Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

We should on ourselves, we should on others and we let people should on us...it's just shouldy all around. If you haven't guessed, today we're talking about the word "should". Join us on this episode where we're getting into "should", it's impact on our needs and what we can do if we find ourselves in a shouldy situation.

In this episode we cover:

• Shoulding all over ourselves
• What's the problem with "should"?
• Removing the perception of choice
• Introducing expectations
• The impact of "should" on our needs
• How the needs work allowed Serena to eat chocolate cake without guilt
• Feeling guilt and shame around "should"
• The subtext of "should"
• Figuring out what is really right for us in a situation
• Universal social norms and self conditioning
• Why people "should" on others
• Figuring out what the choice is, so we can make the choice that best meets our needs
• Re-wording the "should" with yourself
• Re-wording the "should" with others
• How to approach beginning to shift our language around "should"

Episode References:

• The episodes about guilt and shame -
• Episode 43 - The Guilt & Shame Series: The difference between guilt and shame
• Episode 44 - The Guilt & Shame Series: That's not guilt, it's shame in disguise
• Episode 45 - The Guilt & Shame Series: That's not guilt, it's an attempt at manipulating your humanity
• The episode about interconnectedness - Episode 202 - What is interconnectedness and why is it so critical to getting our needs met?
• The shapes episode about creating - Episode 163 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 5) - The Creator Approach
• The dark side of questions episode: Episode 172 - The darker side of questions
• The episodes about shifting our language -
• Episode 19 - The C-word
• Episode 40 - Let's absolutely lose the absolutes (although not ALWAYS absolutely...)
• Episode 113 - Are you struggling with things that you 'have to', 'need to' or 'should' do?
• Episode 143 - Get your But out of here

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Many people don't enjoy cleaning but do enjoy the benefits from doing so. The same is often true when it comes to meeting our needs. Tune into today's episode to find out just how much needs and cleaning are a like and how acknowledgement can create progress and progress can create acknowledgement. Sounds like a win-win if you ask us.

In this episode we cover:

• When your needs (or cleaning) take a dip and you're in the hole
• Listening to our capacity instead of our brain
• How to begin the journey out of the hole
• What can really help the process
• Claire's house purse
• The importance of acknowledging yourself
• Compounding benefits of something without having to do more
• Helping to create "bonuses" for the people in our lives
• Getting stuck in the hole
• How to begin getting out of the hole
• Rewiring our brains
• Why acknowledgement is like a boulder
• Taking the first step, and what to know before doing so

Episode References:

• The just one small thing episode - Episode 174 - Just one small thing
• The acknowledgement episode Serena was talking about - Episode 198 - How to acknowledge someone (also check out episode 176 - Why acknowledgment is more important than most people realize)
• The shapes episodes -
• The Drama Triangle episodes -
• The Victim Approach episode - Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach
• The Persecutor Approach episode - 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 2) - The Persecutor Approach
• The Rescuer Approach episode - 161 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 3) - The Rescuer Approach
• The Rescuer Approach harm episode - Episode 162 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 4) - Why the Rescuer Approach is so harmful
• The Empowerment Dynamic episodes -
• The Creator Approach episode - Episode 163 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 5) - The Creator Approach
• The Supporter Approach episode - Episode 164 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 6) - The Supporter Approach
• The Contributor Approach episode - Episode 165 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 7) - The Contributor Approach
• The other "shapes" episodes -
• Moving from disempowering to empowering - Episode 166 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 8) - How to move from a disempowering approach to meeting your needs to an empowering one
• The Harm Dynamic episode - Episode 167 - The Harm Dynamic (AKA the abuse dynamic) - focusing on actual harm and the impact of it (Shapes 9)
• Episode 168 - How do the Interaction Dynamics apply to children and power dynamics? (Shapes 10)
• Episode 169 - Understanding the shapes in the context of movies (Shapes 11)

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

If you joined us last episode, you know we've embraced our villain era and we're back talking about our villainous ways again. This week we're discussing how becoming the best version of yourself in your story can lead you to be the villain in someone else's. Tune in to discover how you can navigate this villain era and possibly help rewrite the storyline so that both people have the opportunity to have the happy ending that serves them best.

In this episode we cover:

• The salad that confuses Claire
• Becoming the villain by bettering yourself
• When you're no longer the person you were
• How linear healing journeys can bring relationships closer together or farther apart
• One person's healing can be another person's kryptonite
• Healing and removing a trauma bond
• Trying to convince someone to go on a healing journey they aren't ready or wanting to go on
• Finding the right professional to support you in your journey
• How Serena's marriage was effected by her own growth and healing journey
• Why you have to really want what is on the other side of a healing/growth journey
• Healing isn't one size fits all - why healing the self doesn't necessarily mean healing the relationship
• The threat you pose to others when you are trying to be being a better version of yourself
• Playing out a storyline that is set in stone
• Changing the shared storyline and what it takes to do so
• The ironic twist some villain stories take
• Admitting and addressing when we're the villain 

Episode References:

• The episode where we talk about how to address things when you screw up - The Apology Blueprint episode - Episode 156 - The 6 essential parts of an effective apology

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Have you ever been made into the villain when you didn't do anything wrong? Been there and wore the cape and mask for that. We're now proudly in our villain era and even wearing our green and purple for the occasion. If you aren't sure what we're talking about tune into today's episode where we are going to discuss what it's like to be villainized when you've actually done nothing wrong, why people villainize others and how to check if you are truly in villain status and doing harm to others or just not meeting someone else's needs for them. 

In this episode we cover:

• Why Claire and Serena are ok with being the villain in some people's story
• The role interconnectedness plays in determining a villain
• The difference between identity and behavior
• Interpreting someones actions through the lens of one's own unmet needs
• Being seen as a villain when we were younger vs being seen as one now
• Doubling down and creating a super villain
• Villainizing someone to avoid (potentially) uncomfortable communication
• Placing blame instead of facing accountability
• Why so many people need a villain to blame
• When setting boundaries gets villainized
• Impact over intention
• Dropping into the Drama Triangle
• Why Serena's often considered even more of an asshole now
• Getting labeled the asshole
• Being made out to be the villain doesn't mean it's valid and why it's OK to have feelings about this

Episode References:

• The episode on interconnectedness - Episode 202 - What is interconnectedness and why is it so critical to getting our needs met?
• The selfirst episodes -
• The Selfirst series- Episode 20 - Selfirst Series: What is Selfirst? Let's get specific…
• Episode 21 - Selfirst Series: The difference between doing harm and not meeting needs that were never your responsibility
• Episode 22 - Selfirst Series: A safe space vs a comfortable space, how a comfortable space can actually cost your needs
• The Shapes Series -
• The Drama Triangle episodes -
• The Victim Approach episode - Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering - The Victim Approach
• The Persecutor Approach episode - 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering - The Persecutor Approach
• The Rescuer Approach episode - 161 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering - The Rescuer Approach
• The Rescuer Approach harm episode - Episode 162 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering - Why the Rescuer Approach is so harmful
• The Empowerment Dynamic episodes -
• The Creator Approach episode - Episode 163 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways - The Creator Approach
• The Supporter Approach episode - Episode 164 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways - The Supporter Approach
• The Contributor Approach episode - Episode 165 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways - The Contributor Approach
• The other "shapes" episodes -
• Moving from disempowering to empowering - Episode 166 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways - How to move from a disempowering approach to meeting your needs to an empowering one
• The Harm Dynamic episode - Episode 167 - The Harm Dynamic (AKA the abuse dynamic) - focusing on actual harm and the impact of it
• Episode 168 - How do the Interaction Dynamics apply to children and power dynamics? (Shapes 10)
• Episode 169 - Understanding the shapes in the context of movies
• The episodes on prioritizing short term comfort but creating long term conflict - Episode 188 - What is supportive discomfort?
• The Boundaries Series -
• Episode 101 - Boundaries Series: What exactly ARE boundaries?
• Episode 102 - Boundaries Series: How to know what your boundaries are
• Episode 103 - Boundaries Series: How to communicate your boundaries
• Impact over intention - Episode 41 - Why your intention REALLY doesn’t matter…

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 202 - "What is interconnectedness and why is it so critical to getting our needs met?" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Well Shit! This is another one of those topics we could have sworn we recorded, because we reference the topic so much, yet here we are. Not only can this information be helpful, it's literally a foundational piece of the needs work. Today we're talking about interconnectedness. Join us as we get into what interconnectedness is, why it is so critical in getting our needs met and how to apply it to your everyday life.

In this episode we cover:

• What is interconnectedness
• The Universal Needs Ecosystem
• Plugging the hole(s) in your bucket that you may not even know exists
• Interconnectedness in the context of selfirst
• The difference between negatively impacting needs and not meeting needs that weren't your responsibility
• The return of the inner child and inner teenager
• Recognizing toxic dynamics and creating mutually supportive relationships
• The "sugar rush" of toxic dynamics
• Using interconnectedness as a lens for making decisions
• Making someones job harder because "it's their job" and its impact to your needs
• The feeling of interconnectedness
• The roles both action and inaction play in interconnectedness
• Creating and dismantling environments of permissibility and complicity
• Separating the artist from the art - the role interconnectedness plays in the entertainment we choose to support

Episode References:

• The episode where we talk about The Universal Needs Ecosystem - Episode 36 - Self worth Series: Why it's so hard to feel 'enough'
• The episode where we talk about a bucket with a hole in the bottom - Episode 108 - Why am I so depleted series: What drains your needs
• The selfirst episodes -
• The Selfirst series- Episode 20 - Selfirst Series: What is Selfirst? Let's get specific…
• Episode 21 - Selfirst Series: The difference between doing harm and not meeting needs that were never your responsibility
• Episode 22 - Selfirst Series: A safe space vs a comfortable space, how a comfortable space can actually cost your needs
• The episode about the difference in doing harm and not meeting others needs - Episode 21 - Selfirst Series: The difference between doing harm and not meeting needs that were never your responsibility
• The episode on your inner child - Episode 183 - How to support your inner child
• The episode on your inner teenager - Episode 184 - How to support your inner teenager
• The inner critic episode - Episode 92 - How to deal with the inner critic and inner saboteur
• The guilt and shame series -
• Episode 43 - The difference between guilt and shame
• Episode 44 - That's not guilt, it's shame in disguise
• Episode 45 - That's not guilt, it's an attempt at manipulating your humanity

Notes:

Good Place spoiler - 1:22:09-1:25:51

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

We pride ourselves on walking our talk however, it doesn't mean we always like to do it. Sometimes doing what we know is right for our needs conflicts with what we really want to do. Tune in to find out how getting pissed can mean we get to walk our talk and make the choice that meets our needs best.

In this episode we cover:

• The annoyance of going from "blissful ignorance" to knowing better
• Why Claire recently hated the thought of walking her talk
• What it means when we're looking for reasons to do or not to do something
• Weighing out the options
• The importance of acknowledging and processing when something sucks
• The most important commitment Claire has made
• Staying present with where your needs are currently at
• How to support your needs best when making difficult decisions

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

It's our 200th episode and we're doing something we have never done before. Join us on today's episode as new content is created live and be the first to hear about the change to one of our Universal Needs. This is such an important change that we are doing in 200 episodes in! So this episode is definitely one to watch...

In this episode we cover:

• How far we've come from Serena's bathroom floor
• One of the needs is changing...kinda
• The need for both love AND connection
• The two aspects of the need - self and others
• The difference between connection and our community
• How to deepen the fulfillment of needs we already have met
• Why real connection isn't always possible
• Meeting your needs in the context of the Red-Green Spectrum
• Different ways of creating connection and community
• The difference between relationships of convenience and relationships of effort
• How issues in relationships can be opportunities to build trust
• The difference between being part of community and in community
• Tricking ourselves into hollow experiences of community

Episode References:

• The origin of Maslow's Hierarchy - Episode 1 - Move over Maslow there are new needs in town
• The relationship orbits episode - Episode 154 - What are your relationship orbits, and how can they protect you?
• The Empowerment Ecosystem episodes -
• Episode 163 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 5) - The Creator Approach
• Episode 164 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 6) - The Supporter Approach
• Episode 165 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 7) - The Contributor Approach
• Episode 166 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 8) - How to move from a disempowering approach to meeting your needs to an empowering one
• The relationship bank episode - Episode 158 - When giving a second chance is a good idea...and when it isn't
• The Selfirst episode - Episode 20 - Selfirst Series: What is Selfirst? Let's get specific…

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

The 80's brought us Gremlins, nasty little creatures that multiply and reek havoc, and although we are all grown up, those little buggers have remained but now they live in our heads. Much like the movie, our Gremlins can morph and multiply, reeking havoc in our minds and relationships. Relationships are hard enough without Gremlins running around trying to narrate the story with negative nonsense. Join us on today's episode where we discuss acknowledging our Gremlins and how we can keep them small, quiet and with a little practice, almost nonexistent.

