Strangers on the Internet

Guest Chat: Tradwives with Prof. Dara Purvis

Mon, 16 Mar 2026 14:43:05 GMT

In this episode, Irina welcomes Temple University law professor Dara Purvis for a lively conversation about tradwives. Who are tradwives and to whom do they target their social media content? What do we know about their lives, and do they nostalgically portray a past that perhaps never existed? Dara explains why tradwife content isn't just superficial entertainment and represents part of a larger cultural and legal movement to erode women's rights and desire for equality. She also delves into how the attack on trans rights not only victimizes trans individuals but is rather also a move to enforce rigid gender stereotypes for everyone. Warning: this episode may make you laugh at times and rage at others!

Prof. Dara Purvis's faculty profile

SOTI ep. 89: Having It All with Dr. Corinne Low

NYT piece on how tradwife content is actually for men who want submissive wives

Mother Jones article about how tradwives are thriving in the post-Dobbs era

NPR essay asking what tradwife content says about feminism today

The Cut piece about how tradwives represent a fake past

Picture of wooden dust pan

Melinda Wenner Moyer's book on how to raise kids who aren't assholes

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Guest Chat: She's Under Here with Karen Palmer

Mon, 26 Jan 2026 16:23:10 GMT

On this episode, Irina speaks with author Karen Palmer whose recent memoir "She's Under Here" has left people gasping. To protect her two daughters and herself from her abusive and dangerous ex-husband Gil, the California native went into hiding with her family for two decades. Essentially creating a do-it-yourself witness protection plan, Karen used her graphic skills to create new identities several states away from the man who threatened to kill her. Follow her tale from her Catholic upbringing that resulted in having to give up her first baby after birth in the same place where her birth mother had done the same, to her wild Vegas trip at seventeen with much older boss Gil, to a life filled with joy with the love of her life Vinnie. You won't want to miss the story of a woman who has had to fight for everything she has!

Karen Palmer’s website

Karen’s book “She’s Under Here”

Article in The Guardian about Karen’s story and book

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Guest Chat: Finding Your Beshert with Dr. Jo-Ellen Pozner and Dr. Benjamin Zeitlin

Tue, 13 Jan 2026 00:39:26 GMT

Irina talks to Santa Clara business school professor Jo-Ellen Pozner and Scottish scientist Benjamin Zeitlin about how they found each other two decades ago the old-fashioned way: on JDate. They discuss the infamous Chicago Art Institute smoked fish incident, their resolution of the two-body problem, and their move into their California marital home after never having lived in the same city at all. The couple shares their thoughts about antisemitism across their lifetime, media depictions of Jewish relationships, and the recipe to a happy marriage. You won't want to miss this joyful episode about love, culture, and communication!

Jo-Ellen’s website

Benjamin’s LinkedIn

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Guest Chat: Beard with Kelly Foster Lundquist

Mon, 01 Dec 2025 20:00:00 GMT

In this episode, Irina welcomes writer and professor Kelly Foster Lundquist who recently published the book "Beard: A Memoir of a Marriage." Raised as a pastor's daughter in Mississippi, little did Kelly know that the man with whom she fell in love as fellow counselors at a Christian camp would deceive her and himself about his sexuality. Their story largely unfolds in Chicago, while Kelly is--of all things--a PhD student in queer studies. Suspicious events begin piling up, including with Kelly finding suspicious pictures of men on her husband Devin's computer. Subjected to conversion "therapy" when younger, Devin becomes both victim and cheater, until the marriage inevitably crumbles. Kelly narrates her tale of survival and ultimately rekindled friendship with Devin, also commenting on what LGBTQ+ populations still face in America today. Come hear a tale that will take you on an emotional rollercoaster replete with love, food, alcohol, and redemption!

Kelly Foster Lundquist’s website

Kelly’s book “Beard: A Memoir of a Marriage”

Kelly’s faculty profile

Article in The Times about Kelly’s story and book

Article in People that Kelly authored about beards

SOTI ep. 84: Pride Month Special (Part 1)

SOTI ep. 85: Pride Month Special (Part 2)

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Guest Chat: Second Chapter with Natalie Licini

Mon, 03 Nov 2025 23:17:47 GMT

Irina welcomes on this episode Natalie Licini, a photographer and business owner whose rags-to-riches story will make your head spin. Natalie grew up poor and at times on food stamps in Staten Island, where she sometimes lacked a coat in winter and physical fights in school were the norm. Taking on every odd job she could find from flipping burgers to running a manicure operation from her dorm room, Natalie hustled her way through high school and the five colleges she attended. While it took her nine years to finish her bachelor's degree at NYU due to all that life threw at her, she became a respected executive assistant at a major Wall Street firm. How the mom of three took on a top New Jersey divorce lawyer by herself to fight for her rights and now runs a photography business out of a castle, along with other ventures, is part and parcel of this episode. Come hear about how not to be afraid of start over, again and again if needed, and thrive with your head kept high!

Natalie Licini’s website

Natalie’s IG

SOTI ep. 22: Dating and Mental Health

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Guest Chat: Suing the Bad Guys with Laura Koistinen

Mon, 13 Oct 2025 14:03:36 GMT

On this episode, Irina talks with employment attorney Laura Koistinen from the Law Office of Kevin Mintzer, which has taken on Harvey Weinstein, Andrew Cuomo, and FoxNews, among others. Named a Rising Star by Super Lawyers since 2020, Laura has challenged problematic employers from her early days as a junior attorney in Portland, Oregon to today in New York City. She is part of the team representing actor Julia Ormond against Weinstein, CAA, and Disney, and explains why victims are afraid to come forward whether they face sexual harassment, employment discrimination, or both. Laura shares the many legal obstacles facing mistreated employees but also the progress that has been made (and will need to continue to be). Come join for fascinating insights from a life fighting for justice!

Laura Koistinen’s professional profile

Julia Ormond’s lawsuit against Weinstein, CAA, and Disney: Rolling Stone write-up

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Guest Chat: Having It All with Dr. Corinne Low

Tue, 16 Sep 2025 13:27:39 GMT

Irina and Michelle have the pleasure of welcoming Wharton professor and economist Dr. Corinne Low, the author of the new book (out September 23, 2025) "Having It All: What Data Tells Us About Women's Lives and Getting the Most Out of Yours." Part autobiography and part comprehensive economic analysis, the book is chock-full of eye-opening practical advice on how to examine and lead one's life in a way that maximizes so-called personal utility. What is the economic cost to women of picking a problematic romantic partner or of experiencing sexual discrimination or harassment in their jobs? Do women really need to be more like men at work? How do legal policies and cultural expectations need to change to create a fairer world for everyone? While a recent article in "The Cut" focused on how Corinne increased her happiness between a first marriage to a man and a second to a woman, Irina and Michelle take a deep dive into the research side and the many different ways to change your life!

Dr. Corinne Low's website

Corinne's faculty profile

Having It All book

Corinne's Substack

The Cut article about Corinne

Corinne's Bluesky, IG, and Facebook profiles

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The Dating Professors: Where You End and I Begin

Tue, 19 Aug 2025 19:00:31 GMT

What are boundaries and how do you enforce them? Irina and Michelle delve into why these questions aren't as simple as they may appear. People who weren't taught to draw boundaries as children (or in fact had them disregarded) often struggle to deny requests in adulthood and stand their ground without guilt. How can you learn to respect yourself and make sure others respect you as well or get out of your life? The Dating Professors work through every step of the struggle and share what kind of line drawing doesn't come easily to them.

SOTI ep. 36: Therapy Speak as Relationship Abuse

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The Dating Professors: Where Have the Men Gone?

Mon, 04 Aug 2025 13:11:28 GMT

A recent op-ed in the New York Times by Rachel Drucker asked "Men, Where Have You Gone?", followed by reader responses from men. Drucker lamented men withdrawing from the romantic public sphere and seeking stimulation over connection. At best, according to Drucker, single men would be willing to entertain situationships rather than relationships. Irina and Michelle discuss in this episode whether they think Drucker is right and what they make of the reader responses. Are respondents right that expectations for men have just gotten too confusing? Or that it makes sense for them to withdraw from dating if otherwise they risk being put on blast on social media if a woman does not like their behavior? Let's dive in!

Rachel Drucker's NYT op-ed "Men, Where Have You Gone?"

Reader responses to the NYT op-ed

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Guest Chat: Total Eclipse of the Heart with Monica and Will

Tue, 22 Jul 2025 03:22:27 GMT

Irina and Michelle have the pleasure on this episode to talk to newlyweds Monica and Will. The academic mom and enrollment manager dad blended their families after a magical year-ish together. Find out how Monica used a dating consultant to make the best choices and Will finally escaped some confusing vegetable emoji games. Did their solar eclipse date seal the deal for these two romantics that buy matching shirts and broke all their own rules about not getting married or moving in together with a new partner? Join us for an unbearably cute episode about love that overcomes grief, skepticism, and any other challenge.

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Pride Month Special: Hollywood Dreams with Chris Peckover and Shannon Short (Part 2)

Mon, 07 Jul 2025 10:54:25 GMT

The Dating Professors continue their conversation with Hollywood darlings Chris Peckover and Shannon Short. You better get the tissues ready for this part as Irina and Michelle learn how both Chris and Shannon escaped the Grim Reaper in quick succession. Between dramatic car rides to the hospital and emergency surgeries, these true partners refused to leave each other's side throughout. Listen also to how--long before meeting Chris--Shannon had married his best friend Christine (!) after trying to "pray the gay away" via conversion therapy, and how she was the one who ultimately set him free. This episode is one heartwarming tale about how love and science saved Chris and Shannon's hearts and how one of them sometimes needs to pull over in sheer awe of their lives.

Chris Peckover's IMDB

Shannon Short's IMDB

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Pride Month Special: Hollywood Dreams with Chris Peckover and Shannon Short (Part 1)

Tue, 24 Jun 2025 12:46:17 GMT

Happy Pride! This episode follows the epic love story of filmmaker (and Irina's friend from college) Chris Peckover and costume designer Shannon Short. Hear how Chris randomly contacted Shannon based on a cute Facebook picture and then drove from L.A. to San Diego for a date before Shannon had to embark on a cruise ship for a six-week work trip. Did Chris really go from being a pre-med swimmer at Yale to making one of the most popular Christmas-themed horror movies of all times? And did Branson-born Shannon journey from being homeless in his car in Texas to creating Emmy-nominated costume work in Hollywood after being discovered by the makers of The Mandalorian? For a tale worthy of the sparkliest California dreams, join Michelle and Irina for a two-part episode you won't want to miss!

