Fragmented to Whole: Life Lessons from 12 Step Recovery

Anonymity | Episode 89

Mon, 04 Jan 2021 16:52:40 GMT

I thought anonymity was about avoiding the stigma of being in 12 step recovery. It's really about humility, which is what allows us to be teachable. When we are humble, we understand we're no better and no worse than anyone else. It's also about ensuring that each one of us has only one voice, and no one speaks for any particular fellowship (whether inside the rooms of recovery or publicly).

Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching,
and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.

Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).

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Expecting Fairness | Episode 88

Mon, 21 Dec 2020 16:23:51 GMT

We can have all the expectations of the world that we want, but we'll likely be pissed off a lot if we do! This episode specifically addresses the issue of fairness, but the same principle could apply to any value you hold dearly. The idea is that, instead of getting pissed off that things are not the way you think they should be, work toward creating those conditions. One of the quotes mentioned in the podcast makes more sense when you see it as opposed to hearing it. This is it:
BElieve
THEre is
GOOD

Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.

Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).

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How to Attract Emotionally Available People | Episode 87

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 15:00:00 GMT

If you've been hiding behind various facades or masks and acting as if you like things you don't, or that you're comfortable with things you're not - that's not integrity. Being emotionally available requires vulnerability, which is not possible if you don't have integrity (i.e., if your foundation is cracked). Emotionally available people are attracted by other emotionally available people. So if you're continually attracting emotionally UNavailable people, the problem might be that you have a "cracked foundation" and aren't living in your integrity.

Listen in for how to strengthen your integrity which will allow you to become vulnerable and therefore attract emotionally available people.

For info on my group coaching pilot "6 Weeks to Better Boundaries with Barb" mentioned in this episode,
go to https://higherpowercc.com/betterboundaries

Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.

Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).key words: integrity, emotional availability, emotionally available, emotionally unavailable, boundary, boundaries, vulnerable, vulnerability.

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The Serenity Prayer, Reimagined | Episode 86

Mon, 07 Dec 2020 15:00:00 GMT

The Serenity Prayer is one of the most popular prayers in the world, but I think the opening is backwards. I learned acceptance and THEN got serenity. I give an example of what I mean by that using traffic. I also talk about how the Serenity Prayer is essentially about learning where our boundaries should be.

Pilot group coaching program, "6 Weeks to Better Boundaries with Barb" info and registration is linked here:
https://higherpowercc.com/betterboundaries

Free webinar on Mon 12/14 at 7 pm EST "Myths and Misconceptions about Boudnaries" info and registration is linked here:
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/myths-and-misconceptions-about-boundaries-webinar-tickets-130356213945

Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.

Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!)

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16 Reasons Why Sex Is Better in Recovery | Episode 85

Mon, 30 Nov 2020 15:12:41 GMT

Being comfortable in my own skin and not being mired in fear are two very important reasons why sex is sooooo much better in recovery than it was before recovery! Being able to be vulnerable with your partner and communicate directly also helps. Listen in to hear ways you might be able to improve your sex life from being in recovery!

The two links I mention are here:

FREE webinar "Myths and Misconceptions about Boundaries" Mon 12/14/20 at 7 pm EST
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/myths-and-misconceptions-about-boundaries-webinar-tickets-130356213945

Pilot group coaching program "6 Weeks to Better Boundaries with Barb" Tuesdays 1/5/21-2/9/21
https://higherpowercc.com/betterboundaries

Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching,
and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.

Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Don't Carpet the World | Episode 84

Mon, 23 Nov 2020 17:36:03 GMT

"It's easier to put slippers on your feet than to carpet the world" is a Chinese proverb. The carpet metaphor is used in this episode to illustrate the issue of control. I talk about how we can learn to stop trying to control others (carpet the world) and work on controlling ourselves (put slippers on our feet). This an example of what the Serenity Prayer refers to as "the wisdom to know the difference."

The link to the group coaching pilot on boundaries is https://higherpowercc.com/betterboundaries/

Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.

Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Flawesome! | Episode 83

Mon, 16 Nov 2020 20:57:27 GMT

In this episode I talk about moving away from the black-and-white thinking that if we're flawed, that means we're not awesome. It's perfectly normal to be flawed, and it's ok to let others see your flaws. When you accept your own flaws, you'll become more accepting of other people's flaws too!

If you want monthly inspiration in your inbox, sign up for my newsletter "Happy, Joyous and Free" at HigherPowerCC.com.

Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.

Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).

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You Don't Have to Believe Your Thoughts! | Episode 82

Mon, 09 Nov 2020 20:52:58 GMT

You don't have to believe the thoughts running through your head! This pertains to thoughts about yourself (like "I'm not enough") as well as thoughts about others and the world. If you're not choosing your thoughts *on purpose,* especially if they're negative - think again! You don't have to believe a thought just because it's in your head (even though it sounds like your voice!).

