Rachel Lawson's The Magicians: Why Am I Always Juliet? podcast

Why Am I Always Juliet? podcast promo

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 08:59:33 GMT

Lucius Silver hates being Juliet. Blake Mortimer hates being Romeo. Shakespeare thinks they’re brilliant. The Queen thinks she’s doing them a favour. Everyone else thinks they’re witches. Welcome to the most disastrous Shakespeare production in history — where the storms are real, the daggers are sharp, and Juliet keeps trying to kill the playwright. This is Why Am I Always Juliet? — a supernatural comedy of errors where death, fate, and Elizabethan theatre collide.

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Don't Call Me Juliet! A Time Traveller's Lament v2

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 07:17:43 GMT

Outro

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Chapter 30 — And The Cycle Continues

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 07:15:04 GMT

Days later, Blake and Lucius return to the Globe, cloaks pulled tight against the cold, trudging through moonlit silence like two men walking back into a crime scene.

They breathe in the familiar wooden beams, the chill, the ghosts of every disaster they’ve ever performed.

Lucius calls the new play one of the Bard’s better ones. Blake doubts all of them. They reminisce about killing Romeo and Juliet. They admit they were a brilliant disaster.

Then comes the casting.

Blake groans — the King of Death forced to play the King of the Fairies.

Lucius huffs — forever doomed to be a woman.

They reach the rehearsal room door. Blake sighs. Lucius rolls his eyes.

Inside, Shakespeare beams far too brightly for the hour, the cold, or their mood.

“Oberon and Titania, ready for rehearsal?”

Blake and Lucius exchange the look of two men who have survived catastrophe together and are about to walk willingly into another.

Lucius mutters he hates everything.

Blake mutters he’s not wearing wings.

The candles flicker. The cold settles. The stage waits.

And the chaos begins again.

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Chapter 29 — A New Play, A New Day

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 07:12:21 GMT

Weeks later, Blake and Lucius sit in the green room looking thoroughly depressed — condemned by royal decree to remain in the Chamberlain’s Men. The Queen thinks she’s doing them a favour. They think it’s a sentence. Shakespeare arrives far too cheerful, announcing their new roles with the smile of a man who enjoys their suffering. Blake groans. Lucius mutters. Shakespeare pats Lucius’s shoulder and calls him “a perfect woman.” The cast buzzes happily with their new parts. Blake and Lucius feel like the only two men awaiting execution. Then Bottom arrives — cheerful, oblivious, delighted — and asks their roles. Blake admits he’s Oberon. Lucius confesses he’s Titania. Bottom laughs, saying the roles were made for them. Lucius smiles sweetly and calls him an ass. Bottom beams, missing the insult entirely. Blake leans in, whispering, “He is an ass.” Lucius nods. “And we’re the fairies.” They groan together — two immortals trapped in yet another Shakespearean disaster.

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Chapter 28 — Juliet Does Not Bow

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 07:09:07 GMT

Blake’s afterlife office is small, dark, and coffin‑quiet — the perfect place for a post‑mortem debrief. Lucius sits shivering in a rickety chair while Blake, in full Reaper form, looms behind a desk of glowing paperwork. The verdict arrives in Blake’s hollow echo: “You bowed.” Lucius panics. Blake repeats it. In a wedding dress. While dead. A parchment writes an incident report on its own. The cupboard creaks ominously. Lucius apologises. Blake softens — slightly — before reminding him he ruined “most things.” But then comes the twist: the Queen loved it. She called them her best comedians. Romeo and Juliet is now officially a comedy. Lucius groans. Blake gestures at his skeletal form, noting Shakespeare already tried to kill him. They laugh — a little. And when Blake reveals they’ve been promoted as the Queen’s favourite performers, both immortals groan in perfect unison… as the cupboard creaks its agreement.

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Act 4 The cycle continues.: Chapter 27 — Fallout

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 07:02:36 GMT

Backstage after the most chaotic performance in Globe Theatre history, Blake and Lucius stand sheepishly, bracing for execution — or worse, Shakespeare’s disappointment. The cast is furious. Shakespeare looks ready to explode. He demands answers, scolds them, and waits for an explanation that never comes. Then the door opens. A woman enters. A woman no one recognises. A woman who absolutely shouldn’t be there. Shakespeare freezes. Blake and Lucius brace for doom. But instead of condemnation, she delivers praise — warm, delighted, heartfelt. She calls their disaster the best show she’s ever seen. Lucius brightens. Blake blinks. Shakespeare nearly faints. Because the woman is Queen Elizabeth I. She declares them the troupe’s best comedians and sweeps out, leaving Shakespeare staring at his two chaotic immortals. They gulp. “You were lucky,” he says darkly. And they know he’s right.

