Find Your Voice

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe

Transcript:

8 Things you ACTUALLY don’t need to become successful:

1. Wake up stupidly early

The only time you should ever wake up early is if you sleep early enough.

Otherwise, it’s stupid! Don’t be stupid.

2. Jump around & act all positive all the time. It’s not possible & it’s detrimental to your overall long term well-being.

Emotions are there to serve us & help us understand what we are experiencing. If anything become more self aware.

3. Buy a course to solve your life. Yes you may lack a few things.

It’s likely self belief, discipline, knowledge & time.

The first 2 can be trained & the second two can take longer than any quick rich get scheme or promises made by “highly successful people” who sell you mentorship for stupid prices.

4. What other successful people have

You don’t need more money than you can spend to consider yourself a success or the same amount of accolades as person x.

You may, but you don’t need it.

The key with this point is to recognise your own internal drivers & see what makes you feel successful. Then do that, or work towards that.

5. Lots of followers brought from fake websites to validate what an influencer you are to make you feel like Dwayne Johnson when you sleep.

It’s a superficial metric that the fakeness is easily noticed if you look close enough & does nothing other than reiterate that your following is based on bots & people in India.

Sorry people in India.

Instead focus on hitting your message home with 1 person a day, impactfully & see how much better that feels than having 6k followers who aren’t real people!

6. To have it all figured out.

Nobody has everything figured out. Work life balance rarely exists for the long term & as you gain traction in 1 aspect of your life, you could lose some in another.

That’s okay, providing your moving towards the things that you truly want to achieve & consider important to your success.

Also if you don’t know how to do something to make it a success, surround yourself with a team better than you.

Key word being team.

7. Loads of likes across your posts. The most successful people I know in my personal life from a fitness, financial & relationship side aren’t even here posting.

I write this point to let you know, that execution beyond the noise & social media is key.

Anyone can turn it on during posting hours or online, but how deep are your relationships with friends and family? How healthy is your mind and heart? How self aware and happy are you?

8. Someone else’s approval.

Your Success and metrics of it should be your success metrics!

I think that made sense.

Don’t seek approval or validation from no one.

This is mental health awareness week & my job of being an advocate for this space won’t stop this week & started many years before.

On that note a great quote to end this quick post:

“Never let a good crisis go to waste”

If at the very least all you do is leave knowing, what you truly want, who you truly are & who you truly am not, you are winning I promise you!

Most of us, don’t even know what we truly want or who we truly are and that scares me.

Don’t be like most, be like you!

Have a kick ass week people & protect your wellbeing at all costs ❤️

#mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Living with bipolar disorder & changing the way we look at Mens mental health #103

Thu, 21 May 2020 09:14:10 GMT

"My only regret in life was not talking" by Dean

Dean is an open book and one whos story gives hopes, encouragement and strength to anyone battling with mental health. As it is mental health awareness week, it was important to get this episode out today. Dean battles with bi polar disorder on a daily basis and is consistently working on being kind to himself and encouraging others to speak more about what is going on in their lives. A full transparent individual who shares not only his struggles but also his processes to help give tangible takeaways and steps to lift yourself out of the darker days that we all experience.

A personal trainer, a father, an ex army veteran and a friend, Dean is not just someone with bi polar. He is much more than that, just as you are all much more than your job titles, or the tags that people put on you. Be more, become more and learn about yourself as we go through this find your voice journey to truly become a better version and master or at least control your mental and physical well being to the best of your ability.

I urge you all to follow Deans story, not just because it is mental health awareness week, but also because his story is authentic and powerful and full of tangible insights (such as the 4 steps of resilience) to coping with our daily battles much better.

Also do not forget to check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk

Key timestamps:

[04:15] PTSD Diagnosis & Dean wanting to commit suicide

[10:00] Deans perspective on gratitude

[13:05] Deans morning routine

[22:00] Bi polar disorder - Who is Dean?

[31:10] 4 steps of resilience

[40:00] We all have a choice

Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ

Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL

Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe

Links to Dean:

Website: https://www.nuelementconditioning.net

Instagram: https://instagram.com/nu.element.conditioning

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to deal with grief better #102

Wed, 20 May 2020 11:05:45 GMT

"My lifes journey" - by Martika Whylly

Martika, is most certainly finding her voice in the midst of the adversity and uncertainty many of us are currently experiencing. But what is more interesting about Martika's story is the fact her voice is now being used to speak about the adversities she has witnessed in her life. Seeing her mother commit suicide, her cousin sister do the same and losing many loved ones in such a short succession, Martika recognised there was a process to grieving. Sadly grief will catch us all at one point, whether it comes unexpectedly or whether it creeps into our lives.

However, the way we are in today's society we rarely actually think or know how we should grieve. What are we meant to feel? How are we meant to act? How long does the grieving process take? Fortunately Martika has researched and dived into this aspect of her life in an attempt to shed light for those who may experience similar adversities in their own lives, giving them processes and tools to help them cope with grief better via her platform: www.grievewithease.com

Also do not forget to check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk

Key timestamps:

[04:20] Martikas story

[06:55] What happens when we lose someone?

[12:27] Martikas experience with losing her mother to suicide

[17:35] Living with gratitude

[24:20] Martikas personal journey & book of dealing with death and grief

Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ

Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL

Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe

Links to Martika:

Website: www.grievewithease.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Living & Learning from the Constant Anxiety we experience with Ruben Alvarez #101

Mon, 18 May 2020 04:55:13 GMT

Growing up in a single parent home, with no bedroom to call his own, Ruben intrinsic desire was to do more and become more. Through learning & going on his own journey of finding his voice, Ruben has become self aware enough to know what he needs to do. In addition he knows what he wants too. This is a fascinating story of a guy who has never let his struggles, or anxieties define him or his potential. Eager to grow through what he is going through he continues to strive to ensure he leaves it all out there and reaches the success he has so clear in his mind.

It was my pleasure getting to know Ruben on this more so as I was encouraged by his willingness to not sell himself, or share this narrative that he had it all figured out. He is just like any of us, the listeners, the guests, myself who are just learning as we go along the journey. It is this authenticity that warms me towards me and encourages you all to follow him on his journey.

Also do not forget to check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk

Key timestamps:

[04:00] Why Ruben does what he does?

[16:50] Rubens vulnerability during lockdown

[22:10] The things we lack, we often want more

[27:10] Rubens biggest fear

[35:00] Rubens message to listeners and his younger self

Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ

Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL

Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe

Links to Ruben:

Website: https://www.iamrubenalvarez.com

Instagram: https://instagram.com/iamrubenalvarez

Instagram (podcast): https://instagram.com/inforthekillpodcast

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why Forgiveness is Worth it & my Story of Adversity #100

Mon, 11 May 2020 12:45:13 GMT

"Forgiving the person that almost killed me, was the greatest thing in my life" by Aren Deu #100

This is my story, a story I promised you all I would deliver for the 100th show. It is about forgiveness and it will connect many dots when go back and listen to my episodes about why I started this podcast, what made me who I am today and why the worst day of my life was actually in hindsight the best. I dont preach about adversity being a gift, for no reason, I truly 100% believe it is or at least can be your biggest gift.

I sincerely hope you enjoy this episode, and if you have the ability to forgive, please do.

Also do not forget to check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk

[Notes - My Speech at Toastmasters, the only time I ever shared this story]

Toast master, fellow toast masters most welcome guests.

Today I’m going to share something I have never shared with anyone before.

I am going to tell you Why getting assaulted & left for dead was the greatest thing that ever happened to me…

But first let me take you back to a simpler time.

You see growing up I would never have imagined myself doing the things I now do.

Growing up life was easy, simple and carefree. I didn’t have to overthink things and I could just dream.

And dreaming I did!

Now I don’t know about any of you but as a child I always loved action films and fighting

From Bruce Lee to Jackie Chan to the

Karate Kid to Van Damme...

I loved it and wanted to be like them.

But my favourite of all action stars was the Italian stallion Rocky Balboa and my first ever real life goal was to become the world heavy weight champion of the world.

But sadly, I was unable to participate in Boxing due to suffering with convulsions as a child so it wasn’t allowed.

Plus I had to get a degree for my parents to make them proud.

However fast forward 25 years, with a degree under my belt It was now my time to go and pursue my dreams.

I spent the next 2 years training 3 x a day 7 days a week.

I lost 42lbs in my first 7 weeks of training

I went from being unable to run 50m, to running 7 miles straight at 6 minutes a mile.

I was ready!

And to confirm this my trainer told me I was too!

He called me in one day and spoke about the novice nationals I could attend. I remember the feeling of finally being able to achieve my dreams even though I was told I was 15 years too late to the scene.

I also remember looking to the left and seeing past champions and imagining my photo on the wall right next to them. Of course id have to move a few of them across but there was room for me, I just knew it!

However, as I departed the gym that night full of happiness, relief, excitement and just an overwhelm of emotion I was oblivious to the fact that it would be the last time I was to ever step foot into the ring again.

You see on the September of that same year 2 months before nationals, I went out for my bday reluctantly. I had a very strict diet but as 60 of my friends graced me with their presence and presents, I found myself getting rather drunk!

Fast forward 3 hours of laughing and catching up with people I had hardly seen due to my boxing commitments I found myself in true Aren style falling asleep.

You see most people when they get tipsy fall over, dance, or do crazy things. Me? Well I just fall asleep.

Only this time I had gone out for air and fallen asleep on the pavement outside.

My sleep was disrupted and short-lived, as I was woken up by my neck and head jolting back violently.

You know how they say alcohol numbs pain?

Well this was the most painful 3.5 minutes of my life, physically and mentally.

I could taste blood in my mouth, see it stream into my eyes but unable to wipe it away due to my hands not moving.

Why wasn’t they moving.

I was paralysed.

I had no idea if it was the alcohol or the concessions from the shot but I was met with fists, elbows, knees, running kicks and continuous laughter from the two guys who assaulted me, one more than the other.

I pleaded and asked why I was being assaulted, I had no real idea as to what was happening and then I remember my last few words as I believed in that time, I am going to die here.

“I cried for my mom, and within seconds I was passed out, only this time from an unprovoked assault”

I was woken up in a pool of blood and doctors told me I had sustained remarkable injuries but somehow nothing life threatening. Despite the 60+ cuts and bruises I was ok!

Or at least they thought.

You see I then struggled for the next 2 years living a life of resentment and fear. I had nightmares daily and went to bed bitter and angry at the world, the police for never really helping me, my friends for being too busy drinking inside and myself for getting into that state.

I spent these years being someone I was ashamed off, a victim, in a victims mentality.

However fast forward 2 years from the incident, I made a life changing decision. You see prior to that I had listened to a podcast that changed my life.

Do you ever get that feeling when you watch or listen to something that they are speaking directly to you?

Well this guy was. In fact his story was so similar it was unreal. The funny thing is I can’t recall the episode now and sometimes question myself as to whether it was real or I simply imagined it.

However it worked. The podcast spoke about forgiveness and how this individual, who I believed was me at the time went on to change his life once he forgave the person who assaulted him.

So with that I did the same. I sent a message to the person forgiving them and explaining everything that was in my thoughts. I forgave them for me, not them.

That was the most liberating thing I have ever truly done you see,

Since then I regained control of my life living a victor mentality!

You see since then I have:

- Trained 1000+ clients from a health and fitness benefit having learnt so much during my boxing years.

- Married my best friend and soul mate, someone who I never had time for during my boxing years. What a mistake that would have been.

- Ive conquered my biggest fears of public speaking as I deliver this to you all today.

- Learned the power of forgiveness and practice this daily.

- Dived into the property world and became financially free to allow me to live a life of passion and purpose and work on my own terms.

- I also have my very own podcast which has been listened to in 20 countries and downloaded over 2000+ times in less than a month.

You see In hindsight I would never go back and erase that night from my life, as it taught me so much about myself and the person I have grown into today.

It has made me stronger, more compassionate, more forgiving and overall a better servant to the world.

Maybe I could have done this through boxing, who knows but for now I am truly fulfilled and in the best place I could possibly be in.

Night crushed my dreams but I created buffers ones

My name is Aren Deu and I thank you all for listening to me today.

Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ

Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL

Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to change the way you see yourself with Rock Thomas #99

Wed, 06 May 2020 10:40:16 GMT

"Support, encourage & challenge" by Rock Thomas

Also do not forget to check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk

As featured on mind valley, goalcast, EoFIRE, Tony Robbins, Wheelbarrow profits, the Gazette and the Bigger Pockets! Rock Thomas joins us on find your voice to share his incredible story and help you all on your journey of finding your voice and moving forward towards achieving your goals.

The way we see ourselves can massively determine our success in life and Rock Thomas speaks about the importance of this, along with all the incredible mindset that he has developed throughout his life of figuring out the next steps in the midst of adversity. This is a true story of someone who had two choices. To become a victim, or to become a victor and thankfully for us here on find your voice and the world Rock Thomas chose to become the latter and really make everyday an opportunity to better himself, serve the world and deliver his great teachings and wisdom.

Some key timestamps:

[03:10] Finding your path

[06:20] Support encourage and challenge model

[14:10] Life is about growth

[19:00] Feed and energise yourself to change yourself

[24:45] Exposing your weakness

[30:14] Choose how you see yourself

[35:25] Feeling like he did not belong

Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ

Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL

Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe

Links to Rock Thomas:

Website: https://rockthomas.com/

YouTube clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IH0digwjds

Twitter: https://twitter.com/rockthomas

Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/RockThomasOfficial/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to live happier and healthier with Dr Saundra Dalton-Smith #98

Thu, 30 Apr 2020 09:27:15 GMT

"Live fully, love wholeheartedly and rest intentionally" By Dr Saundra Dalton-Smith

An incredible episode with an expert in her field helping people all over the world recover their best selves and live a happier and healthier life. There are some tanigible takeaways to restoring our energy and selves to really become our best selves once again.

Who would have also thought there were so many types of restorative habits that we all have. Yet having them and knowing we have them are not always the case, which often leads to burnout amongst many people. Saundra shares her wisdom in this episode to ensure none of us go through burnout, or none of us leave this isolation period in a worse mental and physical state. We want you to leave this isolation period fully restored and ready to manage your overall health in all aspects such as:

Physical
mental
spiritual
Emotional
social
sensory
creativity

Key timestamps:

[03:10] Recognising burnout in her career

[10:15] The struggles of burnout and impact on family

[11:00] Passive and Active rest

[15:25] Habits Dr Saundra uses to help with burnout and social rest deficit

[20:10] Dr Saundras biggest fear today

[25:35] Choose your best life

I urge you to check her materials and resources out and follow her amazing jouney!

Also do not forget to check out our new sponsor coming soon: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk

Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ

But Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice & check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk

Links to me:

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe

Links to Dr Saundra:

Website: https://www.Ichoosemybestlife.com

Sacred Rest book: https://amzn.to/2SBRo51

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to stop feeling guilty #97

Tue, 28 Apr 2020 14:45:05 GMT

How to stop feeling guilty, even when we know we have so many things to be grateful for.

Remember you are not alone if this is you! I promise you. Try and use this 4 step process to help you stop feeling that guilt when it arises and know those emotions will pass:

Transcript:

So if your anything like me, sometimes you have those days where things are just off!

Now "feeling off", I do believe is a technical term used to convey disinterest or enthusiasm.

But even then it can get even worse, where you feel low, sad, grumpy, angry, dissatisfied, anxious, frustrated, unhappy etc..

Now if I told you this was normal and its okay, you’d think I’m just being nice.

Now depending on where you fall on the self awareness spectrum, a spectrum I have just created right this second

You would either be:

1. Oblivious to those off days

2. Feeling guilty about having those days

Now I really want to focus on the second point here! Because many of us who are aware of these days, have no idea where they start, why they happen and why they ruin our mood! Many of us then feel extremely guilty for feeling bad, or moaning because we know deep down that if you are able to listen to this podcast, our life in the grand scheme of things is pretty good! You see, we can easily compare ourselves with those, who are less fortunate, possess less, have less or see less. Yet still sometimes writing that down and being grateful just isn’t enough! You still want to moan, feel lousy, eat chocolate, drink a beer and just wallowing self-pity.

Now although I don’t advocate this, especially for a consistent period, I will say 2 things:

1. Its 100% okay to have those days, where you know your life is great, but you still feel shitty. You are allowed to feel shitty or experience such emotions.

2. Your pain, or what you are experiencing is still real to you.

Yes I understand emotions come and go, just like seasons and night and day. But sometimes its very difficult to shake it off and just go back to the super version of yourself.

So here're some recommendations I think can massively help you:

1. Acknowledge it! Once you acknowledge it, you now get at least be self aware enough to recognise that this has happened before and is happening now. It may also happen again next week. Now what do you want to do about it? Do nothing? Do it! Do your favourite things? Do them! Not do the things you want to do ? Don't do them! This is your time to just have a sulk!

2. Allocate a stop loss. So as much as I urge you to vent or wallow in step 1, I also need you to put a stop loss on this moment. It can not go on forever. This is not the podcast for that, this is the podcast for us going on a journey of self discovery and improvement each one of my words reach your ears. So set it. It can be 5 minutes, 5 hours, but please lets not do 5 days! Less than 24 hours please!

3. Acceptance. Sometimes we have to forgive ourselves when this happens. If we knew it was going to happen, and prepared we wouldn’t feel bad. But sadly it comes at the time we least expect it and really causes a stir. On top of that the aftermath is where we beat ourselves up on how we shouldn’t feel guilty and how we should be super perfect! Nobody is perfect, sorry.

4. Assessment. Maybe once this happens a few times, you start to recognise why? Was it every time you drank perhaps? The high extremes of joy and dancing, to the lows of a hangover and a lack of energy with a storming headache. Or perhaps every time you’re around someone, who just doesn’t add to your life? Could that be it? Perhaps. Either way the more you understand yourself, your triggers, your habits the better chance you have at being better equipped next time around.

So that’s just 4 swift ways I waned to share with you because a lot of people funnily enough have messaged me feeling guilty for feeling the way that they are.

Listen, until we know better and can do better, we are all just learning this thing called life. There is no-one out there so in tune with their self that they never have these days.

We all have bad days. We all have days, when everything in our life regardless of how well it is going still feel completely off. There is nothing wrong with you, or about the way you think. Please know that.

I hope you are all staying safe and urge you all to check the https://www.youtube/c/findyourvoicepodcast out too :)

Also do not forget to check out our new sponsor coming soon: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice & check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk

Links to me:

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to overcome childhood trauma #96

Tue, 21 Apr 2020 10:10:31 GMT

"Alcohol saved my life" - Nancy Legere #96

Healing from trauma, being compassionate to others and forgiving ourselves are just some of the incredible points we tackle in this episode. Nancy bravely shares her story of childhood abuse and speaks about the things so many of us, who have gone through adversity need to know and do. We all need to heal, we all need to forgive ourselves and we all need to continue to shine our light on the world and find our voice.

From reading her forward in her book, I myself was in tears. Unable to comprehend how people can openly abuse or hurt others is still beyond me, but one thing I know is, that is on them! For anyone who may feel they are the fault, of any abuse or trauma, you are not. Nobody has the right to make you feel any less a person or to abuse your boundaries. I am also so grateful to have met Nancy as she is such a beautiful person who I felt a deep connection with via our talk.

I urge you all to check her book out and to use the lessons we bravely discuss in this episode to help yourselves move forward and heal from this trauma too.

Important time stamps:

[07:10] The importance of speaking about trauma (finding your voice)

[20:11] What to do if you are going through trauma

[29:30] Finding the silver lining in our adversity

[36:00] Would life be easier with adversity?

Also do not forget to check out our new sponsor coming soon: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk

Covid19, Covid-19, Coronavirus is just a phase of adversity we are all capable of overcoming and prospering from.

Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ

But Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice & check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk

Links to me:

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe

Links to Nancy:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nancy-legere-11a6363a

Life in the shadows book: https://amzn.to/2XR2Ywh

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to avoid burnout and find your joy #95

Mon, 20 Apr 2020 04:55:12 GMT

"Join up dots" by David Ralph #95

David Ralph is living life on his own terms. Doing the things he loves & avoiding those he don't. But it wasn't always this way. David like many of us has gone through the motions of life, often neglecting his health. Spinning his wheels for things that don't light him up, fill him up with joy and just to get a pay cheque. But this all changed when David took a plunge and jumped into the entrepreneurial space.

Managing his own online businesses and running and hosting the successful Join Up Dots podcast, with over 2,000 episodes of GOLD, David now works on his own terms.. at least for the majority of the week.

We discuss the 4 hour week and how books can change your life, minimalism, finding your joy and just enjoying the process along the way. So often we spend too long on the noise of the world, and we must instead look at the things that keep us thriving and wanting to put those long hours in.

With a week away from uploading any episodes we are now back and ready to bring you some incredible episodes to help you move forward to find your voice & write your own story.

If you enjoyed it or found it useful, let me know! Also drop by the YouTube channel as we have content everyday going out now to help you.

Audio versions of the Find Your Voice episodes, video recordings of some episodes, animations telling stories, giving tips and much much more!

Also do not forget to check out our new sponsor coming soon: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk

Covid19, Covid-19, Coronavirus is just a phase of adversity we are all capable of overcoming and prospering from.

Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ

But Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice & check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk

Links to me:

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe

Links to guest:

David Ralph: https://joinupdots.com/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The best way to motivate yourself #94

Wed, 08 Apr 2020 09:15:24 GMT

Motivation comes in dribs & drabs! In fact, it seems to elude us when we need it most & appear when we can't use it as effectively. Ever get that moment of motivation after a few beers but know deep down you won't execute there and then and even less likely too, in the morning with hangover? Then on the flip side you know you need to work out but it's becoming increasingly difficult to get your body and mind to adhere to your wishes and instead you excuse yourself, let yourself off the hook and tell yourself, you will do better tomorrow?

Well this is why I hope this short bite sized episode will help you at least find another resource to add to your tool kit and get yourself doing things, to execute your goals, overcome your adversity and be happier!

So as I wrote these shownotes, I recognised my Morbid motivation videos are only on my Instagram profile. However I will be uploaded a YouTube version in the upcoming weeks if you want more clarrity on this. I spoke about this at Toastmasters too and it helped me win an award for the best speech.

If you enjoyed it or found it useful, let me know! Also drop by the YouTube channel as we have content everyday going out now to help you.

Audio versions of the Find Your Voice episodes, video recordings of some episodes, animations telling stories, giving tips and much much more!

Also do not forget to check out our new sponsor coming soon: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk

Covid19, Covid-19, Coronavirus is just a phase of adversity we are all capable of overcoming and prospering from.

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice & check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk

Links to me:

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to overcome adversity in your life with Teaira Eaton-Curry #93

Tue, 07 Apr 2020 09:19:24 GMT

As we are raising awareness for domestic violence week, this episode could not have come at a more important time. Teaira has only known adversity for the majority of her life, but due to her mindset, resilience and experience she has become an expert at overcoming it. Putting this down to her perspective and persistence Teaira does not just share an emotive sad story. There is a huge underlying theme of hope.

She has proven that regardless of the hands, you are dealt, the decision to change the rest of your life is still yours. The choice, that power, that decision should never be taken for granted. Teaira is now operating from such a higher place of self-worth and consciousness she is helping others overcome their adversities too.

I know you will enjoy this, trademark Find Your Voice style episode & I encourage you all to let me know your feedback after listening.

Thanks for stopping by.

Also do not forget to check out our new sponsor coming soon: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice & check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk

Links to me:

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

10 Things to help your mental health during Corona virus Social Distancing, self-isolation & quarantine

Sat, 21 Mar 2020 12:42:53 GMT

I sympathise with anyone at this time. Noone is unaffected but and as I always state about our problems not being exclusive to ourselves, there is no truer realisation for us all that, that is the case.

However, conscious that loneliness and self-isolation can increase the pressures on our mental health during this period of corona virus (Covid-19) I want to try to help you with 10 things you can do that will massively help you during these testing times.

Prior to listening to this, you may want to check the last episode out which has a further 10 hacks, that will help you during this pandemic too. My goal is to ensure you do not lose momentum or suffer alone in these times. So I sincerely hope these help you.

Check out Thursdays episode: https://shows.acast.com/findyourvoice/episodes/control-the-controllables-how-to-survive-during-corona-isola

10 things everyone can do during isolation - social distancing for your mental health

1. Get help from your local governments. Money along with health is the most feared concept for all people. For its not a concern, but for many it is. So in these times, reach out to your local governments as they will have many ways they can help you. Direct debits etc can also be reduced or stalled from car finance companies etc to really help you during this moment of uncertainty.

2. Start with gratitude, isolation is not the end. Isolation is protecting ourselves, but just as importantly protecting those who are vulnerable. I believe with all of my heart if you listen to my podcast, you are like me. You care just as much for others as you do for yourself. If you didn’t, I wouldn’t imagine you’d be sticking around for long. So gratitude for us is a must. We should be grateful we are in a position to help others (even through technically doing nothing). We should be grateful for having a roof over our heads, access to water and toilets/showers. The ability to connect via FaceTime, Skype, WhatsApp or mobiles to all our loved ones too.

3. Read some books. Or if you’re like me listen to them. This is a time to enhance your mind without the pressures of being somewhere else or having to do anything else. Books allow us to time collapse our journeys, change our perspectives and just develop. If you want recommendations please let me know, although most of my books are non-fiction personal developments. But even if its a fiction book, knock off those slippers kick back and read to your hearts content.

4. Watch this is us. Now I am obviously looking for an endorsement but this show has been incredible. It looks at all the different obstacles and adversities we face in life, from parenting, to racism, to self-image, confidence etc Yet the messages are beautifully scripted and acted out. I literally leave each show with my heart full and head bursting with ideas for blogs and podcast shows to hopefully help you all.

5. Recharge your batteries. So often in life we are on autopilot and rarely take a step back to look at our well-being. This is time to sit back, re assess your life and see if the story you are writing is one you want to continue to writing. Would you be happy doing this for the next 10-15 years? If no, then you have such a huge possibility to change your future by starting today. 5 years ago today I would have believed I had to work till I was 65, yet here I am able to connect with you all and do the things that fill my heart more than anything in the world. It took blood sweat and tears but it started with the decision to do so. You have that power to make the decision now, even if you think you don’t.

6. Clean! If you’re a guy, do some handy work around the house and clean. You will get yourself some brownie points, but you also have a cleaner house & decluttering helps with your mind space.

7. Skype/Zoom people. This is crucial, because although it won’t replace physical social interaction we need to communicate with people, and we do not want to suffer with loneliness. So reach out to your loved ones. Hey reach out to me! I am always active on Instagram and ill try to reach back out to you too.

8. Journal. If you are suffering with anxiety in this time, journaling is my #1 tool for combatting overwhelm and anxious feelings. Just throw anything and everything in your head onto paper and watch your brain feel lighter, mood get brighter and smile get wider over time. Its powerful beyond belief!

9. Start your day with Find Your Voice Podcast!

10. Learn something new. Okay so to date we probably learnt a few celebrities have got coronavirus and that its taking over the world, with people snatching toilet rolls and doing all sorts of crazy habits. Well the time you spend, reading the same information that will only add to your anxiety, perhaps you could randomly research something you’re interested about? How about brain health? How about the benefits of adversity? Or how to cook pad thai? How to exercise at home? It can truly be anything, but time I something we will never got back. Skill sets and new learnings are also things we will always have. So

Also do not forget to check out our new sponsor coming soon: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk

Covid19, Covid-19, Coronavirus is just a phase of adversity we are all capable of overcoming and prospering from.

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice & check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk

Links to me:

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Control the Controllables - How to survive during Corona Isolation

Wed, 18 Mar 2020 10:57:16 GMT

"Always try to Control the Controllables" by Aren Deu #91

In a time of huge uncertainty, where fear is upon many of us, and we often feel helpless, defenceless and desperate we need to ensure we regain control of our lives. We need to eliminate our excuses irrespective of how good or true they may be. We need to overcome this adversity and move forward in life. The best way to do this, is to truly control the controllables and recognise that in the midst of this current climate, with Corona (COVID-19) taking its toll on the world, we still have so much control of the rest of our lives. Our thoughts, bodies and minds are still within our control should we recognise this and work towards ensuring we master it.

I urge you all to just listen to this episode or check out the YouTube and really use this time to benefit your life moving forward. If I can help in anyway please do not hesitate to reach out.

1. Your sleep routine is so crucial.

2. Your nutrition, both hydration and the food you consume.

3. How to speak to yourself (especially if your self-isolated). Your thoughts impact your emotions & actions.

4. What you choose to listen and watch (I am all for Netflix, and Amazon) but I am so against things that do not serve my mindset.

5. How you look after your physical body (Exercise at home) ?

6. How you treat others (a dog eat dog world). Let's not act like animals and be kinder and more compassionate and not let desperation take over our values.

7. Future proof yourself, if this happens (Formulate a plan and ensure if you are struggling this does not happen again. We have to learn from our moments of adversity and circumstances)

8. Levels of gratitude more so now than ever.

9. Learn a new skill. Language, online course or something you’ve always wanted to do. Write, blog, podcast do it today!!

Covid19, Covid-19, Corona Virus is just a phase of adversity we are all capable of overcoming and prospering from.

Also do not forget to check out our new sponsor coming soon: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice & check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk

Links to me:

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Grow Your Confidence & Avoid Imposter Syndrome #90

Mon, 16 Mar 2020 05:55:00 GMT

"You don't need to have it all figured out, you just need to realise your strengths, trust your gut & take action" by Betitina Árnafjall #90

Bettina states the following:

"It's my heart's desire to share the many experiences I made in my eight years as a team manager to help all you women out there to avoid mistakes, change your mindset and behavior and take your career to the next level" and through this fascinating discussion you can see exactly why.

Suffering with confidence issues throughout her own life, imposter syndrome and never really having it all figured out she continued to pursue her desire and develop her passion into serving others. Recognising that none of us have it all figured out, and we all have our doubts and moments of uncertainty she still persevered. She also recognised it was her action and commitment to the process that allowed her to achieve the results she is achieving today.

Some areas she specialises in or speaks about are:

Confidence is key for your career
Don't confuse loyalty and a false sense of duty
Your career doesn't need to be a "career"
The top 5 job search Dos and Don'ts
Top 5 things to promote your career as a woman
Are there unsuitable jobs for women?
The gender gap - a team manager's perspective
How not to get paid less as a woman
How to research a realistic salary
Salary negotiation tips
How to get a raise

This was a fascinating conversation and fortunately we managed to get it recorded this time around.

Some Key Time stamps:

[02:50] Bettina's own struggles with confidence

[07:30] Doing things even when you aren't sure

[11:50] My own imposter syndrome with podcasting

[23:35] Migraines ruining Bettina's life

[29:50] Fun part of the show

[33:00] Bettinas final message - How to be successful without a master plan

I urge you all to follow her journey & check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Amazon 5 Minute journal: https://amzn.to/31IJlGD

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Links to Bettina:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/womenscareerlift/

Website : https://www.womenscareerlift.com/resume-online-course

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to Build Confidence - 5 Tips you can do today (Part 2/2)

Thu, 12 Mar 2020 05:55:28 GMT

"We all lack confidence in certain areas of our life" - Aren Deu #87

5 Ways to Build Confidence Part 2

If you haven't already, you may want to check out https://shows.acast.com/findyourvoice/episodes/how-to-build-confidence

Where i discussed the first 5 things to help build confidence. To quickly recap these included:

1 getting things done, 2 exercising, 3, staying true to your word, 4 ensuring you don’t get overwhelmed and 5 recognising the lack of confidence is not exclusive to you and we all, in certain areas of our lives experience it.

But please do obviously check it out for an in-depth 10-minute explanation.

But for this episode, these are the 5 ways (well 6, with the bonus tip) to help you build your confidence.

6. Preparation. One of the ways I managed to handle my public speaking fear, was to be incredibly prepared. Now there is a well known fact that even the most confidence amongst us, such as French Prince of Bel-Air who we all loved and adored if you were an 80/90s baby, can be seen whispering the lines of every single person in the episode before his own lines. Why? It was his first major gig at acting, he wanted to make sure he didn't make mistakes or mess up his opportunity, so he prepared!! For many of us, a lack of confidence can be due to a lack of competencies or knowledge so the best way to get over this, is too just over prepare! I've done it, I still do it and I promise you it will hugely enhance your confidence

7. Improve your posture. There is a psychological and physiologically benefits to improving one's posture. If you are trying to negotiate something, or get a point across but you have your shoulders slouched, back hunched over like the dude from Notre dam you are likely 1 not going to portray a confident person, but 2 not even feel it. Put those shoulders back, work on your eye contact and pump that chest out. It may feel stupidly awkward by the way, initially but it's empowering once you recognise people start to take more notice of you.

8. Music! Yes, music is one of the best things for our minds and bodies if we choose the right tracks, to empower us. I don’t know about you, but there are some songs that I feel I can genuinely take on the world after it. Either for their lyrics the beat or just the feeling of when I first ever heard that song. I call these power songs. Find your power songs and get them ready before you need to be more confident. Now being fully transparent here, I do this on the way to football matches, or when I spar in boxing because sometimes my anxiety and own self doubts can cripple my performances, but if I can get those tunes playing at the right time, I am usually unstoppable! Okay, that’s an exaggeration, but I usually feel proud of myself as I gave my all without self sabotaging my performance before I even step into the ring or on the field.

9. Visualise. There is something magical about visualisation and maybe ill do a podcast on this separately in more depth. But your imagination has the power to boost your confidence massively. Experts believe that mental visualisation practices such as delivering the perfect speech, hitting that home run, successful getting a new client etc, can prepare your brain for the outcome and give you that sense of achievement. Combined with positive affirmations of how you can achieve this, are worthy of achieving this, you can literally accomplish it in your head, mind and body before you actually go out there and do it. Which you will!

10. Do something difficult. There is something special about learning to become comfortable whilst actually being uncomfortable. We will never improve ourselves or you will never truly find your voice if you remain in your comfort zone. We need to stretch it, push it, step outside it and learn to wonder in a bit of uncertainty, a bit of uncomfortable to really grow as humans. Overtime, if you consistently do this to yourself, you will quickly start to fell unstoppable and recognise that the things you used to think were impossible, or were going to kill you, harm you, or scare you senseless actually didn’t turn out so bad after all!

And just because I think a 3 part episode would be an overkill, I’ve taken 1 more confidence boosting tip to truly help move forward and find your voice:

11. Smile at random people. I tried this exercise a few weeks back, but I started in comfortable places like the local gym, where everyone is so polite anyway. So rather than avoiding eye contact like I so often do, I started to look at people in the eyes and just push those cheek up and flash a smile. And guess what? I didn’t die. I didn’t get called a weirdo. I didn't break out in a sweat. I actually got welcoming greetings and smiles back. The benefit of all of that? I had a great work out and more importantly was in such a great mood for the remainder of the day… Smiling is contagious and as much as those people made my day, id like to think my awkward smile did the same!

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice & check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk

Links to me:

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Suicide Prevention, Mental illness Awareness, Body Dysmorphia & so much more ft Bobby Temps #88

Mon, 09 Mar 2020 05:55:01 GMT

"Over 75% have developed mental illness by the age of 18" by Bobby Temps #88

A face to face conversation with one of today's, local mental health advocates who is making huge positive changes in the space. Delighted to welcome Bobby Temps, the host of the Podcast entitled: Mental - The Podcast to Destigmatise Mental Health on to Find Your Voice where I got to know the man himself. Always intrigued as to why people do what they do, I wanted to understand why Bobby does the work he does, for mental health and also to understand where these motivators came from.

This was an insightful and thought-provoking interview where we delved into many areas. We discussed the pressures society can place upon us. The pressures our parents can have on our own mental illness. Anxiety, Depression, Loneliness, Burnout and even body dysmorphia. All these can sometimes be very taboo like and we often navigate around them, rather than discussing them But keen to not just be another Mental Health hashtag episode we promised ourselves and each other we would be 100% open and transparent.

Realising that we can all internalise things with a different perspective it is always a goal of mine personally to bring on as many people as possible even within the same bracket of adversity that they often highlight shaped their lives. This will in my hope, help you as listeners gain a different method, or perspective of coping and managing your own life.

The beautiful thing with this interview, and something I learned midway through it was that a petition has now been signed with over 196,000 signatures, as I write this to help

Some Key Time stamps:

[04:45] Destigmatise Mental Health / Mental illness

[08:40] Family pressures - Bobby

[15:50] Family pressures - Aren

[23:40] The statistics around Mental illness

[30:30] Positive affirmations around Body Dysmorphia

[39:15] Mental illness & Trauma you have experienced

[45:00] Fun part of the show

I urge you all to follow his journey:

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Amazon 5 Minute journal: https://amzn.to/31IJlGD

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/mental-the-podcast-to-destigmatise-mental-health/id1358920477

Links to Bobby:

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/bobbytemps/

Website: https://www.mentalpodcast.co.uk/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/mental_podcast

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mentalpodcast/?hl=en

Some Mental recommendations:

Samaritans

Someone to talk to who really listens with someone always there to pick up the phone. They do not offer advise but a space to speak anonymously about what is on your mind and can signpost other organisations. There number is free and won’t show up on your phone bill.

If you are a student Nightline offers a similar services tailored for you and run by student volunteers - https://nightline.ac.uk

Bias warning- Bobby used to volunteer here!

Counselling Services

There is no definitive route to finding the right service for you, so try googling for your local area. Remember you can always go in for a session and you don’t have to go back if you feel uncomfortable. The NHS also offers counselling but this is in part dependant on your personal situation and there is usually a waiting list.

The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy has a directory for support services on their website bacp.co.uk

Organisations with a wide range of services:

rethink.org - 'We help millions of people affected by mental illness by challenging attitudes and lives with information and practical advice.'

mind.org.uk - ‘We're Mind, the mental health charity. We're here to make sure no one has to face a mental health problem alone.’

time-to-change.org.uk - ‘We are a growing movement of people changing how we all think and act about mental health problems.’

Services relating to topics we cover

For a far broader list of services visit:

time-to-change.org.uk/what-are-mental-health-problems/mental-health-help-you/other-useful-organisations

Petition :

https://www.change.org/p/make-mental-health-education-mandatory-in-all-schools

Since starting this petition, we have received support from politicians across the political spectrum and it has reached over 195,000 signatures. Plus the Department of Education, Ofsted and the Welsh Assembly are already working to make these changes a reality.

When working to reduce stigma, I am continually concerned how a lack of education around mental health is contributing factor. This is something regularly raised as a mutual concern by guests on my mental health podcast plus several of them are actively working to fill this need by doing talks and workshops in schools. With one in four of us experiencing mental illness every year according to the charity Mind, this seems to be a real and very significant gap in our education system.

KEY STATISTICS:

- One in ten children aged between 5 and 16 years has been diagnosed with/shows signs of a mental health problem, and many continue to have these problems into adulthood. (1)

- Over half of all mental ill health starts before the age of 14 years, and 75% of this has developed by the age of 18. (2)

- NHS England estimates that poor mental health costs the NHS and society £105 billion a year in England alone. (3)

The statistics are shocking, yet whilst there is a whole subject in the curriculum around our physical health in the form of PE, our young people are left without any knowledge of even the most common mental illnesses.

Not only does this leave them unprepared and vulnerable when it comes to looking out for their own mental health, but also sets the standard that Mental Health is not discussed. This plants a seed of stigma that many carry for their whole lives.

Upon further research, there generally seems very little in the way of guidelines currently. For example, if Romeo and Juliet is studied as part of the curriculum when the two title characters kill themselves, this is considered the end of the story or worse romanticised as an ideal form of love. The very serious topic of suicide is frequently not even mentioned as part of schooling, and yet according to the BBC, suicide is the biggest killer of men under the age of 49.

It’s time to make a change. Even if a law was passed so every child receives one class about mental health during their time at school, this would be more than the vast majority currently get. We are keen to hear back from those in power on a more extensive plan to better the lives of our nation’s young people.

CAMPAIGNING FOR:

- Mental Health education becoming mandatory teaching for all schools in the UK without the addition of any exams or homework on this subject.

- Every child having the ability to access a qualified counsellor through their school. This is something that many workplaces already offer.

- Every school offering Mental Health training for its staff.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to Build Confidence - 5 Tips you can do today (Part 1/2)

Fri, 06 Mar 2020 11:59:28 GMT

"We all lack confidence in certain areas of our life" - Aren Deu #87

Here are 5 Ways to Build Confidence (Part 2 out next week).

So firstly what is confidence?

Confidence is the feeling or believe that one can have faith or rely on someone or something. A simple enough definition right?

But if you are anything like me, throughout my life some things I’ve really wanted to do, or needed to do i’e just not been confident at, and that sucks!

So I’ve dissected this episode into 2 parts, as this topic has 1000s of ways to help you, to build you confidence.

So let’s get started:

1. Get things done. Funnily enough, confidence is not something many of us can just wish into existence. It requires a bit of growth, uncomfortable moments or actually executing on something. Sounds like a tough deal right? Well not really. You see if you truly want to achieve something you don’t have already, or become someone you aren’t already you have to be willing to put the work in, in order to grow. This is where doing things that you can tick of as accomplishments will build your confidence. Even if it just small things, this matters too. Consistently improving or doing things you wouldn’t usually feel confident about, or shy away from over time will build confidence. A great example? Me doing this recording now, 90 episodes in. It feels easier, I worry that bit less, and I am confident in the message and hopefully that shines through. Hopefully.

2. Exercise. Now this list wouldn’t be a list without confidence. You see there is something about exercising that can be transferred across all walks of life. The small incremental increases in strength, speed, power, endurance etc is one thing. But how about, starting something (no-one is naturally a professional at) and spending days, hours on end working on the activity to slowly recognise how much better you become at it, how easier those first sessions would be if you were to mimic those? Plus you also benefit from releasing feel good endorphins, enhance your physical appearance and that in itself enhances one's confidence. Look good, feel good!

3. Stay true to your word. This is something that over the years has massively built my own personal confidence. Not only will people respect people that say what they do and do what they say, but the most important person in your life will also respect that too. Yes YOU! If you can commit to your words via actions, slowly but surely, you will build confidence in yourself. You will see yourself as someone, irrespective of emotions and feelings, will go out there and do exactly what they say they will do. Do this long enough, you will be as confident as they come.

4. Don’t overwhelm yourself. It is easy to want to be confident today, especially if you really suck at it. But it’s a process. Just like finding your voice hey! It takes time, hours, days months or even years. But if you can be patient and remain consistent enough confidence will in itself start to show. I never liked public speaking, and although I have many things I'd prefer to do, I manage it okay now. I never liked taking on the phone, could you believe that? And now, phone calls aren’t too scary. But it takes time, sadly this episode alone won’t just suddenly make you confident

5. Know that you aren’t alone. Everyone is confident at certain things and everyone is not so confident at others. We often look at people within the thing we want to pursue or become confident and think that person is incredible. Almost put them on a pedestal assuming they are confident at life as a whole. This is far from the truth. For example. I am confident in physical activities, way more than I am in speaking activities. Yet I am more confident in boxing than I would be in cricket. I am more confident interviewing guests than being a guest myself. We all have particular things that we shine in and others we don't. So the key is to ensure we don’t beat ourselves up and know that everyone has their own journey and everyone has to build confidence in the things that matter or are required for them.

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice & check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk

Links to me:

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to Control Your Thoughts, Emotions & Practice Self Care to Improve Your Mental Health #86

Mon, 02 Mar 2020 05:55:08 GMT

"You are NOT your Anger" by Alexander Walker #86

Alexander Walker, is a clinical hypnotherapist who works with clients who have or are experiencing depression, bipolar, anxiety and stress. But he fell into this line of work due suffering depression himself, struggling with his own anger and realising he never quite fitted in. Eager to now help others, having dug himself out of his own hole, Alexander helps people on a daily basis. He kindly joined us on the show today, where he shared methods for reducing anxiety and overwhelm; managing anger management and more important recognising that our thoughts are not us. Our emotions are not us. We are not moments of our life, we are much more than that. This insightful perspective of looking at how we often criticise or judge ourselves, can increase our happiness almost instantly.

It is for that reason, I encourage you all to listen to this episode, maybe even watch it on YouTube where it is not edited and has a few extra bits thrown in. It will teach you to manage your emotions and thoughts much better, which in turn will enhance your life, improve your happiness and help you find your voice.

Let me know your thoughts, and be sure to share this on social media and share it with anyone you feel could benefit from the wisdom Alexander shared.

Some Key Time stamps:

[04:30] Understanding my own Depression - Alexander

[09:00] Controlling your thoughts & bringing in a new experience

[14:00] Dealing & Understanding your Anger problems

[17:55] Why some people act in a "bad" way

[25:30] You are responsible for your world - The HO-OPON-OPONO Technique

[31:10] Acknowledge the small wins in your life + Your Journey Matters

I urge you all to follow his journey:

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Amazon 5 Minute journal: https://amzn.to/31IJlGD

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Links to Alexander:

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/Alexander-Walker-Clinical-Hypnotherapist-347417235732572/

Website : https://www.alexanderwalkerch.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we do what we do? #85

Thu, 27 Feb 2020 14:58:29 GMT

"Why do we do what we do?" by Aren Deu #85

A bit of a brain dump of an episode here, where I ask you the question "Do you help people because you want to be a hero, or do you want to truly just help people?" The reason behind this however, is that I am intrigued as to why we do what we do.

So ask yourself:

Do you help people because you want to be a hero?

Because you just truly want to actually help?

You often see in life, myself included - I am not perfect - we tend to help people for mixed reasons.

But more so with social media & with narcissism traits becoming more apparent by the hour, I see people offering help or assistance with a hidden agenda/intent.

Not saying this is wrong by the way, after all I am just 1 man's opinion, voicing my thoughts from time to time.

But I am truly, truly fascinated in understanding why do we do what we do?

Why do we need to suddenly try to take advantage of mental health deaths & post of the back of it pretending it has always been our cause? Why do we jump on trending topics in attempt to show our own 'worthiness'?

Why does tragedy force us to open up our social media accounts & show the world we are so great rather than show those around us, in person, around the corner, a drive away their importance first and foremost?

Why do we need to shout from the rooftops of our “Charitable work”?

To encourage others, or to prove to ourselves and others that we are good people?

I am fascinated by this & I don’t know the answers yet.

But I would in my limited knowledge put it down to, ego, a lack of something, a need for external validation, narcissism or not feeling enough irrespective of what you may actually already have..

I expect no-one to state they help people because they want something back. I am sure we all like to see ourselves as the latter of the initial questions. But deep down, we are all capable of figuring out and understanding why we do what we do, if we do not already know!

Nonetheless, I ask you the question, rhetorically of course.

Do you help people because you want them to see you as a hero?

Do you help people because, you can, expecting nothing back and because it is always a good thing to do & you just want to genuinely help?

This is a huge self awareness exercise that will teach us all an amazing lesson. Take time to figure this out, and really understand who you are.

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to Love Yourself Unconditionally ft Andrea Montoya #84

Mon, 24 Feb 2020 05:55:38 GMT

"Our biggest enemies, are our biggest teachers" by Andrea #84

From Emotional Eating & Bulimia to Removing Breast Implants & Self Love Mastery Andrea opens up about how we all need to love ourselves.

What an incredible story this was. Andrea's journey of overcoming emotional eating, bulimia and the beliefs and thoughts of others is inspiring to say the least. She has seen her own mind transform, but also her body too. A chapter of her story we discussed which I believe is very significant to this episode, was about her breast implants. Having initially done this, to fit in, to feel love in herself she had these removed 10 years later. Recognising that she needed to love herself first and foremost she is now in a place where she is able to live with happiness and comfort in her own body and mind, but also help many other people too.

A beautiful conversation with some amazing takeaways for you all to learn and grow from. I urge you to check the YouTube version which has more content and fewer edits to get everything from this episode.

Some Key Time stamps:

[03:30] Why do we do what we do?

[08:30] Triggers that affect you or others

[13:40] Don't suppress or avoid feeling your emotions

[19:40] Removing breast implants - Self Love

[29:00] Listening to other peoples opinions and beliefs

I urge you all to follow his journey:

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Amazon 5 Minute journal: https://amzn.to/31IJlGD

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Links to Andrea:

Website: https://ditchthescale.com/applypage

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thingsandreasays

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to Take Control of Your Life Now! #83

Sat, 22 Feb 2020 20:49:50 GMT

"You must become self-aware enough to recognise you have the capability to always be in control" by Aren Deu #83

This is me letting my guard down a bit. We need to promote more vulnerability and transparency, especially if we have an audience or people that listen to us. Whether it is your peers, spouse, children, parents, pupils or friends. We have to be honest about where we are in life, and we have to share not only the things that will benefit us, but also the things we are going through on a daily basis.

Since sharing my anxiety, things have changed more than you can ever imagine. I realised I am not alone. But on this episode, I speak about another area of my life I really want to take control of, just like the introduction states in the beginning. We need to at least acknowledge at the very least, we have the capability to take control of our lives. It is then we can work diligently towards that and embrace the opportunities that will enable us to do it, to truly grow. In this growth, we will become capable of controlling our vices and master ourselves. It is then we will finally be able to truly find our voice.

I hope you enjoyed this one!

Thanks for listening.

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

From Prison to Prosperity & Why You Aren't Achieving Your Goals #82

Mon, 17 Feb 2020 05:55:09 GMT

"Success Loves Speed" by Erik Salzenstein #82

Erik Talks about you have the power of change through your actions & your decisions. By building better more meaningful relationships and embracing the fact we are not alone we can achieve whatever success we want, and achieve our goals. Sometimes having an intention is not enough and to turn our life around we need to take the right action and this requires some tips that Erik speaks about in this episode.

But Erik's life was not always as simple as it sounds from this summary. Erik spent the first half of his current life making the odd wrong decision and recognised swiftly how these had such a negative impact on his life. Needing to change his circumstances and not just wanting to change them he made a positive change. He transformed himself from Prison to Prosperity. A truly humble and genuine soul who has become a friend not only of the show but myself. He is one who practices what he preaches and serves people with his authenticity and skill set.

Some Key Time stamps:

[02:30] Making the wrong decisions

[09:30] Prison life

[17:20] The 2 Books that Changed Eriks Life

[30:00] Stretching Your Comfort Zone

I urge you all to follow his journey:

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Amazon 5 Minute journal: https://amzn.to/31IJlGD

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Links to Erik:

Website: https://eriksalzenstein.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/salzenstein/?hl=en

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Erik-Salzenstein-139557716769533/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

5 Ways to Change Your Perspective To Increase Happiness, Fulfilment & Find Your Voice #81

Thu, 13 Feb 2020 05:55:03 GMT

"Perspective is everything" by Aren Deu #81

Now one great thing about human being is we have the capability to take on a different perspective at any given time.

For example, let me try to use my Mind reading tactics and see into your lives right now.

For those of you who are driving to work, thinking my god, another day, I can’t wait for the weekend or to get this dreaded meeting out the way.

How about we choose the perspective off, I have a beautiful car, that I can afford to fuel up, stay warm in and drive to work and attend meetings that people trust me in and earn a wage to enjoy my weekend antics?

Simple right?

But what about those of you listening to this on a weekend or at home just feeling sluggish or not with it? Thats okay BTW, but let's shift gears and your perspective here too.

How much more fortunate are you than the millions of people who don’t have access to mobiles, warm centra healing, a roof over the head or the ability to consume information to help move them forward?

How fortunate are you that at the press of a few buttons you can instantly change your state and mindset and become happier. For some that isn’t as easy, and they have a tougher task. Especially if they aren’t in a safe environment like yourself.

So I think you get where I am going with this right?

Sometimes what we see, experience, and believe is not completely valid or true.

Now you can also do this with people too.

I am sure many of us, myself included, have judged someone through our own thoughts, experiences and views. But have we taken a second to reflect back and think how is that person coping, or why are they acting this way?

Now of course that particular example could just be that person being an absolute douche, but haven’t you done things you aren’t always proud off? Most likely when we see people act or say things that we often find strange, odd, offensive or “wrong” it comes from a place or experience way earlier than when they actually said it.

I've had arguments or shall I call them disagreements that have only started because I’ve been frustrated about something entirely different I never settled.

Crazy hey?

Now this is an episode I want to expand on, maybe in the future because it really does drive everything we do. Our thoughts, actions and emotions are linked so heavily with our very own perspective but for now here are 5 quick ways to change your perspective:

1. Look for something positive in every single situation. Sometimes this is more difficult than we can imagine. Having the majority of my adversities through losing people close to me, one thing I will forever be grateful for is having them in my life at one stage, having their relationships and those memories in my thoughts forever. Or how about losing your job? Something I have had many listeners reach out to me about. Great this shows you a few things. 1 THE ONLY security is your own development and skill set and this should never be sidelined whilst working for someone else. 2 maybe you have a chance to find a better venture or try something you always wanted. Or 3 well losing a job is better than losing something more important, like your health or someone near or dear to you.

2. Always look at the end goal or bigger picture. I always have a mantra I live by and ask myself, when stuff goes wrong, what is this teaching me right now? How much better will I be in 6, 12 18 months time as a result of this experience? This helps trust me.

3. Smile. So I suck at disagreements. I am either non cooperating or I’m like the worst person to ever get into a fight with. But one thing that has always helped is smiling! Honestly, next time your angry or upset or thinking in ways that dont serve you, force yourself to smile or laugh, or find something that makes you do it. Watch your state change and mood boost!

4. Help people. When you help those in need, or those who can't do anything back for you I promise you the perspective changes and your levels of gratitude and appreciation for your own circumstances increase. Help someone cross the road, or maybe buy them a coffee or spend an hour with them if they don't have family or friends around. These little kindness gestures will show you that on a grand scheme of things, there’s more important things to life and alter your perspective for the better

5. Listen back to some older episodes. Now if you have listened to them all, then you know deep down what I am about to say is true. The perspective shift you can get from seeing someone, with the same situation, or maybe even worse than you get up, dust themselves off and preserve towards finding their voice should immensely alter your perspective. The times I feel low, I think of episode 4 Joshua, or the times I curse cancer for its sickness across my family I think of Louise & Bep on episodes 14 & 17 respectively. There is always someone out there with worse cards playing the game better than you. That should inspire and motivate you to want to grow, to want to change and to want to alter your perspective.

So before I continue bashing on at you all in hopes you really at least try a few of these to shift your perspective to better serve not only yourselves but those around you, I am going close the show here.

I am hopeful that these episodes really do provide tangible takeaways and insights for you to truly find your way in life, truly find your voice and to overcome whatever thoughts you currently have in your head that aren’t quite serving you.

So until next time I hope you have an awesome day and once again I thank you all for listening

Thanks for listening.

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Overcoming Domestic Violence ft Sarah Davis #80

Mon, 10 Feb 2020 05:55:25 GMT

"Tales of broken chains" by Sarah Davis #80

A courageous woman who gives a platform for others to share their stories and her own, unapologetically Sarah Davis brings some joy into this episode. Having been in an abusive relationship Sarah found it difficult to find herself and voice due to the trauma it caused her. But now, an aspiring entrepreneur who hosts the Broken Chains Podcast Sarah is enjoying herself, loving herself and finding her voice.

An infectious personality as you will see from the YouTube version of this podcast, Sarah has come out the other side of adversity but as she states early on in this episode, you have to do it for you. You have to take control of your life, because nobody else can do it for you.

Let us know your thoughts and reach out to Sarah and follow her journey as I am sure you will find huge value from her.

Some Key Time stamps:

[06:15] Overcoming Abusive Relationships

[10:30] Finding your voice & purpose

[16:30] School systems are failing us

[23:20] Journaling is key

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Amazon 5 Minute journal: https://amzn.to/31IJlGD

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Links to Sarah:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brokenchainsradio/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SDavis14

Podcast: Broken Chains Radio

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Putting People on a Pedestal is Destroying Your Gifts #79

Thu, 06 Feb 2020 05:55:18 GMT

"Don't compare yourself to 1 area of someone elses life" by Aren Deu #79

Putting people on a pedestal is a dangerous game that will not serve you. It simply has no benefit to your happiness or mental health. Furthermore, it will cause you to behave and act in a manner that actually adds very little to your own progress. Now I am not sitting here preaching about this, like I haven't done it. I have. I have put people on a pedestal many times in the past. But since I stopped doing that, my world started to change. Since I started to recognise my own powers, traits and strengths I became much happier in my own skin. I want this for you too.

So there’s a few reasons we need to stop this

1. Yes the first is comparison is the thief of joy, but if you are comparing yourself with an influencer or a rich person because you don’t have many followers or much money, the chances are you will begin to feel low and almost indirectly subconsciously conform to that persons narrative. You will Be more likely to believe or listen to them on their own matters and personal opinions irrespective of what the truth actually is. Why is this a problem?

2. Well the second point is it forces you to not think. It forces you to hold someone in such high esteem based off 1 or 2 traits you then loosely accept their views and don't give yourself the chance to conjure and manifest your own thoughts that's a dangerous place! You will just simply become a sheep and for what? Is it because you have a few less pounds in your account You are so worth more than that.

3. What about their other values and characteristics? Listen I am all for people creating wealth and earning shit loads of money. It'll eradicate many of your daily stresses and struggles, it’ll teach you money isn’t the be and end all and it’ll also hopefully, if you're a good person which I know you are if you made it this far or listen to these types of podcasts do more good in the world. But what about their integrity? Their values? Their charitable nature? Are they treating their spouse right? Do they treat the janitor at the local store the same way they treat investors or show themselves on social media? How do they speak to their parents, or their children? I could go on. But so often we look at what we are lacking, and try to find that in others.

4. Now this moves me onto point 4. We need to look at what we find inspiring in others and leave it there. We need to not compare, or down value ourselves and recognise that we all have our own journeys. You may have excelled far greater in compassion and kindness than financial gain. So now all you need to do is work out how to level up your finances, or social status or physique depending on what you need or desire. We need to move the conversation back to ourselves and work on masking our potential out so that we can in turn, be proud of ourselves. Progression is key in this and although I encourage looking t people for the blueprint or who have it as a reason why its possible for you, I never want it to be a reason why you disregard your own voice, your own skills and ability to do and become much more.

So I just wanted to leave it there as this is something I've done too. I've been doing work of service most my life. I've always tried to be as kind as possible, I've always remained loyal to my spouse, my friends and family. Yet I have too been in situations where I've held people in high regard because they’ve had more influential stance than me or more money. But now I don't. You see I recognised very quickly, my relationships and thoughts are the key to my own happiness. I have amazing relationships and as I progress I'm slowly having more empowering and greater thoughts. These thoughts in turn lead to better decisions and actions and my life is pretty kick ass right now!

Had I stayed in comparison mode, who knows how id feel about myself? Who knows how far id push myself or think for myself.

I do not want you to just be a drifter through your life, a term I took from an incredible book ill be filling you all in very soon!

Thanks for listening.

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

From shooting Your Husbands Mistress, Drug Addiction & County Jail to & 26 Years Sober #78

Mon, 03 Feb 2020 05:55:12 GMT

"I believe that love is action" by Wendy Adamson #78

Wendy Adamson, has a story that sounds like it is from a Hollywood movie. Almost so morbid and depressive, when we signal the events but one that has a bright light at the end of the tunnel. Distraught and riddled with adversity, Wendy has seen her own mother who was diagnosed Schizophrenic commit suicide. She has seen first hand the problems drugs and alcohol can have on a family. Yet during her early years she was unable to change her circumstances and her choices led to her having a psychotic breakdown and following the footsteps of her mom.

To make things worse, Wendy then ended up shooting at the mistress of her husband and found her life spiralling out of control straight into country jail. Needing to now take action, and accountable for her decisions and choices Wendy started with forgiveness. She began to show her sons the love of a mother through her actions. Now a women of service Wendy shares her stories of adversity and experience to help others. Someone who is an author, a motivational speaker and activity. Wendy is such a courageous women who speaks her truth to inspire and help others.

A truly incredible story, and having experienced the effects of alcohol in my own family, I ordered her book straight after this show to hopefully give hope to my family who are struggling with addiction. it always helps having a blueprint, of someone who has overcome the trauma, ptsd and problems we have experienced in our lives.

Some Key Time stamps:

[01:15] Wendy's story

[06:45] Psychotic break

[08:00] Shooting her husbands mistress

[22:20] Wendys book - Mother Load her experiences and story

[29:00] Importance of being of value

[40:00] Inspite of adversity we can become and do more

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Links to Wendy:

Website: https://wendyadamson.com

Mother load book by Wendy Adamson: https://amzn.to/36Q4UWP

Wendys son's Instagram: https://havasole.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/2jedi/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stop Being a Perfectionist #77

Thu, 30 Jan 2020 05:55:20 GMT

"Perfect doesn't exist" - Aren Deu #77

Perfectionism is nothing to be proud of. Trust me, I used to wear it as a badge of honour daily. However, I have since realised it was just an excuse to not take action, to procrastinate and just delay my goals. So having had some recent feedback from listeners, who believed I had it all figured out, I felt it necessary to share the truth. (YouTube video, will be out tomorrow)

Also it is my goal, to ensure the listeners of find your voice aren't just talkers. Instead, I want you to be doers, to be action takers and be about it!! Finding your voice is about taking control of your life, overcoming your struggles and adversity and yes Finding Your Voice.

So off the back of a few listeners, one in particular, thinking I had my anxiety shyness conquered, oh you are so wrong!

Remember I am about as normal as you can get and just like you all. I get stressed, worried, nervous and anxious. I get frustrated, angry

overwhelmed too. To make matters worse, I know how to conquer many of these emotions, or at least control them. I have so much wisdom from my guests that I sometimes know the right thing to do, but even then I don't always do it.

So listen, it's okay to feel crappy, act crappy and be crappy on the odd occasion. Just remember not to make it a habit. The point is we just need to move forward from that, and we just need to try better next time. I guess that comes down to the right habits and discipline, executing and course correcting.

So whatever you have in your heart, feel it.

Whatever you have in your mind, speak it.

Whatever you want to do, just go out and do it please.

If one thing I learned this week is that life its just too bloody fragile.

I want to send my thoughts and condolences to the friends and family of those who lost someone in the tragic helicopter crash.

RIP (apologies if I pronounce this wrong):

Ara Zobayan

Sarah Chester

Payton Chester

Christina Mauser

Keri Altobelli

John Altobelli

Alyssa Altobelli

GigI Bryant

‘& Kobe Bryant

I want to also leave you on a quote that I saw from twitter that I just hope will stop you procrastinating and take note of the important things in your life, cherish them and make the most of every single second you have in this beautiful world.

“Leaving your home and getting back safely is such an underrated blessing”

#blackmamba

Thanks for listening.

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe

https://youtu.be/q1YHHgPnuy8

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Panic attacks, Narcissism, Gaslighting & NLP explained by Nick Davies #76

Mon, 27 Jan 2020 05:55:45 GMT

"Blast Your Past" by Nick Davies #76

Nick Davies joins us on Find Your Voice to discuss; Panic attacks, Narcissism, Gaslighting, NLP & much more in this amazing episode.

An episode that I wanted to bring all you amazing listeners to really you take control of your lives. Nick Davies shares his 2 incredible protocols to help manage stress, overwhelm and anxiety within 5-10 minutes. These two protocols are called: The Lima Protocol and also the Tapping Protocol.

The Lima and Tapping Protocol are put onto a separate video for you all to gain access too:

Alongside this, we also discuss narcissist people and their cognitive blind spots, dissonance and the way they can harm people in society. Furthermore, the use of NLP to manipulate people is also discussed with Nick explaining certain things you should all be aware off.

But this is, just some of the amazing takeaways in this episode, as Nick also shares his work ethic, passion and tells a wonderful story of persistence and graft. An authentic individual, who overcame panic attacks, a stab wound to the heart and being dead for almost 25 minutes!

Miracles do happen, and with some of these techniques you wouldn't be far off thinking they are miracles too. As an anxious person myself, the use of these techniques have massively helped me personally, so I felt it my duty to share it with yourselves.

https://ndhypnotherapy.wordpress.com/

Some Key Time stamps:

Key timestamps:

[04:40] Nicks introduction to NLP in 1996

[07:00] The difference between Anxiety & Panic attacks

[07:55] Being stabbed in the heart

[11:40] The LIMA Protocol - To help you with your anxiety (available on separate YouTube Video} https://youtu.be/q1YHHgPnuy8

[17:40] The Tapping Protocol - To help you with stress, frustration or lower mood (available on separate YouTube Video} https://youtu.be/q1YHHgPnuy8

[23:45] NLP being used the wrong way

[36:00] Nick analysing my own body language

[43:30] Narcissist Traits explored - They think their right

[49:30] A Powerful Lesson of Perseverance & Hard work

Key Quotes by Nick:

On anxiety:

"Anxiety, is a fear of the future. A future based emotion"

"If you got anxiety, this is a precursor to panic"

On why Affirmations won't work:

Affirmations do not work, unless your in the alpha state"

"Your brain won't accept suggestions unless your in that alpha state"

On narcissists

"A narcissistic type of person, has to have an outrageous type of personality. When you analyse them, these people are very insecure"

"Whether there a murderer, burglar or narcissist, they don't know their that person. What they think their doing, they think their right."

"Cognitive blind spots are things where your unaware that your doing bad things"

On everyone moving forward:

"Trust yourself"

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Links to Nick:

Website for free resources: https://ndhypnotherapy.wordpress.com/

Nicks website: http://www.ndhypnotherapy.com/

YouTube video for LIMA/Tapping Protocol: https://youtu.be/q1YHHgPnuy8

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nick.p.davies.3

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ndhypnotherapy/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why Failure is Necesary? #75

Thu, 23 Jan 2020 05:05:24 GMT

"I was once the king of failing" - Aren Deu #75

We will all fail at things in our life. Or how I now like to say, we will all have many opportunities in our life to learn and grow from things that didn't quite go according to plan. These opportunities are moments that we must acknowledge as important timestamps in our life that will help us level up. They will help us become wiser, gain invaluable experience and teach us so much about ourselves. It is for this reason alone, I want to encourage you all to stretch your comfort zone and begin to embrace 'failure'. Give yourselves the opportunities to become better by learning in the midst of obstacles and challenges that life will throw your way. The 3 points I discuss in this episode are shown below and I sincerely hope they add value.

Get a reward from your failures as Eric Thomas says
It gets easier next time
It builds character

Thanks for listening.

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

From Quitting Your Job Without a Backup Plan to Making an Difference in the World #74

Mon, 20 Jan 2020 05:55:05 GMT

"Making a difference matters at any scale" by Chris Bello #74

An incredible story from a wonderful guy. Chris Bello echoes a life so similar to my own. Giving up work without a backup plan, jumping into real estate and also having a podcast to help impact and empower people. Also alongside this, Chris has gone on a similar personal development journey where he now sees himself as someone able to advise and help people overcome their mindset issues and improve their productivity hacks.

A conversation I thoroughly enjoyed and one I guess that made me feel better about some decisions in my life I often roll my eyes up at. Yet the one thing we both have in common more than just our job titles, is our true desire to serve and impact more people. Making a difference matters at any scale, regardless of whether its 1 person or 1 million and this is a mantra we both live by. A great individual who I highly recommend you follow post this show and if you are interested in freebies, check his links out below & subscribe to his podcast:

Some Key Time stamps:

Key timestamps:

[03:35] Chris' Story with no back up plan

[07:10] Importance of consistency in Podcasting

[13:15] Some daily habits Chris uses

[20:00] The benefits of failures / mistakes

[27:00] Chris legacy

Key Quotes by Chris:

"Making a difference matters at any scale, regardless of whether its 1 person or 1 million".

"Consistency over time and continuing to plant seeds, that will result in improving the world overall"

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Links to Chris:

Free download: https://chrisbello.com/productivity/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chrisbello09/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/chrisbello1990

Website: https://chrisbello.com/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

10 Successful Habits to help you Find Your Voice & Crush Your Goals Part 2 #73

Thu, 16 Jan 2020 05:55:49 GMT

"Comparison is the thief of Joy" - Theodore Roosevelt #73

This is part 2, so if you haven't heard part 1 I recommend you go and check that out first by clicking -->here<--

So having interviewed almost a 70 people now, from all over the world, I wanted to share some important success habits they shared on their episodes. Now if you are a true Find Your Voice fan, you will recognise all of these, but even then I hope it will jog your memory and come as an important reminder of habits you may not be implementing that you potentially could.

Also, I want to make sure that these habits, are explained and that you recognise, that you do not need to do all of these. Trust me that would be so overwhelming and drive you absolutely mad!

But what I do massively encourage is that you at least play around with a few of these and give yourself that hour or 2 a day to really try to put yourself first in order to achieve your goals and achieve excellence in your life.

Enjoy & don't forget to check part 1 -->here<--

10 successful habits part 2

- [1] Surround yourself with successful people

- [2] Believe in yourself

- [3] Turn off your damn phone

- [4] Watch yourself daily

- [5] Increasing your streams of income

- [6] Invest in assets

- [7] Gratitude journal

- [8] Think positively

- [9] Wake up early

- [10] Self love

Further information recommended on the following podcast episodes:

Episode 52 10 Ways to Become Selfless by Being More Selfish: https://shows.acast.com/findyourvoice/episodes/10-self-love-tips

Episode 58 5 Ways to be Kind to Yourself, When You Feel Low: https://shows.acast.com/findyourvoice/episodes/bekindtoyourself

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Should You Drop Out of College? #72

Mon, 13 Jan 2020 05:55:40 GMT

"Live peacefully doing what you love" by Evan Bradley Johnson #72

Evan Bradley Johnson dropped out of college, when he recognised quickly the corporate life was not for him. He wanted to be an entrepreneur, and that he did. He took over from his mothers business and has not looked back since. A different perspective, for the listeners of find your voice, that I hope you find useful. Finding Your Voice, or your way in life, can come through any avenue. Now I never want to prescribe something so matter of fact to you, without at least giving a balanced argument.

But the one thing I would strongly suggest you all do, moving forward in 2020, is to look at your life and see if its making you truly happy and fulfilled. If it is not, then you may need to reassess and look at where you need to go. Once you have this, I urge you to reverse engineer the process and find a way of becoming that person worthy and capable of living out those dreams.

Some great honest insights from an entrepreneur that aren't often discussed too within this episode that I am sure, those experienced or even newbies embarking on the journey will benefit from. Other topics discussed were finding things that make you happy and the importance of mindset.

Some Key Time stamps:

Key timestamps:

[05:00] Evan's entrepreneurial start

[07:28] The Best & Worst thing about being an entrepreneur

[16:50] Never forget how far you have come

[17:10] Evan's health problems

[25:40] Taking time for the things that you enjoy

Key Quotes by Evan:

"it's okay to have goals and try to achieve, but try to remember to take a step back and remember that there is a life happening to you in this moment, and its okay to take a breathe and enjoy that".

"Nothing is a perfectly great answer"

"Drop out of college"

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://shows.acast.com/findyourvoice/episodes/5-ways-on-how-to-become-more-self-aware

Links to Evan:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100012678490353

Website: http://www.ipodcastedit.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

10 Successful Habits to help you Find Your Voice & Crush Your Goals #71

Thu, 09 Jan 2020 05:55:05 GMT

"Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence" - Vince Lombardi #71

Also, I want to make sure that these habits, are explained and that you recognise, that you do not need to do all of these. Trust me that would be so overwhelming and drive you absolutely mad!

Enjoy & stay tuned for part 2

10 successful habits

- [1] Planning the next day

- [2] Identify your weaknesses and strengths

- [3] Exercise

- [4] Journaling

- [5] Nutrition + Hydration

- [6] Self reflection / assessment

Further information on episode 54

- [7] 30 minutes of self development

- [8] Goal setting - reviewing and visualising

Further information on episode 69

https://shows.acast.com/findyourvoice/episodes/how-to-crush-your-goals-in-2020-69

- [9] Affirmations / Self talk

- [10] Develop a Growth Mindset

Further information on episode 40

https://shows.acast.com/findyourvoice/episodes/3-ways-to-fix-a-broken-mindset

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Tips on Becoming a Better You with Damien Rider #70

Mon, 06 Jan 2020 05:55:03 GMT

"Heart of the Sea" by Damien Rider #70

This was the most difficult podcast episode I had to title as it could have been titled so so many things, due to the insights and knowledge Damien dropped. His tag line reads: 'Triumph over adversity', overcoming PTSD, trauma and adversity is something Damien does as good as most. An incredible individual focused on surpassing his own mental and physical capabilities each and every day. A TedX speaker, an author, an ultra athlete world record holder but more important, at least in my eyes, a true humanitarian.

An individual who has experienced trauma via child abuse in his own days, has now turned his life into inspiring and helping others cope. He is not someone who hashtags key phrases, but rather someone who spends time actually taking time out of his day to make an impact. To support survivors and those he can. A truly delightful experience for myself, to have connected with someone who inspires me and shows me that anything is possible.

The YouTube Video is also live, although the sound waves of the oceans and horses in the background may distract you!

Key timestamps:

[05:15] Damien Story of overcoming Child Abuse

[08:45] Humanitarian acts of making a difference, for Child abuse awareness

[11:20] Tips on how to achieve your goals or overcome your adversity

[16:20] Everybody has their ups & downs

[21:15] Fun Part of the Show

[24:30] Damiens Final Message

Key Quotes by Damien:

"Test yourself daily"

"People forget the challenges that they have gone through life.."

"I have taken away the words, try, fail & impossible and replaced them with do, learn & possible"

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Links to Damien Rider:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/damienrider

Website: https://www.damienrider.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to Crush Your Goals in 2020 #69

Thu, 02 Jan 2020 05:55:26 GMT

"How To Crush Your Goals in 2020" by Aren Deu #69

Yes we’ve heard it all before, but have you ever tried these 5 tips to make your goals and dreams come true?

Don’t worry, it will cost you nothing but time and a bit of effort.

New year, new decade, new me and all that, let’s make it worthwhile!

So in true find your voice format, I want to give you 5 ways to absolutely crush 2020, and guess what, It's Free!

If not, you will of course get your money back ;)! Just kidding.

Okay enough bad jokes, lets get going!

1 Reflection of 2019

2 Write them goals down!

3 Be intentional about your life

4 Reverse engineer success

5. Look after yourself

Now of course I can list at 37 more points here, but for now let's just try and master these simple 5 methods.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Change Your Habits to Change Your Life #68

Mon, 30 Dec 2019 05:55:58 GMT

"Just Do It" by Morgan Gillis #68

Morgan has had her fair share of career ventures until she really started to find her way via her habit coaching. Recognising, through self reflection, that her life was not heading the way it should have been, she swiftly realised it was her habits that were determining her levels of success and progress. As a result of this, she started to work on herself and changing her habits, to ensure her goals and life moving forward was the life she wanted.

She now coaches people with their daily habits, entrepreneurs mainly, and openly shares her flaws and vulnerabilities as she does wants to remain fully transparent at not having it all figured out, and recognises she is just like all of us here, still finding her own voice and finding her way in the world. A bundle of energy and one who is destined to achieve so so much more in 2020 and following years. I urge you all to follow her journey and get your positive habits started today!

Key timestamps:

[04:45] Leaving the standard path of life

[12:30] Morgans lowest points in her life

[20:30] Morgans habits

[28:25] Embracing Fear

[36:55] Fun part of the show

[40:15] Trust your heart & Intuition

Key Quotes by Morgan:

"Just do it"

"I knew my story had power and had difficulty sharing it with anyone"

"I want to go here, but I am still a waitress"

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Links to Morgan:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thehabitscoach/

21 day challenge: http://21daysofchallenge.com/goalsetting/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Overcoming Your Childhood Trauma #67

Mon, 23 Dec 2019 05:55:52 GMT

"I'm Still Here" by Mike McBride #67

Mike is an infectious human being who shares his vulnerabilities and story to the world, to not only escape his own thoughts and release but to help other people. Mike has recognised through him sharing his story and finding his voice, post surviving child abuse. A sincere man, with a purpose to let people know they aren't alone and that there are ways of overcoming trauma as a child, or any abuse we may suffer.

He also discusses some incredible points around, intentional living and how this would enhance the happiness and fulfilment for all of us. Amongst this, we discuss the need to do the work on ourselves with specialists when trauma is the problem. The healing, the overcoming of shame and coming out the other side is necessary but it requires work. Real, hard work that sometimes we may want to avoid or shy away from. But only until we feel the wound can we heal the wound, as the great Robin Sharma quotes.

An absolute pleasure to have Mike on the show and I thank him for his transparency and words.

Key timestamps:

[05:00] Mike sharing his child abuse story through blogging

[08:25] Child abuse is NOT your fault.

[09:40] Why me?

[16:28] Living Intentionally

[22:22] Dissociating yourself from abuse

[28:45] Fun part of the show

[33:55] The Story of Dunkirk - "All we did was survive"

Key Quotes by Mike:

"We do the things we want to do, and don't do the things we don't want to do" [Intentional Living]

"It's not your fault' [On being abused]

'These people were going to hurt someone. They were broken, they were damaged and they were looking for someone to hurt...And I just happened to be in the space when it happened" [On being abused]

I urge you all to please follow Mike and support his amazing journey.

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21 Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Book mentioned:

Healing the Shame that binds you: https://amzn.to/2sU8mkI

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Links to Mike:

All links to Mikes work: https://linktr.ee/childabusesurvivornet

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why Men Should Talk - Mens Mental Health #66

Thu, 19 Dec 2019 05:55:53 GMT

"Take care of yourselves and more importantly of each other. May your god bless you and if you don't believe in god, believe in yourself because someone who doesn't believe in anything, will always be lost" - Kev Dillon

The Black Country Blokes Podcast Host Kev Dillon stops by! #66

Kev Dillon is one of the greatest human beings I have the pleasure to call my friend. A man refusing to be defied by his disability of only having 7% vision, he spends his waking hours not only battling with his own thoughts and mind, but even more inspiringly he helps others as much as he can.

He is a coach, helping children as young as 7, a loving father and husband and just a genuine soul who refuses to let the adversities life has thrown at him keep him down. A boxing lover, he uses the analogy of getting back up when life hits him and coming back for one more round.

But why Kev came on today, was just as important for me as it was for him. Kev has helped me out of a dark place recently, but he has also helped 100s of others with a new venture he has started. The Black Country Blokes Podcast.

This is something I have the privilege of being a part of, with 2 other amazing guys Lee Cadman and Craig Pinches. But Kevs work on this is second to none. Having found his voice he is now receiving heart felt messages from people all over saying how the episodes have truly changed and helped them so much.

Someone who's actions match his words and only who ever preaches what he is too willing to do himself. A friend, a brother, a father, a husband, a coach and just an overall great man who is now making a dent in the self-help mental health space with real life experience and raw and honest truths.

The Black Country Podcast links are below and I urge you all to follow these, men and women!

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Links to guest:

Black Country Blokes Podcast: https://shows.acast.com/bcb

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kevlionsdillon/

Boxing Club: Lions Boxing Club - Bull Street, Brierly Hill, DY3 3RA

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClofpY6MBQPrISQ53HHxxUA

#JustDeuIt & #FindYourVoice

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stabbed & Clinically Depressed at 15 to Finding Power in Empathy #65

Mon, 16 Dec 2019 05:55:22 GMT

"Change 1 world every single day" by Ally Salama #63

Ally Salama is a Social Entrepreneur, Speaker, Podcaster, Ex Pro Athlete who is a mental health ambassador. His work has stemmed from suffering with clinical depression himself. Something he openly admits to never understanding before being diagnosed with it himself. However, depression forced him to take a look at himself and in turn, address his own motives and understand himself on a deeper level. Now creating a huge movement and raising awareness in the Middle East for mental health Ally's message is sincere, authentic and powerful. He is changing the conversation around mental health.

Ally has also had his fair share of adversity, from being stabbed at 15 to recognise the true gift and gratitude of life we all have today. He is now determined to never let that blessing of being alive become forgotten, for he is actively now aiming to change 1 world every single day through empathy. He is a people person, someone who after 2 hours of conversation will remain a friend for life. He, similar to myself, preach empathy and compassion and by putting people first, over anything else will result in bigger rewards, higher fulfilment and more happiness.

Someone I am proud to now call a friend, although I see him like a wiser younger brother, I urge you all to follow his journey and help him on his empowering movements.

Key timestamps:

[04:45] Ex Pro Athlete with a Broken Mindset

[10:10] The Strongest People in the World, Have the Biggest Hearts

[21:40] Anxiety & Our Mobile Phones

[24:00] Happiness & Relationships + Stabbing Story

[30:00] Running 100 miles after a 3rd attempt

[41:30] Women Empowerment

Key Quotes by Ally

"he Strongest People in the World, Have the Biggest Hearts"

"Empathy Always wins"

I urge you all to please follow Ally and support his amazing journey.

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21 Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Links to Ally:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/allysalama

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7ZOXxqug0twnzRizJTgCzg

Magazine: https://empower-mag.com/author/allysalama/

Website: https://www.allysalama.com/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

3 Books to Help You Overcome Worry, Stress, Anxiety & Find Your Purpose #64

Thu, 12 Dec 2019 05:55:39 GMT

3 Books to Help You Overcome Worry, Stress, Anxiety & Find Your Purpose #64

I have read many books over the years, but very few have had such a profound effect on my life. These 3 books have massively helped me level up and served me well. They have helped me deal with my emotions, anxiety, stress and make better informed decisions. On top of that they have provided tangible actions that I can implement daily whilst motivating me to want to do and become more too.

I can recommend 100s of books that offer similar messages, but these 3 came straight to mind when I thought about the stages of my life where I was able to really level up and use the wisdom in these pages. They also differ from the obvious "Think & Grow Rich, As a man thinketh and other popular books people love to read".

If you want to check these out, I've provided links below:

BOOK 1

The Chimp Paradox - Dr Steve Peters

https://amzn.to/38rMOfR

This book will help you control your emotions to help you act in your own best interest when you make decisions.

“The Person that you want to be is, the person that you really are” - Dr Steve Peters

BOOK 2

How to stop worrying & Start Living

https://amzn.to/2YHrw9p

This will help you put stop losses on stresses and grief. It will help you when you suffer with overwhelm or confusion. Allow you to manage today, not consumed by yesterday or fearful of tomorrow.

“You can sing only what you are. You can paint only what you are. You must be what your experiences, your environment, and your heredity have made you. For better or for worse, you must play your own little instrument in the orchestra of life.”

BOOK 3

The Power of Purpose: Les Brown

https://amzn.to/35duPaL

This is about finding your purpose, hence the title. But it is about getting out of your own way, writing your own story, overcoming your obstacles. It will force you to question yourself and your current situation. It will also help you:

Experiencing your freedom and power, focus on your greatness, guard yourself against negativity and live each day being true to yourself.

"Ask yourself, What do I really want out of my life?" - Les Brown

I hope this episode and books add value to your life in the same way it added to mine.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to Create The Life You Actually Want by Nate Bailey #63

Mon, 09 Dec 2019 05:55:54 GMT

"Integrity Bank" by Nate Bailey #63

Nate is a man of many talents. A successful entrepreneur, real estate investor, speaker, coach and author. Along with many other talents and avenues he has pursued such as podcasting, serving his country in the war and running 100 miles (ca. 161 km) at once! But one thing from this interview that really stuck out for me, was his authenticity and integrity. Nate is a man of his word, who has used his life experiences to not only level his own life up and reach a life he is proud and happy with, but he also now helps other people too.

Recognising there has to be more to life, Nate went on a personal journey of transforming his own life. He did this by banking all the things he said he would do, into what he calls the Integrity Bank. Then through consistent actions and staying true to his word, he has achieved some incredible feats that have not only built his resilience but also his experience that he now shares with the world.

Super intentional behaviours and being clarity on all aspects of his life, Nate has really managed to mould his life into a place he is now happy with. One that now gives him a meaning, but is not just about him. Using his own words, of: "It's not all about you" Nates honest story showcases the journey of life many of us go through. We rarely have it figured out, however we can figure it out if we put the work in!

Key timestamps:

[05:25] Figuring out the purpose of life

[14:45] What do you want from life?

[24:00] Imposter Syndrome

[30:00] Running 100 miles after a 3rd attempt

Key Quotes by Nate Bailey

"When emotions are high, clarity is low"

"Be super intentional"

"Its not all about you"

I urge you all to please follow Nate and support his amazing journey.

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21 Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Loving What Is - Byron Katie: https://amzn.to/35a0uKw

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Links to Nate:

Website: http://www.natebaileyspeaks.com/

Free Audible: http://www.100milemindset.com/optin30624563

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/coachnatebailey/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

5 Ways to Be Happy Now, Proven by Science #62

Thu, 05 Dec 2019 05:55:45 GMT

5 Ways to Be Happy, Backed by Science #62 - By Aren Deu

So Happiness is the #1 goal for us all. There is nobody I have yet met in this world who does not want to be happy. Yet we often forget that this is the key, and we chase elusive goals or pursuit materialistic things that serve us no real long term purpose or fulfilment.

So what I did was do a bit of research and find 5 proven happiness hacks that you can literally implement today, to help you improve your overall mood and live a much better life.

The 5 are:

Becoming aware and recognising your good & bad emotions
Social Connections
Master something + Progression
Know when to say No
Spend money on experiences & not things!

Now whether these are new to you or not, these work! So I need you to recognise them and really try to implement them in your day to day life. I promise you they will help you move the needle forward in your life.

Reach out, if you are ever having difficulty too, I am always hear to act as a soundboard as and when time permits.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Addressing Suicide Prevention & Mental Health with YouTake10 founder Chelsea #61

Mon, 02 Dec 2019 14:32:12 GMT

"Kindness matters, matched with uncomfortability" by Chelsea Von #61

The journey of finding one's individual purpose is crucial for us all to really understand what we are meant to do in this very short space of time on this Earth. For Chelsea, this came through seeing her parents battle with mental health, bipolar disorder and seeing her own mom tragically take her life. Chelsea has had to grow up quicker than most and deal with her own mental health having seen the ill effects that it can have, not just on day-to-day life but also for those of us who struggle to continue. Now starting her initiative of the YouTake10 Project,

Chelsea is trying to change the conversation and to create and spread awareness of kindness, compassion but more so, ensuring she addresses the mental health and suicide stigmas that exist.

This was our first ever live YouTube recording, where you will see mistakes, nervousness, but raw genuine conversations about what we both believe can help people move forward. Chelsea shares her deepest vulnerabilities and stories to hopefully spread light and help others recognise that they are not alone. That together we are strong, with kindness and compassion and together we can learn to manage our own well-being better, so that we can then serve others much better.

I urge you all to please follow and support this amazing project, The YouTake10 Project. It is one that I feel strongly about and believe will change the future for so many people.

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21 Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qcDTu0ejQA

Links to Chelsea:

Instagram (YouTake10): https://instagram.com/youtake10project

Instagram (Personal): https://instagram.com/curlswithsoul

YouTube: https://youtu.be/3clD7bbCx68

The 1st Ever Find Your Voice YouTube Video:

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why Positive Thinking Doesn't Work #60

Thu, 28 Nov 2019 05:55:40 GMT

Why Positive Thinking Doesn't Work #60 - By Aren Deu

So as we embark on our personal development journey, we often recognise that Positive thinking, although is great, doesn't always work.

Sadly, positive thoughts alone won't necessarily single handedly change your circumstances. If you listened to Episode 59, with Dr Linda Williams or follow one of my favourite neuroscientists Dr Joe Dispensa, you would have likely heard positive thinking doesn't always work.

There is science behind it & hopefully I articulate that well enough in this episode to add some value and help you really take control & start to slowly change your life.

Key quotes:

"Practice makes permanent" - Unknown

"To change your personal reality, you need to change your personality" - Dr Joe Dispensa

"“Neurons that fire together, wire together.” - Unknown

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to Turn Your Pain Into Purpose with Dr Linda F. Williams #59

Mon, 25 Nov 2019 05:55:41 GMT

"She did it anyway" by Dr Linda F. Williams #59

Don't believe the lie that fear is the end of your story.

"It's not what other people think about us, its what we think about ourselves that keeps us back" - Dr Linda F. Williams

So, Dr. Linda F. Williams, DSW is a Certified Executive Coach is a lady who I now hold dear to my heart. Our conversation went via many directions but her messages, were all so sincere and authentic. A lady who has had to overcome horrific moments of adversity such as: Domestic violence and Rape now teaches us the importance of Sharing Your Story & Finding Your Voice.

The trauma she has been on, has seen her develop a resilience mindset but more importantly than that a heart willing to forgive. Now a trained psychotherapist, nationally recognized behaviourist, and Emotional Intelligence Consultant Linda wants to ensure others are able to overcome their adversities.

Some time stamps of some key topics:

[04:40] The Problem with Ignoring Your Trauma

[09:40] Why You Need to Share Your Story

[15:25] Linda's Voice

[33:00] The Power of Forgiveness

[42:40] Why Positive Affirmations Don't Always Work

I urge you all to follow her amazing journey, share this episode with anyone you think it will help and go out there and Find Your Voice.

Free Audible book sign up:

Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Links to Dr Linda Williams:

Website: https://www.whoseapple.org/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/whoseappledynamic

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LindaFWilliamsMSW

Twitter: https://twitter.com/whoseapple

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lindafwilliams

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8GJ5I5BQvQ

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

5 Ways to be Kind to Yourself, When You Feel Low #58

Thu, 21 Nov 2019 05:55:41 GMT

"Do Not Feel Guilty, For Prioritising Your Mental & Physical Health" by Aren Deu #58

So having these funky days, where everything seems grim, gloomy and life seems a little bleurgh!

Motivation is low, excitement is non-existent and you just sit there thinking what the hell is going on in my head?

Why am I feeling this way?

Why have I suddenly started feeling bad, or low when yesterday was perfect?

Why have I suddenly started feeling low when I have so much to look forward too.

So what I did on this very spontaneous episode, was to speak about what I actually did on my last "funky" / "low" day. Because let's be honest we can all preach over and over what we should do. But saying and doing are the 2 completely different things. So for that reason, I have given a 100% transparent account of what I did on my last "funky" day!

Yes it could be better, but it could have been worse too. What I want this episode and previous episodes to show you, is that there is no blueprint for this. But there are many ways to mitigate the adverse effects and try and move the needle back to a happier you!

I hope you find this useful, and if you are ever feeling low please do reach out!

PS for those of you have listened to my podcasts for a while, you have seen some of these short fire episodes to give you tangible takeaways. If you are new however, please check out the episodes on Self Love & Self Awareness tips previously. These are Episode #52 & #54 which I believe will massively help you move forward in life, and maintain a more positive mental state.

5 Tips recommended in this Podcast:

Make sure you take time out for you
Treat yourself
Know it will never lasts forever
Be compassionate to yourself
Speak to someone you love/trust

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Resuscitated 12 Times, 10% Chance of Surviving, 3 Life Threatening Viral Infections, The Miracle Man shares his story #57

Mon, 18 Nov 2019 05:55:57 GMT

"I Am Ant Bennett" by Anthony Bennett #57

The Inspirational Speaker Anthony Bennett shares his incredible journey on Find Your Voice this week. A recommendation from our previous guest Winston Clements Anthony shares one of the most amazing insights into his mind, story and current journey.

It is rarely an episode goes over 40 minutes but here we have so so many nuggets of takeaways that you can implement today to help you change your voice. As a result of that I felt I couldn't cut any of his interview out. His self reflection, his story, his resilience, his behaviour with himself and thought processes are something we can all take gratitude and lessons from.

Some time stamps of some key topics:

[03:00] A little about the Miracle man

[12:20] Recognising how ill he was

[18:30] Shout out to the Medical Professions

[25:00] Self awareness & Understanding Your Body

[33:40] Anthony's biggest fear & Routine

[43:50] Anthony's approach to meeting Role Models & Learn

[44:20] Knowing your self worth

[59:00] Importance of sharing your story

[61:00] Skeptas 3 parts of life

[72:00] Fun Part of the show

[78:00] The most important conversation you can have

I urge you all to follow his amazing journey, share this episode with anyone you think it will help and go out there and Find Your Voice.

Free Audible book sign up:

Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Links to Anthony:

Website: https://anthonyinspires.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/iamantbennett

Twitter: https://twitter.com/IAmAntBennett

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGAHvjXniCdKyU5yTpWmoSQ

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Power of Sharing Your Story To Combat Mental Health #56

Thu, 14 Nov 2019 05:55:54 GMT

The Power of Sharing Your Story To Combat Mental Health by Aren Deu #56

Sharing your story could change lives, no matter how mundane you think it is. This is why I encourage everyone who ever listens, or comes onto Find Your Voice to do the same. But this very short episode features the beautiful review that a young man told me about how it changed the narrative of discussion between him and his male friends. This ripple effect and acknowledgement meant the whole world to me but it also proved that even myself, who doubted my own words, could have an impact.

We forget our stories for their strength, growth and wisdom. We forget the lessons they teach us, or the lessons they can teach others. But I encourage you to not do that. I encourage you to believe in your own ability to find your voice and recognise their is beauty in your struggles, gifts in your adversities and tales that can teach a generation.

This was not a planned episode, but I thank you all for tuning in and taking something from this. It is a milestone for me personally, so I am grateful you have tuned in to share it with me.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why You Need to Share Your Story: From Poverty to Millions, Andy Audate shares his story #55

Mon, 11 Nov 2019 05:55:34 GMT

"Overcome" #55 by Andy Audate

Tagline: "You can do some crazy things in life...There is no reason to accept fear, if you have already accepted your death"

Raised in a city of impoverishment and a college dropout with little formal education; Andy took a path of entrepreneurship, forcing a course of endless self-education that has amounted to his successes. A story of breaking the stereotype and overcoming all the odds Andy is a proving that if we act, irrespective of fear we can achieve our wildest dreams.

Andy turned his hunger, into entrepreneurship starting his first businesses of eBay and never looked back since. He is now a professional speaker, author (No More Average) and serial entrepreneur changing the game for all those he works with. Having benefited from the mentorship of Les Brown, Andy is now on a path to achieve his dreams of being a billionaire and helping a billion people.

I urge you all to follow his amazing journey, share this episode with anyone you think it will help and go out there and Find Your Voice.

Free Audible book sign up:

Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Links to Andy:

Website: https://online.andyaudate.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/andyaudate

Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/andyaudate

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/andyaudate/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

5 Ways on How to Become More Self Aware #54

Thu, 07 Nov 2019 05:55:28 GMT

"We need to know why we do what we do" by Aren Deu #54

5 ways to become more self aware. Self awareness has become one of the biggest areas of personal development for me and has helped me massively create the life I want. So as a result, I feel obligated once more to share this with you. I don't just share the importance of self awareness however, I also provide 5 ways you can literally start to become self aware starting today!

This is where I hope you take action and really start controlling your life. Sooner or later, if you incorporate just some of these measures you will see very swiftly how different your life is. It has been a catalyst in my journey and something I deliberately focus on as much as possible.

The 5 ways discussed in this episode to become more self aware are:

1. Know who you are & who you are not.

2. Have an accountability partner

3. Travel

4. Meditate

5. Document

I hope you all have an amazing end to the week, or start of the week if you are listening to this late and if you have any comments or feedback on this episode give me a shout, id love to learn more or hear if they helped you!

P.s. dont forget to share this across social media & tag me in!

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

From Living with a Disability to Competing in the Paralympics, James Roberts share his story #53

Mon, 04 Nov 2019 05:55:31 GMT

"Adapt #53 by James Roberts

Tagline: "At times I wanted to be anything but disabled"

James Roberts is the host of the Mindset Athlete Podcast, a speaker, a coach and also a Paralympian who has represented his country in 2008/2012.

In this particular episode I wanted to extract the mindset of someone who has operated at the top level. I wanted to see how easy it was, or difficult to transfer the lessons of being a top athlete into other aspects and arenas in your life. I wanted to also delve into James mindset and extract his doubts, fears and see how we could dehumanise him, in the most respectful way to show us, as non-elite athletes that we too could achieve anything we truly want.

This was a fascinating discussion as James shared some of his major vulnerabilities about 75% through the show but also spoke about how he grew up as a teenager, wanting to be anything but disabled. This made my heart sink, hearing those words. Yet disciplined, consistent and persistence in his pursuit of being more and doing more James continued to achieve his dreams.

I enjoyed everything he stood for. From playing the long game, to his approach towards fat loss. His ethical, sustainable approach to helping people lose weight mirrors that of which I have taught for 8+ years. He is someone who has fought battles not just in the arena, but also within his own mind, conquering them to great success.

Some key topics discussed:

[07:00] Viewing competition as a positive

[10:00] Fad diets & Fat loss

[18:15] Questioning one's identity

[28:50] Failure is not bad

[35:08] James vulnerability of not working enough

[44:05] The importance of playing the long game

I urge you all to follow his amazing journey, share this episode with anyone you think it will help and go out there and Find Your Voice.

Free Audible book sign up:

Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Links to James:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jamesoroberts11

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jamesoroberts11

Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-mindset-athlete-podcast/id1227806049

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

10 Ways to Become Selfless by Being More Selfish #52

Thu, 31 Oct 2019 05:55:02 GMT

"Don't let the past define you, instead let it refine you" #52 by Aren Deu

Tagline: "You have to be selfish first, to be truly selfless"

This episode focuses on 10 tips you should implement for Self Love.

So YES, in a nutshell, I am telling you to be selfish, in order to truly be selfless.

Sounds a bit of a contradiction right?

Well I assure you it's not, and I say this from experience from seeing those who never put themselves first, suffer ill health.

Top 10 Tips for Self Love explained in this episode:

1. Say nice things about yourself daily.

2. Talk to yourself, how you would talk to your child.

3. Write down 3 things you have achieved this week, month or even this year.

4. Feed your mind & body daily.

5. Ask the people you love what they love about you.

6. Do something you love each day.

7. Affirmations.

8. Think about being their for those you love in the future.

9. Remove toxic people!

10. Write your own story.

I sincerely hope these short episodes give you value and even if you just take 3 or 4 of these I am 100% confident you will feel happier and more fulfilled.

Your deserve it!

AND you know what else you deserve? A mention for listening to this podcast!

So in a true shameless plug style, if you review the podcast it will be shared on social media handles and anyone who engages or shares any of the posts and tags us in on Instagram or Facebook I will personally reshare and send you some DM love!

And on that note, I just want to thank you again for taking time out of your day, and hope you have a brilliant week ahead and I look forward to seeing you next week!

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

From Domestic Violence & Homelessness to Mrs Germany World Sandahl Taylor Finds Her Voice #51

Mon, 28 Oct 2019 05:55:41 GMT

"Simply Sandahl" #51 by Sandahl Taylor

Tagline: "Be a pineapple, stand tall wear a crown and be sweet on the inside"

An inspiring story of a woman who has been a victim of domestic violence, homelessness and seen those close to her suffer major health conditions Her vision now, is to inspire and empower people to find their voice. Through finding her own voice and being able to transfer her message via pageantry, for married women, Sandahl hopes that her message will encourage people to realise their own beauty inside and out.

A huge advocate for living with kindness and having the gift of her voice and platform she is now pursuing her vision to become Miss World. Already racking up accolades like: Mrs World Germany 2020, Mrs Pennsylvania 2018 and now doing public speaking, I am confident you will see the beauty within Sandahl's story, herself and that of which she shines towards others around her.

Some key timestamps:

[03:55] Advocating for those who have no voice

[10:10] Tips to control your own life

[16:10] Camel back adventures

[28:35] Embrace your struggle

[34:35] Sandahls message to the listeners

I urge you all to follow her amazing journey, share this episode with anyone you think it will help and go out there and Find Your Voice.

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Links to Sandahl:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sandahltaylor/?hl=en

Twitter: https://twitter.com/sindelpgh?lang=en

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MrsSandahlTaylor/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

5 Ways to Live With Integrity #50

Thu, 24 Oct 2019 04:55:33 GMT

"5 Ways to Live With Integrity" #50 by Aren Deu

Tagline: "If you don't find what's important to you, you will find yourself doing what is important for others"

Hopefully these 5 steps will at least get you thinking about what Integrity means to you. It is important, that your inner dialogue and mind is in sync with your external words, actions and feelings. The full transcript is shown below for anyone who needs it, to help them.

Don't forget to share!

Transcript:

So before I BEGIN I want to explain why I believe integrity is important for finding your voice. Now used as a metaphor for finding you way in life, doing you, finding you and writing your own story: through all the conversations, research, interviews and self development I have personally done, we will only ever become truly successful when we act out of integrity.

Yes you can make short term gains, or wins trying to pull the wool over peoples eyes behind captions, smart articulated words or clever manipulative tactics.

But on the whole LIKE the great quote states:

“You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time.”

So for me its better to just do act with integrity from the onset right? Because success, true success should enviably lead you to happiness and fulfilment and that is the underlying theme and goal of this show right?

By the way I mean happiness and fulfilment meant on the inside, not on Instagram, when we act out of integrity

So just incase someone is thinking what the hell is integrity - as we don’t know what we don’t know a quick google definition explains it as the following:

Integrity

Definition:

1. the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.

2. The state of being whole and undivided

So very quickly integrity for me, stands as 1 of my core values. For me it means following my moral and ethical beliefs through & being true to myself at all times.

Now, if anyone doesn’t know me and this is the 1st interview they have stumbled across, I am not, I repeat NOT, sitting here pretending to be all righteous and holier than anyone else.

I am simply trying to live by my best code of practice and always do the right thing.

Of course the right thing can always be led to interpretation, but basic things like:

1. Being kind

2. Sticking to your word

3. Following through with your actions

4. Helping people whenever you can help people

5. Making a positive contribution to society etc etc are all some things I genuinely try my best to do.

Do I always master it? Hell no, but I try!

So it kind of brings me onto this brain dump short fire episode.

What does integrity mean to you?

I urge you to have a true think about It & irrespective of your moral and ethics code, see if you are aligned and congruent with that.

You see I think Integrity falls short if:

What you say OR

What you feel OR

What you do

Are never in sync.

For example:

1. If you say you are an honest individual, but then feel deceitful due to some of your actions, that screams alarm bells.

2. Another example is that if you feel a certain type of way but say and do things differently externally, that screams a lack of congruency and doesn’t show integrity.

So this is just some thoughts that ran through my head as the more people I meet on this journey o find your voice, the more purposeful I am about finding people with sincere honest integrity.

“After all, you’ve probably seen the famous quote:

Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it or not.”

So again, conscious of not just making this a sound dump lets give some quick takeaways on how to live with integrity:

1. Stick to your word. Actions speak louder than words. I always say this. What we say is one thing, whether that is to somebody else or even ourselves. What we need to do is follow through on those actions.

2. Understand your core values, from a moral and ethical perspective. If you don’t know what is important to you, you may find yourself doing what is important for others. Only when you truly understand yourself, who you are, and who you are not can you find your purpose and of course, find your voice!

3. Do the right thing off social media. The reason I SAY this, is because it’ll form a positive habit of adding value and contribution without the need for external applause or validation. Plus doing the right thing is the right thing! Period.

4. Know your bigger picture. Now what I mean by this, is and its very closely linked actually to point 2. Is to know your price and limits. When you have a future vision of yourself, the person you truly want to become that will come at a sacrifice. It will require, sacrificing sleep, recreational times, money, nights out etc. But it should never come at the expense of your integrity. So often I have seen people chase quick money and sell their soul. Or lie about things to get a few followers. This to me, alongside being deceitful, inauthentic and damn right annoying also screams a lost soul. Someone who doesn’t know themselves. Learn to know yourself!

5. Find people similar to yourself. I tweeted something a few days ago actually that this year is about removing people from my table. The quote wasn’t mine, before anyone goes all Jay Shetty on me, but it resonated with me. I am probably the most trustworthy person. Even after I have been lied too, cheated on, stolen from and taken a ride for on many occasions. But I live in good spirits that people do the best with what they can, and deep down most of us, as I cant guarantee all of us do, are nice people just lost. So to avoid heartache and not make the same mistakes over and over, I find myself simply upgrading my network and removing the issues wherever I can!

And there we have it!

So hopefully this adds some value to you all, as I always whole heartedly appreciate your time and value it too.

Let’s try just for this week at the very least, to follow one of these and live with Integrity!

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

An Introverts Mindset, Public Speaking & Neuroplasticity with Cynthia Thurlow #49

Mon, 21 Oct 2019 05:00:58 GMT

"Truth Seeker" by Cynthia Thurlow #49

Tagline: "She endeavoured to educate, inspire & empower a generation"

Cynthia Thurlow, is a lady of many talents. Having surpassed 4,000,000 views for her TedX talk on Intermittent fasting, it is fair to say she has had an educational, impact already! But eager to ensure her legacy lives on she continues to try to educate people in her topics of interest.

She is a nurse practitioner, entrepreneur, functional nutritionist, and a 2 time TEDx speaker. She also has a passion for helping women find wellness through the healing power of nutrition & solving health problems from the inside out. She is also a wife and mother to her boys, and has great knowledge, which we discuss on this episode, around neuroplasticity and mindset.

Some key topics moments in the episode:

[03:20] The importance of scary dreams

[11:15] Imposter syndrome

[18:55] Life changing health scare

[28:00] Fear of not being/doing enough

[38:50] Social media is an illusion

I sincerely hope you found this podcast useful and urge you to follow Winston and share your thoughts on this episode!

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Links to guest:

Website: https://cynthiathurlow.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CHTWellness/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cynthia_thurlow_/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

An immigrants story on Finding His Voice #48

Thu, 17 Oct 2019 04:55:43 GMT

"Keep going, don't give up on your journey" by Roman Prokopchuk #48

Tagline: "He did the most that he could, with what he had"

Roman shares his story on Find Your Voice this week and opens up his life. Not afraid to speak about any of his life, he speaks about the adversity of being an immigrant, moving to the USA. Alongside this, we delve into Roman's journey of finding his passion in his work, becoming an expert in is field and giving back to others. He does the latter through his fostering, where he looks after young children without homes. A great character trait, and one I can resonate personally with, it shows Roman is a man of service. He is about offering true authentic value, not just in his work space, but also in his personal life.

It was a short snappy episode, but I am sure you will agree Roman shows us all that Finding our voice is possible, irrespective of where you start from. He also proves that excuses won't provide us results, and we need to just take action and trust the process.

Some key topics moments in the episode:

[02:02] Roman explains his story

[08:03] The life of a Foster carer

[15:22] How to cope with adversity

[26:45] A lesson to his younger self about listening

I sincerely hope you found this podcast useful and urge you to follow Winston and share your thoughts on this episode!

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Links to guest:

Website & all other links: https://linktr.ee/romanprokopchuk

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/romanprokopchuk/?hl=en

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

TedX Speaker goes from breaking 200 bones to breaking limitations #47

Mon, 14 Oct 2019 04:55:17 GMT

"Delusion" by Winston Clements #46

Tagline: "The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."

Winston Clements is inspiring people all across the world as we speak, to truly break through their own limitations and what a perfect guest for a show with a similar ethos. Now unlike many of us who struggle with adversity in our life, Winston had a rare form of brittle bone disease that sadly caused him to break over 150 bones just by the age of 12!!

Yes, painful! However despite going through struggles and questioning whether he would ever be able to live a normal life, what Winston was doing throughout this journey was building an incredible amount of resilience to help him battle any adversity life would throw at him. He swiftly found a turning point in life that transformed him into the person he is today, moving onto TedX stages, inspiring 1,000s and soon 1,000,000s of people across the globe.

He is also a specialist in building resilience, diversity and overcoming adversity. Yet the beautiful thing about Winston's story is there is no sense of self pity, only a purpose driven goal to just help others with his story. I have a lot of admiration for Winston and everything that he stands for and urge you all to follow his journey! You will only be inspired!

Some key topics moments in the episode:

[02:30] Winston's condition

[13:30] Winston's mission

[20:00] How Winston builds resilience

[32:18] 3 - step process to deal with adversity

I sincerely hope you found this podcast useful and urge you to follow Winston and share your thoughts on this episode!

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Links to guest:

Website: http://winstonclements.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/WinstonSpeaker/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/winstonspeaker/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/WinstonSpeaker

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wbclements/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Overcoming 7 Miscarriages [Baby Loss Awareness Week] #46

Thu, 10 Oct 2019 04:55:27 GMT

"A drug named hope" #46 by Gurinder Mann

A story of "One womens courageous journey, through the majestic minefield we call life. From overcoming adversity to finding her voice & discovering her true calling. Gurinder now shows us that absolutely anything is possible when we live in hope & let our soul lead the way.."

Gurinder Mann shares her incredibly inspiring, emotive, raw and honest story on Find Your Voice this week. It should be noted the 9th October 2019 - 15th October 2019 is also Baby Loss Awareness week. So for that we have uploaded this special episode.

This episode features a woman, who shares her struggle of giving birth to a child and the adversity she had to overcome in experiencing 7 miscarriages. This was the first time I ever struggled to get my words out, after listening to a story and felt deep sorrow at the pain Gurinder and her husband felt through their journey.

As in true Find Your Voice style though, the lessons are in the journey and in the final results. This has a happy ending but it will teach us so so much if we allow it too. A truly inspiring lady, who has touched my heart, and I am sure will touch 1,000,000s of yours too.

For baby loss awareness week, if you have the chance to share this episode & the podcast to friends, families & peers we would truly appreciate it.

I sincerely hope you found this podcast useful and urge you to follow Gurinder's journey & check out his wonderful podcast.

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Links to guest:

Website: https://adrugnamedhope.com/about/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aDrugNamedHope/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adrugnamedhope/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to Win & Overcome anything in life with Freddy Fri #45

Mon, 07 Oct 2019 04:55:58 GMT

"Make everyday a WINSday" #45 by Freddy Fri

Tagline: "The Journey of a young man, who rose from 0 to Hero."

Freddy Fri is a famous Hip Hop Motivational Speaker on YouTube, based in Oklahoma. He specializes in the fusion of motivational speaking & hip hop in what he calls – Hip Hop motivation. His true passion & goal in life is to inspire people to “win the day, so that they can win in life".

This was a fascinating conversation with a genuinely talented, humble & wise man. We spoke about Freddy's adversities, experiences, losses & victories that have all made him the person he is today. Now realising that he can't afford to miss another shot, Freddy is determined to do things right this time around and make the most of his opportunities to truly help people put themselves in a position to WIN the day!

I also have to say, this was the best outro I have ever had on my Podcast, which I am sure you will all agree with:

Some key topics moments in the episode:

[04:09] Freddy Fri raps about his story

[15:57] What does success mean to Freddy Fri

[28:35] Freddy's message about taking a leap

[39:30] The pivotal change in Freddy's life

[56:25] The best outro ever on the show!

I sincerely hope you found this podcast useful and urge you to follow Freddy's journey & check out his wonderful podcast.

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Links to guest:

Website: http://www.freddyfri.com/about

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FredWins/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freddyfrimotivation/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuk_mX0Gl07pr9shffYXdzQ

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

5 Keystone Habits To Change Your Life #44

Thu, 03 Oct 2019 04:55:38 GMT

"5 Keystone Habits To Change Your Life" #44 by Aren Deu

Tagline: "Let's get you living your best days, everyday!"

So changing our habits is difficult. It will usually require a level of resistance. A level of sacrifice & more importantly dedication & consistency.

But let me welcome to you the ultimate type of habit. The keystone habit. The benefits of Keystone habits is explained briefly in this episode, but it will effectively have a positive dominoes effect on the rest of the areas in your life too.

So in this episode I give you 5 that if you just implemented these, you would see a huge shift & change in your life. You would notice your overall wellbeing, happiness & health improve. And isn't that the point?

So if you don't believe me I dare you to try these for 3-4 months. At the very least, youll sleep better, eat better, think better & maybe even look better.

Let me also know how you found it and if you have any other keystone habits to share too, so I can share them with the Find Your Voice community to help more people.

P.s. Any shares of the podcast, this episode or others, on social media (tag me in) I will repost and re share as many of them as possible too!

Have an awesome day!

MyFitnessPal - The app to monitor intake

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Timeless Wisdom from Chakra Coach & Healer Aditya Jaykumar #43

Mon, 30 Sep 2019 04:55:13 GMT

"Timeless Wisdom" #43 by Aditya Jaykumar (Aj)

Tagline: "Through his books, projects & media Aditya demonstrated his ability to make timeless wisdom relevant & accessible for the modern mind to help with balancing emotions, thoughts & finding your individual potential & purpose."

Wow, where do we start. Aj is a man of true wisdom, or as he refers to it a teacher of timeless wisdom. He is a chakra coach & healer, a conscious entrepreneur & a top ranked podcaster with now over 3,000,000 downloads! But more fascinating than that, is the way he articulates his knowledge and experience. Having overcome many moments in his life, we can all probably relate to such as adversity and feeling lost Aj went on a transformational journey.

Realising that his surroundings (networks) and lack of control over his thoughts and energy were not suiting him Aj made a conscious shift to alter his life towards a future, greater version of himself. We speak about the importance of controlling our chattering mind & the true benefits of meditation. Alongside side this Aj also gives you all a quick tangible practice we can all incorporate on a daily basis.

But more prominent than anything throughout this episode, was that I realised I have such a long way to go myself as I now practice meditation, from time to time. Yes sometimes I wish I had started earlier, but just like my last podcast, I started! For that reason I urge you all to start too and really start to put the odds in your favour, in this game of life we are all just trying to figure out.

Some key topics moments in the episode:

[05:15] How to balance our thoughts & energy

[10:55] Understanding why we do what we do

[16:05] The 20/20/20 daily habit

[24:00] Changing your network

[38:18] Quick fire round of Q&A

I sincerely hope you found this podcast useful and urge you to follow Ajs journey & check out his wonderful podcast.

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Links to guest:

Website: http://www.mysevenchakras.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mysevenchakras/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/mysevenchakras

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

5 Reasons You Need to Start Now!

Thu, 26 Sep 2019 04:55:55 GMT

"5 reasons you need to start now" #42 by Aren Deu

Tagline: "This episode is aimed at empowering you all to take control of your lives"

So i've been there too. I have had those dreams and goals plastered on my vision board too and never really moved towards obtaining them. I have also used being a 'perfectionist' as an excuse for never really getting started. But throughout you life, you start to then realise that these are all excuses. These are excuses to stop you from achieving or pursuing your goals and dreams.

Now why we do this, boils down to many factors. Some of which could be, fear of success, fear of failure, overwhelm, other peoples opinions etc But the problem with it is, is that they are still excuses. Now I used to think I had the best excuses in the world. In fact i'd even tap myself on the back once or twice and think wow, nice one Aren.

But who were these excuses really for? Because let's be honest, most people do not care (we are that insignificant in the grand scheme of things) and the only person who suffers is you. Your progress!

So anyway, i have listed 5 quick reasons why starting today, right this second is okay. Why it is necessary. Why you need to do it.

Let me also know how you found it and if you have any others to share too. I will share this with the community if it can help them.

P.s. Any shares of the podcast, this episode or others, on social media (tag me in) I will repost and re share as many of them as possible too!

Have an awesome day!

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The importance of: Bucket Lists, Adding Value & Travelling by Rob Smallbone #41

Mon, 23 Sep 2019 04:55:39 GMT

"Adding Value" #41 by Rob Smallbone

Rob Smallbone, is a property entrepreneur, an amazon best-selling author & an advocate for adding value wherever possible. Having been fortunate enough to have created a success in property, Rob has enjoyed travelling which he thanks for changing his perspective. Realising, how lucky we are to have first world problems, Rob speaks of his pursuit of chasing happiness and fulfilment.

Rob also discusses adversity, and speaks of a relationship that he never quite developed that in hindsight taught him one of his biggest lessons in life. Rob is now an advocate for ticking off his bucket list and leaving nothing to chance or for tomorrow.

Someone who has risen from debt, to success in property, from prioritising materialistic things to finding beauty in the smaller things, Rob has gone on a fascinating transformation journey.

I urge you all to follow his journey and let us both know what you thought about this amazing episode!

Key talking points in this episode:

The importance of adding value
Ticking off your bucket list
Why giving is better than receiving
Learning from adversity
The benefits and beauty of travelling

I sincerely hope after this episode you gain genuine value. Follow myself and Rob on our links below and let us know your thoughts:)

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Links to guest:

Website: https://www.thepropertynomads.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/robsmallbone88

Rob's book: https://amzn.to/2QmWovk

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

3 Ways To Fix Your Mindset #40

Mon, 16 Sep 2019 04:55:40 GMT

"How to fix a broken mindset" #40 by Aren Deu

Tagline: "If you don't adopt this, then Find your voice becomes a pointless session"

Your mindset is everything. A simple definition of the word 'mindset' is that it is a collection of beliefs and thoughts. Now if we expand on the importance of it, then we have to recognise that our mindset will have an unprecedented impact on our day-to-day lives. We are governed so strongly by the things we believe and think, even when we do not realise it.

Now of course, when I say I am proposing 3 ways to fix a broken mindset, I want you to recognise that this is to help you move towards a growth mindset. This is said in tongue in cheek, and plays on words by using the word "fix". Remember fixing a mindset, does not mean getting a fixed mindset. Especially as a fixed mindset is a broken mindset.

The aim of this episode is to get you all to walk away with 3 tangible steps, that require no unique talents or effort, yet can still massively enhance your life. Just by operating and utilising these 3 steps you will instantly realise and reap the benefits from changing your thoughts and initial beliefs.

I sincerely hope after this episode you gain genuine value. Funnily enough, I dislike talking for the sake of talking as I truly appreciate time is our most important commodity. So just to have you tune in, means the world to me. But what would mean more, would be to see you all implement even just 1 of the steps in this podcast.

Let me also know how you found it and if you have any others to share too.

P.s. Any shares of the podcast, this episode or others, on social media (tag me in) I will repost and re share as many of them as possible too!

Have an awesome day!

Links to Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

or if you prefer the audible version and have yet to sign up to Audible, get it FREE below:

Free Audible book sign up:

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to overcome adversity & heal your wounds #39

Mon, 09 Sep 2019 04:55:39 GMT

"When god comes knocking" #39 by Michael Taylor

Tagline: "If you want something badly enough, there is no-one or nothing that can keep you from attaining it yourself"

Michaels story is riddled with adversity and as you listen to the trauma he has been through it is difficult to disagree that he is in fact a specialist in adversity. However, Michael does not paint a gloom and doom picture and speaks with optimism, enthusiasm and words of true wisdom about his experiences.

His invaluable insights, knowledge and healing procedures will definitely resonate with many of you who have too experienced adversity or trauma in your lives. Michael was abandoned by his mother at a very young age, where he noticed his first sacred wound. He was then experience domestic abuse, with his alcoholic grandma.

To make matters worse, Michael was then tragically raped by his older cousin sister. Something that he struggled for many years to share and overcome. His life was never simple and failed businesses and marriages continued to add to his ever growing list of adversities until he found himself, his voice.

Michael spent a lot of time healing and reflecting on himself which allowed him to completely change the next few chapters of his life around. When he moved his focus to service as opposed to money and healed his inner traumas and experiences Michael started to achieve bliss, happiness and fulfilment. He has since gone on to write 7 books, do multiple podcasts, keynote speak on many occasions and share his amazing wisdom with the world.

Someone I find truly fascinating and inspiring, I urge you all to follow his journey and let us both know what you thought about this amazing episode!

Key talking points in this episode:

How to overcome rape as a male
How to heal from past trauma
How to find your True purpose
Finding your Sacred wounds
Overcoming the imposter syndrome & Finding your voice

I sincerely hope after this episode you gain genuine value. Follow myself and Michael on our links below and let us know your thoughts:)

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Links to guest:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/coachmichaeltaylor/

Website: http://www.coachmichaeltaylor.com/

Michaels book: https://amzn.to/2ZsA7Aq

Books recommended:

Healing the shame that binds you - John Bradshaw https://amzn.to/2NOikNe

Healing the child within - Charles Whitfield https://amzn.to/2zNVVHt

Pippa transcript:

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Breaking the stigma of mental health #38

Mon, 02 Sep 2019 04:55:06 GMT

"The girl who lived" #38 by El Formosa

Tagline: "Break the stigma"

El Formosa, is an incredibly beautiful soul. A proud mother, a blogger, a mental health advocate and a writer. She speaks her truth and opens up to all her vulnerabilities of the adversities she suffers. Having tragically seen her nan and best friend die from cancer, El has had her fair share of struggles and pain throughout her life. Also due to something out of her control she also found herself diving deep into anxiety which led to depression and ill mental health.

Now trying to break the stigma, and overcome the dark side to anxiety, El shares an honest, vulnerable story about overcoming the shame she initially had attached to anxiety. She also speaks about what she believes people can do if they are ever struggling and so kindly opens herself up to speak with anyone who may need someone to talk too.

I can describe El in a few words, that all give you a warm feeling: Kind, vulnerable, honest and thought provoking.

Key talking points in this episode:

Overcoming shame of mental health
Dealing with the adversity of death
Finding your passion and voice through your own medium
What to do when you are going through anxiety
The fear of relapsing with mental health

I sincerely hope this episode provides you genuine value. I also urge you to follow El's journey if it resonated with you, or if you enjoyed this.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Links to guest:

Website: http://www.tro-unicorns.uk/2019/07/cover-your-ears.html?m=1

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elformosa_ldn/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

From earning minimum wage to £400,000 a year #36

Thu, 22 Aug 2019 06:17:43 GMT

Yes you can #36 by Stephanie Taylor

Tagline: "I inspired people to change their lives for the better and create the life that they love"

An amazing story of a lady who rose from receiving benefits and struggling to creating a business generating £400k per annum and finding her voice through property.

Stephanie Taylor is a successful property investor, a loving mother and someone who has changed her lifes circumstances and achieved her dreams. Despite being heavily involved and meeting through the Property this interview looks at Stephanie's personal story as a person. Ensuring I don't bore the listeners with too much property talk, we have kept incredible story to a lady who has overcome many odds.

She has gone from minimum wage jobs, to being refused jobs, to building £100k + revenue businesses. Alongside this, she has established herself as a name within the property sector. She has overcome her own limiting beliefs, and she is also changing live for others. Stephanie also explains her vision is to inspire more people, to take control of their lives. Seeing the benefits it has done for her, she wants others to create their dreams.

Offering a kind gesture to all listeners, or for anyone interested in rent to rent property, she has provided a link below just for our listeners!

This was also the first time someone has shared their vulnerabilities and openly cried on the show. It was a moment you may not have expected as it was for a positive act. Caring, as we touch on in this podcast, the act of just doing nice things with others well-being at the front of your mind is powerful. It is a caring example that Stephanie shares which gets her emotional and also brings home a great lesson.

Key talking points in this episode:

The importance of your mindset
Growing your skill set to be capable of achieving your goals
The importance of caring
How to work on problem solving
Not attaching self-worth to circumstances

I sincerely hope this episode provides you genuine value. I also urge you to follow Stephanie's journey if it resonated with you, or if you enjoyed this.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Links to guest:

Stephanies offering: https://rent2rentsuccess.com/findvourvoice

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/missstephanietaylor

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Overcoming stereotypes to follow your dreams #35

Mon, 19 Aug 2019 04:55:30 GMT

Never give up and keep smiling #35 by Narinder Hayer

Tagline: "I don't believe in giving up, there is always a way to achieve your dreams"

The tag line of this episode says it all. Narinder Hayer is a public speaker, personal trainer, nutritionist, life coach and so much more. She is someone who broke the barrier and led the way for Indian girls to be a part of the gym and make a sustainable, comfortable lifestyle from health and fitness.

She is never one to shy away from her fears and continues to face all the obstacles in her way, in the only ways she knows best: With a smile and action! She is someone who screams energy, enthusiasm and a raw passion for just wanting to succeed in everything she does. She shares stories of incredible transformations from a few of her relationships and discusses throughout this episode the importance of chasing your dreams.

Narinders message is simple. If you truly want to do and achieve something, you can. But it will require a good work ethic, facing your fears, handling opposition, taking set backs and sometimes feeling lost. But if the goal is worthwhile and your ambition matches your execution then it is 100% achievable as she explains.

Now coaching celebrities, having represented UK too on the health and fitness platform, Narinder has huge hopes for the future of health and fitness and aims to be an inspiration to 1000s. I am sure all her clients, family and friend can be very proud, and I am sure you will all hear the authentic enthusiasm in her message on this show.

Key talking points in this episode:

Not being afraid to be different
The importance of being yourself
Learning to love yourself, within as this will transfer to your external world
The importance of never ever giving up on your dreams
Never taking no's or set backs as final.

