Green Cows Don't Fly

The None Show Ep. 48 - Adios Amigos

Fri, 16 Feb 2024 12:00:42 GMT

Well after a year of None Shows B. & Jon are going on hiatus. Time is precious and they need to devote nearly all of it to getting their comedy crime caper book, Chop, launched. But it won't be the end of Green Cows. They'll be back with a completely new show later in the year. So dry your eyes and enjoy the final eclectic mix of: Odd items appearing unexpectedly in parcels, Spectral Cats, Insurance fury, Hangman & Battleships. .

B is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.as well as presenting; any acting jobs really, especially if you have an Oscar winning script and Quentin T as the director. Contact her here: gcdontfly@gmail.com If you'd like to suggest a topic for us to discuss the please do email us: gcdontfly@gmail.com

Music Rune-Bertil's Pandora's Ficka https://bit.ly/3EQUmrG. GCDF Logo Created by: The guys at Multiverse of Badness Podcast. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/multiverse-of-badness-comic-book-review/id1597649053

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The None Show Ep. 47 - Ailments, Post Office Queues and Dodgy DIY

Fri, 09 Feb 2024 12:00:11 GMT

Just when you think things can't get any more diverse, the None Show delivers another mixed bag of randomness. Torn meniscuses, Pensioners, Post Office queues, incompetent DIY, tin baths, tadpoles and frogs. The most manic twenty minutes you'll hear on the Net this week. So get the kettle on, raid the biscuit barrel and prepare to be baffled for the penultimate time... as once more B.& Jon hold forth at the Green Room Cafe..

B. is available for audiobook narration, voice acting and voiceover work.as well as presenting; any acting jobs really, especially if you have an Oscar winning script and Quentin T as the director. Contact her here: gcdontfly@gmail.com If you'd like to suggest a topic for us to discuss the please do email us: gcdontfly@gmail.com

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The None Show Ep. 46 - Internet Distractions & Cryptic Crosswords

Fri, 02 Feb 2024 12:00:54 GMT

With B back from the Alps the Green Cows are back in the podcast studio, ready to tackle their usual eclectic mix of topics. So in no particular order we have: skiing, ice slides, video games, internet distractions, cryptic crosswords, and best of all - a behind the scenes insight of Jon's shonky production methods..

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The None Show Ep. 45 - Cats In The Coffee Dregs

Fri, 19 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Strange happenings this week, with spooky stuff aplenty. Cats keep appearing in B's coffee dregs and a sinister wraith-like alien shows up in the butter of Jon's granary bread, But that's not all because smoking, vaping, volcanoes and dodgy publishers all get dishonourable mentions too. It's another cracker and you be foolish not to listen.

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The None Show Ep. 44 - Packing For Armageddon

Fri, 12 Jan 2024 15:50:00 GMT

If Armageddon were imminent, what would you pack in an emergency bag? Needless to say, Jon & B's priorities differ. One of them is more practical than the other. Can you guess who it is? And what if Bono sang Opera and not Rock? Would he need a hanky for mopping his brow between songs? These and many others are the issues occupying the Green Cows this week. You'd be mad not to listen.

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The None Show - Happy Moo Year 2024

Fri, 05 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

It's 2024 but that won't stop them. In this week's special New Year edition, hear how B. & Jon spent the Festive Season. Jon, by contracting Covid and B. by entertaining neighbours with a sumptuous Raclette from her native Switzerland. Of course there is the usual quota of random rambling, with insurance, dieting, horseradish and resolutions coming under the spotlight. All in all, quite perfect show to blow away those January Blues.

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The None Show - Christmas Special 2023

Fri, 22 Dec 2023 12:00:44 GMT

As you might expect from the award-winning duo, it's a real festive treat dealing with all things Christmas. Jingle Bells to the Roman Vomitorium and Catalonian defecating logs to bread sauce, it's got the lot. For example: did you know the traditional Japanese Christmas Dinner is now a KFC? B.& Jon read it on the Internet so needless to say, it must be true.

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The None Show Ep. 43 - Emergency Nibbles & B's Barbie Horses

Fri, 15 Dec 2023 12:00:40 GMT

You know what it's like? Friends pop in to build your Bistro Set and the next thing know is you're three sheets to the wind on Elvis Juice & Prosecco. Naturally, you all get peckish so what then? Duh! Raid the freezer and produce a platter of emergency nibbles to save the day. And who would've thought as a little girl, B built a stable for her Barbie Horses complete with a tack room and a mucking out area? Just goes to show...

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The None Show Ep. 42 - The Bistro Set - Part 2

Fri, 08 Dec 2023 12:00:56 GMT

An innocent question from B asking if Jon's new Bistro Set has been assembled sees him give something of a long answer. So, is it or isn't it? There's only one way you're gonna find out. Other topics include: dodgy art, an orchestra conducting cat, food past its sell-by date and and thoughts on salad cream versus mayonnaise.

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The None Show Ep. 41 - The Bistro Set

Fri, 01 Dec 2023 12:00:12 GMT

The None Show Ep. 41 The Bistro Set

Jon's bought a Bistro Set. Looked nice in the photo but it arrived in a very flat box. Jon's crap at DIY. Oh dear. Meanwhile, B recounts her time when she visited a tacky toilet in Turkey boasting fancy disco lights and a smoke machine... well she thinks it was a smoke machine.... but then again, Turkish food can be quite spicy. Add in glass walkways, infinity pools and the quantity of all gold ever mined, then it's another jaw-dropping episode. How do they do it? If you know the answer can you please write in and tell them.

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The None Show Ep. 40 - It's Only Rap 'n' Rolll

Fri, 24 Nov 2023 12:00:49 GMT

It's only Rap 'n' Roll but B. & Jon don't like it. This week's episode sees Rave DJs claiming to be musicians come in for some stick. And in something of a grump fest, so too do personalised car registrations. Add to that another installment of the potentially award-winning "Gets my Goat", lock-up garages and words that are irritatingly shortened, then surely this has to be the most eclectic podcase out there.

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The None Show - Ep 39 - Pop Shields To Pranks - Super Heroes To Lonely Sheep

Fri, 17 Nov 2023 12:00:47 GMT

B. and Jon cover so much ground this time it's truly breathtaking. From pop shields to sneaky pranks (thankfully before social media for Jon's sake) lonely sheep to superheroes and time travel, it's all here and once again compressed into twenty minutes of pure distilled drivel. Go on, click play. You know you'd love to.

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The None Show Ep. 38 - Bitcoin, Bigfoot & Backwards Running

Fri, 10 Nov 2023 12:00:37 GMT

In today's alliteratively titled show it's harder to imagine three more diverse subjects. Yet such is the mindset of B & Jon that no subject is off the table when they start gabbing. Add in items on the pound-dollar-cryptocurrency exchange rate, the Loch Ness Monster and extraterrestrials visiting dancing hippies in the Nevada desert, then it just might blow your mind, Daddio.

