Cinema is History

A Man For All Seasons I: Cardinal Rolls-ey

Wed, 22 Apr 2026 23:04:19 GMT

Good Morrow, and Forsooth.

We return and this time we're on a collision course with Henry VIII and Thomas More, who are at loggerheads over the issue of D-I-V-O-R-C-E - and in the 16th century such a proposition was an even bigger P-A-L-A-V-E-R than it is today, especially when you're the fattest loudest ginger man to ever king it up. We meet talking sofas, wretched hairy stoats who want to be the Goblin King, and climb into bed with a battle axe. As if that wasn't enough,we witness Sir Tam getting 'canonised' the old fashioned way., take in a punt down the Thames and much 'More' besides!. Back by unpopular demand, no refunds. .

Music by Trabant 33

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Vice V: You Wouldn't Get Russell Martin Bombing Iraq at Three in the Morning

Tue, 17 Feb 2026 10:39:36 GMT

The final episode on Vice is finally here. Please note that while Dick Cheney is now brown bread, he was still very much white bread while we recorded this. We talk torture, heart transplants, and anonymous sources, as well as the moral insanity that comes as standard like power steering in a top of the range 4X4. We explore fishing, focus groups and Donald Rumsfeld getting the tin tack, and about ten minutes from the end, Alex says about the funniest thing I've ever heard him say, so stick around.

Also, Daniel, this is the episode in which we discuss Cheney shooting that poor guy on a hunting trip. This is for you mate.

Alternate title: "As Mad as an Outhouse Rat* "

Music by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

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*we do not say 'Outhouse'

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Vice IV: I'M A CAT IN A BOX, MIAOW

Sun, 08 Feb 2026 19:01:27 GMT

Our series on Vice continues, and while there's no Shakespeare this time, Dick Cheney does climb into a box and pretend to be a cat. David Addington reveals himself to be the worst lawyer in the world while thinking himself the smartest, and he's only superseded in pseudo-legal idiocy by John Yoo, a straight up maniac. We talk a bit about how language can be used to change the political weather, with the help of Frank Luntz, a marketing guru who looks exactly like a man named Frank Luntz ought to look. George W. Bush willingly reduces himself to a cipher as the brilliant, beautiful madcap but ultimately unconvincing Adam McKay narrative escapades continue. Huzzah!

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Vice III: Big Swinging Dick (Cheney)

Wed, 21 Jan 2026 19:26:47 GMT

The world of soon to be Vice President Cheney is far from a straightforwardly machiavellian one, as his kind, humane reaction to his second daughter Mary's revelation shows. Dick is still a Republican at heart though, and an absolute devil for intrigue, and so can't resist the siren lure of the dirty game of politics, despite having fulfilled his vows to wife and crown.

Expect unexpected Shakespearean soliloquies, phone calls from lackeys, perfectly paced scenes ripe with dramatic tension and Sam Rockwell who is great in this week's episode.

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Christmas Special - Armageddon - In Space No One Can Hear You Detonate A Nuclear Weapon

Sat, 27 Dec 2025 01:22:06 GMT

Merry Christmas everyone. Today we'll be delving into the true meaning of Christmas, the impending end of life on Earth and the fragility of existence. We'll discuss how Michael Bay gets a D- (at best) for astrophysics and the intricacies of allowing a lunatic, a sex offender and a Rasputin level mad cosmonaut loose on an asteroid with a big drill. Expect sexism, space dementa and a great ass(teroid) as we break out the mulled wine for a Christmas Special that's an action movie that stars Bruce Willis but isn't Die Hard.

Music by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

email us to complain about the choice of movie for our Xmas episode at cinemaishistory@gmail.com F//O Alex :D ,

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Vice II: Alligator Alcatraz?

Tue, 23 Dec 2025 10:45:15 GMT

The story of Dick Cheney continues, with two controversial Presidential guests for the price of one. We contemplate Alligator Alcatraz, the abolition of the Fairness Doctrine and much else. Warning contains, traces of Antonin Scalia.

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cinermaishistory@gmail.com for all your fine ideas and suggestions, and also moonhowling madness, we are a community here! :D

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Vice I: Un Cheneyed Melody

Mon, 08 Dec 2025 17:58:53 GMT

Welcome back! We begin another movie with a whistle stop tour of the beginnings of Vice President Richard B. Cheney, history's beigest monster. Cheney whoops like a madman, gets into fights in bars, flunks Yale, makes a promise to his girlfriend that he more than keeps, and encounters a rogue's gallery of absolute gargoyles, villains and cutpurses - also known as the powerbrokers in Washington DC. Expect perfectly innocent meetings about what to order from the Chinese takeaway. Cinema is History, We Are Back Baby!

cinemaishistory@gmail.com

Music by Trabant 33 licencsed via Epidemic Sound.

This podcast and all subsequent episodes were recorded earlier this year prior to the passing away of Dick Cheney at the age of 84 having lived a long life of misdeeds and expertly machiavellian intrigue..

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Halloween Special - The Horror of Dracula (1958) - Buckle Up Lads, It's Hammer Horror Time!

Fri, 31 Oct 2025 08:41:47 GMT

Happy Halloween! For a special treat we are going to be exploring the world of DRACULA - but not as you know it, the sets are made of questionable material, and the accents are disappointingly Anglophone. Everyone is middle class, looks smart and wears and tie, and of course, bloodsucking members of the undead harass decent law abiding verge trimming Conservative voters. It wouldn't have happened if that Mr Attlee hadn't gotten into power.

Expect scintillating turnip lantern chat, Christopher Lee throwing the smackdown and horse vampires as we explore the weird, wonderful, often disturbing world of Transylvan... Konigsberg? Klinsmannberg? WHY DID THEY CHANGE THIS?!?

Enjoy

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Official Secrets IV: Prepare the Documents!

Mon, 08 Sep 2025 19:33:44 GMT

The concluding part on Official Secrets introduces us to a pervert judge who is also somehow Winston Churchill. Katharine Gun enters her plea and has to be prevented from mooning for rebuttal *bell*. Ken MacBonald tries to fish where he don't have a permit no more. Lord Voldemort wins a case using dark magic, proving that Wokeism is the fourth unforgivable curse. Kenny and Alex give their contrasting verdicts to the question Alex posed in episode 1 (to the Salt Mines with her!) and we agree to all be a little more Hank Kissinger :O

Music by Trabant 33 on licence via epidemic sounds

cinemaishistory@gmail.com for queries, please don't rant at us like an unhinged old testament preacher.

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Official Secrets III: Mung Beans!

Wed, 20 Aug 2025 08:37:49 GMT

Its confession time for our heroine Katherine Gun as the last chopper heads out of Saigon and she is left behind to brawl with Ho Chi Minh. Ms Gun will face interrogation from a bald security goon, answer questions from a bald police detective before seeking help from a bald lawyer. Will she get out of this particular pickle?

*WARNING* - Episode may contain Baldism

Music by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

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Official Secrets II: The Warthog Goes Nuclear

Fri, 01 Aug 2025 06:52:45 GMT

The story of Katharine Gun, 'The Spy Who Tried to Stop a War' continues, and the submission of the 'Beijing Report' causes a stir amongst the cognoscenti. We put on our best Southern accents and contact Uncle Koza, follow Matt Smith to talk to a rear admiral, and Lord Varys goes tonto over a blog post.

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Official Secrets I: I Have No Regrets!

Thu, 03 Jul 2025 09:55:07 GMT

Welcome back! This time we're off to GCHQ during the run up to the Iraq War in 2003 as Katherine Gun decides to leak information concerning dodgy activity occurring behind the scenes. There will be legal dealings, espionage, angry newspapermen and improper use of photocopiers! Enjoy!

Music by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

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Ironclad IV: Doctor Strangelob Or "How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Embrace Being a Nugget"

Tue, 06 May 2025 12:21:15 GMT

You join us for the final episode on Ironclad and boy howdy, is it a doozy. Contains a great, insane speech from Paul Giamatti on top form, and the headline is quite frankly the championship belt of funny deaths, the one that will be the one to beat, probably for all time. Its the Usain Bolt of Funny Deaths. The Muhammad Ali. The Maradona. Its Greatness is peerless, it shall never be surpassed.

Also, some other fun stuff, including some real history towards the end, and we should probably point out here that King John did not die actually in the marshes but made his way through them while gravely ill, finally popping his tyrannical clogs at Newark Castle on October 19th 1216. So now you know that. :)

Music by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

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Ironclad III: "That's My Bakehouse!"

Wed, 23 Apr 2025 08:20:56 GMT

The siege of Rochester Castle continues as our heroes valiantly defend the fortress against King John and his savage mercenaries. Trebuchet balls smash chapel windows and siege towers are completely whitewashed from history. Winter sees raw cockroaches eaten and Baron Cornhill goes tonto! How much longer can the defenders hold?

Music by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

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Ironclad II: 'Brianclad' or 'Worse is Always To Come'

Tue, 08 Apr 2025 09:17:07 GMT

We return to Not So Merrye England where the rule of the Bad King John is in full swing, and he's as mad as a box of marzipan daffodils. A Sea Monster impedes Gareth From the Office, an Oaf is rescued from the pillory with coin, and the bars of a flea bitten, one-horse peasant town do a roaring trade, as do their working girls as a Man of Sex arrives on the scene. Speaking of Men of Sex, Brian Cox has some choice words for the King as the swinging Ds of the kingdom square off for the Rochester Castle Rocks Festival 1215 and it very quickly gets wildly out of control. Derek Jacobi is back and this times its personnel as he tutors his castellan in not just letting in any old Danes. He has a wife. She likes to booze and has her eye on Tommy Templar as the frankly shocking treatment of women in the movie ramps up to MAGA levels.

Tiberius the Dane is still around.

Music by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

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Ironclad I: Full James Naughtie

Tue, 01 Apr 2025 11:26:23 GMT

Welcome Back! We're heading to 13th century England during the time of the First Barons' War. We'll be discussing the events leading up to the war as well as the significance of Magna Carta. In addition, we'll be introduced to a range of characters from crazy King John, a Dane with a strange name and mute Templar knight who won't remain quiet for too long. There will also be a feeble old man who wonders into a castle courtyard with predictable results. Enjoy and remember, blood will run!

