Are We There Yet?

Ella and Tessa Fortich (ages 19 and 13)

Thu, 14 Aug 2025 07:04:00 GMT

When I recorded this episode with Tessa and Ella Fortich in June, I didn't know it would be the last for a while, but it turned out to be the perfect season finale. My intention for this podcast has been to shed light on the experience of childhood and adolescent grief, and there's no better way to do that than to hear from kids and young adults themselves. Tessa and Ella Fortich set a great example by being open and honest about their feelings and what has helped them get through the last few months since their home was destroyed and Tessa's school was badly damaged. This conversation with two sisters, who are Altadena residents and grew up in the shadow of the San Gabriel Mountains that burned in the Eaton Fire in January 2025, is a powerful example of peers supporting one another through loss. I've seen this before at grief camps where kids who don't necessarily know each other very well benefit immensely from giving and receiving support. It's even more profound when siblings can do this, which is not always easy. But it was very clear from the start that Ella and Tessa have immense respect and compassion for each other. You can't see it in this audio-only interview, but they kept reaching for each other throughout the conversation, helping each other to articulate feelings and wade through their memories of January 7 and 8th. It was a great honor to interview them and to devote this mini-season to the 2025 Eaton Fire, which affected so many Altadena and Pasadena residents.

Stay tuned for the next season! The theme and timing of which is yet to be determined.

If you would like to support this show, please subscribe to my Substack to receive my newsletter (and eventually) the next season of the podcast in your inbox. You can also support the show monetarily by becoming a paid subscriber there.

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Michelle De Los Santos, LCSW

Thu, 31 Jul 2025 07:08:00 GMT

This highly informative episode focuses on how the trauma of fire loss, specifically the Eaton Fire, is affecting children and their parents, and how parents can help their kids manage. (I apologize for the unbalanced quality of this recording, which didn't manage to accommodate the low tones of Michelle's voice very well, and makes my voice louder.) I loved talking to Michelle because she's so knowledgeable about how to help kids manage after a traumatic experience or other stressful life events. She emphasizes the importance of parents taking care of themselves so they have the emotional stability and regulation to support their children. After a trauma, it's important to have the mental flexibility to be attuned to the different needs of different children, which can be a huge challenge when everyone is stressed. Just like when a death occurs, many parents worry about their kids without realizing that their own grief and stress are affecting the kids. And the kids will often downplay or repress their emotions because they don't want to add to their parents' stress. With compassion, Michelle emphasizes the importance of parents recognizing their own needs and taking care of themselves first, and then addressing their kids' emotional needs, while acknowledging that it's hard and no one is going to do anything perfectly under these circumstances.

Michelle is also a mother of three teens, and her family lived right next to Eaton Canyon until the fires burned their neighborhood. While grateful that her home survived, Michelle's family is still displaced, so she also has firsthand experience with the trauma of the fires on her own life.

If you would like to reach out to Michelle, you can find her website here: https://www.synapse-soul-therapy.com/

If you would like to support this show, please subscribe to my Substack to receive bi-weekly episodes and occasionally a newsletter in your inbox. You can also support the show monetarily by becoming a paid subscriber there.

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sitara Falcon

Thu, 17 Jul 2025 07:05:00 GMT

I always enjoy interviewing men because they tend to have a slightly different attitude about trauma and loss. Falcon and his family of four left their home up in the foothills of Altadena late on January 7 when the smoke was already thick and big embers were violently flying through the air. Their home didn't burn, but they could never go back because of the extensive damage and their landlord's decision to sell.

Falcon is a TK/Kindergarten teacher, so he understands child development and has valuable insights to share. But on January 7th, he was in survival mode. He didn't think about the effects on his kids of leaving their home in the middle of the night, not knowing if they'd ever come back again.

We talked about the gamut of losses, including our favorite hiking trails and the beauty and former vitality of the Altadena community. We all know Altadena will come back, but it will be different, and it will be a long time before people rebuild, and schools and businesses reopen. We had a great discussion about resilience and watching the students of Elliot Arts, whose school burned down, perform Shrek at the Ahmanson Theater in Los Angeles. It was an incredible experience to see the community come together to support kids who lost their school, and many of whom also lost homes.

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Daryl and Jessica Bilandzija

Thu, 03 Jul 2025 07:01:00 GMT

In this episode, I speak with two parents who lost their home in the Eaton Fire. Daryl and Jessica both teach in the community, so I was eager to find out how they see the kids in our area recovering from the destruction of their homes, schools, neighborhoods, and communities. They shared their unique experience of discovering their house was gone and processing the shock of seeing so many houses destroyed overnight. But they consider themselves lucky and are optimistic about what the future holds for their beloved Altadena. At the same time, they both expressed deep sadness over what has been lost and the many families for whom rebuilding may prove to be too challenging to pull off.

I was especially interested to hear how Jessica and Daryl's different schools rose to the occasion and managed to support the kids and families who were directly affected by the fires. Jessica teaches in Pasadena Unified School District, and Daryl is in neighboring La Canada, an affluent district just west of Altadena. I was very happy to hear that, as teachers, they felt supported and were impressed by how well their communities and schools worked together to support everyone who needed it.

We talked about the importance of working together to rebuild Altadena with special attention to community members who were residents long before it became a hot real estate market and are struggling to afford to rebuild. We mentioned a project called, "Voices From The Ground," organized by @altagether91001 (Instagram) and supported by My Tribe Rise and the NAACP Pasadena.

If you would like to support this show, please subscribe to my Substack receive bi-weekly episodes, and an occasional newsletter in your inbox. You can also support the show monetarily by becoming a paid subscriber there.

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Staci Mitchell

Thu, 19 Jun 2025 07:00:00 GMT

Staci Mitchell has lived in Altadena all her life, but in this conversation she explains that it wasn't until the media coverage of the recent fires that she understood she and her family are at the center of the historic Black community there. Staci is a semi-retired professor of Pan-African Studies at CalState LA, as well as a playwright, yoga instructor, and all-around creative force. She talks about her and her husband's ancestors who came to Altadena during the Great Migration and how many of their extended family and their children still live in the area. So when Staci lost her home, many of her family members were also displaced. But she was quickly reminded of just how resilient her community is and how supported it has been by the larger Black community, as well as the global human community, who showed up with tangible support and action.

We talked about her teenage son's reaction to the fires and how she navigated supporting him as well as herself and her whole family. I was struck by Staci's responses to the fires: The way she stayed calm as the fires raged and focused on figuring out what's next, once she understood her house was gone. Everyone responds to trauma and loss differently, but I loved Staci's immediate focus on recovery, centering, and healing.

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ed Robinson

Thu, 12 Jun 2025 10:00:00 GMT

This episode is a slight pivot from this season on the wildfires in Los Angeles because I felt I needed to do something in response to the protests and injustices happening right now. I had no idea when I interviewed Ed Robinson this morning that I would be staying up late to publish it tonight, but I found him so insightful and very helpful in this moment. Ed and I connected over podcasting and a mutual interest in grief, but Ed is a lifelong community organizer who has lived in L.A. all his life and was around during the Watts riots of 1965 and the protests after the acquittal of four police officers who were caught on video beating Rodney King in 1992. The protests right now are very different: They are largely peaceful and ongoing in reaction to the continued violence committed by law enforcement on the protesters and the abductions and detentions by ICE that are tearing families apart. But it's useful to look back on these previous historical turning points to understand what's happening today and to listen to elders like Ed, who has lived through them and helped his community respond. When I asked Ed how he was personally dealing with what's going on he said, "I wake up every morning asking myself who I can help today." When we all do that, we can prevail over the hate and senseless violence being done to our communities.