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Chapter 26 — Juliet Takes a Bow

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 06:57:28 GMT

The laughter from the corpse‑kiss still echoes through the Globe when Blake rises, trying desperately to salvage the tragedy. Lucius lies frozen on the bier, mortified beyond words. Shakespeare prays backstage. The Queen wipes tears of laughter from her eyes. Blake reaches out to help Juliet’s “body” rise… and Lucius panics. He sits up too fast. The audience erupts again. Trying to regain dignity, Lucius remembers — vaguely — that Juliet should curtsy. But panic wins. He gathers his skirt like a duelist and delivers a full, stiff, masculine bow — knight‑to‑monarch — in Juliet’s wedding gown. The Queen howls with laughter. The audience explodes. Shakespeare ages ten years. Lucius whispers, “I panicked.” Blake whispers back, “You think?” And the most chaotic ending in theatre history barrels forward, unstoppable and adored.

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Chapter 25 — Kissing Death

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 06:55:25 GMT

The final kiss looms — unavoidable, inevitable, and utterly terrifying. Lucius lies on the bier looking less like a tragic heroine and more like a man experiencing existential panic. Blake approaches him like someone about to kiss a corpse that might suddenly sit up and scream. The audience leans in. The Queen leans in. Shakespeare prays for one normal moment. Lucius twitches. Blake jumps. Laughter erupts. And when Blake finally kisses him, it’s stiff, hesitant, eyes half‑open — the least romantic death‑scene kiss ever performed. Queen Elizabeth claps with delight. Shakespeare staggers backstage, mourning his tragedy. Lucius opens his eyes, mortified. Blake pulls back, equally mortified. Two immortals stare at each other, knowing they have just created theatre history… for all the wrong reasons.

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Chapter 24 — Titania at the Altar

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 06:52:37 GMT

The wedding scene glows under candlelight… and immediately catches fire.

Blake’s nerves spark into lightning. Lucius trembles in a wedding dress he despises. Shakespeare raises his hands solemnly — and chaos answers.

A spark jumps.

Lucius flinches.

Blake glows.

And Lucius, in a moment of panic, calls him Titania.

The audience leans in. Shakespeare dies inside. Blake freezes, insulted as the fairy queen.

More sparks fly. The Queen laughs. The crowd roars.

Shakespeare mutters that this is not A Midsummer Night’s Dream, while Lucius pats Blake’s arm and insists he’s a “powerful fairy queen.”

Lightning snaps again.

The vows nearly explode.

And the most chaotic wedding scene in theatre history barrels forward — unstoppable, electric, and utterly unforgettable.

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Chapter 23 — No Kissing Please!

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 06:50:11 GMT

The moment they feared most arrives — the kiss. Romeo steps forward, trembling with reverence. Juliet answers, voice shaking. The audience leans in. Shakespeare leans in. Even the Queen leans in. Blake’s hand twitches. Lucius’s lip twitches. And instead of a kiss… Romeo extends his hand like a diplomat greeting a foreign ambassador. Juliet grabs it and shakes — solemn, formal, painfully awkward — sealing the most dignified non‑kiss in theatre history. The Queen bursts into laughter. The audience roars. Shakespeare staggers backstage, clutching his chest, mourning his ruined sonnet. Lucius drops Blake’s hand like it’s on fire. Blake wipes his palm. And the play continues — forever marked by the infamous handshake heard ’round the Globe.

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Chapter 22 — Juliet Takes the Lead

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 06:47:21 GMT

The ball scene begins in perfect harmony — music, colour, elegance — until Juliet forgets he’s supposed to be a woman. Lucius instinctively takes the lead, guiding Blake with the confident precision of a trained male dancer. Blake stumbles. Then trips. Then falls flat. The audience erupts with laughter. Queen Elizabeth claps with delight. Shakespeare watches from the wings, horrified, whispering that they’ve ruined his play. But the crowd loves it — roaring so loudly Blake and Lucius can barely be heard. Juliet takes the lead, Romeo takes the fall, and the Globe witnesses a disaster so funny it becomes the highlight of the night.

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Chapter 21 — The Scene Was Electric

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 06:44:34 GMT

Opening night begins flawlessly… until Romeo reaches for Juliet. Blake delivers his line with too much passion, and lightning snaps from his fingers, striking Lucius on the balcony. Juliet nearly tumbles. Romeo panics. The audience freezes. Blake’s wife goes pale. Queen Elizabeth laughs. The crowd follows her lead. Lucius glowers down, wondering how Angela survives Blake’s emotional storms, while Blake desperately tries to calm the magic crackling under his skin. The lightning fades, the scene recovers, and the play continues — but everyone onstage braces for the next supernatural disaster.

