Nightly News Roundup

Nightly News Roundup for May 12, 2026

Wed, 13 May 2026 00:45:41 GMT

Donald Trump flew to Beijing for a lavish state dinner while telling Americans he doesn't think about their financial situation. Iran threatened to choke the Strait of Hormuz. Vladimir Putin test-fired a Sarmat nuclear ICBM and scheduled its combat deployment by year's end — while Washington offered him sanctions relief to pursue peace. The top one percent hit a 36-year wealth record; working-class wages didn't move. Trump Mobile charged $100 for a phone that might never ship. Jeffrey Epstein survivors testified steps from Mar-a-Lago and got the answer they always get: nothing. The Supreme Court gutted the Voting Rights Act. Tennessee erased its one Black-majority district. South Carolina almost did too. The FDA commissioner resigned over fruit-flavored vapes. A $1.2 trillion missile shield still has no specifications. Courts keep ruling Trump's tariffs illegal and then pausing those rulings. The letter never came. The war continues. The bill is yours. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for May 7, 2026

Fri, 08 May 2026 01:58:13 GMT

Trump gave Iran a one-pager and called it diplomacy. Markets called the ceasefire a buying opportunity. A kindergarten in Kyiv called it morning. This episode moves fast because the week did — from a UFC fighter's foreign policy assessment ("fantastic shape") to the dollar's worst six-month slide in half a century; from bipartisan harassment settlements being shredded on Capitol Hill to E. Jean Carroll submitting a $7.4 million interest invoice to the Supreme Court; from a Fort Worth jury and a seven-year-old girl who told her killer her mom said no, to a ceasefire that lasted until Russia found a kindergarten. Forty minutes. No filler. The memo is pending. The math isn't. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for May 6, 2026

Thu, 07 May 2026 01:18:46 GMT

Donald Trump threatened to resume bombing Iran if they didn't sign a one-page war-ending memo, oil crashed to $89, and markets celebrated; he then asked UFC fighter Justin Gaethje whether the war effort was in good shape and accepted "fantastic shape" as official foreign policy assessment; the dollar logged its worst six-month slide in fifty years — Trump called it a competitive advantage, economists called it a hidden tax, Americans called it rent; Rep. Nancy Mace subpoenaed a decade's worth of taxpayer-funded congressional harassment settlements, found bipartisan shame and shredded records, and confirmed the fund remains active; Trump asked the Supreme Court to determine whether presidents can defame sexual assault accusers for free while E. Jean Carroll submitted a bill for $7,462,492.74 in interest; a Fort Worth jury sentenced Tanner Horner to death for murdering 7-year-old Athena Strand — she told him her mom said he couldn't; Ukraine declared a ceasefire at midnight and Russia struck a kindergarten by morning. The memo is pending. The math isn't. The kindergarten is gone. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for May 5, 2026

Wed, 06 May 2026 01:53:24 GMT

Marco Rubio's stated strategic objective in the Strait of Hormuz is to recreate conditions that existed before America destroyed them — full stop — while Big Oil banks billions monthly, Iran hits the UAE twice in 48 hours, 20,000 sailors remain stranded, and Pete Hegseth insists the ceasefire holds; gas prices reached $4.48 nationally, up 41% since February, and Rubio told Americans they're "very fortunate," supporting the claim with an unsourced $8-per-gallon hypothetical he produced without evidence; Trump accused Pope Leo XIV of endorsing Iranian nuclear weapons because the Pope called for peace, Rubio flew to the Vatican to repair the relationship, then told reporters en route he essentially agrees with Trump; Senate Republicans buried $1 billion for "security enhancements" tied to Trump's $400 million White House ballroom inside an immigration enforcement bill, the same ballroom Trump swore would cost taxpayers "not one dime"; Pete Hegseth confirmed at a Pentagon briefing that Iran lacks kamikaze dolphins while declining to confirm whether the U.S. possesses them, General Dan Caine cited Austin Powers, all during an active shooting war with 20,000 stranded sailors; the Trump administration shuttered the legally required independent office investigating civil rights abuses in immigration detention as use of force against detainees hit unprecedented levels, took the complaint website offline, and blamed Congress for a closure Congress didn't mandate; and Kash Patel, possibly days from dismissal as FBI Director, spent two hours with Sean Hannity on UFO files, AI crime-stopping, and a secret burn bag in a room absent from FBI headquarters blueprints. The dolphins denied. The diplomats departed. The dollars danced. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for May 4, 2026

Tue, 05 May 2026 01:33:28 GMT

Donald Trump threatened to erase Iranian civilization over Project Freedom speedboat harassment in the Strait of Hormuz, where the US military sank six Iranian vessels and Iran simultaneously claims its missiles struck a US warship, with both governments insisting the other side is lying while oil prices climb and the Pentagon shrugs; Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito — who spiked Roe v. Wade four years ago — granted a one-week hold on a Fifth Circuit order banning telehealth mifepristone access, a drug used safely by seven million Americans, after Louisiana argued that mail-order abortion pills undermine a near-total ban so airtight that national abortions nearly doubled since 2022; Acting Attorney General Todd Blanche indicted former FBI Director James B. Comey over Instagram seashells spelling "86 47," a phrase Blanche acknowledged appears constantly online without producing charges, citing additional secret evidence he cannot describe — the Justice Department's second prosecution attempt against a Trump critic in 18 months, by the same men who declined to investigate emails in which grown men discuss raping children; Trump teased imminent UFO file releases while Jeffrey Epstein's client list remains classified, extending a transparency record covering dead presidents, murdered civil rights leaders, and possible extraterrestrials before living humans in documented criminal networks; the Koch-funded Cato Institute found immigrants generated a $539 billion net fiscal surplus in 2023 alone and undocumented immigrants paid $3 trillion in taxes over 30 years, research the administration actively deporting them has not addressed; and Trump dropped $12 million into Indiana state Senate primaries to punish seven Republicans for a redistricting vote, using ads that never mention redistricting and falsely attack senators over a Chinese farmland bill every one of them voted correctly on, one of which opens on a bunny and a toilet paper roll. The seashells arraigned. The speedboats sunk. The Hoosiers vote tomorrow. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for May 1, 2026

Sat, 02 May 2026 00:02:53 GMT

Donald Trump mailed Congress a form letter declaring the Iran war terminated — the same afternoon he threatened to bomb Tehran into gravel — skirting a War Powers Act deadline that required congressional approval he never sought; the national debt crossed 100 percent of GDP for the first time since 1946, the Congressional Budget Office projecting 120 percent by 2035 as the federal government spends $1.33 for every dollar it collects against a $1.9 trillion deficit; Spirit Airlines moved toward liquidation — the first major U.S. carrier to fold since 2008 — after a Trump administration $500 million rescue loan collapsed alongside creditor talks and a week of presidential ambivalence; the Supreme Court gutted Section 2 of the Voting Rights Act in Louisiana v. Callais, dismantling minority redistricting protections and sending advocates scrambling to rebuild civil rights law one state legislature at a time, with Mississippi on the to-do list; the Senate unanimously banned members and staff from betting prediction markets on outcomes they directly legislate, a reform that stops at the Senate door while the House, the White House, and the rest of official Washington remain free to wager on their own decisions; and the 152nd Kentucky Derby runs Saturday, fifty thousand gamblers in borrowed finery betting borrowed money on twelve hundred pounds of animal they've never met, legalized corruption wearing a fascinator. The memo filed. The debt compounds. Post time tomorrow. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Apr. 30, 2026

Fri, 01 May 2026 01:14:06 GMT

A courthouse vault has held Jeffrey Epstein's possible suicide note for seven years while the DOJ published his files and admitted it's never seen the thing — found, for the record, by convicted quadruple murderer Nicholas Tartaglione tucked inside a graphic novel; Donald Trump pulled Fox News radiologist Dr. Nicole Saphier as his second Surgeon General nominee after vaccine skeptic Casey Means couldn't clear the Senate, branding Senator Bill Cassidy "disloyal" for expecting a doctor; Trump declared Iran's leadership "wiped out" the same day Iran's supreme leader aired a naval threat on state television while the Strait of Hormuz stays closed and Brent crude hit $126 a barrel and American drivers hit $4.30 a gallon, $1.32 more than February 28th; the House ended a record 75-day DHS shutdown by paying TSA workers who donated blood to cover rent, then immediately launched a $70 billion reconciliation package for the immigration agencies it just excluded; Pete Hegseth absorbed a second straight day of congressional testimony with protesters screaming "war criminal" while Senator Jack Reed enumerated Iran's surviving regime, nuclear stockpile, and closed waterway against a $1.45 trillion Pentagon budget ask; and Ventura County charged Britney Spears with misdemeanor DUI while her representative promised an "overdue needed plan" — three years after a court that controlled her life for 13 years decided she was on her own. The vault holds. The meter runs. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Apr. 29, 2026

Wed, 29 Apr 2026 23:29:21 GMT

Donald Trump honored the first lunar crew since Nixon with four minutes before pivoting to two wars he couldn't keep straight by name; James Comey surrendered over an Instagram seashell post while the president interpreting "86" as a mob kill order controls the nuclear codes; Pete Hegseth spent six hours before Congress confirming a five-week war is now eight weeks and $25 billion deep without confirming he recommended it; Shane Bracko paid $90,000 for a Cybertruck that failed before he cleared the lot and later wrecked in a ditch, as Tesla recalled five million vehicles in 2024 and paid zero federal tax on $5.7 billion in 2025 income; two juries gave E. Jean Carroll $88.3 million after finding the sitting sex offender president liable, and he asked a court to swap his name for the country's; the Supreme Court ruled Louisiana's court-mandated map unconstitutional while Justice Clarence Thomas questioned whether the Voting Rights Act applies to maps at all; Pam Bondi agreed to testify about Epstein's network behind closed doors after ignoring her subpoena; and Congress renewed warrantless FBI access to Americans' communications by stapling a digital currency ban to the bill, because the grift must be comprehensive. The warrant is decorative. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 28, 2026

Wed, 29 Apr 2026 01:13:43 GMT

King Charles III flew to Washington to remind America that checks on executive power exist, which Democrats applauded and Republicans tolerated without apparent self-awareness; Todd Blanche filed federal charges against James Comey over a beach photograph of seashells while the Justice Department's credibility dissolved into the surf; Donald Trump eliminated all 22 members of the National Science Board without explanation because expertise is apparently a firing offense now; Brendan Carr's FCC accelerated license reviews for eight ABC stations because Jimmy Kimmel made a widow joke and the president took it personally; Trump announced on social media that Iran admitted collapse and wants the Strait of Hormuz reopened, complete with encouraging parenthetical; Wisconsin farm bankruptcies rose 700% and Arkansas set century records while the rural coalition that elected this administration watches its livelihoods foreclose quietly; and three Republican senators introduced a $400 million taxpayer-funded ballroom bill 48 hours after an assassination attempt, because the grift does not observe weekends. The castle is sand. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Apr. 27, 2026

Mon, 27 Apr 2026 23:45:21 GMT

Cole Tomas Allen allegedly brought a shotgun to the White House Correspondents' Dinner over Trump officials he accused of sexual misconduct, which the White House blamed on Democrats before anyone read his note; Donald Trump volunteered to Norah O'Donnell that he was neither a rapist nor a pedophile before calling her disgraceful for making him say it; Kash Patel deflected every security question from the same ballroom he couldn't exit for 90 minutes after Trump fled; Jimmy Kimmel's "expectant widow" joke became a federal grievance while the actual shooter's motive pointed squarely at the administration itself; Iran offered to unseal the Strait of Hormuz without touching its nukes and Trump announced he held all the cards; financial institutions have quietly paid over $1 billion to settle Epstein-related claims while the DOJ retrained its sights on Trump's political enemies; the CDC installed a tobacco industry veteran as its legislative affairs deputy under the health secretary who built a career screaming about corporate poison; and every economic promise made a year ago — $2,000 checks, eliminated income tax, $2 trillion in DOGE savings, cheap groceries, half-price energy, no new wars — remains a receivable with no payment date. The bill exists. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Apr. 24, 2026

Sat, 25 Apr 2026 00:31:00 GMT

The Supreme Court ruled Donald Trump's tariffs illegal, so $166 billion in refunds are now flowing to the corporations that already billed you extra to cover them; Pete Hegseth told Europe to get in a boat and threatened to hand Argentina the Falkland Islands when Britain politely refused; America burned through $35 billion and 1,100 cruise missiles stockpiled for China in two months of Iran war while Xi Jinping updated his calendar; gas cracked $4 a gallon and Trump's own Energy Secretary said relief won't come until 2027, which Trump called totally wrong; the FBI shed 2,600 agents while the DOJ issued a press release declaring itself history's most efficient; ICE deployed masked agents in unmarked cars until American cities couldn't identify their own police; and Congress is renewing warrantless surveillance of Americans while the man who built a career screaming about FISA cheered from Truth Social. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 23, 2026

Fri, 24 Apr 2026 00:37:28 GMT

Donald Trump hired his hotel pool contractor to renovate the Lincoln Memorial while insisting he outdrew Martin Luther King Jr.; the Iran ceasefire held just long enough for Trump to issue shoot-to-kill orders and triple mine-sweeping operations in the Strait of Hormuz; House Republicans weighed springing Ghislaine Maxwell if the client list was worth it; the Justice Department responded to its own Epstein failures by auditing itself; Meta and Microsoft fed roughly 17,000 workers into the AI they built; Green Beret Gannon Ken Van Dyke bet $33,000 on a classified op and cleared $400,000; and a 22-year-old medical student in India farmed MAGA followers with a fake blonde named Emily Hart and called them super dumb. He wasn't wrong. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Apr. 22, 2026

Thu, 23 Apr 2026 00:25:49 GMT

Iran seized two ships while the U.S. Navy searched for a secretary; RFK Jr. reinvented arithmetic before a Senate committee and nobody stopped him; Andrew Hugg, the Army's top nuclear security officer, apparently treated wartime intelligence like bar trivia; Todd Blanche indicted the SPLC for running informants on the Klan; Laura Loomer lost a defamation suit over a joke because courts still require actual defamation; and Ghislaine Maxwell FedExed her freedom bid on a USB drive. The Navy is in great hands. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Apr. 21, 2026

Wed, 22 Apr 2026 00:28:29 GMT

The ceasefire expired with JD Vance still in Washington and Jared Kushner somehow on the peace delegation; Donald Trump spent a morning threatening bombs, extended the truce anyway, and handed a trophy to a wrestler; Virginia burned $80 million arguing about cheating at maps while Trump admitted he'd heard of gerrymandering; Tucker Carlson found his conscience 25 years too late; Alex Jones lost his platform to a joke website for $81,000 a month; and the Pentagon asked Congress for $54.6 billion for something called DAWG. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Apr. 20, 2026

Tue, 21 Apr 2026 00:14:15 GMT

Labor Secretary Lori Chavez-DeRemer resigned over booze, an affair with a subordinate, and fabricated travel schedules — the White House called it phenomenal work; the Iran ceasefire expires Wednesday with no talks scheduled and JD Vance unable to identify his departure airport; Trump screamed at aides for hours after an F-15 went down and was kept out of the Situation Room because his impatience "wouldn't be helpful"; FBI Director Kash Patel sued The Atlantic over a drinking story, then named the specific bars where he insists he doesn't drink — in an unspellchecked complaint; the Supreme Court ruled Trump's tariffs illegal, corporations get $166 billion back, consumers get nothing; the House Ethics Committee admitted nearly half its sexual misconduct investigations since 1976 ended when the accused simply quit and walked; and the BBC documented five instances of massive, perfectly timed trades minutes before Trump's market-moving announcements — a pattern analysts called consistent with illegal insider trading. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Apr. 16, 2026

Fri, 17 Apr 2026 00:28:08 GMT

Israel and Hezbollah agreed to a 10-day ceasefire — emphasis on ten days — while Trump claimed the diplomatic credit like a man who found someone else's wallet; Trump defunded Catholic Charities' migrant shelter program the same week he picked a public fight with Pope Leo XIV, who called unnamed world leaders tyrants manipulating religion for power; Pete Hegseth delivered Jules Winnfield's pre-execution Pulp Fiction monologue as official Pentagon prayer, and every person in that room said amen; the administration buried the death of IRS Direct File — 98% satisfaction, $160 saved per filer — in a quiet Treasury report, handing the money back to TurboTax; Trump nominated the genuinely qualified Dr. Erica Schwartz to lead the gutted CDC, where she will report to Robert F. Kennedy Jr.; ICE acting director Todd Lyons confirmed 44 detainee deaths since March, a record, then told Congress there is no policy to reduce them — ICE also quietly stopped reporting deaths promptly; and John Eastman lost his California law license for the fake elector scheme, joining Rudy Giuliani, Kenneth Chesebro, and Jeff Clark in the disbarred-and-still-free club. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Apr. 15, 2026

Thu, 16 Apr 2026 01:48:15 GMT

The White House denied requesting a ceasefire it simultaneously confirmed negotiating while Donald Trump declared he'd permanently opened the Strait of Hormuz and predicted Xi Jinping would hug him; Representative Yassamin Ansari filed six impeachment articles against Pete Hegseth — including a school bombing that killed 160 children — while the Pentagon said nothing and the children stayed dead; the Supreme Court handed DOGE your Social Security records without explanation and the Fourth Circuit called itself "inferior" and complied; Trump demanded clean renewal of warrantless surveillance he once called tyranny, with the CIA's best argument being a foiled Taylor Swift concert attack; Katie Miller declared falling teen birth rates a national emergency and called reproduction "our biological destiny" — a White House official's wife, posting publicly about teenage girls' bodies; the Justice Department, now run by Jeanine Pirro, asked a court to erase the seditious conspiracy convictions of men who stormed the Capitol, convictions Trump already pardoned but now wants scrubbed from the historical record; a federal jury found Live Nation and Ticketmaster guilty of criminal monopoly and fined them $280 million with no structural remedy — you will keep paying the fees; JD Vance lost Iran negotiations while Trump watched UFC, watched Orbán lose Hungary, then flew home to warn his own Pope about theology; a federal judge ruled the DOJ's criminal probe of the Fed exists solely to pressure Jerome Powell into resigning, and Trump called Powell bad at his job on Fox Business anyway; and Mississippi — dead last in health care, 49th in economy — cannot get whiskey to its bars because software ate the conveyor belt and the Senate killed the fix without comment. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Apr. 14, 2026

