The Mark of Caine

Beyond the Poseidon Adventure

Tue, 08 Feb 2022 10:39:17 GMT

It's 1979, our final look at 70s Caine, and what a way to go: drenched in an upturned wreck, scuba-diving about with little Sally Field and 125-year-old Karl Malden in Beyond the Poseidon Adventure! It's the last in a triptych of late-70s Caine-nurtured turkeys alongside The Swarm and Ashanti. What more truly needs to be said....

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Ashanti

Tue, 01 Feb 2022 14:28:34 GMT

We're off to Africa where Michael Caine is now hunting slave traders who have kidnapped his wife. Yes, it's Ashanti - basically 1970s Taken. Part of a holy trinity of late 70s turkeys, prepare to be astounded by Caine's disinterest, dumbfounded by Peter Ustinov's accent, stunned by Omar Sharif's boredom and amused by Caine spending two full minutes trying to mount a camel. Yes, that's right...

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California Suite

Tue, 25 Jan 2022 08:39:58 GMT

After the tortures of The Swarm, it's Michael Caine moving seamlessly from killer-bee fighter to bisexual antiques dealer in this Neil Simon-scripted flick. Come for Caine, stay for an Oscar-winning performance from Maggie Smith, suffer Bill Cosby.

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The Swarm

Tue, 18 Jan 2022 16:41:19 GMT

It's the day we've been braced for since the beginning, but finally we encounter the plumpest turkey of Caine's career. The Swarm and its brilliantly organised, genocidal killer bees is most of the things the critics have said and more. Worst movie ever? Is it even the worst Caine ever?! But as constructive people, we offer ways to improve the Swarm - ninja Caine up to fight the bees, give the bees little guns and get Larry Olivier in the picture among other things. Also, as a way of making it better, burn the entire thing to the ground.

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Silver Bears

Tue, 11 Jan 2022 09:41:55 GMT

Some Caine Obscura, this time Silver Bears from 1978, as Mr Caine banks the cheque and goes to Switzerland, but we do get Sports Caine, Drunk Caine, Lover Man Caine and Jay Leno. And as the chemistry with yet another leading lady fails to yield even a spark, it's time to ask the burning question: is it possible to see actor Michael Caine as a sexy beast?

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A Bridge Too Far

Tue, 04 Jan 2022 10:03:31 GMT

On this week's episode it's cameo a go go with the cream of 1970's actors collecting a paycheck to ruminate on the horrors of war in A Bridge Too Far. Join us as we discuss Caine's moustache, Robert Redford's attractiveness and the world's tiniest Nazi sniper.

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The Eagle Has Landed

Tue, 28 Dec 2021 09:56:29 GMT

Mein Gott im Himmel! It's Good Nazi War Caine in the village of Studley Constable - presumably named after a medieval porn star - to kill Churchill. The great director John Sturges pockets the money and goes fishing. Donald Sutherland tortures everyone with the worst accent ever committed to celluloid. Larry Hagman plays it a bit mental. What do we end up with? Begob and begorrah craythureens, break out the oul tea and biscuits for a Bank Holiday classic: The Eagle Has Landed!

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The Muppet Christmas Carol

Tue, 21 Dec 2021 14:52:59 GMT

Joy to the world! Caine as Scrooge! Muppets! A Christmas Carol! What can possibly go wrong? This time, absolutely nothing. Here's the story of Caine's Scrooge based on Wall Street banker gits, Gonzo's Dickens (ahem), what might have happened Tiny Tim and the making of a proper Christmas classic!

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Harry and Walter Go To New York

Tue, 14 Dec 2021 10:10:31 GMT

A dip into heist comedy for our man Caine with 70s movie royalty James Caan, Elliott Gould and Diane Keaton in a movie also known as Elliott and James Wreck A Perfectly Reasonable Movie. But can Caine save the day with a prototype performance he will eventually perfect for Dirty Rotten Scoundrels? Oh the tension!!

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Peeper

Tue, 07 Dec 2021 09:43:58 GMT

So it's 1975 and Michael Caine is freshly energised by his triumphant performance in The Man Who Would Be King. He's not going to fall back on old habits, grab the first script that comes within an asses roar of him, indulge his love for film noir and play a cockney PI in 1940s Los Angeles.....right?! Please?! Damn you, Peeper!!

