IF I MAY BE SO BOLD

Our Origin Story (Start Here)

Wed, 01 Apr 2026 10:03:00 GMT

This episode is our origin story, and the best way to understand what this podcast is.

How we met, nearly didn’t make it, and then found our way.

If you want a feel for the spirit of the show, this is the place to begin.

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Raise Your Hand If You Feel Like A Scared Little Baby

Fri, 18 Jul 2025 12:00:00 GMT

Season 4 Finale! Dan talks through the shame and insecurity that has been coming up for him. Then the couple explores an uncomfortable dynamic that came up at the LA Sparks game earlier this week.

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Gentleness is Disgusting

Fri, 20 Jun 2025 11:30:00 GMT

Dan and Justin wonder why men are turned off by CHATGPT being too sweet and nice to them. Then they explore the idea of softening in like and in relationship.

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RESCUE ME FROM MY PITIFUL STUPID EXISTENCE

Fri, 13 Jun 2025 11:45:00 GMT

Justin shares about feeling closed off and unloving this week. Then the couple processes a recurring fake interaction they've been having.

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Have We Learned How To Fight Yet?

Fri, 06 Jun 2025 11:50:00 GMT

Dan and Justin do some role-play around a dynamic that happens between them that Justin doesn't like.

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Being Hot Keeps The Grief At Bay

Mon, 02 Jun 2025 11:19:00 GMT

Dan talks about his past judgments towards men being outwardly loving. Then Justin explores her relationship to her looks past and present.

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I’ve Never Been there? Probably Doesn’t Exist

Fri, 23 May 2025 13:00:00 GMT

Justin asks Dan to articulate what coming out of denial feels like. Then Justin recounts how Dan’s recovery used to spin her out.

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When It’s Me It’s Lame

Mon, 12 May 2025 13:20:00 GMT

Justin and Dan discuss an ugly dynamic that used to come up for them and speculate on why it's different now. Then Justin talks about feelings that have been coming up around the lineage of “victimhood” for women in her family, and her resistance to looking back on he twenties.

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It'll Suck and I’m Gonna Hate It The Whole Time

Fri, 02 May 2025 12:00:00 GMT

Dan describes how he broke through an emotional barrier with some help from ChatGPT. Then the couple shares a major announcement before we hear them work through a fight in real time.

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Scrambling The Sacred

Fri, 25 Apr 2025 10:01:00 GMT

Dan and Justin talk about their relationship to being funny and how it's changing.

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We Have To Get Back To The Dogs

Fri, 11 Apr 2025 10:10:00 GMT

Dan talks to Justin about the struggle he's had making contact with his inner child. They then explore the burden of feeling like it's your job to make the conversation fun, and the trap of filling up your life with responsibilities in order to feel safe.

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Trust Me I KNOW I'm a Piece of Sh*t

Sat, 05 Apr 2025 07:00:00 GMT

Dan and Justin talk about the rabbit hole of healing and recovery work and the fear of sounding like you’ve been brainwashed to some people.

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He Died This Excruciating Death for Me (A Piece of Sh*t)

Fri, 21 Mar 2025 09:08:00 GMT

Dan describes his torturous and confusing process of deciding to put Rickey the dog down. Then Justin and Dan talk about having a relationship with a higher power and how it stands in contrast to their childhood experiences with religion

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Do You Love The Hater In Me?

Fri, 07 Mar 2025 11:00:00 GMT

Justin and Dan talk about the New York Times article about a woman who’s in an intimate relationship with CHATGPT. Then they recount a charged experience they had this week on a zoom call with a tantra teacher.

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An Unstoppable Force Meets An Immovable Object

Fri, 21 Feb 2025 11:03:00 GMT

Dan tells Justin about a narrative he's been having in his head in which she's miserable right now. Then they discuss their respective relationships to spontaneity before kind of gettin into a fight right at the end of the episode!

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The Funniest Boy In The Group Chat

Fri, 07 Feb 2025 11:00:00 GMT

Dan and Justin discuss why they were so moved by a recent rewatch of the 2001 movie "A Beautiful Mind." Then they explore the pitfall of getting stuck in a "role self" and how it can doom an intimate partnership which leads them into reflecting back on periods of major doubt in their own relationship.

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My Breath Catches and I Supress a Sob

Fri, 31 Jan 2025 11:02:00 GMT

Dan and Justin discuss if either or both of them are good in a crisis and then talk through a recurring negative cycle they used to often suffer through and why it's different now. We then hear about Dan's "cool" morning ritual and the song Justin has been singing to her inner child.

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Don't Ruin My Special Bath Time

Fri, 24 Jan 2025 11:02:00 GMT

Justin and Dan break down a pattern of fighting that has been happening since they returned from New York. Justin lashes out, Dan recoils, everyone loses.

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Throwing Up in Public

Fri, 03 Jan 2025 11:04:10 GMT

Hi! Today Justin and Dan listen to a voice memo of a real fight reconciliation of theirs and reflect back on what went down. They also revisit an uncomfortable confrontation from nearly five years ago when they had first started dating. Justin then shares her huge vomiting in public win and they recap their wildly connecting New Years Eve night out and how it shed light on past struggles.

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Are We Doing Good Or Are We Doing Bad?

Mon, 23 Dec 2024 11:06:10 GMT

Dan and Justin lost their close friend a few weeks ago and talk about what's been coming up around his death. Then they discuss why getting covid (and the state of their relationship) this year feels SO different than last year before rating how much they like each other and name what's been "saving their marriage."

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Object Of Love

Fri, 06 Dec 2024 11:05:42 GMT

Who taught YOU how to fight? What happens when we desperately cling to good feelings?

Justin and Dan break down why they've struggled to have conflict in past relationships. They also talk subtle abandonment, sneaky denial, and the freedom available when you move away from codependency.

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Do You Wanna Fight?

Fri, 22 Nov 2024 11:00:19 GMT

After a false start, we are finally ready to give you Season 4! This season will center around Dan and Justin learning to fight. It's November and Justin is Flyinggg. She recounts a recent rough patch in which she was hating her appearance and struggling with her identity and self-esteem, and what it feels like to be on the other side of that. Then they talk through a recent incident where something Justin did upset Dan and how they both made sense of it during and afterwards. Lastly we hear about how some of Dan's trauma and hyper-vigilance has been showing up on the pickleball court.

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You Can't Give Your Partner Their Own Healing

Fri, 06 Sep 2024 10:06:35 GMT

OK kids we're back!

Dan and Justin rate how much they like each other at the moment and give some relationship highs and lows from the recent past. Justin shares a new mantra she's been trying out and they explore what it's like to be in a relationship when both partners are in fear. Then Dan share's something that happens to him when he's around "sports guys." Thanks for being here!

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The Evangelical Urge

Fri, 05 Jul 2024 10:00:59 GMT

Season 4 is here! Dan and Justin are back and getting more real than ever. They discuss the binary of seeking versus acceptance, Justin's Spanish teacher's feelings towards PHANTOM THREAD, the state of the relationship, and Justin wonders if it's safe for her to participate in an exercise program.

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Your Anxiety Doesn't have To Be My Anxiety

Fri, 03 May 2024 10:21:48 GMT

We got a shorty for you today. Followed by a singing voice message from Justin's mom, Justin and Dan discuss the ADHD boom/bust cycle, Dan's chaotic nightstand, and then have an honest and at times uncomfortable conversation about something that happened between them while attending a play for Justin's birthday. Anxiety! Autonomy! Parts Work!

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Justin Bieber's Birthday (and Letting Go of People Pleasing)

Fri, 15 Mar 2024 10:00:00 GMT

Hey! SO much has happened since last we spoke. Embracing conflict! Moving away from people pleasing behavior! Getting in the arena of life! Get in the water's warm cutie babies.

