It's Not That Deep

Why do we want things to be pleasant?

Tue, 21 Apr 2026 03:00:00 GMT

In this, our 100th episode, we explore the very human tendency to desire pleasant experiences and the impact this wanting has on our well-being. It’s natural, of course, to delight in the pleasant, it only becomes a problem when we start to crave for things to be more pleasant and thereby end up increasing our own suffering.

We discuss the impact of trying to push away unpleasant feelings, and even diminishing our pleasant times by being sad that they will end! To offset this we delve into mindfulness, emotional regulation, and how acceptance of impermanence can lead to greater peace.

Takeaways

Wanting things to be pleasant can increase suffering when they are not

Mindfulness helps in noticing subtle mood shifts and choosing responses

Thoughts significantly influence feelings and can be challenged

Acceptance of impermanence allows for greater peace and enjoyment of the present

Small, neutral moments can be sources of steady happiness

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we hold on to a bad mood?

Tue, 07 Apr 2026 03:00:00 GMT

In this episode we explore why we hold onto bad moods. We discuss the psychological mechanisms behind it, and practical strategies to let go. We explore the role of thoughts, perceptions of injustice, and the importance of awareness and calming techniques.

Takeaways

Holding onto a bad mood often stems from perceived injustice or unfairness.

Our stress response system complicates quick emotional release.

Pattern recognition and confirmatory bias reinforce bad moods.

Awareness and mindfulness are key to recognizing and releasing bad moods.

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why are we obsessed with looking young?

Tue, 24 Mar 2026 04:00:00 GMT

In this episode, we explore the societal obsession with youth and beauty, and challenge the cultural narratives that equate ageing with loss and irrelevance. We discuss how perceptions of ageing influence women’s self-image, societal expectations, and the impacts of social media and media portrayal on how we view ourselves and others.

We explore the possibility of appreciating the experiences that come with age rather than dismissing them because they come wrapped in an older body.

Key Topics:

The societal pressure on women of a certain age to look young and the cultural obsession with reversing ageing

How ageing and appearance are perceived as signs of experience and wisdom versus signs of decline

The influence of social media and advertising in shaping beauty standards and age-related insecurities

The gendered differences in societal expectations around ageing, especially in relationships and partner selection

The rise of preventative Botox amongst young people to delay wrinkles

The societal narrative that values youth over experience, wisdom, and inner character

The impact of materialism and external possessions on perceived self-worth and attractiveness

The concept of growing old gracefully versus the desire to maintain a youthful exterior

The psychological effects of societal standards on self-esteem, self-worth, and ageing

The importance of redefining beauty and ageing to honour experience and wisdom over superficial standards

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we believe the stories over the evidence?

Tue, 10 Mar 2026 04:00:00 GMT

In this episode, we explore the reasons behind why individuals often believe negative stories about themselves rather than the evidence of their accomplishments.

We discuss the impact of societal constructs on self-perception, the dangers of comparison, and the importance of accepting both strengths and weaknesses. The chat emphasises the role of vulnerability in self-acceptance and the need to challenge negative self-talk.

Ultimately, we want to encourage listeners to find joy in imperfection and embrace new experiences without fear of failure. We can only grow if we allow the possibility of failing and the learning that comes from that.

Takeaways

We often believe negative stories about ourselves over evidence.

Societal standards are arbitrary and can distort self-perception.

Comparison to others can undermine our self-worth.

Accepting our strengths is as important as acknowledging our weaknesses.

Vulnerability is key to self-acceptance and growth.

Negative self-talk can sabotage our enjoyment of life.

We should challenge the stories we tell ourselves.

Evidence-based thinking can help us assess our abilities more accurately.

Finding joy in imperfection is essential for personal growth.

Embracing new experiences can lead to unexpected joy.

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why are we so focused on the end result?

Tue, 24 Feb 2026 04:00:00 GMT

In this episode, we explore how much enjoyment we miss if we are only focused on the end product. It is so important to focus on the process rather than the end result in various aspects of life as there is so much pleasure to be got from the journey! We discuss how mindfulness and engagement in activities can enhance enjoyment and fulfilment, emphasising the need to be present and savour each moment.

Our conversation also touches on the significance of experiential learning and the joy found in mundane experiences, ultimately advocating for a shift in perspective towards appreciating the journey of life.

Takeaways

We often rush through life, focusing on the end result.

Enjoying the process can lead to greater fulfilment.

Mindfulness enhances our engagement in activities.

Striving for perfection can detract from enjoyment.

Being present allows us to savour experiences.

Life's joy can be found in mundane moments.

Experiential learning is more valuable than outcomes.

Grief reflects the love we had for someone.

We should not define ourselves by our achievements.

Life happens in the present, not in future expectations.

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why don't we say what we mean?

Mon, 09 Feb 2026 18:07:24 GMT

In this episode, we delve into the complexities of communication, particularly focusing on why people often fail to express their true thoughts and feelings. We explore various reasons for this behaviour, such as the fear of upsetting others or the desire to be liked. Our conversation highlights the tension between honesty and kindness, emphasizing that while it’s important to be truthful, it’s equally crucial to consider the feelings of others. We discuss the challenges of navigating these conversations, especially in personal relationships, and the importance of finding a balance between being clear and being considerate.

We also touch on the concept of 'mind reading' in relationships, where individuals expect their partners or friends to understand their feelings without explicit communication. we stress the significance of clarity in communication and the need for practice in having difficult conversations. As usual, we conclude with practical advice on how to approach these discussions, including the importance of timing and the potential benefits of being honest while remaining kind.

Takeaways

We often avoid saying what we mean due to fear of upsetting others.

Finding a balance between honesty and kindness is crucial.

Mind reading in relationships can lead to misunderstandings.

Clear communication can prevent unnecessary conflict.

Practicing assertiveness in small matters can build confidence for bigger conversations.

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we see things as black or white?

Tue, 27 Jan 2026 04:00:00 GMT

In this episode, we explore the tendency we all have to perceive situations in black and white terms, often overlooking the nuanced middle ground. This is a natural process, our brains are hard-wired to keep us safe and a part of that is to categorise things as safe or unsafe. We discuss how this thinking can lead to unrealistic expectations, particularly in relationships and personal experiences, and how we can work to pull ourselves back to the messy middle.

Our conversation emphasises the importance of emotional regulation, effective communication, and the need to lower expectations to find balance, ease and happiness in life.

Takeaways

We have a tendency to see things in extremes.

Our brains categorise experiences to keep us safe.

Judgment stems from a need for survival.

Catastrophising can ruin otherwise good days.

Expectations can lead to disappointment during holidays.

Communication is key in relationships.

Self-care is not selfish; it's necessary.

Emotional regulation helps in avoiding black and white thinking.

Finding the middle ground is essential for happiness.

Lowering expectations can lead to greater satisfaction.

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why don't we feel like a grown up?

Tue, 13 Jan 2026 04:00:00 GMT

In this episode, we explore the complexities of feeling grown up, whether we feel different than we did when we were younger, the impact of our inner child, and the cultural perceptions of ageing, particularly for women.

We discuss the challenges of defining ourselves beyond societal labels, the responsibilities of adulthood, and the generational differences in perceptions of growing up. We also emphasise the importance of embracing eccentricities and finding joy in ageing while navigating the messinesses of grown-up life.

Takeaways

Many people feel they haven't changed much since their twenties.

The inner child often feels neglected in adulthood.

Cultural expectations can pressure women regarding ageing.

Ageing is often associated with loss of freedom and increased responsibility.

Generational differences affect perceptions of adulthood.

Maintaining friendships across generations can help to blur age boundaries.

Embracing eccentricities can lead to a more fulfilling life.

Defining oneself beyond societal roles is challenging but necessary.

The fear of ageing often stems from societal pressures.

Finding joy in ageing requires a shift in perspective.

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we think we know best?

Tue, 30 Dec 2025 04:00:00 GMT

In this conversation, we explore the theme of why we often believe our way of thinking is superior to others'. We discuss everyday examples of perceived efficiency, the comfort of familiarity, and the challenges of accepting different perspectives.

We are always changing, evolving our beliefs, thoughts and the way in which we do things and engage with the world and other people. And can we allow that we therefore might change our minds completely on something, and can that be okay.

This conversation emphasises the importance of flexibility in our beliefs and the value of learning from others, especially younger generations. We also touch on the role of science in shaping our opinions and the necessity of being open to new information.

Takeaways:

We often believe our way is the best way.

Everyday examples highlight our perceptions of efficiency.