I sincerely hope this episode provides you genuine value. I also urge you to follow Narinders message if it resonated with you, or if you enjoyed this.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Links to Narinder:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/narinder.hayer.771

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/narinder_hayer_fitness/

welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning into another episode of falling your voice my name is Aren and as always I am the host of the show so I'm delighted to have to bring to you today a lady who has really paved the way for women in the health and fitness industry during that hi yeah no no in the highs being in Luxembourg she's been on TV's worldwide she's represented England for so many things in relation to health and fitness but more importantly than that I something that I really connected with was her true in daring nature you see no interest somebody he just genuinely care as she gently wants to see people change their lives for the back and even more importantly should I say something that actually goes through the whole theme of the show is that she writes her own story each and every day she has completely scrapped the stereo type of what Asian lady should do she is empowering ladies from all across the world and she just so insightful in the way that she won conducts a self but T. it depends moving forward so somebody who I can definitely see myself potentially colliding with on some health and fitness stuff as all right you want to try to disrupt that space just a little bit myself but I'm conscious this is a long interview somebody let you stop rambling now and once again it's one of thank every single one of you for the massive support this podcast is growing ahead of a lot quicker than I thought so that is %HESITATION down to you guys and the incredible guess I've had on it so without further ado let's get this interview on the way okay so I'd like to start off by welcome in every day to the show today she has Carly taken time out of a day to share his story so knowing that if you wouldn't mind if you could kind of well first actually how you doing today I five are and how you a lot thank you sorry I almost forgot to welcome you to the show it's okay this is the second time recording today so much he just that I lost my train of thought is off so it's very important obviously I've had a little bit about your story just before we even start this podcast if you could give the listener is an insight in relation to your Janie and up about yourself basically what brings you here today find your voice okay %HESITATION right side my name's me to head out I've been in the house with the this industry twenty three yes and it's twenty three yes I'm talking when I still eat there was no %HESITATION I should be in the gym it was not no information woman's being that Jim Jones I was always told it was okay the Asian boys to be that the culture is a bit different at the time %HESITATION funny enough when I actually went into the gym there wasn't even that Asian boys so it's actually the Haitian pastor in the gym it was it was hot it wasn't the most easiest thing you know it's kind of discriminated against I was gonna knock down several times that many I kinda down the chain I'm a very very strong pass and so on let me go back to how it started so when I was quite young I used to watch my brother is trying on a similar kind of nice to find it quite expiry that break up early in the morning the training and I'm talking like four or five in the morning but not the pop come bokeh chin upset I'll be like well you know what I have to deal with these I'm not well my purpose can do I can do so it was one of those I was kind of into fitness I love this site %HESITATION you know it was just something not quite a spider that was kind of my hobby six seven anybody want to define me that black medicine that you know some easy you could lose mate was actually if it was anybody's wedding at resume da she's in the gym fast to erect cock it was kinda like yeah so that was my karma sentries and I kind of looked at and that's something that nobody can ever take away from you that's kind of my hobby or sign away have confiscated and that's kind of my place where I kind of got it because she had so I remember when I was quite young I said to my dad %HESITATION okay so my dad kinda has become I'm not a job I think is amazing %HESITATION as I was almost on the of how the simple and this is why I'm gonna go out but a how to guide because of my family members and my that's where three years ago okay so I'm thinking of going into fitness I'm my dot com I mean it was not very much in those days it was it not for nation gal to go in the gym I'm my document okay so you guys but if you're serious about it do it you can always talked about that goes just also try on you know you education what you wanted to as I'm still gonna do my degrees and still gonna do Michael sees but this is something I think crime I want to do I think he's got a long way my dad goes well okay if you're gonna do that coach of the boys want to kill kill can do I don't remember that twenty three a and %HESITATION I wait Todd I did I literally I kinda tried with a lot of amazing he fitness guru sensible on these guys eighteen took me into the reading told me what I needed to I mean again I answered I might be a very very strong sweetness lament %HESITATION and I appreciate all the support of out of the twenty three as a lobbyist and knocks me but a lot of people supported me %HESITATION you know the kind of open the doors and I'm so grateful for every possible I hot I'll buy you know what you'd be shocked I'm actually so great for the people that not me as every not box made me the strong I need to get out tonight so I'm actually quite thankful because it made me who I am so twenty three S. I kind of did a lot of cool seats I come to train with a lot of amazing people are rex I love the jeans I %HESITATION I would say %HESITATION I'm a child accounts and I lost which counsel a motivational speaker on the minute you stop you can construct on the beach body coach and %HESITATION instructs out the insanity it's my favorite blackout locating everybody I say I'm I'm one of those guys which writing is located okay if you're breathing on the floor I'll check to see if we give you some more about how you got a free shot back out %HESITATION so whatever levy getting the results if you're not gonna put the effort in so I'm also part of and six in the city which is a famous London team which is for about four just saying is if I somebody does and and support minus lies so %HESITATION I'm part of it and he's under that is old he's my inspiration and I think if he can do that I can do that so I'm part bees at ready Tina team as well I went to Luxembourg recently on the thirty first of may represent quite Brett I represent six in the seat with my team represent T. Asian women represent to date at my religion my committee amazing running sixteen thousand people it was over twenty eight degrees it was the hardest thing of my life but what I kept thinking these and after you've got to grab the medals you need not just one because we went through into faith which is a run for world peace I all the nations and all the coaches come to get it was a fascinating to learn about different cultures I kind of fun I was so interested in not I met so many different people from different countries as well and we went to represent season I want to come back and it's funny the amazing thing all I kept thinking about it he hit sixteen thousand people you sort of collapsing but I can't think his rent out you gotta get these looks about minimum because when you get the swan you'll get the interfaith while which means that you represented %HESITATION I would because I was used in the U. K. I caught fire I don't fight it write it to me I believe in up to a point where I don't make the mistake get up and do it again so I do the I. five O. several times in life but I got up go up and did it again but when I'm excited when you give up before you even tried and you can't do that so if the website and I count I'm not I'm not like happen every always how to never be I don't believe in that's too bad I was nothing you can't do in life it's not really the tensions in your life you can be what ever you want to be and I fixed it twenty three S. amaze it might break K. after twenty yet %HESITATION I introducing sounded to to move on someone to hold on to James it can be expressed in stock it came in the Asian newspaper and next minute the radio shows a ringing me up %HESITATION and then expect somebody okay to beat the comics playing exactly what I've done or not you need to come on the show a wreck everything is nice and I hot how did a couple of obviously because I've been working alongside a remote clients %HESITATION base it went on the show with a couple of out of state and I thought that was like oh my god what what Jerry just think how this might of us next in a live interview went to Europe became one of the most famous Asian gals I'd be on Asian boys twenty three years ago so what Asian boys could it today in the gym it was as you go on the show to ask how they came one of the most famous Asian gals %HESITATION and to go with the most qualifications sigh I have my fish out and ate it comes up %HESITATION I recalled on Wednesday said it show in Asian community on by seven seven one %HESITATION every sat at one thirty and you know what it's so shocking I recorded but I never watch it I don't like the box was not I don't know why I DO nobody's when I look back on it because I criticized offsite knowledge which is get criticism is good but I know I could have them back so I know if I don't watch it I know I made mistakes I'm not I'll do better next time some very critical about myself if you can take criticism be quick critical by itself and take criticism from other people may choose from the past so you know I've kind of done quite a lot of a lot on %HESITATION and then after that %HESITATION unlock doors of life and %HESITATION again I went to see doctor that came back and beat up on a lot of Asian shows %HESITATION I've been to speak for a lot of and so the S. I train about celebrities newsreaders models %HESITATION you know you have the American weight loss %HESITATION so I I do a U. K. version of the song yeah I've had a lot of sounds stories last about a year ago %HESITATION she was twenty twenty five and we ship on a lot right and I mean that was quite a lot she went to a doctor and I talked to said we're not going to Saudi Arabia to say so he goes you need to do so by although I should have gone to see a family you're not you're not gonna see nobody at that point okay because I'm a qualified counsellor she came to me for accounts and she cried as she was made up I'm a Die because I talked to tell me a minute docks so what what support do you talk to and she goes well okay just said on the city's right unless I log in it shows what you offer not just being told him in a tight in your life you know it's not you do not I met some training I was like you know well I will help you through this journey I will get you to that point we will lose the right to get it in a way because the team because I tried alongside my client against on that I don't believe it's under the table motivation starts when you get on the next machine you feel like they did so I chained up and %HESITATION we got down she lost a lot already she then met I love you mom she got married Genovese it was amazing and to go to that wedding when you know it's time to make a speech and told that you know thank you what was life like right that's when you know you're a good passer try as much as I trainees about %HESITATION how many clutch we have the I will control the jeans and then I got twenty thousand I got these I'm not reading I'm like you know what constitutes morning Paul and when my clients good and they got I mean do you know what I'm smiling I feel good I know that I'm a pessimist raise your clients will make you well I'm and I don't know I've always been a strong passing I don't believe in giving up I've never gives I don't I don't believe in that I've always been a strong positive past maybe because of how the support of my family and even now you can show how many people say to make me to give it up you've done enough not you've done so much in your life and I'm not not I haven't it's it's funny I'm not you know what happened in the book well I'm not not that I'm I'm just about to start on the like the you don't twenty three yes I'm not not on what I have in mind today I haven't saw it so these a working on all of that and projects %HESITATION you know some people with disabilities I think everybody has a right to have a chance to trade it doesn't matter what you disabilities you know everybody has the right to feel exactly and I feel good about themselves because training is not about just getting a great body about make you feel good inside I like to make my feet my clients feel good inside and shot it shows on the outside as well fitness is about is about your mind it's about your body and your confidence and I think everybody has a right no matter what ever you disability so I'm I can but a little when I say she's a crime not I have a lot of qualifications welcome to people with disabilities I'm kind of excited to get the ball rolling on the outside the shit and I think they deserve the opportunity %HESITATION I wax or live a U. K. let's not get my chest undead %HESITATION I travel a lot with back depending on when the clients I DO Scott visit and bought yet Scott that cats are too high visits I'm a lot of clients in America %HESITATION yeah basically everywhere and anyway I'm Tom yes I did I don't know I start even now I don't believe in giving up %HESITATION you know after after I've done this with this effort because maybe I thought went today never feel your energy coming through my computer screen right now and I'm I'm say in half as opposed to trying to myself actually and I'm kind of like yes this is the kind of a because this is the kind of person trained about all I would advocate for so I really recommend person trained is not when I went to prison training it was the tree for the happiness of fulfillment to change somebody's life yeah because I know higher losing five change my life I don't care for yeah once T. of numbers I don't I don't necessarily care for the paycheck either it was about instilling that Paris is called to see them really to transform their lives so when you said about how you change that woman's life that was a beautiful story because I've had clients who have come up to me and David you said the best years of their life was the time that they tried to make and sometimes it was not necessarily even the way because it was more about how they felt when they were around me and just that self confidence I was able to give him so I know just from the way you're speaking on the sea you've got to have a lot of experience a lot more than myself that you do that with your clients which is and I've got a list of questions here and I want at least a point someone in real life because your stories fascinated so basically twenty three years in the game now I've been preaching health and fitness fo the best pop eight nine years and the reason I Pratchett is slightly different reason it's it's the fact that I'm just fed up of see people die at around me family friends and eight AM seven and I'm just like why are we not prioritize and a house and it is probably one of the the few a posh is that when I try to work so like on going to depart because not to do you love it I do property investing you are the business is like still keep going back to health so I conversation for another day art your brains because I have some divisions in terms of how we want to disrupt the health sector as well myself and see I think your knowledge would be valuable for that you mentioned no boys Asian boys in the gym at twenty three years ago and that's probably the truth of it because even ten years fifteen years ago when I was at university there was like two guys who actually went to the gym I bet you thought they were weird because while we were too busy drinking vodka and eating kebabs and doing all that crazy exactly that with those ten this is going to the gym you would think it you're wasting unity but straight after university dot such you when I actually started to take my health service in a kind of kick myself in which I went back I also love the lesson that your dad said to you and I think that's a brilliant point go show the boys while I go can do I think that's that's fantastic and it's empowering full any ladies out there who maybe fail that fitness isn't for them it's it's a male thing because it's not it's a passive thing we can also enhance our minds and our bodies and our company history fitness and can you just while we're live on show because I always say this to people not trying to advocate women get into some sort of training can you please dispel the myth that would be able to simply and a reply on the shores think of when the pickle weights I always get a lot of women that come and try and that a lot you're not going to sing I'm not because white pickup more white and got locked out of it that I look at me it's it's you know what it is I think sometimes you listen to so much and you start to believe it you think it's because the guys pick up the right to think what it looks like that it doesn't happen all I am actually I'm really slim but I'm very strong and you can still have a very feminine body still be the most strongest and may think passengers I pick up a lot like and I don't look like a man and I swear I might sound like one teacher is teaching a boxing class and I've called I lost my voice %HESITATION about no you need to mix cardio you need to mix cardio and weights you need to DO resistance wet because about to get one of the most amazing bodies Claudia will make you so lame and skinny the cardio machines and the weight of the dumbbells are the ones that will give you the shape you to combine the two together and I made I say that to every that's my comes at you with a lot we meet on this this week I studies in drama gonna tending to Amman I'm not know why I'm not white he told you that at such and such tell me that I'm not no I always say to my clients that at the end of that I bring my life coach my comes name what is it yeah and I say look into the peace officer making a living you for a while you do pass I tried it but then it teach you how to love yourself once you learn to let me stop you look at this around you you become very inspiring in a meeting and I'm one of those people I don't I think if I find somebody very toxic or negative I don't work that way I woke up sick as I thought about that being a positive passing a wake up the sign right and I and my site I'm always smiling we'll talk only say it's like a speech everybody in the gym I make it my mission to speak to every single pass and in every July and they're going to because you never know when that might need you as sometimes lacking the industry you have to be approachable you have to be at you know kind of friendly towards like you're in the wrong job I have a lot of people come up to me inside so me %HESITATION train is don't smile all you guys could be chest high and I'm like you know what I'm not like that because all I eat if I tell you the %HESITATION just quick story because we sent a in one of the gyms we had a young twenty one year old killed that will say and she sat in the changeover how to Hans covering half iceage was crying I was about to go into each and I remember next poems in towns and I quickly went to change your game on I saw this young gal and I saw this in that with the house kind of light over ice and I was like you okay and she looked up my chest me what did you just ask me how I am and nobody my life has ever asked me about reading I'm not really she does not mean that nobody from my family and my friends have never asked me she was quiet on what you know watch like if you're hot and she does she'll tell me I went no no funny business I'm not like and I kind of broke the ice to start it off I know what you know well what is it you can talk to me I said you know I'm a life coach constructs what you tell me today's confidential BC you have to you know it's confidential she told me to shed its like story because she wants others to realize that you can change your life and she goes we drop I am the bodies and the ladies in the office the grown women with children picking me up because I'm all the way express my head down the toilet wow just not still happen and she was like man dell I get please because I'm over by and she does I I don't like the slight and you can tell this child was depressed and I went okay if I made you a promise I promise you from today and I will change your life I will give you the most amazing body for you I will make you the will meant that nobody will pecan I will turn the tables and make you the most strongest woman if you out with meant she kind of some interest thank you I said no I haven't even done anything yet I was that you don't need to say thank you she was I mean that you're twenty minutes late I'll be T. class I was like these people away you can't and you know what I'll be when I went back to Mel B. T. class they would touch you got me I was not yet ladies get over it but I was I was a child I thought as a child that needed help to that and I'm glad I stop for that child I defy anybody and you know the following day the shop the young gay okay made a call to talk because I'm she's younger she came in to walk me about kind of how it is and she will make chocolate some psych rock festival next to the gym you can bring them in it's not don't give them to each other it's like bringing back he's into that you start it up and she was like this is the US and why I haven't done that she is known to be dating site my like last night I was in that to think right when I got myself together I'm going to do and get as many tablets as I can I'm gonna kill myself she wanted overdoses south and that was the end of it she goes because you gave me a hug and stopped to ask me how was you say my line right I literally cried in the remote site all my god I was like look if I had never stopped which always well I'm not that kind inside for example say somebody did stop I talked with and I did a lot and all because your body because you're overweight I don't like that I think the the council I've dealt with you've been used I deal with eating disorders I deal with cancer patients I do a lot of people and you know what is I do not like please I cannot stop I know nobody does it you know what is in use twenty three S. as accounts and every time there's somebody sitting in my office and that was to help people I'm not about how do you know what people need to stop you need to look at yourself before you pick on somebody else never thought you respect you know what she's all deal with them never because somebody else because it's so wrong and you know what that site when I realize I should I say this child's life so then we started training we got to that point we work with a cast of music to help %HESITATION we've had case she won the case all the people in the office will fight it she's not the assistant managing the office with the most amazing body she loves to sell she has she has a new team of people or young so inspiring and she does not you size model she comes in the jeep and the funny thing is every time I see yes that you're looking very sexy she does you know I look at you guys nobody to tell me and I waited a long time for that you don't tell me about a one point two Charles ones and a lot of shops every time we see out she's or why he's kind of like me that you know what sexy I'm not yet I waited a long time for that this is what I'm saying always make you job say hello to everybody I I deliveries to it because you never know it's only because she knew that I always approach anybody she was I mean it you know thank you so that's why I'm signed up being in the industry isn't just about being a past which right now and I yeah you know it's not that many clients it's about looking after these people carry you gotta be carried these people even if it's not your client you always got to be supported why he's giving everybody a comp you Max these guys will come easy sometimes I see people saying that I'm not you okay no doubt about that coming this summer job I do that I would do for anybody because I see like these my family went to the gym I'd want the site site support from my family you gotta be that for everybody likes to show it so precious you can't discriminate and I think a lot of I recently you know had a lot of comments from a lot of public in the gym and I can sight not even on small yes I'm trying to start small don't talk to us I'm not I'm not I talk to you much you know me I did I think that's why my life coach at a motivational speech it's a kind of good quality to have people or why he cites made when he talked about I'm not thank you for the compliment I never take anything top because you know what everything has a meaning if you tell me it's not so much I'm not thank you I read a note that's why I became a motivational speaker I'd somebody you said you you need to stop what you're doing don't do you modify it you've got enough matter I know with that comment came from it comes from a good place so I'm not roll you know what then you sit back and you think you know what you have issues but they're not my problem you know to me so I I don't give up no matter how many times and like I said twenty three is a long time to be knocked down and knocked down several times on you know what I was right now if you guys can do these I can do that I'll just because I'm Asian Gil doesn't matter who you are it doesn't matter what religion doesn't my what culture if you're a man or woman never give up because you know what thanks to shore you can be what ever you want somebody says you you can't do it you know what to think sit back and think to yourself why can't you can't you know maybe I'll be lucky because of how to support my family but that's become like my manager at the moment my dot you truly will all go up to exit out what you think about this project I've been often these days my doctor now so we will yeah I'm a god is amazing yes I was late and I don't think a lot of people have that support I know it's hard but you know what never give up because you look back and regret it I do a lot of people I'm not you know what what did you want to be you know you that conversation when you're young in the greatest advising us what would you like to be when you grow up about the conversation with a lot of people in the gym and they're not I want to do this but I never did I'm not whites all is just get a fighting I'm not reading out it's never too late to try it you know these people try to you know what thank you I try and help everybody as much as I can I don't I don't believe in giving up I I just think small goes a long way it's funny the most powerful thing I have and I always see like these must must be the most powerful thing that somebody nobody could ever take away from me because that's something that makes me who I am and I saved a life as for a lot of people %HESITATION so yeah I am also thankful to god I say my parents taught me but you know what the end of the day I always state right to go out and say thank you for your help I I'm happy and you know every good thing the opposite my lot I do I go to the temple thank you as you cannot forget god without doubt there's nobody and that's my that's my you know I've been in about it %HESITATION but a lot of people have helped me over the years and I'm so thankful %HESITATION you know a lot of people still which why not me I'm not you know what there's no way you can knock a strong woman you caught not someone who knows if they going on just love that so it gained under point someone up on a kind of put out of this if I may basically I just wanna say obviously there was %HESITATION the whole support network which you've been fortunate to have for anyone who doesn't have a support network I think we definitely need to look at the only two people like yourselves to the new windows in the vote even myself always try to go out my way to help someone whether it's a phone conversation %HESITATION face to face me up just to try to support people there are genuine you people out there who will take time of the day to help so don't always think that always more moment I don't believe in me thus it my dreams are over because I have to go against the grain on set in decisions in my life and in hindsight I'm so grateful that I just bit the bullet and took those phase out the way because actually turned out okay so definitely recommend people to do that another thing I picked out from you is that I long settled is vibrant and bubbly energy does a person who truly K. as in not a not so you'll be what kept you going as a personal trainer I love that about you because one of the things I resonate with on the is not that's how I felt with my clients I could feel that pain saw was that somebody was always naturally in great shape I was in OK shape our country really bad shape then I got back into shape so I could always kind of empathize what they're going through one of the things that really hurts me to this day so I stopped I actually want to one trading for a long time now and some of my clients have kind of gone back to their old habits Bubsy changing this circle of interest and I didn't really get side when I see them not and I still feel like having invested in that they're a part of me and I always feel like I haven't done much of property that they haven't been able to sustain it and even to this day does does does somebody got to listen to the shows the public knows you're talking about it would mean the world for me to see him go back to how we used to be because there's so much potential there by gay like to kiss don is the G. about taking that motivation I think especially when you've done it once so really you cannot speak from experience you've been day you've had these holidays for some people that may be having how did this difficult all I know just quickly going back to my place here he's been there he shape and this is for anyone one if you've been there yourself or to it to somebody else has been there in the world that shows you as possible yeah that's what it sort of I I and I'm gonna say great now that because I am curious how you've got so much energy now I have a lot of energy for about eight hours of the day yeah I saw that you so I'm not sure interpret surprisingly enough Lafayette suffered a lot shyness in his eye and a lot of the times somebody was smart on the wall would have to do with our small part it's the new look at the floor so it looks like on boarding up when I was never avoided a prose too shy to actually made that quite content I'll change nine but what I want to know is one obviously how you keep descended yet because I'm sure we could all do with that top of this if if it's available but what's your what's your daily routine from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep at night you know what festival going back to the top of it it is no trouble only is basically I don't believe in giving up I think you get once make the most of your life and like you said you see in a lot of people also let him you know what we see I've got loads of close friends who passed away I have a lot of kinds includes kinds of patients who passed away and that broke my heart you realize that you know wall you could be here today and gone tomorrow you gotta make the most of your life so you can do it I would say to everybody I'm gonna go as far as I can tell all I think that's you know but it's never going to be you know I'm so for me I don't know I wake up in the morning I kind of lie I don't know I kind of hate to go I wish you a lot people like you don't know religious but where does he said you have to look religious ready to go out I thank god a one to one basis that's my relationship with my car I wake up I pray to god I'm not quite a gives me not strong motivation I'm not right I'm ready for the day I do not like this all right above the pass and so there's nothing in your diet that gives you this expect that healthy you know I have breakfast and then you should be all a lot of the men make the mistake of mixing me wasn't thinking that get the most amazing body it it doesn't lock you need to be having breakfast let's do not to knock and I make it why is housewife who died too much I have a daughter with me so make sure that I he take exactly I'm eating healthy I do have a treat every so often I mean a lot people think that you cannot you have to live that life if you're on a diet no I have everything keep modulation I have all the treats I want I have everything I don't even give up two parties I love to buy these and I can't give up my house basically so I eat very healthy throughout the day %HESITATION if I feel like I need something I'll have it I don't give up I still have everything in moderation well my attitude I don't know what she can do because I think what it is for me twenty three years of being knocked out every not bad made me strong ago so and it made me realize wow that's a very very negative press people in the cell and then I realize I mean the right job because that's how spent the house well he was a speaker at an event a couple weeks ago and you know talk about mental health and fitness actually does help out in the press that is all a T. depression anything can align fit ness releases endorphins as you know you know when you're training it releases a stress you need to be in that gym because of the sea a lot of people think hi consoles that will not solve the problem and I don't know I always just I'm just always been a positive but I'm not signed everything goes cafe in my life and every day he's not going to I hop but they sometimes but you know how I analyze it %HESITATION well you know what what was a bad day something goes wrong I'm not okay eat on working on a project and to go through I'm not okay it was not meant it wasn't meant for me yeah it's a great job thank you think you know what I cried about it what are you going to do so I went somebody a long time ago and he gave me this advice you guys if that's something physical in your hand you can change change it to that %HESITATION physical why you gonna cry stress yourself and make yourself go about it so I always remember the I'm not was one of the managers when working in accounting he was with me and he goes to minimum dot remember this for the rest of your life and I don't remember the name of the yes and I think to myself you know some truth so if I got a project and it wasn't meant for me I'm not allowed you know well what can I do next it pushes me even more motivates me more to read something else so I don't believe in giving up yet nice not all right perfect and probably some of the most likely I'm always slightly outside I'm joking I love the mall %HESITATION jokes how for the timing of the loss of the drugs and all you crave these jokes my clients and they look at me like media craze yeah but you know what so why do nobody any hawk how will be passed always happy because maybe like I said he knocked for twenty three years is a long time of being knocked down and every not back made me a stronger Gail I thought how did you knock me like all right for example hi %HESITATION couple of em yes I got I want to do that we and that was the show when it was that kind of life coaching and I said to the guy a BC which I like to come right and he goes yeah once a month it was like like coming his stage I'm on a story is about and he was a light blue at that point he sold the skills quite strong she comes on this day she's going to overtake my shop and actually he's thinking was wrong I want to I each collaborate and become the most powerful people on stage he think that fall so he %HESITATION inside the box no onsite and go head to make you show even better than what it was and he goes no thank you not this time most about and at that point I was let me go it was like wow these he won't let me on stage some all night and then be analyzed each the fact he had beat almost social media page check out get not skills to awful looking at that stage and this website sometimes people take it the wrong way so he let me on and the following week find another way and ended up on somebody else's show so that even came about absolutely this is one size something's not meant for you you're not meant to work with people and I thought wow I didn't know I thought I did shoot and I'm like that's right presents what weight I. light weight can be strong motivational inspiring people support not not cute if they're gonna not me I don't know what could that you know me and but I will never lack connect to people if you're gonna not me I will never record I twenty three years of the Knox noble so now I'm one of those people if you come across as quite negative and toxic and you find me intimidate eight then I won't work but I'm not intimidated passable humble guilt you have to wear at twenty three Hodges my dad the Eiffel Michaels is my dad said to me if I give you the money for each course he goes you will never understand the meaning of money so all right well I do not invested in my old cell I tried this leads many not get from that are the best in the next calls on the next all my equipment and I built my business like that I have that much equipment in every location on like art I don't even know what else is wrong %HESITATION I'm a very very down to earth pass and sometimes it looks deep I look at your yes my stuck up I'm not that kind of because I could be still call even if I tried I'm a very humble down to as Asian funny GTO that's what I am and somebody comes up to me is that he just well I will give you a hundred ten percent I'm not that kind of pass it even if it's something I can help you with I will find a way to help you will recommend you to the right people I don't believe in giving up and I don't even know how I help every single president no matter what it is even if it out my compass %HESITATION I will go out of my way to help you spend thank you you know what your battery's five eight that is the first time it's five you have such a positive vibe about you you come across a might be so much of may and okay so I don't I have twenty three as your age at you to me it sounds equals may decide well I because I love that's not to say I love the motivation I love what you're doing I mean these podcasts I'm like all my god how to make that this man has done so much and trying to get the people to help people and I look for thank you so much for that all that's there is something that really hit a note with yes please when you said that guy who was afraid of you coming on the shelf not if I have to you almost kind of from the outside look at yourself and look at me way completely different in terms of your very energetic and very it wears I'm quiet and more I suppose I quit laid back no delays because it sounds better one thing that actually excites me is the %HESITATION I'm sitting here thinking I need to come up with this person on something something to change people's lives because we always get exactly the same thing also you know amazing exactly and I don't have the space to mourn set off %HESITATION death and I'm trying to because at the end of the day what's going to happen is say for instance we were on stage you're gonna get X. amount of people are gonna resonate with you better there's gonna be except for we have our own or just put together what you're doing that you're talking to a much wider audience and always believe that we should always try to have the abundance mind set because it how many times you kind and we have the same values and ethics because %HESITATION what I'm hearing from you is your cat for the people or your stories relate back to how you've helped somebody at an absolutely loved and that's pretty much it meet in a chat well I've had a lot of like I said because we're trying to see the not wet creek I when I go trying to clients and redox you out too much experience what we've already got this online white which is always out you guys exactly equal survey SO training like you said it's not about just having someone clients are not only I say that to anybody I'm like you know what all I'm not suitable for you guys you know there's so many amazing people out that only difference Whitney's I train alongside my clients if I had and the thing because I think I will get with every single machine these people because I want to make you feel special that time I'm a very professional training when I train my clients will be safe I don't talk I speak to anybody in the gym but when I'm trying to my clients my focus is on my client that one out of spending with these people is my focus if somebody comes at the height of the dot I just put my hand up and not say you will not get comes out to meet us my client is a mostly pound hello that said it not Rick for me because I have paid for that time they want they want the results all you don't believe in easy back out I'm kind of like a killing machine if you guys come to my class you got a couch eating out you had a good workout I have a lot of my clients who would text me let me go read out you killed me I cannot sit on the toilet skis I can't get it to bet on coffee I mean I %HESITATION and I'm like I spun off and locked and then not your marble I'm not no give me a couple of days your ring me back in your blood you know I feel good they do he's on site sometimes people don't understand what has some training for me that's what I need overruled is about clearing your mind yeah I did shoot your confidence shuttle lifestyle and it's about mental health it will bring that everything for you it's not just about getting amazing party SO training for me is it not as a Chinese I will make you feel good insight and I she stopped to lead to love what you have on your side everything went yeah if your happy yeah how do you approach to the people how you have conversations I will be even more policy I said you will attract positive people you been positive I think not our whole and you know me but I did find a lot because we train is Connie using the same technique a lot of hassles like this I've come across I'm not saying this some amazing people that yeah %HESITATION but I'm I'm just talking about I see you on it they always need they know that I'm talking about it hello and I would bet you that nobody's okay I know but I'm saying sometimes it's just about training and I was over there good bye see you later bye let's see now it's just the training is not the personal side and the personal size that's the most important thing social key I'm like wow sorry and I'm so can somebody recently I like I said someone may ask train is out there the amazing talented people I'm talking about Pacific for them on the talent that I believe it should be mentioned and he was like yeah whatever so he was so he's going to hear it basically yeah it is watching you guys okay I was on the back catch it about yeah that's all I thought well I think people like that and this isn't to kind of light what people are now allowed speak up I think it's a bit like you know when people go for normal job just hate their job where as some people genuinely love that job so when I was in person training I actually Jan you need is love being there where is the whole approach of all my god the times of hall five when I was in corporate I couldn't wait to leave the office off I sent like kind of I can relate to them so what I would probably suggest to those people is is personal training actually for you because it isn't as easy as let me ride Jim plan and then I stand there and kind of the reps it's a fight physically it takes a lot of energy it takes a lot of mental energy takes about physical energy especially if you get involved yourself is off and you have to be a hundred percent committed to changing that pisses life used the truly invested in your services so I always think when people celebs can become a best trying to because that they have that you can make the for your wife of about a month I'm like you you're going into it for the wrong reasons is going to be this will be something intrinsic within you that Jen you want to see people change if that makes sense so I thought it ready for me when I mean it's SO tried it wasn't about the money just Soviet and everybody was like well you know how much you can and I was like no I'm gonna help you I mean if you want the twenty eight I love helping people even when I was younger I always being back having like and I'm like if I can help somebody if you put a body %HESITATION and they would like would you not you don't want to know what you have right now that will come and then he went to get away about but if you call me the view that I'm gonna put you on hole it's it's a wrong way to think up yes you've got to be paid I understand not that you know what you have to care about what's his what's right able and you cannot just out I'm self catch you later yeah I think the key and this is kind of more why trying tell people is find something not one of the C. makes you happy yeah makes you for failed and then the money itself you know come from some place people tasted the opposite way they're going for the money that the fed up with the %HESITATION than the one copy and I'm not switch that around the only problem is is when we do it probably our way as I'm sure you can you can test of this when I first life has tried it wasn't any more money than their previous jobs I was doing but I was enjoying it obviously for which the whole nine I was he would be fine but I didn't have the energy especially when I started it was I do a session and then up to maybe another one that I need a break and it's difficult it's tiring which is why I find you inspiring in terms of you seem to have this consistent headed yet again we're gonna find out how to put in a bottle cause gonna sell it should make the money but I have yeah it's a brilliant thing and I just wanted to touch on just before we move on to the next question one other important thing that you touched on to anyone hearing this story now you seen somebody he seems very confident who is confident he's very great at what they do but they also mentioned something really important and that was that you have bad days I'm not something always trying to help people that don't always look at what you see on social media and I assume the everyone's having this perfect lifestyle because I'm in the day it's very rare somebody's gonna think or do you know what I'll just post my shit and social media so it's refreshing to hear that you have these bad days but he's already absolutely if somebody says that they've never had a bad day they lying if somebody is ever if somebody can put their hand up and say never been depressed they line up is made the number one thing is I teach everybody I guarantee you that has %HESITATION fruit something in the lot doesn't matter the most successful people in the world hot hot times like that you make sure you meant if you've never been through it the line you know me I know everybody I hop so amazing successful people that I train it'll be for it but you know what that's made in the past and they all decide what that's like but it's how you deal with that you can either cut up and the lights are out or do something about it and I'm one of those people like if a project goes wrong %HESITATION something goes wrong you know what that's okay to shop for you know we're gonna find another I mean she can I find the whole to do anything %HESITATION and I get in that way and that got kind of like yeah I don't believe in giving up there's always a way to get into something that you wanted to on our love dot it's about people some people don't want sexy you be shocked how many people are waiting for me to file even now I I have so many people have supported me over the edge from amazing trainer is to is to is to solve many people bought is also a handful of people who don't want me to succeed and Molly you know my comment to these people is you know what there's no way you can not me you know to me so how can you not somebody who doesn't even given up yeah call but it would be nice to see more people like me more like you sell inspired beat you know helping out community and let people know that the all people that will support you anybody anybody sends me a message and we don't want to get into these old my clientele is not very good what can I do I will go out of my way to help you to make you the best because he wrote motos that's what it's about making you guys even better hi yeah read read different personalities I suppose in the us up enough I as I exactly the same but there is a lot of people in the world you don't like that and they want to see people do well and is a pretty cold I want to see do well but never as good as them I cannot get the I think it's a sketch to mine so I think we need to be in a place of abundance in terms of support as many people as you possibly can because the more people you support the more support in retrospect you'll get yourself is all and that's how I can move quicker in the road so I I love that you do that I suppose what we're trying to do is almost fine collapse people's Janie's because we've got the eight years of experience that ideally it would be great if not we have to go through the years to get to where we are not loved not within the first year maybe two years so %HESITATION it's it's brand well my med like I said I'm a mental for young students who want to get into fitness I'm sorry well I am trying to do you kind of hit on the night trying to get take the twenty three yes these people that anyone it is less than twenty three yes I want these guys to be the best because that reflects on you if you make a bet then you I don't wanna needs today we have all models to these young says and I'm not sure if you guys want to be back you want to be better than me and you like it was like now I don't think that then you got my note reading I'm gonna make you better yeah as if I make you better than me you have done I don't what I needed today and you'll the next role model if you were the next strong guilt you're the next one next and you know what we've done it we stock eat the bulls already %HESITATION you know and all I see everything because the tricks of the trade I mean every project I wanna come on all you will share that with everybody I need to tell you guys why I did this but how about how bout these the cat hobby to divest background behind you we define quality is like I said I'm a life coach got some motivational aside many different qualifications make you a very strong now I have a lot of qualifications in my hand I actually have the molds qualifications %HESITATION and that's why I ended up with my shop that's because I don't believe in giving up even now when I finish one project among the next I never stopped and I don't know maybe that's why I'm really bubbly all the time I'm not right next challenge although not next what what I'm doing to myself up to that point where I have everything in one hand so it makes you the most strongest possible Gail in the west Midlands and that's why in the world at the minute I'm thinking that's a three nine it's on the anything people out there out sick makes it but there's no reason why you call be the you know the face of the world and I think with your enthusiasm and with your knowledge and stuff you should definitely try and obviously I mean not right away you know I would love to work with you and see if %HESITATION you know obviously everybody sneaks into this you are amazing thanks much I would love to collaborate with you you come across as for me you said yes to me doesn't seem like a guesstimate site you're exactly the same as me and I'm not up on the web these press and you have the energy you have to drive you have the passion and you want to do good for these people I'm not I would love to it is in on it so it could be just me we're definitely not on the station could you also touched on the disabilities is on and one of my siblings and long story short is when they first came they croon walking straight lines and stuff so that to do a lot of %HESITATION patient therapy and one of the things that hit me was they will get in segregated at school and there weren't a lot to pay for what I goals and stuff and you really upset me and one of my passions and it was one of my goals I wrote down and I kick myself because you know how you go through life and the life takes of you get certain things that you you were supposed to do one of my goals is actually to create something for children with autism children with learning difficulties to have the ability to do fitness so you touched on this at the beginning of the episode early trip mate and all of it so I think it's a conversation with obviously take out of this podcast let's make an impact can the globalization's now this yet %HESITATION along projects on the cell because I think everybody from adults to young children have every they should have the same opportunities as everybody else and they should never be said we'll get and it's such a shame that you know that at school especially when such a young age that kind of life separate eat old they cannot take part in an event and I think every child has every right to be part of it is about how they do it yeah I if I can help not just out of those children of the what I needed today that that is the practice of my job so the middle part I'm not you know what yes you know what we'll do a great job with this witness well thank you for that yeah you wreck on worldwide if you would come with me because we need to access is out there so I'm gonna segue little bit dense you've had obviously not box after not blacks throughout your journey into and I can only imagine how difficult it is for a lady to go into a a predominantly male industry especially when you did and that being Asian on top of that as well but you've come through and I think it's gonna be ever done for anyone listening up until this point that nothing's going to really stop you which is fantastic and I should inspire people that a lot of it is just our self belief I'm always said just like looking for when the door just silo hole just to kind of find your way through I really love that what I want to ask you that is in this particular moment right now what is your actual biggest fear I see Molly I don't want to be safe yeah I want to be out of that to help as many people as I can in the U. K. on me maybe if it got to be at all I can't reach you need everybody that I need six not something I gained arsenic within the fear of when you start to realize that your ways have an impact to your your job or your service can change people's lives you almost feel like you said you you that you want to you want expanded so you've had like such a positive impact on so many people from here tonight looks of back to the TV shows which could be broadcasted anywhere in the world and now it's kind of like okay I've got this power with this kind of responsibility I need everyone to know this and I'm a bit like not to let your story now he's he's teaching me so much value I want to kind of share with as many people as possible so kind of agree with that because I think that's probably a similar answer to what I would say is well but one thing that I like about you that you're not afraid to show your best way as well yeah in the fact that %HESITATION what if somebody takes a %HESITATION will gets better than me I liked what you because it is about I see isn't that the point is that the point I said my best way to somebody's back as a result of me helping them exactly another people thing with that is because when somebody actually asked me the same question so when I ever started like property or fitness I was just give him everything life or limb like two six and they were like yeah you got a hold of him but to selling those that will not really because the reason I do this is so people live longer and live happy yeah yeah I would like but you should hold some of your stuff back and I said listen can copy me and they can take it that's absolutely fine actually I find that as a compliment because the logic is in me well I think of the material so they can always be one step behind me or the time so I'm happy to kind of give my best because every year even after this conversation of late so much more again and this is one of the podcast because I get to connect with people with more experience more life lessons and I almost level up every single time so I have no fear of giving my best work on that particular day because I know tomorrow is another opportunity to grow give more I nothing obviously you demonstrate that you've been doing that which is why you've been so successful print or not you're very welcome you know what you give me so many compliments and US I say a general I think the same of you I think you are very talented yeah your past that I think he's lacks a lot %HESITATION you know your quality of lax as a law I can tell just by speaking to you today that use change so many people's lives you've done exactly what I did %HESITATION %HESITATION yeah your message press which I got hello all I will definitely be recommending you to a lot of my clients someplace I can't reach some clients don't want to I J. men and women yeah so some men sometimes just want to check with someone that I know you too how to you know send the details of possibly not needs trying it out and because it's made me that I will let you know if you on line and I was somebody exactly like me hi so much passion and drive you want the best for these people and you remind me so much of me I'm right now I will go back and see people cage you are amazing and you know I love people don't give you the option to like today I mean you get the option to to come on and share my life story and I eat I'm so grateful for that because everybody gives you an opportunity not you know I mean you got message to share on something that I think will resonate with a lot of people that say this way and I appreciate that and I always think everybody's always supports me my life I'll always be split them guys you know me you are truly amazing to size I mean give me doc ready I think you know what to me I'd like I said the surface tones but came to meet your true inspiring I've come a lot from you today to keep RC dot so what I'm gonna do is now that she'd read that is all going to walk with the fun part of the show and this is a part of the show where I'm gonna ask you stuff that we haven't touched on so it can be very random topics such as coke or Pepsi for example and the reason I say this is just the kind of give the listeners a bit more of a flavor into the kind of person that you are that you off somebody else other than this driven and passionate person trying to trying to change the world you do like stuff like pizza or met on %HESITATION yeah they yeah until six so it's gonna be about sixty to ninety seconds so whenever you're ready I'll get site yes I'm ready okay we're gonna going three to one if you could abolish one thing in the world what would it be I don't know that's not a good one and I come back to the book okay your favorite hobby as for would you rather know how you would die when you would die when why are you secretly good at that nobody knows a lot of things I just I had a lot of talent no I house unless you're one of the I don't know I think I'm really good at telling jokes your biggest role model okay mumble model on the sea my father what would you like to be remembered for as one of the most all these motivational fitness girls in the U. K. in the world in the well if you could relive one day again what they would it be yeah he thought all I had the most famous Asian gill on and cakes as the day you got through so fast but I wish I had the chance to slow down I have so much to say and the show just gonna finish and that was it and I enjoyed that is amazing the ability to fly %HESITATION being visible invisible the number one thing that annoys you people gossiping about people money or fame your proudest moment see my family so proud of me %HESITATION specially come about from Luxembourg the medals into quickly and I'll be like when I walked in the house lights on these resembles a basically how to best your favorite food the food is actually agency which is by the soft cheese what is your biggest addiction I like chocolate your favorite motivational speaker myself if you could sit with one person in the world for now he would it be and finally we're gonna go back to you if you could about each one thing in the world what would it be toxic people I can't read it so that's the end of the F. on fire and and we're almost out yet the end of the show nine so I just want to ask you to form the questions if I may to read that so high so it's a wonderful thing I'm a firm believer that we can do to get to places quicker easier and less heartache but I'm also a fan believe that the JD teaches us so much as well so what when and always know when everything that you know now with all of your experience in one of your life lessons if you could go back to a young never into maybe twenty three years ago for example and whisper something into it yeah what would you say I go back and say to me da that every note box don't cry obviously but as you've got you know to to to haul a whisper and say you know what never give up and you know what become the best you can and the last question is if in a hundred and fifty years tiny signs vows to save us and all that exists is a book and in this book it's about you it's about the life of an everyday it tells us or them amazing wonderful things or the ups and downs of your life firstly what with the title of the book say and secondly what with the summary at the back tell the person picking up to entice them to read it Hey that that's fun to the book would have thought of me that smile I think he's almost social media I didn't say that never give up always smile and become the best you can yeah it just say you need to read this book like about it just an old car inside the box and it was like something like two twenty three years of my life would not be easy I had a good time to have the bad times did you know what what Judy made me who I am today I'm to be calm the best you all you need to you need to experience but you need to read this book on the yeah what say you know what you want to become strong yeah this is not in this ticket out it will make you the most phone he's accent in the world one of the generator yes I love it six I just before we close the show is there any questions that you wish I'd asked you that maybe you want to convey to the audience no I think can you awesome amazing questions questions that I've never been asked before and it made me think for the fist on on on well it was amazing you know I kinda let so much myself today I think everything you do in your life teaches you something one yeah and after this you know after the podcasts told me so much you know and it's made me a stronger the most mighty kind of pass and you know it might my message is getting across to people %HESITATION and you know and I always used thank you you're very welcome thank you as well for your time and just what I want to do now is give the audience a chance obviously connect with you so what's the best place people can reach I I and maybe tell you in that they listen to the up so just follow your Jenny which I'm sure that it is so much from other social media for me is at the moment my Facebook and Instagram post if you think what I'm doing I'm on my Instagram page which is never in doubt I'm just goal hi yeah that's HA Y. E. R. a discourse so all my Instagram and Facebook zero I see I'm on Instagram Facebook Twitter and linkedin as well but my need to use more of my life coach he motivational best place to find these Instagram you'll always see everything continue and I will kill my clients and law I do can and you know while I have no shade just about it is a mess I colleges I don't I don't feel bad for you because I know at the end of it and get the most amazing body so yeah social media %HESITATION he won T. M. and they want to go on social media because I mean the mile on an eight hi Charlie why he are at Hotmail dot co dot UK fantastic well we'll do is get %HESITATION in those a few the actual property links I'll put him in the show notes so anyone listen to this can list you click info and then directly go straight to the pages so make life a lot easier I would once again thank you for telling me show the store today for everyone at home thanks for listening thank you silence thank you and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why happiness is a choice #34

Mon, 12 Aug 2019 04:55:37 GMT

"The Hopeless, Homeless Hero" by Dave Heffernan #34

Tagline: "Control the controllables"

Dave Heffernan, has such an inspiring story. From the age of 5 his life has been about indirect selfless service linked so closely to adversity. it has seen him, become used to death at such a young age. It has seen him, cope with grief, death, homelessness and violence. Yet amongst all this, what Dave shows the best is that we all have a choice. He chooses gratitude, positivity and happiness. Dave has a perspective and mindset that I we can all benefit from to truly improve our own mental health and well-being.

Now a pioneer for mental health and wellness, Dave is making a larger impact on the world and it was a privilege to have him on the Find Your Voice Podcast. He is truly sharing his voice. Dave and I also spoke, briefly in this episode but more so prior to it about his health conditions too. He will inevitably (as told by medical professions) become paralysed. Yet even At that moment he found a silver lining and now pushes further to help serve as many people as he possibly can. This show is about people like Dave. This episode is a blueprint for what Find Your Voice is all about.

I urge you all to follow his story below:

Some key discussion points:

Making peace with your decisions
Finding the positives in adversity
How to control the controllables
The importance of listening
Improving our Mental health

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Links to Dave:

Website: https://daveheffernan.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/daveheffernanltd/ (page)

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/david.heffernan.969 (personal)

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/daveheffernanspeaker

Pippa transcript:

welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of your life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning into another episode of find your voice my name is Aren and as always I am the host of the show so I am delighted to have to bring to you today a pioneer for mental health and wellness but more importantly than that a guy who truly cares and that's how would so what Dave although Dave himself actually because I'm self the hopeless home is hero and when I asked him one of the questions that run the show but he's so much more than that you see Dave has had to deal with adversity pretty much his whole life and I'm talking everything such as death grief abuse homelessness and even violence yes one of the things I love about Dave is he's attitude and the way he touches meanings to the events that happened in his life because after all we all go through adversity but we always have a choice you see we have a choice of whether where a victim weather where a Victor and Dave explains choices in relation to always try to be the Victor and always try to see gratitude in that moment he does that incredibly now we only touched on some of these adversities in life and I'm sure you're gonna agree that he's life highs definitely had its fair share of troubles and obstacles but one of the things that I really acknowledged about David are really was grateful that he was able to share not just with me but hopefully with you guys as well was his mind set his mind set is fantastic and whatever hits him he's always finding that silver lining and that is what makes him such a special character I sincerely hope you enjoy this episode I ended you or to follow his journey after this because I have learned so much and even since recording this my whole perception has changed dramatically to order the cards that I have been dealt so without further ado let's get this interview on the way okay brand so I'm extremely excited today to welcome Dave on to the show where we're gonna be hearing about his incredible story but more important even than a focus on choices now the theme of choices will become more apparent as we obviously dive into this episode but I think before we begin I'd like to face the welcome Dave to the show and Dave how you doing today I'm all the plans are you I'm very well thank you very well so if you wouldn't mind Dave could you kindly give us a summary about you story really in terms of what got you through life and where you are today yes certainly well I grew up in a place called out sold which the self Graham I'm just that and it was actually described in a channel four documentary as being one of the roughest council station hold your and my house bordered solve the dogs we all saw the docks which is now sell the keys weather ABC immediate six years I and as a five year old needs to go over there on the owner just watch the ships in the way because it was just a magical place I am a ball parks on the aces the docks closed down and would not thousands upon thousands of them on the plugs and skilled workers and so it became a very rough and crime with in place I am SO at age five I became an altar boy and I'm a local church with the promise girl I was with and I said my very first funeral five years old which is not normal I know only a lot my life a lot of people say that's not normal and and you know what is normal and the day is you know how you base your expenses and which becomes normal GA I sell other age five assimilationist funeral and between the age of five and a S. there go with four hundred funeral soccer game quite used to death and grief a very early age in this site really shades I am a life on several of a poem about life choices I am at but what it did allow me is on the edge of a gain on official grief counselor although she said next to me just bought a house out and I always say yes all the canal provides the walk could do was listen now I support and help hundreds of people have been suicide over the last few years and the biggest thing I could dig and anybody could do to save people's lives I'm not so just help people three mental health issues is the lesson about sequence in my mouth for a reason and so between the age may in nineteen the sent over four thousand funerals so I would consider myself an expert on grieving and death I am moving forward about three death threats seven three broken jaws to over the game itself and I've identified the young forcing you all pressed you your words when and many years ago was now each way okay and so a lot of variance in my life and every single explains I abroad I don't say that was a plus seven was a learning K. that could be taken from it I'm thinking of my experiences from a very young age I was able to and won the strategy is consistent with in my life which is now coming to I am now as a mental health and well being consoles and waking the likes the football association in Manchester I working wrestling condemn isn't just out in the sun life basically why are not fascinated so I see some of the stuff you mentioned there wasn't some of the summary that you gave me when we previously spoken so much the god that you did that because it's given me a bit of an insight into some of the questions actually was preemption to ask you on the show so five years old you've almost become an official grief counselor now you just said it yourself that isn't really considered normal especially as we're kind of in that stage were very my double the car just finding out who we are I want to ask you a little bit but not then so do you feel that has had a negative impact on your life growing up in terms of how you've handled it what do you think that you are better equipped for the investor no I got don't see negativity that's all because I didn't know dot wasn't normal no that was my life and so you just go through life specialists of Jim gauge just accessing this is what it is you know kids of a guard out just putting his respect so just saying all is calm of it you know kids are very resilient and we don't give them the credit they deserve and so by you walking into the church I'm yes I remember the very first time I did it I remember clearly the coffin was higher than me I was calling government and all citizens not and then it was a quite intimidating you know the five year old I am for it was you know is currently building you know when you've got a hundred and twenty one one thirty people all crying four five six years old as you know all I could day was focused on what I was doing about sign site with the job site with the for the priest that whatever is fed in all of them the bread and the wine our weather is sad the holy communion or whatever it may be and may our number must process in my bonus and you know but with a four month on this I just have to be present and focus on what was then in the now and not with what was happening all that in the future you know so backtracked Cassie any negativity it's all about it you know it's how you is how you shape your experiences and how you react to them absolutely absolutely and I think you also to turn a brilliant point is all we talked about listening not fully enough out you just released a very short episode this week about listening but not so much in terms of the mental health perspective which is what you've touched on and the reason I think that is an important point I just wanna raise a gain but you said is because my mom suffered with chronic depression she still does for the the best part of eight years so up until eight years ago meant to have to be wasn't really it wasn't important from completely honest it wasn't part of my life was a Pontiac on these life as obviously I've started to live with someone are you my best friend who's not going through this stuff obviously became more aware and the more I speak to people with mental health heads above the premise behind the show as well the more I realize is that you've hit the nail on the head that listening is so important sometimes they don't want you to you instantly trying to fix that problem will solve it sometimes it just wanna sound board just for you to hear a man that you want is to actually feel like they might and their opinions matter something must be for that you said that and just in your line of work as well I can imagine how important it is for you to observe doing that as well as Muslim parts and the thing is what people going through depression is very real you know you get a lot of motivation speaking you gotta live people or therapist how often the pace you know I don't want to come here as a ball of therapists pedal faith you know and they give you a little bit to the field it faster I have talked about the private side of things rather than so then I just sighed and we'll give you a little bit to make you feel that that's about let me still list what if what if what if and then also bring these people living in or can't get out as at least to be with this life is a lot more and why there is my top line is my job is to be out of a job you know if I got somebody six months five on three months down the line on the still suffering and I'm doing something clearly wrong you know I'm not giving them the best and the support I could possibly give them I saw by listening you know is one of three things in all three things are prevalent within and depression anxiety not a fait regret off again this line based on my experience lost right by that is you know I see this on a daily basis I thought of it I'm sizes bit based fed weapon what if you know why because long do you know where to go out and everybody lost whatever may be I saw by listening to these people and allowing them to get let go of the package I'm not sure judging them it's got to be without judgment absolutely and by allowing them to be how the space is a space you can find out where the language in the town is fed riven all regret that right now is to begin this issue that sells all somebody sauces motion of physically I think that's how I get to the root cause quickly by listening I had a language had its own I listen to the words of using I don't sideways favorite graphic given this within dive straight into it cost on passing this really really useful to know I think obviously for people listening as well nine one the point desperate so just also is on a one to ask a question I'm not sure if it's actually relate to the profession that you're doing now you mentioned that you had death threats broken Joe was is that because of the line of work you do know is is this going back to your previous chartered when you came up in a rough area and a half and half really and trouble follows me I don't know why okay so far I think what it is I I just Constand justice and I'm not one of these and that can walk away from situations where somebody is being done by and I saw one example was I was working in our reach and projects in the red light district in Manchester I was working one young girl for seeing kilo he was sometimes harrowing shoes in a real estate eyes came as no one wants to Dave I need to die now our support people who want to die I've only ever had one who needed to die and so we what would have about three months trying to get the whole parking arise Irish gay buys me about three most lasers at Dave I wanna make a meal I want to go back in childcare so we arranged to meet the next day to Gary begins this should be for mobile phones and it's that so we can just pick up the phone is a lot of orders get out of it I saw we arranged a meeting the next day she panicked and told him what your plans a date I'm robin like Dolly downs in petrol and then all life so I get I get the calls going I've been spotted shingles body has just job remains is mostly when the size of a safe I am and so I went straight in saying the red light districts can for this pain now this guy was a six foot four black you making out he was huge and I will I will I look back it five or six outside one day you know looking a little bit in this and I and you know one of the day one of best advice I can give anyone is don't make decisions when you're stressed I was extremely stressed out point anyway instead right out me and he left me for that he got me a job and is that a lot of services you back to my steak and I will tell you now I want a job very depressed chin off the lot I tried to kill myself it was half onto the vans while back at it I am a ball I had so much guilt and shame because all I kept on thinking about was why if I were to go out one night she pushed open a life but when I was back in the also by days and does not yield I actually asked the priest I am when I was eight years old and how to live a life no regret it all gets on him with these people saying I wish I want to spend more time with that as an hours were spent more time with him Hey all which is about the argument and the presets miss its image to make peace with the decisions they still alive no regrets I made these re dozens immediately but I'm Bob if you were done it with a sound mind but it and even if it wasn't a sound mind occasion extremely stressed on groups high on whatever then you wasn't a place on mind in order to be able to regret if that makes sense because on happened I sell for about three months I was in depression pockets and trying to find the positive captain John's final engagement and it was so difficult but then I realized control controls about time we could not logistically got Hallam I'd like to spend one night it was impossible I was amazed at how quickly the relief comes upon you when you start seeing the pasta sauce in the landing gear and what you could control them we can't control I'm gonna start thinking about and you know what she was going through at the last moment in their life I don to me nobody CAD hi there was only fifty he watched as shown any signs of carrots in their life I'm not gave me a sense of empowerment when I thought you know what I'm doing good you know what and she was dying at least she would have really realize that there's always one person cannot support life on the line to help I'm not coming through you know I don't give myself and feeling the guilt and shame also for giving the painful why did the big gap ball just to disassociate out pay not he wants to make the case as a result of his actions and tried to kill myself or went to depression I and you know nobody should have that power I had given him I'm not so mad good three for moms of run allies and we never single day until it felt natural I am ultimately you know the pain was taken away once I gave some regret fanfic given this in the three if you can get and that along your life will be so content and stress free I can show you Dave that's up to the amazing give you resonated with me there on so many points I mean I've got a numerous amount of things I want to talk about I think first as we say it's very odd mobile in terms of what you did you know you did everything that you could to try to try and help that poor Gail so I'm very very glad that you managed to forgive yourself afterwards I'm just on the forgiveness side in terms of what the pimp did and you said you forgave someone the reason that resonates with me is because I was a soldier left for that as well and it was it was a crossroads in my life and I probably didn't go to the same extent of depression obviously my circumstance was slightly different but one of the things I would say is that when I forgave that pace and and I disassociated that paid more my life became so much better I I was able to find beauty in stuff again I met my wife I I'm things despite changing for me massively and forgiveness I don't know if this is a male thing I don't know if it's just because I'm a stubborn passing growing up and it's just my character it was difficult there was there was ego attached to it doesn't wash off to give somebody else and is what you just said they had power over me and the moment I kind of I actually it roll it out myself and finally to fight you sent on Facebook because I knew the person was and I wrote a message saying I must be forgiving you for me not not yourself because I I'm not even sure if that person remembers it first always to if that yeah if the categories below that I need to do this for me and when I did that according spend it was almost like instant dot I had this relief over me so I I think this view from I'm so glad that you've done that but it just shows I mean you she said trouble follows you initially I was thinking what is Dave up to on his case but I to be what you are trying to do is that you just try and save and I get you I get that feeling of injustice when you fill that especially I think when somebody else who's the more helpless than yourself is in this situation getting taken advantage of I think another thing I just want listens to really take home from it other than the three important things that day stresses control the controllable was yeah and if I may do a quick segue then I want to speak about the stuff that you told me prior to coming on the show which is obviously what we haven't touched on but I think a game is definitely going to add some value to Alice this so if it's alright with you Dave just in terms of some of the health complications because there was a pivotal point when you made a choice and it's not choice I really want to kind of delve into and what this this to kind of take a lesson from the from me yes so other what we're talking about here is the C. functions and other health I am so years ago a spy game breathless and make up the point where I can even by the bike down hill without being out of breath I'm and I went to see the doctor is in the got the same cost my no you haven't yes how many got a boy I never actually got back Klaas about so we lose not strange and we've got that class of dogs and the doctor actually can there are protests do we really know allow us man we did the COPD test which I'm never smoking a lives on it wasn't anything that never would rust vessels and I lock for what he did get a build out awesome and so they said yeah you got something going on we along so well since it along to someone someone someone console and said yeah you got out of time as far as you sent by one costly and now it sucks out the eight percent by one class A. IRA got paralyzed die from well they don't believe the standalone so sexual and mountain religious then and the knowledge that all the tests tomorrow said yeah you've got Iran Iraq from all your own disease Sargon from last night yes it's a box the moms come must match the Harmonia owns these anyway so I was on day six times a day and plus Martina was I was like a zombie it was horrendous I was moments in every day and most ineffective headaches we've got such a you know I can do the basic things like going to flow in the children play jigsaws I think also point why apple only hearing of the moment is no no no when the bodies are asking the simple basic docked things play football or may do this do not I have all the people of Bob let's say no you know and so a long time sampling insight and how the topless Raquel Altamira Hache bottom side effects now through my experiences well you know what I'm I'm quite blocking why I'm very good at taking the emotion now situations now looking at the fox and I thought you know what black and white I would rather be in pain and broke free and be in pain I have a lot of books in the system out and side effects so I said to my wife is a rock coming up on the topless and I came up from overnight I she she was there in the old up room he gonna die you gonna die yeah I said you know what the only person in control of may is may you know I don't mean about why are negative ways for I've got to make the right decision to make my body I when you look at how the body works anyway isn't is a genius to recall we just abuse it you know I know you know there is hope that we can fix so many things and we just feel it right and actually you know do the meditation do the yoga do whatever needs to take as a fuel line so how about ten days of shit hell it was horrible balls in a spot left in the fog closing was coming I could stop walking about federal occurs logging on the floor playing the kids I'm once you get a little bit of hope was amazing no big the light is you know you start seeing the future again stop seeing what's happening a soul as I get a bit more of a better quality of life and they're all just because of the free I was honestly and all about eight weeks ago I am my back is been called me a lot of pain and so I went for an MRI and engine I'm all right and they said the August of a spinal canal stenosis which also means I will to power lines at some point now I've just put me back I watched in those couple days I'm not able to walk properly it's been a nightmare I am I saw once okay so and in the seventh year private canceling because the NHS about eighteen weeks and then he somehow manages and I said look awake in mental health did you know cost I just called to say that is I don't want all through her bedside manner when is his worst of anywhere and you may as well talking to dignitas because at least you got nice holiday Swithland I am and for those who don't know what the process is is the place where people go to end the life legally in Switzerland and why is basically saying is because of my lungs and the way the violin capacity is one on your own everything else he said there was a hundred percent chance of death on the operating table so the choice I was now faced with was desktop Rosi's which you know not many people help us all Giles in the life is usually showing up at economic I'm as I'm with Josh and I have a I and my overall overwhelming and emotional about signing wasn't one of mine and stress it was actually graduate and banks eyelash ISIS shook him by the hand of the Jenny when I thank you from the bottom half of the way you've explained it to me and it looks a bit shocking if you use them well if you were to said there was a sixty percent chance of dying on the table but not may well have been going through my mind constantly which were struck by the time away from my kids my stretches time with my kids I wouldn't think about it my way is it worth the risk where is now you said you got homes and John the dying it's taking not this is not my hands now provoke someone I want to focus on which is a plus the things in my life I can still have a relationship when the boys in a wheelchair account of him that you know so that's all I think again there's always something to be grateful fall it's just we don't want to look for it very sorry to hear you consistent house from was there but I just think it's B. for how you or somebody who's been faced with those adverse to all this trouble and stuff and you still see the gratitude side of it and this was at you while I want to speak about the star of the show but you got to answer the question and I think it lies in the hundred percent that the console came back with so when they said you had a hundred percent they took that decision out of your hands and obviously you were left with one choice but even so then I still think you made an incredible choice that I think the list is content value from is that it's very easy to sit and feel sorry for yourself I think why me I don't deserve this the world's after me I'm always trying to be a good person I'm always trying to do good stuff was a calmer this broad just think is be for that the first thing that came in your mind was okay cry shoot what kind of take from this wall the positives from this and this is kind of all want the show to be about we're going to be hit with life you know from different time people had bought cards out to assess and time some ways to know this but it's about one supposed to that we can just draw from this what moment off hoping you system debut for a year on his bike and hope back in that little girl is always let's get the whole back in our eyes as well as individuals this is a question you know you say why many people it's not a question that you can I sell why not me yeah you know what makes me so special why I should get the address Yala stress all whatever you know the end of the day I truly believe we we only given what we can handle via email and I'm very I'm using this as a way of spreading the message out like you know what no my how things get yeah there's a quote by Jim Rohn one moments also I think he's just a genius I am I am one of those quotes and all I'm paraphrasing a little bit below a side and after every recession this growth of the darkest hour blow is symbolized you can't get the glory can't get the really good stuff yeah without going through the doctor's is it possible that we all are stressed now live we can't do anything about but what we can do is how we react to it what we can change our reacts like and I don't see that is not one single person I can give me and an experience our situation where I will not be able to find a possible landing gear from every single aggressively both very expensive often will have a positive on a landing path absolutely I think that's a brilliant analogy in general is obviously one of my mentors as well as you were saying that was almost thinking very quickly let the adversity that I've been through enough though about how much wiser and how much more resilient how much stronger I I'm as a pace and as a result of it and although we in that particular moment you're you're going to wish this never happened but I'm so grateful that my whole perception myself awareness and everything that I've become over the last three or four years I don't think would have ever got that just by reading books or watching you two videos sold out in a way I'm grateful for I suppose in and maybe that's those are the words not because I've heard you say that but I am I know you always say you know why not me but it's very inspiring to his someone like yourself you not your messages to others who share your story out and hopefully change people's perception and the way that they see the road is on because if you can see from the way you see intent of this is look at the beauty from this let's just take a lesson from it them I think will be a much much better place definitely for the six okay now obviously your life and Dave is obviously a lot different to you say ten fifteen years ago of C. with health complications this stuff is all and I you got two young boys as well what's today's life than for you like a typical day several days I'll wake up in a guarantee that me eight year old eighties and Solomon but all laid on the bed next was involved the wife and the son and of the self control and it is extremely caring loving my twelve year old he's got this box here and and is on the autistic spectrum and got some eleven to go is and is now is say Thailand good lately well day now when nobody is looking and but yeah he's just bombed by use of that the first thing people say I am a which gives me the Spanish right away to get open stop doing and is it you know I would be racism drop into the question you know we're only a fine line between depression not the question and and so seen those in the morning and it gives me a strand stretch the Waco best thing to do is I'll just lie in bed and I'll list off in my mind and that will mean changes after the day and also walk I'm grateful fall before he went off and I am a great fan of visualizing and and just understanding now let me out of control of how our day and happens and then I'll go downstairs of breakfast and usually the Bosnian skill and I always say the fast off hours right now it's just meditate and you know I can meditate with boss people talking to me I can just jump into it now and and then I'm ready for the day a lot of the day and the the first question I always ask guaranteed when I stopped into wet mold is you can help that's the first question I always ask yourself why he can help it's not about money is not about fighting you know a lot of my life has been bouncing around in the background now I mean I'm not now I'll set this business of in the last year or so Abbas available in the form of in the background and you know the signs when why who don't realize this I am at all I then think about well actually doing this all thing I'm going to speak in say a hundred people off thousand people which you know even if it's only five percent of the people want to take on board what site basta lot change now so yeah the border and the solving the bass and I I don't have I don't go through life with a plan now and I'm not I'm not a big plus I just say I just take off to anywhere Jim this is I am a tree everybody's equal and respectful I and thank you know good things are tracking go things to me so what is your intentions and what version you know forget about how you get that they also self out devil of that message I think cam is something all I preach quite a bit as well in terms of intent is all and I just absolutely love your intense for the day are you cannot how and I can see that this genuine it's authentic obviously from hearing your box story in terms of see the work that you've done even now it's it's it's a selfish thing it's not like a promotional thing in terms of Hey look at me it's kind of let you guys let me help you move forward in life is on a really really do like that and I think we are in a society in I'm not here to kind of go off on a rant and stuff but there are people he manipulate people quite on social media in terms of trying to even make a ball I said things always almost like tell themselves and if you really grinds my gears it January does because I think I obviously come from a similar situation to yourself a lot of the the work I've done I've always tried to be selfless because I'm Linda from a mobile homes foster care she's adopted kids she was a nice a whole life why then gave a very lucrative job to become a social worker trying to change the world as a sort of a cat realize you quickly I could do that I have brothers and sisters at you from the foster care system you have got waters and special needs so a lot of my life has always been about savings and even this podcast itself is truly is a passion project my sole purpose when I do this episode is kinda just Spock one paces mine today and I've always done the and from the moment I released it irrespective of mild is always in the way of my accent was will be starring Anna being or the long I was I hopefully I can give someone dot of maybe inspiration that if I can do they can do more employees gay people it yourself on to the show to really change their perspective and make them realize actually we need to come by our excuses we need to face off is because that's where that's for the beauty lies in life and I'm sure they respect them for the bad things are going on in your life I'm sure even a much better place especially between your is that in your mind right not having suffered everything that you saw fit and the reason I asked about the routine is always because I'm a firm believer that we all results of the hobbits not before when a daily basis so it's nice to see you obviously how liberating gratitude you've got your kids stay the ship instant inspiration not sure why that gets you out of bed on in the meditation a game that is something that I really need to work on so the fact that you can just going to meditation at any stage I'm assuming it's because you've been practicing it for a long time yeah yeah stop it absolutely absolutely so think of just one particular instance date just for the the laces of when you paid for investigate it could be something that you already mentioned or it could be something completely different but what I want you to do is actually give us one thing that maybe somebody who has a similar predicament or similar scenario where they can say actually I can relate to that yes whatever experience and we go through and a lot of my experience is a lot of people comes afterwards all my life for the past year or so yeah for me for a long way because I don't really think is exciting and ball I think one of the things that have the biggest impact on me and people will so I relate to this war the been threw themselves on the scene on the news is when I was homeless and is a huge story at the moment being homeless and then I was sixteen on time when I was done on the house and my first night we spend ninety nine to this wall so what does he once he is running with all those years ago and I and my first night was spent in a very small great been shot full of cobwebs side there is but one dollar range run this on the clock and I was thrown out by and the reason why I was blown out is because I am I wanted to be a volunteer I wanted to sell the chalk at club and also went broke I am done once been a gallon he wants to escape self and the club address and I don't want to stay in self in the bay of address and as always was a log heads and we didn't see eye to eye in just three now the house so for two years more showers living above Rubino squats in cemeteries Simon pop and she is but during this time and I was all the dog inside the thought you know what why the plane going bottom down south saying sorry out in a gallon when it's a yes the knocking about shock at about one assault you know and one thing I always advocate is delayed I just yourself no no my you comes out of your life goes out you live as usual a lot a selling point as well as a lot of depression happens a lot mental health issues because you're not living it yourself you live in the store with other people and making out I am and so I was quite adamant that I wanted to get a shock at club morning because we have no internet no phones I got Dave that'll get signposted surveys jocks all counseling while yeah I just went to my plan I saw knocking on doors asking for money for the shock at club I and I one point I was in the same clothes I've been in about three months I was seriously on the white and I was still going on the doors and the receipt about two and a half thousand knows a lot of rejection because why would anybody gave a sixteen year old money is quickly close you know some money for his jock at gold is for drugs clearly now that's what I was thinking and so I met this guy yeah the council and said you know I want it's going to I watch yes games and now I really want to get a shock at global warming I and he helped me with that a business plan to go back to these offices to show them the business plan and see where and get the money I wouldn't twenty five knocks about twenty five yes isn't enough money to get a job at a club morning which is incredible join up out of the nose you know and then there's a great picture that we see on the internet somebody dig in this year's splice so my Dick in was a minute walking away another friend is apart goals I am is I always believe is out the darkest hour his generals and out the darkest hour anything you know what about people just get a bit more he's not this way the excitement is about when is when you want to give all I'm just a you know watch Lamar knocks one more email one more call us when a locked in when you are the lowest because just testing you see what you really want to and all I so I got this job that global warming and the plastic he's always the council and they run into the ground with a mostly closed now I can enjoy the controls I was emotionally spent on this point I was drained it was gone and I was in hospital as well on its own and was known under white magician why you want to call it I am at bottle everything all my energy into getting the shock a clock now what I learned from not a is you know see three to the very end now if you've got someone of your passion about see three other very and and if you don't as much as you can and you can no more just make peace it is not gonna really made in semi better you know I mean Paul I recognized by gone as far as the court I can't control the people's behavior you know and that behavior was I want money from their offices to regenerate itself but to put money into the council offices not to sell jog or clubs no I did exactly what I need to do I just I made I am my dream trade I am but what Bob was allowed me now is is give me an experience I can fall back on so every time I'm doing a project I make choices available when I pass all over I do my due diligence to make sure all bought you know about products developed developer Larry and get a scapegoat develops at some point may soon now I'm just making sure everything is in place so when I walk away it's gonna be that in five years time you know but without like Spain's we're doing the same mistake again and again and again and again you know Paul I didn't have and two years was a I was on the street on the sale of the book of data squawks other than almost hospitals you know I'm a mess Billy a silent people you know I'm I like the net almost as Lois offered I'm not block mage was the next number by the federal daily I and I was looking down on them and think you know your skull I'm my first thought was you know what this is my classmates call calmly these are my people I'm in this position so that ball is only fat I get to know them I respect I understand how the docks where they are as I used to ask questions to them and say you know I've just said that listens to them and some of the address alike the difference being as I could cope doctors say how could solve the problem analyze it naturally leave me through it which is why they got was not situation of armed robbery and anyway long story Shaw I've got a job and may never in a telemarketer place and I hated it with a passion also two days that made one single sale because I didn't make I am a single phone call I hated it I and I got socks and I went back in and there's a lot going on Monday when the wages on as a way not game thank you note delays and stock prices big argument honest I'm gonna see this place called a small man and when say it's for the money which is locked out a few weeks later I got knocked on the door and it was solved is the ID on I was arrested crossing the plate I slash identically smoke so I was placing seven and a half years in prison and I don't have a clue how or why this is happened by the demo tape the doctor I'll let you know I know I live by and miss all the pretty much depend on me foremost lasers answering bail and the Saudi offices that don't even play you can go as a volunteer but more than not and several somebody's actually own up to it so much contrast it turned out the the drug dealer there was a living wage I had not been arrested and Josh with it down into the police station on is what's where I can access only substrate going down they did date I think you're fast seven years now the reason why I say that story is because you've got some accounts so he with that to safeguard the children's future on that strangely round one interested yeah you get the proceeds come on the air the armed robbers look dealer because I treated them respects because I listen to them because I don't to start well they had a story when they need it save the actual the looked a lot when in and confessed and got some yes free on my behalf you know so lost just shows and from that point on I talk a lot in the connection speak in a subtle about pre judging in business just treat everybody respects organised on the everybody's got a story your son is being that it's just yet the golf story the gonna solve issue that we not been able to watch the results themselves problem some slack give them respect say I'm here for you if you want to talk about it if not just walk away by Alicia tried don't reactionary supports about negative it's a treat everybody with respect equally and it will come back to have holes in the future a currency that's yes this is a Dave I understand entirely now what people are saying that life is so boring compared to yours because it's such an incredible story I just them I get a bit emotional when I just see let people do really good things for people like do this office act so that act there from the seat scum of the earth is just absolutely it's it's a beautiful lesson it's a lesson for us all to obviously take on board and again you've you said the right words that we need to call people slack when somebody maybe approaches in the wrong way or that might be having a bad day but if you could just or treat each other with kindness and respect I think the will just be in such a bad place but there's another brit lesson to gain that you touched on it I want people to take home is persistence two thousand five hundred knows now there's a lot of us including myself don't even wanna get rejected once and I think we have to get used to you know where is my perceptions change or not not for example I am in property so the amount of rejection from stages is incredible and I will say not every time again no it's okay but now one step closer to that yes again it's just it's just a note saying I say to myself and not kind of destroys me on to go forward so I think not gain is an incredible less and and on that note we aren't you going to go into a part of the show which is a very random policial I'm not sure you'll even aware of this but what I do that is just for about sixty to ninety seconds just a bit of lighthearted fun just to kind of give the listeners I love it more about you just a bit more of a flavor because obviously sometimes the stories can be quite dog so this is just gonna be a bit of lighthearted fun so are you ready I'm ready okay fantastic so we're gonna stop in three two one if you could abolish one thing in the world what would it be hate crime Muncie on Monday night many night good choice your favorite hobby read it your biggest role model my sons what would you like to be remembered for the cat your biggest goal this year S. speaking in New York your worst mistake not me the wife early enough if you could relive one day again which they would it be well I didn't die the ability to fly or be invisible invisible the number one thing that annoys you not by males money or fame now that you're proudest moment John cat global movement your favorite food that isn't ships what song best describes your life Elvis Presley walk a mile in my shoes if you had an extra hour day how would you spend it on the bodies Netflix the jeep Eugene your number one piece of advice to your children yes self our favorite motivational speaker calyces I'm finally if you could sit with one person in the world for an hour he would it be but one that mom side love that make so how did you find out hot hot again the beautiful thing with this is obviously people can take as long as I want really to answer the questions and all the sudden caught the dead space so it makes you actually look like a must the mind intense anger I answered straight away okay we're almost at the end is shown I Dave so I'm a fan believe the hindsight is a wonderful thing and upon reflection we can always think of ways to get to where we are quick cash easy at Willis heartache but I'm sure you'll agree that obviously the Janie teach to so much as well so knowing exactly what you know now if you could take yourself back to younger Dave and whispers something in that person's yeah what would you say I would go but it's the first night being homeless find out west in the they all went south they all went sour is yeah everything's very reason evidence rallies on alphaworks out just a sense of hope yeah it's just people get you know I don't know people get bogged down in how how how to get to a place house the this you know if we just relaxed and just trusted Argo and did what we felt was right mmhm then it will never send you in a long path yeah hi my name is and your address pop and you know not very nice pa every single one when I look back and I do mean all of me speaking now I want to die was a look back every single aspect of my life and it's been like therapy I and I look back a sliding doors moment some water you know what I'm I'm not change anything I think you stories incredible not enough I think we've all got a story to be honest yeah we can order back in the console cut the moments is sometimes it is just about actually acknowledging it and not does suddenly bring us on a key to the last question and the last question I always ask one of my guess is about legacy so if in a hundred fifty years time science house to save us and all that exists is a book and this book is about you Dave and it's not all the way in a wonderful incredible things that you've done in life you know the life that you've touched firstly what with the title of the book B. and secondly what with the summer at the back tell us about your side of the ball I don't know and hopeless almost zero I love that yeah Linda and the Blair probably say something light it had an impact some more lives than actually name and it was okay without involved yeah yeah I think that's brilliant I'm Dave just before we close the show will give the list as a chance love to connect with you via social media channels is there anything that you wish I had asked you today no no it this court is court yes towards pretty much everything okay fantastic well if there is obviously anything people come to connect with you I would definitely order my list is to connect with Dave after the show Dave where is the best place people can reach out and send you a DM life playground Islington and which is Dave happens speaker you can get me on Facebook as well David half men and bought my Facebook page is not talked about moment except Paul manages an online okay fantastic I what we'll do is always to get day anti links and open the show or not so just to make it easier for everyone they let you have to click it I want to thank Dave for sherry he story seventies vulnerabilities and shown his wisdom fun today show and also wanna thank everyone at home thanks for listening thank you and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to be liked more, by listening better #33

Mon, 05 Aug 2019 04:55:08 GMT

How to be liked more by listening better #33 by Aren Deu

Tagline: "If you want to be considered interesting, become interested!"

So listening is a skill that many of us probably believe we already have. I mean after all, for the fortunate number of us who have our hearing we have used our ears all of our life. From hearing people talk to us, to dancing around to our favourite songs our ears have brought us a lot of joy. In fact, music alone is something that instantly can change my mood, and as I write this summary I have thought of point number 6.

Now points 1-5 are in the actual episode, but number 6 which has randomly cropped up between my ears is this: Think about how you listen to your favourite songs. Think about how much attention you give to the lyrics, words and cadence of the song. It's usually not too long before you actually know the words off by heart and end up doing your own covers, right? Now imagine if you could give that much attention when listening to other people. Do you truly do that? Or do you switch of mid conversation? Do you try to interrupt them half-way through? I mean, I've yet to listen to a song and interject my artists by saying "i just don't agree with that line".

Now in case this sounds like an extremely random example, I assure you it will make more sense when you listen to the very short episode giving 5 tips on how to become a better listener. To truly become a great listener, we have to see it as a skill that takes effort and practice. It is very similar to speaking. Yes we can speak and shout and sing, but how good are we truly?

Key talking points in this episode:

Things not to do when someone is talking
How you should react when someone is talking
Why you should do the above, to build better more meaningful relationships
When to solve problems and when to just be a soundboard for the person.

I sincerely hope this episode provides you genuine value. It is a simple skill, we so often overlook. We are a result of our habits, and if some of you out there find it difficult for people to engage with you, trust you, or even talk more openly to you. Then you may need to assess how you listen. Take a real long look at yourself. Self assessment is key to growth and on this journey we all want to become better and reach our potential. We all want to find our voice and write our own story, but we all want to be heard too. So let's work on our listening and level up.

P.s. Remember this episode applies to all walks of life. So try it at work, with your friends, family or even in public when a stranger crosses your path.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

From Sexual abuse to seeing ghosts #32

Mon, 29 Jul 2019 04:55:00 GMT

"Never alone" by Kathy Courtney #32

Tagline: "We all more powerful and stronger than we believe and capable of healing from so much more than we think"

Sexual abuse, failed businesses, seeing ghosts and so much more has been a part of this amazing women's life. Yet above all these words all I found and saw was true strength. I see a lady who has overcome so much, but shows us all that we are so much, that we are all so strong and capable.

We often get into comparisons in life about who struggles the most, but when you hear someone who has been a victim of childhood sexual abuse, only to then still not have an easy ride throughout life but remain radiant, positive and wish a mission to serve others, you can only sit back and smile in admiration.

I am so grateful for Kathy sharing her story, showing her vulnerabilities, showcasing her courage and also letting us into her world. Intuitive energy healing is now something she helps so many other people with, as it was the key driver behind helping her overcome her childhood memories. A lady who is on the journey to finding her voice and gaining confidence in spreading her message and one I feel will definitely leave her mark in such a great way.

Some key discussion points:

Sexual abuse is not your fault
Understanding supernatural gifts
Overcoming business failure
Realising your true purpose and passion
Understanding how strong we truly are

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Links to Kathy:

Instagram: https://instagram.com/kathycourtney7?igshid=1l85l6voewk99

Website: https://www.kathycourtney.net

Pippa transcript:

welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning into another episode a fine your voice my name is Aren and as always I am the host of the show so I'm delighted to have to bring to you today Kathy and Kathy story is one that told me so much in such a short space of time in fact I wish I met her a yeah because what Kathy told me and I'm sure as you listen to this episode it's going to teach you to is that we have so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for I mean how many times have you been to something I think it is going to break you to find that said she made you or if it has a major in that circumstance is definitely made you more resilient more stronger so it's kind of what I want you guys to walk away after this episode is to try and maybe step outside your comfort zone and embrace that fear and take on that little bit of pain maybe for some future gain because I promise you when you head Kathy you see that she's such a more beautiful place right now I have suffered all this incredible amount of adversity from the sexual abuse to losing business is so much more you're going to realize that the human will it's strong it's so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for so I am delighted to have hi there on the show I am extremely grateful that she opened up with have under bill ease and she opened up with this story which is something that I think of the city's more exposure in the road it's something that I wish one day be quit completely see the end of but sadly if we don't what I do want people to do is know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel so without further ado people thank you once again for treating it and I hope you enjoy this episode let's get over to it I want to welcome to the show Cathy thank you for taking time out of your day to come on and share your story how you doing today I'm doing amazing thank you for having exciting I'm happy to be here bless you thank ya I'm extremely happy to have you on the show as well so I was always just a leading to a yeah there's so many elements of your story that that I could relate to but there were also some stuff in terms of the emotional trauma that you experience as a child there's a lot of grief there there's a lot of stuff that we just spoke about very briefly prior to star in this episode that you realized five my life wasn't as normal as you have so it wasn't yeah so I think it be a great place if record if you could stop by maybe give the listeners a little bit more about yourself if you could kind of open up and tell us as much as you feel comfortable with your story okay yeah perfect and so I am the oldest of four children and that those parents were in the home and my dad worked to my mom was a stay at home mom and an eight a one to start with my dad because I see the ad and learned a lot from him my dad %HESITATION contracted polio when he was a very young baby so he was handicap his entire lice on it so I really felt that my first lessons in %HESITATION being compassionate and really being resilient and strong came from hen and watch seen how he dealt with %HESITATION adversity and his life because %HESITATION you know having a parent that wasn't able to walk slowly and eventually in a wheelchair and you know he made sure that we did all the normal things that kids do you you know took us to the beach sand tickets to you you know I'm use net parks and now being a parent myself and those things are hard just for you know up at appearance but but it but now realizing %HESITATION with the disability that he had you know why %HESITATION those things are so difficult and he never complains on he never held back from anything so really I think those were the first lessons that I learned where from him %HESITATION and then there there are two parts to my childhood that really led me ops you kind of the work that I do now which is the reiki healing and also %HESITATION I am a medium so I do you know mediumship readings and I my first memories %HESITATION being a child's where that as being sexually molested at a very early age by my paternal grandfather %HESITATION and dotted use lasted for an extended period of time %HESITATION between six and seven years and %HESITATION also during that time I was starting to experience %HESITATION what what most people would when baby label as supernatural sort of experiences and and by that I mean I would see shadows which now I understand and spirits %HESITATION I would see shadows as animals and people and and the way my mom kinda described it sees that there was always something trying to get my attention so I would be let's have a deep cleaning my room and you know little things that happened things would come off the wall where I would feel a presence in my room and and then there were lots of things that I knew that there was no way of me possibly knowing friend stands I would say %HESITATION the phone was ringing and so once I was calling and my mom would say well the phone's not even ringing and then a minute or two later the phone would ring with the exact same person that that I would say would call and I also had %HESITATION an out of body experience when I was about six I think I was six or seven years old and I might grandparents lives sort of in a in a open kind of country field and they had thrown some sort of poison out for that for the rodents I think and %HESITATION being a little kid just kind of curious %HESITATION I happen to eat the apple is and so fast you know started bleeding internally and you know rest the hospital all that kind of thing and I clearly remember leaving my body and you know I could see the nurses and doctors and all this work being done on my body and so those were memories that I had that I never I didn't understand what was happening at the time and I think a lot of it I did explain to my mom and you know she has seen what kind it is say well let's pray about it or if you would say let's got insert search %HESITATION something like that and then those experiences to students start happening and so she had to move a couple of times because you know she thought well maybe the house was Hines said order and and those those type of things on and so you know that happened throughout my my tile tied on and then when I was about twelve or thirteen my grandmother passed away and %HESITATION I remember she came out of sort of a bathroom stall and you know there there's a mere right in front of me and she appears to me in that mere %HESITATION so those are all things that where we're really %HESITATION you know I wasn't scared of those things you know you're not scared until someone tells you that you need to be scared and exits are wasted it was just a normal thing for me and I thought well does this happen everywhere I just really had no idea yeah at that time %HESITATION and so you know so being you know sexually molested interviews at the time and and that's going on you know it was definitely not what you would say your normal tight why yeah I think I'm gonna have to agree with you that because we were speaking I was trying to say obviously the premise of this show is to let people know that not always alone in in their adversity that they're suffering be you've definitely touched on some stuff that it's almost like a combination of extremes are suppose I've got so many questions I mean is if I may so firstly I just wanna say your dad sounds absolutely incredible and I think he's amazing the fact that I think especially that generation as well with the just the just get on with stuff and and I really love that and I think you almost had like a fish row seat at seeing how to deal with adversity and how to displace life's challenges which probably makes you so strong and empower you know when I can hear yourself now you're in such a great place where is it so easy to probably be in a completely different place haven't been through what you've been through so %HESITATION I think props to yourself and obviously to your father for that then obviously we move on to the more I suppose sensitive subject my way you were sexually molested and yes I'd be doing a disservice as opposed to the lessons and also to myself and if a game please if if this is making you feel comfortable you haven't you don't have to run so but I just want to ask how that affected you when did it stop affecting you in your life or is it still something that you deal with today and it's definitely not something that I deal with today and it's something that it took me a long time to work through and that eight but I have found a place of peace with its %HESITATION you know tearing does a year is I I I guess because of the other situations that were going on in my life I became very good at disassociating myself with the abuse and my emotion around it on and it wasn't until later so I was you know %HESITATION eleven or twelve years old when you know most kids are going through those changes where you know you're you're not a child that you're awesome not a teenager and and so you know I definitely went through a lot of it and just completely hating myself you know south heat and the prior question and stealing %HESITATION so isolated in those feelings and I'm just a lot of different emotions you know but mostly it was the south heat I completely hated myself now I didn't like the way I looked and I didn't like the way I felt and I didn't like my late tonight I didn't like anything about me and so that you know that I can say that that's how it affected me and then and around I think it was around eleven when I was really going to the changes %HESITATION might I started experiencing like a real physical keen in my body it was intense pain I'm I literally like I would say I stopped walking because my body was in so much pain and my mom you know my mom took me to the doctors they couldn't find anything really medically wrong with my body I'm and now looking back I knew and because of the work I do now I know I know that it is that it was that energy of that trauma that was stuck in my body and the energy of not being heard and not being able to speak up for myself that I was experiencing a real physical pain %HESITATION and it ended up that the doc they thought maybe it was index and they thought it was something you know with you know my female I guess organs and I I had a surgery had surgery because they did not know what to do with me they didn't know what is wrong with me on and so now looking back I think that's totally crazy that you know it went that far but at the time and I don't think that I was able to verbalize you know what happens to the extent that it happens %HESITATION I felt that a lot of that was covered at my extended family and I eat I literally didn't know what to do and now I know like I said I just think it was the pain of that trauma that my body was experiencing why am and just on the as you were saying that there was %HESITATION there was a quote that I listen to your car remember exactly where it came from but it says to heal the wound you must feel of wind and really resonated with me so not in the respect that I've been through what you've been to but I had been physically a so it to the point that I was almost left for dead a long time ago it's a story for another day and somewhat of a vote to shed but for me to be able to really have overcome that and went through the process of forgiveness and really trying to go back into that moment running kind of just plastering over and pretend it never happened it was only then my lifestyle to really change so would you say that was highly of the seat I know you're into you you do healing therapy now is off is that how you find your way of really moving on I suppose from the trauma you experienced and then releasing yourself and I no longer hopefully experiencing physical pain yeah eight it was a combination of things on I think after that experience with the surgery and jazz really you know I've always been very into it as %HESITATION and I've always been very in tune with my cells %HESITATION even though sometimes I didn't have the words to express what I was feeling I didn't feel like I have the support on I knew that that my life wasn't always going to be that way you know I knew that even as a young child and %HESITATION you know I would turn on it with read and so it seems like I've always been into like self help and self healing even at a very young age %HESITATION that there were lots of little incidents after that you know I I found myself in that piece of near it first marriage in which I quickly got out of that %HESITATION and then I went on to start a business with my current husband his amazing and supportive and I love him and %HESITATION things are going well with that and then a recession hit %HESITATION unfortunately and so we we pretty much lost it all and see now all the money and all the hard work that we had to put in sweats and so I also had it needs a new baby at the time and then you know go in trying to trying to rebuild from that %HESITATION and then I find out that my dad on has a terminal illness called pulmonary fibrosis and he was given six months to live so you know it's like a one thing happens and then you know now I am I'm caring for my newborn and and then I find out I'm going to have another child and then navigating through caring for my children and for my dad you know and and walking him through the process of his journey into his transition because you know he he only has six months to live at that point %HESITATION and so you know that was a beautiful gift but it was it was a difficult guest as well just just seen him go through that and then %HESITATION you know but I I did make a promise to him because we had we had all this ad tying Ted to talk about all the really important things and on my child's head in his childhood and and just a really understanding of each other and %HESITATION you know he made me promise that after his his transition I would get censored if there be I would seek out help I would seek out since ready healing and because not only was I going to have to heal from my childhood just that the fact hearing from from losing him because he he does quite literally my best friends so I went on to you know I I I need a promise to him and I was gonna sell sell that promise so I did seek out a couple of therapists and it was you know talk therapy and I I really didn't feel %HESITATION that I was making much progress and so someone mentioned %HESITATION EMDR so %HESITATION I don't know the specifics of how it %HESITATION that I did a couple of sessions with that and it was amazing %HESITATION and then one of my best friends who she's been on this journey with me sensor might style tent I'm she sat and at the time I was really into meditation I got into meditation and started really %HESITATION implementing a spiritual practice of my own and so she said Hey I heard about this healing circle it's a meditation circle I think you would really really really enjoy it and so I decided to go and that was my first experience with energy healing I had an energy healing session there and it was such a release I he asked out so much come out of my body I had this experience where I sell to my dad and in the presence of that room %HESITATION I saw him I heard him I was able to talk to him it was the most amazing experience and I left there and thinking what was that you know what is that I have to learn more about this and and so that's how I found my my first my first mentor and with that Brady Ricky healing this incredible yeah I was it was amazing just on that then so you know how you're having these experiences and I know you went on when you had the poisoning you run the in your life and obviously with your dad is that something that you're in control of or is it something that you can maybe manifesto is it just completely random when it happens I mean now it doesn't happen as often %HESITATION but it's something I can control within myself you know I'm not walking around is leaving my body that's good to know no and I'm just on everything else that you see you said that was going to say how inspiring it is because I always find when somebody goes through so much trauma so much adversity but they only see the gift from it and have a completely different perspective like yourself we said you so blessed to have all these gifts yet you've gone through so much stuff almost that you have to sit back and think how does one person cope with so much adversity so you extremely inspiring with that and I wanna ask what's your secret for continually rising each time you're not down with something and I think so I don't know that I had a cigarette I do have a spiritual practice that I uphold too and I am constantly working on mice cells %HESITATION that they think it's just really reflecting on and my dad you know I mean we I do this in in in his honor really I do this for my children I do this for other people at cyber Cup myself so that I can work on others because I want people to know that no matter what you go to in right now %HESITATION there's always a light at the end of the tunnel and and you're gonna make it through that's hard absolutely and I'm I'm extremely glad that you kept your promise to dining you you did seek the help because you're now in a position of the way you can help so many more people which is which is fantastic so good on you and then the MDR defeat sounds interesting to gain I think we spoke about this offline and this is our really kind of for a selfish reason just got fascinated by your story because I've always been interested in the whole heating in the spirituality side I think the only difference to me and you is it Faisal my grandma are in the mirror out will things fun of the war I would absolutely crap myself I would be running out of the house in anything so %HESITATION again you touched on a very good point though because I was gonna ask you the question is you only become scared of things in life when people tell you that you may be sure to society says that and then also if I was a kid I mean thinking about now I lived in my aunties has pretty much all the time I was always around with my cousins and I'm sure there was some men where things happening in the house but it felt home to me where is not %HESITATION I'm a grown man on the left they ease and if I have to go and stay there by myself on the not a problem he turned it down %HESITATION from inside some round so hopefully she's not listening to get offended but isn't it isn't it funny how the how the world works but I just think it is a beautiful gift I have been told in the game correct me if I'm wrong that be your have this ability to soft top into this kind of is it that audio this intrusion not with another high level %HESITATION yes I believe we all have we I have that ability to tune in to to spirit to the divine %HESITATION to our guides week we all have that ability I think sometimes you know we do go through different different things in life where we're not taught that we are able to do that I think that might be a disservice to lots of children you know because children don't question things they they're not afraid of things you know it it was very natural and normal for me and to have those connections %HESITATION and sometimes you know the way you know different people have you know sort of religious beliefs or that that conditioning of the way they've been raised %HESITATION wherever they are in the world and so sometimes you know that'll start kind of diminishing does start a connections because then we think what is Israel is this wrong %HESITATION should I be afraid you know but I think you know even with my own children %HESITATION my son is extremely empathic %HESITATION my daughter she also is very connected as a matter of fact %HESITATION after my father transition and ours was about three or four she started connecting with him she would see him and speak to him and %HESITATION she would tell me what he would say and then all those those memories and my childhood I'm I'm having this connection started coming back because I thought this is exactly what I thought when I was her needs %HESITATION yes so yeah all children we all do now we I have we all have the ability to connect with our loved ones %HESITATION have transitions and yeah I definitely believe that I think you hit the nail on the head that children are predicting that the fact that they remain curious and the Phyllis so I kind of wish Buell kept up a summer long life through Janie whether it's his old teachers or family we kind of really you stop and we start to be become afraid of things that maybe we shouldn't necessarily be afraid of them stop becoming curious because you're kind of pigeon holed ourselves into little pocket so surprised and it's a shame but I'm just I'm not then I just wanna ask something I'm playing devil's advocate here some people will probably think that the stuff that you and I believe in is a little bit ferry Talysh or something that doesn't exist for example so if we accept that there are people with their own beliefs which is absolutely fine but they've experienced the symbol of control missed yourself on the sexual abuse for example what would you recommend for somebody dealing with that pain at all they're all tentative is other than the whole spiritual healing is there anything that you could recommend perhaps again that the might not be in on some just asking as you can now looking back you know and there there's so many different healing modalities and there's so many different ways to go about healing you know energy healing as is only one of those things see now and %HESITATION I would say just find something that resonates with you whether that rare some people will feel very connected to to going to church and to praying %HESITATION meditation meditation was a huge %HESITATION practice for me that helped me on EMDR is is is something that you can go to a therapist for %HESITATION you know had no therapy there's so many different avenues %HESITATION and with the energy healing our rate your whatever it is that you choose to do %HESITATION that can really be a compliment to to lots of other things that you know it doesn't have to be one right of one modality you can pick and choose and and kind of find something that works for you but you know if I can say one thing on that %HESITATION I would say you know to stress the importance of of whatever type of healing that you signs whatever resonates with you that how important that is because and you know just I'm working on my cells and working on others %HESITATION I calm now now looking back I have learned that I come from a long line sort of abuse on both sides of the family and sexual abuse and and physical abuse and incest at an ancestral line but you know when you decide to step forward and and you'll those those things in in your %HESITATION in your life you're not only healing yourselves but you're healing your ancestral line and you're also healing for your children you know so that they don't have to carry that forward in their DNA and they don't have to go through the same things he went through so that's to me that's amazing and every time I see that and someone and I'm just so happy and excited for them because it it'll stop with you you know once you seek out that healing and that's an amazing thing to think I yeah absolutely because because it becomes a purpose be getting yourself which then obscene spies you right absolutely okay so touching on the final thing that I want to ask you which was about your business that you and your husband hadn't invested so much time and energy into which I sadly file during the recession what's the situation now what are you doing right this moment I will now looking back you know at the time you don't you don't kind of makes sense of things are happening %HESITATION but now looking back I don't think it was my journey it wasn't my past and so it didn't work out and I would have been tied to something that I did not live at the time I thought that this was money this is my passion I I was a hairdresser and so I did here and make up and %HESITATION %HESITATION I did a lot of weddings and so I opened up a bridal shop because that's a lot to weddings I'd love to be around happy time in people's lives and %HESITATION but now looking back on that was never really might have you know that was never really my journey %HESITATION in so how to have the business I wouldn't be doing what what I'm doing now I would have been able to spend that lasts six months with my dad definitely not because you know business of course as you know takes up so much time and energy and money and worry and stress so after after you know pretty much losing at all I mean we had it well that was that was a difficult time but on so my husband continue to work what you know he never he never quit his job %HESITATION and so I went on to just be leave work on healing my cells and I like I said I took training and what I do now which is freaky healing and and shortly after you know I really went into it because I was the one that needed the healing I never thought that I was going to use this to help other people right I definitely didn't think this was going to be what you call a business or anything of that sort %HESITATION diet I started really experiencing all those things I had experiencing experienced as a child so a lot of the mediums abilities came back and I noticed that every time I was you know practicing or working on someone %HESITATION I was connecting to someone on the other side %HESITATION and so that that led me and so what I do now mailing this incredible and I just want to pick up on a point that you said that you never went into it for yourself initially and you can never realized on the CD the wider impact I suppose you could have done and the funny thing is is a little bit about myself so ins I II has literally been my shadow for the majority of my life and when I started this podcast find your voice and when I first I do need about public speaking in just just trying to get out there and I joined Toastmasters and stuff a lot of it was just solely for myself it was to grow and right it was the kind of overcome the fears and I was going through this growth mindset thing thinking I'm not going to accept that in this very short amount of time I'm just going to be much like it for the rest of my life so I kind of threw myself out there and face my face but on the back end of that I realize the inspiration that is given to the people's all all will get her very run a message once in awhile from somebody saying every time you post even though you might for me for like a very mundane post because I pretty much do the same stuff every day it's saying you inspire me every day how you always just the high side your compass own and then I realize even in this podcast the power that we have in terms of one sharing I've learned abilities but then to try to overcome so that not really resonated with me because now I almost feel like the podcast especially is it's become a passion I'm just developed such an interest in a one of kind of mass three I want to become the best in the work I really want to spread messages like yourself and all them other fantastic guest out there in the votes of you'll don't shy away from our affairs and we just did she lived that charge %HESITATION being how children are like we spoke about earlier and just buffet listing curious about life yes I love that that's amazing I think you're amazing thank you blabla see that's your amazing and I just wanna ask actually just fun now knowing where you are you've come to find I believe your passion I yeah what's your daily routine like that so I pretty much do the same thing every day I get up pretty early I start my day by meditating so that something I don't ever deviate from I meditate %HESITATION and then I will journal a journal every morning and S. I'm reading a book which I tend to always read I'll read a couple of pizzas and then %HESITATION now this is a kind of kind of changes sometimes I go from going to the gym and sometimes and right now my habit is just I really like being outdoors so I start my day by either a walk or jog which really turns into kind of a shop full and I been listening to podcasts every single morning on my box so I need to do that and then I'll come back and work out and then I'm ready for my day %HESITATION but that's every single morning every single morning I did not this brilliant and within that you can see straight away there's a lot of self care and a lot of self love that goes into that so you kind of want any G. enormous revitalizing yourself before you kind of talk with the day which is right which is fantastic yeah and %HESITATION have you got any other hobbies other than what you do outside have you wreck and so I mean I love to read I have to spend time with family and friends I home school my children so that it pretty much takes up a lot and then you know of course in my clients and %HESITATION I don't know that their hobbies but there are things that I enjoyed doing and just being with my children really right now and and spending time with my husband excellent and I just wanna ask another question if I may Sir I have so many questions because a fascinating how you trying to spread your message in your because I believe you have a incredible story I believe you you can always help people in so many ways have you got like a you tube channel is not something in the part time or are you thinking about increasing Instagram I am thinking about open yeah so my Instagram spin %HESITATION I ate so this is kind of been a journey for me and it's it's it's been private for a very long time because %HESITATION met so where where I live and I think in general and there's been a lot of sort of back last when I started to take open up into more mediumship readings and %HESITATION to really do that some people are very strongly against not on so that was a little concerned when the fact that I do have children I didn't want that to affect them in any way %HESITATION but we've had we've had lots of moments are we talked about this and you know there's always going to be somebody that doesn't believe in what you do and doesn't like you so mostly right now all my workers just been word of mouth on there's a local magazine I've been fortunate enough here to write for eight and a couple interviews for that magazine %HESITATION and and I have my website and so that's basically but really it's just being out %HESITATION in my area a lot of clients sending more clients and say that it's been amazing but yeah thank goodness yeah I am going to start working on some more things %HESITATION I tend to procrastinate a little bit in that area out which I am I am working on that my husband gets a little irritated with me but yes I am opening up more and more slowly absolutely I gain is this approach this isn't it I mean our member initially so I come from a very academic background again I was always a shy kid yeah I would be doing the most random stuff in terms of our discredit you tube channel or I would just stop doing videos and it was almost read because people would say are you really that sorry but what they didn't see was that it would take me five hours to release a two minute you to video because on a on a three hundred the tents for and then the beautiful thing the allied with the channel was not I could manipulate it so much and cried with the is an all as an almost made myself if it and then somewhere along magenta realize actually that's not really the perception I want to be given a in fact let's just where my floors and we must because that you say guys this is kinda how I am I'm still working on it so I think definitely get you some case off I don't think instagrams a burning platform and I've spoken to a couple of them ladies you about you coming apart castle just offline actually and they have Instagram TV where they'll just do like minute videos or a couple of minutes video the day or maybe a week again oversee depends in you punch Cup but it really does give great value and slowly you can start to see the people who are engaged with the menu almost crate a community because as with myself I could say one messages somebody next %HESITATION could say the same message but the audience might resonate with them more than me or vice versa that makes sense I think yeah that makes perfect sense yeah and I think you're definitely get your orders and I just as you said something earlier I just want it was it was a call from Eric Thomas is a motivational speaker he says there's a group of people that need you more than you need to listen to the negative comments I love that I loved as a because in your back your mind you're worried about what these negative comments going to say but we really have to get people like yourself out there because like he says is a group of people that you need you I need this message so a ride takes on one of the truly I mean a tree down on a quite a hobby and I have a certain number of calls today and always just look at and it just kind of keeps me focused on my journey because if I listen to naysayers of people saying why are you doing this or don't you find it where that you'll try to put yourself on the Indians and almost kind of change and feel like it's my G. to kind of shape people's stories like I get to sit with you not for now and I learned so much from your adversity from you we stem from the way that you say I think that is an injustice if I don't share that with the road thank you for sharing that with me I love that yes yeah and that's something I've I've been I've been trying to work for a while now and again I think it kind of goes back to raise a child and you know I I I I receive a lot of negative comments and even now as an adult now %HESITATION I have tried to reach out to different areas %HESITATION and people have not been so nice that there which I totally understand and I'm fine with it but %HESITATION I I'm definitely working on that right you know we're out kind of a work in progress exactly exactly nobody has it figured out rule kind of just figuring it out as we go along yes it is about just finding your network because well I realize was again just on a quick tangent when I started my you tube channel my initial frustration was because my friends and family wasn't supporting it and then what I'm what I'm very quickly realize was that was not my audience that I needed to say yes that is such an amazing point yeah it is the only kit like eighteen months down the line so I know this resentment and all this kind of frustration and the prime into really realized hold and iron that's not who you need to be said doing so then I changed my focus and even I with this podcast my news feeds and the people in truck with a completely different to myself say twelve months ago because I need to be in a community where there are people who need healing there are people who just need the inspirational motivational somebody's contract vested not card trying to connect the dots if that makes sense and just make their life a little bit easier so yeah it's interesting I'm looking forward to your journey and hopefully you see a lot more fun to untested the next question as you probably know is going to be about investing on %HESITATION we've kind of touched on that very briefly at the beginning so by all means choose any type of investor that you've been through a lot that can be business for lady can be passed on or whatever okay but the main thing I want to know from this is just the lessons that you learned from it and what you can then take from that situation and move forward with a loud and I I think you know I've learned a lot through through the things I've gone through and I I think the main thing is that humans in general are so much stronger than I think we're even led to believe that we can take our stories on the trauma and the good points and all those things and just really use that to help other people and to let them know that they won't get through it as well %HESITATION but really I think it's just wow people are so strong and we don't even realize that what we're going through three those situations but how amazing we are your amazing and I think when people listen to this story people are gonna realize why we're even stronger so it's one thing thinking was strong and let me go straight face TV almost come out the other side and it's like that saying what doesn't kill you makes you stronger but when you have somebody else and this is why I love stories like yourself he's been through so much more and more and then so come out the other side and just has this radiant energy of just love and no resentment or any sort of a %HESITATION feeling it is very funny just shows your wives even more street that we can tap into thank yell and in this moment then why not what's your biggest fear %HESITATION something happening to my children and something happening to them and so I I do tend to be a little over protective with my children which I'm also working on that is that the home schooling as well no not so much no not so much the home schooling it's just I'm you know I'm very aware and people that are around my children at all times and %HESITATION yeah I am I am I am worried about something happening to my children I don't want them to have to go through the same thing that I that I experienced on so I would say that would be my biggest fear and that's very understandable thank you and next before we go into the from pie the show where I'm gonna put you through your paces I just want to ask for help %HESITATION in this moment is you'll inspiration you why for what you do what you do my children my children especially I wanted to see my my daughter because I want them to know that they can constantly reinvent themselves they they don't have to know all the answers you know by the time they're eighteen or nineteen at %HESITATION you know I want them to see that now I think all these different things I've done all these different things and I am still working on it so just do what makes you happy %HESITATION you know speak your truth I want them to know that so that's why I'm constantly and I am working on that because I want my daughter to you and my son of course but to speak your truth %HESITATION said they they are my why they are my inspiration for sure love this it should be for message and I think in a society where we're almost hypnotized with this poll of trying to fit in in trying to walk a set way trying to vice saying things and I'm just conform to I suppose what to site once she's very difficult to be ourselves right it would be beautiful to see more people really just trying to really embrace who who they are Hey at each stage of your life you know you don't you don't have to have all the answers yeah absolutely I'm still trying to figure one answer right that's correct but yeah we'll get that and so we are actually not what the form part of the show and this is kind of the show the pa the show sorry where I would just ask you the most random questions for sixty to ninety seconds we're gonna start in three two one if you could abolish one thing in the road what would it be %HESITATION crimes against children your favorite hobby reading your biggest role model my cat what would you like to be remembered for my your biggest goal this year to get out in a %HESITATION some heartfelt snacks and new people and and just really connect with others your west mistake my first marriage no if you could relive one day again what they would it be any day with my dad the ability to fly or be visible fly the number one thing that annoys you liars money or fame many your proudest moment giving birth to my children your favorite food would you rather speak more languages we'll be able to speak to animals I feel like I can speak to animals so I mean if you go with all languages if you had an extra hour day how would you spend any time with my children sixty two your favorite TV show ever I merely lab and I still really laugh the old classics like my legs on show I love those because they would you rather know how you would die or when you were done house and finally what is one question that you wish I had asked you covered at all and does this is amazing well bless you so that was nice and the next question when asked just before we move on to the final question is about reflection and the call I'm a firm believer that hindsight is a wonderful thing because obviously upon reflection we can always think of ways to get to places quicker easy how would less heartache what I want to know is if you could go about knowing everything that you know not too young and healthy maybe during your early years between the ages of eight to ten %HESITATION whatever agent was and you can just whisper something in the air knowing exactly what you know now what would it be %HESITATION I think in regards to the abuse that I suffered I would say it's not your fault this isn't your fault none of this is your fault %HESITATION that would be huge and did you believe it was your full at that at that particular time I thought I did something wrong definitely I thought I thought it was something I did wrong and I and I believe that for a long time you know so yeah I would definitely say that thanks for sharing if I may just ask on that was it was it difficult for you to come out and let your family know about it I mean how did the how did that let's change the fuck on %HESITATION so that was a totally different you know that's a whole story in itself but I'm like I mentioned my best friend who invited me to the meditation circle we were friends in middle school so I think by this time I'm eleven or twelve years old I don't know but I was just going to such a difficult time and like I said I was in so much physical pain %HESITATION that I opened up to her and I mean she was you know another child basically and and so she went to the school counselor and so the school counselor called me in and then called me parents and and so that's how it came now but by this time it was already you know seven years and but there was a lot of threats being named by this person so I was afraid yeah I was trying to ruin the family I was afraid I was going to get hurt to think he was going to hurt my appearance on I was afraid of not being believes %HESITATION and then at some point you know do you it's so common that in a way you accept it which is a strange concept but it just becomes your life and you don't know any difference at that point so excited even out I don't think that that you know at the earlier stages I didn't know was an option to to to speak out about and say Hey this is happening and this is %HESITATION county what should we do right I I literally had no idea and because it was so it was so common and it happened so many times that it just became my life who's thank you for sharing the thing yeah and just finally then so this is actually the last question I always love trust my guess and it's about let okay so if in a hundred fifty years time signs vows to save his soul and all that exists is a book and this book has everything that you've done in your life for the weight and wonderful things firstly what with the title of the book be and second what the Blair but the back tell us about coffee I think I would want the titled Sabine never alone and and I think I'd want it to really express that you know I was a compassionate he's sick kinds of person %HESITATION but I think I would want it soon you need expressed the fact is that I would want others to know that we all have this in our guidance and this and make healing power with an S. on that even you know in those darkest moments when we feel alone that we are able to tap into that in tune into that and that we are definitely more powerful than we hi to believe %HESITATION but I'd really want people to know that %HESITATION that they have this amazing ability inside them they will be much more courageous if we knew how strong we could truly be so that's right absolutely and Kathy suddenly dies obviously the end of that the questions but I want to give this I want to give you an opportunity and we get to guess an opportunity to obviously connect is also what's the best place that the list is can reach out to you and so I have a website it's Kathy Courtney dot net and I am on Instagram Kathy Courtney seven %HESITATION but definitely there my website if someone had any questions or you've definitely reach me on their phone testing and also to the website that I mentioned anyway I actually read your story and he and he was fascinated I'm so glad that I did read that story I did reach out pain because here I am myself too I mean this is been absolute pleasure energy as everyone listening to follow Kathy again if you go on even now with Instagram page we are following you %HESITATION you'll messages even in your captions and stuff is always in a message there but our I'm looking forward to you really coming out of your shower metes Stein T. share your life because this this conversation has been really enlightening for me I really do appreciate you sharing your vulnerabilities as well also thank you for taking time out of your day today and I want to also thank the leases well thank you for listening thank you so much I really appreciate you and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Understanding your pain and why you should meditate #31

Mon, 22 Jul 2019 04:55:47 GMT

"Follow your heart" by Lara Waldman #31

Tagline: "Trust in yourself, trust in your heart & trust your inner knowing."

An abundance activator, a manifestation expert, a healer and author, Lara Waldman speaks of the importance of slowing down. Knowing that we never truly arrive at our destination and having suffered with trauma growing up due to her mother leaving, she has had to learn about balancing her spiritual, mental, emotional and physical well-being.

Lara explains the areas in our lives that we may struggle in and need to acknowledge. She also speaks about finding the purpose of our pain and seeing this as a gift. She explains the importance of understanding your mind and ego and finding the real true goals you need to achieve to become more successful.

