The Sportive

#388: Ron MacLean

Wed, 01 Apr 2026 03:23:05 GMT

It’s Hockey Night with The Sportive, as Jon and Chiken group up to talk about all the Wild minutiae that we might have missed over the past few weeks. Plus, a look inside the Gopher hockey coaching situations - you know, in between basketball games, when Mark Coyle has a few minutes to fit it in.

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#387: A Ziploc Bag from Candyland

Thu, 26 Mar 2026 03:35:47 GMT

Jon and Stu return to the airwaves to discuss the dawning of a new baseball season, along with many* reasons to be excited about the Minnesota Twins. Plus: Kyler Murray

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#386: A Double Trifecta

Fri, 09 Jan 2026 04:42:07 GMT

Jon, Stu and B take a spin through the sports. Wolves, Wild, Loons, Gopher hoops and a rooting interest preview of the pigskin games. It’s a salve for what ails you, or at least a mindless temporary distraction. That’s the Sportive Guarantee.

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#385: It's a Pita Thing

Thu, 11 Dec 2025 05:27:01 GMT

We lead with the Michigan news despite knowing nothing, then we learn to pronounce a bowl name. From there it's a bit of Vikings talk, a Wolves check-in and finally a midseason "who has more technicals" update between Brandon and his teenager.

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#384: I Never Forget the Anger

Fri, 14 Nov 2025 22:51:47 GMT

Jon and B are BACK. We give an early Wolves report card, check in on JJ and then Jon offers an outlook on the 2026 Twins that doubles as a cry for help. We end with some footie talk and our famous “What is Jon Missing” pop culture segment.

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#382: Tullamore Stu

Thu, 23 Oct 2025 03:26:07 GMT

It’s Wolves Season Preview night. We break down all (some) of the angles of the upcoming season with a special guest appearance from Bone Thugs-N-Harmony. Truly an honor.

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#381: All News is Good News

Fri, 10 Oct 2025 18:12:07 GMT

Jon and Chicken break down game 1 of the Wild for 20 scintillating minutes and then we move on to: (24:30) NFL takes with a side of Jon’s Pop Culture Corner, (50:30) Jon’s annual Gopher football meltdown, (59:00) a shocking Gopher women’s hockey defection and of course a Top 6.

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#380: Like Menudo!

Thu, 02 Oct 2025 03:23:58 GMT

It's been a newsy week, as the Twins season is over, the Lynx season is over, and the Vikings season is over (pending this week's offensive line injury report). Jon, Chicken, and returning podcast hero Stu are here to discuss such pressing topics as:

A new Pohlad has entered the chat
Cheryl Reeve, American hero?
The Vikings offensive line is made of injuries
Kirill Kaprizov, and new Wild hero Beef Bouillon

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#379: Gideon's Orb

Fri, 26 Sep 2025 03:38:04 GMT

Another raw-dog sesh for the true fans. Chicken leapt off the top rope to take it to the Twins brass, we previewed the Vikings game and then a Top 6 that set a new low for preparation time. Plus we reveal the sordid history of Bob J Pillsbury and what he did on the senate floor in 1903. It all makes sense when you listen (it does not make sense).

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#378: Playing on Planet Jupiter

Fri, 19 Sep 2025 03:22:37 GMT

This week on the Sportive, Jon and Chiken - the hockey guys! - review the first day of Wild training camp, because it's important to talk about the Wild when only two guys managed to have long-term injuries announced on the first day of training camp. Will the Wild have a team by the time the first preseason game rolls around, which is somehow on Sunday? Will the Vikings be able to field a team by Sunday? PLUS: Jon asks for controversy in college hockey and gets way more than he bargained for.

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#377: In an Imputin' Mood

Fri, 12 Sep 2025 20:50:40 GMT

Welcome to Deep Dive Central. We go long on the Vikings crazy win, the Kaprizov contract stalemate, a recent Saints game, and the incredibly fun Kawhi shenanigans.

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#376: Raw-Dog the Cross Fade

Fri, 05 Sep 2025 02:29:01 GMT

We miraculously recorded this episode IN PERSON, at the great Surly Beer Hall. Discussed: Tyler Childers, NFL games preview, Stu's upcoming Gopher game suite situaish, MLB playoff teams rootability rankings, and a deer hunting game plan. A glorious hour-plus.

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#375: Forgot The Titans

Thu, 28 Aug 2025 04:19:15 GMT

We finally unveil our long-awaited and opposite-of-shocking thoughts about the Pohlads calling off the sale: it stinks. After we get that off our chest, we preview the Gopher football season, select our AFC Team of the Year and reach a new low in our Top 6 segment (literally and figuratively).

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#374: The Bader Impact

Thu, 21 Aug 2025 03:41:06 GMT

After an accidental tangent into little league baseball, we unleash our famous annual Vikings preview (horn sound). We air grievances then predict our bros, turds and wins on the year. The finale was a Top 6 that utilizes the most cutting edge of technological advancements. The results will shock and awe listeners. The future is HERE.

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#373: We Don't Want Any More Nibbling

Thu, 24 Jul 2025 03:42:11 GMT

We planned to talk Vikings but instead covered a few minutes on the Twins before diving into incredible (A+) ideas to fix baseball, and then B summarized his summer of arguing with umpires.

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#372: Cheesebutts & Doofuses

Fri, 02 May 2025 21:45:35 GMT

Jon and B go Wolves-centric after the glorious Lakers beat-down. Shout-outs to Rudy, Julius and Tim Connelly. A Rockets or Warriors agonizing decision tree that was obvious the second we started talking. A ranking of this season and players on the all-time list. Kurt Rambis catches a deserved stray, obviously. Then a quick requiem for the hockey Vikings, stuck in a Groundhogs Day scenario for the 19th straight year. We don't say this often as we are a humble folk, but today's episode was our best one yet.

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#371: The Joke Yips

Fri, 25 Apr 2025 19:24:59 GMT

Wolves game 3 preview! Wild mid-series analysis! Vikings draft grades! Luke Keaschall! Conspiracy theories! Todd Steussie! Rob Lowe! Seth Macfarlane! Our best episode of all time.

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#370: The Funny Horn Zone

Thu, 27 Feb 2025 04:20:55 GMT

The Sports Knowers Jon and Brox cover: A-Rod vs Glen, is MLB dead or merely dying, cool new baseball rules that everyone will love, a 4 Nations recap, Gopher basketball eternal shrug emoji and more. Then the internet nearly gave out on us, just like old times. Good stuff.

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#369: Playing in the Gouda Space

Sun, 19 Jan 2025 19:18:52 GMT

Stu, Brox, Marth and a few minutes of Chicken achieve a rare Sportive Consensus(TM) on our opinion about next year's plan for the Vikings QB, then we rank the remaining playoffs teams before a reluctant transition to the Wolves. A phenomenal Top 6 and 1-minute timed overviews of the Wild and Loons round us out. It's so good to be back.

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#368: A Friday Shortive

Fri, 22 Nov 2024 20:16:11 GMT

Jon and B knock out a quick check-in on the Wolves, Vikings, Gopher football, the Loons and our children. Tune in and win.

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#367: They Make The Bread In House

Thu, 24 Oct 2024 12:13:23 GMT

Vikings panic meter, a harrowing admission about the Yankees, a top 6 that left Jon on cloud 9, and then we did our famous whip-around segment. Plus a beer review segment that everyone knew and understood. Instant classic episode, some are saying.

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#366: You Lose Money on Most of the Pigs

Thu, 19 Sep 2024 03:17:54 GMT

This week we:

Gave up on the Twins again
Found out Stu is allowed in the Four Seasons
Previewed Vikings-Texans
Unveiled a Johnny Unitas ranking that everyone loved and understood
Previewed the Gopher-Iowa game that we won’t watch
Learned that Esko and Elko are two different cities that aren’t even close to each other
Described the War on Drugs music to Chicken who didn’t ask and didn’t want to know

Jon was missed. Turns out he’s the one who watches sports. Hurry back, Jon.

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#365: It's Getting Kinda Hazy

Tue, 10 Sep 2024 03:47:35 GMT

Summer sabbatical OVER. Chat mode ENGAGED. On the docket: the Vikings, adopting a temporary NFL team (horse sound), losing our cool over the loser Twins, shrug emoji about the Gophers and then some youth sports talk to bring us home. Plus a classic Jon post-furious rant. We are so back.

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#364: Buying OJ a Pair of Gloves

Wed, 08 May 2024 04:21:09 GMT

Us OG Wolves guys chest-bump about our squad, piss & moan about Jamal Murray being a baby, and welcome the bandwagon fans with open arms like the mensches we are and have always been. Then first thoughts about the JJ McCarthy pick, and later a quick chat on traveling baseball coaches. Jon dropped off at one point, Stu briefly forgot how to construct a sentence, and we yet again had technical difficulties. We are back.

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#363: Just Because It's Right, Doesn't Make It Interesting

Fri, 12 Apr 2024 03:09:01 GMT

Stu and Jon return, even though nothing has happened in Minnesota sports. Discussed:

Glen Taylor finally shows us what KG's seen all along
What disease will the Wolves get before the playoffs
The Twins refuse to change
The Vikings should pick as many players as they can
Super Bowl 27

You know! All the big topics!

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#362: The Worst Thing Judy Garland Ever Did

Wed, 06 Mar 2024 04:49:57 GMT

We turned in our Super Famous Annual High School Hockey Preview right at deadline. Come for the matchups, stay for the facts. We never said they were fun. Mentioned: Bock Fest, arson, Jesse James, white flight, Egypt, CEO payouts, Edina notable residents, and what the word Mahtomedhi means in Dakota. We are all shocked to our core but choosing to believe it. Also another Top 6 and the return of our old friend audio problems near the end. We are so back.

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#361: Raw-Dogging Reality

Wed, 10 Jan 2024 04:28:23 GMT

Brand new year, same old us. Covered: Vikings QB options this offseason, NFL playoff teams rooting interest, Wolves/Wild, how to pronounce schadenfreude, a Top 6 and New Year’s resolutions.

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#360: Chopped Liver

Fri, 05 Jan 2024 04:37:10 GMT

Happy New Year! Jon and CF are back, the Chopped Liver edition of the podcast, to talk about the things that Brandon and Stu won't talk about. Chiefly:

The NHL has a referee problem on their hands, and they're not doing anything about it
The Vikings are starting the wrong disaster at quarterback
We knew the Twins offseason was going to be bad, but I don't think we understood just how bad

If you want to know what kind of episode this was: this started with 15 minutes of tangents before we ever talked about anything related to sports.

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#359: Young Swarming D

Fri, 15 Dec 2023 21:20:42 GMT

The whole gang is back as Jon ranks his most hopeless local teams in order. Was this a lazy way to generate content or a strategic move from Brox to get to brag on the Wolves for once? Yes and yes.

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#358: BURGER DIVE

Wed, 22 Nov 2023 04:47:00 GMT

The Wolves are amazing, the Vikings are a model of consistency, Chicken is angry, Stu is drunk. Two things that make no sense combined with two that do, so at the end of the day we're back to even and all is right in the world. Burger Dive.

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#357: He's Not A Fall

Wed, 15 Nov 2023 04:49:52 GMT

On this show, Stu and Chicken and Jon discuss what it's like to actually enjoy watching the Minnesota Vikings; shrug resignedly about the Minnesota Wild; react in real-time to the Timberwolves getting into a brawl in Golden State; and rant explosively about college football.

Plus, Stu has a Top 6 that's expressly designed simply to just make Chicken laugh. Join us!

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#356: Excitement Bus Explosion

Sat, 28 Oct 2023 03:40:24 GMT

The Wolves should be good, the Vikings keep winning, the Gophers beat Iowa, Brox is getting a garage heater and yet we still find things to complain about. Where there's a will there's a way.

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#355: The Pennywise Sewer

Tue, 03 Oct 2023 03:31:57 GMT

Just in time for the Twins to return to the playoffs, Jon, Stu, and CF review our famous bro and turd predictions for 2023. This, of course, means that we also made our predictions for the Twins' series against Toronto (hint: 0-16) and also discuss our favorite Canadian provinces, as you do.

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#354: Dean Lowry in Stretch Khakis

Thu, 07 Sep 2023 03:54:22 GMT

Whoa hey it's our FAMOUS Vikings season preview episode. We cover it all: who's in, who's out, bros, turds, and wins. Then a few minutes on the Twins and Gophers at the end for good measure. Real, real quality content. We're all about the 'tent.

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#353: A Gopher Football Preview, Filled With Opportunistic

Tue, 29 Aug 2023 12:32:53 GMT

WARNING: This episode is only for the Gopher football sickos. Jon is joined by his brother Dave and their fellow Gopher football nerd Shimul, and they run down the state of Gopher football, including an absolutely enormous amount of Remembering Gopher Football Guys. They go position by position with the team and week by week with the schedule, and for some reason former defensive coordinator Robb Smith keeps coming up, and if you don't remember Robb Smith then I'm not sure you'll enjoy this episode.

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#352: Common Core Meth

Thu, 24 Aug 2023 04:12:22 GMT

One of our hosts got kicked out of a youth baseball game, to the delight of the other hosts. Then we talk State Fair, posting strat, the Montgomery dock brawl, the Twins, and making sure we check our smoke alarms before this upcoming Wolves season. We are so back.

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#351: The Walk-In Jeans Freezer

Sat, 01 Jul 2023 21:54:10 GMT

Quick break from our summer vacation to talk NHL and NBA drafts, decide who's at fault for this Twins season (it's everyone), and recommend drinking a cabin beer over the weekend. Also we do a fun bit about Dahmer and use the word "lumbering" like 6 times for some reason.

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#350: The Monkey Bars to Prosperity

Wed, 24 May 2023 03:48:51 GMT

Jon, B and Chicken rant about the Twins, half-heartedly argue about lotteries being fixed, rank parking lot beers and determine our Minneapolis mayoral candidacy positions.

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#349: The Water Tower's Filled With 2% Milk

Wed, 17 May 2023 03:20:37 GMT

Stu and Jon talk through the crimes of Phil Cuzzi, the Loons' ongoing Emanuel Reynoso saga, and the geographic issues that the NHL won't talk about it. Plus, Stu's eyes glaze over as Jon talks about the NBA's silly in-season tournament, the population of San Antonio is discussed, and Stu's Top 6 brings back the great movies of 1998.

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#348: Timberwolves Post- and Pre-Fury

Fri, 12 May 2023 19:34:57 GMT

The final episode of the Sportive "Making Up For Lost Time" trilogy is here. Jon and Brandon sit to, finally, discuss the end of the Timberwolves season, talk about what comes next, and get pre-furious about the Lore/A-Rod ownership era. Plus: An informative discussion of age-appropriate family vacations. Episode rating: ten cabin beers!

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#347: Whiskey and Syphillis

Fri, 12 May 2023 03:01:12 GMT

It's part two of our epic three-night podcast residency. This time, Stu joins Jon to talk about the Vikings draft and to complain, or as the case may be NOT complain, about the current state of the Twins. Plus: the Top 6 Patio Beers, an inarguable ranking.

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#346: It's Not An Allegation

Thu, 11 May 2023 02:36:21 GMT

After a long hiatus, we finally stopped trying to schedule the podcast and started just recording with whoever was available. This time, Jon and Chiken get together for a hockey-centric podcast. We kick dirt on the Wild season that was, talk about why the Wild might be screwed in the future, and read some Bill Guerin quotes to see if they make us mad... then go on to make fun of the rest of the Stanley Cup playoffs and the NHL either fixing or not fixing the draft lottery. But it's still too soon to talk about Gopher hockey.

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#345: Laudner Mouthfeel

Fri, 07 Apr 2023 03:37:19 GMT

Good times, just real good times all around. We (1:00) celebrate a big Gopher hockey win, (28:30) preview the Twins season including bros & turds, (55:00) somehow avoid a tantrum over the cursed Wolves season, and end with what Jon deemed the best Top 6 ever. He was hopped up on yardstick beers but he might be right.

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#344: The Outback Steakhouse of Sports

Thu, 16 Mar 2023 03:18:21 GMT

Jon, B and a few minutes of Chicken talk drinking and the Wild, then play a rousing game of “Which Wolves player would this season be?” which you will understand when you hear it (no you won’t). Then we get all old man on March Madness and end with some dad life. Real good times.

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#343: Dial 2 for Gord

Thu, 23 Feb 2023 04:51:45 GMT

The boys are BACK. Items: (2:00) The Wild’s goalie issues, (31:00) Wolves predictions for the rest of the season and whether or not to trade KAT, (54:00) Stu’s increasingly insane Top 6 list, (1:01:00) Dadvice for out-of-town tournament parenting/partying strategies.

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#342: An Entire Decade of Beige

Sat, 11 Feb 2023 04:22:25 GMT

[Announcement horn] It's the TEN-YEAR ANNIVERSARY EPISODE. Jon, B, Stu and later Stu's better half celebrate the decade checkpoint with a live show at Surly. New locale, new show age, same old unprepared BS you know and love. Thanks for listening, friends. 🍻

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#341: A Murder of Hosmers

Wed, 11 Jan 2023 04:44:06 GMT

This week we (1:00) explore our feelings on the Correa signing, (23:00) preview the Vikings/Giants tilt, (45:00) check in on the Wild, Wolves and Loons, and then (1:10:00) Stu delivers a filthy, disgusting and outright shocking Top 6 list. Will we ever recover enough to record another show? Only time will tell.

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#340: Hologram Courtney James

Wed, 04 Jan 2023 04:33:33 GMT

Jon, B and Chicken are BACK. Topics: (2:00) if this Vikings seasons ends with a whimper, was it still a success? (27:00) B is forced to role-play as Chris Finch and beg to keep his job, (49:30) a trip down memory lane to recap the first ever Sportive episode, and then (1:12:00) another famous Stu’s Top 6 segment.

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#339: 103rd & Goal

Wed, 30 Nov 2022 04:44:27 GMT

We kick off with another Top 6 that is sure to break the internet, then (11:00) World Cup reactions, (37:00) coming to grips with a good Vikings team, and (54:00) ranking these putrid Wolves on a list of all-time worst vibes in the franchise. A GRIM exercise.

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#338: Pressing the Greasy Button

Wed, 26 Oct 2022 03:29:28 GMT

Jon, Stu and B do their best to process (3:30) a good Vikings team, (21:00) a frustrating Wolves team, (39:00) our favorite player Fred Gadreau’s tough start, and (45:00) hangovers. Lots of hangover talk. No particular reason. Stu ends with another Top 6. Good stuff.

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#337: The Village Wok

Thu, 13 Oct 2022 03:28:14 GMT

The award-winning podcast is back, and this time we've got our first guest in about 200 episodes, as old friend Michael Rand of the Star Tribune joins Jon and Stu to give us some hockey-related gravitas. We talk about the Wild, our gut feelings for the season and our worries, our hopes and our fears and dreams; we then briefly moved on to talking Loons before Chicken showed up out of nowhere and we boomeranged back to talking about the Wild. Plus: talk about things calcifying; which fanbase is angriest at Mike; Timberwolves win predictions, somehow; and a Top 6 list from our close personal friend, and former podcast guest and future lawsuit recipient Rocket.

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#336: Blue Jeans and PepsiColas

Wed, 21 Sep 2022 03:21:49 GMT

Stu and Jon are in the house (or on the Zoom) this week, with the benefit of an extra week of hindsight. We discuss the Vikings' good-news-bad-news start and the end of the Twins season, plus get in a Loons update as well as a long commentary on the head coaching situation for the Arizona Wildcats football team, just as you all demanded. Plus, Stu is back with not only a Top 6, but an unrelated auxiliary Top 4 list as well.

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#335: All Profits Go To O.J.

Thu, 08 Sep 2022 03:50:33 GMT

[Ringing large bell in the town square] HERE YE HERE YE it's the annual Sportive Vikings season preview. We play a new game called "In & Out" then run through our bros, turds, wins and backup team. Plus a new bit called Style Corner With Jon. Big thanks to Stu for submitting his latest Top 6 list and to Tom Shane for calling in.

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#334: The Brian Zepp Truth Foundation

Thu, 18 Aug 2022 04:10:05 GMT

The boys are back with our world-famous bits and segments. This episode had everything: aimless speculating about Twins pitcher injuries, giving up on the Vikings before the season starts, Stu’s Top 6 and Jon role playing. Later we introduced two new crowd-pleasing features: “Drinking! With Stu” and “Eating! With Chicken.” Possibly a good episode, definitely an interesting one.

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#333: Pulling the Big Dog

Thu, 04 Aug 2022 04:12:51 GMT

Us again?? Jon, B and CF69 cover: how it feels to have a giant tree fall on your house, the Twins deadline deals, pull tab strategies, Canterbury, a very quick Kirill update, and the Top 6 Maggies (?). Peel back the tab slowly and then very quick on this one.

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#332: Stackin' Pallets

Thu, 28 Jul 2022 03:43:42 GMT

The whole gang is back to do stealable bits and unique segments. We rank stuff and order other stuff, some of it sports related but mostly not. Terrain covered: fireworks, beergaritas, Pine Island, Gin Blossoms, parking lots, Nebraska, coaching, Heart, and more.

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#331: Grandma's Poison Candy

Fri, 22 Jul 2022 04:13:52 GMT

Brandon is the only one with access to the editing and uploading site. All Brandon knows is at the tail end of a long day he received a text from Jon and Stu reporting they deposited an episode into the podcast hopper along with a suggested show title, and a request to upload for the world's delight. The contents and topics of said show? Your guess is as good as Brandon's, who is so befuddled by the news of an actual new episode that he is now speaking in third person. Pathetic. Do better, Brandon. (Please enjoy this very good episode of Minnesota dads talking about sports.)

