1) I’m 32 and should be at my prime sexually, but feel like I’m an intensely boring lover. I want to be wild and uninhibited, and the sort of lover men think about for the rest of their lives. But I’m so vanilla, I don’t even know how to be wildly sexy, or what sort of things that would include.

2) I’m happily married, but, like anyone in a monogamous relationship, a bit bored. I have never had a threesome, but would love to have one. My fear is that even asking my wife to have one will lead to her never talking to me ever again. How can I suss her out without causing issues?

3) Our last ever question on SexTok isn’t a question—it’s a round-up of what Kelsey and Tracey think are the most important things to do if you want to be a happy couple. Some tips to live your life by...

To contact Tracey: Email her at traceycoxtherapy@gmail or message her on Instagram @traceycoxsexauthor

Starting in 2026, Tracey is offering a problem solving service, based on decades of writing and researching sex and relationships. It's a unique three-session package done via Zoom, chat, email, or phone. In the first session, you'll tell her your problem. In the second, she'll suggest solutions. In the third session, she'll troubleshoot and come up with a plan for the future. Straightforward, practical advice that's simple to follow—and works.

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’m dating again after a divorce and have met a new man I really like, but I’m convinced he’s faking orgasms. Why would he do this, and should I say something?

2) I’ve been with my new girlfriend for four months, and although I’ve given her oral sex every single time we make love, not once has she offered to reciprocate. I’ve made jokes about it, but she says it's just never been something she's keen on, although she doesn't have any real objections. I thought things would change as she felt more comfortable, but they haven’t. How do I handle this?

3) I have a smaller than average penis. It’s never been a problem with girlfriends because I give lots of oral sex. It doesn’t bother me—if anything, it’s made me a better lover because I can’t rely on penetration. But every girlfriend has registered surprise when she first sees it. Should I warn potential lovers beforehand, or just make a joke when all is revealed, which is what I do now? I don’t want to make women feel uncomfortable.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) My wife has an extremely high libido. I know that sounds like every man’s dream, but it’s not. My sex drive has never been that high, but hers is through the roof. I thought we’d even out when we had kids, and her libido did calm down for a while. But three years later, she’s wanting sex every day. It’s emasculating, and I don’t know how to deal with this. She’s okay when I say 'no,' but I worry she’ll seek sex elsewhere.

2) I’ve just gotten together with my boyfriend and we’re going to stay with my parents for the holidays. We’re in our early 20s and don’t want to go without sex for two weeks, but I also would die if my parents heard us or guessed. Any tips for quiet, undetectable sex?

3) My new girlfriend is really into what she calls 'power games.' I have never tried anything like that but am intrigued. She knows all about it and I am guessing she will take charge, but can you give me a heads up for the type of thing I might expect?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) My partner does the same moves in the same order every single time we have sex. How do I break the routine without bruising his ego? I like what he does, but can’t be doing this for the rest of my life.

2) My boyfriend loses his erection during sex, but not when he’s having solo sex. How do we fix this without making it worse?

3) I feel guilty that my fantasies never involve my partner. Is that normal?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I have just found out my wife fakes her orgasms sometimes. We’ve been together for seven years. She recently asked me if we could use her vibrator during intercourse so she doesn’t need to fake it. I am shocked. I had no idea, and feel hurt and angry that she didn’t tell me this before. Sh explained that she finds it difficult to climax during intercourse, which is interesting because none of my other partners have had this issue.

2) With my consent, my boyfriend films us every single time we have sex—which is a lot. We’ve been together 18 months and his libido is still as high as it was at the start. He says he watches the videos and uses them to masturbate. Is this normal, or could it be an indication that he is a sex addict or up to no good? We’re both in our 30s.

3) I have a very average sex life. My libido is low and I’m unadventurous in bed. I have a good relationship with my mother and asked her if this was the case with her. She said it was. Does this mean you can blame your parents if you have a rubbish sex life?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) Why do orgasms feel so much better when you’re on your own? When it’s just me and my vibrator, they are consistently intense and satisfying. It’s very hit and miss with my partner, even if he’s giving me oral sex (which is the only thing that works for me).

2) In one of your previous podcasts, Tracey suggested that couples who’d been together for years might spice things up by visiting a sex club. My wife of two decades and I just did this—and we LOVED it. We just watched and soaked in the intensely erotic atmosphere. Now, we want to go back and this time have sex with each other at the club—maybe even invite others to join. Any advice on how to do this? How do we decide on our boundaries, and how do we stick to them in the heat of the moment?

3) We only ever have ‘efficient’ sex because we’re tired parents. How do we stop being productivity machines and start being lovers again?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’ve been married a long time and our kids are about to graduate—the pressure is finally off. I’m as happy as you can be with someone you’ve been with for 25-odd years. Meaning, I’m also bored. I’ve paid my dues, and I want some excitement. There’s a man in my life that’s paying me a lot of attention. Am I bad for thinking that if I’m discreet and careful, I kind of deserve to have fun?

2) Do you have a solution for the age-old problem for everyone who has sex: If one of you orgasms first—usually the woman, because ‘she comes first’ is a good motto—how do you maintain interest? Once you’ve climaxed, the horniness disappears and everything is half-hearted.

3) What is the etiquette these days for STI testing with a new partner? I’ve only had one sexual partner my whole life and am out there dating again. I know what’s recommended, but how many people follow these guidelines? I don’t want to look out of touch.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’m reading lots of things on social media that suggest people who are emotionally volatile are better in bed. Is there any truth in this?

2) Everyone talks about how having kids ruins your sex life. But no one talks about your wife never wanting sex ever again afterwards. It’s been six years since our last child was born, and we now have sex around three times a year. She has zero interest, and tells me I’m not being supportive for wanting sex with her when she’s so busy.

3) I am a man in his mid-50s and have carried this for years: When I was 12 years old, my mother walked into my bedroom while I was masturbating and humiliated me for it. This has left me with intense shame ever since. How do you get over something like this? I feel uncomfortable even when a sex scene comes on when watching TV with my wife.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’m concerned about my daughter. She’s a virgin at 24. Once upon a time, a parent’s fear was teenage pregnancy. I’m worried because she’s not having sex at all. She’s beautiful, bright, funny, and has everything going for her, but has never had a boyfriend. I couldn’t wait to have sex. What’s going on, and should I talk about it with her?

2) My boyfriend and I love sex toys. We have lots of toys for me, but nothing for him. He’s not into anal play. Other than a penis ring, is there anything else I could treat him to?

3) I have a job that requires me to work in a different country quite frequently, often for three or four months at a time. Can you give some practical tips for intimate video calls? My wife is confused by what we’d do, and I don’t want it to feel awkward. Should we ‘finish’ on camera, or would that be too much?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) Can you explain what role-playing games are? What would you recommend for guys, so it doesn’t come off as weird when I suggest it? I want something that women would find sexy and attractive. Also, do you really need to buy expensive costumes?

2) After I’ve had intercourse with my girlfriend, she often asks me to give her oral sex if she hasn’t had an orgasm. Am I being squeamish for not doing this?

3) How do you stop friends from meddling in your relationships? My friends dissect everything: how fast a guy texts back and the emojis he uses; they pour over his social media and put a negative spin on everything. I know they’re being protective because I’ve made some bad choices in the past, but they almost bully me into ending relationships they think I shouldn’t be in. I don’t want to lose their friendship, and I’ve asked them to butt out, but they continue to give unasked for opinions.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) My husband left me for a much younger woman. It happened two months ago, so the shock is wearing off, but I have no clue how to recover from this. I’m 51 and my husband is 55. He left me for a woman who is 30.

2) If you could go back in time and give advice to your younger self about sex, knowing what you know now, what would it be?

3) What do you think would happen if you stopped all sexual activity, including masturbation? Would you go insane? Is it different for men and women? I am a man and just curious—I’m not going to try this.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) A simple question for you: what do people use dildos for? I get why a vibrator is appealing, but why would a couple need one?

2) I’m in a new relationship with the most patient, loving man. He gives me the most fantastic oral sex, often bringing me to orgasm without a toy. But, he suffers from terrible PE and will orgasm just from giving oral sex. What can I do to help him, as I would love to be properly penetrated again? We're not young.

3) My girlfriend and I have been together two years. I’m mid 40s and she’s 13 years younger than me. We’re both into the idea of a threesome, but can’t decide whether to have FFM or MFM. My girlfriend thinks a threesome once a month sounds like a great plan, but I’m not sure. She’s suggested asking our personal trainer who is very hot and single. I think it should be an escort, which I have used in the past. Can you help with the logistics?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’ve been single for a few years and was desperate for sex, so started an affair with a friend of a friend. I knew he was married, and it’s not my style to sleep with married men, but we all got drunk at a party and it happened. The sex was incredible, so we did it again. We’ve been meeting for sex about once a fortnight for a year now. To me, that’s all it is—sex. So imagine my surprise when he told me he wants to leave his wife for me. I have no interest at all in a relationship with him. He’s said he’s hinted to her that there might be someone else and told the mutual friend who introduced us what’s been going on. I’m going to come out of this looking very bad. How do I manage it?

2) I’ve been with my husband for 13 years and our sex is pretty good. We both used to take turns initiating sex, which is about once a week. Lately, he’s stopped initiating and leaves it up to me. He’s very happy to have sex when I do, but I don’t like it. I gently asked why he’s stopped taking the lead, and he said he hadn’t noticed any change so I just let it drop, but it’s bothering me.

3) I’m 31 and my boyfriend of two years is 25. We’re both really open about sex and he admitted early on to being addicted to porn and masturbation. He hasn’t done either—watched porn or masturbated—for over a year now. He’s in such a healthy place that I asked him if he wanted to start again. He was adamant that he doesn’t, for fear of becoming addicted again. Is that likely? I’m at a loss of what to do because I don’t want him to feel unloved or restricted.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) What’s your view on ‘O-shots’? My friend had one after menopause and says it rejuvenated her vagina back to what it was in her 30s. She says sex is amazing again. They are expensive, but I’m tempted. Are they safe, and what’s your take on them?

2) So I know what you’re going to tell me, but I’m asking anyway: I’m 43, divorced, and have been single for three years. My daughter is 24 and recently broke up with her boyfriend. Her ex and I always ‘play flirted,’ and I’ve always found him sexy. But, I got quite a shock when he texted me after the breakup saying he can’t stop thinking of me and would I consider meeting up with him. My body screams yes—I haven’t had sex in two years and would kill to do it with him—but what would my daughter say if she found out? I feel like I deserve this, but don’t want to put my relationship with her in jeopardy.

3) What do you do when you can’t leave an unhappy marriage? I’ve been belittled by my partner for years and he’s behaved extremely badly. I stayed because my self-esteem was so low. Just when I’d plucked up the courage to leave—after telling friends the truth of what’s been going on—he delivers his news: he’s been diagnosed with cancer. I know what I’m in for—my life will now be spent caring for a man who doesn’t deserve the kindness this will take. But what would people say if I up and left now?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) You’ve talked about penis size and sensitivity, but I haven’t heard you talk about clitoris size in that regard. I used to have a normal size clitoris, but after taking testosterone to help with low libido, it seems to have tripled in size. I have stronger orgasms now—but it takes so much longer to climax. I can’t figure out the right spot anymore: the sensitive area seems to have moved. Any advice on how to find it again?

2) My boyfriend is obsessed with one of my friends. I’ve only met her recently and she is very attractive and posts a lot online. I trust him, but I recently caught him masturbating while watching a video of her online. It’s completely freaked me out. Does this mean he’s going to leave me for her or would rather be with her?

3) How can you tell if your partner is a sex addict? My new partner has admitted to a history of repeated cheating, and, while he wants lots of sex, he seems disconnected from me. He never makes eye contact during sex. My gut tells me something isn’t right. I don’t know him well enough to tell if he’s watching lots of porn, but he is paranoid about me picking up his phone. Am I overreacting or sensing something?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) My marriage has been sexless for five years—literally, no sex at all. I tried everything to make my wife see how important sex is, but she refused to even talk about it. We’re young—in our early 40s! It’s strained our marriage beyond repair; so, I asked her for a divorce. Instantly, everything changed. She initiated sex the night I told her, and we’ve had sex twice a day since. It’s good, enthusiastic sex and she appears to be up for anything. I don’t understand what this means and am too scared to ask. The million-dollar question is: will this last? Are our problems finally solved?

2) I’ve been with my partner for five years and it’s the best sex I’ve had with anyone. But now, it feels repetitive and boring. I’m keen to push boundaries, like I did with my previous boyfriend, but he’s not willing to step outside his comfort zone. I suggested we find a partner for each other and watch, or go to sex club and just watch others. He says it’s not in his character to do those things. He’s not even interested in watching porn—I watch it by myself. What now?

3) My wife can only orgasm while lying on her stomach with her legs closed and using a vibrator. We’ve talked about it and tried many other techniques, but this seems to be the only way that works for her. Should I continue to encourage her to experiment and try new techniques? How can we avoid things becoming boring for both of us, especially me? 

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) My husband has recently discovered Viagra and now takes it every time we have sex. Rather than save our sex life, it’s destroyed it. His penis is now too hard, he takes ages to orgasm, and his focus is almost exclusively on intercourse. Before Viagra, we had lots of foreplay and oral sex. I’ve told him I don’t like it, but he still takes it.

2) Should men also do pelvic floor exercises? Do they enhance sex for us as well as for women? If so, how do we do them? I gather there are quite a range of muscles down there which do subtly different things.

3) I'm a man in my late fifties and while I've had various friendships with women, none have resulted in anything romantic or sexual. What do I say if I did meet someone and the subject of past relationships were to come up? The lack of experience with sex and love is embarrassing. Also, what if I never meet someone? This greatly concerns me. 

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’m a 26-year-old straight guy and I’m having no luck with women. I’m curious to know what you think of AI girlfriends. I’m tempted to try one until I meet someone in real life that I really like. Is it a good way to practice relationship skills? Is there anything I should know before I sign up?

2) I’ve met someone and we have AMAZING sexual chemistry. But when we’re not having sex, conversation is difficult, and I ask all the questions. We have mutual friends and things in common, so it should be easy. I told him I feel nervous around him, and he says he feels the same. We haven’t been on a date yet, but he’s planning one and I’m scared it will be awkward. We’re both usually loud, chatty people so it’s a bit of a shock that we can’t be like that out of bed.

3) Can you talk about the different types of relationship models there are, including open relationships?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I followed your advice and asked my partner for something I'd like him to do in bed. He did it, and all was good. But now he doesn’t do it anymore and I’m tired of asking nicely and dropping hints. What now?

2) You’ve talked about ‘hot-wifing,’ but what about ‘hot husbanding'? Do women get turned on watching their husbands with another woman in the same way men get off on watching their wives with another man? I suppose it’s every man’s fantasy for their wife to want that in a way. Cheating with permission! I’m curious if it’s a thing.

3) My wife and I are in our mid 60s, still in love, and having sex. But intercourse is increasingly painful for her. She’s seen a very sympathetic female GP and tried HRT and other things, but nothing has worked. Any suggestions on what might be the issue and how to continue having sex? Toys don’t do it for her, and she’s gone off giving and receiving oral sex.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’ve listened to enough of your podcasts to know that women don’t often orgasm through intercourse alone. But, is there anything a man can do to make that more possible, apart from holding a vibrator on her clitoris while he is inside her? My penis is starting to get a complex!

2) I’ve recently lost a lot of weight through the weight loss jab. I’m thrilled with the results—except for the effect on my sex life. My husband and I stopped having sex years ago because I felt too fat. I don’t think he found me sexually attractive at that weight, anyway. He’s thrilled that I’m back to the same weight I was when we met and clearly expects us to resume having sex. The thing is, I don’t want to. I never did enjoy sex much, but I have zero interest now. Not sure if that’s a side effect of the drug? I look sexier, but don’t feel it. What do I do?

3) How safe are glass dildos? I’m tempted to buy one but worry they’ll break inside me. Are they okay for anal play (assuming they have a flared base)? I’m a man and we are not famous for being gentle, especially when we are playing solo.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’m 28 and been with my partner for four years. He’s always been the one to initiate sex and I thought he liked it that way. But, now he’s told me he’s sick of it and wants me to take the lead—not just with initiating, but during sex as well. I have no idea how to do this. Can you help?

2) I had a bit of a thing with my neighbor. We’re both single, but have teenage children and didn’t want them to know anything was going on. Two months in, we got busted by my daughter and now it’s in the open. The kids are delighted—but I’m not interested anymore. I liked the excitement of sneaking around and having hot sex. I never did want a relationship, but now feel like it’s expected. What do I do?

3) I grew up with parents who had an open relationship and were very open about sex. I’m now 24 and want to settle down with my girlfriend, but she doesn’t trust me because of my parents’ attitude toward sex. They’ve made it plain they think I’m too young to marry and should be having fun. How do I convince her I’m not like them and want to live a normal, stable married life?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’m a woman who has no problem having an orgasm on her own, but it happens rarely with my partner. I’ve told him how I want to be stimulated, but sex always feels like something that’s done to satisfy his needs and mine are an afterthought. He knows I don’t orgasm through intercourse, but still asks me every single time if I have. When I say no, he begrudgingly gives me oral sex or uses his fingers, but it’s half-hearted because he’s had his orgasm. I’m feeling increasingly resentful. How do I tackle this?

2) My wife and I are in our late 60s, fit and healthy, and have been happily married for 40 years. Sex has always been a small part of our marriage, but it was adventurous and good. Since menopause, which she seemed to sail through, both sex and intimacy have disappeared. We talk about it now and then, but nothing happens. I don't necessarily want penetrative sex, I just miss holding her and showing her I love her rather than just saying it. I feel lonely.

3) I'm a straight woman in my 30s and recently met an amazing guy. I ended it because of his smell. He doesn’t smell bad, just like he has a different chemistry to me. My gut said not to go there. Am I right to pay attention to this? Is it something that you can work with or get past, and how?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’m a 25-year-old straight woman and am not interested in a relationship right now. But, I do want sex. How and when do I bring this up with people I date—and do I have to?

2) My boyfriend of four years is suddenly doing new things in bed which is making me suspicious. I’ve always been the higher libido one; now he’s the one initiating sex and wanting to try new things. I feel like maybe he’s attracted to someone else and this is what’s firing him up. I don’t want to ask because I don’t want to know, but it’s making me uneasy. What should I do?

3) My wife and I went to a remote beach in Greece while on holiday last year. It was just us on the beach, but then another couple turned up, stripped off and, in full sight of us, had sex. We both pretended not to look, but obviously did. That night we had the most amazing sex. But whenever I try to talk about it with my wife, she blocks discussion and called me a pervert for bringing it up. I felt the whole experience unlocked a moment of sexual magic. Should I drop it, or try to talk about it again in the hope of having better sex? 

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) How do I make myself desire sex more? I’ve tried everything to turn myself on but nothing seems to work. I have never had a high sex drive and probably never will. But I would like to get to the point where sex is remotely appealing. Do you have any advice I won’t have already heard?

2) I know my husband watches porn—we’ve always had a laugh about it. But I was surprised to see the kind of porn he watches. I couldn’t resist checking his history—I did it on a whim—and now wish I hadn’t. There was some weird stuff on there. Is this something to worry about? I figured he just watched "normal" porn.