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The None Show Ep. 37 - Halloween Special

Fri, 03 Nov 2023 12:00:00 GMT

This week's Halloween Special is all you might expect from B. & Jon. Trick or Treat, Carol Singing, ChatGPT, Cats in Babygros, Tax Avoidance Schemes, Swiss Bank Accounts and much much more. It all that doesn't scare you then mothing will. Wooooooooooooooo!

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The None Show Ep. 36 - Tantrums In The Tearoom

Fri, 27 Oct 2023 11:00:26 GMT

B & Jon lament how ordering a good old British toasted teacake and butter has now become more an exercise in foraging and survival rather than one of life's simple pleasures. Trying to spread yellow rock-hard ice pats on a rapidly cooling teacake is all but impossible, frequently leading to tantrums in our tea rooms. And why are the Kings & Queens of YouTube (Cats) so nonchalant and aloof? Add in self-conscious dancing and it's another show you won't want to miss.

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The None Show Ep. 35 - Where's The Best Place To Buy A Goat?

Fri, 20 Oct 2023 11:00:11 GMT

Plumbing new depths in disorganisation, and without any rehearsal or planning, B.& Jon introduce two new regular features to the show. A weekly comment section called: What gets Your Goat? And as if that weren't enough excitement, there's a new occasional big gameshow: Timeslip Cash Stash. The winning contestant can gamble on the relative value of their jackpot prize based in two different centuries. It's only a matter of time before a major broadcaster snaps it up. So remember where you heard it first Cow fans.

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The None Show Ep. 34 - AI and Other Nonsense

Fri, 13 Oct 2023 11:00:20 GMT

Marinating their customary distance several miles behind the curve and zeitgeist, this week B & Jon lift the lid on AI. What is it? Who is it? Can it write the next big blockbuster? It can certainly tell you how to book an airline ticket, but it's not so intelligent as to be able to offer a plausible reason why B's foot is turning black. And to think this is all offered to the listener for free. Surely they, B & Jon that is, must be crazy.

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The None Show Ep. 33 - Does The Pope Have A Balcony?

Fri, 06 Oct 2023 11:00:48 GMT

It's a question that divides opinion and one B & Jon think they've nailed. And when they weren't giving it their full attention they also pondered another: When is it too late / early to have a drink? Add in superglue that goes missing and unattended airport luggage carousels with one solitary busted and unclaimed case spinning around... then that's one helluva lot to cover in just 23 minutes,.

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The None Show Ep. 32 - Footling Around

Fri, 29 Sep 2023 11:00:12 GMT

Imagine browsing around a junk shop.. This week B.& Jon bring you the podcasting equivalent. It's all there. What items will you pick up, turn over then haggle about the price with the owner? Snails to guineapigs to goldfish, the King of Rock 'n' Roll dying his hair with boot polish, and the whole thing rounded off by a deep dive into Facebook's Terrible Art in Charity Shops. It's audio bric-a-brac par excellence..

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The None Show Ep. 31 Heads or Tails?

Fri, 22 Sep 2023 11:00:19 GMT

In this week's stream of consciousness and off the cuff blether, B. & Jon toss a coin to see who will start the show. It's not actually a coin but that doesn't really matter. Would you like to be named after the place you were conceived? Discount supermarkets: tuna slush & massive catering packets of tea bags. All of this and amulets and talismans too (should that be talismen?). Anyway, miss it and miss out.

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The None Show Ep. 30 - At Our Convenience

Fri, 15 Sep 2023 11:00:46 GMT

This week sees the Green Cows hanging around toilets but not in a seedy way. Air Hand Dryers, Paper Towel Dispensers, Roller Towels and dropping sensitive electronic devices down the loo are on the menu. Also, hear how B. nearly ran over a soldier running beside a hedge in full camo gear - the soldier that is not B. Meanwhile, Jon recalls the early days of jumbo toilet roll selling and his shame of demonstrating their anti-pilfering benefits in the middle of a leading F1 car manufacturer's reception area.

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The None Show Ep. 29 - Too Old For Chuggers

Fri, 08 Sep 2023 11:00:49 GMT

This week Jon's reflecting that being outside the demographic of chuggers has its benefits. Pretending to be on his phone is no longer necessary. Meanwhile, B's misty-eyed about running... before her knees went. And as if that's not enough, they discuss the lost art of knowing all the neighbours in your street, grocery delivery drivers, cats, dogs and horse whisperers. You'll not want to miss it.

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The None Show Ep. 28 - Cramping Our Style

Fri, 01 Sep 2023 11:00:13 GMT

You know how it is. One minute you're broadcasting to your fan, the next you're racked with excruciating pain as vicious cramp strikes completely out of the blue. It happened to Jon mid-show. But Luckily B. was there to rally round with soothing guffaws of totally unsympathetic laughter. Add to this incident, much insightful discussion on motorway services, butterflies, amusement parks, council bins and golf catering... then this week... Green Cows are truly spoiling you.

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The None Show Ep. 27 - Toblerone Lightsabers

Fri, 25 Aug 2023 16:00:45 GMT

It's quite possible B & Jon ought not to be allowed in front of mics. In this episode they muse it would be fun had lightsabers been made of Toblerone. In a duel, the loser would be the one whose lightsaber had been nibbled away, triangle-by-triangle, when getting too close to their opponent. And if that's not silly enough there are dreams about sinister posh gangster kids, footprints coming out of solid walls, not to mention joining the wrong queue at the ferry terminal.

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The None Show Ep. 26 - Oppenheimer or Barbie - Popcorn or Ice Cream?

Fri, 18 Aug 2023 11:00:46 GMT

B's in a quandary over Oppenheimer or Barbie and Jon's wondering when popcorn became the recognised accompaniment to UK cinema viewing. And what's become of the girl with a torch wearing a trough packed with mini ice creams and slurpy Kia Oras? Then there's the question of your kitchen gadgetry. - used daily or languishing at the back of a dark cupboard?

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The None Show Ep. 25 - Is there anything embarrassing in your drawer?

Fri, 11 Aug 2023 11:00:53 GMT

We're nothing if not diverse and in this week's episode we discuss: British service levels, motorway repairs, health and safety, soft top sportscars and not smoking. But not only that, in a podcasting first we introduce our new in-show feature: "Is there anything embarrassing in your drawer?" Honestly, the lengths we go to to entertain. It's another level.

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The None Show Ep. 24 - Air Fresheners & Serving Suggestions

Fri, 04 Aug 2023 11:00:15 GMT

In a packed show B and Jon begin with air fresheners before moving onto wine buffs. Of course that leads to serving suggestions on food packaging, daytime TV so-called fashion experts, button misalignment on clothes, the soap opera police drama wannabee trend and last but not least book reviews.