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#330: A Fathom of Salt

Sat, 16 Apr 2022 03:07:27 GMT

It's an ALL WOLVES podcast from Jon and B. We debate where the play-in game ranks in all-time Wolves wins (spoiler: real high), hoot n holler over the ref show, and preview the Memphis series.

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#329: Paddack! At The Disco

Fri, 08 Apr 2022 03:36:05 GMT

Takes us a while to get on the rails but eventually we do a Twins season preview deep dive, including our famous Wins/Bros/Turds bit. We finish with a quick check-in on the Wolves and Wild and throw in 10 to 20 potshots at the Mankato hockey team just because.

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#328: 10 Squirts of Polo Red

Wed, 23 Mar 2022 03:55:21 GMT

NEWCOMERS EDITION. We throw down our takes on Carlos Correa, Za'Darius Smith and Marc-Andre Fleury. The analogies were solid gold and NOT strained or forced. Bonus: Chicken accidentally doxxed himself at one point which forced the producer to learn how to add a posthumous bleep. Good times.

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#327: The Squeezin' Biz

Wed, 16 Mar 2022 03:32:44 GMT

Full cast for this one. Items:

Determining what we need from the Twins to stop us from a full rage
New-school egghead Vikings regime, same results
What happened to the Wild and how to right the ship
All hail the most stable franchise in town: The Timberwolves
Read that last bullet again, wtaf
No way we regret that opinion
90 seconds on the Loons

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#326: The Gravitational Pull of Balls

Thu, 10 Feb 2022 04:30:00 GMT

The whole gang's BACK. Topics:

Vikings new hire reactions, prediction on Kirk returning or not and Super Bowl rooting interests
Wild: how a dynasty was created
Wolves: the first 7 seed in league history to have a roster of 15 untouchable guys
Jon starts to tell us about his vacation and we cut him off after one sentence to piss and moan about winter for 20 minutes. You're on notice, winter.

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#325: Chinos of Mystery

Thu, 13 Jan 2022 04:20:57 GMT

Jon, B and Stu deliver a eulogy for the Zimmer/Spielman era and embark on pre-reactions to potential new head coaches. We also check in on the Wolves before doing two separate segments on beef (one metaphorical and one literal).

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#324: Josiah Flintabbatey Flonatin

Thu, 06 Jan 2022 04:23:27 GMT

Jon, Stu, and Chiken return after the death of a computer (RIP) to talk about the end of an era for the Vikings, the chances that Spielman / Zimmer / Cousins will return next year, the Winter Classic, and mayhem with the Wild's roster. Plus: luchador masks and Zoom calls?

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#323: Lining Up a Wall of Flesh

Sat, 18 Dec 2021 04:16:43 GMT

Jon and B record a special FRIDAY NIGHT show because we couldn't wait to discuss: (2:45) the state of the Wolves and an angry/confusing Andrew Wiggins rant, (35:40) a Vikings check-in, (49:00) quick hitter on the juggernaut Wild and (1:04:00) B breaks down an absolutely perplexing text from a neighbor.

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#322: You No Longer Have a Friend in the Diamond Business

Wed, 01 Dec 2021 03:50:21 GMT

Jon and Brox go all in on the NBA. YOU’VE BEEN WARNED. We get sappy about our beloved Wolves, then give in-season bros & turds, offer a few medium-spice takes and end with predictions. And a special guest stops by which - believe us when we tell you - you do not want to miss.

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#321: Go Rake Your Bullpens

Tue, 12 Oct 2021 04:17:15 GMT

Chicken Fingers back? Chicken Fingers back. Topics: (2:00) Vikes game recap plus a detailed Zimmer-Cousins “celebration” analysis, (31:00) an epic disaster by the Loons, and (44:00) Wolves bros and turds. Chicken picked actual rostered players this year, shocking us all.

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#320: A Losing Thunk

Thu, 07 Oct 2021 03:24:47 GMT

The boys are back in town to cover: (1:45) the Vikings are…bad? Fine? Unclear. (25:30) A requiem for the Twins including the most heinous bros & turds results in this podcast’s 78-year history. We end with a little (43:00) Wolves and (58:00) Wild season preview.

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#319: Jeff Reboulet Thinks Jurassic Park Really Happened

Fri, 13 Aug 2021 03:27:38 GMT

1:00 - Quick recap of what happened while we were gone

6:00 - Let's name some medalists

21:30 - Twins ughhh

52:00 - Kirk Cousins' Popemobile

At some point in there we also ranted about the Rubio trade, talked dogs, and broke the news of our exciting used car purchases.

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#318: Textbooks From Florida

Thu, 10 Jun 2021 02:26:54 GMT

In order to reclaim our crowd as Podcast King of the Dads, we talked about humidity for five minutes to start this show.

After that, we just tried to avoid talking Twins as long as possible. This meant we talked about the Lynx, new women's soccer teams in Minnesota, and USA/Mexico until we finally had to start talking about Gerrit Cole's inability to answer questions. We also talked about the Wild's upcoming offseason, and spent a large chunk of time laughing about the situation the Packers are in, and then for some reason (read: Jon) we talked about Formula One.

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#318: Night Terrors!

Thu, 20 May 2021 03:13:47 GMT

Jon, B and a riled-up Stu (1:30) break down the Wild’s first two playoff games, (30:15) pile on everyone else’s bellyaching about unwritten rules, and (41:00) deep-dive into the season of our beloved Fort Wayne Mad Ants. And a little Wolves.

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#316: It's After Bedtime and I Want Hard Drugs

Thu, 13 May 2021 03:15:00 GMT

Jon and B discuss: (2:00) Wild playoff scenarios and outlook, (24:05) we love the Wolves almost as much as we love being wrong, (38:30) we calmly lay out the case to not panic about the Twins yet, jk it is panic time, (47:30) a mini Loons season preview, (53:00) life and work and parenting in a vaccinated world. Jon went all-in on rants, just fyi. A tour de force of dad rants. We are witnessing a legend at the peak of his powers.

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#315: It Works for the Ocean

Sat, 08 May 2021 03:35:23 GMT

Jon and Stu circle up for our monthly podcast, in which we sob about the Twins bullpen, get distracted by the Caps and Rangers instead of talking about the Wild, ignore the Vikings draft so we can talk about Aaron Rodgers, do a tight three minutes on the Wolves because Brandon's not around, complain about the Loons, and get on board with the Lynx being our Team of the Summer. Plus Jon complains for twenty minutes about children's television at the end.

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#314: He Loves When They're Apt

Thu, 15 Apr 2021 14:08:29 GMT

Stu is at the bar! In a sign of what we hope are good things to come, our fully vaccinated co-host Stu went to the Bulldog in St. Paul and recorded an episode on the Sportive Hotline, while drinking Fireball and generally losing it. Brandon and Jon (not fully vaccinated, still at home) joined him to discuss the Twins' scuffles, the Loons' TV contract, and the possibility of A-Rod owning the Timberwolves. Plus we marveled at the sounds of Stu being around people, and Stu did a live play-by-play of forgetting how to exist in the world. Glorious! Glorious.

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#314: A Really Good Shuffler

Thu, 01 Apr 2021 03:50:27 GMT

(1:00) Twins preview including best road trips and Bros & Turds, (53:00) Wild and Wolves check-in, (1:10:00) how do us vax dads start doing normal things again without having panic attacks?

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#312: Look At All These Sons!

Thu, 18 Mar 2021 12:13:20 GMT

ITEMS: (6:00) Pat Peterson signing, (17:15) How’s Hockey Rubio doing?, (25:15) Extremely way too much hoops talk wtf, (52:00) baseball fixes, a new segment called Fashionable Dad Life, best Finnish bands of all time, and so on and so forth.

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#311: Welcome to the Sportive Codpast

Fri, 12 Mar 2021 03:57:12 GMT

(1:00) Twins and minor league rules changes. (30:05) Pitino gone? Pitino gone. (45:00) Wild! (55:02) Dadlife, #hotvaxsummer and assorted odds & ends.

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#310: Inmates Running The Asylum

Thu, 04 Mar 2021 18:56:38 GMT

Jon and Clarence hop on the Sportive Hotline to further discuss the Wild scratching Zach Parise and what it means for the team. Plus: has Wild optimism come to a screeching halt? Is the team trying to trade Parise? Should we worry about Kevin Fiala?

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#309: Laudner Island

Thu, 04 Mar 2021 02:52:35 GMT

Stu and Jon are back for another week of Minnesota sports news. This week, that's mostly twenty minutes of talk about the Wild's decision to scratch Zach Parise from the lineup, a sign that things are bewilderingly different in St. Paul these days. We then cover the bleak basketball scenes in Minnesota, discuss whether the Twins have enough pitching or not - and as an extension, how long of a year it's going to be, waiting for the playoffs to get here - and then talk about Dry Cleaning. That's a band. And then Stu says "rate and subscribe," which is a scary thought.

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#308: He Holds The Serpent's Eye

Fri, 26 Feb 2021 03:59:46 GMT

It's a Hockey Guys episode of the Sportive, as Jon and the artist formerly known as Clarence gather to talk about your Minnesota Wild. Discussed: the wizardry of Kirill Kaprizov, the comfort of the goaltenders moving away from the interstate highway, why Ryan Hartman isn't who we thought he was, why wings are the first basemen of the hockey world, and how the Wild can get Zach Parise going. Plus, Jon gets lost in the weeds on some nonsense college hockey theories.

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#307: Death By Rock Jar

Wed, 24 Feb 2021 04:54:18 GMT

Jon and Poochie (2:00) go long on the pros and cons of the Jim Finks hiring, (33:00) name our weekly segment of finding a forever home for Kirk Cousins, then (50:00) decide the Roaring 20s will begin in earnest with this Twins season.

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#306: The South Dakota of Professional Hockey Teams

Sun, 21 Feb 2021 03:26:35 GMT

Jon and Stu run a two-man show this week. Topics:

The NHL's ongoing battle with the evil sky orb
Trying to keep the Timberwolves talk under five minutes
How to pronounce "Tagovailoa" and why the Vikings can't trade Kirk Cousins
Which Teams Have The Wild Played? An Update
The Jon Marthaler Q&A hour (soccer! Formula 1! Australian Rules Football!)
Stu's Music Thoughts, plus Jon attempts a hot take about Taylor Swift and is murdered
The Steely Dan Future

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#305: Running Out of Sons

Sun, 14 Feb 2021 03:34:28 GMT

(3:00) We daydream about other teams Kirk Cousins could be on next season, (18:00) we up the ridiculousness ante and admit to caring about the Wolves, (37:00) Wild outbreak szn, (51:00) meandering one-offs including beer, parenting, how we’re surviving and when we think life will improve. Against all odds and in the face of reason, we are optimistic.

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#304: The Black Mold of Heavy Head Coaches

Sat, 30 Jan 2021 05:09:17 GMT

We somehow - and no one really knows how or why - begin the podcast with movie reviews? Then (8:15) we bless the impossible Deshaun Watson trade and review the deliciously tragic Packers loss, (32:00) talk hot stove, (52:00) do a tight five on the Wild and for some reason end with the Wolves.

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#303: A Gray Line on the Horizon

Fri, 15 Jan 2021 04:46:59 GMT

We hit on all the misery this week. (1:30) Vikings season wrap and a quick playoff preview, (16:45) Jon tries to convince us to watch Karen Carpenter and the Minnesota Wild, (34:45) B rants about the Wolves and then (49:40) rants event harder about a proposed DH rule. We wrap with (1:01:00) a Dadlife segment and end (1:16:20) by saying goodbye to a friend.

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#302: Comfort Food For the Eyes

Wed, 09 Dec 2020 04:27:39 GMT

Jon and B lament the Loons heartbreaker (0:50), piss and moan about the Vikings AGAIN (34:30), luxuriate in the brilliant idea to trade James Harden to the Wolves (53:00) and then B has his best idea yet on how to save the kids from falling behind in school (1:09:00).

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#301: Flush With Eds

Fri, 04 Dec 2020 04:29:53 GMT

Our world-famous live update segment continues with the Loons playoff game (0:30), B rants about the Vikings again (13:00), then a quick round-the-horn about Rosario, Wolves lineup, NHL plans, etc before (1:04:30) Stu loses his goddamn mind over a discussion about singing drummers. Blame Chicken.

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#300: A Requiem For Chet Haze

Sat, 28 Nov 2020 16:17:15 GMT

THEY SAID IT COULDN’T BE DONE, but in just 19 short years we did 300 episodes. Long-time fans may remember us from such topics as the Vikings being terrible (3:00), the Wild being forgettable (28:30), and Wolves fans being delusional (33:00). Plus a new segment called Rabbit Hole, featuring the insane life of Eric Clapton (42:00). We close out the show with some dad talk. The longest-running podcast in the history of the medium delivers yet again.

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#299: Spanish Freddy Adu

Thu, 19 Nov 2020 05:00:23 GMT

The fellas hoot and holler about the return of Ricky Rubio and then shrug for a few seconds about the rest of the draft, then (25:00) rip the Wild a new one for their throwback jerseys and finally (38:00) a minor bitchfest about the Vikings.

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#298: A Question Mark Colored In By a 4-Year-Old

Thu, 17 Sep 2020 03:51:22 GMT

Jon, Stu and B are back to cover (1:45) the Twins and the new MLB playoff rules, (15:15) Vikings bros & turds, (53:45) a BREAKING and POINTLESS Wild trade, and finally (60:00) the NBA and other assorted thoughts. Just a few bros leaving it all on the field, as we do.

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#297: A Horse Looking Through a Knothole

Fri, 04 Sep 2020 14:04:13 GMT

We started trying to figure out how to turn the Twins season around and it quickly went off the rails. We talked personal meltdowns, Wolves draft picks, sports fixes, youth coaching and who knows what else.

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#296 - ¡Octofinals!

Tue, 28 Jul 2020 04:26:10 GMT

If sports are determined to return in a half-assed way, so are we. (1:15) Baseball is back. Will it last? Do we care? (29:00) Our world-famous “bros & turds” segment. (47:00) the NHL playoff outlook and (1:02:00) a mini TSwift review.

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#295: A Rollercoaster With a High Mortality Rate

Thu, 25 Jun 2020 03:59:07 GMT

Jon, Stu and B cover (1:40) the NBA’s definite, no doubt about it, nothing’s gonna stop us now return, (26:00) “real or fake names of Wisconsin strip clubs” trivia, (39:00) hollering about yet another bad MLB rule change and (47:00) DAD HOBBIES.

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#294: The Polio Hill

Thu, 18 Jun 2020 04:05:42 GMT

B, Jon and Chicken deep-dive on the start of the MLB season. After our standard bitchfest, we propose INCREDIBLE fixes to baseball, then hit on youth sports for a few minutes. Plus we learned to bleep a word, thanks to Jon.

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#293: Early Onset Barreiro-ism

Thu, 14 May 2020 03:06:56 GMT

Agenda: (5:00) the ‘rona is over, go crazy folks, (13:00) when will pro sports be back? (23:40) when will youth sports be back? (39:50) another installment of our famous segment “where is this place?” (51:30) Tales of Stu the Beer Fairy.

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#292: Joey Browner Hands

Thu, 23 Apr 2020 13:07:42 GMT

The foursome returns to (1:00) celebrate the Cabin Beer as the bracket champ and choose their own bracket faves, (28:45) preview the NFL draft, kind of, and (47:00) review the first episodes of The Last Dance. Plus we play our favorite game “Where is this college located?” and threaten to turn it into a full episode.

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291: Do All The Players Even Own Horses?

Thu, 09 Apr 2020 13:35:23 GMT

The whole band’s back together in this one. We (1:00) give a beer bracket update, (29:50) piss and moan about the bad ideas to restart sports and end with (45:00) ideas on how to stay sane. An excellent episode.

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#290: Don't Sleep on the School of Mines

Tue, 07 Apr 2020 18:23:43 GMT

With no Gopher Football spring game this week, the podcast Gopher Football committee (Jon, official Gopher Football expert and brother Dave, and newly-minuted auxiliary Gopher Football expert and brother Shimul) gather to do an all-Minnesota gridiron episode. We review the 2019 season and Remember Some Games, figure out which players return in 2020 and which have moved on, and look forward to next season's schedule. Somewhere in the middle we discover the Jon-American team and which player Shimul is most disappointed in. And because this podcast has Dad Energy, we talk about our kids.

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#289: The Mores and Folkways of Rural Minnesota (v2)

Wed, 01 Apr 2020 18:30:43 GMT

NOTE: Apparently the audio was broken on our earlier attempt at this. Please redownload.

Jon, Stu, and Clarence/Chiken gather to discuss the beer bracket, Edina, Tiger King, the cancellation of Grandma's Marathon (with Mandy), and offer a brief salute to Joe Diffey.

We couldn't do an entire episode without mentioning covid-19, just as no one can talk to anyone right now without discussing viruses, but we hope to soon get back to just yelling at each other.

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Podcasting Is The Original Self-Quarantine

Mon, 16 Mar 2020 01:06:17 GMT

Stu and Mandy check in for a bit from a 950-ft St. Paul apartment that didn't seem that small five days ago. We ran out of sports to talk about at the 10-minute mark.

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#287: A Sock Full of Quarters and a Sawed-off Pool Cue

Thu, 20 Feb 2020 04:12:37 GMT

Sports happened in February? That's new. (0:54) Breaking down all the hell that broke loose for the Wild, (25:38) planning the parade route for Wolves GM Gilda Radner after the Wiggins trade, (37:08) apparently the Astros blowback will never end, and (49:30) big shoutout to former kicker Jason Elam for his brilliant end-of-game hoops strategy. A true visionary.

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#286: The Postman Delivers

Thu, 06 Feb 2020 04:47:22 GMT

Old friend Chicken Fingers returns for some white-hot trade takes. (0:25) Twins trade our sweet boy Buster Gunderson | (35:00) Wolves playing musical chairs with G-leaguers | (1:00:07) Vikings season final bro/turd grades.

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#285: Mayor Of A Town Made Out Of Candy

Thu, 09 Jan 2020 05:26:50 GMT

Our dear friend Chicken Fingers returns! We rank the top 11 Vikings wins in team history to make sense of last week’s victory, then preview the Niners game. Lastly, (52:15) in a new episode of Sports Fixers, Jon has a solve for the NBA.

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#284: Divorced Dad Energy

Fri, 03 Jan 2020 04:16:19 GMT

(0:30) Gopher VICTORY celebraish, (20:05) Vikings/Saints preview, (38:50) Twins offseason plan including the recent arrest of our own Dick Mountain, (50:35) a few minutes on the terrible but entertaining Wolves.

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#283: It's Courtive Time Again

Mon, 16 Dec 2019 00:23:19 GMT

New #Courtive is here. We throw a few pity minutes at the Wolves then run through the rest of the NBA. Contenders, surprises, potential trades, finals predictions, etc. The whole she-bang. Real Courtive-heads (many thousands of them) are in for a treat.

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#282: Fly the Space Needle Home

Thu, 12 Dec 2019 05:34:35 GMT

Sorry for the absence, we just now remembered we have a podcast. (1:00) Jon stays positive about the Gophers, jk (20:00) Vikings check-in, (28:00) B offers up a GENIUS football idea, (37:30) some solid quick-hit bitching about the Twins, Wolves, Wild and home ownership. Everyone was pretty bummed out by the end. We are BABY, baby.

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#281: A Bob Hummel Vibe

Wed, 13 Nov 2019 13:32:52 GMT

Our prayers have been answered. Check it: (0:20) the Gophers delivered the best win of our lifetimes, (31:00) Kirk Cousins finally refrained from soiling himself on national television, (43:35) Andrew Wiggins is New Kobe, and (53:30) the Wild...exist. Can't win em all, but what a week.

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#280: Another Burger Reference

Thu, 24 Oct 2019 03:42:56 GMT

Our football teams are juggernauts, so of course we spent most of our time on the…Wolves? Then (31:00) we decide to believe in the Vikings, (39:30) Jon legitimately gushes — GUSHES — over the Gophers, and finally we end with dadlife, the World Series and the Loons.

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#279: An Elevator Shaft in an Abandoned Hospital

Thu, 10 Oct 2019 03:57:59 GMT

(0:20) funeral for the Twins season, (29:00) are the Vikings good? (44:45) are the Gophers good? (54:24) Stu’s inspiring urban tales of hot-tubbing, tube-riding and garbage-controversy ignoring.

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#278: Kubels All The Way Down

Wed, 18 Sep 2019 02:36:11 GMT

The Greater Minnesota Sportive is back, because Stu's back! He and Jon run through all of the hottest Stu takes that we've missed out on for so long, as well as:

Stu's move to St. Paul
Kirk Cousins's Bad Day At Lambeau
Old-guy road trips through Wisconsin
The Twins bullpen
Gopher Football's "Why The Hell Would You Schedule Them" tour
Mandy drops in to chat while Stu struggles to work the door
The Wild sign Jared Spurgeon
The Loons are in third place
Stu didn't yell at Jon for talking about either of the last two things

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#277: The Butt Fumble Stink

Thu, 05 Sep 2019 04:06:10 GMT

(1:01) Vikings preview including our world-famous Bros/Turds/Wins segment, (51:30) saying goodbye to Twins panic FOR NOW, (1:01:00) debating whether it’s more likely to get a hit in baseball, score an NBA basket or run for a first down.

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#276: The Tomato Is Still Hope

Fri, 23 Aug 2019 04:03:53 GMT

A two-man weave once again as Poochie and The Marth cover: (5:00) Twins midnight-to-six scale, (24:00) Wild GM Billy Guerin first impressions, (37:55) Vikings season preview ughhhhh, (54:40) are we excited about the NFL?

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#275: Count Your Eggs, Not Your Chickens

Fri, 09 Aug 2019 03:41:36 GMT

It’s a Nice Guys episode with Jon and Poochie. Official minutes: (0:30) PANIC TIME, (25:00) Field of Dreams game, (31:00) Wild GM predictions, (58:00) Dadlife.

