The Rules

Chloe Petts

Sun, 29 Mar 2026 07:00:00 GMT

Stand-up and writer Chloe Petts helps Simon counter chaos on the streets, the injustice of vending machines and the total mess that is the world wide web.

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Matt Lucas

Sun, 22 Mar 2026 08:00:00 GMT

Comedy legend Matt Lucas joins Simon to sort out the problems of improvised toothpicks, impersonal e-cards and improper exaltation of Nutella.

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Dan Atkinson

Sun, 15 Mar 2026 08:00:00 GMT

Writer, stand-up and producer of Russell Howard's Five Brilliant Things, Dan Atkinson urges Simon to stop people dancing like nobody's watching by drastically reducing the size of human settlements.

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Sam Picone

Sun, 08 Mar 2026 08:00:00 GMT

Stand-up and social media comedian Sam Picone helps Simon come up with rules to make internet users and binmen behave themselves.

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Lorna Rose Treen

Sun, 01 Mar 2026 08:00:00 GMT

Multi-award-winning comedian, writer and actor Lorna Rose Treen invites Simon to consider rules to end the tyranny of tickling and kick-start the next stage of human evolution.

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Steve Hall

Sun, 22 Feb 2026 08:00:00 GMT

Writer and stand-up Steve Hall presents Simon with rules to stop people making spam phone calls, sending intrusive emails and projecting irritating noises.

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Aideen McQueen

Sun, 15 Feb 2026 08:00:00 GMT

Stand-up, writer and actor Aideen McQueen joins Simon to dole out slap-based retribution and ensure that we can all listen in to other people's public phone calls.

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Jake Bhardwaj

Sun, 08 Feb 2026 08:00:00 GMT

Joe Marler Will See You Now and The Pub Quiz Podcast's Jake Bhardwaj joins Simon to keep Dad jokes to the minimum and get his Dad's knowledge of pop culture to the maximum.

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Nick Elleray

Sun, 01 Feb 2026 08:00:00 GMT

Stand-up and writer Nick Elleray employs Simon to give everyone plenty of personal space and a nice quiet life.

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Alfie Dundas

Sun, 25 Jan 2026 08:00:00 GMT

Stand-up and social media star Alfie Dundas coerces Simon into controlling the rich and stupid by testing their contribution to society and forcing those who come up short into combat for our entertainment.

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Samira Banks

Sun, 18 Jan 2026 08:00:00 GMT

Award-winning stand-up Samira Banks inspires Simon to induct rules to control jobsworths and ensure that people put in more effort when they lie.

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Matt Forde

Sun, 11 Jan 2026 08:00:00 GMT

Comedian, broadcaster and impressionist Matt Forde joins Simon to figure out how to stop people being rude to waiters by curtailing obsession with status.

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Jordan Brookes

Sun, 21 Dec 2025 08:00:00 GMT

Edinburgh Comedy Award winning Jordan Brookes inspires Simon to use complex computer simulations and child labour to stop people dropping apple cores.

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Michael Stranney

Sun, 14 Dec 2025 08:00:00 GMT

Writer, actor and producer Michael Stranney helps Simon get to grip with people who don't respect fellow tube passengers or communal fridges.

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Rich Fulcher

Sun, 07 Dec 2025 08:00:00 GMT

The one and only Rich Fulcher helps Simon figure out how to stop bus seat blockers and remind his kids to put on their socks.

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Eleanor Morton

Sun, 30 Nov 2025 08:00:00 GMT

Writer, podcaster and comedian Eleanor Morton encourages Simon to introduce rules to curb public spitting and avoid boring conversations.

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Andy Field

Sun, 23 Nov 2025 08:00:00 GMT

Stand-up and actor Andy Field joins Simon to inspire driving empathy and psychedelic misadventure.

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Matthew Crosby

Sun, 16 Nov 2025 08:00:00 GMT

Prolific writer, broadcaster and Pappy's member Matthew Crosby helps Simon restore the high street to its former glory and guarantee that people really mean it when they say "thank you"

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Chris Cantrill

Sun, 09 Nov 2025 08:00:00 GMT

The Delightful Sausage and Rural Concerns' Chris Cantrill convinces Simon to eradicate bags on train seats and littering, while rewarding the socially conscientious with visions of the future.

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Shalaka Kurup

Sun, 02 Nov 2025 08:00:00 GMT

Multi-award-winning comedian Shalaka Kurup teams up with Simon to ensure that everyone will always be on time and respectful to bus drivers.

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Nick Helm

Sun, 26 Oct 2025 08:00:00 GMT

Actor, comedian and musician Nick Helm vents to Simon about angry gym-goers, unfriendly neighbours and trying to maintain empathy.

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James Shakeshaft

Sun, 19 Oct 2025 07:00:00 GMT

Co-host of Loremen and Rural Concerns James Shakeshaft joins Simon to combat anarchy in the world of eggs.

