The Songtopsy Report

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-freedom-guild-a-d-d-podcast/id1614177735

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Ep 200: The Worst Songs We've Ever Covered Tournament, Part II (aka the Final Episode)

Fri, 25 Mar 2022 09:31:38 GMT

We conclude the tournament and definitively declare the worst song we've ever covered- we also wax nostalgic for a little and Steve repairs the Crapometer to devestating results.

BUUUUT you should check out our new D&D Podcast The Freedom Guild on all of your favorite podcast platforms!

On Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1GMDkfcc1VYu7vP6P7JEK8

On Apple Podcasts:

Website:

https://www.dapperdevilproductions.com/the-freedom-guild-a-dd-podcast

Also check out Nick's Youtube channel Grave New World; it's been dormant for a hot minute, but new spooky content will be coming soon!

Grave New World

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfZyPDeBtaiVgPQibIkul_Q

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The Freedom Guild: A D&D Podcast from The Songtopsy Report

Thu, 17 Mar 2022 14:58:48 GMT

This is it, episode 0 of our new actual play D&D podcast! We sincerely hope you enjoy it, and if you want to subscribe to it on your favorite podcast platform you can follow the links below:

On Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1GMDkfcc1VYu7vP6P7JEK8

On Apple Podcasts:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-freedom-guild-a-d-d-podcast/id1614177735

Website:

https://www.dapperdevilproductions.com/the-freedom-guild-a-dd-podcast

Music:

Fantasy Adventure by Rafael Krux

Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/5425-fantasy-adventure-

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Dramatic Trailer by Rafael Krux

Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/5633-dramatic-trailer-

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Calm Before The Invasion by Horst Hoffmann

Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/8744-calm-before-the-invasion

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

The March Of The Final Battle by MusicLFiles

Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/8117-the-march-of-the-final-battle

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

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Ep 199: The Worst Songs We've Ever Covered Tournament, Part I

Wed, 23 Feb 2022 09:00:00 GMT

We're in the endgame now folks. For our two-part finale, we go March Madness and pit the 16 worst songs we've ever covered against each other to determine what THE WORST single song we've ever covered on this podcast is. Place your bets now...

...and then make sure you're following us!

https://youtu.be/dfQg3fKZenA

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Ep 198: Listener Submitted Bad Songs, Part 9

Tue, 01 Feb 2022 09:00:00 GMT

On our FINAL listener-submitted episode we break down 3 (and a half or so) songs that YOU, the wonderful listeners, submitted to us. From obscure bops to the most problematic One Direction song over, you helped round out over 4 years of wonderfully bad, bizarre, and noteworthy audience suggestions.

Also if you want to find out more about the Japanese masturbation noise band that Steve refused to discuss: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gerogerigegege

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Minisode- Video Episode and NEWS!

Wed, 19 Jan 2022 00:28:06 GMT

Check out the edited video from our recording of episode 168 ("Cop Rock," the TV musical) by following the link below!

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Ep 197: "Happy New Year" by Abba...and Kid Rock...and Baby Shark...

Tue, 04 Jan 2022 07:00:00 GMT

We're only a *few* days late, but on this week's episode we dissect three wildly different (yet somehow all depressing?) songs about ringing in the new year that are all titled "Happy New Year."

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Ep 196: "Wonderful Christmastime" by Paul McCartney (also featuring Mariah Carey and Dominick the Donkey)

Tue, 21 Dec 2021 07:30:00 GMT

On our special Christmas episode we dissect Paul McCartney's (for better or for worse) timeless Christmas classic. Is the song truly just Paul McCartney singing nonsense? Is there actually deeper, possibly occult meaning to the lyrics? Either way we can all agree that the keyboards sound terrible.

thesongtopsyreport@gmail.com

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Ep 195: Sci-Fi and Popular Music, Ft. Iron Maiden, David Bowie, Nick Cave, and... Abba? (B-Sides)

Tue, 07 Dec 2021 10:00:00 GMT

On this week's episode Steve guides us through some of the most bizarre marriages between science fiction and pop/rock music. From properties such as Dune, 1984, Stephen Kings' The Stand, and Godzilla (THE king of the monsters), few sci-fi properties remain unturned as sources of musical inspiration.

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Ep 194: Best of Listener Submitted Songs, Part 2

Tue, 23 Nov 2021 23:03:22 GMT

Send us your bad, bizarre, and noteworthy song suggestions to be included in our LAST listener submitted episode!

https://www.dapperdevilproductions.com/the-songtopsy-report

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Ep 193: David Hasselhoff in "Jekyll and Hyde: The Musical"

Tue, 09 Nov 2021 08:00:00 GMT

It's one of Steve's favorite melodramatic musicals and it stars an actor whose acting style and face can both be described as "exceptionally hammy." This week we dive into our first musical dissection (that's not a porn parody) and discuss some of the hit songs from the 1990 Frank Wildhorn musical "Jekyll and Hyde," and specifically the 2001 performance starring Songtopsy alumni David Hasselhoff.

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Ep 192: The Worst Children's Halloween Songs

Tue, 26 Oct 2021 08:00:00 GMT

This episode we wade into the spooky world of bad, bizarre, and noteworthy music that children and their parents must endure during what is otherwise the best time of the year. From Pinkfong cash-ins to Kids Bop desecrations to abominations from the House of Mouse itself, no sub-genre of children's music is safe.

Also we've got some big stuff coming soon as we slowly march toward episode 200...

https://www.instagram.com/dapperdevilproductions/?hl=en

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Ep 191: Here Come the Mummies (AKA Sexy Mummy Funk Music)

Fri, 15 Oct 2021 15:49:37 GMT

As we creep through October, Steven introduces us to the mysterious, all-anonymous, constantly-dressed-as-mummies funk group Here Come The Mummies. With songs about loving dick (Richard), *arriving* in your pants, and being attacked by a Weiner man, this group makes sure no entendre is left single.

Check out our stuff!

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Ep 190: "Move Your Dead Bones" by Dr. Reanimator (From the Film "Beyond Re-Animator")

Wed, 22 Sep 2021 21:17:03 GMT

NOTE: Forgot to mention this on the show, but Nick's symptoms are so mild because he's vaccinated, if you haven't already please get the damn shot if you're able to!

We start Fall off properly by diving into yet another bizarre horror-movie-song tie-in, this time with the classic horror/comedy film series "Re-Animator." We're pretty sure a techno euro-trash pop song is exactly what H. P Lovecraft would have had in mind (and that's not even counting the whole Furry tie-in...)

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

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Ep 189: "Y.M.C.A" by The Village People

Tue, 14 Sep 2021 06:00:00 GMT

It's to dissect S-O-N-G-S! This week Mike leads us on a journey through the shockingly turbulent history of The Village People and their immortal classic disco hit "YMCA." Along the way we also do one thing that no one has ever done before; listen to the verses of the song.

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

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Ep 188: "It Wasn't Me" by Shaggy

Thu, 02 Sep 2021 18:37:53 GMT

This week we finally dissect that classic reggae-dancehall crossover hit all about gaslighting your loved ones! Along the way we dive into the history of how this song almost wasn't even released, and Steve reveals how Shaggy *might* in fact be a James Bond supervillain.

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

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Ep 187 BEST OF: "Mr. Tambourine Man" by William Shatner

Tue, 24 Aug 2021 04:24:29 GMT

It's a best-of this week as we dive into an oldie-but-goodie episode where we dissect that one song from the 60's in which William Shatner loses his his goddamn mind.

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

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"Are You Tellin' Me..." Ep 6: The Complete History of Breakfast

Tue, 17 Aug 2021 04:40:52 GMT

FEED your brain the delicious breakfast of knowledge on this week's special "Are You Tellin' Me..." episode where Steve breaks down the complete, several-millennia long history of the concept of having a meal first thing in the morning. Covering the global history dating back to ancient Egypt, the current international staples that vary across the world, and the EVIL of one Will Keith Kellogg, we leave no scone unturned.

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

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Ep 185: The "Glee" Porn Parody Musical (with Special Guests Ian Brodsky and Corrina Stokes from "Glee Aggressive")

Tue, 10 Aug 2021 04:52:16 GMT

It's our first ever crossover episode! With the help of Glee experts Ian Brodsky and Corrina Stokes from "Glee Aggressive: Regrettably, a Glee Podcast," we dissect the 2010 Glee porn parody MUSICAL that was made after the success of the hit Fox TV show. Come for the expert insight on how true the parody is to the actual show, stay for songs sung by porn stars that include lyrics such as "big tushy hoes everybody knows we f**k the best."

And while you're at it check out "Glee Aggressive" for more deep dives into your new favorite show: https://www.dapperdevilproductions.com/glee-aggressive-regrettably-a-glee-podcast

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Ep 184: The Most-Played Wedding Songs, w/Special Guest Wedding DJ Andy Felicitas (B-Sides)

Tue, 27 Jul 2021 08:30:00 GMT

Friend of the show and veteran wedding DJ Andy Felicitas joins this week's episode all about the ins and outs of what it's like to be in charge of the music at a typical (and decidedly non-typical) wedding. Covering the 200 most-played wedding songs, but also impromptu best-man rap performances and what NOT to play at an Indian wedding, Andy divulges what it truly takes to make a wedding run smoothly.

AND if you're getting hitched soon you can check out Andy's work below!

Felicitas Entertainment:

booking@felicitasentertainmet.com Website: www.felicitasentertainment.com

Facebook: www.facebook.com/felicitasentertainment

Instagram: @the.singing.dj

Twitter: @the_singing_dj

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Ep 183: "Macarena" By Los Del Rio (and the Bayside Boys)

Tue, 20 Jul 2021 07:00:00 GMT

It's the worldwide hit that was the soundtrack to everyone's 4th grade birthday party at a bowling alley, but when you dive into the nitty-gritty of the lyrics it's actually one of the most salacious songs we've ever covered. Mike leads this line-dance of an episode and reveals what the ORIGINAL song was actually about, the Bayside Boys remix that took over the world, and the existence of the Christmas version. Yes, there's a Christmas version.

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

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"Are You Tellin' Me..." Ep 5: The Most (In)famous Last Words in History (w/Special Guest Nick Brigadier)

Tue, 06 Jul 2021 05:03:25 GMT

Davinci. Nostradamus. Unfortunate generals. Technically everyone who's ever lived. What do they all have in common? They have all uttered last words, and on this week's historically-bent episode of "Are You Tellin' Me?" Steve breaks down some of the most legendary last words every uttered and the (usually sordid) details that led to them.

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

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Ep 181: Songs From Fortnite (Ft. Butter Barn Hoedown, I'm A Cat, Shanty for a Squad, & More)

Tue, 29 Jun 2021 07:00:00 GMT

Extremely small and obscure indie video game Fortnite has spawned its own roster of original in-house hit singles, and resident Fortnite expert Steven breaks down some of the more bizarre ones. Stick around to hear which anthropomorphic character gets Mike the most riled up- it may or may not be a literal stack of flapjacks...

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

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Ep 180: "P.T. 109" by Jimmy Dean, AKA 'The Ballad of JFK'

Tue, 22 Jun 2021 04:24:48 GMT

Steve takes us on a tour of the Pacific Theatre circa WWII on this week's episode all about the war propaganda song that Jimmy-ready-to-bust-out-of-his-pants Dean wrote about the then newly-elected John F Kennedy. From the anticlimactic way JFK's boat was sunk to the legitimate heroism he exhibited to some unsung heroes, we dive into the history behind the hoopla.

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

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Ep 179: The Shaggs' "Philosophy of the World" Album, Part 2

Tue, 15 Jun 2021 08:00:00 GMT

We dive into the second half of the immortal album "Philosophy of the World" on this week's conclusion to The Shaggs AS WELL as their 21st century musical output. Steve is thrilled for the duration.

