60 acast.com Hey Gay Boy https://shows.acast.com/hey-gay-boy en James Wallis gay identity, growing up gay, gay mental health, coming out, gay shame, gay psychology, self acceptance, gay podcast, LGBTQ, gay personal development, gay men, personal growth, minority stress, gay self worth, queer identity James Wallis Hey gay boy.


This is a podcast about the things nobody warned us about. The quiet shame, the overthinking, the patterns we carried into adulthood without ever being given a name for them.


Each episode explores gay identity, mental health, and the psychology of growing up gay. Short, honest, and stripped back. Because some things are better said out loud. Part story, part reflection on what it really means to come out, grow up, and figure yourself out in a world that didn't always make space for you.


This podcast is for the gay man who has done the coming out bit but still feels like he's carrying something he can't quite name. The one who looks fine on the outside but knows there's a version of himself he never really got to meet. The one who grew up performing, pleasing, shrinking and is only now starting to unpick why.


If that sounds familiar, you're not alone. And you're exactly who this is for.


Hey Gay Boy started as a series of short form videos. Honest, spoken word reflections on the nuances of growing up gay. The response was something I wasn't prepared for. Thousands of people telling me they'd never had a name for what they were feeling. That someone had finally said it out loud.


The Substack followed. Then came the realisation that some of these conversations needed more than a caption or an article. They needed audio. They needed to feel like a voice note from someone who gets it.

So here we are.


Each episode draws on psychology, personal experience, and the kind of quiet observations that don't make it into mainstream conversations about LGBT life. We talk about minority stress, shame, self worth, attachment, the inner child, and all the invisible ways growing up gay shapes who we become, long after we've come out.


No guests (yet). No panel discussions. Just honest, considered reflections designed to be listened to on a commute, a walk, or one of those evenings when you just need to feel a little less alone in it.


Thank you so much for being here,


James x

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

]]> Hey gay boy.


This is a podcast about the things nobody warned us about. The quiet shame, the overthinking, the patterns we carried into adulthood without ever being given a name for them.


Each episode explores gay identity, mental health, and the psychology of growing up gay. Short, honest, and stripped back. Because some things are better said out loud. Part story, part reflection on what it really means to come out, grow up, and figure yourself out in a world that didn't always make space for you.


This podcast is for the gay man who has done the coming out bit but still feels like he's carrying something he can't quite name. The one who looks fine on the outside but knows there's a version of himself he never really got to meet. The one who grew up performing, pleasing, shrinking and is only now starting to unpick why.


If that sounds familiar, you're not alone. And you're exactly who this is for.


Hey Gay Boy started as a series of short form videos. Honest, spoken word reflections on the nuances of growing up gay. The response was something I wasn't prepared for. Thousands of people telling me they'd never had a name for what they were feeling. That someone had finally said it out loud.


The Substack followed. Then came the realisation that some of these conversations needed more than a caption or an article. They needed audio. They needed to feel like a voice note from someone who gets it.

So here we are.


Each episode draws on psychology, personal experience, and the kind of quiet observations that don't make it into mainstream conversations about LGBT life. We talk about minority stress, shame, self worth, attachment, the inner child, and all the invisible ways growing up gay shapes who we become, long after we've come out.


No guests (yet). No panel discussions. Just honest, considered reflections designed to be listened to on a commute, a walk, or one of those evenings when you just need to feel a little less alone in it.


Thank you so much for being here,


James x

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

]]> false James Wallis info+69ba7cf8073190d04acdb380@mg-eu.acast.com 69ba7cf8073190d04acdb380 hey-gay-boy episodic https://assets.pippa.io/shows/cover/1773829313909-5a56903f-d2fd-47e5-bd98-4c1d71c67131.jpeg https://shows.acast.com/hey-gay-boy Hey Gay Boy the velvet rage: the gay bible the velvet rage: the gay bible Wed, 27 May 2026 06:05:00 GMT 9:58 6a0895933fd6979bfcd068e5 false https://shows.acast.com/hey-gay-boy/episodes/the-velvet-rage-the-gay-bible 6a0895933fd6979bfcd068e5 69ba7cf8073190d04acdb380 the-velvet-rage-the-gay-bible why the book that helped me stop performing is one I keep coming back to full 1 11 In this episode, I talk about the book that helped me stop performing and finally start understanding myself, and why I keep coming back to it.


The Velvet Rage is often called the gay bible, and for good reason. Alan Downs puts into words what so many of us have felt but couldn't name.