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#274: Nothing But Eephus

Fri, 02 Aug 2019 04:27:17 GMT

Jon is joined by Gopher football historian and official podcast brother Dave to talk about Paul Fenton being consigned to the Tim Brewster historical bin, Sam Dyson's No Good Horrible Very Bad First Day, and preview the 2019 Gopher Football season. Niche references abound. References to Gopher sports figures from bygone decades abound. They talk a lot about Matt Capps for some reason. In other words: everything you've come to expect from a Marthcast.

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#273: The Third Horseman Is Pestilence

Fri, 12 Jul 2019 15:22:33 GMT

Sportive summer break is over, so Jon and Stu and Clarence are back to talk about:

Therapy time for Twins fans, as we discuss our fears, doubts, and worries about the second half
What is Paul Fenton doing?
Dear University of Minnesota: where's our money
The Women's World Cup, our happy place
Dad life, as old dads Stu and Clarence try to convince Jon that everything is going to be okay and he's going to miss things

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#272: The Full Courtive

Mon, 17 Jun 2019 01:06:45 GMT

Welcome to the new Sportive NBA vertical. B and his hoophead pals go deep on the AD trade and speculate on other offseason happenings. Discussed: Lakers/Pelicans implications, predictions on where the other free agents will sign, and some Wolves chatter.

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#271: The Marthaler Dilemma (LIVE)

Thu, 06 Jun 2019 03:34:53 GMT

Stu, B and some friends gather at Vibe Realty in St Paul for a rare in-person 'sode. Discussed: the incredible Twins, how to trade Wiggins, choosing a new Wild victory song, half-hearted Vikings OTA talk and our pop culture blind spots. Huge thanks to Vibe Realty for hosting us.

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#270: David Boston On The Mound

Thu, 23 May 2019 13:33:29 GMT

Chiken Fingerz is BACK, baby. Topics: (0:45) marveling at the Twins start, (35:00) early report card for Gilda Radner, (51:15) MIAC decision shrug emoji, (58:30) Stanley Cup rooting interest and (1:05:20) quick Vikings OTA chat.

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#269: Covered in Scruples

Thu, 02 May 2019 14:15:20 GMT

The Nice Guys RETURN. (3:40) Wolves new GM reaction, (37:00) Twins boner clock, (48:55) our famous Vikings draft grade.

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#268: Colossally Terrible in Ways That No One Could Have Fathomed

Thu, 18 Apr 2019 04:19:22 GMT

Stu, Jon and B battle through old-man night yawns to talk: (0:45) Twins boner clock, (13:30) playoff hockey + Wild check-in, (24:30) Stu's world-famous Vikings schedule breakdown, (29:30) NBA playoffs, (35:30) the MIAC diaries, (49:00) Dad Life.

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#267: Milt Newton, Wink Patrol

Thu, 11 Apr 2019 12:56:30 GMT

The Nice Guys episode part deux. (1:15) Jon's instant replay rant, (13:20) Twins 6.2% season in review, (31:29) Wolves + playoff teams selections, (55:08) Wild outlook and lottery results.

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#266: Costanza Style

Thu, 04 Apr 2019 03:49:27 GMT

(1:00) Twins 3.1% season in review aka START CHILLING THE BUBBLY, (28:45) Wolves requiem, (37:30) Wild requiem + mid-90s Gophers trivia, (50:40) Loons strugglesville, (59:50) Final Four and Dad Life.

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#265: Have I Seen a Corn Tree?

Thu, 14 Mar 2019 13:25:39 GMT

Our friend Chiken Fingerz returns to the fold as we (1:00) do our famous "bros & turds" segment for the Twins, (32:15) unveil a wonderful new shootout fix, (50:05) semi-rant about Paul Fenton, (56:45) Jon's 3-point plan to fix Gopher hockey, then (69:35) give some dadvice to Jon about raising two kids vs. one.

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#264: A Haunted Fax Machine That's Not Plugged In

Fri, 08 Mar 2019 05:00:33 GMT

(1:00) Twins preview / (18:40) uninterrupted Andrew Wiggins rant / (25:00) Wild rant / (36:00) A meandering hellscape of random topics including Twitter ownage, Sopranos rewatching, something called "hope eggs"???? We went off the rails pretty hard. It's good to be back.

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#263: A Giant Boat Full of Listeria

Thu, 07 Feb 2019 13:47:50 GMT

The boys are back in town to discuss (1:00) proposed MLB rule changes, (31:40) a sports boner clock 'round the horn and (52:10) B's reluctant cruise review. And because we love you, we did not mention the Super Bowl.

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#262: The Elvis Special

Thu, 10 Jan 2019 03:54:26 GMT

Marth & B go deep on the glorious Thibs news (0:30) including many lowlights, a few highlights and predictions on what's next, then (44:30) lose their damn minds about a certifiably insane Rick Spielman quirk.

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#261: Tell 'Em The Bone Sent You

Fri, 04 Jan 2019 04:09:31 GMT

Happy 2019! Jon and Stu are back, and talking about:

Why nobody is being fired at Winter Park
Whether Thibs is going to get fired
How the Wild are (seven minutes of Jon complaining)
How the Twins should, uh, maybe sign some pitching
Getting pumped up for #rowtheboat2019
Seattle recap from Stu
Albums of the year 2018

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#260: Always Wrong, Out Loud, About Everything

Sat, 15 Dec 2018 17:34:16 GMT

Stu B discuss: Zimmer's questionable offensive game-plan, the Wolves, a Christmas wish list knockout round and #dadlife about how to survive Christmas.

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#259: The Monkey Trial Or The Mouthwash

Fri, 07 Dec 2018 05:04:40 GMT

Stu and Jon are back in your ears to talk about:

The Vikings are the sixth-best team in the league, but that's okay, because they're not...
The Packers, who are entertaining us in a way that we only wish there was a German word for
Stu isn't ready to love the Timberwolves again, but it's a long winter
Guess what, the Wild are in the middle of the pack, so Jon explains why fifth is the place to be
The Final Four: it'll be terrible unless you invite us
Dad talk: how do you get through this

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#258: The Johnny Unitas Haircut of Anger

Thu, 15 Nov 2018 05:04:25 GMT

Discussed: (1:45) Butler trade reactions, (26:15) Vikings/Bears preview, (34:40) Mauer retirement, (39:30) yada yada Wild yada yada they're fine (44:25) Gopher pigskin and puck check-ins, (56:00) #dadlife segment: we check in on our rage levels.

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#257: A Square-Jawed Sock Puppet

Sat, 03 Nov 2018 04:09:53 GMT

A Somewhat Special Friday night episode! Jon and Stu are joined by official podcast brother Dave and official podcast wife Mandy to talk Gopher football, Gopher volleyball, Rocco Baldelli, marathons, monorails, and storing beers for years.

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#256: A Men's Suit Filled With Hay

Fri, 19 Oct 2018 04:15:00 GMT

(0:30) uninterrupted laughing at Thibs, (20:55) Are the Vikings back? (31:42) Gophers football check-in (43:00) Mr Puck talks Wild (52:00) You come at the dad kings you best not miss. Bonus: (1:12:00) don't miss Stu's joke re: Post Malone's face. Come to mock, stay to rock.

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#255: 50,000 Watts of Propaganda

Wed, 03 Oct 2018 04:39:46 GMT

(1:00) Paul Molitor remembrance featuring the Boy Geniuses OLE Scale, (21:40) an ode to Joe Mauer, (41:45) Twins bros & turds review, (46:20) the Jimmy Buckets situaish and (58:15) a Wild season preview lightning round.

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#254: Hitting Grandma With a Yuengling

Wed, 19 Sep 2018 13:58:15 GMT

(0:45) The Dan Carlson Disaster + our picks for bros & turds, (48:30) Jon gives his heart to Zack Annexstad, (1:02:00) CF laughs for 15 straight minutes about the Butler/Towns situaish.

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#253 - Never Say the Wink Out Loud

Fri, 07 Sep 2018 12:15:50 GMT

Chiken Fingerz is BACK. (4:15) Vikings preview + our NFL backup teams (54:12) the Buxton situaish (1:02:20) Gopher football (1:09:58) cabin drinking strat (1:17:00) best Stones album

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#252: Leaning Into Your Row (correct file)

Thu, 23 Aug 2018 12:19:02 GMT

Jon and B meet up to mull over the future of football, rooting interests in the MLB playoffs, ridding the world of broadcasters and much tangents in between.

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#251: Electronic Yore

Thu, 16 Aug 2018 04:13:34 GMT

We talk EXTREMELY intelligently about the Vikings preseason game (didn't see it), the Boy Geniuses (can't make up our minds), the Loons (shrug emoji) and eSports (never heard of 'em). In the plus column, we were able to crack 4-5 solid jokes AND gave an earnest shout-out to Lindsay Whalen, so all was not lost. Thanks as always for your patronage.

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#250: Ted & Ed

Thu, 02 Aug 2018 04:14:34 GMT

B, Jon and Stu are BACK. (5:30) We rank Lance Lynn on our most hate-able Twins list during a eulogy for the season. (30:00) What's up with the Vikings and when are we going to give up on the NFL? (49:00) How's Teddy lookin'? (54:30) What TV shows should Jon watch? (62:00) #dadlife about how often we let our kids have screen time.

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#249: Paul Fentons All The Way Down

Fri, 27 Jul 2018 03:05:10 GMT

Jon is joined by local sports knower / brother Dave Marthaler, to talk about the Wild's summer signings, Gopher football's chances this fall, whether we're buying or selling on the Loons, and whether Paul Fenton is running the Twins. Plus: Jose Mourinho is a little man, Rickey Foggie may be coaching somewhere, and we cut out Dave's rants about transportation policy.

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#248: Stoppage Time and Child Dentistry

Thu, 12 Jul 2018 23:38:21 GMT

AND WE'RE BACK. (6:15) Jon's World Cup review + predictions on when the US will win the World Cup, (37:00) the only reason to continue to watch baseball this summer. (44:20) Which Twins will be traded and how many jerseys has Lance Lynn been wearing? Then, (48:45) late LeBron/Lakers reaction + noted twitter user Chiken Fingerz' awful prediction. And finally (55:00) some Dadlife and other assorted nonsense.

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#247: Jackpots and Raccoons

Thu, 14 Jun 2018 02:52:54 GMT

World Cup preview (9:00), an NHL/NBA grab-bag (37:00) and we end with Poochie being deservedly shat upon for an awful DadLife decision (57:00). He is truly the dumbest of all time.

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#246: Montana Jon's 5-Star Locks

Thu, 31 May 2018 03:43:16 GMT

(0:40) We try and fail to talk ourselves off the ledge about Buxton, (14:20) review proposed rule changes from an interview with Rob Manfred, (40:30) a quick review of the ridiculous Bryan Colangelo saga, (44:30) Jon chooses his Stanley Cup allegiance and (49:50) our famous #dadlife bit, this week featuring coaching and potty training.

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#245: The Humbling Comes For Us All

Thu, 24 May 2018 02:42:59 GMT

Stu and Jon get back on the podcast horse and talk about Thibs' desire to ruin the franchise, the NBA playoffs, the impossibility of the Vegas Golden Knights (and why we still hate them!), the Twins' impossible-to-name-roster, the Lynx, and the Loons. Plus: Surly updates so that Jon could buy some time to talk about the Loons!

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#244: A Russell Stover's Sampler of Wild Pitches

Thu, 03 May 2018 13:16:58 GMT

Whole gang back for this one. (0:30) Mrs. Spielman joins us to break down the Vikings draft. (31:12) Wolves season in review: there all is aching. (41:15) Wild: 4 ideas to turn this thing around? (59:30) Twins: when will the pain go away?

(1:07:00) Brandon gets roasted for his pathetic reluctance to coach his kid's baseball team. He deserves it.

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#243: The Long Bar Graph Of Minnesota Sports Failure

Thu, 26 Apr 2018 02:43:30 GMT

In this episode:

*The Wolves gave up 50 points in a quarter

*The Wild need to fire everyone

*The Twins can't do anything well

*The NFL Draft doesn't matter much when your team has the 30th pick

*The Loons have struggled (but Stu has some marketing copy to read)

*We're here for the Lynx

*Improbably, also the Windchill

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#242: A Lot of Chaff to Get to the Wheat

Thu, 19 Apr 2018 02:58:59 GMT

B, Jon and Stu convene at SPU to give a eulogy for the Wild and Wolves, whine about being dads and celebrate Stu's local award from his twitter dot com prowess.

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#241: Claudia! Rotate!

Thu, 12 Apr 2018 04:06:41 GMT

Late-night emergency shortive: (1:00) the Wild loss and (11:45) the Wolves play-in-game win (ed: fact-check needed to confirm this is real life). Later (25:00 or so) a quick round-the-horn on the Twins and MLB.

A red-hot 45 minutes of emotional chatter, just for you.

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#240: Keep the Turds Together

Thu, 29 Mar 2018 04:12:33 GMT

(0:30) TWINS PREVIEW. Boy Geniuses status, bros, turds and wins predictions | (45:25) Bob Motzko reaction | (53:30) Ugh more Thibs gripes, sorry | (58:55) Wild playoff outlook

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#239: A Walking Chicken Soup For The Soul Book

Thu, 22 Mar 2018 03:43:54 GMT

Err'body in attendance for this one. Great ep, one of our best.

(1:15) the Polanco situaish and many unanswered 'roids questions | (15:00) we throw down odds on the new Gopher puck coach and requisite Big 10 bashing | (49:00) requesting a strategic tank from the Wild | (53:00) continued Thibs hate despite the team's record | (62:00) Vikings Concerns With ChikenFingerz69. What would he do as GM?

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A Handsome Airport Windsock

Fri, 09 Mar 2018 23:59:25 GMT

(Updated audio file.)

We welcome anonymous twitter user "ChikenFingerz69" to the show and the results are [unintelligble mumbling]. Discussed: (1:30) why do we hate Kirk Cousins? | (19:45) - we also hate the Derrick Rose signing and Thibs and everything | (33:40) - a brief ode to Eric Staal | (46:50) - HS hockey rootability rankings | (56:10) - college hoops scandal nonsense + Jon's new book.

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#237: It Lingers on the Tongue

Thu, 22 Feb 2018 13:44:51 GMT

After a few minutes yelling at the clouds, we (9:45) try to list a single person on the US men's hockey squad, (15:30) discuss the Twins trade for Jackie Onassis, (35:00) sigh about the Wild trade options and (48:00) end with dad life questions about when after-work family time WON'T be the worst part of our lives. Shocking episode twist: Clarence couldn't make it.

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#236: Death Rides a Teal Minivan

Thu, 08 Feb 2018 13:48:50 GMT

(0:00) Super Bowl reactions + is the NFL going to be fun from now on? [Pause for laugh track] (24:30) Is gambling going to be legal soon? (34:30) Our world-famous MN sports boss rankings, and (53:05) we finish with Jon's half-hearted Olympics preview. Spoiler: we like curling and that's about it.

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#235: Cheating-Ass Combine

Sun, 28 Jan 2018 19:48:01 GMT

Brandon, Stu, and Jon gather around the table to talk about yet another Vikings NFC Championship Game loss, the future of the team, why we do this to ourselves, why bad things happen, etc. After an hour, we also move onto other topics:

56:07 – Prepared statement from Clarence about his Twitter suspension

1:05:23 – Timberwolves: Fun!

1:10:57 – Twins Torque Meter, and eulogizing Glen Perkins’ career

1:17:56 – UGH, FINE: Super Bowl picks

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#234: Not Unlike a Chinese Finger Trap

Thu, 18 Jan 2018 13:28:20 GMT

DIGGS DIGGS DIGGS DIGGS DIGGS DIGGS DIGGS DIGGS Keenum Zimmer Shurmur DIGGS DIGGS DIGGS Eagles predictions Super Bowl thoughts DIGGS DIGGS DIGGS DIGGS DIGGS

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#233: Mr. Puck? This is Dr. Crease.

Thu, 11 Jan 2018 04:39:06 GMT

Stu, Jon, and Brandon recorded a good 90 minutes of audio, approximately 45 of which actually were recorded by everyone involved.

Topics:

0:00 - Recapping what was lost in the first, never-to-be-heard half of the podcast

7:00 - The Wolves are suddenly amazing, Jeff Teague was hurt, let's blame him for everything

18:09 - Jon takes the floor to complain about Minnesota United, is shouted down

23:15 - Dad Life: You can't hope to be happy, only proud

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#232: If It's Good Enough for Fraizh It's Good Enough For Me

Sun, 31 Dec 2017 03:28:14 GMT

Stu and B do a deep 90 at a mall bar. Half hour on the Vikes, 15 minutes on the Wolves and then (whoops 3 beers deep now) we talk sexual harassment, how to raise kids, 2017 in review, white dad guilt, Whole 30 and a whole other mess of stuff. We had a damn blast on this one. Enjoy?

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#231: Barry Alvarez and a '78 Buick Regal

Thu, 14 Dec 2017 13:45:56 GMT

(3:45) Vikings: it's going to end badly, but how? | (25:45) Twins Boy Geniuses check-in | (45:30) Clarence and Poochie demand hoops-related apologies. Neither receives one. | (1:01:00) RIP Wild and Gophers hoops followed by a curmudgeonly #dadlife Christmas-hating segment.

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If Pokemon Was Jeff Sessions

Thu, 30 Nov 2017 13:51:18 GMT

(2:00) Vikings. Why is Case good? Who will be the QB next year?

(36:00) Wolves. Why does this team frustrate us? Then we pledge allegiance to TEAM TYUS.

(45:00) That weird-ass Gophers 5-on-3 game and Fleck Era Year 1 review (we're optimistic!)

(62:00) Dadlife: Real or fake Christmas trees?

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#229: Gavin Rossdale Is a Snack

Sat, 18 Nov 2017 03:55:39 GMT

The boys aren't back in town, so Mandy and her husband Stu discuss the surprisingly important Vikings/Rams game, give advice to first-time parents, and wonder what People Magazine is up to with this Blake Shelton business.

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#228: Highly Sexual and Also Terrifying

Thu, 09 Nov 2017 05:17:48 GMT

(3:30) | TEDDY!

(22:45) | The Wild: they bad

(29:00) | Trying to love the Wolves

(46:10) | Footie chat

(50:00) | harrowing Dad Life check-in

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#227 - He Enjoys a Good Portage

Wed, 25 Oct 2017 05:00:00 GMT

(0:00) Why did we stop caring about the NFL?

(20:15) Jon tells us of the worst football game he's ever seen

(33:45 The Wolves played one fun game but they suck again

(41:00) World Series chatter + Justin Verlander fun facts

(54:06) Loons season recap

(62:05) Wild check-in

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#225: The Oklahoma of California

Thu, 12 Oct 2017 12:53:56 GMT

This episode had everything: the soccer choke job, Tesla fun facts (band not car), strangling cats, Vikings QB situaish, metal leg rods, sandbars, Wild and Wolves previews, "Simple Man" shout-out and more.

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#225: Stu & Josh's Outstate Chronicles, pt 2

Fri, 22 Sep 2017 13:51:48 GMT

Our hayseed contingent gathered in a barn to hoot-n-holler about the Twins, Buxton, Garth, and the upcoming SJU-UST game.

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#224: The In-House Hatred Expert

Thu, 21 Sep 2017 13:01:25 GMT

We start out with a good ol-fashioned shouting match about the Boy Geniuses, then (38:30) move on to happier times and bitch about how the Vikings QB situaish has ruined our lives. Next (58:10) Poochie is trolled about the Wolves alt unis for some reason, and ending with confirmation that the Wild still suck. Good group session. Feels good to let it all out.

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#223: Oppo Dong in the Biz

Thu, 31 Aug 2017 03:29:45 GMT

Live show! B, Stu and Jon pilot some new mics and discuss:- #BuxChubs- Mayweather/McGregor recap- Gophers football preview- DADLIFE: sending kids to college, how to not be obsessed, why tf have a second kid

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#222: Table Talk

Thu, 17 Aug 2017 13:00:17 GMT

1min - Are the Vikings Super Bowl contenders? Plus our widely hated over/under guessing game on wins.25min - Do we regret the Twins giving up?36min - Glen Taylor on the ELI Scale + Wolves unis review48min - A *heated* high-top vs low-top table debate (real-time feedback from Stu: "that was the worst bit I've ever heard")We're sorry. Next week will definitely be better, probably.

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#221: A Song About a City

Thu, 10 Aug 2017 12:50:03 GMT

FULL-STRENGTH SQUAD for the first time in forever. Discussed:0:00 / Clarence's Hot Corner.20min / How are the Boy Geniuses' deadline deals going?31min / Jon's review of The Ocho44min / DADLIFE

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#220 - Misery Distribution System

Thu, 03 Aug 2017 05:00:00 GMT

3min - Twins deadline deals

21min - Should Teddy hang it up? Will Rick finally get canned?

38min - Wild in purgatory

43min - baseless Kyrie trade talk

51min - Listener mail: Gold Cup, golf, corncobs and the most Sportive MIAC team

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#219: The Beaver Looms, and the Lightning Strikes

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 05:00:00 GMT

0-35min | our hotly anticipated Vikings training camp preview

35-55min | Jim Garcia trade review

55ish-end | FJM concert, our picks for song of the summer and other nonsense

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#218: The Whizzinator of Bat Corking

Fri, 07 Jul 2017 03:24:24 GMT

GREAT EPISODE despite our spirit animal/co-host Clarence no-showing us again. Discussed:(0-25min) Wolves got a lot better and WE ARE LIVID ABOUT IT(25-40min) Jon explains the NHL expansion draft shenanigans(41-66min) Will Sano hit 40 bombs? Will Dozier hit more homers than Rosario walks? How many wins will they get? Those answers + more in our rest-of-season predictions bit.

