Cringevangelical

God Declassified: School Survival Guide

Wed, 17 Jul 2024 18:37:54 GMT

A follow up to last week's episode where we get into the nitty gritty of what really went wrong at CSU. Also, can I say King Gizzard and the Wizard Lizard five times fast? Did this college for reals have a 10:30pm curfew? How bad can life get for women? Do you really need a degree to teach college courses or can prayer help you fake it? This and more in a rather scathing episode of Cringevangelical!

CW/TW:

-homophobia

-conversion therapy mentioned

-bullying

-mentions of extreme isolation

-homelessness

-financial abuse

-religious abuse

-classism

-ableism

-misogyny

-emotional turmoil/emotional dysregulation

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Death of a College (not by Arthur Miller)

Fri, 12 Jul 2024 18:27:15 GMT

My greatest enemy has fallen. That's it. What a way to to start off the second season am I right?

TW/CW:

-Mentions of CSA

-Mentions of SA

-Mentions of homophobia

-Abuse of power

-Misogyny

-Religious Abuse

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What Woman Want (Probably Not This)

Thu, 16 May 2024 18:28:28 GMT

It's the big finale for Jimmy and his marriage course from Hell! Get ready for USDA certified bullshit as we discuss how to affair proof your marriage. Jimmy brings the tough love by telling us we don't deserve happiness but we do deserve a fire D, as long as that D is honored properly prior and also we pray over said D before we use it. Also a little post script on Sailor Moon and the Christian reading into her (kind of rambly but someone does truly believe they edited out the Christian themes because of woke). Enjoy service y'all.

TW/CW:

-Misogyny

-Fatphobia

-'Discussions of abuse (brief and vague)

-Emotional manipulation

-Xenophobia and racism

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Their Eyes Were Watching God and God's Eyes Were Watching You Miss the Clit Again

Thu, 11 Apr 2024 19:06:02 GMT

Did you know that your sex is monitored by our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ? Well, according to Jim Jam Jimboree and his wife Karen, Jesus is in the room while you bone, and he likes it! Also, how is Sailor Moon radicalizing Islam? Will God be mad if my wife doesn't cum? Do men do emotions? How about oral? Can cleaning the house take me straight to pound town? These questions no one ever wanted and more on today's episode of Cringevangelical!

TW/CW:

Purity Culture

Misogny

Slut shaming

Homophobia

Transphobia

Islamophobia

Xenophobia

Ethnocentrism

Racism

Patriarchal themes

Sexual themes

Implication of nonconsent

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My Coming Out Story

Fri, 22 Mar 2024 21:33:26 GMT

This is exactly what you think it is, my coming out story! Just one hour of me yapping about how I figured out I was queer af. This content will include spoilers for the Magnus Archives, me thinking A03 was just a fanpage for the Magnus Archives, the confusion I felt when I went on A03 and it was not just fanfiction about the Magnus Archives, valuable lore surrounding my Monster Pig fanfiction and good old fashioned religious bullshit! Thanks guys, hope you enjoy some extra special content :)

TW/CW:

-Homophobia

-Transphobia

-Internalized homophobia

-Brief mention of suicidal ideation

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Lars and the Real Girl (Unrated Version)

Thu, 14 Mar 2024 17:54:46 GMT

I start my indestructible marriages course and it is so boring I get sidetracked and find "The Gathering" a British men's retreat like no other! Get ready for weird marriage tips interspersed with testosterone laced fun in this multinational episode of Cringevangelical!

TW/CW:

-Colonialism

-Homophobia

-Transphobia

-Mentions of divorce

-Mentions of sexual intimacy

-Discussions of verbal and emotional abuse

-Mention of sex dolls

-Mention of unsafe sexual encounters

-Discussion of grifting/scamming

-Discussion of guns and shooting ranges

-Discussions of queer subcultures and stereotypes that surround them

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Eh, Mate, Great Day to Be Transphobic, Innit?

Wed, 06 Mar 2024 21:38:05 GMT

Oh, you thought we were done being problematic in a British accent? Well, you are wrong because British evangelicals are JUST as political as American evangelicals all in the name of *drum roll* BEING TRANSPHOBIC! That's right, get your paper and pens out, it's time for random British men to teach us how to writer homophobic letters to parliament and for some reason go absolutely ballistic over Scottish education law (hells yeah!). I break down how genuinely terrifying this is and how the UK isn't as different (or that far) from taking on some of the US's less..... savory evangelical practices, in this episode of Cringevangelical.

