The Real Question

A Prompt from Mauricio - April

Thu, 09 Apr 2026 20:23:02 GMT

Once a month we'll be dropping into the feed with a (totally optional) prompt for listener submissions. This month Mauricio is thinking community ahead of his brother's wedding.

Submit your questions here!

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Is the way I'm spending my time aligned with my values?

Mon, 16 Mar 2026 16:05:12 GMT

Emily is a new mother finally finding the balance between time for her daughter and time just for herself. She's a reliable and consistent friend, a supportive figure within her family, and involved with her community yoga studio. But as she watches the news and the way other people are responding on her social media feeds she wonders, is she doing enough to meet the current moment?

This week on the show Mauricio and our guest explore shame, calling, and how to know if our values are matching our actions.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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A Prompt from Mauricio - March

Mon, 09 Mar 2026 20:58:17 GMT

Once a month we'll be dropping into the feed with a (totally optional) prompt for listener submissions. This month Mauricio is thinking about navigating the return of his cluster headaches.

Submit your questions here!

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Will I feel guilty if I choose not to freeze my eggs?

Mon, 16 Feb 2026 17:56:41 GMT

Through Bunny's husband's job, she has access to one free round of IVF. They've recently started talking to fertility clinics, but she's not quite ready to be a mom yet - and isn't sure if she ever will be. After a bad experience with one of the clinics, she's wondering if she should abandon the process entirely - will she feel guilty and regret it if she does?

This week on the show Mauricio and our guest explore guilt, prophecy, and how to know when to take the next step.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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A Prompt from Mauricio - February

Wed, 11 Feb 2026 18:34:35 GMT

Once a month we'll be dropping into the feed with a (totally optional) prompt for listener submissions. This month Mauricio is thinking about power in the wake of elections in Costa Rica.

Submit your questions here!

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How do I trust myself?

Mon, 19 Jan 2026 17:00:00 GMT

Lucy has lived in many different cities, but grew up in New York and has recently moved back. She's starting to feel at home, and would love to stay rooted in a local community. Her partner isn't loving New York - she yearns for the beach, and wishes they could live abroad. How can they find a version of home that works for both of them?

This week on the show Mauricio and our guest explore how to trust yourself and your preferences after a lifetime of people pleasing.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Looking Forward, Looking Back: A 2025 Reflection (with Mauricio and Vanessa)

Mon, 22 Dec 2025 15:35:47 GMT

Mauricio Bruce has been the host of The Real Question for a full year! This week he's joined by Vanessa Zoltan to talk about hosting the show and what's coming next.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Want to join us on the show in 2026? We'd love to receive your questions through our submission form.

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Did They: Re-Apply to Medical School?

Sat, 20 Dec 2025 05:33:38 GMT

As we end our year of 'Should I?' questions, we're checking back in with some past guests. How did things turn out for them? Did they make a final decision after our conversation?

For our last conversation in the main feed, we're reaching back out to two guests! This year both Clinton and Sarah brought us the question 'Should I Re-Apply to Medical School?' We check back in with both to see what they decided.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Did They: Quit Keeping Kosher?

Fri, 19 Dec 2025 01:52:58 GMT

As we end our year of 'Should I?' questions, we're checking back in with some past guests. How did things turn out for them? Did they make a final decision after our conversation?

Today we're checking back in with Gillian, who asked the question 'Should I: Quit Keeping Kosher?'

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Did They: Invite Their Dad to Their Wedding?

Thu, 18 Dec 2025 01:12:43 GMT

As we end our year of 'Should I?' questions, we're checking back in with some past guests. How did things turn out for them? Did they make a final decision after our conversation?

Today we're checking back in with Natalie, who asked the question 'Should I: Invite My Dad to My Wedding?'

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Did They: Change the Way They Talk About Their Health?

Wed, 17 Dec 2025 00:22:38 GMT

As we end our year of 'Should I?' questions, we're checking back in with some past guests. How did things turn out for them? Did they make a final decision after our conversation?

Today we're checking back in with Sarah, who asked the question 'Should I: Change the Way I Talk About My Health?' after a bad encounter with a supervisor.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Did They: Decide to Have a Child?

Mon, 15 Dec 2025 15:23:56 GMT

As we end our year of 'Should I?' questions, we're checking back in with some past guests. How did things turn out for them? Did they make a final decision after our conversation?

We're starting our week with an anonymous guest who asked the question 'Should I: Have a Child?' back in April.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Try to Make More Friends?

Mon, 08 Dec 2025 15:22:59 GMT

Erika is an introvert and she’s struggled with friendship in the past. Sometimes people she thought were her friends, didn’t feel the same way about her. Now, as an adult, she has two good friends. Is that enough? Or is she avoiding trying to build more friendships out of a fear of rejection?

This week on the show Mauricio and Erika talk about why we perform in our relationships and how to trust people enough to be ourselves.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in! And if you have your own 'should I' question, we'd love to consider having you on the show.

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Should I: Research My Family History?

Mon, 01 Dec 2025 14:56:42 GMT

Alex's mom was adopted and has chosen not to look into her biological roots. But as Alex begins her own search into family history, she has her own questions. Can Alex respectfully research her mom's biological family? And should she tell her mom she’s doing it?

This week on the show Mauricio and Alex explore the vulnerability of wanting different things from the rest of your family.

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Should I: Try to Get Pregnant Now?

Mon, 24 Nov 2025 15:16:10 GMT

Marie and her partner know they want kids and now seems like a optimal time to try. They have really good parental leave in their current jobs. Marie's health is in a good place. Life is stable. And yet – Marie is hestitating. Is it because she's just resistant to change and needs to bite the bullet? Or is there something she needs to do before she's ready?

This week on the show Mauricio and Marie talk about what it means to feel 'ready' for change.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Stop Working with My Friends?

Mon, 17 Nov 2025 15:00:00 GMT

This week’s guest is an artist whose work relies on close collaboration with friends. But those friends don’t share the same professional ambitions. Can these collaborations continue, or will our guest have to risk hurting people they care about?

This week on the show Mauricio and our guest explore the difference between community and teammates.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Plan to Take Care of My Parents in the Future?

Mon, 10 Nov 2025 15:00:00 GMT

César's parents are getting older and as he looks into the future, he's wondering: where does his responsibility to them start and end? How much should he sacrifice to take care of them?

This week on the show, Mauricio and César talk about feeling like an outsider in the family and what it means to be of service.

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Should I: Dye My Graying Hair?

Mon, 03 Nov 2025 15:04:39 GMT

Rebecca always knew her hair would change, she just didn't think it would happen now, in her 30s. She's been on a long journey to accept her curly hair, and isn't ready for another change in a wave of life changes.

This week on the show, Mauricio and Rebecca explore dyeing or not dyeing, what it would mean to choose either, and wonder if it's even the right question to begin with.

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Start Dating?

Mon, 27 Oct 2025 16:00:00 GMT

Jackson has built an intentional and fulfilling life for himself. He has a supportive family and many friends, and a career he really enjoys. There is an overall sense of contentment with the way things are, but after a series of unexpected challenges he wonders if he's missing out by not having a romantic partner to share in his highs and lows.

This week on the show Mauricio and Jackson explore what it would look like to start intentionally dating for the first time.

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Should I: Share Publicly About Experiences with Toxic Workplaces?

Mon, 20 Oct 2025 14:00:00 GMT

Sruthi works in education. Throughout her career she's has had a wide range of experiences across different institutions – they haven't all been good. In fact, some have been really, really bad. While she often shares insights when asked for advice, she wonders: should she speak out more publicly? And if she does, what risks might come with telling the truth?

This week on the show Mauricio and Sruthi explore what constitutes an 'abuse of power.'

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Introducing: When We All Get to Heaven

Wed, 15 Oct 2025 17:00:00 GMT

Co-founder of Not Sorry, Ariana Nedelman, has a new podcast project out today!

When We All Get to Heaven is a 10-episode series that tells the story of one of the first gay-positive churches, the Metropolitan Community Church of San Francisco, and how it faced the personal, social, and political trials of the AIDS epidemic, including the deaths of hundreds of its members.

The series is releasing over on Slate's Outward podcast and the second episode is already out.

Subscribe to Outward to hear the whole series!

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Should I: Break-Up with My Partner?

Mon, 13 Oct 2025 15:36:59 GMT

Our guest today recently moved to be closer to a long distance partner. They thought it would make the relationship feel closer, but since the move, things have been feeling off. Is it a sign they should break-up? Or is just a passing symptom of changing circumstances?

This week on the show Mauricio and our guest explore the difference between friendship and romantic partnership.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Leave Vermont?

Mon, 06 Oct 2025 14:21:44 GMT

Wes and his fiancee are facing one of the classic millennial issues: they can't afford to buy a house. They've lived in Vermont all their adult lives and they love it there – they love their jobs, they love their friends, they love the access to nature. But should they leave in order to build a better future for themselves and their potential future kids?

This week on the show Mauricio and Wes explore what it means to put down roots.

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Write a Nicer Email to an Ex-Friend? (with Vanessa Zoltan)

Mon, 29 Sep 2025 14:30:09 GMT

About three years ago, Vanessa "broke-up" with one of her close friends. She tried to do it kindly, but in retrospect she feels guilty for how it all went down. So recently she decided to reach back out and apologize. Faced with his response, she's now asking herself: What's the best way to handle this set of communications when there's still a lot of pain on both sides?

This week on the show Mauricio and Vanessa explore how to end relationships well.

You can find more information about the Harry Potter and the Sacred Text upcoming Cambridge Weekend on our website.

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Give Theater a Second Chance?

Mon, 22 Sep 2025 15:11:02 GMT

When Katy was a kid, she dreamt of being a stage actress. After some early rejections, she pivoted to stand-up and improv and built a career for herself in that field. Now she's working for a college theater department and she find herself feeling jealous of the kids in her program. She's having trouble making sense of this jealousy. Does it mean she should try to do stage acting again?

This week on the show Mauricio and Katy explore how we carry our past rejections with us.

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Give Up on My Album?

Mon, 15 Sep 2025 14:00:00 GMT

Naomi Westwater released their latest album, Cycle & Change, this past spring. This album release intersected with a lot of big life events – a divorce, moving house, the death of their father – and they didn't have the capacity to celebrate and promote the album the way they planned. Can they celebrate the album now? Or is it too late?

This week on the show Mauricio and Naomi explore what artists owe to their creations.

The song we play at the end of this episode is The Empress. Listen to the whole album here.

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Reach Out to a Friend Who Ghosted Me?

Mon, 08 Sep 2025 14:21:23 GMT

Five years ago, Karolina's friend stopped replying to her messages. Karolina doesn't know why. Did she do something wrong? Was the friend just going through a hard time? If so – why hasn't the friend reached out since? Karolina misses her friend and it still bothers her. Should she reach out and try to reconnect?

This week on the show Mauricio and Karolina discuss ghosting and the pain it leaves behind.

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Start Saying No to Opportunities?

Mon, 01 Sep 2025 16:58:06 GMT

Christine Flynn calls herself 'a bit of a workaholic.' She's always taking on new projects and managing some aspect of life with a successful career, three kids, and a family farm. Does she truly need to be juggling everything she's doing? Or is there some way to slow down and stay afloat?

This week on the show Mauricio and Christine discuss how to build a sense of safety.

Christine is a chef and the best-selling author of three cookbooks. She's teaching an upcoming class for Not Sorry called Cookbook Writing as Memoir. Sign-up here!