3) My wife of 23 years has just left me—for another woman. She’s been straight the whole of her life and we have two children. I am obviously upset, but not sure how seriously to take this. My male friends tell me to hang in there and that she will come back. She says she’s not lesbian but fell in love with a person. Is it more likely she will change her mind because it’s a woman not a man and this is not her usual thing? It’s been six months now.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) My wife and I have had sex in our garden, but she wants to try it in semi-public. We want the thrill of thinking we might be caught, but not actually get caught. Do you have any tips on how to go about this?

2) I’m 27 and just got engaged to my girlfriend of seven years. At the start, we had sex once or twice a week, but now we barely touch each other. We have discussed this many times and agree to prioritize sex, but it never happens. Once every 1-2 months we masturbate each other but that’s it, and it’s not enough for me (though it is for her). Is this how it’s going to be when we marry? I love her, but I’m frustrated.

3) My wife had an affair six months ago. We’ve been to therapy and are doing well, but haven’t attempted to have sex yet. I feel like I can forgive her, but I’m worried images of the two of them together will haunt me when we get physical. How should we tackle this?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’d really like to try using a whip as a sex toy. My partner is up for it, but can you advise on what’s best to buy for a beginner and how to incorporate it into sex?

2) Our relationship is really good but my wife and I argue about sex a lot. Do sex-life problems suggest there are problems elsewhere in the relationship? It’s a perpetual problem that never seems to get solved.

3) Can you give me any advice on massaging my husband’s prostate during sex? I’d never done it before, but we're both keen to try.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’m intrigued to know what happens at a chem sex party. I’ve got a few adventurous girlfriends and we’re all quite keen to give it a try. Would you advise it?

2) I know it’s normal to go through periods when you don’t find your partner attractive. But when should you worry that it’s more than a passing phase?

3) I’m struggling with premature ejaculation. After 30 seconds of penetration, I struggle to hold back and constantly have to pull out. I think it’s psychological. We tried a penis sleeve, which worked at first, but we both enjoy it so much it backfired. I tried pelvic floor exercises as well, but to no avail. My wife loves the vibrator/penetration combination, but it’s such a fight for me it ruins the mood.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’ve just started seeing a guy who is really into giving ‘facials.’ I’ve done it before, and don’t honestly mind, but what’s the psychology behind it? Why do so many guys like doing it, and is it degrading to agree?

2) I’ve only ever had an orgasm once without a vibrator, and that was after a long sex session with me on top. I’d like to start masturbating without vibration, but I can orgasm within seconds using my bullet vibe, and it feels like it's going to take hours using my fingers. After a bit, I give in and reach for the vibrator. Any hints on how to stick with it?

3) Is it normal to have never felt sexual desire? I am a 23-year-old man and have never had a girlfriend and never masturbated. I watched porn once out of curiosity, but it didn’t make me aroused in any way. I don’t have any issue with sex and am not aware of any trauma in my childhood. I like women as friends, but just don’t have any desire to have sex with them. I’m not attracted to men, either. I’ve read about asexuality, and I’m guessing that’s me, though am wondering if there’s any research on whether this might change as I get older.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I love my husband and I’m very attracted to him. But for some reason, I have to picture a scene from porn to reach orgasm with him. I’m very much in my head when having sex in general, and find myself thinking about a million things that aren’t related to sex during it. How can I change this pattern of having to play these images to climax? Is it something you’ve heard of before?

2) I have been seeing an amazing man for two years. He’s chivalrous, loving, we have sex often, and it’s good. But, he seems to be permanently horny and comments constantly about my bum and boobs and how much he loves my body. Then he gropes me and gets turned on. I don’t want that attention when I’m doing the washing up or reading a book or watching telly. I’ve tried laughing it off or being flattered or just moving his hands away, but when I don’t respond the way he wants, he gets moody.

After much prodding on my part, he admitted he feels rejected and hurt when I don’t react favorably to his advances. I love how attentive he is, but I feel stifled by it when I’m trying to have time by myself. How can I politely decline the attention without him feeling rejected and getting in another mood that lasts for days?

3) My daughter is 12 years old and we’ve been pretty open with her about sex, body parts, and how things work. I grew up in a house where there was zero sex talk, which resulted in lots of sexual issues I had to deal with later in my life in a therapist's office. So, I’m determined to raise my daughter without the shame I was brought up with. When she hit puberty, I mentioned masturbation to her. I told her that this is a normal thing lots of women do and enjoy, and I mentioned that there is a spot on a women’s body which feels intensely pleasurable. I told her we could talk about it more if she wanted, thinking this would probably be in a couple of years. But, a few days later she asked me to show her the spot and explain what to do to get pleasure. The question blindsided me. We were driving, so I told her we could talk about it later. She’s forgotten about it momentarily, but now I’m at a loss of what to do. I want to be honest and open, but she’s only 12! Is it too early to show/talk about that stuff? If not, what’s the best way to go about it? Any advice will be much appreciated!

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) Kelsey recently said she faked many orgasms while married. What is the general feeling about faking it now? How do most people react when they find out their partner’s faked it? Surely men think it’s a betrayal in the relationship?

2) Help! The inevitable has happened: sex with my husband of six years now feels like I’m having sex with my best friend. We’ve both been married before and vowed this wouldn’t happen to us—but it has. I know you’ve talked about this before and, conceptually, I understand why it happens. Can you skip straight to the how-to-fix-it part with some practical tips that make a difference?

3) I am a 35-year-old guy and I recently moved to Europe. I’m currently working in a restaurant as a server. Recently, I was serving a couple—a man and a woman. We had a short conversation during their meal about all the usual things. But after I brought them the bill, the man asked me outright if I would be interested in meeting his wife later and having sex with her. I know that people in Europe tend to be more open about their sex lives, and I’m aware that there are many swinger clubs. But what does this mean about their relationship? Is this kind of thing normal? What would be your thoughts on this situation, and how should I respond?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) My wife and I communicate well about sex, but lately I’ve become extremely turned on by the thought of watching her have sex with a stranger. I think it’s called ‘hotwifing.’ It’s just a fantasy, and I’m not sure how I’d feel if we acted on it. Usually, anytime we have a ‘kink’ we tell each other, but I worry she’ll think I’m a pervert with this one!  Should I tell her or keep it bottled up? I know it’s quite common, but it’s also weird. I guess my question is: is it normal, and should I tell her or keep it to myself? I doubt she’d be game to do it anyway, and I don’t want to freak her out after 15 years together.

2) I’m a 60-year-old man who has been happily married for over 30 years. Sadly, my wife is increasingly less interested in sex. Not only has her libido plummeted, but penetrative sex is painful and non-penetrative sex just doesn’t do it for her. She doesn’t want to give up totally on sex with me, but says it is best if we just do it occasionally. Very occasionally. I struggle with this. I need more than just masturbation, and she understands that. After a lot of talking, she’s suggested we practice non-monogamy. (But just me, since she doesn’t want to have sex with anyone else). We have agreed on some rules: I can’t have sex with someone we know (I wouldn’t anyway), I can’t pay for it, and I must practice safe sex. But that’s as far as we’ve got. Please can you help us, as I don’t know what to do next. And just to clarify: we still love each other, we still want to spend the rest of our lives together, we get on really well, and I am not interested in a romantic relationship—just a ‘play partner.’

3) I loved the question asking you both what are three things you wouldn’t do in bed. Can I be cheeky and ask what three things you WOULD like to both do, but have never done!

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’m a 24-year-old woman and have never enjoyed sex because it hurts. I’ve been checked out by my doctor and there doesn’t seem to be anything anatomically wrong, but sex is never pleasant for me. Can you help?

2) I’m a 36-year-old man and have been secretly wearing women’s panties under my clothes for years. It's nothing sinister. I just like the feel of the fabric on my skin and that I'm doing something 'naughty.' I have never told anyone about this and have never been found out. For the first time, I am now in a relationship with a woman I think might understand and even indulge me. Do you think I should chance it and tell her? We’ve been together ten months and I want to marry her.

3) Can you suggest a way to speed up sex with my husband? He lasts forever and thinks it’s something to be proud of. I find it boring and I get sore. All I think about is how to make it end. 

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I like having sex with my partner, but get so easily distracted. One minute I'm into it, the next I'm worrying about something or spend the whole session thinking, 'Don't forget to do this or that' afterwards. It interferes with my enjoyment. How do I turn off my busy brain?

2) My partner has been hassling me to have anal sex for years. I finally gave in, and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. But it’s never going to be something I look forward to doing. Problem is, he now wants it all the time and sulks when I say no. He says it feels better because it feels tighter.

3) I’m a 46-year-old woman who has fallen in love with a 68-year-old man. My friends and family are horrified that I am considering a future with this man even though he doesn't look or act his age. I’m intelligent enough to guess the emotional issues we might confront and know that while the age difference doesn’t matter now, it will later. But what will happen sexually as time goes on? He has no erection problems now, but is there an age when men can no longer get erect? His appetite for sex is very strong but how long will that last? Is there an age when you stop desiring sex?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’m 38, have been single for a long time, and haven’t had sex in ages. I’ve now met someone and I’m panicking about having sex with him. I enjoyed sex when I was younger, but now feel like a sexual novice. It’s affecting my confidence and stopping me from enjoying the experience of having someone in my life again.

2) We have never tried sex toys and are also on a budget. What do you recommend we start with? We’re straight and in our late 40s. It’s a new relationship and both of us have been with conservative partners in the past, so are keen to make up for all we’ve missed out on.

3) For years I tried to change my husband into a better man. I failed and we divorced, and I’m still single. He remarried quickly and, according to our daughter, is now the perfect husband. I feel like I did all the work and his new wife is getting all the rewards. I don’t want to be bitter and twisted about it, but I am. What I don’t understand is this: why could he change with her, and not me?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) Is it wrong to fantasize about another person when you are in bed with your partner? I’ve been married for a very long time and—as you both talk about often—we feel more like friends than lovers. To make sex more arousing, I often fantasize about a woman at work who I mildly flirt with. I sometimes feel a little guilty. Should I? Is this something everyone does?

2) For years, I was in a sexless marriage with a husband who didn’t see me. I got friendly with a man I work with and ended up having an affair. It had more to do with loneliness than lust, even though I did care for him. My husband found out and all hell broke loose. We nearly split up, but therapy saved us. The thing is, I see the affair as something that saved our marriage. He sees it as a humiliating betrayal, even though he understands why I did it. I think it’s because he’s the big boss at work and isn’t used to not getting his way. He wants to pretend it never happened, whereas I would like to talk more about it because I see it as a positive thing.

3) Does every couple look each other in the eyes when having sex? Or does that just happen in the movies? I can look at my husband for a moment, but usually I want to focus on all the other senses. Plus, I worry my face looks weird. We have great sex, and although my husband looks at me a lot, it doesn’t bother him if I keep my eyes closed. Any tips on how to have longer eye contact and enjoy it? Is there any science related to eye contact during sex?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I get on well with my boss, but don’t find him attractive in any way. The other night, I had an extremely hot explicit dream about him, and it’s made me feel uncomfortable. Does it mean I secretly want to sleep with him? I often have odd sex dreams. Can you stop yourself from having them?

2) I’ve just started a new relationship and I’m nervous he’s not that into me sexually. We’ve only been together three months, and he sometimes struggles to get an erection—and often loses it when he goes down on me. We’re both young—early 20s. Shouldn’t he be up for it and hard as a rock at this age and stage? I’ve asked him about it, and he swears he finds me really attractive and says he’s always like that at the start.

3) I’m about to leave my boyfriend for a month to spend time with my family and am worried about how to keep each other sexually satisfied in the meantime. We’re quite good having phone and video sex (we both travel quite a bit), but a month is a long time. Do you have any tips or tricks to keep it all interesting for such a long period?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I am a straight man and have had a few long-term relationships in my life. Although I enjoy sex, I never ejaculate during intercourse. I am now 50. I can orgasm with intense fantasy and oral sex, but never during penetration. I have read about sensate focus, but are there other options? I am fit and healthy and have no problems ejaculating while masturbating.

2) My wife has put on a lot of weight and I’m simply not attracted to her anymore. I’m struggling to get an erection when she initiates sex, and rarely initiate myself. I still love her very much, but this is clearly a problem. How do I deal with this? She keeps asking me if I think she is fat and I keep saying no, but she’s probably twice the size she was when we first met.

3) I always thought my oral sex skills were second to none, but it’s clear my new partner isn’t impressed. I know I’m being childish, but I feel hurt. Why did it work on everyone but him? And what do I do now? I only know one way.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) My girlfriend and I seem to be going through a ‘dry spell.’ We haven’t had sex for about three months, and we used to have it weekly. Neither of us have talked about it and I feel like it’s becoming the elephant in the room. Life has been busy lately and I guess we just got out of the habit. How do we get back on track?

2) What’s your view on sharing sex fantasies with your partner? I would like to tell my boyfriend of three months some of mine, but is it a bit too early in the relationship? I’ve never shared a fantasy before, but think he could be open to it.

3) I’d like to spank my partner but how do I suggest it and what do I do? Any tips would be much appreciated. 

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I have some questions for each of you, rather than one of my own. Tracey, you’re always talking about the right things to do in bed but what about the wrong things? What are the top three things both of you would never do In bed?

2) What do penis sleeves feel like for women during sex? Do they feel realistic? We have been using them for years, mainly to help with my premature ejaculation during penetration. I would happily wear one every time for sex, but not sure if that’s something she would enjoy. Also, are they meant to be used to delay orgasm or to increase penis size?

3) I asked my wife to say mean things to me in bed – ridicule me about my exes, my penis size, my stamina. Now I struggle to get turned on without her doing it. If she’s nice to me or shows that I am satisfying her, my orgasm isn’t half as satisfying. What is it about humiliation that makes men like me enjoy it so much?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’m a 50-year-old woman and new to sex toys. I’ve tried a few Rabbit vibrators and find them all much too powerful and rough. Can you recommend something with a smaller, more gentle style? They all seem to advertise power as a plus, but for me it's awful!

2) I’m a 37 and have never had an orgasm (by myself or with a partner). My sex drive is low, but my husband is great at oral and he’s gotten me closer to an orgasm than anyone ever has. But I don’t want to spend 40 minutes with him going down on me—even though he's happy to—so I encourage him to switch to penetration and once he orgasms, I’m done. He’d like to go straight on to round two and continue having sex for ages. I know it’s about the journey, and not the destination. But if you don’t use an orgasm as a marker, how do you know when to end sex? How do I stop never-ending foreplay or extensive penetrative sessions without saying something hurtful like, ‘I’m bored’ or ‘This isn’t interesting enough to keep me from wanting to go to sleep’?

3) I’m a 38-year-old straight man and nervous about dating after leaving a long-term relationship. I wouldn’t say I’ve let myself go, but my body isn’t what it was. And it’s certainly not what I see on Instagram or mens' profiles in dating apps. I haven’t slept with anyone other than my girlfriend in 15 years and am worried I won’t measure up to this new body ideal. Am I being paranoid, or have the rules changed? 

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) Why do women need different things to orgasm each time? Just when I think I’ve got it all figured out and found the spot that makes my wife orgasm, she moves the goalposts. It seems to change every time. Is this true, or am I imagining it?

2) Which feels better for women: a short, fat penis or a long, thin one? I am tall and have a long, thin one but I’m never sure whether to feel smug when people talk about big penises. Mine is long in length, but not impressive in width. I haven’t had any complaints, but most of my exes are too polite to say anything. 

3) Why do most men stay silent during sex? Very few of the men I have been with talk dirty or moan. Is it to do with confidence? Do they feel silly making noise? Is this a ‘thing’ or just the men I’ve slept with?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) My question is about ‘face sitting’. My husband has asked me to try this with him, which I'm more than happy to do. But would like to know a bit more about it—especially because I'm a bigger girl and don't want to hurt him.

2) My girlfriend doesn’t love giving BJs, but will do so on occasion. If she doesn’t enjoy them, it’s not fun for either of us, and if that’s the case, that’s just the way it is. But do you have any tips on getting her to enjoy them that might make a difference?

3) My husband loves positions where he can penetrate deep inside me, but sometimes that’s painful for me. Is there anything we can do to stop it from hurting, but still make it fun for him?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I didn’t start having good sex until my early 30s, and within a few months of dating I started squirting. Now, it’s a ridiculous amount. I can’t have sex anywhere except on a waterproof mattress cover or blanket. Sometimes just kissing my partner makes me gush slightly which can be uncomfortable if I can’t immediately change underwear. We were hooking up in the kitchen the other day and I made a decent size puddle on the floor. Is there a way to lessen the amount of gushing or turn it off?

2) On Valentine’s Day, I gave my wife a gift—a clitoral suction toy. She enjoyed it so much that every time we have sex, she uses it. At first, I enjoyed it too (and my hands didn’t get as tired), but now I’m starting to worry. Will I become less attractive to her? Will we ever have sex without toys? Is sex with me boring or not as pleasurable? How should I deal with this?

3) I’m a married man in a loving relationship and enjoying great sex with my wife. Over time, I’ve realized that I’m also attracted to men, though I’ve never fallen in love with one. I’ve been exploring my sexuality privately, but I’m unsure how to navigate this while being committed to my marriage. I’m still very attracted to my wife and don’t want to lie to her, but I also want to keep our marriage alive. Do you know anyone else who has been in a similar situation? How did they approach it, and what advice do you have for exploring bisexuality in a way that respects your partner and relationship?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) My wife and I, both in our late 30s, have always enjoyed an adventurous sex life. She’s always watched porn, which leaves me cold but never bothered me. But now she wants to watch it together. I really don’t want to, and it’s causing arguments. She thinks I’m ‘weird’ and says I’m probably the only man in the world who would say no to this request.

2) I’m really into having my nipples bitten HARD, but find men are nervous about doing this. How can I convince them it doesn’t hurt me? It’s the one sure way to push myself into orgasm if I’m having problems getting there. 

3) I want to ask my new girlfriend to give me an orgasm via prostate massage using a sex toy or her finger. A previous partner did this, and it was the most intense, deep orgasm I have ever experienced. I’m nervous to suggest it in case she thinks it’s dirty. When should I bring it up and how?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’ve been listening to your podcast since the beginning and my question is similar to other male listeners: I'm 51, my wife is 55, and we’ve been married for 20 years. We have four kids in their older teens. Our sex life has been virtually non-existent for at least six years, and we have had no sex at all in the last year. We don't even sleep in same bed anymore. We tried therapy and that didn't work. My wife suffers from migraines and insomnia. I try to be empathetic, but I'm getting frustrated. Time is running out for us and I don't want to be in a sexless marriage for the rest of our lives. I love my wife and our family, but I’m a virile man. What can I do?

2) What’s the etiquette when you surprise your partner as they are masturbating? This happened to me last week. Do you creep out hoping they didn’t see you (sadly they did)? Do you apologize briefly and leave them to it? If you do, what do you say when you see them next? Acknowledge the act or simply make no comment at all? Do you offer a hand or join in? I was utterly lost for words. We both masturbate on our own every now and then, but have never come across the other in the act itself. I’d be so interested to get your take.