Here are the links mentioned in the podcast:

* FREE boundaries webinar, "How to Be Grateful on Thanksgiving by Setting Healthy Boundaries" https://www.eventbrite.com/e/how-to-be-grateful-on-thanksgiving-by-setting-healthy-boundaries-tickets-127263692129

* Pilot group coaching program starting in January, "6 Weeks to Better Boundaries with Barb" https://higherpowercc.com/betterboundaries/

* Medium article, "How to Upgrade Your Life by Improving Your Thought Life" https://barb-nangle.medium.com/how-to-upgrade-your-life-by-improving-your-thought-life-9b0872dba776?source=friends_link&sk=2d7776ac711f33b742531362267574f1

Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.

Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Something Came Up vs. Something Happened | Episode 81

Mon, 02 Nov 2020 16:17:39 GMT

When someone doesn't show up when expected, we might be tempted to think, "something happened!" This usually has a negative connotation, like they were in an accident. However, when we think, "something came up" it's neutral and not likely to send is into a tailspin of negativity and anxiety. You can purposely choose this "thought work" to bring you more peace and serenity.

The article I mention at the end of the podcast can be found here: https://medium.com/curious/how-to-upgrade-your-life-by-improving-your-thought-life-9b0872dba776

Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.

Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).

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How to Enjoy the Holidays by Setting Boundaries Now | Episode 80

Mon, 26 Oct 2020 17:06:59 GMT

You don't have to do things you don't want to over the holidays! This includes attending events, exchanging gifts, spending money or having uncomfortable conversations. You'll learn a variety of tips for setting boundaries for the holidays, including some specific scripts so use and scenarios in which to use them.

I also recommend checking out this website for the CDC's considerations for the holidays. It gives ideas about holiday travel, as well as for those hosting and attending events. CDC considerations for the winter holidays.
You can either Google “CDC Holiday Celebrations” or follow this link:
https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/daily-life-coping/holidays.html

Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.

Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).

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Terminal Uniqueness | Episode 79

Mon, 19 Oct 2020 20:51:48 GMT

Many of us come into recovery believing we're "terminally unique" or that we're "uniquely flawed." What we learn is that we're NOT terminally unique, and that there are many are many others like us. You are not alone, there are many others like you, and you DO belong.

Here's the link to my FREE webinar "How to Enjoy the Boundaries by Setting Boundaries Now" on Monday 10/26/20 7-8:00 pm EDT: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/how-to-enjoy-the-holidays-by-setting-boundaries-now-tickets-124952386953

Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.

Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!)

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New Possibilities | Episode 78

Mon, 12 Oct 2020 16:26:24 GMT

The ability to believe in new possibilities is at the heart of our ability to change. Gaining a new perspective on our lives and our problems opens us up to new possibilities. The way we think about things is often the source of our difficulties, rather than the situations themselves. If you'd like to change things in your life, this episode will give you ideas for how to get new perspectives that lead to new possibilities.

Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.
Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).

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Getting Rid of Expectations After the Fact | Episode 77

Mon, 05 Oct 2020 22:50:13 GMT

Sometimes we don't realize we even had an expectation until it wasn't met. Whether that's true for you, or you KNOW you had an expectation about something, you'll learn how to "unhook" from those expectations even after the situation is over! This will melt your resentment about not having your expectation met.

Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.
Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).

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Reducing Emotional Pain | Episode 76

Mon, 28 Sep 2020 15:11:13 GMT

This episode covers several ways to reduce your emotional pain. It covers how to take advantage of the power of your "thinking brain" to help you clean up your negative thinking; practicing self care and connecting with others.

Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.
Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).

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Becoming Entirely Ready to Change Your Life | Episode 75

Mon, 21 Sep 2020 15:45:16 GMT

If you are truly committed to changing your ways, this episode is for you! The process of changing our lives is what 12 step recovery is all about. In this episode, you'll learn a way of becoming "entirely ready" (not just "somewhat ready") to change your life. I'll walk you through a process to think through what you've been doing that's been creating drama in your life. We'll go through what these things have been doing FOR you and TO you, then what changed behavior would look like. This will help us overcome the obstacle thoughts our brain generates to block us from changing.

Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.
Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).

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Privacy vs Secrecy | Episode 74

Tue, 15 Sep 2020 14:08:33 GMT

In this episode, I clear up the distinction between what's private and what's secret. Private matters have to do with setting healthy boundaries. Secrets have to do with hiding our shame. I use the example of personal finances to illustrate the difference between privacy and secrecy. This distinction is hard for people with unhealthy boundaries to understand. So if the distinction is difficult for you, you might need to work on your boundaries (and I can help!).

Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website www.fragmentedtowhole.com.

Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).

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Understanding Natural Consequences | Episode 73

Mon, 07 Sep 2020 14:36:49 GMT

The natural consequences of negative behavior are typically negative. However, many people buffer, block or filter the consequences of other's behavior by enabling them. Enabling is when we fix, solve, or make the consequences for someone's behavior go away. This episode will give you an understanding what natural consequences are, how they work and how to allow them.

You might find these programs helpful:
Al-Anon (https://al-anon.org/);
Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families (https://adultchildren.org/)
Codependent's Anonymous (https://coda.org/).

Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.
Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).

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Stop Beating Yourself Up! | Episode 72

Tue, 01 Sep 2020 01:12:55 GMT

In this episode I teach you the step by step process I used to stop beating myself up. It starts with realizing that s****y things you say to yourself, then realizing, "This is not working! Beating myself up is not improving my life!" Once you get that, then you stop saying negative things to yourself, and you replace them with positive things. Don't buy it? Listen in and I'll tell you why it works!

Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching,
and check out my podcast website http://www.fragmentedtowhole.com.
Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).

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Non-Fear-Based Decision-Making | Episode 71

Mon, 24 Aug 2020 13:50:41 GMT

If you'd like to stop making your decisions based on fear, this episode will help. I talk about how using the tools of recovery, and especially "acting as if" helps with this. I also explain what's happening with the conscious and subconscious mind in this process to give you a better understanding of why "acting as if" is so beneficial.

Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.

Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).

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Top Apps to Keep You Happy, Joyous and Free - Part 2 of 2 | Episode 70

Mon, 17 Aug 2020 17:30:41 GMT

Most people who come to recovery have chaotic lives and need all the help we can get to manage our lives. Using smart phone apps can be incredibly helpful in staying in touch with others in recovery, listening to recovery meetings, managing time and finances, etc. I talk about the top apps I use and how I use them to stay happy, joyous and free.

This is the second of a 2 part series. Make sure you listen to Episode 69 first.

Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, or check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.

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Top Apps to Keep You Happy, Joyous and Free - Part I of 2 | Episode 69

Mon, 10 Aug 2020 19:26:25 GMT

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How to Stop Enabling Other People's Dysfunctional Behavior | Episode 68

Tue, 04 Aug 2020 00:21:42 GMT

When we enable other people's addiction and dysfunction, we're allowing them to NOT face the consequences of their behavior. We serve as a buffer for their difficult behavior so they don't have to feel those effects. We're not helping them! To stop we have to learn to keep the focus on ourselves and allow them to feel the consequences of their behavior.

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Why We Say "The Truth Shall Set You Free" | Episode 67

Mon, 27 Jul 2020 17:00:00 GMT

If you've lied, and withheld information, and kept things from people your whole life like I did, you know what a prison that can be. If you're currently still unable to tell the truth and be open, also know that prison. Becoming able to tell the truth and about what we really want, think and feel is freeing. We are no longer burdened with the fear of being found out. And it brings us closer to other people.

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How to Stop Comparing Your Insides to Other People's Outsides | Episode 66

Tue, 21 Jul 2020 17:51:41 GMT

If you suffer from feeling that you're not enough or don't have enough, this episode may help. Comparing yourself to others is potentially endless - you can always find someone who has it better than you. That means it's almost always a losing battle. This is especially so when we compare our inner life to someone else's outer life. We simply don't know what kind of demons other people are wrestling with! When we do this, it reinforces our sense of inadequacy. Learning to keep the focus on yourself, and comparing yourself to your former self is much more fruitful.

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How to Go from Anger and Frustration to Loving the World | Episode 65

Mon, 13 Jul 2020 18:59:11 GMT

In this episode you'll learn just how the 12 steps allow us to clean up the wreckage of the past, heal lifelong wounds, and transform. We become happy, joyous and free and are no longer seeking to take from the world, but to give.

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From Indecisive to Decisive | Episode 64

Mon, 06 Jul 2020 17:00:00 GMT

If you have difficulty making decisions, this episode should be helpful. You'll learn strategies such as minimizing the number of decisions you need to make. You'll also learn how focusing on your decision-making process rather than the outcome of your decisions leads to better decisions. You'll also learn how to hone your intuition and to move past perfectionism.

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Reading People's Minds Doesn't Work! | Episode 63

Mon, 29 Jun 2020 17:30:00 GMT

I realized early in recovery that I'd been expecting other people to read my mind. I came to understand, with the help of some of my fellows in recovery, that this was because that's how I thought it worked. I'd been trying to read other people's minds my whole life, so why weren't they reading my mind?? (forget about the fact that I was not actually reading their minds!). It turns out that instead of trying to read people's minds, the healthy thing to do is to communicate directly with people. Learn more about that on this episode.

