If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes

John's Razors

Mon, 06 Apr 2026 07:00:00 GMT

merritt reunites with John and Niki via satellite for an update on the status of the Artemis II mission (which everyone on the show was definitely aware of), a brief discussion about various use cases for pneumatic tubes in the household, the plot to kill the baseball child, merritt's first royalty check from Marvel Comics, and somehow even more.

Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.

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The Wilt Chamberlain of Elevators

Mon, 30 Mar 2026 07:00:00 GMT

Apparently it's Elevator Week, so John, Michael and Niki discuss a number of topics relevant to the theme, including what everyone's favorite elevator is, whether you press the open/close door buttons, the Guardians of the Galaxy redesign of the Tower of Terror, elevators with various interior finishes, and somehow even more.

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Fix Your Back or Die

Mon, 23 Mar 2026 07:00:00 GMT

Friend of the Show™ Michael Higham joins Niki and John for an episode of our audio television program wherein the gang discusses Niki falling down the stairs, various types of dog food, getting a burger after that big win, "fuck-ass food," the stagnation of western cultural development since the proliferation of the Internet, and yeah, somehow even more.

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Spoonworthy

Mon, 16 Mar 2026 07:00:00 GMT

With merritt once again visiting the International Space Station, John and Niki hold down the fort by investigating Taco Bell's desperate new menu items, the contents of Niki's mail, what Enron was or did, the difference between then and now (money ver.), Niki's new health insurance, and folks? Somehow even more.

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Michael Tiddes

Mon, 09 Mar 2026 07:00:00 GMT

Thanks to the very real and substantial threat of legal action following our last episode, the gang resolves to never* do a variety of celebrity voice impressions again. Instead, merritt, Niki and John spend half the episode talking about the Scary Movie franchise, and then spend the second half of the episode trying and failing to move on to other topics.

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The Andrew Dice Clay Episode

Mon, 02 Mar 2026 08:00:00 GMT

Look, I'm not happy about it either, but there was nothing I could do. It doesn't last the whole episode, so please, just be strong. You can be strong, I know it. I've seen you do it. I believe in you, okay? We're all gonna get through the intro to this episode together.

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On This Week’s 'The Pitt'

Mon, 23 Feb 2026 08:00:00 GMT

Thanks to his extensive Hollywood connections, John lands the gang a gig writing, directing and starring in a new episode of The Pitt. Let the brainstorming begin!

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The Duggler

Mon, 16 Feb 2026 08:00:00 GMT

I'm not sure how I feel about it, and honestly it's a little frightening, but somehow John, merritt and Niki spent an entire episode discussing a single topic. I can't remember the last time this happened, and truth be told I'm entirely positive that it's ever happened, but there's a first time for everything I guess. There is one brief but noteworthy diversion about Home Depot, but otherwise I hope you brought your knee pads.

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The Janitor at Munger Hall

Mon, 09 Feb 2026 08:00:00 GMT

John, merritt and Niki have finally reunited, and the gang wastes no time getting down to business. What sorts of hammers are there? Do you know what a Munger Hall is? When was the last time that you, a six year old, went out for a fine meal? Do you get to watch it when they ... you know?? Plus a mega-sized installment of Scam Text Theater and, despite our best efforts, somehow even more.

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The Spider That Lives in My PlayStation

Mon, 02 Feb 2026 08:00:00 GMT

Now it's merritt's turn aboard the International Space Station, so Niki and John are once again tasked with carrying the entire podcast on their shoulders. Both deserve credit for not making any 67 jokes on this, our 167th episode, but probably not too much because I think they just forgot. Regardless, you will learn a lot about the slime layer, childhood debt, Good Morning America demographics, and beyond a reasonable doubt, somehow even more.

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Why Aren’t I the Limbo Queen?

Mon, 26 Jan 2026 08:00:00 GMT

With Niki aboard the International Space Station for health reasons, merritt and John hold down the fort by discussing their plan for handling legal retaliation from Mickey Rourke, the current state of the MMCU (Malcom in the Middle Cinematic Universe), bringing Jimmy Stewart "back," animated fates worse than death, the 2008 film Jumper, and against the recommendations of our attorney, somehow even more.

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Erogenous Jones

Mon, 19 Jan 2026 08:00:00 GMT

John, Niki and merritt recap the hustle and bustle of their whirlwind attendance at the Golden Globes, before moving on to today's docket of pressing issues, which include the changes we would make to the Star Wars franchise, how the world has/hasn't improved since 2018, Guardian Caps, changes we would make to the rules of American Football, Bowling for Soup, and despite the advice of our doctors, somehow even more.

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Betty Boop Ideas

Mon, 12 Jan 2026 08:00:00 GMT

merritt, Niki and John ring in the New Year (in their timeline anyway, ours is accelerated) by going over new additions to the Public Domain, ideas about how to exploit the new opportunities provided by those additions, and then they just talk about cigarettes.

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Mouth Heaven

Mon, 05 Jan 2026 08:00:00 GMT

Okay so, full disclosure, I'm sick and didn't listen through this episode before scheduling it, so I have no idea what's in this one. We'll get to find out together! Isn't that romantic? Sit on the other end of the couch though, I'm really, really contagious and you don't want to be in the splash zone for this one.

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League of Extraordinary Smiths

Mon, 22 Dec 2025 08:00:00 GMT

merritt is back and not a moment too soon, as Niki and John need as much help as they can get to navigate the death of Santa Claus, the return of the Burgermeister, David Carradine, other movies we should make in Fortnite, various Wills Smith, and through the power of the holiday season, somehow even more.

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The Big Loud Fox Jumps Over the Crazy Straw

Mon, 15 Dec 2025 08:00:00 GMT

With merritt aboard the International Space Station, John and Niki hold down the fort by talking about typesetting, sports jokes I didn't understand, the #1 Maryland Food Podcast™, sad stories about old dogs, the lamp you jerk off, off-gassing, and despite our best efforts, somehow even more.

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P15S 4G

Mon, 08 Dec 2025 08:00:00 GMT

Finally reunited after No Niki November, the gang wastes no time dissecting a new docket of topical issues facing today's youth, including Frank Sinatra, The Meat Zone, Michael's Milk, doorbells, crimeable acts, earbuds, blood vessels, battery-powered trash cans, and with the power of 1,000 suns, somehow even more.

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Michael’s Milk: Welcome to Dairy

Mon, 01 Dec 2025 08:00:00 GMT

John, merritt and Michael are still legally allowed access to microphones (for now), and thus the show continues unabated, despite his best efforts. This week's topics of discussion include Uncrustables, an important clarification regarding Michael's Milk™, Kirby's secret origins, John's secret to huge numbers, mad cow disease, butt chugging, childhood trauma (unrelated), and despite pressure from our lawyers, somehow even more.

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Michael's Milk

Mon, 24 Nov 2025 08:00:00 GMT

We hope you're thirsty, because Michael, John and merritt are back with gallons of gossip and giggles for you to guzzle down your gullet! [Editor's note: I'm trying a new thing where the descriptions are really annoying, let me know what you think.] After our regular biweekly Bible sesh, the gang dishes over their favorite apocalypse-themed wrestlers, the ideal diner hot sauce, John from Cincinnati, pogs, and unbeknownst to many, somehow even more.

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The Characters Welcome Era

Mon, 17 Nov 2025 08:00:00 GMT

No Niki November continues, with Michael, merritt and John doing their absolute best to keep this train on its tracks, with predictable results. Topics of discussion for this episode include the output of the USA Network between 2005 and 2016, "the first porno you watched," the existence of the Storkborn, ye olde Internet, buying CDs in 2025 and, if you can believe it, somehow even more.

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Miles "Tim" Prower

Mon, 10 Nov 2025 08:00:00 GMT

With Niki exiled to the International Space Station for No Niki November, friend of the show Michael Higham joins John and merritt for another round of ... whatever this is. The gang talks about baseball, AI-generated pictures of Shaq, how long we've had our phone numbers, the dating age limit, and some general information about Canada, as well as a a double edition of Scam Text Theater and, somehow, even more.

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Megan Thee Stiltwalker

Mon, 03 Nov 2025 08:00:00 GMT

In our most SCARETACULAR episode yet, John, merritt and Niki don their festive garb and roam the streets causing mischief. Between egging houses, our trio touches on a number of SCREAMIFYING topics, including the evolution of the Spirit Halloween business model, Dracula's Dulce de Leche Dream, if your hair and nails still grow when you're dead, historical use of cattle prods by Canadian law enforcement, a vampire dog, and folks? Somehow even more.

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Chewbacca Lifespan

Mon, 27 Oct 2025 07:00:00 GMT

merritt, Niki and John spend an hour or so boiling life's issues down to their most distilled, relatable ingredients, and then snort or smoke them. This week's chemical additives include Major League Baseball, lower the ppm microplastic count of your jizz, manuka honey, an installment of Scam Text Theater that is truly one for the books, and if you still have room for dessert, somehow even more.

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Sorkin My Peanits

Mon, 20 Oct 2025 07:00:00 GMT

Niki and John welcome merritt back from her Las Vegas vacation(?), and after we find out how much money she lost, the show quickly moves on to other topics, which include (but are not limited to) time share presentations, Scam Text Theater entries from all three hosts(!!!), figuring out a Halloween costume for Niki, the lore of Family Matters, and if you listen closely, somehow even more.

