Key Takeaways

• Corey's journey reflects the importance of reinvention and adaptability.
• Success without fulfillment can lead to personal dissatisfaction.
• Emotional fitness is crucial for mental health and achieving goals.
• Resilience is built through facing and overcoming adversity.
• Effective communication can significantly impact business success.
• Parenting plays a vital role in developing emotional intelligence in children.
• Financial struggles can teach valuable lessons about perseverance.
• Avoiding burnout requires consistent self-care and balance.
• Creating oneself is an ongoing process that requires effort and intention.
• Taking action is essential for measuring progress and achieving results.

Links:

www.unleashsuccess.com/subscribe

www.masteremotionalfitness.com

www.youtube.com/@Corey Corpodian

Instagram: @Corey Corpodian

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Takeaways

• Chris' journey highlights the hidden struggles of boarding school alumni.
• Addiction often stems from unresolved trauma and emotional disconnection.
• Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) can be transformative in healing.
• Men's groups provide essential support and connection for recovery.
• The decision to send children to boarding school requires careful consideration of emotional impacts.
• Healing relational trauma is best achieved in supportive relationships.
• Emotional intelligence is crucial for success in leadership roles.
• Connection and compassion are vital for personal growth and healing.
• Therapy alone may not address deep-seated trauma without body awareness.
• Seen and Heard offers vital support for those affected by boarding school experiences.

Links are here:

• Not for profit supporting the wellbeing of past pupils of boarding and independent day schools and their families – www.seenheard.org.uk
• Not for profit supporting the wellbeing of present pupils of boarding and independent day schools and their families – www.seenheardschools.org.uk
• Chris' Coaching business where he support men and women through 1-2-1 and groups – www.growthwave.uk
• The Compassionate Leader Pathway Course he has launched to help people lead with purpose – perform with clarity and live with integrity. www.compassionateleadersglobal.com through Compassion and Leadership.

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Key Takeaways:

Rick's personal journey and the impact of men's groups on his life. The significance of understanding and healing the mother and father wounds. The evolution of men's groups and the changing landscape of masculinity. The importance of developing a strong relationship with oneself.

Rick Belden: Men's coach, poet, and author with over 35 years of experience in exploring men's issues and recovery from trauma.

Links:

•Master website: https://rickbelden.com

•Coaching website: https://www.rickbeldencoaching.com

•YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/RickBelden

•Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rickbeldenpoet

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Dr. Dorsey's path to psychology and his work with middle-aged men The concept of connection and its four dimensions The impact of socialisation on men's emotional expression Insights from Dr. Dorsey's TEDx talk on emotions The role of music and creativity in personal growth

You can find out more about Adam here:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/adam-dorsay-psyd-cpcc-a582a2

https://www.facebook.com/dradamdorsay

www.dradamdorsay.com

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Highlights:

Maria's journey from a high-powered lawyer to a passionate advocate for women in recovery.

The transformative power of trying new things and embracing change at any age.

Insights into Maria's books, including "50 After 50" and her upcoming "60 After 60."

The importance of surrounding oneself with supportive and inspiring people.

Maria's personal experiences with DNA testing and discovering her biological father.

Learn more:

MariaLeonardOlsen.com and follow her on social media @FiftyAfter50

https://open.spotify.com/show/6uVx6dyp9zG7Pnxwp1pOO9?si=09e99ea5b6cb4126

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/becoming-your-best-version/id1562910379

https://www.ted.com/talks/maria_leonard_olsen_turning_life_s_challenges_into_a_force_for_good

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The impact of early sports and nutrition education on Jackson's health journey.

The role of sexual health in overall wellness.

The dangers of porn consumption and its effects on men's health.

Strategies for maintaining intimacy in long-term relationships.

Jackson's upcoming app launch focused on men's health and wellness.

Guest: Jackson Hightower, CEO and founder of Natural Jackson

Connect with Jackson:

Website: GetNaturalJackson.com Social Media: @GetNaturalJackson

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Now, as an advocate for midlife professionals, Ken offers insights into making the "great escape" from the corporate train and embracing new opportunities.

Key Takeaways:

Ken's career journey in three chapters: corporate life, entrepreneurship, and helping others. The concept of the "corporate train" and how to step off it. The importance of side hustles and how they can lead to fulfilling careers. Networking and building connections in a hybrid work environment. The impact of COVID-19 on career choices and work-life balance.

The Startup Lexicon (Amazon) - https://amzn.eu/d/7R5RrSr

Linkedin Page https://www.linkedin.com/in/kenvalledy/

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Key Takeaways:

The Happiness U-Curve and why happiness is fleeting. Understanding fulfillment as a deeper, more permanent emotion. The five key life pillars for achieving fulfilment. The importance of clarity and purpose in midlife. Bernie’s Big Hairy Audacious Goal to reach 3 billion people with his message.

Guest Information:

Bernie Borges: Creator of the Fulfillment Centric Leadership Framework, host of the Midlife Fulfilled Podcast.

Website: midlifefulfilled.com

LinkedIn and Instagram @BernieBorges

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Key Topics:

The Big Fellas' weight loss stories: Overcoming challenges and maintaining success. The role of mental health in weight management. Exploring different weight loss methods: From diets to surgery. The impact of ultra-processed foods and making healthier choices. Personal anecdotes and reflections on identity and lifestyle changes.

Guest Information:

Mark and Darren, hosts of the Big Fellas podcast, share their experiences and insights on weight loss and healthy living. https://bigfellaspodcast.com/

Call to Action: Let us know your thoughts on this episode and share your own weight loss journey with us!

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Description: Join us in this enlightening episode of "Man Up, Man Down" as we sit down with Chip Conley, a hospitality industry maverick, New York Times bestselling author, and midlife activist. Chip shares his journey from boutique hotelier to becoming Airbnb's modern elder, and the creation of the Modern Elder Academy (MEA), the world's first midlife wisdom school. Discover the unexpected pleasures of aging, the importance of cultivating purpose, and how to navigate midlife transitions with grace and wisdom.

Key Topics:

The concept of the Modern Elder and the creation of MEA

The importance of transition intelligence (TQ) and cultivating purpose

How midlife can be a time of growth and new beginnings

The role of wisdom in the era of AI and digital transformation Chip's personal journey and insights on aging gracefully

Links:

• meawisdom.com
• chipconley.com
• meawisdom.com/wisdom-well

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There is no stopping now, we are back after the summer with some exciting episodes.

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Dr. Rainbow also explores the connection between testosterone levels and mental health, emphasising the need for awareness and understanding in both medical practice and society. In this conversation, Dr. Ed Rainbow discusses the complexities of testosterone testing and interpretation, emphasising the importance of understanding individual hormone levels and the factors that influence them. He explains the daily testosterone cycle in men, the significance of various hormones, and how lifestyle choices such as diet, exercise, and stress management can impact testosterone levels.

The discussion also highlights the variability in what is considered 'normal' testosterone levels and the need for personalised approaches to treatment.

•Dr. Ed Rainbow experienced severe burnout and depression as a GP.

•He transitioned to lifestyle medicine to improve health outcomes.

•Many men face stigma around mental health, impacting their willingness to seek help.

•Testosterone deficiency can lead to mental health issues in men.

•The medical curriculum often overlooks the importance of testosterone in men's health.

•Men often feel pressured to conform to societal expectations of masculinity.

•Support from colleagues can be crucial for healthcare professionals facing mental health challenges.

•The majority of mental health consultations involve women and children, not men.

•Men may resist talking therapies due to societal conditioning.

•Screening questionnaires can help identify men at risk for testosterone deficiency. A small testosterone panel includes total and free testosterone levels.

•Men experience a daily testosterone cycle, peaking in the morning.

•Testosterone is produced in the testicles, regulated by the pituitary gland.

•Hormones like FSH and LH stimulate testosterone production.

•High levels of sex hormone binding globulin can affect testosterone availability.

•Lifestyle factors like exercise and diet can influence testosterone levels.

•Stress can lead to increased cortisol, impacting testosterone production.

•Individual variability means normal levels differ from person to person.

•Symptoms should guide the interpretation of testosterone tests.

•Consultation with a healthcare provider is essential for personalised treatment.

Like to know more?

Join my mailing list like 100s of men for weekly tips:

https://mensmindgp.com/mens-mind-gp-mailing-list-signup/

Want to work with Ed?

Contact me to undertake my Men's Mind Mastery protocol

www.mensmindgp.com/contact-dr-ed-rainbow/

www.mensmindgp.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-edward-rainbow/

Free course Purpose Project - https://mensmindgp.com/the-purpose-project-redefining-midlife-for-men/

ed@mensmindgp.com

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Takeaways

·     Caroline's husband took his life in 2018, leaving her with two young children.

·     She emphasises the importance of open and honest communication about grief.

·     Support from charities like Winston's Wish was crucial for her family.

·     Therapy helped Caroline cope with her PTSD and grief.

·     Suicide is often a complex issue with no clear signs.

·     Caroline created a 'triangle of recovery' focusing on herself, her children, and her community.

·     Her daughter Evie is actively raising awareness about suicide language in schools.

·     Caroline's writing became a therapeutic outlet, leading to her book 'Daddy Blackbird.'

·     She believes in creating safe spaces for men to talk about mental health.

·     Caroline's mission is to improve workplace communication around mental health issues.

For more information: 

Book: https://amzn.eu/d/bXAtx2S

Website: https://daddyblackbird.com

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/caroline-roodhouse-mcipr-a5948622

Bluesky: @daddyblackbird.bsky.social

Substack: https://daddyblackbird.substack.com/

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Main takeaways:

·      Ross has 20 years of experience in business development.

·      He founded AlphaGenix to address men's health issues related to testosterone.

·      Testosterone levels in men have been declining over the years.

·      Awareness of testosterone issues is increasing due to public figures discussing it.

·      Environmental factors contribute to declining testosterone and fertility rates.

·      Maintaining testosterone levels can be achieved through exercise, sleep, and nutrition.

·      Spirituality can enhance leadership by fostering self-understanding.

·      Believing in a higher power can improve physical strength.

·      Quality of food impacts overall health and hormone levels.

·      Men's health discussions are becoming more mainstream and accepted. Realizing you're not the center of the universe is freeing.

·      People often think events are conspiring against them.

·      Understanding others' perspectives can change our narratives.

·      Intuition is often overridden by logical thinking.

·      Listening to our gut feelings can lead to better decisions.

·      Technology can disconnect us from our feelings.

·      We need to reconnect with our emotional intelligence.

·      Societal changes impact our mental and physical well-being.

·      Mindfulness can help us tap into our true feelings.

·      Accountability can be beneficial in personal growth.

Alphagenix (@alpha_genix) • Instagram photos and videos

Ross (@rosstomkins825) | TikTok

Alphagenix (@alpha_genix) | TikTok

Testosterone Replacement Therapy (TRT) specialists in the UK

Ross Tomkins | LinkedIn

About – Ross Tomkins

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takeaways

•John launched My Sales Coach just before his diagnosis.

•He experienced a dramatic decline in health leading to his leukemia diagnosis.

•John's initial reaction to his diagnosis was focused on work, not mortality.

•He recorded a podcast during his hospital stay to process his experience.

•The illness brought his family closer together despite initial anxiety.

•John's perspective on life has shifted to prioritize enjoyment and connection.

•He acknowledges the challenges of managing diabetes alongside his cancer treatment.

•John's experience has made him more empathetic towards others' struggles.

•He emphasises the importance of not stressing over every health choice.

•John plans to improve his health through exercise and better diet.

You can reach John on LinkedIn:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/johnrichardson11/ or find out more about his work on www.mysalescoach.com

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Key takeaways:

•Midlife can be seen as a new beginning rather than an end.

•The traditional retirement age is shifting, and many may work longer than expected.

•Experience and wisdom gained over the years are invaluable assets in the workplace.

•The workplace is becoming more flexible, with a growing acceptance of varied career paths.

•Technology is changing rapidly, and older generations may feel the need to adapt to new tools.

•The concept of midlife is subjective and can be more about mindset than age.

•Many people in midlife are reassessing their career paths and life goals.

•The stigma around being older in the job market is slowly changing, but challenges remain.

•Finding relevance in a younger workplace requires proving one's value and adaptability.

•Open discussions about career struggles can help alleviate feelings of isolation.

You can get in touch with Craig on:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/thisboyiscraig/ or

www.orakly.com

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Main takeaways:

·      Barney quit alcohol after health scares and research.

·      Understanding addiction can help in financial decision-making.

·      Instant gratification often leads to poor financial choices.

·      Financial independence requires a long-term perspective.

·      Personal finance strategies must be tailored to individuals.

·      Avoiding debt is crucial for financial stability.

·      Mindfulness in spending can prevent financial leaks.

·      Societal pressures can influence financial behaviours.

·      Investing wisely is essential for financial growth.

·      Education is key to making informed financial decisions. Childhood experiences shape our money mindsets.

·      Paying off debt should be a priority, but consider interest rates.

·      Investing borrowed money can be more beneficial than paying off low-interest debt.

·      Lifestyle inflation can trap individuals in a cycle of spending.

·      Treating personal finances like a business can lead to better outcomes.

·      Financial independence means work is optional, not mandatory.

·      Pensions are a crucial part of retirement planning and saving.

·      Saving a higher percentage of income accelerates financial independence.

·      Understanding where your money goes is essential for budgeting.

·      Embrace the challenges of financial management as part of the journey.

Find out more here:

·      The Escape Artist on Substack:  https://theescapeartist1.substack.com/

·      The Escape Artist blog: www.theescapeartist.me

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In this conversation, David and Chris explore the impact of stress on mental well-being, the archaic work culture in the UK, and the benefits of a four-day work week. They discuss the challenges of living standards and economic disparities, the importance of education and cultural exposure for children, and the political discontent in the UK. Chris shares his family's decision to relocate to Oman for a better quality of life and education for their children, highlighting the differences in work-life balance and societal values between the UK and Oman.

Key takeaways:

•The motivation for moving was to provide a better life for their children.

•The couple felt they were on a hamster wheel and needed a change.

•The expat community in the Middle East is very supportive and welcoming.

•Cultural misconceptions about the Middle East are prevalent and often inaccurate.

•Living in the Middle East can be very safe and family-friendly.

•The lifestyle in Oman has led to a reduction in alcohol consumption.

•The family has more time together and is more active since the move.

•The education system in the Gulf is highly regarded and beneficial for children.

•Adapting to a new culture can be a positive experience for families.

•The overall quality of life has improved since relocating. Stress can cloud our perception of time and tasks.

•Changing environments can lead to a refreshed perspective.

•The UK work culture is outdated and needs reform.

•A four-day work week can enhance productivity and well-being.

•Cultural celebrations are more recognized in Oman than in the UK.

•Economic disparities exist even among high earners in the UK.

•Education systems vary greatly in resource allocation.

•Children benefit from exposure to diverse cultures and languages.

•Taxation policies impact living standards significantly.

•Relocating can provide better opportunities for families.

More info: https://thedigitalink.co

https://www.linkedin.com/in/chris-minn/

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In this conversation, Lawrence H. Johns discusses the Mankind Project and its mission to support men's personal development through immersive experiences and community connection. He emphasises the importance of creating safe spaces for men to explore vulnerability and connection, while also addressing the challenges of modern masculinity. The discussion highlights the need for men to engage in connection, challenge, contribution, and celebration to thrive in today's world. Lawrence advocates for a redefined model of masculinity that is collaborative and supportive, encouraging men to show up positively in their communities.

Key takeaways:

·     Lawrence's journey illustrates the power of community support.

·     Father figures play a crucial role in shaping masculinity.

·     The struggle between persona and character is common among men.

·     Men often face a constant power play in their lives.

·     Healing the father wound is essential for personal growth.

·     Challenge and danger are integral to a father's role.

·     Success can trigger self-destructive behaviours due to past trauma.

·     The Mankind Project offers a safe space for men's development.

·     Personal development tools should be accessible to all men.

·     Understanding one's past is key to shaping a better future. The Mankind Project aims to keep the adventure of personal development alive.

·     Immersive experiences help men explore their lives and purpose.

·     Connection is essential for overcoming addiction and loneliness.

·     Men often need a reason to gather and connect meaningfully.

·     The four C's—connection, challenge, contribution, celebration—are vital for men's well-being.

·     Modern masculinity is at a crossroads, presenting both challenges and opportunities.

·     Men can choose to be either the poison or the medicine in society.

·     Creating safe spaces allows men to open up and share their vulnerabilities.

·     Celebration and recognition are crucial for men's mental health.

·     A collaborative model of masculinity can benefit everyone in society.

Links:

-    https://www.laurencehjohns.com/

-    https://mankindprojectuki.org/

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They also discuss the role of diet and exercise in boosting testosterone levels, the relationship between testosterone and mental health, and the future of testosterone testing with the help of AI. Luke emphasises the need for regular testing and awareness of testosterone deficiency in men. Commonly known as the Andropause (the male menopause).

Key takeaways:

·      Testosterone is essential for energy levels and mood.

·      Low testosterone can lead to various health issues.

·      Resistance training is effective for boosting testosterone.

·      Many men are unaware of their testosterone levels.

·      Celebrities have increased awareness of testosterone therapy.

·      Testosterone replacement therapy has potential risks.

·      Regular testing is crucial for men's health.

·      Diet and exercise can naturally enhance testosterone levels.

·      Mental health issues may be linked to low testosterone.

·      AI could improve diagnosis and treatment of testosterone deficiency.

If you are interested in getting in touch with Luke or find out more about what Numan does, go to www.numan.com or contact Luke on LinkedIn.

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Tim emphasises the importance of understanding and processing trauma, and how his approach, termed 'human software engineering', empowers clients to heal themselves by tuning into their own emotional intelligence.

In this conversation, Tim Neale discusses the importance of creating safe spaces for clients to heal and process their emotions. He shares insights on the diversity of clients he works with, the common challenges they face, and the transformative power of connection in healing. Tim emphasises the role of the nervous system in anxiety and fear responses, particularly in public speaking situations. He also highlights the significance of holistic approaches in coaching, integrating emotional health with physical well-being. The conversation concludes with practical advice for those struggling with anxiety, encouraging them to seek ways to process their feelings and experiences.

Key takeaways

•Tim Neale suffered from anxiety, depression, and PTSD for over 30 years.

•He discovered emotional healing that transformed his life.

•Tim's journey led him to become a trauma coach.

•He emphasises the importance of processing trauma and emotions.

•Tim developed the Trinity Coherence Healing System with his business partner.

•He believes in empowering clients to heal themselves.

•Tim's approach is based on understanding the body's signals.

•He experienced a significant shift after a transformative workshop.

•Tim's work focuses on helping clients with overwhelmed nervous systems.

•He advocates for a deeper understanding of emotional intelligence. Creating a safe space is crucial for healing.

•Clients come from diverse backgrounds and experiences.

•The nervous system's overwhelm manifests in various symptoms.

•Healing often involves addressing underlying trauma.

•Public speaking anxiety can be transformed through connection.

•Holistic approaches enhance emotional and physical well-being.

•Self-acceptance is key to personal growth.

•Emotional health is a significant component of overall health.

•Processing emotions is essential for overcoming anxiety.

•Everyone has the tools within them to heal.

You can find out more here: https://trinitycoherence.co.uk/

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He discusses the impact of his experiences on his mental health, including overcoming OCD and other challenges. Kenny emphasises the importance of presence in healing and the transformative power of men's groups he facilitates. His insights into personal responsibility, emotional healing, and the significance of community support resonate throughout the discussion.

In this conversation, Kenny Mammarella-D'Cruz discusses the dynamics of men's groups, emphasising the importance of accessibility to mental health support, the need for community, and the journey towards understanding masculinity. He highlights the challenges men face in expressing vulnerability and the role of spirituality in personal growth. The discussion also touches on the significance of mentorship and the inner work required to achieve authenticity and alignment in life.

Key takeaways:

• Kenny's work with Mother Teresa profoundly shaped his perspective on life.

• He learned the importance of being present and responsive rather than reactive.

• Kenny's journey involved overcoming significant mental health challenges, including OCD.

• The men's groups he facilitates provide a safe space for emotional expression.

• Kenny emphasises that healing is about meeting people where they are.

• His experiences as a refugee instilled a sense of responsibility from a young age.

• Kenny believes in the power of community support for mental health.

• He learned to embrace vulnerability as a strength.

• Kenny's approach to therapy is rooted in personal experience and empathy.

• The structure of men's groups encourages open dialogue and connection. Group sessions are held daily to accommodate different schedules.

• Men's groups provide a safe space for vulnerability and sharing experiences.

• Accessibility to mental health support is a significant issue for many men.

• Flexibility in scheduling is crucial for participation in support groups.

• The importance of community and mentorship in men's lives is emphasised.

• Spirituality plays a key role in personal growth and understanding oneself.

• Acceptance of one's situation is the first step towards change.

• Many men feel isolated and lack meaningful friendships.

• Inner work is essential for achieving authenticity and alignment.

• The protector within men often hinders their ability to live fully.

Find out more here: https://www.themanwhisperer.co.uk/

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Dominic shares his personal journey with the charity, the role of facilitators, and the significance of humour in their sessions. The conversation highlights the need for accessible mental health support and the ongoing efforts to expand the reach of AndysManClub across the UK. In this conversation, Dom discusses the importance of emotional expression and the role of support groups in helping men navigate their mental health challenges. He emphasises the need for safe spaces where men can be themselves without the pressure of societal expectations.

The discussion also touches on the stigma surrounding mental health, the pressures of masculinity, and the significance of community support. Dom shares personal experiences and insights on how these groups can transform lives by providing a platform for men to share their struggles and find solidarity.

Key takeaways

•AndysManClub aims to reduce stigma around men's mental health.

•The charity has grown from 10 clubs to over 230 in five years.

•Creating a safe space is crucial for men to open up.

•The pandemic had varied impacts on individuals' mental health.

•Facilitators are peers, not trained therapists, providing support.

•The club's goal is to have a location within 30 minutes of every man.

•Humour plays an important role in the support sessions.

•Participants can choose to talk or just listen without pressure.

•The format includes five questions to guide discussions.

•Confidentiality is a key principle in all sessions. It's about trying to get those guys out the door in the best possible state.

•Having a safe space allows men to take off their masks and be themselves.

•Feeling heard is a powerful aspect of emotional healing.

•The demand for mental health support among men is significant and growing.

•Breaking the stigma around mental health is a continuous fight.

•Men often feel the pressure to be the provider, which can lead to emotional bottling.

•Support groups provide a unique environment for men to share their experiences without judgment.

•Identity and self-perception can shift dramatically during life transitions.

•Therapy can be inaccessible, highlighting the need for community support.

•Knowing you're not alone in your struggles is crucial for emotional well-being.

Find out more and your local club on https://andysmanclub.co.uk/

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Key takeaways:

• Mauro Stara specialises in coaching CEOs and business owners.
• He emphasises the importance of hormonal health in peak performance.
• Personalised coaching is key to achieving sustainable transformations.
• Blood work is essential for understanding individual health needs.
• Aging affects hormones and metabolism, requiring new fitness approaches.
• Resistance training is crucial for maintaining muscle mass as we age.
• Diet quality and macronutrient balance are vital for energy and recovery.
• Identifying as a 'snacker' can hinder dietary changes.
•  Managing blood sugar levels can reduce the urge to snack.
• Lifestyle changes should be gradual and tailored to individual needs.
• Eating a balanced meal keeps sugar levels stable
• Weight loss medications can help but require lifestyle changes.
• Sugar consumption should be mindful and informed.
• Muscle mass affects sugar tolerance.
• Mindfulness can help break unhealthy eating habits.
• Understanding food labels is essential for health.
• Behaviour change is key to sustainable weight loss.