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The Man Who Would Be King

Tue, 30 Nov 2021 09:58:11 GMT

We emerge briefly from the tunnel of mediocrity to bask in the light of proper cinema as we discuss this week's entry into the Caine Canon, the John Heuston classic The Man Who Would Be King. It's Caine and Connery, the Rock and Ryan Reynolds of their day in a rip roaring adventure adapted from Rudyard Kipling's short story. And you thought he only made cakes!

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The Romantic Englishwoman

Tue, 23 Nov 2021 09:17:52 GMT

It's Racy Caine with an unpleasant dash of Paranoid Caine in this episode, starring opposite Glenda Jackson in a middle-class melodrama where people talk each other into near-comas, while also making an extra-marital affairs look like an awful dose of hassle. And Glenda gets fairly comfortable with the nudity on and off-screen, much to our man's unease. This is The Romantic Englishwoman.

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The Wilby Conspiracy

Tue, 16 Nov 2021 09:55:46 GMT

It's Conscience Caine with A Cause this time round as our man rises to the occasion opposite the great Sidney Poitier and Nicol Williamson in The Wilby Conspiracy, a curious and quirky anti-apartheid thriller from 1975. Think Trains, Planes and Automobiles meets Cry Freedom. And we mean that as a compliment...

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The Marseilles Contract

Tue, 09 Nov 2021 09:21:24 GMT

It's Michael Caine! It's Anthony Quinn! It's James Maaasssoon!! Strap yourselves in for one of the best bad movies ever committed to celluloid. We didn't see this one coming, but we're so glad it arrived. All hail The Marseilles Contract!

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The Black Windmill

Tue, 02 Nov 2021 09:33:51 GMT

After a sabbatical kicking back with Shakira and their new baby daughter Natasha, relaxing at his Windsor mansion and pruning his roses, Michael Caine is back in 1974 with director Don Siegel (Dirty Harry) and John Vernon (also Dirty Harry) in The Black Windmill, a British spy 'thriller' guaranteed on paper to make oodles of cash for everyone and enjoy a long, happy life of TV repeats. But the path of Caine never runs that smoothly...

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Sleuth

Tue, 26 Oct 2021 10:48:53 GMT

This week we briefly address Michael Caine's retirement/non-retirement before getting down and dirty with Sleuth. It's Olivier vs Caine in a titanic struggle to see who can chew the most scenery before being carted off with a case of acting gastroenteritis.

Listen now! Listen often!

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Pulp

Tue, 19 Oct 2021 08:52:12 GMT

We met him in a land called Malta

You'd think by now that he'd be much smarta

But yeah

He's not

Pod along with the common people as we join Mick Caine and his Get Carter director Mike Hodges for Pulp, a comedy (?) that also stars Mickey Rooney and Max from Heart to Heart (remember that show, kids?). Can lightening strike twice for our hero? Can it fuck.

Listen now!

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Zee and Co

Tue, 12 Oct 2021 08:54:46 GMT

Elizabeth Taylor and Michael Caine together at last in this 1972 movie written by Ireland's own Edna O'Brien. She bought a house off the back of it. Nice to see someone emerge from this with something tangible anyway. Oh boy.

He's the working class 'boy done good' architect

She's his boozy wife who's loud, brash and American.

Also, Susannah Yorke is in this which is nice I guess.

There's infidelity, shouting and spousal abuse (AKA box office gold). It's Zee and Co. Pod it up!

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Kidnapped

Tue, 05 Oct 2021 08:45:36 GMT

After hitting a career high with Get Carter, where next for 1971's hottest property? Well, Michael Caine decides to give the world the Robert Louis Stevenson revival it was waiting for, tramping the heather and gazing upon the lochs, and doing a Scottish accent that will oblige him to issue a statement of apology to an entire nation. This is Kidnapped!

