Last Men On Earth

LMOE #174: Extremely Blurred Lines

Thu, 07 Oct 2021 22:30:29 GMT

Yes, it's true. Matt and I take more work vacations than the cackling chunksters on The View. Hopefully, those moments we do return to tape more shows we're not quite as stupid. Though that's clearly up for debate.

On our latest and greatest Last Men on Earth podcast, we dive into the Emily Ratajkowski Blurred Lines assault allegations, because her breasts are perfect and that always warrants attention, talk about the sexual coercion stories out of the women's soccer league we didn't even know existed, get into Cooper Hefner sinking his dad's Playboy empire with virtue-signaling stunts, wonder why "prostitution" was renamed "sex trafficking" by the police and media after 1,000 years, and decide whether there's any nobility to NBA vaccine holdouts like Andrew Wiggins and Kyrie Irving.

We're back, with a vengeance. And yes, Matt does look a lot like Joy Behar now.

Adoringly yours,

Lex.

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LMOE #173: Megan Rapinoe in a Babydoll, Now We Have Your Attention

Fri, 25 Jun 2021 03:32:27 GMT

Matt came back from the week off he demanded for Juneteenth, which is interesting because he was definitely on the slaveowner's side. Every dance has two partners.

We reunited to discuss Victoria's Secret firing the Angels and going with butch soccer star and activist Megan Rapinoe in their lingerie campaigns, Chrissy Teigen going full Blue Velvet on unwitting sad people on Twitter, LeBron James being AWOL on the Covid Vaccine, and Matt and I decide who our favorite dude competing as a woman in the 2021 Olympics will be. It's a wonderful time to be alive. A less wonderful time to be dead. As always.

We do love our audience. And we want you to love us back. We're not asking for sexual favors. Though we're not not asking for that. But a few coins in our metaphorical guitar case as we sadly sing Oasis songs wouldn't hurt. Become a Patron of Last Men on Earth podcast and help free the world!

Love and kisses.

Lex.

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LMOE #172: Hollywood Pays Big Woke Bills

Fri, 11 Jun 2021 22:05:49 GMT

The boys are back in town again. I think because we don't have vaccine passports we're technically not allowed to leave. But beside the point. Matt and I got together at my mountaintop lair and recorded yet another Smithsonian archive level Last Men on Earth podcast episode. Someday we'll get that Kennedy Center honor. Once all the cellists are dead.

In this week's Last Man on Earth episode, we explore Chris Harrison's $50 million dismissal from The Bachelor for improperly being a racial reactionary, put ourselves in the shoes of 1970's University of Michigan linemen being fondled quite openly by the team doctor, explore the bowels of TikTok stardom, and objectively reviewed the Logan Paul, Floyd Mayweather fight for the shallow bit of circus nonsense designed for idiots that it was. Objectively speaking.

We do ask you to kindly subscribe to be patrons of our show, as that is how we are raising money for Matt's transition into a female leprechaun. The cost of hacking off his Lucky Charms is more than you might expect. For a couple of shekels, you can really make his transformation to butterfly happen.

We respect and admire you.

Lex

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LMOE #171: Bill Gates, Pussy Magnate

Thu, 13 May 2021 04:38:49 GMT

Don't call it an audio comeback!

We're back with a fully functional amateurish episode of Last Men on Earth.

This is the one where we discuss why billionaires like Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates can't figure out until it's too late they can have hot young trophy wives, Matt explains why baseball player Drew Robinson's failed suicide was hardly heroic, we delve into Hollywood pretending to discover not a single member of the Golden Globes is black, and we wonder why women follow the likes of Chrissy Teigen for working mom and parenting advice.

This episode jam-packed full of fudgy flavor. Lick it. Go on. Nobody's looking.

As always, we come hand in hat asking for you to become a patron of the show on Patreon.com. We honestly really do use any contributions toward beers and heroin, so you know it's money well spent.

Bless you, even the ugly people.

Lex.

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LMOE #170: The Sickly Covid Tapes

Thu, 06 May 2021 22:54:29 GMT

I'm not going to sugar coat this, we took a year off to hide under our couches with our various gendered fully-legal sex workers and came back and screwed up the audio recording on our very first try. I think it may be the long-term impact of Covid, even though neither of us had Covid. That's how sinister the China virus is.

Nevertheless, if you care you care to give it a whirl, Matt and I dive into the Covid lifestyle, Elliot page cutting off her breasts, err, his breasts, in order to write a screenplay, Tess Holliday claiming to be the world's first obese anorexic, SI Swimsuit diving faster toward bankruptcy with male models in its swimsuit edition, and Serena Williams next in a line of neverending self-serving documentaries about the struggles of being rich and famous and universally press-adored. It's actually good shinola, if you can make it through the intense record lag pops on the track.

As always, we beg your indulgence for recording equipment and beer money via Patreon.com. Because our nation is at its best when it rewards failure.

Thanks (heart emoji banging another heart emoji against its will),

Lex.

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LMOE #169 - COVID, Heard Dumps, and NBA SJW

Mon, 13 Jul 2020 07:23:03 GMT

There are heroes in this life, and then there are HEROES. Like Matt and I drinking beers and eating pretzels and violating many standing COVID restrictions by our mayor, governor, and almighty W.H.O. Council of Elders by coming together for the big 169. Greatest Generation type stuff. Hold your applause.

After what seems like a lifetime of coronavirus maniacal scare-casting, we've put out Last Men on Earth Podcast #169. On this week's episode, we dive into our own personal pandemic stories, I force Matt to take a test "NBA Social Justice Slogan or Top Selling Rap Album Name", we project the fate of noted pedo-pimp Ghislaine Maxwell, we wonder where NFL team name changes may end up after full slippery sloping, dive into the fecal details of the Depp and Heard melee, and end on a happy note praising Sports Illustrated for putting a dude who wanted to be a woman in a bikini onto their Swimsuit edition, finally. Banana Hammocks for all my friends!

Naturally, we can't live without basic funding for our coronavirus tests. So become a member of our Last Men on Earth patron family and keep hope alive.

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LMOE #168 - Amber Heard Lied, Kobe Died

Tue, 04 Feb 2020 03:11:08 GMT

Matt and I are on a roll. Like Mahomes to Hill, and trust me, the pitcher and receiver analogy is perfect. I'm Mahomes. Fuck it, the Niners should've won. I'm going to make Hill pay tonight.

Become a Patron of Last Men on Earth and you can live forever. We do need your $1.50 for beer money. And you need to stop feeling guilty about listening for free.

On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast, we dive into the hard landing of Kobe Bryant who Matt wished dead on tape two year ago, though he gets bonus points for calling Amber Heard a liar two years ago on wife abuse charges, we explore Harvey Weinstein's micro-penis, tell you the truth about Meghan Markle's master plan, wonder if two Latina (Latinx!) moms pole dancing at the Super Bowel really constitutes female empowerment, and expose the woke narcissism that is Joaquin Phoenix.

We do this for you, because we care. Care back. Become a Patron of the Last Men on Earth for the price of two cigarettes, or one beer, or 1.5 Slim Jims.

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LMOE #167 - The Internet Is For Porn

Sun, 26 Jan 2020 03:03:51 GMT

Now that Matt and I are shitting out content on a regular schedule, it's time to consider your patronage of this blessed audio work. Where would the world be without the De Medici family supporting Michelangelo? Or George Soros supporting transnational sex workers? The bare, naked, honest, and horrible truth needs benevolent patrons as well.

Support the Last Men on Earth podcast with your couch change, you glorious motherfucker.

On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast, we dive deep into the study that shockingly declares teen boys are watching Internet porn daily, discussing Deb Dugan's Grammy corruption non-revelations, dive into Terry Crews' sex fasting process, discuss the sad fate of fat Canadian trans-activist Jennifer Yaniv, I share my Elizabeth Warren real life nightmare, and we wonder how many more minutes until Julianne Hough's hockey playing husband comes out of the penalty box, err, closet. This episode is jam packed with speculation posing as fact. So very modern.

And yes, we want your dollar. Become a Patron of Last Men on Earth podcast. Oh, the hit lists you'll be on when the Bolshevik Bros take over.

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LMOE #166 - Lizzo Needs The Lipo

Sun, 19 Jan 2020 07:25:11 GMT

After an extended break where Matt and I each had plastic surgery to look like the other, like Face/Off, only with less straight actors, we are back and fully recharged for 2020. Our commitment to being called vile and offensive, though never wrong, remains intact. Also, my left testicle finally dropped, so that's like a Quinceañera in your pants.

SUPPORT THE SHOW AND LIVE FOREVER!

On this episode of Last Men on Earth, Matt and I discuss how women in power are just as horrible as men in power in the entertainment industry, wonder how exactly the WNBA business model supports economy-plus seats on flights, lament the fact that Elizabeth Warren can be hailed a feminist hero for faking offenses, discuss how horrible the Oscars are in every way imaginable, estimate the circumference around Lizzo's best life, and mourn the loss of independent comedy in the media-sphere thanks to duopolistic overlords pushing vanilla content to the masses.

Among the reasons independent voices on the Internet are dying off is a lack of funding. I mean, that's a bald-faced plea to become a patron of our show. Certainly, you'll go on some list for when the bad people take over and look to genocide all the non-conformists, but you'll be shot in the back with pride. Plus it's only $1.50, you cheap cheap bastard.

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LMOE #165 - Making a Mountain out of Katie Hill

Tue, 05 Nov 2019 08:07:36 GMT

Young people will always be idiots in the eyes of older people because older people were once young and have the hindsight to see what idiot assholes they were. It's the circle of life. This is why old people vote a ton and don't give a shit that young people don't. Also, they're bored because they can't figure out the Internet.

On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast, Matt and I explore the crotch-level depths of Congresswoman Katie Hill's fall from disgrace, including that Germanic Iron Cross on her pubes, mock Lebron James because you have to, wonder if the Deadspin editorial staff is quite as bad-ass, noble, and speaking truth to power as they think, ponder business tools apps promoting LGBTQ activist content, disavow the entire wing of fake studies known as Social Science, and have the final answer as to why Terminator Dark Fate tanked at the box office.

As always, we beg of you in a whorish plea to support the show via a tiny donation to Patreon.com. It's a good way to support the arts without supporting anybody close to being an artist.

Blessings,

Lex.

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LMOE #164 - Greta Thunberg Scold-a-thon

Tue, 01 Oct 2019 01:56:38 GMT

It's less often that Matt and I have the chance to sit down and really talk out our feelings. Like who's a fucking moron, who deserves to be felled by a tetanus-ridden cleaver, and who is so hot you'd do it with her even if she had visible scabies rashes. It's a real bearing of the souls.

Support Last Men on Earth. Keep hope live. Not here obviously.

On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast, we delve into the tween maniacal musings of Greta Thunberg, the most annoying person to come out of Sweden since the last person that came out of Sweden, troll Ed Buck and his meth-injection sex fetish, explain why women crying at work is now being elevated to a sign of business excellence, talk needlessly about sexually ambiguous Ronson sibling DJs, assess the statistically anomaly that is gender-swapping preschools in Hollywood proper, and we talk Des Moines Register hit piece on that kid in Iowa who raised money for children's hospital. All the good stuff that real news outlets would cover if they weren't chicken-shit, mindless, and dry as your grandma. That seems cruel. All of it.

If you're not donating a dollar to keep our show alive, you're wasting your dollar. Also, Jesus hates you and you'll probably get butt cancer. Save yourself the heartache. Give.

Bless you.

Lex.

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LMOE #163 - Gay Balls, Straight Oppression, and The Miracle of Childbirth

Sun, 01 Sep 2019 06:19:35 GMT

You know how in every successive rap album Eminem spends half the record time apologizing for his last album being shitty and promises this one now is finally good -- that's our latest Last Men Podcast, except for the apologizing for the last one bullshit. That's pretty pussy for 8-Mile.

JOIN THE FIGHT NOW. OR THE NON-FIGHT. FUCK, CLICK HERE FOR FREE ICE-CREAM AND PORN.

In our latest podcast glory, Matt and I discuss Jeffrey Epstein's female lieutenants role in his serial teen girl boning boon, wonder how women got away with turning childbirth into something akin to Silver Star worthy combat duty, analyze the straight-to-Hollywood-twink antics of the latest gay former NFL player, then spend a shit ton of time not really figuring out what straight white males are supposed to do in an age where they are the cellar dwellers of the socio-political pecking order and complaining simply sounds bitchy. It's a tough problem. We're just the guys not to fix it.

Now I beseech you to become cheap mofo donors to our podcast Patreon account. While your dollar to PBS simply gives hippy pedophiles who hate America more shows, your dollar to the Last Men on Earth podcast does the same, but without the hippy part. It's super fucking magical. Also, this is how you get into heaven.

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LMOE #162 - Game of Moans

Mon, 29 Jul 2019 02:11:32 GMT

Matt and I get a lot of heat for our irregular podcast recording schedule of late. But if you knew the difficulty arranging venues and times between Matt's ankle bracelet and school and park distance restrictions and my own rule about podcasting naked, you'd realize logistics can be tough. Only half of that is true. Give peace a chance.

On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast we delve into young hot chicks with faux modeling careers pretending their not in the sex business, dudes from CNN being fired for virulent anti-Semitic comments on their high school years Twitter accounts, the epitome of impotent self-importance demonstrated by a million indolent souls signing the Change.org petition to demand HBO re-do the final season of Game of Thrones, tranny fascism underway in Canada's lady-parts hair plucking centers, a frank assessment of childless Millennial couples who routinely visit Disneyland, and a forecast of what life would really be like if men also had monthly menstrual cycles like the self-described braver gender.

We take a week off from time to time, but we come back with 2 hours of awesome. Well, 30 minutes with 90 minutes of other. Better than Tarantino's percentage. Now give us a dollar on Patreon.com to pay for our beer, and you may enter into heaven.