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

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Ep 178: The Shaggs' "Philosophy of the World" Album, Part 1

Tue, 08 Jun 2021 04:18:16 GMT

It's one of the most legendarily bad albums ever recorded, but *how* did it even come into existence? On part 1 of our deep dive into the frankly stunning "Philosophy of the World," we dive into the shocking conditions under which the 3 Wiggin sisters were literally forced to record the album as well as cover the first half of the songs therein. And yes, this includes your new favorite anthem "My Pal Foot Foot."

Music from https://filmmusic.io: "Darkest Child" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com) Licence: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

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Ep 177: "White Boy Summer" by Chet Hanx (Yes, Tom Hanks' Son)

Wed, 26 May 2021 04:05:07 GMT

What is a "White Boy Summer?" Is it as problematic as its name all but guarantees? Has Tom Hanks been informed of any of this? Did Chet Hanks REALLY include a link to an ACTING CLASS he teaches in the music video where his face is sandwiched between multiple butt cheeks??? So, so many questions are brought up in this week's episode on the latest summer bop by Jamaican-Patois-spouting-yet-very-white Chet Hanx, and we attempt to answer as many of them as we can.

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

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Ep 176: "Turtle Power" by Partners in Kryme (From the Film "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" 1990)

Tue, 18 May 2021 04:07:36 GMT

What is 'turtle power?' Where does it come from? Why does Mike have a thing for April O'Neil? At least one of these questions is answered in our deep dive into the song "Turtle Power," the official movie tie-in theme to the 1990 classic toy commercial that vaguely resembled a film.

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

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Ep 175: "Spiral" by 21 Savage (From the Film "Spiral: From the Book of Saw")

Tue, 11 May 2021 07:00:00 GMT

On this episode of the SAWtopsy Report we cut into the newest movie tie-in song by 21 Savage (although you wouldn't know it even was a movie tie-in based solely on the lyrics). And with references to bologna, 5 Guys, Swiss cheese, bread, and beef, the only true takeaway from this song is how hungry 21 Savage clearly was while he was writing it.

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

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"Are You Tellin' Me..." Ep 4: Michelangelo (the a*shole) vs Battle Pope

Tue, 04 May 2021 07:30:00 GMT

On a new and improved episode of "Are You Tellin' Me..." Steve breaks down obscure and shocking details about legendary Italian sculptor/painter Michelangelo. Going over his life, his legendary work on the Sistine Chapel, and his rivalries with other artists as well as MULTIPLE popes, Steve covers all of the way the legendary artist was also a huge diva. Mike keeps the ninja turtle references mostly to a minimum.

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

Check out the composer of our new and improved theme below!

https://www.felicitasentertainment.com

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Ep 173: "Big Bad John" by Jimmy Dean (yes, THAT Jimmy Dean)

Tue, 27 Apr 2021 07:00:00 GMT

You want folksy home-spun manufactured myths involving death, almost-definitely-murder, and (light?) necrophilia sung-spoken by a legendary proprietor of pork sausage? Well you you GET that on this week's episode all about the classic country 'recitation' song by the legendary Jimmy Dean. Also stick around for the other songs in the BBJ saga covering both his son and his "Cajun Queen."

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

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Ep 172: Remembering DMX (B-Side)

Tue, 20 Apr 2021 13:09:23 GMT

This week we highlight the life and career of rapper/actor/walking meme DMX, from his horrifying upbringing to his against-all-odds career to his, let's say, problematic lyrics and prison sentences. Stay tuned through the end to hear some dramatic (definitely real) unearthed audio.

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

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Ep 171: "Blue (Da Ba Dee)" by Eiffel 65

Tue, 13 Apr 2021 12:28:55 GMT

This week we dissect everyone's favorite 1999-Italian-europop-hit-song all about one specific color that also *might* be about an intergalactic space battle. We also dive into some of the other music this band made (yes, it was more than just this song actually) and discover the secret weapon in their songwriting arsenal.

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

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Ep 170: The 2016 Passion Play Jukebox Musical (ft. Tyler Perry, Daughtry, Seal, & Jencarlos)

Tue, 06 Apr 2021 08:00:00 GMT

After teasing its existence a few episodes back, we go all-in on this baffling 2016 New Orleans large-scale musical production of the prolific Easter tradition. Apparently the only thing the story of the crucifixion of Jesus had been missing this whole time was questionable covers of early-2000 pop rock songs. And no, to answer your question up front, Tyler Perry does NOT insert himself into the narrative as Madea.

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

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Ep 169: "Hotel Room Service" by Pitbull

Tue, 30 Mar 2021 07:00:00 GMT

We finally dive into Mr. Worldwide's body of work on this week's episode dissecting "Hotel Room Service." Why do Pitbull lyrics not make much sense? What became of the #exilepitbull campaign? Is Pitbull advocating for a roller-coaster-based means of getting guests to their hotel rooms? These questions and more are all answered!

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

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Ep 168: "Cop Rock," the 90's Musical Police TV Show

Tue, 23 Mar 2021 07:00:00 GMT

Some ideas sound good on paper but aren't so good in practice; this idea was bad in both forms. We dive into the short-lived but infamous police procedural show "Cop Rock" and discuss how it used musical numbers to not-so-sensitively tackle heavy topics such as racial profiling, prostitution, and human trafficking; oh, also Randy Newman shows up too.

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

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Ep 167: The 2021 Grammys Review (B-Sides)

Tue, 16 Mar 2021 04:36:24 GMT

This week we (meaning Nick) take a look at the 2021 Grammy awards this past Sunday and review EVERY SINGLE performance, including:

-Harry Styles

-Billy Eilish

-Haim

-Black Pumas

-Da Baby

-Bad Bunny

-Dua Lipa

-Silk Sonic

-Taylor Swift (SONGTOPSY ALUMNI)

-Megan Thee Stallion (SONGTOPSY ALUMNI)

-Cardi B (SONGTOPSY ALUMNI)

-Post Malone

-Lil Baby

-Doja Cat (SONGTOPSY ALUMNI)

-BTS

Do the alumni pull ahead? Which performance was the most surprising? Why did the Grammys feel 7 hours long? These questions and more are answered on this week's episode

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

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Ep 166: Listener Submitted Bad Songs, Part 8

Tue, 09 Mar 2021 08:00:00 GMT

For the EIGHTH time now you have subjected us to the music that has been haunting you, and this episode is no exception. From problematic Bloodhound Gang songs about crying strippers the MF Doom songs about literal piss to STEVEN SEAGAL SINGING WITH A JAMAICAN PATOIS, this episode is so much that Steven literally loses his mind by the end.

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

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Ep 165: "Bring Me to Life" by Evanescence

Tue, 02 Mar 2021 05:19:05 GMT

This week we take a trip back to your angsty youth when this timeless gothic nu-metal anthem was all the rage. We dive into the history of the band, the many ways that various Christian groups tried to co-op this song, and the eternal debate over whether the dude-vocals actually make or break the song.

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

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Ep 164: "Cheeky Song (Touch My Bum)" by The Cheeky Girls

Tue, 23 Feb 2021 08:30:00 GMT

We dissect the 2002 ode to how bums=life (literally) performed by the Transylvanian identical-twin pop duo The Cheeky Girls on this week's episode.

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260/episodes/recent

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Ep 163 BEST OF: "Monster Rap" by Bobby Boris Pickett, aka 'The Monster Mash' Guy

Tue, 16 Feb 2021 08:00:00 GMT

It's a best of (the VERY FIRST ONE!) episode for you guys this week as we revisit the very first Halloween-themed episode we ever did all about that one other song the "monster mash" guy did. Steve still wishes to this day that 'non-radio-friendly' version of the song existed...

Review us on Podchaser!

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

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Ep 162: Songs Sung by Wrestlers (ft. Hulk Hogan, The Undertaker, The Rock, and Rikishi)

Tue, 09 Feb 2021 05:39:44 GMT

We take another dive into the infinite sea of wrestler songs and dissect some of the most shocking, egregious, and tone-deaf music we may have ever covered, including:

-The Undertaker's Kidz Bop-esque anthem

-Hulk Hogan wishing dead kids were alive to cheer him on

-Rikishi's...ass

-That one racist yet sexually progressive song by The Rock he probably wishes everyone forgot

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

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Ep 161: "Escape (The Piña Colada Song)" by Rupert Holmes

Tue, 02 Feb 2021 05:22:23 GMT

If you like songs about cheating and getting caught in the...act of mutually committing infidelity you'll love this timeless ode to your favorite beachside cocktail. Mike leads us on a deep dive into the murky waters of The Piña Colada song and along the way discusses how some other songs Rupert Holmes had a hand in, including "Answering Machine" and his input in The Buoy's cannibalistic classic "Timothy," also tie in to his oeuvre.

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

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Ep 160: "Gangnam Style" by PSY

Tue, 26 Jan 2021 05:25:47 GMT

Our mission statement includes "noteworthy" songs, so why not just dissect The Big One? We dive into the first billion-viewed YouTube song on this week's episode and along the way we explain;

-What the lyrics ACTUALLY mean to every non-Korean who's been mindlessly dancing to them for the past 8 years

-WHERE that dance actually came from

-HOW this song literally triggered a doomsday scenario to YouTube's algorithm

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

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Ep 159: "Lil Pimp Big MAGA Steppin" by Lil Pump

Tue, 19 Jan 2021 08:00:00 GMT

As one narcissistic idiot leaves us, another swoops in to write a song about that first guy that he releases *after* said person loses their reelection campaign. We dive into Lil Pump's latest now-domestic-terrorist anthem "Lil Pimp Big MAGA Steppin", and then later on discuss the country/hip-hop (somehow NOT satire) song "Roger Stone Did Nothing Wrong."

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

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"Are You Tellin' Me..." Ep 3: Molasses Floods, World's Worst Surgeon, and Forty-Forts

Tue, 12 Jan 2021 09:00:00 GMT

In our third historically-bent podcast series Mike n' Steve dissect some over history's most shocking overlooked events, including;

-The *actual* war between Connecticut and Pennsylvania

-The surgeon with a 300% mortality rate

-The great Boston Molasses Flood of 1919

Check us out on Podchaser!

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

"Oppressive Gloom" and "Barroom Ballet" by Kevin MacLeod Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/4174-oppressive-gloom License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

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Ep 157: "Let the Sin Begin" by Psychosexual (renamed Psycho Synner)

Tue, 05 Jan 2021 08:00:00 GMT

Former Five Finger Death Punch drummer Jeremy Spencer made the next logical career move after leaving his former band; dress up like satan, call himself "Devil Daddy," and make an industrial metal band called "Psychosexual" that's all about how much he looooves spanking. Oh, and also film some softcore horror porn on the side. We dissect "Let the Sin Begin" on this week's episode and boy do we wish it didn't.

Review/follow us on Podchaser! We'd definitely not spank you if you did:

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-songtopsy-report-1569260

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Ep 156: Year in Review 2020 (B-Sides)

Wed, 30 Dec 2020 18:05:03 GMT

We go through the highlights, lowlights, and everything in between that the show went through during the perfectly normal and sane year that was 2020, including:

-Diving deeper on the Mike Russell original song "Sexism in Video Games"

-Steve's missed opportunity covering US presidential campaign songs

-The full version of the "Porn Star Dancing" parody "Strip Club Breakfast" (hey!)

Facebook: https://bit.ly/2VxGjkj

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Ep 155: "Fairytale of New York" by The Pogues, and THAT Bon Jovi Cover...

Tue, 22 Dec 2020 08:00:00 GMT

It's a double dissection this week! We dive into the fresh controversy that The Pogues' Christmas classic has been receiving recently with some of its more colorful lyrics, as well as the brand spankin' new Jon Bon Jovi cover of the song that is apparently so blasphemous that Mike can scarcely contain his rage. Does one Jon Bon Jovi truly equal one Kirsty MacColl and one Shane MacGowan?