In this episode we cover:

• The difference between our inner critic, inner saboteur and our Gremlin
• The stories Gremlins spin and the tales they will tell
• The relationship between the Gremlin and Niggle Monster
• What feeds our Gremlin?
• The unmet need that feeds our Gremlin most often
• Falling down the shame spiral
• How to deal with our Gremlin
• Communicating about your Gremlin
• What can happen when name our Gremlin
• Creating the worst case scenario while trying to avoid it

Episode References:

• The Niggle Monster episode - Episode 61 - Friendship Series: Clearing Niggles
• Inner critic and saboteur episode - Episode 92 - How to deal with the inner critic and inner saboteur
• Guilt and shame episodes - Guilt and Shame Series: Episode 43 - The difference between guilt and shame; Episode 44 - That's not guilt, it's shame in disguise; Episode 45 - That's not guilt, it's an attempt at manipulating your humanity
• Inner child episode - 183 - How to support your inner child
• Inner teenager episode - 184 - How to support your inner teenager

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

It's natural to want to be seen, heard and understood by those we are in relationship with however, that is not always the case. We've recently discovered that acknowledgement (and doing so effectively) is not as self explanatory as we once thought. On today's episode we're going to discuss why acknowledgement is important, how to acknowledge in ways that are effective and we'll break down the Acknowledgement Blueprint to find out what steps are needed to make deeper, more effective and meaningful acknowledgements and which will help create deeper and more meaningful connections.

In this episode we cover:

• What is an emojency?
• Buzz phrases that lead to superficial acknowledgement
• The many meanings of "I hear you"
• The role gremlins can play in acknowledgement
• Checking boxes, the difference between saying and feeling
• The steps of the Acknowledgement Blueprint
• The importance of staying present and curious
• The thumbs up emoji and what it means now
• Demonstrating that you've actually heard someone
• How to cultivate closer relationships through acknowledgement
• The optional steps when acknowledging
• Why Serena referred to us as the Fight Club of personal development
• Moving from an intellectual or verbal acknowledgment to an active and embodied acknowledgment
• Managing your unmet needs during this process
• Focusing on whats important and how to do so

Episode References:

• The Apology Blueprint episode - Episode 156 - The 6 essential parts of an effective apology
• Relationship orbits episode - Episode 154 - What are your relationship orbits, and how can they protect you?
• 
  
• The clearing niggles episode- Episode 61 - Friendship Series: Clearing Niggles

Notes:

• Download The Acknowledgement Blueprint PDF here: https://theuniversalneeds.com/Acknowledgement
• Download The Apology Blueprint PDF here: https://theuniversalneeds.com/Apology
• Video of educating boomer appearance about the thumbs up: https://www.tiktok.com/@jasonsappy/video/7578197526180941087

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 197 - "The importance of joy when times are tough" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

One of the most important emotions to experience when times are challenging, is also one of the first emotions to go. Today we're talking about joy. In difficult times joy is an emotion that can feel so far away from where we are currently at. So how do we honor what is happening around us while also allowing the full spectrum of emotions that may be present? Tune into today's episode where we discuss why we resist joy, how we can begin to allow joy that is present and cultivating moments of joy that may not have seemed possible.

In this episode we cover:

• The holiday sweater debate
• Why Claire is airing on the side of ridiculous for her singing competition
• The challenge with showing and sharing joy in difficult times
• Resisting joy in grief
• Allowing and processing the full spectrum of emotions
• The difference between authentic joy and masking "joy"
• Processing our experiences more authentically and becoming more resourced in terms of our emotions
• Shifting ourselves out of the direction of "this is what it's meant to look like"
• Creating a space for all the emotions to be present
• Recognizing the potential for joy
• The steps to cultivating joy
• Creating small moments of joy
• Checking in with where you're at and what will truly bring you joy

Episode References:

• The episode on resisting joy - Episode 133 - Why we sometimes resist joy
• The negative emotions episode - Episode 33 - Why there's no such thing as negative emotions
• The episode where Serena talks about getting punchy - Episode 118 - I feel like I want to be angry but I don't know why

Notes:

• Quote from AIDS crisis:
• "During the darkest days of the AIDS crisis, we buried our friends in the morning, we protested in the afternoon, and we danced all night. The dance kept us in the fight because it was the dance that we were fighting for. It didn't look like we were going to win then, and we did. It doesn't feel like we're going to win now, but we could. Keep fighting. Keep dancing." - Dan Savage

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 196 - "How to do business as usual when everything feels so out of control" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

There's a lot going on in the world currently and a lot of people are struggling. To be quite honest, things are pretty shitty. How can we be expected to do business as usual, when nothing is usual?! We don't always have the answers or know what is or isn't the right thing to do so stopped our conversation to hit record and bring you in on it. Join us as we talk about getting back to basics so we are able to resource ourselves and navigate the challenges ahead.

In this episode we cover:

• We don't always have the answer; the "business as usual" dilemma
• What the hell is going on in the world around us
• Daz's on camera cameo
• Feeling like meeting our needs is a drop in the ocean
• We're all in this dumpster fire together
• Simply meeting your needs doesn't make the world ok
• Identifying what we CAN do to move the dial in a better direction
• What to do when the big picture is out of your control
• Getting back to basics
• How Claire navigated a hurricane by meeting her needs
• The right moments to process
• Figuring out what supports you and what doesn't
• Finding the balance between doing the things we need to do while minimizing the negative impact to our needs

Episode References:

• Episode 89 - What to do when you’re REALLY struggling…
• 142 - How to cope when it feels like the world is falling apart
• The Interaction Dynamics (shapes) episodes - Episodes 159-169
• The Drama Triangle episodes
• Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach -
• Episode 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 2) - The Persecutor Approach
• Episode 161 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 3) - The Rescuer Approach
• Episode 162 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 4) - Why the Rescuer Approach is so harmful
• The Empowerment Dynamic episodes
• Episode 163 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 5) - The Creator Approach
• Episode 164 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 6)
• Episode 165 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 7) - The Contributor Approach
• The other "shapes" episodes -
• Episode 166 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 8) - How to move from a disempowering approach to meeting your needs to an empowering one
• Episode 167 - The Harm Dynamic (AKA the abuse dynamic) - focusing on actual harm and the impact of it (Shapes 9)
• Episode 168 - How do the Interaction Dynamics apply to children and power dynamics? (Shapes 10)
• Episode 169 - Understanding the shapes in the context of movies
• The bad habits episode - Episode 91 - How to shift bad habits or change behaviors

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

In life, you win some and you lose some. However, when it comes to our relationships, there is no win-lose. If it's not a win-win, it's a lose-lose and if something doesn't work for one person, it doesn't actually work for the other person or the needs of the relationship. Tune in to discover how finding the win-win can drastically change and improve the relationships in your life by creating something that works for everyone.

In this episode we cover:

• Raining iguanas and exploding trees
• Why there is no win-lose in relationships
• The effects our relationships have on our needs
• Understanding and recognizing interconnectedness
• How winning an argument can negatively impact our needs
• The repercussions of disconnecting from someone's humanity
• What winning actually is
• The culture of competition in relationships
• When team building builds walls
• Putting energy into collaboration rather than competition
• Finding what works for everyone
• Planting seeds of resentment
• Using an "ideal world" to find a win-win and create a more supportive relationship

Episode References:

• The Interaction Dynamics (shapes) episodes - Episodes 159-169
• The Drama Triangle episodes
• Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach -
• Episode 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 2) - The Persecutor Approach
• Episode 161 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 3) - The Rescuer Approach
• Episode 162 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 4) - Why the Rescuer Approach is so harmful
• The Empowerment Dynamic episodes
• Episode 163 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 5) - The Creator Approach
• Episode 164 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 6)
• Episode 165 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 7) - The Contributor Approach
• The other "shapes" episodes -
• Episode 166 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 8) - How to move from a disempowering approach to meeting your needs to an empowering one
• Episode 167 - The Harm Dynamic (AKA the abuse dynamic) - focusing on actual harm and the impact of it (Shapes 9)
• Episode 168 - How do the Interaction Dynamics apply to children and power dynamics? (Shapes 10)
• Episode 169 - Understanding the shapes in the context of movies
• The Selfirst episodes
• Episode 2 - The wisdom of Joey Tribbiani (An introduction to being Selfirst)
• Episode 20 - Selfirst Series: What is Selfirst? Let's get specific…
• Episode 21 - Selfirst Series: The difference between doing harm and not meeting needs that were never your responsibility
• Episode 22 - Selfirst Series: A safe space vs a comfortable space, how a comfortable space can actually cost your needs
• The red green spectrum episode - Episode 121 - How trying to maintain an image can compromise your needs
• The Needs Ecosystem episode - Episode 36 - Self worth Series: Why it's so hard to feel 'enough'

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Life happens and what needs are up, impacted, met or unmet is constantly changing. Sometimes what was once a legitimate yes is now an unfortunate no. Our last episode was all about the positive impact saying yes can have on your needs. Join us this week as we discuss how sometimes what serves us best is changing our yes to a no and when we feel unable to do so we are impacting ourselves, the other person and our relationship as a whole.

In this episode we cover:

• Some of the reasons we say yes, when it is actually a no
• Focusing on how something meets our needs and not considering the potential negative impact to our needs
• Preventing ourselves from feeling pressured to say yes
• When a yes becomes a no due to circumstances
• Renegotiating agreements and commitments
• Yes And and Yes But
• How to approach the no when have already said the yes
• What is Pancakegate
• When avoiding changing a yes to a no creates a bigger issue
• Providing the why
• If it's not a win-win it's a lose-lose
• Serena's New Years Eve yes that was a New Years Eve no for Claire
• Going into Creator Mode to find something you can say yes to
• Riding the pendulum between yes and no to see where your authentic yes lies
• The negative impact compromising yourself has on your relationships

Episode References:

• The episode about saying no - Episode 69 - How to say 'no' when you find it really hard
• The FOMO episode - Episode 140 - FOMO, ROMO, SOMO and JOMO
• The previous episode on saying yes - Episode 193 - How to learn to say yes more
• Apology Blueprint episode - Episode 156 - The 6 essential parts of an effective apology
• The Apology Blueprint PDF here: https://theuniversalneeds.com/Apology

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Yes. It's an easy word to say yet many struggle with it; holding them back from possibility, experience and meeting their needs in fulfilling ways. This week we're talking about how to identify and remove the barriers keeping us from saying yes more and what we need to consider to ensure we are saying yes to the things that serve us best.

In this episode we cover:

• Why we may be struggling to say yes
• Getting into the habit of saying yes
• Similarities between the approach to saying no and the approach to saying yes
• Breaking the pattern of saying no
• Figuring out the why behind the no
• Removing the barriers holding us back from yes
• What allowed Serena to say yes more in Key West while also protecting her relationship
• Focusing on the present moment
• When the yes can compromise our needs
• The fear of saying yes
• How to help create security
• Putting ourselves out there and finding or amplifying joy
• The two things that can really help us learn to say yes
• Considerations to make when saying yes
• Saying yes to more things

Episode References:

• Our last episode on control - Episode 192 - How to let go of control
• The episode about saying no - Episode 69 - How to say 'no' when you find it really hard

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Do you feel the need to control things in your life? You are not alone. Control is something many of us feel we need and rarely do we dive into why we actually feel that way. Spoiler Alert...it has to do with your needs. This week we're getting into the layers of control and how our first 7 Universal Needs may be pulling the stings beneath the surface. If you're looking to change your relationship with control, this episode is for you. 

In this episode we cover:

• What is the need to control
• Where can patterns of control come from
• The impact our met or unmet needs has on our relationship with control
• How to begin changing our relationship with control
• Why we are trying to control
• The relationship between control and anxiety
• How control and our Personal Power Need are linked
• The control fear has over us
• A reminder that you are worthy simply because you exist
• Burnout...the toll of control
• Trying to fit in when we were born to stand out
• Validating ourselves through empathy
• Depreciating value through control
• Internal, quiet, empowerment and how we can obtain it
• Moving forward with baby steps

Episode References:

• The control episode - Episode 24 - How the need to have control is controlling you
• The anxiety episode - Episode 28 - An antidote to anxiety
• The acknowledgement episodes: Episode 92 - How to deal with the inner critic and inner saboteur and 176 - Why acknowledgment is more important than most people realize
• The perfectionism episodes - Episode 23 - How to get over perfectionism and Episode 99 - It’s OK to be human
• The Victim Approach episode - Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach
• The whimsy episode - Episode 153 - The power of whimsy when meeting your needs
• Needs Formula episode- Episode 70 - Burning the candle at both ends series: The Needs Formula

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

They say assuming makes an ass out of you and me. What most people don't know is it compromises the needs of you and me as well. We live in a culture of making snap judgments and just assuming we know someone or a situation however, these assumptions often have us losing sight of our humanity and the humanity of others. This week we're talking about assumptions, the impact making assumptions has on everyone's needs and how to cultivate deeper, stronger and more fulfilling relationships through curiosity.