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LMOE #161 - Yang Gangs, Bang Gangs, and Chelsea Hooligans

Mon, 01 Jul 2019 02:10:49 GMT

Coming off my audio failures this week, I put extra effort into being profound, on-topic, and thoughtful -- or, none of the things that come naturally to me. Meh, too much work. It's like the frog and the scorpion porn clip where the girl dressed up as the frog tries to figure out why the dude scorpion put his thing in her. Some things in life are better left as mysteries.

On this week's Last Men on Earth Podcast, we mock Kim Jong un and Donald Trump in equal measure, decide whether gay Pride needs a full-month victory lap, talk about Chelsea Clinton, but mostly as a means to make sexist looks jokes, fear for the testicles of John Legend, consider the women's pay gap in soccer even though it's soccer which is even more inane than pay gap arguments, talk about Andrew Yang's fruitless attempt to bring on-paper, detailed solutions to politics which prefers neither, and suggest that England's ITV network insisting that all TV comedy writing teams be gender diverse is likely the death of comedy.

Stay with this one, it's a helluva show.

As always, I supplicate myself before you like a NXVIM sex slave to ask for your kindly DONATION TO OUR PATREON PAGE. Your $1.50 is the fuel that keeps this Gulfstream of goodness going. Do you realize how much Matt's beverage rider costs weekly? We swear so that you don't have to.

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LMOE #160 -- The Unbroken

Sun, 23 Jun 2019 22:43:35 GMT

One thing I've learned in life is to admit when you made a mistake, learn from that mistake, then beat your children to mask your feelings of shame. Everybody has their own plan. I did manage to delete the front half of the show and somehow have an audio software that rolls circa 1988 without auto-save or auto-recovery or "hey, you fucked up, now restore your file" as an option. Damn you, shareware!

Nevertheless, Matt and I recorded some incredibly meaningful conversations regarding female pilots in the cockpit (see where we land), the latest allegations involving Trump rape dick, the obviously foreseen failures of X-Men: Dark Phoenix and MIB4 at the box office, and the arrival of O.J. Simpson to Twitter (could this be a blessing in disguise?).

LMOE #160 is chocked full of goodness. What is dead can never die. Now give us a dollar on Patreon and show you truly do support the deviant arts.

I love you more than your parents ever did.

Lex.

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LMOE #159 - Amy Schumer Pump and Dump

Mon, 27 May 2019 04:51:36 GMT

It's harder for Matt and I to get together these days, what with my running a shelter for runaway teen girls who are height-weight proportionate and hate their fathers, and Matt's multiple ankle-bracelets and restrictive curfews. So when we do meet up, we try to make it count with insightful comments, wise analysis, and profound thoughts. I mean, we would do that if we could, but we can't, so we slather on the bullshit and add a few exclamation points to make it seem official.

On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast, we dive into the tormented life of Amy Schumer as Gaia figure to child, wonder who Ashley Graham's even more corpulent sister is supposed to inspire in burlap sack bathing suit promos, question the legitimacy of Taylor Swift calling people sexist for asking her if she wants children someday, wonder whether STEM programs for girls are truly working if they're now masking them as art classes for girls so girls will pay attention, remain confounded by the WNBA and its sycophants insisting it's as good as the men's sport, mock people who are now dying atop Everest waiting for Sherpas to guide them down the busy mountainside, and further mock Drake for being a Raptors fan with Warriors players' tattoos on his body. It's 90-minutes of pure verbal exhilaration slash diarrhea. You can't miss this.

And, because we're awesome and you're awesome, we ask that you kindly kick into the kitty to keep the show going with a buck or two a month. Yes, it's charity. No, it's not tax-deductible. So even better!

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LMOE #158 - Powerlifting T's and Burkini Arousal

Sun, 05 May 2019 05:49:14 GMT

Nothing says kiss-ass like a men's media outlet putting together a woman's edition. There's the obligatory celebration of Serena Williams and a chick in Pakistan who was murdered for trying to attend a typing class The two hero stories being largely interchangeable. Matt and I decided to take a different tact for our annual women's edition by focusing on some really appalling stories of feminist overload overkill. Not everybody can be as woke as GQ or Sports Illustrated Swimsuit.

On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast, we delve into feminist speaker Roxane Gay's claim that WNBA games routinely sell-out thanks to underreported lesbian fan support, Natalie Portman's claim that meat-eaters consume eggs and milk as a sign of misogynist domination, question the validity of Luke Walton's sex assault accuser choosing to skip police involvement and go straight to a personal injury attorney lawsuit, wonder who might be fondling themselves to SI's ballyhooed burkini clad Muslim swimsuit model, figure out if leggings criticism is really coming from the totalitarian patriarchy or merely catty women, and try to applaud the dude who claimed he's a woman and dominated every single power lifting event this past week.

Also, we run through Matt's new book on Amazon: Hide This From Your Wife.

As always, we embarrassingly beg you to support the show with your sofa coins and recycling CRV cash money, via our Patreon.com supporter page. It really is the nicest thing you can do in the entire world, as ranked by scientists!

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LMOE #157 - The One With the Gay POTUS

Mon, 08 Apr 2019 07:33:58 GMT

America may now be evolved enough that we can have a completely immature discussion about what it might be like to have a sexually active gay President in the White House. Or would this ever happen? Is America ready for a male President who is crushing hard on Zac Efron?

In addition to discussing what may pass if Cory Booker becomes President, on this week's Last Men on Earth podcast we dig deep into the hair follicle scents and sensibilities of Joe Biden, Matt openly hate on Kobe Bryant while I cry and listen to Dear Basketball, we discuss when it is a good thing that federal prosecutors trample over defendants' rights (i.e. when Lori Loughlin may be taking showers in the Big House), and get hard for the L.A. Mayor chasing down the perpetrator of the Nipsey Hussle murder. It's not every day a gangsta rapper gets shot dead.

We implore you with all the gusto of Kevin Spacey at a Boy Scout jamboree to dip into your coin jar and become a patron of the Last Men on Earth on Patreon.com. We rely on the kindness of strangers for our continued existence. No pressure.

Enjoy.

Lex.

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LMOE #156 - Cardi B Robbing and Whoring

Fri, 29 Mar 2019 20:41:28 GMT

The better part of having a show like the Last Men on Earth podcast is knowing exactly how to respond to any app tool asking if your content contains explicit language. YES. Though you might think it odd that the presence of adult language remains of utmost concern to publishers in 2019, what with fake news, data theft, the willful distribution of crass commercialism and idiocy parading as clickable content, and war in 37 nations as we speak. But, yes, fuck, and shit and piss still seems to be the great correlation to modern civilization horror.

On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast, Matt and I try to solve the political riddle of Jussie Smollett's radical release, examine just how messed up it is nobody cares that Cardi B used to drug and rob her johns, how anybody thought Michael Avenatti was anything but a sleazy broken gumdrop of a man, the ill-essence of privileged people over-buying their kids into elite colleges, applaud Robert Kraft fighting his rub and tug arrest, explore Matt's NBA plan to help out sad-sack small media market teams, and fight for the God-given trailer park right of Mama June to have her abusive boyfriend back in her home. It's a lot. Enjoy it all with crackers.

As ever, I implore the charitable and benevolent and Christian-Muslim-Jewish-Buddhist-Nihilist side of you to become a patron of our show for a buck or two a month. Batteries for sodomite sex toys are far more expensive than you might believe.

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LMOE #155 - Hollywood's Hot Women Rise Against

Fri, 08 Mar 2019 07:24:47 GMT

I don't know how your town or industry works, but here in Hollywood, a hot girl with an amazing body can't catch a break. Blonde beauties like Brie Larson and steamy hot busty Latinas like Salma Hayek struggle share a bond of oppression previously only know by Southern sharecroppers and the embattled Hmong people of the central California valley regions. Thoughts and prayers, ladies. Be strong.

On this week's Last Men on Earth Podcast we dig into the systemic bias against bodacious hotties like Salma Hayek, compare Brie Larson's Captain Marvel to an empowering high school assembly, wonder how anybody could call you outrageous for thinking Michael Jackson a sex criminal, plunge into false campus rape hysteria, Matt gleefully roots for Johnny Depp in his lawsuit against his former lesbian wife, and we wonder why any of that matters since moms are now refusing to vaccinate their children due to Facebook shared information from other mental moms. Do you know what MMR stands for? Well, learn it, because we're all about to die from it, again.

As always, just short of a Bob Kraft happy ending, we beseech you to become a patron of the show on Patreon.com, such that you might support the continuation of this show and earn your 72-virgins in the afterlife.

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LMOE #154 - Transgender Sports Domination

Thu, 28 Feb 2019 09:47:03 GMT

When I used to play sports, people told me I ran like a girl. Little did I know that in the future boys like me would have a chance to dominate the Connecticut High School Girls Track finals. I identify as first place!

On this week's Last Men on Earth Podcast, we delve into the transgendered female athletes increasingly dominating girls sports and the reason why that shit is about to pop, discuss Hollywood's Green Book failed night at the Oscars, highlight the hypocrisy of the #TimesUp chairwoman who resigned to #BelieveHim in an upcoming sex assault case, the idiocy of the Robert Kraft tug job arrest and the linkage to sex trafficking, wonder aloud how Robin Roberts still has a job after crazy embarrassing journalism in her Jussie Smollett interview, and find R. Kelly yet again in trouble for peeing on little girls. Didn't your mother teach you any manners?

As always, we beg, plead, and beseech you to donate a couple shekels to our ad-free podcast cause to keep our lights on and our beer cold. Visit us on Patreon to make a small, but incredibly valuable contribution to keep us going. The world needs this carbon footprint right now.

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LMOE #153 - Deadnaming, Naked Professors, and Bezos Peen

Thu, 14 Feb 2019 07:15:44 GMT

Do you ever look around this world and think to yourself, man, I'm glad Ol' Dirty Bastard died before he had to see all of this shit? No. Me neither. Though it's hard not to reminisce about a time when political correctness was roundly mocked and scolded, rather than the practical law of the land. The return of all types of tribunals has not served this planet well.

On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast we accept the fact that Terry Crews played his ball cupping into a brilliant career upgrade; wonder why it's not racist to blatantly deride white people, a common hobby of modern media; overly analyze Jeff Bezos' penis; wonder when feminists will stop taking off their clothes and pretending it's going to teach men a lesson; surmise that young journalists have absolutely nothing interesting in their lives to write about these days; try to figure out how Carson Daly had a show on for 17 years despite nobody ever watching; and wonder aloud what will happen to a world where we arrest people for misgendering the transgendered and trying to pretend science matters. Ol' Dirty Bastard. So glad he doesn't have to witness this collapse.

For the love of Pete, and all the women Pete let down, please support the righteous cause of our ad-free podcast, by visiting Patreon.com and donating a buck or two to keep us on-platform, on-message, and on-Miller High Life.

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LMOE #152 - Andy King Going Down, Emily Ratajkowski Rising Up

Fri, 08 Feb 2019 07:13:55 GMT

I like to think of Matt and I as great detectives searching for real evidence in a worldwide case of fake news, bullshit, obfuscation, and misdirection. But, honestly, neither of us would pass a background check to be a detective in any known law enforcement office. Damn you pee tests and criminal background searches. Unlicensed muckrakers we remain.

On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast we dive deeper into the Jussie Smollett alleged and quickly falling apart hate crime tale, wonder if Liam Neeson and others ought best keep their long ago sins to themselves, ponder where in the feminist org chart a titty-model like Emily Ratajkowski truly belongs, wonder it's a good thing that gender identity changes for young people are now seen as massive accomplishments worthy of celebration and parties, consider how Amal Clooney might carry out her promise to get Jennifer Aniston laid after two years of barren bed times, de-lionize Fyre Festival folklore legend Andy King for merely being a hummer tramp, and end on a happy note, fighting the power that would eliminate the bar sport of dwarf tossing in the State of Washington. Somebody needs to go big for the little people.

As always, I would kindly ask that you donate a shekel or two to our ad-free content cause, via our page on Patreon.com. I'm pretty sure Jesus is using this as a scorecard of your righteousness. Also, we have dick pics.

Warmly,

Lex.

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LMOE #151 - Jussie Smollett Unraveled

Fri, 01 Feb 2019 09:36:26 GMT

We have two cross purpose phenomena in the Jussie Smollett case. First the desire to be early and loudest about an obviously just outrage over a potentially vile and brutal attack on a minority. And second, when holes in that case develop, even if you're the media or legit journalists, mitigate any chances you're seen as second guessing the attack story. Matt and I are under no such pressure to either, as honest men about town with zero desire to be liked. It really is quite liberating.

On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast we dive deep into the Smollett case as it currently stands, discuss the great case of the raping opera singer and his conductor husband, Matt explains why his home state of Alaska is perfect for killing people, we both concur that third party or independent candidates are a net positive, even if lame Starbucks CEOs, we open the floodgates to coming battles between Lesbian and Transgendered, and we dispel any notion that hot supermodels are serving lives of slavery to the patriarchy of societal conditioning. I think that's what we do, I can't honestly remember.

Please enjoy the show and please, with a rent money cherry on top, become a patron of the show on Patreon.com where for a measly buck or two you can become a real sponsor of the arts!

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LMOE #150 - Terry Crews Skins the Flute

Fri, 25 Jan 2019 07:33:19 GMT

You'd think after 150 episodes we'd rise above our sophomoric and juvenile antics and produce something of adult level quality and discourse. You'd think. Score one for consistency.

On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast we wonder aloud why not a single sports commentator is commenting on the ballooning body of Serena Williams, listen politely to Terry Crews play the flute, because of course he does, opine what a wonderful world this would be if all social media sniping and snarking was settled in the ring with fists, or maybe guns, Matt reveals he's come down with Yellow Fever, Leslie Jones bitches about something or other because that's her thing, we make pretend shock face at Bryan Singer underaged twink assault allegations, and we deliver some kind of speech about girls in high school doing rectum wrecking gang bang scenes because the guys are watching to much YouPorn. It's all in a days work. Or two hours approximately, which if you're lazy like us, is a day's work.