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#217: Hello, Neumans

Fri, 30 Jun 2017 14:00:12 GMT

Stu was the only host available this week, so he roped in The Comely Mrs Stu for pert near an hour of sports-ish content.

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#216: BUTLERRRRRRRRRRR

Fri, 23 Jun 2017 04:48:52 GMT

B and a substitute co-host break down the Jimmy Butler trade. How he fits in, how many wins he adds, whether or not we'll miss LaVine and Dunn blah blah yada yada WE GOT BUTLER.

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#215: The Charging Grandpa

Thu, 15 Jun 2017 12:50:00 GMT

(1m-21m) We are the ONLY media members to question the draft strategy of the Twins boy geniuses

(21m-27m) Did the Vikings start practicing yet? A short investigation

(28m-33m) Mound-charging strat

(33min-end) NHL and NBA finals reviews PLUS Clarence unsuccessfully trolling B about LeBron

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#214 - You Get Embarrassed Before You Get Full

Thu, 08 Jun 2017 23:59:38 GMT

0:00 | TWINS TALK. Trying to make chicken salad out of the pitching staff + continued pre-fury about Hunter Greene36:30 | Head scratcher over a future NHL draftee57:30 | Clarence's shitty impersonation 3.01:10:00 | In honor of our friend Michael Rand's triumphant 15-taco lunch, we each select the food we could eat the most of. B's selection was met with disgust and anger.

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#213: Hrbek-Based Gaslighting

Thu, 01 Jun 2017 13:31:27 GMT

0-22min | Twins: Buxton, pitching woes, preparing for the collapse22-34min | Stanley Cup update35-65min | DAD LIFE: we just barely avoid collapsing into emotional puddles

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#212: The Outstate Chronicles

Wed, 31 May 2017 12:40:54 GMT

Stu and friend of the podcast/chip judge Josh record a show among the hayseeds. Discussed: Twins, Zim, a farming/crossfit quiz, flaming couches and Waylon Jennings deep cuts.

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#211: Hot And Ready for Five Bucks Arena

Fri, 19 May 2017 03:59:39 GMT

Stu and B run dat two-man game again. Discussed:- Berrios!- Our friend Parker committing light treason- Getting old sucks- Why B hates the Warriors- Eulogies for Ailes and Cornell (spoiler alert: we are HAPPY about one of the deaths and SAD about another. Tune in to solve the mystery.)

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#210: Pure Uncut Colombian Nonsense

Thu, 11 May 2017 23:23:22 GMT

We got the whole band back together! 1:30 | Making chicken salad out of the Vikings draft22:30 | Buxton MVP tracker and a Jose Berrios eulogy45:00 | Clarence's plans for the NBA draft lottery1:01:00 | Are the Loons good now?

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#209: The One Where Stu Talks To Himself

Fri, 05 May 2017 12:39:14 GMT

Stu was the only one available this week and he soldiered on alone for a 20-minute monologue. The show's editor is posting this without listening first, so no one but Stu knows the contents. God help us all.

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#208: The Borscht Is Poison

Wed, 26 Apr 2017 22:23:31 GMT

Jon and Stu meet up at Surly to discuss:* The NFL Draft and how the Vikings will screw it up* The end of the Wild season* Russell Westbrook* Vadim Demidov and the rest of the MLS salaries* Byron Buxton* The Official Beer of Summer

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#207: Embrace the Maritimes

Wed, 19 Apr 2017 12:41:17 GMT

(0:00) Wild in-series review and disappointment level(25:25) Theories on why everyone hates Joe Mauer + the weekly Buxton MVP Tracker(45:45) B drafts an NBA playoff team for everyonePlus some takeage on "The Americans" at the end. Listen and learn, friends.

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#206: Compromise the Yeast

Sat, 15 Apr 2017 01:12:01 GMT

Stu and B talk:- Wild game one review- VERY IMPORTANT GUIDE: How to watch hockey- Buxton's current MVP ranking (~630)- A quick Wolves/Thibs season review- Spirit Airlines: the dollar store of the sky

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#205: Who Doesn't Like Old Band-Aids

Wed, 12 Apr 2017 02:15:24 GMT

Jon and Stu return to Surly to talk about Surly, but also about: - A Wild playoff preview- The Twins' seven-game review- Trevor Winter's new job- Stu's Annual Best Of St. Cloud AwardsIn conclusion: Xtra-Citra. Thank you.

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#204: Turds All the Way Down

Fri, 31 Mar 2017 22:28:26 GMT

45ish minutes of a Twins preview including a HOT Stu prediction, followed by a truly awful set of Wild questions from B and an even awfuler Towns take from Clarence. Firing on all cylinders over here. Tell your friends.

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#203: Hooray For Less Shame

Thu, 23 Mar 2017 00:15:47 GMT

Stu and Jon discuss: - Stu's profuse apologies about the Wild- A brief Gopher hoops postmortem- Twinselsong- [Loon noise]- The latest Vikings disaster- Stu's Second Act

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#202: Thwarted By a Talking Dog

Thu, 16 Mar 2017 12:32:43 GMT

0:45 | Gopher bucket preview using the patented Sportive Torque Meter(r)
13:11 | Poor Jon is asked to talk about the Loons
23:18 | CROSS-SPORT TALKER: which is in worse shape, the Twins starting staff or Vikings offensive line?
27:30 | Twins trivia
39:45 | Jon predicts when the Wolves will win the championship
48:15 | Clarence's shitty impression

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#201: Glorifying Shambles

Thu, 09 Mar 2017 13:49:40 GMT

- Time to disband the Loons?- State tourney hockey hair: still a thing?- Clarence apologizes to Thibs- Why does the Big 10 hoops tourney exist?- PJ Fleck: good crazy or bad crazy? We land on a hard-fought compromise

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#200: Little Boy Blue and the Man in the Moon

Fri, 03 Mar 2017 04:18:08 GMT

Jon, Stu, and Clarence gather for a Poochie-free celebration of Episode 200. TOPICS, listed by person: 0:00 - Harry Chapin3:45 - Adrian Peterson16:00 - Derek Falvey24:00 - Gopher hoops (!)30:20 - Mr. Puck46:00 - The United season is upon us51:00 - A special thank-you to the listeners54:00 - A special gift to the listeners

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#199: Sliding Dorks

Thu, 23 Feb 2017 03:30:52 GMT

We're back at Surly to talk about our two reactions to the Ricky Rubio trade/non-trade (depending on the results), the odd behavior of the Loons, hockey bye weeks, Gopher basketball, major league baseball, and the Dad Oscars, also known as the Movie Neumys, also known as the MooNeums.

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#198: I've Got the Most Egg

Thu, 16 Feb 2017 13:52:24 GMT

Stu called in sick but the rest of us covered:1:10 - The Twins are a 1982 Tercel (this makes sense)24:00 - Clarence's shitty impressions31:30 - Boudreau is child of satan35:24 - Gopher hoops: tourney bound?42:00 - grab bag: Wild, AP on the Packers, Clarence's heartfelt apology to Beyonce and more

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#197: The Bone Blind Spot

Thu, 09 Feb 2017 03:17:03 GMT

The newly-minted Unsanctioned Official Podcast of Surly Brewing dropped by Surly, the busiest place on Planet Earth, to discuss: the Super Bowl, the Wild, the Twins "Process", the Wolves, the Loons' lack of marketing, 1990s rap music, murder mysteries, whether Chip and Joanna Gaines are more popular than NASCAR, and other such wildly popular topics.

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#196: Two Beta Cucks Checking in on the Sports

Thu, 02 Feb 2017 14:30:30 GMT

Light on topics, heavy on tangents:3:35 - Who to root for in the super bowl17:00 - Stu's murder mystery weekend26:50 - National signing day42:00 - Wild + best all-star games1:06:00 - Clarence hating on Bey againPlus lots of laughs. Tune in and win.

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#195: I Never Hated Steve Grogan

Thu, 26 Jan 2017 03:18:55 GMT

A rare in-studio episode! Discussed:2:05 -- Getting pre-furious over the trade of our favorite adult son Ricky Rubio21:00 -- Brandon fails at defending his Patriots fandom26:00 -- Wild: good or lucky? Plus a few more amazing hockey fixes40:10 -- Mourning the Dozier non-trade50:30 -- Lightning round: Gophers, Loons, Stu's new gig

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#194: The Curse of the Millennial Pants

Fri, 20 Jan 2017 05:09:01 GMT

1:30 - Who do we most want off the Vikings roster?7:15 - Stu's tips on how to hate the Packers28:00 - When should we start getting mad at the Twins boy wonders?33:00 - Wild parade route planning with Mr. Puck38:30 - Wolves FAQs including Rubio rumors and whether or not we're still Wiggins haters (we are)48:45 - Stu's Storytime. DO NOT miss this.

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#193: Golden Gophers Praise Shower

Wed, 11 Jan 2017 05:17:08 GMT

[1:00] FLECK TIME[20:30] Besides Chocolate Thunder, who else on the Wild is good?[35:20] B narrowly avoids a mental breakdown discussing the Wolves. We also discuss the MN athletes who have driven us the most insane.[47:00] NFL playoffs divisional round previewSorry about the puns.

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#192: Everything is Random, and the Only Constant Is Death; Eat At Arby's

Thu, 05 Jan 2017 04:26:50 GMT

Amidst the warm, cozy surroundings of Insight Brewing, Stu and Jon fought through microphone problems and talked about: - Firing Tracy Claeys- The Wild's season so far- Brandon's Unabomber Wolves Manifesto- Weekend plans

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#191: Carrying Water for Schisms

Thu, 29 Dec 2016 13:55:47 GMT

(1:00) Gopher football controversy(22:00) List: local coach most likely to get fired(27:00) Another of our notorious Zimmer debates(47:30) Do we believe in the Wild yet?(68:00) Dad Life: how long can you hold off putting your kids in organized sports?

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#190: The Desolation Enthusiast's Desolation

Thu, 22 Dec 2016 05:02:53 GMT

Stu and Jon go it alone, make it through about 40 minutes worth of sports, and then just give up and babble for 20 minutes. Topics: Manhattan, Kansas; Wyoming; Four Peaks Brewing and Christmas movies; the state of Montana. Also we mentioned Gopher football and the Wild and the Wolves and (sigh) the Vikings in there too.

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#189: We Got the Juice

Fri, 16 Dec 2016 05:27:53 GMT

We lost 20 minutes of Gopher athletics hot takes to the Recording Gods, but were able to salvage:- Is Spielman on the hot seat?- A tribute to the late Bob Schnelker with a reading of the Jerry Burns rant- Is the Wild hot start sustainable?- Who is B blaming for the Wolves this week?

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#188: War Crimes On Our Ears

Fri, 09 Dec 2016 05:12:32 GMT

It's a rare "Cool Guys" episode featuring the two-man lineup of B and Stu. Discussed:[1:14] Vikes: fansplaining, injuries and a midseason Bros & Turds[20:00] How to get through this Wolves season (spoiler: shruggy guy emoticon)[28:00] How long is the leash for the new Twins brain-trust?[40:06] The Grammys, The Neumys, the Poochies and the worst songs of the year[61:05] Dad Life: when does playtime stop being the worst?

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#187: Rehab That Cornea

Fri, 02 Dec 2016 00:24:56 GMT

Discussed:0:00 | Things that suck: the Vikings, eye surgeries, Bill Beavers, Kevin Lynch, US Bank cronies, everything involved with or related to the Wolves, (Slight detour to give advice to Wolves fans on how to survive the season), haters hatin' on Hinkie, Leidner, Tracy Claeys and the Minnesota Wild56:00 | Things that don't suck: our promised deep-dive on the new Gilmore Girls

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#186: You Have to do the Butt Shakers

Wed, 23 Nov 2016 17:00:29 GMT

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#185: Hatred, Fear, and the Vikings Offensive Line

Sat, 12 Nov 2016 04:36:02 GMT

Brandon and Jon gathered at Legends to go through Brandon's ten questions of doom. Four of them were about the Vikings, at least one was about the Twins. Aspersions, related to Norv Turner and Ricky Rubio, were cast. Plus: How much would you have to be paid to watch Gopher hoops?

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#184: Election Special

Mon, 07 Nov 2016 03:21:23 GMT

Fair warning: We talk politics. We don't stick to sports. If you don't wish to hear that, go ahead and delete this. David Brauer joins Brandon, Jon, and Stu, and special guests Zach Floyd and Joey White appear.

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#183: The Self-Aware Red Ass

Fri, 28 Oct 2016 14:29:34 GMT

Seven questions asked and answered this episode:- What's up with this stuffed animals massacre situaish?- Do we care that the NFL ratings have gone in the toilet?- Vikings v Bears predictions?- Are we OK with the impending Thad Levine hire?- Why would anyone (Clarence) root against the Cubs?- Wolves season wins prediction?- Are we ready to get excited about the Wild yet?Apologies for some intermittent audio issues, we are committing for the 183rd time to improve on them very soon.

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#182: The Panic Becomes a Dull Ache

Thu, 20 Oct 2016 15:28:10 GMT

(0:45) How to jersey-troll(7:50) Vikings/Eagles preview(20:45) Jon's Tracy Claeys non-apology(30:52) MLB playoffs rooting order (including a sweet Oregon Trail analogy)(39:00) Introducing a new segment: dramatic readings of sports rants. This week: Lee Elia(43:52) Wild thoughts + a Phil Kessel and Auston Matthews explainer(57:10) Dad chat

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#181: A Slate Article That Came to Life

Fri, 14 Oct 2016 13:52:53 GMT

0:34 | Why/how are the Vikings so good? Are we ready to apologize for hating the Sam trade? Plus B offers a medium-hot take about Norv.42:48 | How long is Tracy Claeys' leash?57:45 | MLB playoffs, Wild opener, Stu explains "mowmen"

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#180: The Marthaler Cup

Fri, 07 Oct 2016 14:03:36 GMT

1:15 - We are still complaining about the Vikings35:15 - MLB playoffs backup teams44:05 - Half-assed Wild preview54:10 - Lucia extension, Wolves, the invention of the Marthaler Cup, dad chat

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#179: We Got Pratt Attached

Thu, 29 Sep 2016 13:50:48 GMT

All four hosts are dialed in to discuss:-We find a way to complain about the Vikes-Dossier on presumed new Twins head honcho Dick Fosbury-Gophers, Lynx, Wolves, Wild-Dad chat!

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#178: Gram That Hole

Thu, 22 Sep 2016 04:01:05 GMT

One of our best despite the absence of our heart & soul Stu. Discussed:3:35 - Kalil, AP, Bradford's peak, Blair Walsh forgiveness status39:25 - Twins GM updates + early MLB draft outlook (warning: absolutely filthy language as per standard Clarence/B conversation)47:30 - Vegas' bullish Wolves wins prediction and Clarence's trolling plan once it all falls apart57:40 - Clarence's recent potato/pizza conundrum

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#177: No One Wants to Eat Ed Asner

Thu, 15 Sep 2016 03:52:13 GMT

- Vikings: Titans wrap-up/Packers preview- WE HAVE OPINIONS ABOUT BLAIR WALSH- Gopher football: are they good?- Some healthy ranting about why no one wants the Twins job- Nashville review

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#176. Depths of an Ether Binge: Vikings 2016 Season Preview

Fri, 09 Sep 2016 03:45:36 GMT

Stu and Brandon (plus Clarence for a few angry minutes!) gripe for pert near an hour about the sad state of the Vikings. Bradford. Bros & Turds. Wins predictions. Grumbling. More grumbling. This is your Vikings season preview.

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#175: It Will Make Death Easier

Wed, 31 Aug 2016 03:19:30 GMT

(1:35) TED :((28:45) Gopher football preview: new coach, offense/defense, strength of schedule, wins predictions and more

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#174: That Prosthetic Leg Moonshine

Fri, 26 Aug 2016 02:45:49 GMT

The Best Friends Talking show (that's just Jon and Stu this week) had the following topics to cover: 3:00 - #Bridgewatergate27:30 - Jon Ruins a Twins Pop Quiz36:25 - MLS Talk55:30 - There are no heroes left (Sam Jacobson Update)

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#173: The Soft Bigotry of Bro Expectations

Tue, 16 Aug 2016 13:50:41 GMT

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#172: The Highest Level of Tickling

Thu, 11 Aug 2016 14:30:20 GMT

Good group sesh this week. Listen in as B, Jon and Stu discuss:2:30 | US Bank stadium review + Barnwell's Teddy B breakdown37:50 | we miss our #Buxchub + defending Sano1:02:10 | Olympics breakdown1:10:00 | NDSU is just as dumb as us!

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#171: Don't Short-Change the Beav

Tue, 02 Aug 2016 13:55:09 GMT

- Honest-to-god breakdown of Twins trades- (36:00) Vikings training camp early chatter- (46:15) Dragging Chris Sale- (54:15) Chelsea FC preview + Sportive Recommends grab-bag

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#170: Explosive in the Haunches

Tue, 19 Jul 2016 03:31:44 GMT

Single-topic shortive (featuring our famous audio issues): Stu, Jon and B gripe about the bizarre press conference following the Terry Ryan firing. We agree this will probably cheer you up somewhere between 2 and 10%. It's the best we could do.

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#169: Michael Rand is Number One

Wed, 13 Jul 2016 04:06:52 GMT

0:00 | Hey, the Twins are kinda fun again19:00 | Extremely inappropriate tangent about former hopeful Vikings owners26:30 | We yell at our friend Rand for his Teddy B ranking36:00 | Olympic preview including our gymnastics picks to click56:00 | We learned the hard way: don't karaoke "Steal My Sunshine"

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#168: Harold Stassen's America

Fri, 08 Jul 2016 02:11:36 GMT

Official podcast brother Dave Marthaler joined us this week, as we talk about the following:--Is Kevin Durant worse than LeBron?--Is Sam Hinkie the world's biggest doofus? (Reprise)--Dave's Hateful Twins Stats (Twins midseason review)--Mitch Leidner: Has everyone gone crazy?--Ask Sportive: The best foods off the grill

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#167: Going To The Fun Zone

Wed, 29 Jun 2016 11:20:35 GMT

Stu, Brandon, and Jon met up in the western suburbs to record a podcast and get stared at by softball teams who were drinking hard on a Tuesday. Topics:* Kris Dunn, and whether Brandon's going to burn the city to the ground* The Twins: trade everyone or fire everyone?* The Great Baseball Road Trip: Kearney and other points of interest* Speeding up the game of baseball* CURLING UPDATE* The Lynx lost twice in a row

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#166: Be the Jurgy You Want to See in the World

Tue, 21 Jun 2016 03:45:23 GMT

0:00 | Cavs recap29:20 | Copa: US-Arg preview, Jurgy status and more41:18 | Fair-weather Wolves fan draft preview52:00 | Chuck Klosterman midpoint book review

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#165: Nothing But Gord

Thu, 16 Jun 2016 04:14:45 GMT

Brandon abandoned us, as did Clarence, and Jon showed up late after a soccer game. It was, in a word, a two-man show. Discussed:- The NBA Finals- The NHL in Las Vegas- Whether we should be talking about the Minnesota Lynx (NOTE: lots of guilt in this segment)- The Sportive Recommends Albums To Buy- The biggest whiner at the U.S. Open this week

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#164: Getting Pre-Furious

Fri, 10 Jun 2016 13:46:10 GMT

It's an epside of The Straight Men (just Jon & B with no comic relief) as the two discuss:0:00 | We play a round of "Will It Happen?" with Twins projections37:35 | Brandon is the #1 Ricky Rubio defender58:00 | NBA finals check-n1:10:00 | Stanley Cup check-in1:15:00 | What's next for USMNT?

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#163: Your Divorced Dad's Adult Roommate

Thu, 02 Jun 2016 04:19:43 GMT

1:00 | Why do Jon and B hate the Warriors? Bonus: B goes full Bayless and doubles down on his Klay hatred 18:00 | Who we should cheer for in the NHL playoffs? Plus a new feature where Clarence tells us a story of one of the many times he told someone to GFY39:30 | Soccer CONCACAF tourney preview, aka the segment which inspires Jon to quit60:00 | AskSportive segment: Gopher scandal predictions, best arcade games and more. Thanks to all for the questions.

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#162: The Summer of Puttering

Thu, 26 May 2016 04:13:49 GMT

0:00 | Ugh Twins again, sorry19:20 Blair Walsh predictions/bets 37:00 | Clarence guesses players on the Raptors49:45 | Sportive explains: legislature! An illuminating segment53:00 | Sportive explains: runza55:00 | Lightning round: potato salads POV, weekend preview, cabin etiquette tips

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#161: Beans for Breakfast

Thu, 19 May 2016 04:15:16 GMT

Jon's back! We welcome his return stateside by talking:0:00 | Wolves draft scouting report21:00 | Twins ugghhhhhhh40:00 | Catching Jon up on the local jackassery including Pitino, Coyle, et al59:00 | Jon's belated Vikes draft complaints

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#160: Ditch to Ditch Mentality

Thu, 12 May 2016 04:22:24 GMT

Supershow! Clarence and Brandon discuss:0:00 | Our theories on why Coyle took the job28:30 | B'Dro hiring and the Wild's ceiling51:30 | Clarence's theory on why the C is important59:30 | A tense moment as Brandon gets threatened by Clarence's attorney regarding the #team2016 trollingThere was also a Dire Straits tangent in there if that's your thing.

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#159: Goober Onslaught

Thu, 05 May 2016 04:08:06 GMT

B, Stu and Clarence discuss the following:0:00 | Vikings draft review (now with restraint!)49:00 | Leicester City breakdown plus an update on our future footie coverage 55:00 | Our official Wild/Boudreau POV59:00 | #Team2016 check-in (wince face)1:04:00 | Does any sports town have it worse than us?