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The None Show Ep. 23 - Why Do Aliens Always Abduct Yokels?

Fri, 28 Jul 2023 11:00:28 GMT

This week B.& Jon wrestle with the tricky concept of the birth of the Universe, before moving on to why Americans call herbs erbs? Add to this heady mix of un-fact-checked, questionable dodgy intellectualism, the concept of goldfish being able to watch EastEnders from inside their bowls, then you have a show to miss out on at you peril.

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The None Show - Ep 22. You say graffito, I say graffiti

Fri, 21 Jul 2023 11:00:53 GMT

Join B. & Jon in yet another wide-raging and rambling conversation. This time there is foody talk aplenty, discarded static caravans and jelly babies. But that's barely the half of it. Add in second hand trousers and going into hiding and the picture is complete. Or as complete as it's likely to be with the Green Cows..

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The None Show - Ep. 21 Accidents with Chilli, Popcorn & Greek Playwright Tragedy

Fri, 14 Jul 2023 11:00:50 GMT

This week B & Jon discuss chilli mishaps, mouth made music, electric fans, piano lessons, music students and six somewhat bizarre demises through the annals of history. Honestly, it's a veritable laugh-an-every-few-minutes-rollercoaster of an episode. You'd be crazy not to listen.

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The None Show Ep. 20 - What's The Plural of Daddy Long Legs?

Fri, 07 Jul 2023 11:00:25 GMT

In another packed show.B's been the target of a mass mosquito attack and she's not best pleased. Jon thinks it could be down to climate change as the UK's getting warmer with each passing year. What's the best song to sing when performing CPR? B knows someone who is unaware that water is necessary to cook pasta and Jon's boyhood failed attempts at kite-flying.

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The None Show Ep. 19 - Funeral Ads, World Travel & Mixed Nuts

Fri, 30 Jun 2023 11:00:15 GMT

This week Jon has a rant about the proliferation of funeral adverts. Seems there's an army of oldies out there in TV land relishing the prospect of ending their days as soon as possible. Also, what nut does it for you? Pistachio, Cashew or the plain and humble Peanut? And... say you were the reflection in the mirror and the reflection was actually you? Cue X Files music.

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The None Show Ep. 18 - Hey! Joe Rogan, Roll That Cheese!

Fri, 23 Jun 2023 11:00:57 GMT

B and Jon ponder Gloucester's Cheese Rolling 2023 and muse on why it's not fallen foul of 'Elf an' Safety'. But not only that, gasp as they improv a classic style WW2 movie right before your ears. And would you buy a palace or "get the men in" to fix up your current abode were you lucky enough to scoop a fortune on the Lottery?

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The None Show Ep. 17 - Inappropriate Golf Shorts & Creepy Guys in Tesco

Fri, 16 Jun 2023 11:00:47 GMT

Jon's been cutting a dash at the golf club with a pair of rather loud shorts that have caught the eye of the greens committee. Meanwhile, B's had a strange encounter with a creepy guy in Tesco. And if all that wasn't bad enough, why have more than 415 souls come to a sticky end in rural Midsomer?

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The None Show Ep. 16 - Builders Bums & Talking Parrots

Fri, 09 Jun 2023 11:00:05 GMT

You'd think discussion topics on the show couldn't get any more diverse, wouldn't you? But hold that thought - because this week its TV ad breaks full of sprightly OAPs only too keen to get in a queue and shuffle of this mortal coil. But not only that B. and Jon discuss builders bums and talking parrots, that actually don't... talk that is,

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The None Show Ep. 15 - Cars, Potholes, Dogs & Perms

Fri, 02 Jun 2023 11:00:07 GMT

Once again authors B and Jon have a plateful of waffle and they're happy to share it. Perms, potholes, dogs and cars are all grist to their mill as they take you through another bizarre stream of consciousness ramble. Confused? No need to be. Just think what a James Joyce podcast might be like..

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The None Show Ep. 14 - Kettles, Replicators and Famous Last Words

Fri, 26 May 2023 11:00:00 GMT

No one can accuse the show of being samey. Once again, this week's episode delivers drivel in spades as B & Jon discuss noisy electric kettles, Star Trek replicator technology and impending execution. Before rounding it all off with an impromptu game of Dead Composer Play Your Cards Right.

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The None Show - Ep. 13 - Spontaneous Combustion

Fri, 19 May 2023 11:00:00 GMT

Once again topics are wide-ranging. Starting with the unsettling phenomenon of spontaneous combustion, B. & Jon progress to discuss crop circles, first contact, and the recent UK Coronation. Jon finds himself having to mount a stout defence over the state of his kitchen worktops. And finally, would you accept a cup of tea in a house with a persistent and clinging unpleasant odour? No. Neither would they.

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The None Show Ep. 12 - Between Trousers

Fri, 12 May 2023 11:00:16 GMT

This week we look at the phenomenon known as being "Between Trousers". Something that can affect us all when we least expect it. B. has been suffering just such a crisis lately. Meanwhile, Jon feels bank holidays should be on a Friday - not Monday. Is your glass half full or half empty? It's important to consider in the world of sales. Then there's a first as B. & Jon play the lottery live on air in the hope of scooping the rollover jackpot of £160 million pounds.

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The None Show Ep. 11 - An Uneasy Truce

Fri, 05 May 2023 11:00:29 GMT

There's an uneasy truce between B & Jon as the infamous "lost show incident" is still a sore point. But professionalism prevails and in another eclectic conversation they chew the cud over Star Trek, Top Gear, The worst cars they ever had, potholes and traffic cones.

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The None Show Ep. 10 - Rubbish, Quite Literally

Fri, 28 Apr 2023 11:00:32 GMT

Well, B & Jon are just about back together again after last week's lost show catastrophe, but it's an uneasy truce. Nevertheless, a stroll down memory lane recalls booking cheap but often nonexistent flights on Teletext, cutting up old bank cards, a useless Dragon's Den pitch and rifling through Sir Elton John's bins.

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The None Show - Ep. 9 Tumbleweed, Sackcloth & Ashes

Fri, 21 Apr 2023 11:00:41 GMT

There's been a technical hitch in the studio this week. Jon's flying solo as B's in a deep sulk after he wiped the best show they ever recorded. Now he's going to have to send a lot of flowers, expensive confectionary and cakes if the show is to continue. Watch this space.

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The None Show Ep. 8 - Ephemeral Magnolia Blossom

Fri, 14 Apr 2023 11:00:30 GMT

This week sees another esoteric chat with B & Jon as they discuss: curry then move on to dim sum in Chinatown. This naturally leads to daily walks, dog walkers and their charges, not to mention spring magnolia blossoms. A quick left turn sees them talking about printers and the Internet before they head for the tape discussing plotting their respective novels.