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Apply to Medical School Again?

Mon, 25 Aug 2025 14:01:23 GMT

Sarah has been on the path to medical school for the past few years – she's taught herself physics and chemistry, she's taken the MCAT and done pretty well! But unfortunately her scores aren't good enough to stay in province. Should she apply to other provinces and plan to uproot her life (and her three young kids)? Should she wait a year and re-take the MCAT with the hopes of getting better scores? Or should she give up on the med school dream entirely?

This week, Mauricio and Sarah explore how to follow your spark.

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Try to Reconnect with my In-Laws?

Mon, 18 Aug 2025 17:57:01 GMT

About two years ago, Brandice and her husband decided to limit contact with her in-laws after one of their children came out as trans. The in-laws couldn't accept it and wanted to lecture them about the Bible. But now, it’s clear that the family—especially the other kids—miss them. Is there a way to mend the relationship, or is the rift permanent?

This week, Mauricio and Brandice explore what it means to be loving and how to hold discomfort in relationships.

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Date After Divorce?

Mon, 11 Aug 2025 14:34:03 GMT

Melissa has two big things going on in her life: she's getting a divorce from her husband and she's recently realized she's bisexual. As she thinks about being single again – should she take this opportunity to date a woman?

This week, Mauricio and Melissa explore how past relationships create frameworks for the future.

NB: This episode includes reference to alcoholism and abusive partnership.

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Move to Avoid Climate Disaster?

Mon, 04 Aug 2025 14:00:00 GMT

Sophie loves her home in the village. She's surrounded by nature and she feels like she can be herself. But with climate events on the rise, is it wise to stay somewhere that may become increasingly dangerous? Should she move into town?

This week, Mauricio and Sophie figure out how to weigh what your heart wants against the 'sensible' option.

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Re-Apply to Medical School?

Mon, 28 Jul 2025 17:05:16 GMT

Clinton applied to medical school five times after graduating college. He never got in and eventually resigned himself to that reality. And he's been living a good life since! He runs a business, he has hobbies, he's very happy. But now there's a new medical school opening in his province and therefore a new opportunity for admission. Should he try one more time?

This week, Mauricio and Clinton evaluate how to know if a past dream still fits.

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Come Out to My Family?

Mon, 21 Jul 2025 14:07:08 GMT

This week’s guest is anonymous—but their question is one many people wrestle with: Should I come out to my family? Their family is conservative and religious and they worry that being honest about who they are could mean being cut off entirely. But if they don't come out, are they being true to themselves?

This week, Mauricio and our guest explore what it means to feel like the black sheep of the family.

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Quit My Job?

Mon, 14 Jul 2025 13:56:47 GMT

Hallie has started to notice a pattern in her life: once she gets a year and a half into a job, she feels the urge to 'job hop' – to quit and move on. Is that an urge she should be listening to? Or are her job expectations unrealistically high?

This week, Mauricio and Hallie discuss how to evaluate a job to know whether it's 'good enough.'

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Talk to My Cousin About Theology?

Mon, 07 Jul 2025 14:51:27 GMT

Bailey—an ordained minister in a progressive church—recently got married. But their conservative Christian cousin didn’t attend the wedding, citing his opposition to queer marriage. Until now, they’ve had a good relationship, and Bailey knows a conversation needs to happen. The question is: should theology be part of it?

This week, Mauricio and Bailey explore the intersection of faith and family, and what it means to engage in productive conflict.

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Change my Relationship to Making Music?

Mon, 30 Jun 2025 15:38:46 GMT

Sophie has been a songwriter ever since she was 12 years old. She put out her first album when she was 16 years old. But as she's gotten older, she's been recording less and feeling more uncomfortable with the label 'musician.' She has such a mix of feelings connected to making music – joy, embarrassment, disappointment. It's all led to the question: What kind of relationship does she want to have to making music going forward?

This week, Mauricio and Sophie explore how to exorcise the ghosts of our past 'potential.'

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The Practice of Re-Enchantment (with Brooke Williams)

Mon, 23 Jun 2025 14:00:00 GMT

Today we’re breaking our normal format to speak with Brooke Williams, the author of Encountering Dragonfly: Notes on the Practice of Re-Enchantment.

Mauricio and Brooke discuss the Jungian concept of ‘synchronicity’, the practice of active imagination, and the power of attention.

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Should I: Get a Preventative Mastectomy?

Mon, 16 Jun 2025 14:06:30 GMT

Elyse's mom died of breast cancer a few years ago. Recently, she's tested positive for the same cancer-causing gene that her mom had. That puts her at high risk of getting breast cancer too. There are two paths forward: she can rigorously test and monitor her health, or she can get a preventative mastectomy.

This week, Mauricio and Elyse explore our relationships to our bodies and our own mortality.

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Stop Doing People Favors?

Mon, 09 Jun 2025 14:18:03 GMT

Jolie Doggett struggles with boundaries. She's a classic 'yes' person – when someone asks her to jump, she says "how high?" She knows this about herself and she wants to change it. But how do you change something like that? Should she just go cold turkey? Spend a month telling everyone 'no'?

This week, Mauricio and Jolie explore why we sometimes preference other people's needs and desires over our own.

Check out Finding The Right Words

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Should I: Let My Parents Buy Me a Flat?

Thu, 05 Jun 2025 01:11:56 GMT

Stefanie and her parents have never quite seen eye-to-eye about the best way to live. Stefanie has sought passion and spontaneity. Stefanie's parents would much prefer she choose a life of stability and family. Now, Stefanie's parents have offered to buy her an apartment. But what would it mean for her to accept it? Would it feel like a concession to their priorities?

This week, Mauricio and Stefanie discuss how to get out of black-and-white thinking.

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Care Less About Work?

Mon, 26 May 2025 15:56:48 GMT

Theodora is starting law school in the fall and she's nervous about the workload and intensity. She's a hard worker and she's worried that she'll get totally wrapped up in school and won't be able to slow down and attend to the other things in her life. Does she need to change her relationship to work before it all starts?

This week, Mauricio and Theodora explore how to hold yourself to your priorities.

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Quit Keeping Kosher?

Mon, 19 May 2025 14:48:35 GMT

Gillian doesn't eat pork and doesn't eat shellfish. It's her version of keeping kosher and she's been doing it for the past decade. Recently, however, she realized that she doesn't really know why she's doing it anymore. Is it still a meaningful practice in her life? Or is it something it's time to set aside?

This week, Mauricio and Gillian reflect on the difference between 'habits' and 'rituals.'

**There's still time to register for What Matters, our small cohort sacred reading program! It's a 28-week intensive which includes one-on-one time with Mauricio.

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should You: Get a Divorce?

Mon, 12 May 2025 14:06:09 GMT

This week we have a special episode on the topic of divorce. Vanessa calls her friend, couples and family therapist Colette Potts, to discuss common issues for couples, infidelity, and the practicalities of divorce.

Next week, we're back to our regular format with Mauricio!

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Should I: Remain Childless?

Mon, 05 May 2025 14:03:51 GMT

There's certainly been a theme with our submissions lately! Just like our guest from Should I: Have a Child?, Emily feels pulled in two directions about having kids. She can imagine a very full life for herself either way. As she nears the end of of her biological opportunity for kids – is she ready to shut the door on that possibility?

This week, Mauricio and Emily discuss how to make a decision for the future when it feels like that decision can never be changed.

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Expand My Business?

Mon, 28 Apr 2025 14:31:01 GMT

Brandon runs a successful restaurant group with his husband. Things are stressful, it’s a lot to manage, and they just got a great offer to open another restaurant in a hip part of town. Brandon is seriously tempted, but he’s also suspicious of his own temptation. Does he want to expand for the right reasons?

This week, Mauricio and Brandon explore how various stories from our past influence our motivations for the future.

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Invite My Dad to My Wedding?

Mon, 21 Apr 2025 14:10:26 GMT

Natalie has been ‘low-contact’ with her dad for a while now – she doesn't reach out or put any effort into the relationship, but hasn't totally cut him out of her life. Her upcoming wedding is putting some pressure on that resolution. If she does invite him, and he makes a scene or disappoints her, it will hugely impact the joy of the day. But if she doesn't invite him, that feels like a big line in the sand about the future of their relationship.

This week, Mauricio and Natalie explore how we continue to repeat the patterns from our childhood, even as we make progress on healing.

The Real Question is a Not Sorry Production

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Change The Way I Talk About My Health?

Mon, 14 Apr 2025 14:46:24 GMT

In the course of Sarah’s life, she often finds that she has to talk about her migraines. But the reactions she gets from people are frustrating and sometimes really hurtful. Can she take another approach to these conversations?

This week, Mauricio and Sarah discuss the large and small ways that chronic illness interrupt life.

The Real Question is a Not Sorry Production

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Have a Child?

Mon, 07 Apr 2025 14:28:21 GMT

Our guest this week has always wanted to have a kid. He’s also aware that having a kid will totally transform his life! Is he willing to give up parts of his life to make room for a baby?

This week, Mauricio and our guest explore how to make space for aspects of our identity that sometimes compete.

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Quit Being an Atheist?

Mon, 31 Mar 2025 14:01:59 GMT

About five years ago, River left Christianity. He felt constrained and needed space to explore and ask questions. Recently, he has been thinking about a return – but can he bring everything he learned on the outside back in? Or would he have to hide the new parts of himself to belong again?

This week, Mauricio and River discuss the joys and drawbacks of religious community.

The Real Question is a Not Sorry Production

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Continue to Travel to See Family?

Mon, 24 Mar 2025 14:08:58 GMT

Meghan lives with her partner and daughter in Costa Rica, far away from the rest of their family. They travel frequently to see their family, but it always feels like a huge effort to do so. Should they quit traveling so much? Or would that deprive themselves and their daughter of necessary family time?

This week, Mauricio and Meghan discuss the duty we feel towards family and how to balance that with our own self-care.

Mauricio mentioned our unlocked Real Talk perk on Patreon, you check it out here.

The Real Question is a Not Sorry Production

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Quit My Bookclub?

Mon, 17 Mar 2025 14:29:43 GMT

Elizabeth Rowe's bookclub reading has started to feel like homework. She loves to read, but after a long day of work she wants romance and adventure and fantasy. Her bookclub, on the other hand, wants Tolstoy. Should she leave the club?

This week on the show Mauricio and Elizabeth discuss the importance of community space.

Elizabeth Rowe is a leadership coach. She's teaching an upcoming class for Not Sorry called Discerning Success. Sign-up here!

The Real Question is a Not Sorry Production

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Start Charging for My Work?

Mon, 10 Mar 2025 15:07:43 GMT

Ray is graduating with a Masters of Divinity this year but they know they don't want to pursue a traditional path towards ordination. They do want to continue providing spiritual care and counseling to their community. But should they be charging for that work? Shouldn't care be accessible to people who need it, without being a financial burden?

On today's episode, Ray and Mauricio explore what it means to have a calling and the complicated web of care, disability, and capitalism.

The Real Question is a Not Sorry Production

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Have a Life Partner?

Mon, 03 Mar 2025 15:29:59 GMT

Anna knows she wants to be a parent and she doesn't want to do it alone, but she's never particularly wanted a life partner. Should she reconsider that position for the sake of raising a child?

On today's episode, Anna and Mauricio explore Anna's relationship to partnership and uncover some of the deeper anxieties at play for her.

