Life Back On Track

Should I really have a relationship?

Wed, 27 Mar 2024 00:30:00 GMT

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

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When do I stop having problems?

Wed, 20 Mar 2024 00:30:00 GMT

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"Good" habits versus "Bad" habits

Wed, 13 Mar 2024 00:30:00 GMT

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Dealing with the past and the future

Wed, 06 Mar 2024 00:30:00 GMT

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Is it really your problem or theirs?

Wed, 28 Feb 2024 00:30:00 GMT

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Do you know what your money type is?

Wed, 21 Feb 2024 00:30:00 GMT

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

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What is failure and how to deal with it?

Wed, 14 Feb 2024 00:30:00 GMT

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

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How do you achieve a work & life balance?

Wed, 07 Feb 2024 00:30:00 GMT

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Dealing with people in your workplace

Wed, 31 Jan 2024 00:30:00 GMT

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Why do so many people talk about health?

Wed, 24 Jan 2024 00:30:00 GMT

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Relationships and being misaligned

Tue, 02 May 2023 11:32:00 GMT

OK, this is Wayne Brown, Life Alignment Specialist with Life Back On Track.

I wanted to talk to you today about relationships. Now. Relationships are one of the main drivers in our life, not just our intimate relationships, but the relationships we have with our family. We have with our friends. We have with our partner, our children, work colleagues. We have many relationships in which we want to connect with people. We want to get to know them. We want to understand them. We want to be a part of their lives and we want them to be a part of ours. The problem is that a lot of us when we start out, we don't understand how to build connection. We don't understand how to have conversation that connects. We struggle to deal with conflict. We have perceptions and beliefs about relationships that can make things a lot more of a struggle than they need to be.

And the reason for this is as we're growing. When we're very young, we are exposed to modelling, which is the people around us displaying how they do relationships. Now, if someone is a good modeller, they have good relationships with the people around them. They use good communication. They deal with conflict effectively, they build connection. Then we ourselves will tend to have that sort of behaviour, that sort of mindset when we have our own relationships and then on the other end. If you have someone who's poor with their communication, they're not very good at building connection. They're not very effective at dealing with conflict. Then you will tend to have that same poor range of tools to use with your own relationship. So it ends up being this self repeating problem.

And also it's our beliefs, our mindset that we're given about relationships. So if you grow up, either male or female being told that the opposite gender is a particular way. So if you're a guy and you're regularly hearing things like women are confusing, they're hard work, they're bitches, all of this sort of thing, then you're going to grow up with that mindset. And conversely, if you're a woman and you grow up with this mindset given to you about men that they're only after one thing and they're untrustworthy and they're lazy and this sort of thing, you're going to have a very poor mindset for relationships, and all of these things contribute to our quality of relationships.

Now I know for myself growing up, I wasn't necessarily given negative modelling or negative mindset from my parents. However, there were other contributors which affect all of us. So we have the media, we watch sitcoms. And if the sitcoms are couples who have poor relationships, that tends to be our modelling. It contributes to our overall mindset or viewpoint regarding relationships. Now the thing that's probably most damaging about these is if that's the only mindset you're given, you don't know any better. And unfortunately, if you don't know that you don't know, you can't correct it. It's only once you become aware that you don't know that you can actually do something about it. So being able to utilise new knowledge, new skills, new tools, new processes, new mindsets, new attitudes that's when things start to change for the better.

Now I know for myself my relationships were certainly struggling when I was younger. I didn't have good communication skills. I certainly didn't have good conflict resolution tools. That is for sure. My relationships tend to err on the side of struggling far more than working. So any interaction I had wasn't inclined to build connection. It was inclined to have conflict that was never resolved. It caused more pain than it healed. And sadly, I look around now now that I'm able to look around because before, I was very insular in my situation. Now I can look around, and I see it very often. Where people struggle to communicate, they struggle to be honest, they struggle to be open, they struggle to be real. And that is a really damaging thing because the relationship you crave and you want, and as a part of you that knows you deserve it.

Because of this, that relationship becomes harder and harder to achieve, and you end up sort of giving up. And if you're in a relationship because of those poor tools and everything, you're causing more damage, which tends to make the relationship go down rather than up like it should. As a relationship progresses. So ultimately, what this means is the alignment between yourself where you are now and the ideal relationship that you seek with the person who's the best match for you tends to be. That chasm tends to be getting larger and larger rather than closer and closer. And this is a a common occurrence because of those influences and the fact that we don't know that we don't know.

So for myself, I'd never experienced a high quality relationship. So when I went out with my new system to try and create that relationship, it was only through initially me aligning with myself, me finding my worth, my value, the things that I bring to a relationship that make it a great relationship. It was only once I discovered those things and became aligned with them, that I actually raised my own value and therefore attracted a better quality partner and now consequently have that high quality relationship that I always sought. So what I'm saying to you is, if you want that high quality relationship and I meet lots of people that say they do, the first thing you have to do is align with yourself. You need to find out what it is that you bring to a relationship that makes it high quality. What is it that you contribute to the relationship that the other person thinks to themselves?

I'm so glad I met this person because until you realise what you bring to a relationship, the value, the worth, the skills, the attitudes, the mindset until you are aware of that and become integrated with that authentic version of yourself struggle to achieve that relationship will always be very real and very present. Once you become more aligned, it becomes so much easier to become that person. Sorry, that was today's recording, I suppose where I want to get you started moving towards being that fantastic partner you can be so that you can have that relationship that you've always sought and you can actually have by being first aligned with who you authentically are.

OK, that's it for now. Have a great one. Have a think about the things that you bring to a relationship. Start making a note of it, start becoming aware of it. That's the first part of any journey. Is the awareness becoming aware of what you don't know? So you can actually move forward? Uh, so, yeah, look after yourselves and take care

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

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What does misalignment actually mean?

Wed, 05 Apr 2023 01:00:00 GMT

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What does a Life Alignment Specialist do?

Mon, 03 Apr 2023 00:00:00 GMT

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Q: Should I try again or walk away from the relationship?

Mon, 15 Aug 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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What do you do if you want to do coaching and you can't?

Wed, 29 Jun 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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Why do our kids seem to WANT to push our buttons?

Tue, 28 Jun 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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Some thoughts about you and your results

Mon, 27 Jun 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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More about my journey and what I dealt with along the way

Wed, 22 Jun 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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Diversity is something that we can learn about and learn through

Sun, 19 Jun 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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Most people ignore this part of their journey to improve their lives

Sun, 19 Jun 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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If you are a parent, this is a very important question for you to answer

Sat, 18 Jun 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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I often get asked "Should women approach men?"

Fri, 17 Jun 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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It's gaining traction and it's very exciting!

Thu, 16 Jun 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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Your emotions are really important and here is why?

Mon, 13 Jun 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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How willing are you to fight for it?

Mon, 06 Jun 2022 02:03:00 GMT

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For those that want to know, here's the truth

Fri, 03 Jun 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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If it didn't work out the way that you wanted, you need to ask this question

Thu, 02 Jun 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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What do you do if you really want to do coaching to get your results and you can't?

Mon, 30 May 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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Why do our kids have to push our buttons so much?

Fri, 27 May 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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Why do we beat each other up and criticise each other about our past?

Thu, 26 May 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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What exactly is a "high maintenance" woman?

Wed, 25 May 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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The question is "Where do you belong?"

Mon, 23 May 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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Why do we keep attracting the same sort of partner?

Wed, 18 May 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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Would you like to be able to approach with more confidence?

Mon, 16 May 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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What drives you more; Fear, Pain, or Fury?

Fri, 13 May 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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This was a major epiphany for me and changed my life

Wed, 11 May 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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This one thing can determine if you have found true love or not

Mon, 09 May 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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The origin of "I HATE YOU! YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE!" from teenagers

Fri, 06 May 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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We all feel how we feel, A LOT, unless we don't

Wed, 04 May 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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They were about to chuck it in

Mon, 02 May 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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Your emotions get bigger before they get more under control

Fri, 29 Apr 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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How do you move forward when you are stuck?

Wed, 27 Apr 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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How do people become wealthy? Here is a simple trick

Mon, 18 Apr 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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Conflict will always be here and world peace is a fallacy

Fri, 15 Apr 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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What if something that you believe about something is false. What then?

Wed, 13 Apr 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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Cancel culture has it wrong and is denying us an opportunity

Mon, 11 Apr 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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The choice that I made could have been so very different

Fri, 08 Apr 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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Who says that you can't love everyone?

Wed, 06 Apr 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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I can't stand the term "Toxic masculinity" and here is why?

Mon, 04 Apr 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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It's all their fault! They did this! It's not fair!

Fri, 01 Apr 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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One day, this moment will become your past

Wed, 30 Mar 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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How do you move forward when you really want to but you can't?

Mon, 28 Mar 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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He thought it would never happen and the odds were against him

Fri, 25 Mar 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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What should you talk about on a first date?

Wed, 23 Mar 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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Here are some tips for mastering the outcomes of your dates

Mon, 21 Mar 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

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How can you save months and years on getting your results?

Fri, 11 Mar 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

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How do some people manage to get their results?

Wed, 09 Mar 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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Men and women can never be equal. Here's why?

Mon, 07 Mar 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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It was beautiful to see the love between them and that is my goal

Fri, 04 Mar 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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Thank you for listening and also a bit about myself

Wed, 02 Mar 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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What if you've been looking in the wrong direction?

Mon, 28 Feb 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

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How did I manage to become so scared of them? It's crazy

Fri, 25 Feb 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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My ex-wife gave me a lesson that changed the direction of my life

Wed, 23 Feb 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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When you are at war, know who your enemy is

Mon, 21 Feb 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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Here is a different way to achieve your goals

Wed, 16 Feb 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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Don't listen to what I say or believe a single word

Mon, 14 Feb 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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How do you eat an elephant?

Fri, 11 Feb 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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Who holds your "feet to the fire"?

Wed, 09 Feb 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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Don't wait! Get straight back on the horse!

Mon, 07 Feb 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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This one thing will definitely help you reach your goals

Mon, 24 Jan 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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Some wisdom from the late, great Jim Rohn

Fri, 21 Jan 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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This one thing will stop you from reaching your goals

Wed, 19 Jan 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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It's a new year and a new you! Or is it?

Mon, 17 Jan 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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How did I create the idea of "pre-dating"?

Fri, 14 Jan 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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It won't count so why should I bother?

Wed, 12 Jan 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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Why do arguments and conflict take so long?

Mon, 10 Jan 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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What do you choose if you have to choose?

Fri, 07 Jan 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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Some New Year lessons to get you started

Wed, 05 Jan 2022 01:00:00 GMT

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It's a new year and time for a new you!

Mon, 03 Jan 2022 01:35:00 GMT

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Have you ever wanted to just give up?

Wed, 15 Dec 2021 01:00:00 GMT

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If you're feeling a 'negative' emotion, that can actually be a very good thing

Mon, 13 Dec 2021 01:00:00 GMT

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Every journey is as simple as a small step at a time

Fri, 10 Dec 2021 01:00:00 GMT

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You might want to do this with your parents before it's too late

Wed, 08 Dec 2021 01:00:00 GMT

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If you're going to be asking questions, you may as well ask better ones.

Mon, 06 Dec 2021 01:00:00 GMT

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This is the one key to becoming wealthy

Fri, 03 Dec 2021 01:00:00 GMT

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Would I do it all over again? You bet I would!

Wed, 01 Dec 2021 01:00:00 GMT

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Of course, nice guys can win

Mon, 29 Nov 2021 01:00:00 GMT

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Parents should bear this in mind to be more effective and stress less

Fri, 26 Nov 2021 01:00:00 GMT

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What about when one choice you made differently could have changed everything?

Wed, 24 Nov 2021 01:00:00 GMT

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It's all their fault. They did this! They did that!

Mon, 22 Nov 2021 01:00:00 GMT

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Every now and then we need a kick up the butt to get going. This is it

Fri, 19 Nov 2021 01:00:00 GMT

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How do you move forward when you really want to, but can't?

Wed, 17 Nov 2021 01:00:00 GMT

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They both thought that it would never happen

Mon, 15 Nov 2021 01:00:00 GMT

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What to talk about on a date

Fri, 12 Nov 2021 01:00:00 GMT

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Master these parts of your dating

Wed, 10 Nov 2021 01:00:00 GMT

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How do you save months, even years?

Mon, 08 Nov 2021 01:00:00 GMT

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How do people manage to get their results?

Fri, 05 Nov 2021 01:00:00 GMT

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It was one of the most powerful and beautiful things to witness

Wed, 03 Nov 2021 01:00:00 GMT

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What do you do if you're looking in the wrong direction?

Mon, 01 Nov 2021 01:00:00 GMT

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Why was I so scared of them? It's crazy

Fri, 29 Oct 2021 01:00:00 GMT

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

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How do you move forward when it all seems impossible?

Wed, 27 Oct 2021 01:00:00 GMT

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

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What is "The Family"?

Mon, 25 Oct 2021 01:00:00 GMT

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

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How I created the "Dating Template"?

Fri, 22 Oct 2021 01:00:00 GMT

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

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What is it that women want from men?

Wed, 20 Oct 2021 01:00:00 GMT

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

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You attract as a partner, the person you deserve

Mon, 18 Oct 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

In this one, I want to talk to you about relationships. I regularly meet people who complain, bemoan, and criticise their ex partners. The thing that I struggled with for a long time, because I was one of these people who complained about ex partners, and labelled them, and judged them without fully understanding why they were in my life. The thing that I eventually came to realise, especially with my second wife, was that I had attracted her because I needed her.

When we start relationships, it is natural, and it is easy to focus on what it is we want in a partner. So we have all of these expectations that we place on our partners and we attract who we need as a partner for who we are at that particular moment in time. However, if we are not aware of why we have attracted them, they come in being who we need. We recognise that they're not who we want after a period of time, and then we start to struggle with the relationship, judge them, have conflict with them, and eventually the relationship ends because we have attracted who we need for who we are.

At that particular moment in time, we failed to realise that that's who we actually need and instead look at them through the filter of what we wanted. The thing is, what we want is usually all the nice stuff we want in a partner, who's understanding, and supportive, and funny, and encouraging, nice to be around and all of these things, and that's easy to acknowledge. That's easy to point out. That's easy to put on the list.

The challenge is knowing that a relationship is about you and your growth, or if I was looking from my point of view about myself and my growth, it has nothing to do with the person opposite us. They are merely a mirror or a reflection of what we need to work on. So if we are not aware of this, we tend to discard them for their importance that they play in our life. We look at them, we judge them, we put blame on to them and ultimately we don't benefit from that relationship, which was what we needed at that point in time.

So to give you a real world example. My first wife and I, we had struggles with a little bit of conflict. Nothing excessive, but we just had conflict, a few yelling arguments, nothing excessive. I didn't get the lesson that she bought to that relationship that I needed. I didn't get it. I wasn't aware of it. I didn't know what to look for. I didn't know what to do with it, even if I was aware of it. So ultimately that relationship didn't work. It did not benefit me, and it probably didn't benefit her either.

Fast forward a few years and I'm with my second wife and the level of conflict is escalated now. I spent quite a number of years with this woman going through a lot of stress, a lot of aggravation, a lot of anguish, a lot of conflict, a lot of toxicity, and it wasn't healthy for either of us. I'm surprised neither of us had a stroke or a heart attack from the rubbish we were putting through each other through. It was only after, when I finally understood that I attracted who I wanted that I realised I needed an angry woman. I needed a woman who would give me enough grief to break my inertia to get me started to be the catalyst for my change.

My second wife was that. She is wholly responsible for giving me the lesson so intensely that I finally got it so that my next partner was a vast improvement because I had that lesson. Sadly, though, those habits that I had started slipping back into my life and the quality of that relationship deteriorated not because of her, but because of myself. I could own that, once I fully understood that after ending that relationship, I finally got it. I finally got the lesson, and because of that, this relationship that I'm currently in is vastly different because I haven't forgotten the lesson. I've stayed with what I needed to learn from these women who were perfect for who I was at that point in time.

If I had not received that lesson or been aware of it to receive it, I'd probably be in a toxic relationship, stressful relationship still, So if you are one of these people and it is normal and natural to do this because a lot of people do it, if you judge and minimise your ex partners, know that they were perfect for who you were at that point in time.

Now, if you get the lesson, you become a better person, a better version of you. Therefore you don't need to attract that person anymore. Therefore, you can attract a better quality of person, therefore, have a better quality relationship to move forward. First, though, you have to understand that it's not about them. It's about you. You attracted exactly what you needed. You agreed to the relationship because a part of you knew that it was what you needed. If you received this lesson, you will have the relationship you've wanted and also what you need.

So that's today's lesson just talking about relationships and ex partners because sometimes it's easy for us to heap the blame on them and attack them etc, and they don't deserve that. They were right for who we were at that point in time. We just couldn't get it, and that's okay. That's part of our journey as well. So look for your lesson, receive your lesson, become a better version of you and get a better partner so you can have that better relationship. That's today's lesson.

Feel free to send me a little voicemail. Give me some feedback. You can keep an anonymous if you want. Also, you can click the other link in the show notes and check out my subscription site with a 30-day money-back guarantee. At the end of it, if you don't think it's something that will benefit you, so you can check it out risk free.

So thanks for listening. Feel free to pass on this podcast to people you believe will benefit from it. That's what I'm trying to do is get people just to open their minds to some possibilities. Other than that, have a great day. Look after yourself. Thanks for listening and remember, he is to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

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Just admit it, we all are ALL of it!

Fri, 15 Oct 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

This is an episode that I've sort of been over before. However, I feel it's something that's very important, and I'd like to go over it again, address it again, maybe look at it from a different angle just so you can start to understand why I wanted to go over this again.

On the weekend, I was talking to some friends and we were discussing the situation of various people, and a couple of statements were made that I felt needed to be pointed out, and I said to the rest of the group, "They're racist statements" and they said, "How are they racist?"

Oh, now I recall they were talking about seeing people of a particular race on the street, and they would avoid them due to previous experience of people from that particular race, and I said to him, Well, "that's being racist". And they said, "No, it's not. It's making sure you're safe". And I said "No. When you take a group of people and you base that experience, you're generalising and you're judging those people from that previous behaviour that makes it a racist statement or a racist behaviour".

Now a lot of people get up in arms about racism and all of this sort of thing and carry on like it's something that only a few people do. However, we all do it, and it's not just racism, and this is the key to what I'm trying to get to. Is it something that every single one of us does? We might do it to a small extent. We may do it to a large extent, but we all do it. And it's not just with race. We do it with all sorts of people. If we look at people of a certain age, we will make a generalisation about them. So for someone like myself who's in their fifties, they can be inclined to when they look at people that are younger, view them in a way that could be judgmental or minimising them or negating them. And that's being ageist. It could be someone who's in their thirty's. Who looks at an older person who say in their eighties and says well, they're a waste of space, they're not contributing to society. Why are they even alive, that's being ageist.

We operate from a generalisation. If we are a man, say, like myself, and I'm looking at a woman and I make a judgement about her. I have generalised based off her gender, which means I've been sexist and vice versa. Women can look at men and make a statement based off a generalisation, and that means they're being sexist. Now we all do it and one of the keys to resolving any conflict, so whether it's an internal conflict or an external conflict, the key to resolving it and moving forward is acknowledging the truth. And if we all admit it, I'm racist. I'm prejudiced, I'm sexist and ageist on whatever it is. If it's a particular generalisation that you do of a particular person, that is one of those labels.

Now, it's not a bad thing to admit this. You get people who have a shame or guilt around it, and they don't want to admit that they are that. What I have found with my journey is being brought up as I am as a white person in Australia, a male, middle class, I tend to be one of the most comfortable people, you could say, because I don't tend to have a lot of those judgments that others would have now being raised with that, I didn't think anything of it having these viewpoints of racism, sexism, ageism, etcetera, etcetera because I had been subject to my society, my culture exposing me to that point of view advertising, TV shows behaviours of particular authorities to these people.

To me, it was just 'normal', and I placed that in inverted commas to indicate that it was the commonly accepted behaviour. Now does that excuse it? Does that make it good? No. However, I cannot fix that within myself until I acknowledge that I am it now. Do I still have these thoughts of racism, sexism, ageism, et cetera. Yes, they flit through my mind, and they are a reminder to me, of what I am trying to work on within myself. So if I have those thoughts, those patterns that pop into my head, that gives me an opportunity to address that so that I can reduce and minimise that behaviour within my own mind set.

Now for other people, there will be people listening to this. Who would say I'm not racist, I believe, and to use a fairly recent example. Black lives matter. I believe that black lives matter. But these same people who espouse to believe that black lives matter are only focusing on a particular sector of those type of people. Now, if you view everyone with a view of humanity in as much as we are all entitled to having fresh food, fresh water, shelter, clothing, good medical care, all of these things in education, if you believe that we all deserve access to all of them. Most of the developed world is being racist because we ignore the people that are suffering in other places the world and do little to help, even though we can. As individuals, we can't help. But as a nation, we can.

We hide our elderly people away. We ignore the wisdom and the knowledge that they have acquired over their lifetime, and we ignore these riches that we could mine and benefit from. But we don't, we hide them away, so we're all ageist. We all agree on hiding people away, so if you can start to acknowledge that within yourself and acknowledge it without guilt or shame, or any of this sort of rubbish.

Using those two things, guilt and shame. To acknowledge something that allows you to grow is self defeating. You need to just acknowledge to yourself I have these thoughts. I may believe that black lives matter, but there are other races that I see being denigrated, minimised put down and all of this sort of thing, and I unconsciously agree to it because I do nothing about it now. Thankfully, as a species, we are slowly speaking up more and more for everyone who deserves these basic rights.

Now for myself, like I said, it's been part of my journey, and I acknowledge that I've had these thoughts quite strongly in the past, and I have been voraciously working on them so that every time those thoughts come into my head, I examine them. I look at them, where they come from so that I can address them and rewire them so they become less so. By constantly working on myself. I become less racist, less sexist, less ageist, less judgmental. I become more accepting now. Does that mean I'm perfect? No, I'm not perfect. No one's ever nailed this. And if anyone ever says I'm not racist at all is probably deluding themselves because they may not be racist to a particular bracket of races or cultures or whatever, however, they may have racist attitudes towards others.

So regardless of where it's directed, if you have it racism, sexism, etcetera, you have it, end of story and you cannot fix it until you acknowledge it. So that's what I wanted to talk about today. Look at it from a couple of different angles so that hopefully you'll understand and maybe start to work on yourself, maybe start to pull up other people. When you see that behaviour because we all deserve what some of us have, we all deserve it. We all deserve to be healthy and happy and loved, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Yeah, so that's it for today. It was something that was big in my journey, is still big in my journey, knowing that I need to work on still not judging, accepting people for who they are, not what I think they are or what society tells me they are. That is my constant journey, and one that I'm glad to have, because it makes me more humane, more understanding, more compassionate, more empathetic, and I feel makes me a better human being.

I'm hoping you, too will join me on this little journey and admit at least to yourself that you are these things so that you too, can work towards your humanity. Anyway, That's it for today. I hope you've got something out of it. I really do. So until the next episode, before I go, you will see in the show Notes. There are a few links. One I've mentioned a number of times, and that is a little link where you can leave me a ninety-second voicemail because voices are always nicer than written. So if you want to send me feedback, questions, support, whatever you want to send, I'd love to hear your little voice. You can do it anonymously, or you can let me know your email address when you do the recording, and therefore we can have a dialogue and I can get to know who you are, and you can learn more about me and what I do.

Also there's a link to join my subscription group, which means you can join at any level, try it out for 30 days, and if at the end of it you don't like it, I'll give you your money back. The level you pick is up to you because it's 30 days money back guarantee you may as well go all in and try the highest level. You can have access to everything then, which is all my recordings, et cetera, as well as coaching calls and check it out. You can click the links, find out more and then decide which level you want to come in on.

And it would be great to get to know you as well as your knowing about me through these podcasts. So share them with people that you care about that you feel will benefit from what I'm talking about. Uh, other than that they keep up the good work. Thanks for listening and helping me expand this bit by bit and helping me help others. So until the next episode, look after yourselves. And remember, here's to a good life

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

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What is your secondary fear?

Wed, 13 Oct 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode, and in this one, I want to talk to you about something I've noticed over many years of coaching people one-on-one.

When I'm talking to them and we're looking into their situation and they're giving me the information and they start talking about something that we all have, and that's fear. They start saying that they have these particular fears and it could be regarding their dating, or their relationships, or parenting, their mindset, their finances, could be anything, doesn't matter, fear is fear.

What I have noticed is, we start talking about our fears, and it could be, a fear of being rejected, for example, and a lot of people can easily identify that initial fear. The thing is, though, that's not actually the thing that's scaring us a lot of the time. The thing that we really fair is something that's difficult to admit. It's deep, it's scary, it can be profound. It could be something that triggers off a whole heap of stuff that we've been suppressing or ignoring or denying, and to confront that original real fear can sometimes be very overwhelming.

For a lot of people, however, a situation can never be properly dealt with, prepared for, or overcome until you get to that initial fear. The fear that's really driving it. Now where this plays out in our life is, a lot is if you have conflict with someone, so you'll hear about a couple, where she might be upset about something or he might be. It doesn't matter. But instead of dealing with the actual situation, the real fear because that one can be a bit overwhelming to deal with, it could be a little bit scary because that one is so intimidating to deal with, it's easier to create something that is easier to deal with, can be quick, can be less painful. You can get it out in a burst, and then you can feel like you've dealt with it.

The trouble is, you still have that initial fear, so they will argue about this other thing. So, for example, let's say there's a husband and wife. He leaves his socks on the floor. She's always picking up after him. One day she's had enough. She has a big argument with him, she says. "You just think I'm a maid. You don't care about me." And so, of course, they have this big argument. "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah". Now the thing is, is the socks being left on the floor. The real problem is the fact that she believes he's just thinking of her as a maid. The real problem? No, you need to dig deeper into it. It's not so much that she thinks he believes she is just a maid. It's her. It's her yardstick for how much he values her, how much he sees her as worthy. So her self esteem can be tied in with those socks. So instead of actually confronting him about that deeper attitude, which might come from something with his happened in his childhood that can trigger off something deeper in him if she had confronted him with the actual truth.

So when you have a real problem with anything with life, you have to get past your initial primary fear. There's always something deeper driving it, especially when we get to conflict. So whether that's conflict at work, with your children, with your partner, with your family, your friends, it doesn't matter. Whenever you have things like conflict, there's always a deeper fear that's driving things. And that's what you want to be looking for. Your secondary, your third, your tertiary fear, had to think of the word there.

It's the thing that's deeper than what you initially think is upsetting you. So push past the primary fear. Be brave and ask yourself, What are you really fearful of? What is it that is really driving this? And I find that when I'm coaching people, if I keep pushing them about that primary fear, the real driver, when we get to that, suddenly they're like "Oh", and then they can deal with it so they can make sense of it. They can get coping mechanisms. They can find what they need to deal with that situation so that the surface situation, when it happens, is less intense.

So I know for myself when I've had fears and concerns and things like that, when I dig in and find out what the primary is, the situation is a lot easier to deal with. Now is it still scary? Of course it is. Fear is always there. It's one of our natural emotions. Whether it is something that will stop you from moving forward, that's the difference. Is the fear something that's going to immobilise you, or is it going to allow you to move forward? That's what you want to ask yourself, and if a fear is immobilising you, you definitely want to dig in and find out what the primary is.

So push through your fears. Find out what they are first, can't just push through them because otherwise you're just trying to deny them, and they can overwhelm you. But dig in. Find your primary fear if you've got a situation you're dealing with, regardless of what it is to find out what the primary fear is, so you can deal with it so that you can get some tools to cope with it, to minimise it, to make sense of it, whatever it is you need. Once you know what that primary fear is, then you can start to push past it and get the results that you're after.

So that's it for today's episode. I just wanted to talk to you about primary fears. Okay, have a great one. Thanks for listening in. There's links below. If you want to send me a quick ninety-second voicemail just to say hi or give me some feedback, send a question or whatever, and there's also a link if you want to try out the family, which is my subscription group, where I gather all of the information I've garnered over 20 years about parenting, relationships, conflict resolution, which is a big one, dating, mindset, all of this sort of thing.

You can you have a trial of that with a 30 day money back guarantee. If you don't like it at the end of 30 days, we give you your money back. But anyway, considerably less money than one-on-one coaching or most courses. Check it out and give it a try. Until then, thanks for listening. Catch you on the next episode. Look after yourself and remember, Here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

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I've f*#%@^!& had enough!!!

Mon, 11 Oct 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode. In this one, I want to talk to you about something that will occur many times in your life, and you need to be aware of this moment because it is a very, very big moment.

Many years ago, I was at a talk by a chap by the name of Jim Rohn. Now this chap is, a lot of people say he's the guy that got them started on their self growth journey. He has a lot of good information. He's written some good books, got some great courses of which I've done a fair bit and at this talk is addressing the crowd. He's talking about moments that can make a big difference and the emotions that are involved in them and this particular emotion that he mentions is discussed. He says, it's a very important emotion, and he says a lot of people call it negative, but it can have powerful positive moments because they are responsible for change.

He says, that disgust, that moment when you have just had enough of a situation, you're just disgusted with the path that you're on, you're disgusted with the situation, the people involved, you basically just at breaking point. The story that he uses is, it's an analogy, and he says his chap is successful, drives a nice car, lives in a nice house, and he's being interviewed as to why he's successful. What was the key to his success? And this chap says to the interviewer, "Come with me and I'll show you" and they go down to his garage and there's this old car and it's well beaten up and rusty and it's full of bullet holes. And he says, "This is the key to my success". And the blokes like, "How is that the key to your success?", he says, "Because I was driving around in that car, and one day I realised I've just had enough. I've had enough of driving this embarrassing car that keeps breaking down and leaking oil and just costing me so much money just to keep running", he said. "I've had enough. So I took a shotgun and I blew it to smithereens, and I kept it as a reminder as to why I'm going".

So there are moments in your life where you will reach a breaking point, where you will reach a crossroads, where you will reach a moment. Well, you have a choice to keep doing things the way you've been doing them or whether you're going to do something different so that you can get a better result.

So for me, I've had heaps of these different moments where, for example, like my second marriage, this was a relationship that was toxic. It was nasty. It was stressful. There was so much anxiety and fear and things involved in it. It was just really powerful. And one day I thought I actually deserve better than this, and I can't see this changing and I've just had enough. I've just had enough. And so I turned around and said, Right, I'm leaving. I've had it, yeah, and she weirdly went and displayed behaviour that basically just proved that what I was doing was the right thing, because it was all the behaviours that were making me leave. So it reinforced my decision.

So I knew then that it was a good decision, even though it was fearful, it was the right decision. I reached that point where I had just had enough. I was at breaking point, and it was either that or I was going to end up giving myself a stroke or something because of the stress.

So I want you to think about what's your breaking point? What's your moment when you're going to say I've had enough of my relationship being like this? I've had enough of my parenting being like this or my conflict resolution, or my mindset, or my stress levels, or my health or whatever. At what point are you going to say no more, no more, because that moment is going to be a glorious, beautiful moment in your life and only you can decide it. Only you can decide.

Now is the time where I've had enough and something different happens. What's going to be your moment? Because only you can decide. Only you can change it for the better. So this was just a little bit of a, hopefully a kick up the pants to strive to do it better, to get a better result for you. What's your breaking point? Is it going to be today, tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, 10 years? Hopefully not 10 years. You don't want to waste another 10 years of your life. That's not a good thing. Time's a most valuable resource.

So where's your breaking point or big moment? You can change before you hit that breaking point. You can do that as well. It's totally up to you. Okay, so that was today's episode. What's your breaking point? When are you going to change? You deserve it. Go for it. So until next time, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

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Is there such a thing as "The One" for a partner?

Fri, 08 Oct 2021 01:00:00 GMT

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

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Every day, you get to actually choose your emotions

Wed, 06 Oct 2021 01:00:00 GMT

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

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How do I stop feeling like a failure?

Mon, 04 Oct 2021 01:00:00 GMT

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What accountability are you using?

Fri, 01 Oct 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

In this one, I want to talk to you about something that's quite critical when it comes to improving your life, becoming a better version of you, trying to achieve any sort of goal, and that is something that's called accountability

Now, accountability is something external to yourself that holds you to what you say you want. So that could be a friend who you make a vow to, that you will do a particular thing or achieve a certain thing. It could be setting up some sort of punishment. If you don't achieve that particular goal, it could be someone who keeps putting in front of you the challenges that are holding you back to make sure that you overcome them. These sorts of things are critical in achieving what it is anyone wants to achieve in their life.

Generally, there is something that drives us on, and that drive has to be greater than any fear we have, because if you're trying to achieve something and a fear keeps stopping you, that's not a good thing. If you have someone or something that can keep you going, that is something that's worth hanging onto. That thing could be like I said, someone who will hold you accountable by putting in front of you your fears and saying "You said you do this. Why didn't you?" "What's stopping you? How can we get you past that?" Someone who has a great desire to see you achieve is someone that you want on your team. Someone who, regardless of how uncomfortable it may be, holds you accountable to make sure that you confront what it is that stopping you from achieving that so that you can.

An example I read many years ago was two ladies, and I may have spoken about this before, however, it's a good story and worth repeating. Two ladies wanted to try and lose weight. They had tried all the diets, the exercise, everything. Nothing had worked. They decided to make an accountability with each other that would guarantee their success. What they did is they went to the supermarket and they bought a tin of dog food. They had to make sure that the dog food contained horse-meat, it had to clearly say on the label contains horse meat.

The deal was if one of them said they didn't want to exercise or they thought that a good enough excuse not to exercise and they missed a session. They then had to eat that can of dog meat. How this worked for them is every time they felt like opting out, coming up with an excuse. They looked at the can of dog meat, saw that it contained horse-meat and went, "There's no way I'm eating that I'm exercising". So when you have something that's that painful, it will push you through any fear, hesitation or doubt that you've got.

A good one that I heard of a number of years ago is there's a number of these websites now where they will list a number of charities or research options that you would never support in your normal life. What you do is you put up a sizeable chunk of your cash. They put in a holding account, and if you fail to achieve that goal that you say you'll achieve, they give your money to that entity that you would never normally support. The driver of that is knowing that you would then be funding something that you're totally against, and then that gives you something on your conscience that makes you think I've got to make sure I do this thing.

So no matter what it is, if you have a big enough driver, you will keep doing it. I know for myself, mine is, I found the two things that would help me push through my fears. And every time I have a doubt, a hesitation or fear anything like that, I think of these two things and that manages to push me past that fear every time. So today's episode is What's your accountability? What are you using to hold you accountable for what it is you say you want to achieve? Do you have someone who's willing to call you on your journey and say, "Come on. You said you were going to do X, pull your socks up, get on with it", or is it going to be a website or some sort of punishment, like the dog food that will ensure that you get past that discomfort into your results?

The really cool thing about having this sort of thing is it helps you develop a momentum, and once you have a momentum. All you've got to do is keep it going, and then it's a lot easier to achieve what it is you say you want to achieve. So today's is what is your accountability. I want you to think about that. If you don't have any, find some because that's one thing that you're definitely going to need in this journey.

Okay, that's it for today. Thanks for listening. Glad my podcast is growing and I'm getting more and more people. So thank you for listening. Feel free to share it with your friends. I'd love that. You can send me a message if you want. Click the link in the show notes, and you can send me a ninety-second voicemail or send an email or even snail mail. Either way, be great to have some feedback. So look after yourselves. Keep up the good work and remember, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Where were you ten years ago?

Wed, 29 Sep 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, This is Wayne Brown from Life Back on Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

In this one, I want to talk to you about our most valuable resource, and sadly, it's one that we are inclined to not treat as valuably as we should, and that is time. Our time is something that once it is gone, we can't get any more of it.

We can get more money, we can get more assets, we can get more experiences, but we can't get any more time. Once it's gone, it's gone. And this is what I want to talk to you about today because the whole aim of these podcasts that I'm recording, all of the information that I create to be able to help people is to ensure that they don't get caught in like a Groundhog Day. They're not repeating the same year of their life over and over again. In fact, each year is better than the previous one.

So this episode we are getting you to look at where you were a year ago, where you were five years ago, where you were 10 years ago, and to see how different it is to where you are now. So, for example, if I looked at my own life, I know that my relationship with my wife is improving as time goes on, I know that my business is improving. I know that my relationships with my friends and my sons is improving, my ability to deal with various aspects of life. All the challenges that come with it is improving and getting better and better.

If I compared my life to 10 years ago when I was just ending my second marriage, I could quite honestly say that my life now is vastly different to what it was back then. Therefore, I know I'm making progress. Therefore, I know I'm making good use of my time. I also want to look at where I'm going. I want to make sure that in 10 years' time, my life will be improved again on what I have now.

This is what I want you to think about is, where has your life improved in the last 5, 10 years, and where do you envisage it being in another five or 10 years? Because if you feel that your life isn't going to be improving, then you need to be doing some work around making that improvement happen, because you are choosing, chewing up your most valuable resource, which is your time, if your relationships are not getting better, if your career choice isn't getting better, if your relationship with your children or your parenting skills are not getting better. If your conflict resolution isn't getting better, then you need to do something now before you run out of time, because something we are not guaranteed is tomorrow. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow.

Therefore, because of this, you want to make sure that everything is as good as it can be and everything is improving. So basically, that's all for today's episode which was an opportunity for myself to show you or to put in front of you an opportunity to assess and look back on the journey of your life and where you've been and also where you're going. So therefore, you can look at the results that are working, and you can keep doing those because they're moving you forward. They're improving your life and look at things that may not be working as well, so that you can refine them or learn a new skill.

So therefore, your results are going to be different in the years to come, rather than just repeating the same results you've had before. The one thing I know and the one thing that I tend to hammer my sons about is the making changes. Now don't wait 5, 10, 20 years to make the change. Make the change now, reap the benefit of your efforts.

Make your life as good as they can be. And the only way they can get better is if each year is an improvement on the previous one. So there you go. That's today's episode. Super quick, Super short. Straight to the point. Where's your life been? Where's it going?

So have a good think about where you can improve and where you want your life to be. If you want to leave a little ninety second message and let me know some of your story, there's a link in the show notes, and you can send me a ninety second voice message and let me know what your journey has been like and where it's going to. Other than that, look after yourself, keep practising and remember, here's to a good life

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Where do your values come from?

Mon, 27 Sep 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

In this episode I want to give you something to ponder, to think about, because it's something that can impact your life in a big way. When we are trying to become the best version of ourselves, when we are trying to get our life on track and get things under control and get it where we'd like it to be, so that we can truly enjoy our life.

We always have something we're striving for. We have an end result. We have a goal that we're aiming for, and where that can create a problem is when we have a standard, that is something that may not be attainable. So we have some level of perfection, some level of standard that has been set that we are striving for.

Now. The reason this can become a problem is if that standard, that level of attainment is not something that you've set, but your're taking on a value from someone else and using that as your standard, and that may fit them, but it doesn't fit you, but you're striving to attain it, so that you can get approval or, acceptance or something from this other person.