Ed mentioned the Compton Initiative, which you can learn more about at JustDoGood.Org

Ed has worn many hats including hosting a public access cable TV show, being a pastor at two different churches in Compton, being a podcaster, and most recently becoming a life coach. You can find Ed on Instagram @connectwithed. I also recommend his podcast @deependwithed.

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Erin O'Toole-Delawari

Thu, 29 May 2025 07:03:00 GMT

I'm so pleased to be able to share this deeply moving interview with Erin O'Toole-Delawari, a teacher and mother of four who lost her home in January when the Eaton Fire tore through her neighborhood. Erin is so thoughtful in her explanation of what happened to her and her family, their trauma responses, and her understanding of those responses now. It's an incredible story of what happens in a natural disaster and how Erin, as a mother and a teacher, carried the responsibility of caring for children and pets in a moment of having no control over what's happening. She talks about going back in the morning while Altadena was still burning, and how they could feel the heat from inside their car, and what it was like to see their home as it smoldered after it burned down. We often hear the word "indescribable" when people talk about grief, but Erin does an amazing job of telling this story in a way that makes me feel I was there. I was also deeply moved by how Erin talked to her students, all of whom were traumatized, about what they all went through.

Listening to Erin was very healing for me, as someone who lives close to Altadena and has felt a lot of that communal grief in the months since the fires. I felt validated by the way she described what she did as they were evacuating. It gives me some insight into my planning around such terrible events.

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Jen and Ted Muller

Thu, 15 May 2025 07:09:00 GMT

This week's episode is an interview with my brother and sister-in-law, Jen and Ted Muller, who lived through the 2018 Camp Fire, the deadliest and most destructive fire in California history. Ted was working in Paradise, CA, as an ER doctor when the fire broke out, and he narrowly escaped. Meanwhile, Jen was an hour and a half away, knowing Ted was in danger, but with no way to contact him. I wanted to ask them about this harrowing experience and how they explained it to their three kids, who were still pretty young. Jen and Ted returned to Paradise to help the community in the aftermath of the fire and saw firsthand the beauty of a community coming together in the face of a horrible disaster. I loved hearing them talk about how they found support and when they needed it, and were able to support others once the fires were out.

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Best-Selling Author Laurel Braitman

Thu, 08 May 2025 07:04:00 GMT

Welcome to Season Three, a shorter season devoted to exploring how families and kids respond to the grief associated with fire losses. Laurel Braitman is the best-selling author of Animal Madness and What Looks Like Bravery, the latter of which is a memoir about losing her father when she was a teen, then her family home in a fire when she was an adult, and soon after that, her mother to cancer. Laurel knows a lot about adolescent grief and fire loss, so I knew she'd be a great guest to kick off this season devoted to the recent wildfires in Los Angeles. Laurel shares deeply about the loss of her father and how her coping mechanisms of striving for excellence in all things didn't end up serving her very well as she matured. Losing the family ranch in a wildfire brought some things into focus, and she was able to support her mother at the end of her mother's life. I learned a lot from this conversation about how such different types of losses were inextricably linked in Laurel's life. Being a writer, she's articulate and insightful about the various strands of grief and how they've become part of her story.

To hear another interview with Laurel about fire loss, I recommend her interview on rebuilding after fire with Slate's, "How To" podcast.

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Bonus Episode with Benji Gabler

Thu, 20 Feb 2025 08:04:00 GMT

I recorded this episode with Benji Gabler in October 2024 which seems like a lifetime ago. I had planned to publish it in January and then the fires happened and I shifted gears to try to address the losses of my community. But once I finished season 2 I still wanted to publish this episode with Benji, which is a beautiful conversation about fatherhood as it relates to early loss, something I haven't had an opportunity to address before. Benji lives in Isreal which added another layer of interest for me as I have always admired Jewish traditions around death and mourning. Being a therapist, Benji brought a lot of self-awareness and depth to this conversation and our views on parenting and grief were remarkably in sync. I loved how Benji was able to hold a lot of sadness along with gratitude for the loss of his father when he was just six years old and the way he was supported by his community growing up.

If you'd like to learn more about Benji please visit his website https://www.bsgpsychotherapy.com

I will be taking a break from the podcast while I work on a mini-season devoted to fire loss and its effects on families and kids.

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Season 2 Finale With AJ Johnson

Thu, 06 Feb 2025 08:04:00 GMT

For this last episode, I spoke with AJ Johnson about the early loss of her mother when she was 16, as well as how she's navigating the collective grief we're all experiencing here in LA. AJ is a hilarious person, and I was giggling throughout the interview despite the heaviness of this moment in our city. I met AJ at Comfort Zone Camp, so we talked about camp and the tools it has given her to manage her grief from adolescence into adulthood and how she's using those tools now. I especially love how she talks about asking for what you need, which is something I've been learning ever since the wildfires overwhelmed LA a few weeks ago. But AJ had many other anecdotes to share about what she's learned about her grief and how to ask for what she needs.

I apologize for the lack of editing on this last episode as my editing platform just stopped working for some unknown reason. So, this is an unedited recording of an awesome conversation. I don't think there is too much I would have taken out other than annoying background sounds, but I would have done that if I could.

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Bella and Catalina (Age 22 an 19) On The Fires

Thu, 23 Jan 2025 08:06:00 GMT

Because I live very close to Altadena in Los Angeles and because of the fires that raged through here two weeks ago, I decided to pivot and record an episode with two people I love about how they're doing after losing their home in the Eaton Fire. This is all very fresh for them (and for me) and I only had a day to edit so the episode is longer and more raw than usual. But it is already one of the most powerful episodes I've done because my guests were so great, so honest, and real, and it's such new territory for all of us. I'm just beginning to grasp the magnitude of the collective grief surrounding me.

Bella and Cataline Bilandzija grew up in Altadena and lived in a lovely home that was constantly changing. They were used to their parents, Jessica and Daryl, always renovating and doing the work themselves. Even the gardens were continually shifting and evolving to meet their desires. But no one was ready for it all to disappear in an enormous fire that took out entire blocks of houses and businesses, leaving the wonderful area called Altadena forever changed. Bella and Catalina were both away at their respective colleges having just returned to school after winter break when the fires happened. I was curious how they were processing the loss of their beloved childhood home from afar. Death is often hard to conceive of, and what I've learned is that losing a home is very much like a death loss. Homes become a part of us, like members of the family, and fires take all the belongings that help us feel comfortable in a new home. It is an enormous loss that will likely stay with Bella and Catalina for the rest of their lives.

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Volunteering At Comfort Zone

Thu, 09 Jan 2025 08:41:13 GMT

This episode with Steve Pomerantz dives into why volunteering at Comfort Zone Camp is so rewarding. When I met Steve at CZC, he struck me as a bright light I wanted to get to know better. Steve brings so much energy and enthusiasm to camp that he epitomizes the joy and fun we have at CZC and why kids get so much out of it. Because Steve has volunteered at CZC for so many years, he has seen a broad range of grieving kids and was able to share his insights on the differences between different ages and how kids who return year after year continue to benefit from the experience. Steve also owns a funeral home called Gentle Water specializing in water cremation, which I had never heard of before. So if you're curious about Comfort Zone, volunteering, or environmentally friendly options for cremation and burial, you won't want to miss this episode.