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I Don’t Have to Date the Donut Shop

Mon, 13 Oct 2025 07:00:00 GMT

With merritt aboard the International Gambling Station, local hero Michael Higham joins Niki and John for an extensive, in-depth discussion about dating, car drinks, antimicrobial ping-pong balls, John's friend Ben, people who play Quidditch in real life, and before Niki and Michael have to go to this wedding, somehow even more.

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The PLT

Mon, 06 Oct 2025 07:00:00 GMT

Your phone rings. It's an unfamiliar number. The caller ID says "MAYBE: TODD," but can you really be sure? You answer, hoping to hear a familiar voice, and that is indeed what you find, but not in the way you had wanted. All that's waiting for you on the other end is John, merritt and Niki, talking at length about consumer safety, Leo saying the n-word, Canada's secret McDonald's veggie burger, inventing the movie theater of tomorrow, and in ways you're not ready for, so much more.

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9/11 Never Forget Special 2

Mon, 29 Sep 2025 07:00:00 GMT

What better way to celebrate 150 episodes of whatever the hell this is than by taking a little trip down memory lane? Niki, merritt and John listen to YOUR clips from past episodes and see if they can remember any of them, and afterwards they discuss additional pressing topics such as their mail cadence, Niki's ongoing battle against the City of Los Angeles, and somehow, even more.

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Decorative Snake, That Was

Mon, 22 Sep 2025 07:00:00 GMT

merritt, Niki and John, convene as a counsel of force ghosts for their regularly-scheduled parliamentary duties, which include determining how many snakes Chewbacca has seen, pulling a gun on Yoda, merritt's serial killer breakfast menu, john's ongoing "applesauce problem," the racist cinnamon stick, new frontiers in love, the man who invented the red clown nose, and according to the docket, somehow even more.

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Sorghum & The Famous Chicken

Mon, 15 Sep 2025 07:00:00 GMT

Niki, John and merritt break bread over a number of meaningful topics affecting today's Sleepy Americans, including "the old ways," musical appliances, real tangible manifest ramifications for your performance here, keeping your eye on the foot, a number of sports mascots, and folks? Somehow even more.

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Steak Though? Steak?

Mon, 08 Sep 2025 07:00:00 GMT

John, merritt and Niki reconvene for a fresh round of industry analysis and insight, covering such diverse topics as Fraiser, Mad About You, "fuck-ass Westerns," fluffy toilet lid covers, those 52 plastic-coated little guys, secrets for a successful gambling trip, what you can do with $120, and folks? Somehow even more.

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The Great Canadian-Off

Mon, 01 Sep 2025 07:00:00 GMT

merritt surprises John and Niki with not just a game to play on a mainline episode, but a Canadian game about Canada and its wonderful(?) culture.

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List of Bean Head Cartoons

Mon, 25 Aug 2025 07:00:00 GMT

With John aboard the International Space Station, merritt and Niki make do by discussing fly fishing penis etiquette, the World Games, "cracking open a warm one," MSNBC's new name, the pre-Gumball era, famous ibexes, and folks? Somehow, against all odds, even more.

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CloneFL

Mon, 18 Aug 2025 07:00:00 GMT

John, merritt and Niki once again attempt to solve the world's most pressing issues, which this week include the cryo lab they have at the zoo, post-war surfing, cow valves, British people singing, the vast potential enabled by time travel, and folks? Somehow even more.

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The Sand Eating Competition

Mon, 11 Aug 2025 07:00:00 GMT

With Gimmick Month behind us, and with everyone's ensuing physical and emotional wounds mostly healed, merritt, John and Niki get back to basics with a good ol' fashioned episode of the podcast. What does that mean, exactly? It means talking about slicing burgers like pizza. It means inventing new kinds of state-based restaurant systems. It means investigating the seedy underbelly of competitive eating. It means watching Mr. Beast, and somehow, so much more.

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Gimmick Month: The Great White Off 2025

Mon, 04 Aug 2025 07:00:00 GMT

Gimmick Month crashes into its shocking and climactic conclusion, as Niki runs merritt and John through a gauntlet of challenges designed to determine just who on this show is the whitest.

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Gimmick Month: Candy Week

Mon, 28 Jul 2025 07:00:00 GMT

Gimmick Month continues somehow, with our three heroes navigating Candy Week to the absolute best of their abilities. Perils awaiting them include (but are not limited to) beef tallow Reese's Cups, "the one that most looks like a turd," carbonic acid, the chocolate bar that makes you gay, something called "bridge mixture," and somehow, even more.

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Gimmick Month: Oops, Other People's Gimmicks

Mon, 21 Jul 2025 07:00:00 GMT

If you thought Gimmick Month wasn't going to last the whole month, well, that's not a very reasonable assumption! We named it that on purpose! Anyway this week's gimmick is plagiarism.

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Gimmick Month: Quiz Week

Mon, 14 Jul 2025 07:00:00 GMT

Gimmick Month continues with Niki's most devious and unpredictable challenge yet: Quiz Week. Do you know as much about the world as you think you do?

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Gimmick Month: PBS Week

Mon, 07 Jul 2025 07:00:00 GMT

It's July somewhere, and that means it's finally time for Gimmick Month!! Niki has graciously taken point on engineering this year's gimmicks, starting off the 2025 season with PBS Week, which, of course, must include discussion of Little Richard, Fetch with Ruff Ruffman, video games on the roadshow, when you go "to see a thing and one of the people doesn't say anything," and folks? Somehow even more.

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The Knife Man Commeth

Mon, 30 Jun 2025 07:00:00 GMT

Longtime best-friend and founding cast member LB Hunktears returns for a special episode full of surprises and adventure, as John, Niki and merritt walk LB through everything they've missed over the last few weeks, including Niki's plan to "do We Are the World again," Bane JNCOs, Frankenstein, the Spaceballs sequel, the latest issue of that AARP magazine Niki gets in the mail for some reason, jelqing, and dude, somehow even more.

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Mormon Dentist of Salt Lake City

Mon, 23 Jun 2025 07:00:00 GMT

John's back from having major reconstructive surgery, so to celebrate Niki and merritt throw him a big welcome home party with all of John's favorite things, including the show Sister Wives, "the autistic character in League of Legends," merritt's new straight jacket, Frank Thomas' Fuck Pills, doing gear, coming up with new rules for America's Favorite Pastime, and somehow, even more.

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merritt Saw the Creature

Mon, 16 Jun 2025 07:00:00 GMT

merritt, John and Niki bring a very important topic to the forefront of their weekly discussions: Who is behind the conspiracy destroying this podcast? To get to the bottom of it, the gang investigates a number of related mysteries, including the ET and Mario Kart rides at Universal Studios, "he has big teeth and he's everywhere," merritt's new Wii, and homie, somehow even more.

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Jake: Origins

Mon, 09 Jun 2025 07:00:00 GMT

So the bad news this week is that John was in an honest-to-God car accident and has a broken ankle, but the good news is that merritt is joining the show fulltime! These incidents are unrelated and nobody should look into them. :) Otherwise the gang workshops some new ways to incentivize young voters, while also handling John's irrational fear of windows, shoot playing Roblox, and folks, somehow even more.

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More Burger Music

Mon, 02 Jun 2025 07:00:00 GMT

John, merritt and Niki crack open a cold tallboy of TRUTH and slurp down a flight of intoxicating discussion topics, including (but not limited to) a failed clone of Machine Gun Kelly, the average number of marriages on this show, getting Jason Bourned as "something to do," Pac-Man's cavernous maw, a Chuck E. Cheese fire in Chicago, and honestly, so much that I've purposefully left out because it was way too funny to spoil here.

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Ahh!! It's Not Hot!!!

Mon, 26 May 2025 07:00:00 GMT

John, Niki and merritt take a break from their quickly unraveling lives [Editor's note: They're fine, I'm just trying to spice things up a little] to discuss a growing number of deep interpersonal concerns, including the physical cost of teleporting, our plans for the rapidly approaching Gimmick Month, deciding to look at a real dead body live on air, vertical smiles (and not the kind you'd think), and my friend, somehow even more.

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Wokelock

Mon, 19 May 2025 07:00:00 GMT

In addition to being on From the World of John Wick: Ballerina watch, Niki, merritt and John are also keeping an eye on several other developing situations, including Amy Poehler's podcasting career, everyone's favorite Rugrats, putting a bath over your bath, whether Jamba Juice still exists, Law & Order's latest murder, the Billboard Top 100, the most racist thing merritt's ever done, the Wheel, and homie, somehow even more.

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Gasoline Pie

Mon, 12 May 2025 07:00:00 GMT

With Niki and merritt installed as America's new Gas Czar(s), John struggles to adapt to the new normal of gasoline freestyle machines. Meanwhile, the group is also enlisted to solve a number of scientific quandaries, including whether Sandman from comics (not that one) cums sand, why you should respect the superhuman abilities of Ariel from The Little Mermaid trilogy, what to make of a special jpeg from Jordan, and somehow, even more.

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Monkey Breeders List - Digital File

Mon, 05 May 2025 07:00:00 GMT

It's the first day of merrit's extended speaking engagement at Drivey's Ed, and to celebrate she briefs John and Niki on a number of pressing topics that she hopes to cover during her stay, including her upcoming stint as Prime Minster of Canada, the specifics of that gorilla question that's going around, Niki's weekend at the country music festival, cows the size of NERDS® Candy, and pardner, somehow even more.

Music by Jordan Mallory. Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

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With My Mouth Hand

Mon, 28 Apr 2025 07:00:00 GMT

LB, Niki and John. You know them, you love them, and one of them was forced to do crowd work as a child, but you'll have to listen to find out which. We also learn about a certain someone's shameful gas buying habits ("Don't tell anyone I top off!"), the secret truth about escape rooms, a Sailor Scout you've never heard of, value-added fungus, and somehow even more.

Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://bsky.app/profile/jordo.bsky.social) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/). Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

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Facts About 'The Pitt'

Mon, 21 Apr 2025 07:00:00 GMT

LB, Niki and John, placed on this Earth to perform one task, must continue their great effort by first dealing with LB's overstretched plantar, the existence of the "chicken jockey" and what effect saying the phrase "chicken jockey" to one's parents might have, the music they're playing our children in PE class, if Ghost Adventures is real, the return of Scam Text Theater, and homies, so much more.

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To Us, You’re Already Bald

Mon, 14 Apr 2025 07:00:00 GMT

It's time once again for LB, John and Niki to do their usual thang and solve all of the world's problems in just over an hour. This week, our heroes discuss batteries, different ways of making oats, the Burger King's relationship with Ronald McDonald, writing in cursive, why they not have ketchup in glass bottle anymore, hooking up your new chair, penis music, and as expected, somehow even more.

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Hey King, You Are the King

Mon, 07 Apr 2025 07:00:00 GMT

Back in the saddle and blasting indiscriminately, John, Niki and LB gather their various dogs for a ruff-riding romp through a number of discussion topics, which include (but are not limited to) the mural at Johnny Rockets, the Quibi guy, watching Who Framed Roger Rabbit while standing outside of a FUBU, British people and their historical chants, The Rock and how he "ruins things," and despite our best efforts, somehow even more.

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Adventures Doomsday

Mon, 31 Mar 2025 07:00:00 GMT

Niki, John and LB chew the fat -- the HORSE fat, that is!!! -- in this wacky new installment of our madcap program. I don't know how you guys LISTEN to this stuff!! XD Not only does LB debut a brand-new segment, but this episode also touches on some really wild and unpredictable nonsense, like the correlation between sandwich length and disease severity, Reddit's secret "third measurement," dogs with prehensile tails, whether lying to your doctor "counts" or not, and Onii-chan? Somehow even more.

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Rat Bar

Mon, 24 Mar 2025 07:00:00 GMT

With Niki trapped aboard the San Francisco Space Station, local hero Charles Harte steps in to "fill the void" and help LB and John answer some of the biggest questions facing today's Sleepy Americans, including if anyone has ever fucked The Big Apple Coaster at New York-New York Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas, how hot farts are, the biggest poop ever recorded, contracting Hantavirus, whether the bathroom attendant knows if this building is haunted, and folks? Somehow even more.

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Blood Laundering

Mon, 17 Mar 2025 07:00:00 GMT

This week John, Niki and LB, in a show of unity and strength against mounting opposition forces, take scam dog food makers to task for making scam dog foods. They also launch a radical new campaign designed to end conversations they don't want to participate in; usher in a new age of cyber skeletons for those in need; put a stop to the miserable toil of "doing stuff," and a number of other policy goals.

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All Women (Plus Tony)

Mon, 10 Mar 2025 07:00:00 GMT

LB, Niki, John, Jack and Dianne all convene at the local Tastee-Freez to suck on some chili dogs and talk shop, which this week includes John's trade to the Lakers, Niki's new state of being, Steve's last iPod, interchangeable company names, pivoting to PETA, The Wiggles™, trying to meet Wolfgang Puck in 2025, and honestly dude, so much more that I don't want to spoil it.

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You’re a Wild Rebel Sexy Hot Adult Woman

Mon, 03 Mar 2025 08:00:00 GMT

John, LB and Niki peruse the menu of life and choose a number of appetizing topics to sate their hunger for discussion, including LB's new towels, hanging out with BTS, another installment of Scam Text Theater, the complete plot of The Substance (so spoiler warning obvs), if Aaron Sorkin wrote Dawson's Creek, our definitive ranking of the Barenaked Ladies, more drug physics, and y'all? Somehow even more.

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The No Clean List

Mon, 24 Feb 2025 08:00:00 GMT

Niki, LB and John waste no time this week, immediately casting aside pretense and delving straight into a number of pertinent and pressing topics, including "what if Tylenol goes woke," two new kinds of hyper-localized lottery, the specific kind of Weird™ that people get about celebrities like Natalie Portman and Milana Vayntrub, the details of our upcoming Super Bowl commercial, the return of Scam Text Theater (!!), secrets of the human tooth, and yes, somehow even more.

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This Machine Knocks Big Glasses of Water Over

Mon, 17 Feb 2025 08:00:00 GMT

It's Valentine's Day (when we're recording, at least), so obviously LB, Niki and John have to talk about hallway shoes, the "prison walrus trap," an upsetting development concerning LB's enormous glass of iced water, Chucky, the ongoing popularity of Furby-brand toys, dating a ghost, animal genetics and, as a special treat, somehow even more.

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shoes.help

Mon, 10 Feb 2025 08:00:00 GMT

John, LB (congratulations LB!) and Niki strap on their ballerina fetish heels and dance around a number of pressing topics, including if the ear is a hole, household expiration dates, denim jeans, LB's new fruit, how hard it may or may not be to "change red to blue, in genetics," counting your apples before they hatch, the inevitable Paul brothers turn to Christianity, and y'all? Somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan "The Sticks" Mallory (https://bsky.app/profile/jordo.bsky.social) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving (edited)

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Signs of Depression in My Chicken???

Mon, 03 Feb 2025 08:00:00 GMT

Each suffering from their own unique set of cosmic ailments, and yet somehow still undeterred from their podcasting duties, Niki, John and LB crack open a cold one and talk turkey (or rather, chickens) for their weekly get-together, which you're all invited to! Topics of discussion during this salon include (but are not limited to) building a tower to get around Los Angeles zoning regulations, the plot of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (sort of), the fuckin' pizza that's cold with no cheese on it, Will Smith's latest single, and thankfully, somehow even more.

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They Got a New Woman

Mon, 27 Jan 2025 08:00:00 GMT

John, Niki and LB, who are all doing great right now, attempt to harness some of their ongoing good fortune and use it to solve the world's problems, which include (but are not limited to): Recognizing currency denominations by feel, depositing hundreds of thousands of dollars into a drive-through ATM, the current state of CityWalk at Universal Studios, listening to the radio in 2025, necessary overhauls to the pharmaceutical industry, dog mysteries, and my darlings, somehow even more.

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Horse Crushed! At the Breast Ska

Mon, 20 Jan 2025 08:00:00 GMT

LB and Niki, now back home after temporary displacement by the fires in Los Angeles, are joined by local best friend John to catch up on everything they missed in the interim, including the real purpose behind John Cena's jorts, LB's new chair problem, old-timey boobs, Niki's experience at a local video games exposition, how blinking is kissing for your eyelids, an extended segment where we just look at reddit for a while, huge spoilers for the film Nope and the medical drama House, and homies, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan "The Sticks" Mallory (https://bsky.app/profile/jordo.bsky.social) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

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FolgersCast Episode 1

Mon, 06 Jan 2025 08:00:39 GMT

It's our first episode of 2025 and things are already off to an uproarious start, with Niki, LB and John locked in for what may be our funniest episode yet of 2025! In addition to everyone's New Year's Resolutions™, the gang also spend a lot of time talking about Miller High Life, the lore behind Grey's Anatomy (hospital show ver.), the best and worst beers according to a website Niki made when they were eight months old, the Dog War, and hot damn y'all, somehow even more.

Wwho are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://bsky.app/profile/jordo.bsky.social) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

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H-O-T-T-O-T-O

Mon, 23 Dec 2024 08:00:41 GMT

It's the final episode of 2024! To celebrate the holidays and ring in the New Year, LB, Niki and John drink deeply from their cups of nog and first question who actually killed JFK, before turning to even more festive topics such as the ongoing construction on Niki's house, remaking Schindler's List, Texas Ellen, piss pants rights, LB's Xanga posts, why there aren't any new Christmas songs, where France is located, VH1 Divas, and like a sparkling gift from ol' Saint Nick, somehow even more.

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Which Birds Are Catholic

Mon, 16 Dec 2024 08:00:44 GMT

John, Niki and LB HUNKTEARS WHO IS ON THIS PODCAST embrace the holiday spirit by discussing LB's fun new allergy to Christmas trees, the stockings their in-laws sent over, Niki's new beef with friend of the show Michael Higham, John's made-up list of "traditional things" that go in a stocking, Bob Dylan, lip balm you can eat, whether Mrs. Claus is sexually active on the same level as Mr. Claus, and folks, somehow even more.

Buy Fledgling Manor on Steam or itch.io!

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Dolo & Ganbana

Mon, 09 Dec 2024 08:00:26 GMT

This podcast, which routinely features LB HUNKTEARS, also has John Warren and Niki Grayson, who this week discuss the following topics: Using a saw to paint a house, Niki's driving habits, cocaine, jungle laboratories, Larry King's relationship with Nancy Reagan, regularly scheduled steroids talk, best sex pheromones for men attract hot women, and somehow even more. LB HUNKTEARS LB HUNKTEARS LB HUNKTEARS LB HUNKTEARS LB HUNKTEARS LB HUNKTEARS LB HUNKTEARS LB HUNKTEARS

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Van Helsing's Orb

Mon, 25 Nov 2024 08:00:06 GMT

With Niki back on assignment, literal superhero Michael Higham fights and defeats a power outage and storm in order to join LB and John for this week's episode. And aside from being the first-ever Drivey Award Winner for Bravest Guest, Michael also gets to talk about Stevie Wonder, all-terrain wheelchairs, falling in front of the babes, if The Rock "knew about Bin Laden," LB's idea for a WNBA movie, semen retention, John's electric mousepad, and somehow, even more.