The Real Question is a Not Sorry Production

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Modern Friendship with Anna Goldfarb

Mon, 24 Feb 2025 14:01:06 GMT

Anna Goldfarb is a journalist and self-titled 'friendship expert' who is the author of the recent book Modern Friendship: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections. This week she joins Vanessa to talk all about why we make friends, why we lose them, and how to keep them.

Next week, we're back to our regular format with Mauricio!

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Settle Down?

Mon, 17 Feb 2025 15:40:59 GMT

Devon always said that when she moved back to Ohio, she would start planning for the future. She'd think about all the big things: about finding a partner, about whether she wants kids, about buying a house, about planning for retirement. But now that's she's finally moved home, she's been avoiding all those big topics. Is she avoiding them because she doesn't want them? Or is she avoiding them because it's scary to begin?

This week on the show Mauricio and Devon talk about how to stay flexible and also build roots.

The Real Question is a Not Sorry Production

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This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Start A Sabbath Ritual?

Mon, 10 Feb 2025 15:07:29 GMT

Serena, like all of us, wants to spend less time scrolling on her phone. She wants to make more time for community and deep conversations and joy. She wants to have some kind of sabbath practice. But what does that look like when you don't have a religious tradition to dictate the terms?

This week on the show Mauricio and Serena walk step-by-step through designing a sabbath ritual.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Go Back to Church?

Mon, 03 Feb 2025 15:47:35 GMT

Daniel Schroeder's dad is Methodist minister, so he grew up in the church. But about 10 years ago, after he graduated college, he stopped going. Now, after all this time, he's wondering if it's time to go back.

This week on the show Mauricio and Daniel discuss the process of coming out and how to carve out a sense of individual identity within your family.

Daniel is the host of Let's Ask Taylor Swift, our newest podcast at Not Sorry. Every other week he and Vanessa Zoltan dissect a Taylor Swift song and apply it to their lives.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Change My Checklist for Dating?

Mon, 27 Jan 2025 15:39:04 GMT

A lot of us have a checklist for dating – things we're specifically looking for (or not looking for) in a partner. After a string of unsuccessful dates, Katie is re-evaluating her checklist. Are these things she really needs? What if they're getting in the way of her finding the right person?

This week on the show Mauricio and Katie discuss how past relationships can continue to influence you long after they're over.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Marry My Girlfriend?

Mon, 20 Jan 2025 15:00:00 GMT

Leading up to the election, Marina and their girlfriend started joking about marriage. Once the idea was in the air, the question became more and more real. Sure they're young, sure they haven't been together that long, but they really love each other. Plus, heading into a conservative administration, LGBTQ+ rights aren't guaranteed. Is now the time to get married?

This week on Should I Quit? Mauricio and Marina discuss when you should rely on the wisdom of your parents and when you should follow your instincts.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Pursue Acting Professionally?

Mon, 13 Jan 2025 16:04:23 GMT

About a year ago, Evie completed a Master’s course in acting. But actually pursuing acting professionally feels like a whole different thing – like she’d have to really commit to it as her life’s dream and struggle for years and maybe still not ever make it. Thinking about that, Evie’s not sure if she good enough or feels passionately enough to commit to trying.

This week on Should I Quit? Mauricio and Evie explore what counts as a dreams and when you should pursue it.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I: Take an Art Class in 2025?

Mon, 06 Jan 2025 15:02:14 GMT

It's a new year and we're bringing you a new season with a new host! Today Mauricio is entertaining a very special guest – Vanessa Zoltan. Maybe you've head of her?

Vanessa is reflecting on what she wants for 2025 and is wondering whether she should take an art class this year. Art used to be a big part of her life and she misses it! But does she truly have the motivation to leave the house regularly, especially in the evening when she could be resting?

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: Final Reflection

Mon, 30 Dec 2024 16:29:58 GMT

That's a wrap on Should I Quit! Today Vanessa shares what she's learned over the past two years of making this show. In exactly a week we'll be back with our first episode of the new season with Mauricio.

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Did They Quit: Being a Stay-at-Home Parent?

Sat, 28 Dec 2024 20:05:55 GMT

It's our final 'Did They Quit' of the year! We're wrapping things up with the lovely Sophy. We originally talked to Sophy in April about how her career intersects with her caretaking responsibilities.

Tomorrow: a final reflection and goodbye (for now!) from Vanessa.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Did They Quit: Making Political Donations?

Fri, 27 Dec 2024 18:58:15 GMT

As promised, we're following up today with the other half of Pantsuit Politics: Beth Silvers. Back in March Beth decided she was going to stop making political donations beyond the local level. Was she able to stick to those convictions through the election?

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Did They Quit: Cussing

Thu, 26 Dec 2024 15:59:10 GMT

Today we're checking back in with Sarah Stewart Holland from Pantsuit Politics to find out if she quit cussing.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Did They Quit: Waiting for a Partner to Have a Baby?

Wed, 25 Dec 2024 16:11:02 GMT

Merry Christmas and Happy Channukah to those who are celebrating today! Today we're checking back in with Katie, our guest from Should I Quit: Waiting for a Partner to Have a Baby?

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Did They Quit: Trying to Date Without the Apps?

Tue, 24 Dec 2024 16:01:23 GMT

Today, we're checking back-in with Meghan from Should I Quit: Trying to Date Without the Apps?

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Did They Quit: Halifax?

Mon, 23 Dec 2024 17:39:17 GMT

Before we end 'Should I Quit', we're checking back in with some past guests. How did things turn out for them? Did they quit what they wanted to?

Today, we're talking to Kaitlyn from Should I Quit: Halifax?

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Let's Ask Taylor Swift: Tim McGraw

Wed, 11 Dec 2024 15:01:09 GMT

Not Sorry has launched its first new podcast since 2020! Let's Ask Taylor Swift is co-hosted by Vanessa and podcaster, writer and cultural critic: Daniel Schroeder.

In each episode Daniel and Vanessa will focus on one song from Taylor's discography, asking themselves, each other, and you— the audience— what it is about Taylor's music that resonates so much with fans. In our first season, every episode will look at the lead single from one of Taylor’s albums.

We're sharing with you our first episode on Tim McGraw, but we've also just released our second episode on Love Story in the Let's Ask Taylor Swift feed. If you enjoyed this episode, go subscribe!

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Should I Quit: Breastfeeding?

Mon, 09 Dec 2024 15:00:43 GMT

Julia has three toddlers at home. Her first child stop breastfeeding recently and it was a gradual process of feeling out when he was ready. But with her younger twins, breastfeeding has been harder – it's been making her sick. Should she stop breastfeeding them now to save herself from future illness? Or is it important to extend the same opportunity to her younger kids that her first child had?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Julia explore how much of yourself you should give to parenting.

If you'd like to attend one of the pilgrimages Julia is staffing next year, you can join her reading:

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: Being Car-less?

Mon, 25 Nov 2024 15:05:31 GMT

Zoe was always proud of the fact that she didn't own a car. It reflected her environmentalist values and helped her stay more deeply in community. But after a recent move to Colorado, it's clear that a car would make her life a lot better. So she's wondering: when is it important to stick to your values even when it's hard? And when it is okay to revise your values to make your life easier?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Zoe explore how keep yourself from complacency.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: Trying to Get a PhD?

Mon, 11 Nov 2024 15:23:00 GMT

Shannon recently withdrew from her PhD program – with two young kids and a full time job, it wasn't the right time. Now, a few weeks out from the decision, she's asking herself: what's the plan? Does she set aside her dream of getting a PhD? Or should she plan on going back? If so, when?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Shannon explore how to make slow decisions.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: My Ethical Phone?

Mon, 28 Oct 2024 13:02:39 GMT

Megan believes in doing the ‘right thing’ even when it’s a little inconvenient, so she bought herself an ethical phone. This phone is supposed to be 'forever' – the answer to our cultural habit of constantly buying new technology every few years. This phone is also really annoying. But is it annoying enough to give up on her ideals and switch to a ‘normal’ phone?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Megan discuss which small actions matter and how to stick with them.

If you’re interested in reading more about the ethics of mining cobalt, we highly recommend this piece from NPR: https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2023/02/01/1152893248/red-cobalt-congo-drc-mining-siddharth-kara

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Announcement: New Season Coming Soon

Mon, 21 Oct 2024 17:29:09 GMT

After two years of Should I Quit?, Vanessa is moving on to other projects. The Real Question is sticking around though, with a brand new host and a new question!

If you'd like to submit a final question for Should I Quit? or be one of the first voices in our next season, you can submit here.

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Should I Quit: Trying to Be Close with my Dad?

Mon, 14 Oct 2024 14:12:04 GMT

Stephanie used to call her dad every day. Then she realized: she was the only one putting work into their relationship. If she stopped calling, they stopped talking. So now, they don't really talk. But their relationship (or lack thereof) has been hanging over her head. Should she put the work in to try to fix it? Or is it time to just let go of the hope of a close and reciprocal relationship with her dad?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Stephanie discuss how to have honest, loving and realistic relationships.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: Befriending Men?

Mon, 30 Sep 2024 13:59:42 GMT

Andrea keeps having this problem: as soon as her single guy friends get a serious partner, it feels like she can't be close friends with them anymore. This doesn't happen with her female friends. It feels gendered, and it hurts. Is this going to keep happening? Should she stop investing in relationships with single, straight men?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Andrea explore the unspoken rules and fears among single friends.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: Buying Home Goods? (with Micaela Blei)

Mon, 16 Sep 2024 14:13:56 GMT

We're thrilled today to be joined by story-telling coach Micaela Blei – the co-teacher of our upcoming memoir writing class. Micaela enjoys making her home beautiful. She's good at scouring thrift stores and finding just the right touch to bring everything together. She's also a little bit ashamed of how much time and attention she puts into buying home goods. Is she making her days at home easier and better through small improvements? Or is she frivolously spending on un-important things?

This week on Should I Quit? Micaela and Vanessa discuss how to know if our self-soothing techniques are positive or over-indulgent.

If you enjoyed hearing Vanessa and Micaela on this episode, you can sign-up for their class: https://notsorryworks.com/writing-workshops-2024#memoir

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: Trying to Date Without the Apps?

Mon, 02 Sep 2024 14:18:10 GMT

Megan has always hated the dating apps. She's tried them – they're awful! Recently, however, she's been wondering if she should suck it up and give them another try. Is online dating truly the best way to find a romantic partner? Or should she continue waiting and hoping to meet someone 'organically' in the world?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Megan discuss how to be clear-sighted and intentional while dating.

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Should I Quit: Fighting My Acne?

Mon, 19 Aug 2024 13:59:43 GMT

Hope Rehak has been trying to treat her acne for the last 20 years. She's bought all kinds of things to 'help' – pills, shots, serums, and creams – but nothing has really worked long term. Is it finally time to just accept her skin for what it is?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Hope discuss the struggles and limits of body positivity.

If you enjoyed listening to Hope today be sure to check out her Substack, Obsessions this Week, and her upcoming screenwriting class!

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: Wanting to Get Married?

Mon, 05 Aug 2024 14:00:00 GMT

For most of their life, Kat had a plan: move in with someone, get married, have kids. But recently they’ve been re-evaluating. They live with a long-term partner and are very happy. Would being ‘married’ change anything? Or do they just want marriage because that's what society has guided them towards?

This week in Should I Quit? Vanessa and Kat explore why we want the things we want and how to ask for them.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: The Plan B for My Radical Life?