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Talking With My Sister Kate

Thu, 26 Dec 2024 08:04:25 GMT

I recorded this episode with my eldest sister Kate last spring but it took some time to edit and release it. Listening to Kate talk about the loss of our mother highlighted for me how completely different our experiences were, largely due to our seven-year age difference but also our attitudes and views on grief, and because she moved to New Zealand and I moved to California when we were both fairly young. Because of these differences and distances, my sister Kate and I have had very few discussions about losing our mother, so this conversation brought up a lot of old feelings. I have a particular idea of grief, which entails processing various feelings over time and eventually forging or cultivating a relationship with the person who died, either through memories, a spiritual connection, or both. But there are certainly many other ways that people view and experience grief that are less about feelings and making conscious decisions about it. It's always good for me to expand my views of how people think about their grief, and this episode did that. I particularly appreciated Kate's perspective on mourning, having lived in New Zealand for most of her life.

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Claudia and Olivia Biggs (Age 22 and 20)

Thu, 12 Dec 2024 08:07:44 GMT

Claudia and Olivia Biggs lived through a very difficult and at times hellish period when their mother suddenly became seriously mentally ill. They were in middle and high school when it happened so their father John was caring for all three of them for several years. (I interviewed John Biggs earlier in the season and I recommend listening to his episode too because he tells a more chronological story of what happened over that period.) Their Dad was upset and overtaxed and struggled to support the kids emotionally while dealing with the pressure of all his responsibilities.

I find it really informative to hear the kids' perspective as well as the parent's and hear how different their experiences and memories are of the situation they all lived through. The grief of losing a family member to illness is a common theme on this show, but this episode really illustrates the trauma of losing a parent to illness and then death, because their mother was not able to parent them at all while she was ill. Mental illness adds another level of difficulty because the American medical system is much less well-funded when it comes to caring for people with serious mental illness and is so stigmatized that the community of family and friends tends to pull away rather than step up. I found this conversation deeply impactful and truly expanded my ideas about trauma and loss in young people. Like my own family, the Biggs are a family of artists and it was fascinating to hear how their creative work was part of the story.

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ari Jalomo (Age 20)

Fri, 29 Nov 2024 08:12:42 GMT

In this episode, I speak with the wonderful Ari Jalomo, a student at Kenyan College currently studying abroad in Spain. Ari and I met at Comfort Zone Camp this past summer, where she was participating in the young adults group and I was volunteering as the group's "mentor." I was so impressed by Ari, as a great example of someone who has clearly benefited from going to CZC over many years and having the opportunity to talk about her loss multiple times. Ari's father died by homicide when she was seven years old, and even at a young age Ari advocated for herself and requested a camp "Big Buddy" who had experienced a similar loss. She is very clear about how she was able to process the loss of her father over many years, as she was growing up, and how it developed and changed. Ari is incredibly articulate about the resources she was given as a child, the adults who supported her, and aware of where she is in the long arc of childhood grief. I love talking to someone who understands her grief from living it and examining it over many years. As a parent, I know I would be very encouraged to have a child who is as comfortable talking about their grief as Ari.

If you would like to support this show, please subscribe to my Substack where you will receive bi-weekly episodes and occasionally a newsletter in your inbox. You can also support the show monetarily by becoming a paid subscriber there.

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Doneila McIntosh Studies Black Grief

Thu, 14 Nov 2024 08:46:45 GMT

Doneila McIntosh, M.Div., M.A. is a researcher getting her PhD in Family Social Science from the University of Minnesota. Her work as a therapist focuses on compassionate grief therapy, helping families navigate the intersection of grief and trauma. Her research is focused on disenfranchised grief among African American families particularly in the aftermath of violent death.

It was amazing to talk to someone so knowledgeable about the disproportionate amount of death and loss in Black communities and studies the effects of that on families. Doneila works with families and prefers to think about grief in the context of the family system, rather than looking at each individual. We talked a lot about the difference between childhood and adult grief and how the grief of Black American families is largely disenfranchised, meaning it is often dismissed without being attended to or acknowledged. This is often true of childhood grief so Black children and teens are twice ignored by society and their expressions of grief are often policed and controlled. Because of the prevalence of Black death, Black children are four times more likely to have a major loss in childhood, and many experience multiple losses which can lead to desensitization and disassociation. We talked about the particular challenges that Black children face when it comes to grief and trauma and how adults in their communities can best support them.

We talk about Doneila's appearance on another podcast, "Grief Out Loud," which you can listen to here. This is a great resource about the importance of literacy around the magnitude of Black death and grief.

We also spoke about two books: In the Wake: On Blackness and Being by Christina Sharpe and Passed On by Karla FC Holloway

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Gina Troisi On Writing Childhood Trauma

Thu, 31 Oct 2024 07:42:40 GMT

Gina Troisi's Memoir The Angle of Flickering Light is a beautiful account of her confusing and often scary childhood through the eyes of her younger self. I was immediately drawn in by this book and Gina's ability to write so precisely from the perspective of a child about the complexity of her father's and stepmother's emotional abuse, which led to her having eating disorders at a young age, doing too many drugs, and other self-destructive habits.

What surprised me most about Gina's story was how much I related to it even though our childhoods were radically different. Gina did not have a loss due to death but her parent's divorce and her father's abusive behavior resulted in her having symptoms of PTSD at a young age and receiving very little support. We ended up talking a lot about writing about trauma, but also the way parents in the '70s and '80s expected kids to magically get along in blended families. Without much support, kids were (and still are) often expected to negotiate complex relationships with step-parents and stepsiblings at a young age.

I highly recommend Gina's book which you can find on her website.

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hailey Smith (age 25)

Thu, 17 Oct 2024 07:53:51 GMT

Hailey is another amazing young adult who I met through Comfort Zone Camp. Hailey has been through a lot of turmoil in her life and she is just an amazing example of resiliency and learning to cope with the fallout of the losses she has experienced. While Hailey was in high school, two of her siblings died within the span of two years. Life at home was hard and her main sources of support were her best friend and a school psychologist who inspired her to become a school counselor.

Hailey's brother Dillon died by suicide when Hailey was a freshman and he was a senior at the same high school. The school's policies made it harder for her in the aftermath of her brother's death because they didn't want to "glorify" his death and forbid anyone, including teachers, from talking about it. Hailey points out that this policy only magnified the stigma around suicide and encouraged a lot of misinformation and gossip which was hurtful to her and her family. When her brother Sean died of an accidental overdose two years later, Hailey was a senior and Sean was in his twenties so she didn't tell anyone, wanting to avoid the same kind of gossip that the school engaged in previously. Both situations resulted in exacerbating the isolation and alienation that Hailey was already feeling in the wake of her brothers' deaths.

Hailey also talks about how she coped growing up in a household with substance abuse and how those coping mechanisms that helped her survive in childhood, were not healthy for her as she grew up. It took a lot of work for her to unlearn her mind's reflex to disassociate but when she did, her other trauma symptoms of flashbacks and nightmares improved. Hailey shares how she deals with her symptoms and the strategies she has learned to take care of herself and enjoy life.

At the beginning, I mentioned Comfort Zone Camp which I highly recommend for anyone who has dealt with the loss of a parent or other important family member early in life. They have free, weekend-long camps for kids, teens, and young adults. And if you are older and curious about the camp, I recommend looking into volunteering. I have done it three times now and will continue as long as possible.