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Get Carter

Tue, 28 Sep 2021 08:19:00 GMT

It's 1971. It's gritty and grimy up north and Michael Caine is rough, bleak and completely brilliant in the magnificent Get Carter. Is this the greatest performance of his career? Is Jack Carter the character Caine could have become in a parallel life? Is Get Carter the worst tourist advert for any English city ever? Settle in for a deep dive into one of the greatest UK films ever made.

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The Last Valley

Tue, 21 Sep 2021 06:43:19 GMT

"Finally!" screamed the cinema-going public in 1971, "a movie about the Thirty Years War!".

Yes, it's more box office gold as Michael Caine is joined by a stumbling Omar Sharif and a very attractive Brian Blessed in a movie about war, valleys, religion and really you've skipped this episode already haven't you.

It's Caine at his best, doing an accent that travels more in one sentence than Michael Palin has done in a lifetime in a movie that has a message that no one wanted to receive.

Listen here and live! While others die!*

*This is a quote from the movie! Synergy!

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Too Late The Hero

Tue, 14 Sep 2021 06:30:19 GMT

It's sweaty, it's hot, it's wheezy, it's Michael Caine at war in the Far East, zig-zagging through the jungle with Cliff Robertson pursued by the Japanese with a radio transmitter broadcasting invitations to surrender every other minute. Sound like a dose? Listen to the verdict on Caine's first movie of the 70s.

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The Battle of Britain

Tue, 07 Sep 2021 08:43:11 GMT

Chocks away lads! Mick Caine takes to the skies in the Battle of Britain to give Jerry a good thrashing! But does this big-budget, historically accurate version of one of World War II's most significant episodes soar through the clouds to movie heaven or get turned into a fireball screaming down towards earth?

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The Italian Job

Tue, 31 Aug 2021 11:37:10 GMT

And here we are, finally, at one of the movies that maketh the man and the legend, one of the iconic films in the Halls of Caine: The Italian Job. it's got cars, gold, girls, boys, Noel Coward, chorus-line Mafia men. Is it Michael Caine's finest hour (or so)? Is it the movie that saves a young, wavering career or really a sign of acting wonders to come? We're just glad it's a good movie with chase scenes and some snappy one-liners, and also, the plot makes sense. We'll even forgive the presence of Benny Hill....

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Play Dirty

Tue, 24 Aug 2021 06:53:34 GMT

Desert Caine (Actually Spain)

What's it about?

Let us explain

A secret mission

Caine looks purty

War is Hell

And so's Play Dirty

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The Magus

Tue, 17 Aug 2021 13:24:11 GMT

Oh ye Gods!! In this episode we explore a film publicly disowned by Michael Caine, routinely demolished by the critics carrying the destructive power to bury a lesser actor's career. But, it also has Caine's pitch-perfect Alan Partridge impression (Ann!!), another sighting of Sports Caine (some swimming) and a series of plot twists even more bewildering than his decision to take a gig in the Wrong Box. With apologies in advance to the estate of Anthony Quinn, this is Caine with Tony and Candice Bergen, looking bewildered in The Magus

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Deadfall

Fri, 13 Aug 2021 06:28:17 GMT

Our hero is back in the incapable hands of Brian Forbes, who directed him the filmic atrocity that was The Wrong Box. He’s a cat burglar. Again. But this time to be fair he does quite the burgling! In beige! Oh! nb This is awful. It’s a psychosexual thriller with Nazis, heists and a breast massage (Caine’s boobage) so vigorous it warrants an offical complaint to the International Association of Physiotherapists.

It’s Deadfall, it’s Dreadful so D’Listen!

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Billion Dollar Brain

Tue, 10 Aug 2021 06:44:57 GMT

Our hero returns to the safe familiar bosom of Harry Palmer, after last week's unsuccessful tryst with Hurry Sundown. And speaking of bosoms, Ken Russell is behind the lens for this outing so the sauce levels are at an all time high. Sadly, no nude Caine but his legs get a brief airing.

Billion Dollar Brain is, frankly, a bit mental and can be best summarised as an evil Colonel Sanders commanding an army of white supremacists, advised by an AI attempt to invade Russia via Finland (tale as old as time).

Join Michael and Stephen as they discuss sperm armies, fully-clothed saunas and whether or not Palmer ever got his car loan.