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Ep 154: "Joel the Lump of Coal" by The Killers

Tue, 15 Dec 2020 08:30:00 GMT

When The Killers aren't busy coming out of their cage and feeling just fine they can be frequently found writing nihilistic Christmas songs, the bleakest of which we dissect on this week's Christmas-themed episode. Does this Christmas fable in song form have any deeper meaning? Does a young Donald Trump appear at one point? WHO IS MR. BRIGHTSIDE? At least two of those questions WILL be answered on this week's episode!

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Ep 153: "Drummer Boy (ft. Busta Rhymes)" by Justin Bieber

Tue, 08 Dec 2020 08:30:00 GMT

On our first Christmas episode of 2020 we revisit the Biebs and his, shall we say, "unique reimagining" of the timeless Christmas song "The Little Drummer Boy." Does this new version feature "original raps by Justin Bieber?" Does Busta Rhymes not rap about the drummer boy at all? Does Bieber claim he's actually god? all these questions are answered on this week's episode.

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Ep 152: "Party in the U.S.A." by Miley Cyrus

Tue, 01 Dec 2020 09:00:00 GMT

With Miley's new album just being dropped there's no better time to revisit her first major hit that seems to become wildly popular every time either a terrorist is killed or certain U.S presidents lose their reelection campaign. This week we attempt to find out why this is, so throw your hands up cuz we're playing this song.

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Ep 151: The Worst Thanksgiving Songs

Tue, 24 Nov 2020 14:44:30 GMT

This year let's all be thankful that these 3 songs are not perennial Thanksgiving classics. This week Mike leads the charge covering some of the worst Thanksgiving songs ever made, from 'music' about how to properly roast a turkey, to that ONE Nicole Westbrook song, to a culturally-sensitive song all about turkey murder entitled..."Turkey Murder."

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Ep 150: "Unknown Number" by Busy Signal

Tue, 17 Nov 2020 05:31:44 GMT

Acclaimed Jamaican Dancehall artist Busy Signal wrote an entire song just to let you know all of the reasons why he will not answer YOUR phone call, and we dissect it all on this week's episode.

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Ep 149: Presidential Campaign Songs (1825-2018)

Tue, 03 Nov 2020 05:44:09 GMT

We dive into the long and eclectic history of presidential campaign songs on this week's episode, from getting in rafts with Taft to endorsements by Frank Sinatra to... rap songs about Newt Gingrich.

Also; VOTE

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Ep 148: "Amputator" by Six Feet Under

Tue, 27 Oct 2020 04:12:18 GMT

Do you like gross Death Metal lyrics grunted by a 52 year pot head who's voice sounds like a loony toons character? We dive into one of the latest singles(!) by former Cannibal Corpse vocalist Chris Barnes and his side-project-turned-main-project Six Feet Under, and along the way Nick leads a read-along of song titles, Mike comes up with a name for the titular amputator, and Steve does not enjoy himself.

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Ep 147: "Addams Groove" by MC Hammer

Tue, 20 Oct 2020 07:30:00 GMT

"The Addams Family" film came out in 1991, and what artist was bigger that year than the untouchable MC Hammer himself? We dissect the last top 10 hit (and Razzie award-winning song) of MC Hammer and along the way provide a history of the original comic strip, dive into the old Munsters-vs-Addams feud, and also find out that creator Charles Addams dated THAT Kennedy.

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Ep 146: A Night at the (Horror) Movies (Ft. Maniac Cop 2, The Mutilator, and Child's Play)

Tue, 13 Oct 2020 08:00:00 GMT

We dive in to the deepest of deep cuts on this week's spoOoOoky episode all about the themes to some of your favorite B and C level slasher movies. Whether it's creatively titled "Maniac Cop Rap," the jarring juxtaposition of the song "Fall Break," or the demented funhouse of "The Chucky Song," one thing is definitely for certain; none of these musicians went on to do anything afterward.

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Ep 145: The Scientology Album They Didn't Want You to Hear (The Joy of Creating)

Tue, 06 Oct 2020 04:01:31 GMT

We swear this title isn't clickbait. We got our hands on one of the RAREST pieces of Scientology music ever recorded, in which a bunch of high ranking musicians in the church all recite L Ron Hubbard propaganda; but to upbeat, adult contemporary background music! From Issac Hayes to Chick Corea, this potential recruitment attempt of an album has long since been buried by history, but we dig it up and dissect it on this week's thetan-clearing episode.

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"Are You Tellin' Me..." Ep 2: The War Between Coke And Pepsi (ft. Nazis and Communists)

Tue, 29 Sep 2020 02:43:25 GMT

Steve leads Mike on another dissection of bad, bizarre and noteworthy history, this time all about the history of all of the jaw-dropping things Coke and Pepsi have done to assert their dominance as the premiere soda brand. Do you know which brand was founded by a confederate soldier? Or which one led to riots that led to death by grenades? Or which one once had the 6TH LARGEST MILITARY STOCKPILE IN THE WORLD???

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Ep 143: "The Purple People Eater" by Sheb Wooley

Tue, 15 Sep 2020 07:30:00 GMT

You know the song, but you definitely don't know what it's actually about; but did the artist even? We dive into the history of the hit novelty song "The Purple People Eater" on this week's episode, and along the way Mike provides an extensive history on the life of both Sheb Wooley and the monster itself, including scenes from the JAW-DROPPING 1988 movie based on the song.

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Ep 142: "Talkin' Baseball" by Terry Cashman

Tue, 08 Sep 2020 04:40:20 GMT

While this song may hold a spot in hearts of millions of baseball fans everywhere, it's important to know that it's also a terrible song (at least according to Nick). We dissect ALL of the versions of this perennial classic from the 80's, but stay tuned to the very end to hear an original and heartwarming NEW version sung by Steven Trolinger himself!

“Talkin’ Bad Songs” Produced by Andy Felicitas

https://www.felicitasentertainment.com

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Ep 141: The Mysterious Axeman's Jazz Murders (B-Sides)

Tue, 01 Sep 2020 08:00:00 GMT

The history of jazz is filled with as many dead bodies as it is wrong notes, and on this week's episode we go true-crime as we dive into the infamous (and purportedly jazz-loving) axeman's murders that plagued New Orleans in the early 20th century. Along the way we also dissect the actual piece of music that came out of these crimes and marvel at its...surprising jauntiness?

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Ep 140: "WAP" by Cardi B feat. Megan Thee Stallion

Tue, 25 Aug 2020 08:00:00 GMT

This week we dive into the new anthem of female empowerment by two women of color that, for some reason, a lot of white people seem to not be thrilled with. We take a nuanced look on the way this song de-stigmatizes female sexuality and how it fills a need for music and entertainment that caters to more than just a single watered-down mass audience, but don't worry there's plenty of immature humor too.

Smooth Lovin by Kevin MacLeod Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/4379-smooth-lovin License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

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Ep 139: "Flatten Da Curve" by Albany Lou ft. Uncle Murda

Tue, 18 Aug 2020 08:00:00 GMT

What we need in this pandemic isn't grounded reasoning or scientific inquiry, we need a white rapper from Nick's hometown letting us know how all of it is one giant conspiracy. We dive into up-and-coming rapper Albany Lou's latest anthem "Flatten Da Curve," and along the way Mike dives into Albany's sordid past, Nick reminisces about Albany's namesake town, and Steve certainly doesn't get topical.

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Ep 138: John Cena's Rap Career

Tue, 11 Aug 2020 07:00:00 GMT

The Doctor of Thuganomics has undergone many changes throughout his extensive career, but it is perhaps his white-guy-rap persona that was the most unfortunate. Steve leads us on a journey through John Cena's music career, from his start as a "ruthlessly aggressive" baby face all the way through the memefication of his theme song.

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Ep 137: Jada Pinkett Smith's Nu-Metal Band Wicked Wisdom

Tue, 04 Aug 2020 07:00:00 GMT

Before she was breaking Facebook Live with her husband Will Smith, Jada Pinkett Smith was fronting an honest-to-god Nu-Metal band that she founded herself. Was it just a novelty act, a vanity project, or a legitimate nu-metal act; which in turn would make it something we should all avoid?

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Ep 136: Listener-Submitted Bad Songs, Part 7!

Tue, 28 Jul 2020 13:08:43 GMT

For the SEVENTH time you, the wonderful listeners, have submitted the songs for us to dissect/suffer through today! From forgotten Pink Floyd tunes to 80's synth pop songs all about grammar to odes to buttholes, this week's episode HAS IT ALL.

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Ep 135: "Porn Star Dancing" by My Darkest Days, Ft. Ludacris, Nickelback, and Zakk Wylde

Tue, 21 Jul 2020 07:30:00 GMT

How did Ludacris, Ozzy’s guitarist, and Chad Kroeger all end up in the same place with a bunch of Canadian f#&kboys at the Hard Rock in Vegas surrounded by half-naked gyrating women? We attempt to figure that out as we dissect the hit song “Porn Star Dancing” by the short lived rock band My Darkest Days

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"Are You Telling Me..." Ep 1: A History Podcast with Mike and Steve

Tue, 14 Jul 2020 07:00:00 GMT

WE'RE STILL DOING MUSIC PEOPLE, but with Nick gone this week Steve and Mike gift you the first (maybe last?) episode of the experimental history podcast "Are You Telling Me" (formerly "It's History, Stupid)." Join wise teacher Steve and apt pupil Mike as they go through 3 wild and lesser-known historical tidbits, from presidential assassinations, to the madness that was Moving Day, to the most INSANE Olympics ever held, we hope you enjoy this week's detour through history!

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Ep 133: McGruff The Crime Dog's Anti-Drug Pop-Rock Album from the 80's

Tue, 07 Jul 2020 08:30:00 GMT

Anti-drug mascot McGruff the Crime Dog branched out into many forms of media throughout his career, including the incredibly obscure pop rock album for kids "Smart Kids (say no to drugs)." With hit songs all about marijuana being a gateway drug to accusatory songs assuming you use crack and cocaine to whatever the HELL is happening on the last track, this album serves as living proof that the war on drugs was lost before it even began.

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Ep 132: The 6 Craziest National Anthems

Tue, 30 Jun 2020 09:00:00 GMT

We get patriotic on this week's 4th of July episode by celebrating some of the OTHER not-America national anthems from other countries in the world. From lyrics about drinking the blood of your enemies, to other songs that also feature lyrics about drinking the blood of your enemies, clearly America's national anthem is way too docile.

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Ep 131: "The Champion" by Carman, aka The One Where Jesus Boxes Satan in Space

Tue, 23 Jun 2020 08:00:00 GMT

We get (American) biblical on this week's episode on the hit song "The Champion" by Vegas-showman-meets-televangelist Carman. Over the course of this 9 minute spoken-word opus Jesus, Satan, and Al Capone (no, seriously) meet in an intergalactic colosseum to box each other for..reasons, and we attempt to figure out what exactly Carman might have been thinking.

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Ep 130: The Angel Dust Album by Faith No More

Tue, 16 Jun 2020 07:00:00 GMT

Everybody loves Faith No More, right? Then why does nobody talk about the fact that the prolific rock band released one of the weirdest, most avant-garde mainstream albums of the 90's? On this week's episode Mike dives into the most bizarre moments from Angel Dust, from crack Hitlers, to white trash soliloquies, to German...shooting festival polkas?

https://fanlink.to/let-them-wait

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Ep 129: "Thotiana" by Blueface, With Special Guests Matt Greif and Adam Lowenthal of Stupid Smart

Tue, 09 Jun 2020 07:00:00 GMT

We're thrilled to have actual musicians on this week's episode of our music podcast! Rap duo Stupid Smart has a lot to say about the hit song "Thotiana" by up and coming rapper Blueface, and they help us dissect (or "bust down") every lyric. Stay tuned through the end to hear the latest single by Stupid Smart, or check out more of their music at any of the links below!

https://instagram.com/stupidsmartguys

https://www.facebook.com/pg/stupidsmartguys/

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Ep 128; Video Game Original Songs (Ft. Portal, Fallout 4, and Metal Gear Solid)

Wed, 03 Jun 2020 07:00:00 GMT

Steve shares some video game music and we have a good time.

Here are some places you can contribute to Black Lives Matter and other organizations helping with the protests:

https://blacklivesmatter.com

bit.ly/DEFUNDMPD

https://www.joincampaignzero.org

https://www.northstarhealthcollective.org/donate

https://brooklynbailfund.org/donate

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Ep 127: "London Bridge" by Fergie

Tue, 26 May 2020 06:00:00 GMT

We dissect Fergie's anglophile anthem to London Bridge (not to be confused with Tower Bridge, like Fergie does) on this week's episode. Along the way Nick exhaustively researches the history of the bridge itself, Mike discusses the 'awkward naked dance' part of a Zoom date, and Steve explains the importance of spelling.

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Ep 126: "GOOBA" by 6ix9ine

Tue, 19 May 2020 06:00:00 GMT

Fresh from his Rikers Island tour, 6ix9ine makes his second appearance on the podcast with his new internet-breaking song GOOBA. Has his time in prison humbled the candy-coated rapper? Or has- no, no prison definitely did not do this.

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Ep 125: Our Guilty Pleasures (Featuring Powerwolf, Fast Food Rockers, and Randy Newman)

Tue, 12 May 2020 05:30:00 GMT

On this week's episode we take a break on ragging on other music and take shots at the music that WE enjoy (despite the fact we should know better). Between Nick's metal, Mike's bubblegum pop, and Steve's politically-incorrect novelty songs, we're here to show in this episode that we don't know any better either.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-songtopsy-report/id1247160090

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Ep 124: "Down with the Sickness" by Disturbed

Tue, 05 May 2020 04:50:54 GMT

We're back in the world of Nu (ah-ah-ah-ah) Metal on this week's episode all about the Disturbed classic that has become unusually popular as of late. What is it about? Does it still hold up? Why is it the only song ever written that has an "abuse section?" We answer all these questions and more during an especially disturbing dissection.

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Ep 123: "I Saw A Tiger" by Joe Exotic (the Tiger King)

Tue, 28 Apr 2020 08:30:00 GMT

We're back and more socially distanced than ever! And what better time than now to dissect the music of Joe "Tiger King" Exotic, the borderline mythical zookeeper and convicted felon who was the subject of a Netflix documentary that captured the attention of the world. His music however (or rather *not* his music) got very little attention, and this week we break down how exactly his anthem "I saw a Tiger" came into existence and who actually sang it (spoiler; not Joe Exotic).

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Minisode: See You in April!

Tue, 03 Mar 2020 09:00:00 GMT

Big things are coming for the podcast...

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Ep 122: Rapping Tom Hanks, Inspector Gadget, and Wild Wild West (A Day at the Movies)

Thu, 27 Feb 2020 10:00:00 GMT

Steven treats us all to another 'Day at the Movies' this week as we dive into 3 classic(?) songs from 3 classic movies that were based on 3 classic TV shows. Along the way Mike confirms what it's like to have your Miranda rights read, Nick gets his mind blown, and Steve pitches his idea for an adult-themed Inspector Gadget spinoff.

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Ep 121: "Laffy Taffy" by D4L

Mon, 17 Feb 2020 06:25:32 GMT

We dissect the, at one point, *most* downloaded song in history on this week's episode all about D4L's 2005 hit "Laffy Taffy." From trying to figure out the net worth of Mrs. Bubble Gum, to 50 Cent (maybe?) stealing this song for his own hit "Candy Shop," we paw through this candy aisle to figure out how this song came to exist.

Bossa Antigua Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

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Ep 120: The Three Types of Love Songs (With Special Guest Professor Withersbee)

Mon, 10 Feb 2020 05:24:50 GMT

With Valentine’s Day right around the corner we invite U.K. professor and definitely-not-Steven-Trolinger Professor Withersbee to discuss the 8 types of love as defined by the ancient Greeks and songs that exemplify 3 of these. From Biz Markie, to Sweet Tangerines, to touching yourself with Divinyls, we go through mania, Eros, and everything in between.

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Ep 119: "It's Everyday Bro" by Jake Paul

Mon, 03 Feb 2020 05:11:57 GMT

We dive into the infuriating world of "Youtube star diss track" rap on this week's episode all about potentially the worst out of the 2 Paul siblings. Along the way we shed some light on the legally dubious antics of this child with a camera, and Mike goes through a dramatic arc regarding his feelings on influencers finding success via social media.

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Ep 118: "Rockstar" by Nickelback

Tue, 28 Jan 2020 05:00:34 GMT

After dancing around them for years, we finally dive into Nickelback on this week's episode with what is unequivocally their worst song that doesn't rhyme with "shmrotograph." Along the way we shed some light on frontman Chad "Freddy" Kroeger's sordid past (including that one time he almost got a man castrated), and Steve explains how he is, in fact, the very model of a modern major music star.

https://www.facebook.com/shanalynettemusic/

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Ep 117: Listener Submitted Bad Songs, Part 6!

Mon, 20 Jan 2020 08:30:00 GMT

From old country songs about loving your sister too much, to songs about 'sushi girls,' to that B Double O T Y, for the 6th time you the listeners have provided the wonderfully terrible content that we are forced to endure on this week's episode.

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Bonus Ep: Shana Lynette Heard Our Podcast...

Thu, 16 Jan 2020 07:30:00 GMT

For the first time ever on The Songtopsy Report, an artist we covered on a previous episode not only HEARD our episode on them, but also reached out to us to give us some addition behind the scenes info on how a song with a title like "Mr. Russian, Please Don't Shoot Down Santa's Sleigh" gets made.

Check out Shana Lynette Stone's music below!

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Ep 116: Animal-Fronted Death Metal Bands (Caninus and Hatebeak)

Mon, 13 Jan 2020 05:04:04 GMT

Death Metal vocals are frequently considered 'inhuman;' Caninus and Hatebeak just take that one tiny step further. On the first full-length new episode of 2020 we break down 2 different Death Metal bands in which dogs and birds serve as vocalists, and along the way we gain some shocking insight into the upcoming biographical film documenting the rise and fall of Waldo the African Grey Parrot.

Rate/Review us!

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-songtopsy-report/id1247160090

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Minisode: "Sexism in Video Games" by Mike Russell

Mon, 06 Jan 2020 08:00:00 GMT

In lieu of a full length new episode (because Nick had to up and get sick) we present to you the Mike Russell original song "Sexism in video games" that he had to perform acapella for his feminism 101 class way back in college. Check out the original vid (with a watermark-laden photo slideshow) below!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w08uRFCGQpw

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Ep 115: Songtopsy Year in Review (B-Side)

Mon, 30 Dec 2019 07:00:00 GMT

On our last episode of 2019 we recap on some of the most memorable/horrible topics we discussed over the past year, shout out some wonderful listeners, and provide a little teaser on what's to come in the upcoming year!

Rate/review us!

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-songtopsy-report/id1247160090

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Ep 114: "Funky, Funky Xmas" by New Kids on the Block

Mon, 23 Dec 2019 09:00:00 GMT

New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits; this is not one of them. We dissect one of the most infamous Christmas songs from the legendary boy band's already-infamous Christmas album, and along the way Mike almost is broken due to the SHEER lack of funk present.

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Ep 113: "Mr. Russian, Please Don't Shoot Down Santa's Sleigh" by Shana Lynette

Mon, 16 Dec 2019 08:00:00 GMT

On this week's equally festive and patriotic episode we dissect an obscure Cold War-era jingle in which a child pleads with the USSR not to murder Santa; how this song did not become a Christmas mainstay will forever remain a mystery. Stay tuned to the end to hear an original, definitely-not-written-by Steven original anti-communist Dr. Seuss poem.

Rate/Review us: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-songtopsy-report/id1247160090

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Ep 111: The Music of Charles Manson

Mon, 25 Nov 2019 09:00:00 GMT

Cult leader, murder-inspirer, and crummy folk musician Charles Manson will undoubtedly go down in history for instigating the Tate/Labianca murders in 1969, but it was his music that he most wanted to be known for. We break down the dark and twisted history of Manson that led him to the door of one of The Beach Boys who ALMOST GOT HIM PRODUCED, and we dissect some of his (and his "family's") songs that have leaked over the years.

Rate/review us! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-songtopsy-report/id1247160090

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Ep 110: "Shake the Baby Silent" by Lordi

Tue, 19 Nov 2019 04:58:07 GMT

Eurovision winners and "greatest Finnish export" Lordi become Edge-Lordi on their new single to their upcoming album. We dissect this song all about...something, and along the way Mike recounts the similarities between this Finnish metal song and the film Old Yeller, and Nick reminds you that you should NEVER SHAKE A BABY UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

Check out the full archive of episodes! https://www.dapperdevilproductions.com/the-songtopsy-report

"You Know Who I Am" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

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Ep 109: "Jam (Turn It Up)" by Kim Kardashian

Mon, 11 Nov 2019 05:19:43 GMT

On this week's episode we dive into the ONLY song by Kim Kardashian; was this song a legitimate stab at translating her reality-TV success into pop stardom, or was it a harmless musical fling with a grammy-winning songwriter? While we can't say what could have been, we can definitely dissect the dead and forgotten song she did provide to the world.

Check out the full archive of episodes!

https://www.dapperdevilproductions.com/podcasts

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Ep 108: Best Of Listener Submitted Bad Songs

Mon, 04 Nov 2019 13:19:45 GMT

This week we've compiled some of our favorite songs that you, the wonderful listeners, have forced us to endure over the years.

https://www.dapperdevilproductions.com

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Ep 107: Freddy Krueger vs Jason Voorhees (Themes), aka Alice Cooper vs The Fat Boys

Mon, 28 Oct 2019 09:00:00 GMT

They're two of horror's biggest icons, and since this was the 80's of course they got theme songs. On our spooky Halloween episode we dive into the official themes for Friday the 13th Part 6: Jason Lives and Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master to see which immortal slasher had the better (or just least bad) theme song; it's shock-rock vs hip-hop, and you'll want to hang around til the booo-tter end!

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Ep 106: “Halloween” by Aqua, aka Murder Duet

Tue, 22 Oct 2019 03:58:32 GMT

You may know Aqua primarily from their “Barbie Girl” global hit, but you may not have heard their spookier, but still very europop-y dance hit all about getting murdered on Halloween. We dissect Mike’s favorite childhood band and along the way the Songtopsy Crap-o-meter takes a few hits of its own...

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Ep 105: "Incubus" by Radio Werewolf, aka You're a Satanism Nerd

Tue, 15 Oct 2019 03:55:26 GMT

We go way down the rabbit hole on this week's spooky episode on terrifying-to-80's-middle-America-cult-unground-satanist-goth(-rockers?) Radio Werewolf. From their links to Church of Satan founder Anton Lavey, to their definitely-not-nazi song lyrics to their bonkers interviews on conservative TV shows, we dissect possibly the *objectively* worst song we've ever covered on the show.

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Ep 104: Songs That Did NOT Age Well (B-Sides)

Mon, 07 Oct 2019 09:00:00 GMT

Not every song can have lyrics that will forever be regarded as being 'not problematic,' but the 3 songs on this week's B-Sides unfortunately did not make that cut. From the racist to the misogynist to every terrible spot in between, we dissect the songs whose central messages are not long for this world.