If you would like to support this show, please subscribe to my Substack where you will receive bi-weekly episodes and a bi-weekly newsletter in your inbox. You can also support the show monetarily by becoming a paid subscriber there.

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr. Julie Kaplow

Thu, 03 Oct 2024 07:15:21 GMT

In this episode, we delve deep into the research and practical experience of Dr. Julie Kaplow, PhD, ABPP, a leading psychologist in the field of childhood grief and trauma. It is always gratifying to learn that the research aligns with what I've learned by interviewing people who lost a family member at a young age. Early in her career, she began to differentiate between grief and trauma while also recognizing the ways they overlap, particularly in children. She shares why it's important to understand the difference between PTSD symptoms and grief responses in kids and how she treats them differently. We talked about the important role parents play in the aftermath of a death, as well as the importance of other community members, including teachers, friends, and relatives, to understand the peculiarities of childhood grief. All of this aligns perfectly with the purpose of this show: To help everyone understand what grieving kids need, and the long-term effects of early loss.

If you'd like to learn more about Dr. Kaplow you can find more information here.

I mentioned Comfort Zone Camp which I highly recommend for anyone who has dealt with the loss of a parent or other important family member early in life. They have free, weekend-long camps for kids, teens, and young adults. And if you are older and curious about the camp, I recommend looking into volunteering. I have done it twice and will continue as long as possible because I find volunteering so beneficial.

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Nora Martinez (age 24)

Thu, 19 Sep 2024 07:53:08 GMT

Nora Martinez lost her father Ken to gastrointestinal (GIST) cancer almost twenty years ago when she was just five years old. As someone who has benefited from having support for her grief throughout her childhood and adolescence, Nora provides a fascinating window into childhood grief through her ability to reflect on it with clarity and perspective. I have encountered many people my age who lost a parent or other close family member in childhood who did not get much support and still struggle to talk about the loss or even admit that it has affected their lives.

I love talking to younger people who have grown up in a culture and family that is more open to talking about grief and getting mental health support. Nora started attending Comfort Zone Camp at age nine and credits her ongoing relationship with CZC and the people she met there with her ability to be the loving and compassionate person she has become. I loved her description of her grief as a kind of "golden armor" that gives her strength but also allows her to respond with empathy and wisdom.

We spoke about Comfort Zone Camp which I can't recommend more highly for anyone who has dealt with the loss of a parent or other important family member early in their life. They have free, weekend-long camps for kids, teens, and young adults. And if you are older and curious about the camp, I recommend looking into volunteering. I have done it twice and will continue to do it as long as I can because volunteering is just as beneficial as being a camper.

We also talked about the book, Abuela, Don't Forget Me by Rex Ogle.

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Edwidge Danticat

Thu, 05 Sep 2024 14:20:03 GMT

It was an honor to interview Edwidge Danticat, one of my favorite writers on death, dying, and grief about her early losses and what she is trying to achieve in her work. We spoke about her new book "We're Alone," a collection of essays about her life as a writer straddling her life as a Haitian immigrant with strong ties to her home country. I also asked about some of her earliest books ("Breath, Eyes, Memory," "Brother, I'm Dying," and "Krik? Krak!") because she has written so beautifully about death and loss, both through the eyes of a child but also throughout adulthood. Having been separated from her parents for eight years at the age of four, she has written extensively about the particular experience of loss due to displacement and how that early loss echoes through her later losses of her parents. We discussed the contrast between the ever-changing mourning rituals in Haiti and in the U.S., and how the younger generations are adapting traditional practices to suit their needs. We also talked about Christina Sharpe's amazing book "In the Wake: On Blackness and Being" and how she and Danticat have both tried to address the magnitude of Black grief in their work.

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

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Mona Gable On Losing Her Mother To Mental Illness

Thu, 22 Aug 2024 07:59:26 GMT

In this episode, I interview journalist and author Mona Gable about growing up in the 1950s with her mother who was mentally disabled by brain surgery right after Mona was born. Mona was never told what had happened to her mother which only contributed to her feelings of shame and isolation as a child growing up with a mother who was incapable of caring for her and instead required constant care. Mona says, "My mother was a complete mystery to me." All she knew was that none of her friends had a mother like hers. It's the kind of "ambiguous loss" that no one talked about at the time, and it's incredible to hear how resilient and driven Mona was from a very young age. She managed to leave home, get herself through college, and get the support she needed to pursue a successful career as a writer. Her work has focused on many things including health issues, parenting, travel, and indigenous issues.

We started out talking about her latest book, Searching for Savannah. To find out more about Mona and her work visit her website.

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

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Maya Puterbaugh (age 24)

Thu, 08 Aug 2024 07:40:06 GMT

This episode is jam-packed with wisdom from Maya Puterbaugh, one of my younger guests, who knows a ton about grief and overcoming the trauma of a fatal car accident. After attending Comfort Zone Camp, Maya became a volunteer Big Buddy and now trains other volunteers for Comfort Zone Camp. She is so knowledgeable and a true leader when it comes to advocating for grieving kids. Maya shares very openly about what she went through when she lost her mother at sixteen. Maya's parents were divorced, so her father regained sole custody which meant moving back to California after living in Las Vegas, changing high schools, and leaving her two-year-old half-brother and stepdad. She had sustained injuries in the accident so there was a lot of change, grief, and recovery happening all at once. Maya credits Comfort Zone, therapy, and both her father and stepfather for understanding the complexity of her situation and knowing how to support her and her siblings.

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

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Hospice Nurse Tim Tattu

Thu, 25 Jul 2024 07:20:16 GMT

Tim Tattu left a creative career in film production to become a hospice nurse after studying Zen meditation with an instructor who asked him to help set up a place to care for people who are dying in Washington State called Enso House. His whole life story is fascinating and I loved talking with him about grief and dying and his own childhood losses. Tim brings so much presence, wisdom, and compassion to this deep discussion about grief and how it affects us early in life and as we grow older. The most powerful thing he had to share was the idea of staying present to the mystery of death at the end of life and how that can help us be more present in our experiences of death and grief.

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

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John Biggs On Losing His Wife To Mental Illness

Thu, 11 Jul 2024 07:53:43 GMT

In this episode, John Biggs takes us through the heartbreaking odyssey of losing his wife Samantha to a sudden mental breakdown. Seemingly overnight, Samantha went from being an incredible mother and artist to someone who could no longer function when their kids were just 12 and 14. John is a very entertaining storyteller so we laughed even more than we cried as he recounted the years when he had to become a full-time dad, caretaker, and breadwinner as Samantha was in and out of institutions. John's honesty, vulnerability, and openness as he described the most challenging moments of his ordeal is deeply moving. Samantha eventually died of her illness in 2022 so his kids are now in their early twenties and beginning to process the trauma of losing their mother to mental illness and then death. John's appreciation of his kids' grief and his instincts to protect them from the hurtful comments of others is a truly inspiring story of a man beautifully parenting his kids through the worst circumstances.

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

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Mackenzie Mazen (age 25)

Thu, 27 Jun 2024 07:14:18 GMT

In this episode, I speak to the amazing Mackenzie Mazen about being a little buddy and then a big buddy at comfort zone camp after her father died by suicide when she was ten. Once again, I was so impressed by another GenZer who is open to sharing her experience of grief. Mackenzie is very light-hearted and loves to joke and laugh about her childhood trauma which made our conversation fun and engaging. She shared about all the grief support she had growing up and how she continues to engage and participate in multiple grief spaces while pursuing her work in the non-profit sphere. Even though the topic of our discussion is heavy, Mackenzie brings a lightness to everything she does without shying away from the horrors of her father's death.

