:30 True confidence vs. fake confidence

1:07 Timothy Chalamet & lack of ego at the top

3:08 "Aw, shucks" false humility

4:22 Fake confidence & living from the outside in

6:24 Georgia O’Keefe, the OG subtle art of not giving a fuck

8:00 Getting in your zone of genius

8:52 Devotion

9:23 Why 10,000 hours isn’t enough to be a master

9:56 The magic triumvirate for inner confidence

10:56 Being the gift vs. the prize 

Quotes:

"The confidence that needs to peacock and preen, that needs to announce itself, that is not real confidence. It’s fake confidence. It’s needing to be seen as the prize. True confidence? It just IS. It’s matter of fact.”

"I think there is also a place you can get to internally where you kind of don’t give that much of a fuck anymore whether there’s flattery or criticism of you, because you like who you are more. You like who you’re being so much that that is more important to you than what people think or anything you could get from the outside world." 

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:44 The unexpected viral grandma reel

2:50 Nostalgia & the need to create

5:27 Pushing (digital) papers instead of really making things

8:15 The little red coat: “Specially Fashioned by Helen”

9:34 The magic thread of love (and sewing)

Quotes:

"I think so many of us have gotten away from really creating from our hands, from our hearts, from our core, in our jobs. It’s like we’re spinning a lot of time and a lot of doing, but are we actually creating anything? Are we creating something or putting something out into the world that, ultimately, we’re proud of? A lot of people aren’t. And there’s something sort depressingly inhuman and dissatisfying about that.”

“There's this satisfaction that happens when we take a little piece of ourself—our gifts, our essence, what we love, what we’re good at, what delights us—and we make something from it and put it out into the world. There’s something primal about it, to me. I think there is a human need for that. And I think a lot of people are starving for it.”

You can find more of Jessica’s writing @jessica.ann.wilbert and her vintage creations @frim.fram.frocks on Instagram.

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In Episode 1, Jessica “goes there” (after navigating a depressive episode herself) and talks about how we navigate those periods of life where we might be “north of suicidal but south of ok”— both when they happen to us, and how to better support people in our lives who might be struggling.

2:04 What happened that time I “lost” joy

4:00 The problem with meds

6:00 Hiding when we’re struggling, and the problem with the “just reach out” prescription

8:00 The art of learning to just be in the muck

9:04 Connecting to our reasons to keep going

10:33 Do we really know how to answer “How are you?” And do we know what to do with an honest response?

Quotes:

“It’s still incredibly vulnerable to open up and share or ask for support when you're going through depressive episodes. It’s doubly hard when you’re in the midst of it and under those heavy clouds. It’s hard to let people see you in a dark or weak or messy place. We are so conditioned in this world to just show the glossy, Insta-ready sides of ourselves.”

"I think we would do well to better learn how to let it be more ok to not be ok. To be more open about it. To learn how to better mine for the roots underneath our 'not-ok-ness' and what they might be trying to tell us. And I think we could do a lot better at learning how to support people in our lives when they struggle, of weaving a better fabric of love and support around the people in our lives."

More writings & musings from Jessica @jessica.ann.wilbert on IG and at jessicaannwilbert.com 

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Jessica reflects on the profound wisdoms in the story: creating from flow state, how we remain open to inspiration, feeling the dark feelings as well as nice ones, working in solitude, and trusting your own inner navigation instead of that from outside.

Go support Jamie Beck at @jamiebeck.co on social, or jamiebeck.co to purchase her art. Her NYT best-selling book, An American in Provence, is available at all major retailers.  

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1:50 Being oneself on the internet

5:35 Aligning with like-minded community

7:26 Wishes for 2023

Quote:

"The reason why I want I wanted to start this podcast is because I know that there are other people like me out there, people who simply don’t want to do work and life in the ways we’re told to, or even just people who are doing it the old ways but are dissatisfied and unhappy and feel this sense of dis-ease, and would like something different, are maybe hungry for something different. And for myself, one of my goals in 2023 is more, better aligned, more meaningful community in my life. And maybe opening up my own conversation about this very thing might find some like-minded souls.”