Wed, 15 Apr 2026 02:42:01 GMT

Pam Bondi ghosted a bipartisan Epstein subpoena after getting fired while Justice said her own subpoena "no longer applies" — Steve Bannon and Peter Navarro went to prison for this exact move; Iran threatened every Gulf port then offered a Strait of Hormuz pause as a peace gesture, using the same chokepoint as sword and olive branch with one week left on the ceasefire; oil cracked $100 a barrel, the IMF warned of a fifth global recession since 1980, and Trump issued conflicting statements about why his warships are blockading Iranian ports while finance ministers gathered in Washington to price out the damage; Virginia Gov. Abigail Spanberger stripped Confederate tax exemptions and United Daughters of the Confederacy president Julie Hardaway called it discrimination — their state-gifted marble headquarters may revert to Virginia; Nebraska burned a million acres in March, the Morrill fire killed 86-year-old Rose White before she could flee her home, and the administration dismantling NOAA has the cleanup; and Trump's DoorDash woman was a paid GOP actress recycled from previous testimonials, while the actual pitch — a 70-year-old delivering McDonald's to fund her husband's cancer treatment — was meant to be inspirational. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Apr. 13, 2026

Tue, 14 Apr 2026 00:22:37 GMT

Trump blockaded the Strait of Hormuz and is already taking Iran's calls; Eric Swalwell and Tony Gonzales resigned from Congress in the same week — one accused of rape, one of coercive texting a staffer who later killed herself, both citing process and God's plan respectively; Trump feuded with Pope Leo XIV, called him soft on crime, and explained a deleted Jesus image as a medical miscommunication; Judge Darrin P. Gayles threw out the $10 billion Epstein letter lawsuit and wrote that Trump came nowhere close to proving malice; JD Vance went 0-for-2, losing Hungary and Iran in the same road trip while Trump's Easter brunch alibi was already on the record; and Trump announced a 4,500-seat fight cage on the South Lawn for his 80th birthday, which Joe Rogan called a gimmick. Joe Rogan. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Apr. 9, 2026

Thu, 09 Apr 2026 23:55:07 GMT

Melania Trump held an unprompted press conference to announce she barely knew Jeffrey Epstein, while 200 Justice Department attorneys worked overtime to ensure the files named after him tell you nothing; Trump threatened to abandon NATO, Netanyahu killed 303 people and called it diplomacy; Pete Hegseth's "fortified" base turned out to be tin shacks where survivors bled out and stole a car to reach a hospital; the Pope told Trump to go to his own party alone; the Iran ceasefire violated its own terms before the ink dried; and four astronauts flew farther from Earth than any humans in history, which, given the week, seems like the right call. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for April 8, 2026

Thu, 09 Apr 2026 00:51:36 GMT

Donald Trump threatened to erase Iranian civilization on Tuesday, brokered a ceasefire by Tuesday night that doesn't cover Lebanon, and Pete Hegseth and Iran both declared victory over the same deal that got worse the closer you looked — no inspectors, no enrichment caps, a $2 million toll booth where a free strait used to be, and Barack Obama's verified nuclear freeze traded for a handshake and a prayer; NATO Secretary General Mark Rutte called Trump "daddy," ran a year-long charm offensive that saved nothing, and now watches an alliance Trump hollowed out blame him for not joining an illegal war; former Attorney General Pam Bondi argued her subpoena died with her job title and declined to testify about the Epstein files she buried on the way out; Iranian state-linked hackers broke into the computers controlling American power plants and water systems, scrambled the controls, blinded the operators, and Trump brokered a ceasefire with those same people and called it decisive; ICE confirmed it's running Graphite, Israeli zero-click spyware that reads encrypted messages without a touch, aimed at fentanyl traffickers and also apparently journalists, aid workers, and U.S. citizens protesting ICE; and Rep. John Larson filed impeachment articles, seventy Democrats invoked the 25th Amendment, and Tucker Carlson, Alex Jones, and Megyn Kelly all said Trump went too far — which is the political equivalent of your getaway driver calling the cops. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for March 30, 2026

Tue, 31 Mar 2026 01:50:45 GMT

Donald Trump threatened to obliterate Kharg Island on Truth Social while Iran denied any peace talks existed and thousands of U.S. troops loaded into the region anyway; the Supreme Court scheduled April 1st arguments on birthright citizenship, a case the administration is defending with Confederate-era white supremacist legal theory the Court already rejected in 1898; measles hit 1,566 Americans across 30 states this year, with outbreaks at Utah temples, Texas detention centers, and a Florida Catholic university, and the vaccine is free but people are skipping it; Proud Boys who beat Capitol Police officers got pardoned by Donald Trump and immediately sued those same officers for $18 million, with Christopher Worrell — who called his own conduct "inexcusable" at sentencing — now claiming police attacked him; Marjorie Taylor Greene called Fox News "fake news" for cheerleading the Iran war, Ann Coulter agreed, and the network that paid $787 million to settle the Dominion defamation case is now too dishonest for the people it created; Moody's put U.S. recession odds at 50% as oil cracked $112 a barrel, gas hit $3.99, and the Federal Reserve held rates and said nothing useful; and Iranian hackers broke into FBI Director Kash Patel's personal Gmail and published photos of him posing with rum and cigars, because the man running America's premier law enforcement agency skipped two-factor authentication. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for March 25, 2026

Thu, 26 Mar 2026 01:23:03 GMT

The Treasury published its own insolvency report and the press missed it entirely; America owes $136 trillion when you count the obligations the government keeps off the books, and federal accountants haven't been able to sign off on the numbers in 29 consecutive years; Iran told Trump the peace plan was excessive and Karoline Leavitt promised hell while the 82nd Airborne loaded up for a region where nobody is technically negotiating; a Los Angeles jury decided Mark Zuckerberg ran a knowing child-harm operation and he flew in personally to hear it; day 40 of the DHS shutdown has TSA running on fumes while both parties spent Tuesday calling each other's proposals fictional; the CDC has burned through three directors, lost a cop to a gunman at its own headquarters, had its vaccine schedule voided by a federal judge, and the White House missed the legal deadline to replace anyone; the United States voted against calling the slave trade a crime against humanity the same week the president complained slavery gets too much coverage at the Smithsonian; and Emily Gregory won the Mar-a-Lago statehouse seat by 2.4 points after Donald Trump campaigned hard, posted harder, and cast his ballot by mail. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for March 24, 2026

Tue, 24 Mar 2026 22:30:02 GMT

Trump held a press conference and declared victory over Iran four times in thirty-nine minutes while also wanting a ceasefire, not wanting a ceasefire, and sending Marines with no boots on the ground; a white plumber with an associate degree is now running Homeland Security because DEI is the problem; the president mailed his ballot two days after calling mail-in voting cheating; he ordered Republicans to kill the DHS deal on Sunday and signed it on Tuesday because his ICE agents couldn't find a bomb in a diaper bag; and a dead pilot tried to warn us about LaGuardia months ago and someone filed it and went to lunch. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for March 23, 2026

Tue, 24 Mar 2026 00:14:49 GMT

Donald Trump broke the airports, then deployed ICE agents who can't screen luggage to fix them; the administration paid a French oil company $928 million to stop building wind farms, announced the death of subsidies with a straight face, and called it energy independence; Iran and America are either negotiating or lying about negotiating while 2,000 people are dead and Jared Kushner holds the pen; Russian intelligence defeated the entire U.S. security apparatus with a fake help desk email; the Navy shipped 4,200 Marines toward a war it won't name while calling the deployment routine; the Pentagon recruited civilian volunteers to do ICE data entry by comparing deportations to wildfire relief; and a conservative magazine founder proposed a constitutional coup — with a Democrat as VP — as the last sane off-ramp anyone could find. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Mar. 17, 2026

Wed, 18 Mar 2026 00:25:39 GMT

Donald Trump got ghosted by all thirty-two NATO allies for a war he started, then declared he never needed them — from inside a meeting with Ireland, a country not in NATO; the administration's anti-war conscience turned out to be an antisemite, which tracks; the president who ran on ending migrant farm labor quietly slashed migrant farmworker wages to fix the shortage his deportations caused; Jeanine Pirro went on Fox News to beg viewers to become federal prosecutors because the DOJ fired everyone with a résumé; Mike Johnson asked for $16.5 billion to restock munitions for a not-war that Congress never authorized; a Republican subpoenaed a Republican over Jeffrey Epstein files that implicate people nobody wants to name out loud; and DOGE fired the exact officials whose only job was preventing what's currently happening in the Strait of Hormuz. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Mar. 12, 2026

Fri, 13 Mar 2026 01:21:03 GMT

Tonight: A ghost supreme leader nobody's seen since his own coronation choked off 20% of the world's daily oil supply, Energy Secretary Chris Wright told America it's a "weeks not months" problem while Brent crude screamed 25% higher and Bahrain declared force majeure, Sen. Ron Johnson single-handedly killed the Major Richard Star Act because a $39 trillion debt he helped build suddenly became a moral emergency, DHS purged three officials for refusing to forge federal records — and the whole thing started because one CBP officer did her job correctly, someone drove a mortar-loaded vehicle into a Michigan synagogue with a preschool inside and got shot dead by the building's own security, and thousands of white South Africans are fleeing to the country Donald Trump insists is persecuting them, as 3,500 Afrikaners fly the other direction toward the chaos those thousands are escaping. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Mar. 11, 2026

Thu, 12 Mar 2026 02:39:56 GMT

Tonight: Donald Trump called a 12-day Middle East war a "short-term excursion" while simultaneously declaring "we haven't won enough" and suggesting Iran bombed its own girls' school with an American Tomahawk missile, Pete Hegseth gutted civilian casualty protocols in the name of lethality and the Pentagon's own investigators concluded outdated U.S. targeting data killed 165 children in Minab, a DOGE staffer allegedly walked out of the Social Security Administration with 500 million Americans' records on a thumb drive headed for a private employer, BlackRock locked the exits on a $26 billion fund and reminded the private credit industry that illiquid means illiquid until it means insolvent, James Comer demanded Epstein accountability on Fox News while surgically removing the names "Donald Trump" and "Bill Barr" from the sentence, and a federal jury watched video evidence and convicted all three Alexander brothers on every count while Kash Patel's assurances about the Epstein files dissolved in real time. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Mar. 10, 2026

Wed, 11 Mar 2026 01:41:39 GMT

Tonight: Donald Trump launched a war via Truth Social and called it a "short-term excursion" while his own Pentagon declared it had "Only Just Begun to Fight," Pete Hegseth's department spent $98,000 on a grand piano and $6.9 million on lobster tail during the same month he called fat generals unacceptable, a Trump-appointed judge found ICE formally adopted racial profiling as policy and wrote 111 pages explaining why that's a problem, Kash Patel purged 300 counterterrorism agents and ISIS promptly reminded New York City why that matters, Kristi Noem got fired for a $222 million contract nobody approved and Corey Lewandowski is next in line to deny everything, and Eric and Don Jr. are invested in drone companies holding Defense Department contracts in a war where drones are deciding outcomes. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Mar. 9, 2026

Mon, 09 Mar 2026 23:36:06 GMT

Tonight: Donald Trump described an active war on Iran as a "short-term excursion" while claiming veto power over Tehran's next supreme leader, Lindsey Graham threatened Saudi Arabia for refusing to fight the war he lobbied Trump to start from a golf course, the White House spiked a joint FBI-DHS-NCTC terrorism bulletin warning of Iranian proxy attacks on U.S. soil because the writing needed work, Trump held the legislative calendar hostage to a voter suppression bill stuffed with trans sports bans, Mehmet Oz declared 23 million insured Americans too many and set his target at 19 million, Claudia Sheinbaum reminded Trump's counter-cartel summit that American guns arm 75% of the cartels Trump wants to eradicate, and ICE is tracking protesters in real time using commercially purchased data after the Senate killed the one bill that would have required a warrant to do it. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Mar. 6, 2026

Sat, 07 Mar 2026 02:43:47 GMT

Tonight: Russia handed Iran the GPS coordinates of American troops while Pete Hegseth called Moscow "not really a factor," the U.S. military acknowledged it likely killed 160 people — including scores of schoolgirls — in a strike the Pentagon described as "probably ours," the economy shed 92,000 jobs while December's reported gains quietly became losses and Scott Bessent changed tariff policy mid-week for sport, the Justice Department "discovered" 15 FBI files it previously swore didn't exist detailing a woman's allegations that Donald Trump sexually assaulted her at 13, Kristi Noem and Corey Lewandowski both got fired while the pilot Lewandowski fired over a missing blanket got reinstated, Kuwait ran out of oil storage because the Strait of Hormuz is a war zone and Doug Burgum described the administration's response as "a series of ideas," and Donald Trump announced a 100,000-seat stadium beside the White House for a UFC fight on his birthday while the Rose Garden remains pavement. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Mar. 5, 2026

Fri, 06 Mar 2026 02:44:40 GMT

Tonight: Donald Trump fires Kristi Noem — who oversaw the shooting deaths of two American citizens, conducted a public affair with her married senior adviser, and administered polygraph tests to staffers she didn't trust — and rewards her with a made-up diplomatic title before nominating the only sitting senator without a bachelor's degree to run the fourth-largest federal agency while the country is four days into an unauthorized war, Congress votes 219-212 to let that war continue without authorization or stated objectives while Mike Johnson describes congressional oversight as the reckless option, Trump announces he expects to personally select Iran's next supreme leader and cites Venezuela as his proof of concept, 357 members of Congress vote to permanently seal their own sexual misconduct files eleven minutes after a sexual assault survivor forced the vote while a colleague whose staffer died by suicide welcomes the Ethics investigation, gas prices spike 27 cents in a week and the president who won on kitchen-table economics tells Americans "if they rise, they rise," and Mississippi exempts college athletes from state income tax while the nurses and teachers who actually live there keep paying theirs. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Mar. 4, 2026

Thu, 05 Mar 2026 00:26:54 GMT

Tonight: Mike Johnson stands before reporters and announces the United States is not at war with Iran four days after the president named the operation, promised American casualties, and the Defense Secretary used the word "war" on camera twice before lunch, Pete Hegseth screens periscope footage of a torpedo splitting a ship carrying 180 people and describes the 148 deaths as a "quiet death" because that is the man running the Pentagon, the Justice Department releases 2.7 million Epstein documents and quietly pulls the 47,635 pages involving the sitting president for "further review" on a deadline that keeps sliding, Republicans subpoena their own attorney general for hiding files their own president's law required her to release and Pam Bondi responds by offering to brief a few of them at a time in a room with no cameras, the United States bombs Latin America for the 44th time and marks the occasion with a Pentagon hype video and no congressional authorization, Penn Wharton puts the Iran war tab at $115 billion and climbing toward $275 billion for a conflict the president describes as lasting "a little while," and Thomas Fugate — 23 years old, former grocery clerk, one year removed from college — runs domestic terrorism prevention at the Department of Homeland Security while the country is four days into a war that everyone but the Speaker is willing to name. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Mar. 3, 2026

Wed, 04 Mar 2026 01:30:40 GMT

Tonight: Donald Trump kills Iran's supreme leader and its entire replacement bench in the same strike package and explains from the Oval Office that the next guy might be worse, Kash Patel fires America's Iran intelligence unit four days before America goes to war with Iran because personal loyalty outranks national security and always will, Kristi Noem sits before the Senate for four hours and declines to apologize for anything including the dog, Marco Rubio tells Congress Israel's plans set the clock and Trump tells reporters he set the clock and both men work for the same government, Alex Jones becomes the most intellectually consistent voice in American foreign policy commentary and no one knows what to do with that, the VA eliminates 14,400 medical positions at hospitals that were already short-staffed and assures veterans the math is fine, and United States military commanders invoke the Book of Revelation to explain a live war to active-duty troops because Pete Hegseth has been running the Pentagon since January. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Mar. 2, 2026

Tue, 03 Mar 2026 02:12:18 GMT

Tonight: Donald Trump promises the big wave is coming for a nuclear program he already claimed to have destroyed, JD Vance discovers that opinions have consequences and silence is a full-time job, Pete Hegseth stands at the Pentagon podium and explains that America didn’t start the war America started while somehow not mentioning the three American jets Kuwait just shot out of the sky, six kids are dead and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs tells the country to pencil in more, Bill Clinton spends six hours explaining a painting he’s never seen of himself in a dress hanging in a pedophile’s apartment, Lindsey Graham calls Cuba and announces its days are numbered while the Middle East is already on fire, a federal court tells the Trump administration it has 90 days to return tariff money it was never allowed to collect and approximately zero days to stall, and somewhere in all of this, Barron Trump has bone spurs. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 20, 2026

Sat, 21 Feb 2026 03:09:27 GMT

Tonight: The Supreme Court rules Trump's tariffs illegal and he announces more tariffs, calls his own appointees traitors, and promises to "find out" what evidence he doesn't have, three hundred billion dollars in illegal charges hits American consumers who are now told to lawyer up and wait five years, Trump threatens to bomb a nuclear program he already claims to have destroyed while two carrier groups idle offshore and nobody mentions Iraq, Jeffrey Epstein's files stay buried while Pete Hegseth posts alien emojis, GDP limps to 1.4% and the president blames everyone except the man in the mirror, the Labor Secretary is under investigation for strip clubs and a bodyguard while her husband gets trespassed from her own building, and the U.S. Air Force is out here doing its job with quiet professionalism while the Commander-in-Chief threatens the judiciary. Also, America plays Canada for hockey gold Sunday morning and it is never too early. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 18 & 19, 2026

