Grief Recovery, why?

Unprocessed grief is almost always due to something emotional that has not been communicated.

Therefore, communication is also key.

To heal grief after a painful loss, you therefore need to find out if and what is left unsaid in the relationship, what is it that still takes energy and makes it difficult to move on in life?

There is otherwise a risk of getting caught up in rumination or in overanalyzing the relationship and what happened, and this might continue consciously or unconsciously until the communication is completed. Here, we need to review unspoken thoughts and feelings about the relationship but a common advice we get is just let go and move on but healing grief rarely works that way. 

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Seeing a loved one break down and gradually decline quickly or over a longer period of time is enormously painful.

It can be felt both physically and mentally and be an almost paralyzing powerless experience.

Noticing small or large changes; A more tired gaze, slower movements, a mind that loses the thread can be the beginning of an end we are not ready for.

Welcome to listen!

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Grief during the summer holiday season.

Summer series; episode 5

Today´s episode is about grief during holidays and vacation, but it can also be representative for other specific times of year when you might feel extra lonely and vulnerable for individual reasons.

The summer holiday period or vacation, can be difficult since loneliness might be extra hard to handle. The summer season awakens feelings, which can be nice and positive filled with hope, but it can also be winter-hidden frozen feelings of sadness that are now melting in the heart, coming to the surface. This can mean a stressful emotional time, loaded with expectations that can be difficult to relate to, take part of and live up to.

Welcome to listen,

Catharina

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This is a podcast about grief and loss and how we can find hope. How are we and how can we move forward? 

Even if your life's greatest losses are not caused by death, this is still for you. Today I will talk about myths about grief.

I think we can all recognize: 

-Don't cry, can be perceived as; Don't show that you're sad through a reaction of crying, even though you're sad.

This is easy to say meaning well, but the interpretation is that the actual expression of the emotion is wrong.

From early age, we risk to earn that crying is weak in our society. We can hear someone who is crying being called names already in the playground.

Crying is actually a great tool when it comes to reactions to grief and processing it. When you can let your emotions out, you shouldn't have to hear that it´s wrong, when you're in grief after a painful life change.

In this episode I talk about other myths and examples of what we can say insted.

Welcome to listenand follow.

Thank You, Catharina

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It is common that we have difficulty concentrating and remembering things. We can forget what we were supposed to get in the kitchen or what we would say or do. 

It can also be difficult to make decisions and you feel confused. Sometimes we deny and find it difficult to accept what has happened. It does not feel real.

We can get caught up in dwelling, analyzing and constantly thinking about what has happened. Being busy dealing with all the things that grief awakens in us can make it difficult to focus on other things. After my mother's death, it felt like cotton in my head and I had to make a lot of effort to remember things and be able to function. Everyday life worked, but it came at a high cost of enormous fatigue both emotionally and physically.

Today´s episode is about the variety of reactions one can feel after a painful life change.

Welcome to listen!

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Time and change.

When life gets in the way, we often need to reprioritize time and think about what needs to . Maybe time just goes by without us feeling better.

When we talk about grief linked to time, we may think that we will get over the loss during or after a certain time, but it doesn't work that way. Every grief and loss are individual, thus the need for time also. It is also about what life in general looks like around us.

For my part, it's almost five years since my mother died. The physical grief that hurt my body doesn't hurt in the same painful way anymore, but that doesn't mean that my grief is less, that I've forgotten or that the love isn't as great.

 There are good days and bad days, days we have more energy and days we have less energy, which is also normal. In this episode I talk about how we can support ourselves or others considering time in painful life changes. I also share some tools that helped me when my mother died.

Welcome to listen.

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Grief recovery helped me to heal and I decided to become a certified grief coach myself,

since I also wanted to help others, which I do now; individually, in groups and proactively with seminars and through this podcast.

So, my own experience led to a strong urge to share the tools. I also believe a lot in proactivity about how we as fellow human beings can support and be there for each other when life gets in the way in different forms and of various reasons.

We often know how to get and achieve things, but rarely how to handle losing them, when someone or something no longer exists in our lives.

Welcome to listen and follow.

Catharina

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Losing yourself

I got lost between a goodbye and a why.. My colors disappeared.

I got lost and in the silence, I became someone I didn't recognize.

I didn't have the energy to look for myself right there and then,

but in memories, in meetings with others, in notebooks, I found who I used to be again,

and understood that sometimes you get lost, that it's natural. (Lanler 2024)

The value lies in continuing forward, gathering the old pieces and building a new self. Thinking kind thoughts about who I am and who I have become, striving for a place where the air can be breathed again and once again finding a meaning that carries me.

