Debunking the Myths of Procrastination

Many of us have internalized misconceptions about procrastination. Dr. Z. tackles these head-on, revealing that procrastination is rarely about laziness or poor time management. Instead, it often stems from deeper psychological factors. For example, the myth that people “work better under pressure” is just that—a myth. Research shows that last-minute work rarely leads to better results and often increases stress. Similarly, blaming procrastination on a lack of willpower oversimplifies the issue; it’s more about understanding and addressing the underlying factors that drive problematic procrastination.

Six Reflective Questions to Break the Cycle

Dr. Z. shares six reflective questions to unpack the psychological roots of procrastinating behaviors.

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• When you’re taking a big exam, dealing with a work project, or participating in an important match, how do you manage your worries about your performance and your desire to perform to the best of your abilities?
• Are you supportive of yourself without adding pressure into your plate?
• How do you think of yourself without all the stuff you do in your day-to-day life?

While having goals is essential for your performance and motivation, they are just one piece of the puzzle. You also need to manage your mental chatter to perform at your best when it matters to you!

You will hear Mitchell and I sharing our take on Roger Federer, Rick Barry, Kobe Bryant, Andre Agassi, and other professional athletes’ approach to their performance, expectations, and goal-setting.

Whether you’re dealing with high-stakes sports scenarios or everyday life challenges, the principles to set your goals, how you relate to them, and how you approach your mental chatter remain the same.

You can find meaning and joy by making small tweaks and savoring the good along the way!

Hope you enjoy this episode!

Key Takeaways

• Understanding fear-based reactions
• Setting goals for improved performance
• Managing mind chatter in sports
• The role of mental skills in athletic success
• Balancing life and sport: Lessons from Roger Federer and Andre Agassi
• The importance of parental support in youth sports

Show notes

01:01 The Importance of Goal Setting

01:08 The Problem with Tunnel Vision 

01:44 Importance of Outcome Goals 

02:45 The Role of Action Goals

03:43 Goal setting and mental chatter

04:34 Managing Chatter for Success 

05:30 Developing a New Relationship with Your Mind 

06:01 Lessons from Roger Federer

06:43 Advice for Struggling Athletes 

07:22 Mental Game of Professional Athletes 

08:58 Perfectionism in Sports

11:42 Small Increments of Improvement

13:15 Leadership Challenges in Sports 

13:55 Balancing Life and Sport 

16:10 The Impact of Injuries on a Person’s Mindset

16:52 Parental Influence on Young Athletes 

18:02 Coaching the Coaches

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(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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• Perfectionism and high-achieving behaviors
• Understanding the impact of high goals
• The role of confidence in goal setting
• The intersection of perfectionism and procrastination

In this second part of our conversation, Monica kindly shared her transition from academia to the White House as an introduction to the focus of this episode: the intersection of perfectionism and imposter phenomenon.

Perfectionists set exceptionally high standards for themselves, displaying a relentless drive to achieve what they perceive as flawless outcomes. However, when these standards are not met, it can lead to feelings of failure and inadequacy. Even when they succeed, perfectionists may fear that others will see through their façade, further perpetuating the imposter phenomenon.

A highlight of our conversation is the importance of discerning when perfectionistic actions are an asset and when they become a liability.

Key Takeaways

• Perfectionism and imposter phenomenon
• Exploring imposter phenomenon
• Perfectionism and self-expectations
• Overcoming imposter syndrome
• The transition from academia to government
• Perfectionism in different contexts
• Balancing perfectionism and fear of failure
• Distinguishing when to turn on and off perfectionistic actions

Show notes with time-stamps

00:00 The Intersection of Perfectionism and Imposter Phenomenon

05:03 Personal Story: Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

10:10 Transition from Academia to the White House

16:12 The Role of Perfectionism in Government and Science

18:23 Fear of Failure and Perfectionism

22:52 How Different Fears Influence Behavior

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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If I were paid a dollar every time I heard this message, I would have a large bank account by now.

When you’re pursuing a top performance – from athletic to intellectual to artistic ones – it’s fundamental that you distinguish those common principles that improve your performance and your well-being altogether.

In this episode, Brad Stulberg and I discussed research-based skills to deal with high-achieving and striving behaviors in a skillful manner and without losing yourself. 

Key Takeaways

• How to distinguish when perfectionistic actions are working for you or against you
• The difference between values-based goals and ego-driven goals
• How to avoid burnout in the information era
• How to manage your proneness to perfectionistic actions
• Day-to-day experiences of experiential avoidance
• Tips to handle the fear of failure
• How to figure out what is on the other side of your fears
• How to practice self-compassion when handling our fears

Show notes with time stamps

00:31 Understanding Fear-Based Reactions

01:02 Overcoming Perfectionism

01:36 Interview with Brad Stulberg: High Achieving and Striving Behaviors

02:19 Reflecting on Your Life and Overcoming Overthinking

03:28 Living According to Your Values

04:10 Using a Values-Based Review to Live the Life You Want

04:46 Conversation with Brad Stulberg: Balancing Productivity and Wellbeing

05:43 Understanding the Double-Edged Sword of Optimization

08:44 Dealing with Fear of Failure and Regret

17:48 Navigating Ego-Driven Goals and Values-Based Goals

24:09 Overcoming Experiential Avoidance

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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You may set certain standards for yourself, certain rules about how things are supposed to be or how you are supposed to behave; while you may meet those standards for a while, they eventually - and inevitably - fall short. Then, you feel crushed. Then, you criticize yourself. And then, to drown out the negativity, you set new goals, standards, and expectations for yourself. The cycle of ineffective perfectionistic actions repeats and maintains itself.

There is nothing wrong with striving to do things right and perfectly - that’s natural when you deeply care about things and what matters to you. And, as you have heard me say before, it’s extremely important that you learn to harness the power of perfectionistic actions without losing yourself. 

In this podcast episode, I chat with Monica Basco, Ph.D. We discuss specific topics related to perfectionism in detail:

(a) A large part of the conversation clarifies how having high standards and being perfectionistic can be both, beneficial and detrimental, and finding the balance between the two is crucial.

(b) We also discussed the interplay between perfectionistic behaviors and procrastination as two sides of the same coin.

(c) Monica and I highlighted the fact that setting high-goals is productive when one can tolerate failure. However, learning to pursue what matters and learning to let things go - as the right thing to do - is also important.

(d) Finally, we discuss ideas for you to conduct a functional analysis, or in other words, we discuss key questions for you to understand your drive to engage in perfectionistic actions (e.g., what is my mind trying to protect me from right now?)

Key Takeaways

• Discussing perfectionism and high-achieving behaviors
• Understanding the impact of high goals
• The role of confidence in goal setting
• The intersection of perfectionism and procrastination

Show notes with time-stamps

01:00 Understanding Fear and Perfectionism

01:31 Dealing with Perfectionism and High-Achieving Behaviors

02:35 Cognitive Behavior Therapy and Perfectionism

04:14 Setting Goals and Dealing with Failure

05:12 Understanding Overachievement and Expectations

08:37 Dealing with Rejection and Pursuing Goals

20:43 Understanding the Intersection of Perfectionism and Procrastination

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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In this episode, you will learn the principles to approach your fears, worries, and anxieties in a flexible way and in the service of your values.

Brian Thompson, Ph.D. and I covered different ACT skills such as defusion, values, willingness and what you can do if you’re getting stuck in conquering your fears or you’re afraid of starting the process of facing your anxieties.

Key Takeaways

• What is willingness
• How to deal with uncertainty
• What to do when you’re powering through a fearful situation
• What is exposure
• Understanding fear-based reactions and safe behaviors
• Exploring the concept of exposure in overcoming fear
• Dealing with physical sensations during fearful situations
• The role of acceptance and commitment therapy in overcoming fear
• Understanding the concept of willingness in therapy
• Addressing fear of uncertainty and unpredictability
• Introduction to the upcoming book on act-informed exposure for anxiety
• Understanding act and exposure
• Dealing with chronic worry
• Effective problem solving vs. worry

Show notes with time stamps

00:31 Understanding Fear-Based Reactions and Safe Behaviors

01:00 Exploring Exposure Therapy and Anxiety

01:09 Dealing with Physical Sensations During Panic Attacks

02:44 Strategies to Manage Anxiety and Fear

03:39 Addressing Intrusive Thoughts and Fears

04:16 Understanding Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

07:33 Exploring Willingness in Therapy

14:28 Addressing Fear of Uncertainty

17:28 Introduction to ACT-Informed Exposure for Anxiety

19:19 Discussing the Book and Its Approach

19:44 Recommendations for Approaching the Book

19:45 Understanding the Process of Exposure

20:38 The Role of Repetition in Exposure

21:37 Handling Chronic Worries and Ruminations

22:12 Using ACT for Chronic Worry

23:11 Writing Imaginal Scripts for Worries

26:13 Effective Problem Solving vs. Worry

26:50 Distinguishing Between Productive and Unproductive Worry

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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I had a chance to talk to Dr. Mitchell Greene, Ph.D. regarding performance anxiety, managing self-doubt, and comparison thoughts among athletes or overthinkers. 

