This week on I’ll TellYa Dis, Christy Miller and Erik Marino are back at the Grisly Pear Comedy Club after a two-month hiatus from Midtown, just in time before Christy turns 56, putting a “pause” on the menopause and returning from Atlantic City smelling like a stale Pall Mall Gold after spending the weekend telling jokes in what can only be described as the ashtray of New Jersey. 🚬🎰🤮

But the real heartbreak this week is the loss of American treasure Dolly Parton 💔😭 — leaving Christy emotionally devastated, Nashville down one saint, and the American wig industry facing its worst year… which leaves the burden on Cher’s wallet.

WE MUST PROTECT HER AT ALL COSTS. 🫡

Meanwhile, Dolly’s passing brought out tributes from all across the country… including Ted Cruz, who retweeted “LEGEND” on a Dolly post from an account that instantly changed its name to “Ted Cruz’s Tiny Dick” — FINALLY something I agree with Ted on… LEGEND! 🇺🇸🍆😂

In the FAFO portion of the news, ICE finally deported the right person… gay, right-wing troll Milo Yiannopoulos, who apparently overstayed his visa since 2019. 🛫👋🏻 I’m happy he got EXACTLY what he wanted… BYEEEE!!!!! I have one last thing to say to Milo…

🗣️ YOU DON’T EVEN GO HERE!!! 🛫👋🏻

IIn other news, the San Francisco 49ers have decided to kick off the NFL season with a new offensive formation called SEX, SCAMS & SIDE PIECES. 🏈🍆💰

First, billionaire 49ers owner Jed York got busted in an Ohio trailer park allegedly looking for a $160 Hummer — because nothing says RECESSION INDICATOR like an NFL billionaire buying a Dollar Tree blowjob. 😭 To make matters worse for the NFL franchise, there’s the fake 49ers “wide receiver” scamming women online while filming himself in his sad 900-square-foot Sacramento apartment, surrounded by bags of fake shit while wearing a football helmet. 🏈🤡 I CAN’T!!! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Meanwhile, former 49ers defensive coordinator Robert Saleh abandoned ship to coach the Tennessee Titans… which means Christy has finally found her calling in life: moving to Nashville, living in Dolly Parton’s wig room and becoming Robert Saleh’s side piece.

It’s what Dolly would’ve wanted. 🫡🇺🇸

And finally, this week’s BAD IDEAS department was working OVERTIME 🤦🏻‍♀️ — a Roomba caught a cheating wife and somehow sent her husband to jail, Good Good Golf thought SHOVING A WOMAN TO THE GROUND would make a great commercial ⛳️😳, and Target decided ending DEI last year wasn’t enough to bury themselves… they doubled down and released a MINSTREL Halloween costume 😒🚩 You know, for the children. 🤦🏻‍♀️🎃

In other weird news, a Virginia doctor woke up with a BAT trying to crawl into her mouth 🦇😮, there was a four-hour manhunt in Indiana for a lion that may or may not even exist 🦁, and 120 containers of cheese balls spilled across the 105 freeway in L.A. — it’s nice to see snacks are offered while sitting in traffic. 🧀🚗💨

Meanwhile, the Brooklyn Navy Yard has a rave problem, Christy is headed to Tennessee in Dolly Parton’s wig to blow Robert Saleh, and honestly…

IT’S WHAT DOLLY WOULD’VE WANTED. 🫡🇺🇸

See you next week, fuckers. 🫶🏻

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It does not go well. 💀🤣🎤

Instead, Drunken Diamond David Lee Roth is still out there terrorizing audiences with his old-school Van Halen schtick… 🗣️ GO HOME, GRANDPA! YOU’RE SCARING THE CHILDREN! 👴🏻🍺🎤

Belgium found their new Prince at the used car lot, a NJ Transit conductor had to go WAY ABOVE his pay grade and dig a lady’s wedding ring out of the train toilet… now his hand actually smells like New Jersey 💍💩, and who knew Confederate cannonballs wrapped in paper towels were TSA approved? 🤷🏻‍♀️💣 The more you know… 🌈🤦🏻‍♀️

Meanwhile, Trump has apparently acquired his very own Single White Female in Natalie “Human Printer” Harp 😳🖨️ — she’s basically his very own Roomba, following him everywhere… literally EVERYWHERE. 🚽⛳️✈️

🚩🚩🚩 HOW BAD DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO CREEP OUT DONALD TRUMP?! 🤦🏻‍♀️

And somewhere Melania is quietly going, “Good. Now maybe I don’t have to change his diaper anymore. Be Best.” 💀