Music by Trabant 33 via Epidemic Sound subscription

You can email us at cinemaishistory@gmail.com

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U-571 III: Physics Takes A Holiday

Sun, 09 Mar 2025 09:38:27 GMT

In the final instalment of our death defying voyage under the sea, under the seeeea, a German destroyer is schooled in classic Hollywood fashion. Lt. Andy Tyler reveals himself to be the greatest polymathic genius who ever lived, Tank the engineer does next level engineering heroics, mastering Hallo Aus Berlin while suffering from a serious head injury. Matthew McConaughey proves himself a true submarine captain by sacrificing a plucky London road-sweeper who somehow got caught up in this whole mess to Poseidon. The boat defies physics. The writers and director defy the historical record. Kenny and Alex defy you not to sort of love the nonsense!

Music by Trabant 33 via Epidemic Sound subscription

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U-571 II: Jon Bon Jovi Gets Wiped Out

Fri, 21 Feb 2025 09:13:04 GMT

In this week's episode, we begin aboard the S-33 as they finally reach U-571 for some ship to ship intimacy. The boarding party, armed with submachine guns and pornography capture the U-Boat along with the Sea Nazis. However, another U-Boat arrives to spoil the party and wipes out most of the cast including Jon Bon Jovi. Will our remaining heroes make it out alive? Listen and find out!

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U-571 I: The Old Man and The Sea Nazi

Thu, 13 Feb 2025 13:43:43 GMT

We return, and we are diving below the waves with the fictional crew of the S-33 to undertake a mission so dangerous only a Hollywood scriptwriter could have come up with it. Alex tells us some genuinely interesting historical information about submarine warfare during the World War Two and Kenny nails a short but superb Sean Connery impersonation. Along the way we meet a Captain of few words, Lieutenant Andy Tyler who is cheesed off, Wentz from Koblenz who is definitely not a German, Seaman Eddie Carson who wants you to know he cares about egg retention, and Chief Wolf, who wants to get some salt, which may or may not be a euphemism. Dastardly Germans are discussed and humorously renamed, harsh nicknames are summarised and incompetent attempts at engineering are made, all on this week's Cinema is History.

Beware the Sea Nazis, for they are legion.

cinemaishistory@gmail.com

Music by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound.

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Emergency Podcast - Gladiator II

Thu, 23 Jan 2025 08:51:41 GMT

Strength and honour to all our listeners as we welcome back our special guest Liam to discuss Gladiator II. Expect precision arrow shots, disgruntled rhinos, questionable plotlines and Jedward. Enjoy!

Music is by Trabant 33 licensed via Epidemic Sound

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The Muppet Christmas Carol: 'The Doctor Told Me Not to Get Too Attached To You'

Mon, 23 Dec 2024 18:07:21 GMT

Season's Greetings, we hope you enjoy our Festivus Special this year. We are heading back to London in the 1840s, a grim time especially if your office is infested with rats, like Ebenezer Scrooge's is. Scrooge has a problem, and that is that his Malthusian worldview is keeping the kindness from his cold flinty Victorian heart. You'd think a man who worked with Kermit the Frog and was previously employed by Fozzie Bear would be a bit more cheerful. Michael Caine does some superb acting opposite complete and utter goons made of felt, and the effect is both electric and humbling. Muppets sing and dance and we are treated to a haunting or three, or four. There are scares, laughs, chills, thrills and invertebrate bandits galore - we're sure you all know it will turn out all right in the end, with the wicked miser mending his ways and saving a crippled child with a turkey dinner. Tis the Season!

God Bless Us, Every One (except Zoidberg)

music by Trabant 33 on licence from Epidemic Sound

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Outlaw/King IV: Itsy Bitsy Brain Damaged Spider

Mon, 16 Dec 2024 16:53:54 GMT

The end is nigh! Welcome to the last part of our Outlaw/King adventure and as always we look at the perfect way to bring a film to a conclusion, a big f**k off battle! Enjoy!

Music is by Trabant 33 licensed via Epidemic Sound

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Outlaw/King III: Crazy Old Lord MacDougall Dances With Death

Mon, 02 Dec 2024 20:16:30 GMT

Bobby Bruce is both a newly minted king and a newly outlawed... outlaw. This spells trouble ahead but at least there's a bishop approved knee trembler with Liz De Burgh (no relation as far as I know) to enjoy before things head south. The Battle of Methven proves not to be the Scots finest hour, though Jimmy Douglas puts Betsy to good use. Robert becomes a boat person and meets a wild bearded laird with murder on his mind. Florence Pugh gets banged up in a pish stained castle dungeon and things only deteriorate for her from there as bowl cut bag of anger issues Prince Edward tries to force her to sign a document. The fightback begins as the lads decide to fight like wolves and Lochmaben is retaken, then torched for a laugh. James ruins Palm Sunday church, his granny would not be happy.

DOOUGLASS!!!

Music is by Trabant 33 licensed via Epidemic Sound

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Outlaw/King II: Moses, The Cocaine Prince and the Swans

Thu, 14 Nov 2024 18:09:00 GMT

Greetings my fellow medieval peasants! And speaking of peasants, the English try to press gang some poor sods into the army who are saved by the intervention of Florence Pugh. Bruce's father holds a fireside chat with his son about a monkey in the Holy Land. Bobby B then goes to pay his taxes in Berwick-Upon-Tweed where William Wallace's hanging arm causes a disturbance.

Bruce finally decides to start a rebellion by murdering a bloke in a church and recruits an escaped lunatic from Carstairs called James Douglas.We will discuss Bobby B's coronation and the infamous "Feast of the Swans" which has to been seen to be believed.

"Buy these swans!"

Music by Trabant 33

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Outlaw/King I: The Tragic Tale of Sir William Elephant

Thu, 07 Nov 2024 23:07:07 GMT

Welcome back to the ~~madhouse~~ podcast as we prepare to get medieval on your ass once again.

Scotland, 1304. Bobby Bruce is the star as we follow the rise of the Outlaw King, a bearded maverick who plays by his own rules, with a score or two to settle. King Eddie the unhinged has got a trebuchet that's bigger than any you've seen before and he ain't going to let poor Sir William Elephant surrender before he's tested it out. Well, it serves the silly pachyderm right for waving the flag of war in his trunk!

A ferocious idiot with a pudding bowl haircut annoys everyone and Florence Pugh is given away like a prize on a game show by a bearded man in a cloth hat. The wedding of the year threatens to go off the rails as James Cosmo tries not to singe his beard. The Bishop of Booty makes his disturbing debut.

Kenny got some of the details wrong on the recording, but here is Dan Snow firing a mangonel at Caerphilly Castle into a pond. We do hope the ducks were evacuated to a safe distance before the thing was fired.

Trebuchet Siege Artillery - Battle Castle with Dan Snow

Music by Trabant 33

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The Longest Day VI: Mission Accomplished!

Thu, 24 Oct 2024 09:02:45 GMT

It is time for the conclusion! We discover who Robert Wagner was and discuss a lawsuit against Robert Mitchum. Meanwhile in Normandy, we witness the final battles of the film. The Duke finally reaches Sainte-Mère-Église on his cart and the Americans finally take Omaha Beach. The Germans do an old fashioned shred and spread while David "Ack-Ack" Campbell and Dutch "Get Ready Paris" Schultz discuss the meaning of life, war and death over the corpse of German Kojak.

The Longest Day is finally at an end....

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The Longest Day V: The Buster Keaton of D-Day

Sun, 13 Oct 2024 13:34:06 GMT

The battle continues! Join us as Major Pluskat, our favourite slapstick German, gets embroiled in yet another farrago. Pont D'Hoc is scaled by the US Army Rangers, including the 'famous' Robert Wagner. John Wayne gets pushed around the Normandy countryside in a wheelbarrow while Von Rundstedt's nitwitometer goes through the roof. French Commandos storm the Trump Ouistrehan with help from some devout sisters. And a tank, which is probably the more helpful of the two.

Music by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

Email us questions for the Christmas Q and A now.on cinemaishistory@gmail.com

Thanks for listening as ever, we love you for doing so!

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The Longest Day IV: "There are a lot of pretty peculiar blokes on this beach"

Thu, 03 Oct 2024 17:50:11 GMT

Invasion! The D-Day landings begin as a mute Omar Bradley looks on and a fat German carrying coffee offers little resistance to the initial bombardment. Pips gets angry again and Pluskat gets rather dusty. We meet a beachmaster with a glued on beard waving a stick alongside his terrified dog. Sean Connery makes an appearance as an Irishman rather than a Scotsman for not apparent reason. Enjoy!

"Its a podcast Jim, but not as we know it"

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The Longest Day III: "I Do Not Like This Puppet Onslaught One Bit."

Thu, 19 Sep 2024 18:35:25 GMT

The lead up to the Ultimate Backstairs Rammy is well underway. Pluskat Beach prepares to welcome some unusually violent holidaymakers, Puppets cause absolute mayhem and the Wehrmacht's resident expert is called in to restore order. John Wayne finally goes into battle in World War 2. Comedy Germans continue to believe the real invasion will come elsewhere and a Dracula refuses to wake Hitler, ironically the only human being in history worse than Dracula. All this week, on Cinema is History.

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The Longest Day II: Hold Until Relieved!

Fri, 06 Sep 2024 09:53:35 GMT

And we're back for episode 2. The preparations for the "Big Show" continue with John Wayne mincing around a blackboard while the Eggheads led by General Eisenhower argue about the weather. The French resistance answer the radio calls to commit domestic terrorism and we see our first battle at Pegasus Bridge led by Major John Howard receiving instructions from the Jedi Order. Meanwhile, the Germans spend the evening shouting at one another, playing cards and eating cake. So join us as the "longest day" begins!