In this episode we cover:

• When Claire got caught "drinking" on the job
• The real issue with assuming
• How our needs are compromised when assumptions are made
• The difference curiosity can make
• The assumption most people make about Claire and Serena
• What's not nice about "must be nice"
• Social media and the effect assumption can have on our humanity
• What we mean when we talk about curiosity
• Building trust and connection through curiosity
• The question to ask yourself when you're curious
• Removing the middle man from our connections
• Assuming you know the people you know

Episode References:

• Dark Side of Questions episode: Episode 172 - The darker side of questions

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

As adults, most of us have probably been on both sides of the "none of your business" fence. Either getting ourselves involved in something that is none of our business or having someone get involved in our business that was none of theirs. In this week's episode we're getting into all the business and talking about how to determine if something is our business, navigating situations that are and aren't our business and how our unmet needs may be leading us right into none of our business.

In this episode we cover:

• What Mr. Razzle Dazzle gets that many humans don't
• The man who thought it was his business...spoiler alert, it was not
• What is belonging and why does it matter
• Why Emotional Experience and Expression is one of the most compromised needs
• When curiosity and concern come into play
• Determining whether something is our business or not
• Approaching with curiosity when it might be our business
• What to do if we find ourselves in a situation that is none of our business
• The needs that are often up when we jump into things that are none of our business

Episode References:

• Clearing Niggles episode: Episode 61 - Friendship Series: Clearing Niggles
• Direct Communication episode: Episode 186 - The Importance of Direct communication

Notes:

• Download The Apology Blueprint PDF here: https://theuniversalneeds.com/Apology

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Not all discomfort is good for us. In our last episode we talked about supportive discomfort, how to get comfortable with it and why it's important to do so. As usual there is nuance, nuance, nuance and this week we'll be identifying the discomfort you don't want to get comfortable with...unsupportive discomfort. Tune is as we discuss how to identify unsupportive discomfort and what to do in situations where you find yourself in these uncomfortable spaces.

In this episode we cover:

• Some additional notes on supportive discomfort
• What is unsupportive discomfort
• Having empathy for the needs that are up in someone else
• What to do when you find yourself in unsupportive discomfort
• Getting clear on what unsupportive discomfort feels like
• Understanding the difference between supportive discomfort and unsupportive discomfort
• Trusting and, when possible, identifying the why
• Indicators of unsupportive discomfort
• How practicing supportive discomfort can help us identify unsupportive discomfort

Episode References:

• Clearing Niggles episode: Episode 61 - Friendship Series: Clearing Niggles
• Supportive Discomfort episode: Episode 188 - What is supportive discomfort?

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Getting comfortable with discomfort...well that just sounds uncomfortable now doesn't it?! What if we told you getting comfortable with the right kind of discomfort can lead to less discomfort in the future. On today's episode we're going to talk about the different types of discomfort, what it means to get comfortable with discomfort, why it's important and how allowing yourself to be uncomfortable in the short term can have a huge positive impact in the longterm.

In this episode we cover:

• What Claire is Wicked excited for
• The two types of discomfort
• Why we need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable
• Moving through uncomfortable situations
• How to build our capacity for being uncomfortable
• What is supportive discomfort
• Sacrificing our Security Need
• How do we lean into supportive discomfort
• The false sense of security "familiar" can create
• Creating stepping stones through discomfort

Episode References:

• Trauma series: Episode 86 - What is trauma?; Episode 87 - How do you identify trauma; Episode 88 - How to heal trauma and triggers

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

When we avoid conflict we are actually avoiding communication and resolution which is ironically what is needed to avoid further conflict. Avoiding something that is present because it feels uncomfortable in the moment, especially in our close relationships, can make things significantly more uncomfortable in the future. More often than not we chose to wait and avoid conflict, hoping for little things to blow over and we are actually be setting ourselves up for a hurricane. Tune in to find out the impacts that conflict avoidance can be having on you, your relationships and those around you and how to begin to shift our conflict avoidant conditioning.

In this episode we cover:

• One of the primary causes of conflict in our society
• The effect time has on conflict
• When "not a big deal" turns into a REALLY big deal
• Why do people avoid conflict
• What conflict avoidance actually is
• The larger impact of conflict avoidance
• When people show you who they really are
• Where conflict avoidance lives in the Drama Triangle
• How to avoid being conflict avoidant
• Bringing your relationships closer
• When avoiding the conflict is no longer an option
• What you can do if you're not given the choice to resolve a conflict

Episode References:

• The Drama Triangle episodes -
• Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach
• Episode 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 2) - The Persecutor Approach
• Episode 161 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 3) - The Rescuer Approach
• Episode 162 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 4) - Why the Rescuer Approach is so harmful
• Guilt and Shame Series -
• Episode 43 - The Guilt & Shame Series: The difference between guilt and shame
• Episode 44 - The Guilt & Shame Series: That's not guilt, it's shame in disguise
• Episode 45 - The Guilt & Shame Series: That's not guilt, it's an attempt at manipulating your humanity
• Apology Blueprint episode - Episode 156 - The 6 essential parts of an effective apology
• The Apology Blueprint PDF here: https://theuniversalneeds.com/Apology

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 186 - "The Importance of Direct communication" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Many people think they want people to communicate directly with them but when it comes to actually receiving that direct communication, their tune often changes...and quickly. Because we're not use to it, and due to our unmet needs, direct communication can feel like a criticism or an attack when it can actually be what strengthens relationships. Tune into this episode as we discuss the difference between negatively impacting someone's needs and not catering to their comfort and how you can be direct while being mindful of other people's needs.

In this episode we cover:

• A trip down a rabbit hole that changed the topic of this podcast
• Direct communication isn't personal
• Asking for what feels good
• The importance of being transparent
• The anomaly that is Claire
• The art of being direct
• The negative impacts of not being our true and honest self
• Navigating the top three unmet needs in direct communication
• Communicating directly without using verbal language
• Removing the room for interpretation
• Making direct communication successful communication

Episode References:

• Clearing Niggles episode - Episode 61 - Friendship Series: Clearing Niggles

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Crappy situations are like a calling card for unmet needs, and our unmet needs will often make a crappy situation even crappier. They will create chaos in an attempt to get met as quickly as possible, which are often in unfulfilling and unsupportive ways that also compromise the needs of others. Join us on today's episode where we discuss how to make the choices that will prioritize our needs, serve us best and help to protect our peace, even in crappy situations.

In this episode we cover:

• Unmet needs don't make the best decisions
• Dropping into Creator Approach to manage crappy situations
• What happens when you let your unmet needs run the show
• Navigating someone else's unmet needs
• Where is it worth pointing out someone's impact to our needs and where is not
• When addressing a situation is what will protect your peace in the long run
• The misconception that time heals everything
• Avoiding the drama swirl (yours and others)
• The toxic needs boost people receive when feeding drama
• Focusing on our longterm outcomes
• The choices we often forget we have

Episode References:

• The Creator Approach episode - Episode 163 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 5) - The Creator Approach
• 
  
• The Guilt and Shame Series - Episode 43 - The Guilt & Shame Series: The difference between guilt and shame; Episode 44 - The Guilt & Shame Series: That's not guilt, it's shame in disguise; Episode 45 - The Guilt & Shame Series: That's not guilt, it's an attempt at manipulating your humanity
• 
  
• The Inner Teenager episode - Episode 184 - Inner Teenager

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 184 - "How to support your Inner Teenager" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

There's a lot of talk about the inner child these days but rarely do you hear mention of their older, and often angstier, counterpart. In last week's episode we talked about our inner child and the impact their unmet needs can have on our adult lives. This week we'll be diving into our inner teenager, why they are often angry, and how by acknowledging and honoring them we can begin to heal and bridge the needs gap that often exists between childhood and adult. Whether you are parenting a teenager or trying to connect with and heal the one within, this episode can help you get there.

In this episode we cover:

• Serena's highly caffeinated choice
• Why we are talking about the inner teenager
• The similarities between the inner child and the inner teenager
• The awareness of teenagers
• How teenagers often use harmful and red spectrum ways to try and meet their needs
• Helpful tips for processing anger
• Honoring your inner teenager
• Claire's adult response allowed her inner teenager to truly be heard
• The gifts our inner teenager brings to our adult lives
• Using teenage coping mechanisms as and adult
• How to use our needs to support our inner teenagers
• The 4 needs that often affect teenagers most

Episode References:

• Inner Child Episode - Episode 183 - Inner Child

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 183 - "How to support your Inner Child" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Everyone has one, and they can actually be pulling a lot of the strings, but not many people acknowledge their presence or significance in their lives. Today we're talking about the inner child, the role our inner child can play in our adult lives and what they have to do with our needs. Tune in to find our how to start healing our inner child and begin creating a relationship with them that allows for the things they crave. Spoiler alert, the adult in us is craving these things too.

In this episode we cover:

• Beyond the therapeutic speech - what is our inner child?
• Having our inner child take the wheel
• What is amygdala hijack?
• The role childhood trauma plays in adulthood
• How to start healing our inner child
• Relating to our inner child
• Supporting the adult while doing inner child work
• How connecting to our inner child helps to meet our adult needs
• What our judgements as adults could be saying about our inner child
• Creating the balance we need between adulting and our inner child
• Embracing our inner child in our adult life

Episode References:

• The trauma series - Episode 86 - Trauma Series: What is trauma?; Episode 87 - Trauma Series: How do you identify trauma?; Episode 88 - Trauma Series: How to heal trauma and triggers
• The first trauma episode - Episode 51 - How to increase your resilience
• The apology episode - 156 - The 6 essential parts of an effective apology
• The Apology Blueprint PDF here: https://theuniversalneeds.com/Apology

Notes:

Don't miss these for a good laugh!

Squid toy videos:

https://www.tiktok.com/@jushy/video/7551478921485667614

https://www.tiktok.com/@jushy/video/7552250698709093662

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Often when we expect or want something to look a certain way, we set out to create it...even if its not what's actually present. On today's episode we're going to talk about the difference between creating, forcing and allowing and how when we allow what is present, we can actually create something even better than we ever expected.

In this episode we cover:

• The festival experience Claire wasn't able to create and the surprising result
• Chasing something that just isn't present
• Creating through allowing (the choice you have as creator)
• Forcing emotions because we want to feel them
• Being present with what is present
• Allowing things that don't seem to make sense
• Ignoring the red flags
• Finding things you never knew existed or were possible
• How Claire's brain almost stopped the podcast from existing
• Embodying and deepening into creator mode
• Expanding our view of what something "working out" looks like
• How to begin allowing

Episode References:

• The Interaction Dynamics episodes - Episodes 159-169
• The Drama Triangle episodes -
• The Victim Approach episode - Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach
• The Persecutor Approach episode - 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 2) - The Persecutor Approach
• The Rescuer Approach episode - 161 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 3) - The Rescuer Approach
• The Rescuer Approach harm episode - Episode 162 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 4) - Why the Rescuer Approach is so harmful
• The Empowerment Dynamic episodes - The Creator Approach episode - Episode 163 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 5) - The Creator Approach
• The Supporter Approach episode - Episode 164 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 6) - The Supporter Approach
• The Contributor Approach episode - Episode 165 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 7) - The Contributor Approach
• The other "shapes" episodes -
• Moving from disempowering to empowering - Episode 166 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 8) - How to move from a disempowering approach to meeting your needs to an empowering one
• The Harm Dynamic episode - Episode 167 - The Harm Dynamic (AKA the abuse dynamic) - focusing on actual harm and the impact of it (Shapes 9)
• Episode 168 - How do the Interaction Dynamics apply to children and power dynamics? (Shapes 10)
• Episode 169 - Understanding the shapes in the context of movies
• The FOMO episode - Episode 140 - FOMO, ROMO, SOMO and JOMO
• The options episode - Episode 177 - What to do when you're stuck between two crappy choices

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

You need to do big things to get big results right!? Not necessarily. Sometimes it's the small things that we do that can make a big difference and it really can be that simple. Well Shit. Tune into today's episode and we'll share some of small things that make a difference for us and how to find the small things that can make a big difference for you and your needs.

In this episode we cover:

• How to find the small things for yourself
• What's stopping you from making a difference
• The small thing that has Claire doing her Needs Practice regularly (and not having to lean)
• Actively choosing not to do something that would serve us
• Creating more enjoyment in the things we already do
• Using your senses to meet your needs
• Creating a momentary escape from the world
• Amplifying your experiences
• Creating presence and focus
• Simplifying your day to day routine
• Making the most of every moment

Episode References:

• The episode where Serena asks a question live - Episode 98 - Question time: Why am I not doing the thing I want to do?
• The episode where we talk about the dings - Episode 73 - The Ding Ding Dings

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

We know that we can regulate our nervous system but where do we actually begin? This week we're talking about the first, and most important, step that often gets ignored and how taking this step can drastically change how regulated our nervous system feels. 

