BDSM. Two seconds after hearing that word, most people picture whips, chains, leather, and some kind of expensive basement situation. (Just me? Okay, just me.)

This week, certified somatic sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes breaks down what BDSM actually is — and spoiler: it's a much wider, far less terrifying spectrum than you think.

We cover:

• What BDSM really means (and what it definitely doesn't have to mean)
• Why so many people are secretly curious about power play, restraint, and dominance, and feel weirdly ashamed about it
• The psychology behind dominant people wanting to submit, and vice versa
• How to go from "we've vaguely thought about this" to actually trying it, without a cringe disaster
• The beginner's menu: easy, low-stakes things to explore first
• Consent conversations that don't feel like a workplace health and safety briefing
• Safewords, aftercare, and the mistakes people make, copying what they've seen online
• And this week's Pleasure Practice to try at home

Whether you're deeply curious, mildly intrigued, or just here to find out what all the fuss is about, this one's for you.

Don't start with a whip and a prayer. Start here.

How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes. Every episode is designed to educate, inform, and start the conversations that most of us were never taught to have.

This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.

Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide…

Pleasure Delivered.

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com

INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast

FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast

YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast

EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com

Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS:

Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality

Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach

www.melissavranjes.com

Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Jay-Jay and Mel explore why porn is so wildly popular, what your search history might (and might not) say about you, and the real question nobody asks: is your porn use helping, or quietly replacing intimacy in your relationship?

This is sex education, not judgment. We cover:

• Why men and women consume porn so differently, and what women are actually looking for
• The psychology of eroticism and why taboo fantasies make sense
• Porn and relationships: when it's fine, when it's not, and what to do when you've just caught your partner watching it (Mel shares her story, and it's a good one)
• The top-searched categories in 2025 and what that tells us about desire
• How porn can actually rewire your body's arousal response, and make it harder to orgasm with a partner
• Ethical porn: what it means, and where to find it (Erika Lust gets a mention)
• Audio erotica, smut, and other ways to explore desire beyond visual porn
• 
  

Mentioned in this episode: https://erikalust.com/ for ethical porn, and if you want to listen to the best audio erotica, try https://www.tryquinn.com/ or https://www.dipseastories.com/

Next week: BDSM.

Subscribe so you don't miss a thing.

And if this episode resonated, leave us a review. It genuinely helps.

How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes. Every episode is designed to educate, inform, and start the conversations that most of us were never taught to have.

This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.

Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide…

Pleasure Delivered.

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com

INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast

FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast

YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast

EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com

Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How To Have Sex is produced at PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS:

Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality

Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach

www.melissavranjes.com

Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes and broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney get into the real reason we go quiet in the bedroom, and what to do about it.

You'll learn:

• Why communication in bed is actually a courage problem, not a confidence problem
• The worst time (and best time) to bring up a new request
• How to frame what you want so it sounds like a connection, not a complaint
• What to do when your partner shuts down
• Scripts and examples you can actually use

Whether you've been together forever or you're still in the honeymoon phase, this episode will help you stop hinting and start asking.

Pleasure Practice: Build some courage. Pull the courage you already use outside the bedroom, and bring it in.

How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes. Every episode is designed to educate, inform, and start the conversations that most of us were never taught to have.

This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.

Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide…

Pleasure Delivered.

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com

INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast

FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast

YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast

EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com

Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS:

Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality

Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach

www.melissavranjes.com

Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Jay-Jay finally figures out why this topic makes her want to crawl under the duvet and never come out, and it's more relatable than you'd think.

Certified somatic sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes breaks down everything women were never taught about self-pleasure: where the shame actually comes from, why we were never given this education, and how exploring your own body is one of the most powerful things you can do for your sex life, with or without a partner.