Chris Peckover's IMDB

Shannon Short's IMDB

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Guest Chat: The Comic Con Artist with Kate (Part 2)

Mon, 09 Jun 2025 12:14:36 GMT

Irina and Michelle continue their conversation with Southern attorney Kate, which traces the aftermath of her discovery of Doug's true identity. Just how dangerous was Doug? How did Kate unmask him and get away relatively quickly? And how did his cat blow Doug's cover when he was trying to run an empathy scam on one of his sugar babies?? For all that and more on the denouement of a supervillain's tale and Kate's exit from it, tune into part 2 of this caper!

SOTI ep. 82: The Comic Con Artist with Kate (Part 1)

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Guest Chat: The Comic Con Artist with Kate (Part 1)

Mon, 26 May 2025 14:54:24 GMT

Irina and Michelle have on this episode the wild tale of Kate, a successful lawyer and mom in her 50s in the Southern United States, and the same-aged man she met on Feeld while traveling, Doug (both pseudonyms). Doug seemed like the perfect boyfriend in many respects, and Kate dated him for three months long distance while he lived in a different Southern state. Doug claimed to be working at sci-fi conventions and concert venues, yet he somehow hardly seemed to leave his home and was constantly broke. Nothing could have prepared Kate, however, for the revelations of a group of women known as "The Club" who found her on social media. Did Doug really engage in cancer charity and GoFundMe frauds? Was he dating women his age only to fund his sugar baby habit? And what was up with the rumors that he may have killed his own father? Come join us for part 1 of this breathtaking story!

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The Dating Professors: Happy Relationship Memories

Tue, 13 May 2025 02:08:00 GMT

What makes for a happy moment in a romantic relationship? Irina and Michelle walk down memory lane to share some of their favorites. Travel, rain, cupcakes, protests, and discussions of "body counts" all make an appearance in this episode. Escape dreariness for a bit with the Dating Professors as you remember some of your own special past moments upon hearing theirs!

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The Dating Professors: Why Are U.S. Women Shunning Marriage?

Tue, 29 Apr 2025 00:05:22 GMT

As the Wall Street Journal and other sources have discussed recently, more and more women in the United States are stopping their search for a man to marry. Why is this happening? Irina and Michelle talk about what the average woman feels like she is (and isn't) getting in heterosexual marriage today, including in this economy. The Dating Professors analyze what happens when women are the higher earners, how young women now view marriage, as well as how children affect the labor dynamic in couples and why expectations often don't end up meeting reality. Pull up a chair and join the conversation!

WSJ article on why women are giving up on marriage

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Special: Exclusive Interview with "Balloon Guy" Mike Schneider

Mon, 14 Apr 2025 15:12:16 GMT

On this special episode, Irina and Michelle speak with Portland-based creator Mike Schneider whose balloon art and other works have gone viral. Now with over 800K Instagram followers and a full-time career as an artist inspiring, delighting, and sometimes provoking with quotations displayed in balloon letters on colorful walls or in other formats, Mike shares his thoughts. He talks all things dating, grief, mental health, politics, creative process, and books (the second of which will be published shortly!). Come join us for a heartening conversation with one of social media's top art darlings!

Mike Schneider’s IG

Mike’s website

Mike’s first book

Mike’s second book

"Boxed-Wine Boyfriend"

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Guest Chat: When Your Partner Has a Trauma History with Dr. Karen Dwyer-Tesoriero

Wed, 02 Apr 2025 02:18:37 GMT

Irina and Michelle host trauma expert and NYC-based therapist Dr. Karen Dwyer-Tesoriero on this episode. She explains what distinguishes complex post-traumatic stress disorder (c-PTSD) from other types of trauma and how it may express itself in romantic and other relationships. How do people with c-PTSD become activated, and how can they settle down and practice self-care? What happens when both partners in a relationship have c-PTSD? For a conversation about these questions and much more, tune in!

Karen A. Dwyer-Tesoriero’s website

Karen's self-care guide

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The Dating Professors: Regulating Moods and Tempers

Tue, 18 Mar 2025 18:53:16 GMT

How can you stop yourself and conversations from blowing up? In this episode, Irina and Michelle talk about bringing down the temperature, especially when it comes to conflict within romantic relationships. The Dating Professors discuss how to use breaks effectively in arguments, muddle through if a break is infeasible, and distinguish between expecting respect and tone policing. Let's talk about creating peace and accountability!

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The Dating Professors: Surviving Catastrophic Politics

Mon, 03 Mar 2025 16:08:55 GMT

A month into the new presidency, many couples are facing existential questions. Perhaps one person lost their federal job, or the couple disagrees on just how unsafe the country has gotten. We discuss how to handle questions such as whether to leave the United States, especially if both people in the couple are not on the same page. Irina and Michelle also go over how to try and maintain balance in an imbalanced world, and how to handle people who either cause national misery or at least downplay its existence.

Amanda Ripley's book "High Conflict"

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The Dating Professors: Work-Life Balance

Mon, 17 Feb 2025 23:05:50 GMT

How do workplaces support or undermine people's personal lives, and especially romantic relationships and family lives? What happens when toxicity in the form of poor pay or other bad treatment affects workers' wellbeing even once home? Irina and Michelle discuss the difficulties of workplaces regarding benefits and flexibility, and who all loses out in the end. Come join the conversation about life-work balance!

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The Dating Professors: Can Relationships and Friendships Co-Exist?

Tue, 04 Feb 2025 12:09:40 GMT

It is a tale as old as time: someone enters into a romantic relationship, and they let their friendships drift away or even suddenly cut them off. Irina and Michelle discuss why this keeps happening to people and what to do about it. What are reasonable expectations regarding one's own friendships and those of one's partner? What roles do jealousy, narcissism, and co-dependence play in making demands in this area? Join the chat as the Dating Professors share their experiences and explore how to make it all work!

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The Dating Professors: You Seem Really Angry

Mon, 20 Jan 2025 18:51:46 GMT

A lot of women are angry today. As the United States inaugurates Trump as president (again), women feel like equality is slipping away in the personal, professional, and political arenas. Why is female anger so reviled and denied? Come hear how Michelle and Irina have dealt with men commenting on their clothes and eating habits, plus what they think underlies statements about women needing to calm down or being hormonal. They also discuss why old-fashioned value systems have not necessarily helped men thrive and why psychologists often refer to anger as a secondary emotion. Check out an explosive conversation!

SOTI ep. 71: Return Interview with VulgaDrawings Cartoonist Lily O'Farrell

SOTI ep. 35: Evolving out of the Man Box with John Schinnerer

Dr. Nicole LePera (The Holistic Psychologist) on anger

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Special: Return Interview with VulgaDrawings Cartoonist Lily O'Farrell

Mon, 06 Jan 2025 15:47:13 GMT

Viral cartoonist and writer of VulgaDrawings fame Lily O'Farrell returns to kick off our fourth season of the podcast! With Irina and Michelle, she dissects the international political landscape in the aftermath of the 2024 U.S. presidential election. Where do Europe versus the United States stand on women's rights? What has been the response to the story of Gisele Pelicot, whose husband enabled her being sexually assaulted by dozens of men? We discuss all that, the South Korean 4B movement, the Taliban's prohibition on windows in spaces containing women, and much more in this explosive start to 2025 - come and join the conversation!

Lily O’Farrell website

Lily’s IG: @vulgadrawings

Lily’s book “Kyle Theory”

Lily-illustrated book “I Love Romcoms and I am a Feminist”

Lily’s cartoon “Wifey Material Complex”

Lily’s cartoon on 10 years of dating apps

The “not all men” IG controversy

Deepfake porn UK legislation petition

The Gisele Pelicot story

German investigation on 70K men in Telegram rape chat

Post-election U.S. interest in South Korean 4B movement

Taliban ban on windows for women

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The Dating Professors: When Elections Meet Relationships

Mon, 04 Nov 2024 13:04:00 GMT

On the day before the U.S. presidential election of 2024, Irina and Michelle examine the impact of this event on relationships. First and foremost, what happens if two romantic partners disagree on their choice of presidential candidate? The Dating Professors also discuss questions such as what if a partner neglects household duties to engage in political news consumption or wants to put up a political sign that may raise safety issues. This episode takes on election anxiety and disappointment during one of the most charged times in American history. Join the conversation!

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The Dating Professors: Nobody Wants This?

Mon, 21 Oct 2024 21:59:37 GMT

On this episode, Irina and Michelle dissect the new Netflix hit show "Nobody Wants This," a tale of a non-religious woman who falls in love with a rabbi and of the mayhem that ensues. The Dating Professors then go on to discuss interfaith dating generally. What are the things to watch out for? In what ways are religious beliefs likely to affect romantic relationships and child-rearing much beyond debates over what services to attend or holidays to celebrate? Hypothetically, would Michelle and Irina date much outside their beliefs again (and why does only one of them say yes to that)? Come listen to two products of interfaith marriage share their views!

Warning: the episode contains spoilers about "Nobody Wants This"!

Time Magazine article critiquing the depiction of Jewish women in “Nobody Wants This”

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Guest Chat: Defusing Emotional Predators with Steven Wolhandler

Mon, 07 Oct 2024 21:13:04 GMT

Irina speaks with dispute resolution specialist Steven Wolhandler, who uses his dual background in law and psychology to help people handle emotional predators. The author of "Protecting Yourself from Emotional Predators: Neutralize the Users, Abusers, and Manipulators Hidden Among Us," Steven dispenses practical advice on how to recognize, avoid, and if need be defuse personality-disordered individuals at work and in the private sphere. Whether you have to raise a child with an emotional predator or are trying not to date such individuals in the first place, this episode will guide you through recognizing destructive pathologies and throwing off predators so they can no longer rule your life. You are not going to want to miss the info in this episode!

SOTI ep. 63 "Fighting Coercive Controllers with Dr. Christine Cocchiola and Amy Polacko"

SOTI ep. 67 "Recovering from Narcissists with Justena Kavanagh"

Steven Wolhandler’s website

Steven’s book

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Guest Chat: Recovering from Narcissists with Justena Kavanagh

Mon, 23 Sep 2024 17:21:19 GMT

On this episode, Irina speaks with psychologist Justena Kavanagh who specializes in helping people to overcome coercive control and other narcissistic abuse. Justena talks about the different insidious forms that narcissism can take, including relational narcissism. She explains why these behavior types are so difficult to uncover and combat. Justena and Irina discuss what people need to understand about narcissists and their victims, and how both therapists and legal professionals need to catch up in their conceptions. As someone who has treated both narcissists and those they have hurt, Justena provides a unique perspective on this major societal problem. Take the time to learn about what may affect you or someone you love!

