DIABOLICAL: Evil Schemes Done Better

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/fandomentals/id1521728883

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Episode 120: Aliens

Mon, 16 Dec 2024 07:00:00 GMT

“I’m fond of the Loch Ness Monster but not enough to jizz”

The panel of peril stand before boardroom, magic marker in hand, and write “PANEL OF PERILS” on the whiteboard. They then turn the S into a $, and the rest is history. To celebrate a successful bit o’ business, they watch this week’s film Aliens (James Cameron, 1986).

Ellen Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) wakes up from a decades-long cryo-sleep only to find herself pushed back into conflict with the xenomorph$ she encountered aboard the Nostromo. Accompanied by Weyland-Yutani rep Carter Burke (Paul Reiser) and a band of Colonial Marines headed up by sexy boy Hicks (Michael Biehn), Ripley heads back to LV-426 to mop up what remains of the penis-headed not-so-sexy boys.

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSeQQlaCZgU

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Naturally Burke sees Ripley, young orphan Newt (Carrie Henn) and the team of Marines as expendable. The only thing that matters is capturing that sweet sexy xenomorph for the nefarious Company. Will he succeed by facehuggering Ripley and Newt, or will the ragtag group of roughnecks shoot their way out of a very, very bad $ituation?

What did the heck panel think of this week’s movie? How in all that is holy can they improve upon the Burke’s scheme? And which evil schemer will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Craig, Adam and Gaz discuss the Alien franchise on Fandomentals here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4UGzAnrlLrcqk4paSV4Zvf?si=R1JuR53FRCCFSrCx64jnJQ and here

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Episode 119: Superman II

Mon, 09 Dec 2024 07:00:00 GMT

“Silly old sod* (*General Zod)”

The panel of peril emerge from their fortress of solitude (the toilet), wherein they have lost quite a lot of their own power (…). With their last ounce of strength, they pop themselves onto a comfy chair to watch this week’s film Superman II (Richard Lester, 1980).

Superman/Clark Kent (Christopher Reeve) has settled into life in Metropolis in fine style maintaining his dual identity of clumsy reporter and messiah figure with aplomb. But when he chucks a bomb into space and releases his father’s arch enemies, led by General Zod (Terence Stamp), his life is about to become an absolute disaster area!

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxD8RlGnP64

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

As (bad) luck would have it, Kal-El has forsaken his powers in a grand gesture of love towards the ever-spunk ace reporter Lois Lane (Margot Kidder). Needless to say, that makes planet Earth easy pickings for Zod and the gang, who are joined by snitch extraordinaire Lex Luthor (Gene Hackman) as he guides Kryptonian crims towards revenge for their imprisonment! Is the Earth doomed, or can the Man of Steel return to save the day?

What did the heck panel think of this week’s movie? How in all that is holy can they improve upon the villain’s masterplan? And which evil schemer will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

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Episode 118: The Shawshank Redemption

Mon, 02 Dec 2024 07:00:00 GMT

“My gut says, absolutely bang on”

The panel of peril take some time out from whittling chess pieces out of small rocks to watch this week’s cinematic classic, The Shawshank Redemption (Frank Darabont, 1994).

After being sentenced to life in prison for the murder of his wife, Andy Dufresne (Tim Robbins) makes both friends (Red, as played by Morgan Freeman) and enemies (Warden Norton played by Bob Gunton and Captain Hadley played by Clancy Brown). But when the former financial banker becomes invaluable to the screws, they will do anything to keep him behind bars – even when new evidence on his case comes to light.

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmzuHjWmXOc

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Yes, Norton has his God-fearing fingers in many badly cooked pies. Taking bribes, laundering money, overseeing the torture and sometimes death of inmates… this guy’s a real piece of work. Will he be able to keep Andy under his thumb, helping to conceal his secret criminal enterprise, or will the tall glass of water make it out and live his dream life in Mexico?

Did the panel enjoy this week’s televisual/cinematic serving? Could they find a way to improve the Warden’s villainous plan? And who will be named this week’s most diabolical (person/podcast((er)))?

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Episode 117: Panic Room

Mon, 25 Nov 2024 07:00:00 GMT

“I remember feet”

The panel of peril very calmly walk into a room, just a normal room mind you, to watch this week’s film Panic Room (David Fincher, 2002).

Recent divorcee Meg Altman (Jodie Foster) and her daughter Sarah (Kristen Stewart) are house hunting in the affluent brownstones of New York City. Deciding upon a grand, old building – complete with an old service lift, and state of the art panic room – the ladies settle in for the first night in a new home with wine and take out. Little do they know that three armed robbers (Jared Leto, Forest Whitaker and Dwight Yoakam) have designs on something valuable left behind by the previous owners…

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sp2kKzrCm44

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Turns out there’s a safe inside the panic room that they want to get to. The panic room that Meg and Sarah are hiding in. Inside the safe? A cool 22 mil in bonds; split three ways, that’s mucho moolah for our intrepid ne’er do wells. Can the diabolical trio clear the women out of the safe room, claim the booty, and get away scott free? Or is Meg more resourceful than they bargained for?

What did the heck panel think of this week’s movie? How in all that is holy can they improve upon the villains’ scheme? And which evil schemer will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

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Episode 116: Silent Hill

Mon, 18 Nov 2024 07:00:00 GMT

“Takes a good eight minutes to burn a crumpet, I reckon”

The panel of peril take an ill-advised detour to a town that they have been told to never visit, a town so run-down and dilapidated that man dare not tread: Rhyl. Still, they must go, for they have a film screening to catch: Silent Hill (Christophe Gans, 2006).

Rose (Radha Mitchell), Christopher (Sean Bean) and Sharon (Jodelle Ferland) are a family troubled by nightmares of a ghost town named Silent Hill. When Rose decides the best course of action is to visit said town with Sharon, all hell breaks loose, quite literally. As ash ominously falls from the sky, they encounter bobble-headed nurses, lying figures, and Pyramid Head on the search through town, but can Rose and Sharon make it out in one piece?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mfnhu8sO5k

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

The cultish Brethren, led by Christabella (Alice Krige), who remain in the town sit at the root of the evil. They inadvertently created their own, everlasting Hell by creating their own witch trials, attempting to burn a child whose anger knows no bounds. Will Rose and Sharon be the next victims tied to the stake, or is there a bargain to be made with forces of the underworld?

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon Christabella’s twisted scheme? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Alan Wake II’s Herald of Darkness performed live at the Game Awards: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMmU3mZ5gBc

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Episode 115: Duel

Mon, 11 Nov 2024 07:07:30 GMT

“Just don't go anywhere, that's the best thing”

The panel of peril walk home because, save for the off chance of a piano falling from a great height onto your head, it is statistically the safest form of travel. That fact is born out by this week’s film, Duel (Steven Spielberg, 1971).

David Mann (Dennis Weaver) is a middle-aged salesman driving across the Mojave desert for an important meeting. It’s a long drive, very hot, his wife (Jacqueline Scott) is none too happy with him at the moment, and to compound all of that he has raised the ire of a mysterious truck driver…

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SutDTIhbQ2g

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Following a perfectly reasonable overtaking manoeuvre, Mann is relentlessly pursued by the 18-wheeler, in a deadly game of one upmanship. Though the trucker’s identity is obscured his intentions are quite clear: the vehicular homicide of our friendly neighbourhood salesman!

Did the panel enjoy this week’s televisual/cinematic serving? Could they find a way to improve the mystery man’s villainous plan? And who will be named this week’s most diabolical (person/podcast((er)))?

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Episode 114: Total Recall

Mon, 04 Nov 2024 07:30:00 GMT

“Let’s not be centaur-mental about this”

The panel of peril lay down their trusty jackhammers after a hard day’s graft at the old concrete factory. They’ll have a quick shower and pop this week’s film into their frontal cortex… it’s Total Recall (Paul Verhoeven, 1990).

Doug Quaid (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is an ordinary Earth-bound schmo-hawk who dreams of a more exciting life… on Mars. Fortunately, memory implantation company Rekall have the means to make Quaid think he was, in fact, a secret agent… on Mars. But unfortunately for him, it turns out he already was a secret on Mars… or was he? With the shadowy Richter (Michael Ironside), and wife cum enemy Lori (Sharon Stone), on his tail this is one slightly confusing mission… on Mars.

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=684nkWhd658

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Mega-capitalist Cohaagen (Ronny Cox) rules the working stiffs of Mars with an iron fist, and firm control over the oxygen supply to the colonisers. In order to quell unrest among the proles he has had his secret right-hand man Quaid (!), nee Hauser, go undercover amongst the rebels in order to find their mysterious leader Kuato and neutralise him. It’s all very simple to follow, but will the plan succeed?

What did the heck panel think of this week’s movie? How in all that is holy can they improve upon the villain’s masterplan… on Mars? And which evil schemer will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Samoa Joe vs. Kenta Kobashi from Ring of Honor can be watched here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7RpSxESOFk

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Episode 113: {SPOOKTOBER!} Return To Oz

Mon, 28 Oct 2024 07:06:33 GMT

“I'll be downstairs, asleep, without my head on”

The panel of peril tie their hair in a couple of lovely plaits and don some fetching red slip-ons to watch this week’s film Return To Oz (Walter Murch, 1985).

Dorothy (Fairuza Balk) is plagued by memories of the wonderful land of Oz, and as such is completely unable to sleep. Shipped off to a suspiciously creepy ‘clinic’ by her well-meaning Aunt Em (Piper Laurie), Dorothy soon embarks on a magical journey back to the titular fantasy land. But our plucky heroine is shocked to find that things have taken a turn for the terrifying in her short absence.

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7DWx9xL23Y

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

The Emerald City lies in ruins, its citizens – including the Cowardly Lion and the Tin Man – turned to stone. The perpetrator is the new ruler of Oz, The Nome King (Nicol Williamson). He rules the land with a massive stony fist, ably assisted by the witch Mombi (Jean Marsh) who has a nasty habit of collecting her enemies’ heads. Can Dorothy and her pals, Billina the chicken, Jack Pumpkinhead, and Tik-Tok the clockwork robot – fend off the ghastly Wheelers on their way to dethroning the gruesome twosome?

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Episode 112: {SPOOKTOBER!} Wolf Creek 2

Mon, 21 Oct 2024 06:30:00 GMT

“When I say Hollywood, I mean it in the loosest possible terms”

The panel of peril go backpacking through the harsh terrain of the North Wales, where nothing of any real consequence happens to them. Just as well, as they have a filmic date to get to as they have matched with Wolf Creek 2 (Greg McLean, 2013).