Understanding different perspectives can enhance relationships.

Familiarity provides comfort but can hinder growth.

Change can be uncomfortable but is necessary for learning.

Flexibility in beliefs allows for personal growth.

Younger generations can teach us valuable lessons.

Science evolves, and so should our beliefs.

Being open and curious fosters better communication.

Navigating relationships requires understanding and acceptance.

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we find it easier to help others rather than ourselves?

Tue, 16 Dec 2025 04:00:00 GMT

In this episode we explored why it seems so much easier to find a solution to other peoples problems that it is our own. We discuss the importance of self-compassion and mindfulness and getting a bigger picture perspective, particularly in challenging situations. We reflected on the tendency we have to hold ourselves to a much higher standard than we do for others, that we are less likely to show ourselves understanding and compassion.

We emphasised the need to reflect on the advice we would give to others, particularly those we love, and apply it to ourselves. We talked about giving ourselves a moment of stillness and presence rather than seeking immediate solutions. Trust that self-support and solutions will emerge from a soothed system, rather than the hard time we give ourselves when we are in fight or flight mode!

Takeaways

Can we think about what advice would we give to others we care about?

Can we apply that advice to ourselves.

In difficult times, we often need compassion, not solutions.

Taking a moment to breathe can be beneficial.

Mindfulness helps us to just be in the moment.

It's important to reflect on our feelings.

We often bombard ourselves with solutions when we need support.

Self-compassion is crucial during tough times.

Being present can help alleviate stress.

We should treat ourselves with the same kindness we offer others.

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we view some emotions as negative?

Tue, 02 Dec 2025 04:00:00 GMT

In this episode we explore why we view some emotions as negative. It is natural to categorise our feelings as good or bad; wrong or right. The negative ones we experience feel unpleasant and so we have a tendency to push them away.

We consider the importance of facing these emotions and starting to see them as unpleasant rather than bad or negative. All our feelings are data or information about our current state, so it can be helpful to develop a curiosity about them and what they are telling us about ourselves. We emphasise the need to manage difficult emotions rather than suppressing them, highlighting the impact of avoidance on mental health.

Takeaways:

When faced with unpleasant emotions, we often seek distractions.
Substance abuse and busyness can be unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Avoiding difficult emotions can lead to negative consequences.
It's important to face and manage our emotions directly.
Suppressing feelings can result in them resurfacing later.
Healthy emotional management is crucial for mental well-being.
Understanding our emotional responses can lead to better coping strategies.
Emotional tolerance is a skill that can be developed.
Facing emotions can lead to personal growth and resilience.
Support systems can aid in managing difficult feelings.

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we replay the past?

Tue, 18 Nov 2025 04:00:00 GMT

In this episode, we explore the reasons behind why individuals replay past events and the patterns of behaviour that emerge from these experiences. We discuss the impact of fixed identities, sedimented beliefs, the weight of regret and shame, and the importance of self-compassion in navigating these feelings.

The conversation emphasises the need for understanding our decision-making processes and the illusion of right choices, while also highlighting the significance of seeking help and support when feeling overwhelmed.

We hope that this discussion provides insights into breaking the cycle of overthinking and fostering personal growth.

Takeaways

We often replay the past due to ingrained patterns of behaviour.

Fixed identities can limit our perception of choices.

Shame and regret can lead to self-torture in our thoughts.

Decisions made in the past were based on available evidence at the time.

Self-compassion is crucial for personal growth and healing.

Thoughts are not facts; they can be observed and challenged.

Seeking help is not a weakness but a necessary step for recovery.

We take our existing patterns with us into new situations.

It's important to learn from the past without harsh judgment.

Acceptance of where we are now is the first step to change.

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why don't we invest in friendships as much as we could?

Tue, 04 Nov 2025 04:00:00 GMT

In this episode, we explore the importance of investing in friendships, the challenges of nurturing them as life changes, and the vital role of communication and vulnerability in maintaining connections. It can be easy to let connections slide as life gets busy, however we often regret the loss of friendships when this happens.

We emphasise the need for balance between self-care and social engagement, highlighting how meaningful relationships contribute to our overall well-being and sense of purpose. If we don’t value ourselves we can feel that others won’t mind, or even notice, if we don’t see them. And this can mean that relationships slide away without us necessarily meaning to let them do so.

It takes work to keep up with friendships especially as we get older, however the benefits are so valuable for us. Sometimes self-care means pushing ourselves to do something that feels effortful but will be meaningful for us.

Takeaways

Friendships often take a backseat as life gets busier.

Long-term friendships require ongoing nurturing to thrive.

Life changes can impact the time and energy we invest in friendships.

Communication is key to maintaining connections, especially during tough times.

Self-worth can affect how we engage in friendships.

Balancing self-care with social connections is crucial.

Creating meaning in life often comes from our relationships with others.

Community support is essential for mental well-being.

Modern connections may differ but are still valuable.

Acts of kindness can create a virtuous cycle of connection.

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we feel guilty for stopping?

Tue, 21 Oct 2025 03:00:00 GMT

In this episode, we explore the guilt we feel when taking breaks, and the cultural obsession with busyness. We discuss how modern technology and societal expectations have blurred the lines between work and personal time, leading to a constant state of doing.

We discuss the importance of recognising the need for rest, nourishing activities, and the impact of these on mental health and productivity.

We also touch on the privilege of being able to choose when to stop and the necessity of finding balance in life. We note how, even if we are unable to take long breaks it is necessary to stop, even briefly, to breathe and notice this moment.

Takeaways:

We often feel guilty for taking breaks, which can lead to burnout.
Cultural norms have created a badge of honour around busyness.
Rest is essential for mental health and productivity.
We need to learn how to be present and enjoy non-doing activities.
The pressure to be constantly productive is exacerbated by technology.
Recognising the need for rest can improve overall effectiveness.
It's important to challenge the stories we tell ourselves about work and rest.
Taking time for ourselves is not a luxury, but a necessity.
Mindfulness can help us reconnect with the present moment.
Life is happening now, not in the future when we are less busy.

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why don't we ever feel ready?

Tue, 07 Oct 2025 03:00:00 GMT

In this episode, we delve into what it really means to feel ‘ready’. We talk about our own experiences of not being ready to act, and what was holding us back. We explore how things like perfectionism, nerves and putting things off can hold us back, and why waiting for the ‘perfect moment’ often just keeps us stuck.

Along the way, we touch on relationships, decision-making, and why it helps to explore, and get comfortable with, a bit of uncertainty. Readiness isn’t something you wait for - it’s something you do, with courage and self-awareness

takeaways

We can prevent ourselves from doing things because we don't feel ready.
Perfectionism can create barriers to taking action.
Anxiety can amplify feelings of unpreparedness.
The need for everything to be perfect can hinder progress.
Procrastination is often linked to fear of failure.
There is no such thing as perfect conditions for starting something new.
Waiting for the right time can lead to missed opportunities.
Tolerating discomfort is essential for growth and action.
Clarity in our intentions can help us move forward.
Taking action is more important than waiting to feel ready.

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we feel the need to fix ourselves?

Tue, 23 Sep 2025 03:00:00 GMT

In this episode we discuss that there are two types of ‘fixing’. There’s the wanting to fix ourselves because we believe we are ‘broken’ or ‘damaged’ and the wanting to change the way in which we meet a particular situation in order to manage ourselves in a more helpful manner.

If we can move away from the idea that we need to be fixed, and turn more to the idea that other ways of engaging with our world might be more supportive – that a behaviour or attitude might benefit from being fixed – then we just might find more peace in our life.

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we feel responsible for other people's feelings?

Tue, 09 Sep 2025 03:00:00 GMT

In this episode we discuss feeling responsible for other people's feelings. Often that means that we can find it hard to stick to our boundaries because we don’t want to upset other people. This can then lead us to feeling that our needs don’t count and we can become frustrated, sad or even angry.

Of course we don’t like to upset others, however we are all responsible for how we respond to situations. It is possible to take accountability for our own actions, but not how others respond to those actions. And this is important though difficult to remember this when we are faced with the distress of others.

Generally it’s not an either/or choice, it is possible to take care of our own feelings and the feelings of others.

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we feel the need for labels?

Tue, 26 Aug 2025 06:09:22 GMT

In this episode we discuss the pros and cons of having labels. They can help us to understand ourselves, and to find people who are like us. They can also separate us from others, lead us to judge and be judged for our opinions.