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Guest Chat: Closing the Deal with Carlos Farini

Mon, 09 Sep 2024 13:41:35 GMT

Irina's special guest on this episode is no other than her husband (and "Strangers on the Internet" sound editor) Carlos Farini. They discuss the beginning of their relationship, from Bumble to exclusivity in three dates. Carlos also explains what he would say to men who do not value relationships and/or do not wish to date smart women. Come find out how things almost fell apart after their second meeting due to the vagaries of NYC dating, and why you should resist the temptation of the paradox of choice!

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Guest Chat: Interracial Dating with Prof. Solangel Maldonado

Mon, 26 Aug 2024 13:12:00 GMT

In this episode, Irina discusses all things interracial dating with Prof. Solangel Maldonado of the Seton Hall University School of Law. Solangel introduces listeners to her new book "The Architecture of Desire: How the Law Shapes Interracial Intimacy and Perpetuates Inequality." How have not only anti-miscegenation laws but also laws related to property and other matters, including zoning-related regulations, led to lower levels of interracial coupling to this day? Have racial filters on dating apps exacerbated the state of things? And how can we have conversations with individuals about their dating preferences without their getting defensive? For all that and more, tune in!

Solangel Maldonado’s faculty profile

Solangel’s book “The Architecture of Desire: How the Law Shapes Interracial Intimacy and Perpetuates Inequality”

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Guest Chat: Fierce Desires with Dr. Rebecca Davis

Mon, 12 Aug 2024 13:51:41 GMT

Dr. Rebecca Davis, the Miller Family Early Career professor at the University of Delaware, recently completed the first major account of the history of sex and sexuality in America in three decades. She talks with Irina and Michelle about her new book "Fierce Desires," which complicates our understanding of how issues such as gender identity and sexual orientation have evolved between the early colonial period and today. From the societal treatment of nonconforming individuals to recent Supreme Court decisions on reproductive choice and to the upcoming presidential election, Rebecca covers it all in this fascinating episode filled with surprising historical twists and turns!

Rebecca Davis's faculty profile

Rebecca's book "Fierce Desires"

Rebecca's podcast "This Is Probably a Really Weird Question..."

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Guest Chat: Fighting Coercive Controllers with Dr. Christine Cocchiola and Amy Polacko

Mon, 29 Jul 2024 13:34:42 GMT

On this episode, Irina speaks with clinician Dr. Christine Cocchiola and divorce coach Amy Polacko about their new book "Framed: Women in the Family Court Underworld." These coauthors describe the devastating consequences that many women experience when they try to leave their abusers and to protect their children during and after divorce. The podcast guests explain how courts often let coercive controllers run loose and what victims can do to stand up to physical, emotional, financial, legal, and other forms of abuse. The conversation delves into both the need for education on coercive control and legislative change to address its consequences worldwide. Please join our discussion for your own sake and that of loved ones who are current or potential victims!

SOTI ep. 17 “How to Survive Divorce and Break-ups with Amy Polacko”

Pre-ordering info for "Framed: Women in the Family Court Underworld" book

Facebook book launch group

Dr. Christine Cocchiola's website

Amy Polacko's website

Joan S. Meyer (GW Law) & Sean Dickson's study "Mapping Gender: Shedding Empirical Light on Family Courts' Treatment of Cases Involving Abuse and Alienation"

Amy Polacko's Newsweek article "My Ex-Husband Won't Let Me Vaccinate Our Son"

Amy Polacko's Ms. Magazine article "Lawyers Say Catherine Kassenoff's Case--and Thousands of Others--Violate U.S. Constitutional Right to Due Process"

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#metoo Coverage: Dilan Esper Follow-up on Joshua Wright's Lawsuits

Mon, 10 Jun 2024 11:24:15 GMT

In the fifth part of this coverage of the sexual misconduct allegations against ex-George Mason University (GMU) law professor and former FTC Commissioner Joshua Wright, Irina invites back Dilan Esper, an experienced litigator in areas that include defamation law and the First Amendment. Together, they analyze the most recent legal developments in two lawsuits that Josh has launched. The first is his defamation lawsuit against two of the women who accused Josh of misconduct--Elyse Dorsey and Angela Landry--where the judge allowed the lawsuit to proceed past a successful motion to dismiss after Josh amended his complaint. The second is a sex discrimination lawsuit where Josh is suing his former employer GMU for the way it handled his complaint, arguing that the university prematurely sided with his alleged victims because he is a man.

Dilan explains to listeners why he thinks that Josh's legal actions will neither succeed in court nor help to restore his reputation, and why some of Josh's painting himself as a victim of the #metoo movement in legal filings may be motivated by his hoping to get future benefits from fellow Title IX critics. Dilan also discusses the use of defamation lawsuits generally in responding to sexual allegations, including based on his experience representing one of Bill Cosby's victims.

SOTI ep. 39 with Prof. Christa Laser

SOTI ep. 40 with Prof. Brandy Wagstaff

SOTI ep. 41 with Aliza Shatzman

SOTI ep. 42 with Dilan Esper

Dilan Esper's profile

Dilan's Twitter

Wall Street Journal coverage part 1

Wall Street Journal coverage part 2

Wall Street Journal coverage part 3

Note: According to a statement printed in the media by Lindsay McKasson, counsel to Joshua Wright at Binall Law Group "all allegations of sexual misconduct are false," "These false allegations are being made public after unsuccessfully demanding millions of dollars behind closed doors," and "We look forward to total vindication in court." According to a tweet by Christa Laser, "I don't appreciate that his attorney falsely suggests we are all lying (1/2 was in writing!) & want $ (this is a lie–I only want him gone)."

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Guest Chat: The Neurobiology of Relationships with Dr. Dixie Meyer

Mon, 27 May 2024 13:34:24 GMT

What are the neurobiological underpinnings of relationships? Irina and Michelle delve into that question and its implications with St. Louis University professor and director of SLU's relationships and brain sciences research laboratory Dr. Dixie Meyer. She explains how couples co-regulate their emotions and what can go awry in the process, whether the phrase "happy wife, happy life" has empirical backing, and how the pandemic has affected romantic relationships and women's societal roles. Come nerd out with your favorite hosts and another awesome guest!

Dixie Meyer’s profile

Dixie’s research

Dixie’s NPR interview

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The Dating Professors: How to Deal with Commitment Phobia

Tue, 14 May 2024 13:58:41 GMT

One of the chief complaints of dating app users (and especially straight women) is that commitment phobia abounds in those they meet. Can people with commitment phobia ever change? And if so, can they ever be nudged into such change? What happens when someone commits out of fear of losing the other person? Irina and Michelle discuss all that and more on this episode, so listen up!

Show notes

bell hooks's book "All About Love: New Visions"

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Guest Chat: The Philosopher and the Engineer with Dr. Michele Merritt and Paul Hiebing

Mon, 29 Apr 2024 19:29:42 GMT

On this episode, Arkansas State University philosophy professor Michele Merritt joins us from Tennessee with her engineer husband Paul Hiebing. The couple discusses meeting online and navigating life from dating in Florida to getting married, moving states twice, and adding both kids and pets. How have they weathered mental health challenges, including ones resulting from Michele being adopted and reconnecting with her biological relatives? The couple opens up about depression, suicidality, emotional labor, and the integration of their busy lives. Come check it out!

Michele Merritt's website

Michele's faculty profile

Michele's "Minding Dogs" book

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The Dating Professors: Should You Ever Date at Work?

Mon, 15 Apr 2024 21:16:34 GMT

According to recent data and media reports, Gen Z has some enthusiasm for dating in the workplace. Is that a good idea, however? Irina and Michelle dissect the pros and cons of finding a significant other at work. What happens if things fall apart and people have to keep collaborating after a break-up? And how might scenarios play out if there is an uneven power dynamic between the individuals involved? The Dating Professors take a look at the issues involved from regular dating situations to extramarital affairs. You won't believe what happened when Michelle worked at Blockbuster Video and later during her psychology practicum!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guest Chat: Sex Addiction with D.J. Burr

Mon, 01 Apr 2024 23:59:39 GMT

On this episode, Irina and Michelle chat with psychotherapist and sex addiction specialist D.J. Burr. In recovery from sex addiction himself, D.J. explains the condition and the path toward improvement. He discusses how trauma connects to addiction, how dating apps cause special problems for those with addiction, and why he thinks porn can never be used in healthy ways. D.J. also describes the therapy process involved in recovery and the importance of addressing the issue of shame. Check out this episode filled with information and vulnerability.

D.J. Burr's website

D.J.'s Linktree

D.J.'s "I Just Wanted Love" book (free chapter here)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Dating Professors: Do Opposites Attract?

Tue, 12 Mar 2024 00:29:55 GMT

"Opposites attract," the old adage goes. Is that really true, however? Irina and Michelle delve into the ways that disparities are a drawback versus advantage in relationships. What are some of the Dating Professors' personal habits and preferences that they think would cause conflict if a mate was diametrically different? Come listen to an exploration of the role of athletic commitment, love of or distaste for going out, and the clash between early birds and night owls.

Plus don't forget to check out our "Strangers on the Internet" Facebook page for a bonus relationship exercise mentioned in the episode!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guest Chat: The Artist's Way with Sebastian

Tue, 27 Feb 2024 22:08:03 GMT

On this episode, Irina and Michelle talk to German visual artist Sebastian, whom Irina met on a long train ride in Europe over a decade ago. He is a photographer, comic artist, graphic designer, illustrator, silk-screen printer, painter, and musician who has lived as a digital nomad for some time. From photographing Iggy Pop to having his work appear in the New York Times, and from living in Germany to England, Brazil, the United States, and Japan, Sebastian has seen it all. He opens up about why he finds dating difficult and how he does not want to use a partner as a crutch. The blank canvas awaits, and we discuss the kinds of women or men that Sebastian would like to invite into the story.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Dating Professors: Should You Meddle in Others' Relationships?

