My Smart Speaker is Haunted!

Episode #038 - It's Not You, It's Us

Sun, 28 Sep 2025 07:05:00 GMT

Still reeling from last episode's bombshell? There's another one incoming. Plus the most amount of clips we've ever put in an episode! Strap in for a sneak peek at the future.

Make sure to hit subscribe and follow on your podcast app, plus on the socials for updates:-

https://instagram.com/myhauntedspeaker

https://bsky.app/profile/hauntedspeakerpod.bsky.social

Thanks for being with us pals - Joseph, Tex and Wil x

*This episode contains swearing and adult themes

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Episode #037 - Time For A Burger Party

Sun, 14 Sep 2025 06:00:00 GMT

Episode 37 = crescendo. It's part three of the drama at the disco, as something unspeakable happens at Selby's premier gathering. Plus there's questionable bus etiquette, acoustic dancing and Tex is suffering with a cold.

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Episode #036 - An Illegible Mess

Sun, 31 Aug 2025 07:38:35 GMT

Things are getting sticky as we return to the dancefloor at the disco grooves party - plus red twine, tat shopping and our favourite radio presenter is back (not you, sorry Begs)

This is part two of our disco special - hit subscribe to get the final installment straight to your phone when it's released! Will Hetty thwart dastardly Ross's scheme?

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Episode #035 - A Sandwich Beyond Scope

Sun, 17 Aug 2025 07:00:00 GMT

Don your grooviest outfits, we're at a disco party! All the great and the good are there mingling, plus there's a mysterious rendezvous at the Cost Benefit Patio and somebody's having night visions.

This is part one of a three part epic, so be sure to hit subscribe for the latest episode straight to your device.

Remember sharing is caring! Tell a friend, bring them into the fold. We're @myhauntedspeaker on insta.

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Episode #034 - The Little Puddle of Brown Liquid

Sun, 03 Aug 2025 08:00:00 GMT

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Yes, we're back and on track! Fashionable face coverings, unexpected deliveries and the return of the musical doorbell are all a tap away.

Also, Begley's feeling vindicated after the stick for last week's late episode - there's an even bigger scandal involving another one of the gang on this one.

Instagram? @myhauntedspeaker

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Episode #033 - Damian Gordon's Bedtime Storytime Show

Sun, 27 Jul 2025 06:20:00 GMT

We're back! Get your ears round this episode as the pod returns with scattered platters, more tour and your favourite bedtime storytime show. The Serendipity Hotel is taking bookings now!

Tell a friend, share the love! And yes this is a week late and we all know who to blame for that (or you will when you press play). Apologies all round.

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Episode #032 - Three Unsuccessful Boyfriends

Sun, 06 Jul 2025 06:00:00 GMT

Clips! Glorious clips! Take a shot every time one of the gang or the speaker say "Selby" this week and you'll be legless by the second act.

We take a guided tour of a local landmark, Joseph has his own tour of the area and we're all invited to a fun day out. And yes, there's a few swears.

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Episode #031 - A Stack Of Lady Fingers

Sun, 22 Jun 2025 06:00:00 GMT

It's a marathon of more unprompted murmurings!

Tex, Wil and Joseph return to untangle the web - and this week two of our favourite recurring characters are acting suspiciously (despite their best efforts), we've a game of Jenga with a difference and the Mattress Universe™ equivalent of a meet cute occurs.

Rate, review, subscribe, tell a friend - and drop us a follow for more. We're @myhauntedspeaker on insta.

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Episode #030 - A Stylishly Empathetic Headpiece

Sun, 08 Jun 2025 06:00:00 GMT

The rumours are true - this episode's full of more unprompted clips from a haunted smart speaker.

This week we experience a KIDNAP plot, a spinning hat and an unexpected glut of olives. And what is everyone's favourite private investigator up to now?!

And apologies, the speaker's sweary in this one.

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Episode #029 - A Ray Charles Birthday

Sun, 25 May 2025 06:00:00 GMT

Watch out, there's clips about!

Why is our favourite private investigator hiding in a bush? Which character has the hots for an apple thief? And who has mislaid the TV remote?

Tell a friend, share the love!

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Episode #028 - A Raspberry Ripple of Excitement

Sun, 11 May 2025 06:00:00 GMT

Get ready, as the gang (and you) return for more unprompted clips from the realm of the haunted smart speaker. This time: be prepared for a trip to the nail salon, a seafood based side quest and an out of season sexy Santa suit.

Leave a comment! Follow us on the socials! Tell a friend! We love you for all the above.

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Episode #027 - Frome Wasn't Built In A Day

Sun, 27 Apr 2025 06:00:00 GMT

Clips upon clips upon clips. Intrigue abounds as we travel back to the turn of the millennium with mysterious food vendors, signed feet pics and a young star in the making.

Write us a lovely review or leave a comment, we like that kind of thing.