So the question I'd like you to ponder and to think about, is with your life and all the various aspects, where is the standard coming from for you to achieve what you're achieving? Where does it originate? Is it something from your parents where you're trying to get them to be proud of you or to accept you or to be able to encourage you? What is it?

What's the standard and where is it coming from, because, and I don't say this to try and trigger off something in you to cause you pain. I'm trying to save you some time because a lot of the times we may not have received that growing up, that acknowledgement or that acceptance, that sense of pride and as an adult who can cause you to strive for something which ultimately you may never get, but you waste a lot of time trying to attain it.

So I'd like to give you, in today's episode just a chance to think about that. So all the different aspects in your life, with your relationships, with your parenting, with your career, with your money. What is it you're striving for, and where does that value come from?

Because if you're striving for someone else's value to be accepted by them or whatever it is, you're moving yourself further and further away from what's authentic to you, what's congruent to you, what's going to matter to you?

Because at some point your life will end at some point and you definitely don't want to be looking back and saying, "Oh, I wish I'd done this job instead" or "I wish I dated this person", "I wish I had had children" or "not had children" or whatever it is you want to minimise your regrets. You want to look back on your life and go, "That was really good. I'm so glad I did all of that". And the only way you can do that is if you make sure that what you're striving to achieve is what you actually want to achieve.

So that was today's episode, just a super quick one. Just to get you to think about your values, your standard, your goals. Are they yours, or are they someone else's? Where did they originate from, and would you rather chase your values?

Because if you change your values, you may have to upset someone because, say, for example, your parents say they want you to be a lawyer or a doctor or something like that, but you'd rather be a dance choreographer. You're going to "let them down". So work out how that's going to sit with you, because you will upset someone. You have to work out what's more important, chasing their value, which may not get you the result that you think it will or be congruent with yourself and ultimately, be happier.

It's a battle within yourself, and it can lead to internal conflict, which can be a struggle. It can also be something you can move past. So anyway, that's it for today. I'll leave it here. Something for you to ponder about. Think about if you need any help, that's what we're here for, so feel free to reach out.

Send us a message through, click the link and you can send us a quick ninety second voicemail and we'll see how we can help. Okay, look after yourself and remember, here's to a good life

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

They are seriously messed up, but I'm totally fine

Fri, 24 Sep 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

Okay, in this one, I want to talk to you about something that's quite deep, a little confrontational and is potentially one of the best learning things you will ever get. It's a little thing called projection. You see, when we encounter people who challenge our perception, which is a nice way of saying they annoy the buggery out of us.

When you encounter these people, they bring up or they trigger within us, I should say, all of these what a lot of people refer to as 'negative' emotions. So these 'negative' emotions could be anger, frustration, disappointment, annoyance, rage, all of these sorts of emotions, and when they get triggered, one of our instant responses is "You made me..." whatever emotion it is.

The trouble is, this goes against us in two ways.

One; It infers that they have control and sovereignty over our emotions, about our reactions, about how we behave, and therefore they dictate the quality of our life. I'm pretty sure that's not what you want to do. You don't want to give dominion of yourself to someone who is not you. I'm sure you would rather have control of yourself. If you would rather have control of yourself, this episode is going to be good for you.

So you have someone who has come along. They have triggered you. A particular emotion has come out. You've reacted, retaliated, justified, explained, or whatever in response to what emotion they have triggered. Many years ago, I used to subscribe to this method where I would say "You made me angry", "You made me..", "The issue...made me that", until one day I started thinking about my emotions and what I realised was, and I'll go into this in other episodes about the emotions.

When we suppress our so called 'negative' emotions, we also suppress our 'positive' emotions. So a lot of the time we're told, don't get angry, to calm down, all of this sort of thing. In other words, ignore these 'negative' emotions. Now, if you try to ignore them, they're just going to come back in a bigger form. So you will be triggered more and more by someone because you're trying to suppress these emotions.

These emotions are trying to give you an opportunity to learn about yourself so that you can become more and become more congruent with who you really are. So when you get triggered, the key is not to react in that way, but to explore where that reaction comes from. A lot of the times where that comes from is that person that has triggered it is not being a catalyst, they're not being a trigger, not the cause of our problem. All they are doing is mirroring back to ourselves something about ourselves that we may not like.

We might have repressed it. We might have disowned it. We might have tried to ignore it. Basically, we tried to cut ourselves off from that aspect of ourselves. So a lot of the times we're not angry at them. We're angry at ourselves and a lot of the times, exactly what is being mirrored back to us is what we need to learn from. To accept back into ourselves, to re-own, to assimilate back into ourselves, so that we can start to become more of what we already are. We just want to become more of who we are.

So this little thing called projection is something that is rampant in our world, people find it very easy to blame, very easy to point fingers, very easy to abdicate control of themselves to other people. The problem with this, of course, is it's never ending. If you're blaming one person, you've got to blame another person, until you stop blaming others and own these things that you're projecting onto others. Then you can start to become more of who you are, become more in control so that you start to choose your life.

You start to choose your results, you start to choose your emotions. Then once you get to that situation, then you start to move into the position of empowerment, where you are not at the whim of other people and their so called control of you.

So projection is something that is a powerful tool to learn about, because it's something that a lot of us do, and it doesn't work for any of us. It just causes more frustration than it needs to. So if you want to move forward in your life, one thing you should start looking at is your projections. The things that you push on to other people that are really your stuff. It's your stuff that you need to deal with, that you need to explore, that you need to draw back into yourself so you can become whole.

You can become complete from your efforts, not relying on someone else to complete you will make you whole. It's your job. So projection, it's a very deep hole to go down. If you want to go down, it's worth exploring, though it is worth exploring.

Some of my best a-ha moments have been when the mirror has been held up in front of me and I couldn't look away any further and I had to admit certain things. When I admitted those things, things really started to change. So that's your little lesson for today.

Start to own what is being mirrored back to you and stop projecting it onto other people. Bear in mind, of course, you are also a mirror for other people, so if you annoy them, frustrate them, disappoint them, whatever, that's then their journey. You're just mirroring back to them.

So there you go. Really good epiphany. Really good lesson. If you want to be open to it, you may need to listen to this a few times to be able to drum this into your head, how big a moment this is.

So Yeah. There you go. Thanks for listening to my podcast which has started to gain momentum. I'm getting more and more listeners around the world, which is really cool, starting to hopefully make an impact on people. You can send me feedback questions, whatever you want, because there's a link in the show notes where you can leave a quick ninety second voice message, so you'll get a chance to record it, listen to it to make sure you're happy with it, then send it. Then I get to hear your wonderful voice saying, "Hi", and giving me feedback, telling me a question, whichever it is, we look forward to it.

Otherwise, look after yourselves, keep practising everything and remember, here's to a good life

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What do you talk about when you are on a date?

Wed, 22 Sep 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome back to the latest episode.

I help people with many aspects of life, and one that I help people with a lot is their dating. So single people that want to get out there and want to meet someone who they can have a good relationship with. Of course, the big obstacle with any relationship, regardless of how much you want it, is you have to go out there and first of all, meet people, and then you have to be able to get them on a date, and then you have to make sure the date goes well enough that they enjoy your company, and then you can get into a relationship with them.

The one challenge that always seems to come up when I'm coaching people is what do I talk about on a date? Regardless of how comfortable and social you may feel, you are generally going to have moments when the conversation gets awkward, or it stalls. You might be on a subject that's a bit iffy, and you don't know if they're going to be comfortable answering it. So it's always one of these, how do we navigate this and ask questions where I'm going to be able to find out about them and figure out if they're a good fit for me, and if I should be in a relationship with them,

That's a really good place to start, is what do I talk about when I'm on a date with someone? Now there are a few things I would highly recommend. First of all, avoid vanilla conversation. Okay, A lot of people they go with what's comfortable. They go with what's easy, which is they talk about their job, and a lot of people when they're outside of their job and socialising, they don't want to talk about their job because then they start whinging and moaning about the things that they find challenging at work, and when you first meet someone you don't want to be whinging and griping about the people that you work with.

They also talk about things that are not really relevant to who the person is, so they'll talk about things that are superficial and don't really matter much, they don't reveal much of the true person, so what you want to do is be avoiding those vanilla questions, the ones that are boring and typical and generally will make you look boring because you like everyone else, you want to be able to stand out and be a little bit different.

This makes you a little more memorable, and if you deliver questions correctly, regardless of what the subject matter is, people are going to be far more likely to engage with you and enjoy engaging with you. So first of all, you want to be asking questions that find out about the person. A really good way, and I'll use this one as an example because it's a little bit intense, a little bit confrontational, very revealing and worth asking. The problem is, a lot of people get told, "Don't ask this sort of question", for myself, I believe you absolutely should ask this question. Now you're probably wondering, What's this question? The question is about the subject matter of their ex partner.

What you want to do is be asking them some questions based around their partner, their ex partners. Sorry, so about their last relationship, or maybe all their relationships. So you want to be asking things like "Why do you think your last relationship failed?" "What was something good that you enjoyed about your last relationship?" "What is something you learned about it?" And these sorts of questions will reveal a number of things to you and reveal to you their emotional maturity.

So if they start blaming the other person, they start calling them names. If they start basically denigrating them, you know that they're probably not that emotionally mature. If they are able to clearly, and respectfully, articulate why they broke up, That is a really good thing, because then they have the emotional maturity. If they are saying "Well, at first we thought we'd be a good, really good fit, but as time progressed, we found we weren't really that much of a fit, and even though we still had respect and connection, we felt it's probably better that we weren't together so that we could find people who were a better fit. I still keep in contact with them occasionally because I want to make sure that they're okay. We don't hang out. However, you know, we just a few times a year just check in and see how the others doing so Yeah, they were really nice person who just didn't really work for us".

So if they're saying something like that, you know they're pretty cool. If they start down the negative path, you might know it's probably not going to be good. And also it shows you, if you were dating them or in a relationship with them and it didn't work, that's how they may be behaving with you, which is something you want to be avoiding because you don't want to have someone that's going around slandering you. You also want to ask them what was something good about it, because if they've got balance within them, they will know that there were good parts about the relationship and there were challenging parts.

So even with my most challenging relationship, there were still good things about it. There were things that we enjoyed. There were things that we experienced together that were good. So even though it wasn't a particularly pleasant relationship overall, there were still aspects where it was good where we had really pleasant moments where we actually enjoyed each other's company. So you might want to ask them. You know, what's something really good about your last relationship or about your relationships in general, so these sorts of questions will reveal a lot to you and save you a lot of time.

Now, when you're delivering the questions, you always want to have a curious tone, which means at the end of your statement, you want to go up. So any sentence where you go up at the end is a question. So conversely, if you ask something and it goes down at the end, it's a command. It becomes definite, always be going up at the end of your sentences. And you also want to have that energy of I'd really like to know. I'm curious. So if you want and you are comfortable, please tell me because I'm all ears. So you want to have that energy as well. This means, and it shows them that you're respectful and you do genuinely want an answer.

Now what else should you ask? Well, there are literally hundreds of questions. Thousands of questions you can ask. There are three questions that I've been using for years. Long before I even started coaching people, I came across these questions and I like them and they tended to reveal a lot about people.

These questions were, "if I gave you an open check, open amount to buy any vehicle you want, what would you go and buy?" So originally, I used to ask, "What car would you buy?" but then I started meeting people that, like motorbikes and some like planes and some like helicopters. And so I now say "vehicles", "mode of transport", "If I offered to buy you any mode of transport you wanted. What would you get?" So this can reveal a lot about people. So if they say I would have a Volvo station wagon, you know that they're very practical and pragmatic and probably family orientated and safety orientated. So ask them what sort of vehicle they would have or mode of transport can reveal a lot about them. Also, if you want to dig further, asked them to describe it, So would they customise it? Would they have it a particular colour? Would they, you know ,what would they use it for? Would it be a regular car? Would it be a special car, explore and have fun with it? So that was always a question that I enjoyed asking.

Another one that I enjoyed asking is "if I could wave a magic wand and magically grant you any skill, qualification, ability, that you needed to do any job in the world, and you didn't have to worry about money. so you can literally do anything, what would you do?" And this always spins me out, the vast majority, and I mean 98% of people will say a job that's very different to what they're actually doing for their occupation or their trade or their craft. I've only had one person that I can recall that actually said the job that they were doing, which blew me out the water. But it does reveal a lot about people and their goals, what they would like in their life, what they enjoy, what gives them satisfaction. And it also also can show you where they've set up barriers for themselves that stopped them from achieving what they want.

A really good question to ask, another one I used to really enjoy asking was, and this is a deeper one, and it takes a little bit of time to answer and explore. So have your answer for this ready so that you can give them examples as to what to aim for. And it is this. "You're hosting a dinner party, for yourself and five other people. These five other people can be real. They can be fictional. They can be living, they can be dead. It doesn't matter. Which five people would you invite and why?" So while they're thinking about who they are, who they'd invite, explain to them who you would. Now this reveals a lot about people. It shows you how philosophical they might be. It might show you how empathetic, humanitarian based, how comedy based, how intellectual based.

They are based off the people that they invite. So I tried this question many years ago to a young English lad, and he rattled off these five names of these women and I'd never heard any of them. And I'm thinking, you know, maybe they're singers or actresses or scientists or could have been anything, really. And I said to him, Very confused, said, "Who are these women? I've never heard of them". And he goes "they're soccer players wives" and I suddenly thought, "Oh my God, you are such a shallow git, and it amazed me. How quickly it revealed how shallow he was. So a question like that can reveal a lot about people.

So there are three questions that can very quickly show you about people, what they're about. And there's heaps of others as well. Here's just a couple of thinking off the top of my head from the hundreds that I know "You go to bed tonight, you lay your head down at a magical pillow. When you wake up in the morning, you can wake up anywhere in the world, literally, anywhere in the world. Where would you wake up and why?" So this will reveal to you they have romantic inclinations. If they like getting away from it all and just getting off grid, it shows you whether they like to go and get pampered. So again it can show you a fair bit about the person.

So the questions you ask on a date need to be ones that reveal who they are. And just about any question can be delivered in the right way and answered because if you deliver it in the right way, they'll answer and might be offended because they'll see, you are genuinely curious. You want to know you're not trying to wind them up. You're trying to get an answer. So having yourself a nice little collection of non vanilla questions, which is what I like to call them so you can use one of the ones I've just used. And the really cool thing about a good question is you can explore that one subject for hours.

So, for example, if I asked someone the pillow question, "you go to bed. Magical pillow, you wake up anywhere in the world" they could answer, whatever, and I say, "Why? What is it about that destination that appeals to you?" "What is it that sings to you?" "Does it speak to your heart?" "What do you get out of it?" "What particular things would you do while you were there?" "What sort of things would hold your interest?" So there's lots of different directions. You can take it and explore who this person is.

All you need to do is ask a good question to get started. So what do you talk about on a date? Anything and everything except vanilla questions. Stay away from the vanilla questions. If you stick with the non vanilla questions. You can have some amazing conversations. I've had amazing conversations with people exploring these sorts of questions, and it's good fun. You can have a good laugh. And the good thing is, it shows that you're not like anyone else, that you actually care, you're willing to listen.

There are so many positives to using these sorts of questions, so get out there, practise them with friends and family or work colleagues or anyone. So, people you're comfortable with, explore with them first, get used to them with people, you know, using these questions. Then when you go on a date, you can actually use these questions and explore them and have real fun with them. So get out there, practise enjoy them. And remember, practise makes perfect with this. Okay, that's really, really important. The more you practise, the easier they get, the more you'll think of them.

So I'm really good at thinking of questions now. Took a while to get there, had to practise a lot, so get out there, practise them, have fun with them and remember, Here's to a good life

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

No matter how bad it is, it can still be good as well

Mon, 20 Sep 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, this is Wayne Brown. Welcome back to the latest episode.

In this one I want to talk to about a mindset shift. As humans, we tend to be very good at noticing negatives, at noticing challenges, at noticing obstacles. It's really easy for us to spot what's difficult and what's stopping us from getting what we want.

The interesting thing about life is, no matter how shitty a situation is, there's something positive in it, and even in something that's amazing, there's still going to be some aspects that are going to be painful or challenging. So these balances with everything within life. What I wanted to talk to you about is when I first spoke about where you have a situation where there's lots of negatives, you feel overwhelmed. You feel like you're never going to get there. You feel like everything is against you. How do you sit there and find something to cling to so that you can get forward motion and get your results?

I'll tell you a little bit about my past so that I can give you some context as to how to find this little nugget of gold that you'll be looking for. Many years ago, I started learning about how to get better with relationships and communication and all of this sort of thing. After a number of years, I felt I was making progress, and I felt I was ready for another relationship. So through a friend of mine, I met another lady and we hooked up, and at first it all seemed good. We got on well, we enjoyed each other's company. We hung out together. We decided to make it serious and move in together. From that point on, it all went massively, pear shaped. We tended to argue about anything and everything. Our struggles seem to be numerous. Our arguments seem to be endless, and it seemed like it was all hopeless. We would wake up in the morning, and within minutes of us both being awake, we'd be having an argument, we would go off to work, all stressed and tense and wound up. I'd phone her because at the time I was working night shift, I would phone her on my break and my half hour lunch break would turn into an hour and a half argument with her about God knows what.

It was draining. It took all my energy. It took all my joy. It was a big challenge for both of us and very toxic for both of us, it was not healthy at all at the time. All I could see was it stretching off into the horizon for years and years and years of this arguing and fighting and the stress. It was whenever we were together and it didn't matter where we're going to argue. If it was in front of family, friends, out in public. We had a business together. If it was there, it didn't matter. She was happy to argue in front of everyone. I did everything I could think of to stop the arguments, to alleviate the tension, nothing seemed to work, and I remember in that time it felt very debilitating. I felt like I was stuck. I felt like I couldn't get anywhere. The stress was phenomenal. I thought I was going to suffer a heart attack at any time, or a stroke or something because of the tension in my body.

If I had known what I know now, or even a fraction of what I've realised, I would have found things in there that would have given me an opportunity to become more of who I authentically am, so I can become more congruent with what I wanted. However, it would take me another few years before I clicked to all of this. Now, looking back on it, I can say there were numerous opportunities where, in spite of all the stress, in spite of all the tension and the arguments and the toxicity, in spite of all of that, there were moments where if I had had the awareness, I could have stepped into those moments and created something that may not have been an ideal relationship, but it could have started working for both of us because she obviously needed a partner to be a certain way.

At that time, I couldn't be it. And it's only now looking back, I realised what she needed, and I did let her down because I didn't have that awareness. So now you're probably wondering how this would apply to you in your situation. Now I don't know your situation. The only situation I know with any detail, any depth is my own. I know aspects of what other people have taught me, told me about their situation and so I have a glimpse as to what other people are being challenged with. However, I know having worked with numerous people dealing with conflict and all of these sorts of challenges in relationships and parenting and workplaces, I've realised that you can always find something that's going to work for you, and that is now what I help people do.

I help them get congruent with who they are and help them get authentic with their identity. And it's stepping into that strength and a lot of the time we attract these people that give us this opportunity to become more than who we are. So even these people who can be the most challenging to us and cause us the most amount of pain can give us these opportunities to truly become something awesome. I know where I am now, I can see, I certainly would not have reached this point had it not been for my second wife. If she had not been the person that challenged me and kicked me and confronted me with all of these things that I needed to learn but didn't if she hadn't have been giving me those opportunities, and I hadn't eventually woken up. I never would be where I am now.

I'd probably still be in relationships that were toxic and struggling and stressful and argumentative and full of conflict. So what I'm trying to basically say to you is no matter your situation, regardless of what it is, and you could tell me all of the details and the information and the story and all of this sort of thing. However, it can be pretty certain that we could sum it up in a few sentences so that you could recognise the positives, the aspects that are going to allow you to become more of who you are, so that your life will be more authentic and you can be more congruent with your true self.

So the little nugget of wisdom I want to pass on to you today is keep looking for that little nugget of gold, that little pearl of wisdom, that little opportunity, that little challenge that's going to give you that, no matter how bad your situation, there is guaranteed something in there that will allow you become more of who you are so that you can be a better parent, a better partner, a better friend, a better work colleague, a better employee, a better employer if you happen to be an employer.

So there's always these opportunities to be more of who you are, and I want you to look for them. That's your challenge for the next week is to look for these little opportunities. So when someone pushes your buttons, when someone annoys you, when someone frustrates you, when someone disappoints you, so when someone stresses you out, when someone's argumentative, look for that little nugget of gold that is going to make that situation absolutely brilliant for you, and they are there. Trust me. Just keep looking. Keep looking. You'll find them.

When you find them, you'll see them. More and more situations will become easier. You'll become more adept at dealing with them. They will start to become or feel like they are starting to become less because you're getting better at dealing with them. And then you get to a point where even if the situation seems to be overwhelming to you based off your past experience, you can actually get a really good result because you know what to look for now

So that's your homework for the week. Go out. Find those little nuggets of gold and use them. Become more, become more of who you are. Become more congruent, become more authentic. Let nothing stand in your way from growing into who you are meant to be. I know you can do, what I've seen lots of people do it.

So go out there, Do this for you. Do this for the people you care about and I look forward to hearing your stories. So until then, until I hear from you, look after yourself from room and remember, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What to do with someone who complains

Fri, 17 Sep 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

In this one, I want to talk about something that I encountered the other day. I was at one of my social groups and there are a couple of people there who partook of a behaviour, which seems to be quite common, and the funny thing is, the people that do it don't see anything wrong with it, and the people are subject to it are the ones that struggle with it. So I just wanted to explore it a little bit and that's whinging.

So whinging, whining, complaining, whatever you want to call it. It's basically the desire of someone to cling to negative viewpoints, negative opinions, negative observations. They tend to do this almost habitually in as much as when they're doing that, they can go on endlessly. There never seems to be an end to it. So I want to talk about some of the reasons why people do it, how to get them to stop doing it, and also maybe what to do if you're one of them, which could be. Everyone likes to have a little bit of a whinge now and then. The challenge is when it gets out of control.

So some of the reasons why people do it. Whinging is a lot easier than actually going out and seeking a solution. Anyone can whinge. You can whinge endlessly forever and achieve nothing but feel better because you've got it out. The problem is when some people are inclined to complain, they will do it endlessly. Now there's a number of reasons why they tend to do it endlessly. One is they've been trained from a young age, so they've seen it modelled in their parents and the people around them, and as we tend to want to fit in, we tend to adopt that same behaviour. So if our parents were complainers, we tend to be complainers, so if someone is doing that endlessly, it's just because no one's ever taught them anything different. And it's an easier thing to do. Rather than actually finding a solution.

People that whinge, they tend to congregate together. They tend to form little groups and clusters where they can compare their stories and see who's got the biggest challenge. Who's got the biggest problem that they have to deal with. Now, of course, it's very easy to compare. Everyone's got challenges, problems and obstacles. It's easy to list them. I could list hundreds that I've had in my life. Doesn't achieve anything, though, just wastes my time.

So if you're one of the people who is doing the whinging, you might want to stop, as it tends to wear people down. If you're someone who's being subjected to the whinging, you may want to use some of these little options I'm going to give you so that you can break them of that habit of whinging.

A nice easy one is just say to them. "I'm limited in my time, and I only want to devote so much of it to whinging. I'm only going to give you two minutes". A friend of mine, when she gets together with her girlfriends, they allow each other five minutes, like literally five minutes. When it hits five minutes, you stop your whinge, and after that you can't do any more whinging, which I think is a fun way to do it, because then you will be a little more selective about what you whinge about.

Which I like that little method, which is good for friends. But if you're at work, it's a little bit harder. So one thing to do is to just tell them that there's a time limit. Now, if you're struggling to do that one, because you know they don't want to have a time limit, they want to be able to whinge endlessly. You might need to snap them out of it. So there's things like a state break. So if you give someone, something that is sufficiently distanced from what they're talking about, you can actually get them to forget what they were talking about. So they could be complaining about the work hours or the pay or something or other. And then you can throw something at them completely left of field. There's got nothing to do with work to the point where they just like, uh, almost pushed back and off their feet and they're off balance, and they don't know where to go from there and where you take it is up to you as long as it's somewhere sufficiently distanced from what they're talking about, to completely bamboozle them.

So I've always found in the past when people are doing too much, just throw a bit of trivia at them. So they're doing a whinge when they've got a bit of a break you say "I was watching a documentary the other night and they were saying that the Octopus has three hearts and it's actually got a brain for each of its tentacles, which I thought was absolutely fascinating". And they'll just go, "what?" and then just keep talking as if nothing's wrong, and then they'll soon forget about whinging. And if you do it often enough, eventually they'll either stop whinging when they talk to you or they'll stop talking to you, which is always a good thing.

Now if you really want to shake them up. So if someone is habitually whinging to you. And the worst thing is when people whinge, it's the same stuff again and again and again, so nothing really changes. One that I've always liked throwing in on people is when they're whinging about something, I'll get to a certain point where they're happily still going on about something, and when they pause, you ask them "So what are you going to do about it?" And they might say, "Oh yeah, but you don't understand... blah, blah, blah" and you just say "No. I understand. You're just telling me all of this information, which is completely irrelevant. What I want to know is, what are you going to do about it? How are you going to resolve this? How are you going to minimise it? How are you going to make sure it doesn't happen again? How are you going to make sure you can be free of this? How are you going to resolve this situation" and basically keep throwing that at them, and they'll either do one of two things.

Again, they'll either stop talking to you or they'll actually start to think about a solution, they can seek a solution, that they can follow up on to be able to do something about it so that their life is better and therefore they stop whinging as much.

Now, if you're someone that's doing the whinging, you may want to do that. When you're whinging, which is fine, everyone is allowed to whinge if they want. If you're trying to break that habit, follow it up with a whinge, whinge, complain about whatever it is and then say "So what I'm going to do is X" so that that person, whoever you're unloading on instead of them just suffering their way through listening to you whinge, they'll actually see that you're trying to resolve the situation. You're trying to move forward. Therefore, they're going to be a little more willing to listen to you unload and complain next time so that each time you have a solution and you're hashing it out, and in fact, that's probably one of the only times that whinging is suitable. You use it to dump all the information of a situation out, and then you seek an answer.

You actually actively explore a solution rather than just unloading all of this rubbish. So that's it about whinging. If you're listening to it, you don't need to. And if you're doing it, stop. It's as simple as that. Really, you know, it's natural. We all do it. How much you do, it makes a big difference to the quality of your life, so you might want to consider doing a little bit more proactively if you're going to complain anyway.

That's it for today. Hope that's giving you a little bit of information. Until next time, look after yourselves. Feel free to send me a voicemail with some feedback or questions or whatever. And until the next time I speak to you, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why it's brave to admit you're scared

Wed, 15 Sep 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

In this one, I want to talk about something that has affected my life rather greatly when I was younger, and I see it affects a lot of other, particularly men. Women also fall prey to this. It's, however, a predominantly male thing because it's very much tied in with our masculinity, and that is admitting that you're scared.

When we're young, as young boys, we get taunted, we get teased, we get harassed, if we admit that we're scared. We've become conditioned to hide our fear, to have shame about being scared, so we tend to tie a lot of things in with that. When we make a mistake, we don't want to admit that we've made a mistake. So again, the shame in that we have all of these aspects of our life, you know, if we're struggling, if we're feeling depressed, if we're sad, if we're scared all of these things we get given a stigma, we get shame about it so that we fear putting it out.

The challenge with this, though, is at some point it becomes overwhelming, and it becomes damaging to us. So for me, I know I struggled with this one for a lot of years. What I realised was, after doing a little bit of reading, is that admitting these things takes immense strength. It takes immense courage because you're basically opening yourself up to people's judgement, to their belief system about you.

The part where it becomes truly empowering, admitting that you're scared is when the opinion of someone else and you're admitting that this has no bearing. In other words, you can say you're scared and it doesn't matter what you think of them and what they think about you, that is truly a part of empowerment, which is pretty cool. Now, of course, is it simple to get to there? Not necessarily. It can be very challenging, however, if you're one of these people like I was, and you're listening to this and you're struggling with admitting that you're scared or you've made a mistake or that you're feeling overwhelmed. If you're in one of these situations, the easiest way to get on top of it is to just start with something small and admit it to someone who you can trust and get used to saying,

The more you do anything, the easier it gets and admitting that you're scared, admitting that you're doubtful, admitting that you've got concerns, that you've made a mistake, are all these sorts of things which are normal and they're part of life and even something as simple as admitting a mistake. A lot of the times were fearful of the other person's retaliation. So, for example, if we're at our workplace and we make a mistake, we could be fearful to tell our boss or a supervisor because we believe they're going to embarrass us. They're going to negate us. They're going to do things and say things that are going to damage our self esteem and our self worth, and that may be true. They may try doing that. You can stop that pretty quickly, though.

I've had that in the past, and I've worked out how to stop people from doing that to me. But if you start with admitting when you're struggling, for example, say you don't understand something, someone's explaining something. You go. "I'm not getting that. Can you explain that again, please?" And then you get used to that and then you can admit you've made a mistake, and then you can deal with, however that pounds out, and then as you go along, it'll get easier and easier, and eventually you'll get the hang of it and you will realise how much courage you have in admitting it, and soon it will become a complete non event.

So if you're scared, if you're concerned, if you're worried, if you've made a mistake, you'll just say it because you won't be dependent on the opinion of others for your self worth or your self esteem. So this was just a quick one today because I was talking to a friend the other day and we were talking about this admitting that you're scared and how it's actually showing that you're brave and we had a bit of a discussion about it, and it was a good discussion, and that's where this episode stemmed from, how a lot of people are scared to admit they're scared.

But once you admit it, you're actually brave in doing it. So you almost negate the fear by admitting that you've got it, which is a little bit of an irony. So I just wanted to put this one out there and say to you, if you're scared, if you've made a mistake, if you're fearful of that judgement, that's normal. Everyone goes through that. I want you to know, though, when you stand up and say I'm worried about this, I'm scared. I'm struggling, that doesn't make sense, I've made a mistake. When you can say that and you don't hesitate, then you truly are someone who is brave, courageous, strong and someone who is worth admiring.

So I actively encourage you to go and get comfortable with admitting these things. So, yeah, quick episode today just wanted to put that one out there for something for you to ponder and aspire to and work towards. So keep up the good work. Thanks for listening. I'm getting more and more listeners around the world as we go along, and that's really wonderful knowing that there's people out there listening. If you've got friends or family that you feel might benefit from these podcasts, feel free to pass it on to them.

Also, if you want to give me any feedback or send a question or something like that, there's a link in the show notes that you can click and you can send me a little voice mail and ninety second voicemail because it's always nice hearing voices, rather than reading emails, however, you can also send me an email that's also wonderful.

So anyway, thank you very much for listening. Have a great day and remember, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How do I stop getting rejected?

Mon, 13 Sep 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome back to the episodes.

Apologies for missing a week there because my throat went absolutely nuts and I couldn't speak properly and was hacking and coughing, and I'm sure you didn't want to listen to that in a podcast, so that's why I took a week's break to let my throat get over.

As you can see or hear, I should say, you can tell I'm still a little bit croaky but pretty well functional.

So today's episode I want to talk to you about something that affects a lot of people, especially people who are single and especially when they're out, trying to approach someone that they like the look of so that they can have a conversation and connect with that person and see if maybe you're a fit to be in a relationship.

So this thing is this lovely little result that we call rejection. Now rejection is when you walk up to someone and they state that they don't want to talk to you. You have this feeling of being rejected and all these feelings of not being enough and your self worth comes into play and you start to feel bad about yourself and you start to beat yourself up and it can be quite traumatising.

There's a few things I want to point out to you, both from the perspective of the person walking up and also from the perspective of the person being approached, because when you understand it a little better, it still hurts, but it doesn't hurt as long or as intensely, and you can actually use what happened in the interaction to be able to reduce the chances of your being rejected the next time.

So I had to figure all of this out myself. A lot of it I learned and read bits and pieces, and then I put it all together when I created my "Dating Template", which I used to go out and find my wife. Now I'm naturally one of these people that is very shy, very reserved, I struggle to approach people. It took me a while to get started, which is always the hardest part of approaching because I was very much riddled with these fears.

So I'm very familiar, very comfortable with them because they're an old friend from a long time ago anyway, when you're walking up to someone, you obviously have all these fears of rejection, fears of embarrassment, all of these fears that hold you back from walking up to someone. Now this is natural because it's an unknown situation. You don't know what the outcome is going to be now. Obviously, they're not going to go completely nutso and attack you. You don't know that. Well, you know it's not going to happen because we're a relatively modern society. You know, that possibility is very small, like ridiculously small. However, we still have these fears that are hardwired into us from generations and generations. So when we approach, we have these naturally.

Now the reason that people reject us so quickly, flipping over to the other side of the coin, to the person being approached. There's a few different aspects of them and their situation you need to consider, and to bear in mind that will help minimise the rejection part. First of all, you don't know what sort of day they've had. Now they could have just been fired from their job. They could be dealing with the death of a friend or a family member. They could have just been dumped by their partner. They could be with people they haven't seen for a really long time, and they're just trying to catch up. So time is precious. You don't know what their situation is.

Now they have two choices. They can either reject you the way that people usually do, which is "I don't want to talk to you", which is a little harsh. Or they could be a little more civilised, which is a little more unlikely but would obviously yield better results because then they could explain to you. "Look, now is not a good time. I normally would, but not tonight. Sorry", but that usually doesn't happen, unfortunately.

So we're dealing with, they just put their hand up and go. "No thanks". Now, also, you don't know what their history is of being approached. You don't know if they're regularly approached by aggressive people or people who say things inappropriate or whether they're heavily inebriated people. So you don't know who normally comes up to talk to them, so they could have a triggered response because of this history. So you need to bear that in mind, okay?

Also they could be just someone who is uncomfortable being approached in certain situations. So you have all of these responses that they would have that you know nothing about. But when they "reject" us in inverted commas by putting their hand up, well, whatever they do to indicate they don't want to talk to you, we take it personally and that's normal. However, it's a little bit crazy because it's based on no information whatsoever. We don't know any of that information I just said.

Okay, so if you bear that in mind and maybe even have a little bit of a dialogue, you know, for example, just off the top of my head, you might say something like, "That's a shame, because you look like someone who would be fun to talk to. However, obviously, now is not a good time. Have a good evening or day or whatever it is" and then walk away.

So then then that lets them know that you were a decent person, so maybe in a little while, they'll think "actually they did seem OK" and they might come up and talk to you. Now chances again not huge, but you handle it well. It shows that you have a certain quality. Now from their point of view, also, how can they reject you? Because they don't know who you are. Okay, But again, we take it personally.

Okay? So for myself, when I was out there, it took a little while to get started. But once I was started, I was having fun, and I realised, how could they reject someone of such high quality? So if they didn't want to talk to me, which did happen twice in over 170 women, then they were losing out on me. So that made it a little bit easier. Now let's look into why we get rejected. Now I'm going to look at this predominantly from the male point of view of being rejected, because it's usually the male that approaches the woman. However, there are women that approach men, and also you get rejected. So it goes both ways.

You know, no one is immune from this, unfortunately, so first of all, you need to bear in mind their scenario. You don't know what that is, So try to bear that in mind. So you don't take it so personally. Okay? But also taking that into mind. How can you minimise it? First of all, the thing you need to do is you need to have confident body language because people look at someone and they make a judgement within seconds. So if you can remove some of those judgments or alter those judgments for the better, your chances of being accepted are so much greater.

So first of all, you need to have good body language. Now that body language you're looking for is confident. Now our most vulnerable body parts are our throat and our chest. So someone who is unconfident would walk with their head bowed down to protect their throat and their shoulders pulled forward to protect their chest. And they might even have their arms crossed or in their pockets or something like that. So someone who approaches like that looks very unconfident and therefore could be threatening. But if you look confident, so you put your head up exposing your throat, you put your shoulders back a little bit, which puts your chest out and shows that you're confident you have your hands by your side and your palms visible so they can see you're not carrying something. Therefore, subconsciously, they can see that you're not a threat. You're not dangerous, and this is particularly true with women because obviously men are stronger physically, so we can hurt them or they have to be more alert to these things.

So it's not a personal thing. It's a self preservation thing, and that's important. So you're walking up with good body language, all right. It's confidence. They can see you're safe. You also want to have a good energy, so when you're walking up, you want to be, if you're watching them, you'll see from their body language how energetic they are. So if they're using small movements, they will tend to have a lower energy. If they're using bigger movements, they will tend to be a higher energy. You can also tell by the volume of their voice things like that. So if you come in at around the same level or maybe a little bit higher, you're more likely to be accepted because you're already like them.

So if I walk up to a group of women, they're about a reasonable energy level and I walk up and I'll go "Hi ladies, how you going?" (said with a low energy), they're just going to say who is this guy? And they're not going to want to talk to me. Conversely, if they're about an average energy and I come in and I'm all "Hey, ladies, how are you going?" (said with a very high energy) They're just going to go. This guy is an idiot, So you need to have an energy about the same as them.

Okay, You also want to let them know that you're fun, You're enjoyable to be around. You're worth having a conversation with, or an interaction with of some sort. So again, that's your energy. You know, you want to show that you're friendly and also and this is a really good one. The body language and the energy level. I almost forgot. Remember to smile. Studies have shown that smiling automatically improves your attractiveness, so go in and smile as you approach, and it's got to be a proper smile. If you smile, your eyes have to be involved. If you're just smiling with your mouth, it's actually a grimace. And that's not a good look. You want to be smiling with your eyes, so going in with those three will greatly decrease your chances of being rejected just using those three.

Now that will get you past the initial rejection. You also want to make sure that you engage them in a conversation that is different to what they have used to before and shows that you're again, someone who's different and a higher value than other people. So if you come in with usual, "what's your name?" "What do you do?" conversation, you're going to bore people really quickly. If you come in with something that's a little bit interesting, and that could be anything. I mean, I've got documents that I give to my clients that are full of questions, like nearly 700 questions. So you go through and just pick out a few that you can use to start a conversation.

A question that I've used for many years is "If I could wave a magic wand and give you any skill, ability, class of qualification that you needed to do any job on the planet and money wasn't important, so you could do a volunteering job, what job would you choose to do?" Amazingly, that has started off some really cool conversations because people invariably answer with something that's completely different to what they do. So I've had some really good conversations with people over the years on that one. So you could lead with something like that.

You could lead with "If you went to bed tonight, laid your head down and it was a magical pillow, and you could wake up anywhere in the morning anywhere in the world. Where would you wake up?" Again, you can start a conversation that is a little bit more interesting, then you can take that in the direction of holidays, best holidays and dream holidays and why, and all this sort of thing.

So suddenly you've got a conversation that's not like anything they've ever had before. It's where the person who's actually interesting and they think, "Wow, this person is fun. They're interesting. They're not like everyone else", and you're far more likely to be accepted.