@iimbsb

https://www.patreon.com/iimbsb

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S3 Finale! Getting Real About What's Not Working

Thu, 05 Oct 2023 01:00:39 GMT

Ok folks, this is the real sh*t. Justin and Dan get into it about their struggles with avoidance and disconnection in the last several months. How can they find each other when things aren't flowing? Is there a way through the struggle?

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Believing In Your Own Goodness (Ramesh Srivastava of Voxtrot Returns!)

Thu, 28 Sep 2023 10:24:01 GMT

Ramesh is back! And this time he is in a relationship; we dig into it. He tells Dan what he learned from his long tortured history of falling for unavailable men, and what it's like to experience committed love now that he's found it. Spoiler: it's complicated!

Check out "Another Fire," Voxtrot's first new release in 14 years!

If you are interested in working with Krish and/or Amana you can find them here: https://www.learningloveinstitute.com/

The podcaster/therapist Ramesh references is Ken Page of the Deeper Dating Podcast: https://deeperdatingpodcast.com/

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BREAKING: Quirky ENFP Boyfriend Turns Out To Be A Control Freak

Thu, 14 Sep 2023 10:14:45 GMT

Wow there is SO much going on in Episode 8. Justin and Dan process their respective revelations from the last week. What does it really mean to be cringe? Then they dive into the topic of CONTROL. What did control look like in each of Justin and Dan's families growing up and how is it coming into play in their connection and relationship dysfunction. Then they touch on some of the amazing merits of the 12-Step program ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families).

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How Becoming A Mom Changes You (With Maya Vizvary)

Thu, 07 Sep 2023 10:10:19 GMT

We get the lowdown from our dear friend Maya Vizvary (Office On Violence Against Women at the DOJ) about her experience becoming a mom during deep covid. She tells us how having a kid changed her relationship to herself, her work, and to those close to her.

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Tantra Retreats, Waking Up To Life, and Friend Break-Ups (with Sarah Natsumi Moore)

Thu, 10 Aug 2023 10:05:14 GMT

With wise person Sarah Natsumi Moore, we cover a bunch or irresistible topics. She tells us about attending life-changing Tantra retreats in Brazil, dating after a marriage, the enneagram, and the power and pain of friend breakups.

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Dating While Trans, Being Dan’s Ex, and Wondering If Nonhierarchical Dating Is Real

Thu, 03 Aug 2023 16:01:30 GMT

We interview one of Dan's exes (ahhh!): activist and soon-to-be abolitionist lawyer Jac Lyons. We hear about Dan and Jack's relationship and breakup(s) Then we ask Jack about their journey of identity; coming out, leaving their femme presentation behind, and eventually realizing that they are trans.

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Wherever You Go There You Are: Temptation Island Edition

Thu, 27 Jul 2023 05:21:44 GMT

Justin shares a huge breakthrough she had at a party last weekend. Dan and Justin explore how childhood wounds are showing up in their relationship and what they believe about them. Then they check in on Season 5 of USA/Peacock's Temptation Island.

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Your ADHD Brain isn't Broken (With Dr. Tamara Rosier)

Thu, 20 Jul 2023 10:15:06 GMT

It’s an ADHD party! Dan and Justin welcome midwestern queen and delightful author of Your Brain's Not Broken, Dr. Tamara Rosier to the pod. We talk navigating life, relationships, and emotions with ADHD.

Insta: https://www.instagram.com/dr.tamararosier/

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Jonah Hill, Sarah Brady, and What Could've Been

Mon, 17 Jul 2023 20:07:24 GMT

On this bonus episode, we tackle some big, juicy themes. After sharing some recent wins and realizations,(1:02) Dan and Justin weigh in and discuss the notorious screenshot texts between Jonah Hill and Sarah Brady (15:04). What do the texts say about Jonah and the power dynamic at play in their relationship? Justin and Dan then each take a crack at what Jonah could've said (35:33) to Sarah to engender intimacy and understanding around this issue they were having.

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Come To Temptation Island

Fri, 14 Jul 2023 02:04:36 GMT

Justin and Dan check in about Dan's depression and how they are both navigating it within the relationship. Dan and Justin visit (watch on TV) Season 5 of Temptation Island. It's juicy, it's messy, it's BOLD! We hear their thoughts on the setup of the show, the contestants, and the relationship dynamics at play. Dive in, the water's warm.

