Boners of The Heart Podcast

Episode 4

Sat, 29 Mar 2025 17:00:00 GMT

Bring! Bring! The podcast is inundated with callers this episode much to Rose's dismay and Alice’s delight. The girlies bring this surprise comeback to an end, promising to record again when they feel like it.

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Episode Three

Fri, 28 Mar 2025 17:00:00 GMT

Once again, Rose talks about being afraid of dying and Alice does nothing to make her feel better. Both are struggling with dopamine addiction (in a very relatable way) and Alice makes Rose list her favourite things about her.

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Episode Two

Thu, 27 Mar 2025 17:00:00 GMT

They’re back again! And this time, it’s just as long! Rose and Alice debate the end of the world and draw no useful conclusions on anything discussed!

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Welcome Back...

Thu, 27 Mar 2025 00:33:03 GMT

After a 5-year(?) hiatus, regrettably lifelong friends, Rose and Alice return to record 4 episodes of the once hit podcast Boners Of The Heart. It’s a long boring discussion with almost no substance whatsoever — but don’t worry, they’re still both in bad moods!

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2022: Live

Fri, 23 Dec 2022 11:36:28 GMT

Snedheads and Matafans rejoice - Rose and Alice have taken the stage for this one-off episode, recorded in front of the live studio audience. Luckily, in the last two years since the last episode not a whole lot has happened so it's only the important issues in this one. Liam Hemsworth's too long hair, Ellen Degeneres I-Told-You-So and The Top Celeb Couples of 2022.

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Leave It All In

Tue, 06 Oct 2020 11:00:00 GMT

Alice and Rose discuss the anatomy of a dinner fight about mental development for about 10 minutes followed by Rose having a moment of either self-reflection or self-doubt which Tim has decided to leave in. Then, it's essentially couples' therapy with an acknowledgment that despite all the fighting and bickering - this is the very closest to a relationship Rose has ever experienced with another person. Meanwhile Alice's co-dependent relationships abound and some light ruminations on fears about marriage.

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How Be Single

Tue, 15 Sep 2020 12:00:00 GMT

Alice and Rose get the microphones out after watching the 2016 romantic comedy 'How To Be Single'. They talk about love, life, relationships and the subliminal reinforcement of white supremacy through a lack of onscreen representation. Aussie Annie makes an unwelcome return.

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Alice Shouldn't Live Here Anymore

Sat, 12 Sep 2020 12:00:00 GMT

Alice bought a microwave and it may have led to a fuse blowing in the Airbnb. The discussion quickly devolves into a full examination of Rose and Alice's particular brands of anxiety. Not many laughs in this one but sometimes you have to get heavy, y'know.

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Here Come The Brides

Thu, 10 Sep 2020 12:00:00 GMT

Alice and Rose are back in the UK, back in a quarantine and absolutely back on form. The two plan their imaginary weddings and get into a lengthy and somewhat boring argument about open marriages. Both Alice and Rose recorded this episode lying down and Alice is currently on her period. Email bonersoftheheart@gmail.com

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Jacinda Ardern - That Rando Bitch

Thu, 20 Aug 2020 12:00:00 GMT

A episode of Boners start with donuts, continues with Alice's vape struggle, rounds the barriers to both gals potential political careers and ends with a realisation that having to stand by your own opinions is too hard. Why does anyone do it? Also - Chris Martin is hot and no correspondence will be entered into on this matter. Thank you.

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Repress and Do Not Address

Mon, 17 Aug 2020 12:00:00 GMT

Alice and Rose are back in lockdown together and that can mean only one thing - more Boners of The Heart! Alice is claiming vehemently that this show passes the Béchamel Sauce Test. Rose is under pressure to figure out whether she's getting too famous to lust after celebrities, and worse still, if it's still a valid podcast premise in 2020. Greg The Egg gets a good, strong look in and Russell Crowe is very much off the list. May not have ever actually been on it!

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Kelly Clarkson Is Cool

Thu, 23 Apr 2020 12:00:00 GMT

Alice defends Kelly Clarkson despite Rose not bringing her up or having any opinion about her. Alice attacks Rose for her choice to be a strong, independent woman who doesn't reply to texts. Have you noticed that Rose writes these descriptions? I wonder if she'll ever know (she won't).

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Optimistic Cynic

Mon, 20 Apr 2020 12:00:00 GMT

On today's episode! We discuss: regretful covid purchases, depression, optimism and sleep.

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This Shoo Tall Pass

Sun, 19 Apr 2020 12:00:00 GMT

The gorgeous girlies speak on their frequency of showers, memories of sex and Rose continues to campaign for the podcast to end for good.

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Telling It Like It Is

Thu, 16 Apr 2020 12:00:00 GMT

Alice and Rose have finished their travel isolation and have been legally separated. Will their natural chemistry still translate over Zoom? No.

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Announcement of The Boners of the Heart

Fri, 10 Apr 2020 12:00:00 GMT

A little trailer letting people know what's up now for The Boners of The Heart from here on. TL;DL Rose and Alice are parting ways but will still be recording episodes. Thanks to the Sneddens and bonersoftheheart@gmail.com is still the email aadress for all your late night drunk messages!

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Holly and Dolly

Thu, 09 Apr 2020 12:00:00 GMT

Alice and Rose talk at length about what they find attractive in a person. Alice paints a picture of an egg while Rose lies on the couch in the sun. They round it out with an unhinged act out of Dolly Parton meeting Holly Hunter in the bathrooms of the 2002 Hurricane Katrina fundraiser.