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Episode #026 - The Sound of an Email

Sun, 13 Apr 2025 06:00:00 GMT

More unprompted smart speaker musings? You betcha. Uncle Horton is top of the plots as a mystery man darkens his door, an upsetting email is received and we meet a psychic with a difference.

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Episode #025 - The Story So Far

Sun, 30 Mar 2025 04:00:00 GMT

Bunting! Street parties! Warring retailers! It's a mattress retrospective as we wear our finest hats to celebrate the podcast's silver jubilee. Take a listen back to some favourite clips, plus a recap of the story so far in a special episode.

This episode comes with a potty mouth* swear warning (*Tex)

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Episode #024 - Everything's Coming Up Metcalfe

Sun, 16 Mar 2025 04:00:00 GMT

Buongiorno! Tex is going through a break-up, PC Parsons is a man on a mission and there's strange things being thrown in rivers.

We want you... to tell us your favourite clips from the past year of episodes as we celebrate with a silver jubilee special for #025.

Get in touch http://instagram.com/myhauntedspeaker

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Episode #023 - An Unreasonable Quantity of Raisins

Sun, 02 Mar 2025 11:12:30 GMT

Settle in for a dramatic episode in the Mattress Universe™! There's potential corporate espionage underway, some misdelivered holiday chocolates and Tom's bursting into rooms when you least expect it, as Tex, Wil and Joseph present more clips from the haunted smart speaker.

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Episode #022 - Cecil the Chocolate Baboon Cake

Mon, 17 Feb 2025 16:13:29 GMT

Haunted happenings! A bumper number of new unprompted smart speaker clips this episode as we're formally introduced to Aunt Patricia, Sympathy Sinitta celebrates her birthday and there's ESPIONAGE involving secret documents and wide brimmed hats.

Warning: the smart speaker uses some fruity language

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Episode #021 - The Beastly Birds of Clapham Common

Sun, 02 Feb 2025 02:00:00 GMT

More unprompted smart speaker clips? You betcha!

This week there's a BLAZING ROW between two characters, an INVASION of winged creatures and we finally find out who Bed Linens Weekly readers are LUSTING after. No surprises really.

Take cover!

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Episode #020 - Howdy, The Figure Says

Sun, 19 Jan 2025 01:00:00 GMT

We're back for more clips and nonsense! If you're baffled by your smart speaker's voice recently changing, rest assured Tex and Wil's is even weirder.

We all know that every good soap opera has its own conveniently placed café - and the Mattress Universe finally gains its own. And does anyone know where we can find a copy of Dr Doolittle on DVD?

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Episode #019 - A Mattress New Year

Sun, 05 Jan 2025 10:34:11 GMT

Happy New Year! As we take down our taffeta decorations and look to the year ahead, we learn more about the beginning of Horton's business empire and discover a whole Selby broadcasting district we never knew existed.

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Episode #018 - Uncle Horton's Christmas Message

Sun, 22 Dec 2024 01:50:00 GMT

Merry Yuletide! Happy Holidays! Festive Greetings!

It's the Christmas special, which means Tex, Wil and Joseph have donned their cracker hats and sifted through the archive to bring you a bumper mix of all the times the smart speaker has uttered anything vaguely festive.

Thanks for listening this year and embracing us, means a lot x

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Episode #017 - A World of Weevils

Sun, 08 Dec 2024 02:30:00 GMT

It's back to the future (present) with this week's smart speaker outbursts. There's DRAMA in the court room, LAUGHTER at a new theme park and CONFUSION over mysteriously appearing gourds.

Tell a friend, share the love!

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Episode #016 - The Crisp Audio

Sun, 24 Nov 2024 02:55:00 GMT

After last week's unexpected foray into the past, Wil presents us with more smart speaker nonsense as we trace the history of the Sloane-Ketterings. Plus we meet an immigrant shaking up the Selby cultural scene.

Tex declares his love for himself and Joseph's only half paying attention after Episode 15's catfishing.

And some of the audio is really CRISP!

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Episode #015 - The Mattress Awards

Sun, 10 Nov 2024 02:22:18 GMT

We've donned our finest clothes for this season's hottest event: the Mattress Awards!

Will we bump into Bed Linens Weekly's star reporter Vicky on the turquoise carpet? Will the swimwear portion overshadow the court case? And how will Tom and Horton cope being in the same room as each other?

All this and more with Tex & Wil's next batch of nonsense clips from their haunted smart speaker (and Joseph's back too)

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Episode #014 - The Station Wagon Beauty Contest

Sun, 27 Oct 2024 03:00:58 GMT

We hope you've brought your compulsory catering contribution - we're off to Hengistbury this episode. Plus we find out about Bridget's childhood trauma and there's a surprise celebrity guest at the Mattress Awards.

More unprompted smart speaker clips, more mattress chat, more questionable references. Share the love and tell your friends about us.

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Trailer: My Smart Speaker is Haunted!