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The Beach That Makes You Sell Your Spit

Mon, 18 Nov 2024 08:00:11 GMT

Niki is back and not a moment too soon, as LB and John have prepared what may be our wettest episode yet in celebration of their return. Well, "prepared" might be a strong word for anything that happens on this show, but the gang does get right back to business by discussing a new(?) kind of concert venue, selling your spit, pants, a scary thing that happened to Niki while driving several years ago, Mustard Man and Ketchup Kid, Elijah Wood, and homies, somehow even more.

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Where's Vatican 2?

Mon, 11 Nov 2024 08:00:47 GMT

With Niki out on assignment, Michael Higham joins John and LB for our most cum-tastic episode since *checks notes* the last time Michael was here. But fear not, the gang also talks about regular basketball, beach basketball, the origin of the term "skeet," warning signs to watch for when hanging out with Catholics, that really tall drink you can get in Las Vegas, LB's cool mom, John's soft announcement of his plans to run for Congress, and sweetheart, somehow even more.

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Brazilian Butt Life

Mon, 04 Nov 2024 08:00:54 GMT

Will Halloween in the rearview and Election Day upon us, Niki, LB and John try to iron out the few remaining wrinkles in American politics by addressing such hot-button issues as elf feet, Turkish hair transplant surgery, World Series Champions "The Dodgers," the power of prayer, a legendary and dead Australian horse, asses, and even a brand-new game from Niki and LB, along with a whole lot more.

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Four Swipes to Get to House

Mon, 28 Oct 2024 07:00:25 GMT

Niki, LB and John skillfully walk through a docket of challenging and pertinent issues facing today's Sleepy Americans, such as the form and function of a joke, firefighters who also have to fight lions, whether basketball has a home on this podcast, a quick sidebar, an approximation of the plot of 1982's The Thing, a fun theme restaurant Niki went to, filming on silver nitrate, and as you've come to expect, somehow even more.

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Pat's Gone

Mon, 21 Oct 2024 07:00:32 GMT

With LB once again helping the stranded astronauts aboard the International Space Station, local hero merritt k steps in to help Niki and John navigate this week's most challenging conversation topics, including Niki's ruined floors, ants, the weird guy movies of the early 2000s, getting all of your "yellow juice" extracted, penis rejuvenation therapy, a game that you can wishlist on Steam right now, the latest Wheel of Fortune conspiracy theories, and thankfully, so much more.

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So It’s a Lot Like Scrubs?

Mon, 14 Oct 2024 07:00:00 GMT

John, Niki and LB ask some important questions about blood and the people who take it from us, before moving on to some more relatable, everyday topics such as the funny underwear that Borat wears, roller coaster safety ratings, being "famous contemporarily with a horse, when a dog ate a human heart on that one TV show, the potential dangers of hiring the nation's favorite buddies for commercial advertisements, and if you're still with us, somehow even more.

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JOMO

Mon, 07 Oct 2024 07:00:05 GMT

Niki, LB and John put down their PSLs long enough to recording a brand-new episode of your favorite podcast, discussing such seasonally appropriate topics as which 90s sitcoms are the most Jewish, tips for dealing with "truculent teens," John's dishwasher installation story, "childhood trauma objects," if hats need instructions, witnessing crimes while traveling, and folks? You bet your sweet ass there's more.

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Harry's Law

Mon, 30 Sep 2024 07:00:08 GMT

Hey folks it's Jordan, the producer! Normally I sit in on these recordings so I can give y'all a synopsis in the eppy description here, but this time I didn't do that! Because of all the ants in my apartment! So we're gonna listen to this episode together, okay? It'll be a fun bonding experience for us. I hope you're excited about getting bonded!!!!!

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Neo Hamburger

Mon, 23 Sep 2024 07:00:34 GMT

Damn girl, 100 episodes? Believe it. To celebrate, Niki, John and LB look to the future of our program by discussing a number of topics, including the potential affects of attending NYU on Baron Trump, LB's bad experience with loophole weed, if Mario from video games had a diaper, the age at which you "forget all your stuff," Niki's attempts at emailing a mall for information about a closed fast food franchise, and dude, somehow so much more.

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The Magnificent Albertsons

Mon, 16 Sep 2024 07:00:19 GMT

John, LB and Niki prepare for their upcoming 100th episode by first questioning the validity of their 99th episode, then pivoting to a number of topics not entirely unfamiliar to the program, including prison tattoo technology, loose orbs for your desk, salty licorice, the food fads of yore, making viral videos "dog friendly," step-by-step instructions for committing felony bank fraud, and if you're still hungry, somehow even more.

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Subjective Pleasantness Index

Mon, 09 Sep 2024 07:00:21 GMT

LB returns from space and is appalled by what they discover: John and Niki, exactly the same as ever. Unfortunately for LB, the podcast's mystical properties immediately begin working to erode any perspective or normalcy that they acquired during their working hiatus. You will be pleased to know that topics of discussion for this episode include Al Roker's diaper guy, a complete plot summary for The Usual Suspects, Mario's greatest challenge yet, and just like always, somehow a lot more.

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Your Own Piss on Your Own Terms

Mon, 02 Sep 2024 07:00:59 GMT

With LB still trapped in space, Niki and John are joined by #1 Drivey Superfan Michael Higham for a fun-filled romp through a variety of salient discussions, including a beer bong for piss, whether or not Caillou is "just bald," the racial demographics of Ireland, carrying a knife in Big 5 Sporting Goods, how they get the lotion in the tissues, gambling, and in ways you're not ready for, somehow so much more.

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Thicker Kool-Aid

Mon, 26 Aug 2024 07:00:59 GMT

John went up to rescue LB from the International Space Station and got himself also stuck in the process, so this week Niki is joined by friend of the show Charles Harte to discuss a wide variety of topics, including (but not limited to) flat tummy water, bread with seeds in it, girl-related juice, Charles' "anti-Karen" mom, leaving reviews for things, reading reviews for other things, buying microphones from TikTok, and somehow, yes, even more.

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You Love to See It

Mon, 19 Aug 2024 07:00:35 GMT

Hey folks! In case you missed it, new episodes now happen on Monday! Happy Monday! Also LB is trapped in space for a few weeks but that's not a permanent change, so don't worry. We've got a lot of fun guests to help out over the next couple weeks, including me, Jordan, the producer, who is on the show this week! I tend to make the show less funny with my sincerity but I think y'all will still have a good time with this one. :)

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Dumb Sh*t My Grandson Loves

Fri, 02 Aug 2024 22:30:25 GMT

John, LB and Niki press onward despite a number of seemingly insurmountable challenges, including the return of Scam Text Theater (feat. Reginald Thimbleberry), getting a colonoscopy, jerking off with L. Ron Hubbard, distractingly large famous penises, official communique from the State Department, and against all odds, somehow even more.

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Good Doctor, Young Sheldon

Fri, 26 Jul 2024 07:00:14 GMT

Hi this is Jordan!! I wasn't around for the recording of this one and all LB said is "warnings for spoilers of Manhunter and idk what else," so you're on your own for this one folks! Hope it turns out okay! Thanks and sorry!

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St. Homo's Private School

Fri, 19 Jul 2024 07:00:06 GMT

Niki, LB and John discuss the need for change in America's relationship with its own milquetoast national anthem, in addition to related topics, such as the price of Prozac, new innovations in scrotum technology, the Batman Returns iteration of Catwoman, being Johnest with each other, and predictably, somehow even more.

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How Old Is Walt Disney When He “Comes Out”

Fri, 12 Jul 2024 07:00:58 GMT

John, Niki and LB go the extra mile this week by proving evolution, showcasing their incredible psychic powers, taking the time to look at and think about breasts while live on a podcast, exposing the Coors nuclear waste controversy, making the world-first announcement of a new Shrek film, and if you can believe it, somehow even more.

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Y tu tennis también

Fri, 05 Jul 2024 07:00:43 GMT

Remember, remember the 5th of Julember ...

(In this episode LB, Niki and John [all best friends] discuss where "it" goes "after butthole," the Ben Shapiro that escaped containment, the rules of being a ghost, Reba, the legitimacy of antibiotic warnings, the Cisco Groove, and reluctantly, somehow even more.)

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Primitives by Kathy Box

Fri, 28 Jun 2024 07:00:09 GMT

LB, Niki and John crest the final apex of Gimmick Month, playing a brand-new game of Niki's design, pushing friendships to the limit and making us rethink everything we know about the 2008 Beijing Summer Olympics. Other topics of discussion include (but are not limited to) Christian for-profit universities, Hootie & the Blowfish, sex ramps, tinned fish, and with our arms wide, somehow even more.

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Shronker (Second Annual White Off)

Fri, 21 Jun 2024 07:00:57 GMT

Gimmick Month continues with The Second Annual White Off, where we see which of our four contestants is the whitest. Once that's settled (the results will SHOCK YOU), Niki, LB and John also discuss serving cunt in the chicken line, whether curling "has balls," hanging out with Jenny Nicholson, whether you can "get one out of a dead guy," John's recent horrible hotel experience, and predictably, somehow even more.