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Comrades of the Heart

Wed, 08 Apr 2020 12:00:00 GMT

An extra long episode recorded from Alice's bed. Alice and Rose talk Ellen, argue about Alice's lack of hobbies but mostly talk about the downsides of capitalism. It's a long one so we honestly won't be offended if you don't listen to the whole thing.

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Florence Pugh's Salad

Tue, 07 Apr 2020 12:00:00 GMT

Alice and Rose tease their live debate on Friday re: How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days and reassure you that their friendship is intact. At one point Alice has to go down to turn the garden tap off for her dad, and they critique Florence Pugh's instagram salad.

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How To Lose A Friend in 16 Days

Sun, 05 Apr 2020 12:00:00 GMT

Alice and Rose have an incredibly heated discussion over who is more in the wrong in the 2003 film 'How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days'.

P.S. They remain friends for now.

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A Simple Favour

Wed, 01 Apr 2020 11:00:00 GMT

Alice and Rose have a heated debate over manners. That's the whole episode. Expect nothing more.

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Underarm Hairgate

Tue, 31 Mar 2020 11:00:00 GMT

Rose j'accuses Alice of looking at her underarm hair for too long. They tackle large philosophical problems with very little knowledge on the subject. Rose barely talks Alice out of getting fillers. Alice's dad fills the compost bin quite noisily.

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Maths is Not Our Strong Suit

Mon, 30 Mar 2020 11:00:00 GMT

Alice and Rose bicker over who has done the ‘bulk of the cooking’ in the flat. They talk ideal celeb isolation buddies, as well a new foray into a segment they will invariably forget to keep doing, “How is Elio masturbating today in isolation?”

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PILOT!

Sun, 29 Mar 2020 11:00:00 GMT

After a weekend off podcasting, ALice and Rose are back and so is Rose's period - at the stoke of midnight. Like a church bell. Your hosts rate the cast of Succession, tell a dog to be quiet a lot and have approximately 3 - 5 mini fights in this episode.

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From The Couch

Thu, 26 Mar 2020 11:00:00 GMT

Alice's worst day in lockdown yet and she's resorted to shopping for sex toys. Meanwhile, Rose is going OK. Hates running. Bit bored. Stalking ex-boyfriend's ex-girlfriends. You know what? Maybe not OK.

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"That's Shmag!"

Wed, 25 Mar 2020 11:00:00 GMT

Rose "Actually Very Affectionate" Matafeo gets into her love language and let's us know she is NOT pregnant (unless there's some kind of period miracle going on here). An actual call and an actual dog on this episode. We find out Alice's kink and a return of How Would Ross F***.

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Honey, I Delayed The Reboot

Tue, 24 Mar 2020 11:00:00 GMT

Rose is getting her period soon and has f***ed her back. Alice has too much on, despite being in isolation. The productivity trap has entrapped us all and your hosts have had a big fight.

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Free Form

Mon, 23 Mar 2020 11:00:00 GMT

Alice has left her boxing gloves in the rain and Rose is not feeling great and that's fine! The phones are running hot. But do not rely on these gals. Some #CovidCrush's, some emails and no responsibilities.

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STI-positivity

Sun, 22 Mar 2020 11:00:00 GMT

Your pals are on day two of quarantine and Rose would bone Billy Bob Thornton. Alice loves Angelina Jolie AND Jennifer Aniston – she is a true bicon. A decision is made to record in the morning away from whiskey and what's Harry Styles up to?

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Boners of The Quarantine

Sat, 21 Mar 2020 11:00:00 GMT

Rose and Alice are back, together, in lock down because of certain global events. Trapped together for the next two weeks (at least), the pair rip into celebrities responses to what's happening and predict an end to celebrity at large. Rose is focused on when she's next going to get to have sex and Alice has dramatically ended her relationship with

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The Island of Lesbos

Sun, 22 Sep 2019 12:00:00 GMT

Alice and Rose are turning the podcast into an advice show so please tweet your questions to @BonerOfTheHeart or email them to bonersoftheheart @ gmail.com. This decision was recorded live from an airport in Athens, Greece where Alice is waking Rose up with questions about killing chickens. In this impromptu episode; What's wrong with Henry Cavill? Why are there so many Burger King crowns around? And Does EVERY relationship have an expiry date?

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Full Blown Panic Attack (Live in Edinburgh)

Sat, 31 Aug 2019 12:00:00 GMT

Rose is having a bit of trouble in Edinburgh, Scotland - too much weed. Alice, a former weed great, has taken charge and ordered an ambulance. On a less dramatic note; Music videos are back in style, some potential libellous content about Robbie Williams is in this ep and Rose and Alice pose the question Why aren’t the NZ Edinburgh crew all fucking?

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When Joey Met Anna

Wed, 31 Jul 2019 12:00:00 GMT

See details for the upcoming live shows here.

Your gals are BACK! Alice rules at Devil Sticks, Rose is off masterbation but and teenaged Simba is hot! Several minutes of this rare Boners episode (recorded in front of a live London audience) is dedicated to the pronunciation of meghan markle, Louis Theroux, Matthew McConaughey and more. Plus, the phone lines are open...