We cover:

• Why female self-pleasure has been stigmatised for centuries (and male pleasure hasn't)
• How self-pleasure builds body literacy and improves partnered sex
• Why rushing is the biggest mistake most people make
• How to diversify your pleasure and avoid being wired to only one pathway
• Whether you can get "addicted" to your vibrator (yes, really)
• Masturbating in front of your partner - hot or not?
• How to handle mismatched libidos without guilt or obligation sex
• Jay-Jay has an unexpected breakthrough on camera that stopped us both

Plus Mel's pleasure practice for the week, and Jay-Jay's very honest response to it.

Next episode: How to Get Your Needs Met in Bed (Without Turning It Into a Performance Review).

How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes. Every episode is designed to educate, inform, and start the conversations that most of us were never taught to have.

This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.

Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide…

Pleasure Delivered.

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com

INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast

FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast

YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast

EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com

Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS:

Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality

Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach

www.melissavranjes.com

Instagram: @melissavranjes

Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Anal play. Butt stuff. The backdoor. Whatever you call it, more people are curious than will ever admit it. So this week, Jay-Jay and Mel are going there. Literally.

Certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes joins a very nervous, very clenching Jay-Jay Feeney to unpack everything about anal and butt play, for all bodies and all genders. From the biology, to the beginner steps, to the stuff nobody talks about.

In this episode:

• Why butt play is so taboo (and why that's changing)
• The male G-spot (yes, the prostate) and why most men have no idea what they're missing
• How women can experience orgasms from anal stimulation
• The difference between external and penetrative play (you do NOT have to go all in to enjoy it)
• Mel's three beginner techniques: The Doorbell, The Credit Card, and Circles
• How to prepare properly, and why porn has got it dangerously wrong
• The importance of lube, going slow, and communication
• What NOT to do (don't cross-contaminate, don't use spit, and absolutely never surprise someone mid-sex)
• How to bring it up with a partner without making it weird
• Recovering from a bad experience
• This week's Pleasure Practice (JJ's reaction is priceless)

Curious but nervous? That's exactly who this episode is for.

This episode is sponsored by Wild Secrets. NZ's premium pleasure destination. Use code HAVESEX for 20% off. Pleasure delivered. wildsecrets.co.nz

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com

INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast

FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast

YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast

EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com

Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS:

Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality

Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach

www.melissavranjes.com

Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Want more from Mel? She writes a weekly sex column for Woman's Day magazine.

Pick up the latest issue to read it.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week Jay-Jay and Mel go deep on orgasms; what they actually are, why they feel different depending on where they happen in your body, and why so many of us have been getting in our own way this whole time.

In this episode:

• The difference between a clitoral, G-spot, A-spot, cervical and full-body orgasm
• Why only 18-22% of women can orgasm from penetration alone, and what that means for everyone
• Why your body shuts down at the worst possible moment (and how to stop it)
• The oven vs gas hob arousal gap between men and women
• How to get out of your head and back into your body
• Why slowing down is genuinely the fastest route to a bigger orgasm
• The somatic tools Mel uses with her clients: breath, movement, placement of awareness
• Why crying after sex is a thing (and it's not weird)
• How to create new orgasmic pathways in your body, including cervical orgasms
• Mel's tip: check out https://www.beautifulcervix.com/see-your-own-beautiful-cervix/ if you want to actually see your own cervix (yes, really)

This week's Pleasure Practice: Forget about the orgasm. Just touch your body for pleasure. In the shower, on the couch, wherever. Use breath, awareness and a little movement to build sensation. The orgasms will follow.

This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.

Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide…

Pleasure Delivered.

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com

INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast

FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast

YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast

EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com

Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS:

Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality

Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach

www.melissavranjes.com

Instagram: @melissavranjes

Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Want more from Mel? She writes a weekly sex column for Woman's Day magazine.

Pick up the latest issue to read it.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode of How To Have Sex, Jay-Jay Feeney and sex & relationship coach Melissa Vranjes set out to talk about erotic activities, erotic energy, and how to bring more play, anticipation and aliveness into your sex life… and somewhere along the way, things descend into absolute chaos. There are tears. There is wheezing. There is a completely unhinged detour into animal play that nearly takes both hosts out.