The Australian Outback too attracts many such backpackers. Such as Rutger (Phillippe Klaus) and Katarina (Shannon Ashlyn), visiting from Germany, who find themselves in their own personal Heaven. Soon to turn into Hell! Psychopathic, xenophobic, wildlife gamekeeper Mick Taylor (John Jarratt) has caught their trail, and has designs on a very bitter ending to the couple’s dream trip.

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4bqeT5edbs

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Temporarily rescued from Mick’s clutches by English tourist Paul (Ryan Corr), things look quite grim for everyone as Mick chases them by foot, by road, (NOT by air) and refuses to give up until he has caught them. Finally winding up in one of Mick’s many hidden, abandoned, bases across the Outback, will he devour his prey, or will the intrepid foreigners outwit the Aussie madman?

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon Mick’s twisted scheme? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

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Episode 111: {SPOOKTOBER!} Little Shop Of Horrors

Mon, 14 Oct 2024 06:30:00 GMT

“Why would you pre-make pancake batter?”

The panel of peril take a large glug from a strong bottle of something hidden within a brown bag as they trudge downtown. They’re on their way home to watch this week’s film, Little Shop Of Horrors (Frank Oz, 1986).

Seymour (Rick Moranis) and Audrey (Ellen Greene) are two unlucky-in-love florists assistants hoping for a better future, away from their dead-end jobs and Skid Row digs. Their luck appears to be in when Seymour brings a wonderful new species of plant – dubbed Audrey II (Levi Stubbs) into the store and it proves a smash hit, bringing in custom beyond their wildest dreams. But at what cost?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqFZuR6UzjA

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

The cost be that the wondrous new fauna is capable of both speech and devouring human flesh. So, quite a big cost as it turns out. Sure it might pay dividends when trying to get rid of Audrey’s abusive boyfriend (Steve Martin), but Audrey II’s plan to enter every home in America will surely result in mankind’s annihilation, and therefore is probably a net negative. Can Seymour and Audrey stop the lyrical dragon before time runs out?

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon Audrey II’s plan? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

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Nick De Semlyen (Empire Magazine) vs. Sudden Death

Thu, 10 Oct 2024 06:30:00 GMT

“Yippie ki yay, mother pucker”

The panel of peril successfully extinguish a housefire, with absolutely NO casualties, thereby proving themselves better than the lead of this week’s film. That star is Jean Claude Van Damme, that film is Sudden Death (Peter Hyams, 1995), and our guest at this time is the Editor of Empire Magazine and author of The Last Action Heroes, Nick De Semlyen.

Darren McCord (JCVD) is a disgraced (?) former firefighter getting by working at his local ice hockey stadium as a safety marshall. Treating his kids to tickets to the Stanley Cup finals proves to be quite the error, though, as Joshua Foss (Powers Boothe) and his goons invade the stadium and take the visiting Vice President of the United States (Raymond J. Barry) hostage! What does Foss want, and can our high-kicking hero stop him before the final whistle?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyq2TbL1OG8

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Foss wants money, of course! A lot of money from a lot of banks, to be diverted into a lot more other banks at the close of each third of the game! If his demands aren’t met, come full-time, the arena will be blown to smithereens. Unless our Belgian/French Canadian hero can defuse the bombs, defeat a penguin mascot in fisticuffs, rescue the kids, and save the VP.

Did the panel enjoy this week’s cinematic soupcon? Could they find a way to improve Foss’s villainous plan? And who will be named this week’s most diabolical (person/podcast((er)))?

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Episode 110: {SPOOKTOBER!} Plan 9 From Outer Space

Mon, 07 Oct 2024 06:30:00 GMT

“No one smells what space smells like when you scream… in space”

A theremin plays that one thing that it can do in the background as the panel of peril walk through a small graveyard filled with (five or six) wobbly tombstones. They are searching for the screening room for this week’s film Plan 9 From Outer Space (Ed Wood, 1957).

In what some have dubbed the ‘worst film ever made’, SEE! zombies rise from the grave (Bela Lugosi, Vampira, Tor Johnson)! WATCH! in horror as they slowly shamble about killing the living and that! VIEW! the alien spacecraft that hovers ominously and perhaps controls the nefarious creatures! Will humanity prevail???

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiZp2sXkVUg

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Yes, dear listener, the glistening chrome spaceship from beyond the stars holds the power to control the undead! But not for pure malice, friends. No. They mean to prevent a man-made apocalypse of the entire universe, thanks to the human discovery of solaronite: the very real, the very dangerous substance that explodes sunlight particles that fill both human and inhuman air! Can the humans prevent this diabolical plan to save the universe, or shall we become death the destroyer of worlds?

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon the aliens’s plan (9)? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

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Episode 109: {SPOOKTOBER!} Beetlejuice

Mon, 30 Sep 2024 06:30:00 GMT

“I think they deserved to die, if that’s what killed ‘em”

The panel of peril fall a small distance from a rickety bridge into a shallow river and arrive home soaking wet! They are sopping wet, but otherwise fine – thus their viewing of Beetlejuice (Tim Burton, 1988) shall commence as planned!

When the Deetz family (Catherine O’Hara, Winona Ryder) move from the city into a new home they plan to do what new homeowners always do – redocrate, remodel, redesign. But little do they know that the house is home to it supernatural former residents the Maitlands (Alec Baldwin and Geena Davis). A battle of the wills commences, but which family shall gain the upper hand?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ickbVzajrk0

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

The ghostly duo decide to enlist the dubious services of “bio-exorcist” Betelgeuse (Michael Keaton) to help rid them of those pesky city folk. Things don’t quite go how the Maitlands’ imagined however, as they become fond of the youngest member of the new residents, and Betelgeuse demands that same girl’s hand in marriage. Yikes.

Did the panel enjoy this week’s cinematic serving? Could they find a way to improve the ghost with the most’s villainous plan? And who will be named this week’s most diabolical (person/podcast((er)))?

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Fandomentals vs. Cats & Dogs

Mon, 23 Sep 2024 06:30:00 GMT

“Stay in your lane, Heston”

The panel of peril feed their cats (cat food). They next feed their dogs. Finally… finally… they are ready to watch this week’s film Cats & Dogs (Lawrence Guterman, 2001). They are joined by Harley Mumford from Fandomentals podcast, who has also just fed his dog.

A look at the top-secret, high-tech espionage war going on between cats and dogs, of which their human owners are blissfully unaware, Cats & Dogs features a talented voice cast including Tobey Maguire, Alec Baldwin, Sean Hayes and Joe Pantoliano. Which species shall win this particular war? Whoever wins, we lose. Or not.

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQ5RCk1iCY8

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Those dastardly cats plan to take over the world in one fell swoop by releasing a pathogen which will render every human being allergic to our canine friends. Truly diabolical, I’m sure you’ll agree. Will they succeed, or will those silly doggos remain our best collective best friend?

Did the panel enjoy this week’s cinematic soupcon? Could they find a way to improve the feline’s villainous plan? And who will be named this week’s most diabolical (person/podcast((er)))?

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Episode 108: Johnny Mnemonic

Mon, 16 Sep 2024 06:30:00 GMT

“He's a digital Deliveroo driver”

The Panel of Peril are well used to jacking a load of information into the old grey matter. Therefore, this week’s task shall pose them no problem – yes, it’s Johnny Mnemonic (Robert Longo, 1995).

The year 2021: the NAS epidemic sweeps the world, and our Johnny (Keanu Reeves) is a sought-after data courier, smuggling illicit information across borders and shielding it against the shady corporations who seek to abuse it. But when he overloads his memory capacity he faces a race against time to extract the info and escape the Yakuza, headed by the legendary Takeshi Kitano, and a blasphemous hitman named Preacher (Dolph Lundgren). What secrets is Johnny storing to send such fire power after him?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFJY_BZ55sI

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

The cure for deadly NAS is buried in Johnny’s noodle, and the corpos want to keep the population under their thumb – as per our own world. Fortunately, Johnny has powerful allies in Jane (Dina Meyer), J-Bone (Ice-T), and a tricked-out dolphin with all the latest gadgets. Wow! Will they release the cure and change the world, or will Johnny lose his head?

Did the panel enjoy this week’s cinematic serving? Could they find a way to improve the villainous plan? And who will be named this week’s most diabolical (person/podcast((er)))?

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Episode 107: On Her Majesty's Secret Service

Mon, 09 Sep 2024 06:30:00 GMT

“At least one of them is a luge chase, so wind your neck in”

The Panel of Peril resign their posts in disgust at being told they aren’t allowed to do whatever the heck they please. Fortunately, their secretary has swapped out their resignation letter for a letter requesting time off to watch many, many films. They shall begin with this week’s film, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (Peter R. Hunt, 1969).

James Bond (George Lazenby) is a man obsessed. Obsessed with locating, and capturing, his arch nemesis Blofeld (Telly Savalas) after several prior close calls (with the other fella). Eventually tracking him down to a secret base atop the Swiss Alps, Bond assumes the mantle of genealogist Hillary Bray to investigate the big baldy’s claim to the title of Count de Bleuchamp. What is he up to?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOLq5Rg9N-c

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

He actually wants the title to claim immunity for alllllll of his prior crimes, and threatens to sterilise the worlds’ crops and what have you if he doesn’t get his own way. That’s a spicy meat-a-ball-a, and Bond faces a ticking clock to stop the erstwhile Count’s evil scheme. Add Diana Rigg’s feisty Tracy into the mix to steal Bond’s heart, and you’ve got yourself a stunning new rendition of 007, sure to continue for many films to come…

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon Blofeld’s sustenance-obliterating plan? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

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Episode 106: Young Guns

Mon, 02 Sep 2024 06:30:00 GMT

“Not the worst thing Christopher Cain has produced”

The Panel of Peril are rootin’. They’re also prone to a little bit of tootin’. Put ‘em together, and we got ourselves a rootin’ tootin’ good time as we watch this week’s film, Young Guns (Christopher Cain, 1988).

Loosely based on the adventures of Billy The Kid (Emilio Estevez) - and featuring fellow Brat Pack alumni Charlie Sheen, Lou Diamond Phillips and Kiefer Sutherland - the boys, and father figure John Tunstall (Terence Stamp) try to prevent the stealing of their bovine property by beef baron Murphy (Jack Palance) roots and toots along to stir up trouble.

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLGhrmntLqU

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

That’s right: he whacks him all the way off (this mortal coil). The guns of youth don't like it and vow revenge, becoming Deputies. Which eventually leads to a final shootout, holed up in their lawyer’s house. Or such like. Heeeeeh doggy, it’s a rootin’ tootin’ good time, ya hear?

