Tophole!

The Secret Life of Mlle Lachenais

Tue, 10 Mar 2026 01:00:00 GMT

In honour of our Winter Olympic medals in skeleton, a look at the Chalet School book which mentions the sport - one which Mlle Lachenais has done many times. I know, right? We're looking at Trials for the Chalet School.

Transcript available at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2026/03/10/s3e12-the-secret-life-of-mlle-lachenais/

You can find Tophole on Facebook, or email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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Something to keep your hands occupied

Tue, 24 Feb 2026 01:00:00 GMT

It's a Wendy week and we're talking about handcrafts at the Chalet School. And also through history. And in the real world. And in our own lives. Context, that's it - we're providing context, we're not just rambling. Glad we've cleared that up.

Transcript available at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2026/02/24/s3e11-something-to-keep-your-hands-occupied/

You can find Tophole on Facebook or email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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I didn't think!

Tue, 10 Feb 2026 16:21:05 GMT

Which is it to be - a sun-soaked, punch-fuelled trip to Jamaica, or a chilly school term on an island off the coast of Wales? Well, there's really only one answer to that...

Transcript available at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2026/02/10/s3e10-i-didnt-think/

You can find Tophole on Facebook or email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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Who gave you leave to call me Matey?

Tue, 27 Jan 2026 01:00:00 GMT

It's a Wendy week! And we're talking about the Chalet School's matrons - at some length, because we're easily distracted.

Transcript available at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2026/01/27/s3e9-who-gave-you-leave-to-call-me-matey/

You can find Tophole on Facebook or email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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Victorian poets and no gym apparatus

Tue, 13 Jan 2026 01:00:00 GMT

We're starting 2026 with an EBD book that finishes on Christmas Day because we have been Rather Unwell and so we are Running A Bit Late. In this episode I'm talking about a Chalet connector, and one of EBD's best books to boot.

Transcript available at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2026/01/13/s3e8-victorian-poets-and-no-gym-apparatus/

You can find Tophole on Facebook or email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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Pageants and carols

Sat, 20 Dec 2025 14:29:30 GMT

We're somewhat late with this episode (sorry), but we're here now and focussing on fun seasonal stuff! Which is your favourite - The Bells of Christmas, or Strangers at the Inn? I totally want to rush out and create a steaming boar's head prop now.

Transcript available at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2025/12/17/s2e7-pageants-and-carols/

You can find Tophole on Facebook or email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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The Leader of the Gang

Tue, 02 Dec 2025 01:00:00 GMT

Back to Switzerland this week, as we take a look at the 34th Chalet School book, Mary-Lou of the Chalet School.

Transcript available at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2025/12/02/s3e6-the-leader-of-the-gang/

You can find Tophole on Facebook or email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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Brown tunics and orange ties (2)

Tue, 18 Nov 2025 01:00:00 GMT

In which Hayley, Wendy and I conclude our discussion about which is better, Malory Towers or the Chalet School, and then I mop up the bits we didn't discuss and the things we got wrong!

Transcript at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2025/11/18/s3e5-brown-tunics-and-orange-ties-2/

We'd love to hear from you! You can find Tophole on Facebook, or email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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Brown tunics and orange ties (1)

Tue, 04 Nov 2025 01:00:00 GMT

They wear the same uniform, so what's the difference between the Chalet School and Malory Towers? Well...

Episode transcript at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2025/11/04/s3e4-brown-tunics-and-orange-ties-1/

You can find Tophole on Facebook or email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com

Part 2 in a fortnight!

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Back to the very beginning

Tue, 21 Oct 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Loads of spoilers in this consideration of EBD's first book, Gerry Goes to School, without which there would be no Chalet School... what an awful thought.

Transcript available at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2025/10/21/s3e3-back-to-the-very-beginning/

You can find Tophole on Facebook or email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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Shall we make the uniform more artistic?

Tue, 07 Oct 2025 00:00:00 GMT

In October 1925, a new school story arrived in bookshops: The School at the Chalet, by Elinor M Brent-Dyer. 100 years and 58 books later, here we are still talking about what she had created. Wendy and Hayley join in the conversation - as do several listeners, who shared what the Chalet School means to them.

Transcript available at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2025/10/07/s3e2-shall-we-make-the-uniform-more-artistic/

You can find Tophole on Facebook or email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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Marie loses her temper

Tue, 23 Sep 2025 00:00:00 GMT

New school year, new series - and we're starting with a cracker. Stand by for an explosive - and surprisingly musical - episode!