Mon, 22 Jul 2024 14:08:25 GMT

Elizabeth Oldfield wants to live radically in her faith. She wants to transcend traditional ideas of financial stability and community responsibility. However she can’t quite quiet the pragmatic voice in her head that’s tethering her to more conventional values. Is that voice helping protect her? Or is it holding her back?

This week on Should I Quit? Liz and Vanessa dig into the question of security and how much we can protect our future selves.

Be sure to check out Liz’s podcast The Sacred and her new book, Fully Alive: Tending to the Soul in Turbulent Times.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: Buying New Books?

Mon, 08 Jul 2024 14:24:29 GMT

Charlie James can't stop buying books. Every time they’re in a bookstore, there seems to be a new book calling them, a new trove of knowledge ready for them to explore. But Charlie's not reading books as fast as they’re buying them. Should they quit buying books and focus on their ‘To Be Read’ pile? Should they get rid of the books they already own?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Charlie discuss what it means to be a ‘reader’ and its relationship to consumerism.

if you want to check out Charlie’s comedy work, you can find them @nonbinarycowboy on TikTok, Instagram and X.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: My Relationship with My Mother?

Mon, 24 Jun 2024 14:00:11 GMT

It’s our last episode with Mauricio Bruce filling in as a guest host! This week on the show, our anonymous guest shares about the difficult relationship she has with her mom. Things have been painful for a long time and she feels like now is the time to ask: at what point should she put up some stricter boundaries?

This week on Should I Quit? Mauricio and our guest discuss what to do when people want different things from the relationship and how to protect your happiness.

Mauricio is a transpersonal therapist, chaplain, and the co-leader of our What Matters program. You can learn more about What Matters at: https://www.literarychaplaincy.com/what-matters

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Special Edition: Storytelling and Taylor Swift (with Margaret H. Willison)

Fri, 14 Jun 2024 16:00:40 GMT

Vanessa is joined for a small bonus conversation by Margaret H. Willison, faculty on our upcoming Taylor Swift Pilgrimage on Cape Cod. They explore why Taylor's music is such a rich text for sacred reflection and share the things they're most looking forward to on this trip! If you're interested in joining us in November, you can sign up on our website!

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Should I Quit: Waiting for a Partner to Have a Baby?

Mon, 10 Jun 2024 14:01:51 GMT

We’re continuing our short series with Mauricio Bruce filling in as a guest host. Mauricio is a transpersonal therapist, chaplain, and the co-leader of our What Matters program.

This week on the show, our guest Katie shares with Mauricio about her desire to be a mom. She’s nearly 34 years old and she feels like the clock is ticking. The problem is she hasn’t found a life partner yet. She’s wondering: is it time to think about becoming a single parent?

This week on Should I Quit? Mauricio and Katie discuss what to do when things don’t fall into place like you hoped they would.

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Should I Quit: My City?

Mon, 27 May 2024 14:11:09 GMT

For the next few weeks on the podcast, while Vanessa is traveling, we have the wonderful Mauricio Bruce filling in as a guest host. Mauricio is a transpersonal therapist, chaplain, and the co-leader of our What Matters program.

On our first episode with Mauricio, our anonymous guest is struggling with a tough decision about moving. On the one hand: She loves the currently city she is in. She feels the most herself, the most comfortable, the most at home, that she has felt in a long time. On the other hand: Her father is dying back home in Alaska. Should she give up her wonderful life (and the future she's building) to go be with her father?

This week on Should I Quit? Mauricio and our guest discuss what we want to do versus what we feel we need to do.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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The Best Advice Show: Deciding with Nell Wulfhart

Mon, 13 May 2024 14:00:25 GMT

Instead of a regular episode this week, we're sharing an episode of one of our favorite podcasts, The Best Advice Show. Last week, Vanessa had the pleasure of guesting on the show. You can listen to Vanessa's episode here, but today we're dropping a different episode from their archives – Deciding with Nell Wulfhart.

Here's how the wonderful host, Zak, describes the podcast: The Best Advice Show is your reminder that there are weird, delightful and effective ways to make life slightly and sometimes profoundly better. In every (very short) episode of the show, a different contributor offers their take on making life more joyful, healthful and livable and it's likely gonna be something you can try today, if you want.

We'll be back in two weeks with our regular format! In the meantime, be sure to subscribe to The Best Advice Show.

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Should I Quit: Being a Therapist?

Mon, 29 Apr 2024 14:00:58 GMT

Kelsie doesn’t always feel good about the work they're doing at their non-profit therapy job – and what’s more, they’re burning themselves out at it. Is there a better version of this work? Or do they just need to accept that in a broken world, we’re mostly going to have broken solutions?

This week on Should I Quit? Kelsie and Vanessa discuss when it’s productive to compromise on your ideals.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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When to Quit Thinking About a Problem (with Mauricio Bruce)

Mon, 15 Apr 2024 14:01:18 GMT

Mauricio Bruce is a transpersonal therapist, chaplain, and the co-leader of our What Matters program. This week he joins Vanessa to talk about visualization as a decision-making tool and how to tap into your feelings.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: Being a Stay-at-Home Parent?

Mon, 01 Apr 2024 14:09:40 GMT

Sophie decided to take some time off work when she had her second child, but she always thought she would go back to her career in law. Since then however, one of her kids has become disabled and it has felt less and less possible to go back. Should she just give up on having a career?

This week on Should I Quit? Sophie and Vanessa discuss how to be a caretaker and also take care of yourself.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: Making Political Donations? (with Beth Silvers)

Mon, 18 Mar 2024 13:59:42 GMT

A few weeks ago we had on Sarah Stewart Holland of Pantsuit Politics and today we're joined by her brilliant co-host, Beth Silvers. Beth makes small donations to political campaigns because she feels like it's 'the right thing to do.' Lately, however, she has realized that her heart isn't really in it. Can she just stop making them? Or does that betray her platform, which is based on the idea of folks being politically engaged?

This week on Should I Quit? Beth and Vanessa discuss what to do when you feel like a fraud.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Bonus Conversation: How We Misunderstand Homelessness with Charyti Reiter

Thu, 14 Mar 2024 13:07:16 GMT

For our annual fundraiser at Not Sorry, we are again supporting the wonderful organization On The Rise.

On The Rise’s work begins with individuals experiencing homelessness in Cambridge, Massachusetts and continues if and when they secure housing. From their origin as a women’s organization, their programs have evolved toward inclusion of those historically and structurally oppressed on the basis of gender.

In today's episode, Vanessa sits down with On The Rise’s Director of Clinical Services, Charyti Reiter to talk about misconceptions around homeless. We hear also from one of On The Rise's participants, JS.

You can help us reach our goal of $10k by donating here.

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Should I Quit: Halifax?

Mon, 04 Mar 2024 15:55:05 GMT

Kaitlyn and her partner moved from Winnipeg to Halifax three years, excited to start a new life in a beautiful city. But three years later, they're still craving the sense of home they had in Winnipeg. Is it time to go back?

This week on Should I Quit? Kaitlyn and Vanessa discuss how to know when you've given something new a 'fair' shot.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: My Personal Bank Account?

Mon, 19 Feb 2024 15:37:07 GMT

When Anisa and her husband got married, they mostly merged their finances – all except one little bank account that Anisa keeps on the side. Seven years into their marriage, Anisa is wondering: why am I keeping this account? Should I just shut it down?

This week on Should I Quit? Anisa and Vanessa discuss the historical relationship between women and money and how to keep a sense of privacy in a long term relationship.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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When to Quit Trying to Get Published (with Mackenzi Lee)

Mon, 05 Feb 2024 15:23:27 GMT

Mackenzi Lee is a New York Times bestselling author and the teacher of our upcoming Publishing Crash Course. This week she joins Vanessa to talk about how we measure success in the world of art and publishing.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: Cussing? (with Sarah Stewart Holland)

Mon, 22 Jan 2024 15:24:17 GMT

We're thrilled today to be joined by Sarah Stewart Holland, co-host of Pantsuit Politics. Sarah was raised in a no-cussing household. When she got older, she embraced cussing and started using swear words all the time. But now, raising three boys of her own, she's realizing she doesn't find the words fun anymore.

This week on Should I Quit? Sarah and Vanessa discuss how be a good role model for your kids.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: The Idea of Having Kids?

Mon, 08 Jan 2024 15:00:00 GMT

When Lizzy was younger she always wanted kids. Over time, however, as the realities of life have crept in, she has started to feel more conflicted. Now she’s 35 and she feels like it’s time for a decision! Does she really want them? Or is time to quit the idea of kids for her future?

This week on Should I Quit? Lizzy and Vanessa discuss how to tell the difference between what you really want and what you feel like you should want.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: End of Year Reflection

Fri, 29 Dec 2023 15:30:00 GMT

Vanessa is joined by our Should I Quit? producer, Ariana, in our final episode of 2023. Together they look back at the past year of the show and share their take-aways and hopes for the future.

We're also joined this week by Chaplain Rebecca Ledley, who works with Not Sorry through our Literary Chaplaincy program. Rebecca is running a group chaplaincy circle around Motherhood which starts on January 22nd. You can find out more at: https://notsorryworks.com/journeying-through-motherhood

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Did They Quit: Their Relationship?

Thu, 28 Dec 2023 15:00:20 GMT

In our final guest conversation of the season, we check back in with Emily from Should I Quit: My Relationship? We hear from Emily about the status of her love-life and her hopes for the future.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Did They Quit: Trying to Get Better?

Wed, 27 Dec 2023 15:00:35 GMT

We're back with another Should I Quit follow-up! Today we're chatting with Fran, who was the guest on one of our first episodes this year. We hear from Fran about her continued journey with chronic fatigue syndrome.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Did They Quit: Nicotine?

Tue, 26 Dec 2023 15:00:26 GMT

The next person we're checking in with this week is Ely Kreimendahl – host of one of our favorite podcasts, Shame Spiral. How did things turn out for Ely? Was she able to quit nicotine?

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Did They Quit: Being a Teacher?

Mon, 25 Dec 2023 15:00:34 GMT

Across this holiday week, we're checking back in with some past guests. How did things turn out for them? Did they quit what they wanted to?

Today, we're talking to Lacy from Should I Quit: Being a Teacher?

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: My Grudge?

Mon, 11 Dec 2023 15:34:50 GMT

Jacki has had a grudge against her cousin for the past three years. Jacki turned to her cousin during a tough time and left the situation feeling really abandoned and betrayed. But now, years later, still hurt, she’s wondering – is this grudge really serving her?

This week on Should I Quit? Jacki and Vanessa discuss how we process hurt and move forward.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: My Dream of Being a Rockstar?

Mon, 27 Nov 2023 15:38:34 GMT

Five years ago, Penni Jo made a late-in-life decision to pursue a career as a songwriter. Now, with a few years of rejection under her belt, she’s wondering if it’s time to give up on that dream. Should she just get a ‘real job’ with better benefits?

This week on Should I Quit? Miranda and Vanessa discuss financial security and what success feels like when you're pursuing your art.

If you want to check out Penni Jo's music, you can find her on Spotify and Apple Music.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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When to Quit Your Job (with Anne Helen Petersen)

Mon, 13 Nov 2023 15:18:43 GMT

Anne Helen Petersen is the voice behind the popular newsletter, Culture Study, and the podcast, Work Appropriate. This week she joins Vanessa to talk about our relationship to work, social media, and aging.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: My Comfortable Relationship?