This episode became something we weren’t expecting! We ended up debating the consequences of aligning ourselves too closely to our opinions, the labels we use to describe ourselves and the dangers of not allowing ourselves to have a genuine curiosity about the reasons we, and others identify with the labels they pick for themselves.

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we avoid conflict?

Tue, 12 Aug 2025 03:00:00 GMT

In this episode we explore some of the reasons we might avoid conflict; for example, childhood experiences or relationship issues. We also explore the feelings that might come when thinking about disagreeing with someone, a fear of not being liked, a lack of safety, anxiety, a fear of feeling under attack for our opinions.

We also share our personal experiences; one of us was conflict-avoidant and one moved towards conflict when a sense of injustice was present. We have moved closer together in the ways we manage differences of opinion and conflict and we reflect on those.

We suggest ways of moving towards being able to hear and state differences of opinion with others without it feeling catastrophic.

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we get FOMO?

Tue, 29 Jul 2025 03:00:00 GMT

This episode was all about the fear of missing out. We explored the very human desire to be a part of everything, do everything and be fully involved with everything!

We discussed how we can explore our feelings about being not part of something, to make sense of them in the current context, and to be aware of any old patterns that might be impacting on our experience of this current FOMO. We leaned on our familiar questions – is how I’m interpreting this true? And is it about me?

We explore how we might let go of the stories we are telling ourself and meet the situation in a way that supports us, rather than makes us feel bad.

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we want to be in control?

Tue, 15 Jul 2025 03:00:00 GMT

Feeling in control is a way of feeling safe, and lowering our anxiety. In this episode we discuss how actually very little is within our control, and how to be OK with that!

We talked widely about how, in the end, often the only thing we have any control over is ourselves and how we respond to situations. And how liberating it can be to be able to say ‘oh well, stuff happens’ when things don’t turn out as we might have liked!

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we find it hard to make decisions?

Tue, 01 Jul 2025 03:00:00 GMT

In this episode, we discuss why we can find it hard to make a decision, whether that’s a small decision (which outfit to wear maybe!) or a much larger one (whether to change jobs, or leave a relationship perhaps).

We can become stuck trying to work out which is the right option to choose, when often it’s not that one is right and one is wrong, but that both have advantages and disadvantages.

We discuss how to put the fear to one side and really hear which option feels right for us in that moment, which one our gut would choose. As ever, we share our personal experiences hoping that others can relate!

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we need to be kind to ourselves?

Tue, 17 Jun 2025 11:55:09 GMT

In this episode we discuss how we are often really good at being kind to others, but don’t seem to think that we deserve to receive kindness from ourselves. However, MRI studies have shown that the areas in the brain that are activated when we are bullied also fire when we are unpleasant to ourselves. This triggers a stress response and all the consequences that brings!

It can feel like an either/or choice – either we are kind to others or to ourself. However it is possible to do both, to include ourselves in the beam of kindness we are showing to the world.

We discuss how we can be kinder to ourselves, and suggest that a way to start can be to ask ourselves, what would I say to a close friend if they felt like I do? And then try to be that friend to ourself.

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we leave things to the last minute?

Tue, 03 Jun 2025 03:00:00 GMT

In this episode we explore some of the reasons we might leave things to the last minute; procrastinating, having too many things to do, and feeling overwhelmed.

We discussed some strategies to make life more ease-full, ways in which we can take back some control and feel more in control. Counter-intuitively these do include slowing down! And also prioritising self-care; as we often say, it’s not the things, it’s the way in which we meet the things. That is where we have some control!

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we find it hard to stay motivated?

Tue, 20 May 2025 03:00:00 GMT

In this episode we discuss what gets in the way of being motivated. Our inner critic can mean that we let our perfectionism get in the way of starting, or finishing something! We could be overwhelmed or burnt out rather than unmotivated. And sometimes the task might simply be something we don’t want to do.

We discuss strategies to deal with uncovering exactly what is getting in our way, so that we can work out how to manage the current situation with self-compassion. Both of us like to utilise the idea of what how my future-self feel – even future-me in a couple of hours’ time. She will probably be delighted that I stayed on-task!

Please find the link to Lucy's free mini course here: https://mindfulness.presenceofmind.life/pl/2148451850

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we think healing has a deadline?

Tue, 06 May 2025 03:00:00 GMT

In this episode we explore why we feel we should put a time limit on feeling better, whether that’s after a bereavement, an illness, or the benefit we think we should experience from a holiday.

We discuss the impact of striving to be ‘fixed’ or ‘better’, rather than living with how things are right here, right now. We explore the idea that acceptance of how things really are can lead to us making the changes that we really need, not a knee-jerk reaction to the discomfort of the present.

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why are we always in a rush?

Tue, 22 Apr 2025 03:00:00 GMT

In this episode, we discuss our personal experiences of rushing, how that feels in our bodies (not pleasant!) and the consequences of always being in a rush – being clumsy, dropping things, forgetting what we are doing, all that stuff!

It’s not all or nothing, sometimes ‘drive mode’ is very much where we need to be, rather than in ‘rest and digest' or 'soothing' mode. So really noticing when each system is activated, when they are helpful, and when we could mindfully and carefully do one thing at a time is really helpful.

We explore the benefits of noticing how rushing feels in our bodies, and how that can give us some control over the choices that we are making.

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we look to social media for validation?

Tue, 08 Apr 2025 03:00:00 GMT

In this episode we explore looking for validation on social media. Social media is not either ‘good’ or ‘bad’, – it really depends on how we use it.

It can be hard to find people who are like us in our social circle sometimes; particularly if we have a neurodivergence, or a rather niche hobby. That’s where social media can be super helpful – it’s a great way to connect with people who share similar experiences or interests. But, like anything, there are some downsides too. It's important to be mindful of how much we share about our personal lives and emotions, especially in public spaces, for our own safety and peace of mind.

If we feel isolated it is easy to reach out to an on-line community, which may well say something about our in-real-life connections. Building those deeper, in-person relationships can take a lot more time and effort, but they’re super important, too.

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted via their websites

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we fear the worst?

Tue, 25 Mar 2025 00:04:00 GMT

As humans, we’ve got this amazing ability to imagine the future and reflect on the past, but honestly, it doesn’t always work in our favour! We can easily spiral into thinking about all the worst-case scenarios, and before we know it, our bodies are reacting as if those things are actually happening right now.

A lot of the time, these "what-if" scenarios are shaped by past experiences, or even things we’ve seen in movies, read in books, or heard from other people. As usual, we share our own experiences of fearing the worst, and also times when difficult things have happened!

In this episode, we dive into some strategies to help calm our nervous system, so we can think more clearly and see things as they really are, instead of getting stuck in a worst-case scenario spiral.

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted via their websites

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why don't we like endings?

Tue, 11 Mar 2025 04:00:00 GMT

In this episode we discuss why we don't like endings and yet life’s full of endings. Whether it’s moving to a new place, switching jobs, or something much heavier like the end of a relationship or losing someone close to us. And yet, it feels like we’re not always great at dealing with them. We tend to push those feelings aside or beat ourselves up for feeling upset when it seems like everyone else is handling things better.

But what if we let ourselves truly feel what we're feeling? What if we gave ourselves the time and space to accept those emotions instead of trying to push them away? Until we do that, it’s tough to process what we’re losing and figure out where we’re headed. It’s totally okay to grieve an ending, no matter how big or small the change might be.

Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted via their websites

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we sweat the small stuff?

Tue, 25 Feb 2025 04:00:00 GMT

We've both discovered how therapy and mindfulness have been incredibly helpful for managing stress and anxiety. In fact, they've been so impactful that they became the foundation of the work we do today! In the past, we were experts at turning small setbacks into big worries, a habit many of us can relate to! It's easy to get overwhelmed by the little things sometimes.

In this episode we discuss the neurological underpinnings of this most natural of processes, and talk about ways of bringing calm and steadiness to ourselves. Along the way, we use lots of metaphors, as we both find them super helpful for understanding these concepts. We also talk about the importance of showing ourselves the same kindness we would offer to others.

Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we have such high expectations of ourselves?

Tue, 11 Feb 2025 04:00:00 GMT

This was a really interesting discussion about why we set ourselves unrealistic expectations. We explored the impact of social media, advertising, and cultural beliefs about what we need to do or be to be accepted. This can feed a belief that we are not good enough without being ‘perfect’ and of course we can’t live up to the expectations of being perfect.

We discussed how we might instead treat ourselves with kindness and perhaps base our expectations of ourselves on our core values rather than externally-imposed beliefs about what we should look like or achieve.

Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we need to rescue others?