The shame, the rage hiding beneath the smile, the exhausting cycle of chasing validation in love, at work, on social media, and in friendships.


I walk through the ideas that hit me hardest. Why so much of our anger is actually shame in disguise. Why rejection feels catastrophic rather than just disappointing. And why being loved for your most polished, performative version of yourself will never be enough.


This is an honest reflection on gay shame, authenticity, and what it actually looks like to stop living for the applause and start living for yourself.


Check out more queer topics in my Substack: https://jameswallis0.substack.com/

Follow me on Instagram & TikTok too for even more content




Want to go deeper?

The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.com

Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_

If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.

Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

]]> In this episode, I talk about the book that helped me stop performing and finally start understanding myself, and why I keep coming back to it.


The Velvet Rage is often called the gay bible, and for good reason. Alan Downs puts into words what so many of us have felt but couldn't name.


The shame, the rage hiding beneath the smile, the exhausting cycle of chasing validation in love, at work, on social media, and in friendships.


I walk through the ideas that hit me hardest. Why so much of our anger is actually shame in disguise. Why rejection feels catastrophic rather than just disappointing. And why being loved for your most polished, performative version of yourself will never be enough.


This is an honest reflection on gay shame, authenticity, and what it actually looks like to stop living for the applause and start living for yourself.


Check out more queer topics in my Substack: https://jameswallis0.substack.com/

Follow me on Instagram & TikTok too for even more content




Want to go deeper?

The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.com

Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_

If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.

Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

]]> 7 things therapy taught me 7 things therapy taught me Wed, 20 May 2026 06:09:00 GMT 10:16 6a08935befd1f558b0f9a994 false https://shows.acast.com/hey-gay-boy/episodes/7-things-therapy-taught-me 6a08935befd1f558b0f9a994 69ba7cf8073190d04acdb380 7-things-therapy-taught-me from chasing validation to learning self-compassion…what three years in therapy taught me about being gay, growing up, and finally getting to know myself. full 1 10 In this episode, I share seven things that three years of therapy taught me about being gay, growing up, and finally getting to know myself.


From chasing validation to people-pleasing my way through discomfort, I unpack why so many of us, especially as queer people, learn to perform rather than just exist. And why that exhaustion is often a sign that something deeper needs attention.


I talk about the wounded inner child that still shows up in adult relationships, the gay shame that doesn't disappear when you come out, and why being busy, desirable, or constantly seen is rarely the same as actually feeling okay.


This is an honest conversation about therapy, identity, and self-worth. A reminder that getting to know yourself isn't about being broken. It's about finally showing up as you.


Check out more queer topics in my Substack: https://jameswallis0.substack.com/


Follow me on Instagram & TikTok too for even more content

Want to go deeper?

The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.com

Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_

If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.

Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

]]> In this episode, I share seven things that three years of therapy taught me about being gay, growing up, and finally getting to know myself.


From chasing validation to people-pleasing my way through discomfort, I unpack why so many of us, especially as queer people, learn to perform rather than just exist. And why that exhaustion is often a sign that something deeper needs attention.


I talk about the wounded inner child that still shows up in adult relationships, the gay shame that doesn't disappear when you come out, and why being busy, desirable, or constantly seen is rarely the same as actually feeling okay.


This is an honest conversation about therapy, identity, and self-worth. A reminder that getting to know yourself isn't about being broken. It's about finally showing up as you.


Check out more queer topics in my Substack: https://jameswallis0.substack.com/


Follow me on Instagram & TikTok too for even more content

Want to go deeper?

The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.com

Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_

If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.

Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

]]> why rejection breaks us why rejection breaks us Wed, 13 May 2026 06:00:00 GMT 13:55 6a022226b44336455603d9d9 false https://shows.acast.com/hey-gay-boy/episodes/why-rejection-breaks-us 6a022226b44336455603d9d9 69ba7cf8073190d04acdb380 why-rejection-breaks-us from ghosting to heartbreak, the pain isn’t just about them, it’s about the younger version of you who never felt chosen. full 1 9 In this episode, I explore why rejection hurts far more than we give it credit for, and why for so many of us, especially as queer people, it cuts straight to the bone.


From being ghosted to the collapse of a relationship you thought was everything, I unpack why the pain isn't just about losing someone. It's about the younger version of you who never felt chosen, wanted, or safe.