Please, for the love of children and puppies, find it in your heart to become a $1.50 sponsor of the show. Your private parts will become larger simply through your generosity. Or smaller if you're a woman or a submissive and that's your wish. We do count on your good vibration to keep the show running.

Enjoy your week, even if the government is shutdown and nobody can get penny stamps at the store.

Lex.

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LMOE #149 - Toxic Masculinity Don't Need No Razors

Fri, 18 Jan 2019 08:42:59 GMT

Here's an idea. Put out a tremendously simpleton and cynical sermon on social morality and when people label it simpleton and cynical, declare their defensiveness to be a certain sign that you were right. How long have you been beating your wife, Mr. Man? It's okay to hate the world. Or at least Gillette and their stamped out safety razors.

On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast we dive man-head first into that moronic and incredibly obvious Gillette "The Best Men Can Be" short film, discuss Mariah Carey's assistant's lawsuit for tit humiliation, Matt and I argue over the racism level of the NFL and how Colin Kaepernick came to be the large-living version of Malcolm X, we talk about the case of the Butch Lesbian suing Chili's for suggesting she dress in women's clothing, and I try to ridicule Matt for his article slamming people who love their dogs too much. I'm not sure how that goes, but I'm giving myself a perfect ten like that midget girl from UCLA on the floor exercises.

Please, please, please don't forget we run advertising free and entirely off of your Patreon sponsor donations, We're like PBS, but with dirty words and more empty malt liquor bottles. Take the time to donate a few shekels and enjoy our current show and epic archives of podcast divinity.

Thanks!

Lex

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LMOE #148 - R. Kelly Sweet Smell of Relief

Fri, 11 Jan 2019 05:37:50 GMT

Today was the day I think we finally said something meaningful. I can't be sure. 147 practice runs and finally, there may be an ounce of wisdom in today's show. It's not as easy being profound as people on Twitter and motivational speaker tapes and Oscars speeches make it out to be. Most people say dumb shit most of the time. And we're above average in the rankings. But today, oh boy oh boy.

On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast, we discuss Democratic party donor and party drug watcher of dead rent boys, Ed Buck, delve into the R. Kelly "he did what?" hypocrisy, opine as to Ashley Graham's theory that having sex makes everything better in relationships, we debate the benefits of separating social media platforms into one for Safe Spacers and one for fully-functional adults, try to figure out who the hell might watch The Masked Singer, and end with Matt's weird insistence that all doctors are freaky creepy perverts. All in a day's work.

We ask that you kindly donate a dollar or a buck-fifty, literally, to our Patreon funding page which is the sole source of support for the show. It helps pay for the coffee (beer) and talking sticks (microphones). It's the cheapest entertainment in town.

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LMOE #147 - Rambling Into 2019 with Louis C.K.

Thu, 03 Jan 2019 09:25:22 GMT

If this were a Friends episode, it would be called The One Where Lex and Matt ramble on because it's the New Year and also drinking beer. Though we'd have to shorten that for the TV Guide recap. Also, you'd have to have a laugh track to tell you which parts are the jokes. Nevertheless, in our first week back in 2019, we have a ton to say and it needs to be heard. Maybe not needs, but ought, or maybe highly suggested. 2019 is shaping up to be filled with even more cynical dumb shit from dumb people than 2018. As ever, we remain on watch.

In this week's Last Men on Earth podcast we delve deep into Tiffany Haddish's idiotic comment about wearing fur until cops stop killing black people, wonder if Louis C.K. and his Parkland jokes are nearly as bad as the outrage mongers who look them up to force others to hear them and be equally outraged, question the intersectionality credentials of the new Rose Parade queen, watch the Women's March cancel themselves for lack of intersectionality, and wonder what will become of the next Rose McGowan's payday now that California has outlawed NDAs in sexual harassment settlements. Go Truth!

If you dig our show or just want to support the commercial free arts and artists or whatever we are, please become a patron of the Last Men on Earth podcast on Patreon. We could use your support, and your soul will finally heal fully.

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LMOE #146 - SMILF GILF and Merry Fucking Christmas

Thu, 20 Dec 2018 06:24:54 GMT

Before we get to our predictions for the coming year, Matt and I rounded out 2018 by dealing with some of the more profound issues facing our world. Dicks in thongs, Pete Davidson's cries for help that ought remain unanswered, feminists in Hollywood being equally as horrible a fat gross male predators in Hollywood, and some sinister shit Taylor Swift pulled off to endanger the privacy of every living person on this planet. Also, there's a moment when I cry on behalf of Ukrainian preteens who are no longer being shuttled off to Paris to be sexually exploited by men named Guy because the Jenners have taken all the modeling gigs in the world. This may be our motion emotionally arousing episode ever. It's our longest. I can't believe this shit is free.

Speaking of, as a gift to us for Christmas, don't forget to pay your buck a month and become a patron/benefactor/dirty john of the show. It not only pays for our beer each week, it allows us to purchase beers for the tween Syrian refugees who help run the show.

See you all in 2019!

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LMOE #145 - Mouncey Trouncey Women's Handball

Fri, 14 Dec 2018 10:33:32 GMT

If you don't pay attention, changes in the world can pass you by without ever even noticing them. Though you're likely to notice the 6'2", 220 pound frame of Men's Handball Champ turned Women's Handball Champ, Hannah Mouncey, as she barrels through female-born opponents like a hot, big-ass cleaver through butter. Awaiting feminist response as to what to do about the brutes turned dames quickly gobbling up women's sports.

In addition to the Mouncey Trouncey factor, on this week's Last Men on Earth podcast we select our LMOE Persons of the Year, kind of sort of defend Kevin Hart while pointing out rampant anti-gay material in black comics material, discuss Amy Schumer's latest nauseating attempt to seem common and connected to regular people, and figure out that Harvey Weinstein is likely to get off on every single sex-charge he's facing due to the quid pro quo nature of his relationships with every single woman he she-banged or bathed in front of. It's a lot to process, but we have a second grade reading level, so it all evens out.

Don't forget to support our righteous cause, our anti-deplatforming dreams, and donate a buck or two to the Last Men on Earth podcast on Patreon.com. It helps us be that much more high when we talk to you.

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LMOE #144- Natalie Portman Denounces Jessica Simpson's Boobs

Fri, 07 Dec 2018 06:13:24 GMT

The term patriarchy now seems entirely invented by feminists to pretend it's men, not women, who are tearing down women. You know how men love to judge, gossip, and snipe about how women look or act or parent. Those patriarchal men can't help but be catty. While women want nothing more than to support each other in a female driven Utopia. That's the dream. If you can dream it. Or the lie, if you like the truth.

On this week's Last Men on Earth Podcast, we explore how Natalie Portman bikini-boob shaming Jessica Simpson for her teen bikini music videos in the 1990's is a prime example of women can never truly unify, discuss the cupcakes at Columbia University who turned the mic off on comedian Nimesh Patel because he told a racy joke, Matt reveal how his deep detective work into Rain Dove's gender attack claim led him to going on a mini-golf date with the androgynous sort of model, and we wonder why the NFL and football fans make a big deal about the dudes caught on video beating up their ladies, while not particularly caring much for all the dudes doing the same not caught on video. You gotta love football. That's not ironic.

In our Patreon subscriber bonus segment this week, we get into porn. More specifically, how Tumblr is now removing porn from its site which is basically a porn site because nobody can have fun anymore on the official advertiser friendly Internet. And that sucks. Not that you can't still find amazing porn online, but that you can't run an ad-based business online that isn't G-rated and PC to the hilt.

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LMOE #143 - Who's Your Tranny?

Thu, 29 Nov 2018 22:21:10 GMT

This week's show as usual was dedicated to the outrage of the offended and the offenders as arbitrarily decided in this world by who shouts the loudest. Sometimes, you need to speak truth to power. Other times, you need to kick truth in the nuts to wake it up and remind all the ninnies and nincompoops that they're essentially liars with bullhorns and friendly news networks.

On this week's Last Men on Earth Podcast, we delve into the non-science of gender fluidity and how one high school in a trendy area of England now has dozens and dozens of young teens reporting they're transgender, conquer the mystery of Teskahi69 and his intellectual intricacies, wonder what Lena Dunham's ovaries smell like -- probably cat good, Matt goes off on a beta male-she-beast couple in a Black Friday TV ad for GMC trucks, we both kind of agree we wanted the Christian missionary to die by arrows on that Indian Ocean island, and how can we not applaud Ellen Pompeo for asking all privileged Caucasians to stand up for non-Caucasians on movie sets? That's rhetorical. You can't not applaud.

In this week's Patreon members bonus section, we discuss the inherent plight of Jordan Rodgers in publicly calling out his far more successful and stoic older brother, Aaron Rodgers. Is it even possible for the younger, loser brother to ever win these public battles?

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LMOE #142 - Amazon Tease Fest and GQ Panty Waists

Thu, 15 Nov 2018 09:36:45 GMT

The world has turned upside down and all the Chinese people have fallen off. It's our job to fix what is rotten on this planet with semi-literate commentary on the week's events. It doesn't pay well, and there is no paternity leave, but everybody here speaks English and can take a dick joke. So there's that.

On this week's Last Men on Earth Podcast, we delve deep into the deep throating done by major cities to attract Jeff Bezos to their metro portals, mock GQ magazine for selecting Serena Williams as their sweet biceps of the year, talk a lot about this enormous chick in England who's breastfeeding her daughter at age nine, kind of defend Kim and Kanye for their private firefighting mercenaries, lament how sophisticated sexual assault coaches have become in shaping the testimony of both real and false rape accusers, surmise reasons why the field in Mexico City wasn't ready for this weekend's mega NFL abroad game, and say a bunch of other incredibly inane things that once in a while make sense. Somebody's got to speak truth to power.

And in our bonus segment for Patreon members, we slide into the thongs of Victoria's Secret models and defend the slave-labor fueled mega-panties company for refusing to allow transgendered females and BBW's walk in their annual show. We're probably dead already, at least on the inside.

Sally Forth.

Lex.

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LMOE #141 - #IAmSexist

Thu, 08 Nov 2018 16:31:57 GMT

The entire premise of this little 100,000,000 audience strong Last Men on Earth podcast is that men are under siege in these times of feminist planet hijackings. As if women can fly. Just kidding. No I'm not. Make this stop. When we began the show a few years ago, it was mostly that. Never did we foresee that it would be a massive rise in soy males apologizing on behalf of their gender that would be dealing the fatal blow. Never underestimate the power of random people to disappoint you.

On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast, we dissect a NY Times essay by a man calling for all men to admit their sexists jerks by nature, question whether or not Ellen should keep writing fat fantasy checks to people she's told have a year left to live, mostly laugh again at WNBA players comparing themselves to NBA players, wonder exactly what the drug dosage threshold is before a celebrity death from crank will be ruled something other than an accident, and delve into the dispute between Rebel Wilson and Black Twitter and how it might be all solved with coupons to the Golden Corral. That's sexist and fat shaming merged into one yummy bite.

In our Panties in a Bunch bonus segment for Patreon members, we cover the 0-fer record of celebrity endorsements and apocalyptic promotions in this past week's Midterm Elections. Oh, but they are losers in both the figurative and literal sense.

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LMOE #140 - Sarah Silverman Comes Up Spunky

Fri, 26 Oct 2018 09:50:33 GMT

Moral outrage is directly proportional to the general number of skeletons in one's closet. Normal people good with their soul compass don't feel a need to lecture others on right and wrong. People who used to giggle and clap while Louis C.K. tugged one out on the living room couch tend to cover with lots of #MeToo tweets. It's human nature. You can't fight nature.

On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast we cover Sarah Silverman's unappetizing reveal that she used to be Louis C.K.'s consensual fluff from across the room friend, debate how fair it is to label Kobe Bryant a sex offender despite never being convicted of any crimes, dive deep into tranny transgenders and their battle to be seen as women under Title IX, anoint Amy Schumer's turning down Super Bowl ads she never received as the worst of slacktavism, and wonder why it's coincidentally always bubble blonde waitresses who receive those mega tips for no good reason. Basically, everything you need to know to be informed around the water cooler at work and shortly thereafter, fired.

And in our Patreon signer uppers Bonus Content segment this week, we explore how the PC police are trying to ruin the perfectly slutty, drunk adult party holiday of Halloween. Don't take away our hot nurses, por favor.

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LMOE #139 - Liz Warren Go Whoop Whoop

Thu, 18 Oct 2018 07:36:52 GMT

Pro Tip of the Day: no matter how much you love your rub and tug masseuse, continue to use your fake name. This comes to us from a guy who just woke up in Bangkok with a rip-roaring headache and only one kidney.

On this week's Last Men on Earth Podcast, Matt and I delve into Elizabeth Warren's Cherokee genes, support the trans power bottom suing the shit out of the Shitty Men in Media google doc list publisher, wonder how long until SNL drops the hammer on charity case Pete Davidson, work through the pathology of Aaron Hernandez and his locker room free-balling, and initiate a new segment: This Week in Crazy White Privileged Chicks. It's offensive, but also crude.

For those of you who feel like making Jesus and the Karmic gods look upon you kindly, be sure to visit our Patreon account and spend $1 (or more) becoming a LMOE subscriber. We are a public good. And you are the kind of person who feels guilty. We're counting on it.

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LMOE #138 - White Chicks Are Crazy Angry

Wed, 10 Oct 2018 07:24:57 GMT

This is no time for White Males to stand up and be counted. The stanzas of simplistic chants directed at your patriarchal domineering alone are enough to make you want to build a rocket ship and aim toward a new sun. Nevertheless, Matt and I, the two whitest males in the history of alabaster masculinity remain determined to fight the tide. Not for a noble purpose so much as we drank too much and can't find the door. I like beer.

On this week's prophetic podcast, we delve deep into the radically enraged minds of college educated white women who are stomping around the planet like elephants in musth, which is bullishly ironic, we tackle the issue of false allegations prevalent in sexual assault cases and how Believe Her basically means more innocent black men will be fucked, Matt for some reason feels a need to call all Eagles music fans simpleton assholes, and then we dream of ways to kill hipsters on Bird motorized scooters in coastal towns. It's all fun, except for the murder part, we're serious about that part.