Did the panel enjoy this week’s cinematic serving? Could they find a way to improve Murphy’s villainous plan? And who will be named this week’s most diabolical (person/podcast((er)))?

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Episode 105: Michael Clayton

Mon, 26 Aug 2024 06:30:00 GMT

“This was supposed to be our prestige episode”

The panel of peril go to the bathroom and lock themselves in a stall and check how sweaty their pits are. Very. They’re very, very sweaty. No wonder, as they face a goliath in this week’s film: Michael Clayton (Tony Gilroy, 2007).

Michael (George Clooney) is a self-described janitor who cleans up messes on behalf of clients for a prestigious New York law firm. A law firm currently in the midst of defending against a $3bn lawsuit against pesticide manufacturers U-North. All is not well, however, as the cases’s lead, Arthur Edens (Tom Wilkinson), has stopped taking his medication and spirals into a series of manic episodes partly due to the knowledge that U-North had full knowledge of their product being lethal to humans. What lengths will U-North’s general counsel, Karen Crowder (Tilda Swinton), go to keep their dirty secret?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kJRYBhG43Q

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

She’ll go as far as murder, actually. Setting two goons after both Michael and Arthur, a deadly game of cat and mouse ensues as our lawyers with consciences try to stay one step ahead of U-North, reveal the truth, and make it out of the tense situation alive. This is a true powerhouse of a film, peril pals, and you can be sure we treat it with the sobriety it deserves ;)

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie? How can they improve upon U-North’s evil plot? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

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Delaney Jordan vs. Jupiter Ascending

Mon, 19 Aug 2024 06:30:00 GMT

“The one thing he needed to do to not f__k it up was not be a nonce”

The panel of peril strap on some rollerblades and take to the skies! They go about a bit, you knowwww, before tiring of that nonsense and having a nice sit to watch this week’s film Jupiter Ascending (The Wachowskis, 2015). They are joined by video essayist Delaney Jordan!

Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis) is an ordinary Joe/Jupiter… or is she? Could it be that she is actually Queen of the Universe?! Yes, she is. Finding herself at the centre of a ancient conflict, Jupiter must rely on allies Caine (Channing Tatum) and Stinger (Sean Bean) if she hopes to survive the attempts on her life by erstwhile Space Pope Balem (Eddie Redmayne).

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THVFkk-sEus

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Balem, from the Abrasax space family, wants to claim Earth as his own and his harvest all of our stuff for himself. Taking in such SF delights as spaceships, space roller blades, space human-animal hybrids, and mass genocide, Jupiter Ascending is fun for all the family and we certainly had a lot of laughs discussing it.

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon Balem’s Earth-harvesting scheme? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Seth Vargas (Movie Friends) vs. Clifford

Mon, 12 Aug 2024 06:30:00 GMT

“I’ll be the Danny Ocean of stealing from children”

The panel of peril don their blazer, matching shorts, and matching caps and pretend to be children whilst watching this week’s film Clifford (Paul Flaherty, 1994). They are joined by their new friend: Seth Vargas from Movie Friends Podcast!

Clifford (Martin Short) is precocious little so and so. He’s fond of annoying his parents into an early grave, splitting up ostensibly happy couples, and, of course, show tunes! But when the young tyke is fobbed off on his Uncle Martin (Charles Grodin), Clifford spies an opportunity to fulfil his dream of visiting Dinosaur World – his dream theme park – and Martin spies an opportunity to impress the love of his life Sarah (Mary Steenburgen) with his parenting skills! What could go wrong?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0o9SkZUTNA

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Luckily Martin is the very person who designed the Larry the Scary Rex ride at that very park! That’s everything wrapped up in a neat little package-uh! But wait, there’s more. Uncle Martin reneges on his promise to the young/old fella, due to work demands mind you, and from thereon it be war! Will the boy destroy the man or vice versa? There’s only one way to find out: fiiiiiiiiiight!

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon whichever character they have determined is the bad guy’s plan? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Episode 104: The Batman

Mon, 05 Aug 2024 06:30:00 GMT

“So many of my plans have been undone by Antonio Banderas”

The panel of peril stand in the corner of the room, in the shadows, waiting for a chance to strike at their prey. They’re not home. They’ve gone on holiday for three weeks. Damn. Instead, they decide to watch this week’s film The Batman (Matt Reeves, 2022).

The Batman (Robert Pattinson) is, once again, starting out on his career path of borderline psychotic vigilante. Taking out street gangs pushing Gotham’s drug of choice, monitoring the local mafia along with James Gordon (Jeffrey Wright), and making the acquaintance of likeminded individuals such as Selina Kyle (Zoe Kravitz). But a mysterious masked man known only as The Riddler (Paul Dano) raises the stakes higher than ever as he wreaks bloody vengeance on high-ranking Gotham officials. Can The Batman unravel the mystery, and stop him?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqqft2x_Aa4

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Seeking revenge for what he sees as the abandonment of the lower class (principally himself), Riddler targets a conspiracy that ranges from a District Attorney (Peter Sarsgaard) to mob boss Carmine Falcone (John Turturro), and even Bruce Wayne’s father Thomas. Yikes! As he racks up a formidable kill list it remains to be seen what his final goal truly is, and what his plan for The Batman entails.

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon The Riddler’s twisted scheme? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Episode 103: George A. Romero's Dawn Of The Dead

Mon, 29 Jul 2024 06:30:00 GMT

“Live fast, die young, leave a terrible-looking Smurf-corpse”

The panel of peril pull up at their local Netto, shove as much tinned goods, AKs, ammo, and Bolinger into their shopping trolley/wheelbarrow as they can, before holing up to watch this week’s film Dawn Of The Dead (George A. Romero, 1978).

The (zombie) apocalypse is here! Ken Foree, David Emgee, Gaylen Ross and Scott H. Reiniger play a quartet determined to not only survive, but thrive in this new world filled with shambling, hungry, animated corpses. Taking refuge in a shopping mall, they live a life of surprising comfort, if not outright decadence, their every need catered for by the fine establishments within. But for how long will their consumerist utopia remain a safe-haven?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_EviQj5tvA

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Are they safe… in a word, ‘no’. In two words, ‘no, no’. Eventually falling foul of a large, invading biker gang (spearheaded by the legendary Tom Savini), our heroes have two choices – fight or flight. Will they stand their ground and take on the bikers and zombies simultaneously, or will they literally take flight in their snazzy TV station ‘copter?

But just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon a bunch of smelly, nerd, bikers’ plan? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Episode 102: National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1

Mon, 22 Jul 2024 06:30:00 GMT

“Don’t slate broccoli”

The panel of peril stub out their cigarette, cigar, and pipe under the heel of their cowboy boot and head into a convenience store that is showing this week’s film, Loaded Weapon 1 (Gene Quintano, 1993), for some reason.

Detectives Colt (Emilio Estevez) and Luger (Samuel L Jackson) are the prototypical chalk + cheese = dynamite buddy cop team. Colt is a tortured soul who dines on microwave burritos and laments the loss of his precious dog Claire. Luger is the family man who dines on take out pizza ‘round the table with his ‘loving’ family. Can they unravel the mystery of the Wilderness Girls cookies, and discover General Mortars (William Shatner) and Mr. Jigsaw (Tim Curry)’s wicked plan?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ET5XJqPAW0

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

The dastardly duo is seeking a microfilm that contains the recipe to disguise delicious cocaine as delicious cookies. As schemes go, it’s a bit of a doozy, and Mortars has no compunction about sending helicopters and bazookas and men dressed as girl scouts after his enemies (and eating piranhas).

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon the Mortars’ cookie-laundering plan? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Episode 101: Mission Impossible

Mon, 15 Jul 2024 06:30:00 GMT

“De Palma knows, the old saying goes”

Our name is Possible, Mission: Impossible, license to watch the film Mission: Impossible directed by cinematic genius Brian De Palma (1996). And that my friends is our impossible mission (impossible). And we did it.

An elite IMF team led by Jim Phelps (Jon Voight) has come a serious cropper trying to secure a non-official cover (NOC) list, which could potentially reveal the entire Impossible Mission Force’s workforce, locations, and names. The team are double-crossed in Prague eliminating Sarah (Kristin Scott Thomas), Jack (Emilio Estevez) et al leaving just Ethan (Tom Cruise) and Claire (Emmanuelle Beart) standing. Disavowed and on the run, can they swipe the real NOC list and discover the mole?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ohws8y572KE

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

It’s Phelps and his femme fatale wife Claire, darn it all! A cat and mouse game ensues, spanning from the CIA’s headquarters in Langley, to the Channel Tunnel rail line that runs beneath the English Channel. Time is not on Ethan’s side as the IMF, led by Kittridge (Henry Czerny), hunt Hunt down as he engages in a potentially deadly game of brinkmanship in attempting to forge the sale of the NOC list to arms dealer Max (Vanessa Redgrave) in order to draw out the Lando of the team. Yes, it is quite complicated to keep track of it all!

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie? How can they improve upon Phelps’s evil plot? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Whit's The Script vs Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

Mon, 08 Jul 2024 06:32:42 GMT

“If you’ve got a better way to do it, I’d like to hear it”

The panel of peril are dancing down the street stark naked, with only conveniently placed every-day items covering their ghoulies and that. They got the idea, and carefully choreographed it, from this week’s film Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (Jay Roach, 1997). This week, they are joined by Craig from Whit’s The Script podcast!

Arch enemies Austin Powers (Mike Myers) and Dr. Evil (Mike Myers) are inexorably linked, as so many arch enemies are. So when Dr. Evil has himself frozen in swinging 1967, Austin is obliged to follow suit, both thawing out 30 years hence in the responsible 90s. Both have adjustments to make, Austin with the help of Vanessa Kensington (Elizabeth Hurley) and Basil Exposition (Michale York), and the good (evil) Doctor with Number Two (Robert Wagner) and Frau Farbissina (Mindy Sterling).

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vsANcS4Ml8

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Conspiring to steal an arsenal of nuclear weapons and hold the world to ransom – for one million dollars – Austin and Vanessa are in a race against time to stop the world going kablooey! But will the horny, randy, sexy superspy be able to resist the charms of a beautiful, and deadly, army of Fembots? Not likely if I know Powers, hahahahahahaha… He might though.

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon Dr. Evil’s high-stakes plan? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Episode 100: Independence Day

Mon, 01 Jul 2024 06:30:00 GMT

“Like an alien Kinder Egg”

The panel of peril are playing chess in the park with their father and losing badly, very sad. They are interrupted by an enormous screen descending from the heavens covering the city that they are currently in in its entirety. Fortunately, the giant screen is showing this week’s film Independence Day (Roland Emmerich, 1996). Huzzah!