So those four things, your body language, your energy level, your smile and you're what I call non-vanilla questions will greatly minimise your chances of being rejected. Now, a little quick tip I was just talking about this two days ago at a one day workshop is when you approach someone, How you handle that response and how to handle that response can actually have an impact on what happens next. So be aware. You want to be elegant, you want to be respectful. You want to be mature, so you walk up and they reject you. If you carry on and make a scene out of it, the next person you may have approached could have seen that interaction. You walk up and guess what? They're rejecting you because they don't want to risk going through that. So if you when they reject, you say, "Okay, it's a shame. You look like you were fun. I would have enjoyed your company. Either way, have a good evening" and you walk on. You're seen by the next person, as someone who is in control of themselves and is mature, and you'll have a greater chance of approaching them, and conversely, that person if they reject you and they do it really nastily and the person who was going to walk up to them sees that, there's no way they're going to risk walking up and having that sort of reaction.

In both of those instances, you could have missed out on the person who might have been right for you to have a fantastic relationship. So be aware that when you are being rejected or rejecting, it has a massive impact. So learn to control it and be mature and respectful and elegant, and you'll feel better about yourself because you are in control of yourself. Anyway, that's some things about rejection and dealing with it.

If you've got any questions, any feedback, feel free to send it through by clicking the link. You can send me a little voice message, ninety second voice message because I like getting them, actually hearing people's voices, and then I'm talking to real people, even though in emails from a real person it's nice getting that verbal feedback.

Also, there's an opportunity to check out the family and also feel free to distribute this podcast to people that you care about so they can also get results.

Anyway, that's it for today. I'm glad to be back on board. Look after yourself. Keep up the good work and remember, here's to a good life

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Should I use any swear words?

Fri, 03 Sep 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

Now, before I get into this, I want to give you a heads up. I'm going to be exploring swear words, slang words, profanity, whatever you want to call it, and I just want you to be aware that I'll be using these words. So if you're offended by hearing these words, you may want to skip this episode. For those of you that are willing to listen, I want to explore this and not just the use of the words but the receiving of the words.

Now I'll tell you a little bit of stories, too. How I first learned about the power of swear words, and I was around the age of 17. I was sitting in the kitchen of the family household, eating a meal with my two sisters and my little brother, and my mother and father were in the lounge room and they were discussing whatever they were discussing, and we were happily eating dinner and then very loudly, my mother yelled out, "Fuck off, Darrell!"

Instantly I knew a line had been crossed. I had never heard my mother using any profanity whatsoever in my life up until that point. So I knew then two things. One; swear words can carry power, and two; there's a time and a place for it.

Now, growing up, I obviously hung around in various groups where we used slang or profanity, and for me there's two classes of those sorts of words. There's slang words which are, you know, things like shit, bloody, that sort of thing where they don't carry a lot of weight, but they do border on being offensive to some people.

When you go to the other end of the spectrum and you're using words like fuck and things like that, it becomes a little more divisive because people either use swear words and are comfortable with them or they're not. Now, ultimately, they are just another word. So when people say they don't like profanity, they're referring to a word, and it's like saying 'strawberry' is a swear word. It's not so much the word itself that people take exception to, it's where the context is used or the framework.

There's people who they say comedy shouldn't have swearing in it. The whole point of comedy as an example of the use of swear words, is to provoke people, to be able to think, to get them to see things, to confront situations. As far as I'm concerned, if a comedian wants to use profanity in their act, let them. Their job is to point out things that we need to address, that we need to look at. So if a comedian makes a joke that's racist, for example, someone could take that as racist. Or we could go, "Let's look at that joke and why it's upset people and what we can do about it to change people's mindsets".

So, the same with profanity. There are times where I feel, you may feel the same, where you are absolutely justified in using profanity because you are at the end of your tether. You've had enough. You've snapped. The lines been crossed. That's it. I've had enough. I'm bringing out the big guns, and then you let people know our lines been crossed by using the profanity.

So both ends of the spectrum are the use of the words, which used in the right context and the right situation can carry a lot of weight like, if I was telling a story from my past that was particularly emotionally charged, I would inadvertently use profanity, and I may not mean to, it's just that that situation back then carried a lot of weight. It carried a lot of emotional intensity, and that is the language that best explains how I was feeling at the time.

So for those instances, I believe profanities should be accepted and allowed in, and in a way encouraged. I find if I'm doing a workshop, if people know that they can use whatever word fits and they're able to use profanity, it's a lot more cathartic. They're are a lot more able to get things out. So, therefore, profanity is a good thing. So for people that have people used profanity around them, if you do take exception to it and that's okay, you're allowed to ask yourself why you're taking exception to it.

Now For myself, there's very few words that are off limits. The only one that tends to get me is if I'm listening to the radio and they're playing a hip hop song and the artist is of, uh, African American or whatever term you want to use, and they use the term 'nigger', now for me, I baulk at that, and it's probably the only word that I do because of the history associated with the use of that word. So it was used as a derogatory term and used to put people down. It was used to keep them mentally enslaved. So for me, I don't like the use of it. Now, if someone's going to use it, I'm not going to get all upset, but if I'm listening to a song like that on the radio, I'll change it because for me it carries a little too much weight, but anything else is pretty much on the table.

So my question for you in regard to this topic of the use of swear words or questions, actually is "In what context is swearing okay with me?" "In what context is it not okay with me?" "What emotions are brought up when I hear particular words used?" "What memories are triggered when I hear particular words used?"

For myself, I know there's certain memories, certain information that is triggered from various swear words, and that's OK because I don't carry a huge amount of weight with myself. I'm aware that there's people that don't like swearing. However, like I said, it's just a word. It's the weight behind it. If you're using that language to intimidate people, too put them down, to keep them in their place, to ridicule them, to basically inflict some sort of harm. Then I believe people should take exception to it. Then they should call out the person that's using it.

There are times where they might be upset, and they're using those words to be able to articulate their frustration or their disappointment or their anger or whatever it is in those instances. I believe swearing is okay as long as you consider other people. So you're not swearing at the top of your voice type thing. You're not swearing where it's easily overheard by children. As long as you consider those sorts of things. I don't believe swearing has a an issue for most people.

I do recall I watched a mini documentary, I suppose you'd call it from Penn and Teller, the Vegas magicians. They did a number of mini documentaries, and they looked at one which was swearing, and they were looking at the context of swearing and where you put the emphasis and all of this sort of thing. And they were talking to this lady whose mission it was to get rid of swearing. So she went around promoting non swearing areas and all of this sort of thing. What was interesting was she had a particular phrase that she liked to use. Now I'm relying on memory here, so I may be a little incorrect, however, I know I'm going to be mostly correcting my recall.

She used the word "Santa Vunca" and Penn broke that down as to where the origins were, what it meant, and basically she was swearing in another language. So all she had done was transfer the swearing in English to another language, which made her feel she could use it because it didn't make sense to her. However, for the people of that language, it's then going to make sense and could potentially offend them, especially as you've stolen their language to suit your own needs.

So we have to be wary with whether we swear or we don't. We pick our moments when were swearing and it's OK if you're in context and the situation is right, swearing is okay.

So that's what I wanted to talk about, was the use of those sorts of words now for myself. I know I don't swear a lot unless I'm a little bit frustrated or a little bit annoyed. Then sometimes the 'F' word comes out, but usually that's about as harsh as I get. And it's not very often. The thing I offer you at the moment is if you want to give me your feedback on this, because I would like to hear what people think about this if you've been brave enough to listen, especially if you're someone who doesn't like swearing because I'd like to hear your side of it. I'm always interested in hearing other people's viewpoints. So if you want, you can either send an email to admin@life-on-track.com and just let me know your feedback, your views. That would be really cool.

Or, if you want, there's a link below in the show notes where you can send a quick ninety second verbal message. You get a chance to check it out before you send it, so you can make sure you've got in there what you want to say, and we can have a dialogue because I can actually reply to your message. So I'd love to have a dialogue about this and exploring the words that we use for our frustration, our disappointment. So, yeah, that was basically it.

I hope it gets you thinking a little bit about the use of it or the challenges you may have about hearing it and understanding that it's not the word itself. It's the context that we have to bear in mind anyway. That was I just wanted to talk about this because on the weekend we were talking as a group about swearing, and some people were saying they were really offended by and they didn't like it and other people were like, It's fine, it's fine. So it was very interesting hearing everyone's different viewpoints. So anyway, that's it for today. We'll catch you on the next one. Look after yourself and remember, here's to a good life

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to deal with an angry boss

Wed, 01 Sep 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi. This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the next episode.

This episode will sort of be a continuation on from the previous one where I spoke about perception, the way we see things, because I was thinking recently about a workshop that I did a few years ago. There was a gentleman that attended, and it was all weekend one. So two and a half days and this gentleman was having trouble with his boss. And I was talking about how to deal with conflict.

He said that his boss had approached him with this job that he had promised would be done by a certain time. His boss was very angry, and this guy didn't know how to respond. So I said to him, "This is how we're going to do it. We're going to do some role playing". I said, "I'm going to pretend to be you and you're going to pretend to be your boss".

Now he's given me absolutely minimal information. Basically; I've just said that his boss came up a job that was promised at a certain time and it wasn't ready. So he comes in and he got into the role playing and he was all "Ah, you said this job would be done by three o'clock ra, ra, ra" and he was doing all the aggression and everything like this, and it was if it wasn't such a serious situation, I would have found it hilarious because he did such a wonderful job anyway, right?

I turned around so that I was facing him, because the first thing you want to do is when you're dealing with someone who's annoyed, like an employer, you want to be facing them, not necessarily directly face to face. It's a little confrontational turn slightly to the side. So you're just turn your head a little bit, so your body is just a little bit away, and what you do is you say something like this, "I can see that you're upset, the customers here to pick up his job that I promised for three o'clock, you're here feeling this isn't very professional, this isn't going to look good for my customer. If it doesn't look good for him and we don't give him the job that at the time that we said we would, he may go elsewhere and you will lose money, which means you're going to lose money, which means you're going to struggle to pay us, which means we're going to be stressed, so everyone is going to be stressed, so it doesn't look very professional and that's what you're concerned about, is the professionalism of this company. I promised you it by a certain time. I felt I could have it ready. I was obviously wrong. I apologise. I'll get this done as quickly as I can, even if it means I've got to work through my lunch break. Is that okay with you?"

Now straight away. What I've done is I've acknowledged that he's annoyed. I've acknowledged what could be a potential reason for him being annoyed. I've pointed out where it went wrong and I've offered to protect a potential solution. What this will do is because he's acknowledged he doesn't need to keep going with the bruff and the bravado and being annoyed because I've acknowledged that I screwed up.

Then he doesn't have to have a go at me and because I've given a solution and asked if it's acceptable, all he has to do then is say "Yeah, that's cool" and he walks off. So this role play I did with this guy. I turned and said basically something to that effect. They weren't the exact words. Obviously, I can't remember from what 3 or 4 years ago? And he looked at me and he goes, "Wow, all right, I wish I knew how to do that".

That is something that we really need to understand how to do, so if our boss or whoever comes up and they're annoyed, we flip our perception. We look at it from their point of view. So rather than getting defensive, which is our usual response, of we get defensive. When someone comes in with something they're annoyed at, we feel we've got to justify or explain, or something like that would basically go into defence mode. It makes dealing with this situation so much harder because it then becomes very combative.

If you break their state by acknowledging them, giving them acknowledgement that where you've gone wrong and then giving a solution, that breaks their state because they don't expect it that way. It also means you've pre-framed him for the next time he comes up, so the next time that happens he will understand that you're comfortable acknowledging how he feels. You're comfortable acknowledging that you've screwed up and you're comfortable offering a potential solution, which is something that all bosses want.

They want people that can think on their feet, regardless of what the situation is. That means that the next time he comes up like I've said, he'll have been pre-framed or reframed. I should say as to how the situation is going to go. So next time he comes up, he goes, "You said that job would be ready. What's going on?" And you go, "Oh, this happened and I did that and I didn't prioritise. I should have. I apologise. I'll get into it now do it as quick as I can".

He walks off this less stress, less aggro. Everyone feels better. Everyone's feeling a little more professional and also the next time he can walk up to you and say, "OK, you've said this will be ready by three. Is that a pretty likely timeline?" and you'll go "Yeah, I'm confident I can get it done by then" and he will be cool. So it's changing their perception, reframing how they deal with the situation and how they approach you and what happens afterwards.

So if you each time you have that same reaction, he knows that's your level of professionalism. So it's not where you put the blame on yourself. You just acknowledge where it's gone wrong, all right, and acknowledged what you can own about it. So it's a very powerful way of dealing with things, and you can use this in, like I said, not just with your boss. You can use it with your partners, family, friends. Anyone basically.

You acknowledge how they're upset, why they're upset, what you contributed to it. In other words, they don't need to blame you because you're willing to say, Well, I did this and this, you know, it's all cool, and then you give a solution also, then they learn that they can trust you. They get more respect for you. It increases so many things and decreases a lot of the shitty parts. So that's what I wanted to talk to you about.

Today is just that dealing with someone who's pissed off, like a boss. Now, some people, it may take a few attempts. I had a boss years ago. I was doing night shift and I went home in the morning knowing I'd taken too long to do this particular job. I knew it had taken too long. When I came in the next night, the boss comes up and he's like, "Oh, you took too long on that job" and I'm like, "I know, I know, Frank, I'm pissed off as well" and he started, and kept going, and I have to say it again. "Yes, Frank. I know it took too long. I'm pissed off as well". And again, he kept going, and I had to say, "Frank, I know! I'm pissed off as well". And then he went, "Okay, I got it". And he stopped yelling because he understood there was no point yelling at me because I already knew it took too long. He didn't have to try and explain or justify or anything because I've already done it. I said I knew, took me a long time, I'm annoyed as well. So he realised it was pointless to keep going.

I never had that situation again because he knew I was willing to acknowledge things and I was willing to try and find some sort of solution. So dealing with any conflict, there are three simple steps.

Acknowledge their situation so they can see you understand how they feel and why.

Acknowledge what you contributed, so it's owning what you're responsible for not taking it all on, but just saying it happened because I did this, end of story, so you don't have to fawn and carry on its This is what I did. I promised it. I didn't prioritise whatever.

That's the situation. This is the solution.

Give those three steps ago and you'll deal with conflicts so much better. Whether it's your boss, partner, family, friends, whoever doesn't matter. But doing those three steps will make a big difference. And one of the things we definitely can do without at work is our boss being annoyed. It's never a fun thing, So that's it for this episode.

Relatively quick, relatively simple, but very powerful. Hope you've enjoyed it. Feel free to send us any feedback. Let us know how it's helped you. There's a link in the show notes where you can send us a quick ninety second voice message. So feel free to let me know how you go, because I love hearing feedback about people's results and I like to hear your responses and your results, look after yourselves and remember, here's your good life

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Be careful of your perception

Mon, 30 Aug 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

In this episode, I want to talk to you about a little thing that has a big impact on our life, and that is a thing called perception. Now I want you to imagine you're sitting in your car at a set of lights and the traffic's waiting. Then suddenly you hear this siren and an ambulance comes weaving through the traffic lights and the sirens going off.

It makes its way cautiously through the intersection, making sure that it's not going to collide with anything, and it takes off on the other side. Once it gets clear and you think to yourself, "Wow, they must be getting someone to a hospital", "Will that person is going to be okay", "I wonder what happened to them". You have all of these preconceived notions, a perception in your head based off information that you know about ambulances, what they do, how they conduct themselves when they're out on the road.

So you have this perception about them now, and at the same time as this ambulance is going through the lights, a convertible follows them through the intersection and you'll notice it's driven by this man and you think to yourself, "Look at this idiot. He's taking advantage of the situation. He's following the ambulance through the traffic lights. That's dangerous. He's a fool. I hope he gets booked. I hope the police nab him". You're looking around for the police, hoping that they will catch this bloke, and again, we have our perception.

Based off where you have road rules and you don't run through red lights and all these different things that contribute to the way that we see this situation. So we've now got two very different perceptions about the situation.

Now, I want you to freeze frame that the ambulance just getting to the other side of the traffic lights and this car following them through. So I want you to freeze that for a second. As you freeze it, you notice the situation. You have your perceptions of the ambulances taking someone to hospital and the blokes following in the car, taking advantage of the situation. That is your perception.

Now start the image again and imagine the doors of the ambulance fling open and inside, you see, it's a bunch of young people that have hijacked the ambulance and they're having a party and you can see them in there with drinks in their hands. And they're having fun now. Suddenly, the ambulance is the one that's in the wrong. It's being hijacked by a bunch of foolish idiots that are taking advantage of it. They're damaging property. That's worth a lot of money. They're risking people's lives. They're doing a lot of illegal things. So suddenly your perception's flipped on its head just by this little bit more information by the doors flying open and the car that's following through the intersection. You now look a little closer and you see a woman that slumped down in the seat and she's obviously in pain and she's screaming out, and you suddenly realise this man is following the ambulance because he knows that will get him through the intersection quickly so he can get his partner to hospital to get her the help that she needs.

Suddenly, that one little bit of information changes your perception about that, and so it is with many things in our life. We do the best we can with the knowledge that we have at the time, so sometimes our perception isn't quite complete. Sometimes we need just a little more information so that things make sense. We have a more complete picture of the situation. So can we can have a more complete understanding and make a more informed decision as to how to go forward. Now, you do have to be careful with this because if you try to seek too much information, you never move forward because you don't know if you've got enough information. So be aware that as you move forward in your life, there will be situations where you will see it is one way, and as you gather more information, your perception may change. It may alter. It may flip. It may strengthen either way. Be aware that your perception can change, that it will change over time.

Perceptions mellow or they can strengthen. It is up to you to decide about your perceptions, but no, the perceptions are malleable. I don't know if you've ever seen the little image that goes around of the two men looking at a number on the ground, and they're standing at either end of it and they're arguing over it, and one man is looking at it and he's saying very aggressively, "it's a six. I can see it. It is clearly a six. You're wrong". And the man on the other end is also looking at this number and saying very angrily, "I'm telling you, it's a nine. I'm looking at it. It's right in front of me. It's a nine". Now they're both arguing over the same thing. They just see it differently. So sometimes all it takes is to see it from the other perception from what the other person is seeing bearing in mind that their previous experiences their beliefs, their attitudes, their upbringing, all colour our perception and make it different.

So whenever you're having a discussion with someone and it starts to get a little bit heated, because maybe you don't see things the same way, understand that they are not wrong, they just see it differently. And this is a really important thing to bear in mind in relationships, in workplaces, in friendships, in families that you're not often going to see things the same way, you will see things slightly differently. But be aware that your perception is not always and will rarely be the same to someone else.

So know that your perception is not right and it's not wrong. It's just your perception. So be open to more information that is either going to strengthen your perception. It's going to alter your perception or it's going to flip your perception as it did with the ambulance and the car.

So today I just wanted to talk to you about that, because recently I've had some conversations with people where we had very different opinions, very different perceptions of situations, and through careful exploration, we found a more comfortable place where we could agree and still have our own perceptions, so understanding that neither of us was right or wrong, we just had a different way of looking at it. Therefore, we could find a common ground, agree on that and then also accept each other's perception and our own.

And that's basically all you can do. In life it's known that we have different perceptions. We have different understandings. We have different experiences, different beliefs, and that is okay. Okay, so that was it for today's. I just wanted to talk about that because I'd encountered that recently. A difference of perceptions, and that does happen regularly, and that's part of life. And it's part about learning about other people, their experiences, what they go through learning about different cultures, different religious beliefs, different upbringings, different experiences because we haven't been through everything.

Sometimes we have to rely on other people's perception to be able to understand it more, or to be able to get a grasp of it. So there you go, have a fantastic they look after yourselves and remember, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You should always listen to your gut

Fri, 27 Aug 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

In this one I want to talk to you about a device that you have at your disposal, which can be a huge benefit to yourself if you're willing to use it, and if you're willing to listen to it and that thing is your gut.

Now, the ancient Greeks used to refer to the gut as the second brain, and the reason they did that is because it also communicates to you, your thoughts. Have you ever had a sense about something and you call it a 'gut feeling'? The reason you do this is because you get the feeling from the gut.

They've done various scientific studies about this now, and they found that the gut is actually a method of receiving information as to whether something is worth pursuing or not. Now I know for myself if I look back on my life, there were times where I had a gut feeling about something where something didn't feel right. I sensed that something wasn't complete or kosher, and I ignored that and went ahead. In the end, it turned out that my gut was right.

So one of the things I do nowadays is if my gut tells me something, or if my wife says to me, "I don't have a good feeling about this" I listen and it invariably turns out that my gut is correct. Now, I learned more about this by reading a book called 'Blink' By a chap by the name of Malcolm Gladwell. Now Malcolm Gladwell wrote this book about this gut feeling and one of the stories that he tells and he tells a few stories in detail.

One of them is about this woman who was an expert on ancient Greek sculptures and that sort of thing. A museum had recently purchased a statue, which was told to them that it was authentic and genuine, and they had had numerous tests done on it and which seemed to confirm that it was authentic. They called this woman in to have a look at it because she was one of the preeminent people who this was her specialty.

This lady took one look at it and within an instant knew that it was a fake and told these people that it was fake. They, of course, were insistent that they had done all the tests and that it was legitimate. She assured them that No, it was fake, and regardless of what tests they wanted to show, she trusted her gut instinct and she went with it

They did more extensive testing, and in the end, it turned out this thing was fake and they paid quite a substantial sum of money for the statue. So there will be times in your life where you will be faced with a situation. You will be faced with an interaction with a person or an opportunity, and your gut will tell you something. There will be a little voice at the back of your head that will say to you, something is not congruent here. Something's not making sense. Something doesn't seem authentic. I don't think you should do it. What I would encourage you to do is to listen to that voice.

That voice is one of those things that can make a big difference in your life. There will be times where you will feel a need to do something because it will please someone, or it's expected of you. If your gut tells you not to, find a way to get out of that situation. In the past, whenever I was faced with a partner or an argument or a situation or an opportunity where I had that gut feeling and I chose to ignore it, as best as I can recall every time my gut was correct.

I do look back on some of those now and they cost me substantially, both financially and mentally and emotionally, where I didn't listen to that gut so I would encourage you, and this is only going to be a very short podcast because basically the entire podcast could have been like 30 seconds long. All I needed to do was say, If you have a gut feeling about something, don't do it. Listen to your gut.

Now, of course, you can dig deeper into that and find out what it is now. Of course, that takes a little more awareness, a little more ability to be able to dig into it, and be honest with yourself about yourself and the other people involved. Sometimes that's a difficult one, is being that really honest with yourself.

I would encourage you to do at least listen to your gut. If you want, feel free to explore deeper. Ask yourself some questions as to where that would be coming from. "What is it about this situation that I'm not comfortable with?" "What is it about this person that is causing me unease?" Ask yourself some questions like that, because that will enable you to become even more aware of it down the track.

So that was today's episode, nice and short. Very brief. I try to keep them brief, not as brief as this one. Usually, however, it was very simple, this one.

Anyway, have a good one. I'm glad you're listening in. I'm slowly building up listeners around the world, which is really cool. I do have provisions in the notes for the show where you can click a link and you can send me a little audio message where you can give me some feedback. You can ask me a question. Give me some sort of response just to know that you're out there and you're listening. That would be really cool. Anyway, that's it for today.

Look after yourselves. Have a great one. And remember, here's to a good life

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's the deal with the "terrible two's"?

Wed, 25 Aug 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

In this one, I want to do a little bit of an exploration and a defence. You see, there are people in our midst, people who don't have a voice, because they yet haven't learned to speak, and I want to speak up for those people that can't speak for themselves, and those people are two year olds.

They have been accused of being terrible. The phrase "terrible twos" gets bandied around a lot, and I want to stand up for these kids on their behalf and explain to the people that don't understand what the "terrible twos" is.

This episode is not going to be super long because it's not a massive exploration or explanation. When a child is born, they have a view of the world that's very limited. Obviously, when they look around, they see these big people that seem to do all of these things. They produce food and warmth and clothing and all of these wonderful things that make our lives a little bit more comfortable, and we love these beings because they provide these things.

Then, as we get a little bit older, we start to notice "Hey, I've got this body that moves when I tell it to move". "I've got these thoughts that happen and I can control them". "I have these emotions that I can generate". So what happens is these little people at the age of two become aware of their own existence, their own abilities and what they do as any of us do.

When we get into a situation, we want to explore it. We want to understand it, so they start pushing boundaries. They start exploring, they get super curious. They're into everything, and if you've had two year olds or currently have two year olds or your kids are about to turn two, you will certainly know what I'm talking about. They get very curious, and they like to know about everything, and they get into everything.

Anyway, when children push boundaries and children will continue to push boundaries once they get past the twos. But this is the first and most volatile exploration of it because it's so new and so exciting. They go fully gung-ho and we as adults, we can be a little exasperated with this because we might be tired because of work. We might have our own frustrations, our own challenges and then a little child is pushing these boundaries constantly can be a little much.

I want you to know, though, as a parent who's been through this and having nephews, nieces that are still young, I get to experience this. Still, the core of the difference, of course, now is I understand it a lot better. The challenge you have as a parent is, you can make a massive impact at this stage in their life. You can set them up for a better life and make your life a lot easier. See, when they're pushing the boundaries, they need to know a few things. They need to know that this big person is solid, they're secure, they're safe. So if you're able to stay calm and not lose your cool, a child will feel a lot safer around you.

They pick up on that stuff, these kids, so if you can keep your cool, even though you might want to lose it, if you can keep your cool, they're going to be better off. They're going to feel safer around you also with your boundaries. If you have very clear boundaries for kids, they also feel safe and secure because they know where the boundaries are. They know what the rules are. They can then play within those rules comfortably.

Sometimes they've got to push the boundaries for a little while to make sure. However, ultimately all kids, once they know those boundaries, will operate to those boundaries. This is why you'll have children, who will misbehave for one adult and behave for another is because they understand what everyone's boundaries are. So with this person, I know I can push the boundaries and get away with more stuff and be naughtier, and with this person, they don't take any of that rubbish, so I better behave.

So the age of two is a wonderful opportunity for them to grow and become a better version of themselves through a solid foundation that's been laid during this age of two. And it's also an opportunity and a challenge for parents to rise up and set boundaries, rules, understandings for their young children to be able to live happily within the household rules.

So in defence of two year olds, they are doing what comes natural. They do it because they need to do it. They need to understand the world around them. They need to understand that the big people have their best interests at heart. They need to understand my boundaries. They need to understand how I fit into the world. I need to understand where I'm loved, where I'm supported, where I'm encouraged, where I'm nurtured. They need to understand all these things, so in their defence they are just been two year olds.

We as adults have to step up and be the adults and create for them an environment where they feel safe, where they feel happy, where they feel loved. If they can have that, they grow up a lot more balanced, lot more secure and comfortable within themselves. So adults, parents rise to the challenge. Be that awesome parent, that awesome adult that they need.

Anyway, that's it for this episode. Hope you've enjoyed it. It is a challenging time having two year olds. I know I've been there a number of times, not just with my kids but other people's. It is a challenging time. However, I know once they understand my rules and that they are safe with me and they're secure and loved and supported. They feel very comfortable and it takes the relationship to a new level. So rise to the challenge. Adults and parents be all you can be so that they can be all that they can be.

That's it for this episode. Take care of yourselves. Make sure to practise everything and remember, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How do I know if I'm racist?

Mon, 23 Aug 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

In this episode I want to talk about something that seems to cause a lot of division amongst people, a lot of arguments, a lot of sometimes healthy discussion, sometimes unhealthy, lots of protests, etc, etc. That subject is racism.

You get a lot of people being accused of being racist, of downplaying minorities or people who are of a different cultural background, ethnicity, skin colour, etc. I want to put my little bit in. You may not agree with what I say. At least I hope you'll ponder it. Even though I'm talking about racism, you could apply this same statement or theme for this episode to sexism, ageism, prejudice. It's all basically the same thing. However, I'm going to focus on the racism portion because that seems to be one that people relate to a lot easier.

The big challenge seems to be that a lot of people try to state that they are not racist, and this is where my first challenge comes with. In regard to racism is that awareness is 50% of any growth, 50% of any journey, it's the hardest part, is admitting things, and from what I can see, because of what I've been through in my life, what I've witnessed, what I've been a part of, yeah, I've got a view of racism that I want to put forward.

This is what I want you to contemplate. Think about. I understand that it may trigger off certain things within yourself, that it may give you cause to be angry or upset, and that's okay, because when those emotions are triggered, that's an opportunity for growth. So first of all, I want to talk about racism itself. Part of our human brain is a little bit lazy. So what it does, is it generalises and not just people, it generalises with everything, so we know what a door looks like. We know what a glass looks like. So what we do is we generalise things until we have a chance to process them.

The challenge that we've created for ourselves is that with this generalisation we don't tend to move past it. People are inclined to associate with people that are the same cultural group as themselves, same ethnicity, the same religious beliefs, the same opinions, so we tend to be a little bit insular. We don't tend to expand ourselves to understand or learn about other people with different views, different opinions, different upbringings.

I myself, I'll give you a little bit of a history so you can understand where my view of racism comes from. I was born and raised in Australia, and I know this is getting listened to around the world. So I was born and raised in Australia and I'm in my fifties now. So growing up it was predominantly in the seventies and eighties, and we didn't have a lot of different ethnicities in this place where I grew up. So most of the people I knew were white Anglo Saxons, usually of at least first generation Australian. So at least our parents were usually born here, so we would call ourselves Australian, but generally we're not because we're only first generation we're just Australian born.

So we have a group of people in Australia. They don't make up a large percentage of our population. However, they are certainly subject to a lot of challenges, and that's the aboriginal people, or as we call them now, those First Nations people and growing up, I didn't have a problem with these First Nations people. I'll call them by their proper name. I didn't have a problem with them. I never clashed with them. I tended to know them, treated them with decency. I didn't denigrate them. I didn't put them down. I still tried to avoid doing that as much as possible to the point where even if I was on the street and I do remember one incident very clearly where I was walking along by myself at night time near my house and there was a group of aboriginal lads coming towards me. Sorry, First Nations lads coming towards me, and there would have been probably seven of them, eight of them and most people would panic. However, I didn't because I recognised a few of them. So as we got closer, they obviously realised they knew me. And so it was a "Hi, how are you going?" And I replied to "doing good, take it easy" and kept walking.

So I've never had a problem with them and never had a need to fear them. However, I understand why people do fear them because they are inclined to have a... and again, this is a generalisation because they're not all like this. I've met ones that are different, but they seem to have a frustration and anger that runs through them at a deeper level. And that anger when you know their history is understandable. And this is one of those things where a lot of people don't bother to learn.

So I understand, as I learn more and more about what's happened to them in our history, I can understand their frustration, and it's a complex and challenging situation to get out of, and it's not easy. However, It starts with a basic truth, and that is, all of us, every single human on this planet is racist. This is something that a lot of people seem to struggle with, is just being able to say I am racist and I am. I know that when I look at certain people who are of a definite, different persuasion, whether that's skin colour, ethnicity, cultural upbringings, religious opinions, whatever it is, I do operate from a generalisation. I try not to. I'm not comfortable with it, and I try to get to know people without acknowledging or operating from that generalisation too much.

I've got a bit of evidence for this. I want to tell a little bit of a story about a woman, an amazing woman. She said something which perfectly illustrates what I'm talking about. There's a woman by the name of Jane Elliott, and in the sixties, just after Martin Luther King Jr was assassinated, she was a schoolteacher, and she decided to teach her young class about racism. She devised an experiment where she had them wear a colour according to their colour, because your eye colour, like your skin colour, cannot be chosen by yourself. You just end up with that because of your genetics.

She had these Children experience the discrimination that people of skin colour experience. So in other words, she made them victims of racism. So this was an area that only had white people, so they didn't get to really see or experience, people of a different ethnicity and certainly not of a different skin colour. And she had one side experience it. People with blue eyes. So people like myself and then she had the other side experience it, and this was made into a documentary.

I watched it quite a number of years ago, and it impacted me, and the reason it impacted me was one particular moment, and this is the moment I want to talk about. So this is a woman, when they were interviewing or in this documentary, she had been working on teaching racism in using this type of experiment, with adults as well for many, many years. So she had been subject to all sorts of threats and situations where she was attacked. Her family was attacked, her husband, her children and they were put through quite a hell, a lot of horrible stuff. So she strongly believed in what she was doing, which was educating people about racism. She also now teaches about ageism, sexism, prejudice.

Anyway, she was driving along, and she's talking as she's driving. And she was saying after I think at the time it was about 40 years she had been doing this. So she's driving along, and a news article came on the radio. I think it was something like a break-in. It happened, and she said that her first thought, this is a woman that had been spending decades trying to get people to understand racism. Her first thought was, "Please don't let it be a person of colour", and she realised she was still racist.

It is not something that needs to be shunned. It's something that needs to be understood. If you understand that you're racist, you can then do something about it. So I know that, for example, let's say I have an opportunity to talk to someone who's from a different country, different religious upbringing, a different whatever I can then get to know them and understand that world a little better, just from their point of view, at least so it changes my view just a little bit, and then the more I have an opportunity to do that and the more I do it, the more I can learn about these people, whatever their situation is, and then I can understand it.

So I feel if you can at least say "Yes, I am racist", that's 50% of your journey. Then it's just acknowledging that you're not comfortable with it. You don't want to be racist, and you can then do something about it. So that's what I try to do. So, am I still racist? Yes. Unfortunately, I have these generalised thoughts. Am I happy with it? Am I comfortable with it? Not at all. I don't enjoy it. So therefore I am working at it.

A couple of other things I want to put forward about this and again, you might have a reaction, and that's your choice. You're allowed to. I would like you to just consider this what I'm saying. In America, there has been a big push over the last few years for black lives matter. And there's people that go all lives matter. All lives matter and they do. All lives do matter. The challenges that people, not just people that are of dark skin colour, black people or African American, whatever term you want to use, the challenge they have, as do people in Australia who are First Nations descent. The challenge that they have views they are below what the general population has. So they have prejudices that they battle with.

So some of the people who partook of Jane Elliott's experiment. So when they do it, obviously people that are blue eyed, they'd have to go off to a room while they prep for the experiment, and the people that are left, obviously people that are dark skin. So Middle Eastern, African American. One of the experiments she did was conducted in America. And she is talking to these people of dark skin, the African Americans about their experiences and what they go through every day? They're explaining how they have to battle so many things, and again, something powerful that happened is, she said, to these people "Who here has friends that are in the room that are blue eyed?", and of course, they put their hands up.

This is after asking the African Americans of their experience every single day that they have to go through just to be able to survive. She asked these people "Who here who has a friend in that room, and thinks that they won't be able to cope with what we're about to put them through?" A heap of people put their hands up, and she said, "Do you realise what you have just done?" Of course they didn't click, and she said that "you're saying your friends for one hour, well, the two hours that we're doing this experiment won't be able to tolerate or put up with what African American people have to go through every single day of their lives?"

And it was like something turned on me and I went, Oh my God, she's right And there is a lot of crap that black people, aboriginal people, First Nations people, all of these people have all of these extra challenges that we do not. That's a generalisation because there are black people that don't have it quite as much, African American people that don't have it quite as much, same as there are white people that have more challenges. As a generalisation, people of some sort of skin colour go through a lot more racism, and it is true if they walked through a shop, they get watched more because everyone thinks you're going to steal something.

I've seen this illustrated so many times about the differences in actions, and I feel one of the big things moving forward in healing this, in learning from it, in becoming better from it, is if we all just say I am racist. In other words, I acknowledge that I am part of the problem. Therefore, If I'm part of the problem, I can be part of the solution and that is one of the keys with moving forward in this regard.

Another one I wanted to talk about was the aboriginal people or First Nations people. Back in 2008, there was a young lady in far north Queensland who was the first person in her community to go to university, and she qualified to become a lawyer. And in some of the wisest words I have ever heard uttered by a person ever is. She's standing in amongst her community, this young First Nations woman, and she says "Our problem cannot be fixed with money. We cannot rely on the white man to fix our problem. We have to fix our problem. It is up to us to fix it". And she was absolutely right.

Any problem can only be fixed by you, and that means if you acknowledge your part of the problem, then you can do something about it. And one of the attitudes that seems to be reasonably prevalent and understandably so, is these First Nations, people who are subject to all of these situations and circumstances and history that have caused them a lot of pain and have contributed to this anger that seems to be running through them. They need to realise that they are also not only part of the problem, but also part of the solution, and it takes all of us going "Up until now, we have done it in a way that is not effective. We can now do something differently", and I feel if we all do that, we can really move forward, same as with in the United States with the African American people. If they, and everyone said yes, we have this history, it's unpleasant, it's uncomfortable. Every country in the world actually could have the same attitude, "We have this history where we have not treated people fairly and equitably. We need to do something different. We now acknowledge this history, as uncomfortable as it may be, and now we can do something different. Now we can move forward and heal and create better relationships and understand each other better".

So what I ask of you is are you willing to say "I'm racist, I am prejudiced, I'm sexist, I am ageist" because we do this sort of thing regularly with all sorts of people, and it's automatic. It's hardwired into every single one of us. No one gets out of jail free on this one. We are all racist. We are all sexist. We're all prejudiced to different degrees. But we all have it. And in order to fix this challenge, this obstacle, as with any challenge or obstacle, you have to acknowledge it. And if we all acknowledge that we're part of the problem, then we can all start to fix it.

So that was the episode I wanted to talk about. Today was about racism and prejudice and I wanted to put forward my little bit. You can disagree. That's fine. However, I would like, prefer, if you would think about what I've said. It's not comfortable. I don't sit comfortably with the term racist or prejudice or sexist or any of it. However, it is part of my wiring. My upbringing contributed to it. I see it compounded by media and situations that I see every single day those things exist, so moving forward can be challenging for me personally, though I can work on me. I can't change the world, but I can change the people I interact with and I can change myself.

So if I take control of that and responsibility for that and try to encourage others to do the same, then maybe we can start to move forward and really make change. Because if you take away our labels, our skin colours, agendas, our cultural upbringing, our religious upbringings, whatever that is. Take that away, and we're all just human beings. We all have wants, needs, desires, hopes, dreams. We're all the same in the end.

So anyway, that's today's episode, I hope you've enjoyed it. I hope it inspires you to do something. Hope it inspires you to get out there and, yeah, make your bit of the world a little bit better. And if we all do that, maybe, just maybe we'll get this world to be something that's worth being in.

If you've got any feedback, feel free to send it in. I now have an option in the show notes where there's a link that you can click and you can leave me a 9o second voice message, because I like hearing voices. So if you want to do that as well again, I just want to reiterate, you might have a contrary view to what I've spoken about, and that is okay, that is your choice.

If you feel the need to voice a differing opinion or a frustration or anger in my direction, please do it respectfully. I'm happy to listen if it's respectful, because then I can learn something. So please refrain from doing any of that. So, yes, it would be wonderful to have feedback and have discussions and dialogues.

I hope this helped you, hope it's inspired you, I hope you can make your bit of the world a little bit better for the people that you care about, for the people that you value, as well as yourself.

So take care, enjoy your day, look after yourself and remember, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Does money really cause any divorces?

