Transformative Parenting Podcast

On Follow-Through

Sun, 19 Sep 2021 15:05:10 GMT

There is an energy we can sometimes get when we're tired and following through out of habit verses because we are all in on it and feel it is necessary. This energy can taint our actions with reluctance and they will most likely be interpreted as petty and unnecessary as a result of that energetic reluctance.

I dive into what causes this…why we can lose momentum on our follow through and what it indicates that we must do next to fix it because we will only last so long following through from the place of exhaustion. This is sometimes triggered by feeling that what we are doing is not working, or we are leaking so much energy out to other things we've got nothing left for those next steps in life, the structures we put in place are actually in danger of collapse. And while these can be components the usual cause is more indirect. We've lost sight of why and connection to the original choice we made that created this follow-up sequence to begin with and without that connection we are just floating, rudderless without any sense of where we are going with the behavior.

In this episode I talk about ways we can reconnect with our why's and use our why to inform our how.

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Why We Sometimes Struggle to Ask for Help

Sun, 12 Sep 2021 19:00:00 GMT

Do you struggle to ask for help even when you want it? Is there is some part of you that feels like you have to do everything yourself? As parents our ability to ask for help from our children is tied to their developing sense of worth and it is an imp

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Why Strategy Isn't Enough

Sun, 05 Sep 2021 07:00:00 GMT

if you're a highly capable super smart parent, you're likely not going to get what you need to do to teach your innate skills to your child because it is counter-intuitive and against every natural inclination of your personality. In fact, your intelligence actually works against you here in this space, in the way you've always used it. You need to learn to employ your mind differently to get on top of this situation you now have brewing within your family of you trying to get your kids on track and the failure that your kids seem determined to pursue. Things will only get worse if you keep going from the mental landscape you've been operating in thus far.

Why?

Because you’re too smart to figure this out. You're too much in your head…and too disconnected from anything else. Because you're too driven toward your goal to understand why you can't achieve it. You're too focused on getting to the end, to understand the true obstacles your child faces. You can see nothing but what is missing, lacking and not there but miss all that is available and a massive resource to you in the process. This is why it will only get worse unless you learn some new skills to shape the way you think…to take that enormously powerful resource of your brain and stop it from plowing a barren field. You need to get control of your intelligence and harness it toward a new task. This is likely to be the hardest thing you have ever done.

Let's face it. You've never been very much in control of it, have you? Hasn't this big brain of yours driven you relentlessly over the years? Hasn't it been the one to make you pursue, rather relentlessly, your academic excellence or your career success? Hasn't it been the one exhausting you as a parent? Think back for a moment and ask yourself if you've ever really been able to direct the monster that is your head?

In this episode, I talk about what it was like to regain control over the monster in my head and how, ultimately, strategy and intelligence wasn't what I needed at all to get my kids on track.

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Parenting as a Practice

Sun, 29 Aug 2021 07:00:00 GMT

In this episode I talk about parenting for perfection and the benefits of cultivating the mindset of a parenting practice instead. Parenting for perfection is a way of rushing to the end of things and getting away from parenting duties as fast as you possibly can. When you parent for perfection you learn a bunch of tactics and strategies to throw at your parenting challenges and then hope to trick the part of you that will beat you to a pulp for getting it wrong into believing you know what your doing. It's an enormous amount of pressure to carry around and it actually shuts down your ability to learn and use new parenting techniques. Listen to this episode to get more clear on when you're in this mindset and how to step out of it.

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The Non-Transferable Quality of Relationships

Sun, 22 Aug 2021 07:00:00 GMT

We are in relationship with everyone and everything all the time. This episode examines our relationship with any given thing at any given time.

An absence of leadership leaves everything open to change…the natural result of which is to test boundaries to understand the new rules and the new playing field. In this episode I examine the difference between trying to loan our relationship with something to our children and having them develop a relationship with that thing themselves.

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The One About Developing Your Parenting Skills

Sun, 15 Aug 2021 07:00:00 GMT

In this episode I talk about what happens when you try to level up your parenting and some of the obstacles we encounter when we try to shift ourselves to a new center and boldly enter the world of big change.