Steven Hiller (Will Smith), David Levinson (Jeff Goldblum) and Thomas J. Whitmore (Bill Pullman) are the original odd triple. One’s a hot shot, top gun fighter pilot, one’s a nerd, and t’other is President of the United States!!! But when aliens arrive on Earth without ringing ahead to check it’s okay first, our triptych of colossal talent will need to come together to expel those inconvenient visitors.

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1E7h3SeMDk

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Yes, rather like an uninvited visitor who rinses you of your secret stash of foie gras and cognac, these off world interlopers plan to strip the plant – our god damn planet – of all its resources leaving us humans either bereft or dead. Not on the USA’s watch, buckos. Galvanising the entire planet against this deadly incursion, will endure or will those awful, awful martians have their tentacles raised in victory?

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon the aliens’ planet-knackering plan? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Episode 99: One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest

Mon, 24 Jun 2024 06:30:00 GMT

“Ya been cream pied”

The panel of peril are out shooting some hoops, only stopping to berate their teammates for their lack of reflexes and general playing skill. Giving up they retire to the indoor communal area to watch this week’s film One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest (Milos Forman, 1975).

McMurphy (Jack Nicholson) is a ne’er-do-well with a cunning scheme to serve out the remainder of his prison sentence in a mental health institution. Once safely ensconced in his new abode, McMurphy becomes chummy with his fellow patients: Billy (Brad Dourif), Cheswick (Sydney Lassick), Chief (Will Sampson) and aaaaalll the rest. But his plan for the easy life and swift release soon hits a roadblock in the form of Nurse Ratched (Louise Fletcher).

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXrcDonY-B8

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Ratched is a bit of an ol’ passive aggressive, control freak sort, you see. The majority of her patients are voluntary, yet she rules over them with an iron fist – controlling every aspect of their daily routines, and by extension their lives. Can McMurphy escape the confines of his prison by a different name, or does the good nurse have his number?

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon the evil scheme? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Episode 98: Batman - Mask of the Phantasm

Mon, 17 Jun 2024 06:30:00 GMT

“Tia Carrera’s career was ruined by Tia Maria”

Sweaty-browed and cramped of hand, the Panel of Peril draw furiously in real-time each and every frame of this week’s film Batman: Mask of the Phantasm (Bruce Timm and Eric Radomski, 1993). Soon they shall break for a feast of marshmallows; they have earned it.

Bruce Wayne (Kevin Conroy) has lived with the trauma of his parents’ death since he was a young boy. Andrea Beaumont (Dana Delany) has lived with the trauma of her father’s death since she and Bruce had a whirlwind romance and brief engagement. When a mysterious figure known only as the Phantasm (Stacy Keach) begins to haunt both Batman and the men associated with Andrea’s father it will lead them down a path that they may never recover from.

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PK5CYZlHMA

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Beaumont Sr. made a deal with the mob and it eventually cost him his life. Conveniently enough a member of Gotham’s mob at the time was arch Bat-nemesis The Joker (Mark Hamill), so get him in there! Can Batman unmask the Phantasm before they exact terrible revenge, and what will be the cost on his fragile psyche?

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How the heckins can they improve upon this week’s scheme? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

WWE’s Bray Wyatt reveals The Fiend here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Kza7j4aae4

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Episode 97: Mulholland Drive

Mon, 10 Jun 2024 06:30:00 GMT

“She had the longest neck in the history of actors”

The Peril of Peril arrive in Los Angeles, bright eyed and bushy-tailed. Everyone loves them because they’re brilliant, and they make fast friends with an amnesiac who tells them to watch this week’s film Mulholland Drive (David Lynch, 2001). A Cowboy watches them as they watch the film.

Betty (Naomi Watts) is an actress who is sure to feature on all the hottest casting lists in LA. She is great. But when she gets drawn into the mystery surrounding the amnesiac ‘Rita’ (Laura Harring), the twosome find themselves struggling to comprehend a world filled with missing cash, put upon mafiosos, blue keys, a put upon movie director (Justin Theroux), a diner named Winkie’s, a club named Silencio, and a calmly intimidating Cowboy (Monty Montgomery).

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbZJ487oJlY

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

What happens next is famously open to interpretation. Revealing a new set of characters, near identical in appearance, over 90 minutes in, again played by Watts and Harring, hints that perhaps everything was a dream until that point, or perhaps they are doppelgangers, or whatever you would like it to be. You really do need to see it for yourself, and come to your own conclusion, folks.

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon the evil scheme? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

KJ & A Podcast vs. Ready Player One

Mon, 03 Jun 2024 06:30:00 GMT

“Talladega Nights gets a lot better after you've seen Rise of Skywalker, that's for sure”

The Panel of Peril run and gun all your favourite film and video games characters in one fluid motion, before removing their VR headset in order to watch this week’s film. That film is Ready Player One (Steven Spielberg, 2018), and they are joined by Kevin and Jason from KJ & A Podcast!

Wade Watts (Tye Sheridan) is just like most people in the year 2045; he gets through the day any way he can before escaping to the virtual reality of the OASIS to enact his fantasies. But when the now-deceased VR creator Halliday (Mark Rylance) challenges the players to find his hidden easter egg, and gain control of the OASIS, the virtual race is on – and it will be fought to the literal death.

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSp1dM2Vj48

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Nicolas Sorrento (Ben Mendelsohn) plans to find the egg for his own nefarious ends. He will monetise the OASIS, restricting access for those on the lowest incomes, thereby turning a dream playground into a corporate nightmare. Starring the likes of (friend of the pod) Batman, Chun Li, Chucky and Mecha Godzilla, RP1 is certainly a film with lots of stuff to point at when you spot it.

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon Sorrento’s OASIS-hijacking plan? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Kris Tapley (50 MPH) vs. Speed 2: Cruise Control

Mon, 27 May 2024 06:30:00 GMT

“It’s like a meet-cute for two people who already met some time ago”

The Panel of Peril go to the travel agents to book themselves a lovely holiday. Their conditions for travel are thus: nice weather, entertainment provided by British reggae band, and strictly no terrorists. While the agent searches for the ideal trip, they watch this week’s film Speed 2: Cruise Control (Jan De Bont, 1997). Peering over their shoulder to join in the watch party is this week’s guest, Kris Tapley from the 50MPH Pod!

How can kind of a similar thing happen to the same person twice? That’s the question Annie Porter (Sandra Bullock) asks herself as she and latest beau Alex Shaw (Jason Patric) fall foul of a bad guy’s evil scheme. But instead of a fairly high-speed bus, John Geiger (Willem Dafoe) has taken (cruise) control of a luxury liner for his own nefarious ends.

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lnvvh9PLWGQ

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Geiger has an axe to grind with the cruise operators who left him with copper poisoning and sent him packing once he had designed the ship’s computer systems. Well, you would, wouldn’t you? He plans to divert the Seabourn Legend off course and into the path of an oil tanker, bringing the passengers’ lives to an explosive end.

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie? How can they improve upon Geiger’s evil plot? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Father Ted’s version of Speed 3 is previewed here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSstu2tzrng

Chris Jericho’s Rock ‘n’ Wrestling Rager At Sea is previewed here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6WUFc_8MFw

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Jesse Hawken (Junk Filter) vs. Nothing But Trouble

Mon, 20 May 2024 06:30:00 GMT

“Mr. Bond, you appear with the tedious inevitability of an unloved season”

The Panel of Peril saunter through a small mining town in their fancy BMW, before being inexplicably arrested for not stopping at an intersection. Swiftly tried and convicted, they are sentenced to watch this week’s movie Nothing But Trouble (Dan Aykroyd, 1991). They are joined in this gross punishment by this week’s guest, Jesse Hawken from the Junk Filter Pod!

Chris Thorne (Chevy Chase) is a financial publisher who just wants to impress solicitor Diane Lightson (Demi Moore) by driving her, and two Brazilian wackos, to Atlantic City. Taking an unforeseen detour, they wind up in Valkenvania, a mining town that has fallen on hard times, and fall foul of local cop Dennis (John Candy) and decrepit Judge Valkenheiser (Aykroyd).

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbvIjtP7lxE

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Seeking reparations for a dodgy deal he was sold years ago, the JP is a twisted ghoul of a man with a literal rollercoaster death machine, and a lethal funhouse awaiting anyone who crosses him – especially bankers. Therefore, he has a vested interest in punishing the high-flying Chris and chums when they wind up in his courthouse. It’s a comedy guys; but not as we know it!

What did the heck panel think of this week’s movie? How in all that is holy can they improve upon Judge Valkenheiser’s masterplan? And which evil schemer will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

The (brutal) Roast of Chevy Chase can be viewed here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CG4W0OfzJjM

The German trailer for Valkenvania can be seen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RGBvBsgc8E

An excellent documentary on the town that Valkenvania (and Silent Hill) was based on can be viewed here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Lftblcp0Ns&t=8soutube.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Matt Spectro (Thru The Multiverse) vs. Krull

Mon, 13 May 2024 06:51:14 GMT

“Is he just horny?”

The Panel of Peril climb a big ol’ mountain to claim a mythical prize to aid them in their epic quest. That prize is a DVD of this week’s film; that quest is to watch that DVD, which is this week’s film Krull (Peter Yates, 1983). Upon climbing back down the mountain, they are met well by this week’s guest panel member, Matt Spectro!

Prince Colwyn (Ken Marshall) and Lyssa (Lysette Anthony) are happily betrothed to be married, after which they will rule over the planet Krull, presumably with a lavender fist. Their son is also prophesied to rule over the galaxy, and so they, as you can imagine, are absolutely delighted. But the arrival of a warlord known as The Beast (Tim Dry/Trevor Martin) and his army puts the kibosh on their destinies.

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndpV6qfQJVw

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Gathering a band of merry men/fellowship as they traverse the countryside of Krull, Prince Colwyn, Torquil (Alun Armstrong), Ergo (David Battley) and a kindly Cyclops (Bernard Bresslaw) march on The Beast’s teleporting castle. He means to take Lyssa’s hand in marriage himself, and therefore rule the galaxy by proxy. Will Colwyn and the gang be able to locate the Black Fortress in time to stop him?