Tue, 28 Jan 2025 04:00:00 GMT

In this episode we agreed that we both share the desire to save others from distress or upset. It’s a very human quality but can lead to feelings of overwhelm, or of being taken for granted. It also means that, rather than teaching someone how to solve things for themselves, we inadvertently create an inability to manage their own situation in the other person.

Within relationships rescuing may be seen as an expression of a fear that the other person will leave us if we don’t provide help and support. And parents want to protect their children from any hurt or upset, so try and smooth their path through life. However, making mistakes is one of the most effective ways we have of learning.

We discussed how boundaries can be really helpful – teaching others how to treat us and teaching us how to respect ourselves.

Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why don't we practise what we preach?

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 07:45:57 GMT

This episode is a very personal one. We discuss why, at times, we aren’t able to support ourselves in the ways we would suggest for our clients. We explore what happens when our emotional resources are low, and the ‘inner critic’ is loud in our head, which tries to get us to think we aren't worth the effort.

If we can take a step back, zoom out, and put a metaphorical arm around our shoulders, treat ourselves as we would treat a friend then we can start to use the techniques that make up our parachutes. Perhaps the most important tool in our box being the act of self-compassion. We are only human after all.

Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we find it hard to forgive ourselves?

Tue, 31 Dec 2024 04:00:22 GMT

In this episode we discuss how difficult it can be to let go of something we regret like and forgive ourselves for it. We often set ourselves standards that are impossible to live up to; and that we have a tendency to dwell on mistakes, which leads to a sense of guilt and shame.

It is also hard and extremely uncomfortable to process our mistakes; to make sense of them and find the learning. So we lean into self-blame and criticism instead which might stem from the brain trying to find a solution.

The more helpful way, though, is to find the learning, to see mistakes as a chance for change and growth. And to do that, we need to be able to look at the situation and in a kindly way explore what happened and why. How would we respond if a friend had made a mistake, most likely not in the way we generally treat ourselves!

Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we get anxious?

Tue, 17 Dec 2024 04:00:47 GMT

It’s a surprise (to us at least!) that we haven’t covered this topic before now. Anxiety has come up in lots of our podcasts, but this is the first time it’s been the main subject of one.

In this episode we discuss the evolutionary need for anxiety, and how we experience it now, in our modern (challenging!) world. We talk about top-down and bottom-up ways of managing it and how we can learn to recognise the signs in our body that we are getting anxious. We explore strategies that can support us when we do start to get anxious so that we are not ruled by it.

Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why don't we feel "normal"?

Tue, 03 Dec 2024 04:00:24 GMT

In this episode we explore the sense we may have about not fitting in, not being like everyone else. We do, though, tend to judge ourselves on how we feel, and others on how they seem to be behaving, and those two things are not the same.

We touch on people getting a diagnosis of a neurodivergence, and how that can help to explain why we don’t feel ‘normal’.

No-one can be completely average, therefore we all ‘deviate’ from some perceived "ideal". And can we be OK with that? After all, the variations between us are natural and all part of being human.

Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why don't we like losing?

Tue, 19 Nov 2024 04:00:41 GMT

This is another wide-ranging discussion, where this time we touch on some of the neuroscience behind why it feels to bad to lose; as well as exploring a range of situations that we might see as ‘losing’.

We talk about playing games or sports (Jimmy Conners, the tennis ace once said that he hated losing more than he loved winning!) as well as the losing we experience if the team we support loses, or even if the political party we support doesn’t win in an election.

We explore the sense of defining ourselves by our wins or loses, or those we support. And we discuss the possibility of unhooking ourselves from association, to experience success and loss as simply part of living, not something that says anything very important about us.

Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do I need approval?

Tue, 05 Nov 2024 04:00:14 GMT

In this wide-ranging conversation, we explored where our need for approval might come from and discovered that it has a different start-point for each of us. And that will most likely be true for those listening too. The point is that it leaves us unsure of our own opinions, and creates a desire to check out what others think.

Sometimes that’s helpful of course, when seeking advice, someone else might have knowledge that would be useful for us when making a decision. The issue comes when we can’t make a decision for ourselves without being swayed by the views of those around us.

We discuss how we might trust our gut more; rely on our own values, beliefs, and needs and trust that our choice is the right one. Sometimes there is not a single right answer, just what’s right, right now, for me.

Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why don't I know who I really am?

Tue, 22 Oct 2024 03:00:18 GMT

In this episode we discuss whether there is really a fixed ‘me’, a single authentic self. We are all slightly different in different situations, so what does that mean?

We explore the idea that all the versions of us are actually simply different parts of us coming to the fore, being most prominent or in charge; what Adrienne describes as which part of her is driving the bus!

One of the few certainties in life is that there is constant change, and we talked about this meaning that, even though we grow, change, and develop throughout our lives, we can still simply be ourself in that moment.

Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we stress over small things?

Tue, 08 Oct 2024 03:00:27 GMT

In this episode we discuss why it is that sometimes we get stressed over things that feel quite small, and we talk about what else might be going on – how much capacity we have for one more irritation.

We discuss strategies to reframe the situations over which we have no control and how we might grow our bucket of coping so that things do not overwhelm us. The practice is to see small moments of irritation (being stuck in a queue, noise over which we have no control, etc) as opportunities for practice!

The ‘small wins’ can help us to build resilience and be able to access our coping techniques with the bigger things in our lives.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we find it hard to keep focused?

Tue, 24 Sep 2024 03:00:00 GMT

In this episode, we touch on the evolutionary benefits of having our attention pulled away to new things, and how that does not always work to our advantage in the modern world! With so much noise and distraction in day to day life we need strategies to stay focused which benefit us and ultimately those we interact with.

We have a wide-ranging conversation about our personal experiences, and those of our clients. We discuss strategies on how to stay focused, and how to manage the discomfort that a scattered mind and lack of focus creates.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we confuse assertiveness with aggression?

Tue, 10 Sep 2024 03:00:29 GMT

In this episode, we explore that assertiveness isn't necessarily a natural human state and we discuss this topic from our personal perspectives. In the past, Adrienne experienced expressing a contrary view with someone as conflict. She was unable to see a difference between asking clearly for her needs to be taken into account, and being aggressive.

Lucy, on the other hand, has experienced others mistaking her enthusiasm for aggression. We had a really interesting conversation about these differing experiences, and about how remaining calm and mindful has helped us both express our opinions in a way that others can hear.

You can find us at:

email: info@adriennekirk.uk or website: adriennekirk.uk

email: lucy@presenceofmind.life or website: presenceofmind.life

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why don't we like surprises?

Tue, 27 Aug 2024 12:11:09 GMT

In this episode we discuss our own responses to surprises and explore what’s behind our dislike of them. We wonder if there’s an aspect of control in our reactions, where we have a little more control, we are more open to surprises, and when we don’t have any control, we find surprises more difficult. We also explore how disappointing surprises can be if we had an idea in mind for how it was "supposed to be"!

We muse on the impact of wishful thinking when we know something about the surprise, and the consequence of the adrenaline hit when we don’t! As ever, there is some evolutionary impact and we also discuss being open to viewing a surprise with ‘beginner’s mind’, and a sense of openness and curiosity. Thus changing our relationship with it.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we need to connect with nature?

Tue, 13 Aug 2024 03:00:21 GMT

We have a guest with us to discuss this topic – Becky Loto. Affectionally known as “Bossy Becky”, Becky loves bringing out the brilliance in entrepreneurs and business leaders, by inspiring them to have the confidence to change & creating a calm where before there was stress and overwhelm.

Becky is a Certified Executive Business Consultant & Strategist, ILM Level 5 Certified Business Coach & Mentor, Property Investor, Networking Host, mum to a teenage daughter, wife to an Argentinian BBQ king and an Ocean Lover.

Becky talks about Blue Therapy and Adrienne offers Green Therapy to her clients, Lucy and Becky share a love of water, and we all like a good walk – this was a lovely meeting of minds about the benefits of being in nature!

Becky can be found here:

http://linkedin.com/in/rebecca-loto-4a381883

https://www.instagram.com/beckylotostrategist

https://www.facebook.com/becky.loto

https://www.tidesbusiness.com/about2

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we get so overwhelmed?

Tue, 30 Jul 2024 03:00:46 GMT

In this episode, we discuss why it is that sometimes we get overwhelmed, and sometimes we don’t! We explore these differences, and realise that it depends on what else is going on in our lives. We draw on our own experiences, talk about how we might recognise when we are beginning to feel overwhelmed, and we give some tips on self-care to help to avoid overwhelm and look after ourselves.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we fear failure?