Fri, 20 Aug 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

Relationships can be challenging, and there can be many things that can pull you off course and contribute to things that may pull you apart, and people give many reasons for divorce. But every time they do surveys, there is one thing that seems to come out near the top of the list a lot more than anything else, and that is money.

Now, why would money be the cause of a relationship breakdown? It's not the money itself, per se, because money has no meaning other than the meaning you give it. And that is where the problem lies. We each have a different meaning, a different emotion, a different need attributed to money that is different to that of our partners.

Now, this is one that I've spoken about before, and I don't talk about it massively because I'm not a finance person or anything like that. However, I do have understandings of things, and many years ago, when I was with my last partner, we went and did a money workshop, because we were contemplating doing investing and we were trying to work out which way to go. When we heard about this workshop on money and we thought we'd give it a go, and it wasn't about how to make money or how to invest or anything like that, it was understanding your relationship with money.

So we went along to this workshop and they talk about mindset and various things like this. Then they came to this part they were talking about the four attitudes toward money. As the chap on the stage was explaining these four types, he then, at the end of the explanations, asked everyone to stand in the corner of the room that they felt they fitted into according to the money type. So my partner and I separated off and we went to where we felt our money type was.

Now the four money types were, and two of them are fairly obvious. One was the saver, and one was the spender. Now these aren't a straight out and out definition because there is different variations on a spectrum within that definition. So someone who's a saver, you could get someone who's sensible with their money, they're thrifty. If they can save money, they will. If they get like a coupon, they'll use it. So there are people that are sensible savers there, people that like to make sure they've got money in their account. And then the opposite end of that spectrum is the person that doesn't like spending money at all. They're very fearful. They're the sort of person that if you go out to dinner with them and you say, "Well, let's just split the bill evenly" they go, "But I didn't have dessert, so I should pay $8 less" or whatever.

So that's that sort of person, and that's the spender and then there's the spender, who is the opposite. There's people that are comfortable spending money and they'll enjoy spending their money. And then there's people that spend so much money that they never have any, so they basically spend it as soon as they've got it. And the other two are, the monk. That's the person who believes you don't need money to be happy. Yeah, money is a good thing, in-as-much as it gives you options and choices and that sort of thing. So the people that believe you don't need money to be happy, fall into the category of Monk.

Then you have the denier. The denier is the person who keeps racking up more and more debt, and they are a financial train wreck just waiting to happen. But they keep saying "no, it'll be all right. I'll pay it off, I'll pay it off". A very good example would be a chap I worked with years ago. He would have been in his fifties, and this was 15 years ago, so if you allow for inflation, it's probably two or three times the amount. And one day he mentioned to me the fact that he had credit card debt of $70,000. So I put that into today's money or allowing for 15 years of inflation. You'd be looking at well over double that amount, so he had probably close to $200,000 worth of debt. And that is insane because it's 18% or whatever it is in interest. He had been putting nearly all of his wage into just paying it off. So that would be the denier.

Anyway, back to my story, my ex partner and myself, she went and stood in the saver section, and I stood in the spender section because at the time I was spending, not full on, but, you know, I enjoyed spending my money and knowing that money is a major cause of divorces and relationship breakup, I had the realisation that this was something that would contribute to the end of our relationship if I didn't do something about it. So I started working on it and we ended up breaking up a few years later, to do with other things than money.

By the time I met my wife, I was on path to being a sensible spender. So I was a little more sensible. So and again, my wife is a saver, so we work in well together. I get her to loosen up, loosen up a little bit with some things, and she gets me to be sensible more. The reason relationships break up are due to money. And that is like I said, the differing opinions. So as I just mentioned with my ex partner, she was a saver. I was spender. If I didn't have that realisation and work on that, that relationship would have struggled financially. We would have had problems.

So if you want a successful relationship, and you don't want to have yet another thing contributing to a challenge. Think about what money type you are. Are you a saver, a spender, a monk or a denier? And then think about if that's going to cause problems with your relationship and start working on your relationship with money. If you're a spender, find out why you feel the need to spend so much. If you're a saver and you're on the tight-ass end of it and you know you like saving every cent you've got, ask yourself why? Where does that come from? What is the driver behind that?

Find a healthy balance, and the key to a money relationship with your partner is you have your money type. Your partner has their money type, and you have your couples money type. So when you sit together to talk about finances and plan things out, you come from your couples mindset. So the fact that money contributes to divorces and relationship breakdowns is nothing to do with money itself. People think or choose not to think, because they just blame the money directly rather than actually working on it. and getting clarity so that they can have a better relationship. They blame it on the money.

This obviously doesn't help the situation because that is what they focus on rather than their contributions. They can't take any responsibility or learn from it. So if you want a healthy relationship with your partner, have a healthy relationship with money. So it doesn't matter which of the four you sit in as long as it's a healthy form of that type, and it can actually work in your favour. If you have a partner who's in one type, you can bring them to a healthy balance. So, for example, if your partner is a spender, they like spending money. Find out why they like spending it, get them to spend it on things where they can get that same sort of result, but without spending the money, then you've got a chance of saving it and vice versa.

With the spender, find out why they like to save every cent and find ways for them to have fun while spending a little bit of money, and then they'll realise the benefits. Yeah, so if you want that healthy, high quality relationship, look at all aspects of it, and money is one of those taboo subjects. We get told. You can't ask people how much they earn and you can't ask this about money and you can't ask that, and this is ridiculous because it is another part of a relationship.

It is something that needs to be broached. I've met couples where they have separate bank accounts. They don't have joint bank accounts. They talk about loaning to each other. You know, like "you borrowed $10 off me the other day and you know, you need to pay that back". And with my wife and myself, we have joint bank accounts. Obviously, we also have our own private bank accounts. And if we're going out for one of our date nights, we still say, "Are you paying or am I paying?" Even though it's coming out of our joint bank account? So that's always amusing. I think I always get tickled by that one.

So if you want that high quality relationship, work on your money relationship, if you had a relationship in the past that struggled, look at it and see if the attitude towards money contributed to it. If so, how can you tweak it so that you can get a better result this time anyway? That's it for this one.

I wanted to defend poor money because obviously money can't speak up for itself. But money didn't break up a relationship. Was it your attitude towards it or their attitude towards it that contributed to that break up? So let's hear it for money. Money is good. Money gives you choices. Money allows you to do things to help people. You can't help anyone if you're broke, so have a good relationship with money. Then you can have a good relationship with your partner and yourself, and you can have a good life.

So on that I want to finish. Here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why does your partner need a sense of humour?

Wed, 18 Aug 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode. In this one I want to talk a little bit about what we want in our partners.

You see, when we sit down to work out who we should be in a relationship with, people tend to draw up a list, and it usually contains certain attributes or characteristics or values that these people would be desired to have, and one that seems to pop up regularly amongst the many is honesty.

People say they want a partner who's honest. Now, I want to dig into this a little bit because it pops up a lot and I don't think enough people think about these things in depth. So, we say we want a partner who's honest and with a lot of things, it's conditional. We do want someone who's honest. We don't want them to cheat on us. We don't want us then to deceive us. We don't want them to say that they love us when they don't. So in that regard, we want an honest partner.

The times when we maybe make mistakes, we don't really want our partner to be too honest with us because it tends to be a little confronting when you're given the truth about situations. Honesty is an interesting subject in as much as there are different gradients as to the levels of honesty we want in a partner. And what for one person would be honesty, for another would not be enough honesty. So therefore, it is something that is open to conjecture and discussion and debate.

Now, when I created my dating template many years ago, or the concept of the dating template, there was some things that I had to become aware of, and one of these was when I wrote down a particular characteristic or attitude or habit or belief or value that my partner would, that I would like my partner to have, sorry about that little glitch, I had to follow up the statement with 'Why?'

So if I could define why I wanted that particular trait, and what about that particular trait was so important? I found that I could have better clarity with my partner and what that future relationship would be like. For example, if I had said, I want a partner, that's truthful, which is what a lot of people put, I would ask 'why?', and then I would define why I want them to be truthful and what aspect of truthful.

So, for example, if I had been deceived by a partner in the past, and that had caused me a lot of disappointment and frustration and hurt and rejection, I might want to avoid that. So I would put in my dating template that I want them to be honest, and then why would be because I don't want to be deceived again. Now, the other aspect to look at is what you've learned from the previous situation that contributed to you requesting that in your dating template.

So once you can start to define it, you can dig into it and find out why that was actually a good thing that that happened. And what is the positive benefit for you in this current day? The ultimate aim is to work out how your future partner would have that attitude, that attribute, that belief, that habit, that would benefit you so that you could have a better quality relationship.

Ultimately, everything we want in a partner has to be centred around its ability to give us an opportunity to grow. If a relationship gives us an opportunity to grow, it is a high quality relationship and one that is worth having. If it doesn't give us that opportunity to grow through our partner being honest or whatever it is that we have requested that they have, if it doesn't give us the opportunity, it's not worth being in because you will be stagnant. You won't grow, they won't grow, the relationship won't grow and therefore it won't benefit you in any way.

So going back to where I originally started today is if you're writing down what it is you want in a partner, you will benefit greatly from defining what it is that you want them to have. What attributes, what habit, what belief, what value, what attitude, that you would like them to have also.

'Why?', as in start digging into the reasons why, how it's going to benefit you, how it's going to give you an opportunity to become a better partner, a bit of person, a better parent, so that the relationship becomes worthwhile, and then if you can define the 'why' look for lessons there you received prior to this moment, that was the catalyst for you creating that request.

So to give that some context, I'll use one that was important for me in my dating template. When I was looking for my partner, I put in their sense of humour. Everyone puts in sense of humour. The thing is, they don't define it, they don't dig into it. They don't work out the why and how it's going to benefit them. So for me, my why was they have to be able to laugh at themselves? In other words, they don't take the world overly seriously, so there's obviously serious aspects, but they don't get hung up on stuff. They are able to relax. They have a similar sense of humour to myself. In other words, they find the same sorts of things funny.

They are comfortable with a joke, both giving and taking, and therefore they are someone who is fun to be around now. My wife, when I met her, she stated that she liked Fawlty Towers, which was a show that I've loved for many years. So the moment she mentioned that, I knew that we had a similar sense of humour so that was a tick. So then I had to work out whether or not she was comfortable laughing at herself and also if she was comfortable both giving and taking teasing. The funny thing is, or the ironic thing is, she ended up having that attitude far more than I expected.

So she and I laugh a lot. She's always teasing me, never in a nasty way. It's just always in fun, and she's very good at it, unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on which way you look at it so that we actually have a really good dynamic within the relationship, which allows me to not only enjoy myself but enjoy the company of my wife and want to spend time with her and enjoy her company. Amongst the many other things that I enjoy about her, her sense of humour is something that is big. I have laughed more with her in a month than I have in years with other partners.

So if you're looking at your dating template, look at all the values, list down what it is you want in a partner, and that's easy. Things like truth, honesty, sense of humour, All these sorts of things pop up, but start digging into it, defining why and how it will benefit you and them. If they bring that to the relationship, how will that give you the opportunity to grow and be a better person so that you can have that high quality relationship you've always wanted?

Now, if you're even if you're in relationship currently, you can still do a dating template because then you get clarity on your partner, where they are offering you strengths and where they might need to work, to be able to become the partner that you'd really like to have and also what you can bring to their relationship, which is just as important.

So that was it for today. I just wanted to talk about the dating template and every time, the fact that every time I work with a client and they say they want someone with a sense of humour, we have to dig into it and find out what that is. And the greater the clarity, the stronger the foundation of the relationship. Therefore, the likelihood of you ending up with a high quality relationship is a lot higher. That's the whole point of the dating template.

So there you go. I hope that's giving you something to think about. If you're single and looking for a partner and even if you're in a relationship and looking two, upgrade your relationship to one that is high quality. So these will give you things to think about, so I hope you've enjoyed it.

If you've got any questions, there is a link. You can send us a voice message. You can send emails any method you use. You can get feedback to us. Ask a question and we'll put it into a future episode. Whatever it is you want, we're here for you anyway. I want to end as I always do with this, saying, Here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I watch a sad movie and don't cry. Am I broken?

Mon, 16 Aug 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track.

Welcome to the latest recording. In this recording, I want to continue on from what I was talking about in the last episode, which was, well, the last episode was, should men be crying? Of course, my answer was yes, and I went into it in a reasonable depth.

I wanted to continue on with that because it's something that I feel is very important, and it's vital, because it underlines, it underpins, it is a foundation for a lot of healthy relationships, a lot of healthy mental attitudes in men, a lot of balance being brought back to men. The sad thing is, as young men we're taught, and I know this was true of myself because my father was raised in that generation where men didn't cry and it was all of that sort of rubbish.

For myself, that has been something that's been very challenging to overcome. I know for many years I was ashamed to cry. I felt weak. If I did, I felt that there was something wrong with me and what I realised after many years and doing a fair about amount of work on myself and also attending numerous weekends and workshops was that my inability, my reluctance to cry was actually a major hindrance. In fact, it was probably the most damaging attitude that I had.

What I found was because I wasn't able to cry. It caused me to suppress a lot of things which came out in unhealthy ways. So what I have found now is because I have worked on myself in depth and at length, is now I'm comfortable not only actually crying, and having that ability to acknowledge when I'm sad or connecting to the, what they call the 'negative emotions', it also allows me to be comfortable crying for the so called 'positive emotions'. So pride, connection, those sorts of things.

So I find nowadays I'm a lot more comfortable and a lot more capable of crying not just on my own but in front of people. And what I've found is because I can then acknowledge the emotions. I can actually identify them a lot easier. If I feel the urge to cry coming up, I can tap into that and I can recognise, first of all, if it's a so called 'positive' or a so called 'negative' emotion and which aspect of each of those two options I am actually feeling.

So is it a sadness that I'm feeling? Is it a disappointment? Is it a frustration? Is it something else? And on the other side, is it because I'm proud? Is it because I'm connecting?

It has enabled me to become a much more rounded, and I feel healthier person overall because I'm not suppressing things. It also has enabled me to be able to tap into when I'm angry and I can tap into which aspect of angry that I am. Which aspect of just about any of the emotions, like even happy. What part of happy am I? What version?

So if you open one area of your emotions I have found and I've seen in many others, the ability to tap into and connect with all of the other aspects of yourself becomes a lot greater. So the title of this episode was about if you're watching a sad movie and you cried, do you feel broken? For a lot of men we feel broken because as that shame, the guilt, and all of this sort of thing tied in where if we cry, we're not masculine, you know, we're not tapped into our manliness and all this sort of stuff.

So if you're watching a movie that's sad and it's actually designed to tap into those emotions that bring that up, if you're suppressing that, that's also going to be suppressing other parts of your life. So for myself, I remember one of the first movies that elicited a massive crying response in myself was "Schindler's List", and there were so many aspects of that, that tapped into myself, I was looking back at history and looking at my own attitudes towards people, and that enabled me to look at that, to analyse it, to accept back into myself these things and then work on them.

So ultimately it enabled me to become a healthier, happier, more rounded, balanced person where I felt more complete. So nowadays I welcome all of my emotions. So if you're watching a movie that's designed to illicit, you know, a crying response, for example, and you're not crying, you might want to look at why is there a shame about it? Is there a guilt as a hesitancy because it's not masculine or if you're a woman, same thing.

What part of you is resisting acknowledging that emotion? So being able to tap into that and become a whole, a more whole and more complete person is probably one of the most empowering things you'll ever do. So if you're watching it, you're not broken, Okay?

One of the big beliefs that I push onto a lot of my clients is you're not broken. No one's broken. We're doing the best we can with the tools we have. And if you're struggling to connect to crying or feeling that sorrow or whatever it is, it's something else. It's not that you're breaking, something else has a stronger hold over you than that desire to connect to your sorrow or whatever it is. So you're not broken.

You just need to acknowledge it, work on it, accept it, bring it back into yourself. And what I find is because I let myself feel it. I can get past it quicker, and that's with all the emotions. So if I'm angry, if I acknowledge it and sit in it for a while, I can get out of it quicker. I don't tend to wallow in it like I used to, so you'll find that it's probably one of the healthier and better things that you will do so tap into your your sadness. Let yourself feel it, and you'll probably be a happier, more rounded person overall.

So that was that. I just felt the need to continue on from the last episode and just finalise that so, quick episode this time I hope you've enjoyed it. I hope it inspires you to go and watch some sad movies and tap into your sadness. So, yeah, until the next episode, look after yourself and remember, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Is It Okay For Men To Cry Or Not?

Fri, 13 Aug 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

In this one, I want to talk to you about something that has had a big impact on my life, and I know that for all the men that I've met that have been on this portion of a journey, it's been a big one for them as well. You see, I grew up under the tutelage of a father who did the best he could with what he knew. Unfortunately, one of the beliefs that he bought into was one that he passed on to me and that I struggled with for many years until I managed to get past it.

That is whether or not to cry. You see, my father's from the long line of stoic men that suck it up and build a bridge and don't show any sort of so called 'weakness'. In fact, in my life I've only seen my father shed two tears. One was the day that he told me I was adopted, and the second tear I saw was when my mother died.

It's unfortunate because that belief that he passed on to me probably because he didn't know any better is something that has impacted me quite strongly up until the last dozen years. It's taken me a lot of effort to explore and be comfortable with this concept of crying. A lot of men are taught from a very young age that to cry is to show weakness. So we learn to suck up our pain, to not acknowledge it, to shut down feelings of sadness, grief, disappointment.

It effectively cuts off a good chunk of who we are, and for me I found it to be damaging to my overall health. That's not just my emotional health, but also my mental health, my physical health, because all of these things are intertwined. One of the best things I could do is explore this concept of the tears, where they originate from and why we are so determined to view them as a weakness.

One of the things that I realised was the people that are truly strong are the ones that can put everything out there and have no fear of judgement, no fear of ridicule and not be embarrassed. They don't feel any guilt or any shame around showing all of their emotions, and it's taken me a lot of work and a bunch of men that I know have put in those same efforts.

The people I admire most in this world are the ones that can bring those sorts of things present and foremost in their existence, in the way that they present in the world, in the way they deal with things. The question that I posed for this podcast for this episode is "Should men cry or not?" Having been on both sides of the equation, my answer is an emphatic yes.

To cry is to acknowledge all of your emotions, to acknowledge all of your existence. It is to invite back into yourself parts that have been disowned, ignored, repressed, hidden away. These emotions or aspects of yourself being welcomed back are what allow you to feel whole, complete, and better able to deal with things. If you can't acknowledge a so called 'negative' emotion, how can you deal with it? How can you learn from it? How can you take it for its opportunity of growth and not go with it?

It's to hide away from part of who we are. Being sad is a natural part of life along with all those aspects like grieving, fear, disappointment, all of these things that are lumped under sadness. All of this means being able to acknowledge them and experience them, means you get better at dealing with them and then being able to choose something else. Ignoring, suppressing and hiding from these other aspects are what causes them to lay dormant beneath the surface. Or we think they're dormant.

What they're doing is they're actually slowly infecting all parts of our life so that we feel these emotions creeping up again and again, stronger and stronger each time, until eventually they become too much and we succumb and we collapse and have breakdowns and crises. These are not good for us. These are not things that help ourselves, our family, our partners, our friends.

Being able to bring all of you is what makes life truly rich. Being able to show your family, your friends, all of you is something that is worth having. One of the legacies I hope to leave for my children, my two sons is that it's OK to cry, and it took me a long time to get comfortable with that, with letting them see me cry, even letting my partner see me cry.

I went through a period where I would cry in the movie, and then I would quickly wipe the tears away. I let them out, but I still had the shame around it. Now my wife will watch me watch a movie, and tears were streaming down my face and I don't wipe them away anymore because the tears don't just represent sadness. And this is one of the things I had to realise by exploring it.

You can cry because you're happy, you can cry because you're proud, you can cry because you're engaged, you can cry because you relate. Tears are a wonderful thing. They are a great release. They allow you to connect. So in answer to my little question that I posed should men cry, as I said before, is an emphatic yes, they should cry because they're sad. They should cry because they're happy. They should cry because they're proud. They should cry because they're connected. They should cry because they're empathetic and and I have empathy. Gees, I have struggled with that one there. That's an interesting one. I won't edit that out. That's fun. We should embrace all of it, all of it, because then you become more whole. We become more complete, we're better able to navigate those challenging times, we're better able to accept back into ourselves those parts that we once felt were difficult and they become easier.

So that was today's. It's just a thought I had about my journey about the crying, witnessing other men cry. I still get uncomfortable with it sometimes, and that's okay. It's all part of the journey. It gives me another opportunity to explore myself.

So if you're a man and you're listening to this, cry, cry for the good times, cry for the bad times, cry because you can, cry to show not that you're weak but that you are strong, that you're able to show all of your emotions and not be fearful of judgement or criticism. Show that you are stronger than that. Show it through your tears and I will be proud of you. For you too will have stepped into my world, one where tears are enjoyable now and before I get too sentimental, I do want to leave you with this wish, that you do learn to embrace them.

The tears of joy, the tears of happiness, tears of pride, the tears of success along with the tears of sadness and grief and fear and loss, Embrace all of them, become more of you so that you can be more for others. And that is how it starts. So I leave you as usual with my thought of "Here's to a good life."

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Can A Leopard Change Its Spots?

Wed, 11 Aug 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

In this one, I want to talk about something interesting. Intriguing even. And that is, can a leopard change its spots?

We can also ask this question of ourselves. Can we change our spots now? The key here is "Is it possible?" Now, of course it's possible. That is an easy one to answer. Yes! It is possible for a leopard to change its spots. What we do need to know is "Is it probable?" That is the key here. Is it probable that that leopard will change its spots and develop different behaviours, different attitudes, different mindsets, different reactions?

We can also ask "Is it probable that we will change our behaviours, our actions, our habits, our mindsets" and that is the one that is harder to quantify, to understand its likelihood. Because we are complex emotions. We are complex mindsets. We are complex human beings.

There are many factors contributing to whether or not we will change. People, by their very nature, are driven by two things. We are either driven away from pain or we're driven towards pleasure or drawn towards pleasure. I should say.

The key is, is that drive that pushes us away from pain or pulls us towards pleasure strong enough to make it probable that we will change or someone else will change?

I'll tell a story, and it's one that illustrates, I think very strongly the aspect of probability, the probability that I am talking about. I may have told this story before in a podcast, and that's OK because it's a very strong example of what I'm talking about. Many years ago I worked with a chap by the name of Ian and we were sitting down to lunch one day and I was in a very masculine environment. There are no women, so it was very much macho and Ian was English and I being Australian, we had a little bit in common in that regard.

Now I had obviously spoken to him a number of times, so it was OK with talking to him and I was seated near him and he sat down in this very masculine environment and he was eating a salad. Now this intrigued me a man eating a salad because this isn't something that you would generally see in my very cliched environment. I inquired to Ian as to why he was eating a salad, and he informed me that he had been told some time ago by his doctor that he was quite overweight. He was 20 odd kilos overweight, that his blood pressure was high, that his cholesterol was dangerously high and that if he did nothing to rectify the situation, he would be dead within 12 months.

For many people, the threat of death would be enough to motivate you. So therefore, we would modify our eating habits, our exercise habits, and we would do something to mitigate that risk. For some people, though, we need a bigger kick. And a friend of Ian's was in pretty much the same boat at around the same time that he was. They were both overweight, had high blood pressure and high, very high cholesterol.

This other chap had been told by his doctor exactly what Ian had been told by his doctor. And that was, if you do nothing to rectify this situation, you would be dead In 12 months. Ian had been motivated by that very threat, and he's changed his eating habits. He started eating cleaner. He started exercising and the weight came off and his cholesterol dropped and his blood pressure came down and he became healthy. After a number of months, Ian had noticed that his friend was still eating what the English called chip butties, which is two pieces of bread with hot chips in between and sauce, a"nd he said to his friend, What are you doing?"

His friend, in typical macho fashion, said, "It'll be fine". Unfortunately, though, it wasn't and sadly, within the 12 months, as predicted by the doctor, this bloke dropped dead. The sad thing about that situation was that he left behind a wife and two young sons. Sometimes leopards don't change their spots because it's not very probable. They don't have a big enough painful reason to stop. They don't have a big enough promise as to the pleasure ahead that would draw them towards them.

Ian did. It was highly probable that he would change his spots and he became a better person for it, became more aware of his health, the impact on his loved ones because he had two young daughters, I think from recollection. His friend, however, didn't have enough pain. He didn't have enough promise of a pleasurable future to change, so therefore, he paid the price. So was it probable that his friend would change? It was a lot less likely.

So it's not so much. Will a leopard change its spots? It's how probable. I just recalled a memory from my own past, and that is many years ago, I was one of these people who smoked. So we're talking, in my late twenties here. I was never a habitual smoker. I would smoke a pack a day for a week, and then I wouldn't smoke for a fortnight. I did, however, continue to smoke, and one day I developed a cough and I went to my doctor.

In true doctor fashion, he said, "I'll send you off for some X rays". So we sent me off for some X rays, and I went and visited him to get the results. As he sat there looking at my X ray results, he informed me that I had the start of emphysema. Now, for those of you that may not be aware of what emphysema is or the end result, it tends to damage your larynx and your breathing ability, and you end up having to breathe through a hole in your throat. Sometimes they have to remove your voice box, which means you no longer use your vocal cords to talk. You use a little automated machine that simulates your speech when you press it against the hole in your throat.

Now I knew what emphysema was, and that terrified me. It scared the willies out of me. So from that day I never touched another cigarette. I had sufficient pain that I had a very, very high probability that I would change that behaviour, that habit, that mindset, and I haven't smoked another cigarette since that day. I have no desire to, and you couldn't pay me enough to, so that probability was very high.

Was it possible? Yes. As always, leopards can change their spots. The probability is the key. So for yourself. If you want to look at changing something, how do you make it more probable? How much pain can you give yourself so that you want to change? How much promise of an enjoyable, pleasurable future can you give yourself to draw yourself towards it? Having both of these makes it very probable. If you have sufficient pain, and that doesn't mean you have to be in pain, you just have to understand the pain.

So this friend of Ian's, he didn't understand not just the impact to himself, but the impact of his wife, his sons, his family, his work colleagues. All of these people would have been impacted greatly by his loss. That could have been sufficient pain for him, to have the probability of changing. Again, it comes down to him.

If you have someone in your life for whom you want them to get better results, to maybe stop using a particular habit, a particular behaviour, using a particular mindset, you need to show them the pain so that the probability increases. You need to give them something to work toward. That shows there is a probability that they're going to change.

So the question ultimately is not "Can A leopard changes spots its spots?" Because a leopard can. The question is, what's the probability? So what's the probability of you or someone else that you care about changing their spots?

That is the key. How much can you paint a picture of the pain and the pleasure that will be removed. So the pain that's removed and the pleasure that's increased by changing to that new behaviour, mindset, habit, belief, reaction, whatever it is.

So there you go something for you to really ponder about. Crack that in the right combination, and your life can change massively. Find the pain, not the amount of pain. This isn't about putting yourself in a huge amount of pain and hitting rock bottom. This is finding the right pain, the right angle so that someone will change. Show them that the other side, when they get there, will be pleasurable. It will be enjoyable. It'll be satisfying.

Show them that, and then, they'll change. Show yourself that and then you will change.

So get out there change some spots. Not just for yourself but also the people you care about. Leopards can change. You just need to make it highly probable that they will change.

So there you go. Thanks for listening in. It's wonderful knowing that you're listening. It's wonderful to know that this is impacting your life for the better. It is the whole reason why I record this.

So take care. Look after yourself, practise all of these things. The more you practise, the easier it gets and remember our ultimate goal, and that is having a good life.

So until next time, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Teach Your Child That They Can Say No!

Mon, 09 Aug 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

Do you recall as a child, where there were times where you would go to catch up with family members and you might have been 3 or 4? You could have been 8 or 9 or 10 maybe? You're told to go and say hello to a family member, and so you have to go up to this person who you may see regularly, you might not, and you have to hug them.

I myself have been through this, and I understand what it's like. However, I read something the other day and it showed me a side to that, that I had never considered before. That is how, we from a very young age, we condition our children, the young people in our lives, that there are things about their life that they have no say in, and I never contemplated before the magnitude of this one little action.

That is when we tell our children to go and say hello to a relative, to a family member, and it impacts many areas of our life, and I want you to consider it as well, not just if you've got children, but also how it may have affected you as an adult from when you were a child.

So think about this. This way, you've gone to meet up with a family member and you have a young child. This child could be yourself as a child, or it could be one of your children, and you have this child who they, unless they see people very regularly, don't have a strong recollection of the relationship with them.

So if they only see them a few times a year, which happens with extended family, they will have hesitations going up to someone and getting close to them, not just going up and talking to them but actually going up and giving them a hug or a kiss. They may feel uncomfortable with that. There are these adults for whom there is an authority, where they can command you to do certain things, and you don't have a say in it.

So you're nervous, maybe fearful. You're hesitant, and you're made to go up and get close to this person and show them affection when you may not naturally be feeling that. Now, as adults, we know that that was done to us as children, so therefore, we tend to use the same behaviour without thinking about it.

The challenge is, how that sets up a mindset that can seriously impact the rest of our lives all the way through our adulthood without us being aware of that. So if we look at this in simple stages, you have yourself being commanded by an authority figure to do something you don't want to do.

So, First Mindset Rule: You don't always get what you want.

Two. You may protest that you don't want to, and then you're again commanded to go and hug this person, show affection to them.

Second Mindset Rule: My values my wants, my desires. My fears aren't considered. Therefore, I don't get listened to.

You then have to go up to this person who you don't potentially know very well and you're not comfortable with. You have to get within their intimate zone, they're also in your intimate zone and you have to show them affection. So you may be uncomfortable with the way they look, the way they move. They may make contact with you, could be something about the way they smell, where you have a degree of repulsion, of hesitancy, of fear and because you are commanded to do it again.

Mindset Rule Three:, you're taught. Even if it's uncomfortable, I have to do it even if I don't want to do it. Even if I'm scared. Even if I'm worried about my safety, I have to do it. And therefore you're taught my body is not my property.

And I had never thought about this before. I read this article, and once I read it, I was like, Oh my God, this is so true. This one little incident that we don't view initially as being of such a profound impact in our life. It sets up children that way, and we do it so that the other adult doesn't feel unloved, unaccepted, whatever it is. So it's easier for us to make the child uncomfortable.

Now I know, with my nieces, with my nephews, with basically any young person now is I say to them, "Regardless of what their parents say, that they don't have to hug me." Hello, Goodbye. Whatever. Unless they want to. I respect their viewpoint about me. Now I know that they're safe with me, etc, etc. I want them to decide what they do with their body, with their emotions, with their thoughts, with their actions.

When they're around me, I want them to feel that they have that little bit of control. So for myself, I know that revisiting that from when I was younger, it was challenging because I realised how much I'd been forced to do things that I may have been uncomfortable with because it may have made other people uncomfortable. In other words, I had to be uncomfortable so that they weren't and I realised that that impacted my life these days. So I had to address that.

So now I'm very much more conscious of it. The really important thing about this is that it shows your child going back to these three mindsets that their fears, their wants, their desires, their needs are listened to, actually listened to. They are valued, they are observed, they are obeyed. That is important. That gives them confidence so that next time they're fearful, they can tell you.

The flow-on effect from this one little thing is actually quite profound. It teaches your child that they have dominion over their body. They have a degree of sovereignty over their goals, their needs, their wants, their desires, their fears, their hesitancy, their ease. This starts to build trust, respect. It gives them a better understanding of the strength that they have within a relationship. They are better able to say what they will and won't tolerate within a relationship. The impact is profound and huge.

If you currently have small children, consider this. Next time they catch up with someone, ask them if they want to go and say hello to someone. If they don't want to, don't make them. Consider the impact on them in the long term. Now, if the other person tries to force them, side with your child and say they're not comfortable at the moment. All right now, this also applies to you.

I've just suddenly remembered another part of that story where, where it originated was this woman. Her father was tickling her child, and the child wanted him to stop, and he wouldn't. So when she stepped in and asked him not to, he said, "I'm just having fun", the mother said. "But she's not. Therefore you need to stop now". He got all pouty about it and sort of went off and sulked without understanding that the child needs to feel safe. That child needs to feel valued.

And it all starts from those little moments where a child understands their power, their strength, their value, their worth. All these little moments have such a huge impact on all of us, on all of us. So I know this one's a little bit heavy, and I'm trying to keep it a little bit light, however, the severity of the impact can't be understated. It is profound. It is huge.

If you want children that are strong, capable, independent, all of this sort of thing, they need to understand that they are listened to, that they have somewhere they can be safe. So if they have people who understand and respect their boundaries, they will feel safe. I know when my boys were little, if we were wrestling or fighting, I was all right with everything except for kicking because that hurt, no matter how small they were, kicking hurts. So I had to explain to them "I'm okay with us doing anything. If you kick though it stops".

So I always made sure that no matter what we were doing, even though it might be rough and tumble because I had boys, I wanted them to know that they could also stop it at any time, so they can tap out and go. "No, I'm not comfortable any more". Doing this for your Children helps you. It helps them. That helps everyone. It lets them know that there is respect. There is trust, there is understanding, and that builds connection, which they will need later on in their life.

Also, revisit this for yourself as a child, so think about the times where maybe you were made to do something that you didn't want to do, and if it's impacted you now as to who you are. So it's a little bit heavy and a little bit to think about. I want you to feel comfortable exploring it so that you can become more of who you are. To stand up for your boundaries. Stand up for what you want, what you're fearful of.

It allows you to then, to be more open so that you can do, you know, whatever healing or exploration that you need to do to become the best version of you. So I know this one's probably been a little heavy. Things in life do get heavy sometimes. So I hope you're a little more comfortable exploring it, thinking about it and the way that it impacts us and the people that we care about. So, yeah, that's it for today.

Teach your child that they can say no and also teach your own inner child that they can say no, that it's okay to say no. If other people get upset, that's their journey. It's nothing to do with you. Make sure your journey is good and congruent with yourself.

There we go. Get out there. Practise it. Let your children know that it's OK as well. And then everyone's life can be that little bit better, which is ultimately what we're after. So that's it for today. Enjoy yourself. Look after yourself. Thanks for listening.

As always, my podcast is expanding. Feel free to share it with people that you care about, and I'll catch you on the next episode. Until then, here's to a good life

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How Do You Deal With Your In-Laws?

Fri, 06 Aug 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track.

Welcome to the latest episode. I have been married before, as you probably realise, from listening to my podcasts, and one of the things that I have had as a challenge, which is the same challenge that anyone has when they get married, is in laws.

Now we've all heard the stories about in-laws that are a real pain in the butt, and we've heard the jokes about in-laws, and we've heard a lot of these negatives. A lot of the time we see the in-laws as an unwanted piece of baggage, something that we don't want to deal with, someone that seems to give us more headaches than anything else.

Where a lot of people struggle and make their first mistake is when they meet someone, they meet them and they say, "Wow, this is a really nice person. I like them", and after a period of time, you fall in love. Once you're deep enough in love, you think "Wow, maybe I could spend my whole life with this person".

Then you get married and you start having to contend with the in-laws. The problem is, a lot of people forget that when you hook up with someone, unless they've been orphaned and they have literally no family, you're going to have to contend with in-laws. You're going to have to contend with a mother, and a father, and siblings, and uncles, and aunties, and cousins, and friends, and all of these people come along.

Now they all obviously love and care for this person and connect with them, especially the friends, because they choose to be with them. Relatives, you have them by default and they're with them. Because of that reason, they may not necessarily be a match for you. So you could be a match for your partner, but not necessarily a match with your in-laws, and that means the problems start, the challenges start, the obstacles are created.

Now, how is this possible? How does this happen? It happens because there is, and a lack of understanding around that initial part of whether or not you match. I want to give you a couple of pointers to help with dealing with in-laws, and this is something that's pretty important to bear in mind.

I may not cover all the points here, however, what I give you will make a big difference to where you're currently at or where you may be in the future, depending on whether you're in a relationship already or whether you're going to be in one at some point in the future.

So when you hook up with someone, these people come by default. Now you don't have to like them. You don't have to love them. Same as anyone that's in your life. You don't have to like them or love them. You choose to. The way you can make this easier, is to understand this little scenario, and I learned this one from a chap by the name of Pat Mesiti, and he used this little story when his teenage daughter was out and she wasn't home by the time she said she'd be home and he couldn't contact her on the phone.

Like any parent, he was worried, and when she came home, he was obviously distressed, and she was trying to tell him that it was nothing and she was OK and everything like that, and he used this metaphor to explain to her why he was so concerned.

He asked her "If I had a million dollars and I put it in a suitcase and I left it outside the front door. Would that be wise of me?" And his daughter said "No, I'd think you're an idiot to leave something out there of such value where it could be stolen." He said to his daughter, "Well, you're worth a lot more to me than that million dollars" and she started to connect to "I'm out there and I'm of great value to my father, therefore, he needs to know that I'm safe, that I am going to make it home safely and that his investment in me is worth it."

So when you get a partner, regardless of their age, they have people that have invested a lot of time in them. So mothers, fathers, siblings, extended family, friends. All these people have spent time with this person, and it could be they could be building them up or tearing them down, it doesn't matter. They have this history, and you're coming into that as an outsider, so if you bear that in mind, that you're the fly in the ointment, the lump in the gravy, so to speak, that you are the one who is the outsider, not them, they come as part of the package deal.

So if you just bear in mind from their point of view, they're concerned about the impact of this person. No-one wants to see someone we love getting hurt. We don't want to see that. We know it's possible. It may happen. That's what happens in life. Sometimes we get upset, sometimes we get hurt. We just don't want it to be unnecessary. So this was one of the things I realised with a lot of my in-laws. So I actually put the effort into getting to know these people and understand them.

Now. Luckily for me, they were all pretty decent people, so they were easier to like and respect and have trust with and all of this sort of thing than it would be for other people that maybe I had more challenges with. I would have still put the same amount of effort in even if I didn't necessarily like them, because I knew they were part of the package that came with my partner. If you always bear that one in mind that you are the outsider and you're not winning them over.

All right, this isn't about a manipulation or anything like that. It's getting to the point where you can see something in them that you enjoy, that you like being around with, where you can connect, and then your relationship with them can grow and evolve and become better. You have to understand, though, that you're the outsider and vice versa. When your partner meets up with your family, your friends, your parents, your siblings, they have that same challenge.

So bear in mind that they're going to be coming in and being uncomfortable trying to find that common ground with your family. So you have to understand that that's their journey as well as yours into their world. So if you just start with this one little thing in mind, it will make your relationship a lot easier.

I'll give you an example for myself that I used understanding this very same principle that I'm talking about. When I married my wife, we couldn't do the traditional father of the bride handing her over to me because her father had passed. I lost my mother years ago as well. So we both lost a parent, so we understood each other in that regard. I knew that her mother would be concerned about her daughter, because obviously she's put all that effort into raising her. She wants to know that her daughter is safe and going to be looked after, and all of these sorts of things that every parent worries about.