Music is by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

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The Longest Day I: Nine Thousand Dollars Set Aside for 'Recreation'

Thu, 29 Aug 2024 12:17:03 GMT

The lads return. The secret of Field Marshall Rommel's powers is revealed. Plans are guessed at. Poems are heard and nitwits dismissed. Brave (and extremely attractive!) French resistance fighters abound. Priests talk waffle, the ordinary troops are parodied unintentionally by what can only be described as 'bloody actors'. A surprisingly large amount of money is set aside for 'leisure pursuits' once Dutch Schultz, an apparent one man party machine, reaches Paris. Expect bad accents, a spot on John Wayne, a tremendous Richard Burton and Comedy Germans aplenty as CiH starts the long journey across the channel to the beaches. Bon chance, mon amis!

Addendum: The Second World War was no laughing matter. D-Day was a serious, serious business during which thousands made the ultimate sacrifice to help set the world free from Nazi tyranny. They were all human beings however and human beings are nothing if not the thinking, laughing type. The Longest Day is a brilliant film that sits right in the sweet spot of honouring the bravest of the brave while allowing us to find black and white film drenched joy in the absurdities and contradictions of life, love and war. And do impressions of iconic movie stars. Peace.

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The Good, The Bad and The Ugly VI: Rock Beats Widow

Thu, 01 Aug 2024 08:56:38 GMT

Welcome back everyone! Apologies for the delay of the release of this episode but we can assure you that the conclusion is worth the wait. In this final part, we witness domestic terrorism on a bridge and Tuco running through a cemetery that brings back some traumatic memories for our guest. Graves are desecrated before a very famous final showdown between the Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Enjoy!

P.S. The next film we're going to look at will be The Longest Day, so keep following for those episodes to come later this month.

Music is by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

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The Good, The Bad and The Ugly V: Back In Piratical Times...

Thu, 11 Jul 2024 21:31:47 GMT

On this second to last trip to the Old West with our dear friend Ruaridh, we ask searching historical questions such as 'was this back in Cowboy Times'? We recap a very important scene while introducing a surprise guest director, and an extra with an unenviable task. Tuco and Blondie (McGarnagle) reunite following a bathtub scene that marks the return to the show of the Funny Death of the Movie Award. They move on with their quest to get filthy, stinking rich (two out of three doesn't cut it, believe me! *bell*) and in so doing encounter a tactically illiterate Union Army Captain who is as drunk as he is mad as he is obviously Italian. Five bean chilli plays a role that is, to borrow a phrase, harrowing.

Music is by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

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The Good, The Bad and The Ugly IV: Magic Sucky Wind

Thu, 04 Jul 2024 11:17:14 GMT

Welcome to Part Four of our adventure in the Old West.

Tuco and Blondie (McGarnagle) are captured by Union Soldiers and are taken to "Convict Park". This theme park proves to be a disappointing experience while it's Commandant John Hammond is very close to the grave. Tuco is taken out for dinner by Angel Eyes, but is savagely beaten after attempting a "dine and dash". Tuco and Wallace go for a train ride before the desert goblin decides to murder his captor by use of "Pointy Rock". Unable to make sense of keys, Tuco uses an entire locomotive to unlock his chains and he is again free to terrorise the local populace.

There will also be a brief review of Nicolas Cage's acting in Face/Off and The Rock, two movies we thoroughly recommend you watch.

We also review Ruaridh's very sparse and bizare notes.

Music is by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

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The Good, The Bad and The Ugly III: I Am A New Eye (Patch) Wearing

Thu, 27 Jun 2024 06:40:48 GMT

Welcome back! We resume with New Mexico's top light entertainer threatening the Wild West version of Basil Fawlty at gunpoint, and things deteriorate from there. We learn about all the different types of spurs, and Tuco attempts to murder his old buddy, in more and more unnecessarily convoluted ways. The action moves on to the point where we get to the important stuff; we meet and tragically unmeet Bill Carson in a matter of moments. Fortunately, our favourite little monster 'honours his memory' by putting on his clothes and planning to steal his treasure. Lastly, a monastic edition of Family Fortunes ends in fisticuffs. Expect boiled potatoes, sopping wet chickens and arrays of Holy Garden Gnomes as the Cinema Is History podcast saddles up for another ride through the desert. Yeehaw!

Guest is Ruaridh, whom we love.

Music is by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

Contains one instance of very strong language, censored.

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The Good, The Bad and The Ugly II: "Thank you, Sir. May I have another?"

Fri, 14 Jun 2024 07:55:42 GMT

We are back for Episode 2 with our special guest Ruaridh!

This week features another botched hanging of our favourite little desert goblin with a very long and interesting rap sheet. McGarnagle shoots more hats off before dumping Tuco in the empty desert who proceeds to the local town to terrorize a local business owner with gunplay and the improper use of signage. Finally we'll hear some questionable philosophy from Tuco who also shows us how to cook a Sunday roast in a dank cave. Bon appetit!

Music by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

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The Good, The Bad and The Ugly I: Lord Hee Haw

Thu, 23 May 2024 08:14:03 GMT

Did you think the crypt could hold us? (bell)

We're not dead, we've just been preparing something very special: our first ever Western! To make it even special-er, we have a guest. Ruaridh is a lovely chap who makes music when he's not making us laugh with his brilliant observations and clever remarks. This really was great fun to record, and we hope you all love it!

Anyway, as we make our way into the wilds of New Mexico we are met by a desert goblin with an appetite for destruction and Khavkhalash in equal parts, a killer who despite his name is really no Angel and finally a strong, silent type who figures he will try and make a little cash by bringing in our favourite angry little fella who has so far eluded justice. Along the way we are held up by a penguin at gunpoint, learn a fascinating new adjective and discuss a donkey with an unsatisfying job, but who ends up owning property, which is nice for him. Expect gunfights, hissing spiders and the power of silence as CiH returns.

Music by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

You can email us on cinemaishistory@gmail.com or message us on Instagram if you're young and with it.

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Hidden Figures IV: Bill Pullman's Theory

Thu, 18 Apr 2024 17:55:45 GMT

Welcome to the final episode of Hidden Figures which begins in the toliets at NASA. There will be some "mansplaining" and "womansplaining" while a little known theory based on a famous Hollywood actor will make waves. We pay tribute to the amazing John Glenn including his guest appearance on Fraiser (video link below). Our discussion concludes with Glenn's orbital flight and we find out what happened to our heroines later in life. Enjoy!

John Glenn on Fraiser - https://youtu.be/qVhDsxTXgPU?feature=shared

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Music is by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

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Hidden Figures III: The Dream of Man and Flightless Bird Alike

Thu, 11 Apr 2024 16:17:30 GMT

We return and its time for Alan Shephard to up tiddly up then down tiddly down like a cork being fired from a champagne bottle. Gus Grissom holds the door of his returning module tight shut with the help of an inanimate carbon rod. Spinny Henrdrix is employed and Katherine forces her formidable intellect into a top level Pentagon briefing despite there being absolutely no protocol for someone in that meeting room having boobs. Dorothy shows the men how computers work and Mary has her day in court, even though IRL she just got a letter.

John Glenn steals the show with his standup comedy act. Meanwhile, Jim Johnson wins the heart of a fair lady with the noble gift of Heinz tomato soup, and Kevin Costner solves racism with the aid of a big hammer.

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Music is by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

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Hidden Figures II: A Woman has gone into a Room

Thu, 04 Apr 2024 17:05:08 GMT

And we're back for episode 2! Evil Sheldon attempts to stare down our heroine Katherine while Al Harrison tries to source less coarse toliet paper. Jim Johnson who resembles a "tall cool glass of water" attempts to woo Katherine, but his advances prove a little lukewarm. We meet the Mercury Seven including John Glenn who is thankfully not portrayed by Glenn Howerton from It's Always Sunny. Dorothy Vaughan takes her kids to the library resulting in a thoroughly unpleasant experience while Mary Jackson asserts her constitutional right to see "fine" in everything. Enjoy!

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Hidden Figures I: "A Young Sheldon Type Genius"

Thu, 28 Mar 2024 08:02:11 GMT

We have returned - a little later than planned due to one of your co-hosts having a touch of consumption. This time, Alex guides Kenny through the world of NASA in the early 1960s a place where computations are done by the human mind and Kevin Costner stalks the halls pretending to know maths. Into this scientific maelstrom step our three main characters, Katherine Goble, formerly a maths prodigy now a single mother of three, Mary Jackson, an engineer who at times appears to be the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz and Dorothy Vaughan who can stop traffic with an Mmmm-hmmm - out to create history and, in Mary's case, risk certain death for no apparent reason. Expect racist MJ, Evil Sheldon and driving your car objectively too fast.

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Music by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound.

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All The President's Men VI: The Truth is Out There

Thu, 22 Feb 2024 18:24:22 GMT

Join us for the final episode as Woodstein and Co make one last attempt to seperate the truth from the blood sucked corpses of Washington DC. We'll find out that Kenneth Clawson has a wife and a family and a dog and a cat which amuses the eternally grumpy Ben Bradlee. There will also be a final meeting with our favourite garage freak who is desperately trying to escape from a hungry Mitchula. Will it be the end of Nixon? Find out in this last episode.

Theme Music by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound.

cinemaishistory@gmail.com for your Qs thoughts, opinions and unravellings, so long as they're fun.

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All The President's Men V: Bram Stoker's Mitchula

Thu, 15 Feb 2024 10:24:42 GMT

It's all a bit Tales From The Crypt this week as Bob and Carl continue their investigations despite the novel threat posed by a former Attorney General. We meet a Dirty Tricks Goblin and pay a visit to the Sloans' for Cocoa and Revelations. Special Guest Dick Nixon tries and fails to befriend a dog. Deep Throat makes a brief cameo as the pieces of the Jigsaw start to fall into place. Ben Bradlee is cheesed off and we wouldn't have it any other way.

Theme Music by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound.

Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D Minor is Public Domain.

cinemaishistory@gmail.com for your Qs thoughts, opinions and unravellings, so long as they're fun.

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All The President's Men IV: Shred And Spread!

Thu, 08 Feb 2024 18:05:33 GMT

Join us again as we follow Woodward and Bernstein's investigation into the Watergate affair. Our two heroes spend a lot of time in this episode visiting the homes of Washingtonians included the Bookkeeper in the dead of night. Behind these doors lurk garage freaks, Bison and a vampire with a thirst for Libber blood. So make sure your door is locked and your windows are closed because the ghost of Nixon is in the neighbourhood and he ain't moving on anytime soon.

@cinemaishistory@gmail.com for correspondence and or your malcontented ravings

Music is by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

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All The President's Men III: Surprise Witnesses, Each More Surprising Than The Last

Thu, 18 Jan 2024 19:13:05 GMT

Greetings. Alex and Kenny return to uncover the details of the Watergate case just as forensically as Woodward and Bernstein did all those years ago. Bob 'Bobby Boy' Woodward goes for a late night meeting with a very mysterious source, whom we demystify pretty darn quickly. Washington is revealed to be a city of opera going night owls and Carl 'Carl' Bernstein heads down to Florida to speak with Dardis, an investigator who is reluctant to see him and deploys a most unhelpful secretary, but CB wrongfoots with a cunning ruse in his determination to land the scoop. A phone call with a key witness is interspersed with a conversation with a tiresome man who has a surname for a first name, which is never a good sign. The trail hots up but the editors of the Post are not sufficiently impressed to think of an interesting headline, and we end with the election and the country still very much in the grasp of Tricky Dick.

Correction: We realise that Hubert Humphrey was Lyndon Johnson's VP and not Harry Truman's. Therefore the photograph Woodward and the archivist find would have been taken much more recently than 1945. Please forgive us, we blame a hectic recording schedule!

@cinemaishistory@gmail.com for correspondence and or your malcontented ravings

Music is by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

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All The President's Men II: Crazy Cubans!

Thu, 11 Jan 2024 16:41:02 GMT

Kenny, Alex and the ghost of Richard Nixon are back discussing All The President's Men. Our heroes Woodward and Bernstein continue their work uncovering what could be the greatest political earthquake off all time, or maybe its just crazy Cubans. We find out that it is possible to just phone the White House and the data protection of it's library is called into question. This week concludes with a memorable field trip to the Library of Congress and we meet Ben Bradlee (managing editor of the Washington Post) who likes to put his feet up.

Music by Trabant 33 (on licence via Epidemic Sound)

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All The President's Men I: The Ghost of Christmas Nixon

Thu, 04 Jan 2024 12:53:07 GMT

Happy New Year to you all. To celebrate, Kenny and Alex are TARDIS-ing it back in time as per. But not so far this time, as we are headed for the year 1972 and the beginnings of the Watergate affair. Bob Woodward is sent to a court house following a bungled break in to try and deduce why men carrying a ton of cash in sharp suits are trying to bug the DNC. There he meets a man who doesn't want to talk to him, and this will become a recurring theme as no one seems to want to answer our Bobbo's questions. We are joined in the studio by a very spectral guest, the phantasm of the one man who could shed a little more light on the reasons for the cover up, but who steadfastly refuses to do so, due to excessive shiftiness. He never drank a Duff in his life. (Bell)

Music by Trabant 33 (on licence via Epidemic Sound)

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A Time for Sharing- Christmas Q&A 2023

Wed, 27 Dec 2023 13:03:08 GMT

Merry Christmas to all. Happy Holidays if that's your bag. We are here with an hour long Q&A of all the questions you wonderful lot ever wanted to ask, but were too intimidated by our celebrity and the power we wield as podcast megastars to do so. We reveal (among other things) our dream guest(s), who really shot JFK and issue an apology to the actor David Bamber. Fantasy Historical Dinner Parties are discussed, with the lads choosing rather different approaches to the art of hosting. Of course, Alex's Funny Death of the Year winner is top of the bill.

cinemaishistory@gmail.com for enquiries

music is by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

Snow is falling, all around us, children playing, having fun. Tis the season for love and understanding. Merry Christmas, Everyone.

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Emergency Podcast - Napoleon

Thu, 21 Dec 2023 15:23:15 GMT

Welcome to our emergency podcast on Ridley Scott's epic, Napoleon. We'll give you our thoughts on how good it was and what could be done better in the inevitable final cut to be released in 20 years. There will be discusssion over the historical accuracy and what important event's in Nappy B's life were overlooked. We'll also dicuss mummies, Robespierre's jaw and what happened when Old Bony paid a visit to the Alhambra Bar on Leith Walk. Enjoy!

P.S. There will also be a guest appearance at the end which acts as a clue for our first film of 2024.

Music is by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

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The Patriot VI: "Damm That Man!"

Thu, 14 Dec 2023 18:10:34 GMT

In our last episode discussing The Patriot we'll examine the final and unnamed battle between the British and the Continentals. Lord Cornwallis and our favourite Charles O'Hara are having the time of their life while some in the Continental camp are dressed more for an evening at a fancy French restaurant than battle. There is a final showdown between Benjamin Martin and Tavington with plenty of "Patriotism" sprinkled everywhere.

We'll discuss the aftermath of an ever peaceful and harmonious United States and its time to review the funny death of the film.

Music is by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

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The Patriot V: The Ballad of Ratman John

Thu, 07 Dec 2023 10:38:31 GMT

The penultimate episode of our Patriot adventure sees World's Maddest Villain Oscar winner Jason Isaacs as Colonel Tavington get medieval on all our asses to an extent he simply hadn't before. Families are targeted and stuff gets even more personal for Benjamin Martin. A Billings' family tragedy sees John take a fateful step. Ambushes in Ambush County continue to rise day by day. There is time for a bit of light amongst the shade as a beautiful wedding takes place among an unconventional setting and a beach party yields yet more romance. However, things get pretty jarring pretty quick as Tavington does something that is despicable even for him, a choice we feel the filmmakers ought to regret, but will have to live with. We finish on the eve of the final battle, and what a glorious spectacle (maybe) it shall be!

Bee Bop bop bodda bo, bop bop bodda bo, bee bop bop bodda bo. I'm a Ratman.

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The Patriot IV: The Penalty of the Sack

Thu, 30 Nov 2023 09:02:22 GMT

This episode begins with a visit to the unnamed village (for tax purposes!) we have called Williamsburg where Gabriel attempts to take his relationship with Anne to the next stage. Unfortunately this involves being sewn into a sack while our favourite oddball of a father looks on. Later, an ambush will be ambushed by another ambush in Ambush County. The colonial militia captured will be freed in a daring and unbelievable rescue plan. General O'Hara has another great line and embarrasses Cornwallis. We'll conclude with a raid on Aunt Charlotte's estate where Colonel Tavington commits more war crimes.

Music is by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

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The Patriot III: A Sad Lack of Prima Naughty

Thu, 23 Nov 2023 08:22:55 GMT

The American War of Independence grinds on entering a new phase dominated by a figure known as 'The Ghost' - or should that be 'The Swamp King'? Benjamin and Gabriel recruit a ragtag band of maniacs and ne'er do wells to fall before Colonel Tavington's sabre, and the Reverend, though clearly unsuited to a life of deprivation and danger, is coming too. Cornwallis and pod favourite General Charles O'Hara discuss imposing land grabs, and Mel Gibson turns dognapper as several important items being shipped to the great general are intercepted including two Great Danes, who narrowly escape being eaten. We meet Rawlins, a terrifying monster, Billings, the unfortunate offspring of a tryst between a bearded lady and Master Splinter. Arkham, the only known slave in America is also part of the team. We end with a spectacular act of guerilla warfare, perpetrated by an early version of The Expendables.

Music is by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

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The Patriot II: Mel G Goes on a Rampage

Thu, 09 Nov 2023 15:05:26 GMT

And we're back in South Carolina for more action. First of all, the late Robert "Bobby" Lee gives us his thoughts on the film's historical accuracy before we head to Benjamin Martin's hoose. There the biggest bastard we have ever encountered on the podcast in the shape of Colonel Tavington is introduced. Keen to get maximum points on the atrocity meter, he gets to work murdering, hanging, burning and enslaving.

Tavington's behaviour is so bad, it results in Benjamin going completely tonto and as the title suggests, it's tremendous fun! Later we'll visit Aunt Charlotte's plantation which absolutely does not have slaves working on it. We conclude with a pitched battle and see an early contender for funny death of the film.

In addition, General Charles O'Hara makes his introduction alongside Lord Cornwallis in a double act that will provide much entertainment!

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music by Trabant 33, on licence via Epidemic Sound

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The Patriot I: 'Its Never Really Explained'

Thu, 02 Nov 2023 18:09:17 GMT

We return with another belter, this time its 2000 (formerly known as 'the year 2000') Roland Emmerich and Mel Gibson collaboration, the bizarrely entertaining and gratuitously bloody Anglophobia-athon, 'The Patriot'. We begin by acknowledging that this is our 50th episode, a milestone we mark in no particular way. The movie starts and the mail is the focus of much attention, although Benjamin Martin (Oor Mel) is more focused on building a crap rocking chair. Its fun for the whole family as the action moves to a raucous Charlestown where a small man in more ways than one is giving an uninspiring speech, and nutters are burning effigies of the king. The Continental Congress receives guidance from a motivational speaker, and after a bit, war were declared. Benjamin's son, Mel Junior, played by Heath Ledger, wants to be a hero but when he gets a taste of battle finds it isn't quite what he hoped for. The fighting comes home to the Martins' just as Mel predicted, if only the 3000 tyrants had been further away! Important details are brushed over, intriguing backstories are handwaved, and character development remains a foreign country - remember, whatever happens, Its Never Really Explained.