Mon, 30 Oct 2023 15:04:21 GMT

Over the last year, Miranda has taken some steps back from her relationship. They used to live together and now they live separately. She used to imagine marrying him, now it doesn’t seem in the cards. Is it time to just give up this man entirely? Or can she be happy with the comfort and pleasure of what she has in front of her?

This week on Should I Quit? Miranda and Vanessa explore how to know when unhappiness in a relationship is normal and when it means you need to break up.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: Drinking? (with Marcelle Kosman)

Mon, 16 Oct 2023 14:19:51 GMT

We're thrilled today to be joined by Marcelle Kosman, co-host of one of our favorite podcasts – Material Girls. Marcelle likes to have a couple glasses of wine at the end of the day to unwind, but she finds it hard to talk about. Is it really okay that she drinks this much? Or is she fooling herself? And does just asking the question mean that she has a problem?

This week on Should I Quit? Marcelle and Vanessa discuss how to know when you're in denial.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: Mom Instagram?

Mon, 02 Oct 2023 13:29:03 GMT

Rebecca just had her second child and is spending a lot of time, focus, and energy on being a mom. But sometimes it feels like her whole life is consumed by that category! Even her instagram is filled with mom-related accounts and ads. Is that what she wants? Or should she unsubscribe and carve out one space where ‘mom’ isn’t the most important thing?

This week on Should I Quit? Rebecca and Vanessa explore shifting priorities and motherhood.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should We Quit? | An Announcement

Mon, 25 Sep 2023 14:13:28 GMT

Producer Ariana drops into the podcast to discuss an upcoming change with Should I Quit?

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(How) Should I Quit: My 40s?

Mon, 18 Sep 2023 14:15:47 GMT

Kathy is turning 49 this year and she wants to be planning for the decade ahead! Should she continue on the career path she's on? Or it time to step off the path to try something new?

With help from Fredrick Beuchner and Lord of the Rings, Kathy and Vanessa discuss how to live a joyful life.

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Should I Quit: Harry Potter?

Mon, 11 Sep 2023 14:09:06 GMT

G has always loved Harry Potter – so much so that in 2019 they joined their local Harry Potter and the Sacred Text group to meet monthly and make meaning from the books. When J.K. Rowling outed herself as transphobic a few years ago, G stuck with the group and their fandom. But lately, their experience as a trans person and a Harry Potter fan feel more and more at odds. Is it time to let go of the books they once loved?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and G discuss how personal relationships with art and fandom can change over time.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: Trying to Get My Driver’s License?

Mon, 04 Sep 2023 14:02:43 GMT

Shira has been trying to learn how to drive for the past two years. She failed her first driving test and recently, when trying to renew her learner's permit, she failed that too. Feeling extremely discouraged about the whole thing, she's now wondering: is it even worth it?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Shira explore how to accomplish something when you have no motivation left.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: My Best Friends?

Mon, 31 Jul 2023 13:57:51 GMT

Paige has had the same best friends for twenty years but lately they've been really letting her down. She doesn't feel seen or loved by them, and they don't seem to understand her perspective. Is it time to just end it?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Paige explore when it's okay to walk away from people you love.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: My Career?

Mon, 24 Jul 2023 14:00:20 GMT

Sarah owns a ballet studio in a small town. She loves dance and she loves teaching, but running her own business is really stressful! If she changes career path, will that give her the opportunity for a better life?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Sarah explore how to un-couple your identity from your job.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: My Crush?

Mon, 17 Jul 2023 14:00:59 GMT

Jocelin has a crush on their friend Paul. Ever since they met, there's been an intense instant connection – they like all the same things, they text all day, they hang out constantly. But Paul doesn't have feelings for Jocelin. Can there still be a friendship? Or is it time to end it?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Jocelin explore what to do when a relationship becomes painful.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: The United States?

Mon, 10 Jul 2023 14:26:07 GMT

Prerna has lived in The United States for over ten years but it will probably take her another thirty years to get a green card. She loves living in the US, but the bureaucracy, uncertainty, and limitations are big source of stress in her life. Is it all worth it? Or is time to try another country?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Prerna explore how much insecurity we each can tolerate.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: Listening to Podcasts about Addiction?

Mon, 03 Jul 2023 14:02:49 GMT

For the past fifteen years, Rob has been concerned about his relationship to opiates. One of the ways he has managed that relationship has been listening to podcasts about addiction. But recently he has been feeling like he doesn't like or need these podcasts anymore. Is it okay to stop listening?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Rob explore the guard rails we put up in our lives to protect us, and how to know when those guard rails aren't serving us anymore.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: My Fitness Watch?

Mon, 26 Jun 2023 13:57:56 GMT

Allie started running casually in college and has gotten more and more into it over the years. She joined a running club, she ran her first marathon, and she bought herself a fitness watch. But recently her fitness watch has been stressing her out. Is it the fitness watch that’s the problem? Or is it her relationship to running more broadly?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Allie explore the difference between setting goals and gamifying your life.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: My Uterus?

Mon, 19 Jun 2023 14:09:27 GMT

Every time Mars has a period they think about getting their uterus taken out. They hate having this dumb organ in their body! But doesn't everyone hate their period? And what if they want to have kids in the future?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Mars explore how we relate to our own bodies.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should Vanessa Quit: Trying to Be Clean?

Mon, 12 Jun 2023 13:56:35 GMT

We're taking one more week off of regular programming, but we'll be back next week on June 19th.

In the meantime, please enjoy this un-locked Patreon perk, our Should Vanessa Quit? segment with Vanessa and Ariana. Our Patreon supporters make this show possible and we're so grateful. If you're a regular listener of the show, we'd love to have your support.

Also, please submit your quitting questions! We're always looking for new guests.

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Pop Culture Prescription: When You Have Some Extra Time to Yourself

Mon, 05 Jun 2023 14:02:09 GMT

As we prepare for our Not Sorry C.A.M.P. this week, we're taking a break from the show. We'll be back in two weeks, on June 19th.

In the meantime, please enjoy this un-locked Patreon perk, our Pop Culture Prescriptions with Vanessa and Margaret H. Willison. Our Patreon supporters make this show possible and we're so grateful. If you're a regular listener of the show, we'd love to have your support.

Also, please submit your quitting questions! We're always looking for new guests.

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Should I Quit: Nicotine?

Mon, 29 May 2023 14:22:21 GMT

Ely knows that vaping is bad for her, but she can't seem to find the motivation to stop. Is it okay to indulge certain vices? Or is that logic just the way that addiction works?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Ely explore our own self-destructive instincts.

In this episode, Ely mentions her experience with AA. If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, there are AA meetings hosted around the world. You can find one near you on their website. And if you enjoyed hearing Ely, be sure to should check out her podcast Shame Spiral.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: Making New Friends?

Mon, 22 May 2023 14:32:05 GMT

Margaret is a very sociable person – everywhere she goes, she finds new people to be friends with. But with that list ever-expanding, she feels like she's not serving her existing friendships as well as she'd like. Should she stop making new friends?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Margaret explore when it's okay to disappoint the people you love.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: Giving Advice? (asking Heather Havrilesky)

Mon, 15 May 2023 14:01:14 GMT

Heather Havrilesky is the voice behind the popular existential advice column, Ask Polly. This week she joins Vanessa to talk about giving advice, when to quit, and how to better be "your ragged-ass bullshit self."

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: Posting Photos of my Kids on Instagram?

Mon, 08 May 2023 12:56:01 GMT

Courtney loves posting photos of her kids on instagram – she loves scrolling back and seeing all the small moments captured, she loves being able to share those moments with family and friends. But her kids are young enough that they can't truly consent to the photos, and she worries that when they grow up, they won't approve of what has been shared.

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Courtney explore how to evaluate risk as a parent.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: Social Media Before Bed?

Mon, 01 May 2023 13:02:12 GMT

Chris Stedman gets stuck scrolling Twitter at night. He knows why he does it – it makes him feel in control, it soothes his anxiety. But should he be sitting in that anxiety instead of soothing it?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Chris explore our relationship to social media and how to counter perfectionism.

Be sure to check out Chris's latest book, IRL: Finding Our Real Selves in a Digital World, and his podcast Unread. (You can also find him on Twitter, of course, @ChrisDStedman.)

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Should I Quit: Going on Zillow?

Mon, 24 Apr 2023 13:00:59 GMT

Taylor gets sucked into looking at houses on Zillow. It's addictive! Comparing prices, imagining her life in different places... But is that imagining good for her? Or is it keeping her from appreciating the life she has?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Taylor explore when it's okay to plan for the future at the expense of living in the present.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Special Edition: Reality Television and ‘The One’ (with Julia Argy)

Tue, 18 Apr 2023 21:42:31 GMT

Julia Argy, our incredible pilgrimage director has her first book out today! It's called The One, and it's about a woman who joins a reality television show to find love.

Publishers Weekly says it best: “[A] smart debut…Argy takes on voyeurism, feminism, and gender norms, as Emily wonders if she really ought to put all her energy into finding love, which is what she was conditioned to do all her life…. [A] winning portrait of a young woman trying to come into her own.”

In this bonus episode, Vanessa and Julia discuss what reality dating shows reflect about our own culture of love and surveillance. Julia's book is out today, be sure to check it out!

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Should I Quit: Telling White Lies?

Mon, 17 Apr 2023 13:30:00 GMT

Brigid has gotten into the habit of telling white lies. It's a defense mechanism to feel in control of what people know and think about her. But is being so in control actually bad for her sense of self?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Brigid explore how to stop caring what other people think about you.

Did Brigid's question resonate with you? Submit something you respect about yourself and see what others have to say.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: My Yoga Subscription?

Mon, 10 Apr 2023 13:04:10 GMT

During the pandemic, Brooke signed up for an online yoga subscription. Does she ever use it? No. Can she get herself to cancel it? Also no.

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Brooke discuss the psychological burden of our digital lives.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Should I Quit: Chicago?

Mon, 03 Apr 2023 13:23:28 GMT

Hannah has lived in Chicago for the past seven years. She never really wanted to live there long-term, but now she's having trouble leaving. Her family and all her friends are in Chicago! She has a really good life there. Would it be a mistake to start over somewhere else?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Hannah discuss when to leave behind good things.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: Trying to Get My Book Published?

Mon, 20 Mar 2023 13:00:44 GMT

Katie has written a novel. She worked hard on it and she thinks it's good, but the process of trying to get it published has been grueling. Should she just keep going? Or is it time to set the book aside?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Katie explore what it means to feel rejected and how much of that we each can tolerate.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: My Choir?

Mon, 13 Mar 2023 13:06:32 GMT

Lisa has been a choir nerd for basically her whole life. But recently, with two young kids, she can barely stay awake for the rehearsals. Should she give it up to get more sleep? Or is this just a rough patch, and she’ll be glad she made it through the other side?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Lisa discuss how to keep a sense of self while being a mom.

This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Should I Quit: My Relationship?

Mon, 06 Mar 2023 13:59:05 GMT

Emily loves her boyfriend. There’s not enough good things to say about him: He’s kind and attentive and easy to be around. But she’s always wanted to be a mom, and he’s not so sure about kids. Can she stay with him, even if they don’t have kids? Or is that a dealbreaker?

This week of Should I Quit? Vanessa and Emily discuss how to get what you want from a relationship without giving an ultimatum.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: My College Club?

