Won't You Be My Killer?

Sick, But Also Nice w/ Kevin Camia

Wed, 28 Aug 2024 07:02:01 GMT

It's a murderous day for the 23rd installment of Won't You Be My Killer! You might say it's "the Michael Jordan of episodes!" On this edition of the world's foremost fictional comedy murder podcast, your friendly neighborhood host and victim, Evan Kessler, welcomes guest Kevin Camia (Late Show with Stephen Colbert, Valley Heat, The Dress Up Gang, Larry The Musical) to flip the hypothetical executioner's switch. Before any daisies get pushed up, the duo discuss the dos and donts of posting your date on social media; which Bradley Cooper movie was deserving of all of the Oscars; and whether or not Evan had anything to do with the death of Kevin and his fiancee's dog. Sounds confrontational, doesn't it? It's actually pretty chill, but by the end, as always, our host must abide by his self-imposed, time-honored tradition of exiting this highway we call "life" with our guest's potentially blood-soaked hands on the metaphorical wheel. We all gotta go sometime, so stuff a donut in your mouth and brace for impact. It's a podcasting day to get murdered.

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The First Seduction w/ Teresa Lo

Wed, 21 Aug 2024 07:04:15 GMT

It's a murderous day for a podcasting and, on the day we recorded this episode, it was also a great day to experience the shifting of the earth's tectonic plates. In this 22nd installment of "Won't You Be My Killer" your host and friendly neighborhood victim, Evan Kessler, is joined by his friend Teresa Lo (Pause w/ Sam Jay, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Hustler Magazine) – a writer/director/comedian whose career straddles both the mainstream and adult entertainment industries. Before punching a one-way ticket to a high-fiveathon at the Pearly Gates, our hypothetical corpse and this week's would-be executioner discuss the importance of saying yes to unconventional career avenues, the potentially opposite ideologies at work in the adult and comedy worlds, and just how strong of an earthquake (4.7) they experienced. Mother nature may have wanted to get in on the lethal action, but that's always our guest's job. Thankfully, the shaking subsided and our company was allowed the opportunity to transform into a devious femme fatale. So how does it all shake out? Well, there's only one way to find out. It's a podcasting day to get murdered.

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The New Falling Down Movie w/ Robert Vertrees

Wed, 14 Aug 2024 07:04:30 GMT

It's a murderous day for a podcasting and the landmark episodes keep on coming. We've reached the 21st installment of "Won't You Be My Killer," which means this show is old enough to drink – assuming each episode is one podcast year. This week, your friendly neighborhood host and victim, Evan Kessler welcomes comic, friend, and former professional boxer with a degree in theater, "Rocky" Robert Vertrees. Before carrying out the gritty weekly task of hypothetically ending the show creator's existence, the anger furnace gets stoked as the duo discusses the audacity of people using their hazard lights, the proper level of competitiveness for a comedian softball league and the intent behind the use of certain language. Our guest also goes above and beyond by creating the pod's signature cocktail, "the Murderita Spritz." Will mixology punch our host's one-way ticket to visit the mortician – or does our guest have a more brutal conclusion in mind? There's only one way to find out and that's to give a listen. It's a podcasting day to get murdered!

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Better Knife Skills w/ Jessica Singer

Wed, 07 Aug 2024 07:01:17 GMT

It's a murderous day for a podcasting, a podcasting day for the 20th episode of Won't You Be My Killer! Joining Evan in the fictionally gruesome fun, for this landmark installment of the world's foremost hypothetical murder you-dunnit, is Jessica Singer, winner of season 26 of the Food Network's "Worst Cooks in America!" In addition to not being the least capable chef in the country, our guest is also a boisterous and joyful comedic presence on the LA standup scene. On the menu this week, aside from the obvious entree of murder, are conversational appetizers that run the gamut from simple cooking tips to Ben Stiller's 1996 directorial debut, The Cable Guy. But how will this Food Network/HBO Max star slice, dice, and julienne our host and friendly neighborhood victim into her recipe for a saucy slaying? Will they even cover what it means to julienne something? Will Cornish game hen make a surprise appearance? Well, there's only way to find out the answers to these questions and that's by listening to the pod -- IF YOU DARE!!!