Some key discussion points:

The importance of meditation
Finding balance spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically
Finding the gift in the purpose of our pain
Understanding true priorities
Achieving true success

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Links to Lara:

Instagram: https://instagram.com/larawaldmanofficial?igshid=4w8xra325wgd

Website: https://larawaldman.com/about-2/

YouTube: https://youtu.be/p9JRdXTiE_4

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abundanceactivator

Pippa Transcript:

welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning into another episode of fine your voice my name is iron and as always I am the host of the show today I am delighted to be up to bring to you Lara Waldman he is a well known and but does activate now in case anyone is familiar with those times it would all be explained in this episode he's been a coach now for many years she's been here for fifteen years she's a or that she's a manifestation express this lady's fascinate but more importantly she gives us tangible takeaways in this episode that we can really start to take away a start to change our lives today now this also became a bit of a counseling session for myself right now a lot of areas in my life that's still needed growth is still needed me to really work on myself but again I'm here to show my oven abilities with yourselves this is Jenny this is about finding my own voice is about writing my own story and hopefully it helps you guys do the same he says some incredible things about how we call an escape past selves she also spoke of the importance of having a balance between you emotional spiritual and physical self and then she touched on something that I think we can all resonate with which is that we never truly arrive so we have all these goals will these designs of we will be happy when when is when do we ever truly arrive at the destination the chances are not because of this as you start to grow when you go through this process you can always change of visions your priorities and everything kind of either evolves grows %HESITATION sometimes it could even supposed diminish so it was a fascinating conversation she somebody who loves to talk and have deep meaningful conversations I love a lot myself we had a fascinating conversation is somebody I'm gonna be keeping in touch with offline as well I encourage or too far ahead Jenny on Instagram and also join us over on the Instagram page as well it is growing knack nicely and I do like to try and engage in order of our listeners and one of our guests so guys but not for the reduced let's get this interview on the way okay fantastic I'd like to start by welcoming lar to the show today and thanking him for taking time out of a day in sharing her story with the soldiers are how you doing today Hey it's really great to connect with you I actually love talking not really here today fantastic what talking is definitely a good stop because that's what we're gonna do a hopefully for the next hour and I want to know a little bit more about yourself Lara and I want to know a lot about your story and I'm sure the audience do as well so if you wouldn't mind could you kind of give us a bit about yourself your summary of what kind of I suppose brings you to where you are today well it's a sort of a long story I'm sorry I was born and raised in Vancouver Canada I now live in London England %HESITATION I had we had a really amazing upbringing on the outside everything looks perfect we wouldn't were sailing in the summer as skiing in Whistler and winters we had %HESITATION this what looked like really kind of perfect happy family and in some ways on the physical level everything was great but turns out things weren't so great underneath that %HESITATION when I was twelve my my god mother my mom's best friend committed suicide and this put a bomb into our family it basically expose everything that had been hit in our deny age covered up on the emotional level within our family unit so this really took my mom into a very very difficult and dark place and she ended up leaving when I was fourteen there was a lot of emotional on rest so we went from this kind of what seem obvious I was a child right but seems to picture perfect %HESITATION situation to it went went very dark and then it just it seems like everything just goes dark in my memory and my parents it was but I had to sell our home and there is a lot of %HESITATION unrest there's a lot of traumatic experiences in that time and I went into a really tough girl kind of big front I don't care self destruction am I really gently thought and care %HESITATION super strong but I'm also very armors and %HESITATION when I was but I think sixteen seventeen I was just exhausted all the time in which the doctor she said I think you have depression and I was like what I didn't think I'd depression number getting on the scales and I weighed way more than I'd ever waited always very slim person and this is a start then of my eating disorders so I basically just starve myself an exercise like crazy and and really within a very dark place of self hate and trying to be something or becomes something that I wasn't this went on for a long time but %HESITATION I would then went to university excesses were everyone did in my in my community went there route just felt really done everyone was partying and and I was just right down to the rowing team and I was up at five in the morning just like in the gym in the afternoon just focus focus push myself really hard but really low in retrospect and I don't know exactly the moment this happened but suddenly %HESITATION I think I went to this meditation classes had never tried my life it's kind of weird I didn't really understand it the RIAA ways %HESITATION this vision or this feeling came in to me and I had this vision where I saw myself speaking to an international audience as being interviewed and I was speaking about the fact that we as human beings we have the power to consciously create our life we are way more powerful than we realize and I don't know where this came from because this is not what I was really thinking about %HESITATION speaking about at the time it just came as decision so all I thought oh my gosh I'm so screen actress that is my purpose so I quit university and I followed I went to like to study lots acting as working in restaurants and a study as much as I could and then I got this next inspiration was to go to London England and go to theater school %HESITATION and be trained as a theatre actor so I I flew up over to London ended my relationship just following this sort of what I would call now my intuition of my inner guidance system but I didn't really know that's what it was time and it took me to to consider school to come to London and and my plan was to go to two years Sears school and then come back to Vancouver and start my very successful acting career but life different plans for me so I %HESITATION after you're being in England which is very again it was quite dark time it was quite I was very lonely and it was I was working really hard working full time studying full time but it was challenging time I then met my now husband I am twenty two at a time this guy was super peaceful super calm I was real love at first sight kind of experience and %HESITATION he meditated he meditated twice a day how god statistician bring so I have this sense that I needs to to meditate but I had really huge resistance to wonder forced myself I hated it the screen to my chair but I made myself sit for twenty minutes and I for some reason just knew I had to keep going at it so I sat with it and then after not very long when I saw it long enough eventually I would have these amazing feelings of peace and that I guess got me hooked wow that is amazing feeling and then not long after that something very strange happened to me where I was at my eyes closed and then out of nowhere I in my mind's eye I saw in front of my %HESITATION if front of me and I heard the sun flashing lights you are a healer and I heard in my ears as well and I it was I just remember collapsing on the bed and fled to tears and sobbed and sobbed because I knew I was going to be an actress in that moment and I knew that my whole life is about to change and I was so upset I was devastated are you said a remember saying okay universe I don't know what this is but you bring it to me I'm not looking for I was super pissed and very soon I stuff across the ceiling course and then I will I remember going on this course it was again I think I was really tapped into this inner guidance but I didn't really know if that's what it was but it was leading before something was pushing me for what I meant that first course the healing course and I just knew that this is my future and then I started to discover all of the stuff I've been struggling with physically had been struggling with health problems emotionally I've been struggling I just felt I had all the time also in my body and realize that there was a whole other world that I don't understand which is kind of emotional aspect in that entered energies as well all this drama I've been through I had no idea how much it affected me and then I really start this journey of healing and releasing on an emotional level in our minds level and my body and my I really start to heal this this physical health problems I've been experiencing emotional imbalances really started to shift and it was incredible and then I just I've been on that path for over twenty for twenty years now %HESITATION but but fast forward I ended up %HESITATION getting pregnant as twenty six which was a surprise but I again I knew this this was the right thing and I I have two beautiful daughters now and what happened was is then I I'd have to sort of big vision right is big vision to help the world speak to the world and then at this point my life I was stuck at home with two little kids which I love being a mom but we had no money we are really broke and I felt really for stocking frustrated really limited and then I started to %HESITATION in meditation is when I meditate I %HESITATION I developed or start to understand that I was getting messages I was getting what I call inner guidance or call channeling depending what you want to call and I started getting these messages but I had never occurred to me to to ask what money before so I started asking questions about money before that I've been working our health and healing emotional balance I was also you know really fashion is what happened to my mom like why did everything go so bad and so dark and so I really was super fascinated in the unconscious %HESITATION and how our unconscious self effects are current reality but I had never looked at money so then I started on this really big journey around understanding about money in my relationship with money and what is going on with that and what I realize is I'd actually because I grew up with money but light you know things didn't work you know the people weren't happy and so I rejected it I rejected that whole scene I rejected kind of the physical world you know of of like physical %HESITATION I guess physical successor physical objects because I saw that that wasn't really making people happy and then I was going into the heart and the soul and Kirk Hanson this is what makes people happy we can't be happy if we're not happy on the inside right but then this whole next for chapter of my life is about finding the balance between the spiritual emotional mental and physical but how we can how we can thrive and feel good in all areas of our lives because what I learned is if we're like I was at that point very spiritually rich in a mostly rich and I had all this powerful information on this kind of energy level but because but don't have any money meant we're really limited in the physical world also equally people can be very wealthy they can have physical money and wealth and physical things but be completely bankrupts emotionally spiritually and we're not happy unless we have some kind of balance in all areas of our life so now my thing is right ugh we create a life of abundance all in all areas of our lives because if one part of the system is broken if you're not gonna feel good you're not gonna feel a sense of success in the film and purpose so we're so there are quite a lot of areas that we need to take care of but this is what was so my work now is about really living abundance how can we live I create a life of true abundance which includes all areas of life we don't have to reject anything we don't have to reject money reject Leviton project health we can include all of this why are that sprint now what an incredible journey live so that resonated with me on on quite Hugh Scott let's see because office so you know how you you said you mentioned during situation %HESITATION with the address of the actress feeling you lot that's it what to do yeah not not so much in terms of dot now would you be an active rock I've had those moments in my life but I've never really understood him and sometimes a lot ha ha I just convince myself that's why should be doing but recently for some reason something keeps telling me I need to meditate now I look at my body and all I look after my health I try to I try to find bodies into the physical mental emotional and spiritual aspects of a of my life because I believe you need some sort of balance and I'm I'm glad that you touched on that as well but meditation is a something not the minute I'm not sure why I'm not doing it but I just thought it just kind of switch is me often think it I don't have to call a lot I'm so busy I like three jobs a day and all of it seven days a week of the tour really have time to you to meditate and it's funny because I was I think was watching Jay show he's he's he's fat is fascinating because it speaks about with them and I think he went on this most junior he mentions that if you had an extra hour day he'd meditate and I find it really ought but then also there's obviously some beauty it and you just mentioned it not so I went on we just ask you on that and maybe this is more of a kind of selfish personal question but I hope they listen the home you don't meditate might take some value from it could you recommend something for say somebody like myself he you kind of I suppose pushes out or their way one the importance of meditation %HESITATION you said you had this car euphoric feeling avoid when you went for it but what stuck the face that sought is is easy just slapping on a you tube video and then maybe spend ten fifteen minutes doing that is is a good start over have you got any of this or practices that you could recommend yes so everyone's a little bit different %HESITATION I've you know coaches for lots of people in in trying to create some sort of practice where you want to stop and go within now the first thing I want to say this is great in terms of preventive medicine because stopping meditating will help to lower your stress levels lower anxieties so it's really really good on lots and lots of levels but some people really struck like myself I really struck I really had to force myself to stop so what I would say is one of the reasons why I find it's hard to stop is because we don't want to feel we don't want to feel ourselves we're not taught the value of being we're not taught the value of being in the present moment and we want to avoid the present only because status we'll have to feel our pain and we don't want to feel it but equally when we sit long enough that pain will transform it will shift and you'll start having feelings of peace of euphoria of connection it's a feeling of coming home and it's absolutely beautiful and I think once you start having that experience enough you get addicted to you start feeling good just like working out going to the gym first you know it's off when you have an exercise in the first %HESITATION pulling yourself out there but once you get into a rhythm you get addicted to it and then that it's not such hard work exactly the same what I would say is %HESITATION everyone's a little bit different I recommend starting with five minutes a day five minutes there than no minutes even two minutes is better than no minutes it's really as simple as sitting sitting in a way that's comfortable for you trying to have good posture is responsible and breathing I'm just focusing on your breath breathing in everything out within about two seconds your mind will start wondering you want to come back in this keep coming back to press connect the breath what what what happens is it gives your mind and your body a chance to filter out and process all the information triggers emotions that happened in your day or maybe your week and when you send it in your mind and your body needs time to filter through a process all of the information so it can take sometimes up to twenty minutes to find feelings of peace if you're really triggered emotionally upset it could take half an hour but five minutes is better than no minutes you'll feel a little bit calmer yeah if you just sit and breathe is so simple and is actually free but there's lots of I have I have some guided healing meditations on you too %HESITATION there's lots of %HESITATION the guided meditation sometimes book it helps you to listen to something but you can also do walking meditation so you can go out in nature and just you know listen to anything this breed bring bring yourself in the moment some people find it hard to sit still you could move you could do kind of like dancing sort of meditation you can bring it's just %HESITATION bring yourself into the present moment okay and and again there's lots and lots of benefits to it on on motional mental and physical level as well that's really interesting so one of the things I have done and thank you for sharing all of that is start to read a lot about solitude in just trying to be by myself %HESITATION and always you Steve I suppose struggle to you and maybe this is pop minds ought you to be alone so even go to a shopping center by myself or sitting in a coffee shop on myself and always fit I need to somebody else that someone I am going to the card have Ginni of just being okay by myself and I was very fortunate to have just travel to Miami with the wife and the full hour day started and we went on ventures are always wake up an hour early and I just go for a walk on occasion you put music on and just being in that moment I suppose it's easier when your out of your apartment so right now I'm sitting on hold where are where can where I live but just being in a completely different environment I did fail more peaceful so I can definitely for the thing is I know you're right I know how I know there's an advantage from it because the same with exercise always say fuck about let the feeling not like after doing exercise and send it in the shops no it's %HESITATION it's almost at the best I'm too depressed in the road so it's something that I you definitely H. anyone listening to yes this will start to minutes SO star five minutes I'll try and be accountable myself or try to post this the more the pages on this I think it is something that we will need to do and just on that if I may ask them to do you believe I'm paid above devil's advocate here don't be kinda chief violence in old areas talking physical mental emotional and spiritual or is there going to be and that's that would be maybe to accept that so maybe is going to be maybe more in June than the others good question this is my work in progress every day so I believe that %HESITATION balance isn't isn't a solid fix thing it's a constantly moving things like the weather at like the tides %HESITATION like like nature it's moving and flowing all the time the balance is there isn't one one flat line of balance bar this is again why for me this meditation is is great foundation because we need to be really listening and tuning in and being connected to our life so if there is an area where you're struggling or there is an area that is difficult it's like the universe our life is screaming at you saying this needs your attention so this is what I call the purpose of your pain is that the pain or pain in our struggle or sign post something needs our attention so it's there's always going to be challenged there's always going to be things that stretch you or challenge you bought what I like to do is if we can use those challenges consciously what we discover is there's gold in the pain there's gold in there but the it the pick the pain or the challenge or the difficulty is showing that there's something is out of balance so we we need it's it's it's work it's hard work it's not like it's not easy and anyone who you know I'm I'm I'm married I've got kids that run a business you know got a dog home there is there is lots of areas of life that need our attention so it is a false and time job but what I find is if we're listening and we're slowing and were surrendering to the moment as well getting out of the ego getting at the mine there is a flow there is a place of flow there is a current dot is was going to help you to feel in flown in harmony with your life so and I called that balance but it's she got that current is changing all the time so we have to be listening we have to be tuning in and what I've realized is that %HESITATION life is here to support us but we have to work with it which means we have to slow down enough to listen to pay attention and so it's it's not an easy it's not straight for answer but it it's a practice and I've been developing this over the last twenty years and I'm still like a constant student with all of this as well as being a teacher this and so it is is is is is just like anything whether it's like exercise or gardening or I'm keeping your house tidy it needs are constant tension nothing that makes perfect sense and I suppose once we %HESITATION in myself included going not Janie of really trying to listen to bean not mobile like you said surrender surrendering I think it definitely help low so thankful that you mention it is hard work because sometimes seven those expectations I mean all I do this from a physical standpoint in my past %HESITATION trying to cram where people want a very quick fix now where site or its not okay how many jobs in six minutes let your not many ads in six minutes and you could you could let you sit there for twenty four hours into crunches or not you're not gonna get ABS because it's so many of the faucets to health and fitness in order to get your body fat low in it in order that stuff so yeah one of the first things I would say went but I used to with the clients more on a one to one basis was before we start I need a hundred percent commitment of it not every day's gonna be great not every day is going to be how you think it's going to be but you have to put in the work so yes I suppose it probably he's just the element of myself so my subconscious the pointed often thinking this is going to be another thing to do and I'm not suppose I'm guilty of thinking it's a waste of time so I I feel like I'm in this part of my life where I need to achieve all these goals I'm neglecting probably one of the most important things like myself and I really need to maybe sit back a little bit so thank you for that you're welcome and it the thing that you search realizes whatever you're doing whatever your goals whatever you're creating you are at the center of it you are the center point of all of everything your experiences and actually when we slow down we realize a lot of the stuff that we think we're supposed to be doing this %HESITATION much mental noise there's so many distractions and actually when after I don't start my day I don't start anything until I am aligned and connected because what I realized as soon as I drop in and on my whole yeah all that on my to do list I can see if scrap barn all that stuff I thought I had to do all the pressure from the mind you know a lot of it is just noise and when we drop in and we can get really clear what is the most important thing what's going to really transform my life where my where are my true priorities because the mind in the ego can create mountains out of mole hills I'm so this kind of practice let's just call it is stopping calming down a little bit is it it it puts everything into perspective it actually makes you more successful so all I see is a is a is a foundation to success if that helps motivate you absolutely absolutely you're gonna see my on what to do some video just for kind of Billy I will let you take the advice on board so thank you for that and just actually on being aligned to connected like you just mentioned there what is your daily routine like that well that I sometimes see people saw how I live my life they'd probably be laughing at me I ice I spend a lot of time doing self care now so what happened for me was I was a super like Dr driver I was I worked out really hard I push myself really hard I was like go go go really fiery focus determine what started happening to me I'm in my early twenties with every time I went to exercise those really big and health and fitness I would get stargazer sick and it was so frustrating for I cannot tell you and that's all also the time I started meditating base my whole body was that you have to slow right down this whole pushing forcing thing is not working for you so I really learned this the hard way I I thought this whole thing kicking and screaming so this is what what I'm gonna tell you that I do now is like a twenty year like honing practice because that having babies at how does that slowed me down the holes all of life taught me how to slow right down and what I started to learn was actually the more I took care of myself the more I was in kind of slow in harmony with my body the more successes start experiencing but it's what I call true success you know not like like really this experience of feeling abandoned so I %HESITATION well now my girls are a little bit older but first as you know getting up the kids and stuff I %HESITATION walk my dog so get out in nature %HESITATION being out in nature is really really important to me I live in London so it's even more important get out in nature somewhere as a bomb in the park %HESITATION I move my body so movement and that can look in all sorts of ways but right at the moment it's walking I might do a little stretching %HESITATION I goose also in in and out phases of things like I've done a lot of yoga in the past %HESITATION sometimes go for a run with my dog but it's basically about moving the body getting the bug blood pumping and stretching so getting comfortable and food in my physical body I will come home and %HESITATION I tend to meditate in some form or another %HESITATION generous sitting sometimes I'd lie on the floor in just three days and I'm waiting for looking for this moment where I feel balance nor should alignment so if my mind is in rushing in thinking if I'm not feeling good which are I sometimes don't wake up feeling good I'm doing my prices and I till I feel that click of alignment balance and that kind of off the area is this feeling of being back in myself and my center so I spent the morning I'm finding that place of alignment moving really is essential for me and then breathing meditating %HESITATION I journal sometimes %HESITATION so %HESITATION and basically what I'm looking for that place is connecting brought to our what I call my higher self my inner guidance system which is this place that that yes feeling inside of me %HESITATION in so some to an obviously every day is a little bit different some days I have more time than others but I I create my diary my schedule so that I have a good chunk of time in the morning to do that then I get on with my day and you know having been a wonderful experience connecting with amazing people if we're doing now and then at some point in the afternoon I might notice that my energy might drop again so when I start to feel tired or stressed or overwhelmed out of flow I know that I need to stop so I will you if you were walking to my husband if I'm lying on the floor %HESITATION and I or I line the something I lie down and I read it again until I find the alignment and sometimes my boys is that you know what this is you just need to stop this idea of like Monday to Friday nine to fiver for me is not in harmony with my body and so I have burst of energy and when I have a drop in energy I know okay I need to stop if I if I'm able to so I tried to design my day and my schedule around my energy peaks and my energy tips so I I plan on my creative stuff and all that kind of action I need to live with his writing or the interviews work with clients on more my energy peak and then I'll try and clear my diary for when I have my drops on a walk my dog again Socorro nature again because he does the walking twice a day but I also I need walking towards the day so I'll get back in into sun harmony I'm I'm also in connection is really really important to me as well so every day you'll find me having some kind of deep conversation with somebody who anyone who talk to me about %HESITATION yeah I'd like to have really deep honest authentic but share conversations and that can be about the hard stuff and the wonderful staff I'll be doing that every day as well because that fuels me energizes me and I try and eat really well so I I again without think judging are hard on myself I try and really listen to my body what is a want to eat what is it want to drink and trying to really listen and %HESITATION and put things into my body also nursed nourish me so as you can see this sort of a few different angles that I come from if I don't do that I don't feel good so for me I'm highly sensitive I realized I didn't know if it was super tough president care I am highly since I actually I think human beings are all highly sensitive we've just shut down disconnected so I've learned that I have to say I want to feel good and honest thrives and when I'm doing this practices every day I am in alignment I'm striving to feel good and then my creative energy is awesome okay ideas inspirations it will feed into my business if I'm not doing that I will feel down that I might feel anxious I might feel scared you know and it can take me into dark places so for me I have to do a lot of self care to stay in that space the balance so it is not it's just a thousand happened for me accidentally it's very conscious mindful and requires time absolutely %HESITATION I mean I just love that has so insurance have you all with yourself but I guess that comes on to you the kind of twenty years of experience yes but you've been doing nothing again a lot we to turn it into your wanted not because of so many things to do what I lease we we have all this noise telling us that we have so much to do so so seeing that we don't work with that way I can so I think once we can set the expectation that it is going to take time I don't suppose a bit like if I use the gym analogy self with myself in order for me to you for example increased lightweight sifted or other bit of muscle it would take me generally eighteen months but I've kind of got used to that because I've been doing it for eight nine years now I'm used to the process and I love the process and I I get a good feeling from it so I think as long as I can kind of transform that into this you know send you help and I just wanna touch on you mentioned you were highly sensitive so I can also unfair but my wonder Billy I'm probably one of the most emotional guys you'll probably be this yeah in terms of the fact that my wife calls me wifey well I would actually I mean I could watch expect that somebody goes through and I'm just in case I'm so happy for it and sometimes I don't even know who this person is and I'm just boring on the other side and right sometimes up I feel a bit I used to get embarrassed by a wide wide what I get so emotional or get like a frog in my throat like you know when you when you call me the words and my voice would drop in and one for dole straight away the %HESITATION over sensitive but could I just want to touch on another thing as well I think we're in a space especially on social media where the the grind to the whole so it's kind of like a cool thing to do our E. that's what twenty four hours a day I mean the first thing out of the committee to use you know what seven days a week a trial because many hours a day I don't really have time to stop and I've seen the examples of people doing that and then the TV may be among the tree as successful some financial gain but then the set of a failed exactly yeah and I think this is a really important lesson one not just for myself but for anyone out then I who's almost damaging themselves I in some in terms of that imbalance to just have it covered look back and see what true success is like you touched on it which I thought was view for the way you said that so thank you for that is really liked it and I I would say this and I said it before the start of this episode I feel so fortunate because I have this time with amazing guess let your software I'm just get it not one to one the best coaching the vote so great for me because it is sixty minutes and %HESITATION I really enjoyed hopefully the listeners will gain something from this is awesome thank you are for sharing or not I really do appreciate it US my greatest pleasure and and I and thanks for sharing your vulnerability to because you know men are just as sensitive as women this I you know I just think there's just so much so many lies that we've been souls and we just need to get back in connection with our self and understand how we are in night I didn't realize a sense of I was either I'm highly since it highly emotional %HESITATION and I realize it's a beautiful saying if we can flow with it you know it's when it gets out of balance it can be really destructive and really problematic but it's a gift but it's like learning how to use that gift because if you're really sensitive but not honoring your sensitivity it can be really destructive and that's what I learned and and I to be honest I've learned a lot of the stuff the hard way I'm if I start pushing or trying to create some is not and so it myself other get scarecrow like something that will happen is I think it slam dunked so I've I think dot and again like also I've achieved lots of things and I had all these goals and I thought that's what I wanted and then I got it and I felt empty I thought nothing so that's when I started getting really curious like right what what is actually doing here but we need to be all areas need nurturing but we have to remember like the core of it because this is what I learn also with exercising working out and like push myself to her with health I was like probably the healthiest like person you will ever meet but I wasn't mentally healthy so it was like no matter what I achieved was never good enough is never enough never enough and it's like feeding this hungry ghost and so what I started to realize is we have to get to the core of who we are so that whatever we're doing is gonna bring true fulfillment and that sometimes means you know slowing down because what whatever we think we want isn't necessarily what we truly want it might be a next step will not talk but it's often something deeper so as long as we're bringing in that death whatever we do will be nurturing but affirmed in for not really bringing in that kind of deeper part of ourselves nothing we do is going to bring a strip of film is just get next next next like an addict so this is why it's so important and then we can really thrive and we can really enjoy life because I think what's the point what's the point of being here for not enjoying this experience absolutely absurd I I I think I said the same thing in in a post this morning I was not even those fortunate huge live the longest life is still very short for them and we really need to put that into perspective a maybe I mean one of the purposes of the show is always like to talk about phase two which is what we're going to next because it's it's an adverse T. where I suppose if I cook for a few weeks but we think okay life is short let me let me thank all the people who have helped me let me show love to those close to me and it may just be great for the moment but then all of a sudden two three weeks pass and then you kind of back into the rat race and you'll get to routine you forget everything so I am very blessed because this part because as almost made me be grateful six six days a week was before grad she was never part of my daily routine so say the center helps me so yeah this fantastic point and if we do move over to the best of it and you spoke briefly about deep connection a conversation let's talk about the hard stuff if you wouldn't mind let's let's get you renewed shows refueled eyes you stay if I'd like to know a time of just a time when you face grade fifty and more importantly how you persevere through and the less is that it for you if you could share that with myself and this is I think a big great value so obviously life I you know I'm one forty one now so I've had lots of you know knocks and challenges of little mini ones but I feel I feel the core thing maybe this is maybe is getting too deep I don't know but the core thing for me this run through everything was what I would say with the trauma from my childhood and that no matter what I've done his name like I can't you can't escape yourself so what I realize a lot of my goals in my dreams when I've been pushing towards is actually been in a way to trying to skate this trauma trying to skate this pain and I realize that there's no escaping ourselves so in a way what what I realize is that all of my goals an element of trying to expand beyond you know trying to two almost to create a New World for myself and every time I try to kind of grown expands and I felt like I kept running slammed back down again and again and again and what I realize is because I had to get right down to the deep core of myself my trauma my pain and go in and transform it from like the inside out in order to truly like to truly expand into a desire I'm so it's not one thing it's many many things but there is this fundamental core wound within myself which came you know you know and and lesser it's not her fault but cut comes from this relationship with my mom and because of you know her pain and trauma both my parents again trauma which almost everyone does what human being has an experience pain trauma what I call ancestral trauma trauma that gets passed down from generation to generation to generation and so what I experienced was this feeling of like because of my parents trauma I didn't feel loved I didn't feel like who I was was it knowledge or values out a good enough so I felt bad I felt like I'm a bad person something about me is bad something about me is disgusting something about me as a wrong and I've been on this kind of missions trying grow out of this feeling feeling bad a not good enough and I didn't know that that's what was running me consciously when I was younger but now I can see that's what it was and it wasn't because you know my parents did anything wrong it's just that because of their stuff they couldn't really give me the kind of love and support and nurturing that I needed so I felt kind of abandoned neglected emotionally speaking spiritually speaking and it's so so the only time I fell all right was one of the cheating in sport because I was really good at sport and then I'd get could us then I'd get maybe comfort I I I yes so it was so I feel for me like this journey last twenty years has been about really finally learning how to love and take care of like really value who I am last four and see who I am I know the actually there's nothing wrong with me on the deepest level of my being but it's been a really long journey to really get that because you can know something intellectually conceptually but it's about really knowing it deep within yourself that who I am as okay now and so this is been obviously and might as a healer us I've been trying to give the out to everybody else I was like I'm gonna give it to you and get you and help you feel okay and I'm gonna see you and love you and witness you but I wasn't really doing it for myself so this has been my biggest thing and then finally like obviously it's a work in progress right it's not like you land what I've learned about life is there's no you never Rive never arrive to the space where I know I was trying to rob us to find you know finally when I get there then I'll be okay then everything will be fine and that I realize now living you know like forty plus years now my yeah there's no arriving there is no end point there is you know you when you reach your goal may do the they'll be another one so for me it's been realizing that like fundamentally I'm okay %HESITATION and really knowing kind it's almost like the parts of me that I thought were bad I actually realized my guess and the thought this the president about America she was really good about me they just weren't hello they were acknowledged they were witnessed so they just went into the underground the underworld of the shadow and so I would say like for me this is been my biggest thing to overcome and I'm still working with that %HESITATION but I feel like there's been some really fundamental shifts and now it just changes the way that I do everything it changes the way that I move through life in a way that I create my business the way that I show up %HESITATION so rather than trying to think before I was like running into chase someone was chasing something in chasing a gone chasing a dream but I I kept on being slammed back and was like what is this why is it so hard because you can we cannot we have to move forward with all all of us no we had we life will not let us leave any part of us behind so is so this I would say I I hope that makes some sort of sense with your question but for me that's my biggest my biggest thing and I know I'm really really passionate now about the Buck stops with me like I do not want to pass on this and so what I would conceptualization my kids to future generations I want to shift is D. with these deep wounds is steep paying the state census of separation and abuse so much abuse that's been going that goes on everywhere and I really my big passion is like if I can stop that within myself and I can support other people's like just to transform a few people's lives DOT skin it then recall out into future generations and that that is my big passion I do what I do I'm like this is not going further the LAR las that's probably one of the most interesting responses about you have a head to this question it's %HESITATION it's fascinating and as you were saying that I was visiting so much with that I think your children on a fantastic place because the grandmother was so much where to send your gonna bring them so much more of the stuff that maybe you didn't have to know for your own of your parents and I think that they'll be blessed to obviously have your wisdom around that and there was one other thing you said which was you called escape yourself and I just saw this fantastic actually made that bold on my page here because we have to you well I selves faced you know this is the purpose of the show because for twenty four hours a day every single day until our last day but with ourselves so we can help we can love our parents because of our kids because of us prices as much as possible but when they're not there is just is just out of the woods yeah even myself when I struggle I have friends I can confide in but then double my friendly's my side %HESITATION my wife is my site it's just me and unless I'm not fixing myself and realizing because you again into the point you said we're not broken we just I suppose we just rebuilding Justin about strong enough I'm always trying to cut it so I thought that was one of the the one I keep were the best senses anyone's ever given me because it's something I can relate to I think it is definitely deep in us I think sometimes we need to look a little bit deeper robin just hit a generic stuff so I really appreciate you sharing that if I may off the back of that just ask you something a little bit personal please feel free to say you don't answer that's absolutely fine but you mentioned your mom again and that's probably where the trial the stock from with your childhood have you truly forgiven your ball but do you still hold any resentment towards a I have truly forgiven my mom %HESITATION I still I think with me I long for true authentic connection which means that whoever is in communication the also needs to be able to be authentic and I think it's really hard for some people to be that self honest because to be honest with yourself you have to feel everything and you know it's a generational thing their generation is just not equipped to feel on that level so I also have to for me it's not accepting just acceptance of yeah here she is and where she's in honoring her past and her journey and it's different very different from mine so for me it's been about acceptance forget forgiveness is part of it but it was about it it was about acceptance and like I was trying sometimes my mission to heal in transforming changes meant that I haven't you know accepted I heard the situation how it how it is and I because I wanted things to be better and I can see it could be better could be better you know this call is pushed pushing again I'm and partly that's good that's good for a person who really wants to grow and evolve but for someone who's just like I just want to be me in this moment %HESITATION so that's been one of my biggest learnings particular relations my mom is just like this that letter be more women yeah but I'm on a very different mission %HESITATION so so yes I would say it for you absolutely forgiveness is there but now my practice is just really acceptance of Santos the north and I think that's a great lesson for anyone listed is that not everybody will have the same dreams goals aspirations or the desire to grow hi yes I. freezes you are and myself and it was very frustrating for me when I have family members and friends who I want to see do just as well as minnows that come along with the security of light south developments operation nine out of ten of a lot actually I'm just fine where I am and I could never understand and used to frustrate me I'm almost to the point where you're trying to get into the head and understand their logic and not in itself would drive you crazy and yeah I did find just accepting the way that they are because of their own belief system and just whatever they desire was just so much easier for myself and then on though let's just work on myself and maybe one day I can inspire them to maybe think Hey I want the couple cool just trying to enhance my life because I suppose sometimes I'll say and I think ignorance is bliss like before I went on the self development JD lysosomal simply was that's what Monday to Friday and let's get drunk on a Friday night cover the Senate and about to break where is now but body myself on all these layers of my life but at the same time I truly enjoy like I I love what I do I love the whole landing on the government so much in just this last fifty minutes for yourself that note notebook would really give me because it's just been a an authentic people conversation so I want people to kind of fill how long feeding now but again like you said something he stopped except not everyone's may be ready for it in this metallic time yeah so yeah I'm and I would ask you another question and if I if I may and this one is you're in well I would consider not a very good place or at least in a place where you can kind of rely on yourself and maybe make yourself more violence but I want to ask you what's your biggest fear right now in this moment sure it's interesting I think one of my biggest fear is being alone and I mean suffering I I think having like a painful death is also something that scares me I don't mind dying I'm at peace the dying I just don't want pain %HESITATION but being being alone so I realize that connection really deep heart center doesn't the connection fuels me deeply so yeah I think being being totally alone is my answer to that one and and that's being alone from I'm assuming people not in terms of your practice of started chewed or anything like that no because I need that now and I I've I realize that but I I I used to hate I used to run a mile from being alone in anyway and yeah me too big being alone lead you know see because you can be around people and you can there can be a business you can still feel alone yeah at a lonely and that that is something that I've experienced a lot in my life and the I've realized because I need to sort of do get exam to feel to feel yet to see a connection with people %HESITATION so yeah I think being loaned me is probably %HESITATION yes the idea of like a sometimes a sinking gosh if I get old you know no no friends so there's no family and I'm all alone you know that I think is one of the worst things a nice I there's so many people that feel so alone in this world was so many billions of people in it kind of breaks my heart so I feel like I'm also kind of is my fear and then also motivates me to do something about that like how can we shift this alone academic that seems to be on this plan of so many people so so I take my fears and then on the rights what can we do you know that it inspires me to take action and do something I think you touched or someone at a program for you which is low enough so in my last life as a social worker I became aware of the statistics of people suffering and I went in the auto sector and the amount of I does who you I would go visit for Caro just to see how they're doing I was heart breaking with the had no family or friends and and it really did make me feel grateful for this the simple things the ability to just pick up the phone and have a conversation with someone because loneliness is it so it is side it's horrible and I don't wish on anyone and it is actually something that hopefully I can announce to the next maybe years so I'm trying to do more for mental health is trying to create a social enterprise where they're gonna with the money that we raise from the business we're gonna donated to open like day centers and night centers for people who are struggling in isolation %HESITATION just to kind of give a a safe haven where there's no stigma attached to suffer with a mental health to come into a safe place and not be alone basically because through my experience I believe it was a movement often have an informative folk with quite a few people there would say the one thing that they'd want is just someone to talk to without without the fear of judgment and just not be that long because I think they feel like they are unknown and they stroking had swiped like I said with this show is to show people that your problem is an exclusive to you there are diss identifica will connect and we just try to support each other we can hopefully %HESITATION have a have a have a happier life basically all that so beautiful absolutely and and what I've learned because I'm so I've you know supported many many people now over the years is that if you're struggling with something there there is someone else who's struggling the same thing like we're not alone and this is the things also I feel passionate speaking openly authentically to help other people realize you're not the only ones struggling you know yeah and so I think it's beautiful I love your vision thank you thank you we are not you are they going to going to the faux pas the shows are you ready yes okay three two one if you could abolish one thing in the world what would it be poverty your favorite beer I TA your biggest role model Oprah Winfrey what would you like to be remembered for love your biggest goal this year Christian because because this year to find where we want to let you waste mistake not appreciating every moment of my girls and they were little if you could relive one day again what they would it be when my girls are for like two and five when they're little day whenever that all the ability to fly it will be visible fly the number one thing that I'm doing easy dishonesty money or fame money your proudest moment giving birth to my girls your favorite food Indian would you rather speak four languages we'll be able to speak to animals I can speak to okay this is an old or languages eight yeah if you had an extra hour a day how would you spend it walking with my husband if you could sit with one person in the world for an hour he would it be dead or alive once the Oprah Winfrey we're at the end of the %HESITATION quick fire round how did you find that that was fun good stuff good stuff okay I'm really interested about the %HESITATION speaking with animals so of dust if your conversation for the day not as fascinated us of doctor do those stuff there so I always wanted to be a vet that was my I've always been obsessed with animals and loves loves them okay but it will almost certainly at the end of the show nine Lara so just a couple more questions if I may the next one is about reflection some of them believe that hindsight is a wonderful thing because I was the upon reflection weaker yen and think of ways to get to where we are currently quicker easier over less heartache but at the same time %HESITATION so guess the journey teaches us a lot as well it's always a real belief of mine that everything kind of happens for a reason so knowing exactly what you know now I with all your knowledge and we always them if you could go back to maybe younger Lara maybe when you were fourteen and your going through the the emotional trauma of the of your life and you can just whisper something in the younger Lars yeah what would you say I would say and I would tell her who she is so I would say that you are loved your very deeply loved you're beautiful person you got a beautiful heart you have a special you have special gifts and special sensitivity I would tell her all about the ways that she needs to be looked after nourish to feel okay %HESITATION it took me a long time to learn that and and talked about her lights and M. that she's fine Sir and energies and emotions really difficult and stressful and so I would just be telling her soothing loving things in her ear speak for us before I'm sure you probably say these kind of things not to do is you're going to just be such a bad emotional space front of which is %HESITATION which is fantastic and I suppose the lesson tortoises off I hope so yeah I'm sure you do great and that she does I believe this to the last question and the last question I always like trust my guess is about legacy so if in a hundred fifty years time science fails to save us and all that exists is a book and this book is about you and it tells us all the way in a wonderful things that you've done in life and everything up by you firstly what with the title of the book B. and second what the Blair about the back tell us about you the title would be follow your heart and it's interesting you know I think the things that I'd want to be your remember for as the kindness and love which is interesting right is it almost like I want this sort of essence be there but %HESITATION you know my my desires are you know touching touching millions of people's lives and %HESITATION making an impact inspiring people to trust in themselves trust in their heart dressed in their inner knowing %HESITATION and I hope to make the path easier for people so somehow that by me doing my part of my life Ives somehow clear that path a bit making a little bit easier to walk for future generations something along those lines nothing must be for this view for some reason I mean you definitely made my life easy just in this very brief conversation I'm excited to kind of funny you Jenny moving forward because you've got twenty years experience so for us to be able to just latch on to that and almost kinda get a bit of a head start and then go through the process with you it's fascinating I think calling this and love are two you know the most be for things that we we all should whether it's natural what do we have to learn it just just landed because it will it's going to be in such a better place and finally just on that and following your journey which I really want to encourage every person that listens to the show and all was said to be doing it myself is how can we follow you and how can we connect with you if that's okay with yourself while the best platforms well I love connecting I realized something that motivates me more than anything %HESITATION so I'm on you too if you put in Lara Waldman abundance activator %HESITATION I'm on Facebook if you can larva of an abundance activator I'm on Instagram Lara Waldman official and my website is Lara Waldman dot com and if you want to reach I've got a contact form on the website they're fantastic what I will do is pull or those with the actual links in the show notes so anyway listen to this episode it you just go to the show notes and click it directly and get in touch with you well obviously be promoted on ward aspects of social media are I just wanna say once again thank you so much for your time in order your knowledge that you've lasted so with today and I want to thank everyone at home thank you for listening thank you so much for having me it's been a great pleasure and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to deal with Trauma #30

Mon, 15 Jul 2019 04:55:19 GMT

"Everlasting touch" by Kimberly JoNell #30

Tagline: "Compassion, kindness, connection, empathy & love will carry throughout human civilization"

What an incredibly beautiful soul Kimberly JoNell is.

A woman who has faced her biggest fears, of losing her friend, both parents and her belongings to Hurricane Katrina. A lady who spends every waking hour serving others, with no expectation of receiving anything back. A graceful individual who focuses on making the world a better place for children, teenagers and all those who experience trauma to some level in their lives. I am forever grateful to have shared an hour with Kimberly as I genuinely believed I learnt so much from her story, her experience, her wisdom and knowledge. She is someone who has shown me I have yet so many further steps to travel. But she also showed me that I was right in what I was doing.

We must all live to and through our own purpose. We must become self-aware and recognise our own beauties and become in touch with ourselves so that we can then leave an everlasting touch to the rest of the world.

It was also the first time I have ever shown clips of the episode prior to launching because I have genuinely never felt such a connection with someone, whose message is so pure, authentic and sincere. I urge you all to support this amazing lady and follow her incredible journey on the links shown below.

Some key discussion points:

How to become more self-aware
The importance of self-love
Facing and overcoming adversity
Intent and sincerity
Living with energy and inspiration
Importance of being curious

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Podcast: https://anchor.fm/you-are-the-wealth-with-kimberly-jonell/episodes/Having-Less-Stuff-Can-Reduce-Anxiety-e4g359

Links to Kimberly

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jacksonk10

Twitter: https://twitter.com/YouAreTheWealth

Pippa Transcript:

welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning into another episode of find your voice my name is iron and as always I am the host of the show so today I am bringing you Kimberly JoNell somebody who who got me through the interview to state this was actually the greatest three minutes dot ever experience so far %HESITATION find your voice maybe that is because it's something that resonated with me somewhat more than maybe it will with yourselves but what I will say is that that three minutes completely changed the way that I see people in the way that I did not carry out my life and again this is why I'm not trying to move the show a little bit more towards because I'm very conscious that we can all get inspired and motivated by hearing all these stories of people overcoming adversity and going through the trials and tribulations but still remaining positive is still persevering but what I want to start to do not %HESITATION is trying to ask each of my guess a couple of tips a couple of things that we can take away so last week you had the incredible tale that give us the clay act message and that was fantastic and in fact what you've been doing that for the last two weeks and Kimberly crops are owner gets and these looks absolutely incredible and I would just want to say it once again my gratitude to committee for taking time out of a day I certainly learned so much and realize that this personal development Jedi dom on I have so much further to go pretty speedy forty six it's exciting and I'm really enjoying the process and hopefully you guys I've come along on the journey as well are enjoying it too so without further ado let's get this interview on the way okay so firstly I just wanna thank Kimberly for taking time out of a day to come when I show today and be quite enough to share his story as she's actually have podcaster herself a business owner a trauma specialist which is actually something I'm really interested to hear more about a community I reach and youth health educator SO very excited for this opportunity she's on the other side of the road actually so we are connected via Skype which is fantastic in this is kind of the thing that podcasting kind bring to the surface so before we begin can really how you doing today I'm awesome just excited to be here and and and opportunity to talk with you and the rest of your listeners thank you so much for taking the time and having me here today I appreciate it you're very welcome thank you too as well for taking time out your day so it's quite easy for me it's ten o'clock here in the U. K. and parties even a free use of bless you for having to deal with me rambling gone in the morning so %HESITATION I'm a morning person luckily for you saw my so hopefully this will be plain sailing I think it's going to be important for my listeners to get to know your story a little bit from yourself so if you wouldn't mind can belief you kind of just give us I suppose a summary of of your life some things of by you have basically what brings you here today thank you sure so %HESITATION I grew up in a small town outside of Cincinnati Ohio Colerain township and I both of my parents live in the household with me my dad was a truck driver my mother was a stay at home mom and essentially I had a pretty %HESITATION pretty interesting childhood I went back and forth between Louisiana during my summers and %HESITATION didn't really have a lot of extended family in the city where we lived only child so that definitely I provided a lot of insight for me growing up in terms of spending a lot of time alone and I think it has developed a lot within me where I'm pretty self to pay and then in terms of with my self awareness %HESITATION most of my childhood friends I'm still very close to now but there were a lot of experiences I had throughout my childhood and teenage years which brought a lot of curiosity for B. into the things that I'm interested in now %HESITATION I particularly had several relatives in my life who had special needs and the growing up in the nineteen eighties you really did not have a lot of explanation or information available as to what special needs wise what developmental delays wire and throughout my high school years I began to read up a lot more about it I had a cousin in particular that had autism %HESITATION and so I developed an interest in that and I eventually started studying speech pathology in college and I found out from that from that field that we work with individuals who have ox is M. we work with individuals who have other developmental delays that and then we will also serve children who have articulation delays language delays stuttering all of those different facets in childhood there's other rounds of speech pathology as well so part of my %HESITATION my background in that is from some of the early experiences in exposures I had with people who had a developmental delays or cognitive delays so that was sent that was of a big passion of mine early on %HESITATION I'm passionate about electronics and if anybody files my Instagram page they'll see that I'm usually into a lot of different things but %HESITATION I enjoy anything dealing with technology being here for forty years now I have observed so many revolutionary things that have been brought to the %HESITATION into the space with regards to technology advancements the internet %HESITATION and now we're involving %HESITATION evolving into a lot of other things in terms of digital currency %HESITATION I was just reading an article last night about a timeless vehicles so I'm just I'm just a very curious person to being only child I didn't really have a lot of friends early on and I spent a lot of time by myself so curiosity just drives me %HESITATION I'm incredibly grateful I I went through a lot of very difficult situations early on in life I'm I witnessed %HESITATION a violent incident in my early twenties which shaped a lot of things for me %HESITATION I had a very close friend of mine in my early twenties that was killed so that shaped a lot for me as well %HESITATION during my last year of college I'm last right before after graduation from college my family in Dort hurricane Katrina %HESITATION which was a mass of hurricane that impacted the Louisiana and Gulf coast area of the United States and throughout that process I lost everything I had because most of my things were in Louisiana at the time and I was living in a different state so I had the indoor loss %HESITATION several times throughout my life and then two years later both of my parents passed away unexpectedly so sorry to hear that %HESITATION well you know it it does those challenges are things that so many of us have to go through and %HESITATION and and back to that just with my parents that was a huge motivator for me as well in terms of getting into the mental health field at because I did have a lot of observation throughout my childhood with people in my family who struggle with mental health issues and at that time no one really gave it a label but you kind of just observe things that were happening around you and then also observing things that happen within myself as a teenager I struggled a lot with anxiety I struggle out was depression I think that was around the first time in my life and maybe around seventeen or eighteen when I really started to feel what depression felt like and %HESITATION so as I got older I really began to try to understand more about and it wasn't until after my parents passed away that I would there be and it really I mean I am a huge advocate for therapy for people now so that brought me into the mental health realm of where I am now with helping people in the community outreach with trauma and %HESITATION I've taken mindfulness training to try to assist people with that area of their life as well so I'm all over the place but I have many many passions and it it is what keeps me going and just being able to provide something of value to to to the world why what a story so you've definitely exceeded my expectations already in the so many things I actually own a car from that story so face the odds I just love your I chewed because for somebody who's in George so much loss not just only with your friend be a Paris which you know I I send my deepest condolences for %HESITATION you you have such a brilliant attitude that you are grateful for the difficult situations in your life and this is literally it's almost like if I had to think of a perfect guest to have a my show Kimberly you would be that guess because I want people to realize that the calls that would tell in life because we choose and sometimes it works sometimes it bad and it's about having to overcome the adversity and almost used adversity is a gift and you've you've taken on all these obstacles in your life and not what you're doing is you're saving others and you'll fulfilling yourself your happiness and I and I just loved about you that you you send for instance your cousin who's suffered with autism and you said I need to understand is a little bit better and you've dived into that topic and now you're trying to make a difference for people free speech pathology that you mentioned and I like that your all over the place I love that because for some people it's quite common for them to kind of thing that I need to be an expert in one field will kind of stick to one lane I love a lot yourself I am very chaotic my mind is all over the place I am into property on one side I mean to podcast into his by the board in one place I am also an advocate of children's as struggling so my younger brother has wound isn't as well and I was a social worker in my past life so there's a lot of things I can and resonate with you even with the depression my mom suffered a depression some trying to start a social enterprise to raise awareness so I wish I had more of me or more of you actually could you have so much more awareness to me that we could almost in the short amount of time that we have one in this bill would make such a positive difference and I mean even the hurricane Katrina that was big news over here in the U. K. is about that experience Dynegy spoken to somebody who's lived out means it's one thing seen on the television on and if you wouldn't mind because it's quite unique topic could you just maybe run through that area to what it was like in terms of how you're feeling and what you have to do I'll absolutely ads for me I moved actually I graduated from college in may of two thousand five I was attending a college in Louisiana New Orleans and I actually have an apartment in east New Orleans I received a job offer to move to Georgia and two weeks after I packed up my storage unit in just packed up probably a suitcase full of belongings intro to Atlanta Katrina hit all of my family and friends were still there the first thing I could think of in terms of just describe my my emotions was powerless I had a friend who was a nurse and %HESITATION one of the hospitals in the north the the uptown area of New Orleans she was trapped in the hole in the hospital %HESITATION I have family members who were trapped in the lower ninth ward I'm I remember being at work because I was working as a speech pathologist at the time I'm sitting in my office texting my friend who was a nurse in the hospital during apple after the hurricane that hit the levy said broke in the water it flooded the city her phone was literally the only phone on that floor her hospital they had no electricity no power I was texting her in telling her what was happening because they had no idea that the levy said broke they knew the hurricane hit they were out of power and she was in the hospital where a lot of people died because a lot of the hospital patients who did not have power for the the hospital equipment %HESITATION it was it was in a %HESITATION deal that I will never ever forget it taught me so much about just not taking things for granted I'm and also being okay with things being out of your control %HESITATION but but that particular situation with with Katrina let so much for me because I watch so many people lose so much more I lost physical possessions but I watched people that lost their whole community %HESITATION I had family members who lost neighbors who drowned one of my mother's childhood friends drowned in Katrina and she didn't find out until three months four months later %HESITATION his name popped up on the list and so %HESITATION that contribute to a lot of depression for her and she actually passed away two years after Katrina but the stress of that that situation and to watch even all these years later the posttraumatic stress that so many people in that city in in that region experienced and never still yet received support or have provided have been providing the type of %HESITATION mental health %HESITATION S. U. resources to help them with that you know I'm I'm very passion about trauma %HESITATION because it's something that is in the body the body you know there's a book out that I read about four five years ago called the body keeps the score and I think of that all the time with Katrina and terms or any natural disaster in the around the world when things are not provided for people to work through that trauma or when people are not educated on how trauma shows that up it impacts so much so for me that situation was it was a life changing for my entire family but for me to witness that %HESITATION for me to be in contact with people who are actually on the ground and did not have access to water or food in no idea what was happening it was it was literally just %HESITATION an out of out of body experience it really was the sun's up sees her flying and hope they listed as you have just heard that emotional story don't wait for %HESITATION catastrophe or disaster like hurricane Katrina to be grateful for the things that we do have fortunately I'd I have experience or the adversities are possible and want to hear from you he just makes me so much more grateful for the little things I have as well and even more so than already have you said something that was really powerful and it was being okay with the things being out of your control I know as simple as that sentence is I just feel that we will struggle with that yes and we'll have concerts you miss in the day and then I fix a motions on our behavior in the way we treat our friends and our families and it's something I'll definitely try to be more mindful of I think you to turn it previously it's about my furnace and the money keeps the school always is it's it's something not she heard about six months ago and it really makes sense to me and I've seen people who have been through trauma or who have been through hat similar to yourself and your body does take a toll because the physiology although we wanna see extending tenderly it's it's damage in a so I'm putting you on the spot here a little bit can be if you don't mind but no go ahead I can handle it customer you hundred much way so I could see myself should be fine but if you could just give say one tangible tape to somebody whether it is something as simple as just trying to be okay with things being out of your control just something of somebody experiences some level of adverse to a former in that moment what tip could you just help somebody with a tip that I can help someone with %HESITATION my biggest thing that with the teenagers that I work with is just self awareness %HESITATION body awareness of being more aware of what's going on inside of your body what he's feeling how how you breathing now what are you thinking of I %HESITATION I I truly believe that you know we it will manifest our thoughts and our body gives us feedback on everything that we transmit you know whether it's a verbal emotional energetic %HESITATION visual it's all we out process that we process it differently but to be just really self aware %HESITATION you know that is that is the most thing that I have learned in anger years of my life recently I haven't always been self aware maybe I have I did have a label for but just to be self aware yeah %HESITATION knowing yourself and and and being okay with that and then also but not not judging yourself in that in that same breath you know but just really knowing yourself and know having your boundaries %HESITATION being compassionate with yourself and we all have struggles we all have problems but not focusing on the problems as much I'm shifting your mindset that speak to that's that's a really big thing too but self awareness for me it is powerful it has worked at any age self awareness can be obtained it is not limited to you know in a certain stage of the journey that's a fantastic and so I need give us some gold information so thank you for the help and I hope it helps the land I really do it justice changed my life absolutely I think I'd so much value it one thing that I do try to do and as you said it reminded me to do it again was to be aware so I almost sat Lopez you were talking just to kind of control my breathing again proper breathing I then became self aware of my body so the sensation of my feet touching the floor in my hands resting on my thighs and little things that I think we go through life and we're almost so reactive that we we tend to forget all of that and then yeah something also so before which was not judging yourself and be compassionate with yourself and I'm probably hit the west for this because I will beat myself up over the most trivial things yet if my friends or my family what to do the same thing I would almost burned all run that showed a and sometimes I sing there I think what can I talk to myself the way that I took two of this and I think I would be living in a much better place I hope it makes no sense but I sometimes feel that we are our own worst enemies at times so I think the specified testing and we should all try to be calm and more self aware have you got any recommendations in terms of books %HESITATION courses Ole is it something that maybe you can offer the list this all my goodness there's so many books that I've read but again if there's one thing to read it but to actually and put it into practice and make it practical in your daily living %HESITATION at their at their %HESITATION I don't really know of any books that teach self awareness it it's something that that I have just more more psychology more psychology behind in anything I read a lot of self help books over the years but really understanding human behavior and psychology reading books about psychology has been tremendous for me I took psychology in college as a minor so I I had a lot of exposure to human development but now that I'm out of college I still continue to feed my brain with things to help me better understand sociology and psychology and and and human behavior I'm as I would like to say just searched anything was self awareness on the internet find people on social media who are interested in that look up hash tags about self awareness I talk about it a lot on my on my Instagram page %HESITATION I was I'm sorry go ahead no sorry I was just gonna say Kimberly or better yet follow you on your Instagram yes they yes I do I tap on it a lot in my on my my social media platform I really do because I don't think that people are a familiar with that term enough and %HESITATION again there they could somebody be eighty years old and not self aware it really is a way of being and so many people like you said %HESITATION are reactive we're just going to life to auto pilot if they're not really in tune with who they are and how they respond to the world and and being sent a lot of people have sensitivities %HESITATION anxiety is something that many people suffer with but anxiety is also triggered by a lot of sensitivity issues things in the environment you know some people are very sensitive to energy so it really makes a difference you know once you are aware of who you are and how you respond to your to life in the navigate from that space of level of understanding yourself this brilliant thank you thank you for sharing knowledge I think maybe this is more of an actual Jenny for this one they just simply picking up a book and hoping that's going to solve our problems I think it is definitely gonna require some level of daily work for this yes I'm using your own words here that you previously mentioned that you you kind of all over the place and in the things that you're doing could you kindly give us an insight into what a day in the life is like for you oh my goodness a day in the life will I wake up extremely early am I like to operate when the world where I am is still pretty quiet %HESITATION but I am constantly learning about different things %HESITATION I'm in I teach sex education that's what I do %HESITATION throughout the week %HESITATION with high school kids in the city where I live so I'm working on modules for the upcoming week I am going over questions that they ask a lot of them I give them a little box and I pass around the class I have a hundred and fifty kids this summer that according to my course date posted give questions to me anonymously and %HESITATION I'm not sure how it is there in London where you are but here in the United States sex education is not a U. eighty normalized curriculum or course in in public schools here and I'm really working on changing the conversation for that because we need it I see the feedback from the teens in the use here in the U. S. that they really want information they want %HESITATION information about how to protect themselves they want information about consent understanding that about %HESITATION this past week we did negotiation skills those are things life skills that will not of us ever ever really taught you know communication skills getting the foundation for that start early we both know communication skills are things that we have to evolve upon the route life but in the teenage years to have the opportunity to start learning communication skills and understanding with healthy and unhealthy relationships are and understand the carrot sticks of abusive relationships so I do that %HESITATION I still provide valuable insight to people who have children with special needs because that is still a passion of mine autism is still widely misunderstood autism is still very taboo and there are a lot of more holistic approach is to help kids with autism I worked in a program about four or five years ago in autism program in Virginia beach Virginia and it provided a lot of insight for me on how to approach with autism and and how to help them connect better with with people that are serving them in the school system serving them in the home and also about them when they get older me when they get older what are we what space that we have available for them what type of jobs are things that we have available in place for them so those are things that I'm working on %HESITATION I also do volunteer work I work in the nonprofit sector here I am helping to eliminate a lot of smoking environments where we are because the air pollution is is is pretty high where we are and %HESITATION we have a lot of places that still allows smoking in certain public areas where children are asked me is is a very high incident here in the area where I am so I'm involved in that I'm involved in a black chain chamber of commerce we are also educating the world about blockchain the things that are happening in that sector and how it's going to revolutionize things in in the world %HESITATION with with all of that so I'm all over the place while really just everywhere and you do all of this in the same twenty four hours is as all of us and you know what black Jane yeah blacks say this typically webinars %HESITATION we have webinars I can't always attend the meetings their meetings every day about blockchain throughout my city but I at the particular chamber that I'm in we do a lot of note similar to the Skype limits are popping if they have a meeting I try to find out you know what what they're working on it how I can contribute %HESITATION the sex ed courses go on during the day I only teach for about an hour and a half because the kids are in the summer program so I come in and provide them with the need in their lives and take questions and then I move on but I am busy and I home school my daughter so I do that too it I'm maximize my day but I mean it it just flows I mean I'm just so happy to be alive to be here so it it doesn't I never really get burned out I I have found a way to really just take it all in and and focus on things that I'm passionate about it because my intention behind everything is good %HESITATION it just flows it really does I love that I chill Olwen expend energy from may so it feels like you'll got so much let your inspiration this this self service the selfless yes you just giving out and most of it is probably because of the addresses of come in your life to make you feel so grateful have you always been that a Colleen generous personal how's life almost made you just appreciate everything you have to then go out and try to give more to the world %HESITATION you know I honestly I I think I've always been that way they had a lot to do with my parenting %HESITATION my parents did everything they could to keep me very grounded %HESITATION I I grew up in a in a it was a lot a lot and %HESITATION even though there were some things that occurred you know by parents or are not perfect but they they both do their very best to make sure that I stay grounded and date expose me to things where I was able to see that I was very blessed in the situation that I was in and they always made sure that I I remain humble %HESITATION so a really had to do with my parents in my eyes my parents again they they were great they have their own struggles but they truly %HESITATION embodied compassion and empathy in mice that my mother used to we will go to New Orleans they were children in the neighborhood who who who didn't have a lot of food and they're they're I don't know what their situations where because I was probably eight or nine years old I remember she would pack food for them and and give them food and and we would she was very passionate about the elderly community and senior senior citizens and she would spend time with them as he would take me with her and do all of those things so I grew up seeing it modeled in people in my life and so for me it was just natural it was part of being human I love it your mother sounds like an incredible lady she was housing and I gained some of those lessons that the compassion the empathy and stuff I have to be very grateful as well that that was instilled in me from my parents and this is probably one of the main things along with kindness to a one one day when I do have children T. just instilled in nothing that's a hell of a lot more important than some of the things we think are important growing up in life such as the results that you get on an exam for example who's got the best trade is what I mean that there's more important things compassion empathy or not so that's a beautiful on sat and just on not then what is your intrinsic and why you know what I do so much and I don't expect anything in return and so I think that has a lot to do with that I just I want to see people happy I want to see people for Phil and I want to see people doing what they love I at throughout my life I have observed so many people who are unhappy and who were not enjoying life and it has it's saddening sometimes to see that %HESITATION and then there it's comes from people who you know who have gone through a lot but just to be alive you know that's that's just enough you know is just enough %HESITATION I just don't take anything for granted %HESITATION at the I just don't we have a lovely I think your intent is is so truthful and honest and I'm not sure if it's something that maybe we would have to go through adversity to kind of gain that deception without clarity the fact that you want to see people happy you want to see for filled and seeing them do what they love that's literally how are you try to be I mean all I'm AT my Jenny I am still learning I love it so much from you just in the short amount of time that we had together so very grateful for that and I don't understand myself and I'm going to find a bit of a tangent here so excuse me but I see a lot of people especially on social media who pretends to have the intent that you have no I could feel it from you just right did you notice the second says that you've been through that your your because nobody who's not pure would go out there and selflessly wake up early met the most of the day to be trying to make an impact in so many different areas of life which she feels that she can make an impact but in social media today after that we're also in a society where people will on this mask and then they almost try and say the right things in order to gain fame more publicity %HESITATION more like a social media I mean really white it really dries my kids because I can see straight through somebody's intent but you touched on something that was brilliant and is that you don't burn I and I think when you come from a place of inspiration and you come from a place of just your passion you're not going to bed not because you any Jesus bureau I mean I don't have the science behind that to back it but I I believe that because I don't have to get better %HESITATION when I'm working for most of the I'm passionate about but I feel that when I work for an organizational something with my values and ethics don't align with it I struggle a struggle between ones so I think that's a great message that you gave in this podcast is for people just to be honest with themselves again it comes back to self awareness of a kind of come full circle here that in life sometimes people are saying the buzz words because I feel that's going to attract more likes and attention where is I'm just saying just be yourself there's nothing wrong if you don't want to change the world there's absolutely nothing wrong with that if your house and your content in your field in your life then by all means just live that life but don't try to be something that you're not because I'm said finding it's hard enough just be myself and try to figure myself I run and try to have a second personally so yeah a little bit of a run that but I just I just feel that you've you've gave so much and clarity and value dava been able to kind of connect the dots that hope you're made about since two years ago is now yes thank you and I I totally agree you can definitely feel it and %HESITATION you know I'm I'm not in the business of of being negative on other people but I don't like to see people being deceived you know that's a big thing for me and that is that is where I I I said the self awareness I talk about that with my teenagers about being manipulated as did you have to be so in tune with yourself where you can see it coming a mile away I said it's a different game in this world now you know there's a lot of illusions that pretend to be the truth and you have to be on top of that and you have to trust yourself and if something doesn't feel right if something doesn't resonate then then don't force IT don't you know try to make it make it feel good and or to go with the flow but you're right you fit you can sense that I I'm the same way in it if used to trigger me it really did but I feel that when you're not operating from a space of integrity or a space of intent eventually it catches up with you it always does it always does I think I'm realizing that I think people who are trying to go for the short term gains will events short term yeah yeah absolutely but what was incredible they can really was as you said manipulation I literally wrote that would die some I'm not trying so if you hit the nail on the head is Zaki with them my thought process and I see in a society where people are taking advantage of people could because one I see people who already at a disadvantage anyway through the because of the man dell in life and it just really upsets me that there's a but I did then trying to exploit these people and so by almost trying to sell people that they're missing a key ingredient for example so you you're having people setting courses for like two thousand pounds because if you really want to be successful you need this one thing so you need to come by my course and I'm just like Hey you could talk about it and I'm I'm trying to think that we need to let yourself is try to be more persuasive rod in trying to manipulate people but I think if people with self aware and use they got interested what you just said I think we definitely in a better place but yeah that's that's interesting thank you for that your welcome and just to add on that %HESITATION people prion in security and anytime that someone can make another person feel as if they are not enough then they open that door where they can say you're not enough here's what you need from me in order to you know and that I learned what I work in the nonprofit sector I'll I observe that a lot of people go into underserved communities and they would do the photo ops they will go when under the agenda that they were there to serve and to help but it was really just to for their own personal gain it was either for notoriety and the people in the community what will begin to not trust in a will go away and then we will try to provide information and resources they would say well how long you going to be here because most people come in they collect data from us and they leave and so I saw that in real world experience and then for to see it on the internet now on social media is so much easier for people everybody's looking for something and and they and then those who are preying on people they are out here doing it with with expectation of something in return whether it's money whether it's likes whether its followers but it's not coming from the space of I am here to to provide value for you I don't want anything from you and like you said the short term is a short term objective but is is the long term because I believe we're all interconnected if we can provide value for someone it's plants the seed that can alter their life life choices in their lifetime and they shouldn't require anything from someone else you know just the energy exchanges enough you know that's enough yeah can be this is this is exactly why I love this podcast on from from a sunfish perspective dot last three minutes not on twenty eight shows that's probably the best three minutes to all I've been fortunate to have heard maybe because it resonates with me on a personal level so you said something that and I I got a bit emotional and and the heads of my home stood up because he said people pray on security and I fill in the last twelve months somebody who I considered very close to me prior mind security from mind's eye you my shyness and it was almost led to believe that any of the success I have in the future was down to this one individual yes in hindsight when a simple thing can I think I've had to or that we can all I've got to overcome my fear is I've got to go and try to do public speaking and then embarrass myself because the words don't come out and I've got all those reps in those I was in those sleepless nights but there was a time when I wasn't as self aware %HESITATION realizing my own values always bring into the world and I didn't believe that it was all done to this one individual one it was incredible how the how they I suppose it was be manipulated I'm to be honest and only share this on not to kind of broadcast this as this individual I'm trying to book classes to people who may be going through the same situation because I now sit here and I I feel hurt and I feel pain that I feel that the individual has loss probably one of the most low people on the road and that's one thing that I would always try and be is is just a very loyal person to people even myself on this JWT person development six seven years I'm still landing everyday so am I on a selfish reason that really resonated with me massively and I hope it does for that for the laces are because I'm sure we're all going to be coming into contact with people who we generally think have our best intentions are hot but deep down and their intent is not as pule and %HESITATION and I I truly believe that is all comes down to your intent yes it does it does so thank you for that and I'm gonna just flipped the script nice so I want to ask you have you been through so much adversity and since so much in your incredible story and you could talk about this for days just a shame that you're on the other side of the road but what actually scares you in this moment what's your biggest fear you know to be honest I almost want to say I don't have any fears but I think for me there's a inner urgency just to make sure that I do everything that I can in terms of my mission here before I leave here and and I don't really know when that time will be but other than that I don't really have any fears and I'm not afraid of death I'm not afraid of failure I'm not afraid of of of is there a being embarrassed %HESITATION I've shared a lot of personal things on my Instagram page that most people probably would not share out of fear of judgment I'm not afraid of judgment I'm not really afraid of anything and I think that that's what my fuel is it's like no one can say anything that can really take me out of my space and it it just it empowers it empowers me that I don't have any really I don't really have any fears of anything I just I haven't always been this way though so now it has this has been a journey to get get this I used to be afraid of a lot you know but %HESITATION again I think the experiences that I've gone through have basically all of my fears that I had I had to face them so no thank you for sharing that thank you for mentioning that you wasn't always like this because I I think when somebody and hopefully people after this show will be the definite gravitate towards you for you that might just think that it's okay for Kimberly Camby's got it all figured out what people don't realize is everyone has a story and everyone becomes the way they are because of whatever is happening this previous chapters that's kind of one of the purposes behind the show and if I'm completely honest now you've got me intrigued because I'm I'm kicking myself that I did it do you more stalking into your personal is around is my own you know put my hands up because I think Instagram we look at it and we look at pretty pictures it is not attracted us in the face to the second record of I scored away so I'm very interested not to kind of go back into your posts and the whole the listeners do as well because I'm sure there's going to be a lot that we can all learn from not so %HESITATION definitely %HESITATION food for thought for myself thank you for that yeah I'll you're welcome yeah there's there's a ton of %HESITATION information I've been on Instagram since two thousand eleven and believe it or not the first three or four years of Instagram my page was totally private I I used to be a very private person and then %HESITATION one day something came to my mind and it said you you're gonna have a lot that you need to do and you're gonna have to reach a lot more people and opening your account is the only way be able to do it to know you with it you can that work and talk to people and really connect with other people and I just always been a very private person I'm totally on the different end of the spectrum now there's nothing that I won't share about my life for the most part I'm pretty much open but %HESITATION yeah there's a ton of information there and I hope we can provide some value for people anything kind of watch my journey along the way over these years %HESITATION as well thank you and that's the V. for thing about it and I feel not it should be Stephanie your G. eat to spread your light and spread your message as well so if I ever see you doing anything in private I'm gonna tell you off myself piston he make sure they put out into the road because yeah yeah lightning definitely okay can be rested on the part of the show now which I like to cool the from Polish %HESITATION where I'm gonna put you on the spot and ask you also as a way to win for questions so we're gonna start in three two one what did you eat for breakfast %HESITATION nothing yet okay your biggest gift the ability to communicate the ability to fly %HESITATION be visible fly would you rather have a rewind button or a pause button on life but many of fame that's not that's a tough one money or fame because both provide impact I wish I would have to say money because I could do things anonymously and still make an impact without the fame I don't want to sync your proudest moment becoming a mother your favorite food pineapple not fix the chief of man I used to pass down Kay your number one goal this year connect with more people that are international your favorite TV show ever you know what I was just talking about that yesterday I like Mister Rogers neighborhood there %HESITATION there's like great value in wisdom and that would you rather know how you would die or when you are done when your favorite hobby apple in books or movies books if you could sit with one person in the road for an hour who would it be your last I love to pick his brain US there is a child was actually something happened to my parents that was my worst fear and finally if you could abolish one thing in the world what would it be I would abolish anything that would cause harm to children yeah I working with teenagers and knowing that a many of them are going through a lot or have been through a lot as a result of other people if I could if I could abolish any type of harm done to children because everything originates in childhood absolutely yeah thank you we are actually at the end right yeah brilliant okay so just a couple more questions can be from may and %HESITATION the next one I always like to ask my guess is about reflection so I'm a family even the whole inside is a wonderful thing in terms of it can teach just ways that we can get to places quick cash with less heartache Reza who all want to know is if you could knowing everything that you know knives go back to a time where maybe you will be and said no we're not clear way you we're going in life and whisper something in the younger Kim please yeah what would you say I would tell a younger Kimberly to trust herself yeah I would I would tell her to trust herself because there was a time when I would listen to what everyone else was saying my parents my friends and this is before social media so I can only imagine the at the feedback that people get now from strangers are from people that they don't now but to trust myself trust myself UPS is going to be okay everything's going to be okay love the love that thank you and sadly that she does bring us to the last question so if in a hundred fifty years time science vows to save us and all that exists is a book and this book it's about you it's about your life and all the way in a wonderful things that you've contributed to life and everything about you basically firstly what would the title of the book be and secondly what with the Blair but the back tell us about you the title would be everlasting touch mom and that the blurb on the back would have to be that S. the legacy is is is that compassion kindness connection %HESITATION embassy those and and love those are the things that that Kerry that that Kerry throughout human civil realization it's it's intrinsic of who we are it's it's wired in our DNA and %HESITATION and that's that's the touch that you know it goes through our address there are children it goes through us through people that we connect with I feel it through you and through and through the night you know it's it's the human value them up today how would you want to be remembered though as a person like what would you want the fasting that when somebody mentions your name that they say oh we can be yes she is sincere mmhm I think sincerity is something that people cannot imitate yeah or pretend sincerity sincerity hello love that thank you can release so %HESITATION so suddenly that she does bring this to the the end of the show is actually been one of my favorite shows and like I said this is a segment in here which really touch my heart and I've read so much just having this fifty minute conversation with you and I'll definitely show to kind of follow your Jenny but what I want to do is give the audience a chance to connect with you as well because I I think your fascinating %HESITATION individual I think you you bring so much so much good into the world nothing you can do so much more as well moving forward so if you wouldn't mind if you could just kind of give us the best places where people can perhaps reach out to you connect with you %HESITATION maybe just follow your Jenny sorry yes I am on Instagram as at Jackson K. ten I'd spell J. A. C. K. S. O. N. the number one zero and I also have another handle Instagram called you are the wealth that's also the name of one of my businesses and %HESITATION I have a pod my podcast this call you are the wealthy can find it on all the podcast platforms as well and yeah that that the you are the well this is something that I recently created because again the self awareness in the self worth is something that I believe needs to be cultivated and and everyone and %HESITATION damp that damn on Twitter is you are the well I'm not much on Facebook so you'll find me on Instagram or Twitter and then I have the podcast but but those are %HESITATION that that's enough for me I think I spread myself too thin the family absolutely absolutely nothing you doing at TI much anyway although I say I say that in a positive way because everything the duties of the fantastic so thank you thank you for sharing those can be all set order the information in the show notes so on how the actual links there for anyone that needs to click on it I want to once again from the ball my hot thank can be for a time today more importantly everyone a hold thanks for listening thank you and thank you for what you're doing as well it's much needed thank you and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day

Adversity Hurricane Katrina Loss of parents Self awareness

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to be happy and combat anger #29

Mon, 08 Jul 2019 04:55:43 GMT

"Happiness abound" by Taylor Proctor #29

Tagline: "We are all capable of happiness abound"

What an incredible episode this was. If I am completely honest and share my own vulnerabilities with this particular interview, I feel I wasn't at my best. I felt Taylor touched on so many things that resonated with me and reminded me of how far I still have to go on my journey that it almost became a self realisation exercise. This then threw me off course as it may be noticeable in the episode, but what it didn't do was throw Taylor off who delivered incredible value. It is for reason I am eternally grateful for the opportunity to have connected with Taylor who I believe will truly teach you all something tangible and useful to take away in your lives.

I know for one, I will be implementing the CLEAR model myself to move my own personal development forward and I hope you can all do this too. She is an incredible woman, who also openly admits to not being this way her whole life and that it has been a process for her.

I genuinely believe the tangible steps and tips that Taylor shares just in this episode alone can make you all happier, and let's be honest who doesn't want more happiness in their life eh?

More importantly for anyone who can relate to the anger issues, perhaps this may also give you a huge insight in to why we are the way we are.

Some key discussion points:

How to control your anger
Self love
CLEAR model
Embracing the process

Remember whatever you are going through in life today, that you are 'not broken'. We can all heal, and we and grow as Taylor shows and shares in her beautiful story and also don't stop learning here. Go and support her and follow her podcast and journey in the links below:

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Links to Taylor Proctor:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/taylor.proctor.31

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/happiness_abound/?hl=en

Website: https://www.happinessabound.com

YouTube Transcript:

welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning into another episode a fine your voice my name is art and as always I am the host of the show so I'm delighted to have to bring to you today Taylor proctor to the show and tell you is actually an experience podcasting fought she's had three hundred plus episodes so it's certainly recommend after this episode of course you go and check out her podcast but what really got me fascinated by Taylor this story into trying to get her on the show was that she teaches happiness but when I head out though well basically I would be happy also secondly wouldn't it be great if we can take the mind of somebody who does this for a living and then give that to you guys so you can walk away at least after this episode was something tangible is something that you can if you are feeling low or if you are in a situation where you are unable to control your emotions how some thing practical that you can utilize and that's what you want me in Taylor spoke about but more importantly I think you're gonna find her story very interesting because hopping this wasn't something that you would always associate with Taylor in fact it was anger and not without spoiling anything else I think this is probably a good time to jump over to the show okay fantastic so I just wanna start the show today then bye thank you my wonderful guest who's from the states her name is Taylor and we ought to just speaking just before I started this interview that was that you store can at full potential guest on Instagram and the thing that she stuck out for me from her by well was that she had the transformational happiness mental in her bio I'm not just got me thinking I thought you know what I need I need a bit of that and more point I'm sure so my listeners could or would do with a dose of happiness so that was kind of the reason I reached out to Taylor and I do thank you for taking time out of a day SO of seat time constraints it's the morning there so blessed issues first thing she's having to listen to is my voice this morning so thank you Taylor for coming on the show and how you doing today I'm doing fantastic thank you so much for having me on I'm so excited and honored and delighted to be here well you're very welcome and likewise I'm very excited to is off because as with anyone in the world I'm sure happiness is definitely one of the things that we will aim for it is one of my goals in life so hopefully by the end of this episode will be smiling and enjoy the rest of our days but before I carry on rumbling I really think it's important for the listeners in the audience to really get to know you a little bit so if you wouldn't mind if you could just kind of give us a bit of a history about your story and how you've kind of going through life I suppose to almost not become a transformational happiness mental absolutely so I was a very very angry person and I was the kind of person that there's there's a phrase a a group playing basketball and it was %HESITATION on my wall there was that the phrase it says hell hath no fury like five women on a fast break which is the basketball it was it was awesome and but when I look at this eight three angry time in my life which was in my early to mid twenties I it's the phrase hell hath no fury like Taylor minor league minor league inconvenienced because I would be I mean any small thing and I would just lose it I would be so %HESITATION three and there was a situation that really highlighted my need for emotional management where I and I sure the story to really truly highlight like the level of anger that lived in my life at the time I was on my way to a craft store and there was a parking spot available and I was patiently waiting like the person was backing out so I was patiently waiting I had my indicator on and it was just like the movies where the person pulls out and then someone else before they can even drive forward pulls into the spot and I was like this this just happen in real life like I've been waiting for like two minutes I've been indicating I've been waiting patiently the person's pulled out that's my spot and the entitlements the anger the aggression came through and I lost it I was screaming at the top of my lungs flipping them off honking my horn like crazy and I it like and they just stayed in the car rightfully so because there's this crazy angry person screaming at them and I there was the parking spot when around this corner and like so there is the way there is the pathway up the parking spot and then the main road kind of went around the corner of this parking spot and so I had to go around this main road so I'm honking at them and flipping them off for a good couple of more than a couple feet because I have to go around behind them around to the side of them and around in front of them to go back into the parking lot and it was it was a front row spot by the way it's I wasn't getting angry for something in the back right yeah who who who would do that also I I pulled around a parked in my spot clear clear down at the end and I'm walking forward and they pull out of the spot they didn't even get out of their car they didn't even go into the store and they pull out of the spot and they drive past me and they're a roll down the window and they say hope you're happy now and I was like like I had never in my life wished for I'm here in the states we have US seven elevens and they have what's called big gulps would you like I think they're thirty two ounce things of soda I don't drink soda I've never purchased one I have never in my life one one so bad to throw through that and so I was very very angry person about something that's really so minor and I go I go into the store and I everything just starts like swirling and I'm shaking because there are several things that happened right there is that initial anger that the trigger and then I felt scared because what if they had gotten another car well what I have done right what if what if when they're driving past me now I'm walking on on the parking lot they're driving past me where they just hit me with their great big SUV right so there's just there's this anger and then there's this fear that takes over me and then there's this this shame and guilt that hits me because it's like oh my gosh I'm not person I feel so out of control and I feel so guilty that I I just kinda lost it on the complete stranger that really probably didn't even see that I was waiting right yeah and and then there's the shame of I let my emotions gain control of like I I lost control of myself and just let my emotions run wild and it could have turned into a very dangerous situation and then I was like then sadness creep in because I don't even know who I am at that point man I can't you can't even recognize myself and so when I say I was an angry person it is no exaggeration and truthfully it's it's a %HESITATION in a space of I just was out of control I had no emotional management no no emotional awareness and something as much of a minor inconvenience of walking a couple extra feet from a parking stall several stalls down set me off and so at that point in amongst many others I decided that I need to start making a change so I started with just being aware of my emotions I started trying to really see where that anger in my life was coming from and for awhile there it was this Peter tauter if you well of anger and sheer and they would go back and forth because it would be I'd be so angry because that was my defense mechanism it wasn't it wasn't flight or freeze it was always fight and so when I was scared and I was scared of being vulnerable I was scared of being happy I was scared of being seen and so I would get into fight mode which would be anger so is this teeter totter of me always being angry always trying to fight the fear when in reality I just need to become aware of my of my possibilities and I need to realize that I wasn't broken because I looked around and I saw so many people who seem so happy and didn't have these this anger that I had or this fear or this anxiety that kind of was creeping in they didn't have these things that I could see and so then you know we grow up and were like oh you know everybody just everyone so happy and why am I not happy I'm broken so I started to feel like I was broken and there is something wrong with me and it wasn't until I started to really putting in the work and understanding that I'm not broken but we're also not just inherently happy and I think that's a big thing right we feel like we should be inherently happy and when when we're not we feel like we're broken and when we feel like we're broken we feel like we're lost and we feel like we're lost we fall into depressions we fall into despair we let our emotions control last so I started putting in the work and started realizing that I actually was capable of moving forward it capable of not being anger angry capable of not not being afraid of vulnerability and when that started to happen I started to gain confidence and realize that I was capable of having happiness abounds in my life and then that has become my mission and the name of my my business and my podcast is to remind people that they are capable of happiness abound self into state thank you so much for sharing that and you probably know is that through the %HESITATION was always resonates so much with your story to tell you that because one of the things I really dislike about myself is my inability to control my anger and I can be the most relaxed laid back person ever and I'm kind of sherry mobile nobody's now in this in this episode which was never the intention but I'd almost news and the thing you said about the broken bat I can resonate so much with that because and I look back at myself or look at the person in the mirror and I think that's not the best knower to be that's not the past now wake up every day and I try to be and I try to live my life the right way but in the state of frustration and aggression and I mean you mentioned a simple example they have a simple cost base I get those moments and I think you hit the nail on the head when you said entitlement not something to gain on you too obviously working myself with because I'm sure people listen to this will resonate as well my city the whole when you lose control and you sit back and then you have that feeling of shame as you mentioned it's not a great place to be in so thank you for asking for sharing that because the premise of the show was to tell people that whatever they going through in their life whatever Adventist useful because it is not alone and if I may ask have you got any quick on on no we could obviously speak about this for I was but just quick tips that you can recommend to somebody like myself or somebody else listed when you get into that state of frustration so for example after this episode if you go to seven eleven in your back pocket and somebody could see what what's your first reactions %HESITATION you'll method so there's a model called the clear model okay and it it stands for circumstance language emotion action and results I'll say that one more time please the it's the clear model and it stands for C. circumstance L. language E. emotion a action our results okay and an understanding of this model will change everything so essentially every circumstance in your life is neutral it's just a circumstance it's your language that you use speaking to yourself so your thoughts and your language that change it from a positive to a negative either way right and when we saw use the parking the parking style so the person stealing the spot neutral my idiot jump to my thoughts of and this is it specifically yeah I have been waiting I've been indicating that is my spot who is that are you take my spot and think that you can do this like those are all that that's the language I'm using and that's a language of entitlement that's a language of victim right and so that's that's sparks emotions because I feel like I'm the victim so I feel like I'm getting attacked I feel like something's not going my way therefore I'm getting afraid so that that sparked the language or the emotion of fear and the emotion of fear sparks for me because it's my template that I work through every day my next emotion of anger which then as I said it sparks the emotions of shame and guilt and sadness as well nobody likes to feel those so that continues to spark the emotion of anger to hide those so your circumstances neutral your language that you're using around the circumstance in your thoughts is what sparks the emotions the emotions spark action so I was angry so my action was is that I decided to drive my car around them and flip them off honk my horn be screaming at the top of my lungs and taking action that could trigger them and I think it kind of did because then when they came out they drove past me decide to go with me on a little bit more and then then the result of that was everything as I stood in this craft store everything kind of spinning around me as I felt this wave of emotions this guilt the shame and the real result was that this was a turning point that I need to change my life so understanding that the language we like if we go back up we crawl back up that tear the circumstances neutral is the language we have around it that shift everything else so if I go into a seven eleven this afternoon which is really funny it's it's a holiday here were recording on the fourth of July which is here an independence day and so it's totally American thing to go get a Slurpee %HESITATION but if I was to go do that and someone pulled into my spot ma'am my first thought might be seriously and then I go back through I go through the model and so I'm like can you change my thoughts and like you know what maybe they're in a rush maybe they're on their way to go do something %HESITATION and they need to to fill up on gas they need to go run in and pay for it first and I'm not in a hurry it's okay no big deal and that changes that changes everything because the next thing you know your emotions are okay cool well I'm not gonna let it ruin my day and there's a spot over there I'll just drive a little further and I could use the extra exercise and walking and that's great and so then the the actions of that is I walk a little extra maybe I smile at them when I as a walking past them as they walk out and my result is that my day is not ruined by somebody else's actions because like if I eat all the way back up the ladder controlled my thought absolutely honest Britain us this really well explained as well so it's quite easy to remember nine out and I was going to follow in that process and I can do a hundred percent see where I get lost in it as well I also can relate to your anger and fear I think and I think I'm very similar to you so even with the whole store in this podcast the anxiety when I'm in a situation where I'm struggling wrong vulnerable I don't have a freeze response or maybe I do but I never choose to use always have the flight response as well so just having not yeah pro says that you just expand on I'm definitely gonna use not myself and hopefully not feeling %HESITATION ashamed of myself when I lose my temper so thank you so much for sharing that and how long has this proces taking you to regain control of it because I I think I heard you say earlier that you do this every day is that right %HESITATION yes so I worked in the clear model every day I talk about happiness in my life every week day on my podcast so it's a daily ends but this process overall has taken me about five years to be able to get to a point where I'm like there it is like I got I got rear ended the other day and that's another situation where like I'm not expecting this to happen if I'm not emotionally managed in that moment things go south and I'd like to recommend I use a technique called decked declarations okay and I actually teach a course on it's available online on my site but I use declarations every single day to help me control the language that I'm using in my brain to then work that model so well it's taken me five years to fully grasp and understand and be able to change my patterns and my templates from instant anger and victim in entitlement thoughts to happy calm and dare I say grace right offering grace for other people as well as for myself right because that's part of that same thing that's part of that that feeling that guilt is you're like wow like I'm such a terrible person when you can try to give yourself grace through the language that you use understanding that now this is an opportunity for me to learn and to grow and I'm grateful for that and that can lead to grace for yourself which then also leads to grace for other people which also leads to being less angry at at situations that don't necessarily warrant it so I use declarations I'd be happy to share with you mine that you specifically when I got rear ended the other day yeah if you wouldn't mind please sure so my declaration is I am an intuitive mentor vibrant abundant and filled with light and when I can say that when I can change my language to who I want to be it can the gate to the anger of who I used to be who I once was so when in the situation of getting rid ended I got rear ended pulled over and I was like oh my gosh like usually my first my first phrase is really yeah I'm like is this really happening right now and the like nope that's that's not who I want to be yeah I am an intuitive mentor vibrant abundant filled with light I get out of the car and like Hey are you okay and the woman was was not she was okay but she was a little terse with me and seemed irritated that she rear ended me and my car was okay her car was okay like I'm okay she's okay and I'm like you know like that's fine like we we can just go our own ways and like she laughed and I that's a moment where in the past I would been mad that I got rear ended I would be really bad that it seemed like she had no remorse whatsoever but instead I'm like no I will I am an intuitive mentor vibrant abundance and full of light if I'm if that's who I want to be especially in that instance there the full of light that doesn't mean I have very much space for anger and I can use that to transform my language to transfer my emotions to transfer my actions and to give me different results that's incredible he should be very very proud of your transformation and even just in this very short segment nine is giving me massive food for thought and hopefully people listed of just how we should try and at least work on ourselves to give ourselves grace I think that was a really important thing that you touched on so %HESITATION fantastic so you're probably are suppose just actually going back to the instance the womb was probably expecting a reaction from you and I suppose I think you have that as well when it's almost a shock factor when you're expecting someone dropped a set way and then they they handle it in a supposing you Taylor's way we just Grayson just happy to see you almost think it is personal right yeah absolutely because it's here's the thing it's so against the norm like I'm I'm just gonna say this right now like emotional management is nothing that we are taught and it's so against the norm that when we do see someone who is in a space of managing their emotions and in a space of positivity because of that then it wears us out like this is this is a call it out right it weird you out but then you also are like there's something there's something different about them and here's the thing we're all unique but sends a motional management is so outside the norm when you can be a person who is in control of their emotions and this is not saying I am positive and happy one thousand percent the time yeah I'm I'm a human negative emotions happen but I know how to manage and work through them so they don't control my life but when someone has that people are drawn to that opportunities come up that you would never have before jobs relationships this to speak on podcast like you and I found each other on social media we don't know each other personally here we are having a great conversation that is I was an angry bitter person you probably wouldn't have even %HESITATION file right told listens to some of your videos and I purchase in the decorations previously on one of your posts as well I'm not that fascinates me when this people who I can learn from and I think if I could learn something from them hi I hope my audience kind as well so I hundred percent agree but it's not the norm is a I mean I feel like we're in a society of just robots and you get the odd person like yourself you just fans are a little bit from everybody else and and to me especially I find that fascinating and %HESITATION I'm hoping now obviously myself through my Jenny I can try and express ways to help other people but I hope people that listen to you and for you after this episode as well can take on some of the lessons that you shed which %HESITATION which which are really really useful so thank you so much for sharing that thank you I'm just on that then so you've actually got quite an orthodox lie so I remember going to school and you either going to be a doctor an accountant or school some kind of profession I suppose you come out of %HESITATION college or university from you are not here as an entrepreneur you've got your own business you briefly mentioned that you've got courses on your website as well so what's a day like for you so I do have a sideline job as well so my day looks like this so I am currently participating in what's called the seventy five hard challenge so I'm participating in that so I wake up in the morning I do my vision board work and my declarations I a then feed my dogs I make breakfast for myself and then I read for the active ten pages of reading it day taking notes highlighting etcetera then I go back to my office and I journal and meditate put on my shoes take my dogs for a forty five minute walk outside come back get ready well I take about if I take about a fifteen minute nap and then I get rid I get ready and then I come to my podcast ideo which is actually my mess of a closet but it's great for sound dampening ands I record my podcasts record video at the same time then I upload that and then I drive to work at my day job where I am a marketing director I lied three teams and do that throughout the day then I come home and depending on the day that can be a breakdown of working on my business I also do one on one mentoring so working with clients of one on one depending on the day that they scheduled and then time with my my husband my spouse and then it's usually too bad so that's that's the day looks like it's feels pretty full when I've listed all out like that I really really enjoy it and I'll I honestly I love my life which is something that I couldn't have said five years ago mmhm I'm glad that you do and if if I may then so the last five years of observing good T. come we touch on a time limit vesti for yourself and maybe the lessons that you gain from that absolutely so about four years ago so I was still really angry it was not a great time I we had a family emergency both fall my husband and I mmhm and it resulted in my husband having to to travel and I essentially living alone for about a year and a half and in that still was able to communicate with my husband everything's great but in that was really my first time ever being really truly alone and I woods and maybe this this may or may not resonate for for your listeners depending on where their apps but this was what my it's really interesting so we just went through my daily routine is now let me tell you what my daily routine is was then so I would get up late I would kind of get ready I would go to I would go to work I would be miserable at work I would come home I would grab some food sit down on the couch turn on TV scroll through social media at the same time while I was eating and I would do that for about six hours the are you still watching or you know the continuous play auto play and I would say I would be eating that entire time I'd be scrolling on Facebook or Instagram Pinterest name the social media site I'd be doing that and I would stay up later than I probably should of and so then I would go to bed late and the cycle would continue and I did that for about nine months I gains twenty pounds I was a mess and I there's this there's these deals that they do it occurred the grocery stores here where they have the the Betty Crocker and it's very specific Betty Crocker Betty Crocker whipped vanilla buttercream frosting and again %HESITATION %HESITATION and they do they do ten for ten and so I would go to the store and I would get the ten for ten deal and not that I recommend this but it's very delicious when you put them in the freezer it's like ice cream that's amazing anyways I would I would do the ten for ten I put them in my freezer and every ten days I need to go re stock like I was eating a can of frosting a day like the sugar and the over eating and he social media scrolling and %HESITATION watching TV I was offering so hard for my emotions of loneliness and isolation and anxiety and fear of like what was going to happen and and all these things in my first time ever really truly truly being alone and that was a really really hard time and about nine months nine months into that year and a half something something switched and it's really funny because I couldn't identify it before and then I was being interviewed another podcast and this story came up in a different capacity and I realize what the trigger had been for me is that I I have a dog and I make I make jokes that this dog in particular I have two soulmates one as my husband and one is this dog like I I love this I love him so much and he was there with me and I took him to the backs for his annual and that was like %HESITATION she is really overweight it turns out that well I was gaining twenty pounds she right yeah she gains twenty pounds and so it was like okay we got like I love this dog more than more than myself at this point and I we need to get some stuff together so we started doing agility and I was like I this was in October and around November I was like TV is a problem for me I am majorly addicted so I'm gonna do I correct crafted my own challenge of no Netflix November a lot that I highly recommend it it's really hard in November because that's when all the good shows go out but I did know Netflix November and it changed everything because I realize I was book ending my routines with I would come home turn on the TV eat for hours do social media for hours watch TV for hours and that was the trigger that kept me in the cycle when I stop watching TV holy smokes the free time I had and I realize I wasn't hungry for dinner I wasn't hungry for frosting I wasn't hungry well I was trying to buy for my emotions and I found I didn't scroll on social media as much either I started going out and doing things I started reading more I started doing all these things that TV took that time and was essentially keeping me down and just because I was relying on it to help me by for my emotions instead of being aware of them and sitting in them so well I had done the work for anger I had figured out the work for loneliness and for fear and for sadness and for missing my old life and prior to this incident and so after that nine months in that jump start of being like I need to I need to get it in gear not only for me but for this dog that I absolutely love things started to change and that's when that's when my life as you said the it was really like the four years but I wrap it up in a five year time for because the anger thing did happen before but when you say the five years have been have obviously been good to me no stuff that happens but I just decided not to let it control me yeah yeah this powerful I would say the thing that I've learned the most out of that experience is that well really it's the clear model right every situation is your role as the thoughts that we have that lead to the emotions that lead to the actions that give us the results absolutely I think I am at Mylan I'm not sure if you're aware of him is awfully says life doesn't happen to you happens for you and that's kind of like a summary of basically what you expend a yours is a lot more concise and something a bit more practical that we can all use but just in relation to the story I mean it's fantastic because I just wanna thank you for sharing that vulnerability there about about your life and how you the truth of what was actually like and even now you're still saying not everyday is perfect because it's difficult when people after the show will come and kick on your profile and though he you speaking on your Instagram live videos and looking at your post it's difficult to think is this the same person because the transformation just trying to picture what you would like to just sit in there on Netflix to wait person that you are not an Aston credible and that's kind of what they should show a gain it is about so %HESITATION you're in such a great place that it's gonna be difficult for people to connect the dots of the it's not really the same Taylor that was on the episodes it is exciting for me because I'm I literally thought there are some people out there who are consistently happy all the time but then I will I'm starting to think what's this story because I do believe that everyone has a story and there's always something that's happened in their life in order to kind of change that perception I suppose and I guess yours was just your dog at the start having something that you cared for more than yourself to kind of bring you out of that rut %HESITATION and hopefully now it's more about yourself and helping other people and you won't need to focus externally and more so just try to focus on yourself one hundred percent I attended a conference last week and they had everybody right like their their top three the top three things that they they spend their time on and that they that they love and they're like okay how many people said family now raise their hand how many people said said spouse raise their hand and they were like now how many of you said yourself yeah and there were three of us in the room out of the room of a hundred and this is a room of a hundred people who are self help absolutely a very technical term their self help me but what use that one yeah there was there was three of us and it was number one on my list like it was the first thing I wrote down of what do I care about who do I care about what do I love what is a priority in my life and I would really challenge us like if yes my dog was it a key indicator that on the loneliness part and the over eating in the emotional buffering but still it came down to myself on the anger in the originals thing and I think we've been styled societally coached if you will that looking out looking out for your self is selfish but the thing is is that your life like you are your own best friend you are in your head all the time your body is with you one hundred percent of the time so if you are not looking out for yourself and I mean that in the most positive way absolutely right if you're not aware of your emotions if you're not looking at your routines and going okay I go to work I come home I watch TV I eat I scroll I go to bed that is my life every single day do I want more you have to like do I want more and then taking the steps to do that and being okay with that back nagging feeling that this might be selfish and at that point you use your declarations who do I want to be well I want to be an intuitive mentor whose vibrant abundant and full of light I have to become that person nobody else is gonna become that person for me so I need to focus on myself and have that that quote unquote selfishness it is so powerful enough in the way that you just said it would there was it was so beautiful and white with you now I think we should go out to challenge ourselves to kind of love ourselves faced %HESITATION and and it's it's weird because a bit of a personal story about going to drive it too much but my mom suffered with them quite depression she still does for about eight years and as he was saying that she was a fence posts that come into my head because her whole life is predicated on serving the people it always has been and it probably always will be less of a second almost challenger to kind of voice office and as much as me or my siblings or family and friends kind of tell eight you need to start looking after yourself and start to fill up your cook fast it just never seems to be her priority and it's always let me do this for someone so let's let me do this for this person I don't know it just it just resonated so much with me the odd I genuinely believe that she prioritize their life as she had even more to give because she's a very selfish person anyway nothing especially if we're giving people we have a call I nature we feel that we should always give I kind of feel of the people's Cup so fast but you just hit the nail on the head there one of the key things of your need to try and do as we go through this journey of life and trying to figure out what we actually have four is is to work on ourselves phase so this really hit me I like I said Tyler this is this is an incredible episode for me on a selfish level because I feel like I'm getting mastermind coaching from an expat half to may be happy so thank you so much a gate it's you were entering lawful and actually I wanna and I don't mean this in a in a bragging sense but I do want to ask you because you said this so am I providing value to you in this discussion one hundred percent if I had not focused on myself no I would not be sitting here talking to you being able to provide that value to you now city absolutely so really I love that you brought that up about about your mother or it really can be about anybody it's way easier to focus on everyone else then the focus on ourselves but you are spot on we cannot give to others and last we are comfortable and loving and supporting ourselves first spread I'll only get on then to another question I always like to ask people what show current biggest fear not stagnation K. I and it's not a matter of always be moving right there's there's another type of emotional buffering which is busy and it's not like that it's it's stagnation in the sense of I believe we're we're gonna go deep here for second I I believe my personal purpose is to learn and to grow I believe that's my internal purpose my external purpose is to be able to share with other people and reminded them that they are capable of happiness about so I have two purposes one is my internal and that directly correlates to my external but I my internal is I believe I am here on this earth to learn and grow as much as I can so my biggest fear is stagnation because if I am stagnant and I'm not learning and growing I'm not living my purpose absolutely so bring it on send this one a gain the I resonate with but looking at this five years ago I mean you would've been in a completely different state even myself I mean I feel like I do a lot of self development I do a lot of waking up myself I tried but this is been something unique to myself because maybe it's because of the I'm getting that we touched on at the beginning and not gain a hope as people listen to this you probably got the same kind of situation is me because on the outside a might always seem like I have my composure about me but there's a lot of things that I do need to work on my %HESITATION myself is also yeah that's that's the grants and I'm I'm sure that this happened is about and movement that you're craving %HESITATION will continue to expand I'm just on the actually then if you if you wouldn't mind so we muzzle but in not just before we go to the fun part of the show if people want to do the work with you all to learn more about yourself and more about this happened is a binding how would they be able to connect with you sure so I have a website happiness abounds dot com and I should be very clear it's happiness abound singular not abounds %HESITATION so happiness abound dot com and that has links to all of my social but you can find me on Facebook at happiness abound blog and Instagram at happiness underscore abound I also I'm on YouTube IG TV so and then the podcast is on most major listening podcast platforms so if you to search happiness abound I usually come up and video or audio options and then on my site you can also check out my courses that are available online and yes I do do one on one mentoring and would love to work with someone who maybe is struggling with anger and wants to be happier absolutely absolutely I mean he doesn't want to be happy SO and we are not on that no actually gonna go into the phone part of the show so this is something that you have no idea what's going to happen I'm ready okay fantastic we're gonna start in three two one okay what did you eat for breakfast a shake your biggest gift my biggest gift for myself as my drive if you could eliminate one thing from your daily routine what would it be less naps I love nap the ability to fly %HESITATION be invisible fly would you rather have a re one button or many of fame money because you can make more of an impact with money and that could lead to fame absolutely your proudest moment cool we come back to that one yes show your favorite food oranges not fix the chief the colonel the answer the answer is neither okay they're they're both rabbit holes of addiction for me so I try to stay away okay your number one goal this year my number one goal this year is to have a month where I have ten thousand downloads of my podcast your favorite TV show ever I really like mash would you rather know how you would die when you were dying when your favorite hobby talking about happiness love among the love book so me these thanks if you could sit with one person in the world for an hour who would it be Oprah you wish there as a child being stolen your favorite place in the world redwood forests in California equal languages we'll be able to speak to animals speak to animals if you could abolish one thing in the world what would it be self hate it's the root cause of everything and finally we're gonna go back to the question that you passed on your proudest moment that one okay my proudest moment I have I have lots this is not a choice of like %HESITATION what should I choose like or I don't have any it's like there's so many I because I do try to recognize these moments of my life I think my proudest moment to date is that I I had that I wanted to become a I a life coach in the back of my mind for really really really long time and part of that was I wanted to take a course reiki to become certified and they're expensive and so one of the proudest moments is kind of a a two for one I was attending a conference that I highly respect and I was like man I would love to do their coaching program and get certified and I just passed the paper along because I'd affordability and we had just paid off a huge amount of down our credit cards and my husband was with me and he's never at conferences with me like this was his first one and we go to lunch and he's like so how can you turn that how can you just pass the papers down as like all we can afford I can't afford we have a separate budget like personally that we have a family budget I like I can't afford it and he's like we can and we can do it in cash as we head off all of our debt and I was like what we can and he's like yes and we should then you should you need to I know this is something you really wanted and so we like rushed back from lunch I signed up so that was a really proud moment but then then the work comes in and and it was very intensive and I think my proudest moment as when I finished because it was a very it was it was a large group of people I think it was like seventy five in the main group and then we had the segmented off into smaller groups to do it was daily phone calls daily homework we had to create this entire binder thing I had to mentor ten individuals a minimum of three times and put them through a mentoring program to become certified in this three month period he was very intensive and of my small group where there were six of us talking every day only two of us actually finished and so I am really proud to you should be a certified transformational happiness mentor and so my proudest my proudest moment her proudest memory today is is getting that certification and having that dream had been in the back of my mind for years finally country western testing you should be proud and when you say that dream was in the back of your mind for ages how long are we talking I mean how's saving others so being able to influence people in a positive way it's been at the back of your mind situate child or was it something that we see as you were going through your own transformation you thought I would love for other people to feel this way actually it was neither I when I was a child I had a myriad of like I will be doing a lot of different things and it's really funny because today I do a lot of different things but I it wasn't after my journey either it was actually before okay and I was listening to a Tony Robbins CD and I don't remember what he asked I just remember I was by myself it was late at night I was listening to it and I think he has something like what do you want to do and I was like I wanna be it a coach I want to help people and I start falling and because it just felt so right and like I can actually do that which when we have dreams and things like I want to do that and at the time I was not emotionally managed I was a mess and it felt so far away but it felt so right that I just was overcome by like tears of joy and so a lot of those trials and things have helped me become who I am today so that I can help people put it in the back of my mind and I had I had started like a blog and stop and start and stop and start and stop because I felt like it had to be this perfect story yeah elle of of beginning middle and end and now I'm happy and that just contributed even more to my thought that I had to be inherently happy because I would listen to other podcasts and people would have a beginning middle and end and now they're happy and I'd like I can't even see an end in sight like I must be broke and I must be wrong something's not right with me and so any time I started to try and move in that direction of this goal I would stop myself because I wasn't perfect and the perfectionism really hit hard and so through the emotional management and all those things and then the grace that tends to come with that that really helped with my perfectionism and I actually started my podcast before I became certified and I feel like that had a lot to do with it because when I started my podcast I was like I was going to one a month and start slow and then the pressure that every hit recovering perfectionist here every hit had to be a home run there's only one a month yeah right and I'd be worn out and burned out on it because of all the emotional stress of it had to be perfect and I discovered that the thing that would work for me is if I could talk about it every day because then I could share my journey in real time and and show that I'm a real person struggling with this and you might be struggling with the two and here's what I'm going to try or here's what I was struggling with yesterday and here's what I what I tried and it works for me maybe it can work for you and getting over that perfectionist mentality in the podcast I really believe set me up to be able to become certified and help other people see that as well and I had to go through that journey before I could ever have just felt like yeah I can be a coach right so yeah it was in the back of my mind before all the work happens but I would not when you asked like rewind or pause I would not change anything in my life up today I would love to pause and be more in the moment and enjoy where I'm at now yeah yeah all this again so many things I can probably relate to on that so I used to with perfection is a bunch of ana until recently when I realized that she was perfection %HESITATION being a perfectionist that was the cause of all my procrastination I mean don't get anything done so %HESITATION even the one thing that I really enjoyed as a child was me because the system would sit there with an old cassette player which had a microphone attached to the side of it and we would record radio shows pretty much all day after school and I just enjoy speaking on a radio show and then somewhere from my teens to all the way through my twenties and saw you kind of can see my life and I really struggle in terms of getting out there and I became a real introvert and it's only in totally true this yet as we mentioned before we start this part as well so you know this part custom thing I'm just gonna try it and what what's the worst that could happen this doctor pepper it basically and %HESITATION I I've enjoyed it so much as it's been a JD I'm so people can listen to my first episode and realize that I am a lot more Davis then published today I mean I'm still nervous today but I think that vulnerability one that you're showing on your daily podcasts and why I hope people can see from my part because he's a whenever gonna be perfect and the whole process that's with a view you lie so I enjoy connecting with people I would never normally see walking down the road like yourself I mean this is a conversational enjoyed it so much is and I would never have had this opportunity if I hadn't of just bit the bullet and just come for it so I definitely age people whenever is in life that they want to do is just to kind of just try it because if you're anything like me I love a try and if I could see someone trying always I was trying to reform is I don't think that will retreat for you as well yeah that's just my little of inspiration off it to this podcast I completely agree I think I think that two things progress over perfection and then there is power and beauty in slow progress because part of the reason that we give up or like once we do start then we stop is because we feel like it's not happening fast enough but the power in the beauty that can come to you through that slower progress is everything I should just ask you to say because I'm their billing on and you said it so eloquently sub now %HESITATION yours was you were fantastic I was very I was very inspired also why I was being a little like I totally agree thank you okay but is so we're actually almost at the end of the show and I suddenly I and the just a few things I want to ask you before we close the show tell if that's okay and the next question is about reflection and always feel it's important that we speak about this because this is where the lessons I learned so I'm I'm a family even a hindsight teaches us a lot of things you can do just ways that we can get to places quicker easier with less heartache so what I want to know is knowing everything that you know if you could go back to a younger Taylor and whisper something into it yeah maybe do in a circumstance where she's may be feeling vulnerable %HESITATION just unsure of what she's going in life what would you say I would say you are capable of happiness abound because I I felt like I wasn't I felt like I was broken like I was wrong and I felt like I wasn't capable of happiness in my life and now I know that I am definitely a yeah and can I just ask the feeling that you said that you felt like you were broken was that your own feelings or was that an external influence as well %HESITATION hybrids okay right you you see other people that look like they have it all together and when you don't you feel like there's something wrong with you you see and constantly here like you should be happy or that happiness is the ultimate goal so when you're not and you're not viewing your life that you're human you're gonna have negative emotions in you just do it that your broken instead you don't feel like you're you don't feel like you're capable and I think that's a big a big thing and I teach this to the people I I mentor and I call a my clients because until you can feel like you are like you have to do some of the work to feel like you're capable and when you feel like you're capable you gain confidence and when you gain confidence you feel qualified and when you feel qualified you can conquer the world city I left a message thank you and that she's going to bring this to the last question nine which is something I gain I ask all of my guests which is if in a hundred and fifty years science has to save us someone no longer here and all that exists is a book and this book is about you Taylor and it's got all the way in a wonderful things that you've done in life and basically your whole story what would the bled the summary at the back of it how the pace and looking to pick that up and what with the title of the book she discovered she was capable of happiness abounds and reminded others they were capable of it too is the blurb and the title would probably be happiness about nice is simple I love it this powerful thank you so much for sharing that and we have already done the the social media plugs for yourself but I would definitely as people to father tied up on his social media platform a gain all I will definitely be doing that a bit more myself we just realized actually before this podcast that you have a podcast Televisa anywhere else that people can contact you or is Instagram probably the best place and your website I yeah Instagram in my website are probably the best website is the easiest because it has links to everywhere else so you can find me on multiple spaces ends yeah be sure to reach out I would love to hear from you thank you Taylor and for everyone else at home thanks for listening thank you that was really fun and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How Cancer and Thoughts can change your life #28

Mon, 01 Jul 2019 04:55:27 GMT

"Think Carefully" by Pete Sanga #28

Tagline: "How cancer and thoughts can change your world for the better"

It is almost like we wait for something bad to happen to wake us up. For us to really take life serious and realise each day we lose, we will never gain again. Each second we spend not being grateful, happy or fulfilled is a second wasted. Yet when something bad happens, we can sometimes have a realisation that life is important, precious and beautiful.

Pete Sanga shares his story of how cancer and controlling his thoughts has massively changed his life and future. He speaks of tangible tips we can all use and incorporate to live a life of happiness, gratitude and fulfilment without having to go through cancer like he did.

A truly remarkable individual who gave off a beautiful energy and had an infectious aura about him. Someone much wiser than me with experience I was grateful to have received.

Some key discussion points:

Cancer being a gift
The importance of your thoughts.
How to change your thoughts.
Practical positive daily routines.
Understanding that we control more of our life than we think.
Age is nothing but a number.

I urge you to listen to this all the way through and implement some practical steps and tips that you can do for FREE in 10 minutes or less a day to really help you move forward in your life. These tips and tricks aren't just for cancer survivors, or people who have overcome adversity. They can and should be important practices we all take on in our life to truly make the most of this short amount of time we have on this earth.

Let's all start to find our voice today and write our own stories.

Let's leave our mark on this earth before it's too late.

Remember tomorrow never comes.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Links to Pete Sanga:

Amazon business Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Sanga-Aromatherapy-oils-2383077878401459/

Amazon businesss link: https://amzn.to/2xkLdXE

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pete.sanga

YouTube transcript

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren Deu a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren Deu what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of fine your voice my

name is Aaron and as always I am the

host of the show so sitting here

thinking before I released this podcast

why is it that we always need something

bad to happen in our lives for us to

appreciate the good things or even the

smaller things the more beautiful things

that we often take for granted and maybe

this is just a human trait but it's

something that I'm trying to get through

in this movement I find your voice is

that I want you guys to start living

right now and I want you to find

something that fulfills you I want you

to be happy I want to live in gratitude

you see I put these stories out here for

you guys to listen to not to make you

feel miserable or to feel sad or start

to cry I put these stories out there to

show you how lucky you are you see we

are all very blessed and we're all very

lucky if we choose to see it that way

you see living in a moment of gratitude

is fantastic but living a day a week a

month a year in fact your whole life in

gratitude that's just so much better and

what I want you guys to do is to start

to take on these tips that we've

mentioned in this episode coming forward

but then go back and listen to the

people on this show who have shared

their story so bravely and so openly and

honestly and think about how your life

is maybe better than their life in terms

of you haven't had to suffer with cancer

you haven't had to suffer with blindness

you haven't had to be homeless for

example and then really start to look in

your own life and start to live with

gratitude because that is the key you

see we're all chasing happiness

happiness is a number

one goal and it should be the number one

goal for all of us and through that we

chase fulfilment as well and if you can

get those two in line then you're gonna

have a fantastic life but what I don't

want you to do is to wait until

something bad happens I don't want you

to have to experience cancer like our

guest today shares his experience and it

was actually cancer that actually gave

him his life back in almost now you

could see it he's loving his life and he

openly admits it as well

in this episode that it was cancer that

really made him start to live again but

I don't want none of us listening to

this show to have to go through cancer

in order to start living because we can

do it right now we can all go out there

and find our voice and really try and

start to write our own story so

hopefully you guys enjoyed this episode

it was fantastic for me because it did

exceed my expectations and if you do get

a chance please do hit us up on social

media as well we are quite active and

don't forget if you get a chance as well

please do share it with somebody else as

well

to maybe inspire and motivate them to go

out there and find their voice so

without further ado let's get this

interview on the way I'd like to start

this show by welcoming Pete to the show

and I want to thank Pete for taking time

out of his day today to come and share

his story so Pete thank you for coming

on to the show you know I'll come take

you things like him and you're very

welcome and really appreciate it I think

it's going to be useful for their

audience to get to know a bit about

yourself

so if you wouldn't mind if you can kind

of give us like a summary take as long

as you need in relation to the life of

Pete for example tell us some of your

ups tell us some of your dance and then

basically what brings you here today

perfect no problem and hi audience

I'm glad you listen it is and well why

you sort of story is I'm not a

multi-millionaire or anything like that

far from it but I live a very

comfortable life and it hasn't always

been like that

I mean I'm 53 years old so you can

imagine when my upbringing from my

parents how that was in a very strict

upbringing we was always sort of

monitored by our pens back in game days

with the early days of very few Asian

community in the UK and they had to sort

of build their reputation so we resorted

very close community

we have been declawed close community

parents always took hold of what you had

to do days basically sort of had your

life for yourselves in mahjong days and

I was kind of rebellious with my dad

because always always one that wanted to

do my own thing the way I want to but

course you have to have respect for your

parents and sort of listen to them as

well

so I as I said Oh print being invade

it's a tight community Asian community

and as a site to sort of get older and

going to school into sort of sixteen

seventeen this is where I sort of

started to understand that you know I

don't want to follow the footsteps of my

parents and Adorno follow the footsteps

of my brothers and sisters and Gaurav

University or anything like that I

didn't want to be stuck behind a desk

when that's what my parents wanted to be

I was more inclined to sort of looking

to I used to see it market and I think

wow I want to do that I don't want to do

that and you know that's how my thoughts

were and so as I got to about 16 17 I

started kind of rebelled against what my

parents wanted and but again same thing

you know you have to have some element

of respect for your pen so I still

followed them and I'll put till the ages

sort of 21 ish when I got married and

and we then brought her family business

and and again we started working in the

family business but it's not something

that I wanted it wasn't for me so even

though I worked in there and putting the

hours as long with my with my brothers

and it's not something that I wanted to

do and what really changed my mind

or changed me was when I became ill when

it was about round about 25 and at that

time I had two children and one of them

here and well two boys and I had contact

and sort of that's where that's what

really changed my perspective about life

and because when you fall into I mean oh

no people about cancer and they've cured

and they've come every but the initial

shock of that was like wow you know I

mean I remember sitting on the stage

with my wife and I'm telling my wife and

I'm sitting there crying my eyes out

thinking and your whole life goes by

here and especially when things like

that I mean nowadays you know they so

many curious for so many diseases but

when you're looking when you're going

back 20 odd years there was there wasn't

as many curious so you know you have

this flashback of your life and you

think wow I'm not gonna be here what's

my kids gonna do and all these thoughts

start to run through your head and you

know and I remember sitting under stairs

and said crying I like that and what dad

came in and he looked at this and he

went there what's the matter what you

crying for and at all my dad okay my hog

and even though and he was sort of

strong I could see sense that he it was

one of them things like wow you know

this is happening to my son and saying

you ever went through a treatment and

chemotherapy and he was in and out of

hospital I lost a lot of weight and I

you know sort of kind of lost confidence

as well because I was what I would say

was a greatly confident person but I was

quite confident in myself and I've lost

all my confidence as well and my sister

she gave me a book which was there your

guardian angels and as a while I was in

hospital I started to read this guide in

angels thinking what's this about you

know guardian angels and you just

totally changed my life in the sense of

we've just read good just reading the

book I thought wow this is there such

thing as this guardian angel is there

such thing as a spiritual world and

that's why where my spirituality came

out and from there you should have sort

of started to progress and as I came

once I was out of hospital and had done

my chemotherapy and fetal healthy I knew

that I had to do my own thing my own way

and I wanted to be and how I can

progress it wasn't always easy because

you always you have this and how pretty

you have this education or you have this

your your upbringing embedded into you

you see so then they're deep into your

subconscious mind so they always

flop back out and you start to think

well should I should I or shouldn't I

but I know I wanted to move away from

the family and do my own thing and which

is sort of what I started to do gonna

just pause for a bit or we can jump in

there so there are a couple of things in

relation to that so you always knew from

a very young age you mentioned like from

1617 you were you're probably different

to your siblings yeah you want to do

something different and I kind of I

could resonate with that myself so I was

forced in inverted commas to kind of go

through the academic route because I was

very I could pick up things very quickly

yeah I didn't want to do any of that

it was never my interest I always want

to kind of go against the grain I want

to be a boxer I wanted to do you cry I

want to do all the stuff I said on

television but he has different stuff

and there was an element that I suppose

somewhere along the line I kind of

resented the decisions and I was having

to like make my parents happy rather

make myself happy fortunately for me I

didn't have to experience kind sir in

order to really be like okay now I need

to just do what's done for me and it

kind of seems like cancer was your kind

of wake-up call a mass of thing

do you know what I have to look after

myself yeah and put myself first and it

was it's quite emotional for me just

thinking about that moment when you're

sitting on the stairs and you and you're

telling your family is stuff I just

thought this is just giving you a book

about the guardian angel and stuff I

think that's come probably a good time

because I absolutely did you agree that

if that come it should give you that

book yeah we'll probably thought once it

changes your perception of do you know

change started to change the way I'll

think and I need all honesty when I

start to read the book and I started to

sort of understand each chapter one at a

time I thought wow you know this is

amazing can this really be possible

could you elaborate on something from

that or something that you maybe do now

yeah of course yeah and so what I've

learnt from that book was of course it

started to open other doors and other

avenues in Lord of Attraction as as

people know it I don't know there's a

lot of it back now whereas when we was

younger it was it wasn't it wasn't about

what he's still about but we wasn't

aware of him but he's a lot more about

of it often now so and then you know I

don't know thousands if not millions of

people's heard of the secret and so then

that

book came into my hands and it was it

just happened to be that I went onto a

course and which is an angel course and

his spiritual core so as I went there

and this is the lady that was conducting

it her name was Angela so and she told

us about this secret and the secret

website so I wrote it down

suza go home was sort of jumped on the

website got the thing he got the DVD

because there's gotta be something

indecent what's what's so good about

this or anyway are played it and then

what made my two boys what it sat there

watching me and I was totally sort of

enclosed in this secret because that

what they were saying is your thoughts

become your reality this was for me it

was like a turning point because I

thought wow if that was the case and wow

I can create anything the one was with

the kids they were still young there

wasn't sort of so much interested in it

and so that's where he progressed from

so now you know I have a special routine

in the morning and a follow every day

and it's all due to this I guess I can

call it positive thing times Olivia and

it's all due to these positive thinking

and you know when you start to think in

a certain way certain doors will start

to open for you

but you have to trust in your way of

thinking and you have to trust in

yourself even though all throughout life

and even in today's day and age and how

fast forward we have become even today

you still have their thoughts you still

have to battle with your own mind

believe it or not and with your negative

thought you know you're constantly

fighting against them and like I said to

you know before we started you know you

have a thought you sort of you sort of

have a negative thought if you like and

before you know it your negative

thoughts your your conscious mind

starting tell you something and before

you know you're not that's spiraled into

your hair before blonde conversations

with yourself you know you're sitting in

your car and you're home or whatever and

you're talking to yourself and you're

having this complex it's conversation

with yourself and you're sort of

fighting with yourself you know one

voice against another and I don't know

if that makes sense you know you sort of

fighting with yourself and you really

have to start to understand your thought

and that's one of the things

learn to do is understand my thoughts

and when I'm having a thought like that

I instantly think to myself okay this is

this is the right thought no it's not

and I'll stop put a stop to the Thornton

right away because you are in control of

your own thinking nobody else controls

it for you so you know what you are

thinking so if you start to realize that

you was thinking something that's hasn't

even happened you can stop that thought

right away when you stop it do you

replace it with something or replace it

yeah you have to replace it with

something positive say for example if

you're having an emotional thought let's

just say something bad happened you know

you you're on your way you've got a

parking ticket or you or something like

that you don that's a negative thing and

the first thing you do when you get a

parking tickets in your effing and

blinding station and and you know and

you know then that you know be from that

anger anything of blinding thinking that

you know it starts to escalate so if you

right away realize all and this is this

is not right it you know what's what

could be good about there having a

parking ticket and then think of

something that these positive factors

are negative so when you start to think

of something positive I'm an 18 it could

well be this you might have had a

parking ticket you might have grabbed a

parking ticket God to speak today

conductor or whatever I'm bumped into

somebody who you spontaneously you know

bumped into somebody who is we put your

right you know you and you might have

you know anything could have happened

with those gratitude in having a car

absolutely yeah yeah anything you know

anything but as long as you sort of

realize that you're having this negative

thought and without letting this spun

out of control with hundreds of other

thoughts stop it right away stop it and

change you to find a positive in that

negative like I said it could be that

you've got you could be grateful to you

you've got him you come to meet make a

meeting absolutely if that you know he

was worried about your parking ticket

then you might not have gone on to that

meeting and gain something

okay knowledge or whatever it is you

know so if there's always a positive in

a negative and that's what you have to

sort of learn to do it's not the easiest

thing in the world who is there but with

practice it becomes perfect that's

interesting because this is just

meanness or cancers effective

my family is taking members of my family

aways it's affecting my family some of

them now so a very negative connotation

towards cancer I sometimes put myself in

a position and think if I was to ever

get cancer or something but a particular

point I just can't help but think that I

will feel sorry for myself at some stage

have you ever felt that yeah you do as I

said that you know it's it's it's not

your normal yeah absolute normal you

know you can't control your thoughts to

a degree well you can you can't because

when something as severe as cancer or

other illness hit you you can't see any

way out so of course it's not so for

anybody to think you know how would I

feel

but as I said earlier on you know you we

are you are in control of your thoughts

as long as you don't put emotion into

something it can never happen it's only

emotion that creates your reality when

you paint a picture of what you want and

how you want your life to be your

conscious and your subconscious mind

doesn't know the difference between

right and wrong

it just doesn't know the difference it

only responds to what your want picture

you're painting it so when you're young

as I said you know your pet your parents

have painted how your picture is going

to be so your subconscious mind then

when your conscious mind then has to

build your life around your parents

picture or the picture that you've

created or they're created not just your

parent it's society its school

everything and anything after the sort

of ages 10 when you develop fully

develop your conscious mind after the

age of 10 anything after that is what

your picture has been built on based on

your school your parenting or and

society itself you know you have to sort

of try to understand your thoughts you

think there's a lot and as long as you

can control or though what you're

thinking you can always change it the

hardest part of changing something is

that you have to change all your soft

conscious if people understand what that

means if they don't then I went to

highly recommend

looking into that because it's a very

very powerful part of us it's a part of

our mind and can create reality for you

so if you don't understand what

subconscious is then I so strongly

suggest that you go out and listen to or

even you know we books on that if you

don't like reading like me listen to

audiobooks I love listening yeah

motivation you see and you can learn a

lot from it so that's what you really

have to do you have to sort of think

about what you're thinking about think

about what you're thinking about all the

time and then stop when you start it

when you start having it sort of a

negative thoughts stop that and then

think of a positive what could be the

positive thing what is it that you want

in life to change the picture that your

parents have built or society is built

for you changing that jigsaw your

conscious mind doesn't want to change a

jigsaw because you imagine you've made a

great massive jigsaw puzzle here and

you're trying to take the middle of that

jigsaw puzzle add and change it and how

hard would it be to change that jigsaw

puzzle so that's why your conscious mind

is constantly fighting with you to stop

you doing that any fight with you by

sending yeah but what if this happens

this is gonna happen this is gonna

happen and reality is just all you're

doing it fighting with you know else

isn't it yeah yeah so that's how you

sort of change you know reality that's

brilliant that's that's powerful

that's something actually that's for

anyone that is this and there's a book

called the chip paradox and he actually

explains it so it's quadratures paradox

of what he says is you have the chimp

which is your like your subconscious

through then you have a computer which

is kind of the logical side of you but

what he says is the chimp is more

powerful yeah and it's unless we control

this chimp whether it's through changing

our thought processes and the things

that we were taught to believe

absolutely absolutely then the chains

going to take over runs on it and that's

exactly what happens we do 95 90 95

percent of our society

and yeah yeah you like absolutely your

chip will always try to control what it

wants you to do but deep down if you

start to understand it anything is

possible but even having said that it's

not just his thoughts it's it's a

gratitude you have to put into thing

you know I mean I once all grateful for

I mean I can explain sort of you know

what my routine isn't when I get a bunch

of virtually the next thing so yeah yeah

the routine yeah so for myself what I do

when I get up in the morning my general

routine I mean on the early riser so

more put three o'clock in the morning

and one of the things I've learned and

I'll never ever do is put the snooze

button on now that I ever put snooze

button or people do that but that's not

a really a positive thing to do you know

you as soon as oh yeah my alarm goes off

I'm out of bed my feet hit the floor and

the first thing I do is I put my head

together and then I go thank you so much

for another day ahead of me and he's

feeling that gratitude of another day

whether that day is gonna be the same as

yesterday or not matters not it's

another day I listen to a lot of

affirmations in the morning as well so

when you get up in the morning what I

learned is that your subconscious mind

your conscious mind hasn't quite kicked

in so you're still in your subconscious

and state so when you start to feed your

subconscious state with positive

affirmations your day will flow

perfectly so first thing I'll do is of

government phone I'll put my headphones

on I'll get dressed and I start to play

affirmations positive affirmations or

even relaxing music just to calm I'm

like that and so while I'm going

testicle have a yeah you know I mean

I'll have a shower in the night in case

you think I think I've had a shower in

the night and so while I'm brushing my

teeth I'll still got this headset on so

I'll put 20 minutes or so I've got this

headset on listening to affirmations and

while I'm having breakfast on listen to

affirmations and I Drive to work

listening to an audiobook and um how

your mind works there's some great books

out there no doubt you've heard of many

of them I love listening to if you don't

mind the answer yeah actually you know

someone a box I mean I love listening to

Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hayden

I'm sure millions of poverty read a book

and the other book I think is fantastic

and people should really haven't

is the science of getting rich by what

is what'll again it's it's it's he

explained it's a science of game rich

and it's a great book to if you I mean

you can buy it but if you don't want to

buy it you can get on YouTube and in

listen to it so for forty minutes from

all the way to work on listening to D so

I'm always trying to feed my mind with

positive affirmations positive vibes all

the way to work and obviously once

you've done your work come back home on

my way back home I'm genuinely back on

for about seven in the morning so I'm

one ear out at the house for a few hours

and when I'm back home I take the dog

for a walk

another relaxing way to do that and then

I get when I'm when I'm home obviously a

boo gone to work by then and then I do

my meditation and we solved for the next

hour and so I sit there and I focus what

I want out of life and how I want my

life to be and so I do a meditation then

listen to some great meditation music

again you can get on YouTube if you

don't I use one called calm on iTunes it

is one that you have to pay for what

yeah it's absolutely fantastic I saw

many on there it's great but as I said

there's lots of free ones you know you

just have to find one that resonates

with you so once of a sort of listened

and once I've done my own meditation I

generally fall asleep for an hour song

two hours and so it's in a sort of fall

asleep for about a couple of hours and

then back up to ten o'clock I've started

to do exercises now when I hadn't before

even though when I was younger I spent a

lot of time exercising but when I got

here I sort of lost confidence in

xdesign so i starting to sort of carry

back into exercising nothing bank am but

i have so for ten o'clock consider do 20

minutes of sort of general exercise and

and and ice get on go about Monday I'll

start work about two o'clock again to

have two and once again I'll start I

only listen or try to listen to

audiobooks you know any kind of audio

Bob Proctor is another fantastic I mean

he's amazing you know I know he's on the

secret but he's so he's been doing this

for 50 years and he's somebody knows

what they're talking about

he is a man that knows what he's talking

about and so I listen to a lot and a lot

of his and audio books I listen to a lot

of time Roberts and again and does a

great motivator so I'm always listening

to these books and that awesome

whilst I'm at work I generally come home

around 1:00 to finished up getting home

for seven have a meal I try to relax by

watching not so much TV programs but

more very old-fashioned God programs if

you like and and the reason of watch

them is because it's it's it explains to

you that what we have now has always

been there but we just we just didn't

realize it so it's in resonates back to

you how you can move forward with what

we have well I've always had and the

generally don't got a bed and again once

again I've always got to sleep at night

and before I go to sleep I just be

thankful for my whole day you know I

think about all the the thing I've done

today even though my day routine is

generally the same and I might have met

somebody new there so I always sort of

gratitude to everything I have even my

meals or sit down and I'm you know you

when I say gratitude because he's

gratitude is part of development so if

you're not grateful for something then

how can you be grateful for what you

want to something so you really have to

be grateful for and I know there's lots

of people there's a wall I can't be

grateful until I get this box if that's

the way you're thinking as we spoke

earlier on you're only gonna get more of

what you're putting out so if you're

thinking I'm not grateful for something

your only your your subconscious mind

only sees that you're not grateful for

something and you know you're feeling

sad about something so he thinks ah okay

oh yeah it's not about this I'll give

you more of that so that's how your

content works and fall asleep again

listening to you

music until the next day I don't know

falling asleep so in the middle of the

night when this thing he's office still

got my head said oh we should take off

pretty so and then you know so that's my

daily routine every day yes it's almost

like the curse of cancer that came into

your life has always made your life

better totally think shame because it

that's it for me it took for me to get

ill to get where I am I mean you know I

had a business which and was almost gone

almost bankrupt me because I really

struggled but had it not been for what

I'd learned over the years I think that

I would have really got into it

depression but because of what I learned

over the years when I did have my

business and that didn't work as well as

I expected it to and it's just one of

them things and yes I worried a lot

about it and opera and Laura's worrying

in the family put up trying to keep it

away from them as well because I didn't

want them to feel under pressure to help

and there was absolutely fantastic you

know hats off to my family then they

stepped in and they sort of we worked

together and you know and it's another

thing that I think I should point out is

that when you have when you when you're

worried about something and even worried

about not telling your parents or

telling your family it's a wrong thing

to do because if your family is always

there to understand and support you and

just it's surprising how much taken just

just by taking or talking to somebody

how much of a burden you can take off

your shoulders and that's what I did you

see but just boy even though they didn't

sort of okay here we'll do this with

this but just talking to them took away

so much of my worries and but as I said

if it wasn't for what I've learned over

the previous year is about being

positive I wouldn't have come out of

that business feeling better for myself

and you know going on six or seven years

now more than that now here 10 years or

so moving forward 10 years you know I've

created another great business you know

I'm really happy within them and

progress it's always because you have to

prove you have to think of yourself and

your family and move forward with them

absolutely so a couple of good points

day is born obviously it's easier said

than done but we shouldn't have to wait

for a cancer or death or something you

know like these are simple things that

every single one of us on a daily basis

and so I ask this question can start to

do it's not gonna take us long to just

sit there for best part of two three

minutes and just think of all the things

we're grateful for every single morning

and it slowly become easier then

obviously throughout the day we'll

notice more and more things yeah and

then listening to positive stuff so

hopefully people listening to this can

just take on this now yeah rather than

have to wait for something bad in part

and then just live in this on what it's

almost like a bliss because you just

appreciate every single moment

absolutely right sometimes we will go

through life and six months torment

surpassed and you've never really lived

in the moment because you've won bin

anxious about the past and to you I saw

you anxious about the future until

you've been depressed about the past so

it's a dangerous place to be absolutely

it's almost like living in today you

also said talking to people so this is

something that I actually mentioned on a

previous podcast so I struggled with

anxiety struggled a lot with overwhelm

and similar to yourself I'm trying it

you look after my family I'm trying to

comfort my wife and my siblings and I

don't want to put the burden on them my

mom suffered in depression so she's

loved a best friend by the same time I

don't want to have any stress there as

well but then sometimes if it's too much

and I do speak to her yeah she doesn't

solve the problem but I felt so much

better which she feels better that I

could buy dinner yeah same with my

friends or my wife whoever I speak to it

talking is so powerful it's a massive

massive thing but as humans what I mean

connection speaking is it's part of us

and because the song takes a turn that

follows 24 so absolutely we will lose a

connection

absolutely I think you know that's again

like you said you know is you when you

talk into somebody somebody when you

hold it in yourself you're creating

nothing but bad feelings for yourself

but when you're let that energy out

you've it's almost as if you've left let

out and a massive ball of negative

energy you know that's how you got

acidity is a and you know and it's hard

sometimes understand you know certain 16

certain things in such a situation you

sometimes find it hard to

talk to somebody but the best way

forward and I've always found is that

you know if you can't talk to your

family then talk to somebody who's

confused you're close with you know just

take that off your chest and it makes

you feel so much better and your mind

will always fight you against it because

they want you to hold and I know it

sounds bad do you thinking to yourself

well why wouldn't my mind want to do

that for me and it's always one see it

always sort of and give you a picture of

oh yeah but if you if you told decent

I'm gonna do this ad singly and you know

you but you're creating something hasn't

even happened creating scenario you know

we're going back again you know creating

a picture of what you want if you want

if you want to if you finally difficult

to talk to somebody then imagine it in

your head and I know those who have read

and Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill

of one of the things he used to do was

he used to have a board meeting and with

some of the richest people in the world

in his head not physically with in your

head and I mean he could if you can

imagine something like that so and it's

easy to imagine thing you know you could

you can imagine something like like just

like that if I said to you now think of

a pink elephant instantly you'll be

thinking of a pink elephant if you're

saying stick your face in the kitchen

you'll be thinking of that so you can

create emotion to that yeah absolutely

absolutely without emotion there's lots

of elements that you have to put

together for the law of attraction to

work emotion is one of them gratitude is

another one the positive thinking is

another one and individually you know

image in your head and what you want

your life to be is another one when you

start to combine these things together

that's when your life starts to change

of people using this Lord of Attraction

has changed in life totally change your

life around within 12 months just by I

mean it takes 30 days to create the

thing is with life itself which we've

created habits and hobbies can be

changed it takes time to change habits

but habits can be changed

I love that and the final point I just

want to add to that is you mentioned a

business that you've just started that

you're very happy with we have another

business because we've got the products

on there it's probably packed in one of

these boxes now because we're moving

house not okay

joining just share that briefly just

with the ordinance a lot when I first

heard about it I was like that's quite

an innovative is quite interesting okay

straight away can you just starting from

scratch sure yeah yeah and others here

do I do my full time I guess it's a job

but it's not job because he's still

self-employed and do my parcel business

but always wanted to be sort of an

online trader so what I started to do

was I looked at ways I can make money

online Amazon was a biggest platform so

I was learned how to sort of started

looking more into how Amazon works and

so I learned how to through their

learning program and he can learn Lee to

Amazon sort of learned how to sell

products on Amazon and that's what I'm

moving forward with and I've got a

product on there now which and which is

aromatherapy oils but he's one of them

things that sort of well it's a bit of a

risk to take but again if you want

something to happen you have to have a

positive outcome of it and so I started

to understand and learn a lot about

Amazon and how they were what what to do

and learnt the course

they've had to promote the product how

where to find a product had to get

product once I understood all that I'm

still learning from it's not something

that yeah fully understood I'm still

learning from them I started as I said I

imported my first product and it's been

great you know really has my wife uses

it I think that's actually okay yeah it

is a great product done yeah just on

that as well so soft and you hear people

thinking they can't do nothing we have

all these limiting beliefs and they see

what we can do in life and yeah you just

thought okay I wanted to start a

business and you probably wouldn't you

probably just figured it out along the

way yeah you are not selling a product

unless that's a lesson to anyone like if

this is something you want with the

right mindset and then obviously the

action nothing impossible without action

you know you it's no good having the

oldest mindset yeah positive thinking

when you take no action you you know you

have to take action if it's something

there's some

looking to do you know sell online it

doesn't have to be Amazon there's lots

of other platforms on there

I chose Amazon because I was on is deep

Biggie's platform to sell and I chose

Amazon because I found it you can I can

I don't have to store the product at all

I'll send it to their warehouse

everything they deal with a moment yeah

absolutely and their fulfillment center

that deal with the customers they deal

with the returns of course anything that

is returned luckily for me I finally had

one product returned in all the ones

that have sold and then they they

contact you so you have nothing you know

that this is the biggest fear with

people they think well how can I start

oh I'm Christie what about customer

series what about this but this with

Amazon they deal with all that with you

yeah of course they target fee which is

understandable but you have to find a

product then you can now incorporate all

that and you can make and still make a

profit out of it you know you you know

you could there's lots of people on

Amazon that making great massive massive

monthly incomes and it's it is possible

and you just have to trust in yourself

to do it and that's the hardest thing

trusting yourself

if it's something that you know it's for

the listeners if something that you're

passionate about then use that product

use that as a product absolutely I want

you to put that in there because I've

seen you use the product as well yeah so

it's not like a shameless plug or any

yeah yeah it's inspiring because if I

ask someone say for instance my dad or

my own course or something do that the

first thing that says all are configured

I don't know about the internet and we

have a lot of people in the audience we

just automatically have exclusive

straightaway absolute is always it's

just refreshing to hear somebody just

say you know what what it actually shows

that everything you're putting in

practice in your daily routines like the

affirmation is opposed to thinking yeah

you put it into practice any practice or

you foods I think that's the thing with

all the community because I mean I'm 53

and if I can make changes at 53 people

at that age if not younger

I mean exactly majority to prepare

people you know once they get past forty

forty five to think that's it I think

the life is over

you can't progress you can't learn you

the game started yeah it's just starting

and I just gain started don't let

things top of you because when you're

young you have a whole you could you got

your whole life in front of you when

you're 40 your passport you're getting

close to 50 you think that you've only

got a few years but just in a few years

if you with the right mindset it just

within a few years you can change the

whole life around if that's what you

want being all free absolutely people

are living longer now resolve of course

yeah yeah definitely Brit okay thank you

for that so we spoke about diversity

quite a bit and we spoke obviously the

business stuff we spoke about the

personal health problems as well if you

could just choose one of your biggest

lessons that you've learned from that

experience so I'm going that you had the

mindset of something but if you can just

say to somebody maybe who's experienced

in it now or going through term or

whether it's cancer or any other illness

if you can just give them one lesson

that you've taken from that situation I

would say that you know just as hard

when giving that situation but just try

to see things as I say just try and look

at the light at the end of the tunnel

you know just try to focus on you

getting better you moving forward you

wanting the thing that you want instead

of focusing on something and I

understand that it's hard because I've

been there and but just try to listen

and the best way did it one of the other

things I absolutely love doing is I love

listening to music that I love because

he just makes you feel so much better

so if you are going through a tough time

listen to your favorite song don't lose

sight of you joy yeah something that you

enjoy listening to listen to a rock so

you know not so much a rock song in the

sense of rock song I mean something that

has a fantastic you know I always find

that that helps me to feel better so and

yeah you know just just try to stay

positive really you know it's a tough

situation to be more you just have to

learn to stay positive

yeah that's brilliant thank you for that

I'm in this particular moment right this

second what is your biggest fear and

fear is another to say this now because

fear is just a thought it's just thought

that can be told controlled when you

have a fear you can always change your

feeling too and on

so I try to avoid having a fear because

I'm not saying don't not worried about

anything I'm always worried about the

future and have I done enough too but

when I pass how I done enough on this

earth for those were living here now for

when I pass that means my biggest

concern blooded and I fear because I

think when you use the word fear I don't

know a lot of people do but I from what

I've learned one of the things I

understand these learn to understand

these fear it's just a word it's a word

that's used by everybody

so when somebody uses the word fear you

instantly think the worst of something

so no no that's not what you wanted to

hear but I think that they when you use

the word fear you sort of think of the

worst but to me don't think of the way

fear and it's hard not to but don't

think of me think of something think of

it as a unless fear forward if you like

but yeah well my biggest concern is how

about done enough on earth and for those

coming okay that's one of my biggest

interested and has that purpose of yours

that why without motivation to leave the

world given as much as usually has that

only stemmed since again that I don't

want to keep touching on it but they

Hansard incident absolutely yeah yeah

yeah and that's interesting because a

lot of people I find that go through

adversity in life or have been through

hardship they almost become selfless and

they just want it almost in that moment

when they're so great for this stuff

they want to give back more yeah yeah I

think before that we kind of do live a

selfish life yeah absolutely because I I

was kind of selfish I only really

thought about myself I didn't even

though I've respected what my pen said I

would kind of well my life I could do

what I like or no and even you know

going back down I remember my father

sitting me down once and he went and he

said you know you're going down the

wrong path because I started getting

involved with the wrong people he said

you're gonna shame us and he was like

that backing when I was growing up he

said you're gonna put shame on us and

you're gonna end up in prison because he

thought I was gonna end up in prison and

but I you know I was not but I wanted to

do what I want to do

care about that I just want to do what I

want to do for what I dye my hair with a

dime appears like yeah you can't stop me

even though respecting him when I didn't

do a pop it was one of the thoughts of

him that was going through her head and

so ya can say for me cancer was the

biggest biggest thing that changed and

maybe that's what I needed

you know things they were say the things

come for a reason maybe that is what I

needed

that's a wake-up call this is why I

actually love like I love dis as part of

my job because I get to meet people at

you and without having to go through the

pain and that you've been through yeah

it inspires me so much like this is

inspiring but I have sometimes will be

talking and I'll be like episode 4

so-and-so said this how dare I feel

sorry for myself

yeah I'm it doesn't get me through the

day and I'll always think I'm blessed

because when I'm gonna have him speak to

somebody I always get to meet a new

friend and a new person that I form a

relationship and then it just changed my

perspective because I'm like I'm so much

more grateful even now just for like

health see you perfectly because he's

just pointed it out you know you was

having there we're gonna use the word

negative again we're having daily

thought about something and yet you

instantly realized you was and then

change it into something positive by

saying about somebody such as 50 cents

or how dare I

and it's absolutely like you know this

there's so many people in this world

that are worse off than you yeah you

know you other than those who are

homeless and you know this is one of the

things I want to do and as I get better

and better and you know be able to do it

is to help the homeless because unless

you're homeless and God not you if a

long as you go roof of your hand yes

it's always tough if you haven't got a

job and I know it's a big thing and a

big concern but yeah if you got a roof

over you should be grateful

always be playing with without gratitude

absolutely can't move forward and I

think I think that's that's a brilliant

point I think it's something though we

do have to do every day because again

adversity everything he goes for

everyone's life and I've had moments

when but death happens all of a sudden

for that month but you're you you're

grateful for everything and you know

life's too short please share everything

but then you get very quickly back into

their old habits happy so that's why I

always read

it should be like a day absolutely you

touch on the homeless thing so I'm I'm

very fortunate my parents are very like

loving people so we foster children and

it's laughs okay well you're my sister

then we adopted and my mom tried to

adopt every single kid that coming to

the house and laughs there's no room in

the house so I've got like three white

siblings and we've got Asian sister as

well was adopted and seeing them and

seeing like their issues in terms of

like disabilities there were

malnutrition when they first came there

Testament disorders it made me so

grateful like it changed my whole life

so I gave good-paying jobs to become

like a social worker to effectively

change the world and it changed but then

what happened was when I got married and

I moved into my house here we're sitting

today yeah

don't my siblings I think about them

every single day but I don't live with

them every day to end that feeling of

gratitude every single day okay

whereas before I never had to remind

myself please job like this a nice thing

poor Kyle he might never be able to

drive a car he'll never be able to do

this yeah and he used to make me feel

grateful yeah so it is something I think

like anything like if you don't look

after your health every single day it's

gonna deteriorate absolutely I think we

should always try and I think that's the

biggest issue and you get to a certain

stage and when you're happy with your

life you tend to start to forget about

that is you know just another quick

point is you know it's not a religious

thing or I don't want to win anybody

here but when when something bad you

never think about God you go about your

day to day business but when something

bad happens you straight away you're

going and pray to God you know God is

there every single day yet you forget

and I know most people don't but the

majority do you know they forget that

he's there every day and I even though

I'm not a I'm a spiritual person and you

know it doesn't matter what you are deep

down with all the same so when you have

to pray to somebody then pray to them

every day if you want to if you feel

that God is your way forward and then

pray to God every day be thankful to him

that you got me walk every day not just

a day that you're feeling down or you

find a bad day or you've lost your cat

you lost your dog or anything else you

know every single day should be a day

where you grateful with gratitude 100%

you alcohol I think that's beautiful

message I think it's something that I'm

probably cure you have I remember as a

kid man if I thought was gonna get in

trouble bug my parents

like God please get me through this day

never do it again I'm sure we've all

kind of done yeah I thought okay

brilliant so we're actually at the fun

part of the show is what I called it so

it's again quickfire round of 60 to 90

seconds depending when I apply you out

basically I just random questions okay

are we all ready yeah okay we're gonna

go in three two one

if you could abolish one thing in the

world what would it be oh yeah your

favorite beer butter oh yeah your

biggest role model Oh baby what would

you like to be remembered for the good I

did your biggest goal this year to be

successful and help us your worst

mistake not doing Eternia if you could

relive one day again what day would it

be the very first day I was born

the ability to fly or be invisible

invisible the number one thing that

annoys you but habits and when your fame

neither your proudest moment my children

your favorite food

got a visual icing chicken would you

rather speak or languages or speak to

animals what's your favorite song at the

club by the Drifters and if you had an

extra hour a day how would you spend it

meditating Netflix or YouTube Netflix

and the final question is the number one

piece of advice you would give to your

children just be yourself okay brilliant

so we're approaching towards the end of

the show now and just two more questions

that I always like to ask my guest the

next one's about reflection I saw this

is in hindsight obviously we learn ways

where we can get to places quicker with

less heartache or by saving money for

example so if you could go back knowing

everything that you know now and all

your words of wisdom and everything that

we've spoken about in the show to a

younger time when maybe you were

confused or going through a time where

you had no clarity in your life yeah and

you can just whisper something in the

younger piece yeah yeah did you say gone

back if I had and I think that this may

you know I was thinking these yes now

even though I would tell myself that the

future is what you create the Tippie so

if you want your future to be better

paint that picture in your head and

that's what I would whisper to myself

paint the picture of how you want your

life to be and it will create it

that's Brittany I think the more waters

the develop my dream and stuff as well

that's more what I try and do is I like

vision board and stuff and I think I

think maybe as children as well we do

that but there's somewhere between

childhood when you've got that innocence

to growing up yeah we tend to lose it I

think the vision boards are fantastic

and I think that a great thing to have

because it gives you a idea of how you

want your life to be but the whole time

to that to that is when somebody makes a

vision board they forget that they can

change that vision board and once you've

looked at it a few times it's just there

sitting on the wall of what I tend to do

is I've read my goals every morning I'll

have a book written in there what I want

my average day to be like and I read the

book everything is pretty detailed of

how I would like to be and I sit down

and read it and if there's something a

lot I don't like in it I always draw it

out and change it and I think with

things like vision boards and even

though I did a great thing like I said

but vision boards is a massive picture

of you know I feel Bree wants to be

multi millionaire and they know we're

near there it's it's an image where you

think well I'm not gonna get there but

if you take small steps because vision

boards can be expanded it can be changed

but I think people when who make vision

boards are I'm not sure about yourself

of people who make vision boards tend

not to change it so then look at it once

or twice

literally for a month or so after that -

forget the vision boards he's there but

you know going forward it's not it's not

a bad thing I'm not saying would you

recommend them having a two year goal

it's about building confidence so if

you're gonna like your goal down for

yourself or goals down for yourself and

you've written a goal to say let's just

say for argument's say you're gonna have

a million pound in a year and people do

like gods like now because the thing -

what if I could create anything or

agreat that create that I'm not saying

it can't be created but if y'all haven't

but if you're not if you're not in line

with your positive thinking creating

that video path is going to be difficult

but if you say to yourself I want to

create a slightly similar goal so say a

few sectors up I want to

10,000 pounds a month 10,000 pound a

month is far achievable easily

achievable because your work hard racket

absolutely once you achieve your 10,000

pounds a month you've put it and have a

booster then draw your goal pika make it

twenty thousand their next month and you

know no no there's lots of people out

there don't think well I want to be a

millionaire and I want to beat in a year

and but you didn't learn to speak and

you didn't know how long did it take you

to learn to walk how long did it take

you to do things now you know just

generally to do things it takes 12 years

for you to go through school and learn

all the things in school you're not

going to become successful in a year

well I'm not so don't get me wrong sorry

I apologize for that it's not you're not

going to be your mindset isn't bright

guitar pitch there won't be a nominees

that will obviously do it for the vast

majority of us we have to develop one a

sphere is changing one our mindset one I

help everything needs a line is have

yeah and we need to increase the

confidence and our skill set in all of

those yeah and one of the things that I

I suppose I've suffered with I saw I

don't do vision boards myself is that no

people do is when I used to have these

big goals

somewhere along their journey if you're

trying to be like an entrepreneur trying

to find your way life yeah when you

realize how far you are from you goes

you become very dissatisfied to me and

trying to think of the right words for

it be they the lack of motivation yeah

because you think I'm just so far away

from it and even though you might have

come so far the J yank yeah you forget

how far you've come because you're

looking to have my uni hero

so this is what I'm saying about vision

boards you see because

vision boards are a great thing but if

you're making a vision board and your

journey is to be you know a super

successful entrepreneur but you're only

here you're not seeing absolutely how

you come you you're looking at that and

you you kind of can't get demotivated

because you know with anything it can't

be change but if you're making a goal

that stopped being absolute but you're

here so that's why that's my advice

no I think that's great advice is so if

we use the analogy that Iowa

I can relate to very quickly is health

and fitness so everyone wants a six-pack

in just absolutely the number one

question I always get a song that's

absolutely fine we can get you a

six-pack we can help you but it starts

with one rep in the gym

yeah starts with you going to the gym

that one day yeah and you can't ever get

there any quicker no matter how much you

would have to do that rip

yeah then unfortunately you have to do a

lot of them reps and yeah you can't just

do one on one day you can't just sit

here for 24 hours or let's do sit-ups

another city like the world it's a

process and it's about understanding

that so yeah I think that's it it's a

pretty answer good answer and that

certainly actually brings us to the last

question and the last question is if in

150 years science fails to save us and

none of us are here and it's just

hopefully my podcasts by then all that

remains is a book and this book is about

you everything in your life or the good

things you've done or the wonderful

things and all the people's lives you've

touched and everything yeah what would

the back of the book tell us to make

somebody want to pick it up about you

and also what would the title be well I

think if I was who write a book the

title of my book would have to be a car

you say Think and Grow Rich but

something along the lines you know

thoughts I would say I would say it's

hard to sort of define them an actual

name for the Papa I would say something

along the lines of use your thoughts

well think carefully and think about

what you want you know it's hard to

define a name think carefully that's

that's quite interesting yeah it's sort

of something along them lines and with

the back of the book create the life

that you want by thinking history you

know think about how you painted a

picture painting an image on your life

create an image of how you want what you

like to be it's hard to sort of it's

fine to be honest I think everything

that you've said in this episode has

kind of told us about the nerve of it

yeah and I think the probably the most

important thing like you said it's think

carefully yeah because you realized

through your trials in tribulations is

that if your thought processes that

manifesto LSU and make your existence

and everything but yeah I think that's

the biggest thing really you know when

you're somebody's gonna pick something

up they're gonna think about what they

are doing what about you as a person how

would you how would you want to be

remembered I would like to be remembered

as somebody who did

dividing therefore everybody you know

did the right thing for those who are

less fortunate or try to do the wrong

thing I think yeah that's brilliant

thank you I think that's a great answer

and I'm just a final note so we are

gonna put your Amazon link in for your

visit I think you definitely should

definitely if people are interested in

them

so it's it's an oil it's a variation all

Roma therapy oils basically they're the

natural products there there's no

artificial cooling or the field

additives in it and they can be used for

your health purposes there's cárdenas as

well and he tells you what you can what

the purpose of these are and so each oil

can be used for various things I mean I

use the head of tose so there's a and

there's an oil in there kiddo and I

think it is that same as witch witch

hazel if you're cruising if thought it

actually takes your pain away but I

don't have anything okay so and again

I'll use the oils to put in the Steam

Mop just a few tops fantastic you could

use them in diffuser so there's many

uses for them yeah I got my wife as well

yeah and alongside that are you on

social media as well is there a way or

would you be open to banners connecting

with yourself and yeah I mean if anybody

you know wants any answers or questions

always take on anything then yeah cool

so I I am on social media on Facebook

I'm not a big these further Facebook you

know yeah I think it's just a good point

of call because there could be somebody

who behind closed doors may have

resonated a certain part of your story

may be struggling with it may be going

for the exact same thing yeah and this

is another thing the whole point of this

podcast is to let people know they're

not alone yeah so the story that you're

going through I'm gonna be going through

about a million other people who yeah

this is what it's about and it's always

nice when you can get somebody on the

show he's in a much better place then

yeah yeah and that's the point is artist

so in that function enough when we're

going through all the emotions and stuff

and we think there is no light at the

end of the tour like I thought you know

actually all of my guests have

demonstrated there is like it is here

that's what it's about

fantastic so brilliant so we're I just

wanted this moment once again just to

thank you for your time today and

sharing your story into the listeners at

home I gotta listen

it's for that play to be here and

remember this podcast is absolutely free

so all we asked in return is for you to

share this with a friend and drop us a

five star review over on iTunes

have an awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to deal with Fear #27

Mon, 24 Jun 2019 04:55:55 GMT

How to deal with Fear #27 by Aren Deu

Tagline: "Wouldn't life be great if we wasn't scared of anything?"