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ACT 3 The Play Goes Off The Rails.: Chapter 20 — Pre‑Show Panic

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 06:42:15 GMT

Opening night looms, and the Globe trembles. Lucius paces in his Juliet dress like an angry ghost, threatening to quit for the hundredth time. Blake hides in a corner, rereading the script until the ink might wear off, terrified he’ll faint onstage. Shakespeare arrives with a fresh bruise and a terrible idea — rewriting the ending again — only to be shouted down by the cast. But the real disaster strikes when Lucius opens the program. It calls him Lucy Silver. Panic erupts. Blake tries to calm him. Lucius imagines the audience laughing. Blake begs him to think quieter. Two immortals spiral into chaos as the curtain draws near… and neither is ready for what comes next.

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Chapter 19 — The Dead Scene

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 06:39:10 GMT

The magic is gone.

Shaken by the accidental kiss, Romeo and Juliet return to the stage as two men desperately trying not to feel anything. Blake recites his lines like a wooden plank, dies like a man eager to escape, and refuses to look at Lucius at all.

Lucius rises too fast, mumbles every line, pecks Blake’s cheek like a terrified diplomat, and dies with the enthusiasm of someone doing chores.

The cast stares, horrified.

Shakespeare beams, calling it “revolutionary.”

Everyone else thinks he’s lost his mind — including the two immortals who just delivered the worst romance in theatre history.

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Chapter 18 — The Accidental Romance

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 06:34:21 GMT

Blake delivers his line with unexpected sincerity — rich, steady, heartbreakingly real. Then he kisses Juliet. A kiss so convincing that Lucius forgets himself for a single, impossible heartbeat. He forgets the dress, the humiliation, the century… and remembers only the illusion Blake creates. But reality crashes back: he is kissing Death. Lucius freezes, lips burning, mortified. Blake pulls away, equally stunned. Shakespeare screams with joy, convinced he has witnessed genius. The wardrobe mistress swoons. Blake insists he doesn’t do romance. Lucius begs him to stop doing that. And beneath the applause, both men know the truth: the moment was real… and neither wants to talk about it.

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Chapter 17 — The Greatest Amateur Actor

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 06:31:39 GMT

The scene Lucius feared most finally arrives — the kiss, the dagger, the death. But something shifts. Kneeling beside Blake, heart pounding, Lucius delivers the performance of a lifetime: a kiss born of professionalism, a monologue carved from raw emotion, and a death so convincing the entire theatre forgets he ever hated the role. Every line lands. Every tear shines. Every gesture is perfection. Even Blake, pretending to be dead, cracks an eye open to watch in awe. When Lucius falls, the cast rises — applauding the man they once called an amateur. And just like that, Juliet earns his crown… and silences every critic in the room.

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Chapter 16 — The Lovers Bond

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 06:28:46 GMT

Twilight settles over the theatre, and two immortals sit together in the dimness — not lovers, but two men trapped in a romance neither wants. The looming kiss hangs over them like a storm cloud, fraying nerves and shredding pride. They cannot refuse. They cannot quit. The Queen herself demands their performance. So Fate and Death confide in each other quietly, honestly, gently — soothing nerves, steadying minds, and holding each other together in a moment of shared dread. Two friends bound not by love, but by fear… and the strange comfort only they can give each other.

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Chapter 15 — A Matter of Opinion

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 06:27:10 GMT

The Globe is on edge. Romeo and Juliet arrive shaken — Blake still reeling from last night’s forced kiss, Lucius still burning with humiliation and fury. Shakespeare walks in with a spectacular bruise, the cast muttering that the pair are amateurs, disasters, and should be replaced. But the playwright beams, calling them new blood, fresh blood, visionaries. The troupe groans. Lucius rolls his eyes. Blake watches him like a man guarding a lit fuse. And rehearsal begins — tense, dangerous, and one insult away from exploding.

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Chapter 14 — Romeo and Juliet Refuse to Kiss

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 06:23:12 GMT

The final scene demands a kiss. Lucius refuses. Blake refuses harder. Shakespeare tries to force them. Two immortals panic, argue, and stand their ground. Romeo and Juliet will die onstage — but they absolutely will not kiss.

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Chapter 13 — The Art of War

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 06:21:46 GMT

Lucius twirls a dagger. Blake scolds him telepathically. Shakespeare calls him “Lucy” and “boy,” and Lucius nearly explodes. Blake sees murder in his eyes — again. And the war between Fate and Death simmers beneath the surface of a very fragile rehearsal.

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Chapter 12 — Shakespeare’s Disastrous Rewrite

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 06:19:52 GMT

Shakespeare proudly unveils his new death scene… written in modern English. The cast is horrified. Blake accidentally summons a storm. Lucius accidentally summons a cyclone. And the playwright decides maybe — just maybe — the original script was better.