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On Vulnerability

Tue, 04 Jun 2019 12:00:00 GMT

Hollywood Power Couples are under the microscope in this episode and there’s a lot of hits (and a few misses). Rose and Alice interrogate whether slashing men’s tyres is acceptable for anyone who isn’t Pink and discuss their desire to spend a lot of time at the Clooneys’ beach house in Cabo but zero time with the Clooneys. Rose looks into marriage and Alice doe a deep dive on Brené Brown’s research into happiness. Plus – Will and Jada; Are they open?!

Boners of the Heart Live Soho Theatre - 15 July, London

Alice at Soho Theatre - 22 & 23 July, London

Rose at Leicester Square - 25 & 26 July, London

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Not Natural Partiers

Wed, 22 May 2019 12:00:00 GMT

Alice is ready to cry and wants to know how Rose processes emotion (and where she's at in her cycle). Rose hates confrontation and maybe Alice should try that. Why is there so much fragility and raw emotion? Because these two podcasters have had a bit of a party night. Alice recalls a memory of herself on eccies(sp?) that makes her physically sick and a birthday cake on the d floor incident which legitimately makes the pair question what life is all about.

LIVE SHOWS:

Boners Of The Heart at Soho, London, 15 Jul

Alice Snedden, Soho, London, 23 July

Rose Matafeo, Horndog, London, 25/26 July

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Salted Caramel (Live in Melbourne)

Tue, 23 Apr 2019 12:00:00 GMT

Alice and Rose are live in front of a live audience in Melbourne. Alice's parents come to Melbourne and it turns out she may have an Oedipal complex. And also be in love with Rose? Turns out smokers are cool, bicycles may not have been around in the 1920s and Ask.FM is a great way to generate questions for your live podcast episodes.

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Rejection

Sun, 17 Mar 2019 19:00:00 GMT

Make sure you’ve done your kegels for this ep (and for the love of God, don’t listen if you’ve ever been in a relationship with Alice or Rose, or might one day potentially pursue them). There’s a lot of questions and a few regrets, mainly this whole episode and possibly the live shows. Is rejection kinda funny? Are we supposed to be monogamous? What do you get from f***ing and do you actually believe in love? Let’s try answer at least 50% of those.

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The Boner of Comedy

Sun, 10 Mar 2019 11:00:00 GMT

In which Rose Matafeo and Alice Snedden discuss the attractiveness of humour in a partner and try to assess whether Alive has been pouring her heart out too much. And whether Alice has been a good friend to anyone in the last four months. Also a frank discussion on the bonability of Peter Davidson, a special appearance from producer Tim weighing in on the the fragility of comedians and a phone call from Kate Beckinsale.

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Paddle Motion (Live from London)

Wed, 13 Feb 2019 19:00:00 GMT

Performed live at London's Soho Theatre, Rose and Alice end the Woke War in an armistice and visit Madame Tussauds to reconcile. Alice is trying to figure out if every Instagram DM means they want to sleep with you and how to go down on women. Rose ponders Kevin McLeod’s bone-ability in the face of his arrogance and dream-crushing tendencies. A brave audience member offers James Corden to assessment and the Joseph Pilates maybe got dirt kicked in his face as a kid or something?

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The Paris Episode

Wed, 06 Feb 2019 19:00:00 GMT

They actually did it. The gals have taken a romantic trip to France and are treating us to some ASMR courtesy of macaroons. Rose reveals she has an emotional, psychic gift and Alice has decided she’s moving to Paris. A pretty intense woke-off between is contained within the walls of this episode and a whole lot of intense acid reflux.

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Shower Privileges

Wed, 30 Jan 2019 19:00:00 GMT

Alice remembers a time in her childhood when she thought her life would be sorted by now and guess what everyone, it kind of isn’t. This is basically half an hour of philosophical musings on life, death and linear time with a brief stop in from the concept of privilege.

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Not Safe For Family Members

Wed, 23 Jan 2019 19:00:00 GMT

It’s 2019 and Rose and Alice are debating current web design and UI on porn sites. Snedden’s handing out some scorn and a hung over Matafeo just gave herself a blood nose. We got New Years goals, being loud (and stealing) in stores and lusting over Nathan Fillion, circa Two Guys and A Girl. Plus a call direct from Australia!

Alice's Soho show: 18/19 Feb

Rose's LA show: 13 Feb

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Skip This Episode P2 Ft. Spider

Thu, 27 Dec 2018 11:00:00 GMT

Turns out this podcast series has consequences after Alice's boss discovers misadventures from the last episode. Alice is trying to suppress her laugh but suppressing nothing during some newly-found frank dialogues with her mum about sex. Rose tried to plot herself on a social matrix of Shy, Confident, Extrovert, Introvert and redefines what it means to be an SJW. Then it’s time for the big questions, like Does Being An Alpha or Beta Depend On Your Hemisphere? Can You Change Your Nature After 30? What’s Your Star Sign?

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Sore Titties

Wed, 19 Dec 2018 11:00:00 GMT

This episode is sponsored by GoNative.co.nz

Award winning comedians Rose Matafeo and Alice Snedden discuss hosts discuss nipples, visible areolas, crying at the ocean and being yelled at as an adult – And that’s just the first 10 minutes! The gals go deep on whether unrequited love exists and Rose has a legitimate break through on the show unpacking why she's emotionally repressed. A brief reference to whether Tim Allan is attractive ticks the box for fulfilling the premise of this podcast series and Rose wonders aloud whether if she even knows how to be a good friend.

Buy tickets to Alice’s show at London’s SoHo Theatre

Buy tickets to a live Boner’s show at Soho Theatre

Tweet/follow Boners

There is no ticket link for Rose's shows, by Alice’s request.

