The EighteenSeven Said Podcast

He was hurt as a child- You can speak out too

Tue, 17 Oct 2023 21:19:01 GMT

It is clear that if I mention SA or the R-word, there would be complaints. So much so, that victims of childhood trauma will find it more difficult to find the support they deserve to make sense of what has happened to them. Such support could enable these children at some point in their lives to live as close to the life they could have led if they were not R'd.

Another result of 'we don't talk about SA or R' means that some perpetrators exist in a world of self-hatred, unable to get the help they need. While other perpetrators feel they are entitled to live out their ideology, altering the lives of those children who seek, as we all do, to live a childhood free of harm.

We don't talk about R or SA because society (you and I) are too uncomfortable talking openly and honestly about the unspeakable.

The vulnerable suffer because of the unspeakable.

Luckily for us, Jeremy Indika is an individual who speaks about the unspeakable, and some organisations even trust him enough to help him share his experience. It is an honour for me, in my small way, to champion this good human who seeks to make this world a little bit safer for you and I.

By now, you know what we are 'not talking about'. To learn more, listen to this episode, share, comment and get active in any way you can.

To be active, visit

https://jeremyindika.com/ You will have access to links to his podcast YouTube . and much more.

Other places of support in the UK.

https://www.thesurvivorstrust.org/

https://www.thehavens.org.uk/

Please let me know where in the world others have gained support, and after some due diligence I will add it to this list.

The EighteenSeven Podcast is produced independently.

The presenter, EighteenSeven, has over 17 years of working with male perpetrators and victims of domestic abuse. He is a qualified IDVA (independent Domestic Violence Advisor) and, a level 4 Counsellor in Training offering therapeutic support to males (and those who identify as male).

To support the podcast, visit my socials to comment and share here.

Or call me by clicking here.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

#19 Will you Still love me when I'm 64

Sat, 16 Sep 2023 18:32:21 GMT

Have you thought about getting older and who will protect you? Have you considered that perhaps you have worked hard to provide for your family, and when you are vulnerable, everything changes?

Yes, this is another bleak episode where we explore domestic abuse of the over 60's. We discuss who can be abusers and how to recognise subtle clues that will identify a victim.

We look uniquely at the issues abusers face and why victims may not wish to cause a fuss and live with the abuse.

Hourglass is a unique charity that is funded to support victims.

Isobel Irwin no longer works with Hourglass. However, you can get all the information you need to support them and potential victims with whom you may come into contact.

The Helpline is open 24/7 – including weekends and bank holidays.

Email, text and instant message options are only available during business hours.

Freephone 24/7 Helpline: 0808 808 8141

The mobile number for the text service is 07860 052906

Knowledge Bank: https://knowledgebank.wearehourglass.org/

Chatbot: Hourglass Services | Hourglass (wearehourglass.org)

Email: helpline@wearehourglass.org

The EighteenSeven Podcast is produced independently. The presenter has over 15 years of working in domestic violence and is currently qualified IDVA working exclusively with male victims of domestic abuse. He is becoming a qualified counsellor but wishes to work with males (and those who identify as male).

To support the podcast, visit my socials to comment and share here.

Use this link to email me.

Or call me by clicking here.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

#18 For the Love of Holly

Fri, 07 Jul 2023 19:32:42 GMT

As a parent, you never want to have to bury your child.

Imagine you have to, knowing that your child has been snatched from you and your family by someone who decided, after months or even years of coercion, control, and violence, to then murder them.

What would you do?

For this episode, I briefly examine the world of domestic homicide and its possible impact on families.

I spoke with Nick Gazzard, who, with the support of his family, did something we should all the grateful for. Make no mistake; their work has saved lives. Has protected victims from false allegations and produced evidence that has helped convict perpetrators of abuse.

Here you can learn more about the outstanding work the trust is doing nationwide.

Here you can download the Holiguard App. Probably the best personal protection app in the UK.

The EighteenSeven Podcast is produced independently. The presenter has over 15 years of working in domestic violence and is currently an IDVA working exclusively with male victims of domestic abuse. He is also training to become a qualified counsellor but wishes to work with males (and those who identify as male).