If you have been following the podcast, you know by now that by making room for your thoughts, rather than struggling against them, you can redirect your focus towards the present moment and towards what matters. 

In today’s episode, we discussed other micro-skills to manage mental chatter with curiosity and courage. 

Key Takeaways

• The pitfalls of positive thinking
• Managing mind chatter
• How to shift your attention from hypothetical worries to the present moment
• Redirecting your attention from “what if” to “what is”
• How to manage lapses in confidence
• A useful mindset to perform challenging tasks
• Exploring the concept of positive thinking
• Understanding mind chatter and its impact
• Strategies for managing mind chatter
• Applying mind chatter management in real-life scenarios

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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Worry is primarily a thought-based process, and that’s what makes it tricky. Unpacking worry thoughts and distinguishing the unhelpful from the helpful ones are crucial.

We all worry from time to time, that’s unavoidable. But playing-it-safe by worrying all the time takes a hefty toll on your well-being, happiness, and relationships.

In this episode, I interview Dr. Chad Lejeune, Ph.D.

We discussed the subtleties of worrying, what keeps worry cycles, and the importance of developing a new relationship with your mind. In the second part of the interview, I shared with Chad an unexpected situation I encountered when traveling, and we used that as an opportunity to discuss micro-skills to manage uncertainty, what-if thoughts, and reassurance-seeking and information-seeking behaviors.

Key Takeaways

• How to develop a new relationship with thinking
• How to distinguish effective problem-solving from ineffective one
• Understanding fear and anxiety
• Defining worry and its impact
• The role of thoughts in worry
• Distinguishing between productive and nonproductive worry
• The consequences of worry
• Addressing beliefs about worry
• Changing our relationship with our thoughts
• Dealing with unexpected situations
• Embracing uncertainty and ambiguity
• The anxious brain and uncertainty
• Productive thoughts and problem-solving
• The power of narratives and storytelling
• The distinction between problem-solving and creating narratives
• The danger of excessive information-seeking
• The power of accepting uncertainty
• The importance of learning from the past

Show notes with time stamps

00:27 Understanding Fear and Anxiety

01:26 Defining Worry and Its Impact

02:27 Distinguishing Between Worry and Problem-Solving

05:50 The Consequences of Worry

06:43 Addressing Beliefs About Worry

11:27 Changing Our Relationship with Our Thoughts

17:41 Practical Example: Dealing with Unexpected Situations

22:59 The Power of Productive Thoughts

23:56 The Mind's Narratives and Their Impact

25:46 The Distinction Between Problem Solving and Worrying

28:15 The Power of Acceptance and Living in the Present

28:20 The Pitfalls of Excessive Information Seeking

29:12 The Role of Google in Reassurance Seeking

32:29 The Importance of Embracing Uncertainty

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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In this conversation, Annick Seys and I discussed the many layers in which these fears show up and how nourishing your observer-self can shift from self-criticism into self-acceptance, from self-judgment into self-compassion, and from emotional avoidance into curious behaviors.

Cultivating your observer-self isn't just about self-distancing; it is about your well-being and living a purpose-driven life.

Key Takeaways

• How to deal with the gap between expectations and reality
• How to practice self-acceptance
• How to unpack the fear of being a failure in the moment
• How to understand the fear of being a failure
• The problem with toxic positivity
• Relational Frame Theory of Language
• How to nourish your observer-self
• Understanding the observer-self
• The power of curiosity
• Self-compassion on-the-go

Show notes with time stamps

00:31 Understanding Fear-Based Reactions

01:00 The Struggles of Time Management

01:07 Dealing with Disappointments and Failures

05:31 Exploring Self-Acceptance

06:01 The Ongoing Exercise of Self-Acceptance

11:45 Unpacking the Fear of Failure

14:12 The Impact of Toxic Positivity

17:47 Tapping into the Observer Self

18:01 Exercises to Connect with the Observer Self

20:50 Understanding the Observer Self

24:03 Experiencing Different Moods

26:11 Relating to Past Experiences

29:59 Overcoming the Fear of Failure

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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The fear of being rejected or judged leads to a hyper-awareness of others' facial expressions, opinions, or anticipation of rejection. It’s like you’re expecting others will reject you and interpret a situation using those lenses. This interplay between rejection sensitivity and anxiety influences how you navigate your relationships.

Understanding the root of rejection sensitivity and its connection to anxiety is pivotal to stop playing-it-safe automatically.

In today’s episode, I interview Ozlem Ayduk, Ph.D.

We delve deeper into the psychological processes behind rejection sensitivity and anxiety. You will hear practical strategies to break free from the shackles of rejection sensitivity and anxiety.

Key Takeaways

• Self-distancing
• Rejection sensitivity
• What maintains rejection sensitivity
• The relationship between experiential avoidance and rejection sensitivity
• How ambiguous situations are triggers for responses driven by rejection sensitivity
• The use of self-talk 
• Is it helpful to be highly sensitive in certain contexts? When and where? 
• The upsides or benefits of high emotional sensitivity
• Can someone struggle with rejection sensitivity without a history of rejection? 
• The intersection of emotion regulation and rejection sensitivity
• Is rejection sensitivity dysphoria different or the same as rejection sensitivity?

FREE VALUES-BASED REVIEW (21-PAGES)

How often do you play-it-safe? How often do you get stuck in your head? How often do you notice a gap between the life you want to live and the life you're living? You aren’t alone.

When dealing with doubts, worries, anxieties, or fears, it's quite likely that you spend a lot of time in your head, thinking and thinking and relying on all types of strategies to manage all those anxious thoughts.

If you’re ready to get out of your head and break free from those barriers that stand between you and the life you want to live, this practical 21-page guide will help you get back on track!

The reality is that most of us live life letting life happen to us, and if we’re lucky, we figure out what’s truly important to us and what we want to stand for. So, another way to check how we're really living is by pausing, checking what truly matters to you, and whether your actions are congruent with those values or not.

It includes a description of 9 life areas, a values thesaurus, a values-dashboard, and reflective prompts for each area in your life.

Click here

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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For many, self-criticism is a classic playing-it-safe move. It’s like your mind is a champion at criticizing you in response to those moments in which you feel anxious about something that has happened or could happen.

Which of the following fear statements resonate with you?

• If I’m kind to myself, I will become a weak person.
• I need to be hard on myself or I will never get everything done.
• I don’t deserve kindness.
• A harsh approach keeps me from making mistakes or keeps me disciplined.
• Self-criticism motivates me all the time.

Ask yourself: “Am I afraid of compassion?”

In this episode, I chat with Paul Gilbert, the developer of Compassion Focused Therapy.

Key Takeaways

• The beginnings of Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT)
• 4 steps to compassionately deal with your inner critic
• The difference between shame and guilt
• How to approach self-forgiveness
• The intersection of self-compassion and exposure practices
• Paul Gilbert’s self-compassion daily practice
• What to do if your mind thinks that “self-compassion is weak, it is being permissive with yourself, or that you’re letting yourself off the hook.”
• How to deal compassionately with anger

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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There are many golden nuggets in this conversation about skillfully managing comparison thoughts, rumination, self-doubt, shame, values-based strategies, and much more. 

Key Takeaways

• The mindset of an athlete
• The upsides and downsides of over-preparing and over-working
• How to skillfully manage unpredictability
• Acceptance of emotions
• How to deal with a strong attachment to goals or winning
• Defusion: thought - labeling
• Goodhart’s law
• How to manage physical fatigue using acceptance & defusion skills
• How to go back to your values when your mind gets noisy
• How to manage comparison thoughts
• ABC of resilience

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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• What is attentional training
• How to look at your values when getting stressed
• How to practice acceptance 
• How to handle uncertainty
• How reassurance-seeking shows up in our day-to-day life

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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What maintains a psychological struggle? And what are the skills – the core skills – that you can learn to navigate those anxious moments and get back into your life?

Short-term fixes that help us avoid or numb our emotions may temporarily alleviate our internal discomfort, but the same responses can also end up causing anxiety, depression, chronic anger, and even physical health problems.

In this episode, I chat with Matthew Mckay, Ph.D.