Tue, 16 Jul 2024 03:00:10 GMT

We were delighted to welcome Henri Ghijben as a guest for this episode. Henri talks about the concept of ‘failing forward’ and we explored the idea that failure is only negative if we don’t learn from it. Henri realised this when he faced losing his home, business and possibly even his family, and this has had a major impact on how he runs his business, and his life.

This was an inspiring conversation for us, and we hope that it will also inspire others to embrace the benefits of failing!

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why don't we feel good enough?

Tue, 02 Jul 2024 03:00:20 GMT

In this episode we discuss what we mean by ‘good enough’ (which is not just barely adequate!) and how we can be OK with doing the best we can with our available resources. This is a topic that comes up a great deal for both of us in our work, and for ourselves. We share our own experiences of when we have felt not good enough and how we work at being able to zoom out and see the bigger picture. And how we work at showing ourselves some compassion.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why don't we connect our mental health with hormonal health?

Tue, 18 Jun 2024 03:00:07 GMT

In this episode we have the lovely Amy Viola as our guest as we discuss the impact our hormones can have on our life, and the lives of those around us.

Amy is a clinical hypnotherapist, mindset coach and PMD empowerment mentor helping high achievers slow down, find balance and align with their true purpose, desires and needs. She also has a special interest in premenstrual disorders such as PMDD and PME and she helps women all over the world empower themselves to take more control over the relationship they have with their symptoms and cycle rather than their symptoms taking control of them.

Amy can be found here:

website: www.amyviola.co.uk

Instagram: @amyviola.hypnocoach & @pmdbalancemovement

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we see self-care as a luxury?

Tue, 04 Jun 2024 03:00:33 GMT

In this episode, we discuss what we mean by self-care, and how that differs from the nice, fluffy candles and baths stuff (which is also lovely!). When we talk about self-care we are talking about listening to our body, putting our anxiety and overwhelm to one side (gently!) and go and do something that will be nourishing for us.

The work is in working out whether what would be helpful is to push ourselves out, or to chuck the duvet over our head! If we can get out of our heads and into our bodies, we know which we need, on a system-level, rather than in a head-trying-to-keep-us-safe way. And we share our own experiences of this tussle!

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why don't we move more

Tue, 21 May 2024 08:18:27 GMT

In this episode Lucy and Adrienne are delighted to welcome their first guest, Sarah Bolitho. Sarah helps people create active lives by providing information, inspiration and ideas that are enjoyable, and effective, and don't involve the gym! With over 30 years in the health-related fitness field, she has worked with a range of clients including people living with long-term conditions, disabilities and mental health issues, and those recovering from treatment for cancer.

She has helped design qualifications for fitness and health professionals and works with organisations committed to getting people more active and making activity inclusive and accessible.

Sarah shows people how they can improve their health by including activity in their daily life starting where they are and finding what they enjoy.

Follow Sarah's podcast, Creating Active Lives, and she can be contacted at admin@sarahbolitho.com.

Sarah's socials:

podcast: https://www.creatingactivelives.buzzsprout.com

FB: https://www.facebook.com/sarahlouisebolitho

Linkedin: https:www.linkedin.com/sarahbolitho/

IG: https://www.instagram.com/fabnewlous_active_lives

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do others seem to know how to do life?

Tue, 07 May 2024 03:00:27 GMT

In this episode we discuss the feeling we all have sometimes of not really knowing how to be a ‘grown-up’, and the sense we have that other people don’t have that struggle. But we all do at times! How to be a parent, an employee, a human. Our brains like to make sense of the world, so we tend to think there is a ‘right way’ to do life and yet there isn’t. All we can do is the best we can with our available resources – physical, mental, psychological. And the work is to accept that is good enough!

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we stay in contact with people who make us feel bad?

Tue, 23 Apr 2024 03:00:02 GMT

Some people, (like us two!), are quite risk averse, but we are drawn to people who look like they are having more fun than us. If we want to be seen as fun, or popular, not to miss out then we can find ourselves doing things that we don’t feel comfortable with. If we aren’t aligned with our values then that really feels uncomfortable.

We can also find ourselves staying in contact with family members who are not good for us, who may be abusive. There can be lots of societal pressure on what it means to be a family, and that can make it really hard to put in boundaries that can support us.

The start point here might be to ‘zoom out’, to get some perspective on the impact of this relationship. This can help us to feel a sense of control, to be able to act in a way that is congruent with our needs, values and beliefs.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we never feel satisfied?

Tue, 09 Apr 2024 03:00:18 GMT

In this episode we explore that satisfaction is more about being content rather than trying to be happy all the time. As humans it’s hard for us to be OK with that – we seek out and crave the highs. Lots of what we learn from the world is that we ‘deserve’ a happily ever after’, however life is made up of all kinds of moments and ultimately ends for all of us with death! Often we have little control over how our life is, this is just how it is right now, and the work is to be OK, satisfied, with that. The things we think will satisfy us are usually external – shopping/drugs/food/etc. and these things are fleetingly pleasant at best. We discuss that satisfaction has to come from within, and how we can develop the skill of paying attention to the small things to support a feeling of satisfaction.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do I feel like I am going to get in trouble?

Tue, 26 Mar 2024 04:00:52 GMT

In this episode we discuss how we can sometimes have a sense that we are about to be in trouble, without even knowing why. This can come from different sorts of parenting/authority figures and is a mechanism to keep us safe, it’s just a maladaptive one, and seems to come from a sense of loss of control. We are primed to get into a fluster, and then our inner critic can kick in and we start to catastrophise.

We discuss ways of managing this like noticing the sensations that arise in those moments (which is easier said than done) and then to ask ourselves whether it is true or not. ‘It’s probably ok, it usually is’ has become a bit of a mantra for us both, and something we share with our clients.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why don't we see ourselves as others see us?

Tue, 12 Mar 2024 04:00:12 GMT

In this episode we explore that others don't view us the way we see ourselves. The fact that we change over time is one of life’s great certainties, so family may have a very different view of us than friends do, and older friends a different version to the friends we have met more recently. We show different parts of ourselves to different people in different situations and yet all those parts are parts of us.

This conversation got a little existential – is there even a ‘real me’?! We discussed the idea that we amplify different aspects of ourselves with different people, in different times. And even with ourself when we are on our own. It can really support us to know that we are ever-changing, that everything is in flux, that there are different parts to us that show up in different amounts in different situations. And that’s OK, as long as we are true to our values!

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we need boundaries?

Tue, 27 Feb 2024 04:00:22 GMT

In this episode we discuss how boundaries, rather than putting up walls between us, are in fact about connecting us to others. They are also needed for taking care of ourselves and teaching others how to treat us. There are several different sorts of boundaries and we explore what these are and how they might show up. We talk about how we can use these ideas to take a step back, not to retaliate and to consider whether this is a ‘me thing’ or a ‘them thing’!

We also compare how we use the idea of boundaries in our respective client-work, and indeed in our own lives!

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we repeat mistakes?

Tue, 13 Feb 2024 04:00:31 GMT

In this episode we explore the tendency we have as humans to repeat mistakes. We often define ourselves through our behaviours – “This is what I always do...”, “I’m the sort of person who ...” and that can make it seem like we had no choice in those situations. For example, in relationships we can think it’s meant to be exciting – dating ‘bad boys’ rather than someone kind, reliable, or considerate.

We regularly do this when we are younger, and we discuss how this can become problematic if this continues to be our pattern into adulthood and old age.

Changing takes practice, it involves noticing when we are pulled into our old patterns, and stepping back from doing that. Believing we can change is hard – can I notice the behaviours and believe I CAN change? It’s a great feeling when we do!

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we save things for best?

Tue, 30 Jan 2024 04:00:00 GMT

In this episode we discuss why we think we need to save things to use only for ‘good enough’ times. We explore the idea that we are denying ourselves the opportunity to wear or use our ‘best’ things, when we could use them whenever we want!

There’s a cultural norm about ‘keeping things for best’, which we maybe don’t really examine. We just do it because it’s what you do. What exactly are we saving things for – can today be a good enough occasion? And we do it with other things too – “when I retire I will ...”, but tomorrow is not guaranteed so perhaps we could do the things that bring us joy now.

Can we hold things more lightly, use them more frequently and ‘just’ for ourselves? Maybe set an intention to use and enjoy the things we currently save for best. We are worth it!!

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why don't we stick to our goals?