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GET to vs HAVE to | Episode 62

Mon, 22 Jun 2020 19:30:00 GMT

The recovery process, just as any process of personal growth, is in large part one of changing perspective. In this episode I cover the perspective shift where we move from "I HAVE to _" to "I GET to _." In other words, we shift to thinking about these new behavior changes from being burdens to being privileges.

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Willingness to Change vs Wanting to Change | Episode 61

Mon, 15 Jun 2020 18:00:00 GMT

For anyone who is trying to grow and change, including those in recovery, willingness is key. If you're willing to make changes, even if you'd don't really want to, that can be enough. Learn how to leverage the power of your willingness into action in this episode.

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Tips & Scripts for saying "No" | Episode 60

Mon, 08 Jun 2020 15:00:00 GMT

I share several tips for how to say no. I also share several scripts - specific words and phrases you can use in various situations to set boundaries with others. These include scripts for saying "no" to friends, family, bosses and clients.

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Making Things Mean Things That They Don't | Episode 59

Mon, 01 Jun 2020 14:00:00 GMT

If you decide that things that happen around you almost always mean something negative, you might be "making things mean things that they don't." In this episode I give a really good example of how I used to do that, and how recovery helped me to seek clarity when I'm unclear, and to challenge my perspective. This has led to an enormous amount of relief in my life.

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End the Chaos | Episode 58

Tue, 26 May 2020 14:00:00 GMT

If you've lived a life of chaos and want that to end, this episode is for you! In it you'll learn how to slowly begin to put some structure in your life. This will give you some predictability and consistency, which is the opposite of chaos.

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Turn Off the Spigot of Negativity and Purify the Well of Your Mind |Episode 57

Tue, 19 May 2020 10:30:00 GMT

When negative thoughts continually run through our minds it's like poison in a well. It's impossible to love yourself when the well of your mind is full of poison. Stopping the negative thoughts helps to purify the well, but there's something else you can do that will speed up the process to purify that well. Learn how to do that on this episode.

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How I Got Over People-pleasing and You Can Too | Episode 56

Mon, 11 May 2020 14:50:00 GMT

I didn't even know I was a people-pleaser, I thought I was nice. It turns out people-pleasing isn't nice, it's dishonest and manipulative. Ugh! But there's hope! I talk about how I got over my people-pleasing ways and you can too. You can learn to be honest about what you really think and feel, and to communicate directly about those things without manipulating.

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Stop Hiding | Episode 55

Mon, 04 May 2020 20:50:00 GMT

We hide by isolating and telling lies. We're afraid to show our flaws. But being flawed is just part of being human. Once you can accept this in yourself, it's easier to accept it in others as well. This episode will help you realize that you're not just flawed, you're flawsome!!

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Improve Your Relationships | Episode 54

Mon, 27 Apr 2020 14:00:00 GMT

Everyone wants their relationships to be a safe harbor. To help you achieve that, I borrow nine rules from David J. Lieberman as a way to structure this episode. I then share what I've learned about each rule from my recovery to illustrate them. The rules include showing enthusiasm when greeting the person, being respectful, supportive and appreciative, giving the benefit of the doubt, pausing when agitated, talking about what's bothering you and sharing yourself with the other person.

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Focus on What You CAN Control | Episode 53

Mon, 20 Apr 2020 12:25:00 GMT

Control is an issue for people in recovery, and right now it's probably a concern for just about everyone given COVID-19. Covey's model of Circle of Concern vs. Circle of Control is used to give specific examples of how you can take the focus off of the Circle of Concern and put it on the Circle of Control to ease your anxiety.

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Trauma Response Prevention During COVID-19 | Episode 52

Tue, 14 Apr 2020 06:05:00 GMT

There are a number of predictable conditions that lead to trauma. These include unpredictability, immobility, loss of connection, loss of a sense of safety and others. These can be addressed so as to prevent, or reduce the likelihood of a trauma response. I share several strategies here.

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Life on Life's Terms | Episode 51

Mon, 06 Apr 2020 18:40:00 GMT

Living life on life's terms means being able to accept and face life as it comes, not as you wish it would come. You'll hear about how I made the shift from being pissed off all the time that life, the world and others weren't going the way I wanted, to being able to accept life on LIFE'S terms.

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Q and A from Listeners | Episode 50

Mon, 30 Mar 2020 20:30:00 GMT

In this 50th episode, I take more time than usual to answer a variety of listener questions. In addition to grief, depression, unmanageability and boundaries, I address perfectionism, black-and-white thinking and how I became able to make healthier choices. I also reflect on my experience of doing this podcast for a year.