We talked about The Dinner Party, Comfort Zone Camp, and Amazen Cookies

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

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Dan Koeppel On Choosing (Quality Of) Life

Thu, 13 Jun 2024 07:52:41 GMT

In this episode, I talk to journalist and author Dan Keoppel about how he centered his role as a father when choosing his treatment for bladder cancer. As a science reporter, he approached his diagnosis with curiosity and extensive research to figure out how to manage his cancer while being the Dad he wanted to be. Dan is so knowledgeable about his disease that he has been able to make the most informed decisions possible regarding his treatment. But his goal is not to "beat" cancer. Instead, Dan's aim is to live as well as possible alongside his disease so that he can enjoy the life he has. This is a deeply moving conversation with someone who looks at death squarely while exercising his curiosity and sense of humor, which is a wonderful way to live.

To find out more about Dan, click here.

To read the piece that made me want to talk to him, click here.

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

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Staying Connected With Evin Rose Terranova

Thu, 30 May 2024 07:58:22 GMT

I had so much fun interviewing Evin Rose Terranova who I met volunteering at Comfort Zone Camp earlier this year. She has been volunteering at the grief camp for kids for several years and has learned a lot from supporting grieving kids. Evin was just eight years old when her father died by suicide and she was lucky enough to have an amazing mother who supported her beautifully with therapy and grief support. But even under those circumstances, grieving the loss of her Dad has been a long journey that challenged her sense of who she was and what she wanted from life. This search landed her in a beautiful career as a self-love and relationship coach. It is clear from listening to Evin that she understands the importance of community and connection when it comes to healing our deepest wounds. What a gift she is to the world and I am so glad to be able to call her my new friend.

You can find Evin on Instagram @EvinRose or her website EvinRoseCoaching.com

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

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Rethinking Resilience With Dr. Lucy Hone

Thu, 16 May 2024 07:25:56 GMT

In this deeply moving episode which is also packed with useful information, Dr. Lucy Hone shares her unique perspective, expertise, and personal knowledge of resilience. Resilience is a tricky word because it sometimes gets used inappropriately with kids as a way to discount their experience. We've all heard the phrase "kids are resilient" which is often true but is not an excuse to assume they don't need support to recover from a trauma and/or loss. As Dr. Hone explains, kids do better with the right support at home, but can also learn to strengthen their resilience given the tools she writes about in her book "Resilient Grieving." Having lived through the devastating earthquakes in New Zealand in 2011 and then losing her young daughter and two friends in a car accident in 2014, Dr. Hone has direct experience testing the theories of resilience she has focused on throughout her career.

For more information on Dr. Hone click above or here. And to find her book "Resilient Grieving" you can go anywhere you order books or find it here.

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

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Siblings Sarah And Ben Satzman

Thu, 02 May 2024 07:36:22 GMT

Sarah and Ben Satzman are both in their early twenties and were very close to their grandfather Joel Satzman when he died unexpectedly last year. They were able to be with him at the very end of his life and that experience had a huge impact on them. You can hear in their stories about him how much they adored their grandfather and the unique role he played in their lives. He was a great support and strong presence, calling often and showing up to important events throughout their childhoods and they both depended on his special brand of attention. I loved hearing the differences and the similarities between Ben and Sarah's experiences, and it was beautiful to hear how well they supported each other when he died. In the year since that day, Ben and Sarah have both learned a lot about themselves and their grief. Young adults are often my favorite guests and my best teachers, and Sarah and Ben taught me a lot about how family can sometimes be the best support system after a loss.

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Artist Terry Chatkupt

Thu, 18 Apr 2024 07:19:29 GMT

Terry Chatkupt is a visual artist whose current show at the Armory Center for the Arts in Pasadena, California is about the 2020 lockdown and its effect on his family. This podcast was started, in part, to address some of the reporting on adolescent mental health in the aftermath of the pandemic that was sorely lacking. Stories in mainstream media missed an opportunity to interview young people and instead turned to experts who had little knowledge of childhood grief. So I was excited to do an episode addressing the pandemic from the perspective of one man investigating how it affected his own family while trying to convey his appreciation the privilege of having a safe place to live. Terry is also a teacher, so we talked about what we have observed in our students as well as our families and what it may mean for an entire generation to have missed some crucial parts of their social and emotional development as a result of the isolation we all endured for a time.

https://www.terrychatkupt.com/

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Author Sara Zarr on Grief for Young Readers

Thu, 04 Apr 2024 07:50:39 GMT

Acclaimed author Sara Zarr has published ten novels for young readers, as well as two books of non-fiction about creativity. She’s a National Book Award finalist and two-time Utah Book Award winner. Her first book, Story of a Girl, was made into a 2017 television movie directed by Kyra Sedgwick. She also hosts the podcast "This Creative Life," all of which you can find on her website below.

I'm a huge fan of Sara's books because she writes about many different forms of loss and does it beautifully, realistically, and honestly without glossing over her characters' struggles. Her latest book, "Kyra, Just for Today" is a follow-up to her previous book, "A Song Called Home," both of which feature young characters living in alcoholic family systems. I love Sara's writing because she takes on kids' hardships while showing us how her characters learn and grow from them. We talked about why she writes about dysfunctional families and the toughest aspects of growing up and why she often gives her characters creative outlets. I appreciate Sara's thoughtful approach to addressing the economic realities of the worlds she creates, and her sharing her motivation and approach to writing about grief from a young person's perspective.

To find out more about Sara:

https://www.sarazarr.com/books

If you enjoy the show please rate and review! You can also find me here @annbfaison on Instagram, or contact me through my website.

Please subscribe to the podcast on whatever platform you use, or on my substack: I'm Listening

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Léa Greenberg (age 20) On Losing Her Mother

Thu, 21 Mar 2024 08:05:50 GMT

I'm excited to kick off the second season with another interview with a young adult. In this episode I talk with Léa Greenberg, a junior in college, about losing her mother and maternal grandmother by age fifteen. Her mother and grandmother were both French so Léa also lost a big piece of her French identity. We could have talked for hours so it took a lot of work to edit our conversation to fifty minutes. Léa articulates why it was hard as a teenager to deal with pity from adults and all the other hard lessons of losing her mother at a young age. As usual, when talking to a GenZ guest, I was filled with hope for her and gratitude for our conversation. Léa is amazingly clear about what is most difficult about not having a mother, and how she uses her experience to help others. For an extra fifteen minutes of our conversation, you can listen to the bonus episode.

You can find me here @annbfaison on Instagram, or on my substack, or contact me through my website.

Please subscribe to the podcast on whatever platform you use, or on my substack: I'm Listening

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Léa Greenberg Bonus content

Thu, 21 Mar 2024 07:14:28 GMT

This is an extra fifteen minutes of my conversation with Léa Greenberg. It won't make much sense if you haven't listened to the full episode but we talk about Harry Potter, holding onto her French identity and what she plans to do for her career.

Please consider subscribing to the podcast on whatever platform you use or on my substack: I'm Listening

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Coming Soon!!

Thu, 07 Mar 2024 08:08:04 GMT

Coming soon! Season two is shaping up nicely and I should be posting the first episode in a couple of weeks. This trailer is about what you can expect from the next season and how my thinking about adolescent grief has expanded and changed.