Tue, 16 Jan 2024 04:00:49 GMT

We generally like to set goals, to have a list and then tick things off. In this episode we discuss that there is however, a difference between tasks that can be completed (work/shopping/diy/etc.) and the goals that we generally set ourselves – things like ‘getting fit’, losing weight, being ‘happy’ etc. These tend to be punitive and unattainable, or at least unsustainable goals.

Not only are they unattainable, they also tend to be things we don’t want to do – so why do we do them?! A New Year is a time of reflection, so maybe we can focus more on how we would like to show up in the world. And the things our future selves will be grateful for!

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why do we believe life goes "wrong"?

Tue, 02 Jan 2024 04:00:52 GMT

In this episode we discuss that we are sold an idea that there is one ‘right’ way to do life; that good things happen to good people. That leads us to think that we have ‘failed’ somehow when things don't go well or according to plan. Culturally we are given messages about how we are meant to be and if we fall outside that we feel bad.

If we zoom out to get a broader perspective, we can see that there are any number of ways to live, be happy. Can we step back from the traditional beliefs about success and think about the values we would like to embody? We might be happier in ourselves if we can accept that stuff goes ‘wrong’ and we might be pushed onto a different path. Life just unfolds, there is no ‘one right way’ that we must adhere to. It might help us to have less of an attachment to all things, perhaps work out what are the important people or things – not to put everything on stuff that is out of our control.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why do we get distracted so easily?

Tue, 19 Dec 2023 04:00:32 GMT

In this episode we discuss how we are primed to notice things in our peripheral vision, it’s an evolutionary thing, and now it’s hard for us to prioritise all the things we can see, or the thoughts that flit through our heads. There is a sense sometimes of having too many windows open in the browser in our head, so we don’t feel that we can get into a flow with the task at hand!

If we can’t decide what is most important, we find our attention getting pulled away, particularly by social media. Getting a message on our phone gives us a small dopamine hit, it makes us feel good! So we are pulled to check it and respond if necessary. It’s a visceral, bodily feeling that we can notice, and learn to be aware of it. The practice is to learn to notice where we put our attention, and therefore choices we are making; and then make an intentional choice of where we put our attention and be present in the moment.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why does everything need to be perfect?

Tue, 05 Dec 2023 04:00:48 GMT

In this episode we establish that there can be two types of "wanting to be perfect" one how we want others to see us, and the other how we feel about ourselves. There can be a striving to be the best version of ourselves, and judging when we have been a bit rubbish, as well as perfectionism about the outward version of ourselves. We compare a curated version of someone else with how we feel about ourselves, and we are unlikely to come out of that comparison well!

This podcast felt very personal for us both, we realised that we have a level of perfectionism that is linked to our anxiety and a desire to control our lives, the chaos outside seems to reflect the chaos or anxiety inside. We explored Adrienne’s desire to be ‘poised’ and realised this is her idea of what an easeful life would look like!

The work here is acceptance of how we are right now, to notice that we are good enough, as acceptance comes before we can decide which parts of ourselves we’d like to grow. It’s OK to embrace our imperfections and to accept ourselves!

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why do we stay even though we are unhappy?

Tue, 21 Nov 2023 04:00:28 GMT

In this episode we discuss that ‘staying’ is both a physical thing –e.g. jobs, relationships etc and also we stay with behaviours that may have served us as children but aren’t useful any more as adults. These can be sedimented beliefs, things we can’t really see, and they can also be things we can see – if only I could change X I would be happier, for example. And this can be really uncomfortable especially if we can’t imagine what the change could be.

We explore the idea that there is not a fixed version of ourselves, we change over time, and with work and curiosity, we can allow ourselves to go with the changes rather than cling on to old, unhelpful strategies. The old ways may be familiar but can also be unsafe for us. What if the best happens with the change, what if it all works out?! Just because we feel the fear, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t make the change.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why do we find it hard to let our guard down?

Tue, 07 Nov 2023 04:00:38 GMT

This episode is quite a personal one for both of us! We talk here about being vulnerable, showing all of ourself to others. We discuss our early memories of feeling shame and the impact that has had on us. These experiences mean that we often feel that we are having to navigate rules that we don’t quite understand. And if we have a strong inner critic then that can feed into us feeling that we need to control what we show others; we ‘need’ to be on the look-out for any criticism. It can be difficult to voice an opinion in case it is ‘wrong’, particularly when the world feels so divided. We ponder that the work is to practice caring less what others might think of us! Along with acknowledging that it would be helpful to practice kindness and compassion for ourselves.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why don't we let go of things that don't serve us?

Tue, 24 Oct 2023 03:00:32 GMT

In this episode we discuss why there is something comforting about the familiar, even if it makes us unhappy! So we fall into our familiar patterns because they are what we always do in stressful situations. These may well have been behaviours that kept us safe as a child, but they often don’t serve us as adults. So how can we catch ourselves doing these things, and practice doing something different? This is not easy work, of course.

The work is in learning to observe our thoughts without believing that our thoughts are us. We can have agency and choice over what we do if we can learn to observe our thoughts (with kindness) when we are starting to get overloaded with adrenalin and cortisol. With perspective we can start to recognise our feelings, and that allows us to ask the question ‘is this true?’. And then do something helpful like using our breathing to sooth our ‘old brains’ and allow our thinking brains to come back on-line.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why do we let small things ruin our day?

Tue, 10 Oct 2023 03:00:49 GMT

In this episode we chat about how, when we feel insecure, we might lean on external things to create our sense of self. And if we do this, then the image we build up of our expectations of something can never live up to what we need it to be. Which is in turn upsetting for us. We can believe that everyone else has the same standards as us, but of course, everyone has had different experiences so that leads to having different values, standards, expectations.

We discuss that it can be much more helpful to see situations as moments, so we can have a difficult moment rather than the moment defining the whole day/weekend/holiday! It can be hard to cultivate this, though it is so rewarding to start to learn to catch how we are reacting, then consider what might be a more helpful response.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why do we find it hard to take advice?

Tue, 26 Sep 2023 03:00:00 GMT

In this episode we explore how we can be defensive about our opinions, and how when we are young we aren’t able to see the long-term consequences of our decisions. We chat about our personal experiences as younger adults, and how sticky it can be for all of us at any age when we are given unsolicited advice!

We discuss how therapy and mindfulness can help to develop an awareness of what’s not working for us in terms of us repeating patterns that aren’t serving us. We can work on hearing advice – knowing that we can discard it if it doesn’t resonate for us. Can we hear the intention behind the advice that is being offered, no matter how clumsy the wording might be? And can we learn how to feel what might be a good decision, rather than just staying with the thoughts that can get in our way?

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why do we feel so alone?

Tue, 12 Sep 2023 14:19:56 GMT

In this episode, we explore why we sometimes feel really alone, even when we might be among others. We are conditioned to think we are "supposed to" have a mate or partner and can feel inadequate if we find ourselves single. We chat about groups and belonging and that no one person or group can really meet all of our needs. Feeling alone or lonely can make us feel bad and we offer some advice around what we might do to help ourselves.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why don't we like to make the first move?

Tue, 29 Aug 2023 03:00:10 GMT

This conversation focuses on both repairing relationships (romantic, friendships, family) that have broken down, and maintaining relationships where we feel that we always make the first move. We also talk about someone needing to make the first move to create and develop new relationships!

We often have a fear of rejection, so it takes courage to be the first one to reach out. There’s also a discomfort in putting ourselves in the position of reaching out first! This can feel like we are saying that maybe it was our fault which is particularly difficult if we really believe that it wasn’t!

One way of thinking about it might be to consider the consequences of not making the first move. If the relationship is NOT important to us, then perhaps it wouldn’t matter; but if there is a sense that we would regret the breakdown of the relationship then perhaps we need to find the courage to reach out first, and to explore what would happen if we don't make amends?

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why do we chase happiness?

Tue, 15 Aug 2023 03:00:05 GMT

We like to feel happy, it feels great! And it’s much better than feeling unsafe, or sad or any of the unpleasant emotions. So we reach for a ‘quick fix’ of external objects to make us feel better, but that dopamine hit does not last long, so we keep reaching for the next thing.

How can we become more content on the inside? Because without that, no matter how many external things we get, no matter how much we run from the unpleasant feelings, we will still be unhappy. We need a friendly, accepting, caring relationship with ourselves.

We discuss how we can accept that happiness is fleeting; that there is a joy in calm, neutral states from which we can notice and be grateful for the small things that give us pleasure.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why do we lie?