In this episode we cover:

• If you haven't already, go back and listen to the previous episode
• The negative impact a hug can have
• Becoming aware of the indicators we're dysregulated
• The role your inner child plays in nervous system regulation and dysregulation
• Building trust and creating safety in your nervous system
• What does pee have to do with it?
• Forcing ourself to do something
• Supporting your nervous system through meeting your needs
• Starting from the bottom up
• Creating a win, win, win for yourself

Episode References:

• The episode where we talk about co-regulation - Episode 165 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 7) - The Contributor Approach
• The Selfirst episode - Episode 20 - Selfirst Series: What is Selfirst? Let's get specific…
• The episode with the story how we met - Episode 11 - When it meets your needs to be a hot mess
• It turns out we haven't done an episode on The Inner Child yet, so we're adding that to our "to record" list and will be releasing it soon.

Notes:

• The TikTok video that inspired this episode was this one: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZNdbp41gV/

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Life feels chaotic for many of us and many of our nervous systems are on high alert. Although it may not be possible to regulate the chaos around us, we can begin to regulate the chaos within us. We've referenced it in other episodes and today we're diving deeper into nervous system regulation, its importance and where it sits in the meeting of our needs. Tune in to find out how to begin supporting and regulating your nervous system and how doing so can help others to regulate theirs.

In this episode we cover:

• TED Talk teaser
• The "buzz" about nervous system regulation
• What happens when your nervous system is dysregulated
• The connection between nervous system regulation and trauma response
• A quick needs overview
• Getting to the roots of our Foundation Function Need
• The difference between functioning and coping
• Suggestions for regulating your nervous system
• Finding what works for you
• An indicator that you're regulating your nervous system
• Normalizing nervous system regulation

Episode References:

• The episode where we talk about somatic processing - Episode 118 - I feel like I want to be angry but I don't know why
• The episode about the 6 types of trauma - Episode 86 - Trauma Series: What is trauma?
• The episode where we talk about the different trauma responses - Episode 87 - Trauma Series: How do you identify trauma?
• The episode where we break down the needs - Episode 3 - I need to do WHAT?
• Episode 174 - Just one small thing
• The choices episode - Episode 177 - What to do when you're stuck between two crappy choices
• The episode where we talk about the vagus nerve - Episode Episode 28 - An antidote to anxiety

Notes:

Gardening leave is in fact when an employee gives notices and is paid their normal salary but are not able to come to work or work elsewhere. It is done in an effort to protect a company's information from being passed to competitors.

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

If you have been following us recently then you know the Creator Approach is where it's at. You also know that creation is intentional and takes capacity to facilitate. So does that mean if we don't have capacity we are automatically in the Drama Triangle? Not necessarily. Tune into today's episode to find out how you can stay in creator, even when you don't have the capacity to come up with the options to create. Your future self will thank you for listening.

In this episode we cover:

• Focusing on what we DO want
• Setting yourself up for when you don't have capacity
• How food helps Claire and Serena stay in creator mode
• When clothes can create the creator
• Getting the most out of your travels
• The difference between an idea and an option
• Knowing yourself well enough to know what you need
• So many options, so little time
• Remembering your why
• The backup option that is often Claire and Serena's go-to

Episode References:

• The previous episode - Episode 177 - What to do when you're stuck between two crappy choices

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Ever feel stuck between a rock and a hard place; where it feels like we are forced to choose between one crappy choice or another? We're conditioned to think we only have certain choices and that things look a certain way but times they are a changing. On today's episode we're going to share how to take a crappy situation and create more options than we could have imagined...some we may have never even thought were possible. 

In this episode we cover:

• How Claire and Serena take the edge off life and adulting
• Seeing the possibility of choices beyond this or that
• The role generational conditioning and patterns can play in our choices
• Society's expectations of our choices
• Finding and creating what works for us (regardless of whether we've seen it done before or not)
• What is chronically compromising many people's needs
• Battling with our inner monologue to create space for possibility and options
• The most important thing to do when we feel stuck
• Just one small step
• Being able to reassess and pivot
• The two things that cause a lot of problems for people trying to make choices
• What marriage and divorce are "supposed" to look like
• Creating options from your fantasy world
• Creating options from what you have
• Inspire others to meet their needs

Episode References:

• The perfectionism episode - Episode 23 - How to get over perfectionism

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

It's something so simple, that can make a big difference and is so often missed and even worse dismissed. Today we're talking about acknowledgement, the importance of effective acknowledgement and the impact it has on your needs and your relationships. Tune in to find out how simple it can be to create connection and strengthen relationships or create disconnect and begin to uproot them.

In this episode we cover:

• What happens when we don't acknowledge effectively
• Creating stories to fill the "blank space"
• The simple way we can open a space of connection rather than disconnect
• When a lack of acknowledgement is appropriate
• How we can acknowledging without intending to
• Claire's email bug bear (and what the heck that is)
• Living in emoji times
• Bridging the gap in long distant relationships
• What Claire has discovered the majority of men don't do
• The biggest act of acknowledgement you can make

Episode References:

• The apology steps episode - Episode 156 - The 6 essential parts of an effective apology - Download The Apology Blueprint PDF here: https://theuniversalneeds.com/Apology
• The "But" episode - Episode 143 - Get your But out of here

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Have you ever found yourself desperately trying to create something with someone else and all you end up creating is more of what your don't want? Join us on a trip through our recent travels as we discuss how easy it is to convince ourself we are doing something we actually aren't and how to successfully cocreate so everyone can get their needs met.

In this episode we cover:

• Serena's failed attempt at creation on the top of a mountain
• Using a word doesn't make it true
• What does desperation tell us
• Trying to use creation as an avoidance strategy
• The common misunderstanding in relationships
• Using parallel play as adults
• The issue with side stepping an issue
• The only way you can actually cocreate with someone
• Becoming clear on the outcome
• How to create when the other person isn't in the same space as you

Episode References:

• The shapes episodes - Episodes 159-169
• The Drama Triangle episodes -
• The Victim Approach episode - Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach The Persecutor Approach episode - 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 2) - The Persecutor Approach The Rescuer Approach episode - 161 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 3) - The Rescuer Approach The Rescuer Approach harm episode - Episode 162 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 4) - Why the Rescuer Approach is so harmful
• The Empowerment Dynamic episodes - The Creator Approach episode - Episode 163 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 5) - The Creator Approach The Supporter Approach episode - Episode 164 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 6) - The Supporter Approach The Contributor Approach episode - Episode 165 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 7) - The Contributor Approach
• The other "shapes" episodes - Moving from disempowering to empowering - Episode 166 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 8) - How to move from a disempowering approach to meeting your needs to an empowering one The Harm Dynamic episode - Episode 167 - The Harm Dynamic (AKA the abuse dynamic) - focusing on actual harm and the impact of it (Shapes 9) Episode 168 - How do the Interaction Dynamics apply to children and power dynamics? (Shapes 10) Episode 169 - Understanding the shapes in the context of movies

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Life is complicated, overwhelming and it can sometimes be challenging to feel like we are making progress. We often take for granted the simple things that can move us forward and think if things are simple they can't possibly work. Well, this is simple and it does work. Tune in to find out how just one small thing can turn into something game changing. 

In this episode we cover:

• The exhaustion, overwhelm and frustration that led to Claire's simple discovery
• Small wins and small steps
• What happened when Claire did just one small thing
• Where your focus needs to be
• What dopamine has to do with it
• Creating in the moment
• Task Switching and flow cleaning
• Small is relative
• Acknowledging your capacity and when you dive into your reserves
• The need to remove comparison
• The importance of acknowledging our small things
• The breakdown of Just One Small Thing

Episode References:

• The little wins and little steps episode - Episode 89 - What to do when you’re REALLY struggling…

Notes:

The program Claire has been using during her morning routine https://barredefinition.com/

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Miscommunications may be inevitable in relationships but not all miscommunications have to lead to arguments. Often times small tweaks in language can lead to big changes in communication. Tune in to find out what can happen when we begin removing right or wrong and replacing it with possibility and outcomes. 

In this episode we cover:

• How unreliable our perception of what has happened can sometimes be
• Being open to the fact we may have misheard, misspoke, misunderstood, etc.
• Making things right vs wrong
• What will make the biggest difference in these situations
• The real loser in win/lose relationships
• Deleting, distorting and generalizing
• How its possible to miss something that's right in front of us
• Recognizing why we "need" to be right
• What happens when you take things out of right and wrong
• Creating supportive relationships and dynamics
• The assumption of understanding
• Remembering what matters, who the person is and focusing on your outcome
• When life gets in the way of communicating
• The same words with different meanings

Resources

• Videos showing the phenomenon known as "Change Blindness" where some people don't notice a change when it happens right in front of them:
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqgwZEdoH5w
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkrrVozZR2c

Episode References:

• The Drama Triangle episodes -
• The Victim Approach episode - Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach
• The Persecutor Approach episode - 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 2) - The Persecutor Approach
• The Rescuer Approach episode - 161 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 3) - The Rescuer Approach
• The Rescuer Approach harm episode - Episode 162 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 4) - Why the Rescuer Approach is so harmful
• The Empowerment Dynamic episodes -
• The Creator Approach episode - Episode 163 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 5) - The Creator Approach
• The Supporter Approach episode - Episode 164 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 6) - The Supporter Approach
• The Contributor Approach episode - Episode 165 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 7) - The Contributor Approach
• The other "shapes" episodes -
• Moving from disempowering to empowering - Episode 166 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 8) - How to move from a disempowering approach to meeting your needs to an empowering one
• The Harm Dynamic episode - Episode 167 - The Harm Dynamic (AKA the abuse dynamic) - focusing on actual harm and the impact of it (Shapes 9)
• Episode 168 - How do the Interaction Dynamics apply to children and power dynamics? (Shapes 10)
• Episode 169 - Understanding the shapes in the context of movies

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 172 - "The darker side of questions" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Questions are a good thing...right? Well, not always. Questions are a tool that can be constructive and supportive or destructive and draining. We do often talk about questions as being a good thing and as always there's nuance. On today's episode we're taking a look at the flip side of the questioning tool. Tune in to find out how anxiety, control and unmet needs could actually be doing the asking.

In this episode we cover:

• Why questions are powerful tools
• Being mindful of intention - conscious vs unconscious intention
• Harmful reasons some people ask questions
• Anxiety driven questioning and recognizing its importance in relation to children
• The difference between gathering information to create security and anxiety driven questioning
• How questions can be used as a form of control
• Identifying questions rooted in control and manipulation
• Neutralizing controlling and manipulating questions
• Indicators that your unmet needs are asking the questions
• Creating from curiosity vs manipulating to get needs met
• How to ensure your intentions are truly clean

Episode References:

• The Drama Triangle episodes -
• The Victim Approach episode - Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach
• The Persecutor Approach episode - 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 2) - The Persecutor Approach
• The Rescuer Approach episode - 161 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 3) - The Rescuer Approach
• The Rescuer Approach harm episode - Episode 162 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 4) - Why the Rescuer Approach is so harmful
• The Empowerment Dynamic episodes -
• The Creator Approach episode - Episode 163 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 5) - The Creator Approach
• The Supporter Approach episode - Episode 164 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 6) - The Supporter Approach
• The Contributor Approach episode - Episode 165 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 7) - The Contributor Approach
• The other "shapes" episodes -
• Moving from disempowering to empowering - Episode 166 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 8) - How to move from a disempowering approach to meeting your needs to an empowering one
• The Harm Dynamic episode - Episode 167 - The Harm Dynamic (AKA the abuse dynamic) - focusing on actual harm and the impact of it (Shapes 9)
• Episode 168 - How do the Interaction Dynamics apply to children and power dynamics? (Shapes 10)
• Episode 169 - Understanding the shapes in the context of movies
• The anxiety episode - Episode 28 - An antidote to anxiety
• The don't yuck my yum episode - Episode 170 - Don't yuck my yum
• The episode about control - Episode 24 - How the need to have control is controlling you

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Now that we've talked about yucking a yum; what if we told you that you can make that yum unyuckable? We left last weeks episode feeling a little wonkey so we've decided that this week we would dive deeper into the flip side of yucking someone's yum and find out how to make our yums unyuckable (and what that actually means).