To support the podcast, visit my socials to comment and share here.

Use this link to email me.

Or call me by clicking here.

Further Information on the subjects mentioned.

Mankind research. https://mankind.org.uk/statistics/

Suzy Lampugh Trust https://www.suzylamplugh.org/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

#17 Stewart Lee - Me and My Addiction

Tue, 06 Jun 2023 07:45:07 GMT

I'm not sure how many times I need to apologise, but I'm sorry for the late, late, late episode.

I reset my kit, and everything sounded horrible. All sorted now, I hope. (Let me know if I am wrong) I have a better idea of what I am doing with the podcast and how I am formatting the episodes. As a result, there will be a return to two episodes a month. Plus, the episodes will be longer with more information.

This episode is a bit about addiction but mainly about a man in recovery who wrote a fantastic book about his lived experience of alcohol addiction and his recovery journey.

The book is called Me and My Addiction, Written by Stewart Lee.

This is an infuriating and empowering story about the guy we all know who needs a shake or a cuddle.

This book will help those who struggle with addiction and those who struggle with caring for an addict to understand each other.

A great read.

To buy the book, HERE. If you have read it, leave a review.

For more about Stewart Lee, the author.

The EighteenSeven Saiid Podcast

Links to all of the podcast socials and contact details are here.

To support the podcast for free, subscribe and share with other lovely humans.

If you have a story or a comment you wish to share, message or send a voice note via WhatsApp.

Anything you share with me is confidential and will not be shared with any third party unless you or others are at serious risk of harm.

Remember. You are important.

18:7

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

#16 Mark Brooks OBE- Mankind and the Men and Boys Coalition

Wed, 10 May 2023 20:09:25 GMT

In this episode, I speak with Mark Brooks about his work with great people and fantastic organisations striving for equality for all by supporting male victims of domestic abuse and more.

For more information, please follow these links:

The Mankind Initiative https://www.mankind.org.uk

Confidential helpline for male victims of domestic abuse and violence.

Lines open 10 am to 4 pm 01823334244

Call 999 if you are in immediate danger.

The Men and Boys Coalition. https://www.menandboyscoalition.org.uk

Twitter @MBCoalition

To donate to the coalition

The Amendments to the Controlling and Coervice Offence

Remember, if you have a story to tell or need a question answered, contact me directly on,

WhatsApp now

Email in EighteenSevensaid at gmail.com

For all the Socials, visit https://linktr.ee/eighteensevensaid

To support this podcast, please share and subscribe that way, you'll never miss an episode.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

#15 Coming out.

Wed, 26 Apr 2023 11:00:13 GMT

Please join me and spend the next 30 minutes with Rick Clemons, author, podcaster and public speaker. He talks about his journey to getting closer to his true self. He proves that we have parallel journeys, and I hope you will be enthused enough to trust yourself and choose the path that suits you.

To learn more about Rick Clemons, visit https://rickclemons.com/

You will find all the information he mentions in this thought provoking interview.

If you have a similar lived experience or want to contact me, click HERE.

For access to the Eighteenseven Said Podcast socials, email, and other episodes, click CONTACT.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My Mission statement.

Thu, 13 Apr 2023 13:30:37 GMT

This very quick episode is shy of 5 minutes long and was recorded on a different kit, so apologies for the audio.

The podcast must be getting some interest as I keep getting emails being negative and a bit troll-like from angry men and some angry women. So this is to put the record straight.

If you have any questions feel free to give me a call.

Take Care EighteenSeven.