Tue, 01 Aug 2023 03:00:29 GMT

In this episode we explore why we tell lies. Generally we lie either to protect ourselves, or to protect others! But of course, there is lots of nuance within those positions. We discuss whether there is such a thing as a white lie, and whether they are ever ok.

Sometimes, might lying be a kindness? Or perhaps there is a pleasant way to express our truth – if the intention is good then perhaps it will land better with us?

The longer the discussion goes on, the more we realise in how many different ways we use the word ‘lie’! This was such an interesting conversation to have, and we ended up with the idea that the intention behind everything we say is the most important thing. And sometimes we could do with being more honest!

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why do we suppress emotions?

Tue, 18 Jul 2023 03:00:00 GMT

In this episode we explore the reasons why we might suppress our emotions; from those not wanting to express unpleasant emotions in public through to people who were taught in childhood that expressing emotions is dangerous.

We acknowledge the desire to put on a ‘brave face’, or the experience of boring ourselves with our low mood, so not wanting to put that on others. Can we learn to ask ourselves ‘is this an appropriate emotion?’ and then be able to honour and therefore process how we are feeling?

We explore gently pushing at our window of tolerance, learning who we can tell, who can tolerate our unpleasant feelings without wanting to fix us.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why do we have knee-jerk reactions?

Tue, 04 Jul 2023 03:00:32 GMT

In this episode we discuss how, when we feel confronted, we can react and fight back. We discuss where this comes from, what’s happening in our brains, and how we may resort to a ‘tit for tat’ situation.

We reflect on the impact on us once we have calmed down, perhaps a feeling of shame or regret. And we discuss the impact of knee-jerk reactions on child-rearing!

We acknowledge the power of practicing pausing and responding, rather than reacting from a place of fear or fight. Learning how to bring our pre-frontal cortex on-line so that we don’t say things we will regret later.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why do we pretend that we are "fine"?

Tue, 20 Jun 2023 03:00:11 GMT

In this episode we explore what we might mean by ‘fine’, if and when it’s appropriate or protective to say we are fine, even when we aren’t.

Sometimes though, we say ‘fine’ when we aren’t, because we have told ourselves a story about the consequences of telling our friends how we really are. This can mean that we may isolate ourselves; maybe though fear or shame. We can compare ourselves to others – their situation may look to us much worse than ours, so we don’t feel we deserve our feelings.

We discuss strategies to accept and allow the ‘not-fineness’ whilst maybe also allowing some ‘fine’ moments, and also how we might allow movement towards being ‘more fine’.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why do we catastrophise

Tue, 06 Jun 2023 03:00:57 GMT

The human brain is amazing! It allows us to do something that no other mammal can do – we can time travel. We can reminisce about the past and we can plan and look forward to the future. However, there is also a less helpful consequence to this – we can beat ourselves up about things we did in the past, (something we have covered in previous podcasts) and we can catastrophise about the future. In this episode we explore our personal experiences of catastrophising. We also share some of the strategies and behaviours we have put in place to support ourselves in stepping away from the negative thoughts.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why don't we trust our gut instinct?

Tue, 23 May 2023 03:00:56 GMT

There’s a societal lean towards prioritising our rational brains over our emotions, but is that always helpful? In this episode we explore what we know about the science around the role of the gut in emotions, how we might be able to notice what’s going on in our bodies, rather than just relying on our brains, and how we use our gut feelings in our work. When we have had a difficult start in life, it can be difficult to trust our guts, or even know how to engage with our gut feelings. This is not an either/or situation, so again we are discussing how we can be in the ‘messy middle’ of both sources of biological data.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why do we hold grudges?

Tue, 09 May 2023 03:00:14 GMT

In this episode we discuss the feeling of unfairness if we let someone off the hook! If we forgive, does that mean we need to forget? And does that make us naïve? There is an ‘unsafe’ feeling when someone we thought we knew acts in a way we weren’t expecting. We may feel that it says something about us – that we are too vulnerable, something has been exposed and that can feel scary.

But, when we hold a grudge, does the other person even know they have wronged us, and that we are dwelling on the upset?! We can hold on to it because we don’t want to discuss it – mostly we do not like conflict.

So how can we deal with our feelings in a way that stops us from suffering with the grudge? We discuss strategies to help us let go, and move past to the end result we would like.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why can't we tolerate being offended?

Tue, 25 Apr 2023 03:00:39 GMT

Most of us will have had the experience of feeling offended by something someone says about us. There is a difference between a personal comment, and a difference of opinion. When our opinions are challenged, we can think that we are personally being attacked – that our opinions ARE us. We explore how true this is, and discuss the idea that we grow and change our ideas over time.

Should we be so thin-skinned that someone else’s different view to mine is intolerable? How can we stretch our comfort zone of being with difference? Living in silos, with no difference of opinion, means that we end up being pushed further away from anything that might feel challenging. We discuss how to become more curious about difference rather than threatened by it. And even change our opinions over time!

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why don't we like ourselves as we are?

Tue, 11 Apr 2023 03:00:37 GMT

In this episode we discuss why we often don’t feel comfortable in our own skins, and how we look at others and wish we were more like them. Why is it we want to be different from how we are? We ponder how we can become more comfortable, to show kindness to ourselves whilst encouraging ourselves to push at our window of tolerance.

As always, we offer some strategies to accepting ourselves and allowing growth. We need to notice when our inner critic is present, and be able to catch the stories we tell about ourselves. Can we accept that rather than others judging us, they are probably feeling just the same as we are – and judging themselves too!

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why do we believe our thoughts are true?

Tue, 28 Mar 2023 03:00:22 GMT

Our thoughts can feel like they are part of us, that they are fixed and unchangeable. We explore where ‘thinking’ happens in the brain, and when in evolutionary terms thinking – the ability to ‘time-travel’ in thoughts started. This ability can, and is, a great benefit to us; AND it can also cause us problems!

In the past, we have both been experts at worrying, catastrophising about potential problems! And we have both spent a lot of time working at being able to catch the pattern, and interrupt it happening. We explore the negativity bias and ways to overcome it. We discuss strategies to learn how to stop believing all our thoughts, to step away from thinking they say something about ourselves, and the barriers to sometimes being able to do so.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why do we feel guilt?

Tue, 14 Mar 2023 04:00:16 GMT

Why do we feel guilt?

Most of us experience guilt at some point. In this episode we begin with discussing why we would need guilt as a useful human tool – given how unpleasant it feels. It is a process that helps us to stay part of a group, it’s entirely about relationships and the way we relate to others, and historically that helped to keep us safe.

Our childhood patterns mean that we are more or less disposed to assume things are our fault, and that leads us to feel guilt. However, we can learn to challenge these sedimented beliefs, to examine the stories we are telling ourselves and to stay with the facts as we know them. It’s uncomfortable, but can we learn to live with the uncertainty – at least until we can check out the facts?!

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why are we our own worst critic?

Tue, 28 Feb 2023 04:00:45 GMT

This is something that feels very familiar to both of us, and we suspect, many other people too! It can be driven by not feeling good enough, which then drives us to strive to be ‘perfect’. We discuss where that comes from in an evolutionary sense, that generalisation of needing to be safe in the group – and how those are now distorted into self-limiting beliefs.

We think about how much of that switch from spotting danger into spotting negatives comes from societal norms, and we can see that through history as well as things like playground hierarchy.

As always, we offer some ways of being kinder to ourselves, to challenge those limiting beliefs and to move towards a more compassionate way of being. Just because we think something, that doesn’t make it true!

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why don't our loved ones get the best version of us?

Tue, 14 Feb 2023 04:00:20 GMT

In this episode we discuss how our loved ones don't always get the best version of us?’

This is something we probably all recognise at times! We perhaps make more of an effort with work-colleagues and friends than we do with those at home. Is there something about it being more comfortable – perhaps we can relax and ask for our own needs to be met at home in a way we can’t in the outside world? There is, after all, a freedom in being able to be ourselves without feeling that we might be judged.

We muse on how this shows up in our own lives, and also explore the idea of ‘silent seething’ – our expectations that those who matter most to us ‘ought’ to know what we are thinking and what we need.

Additionally, Adrienne offers some suggestions from her work with couples that might help with showing attention to our most important relationships. We discuss how giving our loved ones our full attention can strengthen our relationships and make them more easeful.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why do we get nervous?

Tue, 31 Jan 2023 04:24:23 GMT

In this episode, we discuss how nervousness is a way to keep us connected to the group, and this is an evolutionary mechanism (of course!). It’s separate from a survival fear, though related to it.

We explore how this may show up in our modern worlds, and how it can be a useful way of being able to focus on a task, and how this might be organised in the brain.