In this episode we cover:

• Joe's yummy assumption
• Making your yum even yummier
• Offense vs judgement and why it makes a difference to your yum
• The importance of naming harm and where harm isn't as obvious
• Finding options to create other yums (and connections)
• Focusing on the need rather than the preference for meeting the need
• The connection between trauma and yums (or yucks)
• Where responsibility lies for other people's triggers
• Why is a yum is yuckable
• Making your yum unyuckable
• The single most empowering thing you can do
• What happens when you make your yum unyuckable
• The knock-on effect of a yucked yum
• Becoming part of the Zero Fucks Crew
• Creating a yummy ripple of community care

Episode References:

• The Creator Approach episode - Episode 163 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 5) - The Creator Approach
• The previous episode - Episode 170 - Don't yuck my yum
• The episode about preference - Episode 128 - When someone can't show up for you when you need or want them to
• The trauma episode - Episode 87 - Trauma Series: How do you identify trauma?
• The relationship orbits episode - Episode 154 - What are your relationship orbits, and how can they protect you?

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Have you ever had your yum yucked? Bet you have and you've probably yucked a few yums too. Although there is a lot of food talk in this episode, it's not actually the topic at hand. Tune in as we put a Needs Lens on the phrase "don't yuck my yum" and find out what's actually happening when someone has their yum yucked.

In this episode we cover:

• What is yucking someone's yum?
• What the "perfect smore" has to do with someone's yum
• What is really present when someone is yucking someone else's yum
• "I've become my mother/father/etc." and how that happens
• Yucking a yum that actually serves you
• The validity in not yucking someone's yum
• The difference between fitting in and belonging
• Claire flips the whole thing on its head
• What is happening to our needs when our yum is yucked
• Celebrating someone else's yums, even when they aren't yours
• Giving and taking your power back

Episode References:

• The Selfirst episode - Episode 20 - Selfirst Series: What is Selfirst? Let's get specific…
• Episode 149 - The ONLY thing you owe other people
• The Victim Approach episode - Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach
• The Persecutor Approach episode - 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 2) - The Persecutor Approach
• The Rescuer Approach episode - 161 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 3) - The Rescuer Approach
• The Rescuer Approach harm episode - Episode 162 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 4) - Why the Rescuer Approach is so harmful
• The Creator Approach episode - Episode 163 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 5) - The Creator Approach
• The Supporter Approach episode - Episode 164 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 6) - The Supporter Approach
• The Contributor Approach episode - Episode 165 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 7) - The Contributor Approach
• Moving from disempowering to empowering - Episode 166 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 8) - How to move from a disempowering approach to meeting your needs to an empowering one
• The Harm Dynamic episode - Episode 167 - The Harm Dynamic (AKA the abuse dynamic) - focusing on actual harm and the impact of it (Shapes 9)
• Episode 168 - How do the Interaction Dynamics apply to children and power dynamics? (Shapes 10 - (the movies are next!))

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 169 - "Understanding the shapes in the context of movies" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

After an unexpected rabbit hole last week, we are going to take two. Join us as we go on a cinematic adventure into needs that leads to places not even we expected to go. In this week's episode we're going to put a Needs Lens on some popular movies, discuss the power of perception in movies, highlight the unsupportive roots of some of our favorite feel good classics and discover some of the unexpected places where the Empowerment Ecosystem lives in cinema.

In this episode we cover:

• Why we suggest using movies to better understand the shapes
• The issue we found when trying to select movies
• The role of the Drama Triangle in "feel good" movies
• Fight Club - 17:14-25:26
• Back To The Future - 25:27-32:20
• What is punch down comedy, why it's harmful and the role you may be playing
• How Hannah Gadsby bucked the trend with Nannette - 47:48-51:58
• Promising Young Woman (Trigger sexual assault and spoiler) - 52:00-1:03:32
• Our viral culture
• The Matrix- 1:09:54-1:13:09
• Lion King - 1:13:10-1:23:49
• What's the harm in Hakuna Matata?
• Shawshank Redemption (spoilers)- 1:23:51-1:37:25

Episode References:

• The Selfirst episode - Episode 20 - Selfirst Series: What is Selfirst? Let's get specific…
• Episode 149 - The ONLY thing you owe other people
• The Victim Approach episode - Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach
• The Persecutor Approach episode - 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 2) - The Persecutor Approach
• The Rescuer Approach episode - 161 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 3) - The Rescuer Approach
• The Rescuer Approach harm episode - Episode 162 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 4) - Why the Rescuer Approach is so harmful
• The Creator Approach episode - Episode 163 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 5) - The Creator Approach
• The Supporter Approach episode - Episode 164 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 6) - The Supporter Approach
• The Contributor Approach episode - Episode 165 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 7) - The Contributor Approach
• Moving from disempowering to empowering - Episode 166 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 8) - How to move from a disempowering approach to meeting your needs to an empowering one
• The Harm Dynamic episode - Episode 167 - The Harm Dynamic (AKA the abuse dynamic) - focusing on actual harm and the impact of it (Shapes 9)
• Episode 168 - How do the Interaction Dynamics apply to children and power dynamics? (Shapes 10 - (the movies are next!))

Resources:

• Click here to download the companion PDF to this episode (and the rest of the Interaction Dynamics series): https://theuniversalneeds.com/The-Interaction-Dynamics

Video clips of scenes we mention (where we've been able to find them) - are in the full show notes, available here: ⁠https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide⁠

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 168 - "How do the Interaction Dynamics apply to children and power dynamics? (Shapes 10 - (the movies are next!))" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

If you're tuning in for our movies episode, we promise its coming next week. Join us on our journey down a rabbit hole so deep, we had to change the episode topic mid-recording. We've spent weeks talking about the shapes and how the Interaction Dynamics apply to us and our relationships however, they don't always apply to everyone. Tune in for todays episode where we focus on our approach and impact specifically in situations regarding power dynamics and with children. What you choose to do now can affect the dynamic approach that your child uses in the future.

In this episode we cover:

• Why the Drama Triangle and Empowerment Ecosystem don't apply the same way to children as adults
• How to lead as a parent in Creator Approach
• The importance of creating consistency with our children and within our daily lives
• Using a container to support children
• The impact of creating options and choice for children
• How power dynamics can affect the Interaction Dynamics
• Recognizing the Harm Dynamic
• Putting responsibility where it needs to be

Episode References:

• Attachment styles - Episode 83 - Conflict Series - Resolving conflict through coping, closing or co-creating
• Principles vs rules - Episode 121 - How trying to maintain an image can compromise your needs
• The Victim Approach episode - Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach
• The Persecutor Approach episode - 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 2) - The Persecutor Approach
• The Rescuer Approach episode - 161 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 3) - The Rescuer Approach
• The Rescuer Approach harm episode - Episode 162 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 4) - Why the Rescuer Approach is so harmful
• The Creator Approach episode - Episode 163 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 5) - The Creator Approach
• The Supporter Approach episode - Episode 164 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 6) - The Supporter Approach
• The Contributor Approach episode - Episode 165 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 7) - The Contributor Approach
• Moving from disempowering to empowering - Episode 166 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 8) - How to move from a disempowering approach to meeting your needs to an empowering one
• The Harm Dynamic episode - Episode 167 - The Harm Dynamic (AKA the abuse dynamic) - focusing on actual harm and the impact of it

Resources:

• Click here to download the companion PDF to this episode (and the rest of the Interaction Dynamics series): https://theuniversalneeds.com/The-Interaction-Dynamics
• Links for the "What were you wearing" exhibit:
• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_Were_You_Wearing%3F
• https://sbaproject.org/what-were-you-wearing/
• https://vimeo.com/1087245651
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdNh87cDHO4

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 167 - "The Harm Dynamic (AKA the abuse dynamic) - focusing on actual harm and the impact of it" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

We've been talking about the shapes and approaches in the Interaction Dynamics for a while now, but there has always felt like there was something missing...until now. This episode is packed with brand new content that we are sharing for the very first time. Tune in and be among the first to be in the know as we introduce the newest shape in our series, the Harm Dynamic and switch the focus from approach to impact.

In this episode we cover:

• Just existing in the Empowerment Ecosystem
• What driving a manual shift car has to do with the Empowerment Ecosystem
• A child is always in victim, right!? - The question that inspired the shape
• Why do we need the Harm Dynamic shape?
• What is the Harm Dynamic
• The difference between impact and approach
• The four positions in the Harm Dynamic
• The approaches each of these positions can take
• How to intervene without rescuing
• How to find out if something else is going on
• Intervening in an emergency

Episode References:

• The C-word episode - Episode 19 - The C-word
• The Apology Blueprint episode - 156 - The 6 essential parts of an effective apology - Download The Apology Blueprint PDF here: https://theuniversalneeds.com/Apology
• The Selfirst episode - Episode 20 - Selfirst Series: What is Selfirst? Let's get specific…
• Niggles episode - Episode 61 - Friendship Series: Clearing Niggles
• The Victim Approach episode - Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach
• The Persecutor Approach episode - 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 2) - The Persecutor Approach
• The Rescuer Approach episode - 161 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 3) - The Rescuer Approach
• The Rescuer Approach harm episode - Episode 162 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 4) - Why the Rescuer Approach is so harmful
• The Creator Approach episode - Episode 163 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 5) - The Creator Approach
• The Supporter Approach episode - Episode 164 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 6) - The Supporter Approach
• The Contributor Approach episode - Episode 165 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 7) - The Contributor Approach
• Moving from disempowering to empowering - Episode 166 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 8) - How to move from a disempowering approach to meeting your needs to an empowering one

Resources:

• Click here to download the companion PDF to this episode (and the rest of the Interaction Dynamics series): https://theuniversalneeds.com/The-Interaction-Dynamics
• We are unable to find a clip however the Punky Brewster episode about learning to drive is Season 4, episode 9 - "See You in Court"
• Fishing boat captain video - confrontation begins at 6:09 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZuxV5hesA1U

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Now that we have all of these shapes and approaches, what do we do with them? We're glad you asked. In today's episode we're going to take everything we have talked about over the last 7 episodes and show you how to move from disempowering to empowering. Spoiler alert, the grass really is greener in the Empowerment Ecosystem.

In this episode we cover:

• The Empowerment Ecosystem overview and summary
• The key to the Empowerment Ecosystem
• How to get someone else to move into the Empowerment Ecosystem
• Why Billy No Mates has no mates
• The importance of asking questions and one of the most important questions to ask
• Stepping into the Empowerment Ecosystem if you have been objectively victimized
• How to move from a disempowering to an empowering approach
• The link between trauma and the drama triangle
• The "excitement" of drama
• When is intervention is required
• The difference between a short-term coping strategy and a long-term needs-meeting strategy

Episode References:

• The Apology Blueprint episode - 156 - The 6 essential parts of an effective apology - Download The Apology Blueprint PDF here: https://theuniversalneeds.com/Apology
• The Trauma Series - Episode 86 - Trauma Series: What is trauma?
• The Selfirst episode - Episode 20 - Selfirst Series: What is Selfirst? Let's get specific…
• The Contributor Approach episode - Episode 165 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 7) - The Contributor Approach
• The Supporter Approach episode - Episode 164 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 6) - The Supporter Approach
• The Creator Approach episode - Episode 163 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 5) - The Creator Approach
• The Victim Approach episode - Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach
• The Persecutor Approach episode - 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 2) - The Persecutor Approach
• The Rescuer Approach episode - 161 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 3) - The Rescuer Approach
• The Rescuer Approach harm episode - Episode 162 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 4) - Why the Rescuer Approach is so harmful

Notes:

• Perimenopause video we mentioned: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZNdUjXymE/
• Clips from Working girl showing the scenes we mention:
• The meeting: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ep59YP_rqQ
• At 39:20 when she confronts her boss: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3dB6DhRfJw
• Explaining why it was her idea: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8WRHX2t_hE

Resources:

• Click here to download the companion PDF to this episode (and the rest of the Interaction Dynamics series): https://theuniversalneeds.com/The-Interaction-Dynamics

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Many of us have been taught that giving is a good thing, but the truth is that isn't always the case. The good news is there is a way to make sure that we are contributing in ways that are supportive to ourselves and others. Join us for today's episode where we will get into the last position in the Empowerment Ecosystem, the Creator Approach, and learn how it can help us truly contribute to those around us and our community as a whole.

In this episode we cover:

• The Empowerment Ecosystem overview
• What is the Contributor Approach
• Approaching others as creators not victims through community support
• The different types of contribution we can provide
• The difference between supporting someone's wellbeing and contributing to it
• What is co-regulation and the impact it can have to our nervous system
• How you can contribute by breathing deeply
• When you should step away and why
• Contributing to community
• Simple acts with big impacts
• The 6 Steps to connecting with your Contributor Approach

Episode References:

• The Selfirst episode - Episode 20 - Selfirst Series: What is Selfirst? Let's get specific…
• The Supporter Approach episode - Episode 164 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 6) - The Supporter Approach
• The Creator Approach episode - Episode 163 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 5) - The Creator Approach
• The Victim Approach episode - Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach
• The Persecutor Approach episode - 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 2) - The Persecutor Approach
• The Rescuer Approach episode - 161 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 3) - The Rescuer Approach
• The Rescuer Approach harm episode - Episode 162 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 4) - Why the Rescuer Approach is so harmful

Notes:

• Survivor videos mentioned:
• Conversation between Eva and Joe: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Dye4V71l3s
• Videos showing the moment when she had an episode and needed help with co-regulation:
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bV1Zd9REHDo
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbgXyK9CHZ0

Resources:

• Click here to download the companion PDF to this episode (and the rest of the Interaction Dynamics series): https://theuniversalneeds.com/The-Interaction-Dynamics

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 164 - "How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 6) - The Supporter Approach" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

If the Rescuer Approach was your go to, then we suggest you tune into this episode as there is another approach that will allow us to truly help support those around us. The Creator Approach is at the core of the Empowerment Ecosystem and today we're going to show you what can be built once we've stepped into this new dynamic.