Slowly, with respect for time and the process, I find my way home again. (Lanler 2024)

Sometimes life hits us hard, maybe we have been prepared, maybe not. Our world is being shaken up in a way we did´t think would be possible. Maybe we barely recognize ourselves. We mourn who or what we have lost and in that situation we might lose contact with who we were ourselves before it all happened. This can happen slowly or fast, like stepwise getting lost or like we suddenly fall down a cliff. What we feel is grief of various kinds. It can coexist with worries about how things will be now. 

Welcome to Listen,

Catharina

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Maybe someone has told you; You can't feel like that, what you feel and think is completely wrong. Give up, stop, let go. Why are you always saying this?  You always exaggerate things.

You need security, but feel rejected when you are weak or emotional and need confirmation or when you just tell your opinion sometimes. What can this be about? It is about how we are treated when we talk about what we think, feel, think and experience. The very reception of what we say often has greater power than the content of what we say in terms of how it affects our self-esteem and our courage to dare or want to express our feelings and thoughts in the future.

You might feel that you are being told that your experience actually is not true, that it should be different. That you simply feel and experience wrong.

There are several people who tell me that the feeling of being deprived of one's own experience can cause a great loss of sense of self-worth, self-esteem, of being confirmed and count as a person and in the long run actually trust in one's own experience. It is not uncommon to start to distrust yourself and think that you may actually be wrong about what you, yourself perceive as right and true for yourself, or even worse, that you "are" wrong as a person.

Today we are going to dive a little deeper into a type of grief and loss, which might not be common to talk about as a loss or as grief, but which causes great damage, if you don´t realize what it is about and find ways to find your value again, looking beyond the negative effects of the relationship.

Welcome to listen!

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“There is always someone who has it worse, so what I am experiencing is probably not so bad. Maybe it would just be perceived as petty whining or grumbles if I would mention it or talk about it”. (Lanler, 2024)

This might be an example of how we think, diminishing our own experiences or not taking them seriously ourselves. Still our body and brain scream of pain or of need for support, help or just someone to talk to in order to sort out what we actually went through, recently or a long time ago.

Who do we compare ourselves to in order to disparage ourselves? Whatever it is, it might feel as if the norm in society is to be strong and capable to handle even very painful life changes without showing a lot of emotion or needing a lot of help. 

It's never too late to realize your own worth and that you're actually worth healing as much as everyone else. Maybe admit to yourself that some things in life have come at a very high price, probably so high that you avoided processing and healing afterwards.

This episode gives you understanding and tools to why we tend to diminish our own feelings and to why it´s so important to listen to both ourselves and others.

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At certain times I find myself thinking more intensively about how I held my mother´s hand before she passed away. Her hand was warm. The warmth affected me. The warmth was there even though she slipped away further and further from me. I can still recall it, as if it was yesterday. But she disappeared from me and the next day the hand was cold.

I clung to the feeling of warmth in order not to forget how it felt. It represented how she was as a person; warm, genuine, a lot of integrity and feelings; someone that could hold me and be there for me. But someone I could hold as well and be there for, during years of cancer and other deceases.

Sometimes memories of feeling the warmth of her hand unexpectedly come back to me strongly together with what it symbolizes, and I don´t know what makes it happen.

I am thinking that, if this kind of experience is happening to me, I am sure it does to you who listen as well. Memories of the beloved, the warm, the good, the bright that we hold on to. Or it might also be the intense, unpredictable thing that happened and suddenly brought us to a new place, the place we did not chose but, we had no choice.

Here I talk about examples of what complicated grief can look like, and give you a few thoughts about how to approach it.

Welcome to this episode of The When life gets in the way- how can we find hope again - podcast.

Please follow and share, I think we need to spread knowledge and normalisation of painful life changes and grief.

Thank you for listening!

/Catharina

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We might feel as if we're within a labyrinth of emotions, trying to navigate, but without a map or a compass.

It is ok to feel lost. Maybe you have memories coming back around Christmas, The New Year or other Holidays or maybe you are feeling lonely, without a person to share it with. 

Loneliness can become more recognizable and severe at Holidays. Sometimes you just want to go to work as usual, having ordinary routines. Routines are often supportive for us after a loss or a serious life change.  