Drawing on psychology and neuroscience, I look at why the brain registers rejection like physical pain, how childhood wounds and gay shame show up in our adult relationships, and why brushing it off rarely makes it go away.


This is an honest conversation about heartbreak, identity, and self-worth, and a reminder that if it hit hard, it was never just about them.


___


Check out more queer topics in my Substack: https://jameswallis0.substack.com/

Follow me on Instagram & TikTok too for even more content

Want to go deeper?

The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.com

Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_

If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.

Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

]]> In this episode, I explore why rejection hurts far more than we give it credit for, and why for so many of us, especially as queer people, it cuts straight to the bone.


From being ghosted to the collapse of a relationship you thought was everything, I unpack why the pain isn't just about losing someone. It's about the younger version of you who never felt chosen, wanted, or safe.


Drawing on psychology and neuroscience, I look at why the brain registers rejection like physical pain, how childhood wounds and gay shame show up in our adult relationships, and why brushing it off rarely makes it go away.


This is an honest conversation about heartbreak, identity, and self-worth, and a reminder that if it hit hard, it was never just about them.


___


Check out more queer topics in my Substack: https://jameswallis0.substack.com/

Follow me on Instagram & TikTok too for even more content

Want to go deeper?

The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.com

Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_

If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.

Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

]]> why is the gay community sometimes a bit sh*t? why is the gay community sometimes a bit sh*t? Wed, 06 May 2026 13:00:00 GMT 13:23 69e68a9cd2febdbec9a30bfa false https://shows.acast.com/hey-gay-boy/episodes/why-is-the-gay-community-sometimes-a-bit-sht 69e68a9cd2febdbec9a30bfa 69ba7cf8073190d04acdb380 why-is-the-gay-community-sometimes-a-bit-sht gay friendships can be fragile. gay spaces can feel excluding. there may be some science behind it... full 1 8 In this episode, I explore the complicated reality of feeling like an outsider within the gay community, even after coming out.


From the unspoken pressure to look, act, and perform a certain way, to the fragility of gay friendships and the loneliness that can exist in the middle of a packed nightclub, I unpack why belonging can feel so elusive. Drawing on psychological frameworks like the Minority Stress Model and the concept of the "wounded child,"


I examine how early shame, identity-eroding comparison, and validation-seeking behaviours shape our adult relationships and sense of self.


This is an honest take on loving a community while also being frankt about the ways it can fall short, and a reminder that you're far from alone in feeling like you don't quite fit in.




Want to go deeper?

The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.com

Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_

If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.

Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

]]> In this episode, I explore the complicated reality of feeling like an outsider within the gay community, even after coming out.


From the unspoken pressure to look, act, and perform a certain way, to the fragility of gay friendships and the loneliness that can exist in the middle of a packed nightclub, I unpack why belonging can feel so elusive. Drawing on psychological frameworks like the Minority Stress Model and the concept of the "wounded child,"


I examine how early shame, identity-eroding comparison, and validation-seeking behaviours shape our adult relationships and sense of self.


This is an honest take on loving a community while also being frankt about the ways it can fall short, and a reminder that you're far from alone in feeling like you don't quite fit in.




Want to go deeper?

The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.com

Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_

If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.

Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

]]> <![CDATA[14 signs you're already healing]]> Wed, 29 Apr 2026 13:00:00 GMT 6:00 69e52d8fabe143da5bf07e06 false https://shows.acast.com/hey-gay-boy/episodes/14-signs-youre-already-healing 69e52d8fabe143da5bf07e06 69ba7cf8073190d04acdb380 14-signs-youre-already-healing because progress doesn’t always feel like power. full 1 7 In this episode, I'm talking about the quiet, easy-to-miss signs that you're actually further along than you think.


Because if you've spent years in survival mode, growth doesn't always feel like power.


Sometimes it just feels like going home after one drink because you're tired, or receiving a compliment and saying thank you instead of deflecting it.

Want to go deeper?

The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.com

Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_

If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.

Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

]]> In this episode, I'm talking about the quiet, easy-to-miss signs that you're actually further along than you think.


Because if you've spent years in survival mode, growth doesn't always feel like power.


Sometimes it just feels like going home after one drink because you're tired, or receiving a compliment and saying thank you instead of deflecting it.

Want to go deeper?

The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.com

Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_

If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.

Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

]]> 11 small acts to start healing gay shame...this week 11 small acts to start healing gay shame...this week Wed, 22 Apr 2026 13:00:00 GMT 9:41 69e5277623929c3a2aed3b71 false https://shows.acast.com/hey-gay-boy/episodes/11-small-acts-to-start-healing-gay-shamethis-week 69e5277623929c3a2aed3b71 69ba7cf8073190d04acdb380 11-small-acts-to-start-healing-gay-shamethis-week a no-fluff guide to undoing shame and reconnecting with who you really are full 1 6 gay shame runs deep - and it shows up in more ways than we realise.


In this episode, I walk through 11 small, practical acts to help you start loosening shame's grip, stop performing for other people's approval, and reconnect with who you actually are.


No big overhauls, no toxic positivity - just honest, doable steps you can try this week.

Want to go deeper?

The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.com

Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_

If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.

Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

]]> gay shame runs deep - and it shows up in more ways than we realise.


In this episode, I walk through 11 small, practical acts to help you start loosening shame's grip, stop performing for other people's approval, and reconnect with who you actually are.


No big overhauls, no toxic positivity - just honest, doable steps you can try this week.

Want to go deeper?

The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.com

Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_

If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.

Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

]]> why happiness feels so hard for gay men why happiness feels so hard for gay men Wed, 15 Apr 2026 17:00:00 GMT 8:21 69c7aca09b6be94a1a31c933 false https://shows.acast.com/hey-gay-boy/episodes/why-happiness-feels-so-hard-for-gay-men 69c7aca09b6be94a1a31c933 69ba7cf8073190d04acdb380 why-happiness-feels-so-hard-for-gay-men the hidden reason happiness still feels fragile, even when life is good full 1 5 In this episode, I'm talking about that weird, nagging feeling where everything in your life looks fine, maybe even good, but you still feel flat. Like something's missing and you can't quite put your finger on it.


I explore why happiness can feel so fragile, even when life is going well, and why so many gay men find themselves bracing for something to go wrong right in the middle of a good moment. From anticipatory anxiety to minority stress, I get into the real reasons joy can feel unfamiliar, even unsafe, after a lifetime of hiding, shrinking, and staying on guard.


This one is about learning to trust happiness. To stay present in good moments instead of mentally skipping ahead to the worst case scenario. And to slowly, gently teach yourself that joy isn't something to be suspicious of. It's something you're allowed to hold.

Want to go deeper?

The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.com

Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_

If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.

Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

]]> In this episode, I'm talking about that weird, nagging feeling where everything in your life looks fine, maybe even good, but you still feel flat. Like something's missing and you can't quite put your finger on it.


I explore why happiness can feel so fragile, even when life is going well, and why so many gay men find themselves bracing for something to go wrong right in the middle of a good moment. From anticipatory anxiety to minority stress, I get into the real reasons joy can feel unfamiliar, even unsafe, after a lifetime of hiding, shrinking, and staying on guard.


This one is about learning to trust happiness. To stay present in good moments instead of mentally skipping ahead to the worst case scenario. And to slowly, gently teach yourself that joy isn't something to be suspicious of. It's something you're allowed to hold.

Want to go deeper?

The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.com

Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_

If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.

Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

]]> gay grown and still hurting gay grown and still hurting Wed, 08 Apr 2026 17:00:00 GMT 9:33 69c7a106c2759aa9b15e39b1 false https://shows.acast.com/hey-gay-boy/episodes/gay-grown-and-still-hurting 69c7a106c2759aa9b15e39b1 69ba7cf8073190d04acdb380 gay-grown-and-still-hurting why so many gay men are still being shaped by the boy they used to be full 1 4 In this episode, I get personal about my own "soft rock bottom" and the unexpected therapy insight that changed everything: your wounded inner child is still calling the shots.


I explore why so many gay men are still being shaped by the boy they used to be, why we're so uniquely vulnerable to childhood emotional wounds, and what it actually looks like to start healing. Not by silencing that scared little boy, but by finally showing up for him.


This one is about reparenting, emotional sensitivity, and why your reactions aren't a weakness.


They're a nervous system doing its best. And it's about how, once you see what's really driving you, you get to change the script.

Want to go deeper?

The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.com

Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_

If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.

Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

]]> In this episode, I get personal about my own "soft rock bottom" and the unexpected therapy insight that changed everything: your wounded inner child is still calling the shots.


I explore why so many gay men are still being shaped by the boy they used to be, why we're so uniquely vulnerable to childhood emotional wounds, and what it actually looks like to start healing. Not by silencing that scared little boy, but by finally showing up for him.


This one is about reparenting, emotional sensitivity, and why your reactions aren't a weakness.