Say hello @jessica.ann.wilbert 

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1:26   Silly

2:52   Lazy

5:17   Alone

6:58   Granny

7:46   Fierce

9:36   Sensitive

12:06 Slow

13:05 Pacing with Nature

Quote:

"At the end of the day, I don’t really care if you’re granny or you're hipster or you like living on a boat or if you want to wear all pink and live in a pink house. What I am advocating for is that you figure out what’s really you, what makes you happy, and you be that, rather than be things because the conditioning told you it would make you good, or nice, or likable, or palatable, or hire-able, or desirable. At the end of the day, it takes a lot of work to figure out who we really and truly are. It takes a lot of untangling not to care so much what others think that you let it dictate how you live. It takes a lot of courage to live or work in ways very different from the status quo.”

Happy Holidays to all!

~Jessica 

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Topic: An analog vs. artificial approach to life

1:30    The analogy of the “magnificent woods”

3:15    Google’s telling questions about the Metaverse

3:56    The trouble with convoluted and overly complex new technologies

6:50    Analog over AI

8:05    A list of analog magic

10:13  Technological advancement + human distraction = loss of power

14:05  Analog medicine

Quotes:

“When someone is touting something that is so convoluted and complex that to simply explain or understand it, such that people with advanced degrees struggle to explain it clearly and people with advanced degrees have to go searching and digging to understand it clearly… then I think we still have some work to do.”

"The thing is, it’s so incredibly simple and yet so incredibly difficult to truly be right here, fully present in the now, in this analog world, that most of us cannot do it."

"I think the more we head down a road that is more artificial, that is disconnected from the present, from the physical moment and physical body and physical experience, without a really conscious examination of why and how and where we’re headed, it just has this trap of being, I think, a real distraction at best, and a dangerous path, at worst.” 

More writings & musings from Jessica @jessica.ann.wilbert

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In episode 12, Jessica ponders the path for women, feminism, and “having it all” of the last 70 or so years—and supposes that we might actually be crippled by and losing out because of our expectations of having the perfect career, relationship, kids, home, social life, etc. 

Listen on for a surprising take on feminism, the mathematical impossibilities of the myth of the modern successful woman, and the radical notion of a successful life of NOT having it all.

Topic: The lie of "having it all" for women

00:30  The feminism disclaimer

2:38   Have we been sold a lie?

4:35   From Stepford to the other extreme 

5:30   The myth of single parenthood

7:07   The masculine work world

8:26   A mathematical impossibility

9:38   “Less & well" instead of “all”

10:50  Intentionally choosing

Quotes:

“Is it possible that we as women have essentially been sold a lie? So what I’m talking about here is this notion that I think we’ve been fed that we are supposed to have and do it all—I’m speaking about having a high-powered career, or at least a successful full-time one, and a family, and be the perfect mom, and have a partner and the perfect relationship, and the perfect social life, and be fit and beautiful and travel and have a house that looks like it walked off the pages of House & Garden."

“My sinking suspicion here is that we progressed from an imbalanced dynamic where women couldn’t pursue what they desired, and didn’t have agency to make decisions, to a place where I feel like we might actually be crippled by our expectation of taking on all of it, or having it all and succeeding at all of it.”

"Could we envision a world where it is just as lauded to choose to devote our attention to one, or two, or three of these major life areas—work, home, partner, children, spiritual growth, and even self—and have that be enough? Could we consider it successful to NOT have it all? Maybe that’s the 'having it all' that I want us to have—to intentionally choose what we prioritize and value in our lives, no matter how it's perceived or what anyone else thinks or how unusual or dichotomous it might be, but to really know our time and energy and attention are precious and finite resources, and resource them mindfully, intentionally, authentically, fully, richly.”

More writings & musings from Jessica @jessica.ann.wilbert 

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And amidst the heavy topic—yes, there is even some Taylor Swift singing and humorous feline interruption. 