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The None Show Ep. 7 - What's in a name?

Fri, 07 Apr 2023 11:00:21 GMT

Just when you think the show couldn't get any more random... it goes and does. When is a city not a city? Did (as per the urban myth) Queen Victoria not like Reading? And as for old Catus Decianus, Procurator of Roman Britain. Did he really have 10 bums? Well, listener... get listening.

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The None Show - Ep. 6 - Coulda been contenders...

Fri, 31 Mar 2023 11:00:47 GMT

It's Friday again and time for your weekly dose of aimless rambling nonsense. So in a diverse show we discuss fig mustard, foody TV travelogues, the time Jon's band (sort of) appeared on the Belgian version of The Archers and when B's chatting in the make up chair saw her end up on the cutting room floor..

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The None Show Ep. 5 - Live Binmen and Samuel Beckett

Fri, 24 Mar 2023 12:00:16 GMT

This week's show features more live Googling, Scooby Doo and playwright Samuel Beckett before the highlight when B livestreams her binmen not picking up a picture frame from a neighbour's bin. It's cutting edge stuff.

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The None Show Ep. 4 - Gobbledygook & Trout Pout

Fri, 17 Mar 2023 12:00:53 GMT

In another Joycean style stream of consciousness conversation, B & Jon start with business speak and the attendant vacuous drivel that goes with it. Needless to say they take several forks in the road going forward, including Trout Pout Junction and unexpected celebrity encounters. You couldn't make it up... well actually they can and do.

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The None Show - Ep. 3 - Choices

Fri, 10 Mar 2023 12:00:30 GMT

Choices, eh? Love 'em or loathe them we all have them. So when B's neighbour's young daughter asks :"Where would you rather find yourself? Prison or a Home for the Elderly?" you can be sure of a fun-filled fifteen minutes. This of course leads on to becoming a prison Kingpin's plaything, inaccurate book research on Google, guitar plectrums, and inevitably, random encounters with Al Murray.

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The None Show Ep. 2 Bread

Fri, 03 Mar 2023 12:00:06 GMT

Jon's acquired a bread maker, so naturally this weeks deep dive is on all things bread. But in true Green Cows style that inevitably leads on to vinegar, cheese, old music hall jokes and random recipes. They also pose the question: when there's no one around does King Charles sit in his vest and Y-fronts watching telly and dipping naan bread in his curry sauce? Find out by listeneing.

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The None Show - Ep. 1 Washing-up

Fri, 24 Feb 2023 12:00:24 GMT

In the first proper None Show B. & Jon discuss washing up. This of course leads to them exploring such topics as pets with butler service, how the early cave dwellers invented cooking, the sad now almost extinction of Christmas Cards, regifting and not to mention many other washing-up related topics.

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The Dawning of Season 3

Fri, 17 Feb 2023 12:00:28 GMT

The Dawning Of Season Three: Episode 0

B and Jon's witterings somehow finally lead them to stumble across the long sought after format for the new season of the show. But not before Jon remembers the days of his distant youth, while B listens in rapt detachment. If you make it to the end of the episode then some day in the future you too may be able to tell your grandkids you heard the moment that became a podcasting game changer.

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The Wilderness Show

Fri, 10 Feb 2023 12:00:21 GMT

With Book 2 now on the virtual shelves (get it ordered here: https://amzn.to/3YCeI1R ) B & Jon are in a sort of creative wilderness. But watch this space because needs must as the old saying goes. Brand spanking new show concept coming soon.

You can contact the show and follow us on social media: email: gcdontfly@gmail.com Twitter:@GreenCowsPod Instagram: green_cows_dont_fly

Music Rune-Bertil's Pandora's Ficka https://bit.ly/3EQUmrG. GCDF Logo Created by: The guys at Multiverse of Badness Podcast. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/multiverse-of-badness-comic-book-review/id1597649053

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Waffling On #3

Fri, 03 Feb 2023 12:00:00 GMT

More waffling on this week with old Hollywood Heartthrobs, old Hollywood Movies and their remakes and Old Masters, all balanced by B and Jon's usual load of old tosh about everything and anything. Oh, and the new Quester's Guide book of season 2 is now out. So... c'mon- whaddayah waiting for? Get it ordered!You can contact the show and follow us on social media: email: gcdontfly@gmail.com Twitter:@GreenCowsPod Instagram: green_cows_dont_fly Music & artwork: Show Theme: https://bit.ly/3EQUmrG - Rune-Bertil's Pandora's Ficka Book Theme: https://bit.ly/3n2WzdT - Logo: Created by the guys at Multiverse of Badness Podcast. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/multiverse-of-badness-comic-book-review/id1597649053

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Waffling On #2

Fri, 20 Jan 2023 12:00:41 GMT

The bad news? More waffling this week as B & Jon talk about Zombies, Prince Harry's recent book and guitars (but not Cadillacs) There's also more talk about the upcoming new Quester's Guide book. The Good News? It only lasts about 10 minutes.

You can contact the show and follow us on social media: email: gcdontfly@gmail.com Twitter:@GreenCowsPod Instagram: green_cows_dont_fly Music & artwork: Show Theme: https://bit.ly/3EQUmrG - Rune-Bertil's Pandora's Ficka Book Theme: https://bit.ly/3n2WzdT - Logo: Created by the guys at Multiverse of Badness Podcast. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/multiverse-of-badness-comic-book-review/id1597649053

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Waffling On #1

Fri, 13 Jan 2023 12:00:17 GMT

As they try and come up with an idea for a new project, B and Jon are waffling on about the imminent release of the new Quester's Guide book.

After killing B's pet cactus, Eddie - Brian is in her bad books.

So Brian doesn't appear this week courtesy of - https://readloud.net/ You can contact the show and follow us on social media: email: gcdontfly@gmail.com Twitter:@GreenCowsPod Instagram: green_cows_dont_fly Music & artwork: Show Theme: https://bit.ly/3EQUmrG - Rune-Bertil's Pandora's Ficka Book Theme: https://bit.ly/3n2WzdT - Logo: Created by the guys at Multiverse of Badness Podcast. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/multiverse-of-badness-comic-book-review/id1597649053

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Season 2 Christmas Special.

Fri, 23 Dec 2022 11:00:00 GMT

B and Jon have been reading online reviews for Christmas products. It seems there are an awful lot of eejits out there. Meanwhile, Brian gives a masterly reading of the opening to a seasonal classic.