They're a nervous system doing its best. And it's about how, once you see what's really driving you, you get to change the script.

Want to go deeper?

The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.com

Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_

If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.

Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

]]> hey gay boy hey gay boy Wed, 01 Apr 2026 17:00:00 GMT 4:43 69bbc93ca1476488b7a139f4 false https://shows.acast.com/hey-gay-boy/episodes/hey-gay-boy 69bbc93ca1476488b7a139f4 69ba7cf8073190d04acdb380 hey-gay-boy unlearning shame, taking up space, and building a community where you truly belong full 1 1 Welcome to the very first episode of Hey Gay Boy.


In this opening episode, I share what it felt like to spend years being the "perfect gay boy" - the overachiever, the people pleaser, the one who worked twice as hard just to feel like he deserved to be there. And what it cost me.


This episode is almost like a love letter to any gay man who grew up editing himself, playing it small, and waiting for permission to just be.

If you've ever felt the weight of gay shame, struggled with self worth, or spent years performing a version of yourself just to feel accepted, this one is for you.


It's honest, personal, and sets the tone for everything that follows....because growing up gay leaves marks that don't disappear the moment you come out.

The psychology of it runs deeper than that. And that's exactly what this podcast is here to explore.


Whether you're early in your journey of gay identity or years into it and still making sense of things, you're in the right place.


If this episode resonates, please leave a rating or short review. It's the single biggest way new listeners can find the show.

And if you aren't already following or subscribed, now is a great time to do that too ;)


Links:

If you fancy reading you can discover the Hey Gay Boy Substack here: jameswallis0.substack.com


Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis or TikTok @jameswallis_


If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis - it really does help!


Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis


x

Want to go deeper?

The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.com

Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_

If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.

Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

]]> Welcome to the very first episode of Hey Gay Boy.


In this opening episode, I share what it felt like to spend years being the "perfect gay boy" - the overachiever, the people pleaser, the one who worked twice as hard just to feel like he deserved to be there. And what it cost me.


This episode is almost like a love letter to any gay man who grew up editing himself, playing it small, and waiting for permission to just be.

If you've ever felt the weight of gay shame, struggled with self worth, or spent years performing a version of yourself just to feel accepted, this one is for you.


It's honest, personal, and sets the tone for everything that follows....because growing up gay leaves marks that don't disappear the moment you come out.

The psychology of it runs deeper than that. And that's exactly what this podcast is here to explore.


Whether you're early in your journey of gay identity or years into it and still making sense of things, you're in the right place.


If this episode resonates, please leave a rating or short review. It's the single biggest way new listeners can find the show.

And if you aren't already following or subscribed, now is a great time to do that too ;)


Links:

If you fancy reading you can discover the Hey Gay Boy Substack here: jameswallis0.substack.com


Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis or TikTok @jameswallis_


If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis - it really does help!


Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis


x

Want to go deeper?

The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.com

Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_

If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.

Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

]]> lets talk about gay shame lets talk about gay shame Wed, 01 Apr 2026 17:00:00 GMT 6:20 69bc1dc67878605e11274fe0 false https://shows.acast.com/hey-gay-boy/episodes/lets-talk-about-gay-shame 69bc1dc67878605e11274fe0 69ba7cf8073190d04acdb380 lets-talk-about-gay-shame full 1 2 In this episode, we're talking about gay shame - and not in the way you might expect.


This isn't about hating yourself for being gay. It's the quieter stuff. Lowering your voice around straight men.

Calling your boyfriend "they" in certain conversations. Laughing at a joke that actually stings.


We get into where that shame comes from, how it gets passed down through playgrounds and classrooms and silence, and why it's so hard to spot in your adult life - because by the time you're grown, it doesn't look like shame anymore. It looks like perfectionism, or people-pleasing, or always finding a reason to walk away from the good stuff. If any of that sounds familiar, this one's for you.



Want to go deeper?

The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.com

Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_

If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.

Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

]]> In this episode, we're talking about gay shame - and not in the way you might expect.


This isn't about hating yourself for being gay. It's the quieter stuff. Lowering your voice around straight men.

Calling your boyfriend "they" in certain conversations. Laughing at a joke that actually stings.


We get into where that shame comes from, how it gets passed down through playgrounds and classrooms and silence, and why it's so hard to spot in your adult life - because by the time you're grown, it doesn't look like shame anymore. It looks like perfectionism, or people-pleasing, or always finding a reason to walk away from the good stuff. If any of that sounds familiar, this one's for you.