Sidenote: Please dare.

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The World's Worst Time Traveler w/ Mort Burke

Wed, 31 Jul 2024 07:04:13 GMT

It's a murderous day for a podcasting and Won't You Be My Killer has really outdone itself on this 19th installment. This week''s guest slayer, Mort Burke (Spiritually Filthy, Drunk History, Mythic Quest, w/Bob and David), has a first name that means death, along with some first-hand experience as a member of the global cabal to oppress all of humanity. If you didn't know, those are the building blocks of a good podcast episode. Before Mort turns our friendly neighborhood host and victim, Evan Kessler, into a carcass canvas with arterial flourishes reminiscent of a Jackson Pollock painting, the two pals tackle some meaty topics including the psychological implications of playing a Nazi on screen, having parallel thinking to Katt Williams, and the value of saying what you mean. It's a podcasting day to get murdered, but don't worry, when it's all said and done, our host will return to a place of connected love – shining with that heavenly Patrick Swayze glow. This one's a work of art, up there with all the Picassos. Give it a listen.

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The Spectrum of Embarrassment w/ Sulaiman Beg

Wed, 24 Jul 2024 07:03:13 GMT

Welcome all you potential prime suspects! It's a murderous day for a podcasting and, today, through the miracle and sound loss of Zoom, we've got another bicoastal edition of "Won't You Be My Killer?" What a special occasion it is as your friendly neighborhood victim and host, Evan Kessler, welcomes his friend of 20-plus years, New York City improv stalwart, Sulaiman Beg (Metal Boy, Magnet Theater). Together they'll compare mortifying onstage moments, reference movies the other one hasn't seen, and discuss building a better band name - but when our guest finally becomes untethered all bets are off. And by "all bets are off," we mean he'll fulfill the premise of the podcast by putting our host in a hypothetical pine box through the miracle of imagination and improv. It's a real "Yes, and" situation. It's a podcasting day to get murdered and hopefully your ears don't get murdered by our sound issues on this one. Just accept our apology and enjoy the show!

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A Beautiful Flower of Resentment w/ Rachel Fisher

Wed, 17 Jul 2024 07:01:00 GMT

Won't You Be My Killer is back with its 17th installment and wouldn't you know it, it's another murderous day for a podcasting. This week, your friendly neighborhood victim and host, Evan Kessler, welcomes a member of his original LA crew, podcaster extraordinaire Rachel Fisher (Hollywood Crime Scene, Bitchslap) to the stabbing couch (it's like the casting couch but for murdering the host). Death is in the air, but before our host hypothetically exhales his final breath, there'll be discussion of "deep-seeded" beliefs about the phrase "deep-seated," the mystery of where the Hot Ones guy came from, and just how people make friends from a microblogging app. We've got gambling and spice and a murder plot worthy of a mid-budget thriller starring Ashley Judd. It's a podcasting day to get murdered, but you're safe as long as you listen to this latest episode.

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Hotel Ice Bath For Lady Liberty w/ Andrew Morton

Wed, 03 Jul 2024 07:01:31 GMT

It's a murderous day for a podcasting. Who YOU gonna call for all your hypothetical murder podcast needs? "Won't You Be My Killer," of course. On episode 16 of the world's most dangerous podcast, your friendly neighborhood victim and host (Evan Kessler) ventures outside the comedy community to find the next would-be executioner on this weekly you-dunnit. Andrew Morton (StabGab Podcast) joins us from Brooklyn, via the magic of laptops and internet connections, to turn his friend of 20-plus years into a bloody mess. It's not all gore from the get-go as the two old dawgs discuss the nuances of assuming friendship compatibility, the best way for a nation to utilize its illusionists – and the groundbreaking compromise that brought peace to a brief period of trivia night turmoil. OR DID IT?!?! All it takes is one festering resentment to drive one man to murder and for another man to have a target on his back, but it takes a village to truly get away with it. By the end of the episode you'll probably be asking yourself, "would Evan get along with David Copperfield?" Or maybe you'll have some completely different questions. Either way, it's a podcasting day to get murdered.