Mon, 12 Feb 2024 23:13:04 GMT

When and how should you intervene in loved ones' romantic relationships? The Dating Professors address the issue in this episode. Irina and Michelle talk about the things that make them uncomfortable to watch in other couples, and discuss various attempts to help. How did Michelle react when a friend butted in as she was preparing to enter a real estate arrangement with a romantic partner? And would some people really rather cut off a BFF than hear hard truths? All that and more in this podcast conversation!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guest Chat: Surviving and Thriving Post-Betrayal with Cassie

Mon, 29 Jan 2024 13:43:43 GMT

Cassie, a NYC professional in her 40s, did not see her live-in partner's cheating coming. She tells Irina and Michelle about the way her 49-year-old boyfriend--whom she met in a physical therapist's office at the start of the pandemic--betrayed Cassie with a 27-year-old mutual friend! Find out how Cassie's dog played a key role in sniffing out the situation. Cassie also talks about how she is rebuilding her life with the support of her family and friends, and dipping her toes back into the pool of the dating apps. You will not want to miss this inspiring story of overcoming heartbreak and discovering a path to freedom and happiness!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Dating Professors: Never Too Old for Love

Mon, 15 Jan 2024 16:57:09 GMT

Is there hope for finding love late in life, including after being widowed or divorced? The Dating Professors explore in this episode the stereotypes and true challenges--but also advantages--of looking for a match in one's later years. Irina and Michelle discuss the higher degree of self-knowledge present in one's senior years, the complications that might arise from relatives unhappy about one's new dating endeavors, and much more. Pull up a (rocking?) chair for this episode about golden times!

ABC's "The Golden Bachelor"

New York Times article "Dating After 60: A Lot of Roses, Some Thorns"

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guest Chat: A Match Made on Friendster with Dr. Aislinn Black and Prof. James Grimmelmann

Mon, 01 Jan 2024 16:02:06 GMT

Season 3 begins with the feel-good tale of how Rutgers emergency physician Dr. Aislinn Black and Cornell information law scholar Prof. James Grimmelmann met in the early days of social media. Learn how 19th century Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard played a key role in their connecting and how Aislinn initially tried to matchmake James with a friend of hers. Irina and Michelle accompany the couple from their early days of zipping up and down the East Coast (so they could hang out) to their decision to commit after bumping into a Belgian medieval pageant. Aislinn and James discuss why the era of long emails and AOL Instant Messenger worked especially well for their romance and how their marriage and parenting defy gender stereotypes. Last but not least, James shares his thoughts on the steps that would lead to greater Internet safety. Come start the year right with a podcast episode that will bring a smile to your face!

Dr. Aislinn Black's professional profile

Dr. James Grimmelmann's professional profile

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Dating Professors: A Retrospective Celebrating Our 50th Episode

Mon, 18 Dec 2023 23:28:46 GMT

Irina and Michelle guide listeners through a retrospective of the "Strangers on the Internet" podcast on the occasion of the show's 50th episode. What lessons have the Dating Professors learned from their guests and conversations? Our hosts discuss societal loneliness and disconnection, the state of the dating apps, and the key traits and situations to avoid while dating. They also explore the ways that communities can support both single and coupled people in today's world. Come celebrate this big milestone and final episode of season 2 with us!

Time article on AI assistance in dating and matchmaking

Research study on gender differences in response to dating profiles

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Special: Exclusive Interview with Award-Winning Writer L.L. Kirchner

Mon, 04 Dec 2023 22:57:01 GMT

Award-winning screenwriter and author L.L. Kirchner takes Irina and Michelle through the whirlwind of her life in this episode you will not want to miss. While living in Qatar, L.L. received a phone call from her husband announcing that he wanted a divorce. Afraid that she would spiral back into substance addiction, L.L. promptly decided to take a spiritual journey to India where she quit smoking cigarettes as soon as she landed and threw herself into yoga and meditation, even visiting a sex cult at one point. L.L. tells it all, from the start of her eventually babysitting-funded alcoholism that started at age ten (later on adding other drugs) to the dating column and matchmaking experiment she ran for an alternative newspaper. After some online dating adventures of her own in NYC, did she really end up finding love with Florida Man?? Come find out!

L.L. Kirchner's website

L.L's Instagram

L.L.'s book "Blissful Thinking: A Memoir of Overcoming the Wellness Revolution"

L.L's book "American Lady Creature: (My) Change in the Middle East"

SOTI ep. 46: Dating While Sober with Felicia Hermle

SOTI ep. 43: Exclusive Interview with Comedian Allison Goldberg

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guest Chat: Finances and Dating with Serise Lange

Mon, 20 Nov 2023 18:08:59 GMT

On this episode, Irina and Michelle interview marketing consultant Serise Lange, who moderates the popular Facebook group Women's Personal Finance. How do finances impact dating, and how do we figure out who should pay for what? What does Serise think about folks who send out a Venmo request after a date did not go as desired? And what exactly are "hobosexuals"? We learn from Serise's wisdom not only about money but also emotional wellbeing generally!

Serise Lange's Twitter

Women's Personal Finance website

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Dating Professors: The Hardships of Single Life

Mon, 06 Nov 2023 15:28:18 GMT

Why is being single so frustrating sometimes? Irina and Michelle explore both the emotional and practical side of single life. In addition to dealing with feelings of loneliness, single people--and frequently especially single women--face tasks that are difficult or even impossible to accomplish on one's own. Michelle talks about the lawn mower she physically couldn't start while single without her (male) neighbor's help, while Irina discusses the challenges of building furniture that requires two people. The Dating Professors analyze how to overcome some of these obstacles and how community members can best support each other with life's small and large complexities regardless of relationship status.

"Handy Women" Facebook group

"Day to Day Tasks and Life Explained Step By Step And Advice" Facebook group

"Dad, How Do I?" YouTube channel

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guest Chat: Dating While Sober with Felicia Hermle

Wed, 25 Oct 2023 15:49:18 GMT

Historically, dating has been deeply entwined with going out for a drink. But what happens if one of the two dating parties has opted for a life of sobriety? And what are the pros and cons of replacing substance use with romance, or what is the effect of infatuation on the brain? Irina and Michelle discuss with California-based social worker and addiction specialist Felicia Hermle how to handle recovery from substance use in the dating context, and how partners can show their support. Felicia talks science, introspection, and empathy on this important episode.

Felicia Hermle's website

Felicia's podcast "Sobriety Checkpoint"

Sarah Michaud's book "Co-Crazy: One Psychologist's Recovery from Codependency and Addiction: A Memoir and Roadmap to Freedom"

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Dating Professors: When Pets Block Your Love Life

Mon, 09 Oct 2023 15:53:09 GMT

While a cute pet picture can attract someone to your dating profile, pets can also be a major hindrance in romance. What happens when a significant other's pet prevents spontaneous travel or acts up jealously when someone comes over? What are reasonable expectations for how pet owners and non-owners should adapt to each other in relationships? Irina and Michelle--both long-time pet owners--break down the possible challenges that even a well-behaved Fido or Garfield might bring to the dating game!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guest Chat: Fighting Image-Based Sexual Abuse and Online Harassment with Prof. Mary Anne Franks

Mon, 25 Sep 2023 17:16:12 GMT

Irina and Michelle sit down with sexual abuse and online harassment expert Prof. Mary Anne Franks from the George Washington University Law School to take stock of the state of Internet safety (or lack thereof) today. Mary Anne explains why "revenge porn" is generally a misnomer, why women are particularly at risk in a variety of online settings, and what has made it so difficult to pass federal legislation to protect individuals from having naked images of themselves distributed nonconsensually. The law professor and Krav Maga instructor also discusses what readers will find in her forthcoming second book "Fearless Speech," why only criminalization is likely to incentivize potential online abusers to stay put, and what encourages her to continue advocating for women's rights in the face of death threats. Join us for a conversation about both individual safety measures and the broader structural changes needed to prevent further victimization!

Prof. Mary Anne Franks' faculty profile

Mary Anne's Twitter

Cyber Civil Rights Initiative website

Mary Anne's first book, "The Cult of the Constitution"

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Special: Exclusive Interview with Comedian Allison Goldberg

Mon, 11 Sep 2023 13:08:08 GMT

Comedian Allison (Alli) Goldberg is on a mission to make dating fun again. Once named one of the top 10 funniest women in NYC by Time Out NY, the now-Los Angeles based performer delights her public both on the stage and on the air. A friend of previous SOTI podcast guest Talia Lerner, Alli tells Irina and Michelle why dating provides such fertile material for her work from her matchmaking live comedy show "Love Isn't Blind" to her "How to Break up by Text" performances (the latter will soon be released as an audio show with celebrities reading the texts out loud and experts analyzing them!). Come hear how Alli's worst online date ever was with a fellow Yalie who was in the middle of convincing his former lover to have an abortion, why it's tricky to find the right male contestants for her matchmaking show, and what her philosophy is to overcome fears about any creative endeavor.

Allison Goldberg's profile

Alli’s IG

Alli’s TikTok

"Love Isn’t Blind" show

"How to Break up by Text" show

Alli's podcast "2 Girls, 1 Podcast"

Related SOTI episodes:

SOTI ep. 21: Second Marriage in the Second City with Prof. Talia Lerner and Phillip Nightingale

SOTI ep. 18 & ep. 19: Exclusive Interview with Bestselling Author Nancy Jo Sales (Part 1 & Part 2)

SOTI ep. 35: Evolving out of the Man Box with Dr. John Schinnerer

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

#metoo Coverage: Dilan Esper on Joshua Wright's Defamation Lawsuit

Fri, 01 Sep 2023 22:51:02 GMT

In the fourth part of this coverage of the sexual misconduct allegations against ex-George Mason University law professor and former FTC Commissioner Joshua Wright, Irina has a conversation with Dilan Esper, an experienced litigator in areas that include defamation law and the First Amendment. Dilan walks listeners through Josh's highly unusual defamation legal complaint against two of the women who accused Josh of misconduct, Elyse Dorsey and Angela Landry. Irina and Dilan focus on some of the most controversial parts of this legal document, and Dilan explains how Josh likely fails to meet the standard to get past a defendant motion to dismiss. Dilan also shows why things will probably get even worse for Josh if he does make it past such a motion, quite possibly resulting in more damaging materials and testimony appearing during the discovery process. Come find out why Dilan says that despite reading thousands of complaints in his career, Josh's complaint is unmatched in the extent to which it opens a window into a man's dark soul.