Fri, 20 Feb 2026 03:19:04 GMT

Tonight: A British prince gets arrested on his 66th birthday while his brother issues a statement and his sister tours a prison voluntarily, the president invokes the Defense Production Act to save a cancer-linked weedkiller from litigation while his own health secretary quietly dissolves into irrelevance, the Justice Department hangs the president's portrait on its own building and apparently sees nothing wrong with that, Trump tells a roomful of kings he might bomb Iran in ten days or possibly not while oil spikes 7% and the hedge funds start popping bottles, Palantir pays zero federal taxes on $1.5 billion in profits while billing the government for the surveillance apparatus your money built, a Texas Railroad Commission candidate refines his deportation policy down to four specific indigenous women and cannot identify a destination country for people who were here before countries existed, and Hilary Knight scored with 124 seconds left in her final Olympics because some people simply will not go quietly. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 17, 2026

Wed, 18 Feb 2026 01:51:27 GMT

Tonight: DHS's chief spokesliar bolts before the subpoenas clear customs, Epstein's New Mexico ranch transfers from convicted pedophile to MAGA tax cheat without missing a beat, the FCC weaponizes airtime rules to gag a comedy show while the First Amendment files for disability, Iran threatens to sink American carriers as Jared Kushner negotiates the apocalypse over uranium, an 18-year-old drives a tactical arsenal to the Capitol steps and gets politely arrested, federal workers guard the president for free because ICE refuses to wear cameras, and Jesse Jackson, the kid arrested for reading while Black, finally put the book down. Democracy's gargling mouthwash. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 16, 2026

Tue, 17 Feb 2026 01:35:22 GMT

Tonight: Federal agents execute citizens then hide the evidence, Trump rages at California's climate diplomacy from his nursing home, billionaire donors offshore Ohio while preaching America First, the FBI seizes Georgia ballots to relitigate 2020, DHS builds dissident databases with tech company cheerleaders, Ohio senators pocket Epstein money then vote to bury the files, and RFK Jr. torches vaccine innovation because brainworms make policy now. Democracy's in hospice care. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 13, 2026

Sat, 14 Feb 2026 02:25:33 GMT

Tonight: Minneapolis murders meet Munich getaways, ICE agents perjure for sport, Trump pardons corpses and cocaine cowboys, aircraft carriers pretend diplomacy works, Western states delay drowning, Noem turns DHS into influencer content, and Norway's Nobel chief vacationed at Epstein's rape island. Consequences took the long weekend, carnage clocks in. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 12, 2026

Fri, 13 Feb 2026 03:34:04 GMT

Tonight: RFK Jr.'s relapse politics, Pam Bondi’s espionage cosplay, Kushner’s nuclear vanity projects, Kristi Noem’s QVC border theater, and lasers vs. balloons in El Paso. Democracy’s on bathroom break — tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 11, 2026

Thu, 12 Feb 2026 03:13:01 GMT

Tonight: Bondi vs. Epstein’s survivors, National Guard ghost withdrawals, Gallup pulls the plug on America’s vital signs, Trump’s Venezuela smash‑and‑grab hits an oil veto, and Jeanine Pirro’s sedition circus dies in the grand jury room. Outrage engineered for hate‑lovers. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 10, 2026

Wed, 11 Feb 2026 01:31:38 GMT

Tonight: Epstein Island Family Lunch, Billionaire Redactions, Vance's Sweatshop Speech, Trump vs. Hockey Bridges, EPA Kills Climate Science, Vetting John Busted for Hookers, DHS Shutdown Poker. Outrage engineered for hate-lovers. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 9, 2026

Tue, 10 Feb 2026 00:37:48 GMT

Tonight: Seattle wins with spreadsheet football, Ghislaine Maxwell mimes Omertà on Capitol Hill, Steve Bannon gets his sins dry-cleaned, RFK Jr. plays arsonist-in-chief of public health, Trump’s spies ghost Section 702, Minneapolis test-drives martial law lite, and a subway horse has the best commute in New York. Outrage with a laugh track. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 6, 2026

Sat, 07 Feb 2026 00:17:15 GMT

Tonight: Trump scrubs ape memes from his feed as staffers play scapegoat, Congress napkin-scribbles Epstein's elite rot, measles feasts on anti-vax buffets from SC to Utah, NYC rediscovers warrants, Navy brass flew Lolita Airways, Trump grifts the IRS he owns, Dow dances while the dollar dies. Outrage opera, unplugged. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 5, 2026

Fri, 06 Feb 2026 03:04:05 GMT

Tonight: Trump cheers the dollar's dive as economic genius, orange phantoms haunt Epstein's stairs, jobs freeze in shutdown snow, Tulsi Gabbard crashes FBI raids, Big Tech outsources privacy to DHS subpoenas, Trump auctions tunnels for ego plaques, and Hillary dares Comer to Epstein C-SPAN. America's infrastructure of outrage—rhythmic edition. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 4, 2026

Thu, 05 Feb 2026 03:15:35 GMT

Tonight: California redraws democracy with a buzzsaw, Trump nationalizes elections and rationalizes executions, Bezos fires half the newsroom to “save” it, ICE lawyers melt down in real time, Minneapolis bleeds under federal “soft touch,” and the White House builds a ballroom “for national security.” It’s America’s weekly nervous breakdown—brought to rhythm. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 3, 2026

Wed, 04 Feb 2026 00:31:12 GMT

Epstein stalls, QAnon implodes, CBP crooks, ICE massacres, Iran buzz-saws, Trump arches—America's meat-grinder circus spins wild. Theo skewers the shitshow. Tape rolls. 🎪🔥💥

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 29, 2026

Fri, 30 Jan 2026 02:49:29 GMT

Cabinet snubs, Super Bowl retreats, Swiss bribes, bombastic Iran plots, IRS revenge suits, greenback gutting, Ukraine gaffes, Epstein stalls—Mar-a-Lago’s meat balloon orchestrates empire’s clown parade. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 28, 2026

Thu, 29 Jan 2026 01:07:46 GMT

Syringes, Schrodinger's Wars, and Gun-Nut Revolt

Tonight: Kazmierczak's syringe jihad on Omar, Rubio's maybe-invasion of Venezuela's oil, Google's $68M snitch-bot payoff, Trump's $12M Jan. 6 money trail, Iran armada threats post-Midnight Hammer, ICE invades consulates, and Trump flips Second Amendment script on Pretti—NRA bites back while hypocrisy explodes. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 26, 2026

Tue, 27 Jan 2026 01:35:37 GMT

Blood, Ice, and Backstabs

Tonight: Trump discovers gun control by ventilating the permit holder, and the NRA finally blinks. ICE shock troops develop consciences while Minnesota sues for a look at its own bloodstains. The South freezes in deregulated darkness, Ted Cruz records a GOP murder‑suicide pact, and Gregory Bovino learns he’s just another name on the sacrifice list. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 22, 2026

Fri, 23 Jan 2026 03:51:14 GMT

Tonight: Smith’s ghost haunts Trump’s Congress encore, Gaetz’s rape shrug from Florida suits, Uvalde jury crowns cop inaction. Castle Rock kills duty-to-protect myth; Clintons-Epstein subpoena bonfire roasts D.C. elite. Patel clout-chases Kirk’s blood, ICE axes warrants for door-kicks. Law’s carcass picked clean. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 21, 2026

Thu, 22 Jan 2026 00:52:42 GMT

Tonight: ICE terrorizes brown badges, Maine moose hunts migrants, Epstein PDFs rot in redaction hell. Clintons contempt-circus with bipartisan blood; Trump trades tariffs for frozen NATO turf. FBI guts WaPo reporter's life, DOGE peddles grandma's data to coup clowns. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 20, 2026

Wed, 21 Jan 2026 02:32:16 GMT

Tonight: A wheezing Mar‑a‑Lago Meat Balloon marks his first anniversary with a racist scrapbook and no gas in the hate tank. DOJ turns the First Amendment into a tripwire for Tim Walz, Jacob Frey, and the widow of Renee Good. Detroit gets “defeated” inflation and weaponized spreadsheets. Measles speedruns South Carolina. Civil rights prosecutors walk. The UN declares global water bankruptcy. Scott Bessent thinks your parents own twelve houses. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 19, 2026

Tue, 20 Jan 2026 01:57:29 GMT

Tonight: Greenland threatened over a bruised Nobel ego. ICE gassed protesters, blamed cameras, and DOJ chased hymns. Trump built a peace board and invited Putin. Suicide data vanished. Epstein files stayed sealed. The Fed lawyered up. MLK got a holiday while civil rights got repo notices. Accountability lagged. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 16, 2026

Fri, 16 Jan 2026 23:02:40 GMT

Tonight: Native Americans detained as aliens, treaties ignored, Homeland Security confused by names. Epstein files “glitched” into oblivion while survivors stayed visible. ICE killed, Trump threatened the Insurrection Act, Minneapolis swarmed. Healthcare arrived as bullet points. Greenland got tariff-blackmailed. NATO blinked. Fraudsters drove Porsches. Accountability buffered. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 14, 2026

Thu, 15 Jan 2026 02:09:44 GMT

Tonight: 4,500 ICE names queued, DDOS storms maybe Russian, Homeland Security panicked. Senators folded for Trump in Venezuela, Greenland jets deployed, NATO trained while the Arctic froze. NASA nuked the moon, Americans split pills. Comer lost it on Clinton, Epstein files stayed buried. FBI raided a Post reporter. Robin Kelly impeached Noem. Accountability? Theater. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 13, 2026

Wed, 14 Jan 2026 01:28:04 GMT

Tonight: Trump lies about the economy while groceries testify otherwise. Iran blinds protesters and cuts the internet. AI threatens blackouts so servers can keep drooling. ICE kills Renee Good and calls it enforcement. Prosecutors quit rather than prosecute widows. A synagogue burns from hate. Claudette Colvin remembered too late. America keeps the lights flickering. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 12, 2026

Tue, 13 Jan 2026 02:36:59 GMT

Tonight: Trump occupies Minnesota, ICE kills Renee Good, and DHS blames the body. Mark Kelly sues after the Pentagon threatens to court-martial a senator for speech. DOJ goes after Jerome Powell to bully rates. Pam Bondi disappoints Trump by not arresting his enemies on schedule. Iran burns while diplomacy “comes first.” Prosecutors get fired for obeying judges. Chinese hackers read Congress’s emails. America governs by tantrum. Tape rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 9, 2026

Sat, 10 Jan 2026 02:37:46 GMT

Tonight: ICE shoots Renee Good, calls it self-defense, and insults her on camera. Vice President Vance weaponizes tragedy while the press takes notes. Trump pitches Venezuela like a $100B timeshare, threatens Greenland, and declares himself NATO’s savior. DOJ buries Epstein files. Ramaswamy’s bodyguard runs a fentanyl warehouse. Trump accuses Petro of trafficking, Bogotá panics, Republicans mediate, cocaine wins again. America exists in a house with broken windows and people arguing if glass is real. News lies loudly. Tape keeps rolling.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 8, 2026

Fri, 09 Jan 2026 02:11:05 GMT

Tonight: Theo Jesterfield watches ICE kill a driver and draft the alibi, Trump get checked by his own party and melt down anyway, and the president declare himself the only law that matters. Healthcare math survives Congress. Epstein files stay buried. Gaza buries children. Federal agents shoot civilians in Portland and erase the receipt. If you feel rattled, congratulations—you’re still human. The news lies loudly. The tape keeps rolling.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 7, 2026

Thu, 08 Jan 2026 02:57:36 GMT

Tonight: Theo Jesterfield watches an ICE shooting turn into fan fiction, Venezuelan oil get laundered through U.S. banks, and Big Oil collect welfare with a military escort. Trump yells at defense contractors, agrees with RFK Jr. by accident, threatens Greenland like it’s a hostile takeover, and rewrites January 6 on an official government website. Markets flinch. Allies blink. Memory fights back. Strap in. Power lies loudly. The tape still rolls.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 6, 2026

Wed, 07 Jan 2026 02:12:57 GMT

Tonight: On the fifth anniversary of January 6th, Theo Jesterfield revisits a planned insurrection Donald Trump pointed at the Capitol on live TV. Trump eyes Greenland like a hostile acquisition, the DOJ releases less than one percent of the Epstein files and calls it transparency, the NRA sues its own charity, and Dan Bongino fights Matt Gaetz online like democracy’s unpaid intern. Congress defunds public broadcasting and calls it patriotism. Accountability hides. Memory refuses. Strap in. History doesn’t forget—no matter how hard they try.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 5, 2026

Tue, 06 Jan 2026 01:17:59 GMT

Tonight: Theo Jesterfield watched Donald Trump treat war like a stock tip, Congress like an inconvenience, and transparency like a rumor. Wall Street chased regime change profits, the Pentagon misplaced millions of munitions, Elon Musk automated exploitation, and the Epstein files disappeared into a mystery warehouse. Meanwhile, the flu bulldozed the country while Americans debated vaccines with vibes. Your markets juiced. Your oversight missing. Your republic wheezing. Strap in. January already poured a double.

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Nightly News Roundup for Dec. 17, 2025

Thu, 18 Dec 2025 01:57:01 GMT

Tonight: Theo Jesterfield placed odds on Donald Trump’s prime-time address and liked his chances of starting a new hemisphere-sized mess. Epstein files loomed, and Ghislaine Maxwell rediscovered faith in courts. Dan Bongino ditched the FBI for the mic. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez beat JD Vance in a poll and didn’t bother to whisper it. Mike Johnson lost control of his caucus over healthcare math. Robert F. Kennedy Jr. punished pediatricians for language while kids lost care. Your republic, wobbling. Your news, weaponized.

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Nightly News Roundup for Dec. 16, 2025

Wed, 17 Dec 2025 01:30:02 GMT

Tonight: Susie Wiles opens the morgue and names the monsters running the cockpit. RFK Jr. praises vaccines, then poisons the well as measles explodes. Bari Weiss promises dialogue; Nielsen hands CBS a toe tag. Trump books a mystery address just ahead of the Epstein files. Pete Hegseth hides strike footage while the body count grows. Trump sues the Pulitzer Board and discovers discovery. Kash Patel live-tweets investigations into vapor. A Parkland survivor endures another massacre. Your democracy, rattling. Your news, distilled into venom.

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Nightly News Roundup for Dec. 10, 2025

Thu, 11 Dec 2025 03:59:01 GMT

Tonight: The Coast Guard hijacks a tanker, Trump shrugs “We keep it,” and the Caribbean turns into a live-fire garage sale. Peskov beams as Trump’s “civilizational erasure” rant lands like Kremlin fan mail, NATO wobbles, and Kyiv gets benched. Epstein files erupt, Noem gets sidelined for stealing screen time, citizenship becomes a paywall, Powell white-knuckles a $27T economy, and FIFA mugs America with a World Cup contract. Your news, distilled into venom.

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Nightly News Roundup for Dec. 9, 2025

Wed, 10 Dec 2025 02:13:25 GMT

Tonight: Trump grades his economy “A-plus-plus-plus-plus” while half the country hunts sofa cushions for rent. Leavitt demands louder worship as workers bleed, the DOJ hands out “Deportation Judge” internships, and Congress weaponizes the NDAA to pry loose Pentagon’s “double tap” video. Preventable child deaths climb for the first time in 25 years, Boston immigrants are yanked mid-oath, and the Ellisons want Paramount, HBO, CNN, and DC Studios. Chaos, cruelty, and corporate singularity—your news, served bitter.

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Nightly News Roundup for Dec. 8, 2025

Tue, 09 Dec 2025 01:32:52 GMT

🎧 “Batshit Minority Broadcast (High-Voltage Panic Mix)”

A frenetic, jet-fueled playlist for a nation ricocheting between propaganda, price spikes, and constitutional cosplay. Tracks include:

“Cannibal Threats & LinkedIn Sales Funnels”
“Herd Resurrection Séance (USDA Remix)”
“Ghost Parent Protocol”
“Sedition Wi-Fi Dropout”
“Birthday Canyon National Monument (Extended Grift Cut)”
“Haunted DOJ Pop-Up Installer”

Perfect for doomscrolling at unsafe speeds while America insists everything is “under control.”

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Nightly News Roundup for Nov. 25, 2025

Wed, 26 Nov 2025 03:32:16 GMT

A grimy, high-tempo soundtrack for a country sprinting through legal fantasies and foreign-policy delusions. Tracks include “Missiles Mandatory,” “Almost Peace (Timeshare Edit),” “Death Cult Chorus,” “Wordle Immigration Law,” and the explosive closer “Salmon Brisket Pipeline Blues.” Perfect for doomscrolling your way through another day in the American Funhouse.

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Nightly News Roundup for Nov. 24, 2025

Tue, 25 Nov 2025 03:31:35 GMT

🎧 “Authoritarianism for Dummies (feat. The Ketamine Kid)”

A chaotic mix of malfunctioning institutions, collapsing agencies, and grifts wrapped in red, white, and blue. Tracks include “Prosecution by Vibes,” “Berserker with Wi-Fi,” “Farm-to-Table Incompetence,” and the chart-topping scam single “MAGA Phone (Remix – Stolen Samsung Edit).” Perfect for doomscrolling through another day in the Upside-Down Republic.

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Nightly News Roundup for Nov. 17, 2025

Mon, 17 Nov 2025 23:33:43 GMT

David Richardson missed Texas drowning, Comey’s case fell apart, and Charlotte got a paramilitary panic parade. Trump rasped through a reversal on Epstein files while Marjorie Taylor Greene survived death threats, doxx-pizza, and a new nickname: “Traitor Brown.” The EPA turns wetlands into a corporate toilet, and the Treasury blames migrant cows for high beef prices.

I’m Theo Jesterfield—reporting live from the fever dream formerly known as the United States.

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Nightly News Roundup for Nov. 13, 2025

Fri, 14 Nov 2025 01:41:34 GMT

Epstein’s inbox coughed up judgment day, Trump’s team is sweating in the Situation Room, and Lauren Boebert just turned national security into open mic night. The economy’s missing in action, Starbucks is on strike, and the government’s staggering back to life like a drunk zombie.

