Is she weird or just Nordic?

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Royal feud

Wed, 04 Feb 2026 13:43:20 GMT

In this episode, I’m pushed to the brink by my neighbours, who have apparently decided that 6 a.m. drilling is a human right. At what point does renovation noise become a hate crime? Asking for all of us. Honestly, jail.

Then we move on to the most shocking thing to happen in Norway since… ever: the royal family drama currently unfolding in real time. I break down what’s going on, why the entire country is watching it like a reality TV show, and what it means for an institution that’s usually allergic to scandal. A crown princess has been allegedly mentioned in the Epstein files, and her son is currently on trial facing 38 charges, including sexual assault and drug-related offences — a case that has completely dominated the national conversation.

I also explain the royal family dynamics for anyone who’s lost, and I send love where it’s deserved — a big shout-out to Märtha Louise and Durek Verrett.

I wrap up by hoping you’re well, reminding you that I’m on tour (dates on my website), and promising to see you very soon.

Follow Pernille Haaland:

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

when a the princess of Norway comes to see your show

Wed, 28 Jan 2026 23:01:45 GMT

In this episode, I talk about the absolutely unhinged weekend I just had — including the princess… ex-princess?of Norway turning up to one of my shows, followed shortly by four security guards having to physically remove a very drunk Australian man from the room. Which is comedy. It’s live comedy. Anything can happen. Royalty in the front row, chaos in the back.

From there, I spiral gently into the fact that I kind of hate the world at the moment. Everything’s on fire, it’s tragic, vibes are bad. Then I pivot — as all great philosophers do — to my messy flat, which is really just a visual representation of my mental state. Messy flat, messy mind. You can quote me on that. Put it on a pillow.

I talk about how, as humans, all we can really do is try. Every day. That’s it. That’s the bar. And some days even that feels like a stretch. Then I completely forget the moral of the tortoise and the hare — there is a lesson there, I’m sure — and I openly admit I should have Googled it.

Towards the end, I get a little soppy. I pay tribute to Michelle Wolf, one of the absolute greats, and talk about my friends who are smashing it right now and inspiring the hell out of me. It’s heartfelt, but don’t worry — we keep it sharp, not Hallmark.

Take care of yourselves. Come see me at one of my future shows. Love you lots.

Follow Pernille Haaland:

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

gotta love a UTI

Fri, 23 Jan 2026 13:29:12 GMT

On today’s episode, I start off where we’re all living right now: the low-grade terror of existing in a world that feels permanently on the brink. Comforting! From there, we take a hard left into something far more practical — my dog’s urinary tract infection, the indignity of trying to collect a urine sample from a very small dog, and the strange courage it takes to fully commit to that task despite the shame.

I also talk about being a guest on a podcast I absolutely should never have been on — one about being single — and why I really struggle to connect with women who are invested in traditional gender roles and the status quo. Maybe that makes me a bitch. I prefer to think it makes me honest. And funny.

We also get into body stuff: ageing, weight, self-consciousness, and the ongoing battle between being kind to yourself and telling yourself to get a grip. Your body is a vessel. It gets you from A to B. That’s it. Calm down.

And finally, I’m on tour! I’ve just released my UK tour dates — you can find them all on my website www.pernillehaaland.com

Thanks for listening. Take care of yourselves. 💛

Follow Pernille Haaland:

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

turn this ship around

Thu, 15 Jan 2026 21:36:54 GMT

So… welcome. I am currently hiding from storms.

Not metaphorically — literally. The weather in Norway feels personal right now.

And honestly the global political weather isn’t great either. Isn’t it kind of cringe to still be doing colonisation in 2026? Like… read the room?!

Anyway — this episode is about hiding, and also about letting things go.

Because sometimes the momentum just isn’t there anymore. With people, with situations, with versions of yourself. And when something starts to feel heavy instead of alive, maybe that’s not a sign to push harder — maybe it’s a sign to let go.

Which is ironic, because I am amazing at holding on to procrastination.

I don’t want to write my show.

I don’t want to do the washing up.

Especially because my dishwasher is broken and I’m apparently living in the 1800s now.

So instead I’ve been watching films — I saw Sentimental Value, which is incredible — and getting ready to go on tour, which is exciting and mildly terrifying.

And I’ve been thinking about the people I love. Especially my older sister, who I adore and who keeps me grounded in the best way.