Brian appears courtesy of - https://readloud.net/ You can contact the show and follow us on social media: email: gcdontfly@gmail.com Twitter:@GreenCowsPod Instagram: green_cows_dont_fly Music & artwork: Show Theme: https://bit.ly/3EQUmrG - Rune-Bertil's Pandora's Ficka Book Theme: https://bit.ly/3n2WzdT - Logo: Created by the guys at Multiverse of Badness Podcast. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/multiverse-of-badness-comic-book-review/id1597649053

Away in a Manger performed by: Bounar c/o Free Music Archive https://bit.ly/3mo6QQX

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Season 2 Chapter 25. The Burger Bar At The End Of The Universe

Fri, 16 Dec 2022 12:00:37 GMT

The quest comes to an end as some old faces from book one reappear to tie up the loose ends. But does everyone live happily ever after? You'll just have to listen to the end. And as fits the occasion, Brian delivers a suitably doom-laden horoscope.

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Season 2 Chapter 24. The One Before Last Puppet Master

Fri, 09 Dec 2022 12:00:32 GMT

You'll be surprised this week. Lots happens in this episode which you won't have expected, but don't worry, you won't end up on an island, well, it’s a lily pad actually, which is on a plinth, which is on a concrete platform, which is at the shore of a tiny island, which is on the Lake of Seven Agonies, which is on a bigger island, which is in a sea between two continents on Holographia, a bit like an island on a lake on the Azores, actually.

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Season 2 Chapter 23. Red Herring

Fri, 02 Dec 2022 12:00:44 GMT

Things have not been as they seemed and the questers are forced to change their plans as the amulet reveals a secret. Time is running out to save Holographia. Maybe Sir Patrick Stewart can help.

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Season 2 Chapter 22. Insert Whatever Chapter Title You Wish

Fri, 25 Nov 2022 12:00:19 GMT

Lots happens in this episode, but you'll have to tune in to find out what. Grandolf will do this that and the other and some people won't make it. Anyway, tune in. Thanks.

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Season 2 Chapter 21. You Only Ski Once

Fri, 18 Nov 2022 12:00:46 GMT

Hold on to your seats because the Questers are in for a James Bond style ski chase. Someone is after them (obviously. That's why it's a chase). Will they get away? Will they dodge all the bullets? Someone will end up in a crevasse.

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Season 2 Special - More Brian's Memoirs

Fri, 11 Nov 2022 12:00:04 GMT

With B. off on more important business once again it's Jon & Brian in the cafe. Brian shares the inside story on Dame Sisilly Montague's faux pas during her recent Buckingham Palace investiture. Meanwhile all is not running smoothly with the publication of his first volume of theatrical memoirs.

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Season 2 Chapter 20. WTF?

Fri, 04 Nov 2022 12:00:19 GMT

Season 2 Chapter 20. WTF?

Events take a very peculiar turn this week as two listeners (Edwina & Henri both of whom are listening from home) somehow become involved directly in the quest. How can this be? Blowed if we know, but nevertheless they have been. Rest assured we have booked A I in for a service before the next episode is delivered.

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Season 2 Special - Brian's Memoirs

Fri, 28 Oct 2022 06:00:00 GMT

We take a break from the quest this week as B has an urgent call in her capacity as a Chocolate Consultant and can't get to the Green Room Cafe. Brian stands in and uses the occasion to plug his memoir of A Long Life on the Stage.

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Season 2 Chapter 19. The Sound of Music

Fri, 21 Oct 2022 06:00:17 GMT

The Quester's are enjoying (not) a five star treatment in King Tightarse's dungeon. Seems the voice of Olly Murs is too much to take even for our heroes. Will they escape? Or will they have all their toenails pulled out? And wow, one of the Questers isn't who she has claimed to be.

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Season 2 Chapter 18. Venom

Fri, 14 Oct 2022 05:46:04 GMT

The Questers are still hanging entangled and immobilised in the spiders' webs. But where have the spiders gone? Will Grandolf and co manage to free themselves in time before the spiders come back to eat them? Just then, hooves thunder towards them. Is it Elvis on a horse, riding in to save them?Brian appears courtesy of - https://readloud.net/You can contact the show and follow us on social media: email: gcdontfly@gmail.com Twitter:@GreenCowsPod Instagram: green_cows_dont_fly Music & artwork: Show Theme: https://bit.ly/3EQUmrG - Rune-Bertil's Pandora's Ficka Book Theme: https://bit.ly/3n2WzdT - Logo: Created by the guys at Multiverse of Badness Podcast. https://twitter.com/MultiverseOfBad

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Season 2 Chapter 17. Muchos Doublecrossos

Fri, 07 Oct 2022 06:00:18 GMT

Grandolf reunites the questers using his thought superpowers and they resume the quest. But a short stop for refreshments takes a terrifying turn when they suddenly find themselves caught in the webs of hideous metallic arachnoid creatures. Meanwhile, Brian has drawn up a personal horoscope for B. But why is he being so nice?

Brian appears courtesy of - https://readloud.net/

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Season 2 Chapter 16. Who Had The Magic Mushrooms?

Fri, 30 Sep 2022 08:39:19 GMT

Frank Pence brings King Tightarse up to speed with a report on the progress of the conquest of Holographia. Meanwhile, back in the Forest of Lost Souls things have taken an alarming turn for the questers.

Brian appears courtesy of - https://readloud.net/

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Season 2 Chapter 15. Do You Know Any Wagner?

Fri, 23 Sep 2022 06:00:35 GMT

Captain Cartanno turns the ship / boat / galleon around and now the Questers must press on. They cross the Not So Scary Mountains by way of a secret tunnel only to encounter Bastardo Elves in the Forest of Lost Souls, where things start to look bad for The German Guy. Brian's horoscope this week is for Poppy, the Miniature Pinscher.

Brian appears courtesy of - https://readloud.net/

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Season 2 Chapter 14. Turn The Boat Around

Fri, 16 Sep 2022 06:00:14 GMT

Now with the quest back on track, there seems to be some confusion about exactly what chapter they are on. It's fourteen but it could be thirteen or maybe even fifteen. Confusion abounds. Brian delivers a perfectly tailored horoscope for Janice but will she be any the wiser after his predictions?

Brian appears courtesy of - https://readloud.net/

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Season 2 Chapter 13. Something Fishy

Fri, 09 Sep 2022 06:00:19 GMT

A shoal of mythical Jongrons approaches the boat. This fishy race may just hold the key to getting the quest back on the road. However, to move things forward Grandolf's superpowers are put to the test. This week's horoscope has something of a French flavour when listener Jean Pierre contacts the show.

Brian appears courtesy of - https://readloud.net/

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Season 2 Chapter 12. Booming Voices From Above

Fri, 02 Sep 2022 06:00:08 GMT

The Questers are stuck on Fartopia but they now await a decision from the Booming Voices Above. If the Wangeroo they have thrown in the dice game is approved it could see them back on track once again. Brian gives another horoscope reading for all Capricorns.