In this week's Patreon members Bonus Segment, we plummet into the protesting cleavage of Emily Ratajkowski and try to make some salient points while mostly skimming through her Best Of photos on Google. Safe Search definitely off.

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LMOE #137 - Ronaldo Steals Stink, Lindsay Lohan Arabic Kidnappings

Thu, 04 Oct 2018 08:42:56 GMT

It's easy to assume the world is going crazy, because it is. Not in that slow, stepped way either. Nope, like overnight, that woman you knew as the helpful town pharmacist for 40 years is on the roof spraying bullets to stop the alien invasion. In that analogy, the world is the chunky lady with the AK-47. I'm not sure what the aliens are.

On this week's podcast, we delve into what's ailing this world, like the new California law forcing companies to put a quota of women on Boards, you know, to make up for slavery. Also, Cristiano Ronaldo Vegas anal rape allegations, Lady Gaga's self-harming fan base harming the movie Venom, Lindsay Lohan speaking in a caricature Arabic voice trying to steal Syrian refugee children off the streets of Moscow and being punched, and Christian Bale in his latest and greatest fat-guy method role, as Dick Cheney in a movie you can't figure anybody actually goes to see in the theaters.

And in our epic Bonus Segment for Patreon Patrons, we get down and dirty into J.K. Rowling, faux diversity in Harry Potter, and why it's okay to pick Asian women like Claudia Kim to play the pet snakes. It just is. But you have to listen.

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LMOE #136 - Cosby Rape, Kavanaugh Rape Accused, Pete Davidson Rape Face

Sat, 29 Sep 2018 02:07:54 GMT

There's simply a ton of raping going on these days. Don't let the stats fool you. Cosby raped a bunch of women's toes and ears. Brett Kavanaugh raped his liver in high school, if not a girl with a very squeaky voice, and Matt raped our toilet here after eating some bad cheap seafood. What ever happened to simply asking nicely for some action and smiling kindly?

On this week's podcast we delve into the Cosby case and conviction, Pete Davidson's apology tour around Ariana Grande's privates, the first female duo NFL game broadcast that nobody heard, Eva Mendes and the onslaught of exhausted rich Hollywood working moms, Suge Knight and his obvious oncoming plan for prison escape, and I talk shit about the Handmaid's Tale and get lost in a patriarchal rape circle. It all makes sense if you only listen.

This week's Panties in a Bunch bonus segment for Patreon members features a frank discussion about the Kavanaugh-Blasey Ford hearing before the bumbling stumbling U.S. Senate. It's a doozy you don't want to miss.

Sincerely,

Lex.

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LMOE #135 - Brett Kavanaugh Raping the 80's

Fri, 21 Sep 2018 09:12:24 GMT

And now you find yourself in '82

The disco hotspots hold no charm for you

Yeah, this was bound to happen. The 36-year old career blocking sort of rape sort of remember high school party unwanted grope alleged of SCOTUS nominee, Brett Kavanaugh. The ensuing imbroglio and media firestorm has pitted the stupidest members of both partisan clans in a rhetorical battle of completely unfounded commentary. It's what our world has become. Or always was. Only now all the assholes have microphones, including Matt and I.

On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast, we delve into Kavanaugh's HS rape paws, wonder why the hell you'd invite Anne Hathaway to your party to apologize for being white, rip on This is Us creator Dan Fogelman for being a white guy claiming white guy critics sabotage his work, fall in love with Malaysian con-man, Jho Low, laugh an ironic laugh at Asia Argento suing the shit out of Rose McGowan, and say something about Jared Leto saying something about the male model gender pay gap. Man, we love to talk.

If you're a sentient human with passion and grace, you'll want to check out our Bonus Segment this week for Patreon members of our show, discussing the celebrity lyme disease near-fatally afflicting Avril Lavgine among other rich and tired young people and models. We pull no punches, despite her horrendous fake disease.

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LMOE #134 - Serena Williams Muscle-Bound Brat

Thu, 13 Sep 2018 21:33:53 GMT

I always joke about how this episode is going into the Smithsonian. None of these episodes are headed for official government or museum archives. But somewhere I like to think Larry Flynt is burying time capsules full of his era's most obscene content and we'll be Saran-wrapped next to Jugs. Dare to dream.

On this week's episode we delve into the Serena Williams bicep bulging U.S. Open meltdown and how nobody in the media is allowed to mock her tantrums, touch on Norm McDonald playing the shit out of the outraged class, discuss censorship in scientific research based on activist group threats, Matt kind of defends the Dine and Dash serial stick-it to female dates guy, we wonder if Miss America pageant could become any more pointless, and try to figure out why Cosby Show actor Geoffrey Owens is suddenly our nation's most worthy charity case. It's a lot, but we talk slowly because we're hardly gifted.

In our Bonus Segment this week for Patreon members, we dive into the Title IX case in Michigan which finally allows guys on campus accused of rape to question the statements of their accusers, because quite impossibly, until now, they weren't allowed to question their accusers. Amazing.

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LMOE #133 - Louis C.K. Untugged

Thu, 30 Aug 2018 18:14:57 GMT

The benefit of a modern digital and omnipresent media is the ability to know the sick and disturbing truths about anyone and anything we once held dear. Wait, I meant, that's the downside. The benefit is free porn. Easy to forget the distinction, even if it is the basis of our little weekly get-together on The Last Men on Earth.

On this week's podcast we definitely and fairly deride John McCain, wonder whether truth matters at all in the making of a modern rape victim singer-songwriter, discuss who might be the arbiter of when #MeToo convicted offenders might be able to come back above ground, discuss the media's overblown reaction to Hawaii's volcano eruption and how they're ruining everything, dare each to visit a sex doll brothel to have a poke at latex A.I., and play America's hottest new game: who's more despicable -- Asia Argento or Rose McGowan? Hint, you can't answer wrongly.

In our bonus segment for Patreon.com members of the show, we delve into Demi Lovato's pill dealer's rather brazen interview about sex and Oxy with Demi on slow nights in the hills. It's sickening. I mean, we are sickening, not a burned out former kid star drug addict and her gold medallion wearing connect getting it on. That's quite beautiful. Check it out.

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LMOE #132 - Asia Argento #SheToo

Thu, 23 Aug 2018 15:51:04 GMT

Of course, certain stories just drop right into your lap like exotic dances on the make. When Asia Argento and her sisters armed with venom at the seedy Hollywood system and its even seedier players, you simply knew shoes would drop in all sorts of directions. Partly based on the fact Harvey Weinstein and his team of Mossad trained information assassins are on a scorched earth policy; and partly because everybody in this business is dirty. Finding sexual indiscretions and hypocrisy in the lives of entertainment industry veteran is like finding gambling in Casablanca. You need only look.

In addition to delving into how Asia Argento probably did push Anthony Bourdain over the bathrobe belt cliff, on this week's podcast Matt and I get into the sad sack that is Terry Crews, Tekashi69's plea to go by his kindly Hispanic birth name while in court, why older guys suddenly feel a need to explain to the world why they like younger women, laugh mostly at PETA's latest animal campaign, talk Kelsey Grammer's new pube slave tattoo, and question exactly what it might take to kill Lamar Odom to the death. It's explicit. But explicit is good.

In our bonus segment this week for Patreon subscribers, we delve into Rosamund Pike's baffling and attempting to be heroic story about refusing to show her body off in casting for a Bond movie. Everybody in town's got a story. And in every story, they are amazing.

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LMOE #131 - Banana Hammocks and Women With Man Hands

Fri, 17 Aug 2018 07:41:53 GMT

I never thought this little podcast of ours would become the most profound and thoughtful take on the times we live in. And I was right. Not even close. However, if you listen regularly, and without falling into a fentanyl coma, you will learn a thing or two. Like Mister Rogers with swear words, or just Mister Rogers when the cameras were off.

On this week's show, Matt and I get into the Speedo activist at the Encore Beach Club in Vegas, decry racism in the rather varied response to drug users of different colors in Los Angeles, call out airlines for extorting cash for your basic needs, Matt explains why nurses don't belong in porn clips, we both laugh at the backlash over the Oscars honoring films audiences actually pay to watch, and give some kind of big-hands trophy to the first tranny gubernatorial candidate in Vermont.

Be sure to avidly consume our BONUS CONTENT ON PATREON this week wherein we delve into lesbian Batwoman and the backlash against Ruby Rose, my worst airplane seat mate ever.

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LMOE #130 - Roger Ailes Is Dead and Fat and In a Movie

Thu, 02 Aug 2018 02:09:47 GMT

There are days I don't want to get out of bed. But not podcast show days. Those are the times I raise myself by sheer force of will and find the strength to share the truth with the world. Also, cocaine mixed with Maxwell House. More the latter really. Everybody must do their part.

Check out this week's Patreon Exclusive Bonus Content for rather sensitive information about Melania Trump's hooking.

On this week's episode of Last Men on Earth, Matt and I question the logic of letting everybody pick their own genders based on discounted car insurance rates, agree that sexual consent apps are huge boner killers, debate which muscle group in particular gives away Serena William's equine steroid doping protocols the most, Matt explains how Demi Lovato might be faking her own near-death, we wonder aloud as all of Hollywood's A-list clamors to be in the new movie about dead fat Roger Ailes and Fox News, and we both say something mean about Kim Kardashian.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

LMOE #129 - Straight White Men, The Male Bashing Musical

Thu, 26 Jul 2018 01:16:19 GMT

Being a straight white male comes with tremendous privileges. The secret clubs come to mind where we hand each other the keys to the kingdom and recommit ourselves to denying access to all others. Not all that secret; we meet in the back of Carrows every other Tuesday, codename: Kiwanis. With all of this privilege, it's about the disenfranchised people who produce Broadway shows bring to the stage, Straight White Men, a satirical takedown of all this privilege. Matt and I just ordered our tickets. Or did we merely snap our fingers and make them appear? This shit is sinister.

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On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast we delve into Straight White Men, the Broadway show, and wonder whether it's truly a Beta male bubble phenomenon or something worth concerning real people, we take a crack at being the only people who care about Demi Lovato, defend the right of unemployed actresses to raise money on Kickstarter to start a female only podcast network free of "creeps", Matt offers suggestions to make Big 3 Basketball even more baller, we contemplate the Tekashi69 origin story, and make fun of the Bronfman heiresses for being part of the Keith Raniere sex cult. I feel this could be the episode that gets put in the Smithsonian.

Additionally, for our Patreon most-awesome members, we have Bonus Content featuring a dark and darker discussion of the likes of Dan Harmon's humping-a-baby video and James Gunn's pedo-rape Tweets and how to reconcile those in your hearts and minds. It's disturbing, but we go there. Oh, we go there.

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LMOE #128 - Gay Conversion Sleep-away Camp

Thu, 19 Jul 2018 03:15:31 GMT

Sometimes I wonder if two half-breeds with poor work habits can actually save this gaseous spinning orb. Then I remember that's the precise winning character formula of every space opera ever. So Matt and I persist. Not because we must, but because we long ago forgot where the door is.

On this week's Last Men on Earth Podcast, we wade hip deep into the latest bit of Sacha Baron Cohen shtick exposing how stupid old white people are pretty much stupid, old, and white, consider the fact that gay conversion camp films like Boy Erased are made for Oscar consideration, not narrative quality, wonder why a Chinese-American director decided only he can tell the Thai cave boy story, laugh even more at Terry Crews for MeTooing himself onto the Asia Argento support letter fo the Times, and consider the mathematics behind transgender activists insistent than only transgender actors can portray transgender characters in movies and TV. I think we talk for like four beers.

Also, bonus content for our Patreon fans, Panties in a Bunch, wherein we talk about the slippery slope danger of felony hate crimes being attached to all these drunk old topless racist curmudgeons in the park. For whom the bell tolls, and all that line of thinking. Be sure to listen. This will be on the quiz.

If you like us, or hate us, but so much so that it circles back to like, subscribe and write us a quick review on iTunes. It's what Babe Ruth would be doing if he were alive today. After whoring.

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LMOE #127 - Sexual Mummification

Thu, 05 Jul 2018 06:48:03 GMT

Neither the rockets red glare nor the illegal Mexi-fireworks bursting in air could sway Matt and I from our appointed recording rounds to knock out LMOE #127. America! You're far from perfect, but you're still the girl at the dance everybody wants to feel up.

On this week's podcast we delve into the sexual mummification death of a UCLA gay studies professor in the dungeon of a William Morris executive, laugh again at Terry Crews for his tears-of-an-oversized-clown routine before Congress, analyzed Amber Heard's call for her rich friends to protect their illegal servants from ICE, tranny-backed Scarlett Johansson, and gagged a bit discussing Mama June in her new lingerie spread.

For our fans on Patreon, there is bonus content, Panties in a Bunch: Why Are Privileged White Women So Fucking Angry? We break down the chaos and depression of white chicks with credit cards. Very feminist in our thinking, I assure you.

Be sure to subscribe to our show for free on iTunes, leave a comment, would that really kill you?

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LMOE #126 - The Chrissy Teigen Breast Pump Dump

Thu, 21 Jun 2018 02:54:41 GMT

My grandmother once told me, there's a reason they don't have boxing in the Special Olympics. She left it at that. It took me nearly two decades to figure out what she meant. And no, I'm not telling you. You've got nineteen years to beat me.

On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast, Matt fights through a raging case of cerebral herpes as we discuss CHRISSY TEIGEN breasts as dutiful mother and attention whore, SUGE KNIGHT denied request for an obvious escape attempt, laugh at KAT VON D for being a vegan anti-vaxxer tattoo artist, wonder aloud if that dude from Riverdale who wrote fat jokes about chicks on Twitter back in 2012 will ever work again, discuss the type of guy who never carries cash, and wonder if Russian Burger King doesn't have the right idea urging their native ladies to ingest the semen of World Cup stars from around the world.

