Shrimp Cocktail

BAD APPLES- I LOVE LEWIS

Fri, 06 Oct 2023 17:43:48 GMT

Jessel was once kidnapped by a cold-hearted housewife named Sai. Jessel lived in the bottom of a ship with her husband, Lewis. Eventually, Jessel's family hired a knight named Brynn to save the couple and they immigrated to Ellis Island, New York City. Upon arrival, Jessel and Lewis were allowed to keep their Irish names, "Jack O'Lantern." The couple followed Brynn to her death and Sai was never heard from again.

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BAD APPLES- HIDDEN PHONE

Thu, 21 Sep 2023 18:21:49 GMT

"This is a message from Anonymous. Do you want to play a prank?" Ubah begins to panic as she notices a bear trap around her neck and Jessel beside her- tits out in the grotto. Erin appears on two monitors, red spirals on her cheeks, blowing ass on a tricycle. An x-ray of Ubah's skull is shown on the monitor with a SIM card behind her eye. "You have 3 minutes to retrieve your SIM card, otherwise the bear trap will close." Jessel is given a knife - will she be able to retrieve Ubah's SIM card and call for help before it's too late? Suddenly I'm craving a Shrimp Cocktail!

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BAD APPLES- WET ASS BLANKET

Thu, 14 Sep 2023 23:25:52 GMT

Going through security on you way to Anguilla, Brynn is there to pat-down your dad. Jenna is told by Sai that she must remove her outerwear. Ubah smuggles her WAP past the TSA and Jessel brings her anal beads disguised as earrings. Upon arrival, Erin will be handing out wet blankets. All aboard, it’s time for Shrimp Cocktail!

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BAD APPLES- SELF SERVING SOUP (feat. NYWANI)

Sun, 10 Sep 2023 22:31:15 GMT

This week we welcome a special guest co-host: Nywani. Ambassador to the Crustacean Nation, Nywani has recently returned from a diplomatic mission to our nation’s capital: Shediac, NB. Our ambassador met with the delegate from Mommy Nation, Sanya Richards-Ross, to sign the Seaside Convention. Notable points in the convention include: Shereé Whitfield to be appointed representative of the press, protection of Brynn Whitfield (no relation to Shereé), and Whitney Rose to be trialled for crimes against humanity for her bedroom paint scene. To celebrate this historic event it’s time for a Shrimp Cocktail!

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BAD APPLES- LIVE LOVE LASH

Sun, 03 Sep 2023 20:36:10 GMT

This week's mini challenge is called: Flirting with Married Men. You will compete in a sexy 80's workout-themed photoshoot with photographer Mike Ruiz. The twist? You'll be modelling with children. Whose children? We don't know... but they were cold and hungry and we found them somewhere in a bank. You have five minutes to get into quick drag - it's time for Shrimp Cocktail!

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BAD APPLES- FLOOR WINE

Tue, 29 Aug 2023 22:53:04 GMT

"Cause tonight will be the night that I fall for you!" Jessel is at warped tour with Jeffree Star selling Jack Skeleington handbags from Hot Topic and throwing up Froot Loops. Add Jessel to your Top 8 or else she will transform into a skin walker and put you in a freezer. In order to escape the freezer you must lick wine off the floor, if not Suri Cruise will bully you by lighting your hair on fire. Do you have your passport? Do you have your shots? Because it’s time to visit the Crustacean Nation™ - It's Shrimp Cocktail! RAWR

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BAD APPLES- CACKLING HAGS

Thu, 24 Aug 2023 22:05:27 GMT

It’s time for another Shrimp Cocktail with your favourite cackling hags: Becky and Peter. Bethenny Clause is coming to town and leaving reminisce of a seafood boil in her wake. Make sure to leave a pickle and ginger-ale out for her to eat otherwise you will be banished to the up-and-coming neighbourhood of Tribeca. Finally, bring your sunglasses to as we mingle under the blinding lights of Jessel’s apartment and rejoice in the true reason for the season …a good old fashioned hand job!

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BAD APPLES- HIDE YOUR KNIVES, HIDE YOUR KIDS

Mon, 14 Aug 2023 20:14:18 GMT

Welcome back to American Horror story: Jessel. A story of a sterile upscale apartment in NYC that is burdened with a delicate glass light fixture, a climbing wall, a white couch, and two toddlers. Jessel must keep her toddlers from interacting with anything in the apartment all while trying to fain interest in her husband. If Jessel fails, RuPaul will enter the room and make her reveal her sob story. If Jessel succeeds, she’ll be invited to “Bynnsgiving” where she’ll be ridden reverse cowgirl by a sexy dumpster teen. Hide your knives, hide your kids, it’s time for Shrimp Cocktail!