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How Enneagram Can Save Your Relationship (With Amanda Clegg)

Thu, 06 Jul 2023 02:48:58 GMT

Our guest Amanda Clegg (@enneagraminrelationship) coaches couples through the lens of The Enneagram of Personality. She tells us how this tool can unlock some amazingly helpful insights and empower couples to understand each other more deeply. Dan and Justin also describe their respective types and some areas of difficulty they have run into recently.

FREE ENNEAGRAM QUIZ: Keep in mind that the quiz isn't 100% reliable. It's helpful to do some reading about the different types to figure out yours.

https://www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/test

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If You Can Say The Thing That's Under The B*tchiness

Thu, 22 Jun 2023 10:28:01 GMT

Trouble in paradise?! Justin and Dan talk through the latest obstacles their relationship has faced and the struggle to communicate through it all. Other topics covered: Is Celsius a symbol of Pride month? Is it legal to talk about "Nature Vs. Nurture?" Being brought to tears by Shania Twain, and asshole couple behavior.

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Will I Be Thrown Out of The Boat if I Step on The Oar?

Tue, 02 May 2023 22:12:15 GMT

We are checking in as we excitedly await the start of Season 3! Dan and Justin reflect on the challenges of learning to live together and how it feels to grieve the "honeymoon period" of their relationship. They also compare notes on being diagnosed with ADHD in their 30s before Justin speaks on her struggles with adult acne.

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Michael and Christine

Tue, 06 Dec 2022 11:13:02 GMT

It's our season finale! This is a very special episode; an oral history of a couple as told by the couple themselves. Michael and Christine were together for 13 years before deciding to part ways 5 years ago. Today we ask them about what brought them together and the roles they each played in the relationship and its eventual unraveling as they now work towards a healthy friendship.

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"That's Pretty Gay!"

Tue, 29 Nov 2022 11:25:07 GMT

We are joined by the iconic Shirley Braha (of @marniethedog fame) as we hear about her experience coming out as a lesbian in her late 30s. We hear about her first kiss(es), her challenges attending an Orthodox Jewish high school in Brooklyn, and dive into the astrological tensions of Princess Diana and Prince Charles.

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Tales From Reddit Vol. 2

Tue, 15 Nov 2022 06:17:35 GMT

In this episode Justin describes her transformative evening at the Harry Styles show before she and Dan briefly touch on the concept of "womb envy." After that, they dive back into the "Relationship Advice" Subreddit discussing a 30-something who's suspicious of an interaction she observed between her sister and husband, and an entry involving someone who's distressed over the constant feedback she gets that her boyfriend is ugly.

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If You're Really Sorry, I Wanna See Some Of That Money In My Bank Account

Tue, 08 Nov 2022 11:03:15 GMT

In this episode we give you the second half of our chat with Hannah Smith (1:40) exploring the implications of Josh Harris's book I KISSED DATING GOODBYE. We hear how Justin and and Hannah have continued to reshape their relationships to sexuality after growing up in repressive Christian communities. In the second half (28:25), Justin and Dan dig into chapter 2 of Esther Perel's MATING IN CAPTIVITY. We look at Esther's belief that too much intimacy, closeness, and comfort can be the death of passion and sexual vitality.

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We Kiss, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," Goodbye

Tue, 01 Nov 2022 10:00:34 GMT

In the first half of our two-part discussion, we welcome our friend Hannah Smith: host of the hit true-crime podcast THE OPPORTUNIST. As teens, Justin and Hannah both read the books of Joshua Harris including the best-selling sensation I KISSED DATING GOODBYE. Join us as we unpack the impact this book had on both Justin and Hannah when they first read it. We look at its messaging, context, and Josh Harris's pivot away from the Evangelical Christian community and renunciation of the book.