And in our Panties in a Bunch bonus segment this week, EXCLUSIVELY FOR OUR PATREON SUBSCRIBERS, I provide an explanation of the creepy email CHRIS HARDWICK sent me while dating CHLOE DYKSTRA, though also why I don't think being creepy ought to cost you your job.

Join us if you will on Facebook, Twitter, or iTunes.

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LMOE #125 - Gender Studies Breach

Thu, 14 Jun 2018 18:56:20 GMT

June is Offensive Podcast Appreciation month, I'm fairly sure, need to look that up. Matt and I were determined to add some nuggets of wisdom and truth to our crap salad of words this week in honor of the celebration. Did we succeed? Probably not. I think we need a life coach.

On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast we ventured into the musings of Gender Studies deep thinker Suzanna Danuta Walters, she's one of the best, agreed that we'd hang ourselves with a bathrobe belt if Rose McGowan pulled all-nighter rants in our living room, defended Jamie Foxx's penis, outed Rotten Tomatoes for their gender bump, questioned how you'd know if an unemployed young actress in Hollywood was in a sex cult or merely a waitress, and Matt sort of agreed finally that Kanye West is a rap marketing genius.

We're also now recording a segment of Panties in a Bunch just for our Patreon patrons who shell out a buck in the name of humanity. This week's segment: How Gay Pride Month Shafted Black History Month. It's a Must listen if you have half a brain. But no more than that.

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LMOE #124 - Mocha Frappucino With a Shot of Overraction

Thu, 24 May 2018 21:00:00 GMT

Lex and Matt are back to talk about a gay conversion summer camp memoir that's probably automatically going to win Best Picture, Starbucks making themselves look worse by trying to fix their loitering problem, that stupid royal wedding, why Matt feels honest cheap food is better than food that tries to be better than it actually is, Hannah Simone's sexist nonwhite discrimination card against ABC, whether Brian or Rocco's Tavern is more to blame for him dumping half of their pizza on the floor, and Jennifer Aniston plays the first lesbian president on a new Netflix production. Oh, and by the time you read this, our Patreon patrons will have already heard the episode because they support us at http://patreon.com/lastmenonearth. Become a patron today for this and other irresistible benefits!

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LMOE #123 - Feminist Dystopia

Thu, 10 May 2018 19:00:00 GMT

Lex and Matt sneak into Rocco's Tavern when there's no big soccer game on to talk about Amber Rose and Amanda Knox's weird discussion on sexual history and murderous tendencies, DJ Khaled's oral opposition, Johnny Depp's violent drunkenness (and Matt's apology to Amber Heard), Stormy Daniels' undeserved praise, Ashley Graham's "flawless" overweight body, Kevin Hart's friend's sex tape extortion plot, and finally, the utter ridiculousness of The Handmaid's Tale.

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LMOE #122 - Smallville Sex Cult

Wed, 25 Apr 2018 21:05:22 GMT

We discuss Allison Mack's role in Keith Raniere's NXIVM sex cult, how the media ignored a lesbian couple driving six adopted black kids off a cliff, Amy Schumer not being fat enough to be funny, how Shania Twain would have voted in 2016 if she wasn't Canadian, #TimesUp's exclusivity, Charlize Theron's plan to escape American racism by bringing her black babies to South Africa, and Amelia Gray's battle with anorexia and apparent indifference to teen exploitation in celeb culture, all while everyone else at Rocco's Tavern is watching Champions League soccer.

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LMOE #121 - High School Nipple Distraction

Tue, 10 Apr 2018 18:14:04 GMT

The boys probe into the depths of the Internet's reaction to Facebook's data collection and sales policies, and to Apu on The Simpsons for being a racial stereotype (after decades of silence on the issue). And of course there's that Florida high school student who got kicked out of class for going braless, Matt's thoughts on reverse sexism, how sorry Jimmy Kimmel is, and how white women seem to benefit most from "diversity" initiatives. Also, we are now live on Patreon! Get rewarded for your support by becoming a patron here: https://www.patreon.com/lastmenonearth

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LMOE #120 - #Enough About Parkland

Wed, 28 Mar 2018 21:03:54 GMT

Lex and Matt return to Rocco's Tavern for a rousing discussion on Stormy Daniels, the Parkland kids' prolonged media attention (and their lack of acne), the true meaning of Saint Patrick's Day, the NFL player/cheerleader pay gap and unequal treatment, Rotten Tomatoes for women, Vivica A. Fox and 50 Cent openly discussing their sexual exploits, and K-Fed still living off Britney's teat

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LMOE 119 - The Rise of the Beta Males!

Thu, 15 Mar 2018 20:01:21 GMT

Is Hollywood trying to kill the idea of masculinity? Can transsexuals legally force Tinder to make accommodations for their inclusion? Should a fake prince make more than a fake queen? And when did SXSW become a venue for Katie Couric to lead a panel on being Muslim in America? Lex and Matt squeeze in these topics just before Rocco's Tavern gets loud and rowdy for some European soccer game.

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LMOE #118 - Fifty Shades of Seacrest?

Wed, 28 Feb 2018 20:36:56 GMT

Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston are back at it, this week diving into Texas' transsexual state wrestling champion, an African woman-only commune called Umoja, Funny Or Die taking the easy, safe route for comedy in a departure from their origin, Ryan Seacrest and his hairdresser's spanking allegations, NBC's "Good Girls" and the thousands of women-can-do-men-stuff-too TV shows to come, and finally, of course, stats surrounding school shootings.

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LMOE #117 - The Shitholing of Africa

Wed, 14 Feb 2018 21:19:54 GMT

Princeton students walk out of a class after the professor teaches about hate speech...during a class on hate speech. Sharpie messages on Sports Illustrated's #MeToo Swimsuit models. "Black Panther" is totally not from a shithole country. People knew about Harvey Weinstein but kept on working. Lex and Matt grapple with these issues, plus Rose McGowan is demanding attention and the Hollywood gender pay gap continues spitting in the face of economics.

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LMOE #116 - Get your ass off the plane, Jen Selter!

Wed, 31 Jan 2018 17:24:49 GMT

Lex and Matt descend on Rocco's Tavern once again to discuss how Nicole Eggert changes her story about Scott Baio's alleged sexual misconduct from 30 years ago, sports and stage parents shoulder zero blame for their kids being sexually abused (like USA Gymnastics), Vanity Fair whitewashes the Oscars of James Franco, Woody Allen and all his weird shit, Instagram ass model Jen Selter's incident with an American Airlines flight crew, and how Kim Kardashian's mind and body are holding up after someone else had her baby.

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LMOE 115 - Iceland Solves the Gender Pay Gap!

Fri, 05 Jan 2018 20:22:32 GMT

We kick off 2018 chatting about CNN's big gay New Year's Eve party, Terry Crews' backfiring male #MeToo lawsuit, some guy suing Iliza Shlesinger for her girls only comedy night, Iceland's solution to unequal pay, F1 driver Lewis Hamilton's thoughts on his nephew's wardrobe choices, the new name for Hollywood's new anti-sexual harassment coalition and its fundraising, and Logan Paul's Suicide Forest video.

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LMOE #114 - #ESPNtoo

Wed, 20 Dec 2017 22:55:39 GMT

We wrap up this crazy year with ESPN's John Skipper departing the network due to substance abuse, and how they released the John Buccigross/Adrienne Lawrence texts, Anita Hill's new CASHEW gig, SI swimsuit model Paulina Porzikova on sexual harassment as a compliment, Hollywood celebrities jumping the gun on hot button social issues, Morgan Spurlock pre-confessing his sins, and finally Amanda Knox's new TV show about gender bias toward women on trial.

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LMOE #113 - Sarah Silverman's Flag Freakout

Wed, 13 Dec 2017 20:20:23 GMT

Journalist Ryan Lizza gets fired from The New Yorker for something unexplained but definitely not work-related. Mei Rui, "cancer researcher and pianist" kicked off Spirit Airlines plane for breastfeeding, films the ordeal. Lex and Matt dive deep into these topics as well as Paz de la Huerta's rape case that isn't going well, Sarah Silverman freaking out about her boyfriend purchasing an American flag, Adriana Lima's fully-clothed announcement, Bella Hadid strays from her lane and gets all political and stuff, and Josh Homme of Queens of the Stone Age kicks a photographer in the face mid-set.

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LMOE #112 - UFC Sexism

Wed, 06 Dec 2017 22:06:57 GMT

Angela Magana claims she lost her UFC 218 fight due to a sexist male referee stopping the fight prematurely, MSNBC host takes flak for gay slurs in blog posts about Charlie Crist from a decade ago, Time Magazine's short list for Person of the Year honors, Facebook's COO's warning against the #MeToo movement, and a new edition of the Morrissey Quiz (more sexual harassment victims).

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LMOE #111 - Flakesgiving Week

Wed, 22 Nov 2017 18:12:38 GMT

We were stood up by another guest, but we press on to talk about Lena Dunham defending Murray Miller against teen rape allegations, Al Franken's groping history, Feminists wanting Johnny Depp removed from "Fantastic Beasts," Playboy's new Big Beautiful Playmate, Kevin Spacey and other celebrities in sex rehab, and Matt takes the new Morrisey-themed Victimization Quiz!

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LMOE #110 - Send Nudes to Facebook

Wed, 15 Nov 2017 23:12:19 GMT

Alex Rose Wiesel joins us as well as Lex's friend Mary Kate Gaffney to talk about George H. W. Bush's ass-grabbing allegations, Facebook's cunning plan to fight revenge porn, and the Scale Of Victimization Test, Kim Kardashian's surrogate baby shower, and Matt's take on the plight of the Male half of our species.

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LMOE #109 - We Were Stood Up!

Wed, 08 Nov 2017 20:42:46 GMT

Opportunistic Rose McGowan's "Brave" memoir about the evils of Hollywood, where soon there might be nobody left to produce big projects, especially since the Weinstein scandal revealed how all the big media outlets are in cahoots. Then we have Larry David telling concentration camp jokes on SNL and Taylor Swift being accused of white supremacist complicity, and Lamar Odom takes another fall toward his demise. And even though our guest never showed up, we ponder the intersection of feminism and beauty pageants.

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LMOE #108 - Andy Dick: Licker (with Ali Levine and Amanda Lauren)

Fri, 03 Nov 2017 00:00:22 GMT

Ali and Amanda of the "Things We're Too Lazy To Blog About" podcast join us to talk about Hollywood's skeletons all coming out of the closet (as well as Kevin Spacey). Lex and Matt also tackle Megan Fox comparing herself to Joan of Arc over her Transformers firing, Lindsey Vonn's idea for equality, why Leo DiCaprio gets a pass on banging a steady stream of young models, how stage moms basically sell their kids to prostitution, and Andy Dick's complaints about the unclear differences between flirting and harassment.

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LMOE #107 - Tantra and Weinstein (featuring Préity Üupala)

Wed, 25 Oct 2017 21:00:51 GMT

Préity Üupala joins us to talk about her background in spirituality, her views as a global citizen, and her thoughts on Harvey Weinstein, tantra and Kit Harrington's apology for his comments on sexism. We also talk ESPN's immediate failure of Barstool Van Talk, Nicki Minaj's brother's child rape case, agent Tyler Grasham's big gay young male parties and harrassment, Kate Del Castillo and Sean Penn's comparative assholishness, and Playboy's first transsexual Playmate.

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LMOE #106 - #YouToo? w/ Scar and Irene from "Cholos Try"

Wed, 18 Oct 2017 23:49:26 GMT

Scar and Irene from the "Cholos Try" video series stop by to share their views on the #MeToo campaign and Mayim Bialik's opinion, Colin Kaepernick and active NFL kneelers, and P!nk withholding sex from her husband. Lex and Matt then discuss Halloween's gradual erosion into a costumed slutfest, and James Corden's Harvey Weinstein joke that pissed people off.

http://www.watchable.com/shows/13283-cholos-try

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LMOE 105 - Jerod Zavistoski

Wed, 11 Oct 2017 21:33:45 GMT

We're joined by LA's top dating coach Jerod Zavistosky this week for a rousing roundtable on Harvey Weinstein's harassment, Cam Newton's smugly smiling sexist reply to a female sports reporter, how a TSA agent asked out Brie Larson, Amber Rose complaining of being degraded as a "former stripper" (after forming her namesake SlutWalk), and finally ESPN and Jemele Hill.

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LMOE #104 - Beth Bowen and the Boys

Fri, 06 Oct 2017 01:09:57 GMT

Beth Bowen of Bravo's "There Goes the Motherhood" brings a refreshing female perspective to the show, as Lex and Matt also talk about Tiffany Trump and when not to take a selfie, college basketball corruption, the "semen flute" guy, Dan Bilzerian live streams himself fleeing from the Vegas massacre, and why nobody in Hollywood is screaming about Roman Polanski's kid rape

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LMOE #103 - Dick Simmons

Thu, 28 Sep 2017 17:40:04 GMT

Richard Simmons loses in his slander suit against the Enquirer, NFL players kneel for...why, again? Hurricane Maria absolutely destroys Melissa Joan Hart's vacation, the media reports on Trump instead of more objectively important and newsworthy topics, underage hot chicks, and...reproductive coercion?

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LMOE #102 - Ariel Winter's Tits

Tue, 19 Sep 2017 23:39:01 GMT

Lex and Matt are back to talk about the death of Rolling Stone and what it means for legacy media and rock n' roll, and then they get into Tom Cruise's Scientological and parental problems, Scottie Nell Hughes further clouding the definition of rape, Ed Skerin turning down his Hellboy role so an Asian (but still not Japanese) actor can have the role, Ariel Winter's tits and her stage mom's role in exploiting them, and Jaime King's thoughts on body positivity equality

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LMOE #101 - Ted Cruz Likes Porn

Wed, 13 Sep 2017 19:44:04 GMT

Hollywood is going all out for social justice films and TV, plus a Ruth Bader Ginsburg biopic, Fashion Week tries to be something it simply can't be, Matt hates people who ignore the bigger picture surrounding the gender pay gap, Priyanka Chopra gets all feministy, Ted Cruz's Senate Twitter account likes a porn video, and ESPN turns a Monday Night Football broadcast into amateur hour.