Links to get in touch with Mauro:

Website: https://6packceo.com/

Special Audience Giveaway:  

• Free PDF Download: 4 Micronutrients That Boost Testosterone Levels Naturally - 6packceo.com/gift 

Social Media Links:         

• Facebook -https://www.facebook.com/mauro.stara.944/
• Instagram -https://www.instagram.com/maurostaraofficial/
• LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/mauro-stara-4b4295217/

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In this conversation, Jack Woodhams discusses the importance of open conversations about mental health, particularly among men. He emphasises the need for accessible mental health support and the unique approach of Menfulness, a charity that creates comfortable spaces for men to engage in discussions about their mental well-being.

The conversation explores the different ways men communicate, the impact of Menfulness on participants, and the challenges of funding and growth for such initiatives. Ultimately, the discussion highlights the importance of normalising vulnerability and connection in mental health conversations.

Key takeaways:

•Jack Woodhams emphasises the need for male companionship and honesty in parenting.

•The Yorkie Dads initiative was born out of a need for male support groups.

•Mindfulness has grown alongside community events to foster connections among men.

•Loneliness is a significant issue for men, impacting mental health and suicide rates.

•Creating a safe space for men to express vulnerability is crucial.

•Simple tools can facilitate deeper conversations among men.

•Community support plays a vital role in suicide prevention efforts.

•Direct communication about mental health can save lives.

•Normalising discussions about counselling helps reduce stigma.

•Fundraising efforts are driven by those who have benefited from counselling services. Counselling is a preventative measure for mental health.

•Menfulness aims to create fun and engaging support activities.

•Comfortable spaces encourage open conversations among men.

•Men often prefer to communicate shoulder to shoulder rather than face to face.

•The impact of Menfulness is evident in participants' mental health improvements.

•Funding and capacity are challenges for expanding Menfulness.

•Normalising vulnerability can help break down barriers in communication.

•Most people are inherently kind and willing to help.

•Barriers to accessing mental health support still exist.

•Creating community and connection is vital for mental well-being.

You can find out more on www.menfulness.org

One more Day video

https://youtu.be/BJetTUVyl_U?si=o5croubRhYu3aYvH

Menfulness

https://youtu.be/X5T858tE4bU?si=MW0EsjkkJlPa7qe_

Our research

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/152CFgefFq/

Men Talking Revolution

https://youtu.be/5E_AQkbg5NE?si=zE85eAjvWGJF01tU

Menfulness Meets

https://youtu.be/rsgc2APvZUU?si=4pZKPqYpb855f-xI

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Key takeaways

•Ben has over 20 years of experience in Buddhism.

•He emphasizes the importance of finding a teacher.

•Meditation is often a way to manage stress and anxiety.

•Mindfulness can lead to personal and professional transformation.

•The journey into Buddhism can be gradual and unfolding.

•Ben practices silent meditation retreats annually.

•The relationship between teacher and student is crucial.

•Meditation can be a powerful tool for self-discovery.

•Mindfulness practices can vary and still be effective.

•Ben's journey reflects a blend of business and spirituality. The podcast serves as a boot camp for personal growth.

•Initiation is crucial for transitioning from boyhood to manhood.

•Many men lack the confidence due to missing initiation ceremonies.

•Midlife is a time for unlearning and rediscovering oneself.

•Cyclical thinking can provide a new perspective on life.

•Life challenges often prompt reflection and change.

•Creating intentional experiences can aid in personal development.

•Unlearning societal expectations is essential for self-discovery.

•Comfort with discomfort is necessary for growth.

•The concept of death can be re-evaluated in a cyclical context.

You can find out more here: https://www.tenpercentbetter.co/

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Alex emphasises that it's okay to not be okay and that everyone is enough just as they are. In this conversation, Alex Clapp shares his journey through addiction and recovery, emphasising the importance of vulnerability, openness, and community support. He discusses the challenges of navigating social situations without alcohol, the mental battles faced in recovery, and the significance of creating a supportive environment for those in recovery. Alex also highlights the value of alcohol-free alternatives and the need for personal choice in the recovery process.

Key takeaways

•Alex Clapp's journey highlights the importance of choices in life.

•Mental health struggles can lead to addiction if not addressed.

•Alcohol can numb pain but ultimately leads to dependency.

•Recovery is a personal journey that requires individual commitment.

•Cultural norms around masculinity can hinder emotional expression.

•Vulnerability can foster authentic connections with others.

•Generational changes are shifting attitudes towards mental health.

•It's crucial to seek help and not face struggles alone.

•Creating safe spaces for recovery can empower individuals.

•Self-acceptance is key to overcoming personal challenges. If everyone could spend 28 days working on themselves, the world would be better.

•Addiction is an illness and doesn't discriminate.

•Being open about struggles can create a safe space for others.

•Accountability to others can aid in recovery.

•Navigating social situations requires honesty about recovery.

•Mental battles in addiction are complex and ongoing.

•Alcohol-free alternatives can be enjoyable and fulfilling.

•Creating a supportive community is essential for recovery.

•Vulnerability can lead to deeper connections with others.

•Recovery is a personal journey that requires individual choices.

Find out more on https://www.clariteegroup.co.uk/about

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The conversation highlights the need for redefining masculinity, creating safe spaces for discussions, and the connection between physical and mental health. Anita shares insights from recent research and practical steps to improve mental wellbeing, emphasizing a holistic approach to mental health.

Key takeaways

• Cultural norms of masculinity can lead to emotional suppression.

• Men often feel pressured to conceal their emotions.

• Loneliness and isolation are significant issues for men.

• Peer support can facilitate open conversations about mental health.

• Redefining masculinity is essential for improving mental health outcomes.

• Physical health and mental health are interconnected.

• Creating safe spaces encourages men to share their feelings.

• Men often downplay their emotional struggles when seeking help.

• Holistic approaches to mental health include diet, exercise, and emotional support.

• Engaging in activities can help men connect and communicate better.

You can find out more and get in touch with Anita via: https://blossomtraining.org/

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Ryan Parke discusses the critical factors affecting testosterone levels in men, emphasising the importance of diet, exercise, vitamin D, and sobriety. He shares personal experiences and scientific insights, highlighting how lifestyle changes can significantly improve testosterone levels and overall well-being. The discussion also touches on the stigma surrounding testosterone and its role in men's health, advocating for a holistic approach to well-being that includes physical health, mental health, and lifestyle choices.

Main takeaways:

·     Men's mental health is often overlooked, leading to tragic outcomes.

·     Testosterone plays a crucial role in men's health and well-being.

·     Lifestyle factors significantly impact testosterone levels.

·     Sleep and diet are critical for maintaining healthy testosterone levels.

·     There is a stigma around discussing testosterone and men's health.

·     Men should be proactive in understanding their testosterone levels.

·     Low testosterone is linked to higher rates of depression and suicide in men.

·     Education on testosterone is lacking among healthcare professionals.

·     Simple lifestyle changes can improve testosterone levels.

·     Awareness of mental health issues in men is essential for prevention. Diet significantly impacts testosterone levels.

·     Exercise can be more effective than antidepressants for mental health.

·     Vitamin D is essential for testosterone production.

·     Alcohol consumption can drastically lower testosterone levels.

·     Lifestyle changes can lead to significant health improvements.

·     Processed fats are detrimental to health.

·     Natural fats are beneficial for hormone production.

·     Testosterone is a key marker for overall well-being.

·     Regular health checks are important for maintaining testosterone levels.

·     Holistic health approaches are crucial for men's well-being.

Ryan’s website: TheMensCoach.co.uk

Follow Ryan: @RyanParkeTMC

Zoom with Ryan: TheMensCoach.co.uk/collaboration

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The conversation also touches on the dynamics of working with a partner and the reflections brought on by the COVID pandemic. In this conversation, James Davis discusses the complexities of balancing business and personal relationships, the evolution of values in partnerships, and the importance of community and social connections as we navigate life transitions.

The dialogue also touches on the changing dynamics of work and how these shifts impact our sense of belonging and emotional health, particularly for men. The speakers emphasise the need for vulnerability and maintaining social networks to enhance well-being as we age.

Key takeaways:

•James Davis is a coaching psychologist and co-founder of The Midlife Mentors.

•Testosterone levels in men are declining, impacting health and well-being.

•Lifestyle changes can naturally boost testosterone levels.

•Andropause is the male equivalent of menopause, marked by declining testosterone.

•Midlife can be a time of transformation rather than crisis.

•COVID has accelerated reflections on personal values and life choices.

•It's important to understand the hormonal changes that occur in midlife.

•The dynamics of working with a partner can be challenging but rewarding.

•Men and women often seek coaching from different mentors based on gender.

•Values change over time, and it's crucial to reassess them in midlife. It's crucial to separate work and personal life to maintain a healthy relationship.

•Evolving values can significantly impact how couples work together.

•Recognising the dynamics in relationships helps in fostering collaboration.

•Isolation is a major risk factor for mortality, especially in men.

•Men often struggle to maintain deep social connections compared to women.

•Vulnerability should be seen as a strength, not a weakness.

•Community and shared experiences contribute to longevity and happiness.

•The shift from traditional work environments affects community dynamics.

•Maintaining social networks is vital for emotional health as we age.

•Future generations will face different challenges and opportunities than we did.

Find out more on https://themidlifementors.com/

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In this conversation, Neil Smith discusses the benefits of meditation and breath-work, as well as his experiences with ayahuasca. He explains how meditation and breath-work can help reduce stress and improve mental well-being. Neil also shares his personal journey with ADHD and how meditation helped him. He emphasises the importance of finding the right environment and trained professionals when considering ayahuasca.

Neil introduces his app, Mettle, which offers guided meditations and breath-work exercises for men.

Key takeaways:

•Neil Smith left his successful career as a TV executive to start Mettle, a mental fitness app focused on men's mental health.

•The app offers tools such as meditation, breath-work, and hypnosis to help men improve their mental well-being.

•Mettle aims to break down the barriers that prevent men from seeking help by providing a toolkit that is accessible, science-based, and straight-talking.

•The app is subscription-based and costs about £50 per year, making it affordable and encouraging users to invest in their mental fitness. Meditation and breathwork can be effective tools for reducing stress and improving mental well-being.

•Ayahuasca, a powerful hallucinogen, can be used as a tool for exploring the subconscious and healing trauma, but it should be approached with caution and in a safe environment.

•Finding the right environment and trained professionals is crucial when considering ayahuasca.

•Mettle app offers guided meditations and breath-work exercises specifically designed for men.

Find out more at https://bemettle.com/ or download the app from the app store.

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Key takeaways:

•William Porter's mission is to educate about alcohol's effects.

•Socializing can be enjoyable without alcohol.

•Alcohol is a depressant that affects mental health.

•Understanding addiction is key to making informed choices.

•Cultural attitudes towards alcohol are changing.

•Alcohol consumption can lead to a cycle of dependency.

•The importance of REM sleep for mental health is crucial.

•Alcohol-free options are becoming more popular in society.

•The subconscious links alcohol consumption with socializing.

•Education about alcohol can lead to healthier choices.

You can go to William’s website, www.alcoholexplained.com, where you can read some of the chapters of his book for free.

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Wilson's approach to sleep is both practical and evidence-based. He critiques the wellness industry's tendency to oversimplify or exaggerate solutions, particularly in marketing products that claim to solve sleep problems universally. For example, he discusses the overemphasis on blue light from screens as a sleep disruptor, noting that recent research suggests this impact may be overstated, especially if individuals receive adequate daylight exposure.

Wilson also addresses the common issue of pets disrupting sleep. He notes that while many people allowed pets into their bedrooms during the lockdown, this can lead to significant sleep disturbances. He is now collaborating with a "sleep vet" to develop solutions for this problem, emphasizing that a human bed is not designed for animals and that both humans and pets would benefit from sleeping separately.

Another key topic Wilson explores is the role of genetics in sleep. He explains that many sleep characteristics, such as whether someone is a "morning person" or a "night owl," are inherited. He also points out that sleep disorders and the general quality of sleep can often be traced through family lines.

Wilson's holistic approach to improving sleep involves understanding an individual's unique needs and circumstances rather than relying on one-size-fits-all solutions. He advises listeners to be sceptical of broad claims made by the sleep and wellness industries and to seek solutions that are tailored to their specific sleep challenges. His app, KipMate, is designed to help users identify their sleep problems and find personalized solutions.

In conclusion, Wilson advocates for a more nuanced and personalised approach to sleep, warning against the oversimplified solutions often marketed by the wellness industry. He encourages people to explore their sleep habits and needs comprehensively, considering factors like environment, genetics, and lifestyle.

https://thesleepgeek.co.uk/

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Ferguson’s journey into this field is rooted in personal experiences. Despite a stable 25-year civil service career, he faced numerous traumatic events during the pandemic, including a friend's brain injury, personal health scares, and encounters with the police. These experiences, compounded by dissatisfaction in his civil service role, led him to focus on creating something meaningful. The IMA programme was his response, providing a structured way to help men regain confidence, manage stress, and improve their overall well-being

The programme blends physical training with insights into brain health and neurology, recognising the importance of mental well-being alongside physical fitness. Ferguson highlights the psychological benefits of martial arts, noting that learning these skills boosts confidence and can help men feel more capable in potentially threatening situations, even if the goal isn’t combat.

Initially, Ferguson shared his techniques with colleagues through basic videos and verbal instructions, which evolved into a more structured programme. His approach is holistic, catering to a wide range of participants—from those with no prior experience to seasoned athletes. The IMA method includes one-on-one sessions and group interactions, allowing men to share common challenges and learn from each other in a supportive environment.

Ferguson emphasises the importance of preventative care, particularly regarding men’s health, and has integrated brain health education into his programme. He believes that understanding the neurological aspects of health can significantly impact long-term success in maintaining well-being.

The episode concluded with Ferguson offering resources and support through his website, encouraging listeners to take proactive steps in improving their physical and mental health.

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A leading mental health organisation and platform which Lee co-founded, focuses on providing mental health support in the workplace. Their platform uses technology to connect employees with therapists, counsellors, and coaches, offering immediate, anonymous support for various issues, from anxiety and stress to career development. This approach aims to remove traditional barriers to mental health support, such as long waiting times for therapy.

The conversation also touches on the broader societal challenges of mental health, particularly how digital technology influences young people. Lee discusses the balance parents must strike in managing their children's exposure to technology while encouraging outdoor activities and face-to-face interactions. He notes the significant differences he observes in his daughters' behaviours when they disconnect from digital devices and engage in physical play.

Moreover, the discussion explores the role of technology in suicide prevention, highlighting Ripple Suicide Prevention's innovative approach. Ripple uses simple yet effective technology to intercept harmful online searches, offering users an opportunity to redirect from harmful content towards hopeful resources. This intervention provides a moment of calm and a chance to reconsider harmful actions, demonstrating how technology can be leveraged positively in mental health.

The episode underscores the importance of awareness, open communication, and proactive support in mental health. Lee emphasises that while there is more recognition of mental health issues today, driven partly by the overwhelming flow of information in the digital age, challenges remain in ensuring that people receive the help they need promptly and effectively.

Lee’s message is clear: while technology has its pitfalls, it also holds tremendous potential to support mental health, provided it is used thoughtfully and with a human-centric approach.

https://emplomind.co.uk/

https://www.ripplesuicideprevention.com/

https://www.papyrus-uk.org/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lee-godwin-4553a819/

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Marc Convey and Rose Rowkins joined David Pawsey and Volker Ballueder on Stage to discuss 'Overcoming Adversity' and 'Suicide Prevention'.

You find a video recording on YouTube.

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Ryan shares his personal story, highlighting a dark period in his life when he suffered from anxiety, bulimia, and depression, which eventually led him to contemplate suicide. He credits his mother for saving his life and describes how he gradually opened up about his struggles, which eventually led to his career in mental health and wellbeing.

The discussion then shifts to Ryan’s work at Jaaq, a mental health platform that provides accessible, clinically validated content in a user-friendly format. The platform features stories from well-known figures and experts, aiming to engage users and provide them with the right information at the right time.

Ryan emphasises that wellbeing is about small, consistent actions, rather than big, overwhelming changes.

Ryan also talks about his book, "52 Weeks of Wellbeing," which offers readers practical tips and questions to help them navigate their own wellbeing journey. He notes that while the book was initially intended to be light-hearted, it evolved into a deeply researched guide, now being translated into multiple languages.

The conversation touches on the challenges of promoting mental health in different industries, particularly in traditionally macho environments like construction. Ryan highlights the importance of meeting people where they are and using language that resonates with them.

As the discussion progresses, Ryan mentions the challenges Jaaq faces, particularly in prioritising their efforts as the platform grows. He stresses the importance of focusing on impactful initiatives and maintaining a balance between ambition and execution.

The episode concludes with Ryan reflecting on the progress made in mental health conversations, noting that while it has become easier to talk about past struggles, there is still a reluctance to discuss ongoing issues.

He advocates for creating environments where people feel safe to talk about their current mental state and stresses the need for businesses to recognise the value of investing in employee wellbeing.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ryanhopkinsuk/

https://www.theryanhopkins.com/

https://www.jaaq.org

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Sal begins by explaining his work with clients, focusing on the inner game—how individuals think, feel, and act. He shares his personal journey, being a midlife man himself at 52, and how he transitioned from a stressed career in photography to becoming a coach and yoga teacher. This shift was driven by his desire to manage stress better and embody a healthier lifestyle.

Sal emphasises the importance of mindset in making long-term, sustainable changes, particularly as one ages.

David shares his recent experience of recovering from a severe leg injury, expressing frustration with how it has impacted his ability to stay active—a key part of his identity. Sal offers advice on how to cope with such setbacks, highlighting the importance of acceptance and self-compassion. He suggests focusing on what one can do rather than dwelling on limitations and emphasises the need for a long-term commitment to health and fitness, rather than expecting quick fixes.

The conversation touches on the concept of self-compassion, with Sal defining it as an active state of being kind to oneself, especially during difficult times. He contrasts this with negative self-talk, which often stems from a critical inner voice that can be traced back to early life experiences. Sal shares how he has worked on quieting his own inner critic, which he refers to as the "dictator," and how understanding its origins can help in managing it.

Volker and Sal also discuss the pressures of modern life, including the constant stimulation from digital devices and the importance of creating intentional space for boredom and reflection. Sal advocates for environment design—consciously shaping one’s surroundings to reduce distractions and foster well-being.

The episode concludes with Sal encouraging listeners to adopt a mindset of incremental change and intentionality in their lives, whether in fitness, business, or personal growth. He emphasises that understanding what you truly want and making conscious choices towards those goals is key to living a fulfilling life.

Sal also invites listeners to connect with him for coaching, particularly those in midlife seeking to navigate challenges and find greater purpose and balance.

You can find him on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/saljefferies/ or find out more via his website: https://linktr.ee/saljefferies where you can discover his podcast, YT channel and more.

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Katrina shares how she began addressing her trauma at the age of 40 after a lifetime of insecurity, defensiveness, and fear. Despite her professional success, she had unresolved emotional wounds from her upbringing, primarily stemming from her relationship with her narcissistic mother.

Katrina describes how her healing journey started when she sought career advice from a coach, Michelle Zellie, who helped her uncover and address her childhood trauma. She highlights the importance of inner child work in her healing process, emphasising that many therapists overlook this crucial aspect. Through this work, she learned to connect with and heal her inner child, which helped her overcome deep-seated self-hatred and move towards self-love.

She also discusses the generational nature of trauma, explaining how her mother's behaviour was influenced by her own traumatic experiences. Katrina describes the complex relationship dynamics within her family, where manipulation and control were prevalent, and how these dynamics affected her and her siblings differently.

Katrina's memoir aims to encourage others to seek help and explore different therapeutic approaches rather than just coping with life. She expresses frustration with the misdiagnosis and mislabelling of conditions like complex PTSD and emphasises that healing is possible. Katrina advocates for breaking the cycle of trauma by addressing it head-on, which she believes can prevent it from being passed down to future generations.

The conversation also touches on the challenges of severing ties with toxic family members for the sake of mental health and the importance of self-care. Katrina's story is one of resilience and the transformative power of therapy and self-discovery.

You can find out more about Katrina on her website: https://katrinacollier.com/

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Alex shares that the turning point in overcoming his mental health struggles was adopting a simple mantra: asking himself how he could help others or make them smile. This thought process allowed him to shift his focus away from negative thoughts and be present in the moment, especially with his family. The "Kind Mind Method" is based on kindness, simplicity, and choice, emphasising the power of positive thinking and the benefits of doing good deeds for others and oneself.

Despite initially doing this project for his well-being, Alex found that it not only helped him cope with his internal battles but also positively impacted those around him. The method is about changing one's internal dialogue to focus on positive engagement with the world rather than performing acts of kindness for recognition or a sense of duty. Alex's story highlights the profound effect that a change in mindset can have on personal happiness and the well-being of others.

You can find out more about him on LinkedIn.

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Ian describes living with cancer as a rollercoaster journey, highlighting the challenge of maintaining a positive outlook while acknowledging the reality of his condition. He emphasises the importance of mindset, noting that he feels physically fine despite having cancer.

The conversation touches on the prevalence of prostate cancer, with over 52,000 men diagnosed annually in the UK. Ian stresses the importance of regular PSA (Prostate-Specific Antigen) blood tests for men in their 40s and 50s, as early detection is crucial. He mentions that his diagnosis came from routine PSA tests, despite having no symptoms.

Ian's openness about his diagnosis has encouraged many in his network to get tested, highlighting the importance of raising awareness and breaking the taboo around men's health issues. The discussion also covers the digital rectal examination (DRE) and biopsy as part of the diagnostic process.

Regarding treatment, Ian opted for a radical prostatectomy, which involved the complete removal of his prostate. He notes that while this has led to some changes in urinary function, it hasn't significantly impacted his quality of life. However, he now faces the prospect of radiotherapy to address the remaining cancer cells.

A significant challenge Ian currently faces is the uncertainty surrounding his condition and future treatment. This uncertainty weighs heavily on him, despite his efforts to maintain a positive outlook. He reflects on how the themes from his book "365 Ways to Have a Good Day" have become even more relevant in his current situation, emphasising the importance of finding joy in everyday moments and maintaining a positive mindset.

Ian's experience underscores the importance of regular health check-ups, particularly for middle-aged men. It also highlights the psychological impact of living with cancer, even when there are no physical symptoms. His story serves as a reminder of the value of open discussions about men's health issues and the power of a positive mindset in facing health challenges.

The podcast episode provides valuable insights into the realities of living with prostate cancer, offering both practical advice on early detection and emotional support for those facing similar diagnoses. It emphasises the importance of regular PSA tests, breaking the silence around men's health issues, and the power of maintaining a positive outlook in the face of uncertainty.

Links to Ian's book: https://www.iansanders.com/365

You can find Ian on Instagram at @iansanders and www.iansanders.com.

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Rose, who has over 20 years of experience in mental health and suicide prevention, emphasises that conversations about suicide, while often perceived as difficult, can be lifesaving when approached with courage and compassion.

She explains that by recognising warning signs—such as changes in behaviour, mood swings, and expressions of hopelessness—individuals can intervene before a crisis escalates.