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BAD APPLES- REVERSE COWGIRL YOUR DAD

Sun, 06 Aug 2023 23:31:02 GMT

Erin is holding the ladies hostage in her unheated home with only caviar and pringles to eat. Vailed in the darkness of night, Jenna makes a harrowing escape from the RHONY cult. Brynn brings the kengery in her floor length fur, further fueling rumours that she’s a gay man. Meanwhile, Ubah is showing her nudes to everyone at the Aer Lingus terminal. Finally, Pearly the magician pulls a popsicle out of Jessel which Sai uses for content on Sniffies. Grab your passports because it’s time to visit the crustacean nation!

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BAD APPLES - LOBSTER ROLL OF EMOTIONS

Tue, 01 Aug 2023 20:56:02 GMT

Welcome to the stage: Spit Take and Heather Grey - the hosts of the world’s most popular podcast! In this week’s cocktail the Shrimps discuss Andy Cohen’s book “Super Dad” and Elloit Page’s “Page Boy”. Also in the mix: Barbie, Oppenheimer, M3GAN, RuPaul’s Drag Race Finale, WWHL, Crappie Lake, and a coveted donair costume. So grab a caviar coated Pringle because it’s time for Shrimp Cocktail!

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FAMIGLIA FEUD- REUNION PT2. NAMASTE

Fri, 09 Jun 2023 09:40:47 GMT

Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 13 Episode 18

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FAMIGLIA FEUD- REUNION PT1. DOUBLE STAIRCASE

Mon, 05 Jun 2023 22:46:15 GMT

Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 13 Ep 17

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FAMIGLIA FEUD- SENTIENT HAIR

Tue, 30 May 2023 15:13:48 GMT

Blood may be thicker than water, but a rat king usurps this tangled mess of a nuptial. Teresa (and her hair) relish in the big day, while the dorters struggle to ensure their mother's peace. Marge has much to say but opts for an Irish goodbye instead. Just like a performer pulling a sword out of their mouth, we are freeing ourselves from the familial trauma of sibling rivalry. The audience needs to take its cues from Olivia and cover our eyes in horror and amazement. Grab a whiskey, even if you hate the taste, because you're going to need it!

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FAMIGLIA FEUD- BO DIETL

Fri, 19 May 2023 18:18:51 GMT

All aboard the S. S. Dietl! This unsinkable ship is making its maiden voyage from Paul's Emerald Isle condo back to the prohibition era. The whiskey turns sour as Danielle drops a bombshell rumour, while Marge continues to drop low blows. These flappers are certainly not unflappable because the party descends into Kangol chaos. Louie has reached his final form of burgundy and belligerence because he is seeing rats and snakes. Teresa tries to run from Melissa's accusations, but there's no where to run in the middle of the ocean. Hop in your life-bubble if you don't want to go down with the ship!

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FAMIGLIA FEUD- GROOM(ING) ZILLA

Sat, 13 May 2023 21:55:21 GMT

It’s the Mazzy and Cazzy show! A travelling circus act and you have front row seats; just make sure it's facing the door. Famiglia tension continues to loom like a dark cloud over New Jersey. Dolores is forced to manage her ex's feelings, while Jen is forcing Bill out of the pool house. Teresa's wedding invitation list is putting her in a fugue state, while Louie is becoming his darkest shade of raspberry. Keep your eyes peeled for an admin reveal, because Peter and Becky are seen dining in the background wearing matching Versace outfits. Would Peter save Becky from a pit of snakes? Stay tuned to find out!

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THE TEACHES OF PEACHES- MARRIED TO THE CRISIS

Wed, 10 May 2023 02:44:21 GMT

The gates of Chateau Shereé are open, but all the shrimpies can see are red flags. Sanya and her personal-assistant-by-marriage are learning how to exercise boundaries, while real time exercising in Shereé’s home gym with her drunk-friend-at-the-party Courtney. Marlo’s earrings become larger by the second (because they’re full of secrets), and Kandi sings passive aggressive sentiments while hanging at the kitchen island. The prohibition era obsession has taken down yet another housewives franchise, so the shrimps will reluctantly put on yet another flapper dress. Grab your canapé and pearl necklace because this night will be kandi koated!