SOTI ep. 39 with Prof. Christa Laser

SOTI ep. 40 with Prof. Brandy Wagstaff

SOTI ep. 41 with Aliza Shatzman

Dilan Esper's profile

Dilan's Twitter

Joshua Wright's defamation lawsuit against Elyse Dorsey and Angela Landry (redacted by Christa Laser)

Bloomberg coverage

Global Competition Review article about GMU's reaction to the allegations

Note: According to a statement printed in the media by Lindsay McKasson, counsel to Joshua Wright at Binall Law Group "all allegations of sexual misconduct are false," "These false allegations are being made public after unsuccessfully demanding millions of dollars behind closed doors," and "We look forward to total vindication in court." According to a tweet by Prof. Christa Laser, "I don't appreciate that his attorney falsely suggests we are all lying (1/2 was in writing!) & want $ (this is a lie–I only want him gone)."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

#metoo Coverage: Aliza Shatzman on the Joshua Wright Allegations and Law School Culture

Mon, 28 Aug 2023 14:25:28 GMT

In the third part of this coverage of the sexual misconduct allegations against ex-George Mason University law professor and former FTC Commissioner Joshua Wright, Irina speaks with a victim of judicial harassment and retaliation, attorney and activist Aliza Shatzman who founded the Legal Accountability Project. After graduating from the Washington University School of Law in 2019, Aliza began clerking for a judge in the Superior Court of the District of Columbia. After subjecting her to harassment and sex discrimination, the judge fired her and then went on to derail her legal career by providing false statements during her final reference check for a prestigious position as a federal prosecutor in such a manner that she lost the position. Irina and Aliza discuss how little has changed in the twenty years between when Irina started law school--a time of shady "open secrets" at her own alma mater and in the judiciary--and today. They talk about the roots of the culture of silence and its reinforcement via tools such as defamation lawsuits, like potentially the one currently faced by two of Josh Wright's alleged victims, and what true change and principled allyship look like.

SOTI ep. 39 with Prof. Christa Laser

SOTI ep. 40 with Prof. Brandy Wagstaff

Aliza Shatzman's profile

Aliza Shatzman’s Twitter

The Legal Accountability Project (LAP) website

Daily Mail article about the allegations against Joshua Wright

Global Competition Review article about GMU's reaction to the allegations

Note: According to a statement printed in the media by Lindsay McKasson, counsel to Joshua Wright at Binall Law Group "all allegations of sexual misconduct are false," "These false allegations are being made public after unsuccessfully demanding millions of dollars behind closed doors," and "We look forward to total vindication in court." According to a tweet by Prof. Christa Laser, "I don't appreciate that his attorney falsely suggests we are all lying (1/2 was in writing!) & want $ (this is a lie–I only want him gone)."

Joshua Wright's defamation lawsuit against Elyse Dorsey and Angela Landry (redacted by Christa Laser)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Breaking News: Exclusive Interview with Prof. Brandy Wagstaff on the Joshua Wright Sexual Misconduct Allegations

Sat, 26 Aug 2023 02:51:43 GMT

Following up on our last episode in which Prof. Christa Laser discussed her sexual misconduct allegations against ex-George Mason University law professor and former FTC Commissioner Joshua Wright, a second alleged victim of his speaks out in full for the first time. GMU adjunct professor Brandy Wagstaff opens up in this exclusive interview about her alleged sexual relationship with Josh during her time as his student and research assistant. She also narrates the allegations made against Josh to her by her students over the years and her efforts to motivate the law school to act. Irina and Brandy discuss the culture of GMU Law and the reforms that Brandy would like to see. Furthermore, Brandy responds to Josh's defamation lawsuit against two other alleged victims that became public shortly before recording, and she explains her own decision to come forward despite the possible risks.

SOTI ep. 39 with Prof. Christa Laser

Prof. Brandy Wagstaff's faculty profile

Brandy's Twitter

Daily Mail article about the allegations against Joshua Wright

Global Competition Review article about GMU's reaction to the allegations

Note: According to a statement printed in the media by Lindsay McKasson, counsel to Joshua Wright at Binall Law Group "all allegations of sexual misconduct are false," "These false allegations are being made public after unsuccessfully demanding millions of dollars behind closed doors," and "We look forward to total vindication in court." According to a tweet by Prof. Christa Laser, "I don't appreciate that his attorney falsely suggests we are all lying (1/2 was in writing!) & want $ (this is a lie–I only want him gone)."

Joshua Wright's defamation lawsuit against Elyse Dorsey and Angela Landry (redacted by Christa Laser)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Breaking News: Exclusive Interview with Prof. Christa Laser on Her #metoolaw Sexual Harassment Allegations

Thu, 17 Aug 2023 13:50:46 GMT

On this Breaking News episode, Irina interviews patent law scholar Prof. Christa Laser about her sexual harassment allegations against just-departed George Mason University antitrust law professor and former FTC Commissioner Joshua Wright. In a tweet (accompanied by a screenshotted email) viewed by hundreds of thousands of people, Christa described how Josh asked her out on a date while GMU hiring chair when he knew that she was desperate to remain in the DC area to maintain custody of her two children. Christa's tweet prompted multiple former students and employees of Josh's to come out publicly with allegations of his having (successfully) pressured them into inappropriate sexual relationships when he held their careers in his hands. Christa and Irina discuss the possible professional repercussions against female "troublemakers" who call out rule- and law-breaking at their institutions. They analyze how and why legal academia breeds predatory and discriminatory behavior, how allies can help, and what reform might look like in light of this #metoo moment.

SOTI ep. 40 with Prof. Brandy Wagstaff narrating her own and her students' allegations against Joshua Wright

Christa's original tweet making allegations against Joshua Wright

Christa's tweet of GMU's response to the allegations by her and several other women

Daily Mail article about the allegations against Joshua Wright

Global Competition Review article about GMU's reaction to the allegations

Note: According to a statement printed in the media by Lindsay McKasson, counsel to Joshua Wright at Binall Law Group "all allegations of sexual misconduct are false," "These false allegations are being made public after unsuccessfully demanding millions of dollars behind closed doors," and "We look forward to total vindication in court." According to a tweet by Christa, "I don't appreciate that his attorney falsely suggests we are all lying (1/2 was in writing!) & want $ (this is a lie–I only want him gone)."

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Dating Professors: Should You Matchmake Your Friends?

Mon, 14 Aug 2023 15:13:17 GMT

Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match! Irina and Michelle delve into whether it's wise to matchmake your friends and how to minimize the risks to your own friendships if you're going to do it. How do you choose whom to match? Should you remain involved after the initial introduction? The Dating Professors dish about how they themselves have been matchmade (but both only sort of) and what would make them reluctant to matchmake others. They also discuss the problem of flakiness in people being matchmade and beyond. Join the conversation in our giggliest episode yet!

SOTI special episode 34: Exclusive Interview with Jewish Matchmaking Star Stuart Chaseman

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guest Chat: The Internet Law Scholar Seeking Love Online with Prof. Derek Bambauer

Tue, 01 Aug 2023 00:26:43 GMT

Irina and Michelle catch up with law professor and Internet law scholar Derek Bambauer as he reviews his dating life in Tucson, Arizona before his big move across the country to Gainesville, Florida. Derek talks about his mostly positive experiences meeting people online, his penchant for women in academia, and the challenges of making schedules work when both daters have kids. He also uses his scholarly expertise to discuss dating app algorithms, online safety, and possible tweaks to current technology. Come join us for an episode where the professional is the personal!

Prof. Derek Bambauer's faculty profile

Derek's Twitter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Dating Professors: Therapy Speak as Relationship Abuse

Mon, 17 Jul 2023 14:57:11 GMT

The Internet is abuzz with discussion about allegations by Sarah Brady, a University of Hawai'i law student, that her ex-boyfriend and celebrity Jonah Hill emotionally abused her and dressed up the abuse in therapy language. According to screenshots of text messages she posted publicly, he designated it "boundaries" that she should not post swimsuit pictures of herself on social media, model, surf with men, or interact with female friends of whom he didn't approve, among other things. Irina and Michelle analyze the difference between boundaries and coercive control, the ways in which boundary speak doesn't absolve the speaker of problematic values injected into requests (or demands), and the general current trends in distorting psychological language to serve one's purposes. The Dating Professors also delve into what happens when a partner's mental health or other life circumstances make it difficult for them to give what the other person might actually deserve under optimal conditions. Tune in and join the discourse!

Original Bustle piece about whether therapy-speak is making us selfish

Transcript of text messages between Sarah Brady and Jonah Hill

Guardian piece on the history of boundary language

Psychology Today article about coercive control

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guest Chat: Evolving out of the Man Box with Dr. John Schinnerer

Mon, 03 Jul 2023 17:56:31 GMT

On this episode, executive and relationship coach Dr. John Schinnerer tells us what we need to know about how men can achieve true emotional growth and meaningful lives. An educational psychologist and expert consultant for the Pixar movie "Inside Out," John first made a name for himself in the area of anger management; he later expanded his work into high performance, stress management, positive psychology, and the creation of happy relationships. John helps men step out of the "man box" that society has created for them and that prevents them for fulfilling their potential as human beings. Why do many men act irritable in romantic relationships but don't want to discuss what's wrong? Is it true that women want long-term relationships more often than men do? Come hear also what lessons John has learned from his own romantic past and what he believes people should look out for on the dating market!

John Schinnerer’s website

John’s IG

John’s book “How Can I be Happy?”

John's "The Evolved Caveman" podcast

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Special: Exclusive Interview with Jewish Matchmaking Star Stuart Chaseman

Mon, 19 Jun 2023 15:58:02 GMT

Why do people try to find love on reality TV? Irina and Michelle asked that and many other questions of Stuart Chaseman, the middle-aged Chicagoan musician and entrepreneur who quickly emerged as the fan favorite of the Netflix show "Jewish Matchmaking." While TikToks declared him a male role model to emulate, conservative pundit Ben Shapiro singled him out for only wanting to date women with liberal values. What Stuart has to say to Ben Shapiro, how Stuart experienced his own Beatlemania moment at a Jewish-Greek food festival in NYC, why a girlfriend lied to him for two years about her political views, and much more can be found on this podcast episode--along with a sneak peek at Stuart's latest music album!

Stuart Chaseman’s website (with links to his new album “Secrets, Lies & Alibis”)

Stuart’s IG

Stuart's TikTok

Chicago Daily Herald article about Stuart

Insider article about Stuart’s rise as a TikTok darling

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guest Chat: Bisexual Erasure and Polyamory Rights with Prof. Nancy Marcus

Mon, 05 Jun 2023 20:19:47 GMT

On this episode with guest law professor Nancy Marcus from the California Western School of Law, the personal is the political. Nancy tells Irina and Michelle about her own life as an out bisexual and polyamorous person, as well as about about her public writings and advocacy on these topics. While bisexuality has increasingly become more accepted, the same is less true for the various forms of ethical non-monogamy. Nancy discusses how to communicate about difficult issues such as jealousy in poly relationships, but also describes the legal battles that continue to plague the LGBTQIA+ community. Come find out how Nancy has found happiness in unexpected ways and continues fighting for the right of others to do the same!