Key Takeaways:

• The difference between rumination and worry
• Repetitive negative thinking as a process
• What is a transdiagnostic process
• How anxiety becomes a problem in our life
• What is a safety-seeking behavior
• Process-based changes

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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Using Acceptance and Commitment Skills, you are always invited to bring awareness to your internal experiences, especially when you are feeling stuck in a habit or unhelpful behavioral patterns such as overthinking, procrastinating, or others. You are also invited to figure out your values and take action toward what truly matters to you.

In this episode, Julian McNally, Ms. Psych., and I discuss those values-based actions when your mind tries to convince you to engage in old behavioral patterns.

Key Takeaways

• Creative Hopelessness
• Values-based behaviors
• Values-based exposures
• Notice approaching versus avoidant behaviors
• How to practice acceptance of messy moments
• Focus on your doing your best, not being the best
• Focusing on what is happening right now instead of why is happening.

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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If you’re a shy person or are struggling with social anxiety or social perfectionism, you are holding onto the beliefs that you must sound smart, interesting, or funny; that there should never be awkward silences in conversations; that you shouldn’t stumble over words; that you should never mispronounce a word.

Ways that you may manage those thoughts and the anxiety that come with them are by avoiding social situations, rehearsing over and over what you are going to say and how you are saying it, only talking to people you feel comfortable with, or comparing your social performance with others’ social performance.

When you are unable to meet this perfectionistic social standard, you feel that you have failed. But the truth is that none of us can live up to this perfectionistic social standard or have perfect social performances. When we start to accept this and stop automatically playing-it-safe, we feel better about ourselves and have less anxiety in social situations.

In this conversation with Julian McNally, we discussed acceptance and commitment skills for anxiety related to social situations.

Key Takeaways

• How to live your values
• How to practice commitment
• Playing-it-safe 
• How to manage negativity biases
• How to deal with comparison thoughts
• Context sensitivity

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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In today’s episode, I interview Josh Malina, host of the podcast “Anxiety Book Club.” We discuss the different ways in which our minds influence our physical and mental health and the different approaches to dealing with them.

Josh and I discuss how mindfulness and meditation can help us deal with our busy minds; he points out different times in which anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and worry thoughts took him away from being present and pushed him to play-it-safe.

You will hear from Josh how regular mindfulness practice has helped him transform his relationship with his thoughts, become an observer of his thoughts, and be non-judgmental of his worries, fears, and anxieties.

We discuss in particular three practices: exposure exercises, acceptance and commitment skills, and internal family systems.

I leave you with this quote:

“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve or would’ve happened… Or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.”

– Tupac Shakur

Key Takeaways

• What is OCD
• What is Generalized Anxiety Disorder
• What is Internal Family Systems
• What is perspective taking
• Values
• Exposure therapy
• Talk therapy
• Transcendental meditation
• Choiceless meditation
• MBSR

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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If you pay attention to your experiences, you may notice those aha moments in which your choices are clear - you will be able to clearly see what you are longing for or the changes you need to make in your life.

Without that awareness, it’s easier to play-it-safe, live automatically, and continue to respond to all those anxieties, worries, and fears in the same way you have been doing for years.

One way to build that awareness is through the practice of mindfulness.

In this conversation, Seth Gillihan, Ph.D. and I discuss how to nourish your mindfulness practice. In a world that moves so fast, and there are hundreds of mindfulness apps, books on mindfulness, and mindfulness teachers, it is easy to develop misconceptions surrounding the practice of mindfulness or to hope for a quick fix with it.  

But how can you really cultivate your mindfulness practice in your daily life?  

Key Takeaways

• How to approach mindfulness with a beginner’s mind
• The intersection of Christianity and mindfulness
• Tips to practice mindfulness in your day-to-day life
• How to use movement as a way to practice mindfulness
• How to bring yourself back to the present when your mind is wandering
• The intersection of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and mindfulness
• How to coach yourself to recognize thoughts as thoughts versus getting consumed by them
• How to practice non-attachment to how things are supposed to be
• The relationship between non-attachment and mindfulness
• How looking for evidence for and against a worry may not be helpful
• How to use mindfulness skills to manage worry 
• The benefits of developing an observer-self

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Key Takeaways

• Why meditation/mindfulness practices matter
• The influence of cell phones on our thinking
• The difference between cognitive restructuring and acceptance
• A key question to ask yourself when your mind comes up with a lot of thoughts
• The impact of “positive thinking” in our wellbeing
• How to practice mindfulness on-the-go

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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What is unhealthy is demanding perfectionism, which involves demanding that you are perfect and do things perfectly, otherwise, you may think of yourself as unworthy, not good enough, or a screw-up. Those particular patterns of perfectionistic actions can generate much anxiety, depression, loneliness, and insurmountable levels of stress, even when it feels good to do things right and perfectly in the moment.

Andrew Nalband is the Chief Executive Officer at Thunk Notes, a tool for thinking and journaling. 

In this conversation, Andrew genuinely and kindly shares his struggles with perfectionism, and how he skillfully manages them these days.

Key Takeaways

• The raw version of how perfectionistic actions show up
• The plus, benefits, and cons of perfectionistic actions
• How perfectionistic actions show up in all areas of life
• If-then thoughts
• How to hold our mind lightly 
• The beginnings of practicing mindfulness
• How to cultivate presence in your day-to-day life

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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I am sharing today an interview with Espree Devora. Espree has been recently featured in INC Magazine as one of the top 30 women in tech to follow and is known as “The Girl Who Gets it Done.”

Key Takeaways:

• How to find your own rhythms to navigate stressful moments
• How to get things done without losing yourself
• How to keep yourself accountable without being harsh with one’s self
• How to practice distress tolerance skills on-the-go

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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In this episode, you will learn about chronic misattunement and how, instead of playing-it-safe by avoiding or placating, you can learn skills of self-care and how to ask for your needs to be met with the people that matter. Attunement is to show interest in another's world. How they've been impacted by something they've experienced and what that experience means to them. I interviewed Kelly Werner Ph.D., who kindly shares her understanding and approach to struggles driven by chronic misattunement. 

Key Takeaways

• What is chronic misattunement?
• Playing-it-safe moves related to chronic misattunement
• How chronic misattunement shows up in relationships
• A.T.T.U.N.E (acronym) Process to heal from chronic misattunement

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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Have you ever thought of how emergency doctors face stress?

Have you ever considered how an emergency doctor manages anxiety as part of their work life?

Today, I’m sharing with you the interview with Dr. Mark Hoffman, M.D., a board certified emergency physician, with over 30 years of practice.

It was a treat to hear from Dr. Hoffman on how he:

• Manages stress when taking care of multiple patients at once
• Makes decisions when working with patients with acute conditions
• Deals with interpersonal stress
• Performs a “mental triage”
• Juggles all tasks-medical and administrative-during his work shifts

Are the best E.R. doctors the best jugglers?

What can we learn from them?

What can you learn from them?

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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If the prospect of making a decision makes you feel overwhelmed and paralyzed, then you need to listen to this episode!

In this episode, Dr. Sally Winston, Psy.D. and I discuss the processes behind making a decision and what keeps you stuck when having to make a choice. Quite often, when facing these dilemmas, we play-it-safe by overthinking, dwelling, or ruminating, and end up putting ourselves into analysis-paralysis: thinking a lot about a choice without taking action. If you’re in the habit of not making a choice, you may be dealing with chronic indecisiveness, which is more than ordinary indecisions. 

Key Takeaways

• The processes behind chronic indecision
• How to nurture experiential knowledge
• Wise mind
• The limitations of pros and cons
• How to nurture a wise mind

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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When was the last time someone invited you to a party, and you started worrying about it months in advance?

Do you stress about situations that have not happened yet?

Anybody can learn how our minds work and how to work with them. When we are dealing with worries, anxieties, fears, we all play-it-safe. You might be playing it safe. If you get stuck thinking of doom and gloomy scenarios, you may find yourself asking others what to do in order for you to not make any more mistakes.

In this episode, I interview Dr. Sally Winston, Psy.D., an anxiety expert. She and I discuss different skills to manage those thoughts - the future-oriented ones - and those moments in which you get stuck in imagination. 

As you listen to this episode, you will learn actionable skills to stop worrying about what might happen and live fully in the moment. 