In this episode we cover:

• The Empowerment Ecosystem overview
• What is the Supporter Approach
• What is empowerment and what is it not
• The critical piece of being in Supporter Approach
• How we can connect to our Supporter Approach
• The type of support someone in a Supporter Approach provides
• The 6 Steps to connecting with your Supporter Approach
• Recognizing the creator in all of us
• Marrying capacity with support

Episode References:

• The Creator Approach episode - Episode 163 - How to meet your needs in empowering ways (Shapes 5) - The Creator Approach
• The Selfirst episode - Episode 20 - Selfirst Series: What is Selfirst? Let's get specific…
• The Victim Approach episode - Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach
• The Persecutor Approach episode - 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 2) - The Persecutor Approach
• The Rescuer Approach episode - 161 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 3) - The Rescuer Approach
• The Rescuer Approach harm episode - Episode 162 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 4) - Why the Rescuer Approach is so harmful

Resources:

• Click here to download the companion PDF to this episode (and the rest of the Interaction Dynamics series): https://theuniversalneeds.com/The-Interaction-Dynamics

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

We've spent a lot of time talking about the disempowering approaches to try and meet needs and all that pinging around the Drama Triangle has us dizzy. This week we're switching gears (and shapes) as we get into the core of the empowering approaches. Tune in to find out the approach that will not only help us to meet our needs in more fulfilling ways but can also help support the relationships in our lives.

In this episode we cover:

• The Empowerment Ecosystem
• What is the Creator Approach?
• The 80/20 Rule
• How we can connect to our Creator Approach
• Sparking creativity with noodles
• The context in which we want to be creating
• Why it isn't enough just to want something
• The importance of specific and flexible outcomes
• The 6 Steps to connecting with your Creator Approach
• Making the Creator Approach easier
• What is chunking and what does it have to do with making a PB&J
• How chunking can help when you're navigating challenges
• Becoming the gardener of your own life
• Practicing the Creator Approach
• Learning how to pivot

Episode References:

• The Selfirst episode - Episode 20 - Selfirst Series: What is Selfirst? Let's get specific…
• Needs Formula episode- Episode 70 - Burning the candle at both ends series: The Needs Formula
• The episode where we talk about throwing noodles - 145 - When your help is actually a hinderance
• The Victim Approach episode - Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach
• The Persecutor Approach episode - 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 2) - The Persecutor Approach
• The Rescuer Approach episode - 161 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 3) - The Rescuer Approach
• The Rescuer Approach harm episode - Episode 162 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 4) - Why the Rescuer Approach is so harmful

Note:

The PB&J sandwich instructions YouTube video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-6N3bLgYyQ

Resources:

• Click here to download the companion PDF to this episode (and the rest of the Interaction Dynamics series): https://theuniversalneeds.com/The-Interaction-Dynamics

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 162 - "How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 4) - Why the Rescuer Approach is so harmful" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

When it comes to the Drama Triangle, taking the Rescuer Approach doesn't seem all that bad, right!? Well, let's just say not everything is as it appears. In today's episode we're going to get deeper into the Rescuer Approach and reveal what really lies behind that mask and cape. Tune in to find out where you may be doing more harm than good.

In this episode we cover:

• Why all the repetition?
• The Victim Approach in disguise
• Good intentions with harmful results
• The speed at which we can change positions in the disempowerment approach
• Finding something that feels a little less sucky
• The relationship between the Rescuer Approach and coaches, councilors and therapists
• What is pin-balling in the Drama Triangle?
• How we engage in these disempowering behaviors within ourselves
• Why we need to be compassionate about our past Drama Triangle behaviors
• The importance of recognizing our objective victimhood
• When we should intervene and come to the rescue

Episode References:

• The intention episode - Episode 41 - Why your intention REALLY doesn't matter…
• The Selfirst episode - Episode 20 - Selfirst Series: What is Selfirst? Let's get specific…
• The Apology Blueprint episode - Episode 156 - The 6 essential parts of an effective apology
• The Rescuer Approach episode - Episode 161 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 3) - The Rescuer Approach
• The Victim Approach episode - Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach
• The Persecutor Approach episode - Episode 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 2) - The Persecutor Approach

Resources:

• Click here to download the companion PDF to this episode (and the rest of the Interaction Dynamics series): https://theuniversalneeds.com/The-Interaction-Dynamics

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

It's time pull pull out your cape and your best "I'll save you" because after this episode you may want to retire them both for good. Join us for the third episode in our Shape Series where we get into final disempowerment approach the Rescuer Approach. As recovering rescuers ourselves, lets just say we have a lot of experience with this one.

In this episode we cover:

• A reminder and quick review
• What's at the core of this approach
• What is the Rescuer Approach
• The primary characteristics of someone who is in the Rescuer Approach
• What's important to know about the Rescuer Approach
• Some of the ways the Rescuer Approach manifests in everyday life
• Examples of Rescuer Approach behaviors
• How people move around the Drama Triangle
• Our cultural conditioning around rescuing

Episode References:

• The Victim Approach episode - Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach
• The Persecutor Approach episode - 160 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 2) - The Persecutor Approach
• The Apology Blueprint episode - Episode 156 - The 6 essential parts of an effective apology

Resources:

• Click here to download the companion PDF to this episode (and the rest of the Interaction Dynamics series): https://theuniversalneeds.com/The-Interaction-Dynamics

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

***Trigger warning - abusive dynamics and behaviors

*Spoiler alert - Handmaid's Tale (time code below)

We would do anything for those we love and never do anything to hurt them. Right? Unfortunately, sometimes we don't intend harm but the impact is exactly that. In our last episode we talked about the Victim Approach, which is at the core of the disempowerment approach. In the second episode of our Shapes Series, we'll be moving along the triangle and talking about the Persecutor Approach and how it often manifests into manipulative and abusive behaviors that lead to toxic relationship dynamics.

In this episode we cover:

• A quick reminder
• Review of the Empowerment Ecosystem
• What's at the core of this approach
• What is the Persecutor Approach
• The primary characteristic of someone who is in the Persecutor Approach
• What's important to know about the Persecutor Approach
• Some of the ways the Persecutor Approach manifests in everyday life
• Examples of Persecutor Approach behaviors
• The difference between masking and manipulation
• DARVO and DARVO like behaviors
• Handmaid's Tale spoiler alert - timestamp 58:32-1:00:45
• Why so many people allow toxic relationships into their lives

Episode References:

• The Victim Approach episode - Episode 159 - How to know if the way you're meeting your needs is disempowering (Shapes 1) - The Victim Approach

Note:

• Link for the TikTok paint video: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZNdktcdsh/

Resources:

• Click here to download the companion PDF to this episode (and the rest of the Interaction Dynamics series): https://theuniversalneeds.com/The-Interaction-Dynamics

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

***Trigger Warning - Ableist terminology and references to self harm

We've been talking about it since the beginning. It's been on the "to record" list for over a year. The wait is finally over...we're talking about shapes! Join us for today's episode where get into the shapes and dive deep into the Victim Approach. Although the show notes are slim, we promise you this episode is packed full of information that can change how you approach everyone in your life. You may be shocked how often this approach shows up in your everyday life.

In this episode we cover:

• What we're celebrating on today's episode
• An important consideration when meeting our needs
• The history of the Drama Triangle
• Overview of the Empowerment Ecosystem
• What is the Victim Approach
• The primary characteristic of someone who is in the Victim Approach
• Some of the ways the Victim Approach manifests in everyday life
• Examples of Victim Approach behaviors
• The difference between Serena "poltergeisting" and taking time for herself
• Looking for where we have adopted Victim Approach behaviors in our own lives

Episode References:

• The Apology Blueprint episode - Episode 156 - The 6 essential parts of an effective apology
• The red green spectrum episode - Episode 121 - How trying to maintain an image can compromise your needs
• The toxic positivity episode - Episode 39 - Just HOW toxic is Toxic Positivity?

Note:

• Irish goodbye is a term used to describe leaving a social gathering without saying goodbye to anyone. Although it is not often seen as an issue, it is seen as offensive and perpetuation of a stereotype. For that reason, we will try to utilize other terms to describe this action.

• As it is an ableist term, we have changed paralysis to freezing going forward

Resources:

• Click here to download the companion PDF to this episode (and the rest of the Interaction Dynamics series): https://theuniversalneeds.com/The-Interaction-Dynamics

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

• What happens when we want to give a second chance and shouldn't
• Why it is OK not to give a second chance
• Our brain and our being, the difference between listening to our gut and our fear
• The indicators that we may want to give a second chance
• Understanding and achieving emotional resolution
• Withdrawing from the "relationship bank account"
• Second chance red flags and warning signs
• That's not an apology!
• "Now you have to forgive me"
• What is love bombing and why it's so harmful
• Serena's shift from love bombing to love sprinkling
• The role discomfort can play in second chances
• When we don't get the second chance

• The first second chances episode - 155 - Why do some people get second chances, and some people don't?
• The Apology Blueprint episode - Episode 156 - The 6 essential parts of an effective apology
• The relationship orbits episode - Episode 154 - What are your relationship orbits, and how can they protect you?

Episode References:

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Imagine receiving (what feels like) a heartfelt apology and finding out it was actually an attempt to manipulate you. Unfortunately, this happens all too often. As we talked about in our last episode an effective apology can repair and strengthen a relationship and an ineffective one can further erode and sometimes destroy it. In this episode we'll get into how an apology can actually be a manipulation that is doing further harm to everyone involved, ways you may be manipulating or being manipulated and how to recognize these manipulation tactics. We'll also provide you with some additional tips and considerations for making an effective apology.

In this episode we cover:

• Our villain eras...cynical or silly?
• How manipulating someone impacts and compromises our needs
• The destructive seeds manipulation plants
• The importance of feeling our way through apologies
• How an ineffective apology can create anxiety
• When someone keeps bringing up something that happened a long time ago
• Claire's experience of having a personal development tool used to manipulate her
• Using the shame spiral as a form of manipulation
• Centering the person who has been harmed

Episode References:

• The Apology Blueprint episode - Episode 156 - The 6 essential parts of an effective apology
• The guilt and shame episode - Episode 43 - The Guilt & Shame Series: The difference between guilt and shame
• The episode we talk about emotional processing - Episode 68 - That’s not rambling, it’s meeting your needs
• The clearing niggles episode - Episode 61 - Friendship Series: Clearing Niggles
• Episode 28 - An antidote to anxiety

Note: Murphy's Law was a principle (the actual phrasing is debated) coined by Edward A. Murphy Jr., an Air Force engineer working at Edwards Air Force Base in the late 1940s. The law's origins are linked to a specific incident where a technician wired a sensor backwards, rendering it useless.

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Sorry. A word that holds a lot of weight but often has little meaning. An apology is so much more, which is why we have created a blueprint to help us navigate the moments where we have messed up. Join us for another installment of "Claire's Most Important Episodes" as we breakdown the Apology Blueprint. By the end of this episode you'll have all the steps needed for an effective apology and know the difference following (or bypassing) these steps will have on you and your relationships.

In this episode we cover:

• The many areas in your life where this can be transformative
• The role trauma plays when apologizing
• When an apology doesn't have the desired effect
• Why sorry isn't part of the blueprint
• The six parts to an apology
• How our unmet needs can effect an apology
• The impact an effective or ineffective apology can have on you and your relationships
• What gives the apology meaning or strips it of meaning
• The essential 8 steps
• The full Apology Blueprint

Episode References:

• The trauma episode - Episode 86 - Trauma Series: What is trauma?
• The guilt and shame episode - Episode 43 - The Guilt & Shame Series: The difference between guilt and shame
• The clearing niggles episode - Episode 61 - Friendship Series: Clearing Niggles

Download The Apology Blueprint PDF here: https://theuniversalneeds.com/Apology

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Ever wonder why it seems some people throw second chances around like confetti but you didn't get invited to the party? Unfortunately it's unlikely the invitation got lost in the mail however there is still a gift to be received. Join us today where we get into the first part of second chances and discuss why they are (or aren't given), the crucial mistakes that can be made and the most important thing that can be taken from all second chances, whether they are received or not.