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FAMIGLIA FEUD- COCO'S CHATEAU

Mon, 08 May 2023 21:10:01 GMT

Like the ancient symbol of a snake eating its own tail, the Gorga/Guidice family is trapped in a samsara cycle of repeating trauma and pettiness. With growth comes loss, and it's no doubt that the familial ties are on the chopping block. Love therapist Olivia is doing everything in her power to avoid this plight within her family, while the cycle of familial strife is being mirrored by Danielle and her off-screen brother. The Guidice girls are baring their hearts in bandage bridesmaid dresses, like Frank dabbing crocodile tears while wearing his leather harness.

Blast the Village People and grab a smoked salmon canapé because the shrimpies are revving the engine of a white birthday Porsche and ready to crash this party!

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FAMIGLIA FEUD- SEEING SNAKES

Sat, 29 Apr 2023 19:38:32 GMT

The women are still trapped in an Irish castle, as the episode begins with yet another establishing shot we like to call “Jackie’s bukkake.” Claire, an Irish rose and honorary housewife, smells a rat … or is it a hussy? We discover Marge is an expert cock handler and Jenn Ayden is an outsider artist. Peter the farmhand pushes the girls into a bog, but luckily Jenn Fesler sacrifices a chicken to set them free. Back in Jersey the husbands are “seeing snakes” after being physically drugged by Frankie’s poison kiss (cue Donna Summer's "I Feel Love"). The new girls try to stir up drama at dinner but Marge stops them by setting the castle ablaze* (Note to Teresa : that was a “metaphor.”) Will the wives bring home a new strain of E.coli from the farm in Ireland? Stay tuned to find out on Shrimp Cocktail!

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FAMIGLIA FEUD-THROW ME TO THE BOOGAWOLF

Mon, 24 Apr 2023 20:13:54 GMT

Boogawho? Boogawhere? Boogawhat? Are Peter and Becky psychic or are the tropes of the Housewives going to Ireland just too predictable? Falling on cobblestone in heels, eating blood sausage, and getting ‘scourted on by Guinness foam might be just right of passage for these ladies. One might say that our hosts won’t be “endorsed” by psychics anytime soon. So grab your jean jacket because it’s time to get nasty with the girls. Please remember: the views and opinions expressed by Jenn Ayden towards the Boogawolf community do not reflect that of our hosts or network.

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FAMIGLIA FEUD- AIR LINGUS

Mon, 17 Apr 2023 21:37:40 GMT

This is your captain speaking - Welcome aboard Aer Lingus! Upon takeoff, please ensure that your seat swing is properly fastened. In case of an emergency you will find Jackie's jean jacket under your swing. In the rare event of a bombshell revelation please remember to blame Melissa before blaming others. Our inflight entertainment will be a limerick performed by Jenn Fesler about the time she smushed Tony Soprano. The inflight meal will be pineapple served with a face full of Guinness foam. When it comes to lingus we know you have other options and that’s why we thank you have choosing Aer Lingus, where your lingus is Aer Lingus.

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FAMIGLIA FEUD- CONVERSATING (feat. NYWANI)

Mon, 10 Apr 2023 01:48:14 GMT

Becky has lost power from Ice Storm ’98 so we’re grateful to have Nywani sub in again this week. This episode The Shrimps discuss shady new insights into pizza-gate (not that one... the New Jersey one). Teresa has a vision that doesn't include Melissa or Joe. Jenn hosts a Turkish coffee reading and Dolo invites the 'wives on a trip to Ireland. Will The Emerald Isle bring the luck of the Irish or will bad fortune haunt the girlies trip? Just remember: if everyone is yelling pretend it's not happening.

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FAMIGLIA FEUD- NONO'S PAJAMAS

Sun, 02 Apr 2023 18:59:53 GMT

The Shrimpies are still stranded on the Jersey Shore and learn the lesson that family and business don’t mix. Joe Gorga and Luis confound the audience with a pizza oven venture, while off-camera, the ghost of Nono ensures its demise. The themes of family, estranged siblings, and daddy issues continue to cause problems with the ladies and come to a dramatic conclusion with an impromptu therapy session led by an unqualified California raisin. Put on your grandfather’s pajamas and take a bone marrow shot because we’re exhausted, Joe!

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FAMIGLIA FEUD- SMELLY CONCH

Mon, 27 Mar 2023 17:01:02 GMT

Becky is back from vacation and ready to discuss all things sea snails. Teresa shops for uncut gems, while Jen insists that Marge uses blackmail to keep friendships. The new girls need to decide whose side they're taking in this severed friend group. The housewives flock to the Jersey Shore for Melissa's shore house luau party, and say enough lei-d jokes to force the viewers to debate whether they can continue watching this franchise. The rowdy party is spoiled by arguments between the entire cast, as the ladies bicker about wedding invitations and estranged siblings. Break off a piece of lobster bread and congregate around the meat tower, because we're about to dig into this episode!