Want to go deeper?

The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.com

Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_

If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.

Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

]]> the dark side of growing up gay the dark side of growing up gay Wed, 01 Apr 2026 17:00:00 GMT 8:23 69bc1ec5007cdcf83f6d0639 true https://shows.acast.com/hey-gay-boy/episodes/the-dark-side-of-growing-up-gay 69bc1ec5007cdcf83f6d0639 69ba7cf8073190d04acdb380 the-dark-side-of-growing-up-gay the trauma that never leaves you full 1 3 In this episode, we're getting into something that doesn't get talked about enough - the trauma that comes with growing up gay, and why it doesn't just disappear once you're out.


This isn't about the coming out story. It's about everything else. The daily conditioning, the messages you absorbed without realising, and the very real psychological toll of spending years navigating a world that wasn't built for you.


We get into minority stress, internalised homophobia, and why so many of the ways we learned to survive, the scanning of rooms, the coded language, the constant editing of ourselves, are still quietly running in the background today.


Because it's not as simple as getting over it.


Links:

If you fancy reading you can discover the Hey Gay Boy Substack here: jameswallis0.substack.com


Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis or TikTok @jameswallis_


If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis - it really does help!


Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis


x

Want to go deeper?

The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.com

Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_

If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.

Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

]]> In this episode, we're getting into something that doesn't get talked about enough - the trauma that comes with growing up gay, and why it doesn't just disappear once you're out.


This isn't about the coming out story. It's about everything else. The daily conditioning, the messages you absorbed without realising, and the very real psychological toll of spending years navigating a world that wasn't built for you.


We get into minority stress, internalised homophobia, and why so many of the ways we learned to survive, the scanning of rooms, the coded language, the constant editing of ourselves, are still quietly running in the background today.


Because it's not as simple as getting over it.


Links:

If you fancy reading you can discover the Hey Gay Boy Substack here: jameswallis0.substack.com


Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis or TikTok @jameswallis_


If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis - it really does help!


Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis


x

Want to go deeper?

The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.com

Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_

If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.

Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

]]> welcome to hey gay boy welcome to hey gay boy Wed, 18 Mar 2026 11:32:41 GMT 3:35 69ba8ac1073190d04ad1b81e false https://shows.acast.com/hey-gay-boy/episodes/welcome-to-hey-gay-boy 69ba8ac1073190d04ad1b81e 69ba7cf8073190d04acdb380 welcome-to-hey-gay-boy trailer Hello and thanks for being here.


Welcome to Hey Gay Boy, the official home for reflections on growing up gay.


This podcast is for gay men who grew up carrying things they didn't have a name for. The performing, the loneliness, the relationships that made no sense until they suddenly did.


Each episode is a short, honest reflection on the psychology of growing up gay, based on years of immersing myself in the topic and of course reflecting on my own lived experience and therapy sessions. I'm endlessly curious about the stuff that shaped us long before we understood it.


There are no guests (at least not yet). No panel discussions. Just me, a microphone, and the conversations I wish someone had started sooner.


If that sounds like your kind of thing, hit follow so you don't miss the first episode, coming very soon. To make sure you don't miss it, subscribe or follow from wherever you're listening.


I hope you enjoy it. My plan is to make sure there is something for everyone here, because of course we didn't all have one singular, monolithic journey.


Lots more to come.

Thanks again,

James x


Thanks again,


James x

Want to go deeper?

The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.com

Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_

If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.

Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

]]> Hello and thanks for being here.


Welcome to Hey Gay Boy, the official home for reflections on growing up gay.


This podcast is for gay men who grew up carrying things they didn't have a name for. The performing, the loneliness, the relationships that made no sense until they suddenly did.


Each episode is a short, honest reflection on the psychology of growing up gay, based on years of immersing myself in the topic and of course reflecting on my own lived experience and therapy sessions. I'm endlessly curious about the stuff that shaped us long before we understood it.


There are no guests (at least not yet). No panel discussions. Just me, a microphone, and the conversations I wish someone had started sooner.


If that sounds like your kind of thing, hit follow so you don't miss the first episode, coming very soon. To make sure you don't miss it, subscribe or follow from wherever you're listening.


I hope you enjoy it. My plan is to make sure there is something for everyone here, because of course we didn't all have one singular, monolithic journey.


Lots more to come.

Thanks again,

James x


Thanks again,


James x

Want to go deeper?

The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.com

Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_

If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.

Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

]]>