What I did is, I wrote a letter to her mother explaining that I understood that she was worried about whether she had made a good choice. I assured her that I would do my absolute best to look after her, to support her and to be the sort of husband that she can be proud of. When her culture gets married, they do an exchanging of gifts. So people come up and they give you a little gift, a memento for the day to make it special, and when her mother came up, she gave my wife a gift, and then she gave me one, and I thanked her, and then I reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out this envelope and handed it to her. My wife's like, "What's that?" And I said "Nothing! You'll find out later" and her mom took this away and she read it and it took her a little while to process it and to understand it and to see the evidence of that being true.

The wonderful thing was I pre-framed her about what I was going to do, and then I followed through. So she saw that I was congruent between what I would say and what I would do. That means she has then trust in me, trust that I'm going to do what I said I was going to do. She has respect because I'm looking after her daughter. So we have a really cool relationship. Because of this, I understood that her family came as a package deal. So I had to get her brother, and her sisters and all the extended family and nieces and all of that, they all came as part of the deal and the friends.

So all I did was took the time to understand they had this history. So I listened to what they've been through, what they've done together, what they've talked about, what they've experienced, so I could see their world together, their history together. I could understand who she got on with, who she might be having challenges with and why, and then I could support her properly.

So I used her world to support my relationship with her. So know that your in laws don't have to be a bad thing. It can be. If you want to be ignorant and butt heads with them and have challenges, they are going to happen anyway. You're going to have times when you don't agree with them, and that's OK. You don't have to agree with them.

Finding common ground of respect and trust and all of these things will help you create a better relationship. So if you currently have a challenge with an in-law, pause and look at it from a bit of a pulled back situation, where you can see it for what it is, look at where you might have that challenge and how you might make that a little easier for both of you.

So see that they might be concerned about something, and then you can address that so that they feel more comfortable and assured that you're going to do the right thing by that person that you've chosen. So that's one thing that I found has helped me immensely with in-laws, is understanding that history that comes with my partner.

So if you want to make your relationship with your in laws easier, that's what you need to do is find that common ground. Find that situation where you can explore and understand each other. Then, at some point it will all start to come together. You'll develop more of a relationship, and that will make your relationship with your partner easier.

So, instead of family get-togethers being a real pain in the butt, they can be something that can deepen your relationship with your partner just by finding that common ground.

So, there you go. Have fun with it. Yes, it's a challenge. It's worth it though, it's worth it. When you see the depth of connection you can make with their friends, with their extended family, with their immediate family, and because of that, how much it can deepen your relationship with your partner.

So again it takes effort, it takes work, it takes attention. The results from it though make it thoroughly worthwhile, so get out there, practise it, persist and get the results.

Thanks for listening. And remember, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why Do I Struggle To Say How I Feel?

Wed, 04 Aug 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track.

Welcome to the latest episode. Have you ever had this scenario? You've got something that's bothering you. It's been eating away at you for ages. It's been going around in your head again and again, and this could be something that someone said, or a situation that's come up, or a challenge that you've got or something that's upset you, that you need to communicate to someone.

You start explaining it to them, and as you're starting to explain it, if you like me, this is how your thought processes go is "I've got this thing that I need to say to you. The trouble is, I'm still exploring it and weighing it up and figuring it out and trying to understand it. So as I'm saying it, I'm just going to try and verbalise it to you" and you start verbalising it and then they get confused so they suddenly try and get you to explain or justify, and it scrambles your thoughts, and then suddenly it all just goes pear shaped, and you either get frustrated and you end up in an argument or you get annoyed and you walk away.

Now this definitely used to be me. Yet many years ago where I would get upset about something and I would start talking to my partner and explaining it, and then they would get frustrated or confused or angry or whatever, and then they would respond and my head would get scrambled, and suddenly I'd be like, I'd either get angry and retaliate, or I would walk away being even more frustrated and annoyed what I was at the start.

One thing I did for ages was to live my life like that, and I was in this constant state of wanting to explain things, to be able to get people to see my point of view, to get them to understand how I'm feeling and it always seemed to end the same way with me being frustrated and in a worse position.

So a number of years ago before I started on my journey of getting everything sorted out, I realised one thing I needed to do was get that processing in my mind to a point where I could actually start to get some results. Now for a lot of us, when we have anything that we're trying to learn or understand or articulate, it takes time because when we initially attempt it, we're not very good.

As time goes on, we develop the skills, we develop the confidence, we develop the natural ability to do these things. If you think about your job when you first started it, whatever it is that you do when you first did it, you would have had lots of confusion, and questions, and uncertainty, and hesitations, and fears, and it would have been a challenge for you to do your job.

Now you don't need to think about it. Same as driving a car. When you first do it, it's overwhelming, and then after a while you get the hang of it and it becomes easier and then you don't need to think about it. Being able to articulate how you feel is a challenge, and it's a challenge because of a number of things.

One, when we articulate our emotions, we have to go into a place of vulnerability. We have to open ourselves up to judgement and all of this sort of thing, so it takes a degree of courage, first of all, to get started because we're moving into an area of uncertainty. We're on a little bit of thin ice. We're a little unsure of where to put our feet as we go along.

The ice gets thicker, however, to get there first, we need to be able to understand what's going on in our heads so we can get that out and emotions are a tricky thing. The reason they're tricky is we don't get taught about them. I know that was certainly the case for myself. I'm assuming that it's the same for you. It seems to be for most people I talked to, so if you want to be in a situation where you're able to articulate, you're going to probably go through a lot of frustration first.

For myself, what I found was easier, was to do the work privately before I took it to a partner. So I have to start understanding how to to look at my emotions and see them for what they were to be able to understand them, to see how they fit into each other and how they impacted my life both in a good way and a not so good way.

I also have to understand there is no such thing as a good emotion or a bad emotion. It's just an emotion. Once I started to understand them, I then had to be able to articulate them. That's where I then brought it to another person, and that takes time.

They may get frustrated, and that's okay because they're trying to understand, whether it's a partner, a work colleague, a family member, a friend, it doesn't matter, everyone is trying to understand how well they do and understanding is part of their personal journey. You can't make their frustration be part of your problem.

You're probably dealing with enough as it is just trying to be able to articulate what it is that you're feeling. So if you're one of these people, like I used to be, where you have trouble articulating what it is that you feel, start off first of all, understanding your emotions. Once you start to understand your emotions, then you can start practising articulating them.

How I would recommend you start understanding your emotions is using the same tool I did many years ago. What I did at the end of every day was, I sat down with a list of emotions, and I asked myself, "Did I at any point today experience this particular emotion?" The list itself was made up of a mix of various so called negative and so called positive emotions, and all I did was ask myself, "Did I feel it for any moment during this particular day?"

So, for example, "Proud. Did I have a moment today when I felt proud?" and I might ask myself or remind myself I had that moment where I completed my job. I completed it efficiently on time. It looked good. It presented well. I was proud of that moment, and so as long as I could recognise it after the fact, it became easier to recognise it during the fact.

Now it took a number of months for me to achieve this because, like a lot of men, I was shut off from my emotions. So I had to really work at this. But I did it every evening for months on end until I got to the point like I am now, where in any given moment I could recognise multiple emotions that I'm feeling. Like even at the moment, as I'm standing here recording this for you, I'm experiencing a number of emotions, and I can identify each of those accurately because I've taken the time to learn them.

So if you start by learning your emotions, when it comes time to articulate them to other people, regardless of who they are, it will become easier because you can identify them first of all, then all you have to do is say, "I am feeling...", whatever emotion it is that you're feeling in that particular moment.

That is what I would recommend. Getting past this particular challenge is at first getting comfortable and used to identifying and understanding your emotions, which will lead you to naturally being able to better articulate them to another person. The moment you can articulate them better, then it becomes easier to find a solution with that person for that particular challenge that you're going through.

So it's just a simple process of starting at one point, moving on to the next point and then get into some level of mastery, the same as your job or driving a car, where it becomes more and more natural, and more and more possible that you'll get to a result that you're happy with.

So there you go. That was what I wanted to talk about today, something that was a massive part of my journey to get to a point of having a high quality relationship where I could articulate exactly what I needed to articulate with my partner.

So get out there, practise these things. If you need any help, send us a message and we're happy to help. That's what we're here for. I'll also include a link to download my little emotion list so you can see the exact same list. I used to get in touch with my emotions. I recommend doing it every evening just before you go to bed. It'll take you about 15 to 20 minutes, and it will be the best 15 to 20 minutes of your day that you could spend.

So click on the link, download your little emotion list, practise it, practise it, practise it, you'll get better, and the result will be worth it. Because you'll be able to articulate better, you'll feel better being able to articulate it, and you'll get a better result with the relationships with the people that you care about.

So there you go. That's it for today. Have a fantastic day. Look after yourself and remember, here's to a good life

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How Can Someone Fall Out Of Love?

Mon, 02 Aug 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track.

Welcome to the latest episode. If you are like anyone, you would have been in a relationship and there would have been good moments and not so good moments and that's the ups and downs of relationships.

The one thing that seems to baffle a lot of people is when they end the relationship or the other person ends the relationship and the phrase "I've fallen out of love" would get bandied around as a reason for the relationship ending.

Now, for a lot of people, that seems like a get out of jail free card, and a lot of people play it free and easy, and there is very little understanding as to what that phrase actually means. The problem for a lot of people is, and I know myself, I struggled with this, is understanding what love is.

Now, I like a lot of people had relationships where after a period of time, I felt I was no longer in love with them, or they use that phrase that they no longer loved me, and I struggled with that, and I'm guessing you would have as well because if you're listening to this, part of the heading resonated with you and you felt maybe this is something I need to learn more of understand this love thing.

So what I've realised is that love is an incredibly complex emotion. It's not a singular emotion. A lot of people use it and throw it around as if it's a singular emotion. And also we have associated it with things that we shouldn't associate it with, like I love this food, or I love this book, or I love that movie.

Love is due to its complex nature, more attributed to human interactions rather than inanimate objects like food. You can enjoy food, you can enjoy a movie, you can be entertained by a movie. You can derive satisfaction from it. Love, though, is very much a human condition, and one I want to explain to you how people fall in and out of love.

When we first meet someone, there are a number of factors at play. There is the initial attraction, which is generally viewed as lust. It's a basic attraction to someone on a very physical level. We can like them, we can enjoy their company. We can enjoy being around them as we slowly develop all the different aspects of the relationship, we develop that thing called love.

Now love is made up of trust, respect, support, encouragement, accountability, growth, so many different things. Now, I don't know if you know anything about sound engineering, but they use a thing that's colloquially called a graphic equaliser. Now, what that means is, there are aspects of the sound that you can alter. According to these little scales. Each scale or slider, as they call them, will determine the strength or the weakness of a particular aspect of the sound.

So, for example, just to keep it nice and simple, if you have the bass of a sound, you can turn up the bass and make it very bass heavy. Or you can tone down the bass and you've also got things like the treble, which is the higher notes, which you can make it really light and sharp, or you can drop that down. It becomes a more muted sound.

Now if you apply this analogy to a relationship, each of those little sliders is one of the aspects of love, so trust, respect, etc, etc, so as you learn to trust someone and respect someone and encourage them, get support from them and give support, and all of that, all the sliders go up, which means they become a higher and higher influence in the relationship, which means you develop love now.

I first started to realise this years ago when I was talking to a chap who lived next door to myself and he is an Indian or of Indian descent, I should say, and his parents had organised for him to get married to this young woman. Now he admitted to me that when he first met her, he did not like her at all. Now I think at the time, they had been married for like 15 or 16 years, and he said he couldn't imagine his life without her.

The thing is, as they developed in their relationship and had their challenges that they overcame, they developed that trust in one another, that knowing that the other was there to support them and all of the other aspects became stronger and stronger and stronger until he eventually developed this love of this woman, and that's where I first started thinking about love in that regard

The problem is, how people fall out of love is it's the exact opposite. So instead of the slide is moving up and the love developing and getting stronger, the sliders slowly gets moved downwards, so things like trust gets slowly eroded, respect, encouragement, drops off. Support drops off. All of these things start to reduce and as they reduce, the love diminishes.

The challenge for a lot of people is they don't realise that the love is diminishing until one day they suddenly notice it's gone. And that's because no attention was paid to the relationship as it was diminishing until it was too late. Now it doesn't mean it's too late, no it doesn't. Love can be redeveloped, it takes effort, it takes effort to build it in the first place, and it can be rebuilt. However, a lot of people they just go "I'm out of love with you now" and not fully understanding what love is, and then they walk away from it and start all over again and possibly recreating that scenario again because they haven't learned that it takes effort and attention to build love in a relationship.

So If you're in a relationship and you want it to succeed, you need to be looking at all the different aspects that make up love. Now I could rattle off a list of all different attributes and components of the emotion love, however, for each person they're a little bit different, and this depends on your relationship values and that sort of thing, so that what is important to you may not be quite as important to me and vice versa.

So if you want the best possible relationship, look at what's important to you in a relationship. What are the aspects and then work on each of those and love will develop. Love will become deeper, more meaningful and stronger due to this effort. If you don't put the effort in, its slowly diminishes because it's either increasing or it's decreasing.

These things are determined by you, your efforts and your attention to them. If you want that strong relationship and you don't want to either be the person that uses the phrase "I've fallen out of love with you" or hearing it from your partner, you need to put the attention in.

Love is a wonderful thing, and for myself, I know that it gets deeper and deeper the more time I spend with my wife because we both actively put the effort in. I see it regularly with people, and conversely, I see it where it's being eroded, and that's not pleasant to watch, especially when you're aware of it.

So if you want a quality relationship, it takes effort. Is it worth it? Yes, absolutely. It should never be hard work, however, it does take work. If you want that quality relationship, put the effort in. If you want help in getting that relationship, that's what I'm here for. So feel free to send us a message or click one of the links in the show notes, and you can check out some of the things that I do and help people with love is worth it, so make sure that you work towards yours so that you can have what you deserve.

Okay, thanks for listening and look after yourself, and remember, here's to a good life

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The five levels, yes, FIVE levels of truth telling

Thu, 29 Jul 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi! This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track.

Welcome to the latest episode. In this one, I want to talk to you about a subject that I came across in a series of books by Neale Donald Walsch. If you haven't heard of Neale Donald Walsch, he was struggling with his life, just to give you a little bit of back story for this. He, one night in a fit of rage, wrote on a pad, "Why is my life like this?" and he basically vented.

Then he had this voice that spoke to him. He gave it the title of God. Some people would call it your inner wisdom, your inner voice, your inner knowledge. Basically, it's the smarter part of you that spoke to him. In his series of books. As he unloaded all this information that was in him. He mentioned one that for me, resonated strongly, and it affected me pretty intensely. The big challenge, was though, was finally admitting it all to myself.

So what he spoke about was the five levels of truth telling. Real change in your life cannot happen until you start telling yourself the truth. He gave it five levels, and I've been working on that for a long time, and it takes courage to be able to look at those parts of yourself and the parts of others that could be challenging. The thing that I have found though is, the more you can admit to it, it's harder to love someone and love yourself when you see all of the unpleasant parts.

However, what I realised is, you love someone deeper when you can accept all of them and all of yourself. So the first five levels I'll go through them and then I'll talk a little bit about my journey a bit more.

The first level that he speaks about is telling yourself the truth about you. This one is challenging because admitting that we're scared, that we're struggling, all of these sorts of things have fear, guilt, shame tied into them. That's sad, because that tends to hold us back. This is where denial gets thrown out the window. You stop lying to yourself about how you're really feeling.

The second level is telling yourself the truth about someone else. That means admit to yourself that sometimes they're not behaving in the nicest of ways, and this is where it becomes challenging is because you have to admit that there are these things about other people that you then have to learn to love and accept those parts? We are taught growing up that there's certain parts that are wrong, and so we have to learn to disown them or suppress them, and that's sad because it just is a part of who we are.

The third one is to tell someone else the truth about you. So admit to someone when you're struggling, admit to someone when you're scared, admit to someone when you're angry about something. That can also be challenging because we're taught, don't put yourself on other people. Don't impose on them. Don't bring them down. Don't speak to them about negative things because you'll upset them. So we're taught all of these things.

The next one is number four, is tell someone else the truth about themselves. If they're behaving in a way, that might go against a moral compass, for example, you call them on it. If they make a statement that could be inflammatory. You educate them and you do that first of all, by pointing it out to them.

The final one is number five. Tell everyone the truth about everything. I've been working on all of these for pretty much the last sort of 10 years, and it's been challenging, it's has been intimidating.

I've had a lot of fear around upsetting other people, offending other people, and what I've realised is a lot of the stuff we're taught isn't actually correct. People don't tend to get offended. People don't tend to get upset, and if they do, you can just get curious about it. There are so many different avenues and paths that are not pointed out to us when we tell the truth.

If you're with someone and you don't feel secure enough, comfortable enough, to be able to speak your truth, and hear theirs, your relationship will never develop any great depth. This can be applied to friendships, work relationships, family relationships. All of them are predicated upon by this ability, this opportunity to be able to tell the truth about how we feel, how we see the world, how we interact, how we react, and we should be allowed to bring all of us to the table, bring all of us to our reality, and we should be able to also accept other peoples.

So they're the five levels of truth telling, and I know I have struggled with them. Occasionally. I'll still have a little bit of struggle because that little voice that I was raised with, at the back of my head goes "Ooooh, you can't say that" or it says "Don't do that, you'll upset people" or "You'll cause offence" or "You can't do that. It's not the right thing to do".

Being able to monitor and silence that little voice that speaks a load of rubbish is a very empowering thing, and being able to say exactly how you feel with no fear of recrimination or negation or minimalisation, or having to argue or justify or explain, is a wonderful place to be in.

Does that mean you'll never have arguments? It doesn't. You're going to have arguments, you're going to run into people. The thing that I found though is, the more comfortable you get with the truth, the easier it is to hear, the easier it is to speak. It's like any skill, you have to practise it. You have to work at it. Truth can be challenging, in fact, one of the best signs I've ever heard, which I love saying, and for those of you that don't like a little bit of slang, a little bit of mild profanity, you may want to skip this next little bit. However, I love the impact of it, and that saying is "The truth shall set you free, but not before it pisses you off".

The reason is, the truth is uncomfortable. I've noticed in the world now more and more, the truth of past history is coming out, and this is where we get this dichotomy between where we want to learn from history, we want to get it out there, we want to have the truth out there. However, we want to also want to erase it, and that's the wrong attitude. History, and that's not just our collective history, it's our individual history, it's there for us to learn from.

We tend to go gloss over our mistakes, where we made errors in judgement. Sadly, though, these are our best learning experiences, we're taught that we should have fear and guilt and shame about them. We should try and hide them and then we forget the lessons and we tend to repeat them. Telling yourself the truth about things, and one thing that I've found, this just popped into my head, is listening to my gut. I was just talking to someone yesterday about this where I mentioned to them in the past, there are many times where I haven't listened to my gut, and afterwards I've realised my gut was right. My gut was telling me something that I needed to become aware of, a behaviour of someone who may have been going against my moral compass or a decision that I know on some level will take me down a path I don't really want to be down, and I don't need to go down.

The wonderful thing about lessons is you don't need to repeat them, if you got them the first time, you've got them. As long as you tell yourself the truth about them. If someone tries to use, say, a guilt trip on you to get you to do something, just admit to yourself "They're trying to manipulate me. That's not a very nice thing. I'm not going to buy into that. I still love them. I'm just not going to buy into that particular habit, that particular behaviour, therefore, I'm going to stop that here now, before it causes damage, causes damage to me and to my relationship with them."

So all you're doing is calling them on their rubbish so that it doesn't impact you in a negative way. Can you still love them? Yes, of course you can still love them. You don't have to stop loving someone just because they want to behave in a way that's negative. Remember, everyone's doing the best they can with the tools they have, So if that's the only tool they have, that's the only tool they're going to use.

So I've rambled a little bit, however, on hoping the examples I've given will give you enough insight that you can understand where I'm coming from. You can't make real progress in your life until you start telling yourself the truth. So work on those five levels of telling the truth. Tell yourself the truth about you. Tell yourself the truth about someone else. Tell someone else the truth about you. Tell someone else the truth about themselves and then tell everyone the truth about everything, all the time.

If you can work on those five, the further along you get, the better off you'll be. It could be a challenge. It could be scary. It can be confronting, however, ultimately, it's well worth it. So aim for the truth and keep working at it, keep working at it because you're worth it. And remember, we're all trying to get the best life that we can. So I'll end as I always do, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When does a relationship actually fail?

Mon, 26 Jul 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

In this one I want to talk to you about a mindset shift, a different way of looking at something and something that I see affects a lot of people. That is that I have a belief that their relationship failed, that their marriage failed, that they failed.

I know for myself I bought into this belief for a long time because obviously I had been through two marriages prior. It was only after the so called failure of my second marriage that I started to look at this mindset of seeing it as a failure. The problem is, we're taught from a very young age that a relationship, a marriage, you have to look for this happily ever after, this forever type thing.

What I realised, was, that sets us up for a failure because we tie longevity in with the quality or the effectiveness of a relationship. I know a chap, years ago, he said that his parents had 50 years of wedded misery. He actually encouraged him to make his mother to leave his father. That is how bad it was, he encouraged his mother to leave his father. She, of course, had taken wedding vows and said, "No I'm going to stick it out to the bitter end". She didn't use those words, but she may as well have.

That is where we get our challenges. That is where we get the mindset where we feel bad about a relationship ending. If you are in a damaging relationship. If you are in a demoralising relationship, sticking that out does not make you some sort of champion or martyr or anything like that. It makes you an idiot. The length of a relationship has nothing to do with the quality or the effectiveness of a relationship.

If a relationship lifts you up, it is worth pursuing. It is worth sticking at. If it is dragging you down, you need to be walking away. So for myself, I know I've been married twice before, and I'm now married a third time. As far as I'm aware, this one will be it. If, however, for whatever reason it ended, I would still view it as the best thing that ever happened to me, and neither of us have failed because within this relationship, we have both grown immensely, and that is what dictates the effectiveness of a relationship. It is not the length of time, it is the quality.

I dare say, most people would prefer to have 10 years of really high quality than 50 years of just blehh. So what we need to do is have a mindset shift. We need to be looking at relationships effectiveness instead of their longevity. So if you have a relationship, a marriage that has ended, if you want to view it as a failure, that is your choice. That is your prerogative.

What I would recommend though, is to look at what you can get from the relationship. So I'm not talking about bad memories and all of this sort of stuff and with the pain. What I'm referring to is, what lessons can you get from it? What can you get from that, that will make you a better person? If you can receive from a relationship or a marriage that has ended, if you can receive lessons, if you can receive insight, if you can receive some sort of information that makes you a better person, then that relationship has succeeded.

The lessons that I received, especially from my second marriage, was so immense that relationship, that marriage succeeded. As far as I'm concerned now it's succeeded. It worked, I got from what I wanted, I got from what I needed. It guided me to becoming a better person. Therefore it succeeded. It didn't have longevity. It did, however, have effectiveness. It did what it set out to do. It assisted me. It guided me. It encouraged me and challenged me to be a better person.

Without that relationship, without that woman who at the time I thought or felt was extremely negative, she turned out to be the best thing to ever happen to me. Without that, I would not be where I am today, more than likely. What I would recommend to you is that little mindset shift of, it may not have worked longevity-wise. How did it work quality-wise? What did it give me that allowed me to become a better person?

If you make that small mindset shift, you will find that all your relationships suddenly become successful. If you look deep enough and you were brave enough and you are curious enough and admit the truth to yourself. You can get some wonderful insights that can make all your relationships successful, and I mean all of them. I look at all of my relationships now as successful. They all guided me to where I am now. None of them failed.

They all did their job, and that is what we are ultimately after. Is a relationship moving us forward or is dragging us backwards? If it's dragging you backwards, you need to walk away. If it's pushing you forward, be grateful for it. Be grateful that that person came into your life. So no marriage, no relationship ever actually fails.

That was a little mindset shift I want to give you. It's a big one. It's an important one because otherwise we drag them around and beat ourselves with it, and we feel bad. We can't. We shouldn't do that because it does not help us at all. Having fear, guilt, shame about relationships that have not had longevity, is a poor thing to do that serves us no good.

So there you go. A little mindset shift for you. That should help you make a lot of sense of your relationships and feel better about them. Get curious. Be brave. Look for some answers and become a better version of you because of these so called failed relationships and marriages.

So look after yourselves, put in the hard work because you're worth it. You deserve a good life. And that's the thought I want to leave you with today.

You deserve a good life. So here's to a good life. Thanks for listening. Take care of yourselves.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How do I get properly motivated?

Thu, 22 Jul 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, This is Wayne from Life Back On Track.

Welcome to the latest episode. Today I want to talk about something that's a little bit of a challenging, complex and very deep subject, and that's one of motivation.

I have people who do ask me, How do I get motivated? There's been many books written on motivation. How to get motivated, how to stay motivated and all of this sort of thing. Ultimately, motivation comes down to one of two things, and sadly, there's no guarantee that either of these are going to work. The two reasons we get motivated, one is to move away from pain and the other one is to move towards pleasure.

Most people are more motivated by moving away from pain than they are from moving towards pleasure. Basically, that means when you're in enough pain, then you may do something about it. The problem is, sometimes the drivers that are causing us to not be motivated, to be distracted, to procrastinate, do all of these things and not achieve what we say we want to achieve.

Because those drivers can sometimes be so deep, they will override any desire for motivation. One of the most extreme examples I've ever heard of, is I worked with his chap years ago and we were in a very masculine environment. So it was all men. It was very blokey, you know, we all sat down to a mans meal at lunchtime and all that sort of rubbish. This chap sat down and he had a container full of just salad, and I think he might have had a bit of tuna, bit of chicken or something, but it was a very light meal in comparison to a lot of what a lot of the men were eating.

I was curious, and I said "What's the deal with the salad?" He said, "Well, a few years ago, I was told by my doctor, you know, that I was very overweight and my blood pressure was very high and my cholesterol was very high, and if I did nothing, I'll be dead within 12 months." He said "So I started walking and I started watching what I ate, minimise my drinking, all of this sort of thing, cut out the bad foods."

He said "I lost all the weight, my cholesterol came down, my blood pressure came down and I'm all good. You know, I've dropped nearly 20 kg" and all this sort of stuff. Then he said something which I found quite astounding is his mate was in exactly the same situation, where his doctor had said to him, "You need to do something about your weight, your cholesterol and your blood pressure or you'll be dead within 12 months".

This chap kept eating chip butties, which, if you've never heard of them before, it's where you get hot chips and you put them between two pieces of bread and you make a sandwich out of them. He kept eating these and the chap, I just remembered his name, forgotten for ages, but it's Ian, Ian said to his mate, "How come you still eating these chip butties?" His mate says to him "It'll be fine. It'll be fine", and about seven, eight months later, he dropped dead.

The sad thing is, of course, he had a wife and he had two young sons and the drive to keep eating poorly was greater than the threat of his death. So that's one of the most extreme examples I've heard off where you're actually faced with that possibility of you're going to die, but your driver's still push you to go down that path.

Now. I've put some thought into this because I've myself, like a lot of people have struggled sometimes with motivation. You know, you get distracted, you procrastinate and what I found is, sometimes people get overwhelmed with getting a result.

They want to get fit. They want to get healthy. They want to have more money. They want to have better relationships, and they look at the big, overarching journey and they get overwhelmed with it. They think "I'll never be able to achieve that". "It's going to be too difficult". So one way to get motivated is to break things down, make them doable. Then what you do is those little steps, once you've made them doable, get someone to hold you accountable. That's what I've heard called "Holding your feet to the fire".

If you have someone who cares enough about you, they will say to you, "You said you were going to do it, why haven't you done it?" And they will push you to look for the reason the motivation that has held you back from achieving your result, because sometimes that motivation to not achieve is stronger. That could be one way to get motivation.

Another one is to make that pain so uncomfortable, not death, but so uncomfortable that you achieve it. So the one that I heard, ages ago, which I think was brilliant, and I might have mentioned this in other podcasts was these two women who wanted to lose weight and they had both tried all the diets and they'd struggled, and they realised the only way they were going to achieve this was to make it so uncomfortable that they had to do it.

What they did then was they went into the shops and their bought a can of dog food, and they're made sure they picked a can that mentioned that it contained horse meat. So they had these cans of dog food that contained horse meat, and they knew that it contained horse meat and the deal was if one of them had skipped on their exercise, or didn't want to work out, the other person had to force them to eat this can of dog food. What they found was, every time they felt the need to or the desire to skip their exercise they would look at this can of dog food and say, "I would rather put up with, you know, 20 minutes of exercise rather than eating that can of dog food. Ultimately, though, they achieved their result, which is what you want.

There's a number of different ways you can do this. It's up to you. You can get creative. I've heard of websites where you put a donation into their account and they have a list of charities that you would never support. What you do is you pick one of these, and if you don't achieve your goal, they donate money to this charity that you would never support. I've heard of those websites, and that's a good idea.

However, if you do make it a bit closer to home, it tends to get you more motivated. So there's a couple of ways you can get past your motivation slump, is you may feel that its too big or you may not have enough discomfort. There was a saying I came across years ago, which is a beautiful summarisation of this situation, and that is, "People only change when the pain of change is less than the pain of staying the same".

Sometimes our pain of change is difficult. We see the exercise every day to get fit as too much, so we don't try. We find the discomfort of putting aside money for investing too discomforting when we just want to buy something and feel good for the moment. So it's balancing out the two and getting the pain of not achieving it high enough that it pushes you, and then making the steps small enough and do-able enough that you'll actually go out and do it.

One I've heard is, if you want to exercise, say to yourself, I'll just put my shoes on or I'll just do one push up because then once you're in that situation where you've done one push up, you say well I'm down here, I've already done one so I may as wall do another nine or ten or twenty or whatever it is so breaking it down, making it do-able and having accountability.

I've always found accountability a good one because if someone cares about you enough, they will hold you accountable. They will say, "Why didn't you do what you said you were going to do? Do it. I care about you. I want you to get your results. Let's get them."

So I hope that gives you some insight into motivation. I hope that gives you some ideas for motivation. What I found is from talking to a lot of people is motivation doesn't always work. It is such a personal and internal challenge that we have. There are a couple of tips that I find that have worked for me and for others. Not all the time. You can find that they will assist, but ultimately it comes down to you and how badly you want it.

If you want something badly enough, you achieve it. So there you go, a quick one. I could have made this hours and hours long. I just like to keep these short, simple, give you some usable information, do-able tips, processes that make sense. So go and use them. Have fun. Achieve what you want to achieve. Let me know how you go. I love getting feedback and keep up the good work.

Thank you for listening. We're getting more and more listeners, which is fantastic. Take care of yourselves. Enjoy your day. Remember, here's to a good life

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So, they need a sense of humour, do they?

Mon, 19 Jul 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track.

Welcome back to the latest episode. In this one, I want to talk about something that a lot of people talk about but don't thoroughly understand. When I was looking for my partner, I created a concept called a "Dating Template", which means I would go through and work out not only who I wanted as a partner, but who I needed as a partner.

So that person who could help me create an environment where I could become the best version of myself. One of the things you have to do is, you have to list the attributes, the beliefs, the attitudes, the behaviours, that you're potential partner has so that they could be someone with whom you enjoy spending a lot of time.

When I started doing this with people and taking them through the exercise, one of the things that they say they wanted is a partner is a sense of humour. Now the problem is, a lot of people say they want a partner with a sense of humour, but they don't define what a sense of humour is. Now, humour is a very peculiar thing because what one person finds funny, another one won't. There are many different types of humour. There's slapstick. There's black humour. There's wordplay. There's all sorts of different types of humour. So if you're going to have a partner who has a sense of humour. You need to define what type of humour that you're talking about, and also, why?

Why do you want them to have a sense of humour? Why does that have to be high on your list? I'll give you an example to explain this. So with myself, I like a particular sense of humour. I'm really into things like The Two Ronnie's, Monty Python, a lot of the older British style humour but also wordplay, I enjoy wordplay, also cultural references is something that I enjoy.

When I first met my wife, she mentioned that she wanted to go to a Fawlty Towers Interactive Dinner Theatre. Straight away I thought, if she's into Fawlty Towers, she's got my sense of humour. I took her out on a date and yes, sure enough, she had a very good sense of humour. Of course, the problem is she's got a very good sense of humour and very quick and enjoys teasing me. Never in a malicious way, which is a good thing. However, she is very good at taking the mickey out of me. That's okay. I'm okay with it. It's good fun. She enjoys that. Like I said, it's not malicious, which is the key.

The other thing as well, is the why. The reason I wanted her to have a sense of humour or my potential partner to have a sense of humour is, they have a propensity to not take life overly seriously. So there's aspects of life that, yes, are serious and have to think about and plan and work through. However, a good chunk of it is frivolous, fun, lighthearted.

They've got that ability to step back, and also they can take the mickey out of themselves. That is one of the things I look for because of those things. I defined what the sense of humour was, so she had to be similar to me. She doesn't do the cultural reference thing as much, however, we do still enjoy particular humour together, because of that similarity with Fawlty Towers and that sort of thing.

Being able to hone in on it and also define why, is absolutely critical. Because if you can do the definition of their type of humour and the justification for the why, then you can also ask yourself that about other things. Like you have people, they say, I want a partner I can trust. Okay, well, what part of trust? Because trust has many different aspects and why trust? Why respect? Why anything, If you can explain it, then it becomes easier to spot it in a person and also utilise it.

A lot of people they're very vague when it comes to listing what they wanted in a partner. Being able to hone in on it and to define why these are the things that are going to make a big difference when you're out there looking for your partner. If you can be absolutely crystal clear on what it is and why? Because if you can't explain why it should be on your list, then it just becomes a wish, it's a vague dream.

You need to be able to put it into concrete terms and how it will benefit you as an individual and the two of you as a couple. Because if you're aware of where the strength is because of that, then you can maximise it to make the relationship you've always wanted. So it's a nice quick one for today.

Hone in on what you want and have a reason why. All right, Have a good one. Look after yourselves. Thanks for listening. And remember, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Here is a life hack for you

Wed, 14 Jul 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

I'm not normally a fan of life hacks per se, however, for this episode, I want to talk to you about one that has helped me, and it's how it's not only impacted one particular area of my life, it's impacted numerous areas, and this hack is having a good vocabulary.

I've always had an interest in words. I've liked the way that they have power, that they have range. They managed to encapsulate so many different aspects of our life. And I've always had this fascination, especially when it came to a magazine that used to come out monthly when I was a young fella and it still comes out now. It's been going for decades now, and this one called Reader's Digest.

Reader's Digest is made up of various articles on a wide range of subjects. It's got a jokes page. It's got anecdotes from readers, humorous stories. The one part that always had me and it was the first thing I always did, was written by a chap by the name of Wilfred Funk, and it was "Improve your word power". What he would do is in this column. It was just two or three pages. He would have 20 words, and it would be obviously a word that's not in the common vernacular, it's not a common usage word, and he would give you four options as to what that word could mean.

Then at the end of it, you'd be given the answers, and he would give you a rating, so you could work out how you were doing in comparison to the average person. I really enjoyed those and spent many, many years doing these. The way this became a life hack is I have found over the years that having a broader vocabulary, a more powerful vocabulary enables you to be able to communicate with everyone, regardless of their status, where they sit in a company's hierarchy. So you could talk to everyone from the cleaner all the way up to the CEO. Because of that power of vocabulary, you just adjusted according to the person that you're talking with.

The other thing as well, is it tends to give you confidence because you know that you can communicate with them on their level. There are a number of different advantages as well to being able to communicate with various people. What I found is this, especially nowadays, as I've got my mindset sorted, is it gives me the opportunity that when I'm going through a particular challenge or I'm trying to make sense of my emotions, I'm able to hone in better using a wider range of words.

Instead of just being happy, I can be ecstatic. That carries a little more weight than just happy. Being able to hone in like this means I'm better able to identify my emotions, I'm better able to utilise them. Which also means I can then communicate to my partner more effectively what it is that I'm feeling, what I'm going through or what I'm trying to inform her about.

So, this particular life hack, I'm heartily encouraging you, there's numerous apps, I've got a few on my phone that do a word of the day. That means that every day you get a word to use. Here's a couple of stories regarding vocabulary. I worked with this chap years ago, and he had mentioned to me that he was writing a novel, and I asked him, "I love reading books. Do you mind if I have a read of it and say, you know how it stacks up?"

He brought in the book and I read it, and it was a pretty good book. He had a good premise to it, and he had a good flow to it. The problem was that there were places where he used words that just didn't have any oomph, any power. So I said to him, "You might want to expand your vocabulary". I bought two little note pads, you know, the ones that are about the size of your hand, and each day, I mean, each week, I wrote at the start of the week, he would come in and I would have written five words and their meaning on the page.

During the course of the day, he had to come to me four times and use that word of the day and put it in a sentence or context that made sense. So we do this for a number of months, and then I quit that job and I didn't see him for a number of years, and he didn't keep up that building of his vocabulary, which is a bit of a shame. However, he still remembered all the words that I taught him.

You could see when he was telling me this fact that he hadn't lost any of the recall of these words. That he was proud of himself for expanding his vocabulary and be able to have a more broad range of words to be able to use to fully describe exactly what it is he's trying to describe. That was a really cool one

Then my two boys, as they were growing up, I used to say to them regularly, make sure you've got a good vocabulary. My oldest boy would have been about the 15 year mark, and I said to him, well, it was to both of them. "The really good thing about having a broad vocabulary is a lot of the times you're using words that are either not in the common usage or they're archaic, they're words that people just don't use anymore. Listen, the good thing about knowing those words, especially if they were words that could be viewed as derogatory, is you can insult people, do it with a smile, and they feel like you've complimented them. But you've had some fun just stirring them."

My oldest basically went out that day and bought a book on all these archaic words. The book was probably about as thick as your thumb, and he learned them all. I saw him a little while later and he said to me "You know what? You're right. It's good fun. I was walking around the saying these things to all these people and they were all excited because they thought I was giving them a compliment, but I wasn't".

So instead, of ripping into people, he was able to express that frustration that he had with them or whatever it was, but in a way that wasn't actually damaging to them. So he felt he could get it out and it wasn't causing any harm. So again, that's another advantage. Having a good vocabulary.

Also, it's good fun because you can do crosswords and all of this sort of thing, and I know that I used to have a lot of people. For some reason, they would figure out that I had a good vocabulary and they'd be doing a crossword or a word puzzle of some sort. They would just say to me "Hey Wayne, what's this word? Blah, blah, blah?" Or "What's the word for, you know, whatever." And then I'd go "Oh, it's this" or "It's this" and what I used to be astounded by, was how often I actually knew the word, which was a sense of pride for me. Of being able to tell them what the proper word was and actually be correct.

So there's lots of different advantages to this, However, like I said, the big ones are being up to better communicate your thoughts, your ideas, your goals, your dreams and frustrations, your problems to your partner, or to your friends, to your family, to your children, so the better you can convey that meaning, the more accurately you can present yourself to those people, and you can also communicate with people regardless of their status in life so it's really important.