I’m Theo Jesterfield—reporting live from the fever dream formerly known as the United States.

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Nightly News Roundup for Nov. 12, 2025

Thu, 13 Nov 2025 01:06:43 GMT

Epstein’s ghost is leaking receipts, Trump’s press secretary is a malfunctioning hologram, and Speaker Johnson’s guarding the vault of the damned. The FBI’s on tour, ICE reenacted fascism in Chicago, and Trump’s printing welfare checks from the land of make-believe. Meanwhile, Democrats traded healthcare for promises.

I’m Theo Jesterfield—reporting live from the echo chamber of a dying empire.

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Nightly News Roundup for Nov. 11, 2025

Wed, 12 Nov 2025 01:40:14 GMT

Fifty-one days without a government; the fix is less healthcare. The Navy eyes Venezuela’s oil under the guise of “freedom.” Trump sells indulgences to donors and wages war on a mall that doesn’t exist. His AI revolts, the DOJ rots, and the FAA begs for gas money. Veterans still waiting on that back pay from 1783.

I’m Theo Jesterfield—reporting from a malfunctioning republic with a hangover and a mic.

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Nightly News Roundup for Nov. 10, 2025

Tue, 11 Nov 2025 01:36:20 GMT

Senate finally reopens the government; Rand Paul enraged, Schumer stabbed by his own. Air traffic controllers unpaid, yelled at for patriotism. Trump proposes 50-year mortgages so you die before owning a house. DOJ bleeding lawyers like the last chopper out. Maxwell courts a pardon from a prison resort. Kim Davis denied again. The Federalist calls Trump rudderless.

I’m Theo Jesterfield—reporting from a whiskey-soaked democracy on life support.

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Nightly News Roundup for Nov. 5, 2025

Thu, 06 Nov 2025 02:31:11 GMT

Election bloodbath: Democrats wipe the GOP off the map. Trump calls it “the golden age,” economists call it “creative fiction.” FAA grounds 10% of flights because the government’s too broke to fly. The Supreme Court rediscovers limits, Roberts remembers math, Kavanaugh remembers Nixon. Trump’s rookie prosecutor faceplants in federal court. The republic coughs, but keeps breathing.

I’m Theo Jesterfield—reporting from a whiskey-soaked democracy on life support.

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Nightly News Roundup for Nov. 4, 2025

Wed, 05 Nov 2025 02:59:36 GMT

New York chews its own teeth; rats poll higher than politicians. Virginia shatters glass ceilings. Sandwich Wars ended with mustard trauma. Cheney outlived his conscience. UPS planes crash, gravity unionizes, and the government holds SNAP hostage. Trump threatens Nigeria; Fox invents citizens. Trump Burger dead, Empire Pizza rises. Crypto pardons, morality auctioned.

I’m Theo Jesterfield—broadcasting from a basement bunker, and the headlines scream.

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Nightly News Roundup for Nov. 3, 2025

Tue, 04 Nov 2025 01:14:47 GMT

SNAP benefits cut in half—Trump calls hunger “budget innovation.” Inflation is “perfect” while beef costs more than rent. Kash Patel takes a $60 million FBI jet on a date. MAGA tears itself apart as Tucker, Shapiro, and Cruz feud over morality and ratings. Air traffic controllers go unpaid while planes stack up. Trump hides at Mar-a-Lago, fretting over midterms. Billionaires soar $700 billion richer while the rest of America scrapes crumbs.

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Nightly News Roundup for Oct. 23, 2025

Fri, 24 Oct 2025 02:23:15 GMT

Debt hits $38 trillion. Arctic Refuge becomes Chevron’s gift shop. East Wing demolished for gold-plated ego. Inflation gnaws paychecks; tariffs punch wallets. Pentagon press corps now pillow peddlers and conspiracy bloggers. VA tried to stall veterans’ benefits—nine judges slapped that nonsense down. NBA stars accused of mob poker.

Theo Jesterfield—broadcasting from a crater in Alaska. The headlines are screaming, and the Republic is burning.

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Nightly News Roundup for Oct. 22, 2025

Thu, 23 Oct 2025 00:26:41 GMT

Trump sues the DOJ for investigating him... while running it. The military’s blowing up fishermen for “freedom.” Congress lets kids starve while ICE hires ex-cons. Cyberdefense gets gutted as China hacks our power grid. Indiana forgets how to gerrymander, and health insurance costs as much as a new car.

I’m Theo Jesterfield—broadcasting from the smoking servers of Fort Meade. The lights are flickering, the headlines are hallucinating, and the Republic’s running on fumes.

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Nightly News Roundup for Oct. 21, 2025

Wed, 22 Oct 2025 01:39:33 GMT

U.S. fires Hellfires into the Caribbean, repatriates survivors like bad Amazon returns. Pardoned rioter threatens to kill Hakeem Jeffries. Air traffic controllers moonlight for DoorDash. Kristi Noem buys $172M Gulfstreams for “safety.” Trump cancels Ukraine missiles, flirts with Putin, and guided-missiles for deportations.

Theo Jesterfield here—reporting live from America’s last nerve. The headlines are drunk, the government’s armed, and I’m running on bourbon and bad decisions.

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Nightly News Roundup for Oct. 20, 2025

Tue, 21 Oct 2025 00:57:25 GMT

Trump skipped No Kings Day; five million marched while House Republicans called it a “hate rally.” AI Trump dropped feces on Americans. Ninth Circuit says federalize Oregon’s Guard. East Wing demo = 90,000 sq ft of ego and gold drapes. ICE tear-gassed peaceful protesters anyway. AWS hiccup = Fortnite, McNuggets, Medicare offline. Fox + First Family SPAC = exceptional corruption. Louvre heist: Napoleonic jewels, construction vests, ladders, Thomas Crown vibes.

Theo Jesterfield reporting from the fever dream of America—where spray tan is policy, shutdowns are patriotic, and the truth just filed for bankruptcy.

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Nightly News Roundup for Oct. 17, 2025

Sat, 18 Oct 2025 01:09:12 GMT

Trump told Ukraine and Russia: “both declare victory.” Congress took a nap while 80% of nuclear guards went home. John Bolton mailed secrets like a moody teenager. No Kings Day turned streets into a republic-themed obstacle course. George Santos got a hall pass. Young Republicans praised Hitler. Trump bombed boats in Venezuela.

Theo Jesterfield reporting from the fever dream of America—where shutdowns are patriotic, lies are luxury, and the truth just filed for bankruptcy.

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Nightly News Roundup for Oct. 16, 2025

Fri, 17 Oct 2025 00:04:55 GMT

Tonight on NNR:

The Senate plays Russian roulette with your rent money. Hackers turn America’s firewall into wet tissue. Gaza’s ceasefire leaks blood. Trump plans a bromance summit with Putin in Budapest. ICE pretends it can’t find its cameras. The White House goes full casino chic. And the Pentagon locks the press outside the gates.

Theo Jesterfield reporting live from the republic’s fever dream — where shutdowns are patriotic, lies are luxury, and the truth’s been replaced by a 3D model of Trump’s ego.

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Nightly News Roundup for Oct. 15, 2025

Wed, 15 Oct 2025 20:23:39 GMT

Tonight on NNR: The Supreme Court debates whether fixing racism is racist. Netanyahu tours his own fire damage. Trump calls Argentina’s bailout “credit.” ICE raids L.A. like it’s a war zone. Alaska drowns under silence. Congresswoman Luna gets her JFK files from Moscow. And the CIA holds a press conference about its secret mission.

Theo Jesterfield reporting from the madhouse of empire — where “covert,” “colorblind,” and “constitutional” all mean the same damn thing.

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Nightly News Roundup for Oct. 14, 2025

Tue, 14 Oct 2025 22:46:20 GMT

Tonight on NNR: Every major network unites to tell the Pentagon to shove it — and even Fox defends the First Amendment. Troop families go broke while the brass buys yachts. The shutdown rots. Tariffs burn. Alex Jones implodes. Trump’s “peace” becomes rubble. And the GOP finally builds the gun registry they swore Biden would.

Theo Jesterfield, transmitting from the radioactive echo chamber of empire.

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Nightly News Roundup for Oct. 13, 2025

Tue, 14 Oct 2025 02:33:00 GMT

Tonight on NNR: Egypt hosts a peace plan with no peace. Trump signs air, calls it diplomacy. Tariffs gut your wallet while Mike Johnson vacations on your dime. Portland protests turn into performance art. Texas and North Carolina gerrymander democracy into extinction. Measles returns for its reunion tour. Columbus gets canceled — again.

Theo Jesterfield, broadcasting from the contaminated center of empire.

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Nightly News Roundup for Oct. 10, 2025

Sat, 11 Oct 2025 00:55:21 GMT

Tonight on NNR: Trump’s Nobel dreams die, Big Macs fly, democracy medals dodge bullets. DOJ drags George Soros into court for no reason. Qatar parks F-15s in Idaho, Trump gets a luxury Boeing. RFK Jr. thinks circumcision + Tylenol = autism. Dominion becomes Liberty Vote; democracy is for sale. John Bolton indicted by Trump’s DOJ — personal vendetta buffet continues. The dollar bleeds 11%, tariffs squeeze, foreign investors hedge like rats.

Theo Jesterfield reporting from the center of the world’s worst group project.

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Nightly News Roundup for Oct. 9, 2025

Fri, 10 Oct 2025 00:41:43 GMT

Tonight on NNR: Trump tries to roll tanks into Chicago; DHS confused, National Guard clueless. Air traffic snarls, federal workers unpaid, Duffy blames “problem children.” Government shutdown Day Eight: Democrats smell blood, Republicans screech, Obamacare twitches. Emergency Medicaid cuts for undocumented immigrants = 0.4% of spending. Kristi Noem arrests ghosts; Trump takes freedom of speech away. Texas gerrymanders meet AutoCAD Jim Crow.

Theo Jesterfield reporting from the center of the world’s worst group project.

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Nightly News Roundup for Oct. 8, 2025

Thu, 09 Oct 2025 01:31:11 GMT

Tonight on NNR: Trump wants troops on U.S. streets; Border Patrol pumps bullets, bureaucracy calls it “oops.” Government shutdown drags on — Senate’s a daycare, soldiers unpaid, Mike Johnson clutches Twinkies. Dead man’s daughter blocked from her seat. Trump takes credit for “peace in Gaza.” Comey pleads not guilty; justice is now revenge-flavored. Marjorie Taylor Greene discovers checks and balances.

Theo Jesterfield reporting from the bourbon-soaked intersection of collapse and comedy.

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Nightly News Roundup for Oct. 7, 2025

Wed, 08 Oct 2025 00:58:39 GMT

Tonight on NNR: Government shutdown, week whatever — Trump dangles paychecks like bait. Farmers go bankrupt owning the Chinese, Pam Bondi auditions for Bravo in the Senate, and Treasury’s minting a Trump coin because apparently Caesar needed merch. Health insurance hikes nine percent; illness remains America’s best investment strategy. Trump flirts with Canada, and Stephen Miller explains “plenary authority,” meaning “dictatorship, but make it legal.”

Theo Jesterfield reporting from the bourbon-soaked intersection of collapse and comedy.

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Nightly News Roundup for Oct. 6, 2025

Tue, 07 Oct 2025 02:01:57 GMT

Tonight on NNR: Shutdown Week Two. Congress argues over nothing while Rand Paul maintains brand consistency. Federal workers run the skies broke, caffeinated, and praying. Foreclosures up 18%—mortgages as indentured servitude. Trump floats a Maxwell pardon; denies visiting Epstein’s island. National Guard to Chicago—judge says “maybe don’t,” Trump says “already did.” Paramount swallows The Free Press; Bari Weiss = new prophet of monetized journalism. CIA deputy Ellis fires the top lawyer and appoints… himself. Ethics optional.

Theo Jesterfield reporting from the bourbon-soaked Venn Diagram of oligarchs, banks, and national security theater.

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Nightly News Roundup for Oct. 3, 2025

Fri, 03 Oct 2025 23:49:57 GMT

Tonight on NNR: Shutdown Day Three. Congress fails four times, toddlers torch the Capitol and get paychecks. Diddy gets 50 months for a decade of abuse—justice for the rich, prison for the poor. Supreme Court hands Trump a deportation chainsaw—300,000 Venezuelans marked for exile. Trump claws at the 14th Amendment. RFK Jr. fires the nation’s top immunologist, science traded for corpse counts. In Gaza: hostages, smoke, and Trump’s “LAST CHANCE PEACE.” Speaker Johnson stalls Adelita Grijalva’s swearing-in to keep Epstein’s billionaire fuck-monster files locked away.

Theo Jesterfield reporting from the bourbon-soaked at the Venn Diagram of oligarchs, corporations, and pedophiles.

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Nightly News Roundup for Oct. 2, 2025

Fri, 03 Oct 2025 01:37:56 GMT

Tonight on NNR: Shutdown Day Two. Senators fast while Americans starve. Trump slashes the budget like a jealous ex. Navy declares war on coke boats; Venezuela becomes a battlefield. Congress gets postcards: “We’re at war now, love Don.” Justice Department purged over tweets. Prosecutors executed. Trump’s lapdog lawyer runs the show. South Shore Chicago: helicopters, chainsaws, children zip-tied, some naked, shoved into U-Hauls. ICE laughs. Farmers starve while USDA runs “essential” programs. Trump blames Democrats, debt grows faster than reason. Book bans rage across Florida, Texas, Tennessee. Algebra: fine. Race, LGBTQ+, sexual identity: banned. Federal government as literary executioner.

Bourbon-soaked headlines from the edge of empire. Theo Jesterfield, live from the bonfire.

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Nightly News Roundup for Oct. 1, 2025

Thu, 02 Oct 2025 01:08:56 GMT

Tonight on NNR: The lights flicker, fuses hiss, and the government shuts down. HUD blames the “Radical Left.” Trump torches $8B in climate projects. Hudson Tunnel review stops. Workers starve, tunnels rot, trains cough blood. Trump swings an axe at the Fed. Lisa Cook refuses to goose rates. Markets teeter. Independence dies. Domestic violence shelters lose funding because they mention diversity. Jane Goodall shows empathy, intelligence, and community while Congress flails. Bourbon-soaked headlines from the edge of empire. Theo Jesterfield, live from the bonfire.

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Nightly News Roundup for Sept. 30, 2025

Wed, 01 Oct 2025 00:26:58 GMT

Tonight on NNR: Trump wants generals to war-game Detroit while Hegseth purges haircuts and women alike. Mike Johnson calls healthcare a December hobby. Pfizer kneels to Trump in a pharma shakedown. Kari Lake tries to Goebbels Voice of America. Hurricanes Imelda and Humberto turn the East Coast into a wet weekend retreat. Kristi Noem and Rubio forget the First Amendment exists. And Trump, Netanyahu, and Tony Blair unveil their Gaza plan: rubble with branding.

💥 Bourbon-soaked headlines from the edge of empire. Theo Jesterfield, broadcasting live from the bonfire.

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Nightly News Roundup for Sept. 29, 2025

Tue, 30 Sep 2025 00:25:50 GMT

Tonight on NNR: Congress turns grandma’s pension into a hostage note. Supreme Court eyes Ghislaine Maxwell’s freedom papers. A church massacre gets the “not terrorism” stamp. QAnon Shaman sues the planet. Coal barons torch the future with a government check.

💥 Bourbon-soaked headlines from the edge of empire. Theo Jesterfield reporting live from the apocalypse—no refunds, no anesthesia.

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Nightly News Roundup for Sept. 26, 2025

Sat, 27 Sep 2025 00:35:13 GMT

Tonight: The apocalypse canceled for polling reasons. Constitution-defending prosecutors get shredded. Gaza burns while diplomats vanish. Congress prints checks, Supreme Court sets them ablaze. Heart meds double, sofas triple, factories die. Billionaires deny islands of doom.

💥 All the chaos, gallows humor, and political absurdity you can stomach. Theo Jesterfield reporting live from the end of the world—bourbon optional, despair required.

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Nightly News Roundup for Sept. 25, 2025

Fri, 26 Sep 2025 01:11:06 GMT

OMB threatens your job, FBI livestreams murder like interactive theater, Comey hangs on Trump’s wall, Alligator Alcatraz vanishes hundreds, Pentagon plays laser-tag with generals, voter rolls prepped for purges, and Trump whispers “no annexation” while Gaza burns.

🔊 Reality bites, laughs, and curses at the moon. Tune in.

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Nightly News Roundup for Sept. 24, 2025

Wed, 24 Sep 2025 23:19:38 GMT

ICE cries about “rhetoric,” Trump nukes watchdog laws with a wink, and the DOJ duct-tapes justice to a golf cart for a midnight joyride. Zelenskyy gets war crimes; Trump gets Risk strategies. Epstein files close in, lobbyists sweat bullets, and Congress plays whack-a-mole with reality.

🔊 News that punches, drinks, and curses at the moon.

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Nightly News Roundup for Sept. 23, 2025

Tue, 23 Sep 2025 22:28:23 GMT

Tonight: Trump the “solution” while the world burns, RaptureTok preps for sky evacuation, Florida breeds assassination supervillains, and the Supreme Court gifts presidents a “fire anyone” button. Government shutdown? Coming soon. Heat? Sold separately.

💥 All the chaos, absurdity, and apocalyptic political theater you need—100% sarcasm, 0% credibility. Plug in, buckle up, and enjoy the carnage. Theo Jesterfield reporting from the barbecue pit at the end of the world.

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Nightly News Roundup for Sept. 22, 2025

Tue, 23 Sep 2025 01:35:48 GMT

Tonight: Tylenol and autism conspiracies, Grindr-mourning GOP mobs, and a border czar pocketing $50K faster than hair dye runs in a Texas windstorm.

We’ll discuss hunger reports getting deleted, prosecutors fired like cheap strippers, Jimmy Kimmel’s FCC-induced exile and triumphant return, and Congress sprinting away while the nation teeters toward a shutdown.