The usual provisos apply with respect to pronunciation, spoilers and bonkersness. In particular, I use a very English pronunciation of the name 'Thekla' all through this episode - sorry not sorry. Transcript available at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2025/09/23/s3e1-marie-loses-her-temper/

I've created a Spotify playlist of (almost all) the music referenced in the book - it's called Exploits of the Chalet Girls. There are a couple of tunes missing and you'll need to go to YouTube for Ivor Novello's A Page's Road Song.

There's still time to send us your thoughts on why the Chalet School is important to you - you can find Tophole on Facebook or email us at Topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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Aunties

Tue, 22 Jul 2025 00:00:00 GMT

It's a Wendy week - woo! - and we're having a discussion about aunties at the Chalet School.

Transcript available at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2025/07/22/s2e23-aunties/

This is the last episode of season 2 - we'll be back towards the end of September. In the meantime, please do get in touch to let us know what the Chalet School means to you. You can find Tophole on Facebook or email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com. If you're happy for your voice to be included in our 100 Years of the Chalet School celebration episode in the autumn, please send a voice note.

Have a lovely summer!

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If only I knew what to do with you girls!

Tue, 08 Jul 2025 00:00:00 GMT

It's the summer term, which means reviewing a summer term book, and it can only be The School at the Chalet in this, its centenary year. 'Dreary' and 'drivel', or a modern classic?

Transcript available at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2025/07/08/s2e22-if-only-i-knew-what-to-do-with-you-girls/

You can find Tophole on Facebook or contact us at topholepodcast@gmail.com. Please do contact us, because I'd like to make a special episode next term about what the Chalet School means to modern readers (that's you!). If you're happy to have your voice included in the podcast, please send a voicenote, but written words are fine. Thank you!

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A holiday in the Austrian Tirol

Tue, 24 Jun 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Kit and I went on holiday to the Austrian Tirol in May 2025. I didn't manage an audio diary, but here's my account - with a Chalet School slant on everything we saw, of course!

If you listen to the very end, you'll hear the full recording I made from our hotel balcony: the church bells of Zell am Ziller again, and then some birdsong, and then the railway crossing bell, and eventually a train.

Transcript and also photos at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2025/06/24/s2e21-a-holiday-in-the-austrian-tirol/

You can find Tophole on Facebook, or email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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The school run (2)

Tue, 10 Jun 2025 01:00:00 GMT

Hayley's back! And this time we're talking about travelling within the UK to the Chalet School in Armishire and South Wales.

Transcript available at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2025/06/10/s2e20-the-school-run-2/

You can find Tophole on Facebook, or you can email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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The school run (1)

Tue, 10 Jun 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Special guest Hayley joins me on this episode, as we discuss the trains the Chalet girls took to get to and from school on the continent.

Transcript available at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2025/06/10/s2e19-the-school-run-1/

You can find Tophole on Facebook or email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com

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High heels and a hand grenade

Tue, 13 May 2025 00:00:00 GMT

A non-Chalet EBD book this week, although it includes a Chalet character (not that you'd recognise her) and reference to a Swiss sanatorium.

Transcript available at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2025/05/13/s2e18-high-heels-and-a-hand-grenade/

You can contact Tophole via Facebook or at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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Bonkers

Tue, 29 Apr 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Wendy and I discuss some of the top bonkers moments and situations in the Chalet School Series. There are plenty to choose from, so if your particular favourite isn't here, please do get in touch. You can find Tophole on Facebook, or email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

Transcript available at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2025/04/29/s2e17-bonkers/

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I need nine frocks

Tue, 15 Apr 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Back in wartime Armishire for a review of Lavender Laughs at the Chalet School.

Transcript available at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2025/04/15/s2e16-i-need-nine-frocks/

You can contact Tophole via Facebook or at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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Our highest total ever!

Tue, 01 Apr 2025 00:00:00 GMT

It's that time of year when we finish varnishing our scrapbooks and stuffing our toy animals, and encourage our friends and family to get out their purses and spend, spend, spend at THE SALE! Are we organising the stalls by forms, groups, or houses? Do we need a Sale Committee or shall we skip it for this year? Readers participate in 13 sales of work at the Chalet School - here's a recap of each one.

Transcript available at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2025/04/01/s2e15-our-highest-total-ever/

You can contact Tophole via Facebook or at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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A Romance for Older Girls

Tue, 18 Mar 2025 01:00:00 GMT

Let's spend a year or so in Guernsey, catching up with friends. Or, if you've never read any of the La Rochelle books, let's get hugely confused by dozens of characters. Either way, settle down for an authentic portrait of the first year of married life.