3) What do you do if you’re on the verge on an orgasm but can’t seem to get over the hump? I’m a 26-year-old straight woman.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) My girlfriend’s idea of perfect sex is both of us having orgasms as quickly as possible. Skip the foreplay, get naked, apply the lube, and get straight into intercourse. My idea of perfect sex is a bit of flirting, undressing each other, making her climax a few times during foreplay, then penetration in as many different positions as we can manage until we’re both fully satisfied. Any suggestions for some sort of compromise?

2) My friend is Indian and had an arranged marriage. She was a virgin at 34 when she got married, even though she’s sexually educated and masturbates. I was dreading the worst, but her marriage is happier—sexually and relationship-wise—than any other marriage in our friend group. Is there any evidence that having lots of casual sex doesn’t necessarily make you happier long-term?

3) My husband and I are in our 40s and have been married 20 years. We’re madly in love and still have sex at least three times a week. My husband has a VERY high sex drive and this is the compromise we have settled on because more than three times is too much for me and less for him is unthinkable. We have three kids, I work a high-pressure job, and I do the kids' and home responsibilities. I think he should look after himself by masturbating, but he can't masturbate to completion. He says it's a psychological thing: it makes him feel unloved, unwanted, and unattractive. I'm so tired of this being a strain on our marriage. I’ve suggested therapy, but he says he can't talk about such sensitive stuff with a stranger.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) After years of having really good sex, my partner is now avoiding it. He’s 48. You always say if a man over 40 suddenly goes off sex, he’s having erection problems. I think you’re right because the last few times we did attempt sex, he couldn’t get hard. The thing is, we’re good at having sex, but not so good at talking about it. I have no idea of how to address the issue. Can you help?

2) Our sex life is good, but we only ever do it doggy style or missionary. To be honest, we were quite happy with just doing those positions because the relationship was new. Now, we're two years in and we're thinking we should try something new. We're not interested in difficult, show-off positions like up against a wall, so keep it simple please!

3) I’m a 34-year-old straight guy and in a relationship that I’d describe as 'okay.' I’ve been with my girlfriend for three years. Sometimes, we have a great time together and I think how much I love her. But when we argue—which is often—it feels very much like I should end it. I’ve been wrestling with this stay or leave decision for about a year now. Any clues to help me decide?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) My partner of four years is quite strange sexually. He seems to quite enjoy sex when I make the first move, but never initiates otherwise. He performs oral sex, but only if I insist and I can tell he doesn’t really like it. I thought he might be struggling with his sexuality and trying to force himself to be straight when he’s really gay, but he assures me that’s not the case. He tells me detailed stories about the great sex he’s had with women in the past—I think to convince me he isn’t gay—but that just makes me feel worse. Why isn’t he interested in having fun, adventurous sex with me? My self-esteem is being eroded and I’m not sure what to do.

2) My wife has very large breasts and I’m not ashamed to say, they were the main reason why I was so attracted to her. She’s always found them a problem and has booked to get a breast reduction. She’s 40. I understand that they hurt her back and she’s tired of men looking at them, but I’m nervous. What if I don’t find her attractive with normal size breasts? I know this sounds selfish, but I have always been a breast man and I’ve never been out with a woman who doesn’t have big breasts.

3) I’m a 43-year-old woman and I have two young children (aged two and four). I’ve always loved sex and made resuming sex after childbirth a priority. My problem is my orgasms aren’t as strong as they used to be. I used to orgasm hard—and loud! But now all I feel is a much weaker contraction. Will they ever return to normal? 

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I'm a 50-year-old man from Amsterdam and a loyal listener to your podcast. I'm married to a wonderful 48-year-old woman, and our love and sex life is good. However, my wife has recently started worrying a lot about menopause and its effects on her body and sex drive. Could you discuss this topic?

2) My boyfriend and I became polyamorous six months ago. He said he loves me and wants to be with me, but hadn’t had his share of casual sex. I’ve had more sexual partners than he has, and he feels he missed out. We’re in our early 30s and plan on having kids soon. He's had four casual sexual relationships since we opened up our relationship which has made him happy, but me miserable. I thought I could handle non-monogamy, but I hate it. What should I do now?

3) I’m a 21-year-old straight man and terrified of sexual situations and not being able to perform. How do I fix this before I have sex so I can do a decent job?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’m recently back in the dating game and wondering if there are generally accepted definitions of vanilla/non-vanilla? So far, I've ducked all the likes from guys who describe themselves as 'non-vanilla' in case I disappoint. I'm late 50s cis female heterosexual, I love sex, and have a very healthy libido. I'm very comfortable about my body, love having sex outside, and enjoy oral and anal (including anal sex and pegging if it excites a partner). I’m into lots of toy play, sharing porn, or making home porn. I’m comfortable masturbating with or in front of a partner and occasionally enjoy light bondage. But I’m monogamous and have never had any interest in bringing other people into play. I've also never felt any urge to explore anything more BDSM than the light bondage. Am I vanilla or non-vanilla?

2) I found some flirty messages on my wife’s phone and think she is having an emotional affair. I challenged her about it and she said she’d stop. But how do I keep calm and bring back trust, knowing she meets the same person daily? Is messaging a red flag that a real affair is about to happen? Shall I wait and see, ignore her, or do the same so she becomes jealous?

3) I have found a great guy. He’s kind, caring, fun, adores me, and would be a great partner and father if we had kids. He’s creative in the bedroom which is important to me and everything I've been looking for…but I don't feel satisfied after sex. We’ve been going out for 18 months. At the beginning, the sex wasn't great, but now he’s learned what works. He gets really turned on by me, which turns me on. I enjoy the sex, but I don’t get a sense of deep satisfaction. Does this mean the relationship is doomed if the spark isn’t there?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) My partner is very shy when it comes to talking about sex. He found a sex compatibility quiz which we took as a way to open communication between us and the results showed we’re very in sync. In the quiz, he expressed interest in using a penis ring. But how do I know which one to buy, and what is the best way to use it? We’re a hetero couple, both 30, healthy, and have sex twice a week. He doesn’t have issues with stamina—sometimes quite the opposite (which makes him self-conscious). I’m worried if I get the wrong one, it will exacerbate that for him.

2) My wife of 30 years says she’d like more romance when I initiate sex. But she’s not a flower type of person. I know everyone's definition of romance is different, but do you have any suggestions for me?

3) Can women have premature orgasms? I sometimes feel like I orgasm way too fast, and sex is over before I want it to be. I know I could aim for another, but I’m generally done after one orgasm. I have my orgasms through my girlfriend using her fingers on me or through oral sex. There’s a lot of information about men having orgasms before they’re ready, but I can’t find anything on women. I’m 26 and lesbian.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I split with my husband of 14 years and my divorce has just come through. I’m a combination of nervous and excited. The marriage wasn’t bad, it was just boring and the sex was never good or satisfying. I’m now ready to get out there and start dating again, but I’m nervous about sex. Any tips on how to ease back into it? I’m 46.

2) I love my wife but I have just finished a work affair that lasted two months. I didn’t finish it, she did. The affair was just sex—she chased me, rather than me making the moves—so I guess you would call it an opportunistic affair. I’ll miss the sex, but I’m glad it’s over and I am praying my wife will never find out. What concerns me though is how easy I found it to cheat. Is this a male thing? It meant nothing to me, but I know my wife sure as hell wouldn’t view it that way. I feel ashamed now that it’s over, but I didn’t while I was having it. Does this mean I will do it again?

3) How do I stay in the moment during sex? I am so easily distracted, half the time I forget I’m actually having sex. I drift off into my own world, thinking about things I have to do or things I want to buy.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) Even when I've had plenty of foreplay and I'm certain I'm turned on, when my partner first enters me it's like he's stuck for a moment. It’s like my vagina won't let him in. He’s able to ease in after a few seconds and intercourse is great after that. It doesn't hurt, but I find it a bit awkward and confusing because I'm not sure what's going on. It’s like he's hitting a wall. Do you have any thoughts? This has happened with multiple people, so the problem is clearly me. I’m 30.

2) I’ve been with my partner for 12 years and our sex life is pretty good, but we don’t do it that frequently. Twice a month is all we manage. A friend passed on an old book called 365 Nights where a couple has sex every single day to revamp their sex life. They had sex no matter what. It’s a very interesting read, and I’m tempted to give it a go. Maybe not every day, but every second day. Good or bad idea?

3) My partner won’t have sex unless she has a shower first. I’m all for hygiene, but I like the smell of her before she’s showered, not after. Then I can smell when she’s aroused—she gives off a scent that really turns me on. Post-shower she smells of nothing. I’ve told her this, but she still insists on doing it. How can I change her mind?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) My girlfriend and I went through a period of not having sex—we were so busy it got forgotten about. We made a point of having sex every Friday night—and now it’s stuck. We now ONLY have sex on Friday nights. She really likes this arrangement, but I hate having sex on a schedule. How can I make her more spontaneous?

2) I am way more adventurous than my wife of many years and sex has become difficult for her lately (mostly due to painful sex). She knows my needs aren’t being met and told me she’d be OK if I had ‘mindless sex’ with someone else, provided there was no emotional attachment. She said there would be ground rules—it can’t be with anyone we know, she doesn’t want to hear or know about it, and I must practice safe sex. So, what should I do? Accept what is a genuine and, I believe, truly loving offer, or turn it down? At my age (I’m in my 60s) I feel it’s now or never. That sexually adventurous side of me has never been explored before, which I think is a bit sad. Any thoughts would be appreciated greatly.

3) I’m a 37-year-old straight man and I’ve always loved sex, but find I’m losing my appetite. During lockdown, my wife and I worked from home. I still work from home—and it’s killed my sex drive. I’m bored and I masturbate too much to porn to relieve the boredom. I know that’s part of the problem, but I’ve lost all motivation to shake myself out of this. I can’t be the only person feeling like this.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’ve lost a lot of weight using Ozempic and am delighted with how my body looks. I feel brand new and—at last—sexy and desirable. After years of complaining that I never initiate sex and accusing me of not even liking sex, I thought my husband would be pleased with my newfound confidence. I’m now super keen to try new things and have sex more often. I thought he would be happy with all these changes, but he just seems nervous about it all. He says he finds it "weird" that I’m the one now wanting sex. I’m confused and hurt.

2) I’m a 27-year-old man and very much in love with my girlfriend of five years. Even though I’m essentially straight, I’ve always wanted to experiment sexually with another man. I have no desire to live as a gay man—I’m just curious what it would be like to sleep with one. I find it unfair that bi-curiosity is encouraged with women but not with men. My girlfriend has no idea I feel this way. I want to tell her and ask if we could explore this somehow, but I don’t want to lose her.

3) I’m 46 and it’s finally dawned on me that, as much as I love sex, I don’t love sex in long-term relationships. I enjoy the power sex gives me over men. I love the game you both play at the start, and the moment when you first, finally, consummate all that pent-up lust. The first two months are fantastic but then, quickly, I lose interest in sex with that person completely. I kept searching for that magic person or relationship when the switch wouldn’t go off, but it’s never happened and never will happen. My question now is: what are my options? I can’t be the only one who feels like this. What do other people do?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) My partner makes strange noises during sex and it really puts me off. It’s like a whimpering noise—it sounds exactly like the noise my dog makes when I’ve locked her outside. I nearly burst out laughing the first time I heard it, now it’s just a turnoff. We’re four months into the relationship. How do I bring this up?

2) I have (finally) met a great guy and the sex is good—he definitely gets me hot and bothered—but I can’t feel him inside of me. It’s the ‘Is it in yet?’ thing. His penis is on the small side, but I don’t think it’s that small. Any ideas on why this might be happening and how to improve things?

3) I’m newly divorced and hopeful I will meet someone new. My issue is my kids. They love their father and didn’t want us to divorce (we have a boy aged nine and a girl aged 12). My question is what do I tell my kids when I meet someone? When should they meet him? Can he ever stay over? What if it’s just a fling and I don’t want them to meet him? Do I still let them know something is happening?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I think my partner is faking orgasm because when he ejaculates, no semen comes out. The first time it happened, I asked him why there wasn’t much stuff. He said he didn’t know why and walked off. Since then, it happens now and then. I don’t say anything because I don’t want to embarrass him. Why would he fake it? Do men fake it? Is there another reason why this is happening?

2) I recently discovered my husband of 22 years has a fake vagina sex toy and it’s freaked me out. We’re both open and adventurous with sex, so why would he need such a thing? It’s shaped like a woman’s bottom and has a hole for the anus and vagina. It’s ribbed inside, so he obviously puts his penis inside and masturbates into it. I’m not against sex toys—he used to own a Fleshlight—but I find this disturbing and somehow degrading to women. He’s hidden it from me, so obviously feels embarrassed as well. Should I tell him I’ve found it?

3) I’m a 27-year-old female who is interested in exploring with the same sex. The issue I have is that I only seem to be able to orgasm using a vibrator, and the thought of giving oral sex/hand sex to another woman makes me anxious. If I can't pleasure myself this way, how can I expect to pleasure someone else? Men seem so much easier to please, and there's an obvious end point because they ejaculate. Any tips or advice to calm the nerves would be much appreciated.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I love watching BDSM porn and have a masochistic kink. My wife enjoys sex, but is pretty conservative in what she likes. I’ve told her I’d quite enjoy being tied up or spanked and she looked shocked, so I didn’t pursue it. How do I let her know I’d really like her to indulge me a little during sex without her thinking I’m perverted?

2) My husband and I have been together since college, married 37 years—and I absolutely adore him. A few years ago, he went through what appeared to be a mid-life crisis. He spent a lot of time in bars chatting up the cute, young bartenders and waitresses and looking them up online. He also went to strip clubs and lied to me about what he was doing. I was crushed, but we went to couples therapy and things are so much better. The problem is me. How do I trust again, move on, and stop obsessing? He says he was drinking too much, hanging out with the wrong people, and is very ashamed, embarrassed, and sorry. But when I ask him more probing questions about it, he completely shuts down. He will go to his grave with what happened, and I worry it was bad. But does it even matter? We are in such a good place now and we have a wonderful life. I need to forgive, forget, and move on, but I can’t. I've seen a therapist on my own and feel it isn't really helping.

3) Sometimes, when I’m having sex, I’m really up for it and aroused, but then lose arousal just before an orgasm can happen. I miss the moment. It’s frustrating. Why does this happen, and how can I stop it happening?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) My partner of four years has a friend who has opened up their relationship after having been married for nine years. Apparently, it’s working well. They have ‘sex only’ relationships, stick to some rules, and say it’s made them love each other more and enjoy sex more. My partner is intrigued by the idea and asked if I would be open to trying it. I can see the appeal, but it’s not something I am interested in at all. I was devastated when he suggested it, but not surprised. I handled it well and simply told him I needed time, even though inside I felt like I was dying. I don’t want to do this, but I don’t want to lose him either. How do I handle it?

2) I’m a 35-year-old straight man and actively sexual with multiple partners. Giving my partner oral sex is something I do without thinking. I can’t imagine having sex without it because the pleasure goes both ways. But I have recently been made aware that there is a link between oral sex and throat or mouth cancer for men with lots of partners. Is this media hype? Should I stop having oral sex just in case?

3) A friend of mine can’t orgasm no matter what she tries. I orgasm very easily and have told her all the things that help me, like using a vibrator, reading a book with a hot sex scene in it, and getting my boyfriend to give me oral sex. No matter what she tries nothing happens, and this has been going on for years. I feel so sorry for her. Can every woman orgasm? Could it be that she’s never going to have one? I don’t know else to suggest.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) My partner’s favorite position is doggy-style in front of a mirror. I hate sex from behind—I like face-to-face positions so we can kiss. I also hate watching myself naked because I focus on all that’s wrong with my body and can’t enjoy myself. My partner knows this, but I also know it’s his favorite thing and don’t want to deny him. Any tips on how to keep both of us happy?

2) I am in my 50s and have completely lost my libido. I thought when I started HRT this would resolve, but it hasn’t. I’ve tried several different types, but to no avail. 

I have a stressful life working shifts and I’m also doing a demanding academic course part-time. My husband of seven years equates sex with love and is really fed up as I never initiate sex and we don’t kiss much. I have contacted my doctor, but they have done nothing to help. Please help, as I’m scared my husband will walk away.

3) My new boyfriend is uncircumcised and this is totally new for me. Any tips on how to give a hand-job and oral sex to a man who has a foreskin? Because it’s early days, we’re using condoms and practicing safe sex. I’m also struggling to get the condom on—and for it to stay on. 

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) When I first got together with my partner of four years, we had lots of fun tying each other up. That stopped about a year ago and I really miss it, so I asked if we could incorporate it back into our lovemaking. The very same night, I walked into the bedroom ready for bed—not even slightly in the mood for sex—and there was a tie on the bed. I asked him what it was for, and he said to tie me up. I was in my dressing gown, listening to a podcast, slippers on—how could he not see that was not the time? I told him his timing was off and felt annoyed that he didn’t get that. I don’t want this to be a box that he's ticked—I want it to happen naturally, when we’re both really turned on and in the mood. It’s now been two months and he hasn’t initiated any tie-up sessions since. I don’t understand why, when I was very clear in what I wanted. Why doesn’t he want to please me?

2) My husband and I have sex once every two months. We have two young kids, so that seemed about right to me. Recently, I used his computer and looked at his history and was quite shocked to see he’d been watching porn earlier that day while I was out. I’d be happy to have sex more often and feel insulted he’d prefer to masturbate to porn than have sex with me. Why didn’t he ask? Should I confront him about this? I feel quite hurt.

3) I’m a 29-year-old female and I have a hard time orgasming. I've done a lot of research and listened to many of your podcasts. I've bought the toys, my partner is patient and generous—there is no good reason I shouldn't be successful! When I am able to orgasm, I have to tighten the muscles in my legs and lower abdomen. I also hold my breath. I read online that this is called a ‘tension orgasm’ and that the best fix is to relearn the way I orgasm. I've tried, but the sensation won't even begin to build unless my legs are flexed. I can vibrate, stroke for an hour or more and never feel an ounce of arousal. What gives?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I feel like your inbox for this podcast is full of questions like mine. I’ve been married for 26 years, and our sex life quietly died about 10 years ago. I’ve been listening to you both and I know this is normal. What I want to find out is if my wife misses our sex, or if she is happy with not having it? We’re best friends and still sleep naked, we just never initiate sex. We’ve never talked about sex before, even though we both enjoyed it in the past. How do I start the conversation after all this time?

2) I’m a 36-year-old man and have just gone through a particularly nasty breakup with my girlfriend of 10 years. I’m not interested in having another relationship for a LONG time, if ever, but I do miss sex. I have a group of close friends, and one of them has intimated she’d be up for a friends-with-benefits arrangement. Seems like a good idea to me. What do you think?