Nancy Marcus academic profile

Nancy’s “Legally Bi” column

Nancy’s article “Bridging Bisexual Erasure in LGBT-Rights Discourse and Litigation”

BiLaw informational page and Facebook group

Polyamory Legal Advocacy Coalition (PLAC)

Chosen Family Law Center

Andie Nordgren on Relationship Anarchy

Kenji Yoshino, “The Epistemic Contract of Bisexual Erasure”

SOTI ep. 11 with Nancy’s colleague Prof. Erin Sheley (Dating As a Criminal Law Professor)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Special: Exclusive Interview with Ex-Wives Undercover Amber & Athena and Prof. Brenner Fissell

Mon, 29 May 2023 11:51:26 GMT

This episode provides a special interview with the top 1% podcast (over a million downloads!) "Ex-Wives Undercover: Liars, Cheaters & Love Cons" hosts Amber Rasmussen and Athena Klingerman about how their ex-husband Brandon continued freely harming women and children despite seventeen protective orders in three states against him. After law enforcement in the state of Washington and elsewhere didn't stop him, it is only his eventual near-murderous attack on a woman in California that put him in jail for ten years. Criminal law scholar and Villanova University professor Brenner Fissell provides expert commentary on what went wrong and what the difficulties are in changing the system. Irina and Michelle take you through a journey involving not only criminal matters but also the family court framework and the misunderstanding of conditions such as narcissistic personality disorder. Strap on your seatbelts for a wild ride with TikTok sensations Amber and Athena that covers Brandon's repeat manipulation of police officers and judges, a myriad of falsified documents, and ankle monitor escapes!

Amber & Athena's "Ex-Wives Undercover: Liars, Cheaters & Love Cons" website

Brenner Fissell's faculty profile

Ex-Wives Undercover YouTube interview with Irina & Michelle on "How to Navigate Online Dating"

Sacramento Bee article about "Brandon's last con" by Pulitzer Prize winner Melinda Henneberger (paywalled)

Daily Dot article about how Amber & Athena exposed Brandon on TikTok

Ex-Wives Undercover TikTok

SOTI "Special: Exclusive Interview with Tinder Swindler Star Victim Cecilie Fjellhøy" Part 1 and Part 2 (ep. 15 & 16)

SOTI "Guest Chat: Catfishing Beyond the Tinder Swindler with Anna Rowe and Jennifer" Part 1 and Part 2 (ep. 5 & 6)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guest Chat: The Art of Dating and of Survival with Dr. Robin Rogers

Mon, 22 May 2023 14:29:13 GMT

For this episode that will leave you breathless, Irina and Michelle get to speak with NYC-based sociologist Dr. Robin Rogers. She tells the tale of how she escaped her marriage after her then-husband developed severe schizophrenia, became violent, and killed the family pets. Robin not only got through the six-year court fight to maintain sole custody of her two sons but in fact managed to thrive despite it all. Her dating goal became all about having life-affirming fun, whether an interaction would lead to a long-term relationship or not. From a spontaneous trip to a wedding in Brazil to an invitation to attend a presidential inaugural ball, Robin got to enjoy many lovely adventures. In early 2020, her existence was turned upside down when she was involuntarily committed to a terrifying hospital after a family member falsely claimed she had attempted to commit suicide. While her seriously ill ex-husband was never committed at all, Robin was now surrounded by patients who were hitting on her and threatening to rape her. Come find out how she survived even this experience and what life looks like on the other side!

Dr. Robin Rogers' website

Robin's article about her divorce "When He Died"

Robin's piece "In Praise of Dating Too Soon and Too Often"

Robin's article "It's Easier To Get Locked Up Than You Think"

Rosenhan experiment (1973)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guest Chat: Finding Romance in Online Communities with Jane-Ashe and Damon

Mon, 08 May 2023 14:23:49 GMT

Dating apps are not the only place where strangers meet on the Internet! On this episode, Irina and Michelle have the chance to host couple Jane-Ashe and Damon who met in a Facebook group tied to a nerdy fandom podcast (Binge Mode). Damon hadn't had much luck with dating apps, while Jane-Ashe got tired enough of people wasting her time that she became a sugar baby to at least be paid for her efforts. In the Facebook group, Jane-Ashe attracted Damon's attention via her "high thoughts" upon first watching Star Wars. They started chatting privately and one visit by Damon--complete with a first date at Potterworld--was enough to convince them that he should move from Louisiana to Florida to live with her. We explore how a lot of people, including neurodivergent folks, feel more comfortable meeting online and what might be the future for dating via online communities. Come meet a quirky couple that found love in the cyber-galaxy despite being far, far away from each other!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guest Chat: The Sex Robot in the Closet with Dr. Kate Devlin

Tue, 25 Apr 2023 00:42:02 GMT

Irina and Michelle welcome international sex robots expert Dr. Kate Devlin, who explains the current state of technology and her views on the moral panic surrounding parasocial relationships with robots. Kate believes that most of people's fears about sex robots or AI replacing human relationships are overblown in a world in which even carrying around and finding a place to store a robot (the closet?) are challenges. In the second half of the episode, Kate also shares about her personal life, be it her search for balance with bipolar disorder, her polyamorous and dating app-related experiences, or the loving relationship with her younger (second) husband she found on Twitter. You will not want to miss our conversation with this Northern Irish powerhouse!

Dr. Kate Devlin's academic profile

Kate's book "Turned On" and general website

Kate's first TED talk

Kate's second TED talk

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Special: Exclusive Interview with VulgaDrawings Cartoonist Lily O'Farrell

Mon, 17 Apr 2023 13:12:02 GMT

On this special episode, Irina and Michelle sit down with popular feminist cartoonist and writer Lily O'Farrell, who has amassed over 300K followers on her VulgaDrawings Instagram account. We talk about the British artist's earlier days in the comedy world, encounters with the incel community, recent book "Kyle Theory," and love-hate relationship with dating apps. Why did Instagram try to shut down her cartoon response to the "not all men" trope? How can we speak with boys who fall prey to manosphere influencers such as Andrew Tate? And what are the dangers of meeting trolls with "himpathy"? Lily talks gender differences in worst-date stories, the murder of Sarah Everard, and the mass distribution of VulgaDrawings cartoons as educational materials. Come check out why Lily keeps going viral!

Lily O'Farrell website

Lily's VulgaDrawings IG account

Lily's book "Kyle Theory"

Lily's cartoon "Wifey Material Complex"

Lily's cartoon on 10 years of dating apps

Why Lily has hidden her IG fame while dating

The "not all men" IG controversy

What is himpathy?

The murder of Sarah Everard

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guest Chat: "Cripfished" with Anna Pakman, Bree Klauser, and Melissa Jennifer Gonzalez

Mon, 10 Apr 2023 12:43:38 GMT

This episode features director Anna Pakman and actors Bree Klauser and Melissa Jennifer Gonzalez, who are all part of short film "Cripfished" (an entrant in the 2023 Easterseals Disability Film Challenge). This romantic comedy tells the fictional story of Logan, who fakes being blind on a queer date with visually impaired Amy because the latter only wants to go out with disabled people. On the podcast, we discuss not only the film but also dating with a disability in real life; come hear about Melissa's journey to love with autism, the questions Anna has to answer about her wheelchair use, and the way Bree has felt more accepted for being legally blind than neurodivergent. Bree also talks about the COVID-caused challenges of adapting her career from acting alongside Jason Momoa in AppleTV+ show "See" to mastering a variety of recording skills, and Anna discusses what the pandemic has done to dating for vulnerable folks in NYC. Join us for some stereotype-shattering fun and learning!

"Cripfished" short film

Anna Pakman’s IG

Melissa Jennifer Gonzalez’s website

Bree Klauser’s website

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guest Chat: A Jeopardy Champion Seeking Answers with Nick

Mon, 27 Mar 2023 22:48:29 GMT

In this episode, Irina and Michelle have the pleasure of talking to Nick (a pseudonym), a Jeopardy champion in his late 30s whose work has taken him from academia to the policy world. Originally from NYC, he has tried his luck at dating all across the country and abroad. Nick talks about the difficulties with finding a significant other who shares his interests and values, as well as with staving off his family's old-fashioned requirements for his future partner. Does Nick think that his identity as an Asian-American man has led to being stereotyped and devalued on dating apps (including via not receiving a right-swipe from even one woman during a stay in Denver)? Would he have an easier time if he earned more money, or if he didn't label himself politically moderate? Come hear about this brainy dater's quest for love!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Special: Exclusive Interview with Writer Aimee Lutkin

Wed, 15 Mar 2023 01:08:57 GMT

On this special episode, Irina and Michelle talk to writer, director, and performer Aimee Lutkin. Her memoir "The Lonely Hunter: How Our Search for Love Is Broken" has made waves through its poignant account of how society treats the perpetually single. Aimee discusses how the world is structured around couples and how marriage has morphed over time in ways that can leave people feeling more isolated than ever. What are some of the best and worst parts of being single? How have dating apps affected the ability to find love? Do many people who want to remain coupled engage in compromises that lead to unhappiness? Aimee shares her frank opinions with the Dating Professors in an episode you're not going to want to miss!

Aimee Lutkin's website

Aimee's IG

Aimee's memoir “The Lonely Hunter: How Our Search for Love Is Broken”

Aimee’s viral Jezebel piece

Aimee’s essay on doing all she was told and still being alone

Aimee’s essay on how to get comfortable dating again

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Dating Professors: What Are Dating App Operators Thinking?