But underneath the laughter, there’s actually a really juicy conversation here. Mel explains that the erotic isn’t just about sex toys, lingerie, or trying to become some mysterious version of yourself. It’s about vitality, curiosity, self-expression, play, and creating moments that feel alive, exciting and connected.

Together, JJ and Mel unpack how to break out of routine, why anticipation matters so much, and how to start exploring erotic activities in ways that feel fun rather than intimidating. This episode is full of ideas you can actually try, whether you’re a total beginner or ready to step a little further outside the box.

In this episode:

• what the erotic actually means
• why routine can flatten desire
• how to bring more play and curiosity into your sex life
• beginner-friendly erotic activities
• more adventurous ideas for couples who want to mix things up
• why sex does not have to be perfect or serious to be hot
• and why laughing together might be one of the sexiest things of all

You’ll hear ideas like:

• showering together with low lights
• pleasure mapping each other’s bodies
• sensory play with touch, temperature and massage oil
• reading erotica to each other
• feeding each other slowly and teasingly
• erotic massage
• undressing each other with intention
• and yes… the now-infamous animal play conversation that sends everyone off the rails.

Pleasure Practice: choose an inside-the-box or outside-the-box erotic activity and give it a go.

Next episode: How to Have Earth-Shattering Orgasms.

This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.

Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide…

Pleasure Delivered.

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com

INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast

FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast

YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast

EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com

Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS:

Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality

Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach

www.melissavranjes.com

Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Want more from Mel? She writes a weekly sex column for Woman's Day magazine.

Pick up the latest issue to read it.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this deeply personal episode of How To Have S*x, Mel opens up about her first pregnancy, when she lost her libido at 15 weeks, stopped wanting s*x, and even lost the ability to have the internal org*sms she once loved.

Jay-Jay and Mel talk honestly about what happens when s*x changes during pregnancy, how scary it can feel when desire disappears, and the panic that can come with wondering whether your s*xuality will ever come back. Mel shares how different her second pregnancy has been, why her first experience felt so confronting, and what helped her and her partner stay intimately connected even when penetrative s*x was off the table for months.

This episode is for anyone who has ever felt confused, shut down, touched out, disconnected from their body, or scared that a low libido season means something is wrong. It’s also a powerful listen for partners who want to understand how to stay close, supportive, and connected without adding pressure.

In this episode, we cover:

• what low libido in pregnancy can actually feel like
• the difference between “I don’t want s*x” and “I don’t feel s*xual at all”
• how pregnancy affected Mel’s org*sms and body confidence
• how to talk about the elephant in the room with your partner
• how to stay intimately connected without penetrative s*x
• returning to s*x postpartum slowly, gently, and without pressure
• why self-touch can help before having penetrative s*x again
• pelvic floor physio, healing, and what’s actually normal after birth
• why you are allowed to be in a season
• why different doesn’t mean broken

Mel also shares one of the most reassuring messages of the episode: you do not need to “bounce back.” Your body has changed, your life has changed, and your s*xuality may change too, but that does not mean it is gone forever.

Next episode: how to bring the erotic back into your s*x life.

This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.

Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide…

Pleasure Delivered.

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com

INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast

FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast

YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast

EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com

Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS:

Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality

Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach

www.melissavranjes.com

Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Want more from Mel? She writes a weekly sex column for Woman's Day magazine.

Pick up the latest issue to read it.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode of How To Have Sex, Jay-Jay Feeney and sex & relationship coach Melissa Vranjes tackle one of the most cringe-inducing parts of intimacy: saying sexy things out loud without dissolving into laughter. If the thought of dirty talk makes you want to do your tax return instead, this episode is definitely for you.

Melissa breaks down why dirty talk doesn’t actually have to be “dirty” at all. It can be playful, flirty, intimate, teasing, affirming, and deeply connecting — whether you’re in the same room or doing long distance. The episode covers how to start small, why texting can be the perfect gateway, how to move away from performative porn-style language, and how to find words that actually feel natural for you.