Key Takeaways

• What is anticipatory anxiety
• How to handle those moments when your imagination hijacks you
• Three different levels of fear
• The difference between rumination and planning
• How to shift from “what if” to “what is”
• Dr. Winston’s metaphor of how to handle uncertainty
• The opposite of uncertainty … is not what you think it is …
• Metacognitions
• Productive thinking versus unproductive thinking

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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Key Takeaways

• How to persuade others skillfully
• How intolerance and speed of uncertainty feed into rigid thinking
• The connection between persuasion skills and acceptance and commitment skills
• The difference between task-oriented problem solving and relationship problems
• What is cognitive diversity and how it plays in our group interactions
• How to use cognitive defusion when dealing with interpersonal difficulties
• Why viewpoint diversity is good
• How to spark curiosity, not fear
• How to build stronger alliances during conflict

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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Group thinking, agreeing quickly with others, avoiding sharing our opinions, or making sure we don’t rock the boat are the many ways in which we play-it-safe when dealing with fears of rejection, not being liked, or not belonging in a group. But how do those playing-it-safe moves work in our relationships with others and our relationship with ourselves? When is it effective to minimize interpersonal conflict, and when is it not? How and when do we examine our beliefs about how things should be? How do we avoid cognitive rigidity?

In this conversation with Dr. Todd Kashdan, Ph.D., he shares his research on persuasion, healthy dissentment, group thinking, and skills to handle conflict that go beyond assertiveness training. 

Key Takeaways:

• How group thinking leads us to “underseen” or “overseen” social situations or any other matters
• What is healthy resentment
• Skills to handle cognitive rigidity
• The basics of the science of persuasion
• How intolerance of uncertainty plays a role in our thinking
• Why people in disadvantage still support leaders that don’t favor them
• The case of Evo Morales, the former president of Bolivia, and how group thinking created a different image of his government

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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We all have stories we’ve created about ourselves - some of them positive and some of them negative. If you suffer from low self-esteem, your story may include these types of narratives: “I’m a failure,” “I’ll never be able to do that,” or “if only I were smarter or more attractive, I could be happy.” 

Dealing effectively with your inner critic doesn't happen overnight, but if you learn compassionate, evidence-based and actionable skills to handle all those stories, to relate to them skillfully, you can learn to accept yourself as you are and not as who you wish to be.

Key Takeaways

In this conversation, Dr. Joe Oliver, Ph.D. and I discussed:

• What is self-esteem
• How to handle self-criticism
• Defusion: thanking your mind
• How to notice when you’re entangled with your mind
• How to notice and catch your playing-it-safe moves
• The story behind his book
• Dealing with the monsters of the negative stories with dignity and respect

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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In the information era, being exposed to all types of stressors is the norm and not the exception. We may struggle to learn how to deal with a world that moves fast, pressures us in many different directions, and a world in which hundreds of things are outside of our control.

In this podcast episode, I discuss with Dennis Relojo-Howell the ways in which he became resilient and the different ways to nourish resilient practices.

Dennis is a social entrepreneur, speaker, and resilience researcher, originally born in the Philippines. In 2014, he founded Psychreg, an award-winning media project dedicated to keeping everyone informed about psychology, mental health, and wellness.

In this conversation, Dennis shared:

- How he overcame growing up in a stressful environment

- How he learned to pursue what matters in the midst of social stressors

- How he uses creative writing as a resilient practice

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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In the case of fear-based struggles, it is much more common to struggle with different types of fears than a single one. So if you’re dealing with attacks, it’s also possible that you're dealing with chronic worry, or if you’re dealing with chronic worry, it’s also possible that you’re struggling with fears of public speaking. 

Traditional CBT focuses on treating a disorder such as social anxiety or depression. The problem with focusing on a single disorder is that the root cause of those struggles is not addressed.

A core characteristic of ACT is to focus on teaching you psychological skills to increase your well-being, mental health, and the quality of your life. Instead of focusing on a diagnosis, ACT tackles the drivers of that particular diagnosis; therefore, ACT by nature is what is called a process-based model.

In this conversation Joseph Ciarrochi, Ph.D. and I discuss:

• The different psychological processes that are part of any struggle we deal with.
• The relationship between psychological processes and evolution.
• The importance of variation, selection, retention and context as drivers of changes
• The challenges of letting go of “all those stories about who we are.”
• The importance of paying attention to our physiological responses when getting stuck

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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But what if instead of spending hours and hours of criticizing, negatively judging, and putting yourself down, you learn skills to treat yourself with kindness, gentleness, and care as you would treat others?

In this episode, I interview Dr. Dennis Tirch, Ph.D. Dr. Dennis Tirch founded the Center for Compassion-Focused Therapy in the USA. He has been described as one of the country's foremost experts on CFT and the psychology of compassion.

Dr. Tirch is the author of 6 books and numerous chapters and peer-reviewed articles on mindfulness, acceptance, and compassion in psychotherapy.

With Dr. Laura Silberstein-Tirch and others, Dr. Tirch is currently developing a research protocol involving behavioral science and CFT for treating anxiety, worry, and fear-based difficulties through compassionate courage cultivation.

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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Some perfectionistic traits - e.g., being hardworking or paying attention to details - can be extremely handy. But what happens when you don’t do things in moderation and feel compelled to do more and more, do everything right, and avoid mistakes?

In this episode, I chat with Clarissa Ong, Ph.D., about her work on perfectionism.

We discussed in detail:

• The coherence trap
• Meta-awareness: awareness about awareness
• Exposure exercises as awareness exercises
• Motivational flexibility 
• Uncertainty workouts
• Self-compassion practices

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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But how do you handle those internal reactions when encountering life-threatening situations?

What if being exposed to those unusual situations is part of your day-to-day life?

Today, I share a special interview with Lance Morrison, former Captain Police Officer.

You will hear different micro-skills Lance uses to handle life-threatening situations such as:

• Focusing on one thing at a time.
• Compassion-based responses
• Focusing on what matters
• Exercising

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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In this conversation we discussed:

• One of Jonathan’s favorite mindfulness exercises: sending warm wishes to people around you
• Why playing-it-safe behaviors are natural
• What is a playing-it-safe move
• Two skills to distinguish effective playing-it-safe moves from ineffective ones
• How to handle uncertainty
• How to handle ruling-thoughts about thinking (metacognitions)

In the middle of the conversation, you will hear me practicing “how to say” one of my favorite words in English, and one of Jonathan’s favorite jokes related to anxiety and playing-it-safe.

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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• Have you ever felt anxious when driving?
• Have you ever had a panic attack?
• Have you ever felt an unexpected tingling sensation in your arm?
• Do you know how it feels when running a marathon?
• Have you ever pushed your body beyond your limits?

In all those scenarios, it’s quite likely you're going to experience some form of bodily-based sensation, and naturally, your brain is going to “make sense of it” by either perceiving it as a threat or as an insignificant sensation.

If your brain perceives those sensations as a threat, it will naturally push you to play-it-safe.

In this conversation with Dr. Diana Hill, you will learn specific skills to handle those uncomfortable bodily sensations, slow down, and fundamentally choose your response.

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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ACT skills are applicable not just for therapy or coaching but as a way of living life. At the end of the day, real change happens by taking action, one action after another.

What we discussed with Lou Lasprugato:

• How playing-it-safe moves are part of our day-to-day life
• What is perspective-taking or self-as-context within the ACT model
• 4 ways to think about self-as-context
• How to make values-based choices on-the-go
• How the 6 ACT processes are intertwined  
• What's aversive and what's appetitive when looking at your actions

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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In this episode, I chat with Michael about his research on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) on perfectionism, we discuss in particular, one of the papers published in his lab: A randomized controlled trial of acceptance and commitment therapy for clinical perfectionism (2019).

We chatted about the neurological screenings participants completed, the challenging moments of participants being attached to rules about how things are supposed to be, and how distinguishing helpful versus unhelpful perfectionistic actions is introduced in the study.

You will also hear Michael sharing one of his favorite metaphors to facilitate behavioral flexibility.

Social media

• Instagram: Dr. Z.  https://www.instagram.com/dr.z.passionatebehaviorist/
• Twitter: https://twitter.com/DrZ_behaviorist
• Dr. Z’s website: www.thisisdoctorz.com
• Dr. Z’s therapy/coaching website: www.eastbaybehaviortherapycenter.com

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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I ask all these questions to Dr. Christopher Willard, an expert on mindfulness and self-compassion.

In my conversation with Chris you will hear about:

• The purpose or the function of self-criticism. Why do we do it?
• The difference between self-compassion and self-esteem
• How to handle thoughts like “harsh criticism motivates me or I don’t deserve to be kind to myself”
• The difference between gratitude practices and toxic positivity
• How to practice gratitude
• What the default mode network is
• Chris’s upcoming book on resilience
• How to develop a perspective-taking.