Tue, 28 Feb 2023 17:26:48 GMT

In this episode, Irina and Michelle explore why dating app providers behave the way they do and why they don't do more to protect their users. Irina talks about her legal research into this area and what has happened when victims have tried to hold providers accountable via the courts (spoiler: not much). The Dating Professors also examine the cultural implications of bad behavior on apps, such as the high frequency at which users lie on them. Michelle and Irina discuss how this relates not only to the anonymity of the Internet but also a sadly common general societal willingness to endanger other people's health and wellbeing. Last, you won't believe Michelle's story about how the app The League tried pushing her to communicate again with a man after she had unmatched him (and what Michelle had to say to The League in response)!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guest Chat: A Rationalist Guide to Dating with Prof. Ilya Somin

Mon, 20 Feb 2023 16:30:35 GMT

Irina and Michelle sit down with the show's first solo male guest: George Mason University's Prof. Ilya Somin, who decided to put his scholarly chops to use in the romantic arena to increase his odds of success. He turned to both the academic and popular literatures to develop his rationalist approach to dating and shares his wisdom with listeners looking for love. How should one cope with rejection while trying to find a mate? What do many women want when it comes to men planning dates? And what did Ilya say when a woman asked to go on a first date at Arlington National Cemetery?? Come hear about Ilya's journey that ultimately led to finding happiness with his now-wife Alison!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Dating Professors: Dating and Mental Health

Mon, 13 Feb 2023 12:37:53 GMT

In this episode, Irina and Michelle discuss how to handle mental health issues in dating and relationships. Given that half of the population will receive a mental health diagnosis at some point in their lives, to what extent does there continue to be meaningful stigma around this issue? How early in dating should you disclose a mental health condition? And which mental illnesses are less likely to be treatable? This episode also delves into the role that therapy, and couples counseling specifically, can or should play in relationships - even before they run into trouble. Come hear Irina ask the hard questions on listeners' (literal and figurative) minds and Michelle dispense her therapist wisdom in response!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guest Chat: Second Marriage in the Second City with Prof. Talia Lerner and Phillip Nightingale

Mon, 30 Jan 2023 23:47:00 GMT

Join Irina and Michelle as they talk to their first guest couple (and first male guest altogether) on the podcast! Northwestern University neuroscientist Prof. Talia Lerner did not think that a heavily tattooed former military sniper would be in her romantic future, and yet that is how the dating app process shook out in the end. Phillip Nightingale proved to be the interesting, open-minded, poetry-writing partner that would turn into a capable stepdad to her son and involved father to their subsequent daughter together. Our Chicago-dwelling couple came from different socioeconomic classes, ethnic backgrounds, and religions, and via therapy and solid communication forged a path toward what became a happy second marriage for both of them. How did Phillip abandon his plan to travel the world and instead navigate becoming an academic spouse? And what were the reasons Talia agreed to add a third child to their family when initially, Phillip criticizing her parenting of her oldest kid on a first zoo trip together almost led her to call it quits on the relationship? Follow us to the Midwest for this modern-day love story you don't want to miss!

Talia Lerner faculty profile

Lerner Lab

Talia's career and life path

SOTI episode on "How to Survive Divorce and Break-ups with Amy Polacko" (ep. 17)

Ko-Fi Donations

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Dating Professors: AI Dating Advice

Mon, 16 Jan 2023 20:32:15 GMT

Artificial intelligence (AI) chat bots have been all the rage in recent months. From concerns about academic plagiarism to questions about whether they may replace workers in many industries, the news has been abuzz with articles about platforms such as ChatGPT. Some chat bots specialize in particular areas, such as providing dating coaching! Irina and Michelle put several bots to the test to see if their dating advice is up to snuff. What does AI think about the quality of the male versus female dating pools? Does it believe there is someone out there for everyone? And would AI ever advise you to lie to get the kind of partner you want? Come check out the hilarious results of the Dating Professors' conversations with romance-minded chat bots!

AI bots used:

Ella - Dating Coach

Psychologist

ChatGPT

SOTI episode on "Bad Dating Advice" (ep. 8)

Ko-fi Donations

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Special: Exclusive Interview with Bestselling Author Nancy Jo Sales - Part 2

Mon, 09 Jan 2023 18:25:17 GMT

Part 2 of this exclusive interview with bestselling author and award-winning journalist Nancy Jo Sales takes us deeper into the heart of what all the famous critic thinks is wrong with dating apps. Irina and Michelle discuss with her why she believes these apps are deeply embedded in frat boy culture and rape culture, as well as what role social media whisper networks play in protecting female app users. Why and how do dating app operators make it so difficult to conduct independent research about the apps? How do conversations between Nancy Jo and incels go down? And does she see any hope for Gen Z and dating, watching her daughter enter young adulthood in today's world? Fasten your seatbelts, this episode is a wild ride!

Part 1 of the interview

Nancy Jo Sales' website

Nancy Jo's IG

Nancy Jo's book "Nothing Personal: My Secret Life in the Dating App Inferno"

Nancy Jo's book "American Girls: Social Media and the Secret Lives of Teenagers"

Nancy Jo's documentary "Swiped: Hooking up in the Digital Age"

Nancy Jo's viral article "Tinder and the Dawn of the 'Dating Apocalypse'"

Nancy Jo's article "Finally, Women Are Calling out Toxic Online Dates. Now to Target the Apps Themselves"

SOTI episode 14 "Ten Years of Tinder - Where Are We Now?"

SOTI episode 15 "Exclusive Interview with Tinder Swindler Star Victim Cecilie Fjellhøy - Part 1"

SOTI episode 16 "Exclusive Interview with Tinder Swindler Star Victim Cecilie Fjellhøy - Part 2"

Support SOTI with a Ko-fi Donation!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Special: Exclusive Interview with Bestselling Author Nancy Jo Sales - Part 1

Mon, 02 Jan 2023 20:25:00 GMT

On this special first episode of season 2, Irina and Michelle welcome bestselling author, award-winning journalist, filmmaker and producer Nancy Jo Sales. A long-time critic of online dating and social media, Nancy Jo talks in part 1 of this interview about why dating app operators consider her such a thorn in their side, how dating apps are intentionally addictive, and why we see so much victim-blaming when apps lead to nefarious encounters. What does evolutionary biology have to do with dating apps? And why does Nancy Jo think that these apps have deep cultural effects such as turning men callous? Come listen to one of the most distinctive voices on all matters dating apps - things are about to get salty!

Nancy Jo Sales' website

Nancy Jo's IG

Nancy Jo's book "Nothing Personal: My Secret Life in the Dating App Inferno"

Nancy Jo's book "American Girls: Social Media and the Secret Lives of Teenagers"

Nancy Jo's documentary "Swiped: Hooking up in the Digital Age"

Nancy Jo's viral article "Tinder and the Dawn of the 'Dating Apocalypse'"

Nancy Jo's article "Finally, Women Are Calling out Toxic Online Dates. Now to Target the Apps Themselves"

SOTI episode 14 "Ten Years of Tinder - Where Are We Now?"

SOTI episode 15 "Exclusive Interview with Tinder Swindler Star Victim Cecilie Fjellhøy - Part 1"

SOTI episode 16 "Exclusive Interview with Tinder Swindler Star Victim Cecilie Fjellhøy - Part 2"

Support SOTI with a Ko-fi Donation!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guest Chat: How to Survive Divorce and Break-ups with Amy Polacko

Mon, 19 Dec 2022 14:48:56 GMT

On this final episode of season 1, Irina and Michelle talk to divorce coach and journalist Amy Polacko. She tells her story of overcoming two divorces and being a happy, successful single mom and entrepreneur. Hear Amy's top advice on how to get over every sort of break-up and leave narcissistic abuse behind. How long should you wait to date again after a divorce or break-up? If you're a parent, what is the right time to introduce a significant other to your child? Is there still a stigma against dating people who have been previously divorced, and are they actually likely to make more or less committed partners? Pull up a chair for some life advice from the heart of Connecticut!

Amy Polacko's website: https://www.freedomwarrior.info/

Amy's IG: https://www.instagram.com/freedomwarriortribe

SOTI episode on how to spot a narcissist: https://shows.acast.com/strangers-on-the-internet/episodes/the-dating-professors-how-to-spot-a-narcissist

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Special: Exclusive Interview with Tinder Swindler Star Victim Cecilie Fjellhøy - Part 2

Mon, 12 Dec 2022 16:16:26 GMT

In part 2 of this exclusive interview, Irina and Michelle continue their conversation with Tinder Swindler celebrity victim Cecilie Fjellhøy. Find out what fraudster Simon Leviev is up to these days (spoiler: it involves additional alleged crimes). In this episode, your hosts also delve into the details of where international law enforcement went wrong so far, but why Cecilie thinks that Simon's days as a free man may be numbered. Could he end up in an Israeli jail before we know it or will he successfully continue his lucky streak? Hear what Cecilie has to say about Simon, victim blaming, and everything else that has happened in this incredible story!

Part 1 of Cecilie's SOTI interview is available here: https://shows.acast.com/strangers-on-the-internet/episodes/special-exclusive-interview-with-tinder-swindler-star-victim

Don't forget to hit "Follow" at strangersoninternet.com so you can get our future episodes on your preferred platform.

Cecilie's website: https://www.ceciliefjellhoy.com/

Cecilie's IG: https://www.instagram.com/cecilie_/?hl=en

SOTI episode "How to Spot a Narcissist": https://shows.acast.com/strangers-on-the-internet/episodes/the-dating-professors-how-to-spot-a-narcissist

SOTI interview with Anna Rowe and Jennifer on being catfished - part 1: https://shows.acast.com/strangers-on-the-internet/episodes/guest-chat-catfishing-beyond-the-tinder-swindler-with-anna-r

SOTI interview with Anna Rowe and Jennifer on being catfished - part 2: https://shows.acast.com/strangers-on-the-internet/episodes/guest-chat-catfishing-beyond-the-tinder-swindler-with-anna-2

SOTI on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/id1632743749?mt=2

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Special: Exclusive Interview with Tinder Swindler Star Victim Cecilie Fjellhøy - Part 1

Mon, 05 Dec 2022 14:40:41 GMT

In this exclusive interview, Irina and Michelle sit down with Tinder Swindler celebrity victim Cecilie Fjellhøy. See what the London-based Norwegian IT consultant has to say about swindler Simon Leviev and the continued battles to bring him to justice, her and his current dating status, life after starring in Netflix's most-watched documentary of all time, her experiences with British law enforcement, her anti-catfishing activism, and much, much more. Want to know what Simon's victims thought "was one of the questions [they] wanted explored in the documentary" that didn't make it through? Plus, why did Cecilie and other victims keep being told "you can't say that" by interviewers in the mainstream media about parts of their story they wanted out there? We asked, and she answered.

Don't forget to hit "Follow" at strangersoninternet.com so you can automatically get part 2 of the interview and our future episodes on your preferred platform!

Cecilie's website: https://www.ceciliefjellhoy.com/

Cecilie's IG: https://www.instagram.com/cecilie_/?hl=en

SOTI episode "How to Spot a Narcissist": https://shows.acast.com/strangers-on-the-internet/episodes/the-dating-professors-how-to-spot-a-narcissist

SOTI interview with Anna Rowe and Jennifer on being catfished - part 1: https://shows.acast.com/strangers-on-the-internet/episodes/guest-chat-catfishing-beyond-the-tinder-swindler-with-anna-r

SOTI interview with Anna Rowe and Jennifer on being catfished - part 2: https://shows.acast.com/strangers-on-the-internet/episodes/guest-chat-catfishing-beyond-the-tinder-swindler-with-anna-2

SOTI on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/id1632743749?mt=2

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Dating Professors: Ten Years of Tinder - Where Are We Now?