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Naked With A Chainsaw w/ Kelly McInerney

Wed, 26 Jun 2024 07:02:16 GMT

It's a murderous day for a podcasting, so, if you want to hear someone describe their plan to hypothetically do in the host of a podcast, well then you've come to the right place on the internet. Kelly McInerney (Comedy Bingo, Speakeasy Sketch, IMDweed) joins your friendly neighborhood host and victim (Evan Kessler) this week to indulge in her version of the ultimate deranged act of friendship. A huge horror movie fan herself, Kelly tells the pod about her favorite scary movie of all time, what she thinks makes for a good onscreen murder, and how she's trying to enhance her vocabulary while staving off brain rot. We've had pleasure cruises and days at the beach on previous episodes, but in this the 15th installment of "Won't You Be My Killer"," we're gonna get grisly with it, in a scene much too gruesome not to be flagged for removal by sensitive social media mods. It's a podcasting day to get murdered and you're about to be a witness.

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A Real Andy Kaufman Situation w/ Kevin Anderson

Wed, 19 Jun 2024 07:01:22 GMT

It's a murderous day for a podcasting and your friendly neighborhood host and victim, Evan Kessler, finally figures out the best way to describe the podcast. It's "the best hypothetical murder podcast around." Glad we got that out of the way. Joining Evan this week is the one of many, Kevin Anderson (Bleak in Review podcast, the Avatar 2 comedy show, Knights of the Rhyme Table), making his maiden appearance after being referenced as a "friend of the show" more than once on previous episodes. The decade-long friends discuss the whole point of existence, whether or not there's more than one guy with a Cybertruck in the San Fernando Valley, and what you should expect if any mascot comes to your front door. With all that lighthearted conversation out of the way, our guest finally gets to lay out his plans to take our host down for the dirt nap. When it's all said and done, someone or something will end up decaying like a struggling franchise and it's more than likely our host. What can we say, it's a podcasting day to get murdered, this episode and every episode on "Won't You Be My Killer?"

Stay tuned until the end of the show to find out how you can contribute a hypothetical murder plan to an upcoming episode of the show!

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For Whom They Bomb Atolls w/ Leah Mansfield

Wed, 12 Jun 2024 07:01:01 GMT

It’s a murderous day for a podcasting and, this week, we welcome Leah Mansfield to commit hypothetical murder lucky number 13. A comic, writer, and army vet with an utterly unique life experience, our guest is none too shy in discussing her competitive nature in traffic, a particularly painful and insightful experience opening for Tig Notaro, and which military rank is "the fun military rank." When all is said and done, there'll be precious little left of your friendly neighborhood victim/host. It may not be as lengthy as Oppenheimer, but this episode certainly has its fair share of bombs. It's a podcasting day to get murdered, but don't worry, you're safe.

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A Person Can Only Be Pushed So Far w/ Joe Kaye

Wed, 05 Jun 2024 07:02:17 GMT

It's a murderous day for a podcasting and wouldn't you know it, we've baked up a dozen episodes of the damn thing! This week we're joined by another dear friend in comedian, karaoke MC and reluctant Disney adult, Joe Kaye! Your friendly neighborhood victim and host, Evan Kessler, will have our guest flying into a justifiably homicidal rage eventually, but it'll simmer before it boils. A good thing too, as all that simmering gives the two friends time to converse, comparing hometown celebrities, revealing cartoon crushes and predicting the surprising thing that might drive Tom Hanks to violence. When all is said and done, someone's going to sink to the level of their Staten Island roots and carry out this podcast's weekly aim. Like we always say, it's a podcasting day for a murder!

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Cans, Plans, and Mystery Pills w/ Doug Dixon

Wed, 29 May 2024 07:01:50 GMT

This week Evan welcomes dear friend, dope slinger and WYBMK associate producer, Doug Dixon, on this murderous day for a podcasting. Before your friendly neighborhood podcaster pays the ultimate price for his disputed history of party fouls, we'll learn about the healing power of synths, just how long Tom Hanks studied acting before he started churning out Oscar®-caliber performances, and even what it's like to have Dave Grohl constantly looking over your shoulder. Plus, music! We're not just gonna give you the lowdown on who could be headlining the port-a-potty stage at Coachella 2025, but our guest drops a hot synth-laden single, in addition to an updated version of the show's theme song. Stay tuned for an episode so entertaining, it'll make you want to venmo everyone involved some "Hot Tub Money." It's a podcasting day to get murdered and wouldn't you know it, you're in the right place at the right time, which is coincidentally a vital part of any murder plan coming to fruition.