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#158: Half-Watcher, Ironic Shouter and Cat Owner

Fri, 29 Apr 2016 04:46:12 GMT

NFL draft expert and full-time vape bro Aaron Gleeman joins us for episode 159. If you're looking for HARD-HITTING VIKINGS DRAFT ANALYSIS...you should look elsewhere. We pressed record too early and did 2+ hours of pre-pick tap-dancing with topics including pick predictions, Aaron's book, cigarettes, Prince, the Tibs signing and more. Enjoy the tangents, friends.

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#157: This Is What It Sounds Like When Dudes Cry

Fri, 22 Apr 2016 04:13:44 GMT

Stu and Brandon console each other over the death of the one and only Prince. He was the best. We share stories about discovering his music and try our best to explain his mystique.

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#156: Like a Dog Bowl

Thu, 21 Apr 2016 04:27:58 GMT

3:00 | Wolves hooowwwwwwwwwllllllllll11:30 | Who convinced Glen Taylor to change his ways? We debate the most likely candidates.30:30 | Our famous annual "9.3% of the way through the Twins season review" featuring what we know vs. what we think41:00 | Asking again: why is Joe Mauer playing first base?55:40 | Wild temp check1:08:30 | Jon's going to England! We celebrate by making up our own soccer theme songs

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#155: You're Distracting Me With My Desire

Wed, 13 Apr 2016 04:10:18 GMT

0:00 | Wild playoff preview deeeeeeeeep sigh22:35 | Shout out to Seattle25:40 | 4.3% Twins season in review. What are we legitimately concerned about? (Spoiler: a lot)52:18 | Shout out to Boston55:30 | Wolves season recap. Mitchell, KAT and an #AskSportive about if the org will mess up this team's bright future? (spoiler: yeah)1:10:00 | Sturgill album review

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#154: Poop Stadiums and Danny Valencia

Thu, 07 Apr 2016 04:33:06 GMT

0:00 HINKIE. A huge and inappropriate amount of laughter at Brandon's expense for daring to believe in the mistreated visionary/vampire Samuel Hinkie.17:50 Wolves. We predict the % chance Newton/Mitchell are back next year.32:50 Wild. Sustained groans as we decide if and to what extent we'll be rooting on this pack of losers in the playoffs.45:55 Twins. Our famous 1.2% of the way through season review, including a #Buxchubs check-in.54:15 Sano outfield review (spoiler alert: wet fart sound).61:10 We offer our MLB most hated/backup favorite teams.71:20 - Sportive Explains: Broken Skull Challenge.74:30 - Sportive Explains: how pro wrestling is the same as musicals.83:10 - A rememberence of the great Merle Haggard.(All time-stamps approximate/glorified guesses)

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#153: I Struggled With a Turd This Year

Fri, 01 Apr 2016 04:25:48 GMT

Annual Twins preview! Podcaster big-shot and fellow Cool Dad Michael Rand joined us to break down the offense, defense and pitching. Then we submitted wins predictions and did our world-famous "Bros & Turds" segment. Overall we did a lot of shouting and a little agreeing.Rubes and haters unite because we've got something for everyone. Go Twins. Go America.

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#152: Dad Minutiae

Thu, 24 Mar 2016 04:23:33 GMT

-Jon's gonna be a dad!-Wolves are bad in the clutch but still fun-Two #team2016 members explain their devotion to the Twins (mostly shruggy guy emojis)-Jon's epic Big 10 hockey rant - it's glorious and not to be missed-Clarence unveils his plan of attack if he's allowed to run the U of M (it involves bulldozing buildings)-Group therapy sesh about the awful Gopher athletics programAnd as always, tangents galore. Great ep, listen and pass it on.

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#151: The Chipoltay of Pizza

Wed, 16 Mar 2016 04:17:51 GMT

Piping hot sports content for your ears:-Hey, the Wolves still exist-Moment of clarity on Big 10 hockey: maybe it's Joel Maturi's fault-How the Wild have driven us to insanity-Will Chuck Fletcher keep his job?-Sixers/Wolves bet update and why Brandon loves wonk-heavy teams-Why do the Vikings have so many tackles?-Stu asks an unanswerable question that has befuddled and infuriated him

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#150: The Real Losers Are Us

Fri, 11 Mar 2016 05:34:25 GMT

Landmark episode! We celebrate the round number by breaking down:- Trader Rick's dumb foray into free agency- Fond Old Country Buffet memories- Rocky Nabisco the terrorist baby- The Wild fan emotional roller-coaster- Ask Sportive: [redacted]- Sportive Explains: Major Lazer, Bibimbap- Dad life + weekend previewSomething for everyone. Have yerself a listen.

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#149: Bagskating Through Life

Thu, 03 Mar 2016 04:58:19 GMT

Clarence no-showed us and Jon contracted a sinus infection halfway into the show, but we powered through to cover:-HS hockey: a hot take + who to cheer for-Gopher basketball: has it ever been worse?-Twins preview: what are we angry about this week?-Judging the Wild-Oscar talk (we saw 4 movies total this year)-A Very Special (creepy) #AskSportive-Sportive explains: PFT Commenter

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#148: Granny-Style Jumpers Featuring Shawn Fury

Thu, 25 Feb 2016 05:45:40 GMT

Author and long-time internal pal Shawn Fury joins us to discuss his new book, Rise and Fire: The Origins, Science, and Evolution of the Jump Shot --- and How It Transformed Basketball Forever.The first 45 minutes are Shawn saying the book's subtitle. After that, we discuss:- The history of the jump shot- The good ol' days when cagers had cigs put out on their arms- Janesville trivia- Making fun of Rand's mom, again- Has the 3-pointer ruined basketball?- Why is college basketball so bad?And tons more. Later, we wrap up with quick hits on the United and Wild. Thanks to Shawn for coming on.

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#147: What'd Squirrel Do?

Thu, 18 Feb 2016 18:41:53 GMT

- Ranking our top work fears- Yeo firing- Renegade cop John Torchetti intro- Sir Death and the tailgating conundrum - Defending Rick Rubio- Minnesota North Stars FC- Grammy review

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#146: A Blip in the Road

Fri, 12 Feb 2016 14:58:37 GMT

Clarence and Brandon recorded most of this one on their own. They delivered a little bit of sports talk and a LOT of potential lawsuits. They are not to be left alone again. Sorry to Jon and Stu, to the celebrities they offended, and most of all the women of the northern suburbs.Topics:-BOO the Zucker benching-Inappropriate Wild theories-Vikings "Keep or Toss" (this bit will get us arrested)-Vikings SB odds for next year-Wolves/United quick hits -Clarence goes after Beyonce-Jackson Hole recap

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#145: Low on Snow, High on Hatred

Wed, 03 Feb 2016 04:35:17 GMT

-The Pro Bowl and NHL All-Star games happened?-Wild playoff probabilities -Seth Green report (both the QB and tiny actor)-Popping bubbly about the key Carlos Quentin signing-Sam Mitchell is the new Mike Tice-Super Bowl plans and daydreaming about the Vikings playing in it someday

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#144: I Ride Hard for Whitey Skoog

Thu, 28 Jan 2016 05:02:00 GMT

--Super Bowl preview--Shat Purmur analysis--We ALMOST holler about the Vikings offense again but think better of it--EPIC GLEN MASON RANT--Is LeBron a petulant bitch?--What are Clarence's hottest all-time takes?

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#143: Ghost Jon Does Not Do Happy

Fri, 22 Jan 2016 05:16:54 GMT

Darkness has warshed over Minnesota sports, so we try our best to find something to be happy about. Do we succeed? Tune in to find out! (No)Discussed:-- NFL playoff preview and ideal punishments for Belichick (involves an on-field sentencing and a mechanism to fire a human into the sun) -- Vikings offensive coordinator rumors-- Reasons the Wild are bad-- New game: what is Mike Yeo thinking?-- Wolves/Gophers discontent -- Another new game: what is Terry Ryan thinking?-- Predicting the date of Berrios' torn ulnar To reiterate: we find nothing to be happy about. Though Clarence's spot-on Tony Danza impression does ease the sting.

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#142: Get The Supplies

Wed, 13 Jan 2016 05:16:17 GMT

-- Recapping the Vikings heartbreaker-- 20 painful minutes arguing if Blair Walsh should be cut-- How the Wild get out of purgatory (spoiler: we don't know)-- Quick hits: Wolves, weekend preview, Twins, Bowie and whether or not Joe Walsh is Sportive

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#141: Magnets and Flares

Thu, 07 Jan 2016 04:55:09 GMT

-- The pathetic story of Brandon's broken finger-- Vikings-Hawks preview: actual analysis!-- Super Bowl champ predictions-- Wolves-Sixers 5-year bet update-- Coaching options to replace Sam Mitchell-- All the Twins and Gophers hoops news you need-- Breaking two VERY shocking hockey stories

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#140: The Streets Will Run Red With Cheesehead Blood

Thu, 31 Dec 2015 15:41:56 GMT

-Vikings playoff scenarios-Jay Johnson & Quick Lane Bowl analysis-Calling out the morons who proposed denying the bowl invitation-Reusse impression!-Andy Wiggins & Sam Mitchell review -Dave Bearcat and a TV show pitch

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#139: Pelted With Buckshot

Thu, 24 Dec 2015 04:46:18 GMT

-- Top 3 Christmas songs-- Fighting the War on Christmas-- Will there ever be a Teddy consensus?-- Vikes playoff scenarios-- Why is no one discussing the Wild?-- Lightning round: Wolves, Twins, Gophers, Bo Ryan's mistress-- What teams do you root for even if they're bad?

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#138: A Dab-Free People

Thu, 17 Dec 2015 15:18:57 GMT

--Ranking our Vikings excitement level on the six-to-midnight scale--Gopher pigskin/Hollywood round-up: analysis of Seth Green and Jeff Jones news--We are scared that the Twins are having their Rosemount Stan moment--Wild/Wolves speed round--Christmas plans

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#137: The Disaster

Fri, 11 Dec 2015 15:29:46 GMT

We apologize for this episode. The first 35 minutes were spent trying to talk while watching the end of the Vikes-Cards game, and yes it was as bad an idea as it sounds. After the game, we settle into our groove of hollering about the ineptitude of the Twins front office, ranking the worst Gophers teams and some Sixers talk for good measure. Thank you and sorry once again.

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#136: A Great Variety of Shambles

Thu, 03 Dec 2015 04:50:32 GMT

-Predictions of how Claeys (the Kaiser Soze of Gopher football) will do: hero, average or Brewster 2.0?-More goddamn arguing about DVOA and the Vikings-Suter hockey-sassed coach Yeo! Why?-Sam Mitchell's favorability rating-We forget we are recording and discuss what's on the radio for like 10 minutes-Footie update, i.e. Clarence trolling Jon for unknown reasons

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Episode 135: Are You Being Patriotic?

Tue, 24 Nov 2015 04:08:23 GMT

This week on the Sportive, Liz Welle joins us at Legends in NE Minneapolis to discuss the bar's new menu, PLUS:* Honey butter* Don't go full grandpa* The quarter-life crisis* What are you getting rid of?Later Liz left and Brandon and Jon stuck around to talk about why everyone is so, so angry about football.

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#134: 158.3 or Ess a Dee

Fri, 20 Nov 2015 05:29:52 GMT

-- How's Teddy lookin'? (this got a little heated)-- "Bitches be talking": Clarence's summary of Teddy haters-- Why are we not psyched about the Vikings?-- WOLVES CHAT-- Sam Mitchell or Kevin McHale?-- Wild: err'body's hurt-- Claeys is the coach now because

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#133: The Groinal Region

Fri, 13 Nov 2015 05:21:31 GMT

Local raconteur Eric Durkee hosted Jon and Brandon this week, plying them with old fashioneds and pizza in true Durkee style. Topics: * Tattoos* Fundraising via haircuts* Our rap names* Getting our hopes up for the Vikings?* The Wolves - actually forget it let's just talk about the Warriors instead* The Twins (Eric left during this part), and the Aaron Hicks Trade* Everton Update Hour* The Minnesota United season* The last hurdle for the St. Paul soccer stadiumOld fashioneds taste good.

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#132: This One's For You, Tracy

Thu, 05 Nov 2015 05:15:30 GMT

-- Damn it all, we had to discuss that Gopher football disaster-- Definining "Harbaughing" and "Pete Carrolling"-- What have former Minnesota coaches gone on to do? (spoiler: jack squat)-- Wolves/Wild check-in-- Clarence is a better first baseman than Lucas Duda-- Top 3 candies according to Stu

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#131: Get Joe Lateral In Here

Fri, 30 Oct 2015 14:11:53 GMT

-- What's up with Tokyo Sexwale?-- Weekly Vikings chat-- Jay Cutler and his wife are bowling balls-- Our choice for next Gophers football coach-- Tailgating preview-- Hockey dad lifeStu never showed up but other than than this was another classic SuperShow(TM).

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#130 (Wolves preview): The San Andreas Fault of Feet

Wed, 28 Oct 2015 17:41:42 GMT

***NOTE: this was recorded before the news of Flip's death.***Wolves preview! Stu, Jon and Clarence patiently listen to Brandon ramble-gripe about the local cagers. Topics:-- #KATNIPS-- Sam Mitchell is going to ruin this season-- Why in the hell would anyone watch this team?-- Our world famous "Bros & Turds" segment-- Projected winsWe were worried Clarence was going to ruin the show with a 45-minute fart sound, but he didn't. Thank you for the restraint, Clarence!

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#129: Pot Committed on Teddy

Fri, 23 Oct 2015 14:20:07 GMT

- Your Minnesota Vikings: the most average team in football(tm)- How's Teddy lookin'?- DEBATE: choosing the #1 Riccup- We don't hate the Royals!- Ideas: new MLB playoff structure- Gophers lightning round- The legend of Rick Pitino, public humper

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#128: Nice Pants, You'll Die in a Bathtub

Thu, 15 Oct 2015 04:03:45 GMT

B, Marth and a tape-delayed Stu gab about:- The instant-classic Blue Jays win- The stupid Royals and their stupid narrative- Vikings-Chiefs preview- What to do about Klinsmann- What band throughout history we'd choose to join- NYC recap from BrandonY'all come back real soon now.

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#127: Vanek Loves a Home Underdog

Wed, 07 Oct 2015 04:11:48 GMT

It's all hockey, all the time this week, as Giles Ferrell of WildXtra.com joins us to preview the Wild season. (Not entirely true - we also talked Twins and Vikings - but bear with us.)On the docket:-Goalies are goofier than everyone else put together-Explaining what "waffleboarding" means-Predictions, bros and turds, and other semi-confident statements we will disavow almost immediately, OR: Why Giles is on house arrest for a week-Why Jordan Schroeder should throw Niklas Backstrom's goalie equipment in a river-Sinuhe Wallenheimo-Complaining about the Wild power play before the season even startsAlways fun to talk hockey again. Start the Zambonis!

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#126: Embrace the Stomach Pain

Wed, 30 Sep 2015 05:00:00 GMT

We spend half the show launching effenheimers in Mike Pelfrey's direction and the other half talking Vikes. In between: - Torii in 2016?- How to Celebrate a Homer, by Professor Swamptown- Grouse hunting from a boat- Pro tips on getting kicked out of The Commander

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#125: Sharing a Meatball with John Sharkman

Fri, 25 Sep 2015 05:00:00 GMT

It's Hot Take Central this week at the Sportive. Special guest John Sharkman joins us as we unleash & debate the following:-- Cheering for AP is fine-- It's not Mitch Leidner's fault-- Johnny Manziel has a chance to be a top QB-- Ryan Adams' "1989" is boring and unnecessary And plenty more. We also get a Johnnie/Tommie preview from Shark and tease a Megan Fox segment that never arrives. Good talk, Russ.

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#124: I Remember Dreams

Wed, 16 Sep 2015 05:00:00 GMT

Actual sports!- Vikings film room: o-line, gaping holes on D, Teddy's arm strength and more. Mostly sadness. - Wondering why the Gophers ignore the concept of the forward pass- Head-scratching a couple Molitor moves but mostly thanking our lucky stars over this season- House party recap + weekend preview and as always, dads talkin' youth sports

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#123: Emotional Two-A-Days (Vikings Season Preview)

Fri, 11 Sep 2015 05:00:00 GMT

It's our second annual two-part Vikings season preview. We break down x's and o's, preach about "Next Man Up" and sing a lot of Bill Withers.

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#122: Nixon's Third Term

Thu, 10 Sep 2015 05:00:00 GMT

We celebrated the Twins for 10 minutes then screamed at each other about DeflateGate for the next 45. We are bad at being serious. Apologies all around. There was also some talk about paying college athletes and the Wild goalie situation, but this will go down as The One Where They Yelled.

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#121: It's Amazing If He's An Animal

Wed, 02 Sep 2015 04:30:00 GMT

Official Sportive Twin Brother Dave joins us for:- Gopher pigskin season preview - Clarence has an accident in his pants over another Mike Sano jack- We laugh at Souhan for 20 minutes straight- Berrios's arm is going to fall off soon, RIP Berrios's armConsidering the two teams discussed, surprisingly light on rage. These are the end times.

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#120: Holding Out For Lawry's

Wed, 26 Aug 2015 05:00:00 GMT

The four regulars are back with our standard sports 'cast. Discussed:- Programming note re ads on the show- Sano, Buxton and this insane Twins season- How's Teddy lookin? An investigative report- Our five franchise saviors vs. their incompetent bosses- The Fargo rock scene, which is not a real thing- Weekend preview

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Episode 119: Bite-Sized Balls

Thu, 20 Aug 2015 02:27:00 GMT

Clarence was on vacation - hashtag can't make it - so America's Sweetheart Liz Welle joined us at her usual Legends location to talk about:

LentilFest
The ongoing Twins disaster, and why anybody got their hopes up this week
New State Fair foods (including the title of this podcast!)
Why certain people don't want to know what their grades are
Parents Gone Wild
State fairs vs. county fairs
The Escape Room

And much, much more.

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Episode 118: The Ol' Fart Bank

Thu, 13 Aug 2015 02:16:38 GMT

Our good friend Eric Durkee joined the podcast for the first time this week. After some recording difficulties, we regrouped and discussed:

Farting on Brad Childress
Kickfarter
Minnesota United media food
Straw-ber-ritas
Creating soccer fans in America
Many, many sociological generalizations
American soccer hooliganism, the stupidest thing ever
Gang fighting
UFC is the teacups at the county fair
National Elephant Day
Daniel Day Lewis
The Democrating Donald Trump
Minneapolis-St. Paul's Top 5 Reuben Sandwiches

An excellent episode, as always. Our thanks to Eric for joining up, especially since he has things to lose.

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Episode 117: Grade F Meat and Melted Grout

Thu, 06 Aug 2015 03:43:24 GMT

After an editing mistake that cuts out the first few minutes (SORRY), we discuss:

Prince vs. Jacko
An amazing new Sportive wives segment
Best current pop star
Kelly Clarkson concert review
The Twins will never go all in
The beauty of hockey trash talk

Stu was killing it until his weekly technical difficulties and Clarence came in guns a-blazing. Good times, good times.

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Episode 116: Literally All Python

Thu, 30 Jul 2015 03:25:38 GMT

Our good friend Patrick Donnelly deputized for Clarence, who couldn't make it, at the Town Hall Brewery at Seven Corners. Among the topics:

The return of the Ron Davis era and the depression of the current Twins
I'd settle for two or three million
#TeflonJürgy
How can we possibly be excited for the Vikings season
The Great Baseball Road Trip, and more importantly, video games
#HireStu

(Seriously, on the last one. Our favorite co-host, Steve "Stu" Neuman, was laid off this week, and we would like you to hire him to work for you because a) we like him and b) we like you, and frankly, you're getting an effing deal out of this. Hiring Stu will be the best thing you ever did for your organization. Trust us. #HireStu.)

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Episode 115: Out of the Trunk Came a Goat

Fri, 24 Jul 2015 04:04:10 GMT

Call-in problems, accidental cut-outs and Stu recording from a submarine led to this almost not being published. If you are curious what we talk about when we've given up, this is it. Details:

Pigs In a Blanket should be the next trend (0-17min)
Why didn't our dads like hugs? (18min-38min)
Steroids/getting old (39min-45min)
How to be happy (45min-50min)
What's in that Civic (50min-52min)
Cabin preview & best guitar solos (52min-66min)

Back on the grind next week, friends.

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Episode 114: I'm Not Interested in Facts

Thu, 16 Jul 2015 04:12:58 GMT

Discussed on the latest Chud Sputney's Sports Bog:

Updated Twins season wins predictions
We mercilessly tease Jon about his delusional belief in the Twins
Gopher football season Vegas over/under reactions
Tailgating proposals but just a free taste of the milk -- if you want the full cow then you'll have to pay? Is that a saying?
At the 56 minute mark we bring it full circle and mercilessly tease Jon again, this time about being the local footie columnist

In summary, we are pessimistic and bad friends. Plenty of laughs at least. Thanks for listening.

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Episode 113: Being a Virgin Sounds Awesome

Thu, 09 Jul 2015 04:28:28 GMT

Old friend Josh and Cousin Brian join a live recording at Legends along with a host of off-mic podcast pals. Discussed:

The state of our #BuxChub
What to do with Aaron Hicks
Pants Down, LLC
Cousin Brian on being wooed by "The Bachelor" franchise
Cousin Brian on his Australian Rules Football career (Jon took his pants off during this segment)
Review of the Nelson concert. Repeat: NELSON CONCERT
A very important Vince Neil update

Plus our usual thousand jokes & asides. Had a blast, hope it comes through.