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LMOE #100 - Hey Mickey, You're So Unattractive

Thu, 07 Sep 2017 19:48:21 GMT

For our 100th episode, Lex and Matt are back at Rocco's Tavern in Studio City to discuss Toni Basil's struggles as a one-annoying-hit-wonder, L'Oreal's transsexual former model's racist rant, Kate Middleton's royal tits, the stupid all-female Lord of the Flies remake, Cholo appropriation by the Jenners, Disqus's new "toxic comment" filtration/echo chamber accomodations, and the gayest pizza Brian as ever ordered.

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LMOE #99 - Vagina Rejuvenation

Wed, 30 Aug 2017 22:43:52 GMT

Lex and Matt are back at Rocco's Tavern to discuss Colin Kaepernick's protestors, James Cameron's opinion on Wonder Woman, Amazon and Whole Foods, Matt's thoughts on why humanity is utterly doomed, Burning Man, and Farrah Avraham's vagina rejuvenation.

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LMOE #98 - Dicks

Fri, 25 Aug 2017 03:43:49 GMT

Joss Whedon's ex-wife says he's a serial young-actress-fucking dick, ESPN re-assigns an Asian football commentator due to concerns about dicks on social media, R. Kelly and his dick get away with everything, Mark Wahlberg's pay gap versus dickless movie stars, and an attempt to talk about Tiger Woods' dick pic ends up being more of a conversation on dicks in general.

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LMOE #97 - ESPN Fantasy Slave Auction?

Thu, 17 Aug 2017 21:34:36 GMT

We have a rare repeat guest, as Jessica Winther joins Lex and Matt to discuss how some people were uncomfortable with ESPN's Fantasy Football auction, Taylor Swift's ass grab lawsuit victory, erectile dysfunction among young males due to porn. We also touch on Chelsea Manning covering Vogue, Cindy Crawford's kids, and Matt's thoughts on Christina El Moussa receiving alimony from her ex.

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LMOE #96 - More Usher Herpes Victims, featuring Jessica Winther (...our guest, not a victim)

Thu, 10 Aug 2017 22:46:44 GMT

Should one actually need to contract an STD in order to sue someone else for not disclosing that they were infected before nailing you? Lex and Matt are joined by special guest Jessica Winther to debate this as well as James Damore fired for failing to Googlethink, British boob model Chloe Ayley's totally fake Italian sex trafficking abduction, Sinead O'Connor acting out for attention again, Serena Williams' beta baby daddy, and Sophie Turner of "Game of Thrones" on casting by follower count versus acting talent.

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LMOE #95 - Dio's Hologram Live (?) On Tour

Wed, 02 Aug 2017 18:53:02 GMT

Ronnie James Dio gets the hologram treatment so other living people can profit, Lil Duval defends his post-transsexual sex violence threats, Matt Explains Debbie Wasserman-Schultz's greasy-ass Jheri Curl, George Clooney is the latest victim of paparazzi feeding middle-age women's cravings to see other people's babies, Lady Gaga's involvement in the Dr. Luke/Kesha likely fake rape case, and Blake Lively's blatant sexism

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LMOE #94 - Usher's 20 Million Dollar Herpes

Wed, 26 Jul 2017 19:26:15 GMT

Amber Rose says all Kanye West ever gave him was fame (AKA the only thing she has?), the lady who got herpes from Usher wants $20 million from him, Liev Schreiber takes his son to Comic-Con dressed as Harley Quinn, MTV gets rid of VMA gender categories, ESPN seems to want out of the sports writing industry, and "Confederate" - the new series from the makers of Game of Thrones

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LMOE #93 - R. Kelly's Sex Cult

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 20:59:35 GMT

R. Kelly claims he's not holding young women against their will in exchange for furthering their music careers, Disney's live-action Aladdin production, Matt laments how award shows have become little more than celebrating survivors of rape stories that may or may not have actually happened, Ariel Winter gets body shamed online, Matt tries out a new segment about how Award shows are now just rape story circle jerks, an update on Mattress Girl and Columbia University, and Caitlyn Jenner attacks Jimmy Kimmel

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LMOE #92 - Emily Ratajkowski's Tits

Thu, 06 Jul 2017 19:54:59 GMT

Emily Ratajkowski says her voluptuous breasts are holding her back in Hollywood, Disney puts the PC back in Pirates of the Caribbean, Matt discusses the potential problems regarding a Canadian transsexual father raising his child genderless, how Jay Z's rhymes seem to have softened a bit, shit escalating between Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna, and Corinne Olympios drops her "Bachelor in Paradise" rape allegations.

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LMOE #91 - Serena Williams cannot be serious!

Thu, 29 Jun 2017 20:13:26 GMT

Serena Williams' crazed fans think John McEnroe crossed a line, Shonda Rimes alleges obese-o-phobia, "Fearless Girl" wins an award for its courageous political correctness, Matt apologizes for suggesting that Amber Heard was faking it, Jessica Biel's rich mom "struggles", and apparently the White House used to hold a Ramadan dinner before Trump.

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LMOE #90 - Wonder Woman's Pay Gap?

Wed, 21 Jun 2017 19:25:13 GMT

The Gender Pay Gap manifests itself in Wonder Woman, Harvard rescinds its acceptance of ten students due to racist memes, Carrie Fisher's inevitable toxicology report, Man Bun Ken dolls, Elizabeth Banks thinks Steven Spielberg is sexist, Emily Rossum shares the latest "bikini shaming" horror story, and Bill Cosby's hung...jury

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LMOE #89 - Dennis Rodman - Diplomat?

Wed, 14 Jun 2017 18:47:07 GMT

Lex gives Matt no time to prepare as the two dive face-first into Dennis Rodman's frat boy North Korea diplomacy, Alison Brie's horrifying forced partial-toplessness incident, Katy Perry's needless 72-hour livestream, non-consenting cunnilingus during "Bachelor in Paradise", and another Amber Rose Slut Walk for some reason (okay, it's attention whoring).

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LMOE #88 - Donald Trump's Severed Head

Wed, 31 May 2017 19:54:57 GMT

Lex and Matt are back to Rocco's in Studio City after a week off as they tackle Kathy Griffin's Trump stunt, a sportswriter fired for a tweet about the Japanese Indy 500 winner, Jamie Foxx's high school sex life, Tiger Woods's fade, Rolling Stone calling the Manchester Ariana Grande bombing "misogynistic," how Wonder Woman became an idol among Hollywood women, and Ashley Graham's big, fat segment on Steve Harvey's show before the Fire Marshall shuts us down

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LMOE #87 - Certificate of Facebook Live Birth

Wed, 17 May 2017 16:02:05 GMT

As if mommy bloggers weren't already the most annoying people on social media, one had to up the ante and give birth on Facebook Live. Lex and Matt head back to Rocco's Tavern in Studio City to probe this subject, plus the sudden unpopularity of the name Caitlyn (thanks, Jenner...), Gabourey Sidibe's precious double-shaming allegation, female airplane cup pissings, and Steve Harvey's unexplainable success. Plus, Matt explains the problems inherent in a sports league where everyone's having sex with one another (okay...the WNBA), and Lex talks with his gender fluid child about why his panties are in a bunch this week.

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LMOE #86 - Presenting "Exhibit D" to the Jury

Thu, 11 May 2017 19:50:30 GMT

Can a Florida man prove his innocence by whipping out his cock? If nobody cares about your public breastfeeding, are you really a hero? And did you hear about that shark attack on a porn star? Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston have a rousing discussion on these topics as well as Emma Watson's MTV Awards speech, Robert DiNiro ranting about Trump, the crazy shit that goes on at Diddy's house, and George Michael's last boyfriend.

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LMOE #85 - Ashley Graham nude...no, wait, come back!

Thu, 04 May 2017 20:43:38 GMT

Who does V Magazine think the target audience for Ashley Graham's nude photos is? Lex and Matt dive deep into this and Rosie O'Donnell nakedly chasing her teen daughter around with a wine bottle, Mark Zuckerberg's "listening tour," selling murderers' cars, Fox News sexual harassment house-cleaning, the dumbass models blindly promoting the disastrous FyreFest, and Lonzo Ball's dad milking him for all he's worth.

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LMOE #84 - When Tess Holliday says you're fat...

Thu, 27 Apr 2017 19:41:41 GMT

Fat Tess Holliday fat shames her fat Uber driver, Emmanuel Macron married the teacher who raped him and nobody cares, Brie Larson is full of shit, Abigail Breslin keeps talking about rape without evidence, Serena Williams does some weird baby stuff, Caitlyn Jenner's resemblance to Sound Guy Brian's pizza, and Facebook Live murders and social media's implications about society at large. As always, recorded live at Rocco's Tavern in Studio City.

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LMOE #83 - Jenner's Jettisoned Junk

Thu, 13 Apr 2017 01:32:47 GMT

Caitlin Jenner finally has "the surgery," Abigail Breslin opens up on social media about date rape in lieu of the legal system, Melania Trump is legally not a prostitute, Clay Adler joins the ranks of now-dead ex-MTV reality show stars, Matt explains overrated people and things in his new segment, Lex's panties are in a bunch about David Schwimmer, and of course, United Airlines out-does Pepsi

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LMOE #82 - Non-Denominational Egg Hunts?

Thu, 06 Apr 2017 19:09:56 GMT

Sound guy Brian somehow didn't save last week's amazing episode, but he's back and sober enough to remember to hit "save" at the correct time as Lex and Matt discuss that outrage-inducing Pepsi ad with Kendall Jenner, Lena Dunham losing weight and therefore selling out, why David Spade gets so much tail, Rupert Sanders claiming his artistic inspiration came from nailing Kristen Stewart and wrecking his marriage, how Pam Anderson and Julian Assange are definitely still fucking, Brits dropping "Easter" from the name of their egg hunt, and that Funny Or Die video about why men should pay for pap smears or some damn thing.

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LMOE #81 - Russian Raccoon Rentals?

Thu, 23 Mar 2017 19:23:23 GMT

Lex and Matt descend upon Rocco's Tavern in Studio City to hammer the week's most pressing topics: Kesha losing in court again instead of making good music, Scott Disick's sex addiction, how funny Chelsea Handler is, the marital and ethical strains caused by your wife fucking a middle schooler, a women-only table read of "Juno," Alejandra Campoverdi's Maxim photos and fake Streisand Effect attention bait, and...yeah, people are actually paying to rent raccoons in Russia.

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LMOE #80 - Pam! Right In the Assange

Wed, 15 Mar 2017 19:32:54 GMT

Lex and Matt discuss Justin Bieber being a dick to his fans like we all wish we could do, Snoop Dogg's fake shooting of a fake Trump, Mama June's hotness, the Texas masturbation protest bill, Pamela's Anderson's...well, technically it's poetry, for Julian Assange, and that Wall Street yuppie humping the statue of a little girl staring down the statue of a bull, prompting a discussion on rodeos in which our resident Wyomingite and sound engineer Brian wishes he thought of the pun "Dancing With the Steers" before typing this just now.

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LMOE #79 - A Podcast Without a Woman

Wed, 08 Mar 2017 19:17:01 GMT

It's the day of the Day Without a Woman protest, or strike, or walk-out, or whatever. Lex and Matt are back at Rocco's Tavern to explore this, Beauty and the Bestiality, why Snapchat is worth so damn much money, Harrison Ford somehow still having a pilot license, fat models, and when celebrities die of "natural causes"

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LMOE #78 - PricewaterhouseBloopers

Wed, 01 Mar 2017 07:33:27 GMT

Never mind that Best Picture fuck-up at the Oscars, what's with them bringing a three-strike felon on stage? Matt joins Lex and his gender-neutral child, Bobby, at Rocco's Tavern in Studio City for a deep discussion on this and Emma Watson's "Beauty and the Beast" feminist revision, ABC's "When We Rise" miniseries on gay rights, that cheating HuffPo blogging marathoner, intentional fatness for body positivity, and more transexual toilet talk.

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LMOE #77 - Playboy Remembers Their Roots

Fri, 17 Feb 2017 21:27:20 GMT

Are we supposed to pretend like that year-long stint of titless Playboy never happened? Lex and Matt are joined by radio personality Jake Dill at Rocco's Tavern to discuss this as well as Beyonce's lack of musical talent, a bigger, fatter, "more inclusive" SI Swimsuit Issue, Canada's ban on underage-looking sex dolls, how Emily Ratajkowski is the hottest annoying chick out there, the Day Without an Immigrant protest, fashion show bitchiness, and horrible people they secretly admire.

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LMOE #76 - A Podcast Without a Woman

Fri, 10 Feb 2017 06:56:45 GMT

Women are mad as hell and they're gonna...well, do nothing, someday... Lex and Matt are back at Rocco's Tavern to make fun of this, as well as Lady Gaga's fake body shaming, lame Super Bowl commercials, "Dear White People" on Netflix, how the Duggars keep popping out babies, the struggle of being Madonna's kid, and Matt explains how super rich guys like Johnny Depp can actually be broke asses.

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LMOE #75 - Don't Fight With Crazy

Fri, 03 Feb 2017 06:24:19 GMT

Lex and Matt are back at Rocco's Tavern to talk about Matt Barnes and Derek Fischer's hate-fest, the British Medical Association claiming it's discriminatory against trans and intersex people to say pregnancy is "a woman thing," crazy Azealia Banks fighting with Rihanna, Kesha's steady flow of Dr. Luke rape allegations, NFL Super Bowl ad censorship, and how fucked the Grammys are.

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LMOE #74 - Homeschool Shooter!

Fri, 27 Jan 2017 16:30:39 GMT

Some mom in Utah will be doing time for doing high schoolers, Shia LeBeouf's crazy performance art political protest something-or-other, Matt's lesson to us all on the meaning of intersex, Malia Obama's internship, an SNL writer's joke about Donald Trump's son Barron that led to suspension and outrage, and #OscarsSoNoticeablyLessWhite

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LMOE #73 - Another All-Female Movie Remake?