Maybe you have lost someone dear, divorced, moved somewhere new and feeling lonely.

Maybe you have a disease or have lost a bodily function or someone else has, someone you love.

Loneliness might hurt a lot .

You are not alone out there, even if that’s how it feels. 

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Welcome to listen to this episode about loss of self esteem!

Self esteem and self confidence are basic needs in our identity and perceåtions

of ourselves. If we lose them, we can feel a deep grief, a loss of an important part of ourselves.

When someone is undermining my words, they pull away the floor I am standing on.

My feet start standing unsteadily and for each time it happens, it becomes more and

more difficult to stand straight, to remain standing. I wobble more and more and finally

I might fall and remain on the floor.

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We don’t say good-bye to dear memories. We don’t say good-bye to love. We allow ourselves to be free and move on with the feeling that we have completed the grief process and the communication.

Unprocessed grief is almost  always about something uncommunicated of emotional nature. Thus, communication is also the key. 

We need to overview unspoken thoughts, words and feelings when it comes to the relationship. It is a common piece of advice  to just let go and carry on with life even if life has just hit you.

But we are all different and sometimes we need more to heal. 

A grief process starts after every serious loss and the purpose is to process and heal wounds. With the support of The grief recovery method all types of serious life changes can be processed, things that happened recently as well as a long time ago. It is your own grief process and no one else needs to be involved or confronted. You  chose to do your own grief recovery. After a loss it is often hard to know how to process the grief you experience. It might even be that you do not realize that it actually is grief if your reaction does not depend on death. Often people in the environment do not know how to act or comfort either. 

I welcome you to listen

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Hold hands, listen, ease someone’s burden. 

All the difficult feelings of a person taking care of another one, during a very painful period of time don't show on the outside.

A person who cares also needs to be heard and cared for. This period of time is enormously challenging. It can be long or short.

I want to share the last months with my mother with you:

I went to her little place at the elderly care center every day after work. I tried to keep her hope up, talk about suitable things depending on how she felt that day.

Some days she kept up hope and was more talkative and some days were more difficult, just as a tough wait for death.

To be the one who is always there, who does what has to be done, who puts the own person in the background for others, you risk being taken for granted by others

and is sometimes left without anyone to share the experience with.

I think being the person who is there changes us and creates something we bring with us for the rest of our lives, for good or for bad but definitely

changing and it forms a part of who we turn out to be later, like a before and after version of ourselves.

So please remember; dare meet each other in difficult situations, we need to be there for each other and hold each other without judging or judging. The one supporting others also needs support.

I welcome you to listen to this new episode about being there for each other which is based on my own personal experiences when my mother died and my work as a certified grief coach.

Follow and share my podcast in order to share how important it is to talk about grief, loss and painful life changes.

Thank you so much for listening.

My warmest regards Catharina

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When we meet a grieving person, our own feelings from losses can come to the surface again, which we might believe that we cannot handle.

It might lead to us not asking, holding back and there can be a silence around grief and painful life changes. We hold back what we want to say ,

in order not to face our own grief or because of worry to say the wrong things.

This is the opposite of what a grieving person needs. 

No one should have to pretend to be alright because the environment struggles with handling the hard situation for someone.

The more we pretend the bigger the grief elephant in the room becomes. Unrealistic expectations about when pain and the grief should be ready and healed makes the process harder.

Don’t diminish your own journey and what you are going through.

You owe yourself understanding for yourself and the time you need. 

Thank you all for listening today, it makes me very grateful. I want to be a friend and a tool box in painful life changes.

Share and follow my podcast as well as my instagram account when_life_get_in_the_way.

I am always happy to get a dm from you about the subject of today or other subjects you want me to bring up in the upcoming episodes.

All the best to you!

/ Catharina

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Sometimes we want to protect others so they won’t have to consider how to support us or what to say to comfort us.

Maybe we don't want others to worry about us or make them feel uncomfortable in the situation. Sometimes we are just afraid to open up and be vulnerable.

We might feel that we get judged in our grief or in our painful life changes. 

Welcome to listen and follow.

You can contact me on my instagram account when_life_gets_in_the_way if you have thoughts about this episode or suggestions of topics for future episodes.

Catharina

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Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying

-I will try again tomorrow.

(M-A Radmacher)

I was thrown to the floor several times by the fact that the person I loved most in the world got cancer.

First time when I was a teenager and then again and again.