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon The Beast’s prophecy-hijacking plan? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Episode 96: Event Horizon

Mon, 06 May 2024 06:30:00 GMT

“Surprise! Butcher’s hook up your nostril”

The Panel of Peril start creepily speaking Latin, wield small, sharp weapons at one another, but thankfully stop short of gouging their own eyes out. They’ll be needing those to watch this week’s film Event Horizon (Paul WS Anderson, 1997).

The crew of the Lewis & Clark are your typical blue-collar bunch. Miller (Laurence Fishburne), Starck (Joely Richardson), Smith (Sean Pertwee) are not best pleased when they are sent on a shaggy dog mission to recover the long-lost mega-ship the Event Horizon. The ship’s creator Weir (Sam Neill) is along for the ride, much to the crew’s chagrin, but where has the Horizon been all these years?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nlkEY-3CMI

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Well… Weir explains that the ship has the ability to fold the universe in on itself, and so it turns out that it has been in… Hell! And now it wants the crew of the Lewis & Clark dead, manipulating Weir as its henchman of destruction. Can the guys and gals better their inner demons, actual demons, and BOMBS, and escape with their souls intact?

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie? How can they improve upon an evil spaceship’s scheme? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Music: https://pixabay.com/music/pulses-007-bond-more-on-spotify-bruno-magic-148987/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Episode 95: The Man With The Golden Gun

Mon, 29 Apr 2024 06:30:00 GMT

“That's what you get for inviting audience participation”

The Panel of Peril slip out of their wet clothes and into a dry martini, before taking a pew to watch this week’s film The Man With The Golden Gun (Guy Hamilton, 1974).

Has James Bond (Roger Moore) met his match in the charming, villainous and charmingly villainous Francisco Scaramanga (Christopher Lee)? As the world’s best secret agent (that’s Bond) and the world’s most expensive assassin are pitted against one another, can 007 stop the world being held to ransom by the selling of Scaramanga’s nefarious Solex solar power? Perish the thought.

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gF5fr3Zhi7E

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

There’s also the small matter of Scaramanga sending Bond a bullet that literally has his name on it! If I know James Bond, he’s not going to stand for that! And he doesn’t, so I am right! Culminating in a memorable funhouse duel on Scaramanga’s secret island lair, Bond will also have to contend with devious manservant cum gamesmaster Nick Nack (Herve Villechaize) in his fight for survival.

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie? How can they improve upon Scaramanga’s scheme? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Alice Cooper’s rejected theme tune can be heard here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMKPTSE14tY

Sound effect: https://pixabay.com/sound-effects/spy-game-56943/

Sound effect: https://pixabay.com/sound-effects/malathion-85943/

Music: https://pixabay.com/music/bossa-nova-dream-by-dreams-143531/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Episode 94: Bram Stoker's Dracula

Mon, 22 Apr 2024 06:30:00 GMT

“You simply must introduce me to that pile of rats”

The panel of peril down a big glass of red wine and eat a plate of delicious, steamed broccoli and roasted garlic before taking in this week’s film Bram Stoker’s Dracula (Francis Ford Coppola, 1992).

Count Dracula (Gary Oldman) is an elderly gent rattling around in his large home, pining after his lost love Elisabeta (Winona Ryder). When solicitor Jonathon Harker (Keanu Reeves) turns up at his gaff to seal a London property deal, he sees that Harker’s bride to be Mina Murray (also Ryder) is the reincarnation of his centuries dead love. Can the Count win the heart of Murray or will Harker wed her as planned?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgFPIh5mvNc

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

He’s a vampire! Blah! Dracula has travelled oceans of time to find Mina and nothing will stop him from being with her now. Snacking on her best friend Lucy (Sadie Frost), avoiding blood expert Abraham Van Helsing (Anthony Hopkins) and manipulating henchman Renfield (Tom Waits), it seems as though ol’ Drac has every base covered. Will he make off with a new bride, or will a stake be put through his ambitions?

What the actual flip did the panel make of this one? How the actual flip can they improve upon Count Dracula’s bloody scheme? And who the actual flip will be victorious in this week’s competition?

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Episode 93: Oldboy

Mon, 15 Apr 2024 06:30:00 GMT

“A haiku?”

Fighting their way past a load of goons, down a narrow corridor, the panel of peril struggle to make any headway. Finally finishing off the last of the lads (no laughing at the back there!), they slump in their chair exhausted and watch this week’s film Oldboy (Park Chan-wook, 2003).

Oh Dae-su (Choi Min-sik) is a bit of a d-bag. A drunken, irresponsible, womanising d-bag, to be specific. When he is inexplicably locked up in a single room for 15 years, by a cash-rich lad named Lee Woo-jin (Yoo Ji-tae) as it turns out, he changes his ways and becomes a stoic killing machine. Why was he imprisoned, and just how does new flame Mi-do (Kang Hye-jeong) fit into this intricate puzzle?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBNBpNcuQHI

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Turns out that during their time at Evergreen, Dae-su started a scurrilous rumour that Woo-jin was having an incestuous affair with his own sister Soo-ah (Yoon Jin-seo). That rumour snowballed to the point that Soo-ah took her own life and led her broken-hearted brother on a path of long game vengeance. To tell all would be a spoiler too far. Who will come out on top of this tragic tussle and what will be left of them?

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon Woo-jin’s deliberate machinations? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Episode 92: Unforgiven

Mon, 08 Apr 2024 06:30:00 GMT

“Here lies Will Carling, the rugby guy who sh@gg3d Diana”

The panel of peril try to wrangle their pigs into the pigpen but repeatedly fall over and get all muddy. They shower off at the water hole and decide to watch a film instead: Unforgiven (Clint Eastwood, 1992).

1880: Ex-outlaw Bill Munny (Eastwood) was a bad, bad man before settling down and becoming a family man. He’d happily off women and children in his pursuit of dough alongside buddy Ned Logan (Morgan Freeman), and now he is drawn back into that world by the Schofield Kid (Jaimz Woolvet). Pursuing a bounty put on the heads of two lads who have scarred up a sex worker’s face. Will Munny claim the bounty? One man stands in his way – unscrupulous Sheriff Little Bill (Gene Hackman).

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftTX4FoBWlE

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Little Bill is no fan of bounty hunters, gun slingers, ‘n’ outlaws. Just as quickly as they arrive in the town of big Whiskey, Bill is kicking the tar out of them and sending them on their merry way. Will Bill, Ned and the Kid be able to circumnavigate the control freak lawman, and will the claiming of the bounty cost them more than they stand to gain?

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Episode 91: Napoleon Dynamite

Mon, 01 Apr 2024 06:30:00 GMT

“He's not rump; he's tripe”

The panel of peril finish inspecting the last of the cow’s udders on the farm they’re working on and head home to watch this week’s film Napoleon Dynamite (Jared Hess, 2004).

Napoleon (Jon Heder) is a typical teen: he lives with his Grandma (Sandy Martin), brother Kip (Aaron Ruell), and an alpaca named Tina. He enjoys doing sweet jumps on bikes, sketching mythical creatures of his own creation, and catching delicious bass’ for romantic targets. But when Uncle Rico (Jon Gries) moves in, it really puts the liger amongst the pigeons.

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHDi_AnqwN4

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Old Rico isn’t a massive fan of Napoleon. He mocks him to his face, and throws a steak in his face… probably also makes fun of his face off screen. He’s also stuck in the past and desperate to make moolah by any means necessary, whether that be by selling shoddy Tupperware, herbal enhancers, or simply investing in the nascent science of time travel.

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie? How can they improve upon Rico’s cash grabbing scheme? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Peluca: the original Napoleon Dynamite short film can be seen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SeTfcj3UKI

Finally! PORTABLE chopsticks: https://zenminded.uk/products/snow-peak-wabuki-chopsticks-large

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Episode 90: Highlander

Mon, 25 Mar 2024 07:30:00 GMT

“Can we all agree now that it makes more sense than Kurgan being Ric Flair in a carpark'”

The panel of peril stand about a bit as a battle rages around them; no one will fight them for some reason. As they are clearly too ‘ard for the other combatants, they head home to watch this week’s film Highlander (Russell Mulcahy, 1986).

Connor Macleod (Christopher Lambert) can only be killed by the act of decapitation (preferably by sword). He is a member of an exclusive band of centuries-old Immortals who await the Gathering, at which they will fight to the end, and after which there can be only one. Guided by mentor Ramirez (Sean Connery), can Macleod survive to the bitter end and take out arch-nemesis The Kurgan (Clancy Brown)?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omOZyLmNMJs

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

The Kurgan is out for more than just the world domination his final victory would surely guarantee. He wants revenge for the scar Connor’s mentor gave him across the length of his neck, a constant reminder of his near defeat. Each man cuts a swathe through the other Immortals as they march towards a final confrontation in New York City and the prize of The Quickening!

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie? How can they improve upon The Kurgan’s bulldozer-style plan? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

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Nemonie Craven vs. Muppet Treasure Island

Mon, 18 Mar 2024 07:30:00 GMT

“Sh!t happens, wocka wocka!”

The panel of peril take a chunk a meat from the salt barrel, a tot of rum from the rum barrel, and a film from the DVD barrel. That film is Muppet Treasure Island (Brian Henson, 1996), and we settle in to watch with this week’s special guest Nemonie Craven!

Jim Hawkins (Kevin Bishop) has in his possession a certain map. That map leads to a certain island. A treasure island, in fact. Flanked by Gonzo (Dave Goelz) and Rizzo (Steve Whitmere) they embark on the good ship Hispaniola to find this mysterious isle. Captained by the ‘fiery’ Kermit the Frog (also Steve Whitmere), will the ship sail true to treasure, or is there villainy afoot?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-37gsH0ideE

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Also aboard is Long John Silver (Tim Curry) who befriends young Jim in order to get his mucky mits on the precious map. Will the youngster and his felt friends stay one step ahead of the one-legged ne’er-do-well, or will Jim and the gang be cast into the briny for their troubles?

What did the panel think of this week’s movie? How can they improve upon the villain’s masterplan? And what book does Nemonie think would benefit from the Muppet treatment?

A taster of Grand Theft Hamlet: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5d9wdw-usk

A link for Marlow’s Landing: Marlow's Landing: A John Murray Original (JM Originals): Amazon.co.uk: Vieira, Toby: 9781473633179: Books

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Episode 89: Dario Argento's Phenomena

Mon, 11 Mar 2024 07:30:00 GMT

“It’s a range war – you’re kicking that chimp to death”

The panel of peril have just missed their bus and are stranded in the middle of a lonely, windy mountain range. Fortunately, there’s a creepy abandoned house nearby which they settle into to watch this week’s film Phenomena (Dario Argento, 1985).