Jefferson Starship has become a retirement community karaoke band, Gene Simmons of KISS is now barely a HUG at State Fairs 🤘🏻👴🏻, Real Housewives’ kids are coming up with new gym exercises 🏋🏻‍♀️😬, AOC froze her eggs 🥚❄️… and Christy’s are apparently still being delivered fresh four weeks before her 56th birthday. 😩🩸

🗣️ THESE ARE COLLECTOR’S ITEMS, PEOPLE… GET ’EM WHILE YOU CAN!!! 😂

Turns out “happy shit” was WAYYY above our pay grade. 💀🎤

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Christy Miller and Erik Marino return to discover the troops on the USS Abraham Lincoln are being starved down to their original birth weight, the lettuce has diarrhea, the jalapeños have salmonella, GROK wants to "Control-Alt-Delete" its creator, measles is launching a national comeback tour, airplanes are literally "coming together as one," the Lakers have been sold to the most corrupt bidder, and Joe Rogan is JUST NOW discovering that Donald Trump JUST MIGHT NOT BE on the up-and-up 🤔...

🗣️ BRO. WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?! 😩🤦🏻‍♀️

What a 💩 show we live in! “Paging Mr. Sal Monella…” ☎️🌶️ because we definitely need to click our heels and get TF outta Oz. 👠🌪️

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The duo breaks down yet another "pray the gay away" pastor getting caught "allegedly" soliciting a minor online (because what else would he be doing? 🙄), politicians continuing to cement their place in the LGOPBTQ+ community by getting caught doing the absolute most in the absolute least amount of time, and why AI chatbots have turned GenZ relationships into the weirdest thruples ever 😒🙄🤨

Meanwhile... some high schools are entering their "OnlyFans Era" by putting AI-powered sex doll robots in classrooms as "teacher's aides"... 🤖😳🤦🏻‍♀️ (suddenly nobody's cutting class 🤔), Sam Altman's OpenAI chatbot literally attacked another AI company, Hugging Face, completely unprovoked (if you ask us it sounds like just a good ol' case of sibling rivalry 😂), contaminated coffee joins diarrhea lettuce in America's ongoing FDA 💩 show, an abandoned monkey turns up in a laundry bag on a London bus 🐒🚌, Pete Hegseth remains weirdly obsessed with roided-up dudes 💪🏻🙄, and last but certainly not least... ol' back-from-the-dead Chuck Norris is firing off chicken fingers because...

CHUCK YEAH! 🍗💥

So basically... the future is here. Unfortunately, so are the people. 🤦🏻‍♀️

See you next week... assuming the robots don't replace us first. 😳🤖🎙️

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Pete Hegseth wants to roll out "Operation: Roid Rage" for our troops 💉🙄 (after watching him struggle to bench 135 lbs., I think he's the one who should try it. 🤦🏻‍♀️) Meanwhile, Andrew Tate is being extradited to the UK and will finally get to experience firsthand that "no means no." (I'll take "Karma" for $400, Alex.) And in other news, a 110-year-old pipe exploded on Sunset Blvd., leaving a massive sinkhole in West Hollywood... which means somewhere, at least one dude immediately asked, "Can I fuck it?" 🤦🏻‍♀️

Meanwhile, lettuce is the new cleanse, causing explosive diarrhea 🥬💩 (still cheaper than Ozempic. 💀), data center copper wire is the new catalytic converter, a guy climbed into a porta potty to rescue his Mountain Dew 🚽🤢 (BRUH!), and five parrots at a UK zoo had to be separated for cussing out visitors (are we sure they ain't from New York? 🦜😂)

So basically... we're all living in the dumbest timeline imaginable.

See you next week... assuming humanity doesn't get recalled first. 🫶🏻

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What was supposed to be another week of asking “what in the dumpster fire hell happened this week?” immediately drove through the guardrail as Janice — who has the comedic recall of a haunted jukebox in a nursing home — unleashed 62 years of unfiltered thoughts, unsolicited rhymes and something from 1974 she had ready to go. 🗣️ ALWAYS. A. FUCKING. RHYME.