Transcript available at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2025/03/18/s2e14-a-romance-for-older-girls/

You can find Tophole on Facebook or contact us at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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Paperback writer (2)

Tue, 04 Mar 2025 01:00:00 GMT

Second half of our discussion of Armada paperbacks - second style covers from 1972 to 1985.

You can see most (although not all) of the covers we discuss at https://uk.pinterest.com/deborahlofas/chalet-school/2nd-style-pb/

Transcript available at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2025/03/04/s2e13-paperback-writer-2/

You can find Tophole on Facebook or email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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Paperback writer (1)

Tue, 18 Feb 2025 01:00:00 GMT

It's a Wendy week (woo-hoo!) and we're discussing Armada books, and particularly their covers. You can see most of these on the boards at https://uk.pinterest.com/deborahlofas/chalet-school/. Obviously this took us hours so part 2 of our conversation will come next time.

Transcript available at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2025/02/18/s2e12-paperback-writer-1/

You can find Tophole on Facebook or email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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This one started with Antonia Forest

Tue, 04 Feb 2025 01:00:00 GMT

Delayed for technical reasons (for which apologies) - in this episode I consider Prunella Davidson's arrival at the School, and refrain from wondering what exactly 'It' is. I also don't talk much about the arrival of Bruno because we covered that last time.

Transcript available at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2025/02/04/s2-e11-this-one-started-with-antonia-forest/

You can find Tophole on Facebook or email us at at Topholepodcast@gmail.com - I do get round to reading the emails eventually...

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Woof, I quite agree, barked Rufus

Mon, 13 Jan 2025 01:00:00 GMT

The long-promised episode where Wendy and I discuss dogs in EBD's books, and what we learn about training and caring for them. We talk about Rufus and Bruno in the Chalet School books, as well as They Both Liked Dogs, The Lost Staircase, and Kennelmaid Nan - and there are, of course, spoilers, but it is absolutely still worth reading Kennelmaid Nan for yourself if you get the chance.

Where I refer to 23 November 'this year', actually I mean 2024!

You can find Tophole on Facebook or email us at Topholepodcast@gmail.com.

Transcript available at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2025/01/14/s2e10-woof-i-quite-agree-barked-rufus/

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A magazine, Christmas, and a bath

Tue, 31 Dec 2024 01:00:31 GMT

It's that time of year, so there's really only one Chalet book to talk about!

Brittany can be found here

You can find Tophole on Facebook, or email us on topholepodcast@gmail.com (and I promise I will get to the emails this week).

Episode transcript available here

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Oof!

Tue, 17 Dec 2024 14:51:09 GMT

Third time lucky for recording this particular episode, which is about backs and back problems (a) at the Chalet School (b) elsewhere in children's literature and (c) across the whole of recorded time. We are nothing if not ambitious.

Transcript available at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2024/12/17/s2e8-oof/

You can find Tophole on Facebook or email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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On my honour

Tue, 03 Dec 2024 01:00:19 GMT

An overview both of Girlguiding, and the Chalet School's experience of it.

Transcript available at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2024/12/03/s2e7-on-my-honour/

You can find Tophole on Facebook, or email us on topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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The Series Re-boot

Tue, 19 Nov 2024 01:00:26 GMT

The final book set at Plas Howell (which I keep accidentally calling Plas Gwyn, but I think Kit has managed to edit out all the incidents).

Full transcript at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2024/11/19/s2e6-the-series-re-boot/

Tophole has its own Facebook page, or you can email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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The kitten did it

Tue, 05 Nov 2024 01:00:28 GMT

Loads of spoilers in this discussion, and also the shock of a man's voice, as Kit joins us to discuss The Lost Staircase. He's made clear he won't be doing it again.

You can find Tophole on Facebook or email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2024/11/05/s2e5-the-kitten-did-it/

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Campfire's burning

Tue, 22 Oct 2024 00:00:17 GMT

We conclude our conversation about The Chalet Girls in Camp, and our own experiences of guide camp, with reference to camp fires, latrines, rest hour, and much more.

Full transcript at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2024/10/22/s1e4-campfires-burning/

Tophole has a Facebook page, and you can email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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Don't walk on the table!

Tue, 08 Oct 2024 18:15:24 GMT

It's a Wendy week, and what could be better for two former Guide leaders than a Chalet School book devoted to Guide camp? We compare our experiences to those described by EBD (who, I think it's safe to say, never tried incinerating disposable nappies at a girlguiding campsite).

You can find Tophole on Facebook, or email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com. Full episode transcript at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2024/10/08/s2e3-dont-walk-on-the-table/

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Slipping something into the coffee

Tue, 24 Sep 2024 00:00:21 GMT

I'm joined today by Caroline Crampton (Shedunnit, A Body Made of Glass) to discuss health, and health anxiety, at the Chalet School.