Also it does make it easier to understand a lot of legal jargon and things like that because you can tend to put things into context a lot easier. So anyway, that was my life hack. Nothing more complex than that. I do encourage you to get like a vocabulary building app. It's one that I enjoy. I still learn new words. I still get reminded of words that I might not have used for a lot of years, and so that's a little bit exciting.

I do encourage you to do that and practice. That's the key. Start up a game with someone with a friend or a family member or your partner. Have a word and see if you can just casually drop it in the conversations and make it fit and sound good. Now that doesn't mean you have to try and drop them into all conversations and trying impress people.

It just means you have them there if you need them for that particular situation. So anyway, that's my life hack. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope to put it into practise, so get out there, have fun with it and remember, here's to a good life

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Small mindset changes for your dating, for your life

Mon, 12 Jul 2021 01:00:00 GMT

This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

Okay, in this one, I want to tell you a bit of a story, and this originates from having now learnt a lot of things. When I look around, I see people creating obstacles and problems for themselves. And it saddens me because, sometimes these tiny little aspects of the way they look at life cause massive problems for themselves. They seem to struggle and think it's everyone else's problem, not realising that it's actually them.

What I want to talk to you about is, I have social groups that I also run, and I was at one of these social groups and we're having a discussion about challenges and obstacles that we have with dating. Well, I don't, but they do. The group was probably about 60% women and 40% men. So it's mostly women, probably a little more actually. One of the guys, he would have been in his late thirties, early forties said "The thing that annoys me is when I'll take a woman out for dinner and I've paid for the meal, and at the end of the night she won't...", and I put my hand up and said, "You might want to stop right there," because I knew exactly what he was going to say.

I said, "You might want to re-think what you're about to say, because if you say that, with all these women here, they're gonna tear you into pieces" and they had every right because that is a shitty attitude. Sadly, there are a lot of blokes that have this attitude and they'll try to defend it and all of this sort of thing and explain it. Regardless of how you try and explain it, it's a crap attitude.

If a guy buys a woman a meal, that doesn't mean she is obligated to do anything other than say, "Thank you for the meal. It was enjoyable". That's the only thing she's obligated to say. Is to be a little grateful, a little appreciative. If she doesn't want to do that, well, she's obviously someone you shouldn't date. But that attitude is not good, and sadly, I see a lot of people doing lots of these tiny little things that make a massive barrier for themselves, and they can't see it.

Now, the sad thing is, is that undercurrent that this young man had, I say young, because he's younger than me. This young man had is that, he won't value a woman. So even if he finds someone who's right for him and he's right for her, that relationship will struggle because he won't value her, the way he should value her. That's sad, because then they both get short changed and they miss out on so much.

These little attitudes, ones that we given by media, culture, other people. They're very subtle in the way that they shift our mindset and get us to think. That story I just told is just one example of the many things that people do. That's a really big one, because it's a very strong contrast as to how you should be thinking about people. Now, if he was coaching with me, the first thing, I would have said to him, "You don't take a woman out on a dinner date in the first few dates. It's just not a done thing, because if the date doesn't go well, you're suddenly stuck with someone, and it's very awkward to extricate yourself from that situation". It becomes very awkward.

Now, it's OK if you've got the skills to, but most people don't have the skills to or the courage probably far more courage than skills, to be able to be honest with someone, and say "Look, this isn't working. How about we just call it a night? I thank you for your time". Most people don't have that courage, they'll excuse themselves and go to the toilet and do a runner or they'll say "I had a lovely time" and sit through the whole night and then at the end, awkwardly text him and say, "I think it's gonna work out". However, if it starts off with the man thinking, "Here's this woman, she's good looking. I'll buy her a meal and at the end of the night, I'll get a bit of...", you know, whatever.

Starting off with that attitude is not healthy. It's not healthy for them. That's not healthy for the relationship. And the bad thing is, and this is one that I say to people when you're out walking up to people, if you have a crappy attitude and the next, there's someone who sees you have that crappy attitude talking to someone, and that's whether it's a man or a woman or man approaching, woman approaching or vice versa. If you have that crappy attitude, when you then walk up to them, they are going to go. "Not interested". The sad thing is, they could have been the right one for you. They could have been someone with whom you could have built a really good relationship.

That's sad, because that opportunity is now gone. So this young guy, he could be meeting lots of women who were right for him. With this attitude, though, he goes out on a meal. He has his crappy attitude that sabotages the situation, and he loses that opportunity with someone, with whom he could have had a fantastic relationship. So that one little attitude destroys all of these opportunities.

If you're dating and I don't know if you are, because obviously you can only hear me, I can't hear you. But if you're dating, I want you to really think about, are there little attitudes, little habits, behaviours that could be sabotaging your dating efforts?", and this also actually applies to relationships.

You know, there could be little things like, they've done studies about things that people do that contribute to a happy relationship. And it's amazing how simple these things could be but repeated regularly make a massive difference. And it's the same thing with dating or anything. Are there little habits and behaviours that are sabotaging your efforts, your results that you may not even be aware of. You know, feel free to ask friends, family, people that you know, who will give you honest feedback.

Ask them, "With my dating, is there anything that I do you think could be wrong?" You know, when you hear me talking about it, if you've watched me talk to people, is there anything that you think I might need help with? And if you've got people that really care, they'll give you the honest truth. Anyway, that was, a memory that popped up talking to this friend the other day, and it was interesting. It was interesting to revisit it, and my wife and I, when we're out, we do a date night every Friday, and when we're out I see people and I watch people, we both do.

We both, like to people-watch sometimes, and we guess, whether if that's a first date that they're on or whether that's a third date and it's good fun. We don't know what the actual correct answer is, but it's fun to look at them. I don't like seeing it, because I feel sad that these people could be missing out on something that's great for them. And I wouldn't like to think that you're missing out on great things for you.

There you go, a thought for the day. Look after yourselves. Keep up the good work. Thanks for listening. It's great having you as my audience grows and remember, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Teaching it all to boys and girls

Fri, 09 Jul 2021 01:00:00 GMT

This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track.

Welcome to the latest episode. I was talking with a friend the other day and we were discussing life skills and there was something that I suddenly realised. My two sons have grown up. They have been through the educational system, and they obviously, you know, learned how to count and add and all of those things that, you know, you learn at school.

But I realised that there was something that they weren't teaching anymore. And it's something I felt was extremely beneficial when I was at school and was also something that has served me exceptionally well. That is, that at school for one year, they swapped boys and girls over for the extra classes that they learned so, as boys we were learning traditional male skills, metal working, woodworking, car mechanics, this sort of thing, concreting and the girls were doing cooking, and sewing and all of this sort of things.

What they did is, they swapped us over. Now I know for myself, I learned how to sew. I learned how to make and did make, cushions these are just ones I can remember. I made a cushion. I made a dressing gown. I made a few other bits and pieces as well. The dressing gown was most complex. But the good thing is, I also learned to cook and do all of these other so called female jobs and what that meant, was, that I was one of these men who could actually do stuff.

One thing that I taught my boys from a very young age is you should learn how to do all of this stuff, and it doesn't mean you have to do it, but you should be capable, and it's the same with women. I know there's a lot of women who can't even change a light bulb, and that's appalling. It's disappointing that they've been let down that they had this huge mystery, that changing a light bulb is a complex thing and they have to call out an electrician and pay $40 to change a light bulb.

It's the same with cars, even with boys, nowadays, they don't tend to teach them basic mechanics, and I'm not mechanical by any stretch of the imagination. I can't service a car, but I understand how it works. I could do minor repairs. And, you know, I understand when the mechanic is talking about things. I know what he's referring to.

I remember years ago I had a female friend. She asked a male friend of hers to check all the fluids in her car, so he was going through. And he's checking. Oil's good. The water's is good. That's all looking good, and he gets to the brake fluid and he opens it up. The reservoir, the little container that holds the brake fluid is empty, like bone dry and, he says, to her. "When did you last check the brake fluid? And she's like, "What's brake fluid?"

She didn't understand that when you apply your brakes, there is, a hydraulic fluid, which is a specific type of like an oil based product, that gets pushed into your brake callipers and activates them. So, in other words, she had been driving around, basically without any brakes. These are the sorts of things that, you know that could have endangered her life. Just not knowing that one simple little thing. That's the sort of thing that people don't get taught nowadays. That's not just the kids that aren't getting taught it. There are lots of adults that don't know how to check tyre pressure and oil pressure, and they can't do basic repairs around the house.

Now I know there are people that are exceptionally good at these things, and I've met women that renovate houses, and that's fine, that's fantastic. That's what I'm talking about, is we should all get taught all of it, especially at school, because these translate to life skills. Also and this is what I have found. It gives you confidence to be able to give things a go. So the fact that I understood how to sew, my boys would, if they have a button come off, they came to see me.

They didn't go to see their mother because their mother can't sew. So it was a case of, go to the person that's most capable and because even if it was something I hadn't done, I would have gone and I still do, I go, I'll give it a go because I have this mentality of, "Well, I can do all these other things, and if I can do them, I must be able to do these things. So, therefore I'm going to give them a go". I find that has helped me a lot in my life, I've been willing to go and do jobs, that I have no qualifications for whatsoever. Because I've got that confidence in my abilities, I give it a go, and generally I do pretty good at it.

So look at what it is you don't know how to do. The good thing is, nowadays you can go watch YouTube videos and all sorts of things and learn how to do it. And that's good. As long as, you know, you get a good teacher, someone who's, you know, willing to talk and listen and talk to you and listen to what you've got. To ask questions you've got, and that's probably my best advice is go out, learn stuff and be capable.

For women, there's nothing they like more than a man who can cook and clean and do all of these things, because then they know they've got someone that can look after them. I've had women say to my wife "You've got him so well trained" and I'm like "That's bullshit. I've been well trained my whole life only because I was willing to learn". You know, I enjoy cooking. I enjoy catering for a party. I enjoy doing all of these things. Now, does that mean I have to do them? No, but it means I can, if I need to or if I want to. And there is a big difference between the two.

So go out. Learn some skills. If you've got kids, get them involved, get them helping you learn. Don't be afraid to say to your kids, "I've got no idea how to build a pergola, should we design a pergola and build it together?" There's heaps of books and online resources you can use to learn everything. So get out there, learn, explore and be able to stand back and go. I did that. I made that. I fixed that. I created that.

There is nothing better than being able to say that and be as proud as punch that you did it. That you contributed. That you did all of that. And those things translate into everything in life. You become more capable with dealing with your partner, with your children, with work colleagues with everything. Confidence in one area slowly spills over into other areas, especially if you concentrate on becoming capable and confident and capable of doing things.

All right, that's it for today. I hope you've enjoyed it. And I hope you take me up on my challenge of getting out there and learning things. You're awesome. I'd love to hear what you do. Like to see photos. It'll be fantastic. All right, look after yourselves. And remember, heres to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting

our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.
You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own

podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Looking at our masculine and feminine aspects

Wed, 07 Jul 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track.

Welcome to the latest episode. In this one, I want to talk to you about something I find is a challenge for a lot of people. I know for myself and my journey, this was something that I battled with early and occasionally pops up in my life still.

The good thing is, I'm now aware of it and that is the difference between masculine and feminine. Now, as a young boy growing up, I like a lot of men was taught, you don't show emotions, you suck it up, you're stoic, you get on with it, you build a bridge. We're also taught not to show any sort of softness. The problem is is that that cuts off a part of you.

I found that as I grew older, it was harder to empathise with people's situation. It was harder to sympathise, It was harder to understand, to see their point of view. The other thing that I realised and this is what started this particular part of my journey, was when a partner was going through a challenge of some sort, like a parent dying or particularly bad day at work, something where they were really emotionally raw. I felt disempowered. I didn't know what to do. I felt useless. I felt that I didn't have any ability that I could be for them, who they needed me to be at that time.

I realised that not only was I selling myself short, I was also selling them short because they weren't getting all of me. And that meant we both lost out. So for me, part of my journey of becoming whole and complete was not only exploring my emotions, but also looking at this masculinity / femininity thing. The challenge is that we often tie masculine and feminine into gender. So masculine is man and feminine is female.

This isn't true because masculine and feminine or masculinity and femininity are energies, they're attitudes, they're aspects. Now that I've become healthier in my completeness, if you want to use that as a phrase because I've done that, I find that if my wife is in a situation where she's struggling with something, it's a lot easier for me to step into my feminine energy and to be able to nurture her, and comfort her, and empathise, and to be able to listen and be there and be present.

I feel that gives her a better version of me and allows me to feel like I have some use in those situations. One of the big challenges I see today and it's been like this for decades, this isn't anything new. However, at least these days we're becoming a little more aware of it is this, you know, men are able to step into their feminine. Women are allowed to step into their masculine and that means that we become more whole, more complete, and we don't need to find someone who completes us or makes us whole because we're doing that for ourselves.

It's a healthier way to do it. So what I would encourage you to do, is a little exercise for you just made this up on the spot, is do a list of aspects of our humanity that you feel are masculine and that you feel are feminine and just write down these two lists.

So, like masculine could be things like confident, aggressive, strong, powerful, and feminine could be nurturing, soft, enveloping, so things like that. Then ask your self at the end, obviously, where do you spend most of your time? We usually go with our genders, we tend to sit men in the masculine and women in the feminine. That's okay.

The part where we do ourselves a dis-service, where we do our partners a dis-service. Our family a dis-service is when we're not capable of stepping into the other side of the list. So ask yourself, where are you letting yourself not be complete, not be whole, where you're not allowing yourself to sit?

We usually don't sit there because there's a fear involved. I don't know, for me it was a, you don't want to be seen as girly or weak or soft, but that was just my upbringing. That was my conditioning talking to me. So now I'm more comfortable letting people see me cry. I am more comfortable talking to people about my fears, my doubts, my concerns. I'm more comfortable being that soft shoulder for someone.

That allows me to feel more comfortable within myself, but I hadn't moved past that fear of judgment and I want to get you to look at yourself and when you look at the parts that you're fearing and staying away from, what is it that's causing that? What is it that's contributing to you, not allowing yourself to be whole?

So that's basically today's podcast. It was just a nice quick one. It was a, get you to look at something, so that you can become happier, more complete, more capable. That's what this is about. As you become more whole, more complete, you become more capable, you've got more things that you can bring to the table as a partner, as a human being, as a parent, as a friend, as a confidant, as so many different aspects that you can be more of just by allowing yourself to feel the other side of the list.

Anyway, you have a fantastic day. Look after yourselves, Thank you for listening, I'm slowly building up listeners around the world. I've got quite a number of countries now, which is fantastic. I like to think that there's people out there listening to me each day and learning something about life so that they can be happier. So I end with this as I often do, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ask Wayne - "If my partner is obviously upset, why does she say she is fine?"

Mon, 05 Jul 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Alright, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome back to this episode.

In this one, I've got a question sent in and this one was sent in from Richard in Texas, and it's a situation that seems to strike generally the guys and Richard is asking a question about his partner and this is one that resonates very personally with me.

Richard has asked, when his partner is obviously upset, he will ask her the question that a lot of blokes use "What's wrong?" and her response is, "Nothing!". In other words, she didn't say 'nothing'. She says the word 'nothing'. Now, Richard's confused and perplexed as to why this is the case. Why women say this, when you know that they're upset, when you know that there's something bothering them, when they know that, you know, because you've obviously asked.

So he's baffled as to why and he's also baffled as to what to do. I'm going to keep this is as short and concise as possible so that you can understand what the situation is and how to remedy it. If you want to go into greater depth, I do have a premium podcast that you can look up and subscribe to and I'll go into a lot more depth. However, I want to make sure there's enough information here that you can understand and make progress.

The main source of this situation is that there are people who, they are uncomfortable expressing their anger and they use a tool that I've mentioned before, which is called passive aggression. This is basically a way where if you've ever seen a pressure cooker it's got it's a metal receptacle, like a big saucepan with a lid that seals and inside the pressure builds up.

Now, obviously if the pressure just built up and built up it would eventually blow up. So the design has a little weight on the top. As the steam builds, it lets out a little bit so it can keep it at a maximum pressure. Therefore it doesn't blow. Someone who is using passive aggression is doing the same thing. They have anger, frustration, disappointment, all the other aspects of anger on the spectrum, they have inside them and they don't feel comfortable enough in expressing it, they don't feel safe enough in expressing it. They may not be able to get a grasp on what it is that's really bothering them.

The simplest way for them is to let out a little bit of anger, like the pressure cooker and what they're doing is they're letting it out in the form of if you were to summarise all the ways that they do this, it's a way of going "f@$# you", in other words. In Richard's case with his partner, she is saying, "You know, I'm upset and because I'm so upset, you're going to have to figure it out". In other words, f@$# you, all right?

So I'm frustrated. I'm angry. I'm gonna make you frustrated as well. So, it's a way of expressing it, but not expressing it. Sadly though it's a very common form, even more so than aggressive anger. Unfortunately, though it's also more damaging because it cuts in, subtly, on so many different levels that can really undermine a lot of things. So the first thing you have to do when you have someone like this is obviously state the obvious.

Say "I can see you're upset. I'd like to know what it is, that's upsetting you. So I'm willing to listen when you're ready to talk. I had this situation with my wife when I first met her, she did exactly the same thing to me as Richards partner did to him. The first thing I did was say that "So I can see you're upset. You're free to talk and tell me what it is that has upset you". So what I had to do over the next few months was create an environment where she felt safe.

She started testing and she would just tell me a little bit and then she'd pull back and wait and then she'd see that that was received, and then she'd say a little more and wait and then she'd say a little more and wait and over a period of time she got more comfortable. And now obviously she's at the point where when she's upset she'll just say it because she knows I'll listen. I won't retaliate. I won't negate her, I won't minimise her. I won't argue the point.

Therefore she can be heard. She can be valued. And that's really important for people who are using passive aggression. They need to know that they are able to voice it, as long as they're voicing it in a healthy way. Okay. So it's a "I'm upset because ..." and then once they say that you then echo it back. You say "It sounds like you're upset by ... because, whatever it is" and then they go "Yes that's what it is".

Then, if you want you can negotiate and find a solution. That is a very short, concise version of the journey. It takes a little more effort than that. However that will give you an understanding Richard, so that you can go and get a result with your partner and start to make headway.

But that is the really important part, is to let her know that she is safe, in voicing what her problem is, what it is that's upsetting her. You have to allow her, as people have to allow people, to explore it externally. They might be really mixed up inside and unsure of how to word it. So when they voice it and it may not come out accurately at first and they may need to bounce it around outside themselves so you have to be patient, you have to listen okay, because the first thing that comes out of their mouth may not be exactly what they want to say or need to say.

You need to be a little bit patient while they explore it. They'll get better with it and then eventually you'll get to a point where they'll get upset, they'll voice it straight away and then you can deal with it. Okay? So that's it. Richard, go and practice. It'll be, probably a little uncomfortable at first, as it often is when you're trying new skills. It will get better and easier as you go along and good luck with it. Let me know how you go.

All right. I hope you enjoyed the podcast. I hope you're going to go and use that information so you can get a better result with someone who may be using passive aggression with yourself. All right, Look after yourselves, have a great one, and remember, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

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My big lesson from my father that changed my parenting and life

Fri, 02 Jul 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track.

Welcome to the latest episode. In this one. I want to talk about an incident that happened in my life that sparked quite a number of journeys and it came from the most unlikely of sources. You see, my father who was the instigator of these journeys was and still is someone who tends to keep his opinion to himself in regards to your life. He's not always forthcoming with advice or anything like that.

Many years ago when my first wife left, I was visiting my father and this was only probably about five or six months after the separation. So everything was still very raw. I was still processing a lot of things, and as we're visiting my father, we were out in the backyard and my sons were playing, my father and I were talking and as we were playing, my youngest son did something that displeased me. I suppose it was probably an impulse rather than a thought out action. I smacked his bum and my father who bless him, is like I said, not someone who normally puts forward an opinion or a statement in that sort of context, but he looked at me and he said, "Why are you taking it out on him?

Now, at the time, it didn't really hit me with any massive magnitude and it was only later once I had gone home and I put my sons to bed, that the house was quiet and I had that bit of time to myself that the impact of that statement hit me, and the reason it hit me so hard is because there was a number of levels to it which at first I hadn't contemplated or been aware of until I had that chance to sit and think about it.

The crazy thing is that sometimes the best lessons can come from the most unlikely places at the most unlikely times and in the most unlikely method. So this was very unexpected. So I sat there thinking about the different levels of this statement that my father had made, and on the surface it would look relatively simple. The more I thought about it, is it made me look at my parenting and the safe space that I was creating for my sons so that they could also come to grips with their parents splitting up because that situation wasn't just about me, it wasn't just about their mother, it was about them as well.

It got me thinking about that and it also got me thinking about the way I processed anger, the way that I expressed my anger, and also what it meant to me. It also got me thinking about where I was myself in regards to processing that relationship and being able to move forward after learning what I needed from it.

So, that statement from my father, at first didn't seem like that big a deal. However, the more I thought about it and there was more than those three layers, but they were the three major ones that hit me and it got me thinking about those. It really got me thinking about my role as a parent, my role as a father, my role of creating a safe space for my sons.

So that when they came over they were comfortable with me and all of these other aspects of my life. It really got me thinking about it and it's funny for many years, I never even mentioned this to my father and a number of years ago we went away, we did a golfing holiday and while we were driving I thought this is a perfect opportunity, he's in the car. He can't go anywhere.

So, I may as well talk to him about it. So I thanked him for that and let him know the impact that one simple line had on me and how much of a profound effect it had, and also letting him know that he may not have meant a massive amount by it. It did, however, make a massive difference to my life, the way I processed my anger and looked at my anger, and expressed my anger also. That looking at my anger and stuff also impacted my relationships, my friendships, all these different aspects.

It just had a domino effect on many different areas of my life. So the reason I wanted to tell you this story is I wanted to make you aware that sometimes the thing that will flip your life around can be right in front of you. It can be a song, that could be a lyric, it could be a book that you read, it could be an off-hand comment like my father's where something can open you up to a new you, a new version of you, an aspect of you you hadn't contemplated before.

So this episode was more about getting you to think about where your lessons are coming from, because sometimes our best teacher can be right in front of us and we don't even realise it. A teacher that I love to use, is children. They remind me to chill out a bit, relax, be in the moment and enjoy life and use my creativity and having those sorts of people in my life makes a big difference. So look for your teacher. You can be the student and also be aware that sometimes you're the teacher for someone else who's a student.

So that's it. Nice, deep philosophical pondering for this episode. Go out. Look for your lessons, become that best version of you, so that the people you love and care about can get the best version of you. All right, That's it. If you've got any questions, fire them through. Otherwise, we'll catch you on the next podcast.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting

our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.
You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own

podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

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Ask Wayne - What is it with kids these days?

Wed, 30 Jun 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

Again, we've been sent in a question by someone. So this is Eddie from Newcastle-Upon-Tyne in the UK. Now Eddie has sent in a very simple question and it's one that tickled me because the origins of this question go back a long time.

So what Eddie wants to know is, what is it with kids today, Why are they lazy? Why do they feel entitled? And he sort of had a lovely little diatribe about the state of the youth. Now, this was something that tickled me because this is a statement that has been issued by generations before us. In fact, the first time I heard mention of this, it was many years ago, and I was a scout leader and I was doing some research on our local area, the history of the buildings and that sort of thing. I was reading the older newspapers that were decades old from my area where I was at the time.

This particular newspaper was dated in the early 1900s. So you're talking around 100 years prior, 90 years prior to what I was reading? The letters in there were, "There's all these young people loitering around at this time of night, up to no good" and all this sort of thing, and they had all these judgments. Then I came across a statement a while later that the ancient Greeks had this same statement they issued, "What is it with kids today?" "You know, "They don't want to learn" and that all of these things.

So this is a common, I won't say a problem, but a common challenge that our older generation like myself, we have as we got older. Now, the main contributors to this statement is we tend to forget because time softens. We tend to forget a lot of the silly things we did as youths, or if we do remember, we don't want our youngsters to know, because then that gives them permission to go and do certain things. It gives them am ammunition to throw back at us as to why they're not listening. So this is a common problem Eddie.

Most kids in any generation. So, I mean, the generation that are around us at the moment that were around when I was young and so on back and further and further is most kids are good as humans. We tend to focus on negatives. It's a very easy thing for us to do to focus on negatives. So what we tend to do is we tend to only notice the unruly ones. It's like when you're at school, it's the naughty kid that gets all the attention because the teacher is trying to get them to behave so that they can teach the rest of the kids. So there's one kid that gets all the attention because they get all the attention all the other children get not ignored but they their presence seems to diminish. So because of these few people that misbehave, they tend to become representative of the whole generation and that's not accurate.

Most kids are respectful, well mannered, they do the right thing. So what you need to do, Eddie is actually... I've just had a story pop into my head perfectly illustrates this. Many years ago, I was working with this man. It was just coming up to ANZAC Day which I know the rest of the world won't understand ANZAC Day, but ANZAC is the Australian and New Zealand Army Corps. So it's our chaps that went from Australia and New Zealand to war and we call them ANZAC's. So every year we have a day where we commemorate them now. We have the people that served and continue to serve now.

So not necessarily served then, but also current service men and women. They march and they have various parades and dedications for the fallen comrades plus the people that are serving now. And this chap I was working with, he said "Our young kids today, they think ANZAC Day is just a game". "They think it's just something fun to do" and I had to grab him and correct him. I said you might want to pull your head in and do your research on this. I said I am a scout leader and I have my scouts stand all night doing vigil at what was one of the training grounds of the ANZAC soldiers who came from Western Australia.

They stand there all night watching a flame doing nothing but thinking about those people that served. Okay, so these kids, they have an understanding and a lot of kids do have that understanding. There's only a few that are disrespectful towards it. And it's the same with everything with kids, the majority of them, the vast majority do the right thing. It's just a small number that get our attention because the rest of them are just busy doing what they're doing. They get the attention, they get the focus and they tend to sadly represent that generation.

So what you will find it is if you went and did volunteer work and helped kids, you'd find that most of them are really good kids. So what I would recommend is get involved with kids, learn about kids. I don't know if you've got children of your own or not. You didn't state that in your question, but if you get involved with kids, you'll see that they're really good for the vast majority of them. They're great kids. Now I know this isn't answering a question per se. I'm just getting you to see a bigger picture so you can understand a little better.

So I hope that that's giving you some clarity, some understanding. Maybe a little bit of empathy. Remember some of the things you did as a kid. I certainly remember some of the silly things I did and I'm happy to tell my boys because I don't have shame in it. Also want them to know they don't need to do silly stuff. So that's something I've educated them on.

However, for you, Eddie, I would say get out, get involved with the kids and spend time with them. Kids are actually pretty cool. Anyway, that's it for this episode. We'll catch you on the next one, Look after yourselves and remember, here's to a good life

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

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Ask Wayne - My partner won't stop arguing. Why?

Mon, 28 Jun 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

In this one, I've been sent a question by someone and this has been sent in by Thierry. I hope I pronounced that right, of Germany. Hess, in Germany actually. And Thierry is in a similar situation that I was in years ago with my second wife and what he has asked is why does my partner keep arguing?

There's a number of different things that this could be attributed to. There are various drivers behind us when we want to keep arguing. The main one though is we just want to be heard. Now, the problem is a lot of us are not taught how to do conflict properly. What normally happens is the person who is upset, or has been triggered, instead of exploring where that came from, where they trigger originated from and how to deal with it. They launch into an attack at the person that apparently caused them to feel this way, not realising that it's actually a trigger.

Now the person who is the recipient of this attack usually goes on the defence, which means you then try and justify. You try and explain, to try and calm the person down, or you go on a counter attack. Now this is normally how we do conflict and then it goes backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards, yelling and screaming and generally nothing's resolved. At the end of the day, the problem still exists.

Some of the drivers to this situation, where the person gets triggered and I won't go into great depth into that, what I will mention though, is usually we want to be heard. We don't feel that our opinion is heard. We don't feel that our feelings are heard. We don't feel like we are being heard. So usually we go for volume, we go for attack, to try and drive home our point.

The other thing is we may not feel valued. Because we don't feel valued, we are trying to make that value heard, validated, received, and for our partner to to put effort into allowing us to feel more valued. Now those sorts of drivers are all valid drivers. We all want to be heard. We all want to be valued. We all want to be, "I feel like we're part of something that's worth being in."

The trouble is we usually don't have the right skills to communicate that. So I would say Thierry, the reason why your partner is continuing to argue is they don't feel heard. They don't feel valued. They don't feel some particular aspect of the relationship is as it should be. Now a simple one that you can do is you can allow them to be heard.

All right, so a quick two little steps you can do. This isn't a very in depth process, but it can get something started so you can start to get a result. So the first thing you do is you acknowledge that they have spoken to you, alright, and you acknowledge how you believe they feel, how it looks like they feel. So you would validate that by saying "It looks like you're really upset about something. I'd really like to get to the bottom of this, and in order to do this though, we need to have a calm discussion. So if you're willing to do a calm discussion, I'm willing to hear exactly what you've got to say."

So if you say something like that, even hopefully get them to just bring the energy down a little bit. You don't want them to calm down. Do not use the words "calm down". No-one in the history of the world has ever calmed down when people say "calm down". The reason it doesn't work is we don't want to calm down because we want to be heard, we were calm before, we're not being heard, so therefore we're going to go for volume.

So saying calm down, not a good thing, acknowledge how they feel, have a guess at how they feel, it's okay if you get it wrong. The main thing you want to communicate though is that you want to help them solve that situation. So once you've got them to acknowledge that and hear that and agree to some sort of process, you can use what we call the W.I.F.L.E. stick. Now the W.I.F.L.E. stick can be literally anything, You can have a proper stick, you can use a wooden spoon, you can do literally anything, but it has to be something you can hold in your hands.

What happens is, you give this to them. They then have the ability to unload everything that they feel. That doesn't mean they unload to you in an aggressive way, or a damaging way. This is then being able to calmly explain what it is that bothering them. You're not allowed into interrupt, you just have to listen, so you allow them to say everything they need to say. Hopefully they're not doing it in an attacking way. Hopefully they're using 'I' statements, "I don't feel like I'm I'm valued here", "I don't feel that I'm supported", "I don't feel...", so hopefully they use lots of I statements, and then once they're finished, once they've got everything out, they purged themselves, they then say, "...and that's what I feel like expressing". That's what the W.I.F.L.E. stands for, "What I Feel Like Expressing".

Once they have done that, they then put down the W.I.F.L.E. stick, whatever that is, whatever item you decided to use for the W.I.F.L.E. stick, they put that down and then they're done. Now, you acknowledge what they said, you say, "okay, so it sounds like this blah blah blah is how you feel. I'd like to help you get to the bottom of that, give me time to think about what you've said, to process it and I'll get back to you".

Now, if you do something like that, that should make a big difference. Now, I've got other processes and tools to use to be able to control that a lot better. That two little steps should get you a long way towards getting a resolution and for them to feel heard and therefore to stop being so angry. Because, next time hopefully they'll realise that all have to pick up the W.I.F.L.E. stick, you see them holding it, that means all you gotta do is listen. Then they can say "I'm ...", whatever, and then they say, "...and that's what I feel like expressing", and again you acknowledge it, you say "I'm gonna go away and think about it, then I'll come back and we can resolve it" and that's it.

And you just keep doing that backwards and forwards until you find some sort of happy ground where they feel heard, valued, whatever it is they need, and you feel like you've actually met them and help them and supported them and whatever they needed.

All right, so I hope you've enjoyed that one. I hope that gave you some good insight there Thierry, so that you can go and use that. Feel free to let me know how you go. Because I'd love to hear. If you want this information to go deeper, if you subscribe to my premium podcast I'll go into this in a lot more depth. So you can click the link in the notes and then that will take you to a page and you can subscribe to the premium podcast and you can get that deeper information.

All right. Hope you've enjoyed it. If you've got any other questions anyone, send them in. That would be brilliant and I'll answer them and I'll let you know when I've answered it. All right, look after yourself, take care and remember here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This was one of my big turning points

Fri, 25 Jun 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

In our lives, we tend to have moments, moments where we hit a crossroads, where there's a big decision to be made and either of the the decisions can take us in very different directions. We generally don't have a lot of these. That's why they call them a crossroads and that's why they call them a big moment.

For me, one of my big moments was thanks to one of the people that probably caused me the most pain and struggle and that was my second wife. Now everyone's moments are different and I've had others. I've probably had about five, maybe six in my life, where I had these big moments where I realised something or I had a decision to make that dramatically altered the path of my life and you will get them as well.

When you can recognise these, it's a really cool thing. Sometimes you don't see them in the moment. Sometimes you realise it's a big moment, it's a big decision. So, I want to talk about this woman that I was married to that created potentially so much pain. But ultimately down the track became one of my greatest gifts. This woman when we were together, and you've heard me probably on other episodes talk about her.

At the time she was, to use labels, I'll describe her using labels because that's what we do with people. For me at that time, she was seen by me as very jealous, very insecure, very angry, very manipulative, very controlling, very aggressive, very determined to keep an argument going. She was very good at that one. So all of these labels that I had attached to her which were negative.

Now, the challenge when we have any relationship, is when we have a partner who we attribute a lot of these negative labels to. It's when we start to use that as a generalisation and you hear about people that do this, they have a belief that all men are a particular way or all women are a particular type of way. The problem is when we do that, I know it's an unconscious mode of coping with the world, to protect us from being hurt again. If we have this belief that they're all like that, then we can't get into a relationship and therefore get hurt again.

It's not just relationships. We do it with all aspects of our lives and where a lot of our challenges and obstacles come from. In that instance, though with myself, I could have very easily fallen into that. I could have chosen that path. This is where one of my big moments came from is, I had this opportunity to either say, okay, here's a woman who's presenting all of these particular behaviours, and attributes, and attitudes, and things that are causing me, or creating a situation where it's painful for myself. It's not causing me pain or choosing to react to it in that way. However, that's the situation I was in.

So I could have generalised and decided that all women were like that, and therefore I could have shut myself off and become a very miserable angry person. What I did, though thankfully, towards the end of my relationship with her is, I was starting to work on me more. I had come across men's groups, men's workshops, men's retreats, where you go away and you look at masculinity and how you fit in. So, I was discovering my own masculinity and where I sat with that and how engaged I was with my masculinity and bringing balance back to myself.

Because I was dealing with that at the time, I had an opportunity to look at these labels that I had put on this woman. And when I ultimately realised that I had attracted this woman into my life, because we do attract the people that we need, I realised that I needed someone who was determined to give me the lesson and the opportunity to grow, which was what she was doing.

When I had that opportunity to do that work, I was looking at that whole situation, that eleven years of relationship, of toxicity, and aggression, and arguing, and tension, and stress, and all of these negatives, and an opportunity to look all of those compressed down to one particular situation, one moment, one interaction. In that moment, I realised that this woman had been bringing me this gift, but because I was unaware of the situation and what that is, I couldn't accept that gift, I wasn't accepting it.

Therefore, I wasn't taking that opportunity to be more of myself. So when I realised that, and I accepted that lesson and explored it in that moment in my men's group, I realised that this woman was brilliant and she was actually the catalyst for the change in my life. That's where I really started to step into my own and become more congruent with who I really am, more authentic.

In that congruence and that authenticity I found my strength. I found my groundedness, my solidness and I became more of me. So, this woman who for those all those years, I put all of these negative labels on, suddenly they just fell away like leaves off an autumn tree and she became fantastic and I didn't really interact with her after that moment because I moved out, and I ended the relationship, and I never actually got to thank her. I wish I had because it would have probably freaked her out a little bit because I would have been really pleased to see her and been very grateful and she would have wondered what was going on because of all of those years of stress, and tension and that's what we did. And yes, ultimately this woman became one of my major turning points in my life.

So it might be worth for yourself, looking at your own life, that some of these people who we put supposedly, we're putting these negative labels on, that are actually bringing us our greatest gifts, our greatest opportunities and we're just not seeing them. So be aware that sometimes the shittiest moments in your life can also be some of the most profound, some of the most moving, some of the most important moments because they present this crossroads where we can continue down this path of negativity, and pain, and struggle, or we can go to this path of lightness, and growth, and opportunity.

So yes, that was my big message. I wanted to bring you as we have these opportunities to be more. Don't miss them. Be aware of them, grasp them, run with them and become all that you can do because we're all awesome given the right opportunity to grow and become that.

So I hope you've enjoyed my little story. I hope you start to recognise some of your own crossroads and your opportunities to be more so until the next episode, look after yourself, be awesome and remember here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ask Wayne - What is the deal with chores for your kids?

Wed, 23 Jun 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

Now, I have been sent a question, but before I answer that, I was actually sent another question. This one obviously won't take long to answer. But they asked me do you do all of that fancy editing when you do your recordings? Do you do multiple takes? Do you pick the best one? Do you edit it together? The answer is no, I don't do any of that. The reason being is, I want these episodes that I record to be like a snapshot, so I record them in one take. If I make mistakes, if I make goofs, it doesn't matter because life isn't perfect. Life is made up of little glitches, little problems, little challenges and that's okay. So, I believe if I leave it in the episode and you hear it, you hear it being real, then you hopefully will learn to be a little easier on yourself if you make a mistake because you hear me making mistakes and realising that it's okay, it's not the end of the world. So hopefully through my simple recording of these, where I just do a snapshot with how I am in the moment, what I'm thinking about what's forefront in my thoughts, hopefully that'll get you living a little more in the moment, and being more gentle with yourself when and if you make a mistake.

So this next question was sent in by Rachel from Essex in the UK and she's asking about children doing chores. Now if you're a parent and you're wondering about this, especially if you've got little kids, absolutely, they should be doing chores. Because the whole premise of chores is that your children learn how to contribute and be a part of being in that household, being in part of that family that they are in. The other thing as well, if you've listened to one of my earlier podcast where I talk about one of the major goals of parenting, which is to raise children that are capable, confident, independent chores contributes to that. So, it gives them capabilities. So, from a very young age, from the age of two, a child can learn to put their dirty clothes in the dirty clothes basket, they can learn very simple tasks that are age appropriate at a very young age and progress up as they get older, to more involved ones to take more time, more effort, more skill, so that by the time they move into adulthood they should basically be able to run a household on their own.

They should be able to cook, and clean, and do all of this stuff and fix stuff. So the other thing that Rachel wanted to know, sorry, forgot her name for a second. The the other thing that Rachel wanted to know was what's the deal with pocket money and how do you pick who does what chores and all of this sort of thing. So it depends of course, on how many children you have and what their age are, so Chores always have to be age appropriate.

When they're young, they start off learning how to do things that don't create jobs for other people. In other words, if your child's two and three, like I said, they can put their dirty clothes in the dirty clothes basket, that's a very simple one, I get undressed to have my bath or my shower, I put the clothes in the basket, it's something that's very quick, it's easy, they learn to do that, it's automatic. Now if you don't start teaching that and they move up through their childhood and you're always running after them putting their clothes in their dirty clothes basket, they become an adult, they can't do that simple task of putting their dirty clothes in the dirty clothes basket.