Rose introduces her "START" method; a toolkit designed to help people navigate these conversations.

It stands for:

·     Spot the signs

·     Trust your gut

·     Ask directly about suicide

·     Really listen

·     Tell others together, reinforcing the importance of collaborative support.

Rose stresses the need for direct, compassionate questions when someone is at risk, highlighting that while asking about suicide can be tough, it’s essential for opening a dialogue that might save a life.

The conversation also touches on the impact of testosterone levels on men’s mental health, with Rose noting the connection between low testosterone and increased suicide risk. This underscores the importance of addressing physical and mental health together.

The episode reflects on the cultural challenges, particularly among men, in discussing emotions and vulnerabilities. Rose and the hosts agree that while traditional male conversations often avoid emotional depth, breaking this mould is crucial. They advocate for fostering meaningful connections and community support, which are vital for mental well-being.

Throughout the discussion, Rose provides actionable insights, encouraging listeners to be proactive in supporting friends or loved ones who may be struggling. The episode concludes with a reminder of the importance of being present, compassionate, and unafraid to ask the tough questions, emphasising that everyone has a role in preventing suicide.

Rose Rowkins is on a mission to help people overcome their fears and find the words to talk about suicide - because suicide is everyone’s business.

For 20+ years, she has worked passionately to build hope through meaningful connections, one conversation at a time, as a Samaritan, as a counsellor with young people and survivors of domestic abuse, as a youth worker, and since 2015 as a suicide prevention trainer. Rose has personally equipped 1000s of people around the world with the tools and confidence to have a compassionate, courageous conversation that can save a life.

She also co-created the 90-minute session Talking about Suicide: 10 Tools (TAS10), which is now on the curriculum at a number of UK Medical Schools.

Find her at www.starttheconversation.uk or on LinkedIn at https://www.linkedin.com/in/roserowkins/ 

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Enjoy today's season starter, with some heavy topics coming up in the next few weeks, and our live event on the 17th of October.

But tickets now: https://podlifeevents.com/event-details/mumd-live-in-london---overcoming-fear-transforming-adversity-into-a-road-map-for-growth-17th-oct-tickets

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A lot more recorded.

Today is the wrap up of season 2.

Thanks for listening and supporting us. This year has seen a lot of changes with our first live event, new sponsors, new website and some fantastic guests.

Season 3 will go live in September, with a lot of it already recorded. We are looking at different formats, a newsletter and of course another live event mid October. Details all tbc asap.

In the meantime, enjoy your summer.

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Justin introduces his personal and professional background, emphasising his extensive experience in B2B sales and digital marketing. He shares his recent accomplishment of completing the London Marathon and delves into his life as a Brit residing in the Netherlands, an experience paralleling Volker’s as a German in the UK.

The conversation shifts to more personal matters as Justin discusses his parents' conditions: his father suffers from advanced Parkinson's disease and his mother battles anxiety. This situation is further complicated by their profound deafness, a unique family dynamic that Justin and his brother have navigated since childhood.

The dialogue ventures into the sensitive areas of elderly care and the systemic challenges within the UK's health service. Justin describes the struggle of securing adequate care for his parents, touching upon the resistance often met from aging parents who view their children as figures who shouldn't dictate their choices, regardless of their own deteriorating independence.

The podcast takes a more philosophical turn as the topic shifts to assisted suicide, highlighting the moral and ethical complexities surrounding the choice of ending one's life in dignity. The hosts discuss various international perspectives and legislations on assisted suicide, noting the differences between countries that allow it and the conditions under which it can be pursued.

Justin advocates for more open discussions about death and the right to choose a dignified end, especially in cases where individuals suffer from irreversible health declines. The conversation reflects on broader societal and personal implications, urging a thoughtful consideration of how modern medicine extends life but also prolongs suffering.

The episode is an invitation to reflect on profound issues of autonomy, dignity, and the ethics of end-of-life choices, emphasising the importance of discussing these topics more openly in society.

You can find out more about Justin or get in touch with him via LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/justinsalessource/

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The conversation delves into several key points:

1.    Stigma and Culture: There's a significant stigma surrounding mental health in male-dominated professions, compounded by a culture that may not always be supportive. The banter culture, while bonding, can sometimes cross into bullying, especially for those already struggling.

2.    Lack of Support: Anita highlights the systemic lack of support for men's mental health, including inadequate training for medical professionals in suicide prevention and a healthcare system that may not ask the right questions or provide the type of support that men find most beneficial.

3.    Trauma and the Criminal Justice System: Anita points out that a significant portion of the male prison population has a background of trauma, challenging the notion that men are inherently more prone to violence or aggression.

4.    Education and Development: Boys often fall behind in the education system, which isn't tailored to their developmental needs. The discussion touches on the importance of recognizing different learning and developmental timelines between genders.

5.    Seeking Solutions: The conversation also explores how men do seek help and the importance of creating safe, supportive environments for men to open up. Examples include specialised groups and initiatives that offer practical, solution-focused support in informal settings, such as men's sheds or sports teams, which facilitate open discussion and connection among men.

6.    Societal Shifts and Challenges: The discussion touches on the broader societal shifts and the challenges these pose to men's identity and role in society, including the impacts of the feminist movement and how advocating for men's issues is often seen as contentious.

7.    Looking Forward: The need for more focused efforts on men's mental health and well-being, including the establishment of roles like a minister for men's health and broader societal recognition of the unique challenges men face, is emphasised.

This episode underscores the complexity of men's mental health issues, the need for tailored support systems, and the importance of societal change in how we address and support men's mental health.

You can find out more and get in touch with Anita via: https://blossomtraining.org/

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James shares his recent decision to buy a house and the financial commitments that come with it, joking about the economic climate's impact on his lifestyle. He also touches on his passion for Eurovision, revealing plans to travel there, blending his interest in cultural celebrations with his professional life in media.

A significant part of the discussion revolves around James's sober journey, initiated by a health scare involving hypertension. This moment of crisis led him to evaluate his lifestyle choices, particularly his alcohol consumption, which was culturally and socially ingrained but not excessive. James's decision to stop drinking was not only a health choice but also a profound personal revelation, discovering that he is essentially a person who thrives without alcohol.

The conversation also delves into the role of mindfulness in dealing with life's stresses and pressures. James, along with the hosts, discusses how mindfulness techniques have helped them manage personal and professional challenges more effectively, promoting a balanced and reflective approach to life's ups and downs.

Furthermore, the hosts and James explore the broader implications of personal choices and societal norms on well-being. They discuss the pressures of maintaining social habits like drinking and how mindfulness can offer alternative ways to manage stress and social engagement.

This episode not only highlights personal transformations and the power of mindfulness but also emphasises the importance of introspection and personal growth in mid-life, offering listeners insights into managing health, stress, and personal development in more fulfilling ways.

You can find out more about James on his website www.wearesoundmedia.com or touch base with him via LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/james-marriott-podcast/

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Dr. Pratsides begins by explaining his journey into medicine and how his interest in digital health started in 2016. He was particularly interested in how digital technology could enhance patient care by considering not just the clinical needs but also the emotional and practical needs of patients. He emphasises the importance of understanding what a health issue means to a patient emotionally and practically, which is often overlooked in traditional healthcare.

We discuss how the NHS excels in clinical care but often falls short in addressing the emotional and practical needs of patients due to resource constraints. Dr. Pratsides notes that traditional NHS services are not designed to handle the personal and emotional aspects of healthcare efficiently, leading to feelings of neglect among patients.

The conversation then shifts to the specific challenges men face in seeking healthcare. Men, due to societal norms and work pressures, often delay seeking medical help until a serious problem arises. Dr. Pratsides highlights that men are less familiar with navigating the healthcare system compared to women, who have more frequent interactions with healthcare services due to screenings and reproductive health needs.

Dr. Pratsides introduces Numan’s approach to men's health, which leverages digital technology to provide accessible and personalised care. Newman focuses on conditions like erectile dysfunction, weight management, and hormone therapy. The goal is to engage men early, address underlying health issues, and prevent serious conditions like heart attacks and strokes.

Volker and David share their personal experiences and questions, delving into the ripple effect of health issues on family and relationships. Dr. Pratsides explains how Numan’s digital platform allows for continuous and convenient communication with healthcare professionals, addressing both clinical and emotional needs effectively.

The discussion also touches on the potential of private digital health services to complement the NHS by alleviating some of its burdens. Dr. Pratsides argues that affordable private services like Numan can take pressure off the NHS by providing timely and accessible care, thus preventing more serious health issues that require intensive NHS resources.

Overall, the episode underscores the importance of a holistic approach to men's health, combining digital technology with a deep understanding of patient needs. Dr. Pratsides insights offer a promising vision of how healthcare can evolve to better serve men's health and well-being.

You can find out more on www.numan.com or contact Dr. Pratsides via LinkedIn

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Yaron discusses the importance of distinguishing his programme from therapy, emphasising that it is more suitable for men ready to tackle their issues head-on, those who have already undergone some form of therapy, or who are seeking to complement their ongoing therapy with a community of like-minded individuals. The programme, which Yaron describes as a boot camp for the soul, challenges participants through exercises that promote vulnerability, honesty, and personal growth.

The conversation also touches on the societal expectations of men and the stigmatisation of showing vulnerability or emotions. Yaron argues that embracing vulnerability and working through emotions is a source of true power and strength, not weakness. He highlights the value of honest feedback within the community he has created, allowing men to see their blind spots and grow in a supportive environment.

Yaron's journey from overcoming personal challenges, including depression and professional uncertainty, to founding Being Men is shared as a testament to the transformative power of self-discovery and community support. He emphasises the importance of honesty, both with oneself and within relationships, as a foundational value for personal growth and fulfilment.

Listeners are encouraged to explore what On Being Men offers if they feel a pull towards confronting their challenges in a supportive, non-judgmental environment. Yaron's story and the principles behind Being Men serve as an invitation to men everywhere to engage more deeply with their own journey of self-improvement and to find strength in vulnerability and connection.

Find out more: https://onbeingmen.com/

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Richard shares insights into the origins of Man V Fat Football, conceived when the founder, Andrew Shanahan, noticed a lack of weight loss programs catering specifically to men’s needs. The program has grown significantly, now boasting 8,200 participants across the UK, with plans to expand internationally.

Throughout the episode, Richard explains how the programme not only focuses on weight loss but also builds a community among participants. They discuss how the unique scoring system, which rewards weight loss with goals, incentivises participants and fosters team spirit and mutual support.

The conversation also touches on the broader impact of Man V Fat Football, highlighting stories of profound personal change and improved mental health among participants. The program’s ability to engage men in a supportive community has led to life-saving conversations and transformations, demonstrating the power of combining sport with health initiatives.

As the episode wraps up, Richard outlines the future goals for Man V Fat Football, including international expansion and deeper integration with health services and local communities. The hosts reflect on the societal benefits of such programs, emphasising the potential for sport to play a pivotal role in public health and community building.

You can find out more here: https://manvfat.com/ or connect with Richard via LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/richardcrick/

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Katie shares her personal journey, highlighting her experiences with burnout while working in corporate sales, working long hours, and facing severe health issues due to stress. Her story emphasises the physical, mental, and emotional toll of burnout, leading her to launch Get Your Shit Together to help others manage stress and prevent burnout by combining her background in nutrition and corporate experience.

The conversation delves into the stages of burnout, from excitement to physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion, stressing the importance of recognising early warning signs and addressing them. Katie stresses that burnout is not just a workplace issue, but a broader human issue influenced by various stressors, including personal pressures and societal expectations.

Katie and the hosts discuss the difference between Type A and Type B personalities, with Type A individuals being more prone to burnout due to their high-stress, high-performance lifestyle. The importance of sleep, exercise, and setting boundaries is highlighted as key to preventing burnout. Katie also criticises the glorification of the "5 AM Club" mentality without adequate rest, emphasising the need for personal wellness routines tailored to individual needs.

The episode underscores the necessity of personal responsibility and accountability in managing stress and avoiding burnout. Katie advocates for a holistic approach to well-being, combining physical health management with introspection on one's relationship with stress and establishing healthy boundaries and coping mechanisms.

Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their stress levels and well-being, with Katie providing practical advice on recognising burnout symptoms and taking proactive steps to manage stress for sustainable performance and a healthier life.

You can find out more about Katie’s services here: https://www.getyourshittogether.io/ or if you are interested in her corporate services here: https://gystwellbeing.com/

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Berny highlights the prevalence of undiagnosed mental health and nuerodiversity issues among young men in the criminal justice system and emphasises the importance of listening and non-judgmental support.

Berny talks about how the mentoring process is personalised and aims to empower young men to make their own decisions. Mentors and mentees meet regularly in a neutral environment, fostering trust and open communication. The organisation's approach is not about imposing decisions but supporting the young men in their journey to adulthood, offering a contemporary rite of passage that marks their transition into responsible adult life.

Berny opens up about his personal connection to the cause, driven by a traumatic event involving his daughter. This experience fuelled his commitment to contribute positively to young men's lives in his community, highlighting the transformative power of understanding, empathy, and community support.

Volker and David delve into the structure and support system for mentors within A Band of Brothers, ensuring they are well-equipped to assist without bearing the emotional weight alone. The discussion touches on the challenges and rewarding moments of mentoring, emphasising the importance of patience, commitment, and the impact of genuine human connection.

Berny's story and the work of A Band of Brothers illustrate the profound effect that compassionate mentorship can have on individuals and communities, offering hope and a path forward for young men at risk of falling through the cracks of the criminal justice system.

You can find out more about the amazing work carried out by A Band of Brothers here https://abandofbrothers.org.uk/ and you can connect with Berny here https://www.linkedin.com/in/bernardauton

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Stuart discusses the creation of safe spaces through LBC's pop-up barbershops on construction sites, offering workers not only haircuts but also an opportunity for open conversations about mental health. The initiative aligns with Mace's commitment to employee well-being, emphasising mental health alongside physical safety. Stuart recounts personal motivations stemming from his wife's illness and the impact of COVID-19 on his family, highlighting the importance of workplace support.

The discussion also touches on the challenges within the construction industry, including job instability, isolation, and the traditional macho culture that often discourages open dialogue about mental health. The LBC's approach, through Barber Talk Light training, empowers barbers to engage in mental health conversations, providing a unique avenue for support that complements traditional mental health resources.

Stuart's enthusiasm for the LBC's mission is palpable, as he shares stories of the positive impact on workers' morale and mental well-being. He encourages other organisations to embrace similar initiatives, stressing the broader applicability beyond the construction industry.

The episode concludes with a call to action for more awareness and support for mental health in the workplace, emphasising the LBC's role in fostering a culture of openness and care within traditionally stoic industries.

You can find out more about the LBC here: https://www.thelionsbarbercollective.com/

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Roderick explains that obesity and related health issues stem from cellular and sub-cellular dysfunction, particularly within the mitochondria. He emphasises the importance of looking beyond just food and exercise, suggesting that light, water, and magnetism also play crucial roles in metabolic health.

The conversation covers the historical shifts in human lifestyle, particularly the move towards an industrialised society, which has led to increased indoor living, convenience food consumption, and a departure from our evolutionary dietary patterns. Roderick argues that these changes have disrupted our natural circadian rhythms and mitochondrial function, contributing to the rise in obesity and metabolic diseases.

He advocates for a diet high in animal protein for its bioavailability and satiety effects, and discusses the benefits of time-restricted eating and fasting. Roderick stresses that proper timing and quality of food, exposure to natural light, and managing artificial light exposure are key to resetting our body's internal clock and improving metabolic health.

The discussion also touches on the benefits of low-intensity steady-state exercise over high-intensity workouts for fat loss, and the importance of aligning eating patterns with natural circadian rhythms for optimal health.

Listeners are encouraged to explore Roderick's program and resources for more detailed guidance on achieving metabolic health and weight loss.

You can find out more about his programmes here:

Linkedin: http://www.linkedin.com/in/rodericklambert

Instagram tag: #midlifemetabolichealth

Facebook: Roderick Lambert

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Jerry's story includes a symbolic encounter with a spider during a soul-searching retreat, which led him to realise that worrying excessively about the future, especially about his children, was hindering his growth. This moment of clarity is memorialised by a tattoo of a spider, symbolising his lesson in worry and care. Jerry’s reflections on midlife are deeply personal, involving an internal battle where external success did not equate to internal happiness. His path to understanding involved introspection and recognising that true contentment comes from aligning one's internal and external worlds.

The conversation covers the challenges men face in midlife, highlighting societal pressures to accumulate wealth and status as measures of success. Jerry advocates for a redefinition of success, focusing on personal fulfilment, relationships, and emotional well-being rather than material achievements. He emphasises the value of introspection, therapy, and confronting one's fears and insecurities as critical steps towards personal growth and happiness.

Jerry also touches on the importance of legacy, viewing midlife as an opportunity to reflect on one’s contributions and the impact on future generations. He discusses his relationship with his father, exploring how understanding and forgiving past generational traumas can lead to healing and a sense of wholeness.

The episode concludes with Jerry offering advice to individuals navigating midlife, urging them to recognise that they are not broken but merely experiencing a natural phase of life that calls for self-examination and acceptance. He highlights the potential for growth and renewal, encouraging listeners to embrace their journey with openness and compassion towards themselves and others.

This episode provides listeners with a rich, thoughtful exploration of midlife, challenging conventional notions of success, and offering guidance on how to live a more authentic, fulfilled life. Jerry's insights inspire listeners to reflect on their own lives, confront their fears, and embark on a journey towards personal growth and self-discovery.

www.reboot.io

His books can be purchased on Amazon:

Reboot: Leadership and the Art of Growing Up

Reunion: Leadership and the Longing to Belong

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David and Volker explore their work-life balance, the shift towards online work, and the importance of local community engagement. They delve into endurance sports and personal challenges, highlighting the mental and physical aspects of preparing for and participating in marathons, triathlons, and ultra-marathons. The discussion reveals personal growth through these activities and the significance of setting and overcoming challenges.

The conversation shifts to future aspirations, such as swimming the English Channel and participating in other endurance events, juxtaposed with professional growth and the pursuit of qualifications in psychotherapy.

This reflects on the broader theme of life’s challenges, both self-imposed and circumstantial, and the value of perseverance, community support, and gratitude.

David and Volker conclude by encouraging listener engagement through their LinkedIn page and WhatsApp group, aiming to build a supportive

community for men to discuss various topics, including health, fitness, and personal development. They emphasize gratitude, resilience, and the importance

of community as they wrap up their insightful and multifaceted conversation.

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If you are interested in any of his programmes or want to reach out to him, please get in touch via LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tylerslade/

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Glen shares his journey from working in big tech and international roles to seeking a more fulfilling path in start-ups focused on social impact, particularly in conservation and mental health. His move was driven by a desire for direct involvement in socially impactful work, contrasting with the indirect impact of his previous roles in banking and technology.

A significant part of the conversation revolves around Glen's unexpected venture into running an ultra-marathon, despite being advised against long-distance running due to his physical build. This experience, driven by a challenge and a sense of proving oneself, reflects a broader theme of overcoming obstacles and setting personal goals.

The discussion also touches on societal changes, the importance of having adventures, and the impact of technological advancements on employment and personal fulfilment. The role of AI in therapy and the potential for new job creation in areas yet to be imagined are explored, highlighting the dynamic interplay between technology, society, and individual aspirations.

Glen's reflections on his upbringing in a mining community and the impact of industrial closures on his family and community underscore the conversation. This personal history informs his views on the importance of work, community, and the pursuit of meaningful, impactful endeavours.

Overall, the episode delves into themes of resilience, the pursuit of personal growth and fulfilment, and the evolving landscape of work and technology. It reflects on the importance of adaptability, the pursuit of passions, and the significance of addressing mental health openly and supportively.

You can find out more about our sponsor Welldoing on www.welldoing.org

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He is a poor sleeper, whose family made beds and mattresses, and is on a lifelong journey to improve his own, and the world’s sleep.

Volker has monitored his sleep for many years, via his phone, smart ring, and his smart watch as well. Yet, James thinks the harder you try, the harder it gets to get good sleep. He often works with footballers, and they do use trackers. However, he prefers to work with people that don’t have a tracker, as the tracker suggest you might have had a good or bad night sleep yet doesn’t really help you as well. It’s not an intervention, it is a measurement tool.

James looked at 2 weeks’ worth of data from James and Volker and analysed it.

Volker thinks that he is a good sleeper, naps every lunch time and can fall asleep easily, and he has his sleep optimised. David on the other hand thinks that he isn’t a good sleeper at all, using various tools and over the counter medicines to help him sleep. He also wears earplugs as he lives on a main road. David can also not sleep on the spot e.g., naps, or on planes.

Further, David thinks he is in the middle of staying up late or getting up early, sleeping on his side or sometimes on his front. Whilst Volker definitely thinks he is a lark (getting up early) and falls asleep on his back, then sleeps on the right-hand side. An online test for indication can be found here.

James points out that you should have separate duvets for better sleep. Also, James hardly meets couples with the same sleep type. He also recommends a pillow that helps you with your neck and or your knees. A simple thing to help you with your sleep and neck pain for instance.

The three questions James asked us prior to the show was:

1.    How quickly do you fall asleep?

Volker answered that he falls asleep instantly which is a sign of sleep deprivation. David takes 5-30 minutes. That indicates him being a good sleeper.

2.    How often do you wake up during the night?

We all wake up at least 6 times a night, something that comes from our days as cave men protecting us from sable tooth tigers. But we only remember it when we are awake for 5 minutes or more.

3.    How tired are you around 10-11 am in the morning.

You should be awake at that time of the day. But it can be impacted by your routine.

Alcohol and stress impacts REM sleep (20%) which is our overnight counselling sessions where we process things that happen during the day. Deep sleep (20%) is more about physical recovery and Core Sleep is about 60% of our sleep.

You can find out more about James’ work and get in touch via the following links:

@TheSleepGeek

www.thesleepgeek.co.uk

www.kipmate.com

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Ralph recounts a traumatic incident where he was attacked in his sleep by his girlfriend's ex-boyfriend, leading to significant head injuries. However, Ralph believes that the knowledge he had gained, aided his recovery even utilized treatments from his previous business in skin micro-needling to help heal his wounds.

He shares his transition from investment banking and real estate to opening a chain of anti-aging and longevity clinics in Cardiff, Bristol, and Newport.

Ralph noticed that many clients seeking treatment to improve how they looked, as they got older had deeper internal issues, often related to stress.

This prompted him to shift focus from external aesthetics to internal well-being, incorporating therapies like hyperbaric oxygen therapy, cryotherapy, and red-light therapy.

Ralph describes his personal routine, which includes meditation, exercise, and a strict diet - emphasisng the importance of managing stress, sleep, and overall health. He also discusses his decision to abstain from sex for a period, focusing on his business and personal growth, and exploring the concept of hands-free orgasms, which he has written about.

Diet-wise, Ralph maintains a simple, organic diet, with staples like porridge, eggs, and vegetables, emphasizing the importance of healthy eating in longevity. He comments on the impact of inflation on food prices and his philosophy of optimizing life for health and well-being.

Addressing sleep and stress, Ralph offers practical tips, including the importance of meal timing, consistent sleep schedules, reducing blue light exposure, and understanding the psychological aspects of stress management. He advocates for a simple, straightforward approach to handling stress, focusing on accepting reality and controlling what one can.