So I guess this is just a reminder to surround yourself with people you love, let go of what no longer fits, and hide from storms when you need to.

I really hope I see you soon on tour.

Take care. 💛

Follow Pernille Haaland:

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Nordic countries unite around Lego

Fri, 09 Jan 2026 20:17:51 GMT

So… welcome to 2026.

We are one week in and somehow already in what feels like a geopolitical thriller.

Like — this is not “New Year, New Me.”

This is “New Year, New Cold War.”

I’ll get to that. But first: Christmas was actually lovely. I had a great holiday, I hope you did too — although the contrast between “quiet Nordic winter” and “the world actively on fire” is… jarring.

On New Year’s Eve we literally had to save a 20-year-old girl who got too drunk, lost her phone, and ended up alone in the mountains in Norway. Which sounds like a Netflix true-crime series, but luckily it wasn’t. We found her, she was fine, and we did a good deed. So that felt nice.

Meanwhile the rest of the world?

Unwell.

It genuinely feels like we’re on the brink of war over… Greenland.

Which is wild, because the main export of Greenland is ice and vibes.

I’m very grateful Denmark has Lego — because at this point our only defense strategy is to build a wall around Greenland out of tiny plastic bricks and hope everyone respects it.

And if that fails, we’ll just ask Iceland to erupt a volcano.

Because nothing says “sovereignty” like grounding all flights for six months.

Good luck invading when the sky is just… ash.

I mean, let’s see how far anyone gets when their luxury jet can’t even land because there’s literal magma in the air.

Anyway.

Other than the impending doom, this episode is actually quite cozy.

I talk about the year ahead and what I want from it — and my main political wish is very simple:

I want politics to be boring again.

I want our leaders to be invisible.

That’s how you know they’re doing a good job.

If I recognize your face, something has gone wrong.

I also talk about my love language, which I think is… logistics.

I’m not romantic. I don’t do grand gestures. I’ll never write you a poem — but I will make sure your passport is valid and your dentist appointment is booked.

That’s love. That’s Nordic romance.

So maybe I’m not cold — maybe I’m just Nordic?

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this episode.

Please share it, rate it, write a review — all that algorithmic witchcraft really helps.

I’m on tour, I hope I see you in a city where you live, and the full tour list is on my website: www.pernillehaaland.com

Follow Pernille Haaland:

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

go to church and remember why you are atheist...

Sat, 27 Dec 2025 22:59:25 GMT

In this episode I ramble about the Christmas holidays — wherever you are and whatever you’re celebrating, I hope it’s been a decent one. I know this time of year can be rough for people with difficult families, so genuinely: I hope you’re doing alright.

I’ve actually been lucky enough to have had a really nice one myself. I talk about my grandparents, and how if you give my nana even a drop of alcohol she’ll immediately start telling stories about the Nazi occupation — and honestly, I love it.

I also talk about church, and how if you ever need to be reminded why you’re an atheist, just go to church. The second they mention the Virgin Mary I’m like, “Ah yes. Absolutely not buying this.”

Then I drift into some pondering about next year, what’s coming, and where things are headed.

So yeah — a wholesome little episode, very on-brand for the festive season.

Follow Pernille Haaland:

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

the show must go on

Wed, 17 Dec 2025 15:05:17 GMT

In this episode, I kick things off by wishing you happy celebrations—whatever you celebrate. Christmas, not Christmas, something else entirely… honestly, as long as you’re okay, that’s what matters.

Then things get a little weird—in a good way. I start unpacking my thoughts for 2026 and accidentally (or maybe intentionally) walk you straight into the early stages of my next show. This episode is basically me thinking out loud: outlining ideas, questioning them, wrestling with them, and showing you what the creative process actually looks like when a comedian is trying to build something new.

If you’re into comedy and curious about how jokes, themes, and shows are born, this one’s for you. And if you’re not, it’s still entertaining because I definitely reveal too much—as usual—to a level that’s mildly dangerous. Don’t worry though, I’ve got my seatbelt on. You might want to buckle yours too.

There’s a lot of ranting, a lot of honesty, and probably more transparency than is advisable. I don’t usually reveal all my secrets, but this time I kind of lay everything out—nice and tidy, just the way you like it.

As always, I’d love your feedback. DM me anytime—I genuinely love connecting with listeners. And don’t forget to like, share, subscribe, and leave a review. Good or bad, I’ll read it. I’ve got thick skin. Mama enjoys a good counterpoint.