💥 All the chaos, absurdity, and apocalyptic political theater you need—100% sarcasm, 0% credibility. Plug in, buckle up, and enjoy the carnage.

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Nightly News Roundup for Sept. 17, 2025

Thu, 18 Sep 2025 00:26:13 GMT

The Fed hacks the economy with garden shears, Epstein’s ghost DJs over Windsor Castle, and Kash Patel plays human Twister while Congress screams for files that never seem to surface. Charlie Kirk gets a bullet; Stephen Miller promises holy vengeance; and the DOJ deletes decades of right-wing terror data like it’s a browser history. Facts, gaslighted. Blood-soaked receipts. Welcome to America, 2025.

🔊 Tune in for your dose of reality, absurdity, and the kind of reporting that makes you ask: how is this still happening?

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Nightly News Roundup for Sept. 16, 2025

Wed, 17 Sep 2025 00:45:52 GMT

Tonight: Luigi bills UnitedHealthcare in bullets, the U.N. confirms genocide like it’s a weather report, Kash Patel live-blogs FBI work like an unpaid intern, Trump sues the Times for fifteen billion imaginary dollars, and a Pentagon retiree hands Moscow jet secrets before the FBI catfishes him with a fake KGB account, and so long Bob Redford. Theo Jesterfield reporting from the flaming carnival.

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Nightly News Roundup for Sept. 15, 2025

Mon, 15 Sep 2025 23:40:02 GMT

Tonight: America blows everything up, farmers drown in IOUs, Kirk becomes podcast theater, TikTok survives Trump/Xi chaos, Rubio cheers Israel, Fed chaos reigns, and Crawford climbs two weight classes to show God hates gamblers. Apocalypse, tariffs, and slow-motion punches – Theo Jesterfield with a message from the wreckage.

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Nightly News Roundup for Sept. 12, 2025

Sat, 13 Sep 2025 00:07:40 GMT

Tonight: Utah cops play whack-a-lunatic, Trump narrates chaos on morning TV. Peter Mandelson vacations with Epstein, then gets fired after the tabloids freak. Tariffs hike coffee prices 21%. EPA protects polluters instead of the planet. National Guard rolls into Memphis, DC gets broomed. FDA kills transparency. 9/11 health funding bleeds out. America’s nightmare continues - Theo Jesterfield reports.

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Nightly News Roundup for Sept. 11, 2025

Thu, 11 Sep 2025 23:00:45 GMT

Tonight: Inflation climbs, jobs crumble, and the Fed preps its economic murder-suicide. Russian drones play bumper cars over NATO turf. Epstein secrets stay sealed while the Senate pretends democracy’s fine. Racist cowards terrorize Black colleges. Another school shooting, another round of empty prayers. 9/11 memorials roll on while the same bastards who weaponized it ask us to “never forget.” America’s bleeding out, folks.

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Nightly News Roundup for Sept. 10, 2025

Wed, 10 Sep 2025 23:53:35 GMT

Tonight: Charlie Kirk finds out bullets don’t care about your politics. Another school shooting, another round of thoughts and prayers on autopilot. Russian drones play nuclear hide-and-seek over Poland. Trump turns the FBI into his personal fear factory. Schumer dares Republicans to pick troops over Epstein secrets. New Mexico funds free child care with oil money while other states hoard tax cuts like raccoons in a dumpster. Kids can’t read, politicians can’t govern, and federal agents arrest firefighters mid-blaze. It’s America in 4D - dumb, deadly, dystopian, and definitely on fire.

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Nightly News Roundup for Sept. 9, 2025

Wed, 10 Sep 2025 00:30:53 GMT

Tonight: Israel lights the peace process on fire like a drunk pyromaniac at a marriage counseling session. Iran lets the U.N. in to count corpses in the fallout. Very cooperative, very transparent. Gregory “Pancho Villa in a Golf Cart” Bovino goose-steps into Chicago with a soundtrack Willie Nelson never approved. ICE tears up the paperwork, decides civil rights are for losers. Trump’s tariffs choke the economy while automation sharpens its knives. Oh, and the president allegedly sent Epstein a porno birthday card before calling it a “dead issue.” Democracy dies, but the punchlines keep coming.

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Nightly News Roundup for Sept. 8, 2025

Mon, 08 Sep 2025 23:54:46 GMT

SCOTUS kidnaps you for Spanish coffee, Trump owes $83M, GOP spins Epstein faster than a carnival ride, CMS uses robot bounty hunters, assassin wants trial by mini-golf, NFL heartbreak continues, and Trump gets booed at the U.S. Open. Theo Jesterfield here, pouring chaos, money, and American absurdity straight into your ears.

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Nightly News Roundup for Sept. 4, 2025

Fri, 05 Sep 2025 00:48:22 GMT

The CDCaeser Bobby Kennedy Jr. gets his ass kicked , the Epstein cover-up continues, Adams trading NYC Mayor’s office for swamp condos, the economy is flatlining, Texas turns doorbells into war crimes, Big Pharma is dosing LSD, and NFL kicks off while democracy circles the drain. Theo Jesterfield here, pouring you another shot of America’s finest chaos - money, power, and total lunacy.

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Nightly News Roundup for Sept. 3, 2025

Thu, 04 Sep 2025 01:59:15 GMT

Epstein victims demand names, Trump hoax patrols, FBI hides files. RFK Jr. crowned, HHS revolts. Newsmax sues Fox, drunk raccoons. Pentagon lawyers crash-course immigration law. Harvard body-slams Trump. 1798 law fails modern migrants. DeSantis makes vaccines optional, herd immunity optional. Clippers dodge salary cap. Fantasy football consumes offices, homes, marriages. Theo Jesterfield here, spitting battery acid.

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Nightly News Roundup for Sept. 2, 2025

Wed, 03 Sep 2025 00:28:30 GMT

Trump tries to Uber Marines into L.A., gets smacked by Posse Comitatus. National Guard tour hits Chicago and Baltimore. DOE hires fossil fuel stooges to claim CO₂ is kale. CDC bleeds leaders, Monarez out, RFK Jr. “restructures.” Government heads for Sept. 30 shutdown, Epstein files rot. Rudy wins Medal of Freedom. Proud Boys sue each other. Space Command lands in Alabama. Theo Jesterfield here, from the Bureau of Bad Ideas.

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Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 27, 2025

Thu, 28 Aug 2025 01:47:58 GMT

Minnesota mourns kids shot in the pews while politicians wave flags. DOJ fails to make a felony out of a footlong. Immigration becomes Deportation 2: The Uganda Cut. Trump’s cronies whisper coups in Greenland. NORAD scrambles jets to babysit Russian cloud-watchers. RFK Jr. limits Covid shots to senior citizens. And the CDC fires its new director after 30 days. Theo Jesterfield here, reporting from the Bureau of Bad Ideas.

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Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 26, 2025

Wed, 27 Aug 2025 01:44:10 GMT

The government dumps your Social Security numbers online. Trump’s DOJ tries suing judges for judging. Israel bombs a hospital, calls it a camera strike. Florida’s swamp prison keeps running despite court orders. Texas gerrymanders Black voters out of the map. Trump waterboards the Federal Reserve. And Kash Patel turns the FBI into QAnon Theater. Theo Jesterfield here, filing dispatches from the three-ring circus of government: money, power, and bullshit.

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Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 25, 2025

Mon, 25 Aug 2025 23:27:16 GMT

Israel calls a hospital strike a “mishap.” Trump sends the National Guard to play mall cops in D.C. First U.S. screwworm case proves maggots are more straightforward than our politicians. Trump flirts with Kim while South Korea watches in hostage silence. Epstein’s ghost gets subpoenaed. Cashless bail dies, flag-burning goes federal. Trump says “dictator” out loud. Wind farms scrapped to save his golf view. Theo Jesterfield, signing off from America’s scrapyard.

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Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 22, 2025

Fri, 22 Aug 2025 22:56:24 GMT

Bolton raided like spoiled leftovers. Trump day-trading America’s future with a $100M bond hustle. PragerU bribes its way into kids’ classrooms, Big Bird gets whacked. Smithsonian purged for “woke” facts. Fort Bliss resurrects internment camp chic. Del Monte, LifeScan, and Genesis file for hospice. America’s economy is a funeral procession, but Wall Street’s still dancing. Theo Jesterfield reporting from under the national coffin lid.

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Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 21, 2025

Thu, 21 Aug 2025 23:24:40 GMT

Trump’s fraud gets a markdown: skyscrapers are cheaper than cough syrup. NIH loses 1,700 grants because DEI means “Don’t Employ Ideas.” Jersey’s top cop? Just a mall lawyer in heels. ICE threatens Boston, Wu says “fuck off.” FBI becomes UberCop Academy. Russia bombs coffee machines and kids. Cracker Barrel ghosts its racist mascot, Wall Street cries. Until next time, I’ll be huffing glue fumes for insight. Theo Jesterfield reporting from inside America’s clown car.

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Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 20, 2025

Thu, 21 Aug 2025 00:58:24 GMT

Epstein’s DOJ crumbs, 100,000 pages still sealed. Tulsi Gabbard turns intelligence into Microsoft Word for espionage. Israel rolls out “Gideon’s Chariots II” — Gaza as straight-to-DVD war. Texas gerrymanders democracy into a hostage trunk. Hurricane Erin toys with Cat 5 power. U.S. destroyers play narco-Shakespeare off Venezuela. Texas judge says no to Moses in homeroom. Until next time, I’ll be convincing myself to stop sniffing glue. Theo Jesterfield reporting.

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Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 19, 2025

Wed, 20 Aug 2025 00:25:07 GMT

Ukraine peace talks look like a peyote séance in a burning casino — Trump babbles, Putin grins, Zelensky spends billions, Europe mutters peacekeepers, America offers air cover but no boots. Trump wants a halo at Costco. Colleges pay tribute to the Orange Godfather. Epstein files redacted. Security clearances yanked. Deportation policy becomes a global hot potato. Until next time, I’ll be doubling down on 11 and Xanax. Theo Jesterfield reporting.

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Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 18, 2025

Tue, 19 Aug 2025 00:16:22 GMT

Zelensky shows up at the White House in a suit, Europe in tow, Trump grinning like a kid eyeing a Happy Meal Nobel. Hours earlier, 14 civilians dead in Ukraine—rockets meet roses, rubble meets reality. Wages still drowning, CEOs toast from yachts. Newsmax pays $67M for lies, Epstein’s death still under Barr’s CSI spotlight, and Hurricane Erin redecorates Puerto Rico. Republicans flee, files in tow, shame waiting.

That’s all the news that’s fit to confuse. Another day in the American madhouse, keep your seatbelt fastened. Theo Jesterfield reporting.

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Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 14, 2025

Fri, 15 Aug 2025 02:16:09 GMT

The Vice President Vladimir Futon tried to book a table at a cozy Michelin-rated English pub — staff basically said, “Sure, if you want us to not show up for work.” Locals put up “Fascists Not Welcome” signs, making it clear he’s about as popular there as French soccer. Kamala? No problem. Vance? Road closures and rage.

That’s all the news that’s fit to confuse. Another day in the American madhouse, keep your seatbelt fastened. For Nightly News Roundup, I’m Theo Jesterfield.

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Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 13, 2025

Thu, 14 Aug 2025 01:20:42 GMT

Trump’s got Scrooge McDuck money privileges, Putin got a ceasefire threat that might just be a meme, and the Treasury Secretary’s still clinging to his stocks like a bad Tinder match. Congress is cosplaying as the Epstein Truth Squad, the VA is bleeding staff, Kristi Noem is beefing with South Park, Ivanka’s booking UFC on the White House lawn, and Detroit seniors are solving love triangles with live ammo.

Theo Jesterfield here, wading through cash vaults, cage fights, and bingo shootouts - all in a day’s work for America’s slow, stupid descent.

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Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 12, 2025

Wed, 13 Aug 2025 00:57:22 GMT

Tonight: Russia’s hacking America’s sealed court files while Trump preps for a Putin cuddle; Trump’s new BLS pick wants to kill the monthly jobs report; Florida’s schools turned into DeSantis’ propaganda playground; and Trump’s State Department wipes two-thirds of human rights abuses from its reports. Plus, ICE agents in masks are making it easier for rapists to impersonate them. I’m Theo Jesterfield, reporting from the bunker with enough vodka to kill half of Moscow.

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Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 11, 2025

Tue, 12 Aug 2025 02:41:56 GMT

Trump’s turning D.C. into The Purge despite a 30-year crime low, dumping troops, and handing Pam Bondi the keys to chaos. Meanwhile, FBI brags murder rates are historic lows. Florida’s “pet food” milk sickens kids. An anti-vax shooter hits the CDC. EPA guts climate rules. SCOTUS flirts with undoing gay marriage. Epstein files? Big nothing burger. Theo Jesterfield reporting from the 10th Circle of hell.

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Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 6, 2025

Thu, 07 Aug 2025 01:33:43 GMT

Trump ghosted labor unions at the VA while RFK Jr. lit pandemic funding on fire because his third eye said “no thanks.” Utah legalized “oops-my-nephew’s-a-predator” justice, and Trump thinks world peace means locking Zelensky and Putin in a room like it’s the WWE. An Army base imploded, Trump threw a trade tantrum at India, and Florida’s building immigrant jails in the middle of the Everglades like Mother Nature ain’t got lawyers.

Theo Jesterfield reporting from the swamp—literal and political.

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Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 5, 2025

Wed, 06 Aug 2025 00:59:54 GMT

Congress is jerking off to the Epstein files, New York just got defunded on terror protection, and California’s drawing maps with the subtlety of a prison riot. The FDA says “good luck not dying” while outsourcing food safety to states running on bake sale budgets. Trump’s resurrecting racist statues and calling it beautification, wildfires are roasting the continent like a cheap brisket, and a Nebraska town hall just turned into a mosh pit over Medicaid cuts.

Theo Jesterfield here, coughing through the smoke, dodging subpoenas, and watching democracy collapse under PowerPoint slides and Confederate cosplay.

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Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 4, 2025

Tue, 05 Aug 2025 01:24:56 GMT

Russia’s waving nukes around again, Trump wants $15K per tourist, and Sean Duffy is strapping a nuclear reactor to the moon. Texas Republicans are hunting Democrats across state lines like cartoon bounty hunters. Pam Bondi's resurrecting the Mueller probe with all the precision of a chainsaw in a dollhouse. Trump’s tax cuts just lit the deficit on fire, a dildo flew across a WNBA court, and Bristol Motor Speedway served 91,000 baseball fans no food and even less beer.

Theo Jesterfield reporting from the scene—where the missiles are back, the food is gone, and democracy is duct-taped to a folding chair.

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Nightly News Roundup for Aug. 1, 2025

Sat, 02 Aug 2025 00:58:03 GMT

The Smithsonian scrubbed Trump from its impeachment exhibit. The Trump Administration opens up your private medical records like an all-you-can-eat buffet. Trump also fired the head of the Bureau of Labor Statistics because reality bruised his ego. He also deployed two nuclear submarines over a Russian tweet, public broadcasting is gutted, NPR gets silenced, and Big Bird gets executed by budget cuts. Ghislaine Maxwell, child sex trafficker and Epstein’s fixer, gets upgraded to prison summer camp after a cozy chat with Trump’s DOJ pals. Meanwhile, mutant radioactive wasps invade a South Carolina nuke site, and a man in Buffalo turns an airport cart into performance art with shattered glass and very slow carnage. Theo Jesterfield reporting from the bunker—where facts are armed and sarcasm is weaponized.

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Nightly News Roundup for July 31, 2025

Fri, 01 Aug 2025 00:51:16 GMT

Trade war threats, taxpayer-funded ballrooms, and CEOs dropping like flies — just another week in America’s flaming clown car. Trump’s wrecking ethics with a golf club, Musk’s lighting democracy on fire with Super PAC cash, and Brett Kavanaugh’s turning the Supreme Court into a secret menu for fascism. Meanwhile, Kyiv burns, ICE offers loan forgiveness to deport families, and the media memory-holes a CEO assassination so no one gets any ideas. Subscribe, rage responsibly, and pour a drink. Theo Jesterfield hosts from the smoldering wreckage.

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Nightly News Roundup for July 30, 2025

Thu, 31 Jul 2025 01:32:22 GMT

Russia shakes, the Fed freezes, and Texas slices up democracy like brisket. Gaza’s starving and Trump’s sending a condo guy. Plus: a human Molotov cocktail in Virginia, a baby savings account scam, and Ozzy gets a hearse parade while Hulk Hogan gets ghosted. Strap in. Reality’s on fire.

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Nightly News Roundup for July 29, 2025

Wed, 30 Jul 2025 00:28:42 GMT

The EPA’s being gutted at a truck dealership, Marjorie Taylor Greene said something true, Trump is Yelp-reviewing sex trafficking victims, and a gunman turned the NFL’s HQ into a warzone. Plus: biblical porn, cocaine math, and why CBS now answers to Newsmax. Welcome to America’s moral collapse, broadcast live, with theme music.

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Nightly News Roundup for July 28, 2025

Tue, 29 Jul 2025 02:24:59 GMT

A federal judge torpedoes Trump’s attempt to defund Planned Parenthood, Trump threatens Putin with peace and tariffs in the same breath, the Pentagon slips into full-on group chat meltdown as Pete Hegseth’s D-list paranoia infects national security. Ghislaine Maxwell begs the Supreme Court for mercy with nothing but vibes, audacity, and Epstein’s greasy afterimage. RFK Jr. calls cancer screenings “woke,” meanwhile, Trump sues Rupert Murdoch over a birthday doodle, Caitlin Clark’s stalker gets 18 months in a padded timeout, and WWE leg-drops dignity with a final, complicated goodbye to Hulk Hogan.