If they can't do something that simple, anyone who's looking at them as a partner will go "Well. If they can't even do something that simple, they're certainly not going to be able to do a more complex task". So you're giving them chores that are age appropriate, not only gives them a skill set, it increases their value as a future parent, as a potential partner and as a human being, because skills you learn at home translate out into the real world. They translate to what you do as a job. So if you're doing a job and you learn that certain things are, they just have to be done, you don't think about it.

One of the big challenges I used to have was if I was in a workshop and you'll get people that can't put the milk in the fridge, it's like, how can that be difficult? You use it, you put it back in the fridge. I was used to be baffled by that one. So learning those skills starts at a very young age. As they get older, they get a little more complex, they get more time consuming, they're things that take a little longer, like hanging the clothes out on the clothes line, takes a little more effort, takes a little more attention.

Therefore it's something you don't give to a two year old, you give it to a child that's obviously considerably older. Make sure it's age appropriate. In regards to pocket money, now, this is a tricky one that some people struggle with. Some people don't do pocket money at all. That's fine. That's your choice. For me, there's certain chores that are mandatory, you have to do them. You don't get a say in it. It contributes to the running of the household. It includes you as being part of that family.

So what you're doing there is you're letting them see that they are a contributing member to the family, they have worth within the family. Things like setting the table for dinner, helping cook, clean up, put your dirty clothes into dirty clothes basket, that sort of thing are contributing to the running of the household, therefore not negotiable. Okay, you just do them because you do them.

Other chores, like if your Children decide to wash your car, for example, that's not something that contributes to the running of the household per se. Therefore you can give pocket money for that. So you say to them, you wash my car and, of course, you make the money age appropriate. You don't give $50 to an eight year old for washing your car. But if your teenager washes the car, you can give them $10 or $15, you just make sure it's age appropriate money. Also, that's where you start teaching them about putting some of their pocket money aside, about investing it, about saving up for things.

The difference between discretionary spending and mandatory spending, all of this sort of thing. Chores are a massive part of a child's self esteem and self worth. So, as they are contributing to the family, they're developing a skill set, they are developing capability, the more they do, they develop confidence and the more they develop confidence and capability, the more they develop independence, and you've rocked it as a parent.

There you go, dead simple. I hope that answers your question, Rachel? Yes, they should do chores, work out what's mandatory, work out what's additional, where they can earn pocket money, and make sure it's age appropriate. The big thing is, make sure they do it. Don't give them a choice in the mandatory, it's you either do them or you do them. That's your only two choices. I remember years ago, my stepson, he argued about some of his chores and I said, that's fine. I'll do your chores, you can do mine, and I started listing off all of the things that I do in the running of the household, and he was like, "No, it's all right. I'll do my chores".

So, letting them know that they don't have a massive amount, but it's necessary and it contributes, and it also shows them, in the real world, everyone contributes. So, regardless of your status, where you sit in the hierarchy in a workplace, everyone contributes to the running of the company. No-one is more or less important than anyone else and everyone has responsibilities.

Having chores as a child, is absolutely important. Really important. Don't become one of these parents that does everything for the kids because you will hamstring them and they will not be better off in the real world. So make sure your kids have got chores, make sure you enforce that, so they become a better person, a better value person, when they transition into adulthood.

Here we go. I hope you've enjoyed it. You've got something out of it. If you've got any other questions you want me to answer, feel free to send them through and I'll keep answering them as best I can I can until the next episode, have a great time, look after yourself and remember, here's to a good life

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The challenges of being a part-time dad

Mon, 21 Jun 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, this is Wayne Brown, welcome to the latest episode of Life Back On Track.

Today, I want to talk to you about something that's pretty close to my heart. It's about something that was some of the best times of my life and most challenging times of my life also. Its one that I see, that creates a lot of challenge for a lot of people when it doesn't need to.

Now what I'm talking about is parenting and when it transitions into other areas. So you may be aware or you would have heard me talk about when the mother of my two sons left. Before she left, I was very much a hands on father. I was someone who would come home from work. I would play with my sons. I would bathe my sons. I would feed my sons, I would get them ready for bed. I would read them the bedtime story, I put them to bed. And also because I was the lightest sleeper. I got up to them every night as well. So for me I was very much involved.

So when their mother left, when they were little, even though it was challenging, even though that was the start of a dark period of my life. The thing that challenged me the most and caused me the most emotional pain was transitioning from being an involved father to a part time father, which means seeing my son's every second weekend. That was really hard.

The seeing them was a joyous moment. I would drive into the driveway, knock on the door, and they would come running out. It was a wonderful, wonderful moment. The bit that really tore my heart out every time, was saying goodbye to them every second weekend when I took them back. Now, it's been obviously some time since I've had to do that, because my boys are now in their mid twenties and older.

Having now the opportunity to look back on the journey and what worked and what didn't, what created challenges for myself and what created challenges for their mother and also for our two sons, and also looking at the journey of other people. That's what I want to talk about today is my observations. Looking back now, knowing what I know now.

I don't know you, I don't know if you've got children. I don't know if you're planning on having children. I don't know if you're together as a couple. I don't know if you're separated and you're a single parent or you're someone like me that had access every second weekend. I know nothing about that. I know though how it feels and looking back, seeing what the challenges are. I now know what that is and I want to talk to you about that, so hopefully you can have some things that will help you get through it

When people have children, I don't think any of us fully comprehend how much work is involved in raising children and what a massive impact that has on our lives nowadays. More and more people are thinking seriously about having children before they actually have the children. So, they're stepping back and actually saying, is this something I really want? Or is there an external pressure on me to have children, so from family or whatever?

So that's a good thing. Some couples obviously stay together for their lifetime and live happily ever after and raise kids and do it all wonderfully. However, that's sadly not the majority, the majority of single parents. So I don't know if you're a father, I don't know if you're a mother listening to this. Either way, the information is going to be pretty much the same. Every parent is important to a child. There is only one person who should determine whether or not that parent has access to those children and that's the children themselves.

As parents or as a couple when we separate, sometimes it's tempting to try and cause pain to the other partner, or the ex-partner. It's tempting. I ask that you don't. Whether you're the person that's the primary carer to the children or whether you're the person who like me that had them every second weekend. Make sure to separate how you feel about your ex from parenting of that child. That child should have access to both parents unless one of those parents is a danger to the kids, and that danger could be the primary carer. It could be the other person, it doesn't matter which one it is, as long as those kids are safe, they're loved and all of that and they're being raised, okay.

It doesn't matter about the adults, the adults are secondary, raising the children is the primary. Because I look back on my situation and a lot of the times my ex-wife would wait until the situation became so intense, so difficult to deal with that, she would then throw up her hands and say, "Wayne, you sort it out". Then suddenly, I've got this maelstrom of a mess that I have to sort out, which isn't difficult, but it used to frustrate me because it was a case of why didn't you just involve me from the start and you could have avoided that stress for yourself, that struggle for yourself. And it would have involved me. My boys would have had both of us involved and operating as a team, even though we're not a couple operating as a team raising our sons and it could have been easier on all four of us.

Sadly she is typical of the primary carer now, Sometimes, most times it's the woman, sometimes it's the father. Either way, it's one of those things where it makes life more challenging, more difficult than it needs to be. So if you're the primary care of Children, if you aren't already involving the other person, I ask you on behalf of your children, please separate your feelings, your memories and your goals for the relationship with your ex partner, separate that from the well being of the children.

Because they deserve to have both parents. Now, regardless of whether you're ex hates you or loves you or whatever, if they're a decent parent, they're going to want to help raise their children. So one of the best things I ever saw was a chap that was sharing my house in the early days. He was still going around once a week to his ex's house and they had dinner as a family. So even though they weren't a couple, they both said to each other we still need to raise these boys, and they had two sons like I did. So he would go around once a week to the ex's house, the ex-family house, have dinner with her and his sons and they would be involved. If she went away on holiday, she would phone him up and say "hey come and look after the boys" because obviously he jumped at the chance, so he would do that. He would go and raise the kids or look after the kids while she was on holiday so she could go and relax, knowing that someone who really cared for her sons was raising them, looking after them, making sure they're okay.

That's the way parenting should be. Parenting is challenging, we don't need to make it harder. It was harder for me because I had to not only enjoy my sons when I had them, which is part of the fun of parenting is enjoying children, because it gives you an opportunity to reconnect to your own inner child. Not only was I enjoying that, I also had to double down with my parenting, because I only saw them 18% of their time, I had to really double down my fathering skills to ensure that they got what they needed from a father figure.

So it could have been a lot less challenging for me and it could have been easier for her if she'd asked for help. So being a part time dad isn't a bad thing. That's not the big challenge. And I know, I have talked to a lot of fathers about this and occasionally mothers, but mostly it's a father, where they feel kept out of their child's life. So they've got these little human beings that they love, they want to do everything for and they're kept out of it. It's a shame because the mothers and obviously sometimes the fathers would benefit.

So try to involve your ex, get professional help if you need to, just whatever is needed so that your children can have what they need to grow up with two humans, two adults that really, really care about them and put their needs above any petty squabbling. So for me, looking back, that's what I wish someone had said to myself and my ex wife because it would have made it easier for everyone. My sons would have had an easier journey growing up as well. They would have had less challenges and I'd like to see other people have less challenges.

For me I loved being a father, like I said, and I still love it. If I catch up with friends with children straight away I drop into child mode, I'm the bigger kid of any group of kids in front of me. It's the one, it's the one thing I wish I could wave a wand for, for part time dads, part time mums, anyone that's struggling with that part of parenting or even if you're together, sometimes you can be pitting yourself against each other. Don't need to do that, parenting is challenging enough. Yeah.

Change the rules. Have a discussion. Get some help if you need to. Hopefully, your parenting journey will be a little easier based off the things that I've said, hopefully it will open your mind to some opportunities where your life can be easier. So I'm hoping that's clicked something within yourself so that you can go off and have an easier journey.

So regardless of whether you've got kids haven't got kids, whether you're together as a couple, single parent, part time parent, doesn't matter. Being the best parent you can to those children so you can raise them to be the best possible human beings. That's your goal, that's your aim. That's what you should be shooting for.

All right, look after yourselves will catch on the next episode and until then here's to a great life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Are Soul Mates A Real Thing?

Fri, 18 Jun 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, it's Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track.

Welcome back to the latest episode. In this one, I want to talk to you about something that a lot of people seem to have a belief about and that is that there is a 'soul mate', that there's a, 'the one' or the perfect person for them. I want to set you straight on this. There is no such thing.

If there was such a thing, the odds against it happening for one person, let alone millions is just astronomically huge. So if you think about the odds that someone in the world was your soul mate, let's just pretend someone was your soul mate. If it was a real thing, that person, what would be the odds of them living in the same country as you? There's something like 217 countries. So we're already at one in 217 factor in that that they live in the same state of the same country as you.

Well, let's assume there's ten states in your country that's already observed 2,170 to 1. But, it could actually to be a hell of a lot more because if you've got more than 10 states in every country. So we're already well into the thousands now. Imagine that in that state, they're in the same city as you and not only in the same city as you, they happen to go out on the same night as you to the exact same venue as you to run into you so that you can have this relationship with 'the one' or your 'soul mate'.

The odds are just so astronomically huge that even for one person for that to happen would just be ridiculously unlikely and then make that for millions of people. Absolutely impossible. Absolutely impossible. The problem is that due to rom-coms, romantic movies, a lot of the ways that relationships are portrayed in movies and books and magazines, they're portrayed as being this perfect thing, like you meet someone and suddenly everything's fine.

Well that might be good in the movies, however, it doesn't happen in real life. In real life. People have things that go on. They have challenges that pop up, they have things that frustrate them and annoy them and disappoint them and therefore you don't have this little perfect world that's portrayed in the movies. In actuality, what you're looking for is the complete opposite of a soul mate or the one or the perfect person for you. What you're looking for is someone that helps you create a situation where you can grow and become the best version of you. This means that they challenge you. This means that they hold you accountable. This means that they support you, they encourage you, they do all of these things so that you can become the best version of you and what that is, is they help point out the parts about you that you want to grow and improve and be better.

Therefore, the only way that they are the one, or a soulmate, or anything like that, is if they can assist you in creating that situation. If they don't hold you accountable, if they don't support you and encourage you and kick your butt, then they're not a right partner for you. Therefore you shouldn't be with them. So instead of having, looking for having the goal of looking for a soul mate, the one, the perfect one, the one that's going to complete you, will make you whole, and all this sort of stuff. Look for someone that's going to push your buttons, that's gonna make you confront the hard truths, someone that's gonna make you accountable. When you say you're going to do something, they kick your butt and make sure you do it.

If you say you want to get fit, if you want to say you want to get healthy, if you say you want to learn something, they hold you accountable. They make sure that you become all you can be and if you do that for them as well, that's probably the closest you will get to what they call a soul mate, or the one, or your perfect partner. So release any romantic notions, any beliefs that you have around this highly romanticised version of a partner and make sure that you're trying to find someone who helps you become more than you currently are.

So if they're doing that, they're helping you create that situation because you're contributing to it as well. If they're helping you create that situation, you've found someone who can be a good partner for you. So I hope that clears up about being a soulmate? Because I hear a lot of people use those words, "I'm trying to find the one" or "my soul mate" and it is a load of rubbish and holding onto that belief will do nothing but cause problems and struggle.

So let go of that and find someone who holds you accountable, pushes your buttons, encourages you, supports you and does all of that wonderful stuff instead. Okay, I hope that's helped. I hope that's given you some enlightenment and I hope you've enjoyed it. All right, take it easy and remember, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ask Wayne - Why is my son so argumentative? How to deal with your teenager

Wed, 16 Jun 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode again.

This is another one of those questions that someone has sent in and this one's from Michael in Brisbane in Australia. Now, Michael's question is regarding his teenage son, his teenage son is 15.5, so he's worried about him because he's becoming argumentative, he's becoming rebellious and Michael is getting a little frustrated. He doesn't know what to do, he's starting to front up to him, to get aggressive towards him and Michael's worried that it might escalate into something.

Okay, now this is a common problem. It's one that I had to prepare my sons for so that I could avoid that, and it's also because I had a realisation. I did a fair bit of work on myself at men's workshops and weekends and what I realised is there something that a lot of our young men are denied and it holds us back, a lot of us from achieving what we could really achieve, and that is a transition into adulthood.

So a lot of the times a young man, he will be obviously a child, he will be growing up, puberty will start to hit, his testosterone starts to max out, and the challenge is that nowadays there's a lot of images of manhood that are not very effective or very complete. A word that gets bandied around, I don't like this and I don't endorse this word, but toxic masculinity. I don't like that, because it infers that there's something wrong, that you're broken. I don't agree with that. I believe it's more of an incomplete manhood. You don't have all of the information to understand how to operate as a man.

So what your son will be going through Michael, is he will be in this situation where he will be looking for guidance to become that man. Now, if you yourself have not done something like this, I would recommend doing it. I did it when my boys were just coming into their teen years and I know when my youngest, he went through it, I didn't have any problems with him directly, but he had some challenges at school. So I took him to a young teen version of what I did and that made a massive difference with him. He saw manhood in a wonderful, complete version and it changed how he looked at himself and he was certainly a lot calmer and more in control of himself.

So a lot of that argumentativeness, that rebelliousness is an unconscious drive from young males so that they get driven away from the family home so that they can find their own journey, their own image, their own version of themselves. And to do that you need to step away from the family and traditionally, the males of the tribe used to come in and take the boys away and do an initiation and that could be something from a few days to a few weeks where they're kept away from the tribe and they're taught how to be a man. They are taught the skills that men need, and then they come back to the tribe.

Some initiations start as young as thirteen in the older tribes, so that the boy that left at 13 comes back as a man of 13. He now gets a place in the council, he gets a voice, he gets heard, he gets valued, he learns his place, he learns to understand how he contributes, he learns to see the bigger picture and we don't get that nowadays, a lot of our young men and that's what ends up tarnishing a lot of us and giving us this sense of something's missing and that's what it is. It's that transition into manhood.

So I heavily endorse you to go and look at something like that. I'll happily give a plug for the one that I did. It was a mob called mankind and it originated in America and it's a three day long weekend, and we can get very intense. They'll take you through a lot of processes, a lot of answers you can find for yourself, and I felt really good at the end of that. I started to find myself again.

I also did another one and the mankind one I did here in Perth in Western Australia, but they are held all around the world. And the other one I did was in Brisbane, which was called R.E.A.L. and what I realised once I did that is a lot of that was derived from mankind. It was still a good process. I enjoyed it, still got some things out of it. The one I did and organised for my younger son was, like I had a young teen version of the mankind weekend, because that's 18 and over the one I did, he was under eighteen, I think he was 15.5 16, same age as your son, Michael, where he went and spent that weekend doing this. It was camping and just having fun.

So I'll put some links in below. If you've got any other questions, send them through to us and we'll answer them as quick as we can. So until the next episode, take care and here's to a good life.

Attending a NWTA (New Warrior Training Adventure) with MKP (ManKind Project) was something that really started my journey and helped me heaps to get started. It also really helped my son through a tough spot himself. Click HERE to find out more. This is the Australian version of MKP as the person who asked the question is in Australia. You should be able to find them near you.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ask Wayne - Why can't I get over my ex?

Mon, 14 Jun 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track.

Welcome to the latest episode.

In previous episodes, I've mentioned that if you have any questions you can send them into us and we'll answer them. This is one of those questions. Natalie is from Utah in the States and is a little bit confused. She's sent this in and asked, "How do you get over an ex?"

Because she split up with a guy nearly two years ago and she still struggles with letting him go. His memories with her impede into her everyday life. Certain things trigger off the memories that generally aren't too good and she basically wants to be able to let all of that go and to move on. The thing is, it's not so much about forgetting it, it's about rewiring it. You see, when we separate with someone, whether we've been with them for six months, six years, sixty years, it's still a very similar journey.

The thing is, our unconscious will have realised we have a certain amount of emotions that get triggered that need to be dealt with, and depending on our upbringing and our culture, we might not be comfortable addressing those things. Certain emotions we're taught, we have to suppress, were not allowed to engage them or be able to put them out into the open. So what we do is we suppress them, we repress them, we try to ignore them. What happens is our unconscious has all of these questions that it would like answers to, and because it has all these questions that it wants answers to, in our conscious mind, it isn't ready to deal with it.

Sometimes it gives us hints of something that we need to deal with. Now I've had my share of breakups, both myself ending them and them ending it. So what I've found is that works for me is, what I do is I go back and I revisit the relationship. Now if the relationship was really terrible, we wouldn't get with them at the start. So what I found was a good way to do it was to go back and visit the good times to try and get a balance between the good memories and the bad memories.

Because a lot of the times our mind will enlarge it, will magnify the negatives and make them sometimes a lot worse than they actually were. Because our human nature is we tend to notice negatives rather than positives, we will fixate on them and because we'll fixate on them, they take up a lot of our mind-set and a lot of our time. Which means we'll go over and over and over in our head, so therefore will negate a lot of the positives and forget that they happen.

So I find that's one good way of dealing with it, Another one is actually acknowledging things. So if for example with myself, I found that I was always subjugating myself to my previous partners wants and desires and dreams and all of that sort of thing. So I ended up having this underlying resentment that I didn't acknowledge because I was taught to be a people pleaser, so it was more natural so to speak, to do that, to put myself as a back seat to their wants and their desires.

It wasn't until I acknowledged that and started dealing with it, that not only was I able to see how I was contributing to the situation, so that I could get some answers as to why it probably wasn't as effective a relationship as it could be and therefore because I acknowledged it, it started to empower me. That enabled me to then make better decisions in my current relationship. So what I would say to you Natalie, is to do that go back and visit the memories and try and find the positive ones to try and bring balance with your negatives go in and find why they were negatives. What were the things in there that you need to address that you might have been repressing or ignoring?

Sometimes there's red flags that were there at the start and we choose to ignore them because we want to see the good in people. You know, it's part of what some of us do. We try to look for the good in people. So sometimes we ignore obvious red flags, but if you acknowledge them then you can be on the lookout for them next time and be better at dealing with them because you won't be repressing them or ignoring them the next time. Things like that.

They tend to make a big difference and bear in mind that we always attract to us the exact, perfect partner for us at that point in our journey. If we can move forward in our journey so that we become a better version of ourselves, we're less likely to need to attract that person that we attracted last time. So we're always looking for the lessons that our partners can bring. That's why I try to get people to look at their previous relationships. That's why I get people to ask people that they're dating about their relationships because it gives you an indication of how much they've evolved and moved on from them.

This will also make it easier for you if you're doing that. So balance the memories, look for the negatives you might have been hiding from so that you can learn. Also understand that everyone is doing the best they can with where they're at. So I'm sure with the relationship Natalie you did the best you could. If you want your next relationship to be better, you may want to get better tools.

For example, if you had struggles with conflict or voicing your wants, get some tools, some mindsets and processes that will enable you to externalise those things so that your partner is aware of them and you can then have that better relationship that you know you deserve. So I hope those few little tips help and they are relatively simple to do. They can be challenging however, to get past the denial part. So I hope it moves you forward.

If you've got any further questions again, feel free to send them in. That's the whole idea of these episodes. These question episodes is where you can ask me something so I can give you my feedback and what I've learned, what I've experienced and you can benefit from them.

Keep up the good work Nat. Great to have you listening in and we're slowly getting more and more listeners around the world. I notice I've got heaps in the in the States. Now, I've got Netherlands Sweden Germany Australia, obviously, because that's where I am, and that number is growing all the time. So it's really great that people are joining in. Again, if you've got any questions, feel free to send them in and we'll answer them as quickly as we can get to them. All. All right, look after yourselves and remember, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What are the best things that I have learned?

Fri, 11 Jun 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track.

A while ago, I had someone ask me "In all of the things you've been through, what did you learn?"

Because I often ask clients, What do you learn from the experience? How can you become a better version of you from what you've learned. Anyway, I thought it was a very interesting question. So I sat and pondered for some time and looked back at my journey. The situations that I've been in, the way that I'd reacted, the ways that I would've liked to have reacted, the a-ha moments that I've had. I looked at all of this information and I came up with 12 tips.

Now I'm going to very quickly go through these because obviously I wanted to chew up a heap of your time and also because they ended up so good, I think at some point I'll turn them into a book.

Anyway, the first one I've already mentioned this one before, and it was a really big one for me, and that's what we're not broken. You see, I had this belief that I was incomplete, that I needed fixing, that there was something wrong with me. Because I believed what my ex wife had said, and that was she said, There's something wrong with you. So I was going to a psychologist and I realised there's nothing wrong with me, I'm not broken.

So I stopped doing that because I had that epiphany of, I'm not broken, so that actually took a lot of weight off of my mind and that sort of belief comes from heaps of different directions. We get given that sort of message by so many different sources, and we tend to believe it. I'm telling you, it's not true. No one is broken and that leads me to my second one.

The second one is, everyone's doing the best they can with the tools that they have. Now, I know this is one that I've used many times, the analogy, but it is so true. If you're trying to chop down a tree with a hammer, you can do it. But it takes a lot of energy, it takes a lot of time, and it's very messy. How do I know you can do this? Because I've done it. I actually chop down a tree with a hammer, and it did take a very long time, was exceptionally messy, and I was very knackered at the end of it. So if you apply that analogy to anything, whether it's communicating, whether it's having dialogue about something, exploring something difficult, whether it's dealing with a conflict, whether it's reprimanding someone, whatever it is, we all do the best we can with the tools we have. If we have shitty tools, we tend to get a shitty result. If we get a better tool, we tend to use that because it gets us a better result and it's not as messy.

The next one is, there's no right or wrong answers. There's no right or wrong information. You see everything in the world either fits us and gets us the result we want or it doesn't. You see, I read a lot of books, I've listened to lots of audio and some of it was just plain silly. Some of it was good information, but it just didn't fit me and my journey. Therefore, I didn't really utilise it. So what I want to say to you is everything you come across, don't dismiss it off hand, weigh it up, look at it and say "Will this get me the result that I want?" "Will this be effective for me?" If it doesn't fit you, that doesn't make it a wrong piece of information. It doesn't make it a wrong decision. It's just not right for that moment. It's not effective. It's not efficient, but there is no right or wrong. Try not to judge things using that label.

This next one, and this was a big one for me, and I find that this one's tied in very much with your sense of self worth, and that's your boundaries. Make sure you set boundaries. Boundaries are where you say "You know what? That's my line in the sand. You cross that line in the sand. I'm going to be very upset." Now, if we tend to move that line in the sand, it's because we're people pleasing or putting other people's needs in front of ours. Basically, we're saying that we don't matter.

If you have solid boundaries and you believe that you're worth something, your boundaries don't move. The good thing about having boundaries that don't move is that people stop pushing them. They tend to say "You know what, they know exactly where their line is. Don't push it because it's not worth it." So Number four is set your boundaries, and that's with relationships, work places, children, family, everything. Set your boundaries. Don't let them move.

Number five is one that I created when I was coaching a couple who were on the verge of breaking up. They didn't want to break up. They knew they loved each other. They wanted to make it work. So I gave them lots of tools and processes and mindset shifts to get their result. The one thing I kept saying, which I now realise is a really cool piece of information is, be gentle. That's being gentle with yourself. Being gentle with others because, remember, everyone's doing the best they can with the tools they have. See if someone's using shitty tools and getting a shitty result, it's no good beating them up, because that's not going to help them. Be gentle with yourself. Be gentle with others. We're doing the best we can. And if you do that, life becomes easier for yourself. You also find you'll become less judgmental.

Number six. Tell yourself the truth. Denial is a horrible tool to use because if you're denying things, you can't move forward, so start telling yourself the truth about yourself. Admit to yourself when you're struggling, when you're confused, when you're lost, when you're not motivated, just tell yourself the truth about you. Also, tell yourself the truth about others. If that person is sabotaging you, stabbing you in the back, staying stuff behind your back that they wouldn't say to your face, tell yourself the truth about it. The hard thing is sometimes these people are family members and friends, and they may not be my meaning to be nasty or malicious. If it's damaging, you know, just admit that they're doing it. It doesn't mean you don't care for them, but at least you're not in denial. At least you're telling yourself the truth about that person.

Number seven. You can only be responsible for you. Okay, you can't make someone else happy. You can't make someone else angry. You can't get someone else's results for them. The only person you can be responsible for is you. You can inspire someone to help themselves. You could encourage them. You could support them, but you can't do it for them. The only person for whom you can get results, that you can actually motivate, is you. So take responsibility for you and you only. Stop trying to fix other people. A lot of people do this. We can't help ourselves because we believe we're meant to be helping others and not ourselves. But if you're not helping yourself, you definitely can't help others. So make sure you take responsibility for you.

Number eight is one that I worked on for a long time, and that's understanding your emotions. You see, when you understand your emotions, you get better feedback about how you feel and where you want to be. So if you understand your emotions and that's not just the positive emotions or so called positive emotions, it's also the so called negative emotions. We get taught that you're not meant to be angry, that your not meant to be scared, that you're not going to be all of these so called negative emotions. However, they can be really good emotions to utilise if you understand them, if you recognise them. If you start to be open to those so called negative emotions and you can let them in. You can let in more of the positive. If you try to deny the negatives, you're also denying the positives. You can't have one without the other. They're all present, they're all part of life. So understand your emotions. Get in touch with them. When you're in touch with them, you can start to control them. You can choose them. Therefore you don't get dictated to by your emotions. You control them. You use them, you utilise them. Then you get a result using your emotions.

Number nine is one I learned a number of years ago and something that I do, and it's very personal. Personal is how you want to do it, and that's a morning ritual. Every morning you do something every morning, that they gets your day off to a good start. So for myself, I have a number of things that I do. A couple that I would recommend is exercise of some sort. Now, this doesn't mean working out. It could be just doing a couple of simple movements to get your body moving and primed for the day. Could be stretches, could be just some squats and push ups, it doesn't matter what it is, you get your heart moving, you get your muscles moving, and that's important. Another one I would recommend putting into your morning ritual is something where you list five things you're grateful for and try to list five things that are different every day. So one day it could be things about yourself. You're glad you've got your health. You're glad you've got hands that work. You're glad you've got lungs that breathe fresh air. The next time it could be about your partner or your children, your family, your friends, the world you live in, it could be many different things, but five things you're grateful for. If you want to really make it powerful, say "why?" So I enjoy having hands because they enable me to do ... therefore, it makes it more solid.

Number ten. This is a good one because a lot of us, we get caught up on both extremes of this. Number ten is living in the moment, in the now because the past is already gone, it's memories. It's things that no longer exist except in our head. That means all of the so called negative emotions that come along with it are in our head. They don't exist in the real world, they are only a memory and the future hasn't happened yet. So if you try to live in the past, you have a lot of regret. If you try to live in the future, you have a lot of anxiety. The only moment you have is right now. Can you learn from the past? Yes. Can you plan for the future? Yes, but don't get caught in either of those extremes. Live in the moment. Choose what you want to choose right now. That's a really big one, living in the moment.

Number eleven. A lot of the times we have things in our lives that we want to deal with, that could be a little big, a little overwhelming, a little bit where we're not sure where to start. So the old joke is "How do you eat an elephant?" One bite at a time. And it's the same with anything. If you break it down into small enough steps, you can do anything. So whether it's sorting out your relationship, your finances, your parenting, your health, whatever it is, whatever you want to get sorted, work out some steps that you can repeat every single day. So if you want to get healthier, for example, each day with your morning ritual, eat something healthy for breakfast. Do a little bit of exercise, it doesn't have to be big, but repeat that every day and you'll make a big change. So you're eating the elephant one bite at a time. Okay, so that's a really big one.

The final one, and this is something for you to ponder, and you can use this to influence how you act every single day. Number twelve is your legacy. A lot of people think of a legacy as something big that you're gonna leave behind like a a foundation that helps homeless kids or something like that. A legacy is something you do every single day. If you have a partner that you love, you support, you encourage, you hold accountable so that they can grow and become more. That is a legacy that you're doing. You're creating that every single day. Your Children, what you tell them, what you demonstrate to them, what you expect of them is the legacy you are creating for them. The memories you create with your friends, your family. That is your legacy. Your legacy is something you create every single day. So think about that. That's where all of these other eleven come into it, is what is the legacy that you are leaving for everyone else that's left behind when you go.

So that's it. That's my twelve tips. I hope you've written them down. Hope you've enjoyed them. If you've got any feedback on them, feel free to send it in. I'd love to hear. All right, enjoy yourself, look after yourself, and remember, here's to a good life.

If you are enjoying the podcast and want to go even deeper, we are creating a premium subscription podcast where we go even deeper with the information and the answers to your questions. It's coming soon so keep an ear out for it.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A bit of my story - Part two of two

Wed, 09 Jun 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track.

Welcome back to this episode where I continue the story of my journey.

So, I've already explained to you the struggle that I've been through, the challenges I've had, the dark place I pulled myself back from, and now I want to explain to you as it started all to come together and how I managed to create the results that I got and that I now help other people with.

The one thing I've been working on through my whole learning journey was that of being a good parent. I had a moment, thankfully when my boys were very little where something was placed in front of me, a wonderful learning opportunity that woke me up amazingly. That occurred when I was visiting my father and we had our family challenges because, we'd only in the last year or so, lost my not only my grandmother but also my mother within a few months of each other.

So that was still very fresh, years ago and I was visiting my father and I was going through all the struggles with their mother of separating and struggling financially and emotionally and all of that. My youngest had done something that had irritated me, so I gave him a smack because you know, that's what you did when your children misbehave.

My father, who is not usually one of those people that says something, had this wonderful moment of lucidity and he looked at me and said, "Why are you taking it out on him?", and that really hit home. I went home that night with my boys, put them to bed and I sat there for hours thinking about that and he was absolutely right. He was absolutely right. I was making them responsible for my frustrations. They were the recipients of my frustrations and from that moment on I vowed to work on owning my stuff so I wanted to take responsibility.

I spent years working on myself, learning to accept what I had contributed to situations and working out why I attracted certain situations. Now, that was where my journey started was trying to be the best father to them, so as much as possible, I was trying to stay calm with them, not lose my cool with them, making sure they felt safe and secure, and for the most part of I feel I've done a pretty good job. They turned out pretty damn good considering.

The next thing I wanted to work on was, I ended up marrying that other relationship, because I thought it would make her happy, I thought her to give her security. Didn't work. Okay, Just a tip for you. If you're with someone and you think marrying them will make them happy, will give them security, don't. It's an insane belief and I had that at the time.

Anyway. I tried to make that relationship work. I tried using the things that I was learning and it was only when I ended it and I was sitting down and thinking about it the way a lot of the times with our relationships, we screwed up because we get the order wrong, okay? What I mean by that is that we go out, we meet someone, we think they're a good fit for us and we like them. So we get in a relationship with them and then we have all these struggles, we have these obstacles, we have this conflict, we have this stress.

If we don't have the tools or the understanding to change it, it ends up just being painful. Now, if you've watched my video about the five relationship stages or listened to my podcast regarding that, you will know what the five stages are and I struggled to get past the therapeutic power struggle. Once I realised why we have a partner, why we attract a particular partner, I decided I would flip the relationship journey around, knowing who I needed to be with and how they fitted myself and my journey.

Once I got clear on that, all I had to do was work out how to go out and find them. So for me, this was a real challenge because believe it or not, I'm actually a shy person, I'm a reserved person, so I created this system and this system, I spent months refining it, figuring it out, making sure I got it right and I worked out exactly who I should be with and why.

I had to look at myself, do a fair bit of introspection to get the right answers. I then went and worked out who she should be and then I went out looking for her. Now, for someone who is shy and reserved approaching a woman was a terrifying prospect. So I went out and I vowed that I would go out at least three nights a week looking for her.

So the first night I went out I spoke to no one, I mean literally no one. The second night I went out I spoke to a doorman as I went into a venue, and I didn't speak to anyone else. The third night I went out I berated myself, I took myself off to the toilet. I go kicking myself going "What are you doing? You know this is gonna work. You've been through this, you know, it's gonna work just freaking do it".

So, after I admonished myself long enough, I went out and I said, just approach one woman. So I approached one woman, we had an enjoyable conversation for 10, 15 minutes, and then I went, right, I did that, I'm going home. That gave me a tiny little bit of confidence. Then the next time I went out and spoke to a couple of ladies and every time I went out and spoke to more women, and over the course of seven weeks, my confidence increased that much I spoke to over 170 women. I would be approaching 3 to 4 women at a time. I would engage them all in a conversation. I would test them all to make sure they were qualified to be in a relationship with me, which means I went through all the aspects of who she should be based off my Dating Template that I had created.

I then kept doing that and I met lots of lovely ladies of all ages, shapes, sizes, everything, and no-one had matched yet. There were a few that were sort of close, but no-one matched. Then by the time I got to the end of the seven weeks, I was having that much fun talking to women because I'd never spoken to this many women before in my life. I was having that much fun, I'd almost forgotten to test them and qualify them to date me.

I was enjoying myself that much. I was at an event and it was with one of my social groups and this woman came in and sat next to me and I thought to myself, well, she's a bit cute, started talking to her and then, hang on, she's ticking a couple of boxes. We organised a date and we went on this date and enjoyed ourselves and needless to say a few months later, I thought actually, I could spend the rest of my life with her.

We had a few hiccups to get past and in the end, I asked her to marry me. She said yes and it's been brilliant ever since.

The other system I created was regarding conflict resolution. Now, up until that point, I had had, as I explained, a relationship where arguments would go literally for hours. They would start at 5 or 6 o'clock in the evening, seven o'clock in the evening and they would go to 2, 3, or 4 in the morning. And it was ridiculous because nothing was ever resolved and we argued about shit that didn't matter. So what I did is I looked at that, I dug deep into it to understand where it originated from and how I could use that to get a result that I was after. So I created a system for that.

Now when I have conflict with my wife, there is no yelling, occasionally I get a little bit frustrated, but there's no yelling Most of the time, 95% of the time, it's usually over in about two or three minutes because three quarters of the time, it only happens in my own head, she doesn't even need to be involved because I realised that when you get triggered by someone that's an opportunity for you to learn. So for me, I know now when I have conflict, it's nothing to do with the other person, therefore they don't need to be involved. So they trigger it, I do the work, I benefit from it and then they benefit from it as well because they get a better version of me. I created that system and there were a few others as well for emotions and mindset and all of this sort of thing.

My life did a complete turnaround from where it was, say, 10, or 11 years ago. So now I have the relationship I have always wanted. There's a lot less stress. I understand my emotions, conflict is almost non existent. The relationship with my sons is brilliant. So many different aspects of my life have vastly improved because of the systems I created based off, not just what I had learned, but what I had realised in my journey. These systems have helped me.

They've helped other people go out and find their partners, deal with conflict, to understand their emotions, to get back connection with themselves. So that's basically what I do. So if that sounds like something you'd want to look into, below is a link where you can join a thing called "The Family". "The Family" is a repository for me to put everything that I've learned and understood over the last 20 years. It's also where you can get feedback on various things and interact with people that are on a journey like yourself.

Now, the family has a number of different levels based off the amount of time, effort and money you want to put into your journey. Now the link below will take you to a free access, which means you get to look at various sections and you get to see the layout of the entire family. So you can see what's involved and it costs you nothing. So click the link below. You can read about it before you actually subscribe. Then you can subscribe and you can check out the family for yourself and then you can understand some of the things that I've learned that have helped me and many others, so go and enjoy.

I hope you've learned something from the this episode. And if you've got any questions you'd like me to answer, send them in and I'll do my best to answer them as quick as I can. Other than that, have a great life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A bit of my story - Part one of two

Mon, 07 Jun 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track and welcome to the next episode.

In this episode. I'm just going to be talking a little bit about my journey, what I've been through, and the challenges that I had, so you can understand how I ended up where I ended up today.

Now this story that I'm about to tell, I'm going to actually put it in two parts because I don't want to be dragging this out and using up a lot of your very valuable time. So this part I'm going to be talking about the struggle, what I've been through, the obstacles I had to overcome, and the pretty shitty places that I found myself in so that you can understand that getting yourself out of any situation is possible.

So for me, in my early twenties after doing all the typical thing of going to school and getting a job, I met someone who I felt I was going to be with the rest of my life. So we got married and we bought a house and then we started having children and it was a struggle because we were on one income. She stayed at home and looked after the children and the money was tight. We weren't destitute, but we were certainly living paycheck to paycheck.

Unfortunately, after about four years she decided she'd had enough and she up and decided she was leaving. She was not only leaving me, but she was also taking our two sons with her, which is typical when the woman leaves. Unfortunately for me, she is English and she was going to take them back to England, which for myself as someone who was a very and still is a very hands-on father, that ripped me apart.

Now that coupled with some other personal challenges that I was going through at the time, had sent me into a very dark place. So for a very long time, I was teetering on the edge of depression. I had daily thoughts of suicide. I was really in a shitty place for many, many, months and eventually, I started to pull myself out of it and pull myself back from the edge of the abyss and that was a real struggle.