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music by Trabant 33, on licence via Epidemic Sound

***50th Episode Spectacular - You Begged Us To Stop, We Didn't Listen!***

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Zulu IV: A Singstar Competition With Added Bloodshed

Thu, 12 Oct 2023 11:12:20 GMT

We mark our targets for the final time as the battle continues into the morning of January 23rd with DJ Chard directing the all night rave. The Zulus keep coming even as Thomas mourns the passing of the poor wee calf. Stanley Baker channels Clark Gable by not giving a damn and Bromhead continues to be a posh boy, though he seems to have learned a little perspective. The final battle represents a victory for hard headed technocratic bravery over reckless courage, and is remarkable for its poignancy and brilliant score. Britian wins the battle but loses the song contest, as the Zulus were awarded twelve points by all the other nations we once invaded. Ardendorff, as always, talks utter bilge.

Richard Burton is over credited, fellow braves are saluted and Alex's Funny Death of the Week is decided on this week's episode.

Music by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

cinemaishistory@gmail.com for questions, requests, insights, anything you fancy so long as its civil.

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Zulu III: "You're all going to die!" - Reverend Witt

Thu, 05 Oct 2023 08:53:59 GMT

This week, the Zulus finally arrive at Rorke's Drift and the battle commences. However, a drunken Mr Witt continues to cause problems for the defenders before he finally has his precious bottle removed and is sent on his way, although he does make one last attempt to motivate the troops.

Meanwhile the attacking Zulus play a counting game and one of them has an incident with a tree. Will the defenders of Rorke's Drift hold on? Find out on this week's episode of Cinema is History.

You can talk to us on cinemaishistory@gmail.com

Music is by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

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Zulu II: Seeking the Company of a Mr John Barleycorn

Tue, 19 Sep 2023 13:40:32 GMT

Scouts report podcasts on the Internet; thousands of em.

However, only one where you'll find the 1964 classic Zulu critiqued with a specificity and attention to detail that some observers have branded 'unnecessary.'

We pick up where we left off as Owen, the company baritone, is transfixed by some cutting edge technology, an inexplicably woke Boer, complete with 60s values arrives to bring some bad news and also gets out his Gary Neville style tactics board. The Witts return and the tension builds as plans are hatched, help is sought and boils are lanced by a surgeon who perhaps enjoys his work a little too much. Mr Witt finds his help is not wanted and his attempts to win the garrison over with a poetry slam cuts little ice. The reverend therefore seeks solace in liquor; no wonder they call it the 'good book.'

"The wagons will be here soon, to take you away." Greta Thunberg, 1879.

You can talk to us on cinemaishistory@gmail.com

Music is by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

(This week's episode is out a couple of days early as Kenny will be away on holiday for a while, however episodes 3 and 4 should hopefully still be with you on the normal dates!)

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Zulu I: Come on and Zulu Safari with me!

Thu, 14 Sep 2023 11:19:51 GMT

Welcome back! Join Kenny and Alex as they go on safari in Southeast Africa to dissect the 1964 classic, Zulu! As your guides, before we set off, we'll give you the lowdown on the Anglo-Zulu War of 1879 and answer the important question, does spear beat gun?

Our first stop will be to a big fat wedding with spiked punch and some very square guests. This will be interrupted by news of a mass brawl at Isandlwana between British holidaymakers (no surprise there!) and some fed up locals. This combined with the readily available booze will prove too much for some.

Another stop sees us visit a collection of eco-pods where a good fellow called Chard will show us how to construct a pontoon bridge. During this leg of the journey, you are advised to keep your heads down as another chap will fire off a rifle every now and again.

Expect flaming captions, disco tension and panic at a cinema in Hartlepool.

Music is by Trabant 33 (On licence via Epidemic Sound)

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Emergency Podcast - Oppenheimer

Thu, 31 Aug 2023 11:15:30 GMT

Hold on to your hats (preferably a natty porkpie of the 1940s type) as we go diving head first into Christopher Nolan's latest historical blockbuster, which we've both seen and thoroughly enjoyed. We discuss not only the movie but also the historical reality of Oppenheimer's life and work (the two broadly align in a manner that Randall Wallace would be appalled by). We also talk a bit about the subject of the atom bomb, its horrible little big brother, the hydrogen bomb, the horror of Hiroshima and Nagasaki (but also the case for Truman acting as he did), crises whence the world stood on the brink, the stark choices facing leaders and the terrible realities of life in the Cold War era and beyond. Don't worry, there are also jokes; Kenny supposes what it would have been like if David Baddiel had been allowed to cast the lead role, Alex attempts a woeful JFK impression (it is hard tbf), Nixon shows up to plan a very deadly Watergate in an alternative timeline. Classic cameos abound as stellar performances are turned in by Tommy Shelby, Iron Man, Florence Pugh, Newco Mary Poppins, Jason Bourne, the inimitable Gary Oldman, the fantastic Tom Conti and many others. The horrors of endless bureaucracy are also contemplated.

Something we don't mention in the podcast but probably should have; the land at Los Alamos had until 1942 been settled by homesteaders, most of whom were of Native and Hispanic descent and many of whom did not speak English. These people were dealt with unfairly, often 'selling' their property without full knowledge and without legal representation. In 2004, a $10million fund was set up to compensate the descendants of these homesteaders, following lengthy legal action. Left without a livelihood in the short term, many took jobs working at Los Alamos and were discriminated against. (Source: Atomic Heritage Foundation: 'Civilian Displacement: Los Alamos, NM' published Wednesday July 26, 2017)

Music is used on licence via Epidemic Sound.

You can email us with thoughts and suggestions for movies, or any questions you might like to ask, on: cinemaishistory@gmail.com

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Gladiator VI: The Wrath of Geese

Thu, 24 Aug 2023 07:58:11 GMT

Join Kenny, Liam and Alex for the final act of Gladiator. I think you all know how this pans out, so just sit back and enjoy our ramblings once again but this time with extra honks!

Expect sedan chairs, Saturday night coups, unnecessary romances, Coronation Street omnibus and a goose.

Music is by Trabant 33 (On licence via Epidemic Sound)

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Gladiator V: Ersatz Arnie

Mon, 14 Aug 2023 09:25:48 GMT

Alex and Kenny and of course, Liam, who has returned to a studio resembling the set of an episode of Frasier (except where Niles has been taken captive), go long into the 2000 epic Gladiator. Russell Crowe decides some tigers aren't ferocious enough, Ollie Reed makes a movie with Saddam Hussein (genuinely) and we ponder whether Derek Jacobi was in Dr Zhivago (he was not.) Our favourite announcer returns briefly, an epic fight ensues starring a Frenchman, played by a Dane with a German accent. Commodus behaves badly as per. We discuss family mottos, the origin of the phrase 'bread and circuses' and finish on a terrible joke about Highland Coos. Things get a little blue at times so be warned (wine was consumed with dinner).

Music is by Trabant 33 (On licence via Epidemic Sound)

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Gladiator IV: May the Odds Never Be in Your Favour

Mon, 07 Aug 2023 16:29:47 GMT

With Liam still shackled to the chair, we're now on part 4 of our Great Roman Railway journey. Maximus competing under the name "Spaniard" is making quick work of his opponents while endangering the local bigwigs (more interesting wigs to follow later). The ever stable Proximo while feeding his pet Hyena called Ed informs his prize stallion that they're all off to Rome for a testimonial match which presents Maximus with an opportunity to get even with that b**tard Commodus.

Commodus prepares for the games by looming over a small boy and then making a pass at his sister. Meanwhile at the Colosseum the most stressed man in Rome is Cassius who in his position of Games Manager is applying the the final touches by making sure he's got the right wig and set of eyebrows for the occasion. The first and clearly rigged battle is spectacular and showcases Alex's funny death of the week and finishes with a great reveal causing creepy Commodus's jaw to hit the sand.

Expect a double sworded decapitation, bigwigs with wigs and rousing speeches.

Music by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound.

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Gladiator III - Proximo's Got Talent

Thu, 20 Jul 2023 08:35:18 GMT

Liam joins Kenny and Alex once again as we continue to dive through the weird and wonderful world of a Roman Empire under new management. Maximus gets Pinocchioed away from the still smouldering crater that was once his family farm, with Omid Djallili playing the role of Honest John. This unpleasant man sells Maximus and Juba (our new pal) to an even bigger lunatic, and the adventure quickly spirals out of control from there. We finally get into the mix with some live gladiator fights. Oliver Reed seems not to have grasped basic giraffe biology, though he has very definitely grasped something else. The lads enroll in Gladiator School, (a sort of less posh Gordonstoun) and fight it out on the new series of Proximo's Got Talent, where the only talents worth having are psychosis, and the ability to know whether thumbs up means kill the bloke or not. Chained together, Maximus and Juba embark on a life or death struggle, and their new mate Hagen kills an idiot. Expect unrealistic cheering, giraffe non sex and helicopter gun fights in this weeks episode.

Music by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound.

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Gladiator II - Dial P for Patricide

Thu, 13 Jul 2023 18:45:56 GMT

Welcome back to the second episode of our Gladiator discussion despite still not featuring a single Gladiator yet!

This week, Marcus Aurelius figures out the best way to break bad news to Commodus. Unfortunately the reconciliation hug is a little tighter and a lot more fatal than he hopes. Commodus risks incurring the "Penalty of the Sack" and crowns himself Emperor incurring Maximus's suspicions. We meet an Irish butler played by a Scotsman. Maximus after escaping a botched execution, heads for Benidorm to hang out with the gammon before heading home. Unfortunately Casa de Maximus has seen better days and the family aren't much better. What will he do next?

Expect wood, nitwits, donkey brains and Barbara Windsor.

Music by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

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Gladiator I - Special Effects by Henry Kissinger

Thu, 29 Jun 2023 05:52:30 GMT

We're back and we've brought a friend!

Alex and Kenny are thrilled to be joined by the very lovely and extremely funny Liam, our first guest who isn't Kenny doing a Yorkshire accent or an impression of a half forgotten celebrity.