Jennifer (Jennifer Connelly) is an American girl currently taking residence at an all-girls school in Switzerland. Not only that, but she has a psychic connection with the insect world, and moreover loves the little buggers. Sadly, there is a lunatic murderer around the grounds of the school, picking off girls and women seemingly at random. Help is at hand though in the form of wheelchair bound forensic bug expert Professor John (Donald Pleasance) and his chimpanzee nurse Inga (Tanga).

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upUJetCHYFc

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

The murderer(s) turn out to be none other than school ma’am Frau Bruckner (Daria Nicolodi) along with her gerbil-faced, freak of a son who has many a crazy thought, I can tell you. Once they manage to capture our young heroine, who or what can possibly save her? The INSECTS?!!! The CHIMPANZEE!!?!! Time/watching the film will tell…

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon Bruckner’s loopy machinations? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

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Episode 88: The Night Comes For Us

Mon, 04 Mar 2024 07:30:00 GMT

“You’re like a podcasting Nostradamus”

The panel of peril are absolutely battering each other – limbs, teeth and shoes are flying hither and thither. They stop and think ‘actually this is awfully silly of us, let’s watch a film instead.’ And they do; this week’s treat The Night Comes For Us (Timo Tjahjanto, 2018).

Ito (Joe Taslim) is a member of the elite Six Seas group who look after smuggling routes across Asia for the Triad. But when a sudden attack of conscience sees him turn on his brethren to save a young girl named Reina (Asha Kenyeri Bermudez) he finds himself on the run from the Six Seas at the command of Chien Wu (Sunny Pang) and his handpicked replacement Arian (Iko Uwais).

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfSisHrUTLM

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Ito believes that the safety of Reina will lend his life a meaning that it has lacked until this point, consisting mainly of wiping out villages full of civilians and wotnot. Awe-inspiringly violent and with some tremendous fight choreography for the leads, TNCFU is a must-see entry into the recent wave of Indonesian action thrillers.

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon the Six Seas’ quest for revenge? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

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Episode 87: The Naked Gun

Mon, 26 Feb 2024 07:30:00 GMT

“I know you think of yourself as a Mark Wahlberg-type character”

The panel of peril wipe the unsightly chunk of banana off the side of their mouth and slip into something more comfortable to watch this week’s film The Naked Gun (David Zucker, 1988).

Police Squad’s finest, Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), is tasked with investigating an attack on Det. Nordberg (OJ Simpson) just as the city is expecting a huge visit from Queen Elizabeth II (Jeannette Charles). Questioning local property magnate Vincent Ludwig (Ricardo Montalban) leads Drebin down a path that sees both events intertwine and begin a relationship with his assistant, the delightful Jane Spencer (Priscilla Presley).

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S476PqNJkPM

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Jane digs up some startling info on her boss. Not only is he trafficking illegal goods through the city docks, but he has cut a sweet deal to have the Queen assassinated. His method? Mind control. His hitman? A baseball player, during a game that her Maj will be in attendance for! Can our incredible investigator find which player has their sights set on Queenie, or will Ludwig succeed and become slightly richer than he is already is?

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie? How can they improve upon Ludwig’s regicidal plan? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Here’s that bit from Police Squad that Ben mentioned: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8PZFQz-qmo

And Gaz and Craig's appearance on the Fandomentals podcast: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2Mno0arNicnZmgVGaMLz8c?si=fXd6t0bTRTOSVWJh0LY28Q

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Episode 86: Beverly Hills Cop

Mon, 19 Feb 2024 07:30:00 GMT

“Where are The Beverly Hillbillies during this?”

The panel of peril just about make it home, despite the banana up their tailpipe (fnar, fnar), in their battered old automobile. Just in time to check out this week’s film Beverly Hills Cop (Martin Brest, 1984).

Detroit cop Axel Foley (Eddie Murphy) is a streetwise, proverbial good cop who knows how to collar a perp. Unfortunately, his friend Mikey falls foul of Beverly Hills bad sod Victor Maitland (Steven Berkoff) and tastes hot lead at the hands of scary henchman Zack (Jonathan Banks). Looks like a trip to sunny B Hills is on the itinerary for Axel F!

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oc3sPICXZLs

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

At first falling foul of Detective Rosewood (Judge Reinhold) and Sergeant Taggart (John Ashton), Axel slowly makes inroads to finding out what Victor’s beef with Mikey was. Cocaine and bearer bonds are being smuggled through his high-class art dealership, more than enough to nail his British bottom to the wall. Can Axel convince the Beverly Hills PD to help him do so, though?

Did this week’s film fill the panel with nostalgic cheer? Could they find a way to improve Victor’s money-grubbing plan? And who will be named this week’s most diabolical (person/podcast((er)))?

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Episode 85: Seven

Mon, 12 Feb 2024 07:30:00 GMT

“You can only have one muppet in it – that’s a dealbreaker”

The panel of peril put away their copy of Gun Owners Weekly, clean up, and settle down in the soft neon light of their oversized crucifix to watch this week’s film Se7en (David Fincher, 1995).

Detectives Somerset (Morgan Freeman) and Mills (Brad Pitt) are the original chalk and cheese: one is a jaded, cynical veteran, the other a cocky, optimistic newcomer to the nameless city they operate in. But when a deranged person themes a series of murders around the seven deadly sins, can Mills and Somerset come together to crack the case and both become cheese (or chalk, I suppose)?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=znmZoVkCjpI

********PLOT 5POILER AL3RT********

Shockingly handing himself in to the police and revealing himself to be John Doe (Kevin Spacey), the killer’s true purpose will only revealed during an explosive conclusion that pushes the detectives to the very edge of their sanity.

What the actual flip did the panel make of this one? How the actual flip can they improve upon John Doe’s criminally insane scheme? And who the actual flip will be victorious in this week’s competition?

A short comic by Craig and Gaz wherein John Cena plays Brad PItt's role in Se7en: https://gorillapress123.wordpress.com/2016/05/08/gorilla-press-presents-one-shot-se7en-starring-john-cena/ss.com)

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Episode 84: Gladiator

Mon, 05 Feb 2024 07:30:00 GMT

“I know you're being light-hearted, but baguettes are way stronger than a sausage roll”

‘Are you not entertained!’ scream the panel of peril at their slack-jawed neighbours, wearing just a comical pair of white y-fronts. They are entertained; very much so. With that, they pick up their bottle of milk and head inside to watch this week’s film Gladiator (Ridley Scott, 2000).

General Maximus (Russell Crowe) has it all – sweet fur cape, legion of dudes fighting at his side, and a family waiting for his safe return from war. He too has the favour of Roman Caesar Marcus Aurelias (Richard Harris) which may prove to be his undoing, as Commodus (Joaquin Phoenix) has a serious case of the green-eyed monster for his father’s position. Will the cowardly and jealous Commodus accede to Caesar’s will and allow Maximus to lead Rome, or does he have something altogether more diabolical planned? ((Yes) to the second bit))

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BLZbrLogTo

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Commodus decides the simplest course of action is to simply kill his own father, assume the role of Caesar, have Maximus and his entire family killed – Bob’s your Uncle, Fanny’s your Aunt. There’s just one problem: Maximus does not take kindly to his attempted murder, and kills his would-be killers instead! A series of unfortunate events sees the Spaniard enslaved, eventually arriving back in Rome as a gladiator of some renown. Are Commodus’ days numbered, or can he finish off his nemesis for good? ((Yes) to the first bit))

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon Commodus’ campaign of murderous intent? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

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Episode 83: Dungeons & Dragons - Honor Among Thieves

Mon, 29 Jan 2024 07:30:00 GMT

“Magic Michael is my father. You can call me Magic Mike”

The panel of peril roll 2 D20s, snake eyes. They roll again: snake eyes. They roll for a third time – snake eyes. The hell with this, they collectively groan and instead switch on this week’s film Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (Jonathan Goldstein and John Francis Daley, 2023).

A merry band of thieves comprising bard Edgin (Chris Pine), barbarian Holga (Michelle Rodriguez) and mage Simon (Justice Smith) set course for Neverwinter in order to retrieve Edgin's daughter and head off for some precious loot. But, in a shocking twist, former gang members Forge (Hugh Grant) and Sofina (Daisy Head) block their progress at every turn. What ever shall they do?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IiMinixSXII

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Forge may think that he is the one in charge as the ruler of Neverwinter, but it is actually Sofina whose scheme is truly diabolical. She plans to utilise the High Sun Games to create an army of undead in order to rule with an iron fist over all races. Oh my bloody God! If there’s anyone ill-equipped to fight such a scourge, then it’s surely a ragtag gang of losers. Or is iiiiiiiiiiiiiiit?

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon the Sofina’s duplicitous masterplan? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Sound Effect from Pixabay

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Episode 82: Ghostbusters

Mon, 22 Jan 2024 07:30:00 GMT

“A heavy rain of chow mein”

Does busting, as the old saying goes, make you feel good? The panel of peril are here to answer this question and much more besides as they take on this week’s film, Ghostbusters (Ivan Reitman, 1984).

Peter (Bill Murray), Ray (Dan Aykroyd) and Egon (Harold Ramis) are three down on their luck university researchers of the paranormal. Just as all manner of ghostly activities begins to kick off, they get canned from their residency at Columbia! When life gives you lemons you gotta set up a business to capture ghosts to earn a bit of bunce. But just why is New York being overrun with ghouls, ghosts, spirits and goblins?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hDkhw5Wkas

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

It might have something to do with the return of demi-god Gozer the Gozerian (Slavitza Joven), hellbent on the destruction of mankind. In fact it does. That’s the reason. Joined by Winston (Ernie Hudson) and special clients Dana (Sigourney Weaver) and Louis (Rick Moranis), they face the fight of their lives in the form of the destructor: the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie? How can they improve upon a demi-god’s destructive plan? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Music: Vintage Movie - Pixabay

Music: Spooky And Funny - Pixabay

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Episode 81: Dr. Who And The Daleks

Mon, 15 Jan 2024 07:30:00 GMT

“It’s the Caesar’s Palace of that particular planet”

The panel of peril knit themselves a multi-coloured scarf, put on the scarf and watch this week’s film, Dr. Who And The Daleks (Gordon Flemyng, 1965), whilst being uncomfortably hot in the scarf.

Eccentric inventor Dr. Who (Peter Cushing) has just invented a contabulous fabtraption named TARDIS. A jolly complicated machine that can travel through time and space. But when granddaughter Susan (Roberta Tovey), Ian (Roy Castle), and Barbara (Jennie Linden) alight the dashing blue police box they are whisked away to the Dalek home planet of Skaro! Oooooops.