We turn to what we might be able to do to support ourselves when we get nervous, how to separate the story we are telling ourselves versus the evidence. How might we, as best we can, prepare for this situation? It’s also helpful to recognise when we are getting nervous – what are our physical responses to it? Can we develop an ease, an acceptance of the possibility that nervousness is here, and that we do have some control?

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why do we feel the need to set goals?

Tue, 17 Jan 2023 04:00:25 GMT

This episode focusses on goals and achievements – most of us love a list! Completing tasks can feel great; and sometimes it can be overwhelming. We split apart different types of goals – those that are tangible and those that are intangible. The intangible ones may be things that society tells us we ‘ought’ to have achieved by a certain age or stage of life. Tangible ones give us a purpose, they are the things that get us up in the morning.

We also explore how the fixed ways we see the world, schemas or sedimented beliefs, inform how we engage with our lives. And not in a helpful way! Can we move away from an ‘either or’ approach to life and find the middle way. A steady way that still isn’t boring. Can we explore where the motivation for goal-setting comes from – what’s driving it (threat, drive, or soothing system)?

We end as usual by offering ways to help ourselves; rather than punish ourselves, how can we nourish or be kind to ourselves.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why do we get embarrassed?

Tue, 03 Jan 2023 04:00:14 GMT

In this episode we explore where embarrassment comes from (spoiler alert, it has an evolutionary advantage!), it comes from a sense of wanting to belong, be part of the group. And this is where our safety comes from.

But, if as a child we had inconsistent parenting then we can internalise shame and that can lead to limiting behaviours as an adult, such as not wanting to be seen or getting embarrassed in public.

We talk about the physiological impact of feeling embarrassment and shame, and how we might manage those physical sensations by accepting them rather than pushing them away.

We think about the impact of social media on our feelings of shame, when we have phrased things in a clumsy way. But we are humans and we can’t get everything right all the time. We discuss how we might show ourselves compassion and acceptance that we can’t get everything right all the time.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why do we self-sabotage?

Tue, 20 Dec 2022 04:00:48 GMT

In this episode we discuss feelings of not being good enough, and those times when we might self-sabotage in order to save ourselves from ‘failure’ – a sense of saving face. This can often come from a lack of self-belief. And that can lead to self-limiting beliefs about who we are as a person.

We relate this to our own experiences of relationships, and explore how our ‘blueprint’ of relationships – the ones we see in early life – have a deep impact on how we see ourselves in our adult relationships.

We offer strategies to ‘zoom out’ and be an observer of our own lives in order to recognise our patterns of behaviour, in order to be able to respond differently. How can we allow ourselves to think – what’s the worst that could happen? Accepting that good enough, rather than perfection, is generally good enough. And often that’s not that big a deal – it’s not that deep!

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why do we agree to things we will regret?

Tue, 06 Dec 2022 04:00:31 GMT

In this episode, we discuss why we might agree to do things even when we don't want to. Perhaps it's so that we are seen as a ‘nice’ person, helpful and considerate, but this can also lead us to feeling unseen and overwhelmed. Our exploration of overwhelm leads us to a discussion about self-care and how we can hold our boundaries.

How can we find a balance between doing the things and taking care of ourselves, so that we can do some of the things we are being asked to do. It’s not generally all or nothing!

Often the root of this can be traced back to childhood, patterns of behaviour that keep us safe as children. But these behaviours may not serve us well as adults and so exploring those patterns can be really helpful. Along with stepping away from feeling responsible for the way other people think or feel. Can we use the regret to consider how we might do things differently in the future? And this is the work, it’s a hard thing to do to reframe the situation!

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why do we need to be busy all the time?

Tue, 22 Nov 2022 04:00:01 GMT

In this episode we discuss that being busy has become a badge of honour, even though as humans we need down-time. We explore the 3 main reasons we feel the need to stay busy and the physiological impact on us for remaining busy. We share experiences from our own lives and importantly we discuss what we can do to break the patterns of ‘doing’ all the time, including setting boundaries, recognising when we need to pause and giving ourselves permission to stop.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why do we care so much about what we look like?

Tue, 08 Nov 2022 04:00:17 GMT

It's not just vanity. It's a hard-wired, and an evolutionary urge linked to reproduction and the continuation of the species. The ‘need’ to be perfect has now become linked to social media and filters. We need to have enough self-respect to take care of ourselves, without tipping over into focusing only on our appearance. We discuss whether it is a search for happiness that makes us think that if I look a certain way then I will be happier. Is it possible to learn to be OK with who we are? To develop a sense of contentment with ourself? We discuss ways we can find contentment and ease with our life so that we step away from focusing on our outward appearance and think about the values we want to live by.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why don't we like change?

Tue, 25 Oct 2022 03:00:37 GMT

In this episode we discuss why it is we don’t like change, and the fact that this is driven by evolution – we like predictability as it feels safe. There is a discomfort when we are confronted by change AND we actually encounter change all the time, from small things (people being late to meet us) to really big things (being made redundant or a relationship ending). We get through those changes, even the really unpleasant ones. So what is that capacity? We explore strategies to manage our discomfort, to develop some ease and acceptance of change, and to step away from telling negative stories and catastrophising. We discuss the ways we move towards bearing what initially feels unbearable.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why do we have such a low opinion of ourselves?

Mon, 10 Oct 2022 03:00:37 GMT

In this episode we explore why we might have low self-esteem or a low opinion of ourselves. This is something that comes up a lot for both of us in our client-work and even in ourselves at times. We discuss how we develop a low opinion of ourselves, the impact this might have on our lives, and how we might overcome it. We muse on how we might step away from comparing ourselves to some sort of ideal version of how we ‘ought’ to be, and how we can step away from the negative stories we tell ourselves.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

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Why do we overthink things?

Tue, 27 Sep 2022 03:00:16 GMT

In this episode we explore how overthinking things leads to stress and causes us a lot of unhappiness and potentially leads to physical problems too. It is a protection mechanism to plan for possible problems but of course we cannot control the future and worrying about it can be really unhelpful. We explore the reasons why we do it and offer some advice and strategies for helping ourselves.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

BONUS EPISODE Why do we grieve differently?

Tue, 20 Sep 2022 07:48:47 GMT

In this episode we reflect on how differently everyone processes grief, the different emotions that the Queen's passing has brought up and how there is no right way we are supposed to feel. Ultimately, can we be tolerant, understanding and kind towards each other however we are feeling or responding.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we avoid discomfort?

Tue, 13 Sep 2022 03:00:15 GMT

In this episode we talk about discomfort and why our strategies of avoidance don’t work and can be destructive. Pushing away our unpleasant feelings gives them power over us, it’s a form of bullying ourselves, which then creates a stress response. We discuss ways of being with discomfort, learning to recognise and not try to ‘fix it’.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we see things differently from each other?

Tue, 30 Aug 2022 03:00:18 GMT

In this episode we discuss why it is we often feel it necessary to prove we were right, even in those situations where there is no right and wrong; just different ways of seeing the same thing. How might we bring some compassion to our conversations and disagreements with others, and always remembering that we bring our subjective experiences to situations. We discuss what might we do differently and how we can find more compromise in difficult situations.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why don't we prioritise ourselves?

Tue, 16 Aug 2022 03:00:21 GMT

In this episode we prioritise thinking about ourselves, why is it so hard to do and what does it even mean to prioritise ourselves? What about others? If we prioritise ourselves does that mean we are being selfish? Spoiler alert – it doesn’t! Importantly, we offer strategies to prioritise ourselves and discuss how this helps us to consider and support others.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we procrastinate?

Tue, 02 Aug 2022 03:00:26 GMT

In this episode we explore procrastination, why we do it and why we put ourselves under pressure not just in work-based tasks but in decision making in general. Why do we feel stuck; paralysed with indecision? And what does ‘the right decision’ even look like?! We discuss strategies and suggestions for overcoming the desire to put off making decisions and for loosening the grip of analysis paralysis!

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we get stressed?

Mon, 18 Jul 2022 16:18:36 GMT

In this episode we dive straight into why all humans react and get stressed. What is actually happening in the body and why do we overreact to things that aren't actually that "deep"? Importantly, we discuss what we can do to help ourselves when it happens.

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's not that deep - trailer

Mon, 18 Jul 2022 16:18:09 GMT

Why the name? What's it all about? This short trailer will answer those questions and give more insight into what to expect - welcome to It's not that deep with Adrienne Kirk, Psychotherapist and Lucy Woods, Mindfulness Specialist

Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.