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Master Chief Beach Week

Fri, 14 Jun 2024 07:00:44 GMT

Gimmick month continues with our first-annual Master Chief Beach Week, the replacement holiday full of sand, sun and fun! Or that's what the copy says anyway, in practice it's mostly talk about the various ways that white people ruin the beach without even enjoying it themselves, in addition to various diversions concerning bumper stickers, scented markers, what a Halo even is actually, the names of various guys from Halo, and you can bet your little space pants, somehow even more.

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Meat the Plants

Fri, 07 Jun 2024 07:00:41 GMT

John, Niki and LB are all in the same place! Wowie zowie! That means an in-person recording, which also means the audio is a little roomier than usual, but the vibes are still just like you like 'em! Topics of discussion for this week include (but are not limited to) the world of dreams, emotionally insensitive burlesque performers, Dan Ryckert's upcoming zone scoop, True Detective Season 2, leaving a five-star review on a podcast called If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, and somehow, even more.

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How Much to Make the The Mask (1994) Mask Work

Fri, 31 May 2024 07:00:42 GMT

John, Niki and LB ascend the Gender Tower for an episode that's going to be just as much of a surprise for you as it is for me, because I haven't heard it yet! Also featuring a surprise visit from Former Chief Medical Advisor to the President of United States Anthony Fauci. Oh no!

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Shameful Crunching Bird

Fri, 24 May 2024 07:00:23 GMT

Teetering on the edge of oblivion, four friends (three regular and one frog) embark on a sacred journey of personal discovery. During their travels, the group discusses many topics of importance, including why Jon Bon Jovi cheated on his wife, what the white lady from TikTok is up to these days, the various slogans of Outback Steakhouse, which birds are/aren't birds, and demonstrably, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://bsky.app/profile/jordo.bsky.social) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dwyane Wade’s Woke Cube

Fri, 17 May 2024 07:00:58 GMT

It's John. It's Niki. It's LB. It's all three of them, and they're here, being as smart and drunk as ever, talking about the things YOU care about most, including a brand-new legal system for punishments, the hairy teeter, the history of Atlantis, the long-awaited return of Scam Text Theater, notes for John's acting skills, tall buildings, and somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Artist’s Dilemma

Fri, 10 May 2024 07:00:37 GMT

In what is perhaps our most cracked episode to date, LB, Niki and John struggle to overcome a well of extreme negative energy by playing jenga, inventing new uses for numbers stations, selling phone numbers for more ketamine, re-learning Flonase, answering a telemarketer call live on the podcast, and against all odds, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

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Functionally Identical to One Another

Fri, 03 May 2024 07:00:19 GMT

With LB on a Hero's Journey through the bowels of Hell, John and Niki once again conscript Producer Jordan into the triumvirate of intellect that is If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes. Topics of discussion for this meeting include (but are not limited to) the contents of John's most recent stress dream, carbon monoxide poisoning, ape films, photos of odd occurrences that Jordan has experienced recently, a "real brief" explanation of the complete history of Transformers, and even without trying, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Grandson

Fri, 26 Apr 2024 07:00:15 GMT

LB, Niki and John, having achieved unparalleled success as super-famous TikTok influencers, return to their humble podcasting roots for another round of important discussions, including (but not limited to) how much of acting is just demon possession, that Drew Carey tweet, white people music, discovering the source of 95% of the stress in LB's life, and dude, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I Want to Give You $700

Fri, 19 Apr 2024 07:00:44 GMT

With John trapped in the 1990s, producer Jordan joins Niki and LB for the typical weekly slate of activities, which includes inventing new kinds of gambling, coming up with a new big titty anime lady-based form of financial investment, peeing into the little cup, Niki's new friend Juliette, and somehow ... even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ducks in the Hood

Fri, 12 Apr 2024 07:00:36 GMT

With Jordan back on the sticks, LB, John and Niki return to their regular work of discussing the most pressing issues facing today's Sleepy Americans, including the existential pain of being in the audience for bad comedy, the dire comments on our good TikToks, heroin as a venture investment, the good ol' days of file sharing, the best grass for where you live, Snoopy and how great he is, the American flag, and somehow, even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Demonstration of Licking, Eating, and Drinking

Fri, 05 Apr 2024 07:00:39 GMT

With Jordo away at a sensual conference for banjo frogs, the gang are actually pretty well-behaved. We talk about water bottles, the very worst songs we know, cereal, gifts for kids, and probably even more. I don't remember. Jordo usually writes these and knows what we talked about in the episode. Frankly I'm not sure. It's probably funny though. Hopefully.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I Want to Eat Metal

Fri, 29 Mar 2024 07:00:49 GMT

With Niki trapped in the labyrinthine tunnels beneath the Boston Convention and Exhibition Center, emergency reserve friend merritt k joins LB and John to discuss websites about eating metal, Bigfoot's dick, an interesting car LB spotted and its resulting bevy of secrets, who we would impersonate if we were to impersonate a celebrity, the secret to a successful marriage, sexy entertainment value, and somehow, even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A Million Monkeys Typing in a Room

Fri, 22 Mar 2024 07:00:12 GMT

LB, Niki and John open their ongoing notes document and attack this week's agenda, which includes John's new screenplay idea, a new crops-based gambling venture, solving Bruno Mars' gambling debt situation, finding new tax loopholes, addressing the issue of how many years there are, LB's dog's secret Facetime calls to John, a really unfortunate hamburger, and kitten, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What Can You Do with a Giraffe

Fri, 15 Mar 2024 07:00:00 GMT

John, LB and Niki take a trip down memory lane, reminiscing over what it was like to live in the era of "the TV is on," in addition to nuanced discussions of softcore pornography; John's dog's ballsack; sending butthole pics to Matt; if Starbucks had a conversation pit; soaking; the return of MAUL WATCH; Niki's Tiktok dream; and darlin', somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Body Part of a White Person

Fri, 08 Mar 2024 08:00:07 GMT

The crying sky of Los Angeles, which cannot be consoled, will not prevent LB, Niki and John from discussing the various ongoing perils surrounding one of history's greatest sports (video games), in addition to Niki's mounting CPAP debt; bog standard cheating on your wife stuff; getting AMPED; lesbians!!!; if bus is car; more quality products from the fine folks at Temu; and my sweet summer child, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Adult Woman Pageant

Fri, 01 Mar 2024 08:00:11 GMT

Niki and LB help an extremely sleepy John overcome his post-flight fatigue by discussing the mysterious woman he saw at the airport; the food in New Orleans; Niki's new best friend Kelly 🤝; LB getting they German passport; if Scandal was made for $10; using Cameo to ask questions questions of the people reading messages on Cameo; and if you can believe it, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'll Eat Your Onions?

Fri, 23 Feb 2024 08:00:00 GMT

LB, Niki and John solve the mystery of "what's True Detective," while also tackling a number of simultaneous ongoing cases, including that Britney Spears video where she dies and turns into a baby; LB's great sandwich-based TV show idea; if you can or cannot get pastrami "everywhere;" whether it's easier to get a pumpkin or a tuna; the #1 fragrance icon that follows the teachings of Jesus; and if you're up for it, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Lest I Piss on My Dog

Fri, 16 Feb 2024 08:00:32 GMT

LB, John and Niki carve time from their busy schedules to tackle a handful of new issues facing America's Sleepiest Americans™, including hummingbird tongues, all the stuff they cut from the Bible, what happens to us after we die, Creed's 2001 Thanksgiving Day NFL Halftime Show, a Pokemon lawsuit, lying about limes, picking your daytime television rotation, and my dear lover, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

2 for $2X

Fri, 09 Feb 2024 08:00:29 GMT

John, LB and Niki continue their attempts at navigating an ongoing legal crisis involving Darth Maul and 30-65 missing children, while also discussing the best date ideas, skipping dating entirely, recovering from bad dates, trying to convince a group of friends with a horrible television that the version of Shrek you're watching has been remastered, and preposterously, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Give a Kid, Take a Kid

Fri, 02 Feb 2024 08:00:52 GMT

Niki, John and LB, who are no longer saying the name of the show for legal reasons, discuss the latest details of the missing children/Darth Maul situation; Palmdale, CA; robot-style Pinocchio; half of this podcast's love for Coheed and Cambria; Los Angeles highway lore; some sports guy's "beautiful ass;" and predictably, so much more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sorry You Missed Me

Fri, 26 Jan 2024 08:00:41 GMT

With Jordan back at the helm, LB, John and Niki discuss the density of psychics in southern California, an interesting van LB saw on the street recently, John's very normal Tiktok comment (and its implications for his general mental health situation), Scary Spice's lesbian power, the Oscars, 10 minutes of undocumented conversation where Jordan was using the bathroom, and somehow, so much more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Movies Tagged ‘Hole’

Fri, 19 Jan 2024 08:00:35 GMT

John, Niki and LB record without their producer, Jordan, who is sick this week. He's also the one who usually takes notes and writes these summaries, but again, he's sick, so, that's not happening. Genuinely no idea what's in this one folks, it could be our funniest episode to date and/or our most offensive -- there's only one way to find out.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Baby Deodorant

Fri, 12 Jan 2024 08:00:17 GMT

To help with the enormous legal fees we expect this year, LB, John and Niki present three new multi-level marketing programs that can help empower YOU while empowering us. They also discuss street marshmallows, the lawyer that rocks, going psycho mode on bevs in the disco, babe x wilbur AO3, making June a week shorter, and somehow, even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Mouseketeers, Alive and Dead

Fri, 05 Jan 2024 08:00:41 GMT

John, Niki and LB return from their long winter's nap, rejuvenated and ready to tackle the ongoing missing persons case involving Darth Maul and a few dozen children left in their care. On the way, they also discuss who has the sweetest sweat on the Clippers roster, John's word for the new year, going to Turkey for a hair transplant, whose death we'll will this year (allegedly (in Minecraft)), and if you can believe it, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Jump

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From Your Friends at Mc.P.P

Fri, 15 Dec 2023 08:00:57 GMT

In what might be considered a Reverse Christmas Miracle, LB, Niki and John and have lost all 30-65 children that reportedly attend Drivey's Ed., our montessori school for babies with rich parents. Since you can't have a Christmas Pageant without adorable kids, we instead initiate a last-minute pivot to the next best thing, which is buying gifts for each other and ourselves on Temu. We also learn that Jesus died in Boulder, CO, and that large mesh holes refuse to be stuffy. Happy holidays!