Brian appears courtesy of - https://readloud.net/

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Season 2 Chapter 11. The Vortex

Fri, 26 Aug 2022 06:00:27 GMT

The Quester's must play a deadly game of chance. Can they throw a Wangeroo? It's only ever been done once before. Kray Zell proves himself to be no Stephen Hawking and the galleon is being drawn ever closer to the centre of the VORTEX

Brian appears courtesy of readloud.net

You can contact and follow us on social media: email: gcdontfly@gmail.com Twitter:@GreenCowsPod Instagram: green_cows_dont_fly Music & artwork: Show Theme: https://bit.ly/3EQUmrG - Rune-Bertil's Pandora's Ficka Book Theme: https://bit.ly/3n2WzdT - Logo: Created by the guys at Multiverse of Badness Podcast. https://twitter.com/MultiverseOfBad

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Season 2 Chapter 10 Nothing Is Ever Really Duty Free - Not Even Teddy Bears

Fri, 19 Aug 2022 06:00:14 GMT

The Questers cast off on the high seas of Holographia sampling club lounge luxury and treats all the way. Problem is, they're heading to the wrong destination. Meanwhile, Brian's clearly got out of the wrong side of the bed if his star reading is anything to go by.

Brian appears courtesy of readloud.net

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Season 2 Chapter 9. We Have A Boat To Catch

Fri, 12 Aug 2022 06:00:52 GMT

The Questers meet with Holographia's Council of Elders in preparation for the new mission. The mysterious Captain Cartanno joins them along with the Youngest Elder, as aboard Cartanno's Galleon they set sail for foreign lands. Meanwhile Brian has been revisiting David Bowie's back catalogue for some cosmic inspiration.

Brian appears courtesy of readloud.net

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Season 2 Chapter 8. Frank Pence Doesn't Mind Being The Bearer Of Bad News

Fri, 05 Aug 2022 06:00:49 GMT

King Tightarse is in the middle of a spinning session (his arse must get tighter!) when Frank Pence arrives with some bad news.

Brian appears courtesy of readloud.net

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Season 2 Chapter 7. Not Quite So Clean

Fri, 29 Jul 2022 06:00:12 GMT

The Questers arrive on Holographia and start making plans to save it. Mrs Gubbins, Grandolf's cleaner, may not be what she appears to be. Meanwhile, The UK's is basking in a heatwave and enduring record temperatures of forty degrees plus. And Brain has to take the week off after suffering heat exhaustion when playing the the Tin Man in panto.

Brian appears courtesy of readloud.net

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Season 2 Chapter 6. The Pharse Hole Reopened

Fri, 22 Jul 2022 06:00:47 GMT

It's time to travel to Holographia to save Bob's race. But who can help reseal the Pharse Hole when the questers teleport through? Step forward Grandolf's pub cleaner, Mrs. Gubbins, to save the day, or will she? Meanwhile, Brian reveals he and Gerald share a pair of rather tight trousers.

Brian appears courtesy of readloud.net

You can contact and follow us on social media: email: gcdontfly@gmail.com Twitter:@GreenCowsPod Instagram: green_cows_dont_fly Music & artwork: Show Theme: https://bit.ly/3EQUmrG - Rune-Bertil's Pandora's Ficka Book Theme: https://bit.ly/3n2WzdT -Logo: Created by the guys at Multiverse of Badness Podcast. https://twitter.com/MultiverseOfBad

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Season 2 Chapter 5. The Thing In The Cellar

Fri, 15 Jul 2022 06:00:19 GMT

The Questers make plans to re-open the Pharse Hole and new recruit, Moonbeam Dawning, finds himself facing an evil Blargog in Grandolf's cellar. Can he defeat it? Meanwhile, Brian prepares a personal horoscope for Ologia.

Brian appears courtesy of readloud.net

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Season 2 Chapter 4 - I'm Not Paying That!

Fri, 08 Jul 2022 06:00:13 GMT

We meet new Baddie, King Tightarse and his personal Coin Polisher, Franc Pence. The cost of everything is rising and the King's not happy about that. Something needs to be done so he can save on dragon food and use the savings to fund his holiday in Benidorm.

Brian appears courtesy of readloud.net

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Season 2 Chapter 3. Close Encounters Of The Battery Kind

Fri, 01 Jul 2022 06:00:31 GMT

Jon's got Covid but struggles on manfully. Meanwhile, Bob's nearly out of charge and in danger of switching to standby. And now with their new pact to save Bob's Homeworld, Holographia, the gang sets off for Brighton once more in the hope of being able to decipher the meaning of strange lights that have been appearing in the sky.

Brian appears courtesy of readloud.net

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Season 2: Chapter 2 Look Who's Back.

Fri, 24 Jun 2022 06:00:39 GMT

It's all the twos and the gang's back in town with some unfinished business to take care of. Bob needs help and he needs it fast before he bleeps his last. And for no particular reason at all, Brian has a personal horoscope reading which sets him thinking about taking his skills in a new direction.

Brian appears courtesy of readloud.net

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Season 2: Book 2: Chapter 1 - B.O.B Phone Home

Mon, 20 Jun 2022 06:00:19 GMT

Chapter 1 of Book 2 of The TRILOGY: The Quester's Guide To Saving It (the Other World, That Is)

Strange lights in the sky are causing concern. PM Horace Jobson calls for calm. But might it be Bob's Homeworld, Holographia, is now under threat and Bob's needed back there PDQ to save it? Prepare to suspend you incredulity to the max as B & Jon almost laugh themselves directly into A&E, when, one again, the gang gets together for another epic quest.

Brian appears courtesy of readloud.net

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Season 2 Episode 2. Yes, Mr President

Mon, 13 Jun 2022 06:00:51 GMT

Jon and B talk ideas for the sequel. Meanwhile Brian buys the coffees, and Gerald, his friend, submits another idea which he hopes Jon and B use for the Green Cows pod: a biography of an American president. The only problem is, half of it can't be published and anyway, the CIA may not approve.

Brian appears courtesy of readloud.net

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Season 2 Episode 1. Molecular Codology

Mon, 06 Jun 2022 06:00:57 GMT

B and Jon are back and wondering what to do for series 2. Listening in as the creative process unfolds. And whether they like it or not, Brian is back and he has a friend called Gerald who is rather keen to get involved.

Brian appears courtesy of readloud.net

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Show 29. General Nonsense & Blatant Stalling

Mon, 30 May 2022 06:00:27 GMT

This week Jon and B entertain (or try to) you with a bit of general nonsense because they're very busy releasing the Quester's Guide. And they're discussing their new show.