As the conversation wraps up, Ralph mentions his books available on Amazon, "Stop Killing Yourself" and "Stop Waking Up Tired," and his upcoming book on stress management. He also highlights his clinic's services, offering sleep and stress workshops for companies looking to optimize employee performance.

The episode concludes with Ralph's offer to provide copies of his book to the hosts, and plans for a future conversation to delve deeper into various topics, including adaptogens for sleep and stress management.

You can find out more about Ralph on his website or the Longevity Clinic.

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David shares insights into his approach of setting goals rather than resolutions, emphasising the value of looking back at past achievements to inform future objectives. Both highlight the significance of personalised strategies, including the adoption of routines that align with individual lifestyles and values. They discuss the importance of flexibility in goal setting and the necessity of adapting plans as life circumstances change.

Throughout the conversation, they touch upon various strategies for enhancing productivity, such as time blocking, habit stacking, and the benefits of incorporating exercise and mindfulness into daily routines. They also explore the concept of 'mind fasting' as a way to give the brain a break from constant stimulation.

The discussion delves into the importance of not being overly rigid with habits and routines, acknowledging that it's okay to miss a gym session or deviate from a set schedule occasionally. They emphasise the importance of self-care and listening to one's body and mind's needs.

Towards the end, they share personal anecdotes and tips for regaining focus and motivation, suggesting that even a brief commitment to an activity can help overcome inertia. The conversation concludes with encouragement for listeners to find what works best for them and to seek support within their community, including the WhatsApp group from Man Up / Man Down.

Overall, the episode offers a relatable and pragmatic take on managing personal habits, goals, and the challenges of sustaining motivation beyond the initial enthusiasm of New Year's resolutions.

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Charlie talks about how our parents’ generation had a very different upbringing, with the mantra of “a stiff upper lip” and not really expressing their emotions. Despite having a close, loving relationship with his own parents, Charlie expresses this is not the way he wants to raise his own children.

Like Man Up / Man Down, he wants to encourage the next generation to be more open about their emotions and mental health, to further destroy the stigma of discussing these issues.

He shares his experiences transitioning from working in the food and drink industry to coaching, focusing on wellbeing and performance.

Charlie also recounts his experience of bullying, which had a major impact on his life. This resulted in him reaching out to his bully years later. They met up and Charlie describes how his bully had been holding regret about his behaviour at school.

Charlie also reveals how he and his now wife, decided to cycle from Malaysia to the UK. This was despite not really having any cycling experience. Although the early stages of the journey resulted in tension and a few arguments, it ultimately proved a transformative experience that brought them closer together.

Charlie says that the epic cycling trip gave him a greater appreciation of kindness in the world – coming across strangers who had little in the way of material possessions but offered food and hospitality when they needed it.

He emphasises the importance of defining personal success and adapting to life's challenges, underscoring the evolving cultural understanding of mental health across generations.

You can find out more about Charlie on his website https://www.charliehoare.com

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Chris begins by sharing his career journey, starting with his desire to work with young people. He highlights the under-appreciation and low funding in youth services, emphasising their vital role as a bridge between family and school. Chris's early work involved integrating community services into schools, focusing on drugs, alcohol, sexual health, and mental health. He notes the significant overrepresentation of boys and young men in school exclusions and the criminal justice system.

The discussion then moves to Chris's work in youth offending services, where he dealt with young people exhibiting multiple and complex needs, often leading to aggression and violence. He emphasises the importance of understanding the underlying fear and unmet needs driving these behaviours. Chris also talks about the importance of vulnerability in young men, challenging the limited emotional expressions traditionally allowed for them.

Chris further discusses his work at Future Men, a London-based charity supporting boys, young men, and men during transitional life moments. He outlines various programs they offer, including the Boys Development Program for skills like communication and conflict management, and programs for fathers that focus on practical parenting skills, mental health, and the societal role of fathers.

A significant part of the conversation focuses on masculinity. Chris shares insights from focus groups with boys and fathers, revealing traditional norms among younger groups and a shift in priorities among fathers. He notes the impact of cultural, religious, and socioeconomic factors on perceptions of masculinity.

The podcast touches on the importance of statutory paternity leave and mental health screenings for fathers, highlighting the structural challenges men face in fulfilling their roles as parents. Chris argues for a more inclusive and supportive approach towards fatherhood, emphasising the importance of corporate social responsibility in supporting charitable organisations like Future Men.

Chris concludes by outlining Future Men's philosophy, which centres around seven positive characteristics of masculinity: empathy, curiosity, nonviolence, inclusiveness, resourcefulness, resilience, and reflectiveness. He stresses that these traits are essential for all individuals, not just men. The episode ends with Chris inviting listeners to engage with Future Men's work and attend their events for further discussion and involvement in these critical issues.

You can find out more here: www.futuremen.org

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His current gigs range from training leadership teams at global organisations in the art of storytelling, to being an instructor for Simon Sinek’s Optimism Company, where he runs his Redesign Your Work Day class.

He starts with telling his story how he jumped into a lake as he finished a conference in Bavaria, Germany. Ian says that reaching middle age is a turning point, stepping into the Real Me. He describes how he was feeling overwhelmed with his workload. But instead of jumping on the wi-fi to check his email, he jumped into a lake instead.

This turned out to be a life-changing moment for him, realising that he should and wanted to do the things that really mattered in his life as opposed to things that we were told to do or what would be within the “norm“.

This lead to him getting a tattoo of the lake, his first one at 54.

You can find his talk here.

It‘s an honest and raw story, resonating with many leaders in organisations, building trust and connection. As a storyteller, Ian is empathetic, honest, and raw and shows his emotions. Something we have lost a little bit in today‘s society. This resonates with both David and Volker, and we are sure with most middle-aged men.

He has been depressive and he finds that for many years ago he couldn‘t talk about it. However things have changed. His therapy was sharing his story, influencing others, and giving others the validation to do their own thing.

Volker speaks about the poem ‘This Be the Verse’ by Philip Larkin. “They fuck you up, your mum and dad.“

We talk about the age-old belief that men “shouldn‘t cry or show their emotions.”  We discuss that it is still a stigma that “boys don‘t cry” but we should be encouraged to show emotions to our children but also ourselves.

As David says, you are “papering over the cracks“ by ignoring emotions and teaching the wrong things.

Ian suggests that he went back to being a bit more like he was in his teenage years. That resonates as you start losing yourself in the next stage in your life, when you start following that career path which is often forced upon us.

And mid-life often gives us the realisation and means to be the person we wanted to be all along. Whether that is in relation to tattoos, or pure fulfilment of our inner needs.

If it matters, make time for it – that‘s Ian‘s mantra. Whether that is the coffee in his local coffee shop or being present with the kids. Ian, similar to Volker has a gratitude journal, focusing on the positive things in his daily life.

You can find Ian on Instagram at @iansanders and www.iansanders.com.

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She is also author of Move!: The New Science of Body Over Mind.

However, David discovered Caroline after reading her article for the New Scientist, What’s behind the recent explosion in ADHD?. Not only was it very well written, but David was able to relate to the story behind the article – where Caroline had been diagnosed as having ADHD in her 40s.

While this led to some lively discussion between David and Caroline, Volker got completely lost as the conversation jumped around so much (which David was certainly unaware of – a great example of the difference between a neurotypical and neurodiverse brain!).

Through her career as a medical writer, writing about focus and concentration, and often finding herself distracted, Caroline realised she might have ADHD herself – receiving an official diagnosis at the tender age of 48.

She was often told at school and by her parents that she was overactive or couldn’t concentrate. Now that we, as a society, started talking more about it, she got more support to look into it.

Caroline went to the New Scientist to write about ADHD. She wanted to investigate whether, as some journalists have claimed, that diagnoses are rocketing due to private diagnosis, where it’s in the organisation’s financial interests. However, Caroline’s research has revealed that we are still under-diagnosing in the UK.

Volker still doesn’t understand ADHD due to lack of experience, but enjoyed David and Caroline having such an animated conversation.

Both Caroline and David just got on with life and what was thrown at them, thinking it was normal that certain things just take a bit longer. Caroline compared it to getting glasses when you suddenly realise that the world you are living in is blurred and that buildings have straight edges. Caroline is now on a test for medication to help her with ADHD.

For both it’s difficult to judge how long a piece of work might take; everyday things like parking and remembering where you parked, can be a challenge. Or supermarket shopping can be challenging too, resulting in increased stress.

They share a lot of tips on how to organise themselves. Whilst Volker is super organised, this adds another level of organisation even for him.

As Caroline points out, don’t beat yourself up for not doing everything 100%. It’s ok that there are things that might not work every time, and that‘s ok. Accepting your brain is different to a neurotypical person.

There is also a quicker route to get an ADHD diagnosis. Go to your GP and ask for a referral under the NHS right to choose.

And if you want to get in touch with Caroline please reach out to her or want to read or buy her books, please visit www.carolinewilliams.net or follow her on Instagram @carolinewilliams_science

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Our panel included Louise Chunn, CEO of our sponsor Welldoing, Stewart Cumming, head of operations at Dad La Soul and Mick Rigby, CEO of Yodel Mobile (who recorded a great episode with us in the first season, discussing his dyslexia and ADHD diagnosis in his 50s).

We weren’t expecting so much engagement from the audience (which we were absolutely delighted with), so apologies if the audio isn’t as clear when it comes to audience discussions – this will certainly be improved for future events.

The audience expressed a range of views and charged the debate.

These were the views of individuals and not necessarily ones that represent Volker and David, but it was clear that there is a lot of confusion about what exactly a man’s role is in 2023/24.

Topics that were discussed were:

·      Why do men not talk as much as they need to?

·      Do men still feel weak discussing their vulnerabilities?

·      Is it a weakness to discuss vulnerabilities?

·      What is the role of employers in helping men and women with mental health support?

·      How easy is it for an employee to raise concerns about their mental health or neurodiversity issues?

·      What role does social media play in causing confusion in the role men play in modern society (should we be more masculine, more vulnerable, a better financial provider, provide more emotional support)?

·      What emotional support do we expect from our partners as “traditional male/female roles” become blurred?

·      What impact did the pandemic and lockdown have on us?

·      What responsibility do we need to take for our own mental health?

A big thanks again to our sponsors Fat Fish Digital Infigo and Welldoing and everyone that took the time and money to join us for the event.

Keep your eyes peeled for the next one in 2024!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This special episode is the first part of our live recording, which took place in Brighton at the end of November.

Our panel included Louise Chunn, CEO of our sponsor Welldoing, Stewart Cumming, head of operations at Dad La Soul and Mick Rigby, CEO of Yodel Mobile (who recorded a great episode with us in the first season, discussing his dyslexia and ADHD diagnosis in his 50s.

During Louise’s keynote address, she discussed the changing landscape of men’s mental health and how Princes William and Harry had driven the conversation forward by discussing their mental health challenges.

She also praised the work Volker and David had done in encouraging men to talk through the podcast.

We weren’t expecting so much engagement from the audience (which we were absolutely delighted with), so apologies if the audio isn’t as clear when it comes to audience discussions – this will certainly be improved for future events.

The audience expressed a range of views and charged the debate.

These were the views of individuals and not necessarily ones that represent Volker and David, but it was clear that there is a lot of confusion about what exactly a man’s role is in 2023/24.

Topics that were discussed were:

·      Why do men not talk as much as they need to?

·      Do men still feel weak discussing their vulnerabilities?

·      Is it a weakness to discuss vulnerabilities?

·      What is the role of employers in helping men and women with mental health support?

·      How easy is it for an employee to raise concerns about their mental health or neurodiversity issues?

·      What role does social media play in causing confusion in the role men play in modern society (should we be more masculine, more vulnerable, a better financial provider, provide more emotional support)?

·      What emotional support do we expect from our partners as “traditional male/female roles” become blurred?

·      What impact did the pandemic and lockdown have on us?

·      What responsibility do we need to take for our own mental health?

A big thanks again to our sponsors Fat Fish Digital Infigo and Welldoing and everyone that took the time and money to join us for the event.

Keep your eyes peeled for the next one in 2024!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Andy Delderfield runs the Alcohol Free Runners Facebook community and also coaches those interested in the alcohol-free lifestyle, but need one-to-one support.

Andy came on the podcast last year to tell is about his amazing transformation from booze-guzzling rugby fanatic to alcohol-free (4 years and counting), vegan, ultra runner.

Sadly, at the time, Andy had also been recently diagnosed with prostate cancer. But rather than taking it easy, while receiving intensive treatment, Andy decided to enter a 250km multi-day, ultra event. Running across the Namibia desert.

Andy explained that it had been an eventful year, and that it had only been two weeks since his diagnosis when we recorded the first interview, so he had still been processing the diagnosis.

Andy spoke about the range of emotions that he’d felt at the diagnosis: fear and uncertainty; confusion anger.

He said one of the issues was that he’d gone for a check up to see precisely how healthy he was after many years of “clean living.”

As expected, his blood pressure, cholesterol and all other health indicators were fine. However, the tests revealed the possibility of prostate cancer, which proved to be correct.

Andy said that men do need to be a lot more proactive about getting screened, particularly as men don’t visit the doctor as much as women; for a variety of reasons.

However, he said his experience as a Positive Psychology Coach helped him through – sticking to the advice he’d give to his clients when they’re overwhelmed.

This was to “control the controllable.” Obviously, he couldn’t control what was going on in his body lots and lots of different emotions that kind of came through um when I got that diagnosis. But he could control how he reacted.

Andy said he was overwhelmed with information, which goes into a lot of worst-case scenarios. Essentially, he was left with two options – have the prostate removed (which would require invasive surgery) or targeted radiotherapy.

While the radiotherapy had its own side effects, this was the option Andy went for – mainly because he’d already entered the Desert Ultra and didn’t want his treatment to rule him out!

Andy then told us about the Desert Ultra. Despite training in Spain (where he lives), Andy said the heat impacted him more than he was expecting and thought he might have to give up mere kilometres into the race.

He said that the negative thoughts entered his head – that he shouldn’t be there, that he didn’t deserve to be there.

Thankfully, after intense rehydration, Andy got past that first check post and completed the race.

To hear the full account of Andy’s hugely inspiring battle against cancer and the blistering heat, check out the episode.

He is also raising money for Prostate Cancer UK, so please donate here.

You can also see his brutally honest video diaries in his Facebook group and Instagram account.

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From there he set up The Midlife Coach focusing on supporting men struggling or stuck in midlife. For the past three years he's worked with a wide range of midlife men. This includes those on the verge of depression, desperate to rediscover the joy in life, to energetic self-starters looking to build their own meaningful legacy through work and family - and everything in between.

They come from all backgrounds and professions with very different needs and goals. What unites them is that they have reached the realisation that they are stuck in a rut and cannot break out of it alone.

Andrew speaks about his background in advertising which led to a breakdown, with him crying  on the kitchen floor, going through therapy, dealing with grief and eventually discovering what he wanted to do as a new career.

He said that the main takeaway is The massive learning was that he could change his life. Comparing life to a swimming pool, he says you cannot change where you jump in, but you can swim down the lane and change direction.

He set up his own coaching business in order to help people changing their life. Our generation starts figuring out what the term ‚being a dad actually means. Our fathers didn‘t show emotions or spoke about what they wanted in life necessarily. As a result our generation is figuring out what it really means to be a dad that is in touch with our emotions – learnings that we can pass on to our children to be better parents than we were.

We discuss legacy and how even organisations today try to be more ‘wholesome‘ and make a difference. That legacy seems to be a common theme in middle aged men.

We also discussed how there is a trade between any role that we take up – if we want to spend more time with our children, that might require a financial sacrifice. However, if we’re working all the time, to provide a better life for our family, that means we might not necessarily see them.

It‘s not only about balance in life but more about having control and being choiceful of what we want to do with our time. However, it‘s about making a conscious choice rather than compromising.

Burnout, according to Andrew, comes from reactivity and losing that control in life.

David quotes Benjamin Disraeli, that: “Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.”

As Andrew says, we shouldn‘t feel regret of things we did in life, and we shouldn‘t be paralysed by our dreams. In coaching he can utilise his experience and help others to get unstuck, and understand mid life. Mid Life is about making decisions and taking control back in your life. And often, time is all kids need from us.

You can find Andrew as the Midlife Coach on Facebook, LinkedIn or www.midlife-coach.co.uk

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At the start of the training season, the club offers a series of talks on how to improve performances. During David’s first season Stuart delivered a talk on how your mindset can impact your performance.

For example, Stuart described a situation where you turn up to a race and the weather is awful. The natural reaction for most competitors is for their heads to go down. However, Stuart said, this can give you an advantage.

If you accept that you can’t change the conditions and take into account that it’s put your fellow competitors into a negative mindset, then it puts you at an advantage. In short – it’s not what life throws at you, it’s how you react to it.

However, it wasn’t until a few years later that David discovered that Stuart’s profession wasn’t in sports performance but in sales performance, as the managing director of sales consultancy SBR.

Stuart says that while he is now a highly demand consultant, the majority of learning came from being in the sales trenches.

Stuart started his sales career, some might argue at the lowest level of the sale world, by knocking on residential doors selling aerial photographs of people’s homes. He stayed there for over 10 years working his way through the ranks to be the International Head of sales.

Now he demystifies the process of business development by working with organisations (ranging from Google to TikTok) and assessing the most appropriate sales process for their respective audience.

However, Stuart has also taken on a range of endurance challenges such as a multi-day marathon endurance race across the Sahara (the Marathon des Sables), a race to the North pole and numerous Ironman triathlons.

David said that he has always felt inspired by Stuart’s passion for adventure and new experiences, which this year alone have included a biking trip round Cuba, a road trip round Spain. In short Stuart never seems to stop!

David asked where this positive mindset came from – was it something he developed through his sales experience, or did he always have this approach to life?

Stuart says the first time he became aware of this was when he was booked in for his driving test - on Friday 13th. Stuart said that as soon as he saw the date, he thought “I’ve got this”.

After passing the test, the examiner mentioned that he was surprised Stuart turned up, as so many had cancelled due to the date. Stuart said this approach helped him a lot when he entered the world of sales. Stating that he realised (and the data supports this) that many salespeople give up after the first couple of approaches. So, when you’re prepared to put in a little more effort (such as making extra prospecting calls), you automatically put yourself ahead of the field.

Stuart said this was the approach then transferred into running and triathlon.

[...]

If you want to reach out to Stuart, you can do that via his LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stuartlotherington/

He also recommends taking a look at some of SBR’s content on goal setting.

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He shares his story and insights as a powerful speaker, promoting mental health, wellness, and resilience when chasing your dreams. Marc is also an accomplished entrepreneur and creative professional, bringing his unique talents to various industries. Discover how his passion and expertise can help you achieve your goals.

Back in 1992, Mac was visiting family in Ireland. Despite the age old warning of not to play with matches, Marc accidentally started a fire in his Uncle’s garage, which contained petrol.

Due to the remote location of his uncle’s house, and a severe storm, Marc was lucky to make it to hospital. But he continued to beat the odds,

Suffering significant injuries, painful dressing changes every 2 hours and being unable to see due to bandaging Marc refused to give up. Marc says that there were two things that carried him through – the support of his mum, who was his primary carer for 5 years – and an incredibly stubborn attitude.

When he finally well enough to fly back to London, he was put into a specialist burns unit with a doctor who Marc formed a bond with (describing him as a ‘mad professor’). Despite being told that it would be at least year before he could return to school, Marc was determined not to drop down a year.

And he didn’t.

He outright refused to give up, and adapted as best he could, which included him learning to write with his left hand. Despite suffering horrendous trauma, Marc states that he has never suffered from post traumatic stress (PTSD).

Marc hasn’t had any nightmares, and he wants to use his book to raise awareness that trauma doesn’t have to define you; we shouldn’t put people into categories. What helped him was mindfulness which he discovered through hypnotherapy.

Mark’s parents were shocked when he announced that he wanted to leave his school, which had made many adaptations for him, as he flet it wasn’t healthy to “live in a bubble”. He went to a Sixth Form College where he didn’t know many people, despite the fact that he was wearing a clear plastic mask to protect his skin.

Mark surprised his parents further by announcing that he wanted to go to University, despite being told just a few years previously that he’d probably need 24 hour care.

But Marc he wanted to live his own life and set his own goals.

[...] Fast forwarding to today, he is writing a book about his story and talks about positive mindset; sharing his experience and journey to find himself for the past 30 years, resulting in him now having the right mindset and confidence to help others.

The stage of mid-life transition and Covid made a lot of us think about what we really want in life and what is important to us.

We will have Marc back once he wrote his book and hopefully join at one of our next events.

You can find out more about Marc and reach out to him on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/marc-convey/ or via his website www.marcconvey.com (coming soon).

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This is a topic that David and Volker have discussed quite a bit in private, so felt it was finally time to record a conversation for the podcast. We discussed how you deal with your “babies” becoming young adults.

David’s youngest child starts secondary school in September, so he’s busy checking out local schools. It’s a stark indicator that the children are growing up fast. Volker’s sons are now at secondary school.

We discussed how once your children start high school, they are exposed to a whole range of new influences. However, there are things we got up to as teenagers but wouldn’t necessarily want our children doing. Volker says that he was already drinking and smoking at the age of 15.

We also discussed, how our children grow up differently to how we grew up. Volker says his oldest exercises 5-7 times a week and doesn’t show any interest in unhealthy activities such as smoking. 

Is this because Volker’s sons see him exercising regularly and therefore view it as “normal”? Neither Volker or David’s parents took part in the activities they have (such as marathons and triathlons).

Volker also says he talks more with his boys than his dad ever talked to him, so therefore has a much closer relationship. We also discussed that while there seems to be a greater focus on health and exercise, there can be greater on boys to have “the perfect physique” due to social media.

We also discussed how porn is a lot easier to access than it was in pre-internet days. David said that when it came to his daughter, he was concerned about sharing intimate pictures in the future, with a boyfriend, which could then be used as “revenge porn.”

Volker talks a lot about his parenting style and they both speak about how proud they are of both their children, forming bonds and giving them enough space to learn from their own experience. And every child is different and unique, which is super important to remember – so what is a suitable school for one child may not be suitable for another.

They discuss whether they are too harsh to their children, seeing as they have grown up in a more privileged situation than David and Volker did. However, both agree that their children need to learn that items, such as iPhones need to be earned.

However, we also discussed how phones give our ‘babies’ freedom as we can keep tabs on them through their phone location and talk to them at any time.

Sign up for our LIVE EVENT in BRIGHTON on the 28th of November.

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While working in the legal profession, John-Paul began experiencing severe anxiety, so decided to seek therapy. Discovering the positive effect it had on him, John-Paul decided to train in psychotherapy and leave his law career behind.

John-Paul explained that there is greater awareness of mental health, and the symptoms associated with it, which means “therapy has less of a stigma and is more in the public consciousness.

Which means more and more men are seeking therapy.

However, the question remains, can you sustain the same lifestyle as a lawyer?

The golden cage is something we have discussed with several of our guests – who have left a well-paying career to find something more spiritually rewarding.

We discussed the injustice that therapy, nursing or most public services jobs are paid poorly compared to other careers, that mean a lot less for the greater human good.

John-Paul said that status, money and acquisition of resources are the primary drivers we’ve had since the development of mankind.

However, these drivers, aren’t as necessary for survival in modern society. This is one of the reasons why an increasing number of middle-aged men are coming to therapy. The constant hustle to be better than others, chasing the next ‘high’.

John-Paul said that rather than reacting to external sources, therapy helps you to understand yourself and find one’s true meaning and purpose in life.