3) I hope you can help me because I think I must be a terrible lover. My long-term boyfriend just broke-up with me, and the main reason why was that he didn’t enjoy having sex with me. He said I never once initiated sex and didn’t ever seem to enjoy it. He knows I don’t have much experience and am naturally shy, but said there was ‘lots of other stuff’ as well (which he didn’t elaborate on). It's stripped me of what little confidence I did have. How do you tell if you’re good in bed? What do I have to do to become good in bed?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) My husband and I are each other’s first loves. We’re now twenty years on, 10 years married with a child and I feel at a loss. Our sex life is robotic and boring, once or twice a month. Same foreplay, same position. I have repeatedly suggested trying new things, but it’s always met with resistance, no willingness to talk or try anything. Frankly, he has no clue how to make me orgasm. I can count on one hand how many times that’s happened. I have shown and guided him, he’s just not interested. He expects oral sex, but has never and is not willing to give it. He’s a great dad. I love him, but that is reducing all the time. Sometimes I dread it when he kisses me. Our child is growing up and less dependent. I’m entering mid-life in a loveless, sexless marriage. The appeal of meeting someone who would want to have more meaningful sex and experiment is huge. How on earth do we get a sex life and nearer to where I want it to be?

2) I am a 28-year-old straight man and I orgasm so fast, it’s humiliating. It’s barely a minute between when I penetrate and orgasm. I’m so embarrassed I haven’t had sex for six months. What can I do to overcome this? I’ve tried a delay spray and it did nothing.

3) I love your podcast and you’ve encouraged me to try new things with my partner of four years. But it backfired on me. I thought he’d be impressed by my new trick (it was an oral sex technique) but it had the opposite effect to what I intended: he lost his erection! He seemed annoyed that I’d done something different than the norm rather than impressed. Why? I’m completely demoralized and annoyed with him, and now don’t feel like making an effort at all.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I love sex and I love the feeling of orgasm, but I’ve never been able to have more than one. Are all women capable of multiple orgasms, and how can I increase my chances of having one?

2) I’m a straight guy wanting to suggest a threesome with my wife of four years. She’s really into sex and very adventurous, but I’ve never suggested anything like this or even asked if she’s had one in the past. I have. I would love to see her with another woman, so it would be a male/female/female combination. Any suggestions on how to suggest this without causing issues? I feel very nervous about it.

3) Love the podcast and am guessing you will both tell me to mind my own business, but I’m worried about my 24-year-old son. He doesn’t seem to have any interest in getting a girlfriend or having casual sex. He knows I’ve had a colorful past (nice way of saying a lot of partners before I met his dad) and I’ve asked him why he isn’t out there exploring. His answer was that he’s not that intrigued by sex. After a bit of digging, he said he’s scared by what’s expected of him and not sure he wants the sex he sees on porn. I didn’t ask outright, but I’m guessing he’s a virgin. Is this normal? I can’t imagine why a 24-year-old good-looking boy isn’t interested in sex.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’m wondering if I’m a little full on too early on when I go on dates. I love having deep, intense conversations and hate small talk. Some men seem to love it, but one guy recently told me I was a ‘bit heavy’ and to ‘lighten up a bit.’ What’s your view on this?

2) I was diagnosed with depression in my early 20s and have been on and off anti-depressants all my life. When I take the pills, I have no desire to have sex at all. When I do, it’s not enjoyable: stimulation feels stunted and it’s hard to reach a climax. My mood is better when I’m on them, but I feel I have to stop them for the sake of my relationship. My partner is very understanding, but it’s not fair: we’re only in our late 30s. I’ve been off them for three months this time and not noticed any return of my libido. Will it eventually come back?

3) We’re a straight couple in our early 40s. We’d both rate our sex life as good, but we are a bit lazy and don’t try new things very often. Maybe we aren’t terribly imaginative. Any suggestions on what to try? Also, how often should you try something new?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I have my best orgasms using my wand vibrator. My old boyfriend didn’t have an issue with using it in bed with us (though he was the first man I’ve ever used it with). Now, I’m with someone new—about two months in—and want to bring it up. Any hints on what to say? My previous boyfriend was the one to suggest it last time.

2) I’ve been to hell and back in my marriage. My partner confessed to having a three-month affair with a woman at his work. We’ve been to therapy and have decided to work through it, but we haven’t had sex since I found out about her. Anytime I get a sexual thought, an image of him with her squashes it. That’s all I see: him with someone else. How do I get past this and enjoy sex again?

3) I love 69ers but I often end up unsatisfied. Seems to me like one person always misses out—usually me! My partner is more interested with what I’m doing to him and loses interest in stimulating me. It can also be uncomfortable. Any suggestions on how to make 69ers a bit more satisfying?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I want to stop taking the Pill because it doesn’t agree with me. I’ve tried taking different types and I’m not suitable for a coil, so the obvious alternative is for my partner to wear condoms. I don’t mind condoms, but he can’t stand them and is making a huge deal of it. He says he’d rather not have sex than have sex using one. We now haven’t had sex for two months and neither of us are budging. I’ve been responsible for our contraception for the last 15 years, why can’t he see how selfish he’s being?

2) Since nursing my first baby, I haven’t been able to experience my breasts as sexual. I’m now divorced and have a second child who is two years old. 

I’m seeing someone and want to get sexual, but I still have this block with my breasts. I really used to enjoy having breast play, now they feel like they have a different (utilitarian) job. I associate them with feeding my babies, and I don’t know how to switch back. How do I get past this? How do I feel sexual again?

3) Tracey, I know you are porn-positive but I wanted to check if my porn viewing habits are normal. I’m a straight women and while I have nothing against women having sex with women, I have no desire to do it in real life. Yet, I almost exclusively watch lesbian porn. I asked one other female friend and she said that’s what she watches as well. Is this usual?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’m 40 and out here dating men again after an amicable divorce. I’ve been using dating apps and hooked up with two guys using them. I ended up having sex with both men, even though I didn’t really want to. I’m not quite sure how the dating apps work: are you obliged to have sex if you meet up with someone through them? Should I tell the guy beforehand that I might not be up for sex and just want to hang out? In both cases, it felt like sex was what we were both meeting up for and I went through with it because I didn’t want to look stupid—like I didn’t know the score. It felt kind of rude not to. I didn’t feel great afterward, and I don’t want a repeat but I do know I probably need to use the apps to meet someone. Help! What are the rules?

2) I have a weird, disturbing sexual fantasy that I play in my head to make me orgasm when I masturbate. It never fails to get me going—but I hate that it does. Is it possible to reset your sexual fantasies? I don’t understand why something that repulses me when I’m not turned on, arouses me sexually?

3) For the last few weeks, I’ve been having dreams about my husband being unfaithful. They’re so powerful and real, I wake up feeling hurt and furious with him. Even when I realize it’s just a dream, the anger and resentment stays. It hovers for days at a time. He’s never been unfaithful in real life, but these dreams persist. I wonder if it’s my subconscious telling me something. Should I be worried he really is about to cheat? I haven’t mentioned anything to him yet because it seems silly, but he’s noticed that I’m a bit off with him.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’m a recovering alcoholic and up until 49, had never had sex sober. I’m now in a relationship (been together three years) and overall, we are both happy. The problem is we are very different types when it comes to sex. He is adventurous, I’m not (since I’ve been sober). He’s talked before about how good sex was with his ex-partners (they did anal play and more). I now dread having sex because I think he is bored. I was open to role-play but after several attempts (which I thought went well), it seems to have died a quick death. I don’t mind giving him a BJ, but he says I don’t get it right. Last night, we were chatting about life’s ups and downs, and I asked him if I disappointed him and he reluctantly said, yes, in bed. I don’t want us to split up over this as I can’t see life without him, but I don’t know how to handle it anymore.

2) My partner uses Viagra to make his erections stronger and I’m keen to try it. I’ve read some online stories of women who claim it makes sex feel better—as in they felt like it more. Is it safe, and what should I expect if I do try it?

3) I’m a 33-year-old straight woman and in a new relationship. I’m loving this guy out of bed, but not in it. There’s nothing wrong with his lovemaking skills, but he is obsessed with my orgasms. When he’s giving me oral sex or using his fingers on me, he spends the whole time asking if he’s doing it right and whether I’m going to come yet. Needless to say, I often don’t with all this interruption. When I don’t orgasm (I gave up faking years ago), he gets paranoid. Questions me about what he did wrong and how can he make sure he gets it right next time. I suppose in one sense I should be pleased he cares, but it doesn’t feel like this is about my pleasure, more his ego. How can I get him to stop?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) My husband and I have been married for almost 15 years. Now that our children aren't babies anymore our sex life is being resurrected from the dead and better than ever. My husband has expressed an interest in me pegging him. I'll try anything once, especially since it's his hole and not mine. I'm writing to ask for pointers. What do I need to know? How can I make this more enjoyable for him? Tracey, do you have a book chapter on this? I'm so grateful this is anonymous!! I'm not willing to bring this up with my girlfriends.

2) We’ve moved houses and made friends with our neighbors who are the same age as us (early 40s). Their bedroom is near ours and we can hear them having sex. We were quite happy with our sex life, but now feel boring. They have sex for ages and make a lot of noise. They haven’t been together as long as us (15 years compared to their 2 years) but it’s still making us feel uncomfortable.

3) My husband of 20 years handed me his phone recently to look up information online while he was busy making dinner. While I was at it, I noticed that he's got the same period calendar installed as I have. Later, I took a closer look and saw that it had information about my cycle. That's fine, but he also has been putting notes on the calendar about our sex life and his masturbation habits. He writes comments like if I had an orgasm or if I finished by masturbating and who initiated, and—rightly noted by him—it's almost always me. It's like he's bookkeeping our intimacy. This also revealed to me that he masturbates way more than I knew: about 15 times a month in addition to the days we have sex together (which is about once a week). I feel like I want to confront him with this, but I'm reluctant to do it because I'm not sure how I feel about it. This didn't strike me well, but now I'm not so sure. Isn't this creepy?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:

1) Why can’t my husband change the way he approaches me for sex? He gives me this look that makes me want to run away…it’s primal, and it doesn’t feel good. I want him to start by just holding me and listening to me, but he says that isn’t what he wants at that time. Please help us with our communication!

2) I’d love to know what you think of my situation. I’ve been with my partner for five years. We’re a straight couple and in our late 30s. It took me a long time to find a partner, and I worry that I compromised too much in the end. We get on okay, but I don’t feel passionate about him and I worry I am with him because it’s lonely being single. Our relationship seems based more on friendship than love.

3) You’ve talked a lot about women going off sex on this podcast, but I have the opposite issue. My long-term partner has completely lost interest in me sexually and we haven’t had sex for three years. When I try to talk about it, he looks embarrassed and fobs me off and says he doesn’t want to talk about it. I am in my late 40s and keep myself looking good. I feel humiliated that he doesn’t find me sexually attractive anymore. All my other friends have husbands who hassle them for sex and I can’t get mine to look at me naked.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://sextokpod.com/anonymous-questions

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:

1) I am having an emotional affair with one of my coworkers. I’ve been married for almost 10 years and although I know this isn’t right, it’s making me feel alive again. Every part of me wants to sleep with this man but I don’t want to hurt my husband’s feelings, and I don’t want it to ruin my marriage. But I have a deep desire to have this experience. What is your advice? It seems like both choices will hurt.

2) I’m dating a man with a small penis. It’s not a problem for me because intercourse is my least favorite thing about sex, and I orgasm easily through oral sex. But I can tell he’s paranoid about it and it’s making me feel uncomfortable. It’s the elephant in the room. I think he’s desperate to talk about it but I’m not sure how to broach the topic. I can’t just say, ‘Hey, so your penis is really small. Do you want to talk about that?’

3) I enjoy having sex but not without having a glass of wine or cocktail before. I used to be able to get in the mood, but now I need to be a bit tipsy? Is this okay?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://sextokpod.com/anonymous-questions

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:

1) You talk a lot about how most women have their orgasms through oral sex, but I’ve had more than one girlfriend push me away when I try to go down on her. They say they just aren’t into it. Is this true, or are there other reasons they aren’t telling me?

2) I’m a 48-year-old woman and have been happily married for 12 years, but am feeling destabilized. I’ve made a new female friend, and I am more than a little obsessed with her husband. He is everything my husband isn’t: good-looking, successful, sporty. My husband is a lovely man, but he doesn’t tick any of these boxes. I’m now having sexual fantasies about this guy. It’s making me feel miserable and I’m starting to avoid having sex with my husband.

3) Can you tell me the difference between anal play and anal sex? I wish they would call it by something else because then I would be more interested in it. I hear about it all the time now, but I’m not even sure what anal play means.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://sextokpod.com/anonymous-questions

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:

1) After a few relationships in my twenties, I have enjoyed ten years of being (voluntarily) single, but am now looking to meet someone new. I’m keen for my next relationship to have open, honest communication around sex. I know it’s easier to start as you mean to go on, so I’d like to ask when and how I can start to set this precedent?

2) I'm a 42 year-old female and it has always taken me ages to orgasm; but, once I've had an orgasm I'm so sensitized I can't be touched...anywhere. As a result, I generally just fake it for my partner so he orgasms, and always feel unsatisfied. Is this normal, or is there something I can do to desensitize myself?

3) I’m 46 and back dating after a messy divorce. I was married for 20 years and feeling a bit nervous about it all. My main concern is safe sex. I’m on the Pill so protected against pregnancy, but should I be using a condom? I didn’t like using them in my 20s, but maybe they’ve changed now. What’s the etiquette? Do I bring some with me? Should I suggest it, or wait for him to? How likely is it to catch anything later in life?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://sextokpod.com/anonymous-questions

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’m 36 and just started a relationship with a man I really like. He’s more experienced than me—he’s had lots of relationships, and I’ve only had two long-term relationships. Because of that, I tend to leave it up to him to initiate sex and take the lead in bed. He mentioned recently that it would be great if I was the one to suggest sex now and then. I want to do it, but I’ve never initiated sex before. Can you give me some practical suggestions?

2) My partner and I love your show! You talk a lot about power games and how they can add excitement. We get the concept that one person is dominant and one submissive, but what do we actually do? Can you give us some scenarios of what we might try?

3) My boyfriend is slim and I’m a generous size 16. I’m confident with my curves, though I have the odd day where I worry about being bigger than my boyfriend. He constantly tells me I am his ultimate fantasy and is always commenting on my curves and saying how sexy my body is. I just have to touch him and he gets hard. Should I be worried that I’m being fetishized for being bigger? My boyfriend has asked if I would stand in front of him while he pleasures himself. It feels strange not to be actively participating in his pleasure and just to stand in front naked. Is this normal?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) How do you have a cervical orgasm? I’ve heard Kelsey talk about it and I’m intrigued. How do you do it? It sounds quite full on and intense and I want to have one!

2) I’m a 36-year-old straight woman and feel like I’m a boring lover. How can I be wilder in bed? I’ve done all the usual things—oral sex, different intercourse positions, hand jobs, BJs—but nothing beyond that. I don’t even know what else there is to do! I’m so vanilla! Can you give me some ideas of what to try and how to get over the embarrassment I feel when trying out new things?

3) I enjoy sex with my girlfriend but I don’t like to lie and cuddle afterwards. It’s not that I don’t love her, I just feel irritable and anxious after I’ve had an orgasm. I’m not sure why. I’ve asked my male friends and it doesn’t happen to them.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I thought I’d never have to stare at a strange ceiling again, but here I am: newly separated and back out there again. I had a healthy amount of sexual experience before my marriage, but I’ve slept with no one but my husband for 25 years (I’m 52). I’m a confident person, but the thought of sleeping with someone new terrifies me. Can you give me some dos and don’ts of first-time sex with a new lover to help me through?

2) I’m a 29-year-old straight man and I need your help Tracey! I don’t think I am very good at giving women hand jobs. There’s a distinct lack of enthusiasm, and they seem too eager to move onto other things. What could I be doing wrong? Do I go there too soon? Am I too rough? I ask if she’s enjoying it, and most women say 'yes' even though I can tell they’re lying.

3) I’m sure you get this question every day: how do I make myself want sex more? Every guy I’ve been with wants sex more than me. I want to have a high libido, but, apart from at the beginning I don’t think I do. Can I change that?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) My son is 25 and I’m 44. I split from his father soon after he was born and we are very close. He still lives at home and often has friends around, all of which I know well. Here’s the part I need advice on: one of his friends has a crush on me and it's flattering. I’ve seen him watching me and he flirts a lot, but he told me recently that he can’t stop thinking about me and would I consider a relationship with him. He didn’t make it clear if it was just sex or whether he saw a future. I haven’t had sex or a date in such a long time and am very tempted to say yes. But what would my son say and think? Is this the stupidest idea I’ve ever had? I feel like I deserve some fun after raising my son solo.

2) Is there ever a time when you would suggest a couple take a break from sex? I feel like we’ve got into some bad habits and need to hit the reset button.

3) I split with my ex (his choice, not mine) three years ago. It was an extremely volatile relationship. I’ve had relationships since then, but no one has come close to matching the chemistry I had with him. Will I ever find it again? How do I get over pining for him and have this feeling again with someone else? 

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) My jaw gets unbearably sore and tired just minutes into giving my partner a BJ. I’ve tried taking breaks by focusing on the testicles, but it’s never enough to recuperate, and he doesn’t seem to enjoy it much. My partner gives me lots of great oral sex and I want to do the same to him. How can I keep him occupied while I rest my jaw, and is there any way to stretch my jaw so it doesn’t get so sore so fast?

2) I’m into piercings and quite like the idea of getting my genitals pierced. I’m a 23-year-old woman. My question is: How safe is it? Will it interfere with my ability to orgasm? And what does the average man think about piercings?

3) I am a 34-year-old female and have been with my boyfriend for three years. I like sex, but I find it very hard to relax during it. I spend most of the time worrying about what I look like. All I see are imperfections: a fat stomach, cellulite, veins. Once I spot something I don’t want to see, I become obsessed with watching my boyfriend to see if he has noticed as well. I know I should be able to get past this, but how? I have seen his exes on Instagram and they are all thinner and better looking than me.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’ve just broken up with a long-term boyfriend and am dating someone new. All is going well—except in the sex department. He has no problems getting an erection, but the minute he tries to penetrate, he loses it. If we can get him inside of me, he gets hard again and can orgasm. Is this ED? I worry it’s somehow my fault and I know he is embarrassed about it. What can I do to help stop this from happening? 

2) How do you know if your partner is a sex addict? My husband has always wanted a lot of sex: daily for the seven years we have been together. (He’s 44, I’m 36.) But now it’s ramped up to him wanting it twice or three times a day. If I say no, he gets angry and goes off to masturbate. I know he watches a lot of porn when I am not around as well. To make things worse, we are trying for a baby and him constantly ejaculating could lower the sperm count. He sees nothing wrong with what’s happening. 

3) I’ve been seeing a new man for the last few months and really like him. But we had a drunken argument one night and called it all off. I didn’t hear from him for a week, then he called to sort things out. During the week we broke up, I met up with someone else and had casual sex. All is back on track now, but imagine my horror when I find out my boyfriend had an altercation with the guy I slept with in the past. I’m now terrified it’s all going to come out. There are Facebook messages that prove this happened. I really love this man and the sex with the other guy was meant to be a bit of fun. My question is: Have I cheated? Should I wait and hope it doesn’t come out, or come clean and risk losing a relationship I see so much potential in?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) How do I learn to relax and enjoy my partner giving me oral sex? I’ve been seeing a guy and am really enjoying the relationship. At first, I wouldn’t let him go down on me for all the usual self-conscious reasons. But I decided to be open to the experience since he convinced me that he likes doing it. I still can’t get myself to fully relax and enjoy the experience. I worry about what reaction I should be having: how long it’s supposed to take, and if he’s just going to be disappointed again if I don’t orgasm. How can I get my brain to cooperate and learn to like oral sex?

2) After 13 years of marriage, I found out my husband has had several sex affairs. I found a message from a woman he was sleeping with and, once confronted, he confessed and told me it wasn’t the first time. (This was his third). We married young and he says even though he doesn’t regret it and loves me, he feels he missed out on the sleeping with other people bit. He insists they were just sex and nothing else, and I believe him. He used condoms and was discreet. We are in counseling and working things through, but I am still so angry and feel like I want revenge. Should I have my own affair to even up the score?

3) I’m a 24-year-old straight guy and learning lots about sex from your show! I’m curious about whether you can tell if a woman has had a real orgasm or not. I looked it up online and read that a red rash appears on the chest when a woman climaxes. I’ve slept with several women since then and not once has a rash appeared, even though they acted like they had an orgasm. Were they faking?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I seem to have the opposite problem to my friends. I’ve just had a baby (she’s six months old) and want to resume having sex with my partner. I’m not exactly dying to have sex, but do think it’s important for us to remain sexual. He knocks me back every time I initiate, coming up with weak excuses why he doesn’t feel like it. I still have some baby weight to lose, so is he just not attracted to me anymore? This is doing nothing for my self-esteem.

2) My wife of 12 years has suddenly changed from not enjoying sex very much to wanting to try new things. I’m obviously pleased, but also a little paranoid because she seems very practiced doing things we’ve never done together. Where has she learned this stuff? Why the change all of a sudden? I’m trying not to jump to conclusions.

3) I find it really arousing when women wear high heels to bed with nothing else on. I don’t think this classifies as a foot fetish because so many men enjoy it, but my questions is this: In this very woke, consent-aware world, is it still okay to ask a woman to do this? How long into our relationship should I wait? I don’t want her to think I need this to get off, but I don’t want to end up with someone who won’t indulge it either.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’m a 43-year-old woman, happily married for nearly 20 years, with tween-aged children. My husband and I have always maintained a healthy sex life (even if it is a bit vanilla most of the time) The past few years we have scheduled sex, and usually average once or twice a week. But for some unknown reason, both our libidos have disappeared. We both just don’t feel like sex at all. It’s been 2 months! There has been no change to our lives, diet, or health. What can we do to get our mojo back? Why has our sex drive disappeared so suddenly? What can we do to want to feel like it again?

2) My partner and I are feisty and argue a lot. It takes me a while to recover from an argument—I need time to calm down and reconnect with her. She gets over things quickly and wants to have sex the second things are okay again. She says having sex is the quickest way to get ‘normal’ again, but I don’t want it until the emotional connection is back. How do we fix this?

3) I’ve been with my partner for 8 years and we have a child. He is open to the idea of opening up our relationship to explore sex, both together and individually. We haven't done it yet, but how do I know it won't massively strain our relationship? We are so open, and we talk about sex and fantasies all the time to help boost our sex life. But when push comes to shove, how can I be sure opening up our relationship won't complicate and ruin things?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I was in a relationship for 10 years and the sex was never great, but I felt safe and supported and in a lot of ways, I loved my life. We were both each other’s first boyfriend/girlfriend, but we barely had sex and I didn't feel desired. On the rare occasions we did, he’d lose his erection. I tried to get him to feel comfortable talking about sex and be more interested in it, but it felt more like a brother and sister relationship. After three years of therapy, I decided I wanted more and ended the marriage. I have been successfully dating since then, been having great sex, and even tried sex clubs. But I haven't felt the same safety and security in a relationship since. I had great sex with one guy and the chemistry was off the charts, but he wasn't very nice to me. I’m now worried I ended it with my husband looking for a fantasy. Can you have great sex and great friendship in a relationship? Or, is there always a sacrifice? Should I have tried harder to get him interested in sex? My ex-husband is getting married again so he must have sorted things out with his new partner.

2) I’m a 29-year-old virgin. It’s not for religious reasons, and I’m not waiting for marriage. Sex just didn’t feel right for me growing up, but now I feel like the pressure is mounting as I get older. I’m worried what a future partner or fling will say. Will they find my inexperience unsexy? How should I handle the situation, and what advice can you give me to prepare?

3) My daughter is 16. We're very close, and I've always been very open with her about sex. She's never expressed a romantic or sexual interest in anyone until last week when she told me she's "not straight" and has a crush on a girl at school. I'm actually relieved that she is having normal teenage feelings. My question is how, as a straight woman, to best support her and continue to educate her about sex in the coming years? What conversations might we need to have that are particular to her sexuality? Should I seek out a gay woman for her to confide in? To be clear, she has not expressed any need for additional support. I'm just a mum trying to be prepared.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) How long should you wait to have sex? I’ve been seeing someone for nearly two months and we still haven't had sex. We've talked about it, but it feels like she’s trying to long kick the conversation. The intimacy is great, but I would have hoped for some oral at least? It does feel like she’s not as interested in sex as I am.

2) I have been very happily married to my best friend for almost 35 years and raised four awesome kids. We have always had a great sex life. My husband has struggled with ED (Erectile Dysfunction) for the last 15 years. He's not able to take Viagra for health reasons. Instead they gave him Tri-Mix, an injection that produces erections that last 3 to 4 hours. So does he! He's very attentive to my needs, but I can’t go that long. What’s worse is because he's found this new game changer, he wants to have sex every other day. The spontaneity has gone, and I am now dreading sex with him. It feels scheduled and mechanical. I miss the days of the ‘slow work up’ to love making, knowing my many talents are working on him. I am finding myself flirting with other men and fantasizing about them. Please help!

3) We have great sex that’s very passionate and fulfilling and have been together 11 years. We’ve also had over 12 breakups and makeups. We’ve never lived together—not my choice. Do you have advice on how to build a solid relationship? We’re a straight couple and both 58.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’m in my 50s and have been with my husband for 20 years. We’ve reached a point where we have a good life together, but he’s not interested in sex anymore. I look after myself and have been getting attention from a couple of guys at my gym—one going as far as sexting messages which I've found extremely flattering, arousing, and exciting. Is it bad to continue enjoying this? While I know my husband would not approve, I’m getting a huge confidence boost and fun from it.

2) Is it bad if most of the sex you have doesn’t last very long? My wife and I have young kids and demanding jobs and try to make time for sex, but it’s not easy. We end up mostly having quickies. I don’t mind because I always climax, but how can we make them more satisfying for her?

3) I’ve just met someone I really like after 12 years of being single. Just one problem: his penis is too big for me. It’s not the length—it’s too wide. I can just about accommodate him side by side. Any tips on how to handle this? He said he’s had this problem with every person he’s been with. 

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’ve been with my partner for 13 years and recently found out he’s been having sex with a woman he works with. It’s over now and we’re having therapy, but we haven’t had sex since I found out six months ago. I can’t even think about sex. Every time I do, I imagine the two of them together and it makes me feel sick to the stomach. How long will this last? Will I ever be able to enjoy sex again?

2) My question is about penetrative orgasms. We do what you guys talk about—my boyfriend gives me an orgasm first through oral sex—but I’d like to at least attempt to have one through intercourse. Any suggestions on how to do that? I know woman on top is the favored position, but is there anything I should be doing to up my chances of it resulting in an orgasm for me?

3) My partner and I have been dating for two years. We're deeply in love and the relationship and the sex are great. We are very physical and love long cuddle sessions. But we have very different needs after sex: he wants to cuddle, and I just want to sleep or get on with my day. We had a big fight about this recently: he feels "used" and needs a long post-sex physical connection. I deeply love him and want to fulfill his needs, but find it hard to cuddle post-orgasm. I almost feel a repelling force as if as a switch turned in my brain. Post-orgasm, I suddenly notice all the sweat, stickiness, dirty sheets, and don't want to be touched. If it's in the morning, I suddenly realize that I have a lot of work to do and feel time pressure. I’m not that into morning sex, for exactly that reason. He really likes it and wants to do it more often. What can we do to find a compromise? Is it normal to find cuddling repellent after sex for some people? Can I train myself to get used to it (I really don't like it)?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’m in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend and we have great sex, but I have sex dreams about other men weekly. What could this mean?

2) I am in my early 50's and became perimenopausal in my late 40's. My husband and I have been together for 25 years. Sex was always okay, but because of my lack of desire and sex being painful, we have not had intercourse for almost 4 years. I will give him an occasional hand job, but that's about it. I feel bad because I know how badly he wants sex, but it's just not there for me. So here’s my question: Would it be wrong for me to suggest he get a massage at one of those happy-ending places? I'm not sure how I feel about it, but if it's just a release he needs and there are no strings attached, the risk seems very low to me, assuming it doesn't lead to anything more. I know that he masturbates often, but it's different and I'd like to offer him some type of alternative that doesn't include me. I'm sure this sounds so horrible but I am honestly conflicted and could use your expert advice.

3) I’ve never had more than one orgasm in a session and would like to try. Can you tell me how to have multiple orgasms and explain what they are? Is it one long orgasm, or are they quite separate?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) My kids are about to fly the nest and it’s just going to be my husband and me. We get on really well, but I know this will mean he will want sex more often. I used to enjoy sex, but now I find I can take it or leave it. It doesn’t really excite me anymore, and I’m not sure why. How can I get myself more interested?

2) My husband spent a month cross-dressing. He says he’s never going to do it again as I was so upset, and had never done it previously. Since then, I’ve noticed that when he is shopping for male clothes, he gets an erection. I’m confused about what this all means.

3) I’m 37 and my partner is 32. We love your podcast and enjoy sex, but want to up the excitement level. We’ve started making a sex bucket list of all the things we’d like to try, and wondered if you had any thoughts on which aren’t worth wasting our time on and which are?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) We’re a married couple—I’m 35 and my wife is 32—and love listening to your podcast. No kids yet. We enjoy sex, but only have it once a week. We try to do it more, but we’re busy and it never happens. We were talking about sex with a group of close friends and they all said they have sex three times a week minimum. It’s made us feel ashamed and like something is wrong, even though we are really happy with our sex life. What are your thoughts?

2) I’m 35, I’ve had multiple relationships, but I have forever seen sex as a male-focused experience, never seeking pleasure for myself. My goodness has your podcast made me change my thoughts about sex! I wish I had this to listened to in my late teens! I have only ever orgasmed on my own, watching porn and using a clitoral vibrator. My aim is to orgasm with my partner (of 7 years), and you have given me the confidence to focus on this. I’m nervous that I won’t be able to do this without porn. Do you have any tips on where to start? 

3) My husband snores so loudly, it makes sleep almost impossible for me. I’ve tried everything: ear plugs, playing white noise, trying to get him on his side. Nothing works. I feel resentful and irritable from lack of sleep. We have a spare room and, to me, the obvious solution is to sleep in separate rooms, but he won’t hear of it. He says we will end up having sex even less than we do and that it will ruin our marriage. Is he right?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’ve listened to every one of your podcasts and all too often identify as the ‘bad guy.’ I like to watch porn, which I do in secret. I have a secret social media account where I follow a few rather exhibitionist (and rather fun) women (but never engage sexually with them). I dream about visiting a sex club (just to watch), and I visited a nudist beach on my own (without telling my wife) just to see what it was like. I do this because my wife of 25 years just doesn’t have the same sex drive or sexual interests as me. Despite me desperately trying, she won’t talk about sex with me. I want to be a decent and honest partner and, after listening to your podcast, I closed that social media account, backed off visiting the sex club, I’ve not returned to the beach, and am resolved to be the ‘good if not frustrated’ husband. It might not sound like it, but I’m a good, caring guy and I love my wife too much to hurt her. Your podcasts have really brought this fact home to me. So, what advice can you give to keep me on the straight and narrow?

2) I love sex but worry constantly about whether I smell okay. What do men really think about how women smell? And what do you think about using vaginal melts and douching?

3) Why do men like to orgasm on their partners' breasts? My boyfriend of three months recently expressed interest in doing this. When I pressed him for details, he said he doesn’t intend it to be humiliating, just finds it erotic and it’s fun to come somewhere nature did not intend. But I still don’t get it.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) You talk a lot about how most women have their orgasms through oral sex, but I’ve had more than one girlfriend push me away when I try to go down on her. They say they just aren’t into it. Is this true, or are there other reasons they aren’t telling me?

2) I’m a 48-year-old woman and have been happily married for 12 years, but am feeling destabilized. I’ve made a new female friend and I am more than a little obsessed with her husband. He is everything my husband isn’t: good-looking, successful, sporty. My husband is a lovely man, but he doesn’t tick any of these boxes. I’m now having sexual fantasies about this guy. It’s making me feel miserable and I’m starting to avoid having sex with my husband.

3) Can you tell me the difference between anal play and anal sex? I wish they would call it by something else because then I would be more interested in it. I hear about it all the time now, but I’m not even sure what anal play means.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) My partner wants me to talk dirty, and I can see why it’s a turn on—but I don’t have a clue how to do it. What can I say that doesn’t make me sound like an idiot or will make me want to laugh? 

2) I heard you on Diary of a CEO and was especially interested in your thoughts on Viagra. My partner is 26 and takes Viagra all the time. He can get an erection without it but, you’re right, there is a world of difference between a Viagra erection and a normal one. I think he’s addicted to feeling very hard. Is this bad? Should I be encouraging him to stop?

3) I am in a serious relationship with a woman who is married and in an open relationship. I have extremely strong feelings for her and she’s crazy about me. I see her 3-4 days a week and the sex and emotional connection are amazing, but she has no intention of getting a divorce. I'm not seeing anyone else, but she gets to see me AND her husband. I’m not seeing any long-term benefits for me. Should I be seeing other people while I'm with her? Do I continue with this relationship? Or do I end things and find someone who I can have a monogamous relationship with? Trouble is, I don't know if I could have a monogamous relationship again.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) So, guys have a built-in masturbation tool (the foreskin) and they discover it very early. They have some advantage I would say for discovering their body and how it can give them the pleasure of orgasm. I have a 13-year-old daughter and want her to also learn about her body and how to give herself an orgasm. I have been thinking about giving her access to a website called OMGYes which runs a masturbation course online. Even though I think this would be good for her, I am hesitant to be the one to suggest it, being a father. I’m nervous even to suggest this to my wife.

2) I'm a 48-year-old woman who would like to start dating again. But what do I do about the orgasm dilemma during the first sexual encounters with a guy? It takes time (and practice) to understand each other to achieve an orgasm for me. I've never found it at the beginning. Most guys think they can make a woman come on those first encounters, and if they don’t, it has a negative effect. But I don’t want to get caught into that bind of faking an orgasm, then not knowing how to communicate what I really need to get there. What is your advice?

3) So, I'm currently in a lucky position and have a good relationship and enjoy sex. My question is how on earth do you figure out your fantasies? Is there a list of fantasies somewhere so I can see which ones appeal? I don't really understand why I don't have fantasies beyond just having sex with a person that I like. Maybe I'm just extremely unimaginative (I don't seem to dream much either!), or maybe it’s just a repressed part of my psyche! I assume I must have some fantasies tucked away, and I would really like to be 'in touch' with some of my deeper desires, as I think this is probably important to having a fulfilling sex life. Can you help point me in a direction to uncover them?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) After a few relationships in my twenties, I have enjoyed ten years of being (voluntarily) single, but am now looking to meet someone new. I’m keen for my next relationship to have open, honest communication around sex. I know it’s easier to start as you mean to go on, so I’d like to ask when and how I can start to set this precedent.

2) I'm a 42-year-old female and it has always taken me ages to orgasm, but once I've had an orgasm I'm so sensitized I can't be touched...anywhere. As a result I generally just fake it for my partner so he orgasms, and I always feel unsatisfied. Is this normal, or is there something I can do to desensitize myself?

3) I’m 46 and back dating after a messy divorce. I was married for 20 years and am feeling a bit nervous about it all. My main concern is safe sex. I’m on the pill so am protected against pregnancy, but should I be using a condom? I didn’t like using them in my 20s but maybe they’ve changed now. What’s the etiquette? Do I bring some with me? Should I suggest it, or wait for him to? How likely is it to catch anything later in life?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I love French kissing but my girlfriend does not. It's my favorite thing to do but she says that’s for teenagers or new relationships. How do I get her to see how fun it can be? Nothing seems to change her mind.

2) My husband and I are in our thirties and have a child. I just recently found out that he had been cheating for the majority of our marriage—mostly with men he found on Grindr (a hook-up app for gay men). He claims he’s straight, not attracted to men, that this was only about the sex. He calls it an “itch”. He also mentioned he had been with men before we met, which he failed to share. We’re in therapy trying to save our marriage. I’m being told by him and therapists that ‘cheating is cheating, why does it matter if it’s with men or women?’ But I feel like I NEED to know who he is and part of him is his sexuality. Is this something straight men do? I am so confused and can’t explain why knowing the truth matters so much to me.

3) My husband and I are bored with our sex life and quite like the idea of watching some porn together. Our question is: how do you actually do that? Do you watch it first and then have sex or have sex while you’re watching it? What’s a good place to start?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) My new boyfriend told me I seem much wetter than other women he’s slept with. I took it as a compliment, but now he’s confessed he finds it difficult to orgasm because he can’t feel anything. Is there such a thing as being too wet for sex?

2) What does it mean if a man doesn’t go down on you? I’ve met a guy I like but he hasn’t given me oral sex once and we’ve been together two months. I’ve tried pushing his head hopefully in that direction but he either doesn’t get the hint or ignores me. I’ve never had complaints from previous lovers about smelling bad, so I’m guessing this is his issue. It’s kind of a big deal for me though so I’m quite disappointed. How do I get him to take the hint?  

3) My partner of four months recently revealed he has a kink. He likes to watch me masturbate to orgasm while I watch porn, while he ‘secretly’ watches me and masturbates himself. I don’t have an issue with this as we only do it occasionally. My problem is I told his secret to a friend. She told her partner who knows my partner and it all got back to him. He’s humiliated and says he will never trust me again. How do I deal with this?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I want to know if my partner is addicted to porn or whether this is normal for a man. We have sex twice a week but he says that isn’t enough for him, so he also masturbates to porn two or three times a week. We’re in our late 20s and have been together 2 years. I don’t ask what type of porn he watches, but do wonder which sex he enjoys more: sex with me or onscreen solo sex. Two or three porn sessions a week seems a lot when he’s getting sex from me as well. Or maybe that’s completely normal. Should I be worried?

2) My girlfriend always worries about her weight and doesn’t like how she looks naked. I think she looks beautiful, but because she doesn’t feel confident she makes our physical relationship so difficult. How do I help her understand that I think she’s perfect when she doesn’t?