Fri, 02 Dec 2022 17:16:10 GMT

As hard as it may be to believe, the mainstream swiping era recently turned a decade old. Irina and Michelle discuss how dating has changed during that time, as has their own perspective on it. The Dating Professors review some of the recent popular writings on the topic of ten years of Tinder, including on the issue of burnout. The Dating Professors cover how apps have gamified dating and how some women have raised their standards in positive ways while others come in with unfair expectations and act flaky. Should women tell each other "You're the prize!", and what should we think about men who make Venmo requests after dates? Can people date casually and then decide from one day to the next it's time to settle down? Warning: your hosts are in a spicy mood on this episode!

Catherine Pearson, ‘A Decade of Fruitless Searching’: The Toll of Dating App Burnout, https://www.nytimes.com/2022/08/31/well/mind/burnout-online-dating-apps.html

Gili Malinsky, I’m still single but this is why I’m quitting dating apps like Tinder and Hinge forever, https://www.cnbc.com/2022/09/17/single-thirtysomething-giving-up-on-dating-apps-like-tinder-and-bumble.html

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guest Chat: A False Sense of Safety with Lisa

Mon, 28 Nov 2022 17:23:32 GMT

In this episode, in which Irina and Michelle host Midwestern graduate student Lisa (a pseudonym), the focus of the conversation is on physical safety. Lisa shares her experiences with being stalked, owning a gun, conducting background checks before every date, and having to take out restraining orders. Find out how people who lie about their age on dating apps sometimes do so for much more nefarious reasons than you might expect, and listen to Lisa dish about why dating fellow academics might not be all roses! You will walk away with new insights and important safety tips from a guest who has seen it all.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guest Chat: The Secret Lives of Law Professors with Katherine Macfarlane

Mon, 14 Nov 2022 14:38:11 GMT

Irina and Michelle welcome a special guest from Louisiana on this episode: disability law scholar Katherine Macfarlane. Kat has navigated dating, marriage, divorce, and then dating again with an invisible condition. How have significant others reacted when she has needed accommodations for her lifelong rheumatoid arthritis? And what's it been like dating (and when need be, breaking up) as an immunosuppressed person during the COVID-19 pandemic? Come for a lesson in empathy from this brilliant and wise academic who tells all about her interactions with strangers, whether in NYC or Idaho, and from Los Angeles to the other "LA"!

Katherine Macfarlane's faculty profile (on leave 2022-23): https://www.sulc.edu/page/katherine-macfarlane

Katherine Macfarlane's scholarship: https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/cf_dev/AbsByAuth.cfm?per_id=2115906

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guest Chat: Dating as a Criminal Law Professor with Prof. Erin Sheley

Thu, 03 Nov 2022 15:08:33 GMT

In this guest episode, Irina and Michelle have the chance to sit down with Californian criminal law professor Erin Sheley who found love (and indeed, a fiance) on Bumble after dating app adventures across North America. While last time we had Catgate, this week's episode brings us Fishgate: this vegetarian scholar and her avid fisherman date from the apps did NOT see eye to eye when it comes to how many fish are okay to kill in a year. Erin also tells the tale of how a man tried to throw her on the train tracks in Calgary and how an intrepid cowboy intervened just in time to save her life! We will discuss the difficulties in settling down romantically as an itinerant academic, so come join us on this journey from DC to Canada, Oklahoma, Dallas, and finally San Diego. Also, what exactly was that guy planning to do on their car ride if Erin hadn't sent his info to her friends in advance? Can even a criminal law professor stay safe from crime by strangers on the Internet? We've got the tea - grab a cup and have a listen!

Prof. Erin Sheley: https://www.cwsl.edu/directories/faculty-staff-directory/erin_sheley.html

Prof. Sheley's legal scholarship: https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/cf_dev/AbsByAuth.cfm?per_id=1222553

Prof. Sheley's book: https://www.amazon.com/Criminality-Common-Imagination-18th-Centuries/dp/1474450105

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guest Chat: A Philosopher Walks into a Bar with Dr. Rebecca Roache

Tue, 18 Oct 2022 16:49:47 GMT

Irina and Michelle talk to British philosophy professor, life coach, Twitter favorite, and host of "The Academic Imperfectionist" podcast Dr. Rebecca Roache. A self-described introvert, Rebecca is of two minds about dating apps these days. Should she bother meeting new men or comfortably stay home, knit, and hang out with her kids and cats? And speaking of cats, come hear about "Catgate", the incident in which a (narcissistic) then-boyfriend became enraged with Rebecca because she dared to pet a stray kitty while the couple was talking! We also discuss how to learn to trust yourself again after falling prey to liars and other predators, and how to get in touch with your sense of intuition that can steer you in the right direction in all things dating.

Dr. Rebecca Roache: https://rebeccaroache.weebly.com/

The Academic Imperfectionist (life coaching and podcast): https://www.academicimperfectionist.com/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Dating Professors: Happy Relationship Behaviors

Mon, 10 Oct 2022 10:29:00 GMT

After covering how to enter a romantic relationship in the modern era, Irina and Michelle now delve into how to make it a successful one. How do you apply the Golden Rule (treat others like you would want to be treated) in a relationship? Even better, how do you upgrade to the Platinum Rule (treat others like THEY want to be treated)? Is the idea of the Five Love Languages just a scam or can you use them as guidance to maintain the spark? The Dating Professors share with you the key insights from researchers such as John Gottman, Esther Perel, and others so that you can buck the trend of long-term relationships becoming less happy over time and keep that flame burning instead!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Dating Professors: Bad Dating Advice

Mon, 03 Oct 2022 16:52:51 GMT

In this episode, Irina and Michelle scour the Interwebs for recent dating advice and critique what they find. Will that article in The Cut teach you about whether you're too picky on dating apps? What about the pearls of wisdom in those (in)famous advice listicles? The Dating Professors go through the good, bad, and ugly of these pointers and show YOU how some of them definitely point in the wrong direction! Plus, hear what our hosts have to say about Hollywood's vision of dating over the last twenty years.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Dating Professors: How to Spot a Narcissist

Mon, 19 Sep 2022 12:31:24 GMT

In this episode, the Dating Professors teach you a thing or two about how not to fall for a narcissist. Irina and Michelle explain why narcissists may seem particularly attractive at first, what makes love bombing so powerful, and how to break the narcissist's cycle of idealization and devaluation. Resist becoming narcissistic supply and get rid of energy vampires whose lies and manipulations will suck you dry.YOU can learn how to detect gaslighting and find safe ways to get a narcissist out of your life even if he managed to sneak in at first!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guest Chat: Catfishing Beyond the Tinder Swindler with Anna Rowe and Jennifer (Part 2)

Mon, 05 Sep 2022 12:25:16 GMT

In this episode, Irina and Michelle return for part 2 of their conversation with catfishing victims Anna Rowe and Jennifer. At the end of part 1, we had left off with Anna realizing that she had been catfished and collecting clues to uncover the perpetrator's true identity. After triangulating his work location near a small airport, she jumped in the car to begin what would turn into a multi-year (and still ongoing) quest for justice.

Jennifer, meanwhile, had to come to terms with the fact that the father of her youngest child was a complete fraud that had destroyed not just one but in fact two families. Rather than a rival, the other mother of his children became one of her most significant sources of comfort. Our guests discuss how these experiences changed them and the way they view life. They also help YOU see more dating red flags before damage is done!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guest Chat: Catfishing Beyond the Tinder Swindler with Anna Rowe and Jennifer (Part 1)

Mon, 29 Aug 2022 12:27:06 GMT

On the podcast's first-ever guest episode, Irina and Michelle talk to two women whose existence was turned upside down by male catfish from dating apps. British teaching assistant turned international anti-catfishing activist Anna Rowe thought that Antony Ray was the perfect mate. How the unassuming mother of two put Sherlock Holmes to shame in her hot pursuit of his real identity and how she got fired in her search for justice will leave your head spinning!

Meanwhile, Midwestern academic Jennifer spent years with a man and had her (fourth) child with him without a clue about his double life. Was he actually married to someone else and cheating on both his wife and Jennifer with a third woman? Come learn how our guests unmasked their catfish and rebuilt their lives after being thrown into narcissist-engineered chaos, and find out how YOU can avoid catfish.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Dating Professors: Going on Dates - Less Stranger Danger, More Fun

Mon, 15 Aug 2022 13:27:27 GMT

It's time actually to go out with some of the people from the apps! The Dating Professors tell you about the best settings for first dates, and how to stay safe while enjoying yourself. Should you Google your date before meeting up? Is it ever okay to ghost someone? What's even the goal of a first date? Irina and Michelle answer the most pressing questions about what happens when you go from virtual to in-person interactions. Plus, learn what Michelle found out when she did a background check on a guy and how someone blew up when Irina sent her friend his license plate number!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Dating Professors: First Chats - Did You Come Here to Make Friends?

Mon, 01 Aug 2022 13:24:12 GMT

How should you talk to strangers on dating apps about whom you know next to nothing? Should men always approach women first? What happens when you start by just saying "hi" to someone? Irina and Michelle are your guides to figuring out the best early interactions for YOU. You will hear about how Irina impressed her now-husband with her thorough response to his four-bullet-point text and how Michelle prefers a less formal approach. The Dating Professors will help you stay away from chat pitfalls and find the way to conversational greener pastures instead!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Dating Professors: Tinder or Bumble? - Thinking about App Choice and Profile Content

Mon, 18 Jul 2022 14:32:11 GMT

Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, OKCupid, and all the others - so many decisions and so little time! Irina and Michelle walk you through how to choose the best dating app for YOU. Even more importantly, they discuss how you should select your app pictures and write a genuine and attractive profile text. Plus, what should you look out for in other people's profiles when swiping? What does a guy mean when he says he wants someone "sweet" or who has "no baggage"? Does stating in your profile that you want "no hookups" work in keeping away the more casually minded? Come hear from the Dating Professors how to get what you really want!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Dating Professors: To Swipe or Not to Swipe - Are You Ready for Apps?

Thu, 07 Jul 2022 20:19:58 GMT

In this pilot episode, Irina and Michelle share their own histories with online dating. They teach you what all YOU should consider before jumping into the app world. How do you know you're ready for dating after a break-up? What kind of expectations do you have from the process? For those back in the game after a long absence, how has the dating world changed since Tinder and other apps came on the scene? Join the Dating Professors for an exciting journey through the swiping universe!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.