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28. Brian's Audition (Bonus #3)

Mon, 23 May 2022 06:00:49 GMT

"How did Brian become the voice of The Quester's Guide?" That's the most common question we're asked by listeners. So we've decided to let you hear for yourselves.

During extensive auditions last year Brian came to read for us and it very quickly emerged that he was the only man for the job.

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27. The Making of the podcast of the book... (Bonus #2)

Mon, 16 May 2022 06:00:59 GMT

They said we couldn't do it... no, hang on. That's it, they said DON'T do it, PLEASE - but we did anyway. Here's how the idea came about for the Quester's Guide To Saving It. Just two writers, A I and too much time on their hands. Features material from the first 3 and previously unreleased shows that found their way straight onto the cutting room floor. But in this age of recycling and no waste - here you go. You're welcome.

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Show 26. Post-Quest Madness (Bonus #1)

Mon, 09 May 2022 06:00:35 GMT

The quest is over. Time now for B & Jon to take stock and consider a bid from movie director, Peter Jeegson, who's interested in optioning The Quester’s Guide. And despite turning his nose up at the project to begin with, Brian's keen to get involved in any new venture, believing whatever it may be, his vocal skills are worthy of a role more upfront and centre.

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The Quester's Guide - Chapter 25. The Last Bottle

Mon, 02 May 2022 06:00:01 GMT

The end. It's the end. Of the story that is, not of the podcast. The podcast will go on. It's the conclusion of the story, and we find out who wins the world: Grandolf or Phlardarse. Is Earth safe? Will we live happily ever after? Or will we all soon speak Pharsical and bow to a chubby despot? Well, tune in to find out.

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The Quester's Guide - Chapter 24. Beams Are Gonna Blind Me

Mon, 25 Apr 2022 06:00:33 GMT

In this episode, the questers find out why less is more when it comes to singing. It looks like they may just win against Phlardy's army. Then someone unleashes the mighty sword, Glabberdong ...

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The Quester's Guide - Chapter 23. Not Long Before The End Of it all

Mon, 18 Apr 2022 06:00:00 GMT

The questers have only just arrived in Brighton and the body count is already going up. So don't stand in their way or you'll get stabbed. Grumpy Grandolph! Their search for the key of Svert continues and they have a hot lead of where it can be found.

You can also contact the show follow us on social media:

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The Quester's Guide - Chapter 22. Slip It on, Then Slip Through

Mon, 11 Apr 2022 06:00:00 GMT

The Pharse Hole is open and the coordinates are set for earth. But will King Phlardarse fit through the hole? Because he still hasn't lost any weight. Luckily, he's wearing his corset and compression pants. He's ready. But is he really? He's forgotten something. Thank goodness Scheiner is by his side.

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The Quester's Guide - Chapter 21. A Race Against Time and Traffic

Mon, 04 Apr 2022 06:00:00 GMT

The showdown between Grandolf and Barbage is in full swing and the battle soon becomes quite epic, not. It's touch and go, not. Luckily, Grandolf is an expert at reading body language, not. Barbage has four boobs, yes she does, and they (the boobs, that is) seem to be the barometer for how well the fight is going for her, or not. And who ordered an Uber and why? All this, and much more, happens when you let A I have a go at writing.

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email: gcdontfly@gmail.com

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The Quester's Guide - Chapter 20. The Wrath Of Barbage III

Mon, 28 Mar 2022 06:00:00 GMT

Well, it's showdown time. Can Grandolf and co defeat Barbage III and resume their quest to save the world? A big storm kicks up. It's so bad (the storm, that is) that Hilda and Brian decide to go home (whoever Hilda and Brian are). They really should have gone to Spain. Eh?

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The Quester's Guide - Chapter 19. F**k Off To France Or Sleep With The Fishes

Mon, 21 Mar 2022 07:00:00 GMT

The bus carrying the questers hangs precariously off the pier at Worthing. Will it fall into the sea (the bus, that is) and send our heroes to their certain death? Or can a little girl and her love for ice cream save them? And what's that dingy doing, rowing across the Channel from France? This episode is full of questions for which there are no sensible answers.

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The Quester's Guide - Chapter 18. All Aboard Are A Bit Bored, Until …

Mon, 14 Mar 2022 07:00:00 GMT

The Questers are on the bus to Brighton, doing bus passenger things (like looking out of the window and kicking the seat in front), when all of a sudden ... Oh my God ... the worst thing of all worst things that could possibly happen on a bus happens. It might just be the end of the Quest.

You can also contact the show follow us on social media: Twitter:@GreenCowsPod Instagram: green_cows_dont_fly

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The Quester's Guide - Chapter 17. A Bus Ride Beside The Tide

Mon, 07 Mar 2022 07:00:00 GMT

They may be in Bognor but that doesn't mean the end of the quest. Now they are here, they now have to go there: to Brighton. Because the Key of Svert is inside the Box of Zwock, which is inside the rock of Brighton, which is ... But how can a group of heroic questers get to Brighton? The most convenient mode of transport perhaps? But as we all know, public transport isn't what it's promised to be.

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The Quester's Guide - Chapter 16. The King's New Clothes

Mon, 28 Feb 2022 07:00:00 GMT

Back at his castle, King Phlardarse is planning the end of humanity by .... trying on a new pair of pantaloons and waistcoat, freshly delivered by Yodel.

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The Quester's Guide - Chapter 15. Concrete Stilettoes

Mon, 21 Feb 2022 07:00:00 GMT

We meet a new character and oh dear that person is in a bad mood. So bad it may just cause Armageddon right now. You can also follow us on social media:Twitter:@GreenCowsPodInstagram: green_cows_dont_flyemail: gcdontfly@gmail.commusic & artwork:Show Theme: https://bit.ly/3EQUmrG - Rune-Bertil's Pandora's Ficka Book Theme: https://bit.ly/3n2WzdT - xelementumign1s Pixabay Art: https:/

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The Quester's Guide - Chapter 14. Murder most foul. But who the hell committed it?

Mon, 14 Feb 2022 07:00:00 GMT

Dawn breaks over the Scary Mountains, but oh, dear, one of the questers was murdered during the night. Whoever it is, he/she will have a cactus on his/her grave.

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The Quester's Guide - Chapter 13. It's An Evil Wind In The Scary Mountains

Mon, 07 Feb 2022 07:00:00 GMT

Newbie Scarchaal appoints himself as the leader of the quest, and Grandolf is not happy about that. The girls however don't care. They are busy, swooning and drooling over his handsomeness. Scarchaal's handsomeness, that is. He looks like Sylvester Stallone. 'Grrrr', thinks Grandolf, 'just you wait.' And so, the Questers start their ascent over the Scary Mountains but soon they are battling fierce and unnatural winds.