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Soothe Your Mind and Heart During COVID-19 | Episode 49

Tue, 24 Mar 2020 00:05:00 GMT

If you're stuck in negative thought loops, catastrophizing about the future, or burned out and overwhelmed from rescuing others I can help! Rather than creating a new episode this week, I make suggestions for previous episodes that help people deal with the issues they're facing with the COVID-19 pandemic.

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Boundaries of Self Containment and Self Protection | Episode 48

Mon, 16 Mar 2020 17:00:00 GMT

Learning boundaries of self containment means I only share things that are personal with trustworthy people. Boundaries of self protection means I get to decide what I will and will not tolerate. I give examples of each type of boundaries I've set, and I also make the case that boundaries of self containment are also boundaries of self protection.

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Be Prepared to Lose People | Episode 47

Mon, 09 Mar 2020 15:00:00 GMT

Before recovery, I subconsciously assumed that losing people somehow took something away from me. Now that I'm in recovery and recognize my wholeness, I realize it's just part of life to lose people. Perhaps my sharing will help you deal with losing people from your life. That is my hope.

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Control vs Choice | Episode 46

Mon, 02 Mar 2020 23:00:00 GMT

Recovery is about making choices in our lives, not living with rigid control. I share a continuum that goes from being in denial and practicing rigid control, to having greater choice when we use discernment. I also share about how victim mentality is related to control since those with victim mentality often don't recognize that they have choices. Having and making choices about our lives is one of the many freedoms of recovery and you can learn more about how to discern your choices in this episode.

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Actions That Lead to Freedom | Episode 45

Mon, 24 Feb 2020 16:00:00 GMT

12 Step Recovery programs are programs of action. You must take action - whether you believe it will work or not - if you're going to recovery. In this episode I lay out a whole bunch of actions that I've learned in recovery that have led to freedom from addiction, dysfunction, compulsion and obsession.

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Comfortable vs Comforting | Episode 44

Mon, 17 Feb 2020 19:15:00 GMT

Have you been repeating the same dysfunctional behaviors over and over and want to stop? This episode will help you by making the distinction between behaviors that are familiar and "comfortable" like a well-worn groove, and those that are comfortable. Comfortable behaviors bring comfort and lead to well-being.

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Amends, Apologies, Harms and Hurts | Episode 43

Mon, 10 Feb 2020 17:20:00 GMT

The amends process required by the 12 steps includes changed behavior, not just an apology. This episode helps clarify what kinds of things require amends vs. an apology by also distinguishing between things that harm people vs. hurt people. You'll get clarity about the difference between "harms" and "hurts" from this episode. You can be harmed by something that doesn't hurt you, and hurt by something that doesn't harm you so that distinction is important.

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Why Take a Daily Inventory | Episode 42

Mon, 03 Feb 2020 17:00:00 GMT

The practice of taking a daily inventory is recommended in 12 step recovery, but many people don't do it. I talk about how much it's benefited me - it keeps me from acting out of my defects of character and keeps my ego in check. It also keeps me in the good graces of those around me because I apologize quickly instead of letting things fester. The metaphor I like to use is that it's like sweeping out my formerly nasty, disgusting basement to keep it clean.

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Discipline Equals Freedom | Episode 41

Mon, 27 Jan 2020 18:15:00 GMT

People who are undisciplined think there's no way that discipline can equal freedom. It sounds like the opposite of freedom, in fact. This episode will show you how having discipline in certain areas leads to freedom you can't even imagine, especially in regard to the obsession and compulsion that is part of being an addict.

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Feeling Trapped? There Is a Way Out! | Episode 40

Mon, 20 Jan 2020 17:25:00 GMT

I describe a couple of situations in my life where I felt trapped and how I got out of them. I'm living proof that it's possible to not only get out of feeling trapped, but to live a life of freedom. You can too!

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Wholeness, Integration and Integrity | Episode 39

Mon, 13 Jan 2020 21:10:00 GMT

I never understood that having integrity had anything to do with being whole, or that being dishonest contributed to my fragmentation. Recovery helped me to integrate my fragmented pieces into one coherent whole, and now I live in my integrity. I am whole. You can be too! Listen in.

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The Promises of Recovery | Episode 38

Mon, 06 Jan 2020 18:20:00 GMT

The promises of recovery tell us what our lives might look like once we've got some recovery under our belts. In this episode I'll share how the promises of recovery - and more - have come true for me in my life. They can come true for you too! (You are not uniquely flawed). I share how to handle difficult situations, and how to recognize and discard rigid, distorted thinking, even if it's a long-standing pattern.

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Fail Till You Succeed | Episode 37

Mon, 30 Dec 2019 17:35:00 GMT

This episode will be particularly helpful to those who have beaten themselves up for years, and who think they will never succeed at anything. Many of us suffer from the belief that those who are successful never fail, but the opposite is true - they fail often. They've just gotten good at overcoming their failures, consistently and often. They understand that failure is a necessary part of the process of success. You can learn that too.

