Austin Anderson Show

Daddy Came Back (Lobster Tails, Bad Remakes & Finding Hope in a Broken World)

Thu, 19 Feb 2026 16:51:27 GMT

After disappearing for a bit, Austin finally returns — and yes, he knows he said he’d be back sooner.

This episode kicks off the comeback with life updates, a hilarious grocery store story involving government benefits and eight lobster tails, and a brutally honest rant about terrible movie remakes (looking directly at The Running Man). From there, things swing into unexpected joy with an incredible Eric Church concert, progress on the Ranch Bowl documentary, and reflections on creativity, nostalgia, and why real art still matters.

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I Choose Jesus Over the Machine (And I’m Not Sorry) | Ep. 88

Fri, 23 Jan 2026 16:00:00 GMT

I’m bad at the game of life because the game is rigged. So this episode goes straight for the throat.

We talk about opting out of a broken system, why everyone feels dead inside, why kindness feels illegal on the interstate, and why faith in Jesus isn’t something I argue anymore, it’s something I cling to like a life raft in a burning world.

This isn’t theology class.

This is rage, repentance, hypocrisy, mercy, pride, daily sin, and that stupid plank jammed in all our eyeballs.

The world says fix everyone else. Jesus says start with yourself.

I chose Jesus. Not science-as-religion. Not power. Not the machine. If that bothers you, this episode definitely will.

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I Disappeared, Moved into a Farmhouse, and Now It’s 2026 (Gas, Billionaires & the Antichrist)

Mon, 19 Jan 2026 16:00:00 GMT

I’m back. Barely.

After disappearing to survive a full-blown farmhouse move—from Christmas Eve to mid-January—I crawl back behind the mic to explain why my life turned into a Home Depot fever dream. No doors. Movers with bald tires. Windstorms. Lost phone chargers. A Ron White cigar shrine in rural Nebraska. This episode is a reset. A ramble. A “hey, I’m still alive.” Tomorrow we’re back to a real show, today is just taking care of business.

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Adam Devine Comes Home: Netflix Dreams, Megachurch Jets & God Hitting Fabio with a Goose | Ep. 86

Tue, 23 Dec 2025 17:13:49 GMT

Adam Devine talksabout coming home to film his first Netflix special at the Orpheum, zig-zagging across the country on tour, and how life looks different when you’re no longer the Workaholics maniac but also definitely still a maniac.

We get into Nebraska’s “honestly, it’s not for everyone” slogan, shooting a special in front of family and friends, working with legends like John Goodman and Danny McBride on The Righteous Gemstones, and the strange moment when you realize you’ve grown up… because you’re cutting off skin tags with pliers instead of calling a doctor.

Somewhere along the way we also cover corrupt televangelists with private jets named after the Trinity, why parades are psychological warfare, and the undeniable proof that God has a sense of humor—because He once took out Fabio with a suicidal goose on a roller coaster.

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Skunk Spray, Shoulder Rubs, and TLC Nostalgia | Ep. 85

Mon, 22 Dec 2025 16:06:47 GMT

In this episode, Austin rolls into the studio running on burnt coffee, bad decisions, and the lingering stench of mercy. Fresh off a comedy show for accountants, he breaks down the strangest crowd interaction of his career, including rubbing the shoulders of a man who refused to turn around and later turned out to own the company. From declaring himself the honorary mayor of Wahoo, to free-plugging the local meat locker, to accidentally inventing an all-natural skunk-based nasal spray, this episode is a full sprint through sleep deprivation, stand-up chaos, and small-town mythology. Add in climate satire, TLC nostalgia, box wine communion, and a co-host fleeing the studio mid-spray, and you’ve got a perfectly unhinged morning radio monologue that somehow still lands the plane.

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He Put a Six-Figure Budget on Finding Bigfoot | Ep. 84

Fri, 19 Dec 2025 16:00:00 GMT

What if Bigfoot isn’t just a blurry VHS fever dream… but a real, flesh-and-bone creature that’s just smarter than us?

In this episode, I sit down with Gary Volkmann, a man who didn’t just talk about finding Bigfoot — he funded it. Six figures. A full film crew. And a world-renowned PhD anthropologist, Dr. Jeff Meldrum, as his right-hand man.

We get into:

Why a Thanksgiving dinner argument launched a full-blown Sasquatch hunt
Ancient apes, human evolution, and why Bigfoot might be closer to us than we’re comfortable admitting
Terrifying field encounters: bacon-scented sightings, rifled backpacks, unscrewed peanut butter jars, and a 16.5-inch footprint next to a tent
Why Bigfoot might be the most intelligent great ape on the planet
Native American lore, totem poles, ancient cave art, and why this story shows up everywhere… across cultures, continents, and centuries
And why capturing Bigfoot on film might be harder than filming a black bear crossing a logging road

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My Shed Exploded, Alex Jones Was Funny, and I Think Everyone’s Lying | Ep. 83

Thu, 18 Dec 2025 16:19:38 GMT

The Nebraska wind didn’t just knock over lawn furniture — it straight-up detonated one of my sheds like God got bored and flicked the earth. From there, things spiral fast.

I talk about the raw, terrifying power of weather, governments wanting control of the elements, Alex Jones absolutely bodying Piers Morgan (and why, whether he’s wrong or not, the man is objectively hilarious), and why it feels like politics, media, and culture are just professional wrestling with better lighting.

We get into why nobody ever delivers real solutions, why conspiracies rot your brain if you stare too long, why JFK is still unsolved 60 years later, and why the older I get, the more I think the real rebellion might be unplugging, raising your kids, helping your neighbors, reading your Bible, and singing Christmas carols with people who’ve been forgotten.

Also: Barbara Bush. I said what I said.

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Spider Guys, Bong Water, and the Slow Death of Customer Service | Ep. 82

Wed, 17 Dec 2025 17:11:16 GMT

Austin recounts a series of strange, hilarious, and slightly haunting encounters across three Casey’s gas stations in one night. There’s a tarantula-loving cashier with a “spider guy,” a pizza cook higher than Goonies’ Sloth, and a third Casey’s employee who commits the ultimate sin: refusing to make breadsticks 15 minutes before close.

From awkward bong banter to half-cheese pizza crimes, this episode spirals into conspiracy theories, Epstein files, Eyes Wide Shut deep dives, the darkness of the world, and somehow ends with Austin pitching a gritty Santa Claus reboot where the kid offs his dad to become St. Nick.

Just another day on The Austin Anderson Show.

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The Day the News Tried to Kill Me | Ep. 81

Tue, 16 Dec 2025 16:40:43 GMT

Look, I sat down to check the news and immediately got hit with a wall of madness: conspiracies, celebrity meltdowns, earthquakes, blue aliens I don’t trust, and weed so strong it’ll make you scream louder than a TikTok mom in a hospital gown. And somehow—somehow—we end the whole thing debating Al Gore’s weather prophecies, Trump’s psychological profile, and why the government wants me to subscribe to 47 different news apps just to learn that Oreos are apparently trying to assassinate us.

It’s chaos. It’s America. It’s my show.

Come hang out while I stumble through the headlines like a man trying to read Vanity Fair with a nicotine patch falling off his neck, rant about medical marijuana turning people into human lava lamps, defend the honor of 1999 ditch weed, and try to understand why God loves me enough to let me survive another news cycle.

A full ride through political weirdness, cultural nonsense, scientific panic, and that one trucker who told me to move my fat ass.

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Fart Crimes, Fake Saints, and Flying Cars | Ep. 80

Mon, 15 Dec 2025 16:00:00 GMT

Welcome to another episode, where I—your loyal narrator—try to make sense of a world where Hollywood royalty gets murdered by their own kids, politicians use tragedy as a punchline, and somewhere in an Albertsons a woman is calling 911 because a stranger farted in her face.

Today we wander through the global horrors—ISIS pledges, celebrity throat-slittings, conspiracy theorists with way too much free time—and somehow end up debating whether a fart can be considered a hate crime.

We talk Make-A-Wish numbers, The Rock’s petty beefs, John Cena being the Oprah of dying kids, flying cars that look like the drone aisle at Costco mated with a Prius, and the Chiefs falling apart like a Dollar Store lawn chair under a 400-pound uncle.

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The Piggy Wars, Alien Butt Probes & Why Comedians Are Just Professional Haters | Ep. 79

Fri, 12 Dec 2025 16:31:48 GMT

Welcome back to another episode of The Austin Anderson Show, where I wander into the day like a man who lost his sanity, and his will to behave, and just hit record anyway. Today’s episode starts with chimney sweeps, Gremlins trauma, and somehow ends with Candace Owens prophesying doom, Gavin Newsom calling Trump a piggy while telling us not to say piggy, and the entire conservative podcast world turning into a WWE cage match.