Topic: Failure—Career, Financial, Emotional, Relational

00:30 The musical titular guest not on this episode

1:35 Failure: the thing no one wants to talk about

5:20 How most of us are failing in five big areas

8:50 When you can't see your forest of successes for the failure trees

11:52 A little secret to real success

14:33 Normalizing failure, and inviting it in for tea

Quotes:

“A lot of us, I think, don’t even want to admit the failures, and therefore don’t look at the lessons either. Because I think if you bypass one—meaning, really reckoning with our failure and vulnerability, I suspect you also bypass the real lessons and learnings."

"The thing is, we all want to feel successful, right? But there’s a little secret that I’ve learned—what we really want is the inner state of being that accompanies the successes we think we want.”

“It’s important to remember that there are many kinds of success. And there are many kinds of failure, and sometimes what looks like success is failure, and sometimes what looks like failure is a success in its own way. Maybe the person who looks like they’re failing professionally is succeeding massively in ways that the professional badass is totally failing at.”

More writings & musings from Jessica @jessica.ann.wilbert 

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It’s short, it’s sweet, and it lasts just as long as it takes to savor those leftover sweet potatoes. Come join a moment of pure imagination for a different work paradigm.

Quotes:

"I hope for a world where we’re are as attuned to our hearts and bodies as we are to our minds, as attuned to presence as we are to profit. I hope we all get to experience the deep satisfaction where we feel in touch with our essence and our natural gifts, and the flow state that happens when we are working from that… I hope we find a place where work and play and rest are a harmonious trio that dances beautifully together."

"And the cool thing about many of these things is: They are not totally pie in the sky. They are, admittedly, not what most people are experiencing still, but the cool thing for myself is to be able to look out into the world and actually see of examples of people who are indeed working and living and thriving in their work in these new ways.”

More writings & musings from Jessica @jessica.ann.wilbert 

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Topic: The rebellion needed to opt out of old ways of being 

00:57 The rocky road of rebellion

3:07  To play along, or self-abandon?

7:45  The Rebel Dozen

15:25 Brutal truth from George Carlin

Quotes:

"Here’s the rebel conundrum: Do you 'play along' with what you don’t actually believe in, or with what isn’t aligned with your values, in order to 'stay safe' in some way? Or instead of safe, maybe it’s just accepted? Or chosen? Or hired? Which, to me, at its core, is essentially a question of dissociation or self-abandonment. How much of yourself are you willing to suppress or ignore in order to be accepted into something?”

"I’ve learned that this kind of dissociation from true self, or self-abandonment, eventually brings me back around to the same place. It’s like a cul-de-sac. It’s just a detour to come back to the same brutal but essential lessons and growth, that I could face down now, or I could waste a lot time on a lot of cul-de-sacs and eventually end up back at the same place, reckoning with the same things.”

[Referenced:

Arianna Huffington

Peta Kelly

Nicole LePera

George Carlin]

More writings & musings from Jessica @jessica.ann.wilbert 

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Topic: The myth of hustling

1:56 Deriving value from struggle

4:45 Our false currency of worthiness

5:47 An obsession with extremity (and the t-shirt and TV show to match)

9:26 Is major growth only available via extreme experiences?

11:18 A new paradigm that values presence over pushing

Quotes: “If you can succeed basically just shy of burning yourself out, that’s the ideal [in our current work culture]. That’s valuable. We can stand there and say burnout is bad, and we can say it and even think we believe it, but then we essentially turn around and glorify it. Or require it in our work environments.”

"Do we think that major growth is only only available via major extreme experiences? Because I’m going argue that those things are not actually always equatable, or that one doesn’t necessarily always follow the other. It’s like we think in order to have major breakthroughs, or major change, or major accomplishment, or any kind of major value… it’s like we think that we have to majorly push to get it, or have some kind of major extreme experience to get it, or even suffer to get it."

"There is another paradigm where we actually can do less and accomplish more, or maybe we work more efficiently and joyfully and calmly, and that’s how we accomplish more. Where we value presence more than we value pushing. Where we value joy more than we value struggle. Where we measure success, not by suffering, but by how smoothly and even effortlessly we are expressing our gifts in our work and into the world. Where we don’t trade time for money, we trade essence for money."