Chris is a psychologist and an educational consultant, specializing in mindfulness. He serves on the board of directors at the Institute for Meditation and Psychotherapy, and is the president of the Mindfulness in Education Network. He is the author of Child’s Mind (2010), Growing Up Mindful (2016), Raising Resilience (2017), and eight other books for parents, professionals, and children. He also teaches at Harvard Medical School.

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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In this episode, I interviewed Dr. Joel Minden. ​​He is the director of the Chico Center for Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Diplomate of the Academy of Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies (A-CBT), and the author of the anxiety management self-help book, “Show Your Anxiety Who’s Boss.” 

In this interview, Joel and I discussed:

- Three particular skills to manage anxiety

(based on the book “Show Your Anxiety Who’s Boss”)

- How to practice acceptance when dealing with anxious thoughts

- How to deal with uncertainty

- How to practice exposure exercises

- Misconceptions about behaviorism

And you will also listen to an acronym that Joel uses in his work and how I get playful when he shares it. Stay tuned!!!

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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Perfectionistic actions can keep you in a "perfect trap," but it doesn't have to be all bad. You can learn acceptance and commitment skills to release the shackles of perfectionistic actions without losing yourself and its benefits.

There are three important questions for you to answer to figure out whether your perfectionistic actions are working for you or against you.

In this episode, you will listen to an episode from the Audiobook The Upside of Perfectionism: An Acceptance and Commitment Skills

ACT Focused Coaching

If you have specific questions about perfectionistic actions, have been dealing with them for a long time, and want to take things a step further, you can get 1:1 coaching to unpack those specific sticky moments.

In the coaching session, I’ll provide you with:

• A roadmap to get unstuck from any form of striving, high-achieving, and perfectionistic behaviors you’re dealing with.
• Compassionate and research-based skills to handle moments of stuckness.
• ACT skills to enjoy the golden nuggets of striving, perfectionistic, and high-achieving behaviors without hundreds of hours of self-criticism, worrying, and sleepless nights.
• Actionable skills to do what you care about – according to your standards – without hurting your relationships or the relationship with yourself.

Get the ACT AUDIO-GUIDE & COACHING here: https://bit.ly/3QlagBk

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As exciting as it is, there are also a lot of changes happening at once: you need to introduce yourself to new people, get adjusted to living at a different location, be in charge of your own meals, attend classes very early in the morning, speak with the register’s office if something is off, trying to fit in with your new peers, and even finding new hobbies. On top of that, you have to manage fears of failing, dealing with test anxiety, saying the wrong thing or acting in the wrong way to the point that you may engage in playing-it-safe actions like procrastinating, skipping classes, avoiding submitting a paper if it’s not perfect, and many more.

In this episode, I chat with Nic Hooper, a clinical psychologist and a senior lecturer on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy at Cardiff University in England. 

In 2017 Nic Hooper, began to write a book of life advice to his son, Max, which was to be given to him on his eighteenth birthday. Over time, that book slowly transformed into The Unbreakable Student.

This is an authentic conversation that places values at the forefront.

You will listen in particular about:

• Six ways to wellbeing
• How to commit to your values
• How to practice defusion
• How Nic learned to relate to his fears of being a failure
• How living our values has transformed Nic’s and my life.

Nic’s website: nichooper.co.uk

Follow Nic’s on twitter @nichooper7

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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In our conversation, Natasha and I talked about different playing-it-safe moves when dealing with the fear of social rejection or not fitting in with others.

This is a raw and honest conversation about how Natasha navigated those fears with the added benefits of exposure and self-compassion!

Let’s be honest, sometimes, we are afraid of being rejected by people we care about and also by those we don’t even know.

If you haven’t subscribed to our podcast, please do so!

Natasha's Instagram: @atparentingsurvival

Natasha's Twitter: @atsurvival

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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In this conversation, visual illustrator, Janis Ozolins, shares how he handles self-doubtful thoughts, perfectionist tendencies, and negative feedback when sharing his illustrations on his platform.

It was special to hear from Janis how he, as a content creator, navigates the internal discomfort that comes when exposing your creative work to the world. An important aspect of Janis’ work is his desire to create value in his illustrations, which can be challenging when your mind pushes you to play-it-safe.

IMPORTANT NEWS: AUDIO GUIDE FOR PERFECTIONISM AND HIGH-ACHIEVING ACTIONS

Do you feel like whatever you do, is never enough?

It is hard for you to sit down and just relax, or have fun?

Do you tend to overextend yourself, but you often don’t realize this until after the fact?

Do you get anxious about the idea of letting people down?

Do you hate ambiguity, you want to know “what, when, and how,” and you want to know it “Now?"

Do you focus on what you are failing to do versus what you accomplish?

If you said YES! to at least 3 of the statements above, this audio-guide is for you!

Learning to tackle all the behaviors associated with perfectionism is key to living a meaningful life. In this audio guide, you will learn 10 key ideas to tackle perfectionism and high-achieving behaviors based on Acceptance and Commitment Training.

Get your audio guide: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/act-for-perfectionism-and-high-achieving-behaviors/

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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Dr. Francisco J. Ruiz is among the world’s leading experts on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Relational Frame Theory (RFT). He is currently a Professor in the area of Clinical and Experimental Psychology at the Konrad Lorenz University Foundation in Bogotá, Colombia.

Specifically, Dr Ruiz’s work has focused on developing an ACT-based intervention model designed to dismantle dysfunctional patterns of Repetitive Negative Thinking (RNT), including worry and rumination, know as RNT-focused ACT. He has published more than 75 articles in peer-reviewed journals and served on several editorial boards, including the Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science, International Journal of Psychology and Psychological Therapy, and Frontiers in Psychology.

Among Dr. Ruiz’s honors is his appointment as Distinguished Researcher Juan Alberto Aragón at the Konrad Lorenz University Foundation.

In this episode, you will hear:

• What is repetitive negative thinking
• How acceptance and commitment therapy can help you to tackle persistent thoughts about the past or the future
• What defusion is
• What willingness is

Resources for Francisco:

• Francisco Ruiz’s lab
• Acceptance and commitment therapy
• Relational Frame Theory of Language

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Cognitive Behavior Therapy traditionally has been focused on delivering specific treatment protocols for specific struggles; for instance, if you were dealing with fears of public speaking as we see in social anxiety, then there was a treatment protocol for you to get better or sometimes five different treatment protocols that you could choose from, based on the clinician you worked with If you were dealing with panic attacks, there was a specific treatment protocol for it. 

However, since 2000 Cognitive Behavior Therapy has moved from having a single protocol for a specific disorder - social anxiety, panic, etc- to have a unified protocol for multiple struggles because, in the case of anxiety, for example, it’s much more common to struggle with different types of fears than a single one. So if you’re dealing with attacks it’s also possible that you're dealing with chronic worry, or if you’re dealing with chronic worry it’s also possible that you’re struggling with fears of public speaking. Today I have a chance to speak with Dr. David Barlow, the developer of the Unified Protocol.

In this part 2 of our conversation, you will hear:

• The basics of a Unified protocol in cognitive Behavior Therapy
• What is avoidance and how it works
• What’s negative affect and how it works
• What’s neuroticism and how it works
• Why is important to understand emotions
• What are temperamental personality factors

You will also hear me asking Dr. Barlow for permission to be sassy and ask controversial questions.

• What’s a process in behavior therapy?
• Is process-based therapy different from the unified protocol?
• What is a transdiagnostic process: is an intervention different than a process? Is a transdiagnostic process a way in which people cope with internal experiences?

Tune in, you don't want to miss how cognitive behaviorists are thinking of therapy these days and how this informs your experience in therapy or coaching when dealing with fear-based struggles.

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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Cognitive Behavior Therapy traditionally has been focused on delivering specific treatment protocols for specific struggles; for instance, if you were dealing with fears of public speaking as we see in social anxiety, then there was a treatment protocol for you to get better or sometimes five different treatment protocols that you could choose from, based on the clinician you worked with If you were dealing with panic attacks, there was a specific treatment protocol for it. 

However, since 2000 Cognitive Behavior Therapy has moved from having a single protocol for a specific disorder - social anxiety, panic, etc- to have a unified protocol for multiple struggles because, in the case of anxiety, for example, it’s much more common to struggle with different types of fears than a single one. So if you’re dealing with attacks it’s also possible that you're dealing with chronic worry, or if you’re dealing with chronic worry it’s also possible that you’re struggling with fears of public speaking. Today I have a chance to speak with Dr. David Barlow, the developer of the Unified Protocol.