Jay-Jay, meanwhile, does what Jay-Jay does best: says exactly what everyone else is thinking. Is it awkward? Yes. Will you laugh? Probably. Will you also come away with genuinely useful tips for talking sexy without feeling ridiculous? Also yes.

In this episode, we cover:

• what dirty talk really is
• why so many people find it harder than sex itself
• why sexy texting can be the easiest place to start
• the difference between porn talk and real-life turn-on
• how anticipation can be hotter than explicit language
• how to talk in a way that reflects what you actually desire
• how to laugh through the awkwardness instead of shutting down
• why aftercare and compliments can be part of erotic talk too

Plus, Melissa gives listeners a Pleasure Practice challenge for the week… and puts Jay-Jay on the spot with a live reading exercise that is every bit as awkward and hilarious as you’d hope.

Mel mentions here Dirty Talk Cheat Sheet! You can download a copy of that here

Next episode: Melissa opens up about pregnancy, libido loss, postpartum sex, and what happens when your body feels completely different to the one you used to know. 

This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.

Shop online at wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide…

Pleasure Delivered.

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com/

INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast

FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast

YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast

EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com

Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz/

HOSTS:

Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality

Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach

www.melissavranjes.com

Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Want more from Mel? She writes a weekly sex column for Woman's Day magazine.

Pick up the latest issue to read it.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this lesson of How To Have Sex, Jay-Jay Feeney and sex & relationship coach Melissa Vranjes get very practical about what makes oral sex actually feel good for everyone. This is not about porn moves, performance, or trying to “get it right.” It’s about confidence, communication, anatomy, connection, and learning how to give pleasure in a way that feels good for you too.

Melissa breaks down what “world-class head” really means, why so many people feel pressure around oral sex, and the biggest lies porn has taught us about blowjobs and going down on women. The episode covers hand techniques, oral techniques, sore jaw and lockjaw hacks, how to ask for what you want without dying inside, and why slowing down is often the fastest path to better sex.

You’ll also hear:

• why oral sex feels so vulnerable
• how to stop focusing on performance
• blowjob tips and hand techniques
• oral sex tips for pleasuring a vulva
• why anatomy creates confidence
• how to communicate during sex without killing the mood
• the importance of rhythm, teasing and anticipation
• why pleasure should be about connection, not pressure
• 
  

And of course, Melissa gives Jay-Jay, and you, a new Pleasure Practice for the week: how to give head in a way that feels good for you as well.

Next episode: How to Dirty Talk (Without Dying of Embarrassment).

This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.

Shop online at wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide…

Pleasure Delivered.

How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz/

SUBSTACK: https://hthspodcast.substack.com

Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast

FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast

TIKTOK https://www.tiktok.com/@hths_podcast

YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast

EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com

HOSTS:

Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality

Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach

www.melissavranjes.com

Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Want more from Mel? She writes a weekly sex column for Woman's Day magazine.

Pick up the latest issue to read it.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Before we get into the good stuff, we're starting where all great sex starts: foreplay. This episode is your introduction to hosts Jay-Jay Feeney - veteran NZ broadcaster, podcaster, and self-confessed awkward sex-talker, and Melissa Vranjes, certified holistic sex and relationship coach, somatic therapist, and founder of Sex School.

We get into bed (literally), share how this podcast came to be, and start pulling back the covers on everything from the orgasm gap and sexual confidence, to why most of us learned about sex from porn, and why that's a problem.

No shame. No judgment. Just two women in bed having the conversations everyone's secretly Googling.

For adults 18+. Headphones recommended.

🎙️ Follow, subscribe, and leave us a review. It helps more people find us!

This podcast was produced at PodLab Studios, Auckland https://www.podlab.co.nz/

Bedding by Dehei https://dehei.co/

Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast

FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast

TIKTOK https://www.tiktok.com/@how.to.have.sex.p

YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast

EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com

HOSTS:

Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality

Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach

www.melissavranjes.com

Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Want more from Mel? She writes a weekly sex column for Woman's Day magazine.

Pick up the latest issue to read it.