Mon, 27 Feb 2023 14:11:06 GMT

When Cameron joined the disability advocacy club during his first year of college, it became a huge part of his life. Now a junior, he's the club president, and being president opens a lot of doors campus-wide. The only the problem is – no one is really coming to the club meetings. Should he singlehandedly try to keep it running? Or is time to let it die?

This week of Should I Quit? Vanessa and Cameron discuss how to let go of things that aren't working anymore.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Should I Quit: Karate?

Mon, 20 Feb 2023 14:04:49 GMT

Sami has been practicing the same style of Karate for 20 years; it’s a huge part of her identity. But a recent conflict with her Sensei has thrown her relationship with the sport up in the air. Can she go back to her dojo, knowing that things with her Sensei will never feel the same?

This week of Should I Quit? Vanessa and Sami discuss how one person can turn a good situation into a bad one.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Should I Quit: Dating?

Mon, 13 Feb 2023 14:11:24 GMT

Rin wants a life partner, but they’ve never felt romantically attracted to someone before. Should they keep dating, hoping that they’ll find the right person? Or is it time to give up on conventional love tropes and pursue another path?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Rin discuss how to build partnership outside of society’s norms.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Should I Quit: Being a Teacher?

Mon, 06 Feb 2023 14:20:24 GMT

Lacy has been a teacher for fifteen year, and like many teacher’s right now, she’s feeling overwhelmed. School doesn’t feel the same as it did pre-pandemic. She feels pulled in a million directions, and out of hope. Is it time to quit teaching?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Lacy discuss how much to sacrifice for a job you care about.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Should I Quit: Trying to Get Better?

Mon, 30 Jan 2023 14:21:08 GMT

About a year and a half ago, Fran got sick. Since then, she’s been focused on getting a diagnosis and then trying to get better. But the kind of chronic illness she has – sometimes you don’t get better. Should she keep trying to get ‘back to normal’? Or it is time to come to terms with her life as it is?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Fran discuss how to integrate a new version of yourself into your existing life.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Should I Quit: My Rule Against Long Distance Relationships?

Mon, 23 Jan 2023 14:13:19 GMT

When Cheyanne was twenty-three years old she made a rule: no long distance relationships. They just set you up for heartbreak! Every time she fell for someone far away, she stuck by her trusty rule. But now, nearly six years later and single, she finds herself questioning it. Is the rule keeping her from finding the right person?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Cheyanne explore what we need out of partnerships.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Should I Quit: My Dream Job?

Mon, 16 Jan 2023 14:04:53 GMT

Jaime loves birds. Since they were eight years old they’ve wanted a career in bird science, and so far they’ve been living that dream! But a recently discovered chronic illness has been making the work more difficult. Is it time to move on from their life’s big passion?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Jaime discuss how our dumb bodies get in the way of what we love.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Should I Quit: My Church?

Mon, 09 Jan 2023 14:00:01 GMT

Cari has been dreading going to church. In theory, she likes so much about the community. But lately, she’s been resenting her obligations there. Is this just a rut? Or is it time to move on?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Cari discuss the challenges associated with being in community.

If you’re interested in signing up for the Nearness, the next online six-week journey starts on January 23rd. Learn more on their website.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Special Sneak Peek! (Forgiveness: An Alternative Account)

Mon, 02 Jan 2023 21:21:39 GMT

Beloved co-host of Harry Potter and the Sacred Text, Matt Potts, released his book Forgiveness: An Alternative Account a few weeks ago and it is so! good!! We're very excited to bring you an exclusive excerpt from the book - read by Matt himself.

You can find the book wherever books are sold, or snag a signed copy from our website!

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Should I Quit: Quitting?

Mon, 19 Dec 2022 14:00:00 GMT

Vanessa and Ariana reflect on how the show's going and whether Vanessa's thoughts about quitting have changed since starting the season.

We're taking a short break for the holidays but we'll be back January 9th with our next episode!

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Should I Quit: Interior Design?

Mon, 12 Dec 2022 14:22:28 GMT

Emily has always been passionate about decorating her home. It’s a big creative outlet for her! But the online culture around interior design has started to bother her – it's all focused around buying more stuff in order to feel good. And that actually doesn't feel good at all.

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Emily discuss how social media and the forces of capitalism intersect in the world of home improvement.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Should I Quit: Calling My Parents?

Mon, 05 Dec 2022 14:15:05 GMT

Hannah calls her parents…a lot. Like four times a day. She loves talking to them, but all her friends think it’s weird. So she’s started to wonder: am I being too clingy?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Hannah discuss what makes for a healthy parent/child relationship and how to adapt to aging parents.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Should I Quit: My Small Business?

Mon, 28 Nov 2022 14:55:09 GMT

Since the start of the pandemic, Shannon’s confectionary business has really been struggling. Now she’s getting kicked out of her shop space and she's wondering: is it worth it to move somewhere more expensive? Or should she just cut her loses and end the business?

This Week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Shannon explore when to accept failure and when to go all in.

Please help us support Sweet Lydia’s by contributing to our fundraising campaign! You can send us money through our Venmo, and we’ll get all money to Shannon and keep you updated on the total. We’re hoping to reach $5400 by Christmas!

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Should I Quit: Watching Youtube?

Mon, 21 Nov 2022 14:00:00 GMT

Casper spends a lot of time scrolling through YouTube videos. He feels like he should have a better evening routine, but the algorithm always pulls him in! Is it time to just go cold turkey?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Casper ter Kuile explore what rest and self care look like in our day to day lives.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Should I Quit: My Dad?

Mon, 14 Nov 2022 14:00:00 GMT

Our guest this week has a hard relationship with her dad. After years of hoping it would get better, she’s starting to feel like it might be time to quit.

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and our guest explore the question: How do you love someone when they continue to hurt you?

CW: This episode addresses addiction and includes reference to abuse.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Should I Quit: Texas?

Mon, 07 Nov 2022 14:00:00 GMT

Mae lives in Texas. She grew up there, her whole family is there, there are a lot of things she loves about her life there. But now that she's raising two small kids, she's beginning to think: Is this really the environment I want my kids to grow up in?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Mae explore the questions: What does it means to make a home in a hostile place? And at what point do you leave?

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Should I Quit: My Name?

Mon, 31 Oct 2022 13:00:00 GMT

When Eleanor got married, she took her husband’s last name. Now, nineteen years and three kids later, she’s working on a PhD. The PhD feels separate from her family life, something she’s doing just for herself. And so she’s started to wonder: Do I want to get this PhD under my married name? Or would it feel more ‘me’ to get it under my maiden name?

This week on Should I Quit? Vanessa and Eleanor explore the power of names and what it means to feel like ‘you’ and be a mother at the same time.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Quitting: A Thesis

Tue, 25 Oct 2022 16:33:11 GMT

Is there something in your life that's making you miserable, but you feel like you need to just put your head down and get through it? Have you considered... just not doing it instead?

This week, Vanessa starts our new season of The Real Question with a thesis on why we should all be quitting more.

Next week, you'll hear from our first guest who is considering quitting. And if you'd like to be on the show, you can submit a question here.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Should I Quit: Trailer

Tue, 04 Oct 2022 16:39:02 GMT

Our first episode of Should I Quit is coming October 24th! If you'd like to be on the show, you can submit a question here.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Endings

Mon, 19 Sep 2022 14:00:43 GMT

With help from Gilmore Girls and the song Closing Time from Semisonic, Vanessa and Casper explore the grief of endings and share about their upcoming projects.

You can find out more about The Nearness at https://www.thenearness.coop/.

Should I Quit will premiere in late October. If you’d like to be on the show, you can submit here.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

From The Happiness Lab: Making Friends as an Adult featuring Casper

Mon, 12 Sep 2022 14:25:46 GMT

Casper recently joined The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos for a special episode on overcoming loneliness–a feeling many of us are all too familiar with.

On The Happiness Lab, Laurie shares the latest scientific research and inspiring stories that will change the way you think about happiness. In this episode, Casper speaks to the benefits of belonging to like-minded communities and how they help our social lives thrive.

Hear more from The Happiness Lab at https://podcasts.pushkin.fm/thls5?sid=real.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Humility

Mon, 05 Sep 2022 14:02:31 GMT

Casper grew up with a lot of confidence. And as he’s gotten older, that confidence has only been encouraged and solidified by the various privileged identities that he inhabits. Knowing that, he wants to intentionally cultivate a practice of humility. But how do you temper confidence, without crumbing into self doubt?

With help from the TV show Julia and The Methodist Quadrilateral, Casper and Vanessa explore how to tell the truth in every situation.

Funding for this episode was provided by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, as part of its "Expanding Awareness of the Science of Intellectual Humility" initiative, supported by the John Templeton Foundation.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Trusting Your Gut

Mon, 22 Aug 2022 13:29:20 GMT

Vanessa has always had very good instincts about people. But recently she's started to wonder: where does that gut instinct come from inside of her? And how can she make sure her 'gut' is reflecting her wisdom, instead of her prejudices?

With help from Into the Woods and Gilmore Girls, Vanessa and Casper explore how to give people the benefit of the doubt while still being able to trust your instincts.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In-Laws

Mon, 08 Aug 2022 13:06:18 GMT

Lily has a boyfriend who she loves. But you know who she doesn’t love? Her boyfriend’s brother. He makes Lily feel small and hurt and honestly angry every time they see each other. But Lily wants to have a good relationship with her boyfriend’s family. So how does she deal with him?

With help from Sara Bareilles and a scene from Fleabag, Lily, Vanessa, and Casper explore our relationships with in-laws and how to best deal with a bully.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Language

Mon, 25 Jul 2022 13:00:00 GMT

Hima’s parents moved to the United States when she was two years old. Her first language was Telugu, but her early teachers encouraged her parents to speak English at home. Now, she’s not entirely fluent. Hima knows that learning the language would probably make her feel closer to her family and her cultural identity – but it feels embarrassing to try, and trying comes with a lot of family baggage. Should she do it?

With help from Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer and Jane the Virgin, Hima, Casper, and Vanessa explore what meaning language can hold.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Career

Mon, 11 Jul 2022 14:11:11 GMT

When Rachel was working on her PhD, she always thought she would graduate and work at a science museum. But the pandemic changed her plans, no museums were hiring. But now she’s wondering, was that change forever? Or should she try to work her way back to her passion?

With help from the show All Creatures Great and Small and the book Ammonite by Nicola Griffith, Rachel, Casper and Vanessa explore the relationship between passion and work.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dating

Mon, 27 Jun 2022 14:02:53 GMT

Mariah has filled her life with meaningful friendships. In fact, she bought a house with her best friend and is helping to raise her friend’s kid. Now she’s starting to think about what role a romantic relationship might have in her life, and she’s getting nervous. She knows a romantic partner would take up space in her life, space she doesn’t really have right now. If she wants a romantic partner, what would she have to give up? And would it be worth it?

With help from the songs Into the Unknown from Frozen 2 and You are My Favorite by Heather Mae, Mariah and Vanessa explore the risks of seeking something new.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Juneteenth Spotlight: The Final 5 Campaign

Sun, 19 Jun 2022 14:19:12 GMT

We're cross-posting this special episode of Harry Potter and the Sacred Text, which we've released today. This year in commemoration of Juneteenth, Not Sorry is spotlighting The Final 5 Campaign, a coalition working to close the final five youth prisons in Illinois. Vanessa is joined in conversation by one of their leaders, Alicia Brown, who tells us about what it means to be a prison abolitionist and her work with the campaign.