Check out more content at: https://www.dapperdevilproductions.com

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Ep 103: "Alone" by Falling In Reverse

Mon, 30 Sep 2019 08:00:00 GMT

If you're a 'trapcore' artist writing a song about how much you don't want to be alone, maybe in that same song it's not a good idea to trash talk every person you've ever interacted with. Steve returns (a married one!) on this week's episode to dissect this angsty diss track all about how much Ronnie Radke 'wins.' Come for the story on how he was involved in a murder, stay for Mike's innovative veterinarian exotic-animal-drag-race proposal.

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Ep 102: "Betrayed" by Lil Xan

Mon, 23 Sep 2019 09:00:00 GMT

We slow things waaaaaaaaay down on this week's episode as we dive into the most popular lullaby from up-and-coming Soundcloud rapper Lil Xan! We translate his very own translations of his own lyrics, discuss how his decision to become a platinum-selling rapper was purely logistical, and discover a whole range of other potential drug-derived rapper names.

Buuuuuuut you should also check out the trailer to "Chad is Not the Killer" by heading over to: https://www.dapperdevilproductions.com/films

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Minisode: Where have we Been/DJ Steve Trolinger

Wed, 11 Sep 2019 09:30:00 GMT

You got questions? We got answers!

Also check out the trailer for our upcoming film "Chad is Not the Killer" right here: https://www.dapperdevilproductions.com/films

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Ep 101: Listener Submitted Bad Songs, Part 5

Wed, 28 Aug 2019 04:02:39 GMT

For the 5th time YOU the listeners have decided the bad songs we will be discussing this week! From a song called "Young Girl" that is as problematic as you could possibly dread, to Nicki Minaj's anthem to stupid hoes, to "Pop Muzik," you guys have made sure that every genre of every decade is represented in the worst possible way.

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Ep 100: "Baby" by Justin Bieber

Mon, 19 Aug 2019 12:34:20 GMT

For our 100th episode we tackle the one song that has the most empirical, measurable evidence of how bad it is ever written. Along with this damning information Steve relates the story of the time Bieber abandoned his pet monkey at a German airport, Nick relates the story of his first love, and Mike gives his dad some dating tips.

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Ep 99: "MacArthur Park" by Richard (Dumbledore) Harris

Mon, 29 Jul 2019 12:27:40 GMT

It's one of the most covered (and hated) songs about a soggy cake ever recorded, and it was recorded by one of the greatest actors of the 20th century possibly while he was completely plastered. We dissect this "baroque pop" classic from the late 60's on this week's episode and attempt to definitively answer WHO, in fact, left the cake out in the rain at MacArthur Park.

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Ep 98: "Thong Song" by Sisqó

Mon, 15 Jul 2019 03:48:41 GMT

That moment when Sisqó fell to his knees in 1999 and BEGGED to be shown 'that thong' was a watershed moment for all of us, and 20 years after it was first released we break down what exactly Sisqó was trying to say with lyrics like "dumps like a truck."

*Slight correction*: while Sisqó was 19 when he first wrote the song he was actually 21 when it was released; BUT HE STILL HADN'T SEEN A THONG.

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Ep 97: "Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American)" by Toby Keith

Thu, 04 Jul 2019 01:28:18 GMT

What better way to celebrate America's independence than with an upbeat, country-music propaganda war anthem! We dissect Toby Keith's preposterously patriotic banger on this week's super-American episode.

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Ep 96: "They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa!" by Napoleon XIV

Mon, 24 Jun 2019 08:00:00 GMT

Mental health is definitely an issue that can be appropriately broached in a kooky novelty song, at least according to the 60's. We dive into this terrifying one-hit-wonder that started from a guy tinkering with a Variable Frequency Oscillator and ended in madness, and along the way Mike compares and contrasts his own experience at the 'funny farm' with Napoleon XIV's.

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Ep 95: The Worst Marvel Movie Songs

Mon, 17 Jun 2019 07:00:00 GMT

Marvel hasn't always been the hugely successful, money-printing juggernaut it is today, and this was especially true when it came to their "music inspired by the movie" output. On this week's episode we break down 3 less-than-marvelous songs from the studios' darker, more Chad-Kroeger-y days. But if you need a palette cleanser afterwards, why not head over to https://www.dapperdevilproductions.com/dairys-of-our-lives and check out Mike Russell's milk-soaked dramatic web series!

Music from https://filmmusic.io: "Failing Defenses" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com) Licence: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

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Ep 94: "Daddy" by Die Antwoord

Mon, 10 Jun 2019 07:00:00 GMT

In celebration of Father's Day coming up, we take a look at the hit song "Daddy" by infamous artsy-fartsy South African hip-hop duo Die Antwoord. Is this song celebrating the same kind of daddy that typically gets recognized on Father's Day? Or is it a kinky, potentially troubling song by a group that has recently come under a harsh spotlight due to some alarming allegations?

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Ep 93: "Golden Shower" by Lindemann, aka Rammstein in English

Mon, 03 Jun 2019 03:44:47 GMT

This week we dissect Rammstein vocalist Till Lindemann's English side-project all about peeing on people. Is there some deep, subversive poetry at play in this industrial metal banger? Or is it literally just a song that describes getting peed on?

Check out the archives + Dairys of our Lives at:

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Ep 92: R. Kelly, Blood on the Dance Floor, and Other Artists We'll NEVER Cover (B-Sides)

Mon, 20 May 2019 08:30:00 GMT

If our podcast was a sitcom this would be the "special episode." This week we take a look at some of the artists that many of you suggested we dissect that, for one reason or another, we won't touch with a ten-foot pole. What could possibly cause us to neglect our solemn duty to dissect the most bad, bizarre, or otherwise noteworthy music out there? Listen to find out, and then check out "Dairys of Our Lives" below for a palette cleanser.

https://www.dapperdevilproductions.com

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Ep 91: "All Star" by Smash Mouth

Mon, 13 May 2019 08:00:00 GMT

It's 20 years old and is described as an"unkillable" song, so how can we dissect it??? This week we try, as we dive into the countlessly covered, parodied, licensed, remixed, reinterpreted hit song that is simply a part of our lives at this point. Along the way we shed some light on the songwriting process for "All Star," we unearth some hidden environmental messages, and somehow we tie this song to the plot of "Superman IV: The Quest for Peace."

Check out the full archive at: https://www.dapperdevilproductions.com/the-songtopsy-report

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Ep 90: "Teddy Bear" by Red Sovine, aka Sentimental Trucker Music

Mon, 29 Apr 2019 07:30:00 GMT

We dive into the forgotten sub-genre of trucker music on this week's episode and dissect the 70's classic "spoken-word recitation" hit about a paraplegic boy with a CB Radio and a whole bunch of eager truckers. Stay tuned to the end to hear the beautiful, totally improvised Steven Trolinger original trucker song "10 Tacos for Timmy!"

Check out Dairys of our Lives and other Songtopsy news!

https://www.dapperdevilproductions.com/the-songtopsy-report

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Ep 89: "Invisible" by Clay Aiken

Tue, 23 Apr 2019 07:00:00 GMT

American Idol alumni and legitimately amazing humanitarian Clay Aiken nevertheless performed a song on his debut album that will forever be embraced as the anthem of stalkers. We dissect the song that literally states "if I was invisible then I would just watch you in your room" and along the way Steve hands out a superpower quiz, Mike discusses Casper-the-friendly-ghost-fetishes, and Nick fends off accusations by his own cohosts.

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Ep 88: The Elon Musk Rap Song "RIP Harambe"

Mon, 15 Apr 2019 04:05:33 GMT

When he's not busy paying the SEC 20 million dollars for stock manipulation, Tesla CEO Elon Musk is busy writing rap songs about 3-year-old memes. We dissect the corpse of a song about the corpse of a gorilla on this week's episode and along the way Mike shares some theories about Musk's coping mechanisms, Nick blames the parents, and Steven translates ghost-gorilla hand signals.

Check out our new website!

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Ep 87: Listener Submitted Bad Songs, Part 4!

Mon, 08 Apr 2019 07:30:00 GMT

Once again you, the listeners, have dredged up some absolute gems of bad, bizarre, or otherwise noteworthy music that we dissect on our fourth listener-submitted episode! From Five Finger Death Punch to Hot Ham and Cheese to...Unicorns Killed My Girlfriend, this one is doozy, and it's dedicated to Louie Anderson, who definitely is NOT featured in one of these songs...

New Website!

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Ep 86: The Official Wrestling Album (B-Sides)

Mon, 01 Apr 2019 07:00:00 GMT

Good wrestlers must also be good singers, right? With WrestleMania 35 rapidly approaching, we take a look back at the 2 official WWF wrestling albums released in the 80's that definitively answer this question. From Hulk Hogan to Junkyard Dog to the boss Vince McMahon himself, we can definitely say that, as far as singers go, these are all pretty good wrestlers.

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Minisode: Dapper Devil Productions!

Mon, 25 Mar 2019 08:00:00 GMT

Our new website is officially live! Check it out at:

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Ep 85: "We Built This City" by Starship

Tue, 19 Mar 2019 07:00:00 GMT

We dive into the almost universally-acknowledged worst song of the 80's on this week's totally rockin' episode. "We Built This City" has a legacy that precedes itself, but we dig a little deeper and get to the bottom of some of the most lingering questions this song has brought up, such as; why does nobody seem to know who *actually* wrote this song? Why do none of the band members seem to be able to say what the lyrics are about? HOW DID MARCONI PLAY THE MAMBA??? We destroy this city and sift through the rubble to find out.

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Ep 84: "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke ft. T.I. and Pharrell

Mon, 11 Mar 2019 07:30:00 GMT

Robin Thicke hates blurred lines about as much as we hate songs in which a 'The Masked Singer' judge creeps on women in a club and calls them animals. We dissect this insanely popular song written by...Marvin Gaye? And along the way Mike educates Nick and Steve on da club etiquette, Nick reveals some of the mind-boggling statements that Pharrell has made regarding this song, and Steve endorses Horny Brain Brand Bran Flakes.

Facebook: https://bit.ly/2VxGjkj

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Ep 83: The Music of Scientology, Part 2

Mon, 04 Mar 2019 08:30:00 GMT

On part 2 of our dive into the music of Scientology we dissect the post-LRH music spewed forth by the organization, from the infamous "We Stand Tall" anthem to the shockingly high number of songs featuring white-guy rapping. Along the way Steven recounts a true story of his visit the Church of Scientology's headquarters and Nick conducts an auditing session on Mike!

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Ep 82: The Music of Scientology, Part 1

Mon, 25 Feb 2019 08:00:00 GMT

We clear ourselves of Thetans on this week's episode as we dissect the music spawned by the Church of Scientology! On part one of our series, we dive into the music that L. Ron Hubbard himself had a hand in, either by producing, composing, or (Xenu help us) singing. Along the way we also dive into the history of the Church and its beliefs; Mike may or may not be swayed into joining, stay tuned for part 2.

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Ep 81: "Lady Bump" by Penny McLean, aka "AHHHHHHHHHGGGG!"

Mon, 18 Feb 2019 05:57:18 GMT

You probably haven't heard this groovy 1975 disco hit, but boy oh boy does pack a heaping of jarring moments. We dissect this oft-overlooked song by the Austrian disco-singer turned mystical/esoteric author, and along the way Mike discusses his witch-hunting days in upstate New York, Steve critiques music video camera placement, and Nick reads from one of Penny's books!

Cambodian Odyssey by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

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Ep 80: Love Themes from Action Films

Tue, 12 Feb 2019 08:30:00 GMT

It's another Steven Trolinger "Day at the Movies!" episode as we celebrate Valentine's Day by discussing 3 of the sappiest, most bizarre, and most overwrought romantic themes from movies that shouldn't have had romantic themes. Along the way Mike gives some pillow talk tips, Nick reminisces on his VHS copy of "The Mask of Zorro," and Steve reveals his enemy list he had in grade school.