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Hurry Sundown

Fri, 06 Aug 2021 07:05:42 GMT

Michael Caine goes full Dixie in this film from Otto Preminger that approaches the racial tension of the Deep South with all the sensitivity of a clog dancer in a minefield. Jane Fonda, George Kennedy, Burgess Meredith, Faye Dunaway - what could go wrong? If you've listened to previous episodes you probably know the answer by know.

Michael and Stephen discuss sax as foreplay, the worst screen kiss in cinema history and how quickly a father can recover from the tragic loss of his son (apparently, 3 minutes).

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Funeral In Berlin

Tue, 03 Aug 2021 06:50:43 GMT

Harry Palmer returns! But should he have bothered? Michael Caine is the admin James Bond in this 1966 classic that is basically about one man's attempt to get a car loan. No, really.

It's got all the right ingredients: Cold War, defection, Nazis, multiple concussions. But is it a tasty tale? That metaphor works, right?

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Gambit

Fri, 30 Jul 2021 06:27:57 GMT

It’s 1966, Michael Caine is storming Hollywood like a cockney Viking off the back of his Oscar nomination for Alfie and has actually been hand-picked for this role by Shirley McClaine.

Caine plays a cat burglar who discovers that best laid plans can often go awry. So no real life parallels for him then. McClaine plays the Eurasian exotic dancer who helps him and Herbert Lom plays an Arab. Yup, it's the sixties alright.

Farce, romp, caper - call it what you will, the studio called it Gambit and you’ll have to listen to this podcast to find out what we’d call it.

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The Wrong Box

Mon, 26 Jul 2021 06:29:51 GMT

Our hero dips his toe in the waters of farce with the 1966 comedy The Wrong Box. Co-starring Peter Sellers, Peter Cook, Dudley Moore, Tony Hancock and Leonard Rossiter this has to be a stone-cold laugh riot, right? Right?

Does Caine continue his streak of classic movies or is this the first with more than a hint of Christmas dinner off it? Find out, now!

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Alfie

Thu, 22 Jul 2021 07:24:18 GMT

It’s Alfie! the movie that garnered Caine his first Oscar nomination and brought him to the attention of a truly global audience.

He’s a fourth-wall breaking sex machine, a ladies man and a proper ****

*turns to camera* Look, as Lou Reed sang ‘those were different times’ and we had a real different time with Alfie.

So, loosen your listening knickers, lie back and let Stephen and Michael have their way with you. Don’t worry, much like Alfie we’ll finish first.

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The Ipcress File

Mon, 19 Jul 2021 06:48:52 GMT

The year is 1965, the place is swinging London and Michael Caine is stealing secrets and hearts as Harry Palmer in this tale of intrigue, brainwashing and tinned mushrooms.

We take a deep dive into the Ipcress File and the face and glasses that launched, if not a thousand ships, at least two tug boats and a barge.

Cooking as foreplay! Weird curtain-opening techniques! and what the hell is Rice a roni anyway?

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Zulu

Thu, 15 Jul 2021 06:50:37 GMT

Caine storms upon the stage with Zulu, a film that nestles comfortably in the BFI's top British movies of all time and is a Christmas favourite for many unable to escape the allure of it's bright colours, scintillating action and the performance of that tall skinny Jagger impersonator who doesn't quite know to do with his hands, having not yet been visited by the pointy shouty fairy.

But is it any good? Is Caine any good? Did he have a nice time on set? How strong are his bowels? All these questions and more are answered on the first episode proper of the Mark of Caine! See, we mentioned the name of the podcast! That's branding, baby!

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Introduction

Mon, 12 Jul 2021 06:56:20 GMT

A short introduction, a kind of living will where Michael and Stephen explain why anyone would want to watch and review every Michael Caine movie in chronological order (Spoiler: It's probably a cry for help).

We talk about our love of Caine (no, not like that), our first exposure to him (no, definitely not like THAT) and marvel at how a man who's had more turkeys then Bernard Manning on the keto diet has somehow managed to maintain a career for over seventy years.

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The Mark of Caine

Mon, 05 Jul 2021 09:19:13 GMT

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