Please join us by making a donation, learning more about the failures of youth prisons, contacting your legislators about prisons in your state, and listening to their new podcast, Free The Youth.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Maternity Leave

Mon, 13 Jun 2022 14:32:45 GMT

Anna had her first child during the pandemic and she found her maternity leave to be really isolating and depressing. It was only once she was able to go back to school and work that she felt like herself again. But now she’s pregnant again and starting to get worried about her next maternity leave. What if she feels the same way?

With help from the The Bright Field by R.S. Thomas and A Line Above the Sky by Helen Mort, Anna, Casper and Vanessa explore the sacrifices and guilt associated with motherhood.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stop Motion

Mon, 30 May 2022 14:04:51 GMT

Sarah Steinberg is passionate about making stop motion animation. It’s so satisfying, she could easily spend hours at a time working a single project. But Sarah also lives with rheumatoid arthritis, which makes her art practice difficult and often quite painful. This worries a lot of her friends, they don’t understand why she insists on having a hobby that’s so hard on her body. How does Sarah explain to them why it feels worth it?

With help from the Lin-Manuel Miranda episode of Song Explorer and an episode of Sherlock, Sarah and Casper explore the balance between passion and pain, and what it means to to love someone with a disability.

Check out Sarah’s amazing work here.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Quitting

Mon, 16 May 2022 14:00:00 GMT

Marie-Hélène is the kind of person who changed her major a million times during college. But after a while, this habit started to feel embarrassing. So she made a promise to herself: “I am going to become the kind of person who commits to things and sees them through.” Now she’s been at the same job for seven years and is starting to feel antsy. But she can’t tell - is it because her old habit is rearing its head? Or is it because it’s really time to move on?

With help from Independent People by Halldór Laxness and The Life of Pi by Yann Martel, Marie-Hélène, Vanessa, and Casper explore what it means to trust yourself when you feel like sometimes your instincts come from the wrong place.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Roommates

Mon, 02 May 2022 14:00:47 GMT

Dani has always wanted to live alone. Now, at 28, she’s living the dream. She owns her condo and doesn’t foresee needing a roommate. But looking ahead at the rest of her life, she’s a little worried about what she sees. If she lives alone forever, is she closing the door on an important kind of intimacy and support?

With help from a song from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and a scene from Friends, Dani, Vanessa, and Casper explore society’s expectations around partnership, family and long-term relationships.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hard Conversations

Mon, 18 Apr 2022 13:00:16 GMT

A few years ago, Lindsay left an abusive relationship. Since then she has almost completely cut her abuser out of her life. But there’s one friend they still share - and that friend is getting married. Lindsay has never talked to her friend about the abuse. But now, with her ex likely invited to the wedding, questions are coming up: Should she tell her friend about the abuse? What if he doesn’t believe her? Or still wants her abuser at his wedding?

With help from In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado and Hunger by Roxane Gay, Lindsay, Vanessa and Casper discuss strategies for how to be vulnerable when you don’t know how a hard conversation will go.

–

If you or someone you know is experiencing intimate partner violence, The National Domestic Violence Hotline has great resources and are available 24/7 help.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Non-Binary

Mon, 04 Apr 2022 14:02:53 GMT

Ruth has been a woman their whole life, but that label has never quite felt right. Recently they had an experience where a stranger gendered them “wrongly” and it felt amazing. Since then they’ve been wondering, should they identify as non-binary?

With help from Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night and an article by Tre’vell Anderson, Ruth, Vanessa, and Casper explore the confines of gendered language and the possibilities we have to expand it.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Diagnosis

Mon, 21 Mar 2022 14:00:01 GMT

Maya Gosh has been in pain for years. She’s been going to doctors, trying to figure out what's going on with her body, but nobody seems to think anything is wrong with her. And lately she’s started to feel like the whole process of trying to get good healthcare is more painful emotionally and psychologically than the physical pain she’s in. Should she stop trying and protect her mental health? Or is that giving up?

With help from Mythbusters and the Liverpool Football Club, Maya, Vanessa and Casper discuss everything that's at stake in trying to get a diagnosis.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Break-Ups

Mon, 07 Mar 2022 15:00:00 GMT

Last fall, Sophie Clark broke up with her long-term partner and it was one of the hardest things she’s ever done. Trying to organize her grief, she began a weekly ritual - lighting candles and journaling about the break-up. But now, several months later, the ritual is feeling a little flat. What can she do to reimagine her practice to better fit where she is now in the grief process?

With help from Jane Eyre and a William Prince song, Sophie, Vanessa and Casper explore what kind of thoughts and feelings surround a big break-up and what it means to heal.

At the end of today’s episode, you’ll hear an original song by Sophie! You can hear more of her music here.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Jealousy with Dana Schwartz

Mon, 21 Feb 2022 14:00:04 GMT

Dana Schwartz is a #1 New York Times Best Selling author (go read her new book!), top charting podcaster, and Twitter super-star. But still, she sometimes finds herself looking at other writers with feelings of professional jealousy. She doesn’t like that feeling when it comes up, but she doesn’t know what to do about it.

With help from Nick Jonas and the movie Amadeus, Dana, Vanessa and Casper explore how feelings of inadequacy often lead to jealousy.

If you’re interested in joining Dana and Vanessa on our upcoming Frankenstein pilgrimage, there are still spots available!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Announcement: New Year, New Format

Sun, 26 Dec 2021 11:00:52 GMT

Happy holidays! We're dropping in your feeds to share some news about the future of the show.

If you’re interested in being on the show, please fill out this form and we’ll start contacting people in the new year.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Trying to Be Cool

Mon, 13 Dec 2021 15:00:00 GMT

Vanessa's step-daughter is *very* cool. But...is that a good thing? And what is coolness really?

With help from West Side Story and Gone Girl, Vanessa and Casper explore the social capital and social manipulation of coolness.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Bad Chaplaincy (Part 2)

Mon, 06 Dec 2021 16:34:30 GMT

We got so many questions for our "bad chaplaincy" episode last month, we decided we needed another round! This week, Casper and Vanessa answer your questions about work, exes, and how to know when you're on the right path.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Sensible Thing

Mon, 22 Nov 2021 15:02:33 GMT

Casper's life is on a path and generally he's pretty happy with how it's going. But every so often, he likes to fantasize about what it would look like to step off that path. What if, instead of living his normal life, he went on an adventure? What if he spent months traveling the world? Is that just a fantasy or is it something he can really do?

With help from Under the Tuscan Sun and Mary Oliver, Casper and Vanessa explore the fear and excitement tied up with choosing something new.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Bad Chaplaincy

Mon, 08 Nov 2021 15:05:49 GMT

This week we're taking some time to answer real questions from our audience! We touch on questions about disappointment in love, whether it's okay to be late, and setting boundaries.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Anti-Vaxxers

Mon, 01 Nov 2021 14:00:00 GMT

Risa has a family member who isn’t getting vaccinated and the relationship is really troubling her. She wants to respect the values of the person she loves, but is finding that hard to do when the ‘right thing’ seems to be so clear.

With help from a Brandy Carlile song and a blog post by Lilach Shafir, Risa and Casper explore how to be in relationship with someone who has values that seem diametrically opposed to your own.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

Mon, 25 Oct 2021 14:00:12 GMT

Vanessa used to have a helpful story she told herself about her depression. She let herself stay in bed some days and understood that it was important for her health. But lately, she hasn’t been staying in bed. The story seems…broken, like it doesn’t fit the new version of her life. Is there a new story that could help her take care of herself better?

With help from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Cheryl Strayed, Vanessa and Casper explore how to think about mental health when there’s so much pressure to be productive.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Back to School

Mon, 18 Oct 2021 14:05:00 GMT

Casper is feeling a lot of nostalgia for his graduate school experience. There are so many times in his day to day life where he feels like he should know more and he wishes that he had a teacher to guide him. He's been trying to teach himself, but it just doesn't feel the same. Should he just go back to school?

With help from Legally Blonde and Hermes Trismegistus, Casper and Vanessa explore how learning gets institutionalized and how we can make room for it after school is over.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Karens: Part 2

Mon, 04 Oct 2021 14:09:30 GMT

Back in May, Vanessa brought us the question 'am I a Karen?' That episode focused on gender and the way systems of power can fail and frustrate women. This week we bring you part two of that conversation, where we discuss the racial dynamic at play in the Karen meme. We were incredibly lucky to be joined by Dr. Apryl Williams for this conversation. Dr. Williams is a multidisciplinary scholar who studies the experience of race and racism in digital spaces.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Monarchy

Mon, 20 Sep 2021 14:00:00 GMT

Casper has a soft spot in his heart for the monarchy. He understands all the absurdities of the institution, but he can’t get rid of that feeling that he associates with childhood and history and national identity. Is it okay to have that feeling knowing what he knows intellectually? Or should he be trying to get rid of it?

With help from Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf and The Mirror and the Light by Hilary Mantel, Casper and Vanessa reflect on what it means to glorify national stories and how to go about dismantling them.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Old Photographs

Mon, 13 Sep 2021 16:04:42 GMT

Every so often Vanessa scrolls through photos on her phone and runs into some memories she’d rather forget. Should she just delete those photos? Or are those bad memories something productive?

With help from Spotlight and Mad About You, Vanessa and Casper explore what it means to re-write our own historical record and when we should do it.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Middle Age

Mon, 06 Sep 2021 14:00:00 GMT

Casper is getting older and he's been thinking about what that means. On the one hand: age is just a number! There’s no such thing as the ‘right’ thing you should be doing at any age. But on the other hand: he wants to make sure he’s stepping into the full responsibility of what it means to be an adult. Without subscribing to tradition benchmarks, how do you keep yourself on track?

With help from David Sedaris and Shakespeare, Casper and Vanessa think about the 'stage' of middle age and what Casper should be doing with it.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Rituals (The Happiness Lab)

Mon, 30 Aug 2021 17:00:00 GMT

Instead of a normal episode this week we're bringing you an episode of The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos, featuring our own Casper ter Kuile.

Space crews, athletes and pop stars all indulge in strange rituals before moments of high stress. It's easy to mock these behaviours - indeed even the people who practise them often admit they're a bit weird - but they can act like performance enhancing drugs. Dr Laurie Santos looks at the research to show why creating a good luck ritual can make us perform better and feel calmer, happier and more confident when faced with life's big moments.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Good Intentions

Mon, 23 Aug 2021 14:00:00 GMT

Vanessa has had a lot of really positive interactions with strangers. However there are moments when strangers, for whatever reason, trigger her defense mechanisms. What should she do in those moments? She doesn't want to be naive - there are people out there who can hurt you or take advantage of you. But also, she knows it's important to be kind whenever possible.

With help from Thelma and Louise and an episode of Radiolab, Vanessa and Casper discuss whether we should assume good intentions in strangers.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Beauty

Mon, 16 Aug 2021 14:05:28 GMT

Casper is suspicious of the value he puts on beauty in his life. He knows that he doesn't want to judge human bodies by their aesthetics, that much makes sense. But is it okay to love other forms of beauty out in the world? Or is that problematic too?

With the help of a Shakespearean sonnet and 'How Fair This Spot' by Rachmaninoff, Casper and Vanessa untangle how to think about beauty as a moral category.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Are You Okay?