Welcoming back friend of the show Russell Crowe as Maximus, a man with a plan and a pleasingly gruff demeanour, we weave our way through the tangled world of Ridley Scott's 2000 epic 'Gladiator' taking in male nudity, cheap innuendo, and barbarian chiefs living their best life. A terrifyingly modern looking battle is fought between the Romans and the Germans and spectated on by a clearly distressed Professor Dumbledore, who is gaming the benefits system, and also never far from the bookies. An imperial dork arrives too late for the battle but not too late to get inexplicably shirtless in the Austrian winter. The Emperor Marcus Aurelius is having trouble remaining stoical about his legacy. We discuss some historical facts, some questionable inventions, and share some funny anecdotes.

There is a dog!

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Music by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

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Robin Hood - Prince of Thieves VI - Shut Up, You Twit!

Tue, 30 May 2023 08:59:55 GMT

The Sherwood Forest Odyssey ramps to its conclusion. Robin and his Merry Men (plus a token Merry Woman) get to work on an Ocean's Eleven style caper that will leave you gasping but ultimately satisfied. The funny deaths come thick and fast as Alex finally commits to his selection for the week - and what a death it is!

Friar Tuck uses some choice language and Bull tries his hand as the Q-Shaman as a January 6th style insurrection ensues. An early returnee from Baron Con gets the business and the Bishop of Hereford points out the obvious. Robin and Azeem would do anything for love (sorry, is that the right song you're referencing there, Kenny?) including getting fired over a city wall by a catapult. The Sherriff's loyal witch Mortianna goes completely tonto. The wedding of the year turns into frankly obscene spectacle as Nottingham fails to recognise that dragging a woman screaming to the altar could make him look like the bad guy. Alan Rickman steals the show, as expected. Once everything is resolved and the happy couple are ready to live happily ever after, in waltzes Sean Connery to make some choice comments about the guest list.

Get ready for heroic rescues, exploding churchmen and an upset on Gillette Hanging Saturday as the Prince of Thieves adventure comes to a close.

Music by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound.

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Robin Hood - Prince of Thieves V: Blessed are the Smoke Pumpers

Mon, 22 May 2023 08:03:03 GMT

The adventure continues with a rumble in the jungle as Robin Hood's camp is attacked loutish Celts on a stag weekend while the Sheriff's soldiers eventually catch up after being lead astray multiple times by old Duncan. The smoke pumpers from Mortianna's lair find new employment in Sherwood Forest after resigning themselves to their lifelong employment.

The Sheriff threats children in his attempt to woo Marian and engages in some upside down torture on Will Scarlett. Gillette Hanging Saturday returns with a swing and an inexplicable bombshell is dropped.

"Lord Almighty, feel my temperature rising, higher, higher, it's burning up this tree"

Music by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound.

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Robin Hood - Prince of Thieves IV: Friar Tuck Has Entered The Game

Thu, 27 Apr 2023 08:55:54 GMT

The Cinema is History Podcast takes Holy Orders at the bar as Friar Tuck enters the wacky world of Sherwood Forest utterly soaked in booze. The good friar roasts Medieval Raab impersonator Guy of Gisborne, boots Kevin Costner in the face and goes all Peter Pettigrew as he transfigures into a maniacal rat. Robin Hood assumes weirdly that because he's poor and wearing a cassock that he's a good man, a conclusion for which evidence is pretty thin on the ground.

Later that day at Nottingham Castle the Sheriff commits a murder that is basically understandable, although not with a spoon. Marian and Sarah more than hold their own against dimwitted Lovejoy and his gormless mate. After a small amount of what we all came here to see (hardcore nudity) its a party at the Ewok camp as Robin shows off to his fancy woman. Wetherspoon's patron of the month Friar Tuck does a bit of 12th century racism, and Azeem delivers a human baby despite only knowing equine medicine. Marian sends her lady-butler Sarah on a dangerous mission at which she immediately fails. For her treachery, Marian is abducted and poor blind Duncan leads the baddies right to the groovy gang's doorstep.

Expect mad churchmen, daggers drawn and near misses on the archery range in this week's episode.

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Robin Hood - Prince of Thieves III: The Spoon is Mightier than the Sword

Thu, 20 Apr 2023 08:32:59 GMT

Join us again for another adventure with Robin Hood. With everyone away at Baron-Con in Slough, the Sheriff of Nottingham continues to cause trouble across the land. A fat, bald and duplicitous bishop is confronted by Robin over his actions and the Sheriff issues a spoon based threat.

Enraged, the Sheriff burns a few villages in revenge upsetting some oddly named peasants. Luckily they find refuge at an Ewok camp where Robin and his criminal buddies can launch ambushes against the Galactic Empire. We'll meet a scribe who resembles some mould on your bathroom ceiling and the Sheriff cancels Christmas.

A free bucket of kitchen scraps with every download!

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Robin Hood - Prince of Thieves II: The Inner Workings of Evil PLC

Thu, 13 Apr 2023 08:02:44 GMT

Welcome back once again to the Cinema is History podcast's journey through the weird and wonderful world of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, we begin with the Sherriff of Nottingham being evil and Robin Hood discovering his dead father's corpse being guarded by a half deranged blind man.We discuss the crusades a little bit focusing on the idiotic Peter the Hermit, who got what was coming to him. We meet Mortianna, the 'Sheriff's witch' and analyse her questionable choice of living arrangements. We discuss the inner working of Evil plc and wonder what exactly the insane old witch who has in her one hundred years of life failed to learn how to poach an egg and desperately needs a nail trim is bringing to the table.

We meet 'Lady Marian', who is as homely as a mule and twice as stupid (bell). In turns out that this is not actually Marian, who is of course a stunner but unfortunately displays signs of the woke mind virus, failing to acknowledge Robin Hood as a tremendous bloke and kicking him in the knackers instead. Gisborne chases our brave boys to the edge of Sherwood Forest, but doesn't go in after them since his men believe (for the moment) that the ghosts and ghouls will get them.

Not long after, Robin and Azeem are accosted by a merry band of outlaws, and our hero decides to go for a swim with a hairy man who insists of walloping him with a big stick. After beating each other senseless and nearly drowning for a bit, John Little and Robin decide to join forces. Will Scarlet behaves like a selfish ass, and this will become a thing.

"Robin Hood and Little John running through the forest, jumping fences, dodging arrows tryna get away

Contemplating nothin' but escapin finally makin' it, ooda lally ooda lally golly what a day."

email us with your ideas and funny rants cinemaishistory@gmail.com

Music is Tyroler Festival by Trabant 33, on licence via Epidemic Sound.

Contains one instance of very strong language.

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Robin Hood - Prince of Thieves I: Dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock!

Thu, 06 Apr 2023 16:37:41 GMT

This time on the Cinema is History podcast, we delve into the exciting world of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. We begin not in Sherwood Forest, but in a horrifying episode of Porridge set in Jerusalem that was never aired. Our hero Robin and his companion Azeem break free of the daily hand chopping to escape back to good old pre-brexit Blighty.

Meanwhile, Lord Loxley who hasn't being paying his membership fees is accosted by the treasurers of the Nottinghamshire Cricket Club with deadly results. Finally, our heroes rescue a small roguish boy who is being pursued by the worst man in England, Guy of Gisborne.

Expect Tapestry chat, wrong dates, unnecessary surgery, questionable tactics and Latvian Orthodox hats.

"The warden threw a party in the Jerusalem jail

the Crusaders was there and they began to scream

the Saracens were jumping and the joint began to swing

you should've heard those handless jailbirds sing"

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El Cid VI: El Cid, Frae Vallodolid, Is Deid.

Thu, 16 Mar 2023 10:14:17 GMT

Warhorse for sale.

The final part of the El Cid journey sees the palace complex at Valencia disinfected out of sheer necessity. Poor tactics are employed once again as beach warfare prevails. The climactic battle takes place and one extra is employed to bang a gong to let everyone know its a Donnybrook and a half. El Cid is kicking Almoravid booty until he cops what Tayside Police suspect was a poisioned arrow in the shoulder. Through her tears, Ximena is called on to lie to her kids and execute the least convincing deception by a woman pre Theranos. 'Rodrigo' leads his men to glory one final time, though he seems rather stiff and somewhat uncommunicative. Ben Yusuf dies perhaps the least impressive death of any villain in the CiH canon to date.

Music is by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound.

Buy us a coffee if you enjoy the pod, or even if you don't.

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El Cid V: Eyes Wide Al-Qadir

Thu, 09 Mar 2023 15:18:58 GMT

Welcome back to the penultimate episode as we edge towards the end like a lumbering siege tower. Defeat at Sagrajas prompts a bonkers plan from Alfonso to imprison Ximena in a dungeon which gives her some much needed respite from the convent. Ordonez tries it on and Ximena threatens to kill her children as plot holes start appearing fast.

We'll discuss the spectacular assault on Valencia featuring horrific weapons like battering rams and stale sourdough boules. Al-Qadir continues to debauch right up until his grisly end while Rodrigo emerges triumphant with a shiny new crown. Meanwhile at Burgos, austerity has started to bite as the trumpeters have been let go and King Alfonso cuts a lonely figure.

And you thought the only interesting thing about Valencia were the oranges.

"I apologise for nothing!" - Al-Qadir

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El Cid IV: Wrestlemania Comes to Sagrajas

Thu, 02 Mar 2023 08:20:10 GMT

Our deep dive into the world of Spanish medieval war and politics continues. Ximena is drawing a nice little picture until she's disturbed by a fuming Urraca-ca-ca-ca. Rodrigo forces King Alfonso to swear that he didn't kill his brother, causing a rift at the top of the nation. El Cid has to peg it into exile but not before he meets a friend of the show. A show of support leaves a newly in love Rodrigo and Ximena with a difficult choice. Rodrigo is given a surprise recall by the boss only to find his tactical expertise shunned. Expect Revenge Fantasies, Thirsty Lepers and Larry David style fake heart attacks in our brand new episode.

Music is by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

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El Cid III: This is a Pause, Not the End

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 10:03:35 GMT

Welcome back everyone! The Iberian adventure continues on Cinema is History as we begin with Ximena being dumped at a convent while King Ferdinand has kicked his bucket hat. We'll witness a stabby fight between Sancho and Alfonso which resonates with William and Harry today. Alfonso is then sentenced to ex-footballer Bobby Zamora's dungeon before being rescued by El Cid.