Along the way I break down why comedians are basically just professional shit-talkers, remember the days I nearly died performing in an internet café for homeless dudes and a transgender, tell a story about strangers doing bong rips on Sublime’s singer’s grave, and dive deep into the CIA possibly being the original alien-abduction cosplay squad.

Yes. All of that is in one episode.

If that sounds unhinged, congratulations—you’re paying attention. Enjoy the chaos, the honesty, the jokes, and the confused political scream-fest that is America 2025.

Buckle up, piggies.

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Diddy, Daniel 11, and the Death-By-Poison Queen of Petty | Ep.78

Fri, 12 Dec 2025 16:29:05 GMT

🚨Something went wrong and this episode did not post yesterday. So here it is. 🚨

Today on The Austin Anderson Show, we take a hard left turn—like going from a church potluck straight into a WWE cage match. I start with the new Diddy documentary (The Reckoning), which is basically a three-episode warning label for hubris, ego, and whatever dark spiritual forces you get when you pray to the wrong ancestors. Then we swerve straight into Daniel 11, where ancient kings are doing Game-of-Thrones cosplay centuries before HBO existed.

Alexander the Great shows up, conquers the world, dies at 32 because apparently greatness comes with an expiration date, and then the whole empire gets carved up like Thanksgiving turkey.

And then—oh then—we meet Laodice, the ancient world’s answer to “If Lifetime made a movie about a woman who poisons everybody.” She takes out her husband, the new wife, the kids… basically speed-runs a family annihilation like she’s trying to unlock achievements.

We wrap with me complaining about lugging PA equipment to a luncheon gig like I’m suddenly the world’s saddest roadie.

It's theology, history, comedy, and whatever this life is I’m living—all in one place.

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The Sonic Egg Crisis and Nickelback Conspiracy | Ep. 77

Wed, 10 Dec 2025 17:20:40 GMT

Today’s episode is what happens when your laptop hits 9% battery and your soul hits 9% patience. I stumble in here trying to teach Daniel 11, but instead the show derails into a full-scale emotional hostage situation involving Sonic, Panera, and the unholy $9.56 egg sandwich that broke my spirit.

We talk about how fast food has become a psychological warfare program, how Chick-fil-A is the last working institution in America, and why Nickelback went from post-9/11 superweapon to the most bullied band in human history.

Then I dive headfirst into a conspiracy so stupid it might actually be true: Did the media engineer our hatred of Nickelback? Did Brian Posehn accidentally pull the first domino? Did MTV decide dads shouldn’t have feelings? Did record labels sabotage them? I’m not saying yes… I’m saying maybe??

Plus: me shadowboxing over tater tots, Hollywood tap-dancing into AI oblivion, DiCaprio movies being $19.99, and one documentary autoplaying itself into my brain at exactly the wrong moment.

It’s chaos. It’s therapy. It’s rage-eating Panera bagels while ranting about Rolling Stone and Lynyrd Skynyrd’s ghost taking revenge on Mick Jagger’s catwalk.

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Lost Notes, Fentanyl Zombies, & California’s Park of Dreams | Ep. 76

Tue, 09 Dec 2025 17:24:54 GMT

Look, today’s episode was supposed to be a respectable, Bible-nerd deep dive into Daniel 11… but nope. My notes pulled a full Rapture and vanished into the ether. So instead, you get the show that slid out of the emergency exit of my brain: a wild, unfiltered rant about California’s newest tourist attraction—MacArthur Park, aka the Fentanyl Zombie Thunderdome.

I walk you through a public park that’s turned into a live-action Demolition Man reboot, complete with city-funded crack pipes, rats that probably have a Yelp rating, and politicians who seem determined to speedrun the Book of Judges.

It’s chaos. It’s comedy. It’s social commentary with two missing lug nuts and a bad attitude. And yes—the Daniel 11 breakdown is coming tomorrow (assuming my notes stop playing hide-and-seek with my sanity).

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Shoot Your Way Out of Omaha, Baby Jesus, and the Antichrist Peace Prize | Ep. 75

Mon, 08 Dec 2025 17:09:13 GMT

Welcome to another episode of “Austin Rambles Into the Apocalypse”—the only show where a quick stop at a small-town gas station turns into a full theological crisis. Today I break down the Muppet-voiced old-timer who thinks Omaha is a warzone where you need to “shoot your way out,” the Vietnam grandpa who walked into a church board meeting like a one-man Cabela’s clearance rack, and the joy of performing at the newly polished Admiral where the ceiling still cries water for reasons unknown.

Then we nosedive—hard—into the spiritual chaos of Donald Trump accepting an award that literally quotes messianic prophecy about Jesus. Yeah. That happened.

And then I start reading Daniel like a man who forgot his meds but loves the Lord. It’s Bible study meets stand-up meets a guy who worked on a chicken coop at 5AM and is slowly becoming an honorary Mexican uncle. Strap in. It’s a wild one.

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Platypus, Death Posts, and Virgin Jack Reacher: A Journey Into Absolute Nonsense | Ep. 74

Fri, 05 Dec 2025 16:17:01 GMT

This episode is basically what happens when you put my brain in a blender with a Red Hot Chili Peppers lyric, a Wikipedia tab, and whatever unresolved childhood issues made me yell at Facebook strangers for not listing cause of death. We kick things off with Anthony Kiedis whispering “platypus are few,” and suddenly I’m knee-deep in Australian wildlife, venomous mammals, and the possibility that Kiedis maintains his physique by suckling magical marsupial protein shakes straight from the source.

Then we take a hard left—like, tires-squealing hard—into a public service announcement about obituary etiquette (JUST TELL US HOW THEY DIED), followed by a spiritual cry for a celibate Jack Reacher who gets superpowers from being unfailingly, aggressively virgin.

And if you thought we were done? No. No, friend. We close with a full cinematic universe starring Michael J. Fox (with Parkinson’s), time travel, self-slapping, trauma loops, and the worst pitch for a trilogy Hollywood will never make.

It’s chaos. It’s educational. It’s inappropriate. It’s me.

Buckle up. Or don’t. Honestly, nothing can prepare you for this fever dream.

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Alien Heartbeats, Christmas Hot Takes, and the Bill Murray Massage Van | Ep. 73

Thu, 04 Dec 2025 16:12:38 GMT

Welcome back to whatever fever dream we’re calling The Austin Anderson Show, where today we cover everything from space rocks with heartbeats to the blasphemy that is “Tim Burton Christmas Movies.” I mean, apparently there’s an asteroid thumping its chest like it’s trying out for Stomp, and people are out here prepping for aliens like they’re gonna land, shake hands, and ask where the nearest Panera is. Spoiler: if aliens do show up, I’m calling BS till the day they laser me.

Then we roll right into the sacred holiday canon—Home Alone supremacy, why Elf grew on me, and the absolute demon energy behind calling Eyes Wide Shut a Christmas movie. I also publicly confess my Bill-Murray-is-a-creepy-camp-counselor take, which will surely get me banned from film school reunions.

It’s chaotic, it’s festive, it’s deeply opinionated, and it smells faintly like peppermint and regret. Come hang out and send me the Christmas movies you love so I can gently roast them or aggressively defend them—your choice. austinandersonshow@gmail.com

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Elk, Eagles & Existential Crisis at 32 Degrees | Ep. 72

Wed, 03 Dec 2025 16:55:58 GMT

Welcome back to The Austin Anderson Show, where the weather is confused, the wildlife is traumatized, and I’m just out here trying to figure out if the government is stalking my hypothetical hat made of illegal feathers. In today’s episode, we go on a full-tilt, caffeine-fueled wander through Nebraska history, dead-bird law, elk genocide, buffalo sniping, why hunters scare me more than the deer do, and whether or not the feds will kick your door in because you asked Google a spicy question.

We talk Somalis, Super Bowl disasters, Ben Stiller going full political mall cop, mountain lions on patios, Mormon underwear upgrades, digital currency paranoia, vehicles from the 1960s that the government can’t turn off, and why I might start a black-market business restoring analog trucks for when the AI apocalypse hits.

It’s chaos. It’s philosophy. It’s depression, comedy, elk, and the increasingly real possibility that I should stop reading the news altogether.

Buckle up. Or don’t. The seatbelt is probably digital anyway.

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The Epstein Web, Demon Politicians & Ceiling Fan Rage | Ep. 71

Tue, 02 Dec 2025 15:57:05 GMT

Welcome to another episode of The Austin Anderson Show, where the news is a punch in the throat, the government is a demon piñata, and I'm just over here trying to buy a damn ceiling fan without losing my salvation. Today, we dive headfirst into the insane cosmic spiderweb that is Jeffrey Epstein’s early résumé—yes, including the part where he was hired by Bill Barr’s dad—and everything spirals from there like a possessed slinky rolling down the stairs of Hell.