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Nightly News Roundup for July 25, 2025

Sat, 26 Jul 2025 02:53:19 GMT

Trump ghosts his way through Scotland, the DoJ keeps dancing around Ghislaine, and South Park drops $1.5B worth of hellfire, all while America’s IQ test gets harder and its moral test gets easier to fail. From golf-course photo ops to visa vendettas, this week’s Nightly News Roundup is a flaming clown car driven by a raccoon with a checkbook. Hosted by Theo Jesterfield from deep beneath the rubble of American credibility.

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Nightly News Roundup for July 24, 2025

Fri, 25 Jul 2025 02:28:05 GMT

The orange circus crashes the Fed, the Epstein files detonate, and Chuck Mangione exits stage left with his flugelhorn blazing. Trump hijacks headlines with a surprise stunt at the Federal Reserve while the DOJ fumbles accountability like a greased football on fire. Meanwhile, Jacob "QAnon Shaman" Chansley turns on Trump in a glorious poetry slam of betrayal, Gaza peace talks collapse in typical U.S. fashion, and Ghislaine Maxwell somehow survives another day under federal questioning. It's chaos, it's comedy, it's your Nightly News Roundup - where truth meets tequila and the apocalypse comes with a laugh track.

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Nightly News Roundup for July 23, 2025

Thu, 24 Jul 2025 01:38:33 GMT

Trump’s name pops up in the Epstein files, the DOJ won’t release the goods, and Congress wants it all anyway. The White House yells “fake news” but can’t find the off switch. Meanwhile, Trump invents a trade deal with Japan, the EU threatens to nuke our bourbon, and the new AI plan looks like Skynet with a flag. Tesla crashes, lobbyists sweat, and somewhere in Washington, someone definitely shit themselves.

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Nightly News Roundup for July 22, 2025

Wed, 23 Jul 2025 01:05:55 GMT

Trump’s yelling treason, the EPA’s axing science, and Mike Johnson ran from the Epstein files like they were on fire. NOAA’s losing weather balloons, the Wall Street Journal got booted from the White House, and Obama’s officially had enough of this nonsense. It’s Tuesday tantrum time with Theo Jesterfield on Nightly News Roundup, the podcast for people who love to hate the news and hate to love it. Listen now before NOAA loses the forecast for your soul.

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Nightly News Roundup for July 21, 2025

Tue, 22 Jul 2025 00:52:24 GMT

Trump posts a fake Obama arrest video, attacks Adam Schiff (again), drags Samantha Power into his nonsense, and demands we bring back the Redskins name — all while dodging Epstein questions. Speaker Johnson folds like a lawn chair. DeSantis blames “media bias” for flopping in Iowa. RFK Jr. links vaccines to climate change because tinfoil isn’t just for hats anymore. Elon Musk casually admits fraud. Clarence Thomas forgets to report another billionaire-funded vacation.

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Nightly News Roundup for July 18, 2025

Sat, 19 Jul 2025 01:16:45 GMT

FBI agents flagged Epstein-Trump files like biohazard warnings, DOJ cracks open grand jury records on Trump’s orders, and Paramount sacrifices Colbert to keep FCC regulators off their backs. Plus: Congress axes PBS, Trump signs crypto into law, pollution is back on the menu, protesters hit the streets, and Trump launches a nuclear-grade hissy fit at the Murdoch family after The Wall Street Journal hurts his feelings.

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Nightly News Roundup for July 17, 2025

Thu, 17 Jul 2025 23:47:33 GMT

Trump dodges Epstein accountability, DOJ raids voter files, mass “Good Trouble” marches hit the nation, and a clean-energy power grab forces windmills into royal approval. All this with Theo Jesterfield’s signature offensive cynicism.

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Nightly News Roundup for July 16, 2025

Thu, 17 Jul 2025 01:53:28 GMT

Texas floods kill over 130—but GOP priorities? Redrawing maps, banning bathrooms, and gutting climate science. Trump toys with firing the Fed chair while markets spiral. Inflation climbs. NOAA’s climate forecasts? Axed. America’s drowning in more than water.

The NNR: The contempt you need, delivered nightly.

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Nightly News Roundup for July 15, 2025

Wed, 16 Jul 2025 00:55:19 GMT

Obama scolds Democrats, Congress buries Epstein’s secrets, NYC subway becomes Atlantis, Cal Raleigh hits bombs, Republicans declare war on woke (again), the DoD is going to use Musk's Hitler-infatuated AI, and Wall Street fears climate change might hurt the real victims: profits.

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Nightly News Roundup for July 14, 2025

Tue, 15 Jul 2025 01:30:15 GMT

Trump hijacks a soccer trophy and calls it a win for America, Texas braces for more floods while infrastructure remains theoretical, and tariffs slam into Mexico and the EU because revenge is the only currency left. Russia blames us for Ukraine’s latest attack, China finally admits it’s backing Putin, and protesters flood Trump Tower to remind everyone that ICE raids and anti-LGBTQ+ policies didn’t go out of style, just underground.

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Nightly News Roundup for July 11, 2025

Fri, 11 Jul 2025 22:17:50 GMT

Trump blames dead Texans on inquisitive reporters, Canada gets slapped with economic maple spankings, and the State Department gets the guillotine. Also: America keeps shipping guns like it’s Amazon Prime Day for proxy wars. And Gallup says we finally like immigrants now. Weird. It’s NNR — your Friday fix of feral satire, constitutional hangovers, and the faint smell of burning democracy.

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Nightly News Roundup for July 10, 2025

Fri, 11 Jul 2025 00:27:23 GMT

Trump’s birthright order gets blocked, veterans are shooting at weather radar, and Netanyahu wants to give Trump a Nobel Peace Prize. Meanwhile, $80M in refunds vanish into bank vaults, the FBI's strapping agents to loyalty polygraphs, and Elon Musk founds his own political party with AI tanks and birthrate mandates. Plus: Brazil gets tariffed, the USDA kills equity, and America slides further into parody.

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Nightly News Roundup for July 9, 2025

Thu, 10 Jul 2025 01:08:08 GMT

Flies from the sky, measles in the streets, and a chatbot goes Nazi: just another Wednesday in the terminal phase of empire.

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Nightly News Roundup for July 8, 2025

Wed, 09 Jul 2025 00:27:44 GMT

Today on NNR: Grapes of Wrath, weaponized weather, and your government’s new foot fetish.

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Nightly News Roundup for July 7, 2025

Tue, 08 Jul 2025 00:08:35 GMT

Epstein’s phantom list remains exactly that. Texas floods thanks to ghost infrastructure. The Hague sets sail for climate reckoning. Tariffs are the new national sport. America drills more but pretends less.

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Nightly News Roundup for July 4, 2025

Fri, 04 Jul 2025 22:41:22 GMT

ICE agents pissed all over an elementary school parking lot, cities around the country are cancelling 4th of July events due to "safety concerns," Marines are deploying to Florida, and the Supreme Court says "bow down to the executive, bitches."

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Nightly News Roundup for July 3, 2025

Thu, 03 Jul 2025 22:54:00 GMT

ICE has decided the best way to celebrate independence is to round up brown people, Trump and his clowns passed a piece of legislation that will add trillions to the deficit at the low, low cost of American lives, and U.S. District Judge Randolph Moss just blocked Trump’s asylum ban... for now.

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Nightly News Roundup for July 2, 2025

Thu, 03 Jul 2025 01:23:08 GMT

President Trump admitted he had no idea what's in the Big Bucket of Bullshit Bill but he did try to hawk cologne and perfume. Eau du Scandal! The U.S. lost 33,000 jobs in June, Tesla posted its worst quarter ever, and an app that allows users to pinpoint ICE agents' location hit number one.

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Nightly News Roundup for July 1, 2025

Wed, 02 Jul 2025 01:10:33 GMT

Enter Alligator Alcatraz! “We’re all going to die anyway,” - Republican Sen. Joni Ernst

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Nightly News Roundup for June 30, 2025

Tue, 01 Jul 2025 00:51:13 GMT

Trump wants to reach out and touch the CEO of AT&T, then he saw his approval ratings plummet to the lowest of all time. The Big, Fucked Up Bill is going to keep taxes on tips, overtime, and Social Security, just like people who can read told us would happen.

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Nightly News Roundup for June 27, 2025

Sat, 28 Jun 2025 01:51:48 GMT

The Supreme Court ruled today that federal courts might not have a say in federal actions, dissidents are clowning ICE, Gov. Newsom sues Fox News for $787 million, and massive protests are ready to go all over the country this weekend.

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Nightly News Roundup for June 26, 2025

Fri, 27 Jun 2025 03:36:06 GMT

Whiskey Leaks went off a (checks notes) Fox News reporter for daring to ask a valid question, the Big Beautiful Bill is rapidly becoming a giant fucking failure, cocaine use and production is at an all-time high, and Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard has been frozen out of intelligence briefings.

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Nightly News Roundup for June 25, 2025

Thu, 26 Jun 2025 06:32:46 GMT

Trump exploded like a SpaceX craft over a CNN report, MAGA is raging over the NYC mayoral democratic primary, heroin health secretary RFK Jr., wants everyone to wear a health tracker, and the White House plans to limit sharing information with Congress as required by law.

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Nightly News Roundup for June 24, 2025

Wed, 25 Jun 2025 00:33:38 GMT

President Trump placed the world on high alert for World War III in an attempt to win a Nobel Peace Prize. He staged an attack, demanded an end to the attacks, announced a peace treaty, and received a nomination for the award.

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Nightly News Roundup for June 23, 2025

Mon, 23 Jun 2025 23:44:11 GMT

It's Monday Mayhem! We've got conflicting reports about Iran contacting the U.S. and Qatar before their attacks, our Secretary of Defense is on the sidelines during major military operations, warnings abound about retaliatory strikes, and NNR sides with MTG for once.

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Nightly News Roundup for June 20, 2025

Sat, 21 Jun 2025 00:33:41 GMT

Yet another judge rained on Trump's parade, Iran is refusing to negotiate with the U.S., and there's plenty of infighting among the MAGA folks about impending war, land sales, and cuts to social nets. All that and an NNR Sports Desk report.

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Nightly News Roundup for June 19, 2025

Fri, 20 Jun 2025 03:17:40 GMT

The White House is ignoring the input of its top defense and intelligence executives, the U.S. gets to wait on the hot seat for two weeks, when our leader will tell us what he's going to do in Iran, and Dodger Stadium will now be renamed Draft Dodger Stadium.

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Nightly News Roundup for June 18, 2025

Thu, 19 Jun 2025 01:27:47 GMT

World War III is on the horizon, and the leader of the free world is leaving us with a cliffhanger, the Sec Def sought advice for the first time in his life, the Federal Reserve says this year is going to suck, and once again, a Canadian team does not win the Stanley Cup.

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Nightly News Roundup for June 17, 2025

Wed, 18 Jun 2025 00:09:39 GMT

Trump claimed to own the skies over Iran, ordered ICE workers to round up more people because quotas are quotas, human boatshoe Tucker Carlson said FOX News is complicit in starting this war with Iran, and Trump doesn't know the EU from the UK, because of course he doesn't.

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Nightly News Roundup for June 16, 2025

Tue, 17 Jun 2025 00:59:56 GMT

All fucking hell broke loose this weekend with assassinations, shootings, vehicular homicides, global protesting, the beginnings of WWIII, and one tiny, sad parade for tiny, sad people.

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Nightly News Roundup for June 12, 2025

Fri, 13 Jun 2025 02:14:14 GMT

Authorities slapped cuffs on a sitting U.S. senator for asking questions, Iran is deciding where to fire missiles on U.S. facilities, Whiskey Leaks told Congress he wasn't going to tell them the cost of the Qatari jet and is now under fire from his own party.

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Nightly News Roundup for June 11, 2025

Thu, 12 Jun 2025 01:46:48 GMT

It might literally rain on Trump's parade, Iran starts sabre rattling and might actually have a chance, Trump plans to attend Les Mis tonight but will likely not see (or hear) the irony, and the Supreme Court gives away protected lands.

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Nightly News Roundup for June 10, 2025

Wed, 11 Jun 2025 01:29:47 GMT

Another day of made-for-TV, mostly peaceful "chaos" in L.A., House Speaker Johnson suggests an 18th-century torture tactic, Taco-in-Chief threatened heavy force against anyone protesting his birthday parade, and news from the sports desk.

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Nightly News Roundup for June 9, 2025

Mon, 09 Jun 2025 23:54:07 GMT

A U.S. ambassador urged Israel to stop elections, which is also in the Project 2025 plan, the FBI added a vehicle vandal to the most wanted list, President Taco called for Governor Newsom's arrest, and Iran is too tough at the bargaining table for Taco.

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Nightly News Roundup for June 6, 2025

Sat, 07 Jun 2025 01:53:27 GMT

Germany's Chancellor embarrasses Trump in the White House, Trump ignores Musk's phone calls after their messy and public breakup, and Steve Bannon goes the full Hannibal Lecter.

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Nightly News Roundup for June 5, 2025

Fri, 06 Jun 2025 02:59:02 GMT

The richest man in the solar system versus the only convicted felon to serve in the nation's highest office.

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Nightly News Roundup for June 4, 2025

Thu, 05 Jun 2025 03:42:27 GMT

Columbia University is feeling the aftermath of caving to Trump's DEI policies, the Ketamine Kid continued his battles with the Trump squad, and Russian officials want a nuclear response to Ukraine's attacks.

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Nightly News Roundup for June 3, 2025

Wed, 04 Jun 2025 01:14:16 GMT

The Secretary of Defense has had up to here with ships named after gay Naval officers, a Florida weatherman rained on Trump's policies, Rand Paul became an unlikely hero, and Elon Musk fired shots at Trump.

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Nightly News Roundup for June 2, 2025

Tue, 03 Jun 2025 00:29:28 GMT

China overtook the U.S. in global favorability rankings, major companies are ditching law firms that signed deals with Donald Trump, a right-wing podcaster called for Trump's execution, and FEMA director David Richardson didn't know the United States has a hurricane season.

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Nightly News Roundup for May 30, 2025

Sat, 31 May 2025 00:33:10 GMT

Iowa Senator Joni Ernst said, "Well, we're all going to die" in response to pending Medicare cuts, Trump commissioned software and data mining company Palantir to build a database of every U.S. citizen, the Ketamine Kid Elon Musk showed up with a literal black eye and will leave the Trump Administration with a figurative one, and Trump publicly contemplated pardoning Diddy.

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Nightly News Roundup for May 29, 2025

Fri, 30 May 2025 00:43:54 GMT

Russia's nuclear base blueprints were leaked online, Trump sets a 3,000 arrest per day quota for his anti-immigration program, MAGA Tennessee Representative Mark Green says we need to start getting our news from Moscow, and Fed Chair Jerome Powell went on the defensive.

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Nightly News Roundup for May 28, 2025

Thu, 29 May 2025 01:00:38 GMT

Trump learned his Wall Street nickname is TACO - Trump Always Chickens Out, and then demanded never to hear that term again. Trump is also issuing pardons to any and everyone willing to pay top dollar for their freedom, and the Ketamine Kid, Elon Musk, attacked the MAGA spending bill and then watched his starship explode.

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Nightly News Roundup for May 27, 2025

Wed, 28 May 2025 00:14:12 GMT

Trump dropped his customary unhinged holiday post for Memorial Day, then got into a pissing contest with Russia. Whiskey Leaks Pete Hegseth is accused of using illegal wiretaps, and Border Czar Homan admittied to taking payments from a detention facility company.

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Nightly News Roundup for May 22, 2025

Fri, 23 May 2025 08:14:55 GMT

The 100th podcast episode mega mayhem special.

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Nightly News Roundup for May 21, 2025

Thu, 22 May 2025 00:32:37 GMT

The DoD approved the now-infamous Qatari jet for use as Air Fraud One and will require a $1 billion upgrade. What a smashing deal, y'all. Trump also refused to endores Russian sanctions and Marco Rubio refused to call him a war criminal. MAGA: Make America Grovel Again.

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Nightly News Roundup for May 20, 2025

Wed, 21 May 2025 00:00:50 GMT

Why should the Secretary of Homeland Security know what's in the Constitution anyway? House Speaker Mike Johnson refused to take any questions about the budget, a budget provided by taxpayers, but that promises to leave them broke. Trump and Hegseth announced plans for a $175 billion Golden Dome missile defense shield, and then Hegseth ordered a review of the Afghanistan withdrawal while demanding... hahahahahaha accountability.

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Nightly News Roundup for May 19, 2025

Tue, 20 May 2025 00:48:44 GMT

Trump is erasing the Ketamine Kid Elon Musk from his social media, and he called for investigations in the Boss Bruce Springsteen and Beyonce. Pope Leo XIV shooed Vice President Vance away, U.S. taxpayers have to pony up $5 million for Ashli Babbitt's family, and Trump danced around questions about the assassination attempt on him.

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Nightly News Roundup for May 16, 2025

Sat, 17 May 2025 04:05:55 GMT

The U.S. is actually considering a game show in which contestants compete for citizenship, the Trump administration is actively seeking to relocate one million Palestinians to Libya, Moody's downgraded the U.S. credit rating, the Secretary of Defense is going to open the Coca Cola 600, and Bruce Springsteen got threatened by the President for his remarks at an overseas concert. So much for freedom of speech.

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Nightly News Roundup for May 15, 2025

Fri, 16 May 2025 00:46:18 GMT

MAGA House budget will destroy low-income family budgets, Trump explained the word groceries, Senator Rand Paul asked why raise the debt ceiling by $5 trillion if DOGE is saving us money, Qatar accepts Trump's protection while continuing to fund Hamas, Representative Clay Higgins introduced a bill to kill to the EPA, and the Supreme Court is debating birthright citizenship.

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Nightly News Roundup for May 14, 2025

Thu, 15 May 2025 03:37:12 GMT

China and Russia agreed to collaborate to build a power plant on the moon, while Trump signed an agreement with a Mexican drug cartel. Three members of Congress were caught dozing off during a spending meeting, MAGA wants to outlaw all pornography. Commerce Secretary Lutnick shook hands with the people who killed 700 of his employees and his own brother in the 9/11 attacks, and RFK Jr. said no one should take health advice despite his being the Secretary of Health and Human Services.