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Season Finale with Grace Muller

Thu, 01 Feb 2024 08:53:09 GMT

I'm so pleased that my daughter Grace Muller was able to come on the show for the last episode of the first season. Grace is an artist and a junior at Bennington College in Vermont, so we sat down to record while she was home for the holidays. It's a more casual, less edited conversation but we went deep into the ways that she understands her relationship to grief and I had no idea where the conversation would go. But it went in very interesting directions from talking about how she responded to loss as a toddler and small child to the difficulty of grieving a romantic partnership as an adult. We got very silly at the beginning and the rest of the conversation maintained that joyful spirit, which was a great way to end the season.

I'm taking time off before the next season to organize my list of guests, so if you would like to be invited as a guest or have ideas for people I might invite on the show please reach out to me. I am always looking for teens and young adults, but anyone who feels they have a perspective on the topic that they would like to share.

You can DM me @annbfaison on Instagram, find me on my substack, or contact me through my website.

Please consider subscribing to the podcast on whatever platform you use or on my substack: I'm Listening

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the song "Time Does Not Bring Relief" from her album "We Fall."

If you would like to support the show you can become a paid subscriber on Substack. Thank you!

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Grief Is A Learning Process

Thu, 18 Jan 2024 08:34:05 GMT

This week I speak with Elise Gaul, a therapist specializing in grief and loss who works in multiple modalities including EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitizing and Reprocessing) therapy. Elise explains why EMDR works well to address "covert grief," a term she coined for the parts of childhood grief that can profoundly affect a person's life, often without their awareness. Her stints as the executive director of a grief center called Peter's Place and the director of Camp Erin, a bereavement camp for children led us to talk about what parents and caregivers can do to minimize the long-term negative effects of grief on kids. I loved Elise's attitude about grief as a learning process and her curiosity and interest in working with adults to try to unlock some of the negative beliefs that childhood grief can create.

To learn more about Elise and her work please visit her website

To read Elise's fascinating article on Covert Grief that led me to invite her on the show read this blog post

To learn more about EMDR visit APA or EMDRIA

Please take a moment to rate and review the show or leave comments on my Substack "I'm Listening."

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the intro and outro music from her album "We Fall."

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Lost and Found

Thu, 04 Jan 2024 08:10:48 GMT

I'm thrilled to have my son Skops Faison and his friend Sean Dillon on the show to talk about the grief that results from coming out as trans or nonbinary. Skops and Sean are both seniors in high school who came out to their families as trans during the pandemic. There are many parallels in their stories and many contrasts as well. The conversation was wide-ranging in terms of the many losses and gains that come with identifying as gender nonbinary. We talked about losing family, watching parents grieve their expectations of who their kids are, and the different advantages and disadvantages of being identified by others as male versus female. I was fascinated to learn so many things I'd never considered about straddling those different social groups and identities through middle and high school. As always when talking to teenagers or young adults, I feel very optimistic after hearing how articulate and aware they are of what they are going through.

I open the discussion with a reference to the book Lost & Found: A Memoir by Kathryn Schulz

Please take a moment to rate and review the show or leave comments on my Substack "I'm Listening."

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the intro and outro music from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Worth Digging Into The Past

Thu, 21 Dec 2023 08:03:33 GMT

In this episode, I talk with Fran Mason who lost her mother when she was 11 years old. It's interesting how different it was for her than it was for me because she was three years younger than I was when my mom died. Hearing Fran talk about going through early adolescence without her mom highlighted the difference it made to have three more years with mine. We talked about memory and how her perspective on her loss kept shifting as she was growing into adulthood. Fran is writing a book about her experience and shares how that process has helped her understand herself better. I appreciated Fran's perspective on her childhood which she developed through her writing and from rereading the journals she kept at the time. Fran's tendency toward practicality and optimism seems to have contributed to her ability to thrive despite having little emotional support while she was growing up.

You can read more about Fran and her writing on her blog and her substack.

To leave comments, please rate and review on Apple podcasts or visit me on my substack: "I'm Listening."

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the intro and outro music from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sometimes We Get Stronger

Thu, 07 Dec 2023 08:07:58 GMT

Vanessa Fierstadt started a counseling practice called Kintsugi Grief Center that's near me in Pasadena, CA. I wanted to find out what drew her to work with people who are grieving and our conversation was wide-ranging and fun. As Vanessa recounted her earliest losses it was clear that her curiosity about grief both helped her heal and find her calling. I loved Vanessa's take on creativity as a way to help support kids in grief, the importance of conversations about death, as well as her focus on ritual as a critical piece of healing. We talked openly about depression too, which is an important, yet often overlooked layer of grief.

You can find Vanessa on Instagram , Facebook , or LinkedIn or on her website Kintsugi Grief Center

To leave comments please rate and review on Apple podcasts or visit me on my substack: "I'm Listening."

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the intro and outro music, from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What Is Grief?

Fri, 24 Nov 2023 08:57:41 GMT

When I started to Interview Peter Rukavina for this episode, I had no idea we were going to be exploring such overarching questions about grief. The story of raising his daughter Olivia after her mother died is extraordinary because of Olivia's intersectionality. Olivia is autistic and came out as trans in the wake of her mother's death, so her experience of grief, and Peter's, were multi-layered and complicated in ways I had never considered previously. Listening to Peter talk about raising Olivia throughout the many years of his wife's illness, I was struck by his clarity and even-handed thinking around grief. He is careful not to make assumptions about Olivia's emotional life and is mindful of the opportunities as well as the challenges that loss and grief have afforded him.

To leave comments please rate and review on Apple podcasts or visit me on my substack: "I'm Listening."

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the intro and outro music, from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

An Eighteen-Year-Old's Perspective on Losing Her Dad

Thu, 09 Nov 2023 08:39:21 GMT

This episode took my breath away. Maddie McFadden lost her father Brad to cancer when she was fourteen and she has been through a lot in the four and a half years since then. From dealing with anxiety and depression, being in charge of her younger sibling, rebelling and fighting with her mom, Maddie learned a ton about growing up and taking responsibility for her choices. She talks about her anger and also her compassion for the adults around her who didn't appreciate all the weight she was carrying on her young shoulders. This conversation was deeply meaningful to me, remembering the challenges of losing a parent at fourteen and appreciating the hard work of forgiving myself and those around me for not understanding what I needed. It was profoundly uplifting to talk to someone growing up through some horrible circumstances because her perspective is so clear-eyed and hopeful. You can hear her hard-won faith in herself throughout our talk.

To leave comments please rate and review on Apple podcasts or visit me on my substack: "I'm Listening."

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the intro and outro music, from her album "We Fall."

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Losing a Sibling at a Young Age

Thu, 26 Oct 2023 07:43:04 GMT

This conversation is extraordinary in many ways. Laura Aviva is the only person I've interviewed so far who has lost a sibling, and her story is not what I expected. Laura was 23 when her brother Michael was killed at age 20. They were not teenagers, and Laura articulates how she feels she was already firmly who she was by the time he died. She talks about how her brother Michael was her "sage" and what he taught her about life and death, even before he died. He was not interested in living like other people. He took risks and chased adventures. Laura's unique attitude about her brother's life and the way he chose to live it is a testament to her love for him. I could tell there was a profound and mutual respect between them and what came through in our conversation was how many possible attitudes there are to take when someone you love dies.