We continued to discuss how men form opinions based on societal pressure and how therapists can help men in their middle age (and anyone) with an objective opinion.

We also discussed the fine line between, banter and bullying and how banter can be damaging to mental health.

Volker mentions a scene from the Tom Hanks film ‘Philadelphia’, where the main character says he changed his decision to come out as gay, after his senior colleagues made homophobic jokes in the sauna.

John Paul has published a self-help book, ‘Finding a Balanced Connection’ and has written about a range of wellbeing and psychological topics for various magazines and websites.

John-Paul also now has a YouTube channel and podcast, where he discusses how he made his career change, what life is like as a therapist and advice on a range of mental health and wellbeing issues.

If you want to find out more about John-Paul, click on the links below:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/john-paul-davies-30721330/

Website (contains social media links): https://www.thistrustedplace.co.uk/

YouTube: https://youtube.com/@JohnPaulDaviesTTP?si=1FJYkKV2hOzQ2IHA

Podcast: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2067601

Link to our LIVE EVENT in BRIGHTON on the 28th of November.

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With us were Nathan and Gavin who run Talkclub in Haywards Heath. Talkclub is a about getting men together to talk and listen. This is an organisation that was set up (by another Gavin) after one of their friends committed suicide. Often, suicide can be prevented by simply talking. Of course, there are bigger issues and more underlying issues that play a role, but if men just store things up and don’t talk about their issues, then this isn’t helping their mental health at all.

We were also joined by Adam and Chris, two regular Talkclub members. Obviously, we don’t discuss any private issues they might normally discuss. Volker attended a session before, where he and others really opened up about things. However, our mission was to showcase how the session works, why Talkclub is beneficial and to remove a barrier of anyone attending any of the Talkclub sessions around the country.

If you don’t have Talkclub in your town, it’s easy to set up your own. You find all the information on the website www.talkclub.org – including a TED talk from one of the founders.

When the sessions happen, it is all about sharing how well you are feeling, between a zero and a ten. Volker reflected on how he opened up in front of some random blokes. Having a safe space where you can share anything good and bad that happened.

Chris and Adam were very kind to share their experience. They know each other well and are neighbours, and that’s not a problem. Also, they share things at the club rather than burdening their partners with problems they have, which means it can take pressure off a relationship.

Both Chris and Adam explained that the hardest step was pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and taking that step through the door. And while getting things of your chest is a form of therapy, Chris and Adam explained that they had become much more mindful and attentive listeners in all aspects of their lives.

Nathan explained that when the ‘universal group’ speaks about a big change, that’s when things usually change for men, and of course women as well. Whether that is the first child, or for all of us lockdown, which could be classified as a trauma for everyone if you wanted to see it that way. The uncertainty it created for everyone has a huge impact.

But it’s not about comparing oneself to others but to support each other. It’s not about trying to give advice to someone but just letting someone know that you have listened and “heard” what they are saying.

Talkclub is a place where you can find a community to talk and listen. You are part of it, but there is no competition or pecking order. It’s also free, whilst for a therapy session you have to pay. It’s about putting more tools in your toolbox to better cope with the everyday stress of life.

Please check out www.talkclub.org

If you are in the Haywards Heath area, please contact Nathan or Gavin via https://www.theunsaidspace.com/talkclub they meet on Wednesday nights.

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She founded Let’s Talk Menopause in 2012 and works across all sectors providing informative talks. She is the author of a book entitled Men…Let’s Talk Menopause and regularly contributes on a variety of platforms, including radio & various podcasts.

Menopause is when women stop having their menstrual period, and technically begins 12 months after their last period. Essentially what happens is oestrogen levels decline leading to an imbalance of hormones. There is a hormone replacement therapy but that’s not for everyone.

There are 34 symptoms for the menopause, from sweating as though you have just come off a squash court within a few minutes (which is obviously highly embarrassing women if it happens in a public place, such as your place of work), to feeling more emotional.

However not all women suffer the same symptoms and they can differ in severity from one person to another – for example, some women don’t have any hot flashes at all.

It can also affect your tissues and therefore your vagina as well, resulting in less interest in sexual intercourse. That’s why Ruth wrote the book, which Volker has now read in preparation what might be coming his or any men's way.

The psychological impact of menopause cannot be underestimated. Ruth says its integral to be sensitive and not make fun of your partner when she’s experiencing symptoms. Showing understanding to a partner is important at any point, but particularly when the hormones are in imbalance.

From a workplace perspective, Ruth said companies need to have an inclusive culture to open the conversation about menopause. Many women are still at work aged 45-60 and additionally they might have older parents, teenage children whilst trying to keep their level of competency. This can prove a huge challenge, and workplaces are encouraged to support women.

There are too many stigmas associated with menopause and for women under 40 they might have a premature menopause, resulting in similar symptoms, yet often workplaces and partners aren’t aware of it. It’s important to adjust policies and ensure the support for women in the workplace. And it’s like any health issue, we need to speak more about this!

Important: Don’t compare symptoms of your wife’s menopause to your mate’s wife’s menopause down the pub – it’s different for everyone. Be kind.

Useful links:

https://www.letstalkmenopause.co.uk/

Free menopause diary

https://www.womens-health-concern.org/

https://www.menopausematters.co.uk/

https://www.daisynetwork.org/

https://eveappeal.org.uk/

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Dans’ career spans 20 + years working across a range of start-up and multinational media agencies, creating campaigns for brands including Barclaycard, LG (UK), The White Stuff, Cancer Research UK, and Disney.

 Having spent the last seven years in the not-for-profit sector, he is now a respected thought leader in the men's mental health and fatherhood field and was awarded Judges Choice at The Social Entrepreneur of the Year Index. 

Dad La Soul has invested more than ten thousand hours in partnering with tech innovators, co-working spaces, local authorities, university research teams, youth music charities and social housing providers to help tackle these issues from the inside out.  

Dan works for the cause and not the applause and won an award from Rishi Sunak. 

He grew up realising that men don’t look after their kids or weren’t given the chance to. There were no men and toddler groups, no men toilets with baby changing facilities and no children products saying ‘recommended by men’. 

That’s what Dan wanted to change. 

84 men under the age of 45 are lost to suicide each week, and one of the main reasons is that men don’t talk. This is one of the reasons why Dan set up Dad La Soul, but not as a self-help group but as a group to get men together to talk. 

Like the Men Shed (season 1) where men get together to fix things, and that’s when they start talking. That’s who we are. 

Dan used to take his kids to toddler groups or school, and he got a lot of funny looks. Dan said there were a lot of assumptions made, none of which that he was just a single dad – overhearing comments such as “he must have be a widower, as men work during the day.”

“There must be something wrong if a man goes to a toddler group, probably chasing after the yummy mummies.”  

David said that he had similar experiences being a stay-at-home dad – not always being openly welcomed to all the mum dominated environment.

Dan now runs dad and kids’ groups, of which, he says, 65% of men probably got pushed into the group by their partners, who see the benefits and gets some time off themselves.

Dan says the sessions involve It’s anything from robotic workshops to play dates, sometimes they play football or have a few (alcoholic and non-alcoholic) beers. It’s all about having a good time. Yet they also have the open conversations about substance abuse and grievance. The group ranges from people on benefits to 6 figure incomes.

Everyone is welcome!

The events take place monthly, currently in Worthing and Brighton. The frequency is going up and Dan is launching new locations in the next few months too. Payment is voluntary and no questions are asked whether you can or cannot pay. It’s all about the community.  

If you want to get involved either as a volunteer or just visit, go to the website or contact Dan (dan@dadlasoul.com); website: https://www.dadlasoul.com

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As a female professional, she often found herself as the only woman at the table.

However, at the age of around 39, Gill experienced unavoidable internal turmoil marked by questioning, confusion, disconnect and a sense of suffocation in both her professional and personal life. Overwhelmed by these emotions, she reached a breaking  and calmly decided to deploy the emergency slide, exiting her established path, with no whistle, life vest or light for attracting attention.

However it wasn’t the instant relief she expected. She then totally fell apart - emotionally drained, burnt out, and mentally battered.

In this episode we discussed her journey - how hitting 40, resulted in her questioning what she was doing and her decision to work as a consultant, non - executive professional, and coach.

She guides and champions her clients through the process of confronting their own angst and success while fostering self - reflection, self - awareness, and the courage to be authentic. She realised that she was empty at the end of her days and ended up resigning.

However, instead of enjoying some time off, she fell into a big hole, not knowing what to do and had a real crisis of confidence. On the outside she hid her problems and kept up appearance, but her husband realised she was struggling mentally.

Traumatic experiences from her childhood had started to bubble up too. Gill found herself in a bad place, literally falling apart,not getting involved in anything, not wanting to leave the house. She then started therapy.

Gill realised that all her previous roles required an element of coaching and that she wanted to focus on this element and gain more qualifications.

While studying for her master, she felt imposter syndrome in a big way. So what is imposter syndrome?

Imposter syndrome can be lack of self-confidence, it could be self-doubt, but the key is that there is a profound fear of ‘being found out’. The feeling that someone might burst through the door and tell you ‘We found you out, your time is up’. There is an underlying belief that you don’t have the capability to do your job.

The challenge, David pointed out, is to quantify whether you have imposter syndrome and fear, or whether imposter syndrome is just ‘normal anxiety’ that we feel when we start a new job for instance.

As a coach, Gill is conscious to not label anyone and points out that it’s rare for two people explain imposter syndrome in the same way.

Gill says that there is still a huge challenge to get more people in the workplace to talking honestly about their feelings and mental health.

Gill says a very broad description or symptom of imposter syndrome can be typified as when

Someone notices the love for their job has gone and they feel a “wee bit sick of themselves”. Where the incongruence of being a leader and when you’ve got to where they got to isn’t working any longer, and something has to change.

If you feel like this could be you, feel free to get in touch or reach out to Gill via LinkedIn or her website.

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After a (we think) well deserved break, we are back with season 2!

A very exciting journey ahead, with lots of interesting guests and solo episodes lined up. 

Thanks for over 4,000 downloads of season 1.

First guest episode going live next week!

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Thank you to all our guests. We had a lot of fun, and we now have big plans for Season 2.

Enjoy this episode and hear you again in September for Season 2.

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She helps individuals and couples with sexual concerns and relationship issues.

Albertina has particular skills in working with sexual problems, including:

• Relationships where sex has stopped.
• Where there are differences in levels of desire.
• Conflicting sexual interests.
• Problems relating to sexual functioning, such as vaginal pain or erectile difficulties.

These issues often arise due to life changes, such as pregnancy, birth, bereavement, illness, and ageing. However, sometimes couples do not have any such specific problems, they just want to have better sex!

From Albertina’s point of view, it is better to discuss sex in correlation with a relationship, and have both partners in the therapy room at the time room. Usually there is something that doesn’t work, and that’s why men seek her advice. Whether that is erectile disfunction or premature ejaculation or where partners cannot reach the climax during sex.

Or partners have a different feeling about sex in the relationship and they cannot make it work without having someone like Albertina involved.

Albertina explains that sexual issues are down to pressure we put on ourselves, which kills the passion.

Women don’t necessarily come through penetrative sex, which puts pressure on the relationship. She explains there should be more ‘fun and relaxation’ in the bedroom and to just enjoy yourself more.

When couples first get together, they are happy to try new things out. However, as we get older, become complacent about our ‘sex routine’. Albertina says we also often have unrealistic expectations from pornography. So men have a fictional idea of the average size.

As with anything in life, we need to keep sex fresh. This becomes more difficult if both partners work hard, and as David suggested, pass each other like ships in the night. The conversation of ‘let’s try something new today’ is out of question if you barely have a chance to have any type of conversation.

Albertina explains that nothing is more important than sitting down in a relationship and discussing sex. Whether it’s a discussion around sex toys or expectations, whether it is watching porn together or making more time for each other. However, Albertina made it clear that she thinks scheduling sex isn’t an option.

Yet, she does suggest scheduling time for intimacy, but this doesn’t have to mean sex. This can be just spending time together, enjoying hobbies you used to enjoy, cuddling  on the sofa, cuddling naked on the bed without intercourse.

She said the trick is to take away any pressure and take a “see what happens approach.” She also explained that it’s rare that both couples feel desire at the same time but there is such a thing as responsive desire.

This involves creating an environment that fosters desire but again, it’s a balancing act between not creating pressure, managing expectation and seeing where it goes.

This approach helps you feel more like lovers than roommates living together.

However if you have very different sexual drives and tastes then that is something that definitely needs discussing with an expert if it’s significantly impacting the relationship.

Volker enquired whether he would still get it up at 90, and how sex changes from teenage sex to couple sex at 90. But we need to broaden the definition of sex, and understand that this can include everything from a stand up quicky in the kitchen to lying naked together without penetrative sex.

Volker mentioned at the end that as today’s society we can now get sex on demand via apps, e.g. location based buzzers to inform you that someone wanting sex is in the vicinity.

Obviously, a relationship is based on more than just sex, but how is this impacting future generations’ relationships?

You can find out more about Albertina and Revive Sex and Relationship Therapy here:

http://www.revivesexandrelationships.co.uk

Resources Albertina shared:

Websites and apps

https://amorus.net/

https://apps.apple.com/us/app/spicer-sex-ideas-for-couples/id1335558932

https://xconfessions.app/

https://mojo.so/about

https://www.omgyes.com/

https://www.dipseastories.com/

Ted talks

The secret desire in a long term relationship

The surprising truth about desire everyone needs to know

Books

Come as You Are: thebestselling guide to the new science that will transform your sex life: 1 (Come

As You Are, 1)

Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships

Mating in Captivity: How to keep desire and passion alive in long-term relationships

TV programmes

Sex, love and goop on Netflix

How to build a sex room on Netflix

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• A Mentor/Consultant to many - mid-tier Managers to Vice Presidents/Board members. Primarily on matters of Design, Strategy and Entrepreneurship.
• A Chartered Human Factors specialist.
• A Presenter and Documentary film maker.
• An accomplished speaker for audiences of 50-2000 and stuff like that. 

David and Volker went through his programme to slow down their eating. The course, Slow the Fork Down, can be booked on Matt’s website with a 50% discount for Man Up / Man Down listeners.  Just follow the link.

• Take control of your relationship with food.
• No diets.
• No punitive rules.
• You are how you eat [not just what you eat].

Matt works a lot in design for medical devices and does consulting for bigger companies on how to utilise apps, and how to improve them. However, his real passion is about preventing diseases and how that can be done via apps.

As we discuss eating, we also discuss whether meal substitutes actually work and are healthy for us or not. We should slow down and need the chewing rather than just.

Matt also stopped caffeine, reduced his alcohol consumption, is an avid runner and it feels a bit like as if he is experimenting with things that improve his life, make it more mindful and then comes up with a design for it.

We have a vivid discussion on work life balance, and how we judge things differently as we are getting older. A realisation that we need more space, work less, being less stressed, drink less and look after us. We value family more and our connection to friends and family. As Matt points out we don’t put PPE on for our minds, but we probably should.

You can contact Matt on matt@weareten.co.uk or LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mattpattison/

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Finding he needed a change, he exited the business in 2020. Not knowing what he wanted to do, he started writing about what his life should look like. Having had several burn-outs, he decided that his life needed to be more balanced.

But that was easier said than done. The more Oli explored it, interviewing over 1,000 people for his book, Work/Life Flywheel: Harness the work revolution and reimagine your career without fear, he realised we can’t balance work and life. But that’s not what we should actually be aiming for. A bold statement. 

Oli believes that work and life need to work together and move things forward for both your career and your life. People need to see progress and how things move forward. 

People that are middle aged tend to contemplate changing their career, and question whether they are fulfilled in their job and the time they spend with their family. Does life look like you envisaged it growing up? Are you stuck in a rut doing what you feel you have to do? 

Ollie now works less but gets more done. Working flexibly, he works early mornings around his family. In his book he calls it ‘mindset’, thinking about what is important now and what does one want to achieve in the long run? 

And sometimes one needs to make a bold decision and to sacrifice family time for a big exit. But what is guaranteed in this world, and what is worth giving up? As David pointed out, we often end up in golden hand-cuffs. 

Ollie has a set routine in the morning where he doesn’t take meetings in the morning to get deep work done. By 12 pm he has worked a full day, which means anything he gets done in the afternoon is a bonus. Whilst Volker still loves his early mornings and works all the way through to 7 pm. He enjoys working, but it feels wrong doing that much work sometimes, but why not if you enjoy it?

As Ollie points out, he is now in charge of his week and therefore it makes it easier for managing his time and focusing on the important things, whether that is work or family; he is also a big napper, similar to Volker who couldn’t function without his lunchtime nap 🙂 

David pointed out that we might have more of our working life left than we have done already. We will be living a lot longer and the classic 3 stage life of education, work, retirement will not be the same anymore, living a multi-stage life. 

The book, ‘The 100 year life’, puts more emphasis on how our lives are changing as we live longer and we highly recommend reading it. Ollie also thinks that the CV is outdated and he discusses this extensively in his book.

Ollie's weekly newsletter and Top 10 Careers podcast, Future Work/Life, provides news and analysis to thousands of people interested in the future of work, covering subjects like creativity and innovation, data and technology, peak performance and workplace culture. 

He's the author of the Amazon bestseller, Work/Life Flywheel: Harness the work revolution and reimagine your career without fear. You can find him on LinkedIn.

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Woodwork, metal work, electronics... basically making, fixing, upcycling. What does this achieve?

• 96% reduction in loneliness

• 75% reduction in anxiety

• 89% reduction in depression

With over 1,000 “Sheds” in the UK, the movement helps challenge loneliness for men and women across the UK. 

Although many of the meeting spaces aren’t actually sheds - with venues varying from disused morgues, to chicken farms to abandoned industrial sites. So what is the theory behind the sheds? 

As Charlie explains - if you put six men in a room and ask them to talk, nothing really happens. However if you put a broken lawnmower in the middle of the room and some  tools, it’s not long before the conversation is free flowing and reserved men are discussing health, bereavement or any other issues they have been bottling up. 

As we have seen across our episodes, these sheds help create purpose in someone’s life, who due to retirement or bereavement have lost their zest for life. People fix furniture, do wood work, metal working or build bird boxes. Some just come along for a cup of tea and a chat.  

The difference between women and men is that women seem to be able to socialise a lot better than men. Whilst David is generalising here, the sheds provide men a reason to socialise. According to stats from the US, 15% of men don’t have any friends. And besides sports, the pub is the other most likely other place you find men.

Both David and Volker were shocked to discover that while, suicide is the single biggest killer of men under 46, there is also another peak of suicide among men aged around 70. The idea itself came from Australia but has now spread to Canada, the UK, Denmark and Japan. Although Charlie says he is only involved in the UK branch.

The vast majority of sheds also integrate women and some are mixed as well. The challenge is that sometimes the dynamic can change but for most shed’s it’s working fine. It also helps ex offenders to integrate better into society; there are also sheds in prisons and hospices, to get people together and talk before they go, allowing for connections and making a positive impact in society.

If you are interested in opening a shed, you don’t need a property but the organisation can help you to set it all up. Find out more here: www.menssheds.org.uk

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He was expelled from school at the age of 10 and ended up with a criminal record. Ben’s parents were getting a divorce and one of his teachers cruelly told him that “parents who get a divorce, don’t love their children”. 

Ben was obviously upset and planned his revenge. He waited for a little while, called the teacher at home, and left threats on her answering machines, in a voice that he didn’t think the teacher would recognise. Unfortunately she did, and 10 year old Ben was arrested and put in a cell.

At that point he was told that he doesn’t have any hope in life. The minute he went to secondary school, everyone knew who he was - he was the 10 year old that had been arrested. He was also diagnosed as being dyslexic, but wasn’t supported properly, and left school with poor grades.

Not knowing what he wanted to do, his mum recognised his creative side and suggested he enter the hair industry and he never looked back. Starting as a colourist Ben won many awards but never received praise from his bosses. He then became a barber on the Isle of Dogs, realising that he thrived on the conversation’s with customers.

Sadly Ben’s father died. However this tragedy sowed the seed for The New Normal.One day a new client walked into Ben’s barbershop. During the conversation Jack revealed his father had recently passed away. As it was still just two years since Ben’s father had died, he could relate.

The two started hanging out on a regular basis, going to gigs and football matches. Jack’s mental health took a downturn and he turned to therapy. During treatment Jack mentioned his close relationship with Ben and how helpful their conversations had been.

Jack’s therapists asked Jack if he and Ben had considered starting a talking group. They decided to give it a go. In May 2018 they launched the first ever Good Grief meeting. 

After booking a room and then posting on social media, they didn’t think anyone would turn up.

But they did.

That meeting formed the basis of the charity they founded, The New Normal. From a North London community centre to a global charity that reaches many parts of the world. The New Normal now hosts 25+ meetings a month. What they do is support different communities and try and combat loneliness.

The challenges people discuss is no longer just about helping those going through bereavement. The New Normal Charity now has groups focusing on people of colour, LBGTQ+, young carers, students and so on; some groups focus on mental health and wellbeing, one for people over 40 called Grey Matters, Boys and Girls talks. Ride and Run clubs. 

All meetings are online and anyone going through training and checks can run a group and anyone can be part of a group. What Ben and Jack envisage is to create spaces globally for people to speak and exchange. They have launched in France France and US and China are on the roadmap.

Ben’s whole working life has been about holding space for others, learning how to communicate and seeing the impact of simple, straightforward conversations. We can’t wait to hear what the future holds.

Please check out The New Normal Charity

On Instagram you can find them on @TNNCharity and @ldn_brbr

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Despite founding several successful businesses and winning industry awards, Mick was diagnosed with Dyslexia and ADHD at the age of 54, back in March 2022.

Back when he was in school in the 1980s, he was tested for behavioural ‘problems’ by the local authority, but didn’t receive a diagnosis other than ‘just having problems’. Mick always had challenges with spelling and writing from an early age but just accepted it and tried to work around them.

When his son was diagnosed with dyslexia 7 years ago, Mick felt that he could relate to a ot of the symptoms. As a result he had an assessment himself and was diagnosed with both dyslexia and ADHD.

For him it was a huge relief, understanding why there are certain elements of life that he struggles with. Over the years he would jump feet first into opportunities, while avoiding things he wasn’t that interested in.

At university he completed a Business Studies degree and found that certain elements of the course just clicked. He started working in advertising and realised that he had a creative flair.

While he has a huge amount of confidence in some areas, Mick also suffers with imposter syndrome - a common feeling among the neurodiverse. 

Discussing Volker’s son’s recent dyslexia diagnosis, Mick congratulated him suggesting that in many ways this is an advantage - while dyslexia does make some tasks a challenge it also results in innovative thinking, approaching problems from an angle others wouldn’t consider. 

For example, great thinkers such as Albert Einstein, Richard Brandson and many other entrepreneurs and innovators are dyslexic. It’s important for the school to support kids with those difficulties of course, and sometimes that can be an uphill battle as Mick describes as well.

While there is evidence that many people with undiagnosed neurodiversity self-medicate with alcohol and drugs to cope with the challenges, Mick never resorted to those. He manages his neurodiversity through reading or exercising. He admits that he suffers from anxiety and takes a natural antidepressant when life is particularly challenging. 

The main thing is he has learnt to not self-criticise himself and be kinder to himself, such as organising lunch with Volker ;-) It’s about self-compassion. Btw, we had that lunch recently and it was great to see you in person (Volker).