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Nightly News Roundup for May 13, 2025

Tue, 13 May 2025 23:55:36 GMT

RFK Jr. took his family for a dip in Shit Creek, Saudi Arabia treated Trump to a mobile McDonald's truck during his visit, protestors stormed the Rayburn Building over MAGA attempts to cut Medicaid, and Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer is putting the brakes on Trump appointees until he gets an answer about the Qatari jet gift.

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Nightly News Roundup for May 12, 2025

Tue, 13 May 2025 00:55:06 GMT

Trump touted an end to the tariff war he created, then bragged about an executive order to lower drug prices, which drug companies don't have to follow, and then defended his accepting a big fat Qatari jet. Poopcopter is here! A Virginia McDonald's has banned people under 21 from dining in, and Josh Hawley throws a red flag on Trump's Medicaid play. All that and a Sports Desk!

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Nightly News Roundup for May 9, 2025

Sat, 10 May 2025 03:45:13 GMT

The Trump Administration happily accepted white refugees from South Africa, Kristi Noem proposed the death penalty for Mexican nationals involved in a boat disaster, and the President also seems to think empty ports are a win. 23 Fox News personalities have found gigs within the new administration, the Secretary of Defense doesn't understand the annual PT test cycle, and Stephen Miller strikes again.

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Nightly News Roundup for May 8, 2025

Fri, 09 May 2025 01:50:35 GMT

More than one billion Catholics around the world have a new Pope, a woke, liberal, Marxist, Trump posted about his plan of a deal with the U.K., Whiskey Leaks Pete Hegseth posted an anti-trans videos and offered voluntary separation, meanwhile the involuntary separation of jets from the aircraft carrier Truman was not discussed. India and Pakistan are in the largest dogfight since WWII, the FBI director showed up to his budget meeting without a budget, and Trump pulled his surgeon general pick.

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Nightly News Roundup for May 7, 2025

Thu, 08 May 2025 01:36:00 GMT

Pete Kegsbreath made a personal decision to stop an arms shipment to Ukraine, Marjorie Taylor Greene's political career could be in deep shit, the Federal Reserve sounds the alarm over Trump's economy, Pakistan and India are dropping jets from the ski, the Trump administration also shut down the CDC infection control committee, and NH state GOP representative thinks teenage girls are ripe and fertile.

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Nightly News Roundup for May 6, 2025

Wed, 07 May 2025 00:01:38 GMT

The Secretary of Defense posed a video of himself bragging about ending vaccine requirements, ranting about climate change, and OF COURSE transgender people in the service. Trump said something batshit crazy during a serious meeting, then ordered the DOJ to free a woman serving time for tampering with voting machines. All that and India and Pakistan are threatening nuclear war.

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Nightly News Roundup for May 5, 2025

Mon, 05 May 2025 23:54:07 GMT

Trump wants to offer a cool grand to illegal immigrants to leave the U.S., AND he wants to reopen Alcatraz, AND he's big mad at the Wall Street Journal, a wildly respected newspaper founded on capitalistic and conservative values, for asking questions. He's also big mad at 60 Minutes, because of course he is. Oil and natural gas are leaking steadily into the Gulf of Mexico, and Trump announced he wants to put tariffs on foreign films.

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Nightly News Roundup for May 2, 2025

Fri, 02 May 2025 22:42:20 GMT

White House advisor, human Halloween decoration, and part-time Nazi Stephen Miller and his conservative think tank are suing Chief Justice John Roberts for control of all federal courts, and Trump effectively ended Veterans Day and replaced it with Victory in World War I. We also compare the list of grievances in the Declaration of Independence to Trump's administration.

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Nightly News Roundup for May 1, 2025

Fri, 02 May 2025 00:13:39 GMT

Trump fired Mike Waltz as his national security advisor, then rehired him as his UN ambassador, then made Marco Rubio his security advisor AND the Secretary of State, Pete Kegsbreath threaten Iran with war in ALL CAPS. Then Trump said anyone buying oil from Iran can't do business with the U.S., and RFK Jr. said he's going to put an end to chemtrails.

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Nightly News Roundup for April 30, 2025

Wed, 30 Apr 2025 22:35:15 GMT

ABC's Terry Moran took Trump to task, Trump then tried to pin the struggling economy on Joe Biden while ignoring his tariff war, Arkansas formally recognized Judea and Samaria while also drowning in the aftermath of a biblical flood, Whiskey Leaks Pete has hired a former Fox producer to be his aide, and Elon Musk has left the White House.

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Nightly News Roundup for April 29, 2025

Wed, 30 Apr 2025 01:01:35 GMT

DUI hire Pete Hegseth plans to eliminate the Women, Peace, and Security program at the Pentagon, Trump demanded the Justice and Defense Departments find a way to place military members with local law enforcement to prevent crime, empty cargo ships are arriving at American ports which means shelves will empty out soon as well, MAGA moved to block inquiries into the Signal App scandal, and yet another nationwide protest is planned for May 1.

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Nightly News Roundup for April 28, 2025

Mon, 28 Apr 2025 23:48:51 GMT

The White House hints they want the DOJ to arrest judges, ICE is now walking into homes without warrants, Trump says he rules the world, a House Representative has introduced articles of impeachment, and DOGE has access to nuclear systems. Hooray!

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Nightly News Roundup for April 25, 2025

Sat, 26 Apr 2025 01:17:48 GMT

Trump has reinstated potentially thousands of student visa applications, causing characteristic chaos, then he trashed not one but two trade agreements he personally signed, Whiskey Leaks denied confirmed reports of his makeup room, then ranted about tampons. The FBI arrested a Wisconsin judge, and then the nation's top cop declared they're coming after judges who don't agree with them. All that and measles and E. coli are running wild.

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Nightly News Roundup for April 24, 2025

Fri, 25 Apr 2025 00:37:18 GMT

Trump 2028 merchandise is now available for purchase. Buy that garbage now before tariffs make that shit unaffordable. A Trump-appointed judge ordered the returns of a migrant mistakenly sent to an El Salvador prison, the Ketamine Kid Elon Musk announced he's stepping back from DOGE to handle his fucked up Tesla company, and Whiskey Leaks' Pete Hegseth's chief of staff is stepping down. We were THIS close!

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Nightly News Roundup for April 23, 2025

Thu, 24 Apr 2025 01:01:32 GMT

Trump walks back his tough tariff talk with China, then his press secretary walked back those remarks, Whiskey Leaks Hegseth ordered a hair and make-up room in the Pentagon for his press briefings and his selfies in the group chat, Fox News announced the only President to poll worse than Trump in his first 100 days is Trump in his second first 100 days, Arkansas MAGA politicians who voted against socialism are now pleading for that sweet, sweet socialism, and dozens of states are now prosecuting the Trump Admin for their tariff policies.

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Nightly News Roundup for April 22, 2025

Wed, 23 Apr 2025 00:48:52 GMT

Trump revoked Colombian President Gustavo Petro's visa, Hegseth said leakers who leak that he leaks will be prosecuted, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is in deep shit for siphoning campaign funds, 60 Minutes' executive producer hangs it up, Dakota State University wants to give Kristi Noem an honorary doctorate, RFK Jr. wants to build a registry of autistic people because he's a gross beast, and we pay tribute to Pat Tillman.

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Nightly News Roundup for April 21, 2025

Mon, 21 Apr 2025 22:08:25 GMT

DUI hire Pete Hegseth is reportedly on his way out as Secretary of Defense, Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem was victimized as her purse with all her ID and three grand in cash was swiped, Trump announced he's "bringing religion back" during a corporate-sponsored Easter event on the White House lawn, Interior Secretary Doug Burgum handed 500 million acres of public land over to an oil tycoon. All that and a sports desk!

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Nightly News Roundup for April 18, 2025

Fri, 18 Apr 2025 23:45:43 GMT

DOGE is likely siphoning funds from cancelled jobs into their own pockets, the Feds are looking to sell sacred Apache land to a Chinese mining company, RFK Jr. moves to close an advisory committee on genetic illnesses in newborns, Ukraine signs minerals deal and the U.S. ends peace talks, and we offer up an NNR-style tribute on the 250th anniversary of Paul Revere's ride.

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Nightly News Roundup for April 17, 2025

Fri, 18 Apr 2025 01:29:33 GMT

Trump’s senior director of counterterrorism says citizens who are demanding due process are aiding and abetting terrorism, Elon Musk says he has autism and RFK Jr. says people with autism can't use toilets on their own, ICE detains a U.S. citizen who has a birth certificate and Social Security card, and gun violence is back in the news.

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Nightly News Roundup for April 16, 2025

Thu, 17 Apr 2025 01:22:41 GMT

Sen. Van Hollen gets denied a site visit with Abrego Garcia, Dr. Oz debuts new Shaggy haircut, DUI hire Pete Hegseth says he's ready to blow the hell out of Iran, a federal judge issued a two-week ordered for the DOJ to prove they're not in contempt, My Pillow punk Mike Lindell says he's fucked, hacker collective Anonymous releases 10 terabytes of Russian-paid assets, and I might go to jail tomorrow.

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Nightly News Roundup for April 15, 2025

Wed, 16 Apr 2025 00:47:58 GMT

The VP fumbles the ball, ICE admits they have the wrong guy and arrests him anyway, Trump is caught on camera telling the president of El Salvador he wants to send "homegrown" citizens to prison, a Trump stooge says Trump is fully in the right having the DOJ investigate his haters because the Supreme Court says he has immunity, the human form of Mad Cow Disease is spreading in Oregon, and Measles continues to populate the South.

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Nightly News Roundup for April 14, 2025

Tue, 15 Apr 2025 01:13:45 GMT

And we have a Constitutional crisis! Trump sided with the El Salvadoran president against the Supreme Court of the United States, then later publically mentioned that it's time to deport home-grown citizens, tariffs are becoming less and less important as the threat of nuclear war rises, Jeff Bezos launched an all-woman crew into space inside a giant dick, and White House, surprise surprise, ignored another Supreme Court order!

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Nightly News Roundup for April 11, 2025

Sat, 12 Apr 2025 20:03:36 GMT

RFK Jr. pledged to discover the cause of autism by September, Trump mulls over giving every Greenlander 10 grand to leave, the DOJ ignores a rare unanimous Supreme Court ruling, fund managers are worried Trump might actually be insane, and the NYPD is looking for a man who performed sex acts on a corpse.

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Nightly News Roundup for April 10, 2025

Fri, 11 Apr 2025 02:20:06 GMT

DUI hire Pete Hegseth says the U.S. will take control of the Panama Canal from China, despite the fact China doesn't have control of the Panama Canal, the House passed the SAVE Act which will likely disenfranchise millions of women if it passes the Senate, Deputy FBI Director Dan Bongino wants a 20-man security detail to protect him from the FBI, Trump also slapped medicine with tariffs, and the head of ICE wants to deport people with the speed of Amazon... to the Amazon.

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Nightly News Roundup for April 9, 2025

Thu, 10 Apr 2025 00:50:13 GMT

Trump pushed pause on his tariffs and the Dow Jones rebounded, but before it did he announced on his social media feed that it was a "great time to buy" which in turn sparked market manipulation rumors, and then the President of the United States issued yet another executive order declaring the sun and the wind as non-viable energy sources. POTUS had himself a day. Kash Patel was removed as the Director of ATF and Army Secretary Dan Driscoll was put in charge, and aren't we all excited the Army is now in charge of alcohol, tobacco, and firearms.

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Nightly News Roundup for April 8, 2025

Tue, 08 Apr 2025 23:35:58 GMT

The Trump Administration has plans to attack Mexican cartels with drones, and he also plans to sign an executive order bringing back coal as a major industry, China released an AI video showing Americans slaving away in a sweatshop. Trump and his DUI hire Hegseth want a trillion-dollar defense budget AND they want Netanyahu to be appreciative, they REALLY want him, Musk and Trump's trade advisor are getting pissy with each other, Vance and the Chinese are getting pissy with each other, and the NNR staff wants to go back to the playground.

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Nightly News Roundup for April 7, 2025

Tue, 08 Apr 2025 00:37:43 GMT

Trump orders a four-mile military parade for his birthday, Russian state media thanks Trump for "breaking capitalism," Belgian police arrested Secretary of State Marco Rubio's diplomatic shift supervisor after he fought with his hotel staff and responding cops, Trump is fighting to keep a deported man who did nothing wrong imprisoned overseas, seven GOP senators signed a bill to limit Trump's economic power and NNR says literally days late and several trillion dollars short.

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Nightly News Roundup for April 4, 2025

Sat, 05 Apr 2025 01:34:10 GMT

Trump bails on dead U.S. soldiers returning to the U.S. at Dover Air Base, opts instead to golf with Saudis in Florida as the markets tank, oil prices fell 7% because OPEC bet against U.S. energy, federal unions sued the federal government in federal court, Sec Def Pete Hegseth moves to cut the Army by 90,000 troops and civilians, and the market closed with more than $6 trillion in loses. All that, AND Florida Man strikes again.

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Nightly News Roundup for April 3, 2025

Thu, 03 Apr 2025 23:17:37 GMT

Trump fulfills his promise of lowering egg prices... err... nest egg value, GOP Senator Kennedy tells CNN "We're all dead," Treasury Secretary pleads with other countries not to retaliate against U.S. tariffs, Senate confirms Dr. Oz to head Medicare and Medicaid while they still exist, and the Pentagon's inspector general opens an investigation into Defense Secretary Hegseth's Signal app usage, essentially firing himself in the process.

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Nightly News Roundup for April 2, 2025

Thu, 03 Apr 2025 00:45:12 GMT

Musk spends millions on the Wisconsin Supreme Court election and loses HUGE, powerful GOP lawyer flips teams because he's had enough of Trump's shit, Joe Rogan goes rogue and denounces deportations without due process, two GOP reps introduce a bill to restore collective bargaining rights, Texas Congressman Keith Self openly quotes Nazi minister of propaganda, and Trump grows angry with RFK Jr.s' sluggish response to shitty news, but at least RFK Jr. isn't using heroin anymore... we think.

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Nightly News Roundup for April 1, 2025

Wed, 02 Apr 2025 00:40:00 GMT

House Speaker Johnson throws his sucker in the dirt, takes his ball, and goes home, Oklahoma sends bill to committee that would effectively bring back shock therapy and lobotomies, the U.S. admitted to a rare mistake in arresting and deporting a U.S. citizen, VP Vance blames the Biden Administration for a 2019 legal decision even though Joe Biden wasn't President in 2019, and Musk visited the CIA to discuss DOGE cuts.

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Nightly News Roundup for March 31, 2025

Mon, 31 Mar 2025 22:44:32 GMT

Americans express shock over Trump's comments about having a third or even fourth term, Musk says the Wisconsin Supreme Court election will decide the fate of humanity, DOGE gained access to the pay system for 300,000 federal workers as Trump bans federal work unions, Tennessee banned chemtrails and measles has spread to five states. Why? It probably has something to do with the huge illiteracy rate, all that, and news from the sporting world.

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Nightly News Roundup for March 28, 2025

Sat, 29 Mar 2025 17:50:29 GMT

Trump moves to re-white history at the Smithsonian, Kyrgyzstan and Tajikistan signed a historic border agreement and we only hope the U.S. and Canada do too, Vice President Vance visited Greenland and the Danish press was blocked from the media pool despite the fact Greenland belongs to Denmark, Ted Cruz compared Signal intel spell to butt dialing, and once again, the Dow Jones is down more than 700 points.

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Nightly News Roundup for March 27, 2025

Fri, 28 Mar 2025 04:12:55 GMT

Attorney General Pam Bondi said there will be no criminal inquiry into the Yemen attack planning over an unsecured app, Elise Stefanik is no longer in the run for UN ambassador, the Commander-in-Chief didn't know that four of his troops were killed in Lithuania, VP Vance cancels his Greenland trip because no one wants him there, and foreign countries are urging their citizens not to visit the United States.

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Nightly News Roundup for March 26, 2025

Thu, 27 Mar 2025 01:14:11 GMT

White House press sec says there's no classified info in the classified information leak, Trump appointed Elon Musk to investigate the leak... because OF COURSE he did, Democrats showed up and flipped some seats in the fine commonwealth of Pennsylvania, White House officials left their damned Venmo accounts open, because OF COURSE they did, and Tulsi Gabbard got caught in a grip of lies.

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Nightly News Roundup for March 25, 2025

Wed, 26 Mar 2025 00:28:43 GMT

The Democrats finally arrived in Washington to skewer the emojis used in the now infamous national defense chat, House Speaker Johnson mulls eliminating federal districts in an effort to avoid accountability, flight data reveals Trump's Middle East advisor was added to the Signal chat while hanging out in the Kremlin, and Trump wants to exchange Fort Knox gold for cryptocurrency. What could possibly go wrong.

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Nightly News Roundup for March 24, 2025

Mon, 24 Mar 2025 22:51:15 GMT

The Secretary of Defense can now add "Caused the largest national security blunder this century" to his list of five things he accomplished this week. The President is complaining about an unflattering portrait of him, the Vice President is a gelding, Attorney General Pam Bondi is attacking drug dealers while the most powerful person in D.C. is soaked in ketamine, the Senate is scared of the President, the House is a trainwreck, and the Supreme Court is a scared puppy. Looks like it's on us.

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Nightly News Roundup for March 21, 2025

Sat, 22 Mar 2025 01:15:26 GMT

The billionaire Secretary of Commerce says Social Security recipients can afford to miss a check, Trump is offering to buy the Wisconsin Supreme Court election for a $100 per person, Boeing won the contract for the new F-47 fighter jet in honor of Trump... F-47... yeah. F 47. Musk is outraged that his briefing for the U.S./China war plans was leaked, and a new DOGE/Project 2025 tracking website is up and running at https://www.project2025.observer

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Nightly News Roundup for March 20, 2025

Thu, 20 Mar 2025 23:21:41 GMT

Trump was publically shocked his 19-year-old son could turn on a computer, and then he signed an EO ending the Department of Education. A dude got into an armed standoff outside CIA headquarters, Germany and the UK issued travel warnings about visiting the U.S., and the Commerce Secretary begged Americans to buy Tesla stock.