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Your Rights As a Person in Recovery | Episode 36

Mon, 23 Dec 2019 15:00:00 GMT

Many people in recovery don't even realize that they GET TO think their own thoughts, make their own decisions and focus on their own lives and not go by what others think, say or feel about them. Learning that we have the right to think, say, feel, believe and do whatever WE went can be a game changer for us in recovery. It was for me - I didn't even realize I was so profoundly influenced by others until I did the 12 steps and learned that I had to right to make my own determinations - like what music to listen to.

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Boundaries During the Holidays | Episode 35

Mon, 16 Dec 2019 18:20:00 GMT

Boundaries help us enjoy our loved ones and our time, and they reduce stress and overwhelm. To have boundaries means to live intentionally. This episode will help you set boundaries to more authentically connect with others so you're not drained. Specific scripts are provided. Happy holidays!

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Anything Mentionable Is Manageable | Episode 34

Mon, 09 Dec 2019 18:05:00 GMT

If your life is unmanageable, this episode gives examples of getting to a life that's manageable. Inspired by the new Mr. Rogers movie, this episode also talks about how things we may have been taught were "unmentionable" actually are mentionable. It also suggests asking for mercy instead of cursing things that frustrate us.

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Restored to Clarity | Episode 33

Mon, 02 Dec 2019 20:00:00 GMT

If your thinking is clouded and chaotic, your boundaries are a mess, you want everyone else and the world around you to change, perhaps you need some clarity. This episode will help you understand how the 12 steps can bring clarity so you can life a live that is happy, joyous and free.

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Affirmations for Addicts | Bonus Episode #2

Tue, 26 Nov 2019 01:00:00 GMT

If you need help to change the negative self talk in your head, this episode is for you. It's just affirmations - no intro, not outro, just affirmations. Listen once and make note of the affirmations that resonate best with you, or listen repeatedly to them all.

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Freedom of Choice | Episode 32

Mon, 25 Nov 2019 18:15:00 GMT

One of the greatest gifts of recovery is freedom of choice - the freedom choose what we do and do not want to think, believe and do. Before recovery, I didn't even know I WASN'T making choices! I talk about that here, and about how recovery and my Higher Power have given me the gift of choice.

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Overcoming Unrealistic Expectations | Episode 31

Mon, 18 Nov 2019 10:00:00 GMT

I talk about how unrealistic expectations made my life unmanageable and was one of my worst defects of character, and how I learned to let them go. This not only helped me let go of resents from the past, but prevented resentments in the future.

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Fight, Flight or Freeze | Episode 30

Mon, 11 Nov 2019 19:25:00 GMT

The body's natural response to threats, whether perceived or real, is to fight, flee or freeze. I share how recovery has helped me reprogram my internal response to threat, as well as some tools for how to manage stressful situations while they're happening. The more we reduce the number of stressful episodes we have, the easier it becomes to stay in peace and serenity.

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Don't Live into the Wreckage of the Future! | Episode 29

Mon, 04 Nov 2019 18:10:00 GMT

This episode will show you that there is another way to live inside your head besides assuming the worst is always going to happen. Living like that keeps us from experiencing our lives in the present moment of reality, in addition to making us anxious and upset. We do this because we (oddly) think it's going to make our lives better, but in fact, it makes our lives worse! You get to decide what to do with your mind, and this podcast will help you do that by sharing tips for how to stop living into the wreckage of the future.

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Healthy vs. Unhealthy: What's your motivation? | Episode 28

Sun, 27 Oct 2019 14:00:00 GMT

Sometimes the very same behavior can be healthy or unhealthy, it depends on your motivation. In this episode, I share what I've learned about the difference between helping vs rescuing, healthy alone time vs isolation, privacy vs secrecy and dissociation vs having fun. Changing your motivation can help you change your unhealthy behaviors.

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Getting Out of Enmeshment | Episode 27

Mon, 21 Oct 2019 17:05:00 GMT

If you're in a relationship or family system where you're not allowed to have your own identity or opinions, then you're likely enmeshed with those others and this episode will help you get un-enmeshed. I give examples of some of the ways that I began getting out of enmeshed relationships that might be helpful to you. Hint: start small and keep practicing!

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My Part in Things | Episode 26

Sun, 13 Oct 2019 14:00:00 GMT

I describe some examples of coming to understand my part in things in an effort to help you understand your part in the chaos and drama of your life so you can stop doing those things! Learning my part in things has been the most important gift (by far) of my recovery because it enabled me to stop doing those things and reduced the chaos by about 85%!