Transcript at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2024/09/24/s2e2-slipping-something-into-the-coffee/

You can find Tophole on Facebook, or email topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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I've as much right to the book as Moira!

Tue, 10 Sep 2024 00:00:41 GMT

A look at the start of the Chalet School's final year.

You can find Tophole on Facebook and email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

Full transcript at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2024/09/10/ive-as-much-right-to-the-book-as-moira/

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Deborah visits the Chalet School

Tue, 09 Jul 2024 00:00:26 GMT

End of term so Wendy does the interviewing in this one! Transcript at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2024/07/09/s1e23-deborah-visits-the-chalet-school/ and you can find us on Facebook or email topholepodcast@gmail.com.

Podcasts recommended for your summer break:

The Kindred Spirits Book Club

The Children's Literature Podcast

Backlisted

Shedunnit

A Body Made of Glass

Countrystride

The History Chicks

Pictures and Conversations

Book Hoots

BBC Sounds - Val McDermid on the Chalet School (2011)

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A holiday to remember

Tue, 25 Jun 2024 14:19:03 GMT

It's the centenary of the Chalet School's conception this summer, so today I'm taking a look at the holiday which inspired it all.

I made considerable use of Behind the Chalet School by Helen McClelland in preparing this week's episode - more than usual, I mean - but also went down lots of lovely rabbit holes about fashion, ski-ing, and station departure boards.

Transcript at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2024/06/25/s1e22-a-holiday-to-remember/

You can find us on Facebook or email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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The Chalet School in Yorkshire

Tue, 11 Jun 2024 00:00:31 GMT

Obviously the entire Chalet School never made it to Yorkshire. But Jo, Frieda, Simone and Marie did, and EBD wrote a book about it. Get into the holiday mood early with a look at Jo to the Rescue.

Episode transcript available at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/?p=79

Find us on Facebook or email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com

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Friends, fill-ins and fans

Tue, 28 May 2024 00:00:10 GMT

Today's episode is an interview with Clarissa Cridland, of Girls Gone By Publishers and Friends of the Chalet School.

You can find Girls Gone By (and order your copy of Millies of the Chalet School) at www.ggbp.co.uk

Friends of the Chalet School can be found at www.chaletschool.org.uk

Episode transcript at www.topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2024/05/28/s1e20-friends-fill-ins-and-fans

Find us on Facebook or email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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Unpacking - tennis - and an unsuitable novel

Tue, 14 May 2024 18:37:25 GMT

This week I'm talking about the only Chalet School book my husband attempted to engage with. Apologies for both the lateness, and the sniffs (the two are connected).

Full transcript at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2024/05/14/s1e19-unpacking-tennis-and-an-unsuitable-novel/

You can find us on Facebook or email at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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A real-life authoress

Tue, 30 Apr 2024 00:00:55 GMT

Daisy May Johnson is the author of How to be Brave, How to be True, and How to be Free - modern boarding school stories which you should definitely seek out. Daisy is also one of us, a fan of the Chalet School, so we talk about EBD's books as well as her own. The discussion doesn't quite need a content warning, but you may never think of Gottfried, Herr Anserl or Commander Christie in quite the same way again.

Transcript available at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2024/04/30/s1e18-a-real-life-authoress/

You can find us on Facebook or email us at Topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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A regular mansion

Tue, 16 Apr 2024 00:00:27 GMT

A look at the book in which the Chalet School travels to England - retitled "The Chalet School at War" by Armada.

Transcript available at topholepodcast.wordpress.com.

You can find us on Facebook, or email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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Primus inter pares (5)

Wed, 03 Apr 2024 14:00:44 GMT

Josette, Maeve, Rosamund and Len, plus some statistical analysis. A slightly longer episode which entirely makes up for the fact that it's a day late.

Transcript available at www.topholepodcast.wordpress.com.

You can find us on Facebook and email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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Primus inter pares (4)

Tue, 19 Mar 2024 01:00:19 GMT

We've finally arrived in Switzerland, so this week we're talking about Julie, Betsy, Elinor and Mary-Lou, trying to decide on their finest moment (and, in the case of Elinor, work out who she is).

Full transcript available at topholepodcast.wordpress.com. You can find us on Facebook, or email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com.

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Come to Fairyland

Tue, 05 Mar 2024 01:00:37 GMT

A short episode this week while we finish editing the last two Primus Inter Pares episodes! Back to the Tirol for Grizel's final two terms at the Chalet School.