More writings and musings from Jessica @jessica.ann.wilbert.

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Topic: How feeling like the “misfit” can be both an invitation into self-reflection, and a gift.

00:30 Everyone gets to go to the ball but you

2:50 The upsides of creative misfittery

5:26 Architecting our own separateness

7:17 Separate also means you see more

8:52 An exercise in professional and personal aloneness

10:21 Crumbling foundation, dysfunctional party

Quotes: "On the one hand, I think this [being on the outside] is probably a good thing, in some ways. For all the imagination and unique sensibilities and weirdnesses and unusual talents that I feel like creative misfits bring to the table, I don’t think we would have those gifts if we weren’t in some ways 'out of the norm,' in some way off the beaten path."

"On the other hand, I wonder if we are also sometimes architecting our own separateness. What I mean by this is, do we sometimes also identify—or over-identify—with our separateness? Is the fact that we feel like a misfit and on the outside, are we maybe making that part of our identity?"

“Sometimes I don’t mind being a bit on the outside. It’s an interesting vantage point to life; you see more. You see where things aren’t right, where things don’t make sense, where old systems and structures and ways of doing things aren’t serving. You have a little bit of this quiet eagle eye. There is a sacredness in aloneness, which allows you to experience the deeper parts of yourself without so much of the noise and distractions of the world.”

More writings and musings from Jessica @jessica.ann.wilbert.

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3:20 The Kiddo Edition: The Creative Misfit Child

5:22 The Grown-Up Edition: Things Creative Misfits Do That Other People Don’t Understand

Quotes: "At Halloween, creative misfit children may bypass the boringly expected costumes like ghosts or superheroes and head way out into left field, such as: vintage circus showgirls, goddess of the moon, or Charles Dickens' Ghost of Christmas Past."

"Creative misfits may squint in dismay at typical LinkedIn bio lines and are more likely to list 'Witchy Wordsmith,' 'Purveyor of Pyramid Antiquities,' or 'Nocturnal News Personality' than something nauseating like 'Impact Architect.' "

"The thing is, I think we all feel like a misfit in some way, at some time. It might not be of this creative or quirky variety, but somewhere, at some point, we've all felt we’re on the outside looking in. And I just think that creative misfits understand this feeling.”

More writings and musings from Jessica @jessica.ann.wilbert.

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Topic: How our work culture still measures value by hours and impressive resumes, instead of valuing a life and work built to align with our essence AND with outside success.

1:14 How value still gets tied to time, and the ideal of a life/work symbiotic soup vs. a work self kept in a separate box that you close up at 5pm

6:52 Feeling like a “failure” on paper

9:28 When work is life, life is work, and your essence gets infused into all of it

13:13 The lies you’re telling yourself about work

Quotes: "In this old dinosaur paradigm of working, you have resigned to being someone at work who isn’t truly you, otherwise wouldn’t if feel so good to be you in your work that you wouldn’t want to stop? Wouldn’t your work life feed your life, and your life feed your work? At that point, you stopped counting hours worked per week a long time ago. You stopped caring, and you stopped counting.”

"I do not want to show up to a ‘safe’ or cushy career with my mask of professional competency. I do not want to fake enthusiasm for what I’m doing every day with my life, even a little bit. Every moment of showing up to work and acting like you’re in it, like you’re a professional and you're caring about these spreadsheets and meetings and goals… where you know, deep down if you’re really honest, that your heart and soul and being are not in it, that you dread coming to work, that you can’t wait for your time off, but that you simply don’t know what else to do or how to exit that gilded cage—every moment of that is like a little death. Life becomes something to 'get through,' something where you find all manner of things to numb, uppers, downers, or distractors in order to make it tolerable, where you have to turn off your expectation or hope of joy and aliveness and life force moving through you, and just get used to the slog. This is not a life. This is lying to yourself about work."

More writings and musings from Jessica @jessica.ann.wilbert

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Topic: The diversity in how and where people work best, and the ways our work culture doesn’t accommodate it

1:20 A pandemic upside

2:00 The open office cockroach that won’t die

5:45 The takedown of the 40 hour work week

10:45 Will people slack off if you give them the freedom to work where and how they want?