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Parenting Hats and Maintaining Your Center

Sun, 08 Aug 2021 07:00:00 GMT

In this episode I examine the division of self that often happens to people when they put on their "parenting" hat and attempt to twist and mold themselves into a model that they have come to associate with what a "good" parent is or should be, or what makes them and their children acceptable to the people around them and what happens instead when they pull in their whole selves, their strengths, weaknesses, values, leadership style and honor their own power and individuality to be wise and thoughtful parents.

I talk about the practice of journaling to find and get clear on the parent you want to be...by inviting the authentic, truly wise and most thoughtful version of yourself in to bring forth your best.

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What it Means to be Disciplined

Sun, 01 Aug 2021 07:00:00 GMT

In this episode I explore my own rocky relationship with the word discipline, my random nature and how I reframed the process to work for me. I talk about what it really means to be disciplined or to enact it, and what happens when we don't have it. I also talk about the framework that discipline can provide us to confidently navigate unknowns in life, how to use it to lead, and also to assign meaning to the things we experience.

Tools:
For access to the tool mentioned in this podcast and bunch more to boot, go over to Christine Kane's soul sourced book site:
https://soulsourcedbook.com to download it.

If you liked this episode enough to give it a five-star review, head over to iTunes and let me know.

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Pressure, Body Language and Energy

Sun, 25 Jul 2021 07:00:00 GMT

A dog's view the world is all about energy, pressure and body language. They primarily process via means of non-verbal communication and even once you teach them words, they will always take what you are telling them with your energy and body language as being more true if the two are in conflict and this where I tell you the same happens with your kids.

People are very good at noticing when not "all of you" is on the same page. Children are especially tuned into this as when they are less verbal, it is their main way of processing as well. So why does this matter? It matters because you are placing them in a position to have to chose what you mean before they process anything else and this makes you a poor leader. Poor leaders can not be trusted because they are not consistent and congruent in their messaging. They erode the sense of safety and assurance that good leadership provides and leaves the pack without order or a sense of direction.

Are you making your kids choose between your body language and your energy or your words to know what you mean?

Processes mentioned in this episode:

Brain Dump ( h/t to Christine Kane for the name of this process) - The Brain Dump is a way of getting everything that is in your head outside of you. I use it in this episode to get my energy clean by putting everything in my head on paper.

Embracing Your Worst Case - This process is one I use when I notice wanting things beyond my control to go perfectly. I find my worst case scenario and just accept this as how things will go. This releases the energy and allows me to be present without unrealistic expectations.

If you liked this episode enough to give it a five-star review, head over to iTunes and let me know.

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Is Your Child's Free Will Ruining Your Plans?

Sun, 18 Jul 2021 07:00:00 GMT

In this episode I talk about the tendency of highly capable parents to be in love with their own way of doing things and how our children's insistence on "getting it wrong" is highly distressing to us.

There is a mindset in operation here that makes us just rush to the end...as if there is some pot of gold at the end of our "do it my way rainbow" that will make us never, ever experience another parenting problem ever again.

The problem with this mindset is that it leads to subtle power struggles that can distract our children from processing their own thoughts and feelings about their choice points because they are too busy fending off pressure from us to be able to drop down and notice what's going on inside.

I tell a story of how this played out in real life for me and how placing more value on personal experience and decision making, actually gifted my son with much needed momentum toward his goals.

For more powerful insights into parenting mindsets and leadership tips, go to www.makeyourparentingeffective.com and get my free guide "3 Mistakes Parents Make".

If you liked this episode enough to give it a five-star review, head over to iTunes and let me know.

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Fail Often and Loudly

Sun, 11 Jul 2021 18:54:46 GMT

In this episode I open up with a raw experience between myself and my daughter to illustrate what a fear of failure and protecting yourself from it can look like from the outside.

I explore what we get out of the "keeping ourselves safe" mindset and how we use it to avoid things that make us uncomfortable.

I give some tips on the mindsets that create the super power of being super comfortable with falling flat on your face in a very public way and our role as parents in creating and sustaining a fear of failure in our kids.

Action Steps:

Focus on who you're becoming more than what you get out of the activity
Take imperfect action
Start with small things that feel safe to fail in, something you know and accept you're not good at
Make your goals connected to outcomes you actually control
Go to www.makeyourparentingeffective.com to get my free guide "3 Mistakes Parents Make" for powerful insights into parenting mindsets and leadership tips for children who are struggling to do their homework.

If you liked this episode enough to give it a five-star review, head over to iTunes and let me know.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.