3) I went years without having sex with anyone apart from myself with my vibrator. Now I have a partner to have sex with but as luck would have it, when I'm super close to orgasming I often get a sudden, severe, throbbing headache in the back of my head. It’s so bad, we have to stop having sex—just before I orgasm. I don't get them when I use my vibrator—I think because the orgasms are much less intense. Do you know anything about these 'sex headaches' and is there anything I can do to avoid them?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) We are the couple that everyone either envies or pities. We have only ever had one sexual partner—each other. We’ve been very happily married for 15 years so far (we’re in our mid 30s) and sex is great. Well, I think so anyway. I do worry that my partner feels like he has missed out by not playing the field, being a man. I’ve asked him and he says he's perfectly happy and why would he want anyone else when I’m so sexy. He says all the right things, but I still get paranoid that he’s going to cheat or leave me because he didn’t get to sleep around before we met. What are your thoughts? 

2) My partner of six years has a secret social media account where he’s been sexting other people and sending pictures and videos. I’m not sure where he’s met these women but I don’t think any have progressed into an in-person meet up or affair. I discovered the account a few weeks ago and can’t decide what to do about it. I don’t want to know if this has gone further because I know I couldn’t deal with it if it has. I absolutely adore him, we have young kids and a fantastic relationship. If this is all he’s up to, I’m thinking I might just leave him to it and say nothing. Is it any worse than him looking at porn? Or do you think it means he’s cheating in the flesh?

3) I am a man who has been married for 32 years and have a good sex life with my wife. I am interested in trying new things like toys but every time I ask, she says that they are not for her. How can I convince her otherwise? What is the best way to introduce sex toys into the marriage?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) Whenever we go to parties, my husband always makes jokes about having a threesome with one of my best friends. It’s starting to be really weird, and I can tell it’s on his mind all the time. Is that normal? Am I not enough for him anymore?

2) I need help figuring out what went wrong with a great relationship I was having. We’d been together for six weeks, everything was perfect, we made out loads but I didn’t want to have full sex until I was sure of him. When we finally did it, it was good sex…but he didn’t finish. The next morning, we did it again and it happened again. He lost his erection. He didn’t seem unduly disturbed by it all but when he left, he was distant. Then he ghosted me. I’ve heard nothing from him since. Was this to do with him not being able to come? Am I a really bad lover or not tight enough? Why else would he suddenly change his mind?

3) My new partner and I are having the hottest sex I’ve ever had but it’s leaving it’s mark—literally. When he gives me oral sex, he bites my thighs to the point where he leaves bruises. I find it really arousing now but know that once the newness wears off, I’ll just find it leaves me feeling tender. Do I say something now or just wait and see. How common is this? I’ve never experienced it before.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) Why can’t my husband change the way he approaches me for sex? He gives me this look that makes me want to run away…it’s primal, and it doesn’t feel good. I want him to start by just holding me and listening to me, but he says that isn’t what he wants at that time. Please help us with our communication!

2) I’d love to know what you think of my situation. I’ve been with my partner for five years. We’re a straight couple and in our late 30s. It took me a long time to find a partner, and I worry that I compromised too much in the end. We get on okay, but I don’t feel passionate about him and I worry I am with him because it’s lonely being single. Our relationship seems based more on friendship than love.

3) You’ve talked a lot about women going off sex on this podcast, but I have the opposite issue. My long-term partner has completely lost interest in me sexually and we haven’t had sex for three years. When I try to talk about it, he looks embarrassed and fobs me off and says he doesn’t want to talk about it. I am in my late 40s and keep myself looking good. I feel humiliated that he doesn’t find me sexually attractive anymore. All my other friends have husbands who hassle them for sex and I can’t get mine to look at me naked.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I am having an emotional affair with one of my co-workers. I’ve been married for almost 10 years, and although I know this isn’t right, it’s making me feel alive again. Every part of me wants to sleep with this man, but I don’t want to hurt my husband’s feelings and I don’t want it to ruin my marriage. But, I have a deep desire to have this experience. What is your advice? It seems like both choices will hurt.

2) I’m dating a man with a small penis. It’s not a problem for me because intercourse is my least favorite thing about sex, and I orgasm easily through oral sex. But I can tell he’s paranoid about it and it’s making me feel uncomfortable. It’s the elephant in the room. I think he’s desperate to talk about it, but I’m not sure how to broach the topic. I can’t just say, ‘Hey, so your penis is really small. Do you want to talk about that?’

3) I enjoy having sex, but not without having a glass of wine or cocktail before. I used to be able to get in the mood, but now I need to be a bit tipsy. Is this okay?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) Tracey, you often talk about masturbation as something everyone should do, especially women. I’ve never done it, and have never seen the point. I asked my partner if he masturbates, and he said why would he need to when we have sex together? I get why you might want to do it if you’re single, but why would you do it if you’re in a relationship?

2) I’ve been married 8 years and with my husband for 14. We met at work. We know some of each other’s sexual history: numbers have been shared and they are similar. My husband knows I had a threesome and who with (thanks to my big-mouth friend). He hasn’t mentioned it since (this was disclosed very early in our relationship). What he doesn’t know is that I had another threesome with work colleagues long before he started at the company. It was so long ago and I don’t want it to cause issues, but is not telling him lying? There was also someone I slept with—again before he started at the company—who is an acquaintance. It's been bothering me for years. Is keeping quiet about all this the wrong or right thing to do?

3) I fear I am asking this question on behalf of all men: how can I get my wife to want sex more often with me? We used to have it far more frequently but now she always has an excuse not to do it. I feel like I’m constantly hassling her and that makes me feel bad. We’ve been married for 27 years and I want to stay married—but I also need sex. Help!

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I have lost all desire to have sex: my libido has completely disappeared. I don’t want to have sex with my partner, I don’t masturbate, I don’t feel anything when I do attempt to have sex with him. I’m only 42. This isn’t a sudden thing, desire just gently slipped away. What’s wrong with me and what can be done to fix it?

2) My new boyfriend is too loud in bed. He’s loud out of it as well, but that’s not the problem. It’s not just when he orgasms either. He grunts and ‘oofs’ and talks and moans through. When he climaxes, I swear the neighbors stop and ask each other, ‘What the hell was that?’. I don’t care what the neighbors think but it’s off-putting. I am fascinated by why he makes so much noise and wonder how much of it is real and how much of it is for show. I don’t like to ask because it seems rude.

3) I got herpes when I was very young: about 24. For years, I had awful attacks but then it disappeared. For about ten years, nothing! When I met my partner of five years, I didn’t even think about it. But then the outbreaks started again, and it’s become a real problem. I should have just told him the minute it happened, but I felt ashamed. That was two years ago. I avoid sex when I have an attack but it’s difficult and stressful. What should I do?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I grew up with religious parents and I’ve had it drummed into me from a very early age that sex is for procreation, not recreation: You do it to have kids and not for pleasure. I am now married to a man who isn’t religious and who has taught me that sex is something adults enjoy. I know intellectually that he's right, but it’s like my body hasn’t caught up with me. I still find it very difficult to relax and enjoy the experience. Can you help?

2) I'm 29 and have had a pretty mild sex life with few relationships and hookups before my current 3 year relationship. My partner and I keep it very basic, and I'm fine with that for the most part. We do not talk about our sexual past and my partner has said he doesn't want to know anything about mine. The thing is, I once had a one-night stand with a man who did some light choking; and, to my surprise, I liked it. How can I tell my current partner to try something I think I like without admitting to having tried it before with someone else?

3) What’s your view on casual sex? I’ve just finished a serious relationship and I’m not eager to rush into another one. He was my childhood sweetheart and I don’t have much experience with sex. But I do know I love it and am keen to explore a little while I’m single. I’m 26. 

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’ve always wanted to visit a high-end sex club and now that my relationship has finished, it's a good time to do it. The thing is, I have no clue where to start to find one? I don’t want anywhere tacky or sleazy. I’m a straight woman; though, I do confess—I’m a little bi-curious.

2) I’ve just married a man I’ve been with 5 years. We have pretty decent sex, but I worry that it’s not spontaneous. We do it once or twice a week on roughly the same days. Is it a bad sign that we aren’t overcome with lust at other times?

3) Since my daughter was born, I’ve gone off sex altogether. I still enjoy cuddling, but when my partner tries to take it further, I end up pushing him away. I can tell he’s getting frustrated with me, although he’d never say anything. I used to enjoy sex. What’s gone wrong?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) This is a very personal question that’s highly embarrassing. When I have sex with my partner, wind comes out of my vagina. The first time it happened I was mortified but my partner just kept pumping away and didn’t mention it. It happens on a regular basis and destroys the mood for me though he doesn’t seem to care. How can I stop this happening?

2) I’m 36 and I’ve stopped counting the number of relationships I’ve had. I know I need to settle because I want to have children, but I get bored so easily with sex. I can’t get enough of them at the start but, after two or three months, sex begins to repulse me. It’s like someone’s turned off a switch. This is more than just the honeymoon period wearing off. It happens so fast and so dramatically. I feel like something else is going on.

3) Is anal intercourse pleasurable for women or do you just do it because men like it? My ex was really into it but my current gf isn’t a fan and says she was just pretending to like it.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) My partner always falls out when we have sex. It’s frustrating and interrupts the flow. Is there a reason why this is happening and how do we stop it?

2) My boyfriend thinks he’s great in bed – he told me right at the start that all his exes say he’s the best lover they’ve ever had. He’s a nice man otherwise and has a good sense of humour so I thought he was just boasting in a joking way. I was wrong. He takes himself very seriously in bed and when sex is over, it’s clear he’s waiting for me to compliment him. He’s an okay lover, but certainly not the best I’VE had! We’ve only been together a few weeks but when I asked if he could do something gentler, he got very offended. How do I get him to do the things I like in bed without bruising that fragile ego?

3) I’m a 43 year old woman and I’m considering a relationship with a man 20 years older than me. I know there will be issues ahead, especially if we stay together and he’s 83 and I’m 63. But I have never been this attracted to someone and he ticks so many boxes that I’m willing to take a chance. What worries me is sex. I enjoy sex and it’s very important to me. He reassures me that he’ll be just as into it as he is now in years to come, and just as capable of getting erections, but is that true?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) Why is it that I can orgasm easily on my own (using my fingers or a vibrator) but have never had an orgasm with a partner? So many boyfriends have said, ‘Oh, but you’ve never had sex with ME!”, convinced they will be the one to make it happen. But it never does. I came close with my ex whose technique was excellent, but still couldn’t tip over the edge.

2) I am a guy in my early 40s. My partner of 20 years passed away two years ago and I’m thinking of entering the dating game. I’m a very hairy guy—chest and back hair, and a trimmed beard. My previous partner didn’t mind and said she liked it. Are there still women out there who like hairy men? Or is that not a thing anymore? I am happy to trim the hair—and I do—but I don’t want to wax or shave. How do I handle this on a date? Should I come right out and say I’m hairy before we have sex? Or should I try a more subtle approach?

3) I’d like your advice on whether I should separate from my husband or not. We’ve been together 12 years—the first half really happy, the second half not so much. We have a daughter who is 6 years old. Our main problem is we argue constantly about the same things without ever finding solutions. How to parent, money—all the usual things. Sex stopped when my daughter arrived and has never really kicked off since then. My husband feels like my adversary, not someone who loves me, and I dream of being free of the stress of fighting. I’m worn down. But I also have friends who regret leaving their marriages, so I don't want to jump ship if it’s going to be even worse as a single mother.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) Don’t give me a hard time because it sounds boring; but, missionary is my favorite position—it just works for us. Can you suggest some ways to mix it up a little to keep things interesting?

2) I’ve been married for 25 years and love my husband, but my self-confidence has taken a dive. Five years ago, my husband became very close friends with a new (and beautiful) co-worker. This was the first time I had to deal with him having a close female friend. I also noticed he was following a ton of Instagram models/porn accounts. I have no problem with him watching porn, but I worry that he is interacting online with women, which I feel crosses the line. He is very possessive of his phone. I am constantly comparing myself to porn models and feeling like I don’t measure up. I am trying to get myself into shape by losing 25 pounds to see if that helps boost my confidence. I do know he loves me, so how can I let go of the suspicions that he’s engaging with women online?

3) I’m absolutely convinced my boyfriend of two years fakes his orgasms. He goes through the motions—thrusts harder, makes noise, and then stops—but there’s no semen on the sheets or when I go to the loo. Why would he do this? It doesn’t happen all the time, but quite often. 

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’m a woman in my early 40s and my problem is that I can only orgasm with a clitoral vibrator. I can reach orgasm on my own or with my partner, but only if I use vibration. I’ve never had an orgasm another way. I have tried SO hard on my own using fingers, but I don’t get even close. How do I change this? My current partner would love to make me orgasm. I’ve stopped using any sex toys as I want it to happen with him only. Is there something I can do?

2) Six years ago, I met a man at a music festival and we spent one day and night together. It was like something out of the movies. The second I met him, I felt like I’d known him forever. The conversation flowed, and when we kissed, it was perfect. We danced and had so much fun together. He was camping so I stayed the night and we had sex together – which was like nothing I have ever experienced. The next day, when we went to swap numbers, he said, ‘That was just perfect. Let’s leave it perfect.’ I agreed, though was dying inside. He walked away and I’ve never seen him again. He is all I think about. I relive every moment, and no-one comes close to making me feel the way he did. I worry I’ll never feel this way again or have sex that good again. How do I break the spell?

3) I am the most turned on when I have my period. Do you have any suggestions of how to broach continuing to have sex during this time with my new partner? He’s a bit squeamish. And any tips on how to make it less messy?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I don’t know where to start but please help because our sex life is such a mess! We’ve been married for 12 years and it’s the usual story: things started out great, then we got bored and sex got less and less frequent. Now we barely do it and it’s awkward and not pleasurable. Don’t tell me to try something new because it’s beyond that. I wish we could wipe the slate clean and start again. What advice do you have for me?

2) What’s your view on recreational drugs and whether they help or hinder sex? My libido seems to be dwindling with age (I’m 47) but when I smoke marijuana, I feel much more in the mood. The problem is, after we’ve had a good sex session while stoned, sex without the drug seems even more boring. Am I creating another problem for myself?

3) I was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive breast cancer in my 30s (though am almost four years cancer free now). Returning to sex after surgeries and scars was difficult and I’ve read so many stories of women that have faced the same thing. From hair loss, loss of breast, and early menopause, so many women are struggling to find their way back to enjoying sex. I'd love to hear your perspectives on body image and sex, especially after surgery.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I have an issue with pubic hair. Basically, I’m not a fan and like it well-manicured on both women and men. I shave my testicles and keep the rest neatly trimmed. My wife however has a laissez-faire attitude and sports a luxuriant bush though she does trim it before a beach vacation. I know that the issue is mine, no doubt a result of conditioning from porn. But I find hairy bits and pieces a turn off. Should I try to reprogram my mind? And if so, how?

2) I absolutely love having my breasts played with during sex but find most men ignore them after an obligatory squeeze. How can I encourage my lovers to pay more attention and, apart from the obvious fondling, what else feels nice to try?

3) I really love my partner of 8 months but find my desire for him rapidly disappearing. I suspect it’s because of his neediness. He seeks my approval for everything he does and sometimes it feels like he can’t make a single decision without checking with me. It’s nice to have my opinion respected and in many ways it suits me because I like being in control. But sex is the casualty. I want him to take charge in bed and be more assertive. Instead he adopts the same role as he does out of bed. How do I broach this without offending him?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’ve gone from one extreme to another. My previous partner used to take so long to orgasm during intercourse, I’d be practically asleep. With my new boyfriend, it’s over within two minutes. I really like him and want to make this work. I don’t want him to go on for hours but 10 or so minutes would be good. How can I help him last longer?

2) I have been cheated on all my life and I don’t think I will survive if another man does it to me. I am obviously crap at choosing partners. I want to know if there is a way to reduce my chances of it happening again. Are there things I can look for that hint that someone is likely to be unfaithful?

3) I’m an inexperienced 24 year old straight woman and new into a relationship with a guy I really like. I’ve deliberately put off having sex with him because I want it to be awesome. Do you have any tips on how to impress him and things I shouldn’t do?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’m having an affair and ironically, sex with my husband has never been better. It’s confusing me. I was all set to leave, but now I’m not sure. We were stuck in a rut for years and nothing seemed to make a difference, but now I can feel new life breathing into the marriage. The question is: Is it going to last?

2) My new boyfriend is enthusiastic about giving me oral sex but he clearly has no clue where my clitoris is. He licks about one inch down from where it is. I’ve tried pulling him up and into the right position, but he just slides himself back down to where he was. In fairness to him, previous partners have told me my clitoris is smaller than usual. But it’s still frustrating!

3) Kelsey, this question is for you because you are also a widow. My much-loved husband died unexpectedly two years ago and I have finally emerged from the hell that is intense grieving. I still miss him terribly but I am only 52 and realise I still have a life ahead of me. I feel ready for some fun and casual relationships but I fear my adult children are not ready for this. How do I make myself happy without upsetting them? I miss sex and all that goes with it! I am also nervous that when I do first have sex, I will end up feeling guilty and like I am betraying my husband. Did you experience this?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) My husband has been watching porn of women ‘squirting’ on men. He’s incredibly turned on by the idea of it all and wants me to squirt on him. Are these videos even real? Is female ejaculation possible; and, if so, how could I make myself do it?

2) I’ve just separated from my husband and have been ostracized by my friends because I had an affair. We are the first in our group of friends to divorce and I think it’s made everyone nervous. Of course, I’m the bad person because I had the affair, but my husband and I hadn’t had sex for four years. I tried over and over to talk to him and let him know I wasn’t happy but he wouldn’t listen. We’re young (I’m late 30s, he’s early 40s) and I don’t want to live a life without sex. I don’t want to tell our friends the real story because it would embarrass him but I’m also sick and tired of being blamed for the whole thing. What should I do?

3) I want to buy something for my wife for her birthday that will improve our sex life, but not cause her to feel awkward. She’s quite conservative sexually, though was up for anything at the start. It’s hard for men to know what’s welcome and what’s going to offend. With lingerie, for instance, do you buy her true size or a size smaller if she thinks she’s fat (and she can change it later?)

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’m 38 and have finally met a nice guy. I really like him, but the sex is average at best. We’ve only been seeing each other for two months and the sex is like the sex you have two years in. It’s okay, but the lust and spark isn’t there. Is this something you can fix?

2) My new boyfriend’s penis is bent, a bit like a banana. Is this anything to worry about? He doesn’t seem worried by it, and it’s not affecting his performance.

3) I’m newly divorced after the dullest marriage in history. I’m 48 and finally free to be able to explore the world and sex. I have no intention of settling down with anyone for a very long time, but a friend I have always found hot (he’s single) has a proposition. He wants us to be friends with benefits. What’s your view on this? He’s not a close friend so if it all went wrong and I lost a friend, I wouldn’t be too worried.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’m a 36-year-old straight woman and just broke up with my ex. Something that always bothered my ex was that we didn’t have an orgasm at the same time. I learned to fake it to avoid him getting annoyed or upset if we didn’t ‘come together’ during intercourse, but I don’t want to do that anymore. All the men I’ve slept with seem to expect this will happen. I can’t be the only one not having simultaneous orgasms. How do I deal with this?

2) A married man I have always found very attractive has split from his wife. He’s a friend of a friend that I’ve met a few times at a party. I don’t know why they split up, but it happened about a month ago. My question is when is the right/acceptable time to make a move after a break up? I suspect he will be snapped up fast! My friend is more friendly with him than his wife and says she is happy to organize a way for us to meet again.