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Episode 112: Earn Yourself Some Pants

Thu, 02 Jul 2015 04:10:21 GMT

Hello and welcome to Sexual Dave and the Pervs. We rolled with a skeleton crew this week as Jon and Clarence were no-shows, so Stu and B went sports-light and covered:

Escrow accounts?
Ranking musical Crows
One-album wonders
Weekly pageboy haircuts
Super timely review of 80s comedians
4th of July plans (Nelson!)
The micro agony and macro joy of parenting
Bumming out on the England World Cup own goal
SANO!
Reluctantly supporting the Tyus pick

Have a great weekend, friends. Go America. Go us.

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Episode 111: Sam Hinkie Is A Nihilist

Fri, 26 Jun 2015 14:00:12 GMT

It's an all-NBA (well, mostly-NBA) episode of the podcast. Brandon and Jon are joined by our friend Dylan and his brother Ian to talk about:

Karl-Anthony Towns and erectile health
Flip Saunders and how we loathe him
Would you rather be wrong and happy, or right and miserable?
The best Wolves starting five
How to improve the NBA
How to improve hockey overtimes (it got random at the end)

Later the Wolves traded for Tyus Jones, which makes some of our hot takes out of date. Oh well.

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Episode 110: They Pay Him in Blue Jeans

Fri, 19 Jun 2015 04:05:17 GMT

Filbert nuts and harmonicas both take the brunt end of some serious shit-talking
Neil Young is pretty good
John Popper is not
#BUXCHUB
A sad review of Twins FIPs
NBA finals recap
Weekend plans

Meandering, unprepared, vulgar, funny. We checked all the Sportive boxes.

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Episode 109: Argentinian Deep Cuts

Thu, 11 Jun 2015 04:11:39 GMT

Reunited and it feels so good - at least for a few minutes until Stu drops out and never returns. Nevertheless, we battle through the adversity to cover:

Jon's new footie gig
Friendlies: do they matter a tiny bit, or not at all?
The asinine draft and cold streak that cured us of Nant Fever
Embracing the insane NBA finals
Clarence's Denver review
General travel woes

Then we broken skull challenge each other to not be self-deprecating anymore. Lotta bases covered. Check it out.

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Episode 108: Camels Aren't Free

Thu, 04 Jun 2015 03:45:28 GMT

Clarence ditched us again so fill-in host and startribune.biz editor Brian Stensaas joined us to holler about:

"I did a little Pony" - Stu's self-review of his Dad Dance
More head-scratching about the Twins
Molitor review
Invention idea: anti-snob pills
Sordid details of the Strib behind the scenes (mostly just Sid being cranky)
A tiny bit of AP talk, sorry
Half-assed NBA and NHL finals previews

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Episode 107: I'm Not Afraid to Touch a Wet Nacho

Thu, 28 May 2015 04:12:27 GMT

Clarence couldn't make it for this one, so we replaced him with Liz Welle and got back to work. Thanks to her for being willing to talk to us about any and all of the following:

The Twins: are we ready to love again?
Upside-down nachos
Paynesville, MN
Why Rangers fans are the absolute worst, and how much we hate people who went to North Dakota
Nacho criteria
A horrifying soccer story

And plenty more. Plus, Stu had his best episode, and is really getting warmed up for the season.

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Episode 106: A Rich Woman's Luggage

Thu, 21 May 2015 03:41:42 GMT

TITLETOWN. Letterman. Wilco. Towns vs Okafor. Hakstol. Eliminate tugging? Twins musical chairs. Mauer the fucking animal.

Titletown.

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Episode 105: Your Bagel Bites are Ready

Thu, 14 May 2015 03:38:22 GMT

We forgot to prepare for the show so we did a group tap-dance routine for an hour. The routine included:

Clarence's NFL draft rebuttal
Our throats are scratchy, we're coming down with something, not sure what it could be, it's a mystery
NBA draft lottery (yes, it got that desperate)
Art-A-Whirl, dance competitions and various other tangents

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Episode 104: My Dad's Kinda Weird

Thu, 07 May 2015 03:44:25 GMT

Topics:

Vikings draft review in which Brandon compliments Spielman and immediately enters witness protection to avoid the wrath of Clarence
Heavy sighs over the Wild
Stu's daughter says hello!
Group therapy on how to deal with sports loss and the key to happy fandom
Our annual cackling over the Twins brief competence

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Episode 103: Steve I Love Turtles

Fri, 01 May 2015 14:14:22 GMT

For the first time in more than 100 episodes, we got all four of us in a room at the same time. We went to Grumpy's in Roseville, where we were joined by an all-star cast, including Aaron Gleeman (for the whole thing) and (at various times) Hans Van Slooten, Amanda White, Lindsay Guentzel, and Dave Marthaler.

When all four of us weren't talking at the exact same time - which was most of the time - we discussed:

The Wild's chances against the Blackhawks in Round 2 of the playoffs
The Vikings' pick in the NFL Draft (recorded live)
Whether Ted Thompson is a Sagittarius
Who the heck is Ciara
Sam Hinkle / Hinkie

The whole thing goes off the rails pretty much immediately, but we had an excellent time. We're all looking forward to Episode 206, when we all get together again.

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Episode 102: Dat Spanx Money

Thu, 23 Apr 2015 03:47:36 GMT

Flush with new listeners after our City Pages award, we tried an experiment in which one of us got hopped up on cold medicine, two others watched TV instead of paying attention and the fourth chatted into an unanswering ether about god knows what. The result was...interesting? Maybe? Topics:

Paul Molitor is the bright spot in the organization because he's not yet obviously terrible
According to local reports, TORII HUNTER TRIED TO STEAL HOME but we refuse to believe
NBA playoffs preview! To the delight of no one!
Potential Vikings draft picks
A third Property Brother???
Our regular amount of tangential BS to finish up the show

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Episode 101: When That Song Comes On, I Gotta Dance

Thu, 16 Apr 2015 04:14:29 GMT

AGENDA:

Head scratching and back slapping over our "Best MN Sports Podcast" award from City Pages
Wild playoff preview including Keys to the Series (spoiler alert: the keys are Cooperalls and weird trash talk)
The Twins are garbage but we have two silver linings, both related to boners
Out of context quote: "Hairless Twink Ads"
Unhinged griping about the Wolves, who even in this terrible sports town are the most hopeless franchise
Footie stadium talk

In summary, we started the episode wondering how we won an award and then spent 75 minutes justifying our confusion. ENJOY.

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Episode 100: Major League Baseball's Incontinent Dog

Thu, 09 Apr 2015 03:49:01 GMT

We commemorate our milestone 100th episode by being woefully unprepared and overly negative as usual. A few topics we grit n grinded our way through:

Our dumbest statements over the first 99 episodes
Jon setting a world record for worst explanation of the NHL playoff structure
Some very necessary Twins venting
Ask Sportive: our most hated team, our favorite generation, ranking outstate cities, the beer we're drinking, food, etc.

Thanks for listening to our meandering BS, friends. On to the next 100.

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Episode 99: A Tire Fire Inside of a Sh*t Show (Twins Season Preview)

Thu, 02 Apr 2015 03:41:34 GMT

We spent the entire hour talking about the Twins and it was as depressing, hopeless and ranty as you'd expect. We reviewed the terrible offseason, claimed our annual bros & turds and then predicted the wins total. Some quotes:

"Who the shit is JR Graham?"
"Nick Punto exists to be accidentally punched"
"A touch of Rob Deer"
"Ozzie's getting an ice cream helmet"
"What I'm hoping for is a bunch of injuries"
"The inexplicability of some of these...(20-second sigh)"

Things got dark in a hurry and never turned around. Move along, optimists. Nothing to see here.

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Episode 98: Hey, Do You 'Blade?

Thu, 26 Mar 2015 03:45:27 GMT

Topics:

Brandon's whiny Vegas recap
BIG FOOTY NEWS from Jon, MN soccer's OG fan
Are AP and his agent really this stupid?
The official Sportive stance on public funding
Wild still good / Twins still bad
Idea: platoon fifth starter

Plus we hit our tangents quota. Give 'er a listen, friends.

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Episode 97: The Look It Up Episode

Thu, 19 Mar 2015 12:21:36 GMT

This week, Brandon went to Las Vegas instead of calling in, leaving the rest of us to flounder through. We even resorted to actually looking up facts, for the first time in the history of the podcast, so listen to us type the following into Wikipedia:

Just how bad was Gopher basketball this year?
Why Devan Dubnyk maybe doesn't need as much of a rest as some seem to think
The Smoot-Hawley Tariff Act
No, seriously, that was a thing we looked up
Our anti-Iowa and anti-Wisconsin NCAA tournament rooting interests
Northern Iowa, the Quinnipiac of the Midwest
Soccer? Soccer!

Come back soon, Brandon. We miss you.

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Episode 96: Going Towards Vince Ferragamo

Sun, 15 Mar 2015 19:39:20 GMT

Brandon, Stu, and Jon head for Grumpy's in Roseville to have a Bloody Mary and discuss:

What's the best suburb?
Matt Cassel, Shaun Hill, Mike Wallace, Greg Jennings, and how much Clarence loves Rick Spielman (Clarence wasn't there)
What can we find to be mad about, with the Twins?
Brandon is going to Vegas to watch hoops
New Minnesota soccer web site Northern Pitch, and how you should be reading it, and how it's breaking news
Why Devan Dubnyk will never be the MVP but probably should be
Things are looking up for Minnesota hockey
Benjamin Booker, the best new music

It was a good brunch crowd. Why we didn't invite Aaron Gleeman is beyond me.

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Episode 95: Surrounded By Morons

Thu, 05 Mar 2015 04:49:30 GMT

This week we decided to try talking about sports:

Cassel trade
AP: maybe not so good of a guy
Why Jon hates small town hockey
AA State teams to root for
Al Meyer predictions, or how to reverse troll
Whether Sano weighing 500 pounds bothers us
BUX CHUBS

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Episode 94: The Apple Stock of Rube Takes

Thu, 26 Feb 2015 04:39:07 GMT

Discussed:

KG trade
Wild outlook
Beerfest
Brandon admits to being a hothead prick
We laugh for 45 minutes about a tweet from our pal Mike Rand
A new segment called "Clarence's Rants: Directors Cut"
A bunch of other BS that we've already forgotten

Enjoy!

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Episode 93: Throwing Up Finger Guns

Thu, 19 Feb 2015 04:52:16 GMT

Agenda-free which means we discussed: danceline controversies, celebrity deaths, youth wrestling, strip clubs, elbow surgeries, Fireball raffles, chain smoking, Ikea on a Friday, Parlour burgers, baby analogies, Aussie rules football and more.

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Episode 92: Daunte's Hands Never Got Bigger

Thu, 12 Feb 2015 04:41:28 GMT

Covered:

All the positivity in this town just sucks
Russo v. Swamptown
Whether or not Curt Flood was a real person
RIP golf
The athlete with the most interesting life story
Over-the-hill singers and bucket lists
We detail our extensive romantic plans for Valentine's Day

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Episode 91: I've Always Loved the Maritimes

Fri, 06 Feb 2015 04:56:00 GMT

Guess what? We had audio issues. Our recording app failed to record around 30 minutes of this podcast, leading to two large gaps in what were some spectacular #AskSportive answers from our good friend, national champion tweeter Zach Floyd (go follow him at @floyding).

We talked about the Wild and Wolves a little bit, but most of this episode was given over to your random questions. Which we, you know, lost some of.

Sigh.

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Episode 90: I'm the Ball Gag, As You Know

Fri, 30 Jan 2015 04:37:38 GMT

Welcome to Ain't Shit Goin' On Week here at The Sportive. After decades of pure misery from Minnesota sports, our spirits have finally broken to the point that we can't even muster the energy to complain anymore.

Instead we discuss advanced football stats, best practices on bribing children, crow-hopping cell phones and then we just start listing vacation spots we'd like to visit.

Look at what you've done to us, Minnesota. We are broken men.

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Episode 89: Two Cool Dog Names

Thu, 22 Jan 2015 05:14:52 GMT

Our friend and pigskin expert Josh joins us to give a detailed review of the Vikings season and outlook for next year. Along the way we toss out our standard tangents, which include:

Laughing at the Packers loss
Bill Belicheck is a cheater and future murderer
Brandon's pathetic ploy to stay young
Yet another battle on the righteousness of curly fries
#FarmTalk
A classic softball story

As meandering and inaccessible as you've come to expect, but a lot of fun.

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Episode 88: Martin Luther Swamptown's 95 Theses

Thu, 15 Jan 2015 04:48:52 GMT

Brandon wasn't in town, but Michael Rand of the Star Tribune joined us instead. Among the topics:

New Wild goaltender Darryl Dawkins
Assigning 250% of the blame for the Wild being terrible
Gopher hoops finding new and ridiculous ways to lose
The utter happiness brought to us by Mo Williams
Bobby Bell on desk maintenance
Rick Spielman role-playing
Fixing Metro Transit: Lower cost, higher big-city feels!
Who are the best quotes in town?

It should also be known that Mike recorded this episode from his basement, while wearing a hoodie and holding a pug. #behindthesportive

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Episode 87: Pure Black Nihilism

Mon, 05 Jan 2015 03:43:35 GMT

After an enjoyable non-podcasting Christmas, the podcast is back, as Brandon, Stu, and Jon met up at Stout's Pub to record the first episode of 2015. Among the topics:

Let's not get too excited about Gopher football after a five-loss year
After a mediocre year, the jury's still out on Mike "Mustache-less Jeff Fisher" Zimmer, too
What can we possibly get excited about with the Wolves? (Answer: Ricky Rubio and Jeff Adrien, who Brandon might have made up.)
The Wild are god-awful
Jim Souhan is stealing from us
Gopher hoops is headed for a repeat
Gopher hockey are losers and the Big Ten is terrible at hockey
Some New Year's resolutions

In other words, a really upbeat episode! It's good to be back.

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Episode 86: Casual Stu Night

Fri, 19 Dec 2014 04:47:34 GMT

Clarence couldn't make it this week, due to a combination of a "lower-body injury" and audio problems (actually, it was the flu), but the other three regulars were in attendance for our usual pile of complaints. Among the discussions:

Some Footbaw Advanced Stats, which Brandon tried to use to make Clarence apologize, even though he wasn't there
Jon tries to get calmed down about the Twins, which ends in a long-winded drug analogy that makes at least as much sense as Jon's weird Twins attitude
We try to write Stu's Twinkie Town column for him
Are we #PayrollWhiners? A serious discussion - just kidding, we make fun of the entire concept yet again
The utter ongoing disappointment of the Wild
We talk MMA, for probably the first and last time on the podcast
"In defense of the NFL..." --Brandon

And of course, there are plenty of the usual asides, terrible analogies, and time-wasting that you've come to expect from Hutch Blowtorch and the Sports Inferno.

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Episode 85: The Soundtrack to My Strife

Thu, 11 Dec 2014 04:44:07 GMT

Twins writer and bullet-crusher Parker Hageman dials in to the hotline as we discuss:

Would the Vikings be a playoff team with AP?
The number of people who want Clarence dead
Ervin Santana rumors. Exciting and also likely irrelevant by the time this is published
People doubted us but we found a way to bitch about the Twins again
Wolves 25% of the way through the season review (aka intermission)
Stu's top songs of 2014
Jon's delightful Adam Weber story

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Episode 84: Anti-Resistance Skates

Thu, 04 Dec 2014 05:01:43 GMT

Hockey stathead extraordinaire Hans Van Slooten joins us to discuss:

Torii Hunter signing & press conference
Whether or not Mike Berardino is a prick
This week in media homers
Flip Saunders is the devil
The latest & greatest hockey stats
Brandon outdoes himself with the worst hockey idea of all time

We should also note we had a short baby shower at the beginning. Feel free to skip ahead 8 minutes or so to get to the ball talk.

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Episode 83: The Breeze is a Harsh Editor

Tue, 25 Nov 2014 04:47:06 GMT

First off, congratulations to Brandon, who had his second child on Monday. We hoped he would call in from the hospital, but as it turns out, he couldn't QUITE make it. Jon, Stu, and Clarence (who dropped out and re-joined about forty times) were left to discuss:

Gopher football: everything we ever wanted
Thanks for listening, Mike Russo. Welcome to the party!
Stu is a cuckold
Matt Kalil is terrible and Mike Priefer's dad is a crusty old fart
The Wolves are a train wreck...
... but not as big of a train wreck as Big Ten hockey
Eaves is jail, but Hakstol is prison

And so on and so forth. We're still the hardest-working podcast in show biz.

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Episode 82: Yortuck Diskerud

Thu, 20 Nov 2014 04:29:28 GMT

Clarence joined late, but otherwise we had the usual four-man contingent for this one. Among the topics discussed:

Vikings predictions
Thank you for noting that you are against child abuse, columnists of America
Mark Dayton Broxey
Our few-and-far-between sources of hope
A surprising amount of Philadelphia 76ers talk
Jon and Brandon’s five-year bet
Why isn’t Mikko Koivu getting more heat?
How can Stu miss us when we won’t leave?
Open Mic Night
We're pro-umlaut!

It's good to be back, and not yelling at each other for once.

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Episode 81: The Utah Beach of NFL Fields

Sun, 16 Nov 2014 18:02:20 GMT

We tried a little something different for Episode 81, as Stu and Jon met up at The Depot in downtown Minneapolis to record a Saturday evening version of the podcast. Among the topics:

The Gophers lose to Ohio State
We try to make sense of the Wolves and Gopher basketball despite not watching either
Stu talks about the much better podcasts that he's involved with at his day job
The Vikings-Bears game, BUT NOTHING ABOUT THE COACH

See what you think, and leave us some feedback by tweeting @sportivepodcast. We'd appreciate it.

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Episode 80: The Priory of Sion Offense

Thu, 13 Nov 2014 04:32:15 GMT

We missed Stu this week, but he sent in enough hot takes to keep us going for one of our more contentious episodes ever. On the agenda:

Which is more likely, the Wild missing the playoffs, or the Vikings making the playoffs?
How are the Gophers going to do on Saturday against Ohio State?
The Bears are going to beat the Vikings, right?
NOTE: At this point the podcast devolved into a long discussion of who was most responsible for the Vikings offense. We never really stopped talking about it. We tried to move on, but didn't really.
Ricky Rubio, Sadness Factory
Who could possibly care about Gene Glynn
Your weekly Wild depression therapy

By the end, Brandon was ready to join a different podcast. We need more therapy.

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Episode 79: Nice Soft Terry-Cloth Feel

Thu, 06 Nov 2014 04:55:05 GMT

It's the first show from the newly-minted Sportive HQ 2.0! Brandon's back in the hosting chair and the rest of the idiots are joining as usual, as we broadcast now from western Uptown / the suburbs (depending on your preference).

On the podcast tonight:

The Molitor hiring (sigh) (sigh) (giant glug of beer)
Molitor enters the Keith Millard Hall of Fame
Joe Mauer is the most Sportive?
Jim Pohlad: Team Lazy vs. Team Incompetent
Ted-ee, Ted-ee, Ted-ee, TED-EE
T-and-R with the best of them
Anthony Barr and shrewd draft-night moves
Some light Rick Spielman-related trolling of Clarence
Hate/loving the Patriots... and AJ Pierzynski?
The Rubio Contract
Jon has his Wild expectations set way too high
The reason you should watch sports
What liking Christmas music says about you

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Episode 78: This Infinite Nothing

Thu, 30 Oct 2014 04:28:22 GMT

We're missing the Texas-bound Brandon tonight, but Patrick Donnelly (@donnelly612) stepped in for him and did his usual fine New Ulm job. Among tonight's topics:

The latest Gopher football letdown, and just how much of a letdown it really is
Jon accidentally locking his wife out of the house during the podcast and how this was endlessly hilarious to Stu
The Mitch Moss Sports Toilet's ongoing feud with Marty Cordova (NOTE: alternate title for this episode was "Feuding with Marty Cordova")
Clarence's audio slideshow of his trip to Nashville
The Wolves lost! (NOTE: This is a transcription of all of the Wolves talk.)
The ninth inning of Game 7 of the World Series, poorly broadcasted
The Wild power play and why they just won't listen to us
A Vikings win nobody cares about, following a tortured sports metaphor
Patrick Donnelly direct quote: "I don't know, I'm not in your brains."
Michael Russo = kd lang

In other words, the usual to-the-point sports talk you've come to expect.

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Episode 77: "Thank you, David Kahn"

Thu, 23 Oct 2014 04:01:30 GMT

It's the hotly anticipated T-Wolves preview, featuring podcaster-at-large & local optimist Michael Rand. Topics:

Wolves: offseason, lineup, wins predictions and Brandon arguing that Flip is the devil
Twins: getting our patented pre-rage(tm) on about the hiring of Paul Molitor
Wild: something about power plays?
Vikings: we play the blame game, this round pitting Norv v. Zimmer. Totally shocking spoiler alert: Clarence gives a write-in vote for Spielman.

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Episode 76: "It's me, Poochie!"

Thu, 16 Oct 2014 04:10:50 GMT

Join us as we try to laugh through the incompetence that is Minnesota sports. Topics:

The Strib/Twins joint payroll press release
The damn Royals
Norval Laverne Turner
Zimmer's free pass
Flip's asinine shot charts

We offered a few half-hearted fist pumps about the Wild's start if you're looking for some positivity. But you're here so we know you aren't. Enjoy.

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Episode 75: Watch Out For Finns

Thu, 09 Oct 2014 02:52:43 GMT

It's a hockey preview episode of the Sportive this week, as Clarence joined Jon at Sportive HQ to talk Wild and Gopher puck for an entire episode. Brandon was not allowed to attend. Stu called in.

In between a pretty detailed breakdown of the Wild and a somewhat less detailed breakdown of the Gophers, we managed to talk about such topics as:

Finns are the orneriest people on earth
Living in Madison, MN
Fargo in March: the Venice of the North
Farm permits
Dickinson, ND

Plus, at the end, Stu and Clarence make a real live bet.