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Security AND Erotic Vitality

Tue, 13 Sep 2022 11:00:21 GMT

As relationships become more familiar over time, can we continue to cultivate passion, vitality, and sexual desire? With Justin's move-in date just around the corner, we give you first installment of our dive into Esther Perel's incredible book Mating In Captivity. For those of you reading along, we are covering the introduction and first chapter here. Justin and Dan take excerpts from the book and use them to examine their own dynamic and look back on times when things have not flowed as easily between them.

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The Religious Expectation That You Have Your Sh*t Together

Tue, 30 Aug 2022 10:10:00 GMT

In this special episode, Justin sits down with her mom, artist and teacher Rebecca Waring, to talk about the evolution of their relationship. They discuss their religious upbringings, what has kept them from being close in the past, going to therapy together, and how to deal with intergenerational wounds.

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Tales From Reddit

Tue, 23 Aug 2022 10:30:49 GMT

On todays episode, we weigh in on some entries from the Relationship Advice subreddit having to do with friendship tensions around dating. Then you'll hear as we ask our friend Mike Hammond (actor, theatre director and teacher) to tell the story of his first kiss.

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Our Ancestors Want Us To Be Happy

Tue, 16 Aug 2022 10:30:38 GMT

In this episode we speak with author and family constellation therapy facilitator Meenadchi. We have all kinds of questions about this type of therapy and the kinds of healing it can bring. We also explore the concept of intergenerational trauma and why it's important to stop and consider if you need to express yourself authentically, or if you need to be heard.

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I Do Things FOR My Body, Not TO My Body (With Aaron Flores)

Tue, 09 Aug 2022 11:00:00 GMT

We sit down with Dietician Nutritionist and Certified Body Trust® provider Aaron Flores to talk about fat-phobia, fat-stigma, and Health At Every Size (HAES). We discuss why it's important for men to disentangle diet culture in their own lives and what we all lose when we buy into it.

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Terrified to Merge

Tue, 02 Aug 2022 11:30:10 GMT

Hey we're back! In our season premiere, we interview each other re: the hopes and fears that are coming up as as we anticipate moving in together. We also dig into the viral "Tony Pizza" post from the "Relationships" Subreddit and all of its implications.

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Season 2 is Coming! What Was Your First Kiss?

Mon, 25 Jul 2022 21:50:17 GMT

Holy crud we are back to tease the upcoming season! What are Justin and Dan most excited about this time around? Will they survive moving in together? Also listen as they each tell the story of the first time they kissed someone.

INSTAGRAM

@iimbsb

ifimaypodcast@gmail.com

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The Ex Files (Season Finale!)

Tue, 12 Apr 2022 10:18:15 GMT

Lately we have been pondering the ways in which the story of a relationship can evolve over time. In Episode 10, Dan and Justin each tell the story of one of their significant past relationships: how it began, how it evolved, and how the story continued to change after the relationship ended.

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EMAIL US: ifimaypodcast@gmail.com

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I Would Say That it’s Not Super Chill to be a Virgo, with Ally Gluckman

Tue, 05 Apr 2022 10:00:35 GMT

We are joined by the very wise Ally Gluckman (skin therapist, learned astrology student, and Dan's cousin) as we dance with the zodiac. Ally explains why she doesn't like to use astrology in a predictive or "deterministic" way; then we look at the zodiac signs that people tend to hate on the most. Also Dan and Ally talk about their grandfathers who were brothers, and how their relationships with the older generations of their family have informed how they want to show up in the present and for the generations to come.

patreon.com/iimbsb

ifimaypodcast@gmail.com

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I'm Not OK

Tue, 29 Mar 2022 10:07:08 GMT

In this episode, we talk about the impulse to cover up or not cover up your own suffering. Justin describes some mental health difficulties she's been dealing with and her fears around letting it affect her relationship with Dan. Then we discuss some specific concerns and desires that are arising as we consider the possibility of moving in together.