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Men Who Sit Alone on Park Benches

Wed, 05 Dec 2018 11:00:00 GMT

This episode is sponsored by GoNative.co.nz

Alice grabs some beers and cigs to settle in and remember a time when she had zero creativity. Rose teases out what her attraction to Daniel Day-Lewis in Phantom Thread means. The pair then try to suss out the difference between pursuing bad men and pursuing bad relationships and vie to the title of Boners of The Heart’s True Introvert. Get in quick: The phones are running off the hook.

Tickets to the Boners Soho show & Tickets to Alice's Soho show

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Ice Cream With Milk

Wed, 21 Nov 2018 11:00:00 GMT

This episode is sponsored by GoNative.co.nz

Tweet/follow Boners

Alice is on a 6-week cycle and it's driving her nuts. She’s even considering taking up acting. But first, she’s going to have to pull off a convincing British accent for Rose. Then, the gals compare notes on who they’d be DTF from Rolling Stone Magazine's top musicians list and the phone is ringing off the hook!

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Vulva Pride

Wed, 14 Nov 2018 19:00:00 GMT

This episode is sponsored by GoNative.co.nz

Tweet/follow Boners here

Alice's brain has turned to a 30 year old mush and she can no longer access pop culture.

She can however discuss the changing nature of vaginas over the age and having sex in front of a mirror with her good friend, Rose. Josh Lucas and Patrick Dempsey from Sweet Home Alabama and Nic Cage in Moonstruck are under the hot, hot spotlight of objectification. Plus a special call from a famous aunt!

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Broken Heart Boners

Wed, 07 Nov 2018 19:00:00 GMT

This episode is sponsored by GoNative.co.nz

The cracks appear early in this episode. Forged in the different viewpoints of 2018's A Simple Favor. Henry Cavil serves as a further bone(r) of contention between Rose and Alice and what appears to be the final nail in the coffin of this friendship is Snedden's absolute podcast diss by teaming up with The Male Gayz for a several episode mini-series covering the A Star Is Born films. This may be it for the podcast.

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Foodies v The Letter B

Wed, 31 Oct 2018 11:00:00 GMT

Some early confusion on what the boners are this ep is proceeded by a spirited (and horny) defence of Blake Lively. Brad from YouTube's Bon Appétit being crowned hottest man in existence and Alice and Rose shout out the legendary Jennifer Garner. Special guests include Justin Timberlake and multiple sexual fantasies including Blake Lively.

This episode is sponsored by GoNative.co.nz

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Too Mama, Too Mia

Wed, 24 Oct 2018 11:00:00 GMT

The Boners are back. The hiatus is over with a Mama Mia 2 episode in which Alice attempts unsuccessfully to stifle a fart, Rose winning the 2018 Edinburgh Comedy Award and a discussion on the perfect age to give head. Calls from far and wide as we hear from the ghost of Meryl Streep, a super messed up Hugh Grant and more.

Sponsored by GoNative.co.nz - ingredients you need to create your own skincare products at wholesale prices.

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Boners of The Thunderstorm

Wed, 20 Jun 2018 01:11:13 GMT

Alice and Rose are full of whiskey and feeling frisky in this risqué and revealing ep. Find out the origins of Alice's laugh, which Myers Briggs group the gals are AND which streaming speaker is the best for playing the sound of a rainy day while you pleasure yourself. Also an exploration of the relative attractiveness of celebrity chefs!

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Male Gayz of The Heart

Sat, 02 Jun 2018 00:05:41 GMT

Welcome to a very special crossover event featuring the financially intertwined (and definitely not friends) hosts of Boners of The Heart AND The Male Gayz, bickering in one room together. Sponsors are out, Winona Ryder's acting abilities are in and Rose will not be attending Alice’s funeral. Secret hallways, sex on trampolines and a very special phone call await you.

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Lady Boners aka The Fault Among These Stars

Fri, 25 May 2018 05:28:56 GMT

A couple of beers accompany this here episode of Alice Snedden trying to sell you shakti mats. Both Boners gals are salivating over Jane Lynch, St Vincent, Kate McKinnon and other ladies that'd do stuff with. The Matafan vs Snedhead fued is making a come back and a deep dive on whether or not the pair would bone Marc Maron in the 1970s?

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Emotional Horn Dogs

Sun, 13 May 2018 04:19:10 GMT

Recorded in front of a live audience in Melbourne, Alice and Rose ask what's the best relief for period pain; Whether there's anyone worse than James Cordon and what The Clam is. Then it's off to assess some Aussie hotties or notties.

Get 30% off Boners merch for a VERY LIMITED TIME with the code MOMHEART30 at our merch store
Alice's stand up show is in Auckland this week
Rose has aded a date to her Auckland show this week too

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Acting Is Truth

Mon, 07 May 2018 08:17:51 GMT

Recorded in front of a live Auckland audience, Rose and Alice have sourced an array of potential boners to discuss including but not limited to: The Wiggle, members of 1D, currently serving justices on the US Supreme Court and, the Star Wars universe. Turns out Alice can't handle losing at arcades (or possibly just seeing women succeed around her) and there's a phone call from a special guest!

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Clip It Up!