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Episode 74: A Number Three in My Pants

Thu, 02 Oct 2014 05:04:18 GMT

Gardy firing and what's next (spoiler alert: more heartbreak)
Ned Yost jug yanking
Gophers vs. Michigan pigskin recap
TEDDY, so damn much Teddy talk
MLB playoff power rankings

Plus a bit of singing, a lot of swears and our quota of front-office threats.

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Episode 73: A Special Brand of Hopeless Incompetence

Thu, 25 Sep 2014 03:43:25 GMT

Discussed:

Grouse hunting or John Grisham: the eternal question
The ongoing Twins ineptitude - worse than the 90s?
Teddy Bridgewater, the only hope this town has left
Relatively innocent jug-yanking of local media members
Yet another debate over the worst local owners (no decision made; we'll take another run at it again next week)
Hating ourselves for defending famous 12-year-old Bill Simmons
Gopher football at Michigan

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Episode 72: Hunks on the Mind

Wed, 10 Sep 2014 04:39:32 GMT

Highlights:

- SKOL VIKINGS

- Some truly awful buffalo sounds

- Amish urban myths

- Incest humor, unfortunately

- 10ish seconds of Gopher football talk

- Whether or not we should continue to support the NFL. Warning: an actual serious discussion ensued despite our best efforts otherwise. Won't happen again -- we'll return to our regular programming of faulty connections and fart noises next week.

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Episode 71: The Cohesive 2014 Vikings Preview

Thu, 04 Sep 2014 03:57:56 GMT

We devoted the entire episode to a Vikings season preview. Had some audio issues so we decided to record twice just to be safe.

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Episode 70: THANK YOU DAMON

Fri, 29 Aug 2014 04:09:37 GMT

Twinkie Town boss Jesse Lund stops by Sportive HQ and Stu gets a solid buzz on, which means we're already in must-listen territory.

If you need more convincing, we also gripe to the mothereffing high heavens and do our world-famous british impressions. Goddamn, this was a fun episode.

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Episode 69: Dauber Eats His Shoe

Fri, 22 Aug 2014 04:42:03 GMT

Jon’s brother Dave joins us as we spend most of the hour previewing Gophers football, with brief asides including racist movies, Texas tailgating, hating the Twins, the new season of Wits and dumping water on ourselves.

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Episode 68: I Call All-Time Gutenberg

Thu, 14 Aug 2014 04:00:53 GMT

Podcaster-at-large Michael Rand and our nemesis Rocket join us to discuss:

- RIP Byron Buxton? (We weren't sure)

- Whether or not Flip is still a disaster

- Vikings predictions + a round of "Bros & Turds"

- Our weekly Pre-Rage(TM) about Teddy

- What we'd do if we were the Twins GM

- AT LEAST one million mom jokes

Decently sports-ish and EASILY our least mature, which is really saying something considering the low bar.

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Episode 67: Come On, Ebola!

Wed, 06 Aug 2014 04:29:27 GMT

A quick catch-up sesh ended up lasting 40 minutes, so you sports nutz might want to skip ahead to the good stuff. And by good stuff we mean whining about the Pohlads, refusing to give Flip credit for what could be a pretty exciting Wolves trade, and Clarence launching into yet another tirade against Spielman.

Also, Stu at one point dejectedly muttered “We were put on this earth to suffer” which sums up life as a Minnesota sports fan better than these 67 episodes combined. That said, this one was full of laffs and included a surprising lack of technical glitches. Go get it.

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Episode 66: The Raisin Culprit

Fri, 25 Jul 2014 04:54:14 GMT

Brandon, Stu and Clarence power through audio issues and a lack of an agenda to discuss:

- Jon’s wedding

- Organization w/ the worst future: NFL or MLB?

- Vikings season preview teaser: 0-16

- Twins: should we push our chips to 2017

- Whether or not to trade our friend Glen Perkins

- Will Leitch’s tortured fan bases series

- Clarence’s *perfect* Tony Danza impression

Somehow that took over an hour. Enjoy?

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Episode 65: The Guy From Smooth Cooter is a Cop

Fri, 11 Jul 2014 04:07:30 GMT

Topics:

- Sam Fuld the Peanut

- World Cup recap + way too much soccer talk

- Griping over Flip Saunders and Minnesota owners yet again

- LeBron James *cricket sounds*

- The Wild signing of Todd Vanek

- Weekly bulletin of outtate Minnesota happenings

We also put a request in for St. Paul-to-St. Cloud warp whistles and sponsorship dollars to fund a jail sentence by Jon. And then a bit of cooter talk.

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Episode 64: Comparing Apples to Ron Gardenhire

Thu, 26 Jun 2014 02:48:44 GMT

Despite the title, we didn't actually talk about the Twins in this one. Instead, Brandon got Jon to go off on a 75-minute monologue about the World Cup. Included therein was the following:

The USA vs. Germany
An update on the World Cup in general
An anti-Klinsmann cross-examination from Clarence
Jon talking at great length about the unknowability of life or something like that
Processes vs. results
Jonathan Lipnicki, I mean Landon Donovan
The NBA Draft and who the Wolves will take
Brandon's dualing ideas about what NBA team he really likes
"Wait... WE'RE a dumb organization!"
Oscar-nominated boobs
Stu's first three days at MPR

The entire gang was back for this one. It was good to have everybody there.

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Episode 63: Neil Diamond's Tasseled Leather Jacket

Thu, 19 Jun 2014 04:28:02 GMT

We planned to devote this episode to World Cup talk, but our footie pundit Jon ditched us last-minute because apparently he’s “getting married soon” and “very busy” and we shouldn’t have found his future in-laws’ phone number and “repeatedly called to inform them what a good-for-nothing louse” he is. Whatever, Jon.

But we pushed through without him to talk Klinsmann, a half-hearted Wolves draft preview, tailgating, the potential Saints/Twins partnership and, as always, our thoughts on couples showers.

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Episode 62: It's Funny Because He's Behind Developmentally

Fri, 13 Jun 2014 04:54:39 GMT

The Sports Fist hits on all the hot button issues of the day because that's what the Sports Fist was born to do. Namely:

- Congratulating Stu on his new job

- An extended World Cup preview

- Much yelling over Klinsmann

- Kendrys Morales and the 30-swings-and-misses analogy

- Mauer and the head ouchies

- Kevin Love has lost his damn mind

We also sing the Jeffersons theme song a couple times if you're into that sort of thing.

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Episode 61: Diaper Play at Stu's House

Fri, 06 Jun 2014 04:18:46 GMT

A little bit of Twins talk and a whole lot of Wolves bitching. Other mentions: Tracy Chapman, molotov cocktails, Minnesota insecurity, the poet laureate 50 Cent and drunken wives.

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Episode 60: Dry-humping Peanuts Characters

Thu, 29 May 2014 04:09:43 GMT

Jon, Clarence and Brandon discuss:

Parents getting turnt on work trips
The case for keeping Kevin Love
The case for firing Flip
Teddy B and the art of pre-raging
Update on Twins' 2016 outlook
How we can get Rick Spielman fired (hint: check the ep title)
World Cup

#HireStu

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Episode 59: You Leave Bob Out Of This

Fri, 23 May 2014 13:46:23 GMT

Brandon was out of town this week, so we turned to Emergency Podcast Guest (and Jon's brother) Dave Marthaler to fill in with the rest of the gang.

After Dave confirmed that the podcast is not, in fact, just Jon sitting around a table with a bunch of stuffed animals, imitating their voices, he joined in the talk about some and perhaps all of the following:

The Vikings draft (which was like a month ago, but we haven't recorded a podcast in awhile)
Speculating on what Brandon might think about Kevin Love
The end of the Wild season
Gopher football
Are the Gophers better off than they have been in years, overall as an athletic department?
Landon Donovan being left off the USA's World Cup roster

There was some other stuff in there, too. It got strange at times, not least because both Marthalers sound the exact same.

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Episode 58: The Horse ebooks of Politics

Thu, 08 May 2014 03:41:20 GMT

Football scouting expert and temporary Canadian John Sharkman leads us in a draft-heavy episode. We get reeeeeeeal deep as we argue the merits of John Football, Ted Bridgewater, Bork Blatles and more. Spoiler alert: we're praying for Manziel, planning for line depth.

After the honest-to-god legitimate sports conversation, we spend the rest of our time BSing about The Big Lebowski, Bob Ford, the cost of Coronas, and Minnesota bar go-tos.

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Episode 57: You Can't Rope the Wind

Fri, 02 May 2014 03:43:15 GMT

Podcaster Emeritus Michael Rand and his comically verbose pal Rocket make the trek to Sportive HQ and things get real confusing, real fast. We piloted a new thing in which we broach a topic, move on to something else, bring it back up again, forget the original point, get confused, suggest yet another topic, swear at each other, and somehow an hour later we end up at the place we began. A place called Nowhere.

Specific topics:

Rocket referring to Stu as a "box of smashed assholes"
A Sportive Roast
Why hockey twitter sucks
Twins rest-of-season predictions
So much laughing at Rand for backing Pelfrey
Why Mauer sucks (Team Brain Injury vs. Team Lil Joey's Feewings aw Huwt)
Wolves talk, for some reason
Johnny Football vs. Teddy B

And a lot more. This one's not for the faint of heart, that's for sure.

----

Hey, by the way: our podcast is on Stitcher now, too! If that's your podcast app of choice, listen to us there!

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Episode 56: Bathtub Full of Steak Fries

Thu, 24 Apr 2014 03:48:28 GMT

The great Holly Manthei dialed in for her third appearance, chock-full of the scatter-brained nonsense you've come to expect when we all get together. A few of the many items we hit on:

East coast cobblers
Beer science
Sour beers
How to reach your spreads
Grommets 2, the movie
The Mount Rushmore of MN Soccer (somehow includes 45 people)
Girbaud jeans & New Kids on the Block
The true story of what Holly did with her World Cup medal
Meat markets
Hypercolor tees
Peep show booths

We also touched on glory holes and unleashed roughly 75k swears, because of course we did.

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Episode 55: I Don't Broke My Arm

Thu, 17 Apr 2014 03:22:41 GMT

Hockey stats nerd and President of Deutschland Hans Van Slooten joins us on a puck-heavy episode. Discussed:

Wild playoff preview/predictions
Odds Mike Yeo is around next year
Gopher Frozen Four recap
Stu and Jon getting after each other, delightfully
Why we hate UND
Four seconds apiece devoted to the Twins and Vikings
Brandon discussing his team allegiances followed by a chorus of fart sounds

And a bit of Wolves talk just to allow Hans to get a few below-the-belt shots in. Enjoy, puckheads.

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Episode 54: Not Afraid to Touch It

Thu, 10 Apr 2014 03:51:07 GMT

Discussed:

The Twins Bottom 5 Prospects
Wolves/Wild check-ins
Frozen Four preview (which lasted all of 16 seconds)
Brandon offers a tip on how to be a terrible person when friends trash-talk your favorite team
Vikings draft talk, i.e. Team Evil vs. Team Incompetent
Steven Seagal shoutout, natch
MORE "FARGO" TALK, to the delight of absolutely no one

We also brainstorm names to a hypothetical goalie-based skin flick, so to answer your question: yes, we are still morons who enjoy wasting your time.

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Episode 53: The Dog Days of April

Tue, 01 Apr 2014 03:52:27 GMT

Twins Daily guy and bad-movies lover Nick Nelson returns to the fold as we discuss:

Clarence's annual hockey weekend bender
Grandma's wearing puffy paint sweatshirts
The Twins 2015 opening day lineup (we gave up on this season already)
Ed Rosario's strange no-show
Fancy ketchup
Lakers v. Wolves for the billionth time
A bunch of #AskSportive questions

Later, Nick mentions Gleems and lube in the same sentence. You've been warned.

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Episode 52: The David Backes Drawing Card

Thu, 20 Mar 2014 03:31:38 GMT

Brandon didn't make it this week, and neither did our planned guest, and so Stu, Clarence and Jon were left to discuss whatever happened to float through their heads. That included:

Glen Perkins being the most One of Us since Kent Hrbek
Whether Aaron Hicks should begin the season at Triple-A
Pretending to care about Vikings free agency
What to burn if the Vikings don't take a quarterback in the draft
Clarence firing everyone associated with the Wild (it led to a 6-0 win)
If Gopher hockey wins a conference championship and nobody cares, does it make a sound?
Jon getting progressively more worked up as Clarence disagrees with all of his points about college hockey
Stu zoning out and naming his best Steely Dan song ever
Whether Justified or The Americans is a better show
Terrible March Madness picks

In other words: A pretty typical bunch of nonsense.

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Episode 51: A Whole Staff of Noodlers

Tue, 11 Mar 2014 03:49:38 GMT

Gophers beat writer and Hanson fan club member Amelia Rayno joins us this week. We start off with friendly small talk that somehow morphs into a solid 45 minutes of talking about BIGFOOT (yep) and then get to the boring Gopher stuff (tourney chances, Pitino, recruits, etc). Then we discuss Bigfoot some more.

Also mentioned: Detlef Schrempf, ginkgo biloba, lumberjacks, Hooters, whiskey, and Avatar. Pretty magical episode, you guys. We may have peaked on this one.

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Episode 50: Hollering at Ulf Dahlen

Thu, 06 Mar 2014 04:16:42 GMT

Interested in listening to four grown men talk sports while on the verge of tears? You’re in luck. Discussed:

The Wild trades (we’re happy!)
Sano (we're suicidal!)
Twins predictions, including wins, busts and shockers (we're scream-crying, and shaking fists at the sky!)
Stu’s bit about his favorite Science Museum exhibits (we're trying so hard to smile!)
Wolves (we're at full-on waterworks!)

It’s not as depressing as it sounds -- it’s actually worse. Go ahead and listen anyway, though. Misery loves company.

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Episode 49: The Shane Heal of Hockey

Fri, 28 Feb 2014 04:25:49 GMT

It’s a skeleton crew this week as we failed to wrangle a guest and Stu was off Dance Momming it up in BFE for the evening. Though we were unprepared, grumpy, and predicting an unlistenable turd of a show, the episode was surprisingly great. Topics:

Wolves playoff chances and exactly how/why they are f-worded for the foreseeable future (hint: two reasons, and they rhyme with Tip and Flaylor)
The local sports championship we want to see before we die
The harrowing day of Clarence’s birth
Brandon tells his all-time favorite family story which probably isn’t true
Charles Buggs!
A long dissertation on the awfulness of the Big Ten Network

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Episode 48: Defiling Mailboxes

Thu, 20 Feb 2014 04:27:37 GMT

Brian Stensaas is back in the guest saddle this week. Topics:

Some of the worst Reusse impressions you’ll ever hear
Winter vs. Summer olympics
Olympic hockey vs. NHL
Why Kevin Love to the Lakers is an asinine notion
The time Clarence’s dad crashed the Daytona Speedway
Stu brags about his celebrity twitter friends
Clarence’s Western Wisconsin Bar Tour wrap-up
Friendly reminder that the Twins still suck

We also hit our quota on a cappella singing and bashing of Canadians and all non-Americans. Probably doesn't even need to be mentioned at this point.

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Episode 47: Parker's Tween Resort

Tue, 11 Feb 2014 04:50:23 GMT

Twins Daily scribe and dead man walking (MARRIAGE JOKE) Parker Hageman returns to the show to offer exclusive behind-the-scene details of his TLC reality episode.

We also re-tell the Disco Danny Ford story, offer wedding advice, half-heartedly bitch about the Twins and Wild, rekindle our rivalry with those sons of bitches Gleeman & the Geek, run through some sponsored slurs, and spew more of the nonsense you’d expect with a Parker-centric episode.

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Episode 46: Gleeman, Bonnes, and the bar

Fri, 07 Feb 2014 14:23:08 GMT

For this week's Sportive, we actually got out of the house and recorded at a bar, Gleeman and the Geek style - so we figured that we might as well invite Aaron and John on the podcast, as well.

We talked about whether becoming more mainstream had changed anything for the two of them. We also tried to find out if John likes anything besides baseball and Aaron likes anything besides whiskey.

There must have been a few other things discussed, because we went for way over an hour. I can't remember most of them, but I do recall that towards the end, Stu quits listening to what we're saying and starts participating in bar trivia. It's delightful.

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Episode 45: Geek School with Hans Van Slooten

Wed, 29 Jan 2014 04:42:00 GMT

Hockey Reference proprietor Hans Van Slooten joins us as we geek out at length about advanced sports analytics. We talk SRS, Win Probability, regression analyses, correlations, predictive measures and more. Yes, this actually happened, and yes, it was a million times more interesting than it sounds.

After meeting our yearly quota of speaking intelligently, we argue about having the Super Bowl in Minneapolis and then Clarence describes more of his dumb fever dreams. Overall, our least-stupid podcast by a mile. Enjoy.

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Episode 44: Hoyt Wilhelm Invented Meth

Thu, 23 Jan 2014 04:30:00 GMT

Podcaster emeritus Michael Rand joins the crew this week as we:

Yell about the Hall of Fame
Yell about Norv Turner
Decide when to jump back on the Wolves bandwagon
Fail at giving credit to Mike Yeo
Review the outdoor Gopher hockey game
Bitch incessantly about the Twins
Tuck it in our collective waistbands over the promising Gopher hoops

Plus a ton of ageism from Brandon, if that’s your thing.

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Episode 43: Waltzing with Edgar Winter

Thu, 16 Jan 2014 04:42:00 GMT

We got crazy this week and talked about sports almost the entire time. We are as shocked as you are. Agenda:

Gophers/MSU recap, plus another plug for Grand Rapids
Mike Zimmer reaction
Teddy Bridgewater is Clarence's puppy wish (less confusing when you hear it) (maybe)
Trying hard to understand why Norv Turner wouldn't be a mistake
The perfect example to explain why a Zimmer/Manziel combo would be amazing
A new nominee for the Keith Millard Hall of Fame
Bitching about the Wolves
Advanced Wild/hockey stats (seriously)
And most importantly, your reason for listening in the first place: a Mike Muscala update

We also bitch about Ponder and congratulate ourselves for never being wrong about anything, but that's a given at this point.

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Episode 42: If You Have Your Own Pool Cue, You're Probably A Murderer

Thu, 09 Jan 2014 04:35:00 GMT

We've regrouped from the previous episode to bring you an effort with MUCH better sound and MUCH worse content. The topics at hand:

More Wild talk
Let's all calm down about the underachieving Wolves
New Years resolutions
Bar game power rankings
Our brilliant scheme to get Jonathan Football on the Vikes
Brandon tries to sell you all on Grand Rapids
Clarence's moustache strategy

Even for our standards, this was a long and wayward episode. We appreciate and are confused by your continued patronage, and hope to one day sit with you for a spirited sesh of naked lady photo hunt.

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The Christmas Episode

Tue, 31 Dec 2013 20:12:17 GMT

Two days after Christmas, we all went over to Aaron Gleeman's house and recorded a podcast. Because of the noise, and the echoes in Aaron's unfurnished basement, the result is virtually unlistenable, but we had an excellent time doing it. Brandon was actually in the studio for once, Stu was in fine form, and Jon was wearing headphones for some reason for the whole time. Also, thanks to the following people for being guests:

Heather Balgaard
Dylan Dragswiek
Holly Manthei
Nick Nelson
Michael Rand
Aaron Gleeman
Parker Hageman
Zach Floyd
Patrick Donnelly
John Sharkman, live via satellite... well, via tape delay at least
Stu's wife Mandy
Jon's girlfriend Lisa

Please pardon this disaster, and merry Christmas!

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Episode 41: Walking out on Starship, with Patrick Donnelly

Thu, 19 Dec 2013 04:56:00 GMT

ESPN1500’s Patrick Donnelly pops his Sportive cherry as we discuss:

The all-time best Gopher basketball player names
The punchable Bo Ryan
New Ulm festivals
Our most-hated Germans
Sid and TK tales
Pelfrey the Super Soldier
Johnny Football (Clarence is at full mast) and the Vikes draft outlook
Even more tangents than usual

And Stu drops some BREAKING NEWS by revealing the person behind the “Carl Gerbschmidt” character. Good talk, have a listen.

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Episode 40: Thick in the Britches

Thu, 12 Dec 2013 04:32:00 GMT

The playlist for this music-centric episode:

- Vikings Draft Breakdown, featuring Johnny Football

- More Wolves Arguing featuring Hobbie Rummel

- Un-fun Wild Projections featuring Dany Heatley's corpse

- Our Pessimistic Twins Outlook featuring Matt Garza's soul patch

- And most importantly, our long-anticipated top-5 songs off “Rumours” segment

We also solidified our standing as the internet’s premier place for updates on Rock & Roll Zumhofe. And as usual, singing and cat sounds.

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Episode 39: Windmilling WHIPs with Nick Nelson

Thu, 05 Dec 2013 04:29:00 GMT

The Sports Fist welcomes first-time guest and freestyle enthusiast Nick Nelson to do a deep dive on the recent signings of Rocky Nabisco and Paulie Huge. Nelson at one point predicted the 2014 hometown nine could “be sort of in it for maybe a while,” clearly giving absolutely zero effs about the ramifications of what could be seen as overly bold prognosticating.

After the Twins talk, we for-real argue about the Wolves, engage in our now-famous Guest Interrogation and discuss terrible Christmas songs. Also Nick mentions his love for Twista. Good stuff.

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Episode 38: The John Bonnes Barf Cab

Tue, 26 Nov 2013 04:14:00 GMT

Clarence returns to the fold as we discuss:

- The Luc Shake-Shake-Shake Mbah A Moute trade (Stu gives a B-, Brandon a C-)

- Patrick Roy rant from Clarence

- Gopher hoops and football

- Vikings rest of season outlook (forecast: NOT GREAT)

- A St. Cloud State hockey rant from Clarence

- Our Christmas podcast teaser

- Thanksgiving dinner options

- Random odds and ends: the Dookie & Nacho cop drama, Killwagon murders, the Ypsilanti Bucks and tailored sweatpants.