So I recently realised, that our brain is wired for survival not happiness. This definitely hit home when I sat there a few weeks ago and thought "Wouldn't it be incredible if I wasn't afraid of anything".

As a result of realising that this wasn't feasible I felt I had to then learn to monitor it and control it. Seeing as fear will never go away, we need to try to at least live with it or else we are going to be a constant wreck of nerves, worry and stress. And on that note, remember the famous quote? "It's not hard work that will kill you, its stress".

I hope this short episode adds some value and the 3 tips at the end and explanation around Fear help move you forward and at least reduce your fear, worry or panicking by a little.

I also want to thank you all for helping support this incredible podcast. Please do reach out over social media and let's connect and continue to push this movement forward.

P.s. remember any new reviews on iTunes, just send me a screenshot either on twitter, Instagram or to my email and ill send you the diet and gym plan as promised. It will likely be a 7-day window due to the volume of listeners.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How Society affects teenagers today #26

Mon, 17 Jun 2019 04:55:00 GMT

"How Society affects teenagers today" by Balraj Purewal #26

Tagline: "These are the broken pieces of the puzzle that you still end up piecing together.."

Life has moved on so quickly and within the space of a generation our world is now seen through a phone, almost 24/7. In fact I can't recall the last time I went out myself and didn't snap, Instagram or Facebook a status update.

But for the youth of today they experience larger problems and issues, such as seeking external validation, comparison amongst peers and so often finding themselves missing the beauty of the presence.

It is with this I decided to interview a teenager to show us, and give us a first insight into the life of a teen today. He explains very eloquently the struggles, the good the bad and the types of challenges he is presented with daily, amongst other teens.

He is a poet at a heart, currently studying at my favourite university (no bias), whilst trying to figure out where he fits in the world amongst figuring out the intent of other people.

We speak about many things in this episode that I really enjoyed recording such as:

Intent
Importance of internal validation
Being true to yourself
Finding your voice
Working hard
Using social media for what it is today

A guy who is wise beyond his years and someone I believe will go on and achieve his dreams in the world today, I urge you all to show him some support and follow his journey below:

P.s. remember any new reviews on iTunes, just send me a screenshot either on twitter, instagram or to my email and ill send you the diet and gym plan as promised. It will likely be a 7-day window due to the volume of listeners.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Links to guest:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_b.purewal/ (Personal)

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/word___art/ (Poetry)

Snapchat: B.purewal

Have an awesome day & #JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice

YouTube Transcription:

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren do what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aren and as always I am the

host of this show so today I'm gonna be

bringing you our youngest ever guest on

the show now I was a little bit

skeptical if I'm completely honest of

having somebody so young coming out to a

show like find your voice because find

your voice generally speaking it's

people who have gone through adversity

gone through obstacles and problems and

then all of a sudden I sat back and I

thought hold on a second this is the

exact kind of person we need on this

show because I'm sitting here and almost

making this judgment which is again

showing something that I need to be

aware of and learn from that people

going through their teenagers and going

into transition into adulthood

haven't got a voice and that's not what

I wanted the show to be about so anyway

I'm gonna be completely honest he over

delivered in fact he was the star of

this show and I'm very grateful that he

shared his experience because there's so

many things he mentioned in this episode

that made me kind of think back to how

easy I suppose my life was growing

through that transition and many of us

listening to this because I checked the

demographics are a lot older than

barrages and we never had to go through

the social media constraints and the

problems and that external validation

that these children and teenagers are

going through today so it's a very very

good episode in terms of one for anyone

who's going through this transition are

you the teenagers who are hopefully

trying to get to listen to this show to

inspire and motivate

but more importantly it's just as

important for us slightly older people

who maybe forgot what it was like grow

no to hear somebody's perspective or how

different life is so we talked a lot

about intent we talked about the types

of people that you come across in life

but we also talk about some stuff that

just really blew my mind that I was

talking to a teenager especially when I

think back to what I was like growing up

because I was not this emotionally away

that I was just figuring it out and it

gained that last bit there figuring it

out is something that we go on to talk

about quite a bit in this episode

because irrespective of where you are in

this journey in this wonderful thing

called life we're always just trying to

figure it out so hopefully you find this

useful especially towards the end of the

show because his last two answers were

incredible and they were very poetic and

then I happen to realize that he has a

poetry account on Instagram which kind

of made sense so a kid with a huge

future ahead of him I'm very grateful

that I've managed to tap into the

younger demographics as well I'm very

grateful for Barrett this time and I

hope you all really enjoy this episode

so without further ado let's jump into

it okay people I just like to start this

show by welcoming bowrage to the show

and thanking all the listeners for

tuning in today how you doing today my

friend yeah I'm not too bad not too bad

Oh better runs well thanks I let me come

on the show oh you're very welcome my

friend so I think to start this show I

think it's really important that the

listeners get to know you a little bit

so if you would have mind if you can

just kind of give us a brief

introduction into the life of Berridge

please yeah well so obviously I went to

around four primary schools already

remember too much about it if I'm honest

I mean I'm the whole guys created for

one but then as I went along we moved

house quite a bit went to one school

that was pretty racist I was like what

like the third brown person there so it

was like I was getting called like the P

word most of the time and I was like

what the hell's going on so being quite

young in primary school didn't really

enjoy primary school too much because

always like an outsider don't know if it

was because I was moving so much or

maybe I just wasn't people's kind of

guided which is not a problem and then I

don't know what just literally got into

high school and then I was like well I

don't want that happening again it's not

something one happening teenage hormones

are last like kicking in you know that

was raging

different kind of world with high school

you thinking what's going on here I've

learned

really from lucky s7 I mean if if I'm

honest when I was in the s7 array I was

bit of know a kid or what Liars used to

end up in isolation call hi a lot I'm

not sure well I am sure why but I feel

like the school was quite strict as well

so any little minor thing I did would

basically be picked up on which is not a

bad thing I guess it took me to mature

much quicker and this just kind of

lasted to around year 10 I was like well

it ain't about who's got the biggest the

biggest this the biggest bat who can do

this who can do that because the reality

doesn't make any difference at all it's

just you can crack on with themselves

and look after themselves and then when

I got to about year 11

it just kind of semi just came out of my

shell bit more because you know kind of

a person that it loves to talk to people

I'm not sure why always been my thing

you know

even now this like being on the podcast

I read messaging you know I just love

talking to people

stead of me being stuck to my fault I'm

well I just beat somebody okay I can

intake this knowledge from you how can I

apply this to my life oh you can do it

like this so like Erin you may say to me

I'll do it this way and I may not even

sing this other perspective because I

maybe so maybe I don't know deleted with

my own which is better for me to realize

obviously social media you know the

phones are great but sometimes a lot of

people just end up stuck to it even

myself at times well of course yeah but

it was weird because in s7 like good on

words high school wise I always thought

to myself I am I'm not fitting in it

doesn't make any sense why can I not do

what they're doing why can I not do what

the older people I did not realize and I

should have enjoyed it more in the

moment so I was okay cool that's not a

problem and then as soon as I started to

come up my shell but yeah 11 time you

know starts being two more people it was

like a lot more people were coming to me

came to six form where it was pretty

much the biggest change definitely fully

came out my child say I'm you know not

in a cocky way oh I'd say I'm quite

talkative bubbly loving and caring

person mm-hmm so I guess it's kind of

came with some baggage as well because I

couldn't even realize with somebody that

was trying to maybe mess me around in

front of my face

I want to realize because I think they

have the same heart as me hmm so I

wouldn't even realize anything like that

and then obviously you know that you

live and learn obviously as you growing

up and I think for teenagers now it's

hard because everybody's trying to

sorry for the language but fuck each

other over unless they're really genuine

because they're like oh I have this or

my dad's got this my mom's got this what

does yours has what does your has yours

have I've got this PlayStation you don't

have it oh you don't have it why not or

you know just the little - things which

is you know it's no part of general

going on but I guess you don't realize

that until you actually do start to grow

up and like me going up into a man no

bit of an awkward age at the moment 19

kind of in the middle teenager turned

into a young actual man now if you know

me like 18 years the normal designated

age anyways for when they say you were a

young adult voice you're still in that

in between mm-hm if you know what I mean

and then yeah like obviously then I went

to uni as well so just finished my first

year basically thought I'd stay out

first year get a bit more independence

and you know again actual experience of

like the halls or whatever like you know

how everybody hyped up or whatever and

it was great experience met some amazing

people really amazing people some people

with some really good hearts but you

meet some give me some weird ones as

well it's really weird people you know

some people may just want to use and

abuse some people actually may want to

hang around with you or some people just

want to distract you so you've just got

to make sure that you stay true to

yourself and keep with a good heart at

all times

so it seems that until at least

University you were trying to one figure

out who you are but to also figure out

how people are and I suppose especially

with the last one it doesn't really

change I mean I'm a little bit older

than you but I still go through that

situation where I'm still trying to

figure out why people are the way they

are or why certain people don't act the

ways for instance that I act so I will

always go in with good intentions and

then all of a sudden you'll realise that

other people's intent isn't necessarily

the same as yourself so I suppose a

piece of advice having gone through that

probably a little bit more than yourself

is just try and at least be wary of

people's intent because some people

might come across as almost like the

greatest people that you've ever seen

but then you will find later on once

they get what they need to extract from

you as a person you'll find they'll kind

of disappear so that's just kind of like

a piece of advice but you touched on

some prevalent things that I can

definitely

think about when I was a kid so

especially in the Punjabi culture the

whole drinking and how much can you

drink it's a purely ego thing 100% I

fell into that I fell into almost

damaging my health at the fact of I need

to keep up with people when I drink

where is now I'd like to think of myself

as slightly more matured if I don't

fancy a drink I would just say that's

enough for me and I'll kind of walk away

from it but again it's a learning lesson

a few points I've just made not of as

well that I want to just touch on so you

were always a naughty kid and you're

always I mean you've got yourself

excluded for trying to bite somebody's

nose but then all of a sudden things

started to change and you said something

which I thought was quite important and

it was you opened up and the moment you

started to open up you felt people start

to gravitate towards you more I just

want this in relation to that then was

that a sort of force thing or was that

just you thinking okay there's no point

me just being this shy person when I

have so much more to show to the world

obviously I was looking at other people

thinking how are they doing this why so

many people coming to them I'm just you

know I'm worrying too much about other

people now you know I actually need to

listen unlike for me and I've always

been quite open anyways quite if I want

something or if I want a fun one and

know something or I want to say

something

I will say because I just get that off

my parents as well because if they want

to say something they'll just say they

don't they don't be around the bush I

don't see the point either because then

you're just passing around make it more

fuss than need to be so then literally I

just try to be myself and I was like

okay this about in the year 11 more in

six form was around a lot of people are

coming to me and I was like okay this is

a bit weird I don't really know how to

handle this and what I found was it just

came with a lot of baggage as well

because a lot of people were coming to

me but I was like even me me being a

dumb ass at times I want to realize that

some people are just there to use me for

popularity or whatever it was and it's

okay though because like I learned from

it like it made me learn that some

people like you you don't need to hang

around with these people all the time

you don't need to hang around with a

popular crowd it just doesn't make a

difference we should be working towards

better in the world absolutely I think

that's a valid point and just on that

basis you just reminded me of something

that you said earlier as well so you

said initially obviously you find it

difficult to fit in and then you said

which is

a problem like literally straight after

and I thought I was that was quite a

clever point that you made plus it also

shows your intelligence that you're

thinking a lot differently because at

that age it is all about fitting in it

is all about being the coolest kid on

the block getting the most likes on

Instagram and being that that kind of

person what I want to ask you is when

you start to be yourself and things were

more positive and obviously you know is

this and you've just explained it do you

know why you wasn't yourself prior to

that I just think are always quite since

since being young I've always been quite

observant a bit more like bit or not

always been an awful thinker I'm not

sure why I just I've always thought that

I need to be doing more than I need then

I am or I need to be doing pair but you

can't be because like that's that's

where I got to university now and I've

only just realized now that you can't be

perfect in everything you do and me

being like a lot of perfectionist when I

was in school you know I was about to

get the best grades etc you know GCSE

was okay you know six form I did quite

well and I just thought you could be

perfect but as a human you just can't be

perfect so then I started to realize

just be myself I'm always gonna have my

flaws as everybody else will have the

floors it just depends who wants to stay

with you and still accept your flaws and

accept you you want 100 percent I think

you just hit the nail on the head there

as humans you can't be perfect there is

no such thing as perfect and this is one

of the things that I suppose even when I

started this podcast it was to show

people look I'm just a shy person I'm an

anxious person even in this conversation

with yourself on making mistakes um for

getting my words and stuff as well and

sometimes it's about embracing your

vulnerabilities your weaknesses and then

next time just trying to be a little bit

better so I think that's a very good

lesson for anyone in your situation and

just I'm gonna finish it actually on

another thing that you mentioned as well

which was when you said in relation to

how people may not have the same intent

as you is that it's okay you learn from

it and it sounds easier in hindsight but

I think if we can all take our

experiences your life not not as a

personal attack but more as a sort of

learning experience I think it helps

your mental sanity a lot more so I've

had people for example where a similar

situation to yourself where I'm thinking

why hasn't that worked out or why is the

person acting in this way that you know

a normal person wouldn't think is

ethical

or the right way and rather than

dwelling on that and then thinking I'm

not worthy of receiving a good person in

my life what I do is I take that as a

lesson and I think okay fair enough that

person's got what they wanted out of

this relationship but next time I'll

have more experience and I'll be wiser

from it and if a similar type of person

comes along I will know to move on away

from that situation if that makes sense

yeah like even what I said like it's

like even whoever is it can only be a

lesson a blessing or like you know like

they're there for life whether it's a

friend or a family member

absolutely absolutely so we've touched

on University and how you've developed

in terms of one trying to find out

exactly who you are you feel a lot more

comfortable now in the way that you are

you've slid into my DMS you happily

speak into other people I think that's a

great way that we should be in the world

especially coming from a very shy person

I wish I had the confidence just to kind

of put my hand out or just smile at

people openly in the world because even

through my very short experience on this

podcast I've met some incredible people

and I realize that I'm at my happiest

when I'm connecting with people and when

I'm getting on with people so I think

it's fantastic that you're doing that at

such a young age what have you done

since University or what are you looking

to now achieve moving forward in life

moving forward obviously on your first

year Aston University doing business

management great unique kind of the

typical thing probably I'd be void yes I

want IT typical thing but all in all

from young always like I'm just always

wanting to be self-employed it's not

that like okay it's decent working for

people if they give you decent benefits

but what I find is that if you can

control your own destiny and you can

build what you want to build him it may

not be something that you know now like

even me I'm still like what do I do

do I go this way do I go that way it's

still not no but I guess there's still

time to figure it out it's not like life

is short but it's also long as well and

you know there is some days but you'll

be lazy and there's some days where you

just don't have a clue what you do but

it's like pretty much everybody's faking

it until they can make it basically in

their own ways which is not a bad thing

how can everybody know what's going on

really because then really trying to

figure themselves out figure where their

foundations are in the world for me I

want to build my sample the best I can

my parents have allowed me to have a lot

of freedom and it's right like even

people come up to me

whyyou moment that's all like cool with

you what like that my dad is my dad

he'll know when to tell me like straight

to the point

but he'll even have a conversation with

me like we're like best friends wish I

look and the same thing I can do with my

mama's also you know I'm glad that had

parents like that got two lovely sisters

as well you know they're growing up now

you don't even realize how much they're

growing up until you actually see them

you thinking that how did you get taller

it's all a crazy one even myself I look

in the mirror I think where did this

beard come from I always wanted to be at

this person's got a beard why can I have

one but they just comes in your own time

as everything does absolutely unlike for

myself you know I think for the Barrett

barrage I am today like I would say for

myself I'm a loving caring humble but

more selective person based on the

experience that I've already had because

life is already hard as it is life's

already the responsibility is gonna

start ended up piling up anyways so

there's no point it would be negative

you could have just got to try be as

positive as possible absolutely I think

that's really well said and this

actually helped me massively my mindset

and hopefully can help the listeners as

well is the moment I realize that every

single person is just figuring it out

and regardless of their external

appearance or how they seem to have it

all together and realize it actually

they don't and just like you just like

me just like the person listen to this

we're all just figuring it out

nobody's give us the perfect blueprint

for life I don't believe that one exists

yeah I think it's brilliant that you

know that on 19 because at 19 I was I

think I was starting you need do my

first qualification and I had no idea

what I was doing I didn't know what I

wanted to become the kind of person I

want you to be remembered for

I was not aligning anything with my

values on my ethics and this is

something that obviously you're now

going through that journey and everyone

around your age is gonna actually go

through but I think if you can all just

take one lesson away and just know that

you don't have to have it all figured

out in fact I'm now under a little bit

older where I'm still trying to figure

out what am I going to be doing in the

next five years in ten years and what

happens is as we start to grow as people

through our own personal development our

awareness

be more selective which I thought was a

brilliant thing that you pointed out as

well then you're automatically find

yourself moving towards things that you

love and

your passion projects hence my podcast

here so I said brilliant and today like

I said you're a lot wiser than I was at

your age hopefully thank you hopefully

you continue so I was going to ask you

about your routine but I'm pretty

certain I know how most uni students

live their life at uni so here's and

there's nothing wrong with that because

it's all it's all part and parcel of the

journey I mean my university meeting was

literally vodka kabobs hangover and

whatever whatever I could find on TV so

exactly so I'm not gonna embarrass you

about that but I want to move on to

something that might be able to give

somebody again some value from this

interview is about adversity so if you

can think of maybe like a time and I

know you're still young yet but I still

believe that we become the kind of

people we are because of the lessons of

the journeys that we go through so if

you could think of a lesson of adversity

or a problem that you face and then more

importantly once you've shared that if

you could just tell us what you learned

from it can i this question if I - okay

because I think what I found has given

me the biggest shock this year is

holding on to people okay you know

having expectations of people because it

told me a lot this year because you know

you know how it is lobbying a young lad

you think these are my boys man these

are doing it all I'm gonna do it as well

you know and it will work in the same

cycle and don't get me wrong it's all

good to have your friends your boys

whatever you want to call them but you

have to realize when your energy is not

being valued or serving you and somebody

if they're not going to value it because

a lot of people are just there to pretty

much just take the mick and they'd

already care what's going on your life

they just won't know because if you

aren't doing better than them thinking

why can't I do that myself as well that

you know again not in an arrogant way

are all like you know I'm friends with

girls I don't see them like any

different 2ml you know we're human at

the end of the day and a fun you know

sometimes you know it may sound bad to

say as well you know more for gender

equality and stuff but sometimes girls

are just a bit more sensible with their

thinking you're a fee

so whereas lads will just be like well

we'll be looking at each other what do

you want to do your should we have a

drink shall we do this mainly it just

depends on the crowd that you surround

yourself with so once you find that

right crowd that's when it will be all

good and well but it's just fine in that

right crowd and finding who you to stay

away from here to stay with you know I

seek quite a lot of validation from

others as well

well all in all I don't need to worry

about if it's good for myself and when I

look back at it now it was good it was

great every single time

and if I didn't look at other people all

the time then you know I would have

started to appreciate myself a lot

earlier but now I'm glad that I'm snow

young and still learning now learning

now that I only need to worry about if

it looks good for me and not anybody

else because you're the only one that

you have in this world you know you have

your family that you keep close friends

you you know friends are the family that

you choose and you know y'all needed to

care what you think of yourself as a

whole and a fair for you that you can

really trust and that's the bottom line

really for me absolutely Matt I think

that's a brilliant point that you just

made there and I think some of the stuff

that you're explaining now isn't stuff

that I believed that we had to go

through especially my generation or the

generations older than myself because

the whole getting validation from your

peers or getting validation from social

media it's become a massive massive

problem in society

and you also touched on a very good

point as well in relation to women being

more sensitive and more I suppose open

to talking about their feelings and this

is something that I really want to try

and work on in the future is getting men

to open up about their vulnerabilities

and talk about their weaknesses and all

things that they struggle with because

male suicide is far too high for what it

should be in fact it should never be

mental health is obviously poor as well

with males as well and I just think we

have such a bravado and this kind of we

have to show strength all the time that

we're almost too afraid to kind of speak

and it causes problems so I think it's

great that maybe it's you as an

individual hopefully it's more

widespread across your community that

you guys are at least acknowledging that

there is this lead here in your society

so I think that's brilliant I think it's

also important that anyone in your age

range or anyone going through what

you're going through doesn't seek

validation externally it's all about

receiving internal validation first

you've got to love yourself before

anyone else out they can love you

because irrespective of what they say

when it comes down to it you sit in your

own mind on a daily basis on your bottom

your mind can be your best friend or it

can actually be your enemy so you really

need to work on that so it's reassuring

for me listening to you to know that

you're in a much better place understand

I mean I think like even how you saying

they're sorry to cut you off is no no

you can with mental health and you know

that even as you said the suicide goal I

didn't

that myself that male suicide is going

up but with mental health like I find it

such a big cuz even myself like I won't

sit here and I say I haven't been for it

myself I have because I always think

like you know I've been there in my bed

feeling low as how old you know feeling

feeling rock but I'm thinking you know

and people will say to me what do you

have to stress about you're only 18 19

and that's okay that's so cool that's

there like we used to get on with it

back in the day but it's just it's not

the same because we've got all this

access to social media nowadays we've

got people trying to make themselves

look better put like different like you

know brightnesses on their pictures or

increase the brightness of their face on

their pictures and you know you may meet

some people they don't like this day and

then they're not actually like what

we've been trying to portray they are

and social media and that's what F's it

all up because you can't betray yourself

to be something on social media and when

you meet the person you like well this

person just the whole different spectrum

and with mental health advice it's

always like you can you can do better

than the other person who you can F over

the other person who can keep on going

until some like it's like a it's like a

rat race like a wolf kind of like a wolf

pack sort of thing who can be the the

wolf that climbs at the my own first and

and all the other ones are trying to

like basically just drag him down and

it's hard because you know even with

Punjabi community once again they're

always like well if you say to them that

you have a mental health problem well

they'll just be like okay no problem

just deal with it yeah I mean it can't

be that way because I'll getting worse

now and there's only more awareness

about it now because of social media

which the benefits of social media as

well and all this kind of stuff I think

that's a that's a great point and again

for the listeners that it's a lot harder

and I kind of do sympathise with you

guys coming up in this generation where

social media has this good parts but it

has this kind of evil tail to it as well

where I never had to deal with that so

growing up for me when I was going to

university and we were drinking and

partying his sir

we were never worried about taking snaps

or or having a whole night out looking

through the lens of our phone it was

just kind of being there in the moment

in experience in it and then our

self-worth wasn't pretty much like that

oh absolutely and at the same time our

self-worth wasn't predicated on the fact

of when we go home at the end of that

night who got the most likes on that for

the most engagement for example so I'm

very grateful for that and I think it's

important that you mentioned that but I

just want to say something else that you

mentioned as well because you've said it

a few times now and it's probably more

so because of your

is that you seen everyone F each other

over because of like you're almost

seeing it like a rat race and I think

the rat race thing is an important thing

and I've tweeted something this morning

it was taken from Wayne died and it's a

very good quote which i think is quite

useful for where we are right now in

this show and what he says is we're in

partnership with all other human beings

it's not a contest to be judged better

than some and worse than others and I

think if we all sin ourselves a sort of

partnering up with humans and trying to

help each other move forward in this

life because at the end of the day we're

all figuring it out as we've touched on

earlier I think the world will be in

such a better place but we have this

scarcity mindset where we think in order

for me to move forward I have to stand

on somebody else or put somebody else

aside as opposed to saying yeah why do I

hold your hand and we'll move together

and you're always quicker and stronger

together so I think it's reassuring to

hear that you're you've got that mindset

and I think if you remain selective like

you mentioned earlier I think you'll get

the right network around you to

obviously help yourself move forward I

think what it is as I it's always that

you've got you right it's always at all

and everything as well it's like that's

if you want to create a business right

it's always a trial and everything where

humans are like you may trust one and

then they may break your trust and you

merge that listen with your whole heart

and that's not bad that's not that

shouldn't people shouldn't beat

themselves up if that happens because

it's a learning lesson that means that

person wasn't meant to be in your life

and that means that there's better to

come because even even anyways that

you've got to have some good days to

have some bad days you've got to have

some bad days to have some good days

it's just as simple as that and you just

gotta take the positives that are very

from that you can't absolutely me

absolutely yes sir very wise words for a

19 year old so appreciate I'll get at me

so you're now in your first year

University you've made massive strides

with your talent and your emotional

intelligence is really really high which

is nice to hear what saves you very good

question

currently in my life at the moment what

scares me is not being able to provide a

comfortable life for our potential

future wife and kids you know not be

enough hub I'm a family now my mom dad

my sisters you know they're gonna want

to get married and well yeah I think

they're gonna need help with fine like

finance is not the be end and end all

but it does make life with more freedom

more comfort so you know if there's

something that I

dude help them make their life easier

and maybe I don't know let's say I had

another source of income I could give it

to them I'd be happy to do that but it's

just you've got a we're card for these

things my mom you know she's a teacher

herself so you know I always see yes

she's always stressed out so she's

always coming you know she'll be with

work all day she'll be coming back in

the market papers you know tour about

9:00 10:00 at night I don't know she

does it and then repeat the day my

biggest fear is not making their life

easier and my biggest fear is not being

able to provide a comfortable life for

myself and the family around me

I think you've almost answered the next

question as well which I was going to

ask about the motivation so it seems

that your motivation right now is to be

able to successfully graduate and then

provide different streams of income to

facilitate one obviously your sister's

getting married helping your parents at

home and then obviously giving yourself

the kind of life that you want as well

yeah because like even for me as well

and working under people just kind of

get under my skin a bit to be honest but

you're gonna have to do the minute you

agree for a couple years of your life

because that's the way it is when you're

young as well you know people have told

me that that's the way and you just

gotta work hard you've got to keep your

chin up which is not a problem

so like currently now I'm working at

Nando's which is not a problem I'm happy

I'm happy for the free Nando's I can't

complain but it's a good job for me now

but could I see myself doing that when

I'm what thirty years old I wouldn't

like to think so often - because you

know even though it's a good job you

know dealing with customers that

straight rude or having so much pressure

put on you and you know running back and

forth running back and forth it's all

good while I'm young but maybe when I

get older maybe I may not just have that

energy that's interesting firstly I'm

hoping I get a free round after this

podcast session is on oh yeah that's

just as good the weird thing is the

reason I'm touching on does is one

everyone knows I absolutely love Danlos

but tea when I was at university it just

opened on Birmingham Broad Street and I

remember sitting there oh I worked

literally all the way through University

so I went to the same uni as you

Aston uni and I always had a job no

Wayans yeah yes I had a job on the

weekends and my aim I remember when

Nando's opened after trying it I was

like man I really wish I had a job at

Nano so it's funny how the world works

but there was a point in time where

having a job at Nando's was literally my

dream job at least for that period in

one yeah time so appreciate where you

are

appreciate or the good thing

be grateful for everything that's coming

your way now it's taught me like you

know it's told me that hard to grit my

teeth who went there a lot of rude

customers come in so you have to look

after it like it's like it sounds a bit

weird like it's like your own family you

have to keep it clean the place because

that's where people are going to come in

like you know if you come into the story

you want to make sure everything is

clean you want to make sure the food's

on point cannot attend not 9 out of 10

because it's not if it's not 10 out of

10 then you know you're not going to be

happy with the service at all you know

have a smile on your face and just keep

on going like keep your chin up even

when it gets hard like even for me

sometimes I'll be like I'm just touching

my forehead thinking flirty arm and I

need a break but you just got to keep on

going absolutely me absolutely we're

actually at the fun part the show now

there is no right or wrong answer but

just try and say the first thing that

comes in your head we're gonna go in

three two one

if you could abolish one thing in the

world what would it be judgmental people

peanut butter and Nutella peanut butter

your biggest role model biggest role

more mom what would you like to be

remembered for being Who I am your

biggest goal this year to just keep on

working hard no matter how hard it gets

your worst mistake is listening to other

people about a certain person if you

could relive one day again what day

would it be 26 of May two years ago why

it was just everybody was there

family friends you know we was at my

house and it was just you just wanted

most be of things you know honestly I

read I really loved that day I loved it

the ability to fly or be invisible

invisible when your fame that's a hard

on max I'm thinking well with things you

can get money but then what I say money

your favorite food the mix grown and

okay speak our languages will be able to

speak to animals animals what song best

describes your life Dizzee Rascal

bonkers would you rather know how you

would die or when you would die and

finally if you could sit with one person

in the world for an hour who would it be

probably my baby my grandma I love that

so the next question it's about

reflection and I'm a firm believer that

hindsight is a wonderful thing and it

teaches us ways to get there quicker

easier and we're less heartache

but I'm also an avid believer that the

journey teaches us so much as well in

terms of his lessons so what I want to

know is if you could go back in time to

one particular moment knowing everything

that you know right now and whisper

something to a younger barrage what

would you say I just said to myself I'd

say barrage do you not worry it will all

come to you in the end you will not end

up failing you are not a quitter

you are not inclined to please other

people put yourself first say no if you

don't want to do it it's as simple as

that

enjoy the present moment more don't look

too much into the future ruining your

full process already and don't look back

with pain in your heart these are the

broken pieces of the puzzle which you

saw might end up still piecing together

have fun and live life enjoy your youth

don't look too much into girls

alcohol or any other distractions just

try and discipline yourself more keep

yourself closed off but keep yourself

living and humble always may I love that

I want you to do me a favor after this

podcast and actually send me that

written form and that was almost like

poetic you mentioned something there

these are the broken pieces and the

puzzle that's still in the piecing

together but I want to do it just this

so if you can send me that at your

transcript or what I'll do is I'm

actually gonna bring them out separately

no problem I mean I even I even do have

a separate poetry account as well that I

do must like check it out if you have

any time yeah it's on my new profile but

it's on its good word under school and

school oh okay check that as well

brilliant so suddenly that actually

brings us to the last question and the

last question that I always ask my guess

is if in a 150 years time science fails

to save us and all that exists is a book

and this book is about you and

everything that you've achieved in your

life all your weird and wonderful dreams

have been accomplished what I want to

know is firstly what would the title of

the book say and secondly what would the

blurb at the back tell us about you I

wrote yesterday I said you know he was

like I know other he persevered like no

other he had himself he was elegant

clean hearted charming and crazy he

would always go the extra mile for those

who were close to his heart at times end

up here

all in all he always tried to see the

bright side of life the world is already

too cold and entangled in its own

pleasures to not be positive

of that as powerful have you got a title

for that the title the life of an

inquisitive man brilliant me if you

wouldn't mind could you give us the best

sources via social media where we can

contact you Instagram I love being on

instagram my instagram is under school

beat up for a while its be PU or e w al

quite active on snapchat as well is beat

up for a while again be pu r e w al

they're the main ones I'm active on to

be honest ok no problem so what I'll do

is for everyone listening today I'm

gonna make sure I put all of the links

so you can contact barrage directly very

social media as you've probably seen

from some of these answers today's very

poetic so I'll be following them on his

Instagram poetry handle as well myself

straight after this

I want to thank Mirage for being open

about his story and sharing it and

hopefully this influences and inspires

many others and I want to thank everyone

at home for listening thank you thank

you and remember this podcast is

absolutely free so all we ask in return

is for you to share this with a friend

and drop us a five star review over on

iTunes have an awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to deal with overwhelm #25

Mon, 10 Jun 2019 04:55:04 GMT

How to deal with overwhelm #25 by Aren Deu

Tagline: "Overwhelm was the main driver behind my anxiety"

Overwhelm, whether it comes through your to-do list, your emotions or thoughts is something that can cripple you. It can cause undue stress that has negative connotations on your life. For me dealing with overwhelm has been an uphill struggle personally for years, but through self development and working on myself I have found ways to combat it, reduce it or at the very least recognise why it appears.

It is something that affects, children, teenagers, women, men and even the elderly but the positive thing about it, is that it can be managed. I hope these tips and tricks and me sharing my own vulnerabilities with overwhelm encourage you to never shy from your weaknesses and to express them, share them and then tackle them to grow.

I hope you all have an amazing day and get in touch via any of the social media handles below and let's connect and continue this movement.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren Deu a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aren and as always I am the

host of the show so recently I've been

getting quite a few requests to discuss

this topic that I'm gonna be speaking to

you about today overwhelmed because I

suppose when you see people on Instagram

and they're doing weird and wonderful

things almost 24 hours a day you you

start to think how on earth are they

managing to keep that going now again

I've spoken about all this previously in

relation to Instagram or Facebook being

a kind of highlight reel so don't always

take everything on 100% face value the

likelihood is there are also some bad

moments and a lot of failures along the

way and one of my failures I suppose or

should I call it learning experiences

was my anxiety and as many of you now

know because the intro reminds us every

single time in Zayat it was something

that really did cripple me for the best

part of theyi

odd years and it's not something that I

could say I've actually completely got

rid of so one of the key drivers behind

my anxiety was definitely overwhelm and

it was something that when it happened

it would come from Norway and it would

consume me in that moment and almost

paralyzed me into doing anything now

obviously through learning and working

on a lot of self-development

I'm able to now kind of at least

mitigate the impact of it but also just

try and have a few hacks that will

basically make me at least seem like a

normal functioning human afterwards so I

think it's important that obviously I'd

give you some of the causes as to why

some of us may feel overwhelmed but more

importantly just before I begin what I

want to do is just put my cards on the

table be

some of you out there might be a bit

embarrassed to speak about the things

that you're overwhelmed about so I

figured if I kind of embarrass myself

right here right now on this podcast and

then hopefully as a resort that you

won't feel as embarrassed or as shy to

share your views as well because I do

believe that sometimes when we share our

anxieties especially with the people

close to us they become more sympathetic

and they become more understanding of

our situations so one of the things that

I used to get anxious about was not

responding to messages quick enough now

this could be a text message it could be

a whatsapp or it could be an email the

level of anxiety when I send my phone

bleep and if in that moment I couldn't

respond because I was eating or I was

watching something with the missus or

whatever it was it would almost consume

me and make me very anxious especially

when I used to drive as well it's the

worst thing in the world when you hear

your text go off in the car and you're

thinking shit I need to respond

especially as an anxious wreck like

myself the second one was being late and

I remember this even as a young kid

where my auntie used to take me and my

cousin sister to school and she'd always

be late and I would be standing there

with my bags ready for school almost

getting into this unbelievable

uncontrollable mess and I'll be

stressing in case I've got told up by

the teacher he would then tell my

parents and then I get in trouble from

them so I used to have all these

scenarios player in my head and as far

as I could remember I don't think I ever

actually got in trouble but yeah belay

is it's one of the things that I really

struggle with and it's probably why one

of my pet peeves is people actually

being late the third one was my

anticipation of dogs so growing up I had

a massive fear of dogs having been

chased by one on a holiday in Canada so

I would almost make up this scenario

that every house I was gonna go and

visit or every house that I would cross

or watch me I would turn down they would

just randomly be a dog there and then

that would obviously cripple me and make

me feel like a nervous wreck to be

understand and elevate my heart rate it

made me sweaty for no reason and it

would just make that day unbearable at

least until I realized that most of the

houses I went to never had dogs and then

the final one was always just being

anxious for no apparent reason I would

wake up I'd be in an absolutely funk

I'd be feeling overwhelmed by stuff and

it was just so difficult to really

understand why I was feeling this way so

that's me

that's my cards on the table hopefully

that makes you feel a little bit better

because I can't imagine you having

anything as embarrassing as that so to

move this forward what I want to do in

this episode is to give you guys tips I

want to give you guys tips that I use

personally and tips from other experts

as well in the world to basically make

sure that you're not consuming yourself

and wasting energy on stuff that doesn't

want matter but to stops you from doing

the things that you need to be doing to

make yourself happy and fulfilled so

let's begin by thinking of the common

causes behind overwhelm and stress I

think the first one is expectation and

this is probably one of the main

number-one sources for stress and

overwhelm across the world if I'm

completely honest with you it's trying

to satisfy the expectation that we place

unnecessarily not just on ourselves but

also on others as well so sometimes

we're expecting people to idea to our

way and that's not always the case but

sometimes we also expect too much of

ourselves as well so number one is

expectation moving on to number two is

when you take on too much now if you're

anything like me and you follow me on

Instagram or through my social media

activities I'm trying to do a bit of

everything and there are times when

everything's going fine but then there

are also times when I'd do burnout and I

do still struggle with overwhelm I'm

here trying to make a social enterprise

for mental health I'm working on my

podcast I'm working on my personal brand

I'm working with clients I do a little

bit of personal training here and there

I try and work out myself I have a

property business as well and so much

more so it can become daunting

especially when you have friends and

family and just other things that you

want to be doing on a daily basis so

that's something that I would certainly

make sure that you're not trying to take

on too much and you're not trying to

solve all the world problems all at once

another one little bit similar to

expectations but it's about putting

pressure on yourself and if you're

anything like me I always kind of had

this voice in my head and he just kind

of highlights all of the things that I

wrong in fact that's pretty much all it

was doing at one point in time so if I

wasn't eating well enough if I wasn't

working out well enough or if I wasn't

working as hard as I should have on that

day

I would almost be lit on myself and my

self-worth and my value would almost

decrease day by day and what I realized

was that I was just trying my best as we

were love you all kind of go through

life and we try our best with whatever

resources we have available but in that

moment I could be working absolutely

fine for six days 16 hours a day and

then if I choose to have a day off I was

putting this pressure on myself that one

I needed to get to my goals a lot

quicker and to that I just wasn't worthy

of that time off and boy was that a

roller coaster of emotions and again

overwhelm and just unnecessary stress so

if that's you make sure you take off

that pressure there is a thing called

escapism and it's something that I

started to do recently and just try and

reflect back and think what are the

things that make me happy is it really

gonna make me that much happier if I end

up burning out and then all of a sudden

I can't work for X amount of days just

for the sake of working that Sunday it

just might not be and the next one is

perfectionism so I had this almost like

a a proud badge of honor that I was a

perfectionist and I suppose it was one

of the things I used to use in

interviews as a sort of when they used

to ask the question what is your

weakness because it's one of those you

can kind of turn it around but being a

perfectionist actually sabotage a lot of

my progress especially my early years

whereas now if you follow me again on

any of my social media outlets I just

kind of say what I want to say and it's

out there and I'll make a lot of

spelling mistakes I'll make a lot of

editing mistakes even on my podcast is a

couple of podcasts I'm not sure if

you've heard previously where some of

the sound is a little bit mumbo-jumbo

and yeah it's just kind of that whole

analogy of let's not try and be perfect

now let's just try and move forward 1% a

day and that certainly helps me rather

than trying to make sure everything's

perfect because let's be honest nobody

is perfect for a start and you're never

going to be perfect without trying in

the first place so the best way to do it

is by taking a swing of the bat day

after day day after day putting in those

reps and over

time you start to perfect your craft you

still probably won't be perfect but it

certainly does take that pressure off

you next up we have control now this is

one that I'm sure many of you can relate

with but if you're anything like me I'm

a little bit of a control freak so I

like to do a lot of things myself hence

why I'm kind of I suppose overworking

and when it comes to outsourcing it's

very difficult for me to kind of hand

over the control and that's not to say

I'm the greatest at what I do because

there are people who can do so many

other things I do on a daily basis so

much better but it's just handing over

that control that initial bit of saying

here you go that's something I really

struggle with in life and I'm pretty

sure many of you listening today can

obviously relate to that as well so

that's basically five I suppose

ingredients as to why people generally

feel stressed and overwhelmed okay so

now that you know what the causes are

for ends ie

and overwhelm what I'm gonna now give

you is just some tips and tricks on

things that you can do now this list

it's compiled not just through the

things that I do but it's also compiled

from a lot of research that I've been

doing over the years as well because I

am very very passionate about personal

development none of us are perfect and

it's all about trying to be better each

time so through the books that I've read

and through my own experiences I've just

clay in a list now I think there's about

10 or 15 so hopefully it won't keep you

for too long but what I would recommend

is that after this show maybe if you

just make a few notes because if some of

you are driving right now you might not

be able to recognize all of these and

then maybe just try one or two of them

every time you may feel a sense of

overwhelm in your life okay so the first

one is meditation or just taking a

moment to be still now the reason I say

taking a moment to be still is because I

don't actually meditate but I know the

benefits of it from people who do

meditate but one of the things that I've

started to do is just try and be present

in that moment now you're probably

thinking this is a little bit

counterintuitive because on one end of

the scale I have all of these things

that I need to do because the world's

gonna end if I don't do them but on the

other side you're telling me to just

take a break

yes I'm telling you to take a break and

I'm telling you to take a break for a

simple reason that you need to start to

think logically you need to start

thinking with a clear

head and you're not gonna do that in

this mumbo-jumbo fashion where you're

trying to do everything all at once

because let's face it nobody Komori

tusks our brains are wired in a way that

we actually just switch between tasks so

it's almost like a web browser where you

switching between tabs yes you can move

on to different tabs but you're going to

lose a sense of flow because you're

gonna have to find out where you were

the last time you were looking at that

web page and it just doesn't work so

what you ideally want to do is focus and

you only want to focus on one thing you

only want to focus on one thing at any

one time so anyway back to the point you

want to be still and you want to be

present in a very quick way can do this

is literally by taking notice of exactly

where you are so as I sit here now

recording this I am sitting on my sofa I

have one leg crossed and one leg on the

floor there's quite an unusual position

but I can film my feet on the floor so

it gives me that sense of touch I can

feel my forearm on my left thigh and I

can feel my lips are pretty dry as well

because it was a bit of a crazy weekend

so what about you just done there in

that very quick moment is just make

myself present in relation to my

surroundings by doing that it reduces

your stress and your ins ie as well and

it just brings your heart rate down ever

so little number to try and tick off

something straight away something off

your list and this is why a lot of

people make the bed or they work out

very quickly in the morning where they

have a point of water or they have their

vitamins first thing in the day and it's

actually one of the few things that I do

as well so all those little things are a

little point that I do in the day

because you kind of feel like you

achieve something almost instantly so

yes it might not be the highest priority

thing but just taking off those few

things certainly reduces that incredible

monumental made up by the way and list

of things in your head that you can't

physically do in one day because let's

be honest the list that we make in our

heads

it's almost made out to be a lot more

difficult and a lot more time-consuming

than it actually is the next one is

postpone anything that doesn't matter so

this is something that you can actually

adopt eisenhower's urgent an important

principle

now again just simply google this and

what it is it's basically four quadrants

and in those scenarios you have the

first one being important and urgent the

next one important but not urgent then

you have not important but urgent and

then you have not important and not

urgent now obviously if you listen to

this on a podcast it's a hell of a lot

easier to go and have a look at what it

looks like and the reason you want to do

this is because what you want to focus

on is compiling these to-do lists

compiling all these tasks that are

overwhelming you and making you feel

like you need to almost do them

instantly and start to place them in

their right boxes for example something

like doing the Hoover in your house or

speaking to a potential lead now if

you're an entrepreneur you start in your

business in my personal opinion it's a

lot more important for you to go and try

and get leads as opposed to doing the

Hoover now you could be procrastinating

by doing the Hoover and trying to work

away from it but you really want to

focus on what are the things that move

you forward one in terms of your

happiness and your fulfillment but two

in terms of producing income for you so

try to this exercise it'll take you ten

fifteen minutes but you can really start

to understand the kind of things that

you're placing into each different

quadrant now I will say in relation to

this is when you have something that is

important but it's not urgent just be

mindful that one day it will be

converging so if you don't do it at some

stage it's gonna creep up and it's gonna

comment to that to-do list that's gonna

instantly overwhelm you so make sure

that list isn't too big because

obviously as life comes on we start

adding more and more things to our life

and then when that hits you at the same

time here comes the overwhelm next one

we have is set realistic goals I've been

very fortunate to work with selling

people now who I'm now trying to coach

and help them move forward in their

lives and I am all for being optimistic

I'm all for grand Cardinals theory of

10x and trying to be the best I'm really

trying to put yourself out there and

make a difference not only to yourselves

but to society but let's be honest if

you've come from a place where you've

not made any money and then all of a

sudden you want to make 10 million

pounds in the next 12 months it's very

unlikely now I'm not here to say it's

impossible the

that's not really the purpose of this

shop what I'm here to say is and one of

the things that I want to do in this

show is to look after your well-being

and your mental and physical state so it

would be foolish of me to say yeah just

like ten million and all of a sudden

you're going to achieve 10 million

because the fact of the matter is unless

you're one of the top one or two percent

entrepreneurs in the world it's probably

gonna be very unlikely that you can be

able to facilitate a business to make

that kind of money straight away but how

realistic goals have realistic goals

that you will have maybe replace your

income for example or you would have

made half a million pounds 1 million

pounds listen the fact of the matter is

it just needs to be realistic based on

your resources your skill set the time

you have available and the actual market

itself so make sure you have a real

thing a realistic thing but the same

time do stretch yourself as well don't

go out there and say I want to make

1,000 pounds a month when really that's

pretty easy especially if you work hard

enough and you do the right things

next up lean on people and delegate and

this is a game going back to you the

kind of the Hoover example that I used

so for example I don't like doing the

housework and we're already the highest

weight for me it kind of stops my flow

I almost get overwhelmed and stressed at

the feeling that I have to do it so

initially what I used to do was a hire

someone I used to pay someone 8 pounds

an hour

she's the common bless her heart and she

used to do all the tasks that I didn't

want to do now it was them my duty to

make sure that I was bringing in income

or produces something that in the future

will bring in income that would be more

than 8 pounds an hour and that is

basically leverage so for example back

six or seven years ago I was personal

training and I was charging about thirty

five pounds and I went solve for me it

was better for me to just go and get

myself another client Rodman's walking

around the house for an hour trying to

tidy up

whereas I could just pay someone eight

pounds an hour so value your time and

lean on people or delegate so put on

your resources look at who's in your

network that you can work with and who

you can help and not only that it helps

you in return so number seven this is

changing your energy now it's really

that you get used to changing energy and

one of the things I preach on my fitness

channels is about being healthy and go

to the gym and stay inactive because

energy creates energy this might sound

really crazy but it does so have you

ever had those days where you're just

sitting around all day

you're not even hungover and you just

been watching TV you've almost watched

all season of Netflix and all of a

sudden you just feel absolutely

lethargic that's because you're not

creating any energy so in moments of

overwhelm or when you're getting overly

stressed one of the things you want to

do is change your state now Tony Robbins

does this better than anyone and you'll

see him jumping around on the stage and

I'm not necessarily saying if you're in

the workplace or you're out in public

that you need to just start jumping up

and down on the spot although that would

be pretty funny and if you do do it make

sure you tag me in on social media while

you're doing it but something as simple

as doing a couple of press ups doing a

couple of squats taking a walk taking a

jog something that will just literally

move you from where you are now create

some level of energy and just by doing

that alone it will start to relieve you

of tension it will release endorphins

and it will over time start to make you

feel less overwhelmed so you probably

see me now workout twice a day and the

reason I do that is because firstly I

like to put a win in my daily diary as

soon as I wake up because then I know if

shit hits the fan and it's a very very

difficult day full of obstacles and

problems I've still done something to

benefit my health and then the second

one normally comes after about lunchtime

once I've had half of the day of work

and then I just want to kind of think

creatively so then I go for a second

exercise session and just by doing that

one I release my stress I get to listen

to some music sometimes I have the

occasional podcast on but then as soon

as I come back from that I'm feeling

refreshed and I'm feeling creative again

and finally number eight this is where

I'm gonna leave it guys I could talk

about this for ages if you did found

this useful and you want me to kind of

do a part two because I've got like

another 20 points here please do let me

know

but the final one I'm gonna go is just

to remember in the grand scheme of

things be stressed out about whatever it

is whether it's doing the laundry

whether it's one deadline for example or

whether it's making sure the dishes are

washed is it really that important

now I know obviously we're moving the

state of overwhelm is very difficult to

think logically I fully appreciate that

but if you can just sit there maybe make

yourself present as I mentioned before

maybe change your state as soon as

you've done that and then just sit there

and think okay I'm getting overwhelmed

because I have X Y & Z to do and then

think how important are these if God

forbid I wasn't able to do it by

tomorrow or the day after would my life

be over and you'll probably realize your

life isn't gonna be over and again this

probably comes down to all the pressures

that you put on yourself the

expectations and it's just about being

more mindful in the moment so hopefully

you found this useful I again I really

do enjoy these kind of single solo

episodes because I feel I'm able to

obviously give you guys tips on what

it's actually made me bear and again the

whole premise of finding your voice is

about overcoming our adversity

overcoming our pain and trying to find

ways to move forward to not only feel

happier more fulfilled but then be able

to give back into the world so guys as

always I do thank you so much for your

time I thank you all for the reviews

again we're starting to pick up some

more reviews as well if you follow me on

social media actually that's probably

the last time I'm gonna say that today

is I am offering a free gym plan for

four weeks and have dietary advice as

well it's gonna be absolutely free I

usually charge 70 pounds for it but it's

just going to be in relation to if you

can give us a review maybe share it on

social media and tag me in so I know who

you are then what I'll do is I'll get

your email address and I'll personally

send you this free diet plan so the way

I'm selling it at the minute is one you

be doing me a massive favor by helping

expand this movement getting more people

to follow find your voice more people to

change their lives and not become

victims and like I said on the last

episode start to become a victor of the

life and really take control of it but

to you'll also look great naked so on

that note I'm gonna leave it there and I

hope you all have an incredible week and

as always thanks for listening and

remember this podcast is absolutely free

so all we ask in return is for you to

share this with a friend and drop us a

five star review over on iTunes have an

awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

4 Signs you have a Victim Mentality #24

Mon, 03 Jun 2019 04:55:13 GMT

Find your voice - Episode 24 "Victim Mentality" by Aren Deu #24

Tagline: "Take your power back now"

Avoiding a victim mentality is key to your success, happiness and fulfilment. Are you a victim or victor?

It is important we recognise our own behaviour and thoughts. It is our behaviour and thoughts that will dictate the quality of our actions and decisions to move us towards happiness, fulfilment and achieving our goals.

This episode covers 4 signs and examples that you may not be aware off, that someone with a victim mentality would showcase. If you can relate to these, don't despair. I have been there, as have most of the population but the key is to recognise this and develop your mindset and grow it to take your power back. Take accountability for your actions, grasp that power and confidence in your own decisions and change your mentality to achieve your goals and dreams.

Let's combat those excuses now and do and be better.

I hope you all have an amazing day and get in touch via any of the social media handles below and lets connect and continue this movement.

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/rss/findyourvoice?auth=gBnWmJ5cdB_Q3FsUedWmWawIe7tjfbhS

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Transcript

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why Kindness should be your superpower #23

Mon, 27 May 2019 04:55:42 GMT

Find your voice - Episode 23 "She's just a normal girl" by Kelli Doorne #23

Tagline: "Even when times are tough, she still believed that kindness was her super power and that's what got her through... " - Kelli Doorne

Kelli Doorne, has finally found her voice, and I am the first to say YES!

Kelli bravely, opens up and shares her story of how she left home in her teenage years and became homeless. Realising that she was opting to run away when things got bad during her young years, Kellis fight of flight response never saw her stand up take account and fight.

But things have moved on so much because, even as a struggling teenager who couldn't find her way in life she always relied upon her Kindness and believed deep down that this would supersede all her problems and see her through. In agreement with her thoughts, we both emphasise what a better place the world would be if we could all just be kind to one another and help each other more often, because it's the right thing to do.

On a final note, knowing how much courage this took from Kelli to openly come onto the podcast and share her story I want to acknowledge her for her bravery, for the work she does in Milton Keynes and wish her all the best in the future.

I also would urge you all to follow her journey but just don't tag her into anything that is related to Octopus!

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Links to guest:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kelli.doorne

Have an awesome day & #JustDeuit & #FindYourVoice

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host Aren

of the show himself mr. Aren do what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aren and as always I am the

host of the show so firstly I just want

to begin once again by saying thank you

to every single one of you who have

taken time out of your day to try and

listen to our episodes I hope you find

them inspiring and motivating and I hope

they at least add some level of

information or tangible actions and

steps that you can incorporate in your

life now moving on to today's episode

again this is somebody who I think is

perfect for this show it's somebody

who's struggled to almost find her voice

and somebody who has suffered with some

level of adversity but also in terms of

just sharing her story up until today

she's found her voice and alongside that

she's also in a position now where she

wants to have a positive impact on

people who are perhaps going through

similar situations so this is a

fantastic story with Kelly who suffered

with homelessness and quite a few other

ups and downs as well in her life but

more importantly what I really loved

about this story was how it kind of

segwayed into human qualities and we

ended up speaking a lot about kindness

now I'm not sure about you guys

listening but I personally think

kindness is one of the number-one

attributes that we should all what we

shouldn't be born with really but I

suppose some of us can perhaps learn to

be more kind but I think if you all had

that in the back of our heads in all our

day-to-day actions I think the world

would just be a better place so without

further ado let's get this episode on

its way so firstly I just want to

welcome Kelly to the show today and I

want to thank the listeners for tuning

so Kelly how are you doing today yeah

good Erin thanks thanks so much

have me you're very welcome you're very

welcome so Kelly I'm myself actually we

both had a couple of drinks over the

weekend I had in mind 48 hours before

and you can probably still hear it in my

voice but Kelly obviously sounds much

better than myself so it's great to have

you finally here

we have had to rearrange a few times all

my fault that's all right well I'm just

glad that you're here today because I

think your story is going to be very

inspiring for a lot of people and I

think to get it started basically what

we can do is if you wouldn't mind is

just give the listeners a little bit

about yourself a little bit about your

journey your story and what basically

brings you on the show find your voice

today all right okay well first of all

it's absolutely terrifies me

but the reason I'm on here today is I am

using my story of when I was homeless

when I found myself homeless at 16 to

raise awareness and money to support a

local charity that goes a long way to

helping the poverty and homelessness

situation in Milton Kings I'm quite a

private person really but sometimes you

just have to use what you've got in

order to get results

so I guess my my journey starts really

in Nigeria which is where I was born I

was born is there be no quite a loving

family and but my dad was an alcoholic

and we went through some some troubling

times but the most of what I remember as

a as a youngster really was my mum and

her strength not not too much about my

my real dad and we I have another sister

and a brother who's disabled mum had a

lot on a plate and we spent a lot of

time why spend a lot of time kind of

being ferried about between my Nan's

house and my mum's house and kind of

having two homes I guess mm-hmm so he

yeah eventually mum kicked dad out for

there for the final time and we we moved

quite

few miles away to be moved up to Newport

Pagnell which is just on the outskirts

of Milton Keynes that stage of my life

was where it is interesting I felt

really ostracized out of place and

different from everybody I'd grown up in

in London my mother in North London and

I felt a bit rough I felt like so rough

around the edges and all my new friends

had pretty long blonde hair and there

was me with like brown spiky hair and i

felt quite different but nevertheless we

kind of made it you know we made it we

made it through really my mum my sister

and I um just by keeping quite tight and

but then but then things started to

change and I don't know you know what

your experience offers being a teenager

but actually with the hormones and

changes and friend groups and you know

expectations and all different stuff

comes into your life and at that point I

kind of started to break away from my

family and my sister had moved out and

she was she was my rock my mum had a new

boyfriend

and soon to be married they had a new

baby and everything kind of changed for

me and instead of dealing with it I at

13 I found raves and I started going out

raving instead right so that was really

the point in my life where you know I

start to pay a bit too hard and a bit

too young and it was at a point when I

think it's like 19 3 maybe a little no

not 93 sorry a little bit later when my

my sister was a couple of years old then

incident happened where I thought I

thought that I might have have really

hurt my little sister and I and I

freaked out

and instead of once again dealing with

it and talking to my family

I just ran away and I ran away from home

nobody knew where I was I didn't know I

didn't quite understand it myself

and by just yeah I had to escape so I

ended up sleeping in hostels under a

bridge one night and it was a is pretty

terrifying it's pretty terrifying

Wow but I don't even know to start with

that there's so many things that I want

to pull out from your story there if we

just quickly go on that a last bit that

you mentioned so you were sleeping in

hostels you were sleeping under bridges

how long did this period lasts for well

it's our monastery no don't I can't

quite remember and it's gonna be like a

couple of weeks where I was I had

literally nothing no home no nothing I

was surviving by as I go into the hostel

they give me a cup of tea and a biscuit

in the evening I remember then I had to

go and sleep in these dormitories and

they have like plastic sheets from the

bed and you know I was sixteen years old

only 16 years old and I was actually run

away from home for about six months went

back tried living at home and then ran

away again because but obviously

ostracized myself at that point quite

drastically but the period of actually

like being entirely homeless was

probably a few weeks my first steps

going to the church eating lunch is is

lonely so lonely Wow I mean I can only

imagine I've heard I've heard stories

and we have been very fortunate to have

had somebody who suffered with

homelessness on this show earlier when

we first started and it's even the way

you described it now it almost sounds

horrific I mean even at home in my own

comfort of my own home when when the

heating's low you feel that straight

away so to imagine as a very young

teenager 16 year old having to cope with

that but one of the things that I found

prevalent from your story and a couple

of times you mentioned it was whenever

something was going wrong you were

almost running away as opposed to kind

of facing your fear yeah and the

I want to point that out just for the

audience as well because obviously we've

spoken offline as well and you coming on

this show has has taken the immense

courage so I fully appreciate and I'm

very grateful you're sharing this story

because I know what it's like to have

anxiety to have shyness to kind of find

your voice if we use the cliche and I'm

very grateful that you're in a position

now obviously wiser from the experience

and everything that you've been through

to now use your voice to do the great

things like you mentioned the local

charity that you're now working with in

Milton Keynes which is fantastic because

I'm sure that's gonna help people who

may be in a similar situation to

yourself

on that note though are you finding if

for instance you went through some

adversity today are you still doing the

whole fight-or-flight thing and are you

able to kind of stay there and fight or

you still seeing yourself fleeing from

the situation my my natural stay is is

to walk away absolutely it is to walk

away and I sometimes that's a that's a

strength sometimes you know not fighting

is M is always a good thing not to fight

but at the same time sometimes when

you're going through situations you you

and especially if when you're young you

need somebody to help you face those

problems and I don't think I had the

support structure around me at that time

to help me do that and learn those

skills potentially think that though the

point of why I want to share my story

and it's that what knife wasn't awful

for me it really wasn't you know I was

probably a grumpy teenager hopefully a

little bit jealous that this new fellow

had moved into my house and there was a

baby and you know not the attention

wasn't on me and it sounds really daft

but you know I was a normal child I

didn't get into too much trouble or pop

from going right in I didn't get into

too much trouble but this still happened

it was I was still on the streets and it

can happen to anyone any point in their

life and I think it's important for

everybody to recognize that homelessness

doesn't just happen to drug addicts you

know it doesn't happen to people that

you

you think it happens - it happens to

anybody absolutely I think you just you

said a very important point there so

we're always one decision away from

being the situation that you were there

so I would never see someone homeless

whether they drinking or whatever

they're doing as somebody who is a

druggie or somebody who's got an alcohol

problem I would just see somebody who's

probably just made that one bad choice

and then as a spiral has seen themselves

in that in that predicament or in the

situation so I think that's that's a

really really useful point and you also

obviously you've got the self-awareness

now and that probably comes through life

and experience that you're a confused

teenager you've sinned in an alcoholic

father and and all the impact that

alcohol can have on families especially

up to that extent you've then finally

moved away from that situation only for

then your sister to leave you and then

all of a sudden your mom's found a new

fellow like you said got a new baby then

all of a sudden you're kind of feeling

almost lost and like you said jealous

and I think yes that's probably

something that we'd all be lying if we

said we never fallacy at some stage you

know Aren absolutely absolutely I mean

I had my younger brother was probably

nine years young again probably don't

remember the exact days but I'm sure

there were moments when he's probably

getting all the attention and I'm

jumping around thinking hey what about

me what about me over here and then

again it comes down to your circle so

the one thing I say I was very fortunate

with is my parents sent me to grammar

school not my choice but it's very rare

at least growing up for myself to have

grammar school students who were going

to do crazy things on the night I I mean

the most exciting thing we ever did was

revised for her exams or yeah absolutely

or do a bit of extra studying so I

suppose although at that time I hated it

it's probably kept me from doing crazy

things because I was very easily

influenced as a kid so I'm very very

fortunate for that but I just think it's

nice of you now to be in this position

we're obviously you've learnt a lot and

you said something else I thought was

brilliant it was sometimes it's a

strength to obviously walk away and just

to counter that as well sometimes you

have to fight as well and sometimes we

have to also realize that any adversity

we get through life if we can just hold

on and maybe persevere through that it

becomes a brilliant gift and it becomes

something that will make you so much

more resilient to life because whether

you admit it now or not is it just those

few years

you've lived on the streets and the

experiences that you've overcame it

makes you such a stronger person I think

when you when you look at things I

business it yeah they say

fail fast so sometimes walking away is

the is the best thing you can do but

sometimes you just need to stick out for

that one minute more to get the results

that you want and that happens in both

life and business I'm saying I could

have stayed at home at that point when I

thought I'd hurt my sister and faced it

and I could have just stayed eat living

in a you know in a loving environment I

don't know what my life would have been

like if I'd done that you know instead

of wandering around the streets not

knowing this back in 1996 our and I

didn't know what the time was even and

so yes it's been walking around the

streets at that point in my life this is

silly at the same time from a selfish

perspective if you had stayed in that

loving environment and not going into

this homeless world you wouldn't be on

national today to share your story and

also to kind of inspire other people

because like you said there's so many

other people out there making probably

the same decisions as yourself and if we

can just make them maybe think twice or

maybe understand why they're doing it

because as a teenager sometimes we just

we don't even know why we do the things

that we do so I think that's really

important okay fantastic so you've

touched on business towards the end of

that and you said obviously this times

where we need to just try that one more

time or there are times where we need to

move away what's a day like for you now

obviously you know I'm hoping it's not

under bridges and it's not insurance so

what's a day my life like I've Kelly I

could say that I'm in a lovely warm

loving home again now and I have two

children so they're both teenagers and

14 and very soon to be 16 and and I'm

with my fiance and we're getting married

next year but congratulations thanks

very much and routine for me freaks me

out

I read the word routine like okay this

has me so

much as I probably do have one I try not

to think about it too much I don't even

like the fact that my diary tells me

what to do quite stubborn that's

interesting yeah and but I'm quite

creative I like I like making stuff up I

like doing what I need to do at the time

and going with my feeling and so yeah

the word routine freaks me out

does it bring out your rebellious side

for you think no I just don't want to do

it yeah I just say I don't want to do

that right now I want to do something

else and but I'm sure I have one I mean

I always cup of coffee into first thing

in the morning okay after that it's what

I need to get done rather than what I

should know what I don't set routine for

myself understood and what what do you

do for work and business now and so I do

I am a marketing coach so I coach new

businesses on marketing but I work for a

couple of law firms as well on their

brand and marketing fantastic they'll be

useful for the audience as well

listening okay brilliant so we've

obviously touched on probably your

biggest adversity now in life in terms

of confused teenager finding herself

harmless in a place where we wouldn't

probably wish anyone to be in that

actual moment sleeping rough and not

knowing where your next meal is coming

from well not knowing what the time was

as you said what's the biggest lessons

that you've learned in that experience

that you can share with the audience ask

for help yeah I think there's some of

the things I didn't do I didn't know how

to ask for help

I remember one days that were going into

their hostel and I the person he was

there the night support person turned

out to be my month Mike one of my school

friends mums Wow and I mean I would have

thought that I would have been so

embarrassed like cripplingly embarrassed

but you know what

it wasn't embarrassed I was grateful

just to see a face that I recognized and

I think if I look back on my time I

could have just said to her I need help

you know get me back my family I need I

need something to help me

and I didn't and so at that point then

although you were running away from you

still wanted to come home it wasn't a

kind of a matter of you wanted to get

away from that situation you just he was

almost like a cry for help would you say

yeah

yeah definitely I was just I was so

terrified that I'd hurt my sister at

this point of my life I didn't know for

sure whether she was hurt or not it

turns out that she wasn't turns out that

what I had going on in my head was

completely made-up and she was

absolutely fine but I was just so scared

that I've done something wrong and I had

to that's why I ran away Wow and that in

itself is a lesson I think for everyone

and something that I've probably

experienced more times than most is that

we sometimes overthink things and we

think this person is thinking this other

soar this person's going through this

when really all we need to do is

literally ask them the question is

everything all right

haven't done something wrong and also

owning it and I think this is something

that I've really kind of got to grips on

during my adult life I mean I'm nearly

40 now and so just owning your problems

yes you make a mistake that's okay we

all make mistakes it's like hey you know

some mistakes are worse than others but

you've got to own it you've got to take

responsibility for it and then you have

to either you know resolve it or move

forward you can't let your mistakes keep

you in the in the past I think that's a

brilliant point yeah absolutely take

accountability for what you have and I

think the more accountability you can

take for your mistakes providing that

you learn from and you don't keep

repeating the same ones it actually

gives you a sense of power and I suppose

people will look at you in a different

way you'll look at yourself in a

different way because otherwise you're

effectively you just passing the power

over to someone else and you're almost

afraid to take that so I think that's

that's a brilliant yes exactly

thank you for sharing that okay so

things are going well for you now which

is lovely to hear you've done you've got

a suit to be 16 year old and a 14-yard

and you get married next year so great

news for them and I hope everything's

okay yeah absolutely I hope everything I

was amazing for that but I want to ask

you what's your biggest fear then right

now

octopus is right okay not expecting that

yeah really I can't look I can't stand

up this is I think they're way too

clever and and I think they're aliens

but if you put them aside I think it's

my children and if when my children grow

up I don't want them to reflect on it

and say you could have done better for

us and I just want to make sure that

they're happy secure and that they are

inspired that they are grounded you know

and above all I think kind kindness that

they take kindness in through their life

and I think that's that's my biggest

fear and my biggest challenge I'm sure

you do a wonderful job on that and I

think kindness is it's probably the

number one thing my mom ever taught me

and I'm very very grateful for that and

I think I'm sure you're doing the

exactly same so there's probably nothing

to worry about

but the thing we probably should worry

about is octopus's thinking thinking

ahead now you haven't booked a honeymoon

have you anywhere close to like the

ocean or anything no we are the wedding

is going to take place right in up in

the top of the outs so we're quite nice

and safe from any octopi fantastic okay

I was not expecting to answer I've never

heard anyone say that have you actually

seen octopuses on land that isn't that a

good thing because I'm they can help you

out in the kitchen no point taken for it

taken well at least you're in them

you said the Alps did you yeah I don't

Kelly well well I was sure the best for

next year is are with that and looking

forward to follow you in your journey so

you're doing marketing now and you

definitely sound like you're in a much

better place in terms of your mindset

and your ability to reflect on

everything that's going on in your life

what's your biggest sense of motivation

and inspiration on a day to day basis

other than your kids because I know

you're gonna probably say your kids as

your first answer so let's choose a

different answer actually I wasn't okay

when an my name has been one of the

biggest most their biggest and most

inspiring figures in my life

she's not with us anymore sorry Taylor

and she passed away five years ago

in June by still hear her every day

every choice I make every signs have

went up thinking about that but she was

so inspiring and the way that she

handled herself for the people her

tenacity setting up businesses

everything about her was it was amazing

without trying to put her on a pedestal

she was simply the best person I've ever

known

so she inspires me and motivates me

every single day that's brilliant I love

it um I was gonna say I'm very sorry to

hear that brace it's a lovely message

that you said how you still here and you

take that and I'm sure she's probably

looking down whatever you believe in in

terms of God spirituality or something

but I'm sure she's looking down as she's

very very proud eating at me going in my

head I think if she approves that then

I'm happy if I think she wouldn't not so

much it's probably a brilliant way to

almost act out your days because you're

almost thinking you would never want to

let her down and obviously you want her

name to be remembered in a nice way so

your actions and everything that you do

in the world I mean I know we're all our

own people but I think you're almost

living for her as well if that makes

sense

so yeah I think that I think that's a

beautiful message okay brilliant Kelly

so we are actually moving along very

quickly today and we're actually at the

fun part of the show so this is the bit

where I think you were a little bit

anxious about because I'm gonna be

asking you all sorts of very very easy

questions but I suppose when when the

time is on it can get a little bit

overwhelming but I'm sure you're gonna

be fine indecisive right okay so I take

that back then we might have a bit of a

struggle here but let's see how we get

we're gonna do probably 60 to 90 seconds

of just very well I was gonna say easy

but let's see how it goes are you ready

yeah brilliant okay we're gonna go in

three

one okay what did you eat for breakfast

I haven't eaten today if you could

relive one day again what day would it

be Oh crikey that's a hard one and AH I

have two children that's really tough I

think the first time I ever helped my my

baby in my arms I would relive that day

again the first time I ever helped my

baby and I loved it

the ability to fly or be invisible

invisable is sneaky but I think like but

I think I'd like the feeling of flying

some swaying who do you admire most in

the world it's still mine own money or

fame and money your proudest moment I

don't know I don't know I can I pass I

just don't know if we can do a few yeah

okay your favorite food my favorite food

is cheese choice okay

speak or languages or be able to speak

to animals how can you choose like

languages I guess languages if you could

abolish one thing in the world what

would it be and Trump good answer okay

what song best describes your life

what song surprised me hey hi oh I don't

know titles

I could probably hum it you're welcome

to sing it if you want I can't think of

one more pass if you had an extra hour a

day how would you spend it on the sofa

with my fellow Netflix or YouTube

Netflix your favorite TV show ever

friends there's a pretty consistent I

was gonna say yeah I think that's the

Using exercise to help your Mental Health #22

Mon, 20 May 2019 04:55:57 GMT

Find your voice - Episode 21 "Using exercise to help your Mental Health" Michael Hayes #22

Tagline: "What's for you, won't pass you" - Michael Hayes

Michael Hayes, is one of the most positive, infectious people I have been fortunate enough to have connected with during my time as a Podcaster. A genuine individual who focuses in his own time on promoting positive links between mental health and exercise and whilst spreading authentic, honest and tangible messages through his social media platforms.

Michael does not do this for any monetary reasons, but since seeing those close to him suffer with mental health he made a choice to use his expertise in health and fitness and promote a positive link of enhancing not just your physical well-being through exercise but also improving your overall mental health.

Our first Irish/Aussie on the show who proves that real messages and honest advice is the same across the world and if you want to ensure you get genuine advice his story is definitely worth following. Michael also admits to having suffered little adversity in his life although when you finish this episode you would probably agree that even if he was, or had, he would not have seen it as a burden or adversity and likely just smiled his way through it.

All the links to follow Michael's journey are below and a final note before you go check that out, which I think is worth mentioning and came from his mother is: "What's for you, won't pass you".

I urge you all to follow his journey and support him on making a positive difference in the world of fitness and mental health.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Links to guest:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mentalhealthfitnesscoach/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mentalhealthfitnesscoach/

RU Okay: https://instagram.com/ruokday?igshid=r9o8sro81bv3

Have an awesome day & #JustDeuit & #FindYourVoice

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren do what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aren and as always I am the

host of the show so I am delighted to be

able to bring to you today Michael Hayes

otherwise known as the mental health

fitness coach now Michael is irish-born

but now living over in Australia and

what he has done is he's taken a passion

of his ie personal training but he's

linked it very very closely to something

that we can all relate to mental health

now the way he links mental health and

fitness is fantastic and it's probably

not what you're gonna expect especially

from somebody who now operates on

Instagram not quite the influencer that

he will be one day but Michael's

messages are incredible and I certainly

urge you after this episode to engage

with Michael and follow him on his

journey because alongside he's worked

with mental health and exercise Michael

is also just a very very positive person

in fact he's probably the most positive

person I've had on the show and I say

that after interviewing so many

incredible guess he's infectious he's

got a great aura about him and all he's

trying to do is make you guys feel

better both physically and mentally so I

think without further ado let's jump

straight into this interview okay

firstly I'd like to start by welcoming

Michael Hayes to today's show and I want

to thank Michael for taking time out of

his day to come on and share his story

and secondly Michael I just want to know

how are you doing today my friend yes

really good yeah just back from work so

settling in for the night now how about

you how's your day been yeah my day has

been good so it's early more I say early

morning is 10 o'clock here so my day is

kind of starting

for anyone listening you can probably

tell from Michaels voice straight away

that he's not got this amazing Brummie

accent that I have he's actually from

Australia so it's our first Australian

guest on the show so again I'm very

grateful for that

I think to get this started Michael if

you wouldn't mind if you can just kind

of tell our audience a little bit about

yourself a little bit about your story

because hopefully that way you'll give

them an insight in relation to yourself

and also give them an understanding as

to why I reached out to get you onto a

show yeah absolutely and I'll just start

off by saying that I'm actually Irish so

I've I've been in Australia for the last

seven years so I'm after getting a bit

of a twang since I moved here so I like

it I get some serious grief up everyone

from home when when they hear just what

anyway yes

yeah I've been living in Australia the

last 7 years so I guess I run a an

Instagram page and a Facebook campaign

type thing called mental health fitness

coach so I'm pretty much peachy turned

into just someone that's trying to get

people to exercise for for all the right

reasons I guess so for your your mental

health is sleep for your mood to reduce

stress and to not look at it from you

know I want to get a six-pack or I want

to you know the quickest way to look

good on the beach or things like that

just getting people to take a step back

and say you know this is more there's

more to exercise and to and to fitness

and just how you look or you know the

material things it's there's a lot more

to it a lot more deeper things that

people should be focusing on that

unfortunately in this day and age they

don't tend to be so that's where where I

am and that all came about for me I was

true my work I was doing this 30 days of

exercise and for 30 minutes for 30 days

of exercise for your improved mental

health and through that process I was

doing just my own Instagram post and

putting things up this was before the

time of mental health fitness coach so I

was just posting things off about my own

30 minutes of exercise each day and

putting little snippets up about the

benefits of exercise your mental health

and putting some bits up also about

encouraging conversations around mental

health and through that 30 days I got

lots of feedback from

my own friends and some really close

friends as well as my family and some of

my immediate family about struggles

they've had with mental health and this

was things that I had never known so it

was a big wake-up call and surprise to

me at the time when you know I was

putting these things I would thinking oh

yeah you know it's it's great for people

to exercise remember heads but meantime

I was going on not realizing that a lot

of people close to me had suffered or

were suffering with their with their

mental health so that was at the

beginning of it all for me you know it

was a real big eye-opener and from there

I just kind of thought at the time I was

a PT and looking after a gym and kind of

I look I'm in a good position here where

some people look to me for that fitness

advice and I'm sorry my former top looks

at me for that fitness advice and this

is a time where you know I'm a person

that yeah that people look to and I'll

just put that positive message out so I

started to mental health fitness coach

and it was all about just exercising for

the right reasons and it's about three

years ago now and you know back then the

the fifties and all those things were

you know at the big thing now it's booty

bends and all that and you know it's

just it's just not the reason that

people need to be exercising like you

know it just just do it for it for

yourself and for your mood and your

relationships that's that's the big

message that I try to just send out to

people and I've been doing that now for

the last yeah coming on three years now

a mental health fitness coach and it's

not really anything that I'm doing for a

good monetary sense it's just trying to

get that that message out there and so

far I think of impacted quite a few

people just through my own post if I can

have a positive impact on a few people

and that's great and if it means someone

goes out and does it hurt him in a walk

every day where they wouldn't have done

anything before and that that helps

their their daily life then you know

that's fantastic and that's kind of what

I'm hoping to achieve through all of

this that's fantastic mate so we're

first I just want to acknowledge you for

that as well because I think it's an

incredible thing that you're doing

you're encouraging people to exercise

for the right reasons so I was a fellow

PT I similar to yourself I share the

same

views that we shouldn't necessarily

exercise for that six-pack or how we

think we should look I the Instagram

model life and it is again it's my kind

of way of releasing my tensions

throughout the day it helps with mental

health myself so I think I love that

message about it but I also love and

what you touched on is that you've

managed to encourage conversation

between your friends and family who have

suffered with this mental health in

their own personal lives and I think

that's that's a testament one to

yourself that people can obviously come

out and speak to you and feel openly

comfortable about that but I think it's

something that as a society across the

world in Australia England wherever we

are

is that we need to encourage that

conversation about mental health and I

just think that's a fantastic thing and

this is one of the actual reasons that I

reached out to you specifically I seen

your messages and I just thought this

would be like a really good person to

come on and the fact that you don't do

this for the monetary sense it is to

give back it is to get value I really do

urge my listeners at the end of the show

to jump on your Instagram page and see

the messages that you're having on that

no I just wanted to ask a bit of a

personal question if you wouldn't mind

as well is Michael have you suffered

yourself from depression or are you

simply doing this because you see the

value in helping other people around you

yeah good question no I haven't and I'm

one of the lucky people who yeah I've

never had any any issue really with any

mental health whether it be depression

anxiety mood swings

anything at all so I've been I suppose

quite privileged in that sense and

that's where I'm a really really

positive person and always have been and

any because of that when I did this 30

days of exercise for 30 minutes for 30

days and I got all this feedback for my

friends and family that was when I

thought oh shit like you know I'm living

this this great life thinking it's all

good and you know I've always really

just exercised for myself and in my own

mental health how I'm feeling but all of

a sudden I was like this is actually out

there it's real and you know people are

suffering cos I've gone through my life

thinking you know everything's great you

know everyone's happy yeah nobody's okay

just like uber positive almost at a

point where I was unable to see that

this could be

happening in other people because I

suppose my own positivity blinded me to

what might be happening to others and

and I would always I would always look

to the well neither no they must be fine

that they I'm sure they'll be okay and

tell myself the good happy story but and

yeah it's really just the last few years

since I started this and moved to

Australia and I've really started to

notice this and you know thank God I've

noticed they could you know now I I'm

much more conscious of my own mental

health so when I do go through any modes

or anything like that I understand

what's going on and yeah so no luckily

for me I've never never been impacted by

any mental health things fantastic and

hopefully continues that way and you

just said yeah thank God that you

noticed it and I think definitely thank

God or whatever you believe in that you

have noticed it because now you're in a

position where you're able to help

people learn almost lift them out of

this very dark space and I say very dark

space because my mom suffered with

chronic depression for the best part of

the last eight years and prior to that

again probably similar tell you when you

first started I didn't understand mental

health it was like what have you got to

be sad about got this to look forward to

it was only recently over the last eight

years I've really kind of tried to

understand men to help myself and it's

funny that you're almost doing what I

wish I had the time to do which is

linking one of my passions which is

fitness and the other one which is I

hold very close to my heart mental

health because obviously it's affecting

my mom and you link in the two together

so that's kind of why I resonate towards

your story a lot because I'm like in

another life if I had a bit more

flexibility and a bit more time and may

if I could live in Australia as well

that would be an added bonus I would

literally be doing the same kind of

things as you so I want to ask just on

something else that you touched on there

if you wouldn't mind yeah you've always

been this happy positive person now

before we've had this show we spoke for

the best part of a minute and within a

second of seeing your face on on skype

you were you were smiling you were happy

and I was like this is gonna be a good

interview I knew straight away because

you were good vibes off almost instantly

what are the careers and stuff have you

done throughout life or what do you

think is the reason that you've always

just been happy or is it just literally

your mindset has just been programmed

that way I reckon yeah it's just my

said and it's yeah it's just the way

I've always been you know I had

extremely good parents and a really

great family there's five kids in our

family and you know I'm the youngest so

I was always supported and you know

showing Sean the right road and yeah I

guess it's just how I've always been

like I don't know any other way than to

put a smile on and have a chat to people

that I don't know and you know if

there's a top conversation that's needed

to be had with like say my staff or

someone's going through a hard time like

I'm always happy to get in and and not

things I would people but yeah I think

it's just the way I've always been it

it's not any one particular thing that

happened that you know maybe this

positive person it's just yeah lucky for

me I had a really good upbringing and

it's just the way I've been that's

fantastic man and long may it continue

because the world could definitely

benefit from more people like yourself

just to kind of spread a bit of sunshine

so yeah that's also to hear okay so

what's a general day-to-day life like

over there in Australia for yourself

yeah and I'm the same as you I love

habits and I think the biggest thing of

me is just trying to be consistent

around the good things that I do so and

I suppose I might actually answer it on

a week-to-week

that's all right yeah absolutely the

more relevant to what I do and so really

like usually on a on a Sunday or

Saturday our leader have a mental think

about what's going to happen in the week

after and I've got a spreadsheet that

I've been working off now for the last

year and a half where I scheduled my

training for the next week and so I know

exactly what I'm gonna do

Monday true to Sunday but one of the

things that I found really good for

myself to keep myself consistent with my

exercise and I'm a runner so I love to

run and so one of the things that I did

wanted a very very first thing that I

did was started pack run and I know you

guys have Perricone you know the weekly

x 5 kilometer runs yeah so that was that

was one of the first things that I

started to do me My partner and fiance

know we started doing Park run and for

me I know every Saturday at 8 a.m. on

that pack run and I'm running and that's

that's what I'm doing I think

that's a tenner 11 over in the in the UK

and I was like a little bit sleepin

create a in there but for me I know that

that's what that day is so I've tried to

build my my exercise and my running

around just habit and consistency so

Saturday is always packed on Tuesday I

run with a run Club in in part and W a

called frontrunner sports performance

and I do a Tuesday 6:00 a.m. every

single week with those guys and then I

do what R is a fight in every single

week with those guys so I kind of know

like whatever happens in life unless

something goes completely pear-shaped

Tuesday Thursday Saturday I'm running

and that's what I'm going to do so

that's one of the things that has helped

me get that consistency for probably the

last almost going on a year and a half

now probably but running in the last

year with the front runner guys on

Tuesday and Thursday and and obviously

massive improvement in my running from

that and I'm not a person that you'd

look at that would say yeah he'd be ok

at running but because of the habit that

I have of doing it every week I've just

gotten a little bit better every single

month throughout the last couple of

years and now I'm a decent runner

whereas people would look at me and go

oh he he can't run that faster he can't

do that or a lot of people always get

the question you know how have you

improved so much it's literally it's

consistency like I started to go in once

a week to Peregrine's and that's what

probably did that for three or four

months it was just once a week and then

think I sure would choose to era wins

they ran them session in there and then

it became that the Tuesday Thursday and

they're just ingrained in my daily or my

weekly routines now and so that's a big

thing for me as part of every week and

then the rest of the week from a month

at Friday I'm full-time job on my health

and fitness coordinator for local

governments in parts so and that's what

my general nine-to-five so I look after

the gym and our group fitness programs

in our community classes and I actually

love that and one of the very very very

lucky people that can say I actually

enjoy money learning and getting up and

going to work and there's

you know obviously everyone get sick at

work at time from time to time but

there's very occasions that I'm actually

not happy to go to work or be at work so

and that's my job and through the week

and the rest of the week is family my

fiance and the dogs and that's that's

her yeah that's brilliant man I suppose

you've almost found what many of us are

trying to find and you know we always

hear people getting sad on a Sunday

evening and they got work in the morning

and you've almost kind of found your way

so it's nice to see that you're having

that and you also touched on some

brilliant points again which was it's

all about consistency and one of the

things I always say is obviously we our

resort of our habits so I think that

going back to your 30 minutes a day

there I mean it's a day in the grand

scheme of things I thinking we're

excited to like two percent a day if we

can just get people to do that as a sort

of habit initially and then if it has

the effects of improving your mental

health on a long-term scale I think

we're on to a winner so on that point

alone have you got access to a sort of

30 day plan or is it's just something

that people would need to kind of go

back into your Instagram and follow into

my Instagram and follow and you know I

don't have any 30-day plans or anywhere

that I suppose that the main thing for

me with people and I've had with the gym

that I work at I've had many many

interactions with people about you know

what are they going to do to get

themselves fit and healthy and I went

through a period of weight gain where I

didn't realize I was gaining weight but

I got up to like 115 or 16 kilos but

over the last three or four years since

I started running I'm back down to 90 so

I've had a big weight loss and period

and a lot of people asking me about you

know what should they do and you know

what exercises should they do for for

this muscle and you know should I be

going how many times a week should I be

going to the gym and how many reps did I

do and how many said should I do this

exercise and I always say to people and

even when people come to a gym like do

you enjoy going to the gym and if the

answer is yes then it's like yeah yeah

okay in you go it doesn't matter what

you do pick exercises you like thick rep

ranges you like it accept ranges you

like and do that

because you're only going to be

consistent at the things you like and if

someone comes into our gym and says oh

you know I actually quite like working

out in groups send them straight to

group fitness like if someone came into

my gym and said I hate gyms

I hate group fitness classes I'd send

them straight back out the door and tell

them do something else because there's

no point in them coming towards to do

something that they're not going to

enjoy and they're not going to say

consistent that because you know you

can't sign up for a gym or an exercise

program or sports team if that's not

something that you actually enjoy like

anyone who wants to get fish you need to

do something that you enjoy and that you

can keep doing for me it's running and

occasionally lifting weights so I do

lots of running and a fair amount of

weightlifting and that's what I love

doing and so for for people like you

know if you're looking for a 30 day plan

or whatever it might be that are looking

for they need to just look into

themselves and go what I like to and

I'll you know we live done living in

Australia so there's lots of outdoor

activities you can do so someone loves

stand-up paddleboarding or golfing or

gardening or whatever it is you know so

that wasn't it that and see that and you

know make the most of that because

whether or not it's 2 percent to your

day or however long of your day it is

that you're doing this exercise for you

want to be doing something that you

enjoy and yeah it's there's too many

people and this especially with gyms and

group fitness classes and things like

that

they do it because other people do it

not because it's something that they

want to do they see someone else getting

results doing that exercise or they god

forbid they go on Instagram and they see

the top six exercises to get awesome ads

and they do those exercises and realize

that they haven't been it's really about

having a thing to yourself of what do I

enjoy doing and if you don't know what

that is just go and try a few things go

to the gym go to an outdoor class join a

sports team join a join a running club

you know try things out and whichever

one it is that you you think you enjoy

that's what you'll be consistent at so

go do that Michael I love that answer so

two things I want to point out firstly

this is why I want people to follow your

page two

learn from yourself and all these little

nuggets that you just thrown in there

but another reason that actually love

the answer is because you're confirming

everything I've been preaching myself

for the last time right so mainly

because you agree with me because I have

four pillars that I always say are my

sword when I work with my clients I

would say if we can add a to these four

pillars and they are enjoyment

sustainability consistency and hard work

and I think as long as you have a

mixture of all of those so the enjoyment

side which is literally exactly what you

explained so I think that's a really

really important point you said their

consistency we've already touched on

sustainability again if your enjoyment

and consistency are on point it's going

to be sustainable if they're gonna keep

it going

and obviously I think there is an

element that people think they don't

have to work hard and you touched on

their this the ABS exercises get abs in

three weeks by doing this it doesn't

really work like that because there's a

bit more science that goes behind it but

great answer mate and again I'm

consistently plugging your channel

because it would be nice to get the

audience to see it from a different

perspective somebody on the other side

of the world almost doing the exact same

thing and making such a positive

influence so I appreciate that answer me

thank you yes

okay so the next question is are you

gonna be quite an interesting one

because a very happy positive person but

what I want to touch on is adversity and

I use adversity in all of my episodes

because I want people to look at things

or change the perception of things and

just know that whatever situation you're

going through however difficult you may

feel it is in that particular time is

there's always a way out of it if you're

willing to persevere through it so I'm

hoping you've been through some

adversity and I mean that in the kindest

way possible me because I'm not smiling

now on the other side of it but could

you maybe take us back to a time where

things were going as well as you maybe

hoped or you went through some adversity

and how you overcame that and then

finally the lessons that you learned

from that if you wouldn't mind yeah

absolutely and yeah I haven't gone

through a massive amount of adversity in

my life would that's it I you know I've

had plenty of tougher harder times that

I've had to go it was the one for me

that

so tis so obviously I'm living in

Australia I'm came here from lard and so

about three years into when I was here I

was am working in a job and this job was

going to sponsor me to stay in the

country and just before my sponsorship

went through I reckon two weeks before

my sponsorship was all gonna go true and

everything was going to be sweet or

Center closed down and yes so the

sponsorship went out the window pretty

quick unfortunately was not sure any

fault of the employer that's the way

things went down so and yeah just just

when I thought I was yeah I'm said I'm

gonna be in Australia nothing to worry

about

got my sponsorship that'll get me my PR

we're good to go

everything kind of just set out out of

nowhere literally out of noise but I

honestly don't look back now on that

time as a time of adversity or a time

where I was under massive stress because

for me at the time I was just alright

well this has happened no matter what I

do I can't really change the outcome of

what's happened to and to the center

it's that's just the way it is so the

the first thing that I was doing was

looking for I would I need a job so I

went and saw myself some work and I went

back to construction work and that was

fine and and then it was just playing

the waiting game to see when when this

Center was going to get back opened up

see if that sponsorship was still on the

carriage and and I've had a think I

think I had four months until I had to

go home legally the contrary so yeah and

I it was it was going to be a little bit

more time until they got the centre open

and they had some roof issues that they

had to sort out so there was a lot of

construction to go on and like just but

true luck that whole period I just kind

of kept on to them and said you know

when can I get back in is it going to

happen isn't it going to happen and

there for a while there wasn't a whole

lot of talk backwards and forwards so I

just kept doing my construction stuff

away and and eventually I got back into

work and I got this I got sponsored bush

I suppose the big thing for me through

that whole

time was well look if I get sent home I

get sent home and that's just the way

it's gonna be in and I always had in the

back of my mind that it's going to sort

itself out one way or another whether

it's through work or whether something

else comes up or you know whether I get

it I think there was the option of a

partner a partner visa with my partner

at the time so you know there there was

options there and I kinda just didn't

let myself get too stressed to the

census you know I was worrying about it

all the time and just kind of got on

with things as best I could and and

luckily it all worked out and yeah I'm

just I'm still here now but it was yeah

I just kind of keep it that positive

attitude towards this and then yeah it

worked out in the end but uh I think a

good a good quote and I'm gonna call my

mom of all people in the world yeah for

this was a sudden my mom sold me heaps

of times Trudy years Witter is going for

a job or it's going to interviews or

anything that I'm racing or whatever I

was doing she'd always say what's for

you won't pass you so you know if at

that time if it if it was for me to stay

in Oz and you know to go on to be where

I am now then that's what it was going

to be if that's not what how it was time

to work out then something else will pop

up that would be you know just as good

or better

so really it's you know anytime we do a

job interview or anything like that or

especially if I don't get a job

I always think well that clearly wasn't

for me so if it was I would have got it

kind of yeah on to the next thing

that's fantastic me then it's funny you

said that quote and I resonated with

this straightaway because my nan so she

doesn't speak English but she speaks

Punjabi but these direct words that your

mom says she says the same quote so

she's a very religious person and she's

always had that philosophy sure but

actually she's starting to remind me a

little bit of yourself and I mean that

with utmost respect because she's always

smiling she's always happy and she's

been through a hell of a lot of

adversity in life but she's always

saying you know whatever's meant to be

is meant to be if you meant to have

something come in your life will happen

if you're not you're not so I think

that's a brilliant way and it's probably

what

kept her going so long so very wise

words from my cause mom so appreciate

that me do you have that do you have

that quote in your grandma's words I

you're testing my Punjabi haha yeah yeah

maybe one for our line may I try and get

you a translation I don't wanna

embarrass myself live online yeah yeah

huge you won't be too happy with my

pronunciation but yeah if it is exactly

the same but I think that's brilliant I

think it's a testament to the way that

you think always got that positive

outlet you're always looking at things

as in just the way that I wish

everybody's in it rather then me if I'm

completely honest five years ago would

have seen that as oh my god the whole

world's falling down I'm so close to get

my sponsorship it's almost falling their

minds I would go through the rephrase

you're just kind of got that in the back

of your head so consciously you're

thinking it's all gonna work out and I'm

really glad it has so in this current

situation now things are going well for

you what scares you in life do you have

any fears and do I have any serious it's

a good question and I don't think I do

like you know I if anything I'll worry

about other people more than I worry

about myself so I'd you know I kind of

want to make sure that I was good with

with my close mates and my fiance and my

family and you know some of my sisters

are pregnant at the moment so you know

it's the only things I worry about her

are all those guys and you know checking

in and then to make sure everything's

going okay but now personally for myself

I don't really uh kind of hold strong

similans

mums advice of you know if it's for you

won't pass you and kind of keep keep

pushing forward and yeah if that's a

good answer

no not absolutely my absolutely

definitely so are you telling me you're

not scared of all the again I'm speaking

as a Brit here we hear all the stories

of the snakes and the spiders in

Australia

does anything like that ever scare you

or ever hear of a red back a red back

spider not very little that little

spiders with a red back they're pretty

fierce looking they're they're small

small little things we get lots of

around my house we get tons of them so

there's lots of and he has brain spray

red backs around here but no of my hair

funny the way my brother-in-law was is

scared and worried about coming over

here and sitting on a toilet boner and

water being underneath it when he catch

you for the yeah look lovely that's them

it's pretty unlikely and I've never come

across too many snakes any more a rod I

guess if I was to say one thing I

suppose on on fear and it's not really

fear for me but it's just for again for

other people it's the current age of

social media and the influence that

social media influencers have you know

so many people are drawn in by these

influencers and you know they take what

they're saying for fur gospel almost and

you know they they you have people

buying these fit tees and you have

people buying to these 30 day programs

and all these detoxes and you know

there's lots of people that are preying

on people's fears and emotions and

getting to sign up to these programs and

to be honest it's a real big issue and

it's what is one of the main reasons as

I said in my page was just to have an

alternative option of the the quick

fixes and things like this because

there's so many people that and

especially at our gym and and you know

friends of mine and I see other people

putting things up like everyone thinks

that these things work and that there's

you know there's something to it pushes

you know a quick quick thing gonna so

ferrets it's it's a worry the the

current state of the fitness industry

online you know that I think the fitness

industry in Australia on the ground

level is really good and really positive

and there's lots of people doing great

things but the the online influence of

people who have no experience in health

and fitness is yeah extremely worrying

hopefully with people like you and

things that I'm doing you know it yeah

the common sense approach will will win

out in the end

absolutely may I think you just hit

something that again I resonate with is

find it so annoying that these

influences are in a position where they

have so much impact and they're just

been unethical and they're not being

authentic in their message and they're

selling these cookie cut programs or

they're saying you can look like me if

you do this in six months and I'm

looking at him and I'm like you're

obviously on something that's not

natural for example you've been doing

this for 15 years and you're just trying

to almost manipulate people and to

believe in it and it's not just the

fitness industry to be honest so I'm

involved as a property investor as a

full-time occupation and even within

that there is a massive massive market

of people and the shame is is that they

have so much influence who prey on

people who are in an almost like a

desperation phase and when you're

desperate you're almost clinging on to

anything and it's just reassuring to

know that there are people like

yourselves out there who have this

amazing energy about you and you just

honest and authentic and this is a

reason I do my show it's to give people

a voice who aren't influences who I

genuinely believe can make a positive

impact on the world because I genuinely

believe if my audience however smaller

is or however big it grows follows you

they're gonna get authentic information

information that and I don't mean this

because I say similar stuff I mean it is

because we understand the basics behind

it and it's nice that you're trying to

make an impressive but it's funny isn't

it because on one end we're looking at

these influences and thinking that the

way Instagram and Facebook and stuff is

it's it's almost damaging to people's

self-esteem Ament to half but at the

same time we also need it to preach our

message and to get our voice heard to

try and help people absolutely so yeah

yeah it's a funny one so what is your

motivation then moving forward for your

business is it to enhance your voice to

get out there to impact more lives or do

you have another underlying motivation

behind the word that you do yeah look I

just want to keep doing what I'm doing

you know every one person that I thought

I impact positively is you know it's for

me that's that's the ultimate goal is

just to have a small little impact on

people's lives whether it's someone

starts doing it you know a tiny bit of

exercise that they've never done before

or whether it's someone else has a chat

that I made about the mental health who

they think isn't doing so well you know

I just want to keep pushing the message

out there and

as far as I'd like to get a little bit

more active on social media given your

full time job and this is just something

I do on the side I'm probably not as

active or putting out as good a content

as I'd like to at the moment but I just

want to keep keep growing the the

audience and make sure that the message

is reaching as many people as we can and

you know maybe one day start podcasting

or doing something similar to what

you're in here and chatting to people

about their own experience of mental

health and Howard are our only

experienced mental health exercises has

positively impacted that and which yeah

for now it's kind of keep going as we're

going yeah absolutely

I think you'd be an amazing advocate for

both mental health and fitness so if you

do get the time and capacity later on

absolutely doing if I can help in any

way in terms of like setting up a

podcast or anything please do reach out

and I'll try my best to help you buddy

not a problem that a stress so we're

actually at the the fun part of the show

now this is the part where I'm gonna ask

Michael all sorts of weird and wonderful

questions let me know when you're ready

and we're gonna hit the time wrap then

we're gonna get started it's not okay

we're gonna go in three two one

okay Michael what did you eat for

breakfast nothing if you could really

live one day again what day would it be

oh the day I met my partner the ability

to fly or be invisible invisible who do

you admire most in the world and oh god

that's good question I've no idea

do I admire most in the world oh geez my

mom I love it when your fame mmm money

your proudest moment

dropping on one knee your favorite food

hates it speak or languages will be able

to speak to animals or speak to animals

100% if you could abolish one thing in

the world what would it be

oppression what some best describes your

life there is a song that I can't think

of it don't worry be happy whatever that

song got made that is a hundred percent

you

okay if you had an extra hour a day how

would you spend it with my partner

Netflix or YouTube Netflix your

number-one goal this year have a

positive impact if you could sit with

one person in the world for an hour who

would it be

rock your worst fear as a child these as

being too tall I'm 6 4 but I've been

think forces I was around 6 Wow okay

what is your biggest addiction Netflix

and finally buddy read minds or predict

the future read - love it ok that's the

end of the quickfire round so we got to

know especially when you've got like no

time to think as well so I was just

interested yes it but yeah some good

choices there everyone loves pizza and I

think I haven't found anyone yet who

doesn't like the rock ok but it's all

we've got fine or 2 questions now we're

coming towards the kind of end of the

show and the next thing I like to always

ask my guess is more about reflection so

I am a firm believer that hindsight is a

wonderful thing in terms of it teaches

us a lot he teaches us how we can get to

places quicker easier or with less

heartache now knowing you now as a

person you're very positive and you

haven't been through I suppose that much

adversity but if you could perhaps go

back to a younger michael hayes knowing

everything you know now and whisper

something in that may be uncertain young

version of yourself what would you say

and mental health is real I'd like to

have known a lot more about mental

health and being able to make an impact

earlier I think yeah absolutely I think

the world would have benefited so much

as well if you knew but I'm just

grateful I'm sure people listening to

this are as well that you're making an

impact now and on that note we are

actually on our last question of the

show and the last question again I

always like to ask all of my guess it's

about legacy and if science fails to

save us all and all that is left is a

book and that book is about Michael

Hayes and everything you've achieved in

your life and all the great weird and

before things that you've accomplished

firstly what would the title will say

and secondly what would the blurb at the

back tell us about you and the title

would say keep it simple stupid the back

would probably go along the lines of and

this bloke managed to convince everybody

that the simple things done consistently

and with a little bit of hard work make

all the difference I love that I love it

mate thank you thank you for sharing

that I think just that title alone would

definitely make me pick up the book just

to kind of think about the last

fantastic okay Michael so just before we

end the show I want to give again I've

been plugging it all the way through

this episode I want to give the audience

a chance to follow you on your journey I

think you're a very infectious positive

person I've really enjoyed this

conversation

you've got me out of my seat I was a bit

lethargic this morning had two cups of

coffee but I'm thinking about the rest

of the day so if you could tell us where

our audience can find you and what I'll

do is I'll play all of that together and

I'll put it into the show notes because

I believe you're gonna do incredible

things and you already are so far away

mate oh my cheers thanks for that and

yeah so on Instagram it's at mental

health fitness coach and Facebook just

searched mental health fitness coach and

I'll pop up on both of those I'm

actually on YouTube as well as mental

health fitness coach and there's a few

interviews that I did in the past and

one of them was with the CEO of are you

okay which is a company - an Australian

company that's are encouraging

conversations around mental health and

that's quite a good one to go and look

at and that's actually a really good

resource for anyone in the UK as well

and who are you okay just the letter are

you and then okay and that's that's one

that yeah it's probably one of the best

ones that we have in Australia so for

starting conversations and how I start a

conversation with a friend and what to

say

and it's a unbelievable resource so I'd

go check that as well be a bit

mental health fitness coach everywhere

else is where you'll finally fantastic

and we spoke I think earlier this week

you've also got another podcast so I

don't normally plug another podcast into

this but I think it'd be really nice for

people to get to know even more so what

I'll also do is I'll put that in the

show notes as well or are you okay in

there as well because again this is

something that I'll follow personally

Michael it's been an absolute pleasure

thank you for your time today and for

everyone else at home thanks for

listening today thank you and remember

this podcast is absolutely free so all

we ask in return is for you to share

this with a friend and drop us a five

star review over on iTunes have an

awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

From Surviving Rape to Finding Her Voice #21

Mon, 13 May 2019 04:55:58 GMT

Find your voice - Episode 21 "From Surviving Rape to Finding Her Voice" - Hannah Power #21

Tagline: "Embracing adversity is the biggest gift you can give yourself" - Hannah Power

Hannah Power shares her story of being tragically raped having been abducted by 3 men whilst on holiday and discusses how the adversity and nightmare she suffered has now given her a new lease of life and purpose. She is now 100% committed to ensuring other rape survivors no longer become victims for the rest of their lives.

Alongside this Hannah Power is also known for her branding expertise as she urges people to find faith and confidence in themselves to really bring out their unique gifts which they can offer to the world. With her assistance she helps people 'find their voice' and it was for this reason we had to get her on the show.

Hannah's mindset is one that we can all take valuable lessons from without hopefully going through the same pain she has been through but it is now her light that shines so brightly we can all benefit from.