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Chapter 11 — The Lovers’ Quarrel

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 06:18:28 GMT

Juliet kicks Romeo in the ribs. Romeo screams. Shakespeare demands answers. Lucius and Blake argue about life, death, and a soul Blake processed without permission — a conversation no human should ever hear. Shakespeare runs off to write it into the play.

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ACT 2 Rehearsals Of Anarchy: Chapter 10 — The Go‑Between

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 06:15:38 GMT

Mercutio tries to fix the feud between Romeo and Juliet. He regrets it instantly. Shakespeare arrives with a new rewrite inspired by Blake’s accidental modern‑day outburst. Lucius panics. Blake groans. And the playwright wanders off to ruin the script.

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Chapter 9 — Romeo Hates Juliet

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 06:12:58 GMT

Rumors swirl: Romeo and Juliet are witches. The cast is terrified. Blake and Lucius don’t curse people — it’s rude — but they do hate each other. And when asked why, Blake gives the simplest answer: “How would you feel if you had to kiss your friend?”

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Chapter 8 — Blake Loses Control

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 06:11:25 GMT

The balcony scene returns — and Blake’s nerves explode into a storm. Lightning snaps. Wind howls. Scripts fly. Lucius falls from the balcony… and descends like a glowing celestial being. Shakespeare demands they “do it again.” Blake refuses. Lucius swears. Chaos wins.

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Chapter 7 — Argent, We Need to Talk

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 06:04:56 GMT

Backstage, Blake drags Lucius into a confrontation centuries overdue. Lucius hates the dress. Hates the role. Hates being small. Blake reminds him that execution is a very real possibility — and that kissing him is absolutely off the table. Two immortals negotiate peace… barely.

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Chapter 6 — O Happy Dagger

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 06:03:28 GMT

Juliet leans over Romeo’s “dead” body… and Blake feels a feather‑light touch on his lips. Before he can panic, Lucius grabs the dagger — and nearly stabs Shakespeare for calling him “boy.” Two immortals hiss their true names at each other. The playwright never realises how close he came to death.

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Chapter 5 — In the Wings

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 06:01:49 GMT

Blake listens from the shadows, waiting for the moment Lucius snaps. He’s saved Shakespeare twice already — and the next scene is dangerous. As the friar hands Juliet the sleeping draft, Blake braces himself. Because when Lucius loses control, someone usually dies.

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Chapter 4 — Juliet Attacks Romeo

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 06:00:07 GMT

Lucius delivers Juliet’s lines like a tragic king. Blake recites Romeo’s speech like a confused tourist. Shoes break, tempers flare, and Shakespeare watches the chaos with delighted fascination. Juliet is furious. Romeo is baffled. And the wardrobe mistress is ready to kill someone.

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Chapter 3 The Reluctant Juliet

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 05:58:04 GMT

Romeo leans in for the kiss. Juliet panics. Blake tries to play the scene. Lucius bites him. Shakespeare swoons. The cast freezes. And the rehearsal collapses in the most chaotic “romantic moment” the Globe has ever seen.

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Chapter 2 Lucius Silver vs. William Shakespeare

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 05:56:16 GMT

Lucius faces his greatest enemy: not death, not fate… but wardrobe. Dragged onstage in a dress he despises, humiliated by Shakespeare’s praise, and one heartbeat away from throttling the playwright, Lucius fights for dignity while Blake fights to keep him out of prison.

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Act 1 Much Ado About Juliet: Chapter 1 Cast Against Their Will

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 05:54:36 GMT

A time‑lost Shakespearean actor refuses to be Juliet… but Queen Elizabeth has other ideas. Lucius Silver is dragged into the past, shoved into a dress, and forced to play the one role he hates most — while his storm‑summoning best friend is cast as Romeo. Two immortals. One furious playwright. And a disaster about to begin.

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Don't Call Me Juliet! A Time Traveller's Lament - Introduction

Thu, 09 Jul 2026 05:51:31 GMT

Introduction

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Why Am I Always Juliet? - Full reading

Wed, 08 Jul 2026 14:38:09 GMT

The full reading

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The Magicians Podcast Promo

Mon, 06 Jul 2026 05:37:36 GMT

Like this check out "Rachel Lawson's The Magicians Podcast" here https://shows.acast.com/rachel-lawsons-the-magicians-podcast Rachel's flag ship Podcast

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Don't Call Me Juliet- podcast outro

Mon, 06 Jul 2026 05:27:08 GMT

The podcast outro song.

See the music video for this song here https://youtu.be/l6JGCGgtwkU

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Don't Call Me Juilet- Intro verson

Mon, 06 Jul 2026 05:21:33 GMT

The podcast Intro song by the author of the story

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