We hope this episode draws more awareness so parents know the warning signs and symptoms to look out for.

However the main message is - if your child isn’t engaged with school, it doesn’t mean they don’t have any prospects ahead of them. They just have different strengths and talents.

If you want to get in touch with Mick, please connect with him on Linkedin or go via his website:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/mickrigby/

www.yodelmobile.com

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Secondly, we wanted to mark the fact that it’s Mental Health Awareness Week. And obviously we talk about mental health on here A LOT! 

Thirdly, David was in Portugal for a stag do, so was living the digital native dream. Recording from Home 2, the nicest co-working space David has ever used. He even had a soundproof booth to record from. Although this only helped amplify the squeaky plastic stool he was perched on, which Volker helpfully pointed out, when he heard it. 

Fourthly, this was the first episode that David had recorded since his Dad had died. David didn’t want to go into details, but it had been a very traumatic experience (that he may share in the future). However, he wanted to thank everyone who had shown support, and reached out during this period. It’s been an emotional time. 

However, while it was impossible to avoid the subject, David didn’t want this to overshadow Louise’s story, who was an incredible guest. And we’re not just saying that because her organisation sponsors the show. Louise Chunn is a prize-winning journalist and former editor of a number of magazines, including Psychologies, Good Housekeeping and InStyle. She has also written for publications ranging from The Guardian to Vogue. As a former journalist himself David wanted to hear how Louise had made the leap from journalist to digital and wellness entrepreneur. Particularlyas this had happened relatively late in her career.

After her third redundancy, as the internet overtook the traditional publishing industry, Louise realised she had to make a change. She also realised that any new career had to be digital, despite not being an early adopter of the internet. Like many great ideas, the concept for Welldoing.org came during a late-night discussion with Louise’s husband. Following Louise’s struggle to find the right therapist, when she needed one, he planted the idea of a platform that matches therapists with patients. Essentially a dating app for therapists and clients.

Louise spoke about the challenge of working with start-up boot camps. Saying that she got the opportunity to go to Silicon Valley at the age of 59 but felt like she was 109! Despite her reservations, the concept was obviously a popular one. She said the major shift in discussing mental health came when Prince William and Harry Became more open about their challenges and experiences.Louise then spoke about how middle-age throws up a number of challenges where you are facing redundancies and the deaths of friends, relatives and parents. Whilst she doesn’t believe that everyone needs to see a therapist, she said there will be times when life does get overwhelming or there may be something that has held you back from your past that you want to address but have never been able to discuss.

She said that the benefits of seeing a therapist are that it's someone you can trust, it won't go any further and you know you won’t be judged. While you have to pay for therapy, this is an important part of the process-it’s evidence that you are investing in something that’s incredibly important to you. 

David then had a rant about the reaction to Prince Harry’s book, stating that what he’d experienced even before his mother died would cause anyone trauma. Louise then said that in the last 12 months, there had been an increase in the volume of men using the site, particularly the paid-for matching service. Louise said that while the pandemic has been a factor, there were a number of reasons for people to use the service. She mentioned many of the issues that we have discussed on the podcast and the conversation turned to the pressures of social media and technology, which has its benefits but also has a very dark side. She said that it’s not only highly addictive but fosters constant comparison with others. Volker finally got the opportunity to speak. He touched on some points that Louise had mentioned, particularly how divorce can result in loneliness more for men. This is because friendship groups often revolve more around the female’s friends, so the man suddenly finds himself without a social life and male support. Volker also spoke about how suicide rates had increased in line with smartphone adoption. He also talked about how social media was everyone sharing all the positive things in their life. So the perspective is that you’re the only person whose life isn’t perfect. Louise spoke about how she became increasingly self-conscious and obsessed with social media metrics after opening a TikTok account to boost her profile. 

However, David and Louise also spoke about the benefits of Facebook which enables you to connect with people you'd lost touch with or live a great distance away. Louise said that she felt the smartphone was particularly bad as you never get a break from work. As the discussion turned to technology Volker and Louise spoke about how AI could be used to provide additional support. However, we then spoke about how everyone’s case is unique and that it’s the individuality of a human therapist that can’t be replicated.

Louise then spoke about the different ways you could use a therapist, with different approaches. She also clarified that she wasn’t a therapist herself. Louise then spoke about the different types of therapy and the theory behind them. 

If you are facing a challenging time and feel it would help to talk to a therapist (It will!) then take a look at welldoing.org.

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He now coaches and mentors other professional men and dads who are at the midway point of life - to navigate this tricky time with greater balance, purpose, and thriving relationships. He also organised a monthly dads’ hike on the Ashdown Forest in Sussex aptly called The Guild of Dads Hike.

Joe lives a great life, but at some point a few years ago he asked himself ‘is there something else I should do’? Given he is a keen student of personal development, he thought there must be more in life, and more he could do. Listening to a podcast about brotherhoods for men, he founded the Guild of Dads, getting dads together to walk in the forest, but also he offers 1-2-1 coaching for men.

He read James Hollis who suggested that the first half of life is the ego journey, where you’re driven by materialism. The second half is the soul journey, where skills and resources are different. We often take a view on success being material values and money. All that we were told is to achieve and have success, and once we do, we often end up not knowing what to do next. 

We also touch on suicide. Middle-aged men are more likely to die by suicide than any other age group. Postnatal depression, addiction and workaholism, marital problems, loneliness and losing a parent all contribute to this. There is also the post kids no man’s land, and often we put on a few pounds and we don’t look after our mental health. That goes in line with abuse of alcohol or other self-medication. 

Volker argues that time isn’t ticking down, and that if we change our lifestyle and life to 120, we are only ⅓ through our life at 40. There is some excitement about the opportunities to live longer and have more opportunities to try new things, different jobs and meet new people. Isn’t it all about perspective and purpose?

Other people seem to put their marriage on hold until the kids leave the house. That can’t be a solution. A few people hit the wall and have a re-think in terms of what priority there should be in life. Often there is just work and life, and nothing else; life is revolving around kids and that’s all there is. But we have to look at life and prioritise ourselves, and it’s not a selfish thing to do. This is one of the reasons Joe put out those walks for men to get out and invest in themselves to recharge their batteries and share their story with other men.

According to Joe “Vision + Action = Meaning” - and these things need to be done regularly by men to create meaning in their life. Whether that is to build a she in the garden or going for a walk. Life is made of a lot of small ‘meanings’. Joe, who also suffers from depression, suggests that having that formula helped him to get through slumps.

Some people go through life with no self-awareness and just get on with life, not looking left and right. They seem to be able to just carry on without being stressed, unless they seem calm on the outside and feel different on the inside. Again, their meaning and purpose is different to others, and society has a lot of input on how we see and interact with the world. 

You can find Joe on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/joe-horton-guildofdads/ or www.guildofdads.com 

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However, on that day, which was the last opportunity for David to have a coherent conversation with his Dad, following some suggestions from Steve, David got to know a few things about his father’s childhood, which helped strengthen their bond. In short, David feels that he didn’t have any unresolved issues, despite a complicated relationship with his Dad. So David will always be grateful for recording this episode at (in hindsight) such a critical time.

But enough about David - let’s learn more about Steve. Steve spent his 20’s and 30’s working flat out as a Marketing Manager in three big organisations. Aged 40 he “fixed it” with his father (who had put him in a children’s home at the age of 13, following the wishes of Steve’s stepmother) and this transformed his life. 

He followed his heart and set up his own company as a leadership coach. Since then he has worked with over 20,000 people – most of them men, in more than 100 organisations in 20 different countries. He has given Ted Talks on Understanding Men and the relationship between Fathers and Sons. 

More importantly for him, he has radically improved his relationships with his wife, his children and himself.   

His TED talk brought tears to both David’s and Volker’s eyes. We read out a part of a chapter of Steve Buddulhph’s book Manhood, You and your Father. It’s showcases the truth on how important our relationships with our dads are. Particularly the relationship of middle aged men with their parents who are now in their 70ies and up to their 90ies. Generations that found it almost impossible to talk about their emotions and feelings. Their life was about survival.

And we never learnt from our fathers how to be a father. Steve, like many people his age, worked hard, had a corporate career and tried to be a good ‘bread winner’. At weekends he went out with his mates and got drunk, but they never spoke about anything important. Their conversations never had any depths. 

Steve subsequently saw a therapist who helped him to deal with his childhood. His mum died when he was 8, and he was put in a home at the age of 13. When he started working, he was hardly around for school plays or spending time with the kids, but on holidays when he could really focus on them. And when his father in law died, he was putting work commitments over his family commitments.  

Volker had a similar experience, and believes a lot of those attitudes come from us doing what generations before us believed in: hard work and providing for the family without considerations of feelings or what would be right, e.g. putting family commitments over work commitments. However, other families show more feelings, and some countries show more emotions too. Steve thinks that countries which index high for happiness usually have higher emotional connections between generations.

Following his therapy Steve went and saw his father, reconciling things with him, understanding how he grew up and what made him the way he was when he was younger. This led him to be able to forgive his father. Since then he has had a nourishing and fantastic relationship with his father. Without him fixing it, he couldn’t have opened his own business. He had bad relationships with his work colleagues which all disappeared after he fixed it with his father.

Steve and Volker, both from a leadership coaching perspective, come across the situation quite a bit in the workplace that men have problems with (male) work colleagues, and this is often related to their relationship with their father. Particularly if the relationship is with a superior, authoritative person. And we need more leaders in the workplace.

If you want to find out more, please connect with Steve on LinkedIn or visit his website www.corebusiness.nl

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Andy’s story is that having travelled and finally settled in Spain, he began to enjoy the ex-pat lifestyle a little bit too much - spending the weekends drinking solidly and feeling like crap for the rest of the week.

As a result he was overweight and depressed and his relationship with his family was suffering.

He discovered the One Year No Beer Movement and after several hiccups has not had a drink in 4 years.

During that time he has become a lot healthier, lost loads of weight and now runs ultra marathons. During lockdown he  ran a marathon without leaving his house and has also completed the London and Valencia marathons. However his biggest achievement was a multi-day ultra-marathon across the arctic circle.

David at time of recording is on a streak of being sober, and the benefits seem to be immense. Energy, control, and better sleep. 

However, Volker loves his bottle of red on a Friday night, making homemade pizza. Since recording the episode he is trying to break the habit of ‘red wine being default’. 

As Andy pointed out, society fuels drinking alcohol. We grow up with it, the amount and drinks we are allowed as we get older. From beer to hard liquor and cocktails. However, at the end of the day it is a drug and a depressant. With alcohol free beers and now decent red wine being available, we can have fun without alcohol and still enjoy our favourite drink.

It seems that David and Andy had a different relationship to alcohol where they drank 6 pints on a Friday night, something Volker hasn’t done for many years. It’s not serving anyone to binge drink and if you have a problem stopping after a few drinks, then it is a time to evaluate whether drinking is still serving you.

The question is why we drink and whether we are in control. There are 4 C’s: Andy makes the suggestion that everyone should take a break of alcohol for 100 days to see if it still serves them and if they are in control. 

What alcohol takes away is our consistency of doing things. Self-compassion is important and with alcohol you might do things that you might regret. 

Connection is the last one, as we think alcohol is something we need to connect to people.

Recently Andy had a full health check to see what impact 4 years without alcohol had had on his body - such as lowering cholesterol.

Sadly he discovered he had prostate cancer. While that’s a massive shock, without the blood tests he wouldn’t have found out until it was possibly too late.

Because he’s caught it early the outlook is a lot more positive - although he is still facing quite a challenge. We wish Andy the best of luck and hope to have him on in season 2 to discuss his progress.

If you are interested in ‘Alcohol Free Runners’ or working with Andy as a coach, please reach out on the links above or email him: andy@alcoholfreecoaching.com

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As a fully qualified Coach and Personal Trainer, Jason now helps tens of thousands of middle aged men to live a better, healthier life through his fast growing social media fans and PT clients.

From an outside point of view Jason had a life that was to be envied. A corporate job with lots of travel, for a well known organisation. People were always excited to hear more about his work once they heard what he did.

But while he had a job and career that many would dream of, he reached a point where he realised that he was  no longer passionate about  it. He’d lost his zest for life and felt stuck and exhausted. After seeing a docter he was diagnosed with burnout and depression and prescribed antidepressants.

It was then he realised that while he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do with the second stage of his life, he knew he didn’t want to carry on the same way. 

So he began:

• Going to the gym

• Changing his diet

• Trail running

• Cut down on sugar and fats

• Swimming and tennis lessons

In the space of a few months Jason lost 20kg, reducing his Body Mass Index (BMI) from “Obese to normal”, got rid of hypertension and improved his resting heart rate and VO2 max. He had never felt this good about himself.

Jason’s motivation was about ‘the person he wanted to be’, really focusing on a clean diet and eating lots of protein.

While Jason didn’t hire a coach to help him through it, he used self taught self development practice to help him to better himself. However, he now helps others to improve their life. Whether it is weight loss or diet change, or a combination of that paired with exercise. He always knew what he needed to do, create the WHY, a Northstar to follow.

Like most busy business men, Jason realised in hindsight that he prioritised his career and the role of the “financial provider” over his relationship with his family. Jason talks about how he went on a business trip when his father had been diagnosed with cancer - “because that’s what was expected.” As Volker suggested previously, he has prioritised work over family in the past, which he regrets. 

David on the other hand, was in a lucky position where he could spend his children’s early years as a stay at home dad. That wasn’t always recognised as a thing for a ‘man to do’. Luckily expectations are changing.

Jason says that one of the many benefits of his transformation is the amazing relationship he has with his son.

We finish the podcast with a philosophical question whether 50 is halfway or not. And Jason says his best years of his life were between 50 and 53. What a statement to make! Here is to midlife. 

To find Jason online you can follow his Instagram account @Jason_new_u_coaching or you can find him on Tiktok here: https://www.tiktok.com/@fit_in_midlife. Jason’s website is www.new-u-coaching.com

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After spending time as an investor, he realised that  many of the frustrations he felt as a founder were also true as an investor and start-up advisor. There was a distinct lack of diversity and accessibility in investment opportunities for start-ups. All the same types of deals were going to the same group of investors - stifling innovation for both the founders and potential investors.

So he founded Connectd.

What we wanted to talk about today was his journey to becoming a 2x founder whilst having dyslexia and ADHD.

The power behind neurodivergent founders is that they build workplaces that understand that people’s brains work differently, and the power behind neurodivergent team members is the diversity of thought. 

He suggested that ADHD can give you a competitive edge when being a founder, as long as you can use the part that is hyper focused to your advantage. People just think people with ADHD can’t sit still but that isn’t true. 

Reoi was diagnosed with dyslexia at the age of 6. After the ADHD diagnosis he went on medication, just to get through the education system. However, Roei really enjoys studying, and wanted to become a diplomat, until he realised he wasn’t very diplomatic 🙂

He never thought that he would get a job in a traditional structure, and his dad was very similar, not fitting into those structures and looked for new things to do all the time. Often ADHD isn’t diagnosed and David has been waiting for 5 and a half years (at the time of recording) to get an official diagnosis via the NHS. 

Reoi started running bus trips for international students at uni, and he started podcasting and had a ton of energy to get things off the ground. Roei then started RealSport to share content on social media. 

To stay on top of things, Roei needed a really good COO, someone who is organised and structured to fill in the blindspots his condition creates. The key is to create optimal situations based on the things he can control. Building routines, habits and having tools that work and help him. Mindfulness is a key thing as it helps to focus on one thing at a time. For him it’s all about getting up at 5 am, coffee, not drinking alcohol, avoiding sugar and high processed foods. But also having a good night’s sleep is a building block for good mental health. 

Again we talked about not drinking alcohol, and the improvement on sleep as well as a higher tolerance to stress. It actually helps Roei to be more focused. When it comes to networking, he finds it difficult to not drink in social environments, relationships that revolve around a drink. Yet it is for a selfish reason to not drink, and it’s important to be true to one’s own values and convictions. 

Roei’s morning routine is all about getting up early, exercising, commuting to work and being at his desk for 8:30 in order to get on top of his todo list. Nothing like ticking a few boxes early in the morning and being ready for the day. When it comes to 9 am, then there are whats app messages coming in, slack etc.

Discipline is key for Roei, whether you take cold showers, or abstaining from alcohol or working through your emails. 

A fascinating insight on how to be successful as a neurodivergent founder. Thanks again for being our guest.

You can reach out to Reoi via www.connectd.co or Linkedin.

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When we started the podcast, the goal was to raise awareness of topics that men are embarrassed to speak about. Erectile Dysfunction is definitely one of those topics.

Andy Barham was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Thankfully he caught it early and beat it after having his prostate removed.

However one of the side effects of the operation was erectile dysfunction. While this is a common side effect in the early stages of recovery, Andy found that months went by without getting back to normal. 

After trying traditional ED medicine (the “blue pills”) he then progressively had to try more extreme methods to get an erection. The only thing that worked was self-administered injections into the penis.

Understandably, this wasn’t very practical. As he explains, there was no spontaneity with injections - you had to plan well ahead. Andy persevered with this, and has an understanding wife (who is a nurse), however he said that this wouldn’t be an option for someone who was dating.

He also described one particular evening when, after a few drinks, he and his wife felt frisky. However, due to his alcohol intake, his aim was slightly off and ended up injecting his thumb…

Andy then began researching erectile implants. As an engineer by training, Volker was highly interested in the mechanics of the implant, which Andy was more than happy to explain.

The way it works is that you have a third testical or marble sized lump, which pumps a liquid from a reservoir in your abdomen to the implant. Andy says this enables him and his wife to have more spontaneity. 

Andy can now last longer, and he would still get an orgasm (although the removal of his prostate means he doesn’t ejaculate). From his opinion it is even more intense, because you last longer, similar to wearing a condom. 

David was interested to hear about the psychological aspect of “not being able to perform.” Andy admitted that he had gotten very depressed, which wasn’t something he’d experienced before, even though he had gone through the stress of a marriage break up and other life stresses in the past.

Andy said that a major factor in getting through this process was the support and understanding of his wife.

However it was a slow process, trying different things (each one more extreme than the last) to get an erection. Countless hours of doctor visits, trying new medications and pumps, giving feedback, trying something new. 

Nothing prior to this ever pushed him over the edge, and it just shows how much pressure a non-functional ‘friend’ can put on a man! 

Whilst it wasn’t uncommon, 1 in 10 people who get their prostate removed, will get erectile dysfunction. However, as it was pointed out, if you are stressed and anxious, it is totally common for men not to be able to perform. And many men we spoke to, have a stash of those little blue pills ‘just in case’ to help them. The more people you speak to, more men admit that they have experience using them. 

Once you turn 70, 70% of men have problems with erections. During your 40ies we are looking at 5%. So the older you get, the more likely the “little chap” might need some assistance. 

Thankfully, as Andy has discovered there are a range of solutions that help you with it, whether it is the little blue pill, therapy if it is related to stress and anxiety or an implant.

We discussed how men just don’t ‘feel like a man’ if they cannot have sex, and there is a social expectation that you have to have sex on a regular basis. And most couples would, as the average amount of sex is weekly or more. However, if some couples don’t have sex every week, there are others that have sex a lot more often. 

We also discussed how it’s also a common expectation that men “are always up for it” which may not be true as we get older.

If you want to find out more about Andy, please reach out to him on LinkedIn or his Coloplast Patient Educator site. He likes helping others in a similar situation. His Book ‘You can stick that up your arse’ can be found on Amazon.

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He was always scared as a kid growing up, never felt safe, never felt any sense of consistency and never felt loved. As a result of all of this he started using food to comfort him from a very young age, which then progressed to drugs and booze before his teens.

Suicide attempts, anorexia, bulimia, living an unhealthy life, ending up going from overweight to underweight.

Beau then became a compulsory exerciser and . Depression, anxiety, ADHD, addiction. In 2016 he started treatment, therapy and support to tackle his addiction issues as well as depression, anxiety and ADHD.

In lockdown he started cycling, first to help the vulnerable, then to help his mental health.

Beau starts by telling his story what body dysmorphia actually means. This is something David or Volker haven’t heard about, and I am sure not many of you either. The best way to explain it is going in one of the fairground mirror rooms, and one day you feel bigger, the other day slimmer. 

Whilst we often associate eating disorders with women, Beau didn’t find out that he suffered from body dysmorphia until he went into therapy. By sharing his story he makes sure that he doesn’t suffer in silence and other people don’t suffer in silence either. It comes back to our motto on the podcast that men need to talk more about what they do and what they suffer from. It doesn’t work for us to go into our cave every now and then and thinking it is all going to go away.

Beau’s enthusiasm went further during lockdown when he started delivering food to underprivileged people and started cycling a lot more. That led to him founding a group of men to cycle together, https://dadbodcyclist.com/. There will be more content on his website shortly, but for now you can sign up to his newsletter or follow him on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dadbod_cyclist/

He organises Sunday brunches for men, cycling laps around Richmond Park, and you can find him on Strava and everyone is welcome. The EveryBODY ride.

Beau has suffered many addictions which stems from his childhood trauma. It subsequently led to different therapies, including EMDR Therapy, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy. Over the years he has tried a lot until he came to understand the ‘why’ he is doing things and what his purpose is in life. Even cycling turned a bit into an addiction, particularly during lockdown, reminding him of his childhood experience surfing in the USA. It’s about being in the zone.

His journey continues to get more people on bikes and talk about men’s mental health. An initiative that is very much aligned to Man Up / Man Down, and hopefully we will be able to do some events together in the future.

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Volker had been on a social media detox for a few weeks at time of recording. However, he went back to ‘stalking’ others and finds it rather boring now to scroll other people’s images and show offs, if deliberate or not. At time of recording he said he might never go back on social media the way he used to. Scrolling Tiktok mindlessly, wasting time watching reels on Facebook or Instagram. An article recently highlights the negative effects of social media on mental health. 

David likes the groups on Facebook where he made friends. And that’s where Facebook adds a lot of value connecting like minded people. Whether it is the local selling group or the Jaguar fan page. 

However, the science shows that on social media we talk about ourselves 80% of the time however, in real life, during discussions we talk about ourselves 30-40% of the time. 

David mentioned the Slipknot singer who has recognised his social media addiction is as bad as his former addiction to drugs and alcohol.

This is because we build muscle memory and habit so easily - the mindless loop of constantly checking your phone. The content never stops and you need to realise that you can never catch up on all the content. That’s true for LinkedIn these days too, and again LinkedIn also showcases all the successes, and business wins too. 

Every parent has a Whatsapp group for football, classes, tutor groups or friends. The challenge with WhatsApp is that most people don’t know that they can turn off the read notifications, giving the sender no indication whether you have read the message or not. This puts less pressure on the receiver to respond, but the instant gratification and demand is horrendous. Some people however are really good at ignoring Whatsapp messages.

Volker has turned off notifications for emails and social media for a long time. There are only a few apps allowed to send him a notification, as he wants to be in control. Despite the lack of notifications, Volker is notorious for constantly checking Slack and is the first to respond to new threads as he is still checking it all the time.

We speak about Molly Russell, who committed suicide. While her suicide might have not been prevented, it highlights how social media algorithms can target all of us with unhealthy content. Coming from a technology background, we feel there should be an easy solution to show “healthy” or helpful content (such as ads for Samaritans). But the greed and money made by the technology giants is greater than the need to help people. That’s how it seems to us anyway.