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Drivey's Ed. (UNLOCKED 2022 PATREON HOLIDAY SPECIAL!!)

Fri, 08 Dec 2023 22:58:27 GMT

Last year's Patreon-only Holiday special is now available to all! It's an eyes-closed miracle!! John, Niki and LB organize the upcoming children's holiday pageant at the charter school they've opened, If You're Driving Academy, also known affectionately to students as "Drivey's Ed." Hope you used the bathroom before you got here!

Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Toys for Men Mastabator

Fri, 01 Dec 2023 08:00:28 GMT

LB, John and Niki celebrate the long-awaited death of one of history's greatest monsters before moving on to a series of adjacent topics, including grammar rules for sports team names; who's on our Oceans 11 team; getting what you need; the psyop involving "these cups;" the nude figurines LB was talking about earlier; uncovering juicy secrets; the sexy poop scene from Jurassic World; and bros, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Gamblit Drinks His Own Juice

Fri, 24 Nov 2023 08:00:05 GMT

John, LB and Niki set aside their shared turkey sandwich long enough to digest a whole new buffet of controversial topics, including humidity in the city of New Orleans, what languages the owl knows, Gambit's custom turtleneck guy, items left behind on planes, the best place to get locally-grown tobacco in America, LB's growing concerns about Lyme disease, going to the doctor to reallocate your points, and my festive holiday shoppers, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Brad's Drink

Fri, 17 Nov 2023 08:00:37 GMT

With LB gone to perform important research aboard a haunted submersible, honorary fourth chair merritt k rejoins John and Niki to discuss a number of pressing topics, including crustacean-themed pornography; Bicentennial Man, various Brads (famous), the oldest thing(s) we would drink, "chicken of the forest" mushrooms, Todd Howard fanfic, and implausibly, so much more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Ballad of Chevy Chase

Fri, 10 Nov 2023 08:00:21 GMT

LB, Niki and John hit the paint and field a volley of incoming three-pointer discussion topics [Editor's note: idk basketball sorry], including Niki's theme song phase, the small lanky white men of 70s basketball, being big enough to survive being hit by Shaq, the very small group of people who write slash fiction about basketball players, Michael Jordan's Neverland, and I promise if you just hang in there, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Jigsaw’s Throat Spa

Fri, 03 Nov 2023 07:00:32 GMT

John, LB and Niki square off in the quartered octagon or w/e for a no holds barred showdown with colossal consequences, which is mostly just the same sort of lively discussion you've come to know and tolerate, including such topics as the Invisible Man, latex allergies, AI-generated salsa websites, experiencing true darkness in the bowels of the Earth, Niki Dip™, the delicious flavors you can get out of wood, and incredibly, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Digimon: Digital Monkey

Fri, 27 Oct 2023 07:00:14 GMT

Niki, John and LB leave the Digital World long enough to dissect a new slate of issues facings today's DigiDestined, including sneeze gooning; the unique allure of certain digivolutions; if anyone thinks the body is "made out of metal;" mutants; the latest basketball shirts; how Benjamin Button came out of the pussy; and if you can believe it, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

EXCLUSIVE: Normal Dick!

Fri, 20 Oct 2023 07:00:22 GMT

LB, Niki and John return to discuss a great number of the "many cool ideas out there," including lemonade mouth, Thelema, snowman fucking logistics, dogs hanging out with ghosts and vice versa, mpreg, Jenny Lewis, and despite the short description this week, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Here’s a Question I Have About Steroids

Fri, 13 Oct 2023 07:00:35 GMT

While attempting to buy steroids, John, Niki and LB uncover a new kind of crime enabled by Jeff's Big Store. The gang also discusses New Zealand's JPEG license plates, LB's usual Taco Bell order, which TV shows dogs like, velvet paintings, how people feel too safe on the streets these days, what's on the menu at your local A&W, and homie, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

11 Biting Incidents

Fri, 06 Oct 2023 07:00:09 GMT

LB, Niki and John head back to debate club to relitigate an important argument regarding the Property Brothers and their dicks, in addition to more general discussions regarding our general cultural fear of having our dick pop out during a video call, who lays the best/worst pipe; recycling pool noodles for Halloween costumes; costumes for husbands who are not "down;" President Biden's ACAB dogs; and homie, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Jeff Daniels the Whole Time

Fri, 29 Sep 2023 07:00:02 GMT

Despite ongoing technical and psychological issues, Niki, LB and John push through the podcasting morass to deliver what is undoubtedly one of the podcast episodes of all time, including discussions of Svengoolie; Niki's wooden dog (not Barley); what happens if you bring anime figures to the Antiques Roadshow; what counts as an orb; the latest Taylor Swift psyop; the top three most famous people in America as of Q2 2023; and because Jordan forced them to keep going, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Uber Driver with Bubonic Plague Sucked Me Off????!!?!

Fri, 22 Sep 2023 07:00:01 GMT

LB, John and Niki celebrate one whole year of the show by completely ignoring the milestone, instead focusing on getting the bubonic plague, getting the new vaccy, getting Big Bad Beetlepilled, getting the rats out of LB's car, getting a limb cut off in the Star Wars universe, getting breast implants in high-school, getting a low score on The IQ Test 2, and king, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Niki Sends a Deranged Email to an Accomplished Visual Effects Artist

Fri, 15 Sep 2023 07:00:23 GMT

John presents Niki and LB with his new plan for monetizing the podcast before topics diverge to other tangential matters, including the dangers of gambling, the idea of a verbal coupon code, the Sealab 2021 theme song, Dildo 101, whether Cathy (comics) and Daria (television) are the same, Niki's groundbreaking new Roku competitor, and by the grace of God, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Lost My Vape

Fri, 08 Sep 2023 07:00:17 GMT

50 episodes, baby!! To celebrate our big milestone Niki, John and LB do exactly the same thing as always and discuss multiple issues facing today's Sleepy Americans, including (but not limited to) the major design flaw with couches, putting their hands in garbage disposals, getting the dog washed, overhearing conversations about astrology and the societal disorder said conversations represent, LB's new headband, and somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Tunnels Is the Vibe When Funerals Is the Vibe

Fri, 01 Sep 2023 07:00:29 GMT

Niki, LB and John reconvene for more of what you have unfortunately come to expect, including discussions on the most relaxing types of crimes; LB's floofy new dragon; everyone's favorite cancelled musical artist; getting a boner during the atomic bomb movie; corn and corn-related topics; stealing sperm; and dude, you have no idea, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It Looks Like a Bog Dog

Fri, 25 Aug 2023 07:00:55 GMT

Niki returns from The Land Down Under with a boatload of jpegs and an Oceanic tale for each, regaling LB and merritt with stories of room temperature eggs; what cereal is called over there; the secret history of Melbourne; what President Bill Clinton had two of; regional gummy worm differences; the latest kpop drama; the upsetting mascot of Luna Park Sydney; and mate, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So You Think We Can Drive

Fri, 18 Aug 2023 07:00:02 GMT

merritt (normal), John (phoning in) and LB (normal) update us all on "the Neuticles situation," in addition to a wide variety of other pressing topics, including (but not limited to) what Yoda would order at Dairy Queen; the simultaneous invention of Dennis the Menace; what the name of our show is; sippin' cream; the worst things we would name a baby; living the mummy lifestyle, and homeslice, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

8 Kids Bedroom Design

Fri, 11 Aug 2023 07:00:09 GMT

John, merritt and LB waste no time getting to the gooey nougat center of this week's episode, kicking things off with merritt's Big Reveal™ and maintaining that momentum through discussions on whether crack is "cool;" spending time viewing an image; the "bow wow theory;" LB's fun new special interest; being beloved by many people and subjected to many infirmities; tiktoks about packing children into rooms; some late-breaking news at the end; and homie, if you can believe it, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Gordon Ramsay’s Real Ass

Fri, 04 Aug 2023 07:00:11 GMT

On this week's episode LB, merritt and John spend way more time talking about dog testicles than anyone would like, in addition to a number of somehow more palatable topics including all the boat words we know; which boats are "dick boats;" a guy LB met on the street this morning; the source of the wolfman problem; running into Trent Reznor somewhere; the secret gas station candy; toilet drones; and my sweet summer child, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

2023 Hunktears Yaoi Quiz Spectacular

Fri, 28 Jul 2023 07:00:46 GMT

It's time once again for IYDCYE's Annual Yaoi Quiz, where local Yaoi PhD LB Hunktears pits returning champion John Warren against maverick upstart merritt k, in a no-holds-barred battle where the only thing bigger than the stakes are the hands! During the quiz, our panel digests such yaoi-adjacent topics as John's secret ponytail, an IRA but for boning, which big titty MILF is also part of the Egyptian pantheon, LB's 20 Golden Tags, John's sweet new little puppy dog, and friends, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Cathleen Karate