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FAMIGLIA FEUD- I'M GETTING FED UP JUDY! (feat. NYWANI)

Sun, 26 Mar 2023 04:30:03 GMT

On this very special episode of Shrimp Cocktail we are delighted to introduce our special guest co-host NYWANI. Batter up! Dolores is hosting her annual charity baseball game on Hot-Dog Island. Frankie takes a swing and a miss at Dolores' emotions, despite her being a real catch. Will Jenn keep Bill in the dug-out or will couples-therapy with Olivia be a home run? Will HGH give the Jersey Boys foul balls? Buy me some peanuts and cracker-jacks because it's time for Shrimp Cocktail!

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FAMIGLIA FEUD- TRE OF LIFE

Sun, 05 Mar 2023 22:40:24 GMT

Grab your oxygen tanks because you’re about to be (unwillingly) inserted inside Teresa’s “love bubble.” No, this is NOT a metaphor - it is a literal clear inflatable plastic bubble that floats on water …hopefully. You’ll be fine ! As long as you can answer the riddle of Gabriella the Korean water ghost. If you get the answer wrong, you’ll be haunted by a visit from Ms Melanoma - but if you get the question right, she’ll restore Jen and Danielle’s nasal cartilage and heal Margaret’s broken arm. Be careful out there, take this ball of mozz to keep you safe - you’ll need it. XO -Becky and Peter

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FAMIGLIA FEUD- THE GHOST OF GABRIELLA

Mon, 27 Feb 2023 23:21:26 GMT

The Shrimps are waking up in the morning and thinking about so many things... Specifically - the images of Frank Sr’s easter-themed photoshoot seared into our brains, being haunted by the ghost of Gabriella, and Carleton using witchcraft to control Kyle Richard’s screensaver. Also on the pod - Becky confirms incest rumours and Peter learns how to breathe. Get you gavel ready because newly acclaimed lawyer “Gia McBeal” had us write this disclaimer:

[[The content of this podcast is intended for general humour purposes only and should not be taken seriously or listened to by anyone]]

Seacrest Out!

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FAMIGLIA FEUD- FREE BREADSTICKS

Tue, 21 Feb 2023 02:50:04 GMT

The shrimps are testing the limits of unlimited breadsticks in this explosive episode 2 recap of RHONJ. The women label all dysfunctional behaviour as “Italian” while stretching mozzarella by the pool. Order the mutz to-go because when you're here you're family!

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FAMIGLIA FEUD- FROM 80'S TO HADES

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 01:02:37 GMT

The Shrimps are back and flipping tables in the highly anticipated season 13 of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. The Jersey Girls are showcasing new faces and bodies but old grudges still hold strong. Will the Jersey Husband's 2023 calendar usher in the apocalypse? Get your spray tan on and stay tuned!

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SHIT STORM

Sun, 11 Dec 2022 23:05:39 GMT

The ladies are still in (not) South Beach and half the cast has food poising from chicken salad sandwiches left out in the sun. Candiace’s insta rant is projected via Bluetooth for all of Santorini to hear, while Wendy circles the block waiting for her entrance cue. The rainstorm, and the ladies, rage through the night. As the skies begin to clear it seems their animosity has washed away - but is this just the eye of the storm? Time to get cozy with Shrimp Cocktail!

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V FOR VALENTINA

Fri, 09 Dec 2022 00:00:58 GMT

Things are dialled up to Mama Mia! levels of chaos on the second to last instalment of The White Lotus season 2. Mia swipes Valentia's V-Card to the master suite and Ethan finally expresses an emotion. Portia trades her bucket hat for a detective cap and has to save Tanya before it’s too late. This homecoming, or lack thereof, will no doubt erupt like mt. Etna (Miss Etna if you nasty). It's snowing in Palermo! Time to get cozy with Shrimp Cocktail.

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PETER AIN'T SHIT

Sat, 03 Dec 2022 02:38:16 GMT

Candiace has her folded napkin triangle of sadness ready to go as we resume at (not) South Beach. Wendy is M.I.A(M.I) while the ladies eat lobster tails on a white sofa. Karen reminds us why she’s the main character, but Peter is coming for her crown. Which Peter you may ask? Listen and decide for yourself

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THAT'S A'MAURY

Fri, 02 Dec 2022 01:08:34 GMT

The shrimpies are being swept away by some high-end gays on a luxury yacht on episode 5 of The White Lotus. A betrayed Harper smokes cigs, Lucia is scared of witches, and Mia is a little bit gay. What would the queen of Sicily do? Find out on this episode of shrimp podcast

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PEENA VAGEENA

Sun, 27 Nov 2022 02:19:39 GMT

The Shrimps are going "goblin mode" for Christmas. Valentina has a girl crush on concierge Marie and Mia experiences "hard times" with the local pianist. Tanya becomes abducted but a flock of local gays. Harper gets off on withholding contraceptive and Portia gets a taste for crown jewels. So drop a via/molly because it's time for Shrimp Cocktail!