3) My partner and I have been together for 18 months and want to explore open relationships. We think of each other as our ‘rocks’ and the person to make long-term goals with, but want to explore other sexual relationships. We both know it will take constant and consistent communication. But what are some other rules and boundaries that will help us find the right fit without it affecting our relationship in a negative way? Neither of us have tried this before but we are both quite excited about it.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’m 36 and have been married for nine years. I’m sick to death of being pestered for sex by my husband. He wants sex all the time and gets angry or sulks when I don’t give in. I’ve tried telling him that being hassled makes me want sex less, not more, but he doesn’t listen. Our sex is okay, but it’s always about his pleasure. We have sex about four times a week which is more than enough for me. How can I stop him behaving like this?

2) I’m intrigued by anal play but haven’t a clue where to start, how to suggest it to my partner, or what to do. Also, how do I make it clear to him that this doesn’t mean I want anal intercourse? My boyfriend is keen to try that, but I'm not. A friend did it and said it really hurt. Any tips?

3) I am 16 years old and have never done anything — not a first kiss, no talking to guys, and I've never been in a relationship. I'm wondering, how I am supposed to manage in the future with no experience? Do you guys have tips on how to stop comparing myself to other girls that have had sex or are in relationships and for me not to feel like an outcast?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’m a woman in my early thirties and I don’t get wet either during masturbation or sex (but I do have orgasms easily). It has always been like that. I’ve tried lubes, creams, dietary supplements, even hormones, but nothing's changed. I’ve talked to different doctors and everything is fine medically with me. I didn’t talk to my boyfriend about my problem at the start because I feel so terribly ashamed about it. Instead, I secretly put some lube on and in my vagina before we had sex. I didn’t want him to feel that I am always dry — I was scared he would take it personally or think I’m not normal. More than a year later, I’m still doing this. If I think we’re going to have sex, I tell him I need to go to the toilet or invent other excuse so I can apply some lube. It’s very stressful! I don't want to hide this secret anymore but I feel trapped. Should I confess what I’ve been doing, every single time we've had sex? I think that he’d be completely okay with it, but I don’t want to stop using lube because I don’t want to be touched when I am dry. It doesn’t make me feel feminine at all and I AM worried what he will think…

2) We’ve been married for 12 years and both of us are bored stupid with our sex life. My wife is keen for us to act out our sexual fantasies to shake things up, but I’m worried this might backfire. She’s enthusiastic after a few drinks and wants to try everything; but, the next day, stone-cold sober, gets cold feet. Is there a way to get our kicks without her waking up regretful or it causing real problems between us?

3) I’ve been with my partner for 20 years and we’re really happy. Or at least I thought we were. About two months ago, we were both talking about things we wish we’d done in our lives and things we regret; and, out of the blue, my partner confessed he’d had a brief affair with one of my friends 10 years ago. It was very strange – it was almost like he was boasting about it. that I should be impressed that my friend hit on him. It’s thrown me completely and I am questioning everything. I’m not friends with the woman anymore but how do I live with this? 

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) My partner of six years and I used to have really good sex but it’s dropped off considerably as time goes on. We used to be grabbing at each other all the time but that’s disappeared and now it’s all too easy to let other things take priority. Would planning a day when we do it help us get back on track or does it turn sex into a something you tick off the ‘to-do’ list?

2) I am certain my partner watches porn but he won’t admit it to me. I made it clear at the start of the relationship that if I found out he watched it while with me, it’s over. We have sex often so why would he need to look at other women? I find it insulting that I am not enough. He knows I am on the warpath so he clears his history and changes his password on his phone. I can’t admit that I know this without admitting that I’m snooping. How do I get him to truly stop and how will I truly know when he has?

3) I’m 34 and having real problems with relationships. I don’t trust men at all, even though none of the people I’ve been with have ever cheated on me. It’s because my father had an affair. The affair broke my mother and the pain and devastation it caused has left its mark on all of us. My siblings also struggle with trust issues. Any advice on how to get past this?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I have been with my partner for 15 years – we got together at college. Our sex life is okay...ish, but I crave new experiences and I want to have them on my own. I have always wanted to sleep with another woman. I would never cheat on my partner with another man – that’s just wrong — but is sleeping with another woman so bad? I know a club where I could meet women and make this happen. I would make sure I was discrete and that my partner never found out.

2) Tracey, you talked about using a stroker to speed up a hand-job. Do you have any other shortcuts to keep husbands happy when you’ve been married a long time and sex gets tedious? Hints on how to speed things up a little?

3) My boyfriend (of six months) keeps trying to tell me how to dress and what to wear. I think it comes from the right place – he’s always telling me what an amazing body I have – but it’s ticking me off. If he had his way, I’d be permanently in heels, skinny jeans and a low cut top. I’m happy to dress sexily some of the time, but other times I just want to be comfortable. He’s making me feel bad for dressing down. Like I’m only attractive to him when I’m in tight, sexy clothes. I’ve told him to stop but he continues. I think he thinks he’s giving me a compliment: that I have a good body and should show it off.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’m a straight woman and very happy with my partner. All is good; but, four years in I still feel intimated by his sexual past. He’s a little older than me and has had many lovers. I have only slept with one person before him (I was in a long-term relationship for many years before we met). He’s never said anything to make me feel inferior, but I sometimes feel like a dancing monkey trying to wow the crowd. I still worry I’m not hitting the bar. How can I get past this?

2) I’m trying to work out if my sex life is in trouble or not. I’ve been with my partner for eight years and am not stupid enough to expect the fireworks that were there at the start. But sex often feels like something that’s a chore to be crossed off my ‘to-do’ list. I feel bad admitting this because I know Tracey thinks women should initiate, but I leave it up to my husband to suggest sex. It’s okay when we have it, but we are guilty of doing the same thing every time. Does this sound like a sex life in trouble or the norm for a couple that's been together a long time?

3) Does being drunk excuse someone from cheating? I’ve just started seeing someone who seems nice. But the other night he went AWOL on a night out with the boys and didn’t contact me until mid-afternoon the next day. He then admitted he’d been with someone else. He basically blamed his mates for getting him so drunk that he had no idea what he was doing. I don’t know whether to give him another chance or not. He’s 54 and divorced, and I’m 48. He was single for a while before I met him.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) What’s your view on ‘vabbing’? Does it really work to attract men? Can people tell what it is they’re smelling and wouldn’t they be put off if they do figure it out? 

2) I’m a 44-year-old attractive, fit woman but have never really been in a proper relationship and because of this I lack experience in the bedroom. I can honestly say I don’t know how to give basic things like a hand job and this is stopping me from dating men. It’s so embarrassing. Any tips on where I can learn how to do this?

3) My new partner goes into baby speak when he wants sex. He puts on this stupid voice and says things like, ‘Willy wants his widdle played with;’ or, ‘Willy wants to be naughty/wants hanky panky.’ He thinks it’s funny but it’s such a turn-off. How do I get him to stop without hurting his feelings? 

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’ve just started a new relationship with a guy I’m really into. Our sex is good and he seems to enjoy it but his erections are a little hit and miss. On two occasions, he struggled to get one and I notice he loses his erection when he goes down on me. Does that mean he’s not enjoying doing it? Do you think it means he’s not that into me sexually or he doesn’t find me attractive? We’re both in our 20s so shouldn’t his erection be really hard?

2) My husband is leaving for a work training course for 10 weeks. We will be able to talk and video chat on the phone but won’t see each other in person until his training is done. We’ve been together for 19 years and have never been apart for this long. We enjoy having sex 3-4 times a week and we are both going to miss it while he’s gone. Neither of us have ever had phone or video sex so any tips or ideas to spice things up from afar are much appreciated.

3) I haven't had a sexual partner for many years for various reasons (early menopause, kids etc). I would love to have a man in my life but don't even know where to start. I'm taking HRT so my libido is back with a vengeance, but I don't know where to find a partner. I also feel like a partner will expect me to know so much more than I do. I feel like a sexual novice and this is affecting my confidence. I’m 42.

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

Purchase SexTok with Zibby and Tracey merch here: https://www.bonfire.com/store/zibby-owens/

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Tracey writes a column summarizing the main points of each episode on Medium. Read it at https://bit.ly/3MhkxN4

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) When my husband and I met in our early 40’s, we had a lot of sex that was fairly vanilla but very passionate. Over time, the frequency has decreased. I don’t like being the initiator so there’s not been much I can do to have sex more other than be incredibly enthusiastic when he does want it. The problem is that, over time, he’s become more interested in anal sex than vaginal sex. Having things put in my butt does not arouse me at all, but now it seems to be all he wants and all he can get off on. I wonder if he’s watching tons of anal porn and this has somehow taken over his erotic life. I don’t want to discourage sex or demand he desires things he doesn’t, but I desperately miss regular sex. How can I get him interested again?

2) My husband and I have been together for over 20 years and recently we have been in a bit of a slump. He was a virgin before he met me and I was not. He recently told me that he is a bit envious that I had experience before we got together. He only said it to me once but I worry that he feels that he's missed out. How can I help him through this?  I trust him and know that cheating is not an issue.

3) Sadly for my wife, I’ve started to snore as I age. This means she has badly disturbed nights. We are lucky, we have a solution: a spare room. I do sleep there every now and then to give her a break. But my snoring is so bad, I fear I might have to move into the spare room permanently. If I do this, is it the start of a slippery slope? Might our really great relationship start to suffer? We have a good sex life, usually enjoying it in the mornings, so I can readily slip back into the marital bed for a romp, or even invite my wife round to mine. Do you think it’s a problem?

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

Purchase SexTok with Zibby and Tracey merch here: https://www.bonfire.com/store/zibby-owens/

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Tracey writes a column summarizing the main points of each episode on Medium. Read it at https://bit.ly/3MhkxN4

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’m a 35-year-old woman who has fallen in love with a much older man: he’s 60. At the moment, the age difference isn’t that apparent because he looks and acts much younger than his years. But I am worried about sex because it’s a big part of our relationship. How long can a man keep getting erections? Is there an age when he will stop wanting to have sex with me?

2) I’ve been with my wife for 25 years, and recently she asked me - no, TOLD me - to bite her nipples, HARD. I did, and she kept saying to bite harder. I was afraid of breaking the skin. How common is this? Why has it never come up before? I sort of understand, because there have been times when I have wanted her to squeeze my testicles, and probably with a lot more force than one might think would be comfortable. Is this the same phenomena, sort of?



3) My mother died suddenly a few months ago and for some reason, it’s reignited my very lazy sex drive. I’ve gone from trying to avoid sex to trying to have it as much as I possibly can. I felt terrible at first - like it was disrespectful. But it was the only time I could escape the awful feeling of loss and grief. Is this normal? Does it happen to other people, too?

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Tracey writes a column summarizing the main points of each episode on Medium. Read it at https://bit.ly/3MhkxN4

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I am a happily married man who likes wearing women’s underwear under my clothes. I buy the items secretly and my wife has no idea I do this: it’s remarkably easy to get away with if you think things through. I’ve been doing this from when I was very small and never told anyone about it in my life. It doesn’t interfere with my relationships but I would dearly love not to have to hide it and to share this indulgence with my wife. I have two questions: would you consider this a fetish and should I tell her?

2) Tracey, I am like you often describe yourself when you were younger – namely very jealous of everything. Real women, porn, fantasies, thoughts…I would like to control everything. It makes me (and all of my partners – including the one I am with now) go crazy. What can I do about it? I tried different kinds of psychotherapy but I am still going nuts, very often. How did you find your way out of this horror?



3) My husband and I are very different heights. I am 5'5" and my husband is 6'5". We have been together for almost 25 years now and have had some ups and downs, but we have recently found each other again. We are both very adventurous during sex and really enjoy each other. We both would like to have him bend me over and take me or have sex standing up. The problem is our height. Even shower sex is out. The angle just isn't right and it becomes quite funny when we try. Do you have any ideas on how to solve these problems?

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Tracey writes a column summarizing the main points of each episode on Medium. Read it at https://bit.ly/3MhkxN4

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) Sometimes when I’m in bed with my husband, I start laughing. He gets all huffy about it which makes me laugh even more. I have no idea why I do it or how to stop.

2) I’m very happy with my partner of 12 years but I dream of sex with other men nearly every night. I love the dreams: they’re exciting and fun though I do feel guilty when I wake up. I sometimes wonder if this means I’d be up for cheating if someone made a move on me. I’m in my mid 40s and don’t get hit on very often. The dreams make me not trust myself: I’d like to think I’d say no, but would I?  



3) Can you tell if a man is secretly gay or has bisexual tendencies? I have met a man I’m really into, but my instincts tell me something is wrong. He is curiously uninterested in having sex – especially since our relationship is new. I am always the instigator. When we do have sex, he won’t make eye contact and he cuts straight to intercourse. He doesn’t enjoy foreplay at all: there’s no interest in my breasts, he never fingers me and says he doesn’t like performing oral sex. Out of bed, he’s great and very affectionate. Though, now I think about it, he’s not into deep kissing either. Otherwise, he’s a great boyfriend and I’d like us to get serious. Am I being over paranoid? Should I ask him outright?

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Tracey writes a column summarizing the main points of each episode on Medium. Read it at https://bit.ly/3MhkxN4

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) Is there such a thing as an aphrodisiac? Oysters, chocolate, things like that? I suspect the answer is no but I’m curious if things like ‘Spanish Fly’ ever did work?

2) I have no problems asking for what I want in bed but I feel like I’m talking to myself with my new partner. It’s not easy for me to orgasm because I need very specific stimulation. (I’m a gay man, by the way, so it’s not true that all men can orgasm without issues.) I’ve explained what I need done to my boyfriend many, many times yet he still doesn’t do it. What do I do now?



3) I met my partner on Tinder and, once I decided I really liked him, took myself off all the dating apps. I thought he had done the same and got a shock when I looked to see he’s still on there and was active recently. We’ve been seeing each other a month and it’s really full on. What does this mean and how do I deal with it?

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Tracey writes a column summarizing the main points of each episode on Medium. Read it at https://bit.ly/3MhkxN4

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’m embarrassed about the way my vulva looks. My inner labia lips protrude and look ugly. I’ve watched porn and, for most women, the inner lips sit inside the outer lips. It makes me very nervous about sex with someone new. Is this normal?

2) A year ago, my partner had an affair. We have a close group of friends, so everyone knows about it. But we’ve worked things out, I’ve forgiven him and we are back on track. The problem is our friends haven’t done the same. I feel judged by them and am constantly having to defend my decision to take him back. How do I get them to move on, like I have?



3) Tracey, you often talk about using a butt plug during sex. We’ve never used one before. Can you explain, for beginners, how to use one and what type to buy?

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Tracey writes a column summarizing the main points of each episode on Medium. Read it at https://bit.ly/3MhkxN4

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’m no prude and have nothing against people watching porn but I am alarmed by the amount of time my boyfriend now spends watching it on his phone. We both work from home and it’s ramped up since then. He thinks it’s funny when I catch him and doesn’t try to hide it. But it’s starting to bug me, looking over and seeing women doing degrading things to men for hours each day. Am I over-reacting?

2) I’m happily married but have a crush on one of the dads I see on the school run. We have a chat and a laugh and now and then go for a coffee. Nothing is going to happen — I’ve had crushes before and they just fade out over time — but I’m curious if this happens to other married women. How do other people handle it? Is it something I should tell my partner and have a laugh about? Or should it stay a secret? What does it say about my marriage?

3) I married my wife three years ago after being together for five years. She’s never been that interested in sex but now we don’t have sex at all. It stopped when we got married. We’re in our late 30s and our kids are now at school. I love her but I’m not prepared to never have sex again. She refuses to talk about it.

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Tracey writes a column summarizing the main points of each episode on Medium. Read it at https://bit.ly/3MhkxN4

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I can’t climax during intercourse and it frustrates me. I know I’m not the only one and I know why I’m not able to orgasm but surely there are things I can try other than him using his fingers or holding a vibrator there?

2) My 8-year relationship went through a bad patch and I had a brief fling with a woman at work. It’s all over, no one ever found out, and my relationship is back on track. It happened six months ago but I still feel jumpy and nervous about it. Should I come clean or keep quiet?

3) I’m 29, a straight woman, and I’d describe my libido as low to average. It's not that I don’t enjoy having sex with my partner, it’s just not my favorite thing to do. I do feel close to him afterward though and I know it makes him happy. So my question is this: how can I talk myself into wanting sex when I don’t really feel like it?

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Tracey writes a column summarizing the main points of each episode on Medium. Read it at https://bit.ly/3MhkxN4

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) Please can you suggest a way to speed up sex with my husband? He can last up to an hour at a time. It’s boring and I get sore. He thinks it’s something to be proud of but all I can think of is how to make it end.

2) Should it take longer to have an orgasm as you get older (men and women)?

3) I’m a recently divorced man (42) and have been seeing a woman for two months. All is going well but she came over one night after seeing her friends – lots of drinking involved – and confessed she’d told them all about the sex we’ve been having. I think most of it was complimentary but she also told them about an incident that didn’t go well (she found it funny and I didn’t). Am I wrong to be annoyed about this? It’s made me think twice about her.

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Tracey writes a column summarizing the main points of each episode on Medium. Read it at https://bit.ly/3MhkxN4

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I am in a relationship that I’d describe as ‘just OK’. Sometimes it feels perfectly fine and that I should stay. Other times, when we argue, it feels very much like I should end it. I have been ricocheting between a go/leave decision for about a year now. Any clues to help me decide?

2) My partner is 46 and has started to avoid sex. I suspect because he is having erection problems. The last few times we did attempt sex, he couldn’t get hard. We have never been good at talking about sex so I have no idea of how to address the issue with him. Can you help?

3) My husband and I have been together for 12 years and have a very active sex life. I have multiple orgasms every time we have sex though never through intercourse (I’m not one of those lucky few). Sometimes my orgasm is so intense I make my husband stop immediately. We jokingly call this the "orgasm of death". I love sex and hate that I can't finish one of these very intense orgasms. A- is this normal? and B -any tips for keep the fun going through the intensity?

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Tracey writes a column summarizing the main points of each episode on Medium. Read it at https://bit.ly/3MhkxN4

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) This is something I’m sure you get asked all the time but do I really need to swallow? I don’t mind giving my partner oral sex but really hate the swallowing part. He says it’s like having a hot dog without the tomato sauce. Is this true or is he making a fuss over nothing?

2) You’re always talking about how much better sex is when you use lube. But which lube should I be using? And what about things like Vaseline and baby oil? Don’t they do just as good a job?

3) I've just got married and am four months pregnant. I love my husband dearly but, the week before the wedding, I met up with a man I still have feelings for. I wanted to be sure I was marrying the right person (I decided I am) but I’m ashamed to say we ended up having sex. This should be one of the happiest moments of my life but it’s not because I have no idea who is the father: it could be my ex or my husband. What should I do?

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Tracey writes a column summarizing the main points of each episode on Medium. Read it at https://bit.ly/3MhkxN4

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) We’re stuck in a rut when it comes to sex positions and only do it doggy style or from behind. Any suggestions for how to shake things up a bit without going into Kama Sutra like contortions?