Transcript

the 187 said podcast mission statement

the 187 podcast is a podcast for men

those who identify as men and those who

care for them but what does that even

mean

the podcast focuses on issues that men

face

I want to share ideas and information

that Aid the support of men to find

solutions that are right for them

now I have a personal understanding of

the expectations of being a male

however, that's my lived experience and

it's essential for everyone to hear

yours

on this podcast, I'm more likely to talk

about body dysmorphia than I am about

how to get a six-pack or consent for men

and boys rather than how to close the

deal on a luxury woman

now my views on my own and I'm open to

being challenged but

I make no apologies for being male

all my perceived maleness, I will not

make excuses for some men's entitled

Behaviour

anymore

that I would for some women entitled

behaviour

I believe we're all individuals who are part of

a global Collective, and that I you we us

have the responsibility not to be

unhelpful to each other, we should expect

to be challenged if we are being

unhelpful, and I believe we should

Challenge and helpfulness

with love and respect, looking for the

collective win rather than the

individual ego boost

all the unhealthfulness and unhelpful

that I mentioned can be replaced with

expletives, it's completely up to you

now how are we going to do this

activism is the key so

my contribution is to hold true to my

values and create a platform for

dialogue change and development hence

the 187 said podcast

support this podcast, do one of the

following

tell someone about the podcast by

sharing a link on your socials

subscribe be a guest on the podcast

suggest a topic and share your

experiences or ask a question

you can donate by patreon two pounds a

month

would make all the difference

or you can buy some merchandise which is

coming soon or book a course which again

is coming soon

who is 187. now I use this nonda plume

protect the identity of the

organizations and individuals that I

work with

some of my self-disclosures may impact

on my friends and family, so I need to

protect their privacy

finally

I think it's important to listen to the

message in each episode and question the

content rather than rely on class race

sexual orientation disability or my

perceived intellect to validate the

message

because these are precisely the

mechanisms that divide us

some of the things I get asked are

the following are your men's right

activists

are you a male feminist no

what are you, then

I'm a man who just wants people

not to be unhelpful

if you have any other questions

please email

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

#14 You are not the father

Wed, 12 Apr 2023 11:00:42 GMT

You are not the father. Paternity Fraud.

Paternity Fraud is often seen as funny or not much of a big deal.

However, in this episode, we discuss the impacts, a possible solution and who you can turn to when it is revealed that you are not the father. (or the son or daughter)

To find out more, visit Paternity Fraud UK

Email paternityfrauduk@gmail.com

All discussions are confidential, and currently, all support is free of charge.

The EighteenSeven Said Podcast

If you have found this helpful podcast, then share and subscribe.

If you have a problem and you need advice, then contact EighteenSeven (+447367034004)

or email eighteensevensaid at gmail.com

Or all the socials etc. can be found here.

Remember, you are important.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

#13 Breaking free - Like a Viking

Wed, 29 Mar 2023 11:00:40 GMT

Breaking free - Like a Viking.

We can focus on the issues impacting men but then spend too much time discussing who is to blame when we should look for solutions.

In this episode, we talk to Johan Rylander, The Viking Mindset Coach. He talks about his loss of self-confidence and how he regained his strength by re-igniting his inner Viking.

If the next 30 minutes resonate with you, use the links below to learn more.

www.vikingmindsetcoach.com

thevikinghjourney@gmail.com info@vikingmindsetcoach.com

You can find Johan on Linkedin at https://www.linkedin.com/in/johan-rylander-05768b19b

The Eigtheenseven Said Podcast will always be free of charge, but I would be grateful if you could.

Tell someone about the podcast by sharing a link on your socials.
Click subscribe and auto-download new episodes.
Be a guest on the podcast.
Suggest a topic or share your experience.
Ask a question.

All the links to the EighteenSeven Said Podcast are HERE

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

#12 Positive Conclusions- conflict done differently

Mon, 20 Mar 2023 22:20:10 GMT

Episodes 9 & 9.1 will show you how to manage parental conflict as you go through the courts.

Have we really stopped thinking about the cost of going to court?

Positive Conclusions founder gives us food for thought and asks should the family court be reformed.

Information

Positive conclusions @positiveconclusions Linktree http://positiveconclusions.org.uk

For your free Child Arrangement Flow chart courtesy of Positive conclusions HERE

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

#11 Consent

Sun, 08 Jan 2023 01:23:32 GMT

This episode briefly explains consent, what I think it is, and what it means when others cross boundaries. Plus, how men can protect themselves.

How to get in touch.

https://linktr.ee/eighteensevensaid

Cup of tea video

https://youtu.be/fGoWLWS4-kU

How to dispose of a condom?

https://www.wikihow.com/Dispose-of-a-Condom

WhatsApp Eighteenseven

‭+44 (0) 7367 034004‬

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

#10 You are a perpetrator of Domestic Abuse

Tue, 13 Dec 2022 16:41:46 GMT

You’re a Perpetrator of Domestic Abuse

This episode is dedicated to the men who have a=or are being domestically abused. It is also a shoutout to friends and family members, co-workers and managers of men who are abusive.