I urge you all to follow her journey and support her on making a difference in the world.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Links to guest:

Website: https://hannahpower.co.uk

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/iamhannahpower/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/HannahIPower

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hannahipower/

Have an awesome day

#JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren do what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aren and as always I am the

host of the show so firstly I just want

to begin by saying this is a very very

sensitive subject and if anyone finds

speaking about this difficult then I do

have to warn you prior to starting this

episode now conscious of not making it a

doom and gloom ii episode despite the

horrific events i've gone on we have

taken a little bit of a spin on it and

rather than speak about the stuff that

hannah has so bravely spoken about to

the papers already we look at more of

the things that she's doing today

because Hannah's an incredible soul

she's somebody who's been through an

unbelievable amount of adversity as you

can see from the title as you probably

know from her story already

she was horrific ly raped by an

individual when three men abducted her

what she was travelling and I mean I

said it before the show started I didn't

have the words or I wasn't confident in

myself of saying the right stuff during

this interview I no actually mentioned

this to Hannah prior to the show started

but we both have the same goal and both

our goals and both our visions and

dreams is to help people out there find

their voice so I also felt it would be

an injustice if I never took on this

story and shared it with the world

because Hannah for one is somebody who

doesn't want people who have gone

through the same situation as her to

suffer for the rest of their lives and

be a victim forever

and again the premise of this show is to

help people find their voice find their

way find whatever it is that sparks them

in life and move forward irrespective

and the cards that you're dealt with in

life so I think without further ado I'm

gonna jump straight to this one I really

really enjoyed this conversation with

Hannah she's an incredible person she's

now doing amazing things working with

entrepreneurs you probably noticed by

the name as well

her mom was on last week as well and she

again is a fantastic individual I'd

certainly recommend if you haven't

checked that episode out please do go

back and check that one out as well and

I think you'll realize then there's

something special about these power

ladies so without further ado let's get

straight into this okay welcome to the

show and firstly I just want to say

thank you to the guests for tuning in

today and more importantly our wonderful

guest Hannah Paula who has agreed to

come on and share her story slow Hannah

how are you doing today I'm great how

are you I'm very well thank you I'm

really eager to sort of get this going

so for their purpose of their listeners

who are here today could you please just

tell us a little bit about yourself

a little bit about your story and I

suppose what brings you to where you are

right now sure so first of all thank you

so much for having me it's a real

pleasure to be here you're very welcome

so where to start so I am 26

I graduated from University with a law

degree in 2014 and started working in a

big corporate consultancy called

Accenture and six months into working at

Accenture I I went on holiday to visit

some friends in France who want a ski

season and while I was over there I was

raped by well three men picked me up in

the car and one of the men raped me and

they dropped me back off back in the

town after and the reason that that

story is important to where I am now and

the reason that I start with it is

because I had you know I've had a very

fortunate upbringing from a lovely

family and had a very sort of

traditional I guess middle-class journey

through school to college through uni

and then into a graduate job and I was

sort of following a relatively similar

path to all of my you know all of my

friends and my colleagues and peers and

stuff and then this huge spanner got

thrown in the work

of my entire life being completely

turned upside down and and entering a

world which is completely new to me and

was which was completely new to me and

completely awful and you know confusion

and complete loneliness and it really

you know it would change the course of

my life because obviously it wasn't

something which I was that I knew how to

deal with and it and it pushed me off a

path into you know a really big struggle

and trying to understand really you know

the world and why bad things happen

because once you've seen the awful side

of the world it's so hard to you know to

unsee it and I was happy in my job but

it wasn't really doing it for me I

wasn't fulfilled and I was living in

London and I was doing the whole

commuting thing and it just didn't you

know on the tube it just wasn't doing it

for me so around the time of sort of

struggling with you know the healing and

trying to get through it all I was also

struggling with you know alcohol and and

struggling with lack of fulfillment at

work I decided to you know quit

everything and move to Bali and I'm to

Bali at the beginning of last year 2018

and I kind of went on this year of I

guess discovery in every single aspect

of it of life of business of healing of

spirituality of everything to basically

recover from what happened to me and to

work how you know what my purpose was in

this world and what impact and you know

what what my going to do with the rest

of my life and you know now I feel

grateful but what happened to me for

giving me that that sort of accelerant

into where I am and yeah it's been a

huge journey but now I'm focused on

supporting others who've been through

something similar and supporting people

more generally to find fulfillment in

their lives and not settle for less and

settle for a rubbish life but to go

after a life that they really love and

are proud of and are excited about I

think that's amazing

I think just before we touch on that

last bit there which is incredible and

that's kind of they I suppose the most I

know about you so I've checked out

website and stuff and it's not just

limited to people who have suffered in a

similar situation to yourself you've

almost found this purpose where you just

want to help as many people as possible

but obviously just before I go into that

I don't want to kind of leave it as the

elephant in the room and I spoke prior

to us speaking about this that it is a

difficult topic because I don't come

from a counseling background nor do I

want this episode to be some level of

counseling but it I think anyone

listening to this it's going to fill him

with a mixed level of emotions I mean

for me myself it makes me sad I feel

embarrassed on behalf of the male

population I think you know there's this

level of anger how one human three human

sorry could do that to another human I

mean I just find how people can just

justify their actions by hurting other

people it really does touches a nerve to

be completely honest with you and that's

probably why I was nervous before this

show but I'm just I suppose I mean in

the very short amount of time that we've

had this conversation obviously we spoke

previously I've learnt so much I suppose

about myself in terms of my own personal

development and trying to change my own

perception because what you've just done

and how you've just explained your

journey and how you sin this darkness

and you've almost found it as you're

actually grateful for it now I think

that I think that's remarkable and I

think in a very short amount of time as

I said just knowing you I'm very very

proud of you for that I'm grateful that

I'm able to have met someone like that

because it teaches me so much and I'm

sure it's gonna teach our listeners as

well so much about once you sin the

darkest parts of the world you're almost

now they're trying to almost line up

everything around you and I think I

think that's beautiful

and I want to take it actually into that

beautiful space if that's ok with you

rather than dwell on that situation

which has made you the person you are

today so you're now in Bali which from

Instagram now are you back in UK ok so

you've kind of found yourself now you've

had this year of discovery this healing

this purpose can we just touch on what

exactly you offer to easy clients your

class amazing yeah yeah so and I I've

always come from a sort of a digital

technology and marketing background and

I've always been very I've always worked

really a lot in personal branding so you

know getting yourself known online in a

you know as a leader or as somebody

who's known for something I think it's

come from my parents have always worked

in the internet and you know they were

one of the first people into this whole

world and what I what I realized by

moving to Bali and sort of building this

life that I love was that the reason I'd

been able to do all of these things was

because of the fact that I'd invested

and grown my personal brand so when I

moved out to Bali

it wasn't that difficult for me to get

work and my first you know my first

remote job and then for me to then start

a business which was an agency and fill

it with clients because I had invested

the time in creating content and being

known online as being somebody who knows

what they're talking about so by having

this personal brand I thought I realized

that oh my god this actually gives you a

huge amount of opportunity then after

that side of things when I decided this

year to to you know go public with my

story and try to create an impact and

help other people again because of the

parity of the internet and because I

built this following and had a sort of

personality online I then was able to

have enormous impact on others so I

decided you know I I think that you know

building a personal brand of being known

online is an integral thing to do if you

want to you know live a life which

fulfills you and have a positive impact

on the world so I you know this is what

I do to my clients now I help them to

really define their message and build

their their brand online I'd establish

them as leaders in their fields you know

and prepare them for having an impact

you know prepare them to have an impact

so that's what I do and I think it's

difficult working in personal branding

because there's a lot of in overlap with

you know there's sort of the negative

connotations that come with being an

influencer but what actor is not about

you know it's not about the influencer

side of things of you know when people

come out of these reality TV shows or

anything like that it's about somebody

saying look this is me this is what I'm

really good at this is I can you know

this is what I love to do and this is

how I

can support other people through it and

and helping those people to become

leaders online because I think the

opportunities that open up from open

doors from doing that are huge and

literally never-ending so that's why I

do what I do and I work with my clients

on a one-to-one basis and at the moment

I'm gonna start building a group program

to support people on that journey that's

fantastic I'll have to get the details

for that and I'll put it in the show

notes afterwards for anyone who's this

now who would love to reach out to you

and I think just under personal branding

so it's something that I'm trying to I'm

more conscious of a suppose and I'm

trying to build my own and I'm sure many

listeners are as well but you also have

an advantage of having the most

fantastic surname ever I think that

certainly house but I'm I just wanted to

touch on something there so try and wear

this the right way so obviously you have

a personal brand now you're Hannah power

and you help people find their way

become leaders online do you ever think

or do you just try to think of the right

ways are you against being known as the

girl who got raped or is that just part

and parcel of that of the story and

something that you're happy to be

accepted for however you have so much

more to give to the world and I think

that I think the reason I'm public about

being raped is because of the fact that

it's such a secret crime Thanks it

causes a lot more harm by keeping things

a secret than it does by talking about

them that's true in every form of mental

illness or anything really that happens

we all know that secrets aren't really a

positive so the reason that I am open

about what happened to me is because I'm

not ashamed of it it wasn't my doing of

quite who I am so it's a part of my

story and it's a part of me so that I

don't want to a keep it a secret because

it is a part of me but secondly I want

to inspire others unfortunately with

rape there are a lot of people that are

raped in their lifetime and it and it's

it's huge it's like it's a secret

epidemic that's going on I mean since

I've shared my story the amount of

people that have reached out to me some

of them that I actually even know quite

well we've been through something

similar is actually unbelievable I mean

I've got friends close friends male 4

whose girlfriends have told me they've

been raped but they haven't even told

their boyfriend's yet because it's such

a misunderstood and confusing messed-up

crime that people don't know how to deal

with it so by me talking about and being

open about it I just want to break the

secret if there's if the secret can go

we can talk about it we can deal with it

we don't have to be ashamed of what

happened to us when it's not something

we cause if I punched you in the face

would you think it was your fault no you

would but with Ray for some reason

because of the fact that we're not able

to cope with it and deal with it in

society we feel that it's on us so do I

want to be known as the girl that was

raped no I would like to be known as

more than that but is it an important

part of my story and am i proud to be

somebody who has got through that and

wants to inspire others absolutely

because once you've got through

something like that there are very few

challenges that the world can throw at

you that you aren't able to handle and

for me that's an incredible power and

strength in every challenge I take on in

my life whether it's a new business or

whatever it might be I am completely in

complete confidence that I can do it

because I always can say to myself well

Hannah you've done worse I love that I

just think like you just said you should

be very very proud of that having

overcome that and I think should be even

more proud that now you've your sole

purpose in life is almost to help other

people and I think you'll do incredible

things and I think sometimes a lot of us

in life we kind of go through life

almost not knowing what we actually put

on this earth for and that's kind of how

I've always seen myself so I was always

an academic at school and I was always

kind of being pushed from Normal School

to do grammar schools to universities

and any and I always felt like this

isn't me that there has to be something

else and we touched on it briefly before

this episode how it took a massive 18

months of adversity my life to really

completely change me and sometimes I

always say I don't want any of my

listeners to go through any an OST for

that for their life to change but

sometimes it's necessary it is I think

the people that have been through pain

if they can use if you can use it

properly and you can do the work I think

it's it opens

opens you up to to finding your meaning

but of course you wouldn't wish on

anybody else but some of the happiest

people I know have actually been through

the worst absolutely and least happy

people I know who struggle with anxiety

and day to day issues have actually had

a real smooth ride and it can take a big

knock to to push you onto the right path

and that's why I feel so fortunate to

have had that happen to me at a young

enough age to be able to go to know that

every day I wake up that you know I'm I

mean I know exactly that I am where I'm

supposed to be and have huge faith and

excitement for my future absolutely I

love it I'm actually just really happy

that you're in such a great place now as

well as I'm sure you and all your family

and friends are as well and and you hit

the nail on the head there I think when

people go through pain or adversity in

life they've almost reached a level of

darkness where you can't see any light

especially in that moment and I think

when you kind of crawl out of that hole

however you want to imagine that then

any sort of light almost brings you

gratitude and happiness

yeah and fulfillment and I'm kind of

like that so the smallest things I will

be grateful for on a daily basis and

hearing stories like like yourself and

from whether guess it really does put

things into perspective of how fortunate

you all are and how limited our time is

so it's amazing that there's people like

you now who are just really trying to

help other people find that papers as

well so I think that's fantastic

and thank you again for sharing that so

what I want to know now is could you

tell us a little bit about your routines

your lifestyle today in terms of how you

manage to maintain this almost solid

mindset and how you manage to keep

persevering through life have you got

any daily habits rituals but meditation

practices and also really good question

actually because yeah I mean I first got

into kind of healthy like I guess living

when I was 22 in terms of being you know

really disciplined with my diet and

exercise I am have got an ovary

condition which causes me to gain weight

really quickly so I have to be really

diligent with my exercise and my site

you know I put on weight quite quickly

and things like that so I've always

since being 22 I've always been

very conscious of the fact that if I put

bad things into my body then I feel

rubbish so I know that if I eat like a

load of chocolate or something it's not

going to make me feel good and so from

it like a diet next size point of view I

guess I'm that sort of pot that's the

sort of natural habit I already have and

so I don't require the discipline of

that anymore but I would say hey you

know to get to a habit stage you have to

start with discipline and I think some

of the things which I sort of had to be

disciplined with in barley were

definitely things around yoga and

meditation and almost just generally

taking time to breathe and just act so I

would say that in terms of a daily

practice I I don't meditate every day I

really want to get to a point that I do

what I do do every day morning and

evening is I like a little candle and I

do which is in front of a sort of it's

not a Buddha it's like a sort of a yogi

figure thing and I do sort of give

gratitude to the universe and and say

you know I give you know I am on a path

and I and I trust you to lead me on it

so I guess some people to call that a

prayer I don't I don't mind I I just

call it sort of a moment of gratitude to

the universe and I do that every morning

and evening so I say that's a daily

routine I definitely plan to be much

more disciplined with my yoga and

meditation every day the other thing

which I would say that has had a

humongous impact in fact it's probably

one of the biggest decisions and

life-changing decisions I've made so far

is um quitting drinking alcohol in July

last year so I would say that without a

shadow of a doubt that is one of the

biggest enablers of the reason that I am

happy positive achieving everything I

want to be achieving supporting people

who I want to support and just generally

my sort of balanced mood I don't really

get you know I don't get those low

anxious moments really anymore I don't

I had the alike was diagnosed with PTSD

soon after the rape and I would say that

they're probably the biggest thing for

me in terms of

when you've asked about sort of daily

habits and sort of lifestyle stuff for

me the biggest thing for me is is the

non the no alcohol

that's fantastic thank you for sharing

that so I think the moment of gratitude

thing that you do is is beautiful I I

don't do it twice I should probably do

it twice I think I do always try and

stay present so the yoga thing again

that's always a trait that or the

meditation bit is always a trait of

successful people so yeah it's really

useful the alcohol once it's an

interesting one because like yourself I

get almost after say for instance a

heavy night of drinking going out on a

social the next day I have this really

weird feeling of almost like anxiety or

regret or just feeling absolutely

depressed I think you got from one

extreme of a high almost is such a low

and then I have these thoughts that for

the next 24 hours I'm really not the

kind of person that I want to be

perceived as so I'll call something I'm

trying to myself pasty knock in the head

obviously another health benefits of it

I'm not a drinker in terms of our drink

every single week but I fully understand

that because I was going to ask you a

question in relation to was the alcohol

linked because you started drinking post

rape or I would say that when I when I

first ever started drinking at parties I

don't know when you're what like 14 15 I

was never particularly good at kind of

managing my alcohol in time so I was

kind of a go hard or go home type crazy

so I think a lot of people are I think I

was a bit insecure when I was young and

I think I used alcohol as a kind of

confidence booster at parties and things

like that when I after the after I was

raped I think I think the thing is

because your mind my mind was just in

this whole crazy world it wasn't even

like it was my mind anymore it was I

become somebody else and the alcohol

being in that sort of drunk state almost

gave me a connection to who I used to be

I know it sounds really weird to say it

like that but it was almost a freedom I

got to leave the mind of this girl who'd

been raped who was in pain who

struggling who was lost and move into

being somebody else and I think it did

give me just like you said it gave me

high high

because it gave me a break and then it

gave me very low loads but actually

those low loads that went off and when

you know you start to do the work so I

would say actually although I would say

I was probably abusing alcohol I

actually wouldn't take it back again

because I think it helped me to kind of

deal with it the reason I ended up

putting a hard stop to it was I ended up

having an accident while I was in Bali

and breaking my shoulder and I ended up

in hospital for six days and I then

ended up for another week after that

dealing with the sort of side effects of

being on a really strong like a morphine

type pill which they sort of give you

willy nilly when you're in a kind of

developing country and I it took me a

while to return to being normal again

because of the the accident the alcohol

and then this drug and what's it called

oxycodone and after that I basically

thought you know what not only am i

potentially going to really harm myself

if I carry on drinking but actually if I

keep losing these days our days of my

life I mean this was two weeks but if

you're losing I was losing and maybe one

or two days of productivity a week to to

being to being tired or being anxious or

being hungover actually I'm not going to

be able to achieve everything that I

want to and know I can in my life I'm

actually not going to be able to do that

I don't have enough time to waste on

this poison there's no spare time and to

waste the day being hungover in the day

after that being anxious and the day

after that getting back on track I

haven't got the time in my life so I

decided that actually I loved myself and

I was more excited for my life more than

I then I needed the alcohol so I made a

decision that I was going to stop and I

listened to an incredible book by a guy

called Alan Carr who's this this this

addiction guru and it's a six and a half

hour audio book I did it in a day the

day before my birthday and I woke up on

my birthday as a non-drinker

and I have never ever touched a drop

drop or wanted to since that's

incredible

could you tell us the name of that book

yeah it's by I'm his name's Paul and the

books

the easy way to stop drinking he's got a

load of books he's got a smoking book

and a sugar book and a gambling book but

the drinking one for me was the one that

I was always really worried that I would

feel a sense of you know you know loss

that I was missing out on things and I

would always sire it and what Alan

Carr's book does is it sort of it

removes the desire so you no longer want

it it would be like me saying to you

what you know 10 o'clock at night would

you like a really strong cup of coffee

you know you just wouldn't want to say

no that's what I want right now and

that's you know I know that it would

make me not sleep and it's you know

whatever to me it just immediately

removed the desire I mean I went from

being a pretty big drinker to literally

even the smell of like a beer made me

feel like a bit sick literally after

reading this book and for me I never

wanted I never preached to people you

know when they say say like a lot

everyone drinks around me I'm not like

not like telling people not to drink but

if people say to me Hannah what's you

know how can I achieve what I want to in

my life and start my own business or

whatever I say well the first thing you

need to do is is drink less because you

know knows that it doesn't do anything

positive to their lifestyle and their

goals absolutely Aarthi I think you've

hit the nail on the head there there was

something you mentioned it turns up

insecurity and anxiety and that's

probably one of the reasons I think I

first started drinking as well as a

teenager I haven't been shy and anxious

it was kind of the only way to get on

the dancefloor the only way to feel

confident around other people so

absolutely and it's conditioned into

what I mean if we just if we didn't have

Apple and we were just forced to push

through those those embarrassing awkward

moments when you're sort of you know you

spotty or whatever because you're 1516

and you kind of you know you're not you

sort of fancy people and they don't

fancy and all that stuff that happens to

us when we're young if we just had to

push through it like we did when we were

kids but what happens is you get told by

somebody usually older than you that

there's this magic potion that takes it

all away the rest of our lives we

associate whenever something goes wrong

with the magic potion when actually the

magic potion tends to be causing a lot

of the stuff that put us there in the

first place so my dad got cancer last

year and he stopped drinking as well and

neither of us drink now and he would say

the same I mean

it's just you know it's it's just he's

your and better because of it and yeah I

mean again I you know I'd never preached

it but for me is definitely one of the

biggest things that I would post what I

would ever attribute any success in

terms of you know financial or just

general in a call happiness is that

that's a fair point I think just before

I carry on and I'm sorry to hear about

your dad as well in relation to the case

I hope everything's fine yeah with him

just quickly then so not to make this

about an alcohol podcast episode but um

have you managed to change your circle

are you still able to associate yourself

having read this book in the same kind

of circle that you were in previously do

you know what it's so funny because I

thought that everyone was going to be

really freaked out by it you know be

like oh my god you're so boring or

whatever and I was so shocked by the

reaction a most people are like oh my

god that's so cool I wish I could do

that be the other thing I realize is

that when I hang out with my friends and

things like that and family they

actually like seeing me because they

know that they don't need to drink when

they're with me so that means that

they're not going to be hungover the

next day or they're gonna feel healthier

so I think coming to see me is like or

spending time with me it's like almost a

break from the pressures of drinking

when actually a lot of people don't

actually want to drink as much as they

do it's a lot of it's just because of

routine and habit and the people that

they're with so I mean I I have a lot of

like non-alcoholic alternatives so I've

got non-alcoholic red wine and Prosecco

and beers and gins and things like that

so if I hang out with a friend you know

often I'll be with even a boy when he's

eight having a beer when he's with me

he's very happy to have like a

non-alcoholic Peroni and just tells me

how much you like I would say that about

11 o'clock at night when people are

getting really drunk I tend to point to

head off just because I like to wake up

early and go to the gym or read or

whatever I'm quite an early riser so I

don't really see the point in staying

out late so I don't see out as late as I

did but and partly cuz also being around

drunk people when they've been drinking

for a few hours becomes a little bit

ring because

start to repeat them separate you tell

you all their secrets they don't really

want you to know when they're messy and

so I mean my cycle is stayed completely

the same and I don't know maybe people

do have a problem with it but I've never

I actually found it a lot easy I thought

I was gonna have to really prepare

people for it it seems to me that

everyone's just fascinated by it and

kind of wants to do it but it's just

sort of like doesn't think that they can

I think I've sort of become you know

amongst some of the people I know this

kind of weird enigma they're kind of

like well one minute Hannah was one of

us and then she moved to Bali and now

she's doing all this and how she talks

about praying and she doesn't drink

alcohol and I think she's kind of I

don't know I think people just sort of

think well I don't know she seems really

happy so maybe we should be doing all

that stuff yeah so no I haven't had to

change my circles to sum up that's

brilliant so you've managed to keep your

circle and still hang out and I agree

completely as well with the whole 11

o'clock thing I think we're both early

rises and up and to find that this is

why I think a lot of people struggle

with Mondays so you hear the whole world

moaning that they're gonna go to work on

Monday yes it's probably the fact

they're in a job that they don't like

but I think the other thing is Friday

Saturday Sunday their sleep patterns are

completely yes and what's happening is

they're almost in a jet like kind of

phase so along with obviously limited

alcohol and health and stuff I always

say sleep should be like a massive

massive priority as well so I like I'm

like a baby like I have to sleep a hell

of a lot I was reading my friend shared

an article the other day that apparently

they're now proving that the kind of

hustle the kind of hustle mentality is

being replaced by being like the most

successful people actually rest a lot

which made me really happy because I

like I don't normally need eight hours

and then like a half an hour nap in the

afternoon because I wake up so early I

start working about 7:00 in the morning

or sometimes yeah about 7:00 so my

brains been pretty and my brain gets

quite tired by about three o'clock in

the afternoon I have to have like a

little 20-minute catnap so it's cool

that sleeping in business it's that

cool to rest now rather than like

hustling your way through to 11 o'clock

at night every night so yeah it's

interesting

just on that Hannah resolve there's a

book called sleep smarter by Sean

Stephenson I'll send you a link to it

afterwards it's inaudible and he's

actually done a lot of extensive

research into sleeping hence why I now

have blackout blinds I'll make sure I

try and sleep at exactly the same time I

turned off my phone

they're 40 minutes before going into bed

yeah have a look honestly it's it's a

fantastic but can you really does open

your eyes because there's links actually

between your productivity of being drunk

and being sleep-deprived and it's almost

the same right yeah so in an office

space you probably see people who have

not drank the night before but not slept

popu you're probably not as productive

so somebody who comes in absolutely

hungover so it being in barley because

barley and the like the Sun comes up at

5:00 and it goes down about half past

6:00 so the whole day's almost starts

two hours before it does in the UK so

not barley like where I was living is

quite buzzing at about 7:00 a.m. and

then by about like 9:30 10 o'clock like

it's pretty quiet apart from like the

holidaymakers so I think I just really

got into this way of living because we

in barley everyone sort of living around

the Sun because people surf early in the

mornings it's better waves so yeah I

mean I think it really works and it

means yeah yeah it's really I mean it is

totally crucial sleeping is crucial I

think it's great I think you've

obviously not just developed your mind

now you start to look at even physically

as well it's gonna obviously benefit you

yeah I think we're getting awareness and

self awareness is almost addictive

though isn't it like it certainly is

yeah because I know that I can fix

something if it and make I can

constantly improve myself like if I

notice something I'm like oh hey what's

that right let's dig into that let's get

that worked out like what do I need to

do there like I was actually looking at

it earlier and I always find around the

25th of the month is when I get quite

like I saw that's when I need really to

have more time off and then when I'm in

the kind of early stages of the month

like the price to the seventh I'm in

total like knowledge mode I just want to

consume content

and then I think that I'm quite creative

in the middle of the month so I'm always

just getting more and more awareness

around myself so that I can you know so

that I can do the B and flow as much as

possible so I guess it's just that

awareness yeah is addictive so I guess

sleep is just falls under that bracket

doesn't it absolutely brilliant okay so

another question I wanted to ask you now

hopefully again this this gives the

listeners a lot of value because other

than your routine and how your practice

in your daily life now which is going to

obviously give them great value going

back to the adversity and not to jump

into it too much in relation to that

horrible event that happened to you in

France what one lesson would you tell

our audience I think for me it's the

importance of having faith in the

universe I really I've never been a

religious person and I've never either

or I also you know I haven't cast myself

as a spiritual person but from reading

everything that I have read and watching

everything I've watched from business

you know business II really hardcore

business books by like people like Grant

Cardone to really kind of hippie woowoo

universe books by people like Gabby

Bernstein the biggest thing that

underlies for me that's underlying these

these books are people that are

successful and happy is that they just

have faith that everything will work out

and it's happening the way that it's

meant to happen and that we're all on a

par and as long as we you know we we

fulfill the things that we should be

fulfilling that really you just have

faith in what's coming towards you you

can't you can't prepare for the things

that happen you can't prevent them from

happening but as long as you always keep

faith that there is light at the end of

the tunnel and that there is that things

happen the way they're meant to happen I

think you can get through pretty much

anything so I think yeah that would be

my my number one lesson and I would say

a really big turning point for me it

sounds a bit nuts actually but I

basically towards the end of last year

got really

obsessed with watching films about World

War two I don't I don't know why I just

think I just that atrocity just I was

just fascinated by I think and the

strength of everyone who came through it

and I watched that film

The Pianist have you seen it I've not

seen that my life was totally changed by

that film and it's because there is this

man who loses his entire family his all

his friends everything he knows his home

and everything like that

and yet he is still fighting to survive

throughout that whole film okay I

haven't given it away because that

happens right like really okay it's

still fighting to survive because he has

faith in whatever whatever their

whatever it is that he is fighting for

exists so we because survival is the

strongest human instinct and that is

faith that is that's what makes you for

perhaps that want to survive in faith

that there is a reason to do it if you

didn't have the reason to do it you

wouldn't do it so for me what got me

through is knowing that you know that

there was there was gonna be positives

in the future I was gonna get through

this so I'd seen people struggle through

awful things and come out the other side

so for me the biggest lesson would be

finding faith if you have you got it you

need to find it whatever it might be

whether it's for me it's just the

universe I think in the way Gabby burns

he talks about it in the way that she in

her in her books and her teachings is

just about having faith in the universe

having faith is something bigger than

yourself and most people do have that

and it's just about then trusting that

that I think is what gets most people

through huge pain and challenge and for

me that was the biggest thing for me is

that faith and I know that it will carry

me through my entire life is having

faith in that path and the world that's

bigger than me I love it I think that's

a that's a brilliant answer and it's

actually something that's brought back a

memory to myself of actually my first

ever episode so I did an episode with my

very very good friend Kevin Dillon he

was blind from a very young kid in one

of his eyes through meningitis and again

he's got brilliant attitude like

yourself he's up he's all about helping

people always a very positive person and

his mindset always got

faith in things are always gonna be

better and he he actually said a quote

and I mean uh this this episode was a

long time ago but I can actually

remember it because he says believe in

God or believe in yourself or believe in

the universe but just believe in

something because if somebody doesn't

believe in anything they'll always be

lost it was really powerful and it

always made sense to me because I

suppose I can't I'm kind of an atheist

if I'm completely honest in terms of I

don't really necessarily believe a

religion or anything like that but I do

have a kind of spiritualist side to me

where I think there's obviously

something out there or at least that's

what bigger than myself and you hit the

nail on the head there he said something

bigger they knew so almost giving faith

and a bit of supposed control to that

thing knowing that maybe that's going to

get us through it I think that believe

that as humans because we're built to

survive and we need something some

reason are supposed to kind of keep us

going well I you know I think at the end

of last year I think I was having I mean

I laugh about it because I was I was

living with a big load of people at bi

and I was living with this one guy

called Joe who's from the UK and oh my

gosh I think about him I think he must

think I'm so nuts because I think I was

having existential crisis for the month

that he was living in the villa with me

and he'd get back from like a day of

like I don't know a day of like surfing

and co-working and he'll be like how was

your day and I'd be like yeah it's good

so what do you think the meaning of life

is because I was like really trying to

understand I was like yeah so I'm

wanting to understand why bad things

happen I was like I've been through this

I would hear more stories it was almost

like I was taking on the whole world's

pain like somebody would talk about like

plastic in the ocean and I was just

crying because I was like the world is

so awful and then it just I just kept

sort of delving into this and I was

watching all these films about the

Holocaust and just I was just literally

like I was literally like hurting myself

with pain because I was so wanting to

understand why it exists and and the

point of it and the point of life if

there is all this pain why do we bother

does it make sense me and then and then

they had this lightbulb moment with the

pianist film and then with reading a lot

of what Gabby Bernstein talks about and

a lot of the kind of yogi teachings and

staff from Eckhart Tolle stuff

of this bigger thing and it's it's not

something you need to put your miss and

you just have to know that it's there

and we do all know that it's there

because whenever I ask someone you know

do you believe that there's you know do

you believe in anything and most people

say I don't they say I'm not I'm not

religious but I do believe that there is

something bigger out there in the

universe pretty much most people do say

that and I think that you know you don't

have to label it as anything you just

have to know that it's there and that it

and it's taking care of you and once you

release your your you'll panic and worry

about the future and where you need to

be and this and that and the past and

everything like that and you accept that

your path is your path and you just

follow it my god it's so freeing I mean

that to me is total freedom I spent a

year trying to find freedom by being in

Bali you know what is freedom is it it's

about being location free as if I'd been

financially free is about being time

free I think it's just about being free

from the crap that's in your head and

just going well it's gonna work out

eventually you know it always does and

that and that is what the journey is of

life and I think the second you can

enjoy that and embrace it you're going

to enjoy your life and find that freedom

that's brilliant I think freeing

yourself from the crap in your head is

what I want to do to be honest and I'm

sure people listening to this can

obviously relate to that because that is

what it's all about and you said some

stuff there that I was almost nodding in

agreement because I'm like oh my god

that's me so the whole why do bad things

happen and trying to understand why

they're happening it almost consumes you

so we touched right before this I I'm an

emotional person and I find myself

that's why I don't even watch the news

or listen to stories because I'm like

I'll just be sitting there crying all

day almost like using all my energy due

to myself for some reason it was it was

a while I was doing this myself for

about three months

I literally just watched anything I

could that I knew was gonna make me cry

and hate the world because I just needed

to understand it otherwise I didn't see

the point I was like what is the point

there has to be a point and then I lost

the penis and I was like well there is

definitely a point because he survived

when he had basically in my opinion

nothing to live for yet he still

survived which means that whatever kept

him alive exists because it literally

defies the point the reason it defies

everything in my opinion the reason he

survived because it doesn't make any

sense anyway it was basically I'm

basically talking about my existential

crisis which I had at the end of last

year and I read books I don't know if

you've read a man's search for meaning

by Viktor Frankl but all of these things

I was just going all in and trying to

just get it I was like I'm a bit of a

fast person so I'm like look if I've got

to get through this I need to go all in

and get it done fast so I think I just

put myself an accelerated path o of

consciousness and understanding and then

came out the other side with this

completely different mindset and I mean

yeah life's you know never looked better

because I think and then you just have

that awareness where you feel yourself

slipping from it like last week when I

was feeling you had these overwhelm

moments where I was thinking oh my

goodness you know there's a lot going on

here and I've you know I've taken a lot

on to just kind of catching and going

well don't worry Hannah you know it's

gonna be fine you know you know just

just up you know do a bit more praying

like a few extra candles whatever it

needs to be have that food and having

that faith and then the second you

return to that faith and and that and

that you know coming back to laughs you

you're fine so yeah I mean I think Gabby

Bernstein stuff is really fantastic

I think she's she's she's well she's

well regarded but I think she should be

like more more regarded like her stuff

is so good I'm also fortunate to know

Jay Shetty I don't know if you follow

him but he's a friend of my dad and we

used to work we work together for a bit

at accenture and I'm fortunate to know

him and obviously he's all about this

this wisdom and so I think I'm lucky

really with the people that I follow and

that I have in my life my cousin has

been my complete spiritual guide over

the last five years who he's just he's

just sent from wherever the greatness

lives that's the most incredible person

in the world and then my direct family

my mom my brothers my dad and friends I

think I'm just I'm just incredible

and that's what I focus on that's how I

you know that's you know I don't think

life's hard you know because I've been

through stuff I think life is incredible

absolutely absolutely

you got you got fantastic knitwear there

actually and obviously in your mum as

well she's she's an amazing lady I was

also just thinking just there as well

when you're talking so I need to

research Gabby Bernstein but Eckhart

Tolle is another one who talks about

this the consciousness and stuff and I

kind of wish he had someone like

yourself to narrate his books because

I'm listening to the audio books in a

funny really difficult relaxing asleep

absolutely I'm driving and I'm like this

is just the hazard his voice is too

relaxing I literally you have to be on

the move on foot you have to like walk

around the garden or something because

otherwise will not last because it's

just do you know when Eckhart Tolle at

check you watch him on YouTube he's

actually like he's actually pretty funny

and he's quite accessible if you watched

him in like short sharp he does these

kind of question answer sessions and

things and you can kind of get his

knowledge in these sort of five-minute

chunks which is obviously much more

accessible you know his books pretty

pretty intense is pretty incredible but

if you just want to grab bits of him or

would just have a question some doesn't

you type in the question you've got he's

got there's a video of somebody else

asking a similar question okay and he's

pretty funny and light which really

surprised me after listening to his book

so much at that I suppose he's probably

made that book maybe not for people who

are just driving and maybe as a sort of

he's kind of encyclopedia of finding I

think it's probably one that should be

read rather than listen to you can be

honest I've got it on my I need to get

it you know I need to get it out and get

a highlighter and all of that kind of

stuff

definitely yeah I can imagine that I'm

sure he's full of like amazing gems

that's brilliant okay so you're in this

place now where I'm very happy that

you're in such a great place then not

just spiritually if you want to call it

that and physically and just everything

in terms of your business business and

moving forward

yeah have you got any fears now I mean

what kind of scares you in this current

moment and okay that it's actually a

really good question I'll tell you what

what scares me is the thought is a

finding like a partner

like her boyfriend or falling in love

okay that's interesting yeah which is a

very operate dancer I didn't if you

expect me to go that honest but may as

well yeah please do can i elaborate yeah

so I think I just not been I guess I

wouldn't say you know unlucky because I

you know as I said I believe that our

path is our path so I think you know

what's happened was meant to happen but

I've not had great luck I guess if you

don't allow us to call it with with

relationships over the last few years I

don't think I'm very good at picking

people that are right for me I think I

struggle to be really open and I guess

it comes a lot of insecurities from when

I was young now things are now my life

is very different in terms of you know I

don't go out drinking so you're less

likely to meet people I live in a you

know I live in a town where I love my

town that I live and I don't want to

live in London but that means that you

know I'm less likely to meet people

you know in my kind of age group I don't

I don't enjoy apps you know I'm not I

don't have I don't have any desire to

spend more time using technology but I

work or you know I work on technology

all day I don't want to sit in front of

the TV and swipe on my phone and talk to

some random person and go whoo I don't

even know if they're interesting or

funny based on a photo and I need funny

so I guess I've also told three boys

that I love them and not had them say it

back so all three of my relationships

have been have been you know unrequited

love and that's quite you know that's

from 16 to 26 so that's actually you

know that's tough so I guess what my

fear would be in something I know I need

to do the work on is around my relation

you know my relationships and my

attitudes to - laughs I guess in terms

of finding a partner to share my life

with you know I want to have that you

know it's not that I you know it's not

like I'm not always because I love being

single I think a better when they're

together I look at my mum and dad who

have the best relationship out of anyone

I know when they bring out the best in

each other and you know they get to

enjoy their lives together and have a

real partner so I guess that would be

you know if you want my honest answer to

that instead of a sort of a

and answer then that would be something

which I guess is a fear thank you for

sharing that it's actually a really

interesting answer and probably one I

will didn't guess if I had 100 guesses

I'm sure obviously as you know as well

it will happen when it's meant to happen

the reason I find it so interesting is

having had such a horrible experience

where you've almost got this incredible

resilience where I suppose nothing's

really going to necessarily scare you

anymore because you've already been hurt

you've already been to the bottom you've

already been in a dark place to have in

that level of insecurity with that

particular subject I just find that

interesting it again I think if you look

at the world I mean love in terms of you

know love for another person a partner

is a you know pretty big thing I mean

you know every song every film you know

most of it pretty much most of life

comes down to you know love of another

person and you know that's why you know

that's why we're on our planet find a

partner and procreate I mean that's how

that's how the evolution survives so

although it sounds you know minor in

comparison to you know huge adversity

and stuff I think it's probably at the

same time one of life's biggest missions

and at the same time can be challenges

to get it right I mean you got to get

I'm not one who's gonna set you know I'm

not a settler so I've got to get it

right it's got to be and especially you

know my parents have an incredible

relationship so my you know my bar is

set really high I you know I want real

proper love that makes that makes us

both better that you know that we we

have the same hopes and dreams and I

think you know I'm an extremely

ambitious person I'm you know I'm very

self-aware I know what I'm about and I

think potentially it's hard to find

other people at that same level I don't

know I don't know what the offer is I

mean it's probably down to the fact that

I may be not not open to it and it's

work that I I've got it on my my mental

note of work to do on myself is to is to

delve into it and and make sure that you

know I'm not you know I'm not limiting

myself in any way yeah absolutely I

think at least you're recognizing that

there is potentially some work there to

that's really important but yeah I mean

your level of self-awareness is

definitely not something that I suppose

is common amongst common people should I

say but life is definitely better years

in terms of if you can find the right

person and obviously you'll never sell

but please do not settle and however

long that takes you can almost have

everything and more Panna we're actually

gonna go to the fun part of the show now

so this is normally where quite fun just

so you know sorry I have actually found

most a bit quite honorable thank you

thank you

you're a great you're a great

interviewer great question so thank you

thank you you really shouldn't worry I

mean you're definitely skilled I mean

I'm sure you're going to be very

successful with this podcast because I

love your very you've got the right

level of empathy and you're really it

sounds to me like you're you're really

listening which actually sounds really

obvious but it's actually a really

important skill that very few people

have so yeah I think you should be

really you know pleased to do with

yourself I'll bless you thank you so

much

you caught me off guard there a little

bit nice fine it's fine

okay so quickfire round this is

basically 60 seconds where I'm gonna ask

you the most random questions so why if

it comes to your mind there's no right

or wrong and said it's just a little bit

of fun for the audience to get to know a

little bit more about you are you ready

yeah okay fantastic we're gonna start in

three two one

what did you eat for breakfast I don't

eat breakfast I'm on intermittent

fasting like eight no problem if you

could really relive one day again which

day would it be any day today I mean I

love every day I love that the ability

to fly or be invisible fly who do you

admire most in the world my mum when

your fame okay your favorite food you

know your proudest moment quitting

alcohol would you rather speak or

languages or be able to speak to animals

animals 100 percent if you could abolish

one thing in the world what would it be

right what song best describes your life

life by Desiree I love that song so good

it's brilliant if you had an extra hour

a day what would you spend it on just

asking my parents questions Netflix or

YouTube

your favorite TV show ever friends would

you rather know how you would die or

when you were dying how if you could sit

with one person in the world for an hour

who would it be

Gary Vaynerchuk I love Gary Vee yeah

your favorite place in the world

Farnum Ansari read minds or predict the

future read minds and the last question

your favorite superhero I love Groot

Groot yeah from guardians of the galaxy

yeah he's a superhero is new yeah I

suppose we can give you that one I love

he's brilliant he's got like the most

easiest lines ever to remember in a film

I think you can communicate with three

words only in your life in the world so

that would make which is basically my

job and everything I love so yeah yeah

absolutely yeah brilliant okay fantastic

so we have just two more questions left

for you Hannah and the next one's about

reflection so knowing exactly what you

know now with all your knowledge and all

everything that you've been through in

life I want you to take yourself back

and I want you to take yourself back to

a young Hannah maybe where you struggled

with it first to you or something didn't

quite go your way in life so knowing all

this information now and going back to

this young Hannah

what would you whisper in her ears such

interesting question because two weeks

ago I did a hole in a child session with

my cousin and I actually did exactly

this so I went back to ten year old

Hannah which I think was a Hannah who

was really starting to know who she was

in the world but because it wasn't the

same as what everybody else was felt

that she had to keep it down and so um I

was at I didn't it wasn't very cool to

be smart and I was pretty smart I that I

didn't care about things that other

people cared about so I felt like I

should so what I would whisper to her

was just it's just to to back yourself

to know that you are a hundred percent

right and feeling what you feel because

that is what you feel which makes it

right

and to to worry less to just be so

excited about the journey ahead and to

find a way no matter what it was to find

in a love it took me until last year to

really love myself and I wish my 10 year

old self could could find that because

she was really great she just wasn't the

same as everybody else

and that made it hard so yeah love

yourself back yourself and be very

excited for the future love yourself

back yourself and be very excited for

the future I think that's brilliant and

I think even as kids probably maybe

before the age of 10 we are kind of

built that way in terms of we're just

very confident and we kind of I suppose

the love ourselves and get excited by

everything and then some way along life

when whether it's teachers or the

community around us we could be kind of

tend to lose that element whether it's

you fail at something or you don't

necessarily do something that's the

normal you don't fit into a certain hole

a suppose so it's interesting I mean

he's just an a quick example but I am I

hit puberty like earlier than a lot of

friends so I sort of got that kind of

curvier body and weighed more than my

friends and I didn't know I didn't think

oh I'm fan at until I rap and he weighed

myself and I think I weighed like seven

stones and I think everyone weighed like

my friends weighed five and that's when

I thought oh I shouldn't weigh more that

must be bad aka I must be fat so it

wasn't I'd actually looked in the mirror

and gone oh I'm fatter than my friends

I'd let you put a metric and then I

decided to judge myself for the rest for

the next 15 years based on that random

metric from a pair of random scales I'd

stood on in my mum's bathroom when I was

like having a bath or something yeah and

that's like a story which stayed with me

and I know it was when I was 10 so I can

remember the moment this eat with me

until I mean I guess now I mean you know

everyone's constantly struggling with

body you know body image and in the

distant age we live it in so and that's

just some stupid story which I picked up

when I was young there oh I'm heavier oh

dear I should weigh less oh no this

means I'm not as good I mean what's that

what is that rubbish story absolutely

and that rubbish story I'm sure every

has their own version of that room story

as well it's weird isn't it because I

suppose we can look back at it now with

our heightened level of thinking I

suppose and self-awareness but as a

child you were almost taken on this

story and making it almost a truth that

you're gonna live with now for the next

15 20 years not realizing the impact

that can potentially have so it's

shocking it's shocking the stuff that

you can pick up when you're you're young

I mean when I have children I'm gonna

read like every parenting book and going

everywhere I'm gonna travel the world

studying parenting my parents weren't

amazing but I mean in terms of things I

picked up in school and stuff so that I

can I don't know just so I can

understand it more because I know I do

really

how much would shaped when we're young I

mean my fantastic I'm not at all saying

it was them but yeah I mean there's

random things that you have no idea that

can have an impact for the you know the

rest of your life no I I hundred percent

agree again my parents absolutely

fantastic I wouldn't change him for the

world but I think this is maybe why we

both like garyvee because some of his

stuff that he talks about in terms of

when anybody talks about parenting and

stuff and just the cold hard truth in

terms of you as a person just finding

your way and not worrying about the

opinion even of your parents for example

and he has quite a few lessons in the

way he talks and I'm always nod to my

wife I'm like this is fantastic

I need to listen to Gary Vee like when

the time comes for us to have a family

for example and similar to yourself

again and another common trait is I

always think I just want to immerse

myself into becoming this ultimate pair

of where it's never gonna happen I mean

we all make mistakes but I just want to

be mindful of those simple words in the

simple sentences about my behavior can

literally change my my child's life

because I believe there's a level of my

anxiety came when I was a child and not

to make this episode about me but I know

kind of when it came and I really went

into myself and I don't ever want my

children to ever yeah I mean I think my

parents were pretty super parents in

terms of like they they had they've got

most of it down I think for me what it

was was was it would be knowing I think

it's about when something happens it's

because a lot of the stuff happens at

school doesn't it when we're young

that's where we we pick up a lot of our

stuff I think in terms of our baggage

that we take through our lives so I

guess for me it's understanding more

about kids other kids rather than

knowing how to pair it and understanding

if my kid comes in this mood well what

might have happened on that day and I

don't know I don't really know it I

don't know if there's really anything a

parent can do to protect a kid from

things they hear in school but things

like body issues and I've always been a

kind of natural leader which is the way

that I would explain myself now as a

natural leader but obviously like like a

lot of strong girls you know you're told

you're bossy and too intense and stuff

for a large proportion of your life now

I see it as you know I'm just a natural

leader which is super cool because I've

changed the story in my head but for a

long time I felt bad for being for

always for being like look I know

instead of you know letting everyone run

around in chaos for putting a bit of

order in there but now you know now I

see that as a positive but back then I

thought oh god I'm such a bossy whatever

again Britta Hansen I think people are

listening to this I just want to take

one of your sentences is you change the

story in your head and however we tell

ourselves this story

we can literally switch it and this is

what I want this podcast to be about in

terms of just switching the

circumstances or the situations that

you've been through in life to favor you

because at the end of the day the

situation is the situation however how

we react to it that's gonna determine

how we live our life and I just think

you're a shining example of using your

adversity and pain practice though I

would say that because I know that

people people say that you know oh you

know it is up to you how you react but

that I used to annoy me when people said

that to me because I was like oh shut up

like let me know it's just shut up it

takes a lot of practice and you just

have to basically for me what it was was

I heard that enough times that I

eventually started believing it so if

you don't feel it now that you don't

feel that you can choose to react to

situations in a positive way or however

you want to react to them if you don't

believe that's possible now just have

the faith that one day you will believe

it's possible and you will naturally do

because when it's right it will happen

do you know what I mean don't put the

pressure on yourself because I think a

lot of people present themselves going

oh I should be seen us in a positive way

oh my god I'm rubbish at this oh my god

I'm terrible at being positive why am I

so bad at everything and you get in a

spiral because it doesn't come naturally

whereas have the faith that when it's

ready when you're ready to react to

situations in a different way that's

when it will that's when you will do you

see what I mean

that's a brilliant way of pointing me

actually because I'm guilty of doing

that myself because we read so many

books and always working on personal

development if I don't do something how

I know I shouldn't potentially do it I

beat myself up about it and I think it's

again going back to that faith element

that one day it will click and I'll get

those moments you know we're imperfect

that's what makes us so amazing is we're

part that we'd be robots so nobody wants

robot humans yet although they think

we're going to be able to marry them in

2030 that might be my option perfect I

think yeah I think it's just it's

knowing that you know you're never going

to react to every situation properly

you're always going to sometimes not be

your best self that's what makes us our

best selves is by accepting those those

times that we're not but when it comes

to personal development and all of these

constant improvements that we know we

can make on ourselves I think making the

problem is is that there's so much

knowledge and content and things online

that we can apply to ourselves it's

actually becomes overwhelming that you

end up not doing anything because you

don't know where to start

so I just think look when somebody gives

me a piece of advice there I mean

something I know I should implement I go

well that looks nice when the time is

right I'll do that

and then naturally because I've got that

faith it does happen but I think what we

don't want to do is cause more overwhelm

we literally the amount of stuff that is

there in the world for us to look at

every day and the amount of choices we

have to make is just too much that I

think just backup from the whole thing

and go it will happen when it happens I

will learn these lessons when I need to

learn them you know take it in it you

know and one day you know it goes into

your memory naturally once it's gone

into your point once you've seen it or

read it and then it wait for it to come

back up and and that's fine but don't

put yourself under pressure to start

doing these things straight away just go

you read somewhere that somebody did it

and it worked for them do you know what

I mean absolutely I think that's a

fantastic message because overwhelmed

definitely as you said it causes a kind

of analysis paralysis and everyone I

mean I am helping people in their 60s in

businesses all the way down

supporting my 30 year old cousin with

his revision because I live with him at

the moment I'm helping with his revision

and honestly the main thing which is

coming out of everybody is overwhelmed

whether they're sixty or thirteen and we

have got to do something about the way

that we are living in this state of

overwhelm because it's not it's not we

can always do more and be more we always

know that we can but actually who we are

right now is probably a Dan site of an

improvement of where we are we were last

year so why don't we why don't we

celebrate that while the rather than

going oh god I need to be doing that and

why am I not doing that and I need to do

this we need to break things down and

have the faith that the right you know

the right thing happens when it happens

and we can only do what we can do in

that present moment and as long as we

are always honoring you know honouring

ourselves and making consciously good

decisions well then what more could we

possibly do do you know what I mean it's

just there's too much there's too much

pressure and and and overwhelm you know

it's like it's gone mad and I got a 13

year old cousin I want to just you know

take it all away from him and go look

it's all fine like with his revision

we've broken it into these really

bite-sized chunks it's completely

changed his whole attitude to revision

because he's like suddenly gone from

overwhelm to clarity and clarity is one

of the most important things we can get

in our lives because clarity enables so

much so yeah all of the answer I'm more

importantly good luck to your 13 year

old cousin as well for his exams yeah it

was like yeah I'm doing some revision

days for some of his friends over the

next few weeks we're going I can't bear

seeing them all stress so I said look

give them to me for a day I'm gonna sort

it out let's say well I'm sure he'll be

fine honey that suddenly actually brings

us to the last question and the last

question that I always like to ask my

guess is basically if in 150 years time

science fails to save a sword and all

that exists

is a book and this book is about your

life and in it it's got all the weird

and wonderful things that you've

accomplished all of the dreams and

aspirations that you've you've done and

achieved what would firstly the title of

the book say and secondly what would the

blurb at the back

tell us about Hannah power oh my

goodness I wish I'd prepared ah the

title of the book would be God that is

hard it would be something like

enjoying enjoy the journey it would be

something about yeah something like that

and the back of the book it would say I

guess embracing adversity is the biggest

gift that you can that you can give

yourself and finding your faith is

crucial to your success and finding

confidence in your inner self and

everything that makes you totally unique

that these are all the things which

enable you to then enjoy your journey

your short period of time on earth and I

would like to be seen as somebody who

helped others to do that the question I

should have really thought about that

beforehand really good I love it I think

that's certainly a book that I'd

definitely pick up and I think you

certainly will help so many people and

just on that could you please tell us

where our listeners and audience can get

through to you on your either Instagram

Facebook or wherever you're available

sure so and yeah the easiest way is

probably to go to my website Hanna power

dot code at UK so you can yeah that's

that's where you can contact me through

there if you want to send me an email

it's Hanna Hanna power code at UK or

Instagram is probably my favorite

platform Hanna I power and if you're

interested in joining I've got a

Facebook group to support people who

want to you know build their brands have

an impact create a life of fulfillment

that's called powerful branding that

Facebook groups you can search for that

so I guess it all depends on what what

people you know what they want if they

just want a bit of inspiration Instagram

if they want some help

Facebook group but it's all kind of

culminates on my website Hannah power UK

that's fantastic thank you all

shop with all of that into the show

notes so people can contact you I want

to take this moment once again to thank

you Hannah for your time and sharing

your story and I want to also thank all

the listeners at home thanks for

listening awesome that was fantastic

thank you so much and remember this

podcast is absolutely free so all we ask

in return is for you to share this with

a friend and drop us a 5-star review

over on iTunes have an awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The 'Accidental Entrepreneur' Penny Power OBE shares all #20

Mon, 06 May 2019 04:55:11 GMT

Find your voice - Episode 20 "It's a curse to call yourself a true Entrepreneur, unless you really are" - Penny Power #20

Tagline: "Love is the most powerful force in the world, the more you can live within that energy, be that energy and give that energy the better your life will be "

Penny Power, OBE is an incredible woman who could complete a podcast series alone. Having labelled herself as an 'Accidental Entrepreneur' Penny formed the first social network for business owners exceeding 650,000 members. However, as many entrepreneurs can relate, she was then forced to handle many ups and downs along her journey and forced to really look deep within herself. Through a journey of self care and discovery Penny began to deal with depression and really find her true purpose and love for herself. A journey she may even consider tougher than the entrepreneurial one.

More importantly than the above, Penny is an extremely proud mother to 3 and wife to her husband all of whom she considers the greatest gift she ever received. Penny now coaches people on a 1-2-1 basis transforming not only their lives but also living her true purpose.

From depression, to business, to self care to coaching we discuss so many facets that many of you today can relate too and hopefully take nuggets of information to move your lives forward and find your voice!

Please check the links below and follow Penny's journey as she is credible, honest and an overall lovely soul.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Links to guest:

Website: https://www.pennypower.co.uk/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PennypowerOBE/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/pennypower

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pennyfpower/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/pennypower/

Books: https://amzn.to/2DPEvfU

Have an awesome day

#JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren do what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aren and as always I am the

host of the show so I'm extremely

delighted to bring to you today

penny power now for anyone who knows

penny they might also know her as the

accidental entrepreneur and the reason

for that is because penny created this

absolutely monster of a social network

for business people in 1998 which

actually had over 650,000 business

owners in it not knowing what she had at

that time penny was sadly disrupted by

what we know today as linked in so

there's definitely a brilliant story

there and we do discuss that further

into this episode alongside this penny

has also received an OBE in 2014 for the

work that she's done and she's seen by

many as a winner and having spoken to

her in some depth not just during this

episode but prior to it she certainly is

that alongside being a mother to three

children and a wife to her husband penny

now sees herself working with clients on

a one-to-one basis and we're in a

society today where a lot of coaches are

almost spawning overnight I mean we're

seeing people with one or two years of

experience becoming a coach and then

selling their services and being a bit

skeptical apart a lot of these coaches

penny is somebody I'm certainly not

skeptical about because if I was ever to

recommend anyone as a coach it would

certainly be penny because penny has the

experience and you can tell from the way

she speaks in this interview she knows

this stuff so I think without further

ado we're gonna jump straight into this

one it's extremely exciting for me to

bring somebody like penny onto my

podcast

and I'm extremely grateful for that and

I hope you all enjoy this episode thanks

for tuning in

ok so firstly I just want to thank

everyone for tuning in to today's

episode today and I've just had a

fantastic discussion with penny prior to

this actually going live so I've got to

know her a lot there but I think it's

very important that you guys listening

tuning in today get to know the real

penny or Penny powers she is known to

many of us out there today so firstly

how are you doing today

very well I feel very well warmed up

lovely conversation with you it was it

certainly was I could almost have an

episode out of that just in itself but

I'm just for their sake of the listeners

who have just tuned in now and obviously

may or may not have heard of you could

you please just maybe give us an insight

in relation to where you first started a

little bit about your journey and

basically what brings you here today and

so I think you know and I think it's

been a journey of finding my voice which

is just perfect I'm gonna try and keep

it little 16

I went into the IT industry when I was

19 I didn't go to university I went into

sales and tele sales and joined it when

it was really booming and so it was

fairly relatively easy to excel and I

ended up with in about by the age of 24

I was sales marketing director of a 80

million pound company with about 400

staff that I was responsible for and an

80 million pound sales line and we had

offices around the country eight offices

and but my first day there I just went

into there and completely just out of

scarcity and needed to leave home and it

was a job and and I realized I was quite

different to everybody else in the room

you know I wasn't really that focused on

the sale but I was focused on the impact

of the sale that would have on whoever

was buying the product and I actually

resigned after seven months and I was

going to go to the University to do a

psychology degree I had finally got my

place and my boss took me into a room

and said why are you leaving I said I'm

just not cut out for business it's not

my world I want to be have more impact

in business and he said but you have no

idea of the shift that you

created in the culture of our

organization and I was ripped shots as a

19 year old to be told that and he said

just be you stay and be you very

powerful when someone says that to you

so I did and I built quite a nice career

I'd sort of left that company and

actually went off to four other

companies and then was invited back to

be their sales marketing director when

they had grown quite substantially and

then at 28 I was blessed with my baby

Hannah and two more children and that is

absolutely that and my marriage is being

my highest values my highest joy the

thing that I think is the most important

thing in my life I think you know that

fall saying charity begins at home I

think if you put oxygen on your family

then you build a family that doesn't

take from the world it can give to the

world

i I've taken my role as a mum really as

my most important thing in my life and

my merit and my marriage because that

completes the family and but I am quite

driven I love I do love business and

when I was 33 so I had Hannah was five

and then I had Ross who was three and TJ

was just not long born about six months

old I came up with the idea of the fact

that business seemed so lonely people

working on their own my husband being

one of them and sort of subject of night

networking in 1998 wasn't huge but there

was it was sort of going on but there

was no online networking for business

there was Friends Reunited and MySpace

but nothing for business so I created a

community for business online with a

culture of reducing loneliness helping

people with their self-esteem and her

self-worth and helping people to be who

they were rather than just what they did

and it grew and it grew and it was

phenomenal but then we got massively

disrupted we were growing up organically

it was a subscription-based business ten

pounds a month ten dollars ten euros

depending where you were in the world we

were in 52 countries had 5000 offline

events here and then LinkedIn took hold

so retweet hoffman had actually visited

and used our site a little bit he then

raised three hundred and thirty million

dollars when in the

okay we just couldn't raise any money

we'd raised very small amount of seed

investment but interestingly he just

went a different route and culture he

went to the business world with his

fantastic tool but it's said it's only

about what you are and actually then we

saw that was in 2002 so that was four

years after we had grown then in 2004

Facebook came into the student market

2006 Peter came in and the mark I think

we all polarized you know this is Who I

am on Facebook this is what I am on

LinkedIn an academy sat somewhere in

between we needed to pivot the business

model by now we had lost our house in

order to keep the business going it was

very challenging the trout children

traveled around the world meeting our

members had little lapel badges with

their names on them shaking hands at

teach ethics or he first started

networking and anyway in 2008 we went to

the bank and said look can we have a

loan to pivot this business and they

gave us a 5 year loan enabled us to

start looking at how we can offer free

and start basically doing what we didn't

want to do but in order to survive which

was going to be sell your data so you

you know what we now upset about in the

other markets so obviously that meant a

lot of our members that were happy to

pay we're unhappy but did get some new

members joining who were happy that it

was free but it really challenged our

values and then three years into that

with two years left around the bank loan

the banking crisis happened

we got a 30 day notice to pay back the

rest of the two years and they brought

the business down the bank after 14

years so an incredibly painful defining

moments in 2012 and it has been an

unbelievable climb to get back any sense

of self-worth self belief a big journey

I which we can we can look into it was

wonderful in 2014 out of the blue came a

beautiful letter and offering me an OBE

for the contributors

lovely feeling of validation and

but actually what I really learned is

you can get huge amounts of external

invalidation in life but unless you can

validate yourself and believe in

yourself and feel your own sense of

self-worth these things are just a bit

of gloss on your life and that's been a

journey which culminated in me writing

my book last year

fantastic and your book is called it's

called business is personal well firstly

what a journey I probably got more notes

here that again I could do probably a

podcast on separately so I just want to

touch on a few things throughout your

journey so you ended with the validation

statement which I don't want to go into

cuz I think that's so important

especially in today's society yeah you

were 19 years old you had almost kind of

disrupted and made a positive scene in

this industry where there was a fitting

comment and you said just stay and be

you yeah I loved that because I filmed

myself and in an industry where a lot of

my business comes through social media

there are people not just being

themselves I feel that a lot of people

have a magic or they're saying the

things that they necessarily feel they

need to say yeah what people want to

hear and I think sometimes we all have

such a unique gift or skillset that we

may not ever get to see if we're too

busy trying not to be ourselves if that

makes sense

I think I think that was beautiful and

you touched the game moving after that

about your family and I just resonated

so much with your values in terms of

breathing oxygen into your family and

how important your marriage is so we

touched obviously prior to this show a

little bit about one of your children I

lost a TJ and just the incredible person

that she is so again that's a testament

to your values and that kind of brings

me to where I am so I touched on the

LinkedIn obviously disrupting and it's

and sadly for yourselves you had to

almost kind of pivot but you mentioned

something which I just found fascinating

which was the values bit that really

kind of struck you so it's nice to hear

and it's quite refreshing from yourself

that yes you could have pivoted the

business and almost kind of taken on a

LinkedIn approach but that's not who

penny is so using that and realizing

that in that moment getting the external

validation of OB what did you then do in

terms of your business I mean is that

still going now that sort of business or

have you completely shifted it now

towards really helping people trying to

find out about themselves as in terms of

full of himself with yeah I mean I

definitely has been a thank you for that

that lovely reflection of what I said I

think it's been a journey you know

something I say when I am coaching and

mentoring and I run a mastermind group

now I take two cohorts yeah so I I

support people through a mastermind

group which is beautiful experience we

do need in our values we do need to have

a brand we need to know what we're here

for you know that lovely saying to best

days of your life the day you're born

the day you discover able all of these

things are very very powerful

start with why simon Sinek what it's

created it's created a massive panic of

people that don't feel they have it yet

and you can't force it so you know was

coaching a lady yesterday it was

incredibly inspired by brainy Brown and

her vulnerability statement and simon

Sinek and all these role models and

she's desperate to find her big message

and I just said just it will come but it

absolutely starts with the seed of who

you are and you can't force it because

you want to market yourself better or

write a better book or you've just got a

lot now having a coach or a mentor or a

loved one help you coach that out of you

is very powerful and I was with a

brilliant guy called Sun hartley

yesterday and he's a performance coach

and he said these three things you know

yourself be yourself accept yourself

I loved that thought I love that know

yourself be yourself accept yourself and

I don't think that we can you know I

went through a process last year with

psychologists and group therapy because

I broke and I didn't break to the point

where I was you know I was shaking in

the corner but I had a really day of

devastating experience that dangerous

and scary experience on the 30th of

November 2017 that I went off to a

hospital thinking I had had a stroke or

something and they found no new logical

things and and anyway through going to

see psychologists discovered that and I

was now having some form of mental

health challenges and I actually spent a

lot of time reflecting and thinking and

I think I started to break probably for

you

before I had that incidence it's not

something I was fat you know you could

start off you could start off being

completely disabled with a bad leg

through or hip through eighth rightous

it would start years before you know you

get the so I think mental health issues

you have to start becoming very

self-aware of how you're showing up in

the world before you really know you've

got them and and you know I believe in

mental fitness but there's another

subject you know starting before it

starts like you do when you look after

your physical health so the values

finding your voice knowing your values

are very critical you can't force these

things though and you know when I talk

to CEOs of businesses or leaders of

businesses they've got pulled into a

vortex of ambition like this whirlwind

of ambition that actually is fantastic

if economies create that culture because

they create to the fear and they create

the culture of you're lacking and

therefore scarcity and and fear and you

lack and the market is a brilliance has

it online saying you could be more

successful you could be richer you could

be more beautiful which immediately when

you actually read that your subconscious

hears I am lacking really wave love so

brilliant it's so clever but revolting

so we have to step away from things like

social media and comparison and

Roosevelt said comparison is the thief

of joy it's my favorite quote yeah it's

brilliant isn't it love it yeah

absolutely and and it's it takes a huge

amount of reprogramming your mind to

stop doing that

but at least once you're aware you're

doing it you feel yourself doing it you

call yourself back into line because

when you look at the ingredients of who

you are you know what makes you up there

is no single human being on this earth

the same as you say mercury your

knowledge your skills your intentions

your passions your experiences your

adversities you've it's just absolutely

nothing that could make someone the same

as you so therefore comparing yourself

is the first downward spiral really and

one that people are so locked into and

so you know anyone listening I'll just

say calm down listening to yourself just

have more self-awareness think of your

joys think of what really sets you on

fire all that's that which other people

will say but really do it not to make

money from it to begin with I saw

powerful again I mean I can resonate

with this and I'm not sure if you've

followed it in my story or any of my

progression but I try and say a lot of

this myself because again probably

similar to yourself I found myself in

the state of comparison initially

especially when I started the property

journey and I have this habit now and

I've kind of I don't do this in a way to

offend people or be rude but I've

stopped almost going on social media and

liking people's posts and stuff because

what I effectively do now is I have a

message every morning or every evening

that I want to share with the world and

what I'll do is I'll write it out and

I'll send it out and all of a sudden I'm

off social media I'm not there to see

how many likes I get or how many shares

I get because if I fix ain't myself on

that metric in itself what's gonna

happen is if it's law one day the next

day I might be scared to share my truth

again and I think I think one of the

important things you touched on again is

people are almost in this panic of we

don't have it but they probably do and

it's a patience game I suppose and where

I always say to people he's just speak

your truth speak whatever that comes to

you it's your own perspective it'll

resonate with certain people and we're

almost in a society where people are

trying to almost say key and buzzwords

because they feel like that's what they

need to almost same and I think you hit

the nail on the head and I think with

your experiences Ryan you just briefly

mentioned the coaching aspect I think

people listening to this show can gain

so much value from that so I just wanted

to touch on your mastermind that you

mentioned is that what's something that

people would necessarily need to do in

person or is it something that you can

do online from the comfort of your own

home a really great question so I've

been on my own journey and I'm gonna

come back to that if that's not too

annoying so really so when I my - I call

myself an accidental entrepreneur for

years because I was when I came up with

he had a me I didn't know his tiger by

the tail but I had and then I started my

second business after he had me call

digital use academy which it was highly

impactful it was working

young people I created the digital

marketing apprenticeship that is now

widely used and I got investors to put

money in we invested three hundred and

fifty thousand pounds in an e-learning

cent system and we distributed that

through further education colleges as an

apprenticeship and over three years I

out two thousand unemployed very hard to

reach young people into jobs giving them

the confidence that their digital skills

had value in the world and and hoping

that they would go into it with us the

sort of culture that I believe in around

social media so that was my second what

I call on two-player journey then I

started my third which is called the

business cafe and it was that part of

the journey that broke me because it was

another push and what I feel is um the

term entrepreneur is really dangerous to

me entrepreneurs are creating something

from nothing and have massive ambition

and Luke Johnson in his book stops

startup I think it's called said

ambition is a curse and not everybody

has it right to be a true entrepreneur

you have to be massively ambitious and

you have to know how much you're willing

to sacrifice in terms of time money and

gratification because being true you're

building something as scales and has

impact and this is the Silicon Valley

world you know go out raise 300 million

dollars and there and reduce all your 1%

and you know it's long busks and Mark

Zuckerberg the thing that a lot of

people your generation and two cents

that my generation came you know we we

witnessed from about 20 to 23 years ago

when ecommerce everything started so I

would say that you know it's a curse to

call yourself an entrepreneur unless you

truly are so my own personal journey is

and where I am finding so much joy now

going back to your original question

yeah is that I was employed had my

children then became an entrepreneur

accident accidentally then they became

an entrepreneur a game with digital

youth academy then tried to be an

entrepreneur game with the business cafe

and I still want to bring the business

cafe to market but when I broke my basic

my cup was full I was overflowing for

even a got out of bed

my resilience had gone and I was

exhausted and burnt and the way I've

come back is by saying actually I'm

going to be a small business much nicer

of course yeah

a small business is what is my value to

one person and how can I exchange that

value for money and impact their lives

directly so at the moment starting from

January when I launched my mastermind

and my mentoring coaching program this

year I only need to work with about 34

amazing people and I will fulfill not

only my emotional needs but my financial

needs and when I go into a room with

somebody I'm coaching I know that I get

that gratification I'm not only seeing

the impact I'm making on that one person

but also they're paying me yeah money is

actually ultimately one of the ways we

get our worth it is it's I know we don't

chase money but if we're broken and I've

been broken and if we can't financially

afford to feed our children trying to be

an entrepreneur is a very very dangerous

journey so going back to your question

am i delivering it online yes I've been

asked that a lot

yeah if as soon as I do that I'm

stepping away from my direct impacts in

terms of I'm putting a computer between

me and and being able to love and hold

and touch and care and look in the eyes

of the people I'm wanting to impact and

so this year that's what I'm doing thank

you for that answer so I want to play

devil's advocate just a little bit on

the the last night you said there so I

fully understand the whole direct beep

there directly impact them hold them

love them and touch these people that

you weren't have been on a one-to-one

basis and I suppose when I first started

personal training I literally started

personal training because one I had lost

a lot of weight and done a qualification

with a bit of spare change I had but I

thought it would pay for my way through

uni and then obviously doing that I

really enjoyed it I loved transforming

lives and seeing people lose weight gain

confidence which again I felt fantastic

as being mothered journey and I got to a

point myself as I and I remember

I should take this online and almost do

like an online coaching for personal

training where I will check in with

clients online again losing that that

one-to-one communication thing but at

the same time getting back some of my

time so my yeah and perhaps potentially

making more money and I initially kind

of was with yourself I was like I don't

want to do that it's got it's kind of

almost dilute my power and my gift that

I have when I work with people but then

at the same time I had somebody question

me and again this is a question I wanna

ask you is do you not then feel because

in this very brief moment with yourself

the reason I ask this is because I don't

want it to be that penny is based in

this part of the world or this part of

UK and we don't have access to penny

right now because I feel that if you are

able to connect with more people yes the

message might be slightly diluted but I

think your message is so powerful that

you could affect so many more people so

is it something that maybe your identity

later or I used sorry I'm gonna give you

a really long answer to this Aren okay

so at the moment I don't believe in

myself enough okay it's getting there

and this is the story I'm gonna tell you

and it's absolutely true and it's the

most up to date story I can tell you

about my life okay yeah please do I have

always wondered why people would spend

money on an aspen all our mulberry or

Gucci handbag right so you're gonna

think where the hell she kept okay I

never needed it

I never wanted even when Thomas and I

had money you know and life was a bit

easier didn't turn me on Thomas came

back from Dubai once on a speech has

brought me back in a beautiful good she

box a handbag and it sat in the box for

three years I never used it didn't write

and but my daughter Hannah who we talked

about a little bit and and hopefully you

might interview so absolutely would be

an honor so when she was 20 and I we

didn't spoil our children they had to

work from the age of from a young age

and at 16 they got jobs in supermarkets

or Starbucks or whatever and age 20 she

got an internship at Barclays and I met

her after work one day and we went off

to Marbury

just off Oxford Street and she spent 900

pounds in a bag I didn't judge her I

didn't judge at all is her money she'd

worked hard for it and that was some

symbolism she wanted that bag and she

had this private relationship Reeves my

big my older sister who's 10 years old

and me because my elder sister he's 10

years old of me loves designer handbags

and I used to watch quite jealously this

but I think I want to join that Club I'm

not in certainly sign a handbag but I

was quite jealous of these this banter

that I would hear and then looking at

each other's bags because ever since

then Hannah's brought more bags anyway

when I started this mastermind group we

were meeting at some Pancras station

it's beautiful meeting place and a

restaurant there and that's where my

master minds are going to be in a

private room there and I had 12 separate

meetings because I have a four-hour one

to one with all the masterminds before

they join and I would walk past an

Aspinall shop right eight and I walk

past it looked in sort of smug that all

Hannah would love that and walked up

these steps into this restaurant anyway

one day I about the bath Inc was about

the ninth meeting I went into the

Aspinall shop took a photo of this

lovely handbag and said to Hannah

you'd love this handbag Hannah and she

said yeah is lovely the next time I went

back my 10th time I went in and I got it

off the shelf and I put it on my

shoulder oh yes quite not put it back

11th time went back went in looked at it

and asked him how much it was and talked

to him about it last week was my 12th

time and I said to Hannah the night

before I was going back to London for my

12th meeting Hannah I fallen in love

with an astronaut bag yeah and she went

by it by it mom buy it buy it buy it

really and she said I am mom you really

deserve it buy it so I said don't be no

somebody who works for Aspen or

something I could get a 30% discount

oh yeah I can look into overnight if you

want mum so we'll do that that'd be

lovely done it anyway next morning I

woke up to get the train to London my

job meeting and I sent her a text and

said Hannah I'm gonna buy it I don't

want it discounted I went in and I

bought it and we came home and we

champagne while I opened it at home and

Thomas said to me just said out of the

blue how come you've decided to buy

yourself back and I said Thomas I'm

worth it and it was so poignant that

everybody cried because Hannah has said

to me mum why don't you believe in

yourself you've gotten an OBE look what

you've done look at the lives you've

changed look everything you've done and

I said I just didn't believe it inside

me until I've got I do now so this is

the most up to date story I can tell you

our an a my journey and it's been really

interesting I share it because I'm

really open with everyone if somebody

wants to judge me for the the pain I've

been through and the losses I've been

through and judge me is a bad business

person because I'm not achievable you

know I could have achieved I don't I

really don't care about that I'm just me

and um and I will share that that story

with the world because it's we've got to

find our own self worth deep deep deep

down now so in answer to your story

which was bad to me to go online and

expect somebody to want to pay for an

electronic version of me I haven't got

to that point yet believing in myself

enough

that's incredible thank you for sharing

that I'm grateful for you sharing that

because as you were saying that there

were so many parts of it maybe some of

the listeners could probably resonate

with it where I'm on this

entrepreneurial journey where I'm kind

of bootstrapping

as and when I can and stuff like the bag

if we use trainers for example where my

younger brother who's nine years younger

than me we're going spend to endure

parents on a pair of trainers where I'm

like I can't do that I can't possibly

think I'm doing that I mean you grew up

in slightly different generations where

finances were different and growing up

but I don't know something tempting just

click there and I thought maybe there is

a is an element within myself where my

self-worth needs to kind of at least be

reflected on and maybe people listening

to this can reflect on that because it

was a beautiful moment I could almost

picture you coming home

popping up and that bottle of champagne

and then having this moment where you're

like do you know what I am worth it so

it's a beautiful story that you've just

shared there and in relation to the

diluting the message

thing which is the question that I asked

you and you feel that you're not

necessarily worth it now can I just ask

is that kind of like an impostor

syndrome that's going through your head

or do you I think it's partly that I've

watched so many I don't want swear you

can sway tosses is the places I say sell

a dream online and manipulate and and

corrupt I don't want to be part of that

world and I've seen people close to me

you know hire an expensive house rent a

fat Ferrari and stand outside and say

you can be as rich as me if you do my

program and and they are multi

millionaires but I have seen so many

lost souls back up their lives leaving

that story and so I've got to I've got

to get to a point where for me to join

that world I've really got to feel safe

that I am never going to do that to

anyone penny I loved that about you

that's like for me it's kind of like

about the Family Fortunes TV episode

going through my head reach that top

answer and it's like kind of bleeding

because for me it's one of the things

that I hold very close to my heart so I

I got taught off by my wife actually

last night so this is a very current

story and I was writing a post and I

kind of just write post from my heart or

whatever I think I don't spellcheck it I

don't think about it I just literally

write it there and then and as I was

writing it I sinner peeping over it she

was kind of looking at it like why you

kind of she's seen it as me being kind

of argumentative or not I'm just trying

to think of the wrong bird a bit against

the grain kind of thing because my

message yesterday was very similar to

yourself so I'm in the property space

and in the property space there are all

these millionaires selling this poor

thing

dream and I absolutely hate it because I

was fortunate that I had 12,000 pounds

left in my account which I spent on the

education I still believe I would have

been where I am now without that

education because in hindsight it wasn't

as good as I've published sin so since

then I have probably

move people away from the education and

I've offered my free service I've given

my course material that I've paid

thousands for because I'm like listen

you can learn all this yourself you

don't need this shiny book or this

course that's gonna change your life

because I've done it I joined this

course thinking twelve months time I'm

gonna be a multi-millionaire blah blah

blah all of that so you've obviously

seen these kind of and I put crooks I

don't call them houses but appearances

is probably a better word and it really

really it gets it gets to me because at

the same time I also feel I have value

in some of my skills that's where I can

go out and coach an extensive amount of

people but then I almost getting this

impostor syndrome myself thinking I

don't want to ever be seen like these

people out there exactly doing it the

wrong way so I fully get there and

obviously we're at different stages in

life you're a lot more advanced and

experienced than myself and I get that

and at the same time I'm like I'm seeing

people with less experience than myself

who have fabricated their results taking

good selfies on one Facebook and then

all of a sudden the selling weekend

courses for two thousand pounds and I

read a book recently on it and it was

about neuro linguistic programming NRP

called the dark psychology and there was

a brilliant quote in that and what it

said was you can either manipulate

people or persuade people basically and

the people there's a lot of people who

say I want to help you I want to do this

for you and you need to be able to

assess are they trying to manipulate you

I looking at their own self gain

irrespective of whether it's going to

actually get you what they're promised

in you or are they're just trying to

persuade you to abandon life and I'm I'm

grateful that I've managed to have this

interview with you and lets you connect

with you because you're one of the good

people and it's nice to see somebody

doing it the right way and I do feel

that sometimes we may not get there as

quick as other people and we may have to

probably face more obstacles but I just

believe it's just so much easier to go

to sleep at night doing things the right

way well it does it goes back to what

you said at the beginning about your

core values and and and whether you can

sleep itself you know these CEOs that

Sam you this someone was telling me they

coach it said the CEOs are in fear of

losing their jobs or their business

because all around them they have no

la they've just lost everything we've

lost their wives they live no

relationship with their children in

their strife for success of whatever

they decided success would be when they

were young they have and now they sit in

fear in these big jobs because if they

lost their job or they lost their

business they have nothing else left and

I think we have to think about what is

it we want to surround ourselves with

Tomas and I have lost everything and we

still had our marriage and our children

and it's it's all that matters that's to

me that's the possible and I think

people need to go deep into their values

but they chase this ambition or this

dream or this comparison or whatever it

is that's confusing them yeah absolutely

I think that's a fantastic message thank

you for sharing that penny I really

appreciate it

so now that you're you're definitely an

entrepreneur I think I don't think

anyone's gonna disagree that you're an

entrepreneur whether it is by accident

or whatever I mean I feel I'm a big

believer that everything happens for a

reason and if we choose to we can find

our own way and I'm grateful that you

found your own way but what I want to

ask is so for somebody who's been

through been through it all should I say

in terms of the journeys of ups and

downs what's your daily routine like

because I'm a firm believer that

motivation doesn't last forever and I am

strongly I'm strongly for sorry and that

we should discipline ourselves in

certain aspects hence your nutrition or

the thoughts you tell yourself

affirmations being grateful all that

sort of stuff in order to get through

the darker days and not everyone speaks

about the darker days but what's your

daily routine like Monday to Sunday um

so I am always been an early Waker even

as you know child when I was teenager

did my revision early I always wake so

does my husband around 5:00 o'clock and

we love that and we go down and get two

cups of tea each one of us goes and gets

four cups of tea

and we do have that television in the

bedroom which we absolutely love so this

morning we watched we loved all the

dramas we watched the final of mother

father son for example and we lie in bed

together and we hole

has and we have a cup of tea and we

watch that and then we do that from our

now this is I'm not rushing to London

for trade and then I share and then I

for the last six years I have made a

very lovely drinks which contains

spinach kale berries chia seeds flax

seeds hue carrot and and then I start

work because I love work so either start

work in the office or I will go to

London I do try to go to London after

10:00 because hey the trains are so much

cheaper oh I go on the train I mean it's

you know how much that makes a

difference to your monthly outgoings if

you if you do have a discipline of doing

that and I just feel better if I do that

then I get a good start in the morning

and then my ideal day is to coach one

client today about three times a week so

in the afternoons

I'll meet at this lovely place and coach

them if it's better in the mornings I

will do the morning because it's really

down to where they when they get their

best energy of course Alice and three

times a week I'm really grimacing here I

try to go to the gym okay Red Mill and

do some weights but I'm not achieving

that very well moment and I do have a

yoga routine that I try to do every

morning before I get dressed that's it

fantastic do you do any sort of them I

mean I know you've touched on yoga there

do you do any meditation or any

gratitude journaling or writing your

goals down is that so I do I am I have a

attitude of blessings and gratitude all

through the day and I do start my day

with that I definitely don't even have

to consciously do it I just comes into

my mind that I have not that I feel it

now it's I think it's incredibly

powerful that mindfulness meditation

that would completely elude me I just

don't have you do that but mindfulness

I'm trying to learn that my son who's

studying psychology at University who

and there's quite a high performing but

very him puts a lot of pressure on

himself a lot of pressure on himself

he's learnt mindfulness and he's

actually done a certificate in it now

and he has it's it's incredible how its

transformed him he said he can't live

without it and so it is that's an

discipline I'm trying to bring into my

life like I've got it

fantastic and just actually if we may

just going back to something we touched

on earlier we touched on mental fitness

and I know we spoke about this before I

click the record button yeah do you want

to just briefly elaborate on that as

well because I think that's going to be

very important for the lissa so I when I

had this sort of breaking moment I

ultimately took a while but in the end

the psychologist diagnosed me with PTSD

which I always thought needed to be a

huge trauma you know something it

directly happened to you but PTSD is

basically anything that everyday comes

back into your mind and it is and it

fills your cup before you because at

work Venus that started today and I had

12 things that from the age of 3 through

to about 3 years ago that were still on

pains that I hadn't accepted and

reconciled and I wasn't a victim of them

but they were still front of mind and I

had to go through a process called EMDR

to work through them which was a hard

exhausting painful process of acceptance

and letting it go and then when you do

it goes into your you might back in your

mind the other thing that I got

diagnosed with is a form of depression

called cursive strong which is a bad

book by dr. tim cavanaugh on

he owned a Mazon he worked for the

Priory and he found that people that

were coming to him who were very dynamic

very hardworking high levels of

discipline were he'd ended up diagnosing

hit them with this and what I got

diagnosed with and it's basically a form

of depression that means you will not

self care and look after yourself right

if you just get up every day and you

just keep pushing until until you just

you just just exhausted and so when I

was going through my psyche my group

therapy and times with my psychologist

which talked about in my book

there was healing triggers and emotional

mental repair that I talked about in my

book that I feel is relevant to every

entrepreneur every human yeah I believe

around your belief systems your values

to thoughts your feelings your

personality type etc and what I then

thought was actually if I had no in this

twenty years ago before I became an

entrepreneur or even younger I would

have focused on my mental fitness not

moment I'd not got to a point where I

had mental health issues so now I'm an

advocate of mental fitness because I

think that there are things that we

could learn about ourselves so to me

resilience isn't about how hard the

punches are that you are willing to take

and bounce back from resilience is like

a boxer you learn what to dodge you've

done the things that your personality

and your who you are and what matters to

you that you do not want to be

confronted by and you dodge and that

would enter Fitness to me fantastic

actually the first time I've heard it

explained like that I think I think the

message is clear though and I'm quite

fascinated now you've got me intrigued

into your own personal book so I know I

don't read books in terms of the

hardcovers but I am an advocate of

audible and listening to books is your

book available as an audible version or

is it strictly a hardcopy

no it is I went into studio recorded it

so it's on audio it's on Kindle and it's

on poppy yeah okay fantastic so there's

no excuse for me not to buy that then

I'll definitely be checking that out

thank you for that thank you okay so the

next thing I always ask my guests and

again this is something that will

hopefully give the listeners maybe

lessons that they can take on or some

sort of advice is about adversity now

you've obviously been through a lot of

adversity some of it we probably haven't

even touched in this very short episode

so I know you mentioned briefly and you

lost your house you mentioned I think it

was November you were having these

mental health challenges if you could

either choose one of those or something

else in your life where you've been

through adversity and just tell us how

you've basically overcame that and the

lessons that you've got from it just to

kind of give the listeners maybe some

tools that they could perhaps use yeah

y'know happily so there have been I

mentioned that there were I think I

mentioned there were twelve things on my

list when I went to the psychologist

that bothered me that was still throw

front of mind went back to his childhood

not that I was abused or anything but

there was something you know things that

bothered me and all the way up to adults

so I think one of the greatest learnings

was that the second business that I

started digital youth academy I got some

investors involved I didn't do any true

diligence on them but because I had

known of them and they certainly seemed

to have my best interests in the passion

of the business in their hearts when

they invested but I think I was at a

point of scarcity when I went into that

relationship which is always dangerous

whether you're taking on a client or a

supplier or a marriage whatever you owe

into it in a scarcity fear mindset then

it's going to be very difficult and so

ultimately I had to work my way out of

that relationship even though I loved

that business very much we had to exit

and sell that business and the issue was

that because I was in scarcity and

clearly was lacking in personal

self-worth I enabled them to have

control over me and one of the things

that strapline of my book is how to lead

the life and business that you want and

I was told by actually somebody who

worked for me in that business Russell

who now runs the Starbucks

apprenticeship program across Europe he

was a brilliant guy he was ops director

working with me and he said to me pet

one day penny I can tell and when I

first met you two who you are now things

you're not as happy as you used to be

I said well that's a real shame and he

said I watched a documentary last night

and they said there were three parts of

happiness and they've done a big study

globally and three parts were 50% of

happiness is your Constitution are you a

happy person he said penny you always

happy and you are a happy person

10% is the achievement of the things you

want and you know in this study we know

that we all always want something else

soon as we got something we always want

something else that's why us so much and

innovate and keep going you know we're

not happy

why we're not animals and that's why we

are so progressive 40% of happiness is

how much control you have a have over

your own life and decisions you make and

he said clearly you're being controlled

and I was now I had to then unwind that

and I talked about this in my book how

sometimes you have to positively

surrender to a situation and I realized

that I wasn't going to change a pattern

that we had created between us as a

relationship where they were assertive

and I was passive where they were the

adult and effectively they were treating

me as a child and it was my own doing

because I went into this relationship

already in a bad place yeah and so part

of the learning I had to go through is

I've got to a point in my life where

anybody who was assertive with me I had

was labeling them in my head as a bully

so I was catastrophizing anybody who

seemed to want to have control over me

anybody that had an opinion that was

strong I saw as bullying and I had to

learn as a naturally not assertive

person anyway I had to learn to be more

assertive and realized that being

assertive is actually a very adult

communication style it doesn't have to

be angry that's one one lesson I can

pass on absolutely I think that's a

lesson that I've had to learn myself as

well because when I first I property I

was very probably a similar situation to

yourself as our kind of put people on a

pedestal yeah I think thinking that I

wasn't worthy or didn't have in much

knowledge yeah yeah in fact I probably

did in hindsight now the funny thing is

I got ripped off I got builders running

away taking advantage of me I had

potential business partners see me as

naive and trying to make me do more work

than initially agreed to so I had all

these kind of problems and teeth and

issues initially as well and I remember

my mom actually saying and you need to

you need to be stronger you need to stop

being like a walk or a pushover and I

was just like it's just who I am as in

and I was always confident that if I

didn't become this again I assumed it

had to be a nasty dictation person and I

was as long as I just be myself

somewhere along the line I will get the

right

kind of people around me and and maybe I

have developed some level of

assertiveness over the last few years

but I've certainly now got a team around

me who I can trust and they know me from

my skills I know them for their skills

and it certainly helped but I think you

hit the nail on the head there where you

said it's a skill to learn and and in my

head it's always been if I come across

too assertive are people gonna think I'm

a bully or embossing axe or whatever it

is so yeah that's really interesting I

think I think people can definitely

resonate with that good yeah definitely

so penny what's your biggest fear um

I suppose my biggest fear is currently

is long-term sustainable income because

we you know when you lose everything and

I'm it's amazing some people I'm

attracting now as co2 coach them is a

lot of people in their 50s that have

huge skills and but they haven't really

been able to manage their business life

the way they needed to and and create

that sustainable income so I love

working so I'm going to be very happy

working well into my 70s and Beyond if

people still have me but creating some

sense of security into my old age is is

probably what what I suppose drives me

but also drives me negatively because it

is also a fear okay that's interesting

so a bit of a shameless plug here have

you thought about property investing as

I sort of yes I've not anywhere near

that place to be able to even consider

that well if you ever ask them please do

reach out yeah I will I appreciate that

and I will and I think we'll definitely

do that much thank you so much what

we're gonna do now is actually we're

going to completely mix it up now we're

going to go into what I call the fun

part of the show so at this stage of the

show all I'm gonna do is literally ask

you the most random questions that I can

think of from my list in front of me

you've got no idea what I'm gonna ask

you we're gonna do the buzzer for about

60 to 90 seconds so there are no right

or wrong answers so literally just say

the first thought that comes into your

head oh gosh that's very good god yes no

no you'll be absolutely fine okay we're

gonna start in three two one

what did you eat for breakfast my shake

the ability to fly or be invisible lie

what is the best thing about being an

entrepreneur Breeden if you could

eliminate one thing from your daily

routine what would it be

exercise what is the best gift anyone

has ever given to you my children would

you rather have a rewind button or a

pause button on life pause don't say

where your fame o'money

your proudest moment my children

graduating your favorite food choice

okay Netflix our YouTube Netflix your

number-one goal this year to help 34

people achieve their dreams your

favorite TV show ever pride and

prejudice

would you rather know how you would die

or when you were dying how if you could

sit with one person in the world for an

hour who would it be my husband speak

all languages or be able to speak to

animals all speak to animals and finally

if you could abolish one thing in the

world what would it be

religion okay fantastic so that's the

end of the fun part of the show it

wasn't that hard was it

no that's very good okay brilliant so

we're almost at the end of the show now

I just got the last final few questions

I just want to ask you penny and now the

next question is about reflection so

obviously hindsight's a wonderful thing

where we can always think of ways to get

ourselves somewhere quicker easier or

with less heartache but I guess the

journey also teaches us a lot as well so

what I want to know is if knowing

exactly what you know now you could go

back to a younger penny and maybe

whisper something in their ears to

inspire her for the journey that lies

ahead

what would you say it'll all be okay I

think I've probably just give her that

comfort really just that reassurance

it's just the reassurance yeah and that

actually suddenly brings us to the last

question then what for the show and

again this is something asked for all of

my guests and it's about legacy so if in

150 years time science fails to save us

all and all that's left is this book and

this book is about penny and her life

and everything she's accomplished and

all of the great wonderful things

firstly what would the title of the book

tell us and secondly what would the

blurb at the back read to us cost I off

the cuff yeah well the first the title I

thought was love okay and it would just

say that that love is the most powerful

force in the world and the more that you

can live within that energy and be that

energy and give that energy the better

your life will be thank you for sharing

okay brilliant so that brings us to

literally the end of the show and just

before I leave penny what I want to do

is give you a chance to connect with the

audience so if you wouldn't mind could

you please tell everyone listening how

they could reach you and maybe if you

have time and the capacity for them to

maybe engage with you that's very kind

thank you so I'm on Twitter so at penny

power I'm on LinkedIn so I'll be easily

found as penny power I'm on Facebook but

unfortunately I think I've just about

reached that five thousand limits and

I'm absolutely rubbish and got to put my

page right but I don't have a page I've

got a lovely community on Facebook

called the business cafe global and

that's a very caring very honest and

real community of small businesses I'm

on Instagram as penny F power and then I

have a website which is penny power UK

and on there there's different contact

forms that's fantastic and what I will

do is I will put all of those details in

the show notes thank you that's very

kind

no no you're very welcome I'll also put

a link to the book as well because I'm

looking forward to reading that myself

and I just want to say once again penny

thank you so much for your time today

it's actually been a fascinating talk

even the stuff we spoke about before the

episode and I just wanna thank you for

your time I want to thank everyone at

home as well

thanks for listening wonderful and

remember this podcast is absolutely free

so all we ask in return is for you to

share this with a friend and drop us a

five star review over on iTunes have an

awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to control your thoughts and manage depression #19

Mon, 29 Apr 2019 04:55:37 GMT

Find your voice - Episode 19- "How to control your thoughts and manage depression" - Alex Roberts #19

Tagline: "Do what you want to do, not what people want you to do "

Alex Roberts, was a recommended to me by a friend and little did I know he was actually a neighbour...well almost! Despite sharing the same postcode, love for personal training, fitness, heath and mindset we also shared a lot of personal stories in this episode.

More so from Alex who bravely who showcases his vulnerability by openly talking about depression, anxiety and his struggles with grief and the loss of his father. A genuinely humble guy who has achieved success by just being himself and helping people on a daily basis. His approach to self talk has inspired and motivated me, and he hits on so many key aspects during this interview that we can all implement and take on board to enhance our levels of happiness and mindset

A shining example that what you see, isn't what you always get and the importance of never judging a book by its cover.

I thank Alex for his openness, his bravery and for being an all round great guy. I urge you all to support and follow his journey as he is a great person to know and connect with.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Links to guest:

Website: https://www.alexrobertsfitness.co.uk

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AlexRobertsPersonalTraining

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aliro898/

Have an awesome day

#JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren do what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aren and as always I am the

host of the show so I'm extremely

excited to be bringing you Alex Roberts

to the show today and Alex is somebody

who was actually recommended to me via a

friend now alex is a personal trainer

similar to myself we have similar

interests but what really struck a chord

with me when I spoke to Alex prior to

him coming on this episode was he's

battled with anxiety over well and

depression now I can't diagnose myself

in depression because I've never been

clinically diagnosed with it but when it

comes to ins ie a novel one boy can I

relate so it was extremely interesting

to hear his side of this and I suppose

when many of you follow his journey

after this which I'm very soon you're

gonna want to do you're gonna see his

social media profile and think wow is

this the guy on the episode because like

many of us we judge a book by its cover

and Alex when you see his cover on

Instagram you wouldn't necessarily think

this is an individual who perhaps

suffers in the way that he explains on

this interview so I think without

further ado we're gonna get straight

into this and once again I just want to

thank everyone for their amazing support

we've now hit well over 100 reviews

thank you so so much for that

okay so firstly I just want to thank

Alex for coming on the show today how

you doing today I'm fine

you good where is good fantastic yeah

I'm not you're coming you sure it's

alright that's good stuff so I know Alex

briefly we've spoken obviously on social

media that's where we connected we're

actually neighbors we don't live too far

from each other actually five minutes

literally yes so I think it's important

for the listeners who are listening to

this

today to get to understand a little bit

about yourself so a little bit about

your story and basically what's brought

you here in your life situation today

I've recently been doing my own sort of

videos and songs are in depression

myself I've never really experienced any

mental health problems at all until I

lost my dad four years ago now yeah four

years ago I didn't had a single problem

didn't really suffer from anxiety

depression or anything but it seemed to

be that significant sort of traumatic

moment and brought brought a number of

problems okay as such so yeah I'd say

the 1 4 Matic man was obviously losing

my dad which then spiraled on to a

number of other things later down the

line a first sort of new heir sort of

mental health problems was funnily

enough when out in New York the

Christmas okay after I'd lost my dad

I was literally walking down one of the

streets going towards Grand Central

Station and I'm I just felt so like

overwhelmed it was said he was so

strained and that felt anything like had

just overwhelmed and I was just like

Bestway describing he was trapped inside

my own head rocky do you Jonesy no I

mean I sort of trapped in my own head

and I was I was just really overwhelmed

for no particular reason at all and

that's when that's um the main sort of

defining defining time where I sort of

felt and knew but I was suffering from

sort of mental elf right and this was

four years ago yeah how old are you know

if you don't want me that's for 27 so

you're 27 so around the age of 23 was

you so just for the listeners now

obviously I know you're a personal

trainer you've been doing personal

training for how many years five or six

five six years so you actually a

personal trainer at this point as well

yes okay so in terms of we'll jump back

to where you are now so in terms unlike

your general life going up to say 23

before this moment happened what kind of

stuff was you do was it was you always

into the training the model those inter

trained not not so much to mine okay so

the mind absolutely not I don't think

many of us know what

no I'm not yeah not a thing I was very

sporty I play good level of rugby player

after County fantastic I was at

university very very very carefree okay

I'd say I really didn't give it yeah

absolutely

very carefree very still I'm out going

to an extent now but slightly a bit more

reserved let's say we're very bubbly I

was on track with with Union stuff but

yeah in terms of tuning into the mind or

so into is my intuition if you if you'd

like and then when you had that tragic

moment when you lost your dad that's

when I started realizing order in a

second it's one thing training our body

it's another thing yeah yeah later

percent and have you so what have you

done then since then cuz obviously

you're similar to me in that respect so

I we touched on it briefly before this

sometime personal training myself right

yeah and I understand the importance of

you know looking after yourself

physically but more so now I train every

day more for this ya know Mike and

people don't get that people might think

is for aesthetics or for a six-pack or

something it's truly not yeah it's truly

two combines ie not have that V anymore

yeah is that something that you do as

well so I think now yeah training is

very much a part of me improving my

mindset as well now it's probably the

most essential thing for me now

so I know it's a difference when I don't

train serotonin levels drop in except I

know some big difference

lack of energy that's not now was the

that was the main one for me cuz I had a

week off my own training a couple of

weeks back and I was just tired and

waking up tired going to bed tired it

was just yeah boy it's one of them like

but then you start self sabotaging

yourself don't you for not draining them

well in reality your body needs to rest

but yeah I mean it's very important for

the mindset nonetheless and the more

people can recognize that yeah the

better creasy's yourself were you've got

goal you've got a target point you gotta

you've got a goal point focal point

mm-hmm so in terms of briefly you meant

like the mental health thing would you

call it anxiety and overwhelm or would

you actually call it depression have you

been diagnosed or is it something that

your yeah I mean oh yeah well I suffered

well still suffer from anxiety now okay

but I had my main by that bad episode

last January I have nowhere right

absolutely out of nowhere so obviously

when I lost my dad I was quite low and

Bobby that will be the best time very

numb okay maybe didn't understand as

much as I should have done what was

going on maybe so I sort of known to the

feeling's boffing last January that that

was a real scary moment or a scary point

I think my sleep started to go and once

you sleep starts where you don't deal

very well with all our suffering with

insomnia this was about two weeks so I

jumped on some medication friends are in

depression and slowly slowly start to

lift okay and it was quite amazing

really because we've in the space of a

year

I don't it's mad mad to think about a

bought Mustang right I traveled over I

know another free countries child

another three countries changed

workplaces again and I'm not saying this

was from the tablets whatsoever but I

also think another defining thing I

bought some of Tony Robbins he's content

okay a big mindset guy guru and I bought

his content and did that for three or

four weeks and that was a bit of a game

changer as well that's brilliant

so in the space of six months to a year

and switched from literally rock-bottom

I mean when I say rock-bottom I was I

had to move to my mom's for about two

weeks would you say you were ever

suicidal I had thoughts I've never had

never come tried to commit now I did

have thoughts but I would never do okay

I know but never done it but and yeah I

got to that I got to that sort of very

low point

just lying on a sofa watching the TV and

he was he was a terrible terrible part I

think my mom was really shocked as well

that I've gone from that to that point

in course here it was crazy

Wow and I was helpless to it mmm it felt

like I couldn't do anything like now

obviously in hindsight you can recognize

you were in this kind of slum yeah yeah

so in that particular moment would you

oblivious to it like how you acted right

okay not clear okay couldn't do a thing

it's crazy it was literally at zero Wow

and it was a kind of Tommy Tory Robin

sorry Tony well and it's fully enough so

watch these pearl he's got he's got a

program on that let's call them I am NOT

your guru yeah and I watched that every

day for like five days I'm going to cry

a lot yeah I was crying there's one

scene with it with the lady who had

suicidal woman yeah yeah that's what

pulled me out of it okay the suicidal

woman when she said like I can't cope no

more a car and that was a turning point

I vote no more of this now yeah yeah got

myself back into work so obviously at

this point I was in Ireland

okay I'm self-employed or wasn't earning

I'm off work I'm in January a really

busy periods of all these sports all

these sports are going on yeah yeah but

yet just completely overwhelmed felt

like I was way out of control

Wow didn't have a clue what was going on

how to tackle it so this six-month

transition now you've got you've got the

Mustang you've gone travelling you've

sort of lifted yourself back up again

yeah sort of finding your way again

yeah is that a recent event now are we

talking is that now her arm

how's your position right now good

strong fantastic strong I mean from last

January to this January's been very

strong okay and so on food threat this

year and just find that then so I

followed Tony Robbins I follow a lot of

pa yeah because I have to how I put food

in my mouth how I lift weights I have to

also put stuff into my mind yeah Bagon

on that sort of stuff whatever it is

whoever you you know you resonate with I

think you should put it into you yeah

yeah because otherwise you start

watching the news your thoughts are

completely the wrong way yeah in with

the way that I wouldn't recommend if you

want like a strong mindset yeah so so

that's it

and so what I want to know now is

obviously you're in a good place now

touch briefly on the gym stuff what's

your daily habits like now because I'm

thinking there's probably a thousand

people listening to this who can

resonate with what you've just gone

through the anxiety that feeling of just

being in a rock yeah and I believe that

motivation doesn't last forever and it

comes down to a level of discipline to

kind of just get over those bad days

yeah so what kind of routines do you do

on there like a daily basis I mean I try

my best to sort of get up the same time

every day quickly c'est quoi best 7

Harper 7 mmm saying you've got that

solid routine

I normally have breakfast as normal I

won't so I'll prep the food for the day

ahead or the on coming days because I'd

normally have gaps ok in between clients

I can pop em and prep all the food yo D

it's fresh then as well of course I'm

fortunate enough that I can come back

home and get obviously so I've got a

stress with crap not saying it's a bad

thing to prep into brilliant things yeah

absolutely I don't do that anymore I

could do so close myself yeah I can just

come pop back so they're not all go to

work do like my morning sessions maybe

straight through into the afternoon then

train and maybe come back then a few

more you need depends on what the

Diaries looking like okay nighttime I

don't really have caffeine past 2 3

o'clock ok I cook caffeine off I'm not

too picky with food late at night

doesn't it doesn't really bother me yeah

as long song again and that calories

that any impaired a that

really matter fury at 11 o'clock or not

more so more freedom like yeah I like to

sleep like yeah yeah say yeah

then I'll obviously do what I was going

on meeting where the chat with friends

girls whatever whatever's on the agenda

I don't normally train in evenings okay

not normally I'd normally have it

wrapped up by get out of the way free

p.m. yeah training do you listen to

books do you read books do you do any

gratitude or goal-setting or anything

like that yeah it's funny enough for all

you're gonna see this is mad as well

oh I'd actually vote when I was in this

row yeah or as I was just coming out of

it last year I droped some goals down

and every single one was it happened it

was AMA I wrote it down on piece of

paper and stuck on the side of my bed on

the cupboard and one was buy a new card

said Range Rover originally why don't I

upped it out a lot but that was one I

got a new car yeah trap wait this is so

weird since it said travel to free

another three countries you've never

been to yeah we're not in trouble I went

to Dublin I went to Budapest I went to

Zurich Switzerland

damn what was the other Craig this is

the craziest one I think once said moot

move Jim places because it will change

the game this was these worldwide okay

Andy

I did that you spoke about the lid yeah

plastic my mindset was gone from there

to learn so I wasn't particularly happy

at work yeah mr. just was not helping

matters whatsoever yeah but it was just

weird and every single one that I wrote

down yeah yeah and I didn't refer back

to him all until one day I just looked

him before yeah yeah well this is the

thing so I'm very big on personal

development like I pride myself on my

last job think I read like 50 books or

something okay and the first ever this

is this is why we were quite similar

when I was 25 I was working in London at

the time and the first person

development guru I ever found was 20

Robbins yeah so I was listening to his

stuff I mean one of these tapes he

mentions writing it down and the

importance of goals and I remember I

that particular point I wrote down

I think it was like two three cause a

common belief there Birnam the phase 2

and it was 2 1 buy a house and two to

buy a golf always wanted a golf croquet

you could never afford one like mom and

dad blessing they brought me a fiat

punto which is like the best time ever

yeah it was all we could afford and is

your first car loved it to bits but in

my head was always like if I can get a

golf kind of made it yeah and at that

time again in a row tip I forgot about

it until about two three years later and

I'm getting a Scirocco cuz they've just

come out a stroke I look hard before

yeah they are amazing my kind of the

fault of sure up so ever so I'm meant to

get involved it's just kind of like in

my eyes a bit man upgrade yeah and I've

got buying my first investment hold and

so it was weird because I remember

finding my books women burrows moving as

a what's this and I'll pretend it's my

goals and that's why every time I've

done it it has worked so now one of my

kind of practices on every morning is to

what my goals now nothing you've just

proven that yes yes because what happens

subconsciously you're almost seeing the

opportunities out there and you're

probably driving more towards a 100

percent so yeah yeah I mean I write

goals down and what was everything was

talking about I meditate 39 ok yeah it's

when I was struggling in that bad past

I've seen tell okay can ask what your

meditation process is I just use a any

YouTube app that I really can we're rich

one for grieving cried she just loved it

I mean this loads so simple it's a

simple matter of I'm just thinking for

the listeners get on YouTube the stuffs

out there type in minute yeah yeah for

however long you can do it yeah yeah and

until you fall asleep

really that's why also you do at night

yeah I do it at night I don't really

tend to do a probably a good idea

because if you're anything like me but

I've got to sleep and I'm worrying about

other things I've got to do the name

yeah that's how the brain works so it's

very seductive at night isn't it yeah so

I tend to do it at night and sometimes I

won't use it if I'm quite chilled I'll

just go straight to sleep

it'll depend yeah yeah so your food

obviously you're a personal trainer and

I'm probably the worst person trying to

give food advice because I used to

suffer with binge eating I would be very

flexible with my diet so if I fancy

something I'm just gonna eat it because

I don't have been doin it later yeah so

my diet is a bit like I do get responses

on Instagram but how are you eating this

again to me it's all about calories yeah

you know what goes into your body you

barely enough effectively European K

yeah yeah body composition so have you

got any particular foods that you eat or

again um now I mean so up more flex

we're gonna try and cut down like so

obviously I've been bulking for Trump on

some mass a while now I finally hit 15

stone plus now so I think I'm back down

to 15 stone now was 15 stone fight four

weeks ago

yeah I'm 15 stone now so I'm quite

regimented leave it now as I cut down

when I'm trying to bulk up I'm not as

recommending I'm still in terms of the

foods I mean I'll keep the same foods

like every I'll change them up every two

weeks so if a breakfast still be oats

whey protein powder and not salt Ana's

milk yeah then two big meals of like

chicken noodle stir-fry and the last me

that we salmon I'm right and I'll be the

same for two weeks and ostrich eat of

wire okay it seems to be working

yeah and then obviously hydration is

asleep yeah I have loads I only drink

water really water and tea I could

pretty much have the same food I suppose

on all the time my only thing is when I

first died I took a everything that

you'd consider open commas here a bad

food yeah and then what was happening

was I did that for about 18 months I was

so strict and the moment I stopped

dieting because I gave up boxing all of

a sudden mate I was in like 10,000

calories a day to that to that really

honestly to the point last um what would

be here I'd be out with the missus and I

couldn't buy the car back because I was

just like glued up like the night

professor horrible and what used to

happen was I used to beat up for two

days Friday Saturday sometimes

absolutely hate myself swear at myself

in the mirror and I used to go to the

gym three times a day up until the

following Thursday and then what I do is

I use down to like 1800 so I'm wondering

in overtraining and then all of a sudden

come Friday again when I go out for a

drink

I'm drink and obviously then you lose

all your common sense and I've do the

10,000 Kelly thing again slow so I'll

use this thing called my fitness park

which yeah mate he was like this just

like you all the time so I've got over

that too hypnotherapy and why I did it

and then that's why now I'm very

flexible in my process of said that you

percent my diet is like nutrient-dense

food you know that the stuff that you

years they're talking about but then the

last day if I want a biscuit or a

chocolate you're gonna see me do it

basically okay so yeah it's interesting

yeah yeah why were we accessible it's um

it's crew shoulder yeah I mean I wish I

had more of a nutrient-dense style at

yourself I just think there's also an

argument for sustainability as well yeah

you've got other diets sustainable and

you've got to enjoy it because that's

gonna have mental implications if not as

well if you're not enjoying your food in

it everything looks back to the point if

you're not enjoying your food you're not

gonna sustain it yeah therefore your

body's not maybe where it's supposed to

be or where you want it to be therefore

the mental problems coming it's all it's

all interlinked of course everything's

interlink to it and just on the mental

health thing there that you that you're

on about so would you say that's

probably the biggest adversity that

you've been through during that time and

for the listeners because I'm sure

through our life we're all gonna lose

somebody very close to us and go for

that sort of patch in our life

what were the lessons that you learn

from it and how did you fully get over

it god Jerry's the 100 percent the

biggest adversity I've never experienced

anything like that my entire life not

even when the day my dad passed okay I

didn't feel as bad right as I did last

January the emotional pain was just as a

sailor's overwhelming do you think it

was a build-up from I think every what

happened was rock so I went see a

counselor like last and late last year

going into early this year because I've

never I never had a proper bereavement

counseling and I still had loads of

stuff underlined and I think that's what

the bill that was okay so imagine having

that much emotional pain build-up for

what three years and just explode an

alpha to correlate shape yeah it's just

it's just gone explode in the air yeah

and I tell you in terms of the lessons

learn I think the bereavement counselor

definitely helped me to understand as

interesting the stuff and the lessons

that I learned were the grief has no

timeline

it's now got a time line there's no

proper way to grieve yeah yeah it's okay

to feel back you've got it you've got to

feel these emotions you've got to feel

the emotions and not subdue them okay

see if you subdued him you have an

episode like I did and that's I wouldn't

wish that wish that were my worst enemy

[Music]

another lesson was probably I learned

that I'm strong a lot stronger than a

fault of I thought you were yeah yeah to

get through that I mean there's not much

to phase me now to be honest if I can

come over that they're in the fin and

and this is one of the things I've tried

to do with this podcast as well

is I don't want somebody to go through

what you've just been through you know

to lose their parent and then go through

the pressure what I wanted to do is

realize the last point you said that was

just amazing it's but stronger than we

we know we are and that we think we're

capable of and I think the only way you

find that is by going through some

adversity or yeah I should never know or

should I be no no this is where I love I

love the gym and I love people that are

into the gym because when you go to the

gym you don't go there to have like a

luxury time you go there you put your

body in distress yeah provided how you

train and then you you're almost trying

to grow in that moment and I urge people

not just to do that in the gym to do

that through life as ah yes why I got to

probably speak in sessions when most of

the time I choke oh you go you're going

to like help you absolutely opt that

does I mention that the other thing

that's been really good especially for

yourself with anxiety as well I think

that's brilliant and the first few times

I've been there and they've asked me to

say something I'm just looked out every

wannabe luck don't say it's in number

one public fear though isn't it it is

and I thought in my head if I can

conquer that I can conquer anything and

I wonder way there now and I think like

two weeks four actually won the best

beat of the day coach me if you ask me

three months already left yeah you know

chances that's amazing though man yeah

so hence white but you're doing the same

things like you've had to come out of

this sort of dark hole and you've done

it and you've said some amazing things

they're like it's okay not to feel great

grief has no timeline and I think coming

from a male and most of you know if you

could follow Alex

paid so like Instagram in great physical

shape you're training people you're

going to come across as a sort of alpha

male or suppose yeah yeah cause there's

a vulnerability in what you're saying

and I think as a guy I think we need to

obviously it's best that more yeah

because we have this thing like bravado

like our culture our weaknesses and I

think especially meant to have one of

the things I'm working on this year as

are is really trying to raise awareness

for mental health yeah because my mom

suffered with it support people with

mental health and I think people are

yourself it make other people who may be

in a similar situation to yourself think

if alex is it 100 yeah yeah now you

won't believe the amount of people that

have told me to have gotta do you won't

beliefs add isn't it like I honestly

think most of the human race has it to

some probably got it some degree yeah

where some people just say you how about

a few years I've had people just come

out yeah about it for about ten years

right but I'm the on the surface

everyone's got masks everyone's got a

mess yeah some of the strongest people

are no wood on the surface successful

and they've come you have been

absolutely struggling for 10 years it's

crazy my anxieties but today I'm strong

yeah yeah and this is this is what I try

and be as transparent as I can on my

social media with everything I do

so ridership there something's gone

about try and say not to sound like

depressing because I don't want to come

across as a depressing life yeah and

it's almost like guys it's okay not to

be okay yeah or to have a shit day where

you just feel like you're in the funk

but I get those days but if course he's

gone wrong like I probably had the best

day before and I wake up the next day

feel absolute shit for note-for-note no

that's that's unfortunate the horrible

thing about yeah anxiety and stuff it's

it can just creep up on you for

absolutely no reason

hence why it did two years off well yeah

this was exactly and I'm overwhelmed

feeling as well oh there's there's been

overwhelmed moderately than has been

overwhelmed

completely with everything that you

can't control anything you you can't

even function under the day-to-day

routine if you ask me a question I reply

a very about ten-second

later Wow it's a serious very serious

thing very serious thing and you're

working on it now though yeah I think of

my massive yes inroads to it to be

honest and I honestly put that down to

the bereavement counselor okay so you'd

recommend anyone going through that to

at least talk whether it's with the

counselor you know some people have a

stigma attached to that but I think talk

is probably one of the most important

100% I mean I wouldn't see a really good

woman called Elaine at Walsall

bereavement center which is free yeah

yeah free of charge so I mean that the

system she's got there she's very she's

very very good I mean it just made me

understand my emotions more Jamie and

cosy I think the trouble with anxiety

feel completely alone with it down yeah

and you think the only one in the world

yeah yeah absolutely ten times worse

yeah see people need to understand that

you're not the only one going through it

and that in itself makes huge

improvement because you feel sort of

like the most worthless one in the room

is not make sense so yeah it's nice and

other people are soft it's nice to know

in a way people are suffering as well as

horrible as that I know what I mean by

that though I know it's nice to know

that people have the same infusion

problems yeah and I think if we lick

about twenty said earlier that's

probably the problem with society today

especially when you're hearing about

kids with like depression or kind of

symptoms they go I don't like social

media and seeing this perfect life that

everyone's portraying yeah that's not

that's not it it's like somebody might

post every brand new car or they might

post a holiday but there might be in

debt there might have had a bereavement

the day before so anything would have

happened absolutely and if what happens

is we see that as a snapshot now you got

to remember 99.9% of people on in the

world are already gonna post highlights

them on this follow us has great

reception we've see the good side

absolutely and and that's kind of like

the gift and the curse I think with

social media which is and again another

reason I do this is

say look yeah you got fantastic stuff on

your histogram you can learn a hell of a

lot about fitness and personal training

and stuff but there's a real person here

and you could probably learn more

valuable life lesson yeah yeah by this

interview that since 100% I think I

think the kids of our generation now

that didn't set up to fail that garbs

I'm sure they've got no chance because

they're coming to a world where they've

been handed this this phone here this

tablet here yeah and I think I was

listening so glad you know simon Sinek

yeah yeah yeah I was listening to some

of his stuff I mean he's basically

saying there's no way like kids now can

handle the dopamine fix of what they're

looking at the big good hormone fix

because they're they're obsessed of it

that as soon as air phone pings after

happy it's crazy

pick it up when they don't want you to

be happy about his own when you think

about it the grand scheme of things it's

just but I was just I was driving

through some place near Warsaw a few

weeks ago and I was just looking and I

was like the kids coming out of school

and every single one on the street was

on the phone I'm not talking about

one in ten every single one of them was

on the phone and a fuck I just refer

back to when I just call I was running

around

I mean running around and doing just

crazy stuff like I look at them now and

I think that you just been cell phone

it's not their fault I don't think it's

their fault it's not their fault

I think leeches are allowing some phones

into lessons are they now it's like you

said potentially setting them up to fail

isn't it I think we're kind of like a

good generation where we lived before

the phony era but also now we get to

benefit I suppose from like a work

perspective yeah so I fell into the trap

initially of like say like Instagram you

know you looking who's engaging my post

and stuff yeah I do now and I probably

said for the last four months is

whenever I write a post unlike what the

Facebook I use quite a lot I just turned

my phone off them and I only ever got

back to reply what I don't do is scroll

through Facebook and like other people's

stuff will follow other people's stuff

too much yeah is it all supportive but

because I don't want to put my mind in

that in that moment or no rage yeah

agente really thinking yeah

I'm doing enough or I'm not enough

because someone's always doing this so

just on my own something you have to be

a bit selfish that look this is what I

want to say if you resonate with it

fantastic if you don't mind past it but

I just want to get off my chest so are

you social media especially prayer

that's a way I just talked it to myself

and it's kind of like my journey yeah

yeah I can be like oh yeah you should

say that then how much I've got grown

since yeah if that makes sense

and that's helping massively because I

reckon if I was constantly on Facebook

and I've done it where I'm just watching

everyone and everyone's buying new cars

and doing crazy things and I'm like you

almost been inferior a little bit yeah

but as you said those points would

follow up at the same time how do you

know that person is in hasn't taken a

huge loan to pay that you just put on

the Instagram of the face but of course

yeah they haven't been given that

haven't won the car you didn't it might

be one those free options

you're never know any plug you

automatically think are their doing well

they're doing it right that's the phrase

new reality probably haven't got much

self worth custom I've been given the

car so Duty absolutely and I think the

most important thing is probably like

happiness that how happy are they really

oh yes well of course this is this is

the issued so it's all false

representations what they do is take it

on face value isn't it yeah this is it

as you say it's the the pros and cons of

social media media but I think now what

what annoys me is that I have to use

social media for business for business

at the same time I hate it yeah

Bono's gotta be done 100% that's that's

where oh yes stuck between ever to let

go of social media and just try and find

a way that you can live with it yeah

because it's only gonna get worse yeah

of course I mean we spoke about voice

hence the podcast yeah everything's

going to probably voice-activated

apparently there's a massive statistic I

don't know if the top of my head that

most people when they search into like

Google or Syria or something and I'm

probably talking about younger

demographic yeah they do

via voice so that's how much is changing

I mean that we're probably still used to

typing stuff and it's it's incredible

really I mean it's incredible how much

we've developed break I just wish you

know their whole mentor half side and

that sort of it was developing at this

yeah we said yeah it's um it's very very

scary for them yeah I don't know if your

clients on any one set stuff or yeah I'm

pretty much to go to guy oh yeah

fantastic yeah pretty much do you be a

good great advocate but very very very

much so and i've i've had people like

i've pulled people a depression i pulled

them have things by just doing what I do

really don't rely telling going from my

experiences etc regardless from younger

than them or not doesn't matter have

another different experience absolutely

but you have massively change people

it's mentally physically got more the

best periods

yeah what you do what you do but I mean

I'm not gonna name names I don't know so

enough like I mean there was one guy

trained is literally where I was in

terms of rock bottom he didn't lead the

house that he didn't leave the house and

he hadn't trained in how long and I

pretty much pulled him out of it he was

in this last year I think he was in it

they're not then I didn't know he

dropped before he was it fell a bit low

and poor mentally before I did so I I

fell into I fell into it I got back out

of it and pulled him okay sort of out as

well which is commendable because it's

probably the hardest thing just putting

yourself out yeah and I just remembering

like I was trying to I was trying to get

into work but couldn't write I was tell

himself yesterday I'm going back in and

fire comes to it and I can get back in

and I remember I'm just saying you just

take your time etc so eventually got

back in and now he's here and of a three

or four stone down fantastic at work had

a baby oh wow I love that me had a baby

yeah yeah loves these training so good

stuff good on you mate

so yeah he's on it now yeah I think

because obviously I did my qualification

I think about eight years ago my last

few clients I stopped at the back end of

last year they used to say the training

and everything yeah it's fine whatever

but they say we enjoy like the mindset

porks and stuff that I used to give him

love that side of it because you don't

know what people what stresses have got

on the life and you don't know what in

that hour our slot or whatever you have

yeah you don't know how much you'll

benefit directly because people I'll

tell you after G that you don't even

know what you do yeah you don't see no

yeah you don't see it yeah do you know I

mean and that's a special thing I think

that's a special thing about the job I

agree if you can change someone's life

around like that it's pretty bit there's

no better feeling better than earning

millions for some companies lately

absolutely you're gonna see not much of

oh yeah so would you say that's your

kind of motivation now like moving

forward or I mean what what keeps you

going now on a daily basis

that in itself only percent that I mean

I think you have to get to know people a

little bit more don't you their personal

goals what the one thing you can start

to build that rapport yeah and once you

start to build that rapport it means

even more to you doesn't it because you

lied the pass and you become be the best

digital yeah my similar so you're

rocking up into work and it's not even

work Jeremy you doing it for them and

let's just see the seem so grateful yeah

you made me want to go back there yeah

that's a big finger isn't it I mean if

you can if you can do that that's pretty

special I think of course but if you can

start to retune people's minds and

relationships with food exercise with

themselves it then impacts on the

personal life and other stuff like that

yeah you create a butterfly effect yeah

positive because I think if you if you

can start to improve that that there's

gonna be good things that'll topple over

absolutely from that closing the hardest

workers in the room in the gym and

normally the heart the most successful

people financially your family wise

relationship probably if you take that

level of discipline and work ethic into

the world it's all a discipline isn't it

under the most disciplined people are

most successful people and if you can

prove that in the gym probably one the

hardest I agree scenarios are going to

be ok I always look at someone and if

they're physically in good shape

you know you've got some good level of

disappeared another half hours yard work

I know you've had to probably go to

social events and not eat what everyone

else is eating or drink what everyone

else a drink lot you've had to make

sacrifices so I fully appreciate that

yeah a lot of people don't understand

that they'll call those sort of people a

gym free cause yes absolutely yeah

when you think about it now the matter I

always you've probably have to do to

change a physiques and our bodies and

it's incredible incredible amount yeah

but a lot of people don't understand

that and there are a hell of a lot of

lazy people yeah yeah hell of a lot of

lazy people which I can't understand I

don't understand how they've got to that

yeah how about that stage whoever its

tuning from a young age or Parenthood or

fell in with the wrong crowd

I don't know yeah do you know I mean so

I don't know it's one of the pillars

that are you so I was in corporate first

I went straight into business one of the

things that I wanted to do was to work

with people on a one-to-one basis so yes

I love the person training I do it more

and I sort of mindset basis as well lie

especially property and stuff but can

help them yeah develop and one of the

first things I'll say before I start

working with them is you gotta get a gym

plan

don't be talking to liver yeah one thing

for you to do before you do anything

else is work on yourself first so all of

them will have to do some level of

physical activity now whatever that is

it doesn't need to be lifting weights it

could be yoga ISM going for runs

whatever they want to do but you have to

do some level of activity yeah yeah I

mean that almost be any discomfort in

order to grow yeah and always do that

face because then I think like you said

if they're if they can work really hard

to give 100% on that they're nothing

okay that's a great trait with that

could work with that person's got

working yeah yeah whereas if they've

turn around but no I just want to learn

about this or making money but I

wouldn't do this I'm not okay I'm

probably not the right code for you yeah

because my coach is gonna be holistic

it's gonna be about everything yeah yeah

and I think you'll be great at that

I think obviously as your business

starts to expand in your personal

training you could potentially I don't

have your own franchise I don't know

what your goals are but because you have

both aspects of it I think you're very

really well yeah yeah it is a good thing

to tap into niche it's all interlinked

isn't it and it's only gonna get it's

only gonna get more

prevalent in society a hundred percent

so what's your fear now death right okay

I spoke to my Cantrell about this

because she was like when when you lose

people close to you rather than extended

family or someone who's not particularly

close to you you realize mortality cuz

until then you're immortal our ninja

know I mean you don't fit nothing you

really think cuz I it doesn't really

cross your mind you're invincible

through more so that death scares me

okay now yeah that scares me and I think

you just you've hit the nail on the head

there because if somebody hasn't gone

through death listening to this podcast

they're gonna think nice not really

resonating somebody who's been through

it it almost comes in your head on a

daily basis so I think everyone

everyone's going to lose some worth some

stage that's just the way the world

works you know we haven't worked out how

to survive forever and I lost about

seven people within 18 months no friends

or family

but prior to that I'm not really lost no

one so for me is like here soul and soul

has lost their granddad or the grandma

and I feel sad but that was it it was

very short-lived

whereas now yeah that whole death thing

I suppose it does scare me because I

think I don't know if this is my last

day hence why I try and like bust my ass

and work as much as I can to make sure

that if I was to leave today I've left

the world in a better place yeah if that

makes sense so is motivation it is right

it is you become more instantly you feel

like most things scarier and what was it

kind of saying now she was like

obviously once I lost my dad I felt like

I needed to do everything fast needed to

buy have sat down rah-rah-rah all of

these things because she doesn't know

how much time you've got and that's

that's unfortunate thing of this whole

realizing mortality send you in a rush

yeah that's where the anxiety sets in

yeah whatever nothingness by then that

resonates with me so much because I feel

I've got so much to do so many people I

want to help and I'm like I could be

gone tomorrow

and it scares me yeah so you're trying

to rush into it everything yeah and I

know that's probably not the right place

I I follow of course it's not yeah but

we know we know this for your tower

we're

president absolutely well yeah that

that's what she was saying if she felt

like oh my dad died at this age am I

gonna die at this age now yeah I've

gotta do this I gotta do that harsh in

order to this yeah and in reality you've

got all the time in the world really

yeah but in that moment in that

channeling yeah we exact it in your head

yeah but you can't get out of its it's a

parent and that's the UM

that's mortality isn't it do you follow

Gary Vaynerchuk a little bit yeah well

he started to grind on me after was it

yes he's a mob like Jota but one of the

things he says he's really good is he

says you should be impatient in there in

the micro I either short-term or patient

for the macro for the long-term which

when I think about it and why he says it

makes sense so it's like yes you should

work absolutely like 100 percent every

single day as if it's your last day but

still know your goals that you want to

achieve and stuff are gonna take longer

a bit like I suppose bodybuilding for

example yeah you're now on a cot for

example to get t-they it's not gonna

happen no matter how hard you train

today you're not going to get to that

body today yeah even if you've had the

best I ever today something happen but

what you can do is absolutely crush it

right now and then tomorrow repeat next

day repeat and then all of the sudden

you will you will get there as well yeah

so like that's one thing he says that

really resonates with me yeah but like

you said when you get that level of

anxiety and it it overwhelms you it's

difficult to think you're like you're

not thinking there's no clarity

basically your thoughts yeah yeah and

what what people need to realize like

you're in control of these thoughts you

can still control them you've just

you've gone down a path where you think

you can't control them do you know I

mean except every four is well within

the control we just don't know it like

when you're in that bad patch yeah

that's right and that's what I learnt as

well and that was with the bereavement

counselor yeah yeah that's powerful but

like you are in control of your thoughts

it's just a belief that you're not that

means you're leaving that you're not

when you are should we were before we

were before

before we had events and one not so many

I think about it a lot we were kids the

thoughts we have you're invincible you

know we were going to

Kaizen our heroes why can't we have that

an absolutely because somewhere along

life somebody's told you you can't do

something or you've fallen down and

rather as a kid where you keep getting

back up you've actually said you know

I'll stay down we're just going the

opposite way yeah yeah that's a problem

in it and it does take certain things

like these events traumatic events and

other events in your life that obviously

make up your thoughts do you know it

means in your beliefs your beliefs are

the one you start believing certain

things about the world and yourself that

comes out in your actions and your

beliefs are just a combination of the

thoughts yeah cause this is why you've

got a control everyone everyone's got

different millions of ways it's not just

us yeah of course

trust me when you get to a deep

conversation with someone you really

know what the thinking about you they

actually thinking that you know I mean

so you know we're not alone with that

that's what we've got and you are you

are in control you've just got to try

your best to control them it's a good

affirmation tough so I do affirmations

in the morning as well

so I say stuff like I'm no longer

anxious I'm not shy yeah yeah I think

you have to consciously make the effort

which is a viewfinder so you have to

consciously make yeah yeah because if

subconsciously I'm I'm not in I'm

potential everyone has to do this yeah I

can't see how you can you cannot do it I

think everyone does do it but we assume

the people at the top like you know

you're Dwayne Johnson you're Kevin Hart

celebrities they don't do it but they

did Wayne Johnson suffers yeah dad yeah

really badly rock is that everyone's

Idol

it's amazing mean yeah and you are you

are approaches of your your thoughts you

are you are your thoughts on powerful me

yeah but like people need to understand

you can't control them yeah if you want

to if you just let them spoil problems

isn't it absolutely yeah but what

they've got understand if you do have a

day like that that's fine push it into

the car but that's all and as well are

you better start to continue to beat

yourself up for another few weeks

that lifestyle enough disease we've real

saturations and without you behind some

horses or absolute making up these these

problems yeah which is what humans tend

to do we can we can sabotage ourself as

much as you want but we don't tend to do

to us so why should we do it to

ourselves but we Dukes it's easy

it's true though innit nice I'm not

gonna say to you what's going on in my

head about I won self-sabotage myself

then say the same stuff to you it's

deeper nasties or what to do yeah yeah

isn't that weird

do you know what I mean what so why why

why why do we think it's right to do it

to us ourselves he's probably the most

important at the end of the day I'm yes

sir if you think about it logically we

are actually the most important people

to ourselves yeah so yeah but it's it's

easy and it's easy to say to yourself

it's no one's gonna question okay we're

gonna go in three two one

what did you eat for breakfast squats or

deadlifts squats the ability to fly or

be invisible fly if your favourite cheap

meal Peter when your fame money your

proudest moment getting into the cam

here everything your favourite food for

years number one health to stay

disciplined biggest Fitness to me there

are certain foods that convert back

yeah definitely achieve your number one

goal this year travel more your favorite

TV show ever sons of anarchy

would you rather know how you will die

or when you were dying when your

favorite hobbies Jim if you could sit

with one person in the world for an hour

you would it be oh my dinero your worst

fear is a child dinner for your favorite

place in the world okay if you could

abolish one thing in the world what

would it be

murdering your favorite song ever death

match

order number read boys or predict the

future three times your favorite super

Europe Batman why his minds oh yeah

who's badasses yeah he's IV I'm finally

your biggest sprint organization okay

fantastic so the next question we're

almost at the end actually it's about

reflection so not really exactly what

you don't know because obviously now

you've worked on your physical health

your mental health you're in a much

better place so nobody exactly what you

know now if you could go back to a time

where you were struggling or maybe a

younger version of yourself and you

could whisper something in that person's

ear just to kind of make their life

easier I suppose growing up what would

you say it will pass

it will pass 100% it will pass me I'll

get bad you've got you've got to go

through this to grow and it will pass

very difficult to see the time yeah

impossible to sing yeah yeah

what it will party will pass a lot that

this isn't last forever yeah nothing

lasts forever

yeah so I'll have to send you a podcast

after this made their little East

Bhagwat similar kind of thing and the

guy on it he was talking about chaos and

how he just flipped the script in his

mind to say he enjoys the chaos because

of high resilience and how much strength

he's gonna build from it and how much

knowledge whereas a lot of us were kind

of trying to avoid pain and stuff where

he's that bring me down because I know

in six months time I'm gonna be much

yeah yeah

you almost let it enter right buddy

we're actually at the last question now

so the last question I always ask my

guess is if in a 150 years time science

fails to save us all and all that exists

is a book on the table and that book is

about you and it's about your life and

all of the great and wonderful things

that you aspire to do you want to do you

know you've done it but in order to make

somebody pick that up what would one

that I will say and two what would the

summary at the bat tell us about you tie

it would be something along the lines of

never give up the summary of my like

what yes I think about this wait there's

there's somebody gone to a book store

and they're looking at all these books

and they've turned it around now you

need to make them want to pick it up to

be like oh that's quite interesting

actually that sounds interesting so a

little bit about yourself maybe the

things you want to achieve how do you

want to be remembered but I just wanted

to say that you'd want to meet as many

people as you can make a positive

impression with everyone you come into

contact with never give up on anything

yeah until it's completely done and just

keep trying to live in the moment

keep trying to live in the moment that's

the only one you can control and just

keep do what you want to do not what

people what you have to do do what you

want to do because there ain't no time

for nothing else really absolutely

really I think I'd pick it up yeah yeah

yeah definitely me I appreciate so thank

you for that that brings us to the end

of the show now but before we leave and

I close it off I just want you to give

the listeners a chance to obviously

connect with yourself so I will put all

of this in the show notes anyway so you

can literally click on it by any app

that you listen to this one but where's

the best place to contact you mobile or

email okay I don't know if you want to

put your mobile direct down here yeah my

Instagram okay choose your Instagram

yeah yes let's go for it yeah it's a li

ro eight nine eight

okay fantastic

up or down the shoulders or you want

like snapchat Facebook anything like

that or a more I don't really use okay I

use Facebook obviously just type in Alex

Roberts okay then there should be a

naked man obviously yeah that's the

profile of course you person did but

yeah those two platforms okay brilliant

thank you I just want to say thanks

again to Alex for children to the Shonan

and for everyone else thanks for

listening and remember this podcast is

absolutely free so all we ask in return

is for you to share this with a friend

and drop us a five star review over on

iTunes have an awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

From Foster care to Goldman Sachs #18

Mon, 22 Apr 2019 04:55:03 GMT

Find your voice - Episode 18- "On the other side of adversity" - Tiana Barnwell #18

Tagline: "I don't want my story to be about my struggle...I want it to be Tiana Barnwell helped people, she came back, she gave back, she did it."

Tiana Barnwell is a shining example of what determination and focus can bring you. With a vision at 7 years old to go to Spelman College she achieved graduation via a few years in foster care (kinship) disrupting her life but never stopping her achieving her dreams. As stated in the subtitle, less than 3% of foster care children graduate from a 4-year college degree so its a shining example to all those out there, anything is possible. With such a wise head on her shoulders and a why that far exceeds her own personal goals Tiana is destined for stardom in helping people through her real estate dreams. Now graduating with job offers from Goldman Sachs she pursues her next adventure and continues to grow and shine a light on the world.