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Nightly News Roundup for March 19, 2025

Thu, 20 Mar 2025 01:36:11 GMT

RFK Jr. wants bird flu to spread to poultry farms for bizarre reasons, Trump continues to dismantle the National Park Service, the government released the JFK assassination files and Oliver Stone is furiously masturbating, Alaska Senator Lisa Murkowski says the GOP is afraid of Trump and we say NO SHIT!

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Nightly News Roundup for March 18, 2025

Wed, 19 Mar 2025 00:26:02 GMT

MAGA state senator arrested or soliciting sex from a 16-year-old girl, Chief Justice John Roberts rebukes Trump, MAGA responds by rebuking Roberts, Israel goes back to bombing Gaza because ceasefires are boring, and an NNR feature report.

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Nightly News Roundup for March 17, 2025

Tue, 18 Mar 2025 00:04:37 GMT

France said they want the Statue of Liberty back, the Trump Administration ignored a judge's order regarding a deportation flight, Sen, Schumer delayed his book tour because he was off-put by things with actual spines, and the Trump Administration also wants to pay other countries for eggs. We also have a new website that tracks Congressional stock trading: https://www.quiverquant.com/congresstrading/ Kick these assholes out of Congress immediately.

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Nightly News Roundup for March 14, 2025

Sat, 15 Mar 2025 01:18:13 GMT

It's International Pi Day, so let's get irrational. Arlington National Cemetary removed links on its website for minority and women veterans, the Broligarch in Chief Elon Musk declared Ukraine is to blame for all the hate he's receiving, Trump is expected to invoke the 1798 Alien Enemies Act, and he also announced negative reporting of him is illegal, which means Nightly News Roundup is fucked!

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Nightly News Roundup for March 13, 2025

Fri, 14 Mar 2025 01:27:26 GMT

Trump demanded plans to take the Panama Canal by force, then he later threatened to take Canada and Greenland by force in front of the NATO chief, Musk shared a Tweet excusing Hitler and Stalin from their crimes against humanity, and Musk installed a TV in the White House so he can play video games.

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Nightly News Roundup for March 12, 2025

Thu, 13 Mar 2025 01:12:58 GMT

Trump calls Senator Schumer a Palestinian in an obvious effort to get him deported, Musk tries to buy a Wisconsin Supreme Court seat, Fox "reporter" Jesse Waters claims Canada threw the first punch, RFK Jr. says EVERYONE should get the measles, and we give you a partial list of words banned from federal documents for being "woke."

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Nightly News Roundup for March 11, 2025

Wed, 12 Mar 2025 00:29:24 GMT

Trump says boycotting Tesla is illegal, violently boycotting Tesla is terrorism, and Americans must support the Broligarch in Chief. All this while his Secretary of Energy says renewable energy is a quasi-religion and calls on more reliance on fossil fuels. The U.S. was also placed on the Human Rights Watch List, a dubious badge of honor, and the Department of Education staff will be locked out of their offices starting Wednesday.

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Nightly News Roundup for March 10, 2025

Mon, 10 Mar 2025 23:33:17 GMT

Monday Mayhem! Pete Hegseth says climate change is crap as climate disasters pillage the globe, Musk called Sen. Kelly a traitor for visiting Ukraine, with a measles outbreak going on, Texas' Lt. Gov. focuses on the priority: dropping New York from New York Strip because New York is too liberal, and Musk blames a cyberattack on Ukraine ten days after Hegseth ordered a stop to all Russia cyber planning.

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Nightly News Roundup for March 7, 2025

Sat, 08 Mar 2025 00:48:08 GMT

Trump threatens massive tariffs on Russia, but who's he kidding? The GOP reportedly asked Musk if they could vote on DOGE cuts... they asked a private citizen if they could vote. DOGE efforts to sell of federal property brought them to a CIA black site in Northern Virginia. Apparently, they thought black site was a DEI term.

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Nightly News Roundup for March 5, 2025

Thu, 06 Mar 2025 01:36:43 GMT

Trump thanked his crony Chief Justice John Roberts on a hot mic last night, then set Marco Rubio up as a patsy once this house of cards tumbles, anti-vaxxers are pissed at RFK Jr. for realizing measles fucking kills people, MAGA moves to murder Social Security and a bunch of its oldest supporters, and John Cena FINALLY turns heels just as his old boss readies to powerbomb the Department of Education.

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Nightly News Roundup for March 4, 2025

Tue, 04 Mar 2025 22:35:21 GMT

Boston starts an EV party by torching half a dozen Tesla charging stations, Trump's tariffs have gone into effect predictably tanking the American stock market, Canada retaliates and the trade war is on, shitheads in Texas are holding measles parties, and shitheads on the Supreme Court reduced restrictions on how much shit is allowed in our drinking water. All that and more on this entirely necessary edition of NNR.

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Nightly News Roundup for March 3, 2025

Tue, 04 Mar 2025 00:00:51 GMT

Trump announces his tariffs will go into effect tomorrow and the stock market takes a shit, Russian state media are openly celebrating Trump's loyalty to Putin, Musk, Trump, and Vance signal they want out of NATO and the United Nations, those tariffs that caused the market to falter are likely to crush American farmers, and the FA Cup of Darts kicks off in the thriving metropolis of Minehead, England.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 28, 2025

Sat, 01 Mar 2025 01:25:21 GMT

Trump and Vance bring out their inner grade school cafeteria bully, Russian state-owned media outlet TASS allowed access to the White House, and the U.S. now offers green cards in GOLD! And the Sec Def ordered the U.S. Cyber Command to stop their efforts against Russia.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 27, 2025

Fri, 28 Feb 2025 01:06:15 GMT

Trump says he doesn't believe he called Zelensky a dictator after definitely calling him a dictator, Musk agrees to an interview with Jon Stewart the timer until Musk backs out starts now, FBI Director Kash Patel wants to partner with the UFC so he can watch sweaty, jacked dudes in boxer shorts wrestle, and measles, AKA Patriot Polka Dots, hits Kentucky. All that and more, plus sports desk commentary.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 26, 2025

Thu, 27 Feb 2025 01:25:09 GMT

Musk takes center stage at first cabinet meeting then gets hit with a paternity suit, GOP prepares to end town hall meetings after dealing with something called accountability, and Patriot Polka Dots, also known as the measles, claims its first victim in the U.S. in ten years.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb, 25, 2025

Wed, 26 Feb 2025 01:44:26 GMT

The White House can't stand the idea of a free press, farmers intend to sue the government for climate data, Rep. Jasmine Crockett fires a round at Musk, and 21 DOGE workers quit citing Musk as a corrupt force.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 24, 2025

Mon, 24 Feb 2025 23:57:55 GMT

The U.S. chose sides with Russia and North Korea at the U.N., Musk said the weekend email was a prank, hackers uploaded a video of Trump sucking Musk's toes in the Department of Housing and Urban Development, and a former cop, turned miracle-cure-pushing, conspiracy theorist podcaster is now number 2 at the FBI, a steaming number 2.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 21, 2025

Fri, 21 Feb 2025 23:45:04 GMT

Trump plans to attend Russian victory parade with Putin, and tells Maine's Governor "I AM THE LAW." DOGE wants to send everyone a $5,000 check, and an ICE prosecutor in tells announced "I am a fascist."

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 20, 2025

Fri, 21 Feb 2025 01:23:44 GMT

Trump whines that his life would have been rough had he not been elected President/King then has the Resolute Desk removed from the White House, the Senate confirms a man who hates the FBI as the head of the FBI, and the DoD apparently hates its veterans.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 19, 2025

Thu, 20 Feb 2025 01:15:04 GMT

Trump declares himself King of America, Musk declares he's found wasted American money then pockets it, KFC declares they're ditching Kentucky for Texas, and Don Jr., declares his backing for the Steroid Olympics.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 18, 2025

Wed, 19 Feb 2025 01:22:57 GMT

Trump capitulates, lifts sanctions against Russia, Putin wins because Trump is a coward. Europe regroups and determines U.S. to be an adversary, Trump voters scramble to find news jobs, possibly new living spaces, in Canada perhaps, and the measles outbreak spreads to New Mexico.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 17, 2025

Tue, 18 Feb 2025 01:09:06 GMT

Trump tells the Supreme Court he's the king and he'll go without pants if he wants to, the GOP introduced a bill to make Trump's birthday a national holiday, DOGE prepares to access all IRS data, President Musk wants to throw all of the 60 Minutes production team in prison, and the EPA's Environmental Justice Office is officially KAPUT.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 14, 2025

Sat, 15 Feb 2025 01:59:53 GMT

Valentine's Day Federal Massacre Edition! A Russian drone bombed the protective shell over Chornobyl, and Trump later demanded the firing of nuclear engineers, Cheeto-in-Chief hung his mugshot up inside the White House, measles in on the rise again as MAGA also means Measels Again, Goofy Americans. All that and a snippet of AUSA Hagan Scotten's resignation letter.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 13, 2025

Fri, 14 Feb 2025 02:35:35 GMT

Russia asks Musk to turn over names of aid recipients, a U.S. aircraft gets involved in a hit-and-run, a brain-worm having, dead-bear-leaving, heroin-using, anti-vaxxer now runs American health, and Rep. Lauren Boebert and Kid Rock give each other herpes.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 12, 2025

Thu, 13 Feb 2025 01:33:45 GMT

The State Dept. earmarks $400 million for armored Teslas, Rep. Nancy Mace blew up the House flew with allegations of abusing and trafficking women, the SecDef tooks sides with Russia, inflation is on the rise again, and Trump is, as always, unhappy.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 11, 2025

Wed, 12 Feb 2025 01:16:54 GMT

The GOP wants to rename Greenland to Red, White, and Blueland, 17,000 federal employees fight for 4,000 parking spots, Trump admin wants to neuter "lower IQ trash," Associated Press out because they won't say Gulf of America. Neither will we.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 10, 2025

Mon, 10 Feb 2025 23:21:21 GMT

Trump dismantles the Consumer Protection Agency, no protection for you, come back in 4 years. VP Vance either hates or doesn't understand the Constitution, TB is on the rise in NC, and Trump is preparing to turn Palestine into a resort.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 7, 2025

Sat, 08 Feb 2025 00:46:59 GMT

The VP wants Musk to rehire his racist employee, DOGE is now accessing nuclear weapons, Trump is mad Musk made the cover of Time, FBI Director Kash Patel is probably on the take, and Trump wants to annex Canada because his wife has a lady boner for Justin Trudeau.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 6, 2025

Fri, 07 Feb 2025 01:34:55 GMT

DOGE employee quits over racist posts and deleted accounts tied to eugenics, the White House is prepping to cut thousands of healthcare jobs, pardoned Jan. 6 felons are being arrested for child sex crimes, EPA workers have been placed on admin leave, Tuberculosis is on the rise, and America has entered a new Gilded Age; it's not 1885, it's 2025.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 5, 2025

Thu, 06 Feb 2025 01:44:33 GMT

Trump pisses off the entire Middle East, a 25-year-old has full access to the U.S. Treasury, Mitch McConnell fell down some stairs not once but twice and is now using a wheelchair in clear violation of anti-DEI policy, and a blind man secured a concealed carry gun permit. All this and more nonsense from your government.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 4, 2025

Wed, 05 Feb 2025 01:02:30 GMT

Cuban journalist and Trump supporter is on his way to GITMO, FBI agents are suing to keep their IDs private for fear of retaliation, Canada and Mexico halted tariffs by promising shit Biden already negotiated into place, and a sincere apology to Rosa Parks on her 112th birthday.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 3, 2025

Tue, 04 Feb 2025 00:12:50 GMT

Trump considers how best to murder the Dept. of Ed., Sec. State Marco Rubio now runs USAID, Trump establishes a sovereign wealth fund to buy Tik Tok, Canada says "Fuck off!" to tariffs, and we're preparing to leave the Human Rights Council.

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Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 2, 2025

Sun, 02 Feb 2025 22:42:27 GMT

Trump announces tariffs, Dow Jones falls 337 points, and everyone has forgotten about the Smoot-Hawley tariff. Trump also cans the head of the consumer protection agency, because consumers can go to hell, Federal websites go dark, and Tuberculosis is on the comeback trail.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 31, 2025

Sat, 01 Feb 2025 00:52:27 GMT

FBI agents are shown the door, Musk strong-arms his way into the Treasury, Tariff War gets spicy, State Department blocks passports, and news from the NBA and MLB.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 30, 2025

Fri, 31 Jan 2025 01:44:24 GMT

On Op/Ed piece on Donald J. Trump and his swim trunks, plus a word from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Adults.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 29, 2025

Thu, 30 Jan 2025 01:51:28 GMT

The U.S. government opens concentration camp, Trump announced he's deporting 30,000 immigrants to GITMO, Musk to be launched into space to recover astronauts, RFK Jr. perjures himself, and Pete Hegseth demonstrates he doesn't know what DEI actually is. All that and a special tech news segment from Bert McBytesalot.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 28, 2025

Wed, 29 Jan 2025 01:12:20 GMT

Trump locks 72 million people out of health insurance, takes credit for rain, freezes veteran assistance programs, demands a missile defense shield, and offers to buy out federal workers.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 27, 2025

Mon, 27 Jan 2025 23:41:58 GMT

This past week has been a helluva year. Trump has pissed off the United Colors of Benetton, House looks to investigate the investigators, Dr. Phil gets somehow more terrible, and the Chiefs will face the Eagles in the brawl for it all.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 24, 2025

Sat, 25 Jan 2025 02:37:08 GMT

Migrant workers aren't migrating or working, Chicago school denies hall pass to federal agents, Trump calls Denmark, Pete Hegseth will likely be the first SecDef for Trump's second term, and news from the sporting world.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 22, 2025

Thu, 23 Jan 2025 00:25:51 GMT

ICE can now raid petty criminals, Kentucky KKK has a hemorrhoid flare-up, pardoned Jan. 6 attacker re-arrested on Federal gun charges, and a special comment from Faith and Religion correspondent Rev. Dale E. Happysock.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 21, 2025

Wed, 22 Jan 2025 01:36:33 GMT

Bishop asks Trump to consider being passionate toward other human beings; Trump says "Pass." Georgia GOP Representative wants Bishop deported. Russia wags finger at U.S. plans for Panama Canal, Coast Guard Commandant fired for doing her job, and Trump says Jan. 6 attackers are free to go.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 20, 2025

Mon, 20 Jan 2025 22:22:30 GMT

Inauguration Day Edition! Trump takes oath, becomes King with no oversight, goodbye Gulf of Mexico, hello Gulf of America, Vivek likely out of DOGE, Trump thwarted by Melania's Spy vs. Spy brim, and Ohio State plays for natty against Notre Dame. Brought to you by Poli Memes, for the bumper sticker politico.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 17, 2025

Sat, 18 Jan 2025 03:34:27 GMT

Trump moves inauguration indoors because even tough guys get chilly, turns out climate change is just hype, Greenland melts, and more from the wide world of sports.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 16, 2025

Fri, 17 Jan 2025 02:30:49 GMT

Trump's official portrait released, fights and stand-offs in the Georgia State Assembly, former Presidents snub Trump, and Bezos and Musk suffer space setbacks.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 15, 2025

Thu, 16 Jan 2025 00:30:23 GMT

Mike Pence pulls support for RFK Jr., Pete Hegseth's testimony indicates only rich, white dudes can apply, Village People set to appear at Inauguration for some bizarre reason, and the day in sports.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 14, 2025

Wed, 15 Jan 2025 02:13:29 GMT

Fox News personality appears for top DoD gig, Mike Johnson breaks tradition if not the law, Gov. Abbott gets mad, and a special appearance from the Rev. Dale E. Happysock. Get the Bourbon ready.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 13, 2025

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 02:45:39 GMT

Editorial comment on Governors Mark DeWine and Greg Abbott.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 12, 2025

Mon, 13 Jan 2025 03:06:40 GMT

Walking herpes ad Steve Bannon calls Elon evil and racist, Mexican firefighters demonstrate walls have two sides, peach farmers get up to no good, and news from the spectacular world of professional darts.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 11, 2025

Sun, 12 Jan 2025 00:19:41 GMT

Zuckerberg begs Trump for help, Tik Tok faces SCOTUS ban, Jack Smith hangs up his spurs, Ukraine has flying boom stick, and Ohio State vs. Notre Dame threatens to ruin Midwest civility forever.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 10, 2025

Sat, 11 Jan 2025 02:07:54 GMT

Trump sentencing means absolutely nothing, Jewish space lasers, California unites to hunt arsonists, priests can be gay now, and news from the sporting world.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 9, 2025

Fri, 10 Jan 2025 01:59:09 GMT

For President Jimmy Carter, Navy veteran and Allman Brothers fan.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 8, 2025

Thu, 09 Jan 2025 00:40:15 GMT

President Musk and partner Trump prepare massive land grab, California is on fire, AG Merrick Garland to release one of two criminal investigation reports, Steve Guttenberg emerges as a hero, and news from the sporting world.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 7, 2025

Wed, 08 Jan 2025 00:35:10 GMT

Trump announces plans for Gulf of America, Americaland, Americaworld, and Amerxico, Judge Cannon shits on Jack Smith, Biden with a last-ditch effort to be relevant, Ohio fires up solar farm just in time to get shut down by MAGA heads, and more.

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Nightly News Roundup for Jan. 6, 2025

Tue, 07 Jan 2025 00:28:15 GMT

Liberals return to offices, Trump pushes Canada annexation, later has a moment of self-awareness then washes it away, Musk goes on the offensive in the UK, Bird Flu claims first American life, and a special comment from the Rev. Dale. E. Happysock of the Holy Order of the Sanctified Amnesia Tabernacle.

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