Mon, 09 Apr 2018 09:51:52 GMT

It's time to pit two successful women against each other for a pop show down special: Comparing the past lovers of Taylor Swift and Katy Perry.
Rose is saying some pretty contentious stuff and Alice is keen to take her comments out of context. Alice is again attempting to explain the rules of Rapid Fire: Hot or Not and it is, once again, a bloody nightmare. The episode quickly devolves into an extended chat about the voice of comedians in an age of Trump before returning to some Bonerific musings on Russell Brand and Orlando Bloom and a pretty bad story about Tom Hiddleston.

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Times Up, Seinfeld

Fri, 30 Mar 2018 04:04:04 GMT

Alice's Melbourne show is here and her NZ show is here
Rose's Melbourne show is here and her NZ show is here

Rose and Alice ARE BACK, BBs! In an ep recorded several months ago and surfacing just now, Alice (live from New York!) is upset about her terrible Uber rating and Rose is eating dinner exclusively inside UK Ikea stores now. There's confusion about how exactly is sponsoring the Times Up movement and seriously misguided attempts at feminism at the Golden Globes. Also, screw only children (jk, love you all) and then it's Seinfeld is back on the menu!

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The Holiday Special

Sun, 24 Dec 2017 00:49:04 GMT

In what was originally intended to be two epsiodes spanning Christmas and New Year, listen as Rose and Alice arrive at the conclusion in real time that this should be a single episode. Of course, we lead with apologies to you, the dear Boners listener for the accidental hiatus. Alice has been having singing lessons. Rose has reading up on women cumming (though not herself). Cameron Diaz is f***ing a car. It's all in there. Seasons greetings.

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The Lost Tapes

Thu, 26 Oct 2017 22:12:07 GMT

Nazis in Cafes Getting Coffee

Tue, 17 Oct 2017 23:00:00 GMT

Sponsored by KARMA COLA

This Boners opens with Alice coming pretty close to getting punched by Rose after a few attempts at some accents that don't land particularly well. Then it's on to the real issues: ISIS' marketing woes, how cafes should treat supporters of Hitler and most importantly; Boy Bands. It's a subject close to the gals' hearts, and for many women, their first boners of the heart growing up. From Nsync to Blue and even 5ive and Franz Ferdinand - there's a lot of rating and ranking to do.

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War Heroes of The Heart

Tue, 10 Oct 2017 22:58:49 GMT

Sponsored by KARMA COLA
Alice and Rose have intended to throw down on war heroes but the theme is (once again) quickly disregarded to dig into Rose's potential hypochondria/lupus and Alice's sexual attraction to Julia Roberts. Matafans and Snedheads gather round because your hosts are also rating each other as people. This itself, is quickly railroaded by a deep dive into Shania Twain's bio which is truly, incredibly sad. Enjoy!

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Classic Movie A**holes of The Heart

Thu, 14 Sep 2017 01:23:21 GMT

Sponsored by KARMA COLA

Rose and Alice are back and by their own admission, this isn't their best work. In this week, your pals discuss the horrificness of famed a'hole John Cleese and ponder whether the pair have been missed while on podcast hiatus. Alice has obtained a new TV and dish washer, meanwhile Rose discovered time travel and has had a set of bored older people attend her live comedy shows at Edinburgh. Kate Winslet is a recent addition to the sh*t list and someone doesn't know both Biff (Back To The Future) and HAL (2001). Find out who in this exciting return Boner ep!

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Divorces of The Heart

Sun, 13 Aug 2017 04:02:13 GMT

Sponsored by KARMA COLA

An episode filled with animus, unknown body liquids on leather seats and Rose and Alice going at it harder than ever before. Snedden claims to have an inhumanly acute sense of smell and Matafeo isn't going to take that BS. A rousing round of Hot or Not follows a stupid amount of time digging through the rulebook of the old game and frankly, it gets a bit abusive toward the end. Enjoy.

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No Kid Mood

Mon, 31 Jul 2017 21:10:21 GMT

Sponsored by KARMA COLA

Oh god, what is going on with Alice's back pain? Most likely endometriosis, surely. Rose gets stuck into her favourite websites this episode and there is some truly dark entries. But then it's on to the big questions; How old is too old to have kids? Are children simply a personal vanity project anyway? Would you want your offspring to be hotter than you? Also, a fantastic new caller enters the fray. And you can call him Al.

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Enrique Iglesias' Condoms

Tue, 18 Jul 2017 11:54:21 GMT

Wimbledon 2017 has died down but the boners rage on, with Alice and Rose spilling the deets on their favourite tennis playing crushes. Alice speaks on her love of hairy/angry men of the court, the girls figure out if Enrique Iglesias' small penis is #fakenews and in a BoTH first, Rose sheds actual genuine tears while retelling an Oprah makeover video she saw on YouTube.

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Villains Of The Heart

Wed, 12 Jul 2017 00:39:27 GMT

Sponsored by KARMA COLA

This week the girls choose which movie villains make them weak at the knees/pussies. Alice discusses her attraction to a Charlie's Angels era Crispin Glover, while Rose goes quite deep into a relationship fantasy with Hans Gruber from Die Hard. Hot-Yes and Hot-Not is back (along with all updated rules) and Rose receives a letter midway through this podcast (not an exciting one).

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Would Start a BnB With...

Thu, 29 Jun 2017 08:18:47 GMT

Rose and Alice are back after a hiatus to chat about getting wrinkles and starting neighbouring Bed n Breakfasts by the sea. Also blood in stool, how do you deal with that? Possibly not how Alice did! Author Fran Lebowitz, actor Catherine Keener, perennial activist Susan Sarandon and Mexico's most hated daughter; who among them would Snedden and Matafeo settle down with? Only one way to find out. And that is wading through this almost hour long catch up ep.