In this episode we cover:

• The factors that play into why some people receive second chances and some don't
• Why people need second chances?
• Investing and withdrawing from "relationship accounts"
• The rare occurrence when not getting a second chance doesn't have to do with you
• How good intentions can sometimes make things worse
• The surprising place where trust is often built and can actually be accelerated
• The importance of acknowledgement
• The simplified reasons someone doesn't get a second chance
• When you aren't who you used to be
• How Serena gets extra funds in her relationship accounts
• The opportunity we get in every second chance (whether you get it or not)
• The mistake a lot of people make when trying to make amends
• The second part of second chances

Episode References:

• The trauma series - Episode 86 - Trauma Series: What is trauma?, Episode 87 - Trauma Series: How do you identify trauma? and Episode 88 - Trauma Series: How to heal trauma and triggers
• The episode about intention vs impact - Episode 41 - Why your intention REALLY doesn't matter…
• The original Apology Blueprint episode - Episode 16 - How to apologize (and why sorry isn't enough)

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Get ready to blast off because we're taking a journey to outer space and exploring our relationship orbits. We've talked about them before and today we're taking a deeper dive into what they are, how they are determined and how you can use them to protect yourself.

In this episode we cover:

• How excited we are about our new Rode podcast setup
• What is the relationship orbits?
• The two aspects of the orbits
• What determines the distance of our orbits
• The different facets of trust
• What happens when we want to trust people
• Serena's "Well Shit" moment
• How potential can manipulate our orbits
• Letting our orbits fall naturally
• Loving people from a distance
• The roles trust and trauma play in our relationship orbits
• Healing broken trust
• Claire's strategy for sending people into the far depths of space
• What happens when we become complacent in our relationships
• How to support our orbits through the actions we take
• The relationship between trust and boundaries

Episode References:

• The niggle monster episode - Episode 61 - Friendship Series: Clearing Niggles
• The original relationship orbits episode - Episode 17 - What to do when you're waiting for an apology that will never come
• The honesty episode - 146 - How honest should you be with children?
• The traumas episode - Episode 65 - People Pleasing Series - The root of most people pleasing

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Today we're going on a whimsical adventure and you're invited. The power of whimsy goes way beyond sparkles and bubbles and is a highly underestimated tool that can be used to bring a little something extra to many areas of your life. Join us on today's episode as we get our whimsy on and talk about how adding even just a little whimsy can have a big impact on your needs.

In this episode we cover:

- What is a Ta-Da List?

- Expanding your Emotional Experience and Expression Need

- Using whimsy as a tool to mitigate issues in your life

- The many adventures of Serena

- Creating magic in moments where others would see misery

- What's essential to bringing in whimsy

- When it's helpful to bring in whimsy

- Using whimsy to enhance your experiences

- Getting comfortable with whimsy

- Why people are afraid of whimsy

- The joy of bubbles

- Using whimsy to help make something enjoyable that usually isn't

- The flexibility of whimsy

- Creating a whimsical ripple effect and the affect that can have on you

Episode References:

- The niggle episode - Episode 61 - Friendship Series: Clearing Niggles

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

How often do you stop yourself from doing something that would meet your needs simply because you think you can't or you don't think you'll be good at it? Well, you're not alone. Join us for today's episode where we talk about why we do this, what we should be considering and what we're actually holding ourselves back from.

In this episode we cover:

- The language usage that stops us from even trying

- The processing power of karaoke

- Fear of failure

- What happens when someone believes they can't do something

- Serena's new hobby

- Finding the elements that elevate your experience of meeting your needs

- What a banana duct taped to a wall has to do with anything

- Illusions of success

- Connecting to your why

- Claire's art debut

- What's the point?

- Connecting to your humanity through imperfection

- Why Claire wants to be one of the birds

- Living your best life

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

It may sound like the setup for a joke, but today's episode really isn't a laughing matter. So often people act without regard to who will have to deal with the consequences of their choices, actions and behaviors. In today's episode we put a needs lens on a celebrity situation and discuss the ripple effect we have on those around us

In this episode we cover:

- Why we are talking about Bieber, a bucket and Bourdain

- Reasonable expectations

- Superiority and the workforce

- The ripple effect of our actions

- Why wouldn't you help someone?

- Respecting community

- The emotional impact and ripple effect our emotions can have

- The unconscious spiral that's created by not realizing the negative impact to our needs

- Tapping into what sits in our subconscious

Episode References:

- The last episode about judgement - Episode 150 - Why "We listen and we don't judge is so problematic

- The Britney episode - Episode 122 - We are all human

- Episode 149 - The ONLY thing you owe other people

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 150 - "Why "We listen and we don't judge" is SO problematic" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Viral trends are a dime a dozen and one in particular has caught our eye. On today's episode we're diving into the viral trend "We listen and we don't judge". Join us as we discuss how this seemingly nonjudgemental space can prove to be harmful and act to undermine the trust of relationships, eventually pulling them apart.

In this episode we cover:

- The "We listen and we don't judge" trend

- Is judging people a bad thing?

- What can happen when spaces are labeled "nonjudgemental"

- Social norms and the expectations related to trends

- How trends like this can harm your relationships

- Why is this trend so problematic?

- Shielding to avoid consequences

- The vicious cycle that can be created

- What dodgeball has to do with it

- The missed opportunity for deeper connection and healing

- Why it's a little culty

- How we unconsciously undermine our relationships

- Why we allow people to judge us

Episode References:

- The episode from our friendship series - Episode 60 - Friendship Series: Having the hard conversations and getting comfortable with being uncomfortable

- The steps to an apology episode - Episode 16 - Apology Series: How to apologize (and why sorry isn't enough)

- The clearing niggles episode - Episode 61 - Friendship Series: Clearing Niggles

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 149 - "The ONLY thing you owe other people" is now LIVE!

*Trigger Warning - Example of a man seriously compromising woman's needs

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Social norms have many of us thinking that we owe others or that others owe us. Whether it is due to conditioning, a bid to be seen as polite or a sense of entitlement, there are many reasons we find ourselves expecting and abiding to these norms that don't always serve us. Join us on today's episode where we discuss what is the one thing we actually do owe to each other.

In this episode we cover:

- What is the one thing we actually owe others

- Societal expectations

- Creating a sense of obligation through an entitlement of response

- What social norms have to do with being polite

- When its a "you" problem

- What the patriarchy has to do with it

- The difference between being rude and being direct

- The toxicity of social norms

- The role choice plays in rudeness

- How consistently meeting our needs helps us to move away from societal norms

- What can happen if we don't honor where we're at (regardless of the social norm)

- Creating closer relationships by removing social norms that don't serve us

Episode References:

- The trauma episode - Episode 87 - Trauma Series: How do you identify trauma?

Notes:

Link to the "Don't be polite to me who creep you out" song -

On TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@jodeliciouss/video/7305138583751380254?lang=en

And on youtube: https://youtube.com/shorts/jF9uLGAUsRA?si=mjAK1Brjc-P-Sz3-

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Given that everything we do every second of every day is done in an attempt to get our needs met, you would think it would be easy to know what things would have the most impact. Unfortunately, that isn't always the case. Especially when we are in a state of coping, it's not always easy to recognize the things that will REALLY meet our needs and make the noticeable difference within us. Join us on today's episode where we discuss finding, and remembering, the "big hitters" that can make the big difference.

In this episode we cover:

- Claire's "self-care" getaway

- Taking the 80/20 rule and making it a 95/5

- Finding your "big hitters"

- Combining little things to create a big needs impact

- The whimsy of Woody T. Box

- How habits and patterns can prevent us from fully meeting our needs

- Making an appointment to meet your needs

- Why we often don't do the things to support our needs

- Being students of our work

- Noticing the physical indicators of nourishment

- Recognizing when you're masking your needs

Episode References:

- The episode where we reference "power ups" - Episode 28 - An antidote to anxiety

- The episode where we talk about the Red-Green Spectrum - Episode 3 - I need to do WHAT?

- The "But" episode - Episode 143 - Get your But out of here

- The episode where we talk about the levels of competence - 134 - What if feedback could be the ultimate gift?

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Emotions can play a big role in cultivating a relationship of trust and transparency with children. Tune into this week's episode where we discuss how connecting with and expressing your emotions can better equip your child with the ability to connect with, process and flow with their own.

In this episode we cover:

- The connection between emotionality and honesty

- How being open with our emotions can help to children learn to process

- What happens when children aren't witnessing emotions

- Showing children the process of emotionality

- Using emotions as teachable moments

- Smelling the flowers and blowing out the candles

- Validating emotions to children

- Supporting your child's needs through supporting your own

- Giving permission to feel emotion

- Showing the full spectrum of emotion

- Teaching children to expressing their emotions in selfirst ways

- Allowing ourselves to be messy

- The importance of dialog with emotion

Episode References:

- Our last episode - Episode 146 - How honest should you be with children?

- The emotional tunnel episode - Episode 32 - Why (generally speaking) there are no such thing as negative emotions

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

*** Although not detailed or graphic, especially given the topic we are speaking about today, we understand this may be triggering to some viewers. This reference begins at timestamp 00:57:14 and ends at 01:02:36. ***

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 146 - "How honest should you be with children" is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

If there is a little in your life, chances are the question of how honest to be with them has come up. In today's episode we sift through some of the nuance that surrounds this topic. We'll also discuss how cultivating a relationship of transparency and trust between a caregiver and child can serve to keep a child safe and potentially bring them to their greatest joy.

In this episode we cover:

- The relationship between honesty and our Security Need

- What can happen when we try to protect children in the short term

- The three types of honesty

- When the truth bomb goes off

- Protecting a child's relationship with the other parent

- Age appropriate focus and approaches

- What happens when we aren't honest with children

- The impact of a caregiver's unmet needs on their child

- The importance of information for a child

- Cultivating safety, trust and an honest relationship with a child

- Our responsibility as caregivers

- The long-term effect of placing trust in children

- Gaslighting children

- Teaching children to notice "red flags" and trust themselves

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

It can be challenging for us to know what we need to meet our needs at any given moment and yet we often forget this, especially when it comes to suggestions. We can be so eager to jump in and "help" that we don't realize we could not only be negatively impacting the person we're trying to support but also our relationship with them and our own needs as well. Tune into this week's episode where we will discuss how to better support those around you while supporting yourself in the process.

In this episode we cover:

- Compromising our needs to meet our needs

- Mr. Razzle Dazzle's first on screen cameo

- When wanting to help and support can have the opposite effect

- Getting buried in noodles

- The fundamental components to offering help

- The impact suggestions can have on your relationships

- What it means to throw noodles

- Claire learns about the "Oooodea" for the first time

- Enacting our Personal Power

- Timing is everything

- How options, and how their managed, can affect your relationship orbits

- The importance of asking questions

- The ideal number of options

- Embracing the weird

- Avoiding rescuer mode

Episode References:

- The episode where we talk about the relationship orbits - Episode 17 - What to do when you're waiting for an apology that will never come

- The episode where we talk about impact over intention - Episode 41 - Why your intention REALLY doesn’t matter…

- The feedback episode - 134 - What if feedback could be the ultimate gift?

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Rage is a valid human emotion that we are often taught to repress and ignore. The power of rage can be scary and it doesn't have to be destructive. Tune in to today's episode to find out how to harness its power to begin making positive and constructive change for yourself and others.

In this episode we cover:

- Claire's Rage Room experience and her weapon of choice

- The social perception of rage and what that does to our needs

- The truth about anger management

- The importance of processing mentally, physically and emotionally

- Channeling, processing and expressing rage in selfirst ways

- Claire's tip toe through Serena's mine field of a question

- Directing your rage towards others

- How to protect your needs when rage is present

- Techniques to express rage and feel it more fully

- The importance of intentionality

- The path to forgiveness

- The effects of allowing ourselves to feel anger and rage

- Channeling range and anger to create positive and constructive change

Episode References:

- The episode where we talk about somatic processing - Episode 118 - I feel like I want to be angry but I don't know why

- The episodes where we talk about processing your emotions - Episode 64 - When rising above can bite you in the ass and Episode 68 - That’s not rambling, it’s meeting your needs

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Trigger Warning: Drowning

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

We find that people often put their buts where they don't belong, and no, that's not a typo. But may seem like such an insignificant word and that one word can change the entire meaning of a sentence. Tune in to find out if you might be putting your but in the wrong place and the negative impact that can be having to your conversations and your relationships.

In this episode we cover:

- One of the biggest language shifts you can make

- How Claire feels about exclamation points

- What but actually does to your sentence

- Claire's introduction to School House Rock

- Why we're so quick to use the word but

- Subconscious usage and unconscious affects

- Keeping the but out of customer service

- The difference a language shift makes

- Validating vs invalidating language

- The stages of shifting language

- The connection between but and trauma

- Creating closer relationships by shifting your language

- Removing other people's buts

Episode References:

- The episode where we talk about shifting language - Episode 40 - Let's absolutely lose the absolutes (although not ALWAYS absolutely...)