In this part 1 of our conversation, you will hear:

• The basics of a Unified protocol in cognitive Behavior Therapy
• What is avoidance and how it works
• What’s negative affect and how it works
• What’s neuroticism and how it works
• Why is important to understand emotions
• What are temperamental personality factors

You will also hear me asking Dr. Barlow for permission to be sassy and ask controversial questions:

• What’s a process in behavior therapy?
• Is process-based therapy different from the unified protocol?
• What is a transdiagnostic process: is an intervention different than a process? Is a transdiagnostic process a way in which people cope with internal experiences?

Tune in, you don't want to miss how cognitive behaviorists are thinking of therapy these days and how this informs your experience in therapy or coaching when dealing with fear-based struggles.

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Most people are uncomfortable with loneliness because it means facing yourself without distractions. 

But, as much as you don’t like it, you can learn from it and perhaps even cultivate it.

Sometimes, without realizing and other times, intentionally. We do all types of things to avoid feeling lonely and to manage our sense of loneliness.. 

But, how do those strategies work in our life? And if they’re not working, what can you do about it…that’s what this episode is about!

In this episode, you will be invited to:

• Reflect on how you handle loneliness
• Your playing-it-safe moves when feeling alone 
• How to cultivate loneliness without losing yourself

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In the information era, it’s natural that everyone talks about productivity and how to do things. But Oliver Burkeman has a different take: “actually, you can’t do anything and you need to come to terms with that…” 

In this second part of my conversation with Oliver Burkeman, we discussed:

• How Oliver manages his worries, fears, and anxieties
• How Oliver manages negative thoughts
• What bothers him about self-psychology
• What emotions are 
• His thoughts on the notion of work-life balance

This conversation with Oliver reminds me of the preciousness of being alive and that, we’re all in the process of learning and re-learning what works in life!

Hope you enjoy the episode!!!

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I have been following Oliver’s work for years and had so many questions to ask him, but of course, there were time constraints. So I did my best to ask him about his writing process and the story behind his books, how he practices acceptance, gratitude, and other psychological processes, and his take on some sassy comments he has made over the years.

If you haven’t read Oliver’s books, I highly recommend them! He’s one of those writers that do a fantastic job sharing science in a story format, and he does it so elegantly that after you read either a chapter he wrote or his column in the Guardian, you want to read more.

This conversation has 3 segments:

• Oliver’s writing process and how he handles interruptions, self-criticism, time anxiety, and comparison thoughts related to writing.
• How Oliver experiences gratitude, acceptance, and approaches day-to-day challenges.
• Oliver’s take on different topics: the problem with self-help books, what emotions are, the difference between meaning and happiness

And if you listen to the end, you will hear who Oliver would like to have a scotch and cigar with!

As I finish writing this conversation, I remind myself of the last paragraph in Oliver’s book, The Four Thousand Weeks:

“The average human lifespan is absurd, terrifying, insultingly short. But that isn’t a reason for unremitting despair or for living in an anxiety-fueled panic about making the most of your limited time. It’s a cause for relief. You get to give up on something that was always impossible - the quest to become the optimized, infinitely capable, emotionally, invincible, fully independent person you’re officially supposed to be. Then you get to roll up your sleeves and start work on something that’s gloriously possible instead.”

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

One of the ways in which many of us get in the way of our best life is by playing it safe.

You might be playing it safe if you ...

- Get stuck thinking doom and gloom scenarios

- Ask others what to do so you don’t make a mistake

- Feel like an imposter despite all your accomplishments

- Doubt your competency and ability to handle challenging situations

- Spontaneously go back to the past and dwell on troublesome situations

- Avoid situations or people that make you feel uncomfortable even though it causes you problems

- Put off an activity when it’s too overwhelming but beat yourself up because you’re not getting it done

- Are overly careful about what you’re saying, how you’re saying it, and what you’re doing so you don’t make mistakes

- Do your best to think optimistically and positively even though your mind keeps coming up with negative thoughts

Your playing-it-safe moves might feel right at the time, but they can also keep you stuck.

Do you know what's your playing-it-safe profile?

Learn which playing-it-safe moves are working against you and how to change them. 

Here is what you need to do:

(1) Listen to this episode

(2) Take the Playing-It-Safe Questionnaire

(3) Figure out your Playing-it-safe profile.

https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-questionnaire/

Do you feel as if you're the only person responsible for others' wellbeing at all times? How do you go about making decisions?⁣ ⁣What about small ones?⁣ ⁣Do you get overwhelmed with the possibility of failure? Do you spend hours criticizing yourself? Is it challenging to say present in the moment?⁣ ⁣ Do you postpone activities that feel anxiety-provoking? Do you have high standards for yourself? Do you put pressure on yourself to make the right decisions? Do you minimize your accomplishments and feel that what you're doing is not enough?

These are characteristics of perfectionism and high achieving behaviors. Get a 10-part audio guide to learn to harness the power of perfectionism and learn to do things that your care about without losing yourself!

Click here

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Have you ever felt ashamed of your finances?

How do you relate to money?

Financial anxiety is real for most of us.

Quite often we do play-it-safe by avoiding financial decisions, predicting gloom and doom scenarios about potential decisions or we get paralyzed with what-if financial scenarios.

So, I’m excited to share with you a conversation I had with Amanda Clayman, a trained clinician specializing in money issues. In this interview, she kindly shares:

• Her personal experience of stuckness with money
• How Amanda creates a context to make values-based decisions about money
• How you can relate to money as a way to expand your life (instead of contracting it)
• How you can handle the shame, anxiety, and fears that come when making financial decisions

This conversation was very refreshing and hope you find it useful.

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

At times we believe that we lack “confidence” or “self-esteem”.

But what if our internal experiences are just that, internal experiences.

What if what we do with them or what we do in response to them is much more important than what those experiences are?

In this brief episode, I share with you a particular psychological concept that is at the heart of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Context and how you can understand your behavior in context.

I promise you this episode doesn’t have fancy jargon or complicated words; it’s the opposite. I did my best to share with you an important psychological construct in a simple and actionable way so you can get better at living a purposeful life.

IMPORTANT NEWS: REGISTRATION FOR THE ONLINE CLASS "ACT BEYOND PERFECTIONISM" STARTS IN A COUPLE OF DAYS:

Enter your email to be notified here

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How do the top athletes push their bodies to the absolute limit over hours or days of competition? 

When feeling under significant pressure or in high stake situations, It’s natural that our mind may jump to conclusions about what’s going on or what’s going to happen; it's natural that our mind may jump into thinking traps. It’s natural that our mind may compare our performance with others’ performance. . . It’s natural that our minds may convince us to stop trying, to give up, to stop competing . . . 

I had the honor of interviewing Alex Hutchinson, a journalist, former Canadian national team distance runner, current award-winning science journalist, and author of the book Endure.

In this conversation Alex, kindly shares

• His writing process
• How he decided to write Endure
• How he maintains a scientific approach to his writing
• How he handles the uncertainty of not knowing
• How to think about physical sensations during a high athletic performance
• How to relate to physical discomfort when competing at a professional level

This conversation has reminded me, once again, about the importance of scientific humbleness; and how, when doing what we care about, keeping ourselves in check, is crucial to keep science going.

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When your mind is in story-telling mode, all those thoughts - no matter how absurd or unlikely they are, - they seem so true to you. 

Your mind has a hard time telling the difference between fact and fiction, and if you don’t pay attention, you will get hooked on those thoughts; and when getting hooked, you will take those stories as the absolute truth. 

Right now, you may have several stories coming into your mind about who you are and you may have an urge to do something about those stories.

Before doing anything, I want to invite you to listen to this episode and learn 7 skills - based on Acceptance and Commitment training - that you can put into action when your mind is in story-telling mode and taking you into confusion land.

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The first is to be kind.

The second is to be kind.

And the third is to be kind.”

- Henry James

This is a personal conversation I had with Chris Brock, a magazine editor and journalist, who kindly shares the stuckness he went through when feeling lost despite having done all things right on paper (e.g. having a job, getting married, completing a degree, etc). 

Have you ever felt like Chris?

Who doesn’t feel lost? 

How did you get back into your life?

Chris, courageously and kindly shared, how he:

• Watches his mind
• Practices mindfulness in his day-to-day life
• Manages criticizing thoughts
• Checks if he's playing-it-safe too much

Finally, I’ll leave you with Chris’ words:

“Only when we are truly ourselves, can we live a life that is truly our own.”

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

- Bob Dylan.

We often play-it-safe by hiding, avoiding, minimizing, and acting as if we're not struggling. But it's human to struggle; it's human to ask for compassion; it's human to be embarrassed; it's human to be vulnerable.