Anyone can be a victim or perpetrator of domestic abuse. Rather than add to the dialogue of calling those individuals animals, disgusting etc., I have produced this episode as a starting point for abusive men to take stock and take control of their narrative. Then hopefully, others will be supportive enough to help those who have been abusive to get the support they need to change the way they communicate. For our part, we need to take people, whatever gender or orientation, more seriously when they report domestic or sexual violence.

If you wish to take part in an episode or have something to say, contact me

Here for all the links in one place https://linktr.ee/eighteensevensaid

WhatsApp +447367034004

W: http://eighteenseven.com

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/eighteensevensaid/

Support the podcast to go weekly https://www.patreon.com/Eighteenseven

Music by. https://freesound.org/people/YellowTree/

Resource: The EighteenSeven Power and Control wheel.

https://d1fdloi71mui9q.cloudfront.net/XP90PRVCQwyup321XU9y_The%20EighteenSeven%20Said%20Power%20and%20Conrtol%20Wheel.pdf

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

#9.1 Your ex has stopped you seeing your kids PT 2

Mon, 07 Nov 2022 22:33:20 GMT

This a continuation of Episode 9, where I talked about ensuring that you were in the right headspace to begin the sometimes painful journey through the family courts. Rather than create separate episodes looking at what to expect when fighting for your child or children's right to spend time with you and then the type of professional relationships you will have. I have decided to produce a whistle-stop tour of the whole process.

If you have not listened to Episode 9, I think you should. It is s just as important as this one.

If I have missed anything or you disagree, contact me via the link below.

If you have an experience that you wish to share with other men, then get in touch. I would love to hear from you.

https://linktr.ee/eighteensevensaid

I do not have any links with the company in this video, but the information shared is well set out, and I have shared his videos with several clients. Let me know what you think.

https://youtu.be/lETb_dHpB38

Take care.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

#9. Your ex has stopped you seeing your kids

Mon, 05 Sep 2022 13:45:34 GMT

This episode is part of a series of podcasts dedicated to helping you navigate the issue of child contact when relationships break down, and you have been refused reasonable contact with your child(ren)

This can happen for no good reason and occurs relatively often.

For the next 20 minutes or so, I will talk to you about the idea of getting your head in the right place.

To get every episode the moment, they are available, subscribe to this podcast. To help promote it, share it with anyone who could use the information and leave a comment or review wherever you are listening to podcasts.

To make contact with me via my socials, follow this link.

The next episode will look at how to get started.

https://linktr.ee/eighteensevensaid

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

#8. Real Men

Wed, 31 Aug 2022 14:57:18 GMT

Hello you beautiful human; this short episode goes hand in hand with the previous one.

What does the term Real Man even mean? What is the impact on men and boys?

If you have any questions or comments, then feel free to get in touch.

As always, follow this link to make contact via any of my socials etc. https://linktr.ee/eighteensevensaid

You can also use this link to contact me about ideas about episodes, or you may have an experience that you may wish to share.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

#7. Why oh why do we do the things we do?

Thu, 18 Aug 2022 18:53:03 GMT

Hello you beautiful human.

There haven't been many episodes for a while, as I have been finding it hard to balance life, work and my passion for this podcast. This podcast is about to start winning, so please subscribe. There will be more frequent and shorter episodes coming.

This episode explores a behavioural model that I have augmented to form the basis of how I question and make sense of the world around me. Let me know how what you think. You can view it by clicking HERE. I hope you too find it useful.

New flash - You are invited to attend an hour-long check-in session on the first Sunday of every month via google meets. There's no need to keep your cameras on, but please be cool. Here is the link

If you have any suggestions for episodes or have a comment, feel free to get in touch via WhatsApp and leave a voice note or send a message to +44747367034004

Alternatively, use any of the socials below

Instagram

Facebook

Twitter

Jordan, thanks for the music.