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFM2xAkD1y8

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

A war between the Daleks and the Thal has left their planet barren, and the Daleks themselves confined to their famous metal casings. Concocting a plan to lure the Thal into their city to steal their anti-radiation formula, the Daleks believe they have quite the devilish plan. But they didn’t bargain on Dr. Who and the gang rallying the golden skinned Thal into fighting back against their would-be fascist overlords!

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon the Dalek’s final solution? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Sound Effect from Pixabay

Music by Sergio Prosvirini from Pixabay

An article on Panera Lemonade for your information: https://news.sky.com/story/panera-breads-caffeinated-charged-lemonade-drinks-blamed-for-two-deaths-in-us-13023351

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Episode 80: Enter The Dragon

Mon, 08 Jan 2024 07:30:00 GMT

“If it makes sense like I think it makes sense in my head, then we’re onto a winner”

The panel of peril place their bets on their praying mantis of choice, watch it get roundly battered by its mantis opponent, and then stick on this week’s film Enter The Dragon (Robert Clouse, 1973).

Lee (Bruce Lee) is a highly proficient martial artist and disciple of Shaolin. He is yet to encounter a man he can not defeat or school. So who better to task with bringing down secretive drug lord Han (Kien Shih) than our man in Hong Kong? Entering Han’s martial arts tournament on his private island in order to gain intel, Lee is joined by Vietnam vets Roper (John Saxon) and Williams (Jim Kelly), as they all join the fight for their own reasons.

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81jCPIag4KA

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Further fuelling Lee’s quest is the revelation that Han has a habit of getting the sex workers on his island hooked on opium, and Lee’s own sister took her own life following a brutal battle with Han’s henchmen. Needless to say, somebody needs to have the last laugh – but will that person be the honourable Lee or the brass-handed drug lord Han?

What the actual (back)flip did the panel make of this one? How the actual flip can they improve upon the Han’s dastardly scheme? And who the actual flip will be victorious in this week’s competition?

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Episode 79: So I Married An Axe Murderer

Mon, 01 Jan 2024 07:30:00 GMT

“Why don't you poke your little noodle through 'em then?”

The panel of peril take a glug from a spectacularly large cup of coffee, admire an oversized map of Atlantic City, and focus their gigantic heads on a screen showing this week’s film So I Married An Axe Murderer (Thomas Schlamme, 1993).

Charlie (Mike Myers) is a footloose/fancy-free young chap who has a serious problem with making romantic commitments. But he’s hopeful that his latest beau Harriet (Nancy Travis) will be different. Hopefully she won’t be a member of the Cosa Nostra. Hopefully she won’t smell of soup. He’s at least hopeful enough to introduce her to his loudmouth father Stuart (also played by Myers) and mother May (Brenda Fricker). So there’s that…

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGlyUmq9wE4

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Oh dear, it isn’t long before Charlie finds fault as he suspects that Harriet is actually a black widow who murders her husbands before moving onto her next victim. That’s quite the predicament to be in once the pair are married and honeymooning in a secluded Cluedo-esque hotel. Will Charlie be chopped up into chicken feed, or is there more to this mystery than meets the eye?

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon the axe murderer’s masterplan? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Music by Julius H. from Pixabay

Music by Keyframe Audio from Pixabay

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Episode 78: Black Christmas

Mon, 25 Dec 2023 07:30:00 GMT

“Greggs sausage roll, that's the British donut isn't it”

Venturing up into the attic to retrieve some Christmas decorations, the panel of peril get quite the fright: a television that is showing this week’s film Black Christmas (Bob Clark, 1974).

In an unnamed sorority house, Jess (Olivia Hussey), Barb (Margot Kidder), Mrs. Mac (Marian Waldman) et al have a Christmas they will never forget. They receive sinister phone calls and see ominous omens courtesy of the deranged ‘Billy’ who seeks to pick them off one by one. Will any of them survive the (silent) night (holy night), and how does the killer know so much about them all?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6JuJHmVsh4&t=40s

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

The calls are coming from inside the house! Taking up residence in the sorority’s attic, Billy ventures down when it’s safe to pick off the girls one by one, beginning with Clare (Lynne Griffin). Surely it can be just a matter of time until the police, led by Lt. Fuller (John Saxon), trace the call and lead the madman out in cuffs? Just in time for a succulent turducken dinner with lashings of roast potatoes and veg? Yes… surely.

Did this week’s film fill the panel with festive cheer? Could they find a way to improve Billy’s villainous plan? And who will be named this week’s most diabolical (person/podcast((er)))?

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Episode 77: Die Hard 2

Mon, 18 Dec 2023 07:41:42 GMT

“$60 million on quiche?!”

The panel of peril complete their naked tai chi session, have a quick wash around the key areas, and watch this week’s film Die Hard 2 (Renny Harlin, 1990).

How can the same stuff happen to the same panel two years in a row? John McClane (Bruce Willis) just wants a quiet Christmas with his wife Holly (Bonnie Bedelia), but a bunch of criminal types have other ideas. Led by Thornberg (William Atherton), a group of mercs seek to rescue General Esperanza (Franco Nero) during the course of his extradition flight, after which he is due to stand trial. Can our comfy jumper-wearing hero save the day again?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvHp7xJZ4_U

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Little do McClane and the crew know that Esperanza also has Major Grant (John Amos) and an elite US Army squadron onside, aiding his escape. Once that first flight is grounded, they’re getting on another flight – destination? Paradise, baby. Paradise. With the odds stacked against him, this is surely the end of the top gun cop. Yes siree, no more sequels for McClane, sadly ;)

What the actual flip did the panel make of this one? How the actual flip can they improve upon the villain’s dastardly scheme? And who the actual flip will be victorious in this week’s competition?

Sound Effect by Kamil Kopowski from Pixabay

Sound Effect from Pixabay

Sound Effect by Julius H. from Pixabay

Sound Effect by UNIVERSFIELD from Pixabay

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Episode 76: Guest House Paradiso

Mon, 11 Dec 2023 07:30:00 GMT

“Is Vienetta Italian?”

The panel of peril take a break from slamming each other’s heads inside the fridge door over and over and over again to watch this week’s film: Guest House Paradiso (Adrian Edmondson, 1999).

Richie Twat (Rik Mayall) and Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba (Edmondson) run perhaps the worst guest house on our fair isle. It’s dark, dingy, they’ll steal your belongings, insult you, feed you slop, and are situated adjacent to a nuclear facility. An unexpected guest arrives in Italian starlet Gina Carbonara (Helene Mahieu) bringing not only prestige with her, but troublesome jilted fiancé Gino Bolognese (Vincent Cassel). Two words for you: uh ohhhhhhhhhh!

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNsP8SIRGIs&t=15s

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Arriving on the scene to TAKE the hand of his lover, Gino won’t have any guff from Richie and Eddie, and isn’t shy about letting them know that. Featuring an all-star cast including Simon Pegg, Bill Nighy and Kate Ashfield, Guest House Paradiso is the Bottom spin-off that shows us the true meaning of the phrase ‘don’t eat irradiated fish, because it will make you violently ill’.

Did the panel enjoy this week’s cinematic serving? Could they find a way to improve the villainous plan? And who will be named this week’s most diabolical (person/podcast((er)))?

Music: Upbeat Quirky Background Jazz - Pixabay

Music: The Show Intro - Pixabay

Watch the making of the film here: Guest House Paradiso - Behind The Scenes (youtube.com)

Read all about The Little Mermaid’s phallic castle turret here: https://reelrundown.com/animation/What-You-Didnt-See-HIdden-Disney-Images-The-Little-Mermaid

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Episode 75: Tomorrow Never Dies

Mon, 04 Dec 2023 07:30:00 GMT

“The Antiques Roadshow of terrorism”

The panel of peril don their sharpest suit, take a swig of a vodka martini (shaken not stirred) and sit nonchalantly to watch this week’s film Tomorrow Never Dies (Roger Spottiswoode, 1997).

James Bond (Pierce Brosnan) has got his work cut out for him this time around as he locks horns with weedy media mogul Elliot Carver (Jonathan Pryce). There’s something distinctly shady about this Rupert Murdoch avatar, and M (Judi Dench) wants 007 on the case, pronto! He’ll be joined by Chinese operative Wai Ling (Michelle Yeoh) in trying to take down the delicious villain.

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqrk7-mx2D0

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Old man Carver is a bit of a naughty boy. He’s trying to manufacture a conflict between the UK and China. To do so he utilises the might of his media empire - including newspaper Tomorrow – and also missiles, goons and that. His prize? Exclusive news peddling rights in China. What an absolute heel. Will Bond and Ling be able to stop Carver and avert war, and how will the panel improve on this diabolical scheme?

Did the panel enjoy this week’s cinematic serving? Could they find a way to improve the villainous plan? And who will be named this week’s most diabolical (person/podcast((er)))?

Music by Bruno Magic from Pixabay

Music by Geoff Harvey from Pixabay

Sound Effect from Pixabay

Music by Julius H. from Pixabay

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Episode 74: Laputa - Castle In The Sky

Mon, 27 Nov 2023 07:30:00 GMT

“He is a bit of a patsy. He’s a little b!tch”

The panel of peril settle down with a delicious-looking, open topped, fried egg sandwich to watch this week’s cinematic treat Studio Ghibli’s Castle In The Sky (Hayao Miyazaki, 1986).

Sheeta (Anna Paquin) and Pazu (James Van Der Beek) are two young rapscallions on the hunt for the adventure, primarily centred around Sheeta’s mysterious crystal necklace. That necklace saves her from certain doom several times over and may well lead her to the lost sky city of Laputa and the titular castle. But with sky pirates, the army and the mysterious Muska (Mark Hamill) on their trail will they make it in one piece?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ykEy-yPBFc

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Not only does the necklace lead Sheeta, her friends, and her enemies to Laputa but it has the ability to harness the power of the floating island. Power that Muska – a long lost relative of Sheeta! – wants to harness for his own nefarious ends. There’s also a bunch of really cool robots who have become one with nature to contend with. But who’s magnificent flying machines will travel fast enough to claim the prize first?

Music Inspiring Emotional Uplifting Piano - Pixabay

Music Relaxing Birds and piano music - Pixabay

Everybody gather ‘round and enjoy a nice cool glass of Laputa juice with this tie-in trailer: https://youtu.be/REUvSmsPzlI?si=FWdkANekdxjO_cqD

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Episode 73: Flash Gordon

Mon, 20 Nov 2023 07:30:00 GMT

“The story of forbidden love between a bee and a human woman”

The panel of peril bleach their hair, pump some iron, and get harangued onto a space rocket heading for the distant planet of Mongo! Fortunately, the in-flight movie is Flash Gordon (Mike Hodges, 1980), so there’s that.