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Act As If | Episode 25

Mon, 07 Oct 2019 21:15:00 GMT

Recovery programs are programs of action, not of thinking or believing. This episode addresses why that is the case, and gives methods for how to behave your way into new thinking. You'll understand that what you DO is much more important than what you THINK.

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Stinkin' Thinkin' | Episode 24

Mon, 30 Sep 2019 20:10:00 GMT

Stinkin' thinkin' is when the thoughts we think over and over again are negative, which affects what we pay attention to in the world and our interactions with others. If you've had negative beliefs about yourself, and seem to always find evidence that those beliefs are true, then this episode will help you get over that. Just because you believe something doesn't mean it's true!

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Denial 2.0 | Episode 23

Sun, 22 Sep 2019 12:00:00 GMT

If you have a high tolerance for dysfunction you might be in denial about your own behavior. This can lead to you being dishonest with yourself and others. The story I share here shows how I was dishonest about my codependent behavior and how I compromised my own integrity for years before I realized it in recovery.

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TMI | Episode 22

Sun, 15 Sep 2019 12:00:00 GMT

Learn to stop giving too much information to others, especially when you're setting a boundary or negotiating. This reduces the chances that others can dispute what you're saying and makes it easier to act.

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Isolation vs Healthy Alone Time | Episode 21

Sun, 08 Sep 2019 12:00:00 GMT

The difference between isolating and healthy alone time is how it affects your energy. If you're fending off the world by isolating yourself, that's draining your energy. But if you're doing things that rejuvenate you and give you joy, that's healthy alone time. Switching what you're doing while alone can change how you experience time alone, and can increase your energy and improve your mood.

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Humility | Episode 20

Sun, 01 Sep 2019 12:00:00 GMT

In this episode I discuss humility as meaning you're no better and no worse than anyone else. That goes for people who think they're better than other people AND people who think they're worse than other people. The key to getting past this is to listen to others in the rooms of recovery so that you know that you're not "uniquely flawed," and to stop comparing your insides to other people's outsides.

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Control | Episode 19

Sun, 25 Aug 2019 12:00:00 GMT

Control is an issue for just about everyone in recovery, and this episode addresses how to back away from being so controlling. Using a Chinese proverb, Barb shares a new perspective on what it means to try to control others and how to let go of that. "It's better to put slippers on your feet than to carpet the world."

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One Day at a Time | Episode 18

Sun, 18 Aug 2019 12:00:00 GMT

This slogan helps remind us to keep the focus on the present, rather than living into "the wreckage of the future." In this episode, you will learn how to keep the focus on yourself in the here and now so as to not live into the wreckage of the future. Doing this will result in much less worry and anxiety.

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Guilt and Shame | Episode 17

Sun, 11 Aug 2019 12:00:00 GMT

People who grow up in dysfunctional families are often riddled with guilt and shame, often in profound and debilitating ways. This episode will help you understand where it comes from and shows the method I used of profoundly decreasing the effects of such shame and guilt. I give examples of my experience with deep shame and how I've handled it, and how it's effects have been reduced greatly in my life.

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D-E-N-I-A-L | Episode 16

Sun, 04 Aug 2019 12:00:00 GMT

If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, chances are you're in denial about a lot of things, like perhaps you think of abusive and dysfunctional behaviors as normal. Or you don't remember large chunks of your childhood. Or you've never seen things as connected that are related to each other. In this episode I share my journey from denial to clarity through the 12 steps of recovery.

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Helping vs. Rescuing | Episode 15

Sun, 28 Jul 2019 12:00:00 GMT

If you get drained and resentful about helping others, you want to hear this episode! In it you will learn to tell the difference between being helpful to others and rescuing others. The difference has to do with our motives, even if we can't see those motives. Listen in to get some clues about the motives behind your helpful behaviors.

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Discovery Is Not Recovery | Episode 14

Sun, 21 Jul 2019 14:00:00 GMT

In this episode the differences between discovery and recovery are laid out, as are the differences between relief and recovery. Many people come into the rooms of 12 step recovery and "discover" what is wrong with them, thinking that is enough. Others come into the rooms and find some measure of relief and leave thinking they're done. Neither of these result in the deep, lasting changes that are the promise of 12 step recovery. Listen here to learn the distinctions.

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Coaching with Barb | Bonus Episode

Sat, 20 Jul 2019 04:00:00 GMT

In this episode Barb's coaching client "S" shares why she decided to hire Barb as a coach rather than someone else, what it's like to be coached by Barb and her most important takeaways from their coaching relationship. If you've been helped by this podcast, then a private coaching relationship with Barb just might be the thing for you! Listening to this will give you a better idea of what that might be like for you.