Not having a dad around to contact or talk to, nor having any siblings, made it feel like my situation was quite vulnerable. I was carrying my feelings alone and I felt lonely. I did have friends and good friends but how do you talk about these kinds of things? I couldn't anyway.

I hope you will find recognition and energy in listening to this episode about the process of losing someone we love. We need to support each other during these painful life changes and processes.

This pod cast has a new instagram account with the same name. I would be happy to hear from you by dm or in comments.

Welcome to listen and follow.

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A silence that seems to signal that what has happened is not important, even though it is.

We want to support, but how can we say and how do we ask?

It is difficult to know how to behave and to approach the situation both for the affected person and people in the environment. It might even happen that no one says anything to the affected person. There is a risk that grieving people don’t get the support they need; it might lack time, routine and knowledge.  

A loss is urgent, a crisis. But it is also long term, since the crisis can transfer into grief which can last for a long time, maybe forever. In grief there are different feelings such as difficulty understanding, lack of control, anger, fear, sadness, anxiety, powerlessness, longing, chaos and many more. When our feelings and thoughts don’t get confirmed or expressed there is a risk that they get stuck inside the body.

We cannot heal grief, we can not demand that from ourselves. We just need to be there and not leave, confirm and let the person talk if he or she wants to or maybe just sit together in silence. That can also be a kind of communication; just being there without words

This podcast now has an instagram account and a new web site. I hope you want to follow me there.

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It is important to be able to heal our hearts when they are broken. It is not about broken brains and that means that only theoretical comments are not helpful. I give you a few examples of those: 

• Don’t be sad, you can have more kids.
• Buy a new dog
• Don’t be sad. It will be better next time.

These kinds of comments are said in all kindness by people who mean well. It is correct intellectually, but it is often not relevant when it comes to healing the broken heart. This might create frustration and make us run away from the feelings. Maybe we think that our feelings are wrong and not normal and we might start isolating them, hiding them away in our backpacks where they will continue to take energy. We might say that we are well, smile, pretend for family and friends in order not to make them worried. 

So, What do I actually mean by grief recovery? The method means that you take control over the effect of what you have experienced, instead of letting it take control over you and your life. It means finding a new meaning, keeping the good memories, allowing yourself to be sad or other feelings you might have, talking about it regardless of how other people react, because you are in a safe place, doing grief recovery individually or in a small safe group with a certified grief coach.   

It means getting tools to meet losses and grief. We know that life doesn’t come with any guarantees, but grief recovery gives knowledge and freedom to move on and has a positive impact on the ability to find happiness again. A processed or unprocessed past might determine your future. 

I am so happy that you want to listen to this episode and follow my podcast.

The podcast now has a new website where you find all the episodes.

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I wish you welcome to listen to this episode.

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no more energy, 

my body is heavy,

my brain will not focus or cannot think. 

I want to but cannot remember things right now. I am grieving.”

(Unknown author)

After a loss we often think that we ought to get back to work, school and other places as soon as possible.

Agreements vary from workplace to workplace regarding how long you are allowed to stay home.

Often we want to be good, get back into our routines again but it can be hard to know how much we can handle.

Welcome to this episode. I hope you want to follow my podcast as well as my istagramaccount @radurasorg.griefcoach

Please share this episode to help spread knowledge about grief and loss. Thank You!

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Today I talk about how hard it can be to talk about grief and painful situations, both for the one affected but also for the ones around, trying to support. Many of the expectations about handling grief in society are so common that I think that everyone recognizes them. But what do these expressions actually signal?

-Don't be sad!

-Don't cry!

-Be strong!

-Buy a new dog!

How might different expressions affect a grieving person, and what can we say instead to support?

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There is no model for how to react, even if we sometimes would want one. Everyone's grief is unique and there are no rights or wrongs. In this episode I talk about different reactions to grief and loss and I hope that it will be helpful for you who are in a painful situation right now, as well as for you who are supporting a person in grief.

Welcome to listen.

Länk till Patreon: https://open.acast.com/public/patreon/fanSubscribe/12081053

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Always remember that grief is a natural reaction to loss. Each grief and loss is individual as well as time to heal.

In this episode I talk about grief and time from my own experiences as well as from my role as a certified grief coach.

I hope you want to listen.

.

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Moving on after grief or loss is a struggle. Life has gotten in the way for some reason.

We learn how to get things but we do not have a model or tool box for handling losses.

In this, my first episode I will introduce you to my journey, my purpose and expectations with this pod cast.

I hope you want to listen.

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