CW/TW:

Transphobia

Homophobia

King Ch*rles

Boris Johnson

Donald Trump

Racism

Xenophobia

Colonialism

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Good Day To Give Your Life to Christ, innit?

Fri, 01 Mar 2024 20:18:15 GMT

On today's godly episode, we travel across the pond to see what is the state of affairs for British evangelicals. Listen as I, your fearless (and American, please be gentle, I am American) host as I dive into the misconceptions us ex-fundie kids have about the UK and the continent of Europe in general. This episode includes: me just saying "England" when I mean the UK and then catching myself and correcting myself and then repeating that process ad nauseam, end times conspiracy theories, and sending your kids to Wales to camp for the LORD.

Also a PSA, this is most definitely an ANTI monarchist podcast, so don't expect me to be particularly nice to old Charlie and his motley crew.

CW/TW

-Mentions of war

-Colonialism themes

-Abortion

-Rishi Sunak

-Boris Johnson

-Liz Truss, I don't message her, but you might have to think about her and I understand how scary that might be

-Discussion of apocalyptic events

-King Ch*rles

-Discussion of disability

-Discussion of homelessness and poverty (brief and vague)

-Discussion of censorship

-Ethnocentrism

-Nationalism

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Bible Thumping While Dry Humping

Thu, 15 Feb 2024 22:25:44 GMT

Guys, the Christian marriage app has anatomy graphics for people who are married and have had *the sex*. I am talking basic graphs we got in health class. It's just that like it's news for PEOPLE WHO HAVE HAD SEX! That's it. That's the episode. Just forty minutes of me coping with this knowledge.

TW/CW:

-mentions of pornography

-purity culture

-descriptions of sexual activity

-mentions of riding a subway

-mentions of having sex on the subway

-exhibitionism

-themes of noncon activity

-misogyny

-chauvinism

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Biblical Blowjobs and Christlike Cunnilingus

Tue, 13 Feb 2024 20:13:59 GMT

Wow wow wow, where to begin? Folks, we have a Christian marriage sex app that is breaking down how oral sex is okay now! Thanks Bethany Beal for making sure I know all about it! I give the history of old Bortles Beal and her reign of sexual....whatever is going on. Also, what if we renamed sex positions so they were more godly? Sex toys in the Christian tradition exist but masturbation is forbidden, so the sex toys are marital aids now and we only use them during the sex. Also we play Would You Rather, and we ask the big questions such as, "Would you rather top or bottom? immediately followed by "Would you rather be shot and killed immediately or would you want to suffer and maybe live?" with no context or reason. All of this and somehow more in this episode that's sexy in a GOD honoring way.

CW/TW:

-Purity Culture

-Sexual Content

-Descriptions of sexual activity

-Heteronormativity

-Homophobia/transphobia (blink and you miss it)

-Childhood sexual assault (brief and in intro, skip to four minute mark)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Monster Pig vs. Black Phillip

Wed, 31 Jan 2024 19:18:23 GMT

What if The Magnus Archives' favorite murderous pig got seriously into it with Black Phillip, saucy and sinister goat from The VVitch? Well, you are in luck because sometimes you have to be your own hero and write stupid fanfiction about murderous barnyard animals goring the shit out of each other. Please take a listen if you want to add objectively dumb writing into your life.

TW/CW

-Violence

-Animal violence (against each other)

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Patch the F@#$^$@ Pirate

Tue, 30 Jan 2024 22:44:15 GMT

Ahoy maties! Let's sail the seas for God in this swashbuckling episode of Cringevangelical. What would you do if your left eye was removed at an objectively young age rendering you partially blind and with a huge eye patch? Start a ministry where you call yourself a Christian Pirate and write a bunch of pirate songs about God for kids, OF COURSE! Take a listen as we dive into Christian piracy in this Patch the Pirate special!

CW/TW:

Racism

Medical Procedures/Terminal Illness

Mention of abortion

Mention of immigration

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Santa Claus is Coming to TAKE THE CHRIST OUT OF CHRISTMAS

Thu, 21 Dec 2023 00:11:39 GMT

Uh oh, looks like the atheists are at it again and making me include people that aren't me in greetings! Also, can the atheist bro culture just stop, I go on a rant about everyone's favorite criminal, I mean mayor, Byron Brown, and is Santa robbing Jesus' well deserved glory? All of this and more in this holly jolly episode of Cringevangelical.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'm Talking WAP WAP WAP, That's Some Wet Ass Purity

Wed, 13 Dec 2023 22:17:17 GMT

Girls, is it sin to have a normal bodily reaction? Should you kiss before marriage? How about a nice backrub, that okay? What are the red flags in men? Do I have to be physically attracted to my partner? Am I respecting my husband as a transactional act to get any form of affection from him? These questions no one asks unless they are a sexually confused evangelical girl and so much more on my mini marriage course for evangelical women!

TW/CW

-Purity Culture (TAKE HEED)

-Slut shaming

-Inappropriate discussions of SA

-Minimization of SA

-Harmful views of sexuality

-Homophobia

-Transphobia

-Fatphobia

-Misogyny

-Chauvinism

-Mental Health minimization

-Mistreatment of women

-Verbal abuse

-Sexual abuse

-Emotional abuse

-Manipulative language

-Gaslighting

-Inappropriate discussion of divorce

-Discussion of unhealthy and toxic marriages

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Wives, Submit to Your Husbands and Husbands, Simp on Main for Your Wife

Tue, 05 Dec 2023 21:06:37 GMT

Girlies, is it gay for your husband to respect and love you? We are looking over what we will be learning as good Christian wives and husbands. Also, am I a virtuous woman? What is Critical Grace Theory? Will there be oral sex in heaven? All these questions and more are answered very insufficiently in this episode of Cringvevangelical.

CW/TW

Purity Culture

Slut-shaming

Swearing

Sexual content

Mentions of oral sex

Homophobia

Transphobia

Racism

Xenophobia

Anti-semitism

Islamophobia

Mentions of marital abuse

Mentions of emotionally abusive relationships

Patriarchal Themes

Misogyny

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Shrek/Paul Blart: The Full Reading of a Wattpad Classic

Mon, 30 Oct 2023 10:00:31 GMT

What could bring Shrek, Paul Blart, Mr. Darcy, and J.K. Rowling together? Well this fanfiction of course! A little Halloween bonus for y'all.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Satanic Panic at the Disco

Thu, 26 Oct 2023 10:00:24 GMT

What if your horror movies are causing a demonic influence on your home? Also, what makes a horror movie Christian, can you get rid of your demonic friends through Jesus' name, and when will Alanna ever stop rambling!? This and more on this spooky episode.

TW/CW

-Abortion

-Demonic possession

-Child abuse (not described)

-Mental Illness

-Medical Issues not being taken seriously

-Mental Illness seen as a sin

-Censorship of art and film

-Misogyny

-Poverty (discussed)

-Shame

-Classism

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How To Celebrate Halloween in a God Honoring Way

Thu, 19 Oct 2023 09:00:22 GMT

Halloween doesn't need to be a time of darkness and death, it can also be a time of darkness and death as long as that darkness and death happened within the many pages of the Bible. What wouldn't the little kiddies like more than passing out Bible tracts dressed up as David and Goliath while worship songs about victory over death are playing in the background? Plus what if instead of bobbing for apples we bobbed for scripture? And what if you went trick or treating but subtlely wrote down the name and address of each of your neighbors so you could target them in future evangelical escapades??????????

These questions and more will be answered in this hauntingly holy episode.

TW/CW:

-Discussion of satanic and demonic activity

-Mentions of child abuse or neglect

-Stalking behavior described

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Censorship and Sensibility

Thu, 28 Sep 2023 09:00:02 GMT

Happy Banned Books Week! Let's take a little gander at how Evangelicals love a good book banning and this rando who went to Barnes and Noble to read a bunch of young adult literature (without paying) to tell us all how it's evil!

TW/CW:

-Book banning

-Government sponsored censorship

-Misogyny

-Racism

-Transphobia

-Homophobia

-Queerphobia

-JK R*wling

-Negative discussion of satanism

-Negative comments towards paganism and wicca

-Discussion of childhood trauma

-Purity culture

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My Life Is In You Lord and You'll Be in Me if the Night Goes Well

Thu, 21 Sep 2023 04:00:33 GMT

Have you ever listened to worship music and thought "why is this so horny?" Well you are in luck, because I also think the same exact thing. Also, what's more casual and normal than making kids sing about eternal damnation being imminent and why exactly did "You Spin Me Right Round (Like a Record)" get a Christian cover on this musical edition of Cringevangelical.

TW/CW:

Homophobia

Negative views on self worth

Discussion of sex

Sexual innuendos

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Fight Night 666: Goku vs. Jesus

Fri, 15 Sep 2023 19:39:30 GMT

The thrilling sequel to Daniel's smiting experience, Dragonball is causing us to *lust* and the many tenets of the Church of Goku.

TW/CW:

Xenophobia

Anti-Asian racism

Check out my tumblr @hippeasantwitch and my instagram @cringevangelical_pod

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You Can't Kill the Boogeyman, But You Can Pray for Him!

Thu, 31 Aug 2023 09:30:28 GMT

The spooky season is upon us. Get on into it with Gi and Alanna as we discuss the important things in life, like should Vincent Price have done drag and what if a haunted house was Christian in this Cringevangelical Halloween special (as well as our first Cringevangelical punishment).

TW/CW:

Discussion of periods

Purity culture

Mention of abortion

Mention of medical emergency

Sexual content (erotica discussion and censored reading)

Mass shootings

Mauling of human by wild animals

Animal distress (brief, non violent)

Blood

Gore

Substance Use/Overdose

Mention of mental health as a "sin"

https://www.cringevangelical.com/

https://www.instagram.com/cringevangelical_pod/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hogwarts School of Prayers and Miracles: The Great Fight with Voldemort

Mon, 28 Aug 2023 04:00:18 GMT

Voldemort arrives to campus with his heathen agenda and a ruthless Reddit account!

TW/CW:

Forced evangelism

Derogatory discussion of atheists

Mentions of addiction (non descriptive)

Gaslighting

Manipulation

Misuse of authority

Misogyny

Discussions of sex and purity (some non direct)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I Only Rolled This Crit Hit through Christ Who Strengthens Me

Thu, 24 Aug 2023 04:00:28 GMT

It's just like Dungeons and Dragons kids! Except you memorize Bible verses, you get random, unwanted, spiritual guidance, and you can convert NPCs to the one true faith: Evangelical Christianity! Hand in your divining spells for discerning prayer in this (only slightly alarming) episode!

TW/CW:

Fatphobia (PLEASE take seriously)

Body shaming

Forced evangelizing

Manipulative language

Public humiliation

Authoritarian themes

Patriarchy

Misogyny

Christian Supremacy

Mention of breasts

Crude language

Slut shaming

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hogwarts School of Prayers and Miracles: The Great Pray-Off

Mon, 21 Aug 2023 04:00:01 GMT

Harry and Draco finally face off in the penultimate episode of Hogwarts School of Prayers and Miracles.

TW/CW:

Misogyny

Manipulation

Anti-Catholic narrative

Forced conversion

Patriarchal themes

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Poughkeepsie Tapes (Youth Group Remix)

Thu, 17 Aug 2023 04:00:53 GMT

What goes better together than rural New England and Japan? Forced evangelism apparently! Plus a startling found footage discovery in a local missionary's basement and answering the biggest question of all: Will Naruto go to Heaven?!

TW/CW:

Child P8rnography mention

Mentions of blood

Anti-Asian racism

Mentions of common Asian stereotpyes

Mentions of predatory behaviors

Descriptions of criminal activity

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hogwarts School of Prayers and Miracles: A Threat to the Constitution

Mon, 14 Aug 2023 04:00:09 GMT

Will Voldemort make homeschooling illegal? Does anyone care about the Constitution?! These questions and more in this installment of Hogwarts School of Prayers and Miracles.

TW/CW:

Debi Pearl

Misogyny

Anti-Catholic commentary

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VBS (but not the Lucy Dacus song)

Thu, 03 Aug 2023 12:00:40 GMT

A little look at Vacation Bible School featuring random rants about quinoa, imperialism, and capitalism.