Mon, 09 Aug 2021 13:57:37 GMT

Vanessa doesn't know what to do when people ask her 'are you okay?' A lot of the time, she is not okay. She lives with a chronic illness, so unfortunately that kind of comes with the territory.

On the one hand, radical honesty and communication is good. On the other hand, other people have their own problems. And most of the time, it's not like anyone can actually help.

With help from I Am, I Am, I Am by Maggie O'Farrell and Cinderella, Vanessa and Casper explore the allure of a 'suck-it-up' mentality and how to be in relationship as someone who's hurting.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Name Change

Mon, 02 Aug 2021 14:00:00 GMT

Casper has never liked his middle name. He’s ready to change it to something more meaningful to him, but how does he go about picking the right replacement?

With help from John O’Donohue and Call Me By Your Name, Casper and Vanessa explore the connection between re-naming and a spiritual life.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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The Internet (with John Green)

Mon, 26 Jul 2021 14:00:11 GMT

John Green has spent much of his life and career online. The community that he’s built there has been one of his greatest joys and achievements. But more and more he feels like his time on social media is poisoning his sense of well-being. Should he just give it up? Or would that be turning his back on something too valuable?

With help from an essay by Thomas Berry and an episode of the podcast Your Undivided Attention, John, Vanessa and Casper explore the addictive quality of being online and if there's anyway to escape it.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Friend Break-Ups: Part 2

Mon, 19 Jul 2021 14:03:53 GMT

Vanessa has some friendships that feel more like obligations than pleasures. What does she do with these friends? Does she break-up with them? Does stick it out and hope that they become fun again? Does she tell them how she feels? And how does she do any of it without hurting the people she cares about?

With help from the musical Waitress and Erich Fromm’s The Art of Loving, Vanessa and Casper weigh the value of clear communication versus the potentially healthy ebb and flow of life-long friendships.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Regret

Mon, 12 Jul 2021 14:00:40 GMT

Recently, Casper’s been looking back on his life with regret: he should have kissed more boys when he was younger! But what is he supposed to do with that feeling now? And how can he make sure that he’s living his life in a way that he won’t regret in the future?

With help from a poem by Lucille Clifton and How Proust Can Change your Life by Alain de Baton, Casper and Vanessa try to parse what exactly the feeling of 'regret' is and what we can learn from it.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Praying With Jane Eyre - Audio Book Sneak Peek!

Thu, 08 Jul 2021 13:00:55 GMT

Vanessa's book finally came out into the world on Tuesday and we're so excited to share a chapter from the audiobook with you today! If you haven't already, you can snag your copy here.

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Praying With Jane Eyre - Release Day Interview!

Tue, 06 Jul 2021 18:01:30 GMT

Vanessa's book is finally out in the world today! She chats with Casper about her writing process, inspiration, and more. If you haven't already, you can grab a copy of her book here!

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White Lies

Mon, 28 Jun 2021 14:00:00 GMT

Vanessa sometimes tells white lies in low stakes situations. Lies like ‘yes, I love that dress!’ or ‘I really enjoyed meeting your boyfriend!’ Are these lies good for her relationships? Or do they make her untrustworthy?

With help from Trust Exercise by Susan Choi and Grey’s Anatomy, Vanessa and Casper try to untangle the relationship between truth and trust and figure out when it’s okay to lie.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Home Ownership

Mon, 21 Jun 2021 14:00:57 GMT

Casper is getting to the age where he feels like he and his husband ’should’ start thinking about buying a house, but he doesn’t know if he really wants to. On the one hand, there's so much love and stability that is wrapped up in owning a house. On the other hand, he doesn't know if he ever wants to settle on one future in one place. Maybe buying a house would limit his future possibilities?

With help from a picture of his childhood home, and theologian Walter Breuggemann, Casper and Vanessa discuss how to intentionally cultivate hospitality and whether stability is a goal or an illusion in life.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Being Rude

Mon, 14 Jun 2021 13:58:53 GMT

Every summer Vanessa goes to Germany with her partner, Peter. And every summer, Vanessa gets stuck around the dinner table at night surrounded by people speaking German (a language she does not speak). What she really wants to do in that situation is pull out a book… but that’s rude right?

Drawing on Romance Mr. Bridgerton by Julia Quinn and the essay ‘Reflections on the Rights Use of School Studies with a View to the Love of God’ by Simone Weil, Vanessa and Casper examine what rudeness really is and when we should be willing to step our toe over the line.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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The Soul

Mon, 07 Jun 2021 14:11:13 GMT

Following the death of his grandmother, Casper has had some uncomfortable and unresolved questions about death and the afterlife. He used to feel very certain that death was the 'end' everything, but now he's not so sure. Is there such a thing as a 'soul'? And if so, does it go somewhere when the body dies?

Drawing on Leo Tolstoy’s War and Peace and a medieval illustration of death, Casper and Vanessa explore ideas about death, dying, and how we remember those who are gone.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Friend Break-Ups

Mon, 31 May 2021 14:06:04 GMT

Vanessa has a friend she wants to break-up with. The case is very clear cut: This person did something awful, and Vanessa no longer wants this person in her life. Does Vanessa owe it to this person to tell her that the friendship is over? And how does she tell the other people who might be effected by this friend break-up?

Drawing on Jacques Derrida's theory of friendships and the U.S. version of The Office, Vanessa and Casper discern how to know when a friendship is over and what the right way convey that information is.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Leisure

Mon, 24 May 2021 14:02:10 GMT

Casper has lot of rituals in his life to slow down: he keeps a sabbath every week, he spends time at a monastery every few months. But still, he rarely feels truly relaxed. What's standing in his way, and what does it take to get there?

Drawing on wisdom from The West Wing and German Philosopher Josef Pieper, Vanessa and Casper unpack what our culture has come to assume about work and worthiness and examine whether there's something spiritual about leisure.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Karens

Mon, 10 May 2021 14:00:00 GMT

The term 'Karen' has imbedded itself in our culture, and as a white woman, Vanessa is keenly aware of the moments she might be called a Karen. But she's not quite sure when she's actually being a Karen, and when she's advocating for herself in a sexist society.

Drawing on the movies Terms of Endearment and Mommy Dearest, Vanessa and Casper discuss women's anger and what to do with it.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Boundaries

Mon, 03 May 2021 14:18:38 GMT

This week, we’re joined by special guest Brigid Goggin who is bringing her own question to the podcast.

Brigid loves setting boundaries and saying no. But as a person who suffers from anxiety, she worries that sometimes she is saying ‘no’ for the wrong reasons. How do you know when you should actually be saying 'yes' to something?

Drawing on the song Climb Every Mountain from The Sound of Music, and the book Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell, Brigid, Vanessa and Casper think through how community can help us make good decisions.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Evil: Part 2

Mon, 26 Apr 2021 14:00:00 GMT

Following up on last week’s conversation, Casper and Vanessa return to some questions about the nature of evil. When do people do evil things and how do we prevent that from happening in ourselves?

Drawing on the theology St. Augustine of Hippo (as shared by our friend Nick Hayes) and The Lord’s Prayer, Vanessa and Casper try and figure out how to keep ourselves oriented towards good in the world.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Evil: Part 1

Mon, 19 Apr 2021 15:53:53 GMT

Casper used to believe that there was no such thing as evil. But since the Trump presidency, he can't suppress the creeping feeling that some people genuinely don't have good intentions. Does that count as evil?

Drawing on the philosophy and letters of Hannah Arendt and the movie adaptation of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Vanessa and Casper work through what Casper truly believes about what evil is and how it operates in our world.

This episode is Part 1 of a two part series, we'll be back next week with further conversation on the topic of evil!

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Clothes and Size

Mon, 12 Apr 2021 14:00:00 GMT

CW: We discuss weight loss and size in this episode.

Vanessa owns the perfect polka dot dress. It’s sophisticated yet flirty, it makes her feel amazing every time she wears it, and it has the cutest gold button on the back. The problem is: Vanessa no longer fits in this dress. She hasn’t fit in it for a while now. Should she hold onto it just in case? Or is it time to say goodbye?

Drawing on the poem One Art by Elizabeth Bishop and the Disney movie Lilo & Stitch, Vanessa and Casper work through the questions and difficulties of body positivity.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Neighbors

Mon, 05 Apr 2021 14:05:56 GMT

What do we owe our neighbors?

When Casper first moved to New York, he put a lot of effort into getting to know the other people in his apartment building. He even threw a rooftop party so that everyone could have the chance to meet one another. Now, as he’s settling into his life in NYC, he’s asking himself how much effort he really wants to put into knowing his neighbors. Should he throw another party for the new people moving into the building? Or is okay to spend his time building community with friends and family instead?

Drawing on the book Community by Peter Block and Game of Thrones, Casper and Vanessa think through how much we should be valuing neighborliness and local community in our lives.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Apologies

Mon, 29 Mar 2021 14:02:58 GMT

Sometimes apologies that seem 'good' technically, don't actually make Vanessa feel any better.

Is there a formula for a good apology? How do you explain yourself, but still take responsibility? Drawing upon Dirty Dancing and Letter From Birmingham Jail by Martin Luther King Jr., Casper and Vanessa think through which apologies feel the most genuine and why.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Grandparents

Mon, 22 Mar 2021 14:01:53 GMT

Casper wants to feel closer to his paternal grandparents. But there’s a problem: they’ve been dead for a few years now. Is there a way, as he grows older, for him to keep his grandparents an active part of his life?

Drawing upon The Suitcase by Frances Stoner Saunders and Children and Art from the musical Sunday in the Park with George, Casper and Vanessa think through how grief changes over time.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Voyeurism

Mon, 15 Mar 2021 14:01:38 GMT

CW: This episode discusses multiple instances of sexual assault and violent crime.

In 2014, Vanessa was obsessed with the Woody Allen/Dylan Farrow case. Now that there’s a new documentary out on the topic, she knows she’s in danger of falling back into the ‘story’. But what’s the virtue of following a story of sexual assault so closely? Is it good to know the facts? Or is it just using the horrors of someone else’s life as our entertainment?

Drawing upon The Art of Cruelty by Maggie Nelson and the TV show Veronica Mars, Vanessa and Casper try to define how to have a healthy relationship with news stories about sexual assault specifically, and the True Crime genre in general.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Driving

Mon, 08 Mar 2021 15:00:50 GMT

If you don’t learn to drive, are you failing to equip yourself for adult life?

Casper has promised himself every summer that *this* is the year he’s going to learn how to drive. And yet each year passes and Casper is no closer to having a license. Drawing upon The Sabbath by Abraham Joshua Heschel and the song Walk the Road by Kate Rusby, Casper and Vanessa try to sort out which goals it’s okay to give up on.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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The Tooth Fairy

Mon, 01 Mar 2021 15:00:58 GMT

Is it weird to steal children’s body parts in the middle of the night and teach them that it’s okay?

After playing the Tooth Fairy for her two step-daughters, Vanessa is having doubts about the appropriateness of this supposedly silly childhood ritual. Drawing up a recent article about the Marquis de Sade and the song Super Trouper from Mamma Mia, Vanessa and Casper try to wade through the fears that a parent can have for their kids.

We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

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Trailer: The Real Question

Fri, 19 Feb 2021 21:01:24 GMT

Welcome to The Real Question, a new show from Not Sorry, hosted by Vanessa Zoltan and Casper ter Kuile! Each week we’ll explore life’s questions through a surprising mix of pop culture and academic insight. Episodes come out weekly on Monday.

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