Meanwhile in Valencia, Hedonismbot (Al-Kadir) is hosting his daily orgy before being interrupted by Ben Yussuf who reveals his entire master plan. Urraca plots while Alfonso hides and Sancho takes a deadly perambulation around the walls of Calahorra.

Expect upended schedules, treacherous slugs and skewered assassins. Stay primed!

Finally, courtsey of a friend of the show, we welcome a special guest who would have loved to have partied with Nixon and Al-Kadir.

Music is Tyroler Festival by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

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El Cid II: Yet Another Fancy Hat Day Ruined

Thu, 09 Feb 2023 07:24:02 GMT

Hola. La segunda parte de nuestro espectacular El Cid está aquí.

Kenny and Alex consider the passing of Ximena's father Count Gomez who is now a stiff. Bereft of life he rests in peace, tragically murdered before he could get to the buffet. Ximena herself perfects the art of looking p*ssed off, but her da's recent demise at the hands of her lover can't help but cast a pall over Fancy Hat Day at the Court of King Ferdinand. The King of Aragon meanwhile arrives to Squash the Beef and lays down a challenge that El Cid accepts on behalf of the Heid Gadgie of Castile. Things hot up as Charlton Heston miraculously keeps his cool despite being run over by a horse. El Cid escapes charges of treason by killing in cold blood Don Martin: medieval Spain's equivalent of 21st century grill entrepreneur George Forman. Thwarted, Ximena hatches a sequel to her first plan to murder Rodrigo because god damn, everything she does must be dramatic turned up to 11. El Cid's bro rides to the rescue. Ultimately, the wedding of the year cannot be put off any longer.

Expect sulky pouts, confusing ambushes and impractical headgear in this week's edition of Cinema is History; the only podcast on the internet to bring you the truth about Hedonism Bot's role in the political intrigues of 11th century Spain.

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El Cid I: Duel of Fat

Thu, 02 Feb 2023 08:39:17 GMT

Hola! Buenos dias amigos! Bienvenidos a la historia de El Cid!

We journey back to 11th century Spain to examine the exploits of Rodrigo Diaz de Vivar. It all kicks off at a North African yoga retreat with a very hostile and "unwoke" supply teacher. A village is burned by flamboyantly dressed arsonists who are soon taken prisoner. An angry rabble of wedding guests and a badly dubbed man demand justice. Trumpets keep everyone awake at the Castle of Burgos and glove slaps echos around the walls. Finally, our hero will duel with a wheezing King's Champion who is enraged that his nightly nacho eating ritual has been interrupted.

Viva la fiesta!!!

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Lawrence of Arabia VII: What Need of Telephones?

Thu, 19 Jan 2023 08:42:45 GMT

The final part of the Lawrence of Arabia Odyssey is here. Allenby chairs a meeting for which an agenda should have been drawn up. Lawrence is thwarted in his attempts to resign. 'All that Sweet Sweet Green' is promised as Larry joins the Cash Money Millionaires Collective then promptly goes off his head. Charlie is up for pounding them, Camels transform into Scotsmen and revenge is in the air as a column of Turkish soldiers is routed as Standard Procedure gets taken arguably too far. The literal road to Damascus ends with Lawrence using a revolver to keep order while a disparate bunch of nomads try their hand at administrating a modern city with occasionally hilarious and predictably tragic consequences. Allenby works out a new way to relate to his fish. Big Billy Bum Scud wants to know if he can count on your vote. Auda resolves to return to the desert, presumably to do villainy. We all probably should have stayed in Tunbridge Wells.

"One of the machines is on fire."

Please send thoughts and suggestions, feedback etc. to cinemaishistory@gmail.com

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Lawrence of Arabia VI: The Persistence of Debauchery

Thu, 12 Jan 2023 16:05:34 GMT

All aboard for Episode 6 of Lawrence of Arabia. This time around the journey is interrupted by a bizzare mail related incident. Once normal sanity is restored, we stop in the town of Deraa for an unforgettable visit. After an unimpressive Gene Kelly impersonation, Lawrence is arrested along with several other tasty treats and taken to see a Turkish officer resembling Salvador Dali. What happens next cannot be written so you'll have to listen to find out unless you are a salty vicar, in which case this is not for you. Once given the boot out of Deraa, Lawrence has had enough and heads back to Jerusalem to open a newly built sqaush court.

We also bring you a message from one of our sponsors, although we haven't been able to get in touch with them for a while.....

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Lawrence of Arabia V: What Happens On Tour, Stays On Tour

Thu, 05 Jan 2023 09:31:18 GMT

Its Episode 5 of our Lawrence of Arabia series. This week, we discuss intermissions and how nice they are, do a short musical critique then join a meeting between a grotty little man and a prince who's dander is well and truly up. A derailment is followed by a massacre, which at least gives Arabia's equivalent of Abellio a legitimate excuse for being late. Aurens takes a stroll that is fraught with danger. Auda wishes to conceal his criminal activities. Colonel Brighton bravely risks the ire of the Botty Thrashmaster and then the craziest man ever to steal a trainload of horses. Sharif Ali moves into politics. Lawrence praises the trash pickup in the desert area. Egos swell, plots are hatched, armoured cars are driven in pleasing zigzag patterns.

We saw a cat!

Happy New Year to all our listeners, we hope you've had a great start to 2023.

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Lawrence of Arabia IV: Get Turkxit Done!

Thu, 29 Dec 2022 10:52:33 GMT

In our last episode of 2022, we follow Lawrence across the Sinai with news of a change of management at Aqaba Resorts. Along the way, he encounters Sarlacc pits, foghorns and a whopper of a canal.

Once in Cairo, he disrupts another snooker game earning him a lifetime ban from the Crucible Theatre and hits the Officers' bar for a lemonade or two. We'll meet Allenby, another British general with an enormous moustache and an officer who thinks everything is just bloody marvelous. In the courtyard, Lawrence and Allenby go over a monthly shopping list while its feeding time for the fish.

We'll also discuss "R2D4", a much anticipated Camel Cut and a populist slogan that you may recognise.

Music is by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

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Lawrence of Arabia III: Firing Wildly into The Air

Thu, 22 Dec 2022 09:48:37 GMT

On our final outing before Santa Claus arrives, the Cinema is History team travel with TE and his sidekick MC Bumslap into uncharted territory. Lawrence gets some new duds to enjoy and his camel riding is coming on in leaps and bounds, however it isn't long before a benevolent crackpot interrupts this easygoing harmony. Supper is taken in surroundings redolent of a Trump rally; all Larry of Arabia's persuasive techniques are needed to get this madman onside. Treasure is discussed, cash is pooh-poohed, and all roads lead eventually to Aqaba where Standard Procedure is sure to be followed.

Expect ironic twists of fate, brutal executions, tales of gadgies harassing your intrepid presenters, and hirsute guest hosts seizing the podcast helm.

cinemaishistory@gmail.com

Please write to us. You said you'd write to your grandma.

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Lawrence of Arabia II: The Desert Strikes Back

Thu, 15 Dec 2022 09:36:28 GMT

The desert odyssey continues as we follow Lawrence to the encampment of Prince Feisal who is optimistically battling a figher plane with a sword. A plan is hatched to traverse a desert evener hotter than the last to surprise the Turks although it hinges on the cooperation of an acutal nutter.

We'll discuss a highly anticipated doozy and meet a couple of overly servile young ragamuffins. We'll also explore Sherif Ali's determination to whip every living thing he encounters which leads to a controversial incident with Queen Mary at the 1913 Grand National.

Expect dodgy tans, anvils, slimline G&Ts and much more in this week's episode.

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Lawrence of Arabia I: Cairo! Awestruck Squeaking

Thu, 08 Dec 2022 10:48:43 GMT

Welcome back!

After two weeks wandering in the podcasting desert, Kenny and Alex return with a sojourn across the sands of Hejaz as we break down Sir David Lean's 1962 epic like you've never seen or heard it done before. We accompany Lieutenant T.E. Lawrence on the first of what will likely prove to be many camel related capers including his inconveniently premature death, run ins with smack talking vicars and indignant men in bowler hats, a brief stop in Rowley Birkin's favoured holiday destination and a meeting with a very grumpy man who likes to shoot the breeze and people as well.

Expect Claude Rains, celebrity guests and a man who might be General Melchett but isn't.

Howl your transient viewpoints into an indifferent void here:

cinemaishistory@gmail.com

Music is by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

Guest appearance is not actually named guest, rather the host's impersonation.

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Last of the Mohicans III: And Introducing Sheila Adams Barnhill as 'Humming Woman'

Thu, 17 Nov 2022 08:29:49 GMT

The final part of our delve into the history of the American frontier brings us face to face with a terrifying ambush, a natural phenomenon known as the 'waterfall' and a Huron chief whom the leprechaun evidently told to burn things. Sad but heroic endings abound, Captain Cabbage is lost in the melee and rich and tasty courage is consumed with chips and gravy. We discover that James Fennimore Cooper lied his 19th century ass off and are charmed by an unexpected cameo. Cora and Nathaniel face an uncertain future, but together.

cinemaishistory@gmail.com

Interact or Perish!

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The Last of The Mohicans II: There Will be Soiled Wigs

Thu, 10 Nov 2022 08:38:34 GMT

Welcome back to the American Frontier where our heros encounter deceased settlers who were certainly not buried by the Yeti and Hawkeye begins a cosmic ballet in an attempt to woo Cora. We'll finally reach Butlin's first North American resort at Fort William Henry and it's proprietor, Colonel Munro. However, French holidaymakers waving out of date coupons spoil the groovy gang's Saturday night disco forcing the camp's premature closure.

Expect high thresholds of evidence, a cabbage and plenty of soiled wigs as we continue the adventure on this week's episode of Cinema is History.