Really enjoyed this one.

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Episode 37: Outstate Mad Libs, with Josh Fiedler

Thu, 21 Nov 2013 04:26:00 GMT

Since Clarence abandoned us again, we brought in a guest who’s even more Clarence than Clarence himself. Josh Fiedler joined us for an episode so Outstate Minnesota the only way you’ll be able to hear it is by leaning on a 1989 i-Roc. Topics (I swear to god this is what we talked about) include:

- Best country songs

- Josh’s insider scorched-earth stories from his days as a Vikings writer (Rosey, Wobby and PA take a hit)

- Stearns County dive bars

- Bloody mary recipes

- Super Tecmo Bowl

- Zubaz

- Canning (?)

- Rock picking (???)

Like I said, super outstate. Nice thing is, if you get through the whole thing a free pair of Carhartt coveralls will pop out of your computer’s CD drive. So that’s something.

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Episode 36: The Gravy Period

Mon, 18 Nov 2013 02:44:00 GMT

Clarence was MIA this week so we didn’t hit our quota of government conspiracies, ethnic food rants and f-words. What we did discuss:

Mauer and the Coom Trap (great band name, btw)
Caroling with Gleeman and the Geek
Playing “Will This Last” featuring the Wolves
Carnie homicides
The reason for the Gopher football turnaround
Halfhearted shrugging over the Wild, Vikings and Gopher hoops
A cappella performances by Sarah McLachlan and GNR

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Ep 35: Generally voted down with Michael Rand

Thu, 07 Nov 2013 04:22:00 GMT

The Strib’s digital hotshot and illegal pug-breeder Michael Rand joins the crew for their usual gab sesh that includes:

- Griping about the Wolves and Wild even though they’re competent

- Regrettably optimistic Gopher football reactions

- Laughing for an hour straight at Ponder’s hail mary toss

- Gopher basketball preview

- BREAKING NEWS about a recruit that's picking Minnesota

- Odds & ends that include Gopher puck, live-broadcasting the CMAs, Spielman bashing and uncalled-for Taylor Swift potshots. Plus some a cappella Axl for those that stick around to the end.

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Episode 34: The Curly-Headed Pylon

Thu, 31 Oct 2013 03:33:00 GMT

What we learned this week:

- There are a few reasons to continue watching the Vikings, none of them are valid

- Draft strategies with Stu Kiper

- Brandon is done griping about Flip (lie)

- College football is the best

- The Jerry Kill situation is...complicated

- The Wild are terrible

- The Sports Fist is always right and should be running every sports organization in Minnesota

- We've never heard of the Gleeman & the Geek podcast

Plus asides and sound glitches and unfair tit-yanking of Jon. Solid episode, gang. Time to press play.

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Episode 33: The Conundrum of Pants

Fri, 18 Oct 2013 04:18:00 GMT

A few of the many hundred topics touched on tonight by the Sports Fist:

Hating the Cardinals
Brandon’s GM plan for the Wolves
Another round of #asksportive
Clarence’s supper club
Dancing grandmas
Toddler swears
Whether or not RT Rybak plays for the Lynx

Thanks to the listener questions and to Mrs. Stu for providing the laugh track.

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Episode 32: That's in Psalms

Thu, 10 Oct 2013 04:01:00 GMT

If you came here expecting anything less than 2 hours of rants, you have come to the wrong place. But for those who love misery and want company, listen to us whine about:

- Country music

- The Zucker demotion and the Wild in general

- Giving up hope that Rick Spielman knows what he’s doing

- Same with Terry Ryan

- A passionate game of TeamStupid vs TeamApathetic re: the Pohlads

- Why the Wolves will suck

- Why being a Minnesota sports fan is so damn miserable

- Mangria

On the bright side, we do compliment Liza Minnelli and offer some uncanny Borat impressions, so it’s not all bad. (Yeah it is.)

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Episode 31: Braveheart and an Irish Childhood

Thu, 26 Sep 2013 04:02:56 GMT

We're one man short this week, but Clarence, Jon, and Stu got together to talk about the following:

How depressing the Vikings are
How depressing the Twins are
How depressing it is that Terry Ryan doesn't understand what things cost
How depressing the outdoor hockey situation is
How depressed should we be about the Wild?

It's not all bad, though. We do talk about Val's in St. Cloud, and encourage all listeners to send strange mail to Mike Rand.

Please, click below and have a listen.

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Episode 30: Ken Pottymouth and the Sports Fist

Wed, 18 Sep 2013 04:10:00 GMT

The guys invite #GrandDrunkRailroad mastermind and Perkins Speedball inventor Parker Hageman on to give an event recap, followed by:

A recap of Vikings/Bears (long sighs)
Our 2014 Vikes QB watch (#Tank4Teddy/#Blow4Brett)
The Jerry Kill situaish (...)
A reluctant Wild preview (zzzzz)
The future of the Twins (Parker and Brandon were 30 wins apart on their 2014 predictions)

Plus our typical jackassery. And finally, because we can't resist sabotoging any potential threat of mainstream accessibility, we unveil a new and much improved podcast name. Think you can handle The Sports Fist? Click play to find out. [Six straight minutes of sound effects]

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Episode 29: At Least the Kicker Played Well

Mon, 09 Sep 2013 02:06:00 GMT

Most of this episode is devoted to grousing over an expected yet still annoying Vikings loss. We hate on Ponder and the LBs, try our best to find some bright spots, pick out our QBs for next season and preview the upcoming Bears game.

Plus we talk Evil Rand, the Pickle Factory, Twins, Gophers and the time Disco Danny Ford taught a young Stu how to swear. We're also proud to report we exceeded our quota of jug yanking, finger-pointing and shots-firing. No surprise there.

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Episode 28: Plan your twerk and twerk your plan

Tue, 27 Aug 2013 03:46:00 GMT

Hoooooo boy, not sure where to start. The Strib’s Michael Rand sat in as we toed the line between serious & juvenile like never before. First we list Minnesota towns that sound like sex acts, then preview the Gopher football season. Ponder’s future, then twerk captains. A potential Sano call-up, then more sex acts. High school football, then dairy princesses. Soccer, spies, and so on. As for the result, we guarantee at least a half-dozen belly laughs or your money back.

(And though it was mentioned numerous times on the podcast, we should put in writing that Rand had nothing to do with any of the lewd jokes. Those were pretty much all Clarence. Glorious, disgusting, smartly anonymous Clarence.)

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Episode 27: Haters Love Us

Wed, 21 Aug 2013 03:38:00 GMT

First the fellas give sponsor @CD12Josh advice on parenting, wedding, youth sports and how to suggest a threesome, then move on to less serious topics such as Miguel Sano, firing shots at Zgoda, stretch jeans, more Ponder bitching and manthrax. Don’t even ask.

And there was this, from Clarence: “Just give me some goddamn ketchup, you stupid asshole.”

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Episode 26: Hunter Weeks, Segways, and Old Folks

Wed, 14 Aug 2013 02:57:00 GMT

This week’s guest is documentary filmmaker Hunter Weeks. Yes, for the first time in Sportive history we chatted with someone who actually contributes to society in a positive manner. Hunter discusses his past and upcoming projects, and in between we meet our BS quota by talking about chafing, the long tail, forums for the geriatric-obsessed (a real thing), and lots of fantasy football. This one’s short on nonsense and long on insights, and no one is more surprised than us.

We’d love some rube support for Hunter’s latest doc, so if you’re in the giving mood please visit the Kickstarter for his most recent film. It’s a whole lot better than funding our podcast, the funds of which will just be stolen by Clarence to build more barricades around his compound in Whereverthefuck, Minnesota.

Say no to Clarence. Say yes to Hunter.

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Episode 25: Chapstick and a Bottle of Thunderbird

Fri, 09 Aug 2013 03:08:00 GMT

Manziel! Pekovic! Dozier! Albers! Nicks! Henley! Potato guns! Upside-down Canada! Frolf! Stacy Karosi! Cocoa skin? Cocoa skin! The fellas bring the half-serious sports chatter and glorious randomness you’ve come to expect/ignore. Click here for laughs.

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Episode 24: The Gateway Drug Of Swears

Wed, 31 Jul 2013 04:19:00 GMT

The full squad is in appearance to welcome media superstar and Minnetonka Man Aaron Gleeman for his second appearance. We spent most of our time on the Vikings season preview which included predictions, AP and Clarence's traditional 20-minute rant about Ponder.

Beyond that, a short list of tangents: gambling suggestions, Corduroy Papasan, swingers, Gallagher, Shakespeare, our weekly #firingshots segment, missing kidneys and boner pills. So much talk about boner pills. (Probably too much.)

Anyway, a damn fun episode on all accounts. Click play ONLY if you enjoy happiness, laughter and good times.

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Episode 23: Stick up for your sports buddies

Wed, 24 Jul 2013 03:45:00 GMT

The fearful foursome return w/ a guestless breakdown of the hottest of hot sports takes. We tackle Ryan Braun, steroids, Challen, Anthony Weiner, a spot-on Rush Limbaugh impression, a brief Gardy rant, firing shots at Zgoda and, oh why the hell not, some jai-alai.

Everything you've come to expect from The Sportive -- the tangents, dropped calls, lack of preparation, indecipherable references, a cappella singing, twitter shoutouts -- makes an appearance. We are BACK, friends, and back with a vengeance whimper.

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Episode 22: Please Stand By

Sat, 20 Jul 2013 23:48:22 GMT

What you are (hopefully) about to download is effectively two episodes stiched together - a Frankenepisode, if you will. Basically, we started recording with Brian Stensaas, got about 20 minutes in, and then the computer died. We later recovered the data from the crash, but by that time it was two days later, so Stu and Jon recorded another 40 minutes and grafted that onto the end of the original episode.

We are not good at this.

We talk British Open and Wild with Clarence and Brian, then Twins and Timberwolves with Stu and Jon, and it's all a little disjointed.

I would say bear with us because it'll be better next week, but past experience says that's just not something we can promise.

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The Sportive After Dark

Wed, 10 Jul 2013 19:21:36 GMT

We've promised this episode a few times, but it's finally here (by which we mean our planning was finally bad enough that we don't have an actual episode this week.) Every so often, we stick around and shoot the breeze after the podcast is actually over, and sometimes we remember to record it. This episode is an amalgamation of three of these - following episodes 10, 11, and 17. You'll hear guests Parker Hageman, Jesse Lund, and Ladonna, along with the usual crew. Among other things, we talk about:

The history of the podcast
DiamondCentric moonshine
A Rosemount pub crawl (which later became the genesis of #StearnsCountyPartyBus)
Bad weather and the Legends club
How the mixer actually works
Burger ratings
Abe Lincoln and slavery
The two worst Bill Clinton impressions of all time

We hope to be back next week, but if you listen to this podcast, you know that nothing we say can ever be trusted.

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Episode 21: And yes, David Kahn is Jeffrey Dahmer

Wed, 03 Jul 2013 03:34:00 GMT

Against all odds, the guys actually talk about Minnesota sports this week. Brandon rants for a good long while about Flip, then the gang craps on the Twins for a while before righting the karmic teeter-totter by extending some deserved Glen Perkins love. Later, the episode devolves into our traditional riffs and asides (frozen Charleston Chews FTW) until we all fall asleep.

Don’t let the lack of guests dissuade you, rubes. This one’s worth your while.

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Episode 20: Death in the Grand Canyon

Thu, 27 Jun 2013 04:21:49 GMT

This week, we're joined by our longtime friend Dylan Dragswiek, who is both a Timberwolves season ticket holder (which makes him an NBA Draft expert) and a well-known doer of insane deeds (which makes him completely crazy.) We talk about what the Wolves should do in the NBA Draft, our excitement level for Kyle Gibson, and about all of the stupid, stupid things that Dylan has done, most of which involve running incredibly long distances in forbidding conditions for no good reason. We hope you'll tune in. (If you do so after the draft, be sure to rewind and listen to it twice.)

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Episode 19: It's Not Your Fault, Clarence

Fri, 21 Jun 2013 03:18:00 GMT

Twins blogging godfather John Bonnes stops by to talk the Dells, #dadbros, horse jerky, breakfast Chipotle, philly cheesesteaks, sandwich threesomes, BatGirl, the unending temptation to quit writing, Sano as the Grand Canyon and a decent amount of Twins talk. Plus -- and you’re gonna have a hard time believing this -- we had technical difficulties and swore about a million times. How we roll.

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Episode 18: The Stearns County Party Bus

Thu, 13 Jun 2013 05:00:40 GMT

This week, we had #StearnsCountyPartyBus organizer Parker Hageman on to walk us through the experience of taking a party bus with a bunch of Internet friends to a Northwoods League game. We also talked a lot about minor-league baseball, a lot about the MLB draft, and a little about the Stanley Cup Finals - specifically, who we should cheer for, Boston or Chicago.

We hope you'll listen. We always say it's a good one, but we really mean it this time.

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Episode 17: Terribly uncouth

Fri, 07 Jun 2013 04:12:00 GMT

TwinkieTown boss Jesse Lund and his lady friend Ladonna join the crew to talk Twins, NBA finals, I-Rocs, freestyling, Todd Van Poppel, Dukes of Hazzard, NHL playoffs, Hines Ward, beaver pelts, overblown mammaries, Michael Douglas, pathetic Steve Phillips, Edith Bunker and much more.

It's the unfocused banter you've come to expect with a huge extra helping of laffs. Really fun one, have yerself a listen.

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Episode 16: Hinkle is Einhorn

Thu, 30 May 2013 03:38:00 GMT

This week, podcaster emeritus Michael Rand joins us to recap the 2013 edition of the Great Baseball Road Trip, which visited Des Moines, Kansas City, and Cedar Rapids (and, much to Clarence's chagrin, went to a soccer game as well.)

We talk Byron Buxton, review the ongoing disaster that is the Twins, and try (and fail) to talk about the hockey playoffs. Plus: all of the tangents you've come to expect, up to and including a mention of Sixto Lezcano.

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Episode 15: The Cheeseburger Tab

Tue, 21 May 2013 04:23:42 GMT

The squad was so intimidated by the genius mind of special guest and Star Tribune web-geek Brian Stensaas that we spent the first 20 minutes engaging in nervous polite banter. But we loosened up soon enough and hit on such topics as insane Packers fans, frontrunning, Bo Ryan being an asshole, bachelor party tips, party tacos, microfiche and how to break into college stadiums.

Also: Clarence provides a few details about his near-arrest, Brandon launches into an unprompted bitchfest about lacrosse, Stu drops out after uttering like eight words and, later, some actual no-nonsense Twins talk. All in all, it's the confusing, curse-happy, tirade-laden bro-gab session you've come to rely on.

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Episode 14: Spoken like a true baby

Thu, 16 May 2013 03:41:00 GMT

Twins blogging godfather and noted social butterfly Aaron Gleeman joins what may be the most tangent-filled podcast in history. A few topics, and yes this is for real: cro-magnon men, Psycho T, Greg Popovich, insecure media members, coal miners, internet friend meet-ups, Japanese waitresses, dance moms marathons, homers, party buses and, finally, a good solid 20 seconds of Twins analysis.

And that isn't the half of it. Some rock-solid nonsense awaits, friends. Thanks for your patronage.

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Episode 13: "Pretend GMs and brown spaghetti"

Sat, 11 May 2013 05:20:10 GMT

If you name your podcast "The Sportive," every once in a while you gotta talk sports. Sadly guestless this week, the squad talks Wild, a Flip/Brewster comparison and whether Arcia is the new Morneau before delving into a long discussion about Clarence's insane eating habits. Plus we meet our weekly quota of asides, shoutouts and off-key singing.

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Episode 12: Six Flags Over Kentucky

Fri, 03 May 2013 05:31:20 GMT

Special guest Holly Manthei, our most famous guest ever, joins us in our second episode this week. We discuss:

How to pronounce Manthei
Blind taste tests
The liquor store that Clarence won't step foot in again
Going to the Kentucky Derby without ever seeing a horse
How often is everyone drunk at the Flying Dog Brewery?
Pretentious beer-tasting terms
Wild Game 1 against the Blackhawks
Male vs. female locker room humor
Don Cherry, the Sid Hartman of Canada
Holly Manthei, American hero
The soccer
Are the Dallas Stars changing their name?
The NWSL. No, seriously
JOFA haircuts
David Kahn is a dink
How to mail beer

And at the end Clarence shows up again.

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Episode 11: Advanced scouting and helicopter reports

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 12:56:11 GMT

TwinsDaily.com's expert GIF-maker and proud guttermouth Parker Hageman hoists a few cold ones with the squad as we discuss:

- Kevin Correia's deal with the devil

- Plouffe as Dorn

- An overdue scouting report on Denard Span

- Another goddamn analysis of St. Cloud neighborhoods

- The Wild's playoff chances

- Clarence's plan to fix the Wolves (spoiler: literally blow up the Target Center)

- Ponder vs. Tebow

Plus a few dozen tangents and meandering stories, but that much should be a given by now.

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Episode 10: A Starbucks Neighborhood, or a Tim Horton's Neighborhood?

Tue, 23 Apr 2013 03:57:59 GMT

Special guest John Sharkman joins the four of us this week, and we discuss:

The Melrose Meat Shoppe
Hysteria in Toronto over the Maple Leafs
Disaster at the Xcel Energy Center
Dwayne Schintzius
… an interlude for a Mike Max imitation
The real main focus of our podcast: Parenting advice (and why Brandon hates McDonald's)
How John started playing racquetball with Twins closer Glen Perkins
The Vikings and Manti Te'o and the NFL Draft
Sharkman, who played the game, gives the final word on Christian Ponder
How the snow is affecting the Twins season
Fastpitch softball in Dawson, MN
A couple of Telly Hughes stories
A couple of Robby Incmikoski stories
A story about John's grandma and Tom Hanneman
Denver Nuggets star La Velle E. McNeal

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Episode 9: Soccer fixes and burrito cannons

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 04:56:46 GMT

Special guest Dana Wessel of the Internet sits in on an episode that includes:

- The Wolves outlook for next season

- Ideas to fix soccer

- Insane Brewers fans

- Poker runs

- Off-air murders

- Mike Max impressions

- The inaugural edition of Why You're Wrong

- NBA playoffs preview

- Deja Vu VIP memberships

And dozens more tangents and jokes throughout. Real talk: best Sportive yet.

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Episode 8: The whole point of yoga

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 04:39:57 GMT

In this episode, we talk Rich Pitino's hiring, the three things that can stop the Wild making the playoffs, the Aaron Hicks disaster, and the Timberwolves offseason (even though nobody wants to talk about the Wolves.) Plus, we cover frosted tips and wearing puka shells on the reg, school funding in Cannon Falls, the natural ally of the Rosemount HS graduate, and the location of Quinnipiac. In other words, everything is covered.

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Episode 7: The Full McConaughey

Sun, 31 Mar 2013 14:25:10 GMT

A super-sized episode that includes celebrating the Tubby news, believing in the Wild, firing shots at Phil Mackey, pouting over Gopher puck, agreeing that college athletes shouldn't be paid, awful impressions and as always, more singing.

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Episode 6: Nuts or Face, Go Rosemount

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 12:56:38 GMT

In this episode, Mike Rand joins us to talk about Matt Cassel vs. Christian Ponder, Gopher hoops at the NCAA tournament, Aaron Hicks' service time, our excitement about the Wild, whether Gopher women's hockey or men's basketball should be the bigger story, and some NCAA tournament picks. Plus, Stu tells the story behind #GOHUSKIESWOOOOO, the hashtag that's sweeping the nation.

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Episode 5: Spielman as Costanza

Thu, 14 Mar 2013 04:23:51 GMT

This week we discuss the Percy trade, Dany Heatley, The Gophers returning to form (i.e. being terrible), Rubio, some anonymous shots fired to Twins homers and our customary Twitter shout-outs. No singing this week, sadly, but we did work in another potshot at Dino Ciccarelli. So that's something.

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Episode 4: Pardon me, Queen of England

Thu, 07 Mar 2013 05:34:44 GMT

The fellas fumble through ten minutes of god knows what before settling into our bread & butter: the HOT SPORTZ TAKES that you've come to rely on.

We talk Gophers (recorded before the Nebraska loss ughhhhh), Charch hating, Rubio as a scrappy two-hitter, #nachos4ricky, boners over Aaron Hicks, Gibson to the pen, the memorable Michael Jenkins and some heartfelt a-cappellas from Clarence thrown in for good measure.

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The Sportive, episode 3: Andrew da Vinci Clay

Thu, 21 Feb 2013 05:15:04 GMT

The vaunted third episode features the foursome talking bar hopping, asbestos, Gopher hoops, our first #shotsfired, the Wolves roster options, unsuccessful attempts to cheer each other up about the Twins, outdoor puck, Warren Moon, and NBA ideas from Clarence so deranged you'll weep for a society that allows an unhinged maniac like him to walk the streets a free man.

And as always, we exceed the quota of laughs and random asides. Listen and share, friends.

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The Sportive, episode 2: You're Welcome, Bettman

Wed, 13 Feb 2013 04:43:17 GMT

Stu, Jon and Brandon bat around Percy trade scenarios, get real on Gophers hoops, sigh for ten minutes about the Wolves, argue like crazy about another terrible idea from Brandon to save hockey (Clarence will lose his mind when he hears it) and shrug about wrestling. Stu also offers his firstborn to David Eckstein at one point. Enjoy.

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The Sportive, episode 1: The Keith Millard Hall of Fame

Sun, 10 Feb 2013 18:43:28 GMT

The team talks hockey, spies, Wolves, David Kahn's corduroy suits, sasquatches, a Twins preview and tangents aplenty.

(Note: the audio needs improvements. Working on it.)

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