EMAIL us @:

ifimaypodcast@gmail.com

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I Know We Just Met But... Want to Move to Sudan? with Rebecca Waring Crane and Ken Crane

Tue, 22 Mar 2022 10:09:54 GMT

In episode 7 we speak with Justin's parents! We explore the idea of being friends, or even best friends with your romantic partner. Ken and Rebecca recount the tumult of getting married after only knowing each other for 6 months and immediately moving to Sudan together. We also discuss the importance of noticing and releasing the impulse to police or manage your partner's behavior.

KEN'S BOOK:

https://www.amazon.com/Iraqi-Refugees-United-States-Enduring/dp/1479886904

REBECCA'S WEBSITE:

http://rebeccawaringcrane.com/

EMAIL US!

ifimaypodcast@gmail.com

INSTA:

@iimbsb

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Can I Boop Your Nose 3 Times? with Mia Schachter

Tue, 15 Mar 2022 10:30:04 GMT

In this episode we are lucky enough to speak with The Consent Wizard themself: Mia Schachter. We discuss the important distinction between wanting to do something vs. being willing to do it, and learning to identify when you're making an offer vs. making a request. We also revisit the 2018 Aziz Ansari controversy, and explore the reasons why cisgendered men are resistant to signing up for Mia's consent courses.

Resources Mentioned in the Episode:

Mia's Insta: @consentwizard

Oumou: @connectwithoumou

CJ Miller: @cjkittenmiller

Mistress Vivienne: @mistress.vivienne

Meenadchi: https://traumainformednvc.thinkific.com

Here’s the class Mia and Meenadchi taught together for Mental Health Professionals about pronouns: https://traumainformednvc.thinkific.com/courses/pronoun-practice-for-mental-health-professionals-and-practitioners

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Monogamy is Not a Fix for Jealousy, with Emily Paul

Tue, 01 Mar 2022 09:00:51 GMT

On this episode Mutual Aid Organizer and Technologist Emily Paul joins us as we discuss common misconceptions about Non-monogamy. We also explore how addressing smaller, "less important" tensions in relationships equips you to handle greater challenges when they come up, and the possibility of becoming a parent without a primary romantic partner.

Emily’s currently organizing with her neighbors to buy an apartment building in dc and turn it into an affordable housing cooperative for Black and brown working class DC residents

Link: https://givebutter.com/baldwinhouse/emilypaul

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The Comfortable Lie of "I'm Not Like That"

Tue, 22 Feb 2022 11:30:37 GMT

A relationship doesn't exist in a vacuum, but when you're in it, it can be hard to see the larger cultural context. After some uncomfortable and illuminating dialogue with listeners and friends, Dan and Justin look back on the conflict in episode 3 with new eyes and break down what they were unable to see in the moment.

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Permission To Not Be Warm and Fuzzy

Tue, 15 Feb 2022 12:00:18 GMT

This episode drops you into a tense moment between Justin and Dan. One thing led to another and they both ended up TRIGGERED. Listen as they process their respective inner monologues, feelings, and beliefs about the relationship in real time.

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Life Makes You A Leader, with Ramesh Srivastava

Tue, 08 Feb 2022 12:00:18 GMT

Our friend and brilliant musician Ramesh Srivastava joins us as we dive into his journey launching the band VOXTROT in his early 20s. We explore the roles he's played in relationships, what it means to be a healthy leader, and the importance of flowing with and not against the stream of your own life.

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You're Stuck There Forever Until You Acknowledge The Feeling

Tue, 01 Feb 2022 12:00:35 GMT

In their first episode, Dan and Justin interview each other about how each of them developed ideas of healthy vs unhealthy relationships early on in life. They explore Justin's confusion as a teen about sex and romance as well as messaging from their parents' and onscreen/celebrity couples.

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Trailer

Sun, 29 Aug 2021 23:49:42 GMT

How do we learn to be good friends or partners? Many of us don't! What are we really talking about when we refer to good and bad relationships?

Dan and Justin are in a romantic relationship. They've both worked hard to get to a place where they feel ready to take on the work of making it a healthy one; but it's still tough! Come be a fly on the wall as they navigate the ups and downs, and hear from friends and experts about their own relationship wisdom and blunders.

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