Fri, 21 Jul 2023 07:00:24 GMT

Longtime friend of the show merritt k joins LB, Niki and John to investigate a number of controversial topics affecting today's Sleepy Americans, including the mystery of how whiskey is made, society's propensity to charge the "wrong crimes," the number of raptors in New York City, how wild the concept of a postcard is, who Howie Mandel is to you and me, new condom shapes, and at one point Niki draws the most deranged-looking horse anyone has ever seen within the totality of extant time.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

“Weird Al” Geria

Fri, 14 Jul 2023 07:00:46 GMT

LB, Niki and John celebrate Bastille Day by discussing Jackie Chan's White Grandpa (American), the life and times of Napoleon, the most dangerous alley in Los Angeles, building a gondola to Dodger's Stadium, cooking on a moving bus, who has the best assess in sports, hitting the pole vaulting pole with your penis bulge on the way over, designing a new and more rewarding kind of heroin, and my sweet little garden gnome, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

constitution_final_real.txt

Fri, 07 Jul 2023 07:00:49 GMT

Niki, LB and John are back to tackle some big, big problems facing modern-day Americans, including the drafting of several brand-new constitutional amendments, how an update of the United States Constitution is physically performed, small bubble wrap vs. large bubble wrap, adding sexual encounters as a tracked statistic in the NBA, what the "coolest move" in the Bible was, Jesus' teen years, rolling up to the Gamestop with some scrolls, and my child, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Smooth Week 2023

Fri, 30 Jun 2023 07:00:37 GMT

You've waited an entire year and it's finally time -- Smooth Week is back. Join John, Niki and LB for a deep dive on the true meaning behind Santana's 1999 latin alt rock classic, featuring complex lyrical analysis, contextualized historical research, comparisons between "Smooth" and other important pieces of art (the Mona Lisa, all of Chinese history), a debate on which season is "for fucking," LB's story about getting bitten by a stranger at the Chipotle, and my muñequita, even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Erykah Badu Sand Magic

Fri, 23 Jun 2023 07:00:38 GMT

Welcome to If You’re Gaming, Close Your Eyes, an esports discussion salon where our hosts LB, John and Niki tackle the latest announcements out of Nintendo, along with our review of Grimace's cum; thoughts on the movies Crash and Crash; whether Nic Cage is Italian or not; how familiar fame works; opinions about Goemon (Ganbare ver.); which Pokemon we would smoke; and bb, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The 2023 Corrections & Apologies Episode

Fri, 16 Jun 2023 05:58:32 GMT

Gimmick Month continues with The 2023 Corrections & Apologies Episode, wherein John, Niki and LB set the record straight on a number of falsehoods and misinformations they perpetrated over the course of the last year (rolling). Gonna be honest, some of these apologies aren't as sincere as I would have probably recommended, but when you make as few mistakes as these hosts do, you gotta take what you can get.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 6'11", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The First Annual White Off

Fri, 09 Jun 2023 07:00:54 GMT

Gimmick Month is here!! To kick things off Niki has invented a brand new game called White, White, White, or White, which seeks to determine which of our two white hosts -- LB and John -- is the whitest of the white! What is their relationship to boats? Can either of them name the primary cast of Sex and the City? Has anyone in their respective families ever owned a pickup truck? Find out!!

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Tounge-y Hawk’s Pro Skater

Fri, 02 Jun 2023 07:00:06 GMT

LB, John and Niki engage in a new series of investigations and queries, including where nasal spray goes, sinus voyeurism, 3D-printing teeth, buying a house via fraud, a free logo that you can buy for $5 for your foots business, the lamp they want you to put your dick in, how many holes there are, a "smart" dental dam, and homie, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Smeagolwatch

Fri, 26 May 2023 07:00:42 GMT

John, LB and Niki take off their weighted training clothes and reach conversational power levels heretofore only theorized during discussions of the new Gollum game, simple machines, whether the sun is "wet," Michael Strahan’s Million Hundred Dollar Pyramid, the new duck in New York, and my sweet, innocent listeners, so much more than you could possibly be ready for.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

CharlLLLLLLston

Fri, 19 May 2023 07:00:54 GMT

John, Niki and LB phone in from their field assignments for another mission debriefing with headquarters, including a breakdown of John's latest public wheelchair-related incident, a spoiler-free minute on the new Zelda game, a look at the poster for some new movie about shoes, a discussion on whether blimps count as balloons, a brief consideration of when to tell your dog about Orson Scott Card, and homeslice, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dream Of Shrimp in the River

Fri, 12 May 2023 07:00:55 GMT

Niki, John and LB enter a vast and unknowable dreamscape of possibility, wherein they discuss The Good Doctor, creating jobs in the state of Ohio, how much water ChatGPT uses, dreaming about having an egg in your mouth, ancient dream dictionaries from the 1930s, TikTok cutting board misinformation, and homie, so much more that I am purposefully omitting so as to not spoil the punchline(s).

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What’s at Bank? Fruit.

Fri, 05 May 2023 07:00:13 GMT

Fresh off the court, LB, Niki and John dribble through our most basketballsome episode yet, featuring discussions on when large boy catch ball with big hand, which of us LeBron would like the most, why microwaving a cucumber "feels violent," where to find the sickest burn surgeons, thinking up new, more respectful nicknames for Anthony Davis, watching the Mario movie on Twitter, and after the halftime performance, even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Shard on Barble in the Bable Chamber

Fri, 28 Apr 2023 07:00:22 GMT

LB, Niki and John shard on the barble in the bable chamber. There's also a prolonged segment about playing with knives on-air and Jokering the Scrub Daddy, but nobody gets hurt so don't get stressed while listening okay? It's fine. LB has a degree from Knife University so they know what they're doing.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Which Side Was the Cannon On?

Fri, 21 Apr 2023 07:00:39 GMT

Fresh from the wilds of real life, Niki, LB and John settle in for a rousing discussion of their recent exploits and related topics, including Niki's Grandma's bappy, John's trip to a vile confederate steakhouse/Bass Pro Shop, whether a pyramid is harder to exit than a normal building, that food quiz going around, Christ's involvement in motorsports, eating fish from the LA river, and my darling, even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Creams Creams Creams Creams Creams Creams

Fri, 14 Apr 2023 07:00:46 GMT

As LB, John and Niki settle in for this season's surgery draft, they also discuss Carrot Top's "buff days," hats that make you look like you had a facelift, modern developments in oral hygiene, the concept of "medical jurisdiction," being the world's leading engineer of things of this nature, defrauding the elderly, stickers on garbage trucks, potentially haunted bananas, and my lil chickadee, so much more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Protect Yourself From Becoming

Fri, 07 Apr 2023 07:00:44 GMT

Special guest Colette Arrand joins Niki, LB and John for our most vascular episode yet, discussing last weekend's Wrestlemania event and related issues, including which muscles are the "straight man" ones, Vince's new mustache, the dark secret hidden within the theme from Cheers, how Mario would fair in the UFC, LB's Pixar body count, multiple bad cruise options, and brother, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SXSW²: All Dogs Go to Heaven

Fri, 31 Mar 2023 07:00:50 GMT

LB, Niki and John reconvene for one of their furriest recording sessions to date, wherein they discuss performing wrestling moves on dogs, the events of All Dogs Go to Heaven 2, sexy birds, Niki's exciting new tech/multimedia conference, self-driving microphones, what a think tank is/does, an important thought experiment about cranking it, and if you can believe it, even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Rugrats Ego Death

Fri, 24 Mar 2023 07:00:49 GMT

Niki, LB and John reconvene to discuss another week's worth of pressing issues, including everyone's fun new lies, Tom Hanks' filmography, houseboats, what constitutes a "boat movie," LB's great Rick & Morty impressions, changes for a Survivor reboot, Jessica Rabbit, IRL Tommy Pickles, 9/11, and somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dig Doug (Feat. Young Driller)

Fri, 17 Mar 2023 07:00:54 GMT

John, Niki, LB and Texas John gather for their regularly scheduled discussion salon, this week featuring such diverse topics as an XFL game that Niki watched, going to 7-Eleven, how many of those gold boys GDT has, edible arrangements, the creepy porno guy, The Office from TV, and I know this description is shorter than usual but trust me sweetheart, even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Ghost Union

Fri, 10 Mar 2023 08:00:04 GMT

Niki, LB and John set a new record for "time until talking about both Shrek and cum" on this week's episode, which also includes discussions of Kitty Softpaws, whether "animals in shoes" is an inherently perverse concept, LB's Megan Traynor theory [Editor's note: I refuse to look up how to spell her name, sorry], whether every movie is a sequel to every previous movie, Niki's sandwich saga, Driveycon travel logistics, and somehow my love, even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1-888-377-3773

Fri, 03 Mar 2023 08:00:41 GMT

Home from his trip to LA, John reunites with Niki and LB to settle some unfinished business from his vacation, including the volume of phone numbers within arm's reach at all times, buying a patio set at Cost Plus World Market, Kenny Loggins' voice acting career, a new rule for the podcast, motorized unicycles for white people, genuine takes re: The Grammy Awards, LB's on-air attempt at buying BTS Suga concert tickets, and sweet-cheeks, even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

LIVE From the Cheesecake Factory

Fri, 24 Feb 2023 08:00:53 GMT

John, LB and Niki actually did the damn thing and recorded an episode inside the Cheesecake Factory at The Grove in Los Angeles, California.