We launched our podcast on 25 March 2026 and had a party to celebrate.

We would like to thank our incredible Day One supporters who kindly donated toward our party, and goodie bags.

Mad Dog Backdrops                               https://maddogbackdrops.co.nz/

Carmen Bird Photography                  https://www.carmenbirdphotography.co.nz/

Oh Cleoh Condoms                                 https://www.ohcleoh.com/

Rumer Lube                                               https://byrumer.co.nz/

Girls Get Off                                               https://girlsgetoff.com/

Moodi Hormone Gummies                   https://www.moodiblends.com/

Cursive Craft                                               https://cursivecraft.co.nz/

Eve Wellness                                              https://evewellness.com/

XO Gifts                                                      https://xogifts.co.nz/

Framingham Wines                                  https://framingham.co.nz/

Zeffer Cider & Alcoholic drinks         https://zeffer.co.nz/

Woman’s Day Magazine                         https://www.nowtolove.co.nz/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes and Jay-Jay Feeney get into the real foundations of hot sex, and it turns out most of us have been thinking about it completely wrong. Mel introduces her erotic mind mapping method, breaks down the three types of desire (and why most women experience desire very differently to men), and explains why safety, connection, and communication are the actual ingredients for the best sex of your life.

Plus: JJ gets her first Pleasure Practice assignment live on air, and it gets surprisingly vulnerable.

This is sex education for real humans in real relationships. No pressure. No porn scripts. Just honest conversation.

For adults 18+. Headphones recommended.

🎙️ New episodes every Wednesday. Subscribe so you never miss one!

This podcast was produced at PodLab Studios, Auckland https://www.podlab.co.nz/

Bedding by Dehei https://dehei.co/

Mel's Sex Menu: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ELEGkI8NyWl2EAA9tYjlZ2oHs-q8ryns/view

Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast

FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast

TIKTOK https://www.tiktok.com/@how.to.have.sex.p

YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast

EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com

HOSTS:

Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality

Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach

www.melissavranjes.com

Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Want more from Mel? She writes a weekly sex column for Woman's Day magazine.

Pick up the latest issue to read it.

We launched our podcast on 25 March 2026 and had a party to celebrate.

We would like to thank our incredible Day One supporters who kindly donated toward our party, and goodie bags.

Mad Dog Backdrops                        https://maddogbackdrops.co.nz/

Carmen Bird Photography              https://www.carmenbirdphotography.co.nz/

Oh Cleoh Condoms                        https://www.ohcleoh.com/

Rumer Lube                                    https://byrumer.co.nz/

Girls Get Off                                    https://girlsgetoff.com/

Moodi Hormone Gummies              https://www.moodiblends.com/

Cursive Craft                                    https://cursivecraft.co.nz/

Eve Wellness                                   https://evewellness.com/

XO Gifts                                           https://xogifts.co.nz/

Framingham Wines                          https://framingham.co.nz/

Zeffer Cider & Alcoholic drinks         https://zeffer.co.nz/

Woman’s Day Magazine                  https://www.nowtolove.co.nz/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Both are getting into bed to talk about it.

How to Have Sex is hosted by Jay-Jay Feeney — one of New Zealand’s most recognisable voices — and Melissa Vranjes, a holistic sex & relationship coach and somatic therapist.

Jay-Jay has the questions you’re too shy to ask.

Melissa has the answers (and the experience).

From world-class head to low libido, orgasms to pregnancy sex, this podcast breaks down shame, stigma, and bedroom confusion — with humour, honesty, and zero judgement.

If you’ve ever thought:

“Am I normal?”

“Why don’t I feel horny?”

“How do I ask for what I want?”

You’re in the right bed.

Launching 25 March.

____________________________________________________

INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast

TIKTOK https://www.tiktok.com/@how.to.have.sex.p

YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast

FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast

EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com

HOSTS:

Jay-Jay Feeney

Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes

www.melissavranjes.com

Instagram/TikTok: @melissavranjes

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melissa.vranjes.5

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.