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Forgiveness | Episode 13

Sun, 14 Jul 2019 12:00:00 GMT

After years of trying to forgive and reading all kinds of books about WHY, I finally learned HOW to forgive. I share how I learned to forgive, as well as the many reasons why we need to do it (it for US, not them!).

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Stop Gossiping | Episode 12

Sun, 07 Jul 2019 12:00:00 GMT

In this episode I discuss one of my most insidious defects of character - gossip. I share my journey to stop gossiping and what I learned along the way. This includes why I did it, why it felt so damned good and was so hard to stop, and what I did to stop it.

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Gratitude | Episode 11

Sun, 30 Jun 2019 04:00:00 GMT

If you are someone who is always focused on the pain and the crap of your life this episode could be transformative for you. I talk about my daily gratitude journaling and how it's changed everything for me. I give examples of how it's changed things for me, and how it's helped me get through some extremely difficult times in my life.

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My Tools of Recovery Part III: Focus on Me | Episode 10

Sun, 23 Jun 2019 16:00:00 GMT

Do you want peace and serenity? Well, if you are always focused on others, butting into other people's business, blaming others for your problems and not taking good care of yourself (like I used to be), then this episode is for you! I talk about all the ways in which keeping the focus on me has helped bring me to peace.

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My Tools of Recovery Part II: Reaching Out | Episode 9

Mon, 17 Jun 2019 05:00:00 GMT

If you feel isolated and alone and are sick of feeling that way, this episode is for you! I talk about the power of reaching out to others, including my higher power, and how it's made me feel connected and like I'm not alone any more. It's become an incredibly important tool in my tool shed of recovery tools.

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My tools of recovery series Part I: Pausing | Episode 8

Mon, 10 Jun 2019 05:00:00 GMT

If you're reactive and want to stop, or if you've been told "count to 10 before responding" and don't know how to even begin doing that, this episode can help! I introduce my top 3 tools of recovery and then discuss, in detail, how I overcame the monumental task of learning to pause before responding. This one tool help me to get rid of my sense of urgency, eased my lifelong tension, and got me to peace and serenity.

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Intensity, Intimacy and Trust | Episode 7

Mon, 03 Jun 2019 17:05:00 GMT

If you've always wanted intimacy and have no idea how to get it, this episode is for you! I talk about learning to trust people, be vulnerable with them, and become intimate with them. I also make the distinction between being in an "intense" relationship and an intimate relationship.

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Fear of Being Judged | Episode 6

Sun, 26 May 2019 14:00:00 GMT

If you are someone who lives in fear all the time, especially fear of being judged by others, this episode is for you! I talk about how this fear was so powerful that it led me to feel fragmented. I share the realization I had about that fear and how I overcame it.

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Affirming Ourselves | Episode 5

Tue, 21 May 2019 22:00:00 GMT

In this episode I continue to explore ways to get out of negative thinking by introducing ways to affirm ourselves. I talk about the role of affirmations in getting out of negative thought patterns. By replacing negative thought patterns with positive ones, we can literally change our minds about ourselves, about others, and about the world.

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Overcoming Negative Thought Loops | Episode 4

Mon, 13 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

In this episode you'll hear about negative thought loops, or ruminating. This will be contrasted with processing, which is a healthy way to deal with the thoughts roaming around in your head. Rather than staying stuck in your head with those negative thoughts, you'll learn how to get out of those loops and get to more productive forms of thinking.

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Victim Mentality | Episode 3

Mon, 06 May 2019 14:00:00 GMT

In this episode, you will hear how I came to understand I had a victim mentality, which I was completely blind to previously. I will make the distinction between being an actual victim, and having victim mentality.You'll also hear how this mentality blocks us from moving forward and making the kind of changes we need to make if we want to be happy joyous and free.

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Acceptance | Episode 2

Wed, 17 Apr 2019 20:15:00 GMT

This episode describes the process I went through to come to acceptance, which has had a big hand in leading to my peace and serenity. There is also some reflection on emotional acceptance and self acceptance.

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My Story in Brief | Episode 1

Mon, 11 Mar 2019 16:00:00 GMT

This episode describes the many ways I've tried my whole life to have a better life, how I got into 12 step recovery, and some of the many ways my life has changed as a result of my recovery. This includes both my thinking and my behavior.

This podcast targets people in and outside of 12 step recovery who seek healing and solutions for how to create manageable lives. It will help them move from fragmented to whole. There are many life lessons from 12 step recovery that are relevant to anyone, whether they're in recovery or not. Each episode will be brief and centered on a specific topic so people can search for topics in the moment, rather than having to wade through a podcast to see if the topic they're struggling with is discussed. Some examples of topics include how to become accepting, recognizing and overcoming victim mentality and establishing healthy boundaries.

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