Transcript available at topholepodcast.wordpress.com.

You can email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com or find us on Facebook.

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Primus inter pares (3)

Tue, 20 Feb 2024 01:00:03 GMT

Tophole! - the podcast about Elinor M Brent-Dyer, the Chalet School, and anything vaguely connected. More Chalet School head girls in this episode - this time we're discussing from Jesanne to Bride.

Full transcript on topholepodcast.wordpress.com.

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Primus inter pares (2)

Tue, 06 Feb 2024 01:00:10 GMT

Wendy and I discuss head-girls, their challenges and their triumphs, from Louise Redfield/Redmond to Elizabeth Arnett. Also a short side-rant about sleeping bags.

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Primus inter pares (1)

Tue, 23 Jan 2024 02:00:58 GMT

We thought we'd complete this discussion in a single episode. We were wrong. This one takes us from Gisela to Joey.

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Snowdrop and the Prince

Tue, 09 Jan 2024 20:21:05 GMT

A book crammed with events which are referenced in later books - and one of the very best stories from the Tyrol.

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The house that shall not be named

Tue, 26 Dec 2023 01:00:09 GMT

We can't pronounce it, but we know quite a bit about it, even though attempting to draw up floor plans defeated us - and not only because EBD contradicts herself almost as soon as she takes us through the front door for the first time.

Transcript available at https://topholepodcast.wordpress.com/2023/12/26/s1e9-the-house-that-shall-not-be-named/

You can email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com - please be patient as I don't often check the inbox! We also have a page on Facebook.

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That lovely cheque

Tue, 12 Dec 2023 01:00:06 GMT

How on earth did Jack and Joey afford their huge house, 11 children, and multiple wards and adoptees? Let's find out...

Transcript available at topholepodcast.wordpress.com

You can email us at topholepodcast@gmail.com

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The dear days of Folly

Tue, 28 Nov 2023 08:35:20 GMT

If you remember the fanzines of the pre-digital age, you might remember Folly, the best of them all. Today I'm talking to Folly's editor, Sue Sims.

Links mentioned in the episode

follymagazine.co.uk (you may need to go to follymagazine.co.uk/articles rather than the homepage)

sevenstories.org.uk

Episode transcript at topholepodcast.wordpress.com

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Cavalier Maid

Tue, 14 Nov 2023 20:01:34 GMT

EBD didn't just write school stories, and today we're looking at her historical novel for adults, Elizabeth the Gallant.

Apologies for the earlier audio mix-up - we've now corrected this.

Transcript available at www.topholepodcast.wordpress.com.

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Morning break

Tue, 31 Oct 2023 00:10:23 GMT

It's a Wendy week (woo!) and today we're considering the Chalet School's consumption of caffeine and nicotine. Probably best not to listen if you're doing Stoptober or have recently switched to green tea.

If you have hardback or GGBP editions of the second half of the series, you have the advantage over us, so please do let us know if we left out anything significant. But do bear in mind that this was our third attempt to record this particular episode so we rather lost track of what we had and hadn't discussed!

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A cockney accent

Mon, 16 Oct 2023 23:05:48 GMT

"Miss Dene was on the stairs and she was a cannibal" is the unfortunate summary of this term whiich we later get, but it doesn't put off Miss Ferrars. Hopefully the staff fill her in on all the other things that happen during this eventful term on St Briavels.

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When are you putting yours up?

Mon, 02 Oct 2023 23:01:00 GMT

It's a Wendy week and we're talking about hair - washing it, cutting it, styling it - at the Chalet School. Also some top beauty (and gardening) tips along the way as we relate our own hair experiences.

The YouTube video we refer to is "I tried 500 years of Haircuts" by Morgan Donner.

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It's not pointillism

Mon, 18 Sep 2023 23:01:34 GMT

Gwyn Jones is the only artist to have created a book cover for every single Chalet School book (and a few extra ones, as Armada divided some of the original hardbacks when publishing them in paperback). In this interview, she explains how she became a professional illustrator, and provides a fascinating insight into how she created the Chalet School book covers of the 1980s and 1990s - covers which played a large part in the renewed interest in the books at that time.

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School with bells on

Tue, 05 Sep 2023 08:33:49 GMT

We start with a review of Elinor M Brent-Dyer's The Chalet School and Barbara - bears, shoe lockers, and how long is prep exactly?

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The usual provisos

Mon, 28 Aug 2023 13:38:49 GMT

Enjoy the Chalet School books? This is the podcast for you! We are launching on 5 September, so here are the provisos regarding pronunciation, spoilers, and affectionate disrespect, which will apply throughout.

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