- The C word episode - Episode 19 - The C-word

- The episode where we talk about defensiveness - Episode 82 - Conflict Series: How to take the conflict out of (some) conversations

- The episode where we talk about the different types of trauma - Episode 86 - Trauma Series: What is trauma?

- The relationship orbits episode - Episode 17 - What to do when you're waiting for an apology that will never come

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

We're in some strange times and many people are struggling with not only is going on in their own lives, but in their wider community and the world as a whole. So, what can you do to hold yourself together when it feels as though everything is falling apart around you? In today's episode we talk about the little things that you can do to help meet your needs and cope, and how those little things can make a big difference.

In this episode we cover:

• When everything that's happening feels so "big"
• What leads us to feel disempowered
• Where your power really lies
• What need is almost always up in these situations
• What happens when we are dealing with high anxiety situations
• Serena's disbelief that these techniques would work
• What is coping?
• The toxic positivity bandaid
• Preventing emotional bottlenecking
• The power of joy
• Shifting the energy
• The importance of staying in the present and what that allows us to do
• Why community is important, especially in difficult times
• Physical and emotional community
• How to create strong bonds in community
• Creating progress
• Engaging your personal power

Episode References:

• Episode 28 - An antidote to anxiety
• The episode where we talk about the different trauma responses - Episode 87 - Trauma Series: How do you identify trauma?
• The toxic positivity episode - Episode 39 - Just HOW toxic is Toxic Positivity?

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we cover:

• Claire's experience that inspired this episode
• "What if I just...?"
• What does "I can't afford to be sick" really mean
• The knock on effect pushing through can have
• Showing up for others
• Listening to the indicators your needs are unmet
• Focusing on what you can't do vs what you are able to do
• The rules and restrictions we put on ourselves
• Normalizing meeting our needs in the ways that work for us
• Finding the people who embrace you meeting your needs
• Having the resources to create
• Seeking and receiving attention
• Getting to zero fucks given (in a selfirst way)
• Embracing the bubbly joy
• Opening the possibilities for others

Episode References:

• Our last episode where we talk about FOMO and ROMO - Episode 140 - FOMO, ROMO, SOMO and JOMO
• The clearing Niggles episode - Episode 61 - Friendship Series: Clearing Niggles
• The episode where we talk about people not being able to show up - Episode 128 - When someone can't show up for you when you need or want them to

Full Show notes: ⁠https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide⁠

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we cover:

• The cause of Serena's current FOMO and JOMO
• What are FOMO and JOMO
• Claire's Fantasy Fest JOMO
• The "highlight reel"
• What is SOMO
• What are the main drivers of FOMO, JOMO and SOMO
• What is ROMO
• The role the highlight reel played in Serena's Fantasy Fest experience over the years
• Looking at the wholeness of a situation
• What it means to resource yourself
• How to experience more JOMO and ROMO and less FOMO and SOMO
• The flip side of the OMOs
• The difference doing things differently can make
• The constant balancing act we perform

Episode References:

• The episode where we talk about the emotional rollercoaster - Episode 133 - Why we sometimes resist joy

Full Show notes: ⁠https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide⁠

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we cover:

- How do we know someone is a strong person?

- What we're actually saying when we tell people they're strong

- What we can say instead

- Why we think strength is a compliment

- The power in acknowledging where someone is at

- The consent tea analogy and what consent has to do with these types of "compliments"

- Why we use strength as a compliment

- Reading the room

- How this has impacted Claire given what she's dealing with

- Different variations of strength

- Why our internal dialogs about strength can be detrimental

- The point where compliments turn into criticisms

- Avoiding the shame spiral

- How we can better support the people in our lives

Episode References:

- The episode where we talk about acknowledgment during grieving - Episode 76 - Grief Series - How to support grieving

- The episode where we talk about the emotional tunnel is Episode 32 - Why (generally speaking) there are no such thing as negative emotions

- The episode where we talk about witnessing - Episode 96 - What to do when they’re not OK Series: How to support without rescuing

- Guilt and shame series - Episode 43 - The Guilt & Shame Series: The difference between guilt and shame; Episode 44 - The Guilt & Shame Series: That's not guilt, it's shame in disguise; Episode 45 - The Guilt & Shame Series: That's not guilt, it's an attempt at manipulating your humanity

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we cover:

• What is "word salad"
• Verbal gaslighting
• Recognizing word salad and the impact it can have on your needs
• What happens when someone uses word salad unconsciously
• The key to communicating effectively
• What Claire thinks is one of the most vicious sales tactics
• The subconscious reason word salad is used
• Using word salad consciously
• Why someone would intentionally use this technique
• How word salad is used in culty dynamics
• The illusion of helping people
• Claire's experience with having to translate jargon between two different corporate departments
• What is jargon
• Understanding the needs of your customer
• What to do when you find yourself on the receiving end of word salad

Episode References:

• The episode where we share our sale's process - Episode 129 - The key to customer experience, that is also the key to incredible friendships
• The episode about fulfillment and goal setting - Episode 137 - Why happiness is not the goal

Note:

• Rope swing cartoon -  https://media.licdn.com/dms/image/v2/C5622AQHxNgvbF5SpWw/feedshare-shrink_800/feedshare-shrink_800/0/1614144239060?e=2147483647&v=beta&t=LR8pQcuo4VHHbWqKkYodnG6KpDYp7LT-Xsl4kb1My0g

Full Show notes: ⁠https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide⁠

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we cover:

• The pursuit of happiness
• Issues with happiness as the goal
• What happens when we're not "happy" and how we internalize that
• I should be happy, I'm not and I don't know why
• Seeing life through the Needs Lens and seeing the Needs Lens through life
• Isolating happiness and removing its joy
• The connection between grief and happiness
• What happens when we force ourselves into happiness
• What is fulfillment and how it's difference from happiness
• Creating a path to fulfillment
• The practice Claire used during both natural disasters and heartbreak
• Why our happiness is vulnerable
• What happens when your focus switches from happiness to fulfillment
• How the movie "Inside Out 2" serves as a great representation of this
• What would happen when Claire would meditate and how it relates to fulfillment

Episode References:

• Episode 39 - Just HOW toxic is Toxic Positivity?
• The anger, judgment and carrots episode - Episode 33 - Why there's no such thing as negative emotions
• The episode about why we don't share the Universal Needs (yet) - Episode 8 - Shhh, I've got a secret…
• The episode where we talk about miswanting - Episode 136 - Why you might not WANT the goal that you THINK you do…especially when it comes to weight loss
• The episode where we talk about dopamine hits - Episode 135 - The problem with goal setting

Note:

• We do not believe we should be utilizing the term "zen" as it is not stemming from our lineage its usages is cultural appropriation. We will continue to be mindful of this and act to remove it from our language. 

Full Show notes: ⁠https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide⁠

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we cover:

• The ideals that we have in our heads, especially when it comes to weight
• The mind blowing thing that happened when Claire's friend met her weight loss goal
• What's your "number"?
• Serena's experience with this given her extreme weight loss
• Why we think we want to meet our goals and what happens when we get there
• What is miswanting
• Putting a Needs Lens on Dr. Laurie Santo's Yale course "The Science of Wellbeing"
• The Life Conveyor Belt
• The problem with getting exactly what you wanted
• The outside in approach to meeting your needs
• Who are the happiest people and why?
• The expectations we have in life vs the reality
• The inside out approach to meeting your needs
• How to audit using a Needs Lens
• Finding what works

Episode References:

• The first episode in the goals mini-series - 135 - The problem with goal setting

Notes:

• "Women who are not married and do not have children are the happiest group in the population." The study was done by Paul Dolan, a Happiness Expert and Professor of Behavioural Science at the London School of Economics - https://pauldolan.co.uk/happy-ever-after/prof-paul-dolan-on-the-independent-and-who-the-happiest-people-of-all-are.html

Full Show notes: ⁠https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide⁠

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we cover:

• What is the problem with goal setting
• What often happens when we set significant goals
• How we can start to do things differently
• Claire's marathon training
• How to create to meeting your goals
• How Claire and Serena set goals to create a process that feels easy and supportive
• The role dopamine plays in your goal setting and how to create more of it
• The importance of balancing chunking and dopamine hacking
• The problem with quantitive goals and what can work better
• Where our focus is and where it should be to help meet and exceed our goals
• How to train your brains
• Serena's experience with goal setting at the gym
• The exercise Claire gives clients as an alternate to goal setting
• How we make ourselves miserable
• The negative impacts to our needs reaching a big goal can have
• The four quadrants that help you achieve your goals
• How to meet the right person for you
• Enjoying the process of reaching your goals
• Life getting in the way of your goals

Episode References:

• The episode where we talk about "new year, new you" - Episode 111 - It's OK to change behaviors if they no longer meet your needs
• Our last episode where we talk about our training to feel bad abut ourselves - Episode 134 - What if feedback could be the ultimate gift

Notes:

• In case you're curious, in the 7 months of marathon training Claire covered 132.27 miles

Full Show notes: ⁠https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide⁠

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we cover:

• Why Serena has sparkle FOMO
• Why we get defensive when we receive feedback
• The connection between being right and our Value Need
• Mental gymnastics and the holes we dig ourselves into
• Removing our dependency on other people and connecting to our intrinsic value
• Feedback that compromises needs
• Levels of competence
• The steps to responding to feedback
• Seeing feedback as a gift
• When feedback isn't delivered in the most kind and respectable way
• Disarming the charge of feedback
• How "I didn't know" can cause fractures in a relationships or bring them closer together

Episode References:

• Our holiday themed episodes - Episode 55 - Our Wholeness Holiday Series: 'Tis the season to be selfirst, Episode 56 - Our Wholeness Holiday Series: Taking the pressure out of the holidays, Episode 57 - Our Wholeness Holiday Series: How to create the holiday season that works for YOU, Episode 58 - Our Wholeness Holiday Series: How to start the year filled up, 111 - It's OK to change behaviors if they no longer meet your needs
• Our episodes on connecting with your value - Episode 34 - Self Worth Series: The difference between self worth and confidence, Episode 66 - People Pleasing Series - Sorry Not Sorry, Episode 114 - How to deal with Imposter Syndrome
• The episode where we talk about the Star Trek shields - Episode 28 - An antidote to anxiety
• The episode about bringing relationships closer together - Episode 13 - How screw ups can make our relationships closer

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Life will inevitably have it's ups and downs which means it's not if a drop will happen, it's when. Join us on today's episode where we will take a journey on the emotional rollercoaster and share what we can do before and during that drop so that our highs become higher and our lows aren't as low.

In this episode we cover:

• Focusing on "problem" emotions
• Why do some people resist joy?
• The four main reasons people experience anxiety
• The relationship between anxiety and joy
• The emotional rollercoaster
• How we steal joy from ourselves
• Avoiding hitting bottom
• How we rung every drop of joy out of Serena leaving the island
• The fear of losing joy
• How you can create more joy
• What really may be waiting for you at the top of the roller coaster
• Why do some people hate change?
• Determining what you want from where you're at
• The problem with the happiness rollercoaster

Episode References:

• Episode 28 - An antidote to anxiety
• The episode in which we talk about the star trek shields and the med packs - Episode 28 - An antidote to anxiety

Full Show notes: ⁠https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide⁠

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we cover:

• What happens when we don't express our emotions
• The route to becoming a fulfilled and well supported adult
• How we can help support our children's needs
• The emotional awareness of children
• The process Claire gave a client to help their child process and express their emotions
• Why this process is so powerful
• Our conditioning around processing anger
• The three steps to experiencing the full emotional spectrum
• The effect hiding emotions from your child can have
• The vulnerability of joy

Episode References:

• The episode where we talk about the Red-Green Spectrum - Episode 3 - I need to do WHAT?
• The episode where we talk about dancing to somatically move emotions - Episode 130 - When in doubt, dance it out (or your version of this!)

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we cover:

• Claire's exciting news
• The TikTok that prompted this episode
• What saying sorry really is
• The thing that we desperately resist that significantly compromises our relationships
• What really happens when we say "it's OK"
• Showing strength of character
• What can create motivation that brings our relationships closer together
• The triple whammy of anxiety
• The formula we learn during childhood and why it doesn't work
• Temperature checking the relationships in our lives
• What not saying anything can do
• What's the why?
• How to heal the root issue

Episode References:

• The Guilt & Shame Series - Episode 43 - The Guilt & Shame Series: The difference between guilt and shame
• The anxiety episode - Episode 28 - An antidote to anxiety
• The episode about the relationship orbits and the Apology Blueprint - Episode 17 - Apology Series: What to do when you're waiting for an apology that will never come

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.