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Reverse Aquarium w/ Katie Merriam

Wed, 22 May 2024 07:01:30 GMT

"Won't You Be My Killer" reaches its milestone 10th episode and, as always, it's a murderous day for a podcasting! This week's special guest, comedian and close friend Katie Merriam, joins your friendly neighborhood victim and host (Evan Kessler) to let him know she doesn't take kindly to people who threaten her family OR terrible drivers – but what sets her off the most are joke thieves!!! While Katie's got a case of resting revenge face, that won't prevent her and Evan from enthusiastically tackling topics such as curse words that have a good mouthfeel, dating profile tigers, and what bison are doing on "Catty I." When all is said and done, we'll end up where we always end up, with a host whose timeline on this mortal coil has been drastically cut short as the result of minor transgression that even the most sincere apology won't remedy, as long as homicide is an option. It's a podcasting day to get murdered, so strap on your scuba gear and take a deep dive into another episode of the world's most dangerous podcast.

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Two Cougars At The Same Time w/ Zach Mendez

Wed, 15 May 2024 07:01:03 GMT

This week, your friendly neighborhood victim and host, Evan Kessler, welcomes his dear friend, fellow comedian, actor and spiritual lighthouse, Zach Mendez, to sharpen his hypothetical murder knives on the digital stage known as "Won't You Be My Killer?" Will our guest use them - or has he decided to sharpen his mind knives and instead concoct a devious, non-violent plan to lower our host's heart rate to zero? There's only one way to find out. Come along for the ride (or maybe it's a hike) destined to end up six feet underground, as Evan and Zach discuss their linguistic triggers, the validity of Astrology, and the healing power of cupped hands. It's time to tackle the big daddy of the West Coast and it's going to require the performance of a lifetime to do it. It's a murderous day for a podcasting AND a podcasting day to get murdered! What are the odds? That's like witnessing an eclipse and the Northern Lights within a month of each other!

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Angel of Death w/ Greg Edwards

Wed, 08 May 2024 07:01:26 GMT

On this murderous day for a podcasting, Evan invites one of the best people he knows, comedian, writer and YouTube legend Greg Edwards (MTV's RIdiculousness, Thug Notes) to tackle the gruesome task of sending our host packing for a long vacation 6 feet deep, or possibly around the world in a pile of ash, surrounded by loved ones. Before getting down to the murder business they discuss what it means to be a good person, the key to ending all war, and how a diner known for its pie could somehow not be concerned with the quality of its coffee. Speaking of travesties, that's exactly what it would be for you to not listen to this heartwarming episode of "Won't You Be My Killer?"

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Kevorkian-Style w/ Matt Champagne

Wed, 01 May 2024 07:01:01 GMT

Your friendly neighborhood victim and host, Evan Kessler, is joined by comedian, actor (Vice, Curb Your Enthusiasm, The Young and the Restless) – and quite possibly the best MC in the history of emceeing things, Matt Champagne, on this podcasting day for a murder. This week we cover all the bases, if the bases you were thinking of somehow included the best way to stop the 9/11 hijackers, who should've replaced Alex Trebek as Jeopardy host, and the education required to make a cup of instant coffee. Oh yeah, and then there's the task at hand: the murder. Will our guest have what it takes to get brutal –or will his version of completing the podcast's chief aim focus more on finesse? Will he become our host's worst enemy or his new emergency contact? The answer to these questions lie within this episode of "Won't You Be My Killer?" It's a murderous day for a podcasting!