In the first part of this conversation with Seth Gillihan, Ph.D., he kindly shares:

- His health struggles

- How he uses behavioral steps to navigate his day

- How he uses mindfulness to distinguish what he has control of and what he doesn't

- How he deals with shameful feelings.

In the second part of this conversation, Seth shares how he and his daughter collaborated together to write the CBT Deck for Kids and Teens.

I hope you find this conversation helpful and hope it motivates you to be more compassionate with yourself.

IMPORTANT NEWS: ACT beyond OCD is happening, JANUARY 2022!

ACT beyond OCD, a live, cohort-based, online class for any person struggling with OCD is opening its doors in January.

If you want to learn how to tackle pesky obsessions using Acceptance and Commitment Skills and Exposure,, make sure to register in the waitlist.

Please keep in mind that we only run this class twice a year!

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this conversation, I interview Diana Hill, a clinical psychologist, co-author of the book ACT daily Journal and co-host of the psychology podcast Psychologists Off The Clock. Dr. Hill discussed how you can catch the cycle of striving.

And in the second part of the conversation, Dr. Hill answers this question: How do yoga and acceptance and commitment skills blend together?

Dr. Hill shares how to:

- Move from mental experiences into the real direct experiences

- How to start using an embodied approach to notice internal experiences

- How you can practice the exercise "one eye in and one eye out" as a starting point to step back from internal experiences.

Finally, at the end of the conversation, you will hear Dr. Hill's recommendation on how to make the best of the ACT Daily Journal, if you just started working on it.

You can find more on Dr. Hill on her website.

IMPORTANT NEWS: ACT beyond OCD is coming in JANUARY 2022!

ACT beyond OCD, a live, cohort-based, online class for any person struggling with OCD is opening its doors in January.

If you want to learn how to tackle pesky obsessions using Acceptance and Commitment Skills and Exposure, make sure to register on the waitlist.

Please keep in mind that we only run this class twice a year!

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today, I'm sharing with you an interview with Chris Martin, a content producer and creativity coach who helps people unleash their creative fire by transforming imaginative ideas into tangible reality. 

Chris is a very caring creative person that asks deep questions, creates engaging projects, and is an ongoing source of encouragement for any person that collaborates with him. In fact, since the beginning of the Playing-it-safe podcast, Chris has been a key person helping me to brainstorm ideas and troubleshoot all types of technical challenges. 

If you're starting a creative project and want to get skills-based coaching, ongoing support, and collaborate with a person that genuinely cares about what you do, take a look at Chris's community: Curiosity Builders.

In this conversation, you will hear in particular how Chris handles overwhelming emotions, feedback, and personal narratives in regard to creative projects. And you will also hear specific tips to practice curiosity as a super-power!

Question for you: Are you subscribed to the Playing-it-safe podcast?

If you're not, I want to encourage you to do that today. I don't want you to miss an episode. I'll be adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the mix in the next couple of months and if you're not subscribed, you will them out. 

And if you have a minute, I welcome a review. I'll be very grateful if you leave a review on iTunes too! Those reviews are super helpful for others to find this podcast!

Just select "ratings and reviews" and "write a review" and let me know your favorite part of the podcast! Many thanks!  

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

To avoid is to be human. But what happens when we avoid things that we care about because they make us uncomfortable or sad?

What happens when we disconnect from the things that matter to us because we’re trying to control what we feel? What’s the long-term outcome of avoidant behaviors in our lives?

When you make a habit of avoiding the situations and activities that bring up discomfort, and the avoidance becomes a chronic pattern, then it's time to make a shift.

This episode will help you recognize avoidance behaviors that have been keeping you stuck and will tell you how to get mobilized. You will learn 3 specific activities you need to schedule in your weekly calendar to stop disconnecting and get back to your life.

IMPORTANT NEWS FOR YOU:

NEW BOOK: ACT for Perfectionism and High Achieving Behaviors: Do Things Your Way, Be Yourself, and Live a Purposeful Life.

Get your copy here

Wanting to give your best, making the best decisions you can, and striving to have all the information when something matters to you, doing these things makes sense because you care deeply. That’s not necessarily the problem; the problem is when these behaviors go unchecked, take on lives of their own, and become more debilitating than fulfilling

This is not a book in which you will read the usual clichés about high-achieving and perfectionistic actions. This is a book that shows you how to nurture, cultivate, and enrich your drive for high achievement without the sleepless nights, many hours of regret, years of blaming and criticizing yourself, or dwelling relentlessly on worries, fears, and anxieties.

I believe—and behavioral science shows—that to create and live the life we want, we need to learn to accept ourselves as we really are, rather than as we wish to be. And if you’re prone to being a high achiever and a perfectionist, this book is an invitation to do so.

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this conversation, I interview Debbie Sorensen, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, co-author of the book ACT daily Journal, and co-host of the psychology podcast Psychologists Off The Clock. In this episode, Debbie and I chat about different micro-skills, based on Acceptance and Commitment Training, that you can use to approach conversations that matter to you.

Here are the resources that we discussed in the conversation with Debbie:

• Conversation with Steve Hayes
• ACT Daily Journal: Get Unstuck and Live Fully with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
• Debbie's webpage

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Imagine if you make choices to give just 15% more of yourself to your relationships?

Imagine how your life would change if you make choices to give 20% more to your health? 

That’s what’s amazing about acknowledging the many moments of choice you have every time you're breathing. The possibilities are endless.

Unfortunately, most people live in automatic pilot mode, without paying attention to the choices they’re making and without realizing, they live small and play-it-safe all the time.

In this episode, I share with you 3 particulars states that you need to pay attention to in order to catch your moments of choices so you can stop playing it safe and starting living a purposeful life.

Complete the Playing-it-safe questionnaire to figure out:

- Your playing-it-safe profile

- Which playing-it-safe behaviors keep you stuck

- What you need to change is to stop playing small and start living a meaningful life.

Click here to figure out your Playing-it-safe profile

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

And yet, if this playing-it-safe move goes unchecked we may end up living lives that are not fulfilling, meaningful or rewarding.

In this conversation, I chatted with Paul Ollinger, a nationally-touring stand-up comedian, podcaster, and former digital sales leader.

This conversation was a powerful one because:

Paul shares in detail how he made a shift, twice, from having a career that looked perfect on the outside and was enjoyable, - great benefits, stable, great people to work with - to creating a career path that was meaningful and purposeful.

Paul shared the key questions he asked himself when figuring out what gives him meaning in this career:

• What would happen if I gave it all that I got in this life?
• What is my day-to-day life going to look like when I’m into this?
• What’s success?
• What’s my stress going to be about?
• Who will I spend time with?

Lastly, Paul shared his behind-the-scenes process when preparing for a stand-up show, starting with idea collection and ending in his mindset when performing in front of an audience.

You have heard me say this before, we all play-it-safe. The challenge is when we do it, how often we do it, and how we do it. Discounting what matters to us is just another playing-it-safe move and we better watch out for it!

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Most of us may go into a judgmental mode when making a mistake, saying the wrong thing, or looking back at actions we took in the past. Sometimes, we may even hold onto beliefs that "by being tough with ourselves, we're keeping ourselves in check so we don't make the same mistakes again." We do have tricky minds!

Here is what I can tell you: the science of self-compassion has shown us that "kindness takes us far."

In this conversation with Jonny Say, part 2, he shares three different ways to practice self-compassion: (1) relying on empathic and validating statements, (2) noticing the common humanity of our vulnerable moments, and (3) self-correcting our actions.

You will also hear me sharing a recent struggle I encountered and how self-compassion practices can be handy in those moments!

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

But are you aware of how it shows up and how you handle it?

In this episode, I invite you to answer 3 questions that will help you to figure out how you handle the fear of being a failure!

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this interview, I chat with Aaron Harvey, co-founder of Made of Millions, a non-profit organization that is at the vanguard of creating social media campaigns in mental health. We learn behind the scenes how he and his team conceive ideas and execute them. Made of Millions has been rebranding mental health, developing impactful messages for the lay audience, and creating awareness about mental health in work environments.

In a casual conversation, Aaron shared his process as a creative person and how he conceives an idea, how he handles creative stuckness, how he manages fears of his ideas not landing well, how he scales ideas and how he knows when to step back from an idea.

This was a very special conversation and hope you enjoy it!

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Our minds are a powerful content-generating machine that is constantly generating all types of thoughts. If you pay attention, your mind is coming up with all types of soundtracks about the past or the future. Does that sound familiar?

You cannot choose what picture, image, or thought your mind may come up with, but you can choose what to do next. In this episode, I share with you 3 tips to handle future-oriented soundtracks that your mind may come up with!