I look back now and still wonder how I managed to get through it. However, I reached a point where I was realised I needed to understand something. So I started learning, I started reading books I started completing all the courses I could find. Because my money was really tight, I didn't have a lot of money to invest in the learning. Books and CD's, that sort of thing were about the only thing that I could afford at that point. So I was listening to CDs constantly, reading books on psychology, parenting relationships, conflict resolution, mindset, all sorts of things, just to try and make sense of what was going on in my head and maybe get some answers about what had happened with my marriage.

Eventually, I started to feel like I was getting somewhere, and if you know, and you have had that situation where you feel like "I'm making some headway here, you know, I'm getting it together" and then you get sideswiped and that's what happened to me. I met someone who I met through a mutual friend and I thought it was going to be ok. I thought maybe with all the bits that I'm learning, maybe things were going to start to look up. There was going to start to be an improvement and there seemed to be at the start, you know, when you start off and it all looks promising.

Then we got to the point where we were living together, we were sharing a house and it started to turn to poo. It didn't go well. It ended up being worse than my first marriage, which had been a struggle. We had arguments. It wasn't anything too intense, it was just arguments, misunderstandings, frustration. This second partner was a new level of toxicity, a new level of stress, a new level of conflict. It was above and beyond what I had had before, and it was very toxic, stressful, and painful for both of us.

For some reason, I stuck it out for 11 years. Eleven years of this amazingly horrible, painful period of my life. It was a real challenge. So what I attracted back then, was what I needed to learn. The one thing I've realised, is we attract into our lives, the people that we need, that bring us the lessons that are going to give us an opportunity to become more of who we are, that will challenge us to grow.

So, I stuck it out for this eleven years and eventually what stopped it, is one day I was looking at it and I had a vision of the previous eleven years that this pain, this toxicity, this struggle had gone on and it had changed virtually not at all. It was the same amount of struggle and it happened in front of people in public, It didn't matter. It was all over the place, arguments would go on for hours and hours.

I know that all of us have our struggles and we could compare notes, which would be pointless because it's not a competition to see who's got the biggest pile of crap to overcome. This isn't about that. I want you to know that this is where I was, this is the situation I found myself in with this pain and this struggle, this confusion, the stress, and I had to pick myself up after the first marriage because even though we were struggling financially when she left, I had to pay her out. I had legal fees. I had child maintenance. So I was really struggling financially, which put a huge strain on my emotions and my mental health. So I was under constant stress.

There's a score that they have where you look at incidents in your life and they give all these different incidents a score out of 100 and the highest is the death of a spouse. And then you've got all these other things underneath that and they say if you have a score over 100, the chances of you having a serious illness is dramatically increased. I think from memory my score was like 160 or 180. So I definitely should have been suffering health-wise. Thankfully though I was doing my best to eat well and move so that I think worked in my favor and kept me a little more on balance than I would have been.

Anyway, I looked at this journey of the last 11 years and noticed that nothing had changed and I had this epiphany that If I didn't do something now, I'd be there 10 years later, still going through the same crap. So one day I said to her, I can't do this anymore, I'm out of here. And she was a little bit shocked. The one thing that astounds me and I don't know if you've experienced this when you have a relationship where there's lots of struggle. You look at the behaviors, the habits, the attitudes that are causing the struggle, and because of them, you make a decision to end the relationship, which is what I did amazingly what she did, and if you've experienced this, please let me know.

They then use that same behavior, attitudes, reactions, etcetera and magnify it as if to prove to you that you're doing the right thing in leaving. So leaving ended up being very easy because of that. And of course, I had to start over again. I had to start over again, which means I lost a heap of money again. I put myself under more emotional stress as I had to try and deal with this because I still had to deal with her. Thankfully didn't have any children with her, but I still had to go and deal with all the fallout from it, which was a struggle because, you know, it went through court and all of this sort of thing.

So, it put me in a not as dark place as before, but it still put me in a place of struggle and in all that time I'm still trying to be a part time father to my boys. So you know, I had all the struggle with that during the toxicity of the relationship etcetera. However, once I got clear, at that stage, I had been learning for around 14 years reading books, listening to cds, trying to make sense of things and I realized I had learned a lot of stuff, a lot of stuff.

I've read hundreds of books, done dozens of courses, listened to thousands of hours of Cds, and what I realised is a lot of the information out there was confusing and contradictory, and set up a mindset that was not going to work for me. So eventually I had to go through, get rid of all the stuff that was just rubbish, take the stuff that was good, the real gold. I decided and try and use that as a foundation to create something I could use.

So I'm in this situation where I'm living in this house after ending this relationship and I'm spending my evenings pulling it all together and eventually, eventually I create some systems that changed my life and that of many other people. So on the next episode I'm going to be explaining to you those systems, what they consisted of and how they helped me and other people sort out various aspects of our lives.

I hope you understand that if I can pull myself out of that situation I have described, and of course I could give heaps and examples and stories, not going into that because your time is more valuable than that. I just want you to know that no matter where you're at, no matter what you're struggling with, I've probably been through it, and if I can do it, you can do it.

I really do want you to know that if I can do it, you can do it. I hope you've enjoyed this episode. Catch you on the next one. Feel free to send messages, comments, questions and I'll answer them in the next one. Okay, take care, look after yourselves and remember, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Looking at our past relationships

Fri, 04 Jun 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, it's Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome back to the podcast.

In this podcast, I want to talk to you about past relationships, and the reason I want to do this is that I had a memory pop into my head yesterday. When I first started coaching, I was talking to a chap about relationships, and he let loose on this barrage of quite nasty statements about his ex-partner. And as I listened to him, I was amazed at the intensity and the ferocity of these statements. And once he unleashed and I had let him vent a little bit, and then I stopped him, and I asked him how long ago this had happened, figuring it would have been mere months ago because it sounded like it was still really raw and really fresh. He told me, and I almost literally fell over. He said it was 15 years ago. 15 years and he was still holding this venom about this woman that had wronged him, and I was amazed at how much ferocity there was behind it, and sadly, he's not a solo story. There are many people that are like this.

They carry around these negative views about their ex-partners. I'm amazed that people do this and in this podcast I want to just give you a couple of little things to ponder, to think about in regard to your ex-partners. Now, I don't know obviously, how you view your ex-partners. You might have parted really healthily. You could still be able to have a dialogue with him if you needed to. You probably don't bear any grudges or any hurt or any venom against them. And that may be the case. If it is, fantastic. If you're someone though, that does carry around some things that bug you still, I want to give you a couple of things to get you to think about them that may help you shift your viewpoint of them, your perception.

First of all, when you got with them, you're with them for a reason. And through the course of the relationship, those things were probably still present. Those good things that you enjoyed were probably still there. But because you started focusing on the negatives as you moved out of the honeymoon period into the power struggle, you probably focused a lot more on the negatives because as humans we're silly like that. We focus on negatives more than we do positives. So, therefore we tend to not see the positives because we're focusing on the negatives. So I want you to think about some of the things that were there, that appealed to you, that made them someone you would consider going out with, and know that they're still those things, even though those negatives were there.

And the other thing I want you to ponder. And I'll tell you, my story as well to illustrate this. Actually, there's two parts to this. We attract the people that we need at that moment in our life. So for where we are at that moment in time, we attracted the perfect person for us. We attracted them into our lives. We welcomed them in. We chose to be with them and we chose this because they bring certain lessons. So they attracted us because we have lessons for them. Now, if we're aware, we can receive these lessons and we can become better versions of ourselves. So I'll illustrate these point with two stories.

One was or is, I should say, when I first get with partners, I'm someone who enjoys looking after someone. So when I get with them, I tend to do most of the cooking, I'll do most of the shopping and things like this and I don't have a problem with that. But in the past, what I found was, I started getting angry in the relationship and I couldn't figure out why, and it was only years later that I realised why. Because each of us has things that we do so easily, so naturally that we don't see it as difficult, yet other people, they struggle with it.

So I don't know about you, if you've ever watched, say, a bricklayer, they get the bricks, they slap them down. They make it look easy. So then you decide. I could probably build a wall and then you build a wall and it looks like someone's thrown the bricks from about eight metres away. I know that because I've actually done that, not throwing them from eight metres away, but built a small retaining wall, thinking "Ah. it can't be that hard" and a bricklayer, who was a mate of a mate came along and had a look at it and went "The walls a bit wobbly".

Anyway, there are things that we do so easily, so naturally, we don't think about it, that if we don't realise that we can feel like we're being used, that we're not being valued. And that's how it was for me, with the cooking and the shopping and all of these things. So I ended up feeling used and taken advantage of, and that's where my anger came from, and what it is, is I had this ability to do these things and because I just did it so naturally and so easily, I didn't think about it, and therefore it was not consciously used by the other person.

They used it without me being aware that I needed it to be acknowledged. When I met my current wife, I said to her, "Look, I'll make your coffee every morning for breakfast. I'll cook. I'll do the shopping. We actually do it together. I said, I'm happy to do all of that and every now and then though, I want you to just come up and say thank you. So I'll give her a coffee in the morning and she'll say Thank you and I feel appreciated. I'll wash the dishes, which I do, you know, 98% of the time and she'll come up every now and then and give me a little hug and say thank you for doing the dishes, and I'll feel appreciated.

So because my little gift, my little ability, my skill is being acknowledged. I feel I have worth, I have value and I feel loved. So that's something where with our exes, we can be bringing these things into the relationship because we are not aware of them, we have a sense that we're not valued. We don't have worth. We might not be appreciated or have as much gratitude from our partners as we would like. So that was could be one of the things with your ex. You know, you could be feeling like they didn't value you. they didn't take your worth for what it was and give you appreciation. And that could be where it stems from, something like that.

The other one is, I've mentioned this in a previous podcast where we attract partners who push our buttons and it gives us an opportunity to grow. So with my partners, I tended to attract angry women, and I didn't know why. And it became quite intense with wife number two, and the anger was of a very high standard, a very high level. And it wasn't until I'd ended the relationship because I couldn't see it changing, that I did some work and I realised that these two women that I had married we're bringing in a challenge to me, to step into my masculinity and to be strong, to be firm and to by the masculine energy within the relationship which I wasn't doing.

So now I do that, and I don't have a problem doing that, and consequently, I don't need to attract angry women anymore. So that's why my wife and I have so little conflict is because, a) I have learned how to use it properly, and b) I didn't need to attract an angry woman anymore. So for you, that could be the same thing. You need to sit down, look at your previous relationships, ponder what they were bringing, that was giving you an opportunity to be a better version of you.

Also, what were the skills and the abilities that maybe you weren't being appreciated for? So therefore, you know, you didn't feel like you had as much worth with your ex, as you would have liked. So this is a couple of things for you to think about in regard to your previous relationships. So I'm hoping that gets your thoughts going. It gives you something to think about and ponder and hopefully allows you to release some of the stuff you've been dragging around with ex-partners and so that you can let them go on, move on into your next relationship or if you're in one currently, give yourself to it fully.

So I hope you've enjoyed this. I hope you found it illuminating. Feel free to send us any messages, questions, whatever, and we're happy to answer them. So yeah, look after yourselves, and remember, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The three types of anger

Wed, 02 Jun 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track.

Welcome back to the podcast. In this one, I'm going to talk briefly about something that impacts many people's lives, and it tends to come out regularly with a lot of people. Now. I'm talking, of course, about anger.

Now everyone gets frustrated, disappointed, annoyed, and some people have full blown rage, and they're all different forms of anger. Now there are three types of anger, and I want to talk very briefly about them here.

One of them is probably the most obvious one, and that's aggressive anger. Now, aggressive anger is fairly obvious. It's yelling and screaming, name calling, hurling things. It's basically any of these really volatile acts when people are angry or frustrated or disappointed or raging, whatever it is. So this one is generally from people who, they aren't able to articulate their anger, they are unable to articulate their frustration, their disappointment, their upset, the things that are ticking them off. So instead of articulating, they rage, they yell, they scream. And the sad thing with using this method is the person who's doing all the raging probably feels better at the end of it because they've vented, they've got rid of their tension. The problem is they've generally caused a lot of pain, a lot of damage along the way, especially if it's in an intimate relationship. You can cause damage. It runs very deep. It can cause security and safety issues with the other person. It can cause trust issues. It can cause all sorts of problems, that can take a very long time to repair. Sadly, this is a very common one.

It seems there's a lot of people that unable to deal with their anger properly or in a healthy way. So that's the most important one. Not the most important one, the most common one.

Another one, which is sort of the opposite end. This is a form of anger with people who are told to suppress the anger, that they're not allowed to show their anger. So what happens is they're a bit like a pressure cooker. They got all this anger inside them that seething away, and it comes out in little subtle ways, like a pressure cooker. I don't know if you've ever seen a pressure cooker. It's a big pot. A solid lid goes on top and have this little weight that sits on the top over the vent. And as the pressure builds, it tips to one side and lets a little bit of pressure out.

So people that use passive aggression, that little bit of steam that comes out, comes out in really sneaky, subtle ways. Basically what they do is they let this anger out in a little subtle way that basically says, 'F#*% you', it's a subtle wave of attacking you. So, a common one is, if someone's upset and you can see they're upset, and you ask them, "what's wrong?" and they say "It's nothing". That passive aggression that's basically saying "F#*% you. You can figure it out. You can mind-read. You can do all the hard work figuring out why I'm upset". Basically, anything that would come across as a way of saying, "F#*% you". Littering is another example. People walking along, they throw the litter down, they can't be bothered putting it in the bin. It's like "F#*% you. Someone else will pick it up". So it's passive aggression is again, not a healthy way of doing it.

It's someone who, they can articulate it, they're just not allowed to. They feel that their anger is suppressed and it has to come out in these unhealthy ways. Again, it's not effective, doesn't get anywhere. It causes a lot of frustration, especially the people, trying to figure it out or trying to help you.

The third one is probably the most important one. That's assertive anger. Now, assertive anger, you could basically sum up as saying, "No, this is my line. It's not getting crossed". So it's where boundaries are firm. Someone is capable of saying that they're upset, that they're hurt, that they're disappointed, that they're frustrated and they can say it in a healthy way. It doesn't cause damage to the other person, and it ensures that they are heard, not only heard, but understood. Because it's assertive, the likelihood of it occurring again is dramatically reduced because it's assertive. It's delivered in a healthy, clean way.

Now I know for myself with my second wife, we definitely did aggressive anger. It was lots of yelling, lots of name-calling. It was very stressful, very toxic and I was very good at it. And so was she. We did that for years. I look back and think, what a stupid waste of time that was. So much annoyance, so much frustration. It was, not good, it was not good. Of course, now is it's a totally different story. I'll probably get upset with driving in the traffic more than I get upset with, like my wife or my kids or my friends or anything like that. I think that's probably my vent nowadays is on the road. When you get people who do stuff, that's probably not the most common sense thing. And then I vent at them. So I have some fun with it sometimes, too.

However, for you. If you fall into one of the first two, it's not a bad thing because everyone has. As I've said before, everyone does the best they can with the tools they have. And if the best tool you've got at this moment is aggressive anger, or if the best tool you have is passive aggression, neither of them is ultimately going to get you the result you're after. Go and learn how to do anger properly. Learn how to understand it. Learn how to understand your emotions. Learn how to articulate your anger to the person that's frustrating you, or disappointing you, or upsetting you, because then you can actually move forward. You can minimise that happening again.

You'll have a lot healthier relationships, friendships, working environments. Really, really important to understand anger and be able to express it in a clean way that doesn't damage and actually fixes stuff. So I hope you've got something out of that. I hope some lightbulbs have turned on. Feel free to reach out to us, if you would like some help. We do teach people how to deal with anger.

I hope you've have enjoyed it and we'll catch you on the next podcast. If you want to send us a message to get more information, it's admin@life-on-track.com. So send us a message or an email. Tell us you want to learn about anger and how to deal with it properly, and in a more healthy way. We'll send you a couple of things to get you started, and then we can go further from there if you want and I hope you have enjoyed the podcast and we'll catch on the next one and remember, here's to a good life.

If you have any questions or feedback, you can send an email to admin@life-on- track.com

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A summary of parenting

Mon, 31 May 2021 01:00:00 GMT

This is Wayne Brown of Life Back On Track. Welcome back to the podcast

In this podcast, I want to talk to you about parenting. Now a lot of people get into parenting, completely unaware of what the journey's like. It is one of the toughest, most challenging journeys you'll ever take on. And the reason why this is because nothing you ever see, read, learn about, get advised about, can prepare you for the actual event. You can have an understanding, but when you're in the midst of it, sometimes it can be very overwhelming.

I know there were certainly times during my own parenting journey that it was quite overwhelming, and I didn't quite know what to do. However, to make it a little bit easier, I want to explain one thing to you, and that is basically what your ultimate goal is. Because with parenting there are obviously various stages that children go through, and with each of these stages they have different needs that have, different levels of support that they need, different levels of guidance that they need, different levels of involvement within the family and therefore your parenting role changes.

There are, however, some constants that run through the whole parenting journey, and this is what I want to talk to about here. And it's one that dawned on me slowly as my parenting journey progressed and I realised, by the time my boys, were probably starting school in the first year or two, it dawned on me what my role as a parent was and what any parents role is, and it's this one thing, and that's to put yourself out of a job.

That means as quickly as possible, you want to be able to stop being a parent, So if you can do that, you have actually done a really good job as a parent. I'll explain that there are three things that you need to assist your child or children in attaining, and that is you need them to develop a level of independence.

That means they need to be able to do things for themselves. You get a lot of kids nowadays, they hit adulthood, and there's so many things that they seem incapable of doing, they don't seem to be able to cook or clean or pay bills, check the oil in a car, change a tyre, changing a light globe, so many things they seem to have no idea how to do. That's one thing I made sure with my boys that they were capable. They could do various things, so they started cooking dinner when they came over to my house. Probably once each weekend that they came over and I would explain to them what to do, but they did it, so by the time they reached adulthood, there was a number of meals that they could cook. They could do your spaghetti bolognese, and roasts, and stir-fries and all this sort of thing So they're more than capable of fending for themselves in that regard.

And the good thing is if you give them capability, if you make them able to fend for themselves, so basically, at the age of 15, for example, they could run a household. If you can get them to that stage, they then develop the second thing and that's confidence. They need to have confidence in themselves, in their abilities, in their ability to actually achieve something, and finish something. So if they have the confidence, then they're willing to try new things, which is a really important thing. So when they enter the working world, they're willing to give things a go. They're willing to risk failing so that they can learn. They'll understand these things a lot more because they have the confidence.

The other thing as well is, once they've got confidence and they've got capability, they get the most important thing and that's independence. The worst thing you can have is someone who's attained adulthood, and they're still dependent on a parent. If you have raised your child and they're in their mid-twenties, late twenties, early thirties and they're still dependent on you, they're not capable. They're not independent. I'm sorry, you need to be admonished. You need to be told off because you haven't done, your job as a parent.

The challenge with a lot of parents is these helicopter parents? The reason they are like that, is that I don't have any faith in their parenting abilities. In other words, they don't believe they've managed to teach their child how to be capable, how to be independent, how to be confident. So therefore they need to keep stepping in and rescuing them. Because if you have faith in your abilities as a parent, if you know that you've done the best possible job you can, you don't need to step in and rescue your child. You don't need to step in and hover around and make sure they're all right, checking in any of every five minutes.

So that is the goal as a parent, do yourself out of a job. If you can make it so that your children, don't need you, and there's a big difference here. As long as they don't need you, they can choose to want you in their life. And that's a big difference between a person who is dependent on you and needs you and someone who's been raised correctly and has capability, confidence, independence, and chooses to spend time with you. Because they have these things, you've done a good job of raising them.

Anyway, that is parenting in a nutshell. Obviously, there's a lot of things to go with that. However, if you keep that goal in mind, you will do an awesome job as a parent. If at the end when they hit their 18th birthday, they're capable they're confident and they're independent, you have rocked it as a parent. You have done really well.

So, yeah, that's my summary of parenting. So I hope you got something out of that. If anything I've said's triggered you, that's a good thing, because that's obviously something you need to address, you need to look at so that you can be a better parent and you can raise your Children as best you can.

Now no one does a perfect job. Okay, I don't imply, I'm not saying, I'm not hinting at, that anyone should aim for some form of perfection. When it comes to parenting, we're all gonna have things at the end we wish we could have done better. We do the best we can at the time. But if you keep that goal in mind to get your children capable, confident, and independent, you've rocked it. So if it's triggered something, go and work on it. Be everything you can be. Be the parent your kids deserve. If it hasn't triggered anything, then you are on your path. Awesome. Keep up the good work. I hope you've enjoyed the podcast. Catch you one the next one.

Just remember, here's to a good life

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The five stages of relationships

Fri, 28 May 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track.

Welcome back to the podcast. In this one, I'm going to be talking about something that a lot of people experience, but a lot of people don't realise that there's actually a journey on. That is for relationships. For a lot of people, we go out, we meet someone, we like them, we fall in love with them, we have a relationship, and it either works or it doesn't work.
The problem is, a lot of people don't realise there's an actual journey that we go through a transition, a series of five stages and these are common. Everyone goes through them at different stages. Some people get stuck, and in this broadcast we want to run through the five stages, just so you're aware of what's ahead in a relationship.

So you might be in a relationship. You might be single and looking for a relationship, so you will notice various stages that are familiar to you, and others you wouldn't have heard of, so let's get into it, Okay?

The first stage is one that most people are familiar with, and it's called the Honeymoon period, and when we first meet someone, if we saw them in all their glory, with all their faults, their challenges, their things that annoy us, we probably wouldn't hook up with them. So nature does a bit of a sneaky trick on us, it gets us to block out all of those so-called negatives.

So what we do is, we only see all the good stuff in these people, so we tend to be attracted to them a lot easier. Now, this is actually a trick that nature does to get us to procreate, otherwise, we wouldn't breed and therefore we would die out pretty quickly. So the honeymoon period is where we love spending time with them. We'll talk for hours about all sorts of things, we will spend every waking minute with them, we message them regularly and we almost can't get enough of them.

We get a real dopamine hit from them, a real endorphin rush. So we feel really good when we're around them and we spend as much of our time with them as we can. Now, the honeymoon period where we have on our rose coloured glasses, where we have our blinkers up, can last anywhere from two months to two years, and in that period it's wonderful. So we tend to really enjoy this.

The problem is, when this honeymoon period ends, we move into the next stage, and this is what I call the therapeutic power struggle. Now the reason this happens is once the rose coloured glasses come off, or the blinkers come off, when we see them for what they are. We have a couple of different thoughts that go through her head. We want them to be how they were when we first met them, where it was all fun and exciting and nice and enjoyable. And the problem is that they're still being their exact same self. They haven't changed. It's just our perception of them.

The way we see them, how much we're letting through. So they react, of course. And of course, they see us in our true light and they're wondering why we can't be like we were when we first met them. So we have this struggle, first of all with seeing their truth. And the other thing is, we're now trying to work out where we fit in the relationship their pushing our buttons. They're triggering all sorts of actions, reactions, memories that are getting dredged up.

We start to have the old arguments. Now, for most people, these arguments are not pleasant. We don't tend to do them in a very respectful way. We don't tend to be very mature about it. In fact, most people are pretty crap at having conflict in a relationship that's healthy. Now, a lot of people in this power struggle, this therapeutic power struggle, this stage can last indefinitely, so people either do a number of different things, they either tough it out and stick with it, and nothing changes. Or they figure they need some help. So they go get some help, they might do couples therapy or couples counseling or something like that, or they might do a course or whatever.

They work at it, you know, because they both committed to the relationship or they split and they go back and start again because they think there's something wrong with the relationship, and that's not the case. The therapeutic power struggle is one of the wonderful parts of a relationship, if you know how to use it properly. The whole point of their pushing our buttons and triggering things within us is they are opportunities for us to grow if you understand how it works.

So when they're pushing our buttons rather than reacting, we should be embracing the opportunity to learn more about ourselves, become more complete, more whole, a bit of version of ourselves. If we do, then we become a better version. They become a better version, and as a couple we grow. So it's a really cool part if you understand what's going on.

Now for most people, they tend to give up. They tend to go. "You know what? Something is obviously wrong here. We're gonna just end it and we'll try again." The problem is, all you do is attract someone who's exactly like the other person because you need the lessons that they bring. You need their button pushing, and if you manage to get through this power struggle, you get to a point of stability.

So the stability stage, Now the stability stage, is where things sort of calm down. Your conflict gets under control. Your starting to figure out your position within the relationship. What your roles out, what's expected of you, what you bring to it. You start to understand how you can fit together as a team. You start to develop a little bit of an attitude of working together, which is always a good thing in a relationship. And if you get to that stage, you'll be with that for a little while and then you'll realise that you know you're actually starting to act like a proper couple. And once you're at this stage, you can move to the fourth stage, and that's the commitment stage.

This is where you actually get married. So a lot of people they'll meet someone and they'll be in the honeymoon period and they'll go "Wow, I've met someone fantastic. I'm gonna marry them". And then the power struggle kicks in and you wonder why it all turns to poo. So the thing is, you have to get through the power struggle. We have to have a period of stability. Once you have a period of stability, then you can actually commit and get married. And once you're married, your then a proper couple. You're working effectively as a team. You're drawing on each other's strengths. You're helping each other out. You're giving each other support and encouragement. You're keeping each other accountable, and then you move into the final stage, which is the co creation stage.

This stage is basically we go and create a life together, and you have to be really careful because you can rely too much on each other and you become insular and you cut off the rest of the world and that's not healthy. So you've got to find a balance between being as a partnership, a couple and also two individuals that are operating within the world as a whole.

You may also go back to one of the earlier stages. He could have you Conflict stage comes back, and that's all part of the evolution. And as you become better at dealing with things, you can move through the power struggle a lot quicker. I know that with my previous marriages, they weren't healthy, and I've actually been married twice prior to this current marriage, and the first one was a fair struggle, second one was a phenomenal struggle. It was very toxic, was very unhealthy for both of us. It didn't achieve a lot during the actual relationship. I stuck it out for some time, and at the end of it I finally got the lessons, realised.

Now I'm with my current wife and if we got back to the power struggle, if that pops up, it'll that only lasts a few minutes nowadays because I understand it. She's getting to understand it. So therefore, when our conflict comes up, our struggles come up, they're a lot healthier and they actually allow us to grow and develop closeness as a couple, and that's the aim, is that person who is pushing your buttons and really frustrating you and annoying you is actually the person that will help you become the best version of you.

So they're the five stages of a relationship. Everyone goes through it at different stages, and no one escapes any of it. There's lots of different stages out there. I looked and looked and looked, and this one I found, I added in a bit for the second stage. The lady that developed these five stages, she calls the second one just the power struggle. I call it the therapeutic power struggle, because it's the one where you'll tend to go and do your counseling or your therapy or your work on it together and it is basically thrashing out a lot of your crap from your past so that you can clear stuff out and make yourself whole and complete without anyone else doing it cause that's your responsibility.

So, you got these five stages? If you've got any questions about this, or you want to go further and or maybe you want to learn how to get through the power struggle, Feel free to send an email to admin@life-on-track.com and we'll send you some information, and help you get through the power struggle a lot easier than you may have done in the past.

All right, I hope you've enjoyed this. Look after yourself, and here's to a good life.

If you have any questions, you can send an email to admin@life-on-track.com or if you prefer, you can send it snail mail to: PO Box 40, Cannington WA 6987, Australia

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You need to know this #3

Wed, 26 May 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track.

Welcome back to the third of my, you must know this podcast. Now these are based off rules, guidelines, principles that I take people through that I've realised in my journey, and I hope underpin their journey of getting their life back on track.

So the first one was, you're not broken. The second one was, you're just using shitty tools, which is how most people operate, they do the best they can with the tools they have. This third one is, for me, it's stopped a lot of my internal judgement of myself. So I'm hoping it has the same effect for you.

A lot of us were, we're hesitant to put forward our beliefs, our opinions, our desires, our goals, because of this undercurrent that runs through a lot of our thinking. And that is that there's a right or a wrong answer to things. So if someone has an opinion, contrary to yours, people seem to feel that they can argue it or minimise it or negate it.

If you have an opinion, or a belief or an attitude, or a goal, or want or desire a dream, it's exactly that it's just one that belongs to you. It's not right, it's not wrong. And no one is right or wrong, because everyone has a perception, a way they see things.

When I'm taking people through a workshop or working with them one on one, I let them know that regardless of what you say, in regards to opinions, beliefs, attitudes, goals, wants, dreams, desires, none of it is right or wrong. It is just what applies to you. This also applies to any tools, any knowledge, it is basically. What I feel is, instead of using the labels, right or wrong, or good or bad, it's easier to say, is it effective or ineffective in regards to myself?

In other words, is it leading me to the result that I'm chasing? Or is it moving me away or restricting me from the result that I'm chasing? So if I'm after a better relationship, for example, or more connection with my partner, will this attitude this belief, this tool, this process, will it help me get a better relationship, or cause problems? In other words, is it effective, or is it not effective? Not good or bad, because what works for you, may not work for someone else, or what works for someone else might not work for you.

So I always say to people, even with the information I'm giving it works for me, I find a works for me, it seems to work for a lot of people. I say to people try it, if it works for you keep using it. If it doesn't work, don't use it, it's fine to take off that tool, that bit of clothing that process. It's your prerogative to only use what works for you what gets a result for you. So if you're asking a question of yourself, what is my desire, my goal, my belief, my opinion about this? It's not right or wrong. It's just what applies to you.

So the thing I want to leave you with at the end of this is, every time you read something, or you want to judge someone, don't judge someone because it's only the way you see it. It's not right or wrong. There was a cartoon I saw years ago, and it keeps popping up every now and then it's these two men standing either side of a large number. Obviously, because they're on opposite sides, they see it a different way. So one of the chaps is looking at this number that's on the ground in between them and he's saying "it's a nine" and the bloke and the other side's going "no it's a six".

Now they could both argue and it's the same thing they're arguing over, they just see it different ways. And that's how it is with any tool, process, opinion, belief, etc. It's just the way you see it. So in other words, is it getting you the result or not? You know, everyone's doing the best they can with what they know. And that's what this is about.

There's no right or wrong, it either works for you, or it doesn't. So there's my three little goals, principles, guidelines, whatever you want to call them, that I take people through when they attend one of my workshops, or do a course with me, or coach one on one.

So they're three principles I'd love for you to carry through. Not just your journey of listening to these podcasts, but also your own journey in life, that you're not broken, that you're doing the best you can with the tools you have. If you're getting frustrated with something, look for a better tool, look for a better process, look for a better mindset.

And also, is it getting you the result that you're after? Is it working for you or is it not? Get rid of the labels good, bad, that right or wrong? Because that will hold you back? Because you're too busy labeling it and judging it rather than just looking to see if it's getting you the result.

So anyway, that's my third podcast. I hope you've enjoyed it. We'll catch you on the next one and here's to a good life.

You can also send an email to admin@life-on-track.com or if you prefer, you can send it snail mail to: PO Box 40, Cannington WA 6987, Australia

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You need to know this #2

Tue, 25 May 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, this is Wayne Brown of Life Back On Track.

Welcome back to the podcast. In the previous recording, I was talking about one of the rules that I guide people through who attend my workshops, who I coach with. And this next one is sort of a continuation from that. So in the first one, I spoke about how none of us are broken. And this next one is something that has allowed me, when I have an interaction with someone where it might not be pleasant, where I might be perceiving them in a negative way, and it helps me understand where they're at.

And that rule, that guideline, that principle is, we just need better tools. So every one of us, regardless of where we're at, how we're perceived by people, we're all just doing the best we can with the tools we have. Now, the analogy that I've used for many years, is, if I gave you a hammer and I asked you to go and chop down a tree, you could do it. Now, it might take you quite some time because a hammer is a very blunt instrument, and a tree is not designed to be cut down with a hammer.

Now, the reason I'm using this analogy is because many years ago, I needed to chop down a small tree, and the only tool I had access to was a hammer. So I know in reality that this analogy is very true. You can chop down a tree with a hammer, it does however, take a lot of time, a lot of effort, and makes a lot of mess.

So a lot of people who may not be getting the result that they're after, are just trying to chop down a tree with a hammer. They're making a lot of mess, it's getting a more result, they're ultimately chopping the tree down. But it's messy, there's a lot of damage that doesn't need to happen, they may not be feeling too good at the end of it, but they've got the result, it's taken a lot of time, a lot of effort and it might of course, you know, caused scarring along the way, however, they're doing the best they can.

So for me, I now am inclined to look at people and go, Okay, if they coming into this interaction with that attitude, maybe they just have a hammer that they're trying to chop this tree down with. So if I can guide them to being able to pick up an axe, or a saw or a chainsaw, or something that's a little more effective at chopping down that tree, then they won't need to use the hammer to chop down the tree, therefore they can get a better result.

So I know that if someone comes to me and they're angry at something, or they're disappointed, they're frustrated, whatever it is, I know, they're just trying to use a hammer to get that result. So I try and guide them assist them, help them find that better tool so that they can get a better result.

So for example, if they've come to me, and let's say I've said something that offends them, it seems to be a common one nowadays, people get offended. So I say something that's offended them. So they come at me in a really aggressive tone, or a defensive tone. And for most people, we would probably be inclined to just apologise and move on. Now, that may get a result of some sort. Unfortunately, it's not a particularly good tool. So I would get them to explore that so we could get a better result. Therefore, rather than myself feeling bad for offending someone, I can actually feel better because I'm helping them find a better result and give them a better tool to find out what that is.

Now there might not have been the best example of this thinking off the top of my head there. However, regardless of what the situation is, I now look at people situations in a way that I can stop judging them and putting labels on them, that may block my ability to connect with that person, or my ability to be more empathetic or understanding, or gracious, or whatever it is. If I'm using that judgement, that negative judgement, which is so easy to do, if I'm stopping that, and realising they're just doing the best they can, no matter how much, I may perceive them in a negative way, they're just doing the best they can.

And everyone does the best they can until they learn better tools. So we become a better parent when we learn better tools, we can better at relationships when we get better tools, we get better with our mindset when we get better tools, we're better with our dating when we get better tools, we get better with our conflict resolution when we get better tools.

So basically, having that attitude, that realisation has changed a lot of my interactions with people, and I'm hoping if you think about it, that you realise it too, can help you. So even if this is the only thing you get out of the podcast, hopefully it will make you a more empathetic and understanding human being and making more effective in your interactions as a partner, as a person, as an employee, as an employer, as a parent, as a friend, regardless, hopefully that this one little guideline, rule, whatever you want to call it will help you understand people better.

Okay, thanks for listening in. We'll catch you on the next podcast. And I'll give you the third of my rules. And I think this one's pretty important as well. We'll catch you then. And here's your good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You need to know this #1

Mon, 24 May 2021 01:00:00 GMT

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track, and welcome to our podcast.

This is the first of this season and I want to run through some of the rules that I take my workshop attendees, my one-on-one clients through, and these are realisations, revelations that I've had during my journey that have helped me so much so that I make sure that everyone that I'm helping also learn these so that they can get their mindset in the right place.

So this first one was one of the ones, where it originated, amazingly, from my second wife, yes, I've been married a couple of times. And she had this belief that there was something wrong with me, that I was broken. And she kept attaching this label to me, in not very pleasant ways. And in a way, she convinced me that maybe I was broken or damaged or defective, or had something in my persona, in my psyche that needed fixing. So she suggested that I should go to a psychologist, so I found one local and, and I went and spoke to her. And we agreed to some sessions. And she took me through the first couple of sessions, and it was stuff that I sort of already understood and knew. And we were exploring those things. And we got to the third session, and I was halfway through and I had a realisation of something that, for me was very profound, and seems to be true with all of the people that I work with people that I interact with on a daily basis.

And that is this, you are not broken. I sat there realising that I wasn't broken, I didn't need fixing, I didn't need completing, there was nothing about me that was missing. And we all seem to have this belief, this attitude that we're going out there to fix something in us, that is defective, to put something back that's been taken away, to fix cracks and blemishes and make us perfect, so that we function properly and effectively, and all of this sort of thing. And it gives us this mentality of being inferior, of being low of having a low worth, or low value. And I found for me, that was very damaging.

And I've spoken to many people who seem to have this same belief of, there's something wrong with me, there's something that needs fixing. And so they go to counsellors and therapists and psychologists and psychiatrists and all sorts of people. And yes, before you want to argue, which is your right, there are some people that do legitimately need a professionals assistance in guiding them through this journey.

For the majority of us, though, it's realising we're not broken. We don't need fixing, we are not defective. There isn't something wrong with us. So for me, this was really profound and why, when I'm doing a workshop, it's one of the first things I say, when I'm working one-on-one with someone, that's what the first thing I say, is to let them know, you don't need to be fixed or completed or rewired or made whole again, because you are perfect the way you are. And through these podcasts, I want to give you information that will help you to guide you in your relationships, in your dating in your mindset, in your parenting, whatever it is, I want to be able to help you and it needs to come from this position of we're not trying to fix you because you do not need to be fixed.

So I want you to say that to yourself a few times. I don't need to be fixed, I am not broken. I am whole, I am complete. I am functioning.

And I want you to get that because that underscores a lot of this stuff that I'm going to be going through, is that basic premise of you're not broken. I'm not, you're not, no one is broken. Some may need a little assistance, getting through the journey. No one is broken, no one is defective.

So anyway, that's the first of my little rules. I wanted to guide you through, and even rules isn't the correct word. A shift in mindset, a paradigm shift, a changing of perception, a different understanding of who you are and where you are in your life. So that's the first of my podcasts. I hope you found it interesting.

There's two more with two other rules, guidelines, whatever you want to call them, that I take my workshop attendees that I take my one on one clients through. So this was the first one, look out for the other two.

And here's to a great life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting

our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.
You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own

podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE Thanks for listening.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Life Back On Track

Tue, 11 May 2021 12:00:00 GMT

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track.

Welcome to my podcast. At Life Back On Track, we assist people in sorting out their dating, their relationships, their parenting, their mindset, their conflict resolution basically whatever it is about their life that they need to get back on track.

This podcast is based off all of those things. In the various episodes, we'll be exploring aspects of dating, relationships, conflict resolution, parenting, mindset, all these things that I've learnt and studied over the years, as well as things that I've realised, things that I've created.

A lot of it's based off my own personal journey, because I believe you should have at least tried and proven something before you start trying to tell others to use it, so everything that I talk about, the things that I've been through all during the course of the podcast be explaining my own experiences, my struggles, where I had problems, where I started from, where I am now so that you can understand and get a bit of an overview as to where I've been with all of this and how it might apply to you and your life.

The episodes, I'll try to keep them between five and 15 minutes. So some of the subjects that we need to go in deeper will take 15 minutes and others, which will be relatively quick, where I'm just passing on a thought or an idea, a process, something I've encountered, maybe in my day to day life, and I'll keep them relatively short. So I will be around the five minute mark. I hope you enjoy them.

Fancy leaving us some quick feedback or a quick question, then send an email to admin@life-on-track.com or if you prefer, you can send it snail mail to: PO Box 40, Cannington WA 6987, Australia

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.