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Ep 79: Is Imagine Dragons Really the Worst Band? (B-Sides)

Mon, 04 Feb 2019 02:58:31 GMT

Is Steve's favorite band really the new Nickelback as so many recent memes/articles have been claiming, or is their criticism blown wildly out of proportion? We dive into this question (and unearth some horrifying old cuts by the band) on this week's episode of B-Sides.

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Ep 78: "Crank That" by Soulja Boy

Mon, 28 Jan 2019 08:00:00 GMT

Soulja Boy has clawed his way back into the zeitgeist in early 2019, so what better time to revisit that one song he released that made him relevant to begin with? We dive into his recent breakfast club interview, his claims that he made Drake what he is, and the bafflingly large amount of Chinese knock-off electronics he's reselling under the Soulja Boy brand. Who's going to enjoy this episode? YOUUUUUUU!

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Ep 77: "4'33" by John Cage

Mon, 21 Jan 2019 15:58:06 GMT

It's one of the most influential American compositions of post-war avant-garde music; or, depending on who you ask, it's a bunch of artsy-fartsy BS. We dissect this minimalist classic on this week's episode and along the way we dive into the Zen Buddhism philosophy that inspired the piece, Mike rails against art and higher education, and we do a cover of 4'33 ourselves!

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Ep 76: "R2deepthroat" by Emmure

Mon, 14 Jan 2019 08:00:00 GMT

We delve into the bro-iest of metalcore (brocore) acts on this week's episode as we dissect the Emmure classic "R2deepthroat." It's not about what you think it is, which may or may not be a good thing. Also we discuss why 4 former band members once quit the band at the same time, and we learn a lot about the unfortunate life of Gary the construction worker.

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-songtopsy-report-the-worst-music-dissected/id1247160090?mt=2

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Ep 75: "Happy Ending" by Hopsin

Mon, 07 Jan 2019 08:00:00 GMT

We kick off an exciting new year of bad music with almost certainly the most racist song we've ever covered. Rapper Hopsin describes, complete with a fake accent that would make Mickey Rooney blush, his sexual encounter at an Asian massage parlor in "Happy Ending" and we break down all of the reasons why someone should have recommended he write a song about literally anything else.

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Ep 74: Let's Discuss "Baby, It's Cold Outside..."

Sun, 30 Dec 2018 07:00:00 GMT

We foolishly stumble into the Culture Wars on this week's episode and discuss the increasingly-seen-as-problematic holiday classic "Baby, it's Cold Outside." Has this song actually been describing sexual harassment this whole time, or is it just being misconstrued in today's climate? Either way, you'll definitely agree we're not the most qualified people to be discussing it.

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https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-songtopsy-report-the-worst-music-dissected/id1247160090?mt=2

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Ep 73: "Please Daddy Don't Get Drunk This Christmas" by John Denver

Mon, 24 Dec 2018 08:00:00 GMT

For our heartwarming Christmas episode we dissect John Denver, a legendary folk musician who somehow did a Christmas album with the Muppets while also recording another Christmas album involving alcoholism and childhood trauma. We dive into the history of this song (and its songwriter(s)) and along the way we attempt to piece together the sordid details of the characters in this dark, sad, festive jingle. Merry Christmas everyone!

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https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-songtopsy-report-the-worst-music-dissected/id1247160090?mt=2

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Ep 72: Listener Submitted Bad Songs, Part 3!

Mon, 17 Dec 2018 09:30:00 GMT

At long last we're back with another episode consisting of songs YOU, the beautiful listener, suggested to us! Nowhere else on the internet will you find a podcast that discusses David Bowie, Anal C*nt, and Doja Cat all in THE SAME episode, so you're welcome. And after you give us a listen be sure leave us a review if you like what you hear; and if you don't, then shoot us a message suggest a better song for next time!

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-songtopsy-report-the-worst-music-dissected/id1247160090?mt=2

https://twitter.com/songtopsyreport?lang=en

https://twitter.com/DapperDevilProd

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Ep 71: Tolkien and Metal (B-Sides)

Mon, 10 Dec 2018 08:00:00 GMT

Lord of the Rings author J. R. R Tolkien *is* the godfather of metal, and on this week's episode of B-Sides we dive into all of the different ways his work has bled into the world of metal, from band names to stage names to metal musicians perspectives on how the Dwarves actually represent greedy capitalist pigs. Stay tuned for a surprise guest who unexpectedly drops in halfway through. Almost like an...unexpected journey! Oh damn droppin' Hobbit references!

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Minisode: Thank You's and MOON METAL!

Mon, 03 Dec 2018 08:00:00 GMT

Minisode this week! Some news, bloopers, and thank you's are all in order.

Rate/Review! https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-songtopsy-report-the-worst-music-dissected/id1247160090?mt=2

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Ep 70: When Musicians Brawl: Cardi B vs Nicki Minaj vs Insane Clown Posse vs Limp Bizkit vs The Gallagher Brothers (B-Sides)

Mon, 26 Nov 2018 05:54:35 GMT

Some musicians do duets with each other, others drop-kick and/or throw shoes at each other. On this week's episode of B-Sides we dive into some of the most infamous times popular musicians have come to blows, attempt to figure out what led to them, and, most importantly, declare a winner for each of THE BATTLE OF THE BLANDS/ PETTYPOCALYPSE!

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Ep 69: "Son Don't Go Near the Indians" by Rex Allen

Mon, 19 Nov 2018 05:53:41 GMT

Happy almost-Thanksgiving! And what better way to celebrate than by hearing a classic song from the early-60's that tells the HORRIFYING story about why a young Rex Allen really should listen to his pop and stay away from the Indians. You wouldn't think the narrator from The Incredible Journey could so casually write a song involving this much murder and greek-tragedy-esque plot twists, but Tyrana-horny Rex has quite a few surprises hidden under that massive cowboy hat of his.

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Ep 68: Saturday Morning Cartoon Themes, Part II

Mon, 05 Nov 2018 14:16:02 GMT

The Cartoon Cavalcade returns! On this week's episode we dive into 3 classic cartoon themes from your misspent youth and along the way we discover the planet of New Texas, the logistics of teaching dinosaurs kung-fu in a museum basement, and how easy it is to make your own TV Theme by just ripping off "Wild Thing." Please rate/review us on Apple Podcasts, preferably 5 (Brave)starrs!

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Ep 67: "Dragula" by Rob Zombie

Tue, 30 Oct 2018 08:00:00 GMT

Happy Halloween! And what better way to celebrate than by digging through some ditches and burning through some witches with musician/director/hellbilly-deluxer Rob Zombie? We dive into his hit song about...something, and along the way figure out what fuel works best for a Dragula, Steve gets a great costume idea, and we discover why Margaret can never die.

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Ep 66: The Hungarian Suicide Song

Tue, 23 Oct 2018 04:03:56 GMT

Can one song really make over 100 people commit suicide? And are we, a comedy podcast, able to discuss the tragic history of a cursed song with the nuance and sincerity it deserves? We tackle both pressing questions this week as we discuss "Gloomy Sunday," the 1933 composition by Rezso Seress that has been linked to many people committing suicide after hearing it.

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https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-songtopsy-report-the-worst-music-dissected/id1247160090?mt=2

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Ep 65: "M.I.L.F $" by Fergie

Mon, 15 Oct 2018 08:00:00 GMT

Songtopsy Report alumni Fergie makes her second appearance on our show with her hit song about milfs, but not the bad kind because it actually stands for "mothers I'd like to follow" you see and also milf = milk get it? We wade into some deep topics and Fergie wades into some deep milk on this episode, and the absolutely best way you could show your appreciation for this dirty work we do is to leave us a review on Apple Podcasts! https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-songtopsy-report-the-worst-music-dissected/id1247160090?mt=2

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Ep 64: The Synth Powered by Blood (B-Sides)

Mon, 08 Oct 2018 12:39:23 GMT

On today's B-Side we look into the Russian art project by ::vtol:: in which 8 pints of human blood power a battery hooked up to a synth. Is it nightmare fuel? Is it a political statement? Does Mike know how windmills work??? All is revealed in this week's dive into this bloody mess of an art project.

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Ep 63: "About That Life" by Attila

Tue, 02 Oct 2018 08:00:00 GMT

On this week hip-hoppin'-metal band Attila challenges you to ask yourself if you're about that life, which in their eyes means having a "bad b*tch" count your money while you're "on your playstation." Mike also discusses his unfortunate inappropriate T-Shirt incidents and Steve discovers the correlation between Attila's vocalist and the Green Goblin.

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Ep 62: "Baby Shark" and Other Viral Hits

Mon, 24 Sep 2018 07:00:00 GMT

What's the deal with grandpa shark? What exactly is the relationship between badgers and mushrooms? WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY??? All of these pressing questions were posed by different songs that went viral, and we break them down on this week's special "Viral Video Safari" episode!

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https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-songtopsy-report-the-worst-music-dissected/id1247160090?mt=2

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Ep 61: "PopoZão" by Kevin Federline

Mon, 17 Sep 2018 14:04:53 GMT

For a brief time part-time rapper and full-time Britney Spears ex-husband K-Fed was the most despised celebrity in America, and when his first song "Popozao" dropped absolutely nothing changed. We dissect this relic that spawned one of the first viral youtube videos, and along the way we learn a little Portuguese from K-Fed.

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Ep 60: The Siberian "Well to Hell" Recordings (B-Sides)

Mon, 10 Sep 2018 08:00:00 GMT

In 1989 audio emerged that appeared to be the sounds of Hell itself, recorded by a team of Russian scientists. On today's second B-Sides episode we dissect the infamous urban legend recording and along the way Nick shares the shocking backstory, Steve's Catholic upbringing rears its fear-inducing head, and Mike ponders the union situation in Hell.

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https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-songtopsy-report-the-worst-music-dissected/id1247160090?mt=2

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Ep 59: "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" by Meat Loaf

Mon, 03 Sep 2018 05:13:30 GMT

An 8 minute long opus chronicling the horrors of premarital sex? That is also inexplicably a popular wedding song? We investigate this Meat Loaf classic on this week's episode, and along the way Steve pitches his unwritten Meat Loaf musical (involving vampires), Mike discusses the pitfalls of car sex, and Nick figures out what the baseball term "suicide squeeze" *actually* means.

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https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-songtopsy-report-the-worst-music-dissected/id1247160090?mt=2

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Ep 58: The Worst of "Scorpion" by Drake

Mon, 20 Aug 2018 08:00:00 GMT

We're upset. If you always wanted to hear 25 songs about a multi-millionaire complaining about his life then Drake has you covered. From "I'm Upset" to "Ratchet Happy Birthday," we dive into Drake's newest album and discuss his dangerous dance challenges, his appreciation for birthday muffins, and the ensuing gang war involving anthropomorphic Reeses Pieces hinted at in his discography.

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https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-songtopsy-report-the-worst-music-dissected/id1247160090?mt=2

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Ep 57: Dead Musician Holograms (Deep Cut/B-Sides)

Mon, 13 Aug 2018 07:00:00 GMT

We take a break from the the bad songs on this episode and focus on the (potentially?) bad idea of holograms of dead musicians performing again. From Tupac to Ronnie James Dio to Michael Jackson, the dead are rising rapidly and, as we discuss, it may not be long before a hologram of Abraham Lincoln mounted to a spider robot is running the whole goddamn country!