Evidence shows that there has been a correlation between increased depression and anxiety in teens, since the rise of the smartphone. Sadly this has also resulted in an increase in suicides. 

We discussed how social media leads you to compare yourself to others. However, this is not a true reflection of life. It doesn’t matter which social network you’re in, people rarely share a post that a project fell through or they are in financial troubles. You portray the positive side of things, and you brag about your wins. It’s a matter of how you share your success, and Volker spent 5 years interviewing people on Success on his former podcast Stories of Success.

And we need to consider that a lot of success comes with sacrifices, from divorce to hard work etc. It’s about balance, and we can not see how people got to their success. The pictures you share are happy pictures, yet how often do you share a sad picture or story? 

There was a story of the Crying CEO on Linkedin which went viral, and people had an opinion whether he was sincere or not. What’s your thoughts on that? David also mentioned how the war in Ukraine is used for social media attention whilst you can do good without posting on social media.

We also touched on Twitter, which was Volker’s go to social media tool but he fell out of love with it. David used to be very active there too. We shall see how Twitter changes once Elon Musk takes over. And what would have happened if Twitter had bought Instagram. Touching on Clubhouse, there was a hype for a while and both David and I seem to feel middle aged.

Another huge challenge on social media is fact checking. Fake news, and who is actually fact checking everything that they see and read on social media? And what’s the future of social media? Will we all wear VR headsets and talk to each other in the metaverse? Bodysuits? Web3.0? Or does our brain live in some sort of glass jar whilst we can be transferred into a body?

The data Facebook has is crazy, with them being able to predict divorces or break-ups. Volker and David discuss the case back in 2012 where US store Target sent vouchers for maternity products to a teenage girl.

It turns out that through data based on previous searches/purchases, Target had worked out she was pregnant before she or the family had.

What is your relationship with Social Media?

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Similar to Volker, William started drinking and smoking when he was 14 years old which escalated during his military and law career. But why would you give up drinking if it’s the last vice to hang on to, Volker wondered. However, after reading William’s book, Volker has started to question why would you continue drinking?

William takes a very pragmatic approach in his book and strips away all the myths around alcohol and urges us to ask the question: is alcohol a pleasure and is it serving you?

87% of the population drinks and seems to find it totally normal to consume this drug. Yet, while we should be able to enjoy events, such as Christmas or a birthday, without a drug, many of us don’t or can’t. 

We discussed how we would define someone being an alcoholic. Is it someone who needs a drink first thing in the morning or someone who needs a good bender at the weekend? Most people can enjoy alcohol without getting addicted. However you don’t need to be addicted for it to do your body harm,

The physiological effect of alcohol, which is a sedative and a depressant, results in numbing your nerves.  It’s a balancing act for the body to keep up a balance of hormones and chemicals which is called homeostasis  - but if you introduce alcohol to the body, the balance is out of kilter. When you consume alcohol, the body releases stress hormones. 

And if the alcohol wears off, an oversensitivity of the nervous system remains for a period, creating anxiety. You can either wait until the body stabilises itself again, or you have another drink to numb the imbalance….a vicious cycle, creating craving.

Sweating out the alcohol in the gym the next morning doesn’t work. You might feel better after exercising, but that’s because of the hormones released due to exercising, not because you sweat out alcohol. The challenge is that your heart rate is increased after drinking alcohol. Your body’s natural reaction would be to sit down and rest. Instead we go to the gym and increase the heart rate and body temperature, putting more strain and stress on the body. You are actually damaging your body.

Volker can still do a bottle of red at night, but as he mentioned, a nurse told him years ago, that even if you don’t notice the effects as much, it still affects the way you sleep or does damage to your internal organs. It’s physical as well as mental damage that is caused to your body. Not getting good sleep, e.g. deep sleep, or having reduced REM sleep due to alcohol consumption, our brain cannot dream and process things as well. Usually this kicks in about 5 hours after going to sleep, we have an over sensitisation, and therefore we stop sleeping well for the remainder of the night.

David talked about rewards being handed out at charity events being alcohol, despite alcohol being classified as harmful as cigarette smoking or asbestos. William also elaborates on his alcohol problem with him calling in sick on Mondays and sometimes Mondays and Tuesdays. As he was very efficient at his work, he caught up the other days of the week, so never got into trouble. There are many, if not all professions, that drink. And success is often associated with a cigar and a whiskey, treating oneself.

It’s good to see the arrival of alcohol free in pubs and its acceptance, however Volker is missing an alternative for his vice: red wine. Particularly when he puts it into perspective with other things like ‘the armchair’ or ‘the fire’. All of those situations should be enjoyable without alcohol. If we start thinking about it, how can we really be in the moment with our mates or in front of the fire, when drinking alcohol.

To really give up alcohol, we need to change the perception of alcohol. And it takes us a while to get used to alcohol when we first start drinking. So the big question for us remains, does alcohol actually serve us?

If you want to find out more about William Porter, please check out his book Alcohol Explained on Amazon. You also find his other books there.

You can go to his website, www.alcoholexplained.com, where you can read some of the chapters for free.

Did this episode make you think? Did it inspire you to give up alcohol?

What do you think about your alcohol consumption?

Let us know!

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Volker loves getting up at 5 am. It’s quiet and he has a morning routine which includes exercises and meditation. But he has to be in bed between 9 and 10 pm, in order to get a good 7 hours of sleep. Plus, he loves a 10-20 minutes nap at lunch time. Particularly when he had a busy morning, the nap resets his brain and he functions better post nap. He trained himself to take naps during his university days, working as a warden in halls of residence. It also helped him to get a better degree. Weekends could see longer naps, but usually not more time in bed. Maybe a sauna and gym session and a nap in front of the fire, a real treat.  Another  treat is for him to meditate in bed when he wakes up early, and he can then go back to sleep for a while, being fully relaxed.

Nick Littlehayes became a sleep researcher and consultant for Manchester United and the Sky cycling team, helping athletes to sleep better. The more sunlight we get during the day the better we sleep as our body produces a lot more melatonin. He further talks about daylight saving time leading to seasonal disorders. Before we had electricity and light, we naturally got more rest,  because we couldn’t do anything else at a certain time of the evening.

Volker uses a daylight light to counteract seasonal disorder. Speaking about how things changed, Volker quotes how he grew up in Germany and it was common to have a 1-3 pm ‘siesta’ or ‘Mittagsruhe’ and shops closed at that period of time. We also mentioned Tim Ferris’ experiment from his ‘4 hour body week’ book, where he reduced his sleep to 8 x 20 minutes a day. Healthy or not, we only need a certain amount, but it has to be at the right time, and right intensity.

The days of burning the candle on both ends are over. It’s not a sustainable way of living, to only sleep 2-3 hours a night. In Psychology Today the CIA is described as using sleep deprivation to get people to talk. The results were hallucination, problems with speaking, and concentration. Tests on animals resulted in death.

Poor judgement is another cause of sleep deprivation. We all know the phrase ‘to sleep on a decision’ - but we are rushing in today’s world and don’t want to take our time and take regular breaks. You must take breaks in order to avoid burnouts and be able to function properly, being more productive than working without breaks (Book recommendation: Tony Schwartz, The way we are working isn’t working).

There is talk about creating ‘sleep rooms’ rather than mixing bedrooms with other activities, e.g. sex, or sharing a bedroom with someone else. Interestingly enough, in Germany every person has their own mattress and blankets, so there is actually less interference from the partner in your sleep cycle. How efficient is that?

If you have a wank, you can also go back to sleep if you wake up in the middle of the night. It’s a relaxation method, similar to a body scan meditation or just a transcendental meditation session. David did the research on the wanking, and an orgasm does release a few chemicals that help you sleep. Volker’s old piano teacher used to have a few whiskeys before bed to make him sleep better. Whatever works for you.

The problem is that a drink before bed might result in worse sleep. If you can’t sleep, you can also just rest, have a tired day, and go to bed earlier that night. And the reason to go to bed early is not to make up for the sleep you missed, but to give the body time to relax and the body will give itself more deep sleep, and more deeper recovery. Volker is obsessed with his Garmin and its functionality to measure sleep. His sleeping app he used previously to have a Garmin now has sleep data for about 7-8 years. It’s fascinating to see the trend.

David mentioned Orthosomnia - when someone gets obsessed with sleep data🙂 Maybe we are, but the easy stuff is: despite us knowing that we shouldn’t drink before we go to bed, or sleep bad in new places, we go on holidays to relax and eat and drink too much, having bad night sleep in a bed we aren’t used to. Do cooling blankets work? Or pillow spray? There is probably not much we haven’t tried.

Nick has 7 KSRIs, (key sleep recovery indicators).

1. Arcadian rhythms
2. Chrono Type, with 30% being night owls and 30% are early risers
3. Recovery in Cycles
4. Pre- and Post routines
5. Activity and recovery in balance
6. Recovery Environment
7. Home and Away Sleepkit

Since Volker gave up caffeine, and David did recently as well, this has had a positive impact on sleep as well. If you get too used to coffee, as Volker used to be, he could have a coffee before going to bed, as the caffeine just wore off so quickly.

Let us know how sleep affects you. How many hours do you get?

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She has over 22 years’ experience in the advertising, media & AdTech industry. From building start-ups to working in large organisations, she has worked and partied hard like many people in the media industry.

However, in 2014, she suffered severe physical and mental burnout. She had no wellbeing practice beyond extreme exercise and dirty martinis. She did not believe that meditation and therapy were for her.

However, burnout led her to learn Transcendental Meditation,  study Mindfulness & Breath-work and to become a Neuro Linguistic Programming & Reiki Practitioner. She is 4 years sober and it's fair to say the impact of her daily practises and purpose has been profound and life changing!

Her company Moment Company looks at how people turn up in life, at work and how we can be better people in our society. Running workshops, 1-2-1 coaching and mindfulness training are just a few things they do. Their product Moment Pebble helps to reduce stress and anxiety through a guided breathing exercise. Mindfulness is all about being focused on one thing at a time. 

We discussed how technology can be counterproductive for us, as it reminds us to meditate or take a breathing space. We are constantly picking up our phone, and get reminded about being mindful. And without technology or a meditation app, we cannot function. Which is massively counter-productive! How can we be stressed that we had a bad sleep according to an app rather than how we feel?

Technology only tells you what it measures but doesn’t understand how you feel. At the time of recording Volker was worried about turning off his phone on a retreat he went to. However, it turned out to be a relief to not be connected, and to be able to turn ‘off’ for a weekend. 

We experience 3,000 emotions and the more we practise mindfulness, the better we know how our body feels. And the body mind connection is important for us to understand ourselves and the control we have over our emotions.

Fiona also talked about her burn-out and how her time in the adtech industry led her to abuse alcohol and other substances to cover the stress she was feeling from work. Her body gave in eventually and her mind slowed down. It took her 8 weeks to recover and she quit the corporate world. She went from wanting to be the only woman in the boardroom to focusing inward.

We touched on the topic of how society is so alcohol focused in the UK, which means that people that drink a bit too much, get away with it or might not be noticed. As always, if you have any problems with alcohol, please seek appropriate help. 

In our discussion we touch on the change work life has taken. We are always connected and always online, we never finish and don’t take a pause. However, we have a choice of how to react to change and work in our life. Our body takes 90 seconds to react to stress for instance. After that, it’s our mind telling us we are still in “physical danger”, so our mind is convincing our body that we still need the flight of fight stimulus, even though “the danger” has passed. If we feel stressed, then this reaction is repeated. 

Also, 95% of our thoughts are the same as yesterday and 80% of those are negative. The (negative) storytelling mind needs reframing. Fiona recommended a daily gratitude journal. It’s about focusing on the bright sparks in your life, the positive aspects.

Sometimes it helps to put life into perspective. Whether it is the sea, the moon or nature in general. Whatever works for you, but finding your ‘happy place’ that gives you grounding and perspective is super important. Community is important and ‘magic’.

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Without his mindfulness practice, Volker thinks he has been able to better cope with challenges throughout his life, such as multiple redundancies. 

The difference between mindfulness and meditation is simple. Mindfulness is about being present in the moment. Buddhism principles are split in gratitude, self-awareness, compassion and mindfulness. Those are expressed through selflessness, generosity, moral conduct, patience, perseverance, strong effort and meditation. Therefore, you could argue meditation is just a tool to be more mindful, helping you to be in the moment and be more aware of yourself, giving thanks.

We discussed how we do so many things on autopilot. Eating is a good example where we just speed eat and try to ‘get it done’, rather than slowing down and enjoying the food, taste the different flavours and enjoy each moment. At time of recording David and Volker both subscribed to a course where they slowed the fork down.

Volker suggests that anyone should have a gratitude journal, sitting down once a day to focus on the bright sparks, the positive things in one’s life. Pascal Finette talked about that in his first episode on Volker’s former podcast, Stories of Success.

There are two major forms of meditation: focus meditation and transcendental meditation. Volker practises both and sets aside at least 20 minutes a day for meditation. There are a number of benefits to meditation, for example if you can’t sleep at night, you can meditate and go back to sleep. 

Another go-to meditation is the 3 step breathing space, which you can find on Soundcloud. Also, Insight Timer has a lot of free meditations, so no need to buy a subscription straight away.

David has been meditating on and off for a while, and it helps him to keep his anxiety in check. There is no need to start off with 20 minutes. As long as you start somewhere, with a minute, then 2 or 3 minutes and eventually you can expand to 20 minutes or longer. 

The important thing is that it works for you, and the more you can bake it into your daily routine, the more likely you are to stick to it. And, if your meditation is more about cycling or running, so be it. 

Volker also tries to go on retreats regularly. Mindfulness can also help with depression, there is a course called ‘MBCT’, mindfulness based cognitive therapy, which was invented by Mark Williams. Mark actually wrote the course Volker teaches, and the book that goes with it is called ‘Mindfulness, a practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world’. 

Volker also talks about MBSR, the mindfulness based stress reduction course, is a course invented by John Kabat-Zinn, and it’s a great course to take in order to start becoming familiar with how mindfulness can help to reduce stress.

David discusses research that suggests mindfulness shrinks the amygdala (the part of the brain that causes the “fight or flight response) and strengthens the hippocampus (“the control centre”) which helps you make better decisions under stress.

We discussed the storytelling mind, and how your monkey brain keeps telling you a mostly negative story. We worry a lot about things we cannot control. Hence, meditation helps you to stay calm and focus on the things that you can control, and how you can control your monkey brain. You start worrying less, and you bring more of a balance to your life.

Talking about Viktor Frankl and his theory of ‘between stimulus and response is a gap’, a gap that you can use to actually stop our urge of our autopilot reaction. But we have a choice, we always have a choice and make decisions and jump to conclusions without thinking properly about it. George Mumford, author of the ‘Mindful Athlete’, calls it the ‘eye of the storm’ where you have peace and quiet to be still and decide what you want to do.

Volker’s passion is to get more people into mindfulness and make this world a better place!

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Our first female guest, and the first guest of 2023, is Lurata Lyon.. Many of us start the new year, with the goal of getting healthier and fitter. So we invited Lurata along to talk about nutrition and give us hands on tips.

However she also gave us a lesson in resilience, gratitude and strength of human spirit. 

As a survivor of civil war in the former Yugoslavia, Lurata endured the trauma of being held captive, starved, tortured and abused. Eventually escaping to the United Kingdom, she had to retrain herself to eat properly. She worked hard to educate herself and is now a qualified personal trainer and nutritionist. 

Working with charities to tell her story, she is now also a motivational speaker and written a book about her journey - “Unbroken” - which comes out soon.

Our conversation largely centred around how we should treat our bodies when we reach  middle age. How do we best fuel our bodies? How can we reduce or avoid the dreaded beer bellies?

A lot for her is about the mindset, e.g. do you go to the gym to build muscle and lose weight or is it about having fun and getting fit? Are you manly enough, having enough muscles? How can you use language differently to make a difference? 

In short, the focus should be using exercise  and diet to feel good, with weight loss a side benefit.

Food is so important to compliment a good exercise regime. She explains how we cannot function without carbohydrates or protein. The combination of both is important, and to calculate how many calories you have eaten to understand how much you eat and which food carries how many calories. 

And even small amounts of exercise like 30 or 45 minutes are enough to go to the gym. But with anything, it’s fine to have ‘bad food’ in moderation, like bread or even alcohol. The quality of food is important.

Even Lurata advised us to let our hair down and enjoy ourselves every now and then. We spoke about salad, and she said if you only eat salad you wouldn’t get all the nutrients the brain and body needs. The brain needs carbs and fat to function.

Regarding supplements, Lurata suggests magnesium but also predominantly black seed oil. On our episode on nutrition, David and Volker spoke about their various supplements at length. 

After the age of 30, we lose muscle mass and it is our job to maintain muscle mass. Small changes, e.g. taking the stairs instead of taking the lift, will help you to grow and maintain muscles. Being active is key to a long and healthy life.

Drinking is another topic in terms of ‘empty calories’, as beer and wine contain a lot of calories. Unfortunately, we often want to eat with booze, as it increases our appetite because it contains so much sugar. As Lurata suggests we can go for it but then be more reasonable on other days. Again, it is all about the right balance, and building the right habits. She also gave us some hints on intermittent fasting.

Unfortunately we had to cut it short, as we ran out of time. Maybe we will get Lurata in again sometime soon.

You can find out more about Lurata on her website or contact her via LinkedIn.

As always, please let us know what you think and reach out with any guests we should get on to deep dive into this topic?  Any feedback is appreciated, just email podcast@manupdown.com 

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Have a great Christmas and holiday season, and a Happy New Year!

David and Volker

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Poor mental health costs the British Economy £118bn a year, according to LSE. And the Financial Times is warning that we’re heading for a Mental Health Recession, with support phonelines, provided by employers in the private sector, being swamped. 

However, according to Deloitte, there is not enough investment in mental health, to combat the impact of the pandemic. 

Are we all doomed?

We discuss our history of employment and whether a full time, PAYE, job is more secure than a freelancer job. The bigger question however is, whether we will still have a job in 10 or 20 years time. 

As we get to midlife, we should have job security, psychological safety and should not have to worry if our skillset is still relevant in a few years time. If you’re a freelancer, does it make sense to go back to a full time job to tick more boxes on a CV - and is a CV still the right document to demonstrate your expertise?

And how have things changed since the pandemic? We are working longer, the employer gets more time from us, yet we have less of a commute. With us working longer hours, we are more prone to stress and burn-out. Not like other countries, with us being able to go shopping every day, and not having a rest day like a Sunday, we seem to be in this hamster wheel all the time.

We touch on productivity, e.g. notification, different tools we use trying to connect people, and trying to find the perfect solution. And the question is whether we are too old to keep up with new technology and processes, or  are we trying too hard to stay relevant? And as a freelancer, do we want to be part of the team, or stay on the outside?

As Matthew Knight said, in the future we might all be freelancers, but at the very least there will be a more dispersed workforce - possibly with us all working with Meta headsets. Or we work in co-working spaces closer to home, just for company and mental health support for that matter.

What do you think? Please let us know what you think of the future of work. We will have more guests on this topic in 2023 and are open for more experts on this topic.

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The support is for anything from mental health to tax questions, IR35 and technology. A community that understands the challenges all freelancers have, they ‘just get it’. It’s sometimes a bit like a virtual water cooler where you can meet and discuss almost anything.

With the pandemic, at least in Volker’s mind, the community grew closer together, and the peer support got even stronger. 

One topic we discussed was about coworking space and the new way of working. Freelancers are often working from home and don’t have the community of the office. Hence finding like minded people to work together can be a huge benefit to your mental health or might just get you out to bounce ideas off someone.

Volker enjoys the daily chats and being able to support with advice but also gaining advice from other like minded people. His most enjoyable interactions are the ones on days when no one else is working, like a Sunday morning. There is always someone who offers you a virtual cuppa.

Leapers was founded prior to the pandemic, when flexible working and working from home became commonplace. Matthew is a thought leader, challenging the traditional models of working and presenting our work to companies. The Leapers community (hosted on a slack channel), now has many thousands members. This allows members to openly share their vulnerability and be open about the common challenges they face - whether that's needing emotional support, a pep talk or the opportunity to vent about clients not paying on time. In short, it’s a safe place.

Matthew had two reasons to focus on mental health support. The first was that there were no support groups for freelancers, and there was a hussle culture around entrepreneurship, about working 80 hours a week. The second reason was that he had been struggling with mental health himself.

Research shows two thirds of freelancers don’t know where to find support when struggling with bad mental health. To be honest, we believe even ‘companies’ don’t have the right support yet, and we would argue Leapers offers a better, free of charge, support for freelancers than many companies do for their employees. Now imagine how things were like 5 or even 10 years ago. 

Deloitte’s report on mental health at work highlights the impact mental health has on work, including stats for ROI and money lost to businesses. We cover that in a later episode in greater detail. Isn’t it sad that only when we put a money value on something that corporations pay attention to it. Is that how life should be? Isn’t that one of the reasons why so many people quit their jobs and go freelance?

One of the challenges of freelancing is that you never really get any downtime. You constantly worry about taking time off, as you need to earn money, or you look for your next project. There are a few habits you need to unlearn when coming out of full time employment. 

Matthew used the example of comparing a freelancer to a laptop: If you don’t recharge your laptop overnight, don’t upgrade the software and look after the machine, you aren’t able to work the next day. There are no sick days, or if there are, they aren’t paid. And with freelancers looking after themselves better, looking after their mental health in particular, you could argue they are more self-aware and more resilient. 

We also touch on whether older, middle aged, freelancers should seek paid employment again for security and support. On average self-employed people are about 10-15% happier (net-happiness), e.g. the wins are all yours and the failures are all yours too. Correlation and causation is a tricky one when we look at self-employed and mental health; there are a lot of people going into self-employment because of mental health issues. 

As you get older, particularly as a man, it gets harder. Men have more issues with being open and vulnerable, and isolation increases. Their sense of identity can dwindle a little bit, and their support network might decrease too. Suicide rates for men at a certain age are higher than for any other age group. One reason we started the podcast, to openly talk about the vulnerability of men and how we can counteract it by building a support network.

Matthew believes that the way we are working in the future will be more fluid, e.g. we fluidly go from self-employed to employed to part time. As work becomes more flexible Mtthew believes the focus will not be on the employment status but on the work we can deliver, coming back to us all being treated as humans rather than merely “workers”.

You can find Matthew on Linkedin or on Think Play Make you find his latest projects and articles he wrote. As a freelancer or self-employed, feel free to join Leapers.

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David has been researching it for over 8 years, and he isn’t satisfied that he doesn't know everything about the subject yet which is a trait of people with adult autism. Neurodiversity is the umbrella term, with autism, ADHD or OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) being forms of it. The main “symptoms” are either to have difficulties concentrating or hyperactivity and impulsiveness. The naughty schoolboy comes to mind.

Looking at a list of signs of autism, Volker discovers that some of those are very common. So how do we differentiate between being autistic and being “normal” (whatever normal means).

• Finding it hard to understand what others are thinking or feeling
• Getting very anxious about social situations
• Finding it hard to make friends or preferring to be on your own
• Seeming blunt, rude or not interested in others without meaning to
• Finding it hard to say how you feel
• Taking things very literally – for example, you may not understand sarcasm or phrases like "break a leg"
• Having the same routine every day and getting very anxious if it changes
• Not understanding social "rules", such as not talking over people
• Avoiding eye contact
• Getting too close to other people, or getting very upset if someone touches or gets too close to you
• Noticing small details, patterns, smells or sounds that others do not
• Having a very keen interest in certain subjects or activities
• Liking to plan things carefully before doing them

David says that when the above causes disruption and real anxiety in your life is what differentiates neurodiversity from being “normal”. Or as one of the leading experts in autism puts it “The key question is: are autistic characteristics interfering with your ability to function?”.