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Massaging The Butt

Thu, 01 Jun 2017 22:33:37 GMT

Sponsored by KARMA COLA

Rose and Alice are back, floating a pretty explicit sound women everywhere should be using to signify their appreciation of a good lookin man. Alice doesn't know how to ask for a butt massage but boy, does she need one. And the fight of the hour is: architecture enthusiast Brad Pitt v the evergreen Robert Redford. Undercard match: Sex and The City v Sex in The City.

Trailer: The Worst Idea of All Time

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Stage Throbs (Ft. Alcohol)

Sat, 20 May 2017 03:20:19 GMT

Sponsored by KARMA COLA

No attempt at a description could do this epiosde justice so just enjoy a very sauced Alice and Rose talking about stage actors and their buttholes.

Trailer: Walk Out Boys

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Friends (ft Madeleine Sami)

Fri, 12 May 2017 05:21:46 GMT

Sponsored by KARMA COLA and COMEDYFESTIVAL.CO.NZ

Recorded live in Q Theatre in Central Auckland, this episode was taped hot off of Rose reading a pretty mixed review for her Comedy Festival show. NZ comedy darling Madeleine Sami sits down with her and Alice to council Rose on this review and then discuss the comparative sexual proess of the cast of the TV series FRIENDS.

Trailer: The Male Gayz

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Live Show of The Heart

Fri, 05 May 2017 07:42:29 GMT

Sponsored by KARMA COLA and COMEDYFESTIVAL.CO.NZ

Welcome to this live episode of Boners of The Heart recorded live in Auckland's Basement Theatre, live. There's a bunch of great visual gags, several phone call and a whole bunch of audience suggested boners to assess. So let's get to it!

Trailer: Walk Out Boys

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Riverdale of The Heart

Fri, 28 Apr 2017 00:00:00 GMT

Rose and Alice are back to ID-checking the age appropriateness of their TV crushes as they explore the teen heart throb laiden world of the Archie Comics inspired Netflix series, Riverdale. Also in this ep; leaving a legacy through Instagram, much more gas-lighting and a phone call from a time travelling Rose Matafeo. Lots of chatter about death plus a brand new game to find out who the leaders of the Snedhead and Matafan Armies would bone!

Trailer: The Male Gayz

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White Pants

Mon, 24 Apr 2017 00:30:39 GMT

The Worst Boner of All Time

Thu, 13 Apr 2017 08:19:51 GMT

An amazing one-off Little Empire event, live from Melbourne - Rose and Alice join forces with Tim and Guy from The Worst Idea of All Time to watch the Zac Efron movie WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS and talk about in front of 150 paying strangers.

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Fight Club

Sat, 25 Mar 2017 02:00:00 GMT

Sponsored by KARMA COLA

The fight club is: EVERYONE IS WELCOME. Alice and Rose spend an extended amount of time discussing who would win in a physical fight between the pair and things get HEATED. Rose celebrates someone else's celebration of her feet, and to be clear, that's in a fetishy kind of way. Matthew Broderick, John Stamos, Scott Baio, Michael J Fox are pawed over and Alice delves into scientology. This some dicey content on this one, get while it while the takes are hot.

Trailer: The Worst Idea of All Time

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Crooners Calling

Mon, 20 Mar 2017 23:30:00 GMT

Sponsored by KARMA COLA

Welcome to Trump's Podcast, sponsored by Breitbart.com and the rest of the Alt Right. Hot or Not is a disaster straight out the gate, the girls are at each other’s throats but Nat King Cole almost brings the girls together (but doesn't). Rose and Alice compete for title of Most Powerful Ovaries before heading into the real meat of this ep – a 4 way phone call with Rod Stewart and Michael Bublé.

Trailer: Walk Out Boys

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Nipple Covers and Suited Men

Tue, 14 Mar 2017 10:25:04 GMT

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLA

There's a bit of passive agressive energy coming in early on this one, folks. Rose is feling very depressed after a night of drinking, Alice is terrified after catching herself topless in the mirror. A new host drops into the show by the name of Steph or Margo or Ronda or something. Eventually, your #1 gals discuss the relative merits of late night talk hosts and David Letterman's intern intercourse.

Trailer: The Worst Idea of All Time

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Live In The Flesh

Sun, 05 Mar 2017 06:04:07 GMT

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLA

A live episode recorded at the Poddy Fest 2017 in Auckland's Backbeat bar. Featuring Male Gay(z) Eli Mathewson and Rose live (at the time) via Skype on her birthday! The girls get to quiz a real life boy on what a real life boner feels like. Eli joins the Hot or Not, Yes or No, Magnetic or Shamgatic Rapid Fire Round and Alice recounts celebrity stalking stories including waiting outside Lady Gaga's hotel. Rose gets inspired and puts black tape on her boobs, Gaga-style. Plus What is up with Chris Martin's wardrobe and who did Alanis Morriset go down on in a movie?

Trailer: The Male Gayz

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Musi-cool B***ers

Fri, 10 Feb 2017 23:00:00 GMT

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLA

Originator of Fake News herself, Alice Snedden is joined by Musical expert and pro-lonely person Rose Matafeo to dissect their fav musical crushes. We've got Egyptian hottie Omar Sherif. We're got the epic tush of Gene Kelly. Discussions of sleeping with David Attenborough don't go as expected and there's a chance to sympathise with the No. 1 #SneddHead (Rose) via a charming a ancedote about f'ing up going to a live musical in London's West End with a friend.