NOTE FROM LB: "IT'S BEEN OVER 5 HOURS SINCE WE LEFT THE CHEESECAKE FACTORY AND I STILL HAVE HEARTBURN. DON'T DO WHAT I DO. LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES."

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dick & Click's Chicken

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 11:00:00 GMT

oh snap it's a niki edit

this week on the podcast we talk about ghost kitchens, city buses, and something else (even though i just finished editing the episode i don't remember). but it's a really good one i promise. give it a listen! tell your friends about the podcast

i made a bitly link so you can just give your friends a jumble of letters to get to the show: bit.ly/iydcye

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Way to Go, Jinger

Fri, 10 Feb 2023 08:00:42 GMT

LB, Niki and John combine their energy to produce almost two whole people's worth of podcasting ability, which they use to discuss having "the" doctor's appointment, KTLA's intellectual property theft from John and Niki, the Obamas not thinking "big enough," if the First Lady should be forced to host a television program, the Daytime Emmy awards, the current state of reality television on TLC, and sweetheart, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Shrek's Constitutional Rights

Fri, 03 Feb 2023 11:00:55 GMT

With our producer Jordo in the icy hell of Texas' privatized energy grid, your hosts were free to bully each other, discuss NASCAR's Clash at the Coliseum, investigate the legal implications of Shrek, and explore the "worst fandom in history" bracket. [Update: Jordo is back from hell and has replaced the original upload with a properly mixed version. If you heard the first MP3, congratulations!]

Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Shriek the Screaming Skeleton

Fri, 27 Jan 2023 08:00:34 GMT

Niki, John and LB experience true ego death within the bowels of "Design Toscano," where they discuss what a snifter is, whether Jesus will fit in the carry-on luggage, life after death, home furnishings available in "human bone finish," buck-naked Father Christmas, a multitude of sexy sculptures for your home or office, where "on the face does the face stop," temple maidens, and darling, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Snorkleman

Fri, 20 Jan 2023 08:00:04 GMT

John, LB and Niki bring a new set of issues to the table for discussion, including what qualifies as a broken bone, the film Risky Business, Don Cheadle's unsullied innocence, a special deal for new advertisers, how Jesus Christ figures into the whole alpha/beta/sigma thing, more than a decade's worth of forum posts about the cheesecake aboard Carnival cruises, and darling, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Wizard of Monty Christo

Fri, 13 Jan 2023 08:00:21 GMT

Niki, LB and John settle in for an afternoon chill sesh, during which they: evangelize the gamification of the Catholic Church; discuss the possibilities opened up by the death of non-compete agreements; take a brief sojourn to the realm of artificial intelligence; investigate various objects with their senses; determine their personal The Picture of Dorian Gray-esque cursed objects; remember getting stuck out in public with your typewriter; and sweetheart, even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Also Zack Zathura

Fri, 06 Jan 2023 08:00:53 GMT

John, Niki and LB are back from break and positively bursting with a rejuvenated vigor for podcasting, which they immediately put to use discussing the perks of being LB's best friend, Niki's new hobby buying coins off the TV, a LOT of talk about erectile dysfunction commercials, where Dr. Pepper comes from, LB and Niki's New Year's Resolutions, "the Instagram showerhead," the specs for our first automobile, a new yaoi quiz, and honey buns, somehow even more.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Avatar 4: Grohm Jabar

Fri, 16 Dec 2022 08:00:06 GMT

John subjects LB and Niki to a game show of his own design entitled What Happened in 2009?, which is exactly what it sounds like. This causes our intrepid trio to discuss the Avatar pentalogy, what kinds of shoes people wore on the Titanic (if any), bad question design, Balloon Boy, a very unorthodox use for a screwdriver, and kitten, even more.

Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Chegg, Cregg, Gregg or Pegg

Fri, 09 Dec 2022 08:00:41 GMT

John, Niki and LB return to the content mines to trudge up a fresh batch of insightful and witty conversations about prescient topics affecting modern society, including Niki's fun new game show, whether Huey Lewis is on Cameo, LB's fun new game show, John's fun new game show, everyone's favorite Price is Right games, dark dating show concepts, shooting four epic guns (perfect for families), the menu at Sapphire Las Vegas Pool Party Grill, and you bet your sweet bippy, even more.

Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Education City and Niki Grayson Birthday Special

Fri, 02 Dec 2022 08:00:08 GMT

It's Niki's bappy!! To celebrate, the gang returns to their ancestral birthplace, Education City, Qatar, for a regal symposium focusing on such diverse topics as procedural television shows, holographic airport women, the World Cup, DILF-era Bill Goldberg, Niki's ongoing malpractice issues, streaming from the airport, the latest Official Enemy of the Show declaration, and baby, even more.

Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ask Your Dickensian Girlfriend Anything!

Fri, 25 Nov 2022 08:00:21 GMT

It's Black Friday here in the ol' US of A, and to mark this bleak occasion the Niki, LB and John discuss a wide range of unrelated topics, including Niki's new obsession with "miniature airplanes," digging a hole with Joe Biden, what days they have in Japan, the time a guy hit John in the face with his own cane, buying porn at the airport, how to start conversations with girl, how to start conversations with guy, and my sweet summer child, even more.

Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Palm Desert Boguscon

Fri, 18 Nov 2022 08:00:54 GMT

Niki, LB and John reconvene to navigate another week's worth of life's treacherous roadways, including who the next wave of biopics will focus on, starting a Patreon for the United States Armed Forces, LB's Xbox account, Jay Jay the Jet Plane, our Lord Jesus Christ, a show called "Mr. Bogus" that John watched as a kid, the importance of heating a pastry, and I swear to God, even more.

Support merritt's book!!

Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Twitter Memorial Special

Fri, 11 Nov 2022 08:00:23 GMT

John, LB and Niki gather here today to pay tribute to one of the best/worst websites of all time, Twitter dot com, which is dead now. The gang also discusses where we should all go next, the best-ever day on Twitter, everyone's favorite tweets, a scam to become land owners in Scotland, "man's unpaid obligation to hardworking bees," the Criagslist forum dedicated to haiku, and I swear to God, even more.

who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (small frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Prenatal Pasta Sauce

Fri, 04 Nov 2022 07:00:23 GMT

This week LB, Niki and John advise opening your third eye (while keeping your first two closed, of course), and also discuss other important topics facing today's Sleepy Americans™, including if the primordial soup was the original wassail, why we've never seen a dracula with an eyepatch, the pervert's place in the community, oranges from Australia, Tumblr's new content guidelines, podracing, and somehow, even more.

Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB — and our producer Jordo — try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed.

Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Trailer

Fri, 28 Oct 2022 23:47:25 GMT

This is If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a comedy podcast that we think you'll love. In this trailer (which is not sponsored by McDonald's) we talk about McDonald's, Carl Weathers, John getting fired, and somehow, even more.

who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz.

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Royal You

Fri, 28 Oct 2022 07:00:07 GMT

Niki, LB and John are back and sleepier than ever, with John a little loopy from his vaccine cocktail and Niki more in need of medical attention than ever. Meanwhile, the gang shows off their knowledge of Scandinavian geography, LB and Niki compare sleep study results, John details his trip to the vaccine clinic, LB orders McDonald's live (not sponsored), and somehow, even more.

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Monster Times

Fri, 21 Oct 2022 07:00:42 GMT

Happy spooky season, Drivers! LB finally gets the scary episode they've wanted out of John and Niki, who discuss election fraud (not like that), the Lord Jesus, Vanilla Ice's birthday, LB's fear of rats, salt guns, Rambo facts, John's undying love for Tom Cruise, and his fear of what might happen if he doesn't close the garage door in time.

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Alexa, I’m Ready To Whac Off

Fri, 14 Oct 2022 07:00:36 GMT

Niki, LB and John perform a dark ritual to summon their first special guest, merritt k (twitter.com/merrittk), after which Niki has a "mayonnaise question," John tells a story about an attempted murder he survived as a child, we all chill with our homie Eduardo and merritt describes an escalating cavalcade of jpegs from the Hammacher Schlemmer website.

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Hopping At Picnic Time

Fri, 07 Oct 2022 18:46:15 GMT

In this episode: the fishing cheating controversy, Niki's new plan for electoral democracy, LB's new plan for healthcare, and more. We made a lot of claims about Colton Burpo and chess on this episode so we're sorry if we said anything that was wrong. Please let us know if you can get us a line on John Cena's rates for sack racing assistance.

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

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The Ass Punt

Fri, 07 Oct 2022 07:30:00 GMT

HONK HONK! In this episode, Producer Jordo guides our hosts into a strange and fascinating world. A tiny world, a 1/24 scale world. Of truckers. JPEG-description fans rejoice and settle in for nearly a full hour of audio imagery. Also: Mad Libs, the bachelorette section, and literacy.

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

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PP Loan

Fri, 07 Oct 2022 07:25:00 GMT

What would the shared mind palace of our hosts look like? A mall, that's what. In this one, our three intrepid travelers decide what would go in their shared mental mall. How big is the Cheesecake Factory? How many pianos are there? Also: What is a "Rick Caruso podcast indulgence"? How would you spend PP Loan? What are you doing at the BDub3's? How many incorrect facts does LB say about their own religion? Listen and find out.

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

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The Double Punch

Fri, 07 Oct 2022 07:22:35 GMT

What happen if you reboot Wheel today? On the first ever episode of If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, hosts Niki, LB, and John talk about Spindrift, Mount Vernon, and the best car ever made.

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

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