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DON'T START

Sat, 26 Nov 2022 02:11:56 GMT

Merry Quizmois! On this episode, the Shrimps discuss Linday Lohan's triumphant return to the silver screen with her new holiday classic. Becky revamps her war on Christmas and Peter joins us from the kid's table. Meanwhile in Miami, Candiace is physically M.I.A and Robyn hasn't sat down in weeks. Gizelle and Karen re-ignite their feud and Mia get banned from Wendy's. Michael continues his ghost-load tour around the world and Ashley is thriving in the chaos. How's the Nigerian Shrimp Peter? Time to enter the Matrix. It's Shrimp Cocktail!

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LET'S FUN

Tue, 22 Nov 2022 00:59:09 GMT

The shrimpies are back in Sicily; high on edibles and mdma and wandering the hallways of Luigi’s haunted mansion. The girlies take a getaway and ponder gender, elephants, and fidelity, while the boys explore gender via jet-skis. The local psychic fails Tanya by telling her the truth, while Harper cosplays as someone who smiles. Will the tarot deck finally reveal boy on boy? It's time for a Shrimp Cocktail!

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THE (REDACTED) SESSION

Sat, 19 Nov 2022 23:04:34 GMT

Pull up in the Sri Lanka because this week The Shrimps are swimming down to Miami (but not South Beach) to recap The Real Housewives of Potomac Season 7 Episode 6. Ashley the theatre gay gets tit nipply, Wendy becomes afraid of water and Candiace still isn’t having any of it. Gizelle discloses Robyn’s poop schedule and Mia gets the throwing wine …and Tinsley was there …and Peter was there! So grab a room (because there are only seven) - it’s time for Shrimp Cocktail!

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LADY LYMPH NODES

Tue, 15 Nov 2022 04:43:47 GMT

Ashley is stuck in suburbia and the mothman won’t let her escape. Robyn is running low on melatonin gummies and becomes aggressive. Gizelle is zooting with her girls left and right. Wendy’s stress causes her to become bald and stoned. Mia is given key to the city of Miami. Candiace… we’ll she isn’t having any of it. Let the burn sessions begin! Bye ankles!

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NO HOMO(CIDE)

Sat, 12 Nov 2022 19:53:09 GMT

Mt. Etna is ready to bust because The Shrimps are recapping S2E2 of The White Lotus. On this episode, Peter explains how he gets sexual powers and Becky goes to HR to discuss his behaviour. So light up a cig and come down to the sea... to one of those really romantic spots... to drink aperitivos and eat giant clams. Ciao Stronza!

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FORESHADOWBOUTIT

Sat, 05 Nov 2022 05:04:24 GMT

CIAO BELLAS ! Time for an Aperol Spritz while the Shrimps journey to the 'Isola Di Sicilia' for a recap of the long-awaited, highly anticipated, White Lotus season 2 premier! In this episode, Becky discovers a new doppelgbänger and Peter becomes suspicious of sweater vests. Also on the pod - the Shrimps wrap up their halloween discussion and wonder if aliens believe in Tom Delong. Mt. Etna is quaking in her Versace boots so grab a free breadstick because when you're here you're familia !

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SWEET BERRY POTOMAC

Thu, 03 Nov 2022 22:15:23 GMT

This week The Shrimps discuss episode 4 of the Real Housewives of Potomac, celebrity halloween costumes, and more!

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NOT TODAY, ANKLES

Thu, 27 Oct 2022 18:25:58 GMT

This week The Shrimps discuss Episode 3 of the Real Housewives of Potomac and Becky gives us an update from Our Nation's Capital: Red Lobster!

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TIKTOK FUGUE

Fri, 21 Oct 2022 02:16:20 GMT

The shrimps discuss episode 2 of the Real Housewives of Potomac, BravoCon, and more!

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THE COOCHIE CURSE

Tue, 18 Oct 2022 03:18:47 GMT

The shrimps discuss the season 7 premier of the Real Housewives of Potomac.

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TRAUMA BONDING

Sun, 16 Oct 2022 17:14:51 GMT

Becky and Peter tell you a bit about themselves and their reasons for starting the pod.

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