I urge you all to follow this incredible story and women who will be a household name sooner rather than later.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Links to guest:

Twitter: https://twitter.com/_tkvngg

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_tianakv_/?utm_source=ig_profile_share&igshid=xsp7wlt6vctq

Have an awesome day

#JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren do what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aren and as always I am the

host of the show

so today's story is one that is very

close to my heart and I'm sure a lot of

you will resonate with this story you

see I was on Twitter a few weeks ago and

I read this devastate in fact that only

3% of children who go into foster care

actually come out with a degree now I

was very very excited and actually

remember jumping up in bed when I

reached out to this individual and I got

an instant response because I

congratulated Tiana having read that she

was one of those three percents who

actually graduated and so she's

effectively gone from foster care to

Goldman Sachs which is the company who

have actually taken her on and I was so

proud of her

yeah at this time I had no idea who she

was I knew nothing about it personally

now the reason it touched my heart is

because four of my siblings have come

from the foster care system and it's

something where I try and be an advocate

for him maybe through this show maybe in

personal life as well where I want them

to know that there are no limits and no

boundaries on what you can achieve in

life and Tiana is a shining example of

that and I hope you genuinely enjoy this

episode because you see a girl here with

so much passion and enthusiasm for

wanting to change the world she's also

from New York so it was always great to

get somebody from overseas on here and

also to give them a platform where

hopefully this can help her in terms of

raising her profile inspiring other

children but I urge you to stay towards

the end of the show because she says

something that's really really important

and it really made me think after

releasing this show because obviously

tiles are important and getting you guys

to listen to the stories and engage is

important and she says something at the

end that really made me think about how

she wants to be remembered so hopefully

you enjoy it without further ado we're

going to jump straight into it and just

let me know your thoughts in relation to

her final words thank you okay welcome

to the show and today I am very grateful

to have Tiana on the show today somebody

who actually reached out to very

recently haven't seen her stories so

firstly I just want to welcome Tiana to

the show Turner welcome and how are you

doing today I'm doing well blessed and

highly favored thank you are you doing

today I'm very well thank you as well

thank you no Tiana is actually from New

York I believe is that correct yes I'm

from New York but I currently go to

college in Atlanta Georgia okay

fantastic so I think it's really

important obviously for the listeners of

this show to hear a little bit about

yourself a little bit about your story

because for me personally I've got a

soft spot for your story but I think

let's tell the audience a little bit

about yourself

so I'm Tiana I was born and raised in

New York and I currently attend college

stomache College in Atlanta Georgia so I

didn't really get here the easier

traditional way I was actually placed in

the foster care when I was in high

school my freshman year of high school

and with that came a lot of baggage

there were court dates there were

therapy deeds there was just there's so

much baggage that came along with being

placed in the foster care and it kind of

discouraged me a little bit from

applying to my top choice which was

filming I kind of just wanted to stay in

New York just relax just just get out

and and kind of just just be me and

initially I before I was placed in the

foster care I had not really told

anybody what was going on in my life I

was just kind of just going to school

going home occasionally staying with my

aunt sometimes and finally I decided to

speak up and speak out about what was

going on and that led to me being placed

in foster care and I wasn't in foster

care and what it's not a typical story

where I was placed in foster care at the

age of two

or something like that was placed in

foster care about 14 and I the main goal

was to return the parent so what I had

to do is I just got a therapy with my

mom go to therapy alone as well and just

work through the issues that were going

on and fortunately I was able to return

the parent and my mom and I have such a

great relationship right now so have you

got any siblings

yes I do have two sisters okay in the

house with my mom and I and my father

also has children so I have about ten

Sidley okay and in terms of going into

kinship ie foster care was that

something that was only yourself or was

it also the same with your siblings as

well

I'm just I was placed into foster care

actually okay well I think the positive

thing is what you touched on at the end

is that you've got a great relationship

with your birth mother how was your stay

and experience with in foster care so my

experience was it was good because

because it was kinship care I was able

to stay with my art I did have to meet

with a social worker every week and I

did have to do certain things like go to

therapy speak with a life coach and the

foster care agency I was actually really

amazing there the New York foundling I

mean they provide they provided

everything I could ever need so I had a

therapist I had a doctor who I could

always go to who was actually located in

the same facility as my therapist and

then I had amazing social workers who

would come check on me and not only

check on me but make sure that

everything with my well-being was okay

make sure that was meant to be okay and

even just take me out and and just talk

to me and also they provided a life

coach it was so amazing because I was

able to talk about different goals that

I had and being able to to just try and

grow as a person so I think for anyone

listening now Tiana you probably don't

know this yourself I was actually a

social worker for a very short amount of

time as well oh yeah so I mean the

reason I reached out to you is obviously

I explained earlier for my siblings come

from the care system so I gave up

my initial job as a project manager to

become a social worker to kind of I

suppose change the world and try and

help children in your situation or in

worse situations I mean I'm sure you've

heard the horror stories so I have a lot

of admiration for social workers sadly I

think especially in this country they're

they're put under a hell of a lot of

stress and it's a very very difficult

job so I'm just glad that you managed to

get some good social workers who were

able to obviously help you help you

develop as you explained earlier so if I

may I mean that's giving me a little bit

about yourself what would you like

growing up because for me I think

there's got to be personality traits

within you that have brought out some

level of determination dedication in

terms of going on in and achieving a

degree because I've done a degree and

it's no easy feat so I think firstly

congratulations on that but thank you

what was life like growing up was it was

it difficult or was it just this bad

spell around when you turned 14 pretty

much an average life I moved around a

lot so I was able to make friends the

bad spell did just happen when I turned

14 and that's when things kind of got

different but as a child I was always

determined

I always knew what I wanted like I

wanted to go to Spelman since I was

about seven and I knew that I had goals

that that were bigger than them being an

astronaut or being being something of

the such I knew I wanted to do something

that that was gonna make a difference in

the world and like like I currently have

my goals and everything and then when I

turned 14 that's when I kind of just was

unsure myself and I was well I don't

know what to do I don't know if I'm

gonna do what I actually want to do I

don't know if I'm gonna go to the school

I actually want to go to so that's when

I all of the kind of negative thoughts

set in and crept in and I was able to

talk them out like through therapy and

everything and kind of just say well

this is hard for you and this is what

I'm going through you know I had so much

I had so many goals I wanted to

accomplish I had so much in me that I

just wanted to get out and spread and

from between the ages of like 14 to 17

it was really hard for me

lashing out and just not being the

question that I was destined to be okay

well that's interesting

firstly I think you've got a very wise

head for a 21 year old to be writing

down your goals and having such big

aspirations I know when I was 21 the

last thing I was thinking about was my

goals it was more about where's the next

pie or what we do tonight so it's nice

to know that obviously you yes you've

been through adversity during the period

of 14 to 17 but I think it's important

that we stress especially for the

listeners here that the importance of

goal-setting and this is something I

suppose I do now as a slightly older man

is writing down your goals because I

think there's a power when you write

down your goals and especially yourself

you knew that you wanted to spread

something else you knew you had these

goals where you really wanted to make a

difference in the world similar to what

I'm trying to do here in this podcast

could you share any of those goals if

you wouldn't mind yes so my main goal is

to actually open a chain of hotels

internationally I'm starting in Trinidad

and I want to do hotels because hotels

are not going anywhere

even with disruptors like Airbnb VRBO

and things of that nature

hotels are always gonna be around and

they can always adapt to fit onto

platforms such as Airbnb and hotels or

something that is that is gonna bring in

a lot of money and I and I need requires

financial stability because once the

hotel is thriving I'm gonna be able to

put some of that revenue back into the

community that the hotel is located in

about four to five percent of my revenue

from that hotel and then I also want to

take about six to eight percent of the

revenue and bring it back to communities

like the one I'm doing in New York or

some of the communities that I see

around Atlanta so that way I can create

economic stimulation in environments

where people don't really have all of

the resources they need so I want to

open up job centers recreation centers

and park so that everyone in a community

can benefit from this hotel that I have

rather than whether they're young or old

or unemployed or employ and just have

a backbone unity in the community the

type of community that I grew up in now

that's really my goal so that way so so

that way the community that I'm building

in is benefiting and in the community

where I came from is benefitting so that

there's no one left out that's so

inspiring

that's incredible I'm sitting here

smiling I mean I know you can't see yet

then really I'll just say there's one

ticket she caught me 21 just here and I

mean actually giving me goosebumps

because there's a couple of things

actually I want to touch on that so

firstly your awareness to the

marketplace so I'm a property investor

as well full-time so I also deal and

double in air B&B and book it calm so

the fact that you're aware of their

potential threats to the competition I

say as a hotel is fantastic I assume

you're going back to Trinidad because

that's where your roots are initially

I've had some friends from there and we

go at least once a year and visit and I

just heard such amazing things and I

know that the hotel industry is booming

over there especially with things like

carnival okay that's really interesting

and then the fact that you still want to

bring that back to where your current

community is right now and that's in New

York I believe yes communities that that

mean mmm I love that I love it it's it's

funny you said that actually because I

wrote I was doing when I'm a Instagram

post this morning now I always try and

say like inspirational motivational

stuff and a lot of the reasons I do that

it's kind of like must me talking to

myself if that makes sense so I'll throw

something out into the atmosphere and

it's kind of just me basically trying to

motivate myself in that moment if that

makes sense and one of the things I said

today was like I think it's an old quote

is be the change that you want to see in

the world and I just get that from you

that what you're trying to do is trying

to create this almost like a ripple

butterfly effect within your community

and I just think that's really really

inspiring and I'm sure people listening

to your story and watching you do these

amazing things which Tom I'm confident

you're gonna do I think it'd just be be

wonderful to see thank you thank you so

much absolutely so I'm quite eager to

find out about

people in terms of their routine and the

reason I'm very sort of focused on

routine is because I believe motivation

wears very thin in life and I think

discipline is very very important

especially if you want to achieve

substantial goals a bit like yourself so

could you just kind of give us a day in

the life of tiana and the kind of things

that you do maybe that younger people

listening to you now who maybe want to

follow your footsteps or take

inspiration from your story can perhaps

implement well so my daily routine I'm

away at school right now so I don't

really have to say anything day-to-day

but I do start my day the same way every

day and what I do is as soon as I open

my eyes I checked the time and once the

same prayer I say you know good morning

Donald thank you for putting life into

my body for breathing air into my lungs

for putting a beat into my heart and

then from that from there I go on I talk

to God about different things I want to

accomplish throughout the day I talk to

God about my friends about my family

only just different things just so that

I can maintaining and continue to

strengthen my relationship with God so

after that I get a find my clothes I

lived with my best friend on campus so

typically after I like get up and

stretch and everything I walk into her

room she thanks God for open your eyes

sister chat we talk it doesn't matter

about what we just talk and we get like

energy flowing happiness flowing going

and some marriages do my daily routine

to get ready and everything and then I

go outside and I I'm gonna mount us so

typically it's sunny I got outside and I

sit in the side for as long as I can

just so that I have energy from the Sun

just so that I'm happy because you know

it's like instant happiness

absolutely absolutely really so I make

sure I'm saying the Sun and I stand in

the specific spot on campus directly in

front of the stomach college mouse in it

and I talked to my friends they'll come

join me or something like that and then

I just go about my day and stay hydrated

doing random word when the finance

throughout the day I'm in my senior year

currently so a lot of my a lot of my

random data bank finance are things just

kind of the last-minute things I need to

graduate like different surveys I have

to do different checklists I have to

look at things like that

and I always make time to spend my

friend starts and then throughout the

day make sure I'm begging God throughout

the day and focusing on my goals like

whenever I lose sight of why I'm doing

something just say you know Tiana it's

bigger than this it's more than this so

course you know I just keep going just

keep going I love that I love it that's

so powerful I mean obviously your day to

day is gonna change once you fully

graduate and then you're going to

employment but I think there's certain

characteristics you've said there such

as your gratitude and your goals and

obviously that's probably through your

connection with God way sort of portray

those I think that's really really

important it's something that I've

started doing recently myself I wake up

every morning and I write three things

that I'm grateful for and then I will

look at my goals and I just think

especially in life when life doesn't

always go the way we planned just having

that rooted at the start of the day it's

only helps move us forward so I think

that's really really powerful that you

do that so when things are going bad

then if we just go back to that in that

period say for instance where you were

14 to 17 you were feeling lost slightly

off track I suppose in your life was

this gratitude element of your life

something that you kind of sidelined or

was she just very difficult with all the

toil more that was going on honestly it

wasn't there okay it wasn't there I was

just wake up go to school

jab court no drug therapy okay what I

have to do today is like I wanting it

for example a sophomore year and the end

of freshman year I played sports so I

was like can I even go to practice today

or do I have to do something else oh

great I have to do something else

perfect let me just tell coach I can't

make it again and there was just kind of

like frustration like you know I can do

this I have to do that alright I'm just

ready to go to bed I just want to go to

sleep juice like the only place I really

want it to be one school and there would

be points where I couldn't go to school

because I had to go to court or

something it's a I've to go to court or

maybe the doctor to get checked out or

something like that and all I wanted to

do was go to school I have a good time

with my friends and see my friends and

my favorite teachers okay okay that's

interesting so again something I just

want to pick out there the thing that

keeps you rooted now and so focused in

terms of achieving your goals was

missing during those four years yeah and

this is an important thing so I always

when I work with people I try and get

them to have some sort of good routine

ie through discipline so for example

working out staying hydrated being

grateful and I think these things

although they might seem tedious at

first if you let them slip by the

wayside life can kind of become a bit

chaotic and I know myself especially

when I'm up in the morning I try and get

these small wins in first thing in the

morning and that certainly helps me

I suppose tackle the day and I think

you've probably noticed that Nabal with

yourself as well yeah okay so just going

back to the whole 14 to 17 year old

common I graduated looking at where you

are now what would you tell a child who

may feel different who may recognize

that they're from or they've had to go

into kinship or foster care maybe

struggling through that level of

adversity would you give them any sort

of advice or is there anything that you

think you could perhaps recommend to

them so they don't really lose focus and

go down the path I suppose 97% of the

other people do where they kind of fall

back into the system again yes I

definitely have advice when you when you

start to feel yourself like becoming

somebody who you know you're not that's

when you got to step in and you got to

say you know what this is

me this is not who I am this is not how

I act and you have to really just catch

yourself you have to you have to be able

to take notice when you're changing and

from that point that's when you need to

start talking to yourself that's what

you need to start writing your goals

that's when you need to start planning

things and once you start planning and

once you start talking to yourself and

once you start talking to other people

as well that's when things are gonna

change you're gonna want to set goals

you're gonna want to have hope you're

gonna want to think long term one thing

that really helped me was thinking long

term I knew that I wanted to get to

Spelman and for for a few years I didn't

lose sight of stomach but once I

realized Spelman is where I want to be

and I know Stormin is right where I want

to be that's when I was able to get the

help I needed us and I was able to talk

to people and do exactly what I needed

to do to get this film and despite like

big years I've struggled in the years

that I didn't really have what it what

it took to get me to spell it I mean you

also gotta just be prepared because it's

very difficult it's difficult because it

seems like you're all alone it seems

like you're not you don't have anyone in

your corner you don't know what's going

on you don't know what's coming next but

you always have to have hope and you

have to have faith you have to doesn't

matter which God and pray to you have to

have faith in you have to try to

establish a relationship one thing that

I can say is I didn't really have a

relationship with God that day I really

didn't get such a strong relationship

with God until I got to college that's

amazing that's erm that's really useful

thank you for sharing that so there's a

couple of things I've just taken from

that is the first one is obviously

having hope or faith and I think you hit

the nail on the head there it doesn't

matter what God you believe in I think

just having faith in a better future in

a better circumstance or not an outcome

somewhere in the distant future is going

to keep you inspired and I think you

touched on it earlier as I when you said

Tiana this is bigger than you and I

think when you have a purpose that's

maybe slightly bigger than yourself that

can keep you going as well definitely

that's really really important but

another thing you touched on there and I

suppose I can relate to it to some

degree is when you said

feeling of being alone and I can relate

to children in the care system

especially within the UK because I feel

that do you feel that they're alone

sometimes and there might not

necessarily have that support network

and I assumed you obviously had a very

good network around you I know you said

you had good social workers you had a

life coach how was your friends or your

extended family within that time as oh

did you have a good community there as

well who served as my foster mom through

kinship care I had a great relationship

with her and with my grandmother and I

maintain the relationship my sister um

my extended family they didn't really

know too much about what was going on so

I did rely on my relationship with the

family that I had in New York and I rely

on the relationship with my therapist as

well you're probably fortunate that you

had that relationship there because your

network can determine your situation so

much if you've got a bad Network then

obviously you're almost destined for

failure I suppose yes yes okay so where

you are right now things are obviously

going the way that you wanted to you had

this dream from a seven-year-old that

you want to go to Spelman you had a

little bit of a wobble in between but

where you are right now you've picked

yourself back up you're now focused you

found God you find this new sense of

belief what in this current moment now

scares you I'm graduating in 33 days and

what scares me is that I won't be ready

I'm not prepared to go into this world

and live as an adult and handle

everything that comes along with being

an adult that's that's one of my biggest

fears right now I'm kind of I've been on

this campus for four years I'm kind of

scared of course no man has prepared me

for everything and they've given me the

lessons that I need to go anywhere but

I'm still afraid of what's waiting for

me outside of these gates beyond filming

and ex-kgb cable of course I plan for

this is my I'm trying to get out of here

I gotta graduate but there's next year

if something that's so unknown I've been

in school my entire life

and I'm leaving and starting somewhere

new I'm sorry fries I'm just I'm cutting

that that's my favorite I'm gonna fail

I've been waiting so long to get here

and I'm gonna leave the gates yeah

that's so interesting that you say that

because here you are having this dream

as a seven year old you know literally

on the cusp of you've achieved it you've

done it now all of a sudden you've got

this new sense of fear and I suppose one

that shows your vulnerability which i

think is it's nice that you're you're

displaying that because I think whatever

transition you go through in life it's

an element of growth and you can never

really be ready for growth so it is

daunting whether it's getting married

whether it's having a child or whatever

that particular circumstances but from

this very very short encounter with

yourself let me tell you something you

are a hell of a lot more intelligent

than I am I seem to do okay after I

graduated I went to university twice so

I went back to study my Social Work

masters again at transitions so your

emotional intelligence is fantastic I

think also you have an advantage and you

should always remember this is that the

life lessons that you've been through

even during that short period of time

from 14 to 17 to 21 it's built a level

of resilience in you that you may not

know that you have yet but I am

confident that if you continue your

faith in God and your spirituality and

you keep having these goals to produce

these incredible hotels in Trinidad you

will be absolutely fine you've got

nothing to be afraid of you're very very

intelligent thank you so much that means

so much hopefully in about six months

time I want to get a message from you

whether it's on Twitter or Instagram and

just tell me how easy is because I'm

sure you're gonna fly wherever you go

absolutely I'm looking forward to

hopefully we maybe get you back on as

well just to kind of see the word that

you're doing as well so that would be

fantastic as well absolutely so I

suppose we kind of touched on this next

part a little bit I'm always fascinated

by the way people think and one of the

things with myself is I have this crazy

thing where I motivate myself by

thinking about the worst things that can

ever happen

so I call it morbid nightmares and I

will wake up in the morning and I would

think of like

the worst thing that could possibly

happen and what that does is it kind of

shifts my ass into gear to go out there

and seize the day and really try and

make a difference try and help as many

people as I possibly can and really try

and leave nothing to chance

so that's just my kind of thing that

keeps me motivated what kind of things

in this current moment right now keep

you motivated to go out there and build

these hotels and then change the world

I'm not gonna get employment after

college so maybe I should get up so I

kind of use days where I'm kind of

slacking I don't know I gotta go to this

class because if you don't go to this

class then you're going to fail and if

you fail then you can't graduate if you

don't graduate you're letting your old

family down if you let your family know

you're still gonna be at Spelman for

another semester and somebody has to pay

for Spelman for another semester which

is not gonna it's not gonna fly with

anybody so I'm not yelling me didn't get

out of bed her name is MIA okay and

she's actually so when I was in kinship

care she was in the house as well she's

my daughter okay um and she's really

someone that keeps me going because

she's she looks up to me and she's one

of my favorite people in the world I

mean and I'm I'm really excited cuz she

actually let me want to spell me but I

see you know this shot is so bright and

I know that she looks up to me I know

this child is so destined for great news

my under sisters she's eight yeah it's

not setting you of course Oh

but my younger cousin is 17 and I got I

want to be there for her and I want her

to continue to look up to me I want her

to see me and say you know what that's

Fiamma this is my family I wanted to go

beyond what I'm doing I want her to be

better than me stronger than me and and

I just love her so much I just love that

so I've got three points I want to touch

on just from your answer there so the

first one is it's nice to know I'm not

the only person thinking of morbid

nightmares in the morning so there's you

and me there so that was fantastic

because it does really help I mean I

suppose some people have a

fight-or-flight response and knowing

your personality is probably similar to

mine that we have all these kind of

morbid nightmares or thoughts and then

all of a sudden we fight it as opposed

to running away from it so I think

depending on your personality I choose

which way to go the second thing is I'm

sure Mia is so proud of you and I'm sure

you're a great great role model to her

so you should be very proud of yourself

that you have someone who looks up to

you and I'm sure you're doing an

incredible job with that the last thing

that I really love that you said is

there's a brilliant quote and the quote

says they want you to do good but never

as good as them right and I I get that

because I see it so often within like

the industry and I suppose when you go

into corporate world or whatever you do

in life you're gonna you're gonna see

people who will help you up and in the

moment they might see you surpassing

them they will automatically either

switch off or their will their won't

help you as much if that makes sense and

it's beautiful thing that you want Mir

to be stronger than you to be better

than you because that's exactly how I am

with my siblings so my siblings are all

younger than me and my dream in life is

for them to have it all figured out by

the time they hit my age today and I

wanted more to be financially more

secure I wanted to be physically better

mentally better so it's just lovely to

hear somebody say that and hopefully if

Mia hears this back as well I sure know

how important she is to you as well yeah

absolutely yeah just don't start crying

I can imagine you getting emotional

about that's lovely

what we actually do now is we go into a

little bit of a fun part of this show so

if you're ready I'm gonna literally jump

straight into that we're gonna start in

three two one

what did you eat for breakfast water is

that it okay sorry doc the ability to

fly or be invisible your favorite

subject at school money your fame play

your proudest moment your favorite food

prayer words Netflix or YouTube Netflix

your number-one goal this year

favorite TV show ever would you rather

know how you would die or when you were

dying how your favorite hobby love or

money love books or movies if you could

sit with one person in the world for an

hour who would it be your worst fear as

a child being forgotten words what is

your biggest addiction my phone your

favorite place in the world that's

outside speak or languages will be able

to speak to animals if you could abolish

one thing in the world what would it be

and finally your favorite song ever um

it's called it's supposed to be a

favorite song okay okay I've not heard

that one but I've just written it down

so I check it out afterwards alright

I'll check it out anyway okay brilliant

so back to the interview part we've got

two more questions I would really want

to ask you so knowing exactly what you

know now Tiana with all the knowledge

and all the wisdom that you've acquired

in your short 21 years on this earth if

you could go back to a time let's use 14

as an example where things had just

started to take a turn probably for the

worst knowing what you know now and you

could whisper something to a younger

Tiana at 14 years old what would you say

I would tell her to keep fighting keep

fighting keep trying and I gave up for a

period of time so I would stress don't

give up just keep going you know as

as instead of finding Nemo just keep

swimming just keep swimming and I would

I would tell me that I'll say it's all

worth it it all works out and you just

have to keep going and keep pushing keep

striving I love it just keeps him in

Nemo style I love it okay brilliant

suddenly that actually brings us to the

last question and the last question I'll

again always ask my guess is if in 150

years time science fails to save us all

and all that is left is a book and this

book is about Tiana and it's about your

life and everything that you've achieved

all the wonderful hotels and everything

amazing that you've done in the world

firstly what would the title of the book

say and then secondly if the person was

to turn over to the back what would it

tell us about you I think the title

would be on the other side of adversity

or life not according to plan and the

blurb on the bag would kind of they

would talk about it would talk about my

greatness as opposed to like everything

that I've been through my struggle would

be such a small portion maybe two

sentences but I really want my story to

focus on not what what I was able to

accomplish and who I was able to help

and how my plan my businesses were able

to give back and create something in

various communities and multiple

communities across America I don't want

it to be this girl was in foster care

and she made it out and now this is what

she did I wanted to be Tiana bond will

help people Tiana bar wolf came that she

came back she gave back and she was she

was there hmm I don't want my story and

foster care to be the main focus in my

life I just love that I think that's so

so powerful and I think so many kids

from foster care or people that have

been through so much adversity probably

want the same thing so thank you for

sharing that actually because that's

what I think the world should have more

of but I think we're also in a society

where if you say TR and Obama came from

foster care and achieve this it kind of

sells more papers it gets more retweets

it gets more teaching

well I think is brilliant because just

thinking about this episode that we've

just recorded now it's been a very happy

inspiring episode and I'm very grateful

for you taking that approach as well and

steering the episode that way as opposed

to we could sit here we could cry about

the year of what it was like going into

kinship care for example but instead

what you said is this was a wobble in my

life you reflected on it you realized

this was the person that you wanted to

become the person that Tiana was meant

to become is kind of strive and do so

many more amazing things and you managed

to change that you change your habits

you went to university you're now

graduating and I just think I stand here

and I mean to be honest we're complete

strangers but I'm just very very proud

of how far you've come and once again I

think you're gonna do amazing things

thank you for sharing your story thank

you thank you so much for reaching out

thank you for giving me the opportunity

to come on podcasting and talk and you

know potentially touch so many people

who are in a place where I was

absolutely I think we should all

actually take one great lesson from what

you've just said is that we shouldn't

just look at people for their

circumstances or how they're positioned

in a family we should rather look at

their greatness that they already have

within them and I and I've tried to do

this with my siblings as well because

they all have their own unique skills

and like talents and I think you've

shared a very very valuable lesson there

so before I close the show Tiana what I

want to do is give people an opportunity

to maybe interact with you who have

followed this story who resonate with

your story to maybe follow you on

Instagram Twitter or whatever other

social media platforms that you use so

if you wouldn't mind could you please

share some of your platforms yes so my

Instagram is underscore CIA and a K V

underscore and my my Twitter underscore

TK V in Gigi okay fantastic what I will

do is actually take the exact addresses

and I'll put them into the show notes as

well so people can literally from the

episode click it and then follow you and

hopefully engage

via that I think also if you wouldn't

mind as well let's keep in touch because

if it's anything to do with real estate

I'm always interested in perhaps

investing or being a part of it and

again if there's any sort of social

enterprises or anything you want to do

socially I'd always try and find time to

try and make an impact on that as well

so certainly please do you keep in touch

I will I will definitely keep in touch

with you an amazing yeah yeah I thought

I always like to try and mix it up but

honestly I just want to say once again

thank you to you I want to also thank

the listeners at home thanks for

listening thank you and remember this

podcast is absolutely free so all we ask

in return is for you to share this with

a friend and drop us a five star review

over on iTunes have an awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Finding happiness after the death of your spouse part 2/2 #17

Mon, 15 Apr 2019 05:00:24 GMT

Find your voice - Episode 17- "Wonderfulness of Life" - Louise Blyth #17 Part 2

Tagline: "Be the captain of your fate and master of your soul"

Louise Blyth, is an incredible lady who has experienced losing the love of her life, George Blyth tragically from cancer. With cancer now affecting 1 in 2 families it is a common occurrence so many of us face in our day to day life. But unlike any other story Louise world took a massive turn upon the sad death of her spouse and soul mate.

Experiencing a supernatural event during his last few days Louise beliefs, perceptions, outlook and whole world had been turned around where she found herself finding, what she describes as "the greatest love all of us could ever know"

A 2 part special episode, this incredible story does not lean on an emotional tale which will have you in tears of sadness, despite its tragic theme. Instead, tears of happiness seeing someone recover from grief and finding a bigger purpose and understanding of her being in the world takes over the story's narrative and leaves you feeling rather refreshingly happy that in such a sad circumstance someone can continue their life in a positive, fulfilling way.

Now a widow of 2 children, Louise has created The Wonderfulness of Life which focuses on, Happiness being a choice and a state of mind.

I am sure you will all agree this story truly warranted two episodes and if anyone can take anything positive away from this, it is to cherish all the moments we have with our loves ones and find blessings in whatever cards we are dealt in life.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Links to guest:

Website: https://www.thewonderfulnessoflife.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/louise-blyth-207a7a49

Instagram: https://instagram.com/wonderfulness_of_life

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/louise.Blyth83

Have an awesome day

#JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren do what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice I

am the host of the show so this is

actually the second part of a two-part

episode so if anyone has accidentally

stumbled across this episode first

please do go back and listen to part one

which was literally I a couple of

minutes ago now this episode is

incredible and I want to keep those who

have literally followed it from Part one

straight to this part keeping it in flow

so I'm gonna stop talking on the jump

straight back into it so Louise ended

the last episode by talking about how

she was in the presence of something she

described is almost supernatural so what

what happened at the point of his death

is I went from not believing in God to

believing in gods in the space of a week

and that has changed my life as much as

George's death has changed my life which

has in turn changed my daily practices

if that makes sense and my day is now

rooted in some practices around faith

because of that because I've never been

more certain that God exists say could

you elaborate on that I mean I've got no

problem missing out some of my pointless

questions because this is this is more

prevalent if you wouldn't mind so what

what would you like me to elaborate on

the which part of the story just to put

context into one interested in this

little bit in particularly I am an

atheist and the reason I say I'm an

atheist now is because I grew up as a

Sikh and I was very I say somewhat

religious and when I heard I had it in a

space of 18 months I lost seven people

66 family members and what and one

friend and I had a very similar outburst

private which have never cheat on Norma

where I had the kind of it was like it

was like when you shake about sorry

apologies I said when you shake a bottle

of coke and then all of a sudden tell

you you know whenever you talk about God

you always get interrupted that's so

funny that your favorite so good you

could touch a rafter with us so weird as

well because that's never happened in a

podcast previously yeah whenever you

talk about God you always get

interrupted Wow

for me my logic is just simple it's

stick to science and it's if there was a

god then kids wouldn't suffer kids

wouldn't just be killed there wouldn't

be all this horrible stuff happening in

them and I've kind of justified it that

way but I just want to bring this

straight back to you yeah so like I said

you know I was an atheist I didn't

believe in God I didn't think God was

real I thought that you know so I've

obviously grown up in the UK where I've

been to school where I've learnt Bible

stories so I knew some of the Bible

stories I knew about Jesus but I didn't

think Jesus was the son of God I thought

Jesus was a good guy from you know two

thousand years ago he'd done some great

things and maybe over time his his his

achievements have maybe kind of been

exaggerated is how I it's genuinely how

I looked at you know the gospel in the

New Testament and you know religion

wasn't something that featured in my

life at all so the very fact that I felt

I felt like I had nowhere else to turn

was and the fact that I tend to God I

mean I can't still explain what it was

logically that made me do that because

at that point in time I wasn't my brain

wasn't working in a logical way it was

all based on heart not on head if that

makes sense in terms of the actions that

I was that was undertaking but what what

then led me to believe that God was real

was incredibly powerful so essentially

and I'm really mindful now that I'm not

going to do this survey at this story

it's justice which is why I'm writing

the story down because essentially what

happened was I was introduced to

somebody who I didn't know through a

really really good family friends who

asked if they could pray for Joe

which you kind of go okay that's not

that weird that's that's that's not that

odd but what happened was and what and

what I've realized since I picked it is

that that introduction came after I'd

made this cry so after I'd made this cry

this family friend got in touch with me

and said look I've met this girl and she

seems to be like a really devout

Christian and she didn't she's she

thinks that maybe there's some level of

of healing prayers that we can do for

George now what I didn't know at that

point in time was their healing is you

know central to all of the stories of

what what Jesus did in the New Testament

so obviously Jesus did a huge amount of

miraculous things which I always talk

about to get my head around like this

how can this person be doing all these

things okay but there's a lots of

stories in the New Testament where Jesus

heals people who have paraplegic who are

blind who have bled for 12 years all

these different things so healing is

essential to Jesus and the way in which

Jesus can work and again I knew non of

this and this girl had offered to pray

for isn't and offered prayers of healing

and at this point in time I'm literally

like I'll take anything I'll take any

one course to give us anything we were

so desperate and again to cut a really

really long story short we ended up in a

situation when George was quite

literally on his deathbed and it was it

was hideous our and like he was he

declined incredibly quickly so again I

don't want to sort of put fear into

people's heart because this is a story

of beauty but you have to understand the

pain that he was in to be able to

understand the beauty and the miraculous

of what happened because he was in an in

an inordinate amount of pain so he

basically after that day when I went out

and told me he wasn't gonna die anytime

soon

a few days later was admitted to

hospital and just went downhill day

after day after day and it was it was

disgusting to have to watch him I mean

he he was in he couldn't eat he couldn't

drink because his liver was so enlarged

it was basically pushing against his

esophagus and his stomach and pushing

kind of bile out of his mouth 24 hours a

day which I'm really mindful that this

is kind of like quite Gorian quite

brutal but it was awful I mean this this

was a man that was that was broken in

front of me you know the guy that had

eight weeks before

go to Paris and I and I was kinda like

whereas my husband like whom is he like

he looked he looked like death like his

cheeks will concave he was so weak he

was crying the whole time he his mum set

with him in the hospital because he was

absolutely terrified to be left alone it

was it was every parts again you know if

you think of sort of movies and stories

it was all of what you've seen on TV and

in a film around what you think it's

gonna be and worse I literally just felt

numb sitting on watching him and I

wanted to this is gonna sound really

awful as well I wanted to put him down

so I I remember I had never been a

believer in euthanasia and actually I'm

not now because of my spiritual beliefs

I'm not a believer in euthanasia but at

that point in time he was so ill but I

remember just being in the hospital

thinking this is horrendous there must

be something that someone can do how is

this okay yeah human can sit here in

this much mental and physical pain that

this is not alright of course so and

that and that also led me to keep

looking into other things and I was

looking at like I actually looked at

could I even like get him in my car and

drive him to Switzerland where there's a

euthanasia clinic oh yeah I even looked

at that one point it was so desperate so

in amongst all of this absolute

desperation this kind of narrative with

God continued and this girl who I didn't

know who had met a friend basically

offered to come and pray with us in

Nottingham so she came all the way from

London on the train for the day ask for

nothing

and I met her in the in the canteen of

the hospital and I remember so nervous

meeting her as I thought oh my god is

she gonna be at one of these really

weird religious fanatics like is she

gonna kind of try and brainwashers is

she is she a bit odd she can ask me for

money these are all of the thoughts that

I had in my head and I remember I sat

with her and I said to have really

really once believed in the healing and

sort of stories and and powers that

you're speaking of I just I've got to be

honest with you like I don't really

believe in God I just don't think that

God's be all like her just think it can

be and she she had a Bible out and she

she held my hand and she just said to me

look you know

I've got enough face for his face like

don't you don't need to worry about that

like just relax like I can carry you

like I can believe for you and I can

believe for George is what she said to

me which literally felt like someone had

lifted this way because I felt like I

was lying a little bit as well kind of

thing I can try to pretend that I

believe in this thing I don't know

anything it might in case it might work

you know so that day we prayed in George

is really in which again I probably

don't have the time to tell you all of

the detail of what happened but this

girl who came and prayed is now a really

really good friend is something called a

prophetic Christian and that means that

basically they can hear God in a way

that not maybe everyday person can and

they can hear really really clear things

from God sometimes absolutely

crystal-clear messages like what your

bank account number might be just a sort

of prove a point you know and it is at

the time I remember they're thinking

this is odd this is like psychic

mediumship I'm not really sure how I

feel about this so we did these really

really beautiful prayers with her and

then during the prayers basically she

she said look I've got a word for you

and at this point in time I was like how

do you know where it is like you know

what's word so I've got a letter for you

from God and I remember wanting to laugh

out loud and it was this black comedy

moment because my husband sat on a bed

dying and I'm there with this girl I've

never met before who's praying and

telling me that I've got a word which is

basically a letter that she's written to

me from God and I was sat there thinking

you know this girl's off her rocker you

know this is absolutely mental but

honestly Orin what was written in these

letters so she'd written a letter to me

and she'd written a letter for George

and what was written in these letters or

was just so us it was someone the new

our hearts it wasn't it wasn't someone

that had looked me up on Facebook or

Instagram and gone oh you Louise and

you've lived in Windsor and you've lived

in France and you you've worked here and

you've got two kids it was things about

me small details that I thought

inconsequential that God knew it was my

heart he spoke to my heart that day so I

was amazed the word that was written for

George was equally as amazing and then

there was sort of several things that

happened after that maiming so we walked

of that room and after that moment when

she came and prayed in the room

the-the-the sort of atmosphere in the

room tangibly changed and it wasn't it

was the it was the sort of spiritual

atmosphere if that makes sense it kind

of went from feeling dark and heavy to

full of life of an openness and I I was

just on my knees literally exhausted and

I remember saying to carrying that I

just love what you've done I don't know

how you've done it but you have bought

some peace and it was it was tangible

the creep the peace that she brought on

that day because it was the first time

that I'd seen George sort of soothed if

that makes sense in all of the

medication and everything that you've

been given so I just kind of said to her

like we maybe need to do a bit more of

this she said to me but you can pray you

can learn how to pray like they're going

I can't pray I don't even think I

believe in God I don't know how you pray

like what do I do with my hands how do I

stand

what do I say like I don't know how to

do this you're gonna have to find me

someone else that knows what they're

doing

and basically what then happened was the

next day I went into the hospital after

that night when I went home and put my

kids to bed and done all the other live

things I still had to carry on doing I

tried to pray for the first time and I'd

really struggled and I couldn't do it I

was like this just feels like I'm a

complete fraud I'd tried to kneel down

in my bathroom I remember like kneeling

down in my bedroom and putting my hands

together and I'm thinking what do I say

I can't do this this is already odd and

then the next morning I got up went to

the hospital at all walked into the

hospital and that morning when I went in

George was laid on his bed and the Sun

was beaming into the room like onto his

face and he's laying with his arms open

and he looked at me and he smiled and he

said to me no he's what they're giving

me I feel amazing

I just feel amazing and I just started

to cry but I knew in that moment that he

hadn't been given anything and I went

and spoke to the nurse and the nurse

looked at all of his you know details

and said he's not had anything he had

some morphine at 1:00 a.m. it was now

like 11:00 in the morning and she was

like it was enough morphine to maybe

last him a couple of hours he's

definitely not had anything so I went

back to his room and I didn't say to him

you haven't had

because I kind of thought I don't want

him to know that he hasn't had anything

if he thinks that the effort that he's

had is making people better I just

didn't want to sort of distract him from

the absolute peace that he'd

miraculously found and he literally laid

on the bed that day and just said to me

it's all gone the pain is gone

the fear is gone we'd had these

heartbreaking conversations the day

before before this this girl had arrived

to complain with us about what we did

with the kids like to be bringing the

kids in to come and see him to say

goodbye and it was probably this sounds

really awful it was less than the kids

but it was more for him because we knew

that our children was so little that

they wouldn't remember it and he and he

was really emotional about that because

he just didn't think he had the strength

to say goodbye and he didn't think he

could do it and he said to me I just I

don't he said that everybody is here now

with me you know and honestly he wasn't

the kind of person that spoken this they

already he was not a spiritual guy like

he layed on this bed so at peace and

said to me everything now is in my heart

the boys are here my love for you is

here my love all of my family is here

and it's like a bright burning ball of

energy that's never gonna go and I was

just I was absolutely overwhelmed

because I remember thinking who is this

person that's laid here because this is

my husband but it's not my husband and I

really liked what he was saying to me

was completely the tree so I knew that

he believed it you could see it

physically in his body and that that

then propelled me to go okay there's

something in what we've done here this

prayer whatever this prayer thing is

it's worked there's something in it that

we've got to do more of it maybe this

can help him and that triggered me then

to start writing letters to God so I'd

already been writing letters to George

because I've mentioned earlier I was

seeing a psychologist and she'd said to

me look like how do you communicate I

said look I like to ride she said why

she can write write write about the

trauma journal about it and I'd been

writing letters to George every day in

hospital all the things that were on my

heart that I wanted to tell him that he

didn't have the energy to hear because

he was so sick but I needed to kind of

let bubble out of my system so that that

that night I went home and I wrote my

first prayer to God and then what what

ensued was every time I prayed and wrote

a letter the girl in London who I didn't

really know who that well at the exact

moment that I would finish praying would

write a response so she'd write back and

it would be like it would be a response

to the prayers that I wrote and she

didn't know that I was writing them it

was just the most unbelievably beautiful

story so we had this you know we had

George laying on his death bed in this

state of peace in this state of perfect

bliss and he was quoting scripture okay

so George never read the Bible or

anything and he was talking to me about

perfect love which is alone for John in

the gospel and so we had that going on

so we had the sort of miraculous bodily

visible you know George George has gone

from being in pain to being at peace I

had this girl that I didn't know who was

somehow supernaturally connected and in

sync with me responding to my prayers

every time I it was like that old Tom

Hanks movie you've got mail I write I

write I write on my iPhone I ordered mr.

for my notes on my iPhone and every time

I literally press turn on the top of my

top right while I faint screen I'd get a

text it would be just like you know

scripture responses words that gotta

push you is used to frame as this is

what God's put on my heart so that

happened and then there was just this

unbelievable

presence in the room that everybody was

drawn to sit everybody at the hospital

was drawn to George's room which I now

know was the sort of you know what would

call in Christianity the Holy Spirit it

was the Holy Spirit was there it just

was pulsating through the room and what

what I find interesting now is that I

know that we all actually recognize that

if that makes sense but we don't realize

that we recognize it because it is in us

we just don't know it and and everyone

who was there you know some people were

religious some people weren't but

everybody knew there was something going

on if that makes sense that the only

universal recognition was that there's

something bigger at play here at the

hospital you know they said to me after

George died like we wish everyone could

die in this way like we

we could document it and process it so

everyone could have this des nurses were

coming in on their days off to sit with

him and just be with him because

incredible presents were so calming it

led to a great friendship that I've made

with a with a pastor of a church and not

something that we now go to every week

as he he was basically the person that

then came and prayed with us every day

because I had sort of said to this girl

in London you're gonna have to find me

someone to pray with because I knew my

friends I wasn't a person he was

religious and so yeah it was just the

way I frame it to people is I lost the

love of my life but I've gained the

greatest love all of us can ever know

and it was just so incredibly beautiful

and I'm still trying to pick the story

two years later and question you know

how why you know what does this mean all

of those are the things but ultimately

all I know is that God is real and God

is good and you know Jesus is real too

you know all of the stories that happen

in the Bible now I have now I've got

this understanding of the supernatural

that I saw in that hospital room I can

read those stories with the lens of

acceptance that I never had before and I

understand them and get that they did

happen and but I think we just I think

in the society that we live in now we

want everything to be like Amazon Prime

timelines you know and actually what

I've also very knows is that the timings

of the supernatural and the holy spirit

are just not linked to earthly timing so

you know I can never answer questions

like you know why did you need seven

people in a row why did I lose my

husband and then three months later his

mother died she dropped dead and

simultaneously to my husband dying my

dad was diagnosed with stage four cancer

you know says we it wasn't like life was

beautiful on any show yeah it really

wasn't but what I did what I do you

think I'm what I do maintain is there

you know cancer is not god-given and if

you look for God he's always there even

in the bad situations but the bad

situations are not always given by God

you know like it's man's got three will

right and some

and the way in which we behave in in the

world that we now live in is driven by

all three well it's not driven by God

because he made us that way so yeah Wow

got goosebumps yeah just a remarkable

story this gonna be in your novel yeah

this is gonna be in my novel and what

would be amazing so I'm actually doing

some edits at the moment so I'm hoping

to get the book out this year that's the

last thing so it would be it would be

really cool to like speak again might

wants the books available so I can say

to people yeah because there's so

there's such steps is the story on save

me levels and I also I'm hugely mindful

there you know like I I like they say I

can't believe what's happened to me

because I kind of look at it and go what

why like why was all of this way it went

for us but it was and it is and I just

now feel really strongly about the fact

that I have to do something with this

tale and with this story you need to

raise awareness of cancer to raise

awareness of what it is to live with

cancer that it isn't the end of your

life to raise awareness of the fact that

death is it's gonna be something that

happens to all of us and could be the

most unbelievably beautiful experience

you ever ever imagined and they're also

you need death is at the end and that

God's God is real and God is here for

you and and loves you but I also

recognize that just because I say that

doesn't mean that I can impart that

belief into life yeah I mean your your

truth is your truth and everyone's got

their own kind of truth I'm always open

to anything really I mean you've said

some certain things there that make

obviously make me think because from a

spiritual perspective I have sinned and

I have tail as many of them of stuff

similar oh yeah I'm absolutely in

cheering my spiritual stuff and even

like in terms of psychics and mediums

and I'm going to find a tangent here but

I do believe in that supernatural power

I suppose or just the whole the fairy

tale story of this person just one

person they're kind of I don't know

maybe I've just got the wrong image of

of God when I said it you knew what they

were and I think that that's the case

like I think go back to the point that

you made earlier about we have this

vision of our life should all be very

tom

kostik and we meet the dream partner and

we get the dream house and we get the

dream kids and we do things by certain

ages and I think we're all for whatever

reason book to believe that God is a

person on the cloud somewhere and I mean

I'm no theological expert you know I'm

two years into my journey of faith and

I'm still understanding the Bible and

getting my head around there and what

that means to me and how I live my life

but equally I kind of go it's not the

way that I ever thought it was if that

means I should be passionate about

because I kind of have now reflected on

my life because of everything that's

happened and gone well I mean what God

was actually there the whole time

I just didn't know him I didn't know no

I didn't know how he worked I didn't

know how he communicated I mean I if I'm

honest as a feminist have a huge beef

with the fact that he's always referred

to as a man I mean I'm not I'm not

disputing that Jesus Jesus was a man

okay but but God you know God is what he

is and that's what it says in the Bible

like he is not man he's not woman he he

is what he is and but he is called a he

because of the time in which the Bible

was written which is when you know men

ruled the world not in the way that not

that the hopefully not yeah there's a

certain but you said that you lost the

greatest love of your life or you did

then find the greatest love that we

could all will ever know and I just yeah

I was so powerful food for thought for

me absolutely because there are that I

think I think we could know how you

mentioned in that room and I was kind of

imagining like almost like watching a

film you know when you see him you Jobs

and then the sun's beaming and then

we've all probably had that feeling of

euphoria with this dis just isn't normal

life let's something else is here yeah

and I get that and if anything is weird

because although I sometimes say okay I

don't believe in God anymore

I believe in every other thing like all

these miraculous character things so

it's kind of okay maybe again is just my

language that I use language because I

find that so fascinating and I could

talk to you for hours just on that and

some of this stuff I've seen people do

like how you mentioned he was speaking

Scripture and stuff I've seen people

speak a different language that they've

never heard of yeah yeah yeah what

yeah yeah yeah is amazing Wow I'm just

I'm just so happy that it's such an

unfortunate circumstance that you've

managed to find some level of happiness

yeah life life can be found in there

like it really really and I I feel like

I've been given a second chance at life

through my husband's death which is so

desperately sad and you know my greatest

wish is that I could have this

perspective with him by my side but for

whatever reason it wasn't meant to be

that way and I'll only ever know that

reason when I am living and having with

him you know so and until then I have to

live the best life I can and the

happiest life I can for me and my

children because that's all he wanted

for us and that's what God wants for us

too so I just kind of go you know what

it's my choice you know I can choose for

this to be miserable and this can break

me or I can choose for it to make me and

I know how to do this let it make you

and let it also inspire you to share

your story with as many people as

possible yeah with the perspective you

have so yeah yeah that's fantastic Wow

okay fantastic this is actually gonna be

my first ever tea pot podcast because I

it was almost too good for me to kind of

quit off so I'm gonna actually make it a

two part show okay I think we could fit

everything in two parts as well and yes

it's fantastic so you're actually the

first ever two-part show and it's been

worth it honestly yeah could just

resonate with so many things I'm sure

they listen as well as well yeah so

adversity I think we've definitely hit

that yeah I'll on the head there a

million times over and I'm done like I

said early I'm just so happy that you're

in a much better place now what now then

now that you've found God and you've

you've almost found this new perspective

I suppose what scares you now my biggest

fear is not being able to live a faith

filled life so I I fear that I won't

that something may happen that imbalance

is this faith because actually I feel

like with my faith I can and nothing

scares me

does that make sense my biggest fear

would be to not for whatever reason to

not believe in God anymore absolutely

because of what you believe God has

given you yeah and God has for ISM for

all of us so I kind of feel like with

God by my side I don't fear anything

feel invincible I'm not so not to say

that it wouldn't be difficult and

incredibly painful and all of those are

the things but I know that God would be

with me but if for whatever reason I

lost God or I lost my connection with

God that that's my greatest fear now to

not not have that okay I understand that

okay and in terms of so your motivation

I suppose we kind of touched on it

earlier in terms of persevering and

going forward is that now to kind of

share your message further and try and

enlighten other people yes and why I

suppose my purpose now is to is to share

my story so I always say to people I

don't wish the circumstances that I have

found myself in upon anyone it's been

hell to live through but what I do wish

is the perspective if it's given me and

I realize that I've always been like

this fast track version of life yeah so

because I've had something so bad happen

to me it's maybe meant that it's

exploded in a way that's been so good

does that make sense yeah yeah maybe

think about the situation logically and

what I'm hugely mindful of and I know

I've said this already is I don't expect

that other people I mean you're gonna

come to faith with the same power and

passion that I have but for me if people

listening to my story and hearing me

talk about what I've lived through can

make them maybe think about how they

behave with people that they know with

cancer differently or lean in and help

them better or think about what they can

do to build their resilience muscle or

ultimately think about is there more

like what what isn't this life like why

am I here are you I mean ultimately you

know if I'm talking in corporate

language you know like my ultimate

optimum success would be that people

find God nutri through hearing my story

and then it kind of sparking a journey

of interest in themselves and kind of

wanting to to sort of know more and

understand more but I think there's

loads of other stuff that it could spark

for them as well so for me it's kind of

wanting to share the sadness of what's

happened to me to make people realize

they're you know there's so much life to

be lived and you've got so much more in

your tank than you ever know that you've

got until you have to be in a situation

where you're forced to use it so

yeah that's fascinating that's why you

were saying that Episode five Ashley

Nixon I think you're really really resin

L not I'm not trying to give you money

Felicity yeah he was a boxer yeah and he

found God yeah look I've shared it with

all of my it's incredible because that

one yeah okay like I said I mean I'm

here saying I don't necessarily believe

in God but that episode was so powerful

that I remember I mean I didn't put it

in the actual episode where I was

actually like screaming kind of like I

get it I get where you're kind of saying

you know how you see put in the church

and they're all like yeah yeah yeah yeah

I'm kind of getting that now with

yourself and I'm just thinking they're

encouraging I think not be a great

connection as well because I know he's

doing fantastic things I think he might

be up north now he's working yeah he's

not really on social media which but

he's just such a beautiful soul yeah

anything yeah what we're gonna do now

we're actually gonna just completely

flip the script

okay go into a segment of the show that

I just put in here just for a little bit

of fun and this is people obviously know

you now in terms of your story and

everything but I know there's also you

know just a little fashion stuff that

they could probably play from just

knowing so you ready yeah I'm ready okay

we're gonna go in three two one

okay what did you eat for breakfast

shreddies and granola the ability to fly

or be invisible be invisible money or

fame fame so I could impact people's

thoughts your proudest moment can I have

to both both of my boys face am i

achieve all those face of my boys your

favorite food

Oh chocolate Netflix our YouTube net

legs okay your number one goal this year

to publish my book to your coffee tea

your favorite sport oh gosh I don't have

a favorite sport to watch I'd probably

say tenants okay so you participate in

oh I don't really do sport I do I like

like sir

Jim can we call that a sports boys'll

why not there's no rules here fantastic

okay if you can sit with one person in

the world for an hour who would it be

Jesus your worst fear is a child Oh

probably something to do with snakes I

really don't like snakes they scare me

your favorite place in the world lake in

New Zealand South Island of New Zealand

sounds amazing speak our languages we'll

be able to speak to animals speak all

the languages if you could have punished

one thing in the world what would it be

poverty would you rather than on how you

would die or when you were they how or

when I probably say when because I think

the power of being able to say goodbye

is unbelievable and it's interesting

actually because I remember someone

asked me this question before George

died and I always just said I wouldn't

want to know I just want to be shot and

actually what I would say to people now

is it's just so unbelievably powerful

and to have the opportunity to say

goodbye and even though it's sad it's so

so healing to be able to do it say that

I think you know when you're gonna die

so you can prepare for it emotionally

financially is a huge blessing yeah

absolutely I think we're gonna leave it

there and I think that's it that's a

great that you said because I think with

death it's more the uncertainty and than

the shock of it that really just throws

people into a whole whirlwind yeah yeah

we're almost at the end of the show no

sadly just got two more things I want to

ask you and I think this would be an

interesting answer from yourself because

it's about reflection and I'm not used

to turn it easier how you wish you had

your perspective when George was around

so my my view is always the same

hindsight you know it's a wonderful

thing we can obviously learn ways where

we can get to places quicker easier with

less heartache but like yourself which

I'm sure you'll agree it teaches us so

many lessons yeah access to people that

we are so knowing exactly what you know

now if you could go back and take

yourself back to a younger Louise you

can choose whatever age you wish what

would you what would you whisper in your

younger selves is I'd whisper in my ear

you're loved

God is real he's for you he has a plan

for you he's with you and he wants you

to surrender to him in a way that only

is right for you I love that I think

obviously because your experience with

God knows if you were able to have that

then yeah yeah absolutely yeah

suddenly were actually at the last

question now and again this is a

question ask all of my guests I'm always

interested to kind of know how people

want to be remembered and I'm always

eager to get as many people to share

their stories as possible because at the

end of the day I truly believe nobody

really wants to be forgotten and I think

we've all got a story out there so if we

say in 150 years time science fails to

save us and all that is left is a book

and this book is by yourself and it's on

the table and you've got a I suppose

kind of make people want to pick it up

so what firstly would the title say and

secondly the blurb at the back of it

what would it tell us about yourself

well this is easy re because I'm right

looking I want to write more than one

book so the series the series of my book

would be called the wonderfulness of

life and which is actually a name that's

taken a lot of letter it's a name that's

taken from a letter that George wrote

and before he died reflecting on the

wonderfulness of life the first book

would be called he heard my cry and

that's the story that I've sort of told

in part today so if we take that first

book which is the book I'm hoping to

it's obviously kind of published this

year and that story is a true story

about love's exploding into my life a

moment when I was least expecting it and

you would maybe say that I was like

Bridget Jones meeting God tragic about

that backdrops and it's the tale of how

I was gifted a front-row seat to a

real-life miracle the tale of how I lost

the love of my life that gained the

greatest love we can all ever know and

it's a tale that I hope and wish will

impact the thinking of a generation wow

I love that

a real-life miracle yeah it's a

brilliant tagline just in relation to

your book and I'll keep jumping back to

this are you gonna be releasing an

audible version I haven't even got that

far that's a good idea

I'd like to yeah like I'm just being

selfish here because if I read pages

from a book I'm asleep within three

seconds so I listen to a lot of my stuff

i podcast and I would take that as a

sign are you amazing please do that I

think you're being credible and just

before you leave then I'd like to put in

the show notes obviously for people to

be able to contact you and then yeah

hopefully by them contacting you can

obviously keep them up to date with the

release of the novel but then I'd love

to get you back as well

closer to that release or after you've

released it as well because I just you

know this is an incredible inspiring

remarkable story I think you're

fascinating the way you've you just

found this bliss and I can hear it from

your voice all the way through because I

was expecting and I'm quite an emotional

person to get choked up during this

interview mm-hmm if anything you're

making me just I've just been smiling

just hearing it although there's a sad

element to the story it's just almost I

just feel I just feel happy for that so

if you caught my husband used to always

say say be sad but she was happy yeah he

always she's happy I love that yeah yeah

so if you could just give us where the

listeners can find yourself yeah I say

the best the best place to find me is

probably on Instagram so I'm on

Instagram as wonderful nurse underscore

of underscore life so it's wonderfulness

of life the two underscores I have got a

website that it's being built at the

moment and and yeah I'm also on Facebook

as Louise Bligh is but I post on

Facebook cause wonderfulness of life and

that's kind of my reflections on life I

suppose and the wonderfulness that we

find in in every day in everyday joy you

know so it's me talking about how I you

know I think it's an invitation to come

and see life through my eyes almost

certainly I didn't knew this afternoon

as well when I get back from my next

meeting I'll add that all in the show

knows and once

or website is sell and please do let me

know because what I can do is go back

into the show notes and edit it because

these episodes they get listened to all

sorts of weird and wonderful it's just

not it is www.hs wonderful nurse of life

calm I think computer I think that's it

my it's there there's a holding page

there and there's a picture of me it's

linked to my Instagram but it's not got

all the content on it at the moment but

if you put that on it is it will take it

will take you somewhere to me and you

can send me a message that I'll get on

that as well so fantastic ok so this has

actually been our first ever two-part

episode thank you thank you thank you

honestly thank you so much for sharing

your story I'm sure it's gonna resonate

with so many people it's been an

absolute pleasure for the listeners as

well thanks for listening oh you're so

welcome

and remember this podcast is absolutely

free so all we ask in return is for you

to share this with a friend and drop us

a five star review over on iTunes have

an awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Finding happiness after the death of your spouse part 1/2 #17

Mon, 15 Apr 2019 04:55:13 GMT

Find your voice - Episode 17- "Wonderfulness of Life" - Louise Blyth #17 Part 1

Tagline: "Be the captain of your fate and master of your soul"

Now a widow of 2 children, Louise has created The Wonderfulness of Life which focuses on, Happiness being a choice and a state of mind.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Links to guest:

Website: https://www.thewonderfulnessoflife.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/louise-blyth-207a7a49

Instagram: https://instagram.com/wonderfulness_of_life

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/louise.Blyth83

Have an awesome day

#JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren do what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aren and as always I am the

host of the show so before I begin this

announcement I just want to say a

massive massive massive thank you to

every single one of you who have

listened to this show I also want to say

a massive thank you to anyone who has

previously listened to his show and left

a review because it's your reviews that

I've helped us get into the news and not

worthy on iTunes now this is no small

feat this is actually an incredible

achievement and the more I research it

they're more proud I actually feel but

more importantly I'm so proud of my

guests and I'm so grateful that they

were able to share their journey but I'm

also so happy to have such loyal

listeners like yourselves to really

support this movement and that's exactly

what it is it's a movement it's about

trying to inspire people try and put a

positive beacon of light into the world

and really try and get everyone to live

their best life combat their excuses and

really change their perception and

mindset so without rambling on too much

we have a really really exciting

two-part episode coming up for you now

now this is actually our first ever

two-part episode and conscious of your

time which is obviously our biggest and

most important commodity I'm gonna jump

straight into this one okay so I just

want to start by thanking Louise for her

time and coming onto the show today to

share her story which I'm sure you're

all gonna find absolutely inspirational

so Louise how are you doing today

I'm good thank you I'm good fantastic

fantastic so I just want to say thank

you I appreciate you and I'm really

looking forward to this one so this was

actually a recommendation from somebody

else you may have

one heard previously on a podcast it's

episode number fourteen and it's my bet

daily Rylan it's something that I urge

all of you to check out because it was

actually within the first four hours it

got the most number of listen

straightaway so it's a great hit and I'd

recommend you all going back to that

however moving on now we have another

fantastic guest in Lewis so Louise I

think it's really important for the

listeners to understand your story and

understand a little bit about yourself

as well if you if you wouldn't mind if

you could just kind of give us an

insight into yourself a little bit about

your journey and what basically brings

you here today yeah no worries so and if

I'm completely honest I never thought

three even four years ago that I would

be someone that would be sat being

interviewed on a podcast talking about

the subject that I'm going to bring to

the table today which is loss

bereavement and life after living

through sort of that kind of trauma so

so my story is from nottingham from

robin hood that's where i kind of grow

up grew up and spent my childhood had a

fantastic childhood my parents really

sort of put myself over the first I was

kind of one of those people at school

that was not really super cool but also

I hope not too much of a mega geek and

you know you did did the normal stuff

kind of growing up going into nightclubs

probably too young being carried out of

nightclubs after having drink too much

so my friends before say probably too

young and went away to university at 18

where I studied French and actually

lived abroad for a year when I was 19

which was quite young and that was I

suppose my first experience if I'm being

brutally honest of life if that makes

sense so in terms of really realizing

things around loneliness relationships

being able to kind of go it alone and do

things for yourself because essentially

when you're on your own in a foreign

country you have no one else to rely on

other than yourself and I and so that

was that was really really kind of big

experience in my life and graduated in

in 2006 probably like many so you really

expect it about what life had to offer

me and had one of these huge plans

around what I thought I was gonna be and

what car is thought I was gonna drive

and what house I wanted to have hadn't

met kind of anyone special at that point

there's been a few a few boys but no one

who'd kind of really made me sort of sit

up and take notice and in 2006 I was

accepted on to a training scheme a

graduate training scheme and that was

kind of a supposed to start of where my

life really really started to change so

I I started there in September and on my

first day in fact before my my first day

on the induction day I met George who I

would fall in love with and marry so we

were part of a group of about 30 people

he will join together and we had a great

time it was like being at university you

know me we were there training together

living together all became really really

great friends but he was the guy that

kind of more than anyone else you know

was not never first I on any level I you

know I remember thinking oh my gosh this

guy's so confident you know he's really

sort of sure of himself but we just

became really great friends and we used

to would talk all the time and then it

was that that Christmas so this is the

September when we started our job and it

was that Christmas when we actually kind

of had our first kiss so he'd he'd

really really raison he said when he

first were in the business oh well I'm

gonna be I'm gonna be in Edinburgh so

I'm gonna have a hub burn a party and

we're all gonna come to Edinburgh and

have this holiday party and I remember

thinking oh my god who is this guy like

they're so confident

so anyway true to his words you know

four months later there we all were sort

of twenty or so others at his flat in in

Edinburgh and that's kind of where

George and I had our first kiss

New Year's 2006 2007 and after that you

know my life my life changed in an

instant I know for people that are

listening that of maybe you know you've

met someone that they know that they

won't spend the rest of their life with

when you meet that special person you

know really it is everything that you've

ever hoped for it is kind of like the

movies and the songs

and it's it's truly beautiful it's a

really amazing experience and we knew we

knew from the outset that we had

something special I think that often you

do you know it was more than just a

friendship it was a kind of deep

respectful sort of love it was it was it

was powerful you know and so we kind of

went on living our lives together you

know as what happens when you meet the

person that you want to spend your life

with you know you stop being you stop

being as our lives became more and more

intertwined so we we lived apart we

lived together

we vented together we bought a house

together his kind of his career went

from kind of great amazing as he kind of

charged through the ranks from corporate

perspective we were engaged in 2010 we

were married in 2011

I felt pregnant we had off this baby

quite quickly which was just a huge

blessing and we it gave birth to of this

son in 2013 so for all intents and

purposes we were the couple that that

had it all we were probably the people

and I hugely recognize this that people

look to in kind of discipline oh how

they got this you know like they've

they've met young they've both got good

jobs they're doing really well hopefully

they thought we were nice people you

know we had we had a nice house we drove

nice cars we had a you know we had we

decided we wanted to have a baby and it

just was easy we got pregnant and I had

no problems with my pregnancy so you

know we were on to a good thing life was

life was really really great and then we

decided to have another baby and I got

pregnant very easily again and shortly

after office and was born we moved house

so we relocated back to Nottingham sure

because by this point we're living down

south because that's like the street sir

I paid gold and then whilst I was

pregnant with our second son George just

had this overwhelming feeling which I

can come back to and talk about some

more and as we kept kind of maybe deeper

into the interview there that we had to

move that we had to move back to my

hometown and

um so we we bought a house when I was

six months pregnant and moved after our

son was just born to me with an 8 week

old baby at that time that's when George

started to be presenting with symptoms

that just weren't you know wasn't well

and we couldn't get to the bottom of it

he was wrong he constantly had a cold he

was always tired

he was really rundown he had low really

really low energy levels and because of

the stage and the circumstance of our

life in that we had two incredibly young

children Zoey at this point you know we

had a three-month-old baby and a

two-year-old son and you know just

Newhouse

George was commuting to London from our

house and Notting Michelle it is a big

commute you know said not you know not

for the faint-hearted

we just continually put it down to the

fact that this is what life is in your

season and you know you try and have

yeah we're rundown you know this is

having kids everyone whinges about the

tiredness and the exhaustion which is a

you know it's part of the territory of

you know you don't live with your

children but it just didn't sort of seem

to get better and there was this

continual niggle that was there and

essentially basically we pursued it and

to cut a long story short of how we

actually came to this conclusion we

decided to send George for a colonoscopy

which is a process where you basically

have a camera put up your bottom it's

not that unpleasant so he went off and

had this procedure and I mean this is

what our life was like at this point in

time our and so he decided to have this

procedure in London because he remember

him saying to me

you know I'm so busy at work what I can

do is I can go to work and then I can do

this after work and I can come back and

I can still behave at that time we

genuinely didn't think that there was a

big you know big big reason to be

concerned all of the health care

professionals had said to us there's not

a reason to be worried he's so young

he's 33 it's definitely not gonna be

bowel cancer and basically that day that

you had the colonoscopy which was the

the 9th of December 2015

he called me I was at home literally

kind of quite literally walking around

the Christmas tree and my little boy

answer and with a little Senate nurse we

putting all my fairy lights out thinking

wow you know life's amazing this is gray

and he called me and that phone call was

the moment that just shattered my life

because having your husband ringing and

say the words I've got cancer ah it was

just it felt like a time-space continuum

and I yeah it was just hideous and I

remember saying to him oh my god she

can't know this already how do you know

like it can't be which was actually the

route that I went domine when he told us

was exactly the route that all of our

friends went down afterwards when we

actually had to then tell them the news

which was just as difficult as him

having to tell me and I know now that

that's the kind of psychological

response in terms of you know plausible

denial you want to commercialise with

what you're hearing and you want somehow

to be like this isn't true this this

can't be the case this isn't us you know

do you not know who we are today and I

remember you know being on the phone

with George and crying and him saying to

me it's fine like he'd managed to have

the force I mean this is the kind of

incredible guy he was he'd had the

foresight to call my parents tell my

parents what happened before he ran me

so he could say to me after he told me

I've got cancer your mum and dad are on

the way

your mum doubt of coming over and

they're gonna be here any minute and

they're gonna be they're gonna be here

they're gonna scoop you up and I'm on my

way back from London it was just so so

so kind and so thoughtful which was just

who he was to his core

so that was December 2015 and our lives

in that instant you know I often joked

with people and say I sing the song from

Fresh Prince of bel-air oh it's probably

shows the kind of generation that I am

it was you know this Oriole upside down

because in that instant it was my life

was flipped turned upside down and yeah

it was just everything that we knew

about our life was thrown thrown on the

floor but then that you know that wasn't

the end that was the beginning of a new

life and a new existence which went on

for 11 months

so we then lived in a season of stage

four bowel cancer so when George was

diagnosed he had metastatic bowel cancer

which is base

we can circle of lingo for the fact that

the cancers bad and it spreads to

different parts of your body and in

George's case it spread to his liver

which is not good news obviously it's

one of our major organs that you need to

function so George then lived through I

think it was eight rounds of

chemotherapy followed by six weeks of

really intense radiotherapy followed by

a season of kind of watch wait let's see

where this where these horrible cells

kind of come back then he did a huge

huge surgery in the summer which is

something called the liver resection

which is essentially where you get

chopped open and all of your liver

there's got cancer and chopped out which

is kind of just the most epic surgery

you can imagine before he did that he

cycled around London and raised a lot of

money for bowel cancer UK and then he

said I remember him saying to his

oncologist you know just before he had

this liver surgery I'm gonna I'm gonna

do more bike riding and then this sort

of all looking at him like he was

completely mental eight weeks to the day

after he'd had his liver resection he

cycled from London to Paris released

more funds for Bar Council UK and then

shortly after returning home from that

boat ride he started complaining again

feeling unwell and we you know we

genuinely thought that we were on the

sort of positive track with this disease

and literally eight weeks the day after

he'd stood in front of the eiffel tower

you know holding his bike you know in

this kind of really momentous epic

photograph that I've got of him he was

dead so he he went downhill incredibly

quickly and peacefully passed away on

the 18th of November 2016 so I was 33

and I had a three year old and a ten

year olds and yes it was incredibly

incredibly hard yet was incredibly

beautiful and a moment of glory that I

never expected at the moment of his

passing so I suppose that was a real

game-changing moment when he died which

was just absolutely beautiful and

there's no other word to describe it

which is I suppose why my story's a bit

different because I think probably most

people are going to be expecting me to

say and then it was him

yes and then it was all for and I love

this season of grief and and it has been

and it was all of those things but it

was equally really beautiful because of

their the way in which George died and

what happened to all of this at the

moment of his death which I'm sort of

really excited to talk some more with

you about say and just stunned that last

bit and which we will touch on just in a

few moments time I can tell that you

were going to have that response just

from the way you were explaining your

journey and everything that you've been

through so but when I think of concern

what it's done to my family it becomes a

more of an emotional thing and it's

quite like even when you talk about it

like demeanor and everything changes

when you say you can see that you've

actually found the silver lining in this

in this journey that you've had to take

and I just find that incredible so I'm

looking forward to hearing just a bit

more about that have balls and know

about how it was one not only incredibly

hard but also incredibly beautiful I

mean I'm taking notes here because I

don't want to miss anything and I'm sure

listeners I probably think ask her this

ask her this because it's so fascinating

because what you've literally described

is a fairy tale story and it's kind of a

story that I suppose when we grow up

there's there's a thing and I was I was

doing a speech recently and I was saying

how you know how we go to school and

yeah you get your results and then you

go to secondary school then you have the

I love is then you go to university then

you get married and you have kids and

then you retire at 65 it's almost like

somewhere in a in our subconscious I

suppose we reprogram to believe we're

just going to lift or 65 when

everything's just gonna fall in place

and then what happens it comes in boom

it hits you how is he so hard yeah

that's why people struggle and I just

think yeah it's a I'm grateful that

you're sharing this story because it

would just wake people up yeah I'm very

fortunate that nothing like that has

happened to my wife or myself at this

moment but I do try and live as if that

could happen tomorrow oh yeah it would

that the nightmares that could

potentially happen so oh you mentioned

that you've been travelling for a year

as well not obviously generate so where

did you travel so I didn't travel so I

lived I mean sorry you lived you live

yeah yeah yeah and I said friendship

University and I lived in fret in France

I actually lived I need to be honest I'd

love to go back now as a 35 year old and

do I did then I lived in the noir

Weinberg

which at the time as a 19 year old he

basically like drinking wkt blue it was

completely lost of me as like a kind of

cultural experience but it was part it

was part of my my studies in terms of

what I had to do to kind of learn the

language but yeah that was that was

interesting and it's been really

fascinating actually as I've taken some

time particularly this last year because

I've been taking some time out of work

to actually I'm writing a novel actually

so I'm writing the story of what what

happened to is in that in detail because

I'm really mindful that to try and relay

it in you know an hour even in two hours

it doesn't do it justice which is why

I'm writing the story of exactly you

know all of the twists and turns and the

beauty of what unfolded but essentially

you know I've really realized that that

experience that I had in France was

really formative and actually was

equipping me with skills that I would

need kind of in the moment of George's

death and it was also interesting in

that some of the corporate experiences

that I'd had as well so often you know

people always saying it's very cliche

isn't it you know when you're having a

difficult time people often say stuff to

you like you know this all happens for a

reason or you know it's in difficulty

where you learn and you know what I

hugely believe in both of those points

but actually when you're in that

hardship and you're in that season of

struggle and people say that to you if

I'm being brutally honest sometimes it

feels like a slap in the face because

you just you just feel kind of like well

you don't know what is to be in the

situation I'm in and how do you know

that I've been positioned for such a

time as this but I think you have to I

think you have to come to that

conclusion yourself I don't think other

people can kind of impart that wisdom

into you and it's taken me to live

through the experience of my husband's

cancer and his death to wake up to life

does that make sense

and I now look at all of these

experiences that I've had the good and

the bad and go wow like I was being like

trained I was being because I was

positioned into that set of

circumstances the reason why that

happened was to serve me later and when

you start to reflect that in that way

you often see that you've done that you

did do some really great learning in me

seasons of struggle and they and they

have served to make you a more full kind

of person that can then cope and be more

resilient in times that will be even

tougher may be that you face in the

future say yeah this interesting I just

love that I just love your perspective

on things and I think because I believe

everyone gets these potential lessons

and I call it potential lessons because

yeah it's what they take from it really

and yes that you mentioned resilience as

well and yeah I I've had

I mean I'm day two you know and I feel

like I've had some ups and downs as well

in my life which I'm sure every single

person has yeah the grass is never

greener on the other side yeah

absolutely yeah I mean that's one of the

reasons for this podcast but I'm

grateful now especially in hindsight of

all the adversity and everything that

I've been through because now when

something trivial happens say for

instance in my day job or you got a flat

tire or something that would normally I

suppose dress me out five six years ago

yeah yeah it just doesn't faze me

because in the grand scheme of things do

you know what I mean you you snot

absolutely 100% yeah I'm interested in

this novel Azure which i think is gonna

be fantastic because like you said we

can't touch on everything within this

short amount of time but I think just

from listening to the opening 15-20

minutes people are going to be very

interested in hearing more about this

myself included and I think you're not

alone in what you've experienced but I'm

sure that you're very unique in terms of

how you've change your perspective and I

think if you can hopefully help other

people who have maybe been through a

similar situation to maybe look at it in

the way that you said so I want to go

back to that bit where you mentioned how

incredibly hard it was oh but then also

incredibly beautiful if you yeah yeah so

let's talk about the hardship and the

struggle first I think you have you see

that fully fully understand that then

understand the beauty if that makes

sense you have to source it in the

darkness to feel to feel the light which

sounds quite cheesy but I think it's you

know that's kind of essentially the the

heart of this story and you know that

moment that if we go back to the moment

that I described to you earlier when you

know George was diagnosed with cancer it

was hideous

and I often say to people actually that

is when my life changed and that is when

I started to grieve

because that was the moment that our

lives changed forever at that point we

were obviously still hoping there George

was gonna live to tell the tale

but even if he had lived to tell the

tale he would have been living to tell

the tale with the with the scar of

cancer and I think this is the part of

cancer that is so widely misunderstood

people want to treat it like a disease

there is a heart problem or an

orthopedic problem which is you know you

go to the hospital you have some

medicine and you get better and your

life's all okay again and actually the

reality of cancer at any stage that you

get it is that it alters the check that

your mindset and the course of your life

forever because it fundamentally makes

you realize your own mortality in a way

that you've never had to realize it

before and it also therefore because of

that makes you live your life very

differently it makes you live your life

in fear it also makes you live your life

with joy because you appreciate and have

such a broader perspective for the

amazing and wonderful variety of what

you see in everyday life because it is

you know that is where you live and in

in the everyday not in the holiday that

you've got planning for six months time

or the night out that you're really

looking forward to a couple of weeks and

and cancer really has a way of sort of

shifting your perspective and I think I

think this shift of perspective is

universal but obviously I think from my

own experience is not fertile for anyone

else he's impacted by this disease but

what's interesting is you know once you

kind of take some time to let the news

settle which you have to do and you get

news that big you know I remember for

George and I we had the classic

fight-or-flight response and we actually

chose flight so we ran away essentially

to the yorkshire dales which was where

George's mother lived and basically

spent sort of two or three days almost

in hiding trying to figure out what we

were gonna do so yeah we we ran away to

the oxidase and there we sort of like

tried to look at the situation

pragmatically so both of this had sort

of a spaceman entrained in the corporate

world because of the circumstances in

which we

which was on this kind of management

training scheme unit we'd both been

through quite vigorous corporate

training so we've done all of the you

know separate the people from the

problem how do you make a decision all

of that kind of stuff and actually we

kind of said you know what we've got to

kind of implement some of these skills

that we've been taught in terms of

facing this this beast that is cancer

and that and that's kind of what we

chose to do so when we actually sort of

approached it as if it was almost a

corporate problem and and I and I feel

like I'm I'm I'm even laughing as I say

this because it because essentially this

is what we had to do we had to look at

it as not a black dark disease that was

gonna claim our life we had to look at

it as a unwanted guest that maybe moved

into our house which is how it fell and

then it was kind of like what what we're

gonna do in this and once a guest

how are we gonna how are we gonna make

you feel part of the family and then we

don't really want them to be here but

accept the fact that they are gonna

probably eat our table now for the

foreseeable future and we can't make

them leave they're only gonna go when

they want to you know so we we looked at

you know what we could do and one of the

first things actually that we did was

and it was George's this is all

different by George not by me was he

sort of said well I'm not having cancer

and I remember saying to him what are

you talking about you know you've got

cancer like we can't we can't get rid of

it just like that and say no what I mean

is I'm not I'm not calling it cancer I'm

not I'm not going to be named as having

cancer because there's a lot in the name

I mean there's even a you know there's

the beautiful Shakespeare quote of you

know if Rose has anything else you know

I can't I can't remember it and the

baton but it's about you know if it was

caught if it was still called over but

it was cannot call the rose but it still

smells so sweet and that same that same

thinking and that same mindset is so

true cancer because the problem is is

you say cancer to people and people

think death because people are so scared

of death and actually the reality these

days is one and two people will get

cancer and also lots of people have

cancer and go on to live really

beautiful long lives also have cancer

and live really successfully with cancer

for a good number of years

but we all have this fear you know it's

essentially the Millennial tuberculosis

that you get cancer and it's literally

like then the Grim Reaper is their door

yeah so George George said to me from

the from the outset I don't want cancer

I'm not gonna have cancer I'm gonna have

a project name so we we we were sort of

like I was like okay so it was it was

like a awesome cheesy episode of The

Apprentice we were driving north and he

we were there thinking of names and

every name I came up with which I can't

remember any of the names I actually

came up with he he was beating of

dallying no that's awful that's that's

horrendous I kind of thought I can't

have this then he said out of nowhere

Invictus what about Invictus and

honestly when he said that name it was

literally like a thunderclap in the car

it was amazing like it shot waves

through my heart and I was like that's

amazing I was like why do we both know

this name a week googled it and we're

like oh it's an aftershave and then we

would you know laughing joking which

again is another you know like that is a

real great way of building resilience so

it sounds so awful and crude to say but

to try and find the fun and the smiles

and the everyday humor in amongst you

know this car crash that is your life is

so important because you're still

yourself when you still find the same

things funny and you like eating the

same sweets and the same places even

though you've got cancer

I remember we're in fits of laughter be

kind of like you know why on earth have

you chosen an aftershave advert this is

just really cheesy but then when we went

further into it we found out that

actually the original naming conventions

are coming from this amazing poet and by

Ernest Hemingway which actually I now

having a frame on my wall at home and

the line the closeout line of the poem

is this really sort of like thunderous

clothes which basically says I'm the

captain of my fate and I am the master

of my soul and those words we were just

like they were literally like boom to

our hearts we were like yes okay this is

it now we we are not having cancer so

we're having sort of project and victors

and that was the start of is I

suppose time to refrain what was

happening to is but that also didn't

mean that what was happening to us

wasn't horrible you know like there's

lots of cancer there is hideous there is

absolute sleep deprivation because

you're so anxious about everything that

you you go to bed and you can't sleep

and you're wide awake you wide awake

there's there's an easier because of

that because you're so exhausted you're

and you're trying to keep the show on

the road

you can't remember sometimes the most

simplest of things there's the the huge

impact that it has on your daily life I

mean essentially I was still on

maternity leave you know we had an eight

month old baby so I was supposed to be

the one that was being looked after

because I was up at night you know still

with a baby that didn't really know you

know day from night if I'm being

brutally honest yeah and you know then I

had to switch roles into this person

that wasn't just caring for a

two-year-old and a eight month old it

was also caring for a guy he was there

two three who had cancer which for him

was just as difficult as it was for me

because he was the the dad he was the

father figure of the family he wanted to

be able to provide and support his wife

at his children and the reality of the

cancer treatment that he had was there I

mean he had really really top-drawer

chemo which was like I remember them

saying the hospital is it's pretty much

like we're putting bleach in your veins

and he had it every 11 days so he didn't

have much downtime between treatment you

know he'd go on it he'd go on his go and

have his infusion and actually he then

had to come home with a with a bottle

attached to him which is a type of

chemotherapy that lots of bowel cancer

patients if anyone who's had bowel

cancer is listening will be familiar

with and you then basically take the

pump it's called a pump home with you

for three days so that was you know that

was a man mindful in itself because we

had to explain to our kids what was

going on that they couldn't jump on

daddy and it wasn't ever that we kept

anything secret from our children but

you know our oldest child was two years

old you know how do you explain to a 2

year old dad daddy's got cancer that

he's got this medicine on him I mean

actually and that is what we explained

to him and we had to explain what the

words meant to him but you know they

don't

at that age they don't understand what

it means they it means nothing to them

you know for all intensive purposes for

them it was like daddy had a bottle of

Cal Poly attached to him you know they

didn't get the severity of it and it was

really tough and it brought up a lot of

stuff for me around you know what do I

do in terms of work so obviously I was

off work on maternity leave I actually

went back to work because I felt so much

pressure because I was thinking you know

I don't we'd have no idea how long this

cancer journeys gonna go on for and even

though both of our employers were just

the most supportive employers B could

have ever asked for

you always have that niggle in the back

of your head that actually if this goes

on for six years seven years are they

still going to be this supportive and

list understand a and I remember saying

to George you know I've got to go back

to work George because we might be in a

position where we're only rely you know

we're relying upon my salary and you

know you can't work which he never

really wanted to face into so I went

back to work and even when I talk about

it now I genuinely don't know how I did

it I went back to work with a

one-year-old just three year old and a

husband with cancer and was kind of

doing my job as well as commuting to

London and you know running a house you

know it was absolutely exhausting and

exhausting in a way that makes your soul

eight you know it wasn't just it wasn't

just sort of tired of the way that

people say I'm tired you know it was

exhausting and it was the relentless

sort of tsunami of it all because the

way that cancer works is you kind of it

is it's a long boil disease you know it

isn't a disease there you know it goes

it doesn't go away like an orthopaedic

you know injury like I said previously

and it and it's it's always there

simmering in the background and every

now and again you get these huge waves

that crash over you and they sometimes

absolutely come out of nowhere and it's

about then how you how you protect

yourself and what you what you do - I

suppose build that resilience and that's

what we learn in that 11 months

essentially initially it was like we

were all at sea we have no idea what the

hell we were doing and gradually as the

year

went on we built that resilience muscle

and we learned the techniques around

what is it that's gonna help us and we

knew that there were certain things that

for us as a family he with the things

that work but that took some time to

figure out it wasn't like the next day

after George I can't sir we went yeah

this is this is what we have to do this

trick is it yeah

no no so it was so hard it was so so

hard so hard yeah

firstly what a wonderful person he

sounds like and I just in your

relationship the way you were just

feeding a feature then you had this

whole story behind Invictus Sol Invictus

for me initially yeah Paco Rabanne it's

the which is what I remembered but also

there's a film money as well yes and

it's happened to feed on conquerable so

Wow

yeah you actually said it in this moment

that's what I was feeling and I was

getting almost goose thinking yeah

that's it how you guys have done it and

it just shows the power of like the

human will and the importance that words

because just by changing that name

you're not you're not necessarily saying

to listeners here listen let's brush

cancer under the copy and pretend it's

not here what you're saying is okay we

acknowledge it's here and some days

we're facing it but we're gonna just

face it in a more positive way to help

us move forward and I think that's

really really yeah the way you've done

that and in terms of exhausting I mean

we all sit here myself included and

we'll have a 14 hour day or a 12 hour

day we've been asked to do some overtime

and we feel you know what I'm tired I'm

tired and here you are with no actual

choice with your back against the wall

just showing how powerful the human mind

and body in sync how much we're actually

capable of doing and that also goes sexy

when you mentioned George who did that

running I mean who in their right mind

if you think about it from a logical

perspective things after being chopped

up I'm go go go raise money wait you

know you know what there are what I

would say is I follow some really

inspirational people on Instagram and

particularly love the the three women

and who created the you me Big C podcast

and Rachel blance or sadly passed away

in September last year and I follow I

follow the girls actually that do that

show on Instagram and they ones a cancer

survivor one one is living with stage

four cancer

they are always out exercising and

actually what I would say is it hey

for you to realize that your body is

fragile and that you have to look after

it to want to look after it sometimes

and actually the irony is is that George

actually was a fitness fanatic even

before he had cancer so he was on these

people that would go to gym gym and I

would always be like what are you doing

but I had to say since he has had cancer

and obviously lost his life to cancer

it's made me go as well you know your

body is so precious you have to look

after it you have to be mindful of what

you're putting in it in the way in which

you're using it in the way in which

you're nurturing it because it's it's

precious to you and it's your only

rocket ship you're not going to get

another one so you have to look after it

and I think incredibly there is this

mindset amongst the cancer community of

I am gonna do the stuff that like you

know that we run a 5k or run a marathon

because almost as well you know everyone

knows the healing benefits of fitness

it's it's proven right so there is this

mindset of just you know well I am what

I want to do this mentally even more

than I've ever wanted to do it so I do

you think it's crazy but I also think

you know not taking anything away from

George because it was incredible what he

did but I also think you'll find that

there are lots of people who are

impacted by cancer that also have that

absolute mindset of no I'm gonna go for

it I'm gonna raise this money I'm gonna

go and do this and I think you're right

and I think but this is kind of what I

want this podcast to do is not let

somebody have to suffer with cancer see

somebody also for with cancer to really

understand what they're actually capable

of because we're so much we're living

just in the comfort zone all the time

and health and fitness is one of my

biggest passions so yeah I've always

been into it but then when I went to

university was it was more about vodka

commands and hangovers sure yeah it was

that kind of stuff for generally

speaking up when I was about 25 I think

that's when cancer came into into my

family only affected my own cause yeah

and one of the things I started doing

then was really taking my health and

fitness seriously so I blogged on

personal training since then I've

trained over like three 400 clients and

I always know my analogy is I know the

circumstances for instance similar to

Georgia where you can be healthy you can

be doing

right and then it's just not meant to be

I can just come for what I always try

and do is just put the odds in my favor

and I always tell all my clients just

put the odds in your favor you know when

you lift some weights or you do any sort

of CV exercise cardiovascular you're

you're you're reducing the chances of of

illness and that's kind of what I do so

every single morning without fail and

unless some literally on my deathbed

sorry or I'm traveling I'm training and

I don't have to enjoy it but for me you

know it's 4% on my day just after

yourself and you touched on something

there by what you put into yourself and

I think it's important for the listeners

just to know it's not just physical

consumption like food and water it's

also what you say in your monitor yeah

absolutely

so the project Invictus that kind of

stuff is it's empowering and if you can

just so I just think there's this I

could talk about what you said now for

another five hours because I'm sure

people are going to pick up on thank you

thank you for sharing all of that what I

need to move it forward just slightly

otherwise we'll have a six hour podcast

but what definitely can get you back on

so nice obviously change quite quite

significantly now yeah yeah and it's

something that you obviously you're

never prepared for what is a day like

for yourself now and what I want to ask

How to live with Energy with Actress, Comedian Jen Elyse #16

Mon, 08 Apr 2019 04:55:09 GMT

Find your voice - Episode 16- "The Keys to Live The Life" - Jen Elyse #16

Tagline: "If you're not laughing, you're not living"

Jen, struggled with debilitating back pain and chronic fatigue and found no answers to conquer her condition. Having numerous consultations with doctors and specialists she was left to take control of her own life. Taking it upon herself to fix her condition she began to explore the importance of nutrition, holistic health, diet and movement and found herself regaining her health, wellness and living a life of authenticity and happiness.

She is also Find Your Voice's first oversea guests and what a way to kick it off with a story of someone who makes no complaints about their life, seeks happiness in every opportunity, loves to laugh and make others laugh and continues to write her own story at her own free will.

I hope you can all resonate with her story and take note of some great nutrition tips and tricks she mentions in this podcast that can help you all live a healthier, happier and higher energy lifestyle.

Jen is also a holistic health counsellor, Reki master, actress, MUA, comedian and a lover of all things health and wellness and I can see this list growing! Be sure to check her out over at the show notes below:

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Links to guest:

Website: https://www.fthelifewithjenergy.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jenelyse/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelifewithjenergy/

Facebook: Jen Elyse Feldy

Have an awesome day

#JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren do what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aren and as always I am the

host of the show so we actually have our

first international guest on the show

today and yes we have gone over to the

states so it's a fascinating story

actually because it's a story of

somebody who are supposed reminds me a

little bit of myself in terms of she's

basically writing her own story she's

doing the things that she loves to do so

whether that's in health and fitness

whether it's in comedy or whether it's

actually in acting as well and she's

doing quite a few other quirky and

wonderful things that we explore in this

episode and again the purpose of this

show and find your voice one of the

meanings behind it is that we all use

that as a metaphor in terms of finding

our path in life and then obviously as

the tagline States write your own story

and that's kind of what I want people to

do I want people to find out who they

really are and Jenn is certainly an

example of that so what I'm gonna do is

jump straight into this episode because

you're gonna find it fascinating plus

you also get to hear a much better

accent than myself

okay so firstly I just want to welcome

Jen to the show and thank all the

listeners for tuning in today so how you

doing today Jen I'm pretty amazing yeah

I got a wake-up call from my buddy

Howard Hoffman at fresh green so he's

kind of like I think he's better than

Tony Robbins so everything's good oh wow

wow is that a working relationship yeah

yeah we do over more like friends

honestly we're probably like he's one of

the rare companies I'd say our only

company's a traction buddies yeah I'm a

big fan of him in the products yeah it's

cool fantastic okay um so I obviously

know a little bit about yourself where

friends over on Instagram that's kind of

where we had this conversation - perhaps

record this episode today I think it's

important for my listeners to obviously

get to know you a little bit so if you

wouldn't mind if you could just kind of

explain how you progress through life

and kind of ended up where you are today

mm-hmm okay I mines no I'm kidding okay

let me see well I do a lot of things I

wrote comedy last night for four and a

half hours so I'm in a few different

worlds that a lot of people would think

don't really make sense and the but but

to me if you're gonna live a full life

you need to be fit and healthy and you

can't have back pain I've had crazy

debilitating back pain you can't be so

tired you can't get out of bed and you

have to laugh and you have to feel good

and maybe you want to look good so what

I do now is I do hair and makeup that's

cool

I'm most important thing is my health

guidebook I'm a whole health guide book

for moods immunity energy and aesthetics

I'm going backwards by the way because

you know I think people kind of need to

know where I'm at to be like oh okay

and then reverse engineer yeah I like to

reverse engineer things that make sense

so there's a health guidebook so mousse

immunity and imaging and aesthetics

everything from immune disorders to

selling light in apps and fitness

training pretty straightforward but a

lot of different weird techniques and

yeah the comedy writing last name she

will be very absurd so yeah comedy and

health and beauty and fitness and acting

and modeling and some movies are coming

out so that's pretty much where I'm at

now unique and how did I get here um

I've always been in fitness my whole

life my grandparents were like

Prevention magazine before Prevention

magazine ever came out I was at their

dinner table saying what's the protein

so yeah that was always there and then

as far as being so passionate to help

people

I had debilitating back pain from

2010-2013 where I really couldn't take a

nine-to-five job because I didn't know

if I'd be able to walk so when you have

situations like that and chronic fatigue

you you know once you get over and you

learn what causes it and how to prevent

it and how to fix it for me at least I

want to I don't want anyone to go into

that situation so I'm very passionate

about sharing that message so I'd say

that kind of sums it up you know my

passion says yeah yeah okay that's

fantastic so there's a couple of things

I want to touch on there so you remind

me a little bit of myself and this was

one of the reasons that I I reached out

to you in relation to this episode

because similar to myself I'm doing so

many random things as well so I'm a

property investor I'm a podcaster I've

got a separate business doing personal

training then I've got this social

aspect to my life so I'm kind of doing

similar to yourself just kind of

enjoying myself through life and kind of

picking and choosing whatever I feel

like doing basically so that's always

interesting and also you just touched on

you this back pain that you've had and

obviously that going through that

situation is obviously giving you a kind

of purpose or suppose in terms of making

sure nobody else kind of feels that way

so if we could just touch on that a

little bit you mentioned was it 2011 you

said that like I mean I've had fatigue

since like middle school high school and

just not being literally like coming

home from Middle School in high school

just having to take naps and I had to

basically go from being an honor society

and in 12th grade just barely going to

school so I wouldn't want anyone to go

through that and I've had a lot of

fatigue and then the back pain was late

2010 to 2013 and that was pretty bad too

and I'm just looking at obviously your

Instagram profile now where you're in

great shape you're doing all this

fitness stuff have you found the

underlying cause for that was it some

sort of information was it anemic or

what was it yeah that's a good question

um my friend who just caught it would

you sell the back pay and I said no

because it took a million years I'm

dealing with quote if you saw me I'd be

quitting quotes up quote good doctors

and you're the best of the best and good

areas but they weren't helping me so

I've been failed by so many doctors and

experts in the fitness field the health

field nutrition field the back pain

field energy field that I really had to

just take bits and pieces from you know

either things that I'm pulling from the

collective consciousness or downloading

if you're into the spiritual realm and

take you face from books and really

piecing together my own plans so what

caused it is what I found basically you

take a piece of paper and you divide

into two side

the left side look at the left side is

things that cause back pain or cause

fatigue and then the right sinus things

that prevent it in alleviate I found all

these different things that can cause

and prevent it and that I know how to

fix it so Wow

yeah it's I will say that and when I

found the clients because I fixed back

pain would be fear alcohol crappy diets

can I say shitty like there's something

you can say what you okay

but I curse on you yep yeah are you sure

yeah yeah all I do is when the episode

comes out I just label it as explicit so

it's not a problem

Oh perfect let's do it explicit that I

don't eat character it's really stifling

alright cool so like shitty foods should

she know a crappy processed food like

pizza stuff like that causes information

fear over here yeah if you're not

stretching doing tightening contracting

workouts without stretching so like

there's a whole bunch of things but

those are some main ones

oh wow that's interesting so you also

mentioned they're you honest like

clients know who you're working with are

they able to access your services via

Instagram have you got anything for us

UK people over here because obviously

you across the shores over is it in New

York yeah so with Fitness I've done I've

done a few video trainings but I really

I really do think if you're gonna do

training you should have someone that

can physically touch you move you around

but I've had some clients request it so

I'm like alright whatever but um as far

as nutrition and that corresponds to the

back pain I do think you have to have

that nutrition because that's the fear

it's the lifestyle it's relationships

that's to me that's one affect your so

acid it's gonna affect your lower back

in my whole sacral area so yeah I do my

my health guide book that I do via video

so and then I send a copy of the book so

I'd have to literally just send it I

don't do it through an e-book I actually

give hardcopy books to everybody

excellent and the final thing I want to

touch on was a you mentioned comedy and

I've watched some of your videos on

Instagram as well so again it's just

another another unique thing about

yourself what got you into comedy I just

might be a my parents are really really

funny so I'm just that's just the way I

go through life aside aside from

last four months I dated someone who

produces literally produces like drama

all the stuff he does is like drama and

he pretty was found on my life so I was

like oh let's let's try this but no I I

like I like living in a comedy life I

like to wake up with jokes in my head

it's just it's just a nice way to go

through life it's a good high vibration

if you give you're into that

absolutely yeah so are you doing at your

stand-ups then in terms of what weed I

say from the UK we look on junglers or

some sort of comedy show you say okay

well a sketch sketch I do have a

stand-up written but I like I like

sketches I like to do characters

so that's what we did last night we're

gonna be doing I can't really tell you

because I'll ruin it but we're gonna do

some we'll probably some live events but

we'll do a Facebook live and it's gonna

be all these different characters

there's going to be a lot of Facebook

lives going down like in characters and

pranks fantastic well I'll make sure I

do is at the end of the show get your

details obviously we can put that for

the listeners and then obviously they

can smile and what's just there's more

videos yeah only two people laughing

those two people had a kind of smile on

their face absolutely absolutely I agree

okay so I'm a big big believer that we

are a result of the thoughts we tell

ourselves and the habits that we kind of

put ourselves through on a daily basis

myself in particular I have a specific

morning routine similar to yourself is

it's mainly around like health

well-being my mindset and everything

what kind of routine do you have on a

daily basis or is it kind of ad hoc and

you just kind of firefighting your way

through life because you do do a lot of

things yeah kind of switches so let's

say like next week weekend there's

someone from an over show that's gonna

we're gonna have to talk about the

sketch comedy show so that's gonna be

part of me that next one today to

today's you and today I'm gonna be

writing Facebook ads and I'm also going

to be meeting with the nutrition client

so today is one day I let myself wake up

late and I have wheatgrass and sprout so

I take wheatgrass I get deliveries from

you can get that by the way they deliver

I've actually had it before and it

doesn't taste too great but I did have

it for about

great this one's actually better because

the ones I would get in the store I

actually almost threw up

the last ones I had it so this one's

okay and then the sprout cubes like it

sprouts loose too I make them into cube

so I'm drinking sprout cubes and

wheatgrass cubes and fresh greens I have

my greens and the reason I do that is

one your alkaline there's so many

benefits to that there's so many

nutrients but also it potentiates it

really has a synergistic reaction and it

basically just makes your stimulants

more stimulating so I have coffee here

right now - and you're you're gonna feel

the effects of coffee more if you have

greens so that's that's pretty much how

I start the mornings as far as drinks go

in lemon water or ginger water in

turmeric water and then on Tuesdays I do

a lot of cocaine and then I have hookers

waking up so that's what use knees go ya

know a bit of abundance then yeah I

don't pay for it no I tell super by

right movement you know get the looks go

and get the blood flowing get a little

detox fasted cardio I try to do faster

cardio so if I can't get to the gym I

walk around my house in circles and I do

whatever I gotta do so that's kind of

what I did right before talking to you

so that's today Vernon excellent I've

actually just done my cardio just before

speaking to yourself as well because I

find it kind of clears my mind and it

just makes me a little bit more creative

I suppose I'm jealous

what's your momma with you my morning

routine I wake up in the morning and the

first thing I do is like a gratitude

journal and I'd have my day planned out

from the night before so I write my

gratitude journal and I do this really

weird thing so how a lot of people kind

of inspire themselves and want ovate

themselves with their dreams and all

this exciting stuff I kind of think of

like the most morbid nightmare that

could possibly think of I need something

Bad's gonna happen potentially to myself

or my family and what that kind of does

is it kind of fires me up and gets me

out of bed to really kind of seize the

day and not my - excuses yeah yeah I

know it sounds morbid but it's actually

quite motivational any no yeah I just

I use all my adversity and stuff like

through life just to kind of channel

that into your positive then the first

thing I do is go to the gym I try and

train fasted similar to what you were

saying earlier and then I'll come back

and I'll have breakfast with

the wife and then I'll crack on with my

work depending on what I'm doing in the

day and when I kind of hit a slump which

is normally like after lunchtime that's

where I just do a bit of cardio because

it lifts me back up and then I'm then I

I just kind of again I do look at my

goals I write my gratitude again like

second time in the day and I kind of

write like my five wins for the day

because I think sometimes we're so busy

and especially on social media when

you're comparing yourselves with other

people instead we forget the progress

that we've made in life as well so I

kind of use that to just reflect and

it's me just being more mindful of the

things I'm doing I suppose because I

think there was a big period in my life

where I was just on autopilot if that

kind of makes sense but I do try and

incorporate a lot of health foods so

stuff like chaga mushroom lion's mane

coffee that kind of like organic stuff

because I listen to the model house show

by Sean Stephenson and I do try and take

a lot of oh my god he's amazing yeah I

listen to all these stuff and any

anything he kind of recommends is where

I'll kind of go obviously in the UK it's

difficult to kind of get the stuff that

you guys have got over there so when I

went to New York recently I brought

myself some of that coffee obviously we

get wheatgrass and karela and spirulina

and all those kind of good things here

so do you try and put as many good

things into my body but I suffered a lot

with binge eating too many just about me

I kind of find that I have to for if I

fancy a biscuit or a chocolate I have to

have that then because otherwise I'll

suppress my feelings for seven days and

then I'll eat like 300 of them if that

makes right no it's holding if you have

my family is like eating themselves to

death so it's definitely I get it it's a

horrible condition isn't it because it

almost becomes a vicious cycle because

especially I mean I'm not sure when you

had it but when I did it what I would do

is I will train three times a day for

the next four days almost like torturing

myself and then yeah it's horrible then

you keep then you get to a point where

you're absolutely starving and then you

end up gorging againi in 10,000 calories

and you're thinking this can't be right

so for me it's kind of being practical

thinking what's sustainable and so I try

and get all the best foods I can in them

owning hard right train everything and

then if I fancy a treat like just before

our bun on the show with you I had a

couple of biscuits and I'm good I'm

happy so yeah right right but on the

binge eating um it is an addiction

actually I'm going to become a certified

peer recovery coach there's a training

for that I'm going to apply that with my

health counseling because I don't have I

do I did take some classes in addiction

but I want to take more and more formal

classes because what I'm finding is that

like my last client doesn't her name is

not listed so it's totally confidential

so confidential clients to the point

where people don't even know I do

nutrition but um a lot a lot of people

who have the binge eating

you know it's comorbid they're also had

maybe had a history of sex addiction or

alcohol or opiates it usually runs hands

in hands attempt it tends to at least

that's what I see and these people if

you can apply even if they don't have

the substance addictions I'm applying

the principles of addiction for many

different belief systems really helps it

really helps easing you know that's

fascinating so you till you're in the

process of becoming that coach now yeah

I'm going to I'm going to hopefully

hopefully it starts next week yeah did

like you haven't got enough things to be

doing right I know well you know is I

don't have kids

and I don't have a husband so that frees

up a lot of space where I can do a lot

of things a lot of people say you have

to pick one I said well if you don't

kids and you don't go to breakfast lunch

and dinner and you still have hangovers

anymore you can kind of do a lot of

stuff yeah good point

just I'm going off on a little tangent

here you mentioned at the beginning of

the show I think it was fresh coal and

you've mentioned all this nutritious

types of food that you're taking what

kind of brands do you recommend I'm just

thinking for the listeners who maybe

want to just make it a take on a bit of

advice and try something sure sure okay

long list I bounced around because this

is a thing even even if you know the

manufacturer and make highly research

things there might be substances in the

foods that they don't know about you

know it's just like with the world how

it is in the polluted waters so I like

to diversify a lot so with

I'll do fresh cooking's I would do fresh

greens for since 2010 and that I met the

owner and it was like I was already

taking this stuff for eight years I

found that on a podcast while in my

shower and then we became friends so

fresh greens for sure also on Puri

Imperium is a network marketing company

I don't sell it but I am a fan of their

green vibrance green affair um so I like

I really think it's good to bounce

around I do like the period

it's a beat what is it it is a

pre-workout and it's called can't beat

this before pre-workout pretty amazing

so they vasodilator of beet powder love

that beet powder as far as supplement

it's not really a supplement you buy but

you can do this yourself so I highly

recommend this you can do all this with

lemons turmeric ginger and sprout they

do is all for you just take sprouts

lemon turmeric ginger putting a black

they're all separate so the lemons are

just with water in a blender and then

blunt it turns into a pulp and then you

take the pulp and you put it into an ice

cube tray or many ice cube trays and

then you freeze it it becomes ice cubes

and then you take those ice cubes put it

in a bag so every time you have water

you can just take an ice cube and put it

in your water it's already prepared no

mess grilled yeah so that's the turmeric

and the ginger a big one and those are

natural it's not a company see I think a

lot a lot of these brands we don't

really get them in the UK which is why I

was quite envious because I listen to

Sean Stephenson quite regularly and he's

saying and talking about organifi and

all these crazy supplements that just

sound like they're amazing but then

obviously you go to the UK shopping

centres and it's pretty much basic stuff

yeah so yeah yeah it's very difficult

and I think they've started to do like

organic ranges now where you've got our

whole foods and stuff but everything's

so overpriced I'm just thinking for the

regular family well maybe maybe stuff

like you've just mentioned like ginger

tumeric

lemons which is relatively cheap food

that you can almost make some sort of

concoction yourself yeah just blend it

you can do it fresh but it makes a mess

it takes time and if you're really busy

just to go in your freezer and take the

ice cube and pop it in water it's so

easy yeah I'm not gonna grind sour

everyone

is that yeah of course okay fantastic so

we've spoken a little bit about your

life now obviously you're doing all this

weird and wonderful things I want to ask

you something a little bit suppose a

little bit personal and it might again

go back to that situation about your

back or it could be something completely

different I want to speak about

adversity and the reason I want to speak

about adversity is because I'm always

keen to see how people overcome their

adversity because I believe we're almost

faced with the choice when we go through

something difficult we either give up or

we continue moving forward and the whole

emphasis behind this show is to show

that the show must still go on so if I

could kind of ask you to maybe talk

about a time that you've been through

some level of adversity and how you

persevered through it and more

importantly what you learned from it

right right okay so I kind of had that a

few weeks ago breakups breakups will

kind of do that to you but I'm gonna go

up to the back pain I think that's the

best because that was a transformational

time my life I really changed so the

2010 Thanksgiving ish was the back pain

started setting in and when I say back

pain it's it's not just all my back

hurts there's a shooting pain that feels

like there's a needle being stabbed in

your back and it goes down to your feet

wrong so that happens to 50% of the time

from 2010 to 2013 in August and one day

I knew it was gone when I picked up my

juicer with one hand and I didn't feel

back pain I was like oh my god I can

pick a juicer up with one hand and I

don't feel back then and I started what

like jogging through me oh my god I can

tog and I was a trainer I remember I was

a trainer teaching workout classes and

that's when the back pain hit so that's

pretty scary when your full time job is

of cool teaching workout classes and you

can't walk across the room and I

wouldn't even drink water some days

because I couldn't get up to look across

the room to go to the bathroom that's

how bad it was so so um yeah it took a

long time you know 2010-2013 is a long

time but there's a lot of things that

happened I went to a handful of

different doctors that failed me and you

know that motivates me to help people

and put together a cohesive plan that

works that's why I'm passionate about

sharing myself because nobody not one

person

we'll help me unfortunately um switched

my friends around that was really

important I I wasn't um I wasn't an

alcoholic or anything but the lifestyle

in DC was you know it was very normal

like once a week so if you're if you

have a lot of friends and I had a few

people even call me a socialite which is

bizarre but okay so I guess I was pretty

social and teach you workout classes and

those two things don't mix don't ever if

there's any yeah

don't try to drink tequila at a pool

party and smoke pot and then teach at

work you know until God knows when and

go to the MTV real world house and then

try to teach a workout class at 6:30 in

the morning after teaching it quite a

5-man you're gonna die like something's

gonna happen to you that's what happened

I drove myself into the ground so yeah

so uh you know that the drinking I

almost completely quit I realize it's

just a poison for me it doesn't work my

half my family just can't drink alcohol

like our body is just like my function

so yeah it's so the alcohol is really

small the whole diet change the friends

that want to go out and drink and wear

high heels because I I can't really do

that with my with my back high heels are

four sheets in the bedroom you know

going out at night on Fridays and

Saturdays and living a normal life no so

I don't I have my fun in much different

ways now and those type of friends I

have or people want to create with me

you want to write comedy and sketches

and you know just do fun cool stuff like

this you can be healthy and you can be

kind of bad person you can curse and you

can do all kinds of fun stuff you don't

have to live a boring life to be healthy

you really don't

yeah I think that's a great point and I

think it's probably something that a lot

of people go through is especially

myself so when I first got into fitness

it was very difficult because similar to

yourself I was very sociable and I was

always going out for drinks on a Friday

Saturday and it's kind of like an Indian

culture here where you just kind of just

go to the pub on a Friday Saturday and

get absolutely wasted and then hungover

the next day you're eating kebabs and

fast food and then back on it again and

initially when I started especially my

entrepreneurial journey because it's

completely different to a nine-to-five

in terms of you're working more hours so

that lag and that hangover especially

while trying to keep in shape as well

was so diff

when you have in these two or three days

I just continuously going over and then

I almost had to kind of pull myself back

as well from that social circle and

initially it was difficult because I

still found myself coming back but then

like you said I've now got people in my

circle who we can just grab for a meal a

nice healthy meal and stuff like sleep

and stuff I really especially again I

mentioned him again Shaun's demon said I

prioritize my sleep just as much as

everything else that my hearth um and

nutrition so I make sure I'm in bed by a

certain time in order to carry on with

the day and like you said do all the fun

stuff because life for me right now I

probably don't drink how I used to drink

but I'm having just as much fun so it's

yeah it's about reevaluating I suppose

as you go through life priorities change

yeah I mean I gotta say that I mean

today has kind of just started for me I

woke up late but today is I say one of

the best days of my life and necessary

ghosts are the most fun days and there

is no alcohol and there is not staying

up too late but um you know at first I

think it first released for me it was a

little devastating because all my

friends not all of them but the friends

I used to party with for life it looked

like Maxim models they're gorgeous girls

and they were these heels and they could

literally be on a magazine and we go out

at night and 8iv many sneakers I don't

care I had to but it's like you can't I

literally couldn't do the things that my

friends wanted me to do like couldn't

walk and I couldn't be athlete that all

the behaviors of the Fiat Li wearing

high heels you can't help normally all

ruin my back so I had to kind of just

disappear yeah of course for your own

well-being I suppose

yeah and it's better it's just much

better I mean there's a whole bunch of

people that are doing I'm actually gonna

make a list and I can share with you I

make a list of all these things you can

do instead of going out to dinner

breakfast lunch and drinks and there's

so much actually that would be fantastic

if you have got something like that what

can actually put it in the show notes as

well yes so then people that would

obviously give the list of some value as

well thank you I appreciate that

well there'll be a valuable list because

a lot of people don't know what to do

when people ask them to do these things

and then they do it and they feel like

shit and then they're like well this

life is slice Lots it's like they'll

just create anyway yeah absolutely I

think that's a great point that is

because I suppose one of my excuses

actually at that time was are there's

nothing else to do you know it's a

Friday there's nothing

to really do but I think that list will

certainly help people thank you for that

yeah yeah I'm gonna do that and have the

77 they're just absolutely sublime

brilliant fantastic okay so my next

question it's about fear so you're a

very very happy bubbly person who loves

the laugh but what kind of scares you is

there anything that scares you in terms

of everything everything Wow okay bye

that person like hey I think you might

see my Instagram because you can see

watches your stories but I recently

became with on a comical level I'm

obsessed with and then on a comical

level I'm into it like 80% but on a 20%

level I'm really into it because I

believe in it the show doomsday preppers

so like home invasions and security and

looting and the government going or

whatever in the water levels rising like

these are some things that go through my

head all the time right okay

you know in a healthy way because I did

in our environmental event a couple

months ago and there are there is all

this research that shows that in Long

Island there's going to be I think it's

a hundred thousand people that will have

to relocate because there's they're

going to have flooding in their homes

like there are real things going on so

things like that worry me and then

homelessness has always been on my mind

I've never gotten close to it but I

think about it all the time which is

weird I don't think it's weird I just

think I think it's different I think the

fact that you're thinking about

something like that maybe with like

empathy or something is it shows your

your nature in terms of I assume when

you think about it obviously upsets you

and you think that's not right I'm just

trying to figure out why something so

external that's in terms of

probabilities probably not going to

affect you while you're letting that

kind of consuming because it is an

external factor

I suppose consume me but it's something

that like it's just something that you

know I'm not driven by fear but it's

definitely something I think of like for

example I used to give my dad a lot of

shit and you would always have two cars

and what are you gonna do you're gonna

you're gonna ghost ride the whip you're

gonna have one foot on one car one on

the other and sometimes you talk about

saving money and I'd be like what are

you doing just get rid of one car so I

so by psychic and this is really bizarre

but she's looking good you're gonna be

really successful and all this stuff and

blah blah blah you know by the time

you're 40 and you're not gonna have to

watch your money but you're gonna be

very preneur yes because and you're

gonna save money you're not gonna waste

money I was like yeah because I always

think you know what if it's that $7000

1000 dollar purchase and that's why I'm

homeless

yeah right okay yeah absolutely that's

it that's a different way of thinking

I've never really thought like that

yeah weird no no it's not weird at all

it's just it's unique

so clairvoyance I just want to touch on

that as I see do you believe in

clairvoyance oh yeah I do I do I don't

think that I definitely think there was

a lot of BS out there and we're more BS

and there is truthfulness but I'll give

you let's see I'll give you this example

my first my first situation someone came

to my house in my apartment in college

right after college and we had gone to

the University of Maryland and partying

our freshman year with like older people

and it was crazy and she goes she goes

she walks in and I'm smoking a hookah

and my diagram my living room table and

I'm not really paying attention she goes

Jaden do you remember my friend Holly

and I just look up and I go he died like

that was my reflex reaction I didn't

follow him on Facebook I don't have any

friends in common we're at the same

university and she just is like what the

hell he died I just knew so I've had a

lot of situations like that where I just

know things it comes out of my mouth so

something's going on yeah yeah

I don't I don't want to scare off my

listeners I know yeah but I believe in

it as well

and actually did a course for a very

short amount of time I did it with my

mom actually and just to kind of

understand what goes on behind the

scenes of it yeah and yeah it was

interesting not that I saw anything or

anything but he kind of explained how

psychics say what they say ie they get

images and stuff and then it's kind of

like about interpretation how you

interpret what you're being told and

actually there was a lady close to me

and I actually I've probably been to

about ten times in my life and some of

the stuff she's told me stuff that you

can't guess you know it's not stuff like

oh you're gonna have someone die of a

heart

or something very generic it's it's

almost like your great granddad died

because he had an infection in his left

toe and that killed him and then I've

gone home and I've asked my dad and I'm

like wow how is that just happened so

yeah it is some freaky stuff that you

kind of think why there is something out

there but like you said there's probably

a lot more fake people out there which

was I suppose suppose the narrative

really but yet I got stories on stories

from the same psychic who didn't know my

dad at the time and he didn't know his

current girlfriend of like 10 or 12

years they both saw the same psychic and

they described that they would meet each

other at the brick wall behind them and

the whole place and how it would happen

and it happened that I mean that's one

of them is crazy so yeah and I actually

use it with clients I actually I've

taken a few psychic development courses

just because I used to really be

negative about it I used to kind of like

be really mean to my mom because my mom

used to be able to crystals and I was

like listen does it make sense you're

being crazy

the only way to knock something is to

fully immerse yourself in to learn about

it so I was like you know what I'm so

mean about this stuff I'm so negative

my name's like let's just take some

psychic classes in 2014 I met some guy

at a grocery store and he's like

literally throwing business cards at me

so I was like alright let's try it and I

actually um i i've known with every

single client 100% if they're a binge

eater if they're lonely there's certain

things i just know fine yeah that's

fascinating you have to keep me updated

in relation to your journey because who

knows how much they'll take you some

more courses as well myself i think you

know it's just good to know like if

you're in real estate or if you're in

the entertainment business like i I know

pretty much right away now like if I

should deal with this first right not

just you know it's not even psychic you

could even just call it intuition or

just reading people really well whatever

you want to call it it's just really

nice to be able to walk into a room and

wygor having to deal with all these new

people you know as an actress and be

like you know and they gonna that you

know is it should I go to this audition

are they gonna steal my organs and they

get a kidnapped into versus a real

audition and it is a real audition is

this something that I should do so you

got a feel out so much and all these

industries in real estate - you know

that's where's your time just playing

devil's advocate there do you not feel

those sometimes and this is

the response I get from my wife or

somebody is that when somebody tells you

something you almost start acting more

towards that kind of path if that makes

sense so are times where somebody said

are you gonna purchase this or you're

gonna do this and then maybe

subconsciously it's gone into my head

somewhere I mean I don't try and do it

knowingly but you feel that maybe that

kind of and you can't rule that out

yeah I will tell you writing a book is a

lot of sacrifice you know it takes hours

and hours and I've been writing this

since 2010 it's a hundred thirty-five

pages but I've had at least eight if not

20 different psychics who don't know

each other all over the world tell me

that I'm going to be like a global

healer and help people la ville Bluff so

when you have all these people tell you

things it helps because if for me to

write a book and then think you know

what this is a piece of garbage no one's

gonna care but when all these people who

are you know winning awards would be

collecting so they're all telling me

you're gonna change the world and help

all these people it helps it helps me to

go reaffirms it right yeah me too as

well how more podcast is up okay yeah

what helped a lot of people ten thousand

people before I die that's what I

decided oh you do more than that you do

like definitely definitely

okay so you've actually kind of answered

my next question which was about

motivation and I'm assuming your biggest

motivation is probably to help other

people

yeah to help people to be out of pain

and help the people who are struggling

to get out of struggle and to help

others who are pretty much doing well to

be more alphonse really super win that's

a major main goal of mine I love that I

love that tough one as well on the way

yeah you you gotta have fun you gotta

have the vibration for fun actually

you know the vibration of fun is gonna

help you to succeed more absolutely so

what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna put you

through the paces now having heard the

buzzer go off so we're gonna go in three

two one

what did you eat for breakfast we're

spells coffee gold lemon juice the

ability to fly or be invisible invisible

money your fame money your idea job what

I'm doing right now

your proudest moment mmm writing last

night's comedy your favorite food man no

I'm just kidding I know yeah I love so

many things I don't have a favorite I

don't know Netflix our YouTube mmm shoot

you YouTube's getting better networks

right now your number one goal this year

put out at least 20 hilarious comedy

videos and to get my book to at least at

least 30 more people minimum if not 100

tea or coffee coffee your favorite sport

all racket sports where it's tennis

racquetball ping-pong if you could sit

with one person in the world for an hour

who would it be

oh shoot god I'm my dad in second Andy

Milonakis

okay why is your biggest addiction food

summer or winter summer your favorite

place in the whole wide world my home

lately would you rather speak all

languages will be able to speak to

animals animals if you could abolish one

thing in the world what would it be pain

in every single form your favorite song

ever Oh God

okay we're gonna go with what I listened

to yesterday which is not the truth but

it's captain and it's Ricky Ricardo and

the final question is read minds or

predict the future

Finnick the future fantastic it's weird

that the last question was actually in

relation to the stuff we were quite

talking about that's strange

okay fantastic so we're almost at the

end of the show now just got a couple of

more questions I just want to ask you so

I'm a firm believer in hindsight being a

wonderful thing obviously we can learn a

lot from our lessons we can learn ways

to get to where we want to get to

quicker easier or with less heartache

but I'm also a very firm believer that

the journey that we go through teaches

us a hell of a lot so knowing what you

know now if you could take yourself back

to a young agent and maybe whisper

something in her ear when she was going

through some level of adversity even if

we look at 2011 for example what would

you say don't deal with true gas pitcher

yeah basically I mean that it sounds so

stupid but basically in who and that's

not you know at your level or basically

related to the goals at hand and purpose

just don't deal with them I love that I

think that sound advice that's pretty ok

fantastic so that brings us to the last

question and the last question I always

ask all of my guests is if in 150 years

time we are no longer here and all that

exists is a book and this book is about

you

it's about Jen it's about her whole life

everything she's accomplished or the

weird and wonderful things that she's

done firstly what would the title of

that book be and secondly what would the

blurb at the back of it tell us about

Jen oh man well first I'll just have to

interject and say that I would hope that

my how-to guide book would be much more

prolific and well-known than a book

about me because that will help more

people but um that being said to answer

your question um the title of the book

maybe you read this fuck off or the life

which energy and then the eggs blurb

would probably be how to live the life

the life of the life without pain the

life with laughter good all by having

fun in health and having that that draw

the viewer you know yeah yeah absolutely

it's a terrible summary that's not her

thing don't don't destroy it I'm sure we

can obviously work on it when it comes

out but yeah no that's fine absolutely I

think I think that's it that's a good

point you've said it a few times in this

episode is about the fun bit and one of

the things I've always preached in like

especially in health and fitness so I

always say it takes hard work and I say

you need to be consistent with whatever

you're doing but my other two things are

always about sustainability and

enjoyment that's kind of my four pillars

that I always kind of practice I suppose

so it's just interesting obviously

someone else who's in the kind of health

and fitness space as well that you also

say you know you need to be happy and

you need to enjoy it basically as well

because I feel like we're kind of

missing that element in there yeah in

the health effects especially yeah I

would like to add to it though I mean I

live to NTC my own

for ten years away from my mom my dad

and my mom definitely has told me no

have fun but my dad more so you know I

am very critical even though I like to

act goofy and be stupid you know and

just played them

I am very critical I can walk into room

and I'm an artist I was art studio art

minor in college I can see every single

thing that I consider to be a flaw and a

person in a home and I and how to fix it

this is just how my mind works so you

know as I the reason why I'm like this

is my dad would always you know

influence and try to be like you gotta

have fun he'll ask me you know I'm like

I did this and I got an A or you know I

help this client or a bubble blind you

go well did you have fun did you have a

fire mmm it's a brilliant question to

ask isn't it

it's and he's one of the most important

ones as well yeah it's so important so

I'm glad that you know he said he would

remind me because I can be I can get

very serious actually mm-hmm

I think the whole world can't to be

honest and I think I'm not sure what

it's like over in the in the States but

if you if you pay a lot of attention to

the media and the the television and

your newspapers here it's very very easy

to kind of become depressed and just

think bad thoughts all the time because

it's just so much negativity being post

passed around and you're almost just

hearing like bad stories all the time

yet there's so much light in the world

as well and so much wonderful things

that I think need to be expressed a lot

more so it's refreshing that you had

that attitude as well

and I think I think the world would just

benefit more from that so thank you

sharing that I appreciate it before we

go Jen I just want to give you a chance

just to obviously for the listeners let

us know where we can contact you and

obviously are poor or they're the finer

details into the show notes as well yeah

I don't contact me I like my piece um no

no I I like people

oh the good ones the good ones so we

have two instagrams at the life with

generally we have at Jen Elise we have

my website which just got hacked the

life with Jenner ChiCom Facebook Jen

Elise

feldy there's Tumblr and Twitter and the

Twitter is life with Jenner G yeah

that's good and in relation to your

publication yeah I'm gonna have

bits of things on Instagram and Facebook

like if you go to my facebook profile

photos of Congress on there's a lot of

like the major productions like there's

five movies coming up and the next few

months so they're gonna be like you kind

of go through that you'll kind of see

what's going on but I also do have like

a resume four people are in the

entertainment business on backstage comm

and I have like a seven page whole thing

with links and YouTube so you could just

be like okay just what what's going on

like can we just have it in one sheet so

it actually lists everything I'm up to

and it you know goes through voiceover

and health counseling and hosting and

it's totally organize and categorize

fantastic okay excellent so I'll make

sure I put those all in the show notes

thank you for your time today and for

everyone else at home thanks for

listening thank you as us and remember

this podcast is absolutely free so all

we ask in return is for you to share

this with a friend and drop us a 5 star

review over on iTunes have an awesome

day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to conquer your fear and depression. An atheletes mindset. #15

Mon, 01 Apr 2019 04:55:29 GMT

Find your voice - Episode 15 - "My Way" - Raj Sallan #15

Tagline: "The only person that should be proud of you, is yourself"

Raj Sallan was the Fresh Prince, before he got shipped off to Bel-Air. His parents swiftly realised he was going to end up going down the wrong path if he stayed in Germany, he was sent to Birmingham, UK where he was forced to learn another language, way of life and develop his own mindset. Having had to learn his 3rd language, Raj utilised martial arts, kick-boxing and boxing to channel his mind and found a passion that would see him travelling the world and proving all his doubters wrong.

Raj explains that your mindset starts from the moment you wake up. He strengthened his perspective and mindset to help him handle not living with his parents for the majority of his childhood, learning English and fighting professionally in combat sports. Realising that nothing is impossible Raj has overcome his own levels of depression, loneliness and now spends his hours helping world-class fighters, girls and boys of all ages in becoming fit and finding their own confidence.

A genuinely loving guy, whose energy is infectious. He explains his daily rituals that have helped him earn a favourable reputation in the fight game, but also as a genuinely humble human being.