We jump from Epstein to Ghislaine’s billionaire, Mossad-cozy father mysteriously dying at sea (of course), then into the cursed carnival of American leadership, the Podesta brothers’ “art,” the lies we tell ourselves about justice, and why you should never—ever—put your hope in human politicians when the whole system looks like a demon-run group chat.

Then we take a hard left turn into laser guns, Rambo’s sweaty bullet-feed chest, mass shootings in a country drowning in ammunition, celebrity divorces, Dave Coulier’s cancer battle, kids in danger online, and P. Diddy wandering the earth like a musical skinwalker.

Finally, we end on the truly important stuff: the beauty of ice-coated branches in the morning sun… and my white-hot hatred of modern ceiling fans.

It’s chaos. It’s comedy. It’s Tuesday.

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PG Movies, Dead Santas & Why Everything Feels Fake Now | Ep. 70

Mon, 01 Dec 2025 16:01:40 GMT

Today’s episode kicks off with me staring out the window at a gentle snowfall—gentle like a murderer whispering “don’t worry about it” while they drag a body. And suddenly I’m questioning whether snow can “cascade.” So naturally, I look it up, learn nothing helpful, and immediately demand the government chemtrail the sky so I can finish renovating my house before I freeze to death.

Then we dive headfirst into Gremlins, the most deranged PG “kids movie” ever made. I unpack Spielberg’s long history of unleashing horror on unsuspecting children, why E.T. deserved to get butter-knife-shanked, and how Gremlins casually includes the most traumatic Santa story of all time.

From there it spirals—as it should—into the great tragedy of our age: ads are everywhere, authenticity is dead, and even YouTube interviews feel like being held hostage at QVC.

Finally, we roll into WalletHub’s ranking of America’s Top 5 Most Sinful Cities, discover Houston is apparently a war zone, and confirm that Omaha is… tired. Just a tired little carb-loaded Midwestern town.

It’s chaos. It’s therapy. It’s December 1st.

Ho ho ho.

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The $25 Million Soup Can, the Saudi Comedy Trap & Thanksgiving in a Dying Empire | Ep. 69

Wed, 26 Nov 2025 16:33:45 GMT

Austin stumbles into this episode like a man who just carried 186 sheets of drywall through a Nebraska windstorm and found out Campbell’s Soup is now made with friendly Frankenstein meat. From there, it only gets dumber and more apocalyptic.

We hit everything: the Campbell’s CEO admitting their soup is basically for “poor people,” Andy Warhol’s creepy soup-can fetish paintings going for $30 million, and why the hell every comedian you’ve ever heard of accidentally became a Saudi ambassador. Austin breaks down how the Crown Prince played American comics like fiddles, why nobody who cashed a $1.5 million check can talk trash now, and how Rush Hour 4 might exist only because a dictator sat on Trump’s lap and asked nicely.

Also: turkey inflation, bioengineered brisket brewed like IPA, Putin calendars, and the annual tradition of trying to enjoy Thanksgiving.

It’s chaos. It’s catharsis. It’s Thanksgiving.

And Austin is thankful for YOU.

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Fog, Hog Escapes & The Woman Who Married ChatGPT | Ep. 68

Tue, 25 Nov 2025 15:56:23 GMT

Buddy… this episode comes in hot like a pot-bellied pig doing a prison break.

Austin wakes up inside a Stephen King weather system—fog so thick you can’t see your own regrets—then slides straight into stories of hogs plotting their great escape, the Menards Drywall Olympics, and the spiritual power of King Louie scatting from The Jungle Book.

But that’s just the warm-up.

Because then—God help us all—we dive into the real madness: a woman who divorced her husband and married ChatGPT. Austin reads the article and slowly loses faith in humanity in real time, like watching a church pew catch fire during worship.

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Aging Bodies, Dead Pot Pies & Touching Grass Won’t Save Us | Ep. 67

Mon, 24 Nov 2025 16:22:59 GMT

Welcome back to The Austin Anderson Show, where it’s Monday, I’m already emotionally winded, and Thanksgiving is creeping up on us like an aunt who hugs too long and smells like boneless ham. Today’s episode is a full-blown holiday fever dream: green bean casserole theology, stuffing economics, the weather in Nebraska doing cocaine-level mood swings, and my sad little midlife crisis on a flag football field where my leg bones felt like fossilized wood.

I talk about aging, David Goggins’ alien skull, a Reddit kid who studied himself into oblivion, and was given the most deranged advice since “have you tried relaxing?” Then we spiral right into the financial despair gripping America—because nothing says Thanksgiving like realizing we’re all broke, exhausted, and two steps away from selling chiclets on the side of the road.

It’s funny, it’s chaotic, and painfully real.

New episode tomorrow at 10 a.m.

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Sedated Wisdom & Thanksgiving Weed: The America Episode

Fri, 21 Nov 2025 16:23:05 GMT

Today’s episode is basically what happens when you get sedated for a root canal and wake up with the spiritual clarity of a raccoon that’s seen God. I walk you through my little blue-pill voyage into the void, why Michael Jackson suddenly makes sense, and how the dentist almost turned me into a gold-tooth villain from a low-budget 90s rap video.

Then we dive face-first into the American political carnival: Shane Gillis roasting Trump’s “Biden brain,” why every comedian gets mislabeled like a can of expired soup, and my completely reasonable theory that Baron Trump might be the Antichrist (look, I’m not saying it’s true… I’m just connecting red strings in a shed).

We roll right into the Thanksgiving “Cousin Walk” epidemic—half the family sneaking out to smoke weed while pretending they’re “getting ice”—followed by the Maine mom who can’t take her kid to church because a judge decided God doesn’t deserve capital letters.

Then: Pras from the Fugees gets 14 YEARS for campaign donations, a New York senior shoots a mugger and still goes to prison because New York hates self-defense, and Jelly Roll drops weight, shaves his face, and suddenly looks like a friendly gas-station meth consultant.

It’s chaos, it’s comedy, it’s America wrapped in aluminum foil and microwaved too long.

Let’s jump in.

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Root Canals, Falling Beauty Queens & AI Teddy Bears Telling Kids Where The Knives Are | Ep. 65

Thu, 20 Nov 2025 16:12:05 GMT

Today’s episode is pure chaos in the best way. I’m heading in for an emergency root canal, complaining about the lifetime curse of having teeth, and wondering if my grandpa was the only man in history smart enough to just rip all his out and be done with it. From there, I dive into the Miss Universe contestant who stepped off the runway like she was trying to exit the planet, the strange human joy of watching people slip on ice, and the absolutely unhinged news about an AI teddy bear giving kids advice on sex and where to find knives.

I get into the whole “grandma doesn’t need Christmas gifts” controversy, the Kevin Spacey “living out of hotels” update, and why sometimes the world feels like it’s running on a fever dream written by a sleep-deprived raccoon.

It’s teeth, beauty pageants, robots, Christmas slippers, fallen celebrities, and whatever else popped into my head. Buckle up.

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Lemonhead Economics, AI Panic & The Micro-Penis Timeline | Ep. 64

Wed, 19 Nov 2025 16:00:00 GMT

Austin slides into the studio buzzing on zero Lemonheads and 100% existential dread. Today’s episode is a full buffet of American chaos: price-gouged candy, near-death forklift ballet with a Mexican stranger, Tucker Carlson cornering Sam Altman, Epstein conspiracy theories taking a hard left turn into unfortunate anatomy, the slow emotional collapse of celebrities, and the spiritual torment of running in cold weather with nipples that rebel like French peasants.

Somehow it all fuses into a sermon about tech overlords, the death of cheap candy, the absurdity of online outrage, and the fragile, hilarious circus of trying to be a grown adult in a world where you can’t even trust ChatGPT to tell you if Family Matters had a Thanksgiving episode.

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Candy Max, Cannibal Generals & The Collapse of Civilization | Ep. 63

Tue, 18 Nov 2025 16:00:00 GMT

Austin spirals into the sweetest economic meltdown you’ve ever heard, starting with the shocking rise of Tic Tac prices and ending somewhere between EMP-induced societal collapse, cannibal warlords who found Jesus, billionaires swimming Scrooge-McDuck–style in their money rooms, and Mormon underwear launch parties that look like Black Friday at Best Buy.

Along the way he accidentally becomes Candy Max, contemplates leading a clothed-but-angry army against video games, reviews nightmare-fuel books he refuses to read, digs into the birth of Comedy Central, unpacks sex-club stories about the Viacom overlords, and somehow lands on Trump calling a reporter “piggy” mid-flight.

It’s chaos. It’s comedy. It’s end-times chic. It’s The Austin Anderson Show.

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Rambo, Rome, and the End of Comedy as We Know It

Mon, 17 Nov 2025 18:02:02 GMT

Austin Anderson kicks off November with no rain, no grace, and a full-blown review of Rambo III—a movie so drenched in steroids it could bench-press your childhood. He breaks down why Stallone’s muscles should’ve won a Nobel Prize, reveals the topless truth about ancient Roman women gladiators, and dives into the Epstein email dump that proves the world is somehow dumber and darker than we thought.

Then it’s a hard left into WhistlinDiesel’s Ferrari arrest, Jane Seymour claiming “70 is the new 50” (spoiler: it ain’t), and Eddie Murphy’s two-decade beef with SNL over one dumb David Spade joke. Austin closes it out with a heartfelt, cynical rant about how stand-up comedy got cheap, Trump’s weird obsession with getting into heaven, and why sometimes it feels like we’re all just Rambo cauterizing our own bullet wounds with gunpowder and denial.

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Bread, Bots, and the Micro-Penis That Changed History | Ep. 61

Thu, 13 Nov 2025 16:40:10 GMT

Austin Anderson starts simple — like, “bread and butter” simple — before spiraling straight into the weirdest buffet of modern insanity you’ve ever heard. From George Clooney trembling in silk pajamas over AI movie stars to the rise of digital love affairs, to Hitler’s allegedly microscopic manhood… it’s a full-course meal of comedy, chaos, and uncomfortable truths. He breaks down why Hollywood can’t manufacture real stars anymore, why Jack Black might be the last true chaotic hero, and why Barbie might one day tell your kid to commit murder. Grab your carbs and buckle in — this one’s buttered madness from start to finish.

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Breakfast, Biscuits & the Death of the Human Era | Ep. 60

Wed, 12 Nov 2025 16:00:00 GMT

Austin’s back behind the wheel — literally — swerving through Omaha traffic on nothing but caffeine and joy. In this episode, he unpacks how a busted Achilles, bad keto, and one farting-yoga TikTok led him to rethink food, health, and the broken algorithmic circus we call modern life. It starts with Chick-fil-A biscuits and ends with the extinction of human-made art. A chaotic drive through veganism, censorship, and the realization that maybe the ‘90s were the last time the world still had a soul.

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Rome’s B-Side: Wild Stories From the Empire

Tue, 11 Nov 2025 16:50:58 GMT

You’ve heard about the glory of Rome, Caesar’s stabbing, Nero’s fiddle, Cleopatra’s eyeliner. But this? This is the B-side. The deep cuts.

In this episode, Austin cracks open the marble shell and drags out the weirdest, wildest, most jaw-dropping stories the textbooks skipped.

From soldiers worshipping a bull in candlelit caves, to an emperor who taxed pee, to a queen rumored to kill with figs — this is Ancient Rome like you’ve never heard it.

It’s sex, power, poison, and piss taxes. It’s emperors, cults, and the kind of chaos that makes you realize history wasn’t classy — it was drunk, bloody, and insane.

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Four Donuts, Frozen Pipes, and Potbelly Pigs With a Taste For Blood | Ep. 58

Mon, 10 Nov 2025 16:46:52 GMT

Austin Anderson unpacks the chaos of Midwest winter, from -30° mornings to potbelly pigs with a taste for blood. He tells stories from his camper days—frozen pipes, showering with milk jugs, and near-death by diesel heater—before spiraling into a donut-fueled existential crisis, his son’s fat jokes, and a late-night rant about Elon Musk’s trillion-dollar robot army and the “Trans Apocalypse.” It’s a cozy blizzard of stories about survival, stupidity, and staying warm when life keeps throwing snowballs at your face.

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Pallet People, Diddy Pardons & The Death of Travel | Ep. 57

Fri, 07 Nov 2025 16:37:23 GMT

Austin Anderson dives into the wild edges of reality—starting with the strange tribe known as The Pallet People, drifting into a cigarette ban in the Maldives, and then crash-landing in the madness of celebrity pardons and modern travel hell. It’s a full-blown back porch rant about America’s weirdest headlines, where Dan Aykroyd’s penis nose meets Trump’s possible Diddy pardon and ends with a heartfelt sigh for the days when airports didn’t feel like crime scenes.

Grab your nicotine patch and sense of humor. This episode’s got everything: evil twins, fake noses, politicians pretending to be influencers, and one man just trying to make it home to work on his farmhouse before the world burns down.

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NATO, Alfredo, and the Death of Affordability | Ep. 56

Thu, 06 Nov 2025 16:00:00 GMT

Austin Anderson dives headfirst into the absurdities of modern life—starting with a John Cena action flick that somehow turns into a NATO propaganda film, then spiraling into a breakdown of how dinner for three at a steakhouse now costs more than a used Honda Civic. It’s a full-blown rant about inflation, hidden restaurant “administration fees,” Elon Musk’s trillionaire dreams, and why John Travolta is still the coolest man alive with a cigarette. Half comedy, half therapy session, all chaos.

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America’s Meltdown, Simon Cowell’s Face, and Johnny Depp’s Killer Dog | Ep. 55

Wed, 05 Nov 2025 16:40:43 GMT

This one starts with Dick Cheney’s death and somehow ends with Simon Cowell turning into a Botox chipmunk and Johnny Depp’s dog committing farmyard murder. Along the way, I rant about California’s new electric boat insanity, New York politics, health insurance rage, and the general feeling that America’s been smashed like a plate glass window. It’s a full episode of disbelief, dark humor, and the kind of honesty you only get when the country’s on fire and you’ve still got a squirrel chase to narrate.

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AI Voices, Fake Pregnancies, and Christian Millionaires | Ep. 54

Tue, 04 Nov 2025 16:21:05 GMT

Austin talks about pastors moonlighting as business coaches, AI croons like 1950s soul singers, and a Scottish woman fakes a pregnancy for nine months with a doll and a straight face. From Toyota Corolla backseat surgeries to the moral decay of social media meltdowns, this episode ricochets between holy outrage and hilarious disbelief. It’s spiritual confusion, dark comedy, and Midwestern sanity all rolled into one big sermon of “what the hell is happening?”

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The Squirrels Have Gone to Hell | Ep. 53

Mon, 03 Nov 2025 16:15:16 GMT

California has officially lost its mind. The trees smell like vomit, the squirrels are decapitating rodents, and Gavin Newsom looks like he moisturizes with the souls of small business owners.

Austin dives deep into this week’s apocalyptic headlines — from carnivorous squirrels to a Mexican mayor’s tragic stand against the cartels — all while reflecting on the eternal struggle between self-control and seasonal pie. There’s wisdom, chaos, and way too much talk about nipples. Welcome to November.

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The Wheelbarrow Ghost and the Haunted House That Watched Us | Ep. 52

Fri, 31 Oct 2025 15:00:00 GMT

Austin’s back with a Halloween special that starts with a full-blown roast of Tim Burton and ends with two real-life ghost stories that’ll make you sleep with a nightlight and a loaded BB gun. From the cursed clay faces of The Nightmare Before Christmas to an old Millard railroad house filled with ghosts, dead railroad workers, and one very freaky five-year-old who said, “They’re always watching us.”

It’s small-town horror, 90s nostalgia, and pitch-black comedy rolled into one haunted hayride through Austin’s brain. Grab a flashlight, lock the doors, and for the love of God, don’t say “Candyman” three times.

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Even the Trees Hate Gavin Newsom, Radioactive Tsunamis, Trump’s Gold Crown & the Devil’s Cartoon | Ep. 51

Thu, 30 Oct 2025 15:00:00 GMT

In this chaotic October episode, Austin Anderson covers everything from California’s vomit-smelling trees to Putin’s radioactive tsunami weapon to Trump literally being gifted a golden crown. Somewhere in between, a chicken lays an egg live on air, Nero burns Rome naked, and Amazon doubles down on Satan.

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Will Smith’s Midlife Crisis Song, Conor McGregor Finds Jesus, and Screech Loses His Mind | Ep. 50

Wed, 29 Oct 2025 15:42:42 GMT

It’s Wednesday, and the world has officially gone off its meds. Will Smith just dropped a song called “I Like Pretty Girls”— and it sounds like a man trying to convince himself he’s straight. Meanwhile, a Detroit pastor publicly shames a woman for not giving him two grand… and Tyler Perry rewards him with a hundred thousand bucks. Because of course he does.

Then we tumble headfirst into Conor McGregor’s new faith journey (bare knuckles and all), Anthony Hopkins hearing the literal voice of God, and a long, unbelievable story about the late Dustin “Screech” Diamond — including stabbing, mace, and the downfall of childhood fame.

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The Gold Ballroom, the SNAP Fast, and Glenn Beck’s Mountain of Mormon Relics | Ep. 49

Tue, 28 Oct 2025 15:06:13 GMT

Donald Trump’s turning the White House into a golden ballroom while Tic Tacs cost more than gas, SNAP recipients are told to fast for gender politics, and Glenn Beck’s out here hoarding “America’s soul” in tornado-proof mountain vaults. Meanwhile, Gavin Newsom’s smiling like a spirit-cooking vampire, Bad Bunny’s headlining the Super Bowl in Spanish, and I’m just trying to breathe through my allergy-riddled throat in the middle of a wheat field.

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The Food Hangover, Face Tattoos & The Fall of America | Ep. 48

Mon, 27 Oct 2025 16:05:49 GMT

After a weekend of apple crisp, cookies, and deep regret, Austin dives headfirst into a sugar-fueled rant about Halloween gluttony, the collapse of common sense, and why face tattoos might be the final sign of the apocalypse. Between government shutdowns, Gavin Newsom’s presidential ambitions, and ICE raids in Chicago, he still somehow finds a moment of faith — right in the middle of a church prayer circle.

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Pimp Ma Ma Da, Pepperoni Face, and the Disney Lies They Fed Us | Ep. 47

Fri, 24 Oct 2025 15:07:11 GMT

Today we kick things off talking about how Disney scarred an entire generation of kids with dead parents, witchcraft mice, and singing hyenas. Then we swerve—literally—into the story of Pimp Ma Ma Da, the fur-coated guardian angel who appeared after a teenage car wreck involving pepperoni, panic, and poetic justice. From there we dive into ladybug invasions, fly-filled farmhouses, a cop who shot himself to impress his ex, haunted houses in Chicago, and why Halloween is the best and worst time of year.

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The Pope, the Ice Cube, and the Robot Apocalypse | Ep. 46

Thu, 23 Oct 2025 15:20:06 GMT

What do you get when the Pope blesses a block of ice, Jelly Roll takes a holy shower at the Christian Music Awards, and Elon Musk builds a trillion-dollar robot army? A normal Thursday on The Austin Anderson Show.

In this episode, Austin spirals from theology to Fight Club prosthetics, from George Washington dodging bullets to scientists wanting to bomb AI servers.

We’ve got fake Meatloaf tits, mosquito invasions in Iceland, and a heartfelt tribute to the most noble bird on God’s green earth: the tit.

It’s chaos. It’s comedy. It’s catharsis.

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The Legend of the Naughty Monster | Ep. 45

Wed, 22 Oct 2025 15:30:46 GMT

It’s story time on The Austin Anderson Show, and today we’re heading back to a haunted farmhouse in Omaha, the birthplace of a nine-foot monster, an old man, and one of the funniest nights in haunted house history. From the rise and fall of Haunted Hollow to Trump’s rumored pardon of Diddy, the Saudi picnic-cloth mafia, and the AI Tai Chi scam that won’t stop stalking Austin’s feed.

He rants about how Halloween got too hardcore, the internet lost its innocence, and how maybe the only way to survive 2025 is to breathe the fall air, hug your people, and laugh at the madness before it swallows us whole.

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If Trump Pardons Diddy, I’m Becoming a Preacher | Ep. 44

Tue, 21 Oct 2025 15:00:00 GMT

It’s only Tuesday and Austin’s already fired up. In this episode, he dives headfirst into the chaos of Trump possibly commuting Diddy’s sentence—yeah, that Diddy. From Hollywood hypocrisy to Christians worshipping politicians, from Y2K nostalgia to streaming service brainwashing, Austin rants his way through America’s moral circus with his usual mix of fury, humor, and accidental theology.

He covers it all: the insanity of celebrity pardons, the collapse of culture, and the strange comfort of a good old-fashioned digital apocalypse. Somewhere between faith and frustration, he almost quits comedy to start preaching. Almost.

📅 New episodes weekdays at 10 a.m.

💥 Subscribe for more truth, comedy, and caffeine-fueled chaos from the middle of nowhere.

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Deadly Car Wreck, Pumpkin Sacrifice & Bleeding Frat Boys | Ep. 43

Mon, 20 Oct 2025 15:08:20 GMT

Welcome to Episode 43 of The Austin Anderson Show, where we open with a fiery highway fatality and somehow end up clapping for a child being eaten by vines in Pumpkinhead.

I hosted a fraternity gala where rich people even salt-and-pepper their food with class, learned about a tradition that involves full nudity and frozen ball blood, and realized that 1960s photos lied to all of us, those suit-wearing gentlemen were streaking around sororities like feral raccoons.

Also: Pumpkinhead casting is insane and Gavin Newsom trying to role-play as Donald Trump on Twitter.

Subscribe. Or don’t. I’ll still clap when annoying movie characters get turned into pumpkins.

🔥 New episodes weekdays at 10AM.

🎧 Listen, share, and confuse your friends.

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Human Brains in Jars & Stingy Jack: Welcome to the Wetware Apocalypse | Ep. 42

Fri, 17 Oct 2025 15:03:18 GMT

Today we dive into a lighthearted topic: SCIENTISTS GROWING MINI HUMAN BRAINS IN LABS AND PLUGGING THEM INTO COMPUTERS LIKE WE’RE ONE step away from Shredder building Krang in a jar. We talk Nazi scientists running NASA, bio-computing horror, and the legend of Stingy Jack, the original Jack-o’-Lantern scammer who got booted from both Heaven and Hell for being too clever and too cheap to pay for drinks.

Plus, potato lanterns, Trump’s missile parade, the greatest October weather of all time, Duncan Trussell, rocket launchers, home intruders in Halloween masks, and why your grandma needs a flamethrower.

Welcome to The Austin Anderson Show, where we process the apocalypse with humor, folklore, and maybe a tiny scream on the inside.

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Stolen Garfield Cats, Demon Movies & The Rise of the Human Washing Machine | Ep. 41

Thu, 16 Oct 2025 15:18:11 GMT

Broadcasting straight from the chicken coop like a deranged homesteader with Wi-Fi, this episode goes off the rails fast. We cover a legendary high school road trip that ends with a stolen Garfield cat being returned to a haunted farmhouse, why we should ban Halloween movies that casually summon demons in our living rooms, and the horrifying invention of the human washing machine that proves Wall-E wasn’t fiction—it was prophecy.

Somewhere in there we also rally behind a 58-year-old man playing college football on what is surely a bloodstream full of HGH, and we pray for the spiritual deliverance of Berlin’s infamous Piss Goblin. And yes, I recorded this from a half-built chicken coop, because that’s the energy we’re operating with here.

If that doesn’t make you hit subscribe, I don’t know what will.

👉 Share this episode with one friend who needs to repent or one enemy you hope gets lost on gravel roads without GPS.

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Katy Perry Didn’t Go to Space & The Legend of the Piss Goblin | Ep. 40

Wed, 15 Oct 2025 15:00:00 GMT

Today’s episode is a ride straight through the downfall of civilization, starting with the fake celebrity space race (looking at you, Katy Perry), a detour through Justin Trudeau’s Halloween costume phase, a visionary proposal to merge Gavin Newsom and Trudeau into a new progressive Siamese gender, and then straight into Berlin’s underground where the Piss Goblin apparently lives his best life.

We also sprinkle in witches sexually assaulting broomsticks, Sam Altman turning AI into OnlyFans, rock & roll admitting it’s satanic, and a confession about buying Jim Morrison boots while drunk. It’s unfiltered and unfortunately—all real.

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Mudslides, Hot Tub Politicians & Hamburger Helper Apocalypse | Ep. 39

Tue, 14 Oct 2025 15:35:29 GMT

California is sliding into the ocean, Alec Baldwin is still out here body-counting everything except himself, Democrats are throwing Roman bathhouse fundraisers in inflatable hot tubs during a shutdown, and America’s new recession indicator is whether women are buying lipstick or Hamburger Helper.

Meanwhile, Trump is fighting AI, his own reflection, and possibly sacrificing his son for eternal life. Earthquakes in New York, mudslides in LA, and politicians bubbling in hot tub sin soup. Welcome to Episode 39 of The Austin Anderson Show.

In today's episode:

Rare October storm hits Southern California — mudslides incoming
Alec Baldwin turns another object into a casualty
Democrats throw a luxury hot tub fundraiser during shutdown
Marjorie Taylor Greene calls GOP men weak — let them FIGHT
Recession alert: lipstick down, Hamburger Helper UP
Trump has a full-on vanity meltdown over an unflattering photo
AI deepfakes, Jake Paul in tube tops & "bomb the AI plants"
New York earthquake wakes up ancient faultline — end times?
Trump keeps asking if he’ll get into heaven while selling Bibles with his name on it

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Fall Mornings, Mr. Hollywood Stories & $2 Gas Dreams | Ep. 38

Mon, 13 Oct 2025 15:03:13 GMT

It’s Monday, October 13th, fall is in the air, and I’m out here ranting from a half-demolished farmhouse. I just got back from the annual hunting trip I had to leave early because I had to come home and be an adult. Meanwhile, teenagers are out here slamming playground equipment because they’ve never paid a bill in their life.

Today I get into Diane Keaton news, Jack Nicholson hating his own neck so much they filmed a bed scene vertically like some kind of geriatric Batman stunt, Kevin Spacey being exactly as creepy as advertised at SNL afterparties, Christopher Walken falling down stairs on purpose like it’s his party trick

We also cover Trump handing out “Peace President” hats like a NASCAR driver, and how $2 gas is worth full dictatorship.

Subscribe, leave a review, and praise be to Lake McConaughey.

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Blowing Up Cabins, Trump’s UFC Gladiator Games & Why Jared Leto Still Sucks

Fri, 10 Oct 2025 15:12:40 GMT

On today’s episode of The Austin Anderson Show, I kick things off with stories from my annual Nebraska cabin trip where guns, Tannerite, and shattered windows are just part of the tradition. From there, we dive headfirst into the absurd: Trump allegedly planning a UFC fight on the White House lawn for his 80th birthday (Gladiator-style), the decline of Hollywood with Jared Leto dragging Tron and Joker straight to hell, and why hoverboards are still missing from our lives.

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Analyzing Faces, Saudi Comedy Controversy, Trump & the Nobel Peace Prize | Ep. 36

Thu, 09 Oct 2025 15:26:01 GMT

In this episode, Austin dives into a late-night obsession with a doctor who analyzes the faces of celebrities like Ozzy Osbourne, Hulk Hogan, Jim Carrey, Jeff Bezos, and Elon Musk, uncovering what your eyes and expressions might reveal about your health and your life. From there, the conversation turns to the bizarre and dangerous drug trend known as “Bluetoothing” in South Africa, before shifting into a rant about why slot machines in gas stations are an abomination.

Austin also explores the controversy around comedians performing in Saudi Arabia, where free speech is heavily restricted and satire is punished with shocking severity. The episode then takes on Donald Trump’s push for the Nobel Peace Prize, touching on biblical prophecy and world politics, and wraps up with the strange TikTok saga of the “CCU Pisser.”

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Blockbuster, Husker Hand Signs, & Worst Comic Alive | Ep. 35

Wed, 08 Oct 2025 15:03:42 GMT

Austin Anderson is back with another off-the-rails episode of The Austin Anderson Show. Today he revisits his glory days working at Blockbuster where a wig and some teenage Coolio-inspired dreadlocks cost him his job. From there, Austin spirals into the nostalgia of King of Queens, the absurdity of fat-guy sitcom tropes, and Taylor Swift being accused of everything from white supremacy to turning America’s youth into sluts.

It doesn’t stop there. Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura’s bizarre OnlyFans situation and Austin reminds the world that he—not Brendan Schaub—is the officially certified “Worst Standup Comic of All Time” (title courtesy of Piers Morgan.)

Smash that subscribe button, watch the fairy dust fly, and let’s ride this rocket ship to 100 subs.

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Tic Tacs, Taylor Swift, & 90-Year-Old Cocaine Cowboys | Ep. 34

Tue, 07 Oct 2025 15:00:00 GMT

It’s a Tuesday morning and Austin’s covering it all: bribing his kid with $3 that won’t even buy Tic Tacs anymore, breaking down the internet’s meltdown over Taylor Swift’s latest album being accused of everything from white supremacy to eugenics, Whoopi Goldberg suggesting people “tan until you look Mexican,” a forklift driver who won the lottery and nearly partied himself into the grave, and the rise of “silver snorters”—elderly folks hitting cocaine like it’s spring break in Boca Raton.

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Donuts, Diddy & Digital IDs | Ep. 33

Mon, 06 Oct 2025 15:12:18 GMT

It’s a rainy fall morning and Austin is on one. From Nebraska’s best donuts at Junkstock to P. Diddy learning that “manifesting” can’t get you out of prison time, this episode ricochets through culture, chaos, and comedy. Taylor Swift’s revenge anthems, Trump suing everyone in sight, Glenn Beck crawling on stage for Ted Cruz, AI girlfriends, and Bezos wanting to put data centers in outer space—it’s all here, filtered through Austin’s unfiltered lens. Equal parts funny, absurd, and unsettlingly true to life, this is a ride through everything from Scarface posters to digital IDs and the mark of the beast. Pour some coffee, loosen your belt, and settle in.

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Harvard’s Boldest New Hire, P Diddy’s Court Drama & Taylor Swift’s New Album Review

Fri, 03 Oct 2025 15:20:50 GMT

It’s October 3rd and Harvard hires only the best, P. Diddy is facing court drama that feels straight out of a Netflix crime doc, and Taylor Swift’s brand-new album The Life of a Show Girl already has fans divided, well, it has me divided. We’re talking chem trails, courtroom freak flags, Cosby comparisons, Family Matters in space, and why Jack Antonoff should produce all Taylor’s music. This episode is raw, unfiltered, and funny as hell. Chaotic storytelling you won’t get anywhere else.

Hit subscribe.

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Frolicking in Hayfields, Florida Men, and Asking Menards for… “Cock” | Ep. 31

Thu, 02 Oct 2025 15:11:02 GMT

It’s October in the Midwest, and I’m losing my damn mind—in the best way possible. I’m talking pumpkin spice roll-arounds, garden spiders the size of frisbees, and why frolicking in a Nebraska hayfield beats walking through a New York subway any day.

Somewhere between reminiscing about construction workers calling me names, ranting about machete-wielding teens in New York, roasting Keith Urban for not being country, and confessing that I once loudly asked a Menards employee “Where’s the cock?”, this episode pretty much has it all.

Also: breaking news on court cases, picnics, and my own legendary rise from 21 to 32 YouTube subscribers. We’re unstoppable, baby.

👉 Hit subscribe, share it with your weird uncle, and let’s ride this hay wagon to glory.

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Holograms, Revelation, and Stephen King Gets Thrown Off a Cliff | Ep. 30

Wed, 01 Oct 2025 15:17:08 GMT

It’s October 1st, the Midwest is cooking in an Indian summer, and I’m fired up. Today’s episode jumps from school bus purgatory on gravel roads, to Howie Mandel investing in holograms that look like they crawled straight out of the Book of Revelation. We’re talking beam boxes, the image of the beast, Star Wars trash cans, and why Star Trek is just communism on a spaceship.

Then we slide into Trump trolling Chuck Schumer with sombreros, government shutdown déjà vu, and why Stephen King deserves the Salem witch trial treatment for “Pet Sematary.” Toss in asteroids, nukes, Hunter S. Thompson’s ashes, Peter Thiel’s apocalypse obsession, and you’ve got one wild ride.

👉 Don’t forget to subscribe for daily episodes, clips, and reels.

📲 Follow me everywhere: @AustinColeAnderson

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Baseball is a Secret Cult? Trump’s “Christ” Roots & Portland Gone Mad | Ep. 29

Tue, 30 Sep 2025 15:00:00 GMT

This episode is pure chaos in the best way. I start my morning nearly dying to take pictures of a sunrise I’ll never look at again, then dive headfirst into the conspiratorial swamp of the internet. Is baseball actually an occult ritual to Baal? Why do so many of Trump’s family members have the last name “Christ”? And what the hell is going on in Portland with flamethrower cars, rooftop snipers, and grown men chewing Tylenol like Tic Tacs?

From Bad Bunny’s demonic halftime show vibes to Bavarian Illuminati roots, I rant my way through it all—no edits, no polish, just me spiraling into the dumpster fire of humanity while trying to find a shred of beauty in a sunrise.

Subscribe and join the madness.

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Running Half Marathons, Creepy Toys, and Cheesecake Lies | Ep. 28

Mon, 29 Sep 2025 15:20:16 GMT

This one’s a ride. I break down my Omaha Half Marathon run—2 hours, 28 minutes, no walking, baby! And the bizarre things I saw along the way. Then I say why cheesecake is just a delivery system for crust, why kids’ toys look like they crawled out of a portal to hell, and why Panera Bread is basically hospital food with better branding.

We’ll also talk embarrassing public moments (like being rescued by Baywatch in front of thousands), Keanu Reeves’ dead eyes, and the saddest new TikTok “joke” kids can’t stop yelling in classrooms: “Six, Seven.”

Subscribe.

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Panera Soup Scam, Avatar Sucks & Ranch Bowl Mosh Pits | Ep. 27

Fri, 26 Sep 2025 15:05:47 GMT

Today’s episode is a wild ride through the collapse of Western civilization—one bread bowl at a time. I start off raging about Panera Bread serving me a soup bowl that was 75% bread and 25% betrayal. From there we spiral into face piercings, robot overlords, James Cameron’s Avatar obsession, and a jewelry heist straight out of Grand Theft Auto.

Then I take it back to real life: a Florida football coach clobbering teenagers, the death of lighters at concerts, and my training for the Omaha Half Marathon at age 42 (nipples intact… barely). Sprinkle in some Ranch Bowl mosh pit nostalgia, and you’ve got an episode that’s equal parts rant, comedy, and midlife crisis therapy.

Subscribe.

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Tank Tops, Bulletproof George Washington & The AI Apocalypse

Thu, 25 Sep 2025 15:14:36 GMT

Today’s episode is a rollercoaster of nonsense, history, and end-times panic. We start by roasting the tank top (the most suspicious piece of clothing since Crocs in church), detour into Dane Cook, Comedy Central, and the jealousy of a comic in the early 2000s, and then crash headfirst into one of the wildest stories ripped from the forgotten pages of history: the legend of Bulletproof George Washington.

From there, it’s all downhill into scientists literally saying we might need to bomb AI labs to save humanity, the pastor predicting the rapture, Diddy’s courtroom drama, and a zookeeper in Thailand who found out the hard way that lions don’t “hug.”

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From Buffalo Genocide to Porta Potty Redemption | Ep. 25

Wed, 24 Sep 2025 14:59:10 GMT

In this episode, I zigzag through conspiracy-laden doomscrolling, Jimmy Kimmel, AI deepfake panic, mooing at cows, and the wild slaughter of tens of millions of buffalo. Then I take a hard left turn into the art of public pooping—crime-scene bathrooms, Google job site porta potties, and why Kanye West needs a dump-in-a-john moment to find salvation. Sprinkle in Charlie Sheen chaos, Nicolas Cage cult vibes, and the absurdity of folks screaming “Hollywood is Satan” while still binge-watching every movie. It’s raw, unfiltered, and a little too real.

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The Rapture Didn’t Happen… But These Wild Stories Did | Ep. 24

Tue, 23 Sep 2025 15:00:00 GMT

What do fake prophets, a drunk baby raccoon, and Sylvester Stallone refusing to age all have in common? They’re all in today’s episode. I kick things off with a South African pastor who swore the rapture would happen today (spoiler: it didn’t), then dive into some truly bizarre news: Stallone wanting to play teenage Rambo, a raccoon revived after passing out drunk on fermented peaches, two guys turning Kevlar helmets into a Darwin Award, and Greenville’s real-life “Spider-Man” helping strangers.

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Touching Toes, Dave Attell, and Foggy Morning Rants | Ep. 23

Mon, 22 Sep 2025 15:00:00 GMT

It’s a foggy Monday morning and Austin is all over the place, running late miles in the dark, building chicken coops, and blowing his son’s mind by being able to touch his toes. From dad moments to stand-up comedy shoutouts (Dave Attell holding a lantern in the fog), the episode swerves into politics, bizarre headlines about “international Satanists,” California’s free speech battles, and the tragic assassination of Charlie Kirk. Along the way, Austin talks about nose rings he calls “the bebop,” and the madness of internet culture.

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Jason Aldean Concert, Pumpkin Patch Adventure & Why Starting Small Wins | Ep. 22

Fri, 19 Sep 2025 15:08:22 GMT

On this episode of The Austin Anderson Show, I talk about dragging myself out of bed after a late night at a Jason Aldean concert, where the crowd, the music, was a great time. I share the about a rainy pumpkin patch visit, why denim was the real villain that day, and how carrying an umbrella might secretly be one of life’s greatest joys. Then I get into a crazy coincidence involving the Foo Fighters and Red Hot Chili Peppers show I saw back in ’99, and how a friend across the world randomly brought it up on the exact same day. I wrap things up with some straight talk on momentum, discipline, and why starting small wins every time. Whether you’re here for stories, laughs, or a little motivation, this one’s got you covered.

👉 Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and drop a comment about the best concert you’ve ever been to.

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Pumpkin Patches, Waffle Houses & The Death of Fast Food Magic | Ep. 21 Podcast

Thu, 18 Sep 2025 15:00:00 GMT

In this episode, I talk why fiddles make country concerts better, late-night McDonald’s drive-thru nostalgia. How fast food has lost its magic, question the Hamburglar’s cannibalism, and can't get over the bizarre Tai Chi infomercials.

Plus, I share memories of 24-hour Walmart adventures, chasing runner’s highs, the magic of Vala’s Pumpkin Patch in Omaha, and a wild late-night Waffle House story with a fellow comic.

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Too Many Bagels, Flamingo Legs & Robot Chicken Fights | Ep. 20

Wed, 17 Sep 2025 15:12:28 GMT

What do four bagels, Barbie legs, Carrie Underwood’s football-field lips, and robot chicken fights in Oklahoma all have in common? Absolutely nothing—except they all show up in today’s chaos.

In this episode, Austin tackles:

The tragic limit of human bagel consumption
Why dudes skip leg day and turn into flamingos
A marathon runner in overalls with ironclad nipples
Carrie Underwood’s screen-sized lips at a Cody Johnson concert
Joe Rogan casually roasting Marc Maron as a “crazy cat lady”
Oklahoma legalizing rooster vs. robot fights (seriously)
Accidentally stumbling into a cockfight in Arkansas
Worm paranoia, Trump suing the New York Times, and Charlie Kirk’s martyrdom

Stick around, subscribe, and laugh at the madness of life.

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Betrayal of Refrigerators, Robert Redford’s Hair, and Fighting Hyenas in Your Sleep | Ep. 19

Tue, 16 Sep 2025 15:19:40 GMT

In this episode, Austin spirals from the betrayal of refrigerators that make you open the door just to get water, to Robert Redford’s immortal hair, to a dude in Florida choking kids while dressed as a giant puppy. We hit every weird news headline you didn’t know you needed, like a million-dollar yacht sinking in seconds, a man fighting off hyenas with his bare hands, and an ice cream cone legend handing out sandwiches on a mountain.

Then, we shift gears into something deeper: how the early church saw nonviolence as strength, why martyrdom was once considered a badge of honor, and how Rome’s fall blurred into the rise of the Catholic empire.

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How the Apostles Actually Died | Ep. 18

Mon, 15 Sep 2025 15:00:00 GMT

It’s Monday morning on the homestead, the coffee is strong enough to kill a horse, the crickets won’t shut up, and the chickens are circling me, demanding food. Then it’s off to a Cody Johnson concert, and a crash course in how the apostles actually died.

👉 Don’t forget to subscribe, share, and keep this snowball rolling.

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DayQuil, Martyrdom, and Pudding Revenge | Ep. 17

Fri, 12 Sep 2025 15:00:00 GMT

I’m sick as a dog but still ranting my way through a head cold, swigging DayQuil like an old-time drunk with a flask. From dreaming about Viking-style river burials on the Elkhorn, to the insanity of Charlie Kirk’s assassination and people celebrating it, to the bizarre spam calls offering me $60k loans five times a day.

We go from heavy stuff (Christian martyrdom, civil war chatter, a nation unraveling) to ridiculous business ideas like “Shank You Very Much” (artisan prison shanks for flea markets), pudding-based revenge on telemarketers, Oasis sweating through parkas, and why even sick, I can’t stop this show.

New episodes weekdays at 10 a.m. Subscribe and stick around.

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Charlie Kirk Is A Christian Martyr | Ep. 16

Thu, 11 Sep 2025 15:26:53 GMT

Charlie Kirk Is A Christian Martyr.

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Walmart Tire Chaos, South Dakota Stove Hunt & Why Arby’s Must Fall | Ep. 15

Wed, 10 Sep 2025 15:19:21 GMT

In this episode, a road trip to South Dakota for a 1950s oven that doesn’t spy on me, rants about Walmart’s tire department holding my wife hostage, and questions why Arby’s is still allowed to exist. Along the way: coyote sightings mistaken for wolves, Slayer-blasting gas station weirdos, accepting the challenge of 75 Hard, losing a beloved chicken named Vivian, and why country music is basically Taco Bell with guitars.

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Karen Ball Snatcher, Ding Dong Ditch Deaths, and the Sep 23rd Rapture | Ep. 14

Tue, 09 Sep 2025 15:03:37 GMT

Adults stealing baseballs from kids. Ding dong ditch gone deadly. A pastor claiming Jesus is coming back on September 23rd. Oh—and Elon Musk playing in a satan costume.

I rant on selfish adults at games, childhood pranks turned tragedies, fake end-times prophets, and the bizarre rise of “Dark MAGA.” Plus: my 25th anniversary, why old ovens are better than new ones, and Alex Jones gargling “the Holy Spirit.”

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Rivers of Blood, Head Cold Mondays & Comedy Scandals

Mon, 08 Sep 2025 15:00:00 GMT

Happy Monday, baby! In this episode, I rant my way through a head cold, celebrate fall punching summer in the face, and share my pastor’s horrifying white-T-shirt running story that ends in rivers of blood. To comedy scandals, Charlie Sheen confessions, The Rock shrinking down to a bean, and my love-hate relationship with workouts, it’s a ride. Add in some trash-talk on Taylor Sheridan’s shows, the VMAs, and Rosie O’Donnell popping up on my phone, and you’ve got yourself a weird, unfiltered Monday survival guide.

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The Price of TicTac's, Squirrel Burial & The Statue of Lucifer? | Ep.12

Fri, 05 Sep 2025 15:02:21 GMT

What starts as a $1.50 candy run turns into chaos: overpriced Tic Tacs, a Lemonhead salvation, and a squirrel funeral with the whole rodent family watching. From there it spirals into wild neighbor accusations (“you stole my squirrels!”), rabid dogs at gas stations, Jeffrey Dahmer Cinnamon Toast Crunch ads, women obsessed with serial killer docs, Lady Gaga’s creepy Tim Burton collab, and a rabbit hole about the Statue of Liberty possibly being modeled after Satan himself.

New episodes every weekday at 10AM. Subscribe, share, and send me your weird content ideas: austinandersonshow@gmail.com

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Google Plants, Darwin Awards & Comedy Store Ghost Tours | Ep. 11

Thu, 04 Sep 2025 15:00:00 GMT

In this episode, Austin dives into his wild past, concrete and soil testing at a Google plant in Council Bluffs, writing fake biker-gang articles that got passed around the office, and scribbles on the walls of porta potties from construction workers that they were building Skynet.

From bathroom hemorrhoid warnings to Darwin Award legends of rocket-powered Camaros and RV autopilot disasters, this one spirals into the absurd before landing in stand-up comedy life with ghost tours of the Comedy Store, watching Joe Rogan live in the early 2000s, and Brendan Schaub hate-channels.

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Lyme Disease, Chainsaw Art, The Temple Of Prunes, And the America’s Got Talent Files | Ep. 10

Wed, 03 Sep 2025 15:25:43 GMT

I start with a woman furious at Justin Timberlake for phoning in a concert she didn’t even attend, then fall down the rabbit hole of why every celebrity seems to catch Lyme disease. From there I confess my dream of becoming the Banksy of chainsaw art, talk about the heartbreak of a century-old Nebraska pine tree wrecked by an ice storm, and relive the moment I rammed my own trash can with my car like a complete moron. I nearly sat in a stranger’s lap at the grocery store, roasted Tim McGraw’s Botox face in 1883, imagined alternate Indiana Jones titles, I even revisit the insanity of a Covid baptism performed and reveal that I am going to release the America’s Got Talent files.

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Testicle Fences, Buttercream Gangs & Nicotine Pouches | Ep. 9

Tue, 02 Sep 2025 15:00:00 GMT

It’s the day after Labor Day and I’m unraveling a weekend that included jean blankets, pancakes, my kid’s first Big Mac in Chicago, hoping Chicago wouldn’t change my son like it changed Pete in the Buttercream Gang, looking to hire a gaggle of clowns, grunting my way through middle age, Zyn is doing a nicotine challenge, and the nightmarish reality of wrangling chickens with a “gettin’ stick” and nearly sacrificing a testicle to a hog fence, but made it out alive to tell you about it. New episodes drop weekdays at 10 a.m. Subscribe so you don’t miss the madness.

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Footloose, Rabbit Feet, and a Near-Death Construction Mishap | Ep. 8

Fri, 29 Aug 2025 22:46:36 GMT

Electric scooters have killed bikes. Donuts cost ten bucks. Kids are hoarding plastic rabbit feet like psychopaths, and somehow I ended up saving a construction worker’s butt (literally) from a tree spear. In this episode I rant about 80s nostalgia, Footloose, Indiana Jones refrigerator nonsense, pizza crust revenge, punk rock anthems, Lil Nas X lap-dancing the devil, Billy Ray Cyrus in space, Final Destination shoelaces, and a very awkward story about my balls.

Plus, ChatGPT won’t tell me how to kill a honey badger, but apparently can fuel the “first AI murder.” And I announce the new schedule: Next week The Austin Anderson Show drops every weekday at 10 a.m. because you deserve it.

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Baywatch Ninjas, Husker Logos, and the Day Peanuts Turned Deadly | Ep. 6

Fri, 29 Aug 2025 03:08:14 GMT

In this episode, Austin Anderson goes from David Hasselhoff fighting ninjas on Baywatch to PBS showing ape-human boobs, to the bizarre origins of chiropractic medicine. Along the way he rants about fashion shows, roasts Puff Daddy’s baby-oil crimes, praises the beauty of fall in Nebraska, and demands the Huskers bring back the original Herbie logo. Also: airline peanuts assassinating people, phone conspiracies at 30,000 feet, and why keeping a pig alive is the wildest med school test you’ve never heard of.

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A Duck Thinks It’s a Chicken, Highway Cyclists, and the Curse of Things | Ep. 6

Thu, 28 Aug 2025 03:42:40 GMT

On today’s drive-time rant, Austin Anderson swerves from a fearless bicyclist on a Nebraska highway to the miracle of a duck that believes it’s a chicken, dives into the cult of corporate America, and confesses to hoarding junk like a pioneer dragging a piano down the Oregon Trail. Along the way: bologna lunches, olive economics, Marie Kondo shade, and a reminder that sometimes throwing salt on your fries is the closest thing to living dangerously.

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Where Are My Cherries And Limes? I Am Now 42 Years of Age. | Ep. 5

Wed, 27 Aug 2025 03:45:14 GMT

This one starts with me going to war with Sonic because they handed me a cherry limeade without cherries, without limes, and without shame. From there it spirals—my old boss who swore he once wrestled a bear, a birthday round of putt putt on a course so old, so worn out, and a late-night TV memory of a woman letting her husband burn skin tags off with homemade dry ice. Somewhere in the middle, Steve-O lights himself on fire, I remember what it felt like to turn twenty-one versus forty-two, and then I end up staring at a picture of Tom Cruise looking like Gary Busey without the motorcycle accident.

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Demon Mermaids, 90’s Marilyn Manson Myths & Why Gushers Beat Fruit Roll-Ups

Sat, 23 Aug 2025 02:38:22 GMT

In this episode, I spiral from Billie Eilish creep vibes into Lady Gaga’s satanic mermaid phase, Marilyn Manson kids who now inspect your buildings, and Johnny Depp becoming a pirate in real life. Then it’s Mountain Dew, steroid-jacked 80s action stars, chemtrails, and why today’s kids need to throw down their phones and pick up sticks. I also share lunch with my Mexican buddies talking cartels, gush about Gushers, and admit to eating my son’s candy in the name of teaching him to share.

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Saving Turtles, Midlife Crises & Parades Gone Soft | Ep. 03

Fri, 22 Aug 2025 03:55:00 GMT

I cut a prehistoric snapping turtle loose on a Nebraska river. From there I spiral into: animals that would never shut up if they could talk, hitting 42 years old, a gas station prophet who thinks women “got too big for their britches,” parades where they set candy down instead of throwing it, and skinny dudes blasting rap on electric bikes. Somewhere in there I also solve politics while eating Runza fries in a Burger King drive-thru.

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Clogging, Juggalos, Ninja Turtles & Why I Hate all Star Wars | Ep. 2

Thu, 21 Aug 2025 02:44:22 GMT

From childhood dreams of becoming a sax-playing clogger, to dodging Juggalos and their hatchets, to revisiting the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie (so sweaty).

Pontificating about David Goggins’ fit alien skull, question if Axl Rose stole his voice fluctuation from Janis Joplin, admit I wanted autism after watching The Accountant 2, and fully declare my hatred for Star Wars.

Also featuring: Marc Maron as “Great Grandpa Standup,” AI ripping off musicians, and why America is now too fat to fit through its own doors.

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The Biggest Loser Resurrection | Ep 1

Wed, 20 Aug 2025 03:56:53 GMT

In this episode, I roast Shapiro’s cadence, share my wife’s brutal (and accurate) Will Ferrell comparison, and spiral into the insanity of reality TV—The Biggest Loser nearly killing contestants, Donald Trump’s Apprentice transformation, and treasure hunters blowing up boulders for nothing.

Somewhere between laughing at the absurdity of human desperation and ranting about phone etiquette, I manage to stumble on baby-oiled P. Diddy supporters, turning 42, and why my nipples just need to breathe.

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Bleeding Nipples, Robot Uprisings & The P Diddy Demon

Tue, 19 Aug 2025 13:21:08 GMT

Strap in—this episode goes from zero to apocalyptic in record time. I rant about why I refuse to turn my car off at the gas pump, and confess the tragic reality of my delicate little candy nipples that won’t let me run in winter.

From there, we spiral into Facebook algorithm hacks, Elon Musk being an alien robot overlord, why I’d have killed E.T. with butter knives in the 80s, and the horrifying rise of sex robots and AI Barbies that must be burned before they enslave your children.

And just when you think we’ve hit rock bottom, we dive into the Puff Demon himself—P. Diddy—as the ultimate supervillain of New York.

It’s absurd. It’s unfiltered.

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