David describes in detail how he plans any social setting and how he gets the storytelling mind, asking ‘what if that happens or that’. There is a constant commentary that he finds difficult to turn off. 

Or he hyperfocuses on one thing that distracts him from getting on with his day - for example, waiting to get an email about a confirmed work project can stop him from getting on with the work he already has!

He further describes how tired he is and how exhausting this constant ‘nagging’ can be, he is comparing it to swimming with an anchor. This sometimes makes it difficult to deal with his children and family and friends sometimes. Anything unplanned, even pleasant surprises, can be difficult to cope with. He also describes a constant feeling of being on edge and finding it difficult to cope. Alcohol, which we spoke about, does help in social settings in order to get over the initial limitations of being social. But that can’t be the solution.

David also suffers with depression, having anxiety about how good things are that he produced. This includes the podcast, and where he procrastinates in terms of reviewing the podcast and the shownotes. 

Despite his challenges, he puts his life into perspective, making sure he stays positive and has goals to aspire to. Alistair Campell, who we would love to have on the podcast, sees depression as a scale from 0-10; “0” “I will kill myself” and 10 being “I am on the top of the world”. However he takes the view that he won’t ever allow himself to get to zero and is unlikely to ever reach a 10 (despite having orchestrated one of the biggest election wins in UK history).

Diagnosis of autism has jumped by almost 800% in the last two decades. This article just shows how the awareness has increased while the median age has gone up. In short we are seeing more diagnosis of older people. David believes this is because if you were doing “ok” at school, you’d fly under the radar and weren’t showing behavioural causes for concern.

However as there is growing awareness of symptoms, and diagnoses of high profile celebrities, more people are seeking answers.

David mentions that he first began learning about autism when he studied psychology at college. He then noticed certain behaviours in family members that he felt were typical of autism. Which then led his partner to say “but that’s exactly how you react in those situations”...

There is no cure or medication for ASD (although there is for ADHD, if you can afford private treatment or are patient enough to wait several years for diagnosis on the NHS). 

However David has found a regular mindfulness practice helps when he has periods of overwhelm.

As always, please let us know what you think and reach out with any guests we should get on to deep dive into this topic? Have you been affected by ADHD, share your experience and get in touch!

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And we’re not alone. In 2010/11, 22% of UK households were dog owners, which remained stable until 2020/21, when it jumped to 33%. Similar levels of increase were seen in the dog population – since 2010 it's increased from 7.6m to 12.5m today.

The share of households owning a pet in the UK remained relatively stable between 2011/12 and 2019/20, hovering around 45%; however, this changed significantly during the pandemic, which saw a rise to an unprecedented high of 59% in 2020/21.

So what is it about “man’s best friend” (a phrase that was coined during a US court case)?

A 2020 survey asked dog owners to state their reasons for owning a dog and all linked their ownership to either improving their happiness and/or providing companionship. 

Happiness was the most common response, with 51% stating ‘because they make me happy’; 47% said their dogs provided ‘love/affection’ and 35% stated their dogs provided ‘companionship’.

We recorded this episode during a hot spell in the UK, which has been causing sleep issues. David talks about how lack of sleep creates anxiety, and gets your head racing. 

Yet, having a puppy, like a baby, you have to be there 24 hours and get up at night if they need to get out. But as David suggested, it’s a good reason to go out for a walk.

Volker talks about his 5 am routine, and how it works for him to regularly get his run and exercise programme done, no matter how many beers he had in the evening. But back to the four legged friends…

A puppy or dog provides not only companionship but also helps with your mental health. A dog, not like a cat, will always want to please you. Why do people get dogs or cats? 

Research shows that: they are best friends, provide companionship, fight loneliness and improve mental health. However, as David pointed out, his mental health actually got worse for the first few months of dog ownership, which isn’t something that dog owners talk about.

However, something David has struggled with is the increased interaction with humans! David loves a walk but often finds himself forced into conversations with other dog owners when he’s out for some peace and quiet.

Here are a few more stats we discuss:

1. On average, dog owners walk 22 more minutes per day compared to people without dogs.
2. A Lintbells survey reported that UK dog owners walk an average of 21 miles a week.
3. Dog owners are more likely to meet physical activity guidelines than people without a dog.
4. A 2021 study affirms that dog walking can have a positive impact on a human’s mental health.
5. 93% of British dog owners wish they walked their dogs more often.

The statistics speak for themselves -  if you want to get a dog, you need to consider the time you have to spend with it. Getting a puppy isn’t, for want of a better phrase, just a walk in the park.

While a lot of pressure comes from the children to get a dog but they don’t support you as much as they say they would. Whether it is picking up poo or going for walks, we all know children quickly lose interest in the day to day care.

After Volker’s building work was done, his garden never really recovered, so he got artificial grass to make it easier for the dog to do his business. If the dog has the runs, you can just hose down the lawn. 

Unfortunately, money you spend on dogs is extortionate. And if you don’t train it properly, the dog will or can become the king of the house. 

So it’s important to remember the advice Volker was given by a friend: Don’t ever forget that it’s a dog. Treat him like a dog, not a human being. 

And as Volker pointed out, he loves having Arnie, his miniature sausage dog, at home. With long days in the office, having a reason to break up the day, get up, go for a walk and just having someone or something around reduces feelings of isolation and lonliness. And you can talk to dogs too!

We had a rant about our cats, outlining the challenges of going to vets regularly and, whilst living based on a Buddhist philosophy, it comes down to costs and how you feel being ripped off by vets. Volker was unlucky with Arnie having had a puppy disease, making the insurance worthwhile from the outset. 

Have you recently become a new dog owner? What has your experience been like? Has it been all you hoped? Or a bigger challenge than you anticipated. 

Drop us an email to let us know!

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A six pack is made in the kitchen, not in the gym. Volker lost 10kg a few years ago, partly through exercise but mainly through eating less calories than he took in and watching what he eats. He repeated this again recently and lost about 7kg. But the metabolism changes as you get older, and it is harder to lose weight. As we age, our metabolism slows and the rate at which we break down food decreases by 10% each decade after age 20. Metabolism is the amount of energy (calories) your body uses to maintain itself.

Volker is now doing intermittent fasting, 16:8, which means to not eat for 16 hours from 9 pm until 1 pm and only eat during the hours of 1 and 9 pm. Essentially it means the body is eating its own fat as it is moving into ketosis. 

David has done a press-up challenge, steps per day challenge and generally tries to keep fit, yet he still has a few kilos more than he wants to. 

What seems to work best to lose weight at our age is to reduce your sugar intake, and if we look at episode 3 again, even if we think we don’t have a high sugar intake, beer and wine have a lot of sugar. And there are lots of hidden sugars in a variety of foods.

MyFitnessPal is a great app we recommend to count your calories and make sure to track how much you eat. 

The minimum amount of energy needed to carry out these basic processes while an organism is fasting and at rest is known as the basal metabolic rate, or BMR, which can be calculated using a variety of online calculators that take into account an individual’s height, weight, age, and sex. 

BMR is often referred to as resting metabolic rate, or RMR. Total energy expenditure (TEE) is a combination of BMR, plus energy used for physical activities and energy used to digest food (known as dietary thermogenesis). For sedentary adults, BMR accounts for about 50% to 70% of total energy output, dietary thermogenesis for 10% to 15%, and physical activity for the remaining 20% to 30%

Restaurants of a certain size now have to show how many calories a meal contains which should help people to evaluate how much food they should eat each day. Volker regularly orders kids portions to cut down his calorie intake. 

We also touched on supplements. Volker regularly takes cod liver oil, electrolyte, focus pills to support your brain performance, vitamin B, C, D, blaseed oil and milk thistle. David swears on heights which seems good value for money combining the main supplements in one ‘magic pill’. The challenge with supplements is that once you are on the treadmill, you have a psychological contract with it that you don’t want to stop. 

Oregano pills are recommended for an upset stomach. Disclaimer: do your research prior to taking any supplements, and we are not suggesting you should take any. 

Discussing Huel, David doesn’t seem to be a fan, and Volker isn’t too keen on replacement meals either. Whilst they save time to eat, his experience with protein shakes is stomach upsetting. Adding every mineral and nutrition the body needs via a capsule or instant powder instead of real food just doesn’t sound right.

In regards to fitness: Volker has done three marathons, and it seems common in mid life to decide to take on some challenges; David has done a few triathlons, marathons and ultra triathlete and is an active triathlete. 

Starting with cycling into London to running with the pram as a stay at home dad. He has done a few marathons and ultramarathons. And one of the motivations to do one was to not have regrets when being older. 

Yet, doing a marathon won’t guarantee you to lose weight. As personal trainers suggest, you only have to have a certain heart rate, for Volker around 122, that gets him into the fat burning zone. 

Another point we discussed is for men to look like ‘Arnold Schwarzenegger’, using and abusing steroids. There is an increase in steroid abuse: "It is suggested that the majority of AAS use in the UK is for cosmetic reasons, as opposed to enhancement of athletic performance.1, 2 

The typical user would be considered by society as fairly ordinary (for example, a 19-year-old male who wishes to optimise his physique inspired by reality TV shows; or, a 45-year-old male who needs an outlet from pressures at home and work; or a 62-year-old male who aims to recreate the care-free experiences of his youth). 

However, what most have in common is a desire for extreme masculinity and an increase in self-esteem.”

This is another important factor to consider. Some people want to look ‘manly’ and think that we need to look ripped and muscular to look like a man. Personally, Volker thinks just not having a big beer gut is a good achievement.

We have friends at our age who traded in for a ‘younger model’, with people getting a high motivation finding a younger woman which results in them losing weight quickly. So once we know why, it’s a question of how. 

And whilst there are a lot of promises out there on how to lose weight quickly, the why is super important. Volker quit smoking a few years, from 60 to no cigarettes within a day, cold turkey, but the reason was there to live a healthier life, not dying of lung cancer. Those shock mechanisms definitely work.

And let’s not forget, if you have a healthy sex life, you can burn more calories. Research has found that men burn an average of 101 calories during sex, or about 4.2 calories burned per minute. We could argue how many minutes that is… women burn an average of 69 calories during sex, or about 3.2 per minute.

Have you lost weight or got super fit during your middle ages and want to share your story? Who should we speak to in order to investigate this topic further? Please let us know on podcast@manupdown.com

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Alcohol has 7 calories per gram, almost the same as fat which has 9 calories per gram. And after a few drinks we then turn to snacks and junk food, we wouldn’t normally drink. And as we get older, our metabolism isn’t able to break calories down as quickly as they used to. That leads to us gaining weight. 

Both David and Volker have both lost a significant amount of weight in the past by cutting out alcohol but accept how ingrained alcohol is in our social lives. 

This is particularly true for men. Almost 59% of adult men report drinking alcohol in the past 30 days compared with 47% of adult women. Also, men are almost two times more likely to binge drink than women.  Approximately 22% of men report binge drinking and on average do so 5 times a month, consuming 8 drinks per binge, according to the CDC website.

While the two of us don’t suffer from physical alcohol dependencies, we both still like a tipple. But we don’t always know when to stop either. 

Volker admits that during his uni days there were times when he lost control or forgot what was going on. This is because alcohol inhibits the brain ability to construct memories.

David and Volker are both very conscious in terms of how much they drink, and if you think you aren’t in control, please contact your GP or organisations that can help you with problem drinking.

We believe alcohol is the only drug on the market where we get encouraged to take more of. No one ever says ‘come on, have another line of coke’ or ‘take another pill of x’, but people encourage you to ‘have one more drink’, or ‘don’t be a p*, have a drink’.

We share a lot of stories around alcohol, and one of the reasons is that we grew up with it, and have been in environments where it was common to drink a lot. More than one should do. And we are not the only ones, it is very common, and unfortunately it leads to relationship problems, job problems and of course poor mental health.

Regular, heavy drinking interferes with chemicals in the brain that are vital for good mental health. So while we might feel relaxed after a drink, in the long run alcohol has an impact on mental health and can contribute to feelings of depression and anxiety, and make stress harder to deal with.

Sadly, people who suffer from alcoholism are up to 120 times more likely to take their own life than those who are not dependent on alcohol. This ties in with the stats we shared previously around increased suicide rates within middle aged men.

Unfortunately though, it is still a badge of honour to be ‘hanging’ or not being a ‘lightweight’ - even at our age. If recreational drugs were tools, “alcohol would be a sledgehammer”. Few cognitive functions or behaviours escape the impact of alcohol... alcohol can disrupt or completely block the ability to form memories for events that transpire while a person is intoxicated, a type of impairment known as a blackout. 

What we also realise is that when we drink, we also eat more. The munchies after a few drinks, maybe even ordering a pizza or eating a kebab, contributing to weight gain. It also impacts how well we sleep. 

According to The Sleep Foundation, high amounts of alcohol (defined as more than 2 drinks for males) decreases sleep quality by 39%. According to Cancer Research no amount of alcohol is safe, and can cause 7 different types of cancer - including breast, bowel and mouth cancer as well as cancer of the liver.

Yet we are often recommended to have a little bit of alcohol. We regularly see news in the press that a glass of red wine is good for your heart.

However, it’s easy to over do it. The recommended units per week in the UK are 14 units. That’s pretty much a bottle of Shiraz. Technically a binge is 4 drinks over a 2 hour period. If you think about a football match, that’s easily done. 

We need to find a positive relationship with alcohol or relationship. There is no need to have a drink, and the fantasy that wine, similar to cigars, are a status symbol and a collectors item, is a marketing ploy.

While we don’t want to tell you what to do, we encourage you to look at your relationships with drugs. And alcohol is a drug, as simple as that. Depending on your consumption, your liver can recover within 30 days, which we believe is a great incentive to do either ‘dry January’ or ‘sober in October’. Or both. Either way, reducing your alcohol consumption overall, and replacing it with maybe non alcoholic drinks or giving up completely, might be a good step. Or a very controlled way of drinking alcohol.

The vicious cycle is that when we meet people in a social setting, you want to be part of the group and drink with them, given they drink. And if we don’t drink, we get people taking the mickey out of us - which is a societal problem of not accepting people to not drink. Therefore, as a society, we still need to learn to accept people not drinking, in order to have a more healthy relationship with alcohol.

On the plus side, the availability of alcohol free drinks and beers are now on the rise, so it is easier to not drink “under the radar” in situations where others might pressure you to.

Have you overcome a tricky relationship with alcohol and want to share your story? Who should we speak to in order to investigate this topic further? Please let us know on podcast@manupdown.com

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This is how Wikipedia, defines it:

A midlife crisis is a transition of identity and self-confidence that can occur in middle-aged individuals, typically 45 to 65 years old. The phenomenon is described as a psychological crisis brought about by events that highlight a person's growing age, inevitable mortality, and possibly lack of accomplishments in life. 

This may produce feelings of intense depression, remorse, and high levels of anxiety, or the desire to achieve youthfulness or make drastic changes to their current lifestyle or feel the wish to change past decisions and events. 

Studies on midlife crises show that they are less common than popularly believed, according to Vaillant (2012) in his 75-year longitudinal study on adult development, he found midlife crises were rare experiences for people involved in the study. The term was coined by Elliott Jaques in 1965.

Steven Barlett said that ‘if he carries on like this, he will certainly have a midlife crisis’, yet he is only 29. And, by most standards, incredibly successful. 

So, what does that mean? Is a mid-life crisis career related or age-related. And with life expectancy steadily increasing, does that mean middle-age is being pushed back?

Data shows that ⅓ of babies born will live to be 100. Check out your chances of making a century here. (Women are more likely to than men).

Volker has been following the Modern Elder Academy for a while. It is the world's first wisdom school dedicated to midlife transitions. The Academy’s aim is to change the way society views ageing through its programs at its Baja campus, online, and its new location in Santa Fe, New Mexico (opens 2023). Is age just a number? We believe Chip Conley has been involved in this, and definitely a person to look up if you want to form an opinion.

David suggested this HBR article. Is it about hindsight and lost opportunities? The sliding doors of making a decision that you might regret later. Is that when you start looking for a younger partner? Volker instead opted for the older model, getting himself a toy car, his pride, just before he turned 45. Others buy a boat, a motor bike, or non monetary start filling voids with new hobbies, the first marathon or a side hustle. Or in some cases have an affair…

(Volker and David would like to point out they haven’t gone down that last route! Although David is happy to accept offers - JOKE!).

Volker started his journey to get tattoos during lockdown. He isn’t the only one, there are articles about it, and people over 60 getting tattoos. 

Is it because children need us less when they grow up? Or because we are settled more in our job or relationship, needing to invest less time. Or is it as aforementioned that we are looking for a purpose? And during Covid we had more time, and we thought about life. We looked for new things to do. 

Covid can be seen as an accelerator to a midlife crisis or even a replacement. As David states, this description of a mid-life crisis could also relate to what many of us went through during lockdown:

• Neglect of  personal hygiene
• Dramatic changes in sleep patterns
• Weight loss or gain
• Change in mood: anxiety
• Withdraw from relationships and usual routines (which we didn’t have much choice in at the height of the pandemic). 

For some, the crisis resulted in us paddling harder, finding new work, continuing with our routine, rather than giving in and slacking. Volker gives his view of lockdown, how he didn’t have time to watch Netflix because he couldn’t give up, he just put himself out there, working harder, keeping purpose and routines. 

He also learned how to up-cycle woodwork.

We see this with older people as well, the ones that have purpose, keep physically and mentally active, are the ones that seem to have a more fulfilled and usually longer life. 

David admits he took an escapist approach - taking out a Disney+ subscription and rediscovering his love of reading fiction. He also got a new appreciation for the simple things in life, such as cuddling with his cat!

Whilst we will talk more about alcohol in next week’s episode, we drank a lot more during lockdown. That also means that during a crisis, we go back and comfort ourselves with stimulus. It’s all about the excitement of building a new outdoor kitchen, learning how to BBQ meat properly, pizza ovens and all sorts of things. 

Any kind of void needs to be filled, and it’s the same with the midlife crisis.

We shouldn’t forget that midlife crises are also happening to women, but there is probably another podcast for that too :-)

We are running out of time when we turn 40+, don’t we? As we discussed, planning holidays with the kids, and things we want to achieve, before the clock stops. We don’t know how long we have. Do we see it as the glass half full or half empty? What about how the world is changing? Will we be able to see the Seychelles? Do we want to?

Another topic we touched on was suicide in men. Sadly suicide is highly common in men over 40. The office for National Statistics published data for England here:

• The male suicide rate for was 15.3 per 100,000* compared to the female suicide rate of 4.9 per 100,000* 
• Males aged 45-49 continue to have the highest suicide rate (23.8 per 100,000)

• There is regional variation in the suicide rates. The North East of England had the highest suicide rate (13.3. per 100,000) in 2020, which has been the case in five out of the last 10 preceding years and saw an increase of 15.7% compared to 2019.

In this podcast by Steve Bartlett, the celebrity Roman Kemp talked about losing his best friend to suicide at the height of lockdown. He makes an interesting point that depression can spiral during times when men feel that they have little control over their lives. Sadly committing suicide is often perceived as an act of taking back that control.

Mid career crisis is another phrase that has been gaining ground in recent years. As the Modern Elder Academy suggests, we can easily start a new career in our 40s. We still have 20 years or more left. 

However, if we look at the ‘man as a breadwinner’, it’s often not that simple. Would you (and your family) be happy to change your career and take a pay cut, in anticipation of being happier? Or do you just carry on? Volker touches on his work he does in transition and career coaching, helping people in their mid-life to figure out where to put their focus. 

Age shouldn’t be anything that stops you. Whether it is taking on running and doing a marathon or just doing regular 10Ks. What we are trying to say, we shouldn't see age as a limitation. “Being at an age where I don’t care what people think of me anymore” - is that mid life confidence? And do we do certain things because of our parents, or because of what we feel our duty was at the time? Is mid life crisis something that helps you to break free?

What are your thoughts?Let us know in the comments or reach out to podcast@manupdown.com and suggest topics, people to interview and please let us know what you think.

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David felt like he was going through, what he could only describe as, “a post-pandemic slump”. However, he had also noticed off-hand comments from friends and colleagues which suggested they were going through a similar experience. 

Maybe not full-blown breakdowns but there just seemed an undercurrent of exhaustion and low-level depression. And the more David and Volker discussed this the more they realised that this was as much related to where they were in life, the dreaded “middle age”, as the impact of lockdown and the pandemic.

The more David and Volker got sidetracked by these discussions, the more they felt that they should be recording these thoughts. Mainly because David has struggled with mental health issues for most of his life and Volker has spent most of his life practicing mindfulness and teaching business leaders tools for resilience and success.

Tools that could help middle-aged men that were struggling with the pressures of post-pandemic life. All strung around experiences and challenges that they have both experienced, that most men of our age could relate to:

• Children that no longer see you as the best thing since sliced bread
• Adapting to working from home
• Juggling family and work commitments
• Taking better care of yourself (mentally and physically)
• Weight loss
• Exercise
• Alcohol
• Friendships
• Loneliness
• Happiness
• Success
• Depression, anxiety and other mental health issues
• Sleep/insomnia
• Finding time for your wife/partner
• Finding time for yourself
• Getting a puppy (Which always seems like a good idea on paper, particularly during lockdown).

Sharing these interests and challenges, we decided to record an episode every week to cover topics we feel other middle-aged men could massively relate to but were perhaps afraid to discuss with their friends. 

We try and stick to the science as much as possible but there’s also a lot of rambling and ranting with a healthy dose of humour (both German and British). To find out more about who David and Volker are, just check out our website www.manupdown.com. 

The reason we called it that is because we were told from an early age to ‘Man Up’, don’t show emotions, be the breadwinner and look after the family. Yet there are so many men that are down and don’t talk about it. That’s what we want to change!

In this inaugural episode, we talk a lot about ourselves of course, introducing you to our journey and our personalities. We talk about hindsight and insights into our life and what could have happened if, and why we are the way we are. What drives us on? What used to drive us on back then, and how has it changed in middle age? 

We are curious about what your journey has been so far, and how we might be able to help you. As said above, we can accommodate more topics, and will invite expert speakers later on in the podcast. Email us, let us know how we do to podcast@manupdown.com - or individually - volker@ or david@manupdown.com

Why are we doing this?

For one, it is to share our thoughts and experience because we know that so many people our age are also struggling with the same issues. By sharing our exeprinces and challenges we hope to help you to improve your life. 

We want to create a community and platform for people to share their experience, learn from each other, and become their better self. We are sharing a lot of thoughts about what we learned so far, what it means to grow up with certain expectations, and how we have to unlearn things in life. How has your upbringing influenced your life so far? How can you shed some of those influences to get unstuck in life and move forward?

We are rambling on, but it’s just so important for men to open up and talk about the issues they are facing. We all have the same challenges and need to cope with life. We cannot just give up, although the statistic says that most people who give up and sadly take their own life, are men at the age of 45-49 (23.8 out of 100,000 - statistics from England). When we talk about those topics and you ever feel distressed, please seek professional help. 

We like to recommend Samaritans, but there are lots of organisations that can help you. And we must reiterate, you should seek professional help and there is nothing wrong with asking for help.

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