A story of adversity, with no excuses and an individual who found his voice and continues to write his own story.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Links to guest:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rajesh.sallan (Personal)

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/only1rajeshsallan/

Have an awesome day #JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren do what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aren and as always I am the

host of the show so as you sit here now

listening to this podcast I just want to

ask you a quick question now obviously

it's rhetorical

because I can't hear your answer but how

many times in the last week have you

thought about something negative have

you complained when it really wasn't

that bad

have you mould about how little progress

you've made rather than actually commend

yourself for how far you've came my

guess is probably more than you wish to

admit and that's absolutely fine listen

we've all been there but what I find

remarkable about this episode that

you're gonna hear is I guarantee 100% if

you listen to this all the way through

your perception and your mindset will

benefit you will change it you will

start to feel I'll say silly for morning

about the silly things that we often

moan about because this individual has

not only had to learn English as his

third language

he was uplifted as a ten-year-old from

his parents to live in a foreign country

where everything was alien to him and

the only thing he really knew how to

control was his mind and his hands and

his feet and with that he tells a

wonderful story so without further ado

I'm gonna get this interview on the way

so firstly I just wanna walk on right to

the show and thank you for taking time

out of your day to come and have this

interview myself how you doing today I'm

fine right it's just doing well good

good the UK where they're glad to hear

it so I think it's important for the

listeners to understand a little bit

yourself now I've heard about you my

wife's told me about you you know wanted

you on Instagram for some time now so if

you could kind of give the listeners

basically a history of how you've came

about to where you are today

well basically am I was born in Germany

1988 in Frankfurt and grew up in a rough

estate area basically it was there was

no Indians back then it was just if you

name it just like Turks albanian

different all different cultures but no

Indians no Asians my family was the kind

of the first Indian community around

there my uncle and everyone and growing

one went school there stayed there -

lost ten the time there was no people

probably asking what are you doing here

yeah yeah it's just growing up in this

state area it was a rough and tough you

know being through fucking some hard

time and the other day and seeing my

parents there being there and as an

Indian people you know how did German

they say it's not it's not a racist

country but they won't put everyone in

one the cultural people would want in

one area so where this day so this is

their area it was a being a bad kid I

was like a as poor really but the other

yeah okay so I'm getting into naughty

stuff at a young age theft

not going school just no he just being

wrong basically doing the wrong things

that I do you know upsetting my parents

they wasn't happy they wanted a better

life for me so come to a stage where

they decided to send me here because my

mom's side everyone's here my uncle's my

cousins so they had a decision to make

which probably was the biggest decision

in their life so they decided to send me

here to have a better life and today

that's where I stand is here and I'm

being threw me through quite a bit you

know from being alone software

depression this is probably most of the

family members they don't even know

themselves so when they hear this they

probably think we didn't know this but

I've never come up out of it really I've

never told anyone about it because I

like to keep things sometimes myself and

[Music]

I've always always had that little thing

where you know when I was young come on

my own and basically crying by myself

and I was a kid when I come here cuz I

missed my parents because the hardest

thing in my life was probably was going

to that Airport and looking back and see

my mom and I'd cry maybe one else that's

a hard thing yeah it's a mental thing

and that's a ten year old I don't know

where I'm going I don't know what's

happening yeah what's going so you were

ten when you came over I was 10 years

old and was jamming your first language

but job dream dance from Indiana okay

some may not be fast champion easily

should I didn't know I didn't have a

clear barrage you know nothing English

from the age of 10 10 yes fantastic and

then it was just hard time it's just

hard that moment was very hard ten years

old you wouldn't know you took back and

why do you crying like we think he might

have great for holiday of his back of

course I know what they said that you

know going then the plan was to give it

a go see how it goes that's what my own

custom a moment which was good and then

it was hard that day I remember sitting

on the plane at ten years old amount and

it's going to another country to start a

new life and things started and use the

good is better for me basically because

the way I grew up in Germany there was

only one way in a prison gangs or dead

awesome other than something I didn't

want to disappoint my parents because

one thing in my life that could never do

is disappoint them they mean the world

to me and yeah another indeed appear now

in school world screed

come in years six or years five years

almost ten years old I didn't know no

English no English at all basically I

did not think I was that good fresh off

the boat but yeah and had to go through

lot of stuff as a kid because knowing

not know English

making friends was hard but it was just

very difficult to be fair and the way I

just gone through it I cried as a kid I

remember going home walking from school

I had no friends and this is when I

first come over and

that long road in hands of going home

and crying and just being upset missing

my parents 10 year old kid would course

Yong Yong you don't know you know you

don't know how you feel and it's just

very different unexplainable to people

that unless they've been through

themselves they know I feels and it was

hard there's hard times and then slowly

slowly things started changing for me

you know I just started getting thinking

in my head don't one thing I always said

to myself in life is that it's all about

you know your brief you got two arms two

legs

you're not worse than others know

there's people out there in lifestyle

going through lot worse than yourself so

I always that's one thing one of them

second is that the only place that's

gonna believe and use yourself you can't

believe in yourself

and having faith in yourself then you

know I strongly believe that you know

people believe in like North of

Attraction the universe I think

personally you are your universe you are

what you think in it you become what you

think so absolutely things change for me

you know if I didn't have if I didn't

want to become like my parents or

everything I took a lot of criticism in

life as well like you can't do this my

parents up to because they sent me yeah

as if our Asian families are they'll put

you they'll put a lot of people down

they like to say oh he ain't gonna do

nothing course of course being in a

making oh why you sent him there for my

parents after he all that then it was

like a it was me against the people as

one to prove them wrong that you know

what I'm fuckin of made it yeah you know

I am Who I am I'm a good person

I've not turned that wrong a lot of

people expected me to come here and take

advantage oh yeah and film become a

druggie junkie do whatever can you know

make most of it because my parents in

here but um you know you know plenty of

friends we just forget just before this

interview as well I've been mutual

friends we've got as well yeah

definitely is so I think that's

interesting what you've touched from it

you said a couple of things that I've

just made notes of so one is you become

what you think and believe in yourself

this is something that I know is a very

date hero you have to say affirmations

and implant that in my head now and I

think indirectly because you've been put

in that situation you have to develop

that yourself and

giving you some strengths although you

might not have seen it as a strength

then it's brought you into the person

that you are now which I think it's

fantastic because and a lot of people

listening to this probably had a lot

more shout class yeah whereas you were

by yourself and you thinking buddy got

these two hands and legs

yeah and just speaking on those two

kinds of legs now yeah that you knew you

had you've done incredible things with

those yeah which I just wanted to tell

the audience as well it all started with

a fire school basically okay

when I was in Germany I was a bit of a

tempered kid you know it's but I still

gave too loud so when I come here I was

it - I got into a few fights and this is

my first the first few month for you

already

and my uncle goes to meet my mom's

brother he goes you know you got

suspended from school you just come over

here in basically Punjabi because I

couldn't speak English course and so

from there he started and there he goes

well I'm gonna send you to kickboxing

gym and I go ah they don't give me a

coke it's nothing they asked or just

yeah by then I made friends

I put friends by them you know people

that were around me and school friends

and I took one friend with me and said

let's give me a coke see what's about

yeah and who wants me to go okay and

walked into the gym and then from there

never looked back cuz just suddenly I

found a talent I wasn't good mmm yes so

it wasn't actually beating people up but

it's something I had in me and I used

that a lot if it wasn't for that I think

that sports and combat sport fighting

and all that helped me in a way my using

my hands and feet my mentally if it made

me better and it was more energy changed

everything like if I was upset at home

or if I was feeling down

oh go to gym no I'll use that a lot and

then that just made me who I am

from there he just kick-started amateur

fights I went to turn pro in Thai boxing

I had laws of numerous fight all over

the place over India to fight at a pro

MMA fight for winning age and over 20

pro kickboxing fights

it's incredible a mature buck cells as

well as boxing for Saint Francis in

Birmingham

fantastic yes or other good chance I was

even told to stick to boxing and one way

is that gonna be pro in that but I just

love kicking okay yeah so that's where

you all started my hands or feet and

they kicked off then I think that's

where I I saw your Instagram stuff Nick

initially because I know my wife Tommy

love about you because you went to the

same school and she said it's really

inspiring you've come from completely

different country and you found your way

in life and I remember going to be spoke

about this just before the podcast going

to ask them University yeah which is

what ten miles from my house can get

there in 15 minutes yeah and I was

homesick

so Monday to Thursday by the time

Thursday comes I couldn't wait to get

home on a Friday so I can only imagine

what it's like for a ten-year-old kid to

kind of have to do that but I don't now

we've spoken obviously before this you

go home a lot now and you visit in

Germany quite yeah I spend much time

with my family I can I personally think

that nowadays degeneration now they

forget their parents and they forget

about the old alumni like I spend a lot

of time my parents because the

difference with me is that I've not

actually I've lost a lot of time with

the growing of pianos and not being with

them so be going back and then every

time so anytime that means the world to

me now first thing you couldn't you know

a man if you don't spend time I agree

and I'm sure they're very proud of how

far you've come now they are yeah they

are very very proud but the most

important thing is my dad always tells

me is the only place that should be

proud this are you proud you have people

like that that's what matters

personally I'm proud of myself that's a

pretty messy that's the best thing to

you now look that message as well and

that's something that I try and get

through this podcast as well is that

yeah the way we look at ourselves in our

self-worth and stuff like it's the most

important thing yet cuz it's nice

getting plaudits from the person next

door or somebody across the road but

until you start looking yourself and

believing in yourself I'll do something

like this is something I don't are many

Byrne I wake up in the morning and speak

to myself let me read it and there's a

reason why I do it because then I went

to see someone about three years ago

mm-hmm

and he helped me the way to think and

why how to change negativity into

positively I don't you feel great about

yourself so he said do something like

talk to yourself yeah but he actually

works so I realized that your mindset

starts from the time you wake up you

know when you say your feet touch the

floor yeah that is when your mind starts

working and whatever you think what

thought you wake up with so if you wake

up negative your day is going to be

negative if you wake up positive you're

positive so walk to the mirror and I got

this little white top where I just say I

am positive I am rich I am blessed I am

my own God I am this and that so and I

talk to myself yeah and then I said to

her I'm gonna have a great day today

do that and it helps me yeah that's

something that really helps me I know

some people might thinking wow that's

that but that is something like I can

really really help someone it's a mental

thing and this is like a you mentally

getting stronger and your mind you

you're basically transforming your mind

set you straight positive team and

you're looking forward to the day then

it can rain out there because no even

when I'm finished knowing and it's shit

whether I'll say it's a toy don't stop

me doing the finger prize of course it's

the mindset how people yeah and I know a

lot of people that wake up in the

morning say example one day I hate

mondays absolute that's the first

negative word that you say to yourself I

hate why do you hate go and do what you

had to do come home make a plan yeah

think coffee I love that so it's one of

them things I think as you were saying I

just opened up my diary so I have every

morning five thoughts and it's similar

to yourself I am powerful I understand

my own bothy

I am perfect every single morning best

thing and it's only something I've been

doing recently as well but it's so

important like what we feed am I here so

you're an athlete you know what it's

important to feed your body physically

strong but if this is weak that knows

everything there's no point of it's not

point being you know I mean the best

body but if you're my name right it's

the same with the fight game you can be

very good in the gym you can be

you can be whatever but if your mindsets

wrong and you my name in the fight

mm-hmm

you must say you lost the fight yeah

because it's not there lost it before it

started yeah but a lot of people don't

realize that so my mind is a powerful

thing I don't think people realize it I

think you're right there I think it's

becoming a bit more and this is probably

because I look into that fear you've got

a lot of mindset coach and a lot of

people talking about it but when I hear

it from someone like yourself who's put

it into practice in an arena and done it

on an international stage I find it a

lot more authentic and real so I'm glad

you said that and it was actually the

one of the next questions I was gonna

ask you was about your routine and so I

love athletes and if I could if I could

have a separate podcast in this they've

been just interviewing athletes because

I think it takes a certain type of

person to get to the top to stay at the

top to have that mindset because it

isn't like you said it ain't all about

your physical attributes you'll be the

hardest hit but if you aim right here

yeah

and somebody's got more clued on there

they're gonna have perform you throw it

main rhythm as an example indefinitely

so what I want to ask you is this was my

next question what do you do until the

time you go to sleep so obviously you

all can have you spoken to yourself in

the mirror now yeah what are their kind

of rituals or habits do you do in the

day often saying I can go back to when I

was fighting yeah yeah what I used to do

was we stay twice a day or three times

pushing it depending coming to a fight

waking up in a pony go for a jog I'm

just going back when I was at school my

uncle used to wet this secondary school

and I was competing then amateur level

and I was doing then I'd turn pro and I

mean my uncle waking you used to come

from a nightshift 4:00 in the morning

before I go school is to make me go for

a jog go for a run so the technologies

you hear I was 14 to 16 this was and the

dedication was built in me already you

know having that warrior mentality and

that listen you gotta train hard

maintaining one way to so what we used

to do is train three times a day say max

and diet so when you wake up in the

morning you run check your weight come

home eat you gotta watch my eat as well

you have a nutritionist watching what

you eat if you don't have a nutrition

you some people do it themselves which

is good as well so my daily routine is

Bella and especially

all days was going school all day watch

ye at school wow this is the time when

no one hardly knew realized I was in

year eight nine I was just my name was

just coming out and not people knew the

house no one knew that I was doing it

only later on people found that coming

from school finish school come home grab

my bag

don't do no homework come on felt like

training back there go straight to the

gym to our session and then back home

eat food go bed then after that when I

left school it was the only thing that

changed was there was no school time so

that's when three times a day training

started just running in the morning

training from different things like

strength speed and sparring session pad

work different sessions and needs to be

three times a day eating right and he

days used to just go basically and then

I'm coming home in the evening afternoon

chilling with the family and then in the

evening if you feel good you go for

mother jog and this is when it comes to

an eight week camp fight camp your aim

is to get fit get mentally strong and

get your weight down as well depending

on what weight division you find that

and then they just carried on like that

I've done that for a good 15 years to be

fair her

I've been training since I was 10 still

do it now but I'm fond of fighting fit

and fighting professionally I stopped at

25 my last fight was 24 when I was in

India a fourth road and times change but

I still keep the same similar routine I

still go for a jog here in l a-- wake-up

call for one you know in the morning and

I love going running in the morning at 4

or 5 I love that I love that it's the

fresh a door full run go work and

especially with my job now you know we

do shift work so I work everything

around it and the only thing that keeps

me going is my mind basically your body

can get old as much as they want but if

your mind is strong can control your

mind and yeah and the funny thing is

it's your mind that tells you're tired

even before your body is as well yeah

and that's something we definitely kind

of battle with yeah I looked at and I

just sort of touch on that so you've

done this for like 15 years I had a very

very short period and this is kind of

like something that I celebrate where I

train like an athlete as a knight I

got myself under an Olympic coach near

boxing what I was doing with those

copying national champions so when they

were training free time today I was

doing the same yeah because I knew I got

into the game late and I really wanted

to go on a floors so I was training and

I was copying them I was eating the

right stuff and I couldn't understand

what you're saying there I'm not sure if

the listeners will get this but there is

a point where your body and your mind

are in sync that you do stuff that you

think shit how we're doing this because

you're training so would you do so much

and the reason I say that is because now

I'll go to the gym and people normally

is not comparison trained or whatever

but the intensity that I had for those

two years is 10 times more than now what

I can't do is bring that intensity back

here so now when I go to the gym the mom

I'm tired up I don't know I just kind of

think okay let's got that Communists

abuse away and I wish I could transform

those two years of a true athletes

mindset into now are you able to still

do that now so you know how you would

train that 25 can you bring that a

little bit back or is it a matter of

when you're not competing it's difficult

to do I know exactly it doesn't make

sense yeah I don't make sense to do

right there especially the copying part

mmm that's exactly why I used to do

because watching people like the running

I got from sue my uncle told me run in

the mornings and everyone that fight her

mentality and I just watch people like

Tyson and knowing the jog in the morning

and he watched these videos okay and

that's the copying part like just

thought you said yourself you copy it

and do it but that's the only way to

these people are there it's by of course

you learn from them so that's why it

like Mayweather says you know what my

opponent sleep 2 a.m. in the morning I'm

going for it says it's a very good copy

it's not a bad thing it's doing

something that they're doing and then it

works on you but going to transforming

it if I wanted to do that now and

everything I could like I said it's a

sit my head I knew boys the older you

get or do you believe as well

laziness kicks in you know and

responsibilities change appear you know

you have a lot more other things to do

you know work people get you know

relationships and everything just

changes but in your head you got a you

have like a notebook and you write

everything down

today I'm gonna do this tomorrow I'm do

this you know you can write a routine

down and it still can be done it's don't

coming there's nothing impossible in

library people told me I could never

speak English

I've never got to speak English or a

school I get picked on here a day not as

in you know just not picked on but just

laughing you know he can't speak English

oh my cousin's would say oh and I think

you know what I realize now nothing is

impossible even when I was going through

the depression point no I'm sad I just

upset cry

I never should tell my family no one

used to know I should be on my own ice

like be a man just cry and miss my

parents but then while Walter went along

and I got older I realized that you know

what nothing's impossible I could do

anything or what you know what

um these people were standing out there

what am i crying about what is wrong

with me

you know I mean I can do this dusty and

today I'm here nothing today right now

I'm probably in the most longest mindset

I just believe in myself that I'm alive

they feel the good energy yeah and this

good energy but Zampa when you pass

positive energy got me excited here

before we started this you can see how

happy I'll wait that's the best thing to

do is the vibrations between two people

and it's a straightaway you send it to

them and you want to spend time with

people like that

that's it girl one thing I have to do is

the certain people didn't say family or

friends who all they do is negative

negative negative and when it's your

family and friends you can't always cut

them out yeah so after do is limit my

conversations with them or if I'm in

there if I'm in their proximity is

literally like how you doing and then I

walk away because I don't want that you

know what all of these kind of

relationships and this is where I'm

complaining nowadays in life and on the

grand scheme of things and people have

interviewed on this and including

yourself their problems that you know

the trivial the minor compared to what

you guys have been through nobody's been

lifted from their parents do you have to

learn a third language to that you don't

be fired in and they're not

understanding what people are saying

about them to then having to develop

their own - such a young age where I'm

here now as a 30 year old still trying

to develop my

and I'm seeing people who I'm actually

working with now who you are older than

me still trying to develop their Mon so

I think it's you should be very proud

for this yeah I think it's commendable

that you've been able to do that yeah

especially it's true you don't think I

agree with that exam it's that fucking

that did you do so you can't give a fuck

about anything fuck what people think

fuck what anyone thinks really and do

what you make sure you have people yeah

if you work on yourself you're never

gonna get out of that blockage it's a

circle around you like we've seen it a

lot with lot of people not mind coaches

people saying it like they put and die

in the middle then they put circle

around it that is you and you can't get

at that comfort zone you're just in that

middle you have to break through and

that's what he's like I had a friend

make for me two weeks ago saying I wanna

cop

and I said to him you found me to tell

me you walk on

well how about you think to yourself

that I am gonna get I'm gonna have that

car or believe that you already in that

car believe in yourself like I said yeah

yeah there's no one else gonna believe

in you you know I mean you can't ask

phone someone can you believe in

addition of everyone else that's it yeah

cuz I knew this was interview was coming

up and I try and learn about the person

a little bit I took myself back into

those two years and the key to my

success in those two years was a

decision I will just make a decision and

believe it oh there's an analogy when

somebody says I'm trying to quit smoking

for a bit or somebody just says I don't

smoke anymore they're two different

types of people the person who doesn't

smoke and move will not be tempted and

nobody will really ask him where

somebody's that off stop smoking for a

bit the most aren't you're gonna get

asked in a grave you want one or they're

gonna be very very tempted it's kind of

you've got to make your own identity you

do if that makes sense ain't the world

like I'm trying change that try to I am

NOT little words how you think I'm what

you say your language you know yeah you

to yourself what it's raining today or

Congo you know but you say I will go for

when the rain stops to be rain is not

gonna kill you you know it's just it's

the mind thing to be fair it's it's hard

it's hard I know what where people come

from like for me softly from being

judged mean creatures

is going through depression at a young

age you know feeling alone and

overcoming them things it's just it's

not as easy I want people to know that

they're not on their own you know I know

people it's hard to explain to someone

how you feel but they need to realize

that you're not on your own because

first of all these people not worse than

what they're going through you know

second you're breathing you know he got

two arms two legs

you put got a roof over your head get

food on the table and end of the world

never think that and just feel strong

about yourself and even yourself

but never give up and that's one thing I

think in the Asian community is Wally

not all there's nothing wrong with you

don't worry you're just crying all

you're just upset it's a debate know

what's going through yeah you don't know

what's going through the person's head

or what's happening and me as a young

kid I remember them little things when I

was on my own and crying and all sorts

it was quite hard and not family members

don't know this to be fair but all the

comment in a way that it was that fuck

you attitude like you know what I'm

gonna I'm gonna prove people wrong you

know I didn't care what people think but

I used that as a I'm gonna prove a mom

that I'll turn that good and I turned up

doing I achieve things that day car so I

used them as a fuel baby that's why I

used the mass and it carried on like

that and my mind just got stronger and

stronger hmm and anything even today

like I mean people who having a bad day

and I turned their mindset it's just me

talking deception isn't it yes it's how

you see it

and I think you took started this so

you've been doing this since you attend

they pretty much and that's probably why

you're better at it than most people I

think the important thing people should

take away from this episode is make it a

habit yeah so how you go to the toilet

at night how do you go have a shower

every morning it needs to become a habit

the way you speak to yourself from how

you see stuff so another good thing I do

other than these five things I do

gratitude journal is oh so I used to do

every morning which is fine but

somewhere along like the day after a bit

it kind of rubs off so something bad

happens even myself I'm guilty of

sometimes looking at

what I do you know I do have them

tonight as well so I'm doing gratitude

as soon as I wake open before I go to

sleep

it just helping me and my natural vibes

and everything it's very hard for me to

not be grateful for what I have like you

said I've got two hands and a few of my

health

touchwood at the minute got no diagnosis

of any illness isn't nothing I get to go

on holiday I know what I get to live the

life are what I'm blessed

yeah do you know what I mean I convinced

myself of that because because I am

never give up attitude may seem you know

that's the best way to be and being

grateful I've always been grateful I'll

be my dad and like we come from nothing

my parents come from nothing and we have

enough today to keep us happy and that's

all that matters

which is how well you know half is the

most important thing of course and you

know I've always been bought up in a way

to think that stay humble as well and be

grateful and that's well yeah and that's

one thing about me I love that and

that's something you preach on your

instagrams in your facebook as well

love that because always I can relate to

that so on my Twitter I just kind of say

stuff that comes in my head it's kind of

me talking to myself

yeah because sometimes if I'm a bad day

my first thing in my head is going back

to a prayer yeah and listen to how you

talk so be that person that you say

you're gonna be here and I wrote

something the other day which says

growing up I didn't have everything I

wanted but I had everything I needed and

that's literally how I grew up and and

that's kind of like one of my timelines

as well because I think my life is this

compared to so many other people that's

why people it's hard for them they think

they're humble but they're not really

they don't understand how what it takes

to be grateful you have to believe in

that you know what I'm happy

coming for my breakfast is a bit hard

times II was me I know and I've seen you

know looking at my friend he's buying

new train is no lazy Navi and now I'm

sitting up and for one but I still don't

go and get what I want because I know

I've got enough I don't you know that's

not gonna change your liver what

happened it's all still here it's not

cause it's a big example my friends

always like oh why didn't get yourself a

new car you know you all you need to

know

what can I'm humble in a way that my car

takes me a to be I'm happy that's what

the purpose of a car is that's all if

you could treat yourself to treat

yourself don't forget where you come

from people forget where they call

that's what happened I agree

they really forget asleep hour for a

listen that is I think so I come from

similar backgrounds no not as bad as you

in terms of not being very humble

because we had normally going up and I

remember the moment I got my first good

job he was in London and I was anymore

money thing on you wanted to deal with

and when I say what money I mean to me

to other people it's probably a normal

salary so I know all this money and I

remember Bibles designer gear these

jeans and stuff and if you go upstairs

to the third bedroom they're all them

jeans and all them teacher I just and I

hardly wear because yeah very quickly I

realized that doesn't make me happy

what makes me happy is being able to do

this or help people or give a hunter and

that kind of the best thing you can do

you know helping people is one of the

best things as well even if it's done

it's like the littlest thing like I'll

explain some time was of course telling

them how if they're saying the day's

been bad try and help and be they be

better not have a joke or just have

someone just maybe someone small yeah I

think I thinking in the world but

growing up humble and down to half is

probably my first thing not taking my

heart honestly from your hair is the

first thing that there is respect being

humble and down to the best can come

after that's the best thing I think the

world would be a better place if there's

no greed then like lot of people are

there's not greed

there's a lot of competition Cuba

competition not a lot of people compete

with them with others or their mates or

their family members like I've always

told my parents like listen don't worry

what people say let them talk let them

be they think what they want let them

think what they want they're jealous the

Haiti they got a negative problem which

they need help in but they don't

understand that especially in our

community indeed pretty they see they

won't know that they don't stand this

kind of stuff this is like if you can

fucking get it what can't you why don't

you do this why don't you do what they

don't realize the other person might be

happy you know they're happy with what

that for my dad my dad one kind of

person like you were says to me what

kids are happy

be healthy about reform I'll either see

you always you say that his whole life

and you're drilled into my head

no even though I didn't grow up with

them but but then let them believe

remember yeah I remember these things

and now always when I stay at home

that's why I got that little white book

top of the mirror and I love that look

honey and I've got one thing that I'm

I'm rich yeah and you know how I feel

and well feeling about everything I want

you keep saying that the things that you

don't you don't expect they'll come to

you anyway then you're attracting that

or anything of course but yes like I

said it's not easy for people out there

that's hard but I already know I love

that you've shared that because that's

literally how I think yeah so we just

before we started this episode I told

you I'm selling this house now yeah and

I was like we're gonna get ourselves a

smaller apartment and two other people

it's gonna be like shit you're given a

big house for a small little apartment

for what for me is my happiness my

wife's gonna give up WIC we're gonna be

together I don't care that I don't all

my house that doesn't bother me

I don't care my family or friends say oh

you don't want to have anymore

listen not many people do all that

houses the lights on the houses for a

start but secondly it doesn't bother me

I've got not ego in relation to that

what I am doing is controlling my own

life I'm living life on my own terms and

my wife's happy that's the best way and

going back to banks on that to be fair

we don't own exactly nothing

we're here for a very very short amount

of time we're leasing almost everything

in life you know to me we don't own

nothing and all your own only thing your

own is your own happiness their own

mindset and yourself absolutely and like

you said you and your wife are happy

that's when you care about a lot of the

people out there to care about the kids

and their parents and that's what they

should be this I think time is more

valuable than money you know I mean the

most most important commodity you can

get money all day long you'll get that

forever at the time you never get that

back and that's me saying it because

that time I lost with my parents I'll

never get anything I get that back yeah

me growing up as a most of my friends

used to go back school

don't open the door go back home sorry

don't open the door one day mom and dad

a day no I didn't have that feeling I

didn't know what it's like growing up

with parents or what it's like being

with you in a moment dad and my mom and

dad had to go through a lot they have to

cry you know they're always out

every day have known a magic I mean I'm

not a parody I can only imagine how hard

that must've been a song he was always

said to my mom and dad I said no there's

people are there I've lost you know the

parents in walls and this was going on

now and people are you know dying and I

said don't worry I'm fine and

everything's good

and I always came that positive energy

and that thing that I'm gonna do well

don't worry come off it and I will never

basically we say flop come so I'm gonna

prove everyone wrong don't worry and

same people they used to criticize us

they don't even want to look at me now

yeah yeah I know I still pull my hand

out unshaken because that's not the way

of yours just because they hate you

doesn't mean you have to hate back don't

go on to their level yeah and most

likely reason that they have these kind

of opinions or something positive stuff

is because really it's an opinion about

themselves so when they see you doing

stuff or saying you're gonna do

something they believe they can't do it

and that's what it is I had it well I

mean when I was 25

I'm 25 slate and I was like 42 pounds

overweight

heavier than I was now tits and

everything and I would but I want to go

and box it every single person close to

me other than my mom I like my brother

and like my immediate family were like

you can't do it straightaway

dad already decided my fate in here just

incredible how do you guys know you

haven't seen me try I wasn't as good as

when I was 17 when I first know but I

was like oh because I was so like

focused I was like respond I think I

could do something because I had an

Olympic coach who told me I could do it

and I was at surely his opinion in that

field matters a little bit more than

your opinion yet but then saying that if

I never had that guy tell me that I

probably would have believed it and I

probably would never have tried it and I

still say to this day those two years

are the best years of my life I never

achieved the things that I want to do

chief but I built my counter and I built

my strength and I built so much about me

as a person

yeah in those two years that I think is

really important that was me literally

ignoring people's opinions or definitely

urge people shut up everything the thing

is that when people when people say to

another person you can't do it who are

they don't you are needy they're

nobodies they just feel like that but

themselves that they Condor is on you

can do it

and it's good in a way because when you

start thinking like that you get

stronger and you think to yourself you

know what that's true who are they to

tell me and you that's why sometimes

that period of my life where I got

criticized judged I probably took any

now people but they won't do to my faith

but yeah but you need them people

sometimes because they've got a issue

with themselves in within themselves of

course but they're taking it out on

others but you need these people because

you use them as a competitive thing like

you know what I'm gonna prove you wrong

there and it helps you it pushes you

even more and it's just forget it I just

have this quote from the whole two years

on my wallpaper on my phone and it was I

do because I can't I come because I want

to I want to because you said I couldn't

and that's what it was because there was

so many people that said I couldn't yeah

I'm just gonna go and do this now yeah

almost to prove them wrong so I get that

yeah it's very hard but like I said

everyone goes to so much through life

and you mentioned the depression thing

earlier and obviously you know you found

fighting as your way of kind of

releasing energy and helping you and all

the benefits of exercise on mental

health and depression yeah how did you

overcome it or is it something that you

still feel you battle with now I think

um I don't have it no more now basically

up in a way but back then when I was a

kid I didn't know it was depression okay

but it was but I realized after

afterwards it what it was because going

in a room lock yourself up and crying is

just as a 12 year old and I was 10 to 12

that's when it was the main period and

it was a bit more you wouldn't realize

and you think one more crank you just

you know but that's what's going on your

head is telling you

Danya you're on your own you got no one

there your mom and dad that's so far

away you know you have all these

thoughts going through your head and

negative thoughts basically and he

started from there and I worked myself

in a way thinking and first of all

sports was helping me anyway keeps your

mind of things you know like I always

say to people find a hobby don't have to

become a sport do any sport it could be

anything you know sitting playing on

PlayStation yeah sometimes it gets your

mind off things remind some well

absolutely and the way I overcome it is

basically I was just

one day I'll just come home and thinking

to myself I'm about 14 now and I'm done

it in ages and I was thinking to myself

hold on I felt alone I'm not sitting

there I was thinking and no one cares

about me you know I want to go back to

Germany I don't want to be here no more

but then I started thinking these people

started coming all in my head that

criticized me and just my family my

parents basically and everything and I

said if I go back now and give up I

gotta hear that for rest of my life and

my mom and dad will have to hear that

say he didn't make nothing of himself he

ain't done nothing so at 14 I have to

think and more 14 year olds they don't

think about us knowing no chance I have

to prove after thinking my head don't

think you know what I can't do this I

give up no matter how hard it becomes I

will not give up I was there yeah and

prove everyone wrong and I'm not telling

everyone that it's easy to do you know

depression is it's a very I don't think

it's looked into as much it should be

and it's quite hard and not many people

can overcome it

because they feel that there's no one

day and of course you know I mean until

not only in the hard way

look I didn't speak to no one I used

myself as in I'm gonna do this I'm gonna

do that I'm gonna prove them wrong and

I'm gonna give it a go I'm not gonna

give up and then I never gave up from

they carried on I went through a lot of

stuff through it throughout then as well

I lost my grandparents in India mum or

my dad's mom and dad both died day after

each of that and especially a funeral

day it's a very different thing I've

gone I've lost fights that's made me

feel down you know I've had shit

performances fights I've been criticized

judged again this was around 18 19

so through in my whole life there's been

bits and bobs but I had that one thing

in my head I don't give a fuck I am NOT

gonna give up and I'm gonna carry on and

today people respect you for it you know

people think you know who's strong

minded person yeah definitely and now

I'm just too old I'm getting I feel like

my body might not be the same that I was

when

was 18 I'd like mmm fire and then got

the punches got the kid speed whatever

but in my head I'm still that lion and

he still there and if I have to do

something I know I can do it my body

might have to be shattered even if it's

not fighting or whatever is all training

using that one is yeah unify they say

people lose their jobs they get

redundant the baffled they don't know

what to do they go to a pub they start

drinking no cuz they don't used to

thinking one fuckin into the world

no walk through that door be happy mmm

see your family

what about girlfriend kids where that

smile say you know what

tomorrow's another day absolutely simple

as that to do them and that's the way to

overcome things it's hard it's it's not

easy I'm not saying it's easy but you

know yeah I think you need mindset yeah

you've got like an athletic like a top

top level of mindset but the things

you're saying is you're not saying you

don't feel it as well yeah you still

feel pain you still feel this struggle

or making a hole and you're not Superman

like nobody wants to wake up and running

the cold but you have to do cos

necessary you have to do and if anything

if we can train ourselves whether it's

through exercise combat sports or

whatever it is like any goals we have is

it going to discipline yourself yes

that's really where you get your rewards

yeah

discipline yourself alone you have to

discipline your mind and your you have

to think right and it's just like like

you said it's not easy but what isn't

easy

nothing's easy in life and this is a

thing and I think I'm not sure of the

right word for it but I feel a little

bit sorry for people who haven't been

through the hardship in life or suffered

as much because it's more difficult for

them to put themselves in somebody like

yourselfs position yeah see the thing is

you had your back against the wall you

had no other choice easy there look I

quit and this is the end now or I keep

fighting forward and you're calling

forward stand by swing it's true even as

a kid like when I was in Germany going

through being bad influence through I

was only seven eight and I wasn't doing

theft and that and literally you know

just I think the only time one thing I

remember is getting my head kicked in by

a bunch of sixteen year olds me I'm a

I'm

seven years eight years old but that was

the life growing up in the state and I

think coin from coming from Frankfort

they stay area there and come into hands

with it's just as bad well yeah I bought

that mentality to England that no one's

gonna fuck with me and I am Who I am I

see and they've helped me I don't know

me I remember last time getting in

trouble here in England you know just

stay disciplined and then what I have to

do found a talent kept up with it kept

my head strong you know regardless of

what happens in life they're gonna be

ups and downs gems are gonna come that's

no matter what they don't matter who is

okay you can be a celebrity you can be

yeah multi-millionaire credit they're

all going through storms and they all

come through life where they stressed

and they're whoever but the carrier of

the carrier they don't give up you know

and that's the way to be to be basically

and I carried on to be fair I bought

that same mentality it took time and

like I said I still you have ups and

downs now I have ups and downs now and

then but doing that thing like waking up

in the morning how makes it positive

it helps Lord and I hope people try that

this you try all right definitely I mean

I've started yeah I told you you'd like

to get people to start it because it's

important out and the thing that's

important is you showed your under

ability there so we all know you as this

tough guy yeah you know kicking ass all

over all over the world but it's good to

have wannabe of you as a human saying

look I still struggle that's it but like

you said you've got two choices you

before you go backwards and yours is

always to go forward keep looking

forward and don't look back basically if

you start looking back you living in the

past of course live in the moment that's

what we've gone the future that's got to

be fair forget the future the past live

in the limit yeah I believe in that

moment you know you wake up that's your

day live in that moment that time that

you got in that lake every minute hour

whatever counts yeah and giving that

moment I love it future is a plan past

is gone forget that and the moment is

what you're gonna do then whatever you

do in the day doesn't mean I'm telling

people to train or whatever not as

athlete wise as a normal human being

wise find happiness first

in yourself and think positive and what

your mind just starts changing myself

I'm just living that moment I love it

that's the best way brilliant bro I

appreciate that great lessons there um I

would ask you then another question and

so I know you're not scared of like

combat and stuff stuff that most people

a normal person on their own will be

scared of confrontation is tough because

obviously you've been then you're not

just competing against a normal person

throw it you're competing against

somebody who's trained and probably just

as hard as you yeah but other than that

what else in life scares you then you

know what be honest I've never feared

anything to be fair the only thing I

fear and as in person who Dean he's

probably my parents losing my parents I

don't feel nothing else I can go back to

the bottom I know I'll rise up again

nothing fears me but we all know that we

get old at one point and we're gonna use

people we love and it's a hard thing and

especially like me that I haven't spent

time with them as much as I want to do

my life and try my best I'll do

everything now a lot of people ask me

what you want you go holiday come with

you mate so I can do that whenever of

course at that time I have off I'll go

home and that time I spend with my mom

and dad it's the most important time in

my life and I think if I fear anything

it's losing my parents in life basically

nothing else fears me I could lose wah

wah lose my house I can lose my job I'll

do whatever is but you can't replace

that you can't replace certain things

your parents are one thing that you

can't replace you loved once something

you know and that is my fear

we take you for granted yeah we do

another fear that a lot it's it's

something that you know you gotta accept

it one day it's no and but you don't

want it to come and that's the fear you

have any you've got the right mentality

though that every day is you basically

seize the day

yeah so you make the most of it I'm the

same I think that probably one of my

biggest fears as well my immediate

family obviously if you know is you do

and I know a lot of people use that

dreams to inspire my sometimes use like

my nightmares to inspire me so I I

sometimes I know it sounds a bit morbid

but it's like just imagine if this is

their everlasting

do you know what I mean

that requires we have to really give my

all on the day because my my end game is

for them to have their life that they've

always wanted a do you know mean until

they have to find that for them so if

you always because I'm not the longer

you take the more chance it is of that

day coming that's it yeah that makes it

and you're right that is using that is

basic I use the same thing like I always

think the opposite I think to myself you

know it's God forbid something happens

to him that's why I booked my ticket on

the last minute hang on when I have that

time off it can be two days three days

I'm their dog of course no catch the

flight I'm gone you know I mean I could

use that money to do anything I want I

don't know anywhere in the world if I

want some toys and do I want but that

time I spend with them that's the best

was the best time and even if he's just

sitting at home and just talking to

having it laughing just chilling it

can't be no there's no that's the only

thing I personally fear anything else I

don't feel like you can throw me in the

jungle with nothing you know I mean

obviously I'll come at what I've gotta

do and going back to the bottom of my

advice by cooking I'm not scared normal

because you know once you've been there

yeah you don't fear to be there again

but you know how to wake yourself up

then yeah you can be poor rich but they

were still living our India and you see

poor people you see you know how people

live and how people are they still have

you know yeah you don't mean it's crazy

easy it's still happy I'm going Thailand

back end of last year and I remember

this one particular family was a three

generation family and they were just

smiling in this very small hut where

clothes on the line that didn't look

like they were washed but they were

washed I don't mean that in any

disrespectful way but happiness it was

almost like an advert you know that when

you watch these business embolus and I

walked past it with the wife and we just

walking back to the hotel sir that's

bliss I mean like no God they've got

each other that's actually enough you

know those relationships they got

happiness love and I was like I love

that it did change my perception a lot

coming back from a place like that and I

think them as people especially in

today's society so glued to our

Instagram and we should go out there we

should look at these people and travel a

bit of the world and see how lucky we

actually are I went when I fought in

India for in Bombay and

it was a the poverty day was crazy and

poor but I've seen it remember going

growing past in the car on the right

hand side there's a mom with the two

kids and they seemed happy

they smiley and the kids were playing

and they ended up in the dirt

things are not change you know you're

gonna experience a lot that change and

you think you know always complain

complain why am i complaining but yeah

going back to the fear that's the only

thing I fear in life otherwise I don't

fear anything - yeah I was gonna say if

you don't see that the guys getting it

here

fair enough fair enough so I'm gonna

assume obviously your parents are your

big motivation but you're also like

you're inspiring other people as well

now so you when I've talked about your

Instagram yes if you're waking Mackenzie

away commit will China another minute as

well what keeps you motivated to still

keep that up because I'm not even about

day job as well yeah through touch phone

yeah so you went from network around is

it yeah engineer you're an engineer and

you do that full time when I see you I

just see you is it after you keep

finding people and doing amazing things

what inspires you in terms of keeping

that going is that just something that

you just enjoy this part of your life or

have you got a bigger inspiration to do

anything and I'll be honest you know

when it's been in use since 10 years old

it's an it is in your blood and you will

never give it up he's always gonna be in

you that attitude that fighter mentality

that been there done it and he inspires

me in a way that I used to do this it's

the world I lived he was it's what made

me I'm not I'm not when people say know

me as me they know me as the fighter

yeah yeah no means nothing so easily

it's gonna live with me forever

yeah so that's why it pushes me to help

others I like to help but I like to be

in that environment in that gym

environment where kids are training it

reminds me of me and when these guys are

training for Big Show's big fights and

I'm holy punch to them I'm training him

it reminds me that I'll be through this

and I love it

I think it's great and Guilds all boys

and we have students that are little

kids from girls to boys and this so much

talent out there and I think it's just

brilliant

for them to get off the couch or hang on

the computers they enacted yeah I think

it's it's gonna be in me forever always

when it comes to that side I'll always

be there in that sport environment

because that's something that stuck with

me yeah yeah it's always there and I'm

always there to Harper I think this

interview is going to be interesting

though when people listen to it because

there's a lot more about this as well as

you as a person

yeah and I think you don't give yourself

credit for how wise and how emotionally

in terms of you you've obviously taken a

lot of knocks to the head as I telogen

because I listen to a lot of large

premieres and world leaders and most

people speak the same things so that the

max of everything is the same everyone's

trying to motivate us by I said there

was stuff but what it is we will have a

different way of communicating and yours

is obviously through your fight game but

some of the words you're saying today is

it's literally like I'm hearing it and

you can see how excited I'm when I'm

sitting here because I was just hearing

someone I admire lip killing it across

the game saying the same stuff yeah so

there's obviously a secret to the

success you know the secret ingredient

which people have it and whether it's

making money or whether it's inspiring

people are getting to the top of a

5-game the things you are speaking about

are amazing so hopefully this interview

gives that and I think you should

definitely try and showcase that more as

well we touched on mental health and

this is something we'll take offline

because I'm deuce a couple of projects

in mental health so my mom suffered with

it for eight years on know how serious

it is and I think having someone from so

of health and fitness background into it

there might be room for us to

potentially work together or something

to what help into poor people awareness

is tough so I'm excited for that because

I think you've got more than just horny

pants for people you've got a lot of

life why I like helping doing space of

that I don't see I'm doing yeah yeah

sometimes if my friends all my family or

even my parents of the day of negative

times on the talky negative I'm thinking

I'm explaining it to them yeah it's true

like you said you don't realize you have

that in your head you have it here like

you don't have to have a great a be

all agree but if you got general

knowledge in life and you know how to

especially help people I made people

happy no life experience is the main

thing a female nowadays this youths out

there that like that

you know I mean of course parents want

to give them everything on the plate

don't want to see them struggle but

they're not gonna experience life she's

not gonna not true no and I think the

best lesson they could teach at school

is how to control and understand your

own mind which is something that you've

had to do definitely cuz I remember last

time using science I use it a little bit

for fitness but generally speaking yeah

it's some of the stuff is okay yeah I

don't know how to pay tax and yeah of

course they should just be like a life

school or thing yeah yeah but I think

that's something that I'll probably do

with my kids because I'm not I've got

academics yeah then the whole degree the

Masters and stuff and it's not really so

me where I want to go look this stuff I

wanna do I don't actually need any of

that so for me it's like I've just

wasted so many years so when I get kids

and stuff I'd love first I'm gonna get

in the club box it's a little boxy

engineer sports all that's also but

generally speaking what I think when

they get to a certain age if they find a

passion or something they wanna do I

took their choice yeah absolutely their

choice and another thing I want to hit

on is basically a lot of people don't

realize this when there's no difference

between a girl and a boy a girl can do

anything that a boy can understand I

know girls are tough for the boys yeah

they're champions and I don't disagree

with the thing that a female can't do

what American you know they can do

anything anything that American and

nowadays females are more successful

than men really do what and he's just

the individual that's why yeah because I

get a lot of parents saying that oh yeah

my boys gonna do this but how about you

girl look of course it what means she

can't do that no example like fighting

or boxing

oh my boy he might not want to do that

but you go might become a world champion

be and it it's I mean yeah there's a lot

of female fighters now I'm seen coming

up as dangerous imagine you also is all

gonna bring on a female power lifter

it's just a normal girl that you

wouldn't think that

the power of technique and everything

they got and everything else boys this

got their own training and it's hard and

it's all a point athlete and fighting to

the sign as a person and human I'll be

through things but I'm still standing

okay so there you've heard it the buzzer

has gone off now we're gonna put Raj

through his paces and I'm gonna asking

the most random questions ever was 60

seconds so are you ready buddy yeah I'm

ready let's go okay brilliant three two

one what did you eat for breakfast see

ya the ability to fly or be invisible

visible money or fame money Bruce Lee or

Chuck Norris Bruce Lee your proudest

moment your favorite food pizza Netflix

or YouTube Netflix your number-one goal

this year just be healthy boxing or

kickboxing boxing

would you rather know how you will die

or when you were dying your favorite

boxer ever everything more or less your

favorite MMA fighter ever John Jones

love or money love books or movies

you're number one fitness tip your

favorite workout song yes if you could

sit with one person in the world for

another who would it be

not bad your worst fear is a child you

ever seen what is your biggest addiction

junk food summer or winter winter your

favorite place in the world India if you

could abolish one thing in the world

what would it be your favorite superhero

your biggest friend and the final

question is your favorite movie star

Robert De Niro really good stuff okay so

the next thing I ask is about reflection

so if you could go back to maybe an

earlier time in your life where you

could whisper something to your younger

self say for instance when you're first

coming to Tom that Airport yeah you

leavin funfair fine you comin up to

England and you can just whisper

something into that kids yeah knowing

what you know now what would you say if

I'll take it back to that time

when me when I first left Germany going

to that Airport back with my bags no

whispering to that kids hear my sob I'll

just say go there and smushy hmm you're

gonna make it okay

so we're actually at the last question

now and this is a question asked all on

my guess yeah and it's if you're not

hundred fifty years no members are

around anymore and all that exists is a

book book on the table and it's a book

about your life and everything that

you've done open to whenever you pass

and on that book what I wouldn't

obviously what the player would be and

secondly what the summary would tell us

about you at the back Montana would be

basically my favorite song with no one

knowing this notion of comedy it's my

way from Frank Sinatra okay love like my

book would be called my way yeah because

I've done everything my way the way I

wanted it to do the way I wanted it to

be and that's why I'll call it just my

way but a picture yeah okay straight

ahead my legs and the name my way and at

the back just a great human being

basically like how people and went

through the struggles through journey of

my life and a Beatle come my way my way

try and get the truck oh yeah I love

that song literally but um yeah that's

it really but that wouldn't be the book

and I will be the back the journey of my

life okay

that I destroyed my way no fantastic and

I've sort of said thank you again for

obviously sharing your story I knew it'd

be good my wife's been telling me for

ages brought myself as a podcasting back

in the day but she was like you need to

reach out to write you know it's got an

amazing stories inspiring

from the moment I met you today your

energy and stuff appreciate that

thank you very much days on I'm just

like as a friend now I'm proud of

everything you're achieving and what

you're doing going forward until your

parents are as well and just before we

close up the show what's the best place

the audience can connect with you or

follow your story they can connect with

me through Facebook social media

Instagram Facebook and your names for

the names are red silent

okay on Instagram only one radish salad

I like

and they're on Facebook right silent

I'll come up and you'll know

straightaway and you spout Raj Raj and

my second name is sa double L a and

fantastic so I do he's operating in the

show notes as well you'll find a lot of

like training footage as well I'm sure

there's a lot of mindset stuff in there

as well obviously if you throw a like

training like I knew actually before I

met you I was gonna want to go to the

gym after this episode so I've got my

shaker ready I've got my gym attire on

I'm going straight to the gym hopefully

inspires you guys but also inspires you

not to make excuses in your life because

there's always somebody out there who's

probably got it with so thank you

Raj and for everyone at home thanks for

listening and remember this podcast is

absolutely free so all we ask in return

is for you to share this with a friend

and drop us a five star review over on

iTunes

have an awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Surviving Cancer & thriving 365 days a year #14

Mon, 25 Mar 2019 05:55:23 GMT

Find your voice - Episode 14 - "And still I rise" - Bep Dhaliwal #14

Tagline: "No matter what life threw at her, she felt the pain, she cried the tears, and then she chose to rise..."

The Queen at finding the Silver Lining, Bep Dhaliwal shares her incredible story. You may recognise her from her fantastic movement, Thrive 365 which focuses on life coaching and empowering others.

In this episode Bep discusses her incredible perspective on life, having overcome cancer and seen the damage it has done throughout her family and friends. Initially having a career in the Corporate world she has now transitioned into something more self-fulfilling and purpose driven.

Her infectious and positive attitude is evident as she has had to re-evaluate her own mission in life, focuses solely on helping to empower others.

A truly emotional story, which resonated with me personally due to Cancer being a common theme in my own family, I am grateful Bep shared her story and encourage you all to follow her journey.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/find-your-voice/id1448344412?mt=2

Links to guest:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/bep.dhaliwal (Personal)

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Thrive365uk/ (Thrive 365)

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thrivebep/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bep-dhaliwal-coactivecoach/

Apple podcast app:

Stitcher:

https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/aren-deu/find-your-voice

Spotify:

https://open.spotify.com/show/3EYhA7LvSu8vi3sTL07GGs

#JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren do what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aaron and as always I am the

host of the show so what a fascinating

story I've got lined up for you today

you see this person is not only

inspiring but she carries so much

strength and I have so much admiration

for her because life hasn't been easy

for her however she's not sitting there

making excuses she's not sitting there

playing the victim card in fact what

she's doing now if she's thriving 365

days of the year and while she's doing

that she's helping to the people so I

think it's really gonna hit home with

quite a few of us that listen to this

and I think there's certain parts of

this episode at least not gonna resonate

with you at least they resonate with me

because some of her stories I've

suffered similar stuff in my life

and maybe you have too and I think

there's real beauty in the way that she

describes a struggle and how she's

overcame it and how she's coping with it

on a daily basis today so I think what

I'm gonna do is jump straight into this

one again it's always more fun listening

to the guest than myself let's get this

show on the way okay so I just want to

begin by obviously thanking the

listeners for tuning in to the show

today and more importantly our wonderful

guest today which is Bev Dahlia so how

are you doing today I'm really good

Winkie great too great to be on and

great to speak to as many people as we

can

fantastic fantastic so as we touched on

just before this off is always obviously

trying to get you on the show for quite

some time now mainly my fault I'd like

to rearrange because of my cold and my

tissues which I still have but I think

it's important for the listeners to get

to know you

a little bit and understand your story

so if you wouldn't mind if you could

just kind of tell us how you progress

through life and kind of ended up where

you are today okay and so as ayran said

my name's Bette I I suppose I'd probably

describe myself as a regular Indian girl

who was being brought up by some amazing

parents actually who have worked really

really hard so you know they were the

first generation to come to the UK they

put a lot of their dreams on hold in

terms of you know my dad wanted to be a

doctor and he ended up having to work in

a factory just you know bringing the

cash et cetera

they both had an amazing work ethic

which I think has helped me my brother

and my sister to really appreciate the

value of kind of working hard and you

know being respectful and looking out

for each other and caring and you know

family first sort of those kinds of

things so it was really privileged and

actually you know months all of that and

I was working hard

there was also loads of fun so you know

we've just laser fun things as kids not

with a lot of money but you know it's

just making time for each other really

and because my dad work shifts we'd have

a lot more quality time with him so that

was always really you know good so he

made sure that we played in that time

which was amazing and then went off to

university it was probably the first

Asian girl in our family to go to

university he see that had his ups and

downs so for me the ups were obviously

like loads of freedom and friendships

and it just felt like you know oh my I

had never really experienced freedom

before so it was just life with no

restrictions and it really sparked

something in me in terms of just being

independent and just on my own two feet

actually putting myself first you know

thinking about what it was that I wanted

and Load came from that so you know that

was a really important time in my life

after university and got married Church

you know chose the guy that I wanted to

marry because I kind of was

fresh to get married and unfortunately

that didn't really work out we you know

you kind of realized quite I realized

very early on that we were just living

life on very different you know my

upbringing had been different values in

life were very different

and there were later lessons you know I

really should have realized at that

point in terms of the power of trusting

your gut you know which I really should

have trusted even today and I didn't but

there was just a lot of pressure to you

know I suppose to live the dream that I

suppose for some respect you know my

parents had given me the freedom to go

to university I owed them something back

and although I chose this guy you know

but we we all learn a lot in that

process my parents in terms of a spaced

out strong and independent I can be for

me it was just a case of wow sometimes

it's really important listen to your

parents and their gut instincts but you

know don't worry about it and that's the

biggest thing for me is that you know

yes it was you know seven or eight years

of my life but who I then became was a

person that I just think wow I would

never become that person if I had stayed

in that kind of relationship or not been

through that yeah exactly not been

through that and then I suppose you know

had a few years of again being single

and enjoying my life and then I met the

right guy and got married and then

cancer came along and threw in some

curveballs so very early on into our

marriage

probably about eighteen months in I

think so yeah so that's me yeah faith in

terms of just that additional element of

Who I am I am I supposed part of the

other theme that kind of ran through was

I had a 20-year kind of corporate career

so I was working you know in a big

corporate business for 20 years in

various different roles sales marketing

PR and I were recently left in 2017 and

set up my own business called Wray 365

and it's literally about how you can

thrive every day I love it

okay thank you for sharing that you're

doing this thing now which is thrive 365

obviously I'm assuming because of your

cancer situation and it's kind of change

the whole perspective on life and I

follow use now on social media not in a

stalking way but I'm very inspired by

your messages and the work that you're

doing out there have you always been

positive inspiring motivational have you

always thought about doing something

perhaps like this in your life or is it

because of the circumstances that you

would doubt you felt no actually I need

to give up this corporate life and I

need to have a shift in my life it's

definitely been because of a second

sentence is not I've never ever thought

about running my own business you know

even than my parents

did you know my mom had a sound wave is

Ness and we all bought up in that and I

realized how much hard work cause that's

never been my thing my thing has eaten

go you know bring in you know a safe

salary and I think for me it was always

a case of them you know and bring home

you know a decent enough salary in terms

of living a nice quality of life and but

but then it was always that case of for

me it's factly I suppose even after the

divorce it was a case of actually

there's more to life than work and work

was my nine-to-five but it was what I

did outside of those hours was what

enriched me and really kind of like

bought more perspective to my life and

that's where I wanna see a lot of my

energy but the cancer definitely made me

made me really stop and think about what

I wanted the rest of my life to be about

and it wasn't necessarily my

nine-to-five I've have had cancer in my

family kind of ripped through it as well

and it does completely change your

perspective and I'm not I'm not saying

it was a reason I kind of gave up

corporate because I gave that up for a

different reason but I think if it was

to happen at that time I'd probably

start to reassess my life as well and I

guess that's kind of one of the reasons

I I want to do this podcast is because I

don't want people to wait for a

situation or a circumstance in their

life in order for them to kind of think

do you know what I better make the most

of my life all of a sudden because a lot

of us is just going through autopilot in

our life to this shame it's a shame to

see because we can do so many beautiful

and wonderful things out there

could we just if you wouldn't mind just

expand a little bit just so the

listeners know in relation to the Thrive

365 yes sure say and I think for me like

you said and I think you've already

recognized as well just you know cancer

made me really really stop and

reevaluate everything in my life and the

one thing I realized that you know that

I really wanted to do was to to make the

most of every day and there's something

about and thriving doesn't mean that

you're living life 100 miles an hour

sometimes thriving for me is literally

sitting in front of the telly watching

Grey's Anatomy because that is the bit

that that chills me out and that's the

program I just have to watch on my own

and it just settles me and it you know

it does everything and I am ready then

to face the world after I've had that

hour and so thriving but it's just

knowing you know knowing that actually

what is it and it's so personal and it's

so individual as to what it takes for

somebody to thrive every day and so

within my business that's what I'm doing

I'm helping individuals through

one-to-one coaching in terms of

understanding themselves better and then

also you know going into corporates and

I'm just the on-site coach that again

goes in it just holds that space for

people to be seen and heard and to feel

like they they value their valued and

that they matter because I think there

was something so I suppose about you

know not living life on everybody else's

terms and expectations and I think

absolutely for me it's that journey of

knowing who you are and I didn't really

know who I was until even I suppose

actually was the it was after when I

decided to get divorced I also decided

to invest in a life coach which was the

best thing ever and she really helped me

work on my values because I was so stuck

about who I was and everything obviously

had been turned upside down for me and I

just thought I don't know how to

navigate forwards and you know and she

appeared at the right time and just

helped me recognize my value you say

that every decision I then made with him

my values were embedded in those

decisions

and I think that really helped fantastic

I resonate so much with that in relation

to my corporate life I actually I did I

didn't employ a life college similar to

yourself but why did is I had somebody

he was a lot wiser than me at the time

asked who I saw as a mentor and he he

actually asked me the question Erin what

are your values in ethics and it's one

of the question where you know it as a

kid I suppose or you kind of live by a

certain way but then you kind of forget

it and you like the whole autopilot and

then all of a sudden i sat there I

thought I don't actually know the answer

to that and I remember sitting there and

I went home that evening us I used to

stay by myself in a hotel when I was

working and I sat there and actually

googled ethics definition and I was

looking around to kind of get some

inspiration and then when I started to

write it down it wasn't far along after

I say about five or six months later I

actually give up corporate world for

forever and I then went on to become a

social worker and kind of attaching

things that resonate with myself in

terms of giving back and stuff so yeah I

find that really interesting that you

said that I was gonna say that that's

great that you actually were able to

hear that and take action against it

because I just I don't think I

definitely didn't realize that I didn't

know what my values were I knew that

things would trigger me and I'd get

upset but I didn't realize it was

because something whatever that

situation was was treading on my values

mmm-hmm and I think there's so much in

that you know the corporate world is

amazing the you know for giving you

perspective and introducing you to

people that have that awareness and that

can mentor you and I've learned so much

in you know my 20 year career but I just

think you sometimes it's those life

experiences that still you know help

absolutely and I think you hit the nail

on the head when you said about knowing

who you are and the funny thing is I

think so many people including myself at

some stage I didn't know who I was and

it's such a simple question but I think

I kind of wish that everyone can just

maybe take time out of their day or in

the weekend or something just a

collective thing is everything I'm doing

in my daily life it

is it working towards my core values at

least because if you can align those in

whatever other sector is you will find

some level of fulfillment happiness I

mean that's kind of my take on it and it

is it's about the alignment piece and I

just think I wish this stuff could be

taught in schools in terms of I didn't

talk quite recently citizen teenagers

and I was desperate to say to them

please don't lose sight of what your

passion is now so be it sport BR keep

something that's just yours

because that will be also be a piece of

how you thrive you know almost every day

because you need to have something that

connects with you and and I suppose one

of my other biggest life lessons is

everything starts with you and you know

everything everything is centered but if

we don't take the time to know who we

are or our triggers are what our

passions are then that's quite often

when we last and we stand we get on this

we live life on other people's terms and

you know with other people's

expectations and then actually that's

when you then end up potentially getting

ill because you realize that you are

living you know very stressful life

because it's not in alignment and that's

when I think sometimes you know the

awareness hits and sometimes that's too

late you know because the illness or

whatever is that's happened is there and

i reaiiy mutl on that page of let's do

this early let's just realise now and

you know you you you can change you can

find a way absolutely to help in

understanding yourself better and live

life in a so you know so much more

empowered way but yeah I can relate to

what it's like in a corporate life

you've got early starts you've got late

late evenings and you're pretty much

working more than the state seven and a

half hours that you're contracted to

your life's change now and you're I

suppose you're kind of living it on your

own terms have you got any sort of daily

habits or anything in relation to

routine where people who perhaps are

going through this phase where they're

trying to find themselves and they're a

little bit lost could perhaps adopt or

maybe kind of alter and

use yeah I suppose one of the things

because my you know my my weeks my

months are all very very different

because I'm kind of out doing later

different things networking you know

meeting new people you know doing some

client work it's all really really

varied but something I realized is

especially in terms of you know walking

my talk how do i thrive every day and

and i think there is something around

that that i know i'm gonna have a good

day if I literally do you know start

with exercise in the morning but then

there's something about you know that

then triggers me to then eat well

through the day will be much more aware

of what I'm eating but then also I think

there's something about taking time for

myself so I you know I have I actually

really enjoy time on my own in terms of

you know either listening to a

meditation doing a bit of journaling you

know I don't have a set time in which I

do that and actually give myself a bit

of a break on some of that stuff and

think actually you know what do I feel

like today like what is going to enrich

me what's going to feed my soul today

and sometimes it's actually even just

connecting with certain people that I

know do that for me as well I spend a

lot of time with my family

and so I've got two young nephews and I

you know where I can they're probably

you know them and my parents are the

ones I think okay I'm gonna get a buzz

from spending some time and that's the

freedom and flexibility I love working

for yourself that you can factor in time

to do you know and suspend where you

know you're gonna get a lot in return

and it is going to enrich you and these

are things that I don't want to ever

look back on my life and think I didn't

make time for the right people and and

all of that so I think having the

freedom and flexibility is what I really

appreciate but also I've realized

stepping away from corporate now just

how free I am to learn and grow in

subjects and areas that literally feed

my soul so

I'm a passionate you know I just feel

this so much more I've got to learn and

so I do you know spend quite a bit of

time in terms of reading absorbing

thinking out how I can use some of this

information with my clients and so I'm

just constantly feeding myself like

knowledge but also experience and giving

myself time to still get to know myself

a lot more and I've kind of said my

husband and myself a challenge this year

that this year is all about us in on an

individual level so what is it that we

both need to do for ourselves so that we

are still connected and I kind of feel

like I although I am connected to myself

I still feel there's so much more I need

to know about myself and I think that

typically again the whole you know I'm

the big sister I all my energy goes on

everybody else and and I need to write

what I really want to just stop and

think actually stop focusing on

everybody else focus on you and what is

it that you need I think you need to

obvious if it's like the analogy you

need to fill your own cock before you

can fill out the people's up there's so

many fantastic points you saw you spoke

about there you walk in the taught

you're getting to know yourself and I

think in a relationship and being in

relationship myself as well just getting

to know yourself and your own needs as

an individual I think his song yeah so I

love my wife to bits she's my rock she's

everything and she allows me to do what

I'm doing today

but we've also I'm very fortunate that

she thinks similar to myself we both

realize we have our own needs as well

and I think you need to all as

individuals but ourselves kind of first

and I know it kind of sounds selfish but

in order if you can do that right I

think that we can obviously give so much

more out to the world yeah and I don't

you know I've kind of challenged you

know I've always thought oh my god is it

selfish is it selfish and I realize

actually it really isn't that self

nurture and that self-love and self-care

just means that you you do fill your own

cup first you know you are the best

person you can be

and then other people benefit from that

they don't burn a curd and InTouch and

all of those kinds of things I think

people it's so much more from when you

are in a good place so whatever you need

to do to get yourself into that good

place first that's what everybody

benefits absolutely i 100% agree i think

the hardest probably point is for anyone

who's very giving in the nature and

actually is to kind of flip that breath

but yeah i think you've hit the nail on

the head I've seen massive improvements

in my life my wealth my health and

everything and by taking that slightly

selfish approach and to be honest it

doesn't even need to be anything

extensive so what I do is I wake up an

hour before my wife and within that hour

I will listen to something that will

help me mentally and I'll go to the gym

within that hour so by the time I come

back I'm then fully present and focused

on like my relationship and then the

work and he just it just works so much

better so yeah fantastic the the next

thing I always like to kind of ask my

guess is about adversity and I know I

know some of your story and I know with

the kinds of scare as well I mean if you

feel comfortable could you explain

perhaps maybe for listeners who could be

going through a similar situation or can

resonate with your story a particular

example of when you've you've gone

through this adversity and it's like a

particular day and how you overcame it

and I think more importantly the lessons

you've learned from it because I think

that's really important that hopefully

that can give some insight to the

listeners yeah sure so and you know

cancer is my story really and if you'd

have said to me years ago you know what

do you want to be named or like I would

never have chosen cancer but it has

literally is big it's become the very

unwelcome visitor in my family who keeps

on showing up and bringing a different

friend every time which is just really

really annoying but you can either drown

with all of that or you can find a way

through and and I've chosen to find a

way through and I suppose our story

started I suppose in in 2012 and my

husband was diagnosed with lymphoma so

that's a blood cancer and that you know

obviously

just knocked the not Dez off her feet

completely because he was the one

actually narration when a relationship

who is a healthy one and actually my

family a lot of people would look at my

husband and think no this guy's me this

guy goes to the gym and he eats well and

you know and he's a good guy and and so

that really shook and it was the first

kind of real experience in my immediate

family of cancer and his family and so

we you know we didn't know how to deal

with it we didn't know how to cope with

it what we realized you know very

quickly was you know you lose all sense

of kind of control and you become part

of the system and so even for me I you

know being the person on the sidelines

that wasn't really able to do anything

so as a carer you know it took hist oh

because everything centered you know

around the cancer and everything

centered around his treatment is

all-encompassing and it's over thing you

you just think live breathe cancer what

are we gonna do and and then you get

stuck in the system of like okay we're

gonna do chemo and his and his chemo

started straight away and you know and

you get into a regime takes loads of

different drugs in between chemo cycles

and and yeah it was the it was it was

mental you know as a family like

everybody was just like how did we deal

with this and and that can cause tension

in itself because everybody wants to

protect to make him better

of course you know and I think so that

was really really tough in terms of

navigating how we were approaching it

and in the end my parents were amazing

and you know my husband fainted after

his first chemo when we were just at

home and so my parents said actually you

know you can't do this on your own and

so we moved in with them so that I could

still do a little bit of work work for

me were they saying as an employer and I

had an amazing boss who basically just

said he's your priority look after him

and work when you can so I was so so

lucky just kind of to it with you know

is really they were so supportive and I

know how lucky we are because that isn't

often the case in cancer journeys

and so we just kind of fell into a

routine in terms of managing symptoms

the one thing it really did bring home

was oh my god do we stress about stuff

that really isn't important you know and

use every day yeah I know because I

think we all think we're invincible and

nothing's going to happen to us and so

we get ourselves so caught up in things

that aren't important and so we realized

you know when he was on that journey and

and every day and you know in his 21

days there's always different as to how

he would feel and there are some nice

side you know like people get angry and

you know and and miserable because of

what the drugs are doing to them and so

there's lots of things you don't see in

terms of you know from cancer and and

but we did start enjoying simple things

so just going for a walk you know we're

going for a cup of tea in a cake all of

these simple things that we so take for

granted suddenly it became so big

because whenever he was actually up to

it and was able to do that that was a

big thing in our day so so that was

tough and then on a holiday to celebrate

the end of his cancer journey so he was

really lucky and he he responded really

well to treatment and he was in

remission and then we went on holiday to

celebrate the end of his treatment and

him going back to work and then on

holiday I found a lump in my breast so

look at that so that I mean that was the

bit that it was hard because you know we

obviously thought we were we were at the

end of it and and we were and for me

that was really hard because because I

just wasn't used to putting myself first

or even being the center of anything

will essential attention and and the one

the biggest learning I suppose from that

whole journey was it made me realize

that I matter I didn't realize that all

that should be eating had um a bit and

actually I'm so grateful for cancer for

making me realize that

you know it totally made me step off

that treadmill of life that was the

trigger for me in terms of you know okay

now it made me question everything

everybody in my life everything that I

did how I was living my life and

obviously I'm so so grateful that both

of us got through it you know I I have

obviously been part of some journey

sense where people haven't got through

it and you know a really good friend of

mine like one of my best friends who

really stepped up when I was going

through my treatment and she just you

know happened to be on maternity leave

at the time and so we ended up spending

a lot of time together and I can

honestly say that she since then has

become my real sunshine pal and so I saw

her whereas other people didn't know

what to say

and it's awkward and people avoid you

when and things like that she rose to

the occasion and she stepped in and and

she just became you know I'd like to go

see her and she just whisked me off for

tea and cake and do things you know we

didn't have a nice lunches some lovely

lovely things and who knew that

literally in that year in 2013 as I was

going through my journey her and her

husband then moved from where they were

living in Windsor up to Nottingham share

and which would be near her family

because she just had her second child

and then her husband got diagnosed with

bowel cancer and sadly he dies in 2016

at the edge of that overall and I just

think but you know mine and Louise's

relationship as a result of all of this

is it has become so tie and so strong

even though we've got distance between

us in miles how she actually has

inspired me beyond belief in terms of

how you how you face death because sadly

we hate talking about death but you know

death is a part of life and and actually

being at the end being there at the end

when you know George very peacefully

buried I'm seeing how she was and how

she shared that with her two boys who

were three and one and a half

literally today inspires me to my core

every single minute of how she dealt

with that and how she continues to deal

with it actually so much so that

shameless plug here we are going to do

overall cod cuts terms of adversity and

you know um what it how it can change

your life and in a way but better if you

if you allow it if you hold it yeah if

you choose to see things differently and

it is all about perspective and the gift

in the suffering you know so there is

something that can come from it and

that's why we do you know of course our

own little sunshine tribe people that we

know will always hold that space for us

and will always let us live loudly live

big dream big be the best that we can be

the first thing I want to say is uh you

you spoke about gratitude day I'm just

very grateful hearing your story and I'm

thankful that you're able to share this

for me I was getting I was getting a

little choked up myself a little bit

there because I can relate in terms of

cancer just ripping through families and

causing this heartache

and I sincerely hope that you know the

kinds of scares for yourself your

husband and for your friend and for

anyone out there really that you know

that they're long gone and that we find

a solution and you know your health goes

from strength to strength you you also

you touched on some amazing things and

one of my wallpapers on my phone is

actually there's beauty in the struggle

it's just a little quote and it comes

from a song but I think at that time we

always think you know it's just

happening to us and the world is

happening to us and it's it's all about

perception and I been through quite a

bit as I'm sure the listeners have and

yourself and I really have managed to

start changing my perception when

something bad happens to myself and I

think it's made me the person that it is

today you touched on beautiful little

things like just going for a walk and

having a slice of cake with a cup of tea

and I think we often forget these little

things because we're in this world where

we see social media and we chase and

this we're chasing this dream that some

celebrity or some improv

has got on there we get the beauty lies

already within us and it's within reach

yeah and I think sometimes we're chasing

this stuff because we think we're not

enough and you know and we need to

constantly be feeling like there's more

there's more you know and I just

sometimes I just think there's so much

in the simplicity of a moment where

you're not actually doing anything is

just you're with the right people you

know and there's just something magical

that if we stopped and and stopped it's

a really big word for me right now in

terms of stuff and just let it be or

fully appreciated it was you know I kind

of think this this one moment in time

right now is the only one that we can

influence absolutely and it's the one

that's going to be you know if we

appreciate how good we've got it right

now in this very moment then we realize

how blessed and how lucky we are because

we can't influence you know we all have

dreams on what we want for the future

we've got experiences in the past that

have shape does and I you know I've had

to realize that I'm not going to have

all the dreams that I wanted and my life

has not gone the way it when I was 20

that I kind of expected it to go but boy

am i a richer person because of air

sometimes we don't know what's good for

us and what is in and and if I don't

make the most of the rest of my life now

I've got the choice to realize that I'm

not forever and you know and right now

how blessed am I for the experiences

I've had up to now and I know that there

will be loads more twists and turns in

this life then was I've always got a

choice in how I respond and I've got a

choice - you know I would definitely say

acknowledge the emotions acknowledge

everything that comes your way give it

space to let it teach you something you

know I still know that a lot of my

cancer journey for myself I did it in

through denial you know I kept on

putting a smile on my face is what

people needed around me that's the other

thing I want to anyone going through a

cancer Joe

just just expect the family and friends

just know that that patient quite often

and is having to be really really strong

you I mean because they can see the fear

in your face and actually I know the

thing that really helped me through my

journey was having a counselor she was

the person that I could go to that you

know wasn't you know a close family or

friend and and she was the one I could

go to and say what if I die you know

what do I need to acknowledge in my life

how do I prepare myself if that is

because you when you get the cancer

diagnosis you face your mortality

it's a massive smack in the face you

know and you realize have I done

everything I've wanted to do up to now

and like you said earlier in the podcast

don't wait you know for the cancer

diagnosis don't wait for that you know

another massive illness or something

live like now because you know if you

trust any of them and they are true I'm

sure all like the stats that are out

there by 2020 so next year one in two of

us are going to be affected by cancer at

some point in our lives and although my

family's taking taking one for the team

in quite a big way I I still think it's

more you know just to stop and

acknowledge the power of you right now

and living the life that you want to

live on your terms absolutely absolutely

I I want to talk about something just

after this first point the first point

is that just in relation to what you

said there and you you you got yourself

a cunt counsellor sorry to speak to you

about having been through would you have

preferred your family to maybe speak to

you openly about it rather than kind of

see as the elephant in the room because

I only ask that because I find it very

very difficult if like when my uncle's

got it or when my uncle passed away with

it do you kind of speak to him about it

and it was always kind of we just

ignoring and pretend everything's happy

and we're all smiling yet we'd go home

and we'd feel sad and then I I know they

would be sad would you employ people to

kind of maybe have that conversation or

do you think it's best left with the

next day

source like a counselor I think

everyone's unique and everybody or you

know because knowing that I use denial

as a coping mechanism I'm not sure that

I would have been ready for certain

family members to say to me okay tell me

what's going on here and how you're

feeling it was actually safer for me to

have somebody outside of my circle and

because I was in denial

putting the smile on for everybody else

and you know and navigating through it

did help the other big thing I probably

really do want to share at this point is

within the Asian community we really

need to start talking about cancer

because it is here it exists and we run

away from it and I know these only my

husband was diagnosed and actually you

know there's a lot of people in our

family still don't know that we bake had

it because we bore a smile or carried on

and and you know I had the most amazing

wig and so I had the most amazing hair

every single day and and so I just think

you know I even turned up at family

functions where people didn't know and

partly because we weren't able to deal

with their handling of it so in a way

I'm not saying everybody should know and

everyone deals with it differently but I

knew that if the more people be told the

more you don't managing their emotions

about the situation than having the

energy to focus on yourself and to do

what's right to get you through it so

there's no right or wrong everyone has

their own way of doing dealing with it

but I think acknowledging it as a family

if that person I shared it with you and

taking the time just to say you know

what can I do how can I help the procure

thing I remember typing a friend of mine

who's whose friend had it I remember

saying to her she said what can I do and

said take her sunshine I said you know

she doesn't want to talk about so all

the time you know she actually just

wants you to acknowledge her as her she

wants you to

you know she can still talk about the

weather she can tell you what she

watched on telly last night

cancer is all-encompassing and sometimes

you just want to break from it and you

talk about other things and you want to

talk about things that you talked before

and the one thing I know I craved was

normality I was so desperate to go back

to the life I had before cancer

Peyman and and you know I can like you

know I'm so full that I can go back to

you know typically the life was like

before now because you know within a

much better place and I know that's not

the case for everybody but know that

when you're on the journey the one thing

you're craving is normality that's

really powerful thank you for sharing

that I think that's that's a great point

and the like you said the Asian

communities everything seems to be a

taboo in the Asian community whether

it's cancer whether it's mental health

it's kind of everything is just brushed

entirely under the carpet which is a

shame but I'm just I just want to go

back to my initial point I really want

to do just highlight you said earlier in

the podcast that I this unwelcome

visitor cancer and you'll be known for

cancer in your eyes and I just want you

to know and I sincerely mean this is

that I think you're an amazing soul and

you'll be remembered for a lot more than

that you'll be remembered from this very

short interaction with yourself now your

inspiring is half out your kindness and

your endearing nature and I think all

the good things that cancer has brought

out of you because I believe it was

always within you to help other people

is truly amazing and you know I would

never just see you as that and that's

from our very short conversation so I

just wanted you to know that I'll bless

you I was I was gonna say that you know

I really want people to know that

there's joy joy runs through my core so

no matter what I kind of think please

find the joy in the simple things and

the big things in through everything I

just think you know just live a life

that is just full of that kindness love

and joy so I just think and that is

where I do walk my talk in terms of you

know making sure that I do find a way

through and you go I know you go what's

your biggest fear in this moment today I

think it is you knowing about what the

cancer has

I do I still fear of it returning a

ferret returning my husband for me for

you know other members of my family

because you know you just think although

I've learned in lessons and I still

sometimes think like okay if it did what

would I do but then I just I do

sometimes just stop myself and going X

I'm like okay like I said earlier bit me

of being a bit of a hypocrite you can I

can only influence today that's a day as

far as I'm aware I don't have it and so

actually that make the most of today so

I think there's always going to be that

underlying fear once it's been there in

your life you know but then I suppose

that's maybe why I'm on over tribe of

cramming as much wonderfulness into as I

possibly can and so and I know I've got

the strength to deal with it in

whichever guys it does if it does so I

think sometimes I just take myself to

what is that fear acknowledge it think

about how I'd handle it and then put it

to bed so don't let it kind of like

overtake and so I think yeah I think

it's it's still there in the background

lurking that's fine that's fine and I

suppose that's probably you don't really

need anything to keep you motivated

I suppose in life because a lot of lot

of people I come in contact with on a

daily basis we're all trying to motivate

ourselves to make the most of life and

you just said a beautiful word there I'm

not even sure if it's a word but it just

sounds beautiful wonderfulness and I

think if we can all make the most of our

days and they're over driving that you

use in I think I think it's so important

I try to do that as well as ie 100

percent think sleep is important but I

think once you have enough sleep then

stop hitting that snooze button really

try and make if you if you want to do

something in life go out there and do it

if you want to connect with someone go

and connect with them if you want to

tell someone you love them then go and

tell them because your stories are

living proof of this you can't take

nothing for granted in this world no too

many of us do spend a you know life

taking a lot for granted absolutely and

people supplanted and I just think

there's something about the magic in the

people around us and

what they bring you and and to share

that with them and select them no

because we can't take anything for

granted

absolutely and I think I mean I'm not

going to sit here and say I take I don't

take things for granted because I I D

but what I've done is and it's just a

little tip for somebody who's probably

not gone through the harsh circumstances

that you have is to really try and have

triggers in your day so for me I have my

wallpaper on my phone I have a photo of

me and my wife have a photo of my family

and I have all these little triggers

where if I ever kind of revert back to

my old habits it will snap me straight

out of place and think I don't fix up

overdrive because because this fault was

there where people are missing as far as

there were people are ill and it's just

it makes you think completely

differently and I just you don't want

you don't want people to go through that

life or have those experiences but I

think sometimes like you said when you

struggle or you go through adversity if

anything it becomes I suppose I can gift

into curses and it you get the case but

then you get a gift from it as well at

the other side I was gonna say when you

get the suffering and I you know there's

something in that suffering but

suffering is also teaching you so much

if you allow it and if you don't fight

it Sam and I just think there's

something in the pain part and that does

then bring the gift when you're ready to

see it okay we are gonna shift gears now

actually we're gonna start smiling now

and what we're gonna do is this is

actually the fun part of the show where

I literally put my guests through just

60 seconds of the most random questions

you've probably heard this week so

there's no right or wrong answer just

try and obviously with your face thought

process and we're gonna start in 3 2 1

okay what did you eat for breakfast Oh

peanut butter on taste the ability to

fly or be invisible fly when your fame

I think Fame for this message your

biggest achievement to date surviving

cancer your favorite food

oh my mum's lamb curry Netflix our

YouTube each aid your number one goal

this year Oh

to to thrive everyday but I really

want to raise the game on how people

live their lives more fully and so to

help people understand how much they

matter would you rather not how you a

died or when you were dying

when love or money love books or movies

books if you could sit with one person

in the world for an hour who would it be

Maya Angela what is your biggest

addiction oh gosh don't know but I'm

addicted to anything really other than

this constant need to better myself were

to learn more and it's all more that's a

brilliant addiction your favorite place

in the world I have to say I took myself

off on a holiday to Brazil and there was

a beautiful hammock on my on my little

balcony I was on my own actually this is

me testing myself and that hammock and

that v---aids on a beach in Brazil was

yeah one I'll never forget if you could

abolish one thing in the world what

would it be I suppose it's ignorance or

people being unkind to each other love

that and finally your favorite song ever

oh my god actually cherish I'm gonna get

cherish cool in the gang

I've heard that played live and is

beautiful brilliant okay fantastic so

the next question I always like to ask

my guess is about reflection I believe

hindsight's a wonderful thing and upon

reflection we can always think of ways

to get to where we currently are quicker

easier or with less heartache but at the

same time the journey teaches us so much

and it's a real belief of mine that

everything happens for a reason so what

I want to know is if you could go back

in time to that one moment where you

struggled say as a younger vet Danny

well somewhere down the line and

suffered with adversity or an obstacle

or anything in life maybe the first time

and you could whisper something in your

ear knowing everything you know now what

would it be and I think it would be that

I'd want to say it's okay you're exactly

where you're meant to be right now you

know don't by to allow the lesson to

come feel the pain feel the feelings and

just trust that there's going to be some

lesson that your learner is as a result

of this and you'll be a better person as

a result of this so just trust and

actually ask for help I'm really bad ass

not asking for help and that's one thing

I've learned is ask for help

mmm-hmm are you better at asking for

help now I am and I know but I also know

who who I know so I've got you know some

space it probably is more my friends now

and you know and some family members I

just think I know what they won what

which ones will give me what I need love

it and if I can help in any way as well

I know you having a podcast soon or any

anything in relation to thrive sixteen

six five or even personally please do

let me know thank you you're very

welcome

sadly we're actually at the last

question now and the last question I

always ask is if in 150 years time

science fails to save us all and all

that's left is a book and this book is

about your life and it's about

everything that you've done everything

you've accomplished all your dreams and

everything what I want to know is what

the summary at the back of the book

would say and also what the title would

be okay and say I think it's gonna be

the summary in the back it's gonna read

something along the lines of no matter

what life threw at her she felt the pain

she cried the tears and then she chose

to rise and she took the lesson learned

something from it she found something to

spark the joy you know she was the queen

of finding the silver lining and I think

there's there's always gonna be fun in

anything that I do and and I there's a

beautiful Maya Angelou quotes and she

just says and still I rise and I think

that would be the title of the book

because I just think you know that life

is tough but then so am I you are that's

very very powerful thank you for sharing

that and just before we close the show I

just want the listeners to be able to

reach out to you if that's okay I know

you're busy and you're probably juggling

loads of things but I think

it'd be worth people following the

movement maybe maybe they can support as

well so I normally ask my guests to

leave one place but I think because you

do such a wonderful thing and it's you

know it's gonna serve the community

you're welcome to give as many plugins

as you as you wish okay lovely so the

the easiest one would be my Instagram

account and that's thrive bet so that's

one LinkedIn please follow me on

LinkedIn and please if you can introduce

me to your to your businesses or

somebody that can just come in and hold

that space and allow you to thrive and

that would be amazing the other thing

that I really did want to mention with

if anyone's heard of Simon Thompson who

is a lady that had her Instagram account

is free in cancer and she's permanently

going through a stage 4 lung cancer

diagnosis at a very young age so I think

she's just turned 30 and Simon has set

up a Facebook page baam e for cancer and

I think it is just about uniting the

ethnic communities so that we do start

talking about cancer and we you know we

open the debate we have the debate and

we start sharing a lot more so it's just

it's a supportive little community just

to hold that space for each other as we

navigate through and yeah and please

follow primer as well she's doing some

amazing work that's fantastic and what I

will do is I'll probably get those off

you so I can put them all in the show

notes just sort of anything you know for

anyone to reach out to you and also to

that Facebook page as well because I

think that's a really really important

thing I want to once again thank

everyone for listening and more

importantly I really want to thank you

for your bravery and your openness to

share your story and inspire many people

and thanks for taking time out of your

day and there's always people thanks for

listening well my pleasure and thanks

and remember this podcast is at

we free so all we ask in return is for

you to share this with a friend and drop

us a five star review over on iTunes

have an awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sexuality, Happiness and being true to yourself #13

Mon, 18 Mar 2019 04:55:00 GMT

Title: Sexuality, happiness and being true to yourself #13

Tagline “I dont want it to define me. I don’t think anyone should let it define them in life. I don’t want it to be oh yeah Nick Hall who’s gay” ...

Nick Hall, is a successful individual who has had a very colourful career which has seen him start and sell businesses whilst finding his own true happiness.

Overcoming and understanding himself growing up, Nick talks about his sexuality and how he embraced that and found true happiness in his life.

A fascinating individual, who sees the world in a unique and great way! A keen eye for property too, Nick has also made his own homes under the hammer renovations along with helping me personally in my own property ventures.

Follow it below:

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/find-your-voice/id1448344412?mt=2

Links to guest:

Instagram: https://instagram.com/nickhall__?utm_source=ig_profile_share&igshid=1uht7lflaoyc9

#FindYourVoice & #JustDeuIt

Apple podcast app:

Stitcher:

https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/aren-deu/find-your-voice

Spotify:

https://open.spotify.com/show/3EYhA7LvSu8vi3sTL07GGs

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren do the

host of this show so I am extremely

excited to bring my guest onto the show

today because it's somebody who's going

to be sharing a very very sensitive

subject and it's a subject that's going

to relate to many people out there

whether you're experiencing it yourself

or whether it's one of your friends or

family now the beautiful thing is not

just the story and the person behind the

story who is a fascinating character and

doing incredible things in the world

and really kind of found his own voice I

suppose it's how actually met him now I

am a firm believer in trying to find

positives in every situation that you're

in because it's so easy to often

exaggerate the problems and the

obstacles that were going through and

I'd say in my career as a property

investor my probably most stressful 2 or

3 months was when I met this individual

and the only silver lining I had within

those two or three months was my

relationship with this individual now

Nick

managed to help me sell my nightmare

house and he did it with brilliant

customer service to the point that we

actually built a rapport and Nick

reached out recently and we kind of had

conversations back and forth and I just

thought his story is fantastic it's also

different to any of the other stories

that we've had on this show so hopefully

you guys resonate with it

I am confident you're gonna find he's

honesty and he's courage commendable so

I'm gonna leave it there and we're gonna

jump straight into this episode I find

your voice okay so I'd just like to

welcome Nick to the show today so thank

you Nick for coming on

and sharing your story how are you doing

today I'm great

thanks for having me Irene it's an

absolute honor to echo and support you

with this

you're very welcome thank you as well so

I think it's important before we start

to obviously give the listeners a little

bit of insight in relation to who dig

hole is so if you wouldn't mind if you

could just kind of give the listeners

and myself actually a little bit about

yourself how you progress through life

and kind of ended up where you are today

yeah of course

so when terms of who I am what I do so

background I suppose starting from sort

of where I grew up so I've grown up in

sort of a relatively middle-class

environment in a in a village so to say

on the edge of stoke-on-trent so just

into the stuffs Moreland's

m and most recently I'm working in

telecoms that are do some bits of

business on the side so I'll go back and

talk to you about what I've done in

detail to get me from there to where I

am today so the sort of environment that

I grew up in I would say is very

traditional so here you you standard

Church of England school the lads play

football and the girls play netball and

I I didn't do either of those so I

didn't fit in but I didn't conform to

their to the norm so to say and then

after school and I came out with

relatively I would say a ver Ajay mean I

passed all my subjects at GCSE level

grade C or above progressed onto to

college straight after school and then

absolutely hated it again just didn't

feel like I fitted in so I took a year

out and when it did some hard work for

you and worked in a supermarket and quit

and then produce Department lumbering

sacks of potatoes around and I actually

talking about the value of the pound

yeah

actually worked with money in the real

world so quite quickly realized that I

wanted to go

to education and from there went in

study Business Studies a level and then

went on to university em that didn't

actually move away when I went to

university state local at staffs

probably didn't have the confidence to

to go and live outside of the area and

then after University I got offered I

did the Graduate scheme and I was still

working for Maury supermarkets at the

time I did their grad scheme and got

offered a role at their HQ in Bradford

and didn't go for it cuz he didn't pay

enough money basically and then I got

offered a job locally working for

phones4u which is owned by their John

Caldwell though I'm sure everyone in

business net was a billionaire now went

into work for this organization and

there was something just magical about

the culture I went in as a trainee

salesperson and they they taught me

everything I know about sales and I've

sort of progressed through telecoms in

the sales environment done various roles

sales management head of sales

got extremely stressed doing the head of

sales were all under 30 and decided that

I wanted to take a bit of a step back

and then I'm now working in one of the

biggest telecom providers in the UK and

I'm doing a less less senior role buddy

it sort of gives me the flexibility to

do stuff outside I could work as well

and I suppose that's coming on to what I

also do as well and outside of work I'm

I'm really passionate about property

stems from probably the first house that

I bought where the position that I was

in was the idea I was forced it didn't

have the money to to buy a decent

property so out to buy something that

was rundown and they've got the Bob bug

for sort of development renovation from

their doing I've done various properties

now to the point where I am where am I

live in and in a in a relatively decent

house they want a big

probably doing about 5 refurbishments

and renovations that have enabled me to

live in the property that I live in now

on a bill up a nice little equity part

as well last year for the last year or

two I had an estate agents business as

well I started up on the side and the

aim with that was to to hopefully get

out of than the nine-to-five job that

I'm doing and again learned a massive

lesson from that because I realized how

hard you actually have to work to where

to win in your own business absolutely

yeah and to be honest it wasn't easy and

it wasn't going to be easy and I wasn't

gonna become a millionaire any time soon

or even overnight or any time in the

next few years from that so I had an

opportunity to sell the business which

it did do at the end of last year and

have come become career focused again

this year I'm not going to say it's

gonna be a real long term strategy but

I've just taken on a new role that gives

me something to really get my teeth into

and then the property thing they'll

always bubble along the side and

personal that's interesting because then

it was actually property where where you

and I actually met and I could tell your

sales experience obviously came in

because you were able to sell what I

consider my nightmare house which I

couldn't get rid of and and you sold it

pretty quickly because mate that has

caused me more stress than anything and

in relation to your renovations as well

for anyone that's on Facebook I've seen

some of your your renovations your

kitchens especially and then they look

absolutely fab so you've obviously got a

knack for it there something I wish I

had when I first started renovating

myself and I just want to touch on

something so you said you always kind of

never thought you could be fitted in and

you mentioned the whole zero typical

boys play football the girls play

netball and then later on you touch the

game that you didn't have the confidence

to perhaps maybe move out of your

university is there a particular reason

in relation to that or was it just like

anxiety I mean what was

what was that feeling where you're

saying you didn't feel you fitted in

because I'm pretty sure there's people

listening to this now you might have had

that same situation yeah I mean looking

back now I was because I'm gay and I

obviously always knew that there was

something different about me but I

wasn't him

experienced mature I suppose they're the

best way he's supportive and I wasn't

experienced or mature enough to

understand what that meant for me so I

always do that I mean don't get me wrong

I don't have not gone through life being

an outcast or anything like what I have

those environments always just sort of

felt like I didn't feel like a hundred

percent you know why okay just felt

different I supposed yeah mmm okay

that's interesting I mean if you

wouldn't mind if I just asked a little

bit about that yeah cause I'm certain

there's thousands of people out there

who probably won't be the same situation

when you're thinking why am i feeling

different to perhaps what people would

consider the general consensus what

advice would you give to somebody like

that I mean was it something that you

were able to kind of come out with

straight away or is it something that

you kind of held in there I think you

are and don't get me wrong I do even in

from our generation to today I do

believe times have changed a little bit

but there's always a stereotype of which

you are forced to live by or expected to

live by I won't say forced I'll say

expected to live by yeah and I think

that mentality comes to the front even

more sevens in sort of small village

environment something in the area that I

grew up in it was a case of as I said

the boys play football the girls play

netball and this kind of if you didn't

do either you a bit weird you are or

you're not conforming to the norm so I

think if I'm if there's anybody who's in

that position and you feel like you

don't fit in it's a bit cliche but don't

be afraid to be different because

some people are born to stand out and

you need to sort of you need to

recognize that and stand up to it and do

the things that give you the confidence

to do that I love that I think I think

you just hit great note there don't be

afraid to be different because even for

myself from my experience you grow up

always trying to fit in it's kind of

like because you want to be part of the

maybe the popular gang were just where

it's safe I suppose because nobody wants

to get bullied everyone wants to have

relationships yeah I find myself now as

an adult trying almost not to fit in in

terms of bringing my own authenticity to

the marketplace to my branding and

everything else so it's just funny how

the world works and I think I'm not sure

if you I can you mentioned like at that

age your intelligence as a child and

stuff is probably different when you

grow up and you realize what's actually

important here and the most important

thing for me and I'm sure you probably

agree to some extent is how we view

ourselves I think that's the most

important thing yeah 100% and that age

you don't want to be picked out of the

crowd and at the point that we a minute

live in life now it's almost that we

don't necessarily want to stand out but

I feel myself that it's good to be

different and to have your own personal

brand and to be true to yourself who you

are then that that gives you a sense of

fulfillment

I suppose is the best way to put it I

think I think you're right maybe it

gives you authentically as well in the

world where everyone's trying to but

this persona of who they are or the day

that they live in somebody who's just

refreshingly themselves every single day

whether it's good bad or whatever it is

I just find that I just find that nice

and I think the world would benefit more

from people just not trying to put a

mask on because I don't know about you

but I find it hard enough just trying to

manage my own life rather than trying to

be somebody else for the public it's

it's just an energy drain so no I

appreciate that can I just ask one more

question on that if you wouldn't mind

yeah yeah so you've come from a small

village now I'm using my stereotypical

background as well so I'm I'm Indian and

we come from a community where everyone

knows everyone's business so when you do

something that it

doesn't gold with the norm so for

example if I use myself I got married

out of religion now I'm not a religious

person and anyone that knows me knows I

don't really follow religion so when I

did that it was it was a massive massive

thing again it was difficult I had

sleepless nights before and again it was

more about what are people going to

think and what is going to bring to my

family did you ever experience any sort

of controversy or adversity in relation

to you perhaps coming out or was your

family and your community very

supportive of yourself yeah I think the

worst part by far is the fear of coming

out than the actual coming out itself

yeah because for me I didn't really have

to come out I didn't have to stand on a

platform and announce it and I didn't

feel that that was the right way for me

to do it anyway that just it that didn't

happen for me it happened naturally okay

I came to a point in my life where I was

comfortable 100% comfortable with who I

am and I had the confidence to be myself

and what that meant was it some people

knew to be honest and and some people

didn't know I lost friends over it

people just stopped talking to me I

think and it genuinely sat here today it

doesn't hurt me one bit because I know

that it was just meant to be yeah

absolutely and again I just want to

implore anyone who is listening who may

be going through a situation whether it

is about this sexuality or whether it is

about anything else whether you consider

yourself different to really kind of I

suppose Jesus said than done as an adult

but really try and overcome that fear

because you touched on something that

the fear of it is actually worse than

the actual experience itself and I've

had to overcome and do things that I've

always been afraid of prior to the

actual decision and a bit like what you

just said there's as soon as you make

that decision it's actually not as bad

as you'd initially thought so I would

always tell people if they can you know

maybe adopt a mount

robbins approach which is kind of like

she counts backwards from five four

three two one and then all of a sudden

beam whatever's in

that she wants to say she says it I

think life's too short for us to kind of

live in fear of judgment and other

things I'm not sure if you agree with

that 100% and I think the in terms of

the people out there who might be

feeling like I genuinely would be happy

to speak to anyone who who feels that

they're in that situation and and talked

to them about my experience in more

detail if it helps them sort of progress

towards where they want to be I'll be

more than happy to do that that's

fantastic

I'm sure they'll appreciate that and

obviously at the end of the show we'll

put all your show notes and how they can

contact you so prepare yourself mate

hopefully if the episode goes well

you're gonna get an influence of the

direct messages but no I think somebody

who's been through something that

they'll just be able to give so much

better advice rather than just picking

up a book or reading a post online so

thank you for your handout yeah and it

is difficult because if you're in a

position where you are afraid of of

admitting something to the outside world

then some people will challenge you on

it sometimes and they will offer to talk

to you about it you've got to be ready

to talk yourself so if ever if ever

somebody needs that yeah then I'd be

more than happy to do that thank you

thank you Nick brilliant okay so I want

to just switch the conversation just

ever so slightly in relation to your

work and stuff so you've you've mastered

homes under the hammer a lot better than

I have and you've got yourself some

sales experience you're now in the new

role which you're thriving off I'm just

curious to know and I'm always

fascinated by people who are doing

different things or people who I

consider successful and I've considered

success as a sort of you doing what you

want to do for yourself and it's

basically you're making your own

decisions in terms of moving forward and

progressing on a daily basis so if you

could just kind of give us a day in the

life of Nicole from say for instance the

moment you wake up if you've got any

particular habits or traits that you

think maybe could help other people if

they wanted to kind of replicate your

success up until now

yeah I mean I definitely don't consider

myself hugely successful and it's an

honour for you to even put me in that

bracket

just quite normal to be honest okay but

I mean I'm definitely an early riser I'm

somebody who likes to get up early I

love to see the Sun Rise morning and not

so much in the summer when it's really

rising it hot this time of year when the

sun's rising and just before 7:00 a.m.

it's nice to just get up and go and sit

in my kitchen and I've got some great

views and we catch the Sun eise's and

just sit and have a cup of coffee and

just reflect at that time in the morning

and whether it be just catching up on

the news doing some banking at any sort

of admin that's gonna give me a great

spot today I really do enjoy sort of

having that foundation to the day to be

honest after that point I feel like I

should be exercising and I'm moved house

last August and I've moved probably

about 20 miles away from where you used

to live and I'm in a village which is

pretty much in the middle of nowhere

right the nearest gym is 14 miles away

so I'm struggling to find that

motivation to exercise at the moment

because I'm not near a gym I never can

actually go out and go and walk and run

and things like Apple with the with the

winter as it's been not the opportunity

to do that so a key thing for me that I

want to focus on in this year it is

exercise and fitting that back into my

routine because that would be great to

do that at that point and then in terms

of moving on from there I mean I

generally just would move into what is a

pretty normal working day to my day is

made up of meetings pretty much all over

the UK because to work for a

multinational business and I might be

working from home or I could be in

Edinburgh or London so I can have a day

that starts at 5:00 a.m. oh I've got to

go and catch a flight or train or I can

have a nice relaxed day where I'm

getting offered sort of the time that I

said and then sitting in just a night or

five from the kitchen table if it is

that I'm not actually working then

ideally for me every traveling okay a

lot of miles and the continent in the

turbulent yeah yeah yeah job yeah do you

listen to any audio balls or podcasts or

anything like that always it just

literally music on the road I'm a visual

person so for me I rather than I mean

I've I've always tried to read and I

just find it so difficult to put my not

put my time to sit and absorb a book so

I'm visual so for me I'm a documentary

sort of person okay I've watched

probably every documentary going on

Netflix on every topic possible so I

would if there's something that I'm

interested in I find it far easier to

watch a documentary on it rather than to

read a book on it okay that's

interesting I can't read myself to be

honest I use audio book for everything

similar to yourself

ie well I used to be on the road a lot

so for me it was kind of an opportunity

I supposed to kind of kill two birds

with one stone I'd always listen to

audiobooks I do need to get on the

Netflix documentaries I heard there's

some fascinating ones but I just wanna

quickly touch on something there so

you've got some traits there so the

whole reflection and the early rising

that's quite common amongst people who

are trying to do more in life there is

one thing I want to do a little

shameless plug on is the exercise bit so

I'm a massive massive advocate that we

should always prioritize our health

before everything and when I say how if

I don't just mean your physical house I

mean your mental health as well but yeah

you've said something there and this is

just my advice as a friend is the gym is

far away well mate if you go on my

youtube channel I have some videos which

will tell you how to work out from the

comfort of your own home so I want to

see you doing those I'm gonna see you in

star jumps in your next post yeah and as

I said make that a hundred percent is a

target of mine for 2019 and the mean

talking about mindset as well I find

setting personal towards a great way to

motivate myself I mean when I set up the

business that said at the beginning the

year target for me this years to set up

a business alongside work and estate

agents evolved from and then this this

is my target for this year to get back

to fitness again fantastic just in

relation to the business one have you

ever set up a business before or is that

you you set yourself a target and a boom

you just went out and figured it out yes

and literally do the estate agent are

set up from scratch I just came up with

the concept the Brandon sat down with a

graphic designer who bought it all to

lie for me but I came up with a concept

that was completely unique and then you

in the UK no other estate agent in the

country was doing it and that was for

the client to be able to choose the

estate agent board that sits outside the

property the color of it yeah and and

that was extremely successful and it was

a huge USP for the business and in a

market that is so saturated yeah exactly

saturated it was a USP and something

that stood me above the competition it

was something that had started online

started out the spare bedroom at my old

property and and grew it to a position

that it was a business that could be

sold on that's fascinating to me because

you're you'll meet many people and if

people just sit here today and think

about the times in the last seven days

but somebody's told them about a

business idea or they want to do this or

they want to become this and then

actually see whether they go and follow

that through it's very very slim that

those people do it so for me obviously

business my staff now I find it very

very difficult there's a lot there's a

lot of cogs to it and I think you

touched on it earlier that in terms of

making the same money that you're making

you notified there's a hell of a lot

more hard work involved so for you to be

able to do that on this side one it kind

of I always think if people have got an

excuse they haven't because if they

listen to you now you know you're

working full-time and you set yourself

up a successful business which I just

find that really inspiring and would you

have any tips for anyone is it just

literally google it because I would say

google it everything's on Google get out

there Network speak to people is that

kind of your best approach yeah a

hundred percent I mean definitely I

agree that everything's on Google now

you've just gotta go out I mean for me

there was something inside me telling me

that I needed to do to do something to

fulfill me over and above what I was

getting from my nine till five at the

time so I I am quite a visual person as

I've said so I sat and you my maps I was

like what are the potential ideas for a

business that the it could give me what

I want so I came up with the sort of

events business came up with the estate

agents I came up with a recruitment

business and everything just brought me

back to a state agency because of the

passion that I've got on the side

property property so from there I just I

went and so what I wanted to do is

understand what do you need to do to set

up a successful estate agent so the

first thing is I needed to get qualified

as an estate agent so I had to go and do

the qualifications alongside work set

myself up as a director of a limited

company and and just brought to life the

the concept that had come up with him

surround yourself with a successful team

and for me that was having a really good

graphic designer

bring all the concepts to life and then

the subcontractors who work for the

business as well so I was pride in

myself on photography particularly so I

went out and I found I found the best

photographer in the local area had to

pay more to do that but when there was a

buzz created about the business the

photography was one of the things that

people were talking about fantastic

that's brilliant I think there's a

blueprint they obviously for people who

may have something inside them which

makes them want to maybe go out there

and do a business and you just touched

on a point which is something that I

always tell everyone is surround

yourself with a successful team because

you can't do anything alone in this

world especially if you're trying to get

rid of your 9 to 5 so I always try and

do that I always try and I know it's a

cliche but I was try and surround myself

with people who are cleverer than me you

have done more than me because that way

it kind of forces me to grow it keeps me

accountable as well and at the same time

I'm learning as opposed to you kind of

be in the cleverest in the room a

hundred percent and the thing the thing

is it massively surround yourself by

people who motivate you to better the

position that you're in and just just

one point on what you were saying about

the successful team is having the

ability or the experience to to

recognize that team and to be able to

select the team as well because it's

easy to go out there

and for example get a photographer but

without understanding their background

in their experience and where they've

been successful it's difficult to know

whether to bring them into your team or

not

I think trades people is a perfect

example and what we experienced with you

on the property that I was like yeah

there's so many Cowboys out there and so

many people who are not performing as

they should do I think I think they're

all just kind of playing the small game

and so for me it's if I was a tradesman

and this is just my trail of thought is

if I'm gonna work with someone if worst

case scenario that the projects going a

little bit tits up which they sometimes

do and it could be of through no fault

of anybody's I would still try and

continue to over-deliver because then

you've got more chance of repeat

business and what I tend to see is

people will happily exploit people for a

quick dollar that that month or that

week just to kind of maybe pay for their

bills and so they can go drinking on the

weekend and then all of a sudden

somebody's losing out there whether it's

repeat business or whether it's the

customer or something and yeah and that

reputation so building a reputation

again is another key element of it

because if you go out and and you rip

someone off on day one you're never

gonna get to day 100 absolutely great

just like that not actually just be from

a shift gears a little bit I have

finally managed to find a good build and

a good trades team and I'm actually what

I've actually done is similar to you

don't let go of him may I haven't so

what I did is I set up a business and I

became business partners with him

because I was like listen I need to keep

you here one because I trust you in your

works fantastic you can do this side of

it what I do is I use my whole branding

and my project management experience to

kind of get the clients in so we kind of

work hand in hand but mate I've had to

get so many bad frogs but yeah I'm not

gonna let go now and in property that

that's the perfect mix it's great for

somebody like yourself who's got a huge

amount of experience and in marketing to

partner up with somebody who's got the

skills in the experience on the

technical side of it absolutely together

you've created that perfect team

absolutely I'm grateful now for where

I'm I suppose I'm so grateful for all

the lessons because if I hadn't have

gone through what I did I wouldn't be

where I am today at the same time I

wouldn't even be speaking to yourself so

you know

everything happens for a reason I'm a

firm believer of that exactly I mean if

I hadn't done what I'd done on the side

and you had done what you're doing we

would never have cross paths absolutely

made so I'm grateful for all my

experiences it's obvious now then so

you've had a very colorful life we lines

ups and downs and you've done quite a

bit actually a little bit like myself I

always think I've managed to cram so

much in so quickly so yeah you could

tell us of a recent adversity that

you've been through and then what's your

approach when you're up against an

obstacle how do you deal with it what

lessons have you learned from it yes so

in terms of adversity we've definitely

already taught sunny during this

conversation and and for me it is the

fact that I'm gay and that was a huge

point for me in my life and it's it's

the most amount of adversity I've ever

faced and I'll say that hands down and

so it's never easy for me to talk about

this but I genuinely believe that my

life didn't start to come together until

I admitted to myself who I really was

and after that point I found the friends

they were feel comfortable around and I

found a partner I progressed financially

and that for me was was the point in

life so now I've got over that I don't

feel as though there's any adversity or

if I do come across adversity it just

doesn't feel it doesn't feel like you've

kind of been treated I suppose the

biggest challenge of your life yeah

quinta percent of me exchanged when I

looked back because it's like looking

back at a different pace and then it was

some money I was trying to be someone

who I wasn't at the end of the day and

so I take responsibility for that but

genuinely I think that society does play

a part and that as well absolutely as

I've said we're supposed to act in a

certain way we're supposed to be a

certain type of person and I was made to

feel that being gay was wrong and it

made me feel like

of a person to be honest and it and

that's what drove me to not want to be

that person it's so sad isn't it how

society and I think it is it is a

society problem that we can discriminate

or prejudiced against certain types of

people or people who are different to

ourselves and make them feel so bad

because although you get groups and you

get cliques and stuff nobody's really

looking at the individual that you're

segregating and what the effect is

having to them and this is kind of

something I learned in my um when I went

back to study social workers and masters

because my four of my siblings come from

the care system I sin then be

discriminated against in terms of

they've come into our family we've tried

to put them in extracurricular

activities we tried to take it to

football games and stuff and when one's

got autism and then one's got learning

difficulties and one is a displaying the

level of intelligence that person should

display at that age according to the

school curriculum it's it's sad to see

them just get put to the side or brushed

off and it's it's something I don't

think the solution for right now but I

think if you can create more awareness

just just for people just to have a bit

of compassion I suppose for hope for

people and just think listen everyone's

trying to do the best that they can in

whatever moment they're they're in and

nobody wants to feel like an outcast

normally wants to feel different we're

all we've all got unique abilities

within ourselves and we're all all got

our own gift and I just wish the world

could just be a bit more sympathetic

towards each other to be honest 100

percent and I think talking about it is

is awareness in itself and I mean that

is something that I could carry with me

and let affect me mentally I just don't

I consider myself to be a strong person

mentally and I just choose to not let it

impact the rest of my life it's

something that happened and it's

something that will not affect me for

the future and I think choose to make it

a part of your strengths because what

you what you're going to do even just by

sharing the story which I'm very

grateful for you doing you're gonna

inspire and give other people the

courage that listen it's okay it's okay

in general I mean like Nick's doing fine

now there's millions

other people doing fine now and it's not

as bad as you probably think it is at

this at this point in time so yeah I

mean I I don't want it to define me in

life and I don't think anyone should let

it define them in life I want my life to

be defined by either a successful career

or a successful business I don't want it

to be oh yeah Nick Hall who's gay I want

it to be he's a great businessman or a

great person and I mean I would judge

you it's just myself just under I'm the

character in the person that you are

similar to myself I I don't want to be

judged as a particular thing it doesn't

define you that's that's that's probably

the right way of me yeah exactly thank

you so you've obviously then overcame

your biggest fear now and we've spoken

about you coming out and realizing that

you were gay and you you that's

something now you're you're very

comfortable with other than that what

would be your next biggest fear and it

could be anything it could be spiders it

could be snakes for what else kind of

scares you right now yeah something that

genuinely scares me is not being

financially secure later in life I think

that our generation are in a strange

position financially I mean our parents

generally have or will retire on

probably final salary pensions with a

decent state pension at a relatively

young age in terms of retirement to say

young innovative compiz our generation

we're going to need to work until were

70 we're going to have very very small

pensions in comparison that worries me

because I don't want to work until I'm

70 for a start and I don't want to live

on a hundred pounds a week so it's

something that scares me massively

but I use it to motivate me because for

me I want financial security because I

want to enjoy my life effectively that's

it yeah fair answer I think I think we

all need to need to be mindful of what

we're doing for the future which is one

of the reasons actually that I got into

property

to create that kind of wealth in the

future so everything I've done at least

in my first few years a property was

called wealth creation so I thought for

a rainy day I've got a portfolio of

properties that will keep me ticking

over and now obviously now I'm trying to

work on the whole cash flow element in

order to kind of live the life that

myself and my wife want to live so I

think that's a good point and you

actually just answered my next question

I was gonna ask you which was about

motivation and I'm always eager to see

what keeps people more of a motivation

for me it's kind of like I see it like a

hit of caffeine I think you have some

caffeine you're on a high for a bit and

then all of a sudden you can use it so

if we just alter that very slightly what

kind of drives you maybe a little bit

deeper like you what inspires you what

makes you do the things that you do on

the days but you don't feel like doing

them I think weekends or a good example

I mean it's easy to say what gets you

out of bed from Monday to Friday it's a

paycheck what gets me out of bed on a

weekend for me at the moment what's

getting me out of bed at the weekend is

working on this property that I'm

currently living in so I've got a list

of jobs as long as my arm there if I

don't get up on a Saturday morning and

do them then they're not going to happen

or I'm gonna have to pay trades people

to come in and do them so I'm enjoying

doing a bit of painting at weekends at

the moment obviously the motivation and

that is that that's going to invest in

this property and eventually will

increase its value so it's probably

financially motivated that's fantastic

yeah great answer mate okay so there

we've heard it the buzzer has just gone

off and we are now at the front part of

this show and this is a part where I put

Nick through his paces and I ask him as

many random questions as I can fit in

over the next 60 seconds so Nick are you

ready I think so you'll be fine mate

okay we're going to start in three two

one what is your favorite documentary

and at the moment the fire documentary

that I've just what

or Netflix about the fire festival

whatever one what did you regret this I

haven't eaten any breakfast yup the

ability to fly it or be invisible fly

definitely money or fame money your

biggest achievement today living in the

house that I live in after starting off

and asleep on to internment 2touchpos

your favorite food

chorong net picture youtube in that

place your number one goal this year to

get fit again favorite TV show ever can

I say film yeah but I'm gonna say film

and one that I watched for the day lion

would you rather know how you were died

or where you were going when definitely

love or money

well books or movies movie you could sit

with one person in the world for an hour

who would it be

Donald Trump what is this what is your

biggest addiction sugar your favorite

place in the world Vegas and finally if

you could have polished one thing in the

world what would it be terrorism

fantastic how did you find that

yeah good in relation to the fire one I

just find that so fascinating the way

the guy was the ultimate blogger the

thing is though is he could very easily

and pulled that off and he would you

know that case that he is that's so true

that's so true

ok so we're almost at the end this show

we just got a couple of more questions

left my next one's on reflection and we

all know hindsight's a wonderful thing

it teaches us so many things ie how we

can get to places quicker easier or less

heartache at the same time I'm also a

very very firm believer that the journey

teaches us so much and I've got a real

belief that everything happens for a

reason so what I want to know is if you

could go back in time to that one moment

where you really struggled and suffered

with adversity and just be able to

whisper something in your ear knowing

what you know now with all the lessons

life has taught you what would you tell

yourself we talked about quite a bit in

during the show and that's the fact that

I'm gaining obviously have been for a

long time so it would be a case of me

going back to the old me so today it

just did some reassurance until we even

almost give him a glimpse into the

future that utterly no one cares

probably do care

but no one really gives a shit no one

worthwhile kiss yeah mmm I love done

mate thank you thanks for sharing that

and suddenly we are now at the last

question and the last question are

always like to ask my guess is if in 150

years time science fails to save us all

and all that is left is a book and that

book is a book about Nick and it's about

everything that Nick's done or the

fascinating wonderful things I want to

know is in this book what would firstly

the title be and secondly what would be

summary at the back tell us about

yourself I suppose a great title would

be how to be true to yourself and the

blurb would be about discovering the

things that make you happy in life and

what makes you tick and and and living

those in in your daily life okay good

stuff so just before I close the show

what I want to do is give you a chance

to let the audience know where they can

reach you or where they can contact you

and obviously then that will give the

audience a chance to really maybe

connect with you whether it's in

relation to property or you as a person

or your business or sales or whatever is

really and hopefully if they're resonate

with it maybe you can potentially help

them in some way so what's the best

place is that people can find you I

would say Instagram is the best place to

get in touch with me because it's so

interactive so my Instagram account is

at Nick Hall underscore underscore but

I'll let you put it on absolutely I'll

put in the show notes as well yeah and

Facebook LinkedIn any of those or hey

I'm on LinkedIn as well

welcome to connect with me that's more

geared towards my 9 to 5 but of course

welcome to get in touch with me on that

okay and then Facebook and I keep pretty

private to be honest so if not at the

moment I've just got a family in front

on that that's fine that's fine not a

problem that's brilliant I just want to

say once again Nick thank you so much

for your time

for you to share this story as well I'm

sure it's gonna help many many people

it's certainly given me more insight

about yourself as well I mean we've

known each other for a while now and are

you a lot more so I just wanna say thank

you to yourself and to the listeners at

home thanks for listening yeah thanks

for having me right and remember this

podcast is absolutely free so all we ask

in return is for you to share this with

a friend and drop us a five star review

over on iTunes have an awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to achieve your dreams as a single parent #12

Mon, 11 Mar 2019 05:55:30 GMT

Find your voice - Episode 12 - How to achieve your dreams as a single parent #12

Tagline: "Never give up and keep striving for what you deserve" Donna Marie Pegg

Donna is a single parent who has overcome depression. She is an entrepreneur, a property investor....oh and a police officer during her day job too!

You see she could have every excuse under the sun, as to why she is unable to achieve financial freedom and live life in accordance to her dreams, YET she chooses not to.

She chooses to make the best use of her time, eradicating her excuses and chasing what she truly desires.

For anyone who may have suffered from break-ups, relationship problems and found themselves working 2 or 3 jobs with a child, I hope you can take inspiration from Donna's story as she is living breathing proof that with the right mindset and action anything is possible.

I urge you to follow her story and journey further as this wonderful lady is going places!

Follow it below:

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Links to guest:

Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/compasspropertyinvestment/ (Property)

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/keepsakesbymadefrommemories/ (Business)

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/madefrommemoriesbears/ (Business)

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/compasspropertyinvestment/ (Property)

Website: www.madefrommemories.com

Email addresses:

Madefrommemories@hotmail.co.uk

Compasspropertyinvestment@hotmail.com

#JustDeuIt & #FindYourVoice

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now Aren

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren do what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aren and as always I am the

host of the show

so today's guest is somebody I would

consider a rising star and by that I

mean it's somebody who's really taken

the property world by storm in such a

short amount of time now for many of you

that know me I am actually a full time

property investor and it's kind of what

made me I suppose

financially free to allow me to do

passion projects like today but this

lady's not far off and I say watch this

space because she's gonna be somebody

who you're gonna be either working with

watching or perhaps just taking huge

amounts of inspiration from now the

reason I say that is because through our

interview and through conversations

offline I found out that this person was

also working was also working on the

side was also a single parent and had a

side business as well so for anyone out

there who thinks they can't do it or

they don't have enough time or work

stressful or their kids are playing up

well listen I don't want to hear it

don't hear your excuses and I'm sure

Donna who's I guess today doesn't want

to hear them either so without further

ado let's get this interview on the way

how are you doing today you're right

yeah I'm very well feeling very poised

up actually from good weekend fantastic

fantastic okay so if you could kind of

explain how you've progressed through

life and ended up where you are now in

your journey okay I've done quite a lot

in life actually a so I've done yeah

there's there's been quite a lot of

peaks and troughs I'm sure

like a lot of people so I had a very

good upbringing I was brought up with

money so my dad is a business he was

very business minded my mom was a

stay-at-home mom to three girls so I had

that whole business influence from my

dad and also the caring motherly role

quite a old-fashioned role really

because my dad went out to work and my

mom stayed at home and looked after his

full-time so it was nice to I think you

know that the importance of modeling and

everything and I had I had a very good

upbringing because you know like I said

I had the business aspect of my dad and

the drive and understanding the

importance of money which he was a big

believer in his understanding so we

worked from a very young age I was 30

when I had my first job yeah and I did

to be honest I didn't need to work

because we had a big house I had horses

we had land you know so I had an amazing

start in life but my dad came from a

very humble background and was like it's

important that you understand the value

of money and to go out to work so yeah I

started work when I was thirteen and my

own money

and I've worked ever since maybe that's

why I'm such a hard worker and and I

know that unless you put the grafting

you don't get the result sort of thing

so absolutely yeah so and and then I

stayed on at school so I was very

academic minded out of the three of us I

was the one the clever one the same

there's always one I can relate to that

yeah yeah yeah cuz you're the brainy one

as well apparently but I probably

disagree now I think my little sisters

taken that always taken over now so yeah

so I did I stayed at school did my

a-levels I did a BTech National Diploma

in art and design cuz that's the sort of

area was going down and then I went to

Newcastle and did a fashion marketing

degree for four years within that four

years at did a three-year and the three

years

were academic in university and then I

did a year within industry it was

classed as a sandwich course so jewelry

in that time I went and I design ladies

handbags for the high street yeah so I

used to that was my old rock my old

career I suppose I started designing

ladies handbags for the high street went

into designing and then I had a bit of a

moment in life are separated at a six

year relationship with my first love as

well they were met when I was 17 and

that massively affected me like I ended

up having depression and anxiety I mean

I stayed in bed mom bless mom mom she

had to come and get me out of bed

sometimes because it was just all for

coping with it

you know together six years and yeah had

a bit of a I don't know maybe a bit of a

life-changing moment and I was like this

got you know there's got to be more to

life than lying in bed crying over an

ex-boyfriend so I ended up going

travelling backpacking around Australia

on my own which was rather daunting he

finds herself in a country the other

side of the world on your own to kind of

find yourself yeah but it was the most

amazing thing is the freest I've ever

felt in my life you were in a country

you could go wherever you wanted

whenever you wanted and you weren't

restricted by time or money or anything

and it was it was absolutely amazing and

it I spent six months over there and I

actually were hosts I was over there

started applying for jobs because I

wanted to do extreme sports where design

that was a passion of mine I've always

been into surfing and snowboarding and

that was a great passion of mine so

basically I went over to have kind of a

holiday but I took again I think it's

always been about entrepreneurial yeah I

took a CD basically with my whole

portfolio that I generated at university

and a posted out or the major company so

Quicksilver Rip Curl Billabong and then

I got contacted I was on Fraser Island

doing a two-day trip a incredible place

and I had no internet because it was

just in the middle of nowhere and I had

a ping on my phone and it was a

voicemail from Quicksilver saying they

wanted to interview me and I was like

wow like what an opportunity that was

for designing designing extreme

sportswear so you know like all year

snowboard any surf hoodies and all of

that yeah that's what they do they're a

massive brand if you're into you some

kind of skate and surf wear so what an

opportunity so I went to Turkey where

they're based and I stayed there for a

week I went for an interview and they

offered me a position as a junior

designer fantastic but they they said to

me we basically want you to be able to

do all your CAD design so basically all

the things I drew they wanted me to be

able to do it on a computer so I was

like you know for me to then get the job

because it was all Illustrator based and

Photoshop based so yeah I basically ran

out of money anyway in Australia SCI had

to come home right yeah I'd done

everything I've gone from the bottom of

Australia like that's where the Twelve

Apostles are open book to Ken so I'd

done the whole of these coasts and so I

came home I did a CAD design course

passed the course and then I had a momen

again another maybe life-changing moment

what do I actually want out of life and

the thing is with the fashion industry

although it's amazing and it's so

inspiring the world of design it's very

pretentious as well and I'm a very open

bubbly person and always have been and I

was surrounded by a lot of people and it

was all about money what you owned

rather than who you were as a person

so maybe I went a little bit deep with

all of that and was like what could I do

that would make a difference yeah and

and then I saw Lester Constabulary were

recruiting for police officers yeah so

this was our 11 years ago 12 years 12

years ago now so I went along with my

mom to the event and it was amazing the

fact that you could do so many different

roles within one job and I did all the

application process and passed it got

really high level all the written and

the mathematical but I didn't get

through the interview I just didn't have

what it was necessary to get the

position so I kind of gave up which was

very unlike me because I definitely am

and I'm a bit like if somebody says no

to me mate it's me working honestly so

my coach at the time the person who

basically was doing all the application

process with us and making sure that we

knew what we needed to do to get to the

end goal which was to get the role as a

police officer she contacted me actually

and said do not give up you were amazing

real I think you have what it takes and

on that occasion you weren't successful

but you were up against a lot of people

who were like PCSOs

or special so they had more of a police

knowledge than I did because I had no no

friends in the police no family in the

police I had no idea what was involved

so yeah I basically transferred my

application to West Midlands Police and

because I'd done everything the only

thing I had to do for them was the

different fitness tests because they

have a different fitness test - Lester

and a passed that and so yeah my 11 year

service now with them oh wow I know I

don't even know how the time just

so I did well at school I wanted to do

well in my career I wanted to be a

business always had this dream being a

business woman and because yeah I mean I

because I'd hit on it a little bit so we

had Hall she's growing up so when I was

13 I was asked to ride for Great Britain

yeah so at 13 I got scouted so that was

something else I used to do as well on

the side of going to school yeah I am

so yeah dude horse riding when I was

younger and I got asked to ride for

Great Britain but I again had this

thought in my mind I want to be a career

woman I had friends at school you know

and I was I did I thought if I do that

it's going to stop my development in the

area that I want to go in right so I

never I never did that and again I think

that's because of the person that I am

like I'm always striving for something

so I did the university thing and

obviously because of my university and

then are separated from my ex of six

years I would then spend some time on my

own I spent two and a half years on my

own I think it was really really

important to find you as a person of

course so yeah I did a bit of

soul-searching I think during that time

and figuring out who I was and what I

wanted in life because I find in a

relationship when you spend a long time

together you just become a couple yeah

rather than an individual

yeah and I lost myself I didn't know who

I was anymore what I wanted so yeah I

then spent some time on my own joined

the police and then I met my most recent

ex who's my daughter's father and we

were together 10 years so yeah I didn't

have my daughter until I was nearly 30

right okay okay

so when my daughter was four months old

I then set a business or

so I was still a police officer but I

took maternity leave for 30 months to

bring her up and I set my business up so

keepsake company it's called made from

memories basically I make handmade

keepsake bears out of outgrown baby

clothes that's a fantastic idea yeah yes

so it's it's it's massively popular and

I've got a massive following now so I've

been doing it for six years and I also

make the some remembrance cushions out

of granddad shirts you know from family

members that have passed or teddy bears

out if I mean I get a lot of people like

they've lost their partner to cancer

I've done bears made out of soldier

uniforms because mum mums have lost

their son in war in Afghanistan so it's

honestly it's I love it I absolutely

sentimental is what it is and they're so

individual because obviously they're

made from the clothes belong to that

person that's lovely

aslam something else I've just learnt

from you as well oh oh like I said it

was always property and obviously we got

speaking that was that hard in a second

there's a fascinating story here and a

fascinating lady's doing all these

amazing things because we touched on it

prior to starting this interview with

them I want people who may may be in a

similar situation to yourself I been a

single parent having all these

aspirations and businesses on the side

to believe in themselves a little bit

more that they can go out and do so much

yeah I mean I don't know how you fit in

this in by the way I'm gonna ask you

that because we all only have 24 hours

in the day which is fascinating and

maybe it's it's probably something you

touched on earlier in your life where

you saw your dad the modeling aspect and

seeing how hard I suppose he were to

come from one more background to give

you and I think you've got two siblings

you mentioned I have two young younger

sisters

Trisha Harvey who's my mentor actually

in property who's an amazing individual

and she does real live coaching

and he's just I think maybe I mean I

went to MMI I don't know if you're

familiar with MMR them

mind intensive if it's all to do with

the P yes er Becca if you haven't done

it you should definitely go basically

they cover your money blueprint and how

you think about money and how you're

modeling from a child has affected the

decisions that you make regarding money

that's very interests and I went and

yeah I went and did that for three days

and a think I had a very very positive

idea of money and I think that's because

of my dad money was never negative like

they came out with comments like rich

people of greedy people you know like

all negative connotations towards money

and because I'd had such a positive

thought on wealth and money because my

dad God apart from my dad saying you

know wait till you get older how hard

you have to work for money yeah he did

everything was very positive around

money and business and working so yeah

babe maybe that's where it all started I

think so because I think I have probably

heard more negative connotations towards

money growing up and I suppose even

myself having come from humble

backgrounds you do hear those sayings

monies of you a whole evil and rich

people are greedy rich yeah growing up

and having to change my own mindset

which has been an absolute minefield

yeah you know through reading and

affirmations and stuff I think you don't

necessarily need to love money but you

need to at least understand the benefits

that it can give you so I think it's

fantastic that you had that from a young

age and obviously you'll be able to pass

that message on to your little one as

well

yeah well incredibly actually hitting on

Holly she I've been away for three days

in London and my sister's real life

property event and my mum had my

daughter so I came home on Sunday to

pick her up and we were talking about

the future and everything and my mum

said my daughter said that she's had

enough of school already

six sheshe loved school all about I

think cuz it's getting harder now

because she's getting old she said to

her Nana no no I don't I don't want to

be at school anymore

and my mom said to her Holly

well you've you've still got primary

school and high school to do you've got

a long time still in education and she

turned around so my mommy she says but

but Nana I'm going to do what my mommy

did yet she says mummys going to help me

build a portfolio of properties of so

that I don't have to stay in school and

that I can be a businesswoman just like

her fix I know I was like that's amazing

and then I sat down and I was explaining

summer mom about passive income and the

fact that I'm wanting to build up a

portfolio for Holly so that she's got

the choice of what she does so whether

she wants to work or set her own

business up or go traveling I said I

wanted to have the opportunity that

she's got the money coming through so

she can decide where her future lies

rather then you know life dictating to

her where she's going to be absolutely I

think you hit the nail on the head days

it's it's all about choices in it and

definitely if you can provide it with

that and I suppose that's kind of where

I'm looking at as well so similar to

yourself in terms of like children and I

want to kind of set my business up first

when I do choose to have kids I want

them at a very early age to had that

mindset that house just displayed there

yeah and to know that there are other

ways where you can if you use money the

right way especially through property

which you both understand give them that

message at an earlier age it's only

helped them well Erin you I mean from

what I've read of you and seen of you in

your YouTube videos and that you've

you've had a very similar sort of status

me because you've done several different

things and had to find where you were

and in fact you being a social worker

and me being a police officer it's all

about giving back is a hundred percent

absolutely and and you touched on it

earlier as always said like there's more

to life than money and stuff and that

was kind of the reason I gave up project

management and working for a great

London company

because I was like there's gotta be more

to life and that's kind of where I went

into the Social Work side

my only problem was I just realized the

impact I suppose I wanted to have in

Social Work I was unable to give and

that's the same as the place because

what I I joined to make a difference but

because of legality is and the

government and the the yeah the

restrictions of court and everything I

although I want to make that impact I

can't make that impact because this

restrictions stopping me I suppose

that's probably the reason you then

chose to go through property yes

well property's always been one of these

I was one of these who sat for hours

watching and and I've always loved

property in the excitement of you know

having having a dirty stone and making

it into a diamond sort of thing yeah you

know buy and also again my mission is to

make affordable housing to a high

quality standard and made every house a

home I mean my company compass in

property investment is all about giving

people the right direction and making

every house a home whether it's for a

temporary accommodation until they find

their forever home whether it's their

first home that they're buying as a

couple or whether I'm providing a

forever home for them it's just giving

them that feeling of being at home I

think I think I'm as a student and also

my professional life I've rented and you

know these rooms in houses or you know a

single-layer if you you don't abide to

let just never feel at home and that's

important to me in my portfolio is to

create houses that feel like home Joel

at home that's a lovely message and I

think I think everyone wants that dawn

there really I mean I try and do that

with my tenants as well ways I try and

let them use it as their home so if they

want to decorate they want to do stuff

that's absolutely fine by me because he

is about creating that home because let

you said we know what it's like

have that feeling of coming home as

opposed to just staying somewhere where

you think this is just a temporary

measure and I think it's important you

know with regards to keeping your

tenants as well because if you provide

such an amazing environment for them

they're safe and clean and tidy if they

want to stay there because it does feel

like home absolutely yeah I mean I've

had no change obvious

touchwood so fingers crossed it stays

like that but yeah I just love that

message behind what you're trying to do

in property so I need to ask you now

because obviously we've touched on all

these amazing things you're doing I'm

sure you probably miss some stuff out as

well what's your what's your what's your

daily routine like then so being a

single mother getting into property and

I've seen some of your cracking deals

that you've got lined up now working in

the police force as well you're into

health and fitness which you haven't

mentioned but I know that from stalking

your profile so what other things are

you doing and what what's the kind of

day in the life like for you oh my my

days are absolutely crazy

I can imagine I'm not gonna lie it they

it is bedlam because I obviously split

with my ex a couple of years ago so he

has my daughter a few days a week which

also allows me to have some time to get

things done I only work part-time in the

police now so I work Monday Tuesday

Wednesday every week and I then have my

business my keepsake business however

since I went to MMI and looked at my

business and growing the business and

coming out of the business because the

problem with me at the moment is I'm in

everything and I've now now I've come

down this mindset journey and going into

property and with my mentoring and

coaching with Trisha I've now realized

that I need to come now I've set things

up and they're going really well and

I've built up a massive client base I

need to come out of it because my time

is precious and if I invest all my time

in one thing I can't do anything else so

I've actually recently taken on two

ladies that I'm going to train up to

make my keepsakes

that's going to be basically handed over

to them and then I will just manage it

which is then going to free up some time

to do more on the property side which

I've just started but like you hit on

Aren of you know I've already got two

deals and they're big projects the like

eight bed HMOs that I'm also juggling in

between and I'm sure you know the amount

of viewings that you have to go on to

find these deals absolutely it's

inspiring to see what what you're doing

because like I said I keep saying it but

initially I thought was just property

then obviously getting to know you over

the last month or so I'm hearing how

many other things you're doing and if

anything it makes me feel quite lazy to

be honest because I'm like oh I haven't

got a child to look after I haven't got

an occupation where I need to be there

Monday to wednesday so and yeah I know

how difficult it is it's literally you

got to get used to the word know you've

got to get used to rejections you want

to be on the ground 24/7 so it's

inspiring and hopefully inspires other

people is well out there who may yeah

think having being a single parent or

having a part-time job or a full-time

job is a way to kind of excuse them from

not aspire to there's no excuse there's

you are your own worst enemy the reason

you don't succeed in life is because of

yourself and it's and I'm a great

believer in taking action if you don't

take action you don't take risk nothing

ever changes and the thing is if I

carried on doing what I've always done I

would just remain where I've always been

so exactly so what I've done is it is

difficult I'm not going to lie it's hard

work but I've done so much change

recently and so much on the mind set

because mine's it's so important because

to me if you're your heads not in the

game you're not in the game

you know and it massively you need to be

telling yourself every day reminding you

you can do it I mean every day I write

down my successes I do my five successes

every day I also write my goals down so

it's important that

you know what your goals are you know

your your quarterly goals your yearly

goals your five yearly goals ten and

your 20 year Li goals because it gives

you something to aim towards I think I

hit on that earlier about how important

your goals are to make you drive towards

them and obviously looking you hit on

earlier as well the affirmations and

declarations it's it's all about you

know getting you and your mind in the

right place and it's amazing how much

only in a matter of a couple of months

my life has just gone upside down in a

good way in a good way honestly the

things that are coming to me like the

amount of investors that are contacting

me for my projects because all my

projects are 100% investor led we do JV

partnership but I use zero of my own

money it's all investor money that pays

for my property is which and they get a

very good return much better return than

they would with the banks but as you

know Erin you do the same core same

thing so but it's so important because

you you know the these individuals are

buying into me it's not just about the

deal it's about me as a person and I'm

very positive but very brave and very

motivated I'm a very friendly

approachable person which is very

important and I believe in myself oh yes

I am a single mom yes I do own a busy

business yes I do have a job and yes I

have set a property business sort but

I'm doing it it's so inspiring I mean

I'm just taking notes here because I

want to what I want to do from what you

just said days give single parents at

home just a couple of tips there so the

number one thing and this is something

that I've had to really really work on

myself in the last six months is believe

in yourself because irrespective of what

anyone else says whether it's your mom

whether it's your partner your siblings

you have to believe in yourself above

all else and also if there's no

if people around you you don't

necessarily need to get rid of them but

maybe you've spent less time with them

so if you're spending two hours a day

with those people maybe spend 20 minutes

a day with them because the people that

are around you the the negativity that's

around you will only keep you where you

are it will not move you forward I think

that's a great point because some people

always think how can I just get rid of

somebody who's negative in my life yeah

and we're not necessarily saying you

need to get rid of them what I do is I

kind of do this thing where I look at

them and I'll smile and nod but I'm not

listening to a word they're saying

if I know it's negative and at the same

time and that's mainly for people I know

I have to kind of be around but if it's

someone negative I do the same thing or

try and reduce your time with them you

also mentioned a very very good point

which is you write down your goals daily

you do your lashes but I just want to

quickly elaborate on something you said

the five successes is that five

successes that you want to achieve or is

it five successes that you've done

perhaps the previous day no that day so

it means every day yes at the end of

every day I've got a success book just a

little book a notebook and I write the

day and successes and I do five so it

can be as little as often it's the

school run I'm late on time and you know

we get the thing the thing is we don't

we don't celebrate our small successes

we've achieved on a daily basis and it's

just sometimes the little things

especially with people with depression

and I've been there just getting up and

showers and getting dressed for the day

is a massive achievement for somebody

with depression you know simply picking

the phone up to ask for help when you've

got depression that is a massive thing

so it's little successes like I said

getting to the school run on time going

and doing some viewings putting an offer

in on a house networking with somebody

to possibly get another investor on

board for a project they're all little

successes that believe you need to

highlight and and they they say about

once you write it down the mechanics of

your brain work differently and it

you've you kind of take it

even better when she write it down so

that's what I do at the end of every day

I write down my five successes no matter

how big or small I love this so what you

referred to at the end I think it's

called a reticular activation system is

that what it is yeah that's how you say

and it's kind of like these so an easy

example is if for instance you go out

and you looking for a red car or you buy

a red car all of a sudden when you're on

the road you'll notice in that red car

everywhere where it's prior to that you

probably didn't so I think if you can

tune your brain in the right way that

you're looking for opportunities you're

seeking better that better purpose or

vision of your life you're going to

start attracting that sort of stuff and

you are just touched on something

they're really important about the small

wins

I suppose I'm guilty of this myself

because I will probably have a lot of

small ways in the day but I'm not

generally in that probably the way I

should so I'm literally written out here

that I'm gonna literally copy what

you're doing there because I think

that's an amazing point to do I know the

depression stuff that you mentioned be

showering and little things like that

haven't haven't seen my mom struggle

with it for the best part of eight years

I know that as a personal thing so it's

it's it's a fantastic point there and

hopefully people listening to us could

take that on board so it's not as easy

as it sounds I suppose obviously we'd

like the Instagram success and we're

looking around on social media seen

everyone doing all these amazing things

24/7 yeah but he's like you know Aren

is do not ever compare yourself to

anybody else that that is the worst

thing that anybody can do you know focus

on what you're doing where you're

heading what you're wanting from life

and also you hit on yeah I'm a big

Fitness nutrition that's one of the

reasons actually Aren that I found you

through your fitness journey to be fair

before before the property journey and I

massively believe healthy body healthy

mind I have a very clean diet only in

the last four months have I started I do

weightlifting and all of those people

out there again single moms I don't go

to the gym I do this from home but be in

the last couple of months I've lost a

stone and I'm only small anyway you know

I've always been slim but it's important

to me

that you get every part of your life in

balance I think and and in your diet

exercising you know they release so many

different chemicals that make you feel

better about yourself so yeah it is hard

work trying to fit all of this in

thought you know it makes such an

incredible difference it does just have

to do it

oops I agree I think it's it's just

small wins no habits rather than looking

at the big picture I think the

comparison thing is a massive point but

it's again it's easier said than done I

think once you find yourself looking at

stuff constantly

I would just news it I would just stop

using that up and just really try and

find yourself which is something that

you mentioned before great stuff and so

the next thing I want to know is about

adversity so you're very bubbly you're

doing amazing things and I'm sure like

like many of our listeners you've had

your fair share of adversity as well

could you if you wouldn't mind explain a

time where you've perhaps been through

adversity maybe something recent I

suppose in your journey whether it's a

deal falling through or something

something significant that you think

that could normally break somebody will

give somebody the opportunity to present

themselves with an excuse I mean we all

have struggles in life I mean only red

light it's it's quite recent only two

years ago now like I said I split with

my ex and it's it's been difficult you

know I'm not I'm not gonna lie becoming

becoming a single mom knowing that had

my business work you know all the other

day-to-day role the role of a mother to

contend with and juggle with it's been

difficult I I took the decision to end

that relationship which again was a

massive you know because I my decision

was going to affect three people not

just myself however I'm i sat one day

was like I feel lonely and I feel

negative and I feel unhappy and I'm in a

relationship and that isn't what its

life's about you should be in a

relationship you should feel adored you

should feel that that person brings

the best of you brings out the best

version of you and that they add to your

life so that was a massive thing for me

to do was to end a relationship

especially when we had a young child

together and almost stop being selfish

because I had to think about the bigger

picture the future and obviously the

position of you know how it was going to

affect my daughter I suppose so yeah I

mean I could have easily have just said

look let's just carry on you know let's

just make it work let's work harder at

it but I had to make that decision to

like we've got to the end of the road

and it's it's not it's not making me any

better it's not making him any better

and it certainly isn't going to make our

daughter any better so I'd say that's a

massive achievement in itself to make

and realize that you needed to make

changes Wow I think you just heard there

it is an achievement I think thinking

about the bigger picture in that in that

scenario because I see spar - often

people who are just unhappy in life yeah

being unhappy you have to accept that

it's a choice and you've sat there and

you thought actually I need to make a

decision here to change this and for the

better and it seems like it's going for

the better I hope obviously the other

party is fine as well and obviously your

daughter's in it in a good place as well

so we've got a very amicable

relationship he's a great guy he's an

amazing dad so and I could never take

that away from him but together I mean

as a family unit we works but together

as a relationship we didn't and and it's

important for for everybody out there

don't be scared like I say so many times

two friends of mine who are in happy

relationships but it's all about the

money and it's all about the security

and you know they're scared but I'd hand

on heart say it's not as hard as you

think it's going to be it really is and

I suppose I'm guilty of it myself

because sometimes when you have to make

a decision and if you know it's going to

hurt one of the other parties I really

really struggle with that and it's only

recent

I just kind of do like a five-four

three-two-one

a kind of a Mel Roberts approach where

I'm like okay five four three two one

and I'll just send that message out or

I'll give him the cord yeah say the

message and like you said it's not as

hard as you think and in hindsight I

mean after a day or two you everything's

normally a lot better than probably the

scenario you're telling yourself in your

head exactly so what's your biggest fear

then my biggest fear I think he cycle

okapi who is failure and doing something

and not succeeding I've been very

fortunate the decisions that I've made

in life of always I've always succeeded

over succeeded and everything that I've

done even little jobs I've had

reception jobs at dental practices and

the the head dentist there is then

offered to give me a position and as a

dental nurse I worked in adopts of

surgery as a receptionist and got asked

if I wanted to train as the practice

manager so people honestly people of

always whatever position I've ever done

in my life they've always seen something

in me to go further than where I am

however you always still have your own

fears and your own doubts about whether

you can achieve what other people can

see in you so yeah I think that's one of

my fit my just fear of failure and fear

of not you know I suppose like Pete

people think that I'm going to be here

like a certain level and I'm like oh my

god am i you know am I gonna let yeah am

I gonna let everybody down

and I'm not gonna reach even their

expectations of me

yeah that's a massive fear of me

sometimes and what what if so for

instance you did fail so say for is this

your next venture in property it didn't

go the way that you wanted it to go

I mean I've struggled to believe that

you would let that knock you down no I

bloody wasn't you know it's one of those

things that you know what at that

particular time that deal wasn't right

and it didn't work and you know there's

massive learning

in it I mean already with my first

project things are coming up that I'm

having to get over I'm learning so much

already because this property that I'm

working currently on is in a

conservation area and I did realize that

the loft extension in its been done and

it's not got planning permission and

there's permitted development for

certain things so loft extensions are

under committed development but in a

conservation area you basically can't

even move a tree

you can't cut hedges down you can't

change windows you can't do anything

without planning permission so it's like

little things like that but I'm learning

because I'm now working with planning

I'm now working with HMO offices you

know contacting I've got a tree that is

like push the roots are pushing into the

property so I'm having to get a survey

done but it's like now I'm in touch with

the council

I've spoken to tree surgeons and all of

that just ask the mom database my you

know everything that I'm learning along

the way and next time if things aren't

that come up he's scary thought because

I've dealt with it all really yeah

absolutely I would personally think

judging by that and say that your

biggest fear is probably expectations

rather than at your failure because I

just feel like you're just go through

your learn and then you're you'll be

better and you just kick ass next time

basically yeah definitely

and I mean I've I've gone very big with

my first projects because a lot of

people said oh my god Donna like it's

your first projects that it's an

eight-oh and obviously we get all the

people the negative people say you can't

do a hecho mo for your project you've

got to 1/8 birds for your first project

you won't get the investors you can't

get a bridge loan because we deal with

bridge loans and I'm like well it's

funny because I'm doing all of that

exactly so but but it's only through the

fact that my sister is my mentor that I

know she's doing it she's getting

properties passed through blanket

article 4 areas people on the HMO groups

which are also on our own are saying

that's impossible that's impossible

that's

so I don't even comment anymore it's

possible yeah absolutely it's just

impossible for them I would just

literally leave it I think it's a

blessing in disguise that obviously

you've got Trisha there to help you as

well because I'm not she's doing

fantastic things but you also have to

give yourself credit as well for your

mindset yeah yes I'm sure she's been a

massive catalyst and help but I just

feel that your enthusiasm and like you

said anything you you generally touch

you will make a success of it so don't

forget to obviously give yourself praise

there as well

yes no no I I think I use my sister to

remind me you know when my little voice

comes in over where yes yes I use my

sister as my no she's done it no she's

done it she's got those figures on

refinance she's managed to do that so

why can't I so she's just I suppose

she's my little crutch at the moment

because I haven't done it so when I have

done it I'll be saying well no I did

that last time you know I'm doing

already done that I just want to bring

up that point as well you mentioned the

little voice because I can so relate to

that and I'm sure there's many of my

listeners who have this little voice in

their head and the beautiful thing with

you just saying that there is we all

have that little voice so some of us

might sit there you might have this

self-doubt and believe that maybe this

just isn't for me but when you start

speaking to people who are doing amazing

things and I'm sure Trisha would

probably say the same thing I bet you

she has that little voice as well but I

think what we have to do is we have to

learn how to calm that voice down and

kind of overpowering I suppose in it and

also reminding yourself that your little

voice isn't you yeah that little voice

isn't you this is all your that's all

that all your insecurities all your

negativity all those it's like the

little devil sitting on your shoulder it

really is telling you that it isn't

possible that you can't do it but you

can because all you need to do is take

action stay positive keep the the right

people around you and network with the

right people and you can make anything

happen

absolutely I love that

what we're gonna do now is we're gonna

go into the fun part of the show and

just keep it that you have no idea

what's gonna happen but oh my god it's

really easy

hopefully it's a bit of fun it's just

sixty Seconds where I'm gonna ask you

the most random questions just to kind

of give the listeners a little bit more

about yourself and mix it up a bit so

are you ready yes all right fantastic

we're going to start in three two one

okay romance or comedy a comedy Italian

or Chinese Italian the best place you've

ever been Australia cinema or bowling

cinema the ability to fly or be

invisible Oh probably to fly money or

fame money horse riding or fashion horse

riding Netflix our YouTube YouTube

Snickers or Mars

Snickers every day favorite TV show ever

probably friends speak all languages

will be able to speak to animals

language is your biggest inspiration at

this particular moment in time

definitely my sister Trisha love it if

you could sit with one person in the

world for an hour who would it be

it's a queen you know would you rather

know how you would die or when you were

dying when if you could have polish one

thing in the world what would it be

bullying your favorite song ever

Stereophonics performance and cocktails

is there and the final question is would

you rather read minds

or predict the future read minds love it

brilliant that's it oh my god bless ya

it's more fun that way because you can't

plan for it really yeah okay so I

believe hindsight is obviously a

wonderful thing and it teaches us that

we can get to places quicker faster and

probably with less money as well but at

the same time the journey does teach us

a lot as well so what I want to know is

if you could go back in time to maybe

one moment where you were younger what

advice would you give yourself yeah I

think at school I got bullied which I'm

sure a lot of people went through so you

know if I wish I had my thoughts my

feelings of our positivity back when I

was like 12 13 I said Terry

with my skin so yeah it was a hard time

during my teenage years and I just wish

I could go back and tell that person

that you know your you are stronger than

you think you are and these people it's

their own insecurities it's their own

issues with themselves that are causing

them to bully you yeah so I I own ously

would not change a single thing that has

happened in my life because it's been

Who I am today for like you said if I

had to go back I would love to tell that

little girl the life will be good life's

gonna be amazing you just need to

believe in yourself I love it

I hate bullying like when you said that

yes named with me because I've had

family members suffer with it I was I

suppose I was very fortunate that I was

quite popular at school so I kind of

never really in aspect but even now

growing up and becoming I suppose more

intelligent more emotionally aware I

sometimes keeping myself how I never

really like intervened or stopped sort

of you know how yeah kind of laugh with

the crowd and I suppose that yeah that's

just as bad really but at that time yeah

so you feel like you'd you feel like you

should have stood up myself for that

because if I ever see anything now as a

man I'd always jump in but as a kid I

suppose you're almost kind of worried I

suppose that if you jump in then you're

gonna be at the crux of everyone's jokes

yeah I think social medias happen in

terms of bringing it out there so when

there are these cases going on and I've

seen quite a few terrible stories it is

bringing the importance that you know

this just isn't acceptable because it

was such a long term effect but I'm so

glad that it hasn't obviously affected

you too much because now you're doing

amazing things and inspiring yeah and

and you know what it's quite nice now

that I'm older and I am successful and I

look back on those people at that time

who aren't doing very well now and I'm

like that's because of the decisions

that you've taken because of the actions

you know and how you're behaved is

resorted to where you are today and - to

be honest I'd love to sit down with them

really

then reflect on their decisions and what

they're doing in their life to make

their lives better yeah absolutely

brilliant so sadly that actually brings

us to the last question of the day and

the last question I always ask my guess

is if in a 150 years time and science

fails to save us and all that is left is

a book on a table and that book is about

yourself it's about your life and

everything that you've accomplished in

your life what would the title of that

book be and what would the blurb tell us

about you oh what a question the title

would definitely be never give up hmm

love it so doesn't matter how hard it

gets doesn't matter how many obstacles

get in the way it doesn't matter how

many people tell you that you can't do

it just never give up because I can tell

you now if you just keep striving for

what you want you will get what you

deserve

never give up obviously that's a

motivational thing it's something that's

why people but when they turn it over I

want them to understand the author a

little bit so what will it say about

Donna I think it will say that I was a

very hardworking forward-thinking

bubbly motivated person who at the

moment even I just want to help so many

different people so yeah I just hope

that even just 2% of my energy rubs off

on people and and I think like after the

real life event that we've had this

weekend the amount of people that came

up to me and said oh my god you've made

this weekend amazing because of your

energy and your Drive and how positive

you are and it really is buzzed me off

I'm like I'll just feel like I'm on

cloud nine now so yeah I think

and that's the sort of lasting

impression I live on people and I hope

that's the lasting impression on people

because that's what I want to do I want

to make people feel like anything is

possible

absolutely I'm confident in well because

I think your infectious you remind me of

a good friend of mine sunny yes we yeah

we both know sunny day I've not met I've

not had the pleasure it's a meeting yeah

because unfortunately we've had to

rearrange a couple of meetings but yes

he's another individual I'm looking

forward

absolutely it's just good to be around

people who can lift you up especially in

a world where there's always negativity

flying around it's always good to be

around positive people yes just before

we close the show I want to give them

you an opportunity to let the listeners

connect with yourself where would you

tell him to come and find you yes oh I'm

everywhere at the moment very quickly

yeah luckily because I've already got a

business I know how it all works oh I've

already got an Instagram account

a compass property investment I'm on

Facebook compass property investment

also under my own name Donna Marie Pegg

anyone can contact me there I've got

email it can contact me for email so

yeah everything's up and running and

I've even bought my domain for my

website that will I'm sure be getting

set up within the next 12 months

yes so I'm I know how to be out there

and in your face that's Brad because

that's what I want I want the listeners

to be able to connect to you so would

you say Facebook as a first point of

course yes definitely Facebook I do far

Your excuses are invalid #11

Mon, 04 Mar 2019 05:55:52 GMT

Find your voice - Episode 11 - My Little Spartan - Michael V Kalisperas #11

Tagline: "Unleash your inner spartan..."