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Robbie Knox

Sun, 12 Oct 2025 07:00:00 GMT

Podcaster and Youtuber Robbie Knox implores Simon to reward elite airport users and punish traffic-light-ignoring cyclists.

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Jacob Hawley

Sun, 05 Oct 2025 07:00:00 GMT

Writer, stand-up and co-host of The Screen Rot Podcast Jacob Hawley inundates Simon with rules on drinking, driving, queuing and poltergeists.

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Annie McGrath

Sun, 28 Sep 2025 07:00:00 GMT

Writer, actor and stand-up Annie McGrath joins Simon to make swimming pools more calming, park runs less dangerous and Q&As less embarrassing.

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Finlay Christie

Sun, 21 Sep 2025 07:00:00 GMT

Stand-up and sketch comedian Finlay Christie pleads with Simon to fix bad adverts, impolite conversation and stressful driving lessons.

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Michael Odewale

Sun, 14 Sep 2025 07:00:00 GMT

Stand-up and Emmy-nominated writer Michael Odewale convinces Simon to utilise inflatable obstacle courses, horses and spanking to bring order to the world.

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Elis James

Sun, 07 Sep 2025 07:00:00 GMT

The inimitable Elis James begs Simon to force people to laugh at his jokes and chill out by 10%.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

Sun, 31 Aug 2025 07:00:00 GMT

Multi-talented comedian Alasdair Beckett-King guides Simon towards subjugating the rich with book tokens and genetically engineered foxes.

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Sikisa

Sun, 24 Aug 2025 07:00:00 GMT

Stand-up, writer and immigration solicitor Sikisa employs Simon to add rules on public weeing, shared Spotify account etiquette and denigration of professional wrestling.

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Michael May

Sun, 17 Aug 2025 07:00:00 GMT

Celebrated MC & stand-up Michael May convinces Simon to protect cats from being picked up and humans from being given dystopian names.

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Eshaan Akbar

Sun, 10 Aug 2025 07:00:00 GMT

Actor and stand-up Eshaan Akbar helps Simon deal with people who refuse to get their tickets ready before the barriers and block escalators with their massive suitcases.

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Eryn Tett

Sun, 03 Aug 2025 07:00:00 GMT

Award-winning stand-up Eryn Tett implores Simon to induct rules against one-star reviews and lying to be nice.

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John Meagher

Sun, 27 Jul 2025 07:00:00 GMT

Writer and stand-up John Meagher convinces Simon to end the chaos of Lime bikes with the healing power of fire.

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Jack Barry

Sun, 20 Jul 2025 07:00:00 GMT

Feel Good actor and stand-up Jack Barry helps Simon eradicate food fingering and window peering.

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Tom Parry

Sun, 13 Jul 2025 07:00:00 GMT

Pappy's very own Tom Parry and Simon rid the world of chimneys and bring estate agents to order with the power of zorbs.

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Kate Barron

Sun, 06 Jul 2025 09:00:00 GMT

Force of nature stand-up Kate Barron joins Simon to talk bad dog owners, etiquette lessons in schools and how to confront wrongdoers responsibly.

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Barry Ferns

Sun, 29 Jun 2025 09:00:00 GMT

Co-founder of Angel Comedy Barry Ferns and Simon aim to embarrass cyclists and public eaters.

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Hasan Al-Habib

Sun, 22 Jun 2025 09:00:00 GMT

Award-winning comedian Hasan Al-Habib and Simon get to grips with manipulative text messages and the decline of Ps and Qs in popular media.

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Andrew Mensah

Sun, 15 Jun 2025 09:02:54 GMT

Stand-up, presenter and co-host of We Saw That Andrew Mensah provides Simon with philosophical ways of making people try their best under the constant threat of humiliating public shame.

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Michelle Shaughnessy

Sun, 08 Jun 2025 11:43:34 GMT

Canadian stand-up and actor Michelle Shaughnessy and Simon devise ways of bringing small talk, train delays and bothering women after dark to an end.

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Sunil Patel

Sun, 01 Jun 2025 10:30:00 GMT

Actor and co-host of Rural Concerns Sunil Patel joins Simon to take aim at unruly public transport passengers.

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Rob Copland

Sun, 25 May 2025 15:01:00 GMT

Victoria Wood Award winner Rob Copland and Simon work out plans to enlighten the populace and end the tyranny of food influencers.

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Rhys James

Sun, 25 May 2025 15:00:00 GMT

Stand-up, author and panel-based comedian Rhys James joins Simon to discuss how to rein in the chaos on the nation's walkways.

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Trailer

Sun, 18 May 2025 11:46:18 GMT

Coming soon. The podcast to save us all. Email YOUR rules to therulespod@gmail.com.

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