Christy desperately attempts to steer the show through Lindsey Graham leaving the chat, subway personal space, Kathy Griffin’s 22-year-old boyfriend, gang member Fight Club, Chinese restaurants fining parents for their asshole children and a man falling 12 feet into a manhole… while Janice repeatedly hijacks the conversation with meat curtains, nursing homes, removable teeth and whatever the fuck entered her brain four seconds earlier. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

Meanwhile, Prince the three-legged dog heckles the entire episode, Christy accidentally becomes Erik and realizes THIS IS WHAT HE GOES THROUGH EVERY WEEK, and every attempt to ask Janice about her career ends somewhere near Hunts Point with a rhyme and a Venmo request for $5. 💀💵

Basically, Erik got sick and civilization lost custody of the podcast.... Get well soon, Erik. We understand you now. 😂🫶🏻

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While 67 people collapsed from the heat at the so-called "Great American State Fair," Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce shut down Midtown Manhattan for a wedding that somehow made the tragic MET Gala seem almost relatable... because apparently nothing says "read the room" like a tone-deaf billionaire romance in a low-income economy. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Meanwhile, Mitch McConnell is MIA (again 😬... he's probably ⚰️), a New Jersey congressman vanished for four months (did anyone even notice? 🤷🏻‍♀️), Joey Chestnut consumed another 66 hot dogs in the name of patriotism and clogged arteries, and Erik's ongoing mouse problem took a psychedelic turn after one of his mice allegedly ate a mushroom capsule... so if Splinter shows up with four Ninja Turtles, don't say we didn't warn you. 😂🐭🍄🐢

Plus, Christy shares the unexpected breakthrough she finally experienced after 30 years in stand-up comedy, proving that sometimes your biggest career milestone arrives six months late... thanks, menopause. 🤣💀

If we survive another week of freedom, fireworks, and whatever the hell this country is doing, we'll see you next Monday. 🫶🏻

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Meanwhile the comedy industry continues proving it has a completely separate set of rules for women 🤦🏻‍♀️, Carlos Mencia apparently stole more than just jokes 💸, Texas somehow LOST AN ENTIRE GIRAFFE for two weeks 🦒👀 (🗣️ 2 WEEKS, TEXAS!!! Getchyo’ life together!!!!), and the Great American State Fair officially entered its Public Masturbation Era because apparently dignity is no longer federally funded 🇺🇸💀 — what a bunch of jerk offs… literally 💀

At this point civilization has left the building… See you next week. 🫶🏻

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In other news, Pete Hegseth got bullied by a bench press 🏋🏻‍♂️💀, Kid Rock is threatening us with an early retirement (he’s still here? 🤔), Darwinism and TikTok challenges continue proving evolution was a mistake, and insecure “men” continue doing the absolute most with the very least (IYKYK ⚽️⚽️)

America is officially turning 250 this year… unfortunately mentally we’re about 7.

See you next week. 🇺🇸🤦🏻‍♀️

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Unfortunately, we recorded before the event happened, so stay tuned for next week when we break down whatever fresh hell unfolded at this absolute 💩 show.

And because America clearly hadn’t suffered enough this week, Tony Hinchcliffe dropped his Netflix special Man of the People and reminded everyone that apparently being an aggressively unfunny hack still gets you a Netflix special 🤦🏻‍♀️ Dream big, kids!!!

If America survives this caucasity… we’ll see you then. 🫶🏻

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As for the Knicks… Trump showing up for Game 3 of the Finals at MSG has the entire city preparing to scream “WHO’S MANZ IS DIS???” after realizing his cursed courtside energy COULD tank the best Knicks season in decades 🤦🏻‍♀️🗣️ Melania, come get your man! Actually… Melania would probably pull a Mariah Carey and say “I don’t know heem.” (We will have a full follow-up report next Monday.)

Meanwhile, Vanilla Ice is somehow STILL the only one IN for the Freedom 250 while everyone else — including Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson — is OUT (whew… Christy almost had to end the relationship 💀💅🏻).

It’s seriously giving Great American societal collapse realness 💅🏻

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What was supposed to be a patriotic 250th birthday celebration for America somehow turned into The Titanic… everybody jumped ship except Flo Rida, half of Milli Vanilli, and Freedom Williams (who went into full defensive mode while sitting on the toilet 🚽… pretty symbolic of his career if you ask us 💀). Now the entire thing is slowly turning into a MAGA dumpster fire while the rest of America watches in horror.

The duo dives into:

• the MAGA music festival disaster

• UFC fights on the White House lawn 🙄

• Kevin Hart roast fallout

• Byron Allen replacing late night TV with “comedy wallpaper”

• Knicks playoff “hysteria” 😒🚩

It’s political exhaustion, cultural collapse, bug infestations, and balls-to-the-face sports commentary…

It’s giving Great American State Fail realness 💅🏻🇺🇸💀

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Where was Patrick Swayze when we needed him?

(Oh yeah… he’s dead. Completely useless.)

Meanwhile, an innocent birthday party of 20 somehow got trapped in the middle of the melee, so wherever you are… Happy Birthday, girl. Sorry your celebration turned into a live-action bar fight.