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The Last of The Mohicans I: A Disquieting Shortage of Mohicans

Thu, 27 Oct 2022 09:07:34 GMT

Welcome back. This time Kenny and Alex are off on a perilous journey through the North American wilderness. We meet trackers, warriors, overconfident recruiting officers and a Major whose policy is to teach the whole world the value of a good forward defensive stroke. Damsels desperately seeking distress enchant the locals with their mysterious allure. An obvious villain reveals himself to be... an obvious villain.

Music is Tyroler Festival by Trabant 33, on licence via Epidemic Sound.

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Darkest Hour IV: Going Underground!

Thu, 20 Oct 2022 07:43:36 GMT

Welcome back! This week we open with a previously unheard speech by Churchill, if you don't believe us, just listen! Did Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars take inspiration, you decide!

Attracted by the "Sound of the Underground", Churchill gets lost on the Tube while recording the longest journey ever on the District Line. It's always darkest before the dawn, particularly when you're underground and there he holds commuters hostage to a focus group. We'll see a rousing speech in parliament much to the disappointment of the Dark Lord Halifax while Chamberlain, fresh from his coffin remembers to mop his brow at a key moment. Finally, we finish the Culture Wars once and for all.

"Cause Uptown Funk gon' give it to you" - Churchill in 1940 (Allegedly)

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Darkest Hour III: Podcast We Must, As Podcast We Shall

Thu, 13 Oct 2022 09:31:39 GMT

Things get serious for a bit as we pick apart some of the differences between Joe Wright's movie and actual history, but don't worry - utterly absurd jokes about future Prime Ministers being cats return soon enough. Lord Voldemort (played by Viscount Halifax) seems to be batting for Hitler, the Zombie Neville Chamberlain wants terms struck. Threats of resignation and fears of invasion and governmental collapse hang in the air like a fart in the War Room. WC takes to the WC in order to talk to his mate Frankie on the ring-ring. Churchill might just get what he paid for (horses not included). Admrial Ramsey's bright idea gets nabbed, a boozy lunch is served a day early. Radio One makes some interesting broadcasting choices. Big Nev is delivered a withering snub in favour of the Minister for Cuddles. General Ironside (fresh from a day of wheelchair bound sleuthing) presents what looks like Doctor Goebbels' home videos as unimpeachable fact. A surprise visit from a not so merry monarch brings hope of redemption.

Back to your basket, Anthony Eden.

"I meant to say 'a bit of a lad, not a bit of a cad'" - Kenny

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Darkest Hour II: Last Tango in Eden

Sat, 08 Oct 2022 11:22:55 GMT

This time we'll hear about the formation of Churchill's war cabinet consisting of a cat, a sheep, a vampire and the corpse of Chamberlain which will change the course of the war. Eden suffers more humilation at the hands of his owner, but has left something in the garden. Churchill heads off to France to see a new invention, the petrol station. Back in London, Miss Layton is given a tour of the War Rooms by the most obnoxious man in Whitehall. Later Winston recounts his musical career and the key to an intoxicating brew.

Expect girlish glee and more during this week's episode of Cinema is History.

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Darkest Hour I: Gimme Clop, Or Gimme Ring-Ring

Thu, 29 Sep 2022 07:30:18 GMT

"Ah, London in Wartime, this is History right here, Brian."

The Cinema is History podcast journeys back to May 1940, and some of the darkest days of the Second World War. Winston Churchill is not yet Prime Minister, but he is very angry about single spaced type. His new secretary Elizabeth Layton has to deal with some unexpected challenges such as working out who the hell Clop is, then battling a geriatric Rancor. The dessicated husk of Neville Chamberlain is assailed by a time travelling Michael Foot. A day out to the palace results in a new challenge for a 65 year old man who can't get through the day without a Charlie Kelly style blackout, while all the time a sinister vampiric force lurks in the shadows.

New research meanwhile suggests that "Anthony Eden" may in fact have been the Churchills' cat.

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Master and Commander IV: Albatrosses! Do you hear me?

Thu, 15 Sep 2022 09:38:25 GMT

Listen in as we beat to quarters for one last time with the crew of HMS Surprise. With the showdown approaching, battle plans are given the David Attenborough treatment in the form of stick insects and the crew make their thespian debut as whalers with Mr Hogg directing. Captain Howard (still short a brain!) continues to endanger everyone while it's revealed that Gorden Kaye commands the Acheron. Finally, we'll say goodbye to some very dear friends to the cries of albatrosses!

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Master and Commander III: Ugly Devils present 'The Freaks of Nature' feat. Mr Allen

Thu, 08 Sep 2022 05:14:54 GMT

Peter Weir's 2002 swashbuckling Royal Navy epic continues to get the CiH treatment. The crew of HMS Surprise head for the isolated Galapagos Islands to party with Nixon. Mr Allen proves a hanging judge for an impromptu amphibian beauty contest. Disaster strikes (repeatedly) for Jack and an unlikely crime fighting duo is formed. Captain Howard runs amok and a Royal Society dinner is spectacularly upended. Expect mad kings, flightless birds and unexplained Burnley accents.

Surprise is on our side!

Music by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic sound.

cinemaishistory@gmail.com - email us with Your Important Thoughts tm

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Master and Commander II: The Weevil of Two Lessers

Thu, 01 Sep 2022 09:55:51 GMT

Join us as the crew of HMS Surprise yet again have their South American minibreak interrupted by the rude holidaymakers of the Acheron and are forced to go round the Horn to escape. In the Wardroom we'll hear amusing ancedotes about Lord Nelson, dad jokes about weevils, all accompanied by copious amounts of wine and lashings of soused hog face.

Below decks, Old Joe who is fresh from his annual lobotomy begins to ramble on about Jonahs, while Killick practices for next years Great British Bake Off with an overly gelatinous Galapagos Islands. Will he be this week's star baker?

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Master and Commander I: Fast Times on the H.M.S. Surprise

Thu, 25 Aug 2022 07:27:56 GMT

Welcome back. This time the Cinema is History crew are setting sail for the Far Side of the World in search of adventure, the French phantom ship Acheron and a Sailing Master with a human touch. Expect strangely named characters, references to Captain McAllister from the Simpsons and perverted sexual lust of a maritime flavour. We only hope Eugene Levy can keep order.

Kiss me, beneath the foaming sea spray, lead me, onto the unswabbed deck.

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The Last Samurai II: A Good Conversation? Nonsense!

Thu, 11 Aug 2022 19:32:00 GMT

Part II of II on Edward Zwick's enjoyable shogunate caper. Alex and Kenny ponder the brutality of modern warfare, the deceitfulness of SImon Graham, the asshattery of Colonel Bagley, the shallow depravity of Mr Omura, and the futility of spending your days looking for a perfect blossom.

We are perhaps the only podcast on the internet that could get through two episodes on a film about Tam Cruise playing a Captain and mention neither Top Gun nor Scientology.

Jolly Good!

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The Last Samurai I - A Fellow Podcast, Oh Capital!

Thu, 04 Aug 2022 15:49:07 GMT

Kenny and Alex return as we journey east to the land of the rising sun or should that be the land of the striking pun? No. Here we meet an American arms salesman, a Japanese warlord, blossom enthusiast and decapitation expert, as well as a disgraced British former trade envoy with a scalping obsession. The laziest general in history fails to assist Tom Cruise, who is also perturbed when mistaken for a TEFL teacher.

Also this week we ask is Zebulon a real name and 'Is it moral to mow down innocent conscripts to sate your bloodlust in the name of honour?' The answer to both suprisingly, turns out to be 'Yes'.

See you in Top of Omura's for a pint or two of the black stuff. Guiness not 19th century water.

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Braveheart IV: This Way I Get Seventeen Paycheques

Thu, 21 Jul 2022 08:07:09 GMT

And now, the end is near, and we must face the final Braveheart episode.

Bill Wallace goes on a killing spree before being captured and finally executed, Edward I transforms into a sea monster, an unlikely union is discussed. Robert the Leper has his swansong, Robert the Bruce does some strange acting, Lord Craig just wants to have brunch with the boys. Last but by no means least, a High Court Judge becomes a celebrity while also feeling the pinch of 21st century hyper-capitalism.

You can now email us your important thoughts at cinemaishistory@gmail.com. But be nice or you won't be invited back!

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Braveheart III: The Defenestration Game

Thu, 14 Jul 2022 08:17:06 GMT

Our Braveheart Odyssey continues. John Balliol tries to convince William to invest in a timeshare, the Governor of York gets the business, Isabella meets Wallace and Edward Longshanks tosses his son's boyfriend out of a window, which is funnier than it sounds on paper.

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Braveheart II: Britain's Next Top Magistrate

Tue, 05 Jul 2022 07:51:17 GMT

Our forensic analysis of / malcontented ravings about (delete as applicable) the 1995 'historical' barnstormer continue apace. Contains unexpected nunchuckas, signed photographs of minor characters and Undercover Atkinson. Let this scrapper come to us.

Music by Trabant 33 on license via Epidemic Sound.

All podcasts contain spoilers for the movies discussed, fair warning. .

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Braveheart I: A Song of Lord Bottoms

Thu, 30 Jun 2022 06:52:41 GMT

We're back! Kenny and Alex return with part one of what turns into a fairly intense deep dive into the 1995 Mel Gibson classic Braveheart, charting the life and times of Scottish hero William Wallace, his pals Big Hamish, Irish Stephen and Campbell the Nutter from the Duke's Head.

Warning, contains perverted lords and references to Seinfeld.

Music by Trabant 33 on license via Epidemic Sound.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Troy Part 2: Uncle Aggy's Wild Ride

Thu, 23 Jun 2022 15:19:22 GMT

Greetings Listeners!

Join us as we go on a rollercoaster ride through the amazing acting of Brian Cox as King Agamemnon in Troy.

Supper in the Gardens of Troy not included.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Troy Part 1: A Jolly Boys' Outing

Thu, 23 Jun 2022 15:16:16 GMT

Greetings listeners!

Join the Cinema is History podcast as we sail across the Aegean to discuss the 2004 film Troy in all its glory and hilarity.

Warning - May contain bird signs and mad uncles.

Music by Trabant 33 on licence through Epidemic Sound

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.