13:22 Freedom & dignity: the final work frontier

14:23 The ultimate question for a new work paradigm

Quotes: “Once and for all, we need to really be honest about the environments that we’re building that we’re asking people to work in, and acknowledge the fact that there are going to be very diverse ways in which people are going to work best, and we need to build to that.”

“This old paradigm of work assumes that to be “good,” productive workers, we go into an office from 8-5 or 9-5. But what this completely ignores is, some people do really well with highly structured routine and schedule, and some people do better with a more inconsistent, flexible, and go-with-the-flow approach to their time. There is some stigma to unpack with this, because one is actually not better than the other, even though our culture would tell us that that “inconsistent” way is somehow less than.”

"A bigger question here is around the freedom that we give, or perhaps don’t give, people in their work, and the dignity that I think we all actually deserve, which is to assess what works for us, how and where we can work in a way that works for us, and being able to plug our true gifts into our work."

More writings & musings from Jessica @jessica.ann.wilbert

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Topic: What creativity really means, how we can nurture it, and how corporate culture often squashes it

1:41 Lessons from Einstein

3:10 Creativity, rest, and joy

4:44 Lessons from 6th graders

7:35 Why corporate doesn’t play well with creativity

9:30 KPIs vs. creativity

10:53 Lessons from Bob Ross

11:54 A creativity recipe

Quotes: “We have this thing in our culture today where we evaluate merit based on level of overcommitment. But if you really want to access real creativity, you have to build in some unstructured, freer, quieter, alone time or time in nature.”

“Because creativity tends to defy predictability and even measurability—it has this ineffable quality—this old paradigm work culture just doesn’t know what to do with creativity, or it’s actually often squashing it. It’s like corporate wants creativity’s amazing results, but they’re not actually hospitable to its visit. It’s like, 'Think outside the box!' but what they mean is, 'Give me some version of: not the box we have, something better, but not actually that different, not so different that it makes us uncomfortable.' When in actuality, creativity might just burn the whole box down.”

“Creativity has this inherent element that’s ephemeral, it’s not always logical or measurable, it’s not super predictable, it’s very unique to each individual, it’s ever-changing, it even defies definition, and it’s inherently vulnerable and messy… but, creativity is also essential for true growth, whether personal or corporate."

More writings & musings from Jessica @jessica.ann.wilbert

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Topic: Problems with corporate culture

1:03 The nausea of “team building,” sleep-away camp corporate retreats, and other corporate environments dreaded by introverts

6:55 "I can’t see you, your corporate jargon is in the way” -- a little LinkedIn game

9:27 The myth of meetings & productivity

11:38 Echo chambers and the failure to shift culture and achieve diversity from the inside out

Quotes: "Our company cultures and in-person work cultures resemble a modern monstrosity of misguided collaboration. It’s like we dismantled the cubical model in favor of an open-office mosh pit of everyone working together side by side, out in the open. And this doesn’t work for everyone. In fact, maybe 50% of the population this doesn’t work well for.”

"Why have we built environments that are homogeneously tailored, instead of built with the assumption that people are very different, and they work very differently, and they thrive in different environments, and with different schedules?"

"If you can’t say what your company does in a couple of sentences that are so simple that a bright 12-year-old could understand them, I’m not actually certain you know what you’re doing.”

"If you’re constantly sitting around in meetings, talking or listening ABOUT what you’re doing, you’re not actually doing what you’re there to do. Whatever it is that you’re there to build, solve, or create, you can’t actually do it while you’re in meetings.”

More creative writings and musings from Jessica @jessica.ann.wilbert

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Topic: The separation of work self and authentic self & how we’re told being our authentic selves is a professional liability.

Quote: “All the posturing and contorting that a lot of us are doing in order to make ourselves palatable or presentable, or acceptable, or likable, or hirable… I think it has to go. It has to go if we’re going to have a successful life, inside and outside.”

More creative writings and musings from Jessica @jessica.ann.wilbert

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