Flash (Sam Jones) has it all: hair, muscles, tight t-shart – but when he and erstwhile companion Dale (Melody Anderson) are whisked away and confronted by Ming The Merciless (Max Von Sydow), no amount of muscle tees can save him. Deciding to destroy planet Earth on a mere whim, Ming is the kind of tyrant who demands loyalty from all of his subjects, be they bird men (Brian Blessed) or Errol Flynn types (Timothy Dalton). Can Flash do stuff to stop the thing?! Likely so, yes.

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6uOHnxf85g

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

All Flash has to do to stop the untimely destruction of our byowtiful home planet is unite the warring tribes of Mongo, and break the hold that Ming has over his populace. Should be easy right? WRONG! It will be very, very DIFFICULT because they DO NOT LIKE EACH OTHER! Ha, ha, just like the wars that happen upon our beyoomtiful home planet, amirite? In all seriousness though, he’s got his work cut out for him, has Flash, bigly.

Sound Effect by Aleksandr Karabanov from Pixabay

Sound Effect from Pixabay

Music by Geoff Harvey from Pixabay

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Episode 72: The Room

Mon, 13 Nov 2023 07:30:00 GMT

“It made me bored of sex”

Laughing at nothing in particular, the panel of peril sit down in overly dramatic fashion to watch this week’s cinematic tour de force The Room (Tommy Wiseau, 2003).

Johnny (Wiseau) is such a great guy. Such a great, great guy. He’s going to get a promotion for sure, everyone loves him, his lovemaking technique is top class, and he’s superb at football. But ungrateful harpy of a girlfriend Lucy (Juliette Danielle) doesn’t think so. She thinks he’s a real drag and would rather get it on with Mark (Greg Sestero). That’s it.

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cG_e8k9PILM

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

And get it on with Mark she does, several times, and then Johnny finds out and, well… That would be a spoiler too far. Infamously incompetent in its scripting, direction, and performances, The Room is a must-see for aficionados of bad cinema and fans of those unafraid to try – not matter their competency level.

This episode is dedicated to Sam Steinson.

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Episode 71: The Producers (1967)

Mon, 06 Nov 2023 07:30:00 GMT

“Your eardrums are going to be sh!tting themselves”

The panel of peril take a well-earned break from romancing a wealthy old dear, in order to be gifted a large cheque, naturally, and relax by watching this week’s film The Producers (Mel Brooks, 1967).

Max Bialystock (Zero Mostel) is a producer of the stage whose glory days are far behind him. His rent is in arrears and his main source of income comes from swindling wealthy old ladies of their savings. That is until child-like accountant Leo Bloom (Gene Wilder) discovers that they could make more money producing a flop than a hit. Will they be successful in creating the worst show of the season?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTW2ZSjG5N0

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Selecting a show written by “former” Nazi Franz Liebkind (Kenneth Mars) named Springtime For Hitler, Max and Leo are confident the show will flop. Little do they know that director and star will conspire to turn the show into a camp comedy that the audience warms to surprisingly quickly. Is this the end of our venerable scoundrels hopes of absconding to Rio?

Did the panel enjoy this week’s cinematic serving? Could they find a way to improve the villainous plan? And who will be named this week’s most diabolical (person/podcast((er)))?

Music by Sergei Chetvertnykh from Pixabay

Music by Geoff Harvey from Pixabay

Music by Grand_Project from Pixabay

Music by Yevhen Onoychenko from Pixabay

Sound Effect from Pixabay

Music by Alban_Gogh from Pixabay

Sound Effect by Shiden Beats Music from Pixabay

Music by Julius H. from Pixabay

Music by Broadway Walk from Pixabay

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Episode 70: John Carpenter’s Halloween

Mon, 30 Oct 2023 07:30:00 GMT

“He'd be a YouTube prankster now wouldn't he. Instead of a serial killer”

Pulling the blank featureless mask over their face, the Panel of Peril breath in deeply and out deeper. They consider picking up a kitchen knife, but instead plump for a DVD of this week’s film, John Carpenter’s Halloween (1978).

Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) is an outlier among her group of high school friends. She has no date for the school dance and doesn’t drink or smoke. So, when homicidal maniac Michael Myers (Tony Moran) returns to the her hometown of Haddonfield, her position as a bit of a wet blanket will ensure that she can keep a beady eye fixed on The Shape’s movements.

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5ke9IPTIJQ

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Myers rampages through the town, killing anyone who gets in his way – primarily Laurie’s babysitter friends. Fortunately, Dr. Sam Loomis (Donald Pleasance) is on the case, with his trusty little pistol, and dead set on stopping the boiler suit-wearing bruiser. Will Laurie survive All Hallows Eve, or will Myers run through everyone and go unpunished?

Did the panel enjoy this week’s cinematic serving? Could they find a way to improve the villainous plan? And who will be named this week’s most diabolical (person/podcast((er)))?

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Episode 69: Green Lantern

Mon, 23 Oct 2023 06:30:00 GMT

“Everyone likes a comic on the bog”

The panel of peril dress entirely in green, mutter something about being afraid of something or something, and strap themselves into the Ludovico chair to watch Green Lantern (Martin Campbell, 2011).

Hal Jordan (Ryan Reynolds) is your standard authority-bucking, secretly fearful, movie fighter pilot. His relationship with childhood friends Carol (Blake Lively) and Hector (Peter Sarsgaard) is as strained as his attempts at improvised sass. But when a space alien gives Hal a magic ring that harnesses the power of the colour green… well, you can be sure that a bunch of stuff happens in a serviceable fashion, and no mistake.

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-GO9fo9DtM

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Right, the bad guy is a big cloudy CG fella named Parallax. He can use the power of the colour YELLOW to harness fear, power up and go ham on whoever or whatever he wants! And he wants to go ham on the Green Lantern home planet of Oa and take out the Lantern Corps (all 3600 of them) and the all-knowing Guardians. Will Parallax reign supreme, or will Hal be able to confront his fear, overcome his fear, harness his fear, and defeat the fear that Parallax conjures. For God’s sake, we really, really hope so.

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon the villain’s masterplan? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Music by Luis Humanoide from Pixabay

Music by Grand_Project from Pixabay

Sound Effect from Pixabay

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Episode 68: Body Double

Mon, 16 Oct 2023 06:30:00 GMT

“Although he kills his wife in quite a horrible way, he seems like a nice guy to me”

The Panel of Peril take a break from polishing their telescope: they’ve been going at it hard and their forearms are sore. In that downtime they take in the film of the week: Body Double (Brian De Palma, 1984).

Jake (Craig Wasson) is a down on his luck actor. His role as a vampire in a B movie is threatened by his crippling claustrophobia and his girlfriend is having an affair. At an acting workshop he meets Sam (Gregg Henry), a fellow actor with a plush spare apartment that overlooks the beautiful Gloria’s (Deborah Shelton) abode. What a stroke of luck for Jake! Or is it? A mysterious black-clad “Indian” appears to be stalking Gloria and taunting Jake. But what is his endgame?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMG8V7Am8zI

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Sam’s motives are very much ulterior. He plans to rob/murder Gloria who is actually his wife (!), and has installed a body double in her apartment for Jake to spy on so that Jake can be his alibi… deep breath. No one’s saying it isn’t a convoluted scheme, but it just might work! Can wet-behind-the-ears Jake decipher Sam’s machinations, or will he take the fall for the murderous master of disguise?

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Episode 67: Jaws

Mon, 09 Oct 2023 06:30:00 GMT

“What if a shark got in here and went mad?”

The Panel of Peril abandon their dinghy and run out of the sea screaming at the top of their of their collective lungs! They have an appointment to keep with this week’s film and do not want to be late! Yes, this week they are watching Jaws (Steven Spielberg, 1975).

Chief Brody (Roy Scheider) thinks he’s in for a quiet life as the head of police on the small island of Amity. He’s quickly disabused of that notion when a shark attack threatens both the citizens of Amity and the lifeblood of the island: the tourist industry. Enlisting the help of marine biologist Hooper (Richard Dreyfuss) and salty sea dog Quint (Robert Shaw), the odd trio are in a race against time to stop the Great White from killing again…

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1fu_sA7XhE

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Sad to say that Brody, Hooper and Quint are hindered in their quest by human foe Mayor Vaughan (Murray Hamilton). Refusing to accept that a shark is responsible for the savaged human remains, refusing to close the beaches in the interests of public safety, instructing reluctant citizens to go INTO the water… this son of a gun is a real piece of work. How can our heroes convince him to see sense and make Amity safe once again?

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon the villain’s masterplan? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Sound Effect by Julius H. from Pixabay

Sound Effect from Pixabay

Sound Effect by Sandro Lima from Pixabay

Music by Geoff Harvey from Pixabay

Music by Music Unlimited from Pixabay

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David Quantick vs. Indiana Jones and The Dial of Destiny

Thu, 05 Oct 2023 16:00:00 GMT

“Have we learnt nothing from the history of geology?”

The Panel of Peril rise from their slumber on the living chair, shirtless, and scream at their neighbours to turn that ruddy music down! They have a guest panellist in legendary comedy writer David Quantick (Harry Hill’s TV Burp, The Thick Of It, Danger Mouse, Veep et al), and a film to watch: Indiana Jones and The Dial of Destiny (James Mangold, 2023).

1969: Indy (Harrison Ford) is confronted by the ghosts of his past as goddaughter Helena (Phoebe Waller-Bridge) and Dr. Voller (Mads Mikkelsen) come back into his life. Both seek the mysterious Antikythera, or Archimedes’ Dial, which will either fetch a high price at market or provide Operation Paperclip sorts with the means to change the course of World War 2!

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQfMbSe7F2g

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Voller believes that the Dial possesses the means to travel back in time, and he plans to win the war for the Nazis. How? Seeing him as the weakest link in the master race’s plot for world domination, the good Doctor plans on assassinating one Adolf Hitler! Can he reunite the two halves of the all-powerful antique or will he be foiled by our whip-cracking hero and his latest batch of sidekicks?

What did the panel think of this week’s movie? How can they improve upon the villain’s masterplan? And what song did David Quantick hear Rob Brydon sing during a showbiz party?

Music by Oleg Kirilkov from Pixabay

Music by Geoff Harvey from Pixabay

Sound Effect by Peace,love,happiness from Pixabay

Sound Effect from Pixabay