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Biblical Babes

Fri, 03 Feb 2017 23:00:00 GMT

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLA

Oh boy, grab your rosary beads and say your Hail Marys because this is one seriously blasphemous boner! Featuring phone calls from the big guy upstairs Herself(I guess) and questions about Jesus' net worth. Rose is trying to pash the Virgin Mary at a house party and we're all going to hell. Enjoy.

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Deadies

Thu, 26 Jan 2017 09:07:36 GMT

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLA

Ya girls are back in a Freaky Firday switcharoo where Alice is to the Pro and Rose is causing trouble! They're discussing dead dudes they'd like to bone and no tomb is left untouched as the pair traverse talents from Jim Morrison to James Gandolfini, Paul Walker to Paul Newman. Enjoy and please don't report us to the authorities. It's all meant with love.

Trailer: The Worst Idea of All Time

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Little Empire Lolly Scramble

Thu, 12 Jan 2017 07:49:14 GMT

Hello listener! We hope you've had a happy new year and are looking forward to bringing you more Boners for 2017 but for right now, here's a sample of some of the other shows you may not have heard yet...

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DADDIES!

Fri, 30 Dec 2016 23:00:00 GMT

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLA

Trigger warning: There are Home Improvement spoilers in this episode. Also: Please note this was recorded before Alan Thicke passed away.
Sitcom daddies are in the burning hot spotlight of Rose and Alice this week. Kicking off with a rapid fire Hot or Not of TV Dads, the pair get offtrack almost instantly before comparing the sexy merits of Jim Belushi (According To Jim era) v Elliott Gould (Friends era). The perils of gambling and a call from Janet round off a ep so intense, you’ll want the producer to leave the room!

Trailer: Walk Out Boys

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Marital Aids for Teens

Sun, 25 Dec 2016 06:16:20 GMT

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLA

Elliott Gould, Steve Buscemi, Pierce Brosnan's eyes - oh boy! It's an old man extravaganza with the gals this week. Rose has her first period in AGES and cat posters are telling her to burn her apartment building down, cool eh?! Her and Alice discuss the critical flaw with the male pill: You have to trust men to tell the truth about it and the gals establish some rules for approaching parenthood. Also, what every teenage girl should be taught (1. masturbation 2. buy a viberator on your 16th birthday) plus Alice's conflicted relationship with porn and the girls' need for free range adult films.

Trailer: The Male Gayz

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Obamas of The Heart

Sun, 18 Dec 2016 01:39:25 GMT

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLA

Rose is concerned she may be murdered during the recording of this podcast and Alice is grapling with her rage issues. A declaration of war against another Little Empire podcast is announced and a discussion on the sexual habits of the elderly ensues. But ultimately, this is a show dedicated to the hotness of The Obamas. Please enjoy.

Trailer: The Worst Idea of All Time

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Weiner's Got Game

Sat, 10 Dec 2016 02:50:13 GMT

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLA

Your girls are BACK, BABIES! Season Three kicks off by returning to the Boner roots - human beings that Rose and Alice would like to bone. This week, political targets. Former US Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney, US Speaker of the House Paul Ryan, that teacher from Glee (OK, not 100% political). Also up for discussion - Does this podcast pass the Bechdel Test yet? Has Alice been brainwashed by the feminist agenda and what crazy diet is she on? How did Rose get on when trying to befriend some random Chicagoans? (Spoiler: not well). If you're favourite pair of self-esteem challenged podcast hosts bringing you the good word in the world of Boning.

Trailer: Worst Idea of All Time

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Fear and Anuses

Thu, 17 Nov 2016 11:06:07 GMT

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLA

In this final episode of the Boners of The Mind season, Rose and Alice are sharing their greatest fears on the poddy. Heights, air travel, dogs, regretting not having kids, regretting HAVING kids - It's all there. We also are privy to Rose's mum's celebrity crush, Alice's extensive medical history and a lot of talk about anuses. Shout outs to Harry Styles, the team who made Bridesmaids and the concept of farting one's self to death.

Trailer: The Worst Idea of All Time

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Plastic Surgery (Should or Should Not?)

Sun, 13 Nov 2016 08:13:41 GMT

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLA
After an unintended interruption in the flow of episodes, ya gals are back. Rose is hot out the gate with a big ol’ sleepy humble brag before launching into insecurities she has with her face. In an ill-considered move for the audio podcast, there’s a lot of analysis about our hosts’ faces look like while smiling. Alice proudly wears the mantle of being described as ‘intimidating’ while leader of the Matafans makes her choice between being seen as ineffective or angry. Shout outs to Lara Flynn Boyle, Calista Flockhart and Cher – plus a drop in phone call from Joey!

Trailer: The Worst Idea of All Time

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Death Penalty

Tue, 25 Oct 2016 18:52:59 GMT

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLA

Alice attempts desparately to hold in a fart while trying to match Rose's vocal range (both singing and accent work). The gals are looking for Australians who've been fingering their girlfriend at a bar. Is that you? Call now! Rose and Alice move into more high brow territory to discuss the possibility of gas effecting serious court decisions (To Kill A Mocking Bird) and great speeches (both MLK and Lincoln). Plus the myriad issues of Ted Bundy's good looks.
We al get a bit smarter from some case law via Alice a very scary story to boot.
We interrupt this podcast recording to bring you A MURDERER AT THE DOOR (maybe). Rose and Alice then get so grimmed out by all the murder talk that they transition into chats about high school, teenaged boozing and also, childhood boozing.