TW/CW:

Racism

Imperialism

Colonialization

Poverty

White Supremacy

Christo-Fascism

Mentions of death

Mentions of Hell

Xenophobia

Ethnocentrism

Eurocentrism

War

Political Upheaval (brief)

Misogyny

Homophobia

Transphobia

Ableism

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hogwarts School of Prayers and Miracles: The Truth of Voldemort

Mon, 31 Jul 2023 13:00:45 GMT

Harry gets his first class assignment, the kids learn the truth about Voldemort and his attacks on the US Constitution, and Harry sets a plan in motion to make everyone a Gryffindor.

TW/CW:

-Misogyny

-Religious prejudice

-Verbal disagreement

-Mention of JK R*wling

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

American Cowboys and British Warriors

Thu, 27 Jul 2023 12:00:20 GMT

Choose your fighter: A rough and ready Cowboy Church Christian or a tent praying British Warrior Christian. This and a big sappy thank you from yours truly in this Summer Camp Special of Cringevangelical!

TW/CW:

Misogyny

Misogyny but British

Firearms

Mentions of animal abuse (not graphic)

Mentions of military and military like actions

Anti-LGBTQ themes

Racism

Ethnocentrism

Colonialism

Mentions of Poverty

Mentions of emotional distress

Discussion of raising animals for meat

Link to website.

https://www.cringevangelical.com/

Link to Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/cringevangelical_/?igshid=MjEwN2IyYWYwYw%3D%3D

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Hogwarts School Of Prayers and Miracles: The Papists Arrive

Mon, 24 Jul 2023 13:00:11 GMT

Harry has his first trial of faith, the Weasleys have breakfast with Harry, and the big hat choosing ceremony!

CW:

Anti-Catholic statements

Christofascist thinking and policy

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Journey to the Center of the Skirt

Thu, 20 Jul 2023 13:00:33 GMT

Start dressing for the kingdom girlies, the Lord shines his light on those who follow his sensible denim path.

TW:

Purity culture

Slut shaming

Discussion of abuse and manipulation

Gaslighting descriptions

Patriarchal structures and ideals

Alcohol mentions

Marijuana mentions

Mentions of virginity

Descriptions of cultish behavior

Mentions of notable, alleged, abusers (Ghislaine Maxwell, Colleen Ballinger, Prince Andrew, Danny Masterson, Chris Noth, and Bryan Singer)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hogwarts School of Prayers and Miracles: An Even More Terrible Dramatic Reading

Mon, 17 Jul 2023 13:00:26 GMT

Chapters 3 and 4 are here with some good old fashioned Christian dinner and a triumphant purity monologue. Now get on your knees and PRAY!

CW:

-Virginity being favored

-Mentions of violence

-Themes of patriarchy

-Themes of obedience as favorable

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Are You There God? I Need a Tylenol

Thu, 13 Jul 2023 13:00:16 GMT

Music festivals but you have to go to church at the music festival, who needs medicine when you have prayer and unwanted advice, and lesbians are eldritch fear gods in this episode (PLEASE HEED THE TWs)

TWs:

-mentions of suicde

-mentions of eating disorders

-mentions of OCD

-mentions of medical misogyny

-minimization of chronic illness and symptoms related to chronic illness

-mentions of children in potentially dangerous situations

-mention of abortion

-mention of gaslighting

-mentions of lack of self-worth

-mentions of childhood abandonment

-mention of panic attacks

-mentions of poverty

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hogwarts School of Prayers and Miracles: A Terrible Dramatic Reading

Mon, 10 Jul 2023 20:39:49 GMT

Ever wonder how Christians would write Harry Potter? Well, hand in your broomstick for an old rugged cross because we are about to read through Hogwarts' School of Prayers and Miracles!

CW:

Mention of addiction

Mention of sexual activity outside of a marital context as negative

Misogyny and gender stereotypes

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Gotta Save 'Em All

Fri, 07 Jul 2023 00:55:16 GMT

Stop catching those Pokemans and get evangelizing kids!

CW: Anti-Asian Racism and Stereotyping

Mentions of addiction

Forced evangelism

Mentions of the occult and satan worship

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In the Beginning

Thu, 06 Jul 2023 22:00:28 GMT

Just giving a warm Cringevangelical welcome to the Podcast. Blessings.

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