Apologies in advance for the sound quality on my end. Technical issues certainly played their role. But in true spartan fashion we kept going.

Michael Kalisperas life turned upside when his son was hit with a number of health conditions due to the neglect of a midwife. Sadly his beautiful son's life had changed which would have a knock on effect to Michael and his family.

However determined to not let this get him down, Michael continued to take action and let his excuses be a thing of the past. Realising his own excuses and rationales to avoid doing the hard stuff are so insignificant compared to the battles his son, and daughter face on a daily basis he ensured he crushed his goals.

A successful property investor, an author, a father and loving husband Michael story is one which touched my heart.

I reached out personally when I first heard his story because he genuinely changed my whole perception on the way I view my life or sometimes feel about my own situation.

I urge you all to ignore the sound defects, which I take full responsibility for and listen to this incredible man's story.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.arendeu/podcast

Links to guest:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mikekalispera (Personal)

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/EffusiveMarketing/ (Facebook group)

Michaels book: https://amzn.to/2RUZ7MS

#JustDeuIt & #FindYourVoice

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren do what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aren and as always I am the

host of the show so it's very rare that

I will stop a podcast especially at the

end of it just to kind of find out who

the individual is now I'm not saying I

don't get inspired or motivated by

people but generally speaking I'm just

kind of excited for the next podcast

however on this particular occasion a

few years ago I actually pause the

podcast towards the end of the show now

the only problem was I still had the

rest of my car journey to go so I was

kind of sitting in silence but it was

worth it because I really wanted to send

a message to this individual who I'm now

very grateful to have on my podcast and

I sent a message out to Michael to kind

of say thank you for the inspiration for

the motivation and more importantly I

hope things really do progress a little

bit easy for him I suppose in life and

speaking to him in this interview it's

difficult to say how things got easier

but one thing I can say is that he's

attitude is still the same he's

willingness to just go out there and

take action and not be a victim of his

circumstances is fantastic and that's

kind of what this podcast is about it's

about eliminating your excuses it's

about pay with the cards that you're

dealt with it's about literally thinking

okay this is what's happened now how do

I change this how do I go out into the

world and really find my voice and kind

of write my own story so I think I'm

going to leave it there

I just want to say before it starts I

did have some teething issues with the

Wi-Fi so we actually have to do a zoom

core where

which was fine for videos but

unfortunately some of the Sam when I was

editing it back wasn't quite as clear as

I had hoped because I was using my

laptop speaker as opposed to my mic that

I'm now recording this intro with so

hopefully you can bear with this because

I think more important than the sound

quality is the message and the story

behind Michael's life so without further

ado let's get this interview on the way

okay so I am here today with my course

obviously I want to say thank you

Michael for taking time out of your day

and there how are you doing today young

I'm very well thank you

good stuff good stuff so I think it's

important for the listeners to really

start to understand your story from

yourself so if you could please explain

how you progress through life yeah sure

progress through life as it seems like a

I'm 42 in them in literally a couple of

weeks time so it's February you know so

not long I'm gonna be 42 so other know

where to begin to go through the whole

life scenario but I've done quite a lot

of things I guess I could go back to

even school where I would say I was

probably not the best at school and not

really someone that was a you know in

these special sets as they call him

because I wasn't really interested in

school I didn't feel the vibe at school

I just didn't you know bond with the

teachers if I'm being honest but my life

completely changed where when I went to

college and you meet a different type of

teacher and different environment and it

was a bit more more creative more my

feeling you know what cuz I've always

come from a creative background I've

always been like an artist as such and

then I ended up pretty much ending up

going to to university ended up at de

Montford University and doing them so we

call multimedia design and marketing

basically which was basically it was

multimedia and I left there and a lot of

my friends ended up in the 3d world from

from from those sort of forces and ended

up her kind of like playing games for

Sony Playstation so I'm got a real while

yeah got really good friends I'm quite

well in that and then and I ended up

basically showcasing my work they they

asked for a few people to earn

to showcase their work at an exhibition

in London I think it was the Olympia I

can't remember the actual name of the

venue from being asked me so many years

ago and it was a big place and and they

had about I don't know six of us the

showcase our stuff so they picked people

that they wanted to showcase at this

show and it was just like a sort of like

greatest show and Khaitan story short I

got a head hunted by my boss back then

Charla Crais for the BBC ended up

working at the BBC basically doing

designs and websites for them and yeah

we touched on many many areas it was

within a group of people as a lot of

these companies are and so I was in the

designer group and basically design

websites ranging from Teletubbies to

crime watch Top Gear yeah yeah very very

very very very varied set of you know

even like you know History Channel maybe

we've seen so it was really it was a

department called fracture and learning

back at the time I think they've got rid

of the actual Department have something

else it's called a different name now

yeah and I was in and I didn't stay

there as long as I could of I decided to

leave I don't know what it was I come

from originally London actually

ironically but most of my life was

brought up in a small village called

Mulford where they've got the movin

hills and more than spring water and all

this kind of thing and it is a bit like

house on the prairie kind of thing and

as when I lived there I can't wait to

get out and you know escape and get into

University and all that sorcerer and and

meet people and but when you go to the

like concrete jungle and kind of think

on what god what is this AZ yeah yeah

it's kind of like we start realizing you

know my dad says it is well he lived in

them the most of his life I actually

came over here with nothing I mean he

literally had no money for shoes he

literally came with nothing from from

Cyprus and he started up and he's done

well for himself through hard graft and

he he said to me I will I won't go back

to London even if someone pays me you

know you

not because he doesn't like London

didn't love it you just just just found

a different vibe somewhere else simple

as that and I think for me it's the same

find different vibe I still go to London

often I'm going for five days literally

in the next day date in half I'm going

there for five days you're going in out

of business and meet people and you know

so yeah it's a it's I love it a little

bit but to live there it's a different

world he's in it

different world I lived there bought a

house on the outskirts of it was a was

well II did the Olympics actually now

really wish I didn't sell it I ended up

selling it because I got squatter's you

believe that I so that's my first true

investment and actually that property

now is worth about seven hundred

thousand I bought it about 115 I think

it was i sold actually actually i only

had it for a year and I sold it but I

made 40k profit in that point that's lo

que ya I can't complain and it was a but

still I can't complain absolutely my

point of doing it in keeping up was I

always I always thought back there I

used to watch location occasionally all

those programs and I always wanted to

build my own house I just wanted might

get buy land above my house and you know

obviously working in London you know

you've got to be pretty sorted you know

or whatever was coming about what and

you know the reality is that to buy land

in London

absolutely from some guy in Morphin you

know

and yeah just bought that property no

the plan was to keep it but

unfortunately got screwed over yeah yeah

and I was kind of like I just lost the

will to live my eyes I have to get rid

so yeah ventually got rid of them and

they trashed it as well because although

I Franky refurbished it and they trashed

it which was really nice of them

but hey and it's one of those and it I'm

back in it now yeah back into property

well I wanted to do it quicker if I'm

being honest with you I bought my own

house back in Melbourne after I sold my

my house there

bought my own house back in well when

that was brick building you know

something come up whilst we're coming

out of the recession a boy at the

recession period which was the worst

thing can do I look because I'm so

paranoid I was stuck on a high

fixed-rate back of n so back then when

rates were going down to ridiculous

amounts I was on a 6% or something crazy

and it was but it was high right at the

wrong time but there was there's off at

this something there's nothing better

than having a peaceful kind of like you

know as long as you can work bloody hard

did all the hours of possibly do to

cover it and literally you like working

and everything was going straight into

that pretty much but I truly believe you

know if you can get through the hard

times that you know the green the greens

growing you know absolutely is not

growing yeah so no it was a it was worth

it it was worth it and there's my my

first house and I say proper house 5

bedroomed detached properties in it yeah

lots of people of them you know done

things with you know the great things

but at the time that was the right thing

absolutely how so some wonderful thing

isn't it yeah absolutely

so that's took you back into property I

used still actively a property investor

knows that where you kind of call

yourself or ya know it's a bit weird

because I mean I think digress in that

last question I'm I got back into

property after my son was made severely

disabled basically we basically had my

beautiful son born

Vasili born completely healthy came home

with him completely normal and then a

mistake by the Midwife

not following certain procedure

basically ended up with a catalogue of

mistakes not just the Midwife we forgave

them publicly in the newspapers which is

pretty damn hard to do because you know

there was blatant mistakes I mean when

you go to the report that they did it

was like there was several mistakes and

it basically you know from having a

beautiful child born healthy coming home

you know healthy we've got a child now

that's severely disabled trapped in his

hot and wheelchair pretty much trapped

in his body and declared blind deaf with

spastic cerebral Z so I mean he's real

control is his taste

you know and that was hard we were told

he was blind to completely weave and

sort of like therapy and all sorts of

stuff we research in America and and you

know not too long ago we had some

reports saying that he's they put some

probes on his head and the reckon he

could see now and that really just about

that he was completely deaf but we

painful taking a decision while they're

young to put them through horrible

operations but but we put him through an

operation that has given him like the

robotic sound if you know I mean so ok

he's got something called Cochlear's

where they kind of drill into the head

they put a magnet processor goes on that

and then they put some probes or

whatever goes straight down into the

cochlea and now that goes back to a

processor and so he can hear like and

the best way I describe it to people is

why we've been described we've been told

it is Americans used to talk yeah that's

how he can hear pretty much so he'll

pick some things up certain spectrum

some sounds he might not be able to pick

up but um generally you know but he

reacts to me he knows me his mom he

knows that's the love it definitely

responses without that just give me an

example but the amount of light therapy

they put on him is basically that you

put it had he his blood was poisoned

pretty much had to do platoons but they

the way they can sort of negate that

that the increase of bilirubin which

helped cause brain damage was put him

under the lights and they did that for a

lot of premature children actually but

but they put him under the lights and he

was that much under the lights that he

actually looked like a black child and

he was you know you know at work with

olivey skin but generally kind of white

you know but he look like a black child

and you know I will never forget and

I've got him on my phone I mean

literally I've just got him on my phone

and it's a reason to have a picture of

him on my phone like this the reason why

people think it's probably weird why do

I have him as a screen saver as my child

with all these tubes in him you know up

his nose on his arms everywhere probes

everywhere and looking it's like

completely you know

okay but the reality is I'm really proud

of him that's why that's his that's his

defining moment you know they survived

that and no matter how much crap has

happened since in the last almost seven

years literally I look at that photo and

when I'm feeling it and I've had a lot

of crap come on trust me within a lot of

locals when I'm really feeling that

thinking how dare I even complain you

know I complain this kid has gone

through everything you know and he

steals your perception and kills

everything that is your lifee absolutely

yeah yeah I'm even using that now on my

diet I'm on I want to call it a

lifestyle change a lifestyle yeah I love

that change but I've lost like almost I

was it I was 17 pound 17 stone - alright

and I put on weight free depression 17

pounds - - and with just over three

weeks on and I'm I'm 1510 now so baby

it's a big drop for a short period time

and that's because of him you know

because I just think I thought screw

this I can't I can't keep killing myself

absolutely but it's a property yeah I'd

say I'd say that was my defining moment

I needed to do something to help my son

and to have my family well we're in

hospital whilst all that stuff was going

on with transit bills coming in needed

to pay and what people don't show you is

you know obviously you don't have the

support you know the supports maybe late

Iran after a while a little bit of

support here in there so it's charitable

support you know if you get a case

through negligence then you get support

later on down the line

but even then you've got support where

people assume or you know you thought

you got proper support your support so

it's actually like that last night you

know I had about four hours sleep which

is standard now most people don't get

that they think that's weird but that's

standard for us and like we've got with

three carry Shaw so you know my wife and

I cover in that you know

I got full-time care 24/7 well he's

supposed to Apple we've never had

full-time 24 not for seven years it's

just impossible it's just we struggle to

get people you know what you get it it's

like it's like yeah unfortunately our

home has become a business in terms of

like it's a care home you know but you

know what in the last year he's been

really stable so you know it's taking a

lot more there's less hospital visits

and stuff like that so you know he's

been really really stable and you know

he sees making massive massive strides I

mean he was declared blind he was

declared death

we know he can see now he's using on I

guess how much he can see we don't know

I truly believe it's with the therapy we

did with that research we did with

Christine Ramon which basically involved

putting a torch in the eyes and

switching on and off watch the people

open and grow he'd never met a flinch to

talk through the light and he could

flinch and then so at night me and my

wife throughout the night with taking

turns and just through four hours

you know switched it has to be tungsten

not a blue like they can screw through

the eyes er it has to be like those

old-fashioned boulders you know yellow

ones and yeah and you just watch his

body so he's like my sergeant is I I

recite which open and grow grew and

closing and and yeah off and then

eventually after months of doing that

once I think is my wife in the in the

bathroom she was he wasn't sleep and

seals up with him and she was just doing

it bless her persevering on and she's

just called me and I'm not military went

in there and the lights were all off I

put the lights on and I put the lights

on because you had a torch and he

changed the hell Wow

and she goes let's see he did it to you

as well I'm like wow that's crazy

so ya know it's mine it's mine so is

that and then again he was fed through

the tube and we retrained him through a

like a milk bottle he couldn't move his

mouth off he couldn't in his brain

damage basically he's brain damaged but

and we used to squeeze the teat you know

and then move his bottom of his chin

with our finger just dissolved so get

him into a sort of like you know any now

he takes it takes food from the weekend

from Holly is it

it's it's been hard it's been hard man

but you know perseverance what can I say

and that's what it is and I think it's

difficult because obviously I can't

relate to anything that you've gone

through in that situation but using that

as an example so my foster siblings

say pastor Simmons there were initially

foster siblings we went through special

guardianship so three of my siblings

have had similar what's gonna call it

disabilities growing up as well so for

instance the older one he's got a mental

age which is less than half his age

we've got one who's on the autistic

spectrum yeah and when they came into my

life a little bit which is why I

resonate with your story a bit is it

change my whole perception of life and

everything that I used to mourn about

the silliest things now I'm grateful for

and I know you know we all sending out

quotes every single day and we're all

trying this positive beacon of light but

I genuinely had them within my followers

as well similar to yourself and it's

near when I'm there feeling crappy or

feeling sorry for myself because I don't

know the car tires flat or something

something daft perspective but these

kids are finding them much harder battle

them then I'm having to fight and yes

it's commendable because I don't want to

make this about property because anyone

that wants to know my calling properties

new fantastic and you've got podcasts

out for that and you can reach out to

him afterwards but this is more about

you as a person who's taken this use you

change the perception you've dealt with

the cars that you are handed it's not

fair I can't explain only thing anyone

can explain why weird out certain cards

but all we can do is play with them the

best way that you can a new kind of I

know you very quickly scaled up after

that and maybe that's because your back

was against the wall I suppose and yeah

you spy on me I mean there's a my

favorite quote and I promote it in one

of my groups could effusive entrepreneur

it's called it's from Jack London and

it's a it's basically about you know

playing a bad hand well basically yeah

and there's an ace of cards you know ace

of hearts on the card you can you can

always play a bad hand well and so

basically don't even if you you can do

feels like on them on the outside of it

you might feel like you're losing it's

how you play or how you react to that

that counts so example is in property

is I mean add a commercial to

residential big one

I'm Birmingham it's 15 rooms in the end

and it was my my first commercial and my

second project in property and I pretty

much jumped the gun a bit but we have

everything complying at us literally and

it was really stressful and at the same

time as going through moments or like

I've been for my own health care

problems I was going through cancer

scare myself and there's a lot going on

obviously my son and you know dealing

with deal certain builders oh my god

nightmare and getting things wrong and

it was just you know massive learning we

had contamination issues we had we had

all sorts of problems just cracking on

but you know again look at my my son on

my photo on my on my phone and I talk

about my son but I actually used my son

as a metaphor for my family yeah because

my kids that my children Ellie Maria two

girls they're just as amazing Maria for

instance she's actually disabled as well

but people don't know it and she's got

some good Zubaz syndrome where middle

part of her head the brains not fully

formed and really rare and it can happen

by being sheared and my bum or I've been

shitty stressed at birth and it can be

it can happen from genes and all

something that it's not our genes

because we checked them and you know it

basically she's got autistic issues she

could go blind that she grows older

because the protein doesn't protect her

eyes and all this kind of stuff but she

could have been worse I mean apparently

they're not supposed to have balance and

can't walk but she she fires us all I

mean she was she was born and had was

shaken her lace and Eliza liked she had

nystagmus and head wouldn't stop shaking

so she's trained a brain to you know to

planets her eyes and and she's learned

you know to keep straight and she she's

talking to normal school she's doing

everything she's you know she's only

four or five now and she's doing really

really well and I she's got little

tantrum tantrums but not doesn't quite

understand certain stuff but I mean I'd

say but now she's still more behaved

some children I know that haven't got

nearly so I class

I think I don't sort of put out there

just because she's not disabled really

you know he is on paper but she's not so

for me you know it's almost like my son

was brought there to sort of like help

us deal with the shit that's to come if

that makes sense my thought was like

that and we didn't have no problems

before and all the stuff for the

property stuff I don't I think what

would have hit was hard but going

through sheer hell you know when my son

really sort of prepared us a lot for a

lot of stuff oh it came I understand

that but I think sometimes it's funny

because I don't wish anyone to really go

through pain it's not yeah yeah but that

makes me feel sad when I know people are

going through pain but sometimes I feel

people need to experience some level of

adversity you know not to really find

focus and change their life as well and

as much as I'm trying to tell people

don't wait for that wake-up call for

example don't wait for to find out that

your child may need extra care for

example or you've been hit with the

illness get out there and do it now and

I suppose it's easier said than done

because if nobody's having to live the

life Safe Routes that you've lived for

example yeah well like my siblings they

don't really have that agency my it's

frustrating I get frustrated because I'm

like we are so blessed like beyond means

even what we're doing now being able to

communicate how we eyes Isis anything

yeah absolutely I mean there's so much

horrible stuff out there in the world

and it's just you know it's crazy to you

know to to not be grateful for what

we've got and and and you know when you

see people that are grateful when

they've got little and we've all been

there we've all been them in some way in

our minds we've been at the greatest of

lows and it could be from spitting out

with your boyfriend or girlfriend

it could be splitting up with you know

you know a JV partner I don't know the

point a point is you know at that point

it could be serious the most absolute

low you know you could have health

issues cancer issues family there's all

sorts we've had that as well in this

period and that n is it's not great it's

not great but at the same time you know

I've always said one of my sayings is

like you know we will never you know

we'll never

I don't get my words up today well we're

never given a Golden Path

it was never we never no one promised us

anything you know and so and so like if

you want something you've got to go and

get it you either fail or you success

fall you know and if you're successful

great if you fail get up and do it again

and keep trying that and even if you've

got no money or anything there's always

away you know and you know what worst

comes to the worst I'm dying from

something it's if you've got your mind

in the right mind and you think you know

what I was conceived that's amazing I

lived a few years that's amazing if you

get your mind in the right mind you

still be grateful even when you're dying

you know I mean and we've seen other

witness people like that you know yeah I

love that mindset you just touched on

something and make sure we add it at the

end of the show you've got a group you

just say yeah I've got I've got a group

it's called the effusive entrepreneur

okay so anything about stuff like these

entrepreneurs is in the name but about

your mindset as well well it's actually

I do marketing I do it mine only a

marketing training and that's like a

little group I actually put more effort

in my closed group which is people in my

arm in a number the thing for me is like

I literally had a VA that was helping me

out on that side of things

and she literally went AWOL live just

randomly went AWOL and I don't know what

happened I really don't know but she's

from Philippines

it just went AWOL so yeah looking at a

decent VA at the moment I think I found

one

we'll see how it goes but yeah now I

need to push push put more engagement in

that group from being honest with you

okay yeah I know it's a great group I've

got loads of people about I think about

300 people in the group yeah I do

engagement but not as much as I like

I've got a couple of other groups have

got one called it's magnetic marketing

system is another group it's just

basically a really secret one group

where it's just the people that I train

arm property marketing getting leads

about business and all that kind of

stuff an investment it's a small very

small group at the moment I've got a few

people that you guys know some really

great people successful people right in

there and yeah

so that's going really well gonna be

open that up again soon um yeah just

I've got my event in London that's

causing a lot of bloody Wow yeah my son

right that's marketing again it's going

to be we've got we've got a Khadija the

apprentice star she's gonna be there

we've got a YouTube expert you know he's

helped Samuel Leeds get from 50,000 to

150,000 something a lot you know he's

talking it's all about marketing it's

gonna be it's gonna be awesome and can

fit about 480 people at the Marriott

Hotel in London it's my event big

pressure on me it's only 16th and 17th

of March this year prices start at 97

pounds but you get actually what we're

doing now we get got this program

actually that I'm affiliated to and

we're going to be offering people free

access to this program which is you know

pretty amazing yeah any other ticket

prices which basically covers their

costs on the bottom ticket easily and

basically they could create landing

pages you know can forgive the email

system within it so if you want to build

your own website that's the and

templates in there so they get that for

free

I haven't launched it yet but you've

heard it here first on our I'm just

gonna say you were saying your nervously

I'm sure you don't need any more

motivation than just to look at your

phone before that exactly exactly that

may be right yeah okay absolutely that I

see it I mean I guess that the

nervousness is the fact that you know

it's a it's a big thing you'd love to

fill it out you know you care about it

care about I've got 15 speakers and many

come from abroad there's people like you

know top and marketers making 40 50

grand a month you know it's crazy but a

figure of guy there

their partnership guys and and and you

know it's yeah it's it's this pressure

you know but it's great it's great now

I'm like you know I'm one of these like

you know it's easy for me to go easy

coming to go you know what you've got to

try these things what does Rob Moore say

don't the risk you know basically

absolutely yeah yeah I'm sure

well yeah I'm so it's all quite a few

tickets not enough but we've only just

launched so you know it's a it's

something we pushing out there look

forward to it make sure you media

information is

after this and I'll send you a signature

notes it's automated I said it put a lot

of people it's good for you know coaches

anyone wanting to launch an event anyone

that's in marketing wants to do a bit

more marketing on their property and get

some really great bubbly gonna get some

tools for it

fantastic okay brilliant so you actually

doing like more stuff than I knew about

you I know I know of course he's a

full-time dad and I thought that would

be taking up all your time but here you

are making your own events and

everything so another question then so

you're successful in what you've done in

terms of the property you're doing a

great job with your children and your

family so what's the day like from the

moment you wake up tell you got like 17

or yeah I bet I am

I wake up about four or five in the

morning right sometimes going to bed

late unfortunately but it's not my

choice no that's not by choice that's

actually by habit now that's initially

it wasn't by choice now if I'm being

honest with you the reality is I could

sleep a little bit longer but I've just

it's just become me now if I can get

sleep and I accidently sleep through

that because all exhausted or whatever

and and actually doing this diet it's

really helping me so if my son doesn't

disturb me and doesn't wake up and that

you know I could easily go into 7:00

you know easy yeah well it's it's just

um it's just nice you know I actually

get a good rest when I go to like events

you know you know so but my schedule is

basically get about four or five I I

always turn ask me why it's really

strange but I always always come

downstairs I eat a banana

randal cake I'm not banana man

my first thing I do a banana I go to my

son I give him a really big kiss because

he's exhaust get ready has his dinner

and he's get ready for his he's like

specialist school a given big kiss the

girls are still in bed and my son's lot

obviously awake and then I start looking

at my schedule for the day I never

follow it just to me

okay he's organized work just look at it

yes I'm aware of it because what happens

when I start creating a website or

landing page for someone

or final for someone to help convert you

know get people to event or through

Facebook ads or whatever I'm doing for

people I end up like getting engrossed

in the computer and some way it's gonna

be supposed to be an hour it ends up

being longer so so setting time because

for me doesn't and and what I do is I

just make sure I do the stuff and and I

make sure I do it at whatever cost and

so I do I literally do that and I try

and mix it with the children like I have

the computer here in the living room mo

more often on by my bed upstairs on my

bed believe in our it's not the best

comfortable thing to do here because of

the reception's better there you know a

billion you get piece if the kids are

kind of well-behaved watching TV I like

to kind of come here in that but if it's

too noisy I just can't I just can't over

this I've got like a an outbuilding as

well that I converted for a training

suite and I've got an office there that

needs a little bit more finishing off

but it's pretty much burn so I'm gonna

start and can start utilizing that more

just gets a bit cold I've got the heat

is on there in that but it's like you go

warm it up for like an hour or so before

and today I can't be asked you know just

a lot stay upstairs on my bed and just

do my work you know not a great thing to

do but now I've got a proper PT involved

with my exercise we're gonna make it

that part of my schedule something to do

this year try and get you know not just

use the lose the the fat actually gets

physically more stronger and you know

getting care scheduling for that at

least I think for me there's anything on

schedule that I want to do I'm pushing

my marketing efforts because a lot

people while so I've been my property

journey you know I've had a few podcasts

and interviews and so on I've not really

promote it'll push what I what I trained

in you know design and marketing and and

I've had a few people approached me over

the years from property world and it's

like I've helped them massively I've

helped people like were there you know

they might have a 399 ebook and I make

them 15k within a couple of months in

just Facebook ads but

by promoting a book you know and it's

it's I know I'm good at what I do but I

don't

and III this is my biggest flaw I don't

like selling I don't like selling and

I'm one of rob mores mentors and I've

signed up to his thing cuz I got really

good at helping people value their

selves helping them realize their worth

and he said something recently he said

he said something about when people say

oh I don't need to sell myself I don't

need yeah I don't need to sell myself

people come to me that's me that's me

man I hate to admit it it's like I get I

get work it just comes to me right but

actually imagine what I'd do if I should

start promoting myself you know leave it

so much on the table yeah I'm leaving so

much on the table almost I almost don't

give a crap because I'm designing my own

life you know I mean yeah at the same

time if I really want to get to my goal

my goal is actually to eventually be

able to afford to buy an Ironman suit

for my son some sort of give him the

independence thought we know that's

gonna cost millions and if I want to get

to that goal at that you know at that

point then I'm gonna have to do better

than this sort of like you know just you

know happy happy that enough works

coming my way and people using me that

way I think I should be you know

professionalizing myself a little bit

more and and valuing myself more to the

point that I should promote myself it's

just that there's a nervousness of

promoting yourself I mean I think you've

probably seen it amongst the the the

forums and that people kind of think

your guru rising yourself or you know

like oh god who's another person

thinking a minute I had a business

before hello you know these people

business before and what you do in

business is you promote a market that's

what you're supposed to do you know

they're almost I allow myself to be

affected by other people's judgments

which you can't do even myself I mean I

promote myself a lot more recently

especially in the last 12 months in

terms of like my own brand and me as a

person that initially was the hardest

thing I've ever had to do and the whole

point of like you need to know your

Worth and stuff

we were spoken to me I thinking one of

my first jobs when I was young as a

project manager and my manager at the

time because I came out of me

you know when they ask you what's

special about you give three things as

an icebreaker I was like nothing I'm

just I'm just me yeah he told me

afterwards because he he listed like a

few things that he found special about

me and long story short he was that if

you don't blow your own trumpet nobody

else is gonna in this world because of

the way the moment is and I don't know

you always resonated with me and it

still took me the best part of seven

eight years later on to real stuff I'm

thinking if I can just do this and not

really worry about the engagement and

kind of just be like look I've got a

message here I want to share it it comes

from the heart it's honest if you

resonate with it fantastic if you don't

not a problem so it was difficult for us

because they used to send it off and

you're kind of looking at your phone

thinking what's gonna happen and now

it's kind of like I just Lars a and

people ask me that how did you write

content and I say I don't like really

write contact a kind of document like my

life kind of things like you've done

something a property I'll speak about it

if it's health and fitness I'll speak

about it if it's like an interesting

meeting I'll just speak about it and

hopefully I always try and give people

some sort of tangible yeah information

that they can take away I think you

should be that because I didn't know you

were doing all these amazing crazy

wonderful things yeah a bit here in

there I do you know I mean I'll get my

flap out on flipping social media just

to really put myself available to the

world you know that I'm gonna lose

weight and I say I wrote i put a vision

I put watch this miraculous journey of

this of me this is anyway and I've done

it in three weeks already there's no

ultimate accountability

you know ridicules you that you're gonna

be it's embarrassing

a whole lot the source stuff but at the

same time you know for the first time in

my life we have tried different diets

since what happened to my son I put a

lot of weight on the first time in my

life I'm facing it head-on so yeah oh

you and look at my fat mass yeah I'm

here

absolutely even my addictions and I call

them addictions because that's all I've

ever eat and then it's like I literally

get urges for this stuff isn't my port

my secrets of this diet is I'm facing it

and I call it the no BS lifestyle diet

okay basically I put Pringles fizzy

drinks and I've got a packet of Haribo

outside of my bed

oh no Quinn okay right and I sleep with

them by the side of my bed and I wake

that with the word we

because I had to face my addictions yeah

yeah and it's a bit like that in

property when people would like go to

training training training training

training training the good mentors were

saying you got to do you've got to just

you know and and I you know I'm a course

drinking I'm proud of it I'm proud of it

I'm a course drunk eating for two main

reasons number one it's always good even

if you already know the stuff to go over

again it's good to get reminders right

but number two and this is the biggest

one

mentors need Mentors even if you're

whatever level you are and all my

mentors have got mentors themselves you

know I mean Nick James is mentorship

I've been under song azuki's mentorship

I mean Rob Moore's mentorship you know

the reality is and I I mentor other

people myself yeah and I truly believe

that you you've got to really be what's

the word humble enough to want to keep

learning absolutely and there's a lot of

people that are arrogant and feel like

the only courses well good for you happy

you do not everyone wants to work that

way I actually love people right I love

networking I love people but I love

genuine people that I've got integrity

they're true to them certainly I really

can't stand people that fake I hate it

and I can sense them a mile away and and

I always when I talk about marketing's

be true to yourself just be yourself and

people attract to you and a good friend

of ours Camilla does the sa stuff I

would say so name

can we look oh yeah she's exactly great

and I mentor mentoring in marketing as

well but it's usually just started to be

fair and and you know she's a really

great she's doing massive should be

really successful and she's doing it by

just being herself she's been brilliant

you know and you know we all learn off

each other I've learned a lot of Simon's

uchi I've learned a lot of Rob more I've

learned a lot of Nick James you know

I've got another mentor that is you know

definitely need him because he's like

he's like a sales machine he really

knows he's you know he's good he's got a

product called open with a closing

doesn't do its Leslie it's just like you

know you want my product is I'm worth

this much and you know so this is what

it is and he's named my Elwell really

great guy amazing guy getting hired by

some really top guys at the moment

because he's easy really is you know

legend or what he does and so yeah I

want to constantly improve I want to be

I want to be my ultimate self before I

die and I know more than a lot of people

know life it's bloody short man

it really is severely because of your

experiences yeah absolutely yeah

yeah I think you touch on quite a few

things with your whole I'm looking

forward to it but I actually lose 42

pounds in seven and a half weeks myself

so what I want to do boxing never go to

the gym and I was a think was about 24

at the time and there was like seven

year-olds two ten-year-olds very cheeky

little kids and I'd to go for a room

with him so I told the kids because then

I was all the way and I could I couldn't

run more than like 200 meters and all I

could hear him was saying come on old

man come on Batman and all these kind of

like really literally me facing it but I

took I took it personally I was like

I'll get you back and then with a love

working working my ass off basically for

the next two months it really really

helped and there is no magic formula to

anything whether it's property whether

it's health and fitness whatever it is

literally you just got to go and do it

and then if you you learn a little bit

you pivot I hope that's called it on my

uncle my own podcast called Mike drops

get okay I guess my drop is call mine

yet close and I've interviewed a couple

of a top level you know we're talking

really high level guys in America my

calls another guy called les Evans and

11 there's Evan said a thing to me he

said he said um he said people think

there's an easy route to success but

it's all hard work even when it doesn't

look that way and he said even if you're

people just speak in the thing they're

just speaking they're successful from

speaking and

and he's brilliant at that is amazing

amazing me he's gonna you know he's he's

advised people in the White House he's

done all sorts he's just bum a lot the

guys absolutely legend and he's had

become a really good friend of mine and

and he was saying to me you know I

remember it was on the lines of like I

remember when you said pedal stall

people like that look big and famous and

he became himself but in the end they're

just flipping normal people and what

people don't understand is that you know

they want to laugh you know they want to

get on you know they don't to be used

and and and there's a lot of truth in

that and there and there's a lot of

people do assume they also die they

connected that way back I used to give

him a lot of my time for free and in the

end I ended up blocking him and this is

where you learn about time for money and

it wasn't yeah it was like you every

every conversation about a heart I've

tough your love to have your lives love

to out Matt me yeah I'd live in a

flipping shed and have my son healthy

you won't want my life trust me it's not

great but you know it's not as great as

you think it is you know and and it was

just constant constant constant constant

like you know like MV and it wasn't the

nice he wasn't moving forward is that I

want to get 200 houses within two years

and he was like really unrealistic yeah

all right 10x it I you know go for it

you know I hate that comment that word

clinics it got you know I love what

Grant Cardone is about I just hate the

10x it that side of it not because I

don't believe in it I believe in it

it's just that I see if thrown around

too freely now and and like by people

that could potentially really screw

their lives over if they do try to 10x

it you know and where they feel that you

know they've been inspired and they can

just rush ahead you've got to get the

education in I don't care what you know

you got to build the foundations he's

got to build the foundations and and

then and then to exit first you know and

then check out what you know check out a

flavor for it and then check out what X

might be you know I don't like the 2x

you know I'm not doing us a great point

I think we're in the

society obviously with the whole

Instagram highlight reels and nobody's

really posting stuff that is like their

bad days of supposed and I supposed

indirectly I don't know how but when I

was getting a bit of traction in like

the property groups it was because I was

just Oakley admit all my mistakes up

something I was just documenting again

like listen I am probably the worst guy

a property talking three years ago I was

a look I made this mistake I've made

this and people resonated with that so

indirectly actually helped 9% of the

time it is lychee everyone showing their

best date on a highlight reel and I

think we get that thing and then people

read the secret and it's all this

wishful thinking and it's like listen it

is goes back to what you said earlier do

it do it you've just got to face it and

do it just exactly I mean madness you're

spot on and the crazy thing is is that

I've been exactly the same I've done

podcasts and I've been honest just

straight on you know I'll straight up

with out loud you didn't want to hear it

we didn't want to hear it I'm like you

know and and cut long story short the

the realities that they won't value in

my time but I wasn't violent valuing it

I can't blame them it's actually

something that I get a trouble from from

my wife so I'm always trying to help as

many people as I can so I'm always

having these one-hour coffees that going

to like one and a half hours or

conversation 15 minutes or less yeah and

then at the end of its like I've got no

time to spend with my wife for example

yeah because I'm just trying to help but

then most of those people they'll come

back with pretty much the same kind of

questions or concerns two months later

having done nothing

you're almost yourself and I think I'm

similar to you in that respect which is

there's some great points that you made

days that I need to start my new my time

a little bit there yeah not so much I

know I need to charge for example it's

on the faith basis that is this person

really going to do it and what I've

started doing as of the last two days is

taking calls on the way to the gym so

I'm like you've got ten minutes with me

far away I'll kind of give you

everything I've got I know it's working

okay because it kills that time to the

gym so yeah absolutely yeah it's not

eating a weigh-in time that you which is

valuable time is valuable time time I've

said entire book emergency we have you

know in the lane if if if people don't

value your time

mmm bug you you spell as I and why work

with people that don't value you they're

just picking and sponging your brain

because they can't be asked again spend

the money on the courses and the

education and or go through the grit in

the action that you've gone through in

the pain that you've gone through they

just want to just you know squeeze your

sponge brain and get all the bloody Evo

out you know those people it doesn't

make us a you know this is not a you

know I'm holy than now I'm perfect I I

know my share you know this has just

just been honest with the situation you

know so I absolutely love helping people

I really do it's just some people just

don't value your time enough so okay

we're gonna change gears a little bit

we've spoken about adversity which is

one of the main drivers like in your

life and I don't wish it on anyone to go

through the same kind of stuff but we

all go through something what I would

ask you though is a different question

is about fear so it's probably a common

question but I want to know what is your

biggest fear but I want to stop and take

away what I think he's gonna be your

first answer from doing some Daryl Brown

tactics here so you can't mention your

your children or your wife in this

scenario but what is your biggest fear

as as yourself my biggest fear for

myself is not accomplishing my dreams

okay and my dreams are actually yes they

are to be able to get enough money to

afford certain things from my family and

I'm not supposed to mention them but my

actual my dreams are to actually be

successful and proud enough to know that

you know that boy in school that was at

loss was crap had to have extra

education was themed

you know classes dyslexic really smashed

it regardless he's not I mean and and so

you know for me to start that would

really be probably my biggest fear stop

him from for me I really I really want

to get aspire to inspire is what I want

to do right and the way you inspire is

by doing great things and and those

great things could be I give a lot to

charity myself I donated just over four

thousand

pounds Christmas do recently you know

and and before that I've donated loads

and even my book my little spot and that

I've written for my son all the all the

money from that including the cost of

making it which most people don't do

they has gone to different charities you

know everything wasn't a lot you know

because these costs of these profits

carry yeah yeah and even before that

even you know I've just constantly you

know every year given in some form to

charity and the point is this like it's

not because I'm you know I want to be

seen as you know are what passive and uh

and people that know with me will know

this is true so I could be a property

meet in and we're walking up the road

for me laughter and I'll just give

twenty pounds of baby homeless man I

don't record it I don't you know but

people that would mean no it yeah I

don't do it for you know I know in

London wherever I am if I see someone

I'll donate and you know and I don't

care if they're they look like they're

druggies well it's not at the end of the

day I because I'm not gonna judge you

know they can do what the hell they want

with it

you know I want to give if I've got it

you know and if it helps them it helps

them I just get I don't need to promote

it or anything that but the reality is

although ironically there's a promote in

this podcast estrangement but honest is

like where we're and it's just merely

answering your question you know my goal

is to aspire to inspire to inspire and

if I can do that for my kids and other

people and great you know and and if it

means like you know giving when you

haven't even got it and I've done that

and and you know it's like then you know

you do you leaving some sort of trail of

legacy wait wait people might not

remember me you know but you know

someone might you know yeah I don't know

but at the end of the day it's strange I

haven't made haven't made it in in my

mind a successful property developer or

marketing agency in my mind I've got a

long way to go but I'll also at the same

time I don't want to have a lot you know

I want to be comfortable I don't want to

have like the two hundred thousand

living rooms and what

acquiring to do well you know I really

don't I don't envy people like that when

I see people doing well I'm like good on

you I'm yeah I really I never had the

jealous I never I just truly think good

on you the ones I don't like are the

ones that do it and they're they're

horrible assholes you know I mean these

people win don't they yeah yeah okay

fantastic no I know that that makes

sense I think I'm very similar as well

in relation to what you saying there and

just on that analogy song I've had going

off on a bit of a tangent here people

who are quite charitable but they'll

never give to somebody who maybe they

assume is gonna have alcohol and drugs

or something and my philosophy has

always been I mean growing up and the

way my mom's always talking is just give

whatever you can give but and the base

is that maybe maybe your donation that

they will just change that person's

perspective or life and providing you're

not just throwing it at home and maybe

you can just give it a try contact will

have a good day or something so I just

give him that lift that they need all

just to keep him going for another day

so I'd always urge people whatever you

can give this absolutely give but yeah I

can't imagine you being somebody's gonna

be taking a selfie while you're doing

that I mean and the truth is I should be

you know utilizing it for you know but

at the same time it's it's not it

doesn't sit right

you know it doesn't sit right so you've

heard the buzzer it's going off so what

I'm gonna do now is but Mike with three

spaces for the next 60 seconds and he's

all I do basically whatever the first

answer comes into your head please give

me that one and you ready mate I'm cool

I'm ready okay we're gonna start in

three two one

okay the ability to fly or be invisible

fly money or fame fame singing or

dancing singing Netflix our YouTube

YouTube Marvel or DC are Marvel easily

would you rather know how you were dying

or when you would i how love or money

love books or movies i love books

actually if you could sit with one

person in the world for an hour who

would it be I would love to sit with

Donald Trump to figure out why the hell

looking weird and

go ahead going on I just I'm just

perplexed and also kind of yeah it's a

weird one

that we interested yeah you're worse be

a growing up fighters actually okay and

finally what is your biggest addiction

my biggest might what was my biggest

addiction was slight wrinkles and yeah

wrinkles my biggest addiction at the

moment is learning junkie for learning

and just some Pringles because I'm a

Pringles fun as well what's your

favorite cocktail sorry I don't get me

thinking the next one's on reflection

yeah we've spoken about this earlier

we've spoken about hindsight being a

wonderful thing how you can teach you to

get to where you are quicker easier or

with less heartache for example but

knowing what you know now and with your

life experiences and obviously your

mindset now if you could go back to a

time maybe when you were younger maybe

going through college or school and you

can just whisper something in your ear

knowing how life would pan out for you

and just to kind of maybe motivate or

inspire that young Michael what would

you say I would say you're able to do

anything you put your mind to because I

really believe growing up because I was

told it you know my teacher I didn't

have a good attention span and my

teacher must teacher said to me oh

you're gonna end up as a glassblower she

was old fashioned herself and most

people didn't really kind of connect

with her if I'm being honest with you

but that really thought I thought what

the hell you know kind of thing to say

that just because I you know and I

wasn't interested in her lessons I just

would and again it goes down to what we

read in property marketing people could

be connected you know whatever you do in

it's about attention and connection

right you've got to get the attention to

be noticed and you've got to connect so

if you're going to get an investor to

come to you you've got to get the

attention you've got to do that one way

or another and then you've got to

connect and you can only connect by

being you because long term wise you

know it's a marriage you know it's

simply that absolutely and it's the

easiest thing to do be yourself rather

than trying be someone else off man do

not have some music but I see people my

god and I just cringe and I know that it

makes me cringe

I see people they've been I

I won't even touch into it too much but

there's people that mean there's a

particular person that's training the

same people when they're like they're

following the same moves and everything

in their acting the same as this person

exactly in every way and it's a it's

squiggly it's creepy and windy it is and

the problem with it is as well if you're

copying somebody else you're almost

relying on them to do something you know

the few to follow see as a policy if you

just make your own journey and write

your own story I've got one thing where

I've got respect for these people that's

all for helping them is they've already

taken a step at least they're getting

themselves out of the shell and they do

something but but seeing exact copies

it's just yourself yourself it's like

have you ever seen those live videos

when they're sat there quietly for like

flipping five minutes I'm like I don't

like it I just it's just great I'm like

I just talk shit for a bit I say to

people okay just talk shit wait to

people come on

[Music]

and that's not always like to ask my

guess is if in 150 years time and you

are no longer here but all that exists

is a book and it's about your life and

somebody's walking past and they pick up

this book what would the blurb say and

also what would be the title of the book

well already written it it's called my

little spot on the globe

it says embrace your struggle to find

your strength and pretty much what we

talked about today and and I it has a

sub heading saying unleash your lip in a

spa and because we've all gotten in this

part and and what I mean by that it's

not a judgment thing on Spartans and

while it's just the fact that you know

against the odds it's a metaphor

it's against the odds they know they're

gonna die but they're fighting all they

can yeah and that's the point at the end

of the day we're all gonna freakin die

but let's just see what we can do you

know that's all we can do but you know

you know the end of a that's why I don't

mind helping people as much as I can

because that you know any bit of help

you get out there is what

nice absolutely Granta our future looks

already out yes my little spy Amazon

yeah best seller international

bestseller there you go is it oh wow

yeah i 100% put that in the bottom of

and the show notes as well alright it's

actually the first time somebody's

already answered my question and done my

question but what I always like to ask

people is there is somewhere they can

contact you now I know you're doing

amazing things all over the world in

networking marketing property you're an

author as well there's one place and I'm

just gonna limit it to one but I will

obviously add everything else afterwards

what is the number one place that you'd

prefer base for Facebook Facebook I'm 5m

I'm maxed out sorry guys so just listen

I've got another group page good Michael

V Calais Paris just a baby bear I'd be

there and start using it more now

because I'm that's my that's my own

that's my professional page so just want

them on to Michael V or try and message

me on on on my one at least and I'm not

try and connect and brilliantly it's

been a absolute pleasure like I said at

the beginning I reached out to you long

time we don't know yeah I love your

story you know that this is fascinating

promise there's live calls on them you

all get busy I haven't managed to

reconnect there so and thank you for

your time today you've been doing

awesome things as well okay it's good to

see and again like you know we reach out

to people that we connect with and like

and so on and you know obviously

responded back to you because I know

like and trust okay you know it works

the same way you know yeah that's how I

see it and and that's how that's how

relationships grow that's how investors

get involved that's how all this stuff

happens you know it's it's all about

that you know so absolutely absolutely

spinning it's been an absolute pleasure

and well as well thanks for listening

and remember this podcast is absolutely

free so all we ask in return is for you

to share this with a friend and drop us

a 5 star review over on iTunes have an

awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Building a business as husband and wife #10

Mon, 25 Feb 2019 05:55:25 GMT

Find your voice - Episode #10 - Building a business with your loved one - Manny & Ras

Tagline: Good things happen to good people - A story by the Co-Founders of Build My Gift, Manny & Ras

Driven by a passion for business and making a difference in the gifting world, husband and wife co-founders Manny & Ras launched Build My Gift in 2017. Within this time they have been featured in Glamour, Bazaar, This Morning, GQ, Forbes, Metro, Brides and now Find Your Voice!

In this episode we get a behind the scenes understanding of what it truly takes to build a business from scratch and hear about a few obstacles they have faced on the way.

A raw and honest interview showcasing the highs and lows, which truly gives us all a great insight into the wonderful minds behind this key concept but also about what it takes to be a successful entrepreneur.

Now with over 500 products, and an everlasting increasing product portfolio, they have mastered the art of controlling overwhelm with their intuitive website helping you make decisions to suit your loved ones.

As the brand continues to grow and more wonderful memories continue to get shared with the Build My Gift experience, I urge to you follow their journey below.

Plus with mothers day around the corner and many birthdays, weddings, celebrations and opportunities to just do something nice for someone, Build My Gift is the perfect place for you to get started.

+ The founders have offered 10% off to all listeners if you simply enter the following code at the checkout: findyourvoice

So what are you waiting for?

https://www.buildmygift.com/

Follow it below:

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Links to guest:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/buildmygift/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/buildmygift/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/buildmygift?lang=en

Website: https://www.buildmygift.com/

Don't forget the discount code! findyourvoice

#JustDeuIt & #FindYourVoice

Transcripts

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren do what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aren and as always I am the

host of the show so I'm extremely

excited today because it's a milestone

for me it's my first ever power couple

and the beautiful thing about this pile

couple is not only are they business

partners who have started this

incredible business from scratch

they're also married as well so it's

gonna be interesting to kind of

understand the dynamics of what what

it's like to obviously start your own

business but to working with your other

half so I'm extremely excited to get

this going there are very very dear

friends of mine so for that reason it

was a no brainer to bring them on the

show and more importantly I've actually

used their service I think it's about

five times now and I hope I've passed it

over to my mom and I've also passed it

over to my brother-in-law as well so

it's something that I highly highly

highly recommend and in relation to

their service it launched in 2017 you've

probably heard the name I mean they have

been featured on television and in some

major pop up stores but I'm gonna leave

them to tell us all about that so

without further ado let's get this

interview on the way okay brilliant

okay so I am sitting here today with two

of my good friends and this interview is

really exciting for me because it's the

first time I'm actually interviewing two

people at once now the exciting thing

about this interview is that this is a

power couple this is about

entrepreneurship and it's also about

business but another exciting thing to

add to that is they're also a married

couple so it's gonna be really

interesting to see how this plays out

and so I'd like to start by welcoming

Russ and money to the show

how're you guys doing today yeah good

thank you

thanks for having us you're very welcome

very welcome thank you for coming down

so I think it's really important

obviously for the listeners of the show

to kind of get an insight in relation

about you guys so we'll go with ladies

first rise if you could just tell us a

little bit about yourself and then after

that if money you want to talk about

yourself as well okay so I am co-founder

of my gift and so we launched but my

gift in 2017 but prior to that my

background is working within HR so I

worked in London for several years for a

luxury goods firm and then I moved up

north and worked for the BBC as well

Oh brilliant I'm you new University yeah

so I I studied sociology at University

that was my BA I then went on to do my

masters in education policy at King's

College and then I did a second master's

in human resource management as well

fantastic yeah money about yourself yes

so I went to university Aston University

where as well we met yeah yeah feels

like a long time ago and then graduated

in 2010 and wasn't sure what path I

wanted to take and my family was

involved in family businesses and things

I've always been involved in that so I

naturally took that path I felt like it

was the right thing to do and I've been

involved in that ever since I'm still

involved in that heavily and me and Ross

have known each other over eight years

now we got married in 2015 and yeah we

decided to take this chance with Bill my

gift in 2017 and we haven't looked back

really okay thank plastic so it's

interesting that obviously Rhys you know

just collecting masters which isn't

really directly I suppose linked to kind

of entrepreneurship and business what

made you go into that was that kind of

Manny's influence because obviously he's

family into business before or was it

something that you've always wanted to

do it isn't really at all I think

working within HR that's something that

I was really passionate about and I

really did enjoy it was just really the

we stumbled across an idea that we

thought there was a gap in the market we

mulled over it for you know sever

months and then we decided to take the

plunge and I suppose with his

entrepreneurial background we kind of

thought okay well we do have some

experience and some skills to bring

forward and we can kind of merge the two

obviously with me working with within

the luxury goods sector as well we could

kind of bring those together combined to

not block my gift brilliant okay so how

did the build my gift idea come about

then so advisers just touched on you

look at your skills and what you can

both bring to the table how did this

concept come about because I want the

listeners to understand this I have used

this so it's not something that I'm just

saying yes oh good yeah gift it makes my

life so much easier yeah because when it

comes to giving gifts for loved ones and

stuff it's literally if it's for you for

your parents or you you're at the heart

and go and they just let all these

amazing wonderful things but again I'll

let you guys go into that yeah so how

did the idea come about I think that my

cousin actually was in hospice talk this

is going back at the beginning of the

year we launched and and we were mulling

over you know what's what's a good gift

to give her you know flowers and things

and so standard these days and the same

old thing and a lot of hospitals

actually don't even allow him and we

were thinking and rats was thinking you

know wouldn't it be nice if I could just

get a few things from different places

and put a gift together and build a nice

box for her and but it would just take

me forever and I was like that'll take

you for a ages and hey who's got time to

shop around and to do the research to

find a box to wrap it up make it look

nice and then send it that's it there's

so much effort and time and maybe you

will get the odd person who's willing to

do that but 99% of people think you know

that's a bit much and then we said you

know there's nothing out there that's

like that there's nothing out there that

actually fits that kind of gap in the

market that we're thinking and then we

modeled it over B research and research

and research you know it's important to

do that and we've thought it over and we

you know the name was important and the

website and everything and so yeah

that's how it really came about that's

interesting so that's your story behind

it there I never actually knew that one

yeah one of the reasons I support is

because I always support my friends and

family's businesses as I always advocate

people should do and it is a fantastic

thing like I've used it once also this

is so easy this year

and then why did is a Tamil mom to do

yeah so I'm trying to spread the weight

but I think that story's really

important as well

yeah because I'm pretty certain there's

there's listeners out there who have got

that same predicament whether it's

somebody in hospital or whether it's

just that special occasion or something

and you guys I mean through your website

and stuff you just make life so much

easier it's trying to bring people

together make relationships stronger

basically that's what you know the

premise of the business that's what it's

all about the foundation I've built my

gift it's trying to keep people

connected and we've got orders coming in

from you know Australia to be delivered

in London from the UK to be delivered in

New York so it really is connecting

people all around the world yeah because

I think a big part of us as a couple and

maybe you know our culture in general is

relationships meet you know should be

strong Kingdom strong and and I always

believe that you know you might not

always see each other but if you message

each other or send a gift you know

something between you have relationship

is so strong and that's the whole

premise like Russ said about don't my

gift it's all about letting that person

know you thinking about them and you

know we make it easy you know it's it's

I don't want to obviously boast about is

that it wouldn't make it so easy and and

you know it's literally three steps and

it's done so so he was the brains behind

was it I would say Russ to be honest I

haven't heart you know Russ is

definitely more creative yeah she she

has been the forefront of the business

and I still divide my time between this

business and my family business okay

which it means sometimes you know my

brain is a bit it's hard to juggle the

tooth and whatnot but rath definitely is

someone who knows what she's doing when

it comes to business yeah fantastic okay

so what I want to know then so I like to

understand the life of an entrepreneur

and successful people and like their

daily habits because I'm just I'm just

intrigued by that because I think as a

listen if there's somebody out there who

wants to perhaps become an entrepreneur

do something out of the norm I think

habits and discipline is really

important at least for myself so what's

a day

in BMG no my gift for you both from the

moment you wake up oh there's no another

thing any entrepreneur will say there's

no day is the same really and it could

be kind of you know one of our peak

occasions so Christmas Valentine's

Mother's Day and all we'll be doing is

orders preparation of orders to get

those out you know there might be other

things such as top management we may be

out and we may have a day full of

meetings so business development you

know networking opportunities it really

really does vary day to day to be honest

in value and you split your time are you

doing two separate things or are you

kind of working together on those tasks

that you mentioned that we do work

together so if we if we have you know

focusing on business development for a

day we'll always try and set aside at

least a day a week or a day fortnight

where we are going to take you know take

time out of the business to go out and

about and meet people say potential

customers potential corporate clients

things like that really and also

potential suppliers too but again you

know if it's orders we take time when we

work together to ensure that those

orders are fulfilled and we get those

out then time what we tend to do is the

night before every single night before

the next day we'll make a list pretty of

what we're going to do the next day Russ

is kind of the king the king of about

jobs and I'd like to do that I think we

beat one thing that's very similar about

us is we'd like to take off listen we

like to cross things off you know the

longer the list the more you think that

morning actually this is what we've got

head this day organized

you know if it's a meeting that day we

will be you know make sure that we take

a laptop and that we if we're going on a

train we go Wi-Fi and we're still

emailing constantly got to be you've got

to be available for customers for

suppliers for potential clients as well

corporate clients are always on the go

you know we're always available on the

phone or an email as well whether you

know we're gonna meet teens or whatnot

for their yeah I think that's a really

important point because that rise

touched on being an entrepreneur

nowadays the same mm-my probably worst

trait is that I find myself firefight in

every day so the day kind of dictates me

hmm it doesn't happen all the time when

I'm disciplined and I've got my routine

I kind of do what you guys do I'm in

full flow and I enjoy it so that's

something I'd recommend to listeners

just plan your day before because what

happens is you wake up you pick up your

phone you look at your Facebook and your

emails and all of a sudden you're

responding to the world as opposed to do

what you need to do in order to move

forward so that's really interesting

just on that then so I know this I know

the answer but just for the listeners

could you just then maybe tell us some

of the clients that you work with

because I've seen some big names and

you've done some amazing things and

we're really fortunate and lucky to be

working with some great corporate

clients out there at the moment and more

recently we've just secured an

opportunity with Adobe so one of the

biggest tech firms in the world really

so we're really excited at the

opportunity to be working for them

another kind of couple of clients we've

got a courier and logistics firm that we

work with so and BJ's home delivery we

work with a local business in Cheshire

we're web-based to flow create and we

are also working with the Dorchester

Hotel in London - wow that's fantastic

and you've also been in shops as well

yeah so we did a pop-up store over

Christmas in Topshop and Oxford High

Street I can ask that yeah holidays and

I mean it was a it was a massive massive

thing for us you know it was the

flagship store and we couldn't have been

in a more centralized position in the

whole world essentially comes to look

great

as far dessert and we were you know we

were stretched I'm be honest respectin

and a whole operation to London but it

was it was a massive thing so it's a

huge kudos to a company to be there

absolutely yeah and you just said you a

firefighter I suppose sometimes that's

how you learn yeah and obviously next

time you're better equipped yeah I'm

your person no that's fantastic

okay so we've touched on just a couple

of ups and downs there as with an

entrepreneur it's a life of ups and

downs for anyone that tells you

different they're lying at least that's

my opinion yeah definitely yeah what's

been the main obstacle and since

starting your journey in build my gift

and how did you overcome this well last

year we featured for the first time on

TV this morning which is a massive thing

but you don't realize how much different

it actually happens to you when it

happened we were like okay this is big

yeah you know are we you use this and

lytx tool that tells you how many

visitors you have on the site and and

you were used to usually seeing maybe

double figures maximum is going to

triple figures and I was flying this

flying this is at one time you know

visitors to the site at a time and it

was flying to the extent where the site

crashed and you know okay that's one

thing but a number of orders came in not

hundreds of orders that come in and we

were like okay this is amazing you know

we made it this is amazing but then you

suddenly realize well we've got to

fulfill these orders and Mother's Day is

around the corner Mother's Day I think

they add right on the Wednesday and

Mother's Day was on the Sunday bearing

in mind Saturday delivery isn't really

an option

mm-hmm unless people have paid extra I

was eating into your you know you would

give profits really so you know

operationalize it was a very big

challenge you know at the time that was

just the two of us we had family support

but you know family will always support

you but they'll never know the business

like you do boss of course um so yeah

although it was an obstacle I think it

was a great opportunity as well but a

really good learning curve I didn't

anticipate the demand and it was it was

great you can never know that demand

you know anyone unless they've been in

that world that before they will never

know of course what will happen and our

business although it's make it simple

it's easy we put a lot of effort into

each gift we want it to look nice we

want it to be special when that person

opens it so you know when you've got

hundreds of orders to do it's difficult

to achieve

you know you've got to find a balance

basically and it was I mean we we did it

up until about 5:00 a.m. that my two

hours and we're up at 7:00 a.m. you

gotta work with over there yeah yeah you

know recommendation and loyalty and

reviews of massive businesses like any

e-commerce business and and for us you

know you've got to make sure you do it

right

fantastic and I can't promise you the

same recognition as this morning from

this podcast just to get at least five

six whatever it is because I'm very

confident that whoever does buy

something from yourselves similar to

myself don't be a repeat customer yeah I

mean when I signed six months ago

done it like three or four times yeah

and it like I said it's so much easier

than googling around and then trying to

fit something from Amazon there's

something from eBay or whatever it is

so yeah you know I would say you know at

least one in ten customers is a repeat

guys taking time to really make sure

that you think about how you present it

because it's presented a nice and

definitely all packaged in there

everything yes I'm fantastic good stuff

okay so what's the best thing about

owning your own business I think the

flexibility to make decisions your way

ultimately if you're employed by

somebody else you have a manager who you

need to maybe cross-reference something

with and the final decision on certain

certain matters will be made by their

more people more senior to you and so

really all of the decisions in our

business are made by us so having that

freedom to do that really it's quite

nice would you agree money I think yeah

definitely I think another thing that I

love about this business is the fact

that you meet new people you know you're

meeting people you're growing your

network

before we started this journey I do feel

as that as much as you know people

you're very close as a person you you

only want to know people who you kind of

bump into already in life and whatnot

you're not going you're not putting

yourself out there you're not really you

know attending events and parties that

we are now you know you don't know

you're not really experiencing that side

of life and then now we do we put

ourselves out there we attend award

shows we attend networking events we

attend meeting after meeting with

massive corporate people who we never

would have met before and you know I

sometimes that can pitch myself and

think well you know we're just in the

Dorchester Hotel absolutely meeting you

know they're client services director

and when when would we ever I was just

talking to her about cricket you know it

kind of opens a whole new world for you

and which is only become possible

because of this business and the hard

work you guys have wait that's right

yeah and the worst thing about owning

your own business so you're not going to

know everything about running the

business I suppose and it's always going

to be bookkeeping that's the worst thing

you know paperwork and the admin side of

things and that can be quite heavy and

you want to be focused on doing all the

creative fun elements of the business

but you also have to keep those gaps you

do the basics as well

I can't think actually what what else

would I would say sometimes I do think

that you know with us being married mmm

the business has taken over a lot of our

conversation a lot of recipes you know

pressing and everything in our lives

because it's just that it's a massive

part of us sometimes I don't know Russ

sometimes feels this as well as that you

know has it almost become as if you know

our business has become us and we've

lost each you know as a couple who we

work for that it kind of it's hard to

remember a time before the business

although we haven't you know it's only

been two years or so but it's hard to

remember a time when it was just me and

her and I understand that yeah I

understand that for a simple fact that

I've obviously try to juggle multiple

businesses myself yeah my wife works

full-time and then she's coming home to

another

for business and literally we don't see

each other as we're in the same house

but and if we do see each other in fact

it's probably from our peripheral vision

because we're like this yeah and I

forward and we're just way it happens

they're working that we're on where they

said that and today actually it's the

first time we're going for a meal and

I'm actually really looking forward to

it because similar to what you just said

there I was like cher like we haven't

spoke about life we're just us or

anything you don't want it you don't

want to forget that yeah and this was up

to you I was gonna ask you guys so I can

imagine it is brilliant because your

best mates you're married and you you're

on this vision and you creating this

amazing business but then you are gonna

have that aspect of the whole you must

do bicker do you have I think you know

as any relationship you will always have

your little bickering moments but I

think when it comes to the business we

always put those aside no matter what

because we share that common goal and

we're so motivated and determined to

make that success so you know we may

have had a small little petty argument

over something but when it comes to the

business we move on I think the business

helps and hinders and those things that

it helps in the sense that and sometimes

library said if you've got it you know

any any couple could sometimes have a

minor minor it should be deter but if

you've got a common goal that common

love which is the business you put

everything aside for the business and

you know you get over something ego

asari quick so listen what moves this

business for exactly exactly and you

gotta think you could have been mature

and you've got to think you know forget

yeah you know forget that my food was

calm and but you know similarly because

we are working together in a business

24/7 you spend so much time with each

other you talk constantly even when

you're not with each other we're texting

about the business or not it can lead to

sometimes you know you know minor

disagreements the wrath sometimes has

her opinion on something sometimes I

have my opinion on how we should do

something and you are gonna have that

kind of election that's inevitable I

know two people who work in a business

who aren't married are gonna have that

same issues absolutely absolutely so

yeah yeah

you know each of this opinion and

actually then finding a middle ground

but the fact that we're married allows

us to kind of be honest you know if

you're if you're doing if you're running

a business with somebody that you don't

know so well or as a friend

it's can be awkward how about you sage

have that conversation or be honest as

they'd like I don't like your idea you

know I don't think you do the right

thing here but with me and Rass you know

we've known each other for so long voice

of course you can be so honest I'll say

exactly - yeah and that she dances ah

that's good but you know that you you

know you have that kind of love for that

person that you accept what they say

sometimes you know you might take a bit

but then it's fine because you're

married in this you know it's this no

more so and at the end of the day and

the key thing is you both want each

other to win that's right and you both

want to win and I I did that sigh you

know I've had to put my ego aside and

stuff as occurs sometimes you wanna win

the argument and I was immature back in

the down I was always trying to win the

argument where is now it's like if I win

the argument and upset my wife then who

really wins here like anything we both

release so now it's like actually I want

that person to win so let's just look at

it rationally hmm and then what muses

Falls so yeah exactly exactly a nothing

very mature yeah yeah I love it

okay so one piece of advice that you

could give to somebody now who's maybe

thinking you know I'm in a nine-to-five

similar to how you guys could have been

denied two fives coming out of

university raspberry they're ten masters

so you think in I'm gonna just jump into

a job what advice would you give them

just one piece of advice in terms of

going into entrepreneurship I would say

make sure you know exactly your industry

that you're going into research your lot

yeah your market your competitors what

you're offering you know make sure it's

it's something that you know that

industry inside out because if you take

a risk and you go for something like

that and you know you kind of fall short

a little bit you know your first

impressions everything to people if you

don't get your website up to scratch and

if it is an e-commerce business for

example or if you don't know what you're

doing is in meetings and things and you

kind of you leave a lasting impression

your first impression is important he'll

be spend a lot of time perfecting our

process our offering as a product the

brands that we work with and the website

tweaking and tweaking we delayed our

launch and we delayed and delay the

people who like what you're doing you're

gonna miss Christmas you know what

you're doing and but we were like it's

important that the website is top-notch

because if it's not people will remember

and then work on that of course you've

got premium products yeah exactly yeah I

mean our business is all about you know

premium and while known brands and if

you want to work alongside those brands

and you want to come across like that

you need to make sure there is no

amateur and nothing is along the chain

because that's your market audience yes

I would say that personally mm-hmm

ya know 100 percent I mean although we

had the initial concept I'd say at the

start of 2017

it was researching that and then you

know going into launch so it was a lot

of back-and-forth a lot of perfecting

and getting things right and we didn't

get it perfect even then you know and

yes you may launch a business and thing

actually yes this is great but it's

taking on board feedback from customers

from the people around you your network

and and continuously improving on that

as well I agree I love the word perfect

exists in terms of like business or no I

ever you do because there's always

something and we are our own biggest

critics as well ya know something and

what we always try and do is the best

that we can do in that moment

ya know in hindsight we let this history

you know I lost can't be my time that I

said oh I wish I'd said that yeah sure

than that and we even on the way here

said let's make a few notes because I

don't want to leave this podcast and

think oh you know what I could have

given this advice I think you won't

forget happens in the time you have

forget to ask you something yeah but is

what it is but hopefully after this

you'll get people reaching out to you

guys

sliding into DMS and then more

importantly easing bill my gift so yeah

definitely you'll be fine okay so what's

your motivation then moving forward now

to the end of this year what one thing

would you like to happen

they really grow the corporate side of

the business and when we first launched

bill my gifts it was focused on the BTC

market and that's the online platform

that we had but you know BTC for the

listeners join expand on that sorry yes

mr. consumer market side of the business

so and we had the online platform of

course but for us you know we really do

see there is potential and opportunity

for the corporate side of our business

and to continue growing and building on

that is really really important for us I

think oh yeah yeah definitely I think we

see a lot of potential with corporate

and weddings I don't know if you've

noticed we've started working with more

and more businesses like you said and

and wedding planners and things like

that and when we first launched the

business we didn't have any idea about

this thing you know we we felt like it

was an opportunity said we needed a gift

that we wanted to give someone and we

just thought I wouldn't be nice for an

everyday person to have to access this

and no idea that you know this this kind

of a kind of model would work for

businesses it would work for events and

work for wedding for couples all sorts

of things and as you go along you learn

more and more and we've really grown

that side of the business especially

back end of last year and the beginning

of this year I mean we've really pushed

on and I know twelve months from now

we'll be like well last year we really

yeah and you're probably over another

opportunity were you thinking yeah we

never thought this exactly yeah and

that's the beautiful thing

yes games and and it gives you it gives

you a lot of hope and it gives you a lot

of confidence that yeah you know this

business model has a lot of avenues to

pursue and you know we're not done yeah

absolutely just to start yeah exactly

fantastic okay

okay fantastic so you've heard the

buzzer go off now so now we're at the

fun part of the show and again I've

never done this before with two

different people so I'm gonna do is I'm

gonna put rather money through their

paces for 60 seconds asking them the

most random questions okay and in true

family fortune style you can't repeat

the same answer advice okay money yep

cool I'm gonna start with you Reza

we're gonna go in three two one romance

or comedy romance comedy Italian or

Chinese Italian I hate Chinese

favourite place you've been together

rube oh yeah

cinema or bowling both the ability to

fly or be invisible invisible be

invisible

what is your partner's best trait I love

no he's really good-hearted I think

thinks about everybody a little bit when

you're fame fame has never interested me

guess money no money what is your

biggest addiction success that Pixar

YouTube Netflix Snickers or Mars

neither favorite TV show there's a show

that Love Actually is so it's actually

really rubbish but I love it it's called

Peep Show

Ecore languages will be able to speak to

animals speak all languages episode your

biggest fear failure your biggest

inspiration I always am massively

inspired I think we both are by you know

to name an entrepreneur expose you so

there's a stationary brand Swedish

Swedish station on Van kekeke a said the

owner of that I think she's massively

inspirational we've been listening to

her podcast as well

you should get yourself on there as well

absolutely and your favorite BMG gift I

personally like the kind of the cocktail

sets okay yeah I think they look really

nice and they're quite cool for anyone

who's into you know hosting parties and

things like that could be yours

bottle of champagne nice and if you can

sit with one person in the world for an

hour who would it be

Michelle Obama Will Smith would you

rather know how you would die or when

you will die when if you could abolish

one thing in the world what would it be

greed I think and kind of selfishness

expectation what is your favorite song

ever Beyonce and jay-z crazy alone oh

yeah so one song naturally yeah I listen

to for motivation miscible random it's

57th from his film get rich or die

trying' I just think it's very

motivational

is it the gym that I use it I get

generally if you're feeling a bit it's

lumpy that day I guess you guys lumpy

yeah finally

would you rather read minds or predict

the future and yeah read more deep voice

yeah okay brilliant how'd you find out

kind of questions that you you think oh

I know then I would know it it comes

down to it absolutely so you mentioned

briefly in these questions that we just

had the cocktail set could you elaborate

maybe on your sets or the kind of gifts

that people could go onto your website

find and then give to their loved ones

yeah so I am I suppose it's really for

any occasions and whether it's a

birthday gave to get well soon gift and

you home gift and you baby gift maybe

the list goes on so any occasion we've

pretty much got it covered and at the

moment we have more than 500 products

that you can go on and select and build

her own gifts we also have a prebuilt

gift section so if you want it to be

even more easier than it already is you

can literally select one of our

pre-built gifts and check out fantastic

anything time I mean yeah I mean like I

said we've got massive array of products

but we're always looking to expand we're

always looking to you know what's one

trend what's cool what can fit for

different types of people for different

types of budget for different types of

occasions and you know that's that's the

beauty of Bill my gift there's this very

rare that you can find everything all in

one place and um you know you you could

shop for your mom's 50th but at the same

time you're

neighbors had a new baby then you can

buy the both gifts at the same time all

in the same place but then within five

minutes you know and it's really simple

we've got a massive range of products

that help stores every occasion so yeah

I mean like russ explained I think

that's I think that's everything yeah

there you go so it's like kind of like a

one-stop shop one-stop shop yeah I just

want to touch on something that you

mentioned there is all you've got 500

products and you're also open

potentially to other products as well

yes and we're always growing our product

portfolio always looking to take on new

brands again as we've been to 2019 we've

you know been in touch with several new

brands and we're going to be taking them

on board and introducing them to the

sites they're always open to new

fantastic so if anyone's out there with

a product or something as well maybe get

in touch with it's definitely definitely

we always were always approached by by

you know companies as members who have

products and we are very open and we're

not dismissive we will always at least

give it a chance to look at it and read

up on it and if we fill is something

that adds value to our business and to

our you know offering as a gift box then

definitely we'll look into it really

yeah like Russ said we've taken on I

think two or three new brands in 2019

it's all about staying fresh and yeah

absolutely yeah no no it's really

inspiring and just all concept obvi I

mean we started the interview and you

spoke initially about the story behind

it and how you were saying how difficult

it's gonna be to get a couple of gifts

together like a hamper set that's right

get it all coordinated here you are now

with 500 products I just find that

really yeah yes very passionately I

think sometimes we're we're so here and

now and we don't think you know the

achievement to get here yeah absolutely

that's my only lunch produced right yeah

because we're always seeking what's next

that's where I forget yet we're always

we're so used to seeing most products

that they're that we don't even think

just look back and think look at all

that how we got I remember your first

snapchat summit yeah yeah yeah you guys

yeah you know at the beginning of my

remember what we what was our first I

think we used to have supplies that now

why why did we even have those things at

least that got us through the door you

know and we're lucky I mean I'm very

lucky that I you know through our family

businesses I've connection for some

wholesalers who then allowed us the

opportunity to kind of get stock in

Andrus has a connection with luxury

companies and from her previous jobs

which have allowed his connections there

so it is really about making use of your

contacts absolutely and then growing

your network in absolutely ivory your

net worth is based on your network

that's right and sometimes we fail to

actually tap into our own network mm-hmm

and even myself so from property

perspective I didn't realize how many

plumbers I knew how many conveyance is

that I knew like brokers all within like

my family it was only when you start

coming out and you saying I'll do this

and then people start reaching out to

you so I'd always implore people like

there to kind of firstly understand your

network and then your networks then work

because that's where the magic is

definitely yeah actually really just

before we get to the final question and

that always I tasked my guess is about

reflection so if you guys could go back

maybe to when you first I'd bill my gift

and that first idea came and you knowing

everything you don't know what one piece

of advice would you whisper in the ears

of yourselves I think be more bold and

just put yourself out there I love that

yeah again like I said you know you go

to events and things in at the beginning

we were maybe bit hesitant engagement of

people and build your network and but we

realized as time goes on that is so

important to do those things and so I

would definitely say that as well yeah

fantastic

brilliant so sadly work the last

question now of the interview so yeah if

Finn hundred fifty years time science

fails to save us and all that's left is

a book and it's about your life and it

explains to your journey a little bit

about you basically your inspiring story

what would the title be and what would

be blown say to make somebody want to

pick it up and read it

so we did give this a little bit thought

and so I think it would be good things

happen to good people

hmm I think I was I would like it to say

I think I've always been somebody who

likes to see the good in everything and

do good by people and so I'd like to be

remembered for that as well love that

okay I'm not gonna put you on the spot

if you both had that together would you

agree is that kind of where you you'd

want to be remember yeah definitely I

think you know there's there's an

entrepreneurship but there's also you

know your life and in life we both try

to be good people we try to do right by

our family and everyone around us and it

is difficult sometimes to balance

everything you know you want to be

selfish sometimes and think about

yourself and think about your business

but you have to think about everything

you know the grand scheme of things

and balance everything and do the right

thing which I think we both do I think

we agree we always think you know other

repercussions to this you know should we

do this should we do that and I think if

in 20 years time 100 years time like and

we used to look back and people would

say you know what they made the right

decision by everybody they didn't just

think about themselves and this door was

successful diversity a lot of stories

they're successful but they've had to

make a lot of enemies along the way you

know they've had to be very selfish and

I'd like to think that we weren't those

people we look good people you are

fantastic so before I close this show

what I want to do is give you an

opportunity to connect with the

listeners of the show and vice versa so

what's the best places that listeners

can reach out to yourselves

is it your personal profiles is it build

my gift yes so I think people can get in

touch with us by visiting the website

there's a contact us form they can reach

out to us by Instagram so it's app build

my gift - mm-hmm and the website is it's

wwl my gift calm dusty yeah we have like

a live chat facility on the website as

well if anyone wants to you know get a

quicker answer I'll be more than likely

to respond quickest on there like Russ

said our Instagram is I'll probably a

bigger social handle yeah we also

respond by our Facebook and Twitter but

in surroundings our biggest thing so if

anyone wants to get in touch this app

bill my gift fantastic and you've also

got all loads of black amazing forwards

instagramers oh yeah I mean everything's

everything you know a to Zed if you want

a quick snapshot on the company just

visit hit our Instagram and you can see

we're very very much a visual company

and Instagram is a big driver for us

yeah fantastic so we're at the end of

the show and this has been it's been

exciting for me it's a it's good to see

you guys I'm very proud of how far you

guys have come thank you in this

business it's it's inspiring hearing

like the ins and outs of it as well I

definitely urge my listeners just check

it out on Instagram go on the website

because you just find that yourself just

adding all these wonderful things which

is lived--and I'm excited now you've got

more products as well so again it's

something that I use I got it I've got

photos of it I've got proof in case oh

yeah this isn't the Hat absolutely yeah

really it's something that I I believe

in if I didn't believe in it I wouldn't

I wouldn't send it out there get

obviously then my reputation is on the

line as are so it's a fantastic thing

thank you guys

once again thank you for having us like

sharing my story about you sharing your

story sorry but hopefully you know your

listeners you know can resonate with

what we've been through and what which

I'm sure they will absolutely because I

think we're all going to be that kind of

thing in there in our daily struggles

and life and stuff and you know

instagrams a different thing because you

only see the highlights that's right

we look to hear you guys kind of just

tell us a little bit about what yeah she

goes on yeah behind closed doors so

thank you once again and forever and a

whole thanks for listening thank you and

remember this podcast is absolutely free

so all we asked in return is for you to

share this with a friend and drop us a

five star review over on iTunes have an

awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why you need to work hard to achieve your dreams #9

Mon, 18 Feb 2019 05:55:51 GMT

Find your voice - Episode 9 -"We came with a suitcase & a dream" - T

Tagline: "We came with a suitcase & a dream"

Uplifted from Zimbabwe T and his family chased the American Dream for a better future.

T puts this perfectly when he explains the silent example he learnt from his parents to be a driving force in his life - hard work. Coming from extremely humble beginnings T knew his best chance at changing his own future and that of his families would be to work harder than those around him.

Unable to speak english and ridiculed early on by children and undervalued by teachers T began to embrace hard work and the struggle finding true beauty in outworking those around him.

Now a successful social worker, bodybuilder and an all round great guy T's future is brighter than ever as he seeks to help inspire others and teach them to never let anyone elses opinions dictate their ceilings of success and to always embrace hard work.

T also speaks of the oppresive lifestyle he was part of growing up and the struggles of learning a new culture, language and fitting into society. However having studied closely with T for 2 years there are very few more genuine souls I have come across.

I urge you all to support and follow his journey...

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Links to guest:

Snapchat: Catchafreeman

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/passion4lifting/

Transcript:

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren do what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aren and as always I am the

host of the show

so today's guest is somebody who I met

about four years ago on my social weight

journey so yes

prior to me starting property business

and coaching I was actually a social

worker for a very very short amount of

time but about two weeks ago t reached

out again and he was commenting on one

of my earlier episodes and how he found

it very inspiring and then he asked if

he could be on the show of course was

the answer but I was intrigued because

knowing T at university during our two

years studying a masters he was always

the one in the class that would make

people smile he was always smiling yet

somewhere deep down I knew there was

some element of struggle some level of

adversity that he had been through but

you could never guess what it was

because like I said he was always the

one that would make all our classmates

smile he was always easy come easy go

he's really getting stressed and he was

just a pleasure to be around

so when he offered to share his story I

was intrigued because I knew there was

gonna be something that was going to be

inspiring and motivating and he didn't

disappoint

this episode was fantastic one because I

got to see my good friend again but two

because I realized how lucky and

fortunate I am and probably many of you

listeners are too so I think it's

important we jump straight into this

episode and listen to what he has to say

and really understand that sometimes the

grass isn't always greener on the other

side

and that we do actually have an

unbelievable amount of things to be

grateful for

okay so I'm sitting here now with my

good friend T so if you could explain

actually firstly how you doing not seem

bad might not see where I'm glad to be

here goodness doesn't he answer that I

completely forgot to ask him how he was

so I think it's important for the

listeners to you understand a little bit

about your journey and how you progress

through life so if you could just start

from I suppose your first memory I kind

of let us know the life of T of Katonah

okay that's all right mrs. IND thinking

me you know I don't usually speak I'm

not so good at speaking but I know the

end of this if I can inspire this one

person great that's my job here done and

I come from very very very humble

beginnings well I say that I'm still I'm

still here humble beginnings now I'm not

made it yet but we are making progress

my parents my mom moved here in 2003

beans involved in bad way yes yes and

you know we came here okay with a

suitcase and a dream it was a case of

the economy was on see a great over

there so before you know I yeah what's

the next big thing and you know this was

this was their two children at the time

and like most people I found out found

out that working hard was the way to

their you know American dream so to

speak yeah yeah anyone can say

absolutely um you know the first lessons

that I want C to share with you guys

some of the islands from a parents

hadn't moved here is that you know

you've gotta work hard you have to work

cuz I grew up in a house where you know

I was watching my parents work day in

day our worst and continue to work hard

day and night to make sure that me and

my sister would not go with the help you

know they were breaking their backs and

freed out I said I had a front row seat

in learning you know a hard work I was

like takes yeah you know start from the

bottom

remember back home there had really

prestigious jobs but the KVN had to

start from the bottom literally start at

the foundation level okay okay so can I

just jump in there so yeah back home you

had prestigious jobs was it still not

enough in order to fulfill the dreams

that they had I'm glad to think that

they probably did it with us in mind

okay because the way that the fins would

go in I reckon if they continued working

things would have been okay for them but

then by the time you came to us growing

up and working things might not be so

good for us you know something they had

us in mind to build our futures because

we were gonna have better opportunities

that make sense here and you know some

people choose that's why you see there's

so many people now I'll try that risking

their lives day in day out trying to get

to the UK or you know these the

different countries in the West cuz

opportunities are there that's been at

home yeah we don't know how lucky we are

sometimes we don't and we take things

for granted even take things for granted

so it's so easy wake up sahaja lotta G

but there's someone diapers opportunity

that we wake up every day as well you

know wake up every day dream someone's

dying for this you know yeah we're more

about our jobs and what we spoke about

is actually yeah and it's that thing of

we take things for granted man you know

anyway I digress

I'm saying I had a front-row seat

watching what it really takes to be able

to drive but you want an understanding

fundamental that in this country you can

give anything you wanted if and only if

you're willing to make the sacrifices

and pull your socks up like I said

people are risking their lives trying to

sneak and use the abundance of

opportunities that were presented with

so the lesson I want to convey to you

guys today is that there's nothing more

powerful than that Silas example and for

me that sounds example was my parents

they never told me that you know when we

came here absolutely this is what

yesterday we were just watching yeah I

just had to watch all thinking okay you

know yeah weekend that is working in my

mom is working you know we're just

watching that work as powerful

there's a quote and I think it says

don't listen to what they say watch what

they do and that's what it is and that's

with anything in mind because you get a

lot of people are just talking the talk

and stuff

sounds great we really if it sounds

before the action yeah it's the action

they can talk it you know gay men but

when it comes to doing it's a different

story and for me from that is where I

learned that parents as parents and my

parents yeah but as parents be afraid to

let your kids watch you fail or watch

you start from the bottom and watch you

sweat cause we taking inspiration comes

every day we learn Oh strong strong work

ethic I think that's I think that's a

powerful lesson because one of them like

I said to a lot of people my superpower

I believe everyone's got a super fine I

use that as an analogy or metaphor is I

just work hard that's it

I don't have anything else good I'm not

naturally more talented at something

else but I will most likely I work most

people because I've seen my mom do it

I've seen her with 90 hours a week when

we were growing up I used to see her

around I'm thinking where's mom

and it should come from breakage that

getting changed into our next - she's

back after work yeah and I'm not talking

about later I'm talking Saturday Sunday

I'm talking in the six weeks holidays I

think that's really important I think we

should set an example of the real life

and not trying to hide things for my

kids that's it in order to try and

protect them because actually you could

actually giving them a good thing

there's no such thing as an overnight

sensation no such being people you have

to work you know some people are lucky

enough to be born in rich families and

whatnot but majority of us we have to

work her way up

mm-hmm and for me I'd like to say that's

probably one of the best solid examples

of my life and that's made me who I am

today because it's me you know yeah I'm

not gonna be product of my circumstances

and I'm gonna be so the master of my

destiny I'm saying that now but back

then it was not like that in the sensor

for example you know when I first came

here I came when I was about 10 years

old started in year six I'm going to

school not knowing English that well

because English is the second language

okay but we do not have to speak it at

much because we don't need sing of

course you know we just have good lesson

English enough

so came here and yes 6 min imagine you

know trying to learn English we were

pretty much I remember going to school

and those big clumps of bacon and then

the cheap of the cheaper version is the

cheap version because it's not little

thin slices we employ us how would you

want that was a big chunk you say see

laughter retired my gosh but it's

brilliant because again this is what it

was my character the clumps of bacon you

know wake up in the morning she made

back

try as possible wait you could imagine

it was not easy trying sliced bacon as

you put it on that sound good share I'll

get to school so I said I do not know

some of the things that were deemed to

be normal in this country sometimes

frowned upon

yeah so break time think I'm a bacon

sandwich you know remember I remember

him to Clete onto the bread so hard to

prevent the whole me good bite

you know yeah I remember sometimes we'd

have pizza it would have Pete certainly

and I'll bring they left all this nice

box at my Lodge for school Broco Pizza

he and I did not know that this was not

the into the normal button but you know

it was tough for my sisters there she

was younger she started by ryaba star

square one she couldn't speak that could

be English as well so we kind of just

have each other have to try and you know

I remember sister go home she'll be

trying to read a book to try and learn

you know English I should be holding

that book upside down you know you just

start I would love a coke

bacon sandwich for those kids don't

listen Island kids kids are cruel yeah

you know meals kids are cruel that's why

there's so much bullying in school right

now it's only now right now oh no wait

if I have to you know go to work with

this is all right this is okay cuz now I

don't put down anyone's approval I'm in

that stage now where certain people's

opinion if it's not constructive it

doesn't bother me

moving on then we went to secondary

school obviously were picking up English

you know it's improving improving the

language just getting back there so we

get to school yeah do the sets in you

nine I did okay considering

yeah ten will do GCSEs okay no yes I

will do you mock GCSE means encore these

are marks and - seriously

Bastille did well in them then I

remember there was one Paris evening

goes one parents evening news in their

parents evening actually my parents were

cold from school and the teacher said

can you kiss community discussion your

son is underachievement

right okay like I told your son is

predicted to come by the end of GCSE is

to come out with four C's with this

coming from you know I'm doing well in

essence I'm always you know and can

imagine you know in my house we'd say

education very seriously and it's not

just my house is probably across the

most African families most African

countries cause in Africa education is

not free you know here privilege is a

privilege is a privilege that many

cannot afford I remember

at home kids will be sent out from

classical definitely see the

Headmaster's office or go home if you've

not paid the school fees cause some

people simply couldn't afford so you

coverton so imagine you come into this

country metal education is free and

you're messing about yeah you're not

taking advantage of the opportunity that

is presented to you witness others at

home or dying for this opportunity and

when if they are to get it they would

flourish in you know you know can we

imagine they were really disappointed

do not happy it was a case right you're

mixing about you don't take a school

education seriously from now on there'll

be no going out no playing out if you

were to play outside you know I was

acting all playing out during the week

anyway I was very impressive on the

weekends

I was allowed out on mainly just the

Saturday if his Sunday so a couple of

house I was allowed on Saturday but

before I did that I had to do you know

those PGCC books yeah I had to do

certain number of pages of them before I

could go out and I had to get it right

and I used to think why they doing this

to me why me you know all my friends at

help then when I did go out I don't have

to care if you have to be 4i either six

or seven even some other stars blazing

hot at 7:00 p.m. you have to be able to

seven I don't think it's himself why are

they doing this to me why me you know I

used to moan about it wasn't impressed

but then it's funny now when I go back

because obviously at that age you know

more than your parents don't you another

thing that you know yeah but what I do

there now and the kind of people that

were staying out so midnight what they

were doing to midnight I'm not comparing

myself to them I'm just saying I'm glad

that my parents did that I'm glad that

they did that for me because

so for me as well if I was one of them

kids someone invited prison some of them

are just doing all kinds of business you

know anyway absolutely predictions I

think that is an important point though

that we should stress because I was the

same so I went to tip it up which is

where you live now I think I still live

there and I had like best friends and

you think you never gonna get friends

better than this and I want to go to

Thibodeau comp and at that time I was

doing well academically so my parents

were like okay we're gonna send you to

grammar school the helis grammar school

then I found out he was all-boys school

but that way he's going through puberty

exciting to find the opposite sex

attractive and I was like here I go to

an all-boys school and I went and I

resented it I resented the decision for

ages I'm gonna hate it but in hindsight

similarly yourself now that got me into

a very good university even what my

grades weren't great because I had that

my CV it also taught me a lot about how

you should conduct yourself in certain

situations not all of it was positive

but also been there I've got some of my

best friends and I'm talking about

friends you on the right side of the law

okay when I look back at if I'd run

tv.com and I look at my friends there

there were stabbings there was prison

there was drugs with the community that

I grew up with so I don't know would I

have been brave enough with and stepping

away from friends who have grown up with

or what I've just got involved in that I

don't know we'll never know but I'm kind

of grateful that I went my way and life

has brought me here so yeah Paris I

think they always try to do the best

that they know but at that time you

don't see oh man angry I mean they never

even played football there and as a kid

I was like a hotshot footballer

apparently and I've got to defeat every

all my dreams I'm kind of crushed in

that moment yeah but then also some

wonderful thing and now I kind of think

you know what actually my life isn't too

bad and I suppose it's perspective and

it's a age and as you grow you can you

can spin anything I suppose in a good

way that's and yeah sorry continue

well in that sense I think it man so

close so close you know we are ta 11 we

do GCSEs I come out with two A's B's and

C's yeah I don't know how much that I

had to do with all the extra homework

that I had to do because of that meeting

being cold but I saw so smug towards my

teachers thinking oh okay there's your

four C's you know we came from Revere oh

yeah yeah you know that figure of

putting their limitations or

expectations on me you know not picking

I love me yes okay great this was it for

me I think actually today today best

achievement I worked hard for that

please repeat in a school of how many

people to be the top and you know be

another one from where you start exactly

that's the thing as well Stan journey

knowing you know came here barely being

able to speak a word of English and now

here I am being told you're the example

student you know that was big for me and

that's why to this day is still one of

our biggest achievements

that we call to college to a-levels

doing a-levels breaking those I don't

know teacher see you because doing the

hub behaves on son who's come a bit of a

joker yeah sometimes I like to say a

joke sometimes might be inappropriate

times when I like to crack a joke about

this has been interviews where they're

going to just cracking jokes yeah

probably cause ya know the swamp and

semen college where my mom comes in

friends dad came in as well and I

remember as we're going out he was going

out my mom was coming in so I'm still

mom kind of knew what to expect

yeah and in there it was some kind of

exactly what the predictions were but it

was no great again he was no quotes

he was no great January exams so you

know that's Jennifer Connelly Wingate's

caucuses in January exams like three

months either one now and I remember

there was a law exam I was ready to go

see I thought exam was a 2 p.m. or

something I don't know what in my mind

[Laughter]

anyway so you just told me you know

check what time you exactly hmm

and this time is about half nine when

zone was at 9 o'clock

yeah you know I had breakfast heaven or

breakfast yeah

so we get to school and we get to

college which is about half an hour

drive on a good day

this one's not good dangos of the snow

obviously so I get they have a half ten

and there's about an hour of the exam

next is going to be a two and a half

hours I'll run for it

I'm not oh please I'm going to be naked

no exam can you please let me go and see

the rest of the example you know cannot

restart it about two hours now and then

I why are you late that's odd the bus

broke down those are all round chaos -

okay we the only student from this

College in that bus yeah but you only

see the last best results came out I'll

go ahead de you yeah I got a de you au

was a mystery yeah I didn't think I did

that bad but boy come one hey you here

we go again you know I'm gonna go home

how do you go home the best thing to do

yeah so there's no nasty surprises when

I get home my parents just know I was in

a school day

you know hopefully bugs ever get home

yeah Judas thank you lot of except to

the end you know it's like go home get

home and again it was just a case of you

know yeah this time there was no right

ten is your life your life you do what

you want is worse that I got me man yeah

disappointment is worse than that guy

I'll probably get shouted midair don't

gets around disappoints in the human so

I was thinking some stuff okay so I had

to pay for the reasons are my own money

then resuts

I go in a b c in the receipts in the

summer which was great because waffle

was a leg was really the same as he said

Jesus is we can revise two weeks before

George I know Chauncey and so I learned

the hard way I'm sort of sure in the end

I got a BBC fantastically end of the ADA

was which was great which can set me on

the path to unique University and I went

to university went to Manchester did my

first degree

you've Community development's it was

great

enjoyed it then I went on to do some

work related to that words and fate of

people

mmm-hmm and it was basically a

organization which would be young people

who were born HIV and I would like to

say that it's probably the best thing

I've ever done in my life imagined job

wise and satisfaction wise cuz you know

you're making that positive impact on

people's lives and having said that you

know I am gonna keep jumping back and

forth wine yeah I know that start the

podcast was all discussed growing up in

the house were you watching people

working hard know what we know this job

in age of fourteen I remember it was a

paper round for the local newspaper in

the area and it was about 350 newspapers

every Thursday in November I wake up

first thing in the morning Wednesday

nights

first thing first day morning do about

150 use maple before going to school

come back get rid of school

go to school come back home till even

the rest of the newspaper sometimes you

saw spit into the Friday as well

depending on how fast there wasn't one

nothing and again it was that thing of

trying to get that good work ethic

instilled in me from a young age as well

so once I was you know in college I was

working as well yeah I was working them

in has to be like you know you do the

math I was pissed at it see then when I

moved to Manchester also a convention

see like I do that by state authorities

gonna work like Clark's and I moved back

home yeah because the other guys I was

working for they lost their funding and

they had to close down and I'm thinking

man was next because I've got this

degree but I know that the job prospects

are not great a ride wasn't Mickey Mouse

degree and I think you know go back I'm

one I've done the same one

maybe frequently that prospectus was a

big t fast yeah you know he's just a

case of Social Work socialized the next

thing for me that's what and that's what

we met that's what we meant

I remember the first time I see this

Social Work and being in social workers

were working in and it was back then and

I remember it was a case of also

different different environments and

they you need to remember you working

together differently when I did my

undergraduate it was a case yeah yeah

here the Masters is the case of your

help me help you

of course and I think I've seen more us

is amol that's the big man that's the

big and it was a case of my it was not

just asked he was pretty much the whole

brain sleep everyone just worked so well

to confess

and we try to make sure that if someone

did not was not doing so well we try to

pull them up why didn't his doing this

you know centrist instead of myosin

powerful is this you know yeah who's

great and again it's that thing of for

me that's where I experienced real trust

I mention your colleagues because I've

not known anything like that before I

think I'm the same but then there's a

few things that that one age will

probably or everyone's had a degree

before so you wise up a little bit but I

think also it's a testament that people

are going to become social workers

because you guys who are keep in touch

with here and there through that what's

up yourself a little bit more to be a

social worker wanna become a social

worker you've got to be a different kind

of person I believe you've gotta have

that level there's gonna be something in

your heart that makes you want to help

people so the reason you will start that

journey together was we want you to be

the best I'm socially in the world and

change the world so if we call after our

peers who are on the same path as us

then that's saying something about your

personality and there's nobody on that

course I can think of who did that we

all literally just held each other up

somebody would tell me what my choice

like come along with me and I love that

community like so yeah you know I having

said that you having said that you know

you said you have to be same kind of

person to be a social would you be

surprised you know bro really there's

some people that you see I don't think

it wait you know you'd agree yeah

everyone was great I'm sure that

everyone was great as well as you think

[Music]

but then when you get in the job there

are some people that you think where

were you and the cool so become

desensitized or

Huracan people do become desensitized

and sometimes i know that we found this

out that the job is not what we expected

it to be yeah so I think that's probably

why some people serve turn out to be a

certain way whilst on the job

yeah um you know we do the masters and

now you know I'm I'm working the job

working the job and it's going okay

basically from my story in main thing

the hours of convey is their thing of

other people's expectations

do not let people's expectations of your

other people's limitations in you become

your reality doctor so you know if

someone's a sense EE you know yeah you

do so well I don't think you're gonna be

able to do this you know that's their

expectations that doesn't mean it has to

transpire it to you absolutely

and sadly it does sadly in some cases it

does cause a self-fulfilling prophecy

yeah if you didn't shout that the bad

believin that they're bad you know

they'll probably start behaving it's

that feeling of staying in your own lane

I think that's really important people's

opinions they're all facts it's just

their belief and again their belief

isn't the truth is their truth it's not

in fact and I think I've learned that

the hard way because a lot of stuff I've

bought off for trying to do was based on

other people's opinions and I just think

now the most important opinion is the

opinion of myself I mean in movie you

have to it sounds it sounds weird as a

grown man and he stays thinking I need

to start to look at myself I need to

start valuing myself because somewhere

along the journey I stopped doing that

and the way I would I suppose look at

myself what I do myself was based on the

opinion of other people whereas now it's

like each Australian if there's a few

people in my life who their opinion

concerns me because I respect them and I

want them to think that I'm doing a good

thing but other than that it's really

about myself and that's why we touched

on prior to this episode time why'd you

stop that self-talk every morning and

have you stuff that empowers me rather

than brings me down because a lot of us

thumpings get out it wasn't actually

myself it was the opinions of others

that I would repeat to myself and say I

must be sure I must be anxious I must

not be strong enough for must not be

good enough

that's a is the mind is so powerful so I

think one of the things I want to try

and be with this podcast is always try

and get into younger heads so they don't

go through that exactly he really

switched them young because we instill

that mind saying them from a young age

isn't it yeah definitely you know and

it's not thinking of mom always says

don't let your feet go cold what she

wasn't someone else is great I love that

you know love it and it's not be enough

for example right now the time is what

time is it

11:14 11:40 11:40 in Zim it is 140 okay

it's 114 thing right now does that mean

that we're slower then we're not we're

in a different time zone we're not

slower than them you know and I said so

right you know someone graduated yeah

and they just wanted see or wait five

years before securing a good job and

someone became a CEO at the age of 25

but died at the age of 50 while someone

else became a CEO and the age of 50 and

leave till they were nine see Obama

retired as president at the age of 55

don't know Trump became president at the

age of 70 you know so everyone's in

their own time zone and people around

you they might seem like they I had a

few or some be behind you but everyone's

running the old race in their own time

so think of not being I just want to

point out quickly for the podcast he's

reading white Instagram right man ya

know but it makes so much sense which is

why we get along we think the same kind

of things so I'm sure your remains to us

[Laughter]

it's the truth but the problems with

society in like social media and stuff

is we are that in our food go cold I

suppose if you use that because we want

you cuz we're watching as a people I'm

not gonna sit here and say I don't do

that myself I'm conscious that it's not

the right thing to do six out of the

seven days a week

I don't do it but there are some days

when you get frustrated cuz you know you

want to be there but then is that thing

about trust in the process and we're

both average gym goers

we know what it's like to Broadway to

add strength to lose weight and stuff

and we know it's a process thing so so

that's really important

or what I switch gears just a little bit

we want to one of the next question

which is about routine now I always

believe where

product of our habits and the things we

tell ourselves and I think I know myself

personally but my routines on point my

days are on point and my goals and what

progression it moves forward but when

it's not it's completely off so I'm

gonna know is what's your kind of daily

routine that you do now having learned

all the lessons that you've had it since

coming from Zimbabwe to England and

going through school and then through

your social work where you probably see

more stuff than most people what's kind

of like your daily routine that keeps

you going okay wake up

people myself all been just now joking

right so obviously get on the treadmill

straightaway I get 45 minutes

frosted coffee or show a beauty show

coming up in about nine weeks where is

that show they'll be a staff to share

okay in Staffordshire then there'll be

another one two weeks after that in

staffing shared stuff and I'm not one

potentially after my Scotland you love

it yeah so at the moment I wake up to go

fasted cardio get in the shower then

have my breakfast and only just you know

breakfast I can have one to go on my way

to work

I'm going to work and probably listen to

songs because before he used to it

sounds like the radio and then I realize

that all the stars radio presenters they

irritate me

because I know guys their job or the

child or the rubbish yeah and most of it

is lies but that's what I have to do is

their job isn't it so there is anything

that's fine it's on the plate presenters

are talking I just feature a different

station with a drink and song at that

time I listen to radio for one now but

now I listen to something quite

motivational you know there's so many

motivational things that you finally

achieve and it takes me not too long to

get to work so I put that day's work is

finished and it's just climbed a little

something in my mind I've learned

something from that

Oh do and I get to work do I need to do

whilst at work you know how I can office

where people are always bringing cakes

my songs for breakfast and all this

difference and you know the donor so now

and then and I'm they even have a little

lunch boxes lunches you can have some

you're gonna have some you know and now

nobody even seems like a drink a cup of

tea they don't ask me for one because

they know that I'm not gonna have one

drink or take and condos weight so I can

teens tell me why I don't think into

idea how they're gonna say if you don't

know cause I've had these conversations

with my colleagues about you know having

the discipline to discipline and if you

are not there wish I was like you but he

can be only yesterday miss get right up

in the end until you get there you're

not gonna be able to see it starts here

it starts it starts all starts in the

head do memory right you can't you

actually can't and that's what I believe

I don't believe that you can't so you

can't you're not there until you believe

you can yeah anyway then of course the

gym after work I destroy my work out as

much as I can

go home and have a meal do it be a

reading after that cuz I've got about

two hours to find start getting ready

for bed and have my last meal and go to

bed okay that's a typical day and for me

don't get me wrong I work a stressful

job about something I think I think that

sometimes it's the stress would you make

it I'm not really a stress the stress T

person like that so for me I always try

to remain calm stay chilled and

sometimes the people that you know do

you ever like strength unlike what's

that gonna help

it's not gonna help me isn't American

things better it's not then I go see the

gym me in the gym is a space where I can

shut down you know just focus on why is

it fun to me

yeah it's a place for me there's times

that I going what gym about six times a

week

I don't want it went you know about six

times a week but now is the case of

discipline I'm just I'm there whether I

want to or that

do I wanna wake up frustrated with my

clothes every day

I don't want to see what I have to do I

do because I have seen you know people

saying are jungian up dry chicken out

dry chicken and veg again how do you

enjoy it I'm gonna enjoy I don't mean to

enjoy because nobody needs it

yeah it's about why I enjoy oh you can

season your chicken me you cannot

consistently so why don't you need to

enjoy it so have it yeah that's one that

I like that and the great thing about

that is it's transferable by anything or

anything because for me I've never

competed before these were first

bodybuilding competitions you know and

nothing to myself right

it's that pinnacle before I used to go

Jim it's just real weight you know try

and lift as heavy as I can they came

pretty strong but then what's next you

know cuz I catch a point in the gym I

think you know you know same old stuck

here for how many years not much changes

so if we know yeah jump our comfort zone

doing something that's gonna stretch

something you've never ever done before

so completes it and it's something I've

always wanted to do ok right this year

I'm gonna compete this you know is the

very first of December no sir right this

year I'm gonna compete that racism

nothing's happening so sometimes you

need to take action absolutely

absolutely

when it comes to do it that's a whole

different story some people some people

feel like they're doing push-ups oh they

getting bigger by just talking about it

oh yeah it's all pumped up the moment

and listen to motivational thing and

they're feeling grateful oh but 30

minutes per month okay now you're gonna

work and that work there and whatever it

is in life so say for instance if you

use my property for example a lot of the

stuff I do in this job it's not great

and sometimes people will look at it

from from their perspective and think oh

you've got the life you can work with

you on that listen when I accept my day

I hate doing these tasks but I have to

do it just in order to get my freedom

discipline equals freedom basically

that's how I see it

same with the gym so I'll get the smirk

remark

so you're always in the gym you're

addicted to the gym first I used to get

my back up a little bit because I didn't

want to be that guy but I'm like okay

that's fine

I'd rather be addicted to that then at

the same time similar to your son yes

I'd say three or four times a week I

really want to get to the gym because

you just you feel good you feel great

the other times and what I'm doing

sometimes I do to workout today as well

I don't wanna be there but I have to be

then I convince myself and I start

talking the struggle I go through my own

head to get myself to the gym that

morning is tough but it has to be

donated to become he's so happy now he's

like it's like when I breathe or when I

eat and drink it's just part of it this

is second nature

yeah everyone should do that because

like we said it's all transferrable into

anything if I can myself up my comfort

zone every single day and do that and

then do that with other tasks in my life

I either private casting ie my property

or my coaching or whatever then slowly

like with a gym progress it's gonna

start happening isn't it

you gotta start reaching them and look

doing things such as a meal prep I've

never used a real prayer never use the

meal prep and you know the whole results

have been working our fancy KFC KFC KFC

of course I why do I do that

dodge it corny ammonia sometimes all my

eat lunch and by the time just before

eating I'll be starving and I'll have

wiping stuck in order Big John's

astray if I were to be John's then go

Jesus laughter you cannot I work about

diet and stuff Engels now I could take

some 2,000 do four days worth of food

and I feel great yeah absolutely and now

it's a habit I believe in dreadmill prep

I enjoy heat and deciphering again man

motivation that's all if I say a - time

discipline lasts forever high-degree

wonder-percent I think I used to be a

person trainer not seven eight years and

I'm Cocorico need to like a coaching

aspect I suppose the people were so like

my property and business and stuff and

one of the first things I will say to

people when they approach me or can you

coach me for a kind of ability you help

me get get over this hurdle in my life

for example it's okay do you work out a

solution one of the first questions

asked which they probably don't expect

from the coach because I think you know

you're gonna give me some system or

something that you need to do for

business and the majority of them say no

I'm like well that needs to change

because the way I do my stuff is that's

the first thing we look at we focusing

on your health which I believe is your

biggest well you know healthy as well as

that kind of thing and your mind getting

that right and that's kind of how I look

at it so I think me going to the gym

especially for my boxing okay just

before meeting you doing the Masters has

been one of the biggest disadvantages I

had when I went to this property game in

this business game because I was like I

just take that work ethic where I was i

working everyone in the gym and i just

bring it into yeah okay i don't know as

much about property or business as most

people but most people start work about

knowing they work to about half i for

example you have about an hour and a

half at the dick you know for lunch then

looking at YouTube videos half way

through if I just wake up seven eight

o'clock but I don't have all that time

and I just work till seven eight o'clock

at night very very quickly over a couple

years I'll call back up if that makes

any sense that's kind of what I've done

it that of course yeah okay fantastic so

what is your biggest fear why is my

biggest fear okay um my biggest fear is

I would say to not be able to keep my

family they deserve what would change in

their day to day would it be that you

want to retire them from work or send

them on a holiday I mean what kind of

things in what will change them and then

moments wake up to what's work that

would be the main thing the choice did

you have the choice if they do choose to

go to work is our choice as long as they

have to yeah and at the moment is the

case of the clock see I thinks it's cuz

know we spend a lot of our time I work

more about time get home everyone's

tired or we the good gets a bed that's

your neo Cynthia as you know spend as

much time as you deal with them as you

do at work absolutely

for me I would like for my family to the

Opera Z what's the spin because that's

that's invaluable man thing is for us to

spend more time together spend more time

doing something that it does not really

benefit us you know the initial initial

amount of time that it got its that's my

biggest worry cuz it's not for you know

critics life is a predictor

you know things happen day in day out

actually I've seen this call he said

that we who die while still alive you

know you don't expect it to happen while

things happen and for me out of really

disappointed if I if something any fix

that happened and I'm not being able to

give my family the life that they

deserve

that's what my biggest fear okay good

answer good answer

okay so the next question is about

motivation I'd be lying I suppose if I

said there was a days where I struggled

to keep myself away I think I've touched

on this earlier you know gym stuff

and I'm pretty soon yourself had those

days as well I've yet to meet anybody

who doesn't need some level of

motivation or something that just keeps

on going on the days where they just

don't feel like doing it so I want to

know is on those days where you feel

like maybe you're in a funk or your

motivations gone and then he's just not

clicking in your head and you don't want

to go to the gym I know we touch on

discipline for example or you don't want

to go to it what is driving you on that

particular day okay I always think that

someone else is working harder that's me

by the way up in smoke okay if we are to

believe this you know the competition's

that I'm gonna do like I said I don't

wanna go to gym every day but I do

sometimes I'm in the gym I'm gonna

hundred percent I still give it

everything that came on that day yeah

you know I'll finish myself I want to be

standing on that stage and if I've lost

it's my cause I worked refused yeah I

want to lose with my head held high

okay there's nothing more that I

could've actually given me okay that's

what motivates me I don't understand

their thinking and if I want to think

that one day that's gonna be that we may

live so stop being of no wanting to be

outworked it's okay yeah you're gonna

lose okay we lose it but do not lose

cause I do not get oh yeah you know

that's Jim late but I'm Garcia

life in general I just touched up on my

knees that like they don't give for my

family

yes that's what motivates me to stop

being of man you can't afford to let

that grip slip

pushy and you know I'm always to you

more the fact that they're waking up a

goal to work that day when that day the

wake nuts got to work clay yeah that's

that's my motivation desperate like they

have to wake up for where that baby that

you have that makes sure you don't hit

that seems but exactly can I hear that

because I understand me my wife you

while I went on this journey where I was

self-employed and not really normally I

was literally carrying I had this much

money to spare another I need to get

remember me I need to pay for a coffee

any I was working my pennies out in a

bootstrapping but the thing that would

always get me out of bed was and I was

put my alarm I just put on for my wife

yeah so I'm like she's haven't talked to

work to support this I mean and that

used to keep me going every single day

that's so I hear that okay okay so now

you've heard the buzzer has just gone

off and we're at the fun part of the

show where I'm gonna put you through

your paces now the beautiful thing about

this is T doesn't know any of the

questions I'm gonna ask him so what I'm

gonna do is I'm gonna set the timer for

60 seconds okay so we're going to start

in three two one

the ability to fly or be invisible right

money your fame money Ronnie Coleman or

Auto Show Sega on favorite protein shape

flavor banana singing or dancing dancing

that Pixar YouTube YouTube Marvel or DC

model favorite TV show ever

would you rather than on how you would

die or when you were dying when you love

or money

love books or movies if you can sit with

one person in the world or an hour with

me you'll probably be in Iraq your worst

fear growing up was snakes what is your

biggest addiction

my biggest addiction is Jim summer

winter summer your favorite place in the

whole way your zoom speak or languages

will be able to speak to animals

sweet harmonies if you could abolish one

thing in the world for many P racism

your favorite song ever last ones

Jacob read minds or predict the future

your favorite superhero

my pramantha probably one of mine yeah

yeah okay so but nearly there's just a

couple of more questions left and the

next one's on reflection so hi inside

some wonderful thing and upon reflection

we can always think of ways to get to

where we currently are quicker easier or

with less heartache but I also guess the

journey teaches us a lot as well I'm a

strong believer in trusting the process

and enjoying the process so what I want

to know is if you could go back in time

to that one moment where you really

struggled and suffered with the

adversity so if you use the university

example and you can just whisper

something in the air of a younger T

knowing what you know now what would you

tell yourself when I tell myself be

proactive

no one's gonna keep this to you you can

do this

no one can race you come on your ways

for you you're gonna do but in so we are

actually at the last question then if in

a hundred and fifty years time science

fails to save all of us we're no longer

here and well that exists is a book on

the life of T by the way you can choose

up for the title and on that book it's

it can be as big as you want but

somebody's walking past what will make

that person pick it up right so what I

want to know is what would the blue say

and what would the total of that book

say about you okay okay something Godsey

I mean that I'm always there so someone

who just worked hard to chase the

American dream for their family just

finally in America

yeah people's attention but that it's

truly the only company okay title title

the British dream says a guy it's very

hard to get there make

they're gonna be thinking this author

has no idea where my story my story my

right there's not right or wrong answer

good answer good answer so that you've

heard it you've heard like an

unbelievable story of somebody who's

coming from a place where many of us who

are listening to this now haven't had to

come from I suppose and I studied with

tea at University and a lot of this I

never knew myself so it's it's been

inspiring for myself to hear this

especially when I sit back and I think

about when we were doing coursework and

I used to struggle with the English

English language myself so just to think

how hard it must have been for you as

well it just makes you appreciate how

fortunate we all are before we leave I

am I always like to ask my guests if

they could just give us one place where

we could reach out to you I'll probably

say snapchat realistically okay these

more than anything that's fine you and

your username infrastructure catcher

Freeman catch a Freeman okay fantastic

I'll put that in the show notes

I'm will probably put your Instagram in

there as well because I find it

inspirational there's a lot of great

quotes bill on my Instagram okay but

there's also a lot of their training

footage as well and bespoke prior to

this interview as well teas on the

transformation where he's gone from just

under probably 100 kg down to like 7 e

ie I think at the minute and it's

probably gonna get lower so it just

shows you that if you really trust the

process in your work hard you can really

get to where you want to get to and I

just wanna say thank you for coming down

really appreciate it

and tirana home thanks for listening and

remember this podcast is absolutely free

so all we ask in return is for you to

share this with a friend and drop us a

five star review over on iTunes have an

awesome day

#JustDeuIt & #FindYourVoice

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Fighting depression with Poetry and Fitness #8

Mon, 11 Feb 2019 05:55:20 GMT

Find your voice - Episode 8 - Memoirs of an Anxious Mind - Cos Kyriacou

Tagline: "To HIM its just a game, playing with my mind. An easy target for HIM, he always seems to find. He always seems to be there to put me in my place, lurking and scheming like a puff of smoke up in my face..."

Cos is a talented Poet who has found his voice by utilising the power poetry in speaking about his depression and anxiety. Riddled with many trials and tribulations growing up Cos has battled with suicidal thoughts from time to time.

Now determined to conquer his mindset working on his health, thoughts and gifts he is looking to help those struggling with mental health illness more.

Alongside this, Cos is also a qualified Accountant and Personal Trainer and this is just some of his hidden talents. He kindly shares one of his poems, HIM, in this podcast and I am sure once you hear this you will follow him over on his instagram channel to learn more about him and hear so many more powerful poems.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/