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Minisode- The 6ix9ine GUMMO parody "SHO-GUMMO" by Mike Russell ft. Stupid Smart

Mon, 06 Aug 2018 08:00:00 GMT

Is it your birthday today? Cuz it's about to feel like it. Behold the long-awaited professionally done 6ix9ine parody "SHO-GUMMO" by Mike Russell featuring Matt Greif of Stupid Smart. You can check out:

Stupid Smart- https://fanlink.to/super-stealthy

Subletters Web Series- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8thUX5mMxs&list=PLkIBrHhVVf_Zt1dHdBapMybotPOyXRj1Y

ComeHereFloyd- http://comeherefloyd.com/category/podcasts/thesongtopsyreport/

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Ep 56: "Mothers Be Aware" With Special Guest Ian Brodsky

Tue, 31 Jul 2018 15:54:06 GMT

Special guest Ian Brodsky joins this week's episode to help us break down the original hit song from the Austrian Dance Dance Revolution knock-off video game "Dance! It's Your Stage." Is this pop song simply about warning mothers that their daughters are secret harlots on the weekends? Or, as we uncover, is it something far more insidious, like anti-union propaganda???

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Ep 55: "Deepest Bluest" by LL Cool J (From "Deep Blue Sea")

Mon, 23 Jul 2018 12:00:42 GMT

Happy shark week! And what better way to celebrate than by diving (pun definitely intended) into the best rap song about genetically modified mutant sharks ever written? We discuss the never-even-charted hit single by LL Cool J and along the way Mike develops his theory of Shark Jesus and Nick and Steve break down the logistics of underwater ghost cavemen.

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Ep 54: "Freaxxx" by Brokencyde

Mon, 16 Jul 2018 04:25:42 GMT

The Vans Warped Tour is dying this very summer, and perennial groups like Brokencyde have its blood on their hands. We dive into the incel anthem by Crunkologists Se7en and Mikl, and along the way Mike provides lessons on dancefloor etiquette and Nick reaches a critical breaking point- as in me, *I* reach a critical breaking point.

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Ep 53: "The King That Never Was" aka Lawyer Metal

Mon, 09 Jul 2018 04:48:38 GMT

It's amazing what a metal band consisting of lawyers can do with a $60 pocket camera and a rudimentary knowledge of Arthurian mythology. We dive into the voted-worst-of-2011 viral metal hit "The King That Never Was" by Alternate Reality, and along the way Steve reveals some of his upcoming wedding plans and Mike learns about the horrors of fish with feet.

Check out our web series SUBLETTERS!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8thUX5mMxs

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Ep 52: U.S-Funded Immigrant Propaganda Music

Mon, 25 Jun 2018 07:00:00 GMT

As if the topic of immigration isn’t awful and infuriating enough as it is; are you even surprised to hear that the US government paid an ad agency to write propaganda music that was released in Central America to dissuade immigrants from illegally entering the US? And that this same ad agency also created KEGASUS, the half-man half-horse party manimal? We dissect the popular propaganda hit “La Bestia” about a hell-train, which sadly enough is also probably the best written song we’ve covered so far.

Where you can donate to help migrant families at the border:

RACIES: https://www.raicestexas.org/

Texas Civil Rights Project: https://texascivilrightsproject.org/

And once you’ve done those infinitely more important things please rate and review us on Apple Podcasts!

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Minisode: But There's Nothing Mini About These ANNOUNCEMENTS!

Mon, 18 Jun 2018 15:46:38 GMT

We've got some exciting news for you guys!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zJWU2XvX0Y

https://www.facebook.com/dapperdevilproductions/

https://twitter.com/DapperDevilProd

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Ep 51: “Hi Bich” by Bhad Bhabie, aka the “Cash Me Outside” Girl

Tue, 12 Jun 2018 06:00:00 GMT

Nothing says “promising start to a music career” like appearing on a Dr. Phil segment that was *actually* titled “I Want To Give Up My Car-Stealing, Knife-Wielding, Twerking 13-Year-Old Daughter Who Tried To Frame Me For A Crime.” We dive into the meme-turned-rap-star and along the way question the slow decay of society; although Mike still thinks she’s fire.

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Ep 50: The Hamilton Porn Parody Musical, “Hamiltoe”

Mon, 04 Jun 2018 07:00:00 GMT

They made a porn parody. Of Hamilton. And they wrote original songs for it. We discuss them on today’s historical episode of The Songtopsy Report, so open up a private window and buckle up, you’re not going to want to throw away your shot on this one.

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Ep 49: “Take Me Out to the Ball Game”

Mon, 28 May 2018 07:00:00 GMT

You know the song, but do you know THE STORY? On today’s episode we dissect the history of this American classic, from its Tin-Pan Alley origins to its forgotten lyrics about the plight of baseball-mad Katie Casey. Also it may or may not have been played for the first time in a brothel, but who’s keeping track?

Listen in and be sure to check us out at our new home on http://comeherefloyd.com/

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Ep 48: Top WTF Movie Themes

Mon, 21 May 2018 07:00:00 GMT

Steve take us to a day at the movies in this week’s episode as we break down the top movie themes that should NOT have been attached to the movies that they were. Whether it’s melodramatic lyrics, the wrong band performing the song, or simply the inclusion of Vanilla Ice, these 3 movie themes just stuck out like sore thumbs on otherwise great cinema.

Listen in and be sure to check us out at our new home on http://comeherefloyd.com/

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Ep 47: Listener Submitted Bad Songs, Part 2!

Mon, 14 May 2018 07:00:00 GMT

It’s round 2 of the songs you beautiful listeners have sent our way! From hearing the problems that ‘Hot Girls’ face on a daily basis, to Swedish dance-hall hits, to a song that will make you NEVER want to eat macaroni EVER AGAIN, we cover all of the bases in this week’s episode. Also Steve gets officially broken in this week’s episode, so if you never hear from him again you’ll know what happened.

Listen in and be sure to check us out at our new home on http://comeherefloyd.com/

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Ep 46: “Ye vs. the People” and "Lift Yourself” by Kanye West

Mon, 07 May 2018 07:00:00 GMT

We need to talk about Kanye. The notorious rapper/mogul has been on a Dragon-Energy fueled bender for the past 3 weeks and, during this time, dropped 2 new songs that we break down in this week's episode. Is Kanye simply exercising his right to be a freethinker and challenge previously held orthodoxies? Or is he a delusional, narcissistic egomaniac writing songs about poop? Listen in and be sure to check us out at our new home on http://comeherefloyd.com/

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Ep 45: “Summer Girls” by LFO

Mon, 30 Apr 2018 06:11:25 GMT

BIG news right at the top of this week’s episode, listen in to hear all the tantalizing details! Then stick around to hear us dive into the lyrically very confused song by summer girl watchers LFO. Along the way Nick provides some history-related alternative lyrics, Mike discovers some shocking subtext, and Steven concludes the vocalist might have Apophenia; don’t know what that is? Listen to find out, and then check out our new home for our website at http://comeherefloyd.com/

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Ep 44: “Rattlesnake” by King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard

Mon, 23 Apr 2018 07:00:00 GMT

We hope you love microtones and the word “rattlesnake,” because you will be hearing nothing but those two things in this week’s episode. We dissect the stupefyingly prolific psychedelic rock band's hit song all about…rattlesnakes, and along the way dive into a little music theory lesson and discover why King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard are actually the most supportive band members in the world.

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Minisode- The Bloopertopsy Report

Mon, 16 Apr 2018 06:00:00 GMT

Minisode this week! Listen in to hear some blooper content from a recent episode and hear Nick explain why we're so damn busy this month- exciting stuff!

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Ep 43: “Bawitdaba” by Kid Rock, or "Motown, You Jackass!"

Mon, 09 Apr 2018 07:00:00 GMT

Almost-Senator Kid Rock released THE anthem for all the midnight glancers and chicks with beepers back in 1998, but little did we know at the time that the lyrics were actually just policy platforms for a politically-minded maverick! We dive into Kid Rock’s alarming past and even more alarming present, and along the way Steve gets an education on mosh pit etiquette and Mike explains why he loves the USA.

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4/1 Special- The Lost 1934 Original Songtopsy Episode

Sun, 01 Apr 2018 08:00:00 GMT

Happy April Fools Easter Day! On this day, by sheer coincidence, we present the rare, recently unearthed original 1934 episode of the Songtopsy Report Variety Show that inspired our podcast! Hear as Slick, Ace, and Jack Benny discuss the hits of the day, play commercials for miracle tonics like “Just Arsenic,” and even play a shockingly prophetic fireside chat from President Roosevelt.

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https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-songtopsy-report-the-worst-music-dissected/id1247160090?mt=2

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Ep 42: Coq Roq, The Burger King Metal Band

Mon, 26 Mar 2018 04:27:47 GMT

In 2005 Burger King would do anything, including forming a fake Slipknot-knockoff band made up of Canadian felons, to sell you on their new chicken fries. We dive into the one band more artificially manufactured than the fast food they were trying to sell and along the way unearth their “band bio,” and come up with all of the other potential fast food band rivalries that sadly never came to pass.

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Ep 41: “GUMMO” by 6ix9ine

Mon, 19 Mar 2018 04:08:04 GMT

Brooklyn rapper/magical unicorn/murderous clown 6ix9ine is one of the hottest new rappers around, and his hit song GUMMO will definitely have you saying “I certainly don’t understand why that’s the case.” We dive into his questionable lyrics, his criminal past, and his Slovakian (seriously) Youtube channel, and later on we perform our cleaned-up version of the song that’s all about ninjas!

(CORRECTION- We realize we say “Tripple Redd” when the name is in fact “Trippie Redd;” that being said our wordplay was hilarious and we stand by it)

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Ep 40: “Good Time” by Paris Hilton ft. Lil Wayne

Mon, 12 Mar 2018 15:23:14 GMT

Famous-for-being-famous celebrity Paris Hilton has been releasing music since 2006, and one her more recent singles, “Good Time,” is exactly as good as you would expect a song of that title by Paris Hilton to be. Along the way we discuss her connection to the president, Steve rages against everything Paris stands (or lounges) for, and Mike reveals some interesting footage of himself that exits.

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Ep 39: "Jump In My Car" by David Hasselhoff

Mon, 05 Mar 2018 06:12:20 GMT

Baywatch star and German folk hero David Hasselhoff has also had a thriving music career, but is his hit song about propositioning 3 young women to get into his car a little out of touch with the current social climate? Along the way we discuss how this song has a connection with ending the Cold War, and later on we perform a little audio drama using only the song lyrics to see how they could *possibly* be seen as less "upbeat" and more "horrifying."

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Ep 38: “Bring It Back” by Lil Yachty

Mon, 26 Feb 2018 05:08:25 GMT

Lil Yachty (the rapper, not the Fisher Price toy boat for rich children) has his auto-tuned voice all over music today, but how does the first single from his debut album hold up? Does he in fact “bring it back?” What is “it?” And does Steve actually ENJOY this song??? Also stay tuned through the end for our 100% spot-on cover of this very song!

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Ep 37: "Be A Man" by Macho Man Randy Savage

Mon, 19 Feb 2018 05:02:43 GMT

Legendary, constantly-ready-to-literally-explode wrestler Randy Savage made the logical career move when he was 50 to make a rap album that predominantly disses his main rival Hulk Hogan. Does the title track land that critical finisher? Does Steve run out of wrestling trivia facts? Does Mike's theory on a future of wrestling/sex robots pan out? Tune in to find out!

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Ep 36: Listener Submitted Bad Songs!

Mon, 12 Feb 2018 06:42:36 GMT

We place the proverbial gun in YOUR hand this episode as we endure 3 songs submitted by listeners of the show! From autotuned sports anthems (that may or may not also be Chaos Magic Rituals), to that ONE Crash Test Dummies song, to a spoken-word track about the worst family in existence, you guys clearly know what the deal is.

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Minisode- Justin Timberlake Superbowl Show, ft. Prince Hologram and Selfie Kid

Mon, 05 Feb 2018 04:53:33 GMT

It's a minisode this week as Nick discusses the Superbowl Halftime show featuring Justin Timberlake flaunting his not-quite hologram of Prince. Also a moment of silence for that selfie kid who is destined for meme-ification for at least one internet news cycle.