Alright—let’s go.

Follow Pernille Haaland:

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

37

Wed, 10 Dec 2025 18:16:08 GMT

In this episode, I’m chatting all about my birthday — yep, I’m turning 37 tomorrow! I do a little debrief and reflection on what I’ve learned, the wisdom I’ve gathered, and all the things I’ve picked up while roaming around Planet Earth for 37 whole moons.

It’s a fun, cozy catch-up, and yes… I still have a cold. So please bear with me if I sound like someone is pinching my nose shut — I swear no one is. It’s just where I’m at right now, you guys.

This one’s a big birthday-special episode, and if it happens to be your birthday too, congrats! We are out here doing it, queens. I’m feeling very grateful, and I’m looking forward to everything that 2026 has in store.

Follow Pernille Haaland:

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Weak Boyz

Tue, 02 Dec 2025 18:26:01 GMT

Today’s episode kicks off with a heartfelt, deeply spiritual rant about my eternal feud with Valencia—yes, the city in Spain. There is a backstory, and no, I’m not repeating it here; you’ll have to listen to the podcast to understand why Valencia and I are never, ever getting back together. But shout-out to the wonderful audiences in Spain—you were lovely, even if your geography betrayed me.

Then I launch into an update on my recovery, because I’ve been ill—did I mention I’d been ill?—and Christmas is looming like a giant, festive migraine. Especially in Norway, where December is basically someone turning the universe’s dimmer switch to “off.” Every time you go outside, it’s like stepping directly into the abyss. Very atmospheric. Very harrowing. Very “Nordic noir,” but without the murder mystery—unless you count my will to live.

I also reveal my glamorous recovery method, which is watching an obscene number of Julia Roberts movies. Truly, nothing gets you through long hours of illness like Julia smiling her way through situations that would emotionally level the rest of us.

And then, naturally, I detour into a passionate thesis on why Christian men are definitely gay—or at least deeply allergic to their own feelings. Which leads to a broader rant about men and emotional vulnerability: not that men struggle, but that they refuse to admit they’re struggling, as if feelings are some sort of contagious weakness. Cue another spiral. Cue another rant.

So yes. A fun, cheerful episode for the whole family.

Follow Pernille Haaland:

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

so ill you guys, sorry

Wed, 26 Nov 2025 15:56:03 GMT

Welcome back to… whatever this is. Honestly, this episode shouldn’t even be a podcast because it’s basically just me complaining about being ill. I currently sound like an 80-year-old chain-smoker who’s been through 40 packs a day, so apologies in advance.

This episode is pretty much me being ill, talking about being ill, and then—just for variety—ranting a bit more about being ill. It’s got very ‘I’m taking a break from social media, everyone’ energy, except instead of taking a break, I’m… making a podcast? For reasons that are not yet clear to me or to you. Maybe we’ll figure it out together.

But anyway, this is a quick little update on where I’m at in life. And wherever you are, take your vitamin C, wrap up warm, and brace yourselves. Winter is coming, baby.

Follow Pernille Haaland:

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Norwegian men can't date me

Tue, 18 Nov 2025 15:35:31 GMT

This week I go on a full-throttle, caffeinated rant triggered by a Ukrainian woman telling me — with great confidence — that I need Botox and should’ve started five years ago. (Thank you??)

From there, we spiral naturally into why I refuse to date Norwegian men again (spiritual incompatibility is real), and then — because why not — into my ongoing anxiety about the rise of the far-right in Norway. The Christian Conservative Party makes a cameo as an example of… well… several things.

I also talk candidly about religion, belief, and the afterlife with my usual blend of bitterness-but-make-it-cute. Atheists will cackle. Religious listeners may disagree with me on several points — which is absolutely fine. Everybody gets to keep their own worldview; I’m just loudly sharing mine.

Light topics only. Promise.

It’s chaotic, opinionated, mildly unhinged, and somehow strangely uplifting.

Follow Pernille Haaland:

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

advice from a b*tch

Tue, 11 Nov 2025 11:42:44 GMT

In this episode, I’m running on no sleep — and it shows. What starts as a chaotic rant turns into a journey through my recent trip to the Netherlands, meeting new comedians (and what annoys me about them, mostly because I see too much of myself), and somehow ends with me doing stand-up for NATO. Yes, NATO.