Podbean thing ignore

Llo4b9Q1mYtAWnS6mzKv

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

#6 A Dad talks about parenting

Sun, 02 Jan 2022 21:16:30 GMT

In this short episode, a dad talks about his ideas on what it is to be a man and parenting and how important it is for him to pass on attitudes to his children.

Hopefully, you will be encouraged to get involved. So if you would like to take part in an episode, make a comment or suggest a topic, contact me via

Instagram

Facebook

you can also send a voice note or text message via WhatsApp to +44747367034004

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

#5. John James. A Domestic Abuse Survivor.

Tue, 14 Dec 2021 00:23:46 GMT

In this episode, I have the privilege of talking to John James about his lived experience of domestic abuse at the hands of a girlfriend.

To learn more about John James's story, read his book From the Darkness: A True Story

You can also follow his podcast FTD Talk here

Or contact John James directly via Facebook or Instagram

Remember if you have would like to take part in an episode, make a comment or suggest a topic, contact me via

Instagram

Facebook

or send a voice note or text message via WhatsApp to +44747367034004

Take Care EighteenSeven

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

#4. The Domestic Abuse Act 2021

Mon, 01 Nov 2021 22:26:46 GMT

The majority of domestic abuse perpetrators are men and the majority of victims are women.

However, 1 In 6 men (and those who identify as male ) are also victims of domestic abuse.

Many men are unaware if they are victims, many don't speak out. Some find that when they do they are not taken seriously,

To begin changing the landscape and making victims of domestic abuse visible I have recorded this episode.

This episode covers who is regarded as a victim of domestic abuse and what domestic abuse is with examples.

By the end of this episode, you should be able to work out if you are in an abusive relationship.

Your thoughts comments and ideas are always welcome.

Contact me via

Facebook

Instagram

Twitter

Email EighteenSevensaid at Gmail dot com

WhatsApp voice notes or messages only +447367034004

If you are a male victim of domestic abuse visit Mankind

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

#3. Child Contact Refused (Coercive Control)

Sun, 25 Jul 2021 18:55:06 GMT

I have spent months looking for listeners and their friends to share their lived experiences. However, I forgot that we as males don't always take the opportunity to share our experiences for fear of judgment. So to lead by example I am sharing my own lived experience. In this episode, I talk about what I feel is my shameful secret that I do not often talk about. i.e MY own poor decision making and lack of assertiveness while in a relationship with a woman without empathy.

I welcome your contribution and I will be happy to answer any questions you may have.

Contact me via

Facebook

Instagram

Twitter

Email EighteenSevensaid at Gmail dot com

WhatsApp voice notes or messages only +447367034004

All children have the right to have contact with both parents where safe to do so.

For support (England and Wales only), and to find out what you can do to gain contact with your children visit www.dadsunltd.org.uk or give Mankind a call

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

#2. Male Victims of Domestic Abuse. 2.0

Sun, 16 May 2021 12:29:23 GMT

EighteenSeven has experience working with children and female victims of (intimate partner violence) domestic abuse. As well as clocking up over 11 years of experience delivering therapeutic programmes to male perpetrators of domestic abuse who identified as heterosexual.

This is the first episode on this subject that we will add to with your help. Today we hear the lived experience of a man who had been subjected to domestic abuse

If you have a lived experience or an opinion please get in touch via our social networks

Facebook

Instagram

Website

Or send us a voice note or message to our WhatsApp line. +447367034004

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

#1. What does being a man mean to you?

Sun, 16 May 2021 11:26:38 GMT

The first episode looks at a subject that is too wide to answer in one episode. Get in touch to have your say.

During this episode, I refer to the Anderson and Bushemans General Aggression Model. This model has been repurposed to form "My Model" that will be referred to in this and future episodes

To watch a video explaining what The My Model is visit this link. I hope that My Model will help us all be more curious and take time to be more understanding of each other.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

0. The Trailer

Thu, 01 Apr 2021 11:00:49 GMT

A short introduction to the podcast and how to get the best out of each episode,

To learn more about the framework I use to make future episodes, visit our YouTube channel. I think it would be very helpful.

Let me know what you think via

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

Youtube

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.