Apero Hour Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

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Ep 35: “Graduation (Friends Forever)” by Vitamin C, aka “Weaponized Nostalgia”

Mon, 29 Jan 2018 05:38:25 GMT

You’ve heard this song, and you definitely remember the photo slideshow of your middle-school classmates that was playing in the school auditorium while you heard it. We dissect this always-popular-in-May classic and along the way reveal Vitamin C’s current day job at Nickelodeon (definitely not at the Green Slime Dept.) as well as our own perspectives on the dangers of that potent drug…nostalgia!

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Ep 34: "Gucci Gang" by Lil Pump, or "ESKETIT!!!"

Mon, 22 Jan 2018 10:24:55 GMT

Reprehensible child/rapper Lil Pump is a new star who's currently hotter than a dumpster fire, and we look into his hit song "Gucci Gang" to attempt to figure out why. Along the way we sift through Instagram videos of him behaving like an absolute monster, dissect his soulful lyrics that include gems of poetry such as "Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang," and Mike gets so angry he nearly flips the table.

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Ep 33: “Achy Breaky Heart” and “Achy Breaky 2” by Billy Ray Cyrus

Mon, 15 Jan 2018 06:00:00 GMT

Current Miley Cyrus father and former relevant country musician Billy Ray Cyrus released 2 songs that could be seen as the saddest metaphorical bookmarks to a music career ever. We look into the origins of the original country hit, and then look into the unholy hick-hop follow-up that BRC chose to release onto an unsuspecting public in 2014.

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Ep 32: The Worst James Bond Theme Songs

Mon, 08 Jan 2018 05:22:00 GMT

Prepare to be left shaken…AND stirred as we go through the worst theme songs from the legendary film serious about a mass murdering, one-liner-dropping, almost definitely sociopathic M16 agent. Stay tuned through the end as we (just like we suspect the writers did) create Bond action scenes by starting with an idiom and then working backwards.

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Ep 31: “Romping Shop” by Vybz Kartel, or “There's No Problems Mon, Only Situations”

Mon, 01 Jan 2018 09:00:00 GMT

We figured there’s no better way to ring in 2018 than by dissecting the aggressive-sex-crazed lyrics to a hit Dancehall Reggae song performed by a musician currently serving a life sentence for murder! Along the way we also discuss some of Vybz Kartel’s other businesses he had and we unearth some other crazy, definitely-real commercials he recorded for them.

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Ep 30: “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” by Band Aid, Featuring a Dramatic Reading of Scary German Christmas Poetry

Mon, 25 Dec 2017 08:00:00 GMT

Merry Christmas everyone! But not too merry, because then Bob Geldof will find you and make you feel guilty. We discuss the condescending-to-Africa charity mega-hit and subsequent 1985 Live Aid concert, and along the way we discuss how a lot of the money raised *might* have actually just gone to warlords, and we end our Christmas season with a very special guest from a German cultural ambassador to the US.

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Oppressive Gloom Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

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Ep 29: The Most Insane Christmas Song Ever Written ("An Old Fashioned Christmas (Daddy’s Home)")

Mon, 18 Dec 2017 07:08:41 GMT

Nothing says “Merry Christmas” like a song that describes a bus full of people dying...in real-time! We dive into this little-known Linda Bennett nightmare of a song, and after trying decipher what exactly the songwriters could possibly have been thinking, we perform a live version of Part 2 of this sordid song.

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Ep 28: That Star Wars Christmas Album with Bon Jovi (“Christmas in the Stars”)

Mon, 11 Dec 2017 05:56:37 GMT

If this thing is canon then it raises some SERIOUS concerns. We take a look at the little-known OFFICIAL Star Wars Christmas album that came out right after the first film when nobody knew yet what the hell Star Wars really was. Along the way, as the songs posit the notion that C-3PO knows what cookies and the Japanese are, Steve slowly loses his mind.

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Ep 27: “Christmas in the Sand” by Colbie Caillat, featuring Erotic Santa Fiction

Mon, 04 Dec 2017 05:05:26 GMT

Is this song naughty, and about acclaimed singer-songwriter Colbie Caillat’s unrealized desire for Santa? Or is it nice, and Mike Russell is just reading way too deeply into a festive Christmas jingle? We celebrate Christmas in sand on this week’s episode, and later in the episode we do a dramatic reading of the definitely-real erotic Santa story “Christmas Came Prematurely.”

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Wish Background Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

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Ep 26: “The Christmas Shoes” by Newsong, a.k.a God is a Psychopath

Mon, 27 Nov 2017 05:18:04 GMT

One of the most disturbing and infuriating Christmas songs of all time (at least according to Nick), “Christmas Shoes” and the nefarious story it tells gets a deep analysis on this episode. Along the way Mike attempts to defend its more alarming insinuations, and Steve has an epiphany on the manipulative nature of children.

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Ep 25: “Black Metal ist Krieg” by Nargaroth, aka “The 4 Words to Every Woman’s Heart”

Mon, 20 Nov 2017 05:26:56 GMT

Black Metal solo musician Nargaroth has one VERY important thing that he wants to make sure you understand, and he wrote a whole song about it just to make sure you do. We go trve cvlt and look into the history of Norwegian Black Metal and, far more importantly, what Nargaroth’s day to day life is like as a wingman for his buddy Craig, not to be confused with ‘krieg.’

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Gymnopedie No. 1 Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

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Ep 24: Saturday Morning TV Themes- Big Bad Beetleborgs, Toxic Crusaders, and Sonic Underground (the Cartoon Cavalcade!)

Mon, 13 Nov 2017 05:26:57 GMT

We bask in the nostalgia of 3 classic Saturday morning TV themes in this week’s episode, and by “classic” we mean “where they just literally described the plot of the show you were about to see.” Along the way we question the wisdom behind elements of these shows, but above all WHO thought it would be a good idea to make a kid’s cartoon out of a TROMA movie???

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Ep 23: “Get Lit” by Will Smith; midlife crisis or SCIENTOLOGY PROPAGANDA???

Mon, 06 Nov 2017 02:27:15 GMT

We do an EMERGENCY episode in response to the first new Will Smith song in over 12 years! Did you like Will Smith’s charismatic, well-delivered storytelling raps from the past? Well TOO BAD, the kids like EDM now so that’s what he’s doing. Nick breaks down the out-of-touch-dad-ness present in the lyrics while Mike uncovers a dark, dark hidden meaning to the song.

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Ep 22: “Anything Can Happen on Halloween” by Tim Curry, aka “it's not really the CRAZIEST night ever until someone whips out a tambourine"

Mon, 30 Oct 2017 06:13:48 GMT

ANYTHING can happen when you have Dr. Frank-N-Furter as a ‘Grand Wizard’ perform a lyrically insane song in front of a green screen that has been animated by a special-effects man apparently on mushrooms. We try to decipher this random array of words from the made-for-tv film “The Worst Witch” and along the way attempt, with all our might, to figure out WHERE Tim Curry left his tambourine.

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Ep 21: “A Nightmare on My Street” by Will Smith, or that time Will Smith got sued for rapping about Freddy Krueger

Mon, 23 Oct 2017 05:08:34 GMT

Only in the great year of 1988 could the title of this episode have been possible. We experience the nightmare that is this early Fresh Prince/DJ Jazzy Jeff song and along the way Nick reveals a theory about Wes Craven’s New Nightmare, Steve explains why all horror movies eventually become comedies, and Mike uncovers a never-before-heard Freddy Krueger rap song.

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Ep 20: “Monster Rap” by Bobby Boris Pickett, or the Monster Mash guy gave you a voice, now RAP FOR DADDY!

Mon, 16 Oct 2017 08:00:00 GMT

The man behind the Monster Mash wrote a rap song in the 80’s that involved reprimanding Igor for wasting time at DJ school- what more do you need to know? We ‘shock the body’ of Monster Rap and along the way Nick reveals the SHOCKING origin of the Monster Mash, Mike reveals the SHOCKING origin of May Day, and Steve reveals the SHOCKING origin of rap.

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Ep 19: “Flatline” by B.o.B, the anti-Neil DeGrasse Tyson diss track from a Flat Earther

Mon, 09 Oct 2017 09:00:00 GMT

THE EARTH IS FLAT PEOPLE, and that guy who did that song about airplanes in the night sky a couple of years ago is here to prove it! We break down the insanity that is “Flatline,” and along the way Nick reveals some of the *actual* beliefs of the Flat Earth Society, Mike decodes Neil DeGrasse Tyson from a crazy person’s perspective, and Steve disappears early and is quickly replaced by conspiracy theorist “Doctor” Carl Stuben.

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Ep 18: “Surrounded by Silence” by Design the Skyline, or “This song is weaponized sound”

Tue, 26 Sep 2017 00:00:00 GMT

‘The “Friday by Rebecca Black” of “Experimental Grindcore”’ is how some survivors of this song have described “Surrounded by Silence,” but our ears were bleeding too much to tell either way. On this episode Steven channels in inner Frankie Valli, Mike acts out the most aggressive Boy Scout hiking trip ever, and Nick challenges Mike and Steve to a game of “Music or Garbage Disposal.”

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Ep 17: “Mr. Tambourine Man” by William Shatner, or “The only way to win sometimes is to go full-crazy”

Tue, 19 Sep 2017 00:00:00 GMT

We explore the final frontier of William Shatner’s credibility as a performer as we dissect his ill-fated crazy-person cover of a Bob Dylan classic. Along the way Mike introduces us to his imaginary friend Ralph, Nick unearths some classic Shatner clips, and Steven boldly goes where no man has gone before.

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Ep 16: “Rasputin” by Boney M, or “The 2Pac of Russia”

Mon, 11 Sep 2017 22:44:15 GMT

We dive into the best disco song about a controversial Russian historical figure performed by a Caribbean vocal group assembled by a German songwriter and performed in English EVER made. Along the way Mike breaks down the dangers of cruise ship soap, Nick demonstrates how ‘breathtaking’ his ignorance is, and Steven works on his accents.

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Ep 15: “Look What You Made Me Do” by Taylor Swift, or “First it was Martin Luther’s 95 Theses, then it was Kim Kardashian’s 22 Snaps”

Tue, 05 Sep 2017 01:58:26 GMT

Taylor Swift released a new single, and the world had no choice but to listen to it. But is it as bad as the critics have made it out to be? Taylor Swift makes us do a thorough dissection, and along the way Steve expresses concern over Taylor's diamond bath, Mike wonders if he'd murder his clone babies, and Nick reads a touching eulogy.

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Ep 14: “Smell Yo D**k” by Riskay feat. Aviance and Real, aka "Hentar Nektarkring, the Evil Intergalactic Space Lord"

Tue, 29 Aug 2017 02:44:36 GMT

Think your man is sleeping around behind your back, but not 100% sure? Riskay has a patented solution. We sniff out the truth behind the viral hip-hop hit “Smell Yo D**k,” and along the way we pitch some taglines for the best cop show that will unfortunately never exist.

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Ep 13: "Friday" by Rebecca Black, or "Rebecca Black is the General Petraeus of music"

Tue, 22 Aug 2017 03:22:18 GMT

A song that needs no introduction, we take a look at the ERA-defining viral hit "Friday" by Rebecca Black. Nick pulls back the veil on the true culprits behind this song, Steven gets trapped behind a shield of stupid, and Mike explains why he should never drive Rebecca Black anywhere.

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Ep 12: Big Lurch, the cannibal rapper (“I Did it to You!”)

Mon, 14 Aug 2017 10:00:00 GMT

We go true-crime in this episode on Big Lurch, the Texas rapper currently serving 2 life sentences for murdering and eating a woman (...or was he framed?). Nick plays the Big Lurch song that was used against him in court, Mike discusses that one time he blacked out and woke up in an mental institution, and Steven describes how very badly he doesn't want to be doing this episode.

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