It’s not my proudest or calmest episode, but it’s real. Somewhere between the complaining and the coffee, I start giving unsolicited life advice — the kind I’ve earned through trial, error, and a lot of self-reflection. Take it or leave it, but it’s all about how not to get in your own way.

So, listen in, forgive the sleep deprivation, and if you’ve got wisdom of your own to share, send it my way. Because honestly, we’re all just headless chickens on a spinning rock, hurdling through the univers, trying to stay calm. Keep calm, carry on, and take care.

Follow Pernille Haaland:

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

my vulva

Wed, 05 Nov 2025 16:17:25 GMT

In today’s episode, I talk about two things that have absolutely nothing to do with each other — my vulva and my brand-new IUD. Only joking! Of course they are connected. I had it inserted today (ouch), and while I’m in pain, it’s totally manageable. Honestly, best invention since the traffic light. Then we get into my tour, and my complicated feelings about Brussels — a city I claim to dislike, though it might just remind me a little too much of a certain ex-boyfriend.

This episode’s a bit shorter (I’m mildly sedated, please forgive me), but I think it’s still fun — and I think I make sense. You’ll tell me if I don’t.

Follow Pernille Haaland:

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

losing my religion

Wed, 29 Oct 2025 13:59:07 GMT

Today I’m a full-on hormonal mess — and honestly, it’s fine. It’s just been one of those days where the world (and certain creepy Christians) really get under my skin. Can we please stop enforcing outdated beliefs on everyone, especially when it comes to women’s reproductive rights? I’m over it.

So, in this episode, I go on a bit of a rant — about that, about feeling suffocated by hypocrisy — but I also talk about tour life in Europe, which has been pure chaos in the best way. We’re weird, we’re kooky, and I’m absolutely here for it.

It’s a mix of lighthearted moments and existential spirals — you know, classic me. Thanks for listening. Take care.

Follow Pernille Haaland:

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

basic bitch feminist

Tue, 21 Oct 2025 14:40:03 GMT

Today I get really personal. Like, oversharing-on-the-internet personal. I’m honestly amazed that people from all over the world are listening to this — like, hi to whoever’s in Finland right now! Thanks so much, truly.

Then I talk about how I’m heading out on tour, which is wild, and how I’m trying to be better at connecting with the people I love. Translation: I’ve finally become the kind of adult who calls their 94-year-old Norwegian Nana. She’s iconic. She still tells me to “get a real job,” but in a loving Scandinavian way.

Then I talk about my friend who just had a baby — and look, I don’t usually care about babies. Sorry, they’re just small, loud potatoes. But her baby? Obsessed. Suddenly I’m like, “Is this what maternal instinct feels like or is this just caffeine?”

Then I dive straight into feminism and motherhood — the whole “should I, shouldn’t I have a baby” spiral. I also talk about my sister, who’s basically a walking miracle. If every woman had a sister like mine, the world would be a better place. But if you don’t, that’s okay — just, please, don’t say the words “I’m not really a feminist,” because babes… you are a feminist. End of discussion.

I go on a full feminist rant. Like, capital-F Feminism. At one point, I think I start preaching. But somehow, by the grace of emotional whiplash, I end up talking about love — how I’m feeling it, and how I hope you are too.

Follow Pernille Haaland:

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

third time uploading this one

Wed, 15 Oct 2025 12:51:43 GMT

So, apologies, this one had some technical issues. Hopefully yyou can all listen now xx

Follow Pernille Haaland:

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Haaland scores

Wed, 15 Oct 2025 12:49:15 GMT

In this episode, I cover everything — from the riots in Norway and the pro-Palestinian protests to Haaland doing what Haaland does best: scoring goals. Somewhere in between all that chaos, I’ve also started seeing someone (yes, it’s happening!).

I get into the whirlwind of dating someone new — that thrilling, nerve-wracking stage where you’re trying to play it cool while your brain is doing cartwheels. It’s all about finding that impossible balance between mystery and honesty.

Then it’s tour time. I take you with me through Bratislava, Vienna, and Budapest — the highs, the weird audience moments, the travel madness, and, of course, the ongoing tragedy of bad coffee. Luckily, Starbucks came through or I might not have survived.

And finally, I get real about standing up for what you believe in. Because honestly, the world doesn’t need more basic, fence-sitting energy — it needs people who actually care.

It’s chaotic, personal, caffeinated, and a total ramble — but that’s exactly how we like it. Enjoy!