Subscribe & review in iTunes!

Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you're not, I want to encourage you to do that today. I don't want you to miss an episode. I'll be adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the mix in the next couple of months and if you're not subscribed, you will them out.

And if you have a minute, I welcome a review. I'll be very grateful if you leave a review on iTunes too! Those reviews are super helpful for others to find this podcast!

Just select "ratings and reviews" and "write a review" and let me know your favorite part of the podcast! Many thanks!

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection

to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and

how much is left undone, I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking,

Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t

change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging."

- Brene Brown

In this conversation, Jonny Say discussed with Dr. Z. his take on self-compassion, what's unique about Compassion Focused Therapy, what's behind our self-harsh criticism, and how we can learn different ways to relate to them.

Jonny primarily uses Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Compassion Focused Therapy in his client work and has created a number of resources on his YouTube Channel and Guided Meditation Library to support mental health and well-being. He believes passionately in the power of ACT and CFT for mental health recovery, having experienced his own challenges with Anxiety & Depersonalisation, OCD and Depression in the past.

You can connect with Jonny and the Mindfulness Circle on:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mindfulnesscircle/

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvoYN3priYPLQ278FFu_J0w

Twitter: https://twitter.com/mindfulcircle

Subscribe & review on iTunes!

Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you're not, I want to encourage you to do that today. I don't want you to miss an episode. I'll be adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the mix in the next couple of months and if you're not subscribed, you will them out.

And if you have a minute, I welcome a review. I'll be very grateful if you leave a review on iTunes too! Those reviews are super helpful for others to find this podcast!

Just select "ratings and reviews" and "write a review" and let me know your favorite part of the podcast! Many thanks!

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Rate, Review, & Subscribe on Apple Podcasts

“I love the Playing-it-safe podcast.” <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing this podcast!

This helps me support more people — like you — that want to handle perfectionism, procrastination, anxiety, and all types of fear-based emotions effectively.

You can go to apple podcasts, tap to rate with five stars, and select “Write a Review.” Let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven’t done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'll be adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you’re not subscribed, there’s a good chance you’ll miss out. It takes one second to subscribe!

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The reality is that as much as we want, wish, and hope for, we don’t know the answer to many things: Am I making the right decision? Am I going to be accepted? Is this the right way to spend my time? Is this a good partner for me? Would I like this job?

Though it is not comfortable, all those thoughts demand you to act and solve the unbearable “not-knowing” problem.

In this episode, I share with you a single tip for you to check how you relate to uncertainty.

Before you go, we do have a couple of things to tell you about!

(1) ACT beyond OCD, an online class for any person struggling with OCD is opening doors soon; you can register in the waitlist here: www.actbeyondocd.com

(2) If you want to get weekly free content from us right to your inbox, subscribe to the Playing-it-safe newsletter: https://playingitsafe.zone

(3) If you're generous, we welcome a review on Apple podcasts; your review will help to make this free resource available to others that want to get unstuck from anxiety. It takes 30 seconds to write a review and we love reading them!

(4) You can follow Dr. Z on Instagram @dr.z.passionatebehaviorist or Twitter @DrZ_behaviorist

IMPORTANT REMINDER: this podcast is for educational purposes and not a replacement for professional mental health.

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this conversation, Sarah shares how she gives herself permission to be a good enough parent, how she handles worry thoughts about her parenting, and how she manages her day-to-day activities as a mom, partner, and coach. 

Before you go, we do have a couple of things to tell you about!

(1) ACT beyond OCD, an online class for any person struggling with OCD is opening doors on June 28th; you can register on the waitlist here: www.actbeyondocd.com

(2) If you want to get weekly free content from us right to your inbox, subscribe to the Playing-it-safe newsletter: https://playingitsafe.zone

(3) If you're generous, we welcome a review on Apple podcasts; your review will help to make this free resource available to others that want to get unstuck from anxiety. It takes 30 seconds to write a review and we love reading them!

(4) You can follow Dr. Z on Instagram @dr.z.passionatebehaviorist or Twitter @DrZ_behaviorist

IMPORTANT REMINDER: this podcast is for educational purposes and not a replacement for professional mental health.

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Before you go, we do have a couple of things to tell you about!

(1) ACT beyond OCD, an online class for any person struggling with OCD is opening doors soon; you can register in the waitlist here: www.actbeyondocd.com

(2) If you want to get weekly free content from us right to your inbox, subscribe to the Playing-it-safe newsletter: https://playingitsafe.zone

(3) If you're generous, we welcome a review on Apple podcasts; your review will help to make this free resource available to others that want to get unstuck from anxiety. It takes 30 seconds to write a review and we love reading them!

(4) You can follow Dr. Z on Instagram @dr.z.passionatebehaviorist or Twitter @DrZ_behaviorist

IMPORTANT REMINDER: this podcast is for educational purposes and not a replacement for professional mental health.

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

But sometimes, our lives get messy, complicated, and hard to handle because unexpected things happen. On top of that, some contextual situations make things extra hard for us: struggles with mental health, being of a different race, having a different gender identity, belonging to a different religious group, and many more.

In this conversation I chat with Rae Senarighi, an international fine artist, designer, and muralist; transgender, and cancer survivor.You will listen directly how Rae practices self-compassion, self-acceptance and gratitude on a day-to-day life.

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Dr. Z discusses why it is important to develop a new relationship with your mind and how to do so. She shares three specific tips that you can put into action right away!

Before you go, we do have a couple of things to tell you about!

(1) ACT beyond OCD, an online class for any person struggling with OCD is opening doors soon; you can register in the wait list here: www.actbeyondocd.com

(2) If you want to get weekly free content from us right to your inbox, subscribe to the Playing-it-safe newsletter: https://playingitsafe.zone

(3) If you're generous, we welcome a review on Apple podcasts; your review will help to make this free resource available to others that want to get unstuck from anxiety. It takes 30 seconds to write a review and we love reading them!

(4) You can follow Dr. Z on Instagram @dr.z.passionatebehaviorist or Twitter @DrZ_behaviorist

IMPORTANT REMINDER: this podcast is for educational purposes and not a replacement for professional mental health.

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you like this episode, and feel generous, please write us a review! It helps with making this podcast available to others!

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this personal, relatable and real conversation, I chat with Michael Heady, LCPC and discuss how the fears of making mistakes, having high standards and imposter syndrome show up and how we all can learn to handle them effectively.

Learn research-based skills and actionable steps to make better decisions, adjust to uncertain situations, make bold moves, and do more of what matters to you.

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, I share a brief tip that you can practice anytime and anywhere to show kindness to yourself and discuss what connects mindfulness and self-compassion.

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This second part of my conversation with Steve Hayes, PhD., co-founder of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), is about the role of humility in science, in our lives, and in our belief systems.

You will hear specifically:

(1) How Steve cultivates humility as a scientist

(2) How Steve keeps himself humble and checks his ego

(3) How behavioral science invites all of us to be humble with our beliefs

(4) How behavioral science offers us a lens to understand polarized messages

(5) And whom Steve would like to have a chat with!

You can read what behavioral science really is about here: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/the-old-the-new-whats-in-about-being-a-behaviorist/

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Each week I create resources to get unstuck from worries, fears, anxieties, and obsessions so you can stop playing-it-safe and start living. If you think these resources are helpful, please share them with others!

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is Part 1 of a very personal conversation with Steve, and it gives us a peek into the life behind the scenes of a person that published over hundreds of academic papers and academic books, trained hundreds of clinicians, presented at countless of international conferences and developed a model of psychological science that has exploded in the last 30 years.

What to listen for:

• What was difficult for Dr. Hayes dealing with fear
• How Steve made a pivot from struggling with fear since very early in his life to learning to live with it
• How Steve learned to observe his fears, be curious about them, be interested on them, and at times, appreciate them
• How Steve practices self-compassion when struggling
• How Steve determined his values and how they helped him to navigate through daily life
• How Steve handled his fears about his first TEDx talk
• How Steve's personal experience shaped the development of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

Stay tuned for part 2!

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Mindfulness is all over; in academic settings, social media, low-key conversations, tv shows, media news, and more. We're living in a mindfulness revolution. Yet, despite all the dissemination, there are still misconceptions about it. In this episode, Dr. Z discusses common myths about mindfulness, how to practice it, and how you can put it into action in your day-to-day life.

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We chatted about how people make pivots in their careers and in their mindsets.In her research, Cheryl has identified 3 processes that help people to make a pivot; she shared the specifics of each one of them in our conversation. We also chatted about self-confidence and discussed how we think of it, what's similar, and what's different in our views.

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode