Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet

130: Reviews of the Mall of America

Wed, 26 May 2021 04:02:47 GMT

:~| 8~| 8~/ :~(

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129: Reviews of Obscure Museums

Wed, 19 May 2021 04:02:15 GMT

How will I tell my children that these podcasters were not cats?

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128: World's Largest Landmarks

Wed, 12 May 2021 04:00:00 GMT

Wow, we finally did it y'all. We proved that evolution isn't real and Darwin is a false prophet. Time to praise the Oklahoma Peanut Princess instead!

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127: Nurseries Plants Garden Centers Seeds? and Seeds Germination Germination! Etsy Etsy Etsy Plant Sellers Plant Sales

Wed, 05 May 2021 04:00:00 GMT

Christine is pregnant!!!! But more importantly, Alex is on Tinder.

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126: Diners on Route 66

Wed, 28 Apr 2021 04:00:00 GMT

Xylophone

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Between You And Us: Episode 23

Mon, 26 Apr 2021 04:00:00 GMT

In our humble but honorable opinions, it's about time ski resorts start serving nachos. PERIDOT.

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125: Pasty Shops in Michigan

Wed, 21 Apr 2021 04:14:34 GMT

Interested in Jared Leto and Marky Mark's nipples? This is the episode for you! Oh wait, wrong type of pasties...

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Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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124: Reviews of Escape Rooms

Wed, 14 Apr 2021 04:00:00 GMT

Not sure if Christine's casket story is something I need to talk to the police about or not... Please advise.

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Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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123: Lil Nas X

Wed, 07 Apr 2021 04:00:00 GMT

This week we talk about the latest flash in the satanic panic. His name is Montero and he worships pentagons or pentagrams or something. Enjoy the art!

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Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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122: Reviews of Churches

Wed, 31 Mar 2021 05:30:00 GMT

Catch us in Spotify's new playlist: Podcasts brought down by Scientology. Hopefully we can still make it as minions at a megachurch!

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Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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Between You And Us: Episode 22

Mon, 29 Mar 2021 04:00:00 GMT

We're reading reviews sent in by you! To send your favorite reviews in, write to beachtoosandy@gmail.com with the subject "Between You and Us"

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Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod

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Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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121: Reviews of Fish Fries

Wed, 24 Mar 2021 04:00:00 GMT

If you don't pray to the tabernacle of Betsy or Fish Fry Daddy, then what're you doing with your life? Probably poppin' pillies and listening to Tupac...

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Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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120: Bagel Shops in New York, New York

Wed, 17 Mar 2021 04:00:00 GMT

To anyone who wants to buy the rights to Boris' Yelp account for their dissertation, please get in touch. Oh and FBI, you're welcome for finding the Zodiac Killer. Alex will accept his medal now.

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Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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119: Reviews of Crystal Shops

Wed, 10 Mar 2021 06:00:00 GMT

Christine is throwing stinging bites at reviewers while Alex wonders where you were all conceived.

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Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod

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Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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118: Reviews of Six Flags

Wed, 03 Mar 2021 05:01:14 GMT

The demonic Foghorn Leghorn rises from his coffin after 30 hours of eating cockroaches. Bert and Ernie quake in fear.

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Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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117: Valentine's Day Reviews

Wed, 24 Feb 2021 05:00:00 GMT

This episode will have you believing in love and God. We hope it makes you ripple ;)

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Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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116: Poutineries in Canada

Wed, 17 Feb 2021 08:00:00 GMT

A lot is resting on this wiener.

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115: Reviews of Girl Scout Cookies

Wed, 10 Feb 2021 08:00:00 GMT

We almost titled this episode "The Girl Scouts Trip to the Slaughterhouse."

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Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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Between You And Us: Episode 21

Mon, 08 Feb 2021 08:00:00 GMT

We're reading reviews sent in by you! Including possibly our least favorite review of all time... #FrozenHaters #IHateFrozen To send your favorite reviews in, write to beachtoosandy@gmail.com with the subject "Between You and Us"

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Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod

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Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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114: Reviews of Renaissance Fairs

Wed, 03 Feb 2021 08:00:00 GMT

Warning: atheists and jugglers ahead. Don't say the town crier didn't warn you...

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113: Government Buildings in Hawaii

Wed, 27 Jan 2021 08:00:00 GMT

I would not buy this for my cat. I would not buy this for my hat. I do not like it, Sam I am.

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Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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112: Reviews of Music Venues

Wed, 20 Jan 2021 08:04:09 GMT

Please consider contributing to the fundraiser for Milan Loncar: https://www.gofundme.com/f/milans-memory

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Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod

Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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Between You And Us: Episode 20

Mon, 18 Jan 2021 08:00:00 GMT

Hello plebs.. plubs? We're ready reviews you found on the internet and sent to us! To send yours in write to beachtoosandy@gmail.com with the subject "Between You and Us"

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Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod

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Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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111: Reviews of Golden Corral

Wed, 13 Jan 2021 08:00:00 GMT

Grab your pizgetlovy and stay close to the bathroom, because we've immune system compromising reviews to read ya!

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110: Ghost Towns in Texas

Wed, 06 Jan 2021 08:00:00 GMT

Wait... what's that noise? Oh god Vicki's coming! Hurry, climb up the rocks. No, the colorful ones! But wait, don't forget to ask first. Oh no it's too late...

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Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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109: New Year Reviews

Wed, 30 Dec 2020 08:00:00 GMT

*bomb* *cross* *airplane* if you know what we mean :grin:

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Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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108: Holiday Reviews

Wed, 23 Dec 2020 08:00:00 GMT

Four days and seven scores ago, Tim Allen learned the secrets of Santa Claus from his father. And now we’re here to pass those secrets on to you. Enjoy!

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Watch Alex’s special Christmas stream this Friday! https://twitch.tv/XandySchiefer

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107: Reviews of Driving Schools

Wed, 16 Dec 2020 08:37:04 GMT

We're just two podcasters trying to make an honest living. So what if we like looking at hotties with honkers?Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMAListen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpodLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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106: MLMs in Utah

Wed, 09 Dec 2020 08:27:57 GMT

If you can get past our weird improv, you'll get to hear all about a great opportunity. Get in on the ground floor of our new oat milk multilevel marketing company! We'll even let you be a CEO! Boss babes only.Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMAListen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpodLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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Between You And Us: Episode 19

Mon, 07 Dec 2020 08:00:00 GMT

We're back with Between You And Us and it's amazing, crazing, looking for the mazing! Sorry we haven't been releasing these, we've just been so busy being ourselves since we can't be sharks.Follow Alex's Twitch stream to make his hair purple: https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschieferCheck out our new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMAListen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpodLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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105: Reviews of Target

Wed, 02 Dec 2020 08:00:00 GMT

This episode is brought to you by refrigeration and Gucci. Learn more at this year's Downton Abbey expo in Minot, ND.Follow Alex's Twitch stream to make his hair purple: https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschieferCheck out our new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMAListen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpodLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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104: Black Friday Reviews

Wed, 25 Nov 2020 08:00:00 GMT

This episode is sponsored by corporations that would probably not approve of our content. Just kidding, it's sponsored by the holy trinity of luxury: Gucci, FedEx, and UPS.Check out our new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMAListen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpodLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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103: Tourist Attractions in South Dakota

Wed, 18 Nov 2020 08:00:00 GMT

While we set the bar merely a millimeter above the ground, you can't deny this is the absolute BEST podcast hosted by siblings with the last name Schiefer!Check out our new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMAListen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpodLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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102: Reviews of Private Investigators

Wed, 11 Nov 2020 08:52:02 GMT

Or are they private dicks? Regardless, we're scared of them almost as much as we are of the idea that there won't be a Santa Clause 4 #TimAllenForSC4Check out our new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMAListen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpodLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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101: Autumnal Reviews

Wed, 04 Nov 2020 08:00:00 GMT

This week we explore our new favorite place to find reviews: QVC. It inspires Alex to start his campaign to become one of their next presenters, and it inspires Christine to start writing her new screenplay Alvin and the Chipmunks: After Dark. Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMAListen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpodLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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100: THE WORST OF BEACH TOO SANDY, WATER TOO WET

Wed, 28 Oct 2020 07:00:00 GMT

We did the unthinkable! We made it to 100 episodes. Take a horrifying stroll down memory lane with us as we revisit the funniest, most cringe-worthy reviews we've read thus far. Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMAListen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpodLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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99: Halloween Reviews

Wed, 21 Oct 2020 07:18:23 GMT

WARNING: CONTAINS SEXY STUFF. Which basically just means we talk about Charlie Brown and Spooky Buddies. Please be safe this Halloween season and don't summon Satin and keep your wife away from lovely yellow minions. Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMAListen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpodLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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98: Cemeteries in Louisiana

Wed, 14 Oct 2020 07:00:00 GMT

Hey ghostie, bring that thicc smoky body this way ;)Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMAListen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpodLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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97: Apple Orchards in New Hampshire

Wed, 07 Oct 2020 07:00:00 GMT

Welcome to Asparagus: Fully Plucked, where we provide educational agriculture content to all members of Pat's Kingdom. So sit back, roll a rug in a bug, and enjoy!Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMAFollow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschieferLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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96: Corn Mazes in Iowa

Wed, 30 Sep 2020 07:00:00 GMT

Normally since it's his birthday, we'd say 'All hail Xandy!' but we're over here hailing the corn cob cannon king instead. Maybe next year, Xandy. Maybe.Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpodWatch Alex's 12 hour birthday stream! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschieferSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMALogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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95: Daycares in Indiana

Wed, 23 Sep 2020 07:25:44 GMT

Thanks for tuning in to episode 1 of Dilbert + Smash Mouth: A Haunting. We hope you enjoy the nonsensical ramblings of a former Indiana model and his M&M loving sister.Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMAFollow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschieferLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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94: Airports in North Carolina

Wed, 16 Sep 2020 07:00:00 GMT

You give podcasters a listen, you feed them a meal. Teach podcasters to steal listens, they probably get kicked off their platform. This made slightly more sense with apple sauce... Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMAFollow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschieferLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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93: Malls in New Jersey

Wed, 09 Sep 2020 07:09:17 GMT

Well this was a weird one, so I'm not sure what to say here. Something something IKEA gnomes and bread bowls. Y'all know.Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMAFollow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschieferLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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92: Parking Violations Bureaus in Los Angeles, CA

Wed, 02 Sep 2020 07:05:16 GMT

Christine and Alex, the scum of the earth, are back to discuss communism, Kafka, and The Parking Enforcement Agenda (PEA). Christine also throws curses around like they're nothing, so we're sorry in advance if we ruin your life.Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMAFollow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschieferLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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91: Beaches in Rhode Island

Wed, 26 Aug 2020 07:00:00 GMT

Hey all you naughty gulls, thanks for tuning in to Christine's National Convention. She has only one platform: Eradicate All Ocean Worms. Please don't vote for her. Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMAFollow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschieferLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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90: Small Towns in Ohio

Wed, 19 Aug 2020 07:00:00 GMT

We're going through our lives as a couple of dunk clowns: We think too highly of ourselves and we laugh at our own jokes. Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMAFollow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschieferLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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Between You And Us: Episode 18

Mon, 17 Aug 2020 15:54:06 GMT

Need more of life's sweet substance? We got you covered. We're back with another episode where we read reviews that you found and sent in to us! Email us at beachtoosandy@gmail.com with the subject "Between You And Us" and you might be featured in next month's episode!Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMAFollow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschieferLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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89: Lighthouses in Maine

Wed, 12 Aug 2020 07:00:00 GMT

After years of perfecting our popsicle stick versions of episode 89, we've finally released the finished product. In this episode, we read reviews of lighthouses worthy of Steven King's editor. So sit down, heat up your beans, and enjoy the episode. But before you listen, heed this warning: sexy stuff.Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMAFollow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschieferLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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88: Adult Video Stores in Missouri

Wed, 05 Aug 2020 15:44:12 GMT

Welcome to rush week! There's only one option and it's They-ta They-ta They-ta. And everyone is invited to join! The only hazing will be us forcing you to watch Ants With No Pants on DVD. Welcome!Get 15% off your merch order with coupon code TOOSANDY now! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMAFollow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschieferLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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87: Cowboy Boots in Texas

Wed, 29 Jul 2020 07:58:51 GMT

If you're wondering what Jimmy Fingers is up to, he's using those fingers of his to go to https://www.raicestexas.org/ways-to-give/bond-fund/ to donate to the RAICES Texas Bond Fund! They are a nonprofit agency that promotes justice by providing free and low-cost legal services to underserved immigrant children, families, and refugees. Get 15% off your merch order with coupon code TOOSANDY now! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMAFollow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschieferLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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86: Climbing Gyms in Colorado Springs, Colorado

Wed, 22 Jul 2020 07:00:00 GMT

We're back with possibly the most garrulous podcast in existence. Are we using that right? Anyway, help Christine reach her goal of terminal velocity and help Alexander reach his goal of man spreading all over the internet. We promise the experience will be anything but lugubrious! Ok, no, that definitely can't be right. Where's my thesaurus...Subscribe to Alex's YouTube channel to watch his Joe Exotic transformation! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCyamOY_uT2j3KM_wDCOSLNQBuy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMAFollow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschieferLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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Between You And Us: Episode 17

Mon, 20 Jul 2020 07:00:00 GMT

This is a historic moment in Beach Too Sandy history. We read the first review where the reviewer changes their own mind while writing the review. Almost as breathtaking as seeing a grackle in the wild. Listen and appreciate the beauty.Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMAFollow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschieferLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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85: Garbage Plates in Rochester, NY

Wed, 15 Jul 2020 07:00:00 GMT

Think people can't possibly be snobs about something called a 'garbage plate?' Think again, then update your Rolodex. Also, fair warning to people who don't like rats, we talk about them A LOT this episode. Because you know what they say, 'Wheres there hole, rats will find it.' And in our field of dreams, there are plenty of holes for Remy.Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMAFollow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschieferLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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84: Historical Sites in Italy

Wed, 08 Jul 2020 07:00:00 GMT

After the success of our Disney Parks episode, we decided to do another one! Oh wait, never mind, these reviews are of Pompeii. But apparently some people can't tell the difference. In an attempt to redeem the craziness, we read our oldest reviews yet! And if that doesn't float your gondola, we talk a lot about sewage.If you want to watch Christine mangle Alex's hair LIVE, follow Alex's Twitch channel here: https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschieferBuy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A and to participate in Jackbox Games nights!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMALogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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83: Zoos in Norway

Wed, 01 Jul 2020 07:00:00 GMT

Don't be too surprised if we rename our podcast to The Shanti Chronicles, because Alex loves his new adopted Gibbon daughter. The news about her might be the most important part of our episode, but it doesn't take away from the craziness that are these reviews. So be sure to listen to this episode, because it has elks, ducks... everything!If you want to watch Christine mangle Alex's hair LIVE, follow Alex's Twitch channel here: https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschieferTo see a picture of Shanti, go here: https://www.instagram.com/beachtoosandyBuy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A and to participate in Jackbox Games nights!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMALogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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82: Scuba Diving in Guam

Wed, 24 Jun 2020 07:00:00 GMT

Disclaimer: These Podcast Hosts Be Wildin'. Wait, what does that even mean? Anyway, we're reviews of scuba diving in Guam, then Alex reads reviews where the reviewer vows never to return to a state/country. It's just as fun as it sounds! So don't *fundamentally* stop listening to our show and listen to episode 82 now!Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A and to participate in Jackbox Games nights!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMAFollow Alex on Twitch to see the upcoming haircut disaster! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschieferLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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81: Adventure Parks in Puerto Rico

Wed, 17 Jun 2020 07:00:00 GMT

Who the hell gave us this platform? Oh yeah, you all did... Well thank you for having an IQ higher than a crab and being an outlet for our boring childhood stories. We'll post proof of our "extreme skill and coordination" on our social media in the form of skydiving photos. Enjoy!Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A and to participate in Jackbox Games nights!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMAFollow Alex on Twitch to see the upcoming haircut disaster! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschieferLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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80: KFC in Japan

Wed, 10 Jun 2020 07:00:00 GMT

Welcome to the Church of Yelp, where we teach you everything it takes to get yourself into hell. We're reading reviews of the "benign personality cult" also known as KFC in Japan. Then, Alex sings a warbling tune of reviews where the reviewer mentions a dream they had. All in all, it's a pretty fun episode to listen to as long as you're not Australian. Fair warning.Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A and to participate in Jackbox Games nights!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMAFollow Alex on Twitch! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschieferLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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Podcast Blackout

Wed, 03 Jun 2020 07:00:00 GMT

We will not be releasing a regular episode this week in an effort to listen to, learn from, and amplify Black voices. Tune in to this brief recording or visit https://tinyurl.com/blmforever for tips on joining the fight against racial inequality and police brutality. #TheShowMustBePaused

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79: Reviews of Water Parks

Wed, 27 May 2020 07:00:00 GMT

Between the indiscriminate pooping, tea bags, and bodily excreted waste... this might be our grossest episode yet. But if you can make it through, you can hear our mother's favorite joke. Well, maybe that's the worst part of the episode. We'll let you be the judge. See you in our next show, "Yelper Nightmares!"Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A and to participate in Jackbox Games nights!Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMAFollow Alex on Twitch to watch our upcoming Jackbox Games nights! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschieferLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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Schiefer Madness: Few Things Considered

Fri, 22 May 2020 07:00:00 GMT

Welcome to our first weekly Winnie-sode! We discuss jellybean storage, dried up condoms, and we touch on what it's like to be an oxygen-dependent woman of a certain age. That's our story, morning glory!Follow Alex on Twitch to watch our upcoming Jackbox Games nights! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschieferBuy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A and to participate in Jackbox Games nights!Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowetLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD, sirkoto51, and tyops.

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78: Craft Stores in Raleigh, NC

Wed, 20 May 2020 07:00:00 GMT

The Schiefer Siblings are coming out to play! And they're on a mission... to normalize... constipation? God this episode is messy. If you want, you're welcome to dive headfirst into this mess of crazy craft store reviews and reviews of cat cafes from people allergic to cats. This episode is not sponsored by Eagle-Eye Cherry, but we wish it was as he's pretty much the coolest. Follow Alex on Twitch to watch our upcoming Jackbox Games nights! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschieferBuy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A and to participate in Jackbox Games nights!Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowetLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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Schiefer Madness: Karma Will Prevail

Fri, 15 May 2020 07:00:00 GMT

From bidets to porn sites, we talk about pretty much everything this episode. Thankfully it's a bonus episode, so we can do what we want! And so can you, but we'd encourage you to donate to the One Fair Wage Emergency Fund by going to OFWEmergencyFund.org. With your leftover money, feel free to buy yourself a plague doctor mask.Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowetLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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77: Lakes in Minnesota

Wed, 13 May 2020 07:00:00 GMT

Turn off your Jimmy Buffet and hop aboard the Silky Pig, because we're going yelping! Join us on this amazing natural journey where we discover all the crazies Minnesota has to offer. Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowetLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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Between You And Us: Episode 16

Mon, 11 May 2020 07:00:00 GMT

Before you listen to this episode, we've gotta lay down some ground rules. We expect you to either write us a poem or give us a dollar. And once you do, you'll have to follow the golden rule: ~*~Impeccable Vibes ONLY~*~ Only then can we accept you as our succulent listeners.Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowetLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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76: Bowling Alleys in Philadelphia, PA

Wed, 06 May 2020 07:00:00 GMT

We've got new merch!! Head over to bit.ly/beachtoosandymerch for a "Lunatic Leftwing Liberal Loser" pin, a "Baron of Cream" shirt or a Beach Too Sandy decal! If you've ever eaten calamari at a bowling alley, this episode isn't for you. Because the lit fairy godmothers Malex and Mristine are judging you. But don't worry, Malex gets what's coming to him when he embarrasses himself by being unable to say "early bird menu" properly. So at least listen to that struggle.Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowetLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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Between You And Us: Episode 15

Fri, 01 May 2020 06:00:00 GMT

Since this was released at 11 PM our time on April 30th, we're counting it as the April Between You And Us. Deal with it or face us and our spirited personalities.Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowetBuy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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75: Buffalo Wings in Buffalo, NY

Wed, 29 Apr 2020 07:10:25 GMT

We hope after listening to this episode, you tell everyone how much we mind blew you with our talk of mutant chickens and souvlaki #WhitePizzaWith500RawOnionsInAPoolOfWaterSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowetBuy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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Schiefer Madness: Animal Crossing

Sat, 25 Apr 2020 07:00:00 GMT

Listen to this week's episode to find out how you can win a copy of Animal Crossing: New Horizons for the Nintendo Switch! If you already own a copy, listen to this episode to hear us audition for the role of Animal Crossing voice actors, and to find out why Christine is on Alex's dodos' no-fly list.Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowetBuy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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74: Cigar Shops in Cuba

Wed, 22 Apr 2020 07:10:02 GMT

Years from now, we believe someone will wonder if Tim Allen was one of the hosts of Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet. And that person is Christine Schiefer. Find out what else she thinks Tim Allen was in on this episode of your favorite review reading podcast, this time with less Yelp... since apparently Cuba doesn't have Yelp. But we still think you'll enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowetBuy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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Schiefer Madness: it's about GI troubles that we all have

Sat, 18 Apr 2020 07:49:45 GMT

Calling all iron maiden fans! Whether that's of the band, the medieval torture device, or our mother. We've got an uplifting? bonus episode for you where we only read the positive reviews (mostly)!!!! So come join us for a Gonzo ride in this edition of Schiefer Madness!Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowetBuy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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73: Monuments in Washington, D.C.

Wed, 15 Apr 2020 07:00:00 GMT

YEGADS! In this week's episode, Christine philosophizes and Alex waxes poetic. If that doesn't convince you to listen to this one, then we don't blame you. But we hope you give us the chance to warn you about big brother watching you through light switches and of the dangers of fascist architecture. We promise it's worth it. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowetBuy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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Schiefer Madness: Erotic Hand Sanitizer

Fri, 10 Apr 2020 09:00:00 GMT

Is that title really not enough for you?Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!Go subscribe to our YouTube channel to see our beautiful faces! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowetBuy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD, robinhood76, and tyops.

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72: Resorts in Mexico

Wed, 08 Apr 2020 07:00:00 GMT

Let me tell you something, bro... *thumbs down emoji* *poop emoji *coffin emoji* *nails emoji* *baby bottle emoji* *pill emoji* *wrench emoji* KARMA BACK AT YOU!Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowetLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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Schiefer Madness: Tiger King

Fri, 03 Apr 2020 07:00:00 GMT

Hey all you cool cats and kittens! If you haven't watched Tiger King, give in to all the pressure and watch it. Otherwise, this episode is gonna be pretty nonsensical. All we want to do during our stay-at-home order is drink wine and rescue bobcats, but we took the time to record this ridiculous episode. Enjoy!Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowetBuy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD, robinhood76, and tyops.

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71: Universities in England

Wed, 01 Apr 2020 07:00:00 GMT

Love a good panto? That must mean you're British! So stop whatever yawn-fest you're participating in, and join us as we read reviews of universities in England. Christine also reads some of the worst reviews we've had on the show, and there's nothing redeeming about them. So... enjoy?Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowetBuy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD, sirkoto51, and tyops.

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Schiefer Madness: Quarantine Cuties

Sat, 28 Mar 2020 07:00:00 GMT

You should really listen to this episode, but keep in mind that it won't save your life. Only Lysol can do that apparently. We hope you enjoy this surprise bonus episode. Please stay safe out there! And a very big thank you to everyone who is still working and supporting their communities.Things you can do during the COVID-19 epidemic:Donate to help kids who depend on school lunches at http://www.nokidhungry.orgAvoid purchasing WIC items to save them for families who depend on WIC.Support your local Chinese businesses!Self-isolate! Vulnerable members of the community are depending on all of us to help stop the spread of the virus.And finally, be kind to yourself. If you are struggling with your mental health, you can contact the confidential Crisis Text Line 24/7 by texting HOME to 741741Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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70: Lord of the Rings in New Zealand

Wed, 25 Mar 2020 07:00:00 GMT

Dear Webmaster,Please enjoy this episode of us speaking in runes about Lord of the Rings. After that, Alex gives us a much needed pick me up when he reads reviews mentioning bodega cats, who are as fuzzy as the ham they eat. So turn your ring lights on and try not to be put off to hobbits!Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowetOr check out our new merch designs in our online store at shop.spreadshirt.com/beachtoosandy.Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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Schiefer Madness: Social Distancing

Fri, 20 Mar 2020 07:00:00 GMT

Things you can do during the COVID-19 epidemic:

Donate to help kids who depend on school lunches at http://www.nokidhungry.org

Avoid purchasing WIC items to save them for families who depend on WIC.

Support your local Chinese businesses!

Self-isolate! Vulnerable members of the community are depending on all of us to help stop the spread of the virus.

And finally, be kind to yourself. If you are struggling with your mental health, you can contact the confidential Crisis Text Line 24/7 by texting HOME to 741741

Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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69: Saint Patrick's Day Reviews Extravaganza

Wed, 18 Mar 2020 07:00:00 GMT

If you've never listened to Beach Too Sandy, prepare yourself by imagining you're meeting a 6-foot tall teddy bear with titanium legs. We're reading all sorts of reviews that are related (very loosely) to Saint Patrick's Day! Christine even sings and you definitely don't want to miss it. So pop out your Enya tape and enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.

Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, jimrsbjorklund, and tyops.

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68: Beaches in Australia

Wed, 11 Mar 2020 07:00:00 GMT

If you're considering writing a review of our show while hospitalized, be sure to wait until the morphine has kicked in. Because you might not be happy with us after this episode, especially if you live in Australia. But at least we stay true to our name and read reviews about beaches being too sandy and water being too wet! We'd say that's pretty 5-star worthy but we're a little biased.

Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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Between You And Us: Episode 14

Mon, 09 Mar 2020 13:10:36 GMT

If you normally listen to our show in the presence of family, we'd recommend switching that up for this episode. And if for some reason you let your children listen to this explicit podcast, DEFINITELY keep them far away from this one. Ok now that the warning is out of the way, allow us to tickle your ears with our tiny hands as we explore awful reviews and the people who write them.

Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, and tyops.

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67: Reviews of Disney Parks

Wed, 04 Mar 2020 08:00:00 GMT

Sure, we're probably the last people on the planet who should be hosting a podcast episode about Disney, but we still had a blast reading terrible reviews of their 'cloyingly ahistorical' parks. We do our best not to overanalyze the people who go out of their way to write today's reviews, mainly because we ourselves don't seem to know the difference between a large candle and a Disney villain. So throw on your Easter best, return any and all hamsters, and enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.

Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD, and tyops.

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66: Nightclubs in Berlin, Germany

Wed, 26 Feb 2020 08:00:00 GMT

Welcome to Schiefer Family Therapy, where the very hot and extremely humble Alex and croissant-phobic Christine tackle their biggest issues. If you're a family member of ours, please know we are terribly sorry for what you are about to listen to. And we'd honestly rather if you just skip this one... As for the rest of you, sit your bare bottoms down and enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowetBuy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD, sirkoto51, and tyops.

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65: Tescos in Dublin, Ireland

Wed, 19 Feb 2020 08:00:00 GMT

You're joining us live from the travelator in Tesco, where a follower of Christ and her alien intern brother are reading terrible reviews. These two right little chatterboxes have a doozy of an episode for you, so please enjoy this while our meager existences fight against the inevitability that is entropy.Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowetBuy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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64: Valentine's Day Reviews Extravaganza

Wed, 12 Feb 2020 08:00:00 GMT

The Valentine's Lorax has a warning for you: If you were hoping for our Ireland episode, don't listen to this one because you'll have to wait another week. Surprise! It's a Valentine's Day episode! We read reviews of all sorts of things to get you ready to stuff your face with conversation hearts and write your letter to Mr. Grindr. Enjoy!Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowetBuy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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Between You And Us: Episode 13

Mon, 10 Feb 2020 08:22:55 GMT

If you look in the mirror and say "RED RAW' three times while spinning, Bernie Schiefer will appear behind you or your money back.Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowetBuy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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Live at Spotify HQ in New York, NY

Fri, 07 Feb 2020 08:00:00 GMT

We made it through our first live show ever!! And now you have the chance to experience our discomfort from the comfort of your home. We had an amazing time and we are so grateful to Anchor, Spotify, and all our beautiful listeners who made this possible. Until we can come to your city, just listen to this, close your eyes, and pretend you're there with us. As long as it's not while you're driving. If you'd rather see Alex make the same face every time he reads a review, check out our YouTube channel where we'll be posting the full video including a Q&A! Enjoy!Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York now! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowetBuy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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63: Karaoke Bars in Halifax, NS

Wed, 05 Feb 2020 08:00:00 GMT

We're going international! We visit our neighbors to the north, Canada, to find out how they feel about their karaoke bars. Then, Christine shares reviews of escape rooms written by people who had no business being in an escape room. Secure your patio furniture and hold on to your headphones, because we're exploring awful reviews and the people who write them.Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York this Friday! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowetBuy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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62: Dunkin' Donuts in Concord, NH

Wed, 29 Jan 2020 08:00:00 GMT

Grab your plain sticks and your snotty coffee, because we're about to go on quite the journey. First, we read reviews of good old Dunkin' Donuts in the northeast, specifically in Concord, New Hampshire. Then, Alex completes the challenge of finding reviews where people used self defense tools on themselves. And it's just as ridiculous as you think! Tune in to find out where we're going next now that we finished all 50 states!Go watch our latest YouTube video to see us reveal the man behind the intro: https://youtu.be/l8Qzn-kW2wYSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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61: Casinos in Biloxi, MS

Wed, 22 Jan 2020 15:25:52 GMT

Welcome to the Schiefer Casino! We've got Mark who has a gaming license from eBay and Braley is behind the bar serving up only top shelf drinks! We are also known for rewriting LGBT history and for hiding Steak 'n Shakes from Ashley. We welcome everyone (other than knife salespeople) to another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Go watch our latest YouTube video to see us reveal the man behind the intro: youtu.be/l8Qzn-kW2wY

Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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60: Pizza Places in Wichita, KS

Wed, 15 Jan 2020 08:00:00 GMT

After forgetting it existed, we finally find ourselves in Kansas! We read reviews of pizza places and discuss the future of the Tootise film franchise. Then, Alex reads a variety of reviews of gay bars and they're just as good/bad as you expect.

Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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Between You And Us: Episode 12

Mon, 13 Jan 2020 08:00:00 GMT

Greetings from the Schiefer Sisters! We're back for another episode where we read reviews sent in by you, our lovely listeners! So stop smelling horses and put down your pizza rolls, because something is rotten in the State of Yelp... Enjoy!Go watch our latest YouTube video to see us reveal the man behind the intro: youtu.be/l8Qzn-kW2wYBuy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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59: Resorts in Charleston, SC

Wed, 08 Jan 2020 08:00:00 GMT

We have some actual exciting news this episode, so listen up! Then listen to us read some ridiculous reviews written by both real and not so real people. I'm too sick/seeping too much to think of funny things to write, so just try to enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!Go watch our latest YouTube video to see us reveal the man behind the intro: youtu.be/l8Qzn-kW2wYBuy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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58: Arcades in Nashville, TN

Wed, 01 Jan 2020 08:00:00 GMT

Christine (cactus print) and Alex (stripper scent) bring you the first Beach Too Sandy episode of a new decade. We read reviews of arcades, arcade bars, and dueling piano bars (for some reason) in Nashville, TN. Then Alex lives up to his challenge, reading negative reviews of kitchen products that weren't used as intended. Hopefully we don't ruin your entire decade with another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!
Go watch our latest YouTube video to see us reveal the man behind the intro: youtu.be/l8Qzn-kW2wY

Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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57: Holiday Reviews Extravaganza

Wed, 25 Dec 2019 08:00:00 GMT

This week, CHRISTine and Alex reveal what is causing the death of all humans... at least according to a single reviewer. Believe it or not, it's not caused by Starbucks holiday cups. Apparently those are just the result of Lunatic Leftwing Liberal Losers like us. Try not to break your finger smashing the play button, and enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Go watch our latest YouTube video to see us reveal the man behind the intro: https://youtu.be/l8Qzn-kW2wY

Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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56: Ski Resorts in Burlington, VT

Wed, 18 Dec 2019 08:00:00 GMT

This week, we rewrite The Grinch, repurpose Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, and share other valuable pieces of media in the form of Yelp reviews. We hope this episode doesn't leave your puggle craving human flesh!Go watch our latest YouTube video to see us reveal the man behind the intro: https://youtu.be/l8Qzn-kW2wYSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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55: Car Dealerships in Fargo, ND

Wed, 11 Dec 2019 08:00:00 GMT

Happy podversary!! We're celebrating one year of Beach Too Sandy nonsense! Thank you so much for your support this past year. As a special gift, we've finally revealed the identity of the man behind our intro. And no, it's not Bosephus! So go watch our latest YouTube video to see that reveal: https://youtu.be/l8Qzn-kW2wYSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a livestream Q&A every month. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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Between You And Us: Episode 11

Mon, 09 Dec 2019 08:00:00 GMT

All hail King Salmon! Just... don't order him on a cinnamon raisin bagel. In this month's episode, we read some of the worst reviews you've ever sent us. And we're starting to think they cut off all circulation to our heads, because we blacked out halfway through. So throw on your 'flage Crocs and enjoy another special episode of Between You And Us.Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a livestream Q&A every month. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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54: Menards in Eau Claire, WI

Wed, 04 Dec 2019 08:00:00 GMT

Don't do us bogus and give this week's episode a listen. If you don't, Alex is going to take Christine's bathroom breaks away. So hear all about how the state of your local Menards means America is dead, and about how much better Timmy Ho's is compared to everything. Subscribe to our Youtube channel to see our latest video: A Haunting in Bavaria: youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to join our monthly patron only live stream! Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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53: Thanksgiving Reviews Extravaganza

Wed, 27 Nov 2019 08:00:00 GMT

*Insert Favorite Turkey Noise Here* Welcome to our Thanksgiving special! Now as a fireside chat! Your holiday is about to be ruined by the cornucopia of reviews that Christine brought to the table. Thankfully the couple Mr. and Mrs. Farmer redeem us in the end.

Have an amazing Thanksgiving!

Krissy Kiwi & ~*~tHe PiCkLe GuY~*~

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52: Dry Cleaners in Columbia, MD

Wed, 20 Nov 2019 08:00:00 GMT

Happy Wonderwall! Throw on your favorite Armani underwear, grab your hottest rock, and enjoy the premiere of Pretty Mayor - the opposite of Undercover Boss. If you want to hear Christine's beautiful singing, you're maybe the only person ever to feel that way. If you don't want to hear Christine's singing, you might want to skip this one.Subscribe to our Youtube channel to see our latest video: A Haunting in Bavaria: youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to join our monthly patron only live stream! Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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51: Golf Courses in Des Moines, IA

Wed, 13 Nov 2019 08:00:00 GMT

*golfer emoji* *golfer emoji* *golfer emoji* *hole-in-one emoji* *hole-in-one emoji* *hole-in-one emoji**frisbee emoji* *frisbee emoji* *frisbee emoji* *hole-in-one emoji* *hole-in-one emoji* *hole-in-one emoji*Subscribe to our Youtube channel to see our latest video: A Haunting in Bavaria: youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to join our monthly patron only live stream! Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.This episode is sponsored by FabFitFun. Use coupon code BEACH for $10 off your first box at www.fabfitfun.com #fabfitfunpartner

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Between You And Us: Episode 10

Mon, 11 Nov 2019 08:00:00 GMT

If you're reading this, you are officially banned from LeanCuisine.com. Feeling doo-doo trash about that? Then listen to us read reviews sent in by YOU, our lovely listeners. We hope you love this month's episode, but if you don't we are prepared to pay you 100 plates of calamari.Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a livestream Q&A every month. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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50: Apartment Complexes in Grand Rapids, MI

Wed, 06 Nov 2019 08:00:00 GMT

This week's episode is dedicated to Fat Cat Cora.Remember that time when we exposed a hairy underbelly? Well, this week's underbelly is even hairier. If you're looking for an apartment in Grand Rapids, we hope you don't take this episode into consideration (unless you love egg-hair and microwaved cups of pee). And if you believe the earth is flat, we also don't think this episode is for you. Everyone else, please enjoy us waxing "poetic" on the merits and failings of conspiracy theories... or feel free to hate the fact we did that!Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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49: Spooky Spots in Salem, MA

Wed, 30 Oct 2019 07:00:00 GMT

Welcome to the Beach Too Sandy Halloween Extravaganza!! We have such an exciting show featuring three very special guests! We bet you're reading this looking for a spoiler of who those guests are. Well guess what, we're not going to spoil the greatest surprise since that time Alex filled a pinata full of beans. But to entice you, here's a preview of what's to come: head lice, 666, ritual sacrifices, roast beef, Joe Bish, chainsaw butt thrusts, and Spooky Kama Sutra. Enjoy this SpOoKy OoKy exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them! And a very special thank you to our guests for making this our BEST episode yet! Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video.

Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by dAmbient and BrN.

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48: Halloween Stores in Virginia Beach, VA

Wed, 23 Oct 2019 07:00:00 GMT

WHEN YOU YELL, I YELP! Looking for a nose to pick? You've come to the right place. Turn up the Ziggy Idol, put on your star costume, and join us as we kick off spooky-ooky season with Halloween stores in Virginia Beach, VA! Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD, tyops, and RichardCulver.

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47: Wineries in Los Gatos, CA

Wed, 16 Oct 2019 07:00:00 GMT

Hello lovely listeners. Enjoying the table wine? Well why don't we take this back to our garden. We've got plenty of steamed salami to go around ;) Just don't let Louis out, we're happy he left his post at the winery for us. He just really loves when we take him on an exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them!

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Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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Between You And Us: Episode 9

Mon, 14 Oct 2019 07:00:00 GMT

Locusts, cicadas, and hard hats oh my! We're reading the reviews you want to hear! This time we read everything from book reviews to communion wafers. Listen now, because THIS. IS. CRITICAL.

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Music by PSOVOD, mrthenoronha, and tyops.

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46: Fitness Centers in Cheyenne, WY

Wed, 09 Oct 2019 07:00:00 GMT

Welcome to the start of our podcast recording marathon, AKA our descent into madness, AKA our descent into Christine's basement full of teens. Listen as we unload reviews of fitness centers from Cheyenne, WY (and Helena, MT, don't worry). Alex also shares reviews with lots of nudity and hedonistic bellboys. So tune into our liberal cesspool of a podcast as we take you on another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.Subscribe to our Youtube channel to see our latest video: A Haunting in Bavaria: youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to join our monthly patron only live stream!Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD, jimrsbjorklund, and tyops.

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45: Tanning Salons in Huntington Beach, CA

Wed, 02 Oct 2019 07:00:00 GMT

It's Alex's birthday episode and we certainly made the most of it. We discuss killing penguins and the miracle of childbirth, all while Alex intimately sings the praises of Scrub Daddy. Listen to your Podcast Messiah and his sister as they take you on another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Subscribe to our Youtube channel to see our latest video: A Haunting in Bavaria: youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to join our monthly patron only live stream! Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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44: Runzas in Lincoln, NE

Wed, 25 Sep 2019 07:33:41 GMT

Don't know what a runza is? Don't listen to us, because we think it's a hot dog bun sewn shut and filled with questionable ingredients. We don't have personal experience because we don't even know where Nebraska is. Thankfully, the good people of Nebraska tell us filthy animals what to really expect. Hop on Alex's wedding gator boat, or on Christine's log-like hide, and we'll take you on another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.

Subscribe to our Youtube channel to see our latest video: A Haunting in Bavaria: youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to join our monthly patron only live stream!

Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD, tyops, and Felix Mendelssohn.

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43: Antique Stores in Portland, ME

Wed, 18 Sep 2019 07:00:00 GMT

We're heading to Maine on the Gossip Train! We're stopping at the Charles Inn for a ghost made breakfast. Then we'll tour the basement where Stephen King lives, butchering the name of the town while we do it. Enjoy calming episodes of Antiques Roadshow as we pull into our final stop: the future burial sites of Alex & Christine in Kaneohe, Hawaii. So hop on and let our conductor, Gearshift Gambino, take you on another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.Subscribe to our Youtube channel to see our latest video: A Haunting in Bavaria: youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to join our monthly patron only live stream! Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetLogo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD, tyops, Chopin, Jerry Leiber, and Mike Stoller.

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42: Ice Cream Parlors in Charleston, WV

Wed, 11 Sep 2019 07:00:00 GMT

Adjust your husky pants and let us show you the world, shining glimmering... something. We're back and we're hungry for what West Virginia has to offer, hairy underbelly and all. So turn your ;( upside down and let these regular bloody stupid johnsons take you on another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to join our patron only Q&A!

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Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.
Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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Between You And Us: Episode 8

Mon, 09 Sep 2019 07:00:00 GMT

If you’ve ever read the name of our podcast and thought to yourself, "No one would ever complain that their water is too wet..." then boy do we have the episode for you! This week we read reviews sent in by YOU and this week's includes one with that very complaint. Oh and Christine improvises a limerick and Alex speaks in tongues... so your average episode from us. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video.

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Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, mrthenoronha, and tyops.

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41: Psychics in Albuquerque, NM

Wed, 04 Sep 2019 07:00:00 GMT

This week, we explore the underbelly (and overbelly) of Albuquerque. No clue what that means? Let's just say one has high metaphysical prices while the other is ruled by a farmer friar. Still not making sense? Then rub your Walmart crystals and take a hit from your Skyline flavor vape, because it's time for another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video.

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Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.
Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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40: Gas Stations in Wilmington, DE

Wed, 28 Aug 2019 07:00:00 GMT

We're forty, flirty, and friving! In this very special episodes, our jet lagged selves offer you a glimpse into what a Schiefer vacation is like. Hint: it involves wet shorts and Mao Zedong. Then we read reviews of gas stations... but they're mostly Wawa weviews. And finally, Alex provides unhelpful insight into what it means to be a religious solicitor.

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Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.
Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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39: Bookstores in Portland, OR

Wed, 21 Aug 2019 07:00:00 GMT

Witness if you will a subway tunnel, long abandoned below the bustling streets of Cincinnati. These tunnels have residents: Yelp reviewers. Let it be known that these reviewers have a disdain for soup and an affinity for Criss Angel: Family Man. You hear them chant, but only incomprehensible jokes about Dan Brown. They long for your company as they take a very meaningful journey into.... Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet.

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Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.
Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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38: McDonald's Restaurants in Billings, MT

Wed, 14 Aug 2019 07:00:00 GMT

This episode is dedicated to all the Tonys out there! Gather your escargatoire, put the salt away, and unfriend all Pauls, because it's time for another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video. Or check out our new merch designs in our online store at shop.spreadshirt.com/beachtoosandy. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Use coupon code BEACH for $10 off your first box at www.fabfitfun.com #fabfitfunpartner

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Between You And Us: Episode 7

Mon, 12 Aug 2019 07:00:00 GMT

Slip on some lulus, take a sip of yuppie crack, and dive into another week of crazy reviews sent in by you! Whether your name is Shinny or Sheenad, you'll enjoy this exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video. Or check out our new merch designs in our online store at shop.spreadshirt.com/beachtoosandy.

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Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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37: Dollar Stores in Birmingham, AL

Wed, 07 Aug 2019 07:00:00 GMT

Hello sweet children of a friend of ours, we hope you're having the BDE. Unfortunately ours is the WDE, because our Hot Bunz aren't working and Christine won't let Alex sell his Ten Renaissance Paintings. While we figure this mess out, please enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Otherwise, bad karma is going to happen to you.

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Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.
Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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36: Banks in Charlotte, NC

Wed, 31 Jul 2019 07:00:00 GMT

Welcome to Christine's Unnamed Game Show featuring Skeeve Harvey! In this episode, we cover finance, art history, sports, and rats. And Christine gives us some fascinating insight into her life: she's been to a bank. So enjoy our exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them, now playing on a little girl's YouTube channel.

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video!

Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.
Music by PSOVOD, tyops, dr_skitz, Adam_N, noah0189, oldedgar, qubodup, parkersenk, and Mrthenoronha.

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35: Souvenir Shops in Atlantic City, NJ

Wed, 24 Jul 2019 07:00:00 GMT

Alex: *loudly and desperately* "I FOLLOWED NONE OF THAT, BUT I HATED ALL OF THAT" *breaks into a sweat* Christine: *pulls up barstool* "EEK!!" *clinks glass* We hope you enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them, because Alex sure didn't. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, Okko Bekker, and tyops.

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34: Walmarts in Sioux Falls, SD

Wed, 17 Jul 2019 09:01:30 GMT

Calling all Walmartians! We came out of our basement to bring you an episode chock full of glory holes and racism. But don't worry, Christine left her teen greeters down there with the hair and stains. Needless to say, we hope you enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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33: Bars in Columbus, OH

Wed, 10 Jul 2019 07:00:00 GMT

In this week's episode we visit bars in Columbus to perfect our espionage techniques. It turns out, Christine is not a master criminal. Flip on your DB Cooper Baby Monitor and enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.

Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD, rodeoclash, ddmyzik, and tyops.

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Between You And Us: Episode 6

Mon, 08 Jul 2019 07:17:37 GMT

We've intercepted Bob Schieffer's emails to bring you this very important episode. He'd probably give this podcast 0 bombs if he could. But we hope the rest of you enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them, but ones our lovely listeners sent us!

If you'd like to submit a funny review, email us at beachtoosandy@gmail.com with "Between You And Us" in the subject line.

Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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32: Sporting Goods Stores in Anchorage, AK

Wed, 03 Jul 2019 08:12:38 GMT

We're bringing you another episode of Beach Too Sandy! We explore the sporting goods stores of Anchorage and get diplomatic about Alaskan weather. Then, Alex reads reviews written by the hardest criminals around: accidental thieves. Before we release our album of jump rope rhymes, enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.

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Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD, jimrsbjorklund, and tyops.

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31: Breweries in Little Rock, AR

Wed, 26 Jun 2019 13:04:19 GMT

Grab your tweens and make them listen to our wildest episode yet! Something is absolutely in the water supply and it's not making anyone more sane. Hear what the drunk people of Little Rock are saying about their local breweries, then hear what the conspiracy theorists are saying about Disney World. There's truly something for everyone in this episode, so enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, Modification1089, and tyops.

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30: Crab Houses in Baltimore, MD

Wed, 19 Jun 2019 07:00:00 GMT

Hi! We’re new and we don’t know a lot. What we do know is that these reviews are ridiculous as always. We read reviews written by some very crabby people and then Alex proves that Southern California has the best convicts. Please enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.

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Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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Between You And Us: Episode 5

Mon, 17 Jun 2019 07:37:01 GMT

A Beach Too Sandy love story: We love you very much and we will never hurt you.

Come join us as we dive into our email inbox and read the best of the best citizen reviews!

If you'd like to submit a funny review, email us at beachtoosandy@gmail.com with "Between You And Us" in the subject line.

Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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29: Movie Theaters in Providence, RI

Wed, 12 Jun 2019 07:02:56 GMT

We're back with another episode for your listening displeasure. We read the worst reviews of movie theaters in Providence, RI, and Christine reads reviews written from the perspective of pets. I mean, who would want to miss hearing Christine channel her new friend Martin Van Purren? Oh, you? Well then go away. As for the rest of you, please enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, sirkoto51, and tyops.

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28: Tattoo Shops in Tulsa, OK

Wed, 05 Jun 2019 07:00:00 GMT

Between all the talk of pearls and jumper cables, this episode is particularly heinous. For that reason, we're officially putting a ban on 13-19 year olds listening to this podcast. For everyone else, please enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.

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27: Ghost Tours in New Orleans, LA

Wed, 29 May 2019 07:27:40 GMT

Welcome to our morning morbid show with morning joe. In today's episode, we're taking you on a very bumpy ride through New Orleans. Please refrain from peeing or exposing yourself, no matter what we say in the show. After we give you the rundown of the debauchery of ghost tours, Christine talks about lost corpses and Disney World. Just listen if you want any of this to make sense.

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Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.
Music by PSOVOD, Thejack288, and tyops.

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26: Parks in Milwaukee, WI

Wed, 22 May 2019 07:46:00 GMT

Is it possible for people to give their local parks bad reviews? Yes. And it's as crazy as you'd think! Alex then reads conspiracy theory reviews that no one needs to hear. Whether you listen to this in your home, lighthome, or waffle home, you won't be disappointed! Don't take our words for it, just listen to our new friends: Matthew, Poopie, and Coochie Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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25: DMVs in Phoenix, AZ

Wed, 15 May 2019 07:00:00 GMT

Get your sunglasses emoji ready, because we've got some "cool" reviews for you. We're reading the worst reviews of DMVs in Phoenix, AZ. Now imagine how boring an episode like that would normally be, and try to give this one a shot anyway. We end the episode with hilariously awful reviews of restaurants where customers thought they were receiving other people's leftovers.

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Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD, tyops, tim.kahn, and Carl Orff.

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Between You And Us: Episode 4

Mon, 13 May 2019 07:00:00 GMT

Ghosts, choking, vampires... wait, what podcast is this again? Oh yeah, the one where we take the mask off of humanity and reveal its truest form. And in this episode, we're back to reading reviews sent in by our listeners! Come join us as we dive into our email inbox and read the best of the best.

If you'd like to submit a funny review, email us at beachtoosandy@gmail.com with "Between You And Us" in the subject line!

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Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and tyops.

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24: Post Offices in Washington, DC

Wed, 08 May 2019 07:00:00 GMT

In our most educational episode yet, we broaden your vocabulary as well as your understanding of the Geneva Convention. But don't worry, there's plenty of stupidity as we explore our nation's capital for the worst post office reviews we can find. Then, Alex gives a challenge to YOU, the listeners, because he's a failure.

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Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD, typos, John Siegler, and John Loeffler

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23: Toy Stores in Chicago, IL

Wed, 01 May 2019 07:00:00 GMT

Welcome to Geppetto's Geriatric Sex Dungeon. Grab a doll, pick a booth, and enjoy our tastiest episode yet! We learn about all the toys Chicago has to offer, and we explore the stupidest recipe reviews on the internet!

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22: Beaches in Honolulu, HI

Wed, 24 Apr 2019 07:00:00 GMT

In this week's episode, we reveal our titular story. We also discuss condoms, feces, and panty liners. So basically... we're discussing humanity this episode. We do that by reading reviews of both ABZ and LDC. No idea what those are? Listen to find out!

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21: Elementary Schools in Pittsburgh, PA

Wed, 17 Apr 2019 07:00:00 GMT

This podcast made me laugh so bad!!! I threw up. It's time to kick off your Skechers and enjoy a new episode of Beach Too Sandy. While exploring reviews of elementary schools, we inadvertently explore our unfortunate middle school experiences. Enjoy the trauma!

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Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and typos.

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20: Nostalgia in Los Angeles, CA

Thu, 11 Apr 2019 07:00:00 GMT

Episode 20 is the extravaganza you didn't know you needed! To mark the special occasion, we surprise each other with reviews of places that are close to our hearts. Hop in Guy Fieri's convertible and take this trip down memory lane with us!

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Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD, typos and Mark Snow.

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Between You And Us: Episode 3

Mon, 08 Apr 2019 07:00:00 GMT

Cover your trouser! We're back with some PHAT reviews, ranging from Starbucks to Mount Rushmore. This episode = was passable. Just don't laugh too loudly or we'll call security... and remember, fishing is NOT a crime.

If you'd like to submit a funny review, email us at beachtoosandy@gmail.com with "Between You And Us" in the subject line!

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Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD and typos.

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19: Coffee Shops in Seattle, WA

Wed, 03 Apr 2019 07:14:03 GMT

In our quest to find the worst reviews, we may have found the worst one yet. As difficult as that was, we make it through. Next in our journey, we get lost in the Bermuda Triangle of Yelp pages, but we eventually find our way... For the sake of humanity we must continue.

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Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.
Music by PSOVOD, and tyops.

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18: Comedy Clubs in Hartford, CT

Wed, 27 Mar 2019 07:00:00 GMT

This week, Lisa Lampanelli graces us with her voice... and a plea to our beautiful listeners. This is followed by plenty of tallywagging from Alex and hooting from Christine. And we cap it all off with the discovery of... ANTIMONTY! No garlic fries here, just misery and displeasure. Enjoy! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, and tyops.

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17: Hospitals in Boston, MA

Wed, 20 Mar 2019 07:00:00 GMT

In this week's episode, we take on communism, mary-juana, and the feminist agenda. It's truly an episode for the ages. But don't worry, we bleep out the worst of it. Thankfully, the world still gets to hear about Alex's first (and last) Hooters experience. Come along for the experience of a lifetime, and spread the word using #octothorpe. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, and tyops.

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16: Hardware Stores in Nashville, TN

Wed, 13 Mar 2019 07:00:00 GMT

If you ever want to blackmail us with fake audio pulled from various sound bites, boy do we have the episode for you! We provide you with amazing quotes such as "I'm going to flip my shit and burn down this place," and "I typed out the word 'sex' a lot today." And by we, we mean Christine. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by abett, PSOVOD, and tyops.

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Between You And Us: Episode 2

Mon, 11 Mar 2019 07:00:00 GMT

The voices of a generation reading reviews sent in by fans of a generation. That's right, we're back and we're engaging in civil dialogue. We're reading what YOU want us to read. Instead of spending your hard earned money on over priced cold dessert coffee thing, why not just listen to a free radio show? Btw, we're not armed and we're wearing our "Make America Emo" hats again. Thanks for inserting us into your ears!

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15: Record Stores in Indianapolis, IN

Wed, 06 Mar 2019 08:00:00 GMT

RudeJuggalo, WeedLMFAO, alxdude9, and imalwayzcrazy444. Which ones are our old AIM accounts and which are new? You have to listen to find out! This week we travel to Indianapolis to visit some of our best friends, including Air Bud, the Indiana Sniffer, Sonic the Hedgehog, and SpongeBob. We're still trying to connect the dots... Grab your accordions, your Faygo, and please keep your septum piercings in your septum!

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Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD, jgreer, and tyops.

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14: Libraries in Los Angeles, CA

Wed, 27 Feb 2019 08:00:00 GMT

Hooded figures, dead bodies, and squirt machines. Or, your average Beach Too Sandy episode. If you think this episode stinks, watch out for our next collab: Corpse-be-Gucci. This episode is ideal for morgues, autopsy rooms, body bags, etc. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by Myuu, PSOVOD, sirkoto51, jgreer, and tyops.

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13: Comic Book Shops in New York, NY

Wed, 20 Feb 2019 08:00:00 GMT

Hear ye hear ye! Green grocers and proprietors alike! We have an episode that will surely challenge your views and give you a bad case of the sweats. Gather yourself below one of the Brooklyn Bridges, open up to page 1 of Christine's Teen Zine, and pour out a cup of our child's water. Just be sure to leave your 2 year olds behind.

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12: Liquor Stores in Louisville, KY

Wed, 13 Feb 2019 08:00:00 GMT

In this week's episode, the gang announces their next venture (unfortunately it's not a liquor store in Louisville, KY). Please wish us luck on our imminent future as born again Belgians, and please enjoy this episode responsibly.

Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD, plasterbrain and tyops.

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Between You And Us: Episode 1

Mon, 11 Feb 2019 08:00:00 GMT

In the first edition of our monthly Between You And Us episodes, we read reviews of your most suggested item. This episode is an exploration of the human body and its limits. You will learn so much from this episode, but you won't want to remember any of it. But you should already know what you're getting yourself into...

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11: Strip Clubs in Las Vegas, NV

Wed, 06 Feb 2019 08:00:00 GMT

WARNING! Do not let your ladies listen to this show. We will steal them from you. In episode 11 we go back to our roots: Vegas strip clubs. More specifically, the Chippendales show which helped launch the idea for this podcast. Now’s your chance to hear a brother and sister relive the moment where they were forever scarred. If you like what you hear, hop on the nearest FedEx truck - we’ll meet you “at spa”!

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10: Museums in Boise, ID

Wed, 30 Jan 2019 08:11:44 GMT

Welcome to episode 10 of the podcast where a couple of poorly dressed jobsworths read awful reviews. This very special episode is full of big announcements and big egos. We even answer the age old question: Which has more museums, Boise or New York City? We also discover the world of people who get excited by squirrels, making this our most wholesome episode yet. But don't get too excited, because we're still being described as "what muppets would sound like on crack."

Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by PSOVOD, Sirkoto51 and tyops.

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9: Waffle Houses in Atlanta, GA

Wed, 23 Jan 2019 08:00:00 GMT

What's the difference between Waffle House and your friendly neighborhood orgy? According to this week's reviews, possibly nothing. Whichever one you're going to, be sure to watch out for pink eye!

"SIGNED ALEX AND CHRISTINE!"

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Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by jgreer, PSOVOD and tyops.

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8: Dentists in Denver, CO

Wed, 16 Jan 2019 08:00:00 GMT

Psst... yeah you... ever heard of... Presbyterianism? Then do we have the episode for you. We explore Denver for the worst reviews of dentists. Then we spread the good word of Ouija board reviewers. Take a break from your job as a bad teeth model and enjoy the sweet sugar voices from the unflossed mouths of Christine and Alex.

Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by jgreer, PSOVOD and tyops.

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7: Bridal Shops in Houston, TX

Wed, 09 Jan 2019 08:00:00 GMT

Buckle up, folks, because things are about to get "unsettling." Tune in to hear bridal store reviews from angry brides-to-be in Houston...and their dolls. Meanwhile, Alex introduces a couple toy-loving adults and expresses his own desire for a talking bird robot. Thinking of giving us negative 5000 stars? Big mistake...HUGE!

Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

Music by Robinhood76, zagi2, qubodup, jgreer, PSOVOD and tyops.

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6: Pet Stores in Salt Lake City, UT

Wed, 02 Jan 2019 09:11:39 GMT

Lost the instruction manual for your new pet bird? You’ve come to the right place! This week we read pet store reviews in Salt Lake City before trailBLAZing down an uncomfortable path of sci-fi erotic fiction…kindle edition. Tune in for bad snake advice, gladiator music and, as always, plenty of disgruntled customers.

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5: Hair Salons in Ann Arbor, MI

Wed, 26 Dec 2018 05:00:00 GMT

Join us this week as we head to Ann Arbor to hear what people think of their local hair salons. Please enjoy, but watch out for the dead body out back.

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4: Tech Stores in Jacksonville, FL

Wed, 19 Dec 2018 08:00:00 GMT

Wuz up! In episode 4 we explore the world of tech stores in Jacksonville, FL.

Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

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2: Hotels in Kansas City, MO

Wed, 12 Dec 2018 08:00:00 GMT

Episode two is here! We cover 1-star reviews of hotels in Kansas City, MO.

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Logo design by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

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1: Grocery Stores in Cincinnati, OH

Wed, 12 Dec 2018 08:00:00 GMT

Welcome to the first official episode of BTSWTW, featuring 1-star reviews of grocery stores in Cincinnati, OH.

Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Logo design by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

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3: Car Washes in Minneapolis, MN

Wed, 12 Dec 2018 08:00:00 GMT

It's episode three, y'all! Tune in for some...interesting...reviews of car washes in Minneapolis, MN.

Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

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TRAILER

Fri, 07 Dec 2018 08:00:50 GMT

Is your beach too sandy? Water too wet? Ice too cold? More importantly, do you feel like yelling about it on the internet? We’re here to help. Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet features dramatic readings of one-star reviews written by people who just need to have their voice heard. Episodes released every Wednesday.

Logo designed by Courtney DeKorte Theme by Mavus White

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