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The Quester's Guide - Chapter 12. A light in the night might be just right

Mon, 31 Jan 2022 06:00:00 GMT

Thank goodness the sun is restored because all that groping in the dark was getting out of hand. Grandolf and Co. consult the map for the next set of instructions. How will they ever get to Bognor Regis? It would seem something big and scary is in their way. You can also follow us on social media: Twitter:@GreenCowsPodInsta: green_cows_dont_flyemail: gcdontfly@gmail.comShow Theme: https://bit.ly/3EQUmrG - Rune-Bertil's Pandora's FickaBook Theme: https://bit.ly/3n2WzdT - xelementumign1s PixabayArt: https://pixabay.com/thejakesmith

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The Quester's Guide - Chapter 11. Black Hole Sun Won’t You Come to The Interrogation?

Mon, 24 Jan 2022 06:00:00 GMT

In (quite literally) the darkest episode yet of The Quester's Guide To Saving It, (The World That is) B. & Jon lose the plot, furtive groping is the order of the day, a passing Elvis fan joins the group and then a know-it-all turns up. Will the questers ever see daylight again?You can also follow us on social media: Twitter:@GreenCowsPodInsta: green_cows_dont_flyemail: gcdontfly@gmail.comShow Theme: https://bit.ly/3EQUmrG - Rune-Bertil's Pandora's FickaBook Theme: https://bit.ly/3n2WzdT - xelementumign1s PixabayArt: https://pixabay.com/thejakesmith

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The Quester's Guide - Chapter 10. The Long Arm of the Law

Mon, 17 Jan 2022 06:00:00 GMT

Grandolf and Bob are enveloped in a swirling green mist as they teleport through the filing cabinet. Fell beings want to take them to the Awful Place. it sounds truly awful. New questers join the party along with a pair of Bodie and Doyle wannabes. It's getting madder by the minute.

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The Quester's Guide - Chapter 9. Grandolf and Bob Just The Job (Centre)

Mon, 10 Jan 2022 06:00:00 GMT

Grandolf and Bob finally, finally, go on their quest, and the first stage takes them to ... the job centre.

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The Quester's Guide - Chapter 8. - Let's Get Ready to Rambo, sorry, I mean, Ramble, oh no. Damn it. I mean Rumble.

Mon, 03 Jan 2022 06:00:00 GMT

A fight breaks out in the loft, but who is fighting who and why? And who will win? All that and a bit more will be revealed as we resume the story with chapter 8.

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Christmas Special 2021 - Christmas Crackers

Tue, 21 Dec 2021 20:00:00 GMT

In this is standalone short story featuring Pub Landlord, Grandolf Smith, before he was chosen to save the world, we feature a heartwarming festive tale full of peace, joy and goodwill to all (yeah, right). Our A I has turned its hand to Christmas, but as usual seems not to have quite got the hang of it. All sorts of things happen in Tesco's car park but not many like this.

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Away in a Manger performed by: Bounar c/o Free Music Archive https://bit.ly/3mo6QQX

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The Quester's Guide - Chapter 7. A Gunshot In The Bar Means A Killer Isn’t Far

Fri, 17 Dec 2021 07:00:00 GMT

Someone has been shot and someone else appears to be a... sorry, no spoilers. Featuring a gripping death scene with more final breaths than there are fans queuing at a typical GRR Martin book signing, you're just going to have to listen to find out if they, our questers, that is, can still save humanity with all this stuff going on.

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The Quester's Guide - Chapter 6. Dragon Flight Into The Night Is Far From Alright

Fri, 10 Dec 2021 07:00:00 GMT

Jon and B are back with another episode. In this chapter, Grandolf, Bob and Faybreeze are faced with certain disaster. The map dragons have been released. The map has been torn in two. Oh sheet. A torn map is a useless map. They can't save the world without an intact map. How are they going to fix that little problem? Just when they think they've sorted it, something really bad happens downstairs in the bar.

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The Quester's Guide - Chapter 5 The Mysterious Mystical Dragon Map

Fri, 03 Dec 2021 07:00:00 GMT

The mysterious and scary looking Faybreeze arrives, and she’s brought an essential item every quest needs. Nobody rip it up, please. And who released the microscopically small dragons? Tune into episode 5 to find out who is sporting a scary combover.

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The Quester's Guide - Chapter 4. Revelations and Apparitions.

Fri, 26 Nov 2021 07:00:00 GMT

Grandolf is a bit reluctant to go on this quest to save the world. After all he has better things to do. Just then, a very important visitor arrives through the rift in space time continuum. And the visitor is scary.

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The Quester's Guide - Chapter 3. Saving Humanity

Fri, 19 Nov 2021 07:00:00 GMT

Grandolf is back, and he hasn't got rid if his new friend, Bob the hologram, yet. Is Bob still drunk? For those listeners who like fantasy, we give you: an otherworldly king with a silly name, who wants to invade earth but is too fat to fit through the rift in the space-time continuum which has an equally ridiculous name. Oh, and there's a quest to save humanity. By the way, hologram Bob likes to sing karaoke. ABBA are his fave.

Are B and Jon being followed by Russian spies? Maybe. Tune in to find out. But they probably aren't.

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The Quester's Guide - Chapter 2. Drunk In The Attic

Thu, 18 Nov 2021 07:00:00 GMT

Drunk In The Attic

Exhausted from throwing dead Russians in his (talking) dumpster, Grandolf fetches a bottle of his homebrewed blackcurrant wine. But when he opens the bottle, he finds a mysterious device inside. Then something weird happens, actually, a whole load of weird stuff happens - you're just going to have to listen - and Grandolf is given the quest of a lifetime (the kind of quest a certain famous Hollywood actor might just be very envious of). Luckily, Grandolf has particular set of (useless) skills to help him succeed.And have you ever seen the face of someone famous in a cornflake? If you have and it was amazing, write to us at gcdontfly@gmail.com.

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The Quester's Guide - Chapter 1. Out Back In The Car Park

Wed, 17 Nov 2021 07:00:00 GMT

AI (Artificial Intelligence, that is) has delivered the goods and the stage is set. Meet Grandolf, a disgraced actor, now owner of the All Evil Arms pub. Having been forced to give up a career in Hollywood (he had an argument with Sylvester Stallone), Grandolf has settled in a remote UK village for a quiet life, but out back in the carpark is a rubbish container. A very strange rubbish container.

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Quester's Guide - Trailer

Tue, 02 Nov 2021 08:00:00 GMT

The the stage is almost set. The cows have got all their ducks in a row, and Green Cows Don't Fly is about to be launched. Listen every Friday as two lazy writers present their new fantasy / crime noir mash-up novel written by Artificial Intelligence and read by out of work computerised voiceover aritste, Brian.

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Logo: Created by the guys at Multiverse of Badness Podcast. https://twitter.com/MultiverseOfBad

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