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The $5m Question

Tue, 18 Oct 2016 20:11:55 GMT

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLA (NOW IN CHILLI COLA FLAVOUR)
How are your nipples? No time for that because we have some huge philosophical questions to discuss. And by discuss, we of course mean mangle the articulation of and proceed to veer wildly off track from answering. Here's what is important though; We shouldn't be listening to Ayn Rand, Rose will kill Subway employees given half a chance and Alice would love to open an anarchic village bakery. Also, a in this ep, Philosophy Lightning Round featuring Bill Gates wallet and pig whipping.

Trailer: The Male Gayz

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Nature vs Nurture vs Is Rose A Psychopath

Thu, 13 Oct 2016 08:30:31 GMT

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLA

In this third episode of the Boners of The Mind series, Alice and Rose set out to answer whether human nature exists. Is there such a thing? Does nature or nurture form you? Let's not spend TOO long on that because we need to find out if Rose is a psychopath or just a lateral thinker, whether the $8 magic potion Alice drunk from a crystal loving 'spiritual woman' is legit and what Tom Hanks' little known medical condition is. Plus how young is tragically young to be on a diet? Is beauty objective? And finally, will your body plug itself if you have a period and go into water? LET'S FIND OUT in the latest Boners of The Mind.

Trailer: The Males Gayz

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God (Does HE Exist?)

Fri, 07 Oct 2016 05:45:45 GMT

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLA

Alice and Rose jump head first into one of the biggest questions of all: Does God exist? Along the way, we learn about Alice's drug trial days (wherein she ignored literally every safety rule they set), find out what the coolest religion is, discover what Rose's farts sound like and get a reasonable offer for the heavenly Father to attend a potluck dinner. Plus Joey's on the blower!

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B*ners of The MIND

Tue, 04 Oct 2016 01:42:02 GMT

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLA

Welcome to season two of Boners of The Heart: Boners of The Mind. Rose and Alice are back and better than ever as they get distracted in record time while trying to tackle heady issues. This episode: Capitalism v Communism gets quickly railroaded in favour of a chat about conspiracies from Rastafarians, how Rose will be remembered when she dies and wild guesses at how long humans have left on the planet.

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A Finale: Lady B*ners

Fri, 26 Aug 2016 05:34:30 GMT

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLA
It's been a good run but now in this final episode of season one, Rose and Alice tried to make up on lost time spent talking about men with a selection of lovely ladies that get them hot under the collar. Susan Sarandon, Eva Mendes and Julia Roberts enter the fray, as does a light hearted discussion on the nature of motherhood and whether or not you actually need to have kids anymore. Can't Alice just be a maternal figure to her nieces and nephews? Is she allowed to call the WiFi whatever she wants? Should a woman have a child out of politeness to her partner? All these issues and more are tackled by two infinitely unqualified souls who are just trying suss out their b*ners.

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Let's Call A Spade A Spade

Fri, 19 Aug 2016 01:57:45 GMT

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLA

It's a Spade off, David vs James (...Spader)! The original SneddHead (Alice herself) is being distracted finger blasting her own bun anus while head MataFan (Rose) drools over Joe Dirt, sex scenes from Pretty Women and men with iron deficiencies. There's a full roster of callers to the podcast this week including returns from Jenny AND Joey plus a new trucker driving man on the scene, Tommy. Also featured this week; An incredible lack of self esteem from your favourite show's hosts (this is your favourite show) and some very strong opinions about therapists and their terrible, terrible relationships.

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That Was Never A Comedy For Me

Fri, 12 Aug 2016 03:46:59 GMT

Emotional Arousal

Fri, 05 Aug 2016 06:06:05 GMT

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLA

The 1993 Mike Myers romcom 'So I Married an Axe Murderer' seems to be the loose-fitting theme for today’s discussion of unexpected celebrity hotties. In this exciting third instalment, we learn a little more about our podcasting bossom buddies (introducing three things Alice will always tell you about herself, as told by Rose) and get a highly conditional endorsement of #FreeTheNipple.
Rose’s Mike Myers poster that she’d kiss goodnight and Alice’s one-on-one basketball sexual fantasy is accompanied by a lot of accent work in this episode. Hope you like Anthony LaPaglia and Al Pacino's hair - those these gals sure do!

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B***ers of The Teenage Heart

Fri, 29 Jul 2016 07:18:07 GMT

The First Boner: #Snedheads v #Matafans

Fri, 22 Jul 2016 06:51:26 GMT

Welcome to Boners of The Heart, brought to you by Karma Cola. NZ comedians Rose Matafeo and Alice Snedden are here to chat about... well, a few things.

With an intention to tackle their weird celebrity crushes (is Rick Moranis a legit heart throb?) and unlikely sex dreams (Danny DeVito), this set of very funny gal pals explore a lot about themselves. Did you hate university cause people actually wanted to learn there? (Rose did) Did you ever accidentally go to The Prodigy instead of Neil Young cause you were on too many drugs? (Alice did) Have a listen, subscribe and for the love of god, follow Alice on Twitter to get her some numbers (@AliceSnedden).

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Episode One Trailer

Thu, 21 Jul 2016 12:58:07 GMT

Congratulations, you've found Boners of The Heart. An about-to-be-launched podcast hosted by Rose Matafeo and Alice Snedden. Subscribe now!

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