Then the duo dives headfirst into the internet’s latest comedy civil war after Chelsea Handler’s viral Kevin Hart roast triggered a legendary 5-page Facebook manifesto from comedian Craig Shoemaker… aka “Victimese: The Series.”

Hey Craig… why you mad, bro? NO ONE mentioned your name.

The episode spirals through:

• toxic comedy ego wars
• bitter old comics
• Kevin Hart becoming unrelatable
• Instagram troll warfare
• Cameo roast services
• and why comedians should probably never log onto Facebook again.

It’s angry.

It’s petty (like me 💀💅🏻)

It’s therapeutic.

And somehow… still deeply stupid.

I’ll TellYa Dis… if your Facebook post needs five screenshots, it’s already a manifesto… save us all the headache and log off… for good.

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Cristy B shares how she accidentally became a comedy club owner, what it’s like booking comics in Florida, and why every touring comic eventually ends up one bad decision away from Daytona Beach.

It’s reckless.

It’s inappropriate.

It’s emotionally unstable.

I’ll TellYa Dis… Florida comedy has its own NASCAR:

Not All Standup Comics Are Respectable…

…and that’s exactly why Florida books them.

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The first recording vanished into the void because the video didn’t record… so instead of giving up, Christy Miller and Erik Marino re-recorded the entire episode and accidentally created a comedic parallel podiverse.

Now there are TWO versions of this week’s breakdown:

🎧 The audio-only “lost timeline”

📺 This cursed alternate reality

This episode spirals through:

* Spirit Airlines flying the coop (literally)

* BedJet “sponsorship”

* LonelyFans & creepy Cameos

* Netflix Is A Joke crash-outs

* Cybertruck recalls

* World Cup ticket insanity

* Trevor Noah betrayal

* bad sleep

* worse moods

* and two comedians hanging on by a thread

The weird part?

Some jokes survived both versions.

Others disappeared forever.

Which ones?

You’ll have to tune in to find out.

So watch this version…

then go listen to the audio version, compare timelines like a psychopath, and leave us a comment:

Should we do this “accidental mistake” again?

Welcome to the Podiverse.

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Erik drives to Pittsburgh to open for a friend… and bombs 💣

Tony Hinchcliffe comes off a Netflix high and a week later hits Atlantic City—reads his entire set off his phone… and bombs 💣

And Christy closes out a Cinco de Mayo private event by absolutely crushing the room… then barely makes it off stage in one piece—to drop a bomb 💣🚽

All is fair in life and comedy: nobody cares—just be funny.

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A 38-year-old comic declares he’s “finally ready” to date women in entertainment—as if headliners have been waiting for permission—and gets immediately clocked for having feature energy with delusional confidence. The “male loneliness epidemic” pulls up loud, thirsty, and typing essays no one asked for.

We break down every red flag: “I’ll allow myself to date creatives,” “I have a couple crushes,” and of course the industry classic—“wanna write together?” (translation: absolutely not). If you’ve ever wondered what desperation sounds like with punctuation, this is it.

Also: quiet crowds that feel like art exhibits, realizing you’ve officially become the retro reference, scam podcasts, chaotic celebrity nonsense, and why dating comics is less romance and more career self-sabotage.

No filters. No sympathy. No survivors... We'll TellYa Dis!

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We also get into Dave Chappelle crashing out over a photo with Lauren Boebert, claiming she “weaponized” his trans jokes against him—welp, if that ain’t the pot gaslighting the kettle 😒🤨

Oh—and it’s 4/20… which also happens to be Adolf Hitler’s birthday. So yeah… pick your celebration wisely.

All’s fair in comedy and bombing… or is it? 😂

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All’s fair in comedy… read the room—don’t date it.

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We kick things off by disrespecting Easter the only way we know how—zero respect 💀😇🐣… then dive straight into the real resurrection story—two seasoned vets in a room full of follower-famous headliners 💀.

We talk ageism in stand-up and what it really looks like trying to stay relevant in a younger, follower-driven comedy scene.

From viral comics headlining without the stage time, to the crowd work delusion epidemic, to navigating this business at 55 and 62—we’re saying the quiet part out loud.

And like every comic who ignores the light… “Before we go…”—we’re just getting started.

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We also get into Christy’s love of trolling her own comment section (roasting trolls is her new kink 😂💀), and Erik’s toxic texts from wannabe comedians 😒🚩… you’re not gonna wanna miss this one.

All’s fair in comedy and bombing… or is it? 😂

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Comedy Rule 101: “before I go…” is a lie—and the light is just a suggestion. 💀

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• Because in comedy there’s only one rule: say it funny or don’t say it at all.

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So why don't you “Pull up a chair… we’ll tellya dis.”

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