Fri, 20 Jan 2017 07:59:17 GMT

Ocean's Eight is the latest installment in the all-female cast movie remake trend, Holly Sonders becomes golf's Anna Kournikova, Matt explains why the future is going to suck, Joss Whedon's violent anti-Republican fantasies, possibly the pussiest GoFundMe campaign yet, and then a cheerful discussion about Microsoft's anti-porn employees and their psychological trauma after watching tons of bestiality and torture videos. Just another Thursday at Rocco's Tavern with Lex, Matt, and Brian's colorful drink selection.

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LMOE #72 - Armpit Hair Female Empowerment?

Fri, 13 Jan 2017 05:25:06 GMT

The guys return to chat about Joseph Fiennes landing his dream role of...Michael Jackson? Then Lola Kirke attends the Golden Globes without shaving her armpits because girl power or something, Kristen Stewart being a convenient lesbian, Pharma Bro Martin Shkreli getting banned from Twitter, Karlie Kloss teaching girls to write code, Lex's experience getting cut off by Mancow on the air, and Matt explains why the hell Chris Brown isn't in jail.

Recorded live at Rocco's Tavern in Studio City

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LMOE #71 - Real Housewives of ISIS

Fri, 06 Jan 2017 19:59:24 GMT

Lex and Matt have finally suppressed their holiday hangovers are are back at Rocco's Tavern to talk about Superfly Snuka being too crazy to stand trial for murder, Ray Jay selling out or cashing in on the only reason why he's famous, Joe Mixon's knockout punch, that fake-ass toddler dresser crush rescue video, Caitlyn Jenner - makeup queen, and how a BBC show pushed the limits of comedy with a feature called "Real Housewives of ISIS"

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LMOE #70 - Florida (ft. Pitbull)

Fri, 16 Dec 2016 05:27:51 GMT

Pitbull apparently had partnered with Florida's tourism board, some women are convinced that not having kids constitutes environmental activism, and BuzzFeed holds an even "bigger" fashion show than Victoria's Secret. Lex and Matt are back to yap about all this, plus a Politico reporter axed for an obscene tweet about Trump and his daughter, Piers Morgan calling out Lady Gaga and Madonna over their rape stories, the new Baywatch movie, and how Santa Claus's viral news story about a kid dying his arms turned out to be fake.

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LMOE #69 - Sixty-Nine, Dudes!

Fri, 09 Dec 2016 20:35:31 GMT

Lex and Matt are back to talk about Johnny Manziel's career hurdles, Serena Williams' demands for equality in tennis, online virginity sales and whether the seller or the buyer is creepier, Santa body shaming fat kids, Sofia Vergara being sued by her embryos, Elizabeth Ruiz's sex tape with Von Miller, and rapist Roman Polanski.

Recorded live at Rocco's Tavern in Studio City, Los Angeles.

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LMOE #68 - Female Empowerment Calendars (For Men?)

Fri, 02 Dec 2016 21:29:10 GMT

Another year, another Pirelli calendar that doesn't seem geared toward its target audience. Then Lex and Matt look at Tom Cruise's likeability and authenticity, Amber Heard talking about domestic abuse, Mariah Carey's struggles with revenge, whether heirs are inherently winners or losers, and speaking of them, our new segment, The Game of Undeserving Winners, examines people who have absolutely no good reason for their commercial success.

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LMOE #67 - Post-Election Drama

Thu, 17 Nov 2016 21:24:44 GMT

Lex and Matt's President-Elect Donald Trump hangovers have subsided long enough for them to talk about the protests, a christian blogger ending her marriage to come out as lesbian for Abby Wambach, Ashley Graham's big, beautiful Barbie doll, Von Miller, Reggie Bush, and the The Ohio State University student who delivered a flying tackle to a college protestor in our new segements Idiot of the Week and Winner of the Week, Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian's baby exploitation, and how Gabby Douglas and Emmy Rossum have Lex's panties in a bunch.

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LMOE #66 - The Light Beer Pay Gap?

Fri, 04 Nov 2016 04:34:27 GMT

Lex and Matt are back at Rocco's Tavern in Studio City to discuss Bud Light pulling their gender equality commercials in favor of more NFL ads, Ashley Graham's fat glorification, the sexist and/or gay nature of the term "fuck boy," Mila Kunis's experience with sexism, how Matt hates Mariah Carey, Bill Cosby and his accusers, and how Time Magazine has Lex's panties in a bunch over the presidential election.

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LMOE #65 - Should we be thanking Kim Kardashian?

Fri, 28 Oct 2016 19:06:05 GMT

Kim Kardashian makes millions selling herself; is this a symptom of the dumbing-down of society, or is she just gathering all the dumb people into one easily-recognizable place? Lex and Matt probe this issue along with Byron Allen's cable channel moneymaking strategy, Jamie Foxx's sexuality and his down low romance with Katie Holmes, evidence-free rape accusers like Kesha and Derrick Rose's FWB, Hillary Clinton's tribal women voters, Selena Gomez in rehab and Demi Lovato cracking up again, whether Subway is liable for not telling Jared Fogle's ex-wife that he was a creepy pedophile, and a Man Rules discussion regarding men and halloween costumes.

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LMOE #64 - Man Rules

Fri, 21 Oct 2016 20:12:27 GMT

Number 1, as Donald "Donnie" Trump Jr. says, don't say anything, or you'll be labeled a "hater." Number 2, as Leo DiCaprio has demonstrated, you just can't be a rich playboy and a good social activist at the same time. Number 3, check out Lex Jurgen's new book, "Man Rules - The Beginner's Guide to Manhood" available on Amazon today! Wait, maybe, that should have been rule number 1 here. Anyway, Lex and Matt discuss these important issues as well as men who get nose jobs, Christian Audiger's frozen man juice, Peter Thiel, Mark Zuckerberg, and the fourth-grade mentality surrounding partisan politics, the comparative importance of ass-kissing and actually being funny if you're a comedian, and is the percentage of women who have been sexually assaulted now officially 100%?

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LMOE #63 - Teen Beauty Pageant Locker Room Talk!

Fri, 14 Oct 2016 19:58:13 GMT

Lex and Matt return to Rocco's Tavern to discuss how Donald Trump should be the dividing line for your male friends from this point onward, Birth of a Nation's box office performance, the Bathrooms Accessible In Every Situation Act (BAbIES?), Derrick Rose's rape lawsuit, what the hell Kesha's medical records would show, Matt Hates NBC, Lex's panties are in a bunch over creepy clown bandwagoners, and Lex brings up King Cairo in our new segment: "The Unlucky Bastard of the Week"

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LMOE #62 - Kiefer Sutherland Walks Into a Bar

Fri, 07 Oct 2016 06:34:12 GMT

Special guest Retep of I Can't Believe This Shit Podcast (@ICBTS_Podcast) drops by as Lex and Matt talk about makeup oppression, Arnold Schwarzenegger and his bastard son, and Kiefer Sutherland's functional alcoholism in our new "Man of the Week" segment, the thin line between lesbianism and simply hating men, a University of Michigan pronoun protest, Derrick Rose's super sexual trial, Joe Buck's Hair Plug addiction and how that somehow made him lose his voice or some damn thing, and how Matt. Hates. Demi. Lovato.

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LMOE #61 - Hot Chicks in Hijabs

Fri, 30 Sep 2016 20:02:11 GMT

We had to take a week off as our sound guy suffered a broken forearm in an incident he claims is curtain-related, but Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston are back to talk about Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump's first presidential debate and the subsequent fat-shaming controversy, Knott's Scary Farm being too offensive, Matt's utter disdain for E.J. Johnson, Playboy's struggle to stay relevant, Blake Griffin's apology, Emma Watson and equality, and finally a deep dive into bisexuality.

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LMOE #60 - Hot For 4th Grade Teacher

Fri, 16 Sep 2016 19:14:55 GMT

Some people have a problem with a beautifully curvy woman teaching a class of fourth graders even if she doesn't show a lot of skin. Then there's the questions of Donald Trump's medical history and Hillary Clinton's medical current events, Tim Gunn's concerns about too much titty in high fashion, the passing of trans pioneer Alexis Arquette, some super-entitled millennial at UCLA, and Kaia Gerber's fake "Model of the Year" award. Just another afternoon at Rocco's Tavern with Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston!

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LMOE #59 - Gretchen's Millions

Fri, 09 Sep 2016 18:24:29 GMT

Former Fox News leggy talking head Gretchen Carlson snatches a $20 million settlement over Roger Ailes' sexual harassment, Megan Rapinoe takes a knee during the national anthem before nobody watches her soccer game, Melissa Click finds a safer space at a new job, and Burning Man attendees attack the "rich camp" out there in the desert. Lex and Matt also discuss how Miss Missouri is the first openly gay Miss America contestant, Zendaya Coleman and black suffering, and how, somehow, Pamela Anderson is anti-porn.

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LMOE 58 - Weiner's Wife Walks!

Wed, 31 Aug 2016 20:23:17 GMT

Apparently sexting other people wasn't enough to get Huma Abedin to separate from her husband, Anthony Weiner (aka Carlos Danger), but sexting with their four-year-old son in the background crossed a line. Then Chris Brown got arrested for pulling a gun while high on a regional beauty pageant winner, Lenny Dykstra claims Mickey Rourke owes him money, Lena Dunham wearing lingerie empowers women in a "big" way, and on an unrelated note, Go Topless Day happened this weekend. As always, Lex's panties are in a bunch, this week over men's action selfie videos while doing stunts. And don't forget, Michael Jackson would have been 58 this week (but his pedophilia allegations would be in their 30s or something).

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LMOE #57 - We called it!

Fri, 19 Aug 2016 20:31:19 GMT

Lex and Matt bask in the glory of successfully predicting Ryan Lochte's fabricated Brazil Rambo situation and Amber Heard walking away with $7 million for mere extortion. Then Kurt Metzger deals with a comedy pal's rape accusations on message boards, The New York Post publishes a study saying teens are having porn-induced erectile dysfunction, Shaun White sends fecal porn to his chick drummer (oh, and in other news, he's apparently in a band!), PC police accuse Ellen Degeneres of racism for her tweet involving Usain Bolt, and finally, men are just getting weaker and weaker.

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LMOE #56 - Chick Flick Reparations

Fri, 12 Aug 2016 06:22:52 GMT

The female version of Ocean's Eleven had to be cut down to Ocean's Eight, Cindy Crawford's young daughter is getting in to modeling, Malia Obama smokes weed, Martin Shkreli diagnoses Hillary Clinton's mental health problems from afar, Drake's dad makes some music of his own, and Courtney Stodden just can't tell you enough about her recent miscarriage. Lex and Matt swan dive into these topics while wondering when we can finally all just be over the Olympics.

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LMOE #55 - Suicide Squad Safe Spaces

Fri, 05 Aug 2016 02:34:26 GMT

Suicide Squad fans want Rotten Tomatoes shut down for their poor review of the movie they've been anticipating, Caitlyn Jenner's TV show gets canceled due to poor ratings, Suge Knight tried to kill poor Eminem, and poor Sharon Osbourne is being torn apart by Ozzy's sex addiction. Then Lex and Matt discuss why pointing out the fact that Hillary's voice is shrill is not inherently sexist, and then about how Taylor Swift is one crazy bitch. Oh, and it's Olympic time in Rio [De Janiero].

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LMOE #54 - The Internet vs. Sarah Silverman

Fri, 29 Jul 2016 17:38:18 GMT

Lex and Matt kick back at the lush Rocco's Tavern to discuss Sarah Silverman's Anonymous Twitter hijacking, some crazy "independent" British family who depends on your crowdfunding help, Tobias Strebel as he pertains to plastic surgery ethics, a "hyena man" in Africa, early-retiring NFL players and their potential to marginalize football, crazy Randy Quaid, and Conrad Murray, Michael Jackson's doctor and killer (kind of), finally confirms that the King of Pop was, indeed, a pedophile (not a moment too soon)

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LMOE #53 - Gay Sulu

Mon, 25 Jul 2016 22:35:10 GMT

Lex and Matt discuss Ashley Graham's weight loss angles, a water polo girl's touching story, Kobe Bryant's family financial advice, DNC leaked emails, Brandy suing her label for slavery, what Kim Kardashian charges per hour, and Star Trek social engineering.

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LMOE #52 - An open podcast to Jennifer Aniston

Mon, 18 Jul 2016 02:23:05 GMT

Lex and Matt discuss Jennifer Aniston's open letter to pregnancy rumor starters, the honor killing of Pakistani Kim K, Peeping Playboy Playmate Dani Mathers (after an uncomfortably long and detailed discussion on Hef's penis), broke-ass rappers who act all rich, the new Girl Ghostbusters film, Amy Schumer suddenly remembering how she was raped, and Victoria Beckham involving her child in her attention-whoring endeavors.

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LMOE #51 - Akron is so shitty, you tell people you're from Cleveland

Wed, 06 Jul 2016 16:06:30 GMT

Lex taps into Matt's fury about YouTube star Calum McSwiggan's fake hate crime, Kevin Durant joining the team that just ended his playoff run, John Cena's diversity ad, someone who willfully changed his name to "Boozie Badazz," Ashley Madison's downfall, and the art of the threesome (the last two topics are not necessarily related)

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LMOE #50 - First Abortion Free!

Wed, 29 Jun 2016 07:38:39 GMT

In the wake of a monumental SCOTUS decision, Chelsea Handler talks about getting two abortions in one year when she was a teenager. Kanye West releases a bizarre music video, and Black Twitter thinks Justin Timberlake saying that we're all one race at the BET Awards is just like saying "all lives matter." Lex and Matt cover these topics as well as male breastfeeding, photography and other non-real jobs, and the big, fat daughter of Gene Simmons.

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LMOE #49 - No, Canada!

Wed, 22 Jun 2016 08:06:15 GMT

Lex and Matt are back to talk aboot Canada's new gender-neutral national anthem, the girl who nailed 31 Oakland cops, Michael Jackson's vast porn collection, the possibility of a blood and/or sexual relationship between Khloe Kardashian and OJ Simpson, why anyone still watches the ESPYs, LA Weekley and the death of journalism, and the possibility of many more deaths at the Rio Olympics.

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LMOE #48 - Back from our break!

Wed, 15 Jun 2016 06:37:44 GMT

After taking some time off, Lex and Matt are back to talk about that illegal immigrant valedictorian, a big fat victory for London people, celebrities making the Orlando attack about themselves, the sex-based double-standard regarding sex-based teacher-student relationships, a creepy-ass Target sperm-donating professor, Meg Ryan no longer looking like Meg Ryan, and porn actress Cameron Bay strips the veil off of the porn industry.

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LMOE #47 - Dead Vegans on Mount Everest

Mon, 30 May 2016 03:47:02 GMT

Some vegans died descending Mount Everest, surprising some people for some reason. The University of Georgia pays Ludacris $65,000 and magnum condoms to perform at their spring football game, mandatory sex consent apps on college campuses, and a gay billionaire bankrolling lawsuits against Gawker.

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LMOE #46 - Women Aren't Harsh Enough Critics

Mon, 23 May 2016 04:14:11 GMT

Some guy studied how men and women rate TV shows geared toward the opposite sex, Tess Holliday claims some doctor said she's healthy and totally not going to kill her baby with her own obesity, some college coach's wife calls out her cheating husband over twitter, and Huffington Post proudly tweets a photo of their diverse workforce ranging from white women to whiter women. Join Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston for an in-depth look at these and other topics, including the return of Lex's favorite segment: Panties in a Bunch!

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LMOE #45 - The $15,000 Dildo

Fri, 13 May 2016 20:43:46 GMT

Yes, Gwyenth Paltrow is selling her gold-plated dildo, and it can be yours for the ridiculous price of just fifteen thousand dollars! Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston plunge deep into this, as well as Ozzy Osbourne's affair with his hairdresser, Calvin Klein's latest underage-looking model marketing campaign, Gene Simmons criticizing Prince, Emma Thompson's opposition to social media-based film casting, and vegan death threats toward Café Gratitude's ownership.

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LMOE #44 - Caitlyn Jenner Nude in S.I.

Fri, 06 May 2016 20:26:48 GMT

If you're still reading this after seeing the title, thank you.

This week, Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston discuss Rumer Willis being bullied, Emma Watson's recycled plastic fashion and U.N. credentials, pitcher Carlos Martinez's STDs, Grimes's Kesha-like story (or not), and Lee Daniels apologizing to Sean Penn over black domestic violence.

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LMOE #43 - Ted Cruz with boobs

Fri, 29 Apr 2016 19:29:36 GMT

Is Azealia Banks right about Beyonce using black stereotypes tosell records to white people, even if she's just a black stereotypeherself? Is Blac Chyna's purple Lamborghini gift from RobKardashian just proof of her being a whore? And what the hell is upwith Adam LaRoche's undercover sex sting in Vietnam? Lex and Mattprobe these tender topics as well as Female Ted Cruz's porn deal,Leonardo DiCaprio finding time to speak to the UN between bangingcountless babes, Lena Dunham's threat to leave the US if HillaryClinton isn't elected president, Prince's Percocet use, and Targetrestrooms.

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LMOE #42 - Good night, sweet artist formerly known as The Artist Formerly Known As Prince

Fri, 22 Apr 2016 20:45:54 GMT

Can Tess Holliday be fat-shamed and pregnant-shamed simultaneously? After Dax Shepard’s confession, is there anyone left in Hollywood who HASN’T been molested? And James Franco, who won’t stop talking about his sexuality, is upset that people won’t stop talking about his sexuality. Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston probe all these deep topics, as well as Cheryl Burke feeing suicidal over working with Ian Ziering on Dancing With the Stars, the death of Prince, Curt Schilling getting fired for speaking his mind about trans people taking shits, and Harriet Tubman replacing Andrew Jackson on $20 bills.

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LMOE #41 - Bye, Kobe.

Fri, 15 Apr 2016 20:42:32 GMT

The Lakers celebrate Kobe's retirement as they win the final game of the worst season in their history, Johnny Manziel and Lamar Odom seem to just want to drink themselves to death, Erykah Badu thinks girls should "lower their skirts" because men are animals with no self control, and Bow Wow (he's not Lil' anymore) fakes his wealth. Lex and Matt are back to talk about these important happenings, as well as the Equal Pay for Women Monument, secret totally-not-gay societies at Harvard and similar elite institutions, and Ted Cruz's bizarre story involving a hoard of Campbell's Soup.

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LMOE #40 - In which Matt ponders his dress size

Mon, 11 Apr 2016 20:35:39 GMT

Jennifer Lawrence says something about body image issues, Azealia Banks says something about Sarah Palin on Twitter, Jennifer Lopez says "produce my new single" to Dr. Luke, and Matt mentions a new fashion trend called "period skirts." Oh, and Tom Cruise's Scientology fortress.

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LMOE #39 - White People Need Not Apply

Sat, 02 Apr 2016 04:50:25 GMT

No April fools here, just Lex and Matt talking about a Broadway production that put out a casting call preferring non-whites, Lamar Odom drinking again, the ethical implications of extorting money from the Kardashian family, an overexposed videogame ass, a cop bothered by Elton John's gay come-ons, and more!

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LMOE #38 - Hogan's Millions

Fri, 25 Mar 2016 20:28:03 GMT

Lex and Matt are back to discuss Hulk Hogan's sex tape payout, Kesha's lamentations of "slavery," NFL baby daddy records, tennis pay equality, Ellen DeGeneres, HBO and a terminally ill comedian named Quincy Jones, and an NBA anti-harassment consultant.

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LMOE #37 - Son of a Star!

Sat, 19 Mar 2016 01:26:40 GMT

Lex and Matt discuss Madonna's meltdown over missing her son, Adam LaRoche's retirement from the Chicago White Sox because they wouldn't allow his son in the clubhouse all season long, and Charlie Sheen's seven-figure child support requirement. Then you can finish nursing that St. Patty's hangover as they talk about the WNBA, Sean Penn, El Chapo, drugs, Mariah Carey, more drugs, and the ethical and moral implications of barbering with regard to transsexual customers.

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LMOE #36 - Bearded Lady Bits

Tue, 08 Mar 2016 02:42:56 GMT

Who in the hell would hire a bearded woman as a model? What's the latest with Charlie Sheen, Brett Rossi, and HIV? And is any black actress truly "black enough?" Lex and Matt are back from a break to answer all these pressing questions, and talk about Kesha's Dr. Luke rape allegations, Caitlin Jenner preferring men, Blac Chyna's effect on Rob Kardashian's fitness, and whether Eva Amurri's husband declining sex with their nanny is really something to brag about.

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LMOE #35 - GRAMMYs So Black

Wed, 17 Feb 2016 21:37:12 GMT

It seems every award show is just piling on the blackness ever since the Oscar nominees were announced, but that unfortunately means we have to talk about Kanye West more. Lex and Matt are back to nail these issues from both sides, plus the Sports Illustrated XL Swimsuit Issue, Gwyneth Paltrow's super exclusive club, Ted Cruz firing a porn star, and #AdidasSoGay

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LMOE #34 - #ClooneySoWhite

Wed, 10 Feb 2016 21:46:34 GMT

Peyton Manning says "this Bud's for me," after winning Super Bowl 50, after Beyonce shouts out to #BlackLivesMatter and the Black Panthers at the Halftime Show (does anyone still even watch that?). Lex and Matt break it all down, plus Chelsea Handler's tits, the sexist implications of not voting for Hillary Clinton and what she means for other people named Hillary, Casey Anthony's new business, Lily Rose Depp's old sexual orientation, and George Clooney's all-white films' effect on black acting opportunities in Hollywood.

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LMOE #33 - Kanye Reacts™ to Assplay Allegations

Thu, 04 Feb 2016 19:13:30 GMT

Who knew Kanye's ultimate weakness was assplay? Is high school wrestling the gayest sport ever invented? And is #SAGawardsSoBlack just a lazy, pandering repsonse to #OscarsSoWhite, or an actual victory for acceptance? Lex and Matt establish a firm grip on these topics, plus an Australian rape club, Charlie Sheen's Mexican HIV medicine, reverse psychology in alcohol advertising, Blac Chyna's airport antics, and finally they "react" to the Fine Brothers' asinine trademark application.

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LMOE #32 - Super Black Babies (w/ guest Pete Giovine)

Wed, 27 Jan 2016 21:07:34 GMT

How screwed up is Hollywood these days? The Academy announces affirmative action for their membership, straight celebrities are posing as gay couples for photos, and apparently no black baby is safe from a famous adoptive parent! Special guest Pete Giovine joins Lex and Matt to talk about this, as well as Amy Schumer's joke ripoff allegations, the Buffalo Bills hiring the NFL's first female assistant coach, Larry Flynt vs. Hef, sexual double standards regarding student/teacher bangings, and a HuffPo editor saying #WhiteBooksDontMatter.

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LMOE #31 - Go Fund Yourself

Wed, 20 Jan 2016 05:51:42 GMT

Why can't male teenage film bloggers make sexually suggestive jokes involving Amy Schumer when such jokes are basically her entire act? Is a memoir just a pretentious way of saying "autobiography," and should we require that their authors are, well, notable? Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston tackle these tough questions and discuss the whiteness of The Oscars, Tila Tequila's GoFundMe campaign (and the size of her tits), tennis corruption, whether or not Khloe Kardashian is retarded, yet another "gay" teen actress, and Neil Patrick Harris's bench theft.

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LMOE #30 - Mansion For Sale; Old Guy Included

Sat, 16 Jan 2016 02:01:20 GMT

Well, none of us won the huge Powerball jackpot, so we're kicking off the new year with a ridiculous new episode. Lex and Matt discuss the merits of lotteries like Powerball, plus-size lingerie modeling, Sean Penn's interview with El Chapo, David Bowie groupgrief, and the Playboy Mansion being up for sale (under condition that Hugh Hefner will still live there).

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LMOE #29 - Ten in a Cage

Thu, 17 Dec 2015 19:20:35 GMT

How can The Edge (from U2) claim to be an environmentalist while building five mansions in Malibu? Has Wu-Tang Clan's $2 million album stunt reached its perfect conclusion with Martin "Pharma Bro" Shkreli buying it? And does Ronda Rousey care about body image stigmas or is she just letting herself go after her first UFC loss? Lex and Matt absolutely deliver on this final episode of the Fall season with all these hot topics, plus Sikhs being mistaken for Muslims, Ben Affleck's back tat, renaming racist stadiums, and how nobody can stop Donald Trump.

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LMOE #28 - ADA Compliant Pedestals

Wed, 09 Dec 2015 23:03:11 GMT

Media scrutiny is #literally crippling, right Kylie Jenner? And what's with all these women suing men regarding sexual relations? I mean, so what if James Deen made some lady's butthole bleed or Charlie Sheen wasn't open about his HIV? It's an incredibly important episode with Lex and Matt this week as they tackle these issues and debate whether alcoholism is a disease, why celebrities give their kids stupid names, why certain animals' lives matter more than others, and the death of Scott Weiland.

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LMOE #27 - ISIS or Tebow?

Thu, 03 Dec 2015 08:30:16 GMT

Lex and Matt finished nursing their Thanksgiving hangovers just in time to discuss some important topics, like the 43rd Pirelli Calendar getting all serious and sophisticated, Kobe Bryant's poetry, Sinead O'Connor's fake Facebook suicide, Bernie Sanders porn, porn star James Deen's rape accusations, and apparently The Hulk is a Korean teen now. Lex gets his panties in a bunch over calling Muslim terrorists Muslims, and if that wasn't enough religious extremism for you, Tim Tebow's girlfriend dumped him for refusing to have sex with her.

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LMOE #26 - Safe Zones and Tip Notes and Caitlyn! Oh, my!

Wed, 18 Nov 2015 10:31:14 GMT

I guess the only thing odd about Charlie Sheen having HIV is the fact that he went on The Today Show to announce it. But could you imagine if he just wrote that on a restaurant receipt where the tip is supposed to go, just like other people do to shock their servers and whoever else sees it once it goes, well, y'know...viral? And it's hard enough being a widower of a 9/11 first responder, but then Glamour Magazine had to go and give the same Woman of the Year award to some transsexual named Caitlyn Jenner, so James Smith basically had no choice but to posthumously return his wife Moira's award, right? Lex and Matt are back to talk about these intense topics, along with the ridiculousness of whiny college kids wanting to feel safe from even the most laser-specific "triggers" and "microaggressions" while in school, the latest on Lamar Odom and Khloe and the rest of the Kardashians, and this age of misinformation and #slacktivism on social media. Plus, Matt reveals that he's in a Twitter war with rapper 2 Chainz regarding his threatening lyrics and tweets toward a certain female fan. Also, mark November 17, 2020 down in your calendars, because Matt has officially set the over-under on Charlie Sheen's inevitable death at five years.

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LMOE #25 - The Big Gay Quiz!

Thu, 12 Nov 2015 03:35:27 GMT

Jeff Richards is our special guest this week as he and Matt Ralston try to pass Lex Jurgen's Big Gay Quiz! They also discuss the recent spat between Vivica A. Fox and 50 Cent, and whether or not Fiddy's claim that she licked his asshole is actually a gay comeback to gay allegations. Plus, is Pamela Anderson's announcement of being Hep C-free inspiring or just gloating? Is there any #HopeForOurDaughters if their activism videos turn out like the one accompanying the Suffragette film marketing campaign? And of course, Starbucks' antichrist cups, Larry David's $5000 "Trump's a racist" heckle on Saturday Night Live, and whether black presidential candidates like Ben Carson are immune from criticism by the mainstream media.

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