To leave comments please rate and review on Apple podcasts or visit me on my substack: "I'm Listening."

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the intro and outro music, from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Woman Behind Comfort Zone Camp

Thu, 12 Oct 2023 07:24:57 GMT

Lynne Hughes is an exceptional example of someone who has tremendous strength and fortitude despite her traumatic childhood. Lynne lost both parents by age twelve and had to move in with extended family, including an uncle who refused to acknowledge her presence, let alone her grief. For Lynne, summer camp was a place to grow and learn to create lasting bonds with friends and have fun doing it. She loved being a camp counselor and grew up wanting to create a space for grieving kids to discover tools to manage their grief, strengthen their bonds with their deceased family members, and overcome the fears and insecurities that often result from the trauma of early loss. After hearing Lynne talk about all the free programs that Comfort Zone Camp offers, I was convinced that any child who has lost a family member would benefit from them and I signed up to volunteer.

To find out more, visit Comfort Zone Camp's website.

To leave comments please rate and review on Apple podcasts or visit me on my substack: "I'm Listening."

Special thanks to Josephine Wiggs for the intro and outro music, from her album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hope Edelman On the Aftergrief of Early Loss

Thu, 28 Sep 2023 07:26:19 GMT

Hope Edelman is my guest this week and I couldn't be more excited to share our conversation. Hope is the leading expert on historical loss for women who lost their mothers at a young age. She is the New York Times bestselling author of Motherless Daughters and many other books on grief and loss. She now has a thriving business as a grief and loss coach, and writing instructor, who helps women-identified people to reframe their early losses in a way that helps them heal and repair the lost connection to their mothers. Hope brings years of research to her latest book The Aftergrief, which I found so validating and fascinating to read. Her deep knowledge and decades of working with people who suffered an early traumatic loss make her a perfect guest for my show.

You can find Hope on Instagram, Facebook, and on her website, HopeEdelman.com

To leave comments please rate and review on Apple podcasts or visit me on my substack: "I'm Listening."

Intro and outro music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Life Is A Team Sport

Thu, 14 Sep 2023 07:20:23 GMT

Charlotte Maya's memoir Sushi Tuesdays chronicles the many years she navigated her grief and that of her kids and stepkids after her husband Sam died by suicide. Charlotte unexpectedly found love again with a widower whose wife had recently died. So when they married they became a family of six grieving individuals, trying to find love and stability all under one roof. In a way, this was like living in a peer support group, but it also had many challenges. Charlotte talks about how her faith was challenged after Sam died but ultimately she found it helped the whole family find stability and comfort in church. Watching four grieving kids grow up has given Charlotte a wide perspective on the different ways adolescent grief shows up. I was so moved by our conversation and by how she and her husband Tim, like other parents I've interviewed, have done a great job of making space for their kids to grieve openly and honestly.

To learn more visit Charlotte's website

To leave comments please rate and review on Apple podcasts or visit me on my substack: "I'm Listening."

Intro and outro music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why Write About Adolescent Grief?

Thu, 31 Aug 2023 07:21:46 GMT

This week I talk to author, screenwriter, essayist, and producer Emily Ziff Griffin about her latest project, her recent New Yorker essay, and her 2017 novel, all of which have something to do with her father's death from AIDS when she was fourteen. I have written extensively about losing my mother at that age but I don't know too many writers who have chosen to write about this deeply complex subject from personal experience. So it was pure pleasure to delve into that experience with Emily, someone who has written about the positive outcomes and other strengths that the experience of losing her father gave her. We discuss how hard it is to get comfortable talking about grief and how writing about it got Emily to the point of owning the experience in new ways. We also talk about the ways kids can seem fine when they're not, and how that experience informs her parenting.

To learn more visit Emily's website https://emilyziffgriffin.com/

To leave comments please rate and review on Apple podcasts or visit me on my substack: "I'm Listening."

Intro and outro music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why Grief Support Is Crucial for Kids

Thu, 17 Aug 2023 07:33:26 GMT

On this week's episode, I talk to Lauren Schneider, the clinical director of child and adolescent programs at Our House, the only grief support center in Los Angeles, serving the second-largest school district in the country. Lauren has been doing this work for over 20 years and she understands adolescent grief better than anyone. We talked about grief as it relates to child development, therapy versus grief support, and why peer support is the absolute best thing for kids who've lost someone close to them. She also shares insights into how we are only now beginning to see the effects of Covid on kids. I learned a tremendous amount from this conversation and it shifted a few of my ideas about how to best support kids today.

To leave comments please rate and review on Apple podcasts or visit me on my substack: "I'm Listening."

Intro and outro music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

After A Death by Suicide

Thu, 03 Aug 2023 07:32:13 GMT

This week health reporter and author Rachel Zimmerman shares her story of raising two young daughters after her high-achieving husband suddenly died. She had no preparation for how to deal with telling her kids what happened but she instinctively kicked into gear and got the advice she needed. This is an amazing story of strength and love in the aftermath of a death no one saw coming. Meanwhile, her kids are amazing examples of how grief can strengthen relationships and grow into something beautiful. I loved listening to Rachel recount how she prioritized her kids and how that has paid off.

For updates on Rachel's upcoming memoir visit

https://www.rachelzimmerman.net/

To leave comments please rate and review on Apple podcasts or visit me on my substack: "I'm Listening."

Intro and outro music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Losing a Friend

Thu, 20 Jul 2023 07:45:49 GMT

Parents, there's a bit of profanity in this one but it's a great episode. My friend Mark Lightcap was a young punk when his best friend and bandmate was diagnosed with cancer. Listening to Mark share this amazing, often funny story, I was struck that losing a friend is less destabilizing than losing a family member and allows grief to feel more liberating in some ways. Losing his friend made Mark aware of death and respectful of the immediate aftermath as a unique opportunity for spiritual and intellectual growth. It's a great story. And listen all the way to the end if you like early punk as defined by suburban kids in the early 80s.

Here's a clip of Mark playing music during Covid if you're interested: Mark Lightcap performs You've Been Inside by Acetone

If you'd like to comment on the episode, you can do so here: "I'm Listening."

Intro and outro music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall."

Bonus music by Chocolate Crankshaft

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Discovering What's Most Important

Thu, 06 Jul 2023 07:27:13 GMT

"Kids make you better," Heather said, talking about how much she's learned from parenting her kids after their father died. Heather's husband died a year before the pandemic hit, so she was in survival mode, trying to support her family, be there for her kids and deal with all the uncertainty of Covid. Fear was the undercurrent until she eventually realized she needed to slow down and take care of herself in order to be able to support her kids in the best way possible. It's a great conversation about how Heather carved out her own path, relaxed the reigns around her kids, and discovered all the ways our kids make us better people.

If you enjoy the conversation, I'd love to hear your thoughts. You can leave a review on Apple Podcasts or find me on Substack at "I'm Listening."

Music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall."

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A Crash Course in Parenting Grieving Kids

Thu, 22 Jun 2023 07:15:35 GMT

This week I'm talking to Austin Liston who entered parenthood fast when he started dating Chad, his now husband, who already had two kids. Then they decided to have more kids and ended up with four foster children. Austin co-hosts the wonderful podcast Best Wives Club with his best friend, Amanda, who happens to be Chad's ex-wife. We talked about how the loss of their birth parents affects his young kids and how he and Chad try to make space for all the feelings that come with that. For someone who had little experience parenting before he found himself co-parenting six kids, Austin has an amazing attitude and sense of humor that makes talking with him extra fun. I really appreciated his unique perspective on the challenges of parenting kids through changes and transitions, especially when you don't have much control over the circumstances.

Music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall."

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The Many Faces of Adolescent Grief

Thu, 15 Jun 2023 07:16:05 GMT

In this episode I talk to the first of several professionals in the field of childhood and adolescent grief, Jana DeCristafaro from The Dougy Center in Portland, Oregon. Jana is also the host of Grief Out Loud, a great podcast about grief and early loss. The Dougy Center was founded on the idea that grieving teens know how to support each other, in ways that adults might find challenging. Jana explains how this works from the perspective of working directly with adolescents, in their peer-to-peer support groups. "How do we know if a teen is grieving? We know someone in their life died," says Jana. She also talks about how she and her colleagues help adults understand that grief can take many forms and look very different in different kids. She also talks about how parents and community members can gain confidence in their ability to support grieving teens. We talk about grief in the larger culture right now, how that's changing, how it isn't, and how finding the language to talk about it is so important. On that point, Jana mentioned the book "Finding the Words," by Colin Campbell.

Music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall."

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Parenting Grieving Kids While Grieving

Thu, 01 Jun 2023 07:15:46 GMT

This week I talk to Kimberly about how she did her best to navigate her kids' grief, as well as her own, in the wake of her husband's death. Having lost her mother to cancer a few years earlier, Kimberly knew how to deal with medical insurance and doctors, treatments, and surgeries. But as her husband's prognosis worsened, Kimberly and her husband had to do a constant calculus to prepare their kids as much as possible, without overburdening them. It wasn't easy, but she and her kids got through it. After her husband died, Kimberly began the process of becoming a therapist which gives her a great perspective on parenting her kids through multiple losses as they grew into adults.

Music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall."

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Grief Strengthened Their Marriage

Thu, 18 May 2023 07:10:58 GMT

In this episode, I talk to Nancy and Eric, a couple who didn't realize (or don't remember knowing) that they were in the same club when they met. The club of parent loss is one that no one asks to be in but its members often enjoy lasting bonds. For Nancy and Eric, it has resulted in a long marriage that has endured many hardships. Even though every early grief experience is unique, the impression it makes on young people is often similar. Eric, Nancy, and I had fun discussing the contrasts and the parallels between our histories and how they affected our lives and romantic relationships.

Music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall."

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A GenZ Perspective on Grief

Thu, 04 May 2023 16:50:21 GMT

In this episode, I interview my sixteen-year-old son, Skops, who has a lot to say on the subject of grief. He reminded me that I'm doing a show about adolescent grief, so I should have younger guests on, sooner than later. I was intending to save that perspective for later in the season but decided to listen to him. This podcast is all about making adolescent grief more visible by talking about it and listening to all kinds of perspectives on it. Skops had a lot to share about the loss of his older sibling, Keirnan, who died before he was born, and what it was like to be born into a family that was still grieving. He also had a lot to say about media and how social media is helping to open more conversations about grief. I find all of that fascinating and it gives me a lot of hope for his generation.

Music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall."

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The Importance Of Goodbye

Thu, 20 Apr 2023 22:36:33 GMT

My close friend, Vivian (Trimble) Lewine died this month so I am dedicating this episode to her.

This interview with another close friend, Raequel London, was the most meaningful one, for me personally, to date. Raequel lost her mother to breast cancer when Raequel was in her twenties. Because she was older, she had the opportunity to see her mother's death coming and to be with her at the end. This brought up old feelings of regret for me since I didn't have that experience. The result is a very moving and healing conversation for both of us. Raequel also talks about her own experience with breast cancer and how it led her to become certified as a health coach. I can attest to her amazing talent as an intuitive and supportive health coach. Our sessions have improved my mental and emotional health in countless ways.

You can find Raequel at https://www.coachraequel.com/

Music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall."

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A Violent Death Is Different

Thu, 06 Apr 2023 07:15:49 GMT

In this episode I talk with Trilby, a former schoolmate, about the aftermath of her mother's murder in 1980. We go into depth about how she tries to support students, as a teacher, when they are going through something hard. We also talk about what it was like to deal with people's responses to her family's traumatic loss and how she and her siblings managed to support each other as they grew up.

Music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall."

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Overshadowed Grief

Thu, 23 Mar 2023 07:30:57 GMT

In this episode, I talk to Diane, whose father died on Veteran's Day, 1963, eleven days before the assassination of President Kennedy. Diane was born in the aftermath of World War ll so she is from a different generation and grew up in a different culture than I did. She also had to help support her family right away so there wasn't much time for grief. We talk about the difference between our generations and what happens when we have no choice but to put off the grieving process. Diane shares openly about how she coped and how present her grief remains today.

Music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall."

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Punk Rock Refuge

Thu, 09 Mar 2023 13:43:02 GMT

In this episode, my friend and fellow artist Ivette and I go deep into our earliest experiences with shame, grief, and art. For Ivette it was theater, and, for both of us, music, clubs, and dancing. Ivette also talks about the culture of grief in her large, Mexican-American family which was quite different from mine. We also get into shame and how it weighs on kids who have an early grief experience.

Music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall."

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When Grief Catches Up With Us

Thu, 23 Feb 2023 08:15:52 GMT

My older brother Shep talks about how he managed to escape his grief by traveling and becoming a foreign correspondent. But it all came back when he began his new life as a father and faced a personal crisis. We also talk about the responsibility older siblings feel toward younger ones in the wake of losing a parent.

Music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall."

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The Same But Different

Thu, 09 Feb 2023 08:26:12 GMT

As I get my feet wet recording interviews, I decided to start with the people most familiar to me: My siblings! In this episode, I interview my sister Quinn Faison about her experience with adolescent grief and how it has affected her as a friend, a parent, and a parenting coach. Quinn and her wife Sarah have a coaching business called Plan P where they support parents through the challenges of raising responsible, caring, young adults. Although Quinn and I have talked throughout our lives about grief, there were a lot of questions I had never asked her before. If you listened to the first episode, you'll notice that our stories are quite different, even though we agree on a lot of the benefits of adolescent grief.

In this episode, we discuss Hope Edelman's books: "Motherless Daughters" and "After Grief."

Music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall."

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The Backstory (aka My Story)

Thu, 09 Feb 2023 08:16:22 GMT

For the first episode of this podcast, I will lay the groundwork by talking candidly about my most significant losses and how they intertwine. It's a surprising story about how losing my mother at a young age helped me decades later to grieve a child and mother my other children as openly and honestly as I know how.

I also discuss my book, "Dancing with the Midwives: A Memoir of Art and Grief" which is available on Amazon.

Music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall."

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Why We Need to Talk About Adolescent Grief

Sat, 21 Jan 2023 03:41:53 GMT

"Are We There Yet?" is about gaining a better understanding of grief by looking at the consequences of an early loss. It's also about helping kids and their communities better understand the short and long-term consequences of grief. Ann Faison is an artist and grief specialist who has read, researched, and written extensively about grief since losing her mother to cancer when she was fourteen. In this trailer, she discusses why grief still fascinates her and why she interviews other adults who have grown through and thrived from an early loss. There are dozens of podcasts about grief, but not many that look at adolescent grief from an experiential adult perspective. Are We There Yet? is for anyone looking for a different take on grief, or who would like to better support teens and young adults who are suffering a loss.

Music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall."

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