2) I noticed that whenever I wake up during the night, my partner has an erection. I asked him one morning if he’d had a sex dream and he looked embarrassed and said yes. I didn’t ask him what it was about but guessed by his reaction that it wasn’t about me. I know we can’t control our dreams, but it’s left me feeling angry and jealous. If I see he’s hard in the night — which he often is — it makes me paranoid. I know I’m building this up to be more than it is but how do I stop?

3) My boyfriend of four years has finally asked me to marry him but the proposal has arrived after years of arguing about it. He thinks marriage is an outdated tradition and weddings are a waste of money. I am traditional and want a big wedding and a big dress. We’re already arguing about the logistics. Am I making a big mistake? I feel like I’ve forced him into it.

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Tracey writes a column summarizing the main points of each episode on Medium. Read it at https://bit.ly/3MhkxN4

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) My husband has just left me and I honestly don’t know where to go from here. We were married for 19 years but the last seven or so have been hell, after I discovered him cheating, time and time again. He’s now found someone he says he’s in love with and has left me for her. We have two children together but they’re both not living at home anymore. Do you have any advice on what I should do next?

2) How do I incorporate using a vibrator regularly into sex with my partner? It works quickly, every time, so would be perfect to speed up love-making sessions. When he uses his fingers or gives me oral stimulation, it takes much longer and sometimes doesn’t lead to orgasm. The trouble is, I feel anxious bringing it up as I don’t want him to feel inadequate or awkward about me preferring the vibrator to his skills. I would enjoy him using it on me but am too scared to ask!

3) I’m about to have sex with someone that I really like for the first time. I’m excited but also nervous. Any tips on how to make it go well?

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Tracey writes a column summarizing the main points of each episode on Medium. Read it at https://bit.ly/3MhkxN4

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I am single but please don’t tell me to go online to meet someone because I have absolutely no luck that way. Where should I go in person to meet men? Where are they all hiding?

2) My husband is obsessed with the size of his penis. He thinks it’s too small and despite years of reassurance, he’s still really paranoid (He measured it and it’s 4.5 inches/11.5cm when erect.) Every time we have intercourse, he says, ‘I know that won’t have been very satisfying for you’. I’m exhausted by it all. How can I reassure him the problem isn’t his size, it’s him going on and on about it.

3) I met my girlfriend online during lockdown, so most of the sex we had together at the start was via Zoom. Even though it wasn’t in person, it was awesome. She’d masturbate in front of me, talk dirty – nothing seemed off limits. I couldn’t wait to have sex in person but when we finally did, it was weird. She’s really inhibited and uptight and anxious. It hasn’t got better with time. What’s going on?

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Tracey writes a column summarizing the main points of each episode on Medium. Read it at https://bit.ly/3MhkxN4

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1) I’ve been married for 15 years and have sex once a week. My husband tells me this isn’t enough and that other couples do it much more than we do. Is he right? He’s starting to make me feel like there’s something wrong with me for not wanting to do it more often.

2) I’ve been with my boyfriend for five years, since I was 18. It’s been a wonderful relationship and I love him dearly but I think I’ve always known it was more friendship than romantic love for me. The problem is I’m not just breaking up with him, I’m breaking up our families and friends as well. Our lives are so intertwined. I can’t bear the thought of hurting everyone and causing so much disruption. What should I do?

3) My partner wants to try roleplaying our fantasies but the thought of dressing up and play-acting fills me with dread. At best, I think I’d laugh. At worst, I think I’d die with embarrassment. What should I do? She’s insistent we give it a go.

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Tracey writes a column summarizing the main points of each episode on Medium. Read it at https://bit.ly/3MhkxN4

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1. I have a dilemma. I have lots of women friends in my drama class. They are all very pleasant and I enjoy being in their company. One of the unattached ones has fallen for me. I am attached (and believe it or not do love my partner) and will never leave her, and my friend knows it. But there is a sexual attraction between us, and genuine caring between us. It’s been going on for a few years. We have never kissed, except on the cheek. And we meet and have tea and a chat about once every 3 months, pandemic allowing. Am I being unfair to her to still see her, knowing she has fallen for me, with no prospect of anything really happening? I want to do the right thing by her.
2. I’m a 28-year old healthy female but have some issues with desire. I’ve read that taking Viagra makes sex feel better for women. Is this true and would you recommend women take it?
3. Please help! I’m a straight man in my mid-20s and still a virgin, even though I’m pretty average looking and have lots of friends. I haven’t yet had a proper relationship. I don’t have a problem attracting women, but I don’t ever seem to get past the foreplay stage and then things just fizzle out. What am I doing wrong?

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Tracey writes a column summarizing the main points of each episode on Medium. Read it at https://bit.ly/3MhkxN4

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1. My partner of 12 years wants me to ‘peg’ him. I didn’t even know what it was and had to google it. Now I’m worried. Not only don’t I want to do it, I’m worried it secretly means he’s gay.
2. I found out my husband had sex with a hooker on his bachelor’s night just before we got married. What should I do now? That was five years and two kids ago. He deeply regrets it and swears he’s never cheated before or since and that his friends pushed him into it.
3. I like getting quite wild and noisy in bed but it seems to freak men out. Should I calm it down? I don’t feel like I should but I don’t want to scare men off either! My previous long-term partner used to like it.

And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously on zibbyowens.com/sex.

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1. My friends talk about their partners always hassling them for sex but I have the opposite problem. My husband is the one who doesn’t want it. Is he having an affair? Does it mean he doesn’t find me attractive anymore? I’m too embarrassed to talk to my friends.
2. My partner of five months wants to know how many lovers I’ve had. Let’s say I have reinvented myself just a little and that number might be a lot higher than he’s expecting. Should I lie?
3. My husband has a fantasy of seeing me with another man. When he told me about it, it really turned me on and I couldn't stop thinking about it. Am I crazy or selfish for wanting to indulge this in real life? My husband seems really keen to. Is this common and where would we even start with finding someone?

And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously on zibbyowens.com/sex.

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1. I have been with my girlfriend for over a year and still don’t know where I stand. It’s all about her and always has been. She is a very good-looking, sexy woman and I think she secretly thinks she can do better than me. (I’m OK looking but nothing special.) I love her and give her all the attention in the world, but she treats me badly and doesn’t seem to care about anyone but herself. I try to talk to her about my needs but she barely listens. The relationship runs hot and cold. Is there any point in hanging around?
2. My husband and I are keen to have a threesome but also know that these things go wrong all the time. Can you give us some tips on how to make things go smoothly?
3. How do you know if you’re good in bed? My ex told me one of the reasons he broke up with me was because I wasn’t great in the sack and it’s shattered my confidence. I’m not sure if it was said in anger or is actually true. How do I tell?

And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously on zibbyowens.com/sex.

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1. I’m a woman in my mid-20s and I have just met a man I think is the love of my life. He feels the same. The problem is, neither of us had any intention of settling down for at least 10 years. I’ve just finished a degree and started a job that requires long hours. Same for him. I wish I could put him in the deep freeze and thaw him out again when I’m ready. What should I do?
2. How do I know if I’m peeing when I climax or ejaculating? This happens sometimes when I’m masturbating and orgasm. How do you tell the difference between urine and the fluid produced during female ejaculation?
3. I’ve noticed my penis is changing shape. It’s now bent and curves to the right when it’s erect. I’m newly divorced and about to get out there dating. Is this something I need to be concerned or embarrassed about? I mentioned it to my doctor but she brushed me off, saying this can happen after a certain age (I’m 45) and not to worry about it. Should I mention it before I have sex with someone new, so she doesn’t get alarmed?

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously on zibbyowens.com/sex.

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1. A friend of mine (25 years old) has been seeing a married man in his forties who has a child. This has been going on for four years. They've been through some serious things and their 'relationship' is very clearly becoming even more toxic. We’ve all tried to tell her SO many times to stop what she's doing as it's not right and things will never pan out. He's been promising to end things with his wife since they started seeing each other. But recently, he's started to become aggressive and clingy, asking her where she is what she's doing and if she's seeing anyone. She's tried breaking things off before and he's turned up to her workplace looking for her. I’m worried about her safety. How do I drum some sense into her?
2. My boyfriend fell asleep while he was giving me oral sex the other night. Is this normal?? I was so insulted. Is he that uninterested in doing it to me?
3. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now and she has brought up the idea of her starting an ONLY FANS account. She thinks it’s a great way of making money, which I understand as we are both in our 20’s but I feel really uncomfortable with her posting sexy content publicly to other people. Do I have the right to feel that way? It’s her body and her choice. When I bring it up she just seems to mention the money benefits and doesn’t seem to care about the other side of it. I don’t know what to do.

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously on zibbyowens.com/sex.

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1. I’m a 28-year-old woman and I’ve been with my partner for six years. I love him desperately but I’m not that interested in having sex with him anymore. I know that it’s normal for interest in sex to fall over time but I’m young and six years isn’t that long. Is this a sign I’ve chosen the wrong person? Or will this eventually happen with anyone I’m with long term?
2. I’ve been married for 20 years and am struggling to stay sexual with my partner. I find it such an effort to have sex with him even though, when we do, I usually don’t find it too bad. How often do you have to have sex to keep the relationship going? Do I have to have sex if I really don’t want to? My husband doesn’t hassle me for sex but he does really enjoy it when we do have it and I want to make him happy. We get on really well and life is happy otherwise.
3. Can you give me some practical tips on how to keep desire going in a long-term relationship? I’m a lesbian and don’t want to fall victim to lesbian ‘bed death’ – and I know this is something all couples find difficult. We’re only a year in and sex is still awesome. What are some things we can do to make sure it stays that way?

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously on zibbyowens.com/sex.

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1. My husband and I are having massive fights over a long-time friend of mine who I used to date in college. We’d see each other twice a year for dinner and my husband didn’t seem to mind. But now my friend is having problems in his marriage and suddenly my husband is threatened. My friend is attractive and, yes, we have history. But that doesn’t mean I’m about to run off with him. How do I handle this?
2. Just when I think I’ve got it all figured out and found the spot that makes my girlfriend orgasm, she moves the goalposts. It seems to change each time. Is this true or am I imagining it?
3. I’m divorced and back out there dating again. I’ve met someone I am having a great time with sexually but worried my daughter can hear us. The last thing I want to do is scar her for life! She’s 14 years old. I try to keep quiet and always wait until she’s asleep but am I being a bad mother by having sex when she might overhear? The only place I can be intimate is home.

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously on zibbyowens.com/sex.

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1. My partner of 9 years cheated on me recently with a same-sex partner but doesn’t consider that “cheating.” I disagree. He went for an STI check and a blood test confirms he has HSV1 (herpes simplex type 1). I’m terrified I’m going to get it. Should I risk it for him? He’s broken and desperate to make it up to me. 
2. I’m hoping you can help. I’m only 25 and I love my boyfriend of 4 years however I don’t enjoy our sex and I never get “wet”. Even when we try it hurts and I end up just letting him finish. What should I do?
3. My new boyfriend loves my oral sex skills but he gets right to the edge multiple times but can’t orgasm. How do I tip him over the edge and finish the job?

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously on zibbyowens.com/sex.

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1. I am really hoping you can advise me on this because I honestly don’t know what else to do. A very good friend of mine is about to get married. They seem very happy but I recently saw her fiancé having dinner with another woman. They were having a very intense conversation and, at one point, he held her hand across the table. (I was in the same restaurant but hidden from his view.) I don’t know whether to mention this to my friend or not. It might have just been a close female friend but my gut instinct is that it was more than that. Do I tell her what I saw or keep quiet?
2. The chemistry I had with an ex is unbeatable. I’ve had so many relationships since then but it’s not the same. How do I have this feeling again with someone else?
3. Out of the blue, my boyfriend of 18 months announced that he wanted to have a piercing. He also suggested I might have a ‘matching’ piercing myself. Once I’d gotten over the surprise, I did a bit of research. While I was a bit intrigued (these piercings can be kinda hot) there are downsides. Healing can be tricky and you can’t have intercourse for several weeks afterwards. So I said a gentle no. He then went quiet on me for a few days before saying it was his body and he still wanted to get his piercing, but he fully accepted I wouldn’t do the same. He added he wouldn’t do it if I was really, really against it. This has left me in a dilemma. Apart from being taken aback by his request (I’d no idea he had this type of kink) I don’t want such a long pause in having intercourse. I love it! It’s all put a bit of a rift between us. Should I just tell him to get it done?

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously on zibbyowens.com/sex.

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1. Is it true that a red rash appears on the chest if she’s had a real orgasm? Or is this old-school thinking? I remember hearing that a lot when I was a young boy growing up but I haven’t heard anyone talking about it for a while. Another sex myth? Is there any way you can tell for sure? I getting paranoid my new girlfriend is faking it.
2. My partner wants sex all the time to the point where I worry it’s now an addiction. We have sex twice a day but that’s no longer enough. He’s 34 and I’m 36, so this isn’t some horny adolescent who’s just discovered how great sex is. If I deny him sex or refuse to have it a third or fourth time, he sulks and disappears off to the bathroom to take care of himself. (On top of all the sex we have, I know he has extra orgasms solo as well.) I’m starting to feel like a receptacle rather than someone he loves. There’s no intimacy in our sex, it’s all done to give him an orgasm. It’s like he becomes another person. Is sex addiction even real? How do I handle this? He’s always been sex-mad but not to this extreme.
3. So, I know lots of people will judge me on this but I feel like you two won’t. I am having a relationship with one of my son’s friends. Let me reassure you: this isn’t as icky as it sounds. My son is 26 and I had him very young. His friend is 28 and I’m 43. I’ve been single for a long time and this all came out of an innocent friendship that developed between us. My son is aware we are friends and doesn’t seem to mind that but he has no idea we are now lovers. Am I crazy to think this might last? He says he’s serious about me and wants a proper relationship. Should I believe him or assume it’s just a sex thing? If it is just sex, am I better off not telling my son, because it probably won’t last long? Or should I confess anyway? We’re doing a good job of hiding it but it’s getting harder and harder and I would hate my son to find out before we told him.

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously on zibbyowens.com/sex.

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1. My husband of 30 years recently bought a pair of VR goggles for work. The other night I found him in bed wearing the goggles and he was fully aroused and touching himself. He didn’t know I was in the room at that time. When I asked him what he was watching he told me it was virtual porn and that I should try it. I was repulsed and would not. Am I out of touch? Is it wrong to think that he's cheating on me with a virtual person? Is this even normal?
2. I can't orgasm from oral sex, and I would really like to learn to. This is especially an issue because I date women as well as men, and oral is a big deal for women who date women. I'm in my mid 20's, was raised to be very unashamed and to have a positive view of sex. I don't feel awkward or ashamed of my genitals and have no issue with someone's face all up in there. I just feel awkward lying on my back like a bug who can't flip back over, and I don't know what to do with my arms. I also find the sensation of a tongue down there is just...annoying. It tickles a little and other than that feels like nothing. I can orgasm just fine with my fingers (I've owned vibrators but don't like them) and oral just never compares. Can I learn to enjoy oral? Have my partners just been bad at oral?
3. My boyfriend is having trouble staying hard and I’m worried if it’s because of me. He has no problem getting it up, and with me touching him he responds quite well. It’s when we get to penetration that he loses some, if not most of, his erection. Once he’s inside he has no problem getting going and is able to orgasm. But it’s the in-between period of penetration and sex that is causing the issue. Is this potentially ED related? I can tell he’s quite very frustrated with it and want to be able to help/reassure him.

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously on zibbyowens.com/sex.

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1. I know women can have multiple orgasms but that never happens for me. Once I have one, any further stimulation feels too intense. How many women are actually are having multiple orgasms regularly? Is it a myth?
2. I've been with my wife for 14 years and we enjoyed a healthy sex life. Over the past 18 months or so (during the various lockdowns) my wife has put on weight which has affected how attracted I am to her sexually i.e. I no longer wish to rip her clothes off and have passionate sex. Is it wrong of me to lose some of my sexual attraction towards her because of the weight gain? I don't know what the best thing is to do; not say anything or communicate to her how I truly feel (which I know she's going to immediately react defensively to)? Help!
3. Do you have any advice for bisexuals who have struggled with their identity? I put off having sex because I struggled with whether I was straight or gay and wanted to wait until I figured myself out. Now I feel I’m behind in forming relationships and having sex compared to my friends and other young adults. I would really appreciate advice for non-straight sex as well.

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously on zibbyowens.com/sex.

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1. I have been married for eight years and am worried my partner has fallen out of love with me. Our sex life is alright – we don’t do it as much as we did, but I know that’s normal. But we used to sit on the sofa together and now I’ve noticed he settles himself into an armchair. When I asked him why he said it’s better for his back. (He’s only 42 but he does have back problems so might be telling the truth?) We don’t hold hands anymore and he only says he loves me, if I say it first. Is this just how all relationships end up? I have always worried I love him much more than he loves me and that he may be planning to leave.
2. I love your podcast and am hoping you can help me make sense of something that keeps happening to me. I swear to God I’m the straightest man you will ever meet but I have a recurring fantasy which scares me. In it, I go to a gay club with my gay friends - I do this in reality, I’m not homophobic at all. But instead of just having a laugh with them, I go into a cubicle and let a guy give me oral sex. I have no desire at all to do this in real life. Does it mean I am secretly gay? I don’t think so because I love having sex with women and don’t feel attracted to men. I just don’t understand why this gets me off.
3. My boyfriend and I have lots of sex (I’m 28, he’s 26). Recently, I came home unexpectedly to find him watching porn on his phone in the living room and pleasuring himself. I was shocked – why would he do this when he knows he can have sex with me anytime he wants? Does it mean he doesn’t enjoy sex with me? Are we not having it enough? Is it normal for men to continue having solo sex even if they’re having regular sex with their partners?

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously on zibbyowens.com/sex.

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1. My best male friend has – out of the blue – confessed that he loves me. I have never thought of him that way. I love him as a friend but I'm not sure I can move him from the ‘friend basket’ into the ‘boyfriend basket’? Is it really possible for that to happen? We’ve been close friends for over four years. Should we take it slowly or dive right in there with sex? What if the sex is awful and I only want him as a friend. What then?
2. My wife of 20 years and I love each other dearly. We share the same values. We have similar likes and dislikes. But not when it comes to sex. We are very different sex types. I’m adventurous; she’s conservative. I adore foreplay; she wants to go straight to intercourse. I’m a giver; she’s a receiver. She likes sex in one position; I crave variety. If I’m honest she’s a rather selfish lover. We’ve talked a lot about it and I’ve read a lot about it and I don’t think things can or will change. But I couldn’t leave her as despite all this I really, really do do love her. Recently she said that she doesn’t mind if I do my own thing sexually and have the adventure I feel I need, provided I practice safe sex and don’t tell her. My question is should I take up this offer and if so what, how and where?
3. What are your thoughts on this?! It’s been bugging me forever and I can’t get it out of my mind. This guy and I had a thing for years on and off and while having the most passionate sex, he would gladly accept a blowjob from me but wouldn't go down on me at all. I am the cleanest person ever and don't understand why he would refuse when I asked him to. I'm thinking maybe because he would only do this to his wife and nobody else? Or he’s just not experienced. Thoughts?

 And offers her sex tip of the week!