Nowt Matters Podcast

Episode 19: Stinky Friday (Big Boy Ribs)

Sun, 24 Jul 2022 16:32:38 GMT

In me (Episode 19 speaking, hi) your heroes mull the frustrations of contemporary discourse, and finally have THAT rib conversation. As always, muck-spread across my hair be the usual guffs, music and misc-appearances, including a not too pointless 'hello+' from the tall sexy-voiced one's Mutti. You look gorgeous in that birthday-suit; don't let anyone or doctors tell you otherwise.

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Episode 18: The Beef Men Returneth (Sid's Soapy Sing Song)

Tue, 05 Jul 2022 18:30:00 GMT

And just like that... We're spine. One year and a half (and name an additional "u") later, Nowt Matters returns to clog up your ear bits with bronze-rated chinwaggery re: soap stars' and varying degrees of burgeoning singing careers. That and, y'know, the usual gumpf.

It's good to be vertabrate.

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Episode 17: "Off Men", You - feat. Tom Barnes (Hot Shots part deux)

Tue, 08 Dec 2020 19:23:15 GMT

Tom Barnes - Michelin star chef, Roux Scholar and chef d'extraodinaire dans L'Enclume et Rogan & Co - chats avec the tall sexy voiced one about his 'off' Off Menu choices in a show sponsored by East 17.

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Episode 16: "Great British Men", You - feat. Tom Barnes (part uno)

Fri, 06 Nov 2020 08:48:45 GMT

Featuring Michelin star chef, Mr Tom Barnes, hottish on the tails of his Great British Menu appearance. Also featuring music from chillCollins. Where you hear an analogue string being played, that's them. Please enjoy responsibly.

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Episode 15: Happy birth firstday (live and plugged)

Wed, 10 Jun 2020 22:24:48 GMT

Find the video on YouChoob. By the power invested in Zoom, we got together for a slightly specialish Nowt Matters episode; we recorded our face and bodies, as well as vocalities, and put them all on the net for safe keeping. Look, we said go to YouTube. What's your problem? Is there something wrong with you? Oh. Sorry, then. Featuring the first of a new Spooky Wooky Tale, and some C-list would-you-rather-ing, or some shit. Sleep well.

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Episode 14: Monarch de la plage de la plague (turd tennis)

Fri, 08 May 2020 15:58:04 GMT

Join some Matthews as they discuss turd-tennis techniques, and pop an ear into the strife and times of the disputed 'King of the Beach'.

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Episode 13: Third pod of Christmas (Revenge of the Sith with a Vengeance)

Sun, 05 Apr 2020 17:38:53 GMT

What better time than isolation to join metaphorical-hands and relive Christmas with your birth-heroes, the Nowt Mattees. Partake in Macca's Christmas quiz, find out about the Christmas MWhatley fell out with his friends and how Joe made him fall down the stairs. Keep safe and lovely.

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Episode 12: Corona? (...I hardly know her)

Sat, 21 Mar 2020 13:00:54 GMT

It's the word on everyone's washed tips... and given the isolation situation, we're down to just one Nowt Mattee. But gosh darnit, we shan't be beatn't. Although, weirdly, we probably have more guests on this pod than usual. So, join your heroes for a Pods on Tour as well as the usual bullspasm. Keep yourself safe and as washed up as that lad from that thing.

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Episode 11: Jazz egg thrust (hulk slogan)

Thu, 13 Feb 2020 22:20:56 GMT

A selection of your heroes speak to a sister, a mum, and a themselves. Oxford comma? You got it. Ever wondered about your pet's get up to while the cat's away? Well, do a wonder no longer...

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Podcast 10: Two thousand and nout teen (the musical)

Thu, 30 Jan 2020 19:25:51 GMT

Join your heroes as they give 2019's music an open lipped snog, discussing highlights, while Evil Macca makes his first tasty appearance. Find some of the songs discussed in the Spotify playlist, "Two thousand and nout teen". Or don't. Shut up.

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Episode 9: And now it's this year now (spooky seagulls)

Tue, 21 Jan 2020 07:00:38 GMT

New Year has hit your hero's village like a seagull into a hotel window. Will they be able to resolution their way out? Or will they be stuck there forever? There's only two ways to find out... 1) listen to this, 2) find someone else who's listened to this and then ask them the answer to those questions.

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Episode 8: Second pod of Christmas (Return of Jafar)

Tue, 17 Dec 2019 23:26:18 GMT

Yule love Christmas 2: The Reckoning. Featuring the final chapter of Spooky Wooky Tale, festive Obituary Time, a John Lewis advert that never mut the custard, plus two handfuls of Christmas chinwaggery. Have the merriest of years.

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Episode 7: First pod of Christmas (de Pfeffel's festive (unsightly) election special)

Thu, 05 Dec 2019 00:16:48 GMT

We bring you a bulging festive election special, right to your ears. We catch up with your heroes as they interview a real life Tory, pop into the House of Commons, hear some inspirational words from Santa, open the eggiest of gifts and pop an ear to Wham Smith.

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Episode 6: One's Double-Yolker Championship

Mon, 11 Nov 2019 16:54:03 GMT

Join the Queen and tune into the doubles wheelchair tennis championships, as we sup on the teat of Nowt Matters Episode 6. Get your spooks blown right off with the Halloween special of Spooky Wooky Tale, and have a one-on-one sesh with the latest instalment of Obituary Time.

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Episode 5: Zig (not Zag)'s Cloudwater bum-blessing

Wed, 28 Aug 2019 14:17:44 GMT

And what?There's an introy-bit, then we go to Cloudwater Brewery, Track and Wander Beyond in a Pods on Toury pop to Manchester. Then, guess what? Good guess... Spooky Wooky Tale chapter, "Next". And goodnight x

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Episode 4: Family dirt quiz

Thu, 01 Aug 2019 17:03:05 GMT

Featuring an apology in relation to some of last pods’ shenanigans, your heroes playing a game, answering questions on family, sex and a combination of the latters. Not forgetting the third chapter of the teeth-shattering Spooky Wooky Tale and a brand new section dubbed “Pods on Tour” featuring a new Nowt Mattee... and other such critical topics. Have yourself a delicious day and an even deliciouser eve. Love NM x

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Episode 3: Scandinavian for Dickinson

Mon, 08 Jul 2019 18:02:43 GMT

Nout Matters Podcast: Episode 3 was born 08/07/19 at 19:03, 0lbs 23pence; featuring an introduction to a new Nout Mattee, the second knee-bending chapter of our Spooky Wooky tale, what would happen if Netto was around today and other such important topics, tickles and tales.Thanks for your ears. Give them a kiss from me.

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Episode 2: Biggie's spooky etymology

Tue, 18 Jun 2019 17:31:13 GMT

This week, your heroes apologise for an error in last week's podcast, discuss which fictional characters need a hiding; MWhatley unleashes Chapter 1 of his spooky wooky tale on an unsuspecting Macca and your heroes discuss the etymology of the phrase "shitting yourself". Also, Michael Gove makes an apology.So brew a pour, and dip a bicky into your lucky, lucky ears.

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Episode 1: Roy Walker versus the world

Mon, 10 Jun 2019 08:52:04 GMT

Welcome to the inaugural Nowt Matters... one of those 'podcasts about nothing'. Here lies the first episode, in which you can hear your heroes discuss celebrity fighting (for which there can be only one winner), etiquette, Big Brother (again... one winner, but that's more the format of the TV show than the nature of the conversation), and... no that's it. Pour a beer, shut up and listen.

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