Mon, 21 Oct 2024 22:39:52 GMT

Is your smart speaker haunted?

Tex & Wil have been plagued by their possessed smart speaker blurting out random nonsense for several years, entirely unprovoked, and captured on a sleep recorder app in the dead of night. What started as some obscure silly sound bites seems to have evolved into a full story in an artificially intelligent world.

Join them and their friend, amateur sleuth Joseph Begley, as they listen back to the peculiar proclamations, and try to unravel the mysteries of the Mattress Universe.

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Episode #013 - The 18-Kilogram Flapjack

Sun, 13 Oct 2024 01:35:27 GMT

Episode 13, complete with 13 clips and released on the 13th of the month? We'd love to claim we planned it, but it all just fell into place...

Prepare yourself as Uncle Horton starts to get suspicious, there's an invasion of crickets and we finally learn what "we don't talk about Sarah" did to upset everyone.

Oh, and a very very heavy flapjack. Tasty!

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Episode #012 - a Visit from the Spice Girls

Sun, 29 Sep 2024 11:11:30 GMT

Another week, and more uninitiated clips from the smart spea... Attention! Would one of the mattress selling team please come to the management office immediately... Plus, there's ugly gifts being dished out and will Tom pull through?

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Episode #011 - The Doorbell that plays La Cucaracha

Sun, 15 Sep 2024 00:04:49 GMT

It's another episode of unprompted musings from Tex and Wil's smart speaker!

This week, the search for Uncle Horton intensifies, Joseph desperately hopes for an update on Tom the Mattress Man's condition and we learn about the market for novelty napkin rings.

Also, warning: there must have been something in the water the day we recorded this, judging by the number of lines that are unnecessarily sung through-out

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Episode #010 - The Gorgonzola Principles

Sat, 31 Aug 2024 23:18:33 GMT

We're back with more smart speaker nonsense!

Feel like you're floating through life with no meaning? It's time for the overhaul you need with a set of new rules to live by. Tom's getting into altercations and trigger warning: this episode comes with great peril for one character

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Episode #009 - Delia's Plum Puddings

Sun, 18 Aug 2024 01:30:00 GMT

MISSING: one document wallet full of official homeware secrets. Please return to Tom the Mattress Man if found. Reward: one taffeta bed runner

This week Joseph, Tex and Wil learn more about the ongoing court case, Bridget's hunt for Uncle Horton continues and Delia's been busy baking

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Episode #008 - Repugnantly Recognisable

Sun, 04 Aug 2024 01:01:34 GMT

Tex and Wil are back with more clips from their haunted smart speaker! Joseph's getting ever more frustrated as one foodstuff takes over the show - and there's developments as threads start to be connected.

Reckon you could sprint in corduroy plimsoles?

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Episode #007 - My Second Least Favourite Biscuit

Sat, 13 Jul 2024 20:53:51 GMT

There's light reading (bedtime reading?) from Bed Linens Weekly to get to and some surprising new lines are drawn between characters on the Mattress Universe family tree

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Episode #006 - A Spray of Sandwiches

Sun, 30 Jun 2024 07:40:58 GMT

It's a solemn start, as we're invited to the funeral of a recently departed friend. We also meet Gibson, mattress seller extraordinaire, and the oat powder's starting to pile up everywhere (bit of a nuisance, actually)

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Episode #005 - It's a Ruthless World, Mattress Retailery

Sat, 15 Jun 2024 21:33:50 GMT

There's a shock plot twist in the mattress universe, as the war of the competing retailers "hots up". Plus poisoned fig rolls and a death - but are the two connected?

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Episode #004 - The People of Different Sizes

Sat, 01 Jun 2024 22:38:27 GMT

Welcome back to the No 1 mattress based podcast, despite what you might hear in the biased media. My friends grow in number - as we meet Uncle Horton, Neil Parsons and Mademoiselle Mixed Copper-Alloy.

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Episode #003 - Big Brunette Bridget

Wed, 15 May 2024 19:03:48 GMT

We're back in the Mattress Universe with more from Tex and Wil's haunted smart speaker. There's only one question on everyone's mind - why do you have a big brunette Bridget on your website?

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Episode #002 - A Very Fetching Shade of Puce

Wed, 15 May 2024 19:02:21 GMT

Back for more already? This week there's a jelly bean controversy, Tex starts an email exchange with a Spanish band and a concerning delivery is made by Tom the Mattress Man.

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Episode #001 - Full Steam Ahead, Sailor Boys!

Wed, 15 May 2024 19:01:10 GMT

It's full steam ahead as Joseph is introduced to Tex and Wil's possessed smart speaker for the first time.

Captured on a sleep recorder in the middle of the night, we listen back to the absurd sound bites our Smart Speaker has come out with, entirely unprovoked and entirely silly.

Who is Tom the Mattress Man? Who's taking a boat to Cherbourg? And who wants this quiche?

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