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Manslaughter By The Sea w/ Merrill Davis

Wed, 24 Apr 2024 07:01:12 GMT

Our friendly neighborhood victim and host, Evan Kessler, welcomes actress,comedian and good friend Merrill Davis (Valley Heat, Merrill Means Well, Time Out LA's Comedians to Watch in Los Angeles 2019) on this murderous day for a podcasting. Together, they discuss everything from sex parties to ADHD, and even celebrity friends. Eventually, the conversation leads them to a party on a boat where Dua Lipa may or may not be performing. Will our host's untimely demise be a star-studded affair featuring Christopher Walken and the aforementioned Dua Lipa, or are those just names he threw in to pique your interest in listening to this podcast? Could be both. Only way to find out is to listen to episode 6 of "Won't You Be My Killer?"

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Cementing The Friendship w/ Danielle Perez

Wed, 17 Apr 2024 07:02:16 GMT

It's a murderous day for a podcasting and this week the show gets a bump from the presence of a legitimate Hollywood superstar in actor/writer/comedian, Danielle Perez. Danielle is our first guest to be a part of the Marvel (Spider-Man: Across The Spider-verse), Curb Your Enthusiasm and Won't You Be My Killer cinematic universes. If that doesn't put her on the cover of People Magazine or Variety, then what hope do the rest of us have at being featured on the cover of a magazine? It's a shame she has to ruin all of that entertainment industry heat by committing such a heinous act at the expense of our lovable (subjectively speaking) host with a little help from some friends.

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Hey Siri, Where Can I Hide A Dead Body? w/ Kym Kral

Wed, 10 Apr 2024 07:02:05 GMT

It's a murderous day for a podcasting and this week's guest might have you wondering where the bodies are buried. Your friendly neighborhood victim and host (Evan Kessler) is joined by friend, comedian, author, podcaster and lovely homicidal threat, Kym Kral, to discuss the business at hand (but also a little about her book). What's the business at hand? Well, maybe it's a pool party or maybe it's a grisly murder. Whatever it is, it's enough to make you think twice about showing up early to a party to help someone set up, because maybe the only thing getting set up is you - and by "you," we mean the host of this podcast.

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Committing To A Project w/ Whitney Melton

Wed, 03 Apr 2024 07:04:35 GMT

Comedian, dear friend and sometimes neighbor Whitney Melton joins our host (Evan Kessler) on this murderous day for a podcasting. A southern gentleman from Arkansas, Whitney loves having a task and seeing it through to completion, whether it's building a deck or murdering his friend. What could drive Whitney to do the latter? What sort of scheme has he cooked up and how will our not-so-unwitting host be lured by such a devious plan? Also, should the Hall of Presidents and Haunted Mansion be combined into one ride at "The Happiest Place on Earth?" These questions and more will potentially be answered on this, the 3rd installment of "Won't You Be My Killer?"

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The Last Slice w/Katrina Davis

Wed, 27 Mar 2024 07:01:36 GMT

Comedian Katrina Davis joins Evan Kessler on this podcasting day for a murder, just before recording her hour at the Tribeca Film Festival (recorded in 2021). An ill-timed lunge for some subpar LA pizza turns deadly in more ways than one. Will Katrina get away with making our host pay the ultimate price for his pilfering of pepperoni? More importantly, would any pizza in Los Angeles be worthy of committing any crime, let alone a murder? What level of transgression could inspire someone to snap over something that would barely qualify as bread with tomato sauce on it? Seriously, they make pizza in Los Angeles? That's news to me.

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Foul Play

Wed, 20 Mar 2024 19:37:17 GMT

Evan's dear friend Matthieu Brousseau joins us for our maiden voyage of murder, taking us on a seemingly pleasant jaunt through the only 2 boroughs of New York City worth visiting. While they've come to the Big Apple for a weekend getaway, only one of the participants in this podcast will be able to escape the icy, creamy grip of death in the end, though. eventually, death comes for us all.

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Won't You Be My Killer Teaser

Wed, 06 Mar 2024 19:58:53 GMT

An intro to a new podcast that asks, "just what kind of unspeakable cruelty are my friends capable of?" If you feel guilty about finding entertainment in podcasts about actual murders with actual victims, on this podcast your host Evan Kessler tries to look on the bright side of death by asking each of his guests to concoct a hare-brained schemed to bring about his untimely demise. Well, not on this episode, this one is just an intro with the theme song.

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