Follow Pernille Haaland:

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Don´t do crypto or comedy in Saudi Arabia...

Wed, 01 Oct 2025 10:36:53 GMT

In this episode, I dive into the hypocrisy of our times — from the absurdity of doing stand-up comedy in Saudi Arabia (yes, that’s a thing) to the lack of backbone you see in overly homogenous societies where people just follow the herd. I make the case for staying true to yourself, having your own opinions, and speaking up even when it’s uncomfortable.

I also get personal: talking about recording for TV, the nerves of being on tour, and yes… the messy world of dating. I’m seeing two guys I’m not really interested in, but sometimes staying “in the game” matters more than finding the perfect match right away. It’s all about perseverance — in love, in art, and in life.

So buckle up: this one’s part rant, part confession, part pep talk.

Follow Pernille Haaland:

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

we are all autistic!

Wed, 24 Sep 2025 16:57:55 GMT

This week I actually accomplished something: I went back to the gym. Not that I’d quit, but I definitely wasn’t chasing those gains either — so yeah, small victory unlocked.

Meanwhile, a grenade went off in downtown Oslo (casual, right?), the internet is still screaming about Tylenol and autism (spoiler: we’re all autistic now, apparently), and I get into why outgrowing your friends in your 20s is not only normal — it’s necessary. If you’ve got the exact same crew at 30 that you did at 20, honestly… are you okay?

Zero science here, just vibes. Very Trump of me, but hey — I’m just keeping up with the times.

Enjoy the chaos.

Follow Pernille Haaland:

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Nato will save us, right?

Wed, 17 Sep 2025 09:11:00 GMT

So today in episode four, I talk about life on tour. And, you know, nothing says ‘rock and roll’ quite like… an assassination attempt on Charlie Kirk. I cover that, then dive into NATO — because apparently Europe’s been left home alone. The US has basically kicked us out of the flat, like, ‘good luck paying rent, kids.’ So now it’s Europe: now or never. Spoiler: probably never.

Then, somehow, my TikTok goes viral and I get invited to a tech conference in Bergen. Nothing screams ‘thought leader’ like being flown out for a 30-second video about how broken Norway’s bureaucracy is. Honestly, Norwegian paperwork makes IKEA instructions look like haikus.

And of course, my love life: I was broken up with by a Dutch guy on Tinder after three messages. Three. I didn’t even know that was long enough to qualify as a relationship. The arrogance! Imagine ghosting me like I’m a parking ticket.

So yeah: assassination, NATO, bureaucracy, heartbreak — truly the European tour experience. Oh, and did I mention NATO? Yeah. NATO!

Follow Pernille Haaland:

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Loneliness vs lioness

Mon, 15 Sep 2025 13:30:57 GMT

This one’s a big one. I dive into the male loneliness epidemic and my own ongoing struggle with understanding men in general. How do you even begin to make sense of them? If you’ve got thoughts, I’d love to hear.

Also, side note: I’m convinced every woman should get free clothing from Uniqlo as we grow into our lioness phase. Honestly, we deserve it. The amount of WhatsApp groups we partake in as we support our sisters in relationships - we deserve a f*cking medal!

Follow Pernille Haaland:

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stockholm women turn me gay

Wed, 03 Sep 2025 10:44:23 GMT

In this one, I cover a little bit of everything: the rise of far-right politics in Norway, my trip to Stockholm (where, honestly, every woman looks like she walked out of a fashion campaign — it almost converted me), and my shows up north Norway.

Somewhere along the way, I spiral into an existential crisis about never quite fitting into Norwegian culture — and realizing that’s okay. I also gush about my dog, admit to being single and sober, and confess that I’ve become the unofficial therapist for all my married friends.

Basically, it’s politics, identity, comedy, and a love letter to single women everywhere.

Follow Pernille Haaland:

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Try to have more sex on your couch instead of being a fascist...

Wed, 27 Aug 2025 13:18:00 GMT

This week I launch my podcast which I can only assume is a bit like giving birth?! It is rough and dirty work, so I hope you appreciated my (dare I say) hard work.

In this weeks first episode I try not to shit my pants as I delve into my hatred of waxing, my love for having sex on a couch and then I rant about the far right. No one is any wiser, but we feel less alone if that makes sense?!

Thank you for listening, take care... Winter is coming...

Follow Pernille Haaland: